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dimonds456 · 11 months

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its disability pride month and i'm going through it. vent. check the tags on this one.

sorry there's been so many of these recently, I'm really, really trying not to be this negative, but... man.

something out there wants me dead. bad.

first it was water. then it was depression. then it was anxiety. then it was trauma. then it was graves disease. then it was trauma. then it was adhd. then it was summer in general. then it was maybe autism. then it was trauma. then it was nervous system failure. and now it's an eating disorder.

like not all of those are life-or-death (though adhd can feel like that sometimes lmao) but i've had so many fucking brushes with death that i'm not even afraid of it anymore, i'm just fucking frustrated.

i feel like Mugman from Casino Cups, honestly. "Death is so sudden, it could happen at any moment... everything could end at any moment... and I wouldn't even realize it...

[...]

"I've moved on, I'm not mourning, it's a part of life, but... the unpredictability of it... it's... it's not even SCARY, it's more INFURIATING!! One day, I'll disappear, and... never see where we'll go... never do anything I could have done! I HATE being at its mercy..."

the only difference is that he's died and come back 527 times. i will only die once and then that'll be that.

i've always had a weird fascination with death. maybe it was getting diagnosed with graves disease in middle school that started it (seriously who the FUCK picked "GRAVES" as the name for a disease, did they WANT to freak people out??), maybe it was the realization I'd have it for the rest of my life and now I would have to take pills forever, or maybe it was that first time I almost drowned in elementary school, or the other six times after that. I really don't know.

but i've made it. somehow, some way, i'm still here.

y'know, i wrote an entire ode to death and recorded audio of me reading it. i wanted to put it on youtube but i havent found time to make a video for it. maybe one day. that ode means a lot to me.

i don't know.

the only thing i know is that I want to make the best of the time i've got, which isn't a lot. i don't know how much time i have, but it's less than 20 years i can tell you that right now. if i reach my 40th birthday i will eat both of my shoes AND my hat. i don't mean that in an "i am depressed" way i mean that in a "death and i have a rehearsal at least twice a year and brother i do not know how to dance" way.

i try so, so hard not to be negative online. i really do. i don't want people to remember me as the one who only ever complained, or the one who got angry at everything, or the anxious one who never said anything original or worthwhile, or the one who only ever talked about politics. i want to be a good memory. it's the quote i live by. i want my memory to be a good one.

and i'm failing.

you, right now, reading this. i'm failing you. and i'm sorry. i just... don't know what else to do.

i've realized now that the reason i've been so bent out of shape as of late is because i will never feel safe. even if i moved to the kindest community in the world, even if all the world's political shit got fixed overnight, even if my anxiety and depression suddenly vanished... i can never feel safe because i live in this body. this long-suffering vessel that always, always has something life-threateningly wrong with it.

this eating disorder i have now is only the latest in a long line of shit. each new threat just gets more and more dire. i'm terrified to find out what the next one is. i almost wanna bet money on appendicitis or something but i also don't wanna jinx it, ha.

i'm sorry.

"Someday we will all just be a memory for some people. I just want that memory to be a good one." - Camila Cuevas (Glitchtale, 2017)

i'll keep trying. i'm going to pass with a smile on my face. that WILL be the last thing i do. i promise.

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totaldramafan-lauri · 11 months

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It’s hard to believe that.....i-it’s coming up on one year since I met you.....

And.....it hurts to think of how.....at the time, I had thought that....we clicked right away....I-I really believed that I’d found a new, strong bond that would last a long time.....I’d found people that were on the same page as me, that I could talk to, have long conversations with, and simp together with....

In such a short time, I got attached.....I looked up to you guys....You inspired me to keep writing.....More than one of my fics wouldn’t exist without you.....You all helped me....feel....c-confident....in my writing.....so much that I kept doing it.....And I can’t thank you enough, for being the reason that I can go back and read the fics I wrote, that I.....feel.....g-genuinely proud of......

We had so many fun times, simping, trading ideas, rambling about our OCs and OC x Canon ships without being embarrassed.....m-making things together.....even just hanging out.....

To think that I’d be here a year later, by myself again.....

With so much to say, yet....not being able to.....

I felt so comfy around you......I felt accepted.....and that was wrong of me.....

I didn’t know what I was and wasn’t allowed to do, and....I-I really have no excuse for that.....I-I did things that other friend groups let me get away with, and....got too negative.....I-I got too into venting about fandom stuff I didn’t like.....I can’t even be mad that my words were misinterpreted as attacks, cuz I shouldn’t have said them in the first place....I could go on and on about things I should’ve known, or should’ve done, yadda yadda, but.....n-no matter what, it’s all over. It’s done. And.....lessons were learned.

September through the first half of December last year were the most miserable I’d ever been in years. Not only due to the guilt, and emotional trauma, but also.....being scared of myself. Of saying anything.....literally anything that could be negative at all....

But, again, lessons were learned. Misery builds character, and.....And now, I feel like I’m a better person after having gone through that. I know more about what not to do, and I’ve been avoiding it all since then.

Everything’s fine now, but.....

I-it still hurts.....it still feels like a part of me hasn’t moved on.

Cuz.....I know, that the talk I was promised, will probably never happen. I....w-was probably lied to. And that’s fine, cuz you never owed me anything.....I-I’ll never truly know just how hurt you were......I would never try to initiate that kinda thing with you. It’s your choice whether or not to contact me.

I-I just....REALLY wanted to talk.....an actual talk....a calm, rational talk......for us all to explain ourselves.....and for me to give an actual level-headed apology straight to you all. And....e-even if I wasn’t forgiven, at least I would’ve tried to lay out the facts.....That I never wanted to hurt anyone. I wanted to be believed, that’s all.....

What if I’d been given that chance? What if we’d tried to talk things out....? I’ll never know....

I can’t contact the two of you I looked up to the most, and that stings....Knowing I’ll never be able to make nice with you.....but, I hope wherever you are, that good things come your way, because you’re both such nice people and such talented writers.....

