#like there are sometimes i just cannot wrap my head around my new reality

[ctheathy]

hey! Could I request a Reader x secret history tails who fall asleep alot they could be sitting on the bench in a park and reader just falls asleep or at his work table and tails just hears a tiny bang on the table and he turns around and readers just asleep with drool on the table😭

Secret History Tails w/ sleepy!Darling

Secret History Tails x Reader

Fluff Headcanons

Short Concept

Author’s note : Hello, Nonnie//Anon!! Of course you may, thankies for requesting =} Once again, my apologies in case it’s somewhat shorter than the average post. I’m just kind of lacking creativity on what to say, but I tried making it as long as possible. Hope you enjoy💞🌷

SH Tails from TSAA was chosen again aswell, as I do believe people have gotten mostly attached to the more recent behaviour of his.

The two of you are already implied to be in a relationship to begin with <3

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Insomnia mention • Pills offering

You already have to go through quite the draining sh1t by just dating this absolute menace of society. It’s always something new, hopping from one dimension to another, travelling through the multiverse itself, needing to blend in in some other universe’s reality; It’s ... Quite much for one single creature to handle to say the least, if not even too much. If anything, I can totally see the two tailed fox himself being rather restless when needing to go to bed for the night, and sometimes even failing to do so at all due to the paranoia getting to him. Because of this, your little habits of tiredness didn’t really surprise the mobian much, but this absolutely did not stop the fox from mentally freaking out over both your actual health and much less the idea of him being the cause behind all of it.

When the two of you are in a committed relationship, he becomes a fairly overprotective and worried lover over you and your wellbeing. He’s constantly checking up on you, questioning whenever you’re taking good care of yourself and making very well sure you keep up with your basic common needs for a healthy lifestyle. So when the thoughts drop in about him being the main cause behind your worn out presence, he is kind of an emotional wreck. He is literally close to ripping the fur from his Tails in a moment of unrestrained anxiety. It’s only when you gently hold his hands after preventing them from hurting himself in the pressure and quickly let him know that you just feel somewhat sleepy on a regular basis and just cannot help it at times that the tension has lessened slightly. He’s still worried about you feeling as tired as you do, however, the question whenever you’ve slept well the night beforehand always wiggling its way into the conversation or if it would perhaps be a better idea if you’d go right back to bed for the day instead.

He’d likely offer you pills for the night in his worry, confusing your state with something serious and damaging to you. You’re his precious beloved, he genuinely cares for your health and wants you to be okay on a daily basis, not just let it be ruined due to some poor sleeping habits. Though if you tell him you’re just fine laying on that--that hard and dirty table, he insists you use his tails as your own personal pillows, he can work just fine without them-!! If anything, the whole working thing may as well go to complete waste when it’s about you. He’ll pick you over his inventing each and every single time, just cancelling his plans for the day in order to sit down with your head in his lap, almost wrapping himself around your form completely and stroking your locks with love and care. Don’t even make me mention anybody who came by uninvited along those personal moments; he’s literally glaring daggers at them and sometimes even flipping them off outside of their view, the thought of them waking you up lingering in the back of his mind.

I can definitely picture him putting his work to the side to take daily naps with you aswell. He has quite the bad sleeping schedule for his own case, yet those have usually just fallen on dear ears. To himself, atleast. Please drag this little hypocrite to bed along with you. He’s one to literally force you to bed when the sleeping habits are shown enough of times, and although he’d refuse at first hand, I believe with a little bit of pushing you’d easily get him to lay right next to you. It’s not like the decision was that regrettable for his own self after a little while, anyways. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself in the spooning position, and the look of utter peace on his expressions honestly made it even a hundred times much more endearing than beforehand.

After a little while he calms down and starts to try accepting this demeanour as nothing more than normality. He tries letting out nothing more than a singular chuckle when he notices that you have fallen asleep in your chair once again. He does however, still tend to show concerns for your neck and any seeming uncomfortable positions in the process, but those again would easily be minimised by the softness of his tails laying right underneath you. And if anything, he’s honestly started to grow rather comforted by your sleepy nature, it giving him a sense of trust between the relationship and it seemingly having quite the positive effect on his own improved slumber rythm aswell; may that be through his calmed mindset when hugging you close when laying in his lap, or you simply just dragging him to bed right with you. Perhaps it’s not even all that bad to begin with after all,

Cause atleast now he has the capability of holding that lovely and soothing sleeping form of yours into his own arms

#secret history tails #mashed tails #sh tails #yandere tails #tails x reader #secret history tails x reader #sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic x reader

[mercurytrinemoon]

I guess this is a 2023 astrology overview or something

As we're approaching the new year, I've been thinking a lot not about the passing one, but about the next one... If you could somehow be nostalgic about the future, that would be the feeling I'm getting about 2023. It's some sort of longing mixed with curiosity and something that seems unattainable. But that's exactly what makes my brain go weird... because it is attainable... There ARE new cycles starting next year even if it's hard to wrap my head around it (just think about Pluto being in Aquarius for 20 years. I know. Hard to comprehend).

And as much as I'm sure at some point sooner or later, I'm going to regret my next words, I cannot wait what 2023 has in store.

There's a lot of changes ahead of us, and those changes will be BIG. Starting from Saturn departing from Aquarius after 3 years. And these were a very long 3 years (not just saying that because it was my 1st house transit and that made it feel extra long) but I feel like they were busy and thought-provoking years. Lots of changes in communication (for obvious reasons), the internet, technology and social matters. The collective approach to all these topics changed drastically. And some of which was forced on us. Few months into the pandemic, after seeing the pattern, I said it won't be fully over until Saturn leaves Aquarius. I said that with a big disappointment but somehow we're almost at the end of the transit and the topic is currently mostly not a thing anymore. Like, can we actually take a moment and appreciate that?

I think the keyword for this Saturn in Aquarius transit was: innovation inspired by limitations.

Sure Pluto is going to take over the sign but it's much much slower in its movement, it's not a harsh reality-check in the style of Saturn, it's sneaky and quiet. Aside from the darker qualities it has (and similarly to Saturn it can cause fear), Pluto can be alluring in its power - it's like a Midas touch if it's on your side. But it will bring changes and those changes might be thrilling yet terrifying. Be careful what you wish for because with the new Pluto cycle, if it's affecting your chart, you just might get it. And these are the words I keep hearing when I'm looking at my own chart so I guess that is some sort of an omen for me.

Obviously these are collective energies but with the nodes shifting signs in the middle of the year, and the north node heading into Aries, there will be an emphasis on the individual. It's about taking back your own power and freedom and reevaluating what each of us want from our lives, I'm sure a lot of people will stop and ask themselves, who am I? And if the thing I'm doing truly makes me fullfilled? There might be changes in leaderships as well. People may become more selfish but sometimes selfishness is required if you want to live a happy drama-free life. With the south node in Libra, people may realize it's actually a relationship with a certain person that is blocking them from happiness, so there might be a lot of goodbyes next year... goodbyes that leave space for new connections - and if you're into the idea of south node symbolising past lives - maybe even a beneficial past live connection? (Maybe that's why I said I'm feeling the sense of nostalgia from 2023?)

(PSA: beware of the nasty people from the past from this lifetime during Venus retrograde tho)

And as the north node departs from Taurus and leaves the mess that it made along with Uranus (that will no longer square Saturn), let's hope Jupiter ingressing into the sign will smooth things out a bit. Now Uranus is still there so that won't fix all the issues but I'm hoping there's going to be less of a "shortage of this and that and the crops are dying cause there's war and the gas is too expensive and oh, let's scare people there's going to be shortages of power during the winter and btw we're gonna make your electricity bills super high so there's that" bullshit and more of a "let's just chill and have some amazing food and maybe lay naked in bed cause we have everything we want" type of Jupiter party. That'd be nice. But first Jupiter is going to speed through Aries and give us all the awesome and exciting energy we all need to get us back on our feet.

And back to Saturn, Pisces folks, buckle up cause that can be like a bucket of cold water for you. Not the type of a swim you like but on the bright side, this can potentially bring a bit of a structure into the sloppy and disorganized side of you (yes I just called you sloppy, soz), it can also bring your abstract ideas into a tangible thing. Just don't loose your jupiterian hope and enthusiasm in all of this even if Saturn will try to break your fragile little heart. And we all shouldn't, as Pisces' jupiterian cousin (that is, Sagittarius) I want to remind everyone that there is a way to keep your rose-colored glasses and still have ideas that are grounded in reality, the key is to wisely assess your situation and work on whatever you have in mind and want to achieve. Use the Saturn energy. Also use all the jupiterian things if you want - being aware of astrology or divination is an advantage after all and having Saturn in Pisces can help give us clearer and more black and white answers when using these methods.

And on that (hopefully) uplifting note, happy 2023.

#idk if anyone's gonna read it right now #or if ya'll busy partying #but here we go #astrology #saturn #pluto #mercurytrinemoon

[micahwright]

Tagging: Emma Wright & Emory Starling, mentions of Farenduil & Aurora

Location: Various, New York & Rome, mentions of Aurora, Colorado

Timeframe: Present day, references the last decade

Notes: tw: addiction, drugs, and violence

“Hi, my name is Micah Wright, I’m thirty-one years old, and I’m an addict.”

“I lost my sister recently-” Micah looked around the room, the circle of chairs drawn into the middle of the rec centre as his leg jumped up and down. A stale cup of coffee between his hands. “I uh… She was my rock.” A worried hand moved to scratch at the back of the faiman’s head. He’d come here because he wanted help, because even with Emory’s warm eyes Micah couldn’t shake the urge to go somewhere.

“Pills.” Micah said as he swallowed, “Coke, anything I could put up my nose really, I didn’t discriminate. But I liked the way the pills just let me… Drift.” He waited for someone to pipe up, say how strong he was, how all that was behind him, he’d gone two weeks without using, that meant he was cured, right? Instead they just stared, watched, one guy nodded with his arms folded across his chest, cup of coffee hung precariously in his hands.

I face reality. I am not able to control what I do, and this has serious consequences.

“I’d drink on them too,” Micah said, “stay up and end up doing and saying a bunch of fucked up shit. Someone told me once that was how you stopped a heart. I laughed,” the faiman shook his head, the grin that pulled at the corner of his lips was defensive and easy. A habit. “I said: what the fuck do I have to live for anyway?”

The joke wasn’t funny, nobody laughed, but nobody stopped him either. There wasn’t anyone in the room looking at him like he’d done or said something wrong. He was new, he hadn’t shared first - fourth after the speaker had asked if Micah wanted to share. He didn’t, not really, but that’s why he came here. Talking about it was meant to help.

I understand that I cannot force change through willpower. I need to disentangle my life patiently.

“I started I guess just after I turned eighteen, my sister and I moved to New York, we uh, we grew up in Colorado so the city was a big change. I’d gotten dumped recently so I was looking for a distraction and I got to find myself there. Clubs. Guys. Girls. Concerts. I was king of the world. Some of the people I hung around with aged out of it, college kids whatever - but I found an older crowd and I don’t know, they just got me.” Micah admitted, remembering the feeling of kinship he’d felt watching someone talk about ego death and cosmic infinity. How big the universe could be if they’d only wrap their minds around it.

“I was at a party one day, middle of the afternoon when I went looking for the bag I’d split with my friend. He was just… Laying there, face down. He was dead, I uh, I checked.” Micah remembered putting his fingers to the man’s pulse, “He wasn’t old, not really. Like, mid-thirties maybe, I was twenty-one or twenty-two at the time.” The faiman scratched his chin as he recalled the memory. “I took the bag and split.” Micah shrugged as he waited for the judgement and the hard swallow of a dry throat that never came. Some sympathy, some understanding. Most of the people here had done worse, so had Micha. “I guess they found him after an hour or whatever but I uh… yeah, I just left him there.”

Moment by moment, I take a mindful pause to deal with my life calmly and effectively.

“I didn’t even really think that was low, I just thought if I didn’t grab it someone else would have. I could’ve bought more, my sister was keeping my bank account out of the red so I could just do whatever I wanted. She’d ask me sometimes how I was doing, if I was alright and you know - she’d worry or whatever-” Micah thought about how he had to subvert the truth here, a curse? Magic? Who would believe that? You weren’t supposed to lie though, wasn’t that a cornerstone for sobriety? “If she thought I was using or partying too much, she was in uni though so she was busy. It was easy to lead her to thinking I was just living my life.” He laughed, but it was light. Micah had always had a boyish face but it looked worn now, tired. There were crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his dimples had deepened.

Micah thought about what happened next, “When she cut me off I…” he shook his head, “I was so fucking pissed. That was the angriest I’d ever been, I think.” The faiman thought about Aurora, she’d taken the cake there. “We were sharing an apartment at the time and I just trashed everything. I tore up her clothes, took a knife to her bed, flipped the couch and broke everything I could get. She had some jewellery, money stashed away too. I don’t think she thought I’d steal from her, but uh, but yeah I did.” He’d stopped talking to her after that, and referred to her as his bitch sister. That’s what Emma got for trying to help him.

