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veg-hotwings · 1 year

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"You should tell him"

Fandom: My Hero Academia | Boku no Hero Academia

Relationships: Mr.Compress x OC; slight soft DabiHawks

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 1138

Other tags: League of Villains as Family, Feelings, New Year's Celebrations, Snow

AKEMI BELONGS TO @aka-lambda!

Merry Christmas, I'm so happy I met you! ❤️🌿🍒

“You should tell him, you know”

A young, high-pitched voice wormed its way through her thoughts, making her look away from the man’s distant shape to focus on the girl who stood next to her, her wide grin still visible on her cheeks even with the soft scarf around her neck.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she replied, her face suddenly hotter and redder despite the winter night’s chilly air, more self-conscious than she’d been just a few moments before.

The girl ignored her protests, huffing her breath over her gloved hands, her golden irises not really transfixed on their family, somehow lost and far away.

“You’re the luckiest among us all” she continued as Akemi had never spoken, rolling on her heels while the others’ screams and voices lightened up the atmosphere at the deserted temple.

Something uncomfortably similar to a pang of guilt clenched at the quirkless’ heart.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, as much as I love being in love, it’s not always as easy as I make it seem having my dear ones far away” Toga explained after staying silent for a bit, a sad sigh shaking her small figure. “Nor is knowing they probably hate me because of my love language” she added, her voice low and shy, almost a murmur. “I’m not the type to lose hope, and I’ll keep pursuing Izuku-kun and Ochacho-chan until they finally love me back, but waiting for a chance to even see them is so hard sometimes”

Akemi kept quiet, studying Himiko’s expression from the corner of her eye and hiding herself a little bit more in her own scarf, her rainbow tresses dangling softly around her.

“Sometimes I really envy you, Akemi-chan. And them, most of all” she added, pointing towards two lonely people in the distance with her chin. Even from their far away spot Hawks’ massive red wings were more than visible, quivering gently as Dabi’s long, warm fingers caressed through ruby feathers. The hero leaned in towards the arsonist, not minding their surroundings in the slightest as the two of them rang the bell and offered their prayers for New Year’s. The contact was barely there, but there was so much intimacy in that tiny gesture that Akemi had to turn her eyes from the couple, her chest tightening.

“I know Dabi-kun doesn’t trust Hawksie completely yet, but they’re still trying, every day, to be themselves around each other, to be real and truthful with each other despite their differences”. Another sigh. “What I’m trying to say is that you and Mister don’t have any of these problems. You’ve always fought for the same goal together, you don’t have to work on your trust issues with him to make sure he won’t betray you, and surely you won’t be on opposite sides of the battlefield when war comes, so what’s stopping you? Is it because you’re afraid of rejection?”.

Himiko furrowed her eyebrows, as Akemi found swallowing extremely hard, her pulse thundering in her own ears. “You’ll never know if it’s impossible if you don’t tell him, won’t you? Maybe he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be together. Maybe all he needs is a chance to look at you differently, men can be so oblivious sometimes!” she sounded exasperated now, but it was a good change from her rare dim mood. “Besides, I think the two of you would make a great couple! You’re both so funny, and you were both told your quirk - or lack thereof - was something to be ashamed of, something useless. Still, I would have never met Izuku-kun and Ochaco-chan last summer if it wasn’t for Mister, we wouldn’t have taken revenge on that Overhaul piece of shit for Big Sis Magne’s murder, and you were there too all along. You’re such a great support to us, Akemi-chan, and you’re family. Don’t ruin your chance at being happy, don’t let their voices convince you they were right about you, okay?”

There were so many thoughts in Akemi’s head she found herself unable to even open her mouth, so distracted by Toga’s words she didn’t even notice the girl crouching and moulding a snowball in her hands. “If you don’t wanna do it for yourself, do it for me, at least!” she chuckled once again, her expression now devoid of any trace of dreariness. “I love a good romance!”

And then, without another word, she flew towards her friends, shooting her snowball straight towards Jin’s face and smacking it right in the centre. Jin started chasing her right away, her laugh silver in the air as she jumped on Spinner’s shoulders and instructed him to run away from the man as her valiant chariot. The gecko loudly protested but humoured her anyway, and even Tomura was slightly smiling in the shadows, observing the scene next to an amused Atsuhiro. The sight of the magician made her gaze slip towards Dabi and Hawks again, but they weren't at the sanctuary anymore, probably distanced themselves from the group to have some privacy.

Himiko was right. Of course she was, so why couldn’t she bring herself to confess to the man she loved? Was she really such a coward? Frustrated, she trailed her eyes to Atsuhiro, and this time she found that Sako was already looking at her too, a smile on his mouth that grew wider when their irises met.

“Come over, c’mon” he mimed with his thin lips, gesturing for her to cross the snow field of the temple courtyard, and she graced him with the same mirthful expression. Maybe today wasn’t the day she confessed to Atsuhiro yet, but she wouldn’t be such a fool to waste a chance to stay beside him.

At some point, from the village at the base of the hill, a cascade of fireworks skyrocketed upwards, exploding in a myriad of colours across the dark, cloudy sky, and the League stopped their games to look at them. Toga and Jin darted to the front of the balcony, pointing at the lights with enthusiasm, Tomura and Spinner stayed in a corner, quiet but visibly relaxed while Dabi and Hawks joined them from behind, their fingers intertwined, one of the hero’s wings barely draped over the arsonist’s shoulders to keep him close.

“Happy New Year, Akemi” whispered a familiar voice near her, and she almost leaped from her skin, her cheeks as red as the fireworks. Atsuhiro was still looking at her, a delighted smile on his face, his eyes as gentle as his words.

Then and there, Akemi swore to herself she wouldn’t hide her feelings from him any longer. Maybe not tonight, but soon enough, before her heart collapsed from them.

“Happy New Year, Atsuhiro” she replied lightly, shy and joyful.

Yes, soon.

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fundeadasylum · 1 year

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hi! feel free to answer or disregard, but I was curious about your thoughts on splinter's parenting in rise. i have seen some... very strong takes from every direction. it was quite different than other iterations, so i'd love your thoughts/opinions! (Also, Tales from the Med Bay has been super fun so far!)

Thhhaaaaaatttt is a question I feel I am not 100% qualified to answer.

In fact, I tend to stay out of the Good Parent Splinter/Bad Parent Splinter thing because it's such a sensitive subject matter and gets a lot of people hot under the collar. I can give some thoughts on the matter, talk a little mental health, but I don't really want to take a stance on either side. And I don't want to get into an argument with anyone over this kind of thing.

Disclaimer right off the bat: I am neither a parent nor a mental health professional. All I am is a 31 year old nerd who has Been Through Some Shit. Also apologies for the long post.

I think Splinter has a lot of deep seeded trust issues and has a lot of trouble connecting with others because of this. I think the "betrayals" he's suffered--his mother leaving, his grandfather's pressure about the family legacy, and Big Mama's literal betrayal--have left him waiting for another shoe to drop and for another betrayal to stab him in the back, whether he realizes it or not. I think both of these things have deeply impacted his ability to connect with, let alone raise, his sons. I think he is a man made selfish, bitter, lonely, and sad by the circumstances of his life.

And if we're going into the rabbit hole of Good Parent Splinter/Bad Parent Splinter, then you have to start talking about every iteration of Splinter. Because I feel it's not fair to say something like "Rise Splinter is the worst parent" when almost every version of Splinter have used their sons to carry their own agenda at some point.

I'm not particularly fond of IDW Splinter. I think the choices he made and the way he treats his sons are Not Good. I might understand WHY he made those choices but I don't think they were the RIGHT ones. I think there were better ways to do the things he did. Am I going to call him a bad parent? Perhaps not. He still raised his sons and did his best to make sure they were safe and healthy. I just don't like how he went about it.

Rise Splinter has been dealt with one of the worst hands in the TMNT multiverse. He's been betrayed and back stabbed at almost every turn in his life. Adopting the turtles was probably the first thing that brought a smile to his face in a very long time. I genuinely believe Splinter loves those boys with all his heart. But he doesn't know how to raise kids. He grew up being told about destiny and duty, all of it carrying the bitter sting of losing his mother (something which undoubtedly left a massive, traumatizing scar that was never fully addressed). He didn't want that for his sons and I think he was worried about being overbearing, about crushing their freedom, and about becoming too much like the person he thought his grandfather was. It's why he never actually trained them and the boys are essentially self taught until much later in the series. But I think he pulled too far back in an effort to give them freedom. He was so worried about smothering them, and trying to deal with his own issues, and unknowingly bracing for another betrayal that he withdrew from their lives without meaning to.

Rise is, at its core, about family and connections. Every major problem that the turtles have faced has been resolved because of family. Even the Shredder was just family that got too deep into something and desperately needed help. Rise is a show that says "you do not (and sometimes cannot) do this alone". I mean, it literally says "you are not alone". It's a huge motif in the show. We've seen how badly things go when characters try to do things on their own, or when they don't listen to or support their family.

And before I get off topic into over analyzing things, let's wrap this back up to Splinter.

Do I think Splinter is a good or bad parent?

I think that's a question too complicated to answer. I think parenting is too hard to easily fit into categories like that, especially if you aren't taking the parent's health into consideration. I think from an outside perspective, to anyone who didn't know Splinter's backstory, he would come across as neglectful and somewhat absent. Do I think he could be a better parent? Absolutely. But I don't feel like I'm the person who can decide whether he's Good or Bad. I don't think you can decide. I don't think there's an absolute answer. I think there are only opinions.

TL;DR - when it comes to the Good Parent Splinter/Bad Parent Splinter argument, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer and it's not something that can be easily answered. And I don't have an opinion either way. I think he was a man who was Trying.

(And thank you so much for reading Tales from the Med Bay! They've been a lot of fun to write!)

#long post #also fr pls don't come at me about whether im right or wrong and shit #im too tired to deal with that kind of bullshit

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emblemxeno · 3 years

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Fire Emblem Fates: Personal Arcs and Thematic Parallels for the Royal Siblings

Introduction

As we all know by now, the royal siblings of Fates are all mirrors and contrasts with one another.

Xander and Ryoma are the wise and kind elder brothers who have the weight of their kingdoms’ futures on their shoulders, however Xander is an anxious stoic entrenched in state of denial who worked hard to get as strong as he is, whereas Ryoma is a charismatic natural talent, a huge hothead and has major prejudice issues.

Camilla and Hinoka are the caring elder sisters, with Camilla being overbearing and feminine and Hinoka being stubborn and tomboyish.

Leo and Takumi are the intelligent younger brothers who face massive self esteem issues (in regards to their older brothers) and jealousy (in regards to Corrin), but while Leo’s problems are hidden under a layer of cold pragmatism and isolation, Takumi’s are front and center since he is very emotionally volatile.

Elise and Sakura are the sweet and compassionate little sisters, with Elise being excitable and cheery and Sakura being shy and timid.

However, these aren’t the only parallels that exist between the siblings. More parallels are discovered when you look at the story closely. Especially when you lock down each of their personal arcs. Furthermore, close analysis reveals other interesting parallels, namely for Leo and Hinoka in regards to their brothers, Xander and Ryoma.

Themes, Arcs and Developments: Hoshido & Birthright

The development for the Hoshido siblings and the Birthright path is belief in others, collaboration and tolerance. The siblings start off separated from each other, with Takumi and Ryoma going missing and Hinoka having already left to go find them.

Corrin’s belief in others gets tested through being double crossed by Zola, and the possibility of there being a traitor in the party. Nevertheless, his doubts don’t consume him, and his belief in himself and others gets him through tragedy. Many times in the story, trust and working together gets brought up, like during Chapter 14 where Corrin asks if anyone’s reluctant to move forward with the invasion, but his siblings reassure him. The same thing occurs when Corrin learns about the Rainbow Sage; at first he says if he needs to go alone, he will. But again, his siblings make sure to come with and support him. This dovetails into how the siblings personally develop as well.

Through Corrin accepting Sakura’s pleas to come with them, Sakura goes from meek and unsure princess to a strong willed young woman who’s able to punch Iago in the dick. Through being reassured and believed in by his family, Takumi goes from a prickly skeptic to a confident and heartfelt prince. Through learning of Nohr’s plight and accepting that he can’t do everything alone, Ryoma goes from a stubborn and prejudiced high prince to a tolerant King who seeks to break boundaries and misconceptions, walking hand in hand with his former enemy. The siblings enjoy their newfound perspective and the peace that comes with it; the peace their mother cherished.

Themes, Arcs and Developments: Nohr and Conquest

The development for the Nohrian siblings and the Conquest path is moving on to the future, where justice lies and change. Nohr and the siblings are set in their ways; doing what needs to be done to survive. Upon his return to Nohr, Corrin seeks to change that necessity and bring an era where Nohr can seek glory through mutual respect, not oppression. His willpower gets tested constantly; at times he succeeds in settling things peacefully, at other times he fails or his plan backfires. Still he moves on, working behind the scenes toward his own path of justice, along with his siblings who have done the same for much longer than he has.

Through Corrin’s leadership and conviction, Xander is shown the truth, and from that leaves behind his entrenched way of thinking. He grows from a scared crown prince set in his ways, into a benevolent King promising to bring prosperity to his kingdom through his own sense of justice. Camilla is able to cut away from the same mindset, no longer being afraid of the monster her father has become. Her love for her family outgrows her fear of Garon, the fear that was established during the aftermath of the Cheve rebellion. Elise starts out naive and innocent, but playing a part in the tragedies that unfold gives her perspective. When she first meets Sakura, she’s childish and selfish, but later comforts the Hoshidan princess during a time of great pain. At the end of the route, the two are fast friends as a result of Elise’s compassion. The siblings enjoy the light they are able to bring to their kingdom and the future they seek to walk towards.

The Outliers

But in all that, there remain two siblings whom I didn’t really name specifics for: Hinoka and Leo. This is because, other than the general development of the siblings as a collective and the themes of their routes, they don’t really change too much. Leo starts as the pragmatic executioner who imparts the course which Corrin begins to take, and remains as such later in Conquest. Hinoka is the stoic and determined princess whose concern is the protection of those she cares for, and she remains as such later in Birthright. Neither seems to have personal growth to accomplish other than the general themes of their routes.

That is, until you look at the routes in which you oppose them.

In fact, a new form of development occurs for all of the siblings when you oppose them, and with that, come new parallels.

Opposing Paths and New Parallels

Xander and Ryoma remain each other’s mirror and contrast. On the respective paths that you oppose them on, they are the notable threat to overcome later in the game. You encounter both of them in earlier chapters as well, and both of their maps are escape objectives; this shows in gameplay how much stronger they are compared to Corrin and how it is the smarter decision to pull back and regroup. They both can’t forgive Corrin for betraying their kingdom and family, but while Xander accepts Corrin has turned traitor, Ryoma is intent on bringing him back by any means necessary. Upon Elise’s death at his hand, Xander falls into despair and forces Corrin to strike him down. Ryoma on the other hand, sacrifices himself to spare Corrin the hardship of striking him down when he realizes his brother is still the kind soul he thought he was.

The elder brothers are the ultimate test of Corrin’s resolve, to see if he’s ready to finish the path he started. The loss of these two are a tragedy, and the impact is felt in many ways.

Takumi and Elise gain new mirrors and contrasts with each other. For starters, each of them get inflicted with illness and reveal a truth they wouldn’t otherwise have awareness of during their delirium. It’s the suffering of these two that gets highlighted the most on routes you oppose them. Elise is miserable from her family being broken apart, and has to escape her home just to find some semblance of joy. Takumi meanwhile, lashes out more and more against Corrin, becoming more volatile and suffering from constant headaches. Elise only fights you once (and even then she’s an optional fight), while Takumi fights you the most out of any other sibling. Both of them end up losing their lives through indirect means; Elise throws herself in front of Xander’s sword in a bid to get him to stop fighting. Takumi throws himself off the Great Wall of Susano-o, blinded by rage, frustration and sadness.

Takumi and Elise are major victims of this war and the path Corrin chose, victims who expressed their misery in different ways.

Camilla and Sakura are each other’s mirror and contrast. These two probably have the most difficult parallels to pin down, but they are there nonetheless. When Corrin chose Hoshido, Camilla lost her security; her family is broken apart and she can’t do anything to stop it. She is forced to accept that Corrin has left her to join Hoshido, and finally comes to terms with it after her second encounter. When Corrin chose Nohr, Sakura lost her solace; her country is being invaded, she had just lost her mother and now her older sibling is choosing to go back to the kingdom responsible for her suffering. She is forced to suck it up and defend her home on the from the front lines. Instead of development coming naturally due to positive reveals and encouragements, both sisters are forced to change in order not to break entirely.

Camilla and Sakura are loving sisters who now have to accept a harsh reality during and after a war they had no control of.

Bear the Crown, Bear the Development

That leaves Hinoka and Leo, and this is where they each get major development as opposed to their native routes.

