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seconds-not-decades · 2 years

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Step {Back} In Time

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Fem! OC

Author's Note: Hello and welcome. This is my season two fic (and sequel to Time and Chase). I will be posting daily. *Please note that I am well aware that Elliot Page portrays Viktor, but due to season one being before his transition, that is why his character is still Vanya. I am not deadnaming him and I sincerely hope I don't come across as such. I will transition when I write season three.*

Warnings: cursing and violence.

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Valhalla

~ * ~

On April the 1st, 2019, the Earth was destroyed in a cataclysmic event.

Billions of people were wiped out in a matter of minutes.

Ironically, the seven survivors of the apocalypse were the very family members who brought it on.

~ * ~

Diego, Five, Karina, and Lila watched Sir Reginald's car disappear into the night.

"You know, I'm starting to get the feeling Dad's avoiding us," Five commented rather bitterly.

Lila sighed as she looked around. "Hate to be the boring one, guys, but, uh, it's time we get the hell out of here."

"When you say "we," who exactly are you referring to?" Five questioned in her wake.

"Not a lot of ambiguity in that sentence," Lila looked at him.

"Listen, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but whatever it is, I'd advise you return posthaste," Five snapped.

"She's right, Five. We gotta get outta here," Diego agreed.

"I just saved your life and your precious wife's life, you kinder-shit!" Lila was in disbelief. "If I hadn't stepped in, all that would be left of you is a blazer and some bloody socks and your wife would have been beaten to a bloody pulp with her pretty head split in two!" she was glaring him down.

"And that's the problem," Five bit out, grasping Karina protectively and supportively. "You're too good. You ask too many questions. You know too much."

"And you fight like you know what you're doing," Karina weakly added, coughing some.

"They've got a point," Diego admitted.

Lila scoffed in disbelief. "So I know how to handle myself, and that makes me the bad guy? Come on. Though she may have gotten bested a bit, Karina was holding her own pretty well."

"Leave Rina out of this," Five seethed. "Whoever you are, you're in our way. If I see you again, I will kill you."

Lila watched them walk past her and then once they were in the clear, Five blinked out with Karina back to Elliot's place to get her healed.

~ * ~

Luther was cooking eggs the next morning and the sun was shining. Five, Diego, and Karina looked as rested as could be.

"No, no, no, I don't understand. They keep following me," Diego was pacing.

"Wait, who?" Luther wanted to know.

"Those Dutch sociopaths."

"They're Swedish, you idiot," Five corrected him in exasperation. "Hired guns paid to eradicate us before we do any more damage to this timeline." He waved his cup of coffee around.

"Yeah, but why now? I mean, I'm-" he snapped his fingers aggressively as he continued, "Fine for three months until you two showed up!"

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me," Luther added nonchalantly.

"Even if it was my fault-which it isn't- we only have six days before the end of the world, and the closest anyone's gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate," Five defended himself.

"Well…" Luther trailed off with a sigh. "That's not exactly true."

Everyone slowly turned to look at him.

"What do you mean?" Five questioned, stalking over to Diego's side.

"I saw him," Luther answered.

Luther recounted his story, starting with after he landed in the alley. He explained that he saw Sir Reginald once and took a bus to his home to see him, but Sir Reginald didn't recognize him and kicked him out. Then he came back to Dallas after that failed mission.

"That's pathetic," Diego commented, sitting across from Luther who was busily eating his eggs.

Luther scoffed, his mouth full. "Yeah, well, at least he didn't shank my ass."

Diego leaned forward. "No, bro, he shanked your heart."

Five and Karina looked at him in confusion and exasperation.

"Mm," Luther shoved another spoonful of eggs into his mouth.

"Is that my bathrobe?" Elliot pointed to him.

"No."

"Look, who cares what he shanked?" Five got everyone back on track. "He knows something about time travel."

Elliot raised his arm. "Um…wait, why don't you just do your thing and, uh, time travel us out?"

"Anyone care to explain?" Five scoffed, getting to his feet.

"First time he tried, he got lost in the apocalypse," Karina began.

"Second time, he ended up without hair on his balls," Diego continued.

"Last time I tried, I scattered my family across three years in Dallas, Texas, possibly triggering a doomsday," Five poured himself another cup of coffee and refilled Karina's cup of tea. "Any more questions, Elliott?"

"Uh, no," Elliot shook his head quickly.

"Sorry, you'll have to excuse him. He's the personification of an angry chihuahua," Karina told him casually, taking the cup of tea from Five.

"You're missing the big picture. Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal that's planning to kill the president," Diego told Luther.

"A cabal?" Luther had his mouth full again.

"Ignore him," Five cut in. "Look, the way I see it, we only have one option."

"Oh, yeah? And what's that?" Luther wanted to know.

"It's time to get the Umbrella Academy back together," Five answered.

"Hell, yeah. Family meeting," Diego grinned.

"Okay then, can one of you get Allison, please?" Luther requested.

Diego glanced at him. "You two still a thing?"

Luther motioned with his head.

Diego leaned forward and whispered, "Do we need to talk?"

"No, she's married," Luther replied.

"Whoa. Dude, that's rough," Diego said.

"I can handle it," Luther sarcastically chuckled.

"Rina and I will get her," Five spoke up. "Can you get Vanya without, uh, squeezing her to death?" he eyed him.

"I'll try."

Five nodded and blinked out with Karina.

~ * ~

Five, Karina, Allison, and Klaus entered the building from below.

"Hello?" Allison called out.

"Le petit mort, le petit mort," Klaus repeated himself.

Allison eyed him. "What? You don't speak French."

"It's "the little death"."

They both chatted indistinctly and Allison laughed as Diego, Luther, and Vanya came out from above.

"Oh, wow. Look at this old stuff," Klaus looked around at the TVs and radios. Everyone looked at one another in astonishment. "Oh, wow. I know this is impossible, but…did we all get sexier?" he asked.

Diego, Luther, and Vanya came down.

"Vanya," Allison went over to her with Karina.

Vanya smiled. "I can't believe I have another sister."

"I missed you."

"Thank God someone did," Vanya chuckled softly and they both chuckled before hugging it out. Allison grinned and pulled Karina into the hug.

Klaus grunted while he hugged Diego.

"Oh, you are drunk," Diego pulled back.

"Yeah. No, just a little. Just a few-oh, that's so sweet," Klaus saw Allison, Vanya, and Karina hugging.

He went over and flung his arms around the trio.

"No. Jesus!" Allison grunted and Vanya giggled.

"Hi," Vanya greeted.

"Hey, Vanny," Klaus returned.

"Klaus," Five spoke up as Karina rejoined his side. He softly smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Is Ben here?"

"Oh, uh…no. No, unfortunately, ghosts can't time travel," Klaus lied airily.

"Are you kidding me?" Ben was sitting behind them.

"All right, then. Let's get down to business," Five went upstairs with Karina.

Klaus looked at Vanya. "So, Vanny, what's new?"

"Hey, Diego," Allison peered over at him, but he was going up the stairs. "Can't say hi to nobody?"

"Hi, Allison," he grumbled.

"What was that?" she prodded from her side of the staircase.

"Hi, Allison!" he yelled.

"Thank you!"

Everyone settled down, looking at Five, who was standing.

"All right. First off, I wanna say I'm sorry," he began. "I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back here with us."

"Oh, my God, again?" Klaus complained, causing everyone to stare at him. "All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the-oh, my God." He gasped dramatically. "My cult is gonna be so pissed. Five! Karina! I told them we had until 2019!"

"We have until Monday," Five sighed.

"We have six days," Karina added solemnly.

"Is it Vanya?" Klaus took a sip of his drink.

"Klaus!" Allison scolded him.

"What? It's usually Vanya."

"Do you have any leads, Five?" Vanya looked at him.

Diego handed him a file.

"Yeah, we have one," Five passed the file to Allison.

"Holy shit, is that Dad?" she asked, shocked.

"Yeah," Five nodded.

Vanya peered over. "That's him?"

"Standing on the grassy knoll," Diego put in.

"Diego and I have been trying to talk to Dad about what exactly this means," Five continued. "So far, we've got nothing."

"Not nothing," Diego disagreed. "He's planning to kill Kennedy."

"Maybe," Five remarked. "But we don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion. Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent."

"But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right," Luther spoke up.

"Yeah, but how, if we don't know what's broken?" Allison pointed out.

Diego scoffed. "Come on. Do the math. We know Dad's having shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do."

"Find Dad," Five said at the same time as Diego said, "Kill Dad."

Everyone shot Diego a look.

"None of us are supposed to be here, right?" Vanya asked. "I mean, what if it's us? Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?"

There was a moment of silence as everyone exchanged a look.

"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald," Luther shot.

"And you're working for Jack Ruby!" Diego shot back.

"Allison has been very involved in local politics," Klaus casually stated.

Allison whipped to glare at him. "Okay, you started a cult."

"Thank you!" Ben agreed.

"I'm…I'm just a…a nanny on a farm," Vanya admitted while Klaus growled and hissed at Allison like a cat.

"I don't have anything to do with all of that," Vanya said.

"Well, maybe you do, we just don't know it yet," Karina gently returned.

Diego whistled sharply. "Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new lives is connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence," he began listing off, "Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government, Dad is on the grassy knoll, Klaus is…doing something weird and pervy but probably related. See, clearly, we were all sent back here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

Here came the overlapping arguments. Five just stared at his family in regret and exasperation. Karina rolled her eyes at the bickering siblings, going over to Five's side. He wordlessly wrapped his arm around her, looking down as he lightly rapped his fingers against her ribcage. She watched the arguments continue as Five thought over the memories of the war he and Karina saw when they first landed here.

"Five? Five, are you there?" Karina's voice echoed and snapped him back to the present.

"This is bigger than all of us!" Diego exclaimed.

"Guys, you all die," Five interrupted the family, his grasp tightening around Karina's waist.

Everyone ceased their fighting and looked at him.

"Rina and I were there. We saw it," he continued solemnly, feeling his voice catch. "And I wanna forget it, but I can't. We saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it…in a war that never happened until we brought it here."

"And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to him," Karina spoke.

"I don't know if the things we've experienced here are all connected," Five sighed. "I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But Dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."

"Okay, I'm out," Luther immediately shot to his feet with a sigh.

"Did you even hear us, Luther?" Five stared at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. I heard a 58-year-old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything," Luther remarked. "Well, you can count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up."

"Luther!" Karina followed Luther out.

"Come back," Diego chased after him.

"Where you going?" Klaus asked.

"Save it, Diego," Luther snipped.

Five blinked out and reappeared in front of Luther. He sighed.

"No one leaves until we figure this out," Five told him.

Luther stared down at him for a second before he grabbed a fistful of Five's shirt and tossed him over the railing. He yelled and blinked out before he fell onto the floor.

"FIVE!" Karina shouted and shoved her way past the two. She whipped around to Luther angrily. "God, you are such an asshole! You try watching your family die twice and see how easy it is to try figuring out to save them and the world with a limited amount of days!"

Before Luther could react, she ran out of the building and rushed into the alleyway where Five was.

"Five, are you okay?" she asked him, checking him over briefly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, love," he reassured her. "Jeez…when did the monkey learn to fight dirty?" he wrinkled his nose.

Suddenly a rock fell down near them and they looked up to see Lila on the roof, racing off and then appeared on the street.

"Son of a bitch," Five breathed out.

The two exchanged a look, glancing back at the building. Then the two raced off to track Lila down.

~ * ~

The two followed Lila to a seemingly old abandoned building.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Karina whispered to Five.

He sighed. "Well, we'll see how this goes first."

He blinked them inside to where Lila was. She turned around to face them.

"What's your game, crazy lady?" Five shot.

"Who cares? You said if you saw me again, you'd kill me," Lila sarcastically shot back. "I see you brought your back-up. How sweet."

"Oh, I remember," Five sarcastically said.

"Well, come on, big talker. Let's get this done."

"All right."

Five blinked to her other side and she punched him, knocking him to the ground with a grunt. Lila swung to kick Karina, but she ducked beneath her and slid past, watching her run off. Karina helped Five up as they ran after her.

Five blinked them out and in front of Lila before flipping around and kicking her across the face. Lila dodged punches and gave punches, alternating between the two. She kicked Five back and shoved Karina into a crate, taking off again.

The two scrambled to their feet and looked around.

Lila chuckled from behind them. "I'm waiting."

Five blinked them to her but, Lila was nowhere to be found.

She laughed when they whipped around to face her. He blinked to her again but she was gone. She was casually standing behind them again.

"Fed up yet, Five? Karina?" she arrogantly shot.

Five grabbed a nearby pole and blinked to where she was, smashing the pole against an electrical box.

Five turned as Lila kicked him down. Karina punched her and blocked her arm, uppercutting her in the stomach. Lila tried to kick Five, but Karina swung from below and knocked her leg out, making her fall on her back. Lila grunted when she landed and Five immediately stepped on her throat, making her cry out. She grabbed his foot, fighting against him.

"You two are better than I thought," she wheezed out.

"And you are entirely average," Five shot back coldly. He clenched his jaw as Lila softly choked. "You can come out now," he called.

The one and only Handler appeared, her heels clacking menacingly on the floor. "Well done. You two figured it out."

"Well, it wasn't very hard," Karina coolly stated.

"She fights like every one of you Commission drones," Five added.

"Hmm," the Handler mused. "No matter, here we are. Together again. And you brought your darling wife, too, how sweet. I've gotta ask…did you miss me, you little shits?"

Lila coughed, laughing as Five and Karina death glared at The Handler.

~ * ~

#the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #allison hargreeves #ben hargreeves #diego hargreeves #luther hargreeves #tua #viktor hargreeves #aidan gallagher #tua season two #tua s2 #tua fandom #tua five #tua fanfic #number five #lila pitts

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 3 years

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Dear Evan Hansen

You may have seen some ~online discourse~ about the film Dear Evan Hansen, an adaptation of the 2016 Broadway musical, and you might have wondered what all the hubbub is about. I mean, it’s a feel good story about a senior in high school, Evan Hansen (Ben Platt), who has some pretty severe anxiety and depression. While trying to fulfill an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself, his letter gets picked up by another student, Connor (Colton Ryan) - and later that day, Connor kills himself. Connor’s grieving parents and sister Zoe (Amy Adams, Danny Pino, and Kaitlyn Dever) are desperate to learn more from the boy they think was Connor’s best friend - after all, Connor’s suicide note was a letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen.” And, as you can imagine, Evan tells them about the unfortunate mistake and sits with them in their grief as they struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives.

Just kidding! He lies to them, repeatedly, elaborately, expansively for months, constructing an entire false friendship with Connor that never happened, and ingratiating himself into the wealthy nuclear family he never had, in large part because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants! THIS IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY. Oh, and it’s a musical so there is a lot of singing and crying and singing WHILE crying and sometimes crying and not singing at all. But the #inspiration, you guys.

Things I liked:

Pretty much everything but the story and Ben Platt’s performance. The supporting cast is stacked, and all of them do a great job at elevating material scraped directly out of a diaper worn by someone who just chewed their way through a copy of the DSM-5.

A couple of the songs are damn catchy - “Waving Through a Window” and “You Will Be Found” are standouts for a reason - and here’s the thing, Platt sings them well. But as you’ll discover, there’s a lot more to a movie musical than just singing your part.

Stephen Chbosky, the man behind every deep thought I and a lot of people in my generation had in 2006 after he wrote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a pretty good director. I particularly enjoyed the fanvid-type cuts in “Waving Through a Window” in conjunction with the lyrics, and his use of interstitial shots to flashbacks (and sometimes flashforwards!) is a neat little bit of shorthand that I thought was used sparingly enough to be effective.

Amy Fucking Adams. She’s holding on so hard, so desperately to the idea of who her son could have been, rather than the reality of who he was, and she is full of such deep pain that is masked by an almost endless supply of patience with Evan and relentless positivity. All this made me want was Enchanted 2 even worse than I already did.

Super into everything Zoe wears - the costuming department did a great job, and now all I want to do is live in mom jeans and baggy sweaters.

Did I Cry? I teared up a couple of times because I’m not a completely heartless bastard and when Amy Adams offered Evan Connor’s college money, my heart broke for the lie Evan had thrust upon her, and Julianne Moore’s song got me good, because she’s just a single mom to Evan who is doing her goddamn best.

Things I hated more than the time I dropped a frozen gallon container of fruit cocktail on my pinkie toe in my parents’ garage and it turned black and I thought it was gonna fall off:

Ben Platt is 28 years old. He originated the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, so in many respects it makes sense that he plays the role in the movie, except for the one kinda sorta important thing where he looks like a wizened old crone standing amongst a sea of children doing his best twitching, cringing Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. If you want someone to convincingly play 20 years their junior, hire Paul Rudd. Otherwise, please don’t ask me to believe that this supposed 18-year-old has crow’s feet.

And that twitching nervous energy is a huge part of the black hole at the center of this film - he’s playing to the cheap seats and walking through the halls of his high school like a wet chihuahua. It’s an excruciating acting choice to watch - he doesn’t just have anxiety, he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown seemingly every second of every day. Like honestly, where is only-mentioned-never-seen Dr. Sherman, because this young man’s meds are NOT WORKING DR. SHERMAN.

There’s such a lack of self-awareness on behalf of the writing, directing, and performance by Platt. There’s one song, “Sincerely, Me,” that offers the only glimpse of commentary about what Evan is doing, by pointing out the malicious ridiculousness of him writing a series of fake emails as proof of his and Connor’s friendship.

Also what high schoolers email this much?? I know this was written in probably 2014 or so, but has a bitch never heard of a text? Even a DM? This whole plot is constructed around the premise that high schoolers are just constantly, constantly emailing each other.

Everything - and I mean EV-ER-Y-THING - about Evan’s relationship with Zoe is so creepy and disturbing that with a soundtrack change, this could easily be a horror movie. He attempts to get her to like him by describing to her all the things her brother noticed about her - oh wait, I’m sorry, all the things HE noticed about her while he was skulking in the shadows following her around for years, watching every move she made, and it ends with him singing repeatedly “I LOVE YOU” because following a girl around and never having a conversation with her or knowing her at all is love, right? This was clearly written by the same people who chose “Every Breath You Take” as their wedding song because Sting is hot and they never actually listened to the damn words.

And it gets about 10 billion times worse when Zoe goes to Evan’s house alone, takes him up to his room, and sings “I don’t need reasons to want you” and that was the moment I was that person I hate in a movie theater and I pulled out my phone to Google who wrote the music and lyrics to the musical (we were in the back row of the theater no one was behind me THIS WAS AN OUTRAGE EMERGENCY) and of motherfucking course it was written by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, 2 men who heard about meeting an actual human woman from a friend one time but otherwise are unfamiliar with the concept.

Lastly, enormous serial killer vibes from Evan sending unlabeled flash drives anonymously through the mail with no note in an attempt to right his wrongs. That’s not catharsis, that’s how the next installment in the Saw franchise starts, with Evan in a Billy the clown doll mask showing up on the screen and asking if you want to play a fucking game.

Also, I know it’s not possible for the narrative to justify this in a way that could be satisfying based on Evan’s actions, but what is with this thing where single working-class mom Julianne Moore is turning down rich people’s money for Evan to go to college? Like, obviously we can’t have that happen in the movie but in real life, fuck your pride! Take those rich people’s money!

I also know how movies work but nothing annoys me more than a giant group of high schoolers all getting beeps and boops to indicate text notifications all at the same time because I don’t know a single person under the age of 55 who keeps their ringer on. That shit is on vibrate AT MOST, and I feel like that’s a millennial thing.

The emotional climax of the film is obviously Evan’s WAY TOO LATE confession, but the idea that it’s prompted by Connor’s family suddenly getting a lot of internet hate is, frankly, laughable. If Sandy Hook taught me one thing, it is that no tragedy is immune from trolls who live only to cause other people devastating emotional pain on the internet. That shit starts day 1. Apparently no one involved in this production has ever been on Twitter?

Also it feels like there should have been a dog somewhere in this movie and there was no dog, so points off for that too.

Perhaps Dear Evan Hansen isn’t nearly as deep as it aspires to be. Perhaps it’s a morality play, a simplistic message of “Don’t lie, kids, lying is bad!” Major studio movies wrap themselves up with a nice bow at the end so everyone can feel good about themselves and leave with a happy ending, but the moronic cruelty on display here makes that feat feel impossible. We’re left with Evan in an orchard, reading Connor’s favorite books and staring into the big blue sky with all the self-actualization he’s earned now as a lil treat. And if Evan Hansen looked like an actual 18-year-old, it would be a lot easier to extend more empathy to him and his not-fully-developed prefrontal cortex, but it’s a little harder with this fully-grown, weathered man who was old enough to remember seeing Liar Liar in theaters.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Get some actual help and a haircut and maybe you can grow up enough to have an actual healthy interaction with any other living person, ever.

Sincerely,

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen review #dear evan hansen 2021 #ben platt #amy adams #kaitlyn dever #julianne moore #colton ryan #danny pino #movie reviews #film reviews

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tartrazeen · 4 years

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How DBH Leans Way Harder Into HankCon Than Father/Son

Listen.

I love you people who make Hank and Connor that whole platonic family thing. Totally you do you, that's fine, don't even worry about it.

For real - this isn't some ship war. It's a game. I even got some dad vibes from Hank before - oop, nope, we just went full daddy, didn't we. So this is not pitting two ideas against each other to see which one's better. They're both good. I massively prefer one, but I'm not saying either one is wrong.

I *am* saying the canon is geared towards their relationship being HankCon.

Putting my last analysis aside, this game's got a consistent pattern to it: the relationship comes to a conflict.

Can a machine be a person? Central conflict of the game. The relationship is between humans and androids externally, and androids and machines internally.

Can an android ever be a mom? Kara's story, with a conflict of "What's the worst that can happen?" It certainly leads to some bad decisions, and - just... the *worst* doctor's appointment.

Can an android be a human's son? Markus' story with its conflict of, "Is that bad?" And here, we get some subtle hints that Leo's not too thrilled, like when Markus gets shot in the face (#defundthepolice amirite? no seriously, wtf guys). Unlike Kara, Markus doesn't have a little "Family" bar showing for Carl, but not only do they openly say what they think, Markus' extended conflict towards this is questioning whether he was more than a slave in a gilded cage or a privileged rich kid now playing War Leader.

Can androids be a threat? There's some demonizing of Markus if he inexplicably gets mad that his people are being killed to death (with a beautiful analysis on that tone policing by dbh-rambling) , but yes, that relationship's in the Deviant Leader's story as Pacifist vs. Non-Pacifist.

Can androids love?

Oh boy.

The question of whether androids can be somebody's son (or daughter) is only actively and directly discussed in Markus' story, and in Kara's from the parent's POV. Family doesn't come up in Connor's except for one big moment and one big parallel: when Hank tells Machine!Connor that every time a Connor died, he thought of Cole, and when Daniel at the start has his whole thing of being replaced after thinking he was part of the family.

Those do not incite a conflict.

For Markus, Leo makes fun of the idea, leading to one of the plethora of opportunities we have to sad-kill his dad or allow Markus stand up for himself.

Zlatko mocks Kara and kidnaps Alice, and while Kara won't leave the house without her kid in tow (who warned you like a billion times to leave girl smh), the race is on to find this chick. Ralph straight up tries to force it if you go that route, again putting Kara and Alice's bond to the test. Same thing at the recycling plant and crossing the border: how far will Kara take this 'mom' thing is the conflict.

Ain't nobody pullin' that shit on Connor.

He's vaguely interested in Hank's 'personal problems' as it pertains to the case. Hank might open up a little about Cole. It's not discussed until the very end, and the theme of 'son' doesn't enter the picture until we *see* a picture at Hank's house, whereupon Connor says nothing about it. That's different from the other storylines, where that family theme appears (and gets talked about) pretty much right away.

Connor doesn't even connect with the idea of replacing a member of a family when he's facing off against Daniel at the start. He basically calls Daniel dumb for it, pre-Zlatko style. His one interest in the Cole situation is saying it's not Hank's fault, with his sincerity adjusted per the Machine! or Deviant! path. He's focused on Hank and Hank alone.

You know what else he's focused on?

"Androids can't feel anything."

"They're not 'technically' emotions."

"I'm a machine and machines don't want anything."

Markus doesn't question whether he can be in love. Kara is maybe surprised by the emotion of those two androids at Rose's house, but her love for Alice is out in the open several times. That's the one thing they feel confident about, and North is as quick to accept it (as the only relationship able to go to 'Lover') as Markus is if Kara explains to him why she's helping Alice. Even as he's mocking her, Zlatko doesn't question that Kara *thinks* she loves her daughter. He uses it against her. That's why these aren't conflicts: they're facts more than anything, taken for granted.

... You know who ain't takin' that shit for granted? And is instead - like, actively challenging every speckle of the concept?

"*smack* What am I to you, a statistic? A 'zero', a 'one' in your fucking program?"

"People are fucking insane. They don't want relationships anymore, everybody just gets an android."

"Those two girls wanted to be together. They really seemed in love."

And like Zlatko with Kara, we have 60 being all goddamn, "Now it's time to decide what matters most: him or the revolution."

That is a conflict.

Kara, Luther and Alice go to a happy little theme park and frolic on a merry-go-round.

Markus has a heart to heart with either Carl at his deathbed or just with Carl's grave, but always to seek advice.

Connor and Hank go to a fucking strip club advertised in their *first* chapter together and get into a bitchy quarrel about, "WHAT ARE YOU REALLY CONNOR, I SHOULD NOT HAVE ADDED A GUN TO THIS CONVERSATION (for real #defundthepolice)."

That is the relationship.

So to recap:

Testing Markus' family relationship with Carl incites a conflict with Leo about who Carl's son really is, eventually putting their lives on the line.

Testing Kara's family relationship with Alice incites a whole host of conflicts that put their lives repeatedly on the line.

Testing Connor's family relationship with Hank incites... uh... a 53-year-old bear calling a 30-year-old weaponized twink 'son' as Connor bleeds out in that one ending you get where you do nothing for two minutes you monster, or - at best - spurs Connor to follow the platonic love of putting a father figure over *the entire revolution and existence of his newly self-aware species* by using it to 'find each other' once Hank has to pick out the real Connor.

Testing Connor's romantic relationship with Hank incites Hank to *fucking kill himself* if you two aren't friends, him punching Perkins in the face if you *are* friends, variations on one your asses dangling off the side of a building or getting dropped/pushed right off of it, and having it listed as a full-on betrayal if you dare to stay a licky blood machine.

Look - Connor said it himself:

"I'm whatever you want me to be: your partner, your buddy to drink with, or just a machine programmed to accomplish a task."

*You do you*. If you see them as family, just make sure they're happy for me, please (and that you remember that even on the good ending, Connor has to murder a minimum of two guards to get through CyberLife so show his ass some respect).

... but.

But.

I mean, when even Clancy says they weren't father and son - not to appeal to the actors' POV or anything, but if that wasn't on the menu when Bryan whipped out a little "I adapt to human unpredictability" wink (that he apparently had to fight David Cage for) then whoa - that makes the idea of Hank and Connor's relationship being platonic less canon than the evidence *for* HankCon.

Besides that, if Markus and Kara *and* Connor are exploring those angles of platonic android and human families, in and around the willingness to explore overt romantic relationships among the androids, who do we have to explore a romance between a human and android?

;)

#detroit become human #hankcon #hannor #hank x connor #hank anderson #dbh connor #dbh markus #dbh kara #my stuff #good job tartra

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

Note

hi, idk if you're taking requests rn but i was wondering if you could do a peter x astrophilia! reader where they're stargazing and he's just staring at her in awe while she rambles about space and she sees him staring and just blushes n goes quiet 🥺

Astrophilia

Astrophilia- (noun) Love of and/or obsession with planets, stars, and outer space.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Masterlist

Requests are CLOSED

At age fourteen, you didn’t exactly have much on your plate. It was the summer before high school and your days mostly consisted of the same things: Subways rides to the “dangerous” parts of New York (or as far as Aunt May allowed) and trips to random streets you couldn’t find on a map. Some days were spent inside playing Mario Kart until your thumbs hated you, and some days were spent outdoors until the sun had fully set and your parents were just about ready to kill you for being out so late. No matter what you were doing, you days were spent with your best friend Peter Parker.

