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traumxrei-archive · 1 year

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Suddenly getting emotional thinking about Jamil and how his life was chosen for him when he was born. If he would take the chance to leave his position if he could- if he'd feel lost with his newfound freedom or resentment at all his skills that, while he's great at them, were gained because he served Kalim.

I wonder how it is that others can't notice Jamil, how others can see him as just Kalim's shadow, how anyone can say, "Just have Jamil do it." And then there's you, who will look past Kalim to look for Jamil. You, who can ignore Kalim unintentionally because your staring at and daydreaming about Jamil. When you ask something of Jamil, you're not asking because it's his duty as a servant or tossing him some task while not caring if he can do it or not- we ask specifically for him because we know he can do it.

And trying to imagine how Jamil would be able to see the difference. How he'd be used to not really being seen- the name Jamil is not an individual, just the name for a faceless, identity-less thing in the background who's supposed to live for others. How he is confused when you show up at the dorm and brush off Kalim's friendly advances because you came specifically for Jamil. How you invite him to be on the other social side that he's always served- "Jamil, you haven't eaten yet, come join us!", "Jamil, you keep doing homework, I can go get that for Kalim", "Leave it for someone else to clean up, we weren't the ones responsible in the first place."

How those sitting with Kalim don't even register that he's in the room, but when it's you, your whole face lights up when you spot him. How you can't look away from his face until you've given him a smile that's brimming with your love for him. And how foreign this feels to Jamil, but maybe he doesn't hate it.

(Aka how I hadn't fully understood how Jamil felt because I acknowledged him as an individual from the start and didn't think properly about how he's typically seen as just an object in the Al-Asim household)

anon.............anon you should open a writing blog. like. i am at a loss. because you put into words the inexplicable sadness that i feel about jamil... this is so perfect that i don't think i'll be able to add much onto it, but i'll try anyway. maybe we'll take jamil's perspective, since you wrote so in depth about the prefect's perspective....

of course, your existence kind of greatly irritated jamil—at first. especially after you ruined his perfect plan to take over scarabia....but that doesn't matter now. now, he's perplexed.

he thought that you would avoid him like the plague, especially after all that he subjected you to during winter break. but instead, he started noticing you. it did help that you had a literal flaming cat next to you at all times, but he started seeing you a whole lot more.

and he felt like you were seeing him.

usually, he would wait on the side in busy hallways as kalim chattered happily with his classmates, waiting to deliver him to his next class. but he found that he was the one being sought out by you. which was weird, everyone had always wanted to talk to kalim, not him. but there you were, asking him mundane questions like how did he make that potion so easily? (practice, he answered.) what did he have for lunch? (kalim's favorite shawarmas. no, he didn't have extras.)

and he wouldn't be lying if he wasn't waiting for a certain question. one where you would ask him for a favor of some sort, and where he would have to don a mask and agree to whatever they wanted but... that question never came. he heard grim hollering for you, and just like that you were gone. huh. now that was new.

jamil noticed it happening more and more as time went by, especially as your visits to the scarabia dorm increased. at first he thought you visited solely for the food. which would mean more work for him. but he found that you weren't with kalim most of the time. rather you were rejecting kalim's proposals for holding feasts quite effectively.

instead you came to him, sometimes for a quick chat, sometimes you'd ask if he needed help. (he would always say no, the response trained into him for years upon years) but you would insist anyway, and he always found a small smile on his face whenever he was faced with your antics. (of course, he tried hard to make sure to hide those smiles behind a carefully placed hand)

jamil didn't really know when "resenting you" became "tolerating you" and he was even more clueless on how that feeling had evolved into "being fond of you".

maybe it was the time where you pushed him right past a messy-looking scarabia lounge, claiming that it wasn't his mess to clean up. or maybe it was one of the times where he was about to bunk basketball practice because kalim had called, and you said you could could meet kalim on his behalf. or maybe the time you pulled him into the school kitchens to show off lopsided-looking vada pavs that you made from one of the cookbooks he lent you.

maybe it was all the little things.

but around you, he didn't feel like "jamil viper, firstborn of the viper family" or "jamil viper, attendant to kalim al asim". no, he felt like "just jamil viper".

and maybe that's why jamil doesn't stop it when he felt that fondness turning into something brighter and more explosive. maybe that was why he started going to you— sitting next to you in your shared classes, bringing you snacks he made during lunch, or even visiting ramshackle. he found that he couldn't get enough of spending time with you. and jamil found that he didn't hate that.

(though jamil never said it outloud, you could see it in the way his eyes sparkled when he was with you, as cliche as it sounded. though his expressions remained schooled, there was something there that told you that jamil viper really, truly cared about you.)

n e ways, that's it for me. i hope you enjoyed reading my addition anon,,,,even though idk if you'll even see this since it's been so long. but i thoroughly enjoyed that sudden jamil brainrot ^^

#/trau replies #/anonnie #anon you sent me a masterpiece #i'm literally sobbing #jamil viper #ueuueueueueeee #jamil viper x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader

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goji-pilled · 2 years

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A continuation of my last ask, it's really unfinished but I'm starting to run out of ideas. Coming up with stuff was actually pretty hard (I am currently exhausted), even as familiars they're pretty much their own people.

This is in that one timeline where Madoka decides to make all the Clara Dolls witch babies. (R.I.P. Homulilly, mother of 14+ gremlins)

I feel like they would quickly gain an unsavory and wide-spread reputation and be known as 'Mitakihara's devils' or something along those lines. People aren't really sure how they were born so there's a lot of rumors about it.

I really can't decide if they should keep the same hair colors they had in their original forms or a combination of Madoka's and Homulilly's, so I left it up in the air. If they keep their hair colors, then the general population would probably sum their birth up to them getting adopted.

I don't know if Ai would 'appear' or not, so I also left it up in the air.

Yeah, I'm pretty exhausted from all of it so I'm just leaving most of it for other people or future me to decide.

Ibari: Oldest, can and will beat you up. A delinquent and bully, has quite the reputation in her school. The only thing she truly fears is her mothers. Protects her younger siblings.

Nekura: 2nd oldest and most pessimistic. Becomes a chuunibyou, but ends up as the wisest out of them after that phase is over

Usotsuki: Likes to gossip, does theater and is in the school’s drama club.

Reiketsu: The most academically smart out of them, younger siblings come to her if they need help with homework

Wagamama: The shortest out of them all, very impatient and has a short fuse (no pun intended).

Warukuchi: Doesn’t gossip or make rumors, she just goes up to people’s faces and insults them.

Noroma: Extremely headstrong,

Yakimochi: Loves her family and will beat up anyone who insults them

Namake: Sleepyhead, often is caught sleeping in class. Sometimes tries to get Reiketsu to do her homework for her.

Mie: 2nd shortest, wears a flower in her hair. Obsessed with fashion

Okubyou: Very shy, is like Homura pre-loops. Uses a shield

Manuke: Is an absolute cinnamon roll, often daydreams. Dumb, but in wholesome/cute way

Higami: A bit naive but very hard-working

Ganko: Stubborn, a very loyal friend, but a brat, youngest of the group (not including Ai)

Ai: Is the youngest and the most like Madoka, is seen as an angel compared to some of her siblings

I can imagine Junko talking about them at work and showing a picture of them like "Here's me, my son, my daughter, my daughter in law, and my 14+ granddaughters" and everyone there being understandably shocked by it.

Another idea: Homulilly stops time to try and take a break but they're all immune to the time stop.

Ohhhhhhhhhh so many kids!!!!!

#felix answers #hehe 14 little rascals...

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quiisquiliae · 1 year

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What’s in a name? -Talon edition

Tl;dr Talon changes his name several times throughout his life by default, typically going from Arthur to Talon and usually ends up settling on Rowan.

There is way too much going on with this child’s name and the thought that went into it so we’re gonna put it under a cut.

IN THE BEGINNING GOD CREATED- no jk, but for real, the beginning is probably the best place to start. Or so I’ve been told. So once upon a time, before I created Talon, I had a character named Ashe. Consider this Ashe the prototype for the one who exists on the blog today. (This is relevant, I swear.) Ashe was given the name of the character I mained when I played League of Legends. I wanted to make more characters in Dragon Age, and decided to stick with a naming theme to avoid spending hours on baby name sites to create characters I didn’t plan on getting so damn attached to. There was (is?) a character on League that is (was?) named Talon which I thought would be a badass name for an assassin, which is what I wanted to play next.

Thus, Talon, who was at this time a name and 3-4 character traits, was born. And I got absurdly attached.

Please keep in mind that at this point in my life I was working in a call center and had arguably too much down time and was not allowed to do homework. So I daydreamed and got a little too into character creation. Talon’s character grew. I got a little too attached. I heard about this thing called roleplay and here we are. I digress.

Talon, at the time of his “birth” was a Trevelyan who had ran away from home due to a shitty home life. (Sound familiar?) I decided for whatever reason that his noble family was the type who took themselves a little too seriously and was trying to come up with the most ridiculously pompous names I could, which would lend itself to why Talon would be so thrilled to drop it and leave it behind.

The name Æthelbert Letholdus Trevelyan was the best I could do. (Side note #15, apparently Æthelbert is old English name meaning “noble” or “bright”.) Now, in his companion verse, I didn’t want to try and deal with family dynamics when playing him against other Trevelyans, so I made him a commoner. Æthelbert translates in modern English to both Albert and Arthur, both names sounded more like one a commoner would have. I’m not real keen on either, but of the two, Arthur is one I can live with. Thus, we have Arthur as a birth name. Eventually, his companion AU background became his current DA one regardless of Inquisiting status and Arthur has been his birth name ever since.

OK cool Trip, we have his two names, Arthur and then Talon. What made him change it? A lot of it (ok 99.9% of it) comes from how the lad handles his traumatic childhood. Which is, not well. Growing up, as he was dealing with his shit father and shit situation, he feels as though it’s his fault. Like he’s letting this happen to him. He’s not, you know this and I know this, but that’s not the point right now. Arthur decides to run away, and when he does, he decides and promises himself he’s never going to let that shit happen again. He doesn’t want to be the scared little kid that he was and dropping his name is one way he separates himself from the trauma of the past.

Arthur is about 10 years old at this point, and wants something that’s badass and shows he’s not someone to be fucked with. Talon sounds cool, badass, and the kid is 10 and socially stunted. He’s not going to come up with something good. So Talon it is, and that’s what he’s known as for the next decade or so. It just sorta sticks.

Now, in modern he’d likely change his name legally (cuz he honestly hates Arthur) and in his Inquisitor verse, he would change his name once more when he disbands the Inquisition. Rowan would be the new name he chooses, as it’s a little more normal and a strong name that he feels fits himself. Why does he do this? By this time (at least in DA, in modern it’s literally because he hates his birth name) the name Talon is synonymous with Inquisitor and Herald. Talon has disbanded the Inquisition, and literally wants nothing more than to fade back into obscurity. *** Placing asterisks for a foot note later. Talon drops his name and picks up Rowan to help with this transition to the next chapter of his life. He is no longer the Inquisitor, thus, he is no longer Talon.

Companion verse, this is much less of an issue so he just sticks with Talon the rest of his life.

Arthur -> Talon -> Rowan

And that my friends, is why Talon changes his names several times throughout his life.

***Footnote***

Talon is illiterate in DA, so there’s no writings BY him future historians would be able to use to piece together what is going on at this time. There would probably not be anything surviving that puts together the fact that “Inquisitor Talon” and Rowan are the same person. The only records future historians have access to would be anything surviving that refers to him as “Inquisitor Talon” which would likely be mistranslated as “Inquisitor’s Talons”. This would almost certainly be assumed to be some sort of ancient lost tech that was used to defeat Corypheus and save the world. Please just imagine future archeologists searching for this lost technology that doesn’t exist, like how people search for the Holy Grail or the Ark of the Covenant today. (Which may or may not exist.)

Talon would find this to be absolutely hilarious, and better than anything he could have asked for, or come up with when he was alive.

#{headcanons and meta: talon}#this got long but i needed to get that one out whoops

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yagirlpurplefox12 · 2 years

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Imagine:

Being a Muggle born student and having a crush on Professor Dumbledore

Male Reader

No romance/illegal/taboo (you are only 15)

Just a fluffy, tsundere crush on your favorite DADA teacher

Being in (House Name), you always wonder if you fit in. Maybe the hat made a mistake and sorted you in the wrong house? That’s what you have thought since your first year at Hogwarts, but over time you just got used to not fitting in with the majority of people. Not all was lonely, no, you had two great friends and somehow got along with every professors…even though you were a little temperamental and hard to read. Your smile could be you crying for help and your smarts and wit could be you trying to not show your weakness in a subject.

Newt Scamander and Leta Lestrange are your best friends and have been since the first year.

They were all you had…at least in the Wizarding as your parents and the rest of your family are muggles.

Then you started gaining another friend. Much older than you, but someone you could count on starting the end of your second year. Professor Dumbledore.

You were acting out. Which was nothing strange as teenagers do that on a daily basis…but you were very outspoken and through pranks on everyone, even the painting. By the middle of second year, everyone knew your name. So one day, Professor Dumbledore kept you after class so you and him could have a little talk. The talk did not go so well. He was trying to reason and you were boomeranging back, acting between a snake and a loud bulldog.

“You know, Mr. (last name), if you ever need to talk I’ll be here with open ears.”

And he was. You felt absolutely awful for treating him the way you did. Especially since he had been your favorite and best looking Professor from the first year you were here. So, you decided to give him an apology before going back home for the summer. Sneaking out to Hogsmead a little past curfew with Newt and Leta allegedly helping you do so, you went out and boy some bottles of butter beer, a nice leather journal and quill, and even a new grey coat.

When it was time to give him the gifts, which you even took time bagging and wrapping, you made sure it was just the two of you.

Knocking on his office door, he invited you in.

Pushing down how nervous you were, you sauntered in with a little smirk which only grew when he look at the presents in your arms. “Felt bad for giving you a hard time this year…you only wanted best for me yet I pushed you away. I’m sorry and I hope this will make it up,” you say truthfully.

“Mr. (Last name), you didn’t have too…when did you have the time to get—?”

“Who cares when I got these? I just, please Professor Dumbledore.”

He gazed at you for a while, making you feel embarrassed and a little clammy. His blue eyes twinkled in thought before accepting your plea and opening your presents.

Now to present time you will admit that you are in love without feeling awkward or judged. You’ve been judged by everyone except Newt and Leta anyways, so you don’t care about how anyone else thinks. Especially the pure bloods for not only do they already think they are better than everyone but now they can dislike you even more for being openly interested in a man. Interested in someone with the same gender as you.

