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smoft-demons · 27 days

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MC needs some extra love

_______

You’re having an off day. Your demons have asked to make sure nothing’s actually wrong, just to be safe, but they’ve seen you like this a few times before. They understand. You’re just feeling down for no particular reason. Just sad and low energy. Extra tired.

Nothing happened, no one hurt you, nothing’s wrong… you just woke up in a low mood. Because it simply be like that sometimes. You just… need some extra affection today. No reason. It’s okay, they’re not judging. They’ll do what they can to cheer you up a little—they love you, you know. They want to see you smile at least once today.

_______

Lucifer:

When Lucifer notices your mood, he softens towards you a lot. He asks if anything is wrong first of course—they all do—but once he learns that there’s nothing he needs to correct and no one he needs to punish on your behalf, he just softens. He treats you more gently than usual.

He expects you’ll get fed up entertaining all his brothers, with their endless chaotic energy. So he invites you to hide out with him in his office. You are invited to just sit with him and read, or put on some music, or play a game on your DDD, or just rest… or whatever it is that will help.

He’ll even let you curl up in his lap and cuddle with him if that’s what you want. That cheers him up too.

He quietly redistributes the most taxing of your chores for today amongst the seven of them, to give you time to recharge.

You’ll find Levi and Beel doing the dishes for you when it’s your turn, or if you’re supposed to make dinner you’ll find that Mammon and Asmo have already ordered everyone takeout, and they’re already in the middle of setting it all out on the table. You won’t have to do a thing! If you were supposed to clean up a common space in the house, it’ll already be done by some of your assorted pact partners. You might even find sticky notes placed amongst your homework in Lucifer’s, Satan’s, and Belphie’s handwriting, suggesting edits and books titles to check for better information, and pointing out any parts in your work that are particularly well done.

When you check your DDD later, you see that Lucifer had instructed his brothers to take on what they can from you to make your life easier today. He was not planning on letting you know that, clearly—because he sent that in the brothers group chat. You only know because Karasu’s spy feature showed you.

His support is shown in all these soft, quiet details. Peaceful moments. Simple, but unmistakable reminders of how loved you are. It’s okay if you don’t smile today, even though he would like you too. He will verbally remind you that loves you anyway.

_______

Mammon:

Mammon’s first instinct, of course, is retail therapy. He offers to take you shopping. He’ll even pay for your stuff! He doesn’t mind if it makes you happy!

You appreciate that very much—and maybe you’d be happy to take him up on that if you were sad for a reason, but… you just have no spare energy. Just thinking about going out exhausts you more. You’d have to deal with looking at things! And forming opinions, and deciding on stuff to buy! There’s crowds and cashiers and bright lights and just… stuff outside! You can’t, you just can’t. You have no energy and you can’t.

The first time Mammon sees you like this, he’s confused. You don’t wanna go out? You don’t want any new stuff?? He sure hasn’t felt like that before!

He puts effort into figuring out what will actually help cheer you up instead. He’s considerate that way.

He tries taking you for a long drive. He tries taking tasks off your to-do list. He tries trailing after you all day to keep you company, holding your hand, chattering all day so you can’t hear your thoughts, staying quiet so you don’t get overstimulated. He cycles through every possible approach over the months, on every random day you happen to wake up like this.

It’s all greatly appreciated—and hey, some of his ideas work better than the rest! You feel loved and cared for regardless. It’s impossible to miss how much he adores you.

Eventually though, he strikes gold!

That particular day, he had been telling you a stupid joke every time he ran into you, in an attempt to make you smile. He gets a weak grin for his troubles just about halfway through the day. He beams at you triumphantly at that, impulsively scooping you up for a hug and repeatedly kissing the top of your head, and—aha! THERE’S the smile he was looking for!

From that point on, he knows what to do!

The next time you wake up in this mood, he takes the first opportunity to give you a playfully over the top show of affection. Over the course of the day, he keeps doing it!

He runs into you in the hallway between classes, he (gently) aggressively ruffles your hair as he passes you. He finds you aimlessly walking through the house, you immediately get snatched into his arms for a nice long squeeze. You sit with him as he’s scrolling through devilgram, he sets it aside for a moment to squish your cheeks between his hands and cover your forehead and nose with loud, playful kisses. You go up to him and request attention? You get kiss attacked, and he won’t let up until you crack a smile!

Your brain hurts, he says, echoing your very first explanation. It’s okay though, he says. He’ll kiss it better, he says.

He is MORE than happy to completely discard the tsundere façade to lean into this… over-the-top affectionate silliness, as long as it continues to make you laugh and smile like that.

He won’t admit it, but… this is more honest. This is much closer to who he is at heart than his usual behaviour is. Try as he might, he can’t hide how much he cares to save his life.

The realest aspect of Mammon is not the dumbass, not the money-grubber, not the uncaring cool guy that he pretends to be… no, it’s the goofy dork who loves you SO much that he’d go to any amount of effort to cheer you up.

He’s damn good at it too! HE was put in charge of your well-being for a reason! He’s the best big brother/guardian/friend/pact partner ever, and you’re his to take care of. He’s not letting HIS human go without smiling once for a whole day! You’re the sole member of his family he can openly dote on, and dammit, he will!

_______

Levi:

Levi’s go-to is, of course, distracting you with media. He tries games first, but if you’re too low-energy for that, he gets it. He tries anime, movies, shows, videos, manga, whatever you seem to respond best to.

You’ll notice a theme of letting others help, confiding in friends, opening up to people. There are repeated instances of characters asking for support from the rest of the cast and then being helped and taken care of. Lots of power of friendship stories, lots of hurt/comfort and “it’s rotten work” “not to me, not if it’s you” and team-as-family.

Maybe, just maaaybe, he’s trying to tell you something!

He relaxes when you explain that you just woke up like this, sometimes this just happens and it’s no one’s fault, there’s no problem, he doesn’t have to worry about you. He gets that! Sometimes he wakes up like that too. It does happen!

But… you’re his player two! He wants to worry about you!

So he takes care of you the way he wishes someone would take care of him when he gets like that. Gives you the extra love he knows first-hand that you need right now. He lets you choose the entertainment, he holds your hand, and mirrors what you do to self-soothe.

If you wanna lie on the floor and stare at his jellyfish decorations, he’s right next to you. If you wanna tell Henry how you’re feeling, he’s right there with you doing the same so you don’t have to feel self-conscious. If you’re stimming, he will too. That one makes him happy as well! If you wanna burrow into a pile of blankets and plushies like a hognose snake, he totally gets it and will also do that. He does that anyway sometimes, just because it’s comfy.

There’s not a hint of judgement from Levi. Ever. He gets it.

When you guys HAVE to leave his room, like for meals and such, he lends you his headphones. So you don’t get overstimulated from all the noise his brothers make. He never goes far from you, either. He always stays close enough that you can reach for him if you want to.

After dinner, when you’re tired and done with trying to act normal (not that even one of your demons is fooled), Levi brings you back to his room. He asks if you have any requests, anything you want to do, anything he can do to help you. If you know what you need, he’ll just do it. If you don’t, he’ll offer comfort in some form that makes sense to him. He understands that all you really need is some extra love when you’re like this, so he’s not at a loss. He gets it, he feels the same way sometimes, he can do that!