Hinoka and Leo were spared by Corrin after thinking they were gonna be killed, and eventually the thrones fall to them when the war concludes. After all, Hoshido favors kings over queens so if it wasn’t Ryoma, it would be Takumi. Nohr has an age based inheritance, so if it wasn’t Xander, it would be Camilla. Leo and Hinoka never dreamed it would be up to them to lead their kingdoms. When they bear the crown, they bear the weight of a responsibility they never expected.

However, when looking at it closely, it seems they also bear the character development their older brothers would’ve had.

Leo has battled feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in regards to his siblings already, but Corrin choosing Hoshido causes those feelings to surface. He’s angry and hurt over it all, but hides that under a layer of cold-bloodedness. Leo, promising to kill Corrin at every turn, thinks of his brother as dead to him. However, Leo later finds himself. When talking with Corrin and seeing the truth about Garon, he realizes that Nohr doesn’t have to remain the way it is in order to survive.

Leo at the end of Birthright begins to feel similar to Xander at the end of Conquest.

Hinoka has dealt with the guilt of Corrin’s kidnapping for over a decade. She became strong by choosing the path of the warrior as opposed of the princess. When Corrin chooses Nohr, she is in disbelief; after all, why would her brother return to to his kidnappers? She resolves to defeat him, and thinks of her dream of being a family again as a fantasy that will never come to fruition. However, Hinoka later believes otherwise. When talking with Corrin and seeing him and his Nohrian siblings work to end the war in a different way, she realizes that Hoshido’s beliefs about Nohr are wrong and that those misconceptions must be cleared.

Hinoka at the end of Conquest begins to feel similar to Ryoma at the end of Birthright.

Conclusion

Leo and Hinoka each become the rulers that their kingdoms needed. They fill the space left by Xander and Ryoma. They don’t have personal arcs on their native routes nor on Revelation because there’s no absence to be filled; they can remain as they are, rather than be bound by the weight of the crown. Their rule as monarchs is bittersweet, for it’s a role neither of them expected, but they perform said role well nonetheless.

That’s, at least, how I feel about all of this. Of course, this whole thing isn’t a perfect interpretation, nor does the game handle this aspect as well as it could have. Hinoka still lacks in number of notable appearances compared to pretty much every other sibling; hell, there are even scenes in Birthright where every sibling except Hinoka appear. Leo, meanwhile, has many more scenes of importance, especially since he wields a divine weapon and his big hero moment triggers the Yato’s transformation during Conquest. The negative effects of Hinoka’s later addition are still very present, and it’s something that I hope would be done better in a possible Fates remaster.

As it stands now though, I still think all of this is done well enough for everything I described. Fates’ story is smarter than one might think, and I believe all of this is an example of that.

#fire emblem #fire emblem fates #fire emblem if #fe14 #hinoka fire emblem #leo fire emblem #ryoma fire emblem #xander fire emblem #takumi fire emblem #elise fire emblem #sakura fire emblem #camilla fire emblem #corrin fire emblem #meta #storytelling

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life-rewritten · 4 years

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Psycho but it’s okay- Fairy tales and their foreshadowing Part 3(Blue Beard, Othello, Wizard of Oz)

To Kill or Not To Kill

Note by the author: I feel like the momentum of PBIO is slowly reducing. The episodes so far have been incredible but I can see us losing steam and enthusiasm because of the back and forth still going on with our couple. Right now things are very heightened due to the conflict with the brothers and the supposed return of Moon Young’s mum but lately it’s been difficult to analyse that without repeating the same themes over and over again. Nevertheless here is a very short (well shorter than what I normally do) analytical post analysing the show so far and the theme this time is the murder of women! Enjoy.

Bluebeard was first mentioned in episode 6, the title of the episode focused on Bluebeard’s secret. The fairy tale of Bluebeard although chilling actually has a happy ending. The young girl gets rescued by her family from her serial killer husband. In Psycho it’s okay many characters are shown to see the story of Bluebeard in different perspectives of the other characters. Moon Young sees it as the girl who is traumatised and almost killed by Blue beard because of her curiosity and uncovering the truth that all his wives were killed by him, Sang Tae sees it as a sad story about why Bluebeard kept on marrying women because of loneliness and wanting to be loved, and Moon Young’s dad sees it from Bluebeard’s perspective for the reason for why he killed the women and his wife.

Park O Ran, the patient in the hospital has taken up a sinister role as Moon Young’s mother, she reads the book by her mother and constantly hums the song that haunts both Moon Young and her father. She mentions the next tale, the story about Othello a general who was misled into killing his wife because of lies and manipulation from the outside. She is seeing it from the point of Moon Young’s mum who she believes was unfairly killed and seen wrongly by society and the family she loves. Moon Young’s father is plagued with guilt and at the same time fear that he killed his wife, and follows the perspective of Othello who was overcome with jealousy and insecurity in why he killed his wife and everyone around him. Moon Young is like the innocent wife of Othello as well because she is the victim in this whole manipulation and game between Lago, Cassio and Othello. Her caring and trusting nature leads her to being hurt.

Lastly the name of the book Moon Young’s mother writes is called The murder of the wicked witch of the west. The wicked witch of the west is found in the fairy tale The wizard of oz. It’s interesting when you analyse the story as the story focuses on a young girl who ends up being the down fall of witch because she was manipulated by the wizard and others to do so. Again from Moon Young’s mother’s perspective she is the victim, the wicked witch was feared because she had green skin. (This will later parallel with Blue beard and his own insecurities about his blue coloured beard), she is seen as wicked because of this, people don’t notice that the reason she wants Dorothy’s downfall is because Dorothy’s house fell on her sister and killed her, and they stole her red shoes. They took someone precious from her and stole her things. This is very similar to Moon Young’s mother who is protective of her family and is determined to get rid of any one who tries to take them away. Dorothy ends up using water mistakenly killing the witch and she then realises that real person society worshipped, the wizard is not even powerful or real. He’s just a manipulator behind the scenes.

All these stories have the themes of women being killed unfairly, and being viewed as something they are not. The interesting thing about these stories is that there are themes and imagery that stand out and so when the characters see the stories in a different way it’s shadowing their own internal strife and struggles. Mostly these 3 stories together help piece together the traumatic connection between Moon Young and her real family, her flashbacks and trauma with her mother who seems cold and is seen as monster/witch, her fear and the abuse suffered by her father who seems to have been convinced and manipulated into thinking she’s a monster and her self who has been groomed to be like her mother but is curious and desperate to be a good witch not a bad one. The story also leaves clues again to foreshadowing clues, such as Moon Young’s father being the one to cause her mother to die, Moon Young having a role in it, Moon Young finding out about a murder of another woman in the basement that still haunts her till this day (just like Bluebeard’s bride did) and Gang Tae’s link to danger because of being connected to wanting to free her.

In a way Gang Tae finds a way to play a role in all of these fairy tales if you see it in a different way. He could be the brother that came to save the girl from Bluebeard and helped her run away. He could be the Cassio in the story of Othello, the loyal fair general who Othello becomes manipulated into jealousy against, Or he can be the good witch Glinda that offers Dorothy (Moon Young) a chance at freedom and a chance to see the wizard or he could also be the wizard who is actually weaker than how he’s viewed by everyone in Oz. Either way Gang Tae plays the role of the saviour again in these roles willing to help save Moon Young whilst also being hurt by society if he gets to know her or if she uncovers his truth.

(The way I see it we can see characters in Othello like this; we can Othello as Moon Young’s father, Lago as Society and Othello’s wife as Moon Young’s mother- that way it tells the story that from her point of view Moon Young’s mother feels betrayed that her husband was manipulated by society’s norms and others into thinking she was a monster and killing her. Or you can see it in this way Othello- Moon Young’s mother, Othello’s wife- Moon Young, Cassio- Gang Tae Lago-Society/Father- In this way Moon Young’s mother kills Moon Young’s spirit because she was jealous of her daughter being taken by Gang Tae when he arrived at the castle and her father as Lago because he ends up causing all of them to be killed by his selfishness and coldness. Or society because Moon Young’s mum doesn’t want anyone to take her daughter from her because she feels alone by how she is viewed by society for her illness and it drives her to being jealous when Gang Tae shows up)

The themes of these stories then follow the ideas of people feeling alienated by societal norms and their desperate attempts to not be alone as mentioned by Sang Tae who relates to this because he views his Autism as the blue beard of Bluebeard or green skin of the wicked witch . Moon Young’s is her ASPD that she was either born with or groomed with that makes people see her as a monster and take her feelings for granted. Her mother might have been the same as well. In a way the way Society views things that are different i.e. mental health causes these characters to be alienated and desperate to not lose the people who finally come into their lives. Moon Young’s mum adamant need to keep her alone in the castle by twisting her mind, Moon Young wanting Gang Tae by her side and Sang Tae’s own dependency on Gang Tae. The next themes also focuses on curiosity/ the need to uncover the secrets, which ends up being a downfall of the characters in these stories. Moon Young is like the bride in Bluebeard who’s curiosity leads her to breaking her promise and seeing the truth about her husband, she is traumatised by this scene but is later freed from it. Just like her curiosity with Gang Tae when they were younger leads to her realising how much of a monster her mother can be, and if we are still on that theory, it could be the catalyst for why Gang Tae’s mum ended up being murdered or why her mother ended up being killed.

The last themes mentioned is manipulation of people being a reason for why innocent people get hurt. In Bluebeard we are shown through Moon Young’s father that the reason why Bluebeard kills his wife is because she looked like an angel but she was manipulating him into thinking so, she was always a monster who didn’t love the man but wanted his riches. In Othello, Othello is led to believe that his wife is unfaithful and is driven to madness by jealousy when in reality it was all manipulation by Lago who is jealous of Cassio. And Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is manipulated by society that the wicked witch is evil, and also is manipulated by them to believing the powers of the wizard when in reality he’s just a fake behind the curtain. She had the powers all along when she was given the red shoes. In this show Manipulation causes issues for the people, whether it causes massive fall outs like when Sang Tae felt manipulated by Gang Tae’s lies and his own perspective of his memories, or when Moon Young felt manipulated by her mother to run away from Gang Tae because she’ll never have someone who loves her for who she is. Manipulation comes at a cost for these people who feel alone and isolated by the world and it leads them to losing it and making choices which end up hurting everyone in the progress.

(I also wanted to mention the water Dorothy uses to kill the witch, I mentioned in my previous posts that there is memory of a woman drowning and Moon Young watching the woman drown, and there’s a woman who was thrown of a balcony that was kept in the basement who Moon Young saw. The woman who was drowning could be Moon Young’s mother, because the song she sings to her Dear Clementine is also about a woman who drowns. )

So to Kill or Not to Kill? Was it right that Moon Young’s mother got killed, are we being manipulated by others to think she was evil when she might be just like Moon Young and have a disorder causing her to be perceived that way. Did the father have any right to want to kill Moon Young? Is Gang Tae right in the way he views her and treats her because he feels she has no emotions? (This one is complete bull by the way, the way he treats her is not okay. End of.) Are these women in the right or are they in the wrong and should they be treated like monsters and killed? Should they be alone? We all know the title of the show disagrees. It’s okay to not be okay. These people have every right to be loved, and be treated properly. They are still humans.

#psycho but it's okay #pbio #psycho but its okay #it's okay to not be okay #it's ok to not be ok #kdrama #netflix #kdramanet #analysis #fvete

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hellojeffreyjames · 4 years

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Another mental health awareness month has come to an end. One challenge that a designated period presents, is that it can be hard to navigate for people who struggle to function in a neurotypical culture. It’s hard to parse all the virtue signaling or things folks say just to just participate in the theme of the month. To get ready for all the people to check in once in November, and then abandon them when that dynamic is so stressful they’d rather not have that person check in at all. It can be stressful to interact with people who are well intentioned, but lack an awareness of what being supportive means. It means they may dismiss the idea you have a neurological difference because they view a diagnosis as a defect instead of a part of neurodiversity.

This dullness may not happen, but if that’s the case, it doesn’t have to be forever. It can be a stepping stone towards building cognitive habits and disciplines you need to reduce your dosage. It can be the phase you needed to rewire your neurons. You may be able to build the structures you need to be medication free in a couple years instead of decades.

There are some neurological conditions that make it impossible to do certain things. One can learn the skills to work around that, and make the impossible, possible. but for many people it’s like trying to learn calculus while bench pressing 200 pounds as someone keeps sticking a needles in your foot and telling you that you have no value and would be better off dead. For me that is not a question of whether or not I could learn calculus like that. It’s whether or it I should.

There are simple things I intend to do every single day and just cannot do them when I’m not on meds. I will beat myself up, tell myself I am a waste of a human life, and a burden to everyone, because I can’t do the even most basic things. I can’t do for those around me what I absolutely believe they deserve from me, and I don’t even have the language to explain why the most simple tasks are next to impossible. How it just looks like me being inconsiderate and selfish. How climbing Mount Everest would genuinely be easier than, say, mailing a letter.

That’s not an exaggeration. I mean there are chemical differences that make a simple mundane task more difficult than something that includes tangible stress, urgency, extreme physical challenge, and in a distraction free environment. Obviously I’d fail at climbing Mount Everest as an untrained mountain climber, but I would engage with the activity. Taking three coffee cups off the nightstand and putting them in the dishwasher? Without medication, that might happen if I think about it every day for the next... 2 years. Ok, that one is an exaggeration, but it would be quite a while.

I feel very proud as I watch my friends make life plans and conquer the world, as I formulate my own elaborate 36 step plan to ensure I brush my teeth today.

If anyone identifies with any of that, to any degree, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Yes, I also set myself 26 alarms and nine reminders and still did not make it to the post office yesterday. Or the day before that. Or the day before that. Yes, I also don’t know what to tell my family about why I don’t reciprocate birthday cards. Yes, I also feel like I am doing my best to hide and perform happiness and high function.

Have you gotten so good at it you’re afraid people think the performance is the really of how you are doing, and that mentioning your struggles would be seen as being attention seeking or melodramatic? Hey, me too, and I also feel this paradox: Wishing somebody knew, yet embarrassed that if anyone really new, they wouldn’t know where to begin to support me and I wouldn’t know what to tell them. Yes, you and I both share that fear, that it will only end with a loss of dignity and to be treated like that unstable neurotic friend that folks keep at arms length and never expect much out of. That you’ll be stuck at the “kids table” of life and never be invited to anything that counts. And “me too” about... a lot of other and darker things we won’t get into right now.

We can spend a lot of energy juggling all of these difficult concepts and throwing the balls up so high in the air we don’t realize The massive amount of energy we are blowing through to just make it through each day. We can’t see them all at one time and realize, no one on the earth should have to do all of that alone. No one on the earth can do all of that alone. You are not a failure to seek help.

You are not a failure to seek help.

To stay afloat we keep juggling but if we stopped we would see it fall to the ground and say, “Holy shit I’ve been trying to manage hundreds of emotional, intellectual, psychological, spiritual, and physical burdens that the people I compare myself to ...simply don’t.” The reason I feel feel like I am at the razor’s edge of losing everything, is because I am trying to do something nearly impossible, and perhaps absolutely impossible to do on my own.

You are not a failure to seek help. You are not dishonoring your body or your mind to take a medicine. You’re not a failure if you need to talk to a psychiatrist. You are not a failure if you believe you have neglected your whole life, for your entire life. Because I know how hard it is to just make it through the day and still be alive. I know how hard it is to wake up every morning knowing you’re going to make it through this day, by the skin of your teeth, again.

That’s not your fault. The hundreds of things you have to conquer in your mind to make it through every single day - that’s not your fault and I need you to know that I am so. goddamn. proud of you. I’m proud of you because this fight is absurdly difficult. I hope you can trust me in that because at this point I’m an an expert in this fight. I’m an expert at putting in every last drop of my effort and willpower, just to tie my shoes, get in the car, and drive to work. This fight is not a fair fight. You’ve been fighting an incredibly unfair fight, if not always by yourself, often by yourself ...and that is why I am so goddamn proud of you.

I am more proud of you than I am of billionaires. I am more proud of you than those people who get to live laugh love their dream life and get paid to travel the world and sample ice cream for their ice cream travel blog. I’m proud of you because I know what you have to do to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you don’t get to sample the ice cream flavors of Bangladesh for doing so.

So I want you to know, again: it’s okay to seek help. It can be a difficult road but I recommend professional help. Some wonderful spiritual books and friends can’t often fight that incredibly unfair fight. You are a specific person and a mental health practitioner will be able to understand your specific needs and make adjustments as needed.

I can’t promise you that I will give you exactly what you’re needing but I am here if you need to reach out and want to know more about getting help. I can promise, that if your friends fail to support you in the ways that you need, it’s not because they don’t love you, it’s because they are not professional supports. They haven’t trained for this. Seeking professional support is the way that we begin to believe we are not a burden to our friends and family.

