#I don’t know if people are gonna like that
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changeover || art donaldson x reader ; patrick zweig x reader
Rating: Explicit (18+)
Word Count: 7.2k
Warnings: SMUT (p in v sex x2, fingering, f!recieving oral), drinking, pining after people you can’t have, a dash of reader x tashi, sprinkles of patrick x art, porn WITH plot
Summary: your ‘casual’ fling with art isn’t working for you anymore, which sucks because you probably love the guy. enter a freshly heartbroken patrick to take your mind off of things.
FALL 2006
You knew exactly why Art Donaldson refused to acknowledge that you were an item. You could see it clearly across the room— the way you were cast to the shadows while he followed Tashi around like a lost puppy.
It made sense, even if it made your chest ache. Tashi was gorgeous, and was acing her classes, and was going to go pro soon and become a beautiful, all-American sports icon. And you were just some girl he’d met because he needed help understanding the reading for class.
You’d known each other for months by then— hooking up, going on dates that ‘weren’t dates,’ spending most of your time together. And you stayed firmly in the no-labels zone. But you weren’t bitter. It was totally fine, being treated like a girlfriend in all but name.
Art laughed and leaned into Tashi. It was totally fine.
You were nursing a beer in a red solo cup and trying your best to look friendly and approachable. The only reason you were even at the party was because Art had brought you, so you should’ve felt grateful. You should’ve been having fun.
But just as soon as you’d arrived, he’d slipped away with a promise to be right back. It had been over an hour, so it seemed like you had very different definitions of right back.
“Looks like your boyfriend stole my girlfriend.” You turned to see Patrick, tanned from his time on tour. He was only going to be at Stanford for the weekend before taking off for a challenger a state over, which meant he needed to capitalize on any chance to spend time with Art and Tashi.
Unfortunately, you’d both been ditched.
“Art isn’t my boyfriend,” you said pointedly, maybe a little too quickly.
Patrick knew better. The last time he came to visit, he’d interrupted a pseudo date night between the two of you (which was a nice way of saying he walked in on the two of you in Art’s dorm while his best friend was was knuckles deep in you). The rest of that night wound up being spent passing around mixed drinks made with cheap vodka and whatever you could get from the nearest vending machine. You overheard the it’s casual, nothing serious conversation they’d had through the ajar door while you bought more Powerade and Red Bull in the hall.
But you were being so understanding and cool about that.
Patrick narrowed his eyes slightly. “Really?” The corner of his mouth tugged upwards for a moment before he wrapped his lips around a beer can. He tried to hide it, but you saw.
You chewed on your lip, stomach twisting with nerves and curiosity. He was probably just messing with you, trying to get your thoughts all muddled up about Art because it was fun. Still, you couldn’t help but ask the burning question echoing through your mind. “Did Art say something to you? About us, I mean.”
The question felt pathetic. A stupid, desperate girl begging to know if the guy she liked felt the same way.
Patrick shrugged, leaning against the wall bearing the portraits of the ghosts of frat brothers’ past. “Not directly. But you’re here together, right? And he’s still seeing you.”
“I guess,” you replied with a huff, embarrassment burning hot in your chest.
“If you’re worried about Tashi, don’t be,” Patrick said, sparing a glance in her direction. When you looked towards Art, and the way he was smiling and laughing and looked so natural beside her, a frown turned your lips. Patrick nudged your arm and offered a smile. “Hey, I’m serious. Nothing’s gonna happen there. Trust me.”
It should’ve felt nice. A total reassurance from the person who knew Art best. But it did nothing to quell the turmoil twisting in the pit of your stomach. Because if he really did feel that way, why was he over there with her?
Tashi Duncan. So beautiful, radiant, and perfect that she had total control over two men. Your paths didn’t cross much, outside of Art, and that was rare since he liked to keep you two apart.
But there was a part of you that knew that Tashi would’ve been able to make you melt with one look, one smile, one word. You wanted to experience what Art did. You wanted to know what Patrick knew, and what Art was jealous of. Or maybe you wanted something of your own too, something to keep Art out of.
“I need another drink,” you said suddenly, meeting Patrick’s gaze. “Do you wanna come with me?” Patrick’s eyes flitted quickly towards Tashi, where she bantered with Art and the rest of the tennis team.
There was something in his expression you found incredibly familiar. That pang of jealousy. The ache of not belonging just right. The look was gone quickly, replaced by a toothy smile. “Sure. I could use something stronger.”
——
An hour later, Tashi left with Patrick, and Art quickly decided to take you back to his own dorm.
His lips were insistent against yours, kissing you hungrily, completely dissonant to the delicate way he tugged down the zipper of your dress. His fingers were warm where they brushed along the line of your spine. His tongue brushed against yours, tasting of beer and mint gum.
“What were you doing with him?” He murmured against your lips just as he peeled off the cheap, bodycon dress you’d gotten from Forever 21. It was tossed across the room, to be lost in the mess of practice duffles and empty water bottles and dirty laundry. The only time he parted his lips from you was to lift you onto his bed and slot himself between your thighs.
His tongue licked into your mouth possessively, claiming you as his from the inside out. You gasped as one of his hands kneaded your breast, panting open-mouthed against his lips. “Who?” You managed weakly, your mind completely blank except for Art, Art, Art. And maybe a tiny voice in the back of your head that was still thinking about the Tashi of it all.
“Patrick.” His voice was soft against the tender skin of your jaw. “I saw you two talk, then you disappeared for, like, an hour.” His teeth nipped gently at your pulse point as he nuzzled against your throat, awaiting your answer.
So he had been watching? He was with her, but he was still thinking about you. It made your heart flutter. You moaned softly as his hand slid between your thighs, teasing you through your panties. “Getting drinks,” you managed feebly. “Fuck, Art, I can’t concentrate while y—“
You gasped at the feeling of his fingers slipping beneath the band of your panties, teasing you with delicate touches. “Just drinks? For an hour?”
A strangled gasp escaped you as fingers slick with your arousal met your clit. When your eyes opened in surprise, you found Art staring right back. His touch was relentless, flooding your senses with pleasure as he demanded an answer. “We were in the living room,” you managed between soft pants and moans. “He was telling me about the— god— about the tour.”
Art’s expression flickered slightly— a tiny furrow forming between his brows. Was it doubt, or possessiveness, or anger? Before you could figure it out, his lips were against your throat, your panties were pushed to the side, and he was easing two fingers inside of your cunt.
“Fuck,” you cried out, grasping onto his shoulders. French manicured nails scratched at the pastel-colored polo he wore— why was he still wearing his clothes? Soft, keening moans slipped past your lips as he fucked you with his fingers. Every thought of him preferring Tashi or him leading you on slipped from the front of your mind as his thumb rubbed at your clit.
With a free hand, you palmed him over his pants, relishing in the way he panted against your warm skin. You made quick work of the button of his jeans— you knew your way around him like the back of your hand. He was warm, pulsing in your delicate grip when your hand slipped beneath the band of his briefs. Slick at his tip with need.
He moaned against your pulse point, nuzzling against you as you began to jerk him off in time with each pump of his fingers.
“You smell like him,” he groaned, nose pressed to the spot just beneath your ear as his hips bucked into your fist with a new sort of desperation. You didn’t have to ask who he meant. His tongue slipped out, lapping at you briefly before sucking a bruise into the delicate skin there.
His fingers flexed so they brushed against the sweet spot within you. Your eyes rolled back and a sob of pleasure clawed its way from your throat. “Need you,” you pleaded, equal parts a thoughtless cry and a demand.
And who was he to deny either of you that? A pitiful whine escaped your lips when he slipped his fingers from within you and moved your hand from him. He stood to clumsily pull off the rest of his clothes at the same time that you quickly shimmied off your panties and tossed them to the side.
”You’re so fucking sexy,” he groaned as he joined you back on the bed, slotting himself between your legs. You were so pliant and sweet beneath him, looking up at him with adoring doe-eyes and a pretty smile on your spit-slick lips. He should’ve been perfectly content.
As he parted your thighs, stroking his dick as he lined himself up with your entrance, he wondered if Tashi and Patrick were doing the same exact thing at that same exact moment. He could imagine it clearly— Tashi, splayed out on her bed, and Patrick right at home between her thighs; sinking in, faces contorting with pleasure. Before he could stop himself, a soft moan slipped past his lips at the mental image.
Your nails dug into his shoulder blades as he sheathed himself within you, and he buried his face into your neck. Fuck. You really did smell like Patrick. The shitty Axe body spray that was supposed to smell like chocolate, and the lingering scent of cigarettes.
You moaned prettily, pussy squeezing him like a vise. Manicured nails scratched against his back, delicate enough that the marks would probably disappear by that time the next day. He was so used to Patrick lounging shirtless around their hotel rooms after tournaments— severe-looking scratch marks looking like angel wings against his pale skin. He always wore them like a badge of honor the night after he snuck off with some pretty girl he’d set his sights on. That’s how you know you’re doing it right.
Why was he thinking about Patrick?
He tried to lose himself in you— in how pretty you were beneath him, the sweet words falling from your lips with each thrust. Feels so good, Art. ‘M so close already. Gonna make me cum.
When he looked down at you, your mouth hung open, lips shiny with spit, begging to be kissed. His mouth met yours messily and you both moaned into the kiss. He moved a hand between your thighs, rubbing at your clit as he bullied his cock into your inviting cunt.
You came with a string of moans and expletives that made the person next door bang on the wall out of annoyance. Art had to pull out as soon as he felt you start to squeeze around him. All it took was a few clumsy strokes and he was spilling onto your stomach with an almost embarrassing whine.
You both lay there catching your breath and cursing the shitty air conditioning in the dorm. He wiped the mess of cum off of your stomach with an old tee shirt that was hanging off the side of his desk and tossed it to the side to be dealt with later.
“You’re so gross,” you mumbled with a tiny laugh, reaching down to grab your underwear from your floor. After you pulled them back on, you watched him dig through a pile of clothes in a papasan chair for a passable pair of pajama pants. An amused smile played on your lips at the sight. “Do I need to buy you a hamper?”
He held up a pair of pajama pants to examine them, shrugged, and pulled them on. “I have one, it’s just full.” A boyish grin spread across his lips as he crossed the room towards his dresser. He tossed a random tee shirt from the drawer in your direction and climbed on the bed, grinning down at you. “See? I have clean clothes.”
You laughed as you pulled the shirt over your head, then turned on your side to face him. His eyes flickered from your face, down to the shirt, then back. You wrinkled your face in confusion and peered down at the shirt.
“What? What does it say?” You asked with a laugh. You held it out, squinting to make sense of the graphic— faded and upside down. Finally, your eyes lit up in recognition. “Oh! I thought you were more of a Maroon 5 and Justin Timberlake guy. I’ve never even seen a Blink-182 CD in your stuff before.”
Art cleared his throat and shrugged, thumbing the bottom of the tee shirt absentmindedly. “I went with Patrick a few years back.”
A smile turned your lips. “It’s sweet that you two are such good friends.” You reached over, brushing his curls from his forehead. He turned, pressing a kiss to the delicate skin of your wrist. “Did you and Tashi have fun tonight?” The insecurity in your words was palpable.
Art shrugged. “A party’s a party, y’know?” He leaned into your touch, letting you play with his hair. “Just lost track of time. I won’t run off on you next time.”
You chewed your lip shyly. “I think it’d be nice for the three of us to hang out sometime,” you said, watching his expression to gauge his reaction.
“C’mere,” he said with a tired smile, effectively avoiding your suggestion. When he pulled you against his side, he nuzzled his face into the junction of your neck and shoulder. His breath tickled with each exhale, which made you squirm, but every so often he’d place a chaste kiss on the skin there and you’d forget why you wanted to ask him to move.
In the morning, when you woke up to his alarm clock blaring a local radio station, you realized it was the first time he’d let you stay the night.
SPRING 2007
After your second drink, you decided that Art Donaldson had hung you out to dry for the last time. Well, probably the last time.
Most likely not the last time.
Knowing yourself, you’d be clinging to his side like a lost puppy in a few weeks’ time, if you even had the dignity to give it that long. The second his attention turned to you again, you knew you’d be absolutely relishing in the special affection he always gave you when he was experiencing Tashi-related withdrawal.
You were so stupidly in love (or in lust, or in whatever) with him that you’d accept just about anything he could throw at you.
No labels, just casual? Fine. Ignoring you all night then conveniently remembering you exist when he’s horny and ready to go back to his dorm? Whatever. You’re game.
You’d gone to every match, watched a few practices. Helped him study for exams, let him borrow the notecards you’d painstakingly written over the course of the semester. Jesus, you even wrote a few essays for him when his schedule got crowded and he just couldn’t manage.
All you asked in return was a date to a stupid formal, and he ditched you last minute for Tashi. Again. And you couldn’t even get pissed about it without feeling guilty, because she’d fucking gotten injured and it wasn’t her fault that the guy you were into was carrying a torch for her instead.
“You’ve been staring down the Reese’s Pieces for the last five minutes.” The familiar voice startled you from your sulking. The world filtered back in suddenly— the blaring music, the smell of cigarettes and pot, the chatter of people wandering in and out of neighboring dorms. When you turned, Patrick Zweig was leaning against the vending machine beside you, carrying a large Tennis bag and backpack on both of his shoulders. “Do you need five bucks?”
“Shouldn’t you be with Tashi?” You asked, brows furrowed with confusion. “I heard about her match. I just figured that you’d…“ You trailed off as you noticed the thinly veiled kicked-puppy expression he wore. “Oh.”
He swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, that’s… it’s over. Did you want the Reese’s, or not?”
“No,” you shook your head and laughed. “I just needed…” you trailed off. What was it you needed, again?
You needed Art. A date to the formal. You needed to feel desirable and cared for. You needed him to get his head out of his ass and just fucking commit. You needed to tell Art to fuck off and find another groupie. You needed…
“Another drink?” Patrick suggested.
You nodded eagerly like that’s what you’d been thinking all along. “Yes. Another drink.” You paused, glancing at his bags. “Do you want to drop your things in my room first? My roommate is in Iowa, or something. She won’t mind.”
Your dorm was decorated in shades of pink and green, with a ruffled bedspread and faux fur pillows and blankets. You bent down to retrieve two bottles of Smirnoff Ice from a mini fridge. Patrick did his best to look away like a gentleman would.
Well, he did his best. It wasn’t exactly his fault that his options were to look at your tight jeans or the bulletin board above your desk that was essentially an Art Donaldson shrine.
Pretty pink push pins held up a photo of the two of you after one of his matches, both beaming at the camera. Then there were little notes he’d written you in his boyish scrawl. Tickets to movies you’d gone to see and tickets to his matches.
“Here,” you said, drawing his attention back to you, thankfully in an upright position. You’d already popped the bottle caps off the radioactive blue drink you handed him. You were chewing your lip shyly, sweetly. “It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it?”
“What?” He took a drink and nearly grimaced at the sweetness. After he finished it, he’d need to go find something stronger.
You sighed and took a long drink yourself. “I dunno, the whole… thing. Art.” You absentmindedly toyed with the hem of your shirt. “I mean, what girl with any self-respect lets a guy just screw her for months with no commitment?”
“Maybe self-respect is overrated.” He laughed and stepped closer. “Full disclosure? I only came here hoping that I could fuck someone and spend the night in their dorm. Free booze was a plus.”
“We’re in the same boat then,” You said, gazing up at him through your lashes. “We’re both jilted lovers who need a distraction.”
You tilted the bottom of the bottle up, chugging down the contents. When you were done, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and rolled your neck out. “Bottoms up,” you said with a coy smile. “Let’s find something stronger.”
——
An hour later, something by the Pussycat Dolls was blaring through a set of speakers in a darkened common area. You were the fun kind of tipsy, where you started to care less about everyone else and just found yourself buzzed in that light, easy kind of way. You danced to the beat without a care in the world while Patrick sat on the arm of a couch and nursed his beer.
His eyes were glued to your body as you moved, almost hypnotic beneath the red Christmas lights that had been stapled around the ceiling. Your shirt had ridden up, revealing a sliver of stomach that you either didn’t notice or didn’t care to cover up.
The only thought running through his head? Art was a fucking idiot.
You glanced over at him and nodded for him to join you. He didn’t move, so, not one to give up, you joined him over on the couch. When he went for a drink, you tipped up the bottom of the beer can and forced him to finish it, even as it spilled past his lips and down his chin.
“Thanks,” he deadpanned, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.
With a pleased smile, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the middle of the room to dance.
He shook his head as you tried to make him dance— your hands on his hips, pushing and pulling and trying and failing to make him move. “No, no. I don’t dance,” he explained, as firmly as he could stand to be.
“Because you can’t? Or because you think you’re too cool?” You asked, raising a brow. He rolled his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. “C’mon, if you dance, I’ll tell you a secret.”
That did make him laugh. “What are you, five?”
With a shrug, you took his hands into yours and moved them to your hips. There was a hesitance in his touch, at first. But then his fingers splayed against exposed skin, and you were so warm. Your hips began moving to the beat beneath his hands. “See? We’re dancing,” you said, peering up at him through long lashes.
You looked genuinely victorious when he finally started dancing… kind of. It was less of an action and more of an acceptance. It had been abundantly obvious since the moment he walked into your dorm room that you wanted to end the night with him. Maybe it was because you thought it would hurt Art, or maybe it was because he was there and he was feeling the exact same things you were.
He’d done his best to resist out of some lingering sense that he could repair things with Tashi, and the hope that maybe Art’s spite would fade and they’d be friends again.
Despite skipping the whole college thing, Patrick wasn’t an idiot. He knew better. The second Tashi fell on that court, both of those doors slammed in his face.
And you were so close to him that he could smell the liquor on your breath. And Victoria’s Secret body spray. Mostly the liquor, though. He was barely moving, but you— you were something else. Hips moving against the thigh he’d slotted between your legs, arms trailing up his chest so you could sling them around his neck, pulling yourself impossibly closer. Even though you were grinding against each other like two horny middle-schoolers at their first dance, he’d had enough to drink that he didn’t really give a fuck. When he moved his hands from your hips to grab your ass, you gasped and laughed like it was the best thing in the world.
Your body moved so effortlessly that anything he could have possibly done would’ve looked clunky and clumsy. He groaned when you brushed against him just right, and he could tell by your smug expression that you knew exactly how you were affecting him.
You leaned in, chest to chest. “Can I tell you the secret now?” You whispered, lips brushing against the line of his jaw. He swallowed hard and nodded. “I think it’d be a bad idea for us to fuck. We’re both in a bad place.”
“Mhmm. Bad idea,” he echoed. He wanted to reach out and grab your jaw, to tilt your face up and kiss you. One of your hands had slipped beneath the hem of his (Tashi’s) shirt, just barely teasing the skin there. It made him shiver and lean into the heat of your touch.
“But I still want to.” You sounded so earnest, so needy. Like you’d take anything he’d give you and thank him for it. “We can use each other to feel better, right? Just a nice, warm body and a rush of dopamine.”
It was exactly what Patrick had come to the fucking dorm rager for. To feel wanted and desired. For someone to look at him like he wasn’t actively failing at the one thing he was supposed to be the best at.
But he was good at other things.
You guided him through the crowded hallway, way more packed than they had been before you’d started dancing. It was getting later, more people were falling for the siren song of R&B and beer. You were a siren of a different making— with much more dangerous consequences than a hangover.
It almost felt wrong to be back in your innocent, frilly little dorm with the intention of fucking your brains out. But the looks you were giving him were enough proof that he wasn’t the only pervert. Before you could get too far, he pinned you up against the door, displacing a dry-erase calendar in the process.
You glanced down, eyes flitting towards the hearts around tomorrow’s date, anticipating the formal that Art had flaked on. Without looking back, you kicked the dry-erase board out of the way, a problem for later.
His lips met yours in a messy clash— teeth knocking slightly until you found a rhythm with each other. Patrick Zweig kissed like he’d been at war for fucking years and had just returned home. He kissed like he had crawled out of the desert and the only promise of water could be found on your tongue.
You’d never been kissed with that level of need and desperation— that desire— and you fucking loved it. The taste of his tongue licking into your mouth, the rumble of a moan against your own lips.
His hands were moving beneath your shirt, pushing it up as he went. A pretty whine slipped past your spit-slick lips as he squeezed your tits over your bra. Your hands stayed busy undoing his jeans. He moaned into your mouth when your fingers barely brushed against the bulge through the denim.
“That feel good?” You teased, practically breathing the words into his lungs as you slipped your hand into his boxers. He groaned in response as your hand wrapped around him and pumped slowly. There was something addicting about his need— you relished in the pulse of him, warm and bucking into your grip. And you wanted more. You wanted to be the one to make him come undone. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
His head fell back slightly as you brushed your thumb along his tip, the movement accompanied by another soft groan. The way you peered up at him with an earnest need to please made hot desire thrum within him.
“You could start by taking these clothes off,” he said, fingers roaming to tug at the strap of your bra. You started to move, slipping your hand from his boxers. Then you stopped.
“You’re not gonna help?” You asked coyly, goosebumps forming where his fingers trailed along your side, teasing at the band of the bra.
That made a tiny smirk turn at his lips. “Does Art help?” It shouldn’t have turned him on— that little flash of longing for Art in your eyes. But it did. You nodded, shifting slightly to encourage more of Patrick’s touch. “Lift your arms.”
As easy as anything, you obeyed. No banter, no push and pull for control. It was so different than what he had with Tashi (who he shouldn’t have been thinking about), and he couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how it always was for you and Art (who he shouldn’t have been thinking about either).
He tossed your shirt to the side and moved a single hand to the clasp of your bra, undoing it with a quick movement that he’d perfected at sixteen. Painstakingly slow, he pushed each strap down your arms, until it fell at your feet and exposed your tits to the overzealous AC of the Stanford dorms.
Your nipples pebbled in the cool air, and his mouth watered in a near-Pavlovian response to the sight. His hands moved back to your chest, so he could thumb over the sensitive buds and relish in the way you shivered.
The wood of the door was cold against your shoulders as you arched into his touch. Manicured nails fumbled with the button to your jeans— you twisted and shimmied them off before kicking them to the side.
Before you could react, he picked you up and carried you over to the bed. A grin played at your lips as he practically dropped you onto it, making a decorative pillow fall to the floor.
“It was only, like, five steps,” you said with a laugh. Patrick shrugged and made quick work of his clothes. You sat up on your elbows to watch him shuck off his pants, then awkwardly hop on one foot at a time to remove his shoes and socks.
When he finally joined you on the bed, he was clad only in his boxers, which were sporting an almost comically large tent. He positioned himself over you, that shit-eating grin ever present on his face. “Can I go down on you?”
You laughed lightly in disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”
He nodded. “As a heart attack.” He nuzzled against your jaw teasingly. “C’mon, lemme make you feel good, okay? I live for this shit.”
You giggled, pushing his face away. “Yeah. Fuck. You can.”
He trailed his lips down your jaw, then your sternum. He stopped only briefly to suck each nipple into his mouth, making you squirm and arch into him. Your hand moved into his hair, and he moaned against your tit as you tugged slightly.
You watched him kiss down your stomach and peel your panties down your legs with his teeth through half-lidded eyes. Your cunt clenched around nothing as he slowly kissed up one leg.
The sight made your stomach flip— the sheer desire of it all. Your mind flickered to Tashi, as it seemed to do more and more. Tashi got this same sight, felt the same lips on her skin, and heard the same groans and pants. You could’ve laughed at the sheer absurdity of it all. At that moment, with Patrick on top of you, you were closer to Tashi than Art could even dream of.
A tap on the inside of your thigh was his wordless way of telling you to open up for him, to get out of your head and come back to earth. Your tummy fluttered as you spread your legs more and he slotted himself there with an arm slung across your stomach.
“Fuck,” he said lowly, peering up at you. “You get this wet from just kissing?”
Heat burned in your cheeks at his obvious amusement, but you could tell he loved how responsive you were. His tongue traced you from your hole to your clit, making you cry out and twist your fingers into his curls. Quick, teasing flicks against your clit made your thighs tremble and squeeze around his shoulders. You were so fucking sensitive that it made him want to tear you apart.
It was messy— a sloppy mix of his spit and your arousal as he made out with your pussy. His nose brushed against your clit as he nuzzled deeper into you, moaning as his fervor was rewarded with more of your juices spilling onto his tongue.
There was no method or precision to it, even though you were quite sure he could’ve had you coming undone beneath his fingers in no time at all. Patrick relished in every tiny reaction— in feeling your thighs around his head and your fingers in his hair. Relished in the taste of you on his tongue and the feeling of your slick smeared across his face.
Your back was arching off the bed, nails digging just shy of painfully into his scalp.
He opened you up with one finger, then a second. Your cunt accepted the intrusion with ease, like you were made for it. For him. He crooked his fingers just so and you cried out pathetically. He pressed there, constant and firmly and your fingers tugged harder on his hair, moans increasing in pitch as your breaths came in pants.
“I’m— I— fuck—“ words failed you as his lips formed a seal around your clit and he sucked, making spots dance across your vision. In the absence of words, all you could manage were fucked out sobs and pitiful little whines.
Slick walls fluttered around his fingers, and your clit pulsed against his tongue. You were so easy to get worked up— a toy for him to wind up and set into motion. You came with a moan that would’ve made a weaker man cum inside of his boxers, your cunt spasming around the intrusion of his fingers.
When he sat back and cleaned his fingers in his mouth, you were watching through half-lidded, hazy eyes. Tiny pieces of hair were plastered to your face and forehead, and you gave a breathless giggle as you looked up at him.
“Holy shit,” you said with a grin as he shucked off his boxers and kicked them off somewhere across the room.
“Feel good?” He asked, and pressed a kiss to your hip bone. You nodded wordlessly, feeling dizzy with need. “Gonna give me another one?”
“Yeah,” you said breathlessly, peering up at him with wide eyes. The tip of his nose was shiny with your arousal, which made warmth spread across your cheeks. With a sheepish laugh, you reached up and wiped it away with your thumb. There wasn’t much you could do about the mess on his mouth and chin. “You’re all messy.”
He kissed you slow— leaving his tongue against yours, making you taste yourself mixed with his spit. It was less of a kiss than a series of slow laves of his tongue against yours. It felt dirty, and a little gross, but you couldn’t help but relish in it. You’d never kissed Art like that, would’ve never even dreamed of it. Patrick was an entirely different animal.
You stayed like that for a while— just completely lost in the feel of him warm on top of you, grinding his cock against your cunt as he planted messy kisses to your lips.
“Condom?” He mumbled the words against your lips when he finally grew impatient.
“Mhmm. Bedside table.”
He fumbled inside the drawer, grabbing glasses cleaning wipes two seperate times before he finally found a foil packet in the bottom of the drawer.
He held it between two fingers, an amused smile playing on his lips. “You sure this’ll fit me? I’m bigger than Art.”
You rolled your eyes. “Not by that much.”
“Where it counts, though.” His smirk was smarmy as he tore open the foil with his teeth and rolled the condom down his length. He spat in his hand and stroked himself as he peered down at you, like he hadn’t quite decided how he wanted you yet.
“Turn over,” he finally said with a pat to the meat of your thigh. You did as he said, almost hesitant as you turned over and settled onto your forearms, arching your back slightly. “Does Art ever fuck you like this?”
He held the head of his cock at your entrance, teasing you with the tiniest amount of pressure. You took in a shaky breath and shifted, eager for more that he wasn’t going to give you yet. “Do you have to bring him up right now?”
No. He knew he really didn’t, but he couldn’t help himself at the same time. The thought of his Art in this same bed with you made it all so much hotter for him. He wanted to know how Art had fucked you, he wanted every detail burned in his brain. He wanted to be better, or maybe just be there with the two of you.
It had gotten close. Once. Art was definitely fingering you under a blanket while the three of you watched a movie on his laptop across the room. Patrick’s thigh was touching yours— he could feel the way your muscles tensed and shook as Art played with you. He was close enough to hear the hitch of your breath.
And if that hadn’t been enough to give it away, Art’s stupid fucking smirk and the obvious way his arm was moving would have.
He didn’t do anything then, but maybe he should’ve.
“I’ll take that as a no.” He was slow as he sank into you, inch by inch. It could’ve been the position, or maybe his cocky bravado was completely founded, but he did feel bigger than you were used to. A soft moan was punched from your lips when he was finally buried to the hilt— your breath came in soft pants as you adjusted to the feeling of him.
With your face pressed into your pillows, each breath you took flooded your senses with the smell of Art’s cologne. You moaned softly, eyes fluttering shut as your thoughts were overwhelmed with him.
“Shit, you’re fuckin’ tight,” he groaned. His fingers dimpled your skin where he held onto you. He moved one hand to rub the base of your spine in a way that could probably have been tender, on another day. You moaned pathetically into the pillows. “What? You need something?”
One shallow, teasing thrust made your toes curl. “More,” was all you could manage.
“Can you take it?” Patrick cooed, smugness was practically dripping from his tongue. “Because I can go slow if you need—“
“You’re such an asshole. Just fuck m—”
A rough snap of Patrick’s hips cut you off suddenly. You cried out, grasping onto the bedspread feebly as he began to fuck you in earnest.
Each thrust made the cheap, university-provided bed frame slam against the wall. The decorations you had hung up rattled, threatening to tumble right onto the floor and shatter, but neither of you even noticed. The moans slipping past your lips were pornographic.
But the sounds escaping you were nothing compared to the noises Patrick was making. Art had made an off-handed comment, once, about how much of a slut Patrick could be. You hadn’t really seen why until you got to hear the desperate, debauched noises he could make.
You slipped a hand between your thighs to rub at your clit and the feeling stole the air from your lungs. Your eyes rolled back, ass jiggling in time with each thrust.
Through it all, the memory of Art in this bed clung to you. Art, burying himself in the soft, wet heat between your thighs, flushed down to his chest and panting softly. His hungry kisses, melting sweet on your tongue like cotton candy. The whines that slipped past his lips, better than the prettiest music you could imagine.
With each brutal thrust of Patrick’s cock into you, he punched out soft ah, ah, ahs from your lips. In your head, you just heard Art, Art, Art. Maybe that’s what you meant to say.
You were probably in love with him. You were fucking his best friend. And it wasn’t even that simple. Patrick and Art and Tashi and somewhere between it all, you lingered. It was a giant clusterfuck of feelings and lust that you’d somehow tangled yourself inside of. Wanting someone so much, you want whoever has them just as badly.
Maybe everything would’ve been a lot cleaner if you’d just locked the four of you into a room and stayed until every bit of tension had been fucked out. The idea of it all made you moan softly into the pillows.
Patrick pulled you up suddenly, back flush against his chest as he continued to fuck into you. One hand grabbed at your jaw, turning you so he could press his lips to yours again, and the other squeezed at your tits. His mouth did a perfect job of muffling your moans— Patrick relished in feeling your pretty whines vibrate against his lips.
“You feel so fucking perfect.” His words made heat flutter through you. “Need t’ feel you cum again. You have it in you, yeah? I can feel it.”
You nodded, eager to please. Pleasure was lapping at every nerve, lightning-hot. Your fingers rubbed faster at your clit as he pounded up into you. The whines escaping you were pathetic as your body crawled closer and closer to the edge.
“Close,” you gasped out. Patrick licked into your open mouth, kissing you sloppily as you set a punishing pace on your poor, oversensitive clit. “So close— f-fuck—“
Your orgasm hit you suddenly. You clawed at his arm with your free hand, desperately seeking purchase as euphoria pulsed through your veins.
“That’s it,” he groaned, his breath hot against your jaw. “Fuck— squeezin’ me so tight I can barely move— god—“
Your eyes were half-lidded as he worked you through it, rhythm only just beginning to falter as his finish approached. He pushed you back onto your stomach, manhandling your hips so your back was arched just like he wanted.
You were reduced to whimpers and whines by the time he finally came— buried as deep as he could get, grip bruising on your hips. A few shallow thrusts were all he could manage before he pulled out, collapsing on beside you.
You were catching your breath while he disposed of the condom in the cute trash can beside your bed, filled with gummy snack wrappers and broken pencils and old class notes. It felt like sacrilege. He laid back down, and you pulled a throw blanket over the two of you.
With his head against the pillows, you wondered if he could also sense the phantom of Art’s presence there in the bed. Somewhere between you, forcing distance.
“So, when do you leave for your next tournament?” You asked. Unconsciously, you reached out to play with his hair, the same way you did to Art in times like these. “Soon, I bet. You usually don’t stay long.”
“Trying to get rid of me?” He asked, a tiny smile playing at his lips. His chest was still heaving with exertion.
You shook your head. “I don’t want to get rid of you, Patrick.” He melted into your touch, eyes fluttering shut.