You end up curled up in his lap, hiding your face in his shoulder as he watches an anime you’ve both seen before at a low volume. Familiar and comforting. He’s happy to just sit and chill with you until you feel like you’ve recharged enough. He knows you’d do the same for him.

_______

Satan:

Satan’s instinct, once he learns what’s going on, is to bring you to the quiet spot outside where the stray cats he has befriended gather and then plonk the chillest one in your lap.

Cats are perfect fluffy little warm purring bundles of free therapy, after all. How could you not be recharged by this?

He’s not wrong, the cat definitely helps. It is in fact a perfect creature.

But… well, you don’t bother to spend the energy on saying so, but being outside isn’t really helping. You cringe at every loud noise. The wind ruffling your clothes every so often is annoying you. You’re sitting on concrete and it’s making you cold. The streetlights feel particularly aggressive to your eyes today. Very stabby. There are smells outside! No one wants that!

You love the cats, but Satan is giving them all his attention and you’re getting just a little bit jealous. You as well are giving the cat in your lap all your attention, and—as stupid as you feel about it—you’re getting a little bit jealous about that too. You want attention too! All the cat has to do is be cute and soft and it can have all the petting and cuddling it wants! As it deserves, yes, but… don’t you as well, though..?

You try to push that feeling away and just pet the cat. The cat did nothing wrong, you still love it, you’re supposed to be feeling MORE recharged from this! Not… whatever it is you do feel. At the end of the day you still enjoy petting the cat and you don’t want it to leave. That’s still true and that’s what matters, you tell yourself.

Eventually the cat decides it’s had enough petting for now, and gets up. Satan checks on you, fully expecting you to be thoroughly cheered up! Instead he sees you staring forlornly at your hands, mostly zoned out. Confused, he asks if you’re okay.

You nod once, giving him a hollow smile.

Now he’s concerned. He takes a minute to finish petting the cats surrounding him—noting the hint of jealousy in your eyes as you observe him—then comes to sit on the concrete stair next to you.

He gently points out that he knows you well enough to detect a lie. Especially an unconvincing lie like that. You give a noncommittal hum in reply. That’s all you have the energy for.

He wraps an arm around your shoulders, letting you slump against his side. Your head leans against his shoulder. His other arm comes up to stroke your head for a moment, then drops down again to take your hand.

In a small, tired voice, you thank him. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze in reply.

Eventually he adjusts you so he can hold you more comfortably. Every so often he kisses the top of your head, or rubs your shoulder, or squeezes your hand, or says something quietly to you. Pointing out a interesting leaf shape, telling you something inconsequential about his day, prompting you to look when one of the cats does something cute, reminding you that he loves you and it’s okay to feel like this. That he enjoys your company no matter what mood you’re in.

This helps a lot more. Eventually you have enough energy to reply to him in full sentences! He’s visibly relieved at that. Still, he continues to hold you.

It’s after this point that a different cat comes up to you. It sniffs your shoelace then rubs itself against your leg. It flops over your shoe, stretching adorably with its little paws reaching up. It looks up at you all wide-eyed and cute, and finally you give a short puff of a laugh. Satan feels it more than hears it, but still!! He feels successful!

You pet this cat as it stands up and sniffs at your free hand. You look at it with a little smile. There’s a bit more soul in this smile, to Satan’s relief.

Later, as the two of you are leaving, he slips the cat a treat and whispers a thank you to it. Then he takes your hand again and leads you back home.

(He makes a mental note to himself for next time: pet the sad human first!! Then go see the cats!)

_______

Asmo:

Asmo notices that you’re having one of those days today, and he rushes to spoil you. Like Mammon, his first instinct is to take you shopping—but specifically for clothes and makeup and skincare products. Stuff that would cheer him up.

But you’re tired, and he understands that. It’s okay, he still knows what to do!

Asmo brings you into his room. You curl up in a sad, tired lump on his bed. He lets you chill there while he gathers up the stuff he wants.

He returns to you with his arms full of stuff! Nail polish, face masks, a hairbrush, moisturizer and hair oil, etc etc. Stuff for taking care of you.

He makes a point of only doing stuff that doesn’t sting at all. No plucking eyebrows or messing with your cuticles or anything like that. Just the stuff that feels nice.

Asmo quietly chatters about people he knows and stuff he’s used and whatever the latest gossip he’s heard is. Not even really to inform you this time, because he knows you’re probably not gonna remember much when you’re like this, but more to provide you with a constant, grounding backdrop of his familiar voice.

He speaks softly to you as he wipes your face with cleanser and then proceeds with his skincare process. He gently brushes your hair, spending twice as long as necessary just because it feels nice. He insists you don’t bother to move as he sits next to you and paints your nails.

At some point he runs out of stuff to do, so he ends up just brushing over your face with a clean makeup brush. No product on it at all, he’s just doing it to make you relax, because it’s soft and it feels nice. It’s meditative, honestly. For both of you.

He spends a good long while doing that.

He finishes up and lies down next to you. He pulls you into a cuddle. You offer to return the favour for him. Do his skincare and hair and nails and stuff for him, spoil him back—because he deserves the best.

For the first time ever, he declines. He shushes you and holds you tighter. This is the only situation in which he would ever refuse that!

He says you’re more than welcome to return the favour tomorrow if you like, but for now he just wants you to rest. He did all that for you to get you in this relaxed state you’re in right now, don’t get up and un-relax yourself so fast! Keep your brain turned off! It’s good for you sometimes!

… yes, Asmo is surprised by his own selflessness too—more surprised than you are by now, knowing him. He’s always been selfless for your sake since you first became his friend. It still surprises him though.

_______

Beel:

Beel is your best guy for validation. For quiet, thoughtful, unwavering support. He’s a lot more insightful than he’s often given credit for. He’s one of the best people in this family in terms of emotional intelligence, no question about it.

He knows just what to do. He observes you as the day goes on, taking the first opportunity to pull you aside and check on you without any others around. Just to make absolutely sure there’s nothing else going on.

His voice is soft, his hands are gentle, and he puts effort into understanding you. You’re family, he loves you so much! So of course he would.

He’ll share his food with you of course—both because he wants you to know that he loves you that much, and because he’s trying to remove a task from your to-do list. You don’t have to think about getting food and preparing it and any of that if he just. Does it for you. You can spend your very limited energy elsewhere.

He’ll take you with him on his routine walk, just so you can have a change of scenery and an opportunity to chat uninterrupted.

He listens to you complain about being outside with his characteristic placid sympathy—a combination that would be a bit contradictory if it came from anyone else, but somehow makes perfect sense for Beel. It’s soothing. Reassuring, somehow. He helps a lot, just by being himself.

When you inevitably run out of energy—much quicker than you usually do, but you expected that—he offers to carry you. Or rather, he automatically goes to do it on muscle memory, because that’s just what he does with tired loved ones (Belphie usually). He catches himself and realizes he should ask first in this case. Just to make sure. He’s considerate like that.

You are very tired… and you want contact. So of course you accept the offer. How could you refuse when he offers so earnestly?

