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lenathekiller · 1 month

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I'm Sorry It Ends Like This

A/N: contains spoilers from about manga ch. 114 on just to be safe. Reader's death at the hands of Mikey, quite literally. Angst with a little sprinkling of love/affection. Little messed up in the head kinda talk/writing towards the end so ⚠️ (I didn't know if it'd warrant a dead dove warning or not but tagged as such)

Summary: Mikey pays you a final visit before heading off to the ruins, in order to say goodbye and tie up long forgotten loose ends. You both reminisce on the past and the man that once was Shinichiro Sano, your childhood crush.

Your tv was on, set to some random news channel that was currently broadcasting about another murder that had recently occured. You in all honestly were only half listening to the words being spoken by the broadcasters, sitting at your kitchen table on the verge of disassociating with the only thing keeping you tied to reality being the hot mug in your hands and the occasional mention of a familiar name from the television.

One by one all of the original Toman gang was being wiped out, killed off by the man they once devoted their lives to, and you knew before long you'd hear death knocking at your door too.

While you'd never been a member of Toman, you grew up close to the Sano family, studying in the dojo the grandfather ran. You were practically another member of the family back then, spending all your free time hanging out with Emma or watching Shinichiro work on a bike. Admittedly you'd had a crush on the older male, but with you only being a year or so older than Mikey you'd known you'd never stand at having those feelings be returned.

Regardless you'd never given up, always bringing Shinichiro little gifts like chocolates or decals you'd find that you thought would look good on one of his bikes. He'd always made sure to give you a ruffle on your head as thank you for the gifts, sometimes even offering you a ride on the latest bike he'd finished as a way to pay you back. You were in every way possible smitten with him in the way only a young teen would understand. He was your first love, and when he died you took it incredibly hard.

When Emma had told you about his passing you'd fallen to your knees Infront of her, heartbroken and sobbing on the Sano's front steps. For months you were inconsolable, a husk of a person going through the motions of life: Sleep, go to school, train at dojo, do your work, then cry till you fell asleep, repeat. Eventually when you did 'get better' you slowly stopped going to the dojo and hanging around the Sano family in general. Seeing them only reminded you of the love you'd lost and with Mikey starting his own gang you didn't want to be around it all anymore. Though you did occasionally ask mutual friends about how the siblings were doing for a few years after that.

Now here you sat however many year later, you'd lost count honestly, waiting for your old friend to visit. When you heard the knock at the door you moved on autopilot, moving mindlessly to let in the person you'd been expecting to come.

"Come in Manjiro. I've got some Dorayaki prepared for you at the table already." Your unfocused eyes caught his as you opened your door, ushering him in.

"So you've been expecting me then?" His smile was weak, eyes filled with a sadness you knew had been brewing inside him for years.

Sitting down across from him at your little table, you gave a smile filled with your own sadness. "You're old friends have all been killed, I knew you'd come for me too eventually."

"I see... well truthfully I wanted to save you for last." He bit into one of the buns, savoring the flavor for a moment before continuing. "I wanted you to be the last one I kill before I meet my own end."

"Are you planning a murder suicide with me?" Your voice was flat, absent of any emotions you'd expect someone to have when they asked a question as serious as that.

"No, I plan on spending my last night in Tokyo with you. I leave tomorrow to go out to that set of ruins Shini found those engines in. My end will be there at the hands of an old friend." He spoke so casually as if he was telling you about vacation plans instead of plotting his own demise.

"I see..." Taking a long sip from your mug, you thought over his words. "May I ask what makes me so special? Like why am I last?"

He was silent a moment, dark eyes calmly scanning over you. "If I'd taken your life before anyone else's, I would have been disappointing my brother."

"What do you mean by that?"

He finished off the Dorakayi bun he'd been eating and wiped his hands off on his pants before reaching over to gently hold one of your own hands in his. "Shini adored you, not in the same way you adored him though. He always told me how good of a person he thought you were and honestly he hoped you'd find someone that could return your feelings."

Tears prickled in your eyes at hearing that your childhood love had felt some kind of fondess for you. "He did? I guess I let him down then considering I never moved on from him."

Mikey wiped your eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "I doubt he'd be upset at you for never falling in love. I know I'm somewhat relieved you never moved on from him in that sense."

"It just hurt so much after he died... I never wanted to feel that heartbreak again and I've missed him everyday since." You voice was soft, filled with heartbreak.

"I know the feeling, I also lost the person I loved, basically the same day I lost Shinichiro." There was a familiar sadness in his voice, the same kind you often heard in your own.

"You- you loved someone back then too?" Surprise was evident on your voice and face. Never did you think Mikey would have a crush on someone, especially back then when he seemed to be all about starting his own gang and all that. He always seemed too cool and carefree to ever develop feelings for anyone.

Mikey's smile turned into a more genuine one and he gave a small chuckle. "Yea, I did." He sat back in his seat, grabbing your mug and taking a sip from it as he averted his gaze for a moment. "I loved you back then... I still do actually. I admired that you never let yourself get discouraged from liking my big bro. I know he was not always that great of a person and he'd never be able to return your feelings but you never let that stop you from loving him. I guess I thought it was cool someone else thought my big bro was amazing too and I started feeling the same way for you as you felt for him."

A long silence held in the air for a few minutes as you processed his words and he continued to eat a few more Dorayaki buns.

"I'm sorry I left..." Voice hoarse from all the emotions flowing through you.

"Its fine. I never hated you for it, I knew exactly why you chose to leave." His hand reheld onto yours, comforting you even if only a little. "I think I would have done the same honestly. Seeing you would've also brought memories of Shinichiro, specifically all the times he'd brag about the little gifts you'd given him inorder to make me jealous or when he'd tell me I should man up and act upon my own feelings."

"I regret leaving sometimes, especially after I heard about Emma... I should have returned and been there for you." All the regrets and apologizes you held deep inside began bubbling to your surface now that Mikey was Infront of you cementing your demise with his presence. "You must have felt so alone after everything that's happened to you and I left at just the start of it all because I couldn't handle my own pain. I should have been there for you! If it was possible Shinichiro would have probably scolded me for abandoning you both after his death."

Mikey was beside you in an instant, pulling you into his arms and snapping you out of your internal self destruction. "Stop blaming yourself! Even if you had never left we'd still be in the same spot as we are now. I never blamed you for anything, neither did Emma and I'm sure my big bro wouldn't have either. Fate fucked all of us up, there was no feasible way for anyone to see just how bad things would become for the both of us."

Even after hearing his words you couldn't help from sobbing into his chest. All these years of masking the ache you'd felt was catching up to you and there was no stopping it from flowing out of you now that you've started to release it. You heard of every misfortune in Mikey's life and added it to your own pain everytime, from the struggles of Toman to the deaths of his friends and Emma. Every piece weighed on your heart as if you were the one that had caused them all by leaving after Shinichiro passed.

Not long after your tears stopped flowing and your breathing returned to normal after sobbing so hard, Mikey suggested the pair of you go lay down in your bed. All the exhaustion of letting out years of bottled emotions made you nod your head on agreement almost instantly after he'd suggested resting.

"Just rest now, I promise everything is gonna be okay and that you won't have to feel the burden of heartache for much longer." Mikey held you in his arms with all the affection the pair of you thought you'd never get to feel. "I know I said earlier I saved you for last because of how my brother felt about you but honestly I think I mainly chose to kill you last because of my own feelings. Truthfully Im an asshole who fears feeling the same pain you felt, having to live my life knowing my love is dead. I could handle living without you in my life knowing your living your own life but the thought of me being alive while your dead makes me feel ill."

Your brain was far too tired to respond to his ramblings with words of your own, so you sleepily just gave a hum and let your heavy lids shut over your eyes.

"I'd be lying if I said the thought of us dying together tonight didn't crossing my mind, but I know Id only be tarnishing your death tonight by adding my own. You deserve to be found alone so you can be mourned and not found with my own body bringing in all the attention or gossip of why you're with a wanted man like me. People would think poorly of you if they thought you had anything to do with me." He moved to lie you down beside him as he sat up somewhat over your sleeping frame. "Besides I already plan on going out at the hands of someone else. He actually reminds me alot of my brother funnily enough. I wish you could have met him sometime, and maybe it would have helped you move on from Shini. Regardless it's too late for any of that, and I know he won't be the one to actually kill me in the end but it'll still be nice to see him one last time too before I go."

All was silent now that Mikey had quit rambling to your sleeping form. He sat there watching you sleep for what felt like a blissful eternity to him, a hand of his snaking up to caress your neck. His fingers traced up and down the front of your throat a few times, feeling the steady pulse beneath his touch.

He knew he had to do end this eventually. He'd have to wrap his hands around your delicate neck and squeeze at some point soon before all his resolve left him. He knew strangulation was a more personal ways of killing someone since he'd have to look you in the eyes as he did it and hold longer than he'd think so you'd actually pass away and not just pass out. You deserved something more personal and intimate than just a bullet to the head or heart, sure those would end you quick but they were to heartless in his opinion.

He took a deep breath, mustering all his resolve as his hands circled your neck and began to tighten his grasp till he knew you'd have no room for oxygen to move in and out. You're eyes had opened from the shock, though once you'd realized what was happening you'd shut them again. Mikey hoped from the flash of a smile on your lips that in the haze of these final moments of yours, you'd mistaken him for Shinichiro.

Once it was all said and done, he'd planted a peck on your lips then laid back down beside you. Holding your limp form for this final time as he let his own exhaustion take over him. Tomorrow morning he would get up, say a final goodbye to you before slipping unseen out of your place and anonymously report your death before heading off to his own place of death.

Tonight though he wanted to hold you till he was sure your soul had passed over to the afterlife and hopefully you'd tell his brother and sister that he too would see them soon.

#tokyo revengers #manjiro sano #dead dove fic #dark ending

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bibuck-saved-me · 2 months

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Any 911 s7 ideas -things you think might or you would like to have happen- ?

honestly… i’m awful at guessing these sort of things. it’s been like forever since i’ve been watching a show as it’s being released (i lived in a house with someone that was very controlling about what we watched so i missed a solid 5 years or so of tv shows being released) so this is an interesting experience

honestly i get nervous about making predictions because i worry about getting my hopes up. i’m really really hoping that no matter what happens, abc does a good job handling the characters and storylines because sometimes when shows move from one broadcast channel to another it can get dicey.

i’m curious to see where they go with hen and karen and the new baby, and what hen is doing when it comes to medical school. also in general i just want more karen. always. she means so much to me you don’t understand.

i’m curious to see how abc handles the cruise ship situation, and whether it’s going to be a trauma that is thoroughly discussed or if it’s gonna be another tsunami scenario. and i want a good dramatic reunion scene between bobby and athena. i want to cry so much abc please make me cry but don’t kill them

some flashbacks to the tsunami episodes specifically for buck and eddie and christ would be great also but i don’t expect much

I WANT MORE CHRIS!!! i want to see pre-teen/early teen chris. i love him so much and i think it will be really interesting to see where they take his character now that he’s reaching an age where kids start to fully explore who they are. you reach a different level of consciousness and the early roots of your childhood form into deeper roots and personality traits and also just. teenage angst. anyway. chris diaz superiority forever and always

speaking of superior characters please please please please more ravi character development more ravi scenes im begging im on my knees he has become so important to me and i wanna see him and get to know his history more because the little bits we’ve gotten are not enough MORE. RAVI. PLEASE.

i know a lot of people are hoping for canon buddie and obviously i would LOVE to see that!! but i am also nervous that if we do start to get canon buddie, they won’t do them justice. i do however want more buddie content regardless of whether they acknowledge the romantic implications of their relationship. but also….

pls just kiss each other for gods sake. PLEASE.

also what are they gonna do with natalia and marisol because [redacted]

even if they don’t make buddie canon, i would really like to see gay!eddie become official. because that man is so queer coded, buddie or otherwise. good lord.

(also bi!buck but we know how television is with bisexual representation 😬)

and can i just say:

what the fuck is going on with the basketball shit

i have zero idea what is happening there

also i want to see madney wedding stuff obviously, specifically would love to see buck helping with decorations and planning and being a little asshole.

and more jee cuz i love her so much. i work with toddlers so i get really really excited when we get scenes of her. i really hope we get more uncle buck content but we’ve only got 10 episodes to work with so i don’t have high hopes.

this is such a long answer sorry 😅

#911 spoilers #911 speculation #kinda?

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simplytheevebest · 2 years

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Thoughts on the Fate: The Winx Saga Prequel Lighting the Fire

I read this entire book in a day. I didn’t plan on doing that, but here we are. I also jotted down ten pages worth of thoughts as I read, but did my best to condense them into something coherent and not ten pages. I am absolutely going to spend a large amount of time focusing on Farah and Saul, but I will also talk about the other characters and my overall thoughts. This is a long one folks, sorry not sorry. All opinions are completely my own, obviously, and I respect that others may feel differently and invite them to say so because I’d love to talk about it!

First, a short summary: It’s a year before the events of Fate and Farah has decided to host an orientation day for prospective students. In the meantime, she heads to the First World after discovering a letter from Rosalind about something “precious” left there. While she’s gone, Stella tries to set up her best friend Rikki with Riven and ropes them into helping she and Sky decorate for the orientation day. Riven suggests Farah and Callum are dating; Riven and Terra are friends and then not; and Stella tricks Aisha into accidentally drenching Farah while trying to “expose” her affair with Callum. Callum doses the kids with truth potion and everyone says embarrassing things. Farah meets Bloom but doesn’t realize her significance, and Saul and Sky struggle to admit that they care about one another.

Before I dive into my favorite bits, I’m going to briefly touch on the parts I felt were lacking:

The addition of Musa, Aisha, Beatrix, and any other s1 character cameos: I’m not mad about it, but it doesn’t feel like their bits added very much beyond what we already knew about them. Aisha is a perfectionist, she loves to swim, and she struggles with her magic because of her perfectionism. Musa’s mother has passed and she was there when it happened, felt her die, which is tragic and heartbreaking but again, we already knew this. They’re all are implied to have met, yet never acknowledge this after the fact. I know the book came out after, obviously, but I am a sucker for continuity especially when it’s not difficult. Shoehorning in the characters is one thing, but having them interact in such a memorable way -Stella literally convinced Aisha to inadvertently drench Farah with fountain water and Aisha and Musa had a meaningful conversation- and have that not able to be addressed in canon is a personal pet peeve.

The conspiracy about Farah and Callum: Irrelevant. It’s meant to be amusing, and I can see it playing out very well as a side-plot in a teen comedy reminiscent of the classic Disney Channel or Nickelodeon shows, but it’s out of place here. It’s meant to inject some humor, but I think it falls flat and complicates too much: Stella knows Callum is shifty, but not once does this come up from her after his disappearance in s1. It's an excuse to pit Stella and Riven against each other in an amusing frenemies way.

The misunderstandings: Listen, who doesn’t love a good misunderstanding adding unnecessary angst? That’s the good shit -when it’s done right. The misunderstandings in this book, for me, were gratuitous and senseless. Nearly every character had a different opinion about the other characters intentions. It’s the “if they just talked to each other this would get cleared up so much faster” x1000000. And then it does get cleared up, with truth potion. The truth potion, I’m sorry, was such a stupid addition and felt like it was literally an excuse to get the characters to talk about their feelings without worrying about keeping them “in character” because they were dosed with truth potion and couldn’t help what they were saying. I, personally, thought it was a bit lazy, and the blatant OOCness of the characters’ dialogue at that point was almost unbearable.

The dialogue: Was at times a bit stilted and robotic, and didn’t flow smoothly nor did the character’s voices always fit: Saul saying “what’s up nerd” to Ben, or essentially quoting the “as a treat” meme; Riven referring to people as “my guy;” Stella’s lengthy insults that dulled their wit. I didn’t hate the dialogue, and this is no shade to the author, but as with fanfiction (which this is canon fanfiction basically) there are times when the characterization and dialogue just don’t match up to our personal understanding of the characters, and that’s where I was at. I did enjoy Riven’s wit, but even that lost its charm as the story wore on.

On to specifics: I’m going to start with Riven and Stella, because they are both characters we learned a lot about in this book and especially with Riven, I gained a new appreciation for his character.