In the morning, you’d wake up squished against Patrick’s side with the taste of sugary alcohol on your tongue. When you picked up your phone to see three missed calls from Art, it was easier to pretend that you hadn’t seen them at all.
thanks for reading :) if you enjoyed, please lmk by sending an ask, or whatever you wanna do <3
#challengers 2024#art donaldson#patrick zweig#art donaldson x reader#patrick zweig x reader#art donaldson fanfic#patrick zweig fanfic#challengers fanfic#my writing
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imgonnagetyouback
Pairing: Lando Norris x Fem!singer!reader
Warnings: Cursing
Authors note: I guess I lied about the Lando thing… this songs just so Lando I can’t explain it and I’m actually obsessed with this song rn. You probably have to at least know the premise of the song to understand the second half of this.
INSTAGRAM
yourusername
📍New York, New York
liked by maxfewtrell taylorswift and 13,998,887 others
yourusername hello, New York!
tagged: taylorswift
Load comments…
user1 my fav
user2 love her
user3 so pretty 🤩
taylorswift 🩵
yourusername 🤭💋
user4 welcome to New York, so real
user5 I miss Lando
user6 hi queen!!!
user7 new music when
user8 “I love NY not you” lmao Lando get up
user9 now why in the world did max like this
user10 and now Lando will post an Instagram story of him partying with some random girl to prove he’s having more fun than y/n is, we know how this goes
user11 you can not tell me they don’t miss each other
sabrinacarpenter pretty 🤩 🤩 🤩
yourusername no u 💋
user12 I just need a video of her English ass trying to navigate new York please and thx
maxfewtrell hey bestie!
yourusername oh my god get out of here
user13 wtf is max doing 😭😭
gracieabrams I ❤️ u
yourusername 🥰
oscarpiastri hi
yourusername hi?
———————————————
landonorris added to their story
user14
Now wtf
user15
user10 was right
user16
Alright ig
oscarpiastri
oh okay
MESSAGES
INSTAGRAM
yourusername added to their story
oscarpiastri
Still can't believe you convinced me to do that
yourusername
You'll be fine, ill get you concert tickets
can't even tell its you either
oscarpiastri
fine
they better be vip
yourusername
Dw they will be
—————-
maxfewtrell
???
yourusername
Dw its just Oscar
maxfewtrell
Jesus i cant believe you
yourusername
He started it. This is the first time I've included a guy in my posts, landos been doing it for months
maxfewtrell
you're gonna be the death of me
yourusername
💋💋💋💋
maxfewtrell
take care of yourself though y/n
yourusername
I am
Thx tho max 🫶
maxfewtrell
Yeah yeah 🙄
——————————————
yourusername
📍Paris, France
liked by charles_leclerc oscarpiastri and 21,008,771 others
yourusername I can tell when somebody still wants me
load comments…
user17 oh yay they're gonna sneak diss in their Insta captions again
user18 I miss dad ☹️
user19 she's so pretty omg
maxfewtrell oh wonderful we’re doing this now
yourusername leave
user20 lando its your turn
user21 IM IN LOVE WITH HER
charles_leclerc I'm amused
yourusername congrats
user22 they're so messy I love them
oscarpiastri great he's about to drag me into doing something stupid because of this
yourusername that is not my problem
user23 I sense new music coming along
user24 I do genuinely think he still wants her lowk
user25 they want eachother, don't lie. Its defo mutual
user26 😍😍😍
taylorswift 🤩
yourusername 🥰
jackantonoff 🤪
liker by yourusername
user27 why is jack here???? New music???
————————————————
landonorris
liked by maxfewtrell martingarrix and 12,008,998 others
landonorris I have what I want
load comments…
user28 oh… yay
user29 🤩🤩🤩
user30 say what you want about their shitty personalities but they sure do know how to make an aesthetic post
user31 the shade is immense
maxfewtrell im nauseous
landonorris 👍
user32 they’re so into each other it’s actually insane
user33 OH MY GOD WE GET IT YOU MISS EACHOTHER
user34 🤩🤩🤩
user35 he’s so fine
user35 LANDO-
user36 now what’s y/n gonna do
user37 how long until they both apologize and get back together… these are not the posts of people who have healthily moved on from their previous relationship
user38 fine as hell lowk
oscarpiastri this is 100% the most healthy way to handle this
landonorris I didn’t ask
user39 all of their friends are so annoyed and it’s so funny
———————————————
yourusername added to their story
maxfewtrell
Is this a song where you admit you’re still in love with Lando so you both can finally get over your emotional immaturity???
yourusername
kinda
maxfewtrell
Oh fr?
I thought you’d just be mean to him for the whole song
yourusername
Uhhh-
——————————————
yourusername
liked by sabrinacarpenter taylorswift and 21,000,111 others
yourusername imgonnagetyouback out now 🩶
Load comments…
user40 IM GONNA GET YOU BACK
user41 oh my god it’s so good
user42 LANDO GET UP
user43 THE CAPTION FROM PARIS WAS A SONG LYRICCCCC
user44 oh so she’s still in love with him
user45 “you were never not mine” 💀
user46 I CAN FEEL IT COMING HUMMIN IN THE WAY YOU MOVE
user47 PUSH THE RESET BUTTON WERE BECOMING SOMETHING NEW
user48 SAY YOU GOT SOMEBODY ILL SAY IVE GOT SOMEONE TOO
user49 EVEN IF ITS HANDCUFFED IM LEAVING HERE WITH YOU
user50 “I’m an Aston Martin” okay lance strollll
oscarpiastri “I’ve got someone too” no you do not 💀
yourusername oh my god shut up
user51 she’s still in love with him dhmu
maxfewtrell when I asked if this was going to be emotionally healthy and not a diss I can now see why you were conflicted…. Bit of both tbh
yourusername 🫶
maxfewtrell 👎
user52 told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same 😭
user53 SO GOOD
user54 WHETHER IM GONNA BE YOUR WIFE????
——————————————
landonorris added to their story
maxfewtrell
…
what does this achieve
landonorris
What do you want
maxfewtrell
Mate come on
you’re still obviously in love with her
and the song litteraly shows she’s still in love with you
all you’ve done is post a thirst trap of yourself with song lyrics on top
landonorris
It’s not a thirst trap
maxfewtrell
I hate both of you
text her mate
you’re happier together
And I’m tired of both of you annoying the shit out of me
landonorris
Fine
Maybe I will
maxfewtrell
Thank god
It’d be the first time you listened to me
—————————————
MESSAGES
INSTAGRAM
yourusername added to their story
maxfewtrell
That better be Lando or so help me god
yourusername
Calm your tits
It is
maxfewtrell
YEAHHHH
Finally
I can stop playing matchmaker
yourusername
😒😒😒😒
————————————————
oscarpiastri
Oh so this means you’ll both stop dragging me into your dumb shit
yourusername
🖕🖕🖕🖕
oscarpiastri
🫶
———————————————
TWITTER
INSTAGRAM
landonorris
liked by yourusername maxfewtrell and 13,001,881 others
landonorris told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same
load comments…
user55 YEAHHHHHHH
user56 Y/N LIKED WE’RE SO BACK
user57 my favs
user58 my parents are back together 😭
user59 unlike your real ones
user58 woah???
user59 🤷♀️ it’s the truth
user60 I missed them so much 😭😭😭
user61 admitted you love your ex-gf on main, this is self-improvement
yourusername pick your poison, babe
landonorris I’m poison either way
user62 I appreciate the repeating lyrics at each other because it is cute but those are not the kindest lyrics to be repeating 😭
user63 who knew that shit-talking your ex in a song could get him to re-admit his love for you
maxfewtrell took you long enough
landonorris legitimately who asked you
maxfewtrell I’m the reason this even happened in the first place. Watch your tone.
landonorris thanks i guess
maxfewtrell “I guess” @/yourusername this is how happy he is to have you back
yourusername landoooo
landonorris sorry. Thank you so much max, I’m so grateful you brought the loml back to me.
maxfewtrell you’re welcome ☺️
—————————————
yourusername
liked by landonorris maxfewtrell and 20,887,991 others
yourusername got you back
load comments…
user64 she got him back 🥹
user65 YEAHHHHH LFG
user66 awwwww
user67 I love them so much
user68 sleeping on the highway tonight 🫶
oscarpiastri 🥳🥳🥳
liked by yourusername
user69 these pictures are so cute oh my god 😭
user70 IM GONNA GET YOU BACK
landonorris you decided wether you’re gonna be my wife or smash up my bike yet?
yourusername still not sure… maybe both 🤔
user71 BOTH?????
user72 YEAH YEAH THATS FUNNY AND ALL BUT SHE JUST SAID SHE’D MARRY HIM
maxfewtrell congratulations nerds
yourusername thanks mate
user73 I’m in love with both of them
user74 they’re both so much happier together I really hope they stick this time
user75 and when she releases a love album then what
landonorris ily 🫶
yourusername ily2 🫶
user76 Jesus Christ they’re such teenagers 😭 USE FULL WORDS 😭😭😭
user77 no I get them. I wouldn’t post full love confessions in an Instagram comment section either lmao
user78 they got each other back 🫶
———————————————
Taglist: @casperlikej @evie-119
#lando norris x female reader#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x reader#lando x reader#lando imagine#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fluff#scheduled#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 smau
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Some Things Can't Be Taught [ZCL] (M)
Description: In which you are failing college physics, and your childhood best friend offers up one of his friends as your tutor—except, there’s a little something he wants to learn from you in exchange.
Genre: Smut/Fluff/Angst in some spots
Content Warnings: explicit, protected sex; awkward Chenle; reader is more experienced (Chenle is a virgin); reader and Chenle ridicule each other; use of pet name ‘baby’ (Chenle isn’t creative yet); oral sex (f & m receiving); alcohol consumption; explicit unprotected sex (reader on unnamed birth control lol); Chenle is somewhat of a fast learner
Word Count: 23,775
Taglist: @lostinneocity @dinosaurtoothbrushwithninjasauce @niinjo @once4sunrise @amyjipark @buns-inhiding @ti--red @defzcl @theboyz-jacob
Permanent Taglist: @sunnybutcloudy @neozon3nha @waffleuvs
Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!reader (features Dreamies, aespa Karina & Giselle)
Juliet's Masterlist | Tell me what you think? :)
“Come on. It’s either this or you’re gonna fail.” Your best friend, Jisung, crosses his arms over his chest. “You need help, and I already asked him for you. He said yes, so you’ll have to suck it up.”
“Ji, I’ve never even met him before. He’s a complete stranger to me, and I don’t really care all that much if I fail.”
“(Y/N), it’s the first semester of college. You need to try a little harder or you’re gonna start failing everything,” Jisung scolds you.
His front door opens, and both of your gazes go toward the sound. Without even seeing who it is yet, you know exactly what’s happening.
“Park Jisung, did you literally tell him to—”
As soon as Jisung’s friend comes into view, your words die lodged in your throat. You blink a few times to make sure you’re seeing things correctly, and then glare at the man standing next to you. All he does is raise his eyebrows in response, a grin filtering onto his face.
“Who knows,” Jisung whispers, nudging your arm. “Maybe you’ll get more than a tutor.”
“Ew, Sungs, the last thing I need is you trying to find me dick. Please never say that again.”
Jisung’s friend is simply unlike any other man you’ve ever seen. He enters the kitchen, and despite running his fingers through his hair and sighing, he sends you a gentle smile before looking at Jisung.
“This is the girl who needs physics help?”
“And maybe physical edu—” Jisung wheezes as you backhand him in the stomach, nearly keeling him over. His friend bites back a laugh before returning his attention to you.
“Yes, I need help with physics. The class.”
“Is there any other kind of physics?”
You can’t get a read on him. Not really. His hair is neat, not a single strand out of place, and he’s wearing jeans with a button-down tucked into them. Glasses are perched on the bridge of his nose, and he’s carrying two fairly large textbooks.
An instance of silence takes over the room, but both you and this other guy are at a complete loss on what to do next. And for some reason, you can’t stop looking at him. It must be because your analysis isn’t working. He intrigues you, but only in the sense that it’s rare for you to be unable to see into people’s souls.
“(Y/N), this is Chenle, Chenle, this is (Y/N).” Jisung gestures between the two of you once he finally catches his breath.
“Hi, Chenle. Great to meet you. Jisung, can I talk to you for a few minutes? Over there?” You violently point in the opposite direction, but send a somewhat small smile over to Chenle. “Sorry, we’ll just be a second.”
He nods and sets his textbooks down on the counter. You pull Jisung by his wrist.
“What’s going on?” he asks. “I’m doing you a favor.”
“Now, I know you’ve got like, six girls in your phone you could’ve asked to help me with physics. Why him?” You cross your arms over your chest.
“Okay, look. Hear me out all the way first before you punch me.” Jisung sighs and shifts on his feet. “Chenle is literally the smartest person I know. Yes, including you. And he’s really nice, too, and I think you’d…I don’t know, like him eventually if you gave him the chance. You haven’t really done that recently.”
“Sure, but I like being single, Sungs. If I wanted someone, I would’ve asked.”
“You can just let him tutor you then. I know both of you pretty well, alright? I think you two could be good for each other. By all means, don’t date him or try to date him. But for the love of God, let him tutor you. He’s gonna do it for free, and you fucking need it.”
You roll your eyes, but he’s right. There’s no denying it. Letting out a sigh, you finally agree, “Fine. I’ll let him tutor me.”
What you told Jisung wasn’t a lie—you did like being single. And part of keeping yourself single (and happy) has been avoiding any men who might change one or both of those things. You’d never met Chenle before today, but the second you saw him, you knew. He had the potential to ruin your life…if you let him.
So, no dating. But you’ll take tutoring, because if you face the facts, Jisung is right. The last thing you need to do is fail a college course.
You and Jisung walk back over to Chenle. He’d made himself busy with getting a water bottle out of the fridge. Once he tilts it back, you almost curse yourself for your reaction—why the fuck are you watching him swallow it? Imagining the liquid roll down his throat and—
“Well, she said she’d greatly appreciate your tutoring, Chenle.” Jisung sends a bright grin over to his friend. “And she happens to live right next door. I have a…friend coming over, so if you two wanna get started, I’ll be here.”
Jisung wants you dead, apparently.
Chenle’s cheeks get a slight pink hue to them. “Oh, I didn’t—you won’t be there, too?”
“The hell do I need physics help for? I’m a dance major.” Jisung shrugs. “You kids have fun.”
“I’m older than you.” Chenle narrows his eyes.
“Yeah, me too.” You cross your arms over your chest and glare at your friend.
“Besides the point. Now, you two go. I’ve got plans today.”
“I hope you know I’m gonna kill you. Bring a stranger into my house with no warning, what if it’s messy in there?”
“Maybe you should keep your place clean.” Jisung shrugs.
You sigh and face your new tutor. “Is that okay with you? We can reschedule for a different day if that works better for you.”
“No, no.” Chenle shakes his head. “We’re good. I guess I wasn’t expecting to—it doesn’t matter. Let’s go?”
His books are back under his arm, and he uses his other hand to tell you to go to the door first. You send one last glare at Jisung before you leave his apartment with Chenle in tow. You’ve met him all of three seconds, and now you’re bringing him into your house. Great.
“You go to the same school as Ji?” you ask as you step inside your own place.
He runs his fingers through his hair again but nods. “Yeah, but I met him over the summer. At—”
“You go to Jeju for the summer, too?” You raise an eyebrow at him.
“Not usually.”
“I didn’t see you there,” you say, and instantly, your face heats up. “Not that it’s weird, just an observation. I was only there for like, a week, and I would’ve remembered seeing you—”
You cut yourself off, scratching your forehead. He chuckles, the corner of his lips pulling upward slightly.
“I was only there for the last week Jisung was.” He pushes his glasses up and follows you into your kitchen. “He’s pretty cool.”
You snort. “He’s alright. I’ve known him my whole life, unfortunately.”
“Your parents are friends?”
“Best friends,” you tell him. “Not that anything has ever—or will ever happen between us. I legitimately want to knock him out. Maybe put him in a chokehold.”
“I was kinda surprised he didn’t have us stay over there,” Chenle mentions. “I thought he’d give us a little bit more of an introduction.”
“Ah, him bringing a friend over means he’s about to get laid, actually,” you say, going into your fridge to grab some snacks. “Don’t worry, we won’t hear anything. His room’s not against this wall.”
His eyes widen, and he blinks incredulously at you. “Are you serious?”
“Mhm.” You set the strawberries and the watermelon down on the counter and open the lids. “Surprised you didn’t pick up on that. Thought it was some guy-code talk.”
“I…” He pauses, scratching his forehead. “Maybe? I don’t really know.”
“Want some?” You slide the fruit over to him, and you almost laugh when you see how he seems to be floundering for words.
“Sure. Did…What did you want to study today?”
“To be honest, I don’t really want to at all.” You pop one of the strawberries in your mouth. “It might be better for us to get to know each other first. Because right now, you’re a strange man in my apartment. And I’m not very fond of strange men.”
Your satisfaction grows when the pink returns to his cheeks.
“Right, sorry. I’m Zhong Chenle, but I think Jisung told you that already. I’m a physics major, actually, and not to brag or anything, but I’m the top of my class. And I also…also really like music. Singing and writing it.” He purses his lips, and after a few moments, decides he’ll take you up on the offer of snacks.
“You’re insane for being a physics major, just so you know.” You lean forward on your counter, clasping your hands together. “Music is cool.”
His gaze dances all over your figure, but he hides it somewhat well. You barely notice.
“You?”
“Oh, I’m not all that interesting.” You chuckle. “I haven’t declared my major yet. Not really sure what I want to do.”
“I mean, I’m not sure what I’ll do with physics. I’ll probably have to get a Masters if I want to be anything useful.” His tongue darts out to wet his lips. He rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, and you find the awkwardness of all of it…endearing, maybe. You’ll keep going a bit longer.
“I see.” Intentionally being awkward is your forte. You’ll see how much he can handle. How much he’ll give back.
“We should at least do one chapter today,” he says after almost an entire minute of silence. “I told Jisung I would help. And if you push it back, there’s no guarantee you’ll do it.”
“Hm. Jisung is the only reason you want to tutor me?” You can’t help the smirk on your face. Nor can you ignore the way his face hasn’t lost the pink since he stepped foot in your apartment.
“I—I mean, yeah. No. Originally, yeah. He asked me to h—” he cuts himself off, a scoff escaping his lips. “I’m trying to be nice. I honestly don’t have a whole lot of friends outside of Jisung, either, so I guess he thought we could be good together. As friends, of course.”
Oh, let the games begin. This man wants to be your friend, and here you are, eyeing him up and down like he’s your next meal. Getting him flustered has all but unlocked a new portion of you you had no idea existed. Every guy you’ve ever dated has been your stereotypical jock, and certainly, none of them would’ve ever been able to tutor you. But the lack of confidence on Chenle’s part should be studied—how does he look like that and have no confidence? It astounds you.
“Of course,” you agree, biting into a piece of watermelon. “Fine. One chapter, but then you have to come with me to a party tomorrow night.”
“Tomorrow’s Tuesday.”
“Yeah, and?”
“We have school on Wednesday.” He blinks at you, pure confusion behind those pretty brown eyes.
“Chenle,” you deadpan. “Letting loose for one night won’t ruin your GPA. I wouldn’t let you drink enough to be hung over.”
“I’ve never been drunk before.” He clears his throat. “Or been to a party. That sounds like a bad idea.”
“And if I promise to stay with you the whole night? I promise, parties are fun. And Jisung will be there. We won’t let anything happen to you.” You stand up straight and cross your arms over your chest. “Not to mention parties are a great place to make friends.”
“I’m not…great at that.”
“Oh, come on.” You glare at him. “I let you tutor me in physics—”
“Let me?”
“Yes, let. And I’ll tutor you on how to make friends. How to get out of your shell a little bit. I can’t pay you money for school help, so let me do this. It’s a good exchange.”
“I literally didn’t ask for anything in exchange, though.”
“It’ll make me feel better.”
He presses his lips into a thin line. “Fine. But if I really don’t want to do something, you can’t make me.”
“Dear God, obviously.” You scrunch your nose up. “Fear not, Chenle, I find consent sexy.”
His lips part, but you’re pretty sure you see him gulp. You put the lids back on the containers and set them back in the fridge, sending a smile his way once you’ve let him flounder enough.
“First step of making friends, be confident.” You point at him. “You’re pretty nice to look at. Get rid of the awkwardness and you’ll have people all over you.”
“Oh, great.” Sarcasm twinges in his tone. “What is this? One of those makeover projects?”
“No, of course not. I’m not changing anything about you. I never understood why they always take the glasses off in those movies. They suit you.” You shrug and walk over to him to look at the books he has.
Your arm brushes his, and he blinks at you. When he doesn’t move away, you smirk. At the end of the day, you don’t want to make him uncomfortable…at least not in a bad sense. But teasing him? If it continues to be this easy to fluster him, then you’ll have a great time with it.
“Shall we?”
He nods. “Um, are we studying in here?”
“There’s not really anywhere to sit. We can go in my room.”
“Your—(Y/N), I—”
“Relax, I’m not luring you into a trap, you weirdo. I’ll be on my bed and you can use the desk.” You gesture toward your door. “We’ll even leave it open.”
“You don’t live alone?”
“Nope, my roommate is at class right now. Not too sure when she’ll be back though, she spends a lot of time at her boyfriend’s house.” You walk toward your room, and he follows behind you.
“We’ll have to share the book, though.” He sets it down on the desk.
Seeing him in your room is odd, to say the least. Mostly because you just met him today, but also because he seems to fit. You sit on the edge of your bed, and with the lamp in the corner not quite bright enough to light up the whole area, it casts shadows on his face. He looks even prettier like this, and you suddenly regret bringing him in here.
“And…the light?”
You point to the wall. “There.”
“Alright, sit at the desk. I’ll stand.” He flicks the switch on and watches you closely as you get up to do as he asks.
“Are you sure? I feel bad making you stand.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he reassures you. “We can meet somewhere else next time. Or get another chair.”
And then he puts the book in front of you, opens it to the first chapter, and places his palm flat on it to keep it on that page. You’d attempt to ignore the way his hand looks, but the way the other one is placed behind you on the chair is a much more dangerous thought.
How Jisung knows exactly who would be your type is crazy. You hate him for it.
“Can you do a physics fun fact? Maybe it’ll make my life less miserable.” You look up at him and see the gentle smile on his face.
“Sure. We’ll do one every lesson. Let me think.” He ponders for a moment, pursing his lips. “Diamonds. They’re the hardest natural material on Earth, well, that we know of. But it has the lowest crystal packing fraction, meaning the atoms are the least densely packed.”
“That’s…physics?”
He shrugs. “Sure.”
“Huh. Alright, then. I feel like I should write that down.” You grab a notebook from your drawer and scribble down what he just said.
“You have pretty handwriting,” he mentions, a hum escaping his throat.
Leave it to you to have warmth spreading to your cheeks from a compliment on your handwriting.
“Oh, thanks.” You clear your throat and slide the notebook to the side. “Should we…learn, I guess?”
“Yeah, for sure.”
It takes an hour to get through the first chapter, but Chenle thoroughly explains it in a way that suddenly has you understanding the very basics. As much as you hate to admit it, Jisung was right. Chenle’s a damn good tutor.
“You caught on fast.” He nudges your arm.
“Well, you didn’t explain it like a decrepit old man who speaks at one word per hour.” You chuckle. “You’re easy to listen to.”
“Wow, your poor professor.”
“No, poor me, alright? He also stands with his elbows permanently glued to his sides. He looks like a T-rex.”
He laughs out loud at that one, reaching up to massage his forehead. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I know. Now you know why I suck at physics.”
“You don’t suck at it,” he defends you. “It takes time to learn. And…good teachers.”
It’s at this point that you realize he’ll be leaving. And that you’ve been making him stand for an hour, it’s almost dinner time, and he’s been incredibly kind (and not weird or impatient) the entire duration.
“Um, I’m really sorry about making you stand for so long. Can I buy you dinner? I feel bad for being a little bit of an ass earlier, too.” You push the chair back and climb to your feet. He’s close like this, and you still have to look up slightly to catch his gaze.
“Oh, I’m supposed to go somewhere with Jisung and our other friend, Mark. If you’re okay with it, you should come.” He must be more comfortable with you, too, because he hasn’t made a single move to back away from you.
“To be honest, new people kinda scare me. I have a max amount per day.”
He smiles. “That’s the most relatable thing you’ve said all day. No worries.”
“Rain check, though?”
“For sure. Did you want to set up another session?” he asks. “Whenever works for you, I can make it happen. I have class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, pretty much until 5pm, but other than that…depending on how much you need, I can do all the weekdays at like, 7pm, but I obviously wouldn’t stay super late. School’s important, and—”
“Seven is great. I’m gonna need a lot of help.” You stick your hands into your pockets. “And tomorrow? You’re still going?”
“A deal’s a deal.” He nods.
“Do you want to meet me here? Jisung’s going, too, so he can drive the three of us.”
“Sounds good.”
“Alright.”
“Yep.”
“Have a good time with your friends.”
“Have a good time…recharging.”
Silence cascades over the two of you once again, and this time, it’s broken by both of you cringing and laughing at yourselves. You walk him to your front door and then find yourself in a similar situation, only now you’re in the hallway of your apartment building.
It’s too awkward to say you want to hang out with him more, but it’s also too awkward to rush him out of the door.
“Oh,” you say, reaching into your pocket for your phone. “Do you want to exchange numbers? That way if there are any changes or something, we can reach each other.”
“For sure.”
You offer it to him with the contacts screen open, and he takes it from you. He quickly types his number in and hands it back to you. You start to say something, and then you notice Jisung out of the corner of your eye. Immediately, you snap your mouth shut and take a large step back from the man in front of you.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He gives you a small smile before walking toward Jisung, and without another moment of hesitation, you close your door and groan to yourself. Jisung will never let you hear the end of this. Good thing Chenle will most likely get a barrage of teasing today, because it might get it out of Jisung’s system by the time he’s around you again.
You’re finishing up your makeup in your bathroom when Jisung stops mid-sentence, perturbed by the knock sounding on the door. With your lip gloss on, you turn to Jisung.
“I need to go change. Can you get that? It’s Chenle.”
“It’s…I’m sorry, did you just say Chenle’s here?”
“Wow, you can hear with those big ass ears. I’m surprised.” You feign shock. “Yes, please let him in. And don’t be weird. It’s not what you think at all, so if you make him awkward, I’ll kill you.”
“What is happening?” he mutters to himself as you close your bedroom door to change.
The party isn’t a huge one, so you planned on going in a more relaxed outfit than you originally thought. You settle for a crop top, jeans, and boots. After you look at yourself in the mirror six times to make sure it looks fine, you leave your room to find Jisung and Chenle have barely made it a few feet inside your apartment.
Jisung’s back is to you, but Chenle faces you. It seems like he stops mid-conversation at the sight of you, and after Jisung turns to you as well, you pretend not to notice the other man’s gaze lingering on you.
“Three years later. Did you cut the shirt yourself?” Jisung grumbles.
“You’re ridiculous. Are you guys ready?”
“Wait, Chenle’s going?” Jisung glances between the two of you. “Like, for real?”
“Obviously. Why else would he be here?”
“You…invited him to a party. And he…said yes.”
“Sorry, Chenle, sometimes I have to repeat things seven times for him to understand me. Can we go?”
Jisung’s at a loss, which makes both you and Chenle chuckle. The car ride to the party is fairly short, but you let Chenle take the front seat, and you sit in the middle in the back. Leaning forward, you rest your elbows on the center console as you talk to the two men.
“You guys are hanging out at this party together?” Jisung asks.
“Now you’re just making it weird,” the other man mentions, pushing his glasses up. “She invited me. I wasn’t gonna say no.”
“I invite you places all the time.”
“Well, Sungs.” You pat his shoulder. “Should I point out the obvious differences? I’m more charismatic than you. And cuter.”
You grin to yourself at the plastering of pink on Chenle’s cheeks, and he averts his gaze out the window to avoid Jisung seeing.
You walk in front of them, essentially leading them into this house. Your friend throws these all the time, and you and Jisung are always on the invite list. Mostly because you’re a package deal at this point, but also because you’re pretty sure your friend has a crush on him.
“I’m gonna get a drink.” You head toward the kitchen, and when you glance back, Chenle is following behind you.
“Jisung found a girl, I think,” he explains. “Is it okay if I—”
“You think I’d leave you by yourself? You don’t even really want to be here. Of course, you can hang out with me.” You pause and wait for him to catch up, and then loop your arm through his.
He’s surprised at first but allows you to guide him through the crowd of people. There are several of your friends in the kitchen—Karina, Jaemin, and Renjun. They all light up at the sight of you, but then immediately catch where you’re attached to Chenle.
“Sorry, there’s more than one new person here for you.” You look back at him quickly. “They’re all nice, don’t worry.”
“I think I’ve met that one,” Chenle says. “Renjun, right?”
You beam at him. “Right. That’s good then.”
Chenle stands next to you on the opposite side of the kitchen island as you animatedly talk to your friends. You introduce him to them, explain how he’s your new tutor (Jisung sponsored), and that you thought it’d be cool for him to hang out with everyone. Your group is immediately welcoming, and soon enough, Jaemin offers to pour you guys each a drink.
You glance at Chenle. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.”
“I never have.” He shrugs. “First time for everything, right?”
“Rum and Coke,” you tell Jaemin. “Go easy on the rum, though. We don’t want to be dragged out of here.”
Once the drinks are poured into the red cups, Jaemin hands them to the two of you. You sip yours, watching Chenle closely as he lifts it to his lips. Just like with that fucking water bottle yesterday, you can’t help but stare as he swallows the liquid, and you know damn well your friends are clocking this whole thing.
“Not bad,” he says.
“There’s barely any alcohol in it,” you tease him. “Did you want to go sit down? Jaemin’s selective about who’s allowed in the living room, so the couch will be open.”
“Selective?”
“Well, one time, this random couple hooked up on his old couch. Like, in front of everyone. It was crazy. But he also replaced that couch, so no need to worry about it being gross.” You laugh as Chenle’s jaw drops.
“People just…do that at parties?”
“Not typically in the middle of the party, but sometimes, yeah. But that doesn’t mean you have to, so don’t freak out.” You grab his wrist and lead him toward the couch, glad to see that the only other people in there are Jeno, Giselle, Jisung, and a girl you don’t recognize sitting on his lap.
“This is already a lot better,” Chenle murmurs, his breath brushing your ear as he leans down to tell you.
“Good,” you reply.
“Well, well, well.” Jisung clicks his tongue. “You were supposed to be a good influence on her, not let her poorly influence you.”
“There’s like, half a shot of rum in there.” You sneer at your best friend.
“Whatever. Plan is working.”
You flip him off, and then you and Chenle take a seat opposite of everyone. He keeps a respectful distance from you and holds his cup with both hands, nervously glancing around.
“Don’t tell me you put Chenle in (Y/N)’s line of fire,” Giselle teases, grinning widely.
“You guys are gonna make him think I’m weird,” you complain. You touch Chenle’s arm. “I’m not evil, they’re just assholes.”
“I’m inclined to believe you, I think.” He shrugs. Attempting to hide the humorous gleam in his eyes, he takes another sip of his drink.
The night passes by somewhat quickly, and eventually, the whole group is in the living room, meaning no one is really paying attention to you and Chenle anymore. You’ve had enough to start feeling a buzz, and the way the pink on Chenle’s cheeks has become permanent tells you he might be a bit past that part himself.
“Maybe we should get some water,” you whisper to him. “Are you okay?”
He nods, and when he looks at you, you almost recoil at how close it makes you. Resting his head back on the cushion, he takes a deep breath. “This is nice. I’m not really stressed about anything right now.”
“Yeah, it happens like that.” You allow yourself a brief glance over the length of his throat, and the alcohol coursing through you has you wanting more than you’d ever admit out loud.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He lets out a sigh.
“If you want to, sure.” You nod.
“Think you’re really pretty.” He laughs, scrunching up his nose. “And talking to you is cool.”
“Well, if it helps at all, I think you’re pretty, too.” Your heart warms at the sight of him like this. You’ve known him just over twenty-four hours, but you knew he needed this—a way to relax and stop worrying about life. You’re not sure exactly what parts are stressing him out, but he needed to get away from them regardless.
“Thank you for not making that weird.” He scratches his forehead. “Maybe I should drink water.”
“Stay here, I’ll get it for you.” You set your cup down on the coffee table and go back into the kitchen.
As you’re grabbing two water bottles from the fridge, you’re joined by Jisung.
“You’re taking care of him now?”
“Relax. It’s a water bottle.” You shake your head. “It’s not like that.”
“Sure.”