He walks in measured, consistent steps as he carries you. The sway of his movement is deliberately relaxing. He’s trying to lull you into a meditative haze, or maybe put you to sleep. Either is good, he thinks.

The warmth of him makes the… everything about being outside when you’re feeling this way a lot more tolerable. The sounds of his footsteps, his breaths, his heartbeat… all of that drowns out the background noise just enough. Your face is pressed into his jacket, so the streetlights don’t stab your eyes and all the distressingly inconsistent outside smells are entirely covered by the spices-aromatics-soap scent of Beel. It’s a smell you know very well, and the familiarity of it is grounding.

Everything about him is grounding, really. He really did know exactly what to do.

At the end of the day… it’s okay if you don’t smile. He would like you to, of course, but he will meet you where you’re at. Anyway, it’s more important to him that you feel like it’s safe to show however it is you actually feel around him. He understands the amount of trust that takes, and he’s honoured by it. Nothing is more important to him than that trust.

So, you don’t have to smile. It’s okay.

Don’t be strong, he tells you. There’s no need, for now. Just let him. Rest, lean on his strength—he’s got more than enough for both of you. He’s got you. He’s not going anywhere.

_______

Belphie:

Oh, you’re tired? A bit sad, a bit grouchy? Damn. Looks like even HE has more energy than you today. That’s not something he sees often! Well, that’s fine. He knows what to do.

It’s straight to baby jail with you!

In his arms, that is. In bed, surrounded by his best pillows, covered by the least warm heavy blanket he has, so you won’t overheat but will still feel nice and covered.

He positions you so you’re facing each other, with your head tucked under his chin. So you have room to comfortably breathe and talk, but your face is still as covered as possible so you won’t be bothered by any lights.

Emotional intelligence may not be Belphie’s strong suit, but he is observant and he understands exhaustion. This may not exactly be the usual kind of exhaustion, but still! There’s no demon better equipped to understand what’s going on with you right now, just by nature.

He’s totally fine with cuddling you in silence if you don’t feel like talking. That really works for him, actually, because it allows him to nap.

Not that he doesn’t WANT to listen to you. He does. He’d be happy to. But he gets it if you don’t wanna bother with that. It’s okay.

He will, however, delay taking a nap until you doze off first. He just wants to make sure you’re okay. He’s not about to just fall asleep and abandon you if you still need attention.

If you’re not falling asleep very fast, he will help. Not with magic, surprisingly. He’s being more… gentle, he supposes, than that in this situation.

He talks quietly about nothing important. The soft drone of his voice, kept consistent and deliberately soporific, melts into your brain like butter, slowing it way down. Blocking everything else out. Gradually turning it off. One hand rubs your back slowly, almost as if to match the rhythm of his voice.

It’s so relaxing. You feel like you could stay like this forever and never want to move, you’re that comfortable.

Belphie knows what he’s doing.

It works really well! He makes sure you feel loved and cared for, then makes sure you get some extra rest. Mental and physical recharging.

Of course, you wake up feeling a lot better. Maybe not entirely back to your normal self yet, but definitely better. How could you not?

You’re a lot less tired after you’ve slept, and less sad too… so he’s succeeded—but you’re still not smiling!

He can fix that, right?

He lets you get up and stretch first, of course. He does the same. Before you leave the room though, he wraps you up in another hug.

He pulls back to examine your face after a minute or two.

Hmm… you look comfy, but still no smile! He can’t have that! So he hugs you tightly again, but this time his fingers start to lightly poke and brush over your sides. He’s trying to force you to smile by tickling you. He’s not gonna do too much, he’s not trying to overwhelm you. He stops as soon as you crack a smile.

There we go, he says as he gives you one last gentle squeeze. That was all he wanted, he tells you.

He doesn’t let go of you for long, over the rest of the day. Always holding your hand, giving you random hugs, draping himself over your shoulders—but without making you take all his weight for once, because he knows you’re still kinda tired. Enough of it to be soothing, but no more. Just so you don’t get lonely. He doesn’t want you to get all sad again.

If you do get sad again though, it’s okay. He will squish the sadness out of you all over again, as many times as you need. He doesn’t mind.

_______

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fjordline · 9 months

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#my art #galvatron #cyclonus #every time someone says something like this i get a little bit meaner to t*ilgate #i really dont Want to be a hater but some of you... make it difficult #especially that stupid ass vague post i saw a while ago lmfaoo it gave me a laugh at least but dear lord.#sitting my autistic ass down and listening to the ableism allegations levied against me #its a hatecrime to mischaracterize tg now #i Know tgs personality. i think his personality is immensely annoying #simple as #and i dont care enough abt him to portray it accurately in what is a 5 panel joke comic #like bro im a galvatrongirl u really think i care about failgate??#and anon i hope for your sake and everyone elses that this was said ironically/with the purpose of making mtmtepeople look worse cus if not #transformers

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toofarovertherainbow · 6 months

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my analysis so far this season

#undecided on whether devon levi deserves to be in here somewhere #also im convinced luke hughes is the most autistic of the three #my little kitty <3 #anyway. discuss #luke hughes #jack hughes #sidney crosby #quinn hughes #connor bedard #trevor zegras #matthew tkachuk #travis konecny #i aint tagging everyone yall will find it #nhl

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abyssal-wonders · 9 months

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levi doodles <3

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #<- mostly for the levi and henry scene ^_^#obey me leviathan #obey me levi #henry 1.0 #my art #traditional art #styx scribbles #he just like me fr and by that i mean autistic #don't look at henry 1.0 too closely aoiabsojasljs #AGH I LOVE HIM SM I WANNA HUG HIM AND GIVE HIM LIL KISSIES TO HIS FOREHEAD #i have no idea what lotan looks like lol

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starrylevi · 11 months

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Levi x Autistic SO

- Levi knows all of your stims.

- “Oi! Keep it down.” He’ll tell the others when he can tell the volume of people’s chatter is getting to you.

- Anytime there are large group meetings or crowds, he’ll watch you closely, making sure you don’t get overwhelmed. He won’t make you feel bad if you need to leave. He’ll even encourage you to leave before you get too overstimulated.

- He’ll listen to you info dump and will even ask questions about your special interests.

- When he sees anything related to one of your special interests, he’ll get it for you. “I figured you might like this…”

- He’ll let you know as soon as he knows when there’s a change in the schedule.

- He doesn’t get annoyed when you bump into him while walking. If anything he’ll stay close to you so it’s easier for you to walk straight.

- He also never minds explaining things a second time or making something simpler for you to understand. Whenever you apologize for needing a re-explanation he waves you off and will tell you he was the one who wasn’t being clear enough and he’ll start again.

- When someone makes a joke and you look confused, he’ll lean over and quickly explain it to you. If he’s also confused, he’ll roll his eyes, leaning over to you, saying “I don’t get it either…”

- You tell Levi you’re tired even though you got a sufficient amount of hours of sleep. “Take a break and go do something you like.” He’ll tell you simply. “Don’t worry about anything else.”

- Levi is so so patient. When you’re overwhelmed and trying not to shut down he’ll wait until you’re ready to speak.