You’d been friends since preschool and being apart was not something either of you enjoyed. Today was no different. You were hanging out in Peters room, just three days before high school was going to start.

It was a slow Sunday. You were just sitting on Peters bed, joking around like always. It's been that way for years, Peter and Y/n, the dynamic duo. But you kinda always liked him a little more than a friend. You couldn't help it. Peter was sweet, kind, adorable, respectful, and treated you like royalty. You didn’t know when the platonic moments in your friendship began to feel romantic, but once you noticed, it was all you thought about.

“Do you think the people will be nice?” You asked Peter as you curled into on of his pillows. Peter joined you on the bed and shrugged.

“I’m sure they’ll be nice enough.” He said.

“Do you think the boys will be nice?” You asked the real question that was on your mind.

Peter was quiet for a minute and shifted his position.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and kept his eyes down. “Maybe?”

You sat up on your elbow and faced him.

“Do you think they’ll like me?” You asked him awkwardly. Sometimes, having a boy best friend made conversations like these harder than they needed to be.

“The boys?” Peter squeaked, feeling a weird feeling in his tummy at your sudden interest in guys.

“Yeah.” You said shyly.

“Of course they will.” Peter stated. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“I’m kinda, I don’t know, nerdy.” You shrugged.

“You think you’re nerdy?” Peter asked. “I wear science pun T shirts and my aunt still packs my lunches.”

“Yeah, but what about the whole space thing?” You asked him. You were a bit of a space geek, something Peter adored about you.

“Y/n, you’re a genius when it comes to knowing about space. That doesn’t make you a nerd. That makes you super cool.” Peter assured you. He hated when you felt insecure about your intelligence. You were the smartest person he knew, and he loved that.

“I’m glad you think so, but I doubt high school boys will find my geekiness ‘super cool’.” You said meekly.

“What kind of guys are you into anyway?” Peter pretended to just think of the question, when he’d really been thinking about it for months. You laughed a little to yourself, know long the kind of guys you were into were Peter.

“I don’t know. Nice ones? I don’t really think about it. As long as he’s kind and can make me laugh, I’ll take him.” You shrugged with a small smile. “And if he knows a thing or two about space, that’d be nice too.”

“You’re telling me all a guy has to be is kind, funny, know a little something about space to be with a girl like you?” Peter asked in disbelief. “There’s gotta be something else, something you look for.”

“A girl like me?” You asked curiously.

“Yeah, uh, I don’t know.” Peter scratched the back of his neck. “It was a dumb question. Forget I asked.”

“Okay.” You watched Peter curiously for a moment before looking away. “And I like musicians, by the way.” You blurted. “That’s the thing I look for. Especially the guitar.”

You and Peter dropped the topic and went on as usual.

The first day of school came and went. When the sun set and you finished your homework, you took Peter to the roof to stargaze like you always did. You sat between Peters legs against the chimney and tilted your chins towards the sky.

“Wow.” You breathed.

“The stars are really showing off tonight, aren’t they? Putting on a show for us.” Peter said softly as he watched your reaction to the sky.

“I could look at the sky for hours.” You sighed and held onto Peters arm, which were wrapped around your shoulders.

“They seem so close. Just a few miles from where we are.” Peter commented.

“Well the closest star to Earth is Proxima Centauri. It’s just 4.2 light-years away.” You absentmindedly told Peter a fact about space. You missed the fond smile he gave you as he found himself wanting to know more.

“And the furthest?” He asked.

“The furthest star right now is 100 million light years away. It’s in the M100 galaxy of the Virgo Cluster.” You said like it was common knowledge. Peters eyes gleamed with an inexplicably fondness for your intelligence.

“How many do you think there are? A million?” He asked, playing dumb now to coax more facts out of you.

“About 200 to 400 billion, and about a trillion in the Milky Way.” You answered, suddenly becoming self conscious of your words. “Uh, I’m guessing.”

“Seems like a pretty good guess to me.” Peter shrugged against your body.

“Sorry. I’m being weird. I’ll stop.” You shifted awkwardly and swallowed.

“You’re not being weird.” Peter said defensively. “Tell me about them.”

“What?” You looked over your shoulder at him.

“The stars. Tell me about them. I want to hear everything you know.” Peter smiled sheepishly.

“No you don’t. It’s boring.” You shook your head.

“Not to me.” Peter promised. A smile tugged onto your lips and you turned back towards the sky.

“So, space is infinite, obviously.” You began. “You got your planets, galaxies, moons, nebulas, and of course, stars. My favorite are stars.”

“Me too.” Peter held you closer and rested his chin on your hair as he listened.

“Stars are luminous spheres made of plasma-“

“Plasma?” Peter asked.

“It’s superheated gas threaded with a magnetic field.” You answered. Stars are mostly made of hydrogen, which they fuse in their cores.”

“Got it.” Peter nodded as if he understood a word you said. His sudden interest encouraged you to keep going.

“That process releases energy, which pushes against the weight of the outer layers of the star and stabilizes it. The energy is also released as heat and light, which radiates out to space.” You continued.

“Amazing.” Peter stared at your profile. The way your face lit up when talking about something you loved made Peters heart melt. He could listen to you all night.

“I know, right?” You laughed happily, making Peter grin. “And did you know stars were some of the first objects to form in the early stages of the universe? We’re looking at the same stars dinosaurs, Galileo, and King Henry have looked at. Isn’t that incredible to think about? The same sun that warms our skin has shown on Alice Paul and Stan Lee. That’s why I love space so much.”

“I didn’t know that.” Peter said gently.

“Because people don’t take the time to learn about it.” You sighed in disappointment. “I mean, they teach us about the phases of the moon and whatnot, but they don’t tell us about the basic groundwork of the universe. Like, have you ever been taught how a star is formed?”

“No. Could you tell me?” Peter asked gently.

“Well, as long as you’re asking.” You smiled sheepishly to hide your excitement. “So, star formation happens in clouds of interstellar gas and dust called “nebulae”, right? The star starts to form when the cloud is nudged into a spinning motion, usually by a shock wave from a nearby supernova explosion or something. Clumps begin to form, and they get hotter and hotter as they gain more mass. When the temperature inside reaches 10 million degrees Celsius a star is born.” You recited. You looked over at Peter and noticed that he was dead silent, just staring at you. Your cheeks heated up when Peter didn’t say anything, and you got quiet. “Sorry. I’m rambling.”

“No, it’s okay.” Peter snapped out of his awe and assured you. “Keep going.”

“Do you really want to hear about stars?” You asked suspiciously.

“No, but I like to hear you talk.” Peter admitted.

"I still can't believe Liz turned you down.” You changed the subject to something more Peters speed. He had asked Liz Allen to the back to school party at Flash’s house and she promptly turned him down. “She's crazy."

You felt Peter shrug against you again and you wondered if you should’ve kept your mouth shut.

"It’s whatever. I didn’t really like her anyway.” Peter answered honestly.

"I know, but still. Who in their right mind would turn you down? She’s lucky you even looked her way.” You said, not even realizing what your words meant to Peter. He felt it too, that shift from platonic to romantic. He was just glad you weren’t facing him and couldn’t see his blush.

“You’re just saying that.” He replied.

“No, I’m not.” You said sincerely. “You're so nice to everyone and so smart. And oh my God, the funniest guy in the world. And not to mention, cute as hell.”

Peters body suddenly felt warm against yours and you wondered if he was blushing.

(Yes, he was)

"Nowhere near as cute as you." He said in a shy voice. You looked back at him gave him a playful shove.

"Oh, shut up. No I'm not." You looked back at the sky to keep yourself from smiling as Peter shook his head.

"You should see the way guys look at you. They practically drool." He muttered, and you could hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

"Oh, please. No guys stare at me.” You dismissed. “Why would they? I'm nothing special."

Peter finally looked at you and met your eyes.

"Do you really not know you're beautiful?" He asked, confusion in his voice.

"What?” You asked quietly.

"You know you're beautiful, right Y/n?" Peter sat up a little and sounded serious. Unsure of what to say, you didn’t answer and just chewed your lips.

"Did you really not know that?” Peter asked again.

You shook you head and Peter laughed in disbelief.

"I'm not beautiful, Peter. Not like Liz, anyway. Not even close." You said softly, making Peter look at you like you were crazy.

"Yes you are, Y/n.” Peter said firmly. “Inside and out. I can't believe no ones ever told you."

“Why does it matter?” You shrugged.

“Look up.” Peter said suddenly, and you did.

“You see those stars? All 200 to 400 billion of them?” He asked and you nodded. “You are more beautiful than every single one of them. Even the trillion in the Milky Way. And you’re wrong. The closest star isn’t 4.2 light years away. She’s sitting right next to me.”

“You listened.” You smiled small and looked back down at him.

"I always listen.” Peter told you. That's it, hand me my backpack.” He commanded. You laughed but did as you were told. Peter began to dig in his backpack, emptying it of books to find what he was looking for.

"What are you doing?" You asked him. He didn't answer, but pulled a small ukulele out of his bag.

“Since when do you play?” You asked in shock. You were so sure you knew everything there was to know about Peter Parker.

“Since about three days ago.” Peter answered as he held the instrument to his ear and tuned it.

"Just listen, okay? I know it’s not a guitar, but listen.” He asked calmly. You nodded, dying to see where this was going as he began to strum his ukulele. His fingers soon found the rhythm and a melody flowed out. You didn't recognize the song a first, but soon realized it was You're Beautiful by James Blunt. You smiled and rested your hand on his knee as he played.

"My life is brilliant, my love is pure. I saw an angel, of that I'm sure." He sang softly. Not only could Peter play, the boy could sing. His voice was smooth and angelic, making your heart flutter. You’d never been serenaded before and it was definitely something you could get used to.

"You're beautiful, you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do. Cause I'll never be with you." He continued the song, finally looking away from the strings and into your eyes. You listened to him as closely as you could, basking in the moment. There was that incredible voice that you loved. Peter was always shy about things he was good at, and you wondered if that’s why you’d never heard his singing before. You felt robbed of his glory for the past 14 years.

"There must be angel with a smile on her face when she thought up that I should be with you.” He sang through a smile.

You beamed at him and his cheeks grew pinker and pinker. Peters fingers dragged along the strings as he approached the final verse.

"But it's time to face the truth; I will never be with you." He strummed once more before setting the ukulele down on his lap. He looked very satisfied with his little serenade before looking up at you for approval. You looked up into his brown eyes and broke into a huge smile.

"That was beautiful, Peter. I loved it.” You told him honestly as you reached over and took his hand. “But some of those lyrics are a lie."

Peter put the ukele back in his bag and sighed.

"No they're not, Y/n. You really are beautiful." He promised.

You laughed softly and toyed with his fingers.

"No, not those lyrics." You shook your head and Peter looked confused.

"Then, which lyrics?" He asked.

You held your breath and looked away from his gaze. It was time to take a leap of faith. “The ones that say ‘I'll never be with you’, I mean.That’s not true. At least, I hope it’s not true.” You look into Peters eyes and search them for a reaction. You thank your lucky stars when you see his face light up and a huge grin making its way across his lips.

"REALLY?!" He asked excitedly, then clears his throat and tries to look casual. "I mean um, really?" Peter asked with all the hope on the world in his eyes.

“Really.” You confirmed.

"Truth is Y/n, Liz didn’t turn me down. I actually turned her down for a the party because…” he trailed off.

"Because?" You asked, encouraging him to continue.

"Because, well...you're the one that I want. Not her or any other girl. I wanna be with you." He said softly and carefully, in fear of being rejected.

Little did he know, you had been dreaming of being his for months at that point. You didn't want to spend another second being just his friend. Peter looked at you longingly, expecting you to say something. But you didn't say anything; you just leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, gently in the pale moonlight. Peter seemed surprised at first, but then kissed you back, cupping your cheek with his hand. You leaned forward and pushed him back against the base of the chimney, melting into him. You finally broke apart and stared at each other in a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other's presence. He brought his slightly cold hand back to your cheek and you leaned into it.

"I really like you, Y/n.” Peter smiled, looking the happiest you’d ever seen him.

"I really like you too, Peter.” You smiled back.

Peter laughed in joy and kissed you again.

“Do you want to go to that party together?” Peter suggested “As a couple?”

“I would love to.” You agreed to his offer and turned around again to settle into his arms. You tilted your chins towards the sky again, returning to your stargazing. This time, you weren’t thinking about space. Stars weren’t your favorite thing in the universe anymore. Now, it was Peter Parker.

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @sunrise-shawn @meghan-8520xx @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @autumnlyholland @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @ho-ho-holland @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @m19friend

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #spider man: homecoming #spiderman x reader #iron man #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #peter parker fluff #peter parker x best friend!reader #peter parker x astrophilia!reader

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sebastianshaw · 3 years

Conversation

RP Meme from The Lost Boys

I told you to stay off the boardwalk.

Hey, I liked that song.

I don't see any boogeymen or nasty guys.

Wait. That's from my era!

That's the ocean air.

Smells like someone died.

Looks like he's dead. No, he's just a deep sleeper.

If he's dead, can we go back to [PLACE]?

What's wrong with this picture? There's no TV. Have you seen a TV? I haven't seen a TV.

You're the only woman I ever knew who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced.

A big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation.

Ouch. My hair.

Talk about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

We've got some rules around here. Second shelf is

mine. That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me.

There's another rule around here, and I want you to pay

close attention. Don't touch anything. Everything is exactly where I want it.

There are some bad elements around here.

You're telling me we've moved to the murder capital of the world?

If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once we'd have one hell of a population problem.

I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.

I was so worried. Don't run off like that.

We were that age, too, once. Only they dress better.

You have a generous nature. I like that in a person.

So how may I help you this evening? We have it all.

I look that needy, huh?

You're chasing that girl, aren't you?

I'm at the mercy of your sex glands.

Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night?

Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.

Listen buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen-yogurt bar, it went out of business last summer.

That's a very serious book, man.

Only five in existence.

Where the hell are you from? Krypton?

Nobody drives this baby but me.

We have to let it warm up a little. Hear that sound? Just like a baby pussycat.

That's as close to town as I like to get.

It's a pretty cool place. If you're a Martian. Or a vampire.

Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something?

You think you really know what's happening here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know shit buddy.

This is just our cover. We are dedicated to a higher

purpose. We're fighters for Truth Justice, and the American

way.

Think of it more as a survival manual.

There's our number on the back and pray you never need to call us.

I'll pray I never need to call you.

If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it.

I came this close to being called Moon Beam or Moon Child Or something like that.

I can't beat your bike.

You don't have to beat me, [NAME]. You just have to try

and keep up.

Just you! Come on! Just you!

That's what I love about this place. You ask, and then you get.

I can never sleep with the closet door open, either. Not even a crack.

Don't sneak up on people like that!

What, you don't like rice? Tell me [NAME], how could a

billion Chinese people be wrong? Come on!

You're eating maggots. How do they taste?

Sorry about that. No hard feelings, huh?

Drink some of this, [NAME]. Be one of us.

Give me those sunglasses.

You need sunglasses to talk on the phone?

Are you freebasing? Inquiring minds want to know.

Anything in here that might pass for after-shave?

Have a big date tonight, [NAME]?

Lose the earring, [NAME]. It's not you. It's definitely

not you.

All you do is give attitude lately.

Go take your bath.

What did you do to my dog, asshole?

I didn't hurt him. He bit me. This is my blood.

Why did he bite you, huh? What did you do to him?

He was protecting you.

Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of

the night, [NAME]. Just like out of a comic book.

My own brother/sister/friend/etc, a goddam shit-sucking vampire.

You wait 'til[NAME] finds out!

Just let me talk. Wait a minute! [NAME]!

You did the right thing by calling us.

Does the sunlight freak him out?

He wears sunglasses in the house.

He always had bad breath, though.

He's a vampire all right. Here's what you do.

I can't do that! He's my brother/sister/mother/friend/etc!

You better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy. Or it's

your funeral.

I think we have to have a real long talk about something.

[NAME] help! He's coming to get me!

[NAME], help me! Open up! Help me! [NAME], open the window!

So what are you, the flying nun?

We're gonna work this out. We*re gonna work this out. Trust

me, okay?

I thought I saw something on my window, but I guess I got carried away.

I would like to have a personal life too.

Can I sleep in here with you tonight?

You smell like garlic.

What's happening to me, [NAME]?

I don't know how to help you.

Aren't we friends anymore?

Then let's act like friends. Let's talk.

We could talk about anything you want to talk about.

I have more serious things on my mind than girls and school. Things I'm dealing with.

Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night.

The dog chased my mom like the Hounds of Hell from Vampires

Everywhere.

We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in

town for a long time.

[PLACE] has become a haven for the undead.

As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that ghouls and

werewolves occupy high position at City Hall.

Kill your brother/sister/boyfriend/aunt/best friend/etc, you'll feel better!

Look, it says here that if you kill the head vampire all half-vampires will return to normal.

Does he know who the head vampire is?

You'll have to kill him. And if you don't, we will.

Vampire require a daytime protector, a guardian to watch

over them as they sleep. Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell,

are often employed for this purpose.

Truth, Justice, The American way triumphs.

Smells good. When do we eat?

Are we gonna have company again?

Well, you are the man of the house and I'm not coming in until you invite me.

He promises to behave if you come back.

I didn't know you were having guests.

Our batting average isn't terrific, is it? Zero for two.

You're so sweet to him.

I don't know what got in to him. He's not like that.

If you ever want to see [NAME] again, you better come with

us now.

Initiation's over, [NAME]. Time to join the club.

Don't kill me, [NAME]. I'm basically a good kid, so just

don't kill me.

Just work with me and I can help you. You'll be okay.

Is she one of them?

You shut the window and lock your door.

She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a

bad person, [NAME]!

Yes, and it's my fault. You would've not met me, if I

hadn't liked you. I tried to warn you.

You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy?

We're not them.

Why didn't you kill me last night?

You're supposed to be my first.

What are you doing here? What do you want from me?

Don't kill anybody until we get back to you!

I got connections.

The night crawler. The bloodsucker. El Vampiro.

I don't want you going down there.

Look, this isn't a comic book, [NAME]. These guys are

brutal killers.

Who'd you rather go down in with you? Them or me?

If something happens down there, I won't have the strength

to protect you.

This time I'll protect you.

Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother/sister/friend/etc

If you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way, I'll stake

you without even thinking twice about it!

Where did you say you met these guys?

Don't you touch her. Stay away from her.

Flies and the undead go together like bullets and guns.

There must be coffins here someplace.

I thought they'd be in coffins.

That's what this cave is. It's one giant coffin.

Right now they're at their most vulnerable. Easy pickings.

Remember. You just have to kill the leader.

We don't know which one he is.

I guess we'll just have to kill them all.

What's that, a little vampire humor? It wasn't funny.

Good night, bloodsucker.

We blew it, man! We lost it!

We unraveled in the face of the enemy!

They pulled a mind-scramble on us!

We don't ride with vampires.

"Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed!

Your dog knows a flesh-eater when he smells one.

The sun goes down. They'll be looking for us.

[PLACE] is crawling with vampires

They're coming to the house as soon as it gets dark!

I'm gonna see [NAME] tonight, and you're trying to ruin it for me.

I don't know what you don't want me to see.

I'm not talking about [NAME]! To hell with [NAME]!

Good. That's just the way we like it.

We've got a date tonight?

They'll be coming for all of us.

It's just old memories coming back.

Why are you so jumpy tonight?

He seemed so sincere, but it's insane.

Tell me. I promise not to laugh. Honest.

I think I should warn you all when a vampire dies, it's never a pretty sight.

Some yell and scream. Some go quietly. Some explode. Some implode. But all will try to take you with them.

Don't go out there! Stop him!

I say we terminate them right now.

You're mine. You killed [NAME]

Try the holy water, dead breath!

I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow.

We trashed the one that looked like Twisted Sister.

We totally annihilated his night stalkin' ass!

Death to all vampires!

We are awesome monster bashers!

Holy shit! The attack of Eddie Monster!

Stop! Get away from him! Just stay away from him! He's just

a little boy.

You're afraid to face me, [NAME]?

I tried to make you immortal.

You tried to make me a killer!

Stop fighting me, [NAME]. I don't want to kill you. Join us.

It is too late, my blood is in your veins.

Don't let them see me like this.

What happened to your face?

I knew it. You are the head vampire.

You're the secret [NAME] was protecting.

Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy/girl/etc.

It renders you powerless.

Has everyone gone crazy? What's the matter with all of you?

It was you I was after, all along, [NAME]

It was all going to be so perfect, [NAME]

Just like one big happy family.

Great. The bloodsucking Brady Bunch.

I still want you, [NAME]. I haven't changed my mind about that.

I didn't invite you this time, [NAME]

Don't you touch my mother/father/son/dog/etc

Don't fight, [NAME]. It's so much better if you don't fight.

How much do you think we should charge them for this?

One thing about living in [PLACE] I never could

stomach--all the damn vampires.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay memes #the lost boys #lost boys #my meme #my memes #my starters #out of shirt #okay to reblog

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imagines-to-quench-thirst · 4 years

Text

Prima ballerina and her Vicious Viking: Ivar the boneless

I have seen a lot of Youtube clips so I don't know much of the show so sorry if I missed some names.

Warning: some grammatical mistakes and misspelled names

Still living in a house with no internet so this piece was made in a cafe with the internet where I sat for a good half an hour sorry if it wasn't the best.

Enjoy!

And then I dance on the tops of my toes with the rhythmic music following my lead.' The soft giggles at the end of the sentence gave the man beside the girl much room to think.

'How do you mean that the music follows you? Music is invisible. I don't understand.' 'That's a term of saying. For example when you are dancing-' 'I do not dance.' Y/n looks at him again hitting her head in the realization that she forgot.

'Sorry.' the ruthless man chuckles nudging her shoulder with his. 'I like it when you get sad like this and apologetic. It's very much... Sweet.' Ivar smiled at his lover leaning towards her soft and cold lips kissing them to give her little of his own warmth. She reciprocates his action pushing against lips letting the bystanders pass them with shock in their eyes seeing a young fair maiden kissing him. As if she felt the wave of unpleased she moves back whispering 'I wish you could see it.'

Ivar nods in agreement answering in the same tone 'As well, I could only imagine how graceful you look.' Y/n steps up from the small chair holding her hand out to Ivar as he grabs his crutch walking long side her holding her hand delicately and the crutch holding onto for dear life.

Arriving in his room he flops down ready to tell out the order for his lackluster slave but feels Y/n's hands on his legs unbuckling his leg braces. He wants to rebuke her kind gesture but when she was so soft, nice, slow with him he could do only but melt at her love and affection. She always was one step ahead of him, everyone is but still... she was in his head far longer than his brothers, no one could survive for that long as she did.

Finishing up the job Y/n grabs the braces placing them next to his crutch, within arm's length. Letting go of the bonds of metal and leather Y/n looks up at the moon as it shined bright with only a few stars as companions. 'When are you going back?' Ivar asks his hands clasping together hoping to hear the largest of numbers 'This my second full moon... tomorrow.' Responding to his question she turns around seeing his head hung in sadness

'But I'll be back. Soon. Very soon.' Ivar nods as his blue eyes pleaded to her to stay more, not to put any more days apart and than together. Her steps squeezed along the dry wood as her derriere sat next to Ivar's on the bed 'I understand... I just wish that we- we weren't such worlds apart.' she knew what he meant and how literal it was for she was a lucky girl who stumbled up a portal in the deep woods behind her house falling directly into his world with no warmth to keep her alive only stumbling over him as she desperately asked passers to lend her their warm coats not bothering to look down tumbling over the man she will fall in love with.

Oh, the irony the only one to help her was the only one she didn't ask. And thus having her tumble from one world into another, pushing her body from a normal warm temperature to freezing winter.

'I know, but I don't want to risk the timeline of history just so you can see my dance.' That was also a problem. The timeline. That's what she thought maybe it was a historic timeline or it was an alternative world where everything was frozen. She didn't know and if she asked him things that would develop later she could change the lives of future billions. She heard stories of him, she read them and witness them but when he was with her it was more a question of that man was capable of killing in cold blood for an honor when he told her she was his true love. She did not know. Nor she doesn't want to know. It was safer that way. But also she knew that he was a Viking that one day will come when she will decide if she'll leave her world or his... forever. Even that was for another time. Not now, when she held him in a tight and warm embrace.

'I'll find a way.' Ivar whispered through her clothes letting his heavy eyes close as he is lulled into a peaceful sleep knowing that when he wakes up she will be gone until the next full moon.

The cold sun shined brightly into the room as its soft icy rays fall onto Ivar's s eyelids making him force open. He opens his blue eyes seeing the pillow next to him empty, he was right. She is gone. 'What's wrong brother?' Hvitserk asked his brother as he involuntary ate his food. 'Nothing-nothing.' Ivar replied not wanting to look at his brother's smirk. Ubbe looks at his baby brother saying 'Ah, is the woman of your "life" gone?' Ubbe let the words drag far longer than normal to irk Ivar more and more. Ivar held the fork with all his strength feeling as if with one more "joke" he will fling it to his brother's eyeball. 'Boys, enough.' Aslaug says with authority in her voice pleading the boys to stop harassing their youngest. Everyone around the table knew just how much Ivar had a short fuse but still his family should understand his sorrow. 'Do not worry dear brother, soon she will leave you so you will not feel like this anymore.'

Ubbe said with no cares for his brother's love. Ivar looked ta him immediately fearing the worst. He knew that whatever his brothers said about her was meant as a joke but this kind of sentence bore throughout all layers of emotions, intentional or not. It broke his heart to think there won't be unanticipated waits of her return or walking down a street just holding her hand to see the shocked reactions of his people, feeling on top of the world with her. He didn't want those moments to stop coming in, he doesn’t want to feel alone and in pain.

Hell, even when he was in pain she was with him to tell him about her life as a dancer. It didn't have to stop. Not if he wanted to.

'Okay, class. From the beginning. Step 1, step 2, hop 3 and twirl 4 aannndd falls gracefully down. Good job.' the teacher applauded her team of marvelous ballerinas letting them take a rest talking to each other to catch up on their days they spent free.

Y/n laid next to her friend Micheal as he nudged her shoulder 'So, the guy, Ivar? When I'll meet him?' he asked the all too telling question as he untangled his ballet shoes.' Well... he is-well he is... busy? Yeah, that.' 'Sure... sure Susan. I mean I just want to see a man that fell in love with your soul and not your amazingly talented feet.' Michael was right. He always was.

His questions were innocent enough but his intentions were sincere. But he didn't meet a historic/alternative universe Viking who captured her heart. 'Besides, the grand show is in 2 days and he won't come?' 'Yeah, he isn't the one for the finer arts.' 'I can understand that. But if I had an artistic girlfriend I would be with her each day and attend all her shows.'

Y/n slumped her shoulders feeling the sadness sead into her heart she wanted to see Ivar at her shows but it just wasn't going to happen. As her shoulders sank so did her smile, giving Micheal a big smack on the head. He was stupid.' Y/n...' 'It's okay... really, it is.' Y/n looked at the wood flooring hoping to remove this sad energy from her soul hoping that Ivar is having a better day than her.

'I am telling you it is true love!' Ivar screamed at his brothers seeing the doubtful gleam 'Brother, having sex is not love. That is something you cannot understand.' Ubbe restored back' 'Oh yeah... And what about your love life Ubbe, your wife isn't really faithful I heard.' Ivar halted his words seeing the sudden snap of his brother's posture, he grins 'Maybe it's because you aren't active anymore so she searches for other men to please her.' Ubbe stood up holding his hands reaching towards Ivar's neck over the table to strangle the life out of him. Ivar felt Ubbe's chubby fingers around his neck trying to choke but as much ut was dangerous it was funny to Ivar 'Brother have you... lost your inner man? I'm still here breathing.' Ivar said with little to no effort as he saw Ubbe's eyes glare at him cursing and condemning his soul and body.