Riven

I must admit, watching the show, I bought into Riven's act and really didn't like him as a character. I also didn't like the OG cartoon Riven because he was also so hot and cold to Musa. But these additions to his character really have me feeling for him, because it comes across to me like he didn't want to immediately reinvent himself, but rather find people who accepted him as-is. And he didn't find that. Important things we learn:

Right out of the gate, we're treated to his self-deprecating thoughts on getting a "PhD in being a total loser," before he loses a sparring match to Sky. It's clear that they are not friends, that Riven is insanely jealous of Sky, and he's also insanely insecure.

He doesn’t want to be a specialist: “nobody asked [him]” if that’s what he wanted, so I guess he didn’t really have a choice.

All he really wants is "a small gang of friends to hang out and judge others with." Which like, same.

Riven is also ignorant of Solarian royalty because he doesn't recognize Stella. It implies, to me, that Riven grew up somewhere remote enough (perhaps not in Solaria?) to not be aware of something so "basic." He does know who Andreas is, and also unwittingly insults him (and Stella) to Sky, and thus assumes Sky hates him.

Riven and Terra were friends (which we knew) because she found him crying in the greenhouse one day and assumed he was being bullied by Sky and he had an affinity for potionology and cool plants.

Overall, Riven’s character gets a decent fleshing out, although his “villain origin story” falls a bit flat in my opinion because there isn’t much drive behind it. He goes from wanting real friends to wanting to be cool, then decides if he can’t be cool he’ll be mean, then ends up friends with Sky anyway even though he still doesn’t really like him? And Terra cuts him off because -and I’m very proud of her- relationships are a two-way street and Riven’s not pulling his weight.

To be completely honest I don’t understand why Riven and Sky are friends. They’re at odds for most of the story because Riven thinks Sky is stuck up and patronizing and Sky thinks Riven is a jerk with a good but sometimes insulting sense of humor. Only when the truth potion has them admit those things do they become friends, but then Riven overhears Sky say he “doesn’t take Riven seriously” and… are they friends now? They hug, but Riven’s drunk, so, like, I’m confused. Sky constantly tried to help Riven which is nice, but Riven didn’t ask for it, and Riven still feels insulted by Sky’s one-upmanship.

There’s honestly an overwhelming disservice done to Riven’s character by the others, primarily with regards to his thinking and sense of humor, which I get. His jokes are hurtful, his comments are disrespectful, but everyone seems to be passing it off as “that’s just Riven, and he’s an ass” without making literally any effort to help him realize it’s wrong, except Terra. And she’s a teenage girl on the opposite end of what Riven considers “cool” so there’s no way her words are going to hold any weight.

Stella

On my first watch-through of Fate I was not Stella's biggest fan. I hated how different she was from the OG cartoon, but as the story continued on and found its footing I came to appreciate her for the Stella of Fate without comparing her to the Stella of Winx. I think she has a lot of growing to do, and truthfully to me the character development in Stella is very weak, but I have hope they'll do her justice in s2. Important things we learn:

Stella is perfect, as she must be. She is greatly looking forward to her first year at Alfea because it means she's away from her mother and can finally be noticed. It hadn't occurred to me before this that on top of their contentious relationship being one of pressure and expectations, Stella is overshadowed by her mother's perfect image and doesn't ever get to be herself.

Stella uses her ring to attend Fashion Week in the First World, and I love it.

Stella is afraid of the dark because Luna used illusions to scare her, maybe used her magic to steal Stella's sight and make her believe she was in total darkness alone. The darkness also gives her nightmares, and she wishes she had a roommate (since she has the single room) and so she has to choose between Rikki and another suitemate Ilaria because "if your best friend didn't want to share with you, then you didn't have a best friend" and that makes me so sad for her.

Stella is with Sky for 2 reasons: image, and because he saw the real her "even when her mother's radiance made Stella all but invisible" which she appreciates, but is starting to realize isn't a reason to date someone because she'd rather hang out with her friends. It breaks my heart knowing that the Stella of first year felt she had true friends, and that she'll later lose them because of what happens with Rikki.

Stella treats Sky as a trophy a lot of the time, like a puppet to control or a toy to play with and this is very clearly her mother’s influence. It’s also very clear in Stella’s voice, because she insinuates Sky is weak for caring about this who aren’t on his “level” like Riven, or the five kittens he bottle-fed at the palace (adorable). Overall the things Stella says and her immediate thoughts after don’t mesh, which tells me they’re not meant to: her words are mean, her thoughts are not, and having learned from Luna, I have no doubt this was behavior she picked up, because Luna has always been cutting and never constructive in her criticism.

Stella genuinely looks up to and respects Farah, unlike her mother. She acknowledges that she’s Alfea’s center and that she feels she could go to Farah if she were ever “in danger.” When Stella goes to Farah for discipline for the part she played in drenching her with fountain water, she admits that she thinks Farah is more beautiful than her mother, Farah calls her a “privilege” when Stella feels like a burden and a disappointment, and Stella decides that when she’s queen, she wants to be exactly like Farah: calm, collected, and never making anyone feel inferior or scared for messing up.

Stella doesn’t go through any major character development again, but then she isn’t meant to, at this point. This is pre-Rikki’s blinding, so she doesn’t even become the person we see in s1, but we do see who she was before this -a bright, hopeful girl desperate to be seen for who she is not what she can do- and knowing what she becomes makes it all the more heartbreakingly tragic.

Now onto my two favorite parts: Sky and Saul, and Farah and Saul.

Sky and Saul (Saul's name is spelled Saúl, just as an aside)

I will say that by the time I’ve reached Saul’s pov, 30% into the book, I am already at odds with his description. It can’t be helped if that’s how other characters perceive him, but he’s far too cold for my liking. Saul in the show is stern, maybe not the best at expressing himself, but he’s not cold and he’s not mean, and he borders mean far too often in this book.

Sky's depiction of Saul's parenting makes my heart hurt, and is what I take the most issue with. Essentially, in this depiction, Sky is a duty and an obligation Saul has to put up with, and only does so because of his guilt for killing Andreas. Farah says Saul is proud of Sky but has trouble showing it, Sky doesn’t seem to think Saul cares for him at all unless he’s useful: "Every time Sky was the best, Sky proved he was worth caring for.” I disagree with this depiction for a lot of very obvious reasons. In the show, it’s very clear from RBJ’s performance as Saul that he is proud of Sky and he does care for him, and it’s very much because of his expressions and the delivery of his lines. And it can be hard to capture that in the written word, especially from the pov of a character like Sky who isn’t picking up on the nuances of Saul and his emotions the way an audience would if they were watching it play out. Like the scene where Saul calls Sky an idiot for going after the burned one, and says “your father would’ve been proud” and we can tell he’s proud, and relieved Sky is safe, and was worried for his safety, based on RBJ’s performance, but Sky doesn’t see it, and the crushed disappointment on Danny Griffin’s face tells us that Sky wanted Saul to be proud and is upset he didn’t say it. So on the one hand, I can’t fault this interpretation of Sky and Saul’s relationship from Sky’s pov if that’s how Sky sees it. But I can disagree with it because there are still parts that are just major Nope moments.

Saul getting angry that Sky asked if he could call him “dad?” Does Saul ever get actually angry in the show even?? No! He gets irritated, he gets upset, but he doesn’t get angry, and especially not angry enough to shake a child by the shoulders until he’s in tears and tell him with "cold fury" he can’t call him dad. That is so far from the Saul Silva I know that it didn’t even happen. It’s gone in my brain and straight back out because that is not the Saul-Sky father-son relationship I believe them to have and I don’t think it’s even just “not my canon,” it’s just completely OOC. Their relationship is layered and complicated because yes, I believe Sky sometimes thinks Saul only looks after him because of Andreas. And yes, I think Saul feels so guilty about Andreas that he doesn’t think it’s fair he gets to be “dad” because he took that chance from Andreas. These are definitely things that impact their relationship and the shape it takes, but this book is insinuating that Saul is cold and unfeeling to the point that Sky genuinely does not think Saul cares about him in the slightes because he’s just “so good at hiding it” -nah. Nope, not my Saul Silva.

I do agree with the characterization of Saul as Sky’s-not father not in his harshness, but in his feelings about it, because Saul doesn’t feel he deserves nice, good things after all he’s done: “Silva didn’t deserve to be his father.” It’s heartbreaking to consider that Saul never intended to keep Sky, but I actually do think it fits: Saul returns from Aster Dell to see Sky “one final time” and Sky took his first steps towards Saul, and Saul hadn’t been able to let him go. It’s adorable and sadly beautiful to consider Saul, fresh from killing his best friend and visiting the boy he just orphaned, fully prepared to let the boy go because he has no business being near him after what he did, and just. Not being able to. Looking into baby Sky’s face and remembering the promise he made to Andreas to “always look out for [Sky]” and not being able to leave him behind because it’s his fault Sky is an orphan. I don’t think Saul was at all prepared to take Sky in, I think he intended for that to be a last visit, and then returned to Alfea with a baby in his arms and never looked back. And we know he loves him: “Nobody could be as proud of Sky as Saul was.” Which is why it’s especially sad Saul doesn’t think he deserves that pride, that love, or to be called “dad.” He also calls Sky his “best boy” and my heart is melting.

By the end of the book they clear the air and have a sort-of heart to heart where Saul is firm that he’s never regretted taking Sky in, and Sky is equally firm in that he’s never regretted being taken in by Saul, which is sweet, but doesn’t make up for Saul being a drill sergeant and a jerk for most of the book.

Another major issue I have is the implication that Farah and Saul are distant from the Harvey family here. I understand if Farah and maybe even Saul felt distant from the happy family life because of their guilt and shame, but I don't for a second believe it wasn't there at their disposal. The implication here is that Ben raised Terra and Sam, Saul raised Sky, and Farah was headmistress, and they were all kept very separate from each other. Nope. Not for me. Sure, Farah probably planned to have dinners alone and spend her free hours alone, but if Ben didn't absolutely push for her to spend time with his kids, 100 percent they'd have taken it upon themselves to seek her out. It's stated that Terra finds Saul and Farah to be unapproachable and that Saul is "a completely terrifying person." Terra has a very brief interaction with Farah that feels unnatural and OOC because this book assumes they're not close, and I assume they are. Terra's nervous rambling is captured well, and when she does become a student I fully support her referring to Farah as "Miss Dowling" or "Headmistress Dowling" but only because Farah will be her teacher. Right now she should be calling her "Auntie Farah" and I won't accept anything less.

Apparently the reason the kids never played together was because once Saul and Ben let them and Terra used her magic to have vines smack Sky around while he fought back with a sword and Ben thought they were being “prepared for war” and not just having normal kid fun. If Saul was so determined to raise Sky to live up to Andreas' legacy but also not treat him how he and the others were treated under Rosalind, there's no way he'd have hidden Sky away training him to be a solider from the age of one. And the one time they do get to interact as kids, Ben puts a stop to it because he thinks it’s somehow training them for war? I don’t buy it. The Golden Trio of Fate and their children are a little Alfea family and I will die on this hill, Fate canon can bite me.

Farah

Before I actually focus solely on the Silrah parts of this story, I want to focus on Farah individually because we learn several interesting things:

Farah hired Callum specifically because he was human in a move that feels reminiscent of Dumbledore hiring Filch "to show people humans and fairies working together in harmony" and acknowledges that Callum has "somewhat of a chip on his shoulder" likely because he's human and I am assuming has been treated poorly at the hands of fairies for being "lesser."

Farah has spent the last sixteen years trying to atone for the sins she committed under Rosalind's commands but ultimately feels unsuccessful.

The First World is regarded as this strange place without magic and with electricity that many, Farah included, are unfamiliar with. It’s later said “magic hadn’t even crossed over” to the First World apart from changelings, which I disagree with because I view the worlds as being like wizards and muggles. Personally I think there’s kind of Men in Black side to the First World, where magic exists and is regulated and those who use it and live or travel there have to be registered and check in, and yeah most of the humans have no clue, but not because it just doesn’t exist there, but because they’re not meant to know.

Farah is and feels separate from her students. She has "mastered many fairy magics" but as a mind fairy she is wary of getting closer to others because they don't want to get close to her in case she reads their thoughts/feelings, and likewise she doesn't get close to them because of the overload to her senses. "Long ago, Farah had learned to keep her distance to protect herself and others:" to me, this implies that Farah has been distant from other people for a long time, as far back as her own student days, and I personally headcanon she was bullied or treated poorly by others during that time and thus learned to close herself off and this was later encouraged by Rosalind because if she had no connections, she had no weaknesses. I can even imagine Rosalind threatening Farah, or insinuating to Farah that if Farah grew close to others, she would hurt them, so Farah kept her distance. "Farah looked around Alfea with the affection she didn't know how to show her students:" so first of all, ow, this breaks my heart, and secondly, it reminds me of that line from Rosalind in s1, when she tells Bloom she needed love from her parental figure and Farah couldn't have given that to her. Excuse me Rosalind but whose fault is that??

Farah has nightmares of the things she's done under Rosalind's command and her greatest fear is turning into Rosalind and treating her students the way she was treated.

Farah feels like an outsider compared to Saul (who has Sky) and Ben (who has Terra and Sam), and all she has is Alfea. "She had both no children and many children:" I love this line for a lot of reasons. First because, to an extent, I agree with the idea that Farah feels separate. Despite how close she is with her friends and their kids, she is still removed from them, and I understand, because of everything she's gone through, that although the kids may see her as a maternal figure, Farah herself might not, not because she doesn't love them, but because that's a good, nice thing, and Farah wouldn't allow herself to have that. She's spent 16 years making up for the past and feeling guilty about it, she's not going to readily accept the good things in her life because she may not feel she deserves them after all she's done. I also love this line because regardless of Farah's intentions, she subconsciously loves every child that comes through Alfea's doors, even if she struggles to show it. It's ironic to me, but also fitting considering other parallels, that Rosalind would view love as a weakness (like Voldemort) and try to train the love out of Farah, who now believes herself incapable of love, when in actuality she possesses and unknowingly receives so much love it might ultimately be what saves her (idk if this makes her Harry Potter, or Lily, which makes Bloom Harry). Because regardless of whatever her fate ends up being in the show, the love and loyalty and respect her students and friends and family have for her is ultimately going to be Rosalind's downfall, I believe, and if it doesn't play a part what in the hell are you doing Fate?

It’s confirmed Farah cried after Aster Dell. She didn’t, in the flashback we saw, but I imagine that was a “steady on” moment and it wasn’t until later she actually broke down because that seems like just the Farah thing to do. Saul says it was the “only” time he saw Farah cry, which I might believe only because it’s very easy to talk oneself out of crying if you have enough practice as I suspect Farah does, so even with nightmares, she likely doesn’t cry, or doesn’t let the tears fall, which is why Saul’s only seen her cry the one time.

I am very intrigued about Farah's trip to the First World because I am currently working on a story about it, so to see a canon-adjacent version of how she met Bloom has me very excited. That being said, nothing like that happens, and I’ve been left disappointed. Farah uses tracking magic and is perplexed by the “strange perfumes” being sold in a shop “claiming to smell like sugary cereal and one like a camel.” Does fairy Sephora not exist? You’re telling me there’s not a fairy perfume called like “Unicorn Blood?” It’s Fate’s own fault for not worldbuilding more in the first season and leaving us high and dry in between then and season 2, but in the OG cartoon the realm of Magix was like, New York City or the Capital from Hunger Games on steroids. It had high end clothing stores and restaurants and was where the rich and fashionable spent their days. I think the girls went several times, most notably to choose dresses for some dance or another. You’re telling me nothing like that exists? Or Farah’s just never been? Not buying it, personally.

The magical trail leads Farah to an antique shop, where she meets Bloom and Vanessa. Bloom comes across as a sort of Belle from the Beauty and the Beast remake, spending all her time at antique stores and junkyards and “all last weekend” fixing her new clock. We know Bloom likes antiques because of a throwaway comment in the show and because she held a lamp that one time, but this addition is actually super cool to me. It tells me Bloom is fascinated by how things work, and makes more sense her detailed notes on how her magic works. Bloom readily admits to being weird and a loner at school, I’ve always personally headcanoned that she’s bullied, and thought her conversation with Aisha about Harry Potter was very telling: clearly, being into something considered “mainstream” Bloom should’ve, in theory, had at least a few friends, but she was obviously so starved for attention when Aisha brought it up that I’m more likely to assume Bloom’s “weirdness” warned people off before she even had the chance to approach. So poor little Bloom took sorting hat quizzes by herself but had no one to share the results with. These fun Bloom-centric tidbits aside, we don’t see any sort of interaction between she and Farah. They don’t even speak. So what was the point?