“I’m surprised you came up for air. Breaking away from what’s-her-face must’ve been difficult.” You stop in the doorframe and sigh. “You were right, though. He’ll be a good friend.”
“That’s all I needed.” Jisung grins. “Both of you need more of those.”
“I take it back. We’re gonna fight outside.”
“I’d drop your ass and you know it,” your best friend jokes. “But try if you must.”
You make it back to Chenle, who gratefully accepts the bottle from you. When you sit, you don’t realize how much closer the two of you were from when you first sat down. There’d been a good foot of space between you guys, and now your thigh brushes his.
“Are you tired?” you ask him. “I can take you home.”
“Go…home. Like…with you?” His gaze drags over you, and your eyes widen.
“As in, I drop you off at your home, and then I go to mine.” You put your hand on his knee. “Are you alright?”
“I never told you the physics fun fact of the day.” He points at you. “The screens of smartphones work thanks to the electric charges leaving our fingers. But yours didn’t. ‘Cause you didn’t text me.”
“Did I leave you waiting?” You nudge him.
He nods. “Mhm. It’s not nice.”
“Alright, I’m sorry.” You bite back a smile. Who knew a somewhat tipsy man could be so fucking cute? “I’ll text you right now.”
You grab your phone and send him a message. It vibrates in his pocket.
“Oh, hold on. I think someone just texted me.” He grabs it and checks it, and then grins widely. “It was you.”
“It was me, yes.” You wave Jisung down, waiting until he’s close enough to hear you. “Can you take him home? It’s best if he’s done for tonight.”
“You’re staying?”
“For now, yeah. I had too much to drive him.”
“Sure. Is he coherent?” Jisung glances at the other man. “Hangover bets?”
“He won’t be hung over. He had like three drinks with barely any alcohol. Don’t tease him. Be nice and take him home. Make sure he actually makes it to his bed, okay?”
“Jeez, what are you, his mom?”
“My mom’s at home right now,” Chenle mutters.
“Yeah, I’ll make sure he’s okay.”
The next morning, you didn’t receive a message from Chenle. You were curious as to how he was feeling and if he’d been okay all night. And you thought about messaging him closer to seven when he was supposed to show up, but you decided not to. If he didn’t come at the scheduled time, you could do it then.
But he did.
He showed up with his textbooks in hand, and an apology for his actions on the tip of his tongue. You quickly brushed it under the rug—if anyone knows anything about drunk thoughts, it’s you. All discussion of the night before was done after that, and the two of you simply continued your tutoring.
Weeks later, it was 7:30pm on a Thursday, and you were sitting on your bed, your back against the wall and your arm pressed against Chenle’s. The physics book was open across both laps, and his soft voice guided you through whichever lesson you were on now.
“So, the universe is still growing?” you ask.
“Oh, yeah. Every second it’s expanding. It has been for billions of years and will continue on for another billion years after we’re gone.” His eyes widen as he shifts to get a better look at you. “Think about it. All those stars out there, the planets. We’re still discovering new ones almost every new place we unlock. This is my favorite part of physics—learning why everything is the way it is. Real explanations, and not just…talk.”
Those same stars he’s talking about? You’re pretty sure they’re scattered in his gaze, staring right back at you as he allows his passion to shine through.
“Chenle,” you say, pausing briefly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“You told me before you’ve never dated anyone. Why?”
“Oh.” He clears his throat. “I never really wanted to. I’m focused a lot on my schoolwork and stuff, I figured I wouldn’t have time. So, I just…didn’t. And let’s be honest here, it’s not like I had a whole lot of prospects, anyway.”
You stare at him with a raised brow before he returns the expression.
“What? I’m serious.”
“You’ve got to be joking. Like actually.”
“Come on, all I do is study. I don’t even really talk to anyone, so how would I have had any?” He sits up further and stretches, moving his glasses to rub his eyes.
“Well, now you do talk to people. Anyone you’ve been interested in?”
“I thought we were doing this to make me friends, not find me a girlfriend.” He presses his lips together. “Besides, I don’t have any time. I probably won’t until after I graduate.”
“Dude, you spend pretty much every night with me. That’s why you don’t have time. And being interested in someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to date them.” You cross your arms over your chest.
“Right, and so what does that interest even do, then?”
“I have to spell this out for you?” You narrow your eyes at him.
“I’m genuinely confused.”
“Hook up with someone. College is important, yeah, but have some fun.”
He laughs. “I don’t want that, either. We both know I don’t have the confidence for something like that, and it doesn’t sound all that appealing. Not that I judge people who do. I’m obviously friends with Jisung. And I genuinely wouldn’t have any clue how to handle that situation.”
“It’s very simple. You approach girl, flirt, make her laugh, dance a little, and then if she’s into you, you take her somewhere—”
“Not what I meant.”
Your jaw drops as realization hits you, and you slap your hand over your mouth. “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think you’d—and now I’m being an asshole because I—dude.”
“Relax,” he says. “It’s not really a big deal. You didn’t mean anything by it, and if anything, it’s flattering you didn’t think that was a possibility.”
“Dear God, someone delete me from this Earth.” You glance up at the ceiling. “So, obviously, don’t hook up with random people if that’s not how you want to lose it. Is it one of those waiting til marriage things?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Just no opportunities have presented themselves that seemed worth it. In the past.”
“This is embarrassing. For me, not you.” You drop your head in your hands. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
He puts his hand on your shoulder. “You don’t make me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have told you if that were the case. Let’s just stick to finding me friends for now, alright?”
“Of course, yeah. That makes sense.” You take a deep breath, pausing. “I’m getting hungry. Do you wanna go get some food?”
“Sure, sounds good. I’ll pay this time.”
“No, you won’t.” You poke his chest. “Nice try, though.”
You spring up from your bed, suddenly feeling as if the distance between him and your bedroom needs to be far greater than what it has been. Time to erase the last ten minutes from your memory and hope it doesn’t make absolutely everything weird between the two of you.
Everything was normal until the next Saturday. You don’t usually see Chenle on the weekends unless there’s a party you’re dragging him to. Today, you hoped to relax your brain and take a day for yourself, but the knock at your door decided otherwise.
You open it, and Chenle stands there, looking as if he’s about to be sick to his stomach. Recoiling, you step back to let him in, and he enters without a word.
“Are you okay?” you ask. “You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“I don’t want to be a virgin anymore.”
You flounder for words, unsure of how to handle this situation. “I thought you wanted a real opportunity—”
“Opportunities are made, aren’t they?” He wets his lips. “How do I…I don’t want to be fucking awful when I do find someone, okay?”
“Chenle, that’s a wild way to think of it. If you want to be with someone you love, and you’re in a relationship long enough to get to that point, the other person should be understanding—”
“It’s not a big deal. Societal constructs or whatever.”
“I…Okay. I’ll help you find someone.” Your brain whirls at the sudden switch, and you shift on your feet. “Are you sure?”
There’s a moment of silence, accompanied with him looking up at the ceiling briefly, as if there are words locked in his throat he desperately wants to let out. He curses under his breath and shakes his head.
“I don’t want someone random.”
“You have someone in mind?”
“This is so fucking embarrassing.” He laughs at himself and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Please don’t be weirded out by this. But I need to be with someone I trust, and you…you’re the only girl I trust.”
The shock hits you so hard, you’re almost knocked off balance. You knew Chenle had gotten more comfortable with you, but this stretches a bit beyond that. And before you knew he was a virgin, you wouldn’t have said no to hooking up with him.
“Me.” You gulp. “You want…to have sex with me.”
“Okay, now it’s weird.” His fists clench at his sides and he avoids your gaze. “Forget I came by, okay? I’m sorry that was so weird, we can just never talk about it again, and I’ll keep…being me, and—”
“Slow down, please.” You card your fingers through your hair and try to force the shock away. “I didn’t even respond. Give me like three seconds to wrap my head around it.”
He nods in response, staring down at his feet.
“So, you…you trust me. And because of that, you want me to take your virginity?” You’re still not completely caught up.
“Yeah, it sounded better in my head, I think.”
“Is that the only reason you want me instead of someone else?” you ask.
“What do you mean by that?” He plays with the bottom hem of his T-shirt. “But you’re not—it’s not like that. I trust you. We both know I think you’re pretty. I’ve learned a lot of…things from you, and I thought that maybe we could—”
“You want sex lessons.”
“Can you—My God, please don’t say it like that.” He cringes.
“It’s not weird,” you reassure him. “I didn’t expect this. At all, clearly. Um, I need a little bit of time to think about it.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t want things to change with us because you’re really a great person, and I…You know I won’t be mad at you or anything if you say no. I get it.”
“I didn’t think you would be.” You pause. “I’ll give you an answer tomorrow. I need to process a little more.”
“Of course. Thank you. Either way.”
More silence.
“Um, did you know that sound waves could heat up cold soup?”
The awkwardness swarming the two of you shatters as you laugh. “You’re ridiculous. Truly the only man I know that’ll proposition sex in one sentence and then move on to fucking physics.”
“Icebreakers. They work wonders.” He shrugs.
If it was possible for your brain to be on one topic for an entire twenty-four hours, that’s exactly what happened to you. When the topic first came up, Chenle seemed like he wanted someone special to share the moment with. Now, he wants to get it out of the way. And he wants your help. If he regrets it, there’s literally nothing you’ll be able to do to change that. And you’d undeniably been attracted to him from the moment you saw him, but that doesn’t mean this was the best way to go about this. He trusts you. He said that with his whole chest, and you’re not sure if that’s the entire reason. So you came up with some stipulations, and if any of them are a no for him, then you won’t do it. You’re about as nervous as he was when he came over to ask you, but you text him and tell him to come over. When he sits next to you on your couch, you fidget with your hands in your lap. You don’t know exactly how to just say it.
“Before I make my decision, there are a few things you’d have to be okay with.” You clear your throat, and you watch realization dawn on his face.
“Okay. What is it?” he asks.
“First, I’m clean and on birth control, so protection is up to you whether or not you want to use it. But it’s a good habit to start, obviously. For when you…eventually hook up with other people, too.”
He gulps. “That makes sense.”
“We don’t tell Jisung.”
“I think he’d kill me if he knew, anyway.” He grips his thighs tightly, fingers digging into the fabric of his jeans.
“If I do something or ask you to do something you don’t want to do, tell me. I would never get mad at you for telling me no, okay?”
“Same would go to you.”
“If you were to ever…find that you’re falling for me, or catching feelings, you have to tell me. And we’ll stop.” You analyze him closely, waiting for any change in his face.
He chews on his bottom lip, but ends up nodding.
“You still have to tutor me in physics. And if things get too awkward and I fail, I’ll kill you.”
That one makes him laugh, and his grip on his legs relaxes. “I won’t let you fail.”
“We’ll still be friends after this?” you inquire. “Like, we’re not gonna do this and then you’ll fall off the face of the Earth or anything?”
“It’s—”
“Don’t tell me it’s impossible. Just answer the question.”
He gives you a soft smile. “I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”
With that, you stand up and hold out your hand. He stares blankly at you, lips slightly open as he tries to figure out what you’re trying to do.
“No better time than the present.”
“Oh, we…you…we’re gonna do this now?” He stands up.
“We don’t have to. Let’s see where it goes.” You grab his hand and tilt your head at him. “If you’re okay with that.”
“It’s just…I’d want to get condoms, and I didn’t bring any because I thought this was going in a completely different direction—”
“I have some.”
“You…” He wets his lips. “Okay, yeah. Let’s, um, see where it goes.”
Chenle allows you to guide him into your room, and then he’s sitting on the edge of your bed. Giving yourself one more mental pep talk, you straddle his lap, not quite sitting all the way down yet. His breath hitches, and his fists clench at his sides.
“Relax,” you whisper. “You know I’ll take care of you. You can touch me.”
He hesitantly lifts his hands up to find your waist, barely gripping you while refusing to break eye contact.
“Have you ever kissed someone before?” you ask, unable to hide how closely you’re staring at his parted lips.
“Not recently,” he responds. “Probably not one that counts.”
“Follow my lead, okay? And you can stop me at any point if you want to.”
You adjust yourself and sink down on his lap. He’s already half hard, the firmness of his length pressing into your core.
“Sorry,” he mutters. “It’s…”
“Don’t apologize.” You chuckle, almost breathlessly. “That’s what’s supposed to happen.”
He scoffs at you, his pointed look does well in breaking the awkward tension between the two of you. You cup his cheek, eyes trailing over his face as you trace his bottom lip with your thumb.
He watches you through a curious, almost hazy gaze. Like he’s admiring you with him like this. Swallowing the rest of your nerves, you lean forward and press your mouth to his. He inhales sharply, his fingers gripping your shirt. The movement is awkward, and he doesn’t reciprocate right away.
“Chenle,” you say. “I said follow my lead. You have to…move your lips a little.”
“Sorry, it’s new—”
“Stop apologizing. There’s nothing wrong with any of it. Just listen and learn.”
He nods, and you return to kiss him. This time, he matches your movements, and that’s when you realize just how fast of a learner he is. You reach up to weave your fingers into his hair. He gasps, pulling away to look at you. Your lip gloss shines on his lips, and you’re certain that a new part of yourself has been unlocked.
“You’re…so pretty.” His voice strains.
“What do you want?” you ask.
“You.” He gulps. “I-if that’s okay.”
“Have you thought about this before?” You trace along his jawline. “Me?”
He sucks in a breath. “I didn’t mean to. At first. And then you…we talked about hooking up with people, and all I could see was you.”
“What kind of thoughts, Chenle?” While all you want to do is keep kissing him, you move your lips down from his jaw to his neck.
“(Y/N), I—”
“If you want to do this, you have to stop being scared of saying the wrong thing,” you hum, and when you find his pulse thrumming beneath your lips, you gently bite down.
“Fuck,” he chokes out. “I-I’ve seen enough porn, okay? I don’t usually think about people I know like that, but I’ve imagined what you’d feel like.”
The desperate twinge to his voice has you wishing you could clench your thighs together. You don’t want to do too much right off the bat, but he’s fully hard beneath you now, pressing directly into your core. Despite your own slight embarrassment, you allow your lips to brush his ear.
“Do you touch yourself to those thoughts?”
His grip tightens again, and his pants nearly turn into whines. “Yes.”
“I think we should slow down,” you tell him. “Don’t wanna overwhelm you.”
He sighs when you lift yourself off his lap. You take your usual spot against the wall and pat the bed next to you, and he joins you without hesitation. When you lean in to kiss him, he quickly reciprocates. You’re surprised by how fast he caught on to the movement, because the kiss is nothing but enjoyable for you.
“Can I touch you?” you ask, tapping your fingers on his upper thigh.
He nods fervently, but quickly pulls you back into a kiss. You smile against his lips before popping the button on his jeans. He curses quietly at the sound of you pulling his zipper down. You push down on them, and he lifts his hips to assist you. Pausing the kiss, you look down at where he strains in his boxers.
“It’s not gonna take very long.” He lets out a weak laugh. “Don’t wanna make a mess.”
“Let me worry about that,” you tell him.
You pull back for a split second to look at his face, finding lust waltzing around in his irises. He either can’t hide it or doesn’t want to, but you have him wrapped around your finger. His lips are swollen from kissing you, and he’s never been more attractive to you. Your thighs clench together, and the warmth between them is undeniable.
“You sure?” you whisper.
He nods, and you go back for another kiss in an attempt to distract him from you pulling at the hem of his boxers. The sound that escapes from his mouth into yours sends a shiver up your spine. God, the things you’d do to him if it wouldn’t melt his brain. You trail your finger up his length, collecting some of the precum from his tip.
He curses but doesn’t break the kiss, his hand now tightly gripping your thigh. His touch sends sparks through you, and you wrap your hand around him.
You stroke him up and down, grinning into the kiss when you feel how he pulses against your palm. He struggles to keep his focus on kissing you the longer you slowly pump his cock. You sink your teeth into his bottom lip, gently tugging it as you rub your thumb across his tip. A long moan escapes his mouth, and his head thuds back against the wall, and within seconds strings of white pump from him.
You catch as much of it as you can in your hand and kiss him again to quiet him down. This exchange is softer, slower than your previous, and he all but melts into you as he attempts to calm his breathing.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I—”
“Don’t apologize.” You slide away from him to grab a towel from your closet. “That was the whole reason I did it.”
You won’t tell him how weak your legs are and how bad you want his hands all over you, considering it’s very likely he wouldn’t know what to do with you anyway. As soon as your hand is cleaned off, you come back to find him zipping and buttoning his pants.
“Can I ask you something?” He chews the inside of his cheek.
“Chenle, my hand was just on your penis. Of course, you can ask me anything.” You chuckle at him.
“Did that…do anything to you? Are you turned on?”
Embarrassment replaces the heat already on your cheeks as you turn to him. “I mean, yeah. But that’s a good thing, obviously.”
“You don’t want me to help you?”
For the thousandth time this weekend, you’re floundering for words in his presence, but you can’t deny how much you do, indeed, want that. You figured he’d not even think about it, leave, and then you could just take care of yourself instead.
“I…”
“If not, that’s okay. But I didn’t want to learn how it felt for just me, you know.” He shifts to the edge of the bed and holds his hand out to you. “C’mon. Show me how to help you. Besides, I definitely owe you now.”
“Okay.” You step toward him and slide your palm on his, gasping when he tugs you into him.
He moves to place your back against the mattress, your head hitting the pillows. Hovering over you, he allows his gaze to travel down to your mouth. You spread your legs to accommodate him, grabbing his hand and placing it on your thigh.
“You could say I’ve…studied this part a little.” He wets his lips. “But I don’t hold too much stock in that stuff being real, so…”
You chuckle. “That’s good. Porn is very unrealistic.”
“How do you want me to do this?” he asks. “Um, I can use my hand or if you want oral, that’s…yeah.”
“Let’s make sure you’re good with your hands first, alright?” You weave your fingers through his hair and rub your thumb against his scalp.
“I want you to feel good, too.” He furrows his eyebrows as if he’s trying to figure something out. When he leans down, he brushes his lips against your jawline, mimicking the way you kissed his neck earlier.
“Chenle,” you whisper, letting your head fall back against the pillow. “Come lay next to me.”
He listens to you quickly, making sure your back is flat against his chest. His arm is snug around your waist as he brushes your hair out of the way to leave wet, open-mouthed kisses along your neck. You skin buzzes everywhere he touches you.
“Don’t be afraid of me, okay?” you tell him. “Foreplay is the most important part of sex for a girl. It’s harder for us to finish, so you’ve gotta…be deliberate.”
“Mhm,” he hums, squeezing your hip.
“You can explore.”
“Show me where.” He most likely meant it to make sure he doesn’t do anything you don’t want him to, but as you place your hand over his to guide him, more warmth spreads between your thighs. You slide him beneath your shirt, slowly moving him over your skin.
“You’re so warm.” He kisses your shoulder. “Soft.”
You stop at your breasts, a soft moan escaping you as you have him squeeze. Your head falls against his chest, and you bite your lip as you move him beneath your bra. He whispers a curse, and you can’t stop yourself from squirming against him.
You move your hand away from his, and he moves to your other breast. His thumb brushes over your nipple, and your eyes nearly roll back into your head. Sure, you told him what to do, but the feeling of his fucking hands on you has your fantasies running wild.
“Was that okay?” he asks.
You nod and tug on his wrist. “Now, when you really start, you have to make sure whoever you’re with is wet. If she’s really wet, it’ll feel better for both of you.”
“How will I know the difference between—”
“Touch me.” You push him toward the apex of your thighs. “That’s what really wet feels like.”
He slides his hand beneath your shorts. “(Y/N), I don’t…I don’t know how—”
“It’s okay,” you say, putting your palm on him again. “I’ll show you.”
He cups your core and gently rubs back and forth. “Doesn’t this ruin your panties?”
“Precisely why I try to take them off as quickly as possible in these situations, smart ass.” You scoff. “Are you sure you want to do this? It’ll get messy.”
“You caught my cum in your hand. It’s the least I can do.” He shifts down a bit and waits for you to look at him so he can kiss you. In the midst of the kiss, you move him beneath your panties. He lets out a shaky sigh when he feels the wetness against his skin.
“Few, um, key things going on here,” you tell him. You position his fingers over your clit. “This is the clit. Don’t ever forget that. It’s arguably the most important thing on my body. In…this case, I mean.”
“Mhm.” His breathing is uneven against your neck, but he listens intently.
You move further down to your entrance. “This is where you’re gonna put those pretty fingers to use, okay?”
“You’re so wet,” he comments, his forehead dropping on your shoulder. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
You pull him back to your clit. “Start here. Don’t be a psycho. Going slow is good until she tells you to hurry the fuck up.”
“Stop saying it like that,” he says, allowing you to move him in whatever way will make you feel good.
“Like what?” you ask, your hips unintentionally grinding down on his fingertips.
“She. I’m with you right now. Only wanna think about you.” He clicks his tongue. “I got it now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
You move your hand away from his, sighing as he continues his circles. “When you put your fingers in, use your thumb to keep rubbing the clit.”
“Is it normal that I really feel like I might cum in my pants?” He chuckles.
“Considering this is your first time touching a real vagina, yes.”
He slides his fingers inside you, the length of them alone making your eyes roll back. When you moan, he lets out a similar sound, his hips pushing against your ass. You close your eyes, truly not expecting much out of him in the slightest. You’ll probably have to remind him—
His thumb finds your clit as he starts pumping his fingers inside you, and your back arches from the pleasure. You’re desperate to finish from getting him off earlier, and you start to believe he might just get you there.
“If it’s…it’s this tight with my fingers, how does…good fucking God, (Y/N), you’re fucking perfect.” He picks up his speed a little, and you feel that knot tying deep in your stomach.
“Whatever you do, don’t fucking change anything,” you practically whimper the words out, rocking your hips in time with his hand. Your walls clamp down on his fingers, and you let out a loud moan, your nails digging into his wrist as he continues his work between your legs.
Once overstimulation sets in, you close your thighs around him until he gets the hint that you’re done. He gently removes himself from your panties and settles your shorts back in the proper spot. You pant while he kisses your neck.
“I feel like everything makes sense now,” he mutters.
“What do you mean?”
“Why people are so obsessed with sex. I get it.”
“You haven’t even had sex yet.” You chuckle and turn toward him. “Um, you can stay if you want to, but don’t feel like you have to. I know you have class tomorrow.”
“I definitely would, but I for sure came in my pants. So I’ve gotta go home and change.” He pauses and wets his lips. “If you come with me, you could stay at mine.”
“Chenle, that…” you trail off with a sigh. “That sounds like we’d be crossing a friendship line, you know?”
“Oh. Yeah, of course. Don’t even worry about it, I don’t know what’s normal in these situations, so I’ll…just go home. And I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Normal time?” His cheeks are stained pink as he lifts himself off your mattress.
You nod, frowning to yourself—you don’t want him to leave. You want him to lay next to you all night, and no part of that sounds like a good idea.
“Have a good night, Chenle.” You clasp your hands together in your lap.
“You, too.” And then he’s gone, and you fall back against your mattress.
You won’t get him out of your brain any time soon, but at the very least, you hope it’s not going to make everything awkward between the two of you. He wanted lessons, plural, so you can only think that means he’ll want to have real sex. More than once.
You grab your pillow and put it over your face, screaming into it.
This, you fear, is only the beginning.
“Chenle, it’s been two hours. Please put the book down. I can’t think anymore today.” You rest your head back on the wall.
“You’ve got a test coming up,” he mentions as he gives you a pointed look. “If you don’t do well, that’s a direct reflection on me.”
“Mm, no. I think it’s a reflection of me not being able to shove all of this in my brain.” You drop your head in your hands.
He stops for a moment, and then ultimately decides to close the book. “Maybe I should come earlier tomorrow?”
Without another thought, you rest your head on his shoulder and sigh. He tenses for a brief second, but quickly relaxes. Neither of you are quite used to the physical affection aspect, but after last night, you’re not too sure you have to hold back anymore.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“My brain hurts.”
“I’m serious.”
“Me, too,” you reassure him. “If there was something wrong, I’d tell you.”
“C’mere.” He wraps his arm around you and pulls you closer to him, all before resting his head on top of yours.
You shouldn’t enjoy it. In fact, you should be encouraging him to do the exact opposite of this, but, for some reason, you crave his comfort. Your day was unnaturally long, and with a test coming up, you need all of the support you can get.
“I know I’m not Jisung, but you can talk to me about anything, you know.” His voice rumbles quietly, and he reaches up to play with your hair.
“We shouldn’t be this close right now,” you say.
“I know.” He sighs.
Your heart twists in your chest. Both of you are fully aware of what all of this could mean—of the risk you’re taking by opening up a connection like this—but at the same time, neither of you are moving to change it.
“And it’d…be wrong to kiss you, wouldn’t it?” Chenle taps his fingers on your arm. “Because we only do that during…I don’t know, whatever you want to call them. Lessons?”
Fuck, you want to kiss him, too.
“I…I think we make the rules.” You lift your head to lean toward him. “Besides, maybe you could use another lesson. Do you want that?”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” he admits. “But I don’t want you to think that’s all I’m doing here.”
You close the distance, pressing your lips to his. He puts his hand on the back of your head and sighs into your kiss. You shift closer to him. With your full attention on him, you drag you hand down his chest, down, down, down—
Your front door opening sends the two of you flying apart, and you curse under your breath. Chenle gets up from your bed, but not without kissing you one last time. You hate how fucking giddy it makes you feel.
“(Y/N), are you asleep with your lights on?” Jisung’s voice carries from the living room.
“It’s almost 10 o’clock,” Chenle mutters to you.
The two of you walk out together, and Jisung glances between you and Chenle, then down at his phone to look at the time.
“Chenle’s still here.”
“Yeah, we were studying. I have a test on Friday.” You cross your arms over your chest. “I think we fell asleep for a little bit.”
“Huh.”
“I was actually just leaving.” He almost reaches out to touch you, but opts against it and nods at you instead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
You watch Chenle leave, and you know you’re in for a long conversation with Jisung. Rubbing your eyes, you head into your kitchen to get some water, and as soon as you take a sip, of course, Jisung opens his mouth.
“I think he’s a virgin.”
You nearly spit out your water. “What the fuck, Sungs?”
“Just in case you were thinking about doing anything with him.”
“First of all, why would him being a virgin matter? And second of all, why are you even thinking of me thinking about wanting to do something with him?”
Jisung looks you up and down. “You fell asleep, huh?”
“What?”
“Dude, look at you. Your hair’s messy, it looks like you spent an hour biting his lips, be so for real right now.” He scoffs and shakes his head. “Just be gentle with him when you break his heart. I like him.”
“I’m not—Jisung, for the love of God, I don’t plan on banging him.”
“You’re such a liar. I know you too well. But I’ll let you live in your land of delusion.”
When you passed your exam (with flying colors), you hadn’t expected Chenle to show up to your house that weekend. He showed up with Thai food, a bottle of wine, and a smile to rival the entire sky full of stars outside your window.
“You passed.”
“What’s all this for?” You chuckle as you close the door behind him before following him into your kitchen. “It was just a test.”
“Just a test,” he tsks, narrowing his eyes at you. “You’ve been studying for it for weeks.”
“If you’re gonna drink, I’m not letting you drive home,” you say.
He turns to your cabinet and grabs out a couple wine glasses. “Is that okay with you?”
You nod, opening the bag he brought. Somehow, he’d gotten so comfortable here in your apartment that he was aware where you kept things. He knew what kind of Thai food you like, and if you were to taste it right now, you’d be willing to bet he knew the exact spice level you liked. He hasn’t acted weird at all since last weekend, and you’re beginning to wonder if you’re the problem. If the only reason all of these things are ‘weird’ because you’re making them that way. He seems perfectly content living whatever way the two of you have been for months now.
“Are you okay?” he asks as he fills the glasses with red liquid.
“Yeah, of course.” You accept one from him and bring it up to your lips. “Are you—Did you know you know where everything is in my apartment?”
He chuckles and scrunches his nose. “I wouldn’t say I know where everything is. But we study here all the time, so I think it’s natural to learn those things. Plus, I’m a fast learner.”
His words take you right back to last week, to him being in your bed with you, and you know damn well he’s right. Fast learner, indeed.
“I…I didn’t ask if I could do all of this, though.” Realization dawns on him as he takes in everything sprawled out on the counter. “I’m sorry, I should’ve. Honestly, I was just proud of you for passing because you’ve been working so hard. I never would do something with the intention of—”
“You ramble when you’re nervous.” You tilt your head at him.
“Long story short, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” you tell him, putting your hand on his. “It’s sweet. I appreciate it, really.”
The two of you share normal, everyday conversation while you eat, and thankfully, the awkwardness fades away. You two easily finish the bottle of wine, and once you’re both done, you’re exhausted.
“You can stay with me,” you tell him. “Unless you’d be more comfortable on the couch.”
He shakes his head and follows you into your bedroom. Considering how much time he spends in there, you expect it to feel more natural to crawl into bed with him. The gentle buzz of the wine in your veins calms you, but when he’s finally next to you and you’re curling into his chest, you fear even that can’t save you from the inherent danger of the situation you’re putting yourself in.
You’ll never forget the look on his face when he first sees you naked. Nor will you forget the power it sent raging through your bloodstream. You’re straddling his lap, your mouth gently working on his as his hands explore over your back.
“Are you sure?” you ask breathlessly. “This isn’t something you can take back, you know.”
“I trust you completely. I want you.” Chenle nods as he drags his nails gently along your bare skin.
You grab the condom wrapper next to you and open it, your heart pounding in your chest as you roll it on him. His breath catches in his throat as you grip him to line him up with your entrance.
“Okay. We’re gonna do this.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” He grips your hips to stop you from moving. “Don’t do this if you’re gonna regret it, (Y/N).”
“Like I could ever regret anything I do with you.” Humor laces in your tone, but he seems to understand it’s not a joke.
“Okay,” he whispers, loosening his hold on you.
You sink down slowly so as to not overwhelm him. His lips part and his brows furrow as you take him deeper. You stop to give yourself a second to adjust. The look on his face has shivers running up and down your spine, and all you want to do is move.
“This is…” he trails off, gulping.
“What?” You’re finally completely seated on his lap, gasps escaping you as you fight every urge inside you. “What is this, Lele?”
You’re halfway certain you see his eyes roll.
“I’ve never felt anything like this before,” he mutters and rubs up and down your thigh. “You…fuck, this feels…good.”
“I’m gonna start moving, okay?”
“Please.”
You watch closely as you lift up and slide back down, refusing to let your eyes flutter shut for even a moment. He inhales sharply through his teeth. It’s been a good amount of time since you’ve done this, and something about knowing the man beneath you is Chenle spurs you further.
He bites down hard on his bottom lip, digging his nails into you. “I—I can’t—”
“Don’t hold back for me,” you scold him. “It’s okay to cum first.”
“Too fast.” He shakes his head, his words practically slurred together. “You’re more important.”
“Do you know how unlikely it is that I’ll cum first in, like, the first few times—”
“You arguing is helping a little bit.” His gaze flicks up to the ceiling and then down to where the two of you are connected. “Or not. Fuck.”
“Worry about feeling it first before you think about stamina.” You roll your hips, smirking as he inhales sharply.
“I am…feeling a whole lot of things right now.” He allows his touch to trail down to your ass. When he squeezes, it causes you to lift up, and the friction has his head falling back against the wall with a thud.
“Good God, be careful,” you scold him.
“To be honest, I’m not too worried about this head.” He lets out a breathless laugh. “I’m good. You can move.”
“You can stop me if it’s too much,” you remind him.
He nods, chewing on his bottom lip as he waits for you to continue. You’re almost embarrassed by the sounds of your wetness when you lift up, but seeing him clench his jaw and the slightest eye roll puts you on a little bit of a power trip. You set a steady but slow pace, biting back your own moans so you can pay attention to him. It’s like a whine leaves his mouth every time your walls take him completely.
You pull him back to you so your chest presses against his and you wrap your arms over his shoulders. He leans in to kiss you without hesitation, his lips slotting against yours perfectly. You swipe your tongue along his bottom lip, and his moan allows you entrance. That sound turns into a whine, and you know he’s close. He desperately reaches between the two of you, his thumb swiping over your clit. The shock from the move has your back arching, and your walls squeeze around his cock.
His hips jolt up, slamming his tip deep inside you as his face contorts in pleasure. With his nails digging into your thighs, he pants, chest heaving.
“God damn it,” he groans.
“I’ve never seen anyone so upset about cumming.”
“I feel like I’m already behind. The least I can do is be good at it.” He runs his hands down his face. “You didn’t even—”
“This isn’t about me,” you remind him.
He frowns. “Uh, yes it is. I’m literally inside you right now. That means it’s definitely about you, too.”