- All in all, Levi would be incredibly understanding and would not second guess accommodating you.

#still grappling with my diagnosis #still feels like I’m taking up space where I shouldn’t be #but whatevs #this makes me feel better #I hope you can see yourself in this too #if you’re autistic that is #but yeah #don’t mind me #levi #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi x you #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi headcanons #levi x y/n #levi x autistic reader #levi x autistic SO

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yourdailyqueer · 11 months

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Illymation (Ilyssa Levy)

Gender: Non binary - Demigirl (she/they)

Sexuality: Bisexual or pansexual

DOB: 15 September 1997

Ethnicity: White - American

Occupation: Animator, Youtuber, singer, songwriter

Note: Is Autistic

#Illymation #Ilyssa Levy #lgbt #lgbtq #nonbinary #non binary #demigirl #bisexual #pansexual #1997 #white #animator #youtuber #singer #songwriter #autistic #neurodivergent #popular #popular post

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punkeropercyjackson · 1 month

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Dipping back into Fairy Tail for a second to say Laxus has fully transitioned transmasc swag,Lucy and Erza are autistic trans women for reasons that i don't need to say if you're close to any autistic tgirls,Gajevy is autistic4autistic,Natsu is aroace but loves queerplatonic dating,Mirajane,Juvia and Wendy are lesbians and Gray should've been black and darkskin.Ty

#fairy tail #laxus dreyar #lucy heartfilia #erza scarlet #gajevy #trans gajevy #gajeel redfox #levy mcgarden #natsu dragneel #mirajane strauss #juvia lockser #wendy marvel #gray fullbuster #black gray fullbuster #💌#trans #autistic girl summer #good times #summerposting

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airbendertendou · 3 months

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various faves nd ways they stim w you! ♥︎ [ including : levi from obey me, izana, kyotani, todoroki from hnl, nishinoya, sanzu, mammon from obey me and connor ]

stimming is normal. everyone stims. this is written w an autistic or neurodivergent person in mind HOWEVER anyone can read it. everyone stims. stimming is normal. everyone stims. stimming is normal. one more time!! do not use this as a way to diagnose yourself please. thank you.

if you have a blank blog [no bio, no user, no header or profile pic, nothing reblogged, etc] do not interact with my content. you will be blocked.

i can see LEVI learning your fave kpop / jpop song to dance n sing w you. his cheeks are pink as he does the more hip-heavy movements, but he prefers the sound of girl group songs. its the most exercise he gets and it heightens his stamina, but he breathes really heavily w ease [if youre insecure abt your lack of stamina!!]. wait also matches the color scheme of the mv / dance practice you dance to ):

with IZANA, he sits criss-cross across from you on your bed. pretty eyes are narrowed a bit, but his mouth curls into his half-smile as you wiggle your fingers at him. he grabs your hand and begins pulling you back n forth so you’re rocking but he’s sitting still. it makes you laugh hysterically and he grins so so widely at the sound <3

now KYOTANI does puzzles or word searches with you!! his eyebrows furrow and his tongue pokes out in concentration. stays out of your way and lets you take the lead. if you do your puzzles in a specific way [i go by color <3] he will go to the opposite side of the table so hes still helping but isnt in your space. rubs his feet against yours when they brush

TODOROKI is your personal safe space! a little shelter of your own!! reads to himself when you skitter just into his sight, jus standing there. he doesnt even speak before he raises his arms, eyes still on his book. you dive in, swooping under whatever shirt or sweater he wears, your ear on the center of his chest so you can hear his heart. pats where he assumes your head is, and sometimes reads to you if youre disgruntled

annoys the team when NISHINOYA hears your vocal stims nd he immediately echoes them back to you. immediate responses of movie quotes, song lyrics, or whatever noise your brain is stuck on. [its funny but sometimes you get embrrassed abt the noises your brain decides to loop] but noya really tries his best to make sure youre not shy abt your stims nd lets you know youre happily welcomed!!

imagining SANZU stopping you from picking your skin [lips, cuticles, scabs, acne] by intwining your hands w his. [he also paints your nails matching colors bc nail polish has a gross taste <3] he always always ends up starting a squeezing competition w you, crushing your fingers together softly but never enough to actually hurt you. ends up giving your nose a lil kiss after ):

MAMMON gives you a full body shake lmao like grabbing your arms n shaking you until you giggle. nd he wont stop until youre laughing either!! stressed, sad, angry - he will wiggle you until youre laughing. nd he welcomes you to do the same! any time he looks /: hes silently begging you to shake him about until hes smiling again

thinking of CONNOR nd his led light swirling yellow as he blinks furiously, information flooding into his head. you always copy his blinks unconsciously, scrunching your nose as he finishes. nd he copies the scrunch you do before gently squeezing your nose between two knuckles

——♥︎——

this was v self indulgent but (: hope someone else's mood raises bc of it!!

airbendertendou © do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate my content on any platform. if you see my content under any other name than my own, let me know. i only have this tumblr and an ao3 account under the same name.

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onyourowndaisymae · 11 months

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this might be a bit divisive considering people get weird about autistic levi headcanons but i want to throw an even MORE controversial headcanon in the ring and say that i think satan might be a little 'tistic too. unlike levi, who got the anime autism, satan got the savant, tv representation autism

#note: i am autistic #ngl i'm kinda scared to post this one #but i stand by it #unintentional or not i eat up autistic representation #don't even get me started on il from cafe enchante #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #otome #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan

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defectivevillain · 11 months

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no longer alone

pairing: Leviathan/Reader (can be romantic or platonic, whatever you prefer)

Levi and reader are both autistic <333 and reader’s pronouns are unspecified but masc-intended.

want to preface this by saying that the reader’s experience is essentially written to be mine. I’m not trying to make any generalizations about autism, here—and I state that in the text, too. so, keep that in mind! us autistic people are all different (and also fucking awesome) so the reader may not be exactly the same as you expect. thanks :)

Levi has known his brothers for his entire life, yet he can’t help but feel as if they don’t really understand him. They treat him as an anomaly, an enigma. Levi knows that they just think him to be an antisocial shut-in, but he feels like they don’t make any further effort to understand him. He’s given up on arguing against their claims of him being a loner—it’s not worth the effort and he’s not sure he even has the words to describe himself accurately.

You, on the other hand, are an enigma too. You popped up out of nowhere as an exchange student to RAD. Levi had fully intended to ignore you, but you weren’t content to do the same to him. Admittedly, Levi has developed a sort of prickly exterior to ward people off. That way, they won’t be startled or frightened by his, well, weirdness, as his brothers call it. So, when you knock on his door the very next morning after your arrival to the Devildom, Levi is apprehensive. Against his further judgement, he lets you into his bedroom. You introduce yourself and ask him a bit about himself. Levi can’t stop himself from talking about TSL or Ruri-chan and, secretly, he’s nervously awaiting some sort of disgusted or weirded-out expression from you. Somehow, there’s no such thing. You actually seem to be listening to each word he says. Levi knows that no one cares about his TSL rants or what games he’s playing, but when he sees that intent and interested look on your face, he can’t help but question that notion.