Even when you never were, it’s the same feeling of asking loved ones casually about some car issues for years, tinkering with your engine for years, then hiring a mechanic. There’s no one in your life who will shame you for seeking a mechanic and you might be amazed at how quickly your car begins to drive more smoothy.

Anyone who talks negatively about medication, therapy, psychiatry, etc. do not have your well-being in mind. they are sales people for their own ideologies. It’s not about you it’s about how you should take natural medicine or trust Jesus. There are people who would rather you buy some supplements and remain miserable than to see a professional and be shown that professional help does make a real difference. it’s best to avoid those folks for a little while.

You are not a failure to seek help.

I am more proud of you billionaires and professional ice cream tasting supermodels.

You are fighting a battle you do not deserve to fight alone.

You are absolutely positively not alone.

You’re not a failure to seek help.

Things can get better.

Things will get better.

In the darkest places, reasons to try, to go on, to keep living, are often often nonexistent. I don’t want you to have any hope that things will change. I’m asking you to place a tiny sliver of trust in these things I’m saying. The best recent to do something different and to seek help is going to be, for no reason. The voices in your head will try to stop you and you must tell them, “there is no reason I’m doing this. But I am still going to do it.” Hope will betray you. Friends and family are not professional supports and will let you down because they don’t have any training.

I just want you to place that sliver trust in how I know road will get smoother. Things will get easier. Seeking help is not failure. I’m not asking you to hope I know this. I am asking you to trust that I notice. And I’m asking you to please keep on seeking help even though the help feel sometimes. The system may be broken but system can be a crucial part love you reconnecting with yourself and your inner resources so that you can create your own path of healing.

I’m so incredibly proud of you. thank you for reading all of this and if you choose to, thank you for placing that sliver of trust in these things I’m saying. And if you can’t do anything else, keep being around people you feel good around. The people that do you feel excepted and listen to with, and if you don’t have any of those let me know and I’ll make sure you do. 💛🤍🖤💛🤍🖤

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aegon · 5 years

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now that I’ve had time to process what happened, I’m not as emotional about the ending as I am just fucking furious at the insult.

you spend years - I still had goddamn braces, put hearts over my i’s and was at my peak gothic phase when this bullshit first started so fucking years - building an inherently thoughtful narrative that was just so rich and complex and emotional with a fascinating range of strong characters, all leading towards an epic conclusion of the end of the world, of the ultimate fight for survival that explored such intricate concepts as life, death, justice blah dee fucking blah.

you spend so much time making me give a shit about these characters, of showing me how painfully human they are, their tragedies, their journeys, their redemptions, their rise and fall and every bullshit in-between.

for it all to the thrown away in single-handedly the most expensive piece of shit I’ve ever seen. the producers pretty much took a massive dump while jerking each other off, sprinkled it with benjamin franklins, threw in some gratuitous dragon cgi, and called it a day.

nothing matters. that’s the lesson. the ones that won are the ones that did fucking nothing to deserve it, and the ones who lost are the ones who sacrificed everything for the ungrateful gremlins we’re apparently supposed to be rooting for.

and everything else? yeah, fuck you and your redemption arc, jaime. oh hey rhaegar, guess what, you asshole? your kids mean diddly squat. no, really, the whole prophecy and prince who was promised garbage was all shits and giggles. the wood witch was high on crack and azor ahai is an anagram for “kiss my ass, you dumbfucks.”

arya didn’t need to learn how to change faces. she could have literally spent years learning how to knife flip and stabbing a block of ice, and nothing would need to change from this last season. nymeria? wolf pack? lmao who gives a fuck, certainly not the writers. then she peaces the fuck out after spending five hot minutes with her fucked up family, probably to find some good plot because fuck knows you can’t find it in this wankfest.

bran’s warging abilities and his grand mystical journey were all about him eyefucking whatever poor soul walked by or cosplaying as a bird and flapping about fucking uselessly until he could roll up dramatically in the end like “hey fam I’m here to be king lmao, look I brought starbucks.”

jon didn’t actually come back to serve some great purpose. the truth is, he fucking bored everyone in the afterlife with his impressions of a miserable puppy so the lord of light told mel to get him the fuck out because he was ruining game night.

and sansa? oh well our darling sansa did nothing for two seasons but sow discord in her own family and endanger a valuable alliance that was made to save her useless sack of shit of a home. if we’re supposed to see dany executing slavers as villainous, why in the fuckity fuck should I be rooting for a girl whose greatest asset USED to be courtesy and being kind and missing her family, but who’s now some knock-off cersei/littlefinger lovechild whose throne is built on the ashes of the bridges she burned to get there. she’s left all alone in some cold ass, broke ass, racist ass kingdom with no one she loves and no one who loves her because they’ve all peaced out, and that’s supposed to be a happy ending. power cravings are a hell of a drug. but hey, we got our yaaaasssss queeeeeeen moment and that’s enough for a certain portion of her fandom so good for her.

and dany? dany spends years fighting for the people and for freedom and justice and to break away from the toxicity of her family’s tarnished legacy to reestablish the vision of what house targaryen should always have been. but fuck that bullshit, bells are her kryptonite, and she’s the big bad evil for using harsh methods to rid the world of assholes. the audacity. dany should have done what tyrion and jon do to their enemies which is give them a hug and ask them pretty please with sugar on top not to be evil because westeros is a pacifist continent and no one has ever used violence ever. fuck me.

the dothraki just kinda forgot they’re supposed to follow a khal but it was really very sweet of them and the unsullied to care so much about westerosi customs as to wait for the punishment of the man who murdered their queen to be processed in an orderly and lawful fashion. how quaint.

and then they kindly fucked off before seeing the sentence through because they’re so stupidly trusting of a bunch of dickwad lords who wanted their queen dead. mmkay. also let’s just ignore the fact that either sansa or bran could issue jon a pardon the way robert issued jaime a pardon but clearly neither of them gave enough of a fuck for their brother to give him the choice for where he’d like to spend the rest of his life. also his name and blood makes him a threat to both their thrones so condemning him to the wall strips him of any right, whether he likes it or not....so bye forever jon try not to die again xxxx

the pack survives? nah, the pack used each other as a means of reaching their goals then cast each other side the moment they had what they wanted.

ned stark’s legacy, my fucking ass.

but all that aside, you know what the most insulting part of all this is?

in their pursuit to break clichés and give us some bullshit moral lesson about leadership, they contradict themselves to an idiotic degree where even the biggest dumbass could see through it.

the whole argument that was literally shoved into our face for episodes and used against dany was that the “one who doesn’t want to be king, would be a good king.” ignoring the fact that ambition is an incredibly important factor in any good leader, this lesson serves to insult d&d’s favourite character.

enter: sansa stark, character dreaming of the throne for an entire eight seasons. are d&d implying she won’t be a good queen because everything she’s done is because she wants to be queen? or were they too busy jerking themselves off to sansa to see the picture they were painting of her reign?

the next argument the show failed to realise they fucked up: the lannisters, the tyrells, petyr baelish - all were punished for adopting a ruthless machiavellian sociopathic mindset to win the game of thrones, betraying everyone around them and sacrificing family and allies along the way.

enter: house stark. sansa betrays jon’s trust (and is rightfully not given forgiveness for it because fuck that). bran apparently knew that king’s landing would burn and that his brother and sister would suffer for it but lmao he’s about to be king so who gives a fuck. arya does not see or feel the need to stand by her family to see them through this fragile transition of power because she wants to go exploring. no one in this godforsaken family apparently loved each other enough. and yeah, welcome to the new house lannister. wolves and lions aren’t so different. both prey on the weak, after all.

and finally, fuck you, bronn, you fan-serviced jumped up fuck. a mercenary with zero development and who offers nothing to the narrative is now the lord of the richest region in the realm. nice.

okay, i’m done now.

#oh boy #don’t @ me #this is me letting go of the show at last #I needed this #but damn if I don’t feel free af #anti got #got negativity #go to sleep aly #pls don’t read if you love anything because there’s a high chance I shat on it

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heyyyharry · 5 years

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My Girl Series: Chapter 12 - I Love You

…in which Y/N wants to face her past, but Harry wants to leave his behind.

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 11: Paper Love - Y/N tries to compromise, and Harry tries to change.

warning: smut at the end.

OC version

Anyone who knew Y/N well enough would know that she never got on well with her father, and she deeply loathed his new fiancée Marcy. But no one, not even Celine, had an idea how much Y/N used to adore that woman.

It wasn't a coincidence that Marcy started seeing Bradford not so long after Tam's death. Before that, she used to be an employee at his hardware store in Holmes Chapel. She was clever, pretty, and funny — everything a man could ever dream of. And for an impressionable little girl like Y/N, Marcy was the kind of woman she wanted to become. She used to give Y/N useful advice on boy issues, on how to deal with mean girls in school, and she also had a great taste in literature and music. How could anyone not love Marcy?

How could anyone not love Marcy?

The more Y/N thought about it, the sadder it got. People like Marcy could have anything they wanted, even a married man; and those like her mother had no choice but to accept defeat and swallow the pain.

Y/N felt very disgusted by her father’s wrongful affair, but most importantly, she felt like she'd betrayed her mother for even liking the person who'd torn their family apart. Her friendship with Marcy made her feel terribly guilty towards her mum, to the point where she ended up lying to Harry that she'd never met that woman before their dinner with her dad.

However, ever since Harry came back, those two had gradually become the least of her concerns. As a matter of fact, she didn't even hate Marcy as much as before. She knew she couldn't stop their wedding from happening, thus the only thing she'd asked from her father’s future wife was to leave her alone and stay out of her life. But Marcy didn't seem to get that. She went all the way against Y/N's request by showing up at her door three nights before the wedding.

"I'm visiting a friend in the city so I thought I should pay you a visit," Marcy said to the confused girl who was glued to the spot. "I'm actually going shopping. Wanna come with me? We can get you a cute dress for my wedding."

"Why did you think it was a good idea to show up here?" Y/N said, lifting an eyebrow. "Sorry, I'm very busy. I can't go with you."

"Wait!"

"What now?"

"I'm very happy that you accepted the invitation. I know this is hard for you but...please don't be like this," Marcy begged as she reached for Y/N's hand, causing the girl to freeze in an instant. "Please give me a chance to get to know you again...I—I'm not asking much just let me buy you a dress to the wedding."

At that moment, Y/N could envision her slamming the door and turning a deaf ear to everything Marcy had just said to carry on with her half-finished work in progress. In reality, however, she was actually considering the offer.

She'd told herself to stop running away from the past and focus on the future, because this grudge she held against her father and his fiancée had only been doing her damage. In the end, it was her own worries that ended up breaking her heart. Maybe she could never like Marcy the same way she used to, but she could give her a chance to fix her wrongdoings. A little effort to make peace was still better than nothing at all.

"Alright," Y/N said at last, making Marcy squeal in joy. "Wait here, I'll go get my coat."

As Jeff was briefing Harry about his shooting schedule for June, the actor let all the words fly from one ear to the other while his eyes stayed fixed on the phone, allowing his hairdresser to do whatever she wanted. He had put all the trust in her to make him look the best for tonight as he knew she had never disappointed him or his fans.

Yes, a red-carpet event sounded immensely fun and exciting, but truthfully, Harry hated these occasions and would only go when he must. If it hadn't been for Niall, who'd written most of the songs on the movie soundtrack and would be there as well, he wouldn't have agreed to attend that premiere.

Ping!

A text popped up on the screen, now distracting Harry even more from what Jeff was rambling on about.

⌲ Bambi: Just ran into Mrs. Huang. She complained about us being too loud again.

Trying hard not to laugh at the message, the man bit his bottom lip and quickly typed down a response:

⌲ Always fucked you good, didn't I? Pretty proud of myself. ;)

⌲ Bambi: Harry!

⌲ Well, you started it.

⌲ Now I cannot stop thinking about last night...

⌲ Bambi: Why are you always horny at the worst time?

⌲ Are you in class?

⌲ Bambi: Nope, dress shopping with THE bride.

⌲ Who?

⌲ Bambi: Marcy.

⌲ Lol really?

⌲ Bambi: Really.

"Done," said the hairdresser as she patted Harry on the back. "Let's get you dressed."

⌲ Gotta go. Tell me all about it tonight?

⌲ Bambi: Okay.

⌲ Bambi: CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOUR RED CARPET PHOTOS!!!

Harry giggled at the text for he could hear her shouting with enthusiasm in his head. Jeff called him louder for the second time, causing the actor to look up and finally notice all the questioning stares his whole crew was giving him.

"Why are you still sitting there?! Hurry up!"

"Sorry, sorry, coming!" He shouted cheerfully, wasting no time to fly right out of his chair and following Jeff out of the room.

Y/N sucked in a deep breath as she stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror, slightly tugging on the flared skirt of her pastel pink gown. It now occurred to the girl that she hadn't gone shopping in a while. Lately, her life had been all about student debts, writer's block, and family drama. She seemed to forget how to really take care of herself.

Tilting her head to the side, she happily thought, maybe with some nice clothes and red lipstick on, she could be just as beautiful as the models Harry used to date.

"I think this looks cute on you."

"But it's pastel pink," said Y/N as she turned around to face Marcy. "I hate this color."

"You used to love it."

"Not anymore."

Little Y/N would grab all the pink items in the store and try on every single piece just because she was obsessed with the hue. But she was a different person back then — a bubbly young girl who saw pink in everything in her life. She'd read somewhere that the pink color stood for unconditional love and understanding, both of which she'd completely lost faith in as she grew up. Now without the kaleidoscope for an eye, her life was always either black or blue.

"Do you have this same dress in a darker color?" Marcy asked an employee in the store, but Y/N stopped that lady right before she could walk away.

"Can we take a break?" she turned to her future step mum. "I've been trying on dresses for half an hour already."

"Oh, alright." Marcy awkwardly nodded as she watched the twenty-year-old flop down on the sofa and pull out her phone — something she always did to avoid unwanted conversations. Taking a seat beside the girl, Marcy didn't mean to be nosy, but it was hard to ignore the beam on Y/N's face in reaction to her phone repeatedly pinging with new messages. It didn't take a genius to figure out who they were all from.

"So..." Marcy trailed off, hands linked together to rest on her knees. "You're going to the wedding with Harry?"

"Yes," Y/N replied shortly without looking at her.

So she waited a couple seconds more before asking another question. "Are you two dating?"

With this one, Y/N finally peeled her eyes off the screen and turned to her dad's fiancée, an eyebrow raised in annoyance. "What?" She scoffed. "Can't friends go to a wedding together?"

"Yes, of course!" Marcy freaked out. "It's just...your dad said—"

"My dad doesn't know anything about me." Y/N shook her head. "He doesn't even know my favorite book even though I used to rant about it at dinner every night. Do you really think he knows or cares whom I'm dating?"

"What Happens In London by Julia Quinn, right? Your favorite book?"

The question for an answer caught Y/N by surprise this time. "How do you—"

"—remember?" Marcy raised a smile. "You once told me your favorite quote from the book was: 'When a man writes a romance, the woman dies. When a woman writes one, it ends all tidy and sweet.' It's become my favorite quote ever since."

"It's still my favorite," Y/N mumbled; for the first time in forever, showing a genuine smile in front of Marcy.

That seemed like a good beginning for everything to go back to the way it’d been. Y/N forgot about her hatred for this woman who began to talk about how Sir Harry Valentine in the book was everyone's dream man, and all the things she adored about Lady Olivia Bevelstoke.

"Sassy, witty, and strong. That's why she's one of the best female characters." Y/N giggled, leaving a massive grin on Marcy's face.

"If you love Lady Bevelstoke then you should really take this dress."

"What does she have to do with this dress?" The twenty-year-old squinted her eyes in confusion as she looked down at the pink gown she was wearing. Such bright color always overwhelmed her, giving her the feeling that other people might stare, when all she wanted was to blend into the crowd or be invisible. She wasn't used to getting excessive attention.

But Marcy only rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you forgot Olivia's 'Unmarried Lady Sorts of Things' list. The first thing is: 'Wear pastel colors'."

"'And be quite glad if you possess the correct complexion for such hues'," Y/N nodded her head slowly, chuckling to herself. "I remember."

"I don't make the rules, Y/N. Olivia did."

Marcy rose up, pulling a giggly Y/N back to the full-length mirror and telling the girl to stand tall, chin up.

"There you go," she encouraged, lips curved into a wide grin. "Lady Bevelstoke."

The name got the younger girl smiling from ear to ear. With one long look at her own reflection, Y/N inhaled deeply. "Okay." She nodded at last. "I'll take this one."

"Yay!" Marcy squealed, clapping her hands. "You go change and I'll pay for this dress then we'll head out to dinner!"

In that moment, watching the woman dash away to go get an employee, Y/N must admit that she was genuinely happy. She changed back to her own clothes and brought the dress to the front counter, still wearing the same smile.