To the one who recently gave me kudos: You cannot imagine how happy that made me! Like, seriously! To see that, even if you don’t wanna talk, that you’re still around......and you don’t hate me enough to not let me know that.....Ugh, I was so happy that day....

I-I’m sorry I’m rambling, but.....y’know, that’s nothing new with me...My point is....

Thank you. Thank you all....I-I know we didn’t know each other for that long, but you really made me happy while I was there.....thank you for inspiring me, and thank you for the lessons you taught me. And, while I wish I could talk to you still, the memories we shared and the gifts you gave to me are still enough. I’m so, so, so sorry about everything I did that annoyed you....and I hope your lives are better without me. ^^

#lauri talks to herself

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the-fandom-abyss · 1 year

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i feel the same big feelings when i’m little in the same way i would as if i were big and i think i’ve realised- recently this year some of the people who i would be safe to regress around have distanced themselves from me - essentially hurting me (they were kinda important to my regression) and no matter how many times i’ve told them etc nothing changes and yet i get to see them being happy (which i enjoy seeing my friends happy even if they’ve hurt me. i care more about others then myself lol). anyway anytime i see anything regression related it just makes me feel so ‘ugh’ and idk it’s almost like disgusted. but i’m only feeling the disgust towards myself and my own regression. i don’t feel that way in general about regression if that makes sense

it’s like maybe this chapter of my life is over? or maybe i’m so deep in pain and just mentally so not good that i’m trying to throw away all my healthy coping mechanisms and just reach for the safety of my old unhealthy ones bc it’s like this type of comfort for me.

idk if my last ask went through bc tumblr glitched out on me last time. but i really appreciate you listening to me and letting me be here and vent. i’m just so tired. i’m close to just deleting everything and isolating bc everything is too much all of the time. it’s a lot of pain and i’m not strong enough to deal with it

Don’t you just wish your little self could help you with some epiphanies? Like use that little genius brain to help the silly big brain to sort out its problems.

I’m so sorry to hear that some of the people you would call close have been pulling away from you. Have they explained why they have been distancing themselves? I think it’s a little unfair for them to leave without an explanation, because of its due to something, you could have talked it through and worked on making it better.

It’s like your mind is trying to push that part of you away, so the best way is to dislike it. I can see where you’re coming from, wanting to continue the unhealthy mechanisms instead of the healthy. And your negative thoughts are clouding and morphing what you used to see as healthy.

If you delete, how would I get to talk to the amazing anon? I’m not going to lie, I was waiting for your reply. I kept checking my notifications for your response and then was so excited when I saw it this morning!!

I think you are more than strong enough to deal with it all, you’ve made it this far! I know that one person saying this doesn’t really shift the emotions but at least you know you have someone in your corner, ready to fight for you and fight with you.

#tired and clingy?#that sounds like a perfect combination #foooooooor cuddles!!#and I am open for cuddles 24/7 #🦦 anon

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whateverlandia · 2 years

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not sure what to use this for yet, have had a few ideas to sit down and start but not acted on them. a new phase. still just venting? i'm so interested in something less overwhelmed and burnt out, and down. maybe I should do this if only to be better in touch with and organized within myself, though.

i think i can tell from just sitting here that this is where i need to be atm

yeah it's nice to try to hyperfocus on and plow through the active learning and the growth, but i'm pretty convinced that i'm still backed up and am going to need weeks or months to really adequately process everything in my head lately

i think i'm doing really well, all things considered. there is so much that i'm extremely happy about and grateful for, with knowledge and my sense of the relevance of it and my capacity for personal growth

it causes me to be around stuff relating to arielle, though, and i think that keeps predisposing me to some murky waters, although they'd be murky right now anyway. just wanted to sort and define some of these attitudes and concerns preoccupying me recently. i want to be so effective, but there is a lot to be down about in how i was treated and what i lost, as well as what mistakes i made that contributed to the way things went.

and at the same time i want to be on the other side of things, happy about what all of this means for my growth and my confidence and ability in future relationships

i think there's just a lot of me that remains as shocked as it is hurt by the way that person experienced and decided and continues to decide to handle me. and this while greatly coming to better understand it all through the various lenses of cptsd/dismissive/anxious attachment and honestly some of her own imparted information about herself that took place only days prior to us exiting the 'friend' zone - the lived experience of never having been a priority to anyone, ever, and the active resistance to being made one by others. the somewhat difficultly offered up (is that what i heard in your voice) admission of scar tissue covering a wound and the preference to avoid torture by way of hope - to say nothing of further vulnerability

it's a crushing feeling to have been categorically dismissed and on top of that mocked for my striving for better understanding of myself and her. to have felt disdain, resentment, rejection of the fruits of my labor, and the honest doorways to our next best selves, and our very real potential for a next best us. gasping for air i was.

it's a very hurt feeling, to be treated like that. it felt like, and feels like, a betrayal of an unspoken loyalty between us. some heartfelt commitment and sincerity to the other. some part-time fantasy at best for us, historically. if that.

i've been a fool again in love. i hope i don't have too much absorption, processing and feeling sorry for myself to do, from here. it's been an interesting and involved year as it is. who knows what the timelines of anything are, now.

i have to say it feels really good to be back here, taking care of myself, creating space for myself, with myself - getting out of my head and the one way all day information and distraction binge.

letting out some of that pressure. creating a place where it's okay to feel the way you do. and to talk about it.

i am so thankful to the universe for what abilities i do have to continue doing my best to 'work out my own salvation, with fear and trembling'

i am very happy to see myself already from here feeling such a strong grip around the right macro frameworks to house and filter my experiences through.

it's all so precious. to think, how she and i each had come to take for granted, that space we had so long lived without, and then had, and relaxed from life within.

a moment's respite, I should only continue very much in treasuring it

i don't want the negativity in my heart, from anything else

why choose it

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

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Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!!

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist Masterlist

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Breathe in

Breathe out

Out

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over.

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit.

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad.

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak.

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse.

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable.

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved.

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through.

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise.

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself.