“Lele, relax. You’ll get better with time.” You press a kiss to his cheek and shakily lift yourself off him.
He catches you off guard by pulling you back, and the next thing you know, your back is against your mattress, and his fingers trace shapes on your thighs.
“Haven’t you learned how competitive I am yet?” He runs his tongue over his teeth. “Can I?”
You’re not a hundred percent sure exactly what he’s referring to, but you nod anyway. When he kisses you, it’s soft and sweet, almost distracting enough to make it hard for you to realize how close his fingers dance to your core.
“One day you’ll cum with me inside you,” he whispers into your mouth. “The fucking lengths I’d go to.”
He wastes no time in sliding two fingers in. Your back arches into him, and you hold the back of his head to keep his lips on yours. He didn’t lie when he said he was a fast learner—you told him how to make sure you feel good too one time and he fucking ran with it. With his thumb on your clit, he kisses down your neck. You have no idea what’s happening to you, but you’ve never been like this with anyone. Maybe it’s because you trust him, too.
His lips wrap around your nipple and the world comes crashing down around you as pleasure sparks over your skin. You gasp and dig your nails into his skin. When your senses come back, he’s pulling his fingers out of you and moving up to kiss you again, the softness of his movements making you sigh all over again.
“(Y/N), I think I—” he cuts himself off, wetting his lips.
Your heart stops in your chest when you hear his tone, and half of you wants to ask him to continue. The other knows damn well you shouldn’t.
“I…don’t really know what to do with the condom.”
You can’t stop yourself from laughing, but you tell him the proper disposal method. When he comes back, he pulls your comforter back and helps you under it before climbing in next to you.
“Is it okay if I stay?” he asks softly. “If it’s weird, I can go.”
“Don’t.” You shake your head, shuffling closer. “It feels right.”
“Yeah, it does.” His voice is so soft, you barely hear it. He presses his lips to the top of your head, leaving them there for a moment longer than necessary, and then he inhales deeply. You drift off to sleep before you fully feel him exhale.
Despite the obvious, you hadn’t expected Chenle to be completely normal in all other circumstances. He hasn’t touched you excessively in front of other people. When you’re focusing on studying, he doesn’t try to make a move on you. Over the course of two weeks, you’d spent most of those nights with him, teaching him all there is to know about female anatomy.
He didn’t lie about being a fast learner. You find yourself looking forward to the moments where you’re alone with him, where you get to be tangled up in sheets and forget the rest of the world exists.
There have been a few times where he’d gotten you close to finishing first, but much to his frustration, he still couldn’t hold back.
You’d convinced him to go to Jaemin’s party while he was in the middle of kissing your neck. And as a thank you, you’d shown him the wonders of a blowjob. By the time he’s ready for a relationship, you’re sure he’ll have nothing to worry about.
Except, you do. Because the thought of him dating someone else after spending this time with you has an unsettling feeling stirring in your stomach.
You ignore it the best way you know how—by talking to someone else you’ll pretend to entertain. Sitting between Jeno and Chenle’s friend Mark, you laugh along to whatever they’re talking about. Truth be told, you have no fucking clue what that may be, but they’re encouraged by you.
Chenle sits across from you, trying his best not to stare. He nurses his drink and talks to Jisung, but his attention is never truly off you. The second Jeno’s hand comes in contact with your thigh, Chenle abruptly stands from his seat and practically stomps out without a word to anyone.
You frown at Jisung, who shrugs. He’s not much help after he’s been drinking. With a sigh, you get up and follow him wherever he may have gone. You see the top of his head as he makes his way toward the door through the crowd.
He makes it outside and down the porch steps before you catch up to him and grab his wrist.
“Let me go.” His voice is colder than you’ve ever heard it.
“What the hell is your problem?” you snap.
He whirls around, eyes wide and full of something you can’t make out. “I get you can still do whatever—whoever—you want, but right in front of me? Do you have any idea how fucking—God, it’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, now you’re embarrassed of me?” You scoff.
“Not for you. For me.” He most likely has no clue he’s shouting, but his breath leaves a frigid cloud in the air. “Am I not good enough for you?”
“Chenle, keep your fucking voice down,” you hiss.
He sucks in a shaky breath. “How? I—I don’t know how to handle any of this. We agreed it doesn’t…mean much, but doesn’t it fucking mean something?”
Your heart trembles in your chest, and you gulp. How do you respond to that? Of course, it means something, but what that is, you’re unsure of. How do you tell him that?
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” he asks, exasperated.
You recoil, frowning as you take him in.
“Go ahead and fuck Jeno, (Y/N). It’s not my business, right? I have no reason to be upset. At the very least, just act like you care about me a little bit, alright? I don’t want to see you…want someone else.”
“I do care,” you say quickly, grabbing his wrist. “It’s not like that, okay?”
“So, what is it?” he breathes out, a short laugh escaping his throat. “Are you tired of teaching me? You want someone who’s better?”
“Stop.”
“What the hell else am I supposed to think? Will I ever be enough for you—”
“I said stop.” You don’t mean to yell, not really, but as soon as the words leave your mouth, you slap a hand over it.
Chenle flinches, realization quickly dawning on his face. “I’m sorry. God, I don’t know what the fuck that was, and it’s definitely not my place to tell you—”
“Just stop,” you say weakly, blinking back the tears welling in your eyes. “Don’t do this to me.”
“Fuck, don’t cry. Please.” He steps forward and wraps his arms around you. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of that shit. You don’t owe me anything, okay? We both know that and we both know you’re doing me a fucking favor, so I’m gonna be better, I promise. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
“Maybe we should stop.” You wipe at your eyes.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t think you’re being honest with me, Lele.” You sniffle. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“(Y/N), I—I’m drunk, for fuck’s sake. And, yeah, I’m a fucking idiot who tried to…control you and what you do with your body, and that’s so messed up. I’m really sorry for that. But honestly, it’s pride and ego. It felt like I wasn’t…like I don’t give you what you need, so you’ve gotta find it from someone else. That’s all.”
“I wanna go home.”
“Okay, we can go—”
“You need to go home, too.” You look down at your feet. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay with me tonight.”
“Don’t do this—”
“It’s one night. You need to respect what I’m asking for.”
He stares at you with wide, concerned eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I think you should go back in there with Jisung, and he’ll make sure you get home in one piece.”
“(Y/N)...”
“Goodnight, Chenle.”
Being alone in your house makes you regret your decision to send him home. You barely drank at all, so you can’t blame any of your emotions on the alcohol content in your bloodstream. God, how do you describe what the fuck is going on inside you?
Chenle keeps his distance from you for a few days. You and Jisung are splitting some drinks in his apartment when he decides to bring it up, analyzing you for your reaction as he speaks.
“Did something happen with you and Chenle?”
“Why do you think that?” You take a giant sip of your drink, cringing at the taste.
“Don’t do that. I was being nice. I know something happened because I saw you guys argue outside the party, and he’s been a miserable lump for four days now.” Jisung crosses his arms over his chest. “You hurt his feelings.”
“I don’t want to talk about Chenle.”
“And what if you fail physics, dude?”
“Jisung, fuck physics.” You drop your head into your palms. “I invited you over to drink and not think about the real world. So if you’re going to bring him up, please just go home.”
“Oh.” Jisung pauses, slowly leaning forward until his elbows are braced on his knees. “(Y/N).”
“No, Jisung. No. I just…want peace, okay? I can’t do this right now.” You shake your head.
“Alright.” Jisung stands. “I’ll leave you alone. But we’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
You don’t say a word as he leaves, but you do chug the rest of what’s in your can. Chenle hasn’t so much as texted you. Why would you want to talk about him? Doesn’t Jisung know how royally fucked everything is between the two of you. Instead of going to bed like you should, you sit on your couch and stare up at your ceiling, occasionally pausing to take a sip of the new drink you opened. By the time your door opens again, you think you’re dreaming. You see Chenle in front of you, and in your hazy mind, you want nothing more than to touch his ethereal, angelic face.
“Hey,” he whispers. “Are you okay?”
You groan, sniffling.
“C’mon, you gotta get some sleep.” His words make your head whirl even more.
“Lele?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re real?”
“Yeah, baby, I’m real.” His voice sinks into your skin, and you lean into him immediately.
“Help.” You hold your hands out to him.
He loops his arm around your waist and guides you into your bedroom. “How much did you drink?”
“Not a lot,” you mutter, your words slurring together. “I’ve had more.”
He scoffs. “You’re ridiculous.”
You flop into your bed, and you swear your sheets still smell like him. He should be tangled up with you every night, holding you close to him like you’re the only thing that matters. You should be. The only thing. Chenle hesitates before climbing in next to you.
“I don’t want to stop,” you whisper as his chest settles against your back. “We’re both fucking stupid if we want other people.”
“Sh.” He makes the gesture so softly, you almost miss it. “We’ll talk tomorrow, baby. Get some sleep.”
You wake to lips on your shoulder. Shuffling closer to Chenle, you groan at the brightness of the sun.
“Careful,” he mutters, squeezing his arm around your waist.
“What time is it?”
“Ten.”
“What?” You attempt to shoot up in bed, but you groan and slump back in your spot. “Fuck. Don’t we have class?”
“We had class, yeah.” Chenle tightens his grip around you and traces shapes on your hip. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
You remember Chenle telling you he’d never missed a class in his life. How he’d always known how important every single lesson was, and how he’d never miss for something unimportant.
“I’m sorry,” you tell him.
He frowns. “What for?”
“I did it on purpose. Well, not really. But I was trying to distance myself from you because we were…I don’t know, spending a lot of time together. It was fucking weird.”
“Do you not want that?” he asks.
“I do. And it’s weird that I do.” You bury yourself in his chest. “Can we forget everything today? I just want you.”
“Of course,” he whispers. “That sounds perfect.”
His arms wrap around you, a deep hum escaping him as he rests his head on top of yours. You breathe him in. You wonder what it’ll take to get through your own confusion, and if it’s even worth dragging him along with you. His fingertips comb through your hair. And for the first time in weeks, the only movement between the two of you is steady breathing.
A few more days pass, and the two of you haven’t resumed despite agreeing not to stop. You assume he’s too awkward to ask, and he’s awaiting your nudge to tell him it’s okay. But you realized that part of him gaining confidence is about letting him figure it out.
You’re sitting on your couch with his head in your lap, fingers sifting through his hair as the TV plays quietly in front of you. A lot of time spent with him feels oddly domestic. You’ve never let Jisung lay on you like this, so what exactly is the extent of what’s running through your mind?
He shifts on his back, grabbing your hand. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
He sits up and faces you, gaze traveling over you briefly. “Are we…You said you wanted to stop, and then you said you didn’t want to stop. And we never talked about it. So, please don’t think I’m trying to pressure you or anything, but I think it’s worth a conversation.”
“You’re right.” You cross your legs and turn toward him. “What the hell was all of that?”
“I really don’t know. Like, logically, you weren’t doing anything to spite me, but it just…felt like I’d never be good enough. Not just for you but for anyone. It wasn’t fair of me to take that out on you, and you’re obviously more than welcome to do whatever the hell you want with your body.”
“What part of you isn’t good enough?”
He sighs and clasps his hands together. “C’mon, (Y/N), I haven’t been able to make you finish first. And you can say whatever you want, but it’s gotta be frustrating—”
“Chenle.” You shuffle closer to him. “If it were frustrating, do you really think I’d keep going back for more? You still take the time to make sure I’m good, even if it’s not before you, which is more than what a lot of guys can say. Relax.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why that’s immediately where I went when I saw that guy touch you. To be honest, I’ve never…felt anything like that before. And it scared me, so I figured it’d be better to leave.” He picks at the seam of his jeans.
“Is it okay if I kiss you?” you ask.
Chenle nods, glancing down at your lips. You give him a small smile before leaning in and pressing your mouth to his. He sighs as if he’s melting into you, and his hand moves to the back of your head.
“I missed this,” he murmurs.
“Me, too,” you admit.
No matter how much you want to, you don’t push further. You wait for him to make that decision. He pulls away briefly as if to analyze you, and then he moves back in with determination. Without a word, you allow him to guide you until your back is against the couch cushions.
You throw your arm around his shoulders and pull him closer. With a gentle roll of his hips, his clothed length presses against you. He kisses down your neck, gently nipping at your skin. Finally, he lifts up to press his lips to your ear.
“You know, people radiate more thermally per volume than the sun.” His hand trails down your body, slipping into your shorts to cup your core over your panties. “And you’ve got me fucking addicted to you, for fuck’s sake.”
“Did you just tell me a physics fact right now?” You quirk an eyebrow at him.
He grins. “Yeah, I did. It felt like it fit the situation.”
“It’s so fucking weird that I found that hot.” And then you pull him back into a kiss while you roll against his hand.
“Oh, good.” He moves your panties aside and slides his fingers along your entrance. “Can I go down on you?”
“Huh?” Your eyes shoot open and you grab his wrist.
“You’ve gone down on me, but I’ve never…” He gulps and nudges your clit with his fingertips. “Do you not want me to?”
“I’m just…shocked.” You let out a shaky breath as he circles you. “That you want to.”
“I want anything that’ll make you feel good.” He pulls at the hem of your panties, only to let them smack back against your skin.
“You know I’m not gonna say no.” You lift your hips to encourage him to undress you.
He smirks and removes his hand from your core. “I like to hear you want me.”
“Can you do me a favor?” You trace along his bottom lip, entranced in the thought of his head between your thighs.
“Anything.”
“Keep the glasses on when you do it.”
He raises an eyebrow, but you’re quickly distracted by the way he tugs your shorts and panties off in one movement. You’re not sure where the determination on his face comes from—or the confidence and knowledge—but he starts by pressing open mouthed kisses around your inner thigh.
“You’re so pretty everywhere,” he mutters, tongue running along your skin.
You let your head drop back against the couch and reach to card your fingers through his hair. He hums into you as he trails closer and closer to your core. You usually try to refrain from squirming too much or letting him know just how fucking needy you are, but the thought of his lips on you is driving you up the fucking wall.
“Lele, don’t tease me,” you whine, shifting so you can see him.
His gaze flicks up, a look within you’ve never seen before. You did something to him, and you’re more than ready to find out. He narrows his eyes slightly as he analyzes you before he dips his head back down. His tongue starts at your entrance, and he flattens it and moves upward until he takes your clit in his mouth.
You gasp, wanting nothing more than to throw your head back, but you refuse—you need to see him. He sucks on your bud and flicks it with his tongue, and you grip his hair.
“I didn’t fucking teach you that,” you say breathlessly, chest heaving.
He pulls away just long enough to say, “Porn isn’t completely useless now, is it?”
You’re dazed already, watching as he pleasures you. He moans against you, and the vibrations course through you. You’re not sure what made you ask him to keep the glasses on, but you’re appreciating it now more than ever—he’s between your legs with his face buried in the very apex of your thighs, and every time you squirm, you feel the thick frames of his glasses.
“Fingers,” you tell him. “Fuck, use your fingers.”
He doesn’t let up, immediately listening and thrusting two inside you. Your back arches as you moan and push him further against you. Everything becomes a blur, and when he curls his fingers just the way you taught him, you’re practically thrashing beneath him.
A strangely masculine scream robs your body of the high you were two seconds away from, and Chenle freezes and lifts himself to cover a bit more of you. Embarrassment floods through your body.
“What the fuck?” Jisung shouts, hands slapped over his eyes. “(Y/N), I sit on that couch!”
“That’s really what you’re worried about?” You scoff and grab the throw blanket from the back. Chenle helps you spread it out so he can safely move away from his spot. You cover him, too, considering the noticeable bulge in his pants.
“You should save all sexual activity for your bedroom—”
“Says the guy who was telling me how he fucked a girl on the kitchen counter,” you shoot back. “We’re covered.”
He drops his hands from his eyes and shivers like this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.
“I’m gonna puke. Chenle, wipe your fucking mouth.” Jisung clenches his eyes shut and shakes his head. “What the fuck?”
Chenle’s ears turn pink, and he uses the blanket to remove what’s left of your arousal from his face. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as you study him—
“My God, are you gonna eat him alive?” Jisung scolds you. “Right in front of me? I can’t believe you guys didn’t tell me you’re together.”
You and Chenle exchange glances before you both look back at Jisung.
“No. No, no, no.” He drops his head into his hands. “You mean to tell me you’re not?”
“Can we do this later?” you ask.
“What?”
“I agree,” Chenle adds. “You should come back in like an hour. Or two. Because to be honest, I don’t really care if you’re here or not, I’m gonna fuck her.”
Everything inside you heats up again, and you gape at Chenle. Jisung lets out a dramatic scream and slams the door behind him.
“What the hell was that?” You push Chenle’s shoulder.
“The truth,” he says. “I want you so fucking bad right now.”
“Well, you’d better hurry up and put this extra time to good use.” You lean forward and kiss him hard, holding onto the back of his neck. He inhales sharply but wastes no time in reciprocating. With one quick movement, the blanket once covering you is tossed to the floor, and he’s between your legs.
While his mouth works against yours, he almost frantically moves his hands beneath your shirt and only breaks where you’re connected to pull it off. His urgency takes you off-guard, but you can’t deny the thrill running through your veins and the wetness rushing to your core.
You grab at his shirt, and he sits up on his knees to take it off. Practically lunging forward, you unbutton his pants. As soon as his zipper’s down, he grabs your wrist.
“Turn around.”
“Huh?” you ask.
“Turn around,” he repeats. “You know what I want.”
With anyone else, you’d be embarrassed by how much his request turned you on. You flip over and lift yourself to your knees. You arch your back and let your head rest against the couch cushion, and his groan reverberates through your entire being.
His hands grip your ass, nails digging in as he squeezes hard. “Do you have any fucking idea how bad I wanted you to cum on my tongue?”
“Was pretty close.” You push back against him.
“Think he’s listening?” Chenle asks, tapping your hip before flattening his palm over your stomach. “Just a little curious about us, huh?”
His touch burns against you in the best ways, and after being as close as you were, you’re desperate for him to make you finish. You cry out when he puts two fingers on your clit and rubs slow circles. Gripping onto the cushion below you, you rock your hips in rhythm with him.
“You said you’re on birth control, right?” he murmurs, seemingly distracted by the way your arousal coats his skin.
You nod fervently.
“Is…” He pauses, cursing under his breath. “No condom is okay? I can, um, finish inside you?”
Your eyes roll back. “Fuck, of course, you can. I need you right now.”
He shuffles behind you, and you wish you could see what he was doing. His fingers slow, but your whine is cut short when he slides his length against you to collect the wetness.
“A-and there’s…no risk?” He gulps.
“C’mon, you little science nerd, you know there’s always a risk.” You chuckle airly. “That’s part of what makes it fun.”
He hums and removes his fingers from you, grabbing his cock and jerking himself off a few times before lining up with your entrance.
“You’re sure this is okay, baby?” Chenle’s free hand squeezes your ass again.
“For fuck’s sake, Lele, please—” You’re cut off by his tip ever so slowly stretching you to accommodate him. You gasp, immediately pushing back to take more of him. This angle has you seeing stars. Once he bottoms out, he lets out a long moan.
“So good,” he whines, just barely rocking his hips. “You’re so fucking good.”
He reaches around you again to circle your clit, and then he starts to thrust. Your eyes roll and your body melts, everything around you becoming blurry as he sets a steady pace that has your toes curling.
You attempt to assist him, every time he’s entering you, you push back to take him harder. One hand grips your hip, and the other frantically works between your legs. You can’t even think straight, moans pouring out in unison with his. A knot starts to form in your stomach, and you attempt to shut your thighs.
“‘M close.” You gasp, legs beginning to shake. “Fuck, ‘m gonna—”
You let out your loudest moan yet as you spasm around him, overwhelmed from the pleasure. Sensitivity sets in quickly, but you need him to cum inside you. He lets out a high pitched noise, and the next thing you know, he’s pressing his hips against you, burying himself as deep as he can to fill you with his load.
Both of you pant, unable to move for a moment. Once he regains some of his composure, he slowly pulls out of you, sighing at the feeling. He turns you on your back and kisses you slow, his lips working to part yours as he slides his tongue in.
You smile, unable to hold it back when you think of how much he’s learned in such a short period of time.
“You did it,” you tease him.
“That was the best fucking feeling in the world,” he tells you. “I’m never cumming first again.”
You laugh and push at his shoulder. “That’s not really something you get to just manifest into the universe.”
“Maybe not.” He shrugs, sheepishly grinning at you. “You want new clothes?”
“It’d be really great if you could grab me a towel, actually.”
“A towel?” He frowns.
“You see, Lele, when you fuck raw, messes occur.” You chuckle. “That’s a good thought for the future. Aftercare includes towels.”
“The future?” He quirks an eyebrow.
“I just meant—” Your face heats up. “Like, whoever you end up with. It’s important.”
“Right.” The playful gleam on his face fades, and as he leans back to get up and retrieve what you need, he stops to stare at the apex of your thighs. “It comes out.”
You slap a hand over your mouth to stop the abrupt laugh. “Yes, it does. What did you think happened? It magically gets absorbed into vagina land?”
“Well…yeah.” He shrugs, wetting his lips. “But this is so much hotter. I might get hard again.”
“You psycho, go get a towel.” You push at him, and he bursts into laughter as he tucks himself back in his boxers and jeans before heading toward your bathroom.
When he comes back, he helps you clean up. His touch is tender, gentle, and it makes you want to wrap him up in your blankets and stay in your bed all day with him. He grabs the throw blanket from the floor, lays down on top of you, and rests his head on your chest. You hum in content and run your fingers through his hair.
You’re not sure how long the two of you stay like that, but you find yourself drifting off to sleep. Just before you do, a phone vibrates on the coffee table. Chenle groans.
“Who’s is it?” you ask.
He lifts his head to look. “Mine. The one time it actually rings—should I just ignore it?”
“No, it’s okay.” You sigh and rub your eyes. “Answer.”
He kisses your forehead before getting up. After he has the blanket on you again, he reaches for his phone and answers it.
“Yeah?”
As soon as the other person speaks, he tenses and sits straight up.
“That was today? Are you still there? I’m so sorry, I can be there in fifteen minutes if that works.” He pauses and massages his forehead. “Yeah, I understand. It won’t happen again.”
After a few more moments of listening, Chenle hangs up the phone. He curses and reaches down to grab his shirt from the floor. When he turns to you, you’re watching him with a concerned look on your face.
“One of my professors assigned a group project, and we were supposed to present today. Like…twenty minutes ago. It’s literally twenty percent of my fucking grade.” Despite his anxious energy, he gives you a gentle kiss. “I’m so sorry, babe, I’ll come back later, okay?”
You don’t have time to answer, because he grabs his wallet and keys and bolts out the door. Not that you would’ve been able to anyway—shock courses through you at the pet name. Sure, he says things during sex, but the two of you have never…nicknamed each other outside of that.
You sit up in confusion and scratch the top of your head. What the fuck is going on with you and Chenle?
After you shower and get dressed, you go over to Jisung’s. You’re glad Chenle won’t have to sit through this. When you’re on Jisung’s couch with a bowl of popcorn, he begins his in-depth interview.
“You’re not dating?”
“Nope.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“Jisung,” you deadpan. “I think it’s pretty obvious. He’s helping me with physics, and I’m helping him—”
“Did he say you had to—”
“Park Jisung, this is Chenle you’re talking about. You really think he’s capable of something like that?” You put another handful of popcorn in your mouth.
“Fine. Then tell me how it started. I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me. Your best friend. I tell you when I hook up with people.” He frowns at you.
“Well, one day, we were doing physics homework.”
“Wow, so sexy.”
“Shut up.” You send a glare his way. “Anyway, he was telling me about the ever-expanding universe or whatever, and…like, when he gets super passionate about something, he’s attractive. Like more than usual, you know? So, I asked him why he hadn’t ever dated anyone before.”
“And then you banged him?” Jisung purses his lips. “That’s…well, to be fair, I kind of expected that portion of it.”
You flip him off. “No, that’s not how it happened. Just listen, would you?”
“Fine, fine.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender.
“He said he didn’t have any prospects so obviously I was like…be for real, dude. He’s…attractive, you know? And then he said he was busy, and then I asked what about hooking up with people? Because you can still hook up and not date.”
“That kinda sounds like he was making excuses for not wanting to date.”
“Yeah, maybe. But he was also a virgin.”
“What?” Jisung’s jaw drops, and he drags his hands down his face. “(Y/N), are you insane? He’s probably unhealthily obsessed with you—”
“He showed up the next day and asked me to…teach him how to have sex. And I’d been dickless for…shit, months at least, so of course, I said yes.” You purse your lips and stare down at your lap. “He’s still learning.”
“When was this?”
“Um…” you hesitate, fidgeting with your fingers. “Remember that party where you said you saw us all angry and stuff?”
“Yeah?”
“Like, a few weeks before that.”
“Holy fucking shit, (Y/N), you’ve been fucking him for that long?” Your best friend lets out an exasperated sigh. “You realize he’s in love with you, right?”
Your head shoots up and you stare at the man on the couch. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry, but no dude like him is gonna be able to stop himself from falling in love with a girl he’s been fucking for months. Guys are really oddly attached to their firsts, you know. And that reaction at the party. He’s been missing classes. It’s like you’ve taken over his whole life.”
The rose-colored glasses shatter, and you recall what happened just hours before. He’d missed the presentation of his project. Your throat closes in on itself and you slap a hand to your forehead. Sure, you asked him to tell you if he was starting to catch feelings, but you should’ve known better than to think he’d even realize it before it was too late.
“If you don’t even have a smidge of feelings for him, you’ve gotta stop all of this. For his sake.” Jisung moves over to you so he can give you a supportive hug. “You know he deserves someone who will love him.”
“He’s not in love with me,” you say quickly. “I’ll prove it to you. You’ll see at the party this weekend. He’ll pull some random girl.”
“Sure…” he trails off. “We’ll see, I guess.”
You don’t want to stop.
That’s the only thing whirling through your head when Chenle tells you he’s on his way back to you. Your nerves churn until you’re sick to your stomach, but there’s not a damn thing you can do to change it. He’d never tell you if he got feelings for you. You should’ve known better than to expect that from him. After all, you guys spend nearly every day together, and you don’t have sex all of those days. Or learn physics. Sometimes, the two of you just lay on your bed together, your head buried in his neck, legs tangled until you don’t know which ones are yours anymore.
If he doesn’t put up a fight, it means Jisung was wrong. And that also means you don’t have to distance yourself. If he does…
“(Y/N)?” His voice carries from your living room.
“In here,” you call out to him.
Chenle’s footsteps are barely audible as he makes his way over to you. His form takes up the door frame, where he pauses to study you. He lets his backpack fall from his shoulder, and then he’s climbing onto your bed. With a long sigh, he finds his spot next to you and wraps his arm around your middle.
“That bad?” you ask.
He shakes his head. “I just can’t believe I forgot that.”
You pause for a moment, and the two of you are cascaded into a blanket of silence. He must sense the awkwardness in the air, given the way he gulps and his heart rate speeds up. You lean back to get a good view of his face.
“Why did you?” you ask quietly.
“What?”
“Forget. Why did you forget?”
He blinks, lips parting while he searches for something to say. “I…I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve never done something like that before. I’m glad the teacher still let me present, otherwise I would’ve lost my top spot. And I think that’s the only reason why she did.”
“And you were…okay with that?” You recoil.
“At the time, it really freaked me out.” He frowns. “But even if I lost the top spot, I’d still be in the top ten, so…(Y/N)?”
You roll away from him and out of his grasp, planting your feet on the floor. An overwhelming guilt floods you as you bury your head in your hands. The man in your bed just a couple months ago would’ve dropped dead at a statement like that. He could’ve gone on for hours about how important that spot was to him, and what the hell’s he willing to give that up for?
“Are you okay?” Chenle sits up behind you, fingertips brushing your arm.
“We have to stop.” It was supposed to come out much stronger than it did, but at least you didn’t have to look at him.
“Wha—how did that even—why?” He adjusts to sit next to you, eyebrows furrowed.
“Do you even hear yourself right now?” you snap. “What the fuck is top ten to someone like you? School has been everything to you, and you’re forgetting projects like it means nothing. Have you even been doing your work? You’re with me all the time, and the only thing you’ve been doing school wise is helping me with physics.”
“It was one time, (Y/N), okay?”
“Now you’re lying to me,” you groan in exasperation.
“I…” He gulps and turns his head away from you.
“I told you to tell me if you ever caught feelings, Chenle.” You blink back tears and chew the inside of your cheek while you await his response.
But no matter how much you wait, it doesn’t come. His hands are clasped together in his lap, and he stares down at them, inhaling shaky breaths.
“My God, you’re not even denying it.” You stand up, unable to stop yourself from pacing around the room. “This is what’s making you all complacent about school? Seriously? This is the exact reason you said you didn’t want to date. Or find someone to sleep with, because you didn’t have time—”
“I actually said it was because I hadn’t found anyone worth it,” he finally speaks up, gaze finally lifting to meet yours. “What did you expect would happen? You really thought the virgin would be able to stop himself from falling for you after everything we’ve done? I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted, or if you wanted me to tell you, but by the time I actually realized what was happening, it was too late. I’d lose you. In all aspects, not just…whatever the hell this is.”
“You need to go.”
“After all of this, you don’t even…not even a little bit?”
You do. How do you tell him no and lie right to his face?
“I just put everything out there. The least you can do at this point is tell me if all of this only meant something to me.” Desperation tugs on his features, and he takes a step closer to you. “Did you spend every night with me and still not…”
“Stop,” you shout. “What the hell are you thinking? What is it that you want me to say? It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t have feelings for you, because I would never—”
“Date me?” he interrupts you. “Love me? What’s so bad about either of those things? I’m trying my best out here.”
“Would you let me finish?” You run your fingers through your hair. “I was going to say I would never let you give up your number one spot for any girl. Not just me. Because that’s fucking stupid. And you’re not stupid, Chenle, so you need to remember what’s actually important.”
“(Y/N), please. I can’t go back to how things were. Not when I know what all of this is like.”
“Then maybe we just don’t talk at all.” You clench your fists at your side. The idea breaks your own heart. “It’s not like we have any classes together. The only time we see each other is here anyway.”
“You haven’t denied it, either.” He’s directly in front of you now, watery eyes staring into yours. “You made a big deal of me not denying it, but you haven’t either.”
“Get out.” You point toward your door. “Leave me alone. Just go.”
Now he’s speechless, and the hurt on his face plays out right in front of you. You want to yell and scream because you’re the one causing this. You should’ve seen this coming. When he first approached you and asked you for this, you should’ve said no. If you had turned him away, things would be normal. He wouldn’t have turned complacent about the thing he once cared the most about. But what did that mean? Was it you he was willing to give it up for, or was it the freedom and new experiences you provided?
“You…what about your exam? It’s only a couple weeks before the end of the semester.”
“Don’t worry about me or my grades when you’re not even thinking of your own. Please, Chenle, just go. I’ll bring Jisung here if I have to.” You sniffle, rolling your eyes.
His jaw tightens as he glances up at the ceiling. “Fine. I…Clearly, nothing I say is gonna—yeah. I guess I’ll see you around.”
He grabs his backpack from the floor and slings it over his shoulder, and as soon as he closes the door behind him, you climb into your bed, grab the pillow he always uses, and cradle it to your chest. You don’t mean to let yourself cry, but once you start, you can’t stop.
You barely even remembered telling Jisung that Chenle would go to the party that weekend. To be honest, you’d told him about it, but hope that he won’t come gnaws at the edges of your heart. In all honesty, you didn’t even want to go. And if your best friend hadn’t practically forced you out of bed and to get dressed, you wouldn’t have.
You and Jisung went separate ways once you arrived at Jaemin’s house. Absent-mindedly, you find yourself in the kitchen, mixing a drink. The only way you’ll get through the night is with liquor. Once you walk back towards the living room, you see Jisung standing at the corner. He grins when he notices you.
“Dude, I so thought you were fucking with me. I’ll give it to you though, I guess you were right. You must be a good tutor.” Jisung lets out an obnoxious laugh. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”
“What are you talking about?” You frown.
He nods his head in the opposite direction, and when you follow his gaze, you immediately tense. Of course, Chenle did show up. Not only that, but he’s in full-on conversation with a girl you don’t recognize. Your throat tightens, but you swiftly attempt to ignore it with a quick sip of your drink.
“Never thought he’d get there,” Jisung evaluates him. “She looks like she’s into him.”
“Great.” You try your best not to sound sarcastic.
Jisung side eyes you, but he doesn’t say anything else. He crosses his arms over his chest and proceeds to watch Chenle, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to look in his direction. Your desire to be at this party has significantly decreased, and all you want to do is walk out and forget you ever saw him here. But it doesn’t matter either way—you sent him away. You have no right to be jealous or upset that he’s doing exactly what you taught him to do. If he wants to find a girlfriend or a fling, that’s up to him. And neither option should make you upset, no matter how much you can’t deny that it very much does.