I examine my life with honesty, searching for patterns in how I have been relating to people and situations.

“I never knew my dad, not uh, not until last year actually. But my mom, my mom was always there. My sister, Emma, she didn't tell our mom how bad things had gotten, at least not right away.” Micah said, “I could tell when I’d talk to her on the phone that Emma hadn’t, if she had it would’ve been different. I’d get money from her, pills were expensive though so I’d changed gears by then. Heroine. I never banged it,” Micah said it too quickly maybe, his eyes moved to the second person who’d spoken, their arms a railroad of track marks but they didn’t flinch. “But if someone had set me up with a kit I might have.”

“First time I overdosed I was at a party.” Micah went on, “I think I was twenty-three?” He was trying to do the math but wasn’t sure, these weren’t stories he told anyone. He’d talk about how he held the record for wins in beer pong, how he used to do keg stands until he threw up, or that time that he did a backwards somersault off his friend’s roof and landed in the pool. “Pissed all over myself, head in a bucket. My uh, my friends at the time dropped me in front of the trauma room - kicked me out of the car and gave me a concussion on top of everything. Least they brought me to the ER.” That was more he’d done.

I explore these patterns and describe them to another person, noticing the healing power of compassionate listening.

“I don’t think it was long after that that my mom cut me off, when I’d call her and ask for money she’d just kind of sigh and say she didn’t have it. She’d want to like, video call and shit, and when she did she’d just tell me how skinny I looked. That she was worried about me. I felt great, at least when I was high, everything else was hell. So I’d get into my sister’s apartment, sell what I could. TV, laptop, she wouldn’t be there so it was whatever.” Micah said, “Emma was in school still, doing night classes and trying to get a degree and I was just,” he shrugged, “making it as hard as possible for her.” Everytime Emory looked at him like everything was going to be alright, everytime the witch said that Micah was worth anything - he was wrong - because this was the faiman’s truth: he was an addict, and his disease had made him a selfish monster.

When Micah looked up he thought someone would say as much, there were tears brimming in the eyes of the man whose arms had shifted from being folded across his chest to rest between his knees.

“The second time I overdosed I was alone.” Micah said, “I’d robbed one of my friends after Emma changed the locks I was,” he remembered this one, “I was twenty-five at the time. My heart stopped, I was dead for…” he tried to think, “few minutes. I was on a bench in the park when I keeled over, some mom with her kids happened to be walking by. She did CPR, broke most of my ribs in the process and saved my life. I don’t know what ever happened to her, the next few days were….” Micah had woken up in Rome, Emma moved them without a word. Abandoned everything, her life, her friends, her job. She did it all to save him. “They were blurry.”

I understand how these patterns have been ways of coping with my fears.

“Emma moved us to Rome after that, I didn’t want to but she never really gave me a choice. It was that or I was getting institutionalised.” That would lead to questions that Emma couldn’t answer, targets that would be put on their backs. Emma had done the best she could, she’d tried to save him for years. “She uh, she made me promise not to do the hard shit anymore, do that and I could have at her bank account.” Pills had always been his favourite.

“So I did, for the most part anyways, I figured what Emma didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. So here I was, city of… Whatever this is the city of when my ex turned up out of the blue. Emory. I hadn’t seen him since I left Colorado, and I just fucking… spiralled. Man I took one look at him and thought the world was going to open up beneath my feet and swallow me whole. Emma tried to warn him, tell him I was a lost cause and I think she was right.”

I learn to accept the sense of vulnerability that goes with life’s pressures and uncertainties.

“She and I had it out in a big way last year,” Micah’s voice went hoarse at the memory, his eyes welled and he cleared his throat, the woman next to him put her hand on his back and he broke, low and slow stobs that made him feel small and too large all at once. Like everyone was judging him, everyone was looking at him like he was some monster. Micah remembered how Emma had spoken to him, the look in her eyes the night of the masquerade. Their first meeting should have gone better, but Micah didn’t deserve better, ‘After everything I’ve done for you,’ Emma had said ‘I’ve washed your clothes, kept you fed, cleaned your vomit off of myself when you passed out in it and left me with the mess.’ She’d hissed, her voice a coiled serpent that had waited to strike, finally brought to the end of her rope. ‘Years you’ve ignored me, you let me believe I was dying, that I was sick, that there was something wrong with me.’

“It’s alright, kid.” Came the offer, “You don’t have to keep sharing if you’re not ready.”

“No- no,” Micah said as he cleared his throat, “I uh, sorry. I just wish I could say that she’d forgiven me before she passed but that’s not really my story.”

I explore alternative behaviours and rehearse them in safe settings.

“I’ve been trying to get clean ever since, I told Emma I would change. Emory too. I told him he was a trigger and to leave me alone so I could focus on myself. Emma she uh, she didn’t think it would stick, and it didn’t.” Micah said as he remembered when him and Emory had gone for a walk, “Emory told me about my dad and I just, I don’t know. Fell apart. I was angry and hurt and then we, yeah we had sex and I relapsed. Bad.” Micah remembered that it had started slow, then rose in a crescendo. “I started drinking again, I knew I shouldn’t. I couldn’t. Got my hands on some blow, some pills, had a party.” Halloween had been a hit, Micah still remembered the look in Emory’s eyes and that hadn’t even been the worst of it.

“It's been a month and a half since my sister died.” Micah said, “Since I lost Emma. She was my twin,” He realised then that he hadn’t said that. “I knew she was sick, I knew it. I tried to get her help, I tried so fucking hard.” The faiman was crying again, “But there was nothing anyone could do,” sobs racked his body as the hand that had never left moved in slow circles again. “So, yeah I tried to get sober for her, because I thought that if anything could get me clean it was her death but then-” He thought about the bottle he’d been, the few rattling remnants that he’d let pass his tongue, “but then a couple weeks ago I was cleaning out my old apartment and I found some pain killers so I thought… What was a few to take the edge off?”

I apply these new mindful behaviours in my everyday life. I sincerely apologise to people I have hurt, except when counterproductive.

Micah hadn’t told Emory, he didn’t tell this group that they were together now either, instead the speaker smiled and thanked him for sharing. They all did with an easy nod and a smile that said they understood, and they were empathetic.

They joined hands then, the circle of them as, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” they started, Micah saying the prayer along with them as the tears dried on his cheeks. He felt tired, downright exhausted. “Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it.”

I keep paying attention to the causes and effects of my actions. I act accordingly.

“Micah?” Came one of the voices as the faiman refilled his coffee at the carafe as the blonde turned towards the lined face of the man who’d sat there with his arms crossed. “Hey uh-” Micah tried to remember the other’s name but it escaped him. “Tom.” Came the easy reply as he offered his hand towards the blonde, rough and hewn like he’d led a hard life. Micah supposed they all did. “I wanted to thank you for sharing, I know it’s hard. Especially on your first day.” “Thanks yeah, that uh, that wasn’t the half of it.” Micah joked, but Tom didn’t smile save for a slight turn of his lips and an easy nod. “I bet.” He said instead, “You got anywhere to be after this?” Tom asked, “These meetings are good but hell if they don’t take a lot out of you.” “No, not really,” that wasn’t exactly the truth, but it was open enough for the faiman to twist, he didn’t have anywhere to be, but Micah was craving a drink. This was a lot, maybe too much. “Good, sweets help. Curves the cravings, there’s a diner not far - best pancakes in the city.”

I make space in my life for mindful reflection. A sense of meaning and purpose naturally arises from that.

“So, do you always invite the new guy out for a 10pm breakfast?” Micah asked before he shoved a mouthful of pancakes into his mouth. “Just when I think they’re not planning on sticking around?” “What do you mean?”

Tom cocked a brow at the other.

“So I’m not a meeting guy,” Micah said with a shrug, “you saw the way they were looking at me in there.” “Like what? Like they gave a shit?” “That was the most depressing place I’ve ever been in my life and that’s really saying something. I get it, you want to help but you don’t know me. You couldn’t possibly fucking know me.”

“I’ve been divorced two times and I’ve got three girls, one of them is about your age and none of them have spoken to me for years. You think I don’t know about regret? Like I don’t know what it’s like to fuck up? You were high for a few years, well I was high for decades. I was a mean drunk and a terrible father -” Tom pointed at him and Micah swallowed the stack that was in his mouth. “And if it’s worth anything, then I hope I can keep you from making the same mistakes I did.”

My life reflects a growing sense of respect and compassion for myself and others. I share this process with others who are struggling.

Tom cut into his stack, “You need a sponsor, kid.”

“Is that an offer?” Micah asked, not really sure what that entailed but he knew it had something to do with regular check-ins, someone to talk to, and someone to call him out on his shit when he was starting to spiral. “It is.” Tom offered as he chewed and swallowed. “I don’t know, my boyfriend, Emory he’s-” “What, helping you? He an addict too?” “No but-” “This the same guy that was there when you relapsed before?” “Yeah, but it’s not his-” “You were together when it happened a couple weeks ago, you tell him that?” “No, I didn’t want him to feel-” “What, responsible?” “It’s not his fucking fault okay!” Micah yelled as people in the diner turned to look at him. “No, it’s not. It’s yours. Familiar patterns have familiar endings.” Tom said, “And keep your damn voice down.” “What does you being my sponsor mean?” “It means that next week after the meeting we’ll come here for pancakes again, we’ll talk. You’ll have my number if you need another one before then, a safe space to clear the air. A meeting can be anywhere, over the phone,” he gestured around them, “a diner.”

Micah’s eyes remained fixed on his plate, he thought about Emma in an empty grave.

“Works for me.”

#mirror #selfpara #emory #emma #aesthetic

[mammon-satan-blog]

Hey this is a vent post

This will be dealing with some sensitive topics

This also talks about a bit of an issue I have

You have been warned

I have a problem

To others it might seem like it's not that big of a problem some might think it's normal.

But this isn't normal.

I can't control it.

I Daydream a lot

I don't know you must be thinking 'oh that is completely normal everyone Daydreams'

But what I do is a bit different.

When I daydream I have to keep moving. I cannot sit still. Whether it be pacing around my room, rocking back and forth on my bed, or tossing and turning the vigorously on my bed.

I'll make random noises out of the blue.

When I daydream I can go on for hours. To the point where sometimes I forget to eat I forget to shower I forget to take care of my personal needs.

And ever so slowly it takes from me

And the thing that's so scary about when I daydream is that it makes me love it.

I can create anything. I can make myself look different, make myself look like what I always wished to be.

It wraps its arms around me and whispers in my ear telling me that I'm safe that I have nothing to worry about.

It has claws around my throat making it feel like a hug.

And it hurts me

I don't feel it hurt me but I know it does. But I don't want to let go I want to let it keep squeezing it's claws around me as it whispers that I'm safe, that it's the only one that can understand me that.

This is where I belong.

It's nothing but sweet addicting bitter poison

The thing is I don't see it. I don't see how it makes my eyes gloss over and make me stare off into the distance.

I often think that I need help.

But how am I supposed to tell someone without sounding crazy.

'oh yeah I spent hours pacing back and forth alone in my room making stories and elaborate plots with characters who I speak out their dialogue and care for more than anything and respond to myself. I also listen to music that makes it more interesting more pumped up and more depth. And some songs will spiral down into a new story or plot' and 'I get highly emotional when I make these daydreams I also channel up the emotions of the characters I create.'

And what sucks about it is when you become aware. When reality sinks its teeth in. You realize none of it was real. The emotions, the love, the happiness you felt was just a figment of your imagination. You realize that no one will ever feel that for you. that it's just in your head. That this isn't what you really look like or sound like. You're not a famous person or a wizard or an angle

You're just you

And I hate being around people because people make noise and they're talking and I can never get back into it.

People tell me every time they look at me I look angry or irritated. Or when they try to talk to me I just give them short answers or brush them off.

I just like to be alone

Me and the world I created for myself.

I've lost myself in the world that doesn't exist.

And I don't think I want to be found.

#mammon-satan-blog #mammon-satan-blog vent #vent #mammon-satan-blog talks

[p-ink-ink]

The New Year It’s 2024 and I feel so estranged from this year. The year was supposed to begin with me having a baby in March. I still cannot believe I was pregnant, let alone the fact that I no longer am. It’s a hard reality to face. 2024 sounded like a beautiful year, it sounded so sweet. I suppose it's not too late to be… but it still will never be what August me thought it would be. August 2023 me was a different person. I don’t know if I can ever be her again. Just like I will never be June 2021 me ever again. Life changes us. Quickly. Slowly, Sometimes for the better. But I don’t find that to be the case for me. I’d throw away all the “strength” that trauma has brought me in an instant if it could make me whole again. If I could only get through this life unscathed. Just yesterday, I sat and thought about it as I was driving to work. The patterns in my life. I noticed tragedy hitting me every odd year.