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you.

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks.

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them.

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen.

Your emotions came and went without your consent.

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!”

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again.

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night.

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words.

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid.

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?”

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.”

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.”

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

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teyvattherapist · 3 years

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Sex is great and all but I really just want a hug, to feel loved and happy, something I don't really have. I feel so stressed and useless, empty and that I'm just not enough. I can't work or do anything because of the way I feel, even though I want to. I just want someone to be there for me who I can finally open up to and will listen, be there for me, even if I don't want to talk, holding me in their arms where I can just let go and cry. Being told that I am loved and enough.

Could I perhaps request the reactions of Dainsleif and Gorou to their s/o saying that?

a/n: I hope you enjoy this! <3 sorry my banner sizes are weird</3

tags: gn!readerxDainsleif, gn!readerxGorou, Inazuma spoilers, hurt/comfort, some strong dudes bein soft beans, not proofread o/

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You finally finished venting your frustrations to the tree at Windrise, taking a deep breath. It didn’t fix the problems, but it did make you feel immensely better to get your thoughts out into the world. Though you couldn’t help the bitter chuckle as you looked up at the old tree, lit up by the fireflies and crystalflies. “I’m talking to a tree of all things.” You rub your face as you lean back on your legs, eyes gazing up the massive tree.

“I do wish you’d come to me when you were feeling this way.”

“Barbatos! Dainsleif?!” You pressed a hand to your chest as the blond rounded the trunk of the tree, a frown on his face, whether from your previous words or the instinctive shout of Barbatos’ name, who knows. “What are you doing here?” You quickly stood, brushing off your pants as he drew closer. His cape blew in the gentle wind and the tree rustled around you, if he were a stranger, he’d be far more intimidating.

Dainsleif held a hand out and you took it, only for him to pull you closer to him. “You’ve been distant lately, I was merely checking up on you.” You raised an eyebrow at him, and you didn’t have to wait long for him to avert his gaze. “Okay, I followed you because I was worried.” There we go. Dainsleif sighed, bringing his free hand up to your cheek, gently brushing his thumb over your skin.

“I am worried, though. I did not intend to impose, but I did hear everything.” From his words it was your turn to avert your eyes, you hadn’t particularly intended for him to hear that. “I..” Dainsleif seemed at a loss for words in the moment. A rarity for the man who often had something to say about everything. “I’m sorry that I’m not around as much as you may need.” He let go of your hand to wrap his arm around your waist instead.

“It’s fine-”

“Is it?” Dainsleif sighed softly as he moved to properly hug you. Careful of his armour, you rested your head against his shoulder. “You’re the first person I’ve loved in centuries. And I don’t want you to be in this relationship feeling like you have been.” Between his warm grip against the cold wind and his soft voice, you weren’t sure when you had started to cry. “Nothing matters to me as much as making you happy. So long as we are together, it is my purpose.”

And for a few minutes he grew quiet, rubbing your back and rocking you softly in his arms. Dainsleif’s shaky inhale was lost to the wind as he gripped you just a little bit tighter. “Let’s go home. We’ll talk more there, okay?” He released you, quickly turning his head to look around. Despite the quick action, you swore you saw the faintest of glistening on his visible cheek.

Gorou listened as you ranted, pacing his small room at the Resistance camp as you spoke. Once you finished you stopped, letting out a deep breath. The distant sound of rain filled the quiet room as you began to wring your hands. Had you said too much? The man stood, a reassuring smile on his face as he took you into his arms. A loud crack of thunder brought you back to the moment, melting into his grip.

“Look at me, sweetheart.” His teal eyes twinkled as you met his eyes. His ears twitched when someone walked near the door. His eyes flicked to the door, but the person walked by, and he looked back to you. “Sex is great and all, but being in your arms is better anyways.” He teased gently, giving you a squeeze.

Gorou began walking backward towards the bed in the room, gently tugging you along with him. “Gorou, we have work to do first. I was just stressed-” You were cut off by Gorou dragging you down into the rickety old bed with him. Despite being so small, the fox man was strong as he pulled you onto his chest, arms claiming their rightful place around your waist.

“I love you, and I will tell you for the rest of the evening that you’re far from useless.”

“But..”

Gorou shushed you, pressing a kiss to your nose. It was the middle of the night, he could spare some time. More than some. From the closeness and position you could hear his heart beating in his chest. Not too fast, not too slow, but heavy beats as he held you against him, rubbing circles into your back.

“You should have seen Teppei earlier, he fell on his ass in some mud. Absolutely covered.” The general’s words made you smile as you buried your face against his chest. He spoke of the recent meetings with Kokomi, his patrols, his day, just anything to get your head off of the negative feelings you’d been having.

He’d never admit it, but being part canine meant he was far more attuned to your emotions then he let on. Occasionally, Gorou would sprinkle in some praise for you, hiding it within longer rambles so you couldn’t deny his loving words. He was very persistent when he wanted to be. This included and was certainly not limited to his love for you.

#Dainsleif x reader #Gorou x reader #Dainsleif #Gorou #Genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #Lane Writes #Asks #Anonymous

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hoekaashi · 4 years

Text

3 am Talks - hq pt 2

a/n: i hope you enjoy these! they take place some time during the time skip or close to when the six years are up. pairings: oikawa x reader, iwaizumi x reader, mattsun x reader, kuroo x reader, kenma x reader warnings: some spoilers, smoking weed taglist: @babydabi, @suckersuki, @bakugoustanaccount, @animoozies part 1 | part 3

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ c o n s p i r a c y t h e o r i e s ⇾ lots of aliens talk ⇾ will try to convince you that he did in fact, see a UFO once ⇾ but also, will complain about the flat ass comments he constant receives ⇾ spills his secret that not even iwa knows - he dropped a shitton of cash to work out with the Kardashian’s personal trainer in hopes to get a nice juicy bubble butt ⇾ spoiler: it didn’t work ⇾ if he’s in a more serious/softer mood, he would talk more about the mistakes he made in the past in regards to his relationships ⇾ friendships or romantic ⇾ a very vulnerable moment for him where he just let’s everything he’s been holding in out