“Oh, shit,” Jisung mutters, a chuckle escaping him.
Your head shoots in Chenle’s direction, and you bristle at the sight. He whispers something in the girl’s ear, and she laughs. Your chest tightens, somewhat desperate to know what he said to her—if it was any of the things he’s ever said to you. Maybe it was something you taught him. He leans away from her, but not all the way. The smile drops from her face, and you know immediately what’s about to happen. You push your cup against Jisung’s chest until he takes it from you.
“I can’t do this.” You shake your head and bolt in the opposite direction, toward the front door. Tears well in your eyes, but they only serve to piss you off. You shouldn’t care—you told him you didn’t.
Jisung drove you, so there’s nowhere for you to go except the front porch. You sit down on the top step, head buried in your palms. Taking a deep breath, you look up in time to see Karina walking out of the house with her keys.
“Are you going home?” you ask.
“Yeah, tonight’s kinda lame.” She scans over you and purses her lips. “You want a ride? I didn’t drink.”
“Fuck, yes. Please.” You launch up and follow Karina to her car.
Thankfully, she doesn’t ask you any questions on the way to your place. As you thank her and step out of the car, she grabs your wrist.
“I think I know what’s going on.” She pauses. “If there’s something you want, (Y/N), you shouldn’t let it go. Because you’ll regret it, okay?”
You nod and gulp. “Thanks, Rina.”
She lets you go and smiles. You close the car door behind you and head up to your apartment, questioning how you let yourself get into this predicament. Why the you from a few months ago didn’t have any clue how easy it would be to fall for someone like Chenle—a man with a kind heart, who cares for you and your wellbeing. You stare at your phone like it’ll light up from his text message, but you put a decent wedge between the two of you with your last conversation. Would he even look at his phone if you texted him? Maybe he’s already taking that girl home. He may learn it wasn’t even you he fell for, but the sex. And when he has sex with another girl, he’ll figure out you’re not special, and—
“God fucking damn it,” you groan, angrily wiping at your tears. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
Your phone vibrates, but it’s a call from Jisung. You sniffle and clear your throat before answering.
“Yeah?”
“Where the hell did you go?” he snaps.
“I’m at home,” you tell him. “Rina drove me home.”
“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” Jisung’s annoyance creeps through. “You just stormed out, but I figured you’d at least tell me if you were leaving the area.”
“Sungs, I’m not really in the mood to be yelled at right now.” You can’t hide the crack in your voice.
“Are you okay?” His voice instantly softens. “Is this about—”
“Don’t. I don’t want anyone else you’re with to know. It’s humiliating, isn’t it? Teaching a man everything you know for him to use it other places.” You chuckle, staring up at your ceiling.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” Jisung sighs. “Because you clearly didn’t want him talking to that girl.”
“You’re making me sound pathetic.”
“Uh.”
“Fuck you, Park Jisung.” You roll your eyes. “You’re not helping.”
“Do you want me to come over?” he asks.
“Stay at the party. I’ll be okay.” You grab Chenle’s pillow and pull it to your chest. “Is he…did he leave?”
“He’s not with her, if that’s what you’re asking. He left. By himself. After I figured out you were gone, I kinda freaked out and there was like…a search party. He didn’t care much about her after that.”
“He’s so annoying,” you huff out. “Why couldn’t he have just…fucked that girl or something?”
“Like you wouldn’t have crumbled to dust at the literal thought of that.” Jisung scoffs. “I know you, (Y/N), and no matter what you say, there’s no way you feel absolutely nothing for him. You’re both suffering because of the denial, you know.”
“What if it’s not really me he wants? Like…what if he just likes the sex and doesn’t realize it yet?” You shake your head.
Jisung lets out a long sigh. “He’s not a child, okay? Just because he hasn’t had sex before or dated anyone doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what that feels like, dude.”
Before you answer, the knock on your front door takes you off guard. You sit up and throw the blanket off your body. Jisung mutters something in the background, but you can’t focus on what he’s saying. When you open the door, you almost stop breathing. You put the phone back up to your ear. “Jisung, let me call you back.”
He doesn’t even have time to respond before you hang up and toss it over to the side. Through the dark, Chenle stares back at you. His fists clench and unclench as he stands there in silence, clearly unsure what to say.
“What are you doing here?” you ask.
“I can’t fucking do this,” he replies. “I need you, okay? Don’t try and lie to me and say you have no feelings for me, because I saw you today. When I acted that way about you and Jeno, you asked me if I had feelings for you. Is that ‘cause you have them, too?”
“Yes.”
“Can you just be honest with—huh?” His brows furrow and his eyes narrow.
“You want the truth, Chenle? Yes. Yes, I like you, but I’m not letting you jeopardize your schooling for any of this. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“I’ll be better,” he says. “I was just…distracted. It felt like every moment with you was fleeting, and I had to get every second I could before you disappeared.” He steps inside your apartment and closes the door.
“Lele, that’s such a big risk.” You feel like you’re shrinking in on yourself. How do you tell yourself it’s okay to be selfish this time if he doesn’t have to give anything up to be with you?
“And I get that. I do. But it’s worth it. You’re worth it. And I don’t want to let you go just because we’re still in school. We can have something real. Honestly, we’ve had that this whole time, and you trying to say we didn’t is doing us both a disservice.”
“What happened with that girl today?” you ask.
“You know what that was. A whole lot of fucking nothing.” He runs his fingers through his hair and wets his lips. “I didn’t even kiss her, by the way. I couldn’t. Seriously, I wanted to because I needed to know if these…feelings I have for you are real. Maybe that’s an awful way to do it, but I figured if I kissed someone else and it felt the same, then I’d be okay without you.”
You don’t say a word. His eyebrows furrow.
“I wanted to kiss her because I thought it’d give me the answer I desperately needed, not because I wanted her specifically. I want you. I’ve wanted you since the first fucking day I met you. And I couldn’t kiss her because she wasn’t you. Nobody will ever be you, and—”
“I love you.”
“—I wish there was a way I could—huh?”
You step closer to him. “You’re right. I love you. From the moment you had stars in your eyes just from talking about them.”
His jaw drops, and relief floods his features, but he flounders for words.
“If you don’t say it back, I might die of embarrassment.”
“God, of course, I fucking love you.” He scoffs, reaching forward to cup your cheeks and pull you to him.
Your lips meet so abruptly, you gasp. Without any hesitation, you wrap your arms around him and weave your fingers through his hair. His chest presses against yours, and whatever battle you’d been trying to fight until this point has been lost.
“You’re gonna be the death of me.” He punctuates each word with another kiss, and he begins to walk you backwards. You cling on to him but allow him to guide you.
“You have to promise you won’t let school fall behind,” you say breathlessly, placing your palms on his chest once you make it to your door frame. “That you won’t lose yourself because of me.”
“I hadn’t known myself until I met you, (Y/N). I’m only me if I’m with you.” Chenle gives you a soft smile. “If you’re mine, I won’t be worried about fleeting moments.”
You nod slowly, pulling him back to you. “I need you.”
He groans against your mouth, wrapping an arm firmly around your waist and walking you back until you’re by the edge of your bed. Without breaking the kiss, he follows you down to the mattress, his weight pressing you into it. You spread your legs to accommodate him, sliding your hands beneath the hem of his shirt to pull it off. He assists you, and as soon as it’s thrown across the room, you reach for him desperately to minimize the amount of time without the two of you connected.
“Say you love me again,” he mutters. “Please.”
“I love you,” you repeat easily, letting out a shaky breath as he reaches beneath your shirt to squeeze your breasts. His thumbs flick over your nipples, and you moan quietly.
“Me, too, baby.” He pulls your shirt off and interrupts the kiss to drag his lips down your neck. “There’s one thing you still haven’t taught me.”
“What’s that?”
“Show me how to make love to you.” He moves down further and takes your nipple in his mouth.
You tangle your fingers in his hair, gasping at the sensation. “Come here, Lele.”
When he’s face to face with you again, the darkness in his eyes has wetness spreading between your legs. He edges closer to you, unable to resist the urge of kissing you again. When he’s barely centimeters away, you lift your hand and trace his bottom lip, entranced by everything he is.
“Some things can’t be taught,” you whisper. “Sometimes, they just have to be felt.”
A ghost of a smile forms beneath your touch, and he nods. While his urgency is still there, he slows down, giving his hands freedom to explore you. Your back arches as his palm slides along your side. He grinds against you, shuddering breaths escaping. You lift up to match him, and you moan when you feel his hard length against your thinly covered core. The lust in his gaze has changed to adoration, a gentle gleam reflecting the moonlight outside as he removes your shorts and panties. His palm sends warmth through your abdomen, and he slowly moves lower.
“Can I?” he murmurs, kissing the corner of your mouth.
“Please.”
He kisses you as a distraction, and you whine when his fingertips press against your clit. Humming in his own form of pleasure, he rubs uniform circles.
“Relax,” he tells you. “You’re so tense, baby. Let me take care of you.”
You immediately melt. “More.”
He parts your lips with his tongue, and as soon as it enters your mouth, his fingers slip inside. You moan, eyes rolling back as you rock your hips. The noises pouring from you can’t be controlled. You break the kiss and gasp when he curls his fingers and hits your spot.
“Fuck, again.” You dig your nails into his shoulders.
He repeats the motion, the tip of his nose brushing along your cheek. In your ear, he says, “I love you. So fucking much.”
A shiver of pleasure runs down your spine. You tilt your head back. “I’m close, fuck.”
He takes your ear lobe between his teeth and tugs, eliciting a cry from the back of your throat. Your walls clamp down wildly on his fingers, but he knows you more than you’d care to admit at this point. Right before you crumble before his eyes, he removes his fingers from you. Before you can protest, he silences you with a kiss.
“Condom?” he asks.
“Up to you,” you reply.
He pushes his pants off and to the floor, and you have a brief moment to admire the bulge straining in his boxers before those are thrown, too. Wrapping his hand around his cock, he inhales sharply as he jerks himself off a couple times.
“Ready, baby?” He climbs over you again, nudging your sensitive clit with his tip.
You nod, tugging him closer. “Hurry up.”
Chenle trails down to line up with your entrance, and he groans when he coats himself in your arousal. “You’re so wet.”
You open your mouth to say something, but he pushes inside of you at the same time. A loud moan escapes instead, making you slap your own hand over your mouth as your walls stretch to accommodate Chenle.
“God, do you know what you fucking do to me?” He drops his head on your shoulder as he bottoms out deep inside you.
Both of you are impatient today, apparently, because he wastes no time in moving his hips. He only leaves the tip in, just to push his hips forward. His moans join yours, the sound enough to make your walls flutter around him.
“So good.” You match his movements, lifting up every time he thrusts.
He speeds up, making sure to press flush against you every time he bottoms out. The sight of him alone is enough to have you trembling, but seeing him entranced by where your bodies are connected has you clenching around him.
He lets out a long moan, and you join him in looking between the two of you. His skin slaps yours, and sounds of your arousal fill the room. His teeth sink into his bottom lip, and he reaches between the two of you to find your clit. The first contact makes you jolt and whine.
You wrap your legs around his waist, smashing your lips to his. He smirks against your mouth, the steady pace of his thumb on your sensitive bud sending spasms down your spine. Your stomach ties in knots, and you squirm beneath him.
“Lele, ‘m gonna cum.” You barely get the words out through your pleasured haze, and he nods, burying his head in your neck and thrusting into you harder. Your legs shake as you tighten them around him, and your entire being ascends as your orgasm slams into you. You moan so loudly, he kisses you to keep you quiet.
“Feels so good.” His voice cracks as he fucks you through your high.
You kiss him hard, and use your legs to flip the two of you over so you’re on top. His jaw drops at the sight of you, hands immediately trailing up your body to your breasts. You give him a second to admire before you start your steady pace. You lean back and brace your palms on his thighs, slowly rolling your hips as you sink down on his cock. He uses the position to put his thumb on your clit again. You jolt, cursing again as you speed up. The sensitivity has your eyes rolling to the back of your head, but the feeling of him snug inside you, rubbing against your walls, has you approaching a second orgasm.
You’re not expecting it, but you hope he lasts long enough to finish you off a second time. Your brain is clouded with pleasure, and one look at him tells you he’s teetering close to the edge. His jaw is clenched, face contorted in pleasure as he stares at you bouncing on top of him. You’re seconds away. Your orgasm builds deep inside you, and your hips falter. He thrusts up, moaning loudly. Legs quaking, your second orgasm hits you hard, back arching. Chenle sits up to catch you crumbling into his chest, rocking his hips. He wraps his arms around you and holds you to him tightly as one last thrust has him spilling deep inside you. Both of you are covered in sweat, panting in the aftermath of the pleasure.
“Fuck.” He pants, burying his head in your neck and kissing where it joins with your shoulder. “‘M never gonna get used to that.”
When you chuckle, he squirms and gasps.
“Did you know you like, clench when you laugh?” He squeezes your hips. “We’ve been doing this for months, and I’m still learning.”
“The human body is wonderful,” you tease him. “Maybe you’ll switch from physics to anatomy.”
“The only anatomy I’m curious about is yours.” He holds you close and turns you on your back. Placing one last kiss on your forehead, he pulls out of you slowly. A lazy smile graces his face as he sees the sticky mess between your legs.
“You weirdo.” You nudge him with your foot.
He grabs your ankle and yanks you down closer to him. Hovering over you, he narrows his eyes. “Me being a weirdo is solely your fault, you know.”
“I suppose you’ve earned it.” You pretend to think about it. “Kiss me.”
He doesn’t hesitate to lean down and press his lips to yours, the movement softer and slower than before. You don’t mean to let out a long sigh of pleasure, but his breath shudders against your mouth. “Don’t do that,” he whines. “I’ll get hard again.”
“Why don’t we go shower together?” You twirl his hair.
“Mm, you gonna let me wash your hair?” He presses soft kisses up your neck. “I’ll take any excuse to touch you, baby.”
“You’re getting good at this.” You laugh and rest your head back on the pillow. “You never would’ve talked like that before. It’s sexy.”
He hums and nips your skin. “That’s your magic.”
After a few more moments of him doting on you, the two of you get in the shower. The two of you stand under the water, relaxing in the hot steam and each other’s embrace. His hands trail over your body until he’s eventually cupping your breasts.
“Hear me out,” he mutters. “How about we both just drop out and stay exactly like this forever.”
“Sounds great in theory, Lele, but you made a promise.”
He groans. “I made a few promises tonight. Don’t worry, I meant all of them.”
His thumbs brush your nipples until they harden beneath his touch. He pins you to his chest with his arm, continuing his work on your breast as his other hand trails down your body. Apparently, you’ve turned him into something insatiable, but you definitely benefit from it. He stops with his hand on your hip.
“Need something, baby?”
The tone of his voice sends a chill down your spine, and mixed with hot water cascading over you, you moan. You clench your thighs together, desperate for friction.
He adjusts to pinch your nipple, rolling it between his fingers. “Feel good?”
“Touch me,” you whine, grabbing at his wrist to push him between your legs.
“If it were socially acceptable, I’d be touching you at all times.” His fingertips find your clit. “You’re so fucking warm, and those little sounds you make…”
“Faster,” you say as you arch your back.
“But you’re so sensitive,” he whispers. “I’m having fun like this.”
“Lele, please.” You drop your head back. “I need you.”
“Music to my fucking ears.” He sinks two fingers inside you, his palm smacking against your clit every time he thrusts them in.
Your arousal gushes over him, and he bites down on his bottom lip to keep any sounds at bay. He stops working your nipple, too focused on the way your walls clamp on his fingers. You whine at the loss, putting your hand over his to tell him to keep playing with you.
He pulls his fingers out, trailing the wetness along your thighs. Right when he pinches your nipple, he does the same to your clit. You jolt and cry out, rolling your hips to get more stimulation.
“I wanna fuck you so bad right now,” he groans. “You always look so fucking pretty when you want me like this.”
“I can take it,” you tell him as you squeeze your thighs together. “Anything you give me, I’ll take it.”
A deep moan escapes him, and the next thing you know, he’s pulling you back so he can bend you over.
“Hands on the wall,” he instructs.
Once you’re fully bent over, you push back against him, desperate for him to fill you. He strokes his cock, gaze stuck directly on your core. He reaches around your body, squeezing your breasts again.
He releases you and lines himself up with your entrance. Right when you think he’ll push inside, he rubs his tip on your clit. Without warning, he slides completely inside, his tip resting snug against your spot from this angle. You scream, already pushing your hips back.
Neither of you have time to breathe before he’s thrusting hard, nails digging into your skin as he pulls you back with every forward movement. Your hands slip down the wall, the squeak of the tile doing nothing but adding to the pleasure of him inside you. The water amplifies the clapping sounds of his body against yours, and your eyes roll back from all of the overwhelming feelings.
“Lele,” you whine. “S-spread my legs a little more.”
He does as you ask, still thrusting at a slower pace.
“Now keep going how you were.” You push back until he’s buried deep inside you.
He seems to understand your motive without you explaining it, and you thank everything you can think of that he’s so fucking smart. When he resumes his unrelenting pace, it’s joined with his balls smacking into your clit. Every thrust has your walls fluttering around him, and each hit on your sensitive bud brings you closer to your much needed orgasm.
“Just like that.” You can barely speak at this point, fucking yourself back on his cock to match his pace.
A knot ties in your stomach, and you’re left delirious as you chase the unraveling of it. You let out your loudest moan yet, letting all of the sensations around you drive you over the edge. Chenle curses behind you as your walls clamp down on him, but he keeps moving. It doesn’t take long for your pleasure to turn into overstimulation from him rubbing against your walls.
As soon as an unfamiliar cry leaves you, he stops immediately.
“Are you okay?” he asks, panting.
“I–I can’t keep—fuck, I’m sorry.” You clench your fists together.
“No, baby, it’s okay.” He carefully pulls out of you and guides you back to your feet. “Don’t be sorry. You’d never be mad at me for something like that.”
“But you—”
“The fact you even let me in at all still baffles me.” He chuckles, pulling you in for a short kiss. His cheeks are bright red, and while he’s brushing your hair out of your face, an idea comes to mind.
“Let me fix it.” You kiss his cheek.
Before he has the opportunity to ask what you’re talking about, you’re guiding him until his back is against the wall. The chill of the tile makes his cock twitch, and you wish you could take him again. Instead, you lower yourself down onto your knees.
“You’re—the tile’s gonna hurt your—”
“Do you want to cum in my mouth or on my face?”
He gulps. “You don’t have to—”
“Answer the question.” You glare up at him, and he curses.
“Your face. If that’s okay.”
You chuckle. “I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t.”
“It kinda—it sounds so hot but I don’t want you to think it’s demeaning or anyth—oh, fuck.” His head drops against the wall when you take him in your mouth. You sink further and further until he’s snug down your throat, your nose pressed to his pelvis.
You hollow your cheeks as you pull away from him. He slides out with a pop, and when you look up at him, his jaw is dropped.
“First of all, if I was worried about you looking down on me, we would not be having sex at all. Second, don’t be shy. Grab my hair. Fuck my throat, I don’t care.”
His eyes widen, and like you’ve awoken something inside him, he grabs the back of your head and pushes you forward. You grin smugly before wrapping your lips around his tip. Running your tongue along to gather his precum, you grab onto his thighs to keep you steady.
“C’mon, baby, take it.” He inhales sharply as he pushes his cock into your mouth. You let him take full control, humming around him.
The vibrations make his hips jerk, and his tip slams into the back of your throat. You whimper, tears welling in your eyes.
“‘M sorry,” he groans, thrusting at a steady pace. “Just feels so fucking good. Smack me if you need to stop.”
You give him the best nod you can and brace yourself against him. It doesn’t take long for his orgasm to approach after he has your confirmation. He holds your head firmly, letting out a high pitched moan as you gag and your throat constricts around him.
He mutters something incoherent, and you pull away from him and stroke him with your hand instead. As soon as his hips buck, you open your mouth. Strings of white shoot from his tip, and you close your eyes as it coats your face. You swallow what lands on your tongue, panting as you look up at him.
“Oh,” he murmurs, the tips of his fingers lifting your chin up.
His thumb swipes over your bottom lip, and before he can rinse away his release, you lean forward and wrap your lips around him.
“My fucking God, you’re dangerous.” He kisses you, guiding you back beneath the water to rinse you off. You sigh into his kiss, finally letting the warmth relax you completely.
“We should get out soon,” you tell him.
“I don’t ever want to be away from you.” He shakes his head. “Let me at least wash your hair like I said I would.”
You laugh and roll your eyes. “You’re the one who got sidetracked, by the way.”
“And you love me for it. You said it yourself.” He beams at you, grabbing your shampoo from the shelf.
“That is the truth.” You wrap your arms around him and allow him to work his fingers through your hair.
After your hair is washed, the two of you get out of the shower. Both of you are beyond exhausted, so you end up right back in bed together, you curled into him like he’s a body pillow. He runs his fingers up and down your spine.
“Think Jisung’ll kill us?” he asks, sleep weighing down his voice.
“Who cares?” You listen to the steady sound of his heartbeat. “We’re happy.”
Chenle pulls you impossibly closer and presses his lips to the top of your head. If anyone told you when you first met him that this is how it was going to work out with Chenle, you would’ve laughed in their faces.
But life works in mysterious ways, and not only are you happier with Chenle in your life, but you’re a bit smarter, too.
#nct dream#chenle#nct#nct dream smut#nct smut#nct imagines#chenle smut#nct scenarios#nct dream angst#nct dream fluff#nct x reader#chenle x reader#chenle scenarios#nct dream chenle#nct chenle#nct fluff#nct angst#chenle fluff#chenle angst#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios
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Baby Daddy
summary: you visit your sons father after he forgets to pick him up and he reminds you how he made you a mommy in the first place.
pairing: nightclub owner! toji fushiguro x slightly deranged fem reader ! megumis mommy
content MDNI: smut, squirting, dacryphyllia, breeding, slight violence, threats of violence, creampie, fingering, oral (fem receiving), vaginal sex, daddy kink, overstimulation, cumplay, degradation, toxic, unprotected sex, choking, slight fluff .
Livid doesn’t begin to describe how you feel, you had told him you were going to be working late and that he’d have to pick Megumi up. He simply sent a thumbs up.
Of course he couldn’t be counted on because around three o’clock the preschool was calling you to let you know your four year old was still there.
You felt anger bubble in you as you called your mother to pick him up and spammed the father of your son with angry messages that all went ignored.
you: you forgot to pick up our son asshole.
you: Im gonna gut you like a fucking pig.
you: keep ignoring me, just you wait till I get off of work.
you: TOJI!
Around nine you got off and drove straight to the filth he called his job. Your heels tap against the pavement as you stomp toward the front of the line, the bouncer takes one look at you and immediately opens the rope.
You roll your eyes at the protest from the people waiting in line as you make your way in. Red and blue lights flash as the music threatens to burst your ear drum. Your fingers thrum against your thigh as you take it all in from the sweaty bodies grinding against eachother to the half naked women dancing on poles.
Your ex thinks he a genius for combining a strip club and nightclub into one.
You shove through the crowd of sweaty bodies not bothering to say excuse me, you couldn’t give a shit when your hands are so desperately itching to wrap around Tojis neck and snuff the life from his empty eyes.
You reach the stairs to the VIP, and grip onto the rail as you climb up. You see him in his favorite section, legs spread with two girls on either side of him while he engages in conversations with several men in suits.
Tojis hand rubs circles into one of the girls thighs and you see red. You walk toward them with your arms crossed and a deadly look that can only come from a pissed off mother. You don’t play about your son, and everyone’s about to learn that.
You step inbetween the group, standing infront of them. The conversation dies down and Toji looks up at you before rolling his eyes. You raise a brow and laugh humorlessly.
“Is this what deadbeat dads do?” You question watching his hand squeeze the girls thigh on his right.
“The fuck are you doing here?” He asks and you glare.
“You forgot to pick up my son. Maybe if you were dead or had a bullet lodged in you, I could understand,” you say slowly walking around the couch. You lean behind him, your lips to his ear.
“But instead you parade around with whores?” You ask before your fists wraps around the girls hair on his right. She squeals as you yank her up.
“I’ll give you a tip of advice, both of you. He might fuck like a caveman but he’s as useless as one too,” you say before tossing the girl till she hits the ground. His green eyes narrow in at you before you notice the girl getting up. Her hand strikes down to hit you but Tojis already standing and gripping her wrist.
“Leave,” he says to her and the other girl. His voice is deep and commanding. You watch both girls scurry as someone laughs. You turn to see the men staring at you.
“I forgot how deranged she is,” sukuna says with a smirk, avoiding the glare Toji gives him.
“Have anything to say for yourself before I put a bullet between your eyes?” You question Toji, ignoring his asshole of a friend.
“You’re fucking irritating,” Toji sighs and you point a finger at him.
“Me? What’s irritating is that your son idolizes you and you can’t be bothered to do one simple fucking thing,” you seethe as he stands up and grips your forearm. You try to pull away but his grip is like steel as he pulls you toward his office.
He slams the door and locks it as you cross your arms looking up at him with malice.
He pushes you down onto the couch, standing over you like some intimidation tactic but all it does is send a heat between your legs. His hand grips your chin and forces you to look at him.
“You think embarassing me is funny, showing up like some psycho?” He asks, your eyes glaring into his.
“Answer me” he say harshly, his thumb running over your bottom lip and you squeeze your legs shut. The action doesn’t go unnoticed by him.
“This turning you on, slut?” He asks, his thumb pushing into your mouth and your tongue glides against the pad of it. He groans as you stare at him with big doe eyes.
He drops to his haunches, thumb still in your mouth as his hand pries your thighs open. You spread them wide and he hisses at the sight of your bare pussy, glistening with your arousal.
He pulls his thumb from your mouth and pushes your skirt up till it’s bunched around your hips. Your tummy tightens as he leans his face toward your cunt and your fingers grip at the raven tendrils of hair as he inhales. He groans as you start leaking on the leather of the sofa, hoping you ruin this couch.
“Always so fucking wet for me, only me,” he says looking up at you as you feel a large finger swipe up your pussy and your belly coils, it’s been so long, too long.
“She misses daddy,” he says, thumbing your clit and you whimper, biting your lip.
“Please…” you beg and he smirks.
“So fucking desperate, it’s pathetic” he says, your need for orgasm clouds your anger as you feel one of his finger enter you and you gasp. He fucks into you with slow strokes, knowing it’ll only annoy you. But your pussy clenches on the one finger he gives you and you tug on his hair making him laugh.
“Two or three baby?” he asks.
“Three,” you whine and feel three fingers prodding at your cunt until they slam in, forcing you to arch your back as he fucks into you like a madman.
His free hand presses down on your belly, feeling it tighten with each thrust. The wet sounds of your cunt fill the room with your cries.
You feel your hips lifting to meet his thrust but stop when you feel the wet muscles of his tongue press torturous kisses to your clit. You feel yourself shaking, when he licks up and down your cunt. His green eyes bore into yours, sinfully.
His teeth nip at your clit before his mouth latches on and sucks the bud that sends you crying.
Your legs squeeze around him but he keeps going feeling your arousal dripping down his fingers with each thrust and he curves then until he’s hitting that one spot only he’s ever been able to hit.
You cry biting your lip as your vision dots and your body starts to tremble, his fingers pull out and his mouth laps at your cunt like he hasn’t eaten in years.
His tongue flattens against you until he’s dragging it and thrusting into your hole, tasting your arousal. He groans and it sends vibrations into your pussy before he moves to your clit.
He laps and sucks at it until you’re bucking against his face, thighs squeezing around his head and you feel yourself tremble as you scream and clear hot liquid squirts from your body.
It coats his face, his mouth and his shirt as he continues eating you through your orgasm. You fall back into the couch slumped and tired as he pulls off you.
Your eyes open when you feel a sharp slap to your pussy that has you clenching at nothing.
You glare at him as his fingers move to lift your shirt over your head but you don’t stop him. Your tits spill out and his hands instantly grip them.
“I’m gonna fucking ruin you,”he whispers against your chest, his tongue grazing a nipple before his mouth latches on and the his free hand rolls your other nipple in his fingers.
Toji loves messy sex, covering you in his saliva and his cum. His saliva covers your tit until he’s moving onto the other one, you cry out as you tug his hair, hips bucking against his torso.
“Need you inside me” you cry out, feeling his fingers ghost over your weeping pussy.
“Please daddy,” you beg, you never beg unless it’s sex and he loves that because sex is the only time he gets to dominate you. You walk him like a fucking dog day and night so he makes sure to fuck you till you’re reminded who’s in charge. (still you, he’s delusional)
“You want daddy to fuck this tight little pussy,” he asks and you nod desperate to feel his body against yours, to feel his cock kissing your cervix. He pulls away and lifts his shirt off, you feel the urge to cum at the sight.
His bodies large and bulging with muscles, your nails drag up his abs before they reach and graze the large bulge in his pants. He’s yours, no matter the time apart, the anger and the distance. He’s yours and he always will be, you both know that.
He snatches your hand away from his crotch, gripping your wrist tightly before he forces you toward his desk. He tosses the picture of you and Megumi onto the couch before he slides everything off his desk, sending it all crashing to the floor. You belly tightens with anticipation as he bends you over the desk, ass up and cheek pressed against wood.
A sharp slap hits your ass and you cry out.
“You ever talk to me like that again and I’ll fuck you stupid infront of everyone,” he says before he slaps your ass again and you grip the sides of the desk, feeling your arousal dripping down your thigh.
“It’s taking everything not to fuck that bratty fucking mouth reckless,” he says as you hear the sound of his belt buckle and your thighs clench. It’s your favorite fucking sound other than the sound of his skin slapping against yours.
You feel something hard, hot and heavy slap against your ass. An all too familiar feeling that has you biting your lip, waiting for him to stretch you but he doesn’t.
His large hands grip the back of your thighs and spread your legs wide, before you feel his tongue on your pussy. His tongue licks from your clit and back sending shocks thrumming through your body before he pulls away.
“please…daddy!” You whine as you feel him drag the tip of his cock up and down your pussy, teasing it in your juices as his precum leaks out.
You open your mouth to beg again until you feel him slam inside of you in one hard and painful thrust that has you screaming. Tears gather in your eyes as he moves inside of you, his left hand grips your hip and his right hand grips the back of your head, threading his fingers through your hair.
He’s fucking into you with anger, his hand grips your hip in a bruising grip. The sound of your ass slapping against his pelvis has you creaming around him.
You feel his balls slap your clit and cry out. Your hips rock against the desk painfully, he’s tearing you apart, ruining you like he promised. You try to squeeze your legs shut but his knees nudge you open and his cock batters your cervix, tears pour from your eyes and down your cheeks at how full you feel.
“Who’s fucking you?” he asks, his hand moving from your hair to wrap around your throat, lifting you up till your back is flush against his chest and the new angle has your cunt sopping.
“Daddy, daddy’s inside me,” you cry feeling his tongue lick the tip of your ear. His hand releases your throat and forces you to look at him, his mouth presses against yours in a bruising kiss. His tongue swiping at your bottom lip as his cock pistons in and out of you.
Your tongue desperately seeks his, feeling the hot and wet muscle tangle with yours. The kiss becomes messy as your body tremors. He swallows your screams and licks at your tears as you cum around him, squirting all over his cock and the floor. You shake as he forces you back against the desk.
“Too much, I can’t” you sob at the overstimulation as he beats into your cervix.
“You can take it, gonna fill this pussy up. Gonna make you a mommy again,” he says and the thought has you clenching around him.
“Megumi wants a little sister, daddy can’t disappoint,” he says fucking into you so hard, it’s bruising your ass.
“Gonna fill this pussy till you’re swollen, my little cum dump,” he grunts as your tongue falls out of your mouth. You drool on the desk as he keeps fucking you and your pussy clamps around him, you cum again, covering him in squirt. You sob against the desk, it’s too much, your pussy feels abused.
“No more I cant, I cant. Nnnghh too much,” you sob feeling his fingers brush against your clit and your knees bend inward. He bites into your shoulder and you feel a rush of thick cum paint the walls of your pussy.
You moan at the feeling of him filling you, his thrusts become slow and lazy as mini orgasms rack through you until he finally pulls out. He flips you over and lifts you up so you’re sitting on the desk.
He pries your legs open and watches his cum gush out of your puffy and swollen pussy. You watch as his fingers scoop up the cum and shove them hard inside of you making you cry out.