After your first meeting, Levi starts to warm up to you. You’re a refreshing new presence in the House of Lamentation. The last thing Levi needed was another person to judge him for his homebody tendencies, and he's pleasantly surprised that you’ve never breathed a word about him being a loner, loser, otaku, creep...

The more he gets to know you, the more he realizes that you just get him, in a way no one else ever has. Leviathan looks at you and he knows that you understand him, because, well, he sees some of himself in you. He begins to notice things about you—things that he certainly relates to. Levi notices how your gaze always flits about during a conversation, never quite settling and making eye contact with other people. He notices how you’re startled by loud noises, how sometimes you seem frustrated with everyone around you.

One day, he can’t keep his curiosity at bay. Leviathan idly mentions that you understand him rather well, and you hum in response. “Well, I’m autistic, so that’s probably it,” you murmur quietly. Levi has to strain to hear you and when he processes your statement, he finds himself confused.

“What’s that?” Levi asks without hesitation. Typically, he’s a bit more hesitant to ask questions, but he trusts you not to give him a weird look for his curiosity. Indeed, you just look at him with a friendly expression.

“Autism?” You ask. Your eyebrows furrow for a moment. “Oh, I forgot the Devildom isn’t very developed on that kind of stuff. Okay, do you really want me to explain it? It may take a little while.”

Levi nods. Of course he wants to hear your explanation—he wouldn’t have asked otherwise. Levi isn't one to sugarcoat things or lie to protect people’s feelings; he almost always says what’s on his mind.

“Alright,” you nod. “Well, autism—or, Autism Spectrum Disorder—is a disability that encompasses a lot of different things. It’s kind of hard to pinpoint what exactly it is, because autistic people are vastly different from one another. But, there is some sort of framework that people use to identify it.”

“Okay, so,” you take a deep breath. “I guess I’ll start out by describing myself. So... As a child, I was sort of... withdrawn, I guess? I had a lot of trouble with attending school. I was perfectly behaved at school, but the moment I got home, I’d just have a meltdown; I’d be super exhausted and I could never figure out why. Eventually, I realized that I was putting a ton of effort into masking—pretending, basically. I was working really hard to adhere to all the social expectations that I was faced with. Those behaviors didn’t come naturally to me. I had to use up energy to make small talk with people, meet other people’s eyes, remain in my seat without moving, filter out all the background noise and focus on my assignments... You get the idea. You with me so far?”

“Yes,” Leviathan nods. Your story sounds painfully familiar. Levi thinks of his own struggles with school—how he takes nearly all of his classes online to avoid having to attend in-person.

“I didn’t have many friends in high school,” you continue, biting your lip. “Or, I guess I should say... I had friends, but I never hung out with them outside school. I just never saw a need for it.”

“When I went to university, I got super overwhelmed. In case you’re unfamiliar with human university, um... It’s like a sleep-away camp, sort of. Most people live on campus in dorm buildings. University can be exhausting, and there are a lot of students that like to distract themselves with parties and other social events.

“I’m not that social; I don’t need any social interaction to be fulfilled, if that make sense? So, naturally, I felt really out of place at university, where everyone else was constantly partying and spending time in company with other people.

“It took me a long time to realize just why school was so exhausting for me. Once I did, I began to put the pieces together. I really struggle with vagueness and ambiguity, which often results in me needing really explicit directions in order to accomplish something. I’m a very black-and-white thinker, so when things fall in that rather large grey area, I don’t know what to do with them. I have a lot of restrictive interests and it’s hard for me to hold conversations without mentioning them in at least some manner. I’m a pretty sarcastic person, but it’s hard for me to comprehend sarcasm coming from someone else—especially when their tone of voice stays the same. A lot of times, people misinterpret my mood or feelings because my facial expressions aren’t that strong and my voice always sounds the same...”

Levi’s eyes are gradually widening as he listens to you. Everything you’re saying resonates with him deeply—in a manner nothing else quite has before. He swallows hard and continues to listen to you.

“As a kid, I was afraid of dogs because they barked so loudly... I couldn't even go into public bathrooms, because the toilets were so loud... Bright lighting sometimes gives me really bad headaches... A lot of things like that can be part of the autistic experience. Autistic people often have sensory issues, which can prove to be overwhelming.”

“That’s just a few things,” you say with a sigh, entirely unaware of the mental breakdown Leviathan is currently undergoing. “I would go on, but we’d be here for quite a while. Anyway, that’s kind of the overall theme of being autistic: exerting energy just to do simple social tasks that other people can do automatically; having a rigid manner of thinking; sometimes, struggling to communicate or even not wanting to communicate with people at all; constantly feeling like an outsider because you don’t have the same needs as everyone else. We can go into more detail another time, but... that’s the moral of the story.”

“Wow,” Levi chokes out, at an entire loss for words. You’re staring at him for a brief moment before your gaze flits off to somewhere else in the room. Levi realizes that you’re doing the same thing he does in conversations.

“The thing with masking—pretending or putting effort forth to perform social behaviors like eye contact—is that it’s often deeply ingrained into an autistic person’s psyche,” you explain, fiddling with your hands. “I find that I’m often subconsciously forcing myself to perform and pretend for other people’s benefit, which takes a long time to unlearn. But, I’ve noticed that... with you, I don’t feel that same pressure. I feel like I can be myself with you. I think you understand where I’m coming from.” You break off, fidgeting slightly. You’re cracking your knuckles repetitively and tilting your head to the side. Levi feels honored that you feel comfortable enough in front of him to stop masking—as you called it. Now that he thinks about it, he feels as if he’s been doing the same thing whenever he’s in your presence. When Levi’s with you, he can talk about TSL all he wants. He doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence with small talk. The Avatar of Envy doesn’t need to ever verbalize what he’s feeling when he’s around you, because you seem to understand already.

Your story deeply resonates with him, and it’s easy to realize why. “I think I’m autistic, too,” Leviathan blurts out. His eyes widen and he stares at you for assistance. You don’t look the least bit surprised by the revelation; instead, you’re smiling supportively at him. Levi immediately feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He never had the words to describe himself, to explain why he acts the way he does. His behavior had never seemed quite normal to his brothers, and, while Levi recognizes that “normal” is a fluke, he always wanted to fit in with his brothers in the way they all seemed to fit in at school. He always felt like an outsider in their family, as his brothers performed social feats with ease—feats that took nearly all of Levi’s energy to perform and execute. “I’m autistic!” He exclaims, before wincing at how loud his voice is. Thankfully, you don't wince or flinch in the way everyone else does.

“I thought there was something wrong with me,” Leviathan chokes out, tears slipping down his cheeks. He finally gains the courage to look over at you again only to find that you have a heartbroken expression on your face.

“Oh, Levi,” you say with a saddened look on your face. You move to sit a bit closer to him. Levi realizes that you’ve been consistently giving him plenty of personal space and he can’t help but feel extremely grateful for that. “There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing.”

“And, even if there were something wrong with you...” You break off, squinting for a moment as if puzzling out the words. Levi waits patiently. “...Then we could be wrong... together.” Levi’s heart squeezes in his chest. He feels winded all of a sudden. He doesn’t think you understand how much that means to him. For the longest time, he’s been alone in his struggle.