“I swear! I was seven, I went camping with Iwa-chan and his family!” Oikawa was sitting back on his heels with his right hand up, swearing to you. You rolled your eyes. “What, did the aliens abduct you and perform a surgery? You got a nasty scar on you somewhere?” He narrowed his eyes. “I will prove it. I just need to find the picture for you.” “Right. Wait, have you been working out more?” His expression quickly changed from utter disbelief to a smirk. “I have.” “Well, none of it is helping your ass.” He hung his head in defeat. “All that money wasted. I can’t believe I actually thought the Kardashian’s trainer would be able to help me.” “Babe, they’re all plastic and I think that’s the only thing that will help you at this point.” “Every amazing thing about me is natural. Why would I ruin that by enhancing my features unnaturally?” You shrugged. “At least you have that going for you.” “What do you mean ‘at least’?” he asked with air quotes. “I have you, don’t I?” You didn’t expect him to say something like that. “What?” “If you’ve stuck around this long, I must be doing something right. I know I fucked up in the past, but I’m glad you’re so patient with me. It can’t be easy dating someone who only thinks about volleyball.” You smiled softly as he continued. “I want to apologize to Kageyama properly for the way I treated him. And Iwa-chan too. He always had to deal with my bs and that wasn’t his place as my friend.” “Well, he stuck around you all this time, so you must be doing something right too.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ since california is 16 hours behind, these talks would be in the middle of the day for one of you until a surprise visit happens ⇾ but usually, it would just consist of the two of you catching up ⇾ in person though, he would talk more about how freeing it is to be in a new place, away from everything that was familiar ⇾ how it feels good not to live in anyone's shadow and just start fresh ⇾ (not that he hated being with oikawa, it was just something new for him) ⇾ but also how he doesn’t want to get left behind in the game of life ⇾ how even his new friends *cough* ushiwaka *cough* is going after his dreams

“So how do you like California?” It was 2 am, you just picked up your boyfriend from the airport and you were heading back home. It was a long drive back which gave you plenty of time to talk. “It’s nice. You’re not there, but other than that, I like it.” “Don’t let Oikawa hear that,” you laughed. Iwa slid down his seat a bit and got comfortable. “It feels so freeing. It’s a new start. No one knows me as the ace of Seijoh or as the guy who’s friends with Oikawa. I enjoy people not assuming I’m gay for my best friend.” Even though he was being serious, you couldn’t help but snort at the comment. After all, you had been one of those people too. “It’s like I hit restart and I’m enjoying every minute of it.” “Do you miss anything though? You sound like you’re really enjoying it there.” “Of course I miss things and people. Even though it’s fun, I do miss Shittykawa’s annoying ass and walking in on Makki and Mattsun getting high. Hell, sometimes I miss not being around all the fangirls. But everyone is moving on with their lives, so I can’t stay stuck in the past.” You hummed to let him know you were still listening. “I refuse to get left behind. Even Ushiwaka is going after his own goals.” “Who would’ve thought you would go to a new country, run into him there, and become friends?” Iwa laughed. “Not me, and definitely not Oikawa. He still brings it up, to this day. It’s been two years and he thinks I’ve replaced him.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ high talks ⇾ i feel like he’s not stressed about much that he needs to vent or get something off his chest ⇾ would probably feel free when he’s high - free from being an adult - and would talk about that ⇾ maybe some funny stories from high school ⇾ makes lots of jokes ⇾ but once it hits him, he’ll be talking about deep shit ⇾ talks about life and everyone’s purpose, why we’re here, that sort of shit

“And then Iwa got so annoyed, he just pantsed Oikawa in front of the girl.” You giggled as Mattsun finally got the story right. “So what happened with the girl?” you asked. “I think she died in the spot because she got to see Oikawa in his underwear.” He took another hit of his blunt and blew the smoke out, over his head. “I wonder if he’s enjoying Argentina.” You glanced up at him before turning your attention back to the show neither of you were really watching. “I’m sure he misses you guys.” “I hope he finds his purpose. All that practice to never make it to nationals…” He sighed. “Iwa is studying to be a trainer. Him too. I hope he gets what he wants in life.” “And you?” Mattsun chuckled. “My purpose is to enjoy my time here. There are enough people in the world who are stressing over something or another. I’m here to balance the scale. Can’t have too much stress in the world or the negativity will just take over. That’s me and Makki, we just chilling through life. What's that saying? Que salsa?” “Que sera sera?” “Yeah that one! Oikawa said that to me when we were talking once.” “I’m surprised you remembered it.” “I’m smarter than I appear. I can’t threaten the nerds either. Balancing the scales.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ would range from crackhead ideas to deep conversations ⇾ could go from reciting a funny story about kenma to his insecurities in your relationship real fast ⇾ so kuroo is a scorpio and l i t e r a l l y every scorpio I know absolutely sucks ASS at opening up, doesn’t matter what gender ⇾ a part of his insecurities is that you’re constantly trying to get him to open up more and confide in you, but even after knowing him for as long as you have, he barely does ⇾ and it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s just he doesn’t like to feel that vulnerable with anyone ⇾ there would be a lot of thanking you - for being so patient with him, for dealing with his teasing, for accepting his friends, etc ⇾ he doesn’t strike me as someone who enjoys serious conversations too much so if he felt awkward, he would try to make things more light, cue talks about the latest scientific discoveries