But she really should've known better — that every bit of happiness in her life up to that point had been all short-lived, including that moment right then in the store.

She saw Marcy hand the employee her credit card, and her stomach clenched immediately as she noticed the shiny little rock on Marcy's slim ring finger. Y/N's smile broke, and so did her heart. She frantically clutched Marcy's left wrist, yanking it up, causing the woman to release a startled gasp as her mouth fell open.

"Is this...my...my grandmother's ring?"

Marcy withdrew her hand when Y/N's grip became uncomfortably tight as if it was meant to break her bone.

"Yes?" She answered, fear overtaking her face. "It's also my engagement ring...What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Y/N laughed wryly.

Everything.

Her dad had used that ring to propose to her mother, who had never taken it off when she was alive, not even once, not even to do house chores, not even when they threw things at the wall and he screamed at her. That was how much the ring meant to the late woman. And the fact that Marcy was wearing it around her finger today could only mean one thing — Y/N's father took it from her mother's body just to put it on the hand of his new and younger wife.

She might've been fooled twice, but she wasn't stupid. She wasn't convinced that Marcy truly had no idea what was wrong. This woman was either extremely dumb, or viciously pretentious, and Y/N knew better than anyone that Marcy was a smart person. And even though she also knew what her parents had wasn't love, it was still painful to think how fast a person could erase from his memory the one he'd vowed to treasure for the rest of his life.

"This is not your ring," Y/N said with her fists clenched tight. "This belongs to my mother."

"For god's sake! Your mother is dead, Y/N!" The harsh emphasis on that one word punched Y/N right in the guts, causing her heart to wrench, yet Marcy didn't just stop there. "What is a dead woman gonna do? Dig her way out of her grave and cut off my finger?"

That was the final straw.

"I was right about you..." Y/N scoffed, quivering lips formed a broken smirk as she shook her head slowly. "You're nothing but a homewrecker. A husband-stealing whore that—"

Marcy's hand smacked across her face, snapping it back with force and causing the girl to clutch her cheek, eyes watering. The small cut below her eye marked by the ring could be easily noticed from a distance. And Marcy was petrified now that she’d realized what she'd done.

Both of them could hear whispers from the other people in the store who didn't want to interfere with their conflict, even though it was shocking how those two had gone from laughing together to one slapping the other.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't...I didn't mean to..." Marcy reached out, attempting to touch Y/N's face. But the girl immediately took a step back to dodge those hands like a bullet.

Knowing how hot-tempered Y/N had always been, Marcy expected a slap for revenge right then and there, but all that she received was a sense of fear in those glistening eyes. Without another word, the girl ran fast out of the store, ignoring Marcy calling out to her. She ran and didn't look back.

Soon she found herself lost in a river of pedestrians, all were either in a rush or minding their own business, and would just raise their voice if someone accidentally bumped into them. Y/N swirled around those strangers as the panic rose in her chest. She didn't even think, letting her feet guide the way to end up outside Harry's house.

Trying to steady her breathing pace, Y/N flopped onto the doorstep, holding both knees to her chest and trying to ignore the stung of the slap evident on her red cheek. Though the last thing she wanted was to bother Harry while he was having fun at the after party, she couldn't stop herself from pulling out her phone and dialing his number. She felt the need to be with someone, not just anyone, him.

"I just ran into Ruby."

When Harry heard those words from Niall, his nerves were frayed. The party around him still continued, the music was still blasting at maximum volume, and all the guests in fancy clothes were still dancing and having a blast; to Harry, however, the entire world stopped as his whole body turned to stone.

He had never been claustrophobic before, but right now he began to feel suffocated for he knew she was somewhere in that same crowd. She could be in a different room, or just a few steps away from where he stood, still what mattered was the fact that she was there.

The mixture of expensive perfumes in the air along with loud laughter and rowdy conversations caused Harry a headache. He looked from left to right, frantically searching for the figure of the woman he used to love, unable to decide whether he was trying to spot her so he could hide from her, or just to see her face again.

It was annoying, wasn't it?

Harry thought he'd mastered not thinking about Ruby, now the possibility of running into her had him plagued with a sinking stomach.

"But she wasn't at the premiere," He nervously blurted, making his friend heave a sigh.

"She probably skipped it. I don't know."

"Did she...did she say something to you?"

Niall's hesitation before answering that one question got Harry sweating in his suit.

"She asked me where you were. She wanted to speak to you about something, but I told her that you didn't want to see her again."

Harry nodded slightly as he muttered a weak "thank you" before rushing towards the nearest exit. Despite Niall desperately calling out to ask where he was going, the actor only walked faster. Once again, he found himself running away from the ghost of his past, like the same old pathetic Harry a couple months ago. It was awkward, embarrassing even.

As he stumbled through the door, his brain was filled with questions that needed answers. What had gotten into him back there? Why was he so afraid of meeting Ruby again? Was it because he still hadn't moved on? Wait. No. He was sure that he had. Because the only girl that'd been on his mind lately was his Bambi, only his Bambi. Maybe he should get back to her.

His throat was dry when he swallowed hard and got into the backseat of his car. He told his driver Y/N's address, hoping that she was still awake to let him in. While chewing on his bottom lip impatiently, Harry looked out of the window, watching streetlights passing by and processing all the complicated thoughts running right through his head. He didn't want to start guessing what it was that Ruby wanted to talk about.

The loud ringtone pierced right through the silence in the car, causing Harry to flinch as he took out the device from his jacket. Once he saw Bambi on the screen, he picked up without reluctance, but the girl didn't give him a chance to speak first.

"I'm right outside your door." Her voice was rapid and fear-filled, making his heart halt for a split second as he quickly told the driver to go back to his house instead.

"I'm on my way home," he said fast into the phone. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I...I need to see you..." She sounded strained, which made him worry even more.

"I'm almost there. Can you wait five more minutes?"

"Sure" was all she said before hanging up on him.

Harry put his phone away and urged the driver to speed up, thanking God that it was late and the avenue was clear. In less than five minutes, he had arrived at his London home. He thanked the driver and rushed out of the vehicle to find Y/N sitting on his doorstep. With both knees held close to her chest, the girl only looked up when she heard his hasty footsteps on the pavement coming her way.

She'd been holding back from the moment she got there, but as soon as he showed up, it didn't take too long for her eyes to flood with tears. She didn't explain. He didn't ask. In silence, she fell into his arms and he held her tight, one hand at the back of her head while his other arm locked around her waist. She desperately needed that hug right now. But little did she know, he needed it just as much.

He kissed her temple as she clutched onto his jacket, telling her no matter what had happened, it was all fine now that he was there. It was dark outside so Harry didn't notice the welt on her cheek at first, but now that he had, he felt a physical pain surging through his bones. He took her face with tenderness. His hands were cold, but the softness of his touch made her feel warm inside.

"Did...did she hit you?" Sadness clouded his features when she shook her head to deny it, still, the look on her face screamed a loud yes.

Quickly, he unlocked the door and pulled her into his living room where he could hold her for much longer without being afraid of curious eyes on the street. Harry didn't ask any more questions, knowing she would only tell the truth once she was calm enough and ready to confide in him. Now his job was to make her feel safe. He gave her one of his t-shirts so she could change out of her clothes and asked her to wait in the bedroom for him to return with a glass of water.

She looked exactly like the night they first met. Underneath that hard shell she'd created for herself was still the same little girl who ran away from her parents' fight to a place where she felt safe. And he couldn't decide whether it was disheartening or endearing to see her this vulnerable. Maybe it was a terrible mixture of both. No matter how hard she tried to disregard the nine-year-old she once was, he knew from the sadness in her eyes that she had never really changed.

In silence, he watched her finish her water, smiling at the way his t-shirt looked too big on her. He wanted to just hold her in his arms and shower her face with sweet kisses until she fell asleep.

"I'll be right back," he said when she handed him back the empty glass. But when he turned away, her fingers were locked around his wrist, pulling him back to her.

"Don't go..." She begged. "Lie with me."

Harry was just about to say it would only take a minute, yet he didn't have the heart to deny Y/N's little request when she was giving him that face.

Nodding his head once, the man set the glass down on the nightstand then climbed onto the bed, pulling her close. Now that she was lying close to his chest, he thought she might feel his heart beat for her. They stayed in that position for a while, with him stroking her hair, and her fidgeting with the buttons of his white shirt. She loved the smell of his cologne which always put her at ease. While wearing his shirt and wrapped up in his arms, she was soaked in the scent of him, thinking she could stay like that forever and always.

"I read somewhere that when you lie too close to a person and can listen to their heart beat, your heart will slowly beat in sync with theirs," she said, which came out as a whisper and she felt his body shake with quiet laughter.

"Then your heart must be going insane right now." His joke made her eye roll, but he was staring at the ceiling so he probably had missed that precious smile she put on for him.

After another moment of silence, Y/N had regained her composure to finally tell Harry what had happened at the store, everything but the reason for the mark on her cheek, though she believed Harry had already figured it out.

She breathed steadily, sorrow dawned on her face as she broke the silence once again, "when I was little, my dad used to say 'I love you' to my mum all the time. In the morning. In the afternoon. Before bed. Every single chance he got, he said those words to her. But one day he suddenly stopped. I assumed he just forgot somehow, not knowing the last time I heard him say he loved her would actually be the last." Her voice was trembling with various emotions. "From that day he raised his voice so often, he smashed furniture and made her cry instead of making her laugh. Maybe he never actually loved her. And those 'I love you's that he used to say every day meant nothing at all. It's just so depressing to think about it...isn't it? How fast a human's heart can change. How easy they can say those words and take them back whenever they want."

Harry's chest lifted when he sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it all out.

"Maybe he did love her at one point," he said, causing the girl to purse her lips.

"Is that what love supposed to be like? Something so fleeting that happens once and can just vanish the next moment?"

Those words really made Harry think.

"You're right." He nodded. "I guess not."

Shifting a bit so he could look at her face, he lifted her chin with his fingers so they were eye to eye and lips to lips.

"Don't think about him anymore," he told her. "Focus on me."

Y/N nervously giggled. For the first time since their kiss in the rain, Harry felt her shiver like a teenage girl being touched for the first time. There was something about the way the bedroom light reflecting in her weary eyes that got him hypnotized.

"Want you to fuck me," she whimpered, hot breath fanning his mouth before their lips attached for a passionate kiss. On spur of the moment, Harry shook his head rapidly, flipping them over so he was hovering above her. His pulsing member was right between her legs where she wanted him most now.

"Let's take it slow this time." He swallowed hard, stroking away the pain on her cheek with his thumb. "If that's alright with you."

Y/N could only answer by nodding fast, and that was all Harry had waited for to kiss her again, slipping his tongue past her lips, gasping when she held his hips down to feel him grow against her thigh. Slowly, as he wished, she unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off to reveal his bare chest, running her fingertips across his tattoos as if she was learning the map to remember every single detail inked on his torso.

With a hand at the back of his neck, she pulled him down to get a taste of those lips again. She could never get over their sweetness and she enjoyed the way he groaned into her open mouth. His crotch was slightly rubbing against her clothed sex, creating some fiction to maintain the tiny bit of self-control he'd got left.

The feeling was so strange, overwhelming, yet made him feel complete. His t-shirt that she was wearing soon came off after she'd managed to get him out of his tight jeans. They made out slowly with only his boxers in the way as his fingers found their favorite spot between her thighs. He kissed her hard, wanting to devour down every single sound she made, loving all the different ways she whispered his name. He loved to know no one else had the privilege to make her feel this good. Only him.

"There you go, baby. Fuck, that's my girl," he growled into her mouth as she rode out her first orgasm, one hand gripping his wrist as the movements of his fingers was gradually slowing down. He could get off just by looking at the way her face screwed up for pleasure, knowing he was the only one who could touch her this way, kiss her this way, hold her this way. "All mine," Harry whispered, stroking her hair as he tugged down his boxers while she was recovering.

"All yours, H. Want you...fuck...want you inside..." The sounds she made was the most heavenly he'd ever heard. God, he loved every single word she said to him. The fact that they weren't in a rush turned him on even more. He was so hard for her that his eyes watered when her sweaty palm wrapped around him to stroke him slowly. It felt so good, but if she continued, this would end embarrassingly soon.

"Shit, baby...Stop..." He took her wrist and removed her hand quickly. His breathing became ragged when he rolled the condom on and kissed her again. Both of them gasped out loud the second he started to push in slowly for her to adjust to the fullness. Now they could feel everything at once.

His hand reached for hers and they interlocked as he kissed her tenderly, mumbling "you feel amazing" and "so tight for me" against her plump lips. He was completely mesmerized by the way she scrunched her nose and tossed her head back. He couldn't help it, he had to bite down on that pretty neck, causing her fingers to tangle in his messy hair. The feeling caused them both to shiver in complete pleasure and ecstasy.

His warm hands roamed all over her naked body, stroking her flushed skin with affection as he focused on every single thrust, going steady and deep, wanting her to feel all of him.

"You're so beautiful." He breathed into Y/N's mouth, making her laugh slightly as she opened her eyes to stare back at him.

"You're gorgeous," she whispered, holding onto his neck to bring his lips back on hers. He slowly massaged her my breast as they kiss, causing her back to arch as she rewarded him with another soft moan. For his every thrust, her chest rose and fell dramatically. He could feel her getting close as her drenched walls were squeezing him when they maintained eye contact. Her stare was intense, yet tender, and sweet. The noises she made when she fell apart would come back to haunt him in his most beautiful dreams. Harry pushed faster, one hand holding her face, the other holding one of her legs up so he could give it to her harder.

"Yes, baby, that's it...Fuck," he blurted through gritted teeth, feeling himself coming close but he didn't want to close his eyes in fear of missing out her reaction to how good he was making her feel. With one loud gasp, Y/N came hard around him. Harry felt so close to the edge, just a few pushes more...

But then it happened.

"Harry...I love you...."

His eyes shot open wide. In the haziness of his own pleasure, he could still hear those three words so loud and clear. It wasn't a mistake. Y/N breathed harshly through her nose as she clung onto his back when he shuddered and came hard into the condom.

I love you.

Those three words were now echoing inside his brain as both of them tried to catch their breath. Harry's expression hardened as he stared at Y/N, yet the girl only seemed confused.

"What's wrong?" She quietly giggled, stroking his cheek. "Did I say something silly when I came again?"

With that question, he knew she didn't realize it. She'd let those words slip out in the heat of the moment. She didn't even remember saying them.

"No." He pressed his lips into a nervous smile, but he guessed she couldn't see it through. "I kind of spaced out..."

Y/N stayed silent and kissed his nose. The beam on her face made him feel twice as guilty. What would he have done if those words hadn't got out by accident? Would he have said them back?

Now in the darkness of the room, with her warm body pressed against his, Harry felt so hard to breathe. The feeling was no different from having a panic attack, and he was glad that Y/N had fallen asleep and couldn't sense that something was definitely wrong. He couldn't even shut his eyes now, just lying there in silence, staring at the moonlit ceiling and thinking hard about those words she'd said, which scared him witless.

I love you.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, pinching his forehead as he tried to get rid of the voice inside his head that sounded just like her. He tried to count sheep in the hope that it would help him drift off, when the buzzing of his phone on the nightstand struck right through his brain. Y/N was too exhausted to be bothered by the noise, still, she did shift around a little bit, so Harry quickly turned off the alert before it woke her.

But the moment he saw who was calling, the color all drained out of his face.

RUBY

#my girl series #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles series #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #older!harry #actor!harry #harry and bambi

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muthaz-rapapa · 5 years

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StarPre Ep 29: Planet Saaman, the Frontier (??)

Alternatively, “YEARSH, MOAR LALA!!”

Sooooo many things to discuss about this episode (yay!) as I expected as much with going back to Lala’s homeland.

Therefore, I should go through everything efficiently (ahahaha~).

*cracks knuckles* Let’s begin!

1) Saaman, a world ruled by AI + Lala, the anomaly

I believe by now, most of us have consumed enough media to understand that a utopia run completely by a computer is NOT the ideal world it paints itself to be.

While there are certain perks in efficiency, the lack of freedom, authenticity and most importantly, the limit on a person’s individuality and true potential (among many other things) are so alarmingly concerning that such a reality is not worth it.

However, Saaman is just that. Its citizens not only thrive on their reliance of the AI, they are also super (!!) content with a machine deciding every single aspect of how they live.

Which suggests that Saaman’s current social infrastructure and foundation must have lasted quite long already (probably centuries) for the entire population to rarely, if ever, question the decisions that AI “Mother” made for them.

Save for one. Our lovely Lala-chan.

I mean, can you blame her for not going along with the norm like her family and fellow Saamanians do?

AI Mother’s evaluation of her determined that she was most suited to investigate garbage.

After everything we’ve seen her done, how much she’s experienced and grown on this journey, of course, she can never be satisfied with that!