Though, you are still struggling in life but you know how to handle it better and being strong mentally and physically helps with that. Newt, Leta, and you just finished lunch and you have a free period unlike the other two. Which sucks since you love hanging out with them, but having alone time feels good at the same time. Saying bye to them, you head to your favorite spot.

On top of the Astronomy tower.

Your favorite place to read, eat snacks, smoke some Mary-Jane, do homework, and daydream.

Apparating up there, you almost fell off if it were not for Professor Dumbledore grabbing you by the front of your robe and bringing you into his arms.

“Professor!”

“(First name), how many times do I have to tell you that apparating is still too complex for you? You landed on the ledge, not even in the safe area of the tower.”

“I’m working on it.”

“How about you work on it starting somewhere safer?”

He let’s go of you and stuffs his hands in his pockets, grinning at you while sighing. “What am I going to do with you?”

“You always wear it,” you mumble with a shy smile.

At first he doesn’t understand what you mean, but from what you are looking at, he chuckles and pats your shoulder. “You gave me wonderful presents and I cherish all of them. Except the butter beer, I drank that whole pack in half an hour.”

The both of you laugh and you feel the tension you had for the past two months leave your body. “Bloody hell. Think you cherished the butter beer Professor. Must have liked it a lot.”

“And I did as it was the thought that counts. You risked curfew to get me things that you surprisingly knew I would like because you felt bad about how you treated me. Not even those who I had dated or even family knows what I like…but you do. Why is that?”

He said the last three words to himself, which you know but still answer him.

“Because I like you Professor and I’m pretty sure you know that. I mean, c’mon, you’re handsome and funny,” you say without shame.

He chuckles looking away.

Afraid you are making him feel uncomfortable you open your mouth to apologize but he stops you. “You have grown throughout the years, (first name). Being more responsible for your actions and being honest with not just to everyone but to yourself also. I am flattered you like me, even though I am an old man. I have no doubt that one day you will be one of the most powerful wizards that even pure bloods will be intimidated.”

Biting your lip, you look him straight in the eyes, “If that happens, I want you to be there by my side.”

“Well then, we’ll just have to wait and see. Right, (first name)?”

“Right Professor.”

“Oh, and one question…where did you get Weed?”

“Uhh…”

———————

Part 2

#albus dumbledore #dumbledore #male reader #male #reader #dumbledore x male reader #x male reader #x reader #fantastic beasts #Albus x male reader #albus dumbledore x male reader #imagine #gif #harry potter #dumbledore imagine #student #purplefox12

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hawks-supremacy · 3 years

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False Soulmates

summary: you fantasized about meeting your soulmate all the time when you were a kid, but when you finally meet him you begin to think having a soulmate isn't all that it's cut out to be

pairing: oikawa x reader

warnings: swearing, angst

genre: angst to fluff

word count: 3.7k

a/n: It's my birthday! I turned 21 which means I can now legally do basically anything. It also mans this is the last fic for the seven days up until my birthday.

Everyone in the world is born with a soulmate, their other half. When you speak your first words the first words your soulmate says to you appear on you. Some people can go their whole lives without meeting theirs. They don’t search or they’re on the other side of the world. For some people this is okay and they simply marry someone else. You don’t need your soulmate to live a happy life. However, life is better with your soulmate. It’s the person who was made to understand and accept everything about you. Life wasn’t picture perfect, soulmates still fought. It was just better.

Ever since your parents explained to you what the words on your ribs meant you couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate. You fantasized about it everyday, what they would look like or act like. You were constantly daydreaming about the day you’d meet the person who said those words that were permanently etched into your skin. Of course you hoped you’d have easier words than “hey cutie” but at least you knew he thought you were cute. Now you were just hoping you didn’t say something stupid in return.

It was your first year at Aoba Johsai when you unfortunately met your soulmate. Where you learned he greeted nearly everyone with “hey cutie” and before you could respond he was whisked away by his best friend. It was your first year when you learned your soulmate was Oikawa Toru and it was your first year when you learned some people will do anything to be with whoever they want.

You overheard girls constantly going up to Oikawa claiming to be his soulmate and you constantly heard him tell them that they weren’t. You hated having the locker across from his. He got notes from girls who said that he was their soulmate but they were too shy to tell him in person. He got people trying to guess what his soulmate's first words were. You hated having a locker across from him because you overheard him tell Iwaizumi that he was tired of people pretending they were his soulmate.

It was your second year when you finally worked up the courage to talk to Oikawa and it was your second year when you learned you hated your soulmate. You walked up to the locker ready to explain that you were his soulmate and you were too scared to tell him when he yelled at you. Before you could get a word out he was telling you to go away.

It was after school and you stayed late in the library to tutor someone in your class. You went to your locker and saw Oikawa at this locker with his friends. You figured now would be the best time since it was just the five of you and the school was empty. You took a deep breath and took the three steps across the hallway to Oikawa’s locker. You were about to speak when he beat you to it. “Could you stop? God I am so tired of all of you pretending to be my soulmate when you’re not. Do you know how hard that makes it for me? You’re all so annoying just leave me alone.” You stood there as he yelled at you for trying to talk to him. You stood there as you felt your heart breaking when you barely even knew Oikawa. When he was done speaking you just turned and walked away as you felt tears streaming down your face.

It was the next day at school when Oikawa apologized to you for yelling at you. You just nodded and walked away, still too embarrassed to talk to him. It was a few weeks later when he started dating the volleyball team manager. That was when you had to listen to your soulmate talk about how he finally found his “soulmate”. You listened as he talked about his “soulmate” to his friends and about how amazing she was. You watched as she went up to Oikawa and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. You thought your soulmate yelling at you was the worst thing that could happen to you, but you were wrong.

It was a month after Oikawa had started dating her when you rounded the corner to the exit of the school and heard his girlfriend talking to her friends. You felt bad as you eavesdropped but the guilt you felt was quickly overtaken with anger. “We know he’s not your soulmate, so how’d you get him to believe you were?” One of her friends asked. “Well at practice one day I saw his soulmate mark. So I just went up to him and said it. Easy as that, he didn’t really question it since we’ve never spoken prior to that.”

“So you lied to him? How considerate of you. How long do you think you can keep that up?” You asked, turning the corner. “However long I want. It’s not like you’re going to tell him.” She scoffed and walked away leaving you in the hallway. You thought about as you walked home, you may not be on the best terms with Oikawa due to the fact he unknowingly ripped out your heart and stomped on it; but you also couldn’t let this girl pretend to be his soulmate. So you decided you would tell him.

The next day at school you went to tell Oikawa about what you heard yesterday, however, when you went to go talk to him he walked away from you. You thought he just didn’t see you so you figured you’d try again later, but he walked away from you again and again, and again. Every time you tried to talk to him he avoided you. You eventually found Iwaizumi and decided to tell him in hopes he would pass the message onto Oikawa.

“Iwaizumi, can I talk to you for a second?” He turned around as you approached him with the question. “Oikawa’s girlfriend isn’t his soulmate.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, mumbling whatever and turned around. You ran in front of him preventing him from moving , “I’m being serious. I don’t know how or when but at some point she saw his soulmate words and used them to make it seem like she was his soulmate. I heard her tell her friends yesterday.”

“Look Y/n,” he started off with a sigh, “She told us you were going to try to split them up. We didn’t really believe her at first, but you just proved her point. I don’t know what motive you have for doing this but you should really stop. First you tried to pretend like you were his soulmate and now you’re claiming his actual soulmate is lying about it? Just leave him alone.” He finished walking around you.

You turned around as frustrated tears started welling up in your eyes, “I am his soulmate asshole! You both are jerks, I don’t want him as my soulmate anyway. Wish him luck for me.” He turned around looking shocked at how genuine you sounded and how hurt you looked. He started saying your name before you cut him off, “Forget it Iwaizumi, he clearly doesn’t want me as his either.” You walked away leaving Iwaizumi with more doubts than what he started with.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were hanging out at Iwaizumi’s house studying when Iwaizumi brought you up, “Y/n stopped me at school today.” He said testing the waters. “Oh yeah? What’d they say?” Oikawa responded, bored with the conversation already. “They said that they overheard Himari say she wasn’t your soulmate. That she saw your soulmate words and that’s how she knew what to say.” Iwaizumi stopped studying and looked up at Oikawa who paused what he was writing before rolling his eyes and continuing his homework.

“That doesn’t make any sense, besides Himi said they would try and break us up. What would she gain out of pretending to be my soulmate anyway?” Oikawa mumbled. Iwaizumi thought for a second before remembering the hurt look on your face and the sound of your voice. “Y/n also said that they were your soulmate, and before you say anything you didn’t hear their voice or the look on their face. They were really hurt.

Oikawa sighed, setting his pencil down and looking at Iwaizumi annoyed, “I don’t know why we’re still talking about this. Himi said this was going to happen and it did. This also isn’t the first time Y/n tried to claim to be my soulmate. Now drop it, please.” Iwaizumi shut up for the remainder of the time.

It was your third year and Oikawa was still dating Himari, Iwaizumi never brought you up again but ever since you talked to him something about her never sat right with him. Iwaizumi had a few conversations with you since then but never brought it up to you either. You were sitting behind the school eating lunch when Iwaizumi sat down next to you, “Show me your soulmate mark.” You whipped your head towards him in confusion mumbling “what?” with a mouthful of food. “Show me your soulmate mark.” He repeated and you slowly finished the bite you were chewing, still confused. “What? Why?”

“Ever since you talked to me last year about Oikawa and Himari something never sat right with me. So show me your soulmate’s first words said to you and I’ll try and help you.” He sighed while rubbing his face. The past year had been tiring for him, he brought you up one other time to Oikawa and Himari both, but as soon as Himari started crying Oikawa snapped. “Uhm no thanks, I can tell you what it says but I’m not lifting up my shirt to show you it.” You weren’t about to lift up your shirt just to maybe prove a point. Nothing is solidified unless you actually say something to Oikawa and you doubt that’s happening anytime soon.

Iwaizumi nodded, agreeing to your terms. “It says “hey cutie” but Oikawa says that to everyone. We won’t know if it is Oikawa unless I say something to him first anyway. For all we know someone else might say that to me. I don’t even know if I want your help anyway. They seem happy just let them be, they clearly deserve each other. Maybe the universe made a mistake.” You said and returned to eating your food.

Iwaizumi leaned back against the building thinking. He’s never seen Himari’s soulmate mark but he’s seen Oikawa’s. It was in the same place as yours so he’s not sure when Himari would’ve seen it. All he knows is Himari started being the volleyball team manager as one of Oikawa’s fangirls and never spoke to Oikawa, then she just randomly walked up and talked to him. It didn’t sit right with Iwaizumi and no matter how many times Oikawa said he was happy he finally found his soulmate he never actually seemed happy.

He was about to say something when someone beat him to it. “Seriously? Are you still trying to convince Iwa that you’re my soulmate Y/n? This is starting to get pathetic and you Iwa? Are you actually entertaining this? Come on Iwa-chan, let's go.” Oikawa said, hands crossed scowling at the both of you. “How do you know they’re lying? Have you seen Himari’s soulmate mark?” Iwaizumi asked, not moving from his spot next to you on the ground. Oikawa thought for a second furrowing his eyebrows and unfurrowing them, “No but what does that have to do with anything? Are you accusing my girlfriend of lying to me? I believe Himi, she said the words that have been on me for years. It's not like it’s a coincidence.”

“How do you know Y/n’s lying? You’ve never let them say a word to you. You’ve only ever yelled at them.” Iwaizumi got up from his place on the ground defending you. You aren’t the closest or anything but after the few conversations he’s had with you, he would still consider you a friend. He liked you a whole hell of a lot more than he liked Himari that’s for sure. You got up from your place on the ground and tugged on Iwaizumi’s sleeve. “Just let it go, I don’t care anymore.” You said as he turned his head to look at you.

“No you wanna prove you’re my soulmate so bad, go ahead prove it. Say your first words to me and we can move along and I can go find Himari and continue my life. You can finally leave me alone.” Oikawa said, walking closer to you and Iwaizumi. You shook your head fed up with it already. Even if he found out you weren’t sure you wanted him to be your soulmate anyway with all that he’s put you through. Every time Oikawa opened his mouth you seemed to get more angry with him. He was still talking when you cut him off, “Fine, I’m your soulmate you asshole! Are you happy now?!”

You didn’t give anyone a chance to say anything as you stormed off. After three years of knowing Oikawa was your soulmate he finally wanted to hear you out. You couldn’t believe the nerve of him or Himari. You still don’t know why she faked being his soulmate, his fangirls are just desperate you guessed. As you walked into classes now significantly more pissed off than you were before lunch, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were talking behind the school.

“Did you tell them?” Oikawa asked, narrowing his eyes. “You’re ridiculous of course I didn’t tell them, you really think I’d do that? Besides, they sounded a lot more believable saying that then Himari did last year.” Oikawa sat on the ground leaning against the school with his head in his hands. “I’m still having a hard time believing it, I mean why would Himari do that? Oh god I was a jerk to my soulmate for two years. And they didn’t say anything. I didn’t let them say anything. I don’t think I can make this up to them. I really fucked up.”

“Yeah you did. You’re gonna spend the rest of your life digging your way out of this one. That is if Y/n gives you the chance. Even if they do, I doubt they’ll let you forget about it. First things first though, you need to break up with Himari.” Oikawa nodded as Iwaizumi patted him on the back, helping him up from the ground. They got back to class and the first thing Oikawa did once school ended was find Himari and break up with her.

A few minutes after breaking up with her he went to his locker and found Himari yelling at you. “What are you doing Himari? It’s over, they had nothing to do with it. This was all your own fault, did you honestly expect us to stay together forever? Even if they hadn’t finally gotten it through my thick skull I would’ve found out eventually.” He said standing in between you and Himari. She huffed and walked away yelling various profanities at the two of you. Oikawa turned to you to apologize but you were facing your locker, ignoring him.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I know it doesn’t help at all but I am. I was too caught up in the fact that I might’ve finally found my soulmate that I didn’t want to be told I was wrong. It still doesn’t make up for the fact that I was a jerk to you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. Please let me try.” Oikawa leaned against the locker next to yours as he practically begged.

You closed your locker looking at Oikawa with a blank look. “No.” Oikawa looked confused as he mimicked the word in a questioning tone. “Yeah, no. Look Oikawa, you’re my soulmate but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. You’re right, you treated me like shit for the past year and a half. I’m not about to just forgive and forget, because while you were off playing soulmates with Himari your actual soulmate was hurt and heartbroken because you couldn’t give them the time of day. So no Oikawa I won’t let you.” You walked off for the second time today, leaving Oikawa standing in the middle of the hallway.