“Thanks, Henry,” Levi murmurs. The name just slips out and he glances up at you with horror. He hadn’t meant to say that. No, no! He had been doing so well, but now he’s gone and ruined it-

“Now you’re going to make me cry,” you choke out with watery eyes, a bright smile on your face. You clearly understand the depth of his remark—what calling you Henry means to him. Amazingly, your eyes are gleaming and you look like an angel. Levi has never felt such a deep appreciation for another person before. You lean forward ever so slightly, your eyes falling to something behind him. “Can I hug you?”

Levi nods and extends his arms. You lean forward and put your head on his shoulder. Levi wraps his arms around your waist, a warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest. He’s never felt so seen before. For the first time, he feels that someone sees him and understands him for who he is. Levi has never felt like that before. He lets his hands clutch at the sweatshirt you’re wearing, clenching and unclenching his fists in the soft fabric.

“Thanks for telling me,” Levi whispers into your shoulder. He recognizes that this must be a vulnerable topic for humans, if your initial moment of hesitation was anything to go by.

“Thanks for listening,” you respond. As you embrace each other, Levi feels another tear slip down his cheek. This time, his tears aren’t born out of sadness, but instead from joy, happiness, and relief. He holds you close, a brilliant smile on his face.

thanks for reading! writing this was self-care, y’all. and i love levi so fucking much. okiii bye!

#obey me #obey me x gn reader #gn reader #obey me x male reader #male reader #masc reader #autistic reader #actually autistic #Levi x reader #leviathan x reader #leviathan x male reader #leviathan x gn reader #leviathan x autistic reader #autistic leviathan

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nyanashima · 1 year

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The Brothers with an MC who has OCD

INCREDIBLY self-indulgent as I haven't seen many OCD MC posts, and I needed some blorbo comfort.

Since OCD is often misrepresented in media, feel free to write in with other obsessions/etc if you feel so inclined. I'll try my best to write about them in another post :)

Content warnings: contamination triggers, symmetry/perfection obsessions, self-destructive compulsions. Stay safe y'all <3

Please let me know if I missed any triggers in the tags!

Lucifer

He already knows.

Lucifer read up on you before you came. He knows what you struggle with and how it affects you, at least to some degree. He has to do Diavolo proud, and that includes staying on top of the exchange student’s wellbeing.

It's through living with you that really helps Lucifer get a better understanding of your triggers. After all, you can only get so much from reading the DSM-5

He sees you erase and rewrite your notes in class, over and over, until you’re completely behind on the lecture. He hovers silently in the doorway to the kitchen, watching you arrange the dishes symmetrically in the cupboard

He notices your hands, dry and cracked and sometimes bleeding from washing and sanitizing. He sees your midnight laundry runs after Mammon makes himself at home in your room, and how the bleach wipes disappear much faster than they did before. Lucifer watches your breathing quicken for all the wrong reasons when Asmo hangs off your arm.

He feels bad. It’s not like he can comfort you, with him being emotionally constipated and all. So he does the next best thing: problem solve.

Lucifer calls you to his study one night. You poke your head in, anticipating some sort of punishment— instead, he invites you to sit down for an honest conversation.

He doesn’t pry. As a private person, he understands keeping your emotions guarded. He does, however, make it clear he sees the toll they're taking on you.

He offers treatment— if you’re unmedicated, would you like to see someone for the anxiety? Would you benefit from therapy? He’d be happy to accompany you to the human world for your appointments, if that’s what you need.

Of course, lecturing his brothers about their behaviour is always on the table.

If none of those sound right, he finds himself staring at his gloves. He offers to update your wardrobe to something that better suits your needs— your jacket buttoning in the middle rather than off to one side, gloves to avoid direct touch, you name it. It’s yours.

“I want to help you, MC. Not out of pity, I simply don’t want to see a loved one in pain. Tell me what you need, and you’ll get it— you have my word.”

Mammon

Hoo boy.

Yeah, you’re gonna have to tell him, or ask Lucifer to tell him for you.

He’s a tactile guy. He’s always dragging you by the arm, yanking your jacket, ruffling your hair, and Devil knows what else.

Once you tell him, you’re probably gonna have to explain it a bit. It’s been a while since he’s paid attention to human emotions lol.

After that, he’s fantastic– well, he tries. Old habits die hard.

He recoils like he just touched a hot stove the second his fingers brush your skin. He always follows it up with a “Shit– sorry.”

If you’re particular about how you keep your room, again, he tries not to touch anything impulse control strikes again.

He will get it eventually, but for the first little while it’s probably best to hang out in his room.

If you don’t want the others to know, he’ll be even more protective than before when they get touchy. It’s hard to bite his tongue, but he’ll play it off like his usual possessiveness. He’s surprisingly good at keeping it a secret.

If you’re fine with them knowing, he will NOT hesitate to give them an earful. You’re his human, and nobody touches you unless you say it’s okay!

Doesn’t really understand the symmetry or perfection stuff, but hey, everyone’s different. He’ll wait for you if you have to bump your other shoulder against the doorframe until it’s even.

Overall very supportive. A little confused, but he’s got the spirit.

“…Huh. Well, as yer first, it’s still my job to take care of ya. That means this, too– so don’t think The Great Mammon’s gonna let it bother ya again, y’hear?”

Leviathan

Picks up on it a little, but doesn’t quite connect the dots

Not super familiar with human mental illnesses… He’d notice some of your unusual behaviours, but assume they’re just quirks.

Somehow fails to realize some of his quirks are because he’s neurodivergent too (it’s okay buddy we’ve all been there)

TOTALLY understands when you tell him. Well, kind of. At first he thinks you just don’t want him touching you, but after you explain it he’ll rant with you for hours. It’s not the same as the existential dread that comes from lending someone a pencil, but he gets being particular and nervous about your stuff.

He’ll get a special blanket for you to sit on while gaming in his room, only for your ass and therefore your germs. Will get you your own controller for the same reason (and maybe a matching one for himself teehee). No one else is allowed to touch your stuff, not even him— he’ll pick them up with gloves or a Kleenex if he needs to move them, even when you’re not around.

I don’t really have much more to say about him? Just tell him what you need him to do and he’ll do it without hesitation. Super respectful and understanding.

“Y’know… You don’t have to feel bad about it, okay? You’ll always be my Henry, so as long as we can still play games and stuff, I’m happy. And even if we can’t! I’ll do what I can to make you more comfortable, so you can always hide out in here if outside becomes too much… AARAARRUGHGHHUG DSJVNALVBSLKJN WHAT AM I SAYING that was so cringe forget I said anything ok bye”

Satan

Surprisingly, he doesn’t diagnose you the second you fall through the portal.

Instead, he watches you go about your day, and notices something’s off. Then he researches.

And then he does tests.

Not exactly the most empathetic guy, considering the fact that he, y’know, tortured people. So at first he’s not opposed to giving you a spit wash. He wants to see how you’ll react, and how much you can take.

Once you get closer, he catches on and starts acting according to what he thinks you need.

He’ll set cutlery aside for you when he does the dishes, he’ll leave your laundry alone when you forget it in the dryer (but nag you to come get it so he can swap out his clothes), et cetera.