'Enough!' Aslaug slammed her fist on the table startling everyone present 'Ubbe that is not how you act with your brother. Not when he is hurting.' she says softly trying to calm the brut.' His ways of thinking got me angry. ' Ubbe said trying to explain his harsh actions. Ivar looked at his older brother feeling a kick in his stomach, he stands up leaning on his crutch leveling his eyesight with Aslaug and Ubbe

'So does that mean that you do not think that I am worthy of love? Because I am just a cripple?' 'Let's face it Ivar, no one other than mother can love you.' Sigurd bugged in leaving Ivar at a loss of words. Ivar looked at his "family" seeing no smug of empathy, no desire does not help him feel better about the woman he loved so dearly. He wanted to scream at them but he needed to prove it to them

'Follow me, and I will show you the truth.' Ivar hobbled out of the dining room as he heard steps in the back following him.

The reflectors shined down on the podium as the dancers took center dancing along the musical influences that played beneath them while Y/n waited for her grand stage.

The piece de résistance.

She will have her solo number finishing off the ballet show. Her dress was long and flowing, hoping that she will seem like a floating ghost and not a white sheet falling on the floor, her hair tied into a bun pinned in with many fake jewels but still giving her regal glow and her ballet shoes neatly tightened with a bow behind her calf.

'Ready?' Micheal asked as he hopped off the stage next to her his breath trying to catch up to him. She nods as the lights dim down giving her the cue to go out, to take the final dance and close of this beautiful show. Bending her knees a little she feels the warmth lights on her back snap right back up as the music starts its first few sharp notes.

Her head snaps to the crowd seeing the influx of esteemed guests dressed in dresses and suits waiting for her to show them her skills. Standing slowly up with the music she looks further seeing the back door open a few more guests entering.

Not now.

Letting the music take her on she spins along letting her mind go blank and her feet take control. Each step careful as the last one, soft and mellow as the music played, her arms moving along with the musical air telling a story of their own, while her eyes every now and then watched the crowds reaction seeing a glimmer of silver, her eyes stop still focusing on it.

Her spins take her around still trying to see in the far back who it was. The music mellows down her movements following the pace as she takes one more final step towards the crowd ending the grand show.

Y/n bows her head and the crowd stands up in thunderous applause showing her with cheers, claps, and whistle... wolf whistles? Here? In a posh theater? She looks up seeing the person who wolf-whistled was none other than Ivar. What?! Not letting the sudden shock show she walks backstage passing the cheers of her teacher and peers and running straight to the back to see if this was happening.

Her dress flowed behind her but immediately stopped. 'Ivar.' The love of her life turned around on his crutches smiling proudly 'Now I understand what you meant.' There he was Ivar, Ubbe, Sigurd, Hvitserk, and Aslaug. How? Ivar walked along the plush corridor as Y/n drew closer and closer steps to him, hugging him tightly as possible. He hugged back feeling underneath his fingers the white fabric on her waist her sweet scent was now sweeter as if she was dipped in the richest honey.

Ivar pulls away smiling at his girl seeing her eyes he missed so dearly for the last 4 days while she gazed at his blue irises seeing that a day more and he could have a mental breakdown 'Are you alright?' Y/n asked 'I am now. My ballet princess.'

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terry-perry · 4 years

Text

Preyed Upon pt. 1

Yet another piece of fanfiction that is dedicated to @ladyfluff, especially since I have a few OCs on here that she had created. Give her a follow if you haven’t already to see more of them because they’re the kind of OCs that like to pop up every now and again on her tumblr. Also FAIR WARNING: this oneshot will contain some dark themes to it such as kidnapping, torture, and all that good stuff! You have been warned...

Enjoy the read!

There was no stopping Adam as he swung open the door hard enough to take it off its hinges. He charged over to Raymond sitting in the den and used more of his inhuman strength to lift him off the couch and hold him by the front of his shirt. Everyone else trailed behind not soon after and barely even put a stop to the antics.

“Where is she?!” Adam spat out, his eyes lit up with malice.

“Won’t you come in?” Raymond said with that sneering grin that made you want to punch him in the face.

“Cut the shit!” Peter hissed while standing on Adam’s left. “Where’s our sister?!”

No one had been able to reach Y/N for a little over two weeks. It wasn’t like her to go off the grid for too long, not even when she was busy working on one of her art projects or on the hunt for another addition to her antique collection. She always took the time to give one of them a call and even update them with her progress. Everyone’s concerns were confirmed after they all decided to check for her at her apartment and found her gone. The worry grew only worse when Ava spoke up about what Raymond had been spewing out since he came back into their lives, and how he was ready to give Y/N what she had coming to her.

“Ava told us everything,” Eve explained coldly on Adam’s right. “So don’t bother lying your way out of this.”

Raymond had the nerve to throw his head back and let out a mocking laugh before looking over to Ava, who was peeking from behind Eve’s shoulder like a frightened child seeking solace in their parent’s arms.

She knew this was her fault for bringing him back into the picture. She had heard all the stories about him throughout the several decades he had been around, but she saw it all as more adventurous and exciting than terrifying. She fell for Raymond’s charm and bloodlust; his goal of making every night a party for their kind. Him being Y/N’s ex was just a bonus since they never really got along all that well, and she enjoyed doing what she could to annoy her.

But this trumped their rivalry and whatever Bonnie and Clyde type romance she thought she could have with him. Now it seemed like lives could be at stake because she refused to see what he really was: a monster.

“Oh I sincerely doubt she told you what I have been up to,” Raymond said, pulling himself out of Adam’s grip. “Because she still thought that all this was just another attempt to get Y/N back when she left to warn you guys. And I’ll admit, I did make a final attempt to win her over when I had stopped by to see her. But it really seems like she’s taken by the new pet she has...”

He peered over to Ian standing behind everyone else and giving him an equally cold stare.

“I thought about killing her,” Raymond admitted. “But that seemed too good for her. Even if I took my time with it. So, I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.”

The group were all paler than usual, but each pair of eyes were still slits of fury and disdain.

“What the hell does that mean?” Ian asked sharply.

Raymond looked at him with an out-of-place casual smile.

“Have any of you ever browsed online before? I myself thought the internet was a bit of nonsense. Another waste of time these modern zombies created. That was until I found certain sites that only a few can stumble upon when you know the way to access it all.”

He kept his voice in an eerily calm level and still went on smiling serenely.

“One particular website I found was host to a lot of eccentric rich folk. People who were actually willing to pay millions - even billions - for items that are otherworldly or supernatural. Imagine my surprise when I also saw that even creatures could be up for sale. Entities...supernatural beings. Like us.”

“Oh no...” Rowan mumbled.

“You should have seen the bidding war there was over her-”

There was another violent lunge for Raymond, but from Ian this time. He bellowed out a growl-like yell when he almost knocked over everyone to attack him. He got a few hits before he was pulled back by Peter and Rowan. His face was red with fury, and his hair was disheveled. Angry tears spilled out his eyes.

“I’ll kill you!” He shouted. “I’ll fucking kill you!”

“Where is she?” Eve asked, doing her best to keep her own composure steady. “Who did you sell her to?”

“Now, now, she hasn’t been shipped off just yet,” Raymond stated with mock assurance. “Her buyer is some rich widower from the U.K. He’s planning on picking her up and flying back home with her. He should be here in about 2-3 days. Until then, I’m keeping her in a safe place that is on a need-to-know basis for those I do business with. So maybe there’s something better you can offer me for he-”

“This is Y/N we’re talking about, not some item you’re auctioning off of eBay!” Peter exclaimed fiercely. “We are not negotiating or offering anything!”

“Give her back to us!” Adam threatened with a menacing step toward Raymond. “Or else-”

But suddenly, Raymond took out a small remote and immediately pressed a button on it. Not long after, there was a terrible and drawn-out shriek in the room. Everyone looked around the small apartment until Rowan pointed at the cell phone they were all too distracted to have noticed on the couch. With it being on speaker, they all heard Y/N’s pained screams go on as they all began to panic.

“Y/N!”

“Stop it!”

“What are you doing?!”

“Stop!”

Raymond eventually pressed another button on the remote that seemed to put a stop to whatever it was that caused her screams since there was no longer any noise from her end but small pants and whimpers.

“What did you do to her?!” Adam screeched, tears of his own wanting to come out.

Raymond lifted up the remote and looked at it with pride.

“Oh that was courtesy of another neat little thing I found on the web. This baby controls something Y/N has around her neck at the moment. Kinda like one of those shock collars people have their pets wear when they want them to behave.”

Everyone’s eyes widened with fear and surprise, with some even looking like they might be sick. But he just continued to look smug and even had his thumb graze over some of the buttons on the remote.

“This one’s a little more intense. It even has levels! So far, it seems like it’s doing a great job keeping you all in line.” He gave each and every one of them a hard glare. “And you’re all going to stay in line by either scrounging up more than $7 million in three days, or just butt out and let me get the money that’s already guaranteed to come my way. Try anything else, I’ll be sure to crank this all the way up to 11! Then we’ll see what I can do with whatever is left of her.”

They all remained quiet and each felt a good amount of helplessness. What was there to do now that there hands were tied? They needed time to figure out what their next move needed to be. They just hoped Y/N wasn’t gone by the time they came up with a plan.

“Let us talk to her,” Adam demanded softly. “We, at least, deserve to know that she’s safe, for now.”

Raymond gave some thought to the request before deciding to hand over the phone to Adam.

“No tricks,” he said, raising the remote once more.

The group crowded around Adam once he grabbed the phone and called out to his sister in a shaky voice.

“Y/N?”

“Adam?!” They heard her croak out. It was heartbreaking to hear her wheeze. “Adam, I don’t know where I am. I don’t know where he’s taken me! I’m in some sort of basement, but that’s all I know. I’m so scared...”

Adam glanced at Raymond on the couch, but he just looked bored and tapped his fingers against his cheek with impatience. He reverted his attention back to Y/N. Eve did all she could to rub out the tension he was feeling.

“It’s going to be fine, Y/N. You’re going to be okay. I promise, we’re going to do all we can to save you. You just keep hanging on and be the strong person we all know you to be.”

He had to stop to swallow the lump forming in his throat.

“Are all of you there?” Y/N asked.

Peter took the phone from his brother’s trembling hands to answer. “Yeah, Y/N. We’re all here. You’re on speaker, so we can all hear you.”

“Hi everyone. Sorry if I had you all worried...”

Peter couldn’t help but let out a choked-up laugh. “It’s what you’re good at, I suppose. Even when we were growing up, you were always the one that had the habit of wandering off into the woods.”

“Just wanted to see those witches mother would always prattle on about for myself,”

Peter pressed his lips together and shut his eyes tight, doing all he could to keep it together.

“Is Ian there as well?” Y/N asked next.

“Yeah, baby, I’m here,” Ian answered immediately. He grabbed the phone from Peter, who was now being held by his husband.

“Is it all right if I speak with you, in private?”

Ian looked at Raymond to see if this was okay. He gained some agitation, but he only rolled his eyes and gestured towards the bedroom nearby.

“Make it quick,” he ordered. “Leave the door open, and keep it on speaker.”

Ian walked the several feet away and sat down on the bed while listening to her voice, despite the fact that it pained him with the way it sounded so hoarse and strained.

“I don’t know how much time he’s given you, but I wanted to tell you a few important things in case-”

“Y/N, please don’t,” he interrupted her with a small cry. “Please don’t act like this is the last time we’re going to talk to each other. You’re going to be okay. We’re going to find you.”

“I know, I know, but with the chance that something does happen to me-”

“I can’t!” Ian exclaimed tearfully. He couldn’t let this be the end for them. He needed her by his side; to take care of her, and love and admire her the way he always did. His eyes were clamped shut as though he was afraid this all wasn’t just a terrible nightmare he could easily wake up from. He needed to pretend for at least a moment that he’d open his eyes and find himself in her apartment where he would get out of bed to follow the scent of the late night breakfast she would be cooking for him while wearing one of his shirts.

“I don’t want this to be the last time I hear your voice,” he proclaimed. “I know there’s a lot we can’t do together, but there’s also a lot we can still do that we haven’t done yet!” He struggled a somewhat to catch his breath. “We still need to move in together, and travel, and make music.” He huffed and drew a sad smile on his face. “I was even thinking that we could get a dog. You like dogs, right?”

She gave out a broken giggle. “I love dogs. What do you think about getting a labradoodle?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. It’ll have a lot of hair, like me.”

“You know how much I love your hair,”

They shared a soft laugh and had some momentary relief from the dire situation.

“I want to do all those things with you, baby. And so much more,” he whispered, not trusting himself to have his voice break. He needed to be strong for the two of them. He couldn’t let her know how scared he truly was. “Please try to hold on until we find you. Promise me you will. And if you get a chance to escape, you tak-”

“All right, Romeo. That’s enough.”

Ian didn’t care anymore about making a scene once Raymond came into the room to snatch the phone away. He pleaded with a whimper for him to have another minute with her. He needed her to be okay. Last thing he heard was her panicked voice calling for him before Raymond ended the call. The love and worry he was carrying for her was now replaced with a rage and hatred for the man in front of him that was giving him a hateful scowl of his own.

“Pathetic,” Raymond scoffed. “Of all the people she could’ve replaced me with, she decided to go for you.”

Ian didn’t bother responding, only sinking to his knees due to his legs feeling too much like jelly. He was shaking from head to toe and ached as his breathing came out like there were painful stabs to his chest. He could only imagine that Y/N was in a much worse state. Because right now he didn’t care about living or dying. Only that the pain would stop.

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dreadhaus-literature · 5 years

Text

{Valentine’s Collection} #8

“I know you’re mad at me right now, but I can’t wait any longer.”

Monica paused, sitting in front of her vanity mirror. Her lipstick, blood red and all the more tempting for it, was near her full, pouty lips but her attention wasn’t on finishing her make-up. It was on her...well. What he was, was complicated.

Alexander Luthor, known more prominently as Lex Luthor, shrugged into his tailored suit jacket with a snap of strong hands and a roll of broad shoulders. He didn’t miss the way Monica’s eyes appreciated his muscled physique, even if there was a touch of begrudging contempt lighting the depths of emerald. He’d learned to live with that, with the fire that sometimes turned her sweet voice to venom when she spoke to him--he deserved it, he knew he did. He was a son of a bitch and he had been for the majority of time she’d known him. It wasn’t until recently that he’d tried to be different...to be better. He couldn’t blame her for not trusting him to be sincere. Why should she? He hadn’t always been. He was an ambitious man from a line of ambitious, bastardous men and why should anyone ever expect him to be anything different?

Initially, Lex hadn’t wanted to be. The only reason Monica was in his penthouse was because he’d kidnapped her--yes, it was wrong, and yes, he knew it was wrong but he couldn’t make her listen to him any other way! He’d tried the civil way, the way of a superhero, but she’d always slam her door shut, pull her blinds, ignore him trying to call her or talk to her on the sidewalk. Lex knew it was because she was mistaking what he was after; she wasn’t the Lois Lane to his Clark Kent--Lex may be a Superman but he wasn’t trying to be Clark. He was trying to be better. It was just...everyone always assumed he was simply trying to be better than Clark but that wasn’t the full truth. No, the full truth he couldn’t get anyone to listen to--

Lex was trying to be better than himself, and he was a smart enough man to know the only way to do that was with Monica by his side.

It was comparable, he had to admit, because Clark would say he was only a good man because he had Lois. Lex was fine to admit he was only a good man because of Monica, because he wanted her to look at him the way the world looked at Superman. He didn’t know when it happened, when he started to care more about the way she saw him than anyone and everyone else, but it had. Suddenly the world with all it’s billions of people, their adoration meant nothing if Monica was still turning her nose up at him. No matter what he did, who he saved, she never smiled at him. She never told him good job, she never seemed impressed--and for a man with a sizeable ego like Lex, it was a sucker punch every time. The more she denied him her praise, her love and support, the more he craved it. The League had accepted him at one point, he was an established superhero with a war suit that made him every bit as super as Superman needed to be, but when the crowds thinned and Lex was alone, the only thing he could think of was Monica and the way she didn’t love him the way she loved the others.

In the full-length mirror, Lex adjusted his bow-tie and kept his proud posture, his statement hanging in the air while he waited to see if Monica would speak to him. He understood she was mad, she often was but given her situation he wasn’t upset with her about that. He’d stolen her freedom in a fool’s attempt to show her he was a better man, now. He didn’t seem to understand that his act of kidnapping her was detracting from that, but he was...he was a man obsessed with the idea of fixing his broken reputation with her. Why? He didn’t know. He was a man of science, of business, from worlds of logic but love and obsession defy logic. You can’t plug in an equation to understand why you love someone. That isn’t how it works. And while Stockholm Syndrome might wear Monica down eventually, might earn her his love by offering her no other choice, would he still count that? Lex didn’t know. All he knew was that he was happiest when she was with him, and that justified what he’d done, the unforgivable act that brought him right to the brink of being a super-villain again. He was a good man when he tried, but he couldn’t stand up to what he felt, what he wanted, what he needed most in the world. And how could he tell her? He tried. He bought her gifts, diamonds and pearls and silk dresses; he filled walk-in closets with the finest clothes in the world, anything and everything she could possibly want. He bought her sweets, hired 5 star chefs to cook for her anytime she wanted anything. He bought her exotic pets and bought out the rights to any movies she wanted to see, screening them in their penthouse so she wouldn’t have to leave--but that was the one thing he couldn’t give her. Freedom. He couldn’t let her walk out his door because she took the light with her when she was gone. What put the S on his chest, what gave him hope, what made him super was not the suit and it was not his good deeds.

It was her.

“What can’t wait?” Monica finally snapped, her tongue worse than a whip but Lex was a slave for it all the same. Anytime she spoke to him, it didn’t matter what she said, he hung on every word. She turned from him back to her own beautiful reflection in the spotless mirror, applying her lipstick with a feminine touch. “I know we aren’t leaving the penthouse, so you have...well let’s see, however long you’re planning to keep me here, to ask me whatever stupid ass thing you’ve got to ask.”

She was right, of course. Lex couldn’t let her go, wouldn’t let her go, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she would likely tell all the other superheroes what he’d done. She would ruin his tentative reputation as one of Earth’s Supermen but that wasn’t why he kept her here. That wasn’t why he locked her away in the tallest tower of Metropolis. The reason was far more simple; he loved her and he wanted her to be with him. The problem with that reasoning was that she didn’t believe him. Lex didn’t know if that was because he was terrible at showing his love (he didn’t exactly have an exemplary model to follow, but he felt he did his best) or if the act of kidnapping canceled out every other thing he did. The one thing she wanted, her freedom from him, he couldn’t give her. He’d apologized, holding her stiff, unwilling body at night in the bed he forced them to share. He’d told her over and over again how sorry he was that he couldn’t get her out of his mind, that his love for her was clipping her wings but that he would make it up to her any way he could. She never asked him for anything in those moments and she never said she forgave him, either--but that was okay. Lex took Monica in whatever way he could get her, and after she fell asleep, he pulled her close and buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent and fighting the urge to quietly weep for how badly he wanted her to love him back. Every bone in his body ached for her, and the only time he could have her willingly was when she wasn’t aware he was around.

“I know. I know you want to leave, but...I thought of a compromise.” Lex ventured slowly, tentatively, edging around her distrust of him with affection in his baritone voice.

Monica paused in her lipstick application, her curiosity getting the better of her as she furrowed her brow at him. “A compromise...?”

Lex nodded, crossing the expanse of their massive bedroom to her side. He watched her stiffen, was used to her rejection of him, but he welcomed her closeness and the sweet scent of her perfume. Christ her skin looked softer than rose petals, draped in the blue sapphire silk he’d had imported from Asia just because he wanted to watch it caress down the curve of her spine and reveal tantalizing glimpses of thighs he longed to sink between. Monica was the perfect woman, the only one on this godforsaken planet, and he couldn’t have her, not for all the money or influence or power in the world. She was out of his reach and it was killing him, so that he nearly winced as he sank to one knee in front of her plush vanity chair. She only stiffened further the closer he came.

“I know you don’t believe me when I tell you I love you. I may not be very adept at showing it. I’m still learning to...be a good man.” Lex started, and he deserved the noise of indignation Monica gave him in reply. He accepted it, as he accepted everything else she ever gave him--he treasured all of it, hopeless fool in love that he’d become. “I know you want to leave. I know you still try. I wish I was a good enough man to let you go. That would be the right thing to do. The Clark Kent thing to do. I just...I know if there’s any chance in the world I could be the man I’m meant to be it’s going to be because of you.”

Monica didn’t know where this was going--or maybe she did, but she didn’t want to know. She didn’t know how she felt about the man the world knew as Lex Luthor. It wasn’t just because of his super-villain tendencies and it wasn’t just because of his apparent fixation with the real Superman. She just didn’t know how to feel about the guy, but he sure seemed to know how he felt about her, and that was where her problem with him came. It was easy to be callous to him, to be mean and turn her nose up at all his attempts to make nice with her, because she could fall back on that he’d kidnapped her. Some days when she woke up here in his penthouse she still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that he had, in fact, taken her from her own life and replaced it with his. It might have been...sweet, the way he was so devoted to her. If she snapped her fingers he jumped, asking her what she wanted, what she needed, what he could do to make her happy. Lex wasn’t a submissive man, but Monica had little doubt whatever she asked him to do, he’d do it. He leapt through ridiculous hoops for her simply because she was annoyed with him one particular day, and that was why she had a panda cub. Another day she snapped her fingers and that was why she owned equal share of LexCorp. Monica had Lex wrapped around her little finger and she had to admit, the longer she stayed with him, the more he proved to her that the things he said were true. Lex really believed what he told her, and she hated to admit some of his gestures, both grand and small, were slipping beneath her veil of anger at him.

“Are you proposing to me, Lex?” Monica asked out of the side of her mouth, her small hands folded in her lap. She had one leg crossed over the other, the picture of refined elegance and Lex very much felt like a King at the mercy of his Queen.

“I am, Monica.” Lex slipped the velvet ring box from the breast pocket of his suit jacket, revealing a diamond that could only rightfully be called a rock. It was a show of Lex’s extreme wealth, and it was meant to represent so much more than that upon her finger. “I might...be able to let you out of the penthouse if I know you’ll come back. If I know you’re already mine.”

Monica wanted to smack the ring box out of his hand. She wanted to call him a jackass, an idiot, a fucking moron for thinking she’d ever say she loved him or wanted to be with him. But she didn’t. There was some part of her, unnamed and unexplored, that kept her small hands in her lap, her expensive, manicured nails glinting off the room lights but even they paled in comparison to that ring. A piece of her viewed that ring like the ball and chain some men liked to joke about; she knew it wasn’t a symbol of freedom, it was literally a physical tie from her to Lex. He wasn’t offering her a way out, he was offering her a prettier cage. She should be furious he thought this was a compromise and maybe pat of her was. But there was another part of her that was starting to believe the things he said, the promises of love he thought she didn’t hear. She wasn’t always asleep at night when he told her things, whispered against her ear that he loved her and he didn’t care if she never loved him back--that he would take whatever he could get from her because like a man dying of thirst in the desert she was his oasis. He didn’t care if she wasn’t really his, because he was already hers and would be until the day he died.

Lex would be easier to hate if he was as barbaric with her as he was with everything else in his life, but he wasn’t. Lex treated her like a flower, a lily beneath a glass case that only he could remove. He may have kidnapped her but he didn’t disrespect her. He never violated her, never breached her trust. They shared a bed but he’d never crossed that line she’d drawn in the sand. He bribed her for kisses, traded affection with gifts but she didn’t hold that over his head. How could she? He seemed to come alive when she kissed him, when she let him hold her hand. Monica was angry with Lex for some things but she wasn’t heartless and she couldn’t bring herself to be openly mean to him. Why couldn’t he abuse her? Mishandle her? Treat her poorly so she would have a reason to hate him? No matter what she said, what she did, no matter how she held herself at arm’s length and refused to give him her all, he didn’t cross the line that would allow her to hate him and refuse him forever. Lex proved he loved her by never going to that point of no return. He proved he loved her through actions that were softening her up slowly, like sunlight flooding a garden with a single flower in it. Eventually, no matter how the flower feels, it’s petals will open.

“I’m not...going to take that ring right now.”

Lex felt her rejection and he lowered his gaze, trying to steel his heart from it, but she was the only person who could get beneath the armor he always wore. It hurt, no matter how he’d prepared himself for it. What a fool he’d been, thinking he deserved her. This was what he deserved.

Monica sighed softly. “...Lex, look at me.”

Lex did as she asked. He always did.

“I said right now.” Monica slowly closed the lid on the glittering diamond ring. “You tell me you want to be Superman. You compare yourself to Clark every day and the worst thing you could possibly do is exactly that. You’re not Clark. You’re Superman but you’ll never be Clark Kent.”

“Sweetheart, you can just say no, you don’t have to--”

“I’m not saying this to hurt you.” Monica interrupted Lex’s quiet, defeated tone, and she held her gaze to his steadily. He could see the truth on that beautiful face of hers. “I...know I act like I don’t give a shit about you and how you feel but I do. I see you trying. I believe what you tell me, so I’m going to do you a favor and let you in on a little secret.”

Lex leaned forward subconsciously, even as her fingers found his bow-tie and gave a soft tug. She was so petite in comparison to him that he was able to meet her gaze even on his knee.

“If you want me to love you, be Lex.” Monica’s fingers were taut against Lex’s collar, her painted lips so near his that he was openly trembling with want to claim them. “I’m never going to love you for being a Clark clone, and you don’t want me to. If you want me to marry you, then you’re asking me to be Mrs. Luthor, not Mrs. Kent. Earn it.”

Lex exhaled shakily, his entire being so affected by her closeness that he had to place his large hands on either side of her crossed legs, bracing himself on her chair. This little woman was his entire world and everything in it, and if she wanted a reason to be Mrs. Luthor, well, that he could give her.

It was true, Lex was strong enough to force his ring upon Monica’s finger. He’d forced his way into her life, after all, and he forced her to stay in his life day after day--but the truth was, he didn’t want to have to force her hand in this. This was something he wanted her to give freely, the one thing he didn’t want to look back on and remember he had to force her to do--to become his, to love him as he already loved her. Lex would do what she asked, would give her a reason to love him, to love Lex Luthor, to be proud to wear his ring and say she loved him when she was asked. The fact that she hadn’t thrown the ring in his face or laughed at him was enough to send him over the moon and he shifted, full of need and unable to take the space between them.

“Can...Can I kiss you?”

Monica wanted to hate Lex for that he often asked her permission for affection (not always, sometimes he just couldn’t help himself and the control snapped) but it was one thing that helped endear him to her. She nodded, a little flustered at the raw need in his eyes.

“Good girl, come here,” Lex muttered, a little breathlessly, as his large hand slipped around the nape of her neck and pulled her in for a heated, claiming kiss. He poured his everything into the affection, all his love, his adoration and need, the raw way he wanted her with every fiber of his being. Monica was his world and she would be able to tell with this kiss alone, sealing his promise in a way she would feel long through dinner. He didn’t pull away to deliver it, speaking against her swollen lips. “I’ll earn your yes, I swear.”

The truth was...Monica knew he was right.

#{theme} : for monica #{collection} : 14 days of valentine's #{character} : lex luthor #{ haha i know monica doesn't know how she feels about ol' boy }#{ but i'm a tart and i'm always out to open doors she wants to stay shut }#{ besides i needed someone she'd actually be mad at }#{ he seemed a solid choice lmao }

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neirawrites · 5 years

Text

Five times Adam met Death

The First Meeting

Death didn’t look the way Adam though it would. The image ingrained in his mind, one of a scary, human shaped figure, dressed in all black with satchel in his hand and crimson in his eyes was far from reality. The woman pouring tea in his polka dotted cup was far from what he had imagined.

She could have been in her 60’s; short, plump, with dark skin and a friendly smile; someone's nice grandma who knitted socks and baked awesome cookies. The moment he found her in his kitchen that morning, he knew exactly who she was. How was a mystery, but he did, and, despite her offerings of blueberry muffins, he had never been this terrified in his 18 years on this planet.

"So, I will die today?" he repeated his question, desperate to keep his voice from cracking, like she didn’t already know exactly how he felt. The beads of sweat rolling down his forehead and the sickly green tint of his skin would have been enough of an indicator, even if she wasn’t an all knowing, immortal being.