“You kinda deserved that one sorry dude.” Matsukawa said, clapping Oikawa on the back. “I know I just don’t know how I’m going to make it up to them. I really hurt Y/n and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m scared I’m not going to have a soulmate for very long.” Oikawa tried following you out of the school but Iwaizumi stopped him telling him to let it go for today. Oikawa listened and begrudgingly went to practice. For the first time in his life he didn’t want to go to Volleyball practice. Instead he wished he was with you desperately trying to make everything up to you Trying to patch things up.

For the next few months Oikawa spent his time constantly trying to make things up to you. He told you he was sorry at least once a week and bought your favorite snacks as gifts to you. It started off with him leaving some chocolates you didn’t much care for in your locker. When you told him you didn’t really like them his response was, “Well why don’t you tell me what you like so I can get you the proper gifts.” You just shook your head and walked away after telling him thanks. You may have been mad at him but you weren’t rude.

The second time he tried doing something to apologize he did it publicly. Iwaizumi tried to talk him out of it knowing you weren’t going to like having all of the attention but Oikawa refused to listen. So he made this big grand gesture in the middle of the cafeteria at school. You didn’t say anything as your face grew red and you walked out of the cafeteria, leaving Oikawa walking back to his friends while Iwaizumi told him, “I told you so.”

He didn’t really try to do anything big after that, just small things to let you know he was there. Eventually he started walking you to and from school after learning you didn’t live that far from each other. Slowly you started to forgive him, but you weren’t about to jump right into dating. So you stayed friends. You let him walk you to school and sat with him at lunch. You went to all of his games that you could easily travel to. You were beginning to forgive him and that’s all Oikawa could ask for.

“I’m thinking about leaving Japan after we graduate.” He said one day while you were hanging out at his house. His parents knew you guys were soulmates and gave him an earful after hearing about what he had done, his sister still teases him about it whenever she visits with Takeru. You were hanging off of his bed when he made that statement and you sat up. “Where are you gonna go?” You asked, moving to the edge of the bed. “I’m not sure yet. I have a few offers but I think I’m going to go with Brazil.” He moved from his desk to the spot next to you on the bed. “Unless you think I should stay here.”

“You think I want to be the reason you don’t follow your dreams? Hell no, Oikawa. Go to where you think is best for you and your future goals. Not where I’m gonna be. We can still facetime and call. Besides, you should be able to visit for the holidays. Who knows, maybe I’ll find a school in Brazil to go to.” Oikawa looked at you surprised, he knew you were starting to forgive him but he didn’t think you’d be willing to go with him.

“You don’t have to do that, you know. I couldn’t ask you to come with me. Of course I would love it if you would, but only if you think you’d be happy there. I’ve put you through enough Y/n I can’t ask you to do this as well.” You rolled your eyes covering his mouth with your hand. “Shut up for once. I’m not mad at you anymore, I’m never gonna let you forget it, but I’m not mad. I’m not saying I’m going to for sure go with you wherever you go and follow you blindly. I’m saying if I find a school I like and get accepted then I’ll move with you. I just got you to realize I’m your soulmate, I’m not quite ready to give that up just yet, Toru.” You finished your mini speech removing your hand from his mouth. You expected him to immediately start talking but he just stared at you for a while. “Toru? You’re freaking me out. Blink or something at least.” He didn’t say anything as he pulled you into a hug thanking you.

A few months later and you were helping pack boxes at Toru’s house, “I told you not to wait until the last minute to pack Toru. Now we’re rushing so you’re ready to leave on time.” You scolded sorting like things into boxes. “Maybe if my beautiful s/o hadn’t distracted me when I was supposed to be packing we’d be fine.” He said coming up and wrapping his arms around your waist pecking you on the cheek. You laughed as you lightly shoved him away, “Toru I’m serious we’re going to miss our flight if you don’t hurry up. I have orientation next week and you start practice soon. We need to get there early to settle into the apartment and look around the city so we’re not lost right away.”

He shook his head, laughing as he finally helped you pack his bags. Before you know it you’re in Brazil moving into an apartment with your boyfriend. Sure your relationship was rocky, but you couldn’t imagine spending your time with anyone else.

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oikawa #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagine #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #soulmate au #haikyuu au #oikawa angst #oikawa imagine #hq oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa fluff #haikyuu angst

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writeforfandoms · 3 years

Text

Were you Blinded by the Stars

Find my masterlist

This is part two of Songbird. There really isn’t a lot plot-wise going on here. A few hints, but nothing major. I just wanted to show a soft night between these two, really. It was fun to explore that side of Fennec. But don’t worry, we’ll be seeing badass Fennec again very soon.

Warnings: Some kissing. Not much else.

Your life had changed two weeks ago. Apart from a brief trip back to Mos Eisley to collect your few belongings you couldn’t live without (and another thrilling speeder bike ride behind Fennec), you’d settled into the palace easily. As far as bosses went, Fett was pretty good - you made about the same here, but room and board was included. There was a very strict policy at the bar of “don’t touch the staff”.

You knew exactly how seriously both Fett and Fennec took it. The first time someone had grabbed you, Fennec had appeared practically out of nowhere and bodily thrown the man from the room with a little smirk.

The room had notably settled after that, and you had notably been unable to look away from her.

So long as you didn’t ask questions, people by and large left you alone. They seemed to all be… associates of Fett, in one way or another. He could often be seen lounging on the throne, speaking with someone. Sometimes Fennec, sometimes others. Not that you were paying attention, but you noticed faces. You were good at faces. Names, not so much, but faces? You remembered faces.

Things were… good. You were cautiously optimistic. You actually had some credits stashed away in case you needed it. Nobody harassed you at work anymore.

And, perhaps best of all, Fennec had taken to walking you back to your room every night. And tonight was no different.

Once the lights were down and everyone was out of the throne room, you finally let your smile slip and your shoulders slump. You were tired. It wasn’t hard work, not really, but it was exhausting. You wiped down the last glass for the night, stacked it safely with the others, and then stretched your arms up over your head, trying to get rid of some of the tension that had settled in your shoulders and upper back.

“I’d say you should stretch like that more often, but you’d make more work for me.”

You squeaked and jumped when Fennec spoke from off to your side, just out of your line of sight. “Maker, Fennec, you’re going to kill me,” you muttered, pressing a hand to your chest.

“That would be a shame.” Fennec stepped closer to you, carefully moving around to your front. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” You set the rag down under the bar. Fennec held out one hand and, without even thinking about it, you grabbed her hand, squeezing gently. Fennec nodded and the two of you set off.

Tonight, however, instead of turning down the hallway towards your room, Fennec continued on straight.

“Fennec…?” you murmured, uncertain. Not scared. But this was new. You wanted to know what was going on.

“What’s the rule?” Fennec asked, sounding amused.

You sighed, exasperatedly indulgent. “Hold tight and you’ll keep me safe. But Fen--”

Fennec just tugged you along, pushing open a door you’d never seen before. This door led to a short hallway, one door on either side, and a staircase at the end. You ascended the stairs, still confused but unwilling to really dig your heels in. You knew Fennec wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. And, honestly, now you were curious.

Finally, Fennec pushed open another door, and the two of you were outside. On top of the palace, it looked like. You could see for miles in every direction.

Well. You supposed you could - it was fully dark outside, so you honestly couldn’t see much out into the desert.

The sky, on the other hand. The sky was a very different story.

An awed gasp passed your lips as you looked up. You felt like you could see everything. Every star, every twinkle. It was beautiful.

“Here.” Fennec tugged on your hand gently to get your attention, leading you over to a blanket. She had you sit and pulled another blanket from a waiting bag, throwing this one around your shoulders. And then she promptly sat next to you, pressed up against your side, sharing the blanket with you. You felt blood rush to your cheeks.

“Fennec…” You breathed, looking at her. You weren’t quite sure exactly what expression you were making, but it made her lips quirk.

“Relax,” she encouraged, sliding one arm around you under the blanket to tug you in even closer. She tipped her head back to look up at the sky. You meant to follow her example, you really did. You just… took a few moments to admire the stretch of her neck, the soft lighting on her features. And then you looked up at the sky, heart beating wildly in your chest.

“You been to any of those?” Fennec asked, almost lazily. Except you knew Fennec better now. She didn’t ask pointless questions. So she wanted to know. Why, you weren’t sure exactly.

“No,” you answered easily. “I was born here. I wanted to travel, when I was younger, but.” You shrugged a little, careful not to dislodge her arm. “Life happened.” Looking up at the stars was easier than looking at her, for this.

Fennec hummed a considering note. After a moment, she laid back and used her grip on you to bring you down with her. A moment of shuffling had you using her arm as a pillow, which made you smile. “Would you want to?”

“Travel? Now?” You considered the question. It hadn’t been a possibility for most of your adult life. Sure, you weren’t starving, but you certainly weren’t saving up the credits to get an off world transport. “I mean. I guess? I don’t really know. Haven’t thought about it in years, not really.” That was only a little lie. You had thought about it. Daydreamed, really. It was one of the things that had gotten you through years of bar fights and broken glasses.

“You guess?” Fennec sounded amused. You chanced a quick peek at her to find her still looking up at the sky, more relaxed than you’d ever seen her. A little smile quirked up the corners of her lips.

“Well.” You felt blood rushing to your cheeks… again. If this kept up, you’d turn a permanently different color. “I would still like to see things and go new places, but…” You trailed off, shrugging again. It wasn’t something you’d put too much thought into, honestly. Not in the last few weeks, certainly.

"But?" Fennec pushed gently.

"I don't know. Things are different now." You huffed, almost a laugh. "It's a moot point anyway, no way I'd get enough credits for something like that."

Fennec huffed a laugh of her own, a secretive smile curling her lips. But she mercifully stopped asking, instead pulling you a little closer to her. It was chilly, sure, with a bit of a breeze, but between Fennec and the blanket you felt nice and warm.

Your eyes were just starting to drop closed when you realized the sky was getting lighter. You blinked a few times and then propped yourself up on your elbows to check, ignoring the faint, disgruntled murmur from Fennec. The sky was lightening. It was nearly sunrise.

"How long have we been out here?" You asked, looking down at Fennec.

"Couple hours." Fennec shrugged, long fingers curling around your shoulder to try to tug you back down to her side.

"We should go back in," you muttered, starting to fret.

"Why?" Fennec challenged. "You don't have work tonight, you can sleep in."

"What about you?" You frowned a little at her.

Fennec smiled. It wasn't the first smile you'd gotten from her, but it was bigger than usual, more relaxed. "I'll get a few hours," she promised. She knocked one of your elbows out from under you, sending you sprawling down again with a yelp. "Stay a little longer."

"Pushy." But you snuggled back into her side readily enough. The two of you relaxed there, watching the sky change colors and stars slowly vanish from sight.

Finally, once the first sun had actually broached the horizon, Fennec sat up. "You should go rest."

"I've been resting." You pouted up at her playfully.

"Careful," she murmured, smirking down at you. "Or I'll take you back to my room instead."

You considered it. You actually did. And then you shook your head, just a little. "Not tonight. Or. Well. This morning, I suppose."

Fennec nodded, accepting that easily, and stood. She whipped the blanket off of you, rolling it up and pushing it into the bag. "Up you get, then, little mouse."

You made a face at her but stood. Much to your mortification and consternation, that nickname had stuck from the first time Fett had used it.

Fennec led the way back into the palace and back down the stairs, though she kept pace with you. Which you appreciated. You were tired and slower than usual.

Finally, though, the two of you stopped in front of your door. You could hear people starting to stir to life around you, the day beginning anew. You were honestly disappointed your day finally had to end.

"Here," Fennec said, pushing a datapad into your hands. "A little homework for you."

"What's this for?" You murmured, frowning down at it briefly.

"I want you to tell me where you'd go, if you could," Fennec said, watching you. "Pick a planet. Any planet. Not now, think about it."

"What for?" You asked, confused.

"Just pick." One if her hands cupped your cheek, long fingers delicate against your skin. "Can you do that for me?"

"Okay," you agreed easily.

Fennec smiled, pleased, and leaned in to kiss you slow and dirty, her tongue exploring every centimeter of your mouth. When she pulled back, her lips were shiny, and you were panting a little. She smirked and winked at you. "Sweet dreams."

You watched her turn and leave, touching your still-tingling lips. Then you shook yourself and stepped into your room. The yawn caught you by surprise, and you set the datapad down on your bedside table. You could do research later. For now, it was time to sleep.

Tags (let me know if you want on or off!): @zinzinina @tibbietibbs @fandom-blackhole @pedrocentric @beskarprincessjenny @sarahjkl82-blog @cannedsoupsucks @liviiii98 @adriiibell @seasonschange-butpeopledont @latenightsthoughtsnstuff @sprout-fics @moskaisley @rexsjaigeyes @haapeaness @fisforfulcrum @phoenixhalliwell @princessxkenobi @thirddeadlysin @pbeatriz @oonajaeadira @withakindheartx @linkpk88

#fennec shand x reader #fennec shand

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70swizards · 3 years

Text

james & adhd

tw// everything to do w adhd?

james never understood why he always procrastinated. he never understood why he could never bring himself to do the work he knew he was supposed to be doing

“why can’t i just do it? i need to do it- i can’t- i can’t do it,” he’d whimper to himself, his charms homework lonely on his desk.

why did james always forget what he was saying? he swears the idea was there a second ago, but it’s no longer there, and to save his life, he couldn’t remember what that was.

james would raise his hand in class, the answer clear in his head. he knows what to say. as soon as he is called on, the thought slips like water through cracks. it was gone

everything was so goddamn loud. why was everything so goddamn loud?! auditory hypersensitivity? he couldn’t stand people talking on top of each other, he couldn’t stand the loud tv, he couldn’t stand the noises, unless he was the one making them.

he was a master at multi-tasking, but at the same time, he absolutely could not do it. if he was listening to music, and someone had walked in to speak to him, he’d turn the music off or he wouldn’t understand any of it.

on the other hand, while in class, he couldn’t just listen to his professor speak. it was impossible. he had to be doing something else. he was so under-stimulated it hurt.

james had glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. he had memorized how many stars were about to fall off, and how many moons were scattered about. the nights he had stared up at his ceiling, not being able to sleep were countless

rejection sensitive dysphoria.

he was so sensitive to rejection. one time, when sirius wouldn’t reply to his owl, he was sure that sirius hated him and never wanted to speak to him again. he cried in his bed for hours, desperately wanting to believe otherwise.

it was the same thing with criticism. he knew his friends were just trying to help him, but it still hurt him that he wasn’t doing it perfectly.