2019: I felt uprooted from home, moving away once again after I finally began to feel comfortable in that new place of ours, we had to leave. We left the apartment that we gave up my childhood home for and moved in with my grandparents. “Just for a few months,” my mom said, but life had other plans. As that Summer ended, I was rejected once again, for the final time by the person I loved. The person I used to dedicate all myself to. Tossed away like trash, like three years didn’t matter. I needed to find myself again as I began college.

2020: I found my peace in a new love, I was starting to learn how to trust the guy I loved instead of fearing being abandoned. I found togetherness with him and the way life changed around us that unique year. I spent some time with new friends and tried to enjoy the life of a “new adult” despite the world being so different that year.

2021: The year I was completely shattered, gutted by the loss of my grandpa, and my brother who was much, much too young, and much too lively and spirited to depart from us so soon. A life I never wanted to live had begun for me, one without my big brother to lean on. This year broke me and I have never felt whole since. No words can find the way I changed this year and yet I desperately search for them.  I never knew one year could be so cruel. I never found out what I, or my family, did to ever deserve this. It was the darkest period of my life. I have nightmares about it often.

2022: The year I threw myself into chasing happiness, I took more vacations than ever before. I went to more and more concerts too, I spent time with new friends. My boyfriend and I moved in together. I tried to begin thinking about how near our future as a family together was. I wanted it now, I wanted to feel like I was gaining something after losing so much the year before. I wanted the pain to stop. I did everything I could. I just wanted to press the fast forward button on my life. 2023: The year began with my PCOS diagnosis. This terrified me. I have always wanted children, more than anything else in life. I could never even imagine a future where I am happy without them. I found out it might not be so easy. It might not even be possible. I didn’t want to miss a single chance. I have often thought I’d like to be a mother young. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I never needed it to. So with the diagnosis that scared me, and the longing for the joys of life instead of the pain. We started to welcome the possibility of a baby whenever life would allow for us. No more preventing. Over half a year went by, and by August’s beginning, I found out I was pregnant. My world changed in a moment. I was happier than I had been in years. But it didn’t last. It couldn’t. Ten weeks with my baby is all that I was given. Only three where I even knew.  I still struggle to wrap my head around it all. I have a baby I have never met.  If I let myself be hopeful, I can maybe believe that their short little life can continue on the other side. Maybe they can meet their Uncle Connor. Maybe they can still grow up. I would have loved for them to meet earthside, but life hasn’t given me what I’ve wanted in a long time.

I think about my baby and where they would be right now. Just two months away from being born, I’d be feeling the kicks now. My family and friends could be celebrating with me now, too. I’d have loved to know if they were a boy or a girl, I’d have loved to see them, to know them. My baby was due March 14th, 2024. Just one day before my brother’s birthday. He'd have been 31. What a cruel joke it is.  2024…  Please be kind.

#grief #grieving #writing #sibling loss #miscarriage #fear #sadness #sad thoughts #new year #baby loss

[bopit-twistit]

i just have to make it to the end of this month without a body ending up in my backyard like i THINK i can do that but my patience is really being????? tested????

#twist n shout #like i feel like im goin crazy lol???? #like there are sometimes i just cannot wrap my head around my new reality?? #or like how i came to be in my new reality?? #no it’s just her #like i can’t wrap my head around how someone could be so twisted lol????? #like i just #cant comprehend the selfishness?? #or just the complete ignorance #or lack of awareness maybe is a better way to put #SEE #I JUST DONT FUCKIN GET IT #I CANT EVEN PUT A WORD TO WHATS GOIN ON LMAOOO #idk maybe this is that closure people are always talking about?? bc i want it to just go away i want to just forget about it #i just wanna bury it down deep deep where im never gonna see it again but like #like it’s just the one thing i get hung up on is what the fuck even happened??? like what even was that?? what is this?? #and the worst part is is like i don’t think i ever am gonna be able to understand it??? like every single one of our fights #i just never understood why they happened or why they kept going #i don’t understand how she can call me like such a horrible person and shit try to talk shit about me to be friend of TEN YEARS #and call me toxic say she wants to get far far away from me this that and the other thing #LIKE PLEASE I WANT YOU FAR FAR AWAY FROM ME TOO #but how’re you gonna say all this stuff and then drag ur feet about moving outta MY HOME???? #like #i just truly do not get it every time I try to think about it #i just get so confused like??? is this a mind game to her?? is the trying to confuse me?? and you know that’s what it’s always been #all the fights and everything were just going round and round and circles and was that just it??? #was it always about jsut spinning me enough to get so confused I think hey maybe this is dumb and then just give up on it?? #woah not me figuring out my bullshit in the tags AGAIN #and people say i need therapy man i got this on LOCK #no one knows this stupid lil head the way i do 😌

[absolutelyfizzing]

little dove

loki x reader

description - Loki acted so caring around you, more so than anyone else in his life. He loved to take care of you, especially when you had a long day, and he got teased by some of the team for it.

warnings - fem reader, cute loki and pet names, implications of gender fluid loki?, reader gets picked up, slight implications of a nsfw theme the night before

word count - 1900

A/N - this is a pretty plotless blurb but i just love this man, i have been obsessed with the new series and just wanted to write anything about him. i will inevitably be writing for him more so please end me now. there are no spoilers for the new series and it takes place in an AU after new york but pretty much otherwise out of timeline. all the avengers live at the compound together, endgame didnt happen and no i wont talk about it.

MASTERLIST

Loki was not someone who was overly friendly. To most of the people in the compound, he was courteous at best. That rule, however, was bent occasionally. The only exceptions were you and his brother (some of the time). He had been smitten with you the moment he saw you though he would never admit it. You were bubbly and light and the exact opposite of him. You were so friendly and kind that it almost made him want to be the same.

You were kind to him, which he was shocked by. Most of the people in the compound tolerated him but they were never caught being too nice. You, on the other hand, were friendly to him the day you met him.

You weren't an Avenger, you weren't really even a fighter. You were a genius in the medical field as well as the unofficial caretaker of everyone on the team. You made sure that they all ate, they didn't overwork themselves, that they were getting enough sleep every night because they were your closest friends. Everyone listened to you. You had this power over them all that they just wanted to make sure you were happy and that meant they wanted to do what you asked of them. They tried their best to take care of you as well.

When you met Loki and were very nice to him, he expected some ulterior motive. He assumed that there was something you wanted or that you would gain his trust and then humiliate him later. So he kept his guard up. This was proved wrong over the months to come. He noticed that you were that kind to everyone and you were just happy to be around other people. He let you in over time.

You became the only person who he opened up to, even more than his brother. You would keep him company even when he lashed out at others and when he was filled with guilt. You forgave him for his past without question and opened up to him as well. It took probably 3 months for Loki to realize that he was in love with you.

He couldn't believe himself. In love with a midgardian? What was he thinking?

But it was undeniable and uncontrollable. He just couldn't help himself. You would read to him and watch movies with him. You would braid his hair when he was stressed and would teach him how to cook when he asked. You were just everything to him. It took him a long time to confess. He was terrified that you would reject him. You could have had anyone you wanted, why would you choose him?

When he did confess, you were thrilled and he couldn't believe it. You kissed him and he thought he could die happy right then and there. He had never felt this much love for anyone besides his mother.

You continued to break his walls down and he fell deeper in love with you every day. He didn't, however, change his behavior towards others very much. He had grown closer to the team, having regained some trust from them all. He was no longer aggressive and he tried very hard not to lash out. Most of that was out of his own desire to be trusted. He realized that he was going to have to make his life work to remain with you and he slowly learned that most of the people in the compound weren't actually as awful as he might have originally guessed. That didn't mean that his personality changed toward them though. He was still slightly cold and short. He wouldn't smile too much and he was what some might call grumpy most of the time.

That only changed around you and everyone noticed. Loki got teased for it constantly and he couldn't care less. He just wanted to make you happy and he had no regard for what anyone thought of your relationship.

He was waiting patiently in the common area of the compound on the couch. Steve and Rhodey were sat on the couch watching something that Loki didn't recognize or care for, it was some kind of reality TV. When he heard the elevator door open he looked toward the door and you were walking towards him. A grin spread over his face and his posture relaxed. He could hear the men on the couch scoff at his sudden change in demeanor. When you got close to him he picked you up and pulled you to straddle his hips on his lap and immediately began kissing all over you. You buried your face in his chest and he kissed your hair.

"How are you, my love?" He mumbled sweetly and you hummed. "Long day?" he questioned and you nodded in affirmation. "Lets go get you some food then, yes?" He asked lightly and you hummed happily. He picked you up and you clung to him, arms and legs wrapping around him. He carried you with ease toward the kitchen. It shocked you sometimes how much he could lift and how easily he lifted you but you had to remind yourself that he was indeed a god.

"How come you never treat us that way?" Rhodey called from the couch and Loki grumbled a bit.

"Oh I'm sorry did you want me to pick you up and make you some tea?" He asked sarcastically and you giggled from where your face was pressed into his chest. He smiled at the fact that he had gotten you to laugh and he set you on the countertop. He tried to pull away to make you some food but you did not let him leave you, still holding on to the front of the shirt that he was wearing. "Do you want to talk about your day?" He asked sweetly, kissing your forehead lightly. You gazed up at him lovingly and his heart skipped a beat.

"I'm just tired. People are annoying and I didn't exactly sleep much last night." You winked at the last part. He smirked at your comment.

"I'm sorry, my love. I was under the impression that you enjoyed what we did last night but I would be happy to give you plenty of time to sleep tonight if that's what you would prefer." he teased and you punched him lightly in the chest.

"Okay fine you're right, I like getting kept up." You confessed. You paused for a moment and his eyes remained on you as he waited patiently for you to continue. "I was mistaken for an intern again today. You would think that after over a year of working here that people would recognize my name and my work but today there were some new investors walking through the facility. When they came to look at my work they started to talk to one of my coworkers and then turned to me to ask me to get them a coffee order while they waited for the doctor to arrive." You grumbled, your mood now sour at the memory. Loki frowned and he felt his anger begin to take shape inside of him. His eyes flashed green for a moment.

"Would you like me to go and teach them a lesson? Perhaps just to mildly terrify them?" he asked, fully serious. That cheered you up plenty and you chuckled. Loki knew that you were laughing because of the absurdity of his statement and the fact that he was dead serious but he was just happy to see you smile again. "I will never understand the midgardian obsession with gender roles. Though I suppose my own identity is more fluid than most asgardians as well." He confessed and you brought your hand to rest on the side of his face. He leaned his head into your hand as he beamed at you. You loved when he compared his home to yours. It reminded you just how powerful he was and that he still chose to spend his days with you. There was suddenly a flash of green before he held his hand out to you, now holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. When you gasped and moved to grab them he slipped from your grasp to move towards the refrigerator.

"Hey that's not fair, you tricked me." You pouted at him, now grumbling that you couldn't hold him anymore.

"Little dove, I cannot make you food when you hold onto me. When I am finished cooking then you can stay with me for as long as you would like." He promised and you nodded solemnly. He quickly pressed another kiss to your cheek before moving around the kitchen to prepare you waffles as he often did when you were having a long day. You observed the beautiful flowers in your hand and watched him as he moved around the kitchen, a million times more comfortable than he had been when he first moved into the compound. You talked contentedly with the people passing by as well as the man who was diligently trying to improve your mood. Occasionally one of the other team members would walk by and laugh a bit at how caring he was acting toward you, all of them just happy you were content though. Eventually Thor stopped by while Loki put some batter into the waffle iron and sliced some fruit.

"You know, this is the happiest I have ever seen him." He stated simply, a smile in is voice.

"It's the happiest I've been too." You responded with a small grin.

"The last time I saw him open up to someone the way that he opens up to you was on Asgard with our mother. She would be happy to see him being so vulnerable again." He patted your back and walked away as tears started to come to your eyes. The brothers would talk of their mother sometimes and Loki often mention the fact that he believed she would have loved you, if not for your own personality then for what you did for her son. You wished that you could meet her.

You were suddenly taken out of your thoughts by someone handing you a plate of waffles and sliced up fruit with a little container of syrup on the side. You looked up at Loki and nearly cried right there. You put the plate aside for a moment to reach out and pull him into a crushing hug. He was a bit startled but responded quickly, a hand going to the back of your head and his fingers brushing through your hair soothingly.

"Did something happen, my love?" He asked softly and you sniffled a bit.

"Just love you and I'm very thankful for everything you do for me." You got out and he affirmed to himself that he would die for you in an instant.

"I love you too, darling, but I slaved away at those waffles and now they are getting cold." He teased and he kissed your hair gently. You took a deep breath before pulling away, looking up at him with love. You smiled and then hopped off of the counter. He walked with you over to the dining table where he sat next to you and serenely waited as you ate, the food lifting your spirits a bit and easing your anxiety of the day. You planned on spending the rest of it with the man next to you as well as every day after that.