"No, no, not today sweetheart. In five weeks. Today, a bat will bite you and you will contract rabies. It takes a while for it to kick in." "So, I'll just get vaccinated now that you told me." The smile she gave him was the kind usually reserved for children asking silly questions.

"Oh, sugar, I wish it was that simple. You see, I don't make this offer to everyone, just those who could do far better dead than alive." Adam bit his lip. Even if his heart still threatened to beat itself into oblivion, he didn’t like her tone of voice. He was an adult, not some kid who knew nothing of the world.

"Gee, thanks." he said. She shook her head, still smiling.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. The thing is, my boy, if you die, you will save hundreds of thousands lives. Millions in a long run. Do you think you could do that alive?" she asked.

"What happens if I die?" With every passing moment, the fear that only minutes ago seemed so all encompassing began to dissipate, only to be replaced with something unexpected: curiosity.

"It would be a heartwarming story, if you ask me. Your death would devastate Masha. Such a sweet soul. She really does love you so very much. She would dedicate her life to help others in your name. She already wants to be a doctor, but your death would give her a clear direction. College, med school, specialization in epidemiology. After that, the real fight would begin. A long, ungrateful one, full of ups and downs, tears and blood. But, after 76 years, thousands of lives saved and a Nobel Prize won, the world would be 100% rabies free. All in your honor." she explained. Adam didn’t answer her right away. Her words danced in his brain for a few moments. How did he deserve someone as kind as Masha?

"She would do that? Because of me?" he asked. Death took a sip of chamomile tea.

"Yes. She is a wonderful girl, she really is. So brilliant. She will go places, do great things. All this and you just have to die."

"Easy for you to say that. I’m the one dying." he said, and she nodded in agreement.

"I have to admit, death by rabies is one of the most painful there is. I'm reaping one man just now. He doesn't seem like a happy camper." she admitted. Adam scratched his head in confusion.

"Why didn't he get this deal?" he asked. Death shrugged. All of this was far too common for her to give too much thought to.

"His life was far more significant than his death. You all have some say in the future of the world. Some less, some more. It's rare for someone to be able to change the world almost on their own and even rarer when they get to do that by dying." She explained. He stopped himself from answering immediately. An obvious question came to his mind.

"What happens if I say no?"

"World will continue to roll on; people will die and be born, life as usual. Just more work for me. I do know I will never bother you again. You are supposed to die now. If you don't, I have no business with you anymore. I'm a busy being, my child, and I don’t have the time to nag someone who refused my services."

"So, I become immortal?" he asked. The wheels in his head slowly turned, in the opposite direction of where he wanted them to go, but he lost control of his though long time ago. A bad idea. Even before it fully formed in his mind, he knew that much already.

"For all intents and purposes. You will never age, you won't get hurt. But, you won't be able to interact with what's destined." she added "After 5th of September, we don’t have a matrix for you to follow and you can basically do whatever you want. No destiny, no plans. Just your own free will. But, you won't be able to have children. You will be able to interact with others, but you won’t leave an impact on them. They will remember you, but you will just be someone they know, not someone they truly care about. You will be a bystander of time." A bystander of time. Some part of him knew that mere though should have been enough to bathe him in cold sweat, but in that moment, everything was better than the alternative.

"I can die a horrible death and be the hero or live and be a shadow, but free?" he asked before he could stop himself. Death nodded again. "What happens to Masha? In this version?"

"She will lose her destiny and become something similar. A silent, unchangeable witness of humanity. It’s more difficult to say as we do have bigger plans for her. She could probably do more than you. But, it's hard even for me to know what lies ahead, especially since she will live forever, just like you."

"So, we could be immortal together?" he asked. He and Masha were a couple for 9 months now, ever since his first day at the new high school, where she was the first one to wish him a warm welcome, with a warm smile on her face and a blueberry muffin to sweeten the deal. Ever since that moment, he knew this was the real deal. And last night, with his parents out of town and hers thinking she was at Stacey's, they made love for the first time and Adam was sure, now more than ever, Masha was the one he would spend his life with. But, why settle for just one life?

Death titled her head. Her impossibly dark eyes, overflowing with the wisdom of billions of years, stared at him, able to read every connection the neuron in his brains made, but still caught off guard by the though they came up with.

"Are you really considering this? That is...unusual." she said. Adam barely managed to look at her. She should have been angry, kill him right here and there and them, but when he averted his eyes from a cacti plant on the window sill, he found her still staring, her eyebrows raised high, like a scientist observing an experiment not going the way they planned.

"No one ever choose life?" He searched for an answer that didn’t really matter. She shook her head.

"Oh, no. They did, but usually people go for a nobler rout. When I see something like this could happen, I make this offer that guarantees you a spot in heaven. You would be saving the world, after all." she explained "And most are happy to accept. Living in the world without any purpose drives people crazy. Most can’t handle it for too long. I have seen some say no only to go mad in the matter of few years. The loneliness they face is too much for most to handle. It’s quite sad, to be honest." But Adam wouldn’t be alone. He would have Masha.

"And in that timeline where I die, is she happy?" She frowned for a moment.

"Happy? Happiness is not an emotion that gets a person to eradicate a viral disease on their own. She will have happy times, and she will achieve her goal, but she will never be completely over it. You are her first love now, aren't you? " She had more to say, but Adam interrupted her. He had the answer he needed.

"Dying? Is it painful?" he asked his last question. Death smiled again.

"Dying is a calm and peaceful event. But, the time before you die... Well, my boy, it's not pleasant." she admitted. Too honest. Why couldn’t she sugarcoat it? "But those few weeks of suffering are nothing compared to the entirety of bliss and the impact you will leave on the world. It will be worth it in the end." She made her argument and it was a compelling one indeed.

They both sat in his kitchen in silence, sipping tea. Her aura of calm, collected powerful being permeated the room, but Adam’s thoughts were in a disarray. His brain turned into an inferno, like it was already fighting the virus that would kill him, if he gave it the chance. Die a hero or live forever? If only she hadn’t given him an alternative because the wrong future seemed too appealing to refuse.

Death put down her empty cup.

"So, what will it be?" she asked.

Adam never claimed to be a brave man. In fact, he knew he was a coward like no other. But, he did think himself a good one. Until now. The old lady awaited, her smile reassuring and sincere. It would all be ok, she knew that much, just like he knew the right answer. He really did. It wasn't the one that came out of his mouth.

"I can't go through with it. I'm 18, I can't die. And if Masha will be sad, I can't put her through this." Death stared at him with eyes too wise for this world, eyes that knew everything. In that moment, she knew how it would end.

She knew how full of crap he was. Fear of death was a powerful motivation, but it didn’t force him to make this choice. The opportunity of immortality did. He and Masha could be together, forever, invincible and unchanging. Forever young and free.

"Well, I can't say I expected this. You seemed like a guy who would say yes, but the choice is yours." She didn’t seem mad, only disappointed, like she expected better than this. At least they saw eye to eye in that department. -When you walk Masha back to her house tonight, a bat will fly into her hair and you will try to get it out. It will bite you." she said "If you decide to do the… well, the thing expected from you, just don’t react and I will see you in September. I wish you all the best."

"Adam, who are you talking to?" a female voice asked from the other side of the doors. When he turned around, they opened and a short young woman walked in. When she smiled at him, he knew he made the right decision. Masha, his angel, dressed in his shirt and her dark hair in a messy bun, obviously just woke up. Her smile was all he could ever ask for. And he will get to see it until the end of time.

"Hey, I hope I didn’t wake you up." he said. The chair opposite of him wasn’t empty for long, as Masha took the cup once again full of warm chamomile tea into her light brown hands.

"No, no, you didn’t. I was just worried your parents came home early." she explained.

"Don’t worry, sugar. It’s just us. I made you some muffins. Blueberry, your favorite." he added.

"Oh, my, you are so sweet." she said "I didn’t know you can cook."

"Well, these are my special muffins. You could say they are to die for." He chuckled at his own bad joke.

"I have a feeling I missed something." she said, but didn’t push it and just continued to eat her muffin.

"When you’re done, we need to get to the hospital, if that’s ok with you." he added.

"Why? Is everything alright?" She dropped her muffin and her dark eyes widen in horror. He just smiled.

"Yeah, don’t worry about it.- he assured her -I just thought I should check up on my vaccination plans."

*******************************

Author’s note: This is a pretty old piece I wrote a few years ago (when i was attacked by a dog and developed a bit of hypochondria). I fixed some of the writing issues, but the plot will basically stay the same.

If you are interested, i can publish the rest of it. Let me know if you want to be tagged

Other stories:

Sarajevo winter

WIPs

A Better World

Phantom limb

#writing #writeblr #my writing #short story #original writing #it's my birthday tomorrow #just putting that out there

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tear-her-aus · 5 years

Text

Karma’s a Bitch - pt 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Summary: Closure. That’s what you needed to finally forget that memory of your past. A memory that shaped you into becoming the person you are today. Perhaps you wouldn’t find closure, but instead closure in the form of a boy would find you.

Pairing: Jimin x female reader

WC: 5.5k

Warnings: Low self esteem

A/N: If I’m being honest, I don’t feel really confident with this chapter. Still, I hope you like it. This chapter is longer than usual and it has a little fluff and a lot of Jimin. ;)

Note: Text messages in Italics.

* - * - * - * - *

Part 5

You reached Namjoon’s new apartment and couldn’t help being surprised at how neat it looked. Perhaps it was so clean since he just moved back, you thought. You wished you had an apartment like his, spacious and clean. Entering further into the apartment, Namjoon indicated you to sit in the couch while he prepared some coffee. You waited patiently until he reached the sofa with a tray holding two coffee cups and a plate with cookies. You took one cookie and upon savoring it, you realized it was handmade.

“Wow Namjoon! These cookies are delicious,” you said surprised.

“Oh really?” he laughed embarrassed.

“Yeah! I didn’t remember you could cook. You seemed to have learned some things while being away.” Acknowledging others’ efforts seemed like the right thing to do. Namjoon always tried his best when it had to do with cooking, or house chores in general, so praising him meant a lot to him, and you knew it.

“Well I had to survive by myself, so I guess I had to learn to do one thing or two. Besides, Jin was kind enough to send me some recipes. He literally saved my ass,” he showed a grateful smile.

“I bet he did,” you laughed. “Well, the important thing here is that now you can get married,” you joked.

“Yeah, I guess now I’m a well-prepared man. I just have to look for a girlfriend,” he joked along.

“You are the perfect guy any girl would love to date. I’m still confused as to why you are still single,” you questioned out loud, looking at him with furrowed brows.

“You know…I wonder the same thing about you.” He took a sip of coffee as he got comfortable in the cushions.

“Me? You’ve got to be kidding me,” you looked at him seriously, “You know I’m a disaster,” you stated.

“That’s what you like to make yourself believe, but I’ve known you for 5 years now and you are more than what you give yourself credit,” he confessed sincerely.

“I’m really touched you think so kindly of me Namjoon, but you know why I’m single.” You wanted this conversation to end; it was only triggering hurtful memories that you were trying to forget.

“Actually, I don’t. Why don’t you explain yourself?” He moved forward in the couch and placed his cup on the coffee table.

“We have talked about this. Remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah, I do. You auto-sabotaged your relationship. That’s what happened.” Damn. That was way too forward.

“It wasn’t like that. I had to let him go, Namjoon. He was too good for me, a literal sunshine, and me? I was a liability. I still can’t understand how I got hold of such an amazing man.”

“And he probably thought how he got hold of such a wonderful woman,” he added to your sentence. “He still loves you, you know?” he tentatively continued.

“I know, and I love him too, dearly…but I knew of his dream, and I didn’t want to become an obstacle for him.”

“There’s something called long-distance relationships, you know?” he said sarcastically.

“I know, but I wanted him to be as free as he could be, and maybe…that way he could find someone that actually deserved him,” you let the painful words out. It didn’t hurt as much as it did before, but healing was a long process. You still loved him, but you knew that letting him go was the best decision you could have made.

“You deserved each other, Y/N. Don’t think less of yourself. Maybe you two were different, but that’s what made you compatible,” Namjoon argued. You wanted to believe him so badly, but you were a little skeptical still.

“Yeah, perhaps you are right. We were and are still compatible. Even though we broke up, we are still close to each other, so I guess we didn’t lose each other at the end,” you said with a tender smile.

“I’m happy to hear that, but Y/N,” he said, making you look up at him, “it’s also important not lose yourself.”

* - * - * - * - *

You woke up to another day of the same routine. Getting in the shower, you thought back about your conversation with Namjoon and realized what he meant with his words. He truly was a wise man who could easily look into your words and make out the hidden message, the truth untold. He understood you through out, and that’s why he was one of your closest friends. Even though you didn’t say it directly, he got to figure out why you let go of your ex without a fight. It wasn’t lack of love for him, but lack of love for yourself. There is some truth in the words “How can you love someone if you don’t love yourself?” since no matter how much a person loves you, you can’t give your all to them if you are not complete. Not loving yourself meant fearing that the person you love will leave you at the end, and it is all being fulfilled by a constant feeling of never being enough. For some reason, those thoughts brought into your mind the image of Jimin. You haven’t seen him in two days and yet you somehow… missed him? You knew you had to be careful with your feelings, thinking that you didn’t want to repeat the same cycle. Breaking your thoughts, you realized that you took more than usual showering, so you hurried up to get ready to leave your house.

You wondered if you would be able to see Jimin today, and reaching the third floor of the gym, you smiled upon spotting him at a treadmill.

“Hi!” you said

“Hey!” he said back while decreasing the treadmill’s velocity until reaching to zero.

“I didn’t see you yesterday.”

“Oh yeah… I didn’t see you either. Maybe it has to do with me being a little too late?” he said, somewhat implying something?

“Yeah makes sense,” you nodded, “I looked for you, but since I couldn’t find you, I decided to train on my own. Then I spotted Jungkook and he offered to train together,” you explained the events of the previous day.

“Oh, I see…so how was it?”

“Well, we did some functional, so it was pretty intense. But I enjoyed it a lot,”

“Yeah, I can imagine…”

“So, what are you doing today?” you said, curious about his routine and trying to figure if you could work out together once again.

“Today?” he paused for a second, considering something, “I’m asking a beautiful girl out,” he said, looking up directly into your eyes. You looked at him somehow surprised by his answer and tried to hide the sadness in your voice.

“Oh really? Who?” you asked even though you didn’t want to know.

“Oh, you know, this girl I met several weeks ago and whom I developed a crush on,” he paused, “She’s here right now, by the way.”

“Oh, she is?” you said looking around.

“Look, right there,” he said while pointing to mirror wall at the far end of the cardio room where there were a few stationary bicycles. You looked around that area, but no one was there, so you looked at him again and said, “No one’s there.”

“What do you mean there’s no one? Look carefully,” he said while holding your shoulders to turn you around once again. “There are two people actually. Me and the girl I’m currently asking out,” he said smiling. Upon realizing what he meant, you turned around to see if he was joking, but once again the sincerity in his eyes told you this was no joke.

“Me?” you couldn’t help but ask. He simply nodded while he waited for an answer.

“You want to date me?” You were incredulous. Never in a billion years would you expect this.

“You sound surprised,” he asked confused while a small laugh escaped his lips.

“Well, yeah…”

“So?” he asked, eager for an answer.

You blushed unsure of what to say. Your head was telling you not to engage, but your heart was telling you otherwise. Seeing the expectation in his eyes was too much, you couldn’t say no to him, so without thinking it twice, you answered him.

“I would love to go out with you, Jimin,” you smiled shyly. If something could kill you in an instant, it would be Jimin’s current smile. It literally reached his eyes- as well as your heart.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he looked down out of bashfulness, “So, umm, can I have your number?” he said while giving you his phone.

“Sure,” you said taking it and adding your number before returning it to him.

“I’ll text you the details of the date, but first things first. When are you free?”

“Um… On week days, I usually train in the mornings and go to college in the evenings, but I’m free about four o’clock every day. I’m also free on weekends.”

“What about today?” he asked hopeful.

“Today…sounds perfect,” you smiled.

“Well, being that said, why don’t we go train?”

“Sure, let me just do some cardio before we start.”

“Okay, see you downstairs?”

“Yeah”

With that Jimin started walking towards the staircase, but not without looking back at you with a smile on his face.

* - * - * - * - *

Finishing your training with Jimin, you left with a warmness in your heart you hadn’t felt in quite some time. Despite your happiness, you felt yourself get nervous- anxious even. You knew you had liked Jimin since the moment he helped you that day. Not only his kindness was what called your attention, but there was something about his sincerity. Although he looked like the typical guy who could break your heart, something about him told you he wouldn’t. You couldn’t say you knew him well enough to assure that, but sometimes a simple connection with a person makes your heart believe things that your mind wouldn’t. Entering your class, you wondered how you would concentrate, having all these feelings attacking you- not to mention the constant image of Jimin's eye smile popping in your head. It’s a given that you couldn’t concentrate at all in your classes, and you thought of blaming Jimin if you failed, but off course that included the fact of you two getting closer. Not only were your thoughts affecting your concentration, but your phone was a constant distraction as well. You kept looking at it every now and then waiting for a text from him. It was exciting, this thing called dating, even though you didn’t want to admit it to yourself.

The class was about to finish when a text got your attention. Hi! It´s Jimin. You didn’t know why but you wanted to annoy him just a little bit as payback for your thoughts being clouded by him.

Jimin? I don’t think I know anyone with that name. Not a second passed before you got your reply.

Jimin: What? Isn’t this Y/N’s number?

You let the text sit unread for a few minutes with a playful smile on your face. You couldn’t help but imagine his panicked face, and it made you snicker to yourself.

Y/N: Y/N? I think you got the wrong number.

Jimin: Really? Oh, I’m sorry.

Y/N: I wonder what your reaction might be.

Jimin: Excuse me?

Y/N: I imagine you thinking “What? Has she giving me the wrong number to avoid me?” and later, “why would she do that?”

Jimin: This is getting weird. I’m ending the conversation, sorry.

You panicked thinking you brought the prank way too far.

Y/N: Wait! This IS Y/N. I was just playing a little bit.

Jimin: I don’t believe you. Prove it.

Y/N: How?

Jimin: Send a selfie.

Y/N: Is that really necessary?

Jimin: See? I knew you weren’t her. Bye.

Y/N: Wait! Okay, I’ll send it!

Just in time, the class finished, so you hurried outside to take the selfie. You didn’t want to look weird doing it in the middle of the hall, so you decided to look for a less public place. Going to the nearest green area, you lifted your phone upwards to avoid your double chin getting in the picture. It took you about three times until you got the perfect shot in which thanks to the sunset your eyes got the perfect illumination, giving it a lighter shade than what they usually are. Not thinking too much about it, you attached the selfie and send it to Jimin with a “Happy?” text to it.

A few minutes later you got a reply. How couldn’t I be happy looking at such a beautiful picture?

You blushed at his remark. Did he do this on purpose? Well, you couldn’t blame him since you were the one who started playing with him first. Still, you didn’t know how to answer him, so you decided on acting like you didn’t know what he meant.

Y/N: Well, yeah. The sunset really looks beautiful, doesn’t it?

Jimin: I believe there’s something that shines with more beauty than the sunset.

Why was he acting like this? You couldn’t take compliments. You just didn’t know how to. Thinking in changing topics, you did just that. I just finished class. Um… where should we meet?

Jimin: I will pick you up. I’m already on campus. Where are you exactly?

Y/N: I’m near the students’ cafeteria, near the main entrance.

Jimin: Great! See you soon.

Y/N: How did you know where I studied though?

You didn’t get a reply from Jimin and instead heard a honk. Looking up, you saw Jimin get out of the car and approach you.

“Hey!” he greeted.

“Hi!” you said back while being unable to look elsewhere but at him. He looked so handsome wearing normal clothes instead of gym clothes. It gave him an air of innocence that matched the sincerity that he usually showed you. He literally looked like the perfect guy to introduce as your boyfriend to your parents. He wasn’t neither too formal nor too casual, just the perfect combination of fashion. Oh, you had a thing for boys who knew how to dress, and this boy was doing some serious damage to you at the moment. He was wearing all black: a pair of black skinny jeans, a slim black shirt, a black leather belt, and a pair of black boots. The only contrast to his black outfit was his beige cardigan which had stars as a design as well as buttons. Even though you couldn’t imagine a boy wearing a stars’ sweater and looking good, he somehow managed to look not only handsome but also a little cute. Now you felt too self-conscious of your outfit. You chose a plain light pink dress, thinking it would give you a sense of being feminine. Usually, you were used to wear skinny jeans or just colored pants, but the thing about wearing a dress is that it somehow gave you a feeling of being cute. You didn’t know why you wanted to feel cute, but you did, and so you chose that dress. Feeling a little insecure of your wardrobe choice, you looked down at your white sneakers and felt even worse. Why did you choose sneakers? You probably thought they were the comfortable choice but not the most pretty to match with a dress. Hearing Jimin’s voice again, you looked up.

“Wow”

“What?” you asked confused.

“You look beautiful,” he paused, taking you in, “Even though I got a spoiler from the selfie, I must say you look even better in person.”

“Oh… thank you,” you couldn’t help but say. Trying to get the attention away from you, you decided to compliment him as well. “You look pretty good yourself.”

“Oh…umm, thanks… We... should get going,” he said unable to hide the evident blush on his face. You were glad you weren’t the only one being affected by compliments. He guided you into his car, opened the door for you, and let you in the passenger’s seat. Then, he got into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine.

“Where are we going?” you asked out of curiosity.

“That’s what I would like to know. Where would you like to go?”

“Me? I don’t know…Aren’t you supposed to pick a destination?”

“No, since I want to go to a place you would enjoy. So where are we heading to?”

“Um… well the day seems clear today,” you stated, “maybe an attraction park?”

“An attraction park it is then!”

With that, he drove to the next destination: an attraction park- or was it a place closer to your heart?

* - * - * - * - *

You haven’t been in an attraction park since you were 12, so heading towards it once again, gave you the same emotions you had back then. Most people would think it was a cliché to go to an attraction park date, yet for you it would be a new experience. Most guys you’ve dated had never asked you where you would’ve liked to go on a date- except for your most recent ex, but he was another story. Arriving at your current location made you feel excited yet scared at the same time. You used to like going on different attractions when you were younger, but realizing you were on a date made you a little self-conscious. What if he didn’t like riding attractions? Or even worse! What if you didn’t enjoy riding attractions anymore? Jimin would definitely think you are annoying for picking a destination you didn’t actually enjoy. Thinking of the worst-case scenarios, you got out of Jimin’s car and tried to put your best smile on. He got out as well while checking his phone. You lowkey wondered if he was already bored with your company. Looking up from his phone, he said, “You told me.”

You were lost as to what he was saying to you, “What?”

“The text you send me about how I knew where you studied… you told me so,” he explained, putting his phone back in his pocket.

Realization hit you, making you remember the last text you sent him before he picked you up. You thought back on the moment you could have told him and remembered a conversation you had probably a month ago when you two were just getting to know each other.

“Oh…I didn’t think you would remember, even I didn’t remember telling you that,” you admitted. It surprised you how Jimin could remember such an unimportant piece of information.

“Well I try to remember the important stuff,” he smiled that beautiful smile once again.

“I see,” was the only thing you managed to say, feeling flustered once again. How did he managed to make you feel so flustered all the time? It was a blessing or perhaps a curse, you didn’t know yet. Without saying anything, Jimin took your hand in his and guided you into the park. With a simple touch, he ignited you into fire. If he was someone else, you would have taken your hand away as fast as possible, but his touch was so gentle, as gentle as his features, his voice, and his smile. How can a person look so angelic yet so dangerous at the same time? Jimin was a concept of men you have never tried, and you were eager to take a deeper taste of the layers that represented this man. Focusing in his hand on yours, you smiled at how confident you felt, at how protected he made you feel. Jimin stopped, looking at you once again and asked you what you would like to ride first.

“Since I picked the place, you pick the first ride,” you told him, not sure what to ride since you haven’t been here in a long time.

“We just arrived, so let’s not get into the scary ones at first. Hum…what about Bumper boats?”

“Sounds fun! Let’s go!” you said excitedly.

Never letting go out of your hand, Jimin and you went straight to the lake where several boats were being filled by excited people. Waiting a few minutes until your turn arrived, you realized it was a really hot day. You were glad you applied some sunscreen before leaving your house, yet it wasn’t enough to cover your eyes from the intense sun rays. You were squinting your eyes when Jimin’s hand rose to shelter your eyes. He was looking directly at you, and you couldn’t tell if he was doing this as a “classic” move to do on a date or as an action driven by some sort of concern.

Being your turn to get on the boat, Jimin dropped his hand and helped you get in your shared boat. You got on the passenger seat, giving space for Jimin to seat on the driver’s seat. Your ride began relaxingly, yet moments later it was a war between you and a pair of kids that were constantly bumping your boat.

“I try to be a gentleman most of the time, but these kids don’t apply for my manners,” Jimin said with a daring look.

“Oh, lets destroy them,” you said with a look similar to his. With your camaraderie secured, Jimin got hold of the steering wheel with a fixed look and went over to bump into the kids’ boat. They looked somewhat surprised, yet seconds later a chase began between their boat and yours. All four of you were having the times of your life, and although two of you weren’t kids, you were feeling like one. Once the time was up, you got out of the boat and headed to several other rides. As Jimin instructed, you first rode the easy-going rides before heading into the stronger ones. One of your favorites was the carousel since it brought you memories from when you were a little girl. It used to be your favorite ride since it gave you a sense of being a princess riding her beautiful horse. You asked Jimin to ride in with you, but he told you to ride it while he got some drinks. At first you didn’t want to do it because it might seem childish, but Jimin encouraged you to do it.

Getting in one of the white horses, the ride started. While it moved up and down you looked at the landscape in front of you. It truly was a beautiful scenery, and you wished the day never ended. Looking the other way, your eyes got stuck in the mirror that surrounded the center of the carousel. Once again, it brought you memories of your childhood, but not the type of memories you’ll like to remember. Decided not to let that moment ruin your day, you looked towards the landscape once again. This time, you spotted Jimin, who was holding two smoothies from the look of it. He had a certain look on his face you couldn’t figure out. Waving at him out of excitement, he smiled at you, and you continued enjoying your ride until it stopped. You walked towards Jimin, and he handed you one of the smoothies. Both of you decided to sit down on a bench that was near you while silently enjoying your smoothie. Looking at different beautiful things, you smiled while enjoying your beverage until you looked once again at Jimin. He seemed to be enjoying the view as well, so you decided not to interrupt him and continued sightseeing. Some people would think it would be awkward to just sit and drink a smoothie without starting a conversation, but it wasn’t like that at all. Sometimes people don’t need to talk in order to enjoy others’ company. That’s how it felt to be with Jimin. A sense of comfortability and perhaps… happiness? This was one of those moments in life where you would feel truly happy yet wouldn’t know about it until time has passed, and you would smile tenderly upon recalling the memory.

* - * - * - * - *

Jimin couldn’t be more excited. He wasn’t sure if it was the whole attraction park aura or the fact that he was spending some quality time with someone he liked. So far, he had enjoyed every little second and every small smile he got from her. There were a lot of attractions, so he proposed on getting on the softer ones first since he wanted to enjoy the best he could before his weak stomach decided otherwise. Y/N didn’t seem to mind and actually supported his request, making him feel relieved at some point. This was a good plan. Who said you had to ride all the scary attractions in order to have fun? The only thing you need to have a pleasant time is someone beside you sharing memories with you. It’s a plus if that person is someone you like. Spending time with Y/N made him want to treasure every minute he got to spend with her. He has had past girlfriends which he certainly had dates with, yet none of those memories compare to this moment. He has liked them, he couldn’t deny it, but it was mostly superficial. With Y/N there was a desire of wanting to know more, of unfolding all the petals till reaching its heart.