“hey prongs, your dive wasn’t the best last match, you should probably work on that!” sirius said to him during practice. and of course, it wasn’t his fault, but james could only smile and nod, feeling his heart wrench

he couldn’t handle his emotions well. if he walks in to the boys’ dorm, and they’re watching tv, that’s way too loud for james’ preference, he’d ask if they can lower the volume. if they say no, james would a twinge of sadness as he feels his eyes water.

one spring break, remus took the marauders to a muggle mall, and sirius insisted on stopping to check out the toy store. there, james found a little red and black fidget cube. at first he had just bought it cause it looked cool, but afterwards, you’d never spot james without it. if he was forced to stop using it in class, he’d bounce his leg, play with his quill, twist his ring, bite his lips, pick at the skin around his nails. anything. he needed to move. he needed to fidget.

talking about moving, he’d get in trouble for standing up too much in class. he couldn’t sit anymore, he felt as if he were about to combust, he shouldn’t be getting in trouble for that.

what was up with the two week obsessions that kept shifting?? one week he was so adamant on learning how to crochet, and the other, he just wanted to know everything about greek mythology. but soon enough, he didn’t care about any of those things anymore, and it didn’t feel right to him

james loved transfiguration. it was his favourite class and surprisingly enough, he loved when mcgonagall gave them homework. one time, she had told them to write a seven foot essay about the book they read that term. they had two weeks.

but james? he started it the day before the deadline, not because he didn’t want to do it, but because he knew it would take a ton of effort. but as expected, he loved doing it once he started. so he sat on the floor for six full hours, not moving a centimeter, working on that essay. no water breaks, no bathroom, no food. nothing. just the essay. hyperfixation.

for some bizarre reason that james would forever wonder, he always needed the pressure of failure or a competition / deadline to focus and get things done.

when it comes to regular tasks, he preferred to finish bigger tasks in one sitting, even though it rarely happened. but with smaller tasks, he would alternate, they’d get boring way too fast

and before actually starting said big task, james would feel paralyzed. he would be too overwhelmed to do anything. he’d just sit on the couch, and do nothing. because if he couldn’t do that task, he couldn’t do anything else. he just gets to sit there and worry about it. he hated it.

james struggled to wait for his turn. he knew it was rude to interrupt people, he knew he should be quiet when someone was talking, but he just couldn’t. before he’d even process what had happened, he’d cut someone off, mid-sentence, and say what he wanted to say, only to apologize afterwards.

body doubling. james always needed someone in the room with him as he worked or did anything really, as it helped him focus and complete the task faster, without getting distracted. just sitting in the same room would help

james constantly used anecdotal communication. he thinks he’s comforting others when he does this. but usually, they just get mad as they often think he’s trying to invalidate their struggles, when he’s only trying to make them feel better. he’s trying to show them that they’re not alone

“i’ve been failing divination and i don’t know what to do,” someone would tell him. “i’m failing divination too! really horribly! mate, i even get extra homework and stuff! it honestly sucks, you know? all the extra work doesn’t even help!” and that’s when the person thinks that he’s only trying to talk about himself.

his mind and thoughts were always faster than his mouth and hands. when writing, he’d skip words, or end up writing in a horrible handwriting. when reading aloud, he’d stutter and mix words up, since his mind was reading faster than his mouth was speaking.

everything. was. in. slow. motion. why did everyone talk so slowly? why couldn’t they talk faster? walk faster? just be faster.

james hated the way polyester felt. he couldn’t touch it. there was no way in hell you could get him to put a polyester jumper or jacket on. no. get it away. when he’d touch it, he’d feel like his hands were dirty, and immediately had to wash them

often during classes he would zone out, sometimes aware of it. his eyes would bore into the wall, as he stared into nothingness, his mind racing.

he loved to daydream. though it usually happens out of nowhere, as his thoughts drift, he enjoyed it. he loved to imagine himself fighting off aliens or winning the house cup.

he was the most impulsive perosn youd ever meet. if he felt like jumping into the black lake with his robes on, he would do it and there’s nothing you can do about it.

james had comfort items. a teddy bear he would never get rid of, one he had since he was a new born, and a gryffindor quidditch hoodie that was a tad bit too big for him. he’d wear that hoodie every single day if he could, and he could never fall asleep without the teddy bear.

james had adhd. living with it might’ve not been the easiest, but it made him him. and in his own way, he loved it, even if it got really really hard sometimes

#james potter #adhd #undiagnosed adhd #prongs #remus lupin #sirius black #marauders #marauders era #james potter & adhd #moony #padfoot #gryffindor

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littlemissagrafina · 3 years

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You'll be okay (Cause you're never alone)

(A female Peter Parker and irondad vent fic delving heavily into mental health. If any of the tags are triggering to you, please don't read it. Stay safe, loves.)

Read on AO3

Peyton knew she was loved, she did, but it didn't matter to her brain what she knew. It didn't agree with her. It never did.

When her body felt tired and her arms craved to wrap around her loved ones, her brain would be there trying to convince Peyton that her wants were a burden.

When her eyes wanted nothing more than to cry waterfalls of tears and her body shook with the shivers her anxiety left behind, her mind berated her, told her she was overreacting.

And when Peyton's heart ached with the burden of the sadness her mind bestowed upon it, her mind was there with thoughts of doubt of the love she knew from her family, with fears and losses amplified until she was drowning in a never ending sea of emotion.

A deep ocean she never let out. All thanks to the words her mind spun around and around in her head, some with no foundation, and some that were all too true.

Peyton never was able to tell which ones hurt more. Those built from truth or those from doubts. It was something she didn't ever think she would know for sure.

What she did know, however, was that she couldn't escape from either kind.

Those borne from doubts could at least occasionally be rationalised far easier than those borne in truth.

But the ones that had a foundation of fact… they ached. They burned and twisted in a way that was different from the doubting ones.

They settled into her chest and tightened until she couldn't breathe.

They couldn't be softened the way that doubt born ones could, and as such, they haunted Peyton far worse than any other.

They followed in her every interaction, every move, every word she spoke. It was what had forced her to hide herself away and for the weight to all start building upon her back in the first place.

They stemmed from May and Peyton hated that her aunt, her mother in all but blood, was the start of her spiraling that she tried so hard to hide.

Peyton loved May with all of her heart and she knew that the woman loved her just as deeply. They were so close and such a part of each other… but that didn't take away from the way May's views, misunderstanding, and ignorance had affected Peyton.

It didn't change the years of being told everything would be fine and that she was smart, she couldn't possibly be struggling with anything.

"You just have to apply yourself more, Sweetheart."

It didn't change the countless bad days where all Peyton had wanted to do was curl up in her bed and not get up only for her aunt to say that she had no reason to be sad.

"I know things have been hard in the past, Pey, but we're fine now. There's no reason to be sad."

It didn't change the many times that May had dismissed her when Peyton had tried to bring up her thoughts on possibly being ADHD.

"You're not hyper, Peyton. You can't have ADHD."

And it didn't change the time when she finally said she battled with anxiety only for May to tell her, "Just don't be anxious then."

Moments like those were repeated over and over again for years until Peyton eventually gave up.

She started hiding her fear of school.

Her depression was covered by fake smiles and countless jokes in a bid to be okay.

Lack of concentration and daydreaming was disguised as thinking about homework or a new idea for her lab time with Mr. Stark.

Shaking hands and anxiety hives were brushed aside as needing something to eat and her shirts or hoodies making her itch.

Slowly but surely, Peyton became a master of excuses. Although many of them she probably only got away with due to her aunt's decidedly bad observation skills.

Maybe that was one of the reasons she was able to get away with the occasional nights of blood slowly dripping down from her thighs to swirl down the shower drain. It had become her release, her escape.

An injury from patrol or her own general clumsiness used as an excuse for the bandaids that became more and more likely to disappear from their shared bathroom cabinet.

Through it all, May was none the wiser to the war her niece was waging on and within herself.

Tony Stark, however, he was a different case. He noticed things that most took for granted. He used his cocky and flashy media persona to distract from his eyes soaking in every detail he could from any situation he found himself in.

He was the one person that Peyton's own masks and acts didn't fool. He didn't always easily accept the excuses for the stray cuts that would appear on her arms or the dark, puffy circles under her eyes.

Tony wasn't like May in that way.

And so it sadly came as no surprise when he noticed after one too many weeks of Peyton being entirely too reckless with her pocket knife, when the cuts on her thighs became deeper than they had before and her healing took longer to stop the bleeding.

The constant craving for the pain had snuck up on Peyton until the escape she found was one she could no longer escape from.

Peyton had foolishly hoped that she could get away with it for a while longer even though she knew she had to be stopped, no matter how much she didn't want to.

Her hopes were for nothing and it was all thanks to a single pair of grey sweatpants.

---

The second and fourth weekends of each month were reserved for Peyton and Tony to go upstate and spend the two day weekend (from the time Peyton left her last class on Friday to Monday morning when Tony would drop her off at Midtown) at the compound.

In the early days they had used to train in the larger, more well equipped gym as well as more complex suit enhancements.

Now, however, it was still used for those things at times but it had become far more of a mini getaway for the two of them. Occasionally they would be joined by Pepper or Rhodey but for the most part it was the two of them.

It was routine. Something familiar and comforting in the reliability of the twice a month escape.

As such, Peyton's self-harm habits had formed a routine around these weekends as well. It was one of the few times she restricted herself to not cutting at all apart from the friday morning before school.

Usually, those cuts would be scabbed over and partially healed by the time Tonh picked her up.

Today was not a usual day.

Thanks to the sudden cold brought by an early winter cold spell, a lot of Peyton's energy was spent by her metabolism trying to keep her body warm and stop her from going into hibernation.

Add that to the new depth and disregard of the far more frequently added cuts on her thighs and you get a healing factor that doesn't have the resources to work as it normally does.

Peyton hadn't thought of that when she had shakily re-opened the cuts in the hidden second floor bathroom after her last class. The only thing that had registered was the leftover surge of anxiety from Flash's recent bullying and the sudden single minded craving to split her skin open.

Realising the time when Tony sent her a message telling her that he was in the parking lot, Peyton folded up toilet paper and roughly bundled it between her thighs and pants to stop any of the blood from seeping through on her jeans.

She could deal with it later when she changed at the compound.

---

Unsurprisingly, she didn't deal with it, instead she flushed the wads of toilet paper down the toilet before changing into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie so she could be comfortable in the lab.

Her first mistake.

Her second mistake came from forgetting that the sluggishly bleeding cuts would eventually start to coagulate and scab. And that they did. Against her sweatpants.

Her last mistake?

Well, that was jumping up after sitting in the same position for two hours. Two hours that had her cuts start healing before they were re-opened thanks to her sudden movement.

Peyton couldn't stop the wince at the pain of the scabs peeling back as her pants shifted on her legs.

She was unaware that her mentor (read: unofficial father) had been glancing at her at times as he tried to piece together the puzzle of her increasingly strange behaviour that had formed over the last months.

As such, Peyton didn't see the way his face paled when he noticed the blood on her pants. Fear and sadness filling his heart as all the pieces were put together. It had all been right there in front of him, sign after sign, and he'd missed every one.

"Peyton." The man said, getting up from his workbench and moving towards her.

"Hmm?" Peyton hummed, ignoring the fabric tugging on her thighs as she turned to face him.

The look Tony fixed on her made Peyton pause, her eyes following his when they subconsciously flickered to the red stain on her pants. In seconds she felt the blood drain from her face and her fingers get the tell tale tingling of her anxiety flaring.

Before Tony could speak, she was rising with a well practiced excuse on her lips. "I'm so sorry. I have my period and… lemme just go change and clean up and I'll be back in a bit."

She made it to the elevator before a hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

"Don't do this, Peyton."

"Do what?" Her feigned confusion was almost believable but Tony saw the way her hands quivered slightly at her side as she shrugged his hand off and stepped into the elevator.

Tony followed.

"Don't lie to me. Make excuses."

The doors closed and it was silent as they moved up to the living room.

After a few moments, Peyton shook her head. "I'm not–"

Tony guided her to face him. "Your period was two weeks ago, the last time we came up here. I know because you were annoyed at your nausea and cramps keeping you from trying out the new aerial bars in the gym."

The doors opened and Peyton walked out, moving towards her room and trying in vain to think of an excuse, a protest, anything to get herself out of the inevitable.

Before she could get out of the living room, Tony caught her sleeve, stopping her in place.

"You're not okay, I see that. If this is–" Tony cut himself off, drawing in a short breath. "You are hurting, Bambina, no matter the form. I want to help you but I need you to talk to me. Please."

It was almost as if the wind was taken out of Peyton's sails. Her head droped and she let out a tired breath.

"You're right," Peyton finally admitted, words spoken so softly that Tony had to strain to hear her.

The admission hurt Tony to hear. He'd known, but he had still wished in vain to be wrong.

"I– uh. It's not– I don't…" She didn't know what to say, didn't know how to explain or to say anything at all.

None of the words were the right ones for what she needed to say and to finally get out after so many years of keeping them locked away.

And then it all came rushing in. The realisation that someone knew. The terror of the reality of Tony, the man who was practically her father, finding out what she had done, what she did, to herself.

"Roo." A hand cupped Peyton's cheek grounding, her from the flood of emotion and thought. She looked up, blinking through the tears building in her eyes and met Tony's own teary ones.

She let out a whimper, "I'm not okay."

And she broke.

She sobbed, and she hiccuped, the force of her cries sending tremors through her body but Tony only cradled her in his arms. He held her together so she could let herself fall apart, and fall she did.

Through her tears she explained everything. All of her doubts, her fears, her anxieties, sadness, and the expectations she felt she could never live up to.

She told him about the nights cried herself to sleep and the nights where she was too numb and tired to rest. She told him of the words said to her that she couldn't help but take deeply and personally, no matter the true meaning behind them.

And she told him about the anxiety attacks, about the dissociation, and (most heavily) about the self harm. How it was sometimes the only escape she felt she had, even above her patrols or her missions as Spider-Woman.

Through it all, Tony listened. He didn't try to interrupt, he didn't tell her she was wrong or making anything up, he only listened.

For the first time, Peyton felt as if she was truly heard.

Her tears eventually stopped, only the occasional sniffle left behind. Her dad's arms never left their place wrapped around her. They only moved when Tony shuffled them across to the couch where Peyton immediately curled into his arms again.

"I'm sorry I'm so messed up. I know I'm not okay but I'm sorry that I just dumped it on you like tha–"

"Peyt, Bambina, it's okay. It's okay." Tony's eyes were earnest, nothing but love and truth in them as he looked down at her. "This is going to sound cheesy, I know, but it is okay not to be okay."