And finally:

Silrah

Farah and Saul interact exactly one time in this entire story, and I’m not counting him throwing his jacket at her after the fountain incident. Still, it’s a wonderfully tender moment that’s not obviously Silrah but still implies a deep trust and bond between them. I am a die-hard Silrah shipper, but more than that it’s important to me as a proud asexual that their intimacy extends beyond the physical, that they are so deeply connected as people who love one another in any context that defining their relationship almost doesn’t matter. I still want them to kiss, but exploring their connection on a deeper, more vulnerable and emotional level appeals to me too. It’s immediately established by Farah that no one knows Saul like she does because she can tell from his face or the look in his eyes exactly what he’s thinking and feeling.

During Saul’s first pov, I greatly enjoyed the deep-dive into Saul’s thoughts about Farah regardless of his other characterization issues: he trusts her so implicitly that it’s become second nature. He doesn’t know what it means not to trust Farah, not to follow her or listen to her because that’s what he’s always done. He can’t imagine not doing that: “She was the fixed point of the world.” It’s described in terms that go back to his being a soldier, that it’s second nature to let Farah run the show because he’s not a general he’s a soldier thus he must have a leader, but it doesn’t imply that could be just anyone: he followed Rosalind until it became a choice between she and Farah, and Saul was never going to choose anyone but Farah.

The relationship between the Golden Trio of Fate is odd with regards to Ben, because interactions between he and Saul and he and Farah feel almost like an after thought, like the proper care and attention wasn’t paid to his character like it was with Saul and Farah, or almost like it’s a support for the close relationship Silrah have, that they’re not close to Ben, which feels like a disservice. Saul mentions that Ben “buried the soldier he used to be deep, and now pretended he was gone” and Saul can’t relate to that: I agree, I think Ben found it easier to let go of that part of himself because of his kids but also because he doesn’t have the role of training soldiers the way Saul does. Saul is, essentially, doing exactly what he’s been doing almost his whole life. Their paths are very different. But they’re friends, or they’re meant to be, though this book isn’t the best at showing it, and I don’t like how he can waltz into Ben’s greenhouse and proclaim “what’s up, nerd” and just as easily snap at Ben that Sky’s “not his son” and follow it up with an angsty internal monologue about how he and Ben don’t understand each other. Are they friends or aren’t they? There’s bad at expressing oneself, and then there’s just bad communication, and it’s difficult to be friends with someone who doesn’t communicate, in my experience. But this disappointing interaction with Ben does work as a stepping stone to Silrah, as Saul reflects that he can always trust Farah to know how he feels even if he can’t say it, because she’s a mind fairy. Though that is implying she regularly delves into his mind, which I disagree with, and Farah later confirms is not true, but this bit is from Saul’s pov, and if he were a mind fairy he’d likely look at others’ thoughts to see if they were a threat, so realistically assumes the same of Farah.

Farah’s thoughts on Saul are fleeting in comparison to his thoughts on her, but she does acknowledge their bond and all they’ve been through, and that she can always trust and rely on him, but chooses not to tell him about going to the First World so as not to ‘burden’ him. They discuss this, in the only scene where they properly interact, and Saul rightly tells her she’s being ridiculous because he’ll always be there for her: even when she questions if he’d make the same choices at Aster Dell over again, knowing what happens, he refuses to entertain the idea of not picking her, or staying by her side. It’s honestly the most Saul has been ‘himself’ in the entire book, because he’s the most emotionally open. He calls Farah “the beating heart of this school” and that when she’s gone that heart “skips a beat;” Farah challenges him, telling him not to act as though he “can’t live without [her]” and Saul replies definitively “I can’t live without you.” It’s as close to a declaration of love as we’ve canonically gotten so far and I love it. Their banter is cute, friendly, exactly as I’d expect considering the years they’ve been together and all they’ve gone through. They both get flustered at the almost-admitting of feelings, which also feels very in character, and both have separately admitted that when it comes down to it, they’d take the blame and shoulder the guilt if it meant the other didn’t have to.

Overall, the book was enjoyable and I have no regrets buying it or reading it. There’s some lovely characterization additions, some headcanons confirmed, and relationships explored. The plot felt only mildly lacking and a bit jumbled with the shifting of povs, and I think could have benefited from a bit of tightening up and clarity of direction, ie focusing on Farah in the First World as the main plot, then Orientation Day as the subplot. But that’s also because I’d rather have had an entire book about Farah (and Saul) and I crave any Farah content I can get.

I’m sorry this is so ridiculously long. The good news is, by the time I cut it all down, it was only 9 pages instead of 10.

#long post #fate the winx saga #ftws #fate winx saga #fate: the winx saga #eve best #farah dowling #saul silva #rob james collier #farah x saul #silrah #farah dowling x saul silva #fate headcanons #fate review #In Fate we don't say I love you we say you're the fixed point of my world and I think that's beautiful

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dimpledpran · 1 year

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8 Shows to Get to Know Me

I was tagged by the lovely @talays-portkey and @i-got-the-feels !

1. Ghost Whisperer (2005-2010) I think this was the first show that i actually tried to watch as it was airing. I still remember waiting for 10pm every Friday, whether everyone else was awake or not. I think I watched all the way from Season 1-4, until it stopped airing on our local channel.

2. Glee (2009-2015) Honestly this was my introduction to the English music scene. I did not grow up listening to English songs, so my initial playlist was basically Disney Channel artists and Glee covers. As a music lover, I just enjoyed listening to their takes of the songs. I think I stopped watching somewhere during Season 3, and only did the Cory tribute episode after that.

3. Teen Wolf (2011-2017) This was the first show that I started reading fanfics for. Well I started reading before I watched it, but Sterek stole my heart. I was very into the series, to the point that I watched Season 3B in one night because I had to find out what happened. Dumb me thought it was a good idea to start a new season at 8pm at night. I stayed up through the night, and texted my friend at 6am to yell about the whole thing. And they replied that it is too early to be awake to scream about it. “What do you mean wake up and watch it. I haven’t slept yet” So yeah. Stiles is my baby, and I will protect him with my life.

4. The Untamed (2019) My friend recommended this to a few of us during covid lockdown, and I am very glad she did. It really opened me up to a whole new world. This show had such a grip on me. To the point that I started a new side blog for it, and learnt how to make edits for it. I got to know so many incredible people through the network cos of this show. It was such a brilliant show! The plot is so intricate! It has angst and heartache and amazing costumes and stunning sets and a cast who honestly killed it. Definitely a show that I would recommend to everyone.

5. Bad Buddy (2021-2022) Obviously I can’t go without talking about BB here. Have you seen my blog URL? Till BB, I never watched a show as it was airing. I usually wait for it to end and then binge, or start watching it just in time for the finale. But I kept seeing gifs on tumblr and it made me want to check it out. And boy am I glad I did it. It was such a fun experience to watch it live and scream on a weekly basis. For some reason the hold that this show has on me seems to be lifelong? I have no complaints though. I am still enjoying all the BB brainrot. Pran is my baby. I have never related to a character as much as I relate to him. He is so precious to me. And this show just blends angst with humour and a touch of reality so well. I am making it my personal mission to read through every Patpran fic on AO3. This show made me want to try writing. I cannot explain how much this show means to me. A definite must-watch as well!

6. Arivaan (2019-2020) So my sister told me that this is my kind of show and made me watch it. I started it while she was halfway through, and finished it way before her. It was right up my alley. The whole premise is about trying to identify a serial killer who has been murdering women, and leaves an origami paper crane behind. There is a police officer who manages to find these clues and tries to identify him, but the killer disappears and due to personal issues he end up leaving the force. Years later the killer is back and he somehow gets roped into it again, but his partner is now leading the case, and is finding out things that he doesn’t really want to. And I really enjoyed the way it was taken, and the I am really hoping that there will be a Season 2 for this.

7. Paava Kadhaigal (2020) Honestly no show has made me as mad as this has, and that is totally the point. (Although I am totally gonna be ignoring the second episode. That does not exist to me) It is an anthrological series, with 4 3 episodes touching on different hard topics/issues prevalent in society. The way it was taken , the music, THE CAST, EVERYTHING WAS BRILLIANT!! I had to pause it and just scream on twitter to release all the frustration that this brought up. Which means it really did its job well. I have not watched this series since the first time, but trust me when I say I remember every detail because it has such a lasting impact. Especially the first and the last. I was bawling. NOTE: This can be very highly triggering, so please do check out the synopsis before you watch it. Or feel free to hit me up with any questions, or just scream about it if you do check it out.

8. 3 Will Be Free (2019) Insane plot with amazing characters with so much depth. Loved that each character was so complex. There is no character that is purely good or bad, like it was so real, and you feel for them all equally. This really set a standard that no other show has reached so far. I need another series like this. And of course anyone who put Tay Tawan in funky suits gets a plus from me. Also more female characters need to have guns!!

Honorary Mentions: Mindhunter: This would have been number 8, if it wasnt cancelled!! The casting directors for this deserve all the bonuses for how creepily identical the actors look to the actual serial killers! It was so interesting to try and get into the head of the serial killers and understand why they did what they did. LOVED IT!!! Until We Meet Again: This used to be my favourite BL series until Bad Buddy took over. I loved Fluke’s effortless acting. He is brilliant. And I love the whole concept of reincarnation and finding you soulmate. And this did it so well with the angst and touch of humour and romance. And of course TeamWin stole my heart.

Theory Of Love: Honestly, wasn’t that much of a fan the first time I watched it. But the redemption arc is so goood, that I felt so much for Khai the second time I watched it. That train station scene just lives in my head. So for rewatch factor, this deserves a honorary mention.

The Good Place, Word Of Honor, We Best Love, Stranger Things, RE:Mind

Tagging: @highwarlockkareena , @eohachu , @markpakin , @fangrui , @fuujiikaze , @gege @seawherethesunsets @gaiamochi (no pressure)

#tag game

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crematedcarnations · 2 years

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dabi/lov-centric fic recs!

wooo it's fic rec time again!!! most of these r gonna be dabi or toya-centric, but there's like one or two that's aren't. lots of manga spoilers, especially considering how much of them are dabi-centric. you can find bnha recs in general here. once again, recs under the cut. onwards!

the one where Touya takes their siblings with them when they ditch their dad - timefire25

teen and up, no archive warnings apply, gen

ongoing, 27/?, 37,612 words

summary:

"Oh, look at me, my name's Touya Todoroki, I'm walking around with fresh second degree burns and claiming I'm uninjured. What's your problem?!"

Touya was more offended by that impression than anything.

"I don't sound like that. Right, Shouto?"

But Shouto was no longer next to them.

"Sit down somewhere. If you pass out from the pain I don't want you to get a concussion. You've got enough brain damage already."

Touya opened their mouth to retort something, but remembered all the times they've taken a hit to the head - be it from Endeavor, some asshole villain (who was not Endeavor), the goddamn cupboard or a book Natsuo had thrown at them once - and closed it again. He probably had a point there. They sat down on the ground and Natsuo went to get the medical supplies.

Or, Touya is toeing the line between vigilante and villain, Fuyumi tries to keep her family safe and discovers her secret passion for hacking, Natsuo is surprisingly good at patching people up for a ten-year-old, Shouto just wants his soba, and Aizawa + Yamada accidentally adopts all of them

[POV alters between Touya and Aizawa]

personal opinion/extra:

lovely fic! v entertaining, with found family, hurt/comfort, angst, and fluff, all in one. there's also a cat. who doesn't like cats?

My Blood - Monkey45214

not rated, graphic depictions of violence, gen

ongoing, 19/?, 28,906 words

summary:

Dabi sometimes forgot Todoroki Touya. He was so embroiled in his new role of villainy, it barely registered there were people who knew him as Touya. Dabi didn’t think they would recognize him though.

————

Touya woke up disoriented in a hospital bed. What the hell happened?

***de-aged Dabi***

personal opinion/extra:

yes, a de-aged dabi fic. personally i find them delightful, so long as they're well-done. definitely suggest reading the tags on this one before diving in.

Truthful Conspiracies - AshEclipse_Playz

a series! ongoing, but the first work is completed. ratings and what not will be from the first part

general audiences, creator chose not to use archive warnings, m/m (hotwings/dabihawks)

complete, one-shot, 7,939 words

summary of the first fic:

"It’s not often Endeavor mentions his children, but when he does, he often mentions that he had three children, me being his biggest pride.”

Shouto’s face on the screen seemed neutrally blank, but Dabi could tell that he wasn’t at all ok. The little twitches in his eyes was all he needed as a hint.

Taking a deep breath, Shouto continues. “What hasn’t been said is that he used to have one more child… my eldest brother, Touya Todoroki.”

It started when Shouto reached 100k followers on his conspiracy theory channel. He exposes the Hero Public Safety Commission, Endeavor, and makes one phone call, which made him break down into tears. Happy tears of course!

personal opinion/extra:

i feel like it starts off a bit more on the crack/light-hearted side, but towards the end it heads into the more serious part of the fic. definitely an entertaining read! i'm looking forward to the future additions to the series. while the dabihawks is part of the fic, it's brought up in one of shoto's conspiracy videos, but it is actually a thing.

Toga Steals Children, Eri Steals Hearts - S_C_G

another series! currently 5 works, (all one-shots) and likely more to come.

majority of the works are rated teen, one is general audiences. no archive warnings apply/creator chose not to use archive warnings. mostly gen, although one work is rated multi. however there doesn't seem to be much romance or anything going on

5 works, ongoing, 8,233 words

series summary:

Before the heroes can stage their raid on the Shie Hassaikai, Toga Himiko makes off with Eri. As the league gains a little sister and the heroes scramble to find her, things start to change. Only time will tell if it's for the better.

Updates Some Weekends.

first work summary:

Himiko's going stir crazy hanging around these lame Yakuza goons. To avoid snapping and stabbing her "allies" she sneaks off to explore. Maybe she'll find a nice knife or two she can steal on the way. Eh, that small sad child will work just as well. Shiggy probably won't mind.

personal opinion/extra:

yes. it's an 'eri gets adopted by the league of villains' series. it's delightful and i highly suggest reading it.

Of chocolate, films, and somber secrets - MintyCrystal

teen and up, no archive warnings apply, gen

complete, one-shot, 829 words

summary:

Midoriya's first Christmas with the League.

All fluff and crack, no angst here, just idiots being a family. A scary, morally questionable, and unorthodox family, but a family nonetheless.

Featuring: Dabi being a good sibling, dunking on Christmas movies, baking mishaps, and quite a bit of screaming.

For my friend daylight!

personal opinion/extra:

short but sweet. absolutely delightful fic with izuku celebrating christmas w/ the league. entirely fluff and crack, highly suggest it if you're looking for something nice with found family.

I Left the Cameras Running - DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee

general audiences, no archive warnings apply, gen + m/m (dabihawks/hotwings- not the main focus and doesn't affect the plot much)

complete, one-shot, 4,054 words

summary:

“So, just checking, you know I’m not actually Endeavor. I just played him on tv one time,” Touya says flatly as he fidgets with the ropes binding his wrists. “Shut up!” Kidnapper 1 says, “We know that!” He follows this up by muttering “We know that now,” to himself, which does not inspire confidence.

Todoroki Touya did not intend to become famous. Or an actor. Or a famous actor. But sometimes the stars align just right for you to give a huge metaphorical middle finger to your evil dad in a very public way while laughing your ass off and rolling around in a literal pile of money because you took your first paycheck to the bank and had them give it back to you in the smallest notes possible just to make your childish roll-around-in-a-pile-of-spite-money dreams come true.

personal opinion/extra:

au where toya becomes an actor, kind of on accident. and then he gets kidnapped. definitely give this fic a read, it's hilarious.

sing (for me) - Obsidian_Arrowhead

teen and up, graphic depictions of violence, gen

complete, one-shot, 1,653 words

summary:

It's ingrained in his very bones (but did he ever want it to be?).

personal opinion/extra:

this one. this one hurt. hurt with little to no comfort. basically, dabi knows how to play the piano, but there's a lot of bad memories attached to it. and they end up getting dragged to the surface when he's with the league. definitely read the tags before reading.