Jimin decided to go for something to drink, yet Y/N seemed to want to ride the carousel. Telling her his intentions, she offered to accompany him, yet he insisted she rides the carousel while he bought something to drink. At first, she seemed reluctant, but he managed to convince her. Seeing her get in the line for the attraction, he saw it as he cue to go for the drinks. It didn’t take long before he got his order, and wanting to meet Y/N again, he neared the carousel once again. That was the moment he wanted to treasure the most. Y/N was fixed looking at the landscape with awe. She was smiling one of those smiles that you don’t know you are showing and only a bystander can be able to enjoy from afar. Jimin was that bystander looking at her; she was smiling to herself without knowing that he too was awed by seeing the most beautiful view. The carousel gave another turn, eclipsing his view of Y/N. Once again, the carousel turned towards him and he noticed her seeing the other way, towards the mirror of the carousel. In a flash, she turned her head towards him and spotted him, giving him a wave while smiling. He attempted to wave back with one of the smoothies in his hand, yet only managed to move his hand slightly since he didn’t want to spill the drink.

Soon enough, the ride ended, and Y/N approached him. Giving her one of the smoothies, they seated on a bench near the carousel and started drinking it while staring at the landscape. Well, at least that was what she was doing. Jimin kept looking at her, wanting to see that smile he saw earlier again. Sensing she was going to look his way, he turned his head the other way, trying to avoid being caught. Faking being absorbed by the view, he continued with his pretense until he sensed she looked away. Counting a few seconds, he looked once again at her. This time, she looked at him as well and smiled. How could a simple smile be so different from all the others he has seen so far? He wasn’t sure what this smile was telling him, but Jimin had always being able to read people’s emotions rather easily, and right know that smile meant happiness. He smiled too, being happy as well. It was getting a little late, considering they arrived late in the first place, so he offered if she wanted to ride something else before they left. She told him she had wanted to ride the Ferris wheel when she was a little girl but wasn’t able since she was too scared back then. Jimin couldn’t contain his smirk upon her mentioning the Ferris wheel since it was a cliché for couples to ride it as a way to wish to stay together. Perhaps they weren’t a couple yet, but it sure felt- or maybe he wished- like they were going to stay together for a long time.

Walking side by side towards the Ferris wheel after disposing of their smoothies’ cups, Jimin couldn’t contain himself from holding her hand again. It was warm despite the chilly air that announced autumn. Letting go of her hand for a second, he took his stars’ sweater and placed it gently on her shoulders. She seemed surprised by his action and tried to give it back, stating he might be cold as well. Denying it, Jimin held her hand once again and kept walking towards their last attraction. Surely, there were several couples lining up, and he looked at her to see if she realized what this meant for so many- him included. She seemed unbothered by the couples and only focused on the moving Ferris Wheel. In a few minutes, they got in one of the cars and since it was a little small, they were sitting closely together. The wheel started moving and soon enough they were rising towards the top. At first, she was fixed in looking at the beautiful night view that was able to be seen from that altitude, yet Jimin was only fixed on her, seeing that smile reappear on her face once again. He was mesmerized, to say the least, by her beauty, but not just by her physical beauty, but the beauty he started to see in her once he actually got to know her. Maybe Taehyung was right; perhaps he had already fallen for this girl.

His thoughts were interrupted when out of nowhere she looked at him. He waited for her smile to disappear, but it didn’t. It made him think that maybe she too was fascinated with the person in front of her. Unable to control his desires anymore, he slowly took her left hand in his, and delicately placed his right hand on her cheek. Not even a second did her eyes left his when they were asking silently for permission. Seeing her previous smile transform into the other one he saw when they were drinking smoothies, Jimin knew what the answer was. Caressing her cheek with his thumb, he slowly moved closer to her. He moved so close that his lips were just a breath apart from hers. A breath he had been containing since she gave him that smile that froze time itself. Now he too gave her that smile, making time take its course again, and breathing again, he planted his lips gently on hers, taking in every texture he felt from her soft lips. Fire running through his veins, he deepened the kiss, getting a whole new taste from her lips. It was a contrast from the innocent kiss he started, getting too deep in her lips to think of getting out again. Been breathless once again, he parted from her. She granted him one of her “happy” smiles before pecking him on the lips with a teasing sound. If the ride hadn’t ended at that precise moment, he would have hold her in his arms and attacked her with kisses until she saw no tomorrow.

Getting out of the car hand in hand, they went for his car since it was already too late to ride anything else. Before driving Y/N home, Jimin decided to stop at a cozy-looking restaurant that was on the way. They enjoyed a delicious and warm meal accompanied with fluid and enjoyable conversation. Jimin had enjoyed the no-talking back at the attractions park but listening to her was ten-thousands better. Her voice being a melody which he wanted to be surrounded with for a long time. Once they finished dinner, he drove her home with her guiding him all the way there. He got out first to hold the car door for her once again, and she stepped out glamorously.

“So,” she started “I had fun today… thank you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you for this precious day.” He couldn’t look away. The moon created the perfect lightning to surround her in the dark night.

She looked sideways and seemed to notice something. “I should give your cardigan back,” she said while taking it from her shoulders.

“No, it’s still cold out here,” he said while placing it again on her shoulders.

“But…”

“Give it to me next time,” he interrupted her quickly. If he had to be honest, he wanted an excuse to see her again.

“Next time?” she said, looking up at him with expectation in her eyes.

“Yeah. What about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow sounds perfect,” she smiled.

Ushering her to go inside, she turned around but didn’t start walking. Jimin was about to ask her if something was wrong when she suddenly turned around and getting on her toes, she quickly pecked his lips. Before he could react, she wished him goodnight and ran towards the door of her building. Smiling to himself, Jimin saw her go inside before turning to his car and thinking about the future encounters he would get to share with the smiling girl.

A/N: This series will probably be a little long, but I hope you stick to it since we are close to finding out some important pieces of Y/N’s past.

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sparklyjojos · 5 years

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--[Disco Wednesdayyy 24/?] The brave new world is made out of closed rooms, or are we really switching the genre over 1000 pages into the book? Okay then. [tw: csa, child abuse, brief gore]--

Last time, Disco arrived at the World’s End, accidentally jumped to the year 2019, and discovered that a company called Styron Japan built themselves a nice new skyscraper in Chofu. As soon as Disco enters the building, a bunch of company vicepresidents introduce themselves and tell him JJ Styron is already waiting. Judging by their quick explanations, JJ naturalized himself through marriage with a Japanese woman and was planning on spreading his influence to Japan.

JJ welcomes Disco with tea and sweets and says he’s been awaiting this visit for years. He looks startingly young for his 38 years, but asked about it claims he’s just taking good care of himself, since it’s not like he can jump in time or something, haha! Already unsettled, Disco asks about Sharon Styron’s death.

“Ah, yes, she’s dead.” JJ answers casually. “I killed her. Drugged her so she couldn’t move and cut her to pieces while she was still conscious.”

“...Why?”

“Why? Because she betrayed me, of course! The only thing she cared about was protecting you. I’ve been trying to find you and your family, and she refused to give me any information. She claimed you were an orphan.” So she must have sincerely believed the lies Disco told her about his identity... “Well, but it turns out she wasn’t lying... Mr. William Eady.”

Completely confused, Disco looks at the documents JJ shows him. A birth certificate. ‘William Eady’, ‘orphan’, a slightly different day of birth, ‘St. Paul’s Church in New York’ as the place he was found in. Everything exactly like in the made up story he told Sharon. ...If emotions can take external shape, can imagination, fiction? But then Disco notices the documents were ‘found’ by the law office in which the real William Eady is employed, so it’s likely that the lawyer forged the certificate to protect Disco.

“What were you going to do to me when you found me?”

“Kill you, if you went in my way. But now that the company is big enough to no longer be threatened by you, I don’t really care. And you know what? I can’t help but feel deep respect for you for doing your best to solve the mystery. Which is why I’d love for you to become the sales promoter for our wonderful Kozue Method! I can vouch for its effectiveness -- why, I’m my company’s client as well, and look how youthful I am. Well, my body is physically 11, haha!”

He spreads a variety of pamphlets on the table.

“You’ve heard about using stem cells acquired from clones to grow organs and such, have you? The Kozue Method is bolder! You can exchange the entire body at once! It’s perfectly possible, since the personality of a person is tied to consciousness, and not their physical body. Of course, we cooperate with the Blackswan company, who’s the patent holder for the Main Child treatment and for thouroughly preparing the Jacket, that is, the vessel Sub Child. It’s the single greatest development in the world’s history, and it’s all thanks to you, Disco!”

The Kozue Method involves the following procedure. The client -- the Main Child -- is given horrible abuse, so just like it was with Kozue parts of themselves split off and take over fetuses still in the womb, pushing the original souls out. These split off parts -- the Sub Children -- are born and raised, then mysteriously disappear one day, and the empty bodies (the ‘Jackets’, as JJ calls them) are used as new vessels for the Main Child.

That’s not all. From what JJ says, it seems the global consciousness, humanity’s emotions and will, can now be curated -- after all, there’s a way to get negative emotions and violent thoughts quite literally out of you, and apparently resentment will vanish with ‘split personalities’ too. This resulted in a clean, shiny, perfectly peaceful world with apparently zero creativity, to the point that no new fictional media is really made. [I’m... honestly confused as to how this exactly works, especially considering some later parts. Maybe JJ is just overexaggerating.]

“It really is all thanks to you! You found Kozue and the six others, managed to connect them back together, and the news spread all over the world. You’re a hero, Disco!”

“...How many kids did you... did you sell?”

“In the last 10 years it’d be, hm, two hundred millions? Now, now, I understand you have reservations. There’s a little guilt involved, but it’s not like people don’t live with many little guilts on their backs anyway. We’re improving the procedures, too! We already established that sexual abuse makes the job done the quickest, and hey, the faster it is, the shorter it hurts! The kid will just forget it anyway. The Blackswan guys are true specialists, they can do a lot in just one tiny moment. In a single second the child gets, what did you call it? ‘Abuse’, and in the next, the memory has already been moved to the other personality. It’s good that the parents don’t have to see it, since nobody likes to live thinking their children are being hurt.”

Blackswan. The company’s logo on the pamphlets looks familiar.

[The name Blackswan (or Black Swan? I’m not sure of the spelling here) may be a reference to Project Bluebird, which -- at least according to all the conspiracy websites out there -- involved among other unethical experiments trying to induce DID in healthy subjects.]

“You may think: what about the parents of the Sub Children?” JJ continues. “Aren’t they angry? Here’s where one of our big achievements comes into play. You’ve heard about the vanishing twin phenomenon, right? Of course you have, you met Daibakusho Curry. It happens a lot in nature. The strongest survives. What we’re doing here is just giving the poor weak kids a chance! We retrieve and raise them, so they can get a go at living before... being reused.”

How can this future be avoided?, Disco thinks. Is the Black Bird Man involved? Maybe if Disco finds and defeats him, all this can be fixed. But no, he can’t change the future in any way... so what can he do? Find children. Somehow protect the Main Children from abuse, so this entire system breaks. So twins no longer vanish, just like he promised to Run Run -- oh God, if Run Run can speak and act like a human, does this mean...?

Disco asks JJ if Run Run was a victim of their experiments too (maybe they tried to transfer human souls into animal bodies at first?), but JJ seems to genuinely have no idea what he’s talking about.

“Ah, whatever,” JJ says, waving his hand. “You don’t seem convinced, and I’ll forget everything that happened here anyway once you leave.”

But before Disco can actually leave, JJ turns on a futuristic screen and shows him a documentary called LAMIA SYNDROME (2019), sponsored among other by Styron Japan. “Just so you know I’m not lying to you,” JJ says.

The documentary states that 4- to 8-year-old children have been disappearing all over the world since autumn 2006 in a phenomenon called Lamia Syndrome. A few parents talk about how their children suddenly vanished even under close supervision. We see a recording from a mall security camera showing a little girl holding her grandfather’s hand one second and disappearing the next. The footage is then repeated frame by frame. Just before the girl vanishes, another man shows up in the frame.

It’s not the Black Bird Man.

It’s future ‘Disco’. He looks around sixty and seems very happy about something. Looking straight into the camera, he gives it a thumbs up, and with the other hand holds up a sign with a single sentence:

THE WORLD IS MADE OUT OF CLOSED ROOMS

The documentary has a literary critic explain that “this is the title of Ehimegawa Juuzou’s 1996 novel, the 7th book in the Runbaba series. In it, a criminal called the Locked Room Billionaire announces that he’s going to kill a billion people in locked room situations in just ten years. Even if people may try to avoid going inside buildings or returning home, they’re nevertheless trapped in the locked rooms of their own fear.”

[Lore note: this is not even remotely what Maijo’s 2002 novel The World is Made out of Closed Rooms is about. Instead, it seems to be a combination of Seiryoin’s Cosmic and Carnival, with the main villain’s name and modus operandi being a mix of the Locked Room Lord and the Billion Killer. 1996 is when Cosmic was first released, too. I honestly wonder how different JDC is in Disco-verse if Mitamura could get away with this.]

“The crowded mall situation seems similar to one from the book,” the critic continues, “although there’s no proof that the same locked room trick was used. This time, there’s just an evil man at work. He seems similar in looks to Disco Wednesdayyy, a detective and one of the 31 people who disappeared in the Pine House case, which concerned Ehimegawa Juuzou’s death. The same man was involved in finding Yamagishi Kozue, the origin of the Kozue Method. Closed Rooms predicted our current situation in which children are sent to shelters in order to protect them from the Lamia Syndrome. Maybe by using the book’s title, the man is trying to say that he, a great detective, will eventually open the locked room... that is, bust open the shelters and kidnap the children.”

(Disco’s like, no, no, I’m not even a great detective, I’m a hardboiled detective! I don’t know shit about locked room tricks! I haven’t even read Mitamura’s books! [You know, you probably should, Mitamura seems to have put a lot of useful hints in those.] And all this must be a mistake, it’s not like I’d ever start kidnapping children... right?)

The documentary then shows an interview with the only survivor of the Pine House -- Dezuumi Style, now much older, who isn’t sure whether the man in the photo really is his friend Disco Wednesdayyy (and aw, he really refers to Disco as his friend, even if they hardly ever talked). From the interview we learn that this new world doesn’t need writers or great detectives anymore; no locked room murders or tricky false alibi cases or anything similar ever happens anymore. Dezuumi believes that ‘Disco’s’ Closed Rooms message is sarcastic, to show that “in a stiff world without different points of view or creativity, instead of people being closed in locked rooms in mystery novels, it’s now human emotions, ideas and values that are closed in new locked rooms...”

“But isn’t it right to stop the unwanted thoughts and focus on the useful ones?” the interviewer asks.

“No. People should be always thinking about new topics and coming up with new inventions. They should dare to break things. Trying to keep everyone’s thoughts perfectly ordered is terrorism.”

Next, the documentary shows Iwasaki Kousuke, the taxi driver from Nishi Akatsuki, who also isn’t sure if that’s Disco in the photo. When the interviewer brings up that Iwasaki’s family defeated cancer thanks to Kozue Method and that the idea of ‘a lifespan’ may soon be irrelevant to humanity, Iwasaki says that he’s still not sure if that’s a good thing. Death is a fact of life, after all, and we should be grateful for happiness and sadness.

The documentary then says the whoever the mysterious man is, he has kidnapped close to three hundred million children since 2006...

JJ stops the movie, saying that what he wanted Disco to see is that there really is only a tiny group of people in Japan standing against him, and the rest of the world is pretty much his. “But do you understand now why I have respect for you? Three hundred millions! For the first two years, we could hardly ever find the kids, since you hid the majority of them! I thought that maybe killing your family would lure you out, but that plan didn’t work out... and it’s not like the Blackswan guys haven’t already killed you seven times.” The time fold effects must have protected Disco from permanently dying in the future.

Three hundred million kids?! That’s be over 60 000 a day! You’d need an entire organization of space-jumpers to pull off something like this... or thirty one people from the Pine House. Did ‘Mercury C’ prevent everyone from leaving because they were meant to form a group, and their mysterious disappearance meant they simply moved to the shadows? Have the others spent years and years helping him hide the kids from Styron and recruit new space-jumpers?...

But where do you even hide three hundred million kids? They could probably warp any small space to accomodate even that number, and since they could jump in time they’d just make it so a child stays there for merely a second before it’s returned to their parents once the world becomes safe. But would they ever return them, considering that Styron won the battle for the world?...

Disco asks if JJ hurt the families of Disco’s accomplices, to which JJ claims he wanted to take down Disco first, so he didn’t bother yet. But anyway, JJ really wants Disco to stop this whole children kidnapping thing, because can’t Disco see how much the parents are hurt by his actions~? [You’re one to talk, buddy.] He resumes the documentary to show one last scene.

19-year-old Kozue says she’s not sure if the man in the photo is Disco. “I feel sympathy for the affected parents, and I think it'd be best to return the kids to them. The Disco I knew wouldn't do something horrible like that. Are you sure it's not someone else?” Then, as she’s leaving the shot, she looks back at the camera and yells that maybe it’d be better if she had never gotten involved with Disco at all.

The documentary ends by stating that the global birth rate is drastically falling, since women are afraid to bring children into the world in which the Lamia Syndrome runs rampant. It’s predicted that by 2080 the human race will stop procreating except for the purpose of prolonging their immortal lives.

“See? If you keep going, you’ll be the one responsible for the destruction of the human race,” JJ says. “Don’t you feel bad about it?”

But all Disco answers with is “Thank you for the movie, JJ. It was quite illuminating.”

“Huh? That’s not just some movie, that’s reality! Don’t you feel bad? Angry?”

“Not really. All it did was prove me that I’m right. Have you ever seen the kanji for ‘lifespan’ (寿命)? The first one (寿) may mean ‘congratulations’, ‘celebration’, ‘being happy with life’. There would be nothing to ‘celebrate’ if there wasn’t a finite ‘lifespan’. You really aren’t naturalized yet if you don’t get it. Japanese people understand why there would be no charm in making sakura trees bloom all year long.”

“Well, clearly Japanese people are mistaken. You can’t look at kamikaze pilots and tell me there’s nothing wrong with their heads!”

“You really don’t get sacrifices for a great cause, JJ. While kamikaze sacrificed their lives, they yelled ‘banzai’, which means ‘ten thousand years of life’. Not death, but life. You saw me smile in that photo in the documentary, did you? That smile is my banzai. If the future can’t be changed, then all this movie proves is that my future is bright: every single day spent fulfilled as I’m protecting children.”

As Disco sets to leave (again), JJ pulls out his last trump card and calls his Japanese wife to the room.

It’s Norma Brown. Or rather, Fuyuno Norma Brown. JJ’s new name is apparently Fuyuno Shinji.

Norma is overjoyed to see Disco and sweeps him in a hug, saying that she’s been looking for him all this time. She’s different than he remembers. Sure, she has the same personality, but she looks Japanese, which overall makes her the spitting image of Norma-faced Koeda.

“Do you not like this body of mine, Disco?” she asks seeing his reaction. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t obtained from some poor child! Shinji, haven’t you explained that to him yet?! The method has been improved, Disco! The Jackets are now cultivated in artificial wombs. No more pushing out souls out of the original to obtain a Subchild! After birth, they’re raised by good volunteer mothers. In addition, we discovered that stimulus other than ‘suffering’ works for inducing new personalities. Children aren’t hurting anymore, Disco!”

“It’s useless, honey,” JJ says. “This isn’t the Disco you knew. He no longer protects children.”

Norma tries to persuade Disco to stop taking children away, but he still won’t budge. She has a little exchange with JJ who seems to be seriously jealous (”Do you love me like you love Disco?”), and assures JJ that of course she loves him, Disco starts considering to bring out one of his hidden knives and attack JJ...

But before Disco can make a move, something explodes. It takes Disco a few seconds to realize that while he’s still holding Norma in his arms, her lower half was blown off by a small bomb hidden inside her body, much like the one Disco once pulled out of Nils. Her last words are, “You’re my hero, Disco.”

Disco desperately puts her body back together, trying not to ‘run away to the Pineapple Home’ [I like that this became a metaphore for withdrawing into your mind from shock]. But no matter what he does, she doesn’t come back to life.

“This isn’t her original body,” JJ says. He looks almost as shocked as Disco by what just happened. “The soul can’t return to it, and the original body is already gone...”

“But there’s a spare one, right? There must be!” Disco yells, mortified at his own response. Would he really sacrifice a child for her?... “No, wait... If I just return to the past, all will be undone. She’ll be alive again--”

“No. Norma is dead,” JJ says. “She’s going to be dead in every possible history from now on. Sure, this is just an imaginary, fictional future... but she wasn’t. She came from the past. We met in 2003, and the Blackswan guys helped arrange it so that she’d be taken to 2008, and then we’d get married. Now that she’s gone, her research will disappear too. She was the one who came up with all the new projects, so our progress will be lost... according to plan. Of course! The Blackswan guys must have swindled me again! She’s been kept here all this time for the sole purpose of being killed in front of you! It’s your fault!”

Was it really his fault?... No. Everything's already decided. Every attempt to change history is already contained in that history.

While JJ is still blaming him, Disco doesn’t take that shit and asks “JJ, what was the phrase activating the bomb? It was the question you asked her, wasn’t it?”

[Wait, those bombs are phrase-activated. Which means Nils openly opposing JJ Styron while in a conversation with him was even more awe-inspiring than I thought. DAMN, kid.]

Disco puts the bomb back together, slam dunks it into JJ's body, and starts the last barrage of questions.

Why isn’t JJ busy with drug cartels anymore? Apparently the Blackswan guys managed to somehow remove the hallucinatory effect of drugs, since it could destroy their idea of perfectly managed global consciousness.

So there’s peace in the world, but no new media is created, no Spielbergs or Hendrixes? Maybe so, but hey, even Disco’s beloved San Diego is now clean and pretty! (Disco finds this fact hard to imagine and honestly quite disturbing.)

What was going on with that case with JJ’s seven underlings, why were they all hanging by just one leg? “I don’t know, have you tried asking that kid that should be in the Pine House, Nils Mikami?” [Yeah, you better remember his name!]

Does JJ know about the Pineapple Home? No clue what that even is.

Alright. As Disco prepares to leave (for the nth time in this sequence), JJ says, “If you go back to the past now, the childless method Norma invented would cease to exist too, you know.”

“No. Norma was a great person, but not a unique one. There are many others like her who can come up with it.” [I assume that since the future is unchanging, somebody else really will come up with it.]

“...in the end, I’m weak and you’re weak. No matter the time or place, the weak are an easy target. No, maybe we just have different kinds of strength. After all, you didn’t run away even as Norma was dying in your arms. ...you know, she didn’t answer my question properly. She said that she loved me. But my question was... Do you love me like you love Disco?”

Disco instantly pulls the bomb out of JJ’s body and tosses it through the window, where it explodes at a safe distance. Not ouf of mercy or anything, just because fuck you, you slimy bastard, you’re not getting off that easy, and Disco will be sure to think of a much, much worse punishment later. [HELL YEAH]

Leaving the room (and pretty devastated looking JJ), Disco happens to glance at the sweets he was welcomed with, and notices the logo of a shop called Makuri-ya. ‘Makuri”... “Mercury”? Mercury C did say he was the owner of a traditional Japanese confectionary shop in Chofu...

It may be a good time to go shopping for some explanation.

#sparkly reads disco #maijo and jdc stuff #long post #I still have no idea how this entire system works tbh this was... a confusing chapter #also are there really TWO female characters who solely exist in this book to get fridged for manpain. seriously maijo what the hell

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50shadesofmittens · 5 years

Text

Completely fucking unfinished but I wanted something from this AU to make it online

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Millennium 42, unknown restaurant

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There is something very pertinent about anticipation.

Some would think that minutes were nothing in the life of an eternal, but there are certain things that can only occur on small time scales. There’s a certain mix of terror, doubt, and a conviction one struggles to maintain, and this mixture can only be experienced in the handful of minutes that it lasts. Time seems to stretch out and the feeling weighs on a person even once the wait is over, but mere days later that terror is forgotten. People remember the way they botched their audition or stumbled during their interview, but no longer can they remember why.

I spotted her on the catwalk wearing a nice dress and a headscarf. Even her satchel looked like something a local woman would keep, and at a distance I wasn’t sure if she’d dressed up the bag she always kept at hand or splurged and got a new one from a local shop. It was certainly fancy enough for her to pass as someone who had access or gifts from my own funds, with my silk jacket and gold-woven cravat.

I flagged her down. She smiled at me and left to maneuver her way over. Ringing a bell summoned the waiter, and I gave the man a brief description of my ‘young lady friend.’ The server smiled and promised they’d send in the right girl.

Sure enough, when the knock came and the door opened, she was right behind the waiter. Before we were even alone she leapt onto the plush sofa to embrace me.

“Oh my darling, it’s been so long! Oh, we have so much to talk about, so much to do! Mwah!” She cried with all the drama of a rapturous preacher as she planted a kiss on my cheek.

The waiter bowed swiftly and closed the door, leaving the two occupants alone for our ‘reunion.’ She remained enthusiastic in her hugging, and so I told her;

“You know jumping on me disturbs the displacer field. The waiter might’ve noticed.”

“But he didn’t.” A snicker echoed through the small dining room, and she pulled back with a shit-eating grin. “A man like that knows full well to look the other way as soon as a young, pretty thing moves in to greet her host. You wouldn’t have picked this place without checking every security detail and privacy guarantee. You always read the fine print.”

“It’s still an unnecessary risk you created.”

“I know, darling.” She kissed me again, still leaning on my arm. “But if you’re going to go through all the trouble of setting me up as your quote-unquote mistress, it’s only polite that I give them a show. To respect the effort you’ve put in, I mean.”

“Ana-” I said, trying and failing to be annoyed by her antics.

“.” Ana said, finally leaning back and doing her best impression of my “Ana-be-serious” face. “Is there something I’ve done wrong?”

I didn’t answer, knowing this game all too well. “Is the planet about to be exterminatus’d? Is my better half about to find me?” Ana continued, “Is one of my brothers about to jump out from behind that curtain and drag me, kicking and screaming, all the way home so he can cut off my head in front of billions of onlookers?”

“No. None of those things are about to happen.”

“Then you can stop looking so dour and glum.” Ana flicked my nose, before settling a bit farther away on the couch. “Now, I’m sure you’ve got some terrible news about Angelos or Cadia or something, but it’s been too long and I want to mooch off your funding. Let’s get lunch first and catch up on the non-apocalyptic news- however scarce it may be these days- and then you can fill me in on who’s killing who.”

“Ana-” I sighed. “please keep it at a reasonable amount.”

“Perks of being my parole officer; every lunch meeting is a feast.”

“You know we’re supposed to be mortals.”

Ana grinned. “Ah, but what rich young man takes his mistress out and doesn’t spoil her with more than she needs?”

“They might notice when we order seven pounds of food and they get back empty plates.”

“So we order fourteen pounds and eat seven. It’s fiiine. You worry too much.” She grinned. “Besides. It really has been too long. You still seeing that one girl?”

She grimaced. “Urk, never mind. Y’know breaking the furniture like that is just as unusual as my appetite, right?”

I unclenched my hand from the edge of the table. Ana was right, there were handprint-shaped indents in the iron surface. Handprints that reflected the true size of my hands.

I pressed my elbow into the table, rolling it back and forth to conceal the pattern in a smoother dent. “I’m fine.” I said. “I’ve been studying lately, so there’s not much to report.”

“If you say so.” Ana said. “Alright then, I know what I want to order. Let’s get some food, and then I can tell you what I’ve been up to.”

“You haven’t even looked at the menu.”

“I got a glance of one open on a table I passed on my way to you.” With that she leaned over me and pulled the bell-string.

I didn’t pay much attention while Ana ordered. When the waiter turned to me I pasted on a smile and said, “I trust she’s got enough food for us to share.”

“I see, sir. Are you happy with Miss V’neer’s customizations?”

“Missus, actually. And it’s pronounced ‘veh-near,’ not ‘van-ear.’” Ana said.

“Apologies, Madame.” I was a little impressed the waiter didn’t even flinch, even though Ana’s clothes were nowhere near expensive enough for her to pass as my wife.

“I trust her taste.” I said.

The waiter left with a bow, and Ana turned back to me. “You feeling a little better?”

I opened my fists. Only a little bit of blood, and most of it dried by now. “Well enough.” I said.

“Remind me to never bang you.”

“Remind me to never get insensate around you.”

“HA!” Ana laughed. “Wouldn’t stop me from robbing you blind, kitty-cat. I don’t need to pick your pocket, all I gotta do is get you to buy me lunch.”