Lala deserves SO👏MUCH👏 FRIGGIN’👏MORE👏 (give her the galaxy!) than to sit hours upon hours sorting through junk!

Unfortunately, given the longstanding situation and culture of her planet (again, a reminder that the people of Saaman have no problem with this lifestyle), it would be incredibly difficult for anyone to actually voice their opinions of disagreement with Mother’s decisions.

Especially Lala, whose parents are big shots in Saaman and older brother is the poster child/epitome of Saamanian values.

When the majority of your family is so ensconced in societal conventions, it’s not surprising that they would push the “lesser” relative to be more like “everybody else”.

Please don’t make the mistake that this means they don’t love and care about Lala because it doesn’t. It’s so obvious that they worry for her and only want the best for her.

BUT! It’s also obvious that they don’t really know Lala nor can they be considered close to her (she calls her parents by their given names instead of simply “Mom” or “Dad”, for stars’ sake!).

Lala’s family doesn’t understand her or her unhappiness with her assigned role on Saaman. They’re so content with their own jobs that they fail to see anyone else can feel differently about theirs. So the only solution they can think of to “help” Lala is to push her further into it, believing that eventually she’ll become content.

It’s something that happens to a lot of people and perhaps the reason why Lala left Saaman in the first place. She couldn’t exactly rebel so she ran away from the pressure on her spaceship. Maybe she didn’t intend to be away for an extended period of time but still, she left hoping to search for something that Saaman could not, would not, give her.

Then she fatefully bumped into Prunce and Fuwa running away from the Notrayders, met Hikaru, became Precure and the rest was history (or rather, destiny~).

At least, that’s how I see it.

2) Madoka relates

Y’know, at first, I thought Madoka empathizing with Lala’s discomfort was based on their similar upbringings.

Despite how close Lala and Hikaru are with each other, it’s Lala and Madoka who have the most in common out of all the other members of their team and I’ve been waiting for the writers to touch on that for some time now.

From birth or early childhood at the very least, everything was already decided for them. What they will be when they grow up, what their routines will be every single day, what expectations they’re supposed to fulfill, etc.

It’s a suffocating position that doesn’t leave a lot of room for argument and what shaped these two girls into having very detrimental perfectionist outlooks before that changed after meeting Hikaru and becoming Precure.

And now that Lala finds herself under stucky circumstances with her family, unable to enjoy the same openness with them as she does with her friends, I thought Madoka was going to try to encourage Lala not to let that get to her. She’s going through the same thing with her own father, after all, so if anyone can tell Lala’s going through a hard time, it’d be Madoka.

But turns out, that’s not quite the case here as the issue lies with them keeping their Precure identities and duties secret from their families instead.

Which is fine because at least Lala still has someone who can understand her on that.

Anyways, it’s a problem because being the upstanding, honest and serious types they are (majimeko) and both coming from families with high reputations, it’s really difficult for Lala and Madoka to not tell the people who are important to them about another part of their lives that is very important to them.

For Madoka, she feels that she’s betraying her father by hiding the fact that her friends, the very first and truest friends she’s ever made, are either aliens or helping the aliens avoid being caught.

For Lala, she’s torn between her duties as a Saamanian and wanting the acknowledgement of her family and community against the desire the protect her friends from the consequences of acting on the former.

And they are right when they suspect things would probably be worst off if they were to reveal that they are Precure.

Sure, they can probably expect to receive some more substantial support from the officials of their home planet (more from the Starscape Alliance than Earth’s government, sorry Madoka)...but at what cost?

The Star team can operate and travel smoothly throughout space precisely because nobody else is aware of who they really are. If they reveal their identities, there’s no doubt they will be targeted to be controlled.

Because sadly and not to get too political or anything, that’s just what governments do. They have to control the situation, they have to think about the interests of their own countries and more often than not, they extremely suck at it and turn everything into a huge mess (and this is just massively simplifying the general for length).

If they let other people get involved, the team’s balance and even their friendship will likely absolutely be affected and strained because no way will the universe at large care about a bunch of girls getting along as much as they do about using them for its own needs.

Which I’ll get more into on Point #3 below.

But for certain, that’s one of the reasons why Lala and Madoka are unable to tell their families about being Precure.

Yes, it makes them very uncomfortable to keep this huge secret...a secret.

But at the same time, it feels even more wrong to expose it because once that happens, nothing will be the same. Nothing can stay the same.

Even if they avoid all the worse case scenarios, the ones who will definitely suffer the most will still be the girls.

Perhaps that sounds selfish because they’re putting their friends above everything else but it’s not like the Star team isn’t also doing their best to keep the villains at bay while trying to save the universe at the same time. And they’re already doing an exceptional job without anyone breathing down their necks about it.

*cough* Sorry, getting off track a bit.

Anyways, the point is, they’re following their instincts this time which is a BIG deal for people like Lala and Madoka who have tendency to lean more towards logic.

After meeting Hikaru, after letting Hikaru teach them about valuable things they didn’t know before, both Lala and Madoka learned that there is much more to the world than the structures built around them.

Sometimes, the right answer doesn’t lie in the data or the rules, cold and fair in judgement.

Sometimes, simply trusting what you feel is just more correct.

Nobody ever said doing the right thing will be easy (in fact, many times, it never is) but the heart can never lie to you after all. And it’s even more dangerous to ignore it and live through the regrets afterwards.

So which would you choose?

Going with what you feel and doing everything you can to get the best outcome? Or choosing the opposite, knowing that doing so, the best outcome becomes more impossible to achieve and you can only hope for the best of the worse?

Eh..my phrasing isn’t very good but you get what I mean, right?

Anyways, it’s just very meaningful for Madoka to be the one to say these words to Lala.

I wouldn’t say she and Lala have completed their personal journeys yet (we still have like 20 more episodes to go after all) but I do believe that this particular moment marks a very significant point in their arcs.

Having been exposed to more of the world out there beyond their own, they would never go back to being the same Lala and Madoka from the beginning.

They are still unsure about whether their choices will lead them to what they’re looking for but they both know there’s no point in looking back. They can only move forward, trusting in what they feel as right.

Which it will be and not just because this is Precure but because it will leave a very bad taste in my mouth if I wrote all that and the right doesn’t end up prevailing. :P

3) The next step...

I’ll give you a straight up “NOPE!” to that, Pops!

Apologies for letting some of my RL views seep into this post (though can you blame me when it’s been disaster after disaster out there?) but I’m positive that “joining” the Starscape Alliance (their terms, not Precure’s), no matter how well-intentioned they are, will hurt the Star team more than benefit them.

Again, cuz it will allow busybodies to unnecessarily butt into their affairs and make things harder for the girls than they already are.

Moreover...

This is just Lala’s boss being an incompetent ass-for-brains idiot but if the Starscape Alliance is anything like him or even thinks remotely like him, then the Star team coming under their control spells doom for all.

Seriously, this is another level of messed up stupid. They just got terrorized by a flamboyant tengu woman and the person he accuses of trying to steal the Princess pen is Lala?! Even though the wrecked video footage is NOT enough sufficient evidence to point her as an accomplice to Tenjou? Even though Lala’s safely holding onto the pen in the aftermath, is noticeably NOT running away with it and showing concern for her boss?

WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCKING FUCK?!?!

D:<

That said, I hope that in midst of all the chaos of next week’s episode, Lala’s family will at least refuse to believe Lala is a thief and try to find a way to talk to her to know what’s really going on.

Because if they can’t even do that and join the chase to jail their own daughter, then I have another concern to worry about and will immediately fly to Saaman, lay waste to it, take Lala home with me and file to adopt her as my own child (don’t laugh).

But seeing how Lala fought so hard, despite her awkward relationship with her family, to make sure Lolo’s efforts weren’t for nothing, I’m sure it’ll be alright.

Having both her parents and Lolo come to understand Lala would be ideal...but if not, then either one or the other. I’m banking on Lolo atm since he’s her twin but he can be the type who chooses the system over his own kin, too, so...

The screentime we were given just wasn’t enough for me to grasp where each of Lala’s family members stand on their respective relations with her so I can only hope for the best. :/

Ooo, and also, Cancer Star Princess gets revived next week! Yay~! :D

#i gotta go #spent all morning doing this #star twinkle precure #hagoromo lala #kaguya madoka

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unicornfart-blogs · 4 years

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Error: Trust not found.

Lately, I have been bothered by my trust issues. Since the Enhanced Community Quarantine started, while I relish my solitude, I found myself thinking way too much - worrying about my future. I started to do some things to fix the situation and normally I would tell it to my best friend or to some close friends to gain some support and criticism. I did not know if it was out of laziness or wanting to be alone but I told no one instead about what I was up to.

As I have been reading some fanfictions and books, I have come to realize that my recent actions were highly influenced by my trust issues. I know I have had it ever since, but I always brush it off, thinking that I will get over it. However, being in college already, I do not think it is that easy to go away.

I have been having some realizations lately on where this trust issues of mine stemmed from.

I have always known that my father had different mistresses over the years of my existence. I remember as a kid I have seen my mother cry many times because of my father's infidelity. Well, that is just one of the reasons why she cried then, the other reason being my father hurting her physically. That was the "love" I witnessed growing up. Although they are not married, I believe that it is their duty to be committed to each other because they claim themselves as "husband and wife" to other people. I also think it is one of the reasons why I am also afraid of being hurt physically. When my friends playfully hurt me - punch me or slap me when making jokes or when I am drunk LOL - I get very mad and cry.

My mother cheated on her first husband with my dad. We - my dad, younger sister, and I - are my mom's second family. When we talk about her first husband, mom highly praises him, telling us stories about how intelligent and kind he was. Although she does not say it out loud, I know that my mother's biggest regret is leaving his husband for my dad. And if it were not for me, I think my mom would not have stayed with my dad and they both would be better off without each other.

When I was young, I had a diary. I have just started writing in one when my mom found it in my drawer. The first and only entry I had written there was how I felt bad about my sister's accident - my younger sister got hit my a bicycle with a sidecar and if I had been outside 2 seconds ago, I could have prevented it from happening. I blamed my self for what happened since I had no one to confide to. At 8 years old, it was my biggest grief and so I confided to my diary. My mom read it. And shared it with my sisters. I have never felt so disappointed and mad. They told me to cut the drama off. Emotions were never tolerated in our house.

Whenever I share a secret to my mom, she always blubber it to other people.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom so much, but she never had any respect for my privacy.

When I was in 7th grade, my sister and I had banks each wherein we put 5 and 10 pesos and paper bills. Since I had a pretty high allowance at the time for my expenses, I was able to put a lot of paper bills in my bank. At time, my father would put a 1000 bill in each of our banks. I decided to use my money for our field trip in school so that I would not need to ask my parents for money.

When I opened my bank, surprisingly, there were no paper bills. I remember being gravely disappointed. When we opened my sister's to to check if her paper bills were gone too, fortunately there were still some although it was obvious that the amount was diminished.

Until now I still do not know who took it. All I know is that we had different housekeeping ppl at the time. I don't blame anyone though until it's proven because at that time, I thought it was someone close to me who took it. I am not mad about the money anymore. I felt betrayed and it sucks so bad. I was looking forward to it, anticipating the time it would be opened because originally, I was planning to buy my parents some gifts with the money. I worked hard for a year for it and I was left with nothing. Well, a lot of 5 and 10 pesos tho.

When I was in 6th grade, my class adviser and the whole class talked about me behind my back. The people who I though were my friends said bad things about me. I only learned about it when someone accidentally spilled the beans.

When I was in 8th grade, my ex-boyfriend and I went out on a date. During the whole date, he was on his phone. By the end of the date, he asked me to help him buy a crucifix pendant for his sister as a gift for Christmas and I complied. Turns out, he was texting with his ex-girlfriend during our date telling her he wished she was there with him instead of me and the pendant we bought was for his ex too.

I’ve got a lot of betrayal stories but this would be too long if I enlist everything. I guess the point of this post is that everything we do, whether it may be a small or a big act, can create a massive impact to someone. No one ever thought of how I would feel. It sucks tbh. I have forgiven them, but I could not forget. Whenever I tell myself that not everyone is like them, the world finds a way to prove me wrong. It sucks that I have no one to tell this to.

#disappointed #disappoinment #betrayal #trustissue #trustissues

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bemused-writer · 5 years

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VNC Chapter 35 Analysis

In many ways this was a more “straightforward” chapter but there were still some important revelations and a couple things really got me thinking.

To start with, Vanitas was reluctant to let Noé face Astolfo again but, I think as a sign of trust, he opted to go along with it. This ties in neatly with his declaration from the previous chapter: “I’m telling you I’ll act on the assumption that you’re going to convince me.” He’s giving Noé a chance to “convince” him he can really handle facing Astolfo this time around along with everything else. He’s giving Noé a chance to punch him for Vanitas as well--he really hasn’t let go of the fact he was forced into a fragile position with Jeanne yet, clearly.

We also learn that Vanitas was 100% correct in his assessment of Noé‘s poor battle form previously. He really did see Astolfo as a child and he really did want to talk things out so he held back to his own detriment.

“I thought of my opponent as a child, underestimated him, and was too sure of my own power.”

Interestingly, Noé‘s reflection brings back another one of Vanitas’s critiques of his personality from volume 3, which is that he’s too sure of his own power.

And yet, while having too much faith in his own abilities is something that infuriates Vanitas he also can’t stand pacifism. Below (volume 4) we see that Vanitas doesn’t want to see vampires holding themselves back; this is perhaps even more infuriating to him than having too much confidence in their abilities.

This doesn’t just apply to Noé either but to Jeanne as well (though Noé couldn’t know that). Vanitas goes so far as to compare the two of them in volume 5 and how they share this weakness.

It looks like Vanitas was going to add someone else to this list, perhaps? “You ... and Noé ... w--” But whatever he was going to say is covered up by the sound affect.

To be honest, I find this trait of Vanitas’s a little strange. His parents were killed by vampires, he was trained by the chasseurs, and he hates Vanitas of the Blue Moon but his issue isn’t with the cruelty of vampires exactly but with how they, these powerful creatures, keep overestimating themselves, holding themselves back, and acting kind instead of practical. Despite that he’s really gone out of his way to forge strong ties with two people with these exact characteristics: both Jeanne and Noé.

It makes me wonder if I’ve been completely wrong about his problem with VotBM. Maybe she was also too kind and overestimated herself? That would be wildly different from what I’ve been assuming, which is that she was cruel and marked Vanitas against his will. If she was cruel then someone else must have had these traits that infuriate him so much but at this point I can’t say who. Perhaps the mysterious “Lou.”

Getting back to Noé, I would say he’s taken Vanitas’s critiques to heart and is really thinking about them. Noé has two traits that are both his strongest and weakest: chivalry and curiosity. Astolfo was on the receiving end of Noé‘s chivalry in volume 5, which is why Noé lost. Now, while he isn’t facing that so much, he’s instead facing Noé‘s curiosity, which seems to be much worse for him.

Wondering why Astolfo hates vampires so much is fair (although he really shouldn’t expect a proper response to that; they’re in the middle of battle...) and, I think, inspired by the fact that Vanitas doesn’t even though Noé thought it would make sense for him to.

Astolfo claims it’s because vampires have no right to exist in the first place but Noé, being the selectively perceptive person he is, knows that can’t possibly be the truth of it. “Is that what you think, personally? Or is it the collective will of the Church?”

So, at some point Astolfo helped a vampire around his own age. I wonder if his family was invested in the healing arts or if he helped this vampire of his own accord. Either way, it looks like this vampire betrayed him utterly by bringing him to be fed on by a group of vampires. It’s a deep trauma and Noé is correct that what Astolfo said isn’t quite what he really thinks; it’s far more personal than that.

We don’t get much more on the subject but there was an interesting revelation: the original beast was entirely created by the chasseurs during a vampire hunt. The evidence being marks of torture and beheadings. We already knew the Church wasn’t exactly great in its handling of vampires but this is much worse than had been stated previously. Apparently, massive vampire hunts were a known thing, which was implied previously by Jean-Jacques when he was saying he was a “hidden” vampire but this is far more overt.

Knowing whether someone was a human or a vampire was a crucial step in making sure you stayed alive. I’m curious to see what Astolfo’s response to Noé‘s accusation about the Church will be. To be honest, I have a feeling he won’t care; he just wants to remove vampires. Whether the Church is “honest” or not is probably not even on his radar.

Those were the most important elements of the chapter but there were some smaller things I really liked such as seeing Noé and Vanitas’s fighting skills:

For Noé to just be able to pick up a pipe, a two-handed weapon much like a staff essentially, and wield it without much difficult implies this was yet another thing his Teacher must have taught him. Usually, Noé sticks with hand-to-hand combat while reinforcing his strength with the world formula but this shows us he could wield a weapon if he so wished.