We got the fire, and we're burning one hell of a something. - Kasuna_Kotonoha

general audiences, creator chose not to use archive warnings, gen + m/m + other (hinted tddk that can be perceived platonically, and rei/endeavor)

complete, one-shot, 3,081 words

summary:

At age eight, Touya Todoroki becomes the de facto caretaker of his siblings. Sure, his father hired cooks and nannies and babysitters, but it was Touya who actually took care of them.

Fuyumi, bless her, tries to help, and she does take some of the weight off his shoulders, but Touya bears most of the burden and responsibility. He knows the nannies and babysitters aren’t going to report anything to the police, despite how obvious everything was.

Rei Todoroki dies giving birth to Shoto. This changes everything.

What if Touya Todoroki was the one who ended up in a mental hospital

personal opinion/extra:

ow. plenty of hurt, with lots of comfort to balance it out. definitely suggest reading this fic if you like the todofam and aus where dabi isn't attempting to murder his family. obviously, read the tags. this is the todoroki family we're dealing with, after all.

This is Family (Welcome Home) - MarksOnBark

another series. not all the works are dabi-centric, but i still highly suggest this. it's well written and enjoyable, and the ocs are inserted well imo.

teen and up, no archive warnings apply, gen + m/m + other (depends on the fic, but there's dabihawks, erasermic, tddk, and some of the ocs have their own relationships)

completed, 6 works, 45,048 words

series summary:

As Hawks hires employees for his agency, he accidentally finds himself a found family.

first work summary:

"There aren’t many things that the Commission allowed Hawks to control. His training, his diet, his hero name, his appearance, the name of his agency, hell, the decor in his apartment had all been chosen and controlled by them. One of the few things they left to him, outside of a few of their agents who kept office in his building, was who he hired. Sure, they sent him reams of resumes of presumably pre-approved applicants, but they never explicitly told him that he had to select from those lists. So when he could, Hawks would do as he wished when it came to staffing. He hadn’t meant to primarily hire people with mutant quirks. Honest. Or accidentally build a family. Really."

Or, five times Hawks chose his family, and one time they chose him.

personal opinon/extra:

WOO FOUND FAMILY gotta love it. can you tell it's by far one of my favorite tropes? probably. definitely suggest this series! it's super entertaining and just. mmmm. dabi redemption is nice, as well. not exactly a solid ending, but i don't believe that's entirely possible, nor is it necessary. i appreciate the openness on the ending in this series. ends on a hopeful note and it's left open-ended.

serpent's dance - yuri_plicatsky

teen and up, no archive warnings apply, gen

complete, one-shot, 816 words

summary:

Sometimes Himiko feels better in other people's bodies.

- Toga seems to spend a lot of time outside her own skin. It'd be a shame if that impacted how she felt about her own body.

BTHB prompt: body image issues

personal opinion/extra:

short hurt/comfort fic, ft. dabi being a decent sibling (well, to toga at least. i like to think they have a somewhat sibling-y relationship) and some insecurities. i suggest reading the tags before reading.

if i catch fire then i change my aim (throw my troubles at the world again) - unova

teen and up, no archive warnings apply, gen

complete, one-shot, 4,669 words

summary:

“Oh,” Dabi finally mumbled, still a bit surprised at Eri’s revelation. He considered his next words carefully as the bitter voice in the depths of his heart taunted him, reminded him that he could relate to the young girl. “My… my father’s not a great person, either.”

personal opinion/extra:

dabi and eri bonding. i love them :) they make me so happy. give it a read, it's fantastic.

Compress, take the wheel - Present-Mics-scream (write_your_way_out)

general audiences, no archive warnings apply, gen

complete, one-shot, 1,065 words

summary:

Car sickness is the bane of Dabi's existence. The league won't let him forget it, and Spinner is driving again.

personal opinion/extra:

just some delightful league shenanigans. ft. some dadpress. love them

Came for the patricide, stayed for the waffles - The_Helay

teen and up audiences, no archive warnings apply, gen + m/m (eraserdust. definitely seems like more of shigaraki having a fan boy crush than anything else.)

complete, one-shot, 10,719 words

summary:

Endeavor has managed to push Shouto too far by doing the unthinkable, burning the All Might comic he'd received as a birthday present.

Now the number two hero must die. Shouto sets out to attain his goal of becoming fatherless. However, some people he meets at a certain bar disagree with his plans.

Hold on, what do they mean he's being kidnapped?

personal opinion/extra:

if i'm being entirely honest, it's been a while since i've read this fic and my memory is awful. i don't remember all that much but i definitely know i enjoyed it. basically shoto wants to kill endeavor, ends up finding the league, is 'kidnapped' but is it really kidnapping if the victim doesn't care?? (/j) and. yeah things happen. at least that's what i remember

Emo Coat and Edgy Staples - LifeOfMystery

teen and up, no archive warnings apply, gen

complete, 3/3, 10,062 words

summary:

A soft giggle reached his ears and Touya bolted upright. He had definitely gone to sleep alone last night, and he wasn’t expecting any visitors.

And yet, for some reason Toga Himiko was sitting in front of him, peering with eager joy into his eyes.

Pro hero Kasai wakes up in the League of Villain's headquarters with a new coat, new scars and a strange bird on the phone.

personal opinion/extra:

dimension hopping fic! gotta love em. give this fic a read and some love if you enjoy it. very entertaining!!

okay that's probably it. if i ever have more i'll make another post but right now i'm living off of iced coffee and spite so this is what you guys get. hopefully you enjoy the fics! again, tell me if any of the links are wrong or broken or something and i'll do my best to fix them.

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vauxxy · 1 year

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songs i think the marauders era characters would EAT THE FUCK UP!!

james potter

‘say yes’ by elliott smith

i feel like james doesn’t really listen to music that much, more so just pick out a few songs that sirius and remus like and just go with it. remus loves elliott smith (despite his more ‘grunge’ music taste) so he would play a lot of his songs when he’s alone or just chilling out.

james would hear this song and be like “UMMM THIS IS SO ME CORE” and he’d listen to it on repeat for WEEKS.

remus lupin

‘my iron lung’ by radiohead

this mother fucker is a radiohead stan. remus is the radiohead bf sirius is his blur gf.

he loves a little guitar riff and then absolutely nonsensical breakdowns in the middle of the chorus 👍

also i feel like he just relates to the teen angst vibe of it. he listens to it when he’s upset that he’s a queer werewolf from care home. so HIS ‘iron lung’ in that sense would be he queerness and his upbringing, or maybe even sirius at some points.

sirius black

‘beetlebum’ by blur

one thing abt sirius is that he only listens to brit-rock or 2000’s pop punk bangers with explicit sexual innuendos. they just hit!

he’s an early p!atd stan btw. soz.

and a deftones boy. cringe!

but he really likes blur!! he listens to it for hours at a time. he just LOVES the chorus soooo much. it’s a bit basic but he likes it.

lily evans

‘velvet ring’ by big thief

i feel like lily is a folk fan above all other genres of music. obviously she loves fleetwood mac, taylor swift, etc… but her loyalties lie with the cluttered, wordy and intimate lyricism of artists like big thief, clario and sidney gish.

lily listens to this specific song whenever she feel nostalgic or when she’s got growing pains. it kinda grounds her. she’s the type of person who gets so fixated on the past or what her futures gonna look like, so she channels those feelings into reflection instead. she finds a lot big thief’s songs do just that :)

marlene mckinnon

‘debris’ by lowertown

marlene loves indie girl music!! she loves messy vocals and melancholic chord progressions, so she lovesss lowertown.

this song is basically the verbalisation of how she feels other people would treat her if she finally opened up. she feels deeply attacked by the lyrics lol xx

mary mcdonald

‘this is what makes us girls’ by lana del rey

this mf loves lana del rey more than anything. she is a dark feminine born to die giant falsies dark pink french tips and ices mocha latte typa girlie.

this song just makes her feel so powerful and so connected to her friends!! she thinks it’s just so her. she also feels like her attractiveness is one of her best qualities (which isn’t true she’s literally the funniest and kindest girl at hogwarts) and one of her only strengths and she HATES FEELING THAT WAY… so when she listens to lana she’s like ‘mmm she’s so mother! she gets me!!!’

she knows she’s a pretty girl with a group of pretty girl friends and she loves it!!!!

regulus black

‘you’re on your own kid’ by taylor swift

ok regulus is not a tswizzle fan by any means.

but pandora likes her and forced him to listen to a few of her favourite songs. when this song came on he was like “… ok wtf 😧 she’s so me”

all of the lyrics just ATE in his mind. he relates to every lyric PAINFULLY SO.

pandora

‘whatever’ by elliott smith

pandora listens to literally every type of music ever.

she likes phoebe bridgers and found out about elliott smith though her, and heard this song and was like “elliott smith wrote this song about reggie and i xx”

they’re best friends! they are literally the bestest of friends. such a pure friendship.

all of them :)

‘spring’ by angel olsen

bro you’ve gotta listen to this song. it’s like evil crack.

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autisticandroids · 1 year

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directors commentary for goldfish

[the goal here is to provide a director’s commentary, a la the one i did for i fold in half so easily, though obviously less comprehensive. this commentary is for goldfish.]

ohohohoho this one will be fun. the thing about this fic is i was like... stretching my creative writing muscles more than i usually do, because normally i write within, i guess, really narrow parameters? like i have extremely limiting constraints on things like how characters react to situations, and in fact, what situations arrive because a lot of my conflict is character driven, because i need stuff to work in tandem with my interpretations. like, to me, ficwriting is less about creative writing and more just an extension of interpretation, you know? obviously this isn't always true, i've written a number of fanfictions which ask important creative questions like "what if this gross thing happened" and "what if horny," but like. on the balance, when i write it's mostly about interpretation. it's like, deductive reasoning as opposed to the inductive reasoning someone who might write a longer, plottier fic might use. like, i'm trying to work out fanfiction from first principles.

this is honestly mostly because creative writing is hard for me. it's not really one of my talents and it's not something that comes easily. i'm an interpreter at heart. i love to pull themes and meanings out of other things and show my work and such. i love pulling on a single thread and watching things unravel. i hate weaving the original tapestry to unravel because that's, like, hard.

anyway goldfish was an opportunity for me to indulge in character creation. the thing about lisa is that she does have some characterization in the show, but it's not a lot, and much more importantly, there's good reason for her to be different in goldfish. in the show she's got a ten year old son. parents, especially primary parents, really structure their lives around their kids, especially when they're that young. but goldfish is set like a decade later when ben would literally be off in college. lisa would have spent ben's more independent teen years unfurling a little, and would now be unfurling a lot. also importantly, lisa has experienced potentially personality altering trauma/brain damage from having her brain wiped, and the lingering memories cas didn't manage to get. i would expect that to change her at least some.

it was also fun to really write some cas and jack. like i haven't done a ton of that because a lot of the really solid cas and jack angst opportunities involve one of them being dead or absent. but in this case they can be together and still miserable <3. also the biggest motivation behind this fic in general was actually like. how bad it sucks that chuck kills jack instead of moriah getting any meaningful resolution. also stream the river by @davidfosterwallaceandgromit but that's kind of tangential.

The house is empty enough to make a woman stir crazy. Ben’s off at college, and the last few years Lisa has been making most of her money from her Youtube channel like a twenty first century Jane Fonda, so she only has students in her home studio once a week. She’s been going to the flea market every Saturday just to talk to people, and she finds herself actually looking forward to getting emails.

important to me that lisa makes gen x references. she's a gen xer.

So when the doorbell rings at eleven AM on a Tuesday in May, she’s not just curious, she’s thrilled.

oh another reason why i needed to reinvent lisa a little is that i needed her to be the kind of person who would let two strange men into her house even if they had weird vibes. and then she needed to not completely lose it when the vibes went from weird to rancid, or, at least, to not lose it so bad that the situation becomes unrecoverable. i needed her to be impulsive and open-minded, basically. so i wrote her that way.

In the distorted fisheye of her peephole, she sees two men. Maybe a man and a boy, she can’t get a good look at the second one because he’s behind the left shoulder of the first, his face in the most distorted part of the fisheye. But his forehead is baby-smooth, and his posture, the way he relates to the other one, suggests a certain skirt-clinging shyness. Neither of them appear to be carrying anything (or, the first one doesn’t; she can’t see the second one’s hands), and they’re not neighbors, as far as she knows. She can’t see any reason why they’d be at her door, but even if they’re Mormons or something, they’ll pass the time.

the thing about me is i'm not immune to jack hiding behind cas a little bit <3.

(They look a bit like Mormons, actually, or the first one does. He’s all dressed up like an accountant, with a big raincoat on. She’d call it a flasher coat if it was buttoned, but it isn’t, so it just makes him look like he’s following an office dress code. But it’s out of place in the seventy five degree spring sunshine, and besides, if this guy works a nine-to-five, what’s he doing here in the middle of his shift?)

i spent a lot of time thinking about like... how a normie would actually perceive cas and jack, in this fic. it's important to me to try and capture a truly outsider perspective - no insider knowledge leaking in and coloring things.

She opens the door and her mouth in the same motion, but finds she’s forgotten how to greet another person in a reasonable manner. Fortunately, she doesn’t have to - the man (and she can see now that his companion is a boy, maybe a few years younger than her Ben) speaks first.

“Lisa Braeden?” he asks, and his voice is odd. Gravelly. Something about it strikes her. Gives her goosebumps, actually. Maybe just because it’s weird, but… She shakes her head. If the voice reminds her of something, it’ll come to her eventually.

so she never actually MET cas but she WOULD have heard him and dean conspiring to wipe her brain while she was unconscious. chilling!

Much more unsettling is the fact that he knows her name. One of her girlfriends knocked doors for Hillary a few years back and said they’ve got these new apps that tell you the name of Democratic Party donors in each household, so probably it’s something like that, some kind of canvassing thing. At this point she’s hoping he’s a Mormon, actually. Because the other option is, well, you can’t upload videos of yourself to the internet wearing skintight clothes and doing yoga poses without acquiring a few of the less savory variety of fan. She’s never really had an incident, (she’s always thanked her advancing age for that - forty isn’t exactly over the hill but it’s definitely older in Youtube terms), but she knows girls who have, and it’s kept her on the lookout. But if he’s some kind of stalker, why would he bring his - son? Yeah, the kid has to be his son; looking at the two of them she can see it in their faces: the nose and lips and forehead, all identical, as well as the jawline and something about the eyes.

so i used to knock doors for bernie and they do in fact have a little app that tells you people's names. also it was very fun to use the straight woman definition of "girlfriend." anyway it's important to me that she perceive cas as a potential threat because again, he's a stranger. i know we know cas is a sugarplum, but she has no reason to see him as anything other than a random dude. a random dude who came to her house and knows her name.

“That’s me.” Her voice is flat. She leaves the barred screen door closed and locked, for the moment.

“May I come in?” The man looks… almost sad. Or maybe that’s just his face; his eyes are downturned at the corners in a way that makes her imagine he would look on the verge of tears even at a comedy show.

the thing about misha collins is he has tareme eyes in real life.

“How do you know my name?” She blurts, still not moving to open the barred screen.

“We- we have a mutual friend.” He looks down, now. Maybe he’s lying. His probability of being a stalker is rising by the minute, or so something hysterical in her is saying, but he doesn’t look threatening. Which is probably how a stalker would look, actually. But he looks… contrite. He’s not trying to charm her. Which is a good sign, probably. “We’ve never met, but… he asked me to do something terrible to you, once. And I did. You never found out, but I’ve… I’ve come to make amends.”

Well. Whatever that is, she’s pretty sure it’s not a stalker opener. She hears the click of the latch before she realizes she’s opening the screen. It swings open, and she and the man just sort of stand there, looking at each other. He steps back to avoid getting clipped by the door, and brushes against the kid behind him. The kid also steps back. She inclines her head, a wordless invitation to both of them, and watches him trail the man inside. He’s taller than his dad by a full inch and a half, but he’s such a bean pole that it only emphasizes how small he looks. Especially with the way he’s dressed: skinny jeans give his legs a rather baby deer look, and his windbreaker is a faux-letterman, navy blue with white stripes on the sleeves and collar, and like a letterman it’s cut to be baggy, so even though it clearly fits him like it’s meant to it makes him look swamped when paired with the jeans. Throw in his carefully combed mama’s boy hairdo and he’s got the seventeen going on seven thing down pat.