#loki #loki x reader #loki imagine #loki x reader imagine #loki laufeyson #thor #thor ragnarok #thor imagine #marvel imagine #marvel #marvel x reader #the avengers #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #avengers x reader #fluff #loki fluff #loki x reader fluff

[realcube]

saying things they don’t mean during an argument

 navi | masterlist | taglist 

thank you to anon for this request <3

characters ♡ msby black jackals (hinata, sakusa, atsumu, bokuto)

content warning ♡ angst, hurt to comfort, fluff, swearing, crying, adoption  (sakusa’s) & suffocation (?)

kōtarō bokuto 

♡ you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest - you knew he was a bit boyish sometimes but you never expected him to be so childish in regards to a simple request

♡ ‘bokuto, i have so much on my plate!’ you cried, tightly gripping the sheets underneath you, ‘planning the wedding, going to work, doing almost every chore in this damn house and filing all our fucking taxes!’

♡ you momentarily paused to look at him, expecting a look of sympathy but instead getting an eyeroll which prompted you to continue, ‘and all i am asking for is you to run a few errands! that’s it! why are you so opposed? i thought you enjoyed grocery shopping?!’

♡ bokuto pulled his night-shirt over his head as he stormed to his side of the bed, ‘it’s not fun without you!’  he whined childishly, plopping himself down next to you and gasping when you had the audacity to shuffle away from him

♡ ‘it’s not supposed to be fun, bokuto!’ you yelled, completely fed-up with him at this point, ‘a few errands, that’s all i ask of you!’

♡ bokuto notices how your voice shook and your lashline glistened; he didn’t want you to cry so he begrudgingly gave it, but with a strong comment to go along with it so you knew that he really didn’t want to 

♡ 'fine! i don't need you anyway!'

♡ then proceeded to dramatically pull the duvet over himself and pout, averting his gaze to the wall opposite 

♡ in this context, he hoped that you’d understand his comment and not take him too seriously but since you were already on the verge of tears, this simply pushed you over the edge

♡ you buried your face in your hands and hid under the blanket in hopes he didn’t realise you were crying but his senses are just different when it comes to you so try stifle that sob all you want, he’s still going to hear it and he’s still going to instantly pull you into his arms while frantically apologising 

♡ ‘please don’t cry, (y/n)! i really didn’t mean it- i do need you! i love you so much, my life wouldn’t be the same without you! you do so much for me and i am so sorry for not showing you how grateful i am! like you’re so pretty and kind and talented and smart - only geniuses can do taxes - so i’m just so lucky to be with you and i can’t wait until we’re married. please, don’t leave!’

♡ eventually his praise slowly became pleas as he begged for you not to leave/hate him

♡ he does not want to lose you bc of a silly comment he made-

♡ eventually his endless pleas started to become more than background noise to your sobs, so you finally hugged him back, whispering, ‘i can’t wait to marry you too, kō.’

♡ this action lifted a massive weight off his chest and he let out an audible sigh of relief, his grip on you loosening, ‘mhm, and of course, i’ll run the errands, babe. i suppose, it’s the least i could do.’

♡ you hummed in agreement, glad that a part of your mental stress had been relieved, allowing you to finally relax in his arms and perhaps doze off in his loving embrace 

♡ ...

♡ ‘mm, you smell like marshmallows, (y/n)- can i add marshmallows to the shopping list?’

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he spoke as if you were making some crazy, otherworldly request but in reality, all you were asking was for him to take paternity leave to help you care for the baby 

♡ you’re not really a baby-expert so you thought that sakusa would be happy to stay home and learn how to care for the child with you - as a couple, as a team 

♡ but he was extremely opposed to the idea, spewing out a much of nonsense as to why he needs to go to work, but a part of believed that he just didn’t want to deal with his child - or maybe, he didn’t want to deal with you

♡ ‘sakusa, how do you expect me to raise a whole baby on my own! they need a lot of attention - i don’t think you understand how big of a commitment this is, you can’t treat it like a hobby!’ you cried, having long before burst into tears because your mind told you the worse - that he didn’t actually love you, he lied about wanting a kid, he lied when he said ‘i do’.

♡ usually during arguments when he notices that you’ve started to cry, he’ll drop everything he was doing to shuffle over to you and wrap you in arms, then whisper sweet-nothings into your ear until you feel better but today, he showed little consideration to your emotions as he continued pacing through the living room while you bawled your eyes out on the couch

♡ ‘i thought you loved (c/n)! you were so gentle around them but it turns out you’re not even willing to take a paternity leave to help take care of them!’

♡ ‘what happened to the man i married?’

♡ ‘kiyoomi, you need to revaluate yourse--’

♡ you wouldn’t allow him to get a word in, which was probably for the best considering he had nothing good to say 

♡ but you were forced to cut yourself off when heard the sound of shattering so you immediately search for the source of the noise and there stood sakusa, his hand resting on the decorative table in the place your framed wedding photo once was - now, it was laying smashed on the ground surrounded by it’s own glass shards

♡ he pushed it off like the petty bastard he was

♡ while you sat stunned, staring the mess he just voluntarily made, he quickly turned on his heel and strolled away at a leisurely pace, 'my life was a lot easier before you entered it.'

♡ that was the last you heard of it for the next three days - you were giving each other the silent treatment 

♡ you couldn’t have any sort of grain for three whole days bc they are all on the top shelf and you usually make him grab it for you but you refused to talk to him- 

♡ you were the first one to break it though as you noticed that he hadn’t went to work for the last three days and curiosity got the better of you 

♡ ‘kiyoomi.’ you called out to him from the kitchen but he didn’t even look up from his book - ‘parenting for dummies’ - causing you to scoff, ‘why aren’t you going to work? did something happen?’

♡ finally, he sighed and shifted his gaze off his book but only to shoot you demeaning look, as if you were stupid, ‘paternity leave, duh.’

♡ the corners of your lips twitched into a smile, which you quickly forced away when you recalled the events that occurred three days ago and the hurtful things he said, instinctively looking over at the decorative table to remind yourself of what he did 

♡ but to your surprise, the picture was no longer laying on the ground, pooling in shards of glass but rather, it sit on the table with a brand new frame - which had both of your initials engraved onto it along with the date of the ceremony

♡ you didn’t need to choke out an inquiry as sakusa noticed your stunned expression and answered on his own, ‘i bought a new frame. i hope you like it.’

♡ of course you liked it; this one was a chic black with silver decals which matched your living room aesthetic way better than the other, tacky blue one did - plus, this one was customised which made you love it even more

♡ ‘i do. i really do. but i don’t like your attitude lately.’ you muttered, shaking your head as you waddled over to the couch 

♡ sakusa was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you down next to him, ‘i’m sorry, love.’ his voice cracked slightly as he whispered in your ear, ‘i cannot put into words how much harder my life would be without you. i just..hope you understand.’

♡ it’s not that sakusa was bad with words; he was just too emotional and overwhelmed to produce a long, coherent sentiment for you so he just prayed that you recognized that everything he said on that day was meaningless

♡ ‘i love you, (y/n).’

atsumu miya

♡ you rolled your eyes, ignoring him and continuing to type your essay until atsumu slammed your laptop closed

♡ ‘please, (y/n)! you know how much this means to me! i’ve been waiting for this festival for years!’

♡ you scoffed, folding your arms and patiently waiting for him to move his filthy hand off your laptop, ‘i do and i’m proud of you. but i have a lecture that day and my exams are just around the corner - and you know how much my education means to me.’

♡ atsumu had to take a moment to suppress a gag at how sickening and condescending your tone was, ‘it’s just one lecture, (y/n)! you’re not going to fail your exams because you missed one lectu--’

♡ ‘you don’t know that.’

♡ atsumu blinked twice, a unimpressed expression painted on his face as he let out a sigh, realising there was no possible way he’s going to be able to get through to you - i mean, he’s been trying for the last 20 minutes to no avail

♡ he ran his hand through his hairs, turning on his heel, heading towards the door and left

♡ but not before peering over his shoulder to shoot you a nasty glare and spitting, ‘you’re so selfish. you can’t even do one thing that’d make me happy - you never can.’

♡ that was the final thing he said to you for the next....20 minutes 

♡ that’s actually a new record for him - usually he storms out of the room, sulks for a minute or two then renters to beg for your forgiveness 

♡ but not today. he was so mad that he needed 20 whole minutes to cool down and come to his senses

♡ but once he did, when he came back into the room, he expected to see you typing your essay or studying as usual since his words don’t usually effect you too much 

♡ so of course he was shocked when he slipped back into your shared bedroom to see you with the duvet tossed over your whole figure, faint sobs coming from underneath 

♡ his immediate reaction was to pull the blanket away and offer himself as your source of heat, so he wrapped you in his muscular embrace, ‘b-babe.’ he stuttered, eyes-wide as he never would’ve thought you’d take his words seriously, ‘are you okay?’

♡ he knew that was a stupid question but he simply asked it to determine how sad you were - and considering you weren’t able to babble out a reply, that wasn’t a good sign

♡ ‘you’re not selfish.’ he reassured you while rubbing circles on your back, ‘if anything, i was being selfish- and nothing makes me as happy as you do, (y/n). i- i really didn’t mean it.’

♡ he paused only to place a kiss on the top of your head, ‘i love you- and to show you how much i love you..i’ll drop you off at your lecture on that day, and take you to the festival afterwards; does that sound good?’

♡ you were finally able to choke out a response but only to explain how unachievable his idea was, ‘my lecture finishes at 5 and the festival ends at 7, and there is a 45 minute drive between the two- you’re only going to be able to spend a little over an hour there.’

♡ ‘and i’ll have a blast in that time!’

♡ you sighed, your lips twitching into a small smile as you buried your face into his chest as you really couldn’t look him in the eye, ‘and why can’t you just go without me again?’ 

♡ ‘who the fuck am i going to play dance dance revolution against if you don’t come?’

shōyo hinata 

♡ you crossed your arms over your chest, internally regretting ever opening your mouth to try calm down fiancé as now, not only is he even more angry, but also most of his anger with now directed at you rather than manager, like it was previously 

♡ eventually, you started to develop a headache from all his screaming and shouting so you politely asked him to calm down, to which he replied, ‘calm down?! you’re the one who made me mad with your rude-ass comment and now you’re telling me to calm down?!’

♡ you preferred it when he was demanding for you to say ‘butt’ instead of ‘ass’ because now that’s he spent more time with bokuto, he’s started swearing more often and to be honest, it’s scary when a 5″4 ginger sunshine is yelling at you, calling you a ‘rude-ass’

♡ ‘shōyō, if i’m completely honest, i have no idea why what i said was so mean and i have no idea what’s going on- why are you so mad at your manager?’

♡ suddenly, he twisted his neck to look at you as if you had just been possessed, ‘what?’ he inquired in a hushed tone, his voice hoarse and oddly sinister  

♡ you quirked a brow, too tired of his constant bitching to pay attention to his tone of voice, ‘yeah, you speak too fast, shōyō.’ you said with a shrug, checking your nails to ensure that he knew that you truly did not care about how he scowled at you, ‘plus, i just don’t understand why this gets you so worked up - i try, i really do, but i guess your volleyball problems just go over my head.’

♡ hinata clenched his fist, realising that he wasn’t going to make any progress by complaining to you. he whipped his head away before storming off, not even sparing you a final glance, ‘you just don’t get it; you don’t understand anything i say and you don’t even make a fucking effort! you just think you are so much better than everyone - well, you’re not! try coming back down to reality with the rest of us, and then we can talk.’

♡ followed by a slam of the door which rattled through the whole apartment

♡ you really had never seen hinata so angry before in your 6 years of being together 

♡ the words he said were far from pleasant and a part of you wondered in he genuinely meant them, perhaps he had been supressing those thoughts for ages and now that he was finally mad, he could let it all out

♡ though you tried to reassure yourself that everyone says things they don’t mean when they are angry, but the tears started flowing on their own

♡ hinata didn’t plan on seeing you for another few hours as he had the idea of heading over to bokuto’s, have a drink and cool down but when he hopped out the shower, he realised he had left his phone in the bedroom - where he left you. 

♡ begrudgingly, he slid into the room with the intention of grabbing his phone then leaving but that went to shit when he noticed that you were bundled up under the blankets, and he could hear distant sniffles coming from underneath

♡ and hinata only has four moods: mad asf, happy asf, loving you & volleyball...asf

♡ so upon seeing you in such a state, presumably because of what he said, elicited his mood to change from ‘mad asf’ to ‘loving you’ 

♡ he pounced on you, causing you to fall sideways and squeal but he simply did not give a fuck

♡ ‘baby! i am so sorry! i didn’t think what i said would make you cry!’ he blubbered, or at least, that’s what it sounded like since you couldn’t actually see him due to the fact he had trapped you under the blankets, ‘i don’t know why i even said that! you’re not like that at all- i don’t think of you like that!’

♡ he paid little regard for your pleas of mercy as you squirmed frantically under the blanket, trying to escape his grip and body weight. he simply continued babbling on about how sorry he was and how amazing you are, ‘you are down here with the rest of us - i just said for no reason. please don’t be mad! you are - what does bokuto call it again? - oh! a humble--’

♡ ‘shōyō! i’ll forgive you if you get off me right now - i can hardly breathe!’