If you open up to him about it, his curious nature takes hold. Hope you’re ready for an interrogation interview, because he’s got LOTS of questions.

Lets you vent to him and will bitch in return. He’s neurodivergent as fuck so likelihood is he gets irked by the same stuff

“MC, I’ve lived with my brothers for millennia. If you think some odd habits are going to bother me, you’re sorely mistaken. All that matters is that you’re happy. If you ever need anything, please come to me first. I’ll do everything in my power to help.”

Asmodeus

Doesn’t really get it, but he’ll go along and be respectful.

He’ll have a hard time not getting touchy at first, but like Mammon, he jerks away and apologizes once he catches himself.

Kicks himself every time because consent is suuuuper important to him (same with the other bros but. Y’know). Learns to keep his hands to himself pretty quick

Gives you tons of lotions, salves, and moisturizers to keep your hands in good shape if they get dry from washing

Will modify your spa days to make them more comfortable for you

Interrogates you about your clothing needs.

What textures work best for you?

Are there any patterns or cuts you can’t wear, or any you prefer?

Tell him everything. He’ll keep it in mind when dressing you up

Will not hesitate to tear someone to shreds if they say anything rude to you. He can pinpoint someone’s biggest insecurities in two seconds flat, and he will.

He might not understand, but that doesn’t stop him from loving and protecting you fiercely and unconditionally.

“Oh, hon, why didn’t you say so before! I’ll try to keep my hands to myself from now on. It’ll be hard, though, considering just how cute you are~!”

Beelzebub

This boy…

He loves his family. We know this.

Beel’s devoted quite a bit of time to learning about how his brothers’ brains work. He’s probably one of the most prepared and mindful of the bunch.

When you tell him, he accepts it without question.

He’ll prod for more information, if you’re willing to share, but gets it if you don’t wanna talk about it. If you do, he’ll listen for hours.

Loves to learn about you, period. OCD can be such a complex and significant piece of someone’s feelings and behaviour, so while he doesn’t like the parts that upset you, he’ll take in any information you give. He remembers every single word and puts it all to use. Just wants you to feel more at ease

Examples of things I think he’d do:

Put the dishes away symmetrically when it’s his turn to wash them, and push them into place if he notices they’ve shifted

Put takeout onto a clean plate for you so you don’t have to touch the container

If he sees any of your things laying about the house, he’ll use the dog poop maneuver to pick it up with a plastic bag and stick it in your room so no one else touches it

He’s just. Really thoughtful. And he loves you so much

“Alright, I think I get it. That must be hard. I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”

Belphegor

Doesn’t really notice lol. Unless you’re recoiling every time he goes to touch you, he’s clueless

Familiar with human mental illness, but may need a refresher. It’s been a while since he’s seen a human, or, y’know, been allowed outside

Will IMMEDIATELY stop touching you as soon as you set your boundaries. Belphie is very good at breaking habits and doesn’t really rely on one specific way of showing affection, so it is what it is

He’s bummed if you can’t nap with him, of course. It doesn’t take him long to find a workaround, though— he gives you two stuffed animals. You cuddle one until it smells like you, then give it to him and take the other one. He snuggles the first until it loses its “MC smell,” washes it, and gives it back to you. You give him the second one, and the cycle continues

Can’t really empathize, but he can offer a shoulder to cry on and a “that sucks” when you need it. Great listener until he falls asleep lmao

Belphie isn’t considerate in the way Beel is, but he’s still considerate. The difference is energy, really— he can’t really put in much effort, but he does remember what your triggers are and to be respectful. So while he won’t reorganize any shelves for you, he’ll remind his brothers of little things to make your life easier.

“Damn that’s crazy. Anyway”

“Oh, okay. That kind of makes sense. Is there… anything you want me to do?”

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the-insider · 6 months

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I speedran the Corpse Bride AU because who needs sleep anyways am I right.

The Outsider (going by Leviathan) is ofc Emily, Corvo and Jessamine are Victor and Victoria. I'm unoriginal and lazy so Daud would be Barkis.

Would love to hear your thoughts on that!

May or may not be looking for someone to RolePlay the idea idk

[Referenced screenshots from the movie under the cut]

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foolych · 2 months

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I am cringe but I am free, I am cringe but I am free, I am cringe but I am free-

Before you shun me from society please allow me to explain!

I thought it would be absolutely hilarious if out of all of the brothers, Levi somehow ended up as a father and he’s just— so bad at it. He has no idea what he’s doing but hey, at least he’s trying. Then I somehow came up with this intense lore in my brain about how demon reproduction works (don’t ask) and then… I committed the greatest crime of all.

I made Levi a fanchild oc. I apologise for my actions.

Anyway, his name is Wormwood, aka Worm. I have… way too much lore about this whole idea, but I will keep it to myself unless someone out there is just dying to hear about the BABY LORE.

Here are some sketches I did. Yes, Worm is an absolute CREATURE right now, that ties in to the lore I made up.

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bebzbrainw0rmz · 20 days

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what do you think Levi’s favorite deep sea creature would be.. I’m biased for tripod fish larva

I feel like I’m the wrong person to ask this bc I’m a paleontology/archaeology autistic. But I don’t think you can go wrong with giant isopods

Levi would own like 5 of these

Otherwise yeah I think that fish is fucking cool

#ask #Levi is so autistic to me

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smoft-demons · 3 months

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Envy

_______

Auva is curled up in a nest of soft things on the floor of Levi’s room. Pillows, blankets, plushies, possibly a beanbag chair or two—all piled high on the floor in front of a big screen.

Levi is there too, of course. Sitting just slightly out of arm’s reach, reclining in the blanket nest with his Ruri-chan body pillow. Relaxed as she’s ever seen him. He’s hugging the pillow like it’s his best friend as he and Auva marathon TSL for quite possibly the 15th time.

At this point, Auva knows these movies so well she could speak every line along with the characters. So, as much as she enjoys the story, it’s not exactly keeping her focused.

‘I’M his best friend!’ Auva can’t stop herself from thinking, as Levi watches peacefully. She mentally side-eyes that passing thought as soon as she notices it.

Envy is not a familiar feeling for Auva. Sure, she’s felt short flashes of mild jealousy before—small moments of it that are easily acknowledged, dealt with, and released. Quick and simple.

That’s… not what this is. She tries to push it down, for further examination later. She pointedly thinks of how peaceful this is, what a good time she’s having watching movies she likes, how nice it is to see Levi being so relaxed and open…

She holds out for about a movie and a half. But then, a scene where the Lord of Shadows gives Henry a hug has the twisting unpleasantness she feels in her gut suddenly roaring back to life. It burrows into the front of her mind. The unfamiliar feeling intensifies from the low, very ignorable twisting it was before, like pouring gasoline on a fire. It burns, insistent and cloying under her tongue.

Auva zones out in that moment, confused and distressed. Trying to identify whatever the fuck this is.

Simultaneously, Levi snaps out of relaxed TSL fixation mode. He feels the explosion of envy in his friend. It’s doubly palpable to him, not just because he’s attuned to feelings of envy as the avatar of it—especially in Auva through his pact with her—but more because he has NEVER before felt so much of it from her before!