He sat up slightly, shifting until Peyton was facing him on the couch. "I'm not going to lie, this is going to be one hell of a time to get through and past, but we will get you help and I will be by your side to support you through all of it."

Peyton chewed on her lip, fingers subconsciously digging into the tops of her thighs before Tony curled her palms into his own.

"Talk to me, Pey, what's going on in your head?"

"I'm scared." Peyton hesitated before admitting it. She was silent again, almost warring with herself to get her next words out. "I dunno how to be different or who I am without the hurt or the hiding. And I don't know how to stop wanting to hurt myself or be clumsy so I get hurt on purpose. I know it's a bad and dangerous thing but I also don't want to stop. I don't know how to escape all of this."

She looked at her dad, scared that she would find disgust at what she had now said in words despite it already being discovered earlier with her stating it. "I'm scared that you'll hate me or be angry or disgusted that I'm like this."

At her words, Tony's eyes hardened, a fierceness in them that wasn't as strong moments ago.

"Peyton Parker, if there is one thing I Will never ever hate you, be disgusted, or angry, alright? Never. Not for one fuckibg second. Do you hear me?"

Peyton, do you hear me?" Tony repeated when she only nodded.

"Yes. I hear you."

Tony nodded. "Good because it's never changing. We're gonna get you the help you need, baby. I promise you."

Not knowing how to thank him, Peyton settled for hugging him again, smiling for the first time that evening when she felt a kiss against her hair.

"I love you, Dad." She said without thinking, freezing slightly when she felt Tony tense before he relaxed.

Tony murmured back to her, before she could apologise. "I love you too, Tesoro."

It was quiet, then. Heavy from all that had been said, but not uncomfortable or awkward.

Things weren't okay. But okay could wait, because in these seconds and moments, after all that had changed and happened that evening, there was peace.

---

Eventually Peyton would speak once more, her voice small and almost childlike in her need for guidance and assurance.

"We'll get through this?" She asked softly.

And Tony would answer, firm and sure.

"We will."

#irondad #spiderdaughter #tony stark #peter parker #female peter parker #mental health #irondad fanfiction #irondad fanfic #ironman #iron man #spider man #spiderman #spider woman #marvel #mcu

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years

Text

Late Nights ~ JJK [M] [Request]

➳➳➳Word count: 2,206

➳➳➳Genre: SMUT with some fluff

➳➳➳Pairing: Professor!Jungkook x Student!reader

➳➳➳A/N: I realised after I finished writing you said romantic so I hope this is okay if not please message me and I will rewrite you something

➳➳➳: WARNINGS: All consensual and legal professor/student, pet names (dirty and cute)

Dating professors was against the college campus rules but it wasn't stopping you and your English Litertreture Professor Mr Jeon Jungkook. Looking back on it now you can't remember how it all even started, you just remember being yelled at for incompleted homework one minute and the next you were bent over his desk while he held your hair back fucking you roughly. Since then you'd been together for a year, not just sex, you were dating. He lived with you in your off-campus apartment and things seemed to be going really well,

"For those who were paying attention!" He yelled dropping a heavy stack of folders onto your desk in front of you. You were daydreaming in the middle of class again and Jungkook was starting to lose his temper, he couldn't show that he was having favourites in his class which resulted in him coming across harsher than usual to you than anybody else.

"If you're caught daydreaming again Miss Y/l/n I will give you a longer essay, understood?" You nodded and flicked through the folder he'd placed in front of you, it was a giant purple folder where you kept your assignments. Everyone had their own and every single assignment was slotted into it for him to grade.

"A D?" You whispered to your friend, you glanced over at her paper and she had an A+ yet she did less work than you, you shut the folder and Jungkook noticed the pout on your lips.

"Problem?" All eyes were on you now and you looked up at him,

"Yeah, I don't think I deserved this grade..." He looked down at the paper and nodded while tapping his fingers on it.

"No, I think you deserved it, I think I was being rather generous actually but I'd be happy to regrade it if you want to start it again." You stared at him as the bell rang,

"You should stay behind and talk to me." You knew what he meant by that and you weren't about to let him get that kind of satisfaction from you, not when he'd just embarrassed you in front of a class full of 20 people so you slammed the folder shut and walked out with it clutched against your chest. You tried not to cry in front of anyone but it was hard, he was always o mean to you in class and you hated every second of it.

Jungkoook hasn't gotten back until 11 that night and once he was in the house he walked around before going to bed. You'd laid there for hours waiting until you knew he was out cold before you got up to go and work. You were now sitting in the kitchen with your laptop and a tub of ice cream writing your assignment for him. The spoonful of ice cream was hanging out of your mouth while you typed the sentence to the newest assignment he'd given out that day when he walked into the kitchen. He noticed you were sitting on the barstool in one of his work shirts, one leg hanging down while the other was tucked up against your chest for your chin to lean against, you looked adorable even with the ice cream dripping down your chin which was sending mix signals through his body. One half of him was imagining you on your knees in front of him while the other was getting mad at you for being up so late.

"It's 3 am, how long have you been awake and why are you even still awake?" You threw the spoon back into the carton of ice cream you weren't going to talk to him, you just continued to type while he walked over and looked at the screen in front of you.

"The feud is demonstrated in the prologue, it is only circumstantial that Romeo is born into the Montague family and is a complete waste of space and just wanted to get his dick wet because he ''loved'' one girl and then another within a couple of seconds." He was reading off your laptop screen, you paused your typing and stared at the screen. Jungkook was laughing at what you'd written,

"If you hand that in I'll fail you." He chuckled but you scoffed at him,

"You'll just fail me anyway." You got up and put the now empty carton of ice cream into the bin and placed the spoon into the dishwasher,

"What are you talking about?" You ignored his question and went back to typing up the assignment deleting everything you'd written about Romeo and then starting the real work you had to do.

"You've done enough, it's 3 in the morning and you have an early class." But you ignored him trying to get it done but he shut the laptop screen down.

"Bed," You groaned at him and tried to open the laptop again,

"You see," He sighed, "This is exactly why I wouldn't let you get your own place, you'd work yourself to death." When you ignored him again he had enough and picked you up carrying you over his shoulder.

"You're going to bed." He carried you through to the bedroom and laid you down on the bed,

"Do you know what happens when you don't do as your told Jagi? I've told you a million times before but you still think you know what's best?" You squirmed around,

"Eh, eh eh," He said tutting at how you were behaving,

"You're not going to move, Mr Jeon is very upset with you right now." He whispered into your ear, kissing up and down your neck.

"I think you should make it up to me, don't you?" You stayed silent but he watched as you stared at him, you knew not to disobey him when he was in a mood.

"You're not moving from this bed until A) You've learned to listen to me," He kissed you on the lips,

" B) You get good enough sleep," He sighed at you and you looked up at him from the bed, he had your arms pinned above your head.

"You're supposed to take a break so you can rest your smart little mind of yours." You cocked your head to the side and pouted,

"I'm not sure my professor will like that, he's mean to me." You mumbled but he growled into your ear and ground his hard-on against your thinly clothed core. You bit back the whimper,

"You're still a bad girl for staying up late," You wriggled from the bed and dropped onto your knees in front of him pulling down the shorts he was wearing and then his boxers. You took him into your hand and began to pump him in your hand slowly,

"Don't tease, you've been naughty enough." You licked the tip of his cock and he growled at you,

"Fuck who knew such a sweet girl could behave so badly." You took him all the way into your mouth and held onto his thighs as you did so, bobbing your head and staring up at him. He was moaning loudly and he thrust his hips into your face, rolling his head back and groaning out your name. Your eyes rolled back a little whenever he hit the back of your throat.

"You like this...when I face fuck you...huh?" You moaned around his cock as you ground yourself down against your foot to give yourself some kind of friction,

" go on, admit it...you're a dirty little cock slut aren't you?" He was moaning out and hissing with every thrust he thrust into your mouth,

"Tell me you like this," He pulled out of your mouth and smiled as you giggled at him,

"I love it, I'm your cock slut." You giggled only making him groan out,

"That's it," He stood you up from your knees and bent you over the bed.

"I'm going to fuck you in that tight little cunt," He whispered pulling your hair into a tight ponytail so your chest was arched off the bed, you whimpered as he rubbed his tip along your folds.

"So wet and I haven't even touched you yet, I bet I'll just-" He was cut off by the moan he was giving out as he slid right into you.

"So fucking tight every time," You moaned out loudly gripping onto the sheets in front of you and he chuckled softly,

"F-Faster K-Kookie." You whimpered with a whisper looking over your shoulder at him, he pulled out of you only to slam back in roughly pinning you down to the bed with his hips,

"Why are you being so quiet, princess? Let the neighbours know who's fucking you this well." You cried out as he continued his fast-paced thrusts not giving you time to adjust to him but hitting your G-spot every time.

"Fuck! Kookie right there!" You screamed out into the bedding as he brought you closer and closer to the edge, your stomach tightening with every hit.

"You feel so good princess," He whispered as he bent down to pound into you,

"Wrapped so fucking tightly around my cock," He groaned out and his hands fell from your hair to grip onto your hips so he could steady himself,

"Squeezing everything out of me, just like that first time." You clenched around him as he mentioned your first time together,

"You came in wearing that short skirt and crop top without underwear." He grunted remembering how good you looked sitting in front of his desk crossing and uncrossing your legs so he could see how much you wanted him.

"Such a cock hungry whore aren't you?" You whimpered at the nicknames he was giving you, he knew exactly how to get you where you needed to be.

"Clench around me just like that baby." He chuckled as you continued to clench him, your eyes rolling back as you felt yourself getting closer.

He pulled out from you and turned you around to face him so you were in the missionary position,

"I want you to look me in the eyes when you cum baby girl, huh? You wanna look up at me while you cum?" He slipped back into you making your head roll back but he put his hand on the base of your neck and forced you to look up at him,

"I asked you a question." He growled holding himself in place his tip almost where you needed it but not quite there,

"Yes Mr Jeon, fuck I wanna look at you while I cum around you." You moaned out and he thrust into you once again hitting that spot and getting you close once more.

"You're so close baby aren't you?" You'd lost the ability to talk from the bliss you were experiencing, you felt as though your whole body was floating.

"You don't get to cum until I do, that's how it works pumpkin." He chuckled as he saw your eyes widen, he knew you weren't great at holding back but you were getting there.

"Just like that, fuck I can feel you clenching again." You begged for him to let you cum and he chuckled at you,

"fuck I'm gonna fill you up so much princess...fuck you've earned every last drop haven't you?" You nodded frantically and he smirked down at you.

"Fill me up,"

"Jesus baby...okay," He grunted thrusting in and out of you at the routinely fast pace,

"You're gonna cum first, you're gonna milk every single drop out of me aren't you?" He began sucking along your neck and you moaned out his name your hands making their way into his hair as you tugged roughly, you were on the edge and you knew the moment he told you to you were going to lose it.

"Cum. Cum right now," You let out a scream of his name as you felt it building up pleasure rushed through you making your hips buck and legs shake as you clenched around him,

"Look me in the eyes baby girl, that's it. Good girl." You continued riding out your high as he stared down at you smirking as he felt you cumming around him,

"Shit baby just like that, cum all around me." He let out a small whimper before he began groaning and thrusting into you, spilling hot white liquid into you.

"Fuck," He grunted as he continued to thrust into you despite having finished, you could feel him leaking down your thighs but you didn't care, your head was clear from the orgasm you'd had and you were a giggling mess,

"You're my filthy little what?" He questioned pulling out of you and laying down on the bed next to you,

"Cum slut." You finished making him chuckle tiredly, he watched as you rolled over to lay against his chest and he smiled at you.

"I'm sorry I was so harsh to you in class." You hummed at him and he went onto apologise some more only stopping once he saw you were asleep on his chest,

"Goodnight baby. I love you." He whispered, kissing your head and reaching for a blanket for you both.

tagline:

@yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @kpopfanfictionhoes @lyoongx @callingmyangel @fan-ati--c @rjsmochii @mitzwinchester @btsiguess-kpop

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saviorinsilk · 3 years

Note

Would you be willing to write a Diane Sherman x Reader and/or Diane Sherman x daughter!reader?

Oh, darling, I am more than willing to write about our kooky Mamma. In fact, I have already planned and started 2 short stories about her and stepdaughter!reader (as they are NSFW) I am very passionate about writing for Diane and it feels like it has been a very long time since I got warm cheeks and red ears from writing a piece.

As many of you know, I have severe Mommy issues. And unlike most, they are not from having a neglectful and/or absent mother; but instead, because I had extreme separation anxiety and attachment to my mother since the moment I was born. I couldn't fall asleep without her, would spend all day at school just daydreaming about home time so I could get home and be with her while she cooked dinner and I did homework. She was the only one who could comfort me, and as I aged unfortunately it caused confusing sexual feelings to begin when I was 19. I helped her find her sexuality in a way because I had always been very sex-positive and I even bought her her first vibrator. (I am always open to talking about these messed up feelings so don’t feel shy to send me asks and make me feel better and so I don’t like all of you are going to unfollow me now) That might be real icky to some of you but she didn’t have anyone in her life to teach her about that kind of stuff and she wasn’t even sure if she had ever had an orgasm. I decided that wasn’t fair to her and I got it for her. I ended up confessing to her that I wanted to be a porn star (and I was a camgirl for a while until my new boyfriend said I couldn’t do it anymore. I may return to this in the future but this time as a Dom NOT a Sub.) and she accepted me with open arms, as she always has. I never once felt uncomfortable and no matter what others think, like my fucking psychologist who said my close relationship with my mother was why I didn’t have friends, which I did but they all were assholes and bullied me at one point or the other so why wouldn’t I want to just curl up with tea and watch a horror movie with my mother?

So when it comes to Diane Sherman I can’t help myself but daydream about her far more than I really should. Just imagining running my fingers through her Auburn locks, like my mother got me to do to her when she was sick or couldn’t sleep. Diane also fuels me so intensely because I am disabled and seeing how she takes care of Chloe (not the poisoning part 😒) makes me feel so validated as my mother was my caregiver before Roselle moved here and she did everything for me as I was so ill and the comfort a mother can give her sick child, especially chronically ill, is a feeling that I crave to recreate.

YES, I know that Diane is abusive and has a serve mental Illness and I would never ever wish the torture Diane put Chloe through on anyone. But you ladies are not strangers to the darker side of fantasy, as that is my specialty.

I will be tagging everything according so please remember to check the warnings and tags before you read!

I decided to give you guys a treat I thought I would drop a paragraph of story #1!