It isn’t emphasized much but Vanitas just took out two people without really trying (not to mention the wolves from the previous chapter). We don’t get to see him do a lot of fighting, he usually let’s Noé handle that and seems to prefer subterfuge and stealth more generally, but he’s clearly capable.

Another thing I really want to hear more about is this:

A pendulum is generally only used for two things: yes-and-no questions or dowsing. Both are methods of divination. I’m guessing Vanitas wasn’t trying to get an answer to a specific question but he is trying to locate The Book of Vanitas, so he must have been dowsing. Noé didn’t know what he was doing, so this implies it’s not an art form vampires employ or that this is just another gap in Noé‘s knowledge.

Regardless, this raises a lot of questions for me. Dowsing is something people do in real life, so it’s not totally strange that Vanitas was doing it but it does imply it’s something he knows will work. Is this something he can do because he’s human or is it because he has the mark of Vanitas? The pendulum was glowing, so was he manipulating the formula? Does this confirm he doesn’t need the book to do so necessarily? This one small scene has raised so many questions not least of which is: does Vanitas do any other kinds of divination?

We didn’t get much of an update with Jeanne this chapter although she appears to be holding her own very well. Still, that battle is at a standstill; neither one of them appear to be winning. Furthermore, we’re not totally sure where Vanitas has run off to. I’m assuming he’s either looking for the book or for Chloé, possibly both since he’s likely assuming Chloé has the book. I’m not sure this is entirely wise for him to do without Noé. She’s exceedingly powerful and knocked Noé out with a single slap to the face.

Regardless, I really think Noé needs to hurry that battle with Astolfo up and join up with Vanitas again because things are only going to get worse the longer they’re allowed to continue. Just look at this sky:

That looks pretty ominous. Is it stemming from the beam of light Chloé has brought forth? Is it the flames from Jeanne’s weapon? Either way, I think we’re going to see some interesting things taking place!

#vanitas no carte #vnc theories #spoilers

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sebeth · 5 years

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Young Justice: A Bat Family And The House Of Al Ghul

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

Seriously, turn away if you aren’t up to date with Young Justice: Outsiders – particularly episode 6.

You have been warned…

The current Young Justice season has shown the following members of the Bat-Family:

Batman (Bruce Wayne)

Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

Oracle (Barbara Gordon)

Robin (Tim Drake)

Spoiler (Stephanie Brown)

Batwoman (Kate Kane)

Jason Todd

Damian Wayne

The House of Al Ghul has the following representation:

Ra’s Al Ghul

Talia

Sensei

Damian Wayne

“Rescue Op”, the latest episode of Young Justice: Outsiders, dropped a few bombshells on the Wayne Family and the League of Shadows. Now is a perfect time for a recap and speculation post.

Batman: Has grown tired of the limitations imposed on the Justice League by the United Nations and Lex Luthor in particular. Bruce resigned from the League and formed Batman Inc. Green Arrow, Batwoman, Katana, Hardware, and Plastic Man have also resigned from the League and joined Batman Inc. Robin, Spoiler, and Arrowette resigned from Young Justice in support of their mentors.

We haven’t seen Batman since the mass resignation so we are unaware of his future plans.

Batwoman: Has made one brief non-speaking appearance. I’m assuming Kate’s origin is similar to her comic book version. She should re-appear when Batman returns on the scene.

Nightwing: Left Young Justice at the end of season two. The death of Wally West, his best friend, laid a heavy burden on his shoulders. We have no idea what Dick has been up to during the two-year time gap between season two and three. The use of hypnos in an early episode hints as adventures with Spyral, a spy organization.

The season opened with Dick breaking up meta-human trafficking rings. He’s in a relationship with Barbara Gordon. It appears Dick will/has formed the Outsiders as of the latest episode – Brion and Halo stated they’d work best “outside” the Young Justice team.

Oracle: Has been paralyzed for less than a year. The prequel comic had Babs active as Batgirl in year six. We aren’t aware of the circumstances of her paralysis but it’s most likely due to the Joker. The only question is if we will receive a “Killing Joke” flashback or if it’s only referenced in a comment. Babs is strictly working with Nightwing at this point but will she organize the Birds of Prey in the future? I would love to see Huntress and Lady Blackhawk in the YJ-verse!

Dick and Babs were both aware of Bruce’s “Batman Inc” plan but are not actively participating in it.

Robin: We’re not sure when Tim became Robin. I’ve always felt it was shortly before season two started due to the anxious protectiveness Dick had of Tim in the first episode. Tim should be around 16-17 years old in the current season. He resigned along with Batman in the first episode. Tim’s romance with Wonder Girl is on the rocks due to the resignation.

Spoiler (Stephanie Brown) – Like Kate, she has only been featured in a non-speaking role. Steph was part of the mass resignation of episode one. I’m assuming Steph’s origin is true to her comic book roots: daughter of Cluemaster, adopts the Spoiler identity to foil his crimes. A significant difference is her early adoption into the Bat family. Trust me, Steph wouldn’t have been able to join the team without Batman’s approval. Steph’s resignation suggests she has a much smoother relationship with Bruce in the YJ-verse. Another difference – Steph isn’t romantically involved with Tim. Is Cassie doomed to be the “Ariana” of Tim and Steph’s future romance? Or will Tim and Steph simply be BFFs?

Finally, Jason Todd!

Jason was seen briefly in season two as a memorial hologram. He had died sometime during years two and four of Young Justice. We’re not sure of the exact time or circumstances.

I would set Jason’s death in year four. Dick would be approximately 17 years old during the fourth year of the team. Dick, traditionally, is around 17 to 19 years old when he breaks off from Bruce and forms the Nightwing identity. Jason would have a brief tenure as Robin and a member of Young Justice before his death- allowing a very new to the role Tim to join the team in year 5.

We’ve never been told the circumstances of Jason’s death. It’s a safe bet the Joker was involved in some way.

Let’s recap the various versions:

Post-Crisis: Jason searches to find his birth mother. Sheila Haywood, said birth mother, betrays Jason to the Joker. The Joker beats Jason with a crowbar and leaves him to die in an exploding warehouse.

New 52: Very similar to the Post-Crisis death.

Under The Red Hood movie: Similar to the traditional death minus the mom.

Batman: Arkham Knight: The Joker kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured Jason for many months. Joker appeared to murder Jason in a video, causing Bruce to stop searching for him.

Now let’s discuss the various resurrections…

Post-Crisis: Superboy Prime punched the walls of reality causing alterations of the timeline. One alteration was Jason’s resurrection. A massively brain-damaged and physically injured Jason awoke in his coffin. He dug himself out of his grave and wandered the streets of Gotham in a semi-catonic state. Talia discovers Jason and brings him to the League of Assassins. Jason has muscle memory but no intellectual capabilities. In other words, Jason can fight but not communicate. After months of no progress, Ra’s orders Jason to be sent to a home. Ra’s orders Jason will be taken care of out of respect for the Detective. A desperate Talia throws Jason into the Lazarus Pit. Jason emerges with full mental capabilities but an insane amount of rage. Talia furthers Jason’s training but also amps Jason’s rage – she sends him like an exploding bomb into Gotham. Prime targets: Bruce, the Joker, and Tim. Jason and Talia have a brief, icky, sexual relationship.

New 52: No Superboy involved – Talia straight up throws Jason into the Lazaurs Pit. She still serves as Jason’s mentor but no sex was involved. Jason’s return as the Red Hood and his roaring rampage of revenge happened before the New 52 began. We never receive the full details of Jason’s revenge but Jason comments about his rough treatment of Tim and Roy jokes about a “duffel bag of severed heads” so we’ll assume it was similar to the ‘Under The Red Hood” arc.

Under The Red Hood movie: Ra’s resurrects Jason due to his guilt over unleashing the Joker. Jason’s death was never intended and Ra’s resurrected him to make amends. Unfortunately, Ra’s couldn’t contain Jason’s rage and banished him from the stronghold.

Batman: Arkham Knight: Never died but still full of rage and bitterness due to Batman’s “abandonment” of him.

Jason is seen briefly in “Rescue Op”. He’s masked and wearing a red hood. He fights Nightwing. After Dick’s team leaves, he mutters “Grayson”.

Ra’s comments: “Oh, your memory is finally returning. Excellent.”

Let’s speculate:

We can safely assume Jason died at the hands of the Joker. It’s a universal constant. I feel it was a true death as the “faked” death of Arkham Knight doesn’t work well in universe with a Superman and a Martian Manhunter. If Batman didn’t have Jason’s actual corpse in his arms, he would have called in his entire Justice League team to find his son. And if he didn’t, Dick would have.

More questions: Was Dick in space when Jason died? Did Dick and Jason work together in Young Justice? Did the brothers have a better bond in the Young Justice universe or was it the more typical “overshadowed by Dick’s greatness” combined with Dick’s bitterness over being replaced route?

As for Jason’s resurrection…

We can rule out Superboy Prime and timeline alterations.

The Lazarus Pit is the obvious solution. However, Jason is very much in his post-grave but pre-Lazarus dip state. Has Jason been immersed in the Pit? If not, what caused his resurrection?

If Jason has been immersed in the Pit, why such a half-assed job? And where’s the rage?

The Young Justice comic book had Robin (Dick) accidentally drop Ra’s – causing the man to fall to his death. Talia and Ubu threw Ra’s into the pit and he emerged fully intact with no memory loss.

If Jason still has memory loss after the Lazarus pit – is it due to the massive head trauma caused by the Joker’s crowbar? But, again, Ra’s had died in the Young Justice-verse and been resurrected in prime condition. Talia and Ubu had to travel back to the Lazarus Pit – meaning Ra’s was dead for hours – that would also cause brain damage and he came back in perfect health.

My theory is an outside force caused Jason’s resurrection. Talia discovered Jason wondering the streets and brought him back to the League’s stronghold.

It would explain Jason’s current state. I have no idea what the “outside force” would be though.

Jason has been healing and training with the League but has not been immersed in the Pit.

Ra’s al Ghul stated in “Recue Op” that he is no longer the head of the League of Shadows or a member of the Light.

A power struggle occurred and Ra’s lost. Ra’s only has his own family – Talia, Damian, and Sensei – along with a few loyal operatives on the island. Who has assumed control of the League of Shadows?

I listed a few suspects when I covered “Rescue Op” – Cheshire and Lady Shiva. I even theorized over the introduction of Cassandra Cain. I completely forgot the most obvious suspect – Nyssa al Ghul.

Nyssa is the older sister of Talia. Nyssa lost most of her family in concentration camps during World War II – mainly because of Ra’s outright refusal to help her.

“Batman: Death and the Maidens” is Nyssa’s origin and revenge against Ra’s. She murders Ra’s al Ghul and Talia and assumes control of the League.

The trio of Nyssa, Lady Shiva, and Cheshire would be a terrifying triple threat. And if Shiva has coerced Cassandra to help? Very bad times ahead for Ra’s and Talia.

Let’s talk Talia. She only has a brief appearance in the cartoon but received a two-issue spotlight in the comic book series.

Talia is a more multi-faceted and likable character in the Young Justice-verse than she is in the mainstream DC universe.

Talia wants Bruce to love her but realizes he doesn’t/can’t – at least not the way she wants him to. She’s frustrated that her father doesn’t understand or accept this. She wants someone to see her as something other than Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter or Batman’s lover. Talia is very tired of the endless conflict between Batman and her father.

I believe Talia discovered the resurrected Jason. She brought Jason home with her so he could heal. Talia has been patiently waiting for Jason’s full recovery. In the comics, Talia didn’t push Jason into the Pit until Ra’s threatened to send Jason away. Clearly, this isn’t a worry in the YJ-verse so Talia would have no reason to immerse Jason in the Pit and risk the resulting insanity/rage.

Initially, Talia rescued Jason in the comics so Bruce would be grateful to her. Cartoon-verse Talia likely has a similar motivation.

What would cause Talia to throw Jason into the Pit – restoring his full mental capacity even at the risk of rage and insanity?

Two words: Damian Wayne.

Talia was holding baby Damian in her arms during the episode. Why introduce both Jason and Damian together unless their storylines intertwine?

I feel Ra’s successors in the League are going to pursue the remaining Al Ghuls. The League, by its various nature, is a bloodthirsty affair – predecessors aren’t allowed to live out their lives in peace. And Ra’s isn’t a “chilling on the beach” type of guy.

Damian is a newborn and I’m assuming he was conceived the old-fashioned way. None of this Talia drugged Bruce or stole his genetic material stuff. It wouldn’t be true to the Young Justice version of Talia.

Talia has a newborn and a price on all the Al-Ghul heads. Talia realizes Damian needs to be with his father for his own safety. Talia is unable – or unwilling – to leave Ra’s side. It’s possible an ambush goes very badly. A desperate Talia throws Jason into the Lazarus Pit. She orders the now fully restored Jason to bring Damian to Bruce.

Jason may not even engage in a “roaring rampage of revenge” against Bruce. Mainstream-Talia’s manipulations helped cause Jason’s revenge (“You remain unavenged”). Talia has no reason to amp Jason’s revenge in the YJ-verse – she needs Jason to get Damian and himself to Gotham asap.

Jason’s rage may not even kick in until after he hands Damian over – it could be days or weeks later when Jason discovers the Joker is still alive. Enter the Red Hood.

If Jason does go all revenge-driven Red Hood, I am going to be seriously annoyed if he focuses his anger on Dick and not Tim.

Bad enough Dick stole the founding of Young Justice and the Kon friendship from Tim, if he takes the “replacement feud” I’m going to have a fit.

Dick is the original Bat-Family thief – first Barbara has multiple accomplishments stolen from her history in order to make her Dick’s “true love”, and then Dick steals the founding of Young Justice and Superboy from Tim!

I love you, Dick, but stop stealing your sibling’s stuff. They are allowed to have accomplishments and storylines without you hogging the action!

#Young Justice #Young Justice Outsiders #Jason Todd #Talia Al Ghul #Dick Grayson #Red Hood #Nightwing #Bruce Wayne #Ra's Al Ghul #Tim Drake #stephanie brown #Robin #Joker #Nyssa Al Ghul #Batman #Barbara Gordon #Oracle #League Of Shadows

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septic-dr-schneep · 5 years

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So we've seen the timeline for bunker Super Drug, hows about yours? 👀👀👀

Oof, I should’ve expected someone to ask XD Okay, here goes!

Jackieboy was ecstatic to have Marvin as abrother, of course, because he wasn’t alone in the big, dusty Egos Inc.anymore. The two of them were close; Jackie did everything he could to protecthim and make him feel welcome and help him build his identity – but becausehe’d been alone for so long, there were still things he didn’t trust him withbecause he didn’t want to upset him (and they were things that weren’t inMarvin’s expertise anyway). Treating his injuries was one of them.

He kept his pain secret, he made stashes ofsupplies around the house, he waited through agonizingly long days to treat hisinjuries at night after Marvin had gone to bed, etc. He basically just hobbledthrough. One day after he’d had a few floors of a building fall on him (ouch)Anti decided to stop by and pick a fight. Jackie’s reflexes were slow, hedidn’t quit while he was ahead and he got gutted. Anti left him to bleed out onthe kitchen floor – and that’s how Henrik found him when he nervously came throughthe door as a newborn. He managed to fumble through saving Jackie’s life.

While he was recovering, Jackie had nothing todo but talk Schneep’s ear off, so Schneep got to know him really well! Hewasn’t that good at answering back, though; his English was really bad. After amishap at the hospital which had him taking everything out on Jackie at homeafterward, Jackie offered to teach him some English. He ended up learning moreGerman than teaching Schneep English but it was still a really good opportunityfor them to talk and bond and they got close fast.

That was around the time that Marvin gotjealous as the “forgotten middle child” and he and Schneep started gettinginto their fights. When Marvin finally lashed out physically and Schneep gothurt, Jackie sided with Schneep in the end. Marvin took that reallybadly and felt really betrayed, which crushed Jackie to see. He backed offHenrik for a while to try and repair things with Marv. That left Schneep tofend for himself, he got lonely and ended up going out more to meet otherpeople to cope. That’s how he met his wife Maire!

By the time Henrik and Maire got married, mostof the issues with Marv had been resolved, so Jackie middled between them. Hewas really happy for Henrik because everything seemed really nice for someyears, and then he noticed him starting to deteriorate – losing it at work,withdrawing into himself, getting really stressed and overwhelmed, etc. Turnsout he’d found out Maire cheated on him. Jackie quite literally dragged the twoof them into a room to settle their differences and they ended up making a sickdeal: Maire and their sons wouldn’t leave him if he kept up a certainincome.

When Schneep operated on their accountant,Peter, and he didn’t make it, his family did leave and Schneep completely broke– full emotional breakdown. He had to go on administrative leave, went intothe lab and basically never came out. Jackie, instead of being there to supporthim through his grief, stupidly decided it would be better to not to burden himwith a bunch of attention. He thought it would be better to “give him space”and let him process on his own (Schneep doesn’t do that well.)