“So true.” I said. “Pity. I can only flinch so much before it starts gets noticed.”

“Bull. You’re the only one there who pays attention. Everyone else lives in their own little bubbles of their obsessions and duties.”

“The Ecclisiarchy is surprisingly rational, these days.” I said. “The ones who make it to the palace are all true believers, at least.”

“I sincerely doubt your perception isn’t skewed by all the madness in that place.” Ana sighed. “Well, the preachers are less crazy than the Inquisition, I’ll give you that.”

Our food arrived. I looked out the window as Ana cooed over the food and asked questions to the waiter. All the people in the city, each with their own lives and dreams and fears and aspirations. How pitifully beautiful.

Finally the waiter left, and Ana dug in. I’m not sure which of us was giving the other space, but I felt indebted to her all the same.

“That isn’t a promise.” Ana said, eyes glued to the reflection in her cup. “For all you know He just wants to kill me.”

“Nonetheless, there’s a good chance I’ll be hosting you. Ana. I need to know more about what I’m getting into. I need to know how much danger we’re going to be in.”

“Do I still confuse you?” She smirked. “It’s not that hard. I in the whole sense am a fractured being. Just because I in the personal sense have multiple aspects to myself doesn’t mean I’m any less than a fragment of a human.”

“Yet you still show traits outside of your base drives.”

“Mm.” She took another sip. “Humans weren’t made to be two-dimensional caricatures. If I have a thought that would better suit a me who isn’t me personally, then I simply won’t think that thought. It’ll be thought by that me.

”Kleptomania, Anima, self-analysis, insufferable love of gene-dad-jokes, love of the Sapphic-” She grinned, “obviously, and a few others- all those are mine and mine alone.”

“But how does it work.”

“Well, occasionally I start thinking very, very hard about two or more beautiful women and/or daemonettes flicking each other, so presumably the rest of me has no appreciation for yuri and the associated genres.”

“So it works like intrusive thoughts? If, say, you got into a barfight ‘cause you stole some bloke’s purse and banged his wife, and he said something dumb and you reallywanted to punch him, that desire to punch a man would go to the Crimson King?”

“You’re focusing very hard on this ‘guest’ thing.” Ana pouted. “I mean, what red-blooded pansexual doesn’tget distracted by the thought of two birds getting it on?”

“A) one who also has a healthy dose of self-control and self-restraint, and B) has that everworked on me?”

“Point. But seriously, you’re unusually on edge. Usually that would get you to crack a smile-”

“I’ve got an unstoppable daemon primarch about to arrive in the holiest place in the galaxy.”

“You need to calm down, Amon. You’re too wound up, you’re not thinking clearly-”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Xanalyse. Damn fuckin right I’m tense, I’m about to be the only person standing between the Emperor and oblivion!And I’m all alone because everyone under my command either hates my guts or doesn’t listen to a word I say, and you won’t help me redeem yourself!” He stood, throwing his hands up in exasperation. They got caught under the edge of the table and overcame the strength of the bolts securing it to the floor, flipping the entire table over and spilling food across the room.

They both stared, neither one having expected such a reaction. For a moment the room was quiet but for Amon’s heavy breathing. Ana waited until his breath evened out, or he started up again. He did not.

“… It’s flattering that you think I could destroy Father.” She said, bitter smile on her face. “And… you’re right. I haven’t been very helpful. Maybe it’s time I learned to live with myself.”

“Ana…”

“Delusion. Self-hatred. Wrath. Whoever else you haven’t told me about.” “They may be me, yet I still fear them. And can you blame me? Delusion so powerful it bends reality itself and destroyed all rationality is insanity. If I am wrong, then I must be mad to fear being swallowed up in it.”

“Ana I didn’t-”

She continued. “Self-hatred so strong it lashes out into the warp, psyker powers no longer at the beck and call of the psyker but instead summoning daemons and incurring hatred. Self-fladgillation so extreme it destroys everything and everyone around the poor boy.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Wrath so powerful that the desire to destroy becomes the only known goal of the man. That pursuit of revenge becomes an obsession, stripping away all other goals. To the point that he’d rather be a slave to an uncaring god than let ancient war crimes be forgiven.”

She shook her head. “I must be the stupidest bitch in the galaxy if I’m not desperate to feel that! Tell me, Amon, have you faced down all the ugliest parts of your own heart?”

“…I’m sorry.” Amon said. “That was insensitive of me.” He sighed, and flopped down to the couch.

“…I know that there’s no avoiding myself forever.” She whispered. “But at the same time, I know I’m not strong enough to overcome myself. In the end, it’ll be Reveul’s partner and the King. Billy and me, we’re good as gone.”

She looked Amon head-on. “It’s a bitter loop of growth and despair. I go out, face some unimaginable horror, and I survive because I’m me. I stay unchanged, because either I turn my trauma into rage at the monster, or I lie to myself about how much danger I was in. Except I can’t think those thoughts, and they go to another me. Then that me gets a little stronger, ‘cause there’s more of me personally contributing to his identity.

“You want to know how to fight the King? Then know this; we’re still connected to each other. Every time I meet someone so monstrous I want to destroy that person completely, he feels it for me. And every time he wants to nick someone’s shit, I feel it for him. I am still one person, even if different parts of me control different aspects. If I start changing, if I become a more aggressive person, then that part of me gets stronger.

“That’s why I can give a damn about my sons. That part of me died ten thousand years ago, but that just means any thoughts about them aren’t limited to just one of me. I rebuilt that part of myself from the ground up over these millennia. I’ve changed, and…

“I don’t know how much of me is someone I want to be. If insanity overpowers honor, rage overpowers curiosity, and guilt overpowers innocence I just… I don’t know if I’m someone I can love anymore.”

Amon didn’t know what to say. Perhaps there was nothing to say. Nothing that would make the galaxy they lived in any less of the shit-storm it was.

“I have honor, but not personally.”

#wip #headlock au #au #abandoned wip #tts

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pcyheartgirlx · 6 years

Text

In The Bleak Midwinter [CH21]

Genre ;; Angst/Smut/Fluff/Romance

Pairing ;; Chanyeol x Reader x Seokjin

Word Count ;; 8.9k

Summary ;; We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.

You own a multi-billion dollar company, servicing the biggest names in kpop, in more ways than one. Under the name “Starlight Catering”, you, your best friends, Damon and Maya, and your hundreds of workers provide stress relief for idols.

You have partially retired, not because you didn’t want to, but because Chanyeol was your muse. He was all that you had time for and all you needed. Until Jin came along.

So what happens when you mix fire and ice?

You get smoke and all the lines are blurred.

A/N ;; Chapter 21~~~ its here!!~~~~

[PLAYLIST] [BACKSTORY] [PROLOGUE] [CH1] [CH2] [CH3] [CH4] [CH5] [CH6] [CH7] [CH8] [CH9] [CH10] [CH11] [CH12] [CH13] [CH14] [CH15] [CH16] [CH17] [CH18] [CH19] [CH20] [CH21]

You still couldn’t get over where exactly you were going. The both of you walked in silence as you approached the car, stuffing the last of your bags in the backseat before you handed him the keys. Jin got into the driver’s seat and adjusted himself nervously.

“Why are we going to see Chanyeol?” you said bluntly as you put your seatbelt on. When Jin turned the car on, he sighed and scratched the back of his head nervously. He fumbled putting the keys in the ignition and you noticed his jaw clenching. You weren’t sure if it was nervousness or frustration that plagued his mind. Either way, it bothered you to see him look so stressed. Not even work stressed him this much. Things started piecing together now.

“This is what happened. Damon was getting emotional about not being able to say goodbye to Sehun. Maya was doing her best to comfort him but he still looked--”

“Devastated I bet,” you interrupted while Jin backed out of the parking space, slouching back in your seat as you let the thought play in your mind. “Sehun means a lot to Damon.”

“I can tell,” Jin shot you a quick glance before he drove out of the parking lot. “Long story short, I proposed the idea that Damon see Sehun before he left--”

“This was your idea?!” you shrieked as you shot back out of your seat in panic. Jin shook his head and gripped the wheel.

“Maya,” he emphasized before he continued. “Asked if it was okay if we could drop Damon off. It had occurred to me that I didn’t have the keys to the cabin. So the plan was for them to let me swing by my dorm so I could get the keys. Then they would drop me off back here...I mean they told me you should drop me back off at my dorm before you stopped at the EXO dorm but…”

“But what?” you asked in confusion as you started to match his frustration. Jin sighed heavily and started to grip the steering wheel. Biting his lip and shifting as if he was trying to find the words to say.

“I want to spend every second with you before you go. From the moment you drive off I want to make sure you’re okay...and that you’re...alive…” Jin swallowed hard with his last words. His knuckled started to turn white and the speed of the car started to increase slightly. You put your hand on his thigh at an attempt to calm his nerves.

“Jin...there’s a reason I’ve said that falling in love with me is a mistake. I’ve said it to you and Chanyeol,” Even though the tenseness in his body eased at your touch, his face remained the same, absorbing everything you were saying as he looked at the road in front of him. “This isn’t a life I want you in. You’re too precious for that because you deserve all the good things in the world. Nothing but bad things follow me. Everywhere I go...so I have to run.”

“One day, you’re going to have to face it, (Y/N). You can’t live life just running away from it. Nothing happens when you run. You just exhaust yourself,” Jin debated. He was right to some extent. But you were used to exhaustion. Your whole life was exhausting. From the moment you found out about your family’s business. It was always holding secrets in, pretending to be okay, watching death before your very eyes. You turned the faucet on, hoping to get clarity through the water; washing away all the dirty blood, the pain your family had caused and the poison you moved on the street. But no matter how many times you turned the faucet, the only thing that poured out was more blood. It took you years to figure out something you tried to deny. It followed you everywhere. That’s when you realized, you can’t wash blood with more blood.

“One day...but I have too much to lose right now. What I really want to know is,” you shifted so you were facing him, even though he couldn’t take his eyes off the traffic in front of him you wanted to watch his face while he talked. “Where did “You need to say goodbye to Chanyeol” come from?” Jin started chewing on the inside of his cheek and you brought you hand up to his cheek, brushing it slightly with the back of your fingers so he would stop.

“Well...I thought about it...not being there before you left and finding all this out through a phone call. Watching Damon, a guy that I pictured to be hard as nails, becoming completely broken over not being able to be in Sehun’s arms one more time…” The light turned red and he took full advantage of it. He turned to you, ripping his hands from the steering wheel so he could hold yours for a second. “I realized that if I was in Chanyeol’s shoes and I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to you under the circumstances...I would be just as broken as Damon...and I know part of you will be if you don’t.” You were completely focused on him, studying the way he spoke and the sincerity in his words. The nerves in your body caused you to twiddle your fingers against his and look down at both of your hands, trying to find the courage to speak up.

“What makes you say that?” you questioned. Jin just inhaled, kissing your fingers lightly before he let you go and placed his hands back on the wheel as the light turned green.

“You spent 2 and half years with him. Granted, I know there are things he should be doing for you that I know he doesn’t. But no matter what I do, I can’t erase that time or your emotions...I’ve learned to accept that.” His hand traveled and lingered on your thigh as he drove off. A smile played widely on his face. “But I know I can do better for you, jagiya. I don’t want you to worry about that right now. Let’s just focus on keeping you safe.” The silence that lingered weighed on you a bit. You didn’t know what to say honestly. There was a lot of truth in something he said. Right now, you had to focus on keeping yourself safe so you can keep them safe. And how you were going to assure Chanyeol that you would be fine. The distance already growing between you was just going to get longer. Maybe this was a good thing. Things can settle down quietly with ease for both men. It’s finally done...It had to be done.

“Right here, jagi?” Jin asked breaking you out of your thoughts as he slowed down in front of the dorms.

“Yea...let me call him,” you sighed as you pulled your phone out. “Should I tell him you’re with me?” Clutching your phone in your hand as you tapped it on your chin. Jin sucked his teeth and slouched in his seat.

“Aish, (Y/N). You’re going to see him right in front of me?” he whined as he rolled his head toward you. “I brought you here, can’t you go in his hallway?”

“Jin! I wasn’t going to have him come out here and shake your hand, relax but if he asks me how I got here…”

“Just tell him, you’re not a liar. If he wants to argue, he can do so on his own. I’m not in the mood today,” As he said this, you exhaled heavily and looked at your phone. Hopefully you had worn him out earlier so that he wouldn’t be in a confrontational mood. You put a free hand on his thigh and squeezed it lightly as you brought the phone up to your ear.

“Let’s go in the garage, 5th floor,” you said as the phone rang in your ear. “I don’t want to be sitting here like this.” Jin nodded while he turned into the garage next to the building. The more Chanyeol’s phone rang, the more your anxiety started to expand in your core.

“He’s not picking up,” you said biting your lip as you hung up on his voicemail. Jin continued to drive on the 3rd ramp of the garage and shrugged.

“I’m sure everything’s fine, baby girl. Just...call him again.”

The second time you rang him, Jin was approaching the door to his hallway when Chanyeol picked up.

“Yo--ah-yoboseyo?” Chanyeol rasped deeply, the sound of his voice when he just wakes up was intoxicating. Dark and elegant like the espresso.

“Chanyeol, I’m sorry I know you’re sleeping but...I need you to come outside real quick.” You glanced over at Jin and studied him as he cocked his head to the side. His gaze was fixated before him, as if he was trying to imagine a different setting, tuning you out so he didn’t have to hear you talk to the other man. Chanyeol groaned in your ear as you heard him stretch and exhale.

“I heard Damon and Maya here earlier,” he whispered. “I actually hear them now. Should I tell them to come out too?”

“No,” you undid you seatbelt and opened the car door, stepping out so Jin wasn’t forced to hear you speak to him.. “Just come to the door by your garage. And please hurry.”

“Just come inside, princess. We can take a nap together and your friends can take you home. You need to be with people that care about you right now. The cab ride from the morgue must have killed you…”

“Uh...I didn’t take a cab, Yeollie.”

“Oh! You drove?”

“Chanyeol…” you sighed as you looked through the window of the car door, studying Jin’s unbroken stare. “Just come out here...please.”

“O-Okay...is everything alright (Y/N)? You sound...I don’t know, shaken.”

“I’ll be waiting here. Okay baby?” you swallowed hard before you hung up. Walking back to your car, you opened the car door again and threw your cell phone on the seat. “You going to stay in here?” Jin shook himself out of his gaze to give you his attention. He bit his lip as he thought about the answer to your question.

“No,” he hoisted himself out of the car and walked over to you, leaning on the car next to you. “I’m going to stand right here.”

“Jin, you’re instigating,” you pointed out as you stood in front of him, crossing your arms on your chest as you watched his smugness.

“I’m not going to say a word, jagi. But I’m also not going to sit here like a fool and let him think I brought you here because of any other reason beside that. I am a decent human being...and he should be threatened,” Jin mirrored your stance and crossed his arms, pursing his lips at you and giving you an unsatisfactory look. You sighed and looked behind you, hoping Chanyeol wasn’t over your shoulder before you did what you were about to do.

“You know I love you, Seokjin,” you assured him as you kissed him lightly, risking a lot just by doing this. “But I don’t want Chanyeol to be fired up before I tell him this. I don’t think he’s going to take it well.” You took a few steps back and rubbed your arm. The sound of the door behind you opened made you turn swiftly and the look on Chanyeol’s face sparked and ignited an anxiety that you were trying to suppress.

“Chanyeol--”

“Is this a fucking joke, (Y/N)?” Chanyeol spat at you as his hands balled into a fist. He started to stomp toward you, you could hear Jin shift to his feet, taking a step closer to you as if in defense mode.

“Chanyeol, she has something important to say to you,” Jin shot back at him.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m not talking to you,” Chanyeol was quick to shoot him down as he stood right in front of you. He looked down at you and his lip started to curl.

“Let’s make this quick, jagi. I don’t want to start regretting bringing you here,” Jin barked at you as he eyed Chanyeol. The taller man’s face contorted at you and he put his hands on his hips.

“He brought you here? What’s going on?”

You looked over at Jin and shook your head disapprovingly. Jin just sighed and ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. As you turned back to Chanyeol, you put your hands on his shoulders and he tensed at your touch, breaking your heart slowly.

“Ronnie...he was murdered,” you said shakily. Chanyeol’s face started to soften as he watched you start to break down. He glanced at Jin before he cupped your face in his hands and pushed your face up towards his.

“Baby...don’t tell me...” Chanyeol’s voice started to crack. You didn’t need to explain him what was next. It was as if he knew. Unlike Jin, you had time to prepare Chanyeol for the instant this happened. You spent hours upon hours humoring his “what if”s and crazy hypotheticals. As much as you assured him this wouldn’t happen, it did. His touch was trembling and when his thumb brushed up against your cheek, you could feel the desperation behind his contact.

“It was him, Chanyeol...Dominic...he’s here.”

“No…” Chanyeol’s hands traveled to your shoulders, gripping them as his head hung low. “No. No. No. No. No. No. This isn’t happening--”

“I have to hide out for a bit--”

“Princess no please…” Chanyeol started to shake visibly, bring you close to him suddenly. You heard him sniffle into your hair as he held you tight. “Stay with me, here. I’ll protect you, I promised you I would always protect you. Let me keep that promise, baby. Remember we talked about this? I--”

“Sweetheart,” you muffled into his chest, knowing the next words that would come out of your mouth would absolutely break him. “I can’t stay. And you’re not safe either. I’ve called in some favors and there will be someone outside your dorm at all--”

“(Y/N),” he stuttered as tears started to flow down his face. He looked over at Jin and wiped his face. “You’re just going to let her do this? You’re okay with the thought of her being alone somewhere?” Jin narrowed his gaze at the taller man.

“I trust her...I know she knows what she’s doing,” Jin sneered. Chanyeol rolled his eyes and let his arms drop dramatically at his sides.

“For fuck’s sake,” Chanyeol ran a hand through his hair, watching you as you shrunk in your awkward posture. “Where are you staying? I want to go see you.”

“Actually,” you took a step to the side and looked at both of them. “I don’t think either of you should come see me…”

“You’re out of your fucking mind,” Jin laughed sarcastically.

“I’m going to have to agree with Suckjin here,” Chanyeol chimed right after, recieving a glare from Jin. You could tell it was taking everything in him not to blow up. It was apparent in the vein that was about to pop right out of his neck.

“I don’t want anyone following you or worse if they see you alone…” your voice trailed off and the realization of your words started to sink in for both of them.

“How long?” Chanyeol whispered as he looked at you in defeat.

“I’m not sure.”

“Honestly, jagi. Why can’t we call the police? I’m sure they’ll want to do something about the mafia trying to kill people!” Jin added frustrate. The anger he held back from Chanyeol was laced into this proclamation. But Chanyeol beat you to punch. He scoffed at him and walked closer to you.

“Do you hear yourself? The mafia. Dominic has the money and the means to buy off any cop he wants. And even if they don’t comply to him, he’s not afraid of the fucking cops,” Chanyeol put a hand on your shoulder and all you could do was look at him with fear. Everything he said was true, it was like your own words were coming out of his mouth. And you were thankful for it. Because these were the things you didn’t want to say. Once they’re said, they become real...and they were so fucking real right now.

“Jagiya, he’s exaggerating.”

“Again with the fuckin jagiya,” Chanyeol grumbled. You shot him a disapproving look and tsked at him.

“He’s not, Jin. Dominic...he has no remorse. That’s how my dad raised us…” Jin wasn’t buying it though. He shook his head and grabbed you by the wrist.

“Hey what the fuc--” Chanyeol was cut off by Jin who was dragging you toward the car.

“I refuse to sit here and just run away,” Jin spat as he opened the door. Just as you were about to snatch your wrist away, Chanyeol pulled you away from him forcefully and crashed into his chest.

“Don’t you get it, Seokjin? It’s not running away,” He growled at him. Jin just walked over to you both with fury in his eyes. You pulled away from Chanyeol and stood in between them, putting your arm out to stop Jin from getting closer to Chanyeol. “She needs to formulate a plan. But she can’t do it here with a target on her back. Your precious jagi, is doing this for us,” Chanyeol scrunched his nose up at him and scoffed. “So much for trusting her.”

“Hey hey hey!” Suddenly, Damon’s voice filled your ears and as you turned to the direction of the door, you saw Maya, Damon and Sehun making their way toward the three of you.

“Hyung! Hyung!” Sehun cried as he went over to Chanyeol, pulling him back by the shoulder as he leaned up against your arm. “Relax, relax. Now isn’t the time for this, hyung. Come on.” Maya and Damon rushed to you shortly after.

“I knew this was a bad idea,” Maya spat at Jin who was backing away slowly. The look of shame and guilt washed over him as his back hit the car.

“This was his idea?!” Chanyeol snarled behind Sehun. You shook your head and walked over to Jin, taking him in your arms as you looked at everyone.

“Guys, stop,” you begged as you felt him tense in your arms. “This is still new for him. And he’s trying, okay? Ease up on him, he’s just trying to help.” There was a silence and all you could do was lean your head against Jin’s chest as your arms wrapped around his waist. His arm rested on your shoulder and when you looked up at him, you could tell he was shocked and flustered. But you could also feel Chanyeol’s eyes boring into you with intense anger. You could hear his teeth grinding from where you stood. Still, Jin’s body felt sweet and softening. You wanted to stay there forever...you just wish Chanyeol could join you instead of glare at you. How sick is that?

“Alright,” Sehun croaked, trying to break the silence. “I think...this is a good place to wrap this up.” You saw him glance at Damon quickly as his lip quivered slightly. Chanyeol just looked away from you, not wanting to watch you hold him anymore. Because of that, you pulled away, nodding at Sehun’s statement as you looked over at Damon and Maya.

“We gotta get out of here.”

Damon sighed and made his way over to Sehun, taking him in a long embrace. Sehun buried his head into the side of Damon’s head. Although he whispered, you could hear the words he said to him.

“You’re always going to be on my mind, Damon. I love you.”

Damon tensed and you just smiled to yourself. Maybe Damon would be the one who gets the guy. You didn’t see why he shouldn’t. When this blows over, if it ever does, that was your mission. To make sure Damon ends up with his soulmate.

“(Y/N),” Chanyeol’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. His head was cocked to the side as he motioned for you to come to him. “Can I talk to you alone?” You looked over at Jin, who was rolling his tongue along the inside of his cheek. He looked at you from the side and cocked your eyebrow at Chanyeol’s direction, as if signalling you to go with the taller man. You nodded at Chanyeol and followed him, leaving Jin with Maya and Sehun with Damon. Chanyeol took your hand and guided you deeper into the parking lot, following a familiar path you had taken earlier.

“Come here,” He said breathlessly as you reached the front of his car, which was facing away from the group. You crashed into his arms again, letting his arms wrap around you in a tight embrace. You felt his body convulse against you and as you looked up, the tears that fell down his chin landed on your cheek.

“Baby shhhh, it’s okay,” your voice was soft, consoling him as he sobbed quietly. This isn’t the way you wanted to say goodbye. If only you could tell him. Tell him that this was the last time you were going to hold him this way. As you brought your hand up to his cheek to wipe his tears, you wanted to tell him this was the last time you were going to catch his tears, despite having the longing feeling of wanting to catch every tear that ever escaped his sparkling dark eyes.

“I’m s-sorry,” he choked in between sobs, burrowing his face into your hand that cupped his cheek. “This isn’t how I want you t-to see me. I’m just so scared for you.” You felt the stinging in your eyes as you watched him break down in front of you. You pushed yourself onto your tippy toes so you could kiss the tear stained skin.

“I’m going to be fine. I’ll have Maya get us some burner phones, so I can call you every now and then. You know it’s going to be hard,” you started to choke on your own words as well, a single tear ripped from your eyes as you got lost in his.

“I know, baby. I know. But we’re going to get through this, right? Don’t forget, I have something planned for us. That’s not going to change,” he brushed his lips against yours softly, lingering there for a minute. It was that moment. That was the moment to tell him. So he could forget that future he planned before he became too engrossed in the idea. But you were falling head first into his loving gaze and his tear stained face deterred you from the idea. He was already hurting so much…

“Nothing is going to change,” you lied. And it took everything in you to say that. The corner of Chanyeol’s mouth turned upward slightly into a faint smile. That small grin eased you. You were true to your word. You’d do anything to see him smile. Even lie.

“Do you love me?” he whispered as he cupped your face. You smiled and placed your hands over his.

“With all my heart,” you breathed as his lips brushed against yours delicately.

“Will you wait for me?” One more lie, you said to yourself. One more lie, so you can see just one more smile. Just one more.

“Until the end of time.”

This time, his lips crashed against yours, working feverishly as they overlapped yours with every kiss. It wasn’t full of lust that usually constituted this kind of starving kiss. It was desperation. The longing of wanting this to last forever was reciprocated on both sides. Anytime you felt like you were going to pull away, Chanyeol’s lips trapped you into him. You clung on to more than just his lips and the hands that cupped your face. You clung onto his soul, his aura and the entity that was Chanyeol. This was your last kiss and you made it count, every second. Every brush of your tongues, every sweet exchange of soft moans that escaped your lips.

But all great things come to an end. And as Chanyeol pulled away from you, you almost felt like a piece of you own soul was being ripped away from you. You studied his pink swollen lips and the way his eyes glossed when they met yours. His tongue pressed in between the pink skin before his deep enthralling voice broke you out of your trance.

“You should probably get going...”

You nodded and hugged him one last time.

“I’m going to miss you so much, my Yeollie,” you whispered into his chest. He just smirked as he squeezed you lightly.

“I’m going to miss you more, princess,” he said as he buried his face into your hair. The both of you pulled away, taking your hand in his as you walked away from his car and back to the group that waited for you previously.

“You ready to leave?” Maya said as she watched you approach them. She was leaning on the car next to Jin who couldn’t get his eyes off your hand in Chanyeol’s. Sehun and Damon held each other, clinging onto each other for dear life. You just nodded and freed your hand from Chanyeol. You looked up at him and sighed.

“I have to say bye to Jin now,” you admitted. Chanyeol sighed and pursed his lips together, nodding slightly at your words.

“Take him by my car,” his words made you raise your eyebrow at him. He just shook his head. “If anything happens, I’ll know where you are.” You nodded and looked over at Jin who was staring at the floor, crossing his arms as Maya talked his ear off.

“Tesoro,” you called out to him, receiving a small glare from Chanyeol.

“Tesoro?” he echoed. You just elbowed him as Jin walked over to you.

“Let’s talk in private real quick.” Jin glanced at you and then at Chanyeol hesitantly before he nodded. The both of them exchanging rage filled glances before you walked away with Jin.

You needed to make this count. The cabin was just temporary. You were only going to stay there until you and Damon found somewhere else to hide out. This had to be your final goodbye to both of them. As you neared Chanyeol’s car with Jin trailing behind you silently, you realized that there wasn’t enough time in the world to say goodbye. You barely spent any time with Jin. You wanted more. When you thought of going back to the cabin, you envisioned running through the woods trailing behind Jin. Chasing after him as he took you to the pond he had mentioned to you before. Not to hide out from your brother. Not without Jin.

“(Y/N)...you’re going to be fine, right? He’s not gonna find you out there, is he?” Jin snapped you out of your thoughts. You didn’t even realize you had reached the car and you were now facing him. You looked up at him emotionless.

“Huh?” That were the only words you were able to utter. Truthfully though, you weren’t paying too much attention.

“I’m just saying that maybe you should have someone stay with you. Besides Damon.”

“That person would have been Ronnie,” you muttered silently. Jin just sighed and put his hands on your biceps,

“Hey,” he breathed trying to get your attention. When your eyes met, his lips parted slightly and he gave you the softest look possible. “We’re too much alike, sweetheart. I know what you’re doing. you're being really strong for everyone, (Y/N). I don’t know and I can’t imagine the severity of how this is hitting you but...,” Jin’s hand started to pull you slowly closer to him. It felt like he was a magnet drawing you in. “But I want to make sure you’re going to be okay. I don’t want anything to happen to you. So all fronts put aside, are you positive he will not find you?”