The two of you were calming down from a story Kuroo told you about Kenma that happened recently. “I’m sure deep down, he wishes we never became friends.” “It’s not hidden very deep. He texted me that this morning.” Moving closer to Kuroo, you rested your arms on his chest and placed your chin on top of your hands. One of his hands automatically went to card through your hair. Kuroo’s face softened as he took a moment to stare at you. “I’m sorry.” You stared at him confused. “You’ve been with me for so long. I feel like I know your entire life story and your life stories from your last five lives and here I am, unable to even bring up my childhood and family problems. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.” You shrugged slightly. “I mean, yeah it’s pretty annoying but I’ve just come to…” You bit your tongue. “Come to what?” “Come to not expect anything,” you said with a sigh. That caused Kuroo to sit up, making you sit up as well. “Do you really not expect anything from me now?” “Well, not nothing. More like I’m not expecting you to open up. I’m tired of sounding clingy whenever I try to even ask about your day.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You know I never want you to feel like that, right?” You shrugged again. “I just… I don’t know, it’s just hard for me to open up to other people. I guess I’m just used to having someone who understands me without me having to say anything. Vulnerability feels so strange to me so I just try to avoid it when I can.” He took both your hands into his. “I’ll do a better job, I promise. Thank you for being patient with me.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he’s not much of a talker, we all know this ⇾ but if you ask him the right questions (ie. being annoyingly persistent) he’ll talk ⇾ LOTS of appreciation ⇾ very grateful to all the people he’s met in his life and how each one that he holds dear to his heart plays a different role in his life ⇾ how much he cherishes the people he loves ⇾ and then the conversation would turn to you - how much he appreciates you ⇾ let’s be honest, kenma sucks ass at being affectionate, his love language is probably quality time because just knowing that you’re willing to sit with him as he streams is good enough to make his gamer heart happy ⇾ so he would take the time to fully express how much he does love you since he rarely makes it known to you in other ways

“Kenma, how much longer are you gonna play? You have class tomorrow,” you said while he was streaming. Glancing at the time, he told his viewers that he was going to wrap it up for the night and he joined you in bed. You were talking his ear off about the meet up you had with some of your friends and you could see him grow more and more irritated. “Why did you call me to sleep if you were just going to talk.” “Oh. Well, this is the only time I got to be with just you today…” You pulled the blanket higher up on your body and curled into a ball with your back to Kenma. You felt him shift under the covers until you felt his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “I’m sorry. Tell me what happened next.” You shook your head. “It’s fine, we can talk in the morning.” He buried his face in your neck, giving you a soft kiss. “I love you. I don’t say that enough. I cherish you even if I don’t show you that. You and Kuroo and Shoyo. All of you are the closest people to me, and I appreciate you all so much for the different ways you’ve helped me.” You placed your hand on top of his and interlaced your fingers. “I love you too.” “How about we have lunch tomorrow? I can cancel the stream at night and we can watch a movie.” “What about the viewers?” “They can survive one night without watching me. I owe you since I’ve been a bad boyfriend.”

#oikawa tōru #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #mattsun x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kenma kozume #kenma x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fic #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader

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markberries · 4 years

Text

a l l i w a n t ┊draco malfoy

anon requested: could you do a draco x reader imagine where it’s enemies to lovers but one day at a party draco gets drunk and confesses his feelings?

info: being tormented by draco was a normal thing for you, but one day everything changes when you find out his true thoughts.

warnings: blood, cursing

genre: slight angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, gryffindor!reader, fem reader

word count: 2700+

a/n: i decided to not make this a party scene because i feel like all my stories end up there, so it’s a little different. sorry if this ruined your request! also i stole hermione’s iconic scene lmao

you rarely hated anyone. most of the time, you enjoyed another person’s company. you enjoyed hearing them talk about things they were excited about, how they did on their recent exam, and you let them vent their sorrows to you. it was like getting a peak into another person’s life, you got to view how it felt like to be them.

so no, you did not really hate anyone, except for one bleach blonde snob with daddy’s credit card; draco malfoy. his cologne hurt your nose, it reminded you of axe body spray, back in the muggle world. he always used his “pureblood status” as a valid excuse to verbally assault those who did not carry the same reputation as him.

you convinced yourself that you did not care for him, or that you hated him, but something in the back of your mind had your eyes drifting to his smooth looking skin in the middle of a class, or the thought of how his hair looked extra soft. you were the type of person to dust those thoughts off and continue with your day, but that did not stop you from thinking about him any other day.

so you gripped your wand in your hand, pointed at draco, who had just insulted hermione for the sake of shits and giggles. he looked at you, as if he were waiting for you to strike, as if he knew that you weren’t going to do it.

“what do we have here? a halfblood? trying to harm me?” an irritating snicker emits from him and his two goons. a surge of anger powers through you, and you’re at a point where you want to spew hurtful words and cast menacing spells, but you knew where that would get you. it would get you a one way ticket out of hogwarts.

your face is beginning to heat up; not from embarrassment, but from annoyance. people passing by the courtyard paid no attention, they continued to talk loudly and ignore the commotion surrounding you five.

“what are you gonna do, huh?”

“y/n, i appreciate the help, but it’s better to ignore him,” hermione assures you, setting a hand gently on your shoulder. you should have listened to her. you wished you had listened to her.

in that spur of ignorance and rage, for you hated draco that much, you launched your fist into malfoy’s face, making him fall to the ground and hold his nose in pain.

you see a tad bit of blood coming out of his nose, and you swore you heard a crack when your fist met his face. now realizing your wrong doings, your eyes widen as professor mcgonagall comes marching towards the scene.

“what on earth happened?” she asks, concerned while picking up malfoy off the ground, who was still groaning, it was a bit dramatic in your opinion. you didn’t know how to start explaining yourself — you couldn’t just say “he was pissing me off”. no, definitely not.

“he was saying hurtful and offensive things, not only towards me, but towards hermione as well,” you say, hoping that your punishment wouldn’t be too severe.

“it should not have resulted in violence, ms. y/l/n,” mcgonagall lectures you, now dragging draco towards the school entrance. “we will decide on the proper punishment after mr. malfoy recovers in the infirmary, for now, i think it’s best you think of an apology to give him, yes?”

with that, professor mcgonagall walks away with malfoy, crabbe and goyle following behind her. you sigh, facepalming.

hermione stood in front of you, asking, “why did you do that?” it was obvious that she was trying to stifle her own laughter, but you are the one who ends up giggling in amusement.