#msby atsumu #atsumu angst #shoyo angst #atsumu x you #sakusa headcanons #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #hq x gender neutral reader #sakusa x reader #atsumu x y/n #msby fluff #msby sakusa #hinata shoyo #haikyuu!! angst #hq angst #haikyuu angst #hq x reader #sakusa angst #bokuto angst #msby bokuto #atsumu fluff #atsumu scenarios #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x y/n #sakusa kiyoomi #👾angst

[nemeseos-noctua]

Hello! It's nice to see a new genshin impact writer! I saw requests are open, and there's two I have in mind (if it's ok with you): One is for Razor, Albedo, Xiao, and ganyu (possibly Aether if you can) wherein Reader is scared of love. Like, they're scared of opening up and love someone in fear of rejection or being tossed away. But yet they still daydream having someone who'd love them making it more obvious how much they want to love despite their fears anyway--

With this information, how will they confess to Reader about their feelings? Or comfort/console them?

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: albedo, xiao, ganyu, (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: reader has a pyro vision, albedo and xiao story spoilers in their parts

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: srry for cutting some characters off!! the character limit is 3! (but personally i would write for aether hehe hes so cute i love him)

you just so happened to have a quest in dragonspine

you did not expect to see fatui—especially not fight them

and... you did not expect to get ganged up on! what is this? a bully session? what the heck?

Among the brawn and burly figures of the Fatui members, you didn’t fail to notice a streak of blonde and dazzling blue from a distance—your eyes widening as you prayed to whatever archon would dare to listen...

Please, please don’t be another stupid enemy. You thought with a grimace, your heart pounding in your chest as you could hear a voice—it was calm yet strong, like a endless waterfall or a river creek.

“Burst forth!” 

In a matter of seconds, a geo flower emerged from the earth, your form being lifted up on the tiny platform as shards of crystallized rock formed under you, nearly stabbing you in the gut.

Who? What? How? Who was this stranger? This vision-wielder?

Wasting no time, you plummeted down on a nearby Fatui—deeming this geo-user as ‘safe’, you summoned your own flames, charring the crystal snow black as you wrapped your arm around the blonde, barely taking any time to observe his features.

from then on, you never expected to grow close to this mystery man

turns out he was the chief alchemist of the knights! you weren’t personally associated with the knights... but being chief alchemist certainly was a grand title, right?

with the use of your pyro vision, you helped accompany—albedo—you learned his name was

at first, the two of you were just exploration buddies. but as time went on, butterflies began to form in your stomach, nervousness seemed to peak when he was around

love was like a poison—you knew it’d hurt, you knew it’d kill you to have a drop—

but you wanted it. you wanted love, you wanted to be held by albedo and to twirl his silky hair around your fingers...

but—would he want you?

You wanted to love Albedo so badly.

Yet you knew, you couldn’t. The alchemist just wasn’t the type for love, he was not the type to give kisses or reassurances, nor was he the type to confess with a rose in his hands.

It wouldn’t hurt to dream, though. 

The thoughts you had before you slept were of him, of how pretty his eyes were—you couldn’t even pinpoint a color for it. Sometimes, they were blue, sometimes, they were teal. 

With every shooting star that’d zip past the sky, every eyelash that’d fall and every fire that’d be lit with the palm of your hands... you hoped for a love. A love so grand it’d outshine the sun, a love so grand it could make you forget the past and undo the pain of before.

But, in the depths of your mind, in the wings of the butterflies that’d flutter in your stomach... you knew—

Albedo did not love you. 

albedo initially thought of you as a torch lighter.

LOOK, HE IS A LOGICAL AND RESOURCEFUL MAN. he does not see the world with a rosie-colored-lens like how many others do—he sees it as the facts

and with your pyro vision? combined with dragonspine, ooh, please... ain’t that a match lighter?

but as time went on, he started to see you in a new light

you were knowledgeable, you respected his views and even contributed sometimes! you were no prodigy of alchemy, of course, but you were well-versed in combat and oftentimes knew how to navigate dragonspine

(he asked you how you knew dragonspine so well. all you told him was “Pain”)

but... albedo is observant. he’s definitely aware of your feelings and nervousness, how you get overly sweaty near him and fumble on your words

it’s then he realizes—he likes you too

love is a foreign concept to him, uncharted territory and an unexplored region. of course, as an alchemist, it is up to him to discover the unknown

and love—love is unknown

how could one possibly dedicate their entire life to another? albedo always questioned this notion, for humans were free beings that wanted nothing more than to break free of their shackles

and yet—the moment the alchemist met you? all of those questions flew out of the window

he wished... he wished to love you. but to him, it looks as if you do not want to love him

It’s frustrating, really.

How Albedo would brush over your hand mindlessly, how he’d hand you an object and let your fingertips meet for two seconds too many, how his cold yet soft lips would curve into a smile upon seeing you return from your endeavors.

Why? Why? Why? Why did he do this? Was he aware of the way he made you go crazy? 

You wanted to love him, so so bad—but—

“[Y/N],” Albedo’s voice seemed to pierce through your thoughts as if he had heard them.

“Y-Yes?” You turned immediately, the rush of your heart not calming a bit, the nervousness of your leg that bounced up and down as a remedy that you wish didn’t have to be so obvious.

Averting his eyes from yours, you missed the pixie blush that dusted the tip of his ears. He was not aware of your insecurities—but he was aware of one thing.

That—that he liked you... a lot, in fact.

“Recently...” Albedo started, clearing his throat anxiously before continuing, “I have started to develop some... feelings, for you. It is okay if you do not reciprocate, but it feels wrong to think about you in such a light when you are not awa—“

“Yes!”

You winced.

And then, everything seemed to crumble. Was he talking about someone else? Was there someone behind you? Was this a mindless prank? As it had been all those years ag—

A hand rested on your cheek, bringing you back to reality with the mere touch of his fingers.

albedo... in all of his intelligent prowess... was not expecting for you to say yes

in the public, he is a genius— a prince, a prodigy, even. but to him, he is but a failed student who is trying his best in completing his master’s final orders:

find the meaning of life

what is life? life is broad, life is different, life is... well, life.

at first, albedo had assumed that his master was talking about living life, as in plants or animals.

but now—with you, with klee, with mondstadt, with everyone. 

the chief alchemist seemed to realize:

life, life was in you.

life brought joy, laughter, pain, excitement, happiness—

and sometimes, even love

“But Albedo I—“

“It’s okay, [Y/N]. Though I am not personally aware of what seems to be troubling you, I will do everything in my power to assure that you feel comfortable with me.”

Life was short, Albedo noted. 

So—he wants to enjoy it.

—With you.

xiao does not fear rejection, but he does fear love

how pitiful... for a guardian yaksha such as him to fear such a trivial matter

love—love was scary. love could take control of him like how he was manipulated in the archon war, love could tug his arms and move him around like a puppet

he, adeptus xiao, did not want to love

but then, you came in. and it frustrated him tremendously. you were but a mere mortal, a fleeting life that came into his eternal one. you were someone who he did not deserve

and yet, he loved you

so much, so so so much, he can’t bear it. he can take on all those karmic binds, all those whispers and hatred—yet he cannot bear the love he feels for you. he cannot bear the way his heart races or leaps whenever he sees you, he cannot bear you

but—his heart does not like the fact that you feel the same

you had told him before, one night, a few months ago... you told him how you were afraid of love

you were afraid of getting tossed away, of being forgotten like the fallen archons in war, like a side character in a play of fontaine

and all xiao could do was scoff. whoever dared to throw you away would meet his spear, his rage. he could not fathom a world where you were hated, where anyone would dare to reject you—because, because—

you were his world, regrettably

Pacing up the stairs of Wangshu Inn, you ignored the gross feeling of your clothes sticking to your skin.

“[Y/N].”

Jolting up, your eyes met with that of the Guardian Yaksha—his piercing gaze and unwavering strength eyeing you down as if you were a pest.

“You’re going to get sick. Your mortal body cannot withstand such weather,” Xiao scolded, and on cue, a flash of light zipped through the air, the deep rumble of thunder following soon after.

Observing the way you flinched at the noise, Xiao merely wrapped an arm around your waist, teleporting you to the top of the inn and into your room.

“Dry up. I will return with soup,” The adeptus waved off your nervous gaze. He was not stupid, he has seen mortals succumb to sickness, and he hopes that you will not be one of them.

but as he heads to the kitchen, he cannot help but notice—notice the fact that you seemed to be... uneasy around him

was it something he said? was he perhaps too harsh with you? you of all people should know his words mean well, though...

and ugh, here it is again. the feeling of love that made even him overthink the smallest of things

yet after he brought you some soup and got you into bed, the question still ran around his mind like a halo. did you hate him? was this sickness bringing out your true thoughts?

well, yes and no

“Xiao...” You quietly murmured, wincing as the winds picked up inside your room, materializing a certain Yaksha out of thin air.

“What?”

“I’m sorry...”

“...?”

Rushing up to you, Xiao immediately placed a hand on your forehead, worried that you were on the brink of death.

“I’m sorry for liking you.”

“... What?” His eyes widened in disbelief, in shock. Sorry? Why were you sorry? Did you regret liking him? Was that why—

“I know...” You trailed off, in a drunken state of sickness, “That you don’t love me. But that’s okay. I just... wanted to let you know... because I’m afraid you’ll say no... but if you say no, I can at least move on...”

Staring at you fiercely, his breath hitched in his throat. No? No? He would never say no to you, ever, ever.

“Don’t move on,” Was all he could muster. 

Don’t. He wasn’t ready for love, no, he never was—but—

He did not want you to leave. 

This action of sickness was finally a catalyst, a catalyst for Xiao to confess to you properly when you were in the right state of mind.

And hopefully—when he does, you will say yes. 

xiao only confesses because he does not want to lose you

his karmic binds, the whispers, the screams. he does not want you to get tainted by them—so he is selfish, he is selfish for loving you and confessing to you... but he, he cannot bear to see you go

a double-edged sword, love is. it stabs his heart, skewering it as if it were nothing. it plunges his mind, clouding his thoughts as they fill with you and only you

can’t he just indulge in this fluffy feeling, once?

no—he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve you.

Under the rising stars and floating lanterns, the two of you sit. It is an unspoken love, you both share, it is an unwritten rule that paints the back of your minds like a canvas of colors. 

But love—is love. Love is the rainbow that forms in the sky when the rain is over, love is the sun that shines, washing away all of the coldness of the world.

Love is you.

ganyu feels... alone

so when you come into her life like a prospering glaze lily, she wants nothing more than to love you!

but you, confuse her. she is 100% sure you return her feelings, so why do you not seem to be... excited, about it?

To an immortal like Ganyu—love changes. At first, love was for the world, but then it shifted for mankind, and then it moved to... you.

She was no strange to love, in fact, she welcomed it! Ganyu wants to feel as mortal as possible, so when you stumble in and make her fumble for words—she knows she has fallen.

Like a meteor or a person—she falls for you. Everything reminds her of you, every flower and every bird makes her want to talk to you and spend her time with you.

But lately—you have been quite... reserved.

at first, ganyu thinks she is the problem. that she has done something wrong and she is a terrible crush

but then, she hears rumors. rumors about your past loves and how they rejected you mercilessly, how they played you like a marinette doll and caused you pain

to ganyu—that is the lowest any mortal could ever go. but for now, that is not her problem. she wants to help you, to make you realize that you are deserving of love and that you—you make her feel love

she—of course, does not confront you about this directly. ganyu is far too experienced to bring up past conflicts

but, she will subtly make you realize her feelings. with morning and night walks around liyue harbor, with hangouts and ‘dates’ at liuli pavilion...

love... it’s quite beautiful, isn’t it?

“Ah, the food here is certainly marvelous,” Ganyu gushed, enjoying a nice plate of jade parcels as you spared a smile.

“Yes, thank you for this, Ganyu. I know you work a lot and—“

“Of course, [Y/N]. Everyone needs breaks,” The woman returned your kind gesture, eyes crinkling in amusement as your heart pounded so loudly in your chest.

“In all honesty, [Y/N]. I feel quite a connection to you, and though I am aware you are hesitant— I just wanted to let you know that you are loved... by many people, not only me,” Ganyu rested her chopsticks down, making complete eye contact with you as her blue hair framed her face. The black and red horns that adorned her head glimmered—the kindness and delicate features of her nose and lips, her eyes and smile—

Your breath hitched.

ganyu—of course— does not expect an answer right away!

in fact, she thinks it’s quite unorthodox to confess to someone who is afraid of love—but her instincts told her it was right

it was abrupt, she knows. you don’t have to say yes, she knows.

but still, love was a game of chance—just as gambling, betting, anything. love was a game for two

so she took it. she took the chance, hoping that maybe you, you’d say yes.

“I...” You trailed off. You didn’t know Ganyu returned your feelings, neither did you ever imagine she could... Ganyu was half-adeptus, a caliber above you and your mortal-ness! Why would she ever think of you as anything more tha—

“Do not be afraid, [Y/N],” Ganyu’s voice was gentle as she soothed you. She had been here before, she had seen you cry out of a yearning for something you couldn’t have, she had seen your heart shatter and your mindset retract.