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Jin’s hands were gripping desperately at your biceps as he held you inches away from him. You couldn’t feel anything but the anxiety that began to devour him. “But it will buy me some time for sure. I just need to get in contact with my lawyer.”

“Maya’s uncle,” Jin added. You looked at him and raised your eyebrows.

“Yea...you remembered,” He grinned at your statement but the look of dread still painted his face. “Everything is going to be fine. I just need to work on my offense. My defense isn’t looking too bad. I’ve got some time for that...depending…”

“Depending on what? You make this sound like a game and it’s not, (Y/N). This is your life you’re playing with--”

“But this is what it is to him, Jin. Life is a game and there are winners and there are losers. And you know what you do to losers, Jin? You get rid of them. We’re primal fucking beings and--”

“Jagi, I get it. Shhh,” Jin cooed at you trying to calm you down as you spoke but you just kept going. It was like you couldn’t stop. Suddenly, you were a teenager again and your father’s words were spilling out of your mouth. Everything hit you at once and it kicked open the door that you kept all these memories locked away. Jin’s face dropped slightly as you continued.

“--primal being kill to survive.”

“(Y/N) stop.”

“I gotta fucking eat. I have to make sure my family eats. I’m superior to that loser because I was born a winner--”

The words halted at the back of your throat and as Jin’s lips crashed against yours, you could feel your muscles easing and you were back. This was your reality. And the way you fell into his chest as your lips moved against his gave you some sanity. When he pulled away, you hesitated opening your eyes. How were you going to face him after that little episode?

“Jagiya, you know I understand more than anyone about holding in your emotions,” Jin licked his lips after he spoke, sighing lightly as he still tasted you on his tongue. “But under the immense stress this is causing you...are you sure you should be alone?”

“I’m going to be with Damon!”

“But Damon doesn’t hold you like this,” Jin whispered as he wrapped his arms around you, bringing his hand behind your head as he pressed you against him. “Damon doesn’t kiss you like this,” He began to kiss your cheek, peppering his way to your lips.

“Jin…”

“I’m going to miss you. I’m going to worry about you.”

“I know....” You looked at his lips and then back into his eyes. “I miss you already…You know...we didn’t have much time together but every second I was with you made me extremely happy. Thank you for that.”

“Jagi, you’re talking like you’re leaving me forever,” Jin giggled, cupping your face in his hand. “When you see me again, I’m going to make sure to take your breath away.”

But I am leaving you forever.

You couldn’t let this thought infect your mind. The look in Jin’s eyes was crippling, you could see how incredibly broken he was and the light that gleamed in his iris was dull. But he kept smiling, kept loving you tenderly and stayed positive. Jin was a blessing, a true blessing. Somehow, it started to become easy at the thought of leaving him. He deserved someone with a heart of gold with all the love in the world to give. Someone who he can be proud to bring home to his parents, someone who knows how to be just as delicate and angelic as he was.

“I need to get going, tesoro mio. Before it gets dark…”

“You hate driving in the dark,” Jin laughed breathlessly and you mirrored the same reaction. “Let’s go, babygirl.”

“Wait!” You grabbed at him and spun him around, wraping your arms around his shoulders as your lips collided with his with a longing force. The kiss was still and unmoving. You lingered there for a moment but the message was clear. It was at that moment you both wanted time to freeze.

“I love you,” you whispered softly as you pulled away. Jin smiled and you felt his hands on your waist.

“I love you too,” he replied with the same softness, kissing your cheek before he took your hand. “Don’t make this harder for me,” Jin dragged you to the direction of the group, looking back at you and grinning before you got there.

“Finally,” Chanyeol growled as the two of you appeared. Sehun hushed the taller man by shooting him a disapproving look as he held Damon in his arms.

“Right then,” Maya interjected as she walked over to you too. “Come now, Seokjin. I’ll give you a ride to your dorm before I move the hunnies.”

“Don’t forget to--”

“Call you and let you know where they all are? I got you covered, (Y/N). Don’t worry. I’ll keep them safe,” Maya assured you. She cocked her head to the side, signalling Jin to follow her. He looked at you and grinned.

“Remember what I said.”

“Of course, tesoro.”

He looked over at Chanyeol, who was seething at the sight of Jin openly flirting in front of him. Jin fueled the fire by giving you a kiss on the cheek and winking at he walked away.

“Soon, jagi. I’ll see you soon.”

You nodded and smiled as he disappeared into the parking lot trailing behind Maya. You knew he would be safe with her. She was taught by the best men and women in Birmingham how to hold her own in any kind of fight. You were glad to have her. She and Damon were all you had.

“I promise I’ll try to be back before our anniversary,” you heard Damon whisper to Sehun. It wasn’t just hearing him that brought you back to this reality. It was also the way Chanyeol turned you around to face him. You were so in and out of what was going on around you, you smiled widely at him even though he looked pained and frustrated.

“Please. Be careful,” his voice was clearly shaken and his lips brushed against your forehead before he spoke again. “I trust you baby. I do. I’m just so scared.”

Chanyeol always told you what was on his mind. He made you very aware of his feelings without any hesitation. Jin was the opposite. He showed you what he thought would benefit you. The rest was locked away. He had no time to be weak, no time to cry. His mission was to uplift those around him. While Chanyeol protected them.

“I promise. I’m going to be extra careful. Nothing is going to happen to me,” you assured him as you turned around quickly, looking at Sehun as he pulled his nuzzling face out of Damon’s hair. “And I promise you, nothing is going to happen to Damon.” Sehun pressed his lips together into a thin line as you spoke. You didn’t want to interrupt their moment together but it was time for you to leave. You couldn’t risk staying there another minute.

“I love you, Chanyeol,” you said to him as you turned around, hugging him tightly.

“I love you too (Y/N),” he replied lowly, squeezing you lightly before he let go.

“Come on, Damon…” you sighed heavily as you started for the car. “It’s going to be a long drive.”

X-x-x

It had been about 2 hours and a half since you left Seoul and Damon still hadn’t said a word. The tension in the car was indistinguishable. You didn’t know if it was anger toward you or sadness toward the situation at hand, but it stopped Damon from doing anything but look outside the car window. As you neared closer to the familiar path to the cabin, you ran your thoughts over again, thinking about how you were going to ask Damon what was on his mind. As you took the exit on the highway, you coughed nervously and glanced at Damon in your peripheral.

“You’re going to love the cabin,” you gushed hesitantly. “It’s really nice and it’s got a beautiful vie--”

“I’m not mad at you, (Y/N),” Damon’s voice was flat and you thought he was lying at first. But as he continued to plead his case, you thought otherwise. “This isn’t your fault. I hope you know that. It just sucks. I really like Sehun...and I think I do love him….but I’m so worried about him. He doesn’t know it but…”

“It’s okay. You can’t help it. It’s hard to have them worry about us when we know what Dominic is capable of…”

“Kind of sort of not helping,” he muttered at you as he positioned himself in his seat.

“Sorry…” your eyes were fixed on the trees in front of you. For a second you felt trapped, caged into the forest like an animal. Usually, you would think of it as freeing and like you could run and run until your legs hurt. But you were already running and everything was hurting. You could tell Damon was starting to get tired of this. You’ve never seen Damon cry or complain over anything that your life at thrown at your two. Even though he was always the one your trusted to see that raw side of you, the way Jin had seen you earlier. You gripped the steering wheel, as you turned down the weaving path similar to the one in your mind.

“We’re not staying here for long, are we?” He knew your plan before you even told him

“No. We aren’t. But don’t tell Jin--”

“This is kind of a fucked up way to leave them both, (Y/N).”

The words rang loudly in your ear. He was right. It was cowardly and heartless. But your intention behind it justified it, at least in your head it did. You’d do anything not to continue hurting Jin and Chanyeol. Even if it meant disappearing.

“It’s for the best…” Your voice trailed off as you studied the scenery around it noticing you were about 15 minutes away from the cabin.

“I know you think that,” Damon said softly as he watched you fixated. “But it didn’t have to be this way.”

“We’re almost there,” you tried changing the subject which just caused Damon to shake his head. He just replied okay, taking the hint and not prodding into the stresses of your battered mind.

When the two of you pulled up, you smiled at you noticed Damon’s eyes widen. It had been a while since he had gone out to the woods in general. Much less stayed at a cabin. That was something you both did in the many winters back home. Driving to the Poconos and sitting by a fire while smoking and drinking the night away. Even though those cabins were a lot larger, the quaint one you were parking in front of added a certain comforting atmosphere. It was a feeling that penetrated the tension on your subconscious the minute you pulled up. As you unloaded the car and walked in, the memories started flood back and you figured out why you felt so much more at ease. It was the memories of Seokjin that calmed you and when Damon brought in the last bags, he came up next to you as you stood in the door way of the living room, gazing adoringly at the rug carpet that was in front of the unlit fireplace.

“I don’t even want to know what happened here,” he said playfully in disgust. You just laughed breathlessly as you walked over to the fireplace.

“All I’ve got to say,” you started to load some wood that was placed next to the fireplace, smiling to yourself as you started to light it. “Jin is so very very flexible.”

“I’m going to unpack! I’ll be back when I’m done!” Damon cried out immediately, leaving you to the fireplace and your memories.

X-x-x

The next four days went by painfully slow. You and Damon spent a lot of time running Starlight from your laptops, trying to stay as under the radar as possible. Things were starting to eat away at you both financially. You needed to up your security tenfold, making sure all of your girls and guys were escorted with every encounter. Maya was dealing with a lot. She took on Damon’s job of taking care of the hunnies but now they were scattered all over Seoul in different safe houses. You didn’t know how to thank her except by promising her a long vacation to anywhere in the world when everything died down. If everything died down.

It was a time bomb. You were waiting for Dominic’s next move. Anticipating it. You knew that his plan, whatever it was, had come to a screeching halt when he saw security at EXO and BTS’ dorms. You knew that he had already raided your apartment to find you disappeared without a trace. Dominic didn’t know where you were but he knew your presence still pumped heavily into that city. It was just a matter of finding you. You were almost sure he never would. Even today, on New Years Day, you were confident he wouldn’t be able to close in on you as you browsed for different cabins, yachts, shit you’d even invest in a bunker if you could find it.

Damon walked into the dining room and plopped himself at the head of the table. The same place where Jin had decided to make a meal out of you weeks before. You smirked as you watched him swirl his cereal in a bowl.

“You know I’m getting tired of not having eggs and pancakes and bacon and--”

“Relax,” you interrupted his voice from getting any more whiny than it was now, never braking your gaze from the laptop screen in front of you. “Maya is coming by later today and bringing us some groceries,” you looked up at him and pointed him out, putting emphasis on each word that came out of your mouth. “But you have to not eat like there’s a supermarket I can just drive to and re up on the goods. I have self control.”

“I have self control,” he mimicked and mocked you, raising his voice up a pitch to add to his exaggeration. You rolled your eyes and shrugged.

“Honestly, Damon, how old are you?”

“5, bitch. I’m 5 fucking years old eating this god damn cereal with no milk,” Damon snapped, moving his head to the rhythm of his words. You laughed it off as you continued to browse through the dark web for incognito hide outs. Suddenly, you heard the sound of tires treading on the stone trail outside. Your ears perked up and your hand shot to the chair net to you, grabbing your gun and gripping onto the cool metal tightly.

“Honestly, (Y/N). How long are you going to keep that thing next to you? It’s probably Maya!” Damon cried out as you shot out of your seat.

“Shhhh...you can’t be too careful. Stay here and don’t say a word,” you whispered as he rolled is eyes at your creeping down the hall. Your footsteps were light and slow, making your way stalkingly toward the front door. Your hands trembled slightly making the metal in the gun clink softly. Your nerves were shot and every time you thought about it possibly being Dominic finally pulling up on you, your stomach knotted and you shook like this. These past 4 days have been a fucking nightmare.

When you finally reached the door, you heard the car outside turn off. You peered through the the small window next to the door and dropped your weapon.

“(Y/N)! Are you okay!?” Damon asked worriedly, the sound of the chair scratching against the wooden floor following his question.

“This isn’t happening. No no no. What the fuck!” you sneered as you watched him walk out of his car and toward the door.

“(Y/N)?!” Damon’s voice filled your ears again and so did his footsteps behind you. Still, you ripped the door open with fury in your eyes.

“Chanyeol! What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?!” you spat at him as he made his way toward the front door. His eyes widened as he approached you, noticing the madness that was over taking your demenour.

“Chanyeol!?” Damon echoed as he came up behind you.

“Really, baby? This is the welcome I get after I drove hours to come see you on New Year’s Da--” You cut Chanyeol off as you grabbed him and pulled him inside with force, slamming the door behind him.

“Gee, Chanyeol...how did you find this place?” Damon said nervously, shaking his head at him frantically. You noticed this and figured that Damon told Sehun where they were staying after you specifically told him not to. But the damage was done and right now, you were in no position to deal with how he was told more than what the fuck you were going to do now.

“It doesn’t matter!” You grabbed the gun from the floor as Chanyeol gasped silently.

“Put that away!”

“No! I have to see if you were followed!” You started to look out the window inconspicuously as you clutched the cool metal close to you.

“(Y/N), baby. No one followed me. I came to spend sometime with you...I even brought food.”

“You brought food!?” Damon piqued excitedly, causing you to snap your head back at him and give him a deadly disapproving look. He just shook you off and tisked at you.

“Come on, (Y/N). The food, I mean, Chanyeol came all this way,” Damon chuckled as he looked over at Chanyeol, who was pursing his lips at him. You still weren’t budging. You were almost glued to the window, scanning the road and everything in between for any sign of unwanted guests. Chanyeol’s footsteps were getting closer behind you and when you felt his hand on your arm, the way you began to loosen was involuntary.

“Baby, please,” he begged silently. You closed your eyes and let his sweet dark voice invade your ears. Lowering your weapon, you turned to him and sighed heavily.

“You know coming here was extremely dangerous, incredibly thoughtless and highly risky! What were you thinking!?” thinking about the worst thing that could have happened caused you to start raising your voice a bit, taking Chanyeol back as he took his hand off your arm.

“Look, I’m sorry...I just didn’t want you to start the new year alone,” he hung his head a little low and rubbed his arm as you continued.

“That’s more important than your safety?! More important than mine!?” You screeched as you started waving the gun and your hand around in emphasis. Chanyeol put his hands up and furrowed his eyebrows at you.

“(Y/N), what the fuck? Calm down!” The anger in Chanyeol’s voice started to pick up as he took a step back.

“Yea, watch where you’re waving that thing bitch!” Damon added. You simply ignored them as you continued to scold the tall man.

“Calm down!? Do you understand how stupid this was!?”

“Stupid?! You’re calling me stupid?!”

“If the shoe fucking fits!”

“Hey!” Damon barked, getting closer to the two of you. “(Y/N), you’re being a cunt.”

“Yea well this cunt wants us all to survive so fuck you both. I’ll be upstairs keeping an eye out while you two each your fucking food,” You started to walk off but stopped when you felt a fairly large hand grab at your wrist.

“I’m not done talking to you. Don’t be fucking disrespectful,” Chanyeol said lowly, narrowing his gaze as you turned to him. You simply snatched your wrist from his grasp and matched the same glare he was giving you.

“You shouldn’t talk to me like that when I have a gun in my hand. Don’t let history repeat itself.” With that, you marched upstairs, leaving Chanyeol to seethe in his thoughts and Damon to diffuse this awkward situation.

X-x-x

“Fuck me, these roads have gotten worse and worse!” Maya screeched as she drove down the winding road. As the trees around the car started to close in on them, Jin couldn’t help but smile knowing they were getting closer.

“Yea, they get like that as soon as you get off the exit and closer to the mountains,” he chuckled at Maya’s expense as she struggled.

“Where did you find this place anyway? Yoongi was jealous that we were coming up here so it must be as nice as he described,” she pointed out as the anger slowly started to dissipate. Jin just smiled and pushed his bangs out of his face.

“Yoongi loved this cabin,” he marveled before he started. “It was during our predebut days. We were working so hard and so much time had passed. We were all starting to get defeated even though Hobi had just came back to the dorm after quitting for a while,” Maya stared intently at the road in front of her but was listening intently. “I was thinking of ways on how to bring our spirits up, keep everyone positive. I thought, maybe doing something sporty would bring us closer together. So I saved as much of my allowance as I could so we could take a trip here, snowboard in the mountains and just have a good time.” The road was straightening out again and Maya took advantage of it and looked at Jin warmly.

“Jin, that’s so sweet,” she doted. He just shrugged and smiled.

“We had so much fun that day. My dad even sent me a few extra dollars so we could drive into town and eat at this restaurant that's a few miles down the highway...but when we got there and finished eating, it started to snow so bad. We couldn’t drive far so we looked up cabins in the area that we could rent for the night. All the hotels were far.”

“Ahhh, I see. I’m guessing it was this cabin,” she said as if she was enlightened. Jin just nodded and relaxed in his seat.

“It was small but we were used to packing into rooms together. I’m not going to forget that night. Me and Namjoon stayed up late but when he fell asleep, I started to walk down to the kitchen when I noticed Jungkook and Tae in one of the rooms. Tae had his arm wrapped around Kookie and they looked so...so peaceful. I was envious at the time. Envious that they found love for each other through this. I thought I’d never find love but I knew when I did...I’d want to bring them back here too.”

“That’s...that’s so romantic, Jin,” Maya’s smile faded slightly as she pushed her hair out of her face. “I knew it was a good idea bringing you with me. She might be a little upset because you know how careful she is but I know she trusts me...plus, you guys deserve to be happy. Her especially.”

“That’s interesting,” Jin started. “Considering the way you two fought before…” Maya tisked at him and rolled her eyes.

“That was stupid. I was just upset and...maybe…”

“Jealous?” Jin said as she hesitated. She jumped at his words, as if he struck a chord. “Sorry...I didn’t mean to be rude--”

“But you’re right,” she sighed heavily and started to bite her lip. “Yixing stopped called me...Yoongi isn’t ready for anything serious even though I shouldn’t suspect anything...I just...I came to Korea hoping to find something that wasn’t in Birmingham. To get away from things that held me back from advancing I suppose…”

“I understand,” Jin started before he gave her some oddly familiar advice. “But you can’t run. You have to face those things and knock them down or else they’ll always keep your from advancing. And as far as finding love,” he crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. “Love has a funny way off...coming to you. In strange forms sometimes.” He heard Maya snigger as he got lost in his own words.

“Finally we’re here!” She said excitedly as she started to pull up. But the excitement didn’t last when she noticed a familiar car parked next to Damon’s. “Fuck that’s--”

“Chanyeol’s car,” Jin muttered disappointingly, scratching the back of his head as all the happiness drained from his face.

A/N ;; 2 more chapters will be posted later tonight :)

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your-music-sucks · 6 years

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Why I Don’t Like Metal

I’m in a music scene with my friends dominated by metal music. Obviously, this isn’t the case for all guitar music, but my Facebook feed regarding music is almost 75% metal bands playing metal shows and making metal music.

When I was in elementary school, the hardest and most evil genre I knew was Norwegian death metal. I also assumed harsh screaming like I heard in death metal had a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming even slightly popular. Overtime, I saw the rise of metalcore and other -core genres take mainstream in the turn of the decade come out of nowhere. One second, everything was how I remember it, and the next, everyone in the halls had a Bring Me the Horizon shirt on.

Fast forward to today, and I barely have to try if I want to listen to metal I haven’t heard before, and that isn’t just because of the internet: metal music is a big deal, and it’s interesting to see how major a subgenre can take over an entire culture.

I like to think I’ve listened to a fair amount of metal. I loved Metallica and Tool (and still do), I’ve listened to the majority of it’s subgenres (I’d list them out, but this post would make novels look short), and I like to think I have a basic grasp on metal.

Okay, there’s your backstory, let’s get into it. The biggest reason why I don’t like metal is because it’s a genre that acts and tries to be diverse, but fails to, but insists it did. Was that too wordy? I’ll explain.

Let’s use jazz music as an example to elaborate my point. I don’t expect anything from jazz to surprise me, because I know jazz. The arrangements, the theory, the tone and mix, jazz isn’t going to throw me for a loop any time soon. However, I don’t expect it too. And sure, there will always be people who insist jazz is the best genre of them all, and listen to nothing but jazz like the snobbish purist they are. The reason why I don’t like metal is because metal has the same predictability as jazz, but constantly tries to paint itself as unique and diverse, and makes a huge deal out of doing this.

Ready for a bold accusation? There are no subgenres of metal. None, zip, nada. What people call subgenres of metal are musical idiosyncrasies boxed up and made into something unique. There’s a common trope online of people trying to identify what a certain band is.

“Oh my god, this isn’t deathcore! This is speed thrash mixed with elements of doom sludge. Get it right!”

When you think about subgenres of metal, what comes to mind? Tempos? Tone? Lyrical topics? None of that matters. Metal itself is a subgenre. It’s an extreme version of rock (metal is harder than rock, get it?). That’s it. Come to think of it, most “subgenres” of metal aren’t even genres, but rather adjectives. Brutal death metal? Blackened metal? Sludge metal? Now THAT’S trying too hard to be unique.

Another reason why I don’t like metal is because metal has nothing new to offer. I’m a massive foodie, so I’m going to make a food comparison (I’m a sucker for comparisons, as you might’ve noticed by now). Imagine metal as spicy wings. In the 1960s, bands like Black Sabbath discovered that food can be spicy. It’s aggressive, bold, and fiery. Soon after, other bands wanted to make their own spicy wings. Sure, they put in different spices and sides, and they used different meat in their wings, but they all still made spicy wings. What changed was how spicy something could be. Bands started to make even spicier wings than what Black Sabbath ever did. Some people thought they were crazy, most people avoided them entirely, but that didn’t stop them from making the spiciest food of all time. At some point, a band made the spiciest possible wings imaginable, and they called it grindcore. Though bands may try to get spicier wings, they never passed the spicy factor as grindcore.

And that winded comparison was just about sound; let’s move on to lyrics. Metal lyrics can be easily boiled down into two categories: negative imagery or fantasy. When I mean negative imagery, I mean the whole kit and kaboodle: skulls, the dead, guns, things that look evil, etc. The same goes for fantasy: the occult, mythical creatures, epic battles etc. There is not a single “subgenre” of metal that doesn’t have one or more of these tropes, and it’s boring. I’m already picky when it comes to new music, and when metal artists are praised for writing about the same topics about a billion other bands in the same zip code are doing right now, I can’t help but not be interested.

Like I’ve probably mentioned in my other posts (or haven’t, I don’t remember), I’m big into sincerity. When I listen to music, I love 100% knowing the band/singer means what they’re representing. First of all, it’s hard to think a band sincerely wants to kill everyone on earth, cover the world in blood, be one with satan, or any of the stuff metal bands write about. One of the metal tropes I empathize with the least with is extreme sadness. You know what I’m talking about: those bands with screaming vocals about someone or something in their lives that is tearing their very soul apart. I could understand this band’s pain if it was an one off thing, if it wasn’t in the entire song. Songs with artists who have one scream in a song is much more effective to the message than constant screaming. Anyway, if your band’s entire discography is constant screaming and anguish, I’m going to believe you about as much as the guy in the office who’s always bragging about that Brazilian girl he’s hooking up with.

The metal hate train hasn’t ended yet! We still have a couple stops left. What also grinds my gears when it comes to metal is the complete lack of sonic diversity. Metal is a car with one speed, and the gas pedal glued to the floor. You can’t make a metal ballad. Going back to the spicy wings comparison, spicy wings only goes with a couple of things. You can be my guest and combine bubble gum and spicy wings, but don’t you dare tell me it tastes good. Also, metal songs are either really long or really short. You have Dream Theatre making literal 45 minute tracks, or 45 second pornogrind ejaculations. This logic is also why I don’t like Beyonce’s music either (as if I’m not alienating myself from certain audiences already). Beyonce and everything she does can just he attributed to “big”: big clothes, big hair, big voice, big breasts, big effects, big music videos, big dancing, but I digress. genres like jazz, rock, and pop can easily go into different styles and tones, and that’s because they are purely genres. Metal is a subgenre, and only has one speed, one tone, and one style.

To wrap everything up, in spite of everything I’ve said about metal, there are still people who insist it’s a unique genres. People who share memes on facebook about how generic pop is. People who brag about the diversity in metal, but own 500 black t shirts with the same art style. People like this are why metal is a problem for me.

Like I said at the beginning, I listen to metal sometimes. A little spice can make a bunch of meals better, but the continued presence of self-unaware, vocal, and purist group of people who act like spicy wings is a balanced breakfast makes me want to take my glass bowl of salad and hope the glass sticks in their eyes. Then someone could take a picture and put it on the next Slayer album.