“i had to! it was malfoy!” you reply, making her let out a small laugh as well. you two began walking towards your next class together, meeting up with harry and ron in the hallways.

“you what!?” ron asks in disbelief, looking at you as you all walked together. “bloody hell, you know that draco’s father isn’t going to be happy about this.”

“i know,” you reply, almost carelessly.

“are you not worried?” ron questions again, you simply shrug in response. ron makes a face, like he was thinking of how worried he would be if lucius malfoy would treat him after he punched draco.

“always thought draco fancied you,” harry mutters as you all enter the defence against the dark arts classroom, and you nearly choke on your own saliva.

“i’m sorry?” you manage to get out, making harry look at you.

“oh you know, i thought everyone was thinking the same thing,” he tells you, and you cannot believe what you’re hearing.

“you must be mistaken,” you laugh awkwardly, sitting down at your desk, beside hermione.

“you two are always at each other’s throats, you claim to hate each other, i wouldn’t be surprised if malfoy liked you, if i have to be honest.”

setting your books down on the carved wooden table, you tap your fingers on the desk. you fell deep into thought, resting your head among your hand, propping yourself up.

it would be unexpected — no, odd, yes, it would be quite odd if draco malfoy fancied you. although it was not believable nor confirmed, it still had you thinking. would it be strange to date draco? it couldn’t be that bad, right? you could see who he was. who he really was, not that tough, and might i add, annoying front that he put up, no — you would be able to discover the reality behind draco malfoy.

his fears, his dreams, his hopes — the possibilities were endless. there may be some obstacles, his father for example, but every relationship had obstacles.

you shake off your odd thoughts, reminding yourself that this was draco malfoy. the pureblood who insulted you everyday, the boy who thought he was better than everyone else, the boy you had just punched, for god’s sake.

finally, you are broken out of your own trance by professor lupin, tapping on your desk.

“yes, professor?” you ask, looking up at him. he offers you a warm smile, saying, “professor mcgonagall wishes your presence in the infirmary.”

oh shit.

—

“ah,” mcgonagall says when you walk through the door. “well then, i’ll leave you to it.”

you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion, “i’m sorry? leave me to do what?”

“apologize. i’m sure you heard me tell you to make one, yes? although, we did have to cast a spell that makes mr. malfoy a bit disoriented so that we could repair his broken nose.” with that, the professor exits, leaving you with malfoy, who was laying in his bed, eyes boring into your own.

“i see you’re all fixed up, aren’t you?” you remark, glaring at him. he doesn’t respond, perhaps the spell’s side effects were the reason. after a pause, he begins to speak.

“mcgonagall said, you have to apologize.”

you didn’t want to apologize. who would want to? but you knew you had to, you didn’t want draco’s father to be on your ass for the rest of your hogwarts years. sitting down in the seat next to draco’s bed, you sigh to yourself.

“fine. i’m sorry, i guess.”

the room goes quiet; not an awkward silence, but a calm one. it washes over you unexpectedly, as you had never imagined what a calm silence would be like around draco malfoy.

at this point, he’s still staring at your face. you’re trying your best to avoid his gaze, not wanting to look into his eyes. he smiles at you, drowsiness taking over him.

“you know, you’re quite pretty when you’re not bitching,” he says, but it seemed like he wasn’t directly saying it to you — it was as if he was talking to himself.

“what?” you say quietly, and draco turns to the side, the opposite direction of you.

“you heard me. i think you’re pretty.”

a million thoughts race through your mind, negative and positive. the only sound that you swore you could hear in the empty room was your own heartbeat, pounding out of your chest as you replayed malfoy’s words repeatedly in your head. before you could question malfoy longer, he was already fast asleep.

—

the next few days had you stumped. you forgot how to act around draco, you no longer made your smartass remarks, and he would constantly catch you glancing at him. after his odd confession, it was like something changed in you.

“what are you looking at, halfblood?” draco spits at you, you’re quick to look down at your feet and spew out an apology. draco, who was fully expecting you to throw some nasty words at him, was baffled. he had never seen you pass an opportunity to argue with him. yes, sometimes you would go quiet when you two fought, often when he took his insults too far; but not like this.

“cat got your tongue?” draco tried his best to provoke you, to get you to merely look at him, but you seemed far more interested in looking down at the ground. it irritated him, so he strutted up to you and grabbed your face with his left hand aggressively, earning a yelp from you. he lifted your chin swiftly, seeing a scared look on your face.

“look at me when i talk to you, halfblood,” he laughed, letting go of you. you still refused to speak, draco’s former words in the infirmary occupying all your thoughts. draco needed you to say something, anything.

“what are you? mute?” he carried on, heads turning at the scene unfolding before everyone in the courtyard, where you were previously holding a wand up to malfoy’s face.

“leave me alone, draco,” you muttered, shoving him away. your voice wasn’t the same anymore. it was quiet, it almost sounded helpless, but not quite. as if you were unsure of what to do, or what to say.

when you pushed draco, he lost his own balance and landed straight on his arse, the ground making a light squish noise. giggles came from people passing by as draco stood back up, wet grass littering his robe.

he brushed himself off, before glaring back at you. “oh you’ll pay for that.”

“again, you two!?” a familiar voice shouted, once again, it had been professor mcgonagall. you were red with embarrassment, being caught fighting with draco once was a mistake, being caught twice was humiliating. both you and draco’s heads snapped to look at the upset professor.

“professor-” she cut you off, shaking her head in disappointment. “i’ve had enough of both of your shenanigans. both of you, detention.”

—

you had never gotten detention. then again, you also had never punched draco malfoy in the nose, nor have you ever considered dating him, so this week was full of unexpected events.

“this is your fault,” you hissed at draco, carefully reorganizing the books in the library. draco scoffed, flipping through pages of a random novel you had put aside to sort later. you had regained your sass from the shameful moment that you had been assigned to rearrange all the hardbacks and paperbacks hours ago.