“So fucking messy,” he says before slapping your pussy and you shake. He leans over you and presses a kiss to your lips, this one more gentle before he’s gathering your clothes. He slides your skirt down and helps you put on your shirt. He leans down and presses a kiss to each foot before he’s shoving them into each heel.
Guilt consumes you and you look down. It’s been a year since you separated, and he’s been trying to fix things. He’s been doing everything right until he forgot Megumi, and it hurt you.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He asks, gripping your chin and making you look at him.
“Why’d you forget Megumi?” You ask, your eyes watering.
“Baby, I texted you our inspection got moved today so I wasn’t gonna be able to get him,” he says but you never received a text.
He pulls his phone out, you inhale at the lockscreen of you and Megumi. You notice the several messages on his lockscreen from you and he reads through them, before looking up at you with a raised brow and you blush. He unlocks the phone and opens your messages, he scrolls up to see a red exclamation next to the his text indicating it never sent. You feel your hurt fade away as he sighs.
“I’ll make sure it actually sends next time,” he says and you nod.
“I’m sorry,” you breathe as he leans down to press his forehead against yours.
“It’s okay, seeing you that angry gets me hard,” he says and you roll your eyes.
“You fucking those girls?” You ask and he shakes his head.
“No, it’s only you, always you,” he says and your heart skips.
“Good but if you touch another bitch again, I’ll cut your fucking hands off,”.
note: ahhh this is like my first time writing smut fr fr and I was so nervous you guys omg… also deciding to join tumblr and write on here so I’m excited! Hope y’all enjoy and sorry for any writing errors, this was typed on the phone!
#toji fushiguro#toji fushigro x reader#toji zenin#toji smut#toji fushiguro smut#toji x reader#jjk#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#zenin clan#salemgojo#gojo satoru#choso kamo#nanami kento#sukuna#geto suguru
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Why You're Single
Yeah. Here you go.
Please choose between the numbers one, two or three. Or, choose one of the following charms. From left to right is one two or three.
One is the teapot, two is Blossom from powerpuff girls, and three is a sparkly blue clip.
This may be brutal. Don’t hate me, or if you do, you’re allowed I guess but just move on and get a little treat or something. Always a little treat.
GROUP ONE
UNREQUITED LOVE (SPECIAL ATTENTION)
PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS
GIVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP A CHANCE (SPECIAL ATTENTION)
You got some quite funny mini cards in my opinion, one was literally The Joker, which made sense when I turned over Pay attention to red flags. Then the other could be a hint to yourself or someone important. It was a king card, not sure which one. The animal depicting it was a monkey.
That could signify to me (yes, I do read into everything) that someone could have been ‘monkeying around’, someone likes monkeys, someone is silly as a characteristic. It also has another side that shows a football. So someone could be a football player or really into it (or soccer), or they like to watch it. This could be yourself, a past or current interest. There is also the letter M as a possible initial, doesn’t have to mean anything.
So what I’m going to do, I’ll give you the basic run down on each card meaning but I will be looking at what I feel when I look at the images for you.
Unrequited love – There’s not enough attraction or chemistry to keep this relationship going. Speaks about one of the two retreating and disappearing often. Talks about how some can attract unhealthy situations with another romantically to try and heal childhood wounds. You deserve to be in a relationship with mutual love, respect and attraction. Ask the angels to help you attract someone of a similar nature.
Oooooof. Your intuition strikes again and again but you seem to keep ignoring it, or something holds you back from taking action on your insights. All very valid, not gonna judge. But I see in the woman’s face that she knows something is wrong in an interaction with a suitor, but she stays planted in place. It’s like she has trouble walking away. Maybe she is scared what the suitor will do if she walks away. Maybe she doesn’t like to be cruel, maybe she has issues saying no. This could be connected to possible childhood wounds, like the original meaning suggests.
I see a past love interest (whether serious or not) may have genuinely hurt your feelings. Repeatedly. This could be on a scale of low to high severity on what may have happened.
I’m going to be straight up, pretty fast. This combination of cards just gives me the initial thought that you could be giving the wrong people chances. You may have chased after love interests that didn’t show you the time of day compared, you seem to naturally be interested or go after those that don’t really seem for you, versus people that would be helpful or healthy for you. I get the thought block in my brain of liking drama (thinking it means something is happening), or thinking attraction is something that true attraction…isn’t quite? Love means something different to you, it’s misconstrued. The expression of it, at least.
It’s like if someone hurt you, but they came back and it was this big thing, or event or something. It’s like you want to be proven to that you are wanted. Maybe, just maybe there’s a part of someone here who deep down thinks if they can have someone interested in them or love them that initially seemed unreachable…Then finally, that means they are wanted.
But in reality, this is just you giving and giving, I think.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS – The signs are cautioning you. If you are swept up in a new romance, this card is cautioning you. Pay attention to your feelings and thoughts. Don’t allow emotion to blind you to characteristics or habits that won’t serve you in the relationship. A red flag is a sign that something is off. Indications of dishonesty, disrespect, flirtatiousness with others, substance abuse, lack of integrity etc. A person may treat you very well at the start, but watch for the way they treat others. Red flags can be markers for healing, in the right places.
Nah, nah nah nahhhh. I feel like you have given attention to people who were definitely nowhere near your level. What are you doinnnnn. Your angels are saying protect yourself, protect yourself. Giving too many chances for the wrong people to talk to you, you’re giving people the time of day and they don’t deserve any attention at all. I see someone trying to appear more smart or well learned than they are, nooooo. Excuse me while I get a bucket. It’s like “Yeah this thing you brought up, I know all about it, let me talk over you or teach you to assert my dominan…I mean attractiveness.”
But I kind of see you putting on a mask. And it’s not in way that’s on purpose I don’t think. Or to manipulate for gains. I guess subconsciously it’s to manipulate for something you think you desire. Maybe. This mask, it could be as simple as people pleasing. It could be that you don’t quite express your honest self out of shyness or fear. That’s a journey in itself, and you’ll feel comfortable being yourself when it’s the right person.
People might say they want something, and ghost. People might say they want to try and fix something, but go back to a pattern. People say a lot of stuff. Give your relationship a chance just makes me think you could be listening to what people say, more than looking at what they do. And they’re wasting your time. And that’s not fair. Watch the person. Watch what they value. When they say they want something, do they make plans? When they say they love their family and they’re a family person, do they even spend time with them? They say they love football? (lol) well do you see them going to matches? Do they ever have it on tv?
It says in the meaning for this card, if you do end a relationship, know that you gave it your all. But some things and people don’t deserve your all, because they never gave it theirs. So don’t effing give it. Watch and wait and see if someone deserves all of you. Because you deserve all of the right person.
Jeysus.
Right angel card guidance/notes and charms.
You have a penny which has me thinking see a penny pick it up…You know the rest, and be mine.
You’ve got count your blessings – Study and learning – Live your joy
You’ve got a lot going on in life and a lot going for you. You’re a smart cookie, and you’ll learn more how to navigate romance and relationships, but for now I feel like one or more have wasted your time, which annoys me a bit to be honest, because you have cool stuff to do. Way cooler than entertain dorks. You know more than a lot of these people that might approach you, so don’t let them think you’re not as smart as them either. The more you live your life, enjoy yourself and pay attention to your schoolwork, studies or work, the more likely you are to energetically attract someone better for you. It’s like releasing shackles. You don’t need to prove anything, you don’t need validation, you are your own darn blessing and you will be the ultimate blessing in someone elses life. So the next one better be real, and better know they’re talking to a good egg.
I do like eggs.
That’s it good luck look at your childhood but don’t forget your cool hobbies or to get one.
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GROUP 2
PASSION – allow your heart and soul to sing with joy
CHILDREN – Your love life is being affected by children
ATTRACTION – You attract romantic love by enjoying this moment fully
Mini cards are jelly fish and tent. Jelly fish makes me think you’ve been stung. Tent makes me think of a safe place outside.
Your charms are D as a possible initial, and flowers may be special to you, especially cherry blossoms or pink flowers.
Passion talks about reviving passion in your own life. Romantic improvements beginning with yourself. Maybe things have been a bit apathetic lately, or mundane. Maybe you’ve been focussed on just getting on with things. It says when you can enjoy your life completely and be involved in it, it brings that energy into your relationships. Suggests that you could meet someone through hobbies, activities or causes.
Children suggests that yourself, or a love interest may be affected by children right now. So perhaps you are looking after a child currently, perhaps you work with children. Sometimes this can mean inner child work. The meaning says there could be a need to be more playful or lighthearted, or it’s time to heal an inner child wound. (I personally would recommend guided meditations, there are some free ones on youtube.)
Attraction says you are most attractive when you are being yourself and enjoying yourself in the moment. (so many hints to play, have fun, do something interesting or a hobby). Your joyful laughter, self expression and body language are beautiful. If you are straining to find romance, can create stress and unpleasant consequences physically as a result of stress but also energetically. The fear that you may not find someone can create blocks. Enjoy simple things in life such as flowers or art, and visualize what a loving healthy relationship looks like to you.
All together this is out right just telling me you’re too stressed. It’s like your body freezes up when someone tries to invite you to dance, or play a game. It’s like you’re not used to relaxing, and you’re naturally tense. I’m going to check with you now – are your shoulders high up, is your jaw clenched? What about your back. Is it straight or hunched? Listen to your body.
First, I suggest you go out just with you yourself and you, no judgement, no eyes one you. Go out and enjoy a day at the museum, or a café, or visit a historical place. Whatever seems interesting. Or even just dance like a weirdo in your living room with no one there. I feel like you need to be more yourself and in your body. Because, I feel like you could attract the right person, it’s just a matter of you being ready and in the right place mentally.
If there are childhood wounds like suggested, this could be around self-expression or individuality. Or maybe you didn’t feel allowed to enjoy things. Just some brainstorming.
I am seeing that having a partner who is kind is very important to you. Someone familial, someone loving. Maybe you even want someone who is passionate, even a go getter. But I feel like that’s something that you can be, too. You don’t have to wait for that type of energy to come into your life. I get the idea that maybe you play it safe. Maybe it’s time for you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. You never know if you will either really light up a connection already, or if you’ll attract someone you never would have before.
Your angel card is study and learning. This goes hand in hand with doing something new or getting involved in a hobby/cause. Maybe you could meet someone at school/university? The book meaning suggests asking yourself ‘what is this situation teaching me?’. While you’re single, what do you think is happening for you? What does it enable for you? If you’ve been considering taking a course or learning something new, the angels are giving a yes to that. I see as well that someone could get your attention because they are interested in the same thing you are. Mutual interests are a great ice breaker.
There you go group 2, I’m hoping that you have some fun soon, let loose a little.
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GROUP 3
You seem like you’ve been working hard. Backs hurting here at the top.
Gone and given me more cards to read, lolllll
Okkkkkkk.
You guys are always on the go, that’s why. These mini cards just have a car and a plane taking off. You’re too darn busyyyy.
For charms, I have ‘love’ and what I call a mystery, because the purple looks mysterious. With the hello kitty charm. I see this is maybe you see love as a mystery, maybe you have never been in love or experienced it yet regardless of age. Maybe relationships are confusing to you right now. The cat and the mystery seem to me like maybe you’re mysterious and/or hold back a bit too much.
HONEYMOON
Do you like traveling? Or do you travel for work? This could be affecting your chances to hold down a partnership right now. It’s not inherently bad, it just is what it is. However, practically speaking, most people stay put and would like to have their partner with them most of the time. Decisions/priorities may need to adapt or there may need to just be acceptance of the situation.
CODEPENDENCY
Addictions are affecting your romantic life.
DECEPTION
Someone is wearing a false self-mask in this relationship
TRUE LOVE
This is the romance of a lifetime
A lot of you here seem to have a soft heart, and as a result, can be easily hurt and it may be more difficult for you than others to overcome when others lose your trust or harm you. It may take longer, or you might find things to distract yourself, from games/socializing, all the way to the other side of the spectrum such as harmful substances.
I feel like I might have to be a bit hard line with you here. There are a few possibilities with this combination of cards, and honestly there’s no real judgement because they can be common, but it may be things that people don’t like to hear, quite frankly.
Some here might be scared of love so they jet off, or are always on the move or tend to run from potential relationships. It’s like a secret little inner self sabotage person in the back of your brain. Figuratively speaking.
Someone here may have been cheated on (I’m sorry) and ever since have kind of lamented about it, and been afraid of trusting again so you may wear a mask of not caring or being more interested in something/someone else. You may do things just for show, to protect your feelings and ego.
Someone here might have been the ‘toxic’ one, and this has been a growth experience, even if upsetting.
There may also be idealistic thinking and unrealistic expectations, which is not what true love is in the grand scheme of life.
Codependency is what it says on the tin. This could be within relationships (for example needing validation or attention, feeling that you can’t do something without a particular person, feeling like you need their permission, even.) or substances, or activities. Some co-dependency’s in life are more subtle than others. You can even be addicted to work. It may give a sense of meaning to the point you rely on it to feel important or valued.
Deception shows that you aren’t being real with others romantically, but it also means with yourself, too. Take some time to understand your real desires and priorities. It can also mean you’ve had people lie to you, and you find it hard to trust and open up. My advice for that would be to try, but wait and watch for a little bit and open up bit by bit yourself. It doesn’t have to be all at once. It’s not true love when someone just let’s their whole life story out at the first conversation, though some might like to think that. It just means they like talking.
It’s important for you to be honest with others as well, even if you feel paranoid that they won’t be honest with you. You can attract the energy by being it. Keep having integrity.
Overall, I see fear, and using something to run away. You may claim to want a partner/healthy relationship but you are your own barrier. You deserve a healthy relationship that is loving and full of mutual trust. But do you agree?
Please don’t let shame hold you back from enjoying your life moving forward as a human being. Everyone deserves love.
Your angel advice is
Don’t hate, meditate – Thank you angels for sending me love through meditation
Synchronicity – Thank you angels, I trust your well timed guidance and signs.
Yeah, you’ve definitely been burnt. The angels say any time you feel the anger or frustration, to close your eyes and connect. The meaning says that these feelings don’t serve you and they will help you to remove them. It talks about having an independent and self sufficient soul, but the angels invite you to meditate and ask for their help. Every time you think of the ‘hate’ word, just try and switch to something you love.
I want to say to remember that you’re better than this, as well. You’re growing into a better person every day, and if you’ve been wronged, you’re miles further in development than they are. So never lower yourself, and never lower your standards. You’re both strong and kind in your own way and you deserve a unique soul, someone who understands things differently too.
Synchronicity talks about how some things happen for a reason in life. They’re asking you to trust the process and try and have faith. They also suggest if there’s a project you’ve been thinking of, now is the perfect time to start. I see Neptune, so it makes me think of a creative project.
Ok good luck with your romantic life and your whole life in general hope something cool happens bye
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Well that was interesting. No tomato throwing please. Have a good dayyy
#pac#divination community#divination#tarotblr#pick a card reading#crystals#self care#pick a card#free reading#free psychic reading#tarot#angel cards#spiritblr#spiritual community#witchblr#tarot community#free tarot reading#free oracle reading#oracle cards#free angel reading#romance angels
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It has to happen because you made the rules
Hi babyyyy
I hope you’re not procrastinating
I feel like you are
Lemme tell you this then
STOP PROCRASTINATING STOP BEING LAZY
Dude you’re literally just laying down
How much lazier could getting in the void state get?
You’re “trying”
You’re asking “how”
There’s only so many “how’s” before you realize
There’s no more information to pile up
How about you just lay down
Forget everything your desires included
Just chill
My baby you’re too cute to be stressed
Stop doing that
Yo you don’t get this stressed to go to sleep do you?
I’m confused
So you can say dream
Sleep
Disassociate
Fantasize etc
You mean to tell me you can do ALL THESE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUR 3D
But you can’t get in the void?
Yeah that’s right
You can’t
Why?
Cuz you assumed it
This is your life bitch
So why are you fighting against yourself?
You’re the one who discovered this
You’re the one who has been here since the beginning of YOUR time(birth)
You’re the one who’s gonna be in YOUR life forever
And YOU discovered the void and LOA
So if anything
Your self concept should be sky high
Cuz you’re that bitch
And you’ll always be
Nobody is above you
We are all baddies
We are all god
We are all powerful
All you’re doing
Is what I always tell you
On my other posts
Lay down
Use a method or don’t
It’s up to you
Use a subliminal or don’t
Your choice
But vibe
Literally don’t even think of your desires and don’t think of the void as a place
It’s not a place
It’s an experience
You dream
Not a place but an experience
Everything you’re doing
Even right now is an experience
Your home is a place
But you living in it and doing things in it
Is experiencing it
Experience is not equivalent to a place because places like homes restaurants etc are just places
Experiences would be whatever happens IN those places but it’s got nothing to do with the buildings
It’s what YOU are doing that creates the experience you had/have
It’s the energy that you have your awareness
Like you could see a house
Cool
By creating memories IN that house
You experienced living in it
That creates such experiences
I know it sounds confusing but let me break it down
The void is not a place
It’s an experience
Because when you’re openly willing to experience something you’re unconsciously giving yourself freedom and power and control to do that thing
Like I said
OPENLY experiencing
Because I know we all “experienced”(I’m tired of using this word now lol) some things that weren’t good
But guess what
You still hold the power to change those “experiences”
The void is inside of you
You can’t “go” there
You become aware of it and you experience it
It’s not a house
It’s not the bakery
It’s you
Your desires were yours the moment you said that you wanted it so there’s no need to worry or constantly try to get in the void only to get your desires if that’s your only goal
You’re cooked
Because why as a god
Are you so desperate to get your desires?
Chill bro
Your subconscious knows you better than you do
Because it developed way faster than you it makes up 95% of our brain power
You come out the womb already knowing how to cry
How to blink
Etc
Yes you eventually learn to walk crawl etc
Why
Because it was embedded into your subconscious mind in how to do that
You can still walk
And you’re how old? Think about it
Your subconscious mind IS THAT powerful it remembers everything you learned as a baby
It remembers things you don’t
Like mastering the void as a newborn
Who knows how many times we’ve probably accidentally gotten in the void as a little baby
I’ve heard stories about people saying they had to get in the void as a CHILD! But they didn’t know what it was
It’s meant to happen
You discovered the void
Not by accident
Although we can all enter everyday me in the world is capable what makes you special is that
YOU know you can
Others don’t
You discovered it for a reason
It’s meant to be
Things that are meant for you
A apart of you and it can never be APART from you
The void is kinda like your soulmate
It’s gonna always be there
It’s always been with you
Will always be
And no matter how much you procrastinate complain overcomplicate stress over nothing
You’re still gonna enter the void
Why
Because this was your first experience
You’re a pro at this already
You’ve been unconsciously doing this since your mothers womb
If you do something repeatedly on accident you can do it on purpose
Good day
Much love 🩵🩵
P.S Everyone has different opinions on what the void is
Or how they enter
This is mine only flow with what you resonate with
I love you Good Luck Queens!!!!
#law of assumption#law of attraction#void state#void#law of manifestation#manifesting#manifesation#loassumption#subliminals#loassblog#loablr#loa blog#loa success#law of the universe#desired life#dream life#good luck#loa tumblr#manifesting affirm and persist#guided meditation#manifestation#motivation#meditating#desired reality#shifting community#the void state#void success#getyourdreamlife#robotically affirming#reality shift
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hiiiiiii how are you? big fan of your work
i would like to make a request.
modern royal au with prince!bucky who is mean to reader bc of their arranged marriage but she is too sweet and lovely with him
angst angst but maybe fluffy happy ending?
thanks!!! xoxo ❤️❤️❤️
Forgive Me » Bucky Barnes (AU)
Pairings: Husband/Prince!Bucky Barnes x Wife!Reader
Summary: Bucky has been mean to you because of yours and his arranged marriage, but he comes to realization about the way he’s been treating you and he hopes that you’ll forgive him.
Warnings: Angst, Fluff ending, language, mean!Bucky, arranged marriage, insults, crying, kissing, pet names
A/N: Thank you to the lovely anonymous person who requested this🩵 also, I imagined Bucky as Jack Benjamin for this. I hope it’s what you imagined🩷
Written on my phone. I’m sorry for any mistakes.
Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier
GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creators. I found it on Pinterest.
“Can you hurry up?” Bucky asks annoyed.
“I don’t know which dress to choose.” You walked out of the closet. “Which one should I wear? The red one or the blue one?” You asked, holding the two dresses in front of you for Bucky to see.
“Does it matter? Just pick one and put it on before we’re late.” He says.
You hummed to yourself and looked at the two dresses.
“I think I’m going to wear this one.” You say, laying the red dress on the bed.
“Great. Now put it on and let’s go.” He says.
You put the blue dress back in the closet and put the red one on. You stood in front of the full body mirror, rubbing your hands over the material to smooth it out.
“I’m ready.” You tell him.
“Finally. Let’s go.” He says.
You and Bucky walk in the building hand in hand, but he shows you no emotion or attention. He smiled at people as you two walked by them.
“I’m gonna find Steve.” Bucky says, pulling his hand out of your hold.
“Ok. I’ll see you later.” You say with a smile, kissing his cheek.
Bucky didn’t say anything. He just walked away, looking for Steve. You went to the bar and got something to drink.
“Y/N!” You heard a familiar voice from behind you.
You turned around to see Bucky’s sister. You smiled and gave her a hug.
“You look absolutely beautiful tonight. Your dress is beautiful as well.” Rebecca compliments.
“Thank you!” You smiled. “You look beautiful too.” You complimented her.
“Where’s my brother?” She asks.
“Talking to Steve.” You tell her.
“Oh.” She frowns. “I thought you’d be by his side tonight.” She says.
“He probably needs some guy time with Steve. He’s been a little grumpy lately.” You tell her.
Bucky glanced at you from the other side of the room. He could tell that you were gossiping with his sister. Every time you and Rebecca see each other, you two catch up with each other. He excused himself from his conversation with Steve and made his way to the other side of the room, where you and Rebecca are.
“Oh hi, James!” Rebecca hugs her brother. “We were just talking about you.” She says.
“I bet you two were. I’m gonna steal my wife from you for a moment.” Bucky says.
Rebecca caught the way Bucky grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the conversation you were having with her. Bucky practically dragged you to an empty hallway.
“I have to make an appearance since I’m the prince and you have to be by my side since you’re my wife.” Bucky explains. “Be on your best behavior.” He says.
“Will do, honey.” You say with a smile.
Bucky cringed when you called him honey, but you didn’t catch it. He held his arm out for you. You linked your arm with his and the two of you walked back out to the main room. Everyone’s attention was turned to you and Bucky. They smiled and applauded the two of you. For the sake of the cameras flashing, Bucky kissed you on the lips. It wasn’t a sweet kiss or anything. There was no spark in it either. It was just a bland kiss with no emotion. People talked to Bucky almost all night. Some people talked to you too, but Bucky did the talking for you before you could open your mouth.
“I had fun tonight.” You say, getting in bed next to your husband.
“Yea.” Bucky says.
“Did you have fun?” You asked.
“Yea.” He says again. “Can we go to bed without playing 20 questions?” He asks, leaning over to shut the lamp off.
You could tell he was tired. He laid down on his back. You laid down next to him, snuggling yourself against his side and laying your head on his chest. He didn’t even wrap his arm around you to hold you.
“Goodnight, sweetie. I love you.” You say softly, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
Bucky didn’t say goodnight to you. He just went to sleep. The next morning, you turned over to wrap your arms around your husband, only to find out that he wasn’t in bed. You lifted your head and looked around the bedroom and pouted. You stretched and rubbed your eyes before getting out of bed to get ready for the day. You smiled when you walked in the living room to see Bucky. You walked up behind the couch, putting your hands on his chest from behind and gave him a cheek.
“You weren’t in bed when I woke up.” You say with a playful pout.
“I’m busy.” Is all he says and moves your hands off of his chest and walked out of the living room.
There was a knock on the door. You opened it and seen Rebecca. You smiled and greeted her with a hug.
“It’s nice to see you again.” You smiled, steeping aside to let her inside. “Do you want some coffee?” You asked her.
“Yes. That would be nice.” Rebecca says with a smile.
You poured two cups of coffee and handed on of them to Rebecca as you sat down at the kitchen table.
“Can I ask you something?” Rebecca asks you.
“Of course. What is it?” You asked, taking a sip of your coffee.
“Why do you let my brother treat you like he did last night?” She asks.
“What do you mean?” You asked confused.
“He’s always mean to you.” She says.
“Bucky isn’t mean to me.” You say with a smile.
“Y/N, I’m your sister in law. You can tell me.” She says.
“I just did, silly.” You say with a giggle.
Little did the two of you know that Bucky was in the hallway listening to your conversation with Rebecca. He scoffed before entering the kitchen.
“Y/N, I need to talk to you. It’s important.” Bucky says.
He grabbed your arm and pulled you up from your seat, not giving you time to excuse yourself from your conversation with Rebecca. He pulled you out in the hallway. Anger was displayed on his face.
“What the hell did you say to my sister?” He asks.
“What do you mean, honey?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.
“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” His jaw clenches. “You were talking about the way I treat you to Rebecca.” He says.
“No, I-” You got interrupted.
“Don’t even try to make up an excuse. You were blabbing your stupid mouth and now I have to clear up what you said to her.” He says.
He walked away, but stopped in his tracks.
“Just keep your mouth shut before you say something stupid.” He says.
Bucky walked in the kitchen to see a shocked look on his sister’s face. She heard every word he said to you.
“Why do you talk to her like that?” Rebecca asks her brother.
“The way I talk to my wife isn’t your concern.” Bucky says.
“It kinda is. If you and Y/N are having marriage problems, you can tell me.” She says.
“My marriage is none of your concern.” He says.
Rebecca just scoffs, not able to get through to Bucky.
“Y/N is the sweetest person ever and yet you treat her like she’s nothing. You’re always mean to her. I’m surprised that she hasn’t left you yet.” She says.
“I didn’t ask for anything of this! I didn’t want to marry her in the first place.” Bucky shouts.
Little did Bucky know that you were still in the hallway. Your bottom lip quivered and tears started to roll down your cheeks. You ran to yours and Bucky’s shared bedroom and cried in your pillow.
Bucky spent the rest of the day thinking about the way he’s been treating you. He was never really happy about his arranged marriage with you, but he’ll admit that you’re the sweetest person he’s ever met. Guilty filled Bucky. He went to yours and his bedroom to see you in bed and reading a book. He gave you a little more space and got ready for bed. He got in bed next to you.
“Can I talk to you?” Bucky asks, his voice is soft.
You bookmarked the page you’re on in your book and put it on the nightstand before turning your attention to him.
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you. I guess that I’m not used to being married.” He says.
“I heard what you said, Bucky. You didn’t want to marry me. If that’s how you really feel, then I’ll talk to the lawyers.” You say.
“No.” He moved himself in front of you. “I didn’t mean for you to hear that. I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean a word I said. Please forgive me.” He says in a pleading tone.
You just looked at him without saying anything.
“I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He starts. “We can go on that tropical vacation you’ve been telling me about.” He says.
You took a moment to think about it. You really do love Bucky and you don’t want to leave him.
“I want a baby.” You tell him.
“We can have a baby.” He says with a smile, leaning in to kiss you.
“I still want to go on that tropical vacation.” You say against his lips.
“We can do both, sweetheart.” He says with a smile.
You two kissed once more before shutting the lights off and got comfortable in bed. For the first time, Bucky wrapped his arms around you and held you close to him.
“I really am sorry.” He says.
“I know you are, sweetie.” You say.
“I love you so much, sweetheart.” He says softly.
“I love you more.” You say in almost a whisper.
🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
-Bucky’s Doll
#sergeant james buchanan barnes#sergeant james barnes#sergeant barnes#james buchanan bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#james barnes#bucky barnes#winter soldier#prince!bucky#husband!bucky#sebastian stan#sebastian stan characters#avengers#marvel#mcu#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x wife!reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes one shot#bucky barnes imagine
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Oh new episode new teasing from smg4 team
And so, while watching the new video, I was able to collect something and write down here my thoughts about what I think.
Smg4 care actually about what smg3 says
That shows 2 times and we see how even if he "hate" smg3, he listen to him.
Negative points?
But aren't smg3 is glowing like a rare item or something "special"?
I don’t think that’s how “negative” things should work smg4
Or..
Hm
Hey, actually, some people say in this scene, number 34 is gone from counting
So
I have a guess that smg4 actually trying to avoid a relationship with smg3?
Perhaps after the episode about his browser history and some of their conflicts and so on, smg4 simply denies his feelings or smg3’s feelings for him
"That what we do to each other, right?"
This guy seems incapable of actually seeing smg3 as his friend or anything else, he still wants to remain rivals with him.
Even after all
He still gonna see smg3 like his enemy
Perhaps a friendly enemy? Because we don’t understand how smg4’s feelings work, but we only know that it was he who first started their rival relationship with smg3 (according to canon?)
So I can assume that smg4 hates smg3 but at the same time is his friend? best friend?
Idk
Or hate-love thing that maybe but uhh not shure?
Well, or this idiot is just the same as smg3 and hides his feelings, because I don’t understand why smg4 keeps a smg3 toy in his inventory
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Guys, I am begging you. Please please please please please PLEASE do NOT vote 3rd party, or not vote at all.
I get it. I really do. Biden’s handling of Israel has been, not gonna mince words, dogshit. Abominable. Unspeakably bad.
But we cannot afford to protest like this.
We don’t need Biden as president. We do need to keep Trump out of office. And to those who respond “well, I don’t want just the lesser of two evils,” please, for the love of god, grow the fuck up.
For one, why wouldn’t you want the lesser of two evils. It is, by definition, LESS EVIL.
“Why can’t we just have no evil, why isn’t that an option.” I really wish it was. Just as much as you. But it’s not. These are our cards, and we have to play our hand to the best of our ability.
Which brings us to two.
Trump is more evil. Like, so much more evil. We’re comparing apples and oranges here guys.
I understand that a lot of you might doubt that. The largest demographic of people advocating for third party or non-votes are in the 18-26 range. New voters, with one or no elections under their belt.
So they don’t remember.
Most of us (I myself fall under this age range) don’t remember 2016. The election, that is. They don’t remember how so many people protested Hillary vs Trump by going 3rd party or writing in joke votes, because they saw the two as equally bad. And Trump won.
Half of us don’t remember the Trump presidency. We’ve heard he was a weird, bad, bigoted president, but don’t fully grasp the scope of how bad.
So off the top of my head, here are some highlights of real things Donald Trump did while he held office.
- threw toilet paper at hurricane victims like he was trying to shoot a 3-pointer
- fired the man investigating him for election fraud
- called African countries “shitholes”
- appointed members of the Supreme Court who would go on to overturn roe v wade
- stole classified documents from the white house to hide at his resort
- tried to instate a Muslim Ban
- incited a insurrection to try and keep himself in office, and maybe hang his VP if there was time
- looked directly at an eclipse. Like no glasses, full on.
- fueled covid conspiracies. Also told people to “drink bleach” to fight the virus
- withdrew us from the Paris Climate Accord
- cofefe. Remember that? What a fun, normal thing for the president to tweet at 2am.
- employed literal white supremacists
- called Nazi’s “very fine people”
- got endorsed by the KKK, and refused to condemn David Duke
And that’s just what I can remember right now.
So if you’re angry at Biden about Palestine, please please please do not think for a fucking second Trump would be better. He would almost certainly actively be worse. He would give Netanyahu the green light. If you think Biden has used a loose leash, at least it’s some kind of leash. Trump would be all in. Full chips, flying to the Middle East to send in the bombs himself.
If you’re still hesitant, consider this last plea.
Things are bad. These shouldn’t be the only two choice we have, but they are. You can’t look at the menu, which is offering either bland soup someone spit in or actual rat poison and go “could I have some steak”.
You can order the soup and live to write a one-star review on Yelp, maybe call health inspections on the restaurant or contact the owners and say “you guys know your menu has only two options and they’re both dogshit. If you don’t add more, you’ll be unemployed soon.”
Or you can order rat poison and die.
If we elect Donald Trump in the fall, we will be eating rat poison. He has repeatedly said himself to be in favor of a dictatorship. He quotes Hitler. If he is put in office, the change we all want and so critically need will not be fucking POSSIBLE. Because with Biden, it’ll be hard, and tedious, and long, and exhausting, but at least it will be goddamn possible.
So, come November, please don’t order the rat poison.
Please just eat your shitty ass soup so we can live to get really angry about it.
Please.
#gaza#usa#politics#2024 elections#trump#biden administration#joe biden#israel#social justice#election 2024
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Honestly, there’s some BS wafting about Deku and All Might’s final discussion on Tomura.
“Deku’s upset he couldn’t have Tenko’s life.”
Oh is he now? Because that wasn’t the impression I got when Deku said he was trying to break Shigaraki and AFO in one go before.