“I... like you too,” You responded, you felt light-headed, like you were soaring in the clouds that not even Celestia could bring you down.

Love, love was a gamble. And sometimes, you’d get your heart broken, your soul broken...

But love—it wasn’t so bad after all.

― constellations!

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #xiao x reader #albedo x reader #ganyu x reader #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #genshin xiao #genshin albedo #genshin ganyu #genshin #genshin impact #constellarations

[the-mostdiabolik-of-lovers]

I dont know if you believe in shifting realities or ever heard of it but if you do know and believe in it, could you please make the sakamakis reacting headcanons to their female s/o shifting realities to be with them? Like they cant shift into her reality but she can shift into theirs? And what if she forgets to shift sometimes? Would the boys miss her? (And ım sorry for my bad english its not my main language 😔)

Ava: You’re English is perfectly fine! Also, this one is a little long so it will be cut off by a “read more” button for those uninterested. ^^

                                   ┕━♔━┙

『 Sakamaki’s ー Fem!S/O Shifting Headcannons 』

　　❈  Shuu doesn’t understand. “Why?” is often the question he asks her as to coming to their mansion, involving herself in their affairs... It all seems too dangerous, doesn’t it? When he realises it’s because of him that she does, his attitude shifts a little. He teases, he mocks... but something within him feels a little warm and fuzzy. He’s touched that you care...

　　❈  Reiji is extremely fascinated by this possibility. When he comes to the realisation that he cannot shift to her universe, however, his lover becomes more of an experiment than she might hope. All in all, this fate is rather pleasant. With someone having sought him out on their own accord? He is quite flattered and has little to complain about.

　　❈  Ayato calls her bluff. No way you did something like that... Right? She’s just some creepy chick that wants to hop on top of him, right--? Until he has concrete evidence that she does shift, he is gonna deny her anything. Afterwards, though, (since he doesn’t like a try-hard always boosting his ego) he’ll be willing to hear out why she came for him.

　　❈  Kanato is curious, yet very suspicious. He doesn’t quite understand it all, either, but that’s what has him so paranoid. What if she’s trying to mess with him in some way? She will need to give him a lot of time and dedication to convince him that she means him no harm (if she doesn’t). He isn’t an easy one to win over in this situation, that’s for sure.

　　❈  Laito is fully invested in this narrative. He probes and prods her about her universe, why she visited him, why she shouldn’t try and go back, amongst plenty of other things. He enjoys messing with her too, sometimes pretending to not recognise her when she visits, just to get a reaction. He’s mostly just very curious why she wants him of all people~

　　❈  Subaru needs to sit down for a while. Her, doing this shifting thing to be with him!? He can’t wrap his head around it. No one would want that... right? She will need heaps of patience to form a relationship with Subaru, especially because he will be extremely suspicious of her intensions. Slowly but surely, he’ll work up his own confidence with it all.

　　❈  If she happens to forget to shift, there are varying reactions from the diaboys. Shuu would feel out of place, honestly, but brush it off for the most part, whilst Reiji would be sure to give her a strict disciplining once she returns about disrupting their schedule they decided upon.

　　❈  As for the triplets? Ayato would be super pissed. “How dare she not come see Yours Truly, no way she forgot!”. There will be plenty to make up for with him. Speaking of making it up, good luck with Kanato. After plenty of tantrums and tears, he’ll result in giving her the silent treatment when she returns, acting extremely coldly and unforgiving.

　　❈  Laito on the other hand, whilst a little upset in his own way at being forgotten, will degrade the hell out of his lover because of this. “Oo~h, I see how it is. You got yourself a new boyfriend, Bitch-chan? How cruel!”. And, when it comes to Subaru, he mostly tries to brush it off but he holds a grudge... He hates being forgotten. Do you even really care--?

#shuu sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #headcannons #headcanons #anon #Diabolik Lovers #dialovers collection #the-most-diabolik-of-lovers

[littlemisspascal]

Ezra’s Journal Entries #4-6

Fandom: Prospect / Pedro Pascal

Pairing: Ezra x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1,133

Summary:  I don’t deserve you, little love of mine. Not one damn piece of you.

Warnings: angsty fluff, night terrors, PTSD, Ezra dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, 1st person POV (Ezra), dialogue in italics because that’s just how I chose to do it, overuse of space metaphors, no beta so all mistakes are mine

Author Note: As always, thank you readers for your support! All the love to each one of you! Hope you like these new segments 💖

Entries #1-3 #7-9

Cross-posted on AO3

Look for additional notes at the bottom.

I feel a little less torn after speaking with Cee, hearing her voice crackling across the radio regale me with details of her current studies at Cero Tol, the latest novel she’s devouring, the daytrip she made to Lao to collect shells for an art project—it reminds me there was a sliver of profound goodness to come out of my otherwise disastrous journey to the Green. She rambles and babbles and laughs at her tongue’s inability to keep up with all she has to share. Her soul has found exactly what it has always yearned for: a life of her own making.

For all that she lost on the Green, she has adapted to her new path and overcome every obstacle with the same bullheaded determination a helianthus possesses. Never losing sight of her goals just as the flower never loses sight of the sun. 

I must admit I’d been reluctant to split ways with her after our perilous escape from the Green—after all, nothing bonds people together faster than the collaboration of slicing off an arm and creaming the gaping wound shut, then immediately engaging in a bloody conflict with heavily armed mercs—but she deserved better than to live a floater’s life tainted by a lack of morals and the uncertainty of not knowing if she would survive from one sunrise to the next.

She deserved to live a life amongst her own peers. To rouse that spark of creativity her father tried to extinguish. To turn gold in all the ways I cannot. 

Sending her to school was worth every point and credit we managed to scrape together. Still, I remember how bittersweet it felt watching that little bird, ever so fearless in the face of sudden change, march right up the ramp of the freighter at the Pug, determined to make me and you proud by excelling at the academy. Standing amongst the sea of parents waving goodbye to their children, I wrapped my arm around your waist, rested my head atop yours, and forced myself to swallow a harsh pill of truth.

With or without me in her life, Cee is going to be just fine.

I remember how you swung our linked hands as we walked back to our ship, your sweet voice a soothing balm easing the ache of my melancholic heart. Ezra, she’s fierce and bold and strong. That little golden child is going to have her name written in the stars one day.

Kevva do I hope I live to see your vision come true.

First thing I remember noticing about you was your eyes. Remember how I caught you staring at me from across the bar? You looked at me like I was your North Star pointing you home, like I was something shiny and special. You scared the fuck out of me. It’s the worst thing I ever thought, but it’s true. I would have fled the scene if your gaze hadn’t anchored my soul. 

You introduced yourself, and I knew goodbye would never be a word exchanged between us. No, we became a pair of binary stars, constantly orbiting each other round and round, hello again and see you soon. Falling in love with you was inevitable. The Currents designed you perfect for me. Designed you with meteorite in your bones and sunlight on your lips and all the constellations sparkling in your eyes. There is no grander form of paradise than to feel you beneath my hand. There is no comparison. No second place contender. Just you, your tender heart, and the galaxies you contain. 

Sometimes, late at night when you’re asleep and my thoughts are too loud for my head, I stare at the ceiling and speculate about alternate verses. Verses starring another me and another you crisscrossing each other’s paths as we’re pulled across the galaxy by our heartstrings. Somewhere, there is another me who never escapes the ruthlessness of the Green and breathes my last with Inumon’s knife in my lungs. Another me who will never know the emotional and physical anguish that accompanies the loss of a limb. Another me who pulls the thrower’s trigger without hesitation, firing a shot between the wide eyes of an innocent girl. Another me who ignores the temptation of harvesting aurelac in hopes of making a reputable name for myself. 

Somewhere, there is another me who ran away from another you.

And it pains me to wonder if perhaps you’re happier never knowing me.

I speculate about those two most of all.

I woke up to screaming. My mind was a tangled mess, caught between the thin barriers separating reality from dreamscape, and I was truly convinced my head would explode from the noise. Inumon wouldn’t stop screaming no matter how hard I squeezed my fingers, no matter how much of my bulk I pressed down upon her. It’s me! She wailed like an animal in a trap, sensing impending doom but unable to flee from it. It’s me, it’s me, it’s me! Please, Ezra!

A thought crossed my mind, as sudden and blinding as a shooting star streaking through the midnight sky, and I found myself incapable of ignoring it. How does she know my name? I had cloaked my identity using a dead man’s name. It wasn’t feasible for her to know the truth or for the sound of my name coming out of her mouth to set my skin aflame. 

There aren’t words to describe the horror which consumed me when I looked down upon your tear-stained face. 

My mama once told me everybody’s a sinner. We have wickedness embedded in our cells from womb to tomb. It buries its roots deep, resistant to our attempts to rid ourselves of its corruption, and waits for the precise moment to inflict pain upon those we love most. Those who choose to love us despite the warning signs.

In the aftermath, when my fucking fingerprints were smudged across your throat blue and purple, you held me like I was a human and not a monster or a vexation or a broken thing to toss aside. I couldn’t stop trembling, couldn’t stop my mind from conjuring a torturous loop of what ifs. 

What if I hadn’t stopped myself? What if you hadn’t broken the nightmare’s spell? What if your last word had been my name? 

Hush, you whispered. My tremors worsened upon hearing the raspy quality of your voice and you pressed your lips to my forehead. An undeserved benediction. I’m here. You haven’t lost me. 

I don’t deserve you, little love of mine. Not one damn piece of you. If I could I’d give you the whole galaxy, but I only have one hand and it terrifies me to risk letting you go. Forgive me, please, for asking you to stay with me.

Forgive me for how much I dearly love you.

Notes:

Cero Tol is a made up academy based on Cerro Tololo Inter-American Observatory located in Chile. 

Lao is an island planet(?) mentioned in Prospect. Damon tells Cee she was born there.

Helianthus is the genus for sunflowers. I liked the fanciness of it 🙂

Points were referenced in Prospect as a type of currency. Credits are a Star Wars form of currency that I thought would also be fitting to use.

Binary Stars =  a system of two stars in which one star revolves around the other or both revolve around a common center.

I like to think there are alternate realities or a multiverse. It’s fun to imagine all the different possibilities another me is experiencing. 

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why guns in Prospect are called throwers, but that’s what the creators decided so that’s the terminology I’ll use too.

Series Taglist: @insomniamamma

Permanent Taglist: @promiscuoussatan, @melobee, @randomness501, @captain-jebi, @artsymaddie, @happiestsparkleofall, @gallowsjoker, @vintagesaph, @sylphene, @chibi-yuki, @freeshavocadoooo, @stilllivindue2spite, @pointy-sharp, @leilei-draws, @over300books, @theocatkov, @oh-no-a-whovian, @you-and-i-deserve-the-world, @lin-djarin, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @coaaster, @waywardmando, @thisshipwillsail316, @grogusmum​, @asta-lily, @mylifeofcalculatedchaos, @absurdthirst, @disgruntledspacedad​, @read-and-rec​

#ezra prospect #ezra x reader #ezra x you #ezra's journal #prospect fanfiction #prospect #ezra fanfic #ezra prospect fanfiction #my writing #my fic #pedro pascal character fanfiction #ezra prospect x you #ezra prospect x reader #prospect film #pedrostories

[mar-s-bar-s]

strength - a tartaglia story

(this fic is part of the series i am doing)

!genshin spoilers (specifically about childe) in explanation! i haven’t really read the lore on him but i still know a bit so apologies if i got something wrong

The card of strength upright represents, well, strength. It symbolises the courage it takes to persevere. Persuasion also is an aspect of it. Other aspects of this card include compassion and influence. I think Childe fits this card really well as a major aspect of his character is strength and desire to get stronger. Persuasion is shown in the form of both his quick wit and rough charm, along with more.. physical means as a Fatui member. Compassion isn’t obvious, it’s more towards his family, and he holds a lot of influence as a Harbinger. 

Now what’s interesting is the reversal of Strength can also apply to him. He has a ton of inner strength, clearly, to have survived both in mind and body the fall into the Abyss. Does self-doubt also apply to him then? I think that since he’s constantly trying to prove his strength, even though he is extremely strong and he knows it, he suffers self-doubt towards his actions. He’s not on the right path, joined because he was chosen by the Tsaritsa as her weapon and to protect his family. His loyalty to the Tsaritsa is unquenchable, but I think there are still those shreds of doubt deep inside asking whether he wanted this. Low energy is an aspect of Strength reversed, and is shown right after his show of strength as Foul Legacy, his battered and weak human body coping with the transformation effects. In conclusion, he is the perfect person for this prompt, in my opinion. I also just wanted to show how it’s okay to be weak sometimes, that strength isn’t just physical and yeah.

gn!traveler! reader (reader is not lumine or aether, just a traveler from another world; weapon is more of a melee/close combat weapon)

warnings: genshin archon quest (liyue) spoilers, violence, aftermath of foul legacy, no one dies, but there's blood, typical golden house violence, childe is slightly ooc towards the end but that's because he’s soft and mushy, also poor medical knowledge sorry to any medical people reading this, there’s a bit of angst but a lot of fluff 

in which u beat tartaglia up then look after him then kiss him to shut him up

series m.list

Blood drips from your weapon as you hold yourself up, panting heavily. Red tints your vision, the harsh crackle of lightning coming from Foul Legacy’s polearm harmonising with your pulse resounding through your ears. It’s overwhelming, yet you’ve never felt more alive.