“Uh—!? Whoaaaa… Auva??! Are you—do you wanna talk about it??” Levi sputters.

Auva freezes, looking away. She’s figured out what caused the bad feeling, but not what the bad feeling is quite yet. In order to find the cause, she has tracked the start of the feeling to when Levi joined her in their blanket nest, but chose to sit too far away from her to touch, to cuddle with a pillow instead of his best friend.

She’s embarrassed to realize this. Fruitlessly, she tries to hide it. She doesn’t want to lie to him, but… she can’t say it! “No, no! It’s nothing, don’t worry, I’m good! Everything’s fine!”

Levi shoots her a flat look. “Stupid normie, I can FEEL it! Did you forget what I am? There’s no point lying!”

Auva groans, burying her face in her hands. ‘??? He can feel it—OH. Oh. Envy. So that’s what that feels like then. Fuck, okay.’ She thinks, cringing at herself.

“Nooo… Levi, really, it’s nothing! It’s so dumb!”

“But I wanna help! WHY won’t you tell me? That’s SO not fair..!” Levi exclaims, looking stressed, worried, and a bit hurt. “Of course you wouldn’t trust a gross icky otaku like me…”

‘Fuuuuck, of course he’d take it personally!’ Auva mentally groans to herself.

“No! No, you know I don’t think that! You’re not gross, Levi! I… it’s just—umm, well…” she trails off. Can’t say it.

She huffs, frustrated, and flails for a moment before taking her DDD out of her pocket. She goes to text him instead.

> ruri pillow gets hugs and I don’t >:[ Henry gets hugs and I don’t >>:[[[ I want hugs too >:[ >:[ >:[

Levi’s text tone goes off. He reads her message.

He freezes awkwardly. Buffering…

Auva cringes, shoving her DDD away from her. She hides her face in her hands again. “I told you it’s dumb…” she mumbles.

“N-no! No, it’s fine! I just. I, was, uh—! Y-you… you really don’t think I’m too gross?” Levi stutters.

“Obviously not! We’re friends, we’ve BEEN friends, you know I love you—Why do YOU think you’re gross?! Is it because you’re a snake, do you think snakes are gross?! I like snakes!! Is that it? I don’t get it, Levi! You’re NOT gross, I’ll fight you about that if I have to! Is that really why you don’t touch me?” Auva rambles, her hands flapping frantically. “You keep telling me it’s okay if I touch you, you said you’re not uncomfortable with it in general, but then… you’ll sit next to me and hug a pillow but you won’t ever hug me, and I don’t get WHY! I keep telling you you’re not gross! Do you not believe me, or do you just…”

Auva cuts herself off. ‘do you just not love me’, she was going to say. She thought better of it. She knows he does. She knows. It would be unfair to him to scold him for not believing her and then to immediately turn around and not believe him. She knows he’s shy, too. It isn’t a problem if he’s uncomfortable with touch of course, but he keeps telling her that’s not the case, so..???

Levi seems to know where she was going with that. He flails, stuttering his rebuttal just as frantically. They never resemble each other more than when they’re panicking at each other like this. “I..! It’s NOT like that!! It’s not that—that I don’t l-love… you, o-or anything..! I just..! It’s just… I’m gross, I don’t think you’d want ME so close to you!”

“But I do though! I really do! You’re NOT gross! Levi… Levi, you’re not gross. You’re my friend. My friend is not gross. Please believe me?” Auva says, her agitation quickly dying down into just sadness.

Levi’s energy simmers down to match hers. With a sigh, he steels himself. Dismissing his ever-present shyness as best he can. He puts the Ruri pillow down in the pile next to him. He fixes his gaze into a far corner as he sticks out an arm in Auva’s direction, shyly gesturing for his friend to close the distance.

Auva rushes to comply before he can change his mind. It’s about half a second until she has ducked under his arm and moulded herself against him, shifting until she’s comfy and as close as she can get. She ends up draped over the left side of him. Her fingers tangle into the fabric of his shirt, clinging, as if to prevent anyone from removing her. Her cheek smushes against his shoulder. Her glasses get knocked off as she presses her face against him. She doesn’t care.

“Stupid noodle… y’r not fuckin gross…” she grumbles to him, her voice muffled against his shoulder.

“…if you say so, I guess…” he mumbles back. He puts his arm down across her shoulder blades. His hand wraps carefully around her right bicep. His other hand retrieves her glasses, then places them on the floor where they’ll be safer. He turns his attention back to the movie to distract himself from his self-consciousness.

As for Auva, she’s fully ignoring the movie in favour of committing this absolute gift of a moment to memory. Every detail. The rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat, the sounds of his joints shifting with each minute adjustment he makes, the cool temperature of his skin, the unscented soap and ocean scent that sticks to him, the gentle pressure of his arm draped over her, the feel of his thumb absently rubbing over that one small strip of skin on her arm and occasionally fidgeting with the hem of her short sleeve. She blissfully soaks in every detail.

Her heart is warm, and she LOVES her friend. She’s relaxed, boneless. Very comfortable and happy to be held.

As the next movie plays, Levi ends up absentmindedly pulling her into the same position he had the pillow in before. Reclining fully against his chest, more or less in his lap as both his arms wrap securely around her back. She couldn’t see the screen like this if she were trying to. She’s not though, so this is more than fine with her. She’s seen these movies so many times by now that the audio alone is enough to have the visuals projecting in detail from her memory on the back of her eyelids.

Auva stays still and quiet, carefully relaxed, trying not to draw attention to herself. Hoping he’ll stay distracted until the entire series is over, so it’ll take as long as possible for him to get awkward and push her away again. Fuck, she dreads the idea of being pushed away.

Hours later, the story ends. Levi’s distraction is over. Her fingers clench in his shirt again, clinging. She doesn’t want him to let go. Doesn’t want him to make her go…

“Auva..?” Levi softly calls, having noticed her tension returning. “I… it’s okay, you know. You don’t—I’m not kicking you out. If you’re sure you want to be here. I’m not uncomfortable, or anything, is what I’m saying. Is that, um… that’s what you’re scared of, right?” he sighs. Pulls her a bit closer, so he can lean down to comfortably bury his face against her shoulder without dislodging her. “We’re gonna have to talk about this, aren’t we…”

“Mm. Probably… ‘s important. But… tomorrow, though? I’m comfy...” Auva mumbles.

She yawns. He nods, agreeing to have a real conversation about this tomorrow. They cling to each other a bit tighter for comfort, as they both try not to think about how scary that is.

“Hey, Levi?” Auva whispers.

“Hm?” He hums inquisitively.

“I really love my player one. SO much. I hope you know that.”

He inhales sharply, quickly squeezing her as he takes in her familiar words. She has told him so many times before, but it hits him in the heart just the same every time.

“Yeah. I know.” He whispers back. “And I love my player two. So much. You know that,” Shy as always, even though he has said it before too.

Auva nods. She gives him an affectionate squeeze too, before relaxing again. Intending to go to sleep right there.

The upcoming conversation still scares them, but just a bit less now. They’ll have each other, after all. They’ll help each other.

They’ll be fine.

_______

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