“me? you’re the one who decided to send my ass to the ground,” he sneered, placing the book in the correct shelf, “or have you already forgotten about my broken nose?” draco added.

your cheeks began to heat up again, and you avoided malfoy’s gaze. you tried your best to shake off draco’s words, but his flattering remark had not left your head since he said it.

“why do you keep doing that?” draco asked, and you froze. had he noticed?

“what do you mean, malfoy?”

“you keep doing that. i assume that you weren’t interested in arguing with me today, because most of the time, you never shut that big mouth of yours.”

“i’m never interested in arguing with you, malfoy,” you sighed, your back still facing him. you could feel his eyes burning into your backside, but you didn’t turn around. you didn’t want to turn around.

“not what i mean, halfblood. i’m saying you always have something to say.”

“okay, and i don’t see a problem here. i just didn’t have anything to say to you today.”

draco throws a book on the table next to you, forcing you to turn around to face him, annoyance written all over your face.

“today? don’t you mean the past few days? do you think i’m that dense?”

both of your voices had slighted raised a volume, but quiet enough so that professors wouldn’t come running in to check out the commotion.

“what is your problem malfoy? i just didn’t feel like arguing with you today. why are you acting like you’re offended or concerned?”

“i’m not. i just enjoy seeing how angry you can get when i call your little friend granger a mudblood.”

“don’t call her that.”

“so tell me then, halfblood. what changed? why are you so afraid to fight back?”

“you. you changed.”

the room went silent again. both you and draco stared at each other, a confused expression on his face, but a stoic one on yours. this wasn’t your ideal situation, you didn’t want to tell malfoy about what happened, and you weren’t going to, until now.

you wished that draco hadn’t pushed, and you wished that draco stopped asking so many questions. you wished for a lot of things, but none came true. so many things were unplanned within your current state of affairs, like how you realized how attractive draco was, or how he always tried his best in classes, but he chose to play the “dumb rich boy”.

“you’re not making sense,” he said, taking a seat. you were fidgeting with your hands, looking at the ground. you were shifting your weight back and forth from your right foot to your left.

“you said something, when you were in the infirmary,” you rambled, looking back up at draco. he still had that same confused look on, and you were having second thoughts about this conversation, but it was too late.

“you called me pretty.”

it takes a moment for draco to process this — it’s like you can see what he’s thinking, judging from the flash of emotions on his face. first it’s embarrassment, the sudden pink tint rising as his eyes grow wide. next is a smile being held back, almost like he was thinking about how you might have reacted. lastly was deep thought, thinking about what to say next.

“well?” you ask, eagerly awaiting his response. you wished that he would yell and deny it, but like i said, you wished a lot of things.

“you are quite pretty.”

if draco had denied it, you would’ve continued living your life. you would have continued to argue with him and you would have continued to insult him whenever you got the chance. you wanted him to have said “you? you’re absolutely delusional”, so that you could cut off the thoughts about how much you wanted to feel draco’s hand on your own, go on dates with him, and rearrange his bland wardrobe.

that’s what you would have done if he denied it.

“i’m sorry?”

“odd, isn’t it? i thought it was a dream, truly i did. i thought i had made the entire thing in my head, i mean, i never expected you to ever apologize to me. guess i was wrong.”

you were dumbstruck, after all those offensive comments, after all those arguments and years of torment, draco malfoy had just admitted that he thought you were pretty.

“you’re lying,” you say.

“i’m not. you know what they say, bad attention is better than none at all, and you bet i wanted your attention.”

something he said made your heart swell, and you were staring into his eyes in awe. you smile, your eyes turning into crescents.

“malfoy,” you say.

“what is it, halfblood?”

“i want you to kiss me.”

draco stands up, walking towards you. bringing his lips to yours, your stomach explodes with butterflies as your hands wrap around his neck to bring him closer. you felt weightless, like you were floating. you expected his lips to be chapped, but they were quite soft, like your lips were on a cloud. there were no thoughts running through your head, it was like someone else had taken control over you.

when you two break apart for air, you rest your forehead on his, looking into his grey eyes. he was smirking, of course he was. you were smiling back at him, his hands wrapped around your waist.

“guess we have to go on a proper date other than detention then, am i right y/n?”

that was the first time he had ever used your real name instead of halfblood. finally, you realized, maybe draco wasn’t all that bad.

#draco #draco malfoy #draco fluff #draco malfoy fluff #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #harry potter

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unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix · 3 years

Note

You may have seen this going around but people are hating JJ for snapping at Reid in 10x11. Like maybe she shouldn’t of done that but she was having a literal breakdown and her ptsd affecting her a lot. Not to mention that Reid did the same when Emily asked if he was okay when he was going through his drug addiction and ptsd after Hankel but yet no one gives him hate for it. Emily also snapped at Garcia in 6x17 when Garcia checked up on her. They two were also going through a lot but people still defend them while JJ who also did the same as them gets the most hate (which doesn’t surprise me with this fandom). And at the end of 10x11 JJ thanked Reid for helping her and in a way apologised. Also Reid, Emily and Garcia didn’t take it personally when they were snapped at as they could tell something was going on. When you’re going through something especially trauma it’s possible you may end up snapping at someone and we shouldn’t give them hate for it.

Sorry for this rant, I’m just annoyed that people are hating on JJ for going through something traumatic

Hi thank you so much anon!

I don't know exactly what happened recently regarding this situation, but after reading this ask, I 100% agree with you! You are more than welcome to rant about this because I feel the same way. I think I have seen something like this in the past, and I still don't understand the JJ hate, which I will get at the end of the post under the cut. (I also apologize in advance if this is all over the place haha)

I think JJ has the right to feel the way she feels in 10x11. JJ probably thought Reid means well when he was asking if she was ok, but it also seemed very clear that she didn't want to talk about it. She also didn't want them to cause a scene in a place where it's public. Like you said, it seemed pretty similar to the scene about Reid getting mad at JJ for hiding the fact that Emily was still alive. He didn't get much hate as JJ did in that moment, too. Even people were blaming JJ for "hurting Reid's feelings" because she had to protect someone very close to her and the team. JJ already felt guilty having to lie to the team and while Hotch wasn't the target of Reid's anger, he still felt responsible for his actions and Reid's feelings. In fact, Hotch has made that clear for everyone to tell him how they felt about Emily's return. Even in 7x02, Hotch tells Reid if he is angry, Hotch is willing to take the blame for it and that he shouldn't be angry at JJ, in which Reid bitterly responds: "I can't. I didn't come crying to your house for 10 weeks." Hotch was guilty for hiding it from the team as well, and people have aimed their anger towards JJ because she "hurt Reid's feelings". It also didn't sit right with me when Reid implied that he was going to blame JJ for his hypothetical relapsing (that may be poor writing but it still doesn't sound right).