You’ve been fighting Childe for the past hour, and the quick defeat of his first two forms is eerie. Have you grown stronger? There’s no time to wonder as his flurry of attacks force you to leap out of the way in defence. The squeaks of your shoes feel almost comical in this dark place, the only light being from the moon glinting off the Mora lying all around, piles and piles of the gold causing a warm glow across the room that was never meant to be used as a makeshift arena. 

His attacks are becoming slightly repetitive, the same three slashes, and just when you think you have an opening, he summons the godforsaken whale, leaving you to sprint to the side of the arena lest you drown in the incoming flood. You’re closer to him than you thought, and you immediately get on the offensive, slashing out and barely scratching through his armour. 

Childe laughs, the sound distorted by the mask materialised by his transformation. He sounds terribly amused, you scowl, and dodge his polearm swinging down at you, stabbing at the slight gap in his armour, not expecting it to connect. When it does, you slide the weapon out in shock, seeing the crimson drip off the blade, yet are left with no time to marvel as Childe immediately starts a new sequence of attacks, and you are once again on the defensive.

A slight pause in the sequence is enough for your red stained blade to rain down upon his armour, the weapon beating down upon his arms, the Harbinger countering with double blades. You’re shoved back with the force, coughing slightly at the impact. The night is still young, yet it feels like hours since you first began.

Your lungs burn and your head feels clouded. Yet as you stand there, watching Childe warily, you notice that his movements are slowly becoming sluggish. Have you worn him down? The very thought gives you an energy boost, your screaming muscles are not heeded as you circle him slowly, his movements becoming slightly easier to read. He is incredibly strong, you admit to yourself, but tonight you’re walking out of here the victor. 

You spring out of the way as he speeds past you, twisting through the air as you kick him in the back, unbalancing him with his momentum just enough to hit him with the butt of your weapon, hard. He stumbles, and that is enough to bring him down to the floor with a barrage of your attacks. 

He doesn’t get back up. 

Unsure, you stand with your weapon poised, the dried blood a testament to his injury. Childe fought well, and you cannot tell if it is just a fluke that you emerged victorious. 

A small gasp alerts you, Childe’s Foul Legacy form dissipating from his body, which is littered with cuts and bruises. Your eyes immediately are drawn to the deep wound matching your blade shape on his torso, and his eyes fly open. A weak smile is on his face.

“You fought well, comrade,” Childe grins, his face pallored and sweaty, and you drop your weapon. “Putting your weapon down? No matter how injured someone may be, never let your guard down around them. Especially a Harbinger.”

He somehow wrestles with the ground enough to sit up and kick your legs out from under you. You land with a heavy thud, a breath of air getting knocked out of you as you grab your weapon and point it at him, worry obvious in your face at his flushed, sweaty face. He looks sick. Is it the wound? You grab your belongings.

“Leaving already?” Childe’s lazy smirk is betrayed by his voice cracking slightly. You ignore him, rummaging around in your bag for needles and thread, ointment and bandages. You return, and he looks at you, lips parting in surprise as you kneel by him, your weapon left by your bag.

You wordlessly gesture to his outer clothing on his torso, and he is unusually quiet as he slowly slips his shirt off, his flushed face getting even more red as your hands guide him to lie down. You clean your hands and the wound and take out the sterilised needles and begin stitching, taking out your seelie to better aid you in seeing what you’re doing. 

After bandaging the wound and helping him put his clothes back on, Childe is wordless. You’ve been so gentle with him, even though you don’t particularly like him. He calls you his friend, yet he knows deep down he’s lying to both himself and you. He knows you don’t view him as anything but an evil Harbinger with bloodstained hands, and he definitely doesn’t view you as a friend, he views you as so much more. How he longs to throw away the crimson mask he wears constantly, a brutal reminder of the role he has taken on, and join you on your travels across Teyvat. Yet reality is merciless, and his hopes are constantly shattered when you leave once again, eyes dancing with mirth as you interact with the citizens of Liyue. 

But not when with him. Your face is not carefree when with him, it is a battle mask of bared teeth and frenzied eyes. He loves seeing both your faces you show, but he wishes you’d laugh when with him. His eyes are cloudy, and as you gently run your hands through his hair, they close. Just for a bit, he thinks. I’ll let my guard down just for a bit.

When he wakes up, he isn’t in the Golden House anymore, but a soft bed. Golden ribbons of light pierce through the shutters, and he immediately sits up, wincing slightly at the sharp pain in his torso. He looks down, noticing a figure slumped over the bed from a chair, and is struck at how beautiful you look when asleep. He holds his breath, hoping you stay like that for a while. 

You yawn and awake, stretching your arms out and over your head as you stare at Childe. After he passed out from your ministrations, you mentally groaned and carried him out of the Golden House, all the way over to your small apartment on the outside of Liyue Harbour. Were you regretting it? Definitely. Were you feeling bad for him? Yes. Was this a stupid decision? Of course. But seeing his pretty face sleeping almost made up for it,

“Hey comrade,” Childe smirks. “Sleeping in the same bed as a Harbinger? This really wasn’t your brightest moment.”

Your nod is perfunctory and you stand. “Glad to see you’re alive.”

Childe curses at himself mentally. Why is he provoking you? 

“I’ll go make something for us to eat,” you stand up, leaving to go to the kitchen. “Stay here.”

Childe looks down at his hands, confusion seeping its way into his brain. Why were you being so kind to him? Why weren’t you making the same remarks as always? He doesn’t deserve it. So why?

You return with a large plate of fried eggs and toast. Childe takes it numbly, not caring to check if it’s poisoned as he swallows. 

After he’s done and you’ve gone back to the kitchen, he decides he’ll leave. Why burden you further? He grabs his scarf you’ve neatly folded and placed on the dresser, the scent of your laundry detergent lingering on it and he short-circuits. It smells like you. He wraps it slightly tighter and walks to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” you stare at him with concern in your eyes as you make tea. The look in your eyes makes his heart pound. You’ve never looked at him this way before, and he feels his walls threatening to crumble. 

“Well, I figured I’d get going,” he rambles, waving his hands as you stop what you’re doing and walk over to him. Childe’s eyes dilate slightly and he feels his pulse speed up. “You know, I’ve got stuff to do and comrades to train and you’ve been really nice-”

He’s cut off when you pull him towards you by his scarf and kiss him. His heart almost gives out before he realises that, holy shit, he’s being kissed by you and oh Archons it feels amazing. And he’s holding your waist, and you’re pulling him closer and closer and if you asked right now for the world, he’d give it to you. And he’s kissing you back, the warmth you share drives away the morning chill. 

When you finally pull away, Childe looks like he’s over the moon. 

“Finally, quiet,” you speak first, imitating his annoying smirk as you gesture towards the kitchen table. “Would you like some tea?”

#childe #childe x reader #genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #childe genshin #foul legacy #childe oneshot #childe fic #childe x you #genshin x reader #foul legacy is kinda fine #foul legacy is hot idc #genshin tartaglia #childe imagines #gensin impact x gender neutral reader #x reader #gender neutral reader #gn #gn reader #i wrote this at 4 am good night #good night fic #bro i want some tartagalicious dreams #not proofread

[missdawnandherdusk]

The Serpent Beneath

Draco X Gryffindor!Reader

Request: @daltonacademia Draco x Gryffindor reader and maybe like a faking dating type of situation? I am a sucker for the faking dating trope lmao. Maybe you could even spice it up by making it kind of an inside out version of enemies to lovers when they act lovey-dovey in public but in secret despise each other until they slowly get feelings??

A/n: Okay so this is part one because I’m evil, but part two will be up soon enough. Let me know what you think and I love you guys so much!

“Look, I’d love to go with you but...” I scrambled for an excuse. “But I’m dating someone already,” Yeah, that worked.

Harry wasn’t convinced. “Really?” He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“Yes!” I said a bit too enthusiastically.

“Who?” He demanded.

“Uh,” then I saw him from across the room, coming in right in front of Snape, to his seat beside me. “Malfoy,”

“Malfoy!?” Harry’s eyes bulged. “Are you bloody joking!?”

“Oi, this isn’t your seat Potter,” Draco sulked, pushing past him. “Make a fool of yourself in front of Y/l/n on your own time,”

I gave a tense smile as Snape called the class to order. Slumping in my seat, I glanced nervously over at Draco. What in the world had I just done?

“What’s got Potter so off? You refuse to kiss his feet this morning?” Draco muttered toward the end of class that was filled with glares and offhand comments from Potter all the while.

“I might have told him we’re... dating,”

Draco stiffened beside me, sitting up ramrod straight. His hands clenched into fists as he sat there glaring at the front of the room. All things considered it could have been a worse reaction. He could be yelling or hexing me. Still his stoicism worried me.

As soon as class was dismissed, Draco remained seated, still rigid. His hand came to my wrist with a vice grip and I had no choice but to stay put. I tried to not let my nervousness leak into my facial features. Especially as Harry glanced back at us still sulking. I managed a smile.

When the room was clear, he let go of me and stood, shoving excess parchments and quills off the table.

“Are you absolutely daft!?” He shouted. I shrank back in my chair.

“I panicked okay!?” I bit back. “He asked me to the Yule Ball and chosen one or not I cannot stand him,”

Draco anger flitted to confusion before resting on something neutral.

“Ickle Gryffindor can’t stand Saint Potter?” A devious smirk was playing at his lips. “I thought it came with the territory,”

“Oh, you’re not a picnic either Malfoy,” I snapped. “Bloody Slytherins,”

“And yet you chose me,” He was toying with me now, as a cat cornered a mouse. “Is this admiration I see?”

“It was mistake,” I huffed grabbing my bag and standing. “Do you get off on making me miserable?”

He caught my arm as I went to leave. I shook him off. There was something mischievous in his eyes as he smiled at me. It left an unsettling pit in my stomach.

“Do you not want me to walk me to your next class?” His feigned innocence was a serpent waiting beneath a flower.

“Shove off Malfoy, I already have enough of a mess to fix. I don’t need this from you,”

“Well, the way I see it,” He grabbed his bag walking along side me. “Is that if you can’t stand Potter and the only way you’d think to get out of dating him is to ‘date’ me... and I’d love to see Potter knocked down a few pegs...” His smile curled into something wicked.

I stopped in my tracks and gaped at him.

“I’m not some toy you can fight over! And I don’t like you!” I exclaimed.

“But do you hate me enough that you won’t consider a fake relationship with me over whatever train wreck it would be with Potter?” Draco really scared me sometimes.

I worried my lip with his question and started to walk to my next class. He kept pace with me as we walked. His silence baffled me, allowing me to think clearly for the moment.

“Okay,” I muttered, pausing in an empty hall. “Deal,” 

“Deal?” He seemed skeptical.

“Don’t get me wrong, I loathe you entirely, but... if you can get me out of having to date Potter or constantly turn him down... then deal,”

“Glad to be in business, darling,” Draco drawled, and I had to do everything not to cringe at the pet name. “See you after class?” He leaned in as if to kiss my cheek.

“Buy me dinner first, Malfoy,” I hissed, flinching away. “But... see you after class,” I achieved a small genuine smile.

McGonagall looked down on me as I entered class late and took my seat beside Hermione. 

“Is it true?” She whispered urgently. “Are you dating Malfoy?”

I nodded, not taking my eyes off McGonagall as she lectured. It was uncharacteristic of Hermione that she spoke to me during class. She was normally keenly intent on learning the new material or getting ahead on things we haven’t covered yet. Now all she could do was gape at me before tearing her eyes away to McGonagall.

“How in the world can you date Malfoy?” She hissed as we left class, before freezing, seeing that Draco was waiting in the hall, leaned causally against the opposite wall. He pushed off of it and made his way over to me, offering his hand and glancing to my bag. I raised my eyebrow at him, and he offered a seemingly sincere smile. I passed my bag to him.

“I’ll see you later Hermione,” I smiled tensely.

She eyed us suspiciously but made her way down the hall in the direction of the library where she would spend her free time this afternoon, akin to every other afternoon.

“How was class?” Draco asked, leading me down the halls in a direction of no consequence to me.

“Fine,” I stammered out. “Just McGonagall. Hermione and I are already a few lessons ahead anyway.”

“You favor Transfiguration, then?” He mused, as if he were actually interested.

“Uh... I prefer Astrology, but that’s not really the use of magic is it? Just stories.” I shrugged and smiled. “What about you Malfoy? You’re a Potions protégé, is it your favorite?”