MORIAH OUTFIT MORIAH OUTFIT. anyway this is what we call tall jack agenda. alcal may be like an inch shorter than misha but To Me jack is the second tallest member of the household. i am not immune to doing stuff just 'cause it's cute. and again this is why lisa needed to be impulsive: why the fuck would you open the door for these dudes? or rather, i would, personally, i'm not a person who has a lot of fear of strangers and i'm extroverted and gregarious, but i'm also twenty five and have spent my life engaged with the kind of progressive politics where we deconstruct shit like stranger danger. lisa is a forty year old suburban mom who would have literally been in kindergarten during the satanic panic, and probably spent her whole childhood being told about pedophiles with candy vans, not to mention her whole adulthood being blasted with local news segments from stations with an "if it bleeds it leads" mindset genetically engineered to make well-off suburban white women like her feel hemmed in by danger. demographically, lisa is the kind of person who would probably call the cops in this situation, so figuring out why she doesn't is character building.

The two sit primly on her couch, mirror images of each other. The kid seems to watch his father, mimicking whatever he does, and what the father is doing is sitting knees together on her couch, hands folded in his lap, shoulders slightly hunched. She offers them water and both decline with the same polite no, thank you, but she bustles off to the kitchen anyway because her mouth is, as of seeing two strange men sitting on her nice burgundy leather couch, bone dry.

two of them. also lisa is channelling bilbo baggins here. there's guys in her house and it is ABSOLUTELY outside her parameters of normal and she's panicking a little, not really because they're a threat but because the whole situation is a little stressful.

While she’s in the kitchen, she notices the bottle of Merlot she’d left out when she’d decided to hit the mommy juice this morning. Can she even call it that anymore? She’s still technically a mother, but her kid doesn’t even live at home except in the summer these days. At this point it’s probably more honest to just call the habit “day drinking.” Or “functional alcoholism.” She snaps a reusable cork, the one with the little frog and lily pad sculpted on it, into the bottle, and stashes it under the counter.

the thing about lisa is that she's very lonely. and also she has brain damage that fucks her up in ways she is incapable of even noticing because of the brain damage.

Then she slides a hand into her purse and tries not to rattle her keyring as she retrieves it. There’s a lot of dangly bits on it: a set of cat shaped charms Ben had bought her when he was fifteen, a miniature flashlight which she still hadn’t removed despite the ubiquitous nature of the mobile phone light rendering it obsolete, and of course thirteen different keys of varying degrees of usefulness, but what she wants is the tiny canister of mace attached to the ring by a two inch chain.

Just in case.

fun fact i got into a long discussion with my feminist methodology professor like two years ago where we talked about how frequently she used to ask her female students and her male students to talk about their experiences of walking alone outside at night and the male students would be like "idk i just do it" and the female students would be like listing off the ten steps of their security routine that they would go through just to walk the hundred yards to their car. and then she (my professor) read more statistics and was like wait a minute. actually men and women experience stranger attacks at approximately equal rates. maybe i shouldn't use this as an example of structural misogyny anymore. anyway that security-conscious culture is part of a bigger ball of things that contribute to patriarchy AND white supremacy AND carceralism and and and. and actually, tangent but also not really, it has impacted lisa's life in specific ways because like. so there's the myth that women are extra vulnerable to attacks by outsiders. so therefore they need men to protect them. and anything those men do in the name of that protection, either to other people, or to the women they protect, becomes justifiable. which is what happened to lisa when she was with dean. like dean feels the need to protect lisa from monsters and the supernatural and in the course of that protection violence against lisa (and as an extension, ben) (insert dean hitting ben compilation here) becomes eminently justifiable. which is why the mindwipe happened. like obviously the mindwipe is ridiculous because it wouldn't be effective, but also even if it was, this ideology is still backing it up. (obviously dean is also using lisa and people like her to justify killing monsters as well, but that doesn't really touch her, personally).

She slips the whole rat’s nest into her back pocket, and tries to remember why she came into the kitchen in the first place. She finds herself staring at the back door. The real estate agent said it was good fire safety, having a door in the kitchen. It means you can get out if something goes wrong with the stove. Means you can run. She could just run, let the strangers take over the house and leave.

representation for girls with rat's nest keys <3. anyway again i think that lisa's sort of... frenetic flightiness is a result of the brain damage. like i think she experienced a blow to her executive functioning capacity when cas wiped her brain. but also she's like. a little tipsy right now. so.

When she returns to the living room, her guests appear to have quite literally not moved a muscle. She keeps trying to look at them out of the corner of her eye, to see if they still breathe when she can’t see them.

She takes a sip of her water.

“So, uh…” she starts. The man stares. His gaze isn’t hostile, but it is persistent, and she finds it makes her nervous. “What should I… call you?”

“My name is Castiel. This is my son, Jack.” So she’d been right. A small moment of self-congratulation distracts her from nervousness.

“Jack Kline.” The kid’s voice is expressionless. He extends a hand without getting up. It’s an awkward motion, clearly practiced and not quite understood. Fits with the rest of his behavior, the way he imitates his father. Maybe he’s got some kind of disorder. She shakes his hand.

my dad once referred to my obviously autistic chemistry teacher as having "some kind of social disorder" which is a way of normies (i say normies because my dad is Not neurotypical he just thinks of himself as normal) discussing and vaguely dehumanizing autistics that i was quite charmed by.

“You have a beautiful home.” The father seems to be staring at her cut glass chandelier. It had been quarter-price at Home Depot; the thing had a manufacturing error and one of the little chains had been shorter than the others. But it was fine. She’d just cracked out the set of needle nose pliers (padded and sold as “comfortable for smaller hands”) she’d bought herself after she’d dumped her last boyfriend six years ago and basically given up the whole “dating” thing, and used the built in wire cutters to trim the others down to match.

i'm very interested in lisa's independence and her drive for it. like obviously part of the reason she gave up dating was unremembered but still impactful trauma from 1) dean 2) matt's death and 3) having her brain wiped of All That. like i think that would kinda wreck a person's relationship with dating. and like, lisa's been a single mom for two decades at this point, she's gotte have a pretty impressive independent streak.

“Thank you.” The hard shapes of her keys dig into her behind as she sits, but the crackly, sticky sounds of the white leather armchair (it’s mainly for guests and doesn’t get a ton of traffic; her and Ben tend to sit on the couch, which is butter-soft from years of use) cover any jangling. He nods absently.

suburban moms will say the word "behind." also. cas and jack sitting where lisa and ben usually sit :3 :3 :3.

“Is it just you and your son here these days?” he asks, head tilted.

“Well, actually, it’s really just me these days, Ben’s off…” she realizes, too late, what she’s saying to a strange man in her living room. “Ben’s off at work so much,” she lies, and it isn’t smooth, but maybe it’s convincing to someone who isn’t her, “it barely feels like he lives here anymore. Today’s the only day of the week he’s home before eight pm. He- he comes early so we can have family dinner with my new boyfriend… Don.”

The father nods.

“And what does Ben do for a living?” He sounds like he’s reading off a script. Maybe the kid got it from his dad.

“He works construction,” she says, and it’s easy. She has the picture so clearly in her head, even though Ben’s in school for screenwriting. “He puts up siding on houses, mostly. What about Jack? Is he in high school?”

the construction job and naming the fake boyfriend don are both obviously about dean. like obviously she has all these memories of dean that are blocked from her conscious mind but they impact stuff like her imagination. so even though she can't Remember the image of dean putting siding on houses, she still remembers it.

That gets a blank look for a moment, but it passes quickly.

“Yes, Jack is- Jack’s in high school. He gets, uh, very good grades.” Yeah this guy is definitely just kind of stiff and awkward. She glances at the kid. He hasn’t said a word. She realizes he actually hasn’t spoken unless prompted this entire time.

oh soulless jack.... it's important to me that he's just kind of empty. a doll of his former self.

“Okay, Mr. Kline,” she turns back to the father. His eyes widen slightly when she says it, and he flinches back almost imperceptibly. But he shakes his head and recovers, smiling slightly. She guesses he doesn't like the formality, or just isn't used to it. Another tick against him actually having an office job. “Would you mind, um, telling me why it is that you’re here? And who our mutual friend is?”

i really enjoyed like. writing lisa making assumptions (like calling cas mr. kline) which are reasonable with the information she has, but incorrect. also, real time footage of cas Processing being called that.

Mr. Kline opens his mouth, then closes it. He blinks.

“It may be easier if I simply…” He leans forward, looming over her, approaching quickly enough that she can’t do anything but lean back and squeeze her eyes shut.

She doesn’t even feel his fingers touch her forehead.

Lisa must have fallen asleep over her computer. She’s uncomfortable, all twisted up and a little cold and definitely not in bed. Her teeth feel unbrushed, and she has the tell-tale headache that says she didn’t drink enough water last night. She groans and brings her hands to her eyes, instinctively shielding them from what she knows is going to be too-bright light. She rubs at her eyes, and blinks them open.

She shrieks.

There’s a man- she somehow fell asleep in the armchair and there’s a man standing over her and-

Mr. Kline.

She remembers exactly what happened today, even if she’s not totally sure how she ended up asleep, and instinct kicks in. She whips the keyring out of her back pocket so fast that she hears a tearing sound. The keys must have caught on the seat of her sweatpants, but it doesn’t matter, she already had the little canister of mace in hand and is letting loose on Kline.

god i spent so long trying to pad out the time between the setup and payoff of the mace cannister (for example, that was my ulterior motive for the paragraph about the pliers), but i'm still not happy with it really.

And he’s just standing there. Pepper spray is dripping from his chin, and she’s still pumping at the nozzle, and he’s just sort of squinting at her in seeming confusion. He hasn’t even closed his eyes.

man i had a lot of fun with this joke. personally it still gets a sensible chuckle whenever i think about it. polite angel immune to pepperspray what will he do.

“Ms. Braeden, what are you doing?”

At this point, there’s enough mace in the air that she coughs. And somehow, the coughs change and shift, and then she’s laughing, and she knows it’s hysterical, but she can’t stop, and even if she could she keeps coughing, too. And every time she looks up he’s still just sort of staring at her.

asthma experiencer voice what would it mean to laugh without coughing. i have never done this. they're the same thing to me.

“Well,” her voice is hoarse, “I was trying to pepper spray you, because you’re some kind of stalker or a rapist or something, but I guess that didn’t work, and now my living room is full of pepper spray and you’re still here.”

“I see. I’ve made you uncomfortable.” He gives her a polite nod, and then takes a couple steps backwards until the backs of his shins are against her sofa, as if everything is normal, as if he isn’t dripping mace onto her white carpet. It’s probably gonna leave orange stains. The kid’s still on the sofa, he looks like he hasn’t even moved.

i think pepper spray is slightly orange in large enough quantities? don't quote me on that

She gives another half-crazed giggle. Her knees just sort of buckle of their own volition, and she ends up back in the armchair with a sticky crunch of stiff leather.

Seeming to take a cue from this, he sits down as well, which draws a fresh bubble of laughter from somewhere down in her gut.

“You know, actually, it’s fine,” she says. It’s breathless, and she doesn’t know why she’s saying it. She waves a hand. “It’s all fine. I don’t mind.” She’s not sure what she’s giving him permission to do, but he seems reassured. There are a few beats of silence, broken up only by a slight rustling sound. She realizes the kid is tugging on the edge of his dad’s coat, or, no, he’s just holding it, crumpling and uncrumpling the fabric in his hand.

he is stimming.

“How are you… feeling?” Kline says, and stares at her with knit brows.

“Me? I’m fine. There’s a strange man in my living room who is immune to pepper spray, but I’m fine.” She closes her eyes for a moment.

“But… are you dizzy? Are you confused? Do you feel that your mind is as it should be?” He sounds so earnest and concerned it’s really kind of hard to stay freaked out, but she does her best.

“What the hell kind of question- what did you do?” Her voice should be rising with panic, probably, but it’s just resigned.

“Do you know who Dean Winchester is?” and suddenly Kline’s stare is piercing.

“Dean? My ex? We broke up more than a decade ago. What does he have to do with anything? I haven’t seen or even thought about him since- since-”

She can’t breathe again, and this time it isn’t the mace in the air. Something’s wrong. She can’t- she can’t reconcile Dean- it’s all- something’s wrong. Because he was- he was a hunter . He killed demons. He saved the world. She used to keep a shotgun loaded with rock salt in the kitchen cabinet in case she needed to defend herself, but then- then when she had moved out of that house she had found it and she hadn’t known where it came from. She had taken it to the pawn shop because she didn’t want Ben to grow up around guns, she knew they were dangerous to have with a growing boy in the house, and she’d sold it, and the owner had asked what was the deal with those weird rounds, and she’d said I don’t know. Because she didn’t. She used to know. And then she didn’t. And she can’t- why hadn’t she put up warding sigils around this house when she’d moved in? Dean had shown her how. Told her she needed protection. From things that go bump in the night. But she just hadn’t put them up. It hadn’t occurred to her. No Devil’s Trap under the welcome mat. No holy water by the door. No inlaid silver on the handle. Why didn’t she-

Kline’s hand is on her shoulder. It’s stiff, and strange, but she’s thankful for it. It forces her into the present. He’s staring into her eyes.

“You remember.” There’s a gravity to his tone, like what he's saying should make sense to her.

“I-” she searches for the right verb, the right concept for what’s happened to her, but she doesn’t know. Maybe there isn’t a right word. Maybe it’s not something knowable.

She focuses on Kline’s face. It’s lined, with deep eye-bags. She can see the pores on his nose. The skin of his eyelids is slightly shiny, a sleep-deprived greasiness. There’s a small drop of liquid just below his cheekbone. Pepper spray.

She stills.

“You’re a demon.” She’s not scared, or rather, she is, but at this point there is nothing she can do. If this man is here to kill her, there is nothing she can do to stop him. Not really even anything she could do to make it harder. “Or a vampire. Or something.”

Kline pulls back. Grimaces a little.

“Or something. I’m a fr- I knew him. Dean.”

oooooh yes babygirl update your relationship status in real time.

“Why am I- do you know why I- why the- why?” She hopes desperately that he knows what she’s asking, because if- if an or something showed up at her house the same day as- as this, then surely he has to at least know. It happened after he touched her and collapsed. That’s- that can’t be a coincidence.

Kline’s grimace deepens, and he looks away from her.

“Your memory has been tampered with.” He takes a breath. Glances at the kid. “I tampered with it, years ago. Because Dean asked me to.” He stops, sighs, looks her in the eye. “I came here to undo it. Because it was wrong.”

cas is doing a lot of things here. like, he is forcing himself to apologize for himself, and as a symbol of his new policy of applying critical thinking to the things dean has asked him to do, and as a way of going against dean symbolically to prove himself to jack because it's partly his fault that jack was in a situation to be in danger from dean in the first place. but he is also trying to set an example for jack.

“Oh,” she says, because there doesn’t seem anything else to say.

“And I want to tell you that I am sorry. I’m sorry for what I did. To you and- and to others. There’s nothing I can do to truly reverse the effects of my actions. But I can reverse the memory removal. I have reversed it. This is the one thing I can do.” Kline is staring at her, but his hand is wandering. She can see it reach behind him to squeeze his son’s shoulder. The kid doesn’t seem to be paying attention. He’s still holding the hem of Kline’s coat. Like Ben used to hang onto her when he was-

the thing about the mindwipe is it's literally like the only awful thing dean ever had cas do that's fixable.

Ben.

Dean. Dean and Ben. Dean had been so good with Ben. Ben had known Dean.

“My son.” Her voice is cold, and she’s glad it came out that way, because there was maybe a 50/50 chance of it coming out shaky instead. Kline flinches. He catches the kid’s hand in his own.

cas voice my son too <3.

“Yes. I took his memories as well.”

She finds herself standing. Taking a wobbly step.

“How dare you. You come into my house after- Give them back. Fix him.”

Kline grimaces.

“I am not… sure that ‘fixing’ is the right term. The damage has already been done, and cannot be undone. I removed your memories as an adult, and processing their return was still… difficult. Returning your child’s memories may have deleterious effects.”

Her blood runs cold. She knows he can see it on her face, and he winces.