Ship: Diane Sherman x Stepdaughter!Reader

Warnings: This is a bit no con, sorta like when a submissive says to their dom that no means yes for them. The reader, despite her trying to quell her desires it is forced upon her and only when she has been brutally teased and got her fill of begging “no no no please!”. Then she can’t fit it anymore and she fully gives into her mother.

JUST REMEMBER THIS IS FANTASY! NOT REAL AND EVERYONE GETS AROUSED BY DIFFERENT THINGS SO PLEASE...BE KIND! 🌼

(my gif please don’t alter them!)

“Mom please don’t do this!” You whimpered, pulling with the little strength you had at the handcuffs that restrained your wrists to your stepmother’s iron bed frame. Diane remained silent, her slender hand beginning to slip slower and slower down your abdomen, moving at a sickening low pace that made you squirm slightly. Luckily Diane was far too occupied by the way your bare skin on your stomach rapidly covered itself in goosebumps as her soft skin slide against her Daughters.

When Diane’s slender fingers reached the waistband of your light grey leggings, she ran her finger along the hem of the fabric until she eventually gently caressed your right hip. Then her hand stilled for a moment, her dark eyes fixated on the way your body squirmed from her gentle touch. Diane took her bottom lip between her teeth and her free hand that had been resting on your left thigh, came up to mimic its partner’s actions on the opposite hip.

You could feel Diane’s fingers slipping further into your pants and a sickening heat flooded your abdomen and spread lower, a cry escaping your trembling lips as your body betrayed you.

“Please I don’t want to do this again!” You whimpered as you used the little strength you had in your legs to push yourself away from Diane, kicking at her thighs as she knelt on the bed beside you.

💖Tumblr Tag List💖

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#asks #writing requests #Diane Sherman #run #run 2020 #run fanfiction #Diane sherman fanfiction #Lana’s Fics

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thegreatestofheck · 4 years

Text

Little Village pt.7＊Outer Banks＊

find the first six parts here!!

word count - 4.6k warnings - Swearing that’s pretty much it. synopsis - June’s losing it, just a little bit. As she starts work again, she’s on the very edge of her rope. When JJ starts to distance himself, June finally explodes. tagging - @apoguecalledjj @ijustreallylovethem @deathcompass @lolitstiana @ jxpiter-sxturn @parkerpetertingle @diverrdown , @ponyboys-sunsets, @outerbanksbro, a/n - I’m sorry this took so long oof. Some more fluff in the this chapter, but also, get ready for the ANGST. Yay.

***

Sarah’s words refused to leave June’s head.

Sure, it was entirely possible that June was closer to JJ than she was to Kie or Pope, but she’d known him for so much longer. She had been cleaning up his bruises, telling him to make his bed, chasing away his nightmares, and making him breakfast since she was barely old enough to take care of herself.

She was the first person he ever confided in about his home life. She was the one person he always called when he needed to be picked up from school because his dad forgot him again. She was the one who made sure his grades were up and his homework was turned in. She went to the parent-teacher conferences and the mandatory school recitals and all the surfing competitions. It had always been her.

So of course they were close. Just not that kind of close.

Of course.

The only time June wasn’t constantly consumed by her conversation with Sarah was when she was with Eleanor. The more June reminded herself to breathe, the easier things got. She was still exhausted waking up every morning, still sleeping on the blow up mattress some nights when she just couldn’t stay away.

Her daughter was beautiful. Eleanor could barely smile and still she had the cutest dimples that June had ever seen. June was convinced that her baby had been kissed by the sun itself. With eyes a light hazel like the color of fall and brown curls already starting to grow on her head, June let herself daydream about the beauty that this baby girl was going to be.

She let herself laugh about all the boys she would have to fight off from her daughter, let herself imagine that day when Eleanor finally met the one. June wondered it she would walk Eleanor down the isle herself, or if there was someone out there who would love June and Eleanor enough to be there for the both of them.

June almost made herself cry thinking about it. All the things she would get to do with Eleanor that her own mother had never done. She couldn’t wait to hear her first word or see her walk, to send her off to school, to teach her how to surf.

Pushing herself off of the blow up mattress on the floor, June took the risk of rousing her sleep baby to pluck Eleanor out of the crib and hold her close. Eleanor mewled like a small kitten, but never woke, resting her head against June’s shoulder instead.

“I will never leave you,” June whispered, rocking her baby back and forth. “You are mine and you always will be. Until the end of time.”

***

“How long before Little Pogue walks?” John B asked, cradling Eleanor in his arms. June walked around almost frantically, one hand holding her hair up in a high ponytail and the other pulling on one of her shoes.

“I dunno, John,” she said. She hopped across the floor, reaching for her other shoe, passing JJ as she went.

“Toast,” he said, holding the piece of bread in his hand. June took the bread in her mouth and mumbled a thank you. With both of her shoes on, June finished tying off her hair and pulled the toast from her mouth, chewing quickly.

“Let’s go over the rules again,” June said. JJ groaned and rolled his eyes.

“We’ve been over them a million times already!”

“Yes, I know, but if either one of you slips up-” She waved her half eaten toast between her brother and JJ. “You lose all baby privileges. The both of you.”

“Rule number one,” said John B in a baby voice as he made faces at Eleanor. “Don’t bring any alcohol or weed into the house.”

“Right,” June confirmed. “JJ?”

“Rule number two, no strangers in the house while you’re gone,” JJ said begrudgingly.

“Including?”

“Including hot chicks.”

“Thank you.” June would be lying if she said there wasn’t another reason she didn’t want girls around the house, but she would keep that to herself. “Final rule, one of you has eyes on Eleanor at all times. You got me?”

JJ pushed himself off the counter with a loose grin and walked over to John B and the baby.

“She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life,” JJ mused in his joking tone. “How could I ever take my eyes off of her?”

June rolled her eyes to cover the roll in her stomach. Now was no time for hormones.

“My shift today is only a half shift,” she said as she picked her purse off the ground. “So I won’t be long. Don’t burn the house down while I’m gone, please.”

“We won’t burn the house down, will we?” John B cooed to Eleanor.

“No, no we won’t.” JJ said in the same tone. June laughed quietly to herself, walking toward the door.

“Thank you guys, for doing this,” she said. It didn’t appear that either of the boys heard her as they continued talking back and forth to each other in their baby voices that they had almost perfected.

June smiled as she left the house, only mildly prepared to actually return to work.

***

All three of them were asleep by the time June got back. JJ and John B lay passed out on the couch, while Eleanor was in the arms of Kie, who was lightly humming and dancing around the kitchen as she prepared a bottle of milk.

“Hey,” June said, setting her bag down quietly. Kie spun around with a grin on her face.

“Hi! How was work?” Kie asked. She moved back and forth, swaying the sleeping Eleanor in her arms. June smiled despite the exhaustion that weighed on her bones.

“It was good. Same old, same old at the diner, you know.” She pushed herself into one of the chairs and let her tight muscles relax.

“Anyone give you any trouble?” Kie had one hand on the microwave so she could open it before the timer hit zero and woke up everyone in the house.

“Oh, you know. I think the ‘June Routledge got knocked up and had a baby’ jokes have all been spent at this point.” June had meant it as a joke, but by the way Kie’s smile dropped, she didn’t take it that way.

“I swear, if I hear a single person saying anything bad about you or Eleanor-”

“Relax, Kie,” June laughed, leaning back in her chair. “I was teasing. Nobody said anything. Got a few stares, but that was about it. I’m just tired now, is all.”

“I can imagine.” Kie popped open the microwave. “Do you want me to feed her?”

“I got it. Thank you.”

Kie handed Eleanor and the bottle over to June before sliding into the chair next to her.

“I see my oh so loyal guard dogs fell asleep on the job, huh?” June asked with a smile, nodding over to John B and JJ. Kie waved her hand and rolled her eyes ever so lightly.

“Eleanor was running circles around them. They were so out of their depth, they had to call me.” June laughed right along with Kie. “They fell asleep almost as soon as I took her.”

“Whimps.”

“Good thing Sarah agreed to wait to have babies with your brother.”

As June and Kie laughed, Eleanor made quiet sounds of protest at June moving too much.

“Sorry,” June whispered. She turned back to Kie. “How was your day?”

She and Kie made quiet conversation for a few minutes before they started laughing again, as they always did. But it wasn’t Eleanor who protested this time. Both JJ and John B rolled over on the couch, groaning in their sleep.

June put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Their giggling died down after a few seconds, but their smiles lingered.

“Sarah called me this morning,” Kie said finally, looking down at her hands. June’s heart plummeted. “She told me about Rafe.”

June let out a breath, shifting her grip on Eleanor.

“What...what are you thinking about it all?” June asked. Kie sighed.

“I know it’s her brother, but after everything he did....” Her words fell and she glanced up at June, who understood completely.

“We have to be there for her,” June told Kie, her jaw tightening. “She’s just trying to take care of her brother. If it was us, we’d probably do the same.”

Kie let out another heavy breath.

“You’re right. But it’ll be harder to convince the boys.” Both of them glanced back to John B and JJ, who still slept soundly. June wanted to change the subject. Talking about Rafe still made her uncomfortable, but there was something that she needed to ask her friend.

“Do you think....” June cleared her throat. “Do you think I’m too close to JJ?”

Kie seemed taken aback by her question.

“I- Why would you think that?”

“Something Rafe said and something Sarah said and something Lukerman said.” June wanted to hide her face in her hands, but they were currently full.

“Jue.” Kie reached out and put her hand over her friends. “What are you talking about?”

June felt her chest contract and she scowled. Was this really the time to actually try to sort out her feelings? No, probably not.

“It’s nothing,” June shook her head. Kie squeezed her hand and looked at her with the stern face that she had learned from June so well. It almost felt like she was looking in the mirror.

“It’s not nothing. What’s wrong?”

June heaved out a sigh and looked down at Eleanor.

“Do you remember that fight JJ got in with Lukerman before Eleanor was born?”

“Yeah?”

“He said something about...about me and JJ.” June felt so strange talking about it out loud. These were thoughts she was supposed to be keeping to herself, not vocalizing. “And when I was at Sarah’s, Rafe asked if Eleanor was JJ’s, as if there was no one else on the island that could be her father. And then Sarah told me that she always thought me and JJ were close, closer than I am with you or Pope.”

The more she spoke, the angrier June started to feel. Angry with these people for assuming her feelings? Maybe. Angry with herself for having these feelings? More likely.

Kie just sat there and listened, never once moving her hand from June’s.

“It feels like everyone knows something that I don’t know,” June said once she had forced herself to calm down. “Like they’re all looking at me and seeing someone else. And I just...I guess I just don’t know what to do.”

Kie was silent for a few more moments, waiting to see if June was going to say anything else. But she had put a stopper on her tongue. She wasn’t going to risk saying something that could incriminate her further.

“Why does it bother you so much that people think about you and JJ that way?” Kie asked, finally moving her hand away so she could lean back in her chair.

“Because it’s not true? Because he’s my little brother’s best friend and I don’t want people to look at me and think of me as some kind of freak, like I’m praying on someone younger just because he’s there. Because I don’t want people to look at him and assume that he knocked me up. Because JJ and I are just friends. I mean, how did you feel when everyone assumed you liked my brother?”

“It made me feel trapped,” Kie admitted. “Like I couldn’t confess my true feelings.”

“Exactly!”

“So, what are your true feelings?”

“What?” June was taken aback.

“You don’t like people assuming you and JJ are together because it makes it difficult to admit your true feelings. So, what are they?”

June scoffed, side-eyeing her friend. She thought about saying it for a moment. But then she let out a quiet, half hearted laugh.

“Is this what I always sound like?” she asked. Kie paused for a moment before taking June’s words as a desperate need to change the subject. Eventually, Kie smiled, even though it was strained.

“Yeah, most of the time.”

“God, that’s embarrassing.”

“Hey, you got us through the worst of times, Jue. We tried to push you away and you wouldn’t let us. Never forget that we’re here for you now, too.”

June felt herself give a real smile.

“I know.” She looked over at JJ, who still slept on the couch. Her stomach flipped at the sight of his slightly parted lips and his tousled hair. She shook her head and looked back at Kie, who had one eyebrow partially raised. “JJ and I are friends. Nothing more.”

Kie was disinclined to believe her.

***

As June’s shifts at the diner got longer and more frequent, she needed to find someone else who could watch Eleanor while she was working. Pope relayed this information to his mom, who called June the next minute offering her services. June didn’t want to accept, afraid of burdening the woman with a responsibility that wasn’t hers, but Mrs. Heyward would hear none of it.

The first time that June brought Eleanor over to the Heyward abode, she realized that Mrs. Heyward wasn’t going to feel burdened by the baby at all. Just from the way the she smiled at Eleanor in her little carrier, never once taking her eyes off of her while she spoke to June, she knew that Mrs. Heyward was smitten.

“You sure it’s not a problem?” June asked, setting the carrier down. Mrs. Heyward crouched down and pulled the wide awake Eleanor out of the buckles that kept her in.

“This little ray of sunshine could never be a problem,” Mrs. Heyward beamed, bouncing Eleanor back and forth. The little girl laughed. June teared up at the prospect of not seeing her for an entire eight hours. She would miss every single one of those little laughs. Swallowing the thickness in her throat, June turned her gaze back to Mrs. Heyward.

“Just wait until she starts crying. She’s quite the banshee,” June said with a laugh.

“Ah, you got lungs on you girl?” Mrs. Heyward asked, poking Eleanor in her small nose, making her giggle again. “Just like your mama.”

June grinned.

“Thank you, Mrs. Heyward,” she said.

“Of course, hon.” Mrs. Heyward made a face that told June that ‘it was nothing’. “Let me tell you something, my dear. Come, sit on the couch.”

“I’ve really gotta go, Mrs. Heyward. I can’t-”

“Come sit with me on the couch for a minute. Just for a minute.”

After all Mrs. Heyward was doing for her, June couldn’t deny her request. Once they were sitting on the couch, Mrs. Heyward put Eleanor on her legs and held her steady.

“I was a working mother, too, you know,” she said, still fawning over Eleanor as she grinned. “When Pope was just a small little thing like Eleanor here, Mr. Heyward and I were both working. A high schooler named Tricia watched Pope for the first year or so before my husband got his business in a place where I didn’t have to work anymore.”

June smiled.

“Pope never told me.”

“Ah, he doesn’t remember it at all.” Mrs. Heyward waved one hand dismissively. “But, I want you to know, being a working mother isn’t easy. You’re going to feel like you’re missing out on everything. I’m going to tell you right now, I’ll make sure you aren’t missing a damn thing. Don’t you worry your pretty little mind while you’re at work. You’re girl is in good hands.”