So since Jackie withdrew from Schneep, thatleft him to his own devices again when it came to his injuries. He was in pain,he was high-strung and heartbroken and stressed on Henrik’s behalf, and hedidn’t want to have to bother him about proper dosages and such, so hedeveloped a dependency. Of course, seeing their brother, their protector likethat didn’t help Schneep or Marvin in the slightest but Jackie insisted that hewas fine, he could handle it.

Schneep blamed himself for Jackie’s addiction,telling himself that he’d failed him just as badly as he failed his family, hecouldn’t be there for him, he was selfish for only thinking about his ownfeelings, none of this would have happened if he had been enough and doneenough, etc. etc. That’s why he still struggles with taking all the blame onhimself when something goes wrong. Chase’s arrival managed to bring them botharound to some sense of normalcy and start trying to heal.

They only had a little while to recover fromthat before Anti attacked Jack on Halloween. While Schneep dealt with theaftermath of that, Jackie started getting weird symptoms – nausea, headaches,phantom pains, irrational paranoia about Henrik’s safety whenever he was inhigh-tension situations – and given his job, there’s a lot of those.

When Schneep started getting the same symptomswhen Jackie was injured on the job, they started doing research and learnedabout the concept of soul bonds. That was when they really gotattached at the hip cos they had to spend a lot of healthy, positive timetogether in order to balance out the negative effects of the bond. That wastheir peak; they were closer than they’d ever been. Then Anti tore Henrik awayin the middle of a surgery that would save Jack’s life, and Jackie tried torecover from the blow to their bond fast enough to get there and save him, buthe couldn’t.

During the nine months that Anti was torturingHenrik, Jackie’s mental/emotional/physical health plummeted fast. He barely ateor slept, he started getting massive nightmares and panic attacks,second-guessing himself, hesitating on the job. By the time innocents started gettingkilled because of it, Jackie had essentially resigned his duty as a hero andlost a ton of the citizens’ trust.

He spent most of his time frenziedly scouringthe city looking for Anti and every brief time he managed to find him, Antipommeled him easily. In his prison, Schneep felt those defeats. Both of themwere scarily close to giving up. Not long afterward, the mysterious arrival ofa “Dr. Jacksepticeye” gave Jackie somewhere tangible to direct his rage; he’snever hated any normal human as much as Anti before, but “Dr. Jacksepticeye”was pushing it. Marvin and Chase convinced Jackie not to quite literally hurlhim to the other side of the city only because Jack needed a professional medicalcaretaker.

Then out of the blue, there was Jameson.Jackie didn’t want anything to do with him at first either, since he saw him asanother intrusion/possible puppet, but his presence was something Jackie couldfocus on other than Schneep’s absence. Eventually he came to trust him and thento love him. He was a calming factor because he was fresh and innocent toeverything that Anti had done so far. Helping him adjust was what gave Jackie strengthto hold on and feeling that helped Henrik vicariously.

When Schneep made it back, Jackie thought thenightmare was over. His health started bouncing back and he began regaining thetrust of the city, but Schneep was massively traumatized. Hewoke up screaming every night, started disassociating and hallucinating andregressing, broke down whenever he was touched, and his guilt for Jack’s comawas destroying him. Then he started asking Jackie to torture him. In a sicksort of way, he wanted to know that people other than Anti could still make himfeel something. Jackie was horrified and he refused to – at least until he gotput under the control of one of his villains and attacked Henrik while he wastreating his injuries.

Schneep almost saw it as a blessing indisguise, since he had wanted Jackie to hurt him in the first place, butJackie was terrified to be anywhere near him afterward, for fear of hurting himagain or worse. It devastated him to know that he was so easily corrupted andturned to hurt his little brother, who had already gone through so much.Speaking of corruption – enter Shawn Flynn. He learned that Jackie was alreadyvulnerable to control and took advantage of it, capturing him, poisoning himwith his ink and debasing him to an ink creature/guard dog. Jackie didn’teven have any concept of who he was.

When the others found him, it took him threedays to detox from going rabid. Schneep locked himself in the room for theentirety of the three days and let Jackie beat him as he pleased until hesnapped out of it. Jackie could barely stand to look at him because of theguilt, but Schneep didn’t leave his side. They rebonded over the course of theweek of “ink withdrawal” that came for Jackie afterward.

They got a few months of relative peace.Schneep recovered enough to get his job back at the hospital, despite hislingering PTSD, and Jackie began charting out his search for Anti again.

And then…

#youtube #jacksepticeye #jackieboy man #dr schneeplestein #timeline #backstory #jackistein #superdrug #answered ask #Anonymous

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writingfromkitchenator · 5 years

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Loki ~ A Thousand Years

A Thousand Years by Christine Perri

600 Followers Challenge!

Requested by Anon.

Words: 1326

Warnings: None?

Loki was known for hiding things, known for lying his way around situations, so, it was thought, that he would lie about his soul mate too.

The fact was, was that Loki had been excited about the words on his wrist, he used to boast about them to anyone that would listen, he couldn’t wait to one day meet the one he would spend the rest of his life with.

But then everything happened, betrayed by those he thought of as his family, and suddenly thrown into a world he didn’t know, he kept those words close to his chest, kept them hidden, and through everything, held onto that one small glimmer of hope.

It would happen. He told himself. I just need to be patient, to keep doing what I’m doing.

But these were private thoughts, he never dared to think down such a path when he was around those he was working with, knowing that the consequences would be dire, and so he felt like he was splitting himself in two.

Coming to Earth, intent on guiding the Chitauri in an invasion, he never thought that it would put him at such a great risk.

He was fighting Captain America, his plan working, Earth’s heroes as predictable as they came when it felt like something grabbed him and threw him back.

“What are you doing here?” He heard the Captain say but didn’t hear your reply. “We told you to stay out of this.”

“I told you he can’t hurt me.” Your voice rang in his ears and Loki froze, every fibre of his being not believing it, despite the fact that he swore his arm was tingling, the words burning under his magic further into his skin. “Asgardian sorcerer or not, I’m not children’s entertainer.”

“No, but you are still a danger.”

“Please-”

“You know that your powers aren’t completely under your control.”

Loki forced himself to look up, to see you for the very first time, and he couldn’t but instantly admire the defiance in your stance.

“Only when I’m riled up, something that you are successfully doing.” You snapped, a deep purple glow within your eyes. “I’m here to help Captain, nothing more.”

With music blaring, that was when Stark arrived and Loki, despite himself, surrendered, not daring to say a word, too afraid of what would happen to you if he did.

His heart raced as you all sat on the ship together, hushed voices talked but you were removed from the conversation, sitting frustrated opposite him.

He wanted to say something, he argued with himself over what he could say, his gaze flicking to your wrists momentarily, even though they were carefully covered.

You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Is there an issue?”

Loki shakes his head, having nothing he wanted to say.

He wasn’t pleased at the arrival of Thor, and didn’t want to admit that he was a little disappointed that you hadn’t come after them, although he had a feeling that you were being restricted by the others for whatever reason.

Thor noticed a change in Loki straight away, but Loki didn’t dare mentioned it, even now, he didn’t want Thor to know, couldn’t let him know, he didn’t know what Thor would do after all this time, even though he was predictable.

They were doing exactly what he wanted them to do, locking him away, but instead of focusing on the task ahead of him, Loki couldn’t stop thinking of you, about what options he had in this and his future.

His heart pounded as the plan carried out on the Helicarrier, as he managed to get away; he couldn’t help but think that he was going the wrong direction, making his stomach knot and wanting to end this retched plan then and there.

But he didn’t, he kept going, watching over the battle that was all going to plan, his hand unusually sweaty on the sceptre, something he wasn't comfortable with, but he wasn't going to let it show.

That was when the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, his gaze snapping around just as there was a massive explosion from one of the Chitauri ships, you sliding to a landing within the room, purple light flowing around you as you turned back and blasted two other ships clean from the air, bits and pieces bouncing around you, but never hitting you, the purple light making sure.

Loki closed his mouth as he realised it was open, staring at you in awe. “That was incredible.”

You turned around quickly, at the ready, but then you froze, your head tilting slightly. “What did you just say?”

His face flushed as he realised what had happened and he swallowed. “That was incredible.”

Your hand flexes at your side. “And yours…”

“I told you he can’t hurt me.” Loki said slowly. “And you are right, I can’t, even if I wanted to.”

Letting out a slow breath, you glance back out the window, to the fighting, before looking back at him. “This…this can’t be happening now, right? We can’t be…I mean…we’re on opposite sides…”

Loki shrugs. “Doesn’t look so different from where I am standing. You look just as underestimated as I am.”

“That’s…that’s hardly fair.” You said slowly and then shake your head. “Look, I came up here to stop you, you can’t…we can’t…”

But Loki could tell that there was nothing you could do. You were helpless with him just as he was helpless with you.

The two of you stood there in silence, unsure of what to do next, when it was interrupted by the Hulk breaking in through another window, heading straight for Loki.

You reacted before you even thought about it, blocking the path between them. “Hulk, no!”

Hulk stopped just before you, breathing hard and clearly not happy about being stopped.

“Leave him.” You said. “You are not to hurt him.”

Loki knew a second before it happened that it wasn’t going to work, Hulk hitting you out of the way, Loki shouting, even as Hulk leapt at him.

Hulk was blasted away by a ball of purple light, sending him flying from building and Loki looked at you, breathing hard from where you’d been hit against the wall, the purple light dying around you even as you crouched there, your hand still outstretched.

He was by your side in an instant, helping you sit properly, even as you winced and held your chest.

“It’s good to know my limits I guess.” You growled. “Never thought it would be taking a hit like that though.”

Loki couldn’t help himself, he chuckled, making you look at him, but give a huff of a laugh in return.

“I guess I’ve made it clear now, huh?”

Loki smiles, brushing your hair back from your face and cupping your cheek. “All alone I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me and I will love you for a thousand years. I will love you for a thousand more. No matter what path our lives may take.”

You lean into his hand with a smile. “Glad to know you are corny. Let’s save that until we are away from here, shall we?”

“Did you have a plan for that darling?”

He helps you to your feet. “Well, first, we’re going to close that portal, then I’m going to teleport us out of here and somewhere far away.”

“You can do that?” He asked, a little surprised.

You smirk. “Trust me, I can do lots of things. I’m sure that we both have a lot to learn about each other.” When he raises an eyebrow, you laugh a little. “They may have always been worried about my abilities, but that does not mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Loki grins. “One thing at a time then?”

Nodding, you squeeze his hand and the two of you move outside.

#marvel #loki #loki x reader #short #drabbles #600 followers challenge

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crimes-and-gelato · 5 years

Text

Only Half a Blue Sky (Chapter Three)

Rating: M Pairings: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Chapter Title: Hooked on a Feeling

A/N: First and foremost, thank you to aoifelaufeyson for beta reading this at the last minute. Thanks a massive, dear. :) And of course, all remaining mistakes are still mine.It was Leez's idea actually for the plot to go like this: with Bucky learning that he's Tony's soulmate before Tony learning that he's Bucky's soulmate, too. Because she's brilliant. So, it's all thanks to her.We change POV on this chapter. Two new POVs: Nat and Bucky's. Since, we're gonna deal with a Bucky POV, you should be warned that he's going to go through some depressing thought about his Winter Soldier days. And as for Nat's part, it's going to have some mentions of Howard's A+ parenting, which I will probably add in the tag as well.Okay, I talked waaaay too much. Thank you for being here, if you're still here. Let's get on with the show. :))

“Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.” -Kait Rokowski

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks of these awkward evasive dance from James and Tony. Natasha’s sure Steve hasn’t noticed yet, he’s too busy focusing on James’ rehabilitation and Avenger business to have detected this game of avoidance between his two best friends. But she saw it.

The two didn’t start up great with how they have Maria’s death between them. And she was sure there won’t be anything more between them besides trying to be civil with each other for Steve’s sake. But of course, he’s Tony Stark and he plans to prove her wrong with how generous he can be with his kindness and forgiveness to those who deserve it.

Natasha’s a testament to Tony’s generosity even after she betrayed his trust, and wrote down words about him that she can never take back all because Fury wanted her to push Tony’s button. The evaluation was all scripted because she somehow got a glimpse of the real Tony Stark in the days she acted as his secretary.

Yes, he’s egotistical but only when he’s trying to annoy people and push their buttons, or when he’s trying to hide the fact that he has a heart and cares too much about how others perceive him. Howard Stark might have been the main root of all the self-doubt he covers up with dramatic performances as he’d heard snippets of Tony’s childhood from the man himself.

Unfortunately, the senior Stark wanted Tony to be a man who should only focus on important things like creating an outstanding future with robotics and science, anything that’s unrelated to both are considered unnecessary. Feelings for example will only get in the way of progress and brilliance, Howard said. And Tony, being the sensitive person that he truly is despite all the hard layers he hides under, had a hard time trying to fulfill his father’s wishes.

And Tony never has, he tells Natasha so. That’s why everything he does will never be good enough, because all his life all he had heard from Howard was how he was never good enough. Stark men are made of iron and Tony’s not there yet, his father implied constantly when he was still alive.

Even when Howard’s rotting in his grave for more than two decades now, Tony continues to carry around the man’s expectation. If Natasha could bring Howard back from the dead, she’d stab him a couple times for all the pain he brought on his son. But she can’t do that, all she can do is help Tony see that he’s a far greater man than his father ever will.

Both she and Tony had started on the wrong foot, but they have come far away from that awful beginning of lies and manipulations. Now that they have both come clean of their masks and bluffs, they’ve discovered how much they have in common and they draw strength in that as they rely on each other.

By far Tony’s one of the three people she will trust with her life. First has to be Clint, then Pepper, and then the genius. Maybe Coulson too and Steve. It’s a very short list because it’s hard to get on it. They all need to pass by several tests and personal issues first.

Now, Tony’s acting all weird around James. She’s curious and concerned about this sudden change in their dynamic when a few weeks ago Tony couldn't stop talking about James’ arm and all he planned to do with it, and sometimes when he forgets himself he gushes over the super soldier’s strength and physique. And it’s cute. She can tell he has a crush that he tries to hide but he fails at times when he has this fond and nostalgic smile on his lips when he talks about the James he saw on the old reels.

What’s not cute is the fact that Tony shouldn’t go on with this infatuation because it’s only set on heartaches. She doesn’t want that for him. Never. He’s been hurt too much and deserved better.

She observes from a distance and tries to figure out if Tony had suddenly realised that he had feelings for James that will never be reciprocated and is now doing his very best to keep away from the super soldier.

But then, James is also acting bizarre. The ex-assassin keeps glancing at the genius when Tony isn’t looking. And there’s something about the gaze that’s somehow translates to longing. The why is still blank. She needs to investigate further.

It’s one thing for Tony to avoid James. But it’s another for James to avoid Tony as well but still look at the engineer like he’s itching to touch him and be near him.

Bizarre. Her family is confusing. It’s actually interesting as well. Better than all the spy mission that Fury sends her these days.

Natasha sits down on her usual breakfast chair in the kitchen and watches quietly as James digs holes behind Tony’s back in the living room. The billionaire has his back on the sofa, facing the window that looks out over Manhattan as he talks to someone on the phone in French. Even from this view she can appreciate his form that's perfectly fitted into a charcoal grey suit. She wonders if that’s also the reason why James’ is looking far too many times than should be normal.

What’s it with these super soldiers and Tony? She’s not even going to mention how Steve has the same look towards the resident engineer. Really interesting.

She sips her coffee and formulates a plan to get answers. She might not be a scientist, but she’s not against experiments is all.

Tony is a very tactile person, and even more so when he’s exhausted or when he’s lost in his science thoughts. These are the perfect moments to cuddle with him without him being so damn defensive about being snuggled because ‘I’m a grown ass man, Natasha .’

And yes, she had mentioned a lot of times that she doesn’t like to be embraced as well. Especially in public, and how any show of emotion or affection makes her defensive, too. But she gives an exception to Tony. Because he’s Tony.

At first, she was wary of Tony. Of anyone for that matter. She doesn’t want to get attached because she’s a spy, an assassin, a seductress. In short, someone who’s not made — the Red Room guaranteed that — for permanent domesticity because they’re weapons first, and people last.

They’re only people when the work needed them to be. But it’s all a façade in the end because they will always come back to their original role: a weapon. It’s their function. It’s how they were brought up to think.

Not anymore for her. Thanks to SHIELD. But habits stick and so does the brainwashing, and everything else that’s been fed to her from the moment she was able to understand words and orders.

So, she’s always cautious. She doesn’t want to get attached.

But she did, because it’s Tony. The genius is an idiot who has sacrificial tendencies engraved into his bone that’s borderline —nine out of ten — exasperating. And also, because he’s funny and different.