“But he refused to stop being the leader of League of Villains.”
Well, yeah…why would he? At no point did Deku do anything like; try to convince him he’s doing things wrong, or that there’s a better way, I don’t recall if he even brought up any moral arguments either. He barely even talked to Tomura until he got to Tenko and told him how nice it is to hold people’s hands. As I said before, my man went out thinking he was going about the best way to save him and his friends and at no point was ever challenged on that. At what point in there was he supposed to even consider to stop being the leader of the League?
“All Might is sure he understood Deku’s intentions.”
Yeah and I think that’s why he tried to get Deku run over by a truck.
“Well that depends on what you guys do from now on. Good luck.”
For all the above reasons, I just cannot read this as being said in good faith. Shigaraki knows Deku’s gonna fuck up bad and/or put everything he hates right back to normal, that’s the only interpretation I can manage.
#bnha#bnha spoilers#bnha 424#shigaraki tomura#shimura tenko#league of villains#lov#paranormal liberation front#PLF#midoriya izuku#all might#(As an aside; I hope everyone is ready to see a lot of the above panel. because it’s our only Tomura crumb this chapter.)
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Official °ᡣ𐭩 . ° .
Sungchan x Reader
WC: 2.03k
Fluff, more fluff, tooth rotting fluff, suggestive at the end!!!! (implied sex but no smut!)
pt4 of my sungchan miniseries :) pt1, pt2, pt3
The street was peaceful, the night breeze blowing gently through the air. Sungchan and YN walked hand in hand, sungchan carried the bag of food they had bought, while YN carried the two pints of ice cream.
“All I’m saying is, he shouldn’t have gotten that drunk, that’s it!” Sungchan said.
“Do you ever intend on getting blackout drunk?” YN asked.
“No, but-”
“So it’s fine! Eunseok’s a big boy, he can handle himself,” YN poked him lightly. They had been talking about a party Yunjin, Shotaro, and Eunseok went to, in which Eunseok got drunker than either of his friends expected. Yunjin had been Texting YN live updates all evening.
“Shotaro keeps asking when I’ll go to another party,” Sungchan sighed.
YN raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to say something?” She asked, narrowing her eyes at him. Sungchan just shrugged. “You’re allowed to go to parties, dude, i won’t stop you,”
“I know that,” he sighed. “But I want to go with you, and I know you don’t like parties,”
YN smiled lightly, squeezing his hand. “Thank you for being considerate,” she looked up at him. “I’d go to some of shotaros parties, if you asked me to,” she told him.
“Really?” Sungchan asked.
“Sure. I’d probably hang out in the basement for most of it, though,” YN told him.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to just because I want to.” he asked.
“I’m sure,” YN nodded. “Plus, Yunjin’s been begging to get me to go to some parties with her. So it’s not like i’m doing this for you,” she nudged him.
Sungchan just grinned, sighing happily. “Well… he invited me to a party for next weekend. I was gonna decline, but, if you want to come with me?”
YN grinned. “Sure,”
Sungchan’s smile widened. “It’ll be fun, I promise.” he assured her, giving her hand a squeeze. “I’ll hang out in the basement with you. That’s where I usually hang out with the guys.”
The two smiled at each other and fell into a comfortable silence. They had built a routine of hanging out, usually going to get food, or getting food to eat at one of their places. It was a comfortable routine, something safe and fun, but a little repetitive.
They decided to do something new today, they went out to a park and went on a walk around the city, and went to an aquarium. It wasn’t something planned, it started with them getting coffee, and just walking until YN asked if they should do something new. They began dragging each other around until they found somewhere they agreed on. Regardless if they even picked where they would go, they laughed the whole way, tugging on each other until they followed, getting giddy about things people their age usually thought was silly.
Now the night was coming to an end, and as usual, neither of them wanted to leave. They went to a convenience store and bought ramen to warm up, and some ice cream.
They went to Sungchan’s apartment that time, and YN got started cooking their ramen. Sungchan was never very far away, shuffling through the fridge to grab some drinks, or leaning against the counter to talk to YN, eventually settling to stand behind her, keeping his arms wrapped around her waist. As much as he wanted ramen, he wanted her attention more.
When their food was done, they sat down at the small table in the middle of his room, eating the noodles, and talking between bites.
While eating, they debated on what they should watch that night- arguing about whose turn it was to pick the movie.
“You picked last time!” Sungchan argued.
“Nuh-uh! You did! We watched maze runner, when I wanted to watch the hunger games!”
They argued for a good fifteen minutes, trying to compromise. Sungchan wanted to watch Star Wars, while YN wanted to watch Tangled. They scrapped both ideas and somehow came to an agreement, choosing 10 Things I Hate About You.
YN used Sungchan’s shower while he cleaned up the kitchen and dining room. He let her borrow a shirt and some of his shorts. When she came out of his room, he had the living room all set up. Popcorn popped, ice cream on the coffee table, and the blanket she always talked about liking laid out on the couch.
They sat down next to each other, snuggling into each other as they started the movie. They stayed quiet for the most part, commenting on the movie from time to time. YN quoted some lines from it, while Sungchan laughed adoringly at her cuteness. They had both finished their ice cream, and lazily reached for the bowl of popcorn that rested on the table across from them.
By the end of the movie, YN had stretched out on top of Sungchan, resting across him as he traced shapes on her skin. They just watched the movie, acting shocked even though they had seen the movie before.
YN felt at ease, glancing up at Sungchan from time to time. Even if these moments were common for them, even if dates usually ended like this, she appreciated them just as much as she always did. She’d grown to like sungchan more than she initially expected. If someone would tell her that she would fall for a handsome stranger she’d meet at a party, she would’ve just laughed. Yet here she was, hoping he was just as smitten for her.
Sungchan was further gone than YN. He had made up his mind the day they agreed to go on a second date. He liked her, and he was serious about her.
His heart had never beat the way it had when he was with her. It felt like it had a new purpose now that she was in his life. He didn’t expect to like anyone that much, he didn’t know that true love existed, but now, having found a girl he was absolutely crazy for, he was pretty sure it did.
Hours had passed, both had passed out on the couch near the end of the movie. YN woke up first, sitting up a bit until she felt Sungchan stir under her. She looked down at him, his eyebrows creased as his sleep was disturbed. She smiled as she brushed her hand against his cheek. She carefully began to get up, planning on leaving him a note and giving him a kiss on the forehead. Before she could get very far, she felt his hand grab hers. She looked back to see him looking up at her groggily.
“Where are you going?” He asked, a bit confused.
“Oh… I was gonna head home since you were asleep,” She crouched down by him, petting his hair gently.
Sungchan frowned. “Why would you do that?” He asked, holding her chin.
She shrugged. “I would’ve given you a goodbye kiss,” She assured him, to which he smiled. She tried to get up again, but sungchan held her firmly by him.
“Since you woke me up, you have to make it up to me,” He told her, batting his lashes up at her.
YN laughed at the sight, sitting down next to him as he sat up, becoming more lucid as the moments passed.
“You have to stay with me now,” He told her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Since you woke me up, I need someone to keep me company,”
YN grinned. She knew she wanted to stay, now having a reason, she let Sungchan have his way. He pulled her so their positions were switched, laying across her smaller frame, resting his head on her chest as he looked up at her. She couldn’t help but laugh at the difference.
Sungchan moved to hover over her, looking down at her lovingly.
“Have I told you how pretty you looked today?” he asked, grinning.
“Considering it’s like, 2 AM, no,” YN smiled up at him.
Sungchan kissed her cheek. “Good thing I like to get an early start,” he mumbled in her ear. He kissed her forehead before pulling away to look down at her. “You look so pretty, YN,” He said, his voice soft before pressing a kiss to her lips.
YN brought her arms to wrap around his neck, playing with his hair as she leaned up a bit to kiss him. When the kiss broke, she expected them to just go back to cuddling. But when instead, he pressed a kiss to her jaw, she felt her breath hitch.
“So pretty,” he mumbled, trailing down to her neck and collarbone. When they met eyes again, she saw something different in his eyes.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead before shifting above her. “Is this okay?” He whispered, not wanting to push too far.
YN nodded, sighing as she felt his hands flip past the fabric of her (his) shirt to hold her waist. When they kissed again, they matched each other’s level of desire, losing themselves in each other. It felt like their first meeting, but instead of quick and desperate, it was more intimate, as she held his cheek while they kissed, his tongue pushing past her lips as he deepened the kiss.
They felt impossibly close by the time Sungchan pulled away, panting lightly as he pressed a kiss against her chest. They were both breathless, both knowing what the other wanted.
“You’re perfect,” Sungchan mumbled, pulling YN from her laying position to rest on his lap, her legs on either side of his. “You don’t know how much I want you,” he kissed her skin once more, arms wrapping around her waist. “How crazy I am for you,”
YN just smiled, tilting her head to the side, giving him more access to her skin.
“I want you so bad,” She wondered if he knew he was speaking out loud, or if he knew how his words made her feel.
YN didn’t say anything in response, only playing with his hair, smiling to herself.
“Be my girlfriend,” he mumbled, and YN froze a bit, before letting out a small laugh with disbelief. Upon hearing that, Sungchan pulled away from her. He looked up at her confused. YN’s eyes widened. “What’s so funny?” he asked, his voice more serious.
YN shook her head. “Nothing, nothing,” she assured him. “It’s just… Why ask now?” she gestured to the lack of space between them.
Sungchan smirked. “Because I want an answer now,”
“So this isn’t just something you’re saying because you’re horny?” YN asked.
Sungchan leaned up to press a kiss to her lips once more. “I’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend for a while now,”
“So what took you so long?”
“Nerves,” he replied shortly.
“Why would you be-”
“Yes or no?” Sungchan asked, a little desperately.
YN Grinned. “Yes,”
When Sungchan kissed her again, it resumed the fervor it had from before he asked her to be his girlfriend. Instead of continuing on the couch, YN stood up, pulling him with her. They made it to his bedroom before joining again, wrapping their arms around each other, lips pressed against one another, sighing and groaning into each other.
Sungchan pulled away suddenly, much to YN’s confusion, and dismay.
“Can we get couple things?” He asked.
“Sure,” she pressed another kiss to him, but sungchan pulled away once more.
“When can I meet your other friends? When can I meet your parents?” He persisted.
“Whenever you want,” She sighed, laughing a bit.
She settled on his bed, and he followed after her, hovering over her as her hands held the bottom of his shirt. He helped her pull it off his chest, resuming kissing as he ran his hands along her body. They were wrapped up in each other once more.
Until Sungchan pulled away, Grinning.
“What now?” YN groaned.
Sungchan just smiled. “I just realized I get to introduce you to people as my girlfriend,” he giggled to himself at the thought.
YN blinked. “Are we going to actually do this or-”
“Right, sorry,”
He reached for his lamp, and flicked off the light.
YIPPIE!!! I got it done in a timely manner >:)
taglist: @oftenjisung , @vhuteryh, @skzhoe4life, @cheederzchez , @so-lychee , @leehanascent
#sungchan x reader#jung sungchan x reader#riize sungchan#jung sungchan#k labels#riize jung sungchan#sungchan oneshot#sungchan angst#sungchan#sungchan fluff#my love {sungchan} ☆.ᐟ#gyuvxx ᯓ★#⋆｡°✩riize#riize#riize oneshots#riize x reader#sungchan riize#jung sungchan fluff#riize fluff#riize imagines
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hello! i hope 2024 has been treating u well!
can i request where jaemin is ur new roommate and ur sorta pessimistic abt him for awhile cuz of his cats? then one day its just u and his cats and then u start warming up to them, not knowing that jaemin was watching the whole time please!
so sorry if this is too specific but thank u if u see this!!
cats and pizza
author's note. hi anonnie! sorry it took so long :( 2024 has been quite nice for me teehee, i hope it has been for u too <3 also this was so fun to write as someone who absolutely adores cats 😭
setting. vet med student !jaem x fashion designer student!yn
warnings. one of the cats pisses lol, pizza, swearing, yn doesn’t like cats and talks bad about them >:(
“oh come on, it’ll be fine! he looks nice and he’s a veterinary medicine student? come on, he must be… normal… i think” renjun hummed, looking through your shoulder at the text you got.
you rested your forehead against his arm and groaned while he took your phone and replied to the message.
“you need a roommate. stop being picky… besides, he’s not gonna be any weirder than the chenle guy… probably. hopefully” renjun cheered you on and patted your head.
your previous roommate, karina, had to move out so now you were in a desperate search of someone at her place because there’s no way you could single-handedly afford the rent. the landlord didn’t mind as long as it was paid so you could choose whoever you wanted.
but once you put the offer online, the amount of people and interviews crushed you. the rent was almost due and you had to hurry up – but it wasn’t your fault that all the interested individuals were… specific.
but getting a text from a guy named jaemin drew your attention. he wasn’t dry like all the previous guys and said that he’ll adapt into your schedule to come see the place – unlike others who set up the date and you didn’t have much choice.
you agreed to meet today and brought your bestie, renjun, as a moral support. and additional eye of judgement.
a knock on your door caused you to jerk up.
“it’s probably him” you sighed and ran to open the door “hi—”
your voice got stuck in your throat as your eyes met with a very handsome guy. a gummy smile bloomed on his lips as he reached his hand out.
“hi, i’m na jaemin! y/n, i assume?” he asked, voice full of positive energy. renjun appeared behind you.
“i… oh, right, you know my name. yes, y/n” you cleared your throat and shook his hand. it was warm and bigger than yours.
“renjun” your friend grunted and accidentally nudged your shoulder.
“i’ll show you around. do you want some water or anything to drink?” you asked nicely, stepping aside to let him in. while jaemin and you couldn’t take your eyes off each other, renjun let out a sigh.
“do you have any questions?” your friend asked, crossing his arms.
“oh, yeah! are pets allowed? cats specifically?” jasmin asked and you froze.
well, technically yes.
but you just weren’t a big fan of felines. they are just… mean. and ignorant.
but jaemin is so cute and–
“no”
“yes”
you looked at renjun surprised when you two spoke out at the same time. jaemin laughed (and goodness, if it wasn’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever heard), throwing his head back slightly.
“yes they are. i’m just more of a dog person, you see” you hummed. jaemin sent you a warm smile.
“don’t worry, they’re lovely” he reassured you and renjun urged to show him the room.
and you blame renjun to this day for that because if you were to listen, you would’ve paid attention and noticed that jaemin had said ‘they’.
was one of your main factors to settle for jaemin the fact that he was charming and handsome? yes. did you think he only has one cat? yes.
much to your surprise, along with a new roommate you got three cats as a bonus.
standing terrified in the middle of kitchen you watched one of them snuggle against your leg as jaemin watched with amusement.
“they are real angels. i promise they won’t cause any trouble” he hummed.
you moved away from the cat but it followed you, looking at you with its big, blue eyes.
“just for the love of god please… make sure they don’t shit in the kitchen. or come anywhere near my room” you murmured, jaw clenched. if that furry thing of a demon is going to brush against you again–
the cat must’ve somehow understood that and it purred, tail wrapping around your leg.
“go… away…” you whined, stepping back yet again.
“luke, c’mon” jaemin sighed and grabbed the cat in his arms. the beast animal was looking at you with a mischievous expression. a shiver run down your spine as you looked away, and a meow came somewhere from the distance.
the sound of happy little feet kept you awake at night. lucy, luna and luke (it was hard not to remember the names since jaemin had them engraved on almost everything) were playing around in the hallway. at 3am.
pressing a pillow to your ear and pulling the duvet over the other, you cursed mentally at your own stupidity. you hated cats, why would you even agree? sure, jaemin is really cool and there certainly is something between you two but the goddamn furry beasts…
a loud meow came from under your door.
and then a scratching sound.
“you have to be kidding me” with a groan, you left the bed and opened the door only to be met with a pair of evil looking cat.
“luna- lucy, whoever you are… get your ass out of here” you grunted and tried to whoosh the cat away. but it only meowed and tried to come into your room “no!”
it was middle of the night, you should be asleep and getting your well needed rest for today’s exam.
but you’re closing the door and fighting with a feline.
great, just great.
“jaemin!” you yelled out, not bothered by the fact that you’ll wake him up “na jaemin, get ahold of your goddamn furry devils!”
you heard his hurried footsteps and when he reached to hold the cat up, you noticed he’s not even angry in the slightest.
“luke, c’mon, no scratching the door. sorry, y/n. sleep well” jaemin hummed softly and walked away with the pet in his arms, scratching it’s head gently.
as much as you’d like to say that you warmed up to the cats it just wasn’t… very true. you just accepted their presence. you even refilled their bowls a couple of times or threw them a squeaky toy.
as long as they didn’t interfere with your personal space, you didn’t with theirs.
which you were glad for.
“i’m back! i have some leftover pizza if you’d like!” you yelled out, not even sure if he was home.
you went to leave the pizza in a safe space (you totally didn’t save it because you knew it was his favorite) and walked towards your room.
something was off - it was very quiet in the apartment. and… it smelled…
pushing the door open you saw lucy jump off your bed.
“what?” you grunted, noticing how the cat ran past you. before you realised the smell, you saw the source: cat urine.
on your uni project.
“no, you’ve got to be shitting me” your voice broke, walking up to the handmade material for a dress. it was certainly pissed on.
but how did the cat end up here? you closed the door to prevent exactly such thing from happening.
tears were falling from your eyes, feeling helpless.
lucy was peeking at you from behind the door cautiously. maybe she sneaked in before you left and then you accidentally locked her in? yeah, that’s the only possible reason.
but that doesn’t make the situation any better (or the cloth any less stinky)
“ew… y/n…”
you heard jaemin’s mocking voice but the moment you turned around and he saw your quivering lip, his face dropped.
“what happened?” jaemin asked, walking in.
“i… lucy peed on my dress… which was my project for tomorrow… i don’t know what to do…” whines and sobs ripped out of your chest. jaemin sighed, eyeing the situation.
the said cat meowed as if saying sorry.
then, you felt two warm arms wrapping around your shaking body.
“it’s going to be fine, i’ve dealt with this countless of times before” he said calmly, fingers caressing your hair “let me handle this”
you sobbed into his chest – maybe from the stress of relief – and jaemin continued to soothe you, his cat watching you two curiously.
this day was shitty as hell. it’s been two weeks since the pee accident and luckily you managed to save your project. and whereas that made your mood lighten up, today was just a bad day.
you lost $20, dropped your phone and cracked its screen, and on your way back home rain started pouring and soaked you completely.
the warmth of your place was nice and made you feel secure. the second you stepped inside, you broke down.
everything just snapped and you sat down on the floor, careless to the fact that all the water is pooling around you.
cries left your lips, tears mixing with the raindrops on your face.
suddenly, something warm and fluffy crawled on your lap.
at first you wanted to push it away but upon meeting luna’s blue eyes staring at you cutely, you didn’t. you let her stay, unsurely resting your hand and her head. when she purred, you took it as a sign to let her.
sobs mixing with purrs drew the other two, lucy snuggling next to you, pawing the material of your sweats, and luke staring at the scene.
the cats silently comforted you, it hit you.
because of that, you started crying even more; feeling bad about the way you treated them before.
the quiet sound of door opening fell deaf on your ears.
jaemin looked down and his heart warmed upon the scene. he was proud of his kids, they reacted the same way he would.
“i have some pizza, i figured you’d want some” he announced quietly and you nodded.
maybe that’s all you needed after all: cats and pizza.
masterlist <3
taglist. @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @mon2sunjinsuver ,, @w3bqrl ,,
@eternalgyu ,, @haecien
#nct drabbles#nct dream fluff#nct dream#nct dream drabbles#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios#nct dream x reader#nct dream x you#nct dream soft hours#jaemin#jaemin x reader#jaemin x you#jaemin x y/n#jaemin fluff#jaemin fanfic#jaemin drabbles#jaemin scenarios#jaemin imagines#nct fluff#nct imagines#nct#blue jisungs's requests#jaemin nct#na jaemin#jaemin fic#nct dream reactions
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with me + part seven
authors note: i take some creative liberties with medical (mostly hipaa) stuff in this one, so please disregard. also, thank you everyone for (still!!!) being so interested in this story. you guys are making me wanna flesh it out even more like seriously 😭 i wanted to not make it past 10 (3 to 4 initially) parts but the support has been so humbling, and ya'll seem to like/want more sooooo 😭
song inspo: with me by destiny's child
status: in progress // masterlist
warnings: angst, language, suggestive themes
words: 7k
taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns
Absolutely every rule of the road is broken in getting Callie to the hospital.
You couldn’t give two shits.
You just continue to try to reassure your crying child that she's going to be okay while fighting your own pending panic attack.
Speeding through the lanes, uncaring if the light is yellow and you should slow down, you’ll take whatever ticket. The only rule you abide by is not going through a red light, understanding how stupid and dangerous that is. However, while the hospital is about a 15 to 20 minute drive from you, you make it there in a solid eight minutes.
And even that is too much.
The emergency room is, expectedly, pretty empty save a couple of people. Emergencies are rare and infrequent in your town. It’s truly a stroke of bad, cruel luck that your sweet little girl is victim to one of the few.
Rushing to the front desk, Callie cradled against you, you blurt to the receptionist, “something’s wrong with her stomach.”
The woman appears uninterested until her eyes land on Calista who’s still crying into your chest, hand on her stomach. She calls out to the back, and you see the double doors open. A few minutes later, if that, a set of doctor and nurses emerge.
“What happened?” The doctor immediately asks, starting to assess Callie, first checking for a fever and then shining a light in both her eyes.
Speaking is suddenly difficult, but you manage, “I–I don’t know. She said her stomach was hurting right before she went to bed, so I gave her some Children’s Tylenol, then she woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain, and I–I rushed her over here.”
He nods, gently going to press on her stomach as she shouts in pain again. Your own stomach clenches, hating to see her hurt like this.
Something appears to flash in his vision, but whatever it is, he keeps it to himself. “We need to admit her.” He reaches for Callie who suddenly clings tighter to you.
“No!” There’s pure fear and panic in her voice, as she starts to cry harder. “I wanna stay with my mommy!”
Her words kill you, because you also don’t want to let her go, but you know it’s what needs to happen. “Baby, it’s okay, they’re gonna help you, and I’m right here, alright?” You try to reassure her, gently stroking her hair. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
She’s clearly still uncomfortable but allows the doctor to carry her, as he instructs one of the nurses, “page peds.” Her eyes never leave you as he moves quickly to carry her into one of the rooms, carefully placing her down on the bed. You’re immediately by her side, needing her to know you’re right here with her and not going anywhere.
While the doctor gives a variety of commands to some of the nurses, you somehow have the wherewithal to catch the attention of one of the nurses, informing, “her dad is on his way. Can you make sure they let him back? His name is Joe.”
She nods. “Of course.”
“And—” this is both relevant and irrelevant, but as it’s at the forefront of your mind, so you tell her, “I also need a release form. For him. He’s….he’s not on the birth certificate.”
If she’s judging you for this piece of information, you’ll never know because her expression remains unchanged. “I’ll have one brought to you.”
“Thank you.” It hasn’t really crossed your mind until this terrifying moment that Joe has no legal right or say into any medical or legal situations regarding Calista. This scares you in a different way, her own father having no say in decisions that could be life or death. It’s shoved into the back of your mind, but when this is all said and done, you know this it’s something you need to discuss with him.
You need to look into whatever the state requires to have a father’s name added to a birth certificate. But, of course, all of this is secondary to what’s happening before you, your focus returning to Callie who’s still holding onto your arm.
“Alright, what do we have here?”
A new voice enters the room, and you look up, momentarily surprised to see another doctor, but it’s not the fact that it’s a doctor that surprises you. It’s who the doctor is.
You give him a double take, almost not trusting your judgment in this moment. But when he approaches Callie’s side and offers a gentle smile, you see it, the cleft in his chin.
“Kai?”
He lifts his eyes to you, offering a small nod, returning his focus to assessing Callie. And then he looks up again. Like he gave you the standard acknowledgement only to also realize who you are.
“Y/N?”
Yup. Hearing his voice again, you’re certain this is most definitely Kai Sawyer.
Kai Sawyer, former classmate, once friend, brief lover when you were in high school. He was always sweet, almost too sweet for the toxic teenager you were who was too stuck on Amir to realize Kai was a much better option.
Granted, it was never serious. You never had any sort of feelings for him that left you stumped.
Nothing like with Joe.
“It’s good to see you.” He seems just as surprised to see you as you are to see him. The last you heard was that he left for school, pursuing a medical career and planned to move out of state. Kai motions to Callie. “This is your daughter?” Nodding with a small, forced smile, you watch him carefully lean down to be closer to Callie’s eye level. “Hi there, sweetie. I’m Dr. Sawyer. Can you tell me your name?”
She sniffles, seemingly holding you tighter. “Callie.”
“Callie,” he says, precisely, pronouncing each syllable. “What a very pretty name. Well, Callie, is it okay if I feel your belly so we can see what’s going on and help you feel better?”
She doesn’t look at you for approval, instead nodding as Kai starts to evaluate her. Once again, she cries out in pain as he feels the same area you’d unintentionally put too much pressure on.
“It hurts,” she whimpers, and you kiss her forehead. Seeing her in pain is a form of torture you absolutely cannot tolerate.
“I’m sorry, honey,” he apologies, standing upright again. “We’re gonna make you all better though, okay?”
She says nothing, instead tugging you closer to her as she lays her head against your shoulder.
Kai speaks to the nurses in a low voice, where you can only make out intermittent parts. Something about an IV drip and pain meds. Once he’s done, he looks over at you and continues with that low voice, “can I talk to you outside?”
His question doesn’t help with the anxiety you’re already having an extremely difficult time controlling, but Callie’s heightened cries and tightened grasp on you captures your attention the most.
“No, mommy, don’t leave me!"
It’s an impossible decision, even if logically, you know what you have to do. Whatever Kai wants to discuss with you clearly doesn’t need to be in front of Callie, but you also know she’s hurting and just wants her mom.
“You said your name is Callie? That’s such a cute name.” One of the nurses comes over and offers a warm smile. “I have a little girl who’s just about your age too. She likes barbies and playing dress up. What do you like?”
Sniffling, still holding onto you, Callie meets the nurse’s eye contact and answers after a second. “Disney.”
The nurse gasps, “so does my little girl.” She sits on the side of the bed as the other nurse finishes inserting Callie’s IV. “Is it okay if I sit with you and we talk about Disney while mama talks to Dr. Sawyer?”
You’re so thankful for this act of kindness and assure Callie, “I’ll be right back. I’m just outside the door, okay?”
She’s still unsure and highly uncomfortable, but a small nod precedes her releasing her grip on you. You start to climb out of the hospital bed when she grabs you again.
You expect another form of protest, of unease about you leaving her. Instead, in a small, innocent voice, she states, “I want Joe.”
The ball in the back of your throat grows exponentially. You’re already emotional, for obvious reasons, but there’s something about her request, so simple yet so powerfully telling, that brings a new set of tears to your eyes.
“He’s on his way, baby, okay?” As the hospital is in the same direction as his hotel, you expect his arrival in a matter of minutes, hopefully.
She seems comforted by this piece of information, and you’re able to break away to follow Kai outside the room. Once out of a proximity where she could overhear, you ask, urgently, “what’s wrong with her?”
Kai sighs, crossing his arms over his body with a sympathetic expression. “Well, I—”
The sound of heavy, urgent footsteps capture your attention, and you look to your side to see a nurse escorting Joe. His eyes land on you with a curious expression before he asks, “where is she?”
His voice is calm, but you know him well. Too well. Enough to know that he’s worried out of his mind, too.
You gesture to the door a few inches away from you. “With the nurse.” Gesturing to Kai, you inform, “this is the doctor.”
There’s something about Joe’s presence that instantly calms you, allows your emotions to regulate just a little better.
“Holy shit,” Kai breathes, and you look over to see he’s staring at Joe with bewilderment. “You’re–uh—is this her dad?” The question is posed to you, and you run your hand over your face, nodding. Kai clearly recognizes Joe, err, Roman, and is in a brief state of celebrity panic. Any other time, you’d understand it, but right now, you’re on the doorsteps of a nervous breakdown, and the medical professional in charge of Callie’s care being starstruck isn’t the least bit helpful.
“Yes,” Joe answers, his voice not unkind but not friendly either. “What’s wrong with my daughter?”
Kai clears his throat, snapping back into his professional shoes. “It seems like early stages of appendicitis. We call it acute appendicitis, meaning her appendix hasn’t ruptured yet, which is good.” He gazes at you, grateful. “You got her here just in time.”
His words do little to comfort you, because you’re still stuck on the first part.
“Appendicitis?” You repeat, confused . “But–but she’s only four. How—”
“It’s not as uncommon in children as people think. Did you by any chance have one when you were younger?”
You have to think for a second, recognition then dawning. You’d completely forgotten about that borderline traumatic experience that was eerily similar to this. Waking your mom up because you were in a tremendous amount of pain and her calling 911 to rush you to the hospital. God, how could you not remember that until now? “Yes, yes, but I was—I was like 10.”
“So still a kid,” he confirms. Kai turns to Joe. “What about dad?”
“Yeah, I was twelve.”
“Wait a minute.” You don’t know about Joe, but you certainly remember the outcome of your experience. “You—you don’t have to operate on her, right?” Scoffing, your words become difficult to express. “Kai, she’s—she’s too little for that. There’s—there’s another way, right?”
“Surgery is the best treatment—”
“No!” You cut him off, not wanting to hear this shit. “You’re not cutting her open, Kai. I–I won’t—-I won’t allow it.”
Joe finally addresses you, hand on the small of your back as he tries to get you to look at him. “Y/N….”
You jerk away, “I said no!” Turning back to Kai, you plead, eyes starting to burn again, “isn’t there—isn’t there something else you can do? Like medicine or—”
“Her appendix needs to be removed, Y/N. There’s no way around that.” Kai’s tone is full-on professional, borderline pleading, needing you to actually heed to his medical opinion. “The procedure is standard, should take about an hour, and it presents minimal risk. It’s really the best and safest option. If we don’t operate, inflammation could increase and eventually cause her appendix to rupture. Once that happens, because of her age, she becomes at an increasingly high risk for infection. And that could become fatal.”
The word fatal sounds out everything else as you fall back against the wall, covering your mouth, unable to hold back the tears. “Oh my god.”
Joe looks at Kai, directring firmly. “Do it. Do it now.”
“I’ll book an OR.” Kai nods and you hear him say something else, but it’s all so distant and blurry. Fatal and Callie should never be in the same sentence, but right now it’s a reality that you can’t fathom. Your chest hurts, your stomach hollow, and head all over the place.
“I—it’s my fault,” you murmur to yourself or maybe Joe. You’re not entirely sure. “She—she told me her stomach was upset, but I—I didn’t listen. I just—I just gave her medicine and made her go to sleep.” You inhale sharply, eyes burning with salty tears. “She was in pain, and I didn’t listen to her. I didn’t—”
“Baby, look at me.” Before you realize it, Joe is in front of you, cupping your face and forcing your blurry gaze on him. “You did nothing wrong. There was no way for you to know what was happening.”
“I’m her mother, Joe—" you protest, sniffling, hands on his chest. “I’m supposed to know when something’s wrong. I’m–I’m supposed to protect her.”
“And you did,” he assures, pushing back some of your hair. “You heard the doctor. You got her here just in time. It could have been a lot worse.” He wipes away your tears, hating to see you so upset, so hard on yourself over a situation outside of your control. “You’re an amazing mother. Do you know why she’s such a great and happy kid? Because of you. Because you take such good care of her. You’ve raised her on your own, and look at how amazing she is. That’s all you. Why else do you think she’s so attached to you? Because you’re just as much her world as she is yours.” He pulls you into his chest, continuing to gently comfort you, “she’s gonna be fine, okay?”
Being held in that moment, being held by Joe is exactly what you need. It centers you as much as one can be centered in this kind of situation. You find yourself holding onto him, embracing the comfort and support.
Eyes shut, you murmur into his chest, “thank you for being here.”
You feel his hand move gently down your back, his mouth pressed to the top of your head. “Always.”
After a few minutes, maybe more, maybe less, you separate and wipe at your eyes. “Okay.” It’s trying to gather yourself before going back in the room, not wanting to scare her or make anything worse for her than it already is. “We–we need to tell her.”
“You want me to tell her?” He offers, and you’re thankful. He clearly sees how upsetting all of this is and is eager to support you anyway he can.
“No,” you finally answer. “We’ll do it together.”
Joe takes your hand and rubs his thumb across your knuckles, a kind, comforting gesture. Appreciated. You appreciate him so fucking much in this moment that it’s almost impossible to explain. Your calm in this storm, a voice of sound reason. Much needed advocate for your daughter as you fall victim to your emotions.