“If you want me to return his memories, I will. You may also be able to simply… jog them, by discussing Dean. He’s your child.” His hand find’s the kid’s hair, making a fist in the long, sandy-brown locks. “It’s your choice.”

“I’ll… I’ll wait.” She needs to think. “What kind of ‘deleterious effects’?”

“I’m not sure,” says Kline. “None of my kind had ever removed the memories of a human on this scale before I took yours.” He’s looking away.

“None- what? I mean, why not?” It was the first question that popped into her mind, but she feels immediately ridiculous for letting it pop out of her mouth.

“There was no reason. None of us had ever… involved ourselves so heavily in human affairs. We were meant to serve G- a higher cause, not man.”

cas is really trying not to have the angel talk right now, not least because losing his faith in dean has really made the near extinction of angels, and the fact that cas has participated in the destruction of a lot of his siblings, a fresh new pain for him. like cas and jack are really truly all alone without the winchesters, and part of that is because cas bought into dean for so long.

“But you…” She catches herself before she says it, but Kline grimaces.

“Serve man?” The words hang in the air uncomfortably for a moment, and she can’t stop herself from wincing. Kline’s eyes are closed. “I did. I used to- to serve Dean. I thought it was righteous. I thought even when- even when I didn’t agree I thought he knew better. But Dean- Jack… lost something. And then he- Dean- there came a moment when I realized…” Kline trails off. He’s looking down at the kid, now. Finger-combing his hair with both hands.

A single tear rolls down Kline’s cheek as the kid stares off into space.

crucial to me for cas and jack to do the lal and data i will feel it for both of us thing. as i've said. jack can't experience the hurt of what dean did (yet) so cas will process it for him.

Lisa feels a shiver pass over her body.

Ben wasn’t even able to talk about it after, when Dean shoved him. Lisa doesn’t think she’s ever been that angry before or since. She wasn’t generally a breakup kind of gal, most of her relationships had just sort of coolly fizzled away. But with Dean…

She sees it, in Kline’s face. In the way he touches Jack, half grounding, half possessive. Like Jack has survived some calamity. Like Kline can’t believe he’s really there. Like he might not be, if things had gone differently.

The first sentence that pops into her head when she finishes up with her dot-connecting is You know, I’m actually not surprised that Dean was gay the whole time, but she manages by the grace of God not to let it come out of her mouth. She doesn’t want Kline to think she’s homophobic or anything.

gay dean truthing NEVER sleeps. if anybody noticed it would've been lisa. anyway i like to break up a solemn moment with a bit of levity. i love that lisa is afraid of being homophobic <3.

Instead, she stays silent a moment.

“I see.”

He nods, and his face crumples.

She realizes that he must have taken it as a statement of judgment. She would have, in his place.

the thing about cas is that he did fail where lisa succeeded. like, in the end, lisa was not willing to let dean harm her son. cas was.

“No, no.” She shakes her head to emphasize the point, aggressively enough to send her hair flying everywhere. “I mean, you- you and I- we are-” she leans forward. Takes his hand.

His eyes widen.

“I don’t understand,” he says, and the tone of conviction he uses makes the phrase slightly ridiculous.

We’re the same, she wants to say. We could have been. Instead, she glances at the kid. At Jack, with his quiet obedience and empty stare.

“Don’t fix Ben. Don’t- don’t bring his memories back. He doesn’t need to remember. And I don’t-” I don’t want him to know. To know that someone who loved him could do that to him. She isn’t sure whether she means laying a hand on him or taking his memories. I don't want it to break him.

this is a little dramatic but the thing about lisa is she is CURRENTLY LOOKING AT another kid dean traumatized. who is (seemingly) about ben's age. who dean was a stepdad two. cut the woman some slack.

“Alright,” Kline says, snapping back to himself, “but if you change your mind-”

“I’ll contact you,” she says, but she already knows she won’t. She makes up her mind to lose his number, if he even gives it to her. If he even has one to give.

She doesn’t ever want that for Ben.

that being jack's current state.

#spn #asks #angelfishofthelord

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victim9d · 7 months

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@contradictivs: i thought you had a key.

she should, she really should. it is her own home after all, having a key is the most logical thing in the world. but it's never that simple in the michaels household, and punishment is always hanging over their heads. "i did." spoken almost defensively, a slight whine in her voice as if she's trying to prove she hadn't lied. breaking into their home isn't the hardest thing in the world, years of work put into learning how to sneak out. they don't do it often, it's too much of a risk, the consequences of being caught were undoubtedly dire. but she had it up her sleeve for emergencies, and this clearly fit that bill. she'd been told if she was back within curfew that the door would be unlocked, but clearly that wasn't the case - she still had a whole two minutes until seven, technically she was on time. but with her mother it was never enough - on time was late, early was on time, and late was something so mortifying that cassie never wanted to find out what it meant. "my mom took my key 'cause she saw a picture of me with cake at marvel's party last week, which is so stupid 'cause, like, i didn't even eat any! she just thinks it's "bad for my brand" to be seen with cake as if that's, like, the most reputation destroying thing you can do." ranted like some typical teen angst tirade, oblivious to just how awful the implications of it all were. "and she said the door would be unlocked if i was home before curfew, which I AM!" pointed out with great emphasis as she stops what she's doing to shove her phone in ryder's face, making a point of being home with just moments to spare. with a dramatic sigh she goes back to positioning the trellis in just the right way, shifting it so it can reach up to her window.

"follow my lead but, like... you gotta be kinda careful 'cause i don't know how much weight this holds." not intentionally rude, more of a commentary on the fact that he's taller and more muscular than she is, and she's never tried this with two people at a time. she's pretty sure it would hold casper, and knows for a fact that cassius has used it, so she's hopeful that it'll work out. "if it breaks try not to scream 'cause then mom will find out about it and, like, i think if i land just right i won't even get hurt that bad, 'cause it's only, like, the second floor so it's not even that big of a fall." flawed thinking without a doubt, but something she's entirely confident in. she climbs the frail trellis with a practiced ease, her entirely unpractical outfit barely seeming to slow her down. it's only as she finally reaches the top that she reaches the worst case scenario: "okay, uh, so, the window is locked." not her doing, clearly. turns out her super cool secret sneaking out method may not be as secret as she thought. "okay, well, that's fine. that's okay." there's an edge to her voice now, a fear. she wouldn't admit as much, but it's obviously there. it doesn't matter that she technically wasn't late, it doesn't matter how hard she tried to be on time. chances are the door and window were both locked as soon as she left the house, further punishment for percieved misbehavior. "no, this is so fine. it's totally cool, actually, 'cause we can, like, totally stargaze." it isn't even dark yet. "and we can sit on the beach, and we can hang out, and it's not even a big deal at all!" she hasn't even begun to climb down again, hands gripping to the thin wood slats with all the might she can muster, paranoia and anxiety channeled in through her hands. "don't even freak, ryder, everything is so totally fine."

#hey i decided 2 make this bone achingly sad <3 #hope u enjoy <3 #contradictivs #answered prompts.#answered.#caspian: in character.#caspian: main (1).#i name dropped marvel as a lil Treat <3 #(he would absolutely despise cassie and make her life a living hell)

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more-than-a-princess · 1 year

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@dcviated asked: 3 and 29

Shipping Questions for the Mun - Accepting!

do you have a pet peeve when it comes to shipping?

I have plenty of these, but I also have plenty of RP pet peeves in general. For shipping specifically: one of the things I absolutely hate are when muns assume that after a thread or two, or even the knowledge my muse has an interest in theirs, that I'll want to write a sex scene immediately. Of course, I've written a variety of muses in my lifetime as a roleplayer, some of whom are very sexually active and others who aren't.

For Sonia specifically, she's a muse that even when she finds someone attractive and is interested in dating them, that doesn't mean she's going to immediately jump into bed with them (or even a relationship, for that matter!). I've run into issues with muns who have complained that I wasn't sending them smut memes, or at least very suggestive romantic memes, and I had to explain that my muse wasn't ready for that, or just wasn't interested in that side of a romantic relationship yet.

Seriously though: letting things unfold is fun.

would you play as a cheater, or with someone cheating on your muse?

In general, yes. If just for the fact that plenty of muses I've written in the past, or am considering writing elsewhere (Discord, etc.) aren't exactly the most faithful. Fujiko Mine from Lupin III is committed to herself first and foremost, followed by luxury and the thrill of stealing valuables and manipulating others. Even when she might admit that the only other person she's ever loved has been Lupin, she's still not faithful to him romantically, or the gang in general. Fujiko's most important relationship is with herself and everyone else can and will get fucked over (in more ways than one).

Julia from Cowboy Bebop is another, less extreme example: she has cheated, but she's done it once but with lasting repercussions, if we're going by canon.

Where Sonia's concerned, it's actually been alluded to in some storylines that she has emotionally cheated on her significant other, if not physically cheated, particularly with @cantillat's Shirou. When I'm writing in our canon Danganronpa/Fate crossover verse, Sonia's immense guilt for falling in love with Shirou while still dating Gundham helps Junko significantly in manipulating her/brainwashing her to become a Remnant of Despair. Because she's become the exact thing she said she never wanted to be.

Even some of her combined canon and Non-Despair backstory has some messy relationship issues, which bleed into various storylines at times. A lot of ships on this blog just haven't made it to the point or touched upon the fact of

As far as being cheated on, that's perhaps the most effective way to hurt Sonia in a relationship. It's a challenging thing for her to really let someone into her life, especially the older she gets and the more invasive her royal life becomes. That having that trust be betrayed? That she's made to look foolish and like she isn't enough and her feelings don't matter at all? And most importantly, repeat her parents' mistakes? That's a great way to bring on the angst, broken hearts, and self-destructive behavior. It would be a long road ahead for her to even attempt to trust her lover again after that.

I'd be up for writing it if someone wants to write that much angst, but it would need to be plotted. And depending on the situation and her age, I'm not even sure how many ways Sonia would retaliate. I'd still expect her to retain some restraint when addressing it, even though I'd love to see her absolutely lose her cool and let her lover and the other person have it. As much as I wish she could, I don't think she could channel some Maddy Perez from Euphoria energy.

Above video is NSFW for foul language and messy teen drama unfolding in front of an audience

#more-than-a-princess answered #more-than-a-princess headcanons #dcviated #(Shipping Questions for the mun meme)#(Sonia could take down Na.te Ja.cobs though)#(Yes I like jumping on memes months after they're relevant)

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asirensrage · 2 years

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Happy birthday week!

Just stopping by to share a plot bunny I have. Okay…I have several…okay, maybe a handful.

The first plot bunny is inspired by @erin-bo-berin and one of the anon asks she received. This particular anon asked had an idea in which the older Stranger Things teens have a campfire and they’re telling stories and Reader tells a story that channels their bitterness over how Steve never saw them as a potential love interest. So, that’s the context. My plot bunny featured an OC who suffers from Hanahaki disease. Circumstances leads the OC to get the disease taken care of and Steve and the others realize too late how important OC is. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not sure but I do enjoy angst. I’m also a sucker for happy endings but I digress.

The second plot bunny involves a fairy tale Stranger Things au. The OC makes a sacrifice to break a curse. There’s angst in there.

The third plot bunny isn’t fully formed. However, I did draw some inspiration from reading fanfics on AO3 and tumblr. What if, in the Hanahaki au, the OC was clinically dead when getting the surgery to remove the flowers/her feelings for Steve and ends up being slowly possessed by some eldritch horror or cosmic being?

Just a food for thought. Anyhoo, happy birthday! 🎁🎂🎈🎊🎉

Thank you!!!

And thanks for participating! I'm a big fan of plot bunnies. Now, I had to look up Hanahaki, and I gotta say, the idea of slowly choking to death because of flowers in your lungs (because of unrequited feelings) is terrifying.

I'm a big fan of angst so your ideas sound like a lot of fun hahaha. The realization too late is angst city! I also love the idea of breaking a curse and a fairy tale au. That's cool. Any ideas what type of curse?

Plot bunnies don't need to be fully formed, don't worry. That sounds terrifying but also fun. You could wreak a lot of havoc with that lol.

I think you have some solid ideas. Let me know if you write them or give them more form!

Thanks for sharing!!

ridea's bday celebration

#my bday is officially next week and this is starting out GREAT #lol #nemesis729 #ridea's bday celebration

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outfitandtrend · 2 years

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[ad_1] My 18-year-old daughter has a strong sense of style, but passionately hates any kind of conventional, commercial, glitzy fashion, and needs a prom dress. She thinks it should be ankle-length and not too clingy. She usually buys her clothes in secondhand stores, or on the street. The hand-me-downs from my own closet, some of them going back to my own mom, have been rejected as not right. Where to start? — Susan, New York, N.Y.Not with “Euphoria.” That much-buzzed-about award-winning teen streaming drama has given rise to an entire fashion subset on TikTok largely featuring what seems to be efforts to wear the tiniest, most body-conscious amount of clothing possible. And not with “The Breakfast Club,” the 1985 John Hughes film in which Molly Ringwald canonized the prom queen stereotype.There’s a reason the prom scene in “Carrie,” with its image of the titular character in her party dress and crown drenched in blood, has entered the pop culture pantheon. Prom is one of those social events that somehow manages to be highly fraught no matter what the generation or context. The Met Gala, after all, is effectively the fashion/Hollywood/society prom, and think about all the effort and angst that goes into that! And those guests have stylists to help.The question is how to remain true to yourself while also showing a different side. Dressing up is an opportunity to push the edge of identity, especially as high school ends, but also a risk in an arena where judgments and cliques abound — a weird bridge between past and future.In this context, I can understand why your daughter prefers not to shop your closet: Prom is, after all, about her.Plus, of course, she also needs to be comfortable enough to move around and dance without fear that some body part is going to be inadvertently revealed. Not to mention eat and drink without getting a stomachache due to corsetry or some other type of punitive dress construction.It can seem impossible. Still, there are in fact lots of alternatives to the generic spaghetti-strap-deep-vee-neck-slinky-dress-with-slit-up-the-side that seems to be the current default prom cliché.If your prom-goer is interested in the resale economy, she could scan Poshmark, which has a whole section devoted to prom dresses, and might offer more variety than brick-and-mortar vintage shops. But perhaps easier to think about is simply finding a great maxi dress, or even a jumpsuit.(Note: Often there’s a bit of a price hike associated with “prom dress” or even “party dress,” as opposed to, say, “maxi dress,” just the way there is with “white wedding shoes,” so be careful with the search terms.)This one-shouldered caftan dress from Anthropologie, for example, in bright blue is both airy and funky, thanks to the fact the strap is actually … a belt. Or check out this star-sign sequined look from Free People, and this draped silk, which channels 1930s starlet — also why I like this cowl-neck satin jumpsuit from Lulus.And it is also possible that the easiest option, as my colleague Jess Testa suggested, is a very simple dress and some great accessories: high impact, low commitment, still very personal and as unconventional as could be desired.Your Style Questions, AnsweredEvery week on Open Thread, Vanessa will answer a reader’s fashion-related question, which you can send to her anytime via email or Twitter. Questions are edited and condensed. [ad_2] Source link

#FASHIONSTUDIO

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1kook · 4 years

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A COLLECTION [ updated: 8 . 23 . 21 ]

—NETFLIX & CHILL.

summary If you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality. warnings smut in the forms of grinding, oral (f), cum eating, vanilla unprotected sex, dirty talk misc use of the oldest trick in the book (“your hands are sooo big”), shy oblivious AND gentleman jk? pick a struggle, brief ment of app developer kook, evil and conniving oc word count 10.2k posted june 12, 2020

—HULU & WOOHOO.

summary But there’s more important matters to attend to than Jungkook’s Jersey Shore boner. warnings slight feelings of insecurity, smut in the forms of fingering, cunnilingus, cum eating, squirting, hand jobs, unprotected sex, riding, slight praise kink misc if you’re not a Jersey shore fan honestly GET OUT, mentions of capitalism😡, more kind/understanding kook, basically a “what are we?” fic but silly, irresponsible emailing habits, its so dumb just read word count 6.3k posted july 4, 2020

—IMAX & CLIMAX.