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backstorywithdanalewis · 3 years

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Russia Dissent Back Story with Dana Lewis podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1016881/7499026

Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (00:00) Your father was killed on the 27th of February, 2015 in front of the Kremlin gun down there. It must've been a terrible moment for you and probably still is. Zhanna Nemtsov: (00:11) It was, uh, uh, the most dramatic moment, uh, in my life. I think it was, uh, and it is still, it's a big tragedy for myself. And at the same time, it was a decisive moment. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (00:33) Hi everyone. And welcome to backstory. I'm Dana Lewis. On this edition, we talked to a young lady whose father was one of the leading opposition figures in Russia. And for speaking up and speaking out in Putin's Russia, it cost him his life. Also the former prime minister, who later tried to run for president and unseat Putin. He speaks on the recent demonstrations across the country corruption in the jailing of opposition figure Alexei, Navalny, and an expert view on what happens now or at John, and then SOF joins us now from Nizhny Novgorod John, how are you? I'm fine. Thank you. And you very well. I mean, it, it, your father was killed on the 27th of February, 2015 in front of the Kremlin gun down there. It must have been a terrible moment for you and probably still is. Zhanna Nemtsov: (01:31) It was, uh, uh, the most dramatic moment, uh, in my life. Um, so you wanna, you want to talk about my feelings, what I felt when I, uh, learned that my father had been assassinated? Yes, I think it was, uh, and it is still, it's a big tragedy for myself. And at the same time, it was a decisive moment. Uh, back then, uh, there was one question, should I, uh, keep, uh, silent or should I act, and back then it was a moral choice for me. And I understood perfectly well, uh, those risks, which are normally associated with, uh, being outspoken in Russia. Uh, and so I thought for probably one or two days and realized that, uh, I would be called otherwise, uh, it would be a betrayal of my father, and that's why I, uh, played an active role in the whole investigation. Of course, it was pretty clear for me that no proper would be conducted, uh, but I did what I could to push it forward. So we initiated, uh, and we employed some mechanisms of international oversight, uh, of this investigation and the parliamentary assembly of the council of Europe, uh, approved of a resolution. And it basically outlined, uh, uh, those drawbacks, which, uh, they were in the whole investigation. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (03:34) So the drug that the chief drawback would be if the state doesn't want to cooperate and they're not sincere in finding the killer is they're not going to be found, Zhanna Nemtsov: (03:44) They are not sincere. They can do that. I think it's not a complicated case for them, uh, but, uh, they don't want to, uh, identify most of months, or of course they don't want to identify the motive behind the investigation. These two questions, uh, still remain and answered. So we, uh, had, uh, the same procedure at, uh, there at the OSI. So, uh, we have the official position of two important international organizations regarding this investigation, but I still believe, uh, that, uh, the truth will come out. Uh, but I understand that is almost impossible that we will, uh, get the truth under the current political leadership in Russia Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (04:43) Who killed your dad. Do you think Zhanna Nemtsov: (04:50) You wanna, you wanna, you want me to say that, uh, they S uh, killing was, um, uh, authorized or directly ordered by legitimate Putin? I don't know because we, uh, no, uh, we, we don't know a lot, or we know very little about all the circumstances, uh, of, uh, of, of this murder, of this brutal murder. Uh, we know some, uh, some people who were directly involved and, uh, they were by the way identified, but, uh, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (05:29) Well, these are, these are the guys, these are the guys who pulled the trigger. Zhanna Nemtsov: (05:33) I mean, I mean, we have to basically, uh, not we, but the central investigative committee has to, uh, interrogate, uh, rums on Kuduro, uh, who I believe was directly involved in my father's as destination. And it was my request. I filed this requests on a number of occasions, but of course the central investigative committee, uh, does not do its job properly and they are doing it intentionally because, uh, effectively, uh, there, uh, top Russian officials blocked this investigation and it is itself a crime to block, uh, criminal investigations and at least, uh, and I, I said it six years ago and I would like to repeat it right now that [inaudible] best political responsibility for my father's murder. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (06:37) I knew your dad. And, uh, I liked him a lot as a journalist for NBC. I was based there originally in 1998 when the financial crash happened. Uh, and he was one of the first people I interviewed and he talked about how he was removed as deputy prime minister, because he wanted to close all the banks down, all of these corrupt dozens and dozens of banks. And, uh, they were trying to clean up the system and in the end, Yeltsin buckled under the pressure probably of oligarchy. And, uh, but, but then I followed your father also in Sochi when he ran for mayor, um, and asked him why you, you know, look, he was a governor of new Janine Novgorod region, and then he was deputy prime minister, and then suddenly he's running for mayor in Sochi. And the question was why, and obviously we knew the Olympics were going to go there, but, um, following him around in Sochi and Gary Kasparov was there. Um, and he just said, look, we have to start somewhere again to build a bridge of democracy, a free media, um, and then return Russia to back to development again, instead of this stillborn dictatorship. Um, and he was deeply inspired to do that. So it's a terrible loss for Russia, because if he had stayed as a, as a big political player in Russia, don't you think it would be a very different country today? Zhanna Nemtsov: (08:10) So, first of all, I would like to follow up on, uh, your, uh, uh, most recent remarks and just add to it that my father, uh, also, uh, participated in the original elections in the city of jaroslava and in 2013, he won their elections. He had got elected to the, uh, regional parliament or, uh, of the province of Urus Lovell. And he worked there quite effectively, I should say yes. And, uh, I think that, uh, he was not, uh, an arrogant person and he, uh, wanted to do something, uh, on any level and he was effective and he had a lot of experience in government governance, uh, for example, the region of [inaudible]. Um, so, uh, it's difficult. Uh, I would say yes, if, if my father, uh, had been elected president, uh, in 2000, we would have lived in a totally different country. Uh, of course, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (09:21) What was the point of, and by the way, many people thought that Boris Yeltsin was grooming him to take over, um, and that he would be president one day. And so it was this great opportunity missed by, I think a lot of people think, but what was the point of silencing him, uh, within assassination, because he had been critical of the administration and Putin and the Kremlin for many years, what was the point of it? Zhanna Nemtsov: (09:46) We can make guesses, but we cannot be so sure of our guesses. Uh, so you know that, uh, Russia is a repressive state, uh, it's governed by an autocrat. And of course, all, uh, leaders of the Russian opposition are under threat and on the attack, they can be killed. They can be thrown into prison, they can be poisoned. So it was the case with Alex [inaudible], uh, he was poisoned with Navi, choke a nerve agent, but he managed to survive and was a miracle. So it is how old, uh, autocratic States, uh, behave. There is nothing new about it. They're afraid of losing power and the ultimate goal for any older crowds and put in is by no way, an exception is to retain power presumably full life. So, and of course they are afraid of, uh, any people who, uh, oppose, who are critical of the government, uh, why they, why they, why they chose my father as a target that I don't know, I want to get an answer to this question. It's an important question. Uh, but he was the powerful voice and he was, he was an experienced politician. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (11:19) He was a powerful voice for sure. And I completely agree with you, John. And some people say maybe because that's when the invasion of Ukraine was taking place in the Crimea and he had, he had certain facts on what was sticking out. Zhanna Nemtsov: (11:31) I would, I would, I would, I would say different things regarding what you've just said about Ukraine. Yes. He was working, uh, on an investigative report about Russia's involvement, uh, military actual involvement into Ukraine, but, uh, you have to bear in mind. Uh, their political are in 2014 and 2015. It was very different from what is happening now because Putin, uh, has lost a lot of his legitimacy since 2015. So not back then. Uh, the level of support of Putin was really high. It was literally 87%. So, and, uh, he, uh, of course in this environment, it was way easier to attack, uh, opposition, politicians. And I also think that probably putting head something personal with my father, because my father, uh, I would put it this way. I made really impolite remarks, uh, uh, in regard to Putin, uh, and probably he was really offended with his remarks. I think that he takes a lot of things really personally, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (12:48) If I can ask you then, are there parallels with Alexei Navalny because Nevada needs video of corruption in the Kremlin and Putin Putin's wallets, where he talks in names, names about people who have kept money and shadowy offshore companies for Vladimir Putin, this billion dollar palace. I mean, he is called him a thief and basically called him a mafia leader. Um, it is very personal. Zhanna Nemtsov: (13:15) I would S I would add to that. He calls him a very old man, and that is really personal. Uh, I cannot, I cannot translate it into English directly, uh, but he, uh, he refers to him as [inaudible]. I have to, if you, if you can, if you can translate it, uh, please do that. So, uh, I think that he regards Novalis as his enemy number one, and of course it's because, uh, of Nevada is, uh, investigations into grant corruption in Russia. And of course, because of his personal, uh, attacks, uh, that are that target mainly put, yes, I absolutely agree. And also Nevada, he is a very powerful politician. Uh, he has a network of offices all across Russia and his infrastructure is extremely efficient. So he managed to bring together active people, very capable of working and very passionate about, uh, bringing change to Russia. Uh, of course all these factors contributed to what had happened to all [inaudible]. I mean, his attempted poisoning. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (14:41) Do you fear for his safety in prison now because they tried to poison him in August? Um, they have, he has since come out with this videotape embarrassing, the, and Putin and all of the people around Putin, um, including the federal security service, uh, you know, all sorts of people in government, um, what's going to happen to him. Zhanna Nemtsov: (15:04) Oh, well, I would refrain from making predictions. Um, I am extremely worried. Uh, I think that, uh, there are real threats, uh, for him, and that was the reason why I joined the protest in [inaudible]. I think our active, um, engagement can save his life. And I'm not an exception. I'm a citizen of my country. Uh, I don't want my country to be, uh, an unlovable state. I want my country to be a democratic state, and I want, uh, our rights as citizens to be observed by the authorities. And of course, I feel very personal about Aloxi whom I regard as my friend. So we, uh, we were in touch before his detention. So we met on a number of occasions and I do, I truly believe that he, uh, I would like him to be our next president. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (16:17) What do you think is going to happen with these demonstrations? They are calling for more of them. Do you think that the, and how is the Kremlin going to deal with it? Zhanna Nemtsov: (16:26) Oh, I am not. Uh, um, pre-school who is put in spooks, man. So you have to ask him about, uh, about, uh, their plans. So my plan is the giant, uh, demonstrations on the 31st of January in support of Alexina wildland and in support, uh, of, uh, the idea that we should get rid of our older credit regime, and we should, uh, bring change, bring democratic change to our country. So, uh, I know one, the one thing as we are talking right now, these news came, um, I think one hour, two hours ago. So, um, he is, uh, Allison, Yvonne is not on the arrest till, uh, the 15th of February. So they hearing, uh, regarding, uh, his, um, suspended sentence, uh, is scheduled for the 2nd of February. Uh, but also, uh, there gonna be another hearing on the 28th of January. So, uh, they are going to, uh, consider whether his current arrest, uh, is in with our laws. Zhanna Nemtsov: (17:51) And so I think that is, it is a reaction to massive protest that we had last Saturday. So I think that's a sign that the authorities I afraid of are big crowds and they cannot ignore, uh, our views, our opinions, and the fact that thousands of people took to the streets, not only in most consent Petersburg, but the nutrient auger, the biggest demonstration, and now in the history of our city and everywhere in big cities, in small cities everywhere, I think we are witnessing now affirmation of a nationwide movement. It is what, uh, we didn't have several years ago. Now it might evolve into yes, a nationwide movement against the current political regime. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (18:44) If your father was alive today, what would he be saying? Do you think, Zhanna Nemtsov: (18:49) He'd be saying Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (18:52) These demonstrations about an avant that they knew each other? Of course, Zhanna Nemtsov: (18:56) Of course they work with the charter. My father was very supportive or like Saint of Alexander valine, uh, or he would have joined the protests for sure. I think that he would, uh, have been real outspoken. Uh, he would do everything to, uh, defend Alexina volley because he always, uh, he always defended all political prisoners and he, uh, participated in one man protests in support for political product, uh, prisoners all the time. I think that, uh, he would have been really inspired with what, uh, I swore last Saturday, very martial arts, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (19:40) Knowing your dad. I think he would be inspired. I know he was tough and he was open and democratic, and I think he would be very proud of genre Nimsoft today. So, Zhanna Nemtsov: (19:52) So probably I will have a chance to ask him one day though. I'm not a religious person. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (19:58) Are you going to last question? I know you've done journalism. Are you going to go into, Zhanna Nemtsov: (20:04) I'm still a journalist? What Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (20:06) Are you going to go into politics in Russia? Zhanna Nemtsov: (20:09) Uh, no. Uh, so I basically, I founded the bore center foundation for freedom in Germany. It's registered in Germany and, uh, now I'm focused on the development of the abortions of foundations of freedom. And I find this job really interesting. And I think, uh, we ha we don't have a lot of impact because we are a smaller organization, but we have some input and I want to grow this organization to make it really impactful. We have very few organizations such as the bore center foundation. Uh, it's a policy organization. Yes, we are focused on education on journalism next like that. I am a journalist, uh, uh, till 2020, I worked for Dutch Valley, the German public broadcaster. I interviewed the world leaders, um, in many, in many countries of the world. Um, now I'm, I'm a freelance journalist and I am working on my own projects. Uh, basically all these projects and I'm in English. So I want to switch to English language, journalism, wish me luck, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (21:16) Good luck. And really it was a privilege knowing your dad and it's wonderful meeting you. And thank you so much on it. Zhanna Nemtsov: (21:24) Thank you very much. Have a nice day. Good luck to you. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (21:32) All right, Mikhail, Kasyanov joins me now from just outside of Moscow. He is a Russian politician who served as the prime minister, uh, from 2000 to 2004. And I've interviewed him many times and respect his opinion very deeply on what's happening inside Russia, Mikhail, some stunning events, uh, on the weekend. When you take a look at the, not just the numbers of people, but when you take a look at the landscape of protests, I mean, close to a hundred of them, right across the country. Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (22:01) Yes. Landscape geography as like we say, geography is amazing. It's never happened before in Russia in the last, last 20 years. In fact, it's more than the 500 cities in the old Russia, just, uh, on the streets of conduit, more than a hundred cities, people appear to, to protest, to protest against, uh, against what's what going on in Russia, in the country and protests against arrest of Alexander Berlin. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (22:32) What got them out there? Is it just Navani's arrest or is there more to it Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (22:38) Deeper in fact, people already are tied to of, um, uh, uh, and the discontents by the circus radiating. It has been the Kool-Aid that. And, uh, um, I will say a little less behavior of, of, of authorities on many, many respects. Uh, uh, I would say, uh, of, of authorities to establish some kind of a channel for communication with the, with the society. And, uh, uh, I would say elegant behavior, et cetera, et cetera. But the three gov, this was arrested of [inaudible] who after poisoning came back to Moscow and was arrested at the airport. People were shocked, shocked by that. And a blast on that off the recent, the movie, I would say video reach a place, an interim [inaudible] about the corruption route here, man, the game, of course, uh, just added to these two disrespect as well, too. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (23:39) I sat through that entire video. Um, and I was, I thought it was remarkable. It's very detailed on the corruption of, of Putin, uh, people around him, hundreds of millions of dollars taken this palace near the black sea, you know, Putin shrugged it off this week and kind of smirked. And as you said, arrogantly responded, you know, maybe one day he'd like to have a winery, but, uh, the Kremlin has just said, all of this is false and fiction. Is it fiction? Or is it real? Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (24:12) Yeah, all people of course believe is real. It's not necessarily to be registered as a, as ownership box. In fact, just two minutes, two main factors that, that, uh, the, the sky was locked around that. And, uh, but for, for, for, for, for aircraft and the final quarter, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (24:31) No fly zone by the FSB, the federal security service, Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (24:34) Uh, it was done officially by ministry of transportation because of their authority. But of course, uh, uh, of course I'm the, I'm the security and the whole, the whole area is under security of FSB or secret service, which protects the people. Um, high-level people around it. That's why people, people of course have no doubts, uh, about, about it Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (24:57) And are people outraged. I mean, you know, people are struggling during the pandemic. The economy's not good, their stagnation in Russia. I think that when they take a look at this monstrous palace that, you know, it looks like another Versailles, they must be furious. Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (25:16) There's not, there's not a real, I would say a major aspect, as I said, that was like a trigger or just a decent old, or let's say discom thing to discontent and the people, uh, uh, unacceptable behavior of authorities, et cetera. But, you know, just corruption in Russia is always was a problem. And, uh, a majority of, um, of, um, the generations they lived during the corruptions of during Soviet period. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (25:47) I mean, it's one thing, if you have corruption by bandits, it's another thing, if your leader is seen to be stealing billions of dollars from people though, Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (25:55) Well, young people for new generation who don't have this in there and their memories, of course, for them, it's like explosion for, for, uh, teenagers and on a cheek talk, uh, just, uh, different movies and the different placement there, of course just, uh, very much created the whole atmosphere around it. But as I say, that's not the main issue for majority of those people who were in the streets. Um, now last Saturday, um, mainly that is, uh, um, uh, I would say, uh, discontent is maturing in their minds. And that's what I would like to say. Just the main, the main issue for these 2021 East just constitutional events, elections to state Duma. And that could be, I would say the critical point for the whole historical, I would say, period of Russia at this moment. And this, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (26:51) The thing is that you have parliamentary elections, the Duma, and they're coming up in September and what what's at stake here. Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (26:59) Yeah, that's, that is that's when, uh, that is the issue when, uh, that is the point when people started to understand that, uh, their constitutional rights, they watch our storm or authorities don't allow at all, or in principle, don't allow people to express their, the, the, the, uh, uh, position, uh, to express their opinion. They don't allow opposition parties to participate. They don't allow a position that candidates to participate in elections, or even for those, uh, few, uh, which they allowed to come in. They just then falsified the results. That's what, uh, it happened in December, 2011 and could happen 2022. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (27:44) You ran for president. So Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (27:48) Parliamentary elections, when it goes in present, they cut me from elections. When my supposed to grow, they on the earliest stage one month after registration, they caught me because just them, the stood, that could be a danger, but I mean, I mean, in December, 2010, 2011, there were, there was a results. There was a bill I'm in three elections. And then at that time, um, uh, I would say hundred thousand people in Moscow appeared, uh, Pete on the streets to protest. And at that time, uh, I, sorry, just put started to somehow to relax the situation. Uh, he made a decision to, I would say, ease registration on political parties and some other minor things. But then when demonstrations disappeared from Moscow streets, they stopped all those changes and even, uh, squeeze the whole environment, they won't fill them all Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (28:44) Very quickly. What do you think of Nevani? You know, him, you've met with him many times. You were in a coalition with him where you, at one point what's what's, what's your take on him? I mean, he bravely came back. I don't think a lot of people, Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (28:58) His breath cross on. That's no doubt about that. Even for many, many people who doubt about his, I would say political, I would say strength. So political political position, because sometimes people criticize for him, for him for extreme rights, expressions, or extreme lefts expressions, et cetera, et cetera. But he's really a real leader of the, of the protests on the street progress. He's the leader of this and he's leader of youth. That's definitely, there is no any other of such a, I would say it was such a popularity and he's very brave person. And because of his coming back, many people who didn't support him right now change the attitude to miss Nevada that's. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (29:44) So in that video, then we'll come back to that video for a moment. I mean, she called Putin, abandoned a thief. He listed all of the people with their pictures, with their names, the so-called wallets, the people who store the administration, not the administration store, the president's money illegally in the shadows. That seems like an act of, Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (30:11) As I say, there is no doubt that a in the, right now, the bright sister presented of a position and no one is a, I would say, have doubts about it. Now that's never going to get out of prison. Uh, I don't, I mean, the prison, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (30:30) Is he ever going to be allowed out of prison after doing that video? Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (30:35) That's interesting story right now, there is a discussion about that. In fact, I will tell you on this stage, that behavior of Portugal and the sorority with respect to, um, [inaudible] needs, I would say freedom depends on the position of, uh, leaders of European union, uh, for Russia, for Puccio positional European union. It's very important Russian economy in a very poor position at this moment. And, uh, at least not in relations, economic relations in particular with European union, that's important issue for Mr. Porter. And that's why, that's why, uh, he, I feel he wants and his people around. They want, they want nobody to put the, to put to jail for a long time, but the situation could change. They could somehow to reconsider their emotional or you to this move in. And somehow, somehow just to get a little bit back to the reality and to even legal justice and to release him from these, that would say, uh, convincing what they just artificially created on this stage. And, uh, but in any case he would not be released, uh, completely, but it could be, he could be put on the, in the, in the, in that arrested at home, but not in jail. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (32:00) So you're saying the EU, which is wobbly and wavering on Russia and sanctions. And they met this week and they kind of came up with no decision, which is pretty common for the EU, but they are going to come to Russia. You urge them to take those sanctions. Otherwise, if they don't keep the pressure on Nevada and he may spend a long time in prison, Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (32:23) I have to express just the whole, the whole, I would say, Oh, to, to, to what's happened around my body. When it, first of all, at the issue, number one, that is, uh, application of, uh, of, of nerve agent luggage that is prohibited. And I, as I understand from all those reports, that there is no doubts of, um, uh, uh, organization of, uh, recognition of chemical weapons that the post maybe joked, and there was application of this in Russia is the same Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (32:56) Chemical weapons convention. Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (32:59) That is a violation of the month on national law. That's the issue number one, which could be considered. And secondly, of course, more internal issue like Noah and his arrests there, the human rights abuse, et cetera, but the previous, the, the, the, the, the, the, the primary issue, of course, Navy Nichelle, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (33:18) Ricardo Cassiana hallways, and Hunter to talk to you. Good to see you. Mikhail Kasyanov / former Russia P.M.: (33:22) Thank you very much. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (33:27) Alex Kokcharov is a political risk analyst, and he knows Russia well, Belarus and other parts of Eastern Europe. Hi, Alex, pretty remarkable scenes we've seen, uh, in Moscow and right across the country all the way up to a lot of our stock. Alex Kokcharov: (33:45) Uh, yes, it was quite sizable turn out, uh, in more than a hundred cities across the country from Vladivostok and Yakutsk in Eastern Russia, uh, in Yakutsk people, uh, turned up to protest despite minus 52 degrees Celsius, uh, all the way to the Western cities of Colombian grads, Saatchi and St. Petersburg. So we wanted significant turnout. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (34:11) What do these demonstrations represent? Is this just about the jailing of Nevada County, or is it more, Alex Kokcharov: (34:17) It is a combination of factors and arrest of Nevada was one of those factors. Another factor was a release of, um, a film by Nevada, the steam about allergic, uh, corruption, uh, in the Russian administration and allergic unexplained wealth enjoyed by Alex. Have you seen the video? Yes. I've seen the video. Uh, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (34:43) I think most people, I mean, I think we have to talk about it for a minute, because just saying there's a film out there is not enough. First of all, it is almost two hours. It is very detailed by Alexa and the Valley and his team going through Putin's accumulation of extreme wealth, um, over 20 years. And he named his names, he does flow charts on, he calls them his wallets. Uh, he shows this palace that he has built near the black sea that supposedly could be a billion dollars by their numbers, interior pictures, orders for furniture. And I mean, he really directly goes after president Putin saying that he's a thief and he's surrounded by thieves any stolen from the country. And people have to go to the street and fight this so that the thievery ends it's very powerful. Alex Kokcharov: (35:46) It is. And, uh, it's, it's a very, you know, uh, very interested in film and dozens of millions of people worldwide, not only in Russia have watched it, uh, it is obviously the blockbuster of, uh, uh, you know, of Russia in 2021. It's been watched by nearly a hundred million people, which is remarkable when, when you think about it, if she Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (36:10) Gonna get out of jail, I mean, I think that Putin and the Kremlin knowing them the way I do, and I was in the country for 12 years. Um, the Putin's can not take this not personally. Um, and I think they're going to throw away the key. Alex Kokcharov: (36:28) I think it is increasingly likely that Nevada only will remain in prison for an extended period of time. The fact that he was reportedly targets of an assassination back in August last year when, uh, he was poisoned re again, reportedly with a Novick choppy chemical agents back inside in Siberia suggests that, uh, you know, the rust, some strong, um, decisions, uh, which are made by very senior people in Russia, uh, regarding the Valley, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (37:05) He says Putin would have had to sign off. There's just, nobody else would have allowed a political assassination to take place. Alex Kokcharov: (37:11) Uh, pretty much so. Yes. And, uh, it does sound credible that, uh, um, an order of political assassination of this magnitude would come from very high up in the Russian, in the Russian leadership, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (37:27) If you're good at managing risk and assessing risk in Russia, is this just another attack or do you consider it a new chapter because we've had journalist and it pulled a coast Gaia that was shot at her apartment before because of her reporting on Chechnya, Boris, Nimsoft an opposition figure killed, I mean, literally right in front of the Kremlin. Um, but I mean, the Valley is a very high profile opposition figure for them to take him out now. For what reason? Why, Alex Kokcharov: (38:03) Honestly, we don't know why, you know, if there was an assassination order, uh, we don't know why the timing was in August, 2020. The fact that Nevada has survived it and recovered and decided to come back to Russia, um, obviously sends a strong signal to the Kremlin that he intends to fight, and he intends to, uh, continue his opposition to the Kremlin and to poutine. And it only sends signals to the Kremlin that, uh, in order, uh, to mitigate, uh, Nevada and other opposition figures, uh, the criminal Kremlin must do something. And I think it looks increasingly likely that he will stay in prison for an extended period of time. And the fact that, you know, I think the fact that the way this large protests, uh, it's only, uh, it's only adds to this because if now Nevada said free, it would suggest that the protests work and that the Kremmling, uh, can be pressured into releasing, uh, arrested, uh, political opponents by large-scale turnouts, uh, uh, during protests. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (39:18) Do you think that the Kremlin and Putin are caught in a corner? I mean, they said that they would arrest him the Valley. If he came back, probably hoping that he wouldn't come back, he came back, he forced their hand, and now they're stuck because if they let them out, they look too soft and that's not a good thing in Russia if they keep them in, it's going to keep firing the street and protests. Alex Kokcharov: (39:39) Yes. But I think, I think the calculation is very similar with calculations, which were happening back in 2003 with, uh, businessmen Mikhail. Khodorkovsky there have been threats of his arrest, which he ignored. And he came back to Russia. And despite the fact that he was given multiple warnings, that there will be prosecution against him, unless he stops pursuing political goals, uh, and leaves the country altogether. Uh, he would face an arrest. He disobeyed, he decided to continue, uh, with his political agenda and he was arrested and he spent more than 10 years in prison. And I think it's increasingly likely I see these parallels with Khodorkovsky. And I think it's increasingly likely that the Kremlin will, uh, we'll, we'll keep Navantia in prison for an extended period of time. Despite the fact that, uh, eight, eight, eight is likely to be a trigger to, uh, protests. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (40:45) How do you read Navalny? I mean, Alex Kokcharov: (40:47) Kremlin's perspective, the protests are not life-threatening. They were not yet the way they were quite significant, quite large, but, uh, you know, in Moscow, there are different estimates between 20 and 40, maybe 50,000 people turned up 15 million people, 50, even 50,000 is not significant for protests. So from Kremlin's perspective, uh, Nevada only doesn't come on the streets. Um, so, uh, he cannot mobilize enough people to create genuine threats to the Kremlin, Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (41:24) But he's a popular figure. And they've just made a very popular now. I mean, they've made them, some people have even used the word Mandela. I don't think he's Mendela figure yet, but he's certainly in re in Russia terms, he's not a holder Kowski who was a rich oligarch who ran oil companies and was arrested off his private jet. I mean, Nevada money is, is a pretty common guy. He's a lawyer. And you know, he's not living beyond his means. And suddenly a lot of Russians will identify with him and support him. I mean, you've got videos on Tik TOK where school kids are taking down portraits of Putin and putting up portraits of Nevada County and they have received millions of views. Alex Kokcharov: (42:01) Yes, nav only is quite popular, but we have to remember that his popularity mostly lies with the urban middle is in Moscow St. Petersburg and other larger cities across Russia. And he is still some way off from, you know, popularity amongst various social classes across the country, live in, you know, across different types of localities. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (42:29) Although you saw protests and 11 times zones. I mean, I don't want to overstate the demonstrations either because I think they are still relatively small, but the, the width and the breadth of them across the country shows you that he is tapped into digital media. He is tapped into social media, um, and people now are not getting their news on Navalny from the main Kremlin television stations who get their programming from the Kremlin. I mean, this guy has real support out there in social media with young people, uh, with different age groups in the demonstration. So you can't exactly put a limit on this and say, it's going to end a certain way. We really don't know, do we it's the beginning. Alex Kokcharov: (43:12) Yes. Uh, and I'm not going to dispute this, uh, the fact that these protests took place across the entire country in, in very diverse cities. And, uh, there were, you know, a lot of protests, a lot of protests who actually turned up for the first time to protest, which I think is quite important. Uh, but from the prominence perspective, it's still not enough to, um, to generate genuine threats to the continued, uh, uh, rule of the, of the ruling elite. So of Putin and his administration Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (43:48) Read is right. And I think the Kremlin will dig in here and they're not going to give any ground which leads to more confrontation and more demonstrations in the meantime, last question to you because you deal with risk and you, you deal in, uh, with corporate risk as well. A lot of people, I mean, foreign companies, a lot of them left Russia anyway, with, with the first rounds of sanctions. But do you think that there will be more sanctions because there are certainly a call for that? Alex Kokcharov: (44:15) Well, we've seen these calls for more sanctions by the European union specifically in response to, um, you know, to, to, to, to, to Nevada is the rest and to the use of heavy force against protestors. But also we have to remember that, uh, there are calls, um, for new sanctions in the U S and they STEM from, uh, other things, uh, which also include allegations of cyber attacks by, uh, reportedly Russian actors against us government and us private sector funds. Uh, the cyber attacks, well, very much large scale, and there have been statements from the, at that time. It was still, um, we, uh, team of, uh, president elect by the now president Biden that there will be consequences and that there will be, uh, sanctions coming in response to these, um, incidents. So I think we're likely to see more threats of sanctions and potentially more sanctions. Alex Kokcharov: (45:20) But the big question is what the sanctions will be from the European union. I think personal sanctions against individuals in the, uh, in the criminal administration are more likely rather than, uh, economic sanctions. There are a lot of business interests in the European union, which, uh, still favor doing business in Russia. We know that Russia still supplies a lot of gas and oil to the European union and the infrastructure projects in place, despite the fact that that's subject to us sanctions. Um, so I think is going to be a very mixed picture. Uh, the European union sanctions are less likely to be economic and more personal targeted sanctions against the specific individuals. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (46:05) Let's end where we started when you saw those images on the weekend and how many different cities they were in and watch them unfold through the day. What was your reaction? What did you think? Alex Kokcharov: (46:21) It was impressive. I expected that there will be protests, uh, on, on that day, but I didn't expect that they will be, you know, across the entire country across, uh, so many cities, over a hundred cities across Russia, and they will be such a big turnout. And also I got the impression that the protesters this time around, uh, appear to be somewhat more assertive in their actions and less frightened of the police. And this could mean that could be, can be potential change in the way these protests, uh, uh, take place in the coming weeks. It will be another protest on 31st of January. It's a good Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (47:04) Point because I was watching in Moscow where they were fighting back with police St. Petersburg, where they were pelting them, showering them, burying them with snowballs and fighting and pushing. And, uh, yeah, it's, it's got the potential to kind of spin into a more violent showdown as these continue Alex Cook tariff. Thank you so much. Dana Lewis / Back Story Host: (47:30) Thank you so much. Thanks a lot. Have a good evening. And that's our second backstory on Russia unrest. So much to play for in the country. Putin is getting old and it feels like he's been the president forever 20 years is forever polls show. Most Russians want change. And the question is, will there be a peaceful transition or just more repression and stagnation in that great country? I'm Dana Lewis, please subscribe to the podcast and I'll talk to you again.

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