“Uh, yeah,” He didn’t seem too sure. I pointed it out. “Well, I never really thought about it. I have to be good at everything, so why favor one subject over another?”

I glanced up at him, confusion furrowing my brow slightly.

“What?” He demanded, snideness leaking into his tone. It brought me back to reality. 

“How... Slytherin of you,” I noted with a teasing smirk. He rolled his eyes at this.

When we were out of earshot and eyesight of anyone and his demeanor changed fractionally, still giving way to a serpent under a flower. If I wasn’t careful, I would start to marvel at the miracle of the flower and overlook the threat that lurked beneath. His expression became somber and something more akin to what I was used to. A grimace. I missed the false smiles that lit up his eyes.

Flower. Serpent. Right.

“Do you really want to get dinner tonight?” His curt tone pushed me back a fraction.

“Oh... uh.” I wrapped my arms around myself in protection. “Sure?” 

It was a weekday, meaning that we’d have to eat in the Great Hall and my stomach felt uneasy about sitting anywhere near other Slytherins. Fake dating Draco or not, they were malicious to any sort of outsider, especially a Gryffindor who was friends with Saint Potter.

“I’ll pick you up at seven outside your portrait.” He passed my bag back to me now that we were outside the aforementioned portrait.

“Okay,” I barely got out as he swept down the hall and down the stairs. I watched him go, leaning over the railing to see if there was some way to know the difference between the serpent and the flower, and which one was truly the act.

“Fraternizing with a Slytherin,” The Fat Lady scoffed. “You should be ashamed,” I bit my lip, giving the password and the portrait opened begrudgingly.

Should I be ashamed for the situation that I had found myself in? The easy answer was yes. I should. Not only was I fraternizing I was being courting by a Slytherin. Draco Malfoy was an egotistical arrogant bigot who I should avoid at all cost. Not be in a false relationship with. And for such selfish reasons too. I was using Draco, but on the same note, he was using me to get at Harry. We only cared for the other enough for what they could do in our favor.

It was a mess.

I ducked my head and flopped onto a sofa in the Common Room.

“Oi! What the bloody hell are you thinking!?” And there was the lecture I was expecting from Harry, and probably every other student on this campus, and myself. But this was Harry, an equally egotistical arrogant loudmouth, who I loved to hate just as much.

“I’m sorry,” I snapped sarcastically. “I didn’t know that you controlled who I dated or not.” My tone was acidic.

“But Malfoy!? Malfoy!?” Harry demanded. “It’s got to be a joke!” It was.

“Just because I rejected you doesn’t mean you’re allowed to call my relationship with someone else a joke!” I shouted drawing my wand. A small crowd had formed in the Common Room. I didn’t know who they would side with, but the odds weren’t in my favor, that much was sure.

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part 2

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masterlist

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more like this:

gryffindor!reader series

ten things i hate about you

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#Draco #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco x reader #draco x #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x reader #Draco Malfoy x OC #draco malfoy x #Draco Malfoy #Hermione Granger #Gryffindor #Slytherin x Gryffindor #draco x gryffindor!reader #Harry Potter #harry potter blog #harry potter fanart #Harry Potter rewrite #harry potter request #draco malfoy reader insert #draco malfoy redemption #draco redemption #redeem draco malfoy #redeem slytherin #fake dating #draco lucius malfoy #slytherin #ravenclaw #hogwarts

[keisurou]

Hi, can you do an angsty fic for kuroo x reader? Doesn’t have to be nsfw if you don’t want it to be, but if you’re okay with it, please do.

forget me not (edited + rewritten ver. here)

(ft. tetsurou kuroo)

synopsis: your love for kuroo is like a forget me not - always there, but constantly overlooked.

This is very short and somewhat angsty (my heart hurts but I’m sure everyone has different tolerances for angst. I’m just a big baby). Thank you so much anon for giving me my very first request!! It was so much fun to write this. I hope you enjoy it :)

When you first met him, you were insanely jealous of Tetsurou Kuroo. Being an overweight, chubby kid with your head always in books was hard enough. But it was worse when there was a smart and athletic kid as your neighbour, no less. You remember blatantly closing your front door in Kuroo’s face when he would stop by your house to invite you to play volleyball, right before muttering something about annoying know-it-alls who never gave up. You hated his idiotic face. Why couldn’t he understand that someone like you could never be friends with someone like him?

But he came by, every afternoon, the same dorky smile plastered on his face. And then on the eve of your twelfth birthday, you asked him to wait.

In middle school, it’s hard to be friends with both girls and boys. You realised this very early on when the girls would shun you for hanging out with Kuroo and Kenma. Of course, you weren’t that fazed because the solution was simple: you could just hang out with the boys instead.

But as you rushed to meet them at the cafeteria, you heard the snickers of rowdy boys as they pointed and teased. Kenma looks uncomfortable, and you can’t blame him. You know very well how mean people could be and why sometimes being alone was much better than being vulnerable with someone else. It was why you and him clicked so quickly within days of meeting each other.

Kuroo stood up and waved, beckoning you over, the same dorky smile you were used to since elementary school plastered on his face. You hesitated only for a moment before walking over, but Kuroo had noticed.

“Don’t pay them any attention. They’re just dumb,” he said this loudly, his voice easily heard by those sitting at nearby tables. “You’re always welcome here. We both want you here,” he nudged Kenma then who jolted his attention from his food to us and quickly nodded in agreement.

It had been raining on the way home that day and the chill had seeped into your bones, but Kuroo’s words from earlier had already instilled a seedling of warmth in your heart in the form of a four leaf clover.

It was in your first year of middle school, when you finally understood what it meant to have all the hope in the word.

In your first year of high school, you’re shocked at how many girls want to be your friend. You quickly find out it’s because of your close friendship with Kuroo.

“I didn’t expect you two to be so close! Can you introduce him to us? Pleaseee?”

It was always hard to say no, but Kuroo’s surprising popularity wasn’t what bugged you.

“Hey, Kenma,” you looked up from your book and stared at your friend as he tapped away at his game console. “Are people surprised when they see you’re close with Kuroo?”

“Huh?” He scrunched up his eyebrows and quickly glanced at you, almost as if to confirm he heard you correctly. “No. That’s stupid, why would it be surprising?”

Why, indeed.

It takes you almost a year to realise it’s because your personality doesn’t match his. Of course, you don’t come to this conclusion yourself. You had heard it amongst the many loud whispers that take place in the girls bathroom, and began to realize that it was true. You never really had understood the excitement that was associated with spreading gossip in the bathrooms, and you disliked it even more so when you heard your name being thrown around.

Girls like you aren’t meant for guys like Kuroo.

But who cares, right? That’s what you had told yourself then. After all, it was you, not them, who was close friends with him. And your silly little heart was content that way.

But in your final year of high school, Kuroo came to the rooftop of the school building where you and Kenma waited. It had been a tradition; every lunch, one of you would go buy bread for everyone. But that day, in the middle of spring, the cherry blossoms had bloomed, and Kuroo brought both bread and his new girlfriend to introduce to his two closest friends. You all exchanged pleasantries, you specifically avoiding eye contact with Kuroo, speaking mostly to his girlfriend, Akari, instead. You bonded quickly - it was hard to not like her when she was so open and honest and relatable. But even though you liked her as a person, your lips threatened to tremble when you and Kenma smiled at them both as you waved goodbye. The silence that follows their departure is deafening, because Kenma knows everything. He doesn’t say anything, because frankly, what’s there to be said? You don’t want to put him in an awkward position between you and Kuroo, so you take out your console and you both start playing together.

Soon, it’s the only thing you ever do during lunch breaks at school anymore.

The mirror stands there, and you slowly avoid it, wrapping a towel around you before you pass it.

It really is a terrible thing, pointing out and magnifying your flaws in such a way that it's burned into your brain so you can never forget it.

Today, you were meeting Kuroo and Kenma for brunch after your lecture this morning. It was the perfect opportunity to skip breakfast.

The restaurant chosen was one they had frequented often. Kuroo and Kenma were already there by the time you arrived.

“So, what do you think?” Kuroo stared down at the box he had placed on the table and pulled at his collar. He was nervous and distracted, you could tell with the way he traced the outlines and shapes of his phone, wallet, and the envelope.

You realise within a moment that he wants someone to believe in himself - to tell him that he’s okay, that he’s doing great. That he’s making her happy. “It’s wonderful,” you break the silence first, and you can’t keep the awe from lacing your words even if you tried. It was such a beautiful gesture, you wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. “Akari’s going to love it so much,”

Kenma follows suit and gives a nod. “It’s very much your style too. And your tastes match hers.”

There’s a light blush that dusts his cheeks and he clears his throat. Your chest tightens as you realize you haven’t seen this side of Kuroo in years. Since your high school graduation, probably. “Thanks guys. I’m so nervous,”

“Yeah, we can tell just by looking at you,” Kenma rolls his eyes and it lightens the entire mood of the table. It’s been a while since all three of you were able to joke and laugh like this. Like before - before Akari had come in and joined the group and all of a sudden, Kuroo had slowly begun to forget everything about you.

The waitress brings the menus around soon, and asks for your orders. Your stomach rumbles silently and you take a quick sip of your water. The thought of eating something and gaining weight makes you a little dizzy. You distinctly remember what happened the last time you stood naked in front of your mirror and you push the menu away. “Oh, I’m fine. I had a big breakfast,”

You let yourself forget about the reality of the here and now, and only for a moment, you imagine what you wished it was like instead.

You escape to a place where you’re finally enough for someone like Kuroo, and a small part of you jumps up to hold onto a slither of hope that dangles right above your fingertips. That one day, just maybe, it could be true.

It’s raining when you receive the news. It’s not the light rain that we hope for on days we don’t want to leave the house - it’s pouring outside with dark thunderclouds. The sound of the rain beating down on your glass windows and doors is deafening.

“She said yes!”

Kuroo bursts in, laughing, his hair slick from the rain, and for a brief moment in time, you think he’s talking about something else. You’re transported to an alternate universe where he’s coming home to you. But then Akari follows suit quickly, her eyes bright and sparkling as she holds up her hand.

There’s a ring on her finger.

Your mug slips from your hands, but you don’t hear the shatter of glass. Instead you let out a delirious laugh, your hands coming over to cover your mouth because you really cannot believe you didn’t see this coming - god, you were so stupid. But what did you expect, really? This was real life after all.

They mistake your laugh for one of ecstasy and you find some relief in the fact that one of your closest friends now knows so little about you. Kenma comes around, his eyes worried as he sits next to you on the sofa. You didn’t even realise his arrival and you apologise before heading to the kitchen to grab a bottle and some glasses. You needed to numb the pain. They needed to celebrate.

Akari has already started recounting the entire scenario by the time you get back to the group and you realize you’re glad that you missed most of it. The unwelcome thought makes you feel terrible.

Kuroi drowns his glass, the telltale sign of his eyes being glazed over a clear sign that you needed to cut him off now. “You know,” he begins, staring right at you, his finger intertwined loving with his fiancée’s. “Up until I met Akari, I always thought it’d be you,”

Your heart stops. You hear a sharp gasp, and realize it came from you but you can’t bring yourself to even look at him. He mistakes your gasp as one of indignation and lets out a genuine laugh.

But he doesn’t understand that it’s the final nail on the coffin.

Akari stirs in his arms, and he carries her up bridal style, everything else forgotten, and claims that it was time to go home. He bids both you and Kenma goodbye and jokes about keeping an eye out for the wedding invitations soon.

You force out a laugh, but you’re so exhausted from pretending that you can’t help but wonder what would happen if you just didn’t.

Kenma shuffles awkwardly at the door after Kuroo leaves and places a warm, comforting hand on your head. His voice is soft as usual but missing the undertones of nonchalance that had quickly become a signature of his. “I know Kuroo said what he did, but you have to understand.. Kuroo, he.. h-he doesn’t really…” he trails off, his voice getting quieter and quieter. You know he means well - he wants you to move on and be happy with someone who loves you like all your friends.

You can’t help but take pity on him, and quickly offer an escape from the impossibility of trying to sugarcoat the ugly truth that continuously returned to tear at your heartstrings. “I know, Kenma. I’m not silly,” you chuckle and you hope he can’t hear the hollowness in it. Your voice strains with the effort to keep it even, and when you swallow, you can feel sharp needles stabbing at your heart. “Men like Kuroo were never made for women like me,”

And this time, you believe it.

It’s 3am and I just finished writing this and my brain is an absolute mess. I’m half tempted to make a second part with a fluffy ending because I had to cut out so much stuff that I wanted to include, but I’m not sure yet. Sorry for any spelling/grammatical mistakes - this entire thing was written on my phone so I think there will be much more than usual but I will be going over to fix up all the mistakes tomorrow. Let me know what y’all think!! But for now, goodnight.

#kuroo tetsuro x you #tetsurou kuroo #kuroo x female reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo angst #hq angst #hq x reader #hq x female reader #hq kuroo #star.writes #haikyuu