June felt a weight lift off of her shoulders. Of course she trusted Mrs. Heyward. She wouldn’t be sitting on her couch right now if she didn’t. But hearing her words made it all the more better.

“Thank you.” June leaned forward and put her arms around Mrs. Heyward’s shoulders, earning a deep laugh from the older woman.

“Now, go on. Get to work, my dear.”

With a newfound energy and a smile, June stood and left the house.

***

They went on like this for weeks. June wasn’t any less exhausted. She had traded in eight hours with her daughter for eight hours working at a diner five days of the week. But she felt like life was sort of normalizing with her job. She had found a balance that worked for her and didn’t put too much pressure on anyone else.

And she didn’t feel like she was missing anything with Eleanor. She was still young and there was still so much for June to witness and she was just excited to see it all.

But things got tense between her and JJ. She wasn’t sure if it was her fault and she was obliviously acting strange or if she had done something to upset JJ and he was avoiding her. Either way, there was something going with him and he wouldn’t even let her get close enough to ask what was wrong.

On one of her days off, after putting Eleanor down for her nap, she tapped quietly on the guest bedroom door where JJ had locked himself away. He didn’t answer when she knocked. She thought that maybe she should walk away and let it go, but she couldn’t. So she opened the door anyway.

“Hey, J,” she said, leaning up against the door frame.

“I’m doing homework, June.” He didn’t look up at her. June scowled and tilted her head to the side.

“That’s new.”

“Ha ha.” His voice was dry and humorless. June’s stomach dropped into a pit.

“What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s clearly something.”

“It’s nothing. Can you leave? I have a test tomorrow.”

Still, he didn’t look up at her. June tightened her jaw and held back a concerned sigh.

“Okay. My room’s right down there if you want to talk. Door’s open.”

“Yeah.”

June took a step out of the room and shut the door behind her. There was a bitter taste in her mouth as she went back to her room. She wanted to lay down for a nap, but her thoughts plagued her, keeping her from sleep.

Something was wrong with JJ and she was determined to find out what it was.

The answer came sooner than she thought.

The next day, after a long shift at work, she got a text from Mrs. Heyward saying that Pope and Kie had taken Eleanor back to the Chateau to play and put her to bed, so June wouldn’t have to come pick her up.

It was a hard day. The diner packed and busy. June was almost relieved that Eleanor would already be in bed when she got home. Sometimes, putting that girl to sleep was like wrestling a bear.

But the peaceful night that June was envisioning wasn’t what she got when she walked into the Chateau. As soon as she stepped into her home, she knew something was up. She could hear the sounds from JJ’s room before she even got to that side of the house. She had heard them enough times in her life to know exactly what was going on.

This girl was louder than most. JJ was oddly quiet. A year ago, June would have let it go, walked out of the house, gone to get ice cream, hung out at the beach. But a fire lit underneath her and her face reddened with rage. Her stomach twisted and her heart tightened in her chest. Mouth running dry, she had the sudden feeling that she couldn’t breathe.

This was her house. Her baby was just two doors down. That was her guest bedroom and her guest bed and her best goddamn friend.

And no matter how hard June tried to convince herself to stand down, she found herself storming through the house, dropping her purse at the front door so she wouldn’t use it to strangle anyone.

She shoved the bedroom door open and the girl shrieked, hiding under the sheets.

“Get out,” June said, her voice uncharacteristically dark and low. JJ fell back onto the bed, his face a red and his hair a mess. The girl who shared the bed with him looked over at him for help, but he didn’t even glance at her. “Get the fuck out of my house!”

June felt a twinge of pity for the girl as she scrambled out of bed in just her underwear, plucking her clothes off the floor as she went. She moved out of the way so the girl could slide past her, pulling a sweatshirt on over her head. With the girl gone, June turned all of her fury onto JJ.

“What happened to no strangers in the house?” She asked, struggling to keep her voice from rising. JJ sat up nonchalantly, staring at the opposite wall. “I trusted you to keep your word, JJ!”

“Relax, Jue,” he laughed as he stood and turned to look at her, wearing only his boxers. “John B’s in the nursery with Eleanor. Everything’s fine.”

“You broke the rules.”

“They were stupid fucking rules.”

“This is my house and you are a guest here!”

June could only imagine how she looked now; her hair still a mess from hours of working in a humid kitchen, her face red with anger, her body shaking from the adrenaline. She hated confrontation. She was terrible at it. Especially when it was JJ.

“Damn.” JJ gave her a lopsided grin. “Someone’s panties are in a real twist.”

June scoffed, narrowing her eyes at him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She asked him, her voice almost breaking. “You’ve been off for weeks.”

“Nothing’s wrong with me.” He crossed the room to stand closer to her. She could smell the sweat off of him and it made her nose scrunch. “But I think there’s something wrong with you.”

He reached his hand up to poke her nose but she swatted his hand away, still glaring at him.

“Jealous, maybe?” He asked.

June scoffed and straightened her back.

“What do I have to be jealous of?”

JJ nodded his head slowly, putting his hands on his hips.

“Right, right. ‘Cause you and me, we’re just friends, right? Nothing more?” He said. June could hear the bitterness in his words. The cocky and arrogant front he put on when he was upset dropped and June was finally seeing a taste of his true feeling underneath.

“What?”

“I heard you talking to Kie the other night,” he said and June’s stomach dropped. her scowl softened and her heart rate slowed.

“I wasn’t wrong,” she said, trying to regain some of that courage that her anger had given her as she crossed her arms. “We are just friends.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit.”

“It’s bullshit and you know it!” He pointed a finger at her, his hands shaking. JJ never shook. He was always so sturdy, so strong like a rock that could not break.

“I’m not having this conversation now,” June said and turned toward the door. But JJ got there first and shut it harshly before she could even reach for the doorknob.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Give me a reason.”

“You’re insufferable!”

“And you’re a coward!”

June pinched her eyebrows together, that anger beginning to smolder in her stomach once again.

“Let me out, JJ.”

“Just give me a reason. One good reason why you keep running away from me,” JJ said. There was something new in his eyes. Something she hadn’t seen in a long time. Desperation.

“Don’t make me go there, JJ,” June said, shaking her head once before pressing her lips together. A strange and sudden feeling washed over her. It came with the urge to cry, but she couldn’t place what it was.

“Why not? I’ll say it if you won’t.” He stepped forward and reached out to take her hands. Just as his fingers grazed across her skin, fuel for the flame within her, June snatched her hands back, holding them away from him.

JJ heaved out a breath, his chest deflating.

“Just say the word and I’ll let it go.” He took another step closer to her and then another until he was just a breath away, staring down at her. She shouldn’t let him get this close. It would just make it worse. “Say you don’t feel the same way and I’ll let you go.”

June opened her mouth but found herself speechless. She could end this here and now. All she had to do was say she didn’t care for him like he wanted her to, that she only ever saw him as her little brother’s best friend. Or she could stop being a coward and own up to her feelings, the feelings she had been shoving away for so long.

“I’m tired,” was all she managed, her eyes swarmmed with tears. “I’m so goddamn tired.”

JJ looked like he was going to say something or move in closer, but then June heard a quiet cry from the other side of the house. She flicked her eyes toward the door before glancing at JJ quickly. She let out one breath before stepping around him and making an exit. He didn’t try to stop her.

By the time she burst into the nursery, tears were falling from her lower lashes. John B was, in fact, in the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair that Mr. and Mrs. Carrera had given to June as a gift. His headphones were in and his eyes were on Eleanor as he smiled.

“She’s crying,” June said crossly as she walked toward the crib and pulled Eleanor up into her arms. “You’re supposed to hold her when she cries.”

John B popped out a headphone.

“She was just asleep like 30 seconds ago so I thought if I made her laugh-”

“Doesn’t matter.” June kept her back to her brother as she cradled the crying baby to her chest.

“You okay, Junebird?” He asked, standing and stepping toward her. The front door opened harshly and slammed shut again, making June jump and Eleanor cry even harder.

“I’m fine,” June said, lowering her head so Eleanor’s face was nestled beneath her jaw. John B looked between JJ and June before he let out a sigh.

“I shouldn’t have let him bring that girl in here.”

“It’s fine.”

“I just thought he seemed so off and that it might help. I thought if I stayed with El-”

“I said it’s fine, John.”

The boy straightened his back, surprised at the harsh tone in June’s voice. He couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken to him like that. She was always so calm, so collected. What the hell had happened that made her fall apart so quickly?

“I’ll just go then.”

“Good idea.”

John B didn’t say anything else as he headed toward the nursery door. He offered a small wave to the still crying Eleanor as he left, shutting the door behind him. Still scowling, he head toward the front of the house. He was convinced that JJ had something to do with his sister’s sudden change in disposition. He was about to have some choice words with his best friend.

As soon as John B was gone, June fell back onto the mattress, her tears soaking through Eleanor’s onesie. She tried to muffle her cries by shoving the back of her hand into her mouth, but it wasn’t working. And it definitely wasn’t calming Eleanor down any more either.

“Shh,” June whispered, her voice trembling. “Mommy didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

June held her a little tighter, rocking her back and forth until her quiet cries started to die down.

“I’m sorry,” June whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.”

#jj maybank #jj obx #outer banks #obx #outer banks fic #jj fic #jj x john b's sister #john b's sister #little village #obx fic #john b routledge #pope heyward #kie carrera #sarah cameron #rafe cameron #john b obx #jj angst #jj fluff

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jennbabeyy · 4 years

Text

Stepmom Material (Pt. 8)

A/n: Sorry for the long wait ! Part 8 is finally here. We get to see a little glimpse of what was behind Coco’s decision. Thank you guys for loving Stepmom Material. Let me know what y’all think!

Coco leaned against the wall, his eyes moving around the crowd. The murmurs and conversation carried around him without any distractions or any glances at him. It was a bit of a reflex, something he found himself trying not to do when he went somewhere. Though this time, it wasn’t a reflex, he was looking for the face he now only sees in his dreams.That certain face he was looking for was no longer in his life and he didn’t really have anything or anyone to blame but himself.

The crowd around him seemed to get bigger by the minute and Coco tried to not let the noises get to him. He’s not a huge fan of big crowds but something in him wanted to be here. There wasn’t a personal invitation from any of them and he knew he had no right trying to be here after all the shit he has pulled.

But he was proud.

Johnny Coco Cruz was proud of his daughter when he heard first from Angel that she was getting the highest achievement award from her high school. His daughter was doing big things and he wasn’t there next to her side to be able to enjoy it. But someone else was.

Y/n had taken Letty in during one of the most difficult times ever for everyone. Coco didn’t remember much except from finally waking up in a room at the small clinic that the Mayans used when someone got hurt. The only thing that came to mind was his entire body screaming in pain.The days after that were a bit hazy.

Shit was tough for a while, Coco was tied down in a bed recovering from two gunshots, one in the shoulder, another in the chest. His recovery took twice as much as expected and there was nothing he could do. He was alone most of the time, only company besides his brothers was the nice older nurse with the motherly touch he never had.

She took care of him, encouraged him to get better. He was in pain most of the time but he deserved it. The pain reminded him of the shit he’s done in the past and he took that shit in with no complaints. According to Angel he almost died during surgery and having Creeper and Tranq in the operating room wasn’t helping the doctor. His brothers thought he was some type of badass, a legend going down in Mayan history for surviving the worst of the worst.

Though he didn’t feel like it.

They never visited him those 6 months he was recovering.

That was everything he needed to stay away. He was the poison in their lives and he didn’t want to bring any of them down.

A small cough next to him brought him out of his daydream and he knew who it was without turning his head.

“Thought I would find you here.” Angel spoke, his eyes wandering the crowd before stopping on the familiar head sitting in the front row.

Coco starred in the same direction, his eyes never leaving Y/n. Her hair was longer than he has last seen before and his fingers twitch at his side. His favorite thing was to run his fingers through her hair while cuddling on the couch. He still remembers the softness of her hair, especially when he misses her the most.

“I couldn’t bring myself to miss this , even if they don’t want me here.”

From the corner of his eye, Coco saw Angel nod his head in agreement. There wasn’t much he could say to him about everything that’s happened. He already had to deal with Bishop lecturing him the moment he woke up in the clinic.

News had already broke that Johnny was giving up his rights as a father and leaving Letty in Y/n’s guardianship. And Bishop made sure to use every second he had to let him know how much of a good one he had lost because of selfish reasons. But little do they know what he was doing was the most selfless thing he’s done in years.

“Ez said she’s doing good. No more sneaking out late and shit.” Angel nodded his head towards the former prospect, who was sitting in the front row seat next to Y/n. Both of them were currently laughing at something one of them said.

She looked carefree, and glowing. Ez had made an impact on both girls' lives, keeping his promises to not only Letty but Y/n. Making sure Letty could understand her homework or even challenged her with new books everytime he came to visit.

“She happy?” Coco turned to finally face Angel, eying his best friend since they were teenagers. He was the only one during these couple of months to completely take Coco under his care.

“Leticia? I mean yeah, but she’s a teenager and she’s got all these hormones raging up. Ez said there were a couple of times she lost her temper at the teacher and Y/n had to take over to make sure she wouldn’t get a full month of detention. Something about challenging the teacher over some sexist shit he said in class.”

Coco chuckled, and shook his head. Yeah she was all him all right. There was nothing that Leticia took after her birth mother and he was fucking thankful for that. She has been a one night thing and ended up back at his place pregnant.

He thought his life was over at the thought of having a child. And when Leticia was born, a part of him warmed up to the idea of being a father. He was on the right track and he was going to be the best dad he could even if he never had one to begin with.

And he thought he was going to make it.

Until she left them, stating he wasn’t good enough to be a father with the type of lifestyle he had going. Her words played on replay that entire night, and it got to him. He couldn’t be a single dad to a four month old baby.

Leticia wasn’t going to have a better future if she stayed here with him. He didn’t know shit about being a parent, his own mother was a shitty parent.

Angel found them a day later with Letty screaming her lungs out and Coco being sleep deprived.

While Angel took care of Letty, Coco took a shower where he finally made a decision.

Letty’s mother was right, one night and he couldn’t even get through it without Letty crying the entire time. The best thing to do was putting her up for adoption with a family that would be able to give her anything, and everything she wanted and deserved.

Because she deserved more than him. She definitely deserved more than his shitty ass mom.

And that’s what he did. Until his mom found out and took her in.

Then shit really went bad. There’s never a day where he beats himself up about the way his mom treated Letty or about the way Leticia spent almost her entire life thinking he was her older brother.

He couldn’t take those years back, no matter how much he tried to make sure she was good. To have a family she deserved. Something always came to ruin everything.