summary The occasional dark horse candidate among Barbie movie binges— Jungkook gets weirdly horny and fucks you to the tune of a classic Barbie movie soundtrack. warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, tit play, praise kink, standing sex, unprotected sex, reverse cowgirl (? kinda), daddy kink that morphs into ily kink misc jk is an avid history channel viewer, jk hates Barbie movies ik we took an L today girls 😔, jk goes thru like 4 personality changes (commanding > soft > mean > in love), honestly idk what to tag it’s a mess, he’s still cheesy and romantic but also 👀 just read word count 9.8k posted august 5, 2020

—KISSANIME & FOREPLAY.

summary You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings mentions of hentai, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 word count 8.2k posted september 1, 2020

—DISNEY+ & BUST.

summary There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. warnings arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of humiliation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment (? idk lol), unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, the return of mean jk, desperate jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf misc angst, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count 13k posted september 9, 2020

—ESPN & BDSM.

summary You would like to personally thank every loud-mouthed, ESPN commentator out there for saving you from Jungkook’s dangerous seduction skills. warnings smut in the forms of brief femdom, handcuffs, nipple clamps, blindfolding, flogging/use of a riding crop, soft dom kook, cunnilingus, spitting, unprotected but passionate, degradation, as always it starts horny n then turns into I love u kink misc kook has a swollen ankle so idk how he did all this, jk abuses the fuck outta pet names part 7, revenge gone wrong tbh, this was honestly a beginner’s intro to vanilla bdsm word count 12.7k posted september 14, 2020

—YOUTUBE & USE LUBE.

summary You can’t believe this is Jungkook’s preferred sick day treatment; YouTube, cuddles, and an ugly amount of lube. warnings smut in the forms of nipple play, handjobs, spit kink, face riding, unprotected, flavored warming lube, riding, praise kink, soft femdom, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, tit sucking, tit fucking, more jk has an impreg kink, oh and this is all subby kook misc domesticity baby!! fluff, soft scenes /.\, jk is sick:((, doyeon is A Doctor, yn sees an opportunity and she grabs it, surprise ending <3 word count 8.7k posted september 30, 2020

—VIKI & HICKEYS.

summary Just like in those Viki dramas Jungkook likes, the world around you is enveloped in shades of pink and red, kisses and hearts, so many goddamn roses it makes you sneeze. It’s absolutely perfect— nothing could possibly go wrong when there’s so much love in the air. warnings a little hurt + a lot of comfort, mentions of cheating!villain!jin, insecure!kook, emotional breakdowns, mentions of jk’s lonely past, jk cries :( smut in the forms of making out, eating out, fingering, clit play, hickeys, jk likes cum, double orgasm, squirting, tiny praise kink, blindfolding, rough + unprotected sex, doggy style, choking!!!, breeding/impreg kink, JEALOUS KOOK, mini hand kink, a lil bit of spanking, degradation, he gets progressively meaner lol oc cries, jk is a good boy n I want him to be happy misc there’s a lot of fuckin plot omfg -_-, it’s Valentine’s Eve!, doyeon makes Some Points, mentions of park seojoon juicy ass, they go on a d8 😳, oc like rlly wants to marry him, oc commits double phone homicide word count 16.3k posted january 14, 2021

—PEACOCK & SWEET TALK.

summary “I wanna watch Solange in Bring It On,” Jungkook smiles, and you have to wonder who exactly this blond man is and what he did with your teen-movie-hating boyfriend. warnings smut in the forms of kissing, cunnilingus (eating out + fingering), light praise, a lil body worship, jk fat cawk, brief nipple play, playful jk, unprotected sex, riding and missionary, the jk hand kink, I love you kink, jk wants nudes, jk’s cheerleader fantasies mentioned, spit kink, light choking, jk has like a scent kink (?), mention of collars and pet play misc app developer jk becomes even MORE app developer-y, oc is anti-google, there's plot, a 2 year anniversary, Solange knowles appreciation, BLOND JK!!!, gets sappy for a sec, seahorse marriage mention, doyeon x joon side pairing, jk is disgustingly dreamy and oc is threatened by that fact word count 10.7k posted march 23, 2021

— CRUNCHYROLL & RAIL.

summary Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. warnings smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… misc fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality word count 8.7k posted may 21, 2021

—FUNIMATION & PROCREATION.

summary Never mind your upcoming wedding, this was perhaps the greatest moment of your life— the day Jungkook sought out an anime on his own. warnings kissing, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, cum eating, mentions of anal, doggy style, unprotected sex with the intention of pregnancy, spitting, hand holding<3 misc the wedding night, Doyeon strikes again, jjk watches jjk, oh no not twins word count 9.1k posted july 31, 2021

—BOOMERANG AND BANG.

coming soon

—COOKIES & CREAM.

summary Jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy Christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (And maybe having his dick sucked.) warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, face fucking, cum facials, fingering, overstim, double orgasm, r*mantic sex, riding, unprotected, cream pies, jk does this weird thing where he licks her face yeah idk, jk loves seeing his gf cry, jk has an obsession with jizz misc jk pov !!, eggnog slander, jk hates xmas movies, oc dresses like a sexy mrs claus, Elf !!, jk is in loooove word count 7.1k posted december 23, 2020

— TUTUS & TIARAS.

summary your first pregnancy through the lens of your husband warnings smut in the forms of penetrative sex, sex while pregnant, unprotected sex, tit play, cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, sticking the tip in and jacking off/cockwarming?, creampies, nose kink (? like she grinds against his nose), infatuation with scent, frottage/grinding, lactation kink, titluvr jk [bass boosted] misc married ncouple <3, domesticity, jk pov, mood swings, pregnancy, GIRLDAD!JK, DILF!JK, pregnant!reader, jk’s kids are virgos its true word count 10k posted august 23, 2021

— one.

summary Maybe Jungkook wasn’t always as cool and composed as you initially believed. But that’s okay, because you love him all the same. word count 1.3k posted September 10, 2020

—two.

summary Even after all these years, all these doubts, and all this solitude that was really no one’s fault but his own, he still finds himself hoping that maybe you’ll be the one. word count 1k posted september 11, 2020

—three.

summary But Jungkook loves the sun. word count 1.5k posted september 12th, 2020

—four.

summary For the last ten minutes or so his mind has been bothered by one thing and one thing only— the hair that hung in his face. word count 800 words posted september 22, 2020

—five.

summary Startled and inexperienced, he can’t do anything but rub his hands over your back. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he murmurs, even though it’s not. word count 1.3k posted september 22, 2020

—six.

SUMMARY Jungkook enjoyed pushing you down, indulging you in all your little fantasies, but he too had some he wanted to live out. WC 1.8k POSTED september 25, 2020

—seven.

summary And lastly, Jungkook will bring it full circle by indulging you two in some good old fashion spooky sex where he nuts inside you because the only thing scarier than a scary movie is a pregnancy scare. It’s a perfect plan. word count 2k posted october 30, 2020

—eight.

summary You always do this— always ask for more. You take and you take until there’s nothing left for Jungkook to give. But Jungkook is the same. word count 1.9k posted december 28, 2020

—nine.

summary “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?” word count 2.2k posted january 8 2021

—ten.

summary See, there’s no one in this world who ignores his house rules more than you. Even worse, there’s no one on this planet who can make Jungkook ignore his own rules like you do. word count 1.4k posted february 14, 2021

—eleven.

summary You’re too bright, too… there. His shell is too small. word count 1.2k posted may 3, 2021

—twelve.

summary Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. word count 1.4k posted may 8th, 2021

—thirteen.

summary Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today. word count 1k posted june 13, 2021

—fourteen.

summary Jungkook needs you to know that you can always count on him. word count 1.3k posted july 6, 2021

—fifteen.

summary It’s Jungkook’s teenage fantasy— being pushed down by a cheerleader. word count 3.1k posted august 9, 2021

— sixteen.

summary Your skin is warm and smells like sunshine. Jungkook can’t really explain it. (And also like the sunscreen you had doused him in earlier, but that isn’t as romantic.) word count 1.9K posted august 11, 2021

—seventeen.

summary She looks his way and suddenly Jungkook is nineteen again, in his dorm, listening to the first person he ever thought he loved telling him he’s too much to handle. word count 1.6k posted august 18, 2021

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cute and cozy gif by the lovely @ladyartemesia

LASTLY:

#jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk smut #jungkook fic #jeon jungkook fic #ncml #mine

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moccahobi · 2 years

Text

Hands, Hands, and More Hands

Summary: Taehyung runs an ASMR channel that he wants to keep secret. He plans on telling his boyfriend and friends soon... Someday. He’s most definetly going to share. He’s nervous about it though. After a few bad experiences in the past he's found it harder to share his love for ASMR. When a flier about his channel is posted on the community board of his building (a big place of gossip) though, he's forced to share... Or keep quiet.

Prompt: This is part of @bangtanwritingbingo for my prompt “hair brushing”!

Word Count: 4.8k

Pairing: Taehyung (BTS) x Hoseok (BTS)

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: allusions to anxiety attacks and anxiety, insecurity

Ratings: teen up

Authors Note: thank you to the lovely @btsmosphere for betaing this! I greatly appreciated all of her help!!!! 💜💜💜

Warmth enveloped Taehyung, his blanket and Hoseok's warm body resting against his own and wrapping him in a blanket of content that he longed to stay in forever. The room was cold and urged Taehyung quietly to never leave bed where he was wrapped in warmth with nothing but the soft sounds of the apartment building and Hoseok filling his mind. It was the perfect combination.

Hoseok was resting against Taehyung’s chest, listening to his heart beat slowly and steadily. Taehyung ran his fingers through Hoseok's hair and scratched his scalp gently, savoring the melody of content hums Hoseok was making. Hoseok’s many sounds was Taehyung’s favorite music and he wished he could listen to it on repeat. Hoseok’s hair was soft and smelled slightly of mint from when he showered the night before.

It was a soothing Sunday morning, the two of them tangled together in bed after a cozy breakfast date (in Hoseok's kitchen), their bellies full from the wonderful food they are and hearts full from smiles and laughter the two shared.

Sunday morning dates had become a tradition shortly after they started dating, the two spending the four hours before Hoseok’s shift together in the quiet comfort of Hoseok’s apartment. Originally they had the morning dates in Hoseok’s apartment because Taehyung’s ex-roommate, Sungmin, would spend the morning playing video games loudly and often refused to clean up their main living space no matter how much Taehyung asked. Lucky for the couple, Hoseok’s roommate, Yoongi, worked mornings on the weekends and was a neat freak. Sungmin has since moved out though so in theory they could have the dates at Taehyung’s apartment, but neither suggested the change, Hoseok’s kitchen and bed a welcome tradition for the two.

Taehyung might even say that Sunday morning dates were his favorite tradition. They were at the very least, a consistent highlight of his week that encouraged him to continue his long and tiresome work days.

"I wish I didn't have to go to work. I could lay here forever." Hoseok said, snuggling against Taehyung and sighing deeply.

"I know… It'd be nice to stay here all day… in theory." Hoseok groaned and Taehyung laughed loudly before continuing, "But we just ate. Soon we'll have to pee. Plus--"

"While the bed is nice our backs will hurt after another hour, I know. I know. A guy can wish though. Besides, you have stuff to do later today, right?"

Taehyung nodded and nibbled his lip, Hoseok’s reminder of his plans to film later today left Taehyung feeling uncomfortably hot, his gut twisting with nerves. Maybe he could tell Hoseok today… It wasn't like ASMR was something he was ashamed of. Taehyung enjoyed making it and Hoseok would enjoy it in part because of how much Taehyung enjoyed it. Hoseok was pure sunshine, of course he would be ok with Taehyung filming ASMR. Even if some people may have left Taehyung with a bitter taste in Taehyung’s mouth about sharing, if anyone would be understanding, it would be Hoseok.

"I do…"

"Hey, Taehyung-ah. I know you're deep in thought about whatever you're working on, but don't stop rubbing my head!"

Taehyung laughed and nodded, ignoring his anxiety and returning to rubbing Hoseok’s head… they were still a new couple… six months… That wasn't a lot of time. He only told his ex-roommate after a year of living together… though that ended poorly.

Besides, Hoseok was planning on moving in together once Hoseok's and Yoongi’s lease was up in a few months (Yoongi was already looking for another place to move into). Taehyung had time and Hoseok seemed to be ok with waiting until Taehyung was comfortable. He had time.

He had all the time in the world.

Taehyung didn't have time.

He had next to no time in the world.

He went to check the apartment’s community board out of habit on his way back from getting groceries. The apartment building was a big community full of small events people hosted (Taehyung’s favorite was the book club with Miyeon ajussi and the weekly dinners that Seokjin hyung threw). Taehyung also saw a lot of small news clippings sometimes. Every time Taehyung checked the board there were at least five proud parents posting about their kids doing well in school or getting married or getting promotions. People liked to put up the achievements of themselves and their families and Taehyung loved to see it.

This time though, when he checked the community board, he was met with the community board staring down at him mockingly as if it won something. Pinned between the various fliers for parent breakfasts and local events was a poorly made flier that laughed at Taehyung.

“A famous YouTuber lives on this floor: BearASMR”

One of his thumbnails displaying his hands resting on a wooden cutting board was on the flier as well.

Taehyung felt like he stopped breathing as his stomach was clawed at his throat with anxiety. No one in the apartment building knew about this and he didn’t put this up.

Taehyung’s mouth felt dry as his heart beat rushed in his ears.

This couldn't be real.

This had to be some game.

Who the hell would even make this sort of flier?

This couldn’t be real.

He looked around slowly to see if anyone was watching him or going near the board. The hall was empty. No one was around.

This was real and the flier mocked Taehyung with just how real it was. .

How was this even possible?

Who did?

Taehyung hadn't told anyone who was on this floor anymore… he rarely showed his interests in general unless his friends brought them up first… No one knew.

Not his friends. Not Hoseok.

He sighed, a headache was forming and in the matter of seconds, his whole body felt like complete and utter shit. He readjusted his grip on his groceries before returning to his apartment. This wasn't what he wanted for his Tuesday.

All he wanted was a simple Tuesday afternoon after working an exhausting morning shift full of students poorly playing trumpets and saxophones.

Now he had to try to calm down before even trying to do anything. Today was going to be a long day.

Besides, he wasn't even that famous… he has a good 25k followers… but he was nowhere near famous. He didn't make tons of money and he barely got any sponsorships. It was more so a passion project.

What was worse was that he didn't know why he was so shy about ASMR either. He had so many interests and enjoyed sharing some with his friends, but ASMR and some of the stuff he explored on his channel made him shy and self conscious. The want to hide his channel only grew after Sungmin kept insulting ASMR shortly before he moved. All of his insecurities around sharing were magnified tenfold after that.

He sighed.

The aftermath of this wasn’t something he wasn’t looking forward to.

If he was lucky no one would talk about it… but knowing his apartment building, that wouldn’t be the case. Information people posted on that board spread like wildfire through the apartment building and if it was interesting enough information, Taehyung knew that it would be the main talk when people got together.

Last year, when Choi Jihyo graduated top of his class at SNU and landed a nice job at a law firm, everyone was talking about the many ways that Jihyo managed to and each time Taehyung heard the story, it got more and more elaborate and unlikely.

Taehyung shuddered at the thought of something similar happening to him and his channel. Would he get 200 million subscribers at some point? Would they warp what ASMR is?

He didn’t know and that made him more scared.

Maybe he should lay back on attending stuff the apartment did together. Miyeon ajuma's book club would undoubtedly talk about it (even if Taehyung doubted that they knew what ASMR was or even what YouTube was)... The weekly dinners with Seokjin hyung and would also likely be full of talk about the channel… How long would it be before they knew it was Taehyung?

He hid his face some in his ASMR but his friends knew what he looked like… what clothes he wore… what his voice sounded like. His friends knew him.

They'd likely find out.

Would they tell everyone else in the apartment?

He sighed and shook his head.

Not going may be even more suspicious.

Ok, maybe that was a lie.

Taehyung sighed, quickly drinking the rest of his tea and wincing as it burnt his mouth. He probably shouldn’t have done that but his nerves were running rampant as he watched his friends discuss the channel while cooking. Their faces alight with excitement and curiosity as they talked and talked, each word making the tension in his stomach grow tenfold. If it wasn’t that Seokjin seemed so bummed at the idea of Taehyung being unable to attend, he wouldn’t have come but Taehyung didn’t want to see Seokjin sad. Taehyung couldn’t say no to one of his favorite hyungs which was why he was stuck watching Jungkook, Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jimin cook Chuncheon dakgalbi.