And as time moved further they grew to gravitate towards each other for comfort often enough that it became a habit. One she doesn’t want to depart with because she likes being close to Tony. He feels safe. And safe in their line of work is scarce. And what’s rarer is her finding someone she can trust like she trust him. So that’s that.

‘Now, that Tony’s here we have to start with the whole Star Wars saga,’ Clint announces. ‘Since Barnes hasn’t seen them yet.’

It’s the first team movie night that Tony is attending since James arrived. And she already made sure that the seat next to her will be empty so the engineer can have it. She usually sits with Clint, but he’s sitting next to Sam, Steve’s veteran friend.

Before James’ arrival, Steve and Tony have always sat together because Cap’s the only one who can tolerate the genius’ unnecessary — and most of the time, funny — commentary. Cap always smiles on Tony’s jokes during movie nights.

It’s ridiculous and silly how they both get along so well — although they do tend to rile each other up at times. Still, they work together in perfect synchronization that at one point she believed that they must be soulmates or something. But Cap is bonded to James (who was believed to be dead at the time). So, is it possible for him to have another soulmate? Because that’s the only explanation she can come up with with how much Steve and Tony complement each other.

Their science hasn’t explained much about soulmates and the other mysteries about it. By far, the only law about it is someone mentioning your name or your preferred name and then your bonded.

Thinking back now, she’s still curious on whether Steve and Tony could have been soulmates? Is that even possible? They both continue to steal glimpses of each other, only now it’s more like of the glances that James is throwing at Tony.

What is up with these three?

‘I don’t know,’ Bruce inserts, taking his place next to Thor, who’s currently eating pop tarts. ‘Do we really want to start another long discussion about Luke Skywalker?’

‘The new Star Wars then?’ Clint offers.

Bruce shakes his head with a soft smile. ‘Clint, you’re not the one who’s going to have to listen to him soliloquy about Poe.’

‘Fine.’ He rolls his eyes sarcastically. ‘What do we watch then?’

‘ Mamma Mia !’ Thor bellows excitedly. ‘I have great likeness when Friend Anthony sings along to the hymns. It reminds me of home after winning a battle when me and my companions feast and the bards plays a tune we can all carol to.’

‘This is absurd,’ Tony exclaims as he enters the room. ‘That was one time, Point Break.’ He sternly glares at Thor, mockingly. ‘I trusted that you’d keep that secret close to heart and guard it with your life. But no, you have to unravel these happenings behind my back where I cannot defend my honour.’

‘I apologise, my good friend,’ Thor amends, smiling and looking far from apologetic. ‘You have a fantastic voice that needs to be shared and heard by our friends.’

Tony’s gaze wanders for two seconds on the seat next to Cap that James occupies. But the engineer immediately darts his eyes away and proceeds to the empty one next to Natasha.

She wants to say it’s not hurt she saw in Tony’s eyes when he surreptitiously glances at the two super soldiers. But clearly it’s a little bit of that because he’s suddenly all stiff and talkative as he sits down next to her.

‘And no, we cannot watch Mamma Mia just to please Point Break,’ he announces. ‘That was only a one time occasion because he was homesick and moping around.’ He leans further into Natasha’s side. ‘If it’s all the same to you guys, we should go with Twilight .’

Everyone makes an exasperated groan, except for James, who doesn’t have any idea about the turmoil ahead of them.

‘Oh please, at least they had great casting,’ Tony chides. ‘Not like you-know-who creator.’

‘You only like it because you think Dr. Cullen is hot,’ Clint retorts back and throws a popcorn at Tony.

‘Wait, I thought you said you watch it because of Alice?’ Steve interjects, turning to the genius.

Tony only shrugs at the blond and stares ahead on the wide TV screen. ‘J, put on some Twilight , please.’

There’s another series of displease voices as the room darkens further and the screen bursts into life. And as on cue, Tony curls more into Natasha’s side when the lights dim.

Solely on instinct, she wraps her arm on his shoulder to pull him closer to her as he lets out a quiet, satisfied sigh. Their whole side glued together as they get comfortable in their position.

Bella’s narrating the opening scene when Natasha feels being watched. And she knows she is because her instincts tells her so, and her instincts are always ninety-eight percent correct. So, she looks around subtly to investigate.

Viola! It’s James.

The two super soldiers are across them, just on the other end of the U-shape couch. She and Tony are on the other end with Sam and Clint in the middle.

And yes, that’s James secretly throwing a glare at her and Tony. The engineer on the other hand seems to be oblivious, concentrating on the movie. Steve is also watching the screen along with everyone else that is not her or James.

Why is James so mad at Tony?

She meets his eyes because she won’t stand it that he’s trying to threaten the engineer. James have to go through her first. Or her through him. She’s opting for the latter.

When James is caught, he looks away immediately. He didn’t seem chastise that she scowls back at him. He looks away, but there’s that annoyance in his features as he turns his eyes back towards the screen.

She’s going to ask Tony later if James is threatening him. She’s not going to let James bully Tony in his own household. She doesn’t care what Steve says.

Appeased with her decision to talk to James later about his attitude towards their resident genius, she also begins to watch the movie and pulls Tony even closer into her side.

And just as expected, Tony made a running commentary about the movie. But halfway through he’s out like a light and is leaning peacefully into Natasha’s chest, where he snores slightly. She’d had a mission these last two days and he made sure to snatch the opportunity to defy his regulated sleeping schedule. Even Bruce couldn’t drag him out of his workshop.

So, it’s no surprise at all to have him exhausted and asleep at any given time of stillness.

She’s petting his hair softly, loving how it curls at the end. She also likes the low mewls he makes when she cards her fingers through his hair. She’ll say he sounds like a cat, but she won’t tell him that because he’s going to pout and will only make him more adorable.

How she loves these few moments of vulnerability from him. He looks so peaceful like this, younger than when he’s awake and ready to fight anything that he thought was wrong.

Somehow, having him like this in her arms kicks off a bit of her maternal instincts. It’s a part of her that she doesn’t show often, that she refuses to. Only in times like this when it’s dark, when she it’s just them.

She looks up to the screen again to where Bella’s on Edward’s back and jumping from tree to tree like a couple of idiots. That’s when she senses it again; the presence of someone watching her.

She turns and there’s James again: staring. He doesn’t glare this time. His feature is cross between incredulity and hurt. He also seems to have not notice her watching him because his eyes aren’t fix on her. No, those blue grey eyes are laser focus on Tony.

James whole face is a picture of longing. And she’s not sure why is that. Why does he keep looking at Tony like that? It doesn’t add up to the theory she has in her head.

Taking himself back into sanity has not been an easy journey, just ask his therapist and the amount of tea he has at 2am when he doesn’t want to go back to sleep because the nightmares continue to unravel — one after another — once he closes his eyes. Not that being awake helps him forget the faces of the people he killed, but he’s trying to humour himself.

And his conscience doesn’t take it too well when he wakes Steve up when he starts screaming in his sleep. They’ve decided to sleep in separate rooms before when Bucky’s just healing up. Now they sleep in the same room, but still on different beds.

He wants to think that it’s Steve’s presence that keeps most his nightmares away. It might be the whole soulmate thing. Only that, it’s still difficult for them both when it comes to waking Bucky from his nightmares. Five times had he managed to punch Steve in the face. Twice had he choked his lover. And there are a few more instances that he wants to forget.

His therapist tells him it’s normal. That he should not worry too much. That he’s doing his best. And that he’s getting better.

On the first few weeks he wanted to ask his therapist, Sasha, about the last one. He’s getting better. But when? When is he going to fully recover? When will he stop sleeping under the bed at times he doesn’t feel safe to sleep on his mattress even when he had checked the door four times to know that it is completely locked, with JARVIS assuring him that he is safe.

He screamed at her a few times on days he can’t help himself. Those were during the first few weeks of therapy. They were the toughest days. The longest days, too.

He had long accepted now that healing takes time. He knows it before but he doesn’t have the right presence of mind to learn to accept it. He’s still trying to do so on his bad days. And Christ, there will always be bad days.

The bad days are fewer now. He’s glad they are. But they are still there, there’s no way he’s going to forget, or that his demons will ever not remind him. At least it isn’t always going to be bad days even when he's constantly awake at the wee hours of the morning.

But these last weeks he’s been awake at some forsaken early hour for a different reason. The nightmares still come but with the help of therapy they’re scarcer than they were before.

The reason why he’s drinking tea at 2am this time around is because of Tony. Who knew such a harmless looking man could contest his nightmares at keeping him up. He wants to complain but he prefers this over his usual turmoil.

At the back of his head he can hear Sasha’s voice telling him to talk to someone. Communication is a key in fixing Bucky’s usual problems. And he should probably listen to that small voice.

It’s not like he hasn’t tried. God, for the last two weeks — blending into three now — he had tried to say something to Steve. He can tell that Steve knows he’s anxious about something. But well, Bucky’s constantly troubled about everything — thank you very much, HYDRA assholes — so Steve won’t push him to open up unless Bucky wants to.

He really needs to talk to Steve about it because it’s eating him up. It makes him feel guilty and he’s actually surprise there’s still room in him to feel guilty about something else other than taking the lives of those innocent people HYDRA had told him to eliminate.

Natasha already noticed him acting weird. And it’s going to take a spy of her calibre to find out his dirty little secret. And when she does, she’s going to tell Tony and Steve. Steve will be heartbroken. And Tony? Well, the engineer’s probably going to kick him out of his home.

Just two nights ago Natasha had warned him to stay away from Tony — and he’s trying isn’t he? — or else she’s going to do some very interesting things with his anatomy that would put HYDRA’s torture to shame. And he believes her. She had been his pupil before, one of the best he’d taught by far.

His mental health is once again in jeopardy all because of one single man. One beautiful, smart, kind man.

‘I’m starting to think I should keep a tracking device on you,’ a voice states, startling Bucky from his internal tumult.

He looks up and finds the very man that’s adding to his insomnia: Tony Stark.

The man yawns reluctantly and hides it at the back of his hand. He’s all sleepy eyes and bedhead hair, all soft and at ease. It makes Bucky want to reach out and touch his warm skin because he feels so cold all of the sudden. Tony looks very warm.

‘Why you up, Robocop?’ the engineer asks. He walks tiredly towards the coffee machine and turns it on. ‘Do you want some coffee?’

‘No,’ he answers and continues on staring at his now empty cup of tea.

The silence blankets around them with only the coffee machine breaking its wake. It’s awkward, he’s not sure if Tony notices or if he minds. But Bucky wants to fill it with something. A question that’s been bugging him since his last few days of observation, and especially after the team movie night.

Although, he isn’t in the right place to ask anything — especially not personal — he’s itching to do so. There’s no settling in peace unless he can voice out his query because it’s digging deep into his bones, his mind, his soul. He needs answers.

The problem is: he’s afraid to ask. Afraid to have his hunch confirm. Afraid of the truth that lies ahead.

Jesus Christ, his life is hard.

‘Are you okay?’ Tony inquires worriedly that brings Bucky out of his headspace.

‘What?’ he asks dumbly, confuse as to why all the sudden concern.

‘Shit!’ The engineer grabs something and dabs it softly on Bucky’s hand. On Bucky’s flesh hand that is, which at the moment is bleeding. ‘Oh shit!’

It’s not that painful, is what Bucky thinks as he sees the blood on the light grey breakfast bar from where he had broken the cup he was holding. He only glances it for a few seconds knowing that it will heal in a while. Super soldier serum benefits. His eyes fleet to Tony though, who is more awake now with how he’s panicking at the sight of Bucky’s blood.

‘I’m sorry for running your table,’ he mumbles weakly, feeling guilty for the bloody table and Tony’s concern for cleanliness.

‘What?’ Now, it’s Tony who’s in disbelief. ‘Are you seriously apologising for bleeding?’

Bucky looks away from those brown eyes, not wanting to see them morphing from disbelief to disgust or anger. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll clean it up.’

There’s a short pause. A short time where Bucky expects Tony to say sarcastically ‘Well, I certainly hope so.’ But instead, there’s a warm finger on his jaw making him face Tony.

And how on earth was Tony so close to him. He’s so near that Bucky can count the genius’ long lashes that frames those beautiful hazel eyes, now burning with concern. Why should Tony be concern about him? The genius should be disgusted to touch him; the skin of his parents' murderer.

‘It’s okay,’ Tony soothes, his other hand on Bucky’s good shoulder, touching Bucky instead of being mad because he's Tony. Kind and generous Tony who forgives, and sees everyone else's redeeming qualities rather than their flaws. ‘You shouldn’t apologise for something you can’t help.’

Bucky’s not sure anymore if this is still about the cup or something else. Something else like the death of Tony’s parents which he had a hand with.

‘But I should,’ he whispers weakly. ‘Right?’ He meets those conflicting brown eyes.

Tony removes his finger on Bucky’s face like he’s remembering that he’s not suppose to touch. Then the other hand goes as well — awkwardly.

And he suddenly misses Tony’s warmth.

‘Yes,’ he answers firmly. ‘But not forever.’ There’s resolve in his eyes now as if he’s trying to convince someone. Maybe Bucky? Maybe himself? Bucky doesn’t have the courage to ask.

Except. He has the audacity to ask, ‘So, you and Natasha, huh?’

‘What?’ Tony’s so surprise by the question he takes a step back away from Bucky like he’s been physically threatened by the simple query. ‘What do you mean me and Natasha?’ His eyes narrow, meaning he’s suspicious and about to be defensive.

Huh, when did he start to learn these little Tony quirks? Bucky tells himself that it’s because he’s a trained spy and old habits are hard to shake off. But also, a smaller part of him knows that that is a fucking huge lie because he’s been following and observing Tony these last two weeks after the whole incident .

‘Nothing,’ he replies. ‘Just wanna know since when? And how?’ He cleans the table top with the piece of cloth he’s been handed. The laceration is closing and looking like it's a week old.

Tony lets out an exasperated sigh and runs a hand over his face. ‘Where do these sudden questions come from?’ He’s got two hands on his hips now, sounding defensive as expected.

He shrugs. ‘Just curious.’ He turns on the faucet and rinses the cloth with blood, running the water red. He deliberately avoids meeting Tony’s eyes, playing nonchalant when he’s actually burning with curiosity as to Tony’s relationship with the other spy.

‘Curious of what, Barnes?’ Natasha asks, emerging from the shadows unexpectedly. She’s giving him that threatening look again. The one that could make a lesser person cower. And Bucky’s not immune to it either.

Bucky doesn’t cower though, even when he knows he should because only fools rush in. But he needs answers once and for all. He can’t take another second not knowing what exactly is the relationship between Natasha and Tony.

‘Curious as to when and how did you know that Stark is your soulmate,’ he replies, taking on those dangerous green eyes.

Tony ungracefully chokes on his coffee. And within a flash Natasha’s there beside the genius to help him out, rubbing a sympathetic hand on his back as he wheezes air back into his wind pipes.

She’s so careful with the engineer; Bucky can see that. And Tony’s calm with her; Bucky’s jealous of that.

He looks away, afraid he’ll break something else with how much annoyed he is with the current predicament. Because why is he jealous? He shouldn’t be jealous. He has Steve, whom he needs to talk to, or else he’ll go crazy with this insane secret he’s been hiding for two weeks now.

He can probably keep his mouth shut for a longer amount of time. But that won’t do great with his mental health, which is one of his top priorities right now.

Besides, it’s getting harder and harder to hide his secret with Tony around, all kind and generous and soft and beautiful, and everything Bucky should not crave for. He shouldn’t because he has Steve. And he needs to mend his relationship with Steve.

Steve who is his soulmate. Steve whom he was willing to die for — had died for. Steve who’s willing to die for him, and go through hell and back. Steve whom he loves so much.

And Tony whom he loves almost just the same.

His gone crazy, he thinks, if he’s reached this insane conclusion. He loves Tony? It can’t be. Right? He can’t. He shouldn’t because he loves Steve. He’s bonded to Steve. And he doesn’t know Tony like he knows Steve.

Right?

But he does know Tony. Or is getting to know him.

Tony who would choose to save someone else over himself. Tony’s who’s always showing off to mask his insecurities. Tony who keeps all the Iron Man drawing he receives from his fans. Tony who makes time to go to children’s hospital and secretly pay off the bills of those who can’t. Tony who’s not flawless but tries to make amends when he can.

So, maybe he does know Tony. A little.

Also, he already knows Tony is kind, generous, smart, snarky, brave and gorgeous. And when he laughs — truly laughs, not like the ones he does for show— it’s small but deep and hearty like nothing in the world had ever been wrong. It’s beautiful, just like the man himself. Bucky wants to hear Tony laugh some more.

There’s so much more about the genius that he wants to uncover. And he wants, too. Very much.

So, yes, he’s fucked.

#stuckony #steve x tony #tony x bucky #bucky x steve #fanfic #winteriron #stony #stucky #marvel fanfic #only half a blue sky

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