Coco cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the front row. Leticia had now joined Y/n and Ez talking to them excitedly, her eyes lit up as she explained something to Ez. And he laughed at her explanation.

She deserved that.

Looking at both of them took him back to the night. Noone knew about it. He kept it to himself. Not even Angel who at this point knew his darkest and sinful secrets and he wanted to keep it that way.

That night at the clubhouse when it was boy’s night playing poker with his brothers. Noone knew that before that he had been riding through town when he ran into her.

It had been 16 years since he last saw her. The last thing he remembers of her was Letty screaming in the background and her walking out the door with bags in each hand.

In all honesty, he thought she would’ve overdosed by now. Letty’s mom was no saint, never really had a permanent home. Always hanging with the wrong crowd and doing favors in exchange for some sort of drugs.

But there she was, hanging off some random dude without a care in the world. He wanted to leave before she saw him, but the second his eyes met hers. He knew shit was going to come crashing down.

A smirk appeared on her face, and when he heard Letty’s name come out of her mouth. It was like a rage of anger overcame his body and he saw red.

How dare she say his daughter’s name just like nothing. The same one she left behind so she could still be the street hoe who gives daily blowjobs for some drugs.

The same words she once yelled at him 16 years earlier, were the same ones he heard as he walked out of the place and hopped on his motorcycle.

The words he tried to keep out of his mind were finally set free and she fucking did it.

16 years later she fucking broke him again. And she knew what she was doing.

Angel’s voice brought him back to reality and he followed Angel's eyes toward the front of the auditorium where the principal finally started the ceremony.

Coco tried to stand still while the ceremony continued and saw as other kids were honored. He heard Angel chuckled beside him as Coco shifted once again. He couldn’t really be in one place for a long time, his nerves were getting the best of him.

Angel nodded his head towards Letty’s direction where she was acting the same way. Shifting in her seat and constantly fixing her hair. She was nervous as well. Y/n had given up at telling her to stop, it was no use. Leticia always fidgeted in her seat, it was their thing.

A smile made its way towards his face, even at times like these they were in sync. It was like they have always been in each other's lives. And he wished it was like that.

“And for our next award, I would like to take the time to list the many accomplishments this young lady has achieved. She has managed to become our only student to reach the highest GPA in our school. We had a bit of a troubled start when Leticia first started out with us. Lunch detention became a constant thing with Letty. I like to joke that maybe she just wanted to eat lunch with me.”

The crowd laughed, while Letty covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.

“But after getting to know Letty, I realized that she is a passionate student. She is intelligent and she is not afraid to give the boys on the debate team a piece of her mind. Which let me tell you, I have never seen a group of boys constantly being challenged like that. She stands up to defend others and she is kind to those around her. This past year I have seen an amazing change with Leticia, not only were her grades going up but actually attending every class. She has truly made a difference not only within herself but here at this school. All she needed was a push and people to believe in her.”

Coco watched as Letty leaned on Y/n, and his heart soared at the sight in front of him.

“So on behalf of the school and myself, we like to honor Leticia Cruz with this academic achievement award.”

The room roared with applause as Letty stood up giving both Y/n and Ez a hug before making her way towards the stage. A folded piece of paper in her hands and from where Coco was standing he could see her hand slightly shaking of nerves.

Next to him, Angel had his phone out taking pictures as Letty received her award and shook hands with the faculty staff. Coco never took his eye of his daughter, taking in the pride he felt in that moment. He’ll just have Angel send him those photos later, he didn’t want to miss anything.

And watching his daughter march up on stage with a sense of confidence, this was it. This is what he wants for her and no one around him saw that Letty wouldn’t be able to achieve this with him in her life. She was meant to be out of his life for the better. Like it was planned 16 years ago.

The room became quiet when Letty reached the podium. Placing her piece of paper in front of her, she let out a deep breath.

“Uh, when Mrs. Rivera approached me a couple weeks ago about writing a speech, I instantly said no. I’m not a big fan of crowds even if she threaten lunch detention.” Letty looked around, feeling every eye on her as the crowd chuckled.

“But my guardian made me realize that I should be proud of my accomplishments, to be able to take this moment in and she also threatened to ground me. And she is kinda scary so-” Letty smiled at Y/n, who shook her head.

Letty continued her speech, not sounding as nervous, “I want to thank Mrs. Rivera, for not only taking the time to push me but to be able to give me a second chance. Most people take a look at me and instantly decide that I shouldn’t be able to achieve certain dreams or be even be given a second chance. I was given a second chance, not only in school but at home too. I want to thank Y/n, ever since I’ve met her she's been the rock I never had but needed.”

Coco watched as Ez wrapped his arm around Y/n and shook her gently to congratulate her.

“She’s been the mom I’ve never had and I know we go at it sometimes but I’m thankful to have you and be able to just talk to you. You’re my mom and thank you for taking that role and taking care of me.”

Letty looked up from her paper as she searched the audience in front of her. Coco leaned against the wall, and held his breath knowing what was coming next. Angel cleared his throat, as he looked at anything besides the teenage girl in front of him.

His eyes met hers, and he saw the shock go through her body. She gasped quietly but the microphone in front of her picked it up and even from where he was standing he could hear it clearly. He could feel her eyes searching his body, and he knew she was making sure his injury wasn’t as bad as everyone made it seem. He was covered up though, his scars were there but no one will be able to see them. And he wanted it that way.

Letty stood still, her eyes never leaving his. It was a few seconds but Y/n managed to notice that Letty’s attention was taken away and turned around to see what Letty was looking at.

When he finally took his eyes away from Letty, he immediately met Y/n and he could see the tears gather up in her eyes. They weren’t expecting to see him anytime soon or if he even was healed enough to walk around town.

Shallowing the lump in his throat, Coco managed to take away his eyes from the beautiful face he had missed all these months and when he saw the tears stream down her face, he knew he couldn’t take it anymore. So he painfully broke eye contact and turned to Angel as they walked out of the auditorium.

A smile reached his face when he heard Letty continue her speech as if nothing happened and continued to thank Ez for helping her with her homework, along with other teachers.

That’s my girl.

Tagged:

@carlaangel86 @xnarca @bellamyblech @royale-trash-slytherin @hgs2018 @imagines-and-preferences1216 @i-just-feel-gr3at @sweet-bumble-bee @plentyoffandoms @technicallyvirtualmilkshake @poetsheart @onelovesr @docsangel @may114 @glimmerglittergirl @whovianayesha @trulysucuubus @laricebabe

#mayans mc imagine #coco cruz imagine #coco cruz x reader #angel reyes imagine #mayans mc

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circleofcavan · 3 years

Text

Nebraska

Macey daydreams about spending winter break somewhere else, with some envy sprinkled in there, too; suite shenanigans and some $300 Bose noise-cancelling headphones. One-shot. Content warning: themes of parental neglect, mentions of alcohol use, smoking + abuse.

(Read it on AO3 here.)

There are moments when Macey wishes everything could just be stable and balanced.

“Normal” is too much to ask for; it’s a big ticket item that’s just out of reach, that she hasn’t worked quite hard enough for just yet. Instead, she’d settle for stable: an ideal situation with no boat-rocking, no absent fathers or narcissistic mothers, no forced appearances or quick-changes in the back of limousines, no hidden hangovers, no concealer on the bruises along her upper arm. Stable. Secure.

Idealistic. At this point in her life, there’s no chance she’ll ever know balance. If she keeps down the path that Gallagher has her going down, it’ll be a constant chase – maybe not a sprint, but a jog, and even that can get exhausting after a while.

She envies Cammie, even despite her hardships. Cammie has support, she has crumbs of normalcy to cling to, a warm home to run to during breaks and tight spots and panicked moments. She has options, even when she thinks she doesn’t. Even when she feels like every door is closed, there are always more.

Macey watches her chatting with Bez and Liz, her feet curled under a blanket, back to the wall of their suite. Cammie has a slight smile on her face, a fullness in her cheeks that made a return when she did, another escape on a lark that she magically realized had consequences; Bex is trying to reverse engineer a heist, Liz is French braiding Cam’s hair, which is brown now, thinner but longer. She can only slightly hear her roommates over the music she’s blasting, $300 Bose noise-cancelling headphones be damned, but she can imagine the conversation, more or less – more homework trouble, more boy trouble, more girl trouble, more acne trouble, more TV cliffhanger trouble, more “I can’t believe I got a B on this test” trouble, more normalcy. A feeling she’ll never have.

The conversation halts for a moment, all of them on the precipice of laughter, but they look to her, expectant, waiting on an answer; she points to her headphones and down to her book (Art of War, of course), and loudly yells “What?” as though she’s clueless and miffed, out of the loop. Bex laughs, Liz joins in, Cammie smiles and her volume goes back up. Stability. Everything is level again.

She’s damn great at playing the part, something she was born to do. (Is she talking about herself or about Cammie? She’s not sure. Projecting, much?) Macey is the perfect daughter, even when she’s a rebel; she’s the supermodel even when she’s strung out and hungover in the Great Hall at breakfast, stumbling through Farsi between sips of Gatorade; she’s America’s Sweetheart, Vermont’s darling, even though she hasn’t been back to Vermont in years. (Not that there’s anything there for her, aside from a hiking trail where she used to run or smoke cigs, plus the parking lot where she had her first kiss – awkward, sloppy and too much teeth – and her childhood home – her permanent address, she should say, because it’s not like she’s ever really felt like it was a home for her at all.)

They’re talking about winter break plans now. “Nebraska” floats past the music, clinging to her brain, cloying and sweet. What she wouldn’t give for a proper, home-cooked meal, a scratchy wool blanket, a too-warm-but-too-cold room with a draft. Farm smells. Barn chores. Callouses. Sweat. Burnt coffee in smooth metal thermoses, a cold winter sun, some dustings of snow, a hot mug of potato soup – a too tight pickle jar lid. It’s so vivid it hurts, digging into her brain like it’s eating her alive from the inside out, starting at her brain and burrowing its way into her heart. Nebraska.

She can only imagine what that reality would be like; there’s something lived-in about it that she won’t be able to come close to touching, an inherent familiarity that she’s just not cut out to experience. Her winter break will likely be Aspen or Geneva, maybe both, and that’s a dream, too – she’ll probably see some classmates there as well, the ones that fit the Gallagher mold, the one that she’s apparently supposed to fit, too.

The trip will be booked as a family affair, but her parents will be anything but present, her mom chasing after seasonal ski patrol staff, college students in their prime, her dad on “work calls,” probably brokering some deal that will just line his pockets a bit more than his congressional salary. She’ll be drunk and alone, partying with ski bunnies or diplomats’ kids, settling into her old-money-rich-heiress role like she has so many times before.

Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll be able to slip away – if they’re preoccupied for a few days into the weeklong trip, she could pack a bag and hitchhike her way a few towns over, blending in like she’s new in town and visiting extended family, weaving a cover story for herself and patching it up every time she gets caught in a lie. She might have normal clothes on but she’s still anything but; they’ll remark on her beauty and her perfectly-manicured nails, ones that wouldn’t be in such pristine condition if she were just a girl from just a farm in just Nebraska.

Then she’ll get call after call to her phone, her parents demanding an appearance because it’s time to fly home now, and she’ll have to abandon the fake life she created for herself in this little mountain town, the cover that was just on the verge of being blown. She won’t be a girl from Nebraska with boy trouble and homework trouble and normal trouble, she’ll be the Macey McHenry, heiress and stone-cold bitch, sugary-sweet but too much to handle.

She’s not sure how Bex was able to get on her bed without her knowing, but she’s got a hand on the right ear of her headphones before Macey can turn to stop her with a bewildered laugh. “We’ve been trying to get your attention for ages,” Bex says, sitting back on her haunches, glancing at Cam and Liz. “What movie do you want to watch tonight? Tina’s running a Bourne marathon, but we were thinking Clueless, but then we realized you haven’t picked a movie yet, so it’s your call.”

Macey slides the headphones off fully now, settling them around her neck. She pauses her music. She pauses herself. Maybe this is the closest to stable and balanced that she’ll get: the closest thing to normal is four teenage girls watching 80s movies in their pajamas, LUSH masks smeared on their faces, shitty manicures and burnt microwave popcorn, falling asleep on the floor next to an overheated laptop and projector and her roommates, snoring softly.

Tomorrow’s Saturday. She could sleep in, pretend like the meal she’s having is home-cooked. She could wander around the halls and act like this was the home she deserved all along, because it was, and maybe even talk a bit more about winter break plans. Macey knows enough social graces to not invite herself to spaces where she might not be welcome, but maybe it could happen; maybe things will balance out in her favor. It might not be Nebraska, it might be London, or maybe it might just be here, in the mansion, if she can talk her way into it. The only people who normally hang back anyway are ones who either can’t go home or won’t go home, and Macey surely falls into both or either.

But that’s neither here nor there, and they’re still waiting on an answer. Macey dogears her book page, the same page she’s been stuck on this entire time, reading the same paragraph over and over, and sets it aside. “Clueless for sure,” she finally says, forcing a grin, cutting a glance at Cammie. “But only if we stay up way too late talking about how much Paul Rudd kind of looks like J-O-S-H.” (He doesn't.)

Liz squeals, Bex laughs, and Cammie blushes. Mace flashes her a knowing smile and grabs her blanket, ushering them up, while Bex says something about stealing cookie dough from the kitchen. Liz is convinced that they need to swipe Madame Dabney’s projector, even though there’s a perfectly good one in their room (apparently the one that isn’t theirs is 10 times more energy efficient and smells like the essential oil of their choice), and Cammie is watching her, grabbing her hand, helping her up. Cam’s hand doesn’t have callouses yet, but it will, and Macey thinks about what they’ll feel like after break. Will they be rough and ragged, or torn, exposing new, smooth, bright pink skin, the outline just barely visible?

Macey snaps back to reality for a moment; Bex and Liz have left on their respective conquests, and Cam is lingering near the door. “You coming?” she asks, gesturing to the hallway with her chin, and Macey can’t help but remember the annoyed (and annoying) girl that she met on her first visit, the one who just wouldn’t leave her alone. “You know we can’t let them traipse around by themselves; Liz will end up with a sprained ankle and Bex will probably burn the place to the ground.”

“Let’s do this,” Macey shoots back, grabbing a compact fire extinguisher that Liz had made in the labs a semester prior. This was normal. And she’d create balance and stability where she could, starting with her two renegade roommates. “I’m right behind you.”

#gallagher girls #macey mchenry #cammie morgan #gallagher girls series #gallagher girls fic #also on ao3 #one shot #ally carter #hahahahah this is my distraction from zoom university

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