He was so uncomfortable, unable to sit comfortably in Seokjin’s luxury bar stools. It felt like small bugs were crawling under his skin, his whole body itchy and achy from this whole situation (and work), and he didn't doubt that some of them had realized that.

According to Hoseok (who always seemed to know what he was thinking), Taehyung was an open book (i.e. shit at hiding his emotions).

It would be strange if they’ve watched multiple videos, right?

Surely, they’ve likely only watched one or two videos.

"I looked it up! It's a cool ASMR! And the person’s hands are so good looking! Like I could stare at them for hours! And I kind of have." Jungkook was talking and laughing excitedly as he chopped up sweet potatoes for a side he convinced Seokjin would be perfect for Chuncheon dakgalbi.

"You'll have to send me the link! I’ve not seen any of the videos but if you liked it, I am sure I will!" Namjoon said from where he was delegated to sit.

Like Taehyung, he wasn’t allowed into the kitchen. Taehyung was banned after a few too many mishaps with over-cooking and burning food that led to them needing takeout (which was arguably better sometimes when one didn’t have to spend an hour trying to remove charred food from pans after). Namjoon on the other hand was banned after his first time in the kitchen. The man has a knack for breaking things and that didn’t go away in the kitchen. Seokjin let the knife incident go because it was Namjoon’s first time using one. How it had taken Namjoon 26 years to finally use a knife, Taehyung didn’t know. That being said, after Namjoon managed to break a drwar, he was banned.

Taehyung longed to be in the kitchen right now or at the very least have something to do while others cooked away, then maybe he wouldn't look as suspicious. Instead, he was forced to sit and watch. Breathing was hard and with nothing to fiddle with or distract him, he was struggling to breath as he squirmed away.

"I'm really curious who it is though. They look young so it's definitely not Jihoon ahjussi." Jungkook laughed, "Maybe I could see Jisoo noona or Nayeon noona! They both seem like they'd be into it. Although the hands look pretty large… I don’t know what Jisoo noona and Nayeon noona’s hands look like."

“You keep bringing up this person’s hands.” Seokjin said with a large smile, his laughter high pitched and squeaky.

“BearASMR has REALLY good looking hands! Like I am mesmerized by them! Saw some of their videos where they played with wigs and their hands were as big as the head of one of the mannequins! Like imagine how soothing it’d be to have your hair played with by such large hands!”

“Something tells me Jungkook likes hands a lot.” Yoongi laughed.

“Can you blame me? Hands are nice!”

Taehyung shrugged and started picking at his nail beds. Those were his hands that Jungkook was talking about. Would he recognize Taehyung’s hands tonight?

God. He hoped not.

It wasn’t like Jungkook would look at people’s hands much… right?

His mouth felt dry like the one time he tried to make bread and managed to make a brick instead. He felt like a brick of bread.

Taehyung didn't want to have this conversation. Maybe Seokjin’s upset would’ve been worth not coming today. Surely he could make up a lie about being sick or tired and get in Seokjin’s good grace… maybe even get some soup as well.

Hoseok waddled over, offering a bit of chopped, vibrant green onion to Taehyung.

"You tired, love?"

Taehyung hummed, savoring the sweet green onion as it burst in his mouth as he thought up a lie. The savory and sour flavor of onion did well to hide the bitter taste of bile that rose in his mouth as he lied, "Yeah. Work was tiring today."

Hoseok nodded, "I can imagine. With the new academic year you tend to get more students, right?"

Taehyung nodded. Hoseok knew his work schedule so well. If they didn’t spend most of their time together, it might have been a shock to Taehyung. Taehyung knew Hoseok’s schedule at this point as well, though. He didn’t work today but this week in general is sales heavy for the store he’s working at. Today was likely spent staring at a wall and dreading having to redo a back to school tutors pamphlet for the 100th time.

Both of them worked in school adjacent jobs so it made sense that they had similar busy seasons. Just as parents were wanting to sign up their kids for tutors and extra curriculars, parents were coming to Taehyung to try to get their kids to learn brass instruments. It’d get busier when recitals and auditions started to come up and then he’d be more tired. Honestly, today was just hard socially with meeting new students, it wasn’t a rough enough day for him to be drained.

Luckily Hoseok didn't push the situation more, instead turning back to helping with cooking. Taehyung was left somewhat alone again, the kitchen bustling with people and as the conversation of the ASMR YouTuber sadly continued. Maybe Taehyung should ask for another drink so he wasn’t sitting awkwardly, waiting for the conversation to drag on and end.

As they started to work on putting the Chuncheon dakgalbi together for cooking though, the gossip died down and was replaced with people (mostly Seokjin and Jungkook) bickering about who does what and Jungkook’s new found obsession with hands. Watching from his chair, he felt comforted in the fact that the gossip seemed to die down quickly.

Now that Taehyung thought about it more, apartment gossip tends to die down quickly. People would likely talk about it for a few days and then let it go when new gossip came out. Taehyung just had to lie low for a little and then it'll go away.

Riding the waves was something he loved doing when he visited the beach, he could do it here… metaphorically.

He sighed, his shoulders feeling lighter with relief as Namjoon started to strike up a conversation about the latest plant trends he’s been seeing.

As BearASMR faded from the conversation, Taehyung felt like a large shadow had just passed and he could see the group dinner clearly once again.

BearASMR will soon fade and no one will remember. Not even those who watched a video or two (or Jungkook who might have seen 10 just to look at Taehyung’s hands).

It’ll go away soon.

It didn't go away.

Jungkook subscribed.

Namjoon subscribed.

The notifications laughed at Taehyung just as much as the damn flier (which was still up on the community board). It left like the subscription notifications and the flier were in cahoots, planning Taehyung’s downfall.

Thankfully, neither of them asked Taehyung if he was BearASMR. In fact, aside from Jungkook’s initial tangents about who might run it, it didn’t even seem like they cared about finding out who ran BearASMR, which was a deep relief.

Anxiety pooled in his stomach, thrashing around like a growing whirlpool as he watched the two compare their favorite videos during another group dinner. Each excited laugh punctured Taehyung’s mind and made him feel more and more overwhelmed. His clothes became tighter and tighter as they laughed and kept talking, his ears too sensitive, his mind too loud, it was all becoming a lot.

He tried to focus on the conversation Hoseok, Jimin, Seokjin, and Yoongi were having about work. It seemed to be about the latest drama at Seokjin’s office job, the people there seemed to have a propensity for drama and Taehyung occasionally enjoyed hearing about them. Seokjin’s coworkers were chaos embodied and Taehyung was surprised the place was still standing with all that went down at their office.

Taehyung sighed, not feeling the conversation in the slightest. He was sick with stress and worry. Maybe if he had the confidence to tell them that BearASMR was his channel, he would have asked Namjoon and Jungkook about their favorite sounds or talked about the strange situations he’s seen and heard about in the ASMR world.

But no.

He was too stressed.

Did they know that Taehyung ran the account? Had they pieced it together from the flashes of Taehyung’s face that weren’t cut out of his videos? How many videos did it take for them to realize that it was Taehyung? Were they not saying anything out of courtesy? His nerves were haywire and he felt like his world was slowly closing in on itself the longer he was left to his own thoughts.

"Oh! Taehyung-ah! You'll never guess who I saw moving into Hyunjin's apartment!" Jimin shouted, causing Taehyung to jump nervously, his stomach turning and twisting uncomfortably.

"Who?"

"Sungmin."

It was like everything came together as red started to wash over Taehyung’s mind. His heartbeat picked up, his stomach a raging whirlpool of nerves and now anger as the pieces started to be pieces together slowly.

Of course.

Sungmin knew about his ASMR channel. Sungmin even watched a few videos with an unreadable face when Taehyung nervously shared. Taehyung had thought it’d bring the two closer together but for some reason, Sungmin became closed off and rude after, rarely giving Taehyung quiet time to record and even making many snide and downright rude comments about his hobby. Hell! Sungmin even broke the contract early because of their fall out. Taehyung’s friends didn’t like Sungmin from the beginning (they had many choice words about Sungmin), but Taehyung hadn’t realized how rude Sungmin was until the last few months of living together …

The flier was posted recently.

Anger started to overpower Taehyung’s anxiety.

"What the fuck?"

His lungs felt tiny as he tried to grasp for air. It was as if anger had filled some of the avoli that would otherwise hold air. "Damn hyung! Didn't expect you to cuss about it!" Jungkook laughed.

This wasn’t funny to Taehyng in the slightest and his anger grew as he looked at Jungkook awkwardly laugh more.

"I can't believe it!" Taehyung huffed, "I bet he's the one who posted that flier."

“He is an asshole but that might be a bit rude. Even if he moved in last week, him being an asshole doesn’t mean that he’d post something like that flier. Why would he do that?" Namjoon asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

They didn’t get it. It all fit together so perfectly that it had to be Sungmin. No one else would do this to Taehyung. He was shaking with anger at this point, his mind clouded in red anger and nerves.

"No, hyung. He did it. It's my channel. You all know how much of a fucking asshole he was to me… He knows how self conscious I am about my channel. He’s the only person who I told who lives here. It has to be him. Has to."

"It's your channel?" Jungkook asked, eyes wide, “It makes sense… but I didn’t realize.”

Taehyung froze… he hadn’t meant to share that, especially not in anger. His body went cold as if someone splashed him with a bucket of ice water, his head suddenly ice clear as he looked at all his friends.

They were all looking at him with wide eyes and Taehyung didn’t know how to read any of their expressions. It almost felt like he was back in his apartment, watching anxiously as Sungmin watched his youtube videos.

The air conditioner was too loud, screaming as it pushed chilly air onto Taehyung.

This was too similar to what happened with Sungmin.

Taehyung’s own heartbeat was too loud.

They all were going to hate him because of this.

Just like Sungmin.

His clothes were too tight to his body.

“I… I have to go. I think I left my… my microwave on.” Taehyung stuttered, pushing through vertigo as he got up anxiously and left quickly.

If they called out for him, he couldn’t hear over the sound of his own thoughts and heartbeat. Besides, he didn’t want to hear what they might have to say to him. Rushing to his apartment with shaky hands, he entered his pin code. The door sang loudly as it unlocked.

Taehyung quickly rushed inside.

Damn Taehyung. He should’ve kept quiet for now. This wasn’t how he had wanted to tell them about his ASMR channel. He had hoped to tell Hoseok first and then maybe one or two more and slowly tell everyone… not all at once. Not like this where they could now easily talk shit about him behind his back.

How would Hoseok feel?

It was so stupid for Taehyung to keep this from him… Surely Hoseok was upset. He was likely heartbroken and planning how to break up with Taehyung right now. Taehyung wouldn’t be surprised if he got a text soon from Hoseok that expressed just that. It was understandable that Hoseok would be upset.

This was so stupid to keep from Hoseok. So stupid.

Taehyung would have to talk with them eventually-- if they didn’t cut him off that is. Maybe Taehyung could try to message them in their group chat, just rip the bandaid off.

Fuck.

Taehyung felt sick.

He didn’t want to think about this right now.He couldn’t right now. His phone was too scary, the weight of it too much for Taehyung to hold.

Sighing deeply, he wandered over to his kitchen and grabbed a glass of water before returning to his living room and turning on the TV to a random channel. He needed to shut down. After an hour of staring out his window, a random drama playing on the TV to drown out his own thoughts, he gathered up energy to make some tea.

Sitting around wouldn’t solve anything. If it did, he’d sit around all day and no nothing, but it would be as effective in this situation as an empty hamster wheel is for generating power.

Tea and a piece of paper might help though. Maybe he could figure out a game plan and start on it tomorrow (or next week). Another hour passed with his mind empty save for the drama that went in one ear and out the other as Taehyung sipped tea, content with procrastinating on thinking up an action plan.

He was calming down though which was important. His heartbeat was much slower and senses much less stimulated. It was like a breath of fresh air or the calm right after a storm and Taehyung was thankful. Finally he was breathing easily and the churning in his stomach had lessened.

Ding Dong

The doorbell sung, tearing Taehyung from his thoughts.

Who would be at his door?

Anxiety started brewing in Taehyung’s stomach once again as he slowly walked to the door. This couldn’t be good. He hadn’t ordered any packaged and the only people who ever rung his doorbell was his friends… who were likely upset at him.

With baited breath, Taehyung looked out the peephole, Hoseok was standing on the other side, his teeth worrying his lower lip as he looked around, actively avoiding looking at the peephole. Hoseok knew Taehyung checked that before ever opening the door. . He was holding Taehyung’s favorite blanket and stuffed animal, his brows furrowed with worry.

Taehyung sighed.

Of course Hoseok was here. He was such a kind person and good boyfriend. Taehyung didn’t deserve such an amazing boyfriend.

He was even considerate enough to not look at the peephole for Taehyung.

Hoseok was too good for him.

“Hyung, hi.” Taehyung mumbled as he slowly opened the door for Hoseok, the two quietly making their way to Taehyung’s living room as tears budded in Taehyung’s eyes and his ears started to ache. He didn’t deserve Hoseok in the slightest.

He wasn’t ready for this situation in the slightest. Hoseok was going to yell at him and break up with him and berate him, and Taehyung deserved all of it.

“How are you feeling, my bear?”

“I am sorry for lying.” Taehyung said, his voice quiet and shaky.

Hoseok cooed, pulling Taehyung into a big hug and tightly wrapping the blanket around Taehyung. Slowly, Hoseok started to gently rock Taehyung back and forth as he hummed quietly.

“Please don’t apologize. I am sure you had your reasons.”

Taehyung nodded, “I-I-I do… They aren’t g-go-good though. I t-t-to-totally understand if you want to break up with me.”

“Enough of that. I am not breaking up with you, I promise. You were nervous to share your ASMR channel with people and that’s valid. Besides, I am sure you would’ve told me eventually.”

“Yeah. I-I was planning to but I k-kept on chickening out. I did- did intend to before we moved in together though.”

Hoseok guided the two to the couch, slowly sitting down on it, guiding Taehyung into his warm lap, and pulling him in closer.

“I am sure you did. I totally understand your anxiety and so does everyone else. No one is upset that you didn’t share your channel with us. I promise.”

It was like a weight was lifted off of Taehyung’s shoulders, even though he was skeptical of Hoseok’s statement. It was a shock and Taehyung didn’t know how to take it.

Taehyung looked up at Hoseok, his eyes wide, “Really? No one is mad? I would understand if they were.”

“No one. I would have loved to have found this out from you another way, as I am sure others would have loved to share this in a different way, but no one is mad that you didn’t share.”

“Thank you.” Taehyung nuzzled into Hoseok.

He was tired and his brain felt like a foggy mess. This whole situation stressed him out so much and finally having people know was like a breath of fresh air. Even before the flier was posted, Taehyung felt tired constantly from hiding this, his channel hung over him and even if he wanted to talk about it with people, he couldn’t.

Distantly, he felt Hoseok rubbing Taehyung’s back, a soothing comfort washing over Taehyung as he drifted into sleep.

Everything was going to be alright.

Taehyung took a deep breath, relaxing slowly as he readjusted his array of ASMR tools.

Everything was going to go alright.

This was going to go perfectly.

“You sure you’re up for this, hyung?” He asked, looking over at Hoseok who was resting on a comfortable stool, his bareback facing Taehyung. Hoseok’s posture was the best Taehyung had ever seen it be and his muscles looked nicely defined as he ever so slightly flexed. It wouldn’t last the whole recording but Taehyung was heartened by the effort Hoseok put in to trying to look proper for the video.

“Of course I am! I am excited to be in a video with you.”

“I am glad. Are you nervous for your ASMR debut?”

Hoseok laughed, shaking his head vehemently, “Are you kidding me? All I have to do is sit here and let you play with my hair and rub my back for an hour? I'm so hype!”

Taehyung laughed, elated at Hoseok’s excitement, “Alright then. Be as quiet as possible,” He adjusted the microphones and looked over the camera one more time, “We will start soon.”

“I am so ready!”

With a sure nod, Taehyung turned on the camera, waited a few seconds and waved at the camera, making sure his fingers rubbed against each other softly for a few minutes. Then he grabbed a matchbox, shaking it gently for a little before lighting it, taking time to let it hiss near a mic before lighting the candle. Gently, Taehyung set it down next to a few brushes and back scratchers.

Now the real fun began.

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