He looks at you once more, assessing your readiness. A simple nod gives him the answer he needs, as he heads for the door, holding it open so you can enter first.
The same nurse who so kindly recognized a need lifts her head with that same warm smile. Your eyes immediately land on Calista, who looks less pale than she was when you brought her in. She’s also no longer crying. That relieves you the most. A mother seeing her child cry is a kind of pain no one should ever have to experience.
The pain meds must be kicking in. You’re immensely grateful.
But as quick as her eyes were on you, they bounce almost instantly to Joe, a larger smile growing.
“Joe!” Even her voice is stronger, not as weak or weighed down with pain.
“There’s my girl,” Joe greets, instantly at her side, kissing the top of her head. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”
“A little better, but my tummy still hurts.”
Allowing them their moment, you turn to the nurse who’s subtly backed away, also recognizing this is a moment that shouldn’t be intruded upon. She also subtly reaches you the clipboard with the ROI that you quickly fill out and hand back to her. “Thank you,” you whisper, hoping your eyes reveal just how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness.
“Of course,” she replies, giving a final look to Callie. “I’ll leave you all alone.”
Once the door is shut and it’s just the three of you, you move to the other side of the hospital bed, seeing there’s a possible space to jump in and gently break the news to her. A shared glance with Joe followed by a nod is the answer you need as you take a deep breath.
“Calista….” As soon as she gazes at you, you recognize she knows something is up. You hardly ever use her full first name. “Baby, Joe and I talked to the doctor about what he needs to do to make you all better, and—and he said you’ve gotta have surgery to take the bad stuff out your stomach.”
Her brows cave together, confused. “What’s surgery?”
Joe jumps in, recognizing your initial difficulty with how to explain such a concept to a young child. “It’s when doctors give you medicine to make you go to sleep while they take the bad stuff out of you.”
She looks at him, a little more understanding, still obviously and understandably unsure. “Does it hurt?”
You answer, trying your best to keep your tone as calm as possible. “When you wake up, it may hurt a little but that’s cause it’s gotta heal.”
Joe shares, and you’re so grateful for his partnership at this moment. For his ability to assist and tag team. “You wanna know something? Your mom and I had the same surgery when we were kids.”
She seems intrigued by this. “Really?” Nodding, you study her facial expressions, knowing her well enough to know that she’s struggling with her emotions. She’s not alone.
Finally, after a minute of contemplation, she whispers, “I’m scared.”
“It’s okay to be scared, Callie,” Joe assures. He's so damn good with her, gentle and patient. “Everyone gets scared.”
She looks over at him, asking innocently, “even you?”
“Of course,” he answers, vulnerably sharing, “I was scared when your mom called me and said she was taking you to the hospital.” The both of you were. That’s no call any parent wants to ever receive.
She looks between the two of you. “Can you guys come with me?”
“We can’t go back with you, but we’ll be waiting right here for you as soon as you wake up.” Joe answers for you, thumb brushing over her forehead.
“You promise?”
Lips pressed against her forehead, you vow, “we promise.”
—-------
As soon as Callie is taken back to the OR and the two of you are left alone in the waiting area, Joe begins to lift his hoodie over his head, suddenly reaching it to you. “Put this on.”
You look at him, confused. “What?”
His eyes briefly trail your body, head to toe. “Do you realize what you're wearing?”
Brows furrowed, you look down and gasp. In the midst of adrenaline and flight or flight, your appearance never dawned on you. Your pajama set is short, skimpy, and shows off a slice of your stomach, not that you care too much about that. It’s more the fact that you’re not wearing a bra, and this waiting room is cold as fuck.
You also realize your bonnet is still on your head.
In short, you look a hot ass mess, more like someone waiting for admission to the psych ward instead of an anxious parent awaiting her daughter to get out of surgery.
“Fuck.” The first thing you do is rip your bonnet off, deciding to keep your pineapple. Next is accepting Joe’s hoodie, sliding it over your frame. It’s understandably baggy, grazing just above your knees. “Thank you.”
The two of you move over to the seating area as you sigh loudly, suddenly asking. “What time is it?”
He checks the watch on his wrist. “3:15.”
You scoff, rubbing your eyes but not saying anything, leaning back into the seat, trying to not get too much into your head. It’s a difficult feat when your four-year-old child is under the knife for emergency surgery.
“The doctor…..” Joe starts, and you turn to look at him. “You called him by his first name.”
He doesn’t need to elaborate for you to understand his question. “We went to high school together.” If your intention was to keep your answer as casual and general as possible, you fail miserably because Joe 100% picks up on the unspoken words.
“And?”
Shrugging, you explain, “we didn’t date per se, but we hooked up.” Looking back, you recognize how Kai was absolutely a rebound in between Amir and all his bullshit. And you do regret that, because Kai was always a genuinely nice guy. He didn't deserve to be caught up in your Joker-Harley Quinn ‘love’ story.
“Fucking hell.” Joe looks away, genuinely annoyed, and for some reason, it makes you smile. The first of the night, err, morning. And you’re weirdly thankful for this conversation, for this distraction you wonder if he's intentionally providing you. “Do all your ex’s still live here? Why does nobody ever leave this town?”
You laugh, actually laugh, and it feels nice. A contrast from all of the heaviness you’ve experienced over the past few hours.
Sucking your teeth, you respond, sassily. “I’m tired of you roasting my tiny little no name town.”
He eyes you curiously, clearly surprised by your reference. “You watch?”
“Occasionally,” you answer with a shrug. You don’t want to tell him you’ve found yourself increasingly watching Bloodline clips during the kids' lunchtime at school. Or at night when you don’t know what else to watch. Not when before his return, it was rare and in between you’d find yourself consuming anything WWE related, let alone with Roman Reigns. “Not a lot. Just enough to see how you’re doing exactly what I always knew you could do.”
Joe stares, appreciatively, gently adding, “you always believed in me.”
“Of course, I did.” It’s always been so visible and obvious. From the very beginning, you recognized his potential and knew he would excel once they finally released him from his shackles. You find yourself leaning against his body and grab onto his arm. “I could never have a bum for a baby daddy.”
You don’t have to be looking at him to know he’s rolling his eyes, that expression of his that’s a mixture of a scowl and smile.
He doesn’t say anything after that, not immediately, and that’s okay, because just sitting here, with him, not alone and in your head is a great comfort.
“She has my last name.”
You look up at him, surprised and confused as to why he’s saying this like he didn’t already know it. But it’s in that looking at him, you see it’s because he clearly didn’t already know this.
He was unaware.
Sitting up, you ask, “you didn't know?”
He shakes his head, explaining, “when I got here, I said I was here for Calista, and she said Calista Anoa’i.” That’s it. How he found out. How his daughter, who he hadn’t even known about up until not even two months ago, shared the same last name as him. All of these major life reveals being dropped on him like it’s nothing.
You feel terrible again, just for different reasons.
“I never wanted to erase you from her life. I just—” It’s hard to explain something you’re starting to not even fully understand. In such a short timespan, Joe has done a tremendous job stepping into the role of dad. So much so that it has you deeply regretting depriving him of the almost first five years of her life.
Depriving yourself of having a partner to raise Callie with.
“I just went about it all wrong,” is the best you can land on to describe what you’re thinking and feeling. “And I'm sorry you found out like this. I guess, I just thought it would have come up by now.”
“It’s fine.” It’s not. He’s just trying to be mindful of where you are emotionally right now. Always considerate, despite his own feelings.
Grabbing a hold of his arm, you lean into him again, eventually murmuring, “no, it’s not.” You’re starting to feel more and more like there was never a good enough reason to rob him of this, to have a child walking around this earth with his last name, his blood, and him be in the dark. Him being married was a factor, but it wasn’t a firm reason. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t ha—”
“Yes, I do,” you interrupt him, already knowing he’s going to try to pacify you, to try to convince you that it wasn’t that bad. Bullshit. “You missed out on so much, because of me, and I’m truly sorry, Joe. My own shit got i—”
“Excuse me?”
You sit upright, attention automatically redirected to the Caucasian woman in front of you with a bad bleach job, crows feet that probably contrast her actual age, and a clipboard. It’s the damn clipboard that kills your thought that maybe Callie is out her surgery and you guys can see her.
Wishful thinking.
“Bill it,” is your short, curt reply as you lay back down against Joe’s arm. His eyes are on you, curious.
The woman gives a small, fake laugh. “Excuse me?”
“You’re here to discuss insurance shit, right?” Her silence is the answer you need. “Well, I’m telling you to bill my insurance and then send me a bill.”
She extends a more authentic smile to Joe, and you almost could swear you see the faintest hint of blush on her pale face. “Well, aren’t you three steps ahead?” When you don’t say anything, she awkwardly clears her throat and continues. “I actually wanted to know if you’d like to take advantage of this really great option we have where we give you an estimated cost and accept payment now so that—”
“Lady, my daughter is in surgery right now. I don’t give a scathing fuck about your great option. Bill it, and get the hell away from us.” Your words are blunt, coarse, and very much to the point. You couldn’t give two shits about anything she has to say if it’s not regarding Callie being out, up, and all better.
Joe chuckles above you, still saying nothing, just watching her walk away with her tail between her legs. “You had some restraint. I’m proud of you.”
“Shut up,” you mutter, eyes closing as you try to allow yourself to bask in the comfort he provides. It’s such a different experience. The last time you had to rush Callie to the ER, she was two, your mom was out of town on a women’s retreat, and Mariah was off on her honeymoon. It was just you, by yourself, waiting to find out what the hell was wrong with your toddler.
Having someone with you in this moment, having him with you, means more to you than he could ever imagine.
“How’d you come up with her name?” He asks after a few moments of silence.
This brings a smile to your face, a genuine one that you actually feel in your body. “A book.”
“Like a baby name book?” You should have known better. Joe is many things, a man of specificity being pretty high up there.
You hesitate to respond. “Not exactly.”
He glances down, assessing your expression before tilting his head back. “You didn’t.”
“Hear me out.”
“Did you seriously name our daughter after some character from one of your freaky ass sex books?” You’re grateful for the little laughter this conversation provides you, and it makes you realize how much this man must have missed you to remember that. To remember your guilty pleasure for smutty kindle books. Not so much as you’ve gotten older and just genuinely don’t have the time to read them.
Resting your chin against his massive arm, you defend, “first of all, rude. Secondly, it wasn’t even that freaky. Unfortunately.” He rolls his eyes and you continue, “the character was actually really interesting and not awful. And I’d never heard the name Calista before, so when I looked it up and saw it meant most beautiful….it just fit.” Toward the end of your pregnancy was when you fully allowed yourself to embrace being a mother, regardless of the circumstances. It was a blessing and beautiful experience, and you found yourself counting down the days until your due date. “Her middle name is Manaia.”
He chuckles, softly. “That’s Samoan.”
Chewing on your bottom lip, you rest your cheek against him again. “I know…I told you, she’s just as much you as she is me.”
—-------
Joe approaches the front desk, seeing a brunette woman scrolling on her phone with a bored expression. Understandable, given the room is empty sans a janitor making the rounds. It’s probably the first and last empty emergency room he’ll ever come across.
“Excuse me.”
She looks up, and her mouth parts, an instant smile growing. One he’s used to but wholeheartedly couldn’t care less about.
“Hi.” Her tone is much more breathy than what’s necessary, some attempt at coming off flirtatious would be his guess. Zero shits are still given.
Joe doesn’t waste any time, already wanting to get back to you, even if he knows you went to go call your mom and let her know what happened. Still, he needs to, at the very least, get back before he has to feed you some bullshit excuse about where he was. “I need to add a new card on file for Calista Anoa’i.”
She leans forward, chin in her hand, uneven, needle thin eyebrows wiggling. “Are you dad?”
Obviously. “Yes.”
“Lucky kid.” He’d take a good guess that she doesn’t recognize him, which for that, he’s grateful. She just finds him attractive, which is still irritating and unprofessional as hell. Have an attraction, but don’t be so vocal and desperate. “Mom too.”
Ignoring her comment, he grabs his wallet, pulling out his card and sliding it over.
“Do—”
“Change it to the default payment,” he instructs, not in the mood for whatever else she wants to try. It’s all in vain. He has eyes for one woman only, and it certainly isn’t her. “Is there any way you can set it up for autopay?”
She gives Joe a strange expression, like she questions his ability to consent. Because no one in their right mind would authorize a hospital to have such power with their money. “Umm, we can, but it’s really not recommended because you can never guarantee just how much insurance will and won’t cover. So, if they deny the claim in its entirety, then they’ll charge the entire balance—”
“That’s fine,” he cuts her off. “Just do it, and make sure any future charges go to that card only.” He thinks about it, asking, “matter of fact, can you take mom’s card off file altogether?” Joe knows you’re gonna bite his head off for this, and he doesn’t care. He knows medical bills can get costly, and you’re not making bank on a teacher’s salary. The least he can do is take care of his daughter’s medical costs.
“Uhh, sure, as long as you understand—”
“Money isn’t an issue. At all. Do it.”
She shakes her head but types away eventually reaching Joe his card. “All done. You can call and change it at any—”
“I won’t.” And that’s a fact. “Thank you.”
Joe doesn’t give her a chance to respond or try anything else, turning to head back to the waiting area and is relieved when you return only minutes after he’s sat down.
“Well, as expected, she’s upset I didn’t call her but calmed down a little bit when I told her you’ve been here with me,” you catch him up, sitting down next to him again. “And she’s on her way. She wants us to go back to my place to get some sleep.”
Immediately, he protests. “We can’t leave Callie.”
You open your mouth to mostly agree with him when you hear footsteps and feel your stomach flutter seeing Kai heading in your direction.
He gets straight to the point. “Surgery was successful. She’s gonna be fine.” There are no words to properly describe your relief. The past hour felt like the longest period of your life and to know that it wasn’t in vain is so utterly comforting.
“Thank God,” you breathe, also standing up with Joe. “Thank you, Kai.” You briefly close your eyes, shaking your head and correcting yourself. “I’m sorry, uhh. Dr. Sawyer.”
“Come on, Y/N. I’ll always just be Kai to you.” It’s said so innocently, and it’s also then you notice the wedding band on his left hand. But, Joe must be giving him a look, because he’s suddenly awkwardly clearing his throat. “Because she’s so young, I'd like to keep her a couple more days to monitor her.”
“Of course,” you agree. There’s no protest at your daughter having medical personnel surrounding her at all times following a surgical procedure.
He nods and starts to walk away when you remember something, catching him and moving away from Joe to speak privately.
“Ummm…..” you haven't a clue how to approach nor explain this but try your best. “Joe…..he’s just now in her life. She—she doesn’t even know he’s her dad. It’s….a long, complicated story, but we’re trying to keep everything private—”
He says your name, interrupting you, “ever heard of HIPAA? None of what happened tonight leaves this emergency room.” You nod, slightly assured. “And if it makes you feel any better, I’ll remind the nurses of that too.’
That gives you all of the relief. The last thing you want or need is this becoming fodder for the media. One of the many reasons you love your town is how off the grid it is with a lot of things. Most of them probably wouldn’t even recognize Joe, and the few who do would never dare speak of it outside of this same town, respecting that he’s still a human being.
“Thank you, Kai. Seriously.”
He offers you such a genuine smile and adds, “I’m glad I got to see you, Y/N. The circumstances weren’t the best, but I’m pleased to see you ended up happy.” He starts to walk backwards, adding with a slight smirk. “About time you moved on from the likes of Amir and Mariah.”
That throws you for a loop. You understand the part about Amir, but Mariah?
What did he mean by that?
You don’t really have time to think about it, because Joe is at your side, holding your hand and reminding you that you two need to get back in the room for Callie. That’s enough to put the confusion about what just occurred to the back burner.
Thankfully, when they roll Callie back into her room, she’s still slightly out of it from the anesthesia. But when she comes to, she’s thrilled to see the both of you and announces in a small, proud voice, “I did it.”
It gives you another genuine laugh, and the two of you enjoy her, your brave, sweet little girl.
As you expected, your mom enters the room, immediately going and comforting Callie. She gives you a little slap on your arm for not calling her, still upset about that.
That’s also expected.
What isn’t entirely expected is your mom talking to Callie about why you and Joe need to go home for a little bit to rest because you’re tired too. She’s not entirely wrong, Now that you’re out of the flight of it all, you’re crashing and crashing hard. Even Joe looks tired.
Surprisingly, your mom is able to get Callie to agree with this. It takes more convincing for Joe, but he also eventually relents. And instead of driving all the way to your place, you suggest you two just go to his hotel room which is closer to the hospital.
That’s an easy sell for him.
Reaching the hotel, you convince Joe to shower first, as you have something you need to take care of. It takes some convincing, but he eventually agrees. Once you hear the shower running, you pull out your phone, surprised to see it hasn’t died and has enough, hopefully, for you to shoot out one more message.
One you’ve been putting off, but desperately need, especially as of the last 24 to 48 hours.
Alexis,
Hi. I know it’s been a couple of weeks since my last email, and I’m sorry. I would text you, but I have no idea where in the world you are right now or if you have reception. So, email it is. A lot….a lot has happened. Joe is back in the picture, and he knows about Callie. But, interestingly enough, that’s not an issue at all. He’s so good with her, and she already clearly loves him so much. We haven’t told her he’s her dad, but he plans to do it for Christmas. Callie also had to have emergency surgery last night. Her appendix. That was….a lot. She’s good now, made it out of surgery fine. Thank God. Also, Joe’s divorced. And he more or less told me he wants us to be together, and I don’t know how to feel about that. Sorry, this is all over the place. Joe and I have been up all night with Callie at the hospital, so my brain isn’t working. I just needed to send this now, because I keep forgetting, and I miss you and could really use some advice right now. I need my long distance best friend.
Love,
Your favorite college roomie
You should probably reread your email before sending it, but that requires energy, and you’re literally operating on fumes. When Joe steps out of the bathroom, shirtless, you don’t even bat an eye, which is unlike you. You’ve always been insanely attracted to him, for obvious reasons.
You just accept the shirt he offers, close the bathroom door, strip naked and step into the shower. So exhausted, you don’t even realize until halfway through you forgot to use the shower cap but thankfully only a little bit of your hair gets wet.
Not that it matters. Even washing yourself is such a task.
You’re out of the shower as soon as you feel adequately clean, rid of hospital germs. You don’t even care that the shirt is the only thing covering your otherwise nude body, breast stretching against the cotton.
It is what it is.
Stepping out of the bathroom with your clothes tucked under your side, you settle on placing them on a nearby chair. Or maybe it’s a table. You’re not too sure nor do you care all that much. You just need to sleep.
But, it’s also when you see he’s moving toward the sofa, you know you need something else.
Someone.
“Joe.”
He turns around, and you move over to him, reaching for his hand. The tug is slight but enough to have him follow your guidance toward the bed where you switch positions so he falls on his back. Moving to the side of the mattress, you climb into the bed and turn on your side, back toward him. You don’t need to ask, because his strong arm is suddenly around you, pulling you into his hard chest.
Sighing in content, you allow his mouth to graze your temple as he pulls the blankets over the both of you.
Hand on his thick forearm that’s keeping you close against him, you murmur, “Callie comes first. We get her straight, make sure she’s okay.” You roll on your back, meeting his telling gaze. “Then we figure out us.”
Joe is staring down at you with an affection you hadn’t realized you missed so deeply until this moment. He doesn’t say anything, just nods in acknowledgment and caresses your cheek. Grateful and tired of so much thinking, you push your body against his, shifting with him as moves onto his back and keeps you close against him.
He doesn’t say anything, and neither do you, because none of that matters in that moment. You don’t need to think about anything, don’t want to think about anything, just want to be close to him, just be with the man you’re almost certain now that you never stopped loving.
And also now wonder if he once felt the same, still feels the same.
If he’s always felt the same way.
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Guess The build Quotes #1
“In order to make Scar everybody knows you start with some booty shorts” Gem
“I’m not obsessed…I just looked at my phone background and [built] Etho!” Joel
“So Joel this is what Jimmy thinks of your viewership. That they are walking thumbs.” Grian
“Those are all unlikely scenarios that turned into likely scenarios. Apart from Jimmy winning the Life Series.” Grian
“Put some pants on that man my gosh!” Joel
“Really really annoying people. Just happens to have a red shirt on.” Gem
“Grr that really waxes my back” Grian
“I’m second guessing all my guesses when I’m behind Skizz” Joel
“The pressure here isn’t necessarily to build that, the pressure here is to identify my best friend. So, it’s gonna be Jim.” Grian
“I don’t know if this is a personal attack towards Jimmy but we’ll see.” Joel
“I think there’s been a few personal attacks” Gem
“It’s gone quite personal I feel” Grian
“He’s got a power pose” Grian
“When my bar of soap starts leaking water it is really annoying” Grian
“All I’m asking is that you give me arms!!” Jimmy
“You know what really dries my eyeballs?” Grian
“The uno reverse card has hit so hard here” Jimmy
“JOEL CAN’T READ! JOEL CAN’T READ!!” Gem
“Learn how to read Joel” Gem
“Shut up Gem! Learn how to spell SOAP” Joel
“‘I’m Gem and I love Gardens’ that’s what I heard” Jimmy
“Why don’t you shove your… HELLO! Let’s get started!” Joel
“[Joel] I don’t know what that means but ok…” Impulse
“I know what’s going on, I’m not happy about it though.” Gem
“D-Do flowers have elbows? In magic?” Gem
“Is this good or does it suck? Don’t answer that!!” Skizz
#mcytumblr#mcyt#quotes#mcyt quotes#mcytblr#mcyt tag#grian#skizzleman#impulsesv#geminitay#solidaritygaming#smallishbeans#guess the build
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BnHA Chapter 424: Detroit Tears
Previously on BnHA: You know what, fandom is way too heated about this still so we’re just going to leave that be that for now and not get involved. I have some conflicted feelings about it, but this is not the place or time. This is a happy post.
Today on BnHA: Oh right, Horikoshi still owns the rights to my soul. And I’ve just been reminded of why I willingly signed them over to him so freely.
Quick heads up that this isn’t going to be my usual style of chapter reaction post, in that it’s really just going to be a ton of rambling about That One Scene. Partly because I’m only halfway caught up with stuff, but mostly because tbh, this is the only thing that matters to me right at this moment.
Also this is your friendly neighborhood spoiler warning that I’m posting about a chapter which hasn’t officially been released yet! So proceed at your own discretion. This reaction is based on @pikahlua’s excellent spoiler translation writeup here. I’ve officially lost all of my fucks about spoilers and it’s extremely liberating.
I’m glad that Kacchan’s arm isn’t just magically better and that he’s never going to be 100% again. and also that the doctor mentions him needing to rest his heart as well. because I did feel like there needed to be at least a few lasting consequences from him LITERALLY DYING AND UNDERGOING OPEN-HEART SURGERY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLEFIELD. but I’m also glad they established that it wasn’t career-ending or anything. he’ll probably have some chronic pain and occasionally aggravate his old injuries while fighting, all of which is great for angst purposes. but it was good to see him being calmly accepting of that while also being determined to put the work in to rehab it as much as possible.
also enjoyed the doctor summing up Kacchan’s highly improbable main character resurrection and subsequent antics as basically being some wild bullshit that nobody can explain. lampshaded the shit out of it. “I don’t really understand” lol. nobody understands. in truth it’s that his secondary quirk is bending reality to his will in order to kick ass.
moving on to the main event now! so Kacchan and Izuku’s reunion was obviously the highlight of this chapter and of my life, probably. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like it wasn’t. y’all know how it is.
what really made this scene for me was Kacchan being more upset at Izuku’s loss than Izuku himself. all those callbacks and all that guilt. that careful selection of flashback panels. the fact that Kacchan’s past bullying of the quirkless Izuku wasn’t glossed over or forgotten, and in fact is the emotional core that fuels Kacchan’s reaction here. Horikoshi didn't have to cut that deep, but he knows what he's about.
and then the crying. I need to write a lot of words about this right the fuck now. first off, having Kacchan just flat out sob while Izuku for once is the calm one (at least until All Might goes in for the emotional kill later on), is such a beautiful reversal and really shows how far they’ve come. even better is that none of it was even remotely out of character. I’m always appreciative when an author can produce top tier emotional hurt/comfort like this and have it feel earned and authentic rather than forced. well done.
also, “Na--cchan!!” fuck yeah Izuku. we’ll never let him live this down. (but also, him later trying to reconcile his forever-tough image of Kacchan with the crying, hiccupping version standing in front of him, by blaming it on Kacchan’s weakened physical state... oh, Izuku.)
also the fact that Kacchan so easily reverts to this smol crying boy even after defeating the world’s greatest evil pretty much activated every protective instinct that I have. he’s seventeen. he’s practically a man now. he’s objectively one of the strongest and toughest people in the entire world. and yet his eyes still go so wide and his face is still so young and Horikoshi still draws him so tiny and vulnerable whenever he’s like this. goddamn gets me EVERY single time. let’s be real, it’s been this way ever since the “you looked like you needed saving” scene back in the literal first chapter. just, omg. he’s still just a kid and he’s too small to contain all these feelings SOMEONE HELP HIM.
anyway so NEEDLESS TO SAY, Kacchan full on mourning in between sobs because he wanted to keep being rivals with Izuku cut me to my core. I cried too, goddammit. because in Katsuki’s mind it’s like. he wasted a dozen years of potential friendship by being a giant asshole. and they were only able to start getting things back on track less than a year ago. and that was probably the best year of both of their lives. and that rivalry meant so much to both of them. pursuing their dreams together as equals. and he wanted it to continue!! he missed out on so much, and it was his own damn fault, and now it’s all being taken away again maybe!!
and I think it’s especially devastating to Katsuki because he was trying so hard to make up for how he treated Izuku, and then this comes along and now he’s worried it was all for nothing. he’s scared that Izuku will maybe have to quit being a hero. (we know that won’t happen, obviously, but Katsuki is living this and not just reading it. he’s never met narrator!Deku and doesn’t have the benefit of all that foreshadowing and stuff.) but even more than that, I think he’s scared that it will undo all of their progress toward mending their relationship. not because Katsuki thinks any less of Izuku now, quirk or no quirk; but because of how Izuku might feel about being quirkless again, and because of the memories it might bring flooding back to the surface. I don’t think Katsuki fully believes that Izuku has forgiven him. so that’s a major fear potentially rearing its ugly head once more now.
and of course, he’s also just sad and upset on Izuku’s behalf, because he knows Izuku is sad about it too, even if he’ll never show it and will just downplay it because of his selfless nature. it’s a major loss, and one deserving of tears being shed, even if Izuku won’t shed any of his.
so yeah. it’s a lot. in Katsuki’s mind it’s the potential loss of a partner (if Izuku quits heroics), and a friend (if Izuku does cool toward Katsuki as a result of being quirkless again), and a dream (of them reaching the highest heights together), and his friend’s dream. so it makes perfect sense that all of that would overwhelm him. all of this is stuff that’s broken him down on past occasions as well.
so anyway it’s going be very cathartic when all those fears prove to be unfounded (because they better be unfounded lol). but in the meantime it’s a very moving reminder of how much he really does care and how far the both of them have come.
also Horikoshi really couldn’t resist giving Nobu one last chance to destroy everyone when this scene rolls up in the anime. that’s so reckless of him. there will be no survivors.
All Might telling both of them they’d become the greatest heroes was also the perfect chef’s kiss moment on top of everything else. we already knew it, of course. but it was good to hear him say it. and they needed him to say it. they needed and deserved to hear it.
and I really love that the qualities he specifically praised them for were the same things that each of them had struggled with the most in their respective journeys. he tells Izuku, who had such a difficult time learning how to tell the world “I am here!!”, that he inspires everyone and has become everyone’s hero. and he reminds Katsuki, who struggled with learning how to save people, and has especially struggled with his guilt over what happened to All Might at Kamino, that he saved All Might’s life and is the reason he’s able to still be there with them. both of them just really needed to hear that acknowledgement and encouragement, and it was such a powerful passing of the torch moment. All Might gets so much shit from the fandom, but he really is a phenomenal mentor when he’s in the zone, and I’ll die on that hill.
also a nice touch keeping the focus of those panels on the two boys and their reactions. even though I would have liked to see All Might’s face when he thanked them at the end, it definitely felt deliberate. this is their moment. their soft little tearful smiles afterwards punted my heart off a cliff and then picked it up and held it gently.
lastly, let it be known that I’m still convinced Katsuki has OFA (All Might vestige explanation when??), and it’s not lost on me that that would be a mighty convenient way for Izuku to potentially still go on a-quirkin’ in the end, if that’s how Horikoshi wants to play it. I'm just saying.
also before I forget, just a quick shoutout to Horikoshi for FINALLY showing all three members of the Bakufam in a scene together in which they finally managed to not be completely dysfunctional lol. my deepest darkest BnHA secret is that Mitsuki is secretly super high up on my list of favorite characters. and she was great in this chapter, and I love how she was just “WHAT THE FUCK” aghast at Katsuki using his main character powers to continuously ignore his injuries. and then she and Masaru kind of silently agreeing to step outside the room and let the boys and All Might have their moment. while still secretly listening in. because you know they were. good for them.
lastly for reals, I just want you all to remember that as great as this chapter was, the one thing that it was STILL missing which we have STILL not gotten is a HUG. we demand HUGS. I’m not leaving this manga till I get a bkdk hug goddammit. I will stay here all night if I have to.
#bnha 424#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#bnha meta#bakugou meta#bakudeku meta#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#horikoshi I am putting my faith in you to write the rest of the characters' epilogues with as much care as this one#that 'this is not the type of manga that can immediately end after the fighting is done' statement is one I'm gonna hold you to sir#I told myself I'd be happy with whatever we got but the truth is I still have Expectations#our fates are in your hands
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Can we just stop for a second and think about Charles attending his own funeral?
I can’t stop picturing him—still not used to being dead—playing a sickening version of hide and seek, just him and his fears. He’s still a kid, hidden in a dark corner, watching his mother cry over a coffin that will soon be six feet deep. Rotting.
He is the uninvited guest, observing his mother from the shadows. He doesn’t find a trace of the silent tears in her eyes—the ones he had seen a thousand times before—but there’s desperation instead. A violent tremble shakes her shoulders, her sobs are stealing the air from her lungs. There’s pain running down her cheeks, the sort of torturing agony that can only be driven by guilt, and loss, and grief.
He sees people around, unknown voices trying to calm her down. He sees blurred faces, question marks, beating hearts but blind eyes. They don’t know anything about her, and they will never know anything about him.
He wants to get closer, but he doesn’t know how. He wants to never see her again. He wants to scream; he wants to tell her that he would have never chosen to leave her if he had been granted the choice. He wants her to look at him; he wants her to hold him as she’s holding onto that inert wooden box.
But she never will.
Just one more time, he looks at her intently.
“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart.”
Just one more time, he takes one step closer.
“I promise…”
Just one more—
“I’m so sorry for your loss, Mr. Rowland.”
It's cold again. He retreats to the shadows and looks ahead. There's no one, not a single person, who shows less kindness than his own father.
He stays three steps away from his mother, with a hardened expression that never changes. They may think he's stoic, but Charles knows better; he is looking at him—at the lifeless body that once was him—with so much contained rage. It looks like home, the unwelcoming preamble to another beating, and Charles believes he is selfish for feeling relieved, for finding solace in his own death.
There is no one around to judge him for it, yet he still worries so much; he's safe, but somehow, he's still crying on the floor inside his mind, and the bruises keep blooming, and the pain feels so real.
"Charles?"
How can he explain that he wants to be alive, but he doesn't want his life back? It's just a plight he would rather avoid because he fears that if he keeps thinking about it, the water would come back, and this time, he wouldn't be able to find a way out. He would be trapped forever, fighting senselessly against the freezing cold, suffocating within the walls of his own nightmare.
Alone.
"Are you alright?"
He doesn't want to stay and haunt this place; he doesn't want to be remembered like this. He would rather pray for his mother to let him go, and for the violence to let go of her.
"Would you prefer me to wait for you outside?"
He doesn't want to feel fragile, he doesn't want to be useless, he doesn't want to be angry. He would rather bury his own aching body along with all his losses, but he would remember his father's eyes, just in case.
For now, he needs to pull himself together because there's someone looking for him—hide and seek, but it's not scary anymore—maybe he will have to leave his hideout soon, but is it losing when you want to be found?
"No,"
Cold colors seem warmer when the light comes in.
Don't leave me.
"I'll go with you."
#this was supposed to be short#charles rowland#charles dead boy detectives#edwin paine#edwin payne#chedwin#paineland#payneland#painland#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective netflix#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detectives agency#the dead boy detectives#dbda#dbda fanfic#dc universe#dcu
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