JJ was dealing with something traumatic to her, and so she deserved to feel frustrated, angry, etc. because it is difficult to keep all those emotions, especially negative ones, shoved into a box. Even though one pushes their emotions down, there is going to be a breaking point and all of whatever they have been feeling is going to burst out of the bottle sooner or later. That's the case with JJ. She wasn't mad that Reid was checking on her, she was only mad that it was at the wrong time. If it was at a time that was decent for them (aka when it's in a quiet place like at the end of 10x11), then JJ wouldn't mind as much. Over time, JJ has worked to push her emotions away because of everything that's happened to her. It becomes both better and worse for her coping. Better because she is able to get a task done fast. Worse because she isn't confronting her feelings, which is unhealthy. At the end of 10x11, JJ has thanked Reid for helping her and didn't seem too angry at him anymore, and in a way, has apologized. She felt somewhat relieved that she finally told someone about what she was going through (even though her trauma was still not entirely resolved, in my opinion).

I think you've made some interesting points using examples of other scenes that have characters snapping at someone else for getting them to open up about something troubling them. Derek and Emily have snapped at Garcia, who was checking up on them during a time of distress. Both of them know she meant no harm as well and they were both frustrated and stressed in those two times. Garcia understood and was only concerned about them. Same with Reid confronting JJ about her trauma. Or even Emily with Reid when he was taking dilaudid. They all were worried about each other and wanted to be there to support their friends.

People have different ways of coping with trauma and shouldn't be judged for it. It is a step forward to help them deal with it, and hopefully, make them feel safe and comfortable to talk about it.

Under the cut is how I feel about the JJ hate, so if you want to read that, feel free to do so.

This is something I needed to get off my chest. I'm already getting tired of seeing the JJ hate on some posts, here and on other social media platforms. Oddly enough back then, there wasn't this much hatred towards her character. Aside from the confession in later seasons, JJ has gotten a lot of hate now that the show's over. I have noticed the common thread of the hate being connected to Reid's character (note: I really don't want to get into some sort of hate discourse thing so please don't come at me for this).

I have seen fans say that JJ's the mean girl of the team because she is "mean to Reid" or because "Reid said so". I disagree with this whole notion because everyone has treated Reid the same way JJ has, and JJ wasn't super mean to him. I've always seen them interact like siblings, so they had that older sis teases little bro vibes to me. They both cared for each other, as seen numerous times on the show (this does not mean I ship them). In the scene where Reid thought JJ was a mean girl, she was defensive because she was hurt that someone close to her would think that lowly of her. Reid didn't even know that JJ was offended by that statement, so he just carried on with it.

People have also said that JJ is "too bland" or "too boring" of a character. I like to dig into little details of the show and/or the characters themselves, and learn why they are the way they are. People don't often see why JJ is the way she is like they do with other characters. To say that JJ's only trait is "being a mom" or "being too sensitive" is stupid. I agree that JJ's character was done dirty by the writers and producers, though. With everything that has happened to her, it explains why she is the person she is on the show. When JJ was younger, she didn't have any role model growing up besides Roslyn. She came from a broken family, who was often emotionally and physically distant from everything and everyone. Because of that, it shaped JJ into the person she is today. This is one of the reasons why she hates talking about her feelings and opening up because as her mom said, "Avoidance is what this family does best, anyhow." Her whole life, JJ pushes herself to work hard that she's never learned how to give herself a break, especially when her mental health is going bad. She needs someone to rely on and that she can trust to vent about anything she's having a hard time with.

Another thing people have to remember is that Reid and JJ are two completely different personalities and their own characters, so comparing them with each other or even pitting them against each other isn't going to make things better for many, and people will continue to fight about this.

Admittedly, this is one of the reasons why I don't join fandoms often because people are there to enjoy and share their interests with one another. I am aware that I have stated my opinions from time to time, but to waste all that energy continuously hating on something others like, is tiring. I like when people post things they like, instead of posting their absolute hatred on something that others enjoy often. I usually don’t interact with posts that have hate on something I like that I've seen and I try to filter that out. (I’m sorry if my wording doesn’t make sense here)

#jennifer jareau #spencer reid #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #i'm sorry this was a long post anon hahaha #alyssa's asks

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nightwingmyboi · 4 years

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Can I ask why you hate Batman and Robin Eternal? (it was my first DC comic ever, my dad bought it for me in one of his trips even though I didn’t know anything about the batfam or comics in general lmao). It’s been so long since the last time I read it I don’t even remember what it was about (I do remember enjoying it in that moment but it may have also been because it was a gift and the drawings were cool lol)

Aww, that’s very sweet. There are certainly bits of the comic that are enjoyable. I’m pretty sure that I’m actually in the minority when I say that I don’t care for it...but since you asked lol, there are several things about these comics that really rub me the wrong way. This is pretty negative (and way longer than I’d planned), so be warned.

For starters, Dick Grayson was just...not treated well by his family members in these comics. It felt particularly brutal here specifically...I think because Dick would say very harmless things, and his family’s responses in return were so abrupt and unreasonably harsh. Like, Dick says that he’s glad to see Batgirl, and wonders what some kids are doing dressed as Robin...

Batman and Robin Eternal #4

And Batgirl bites his head off. Or, there were times where Dick would just be hanging out in the general vicinity, and people would just take shots at him out of the blue for seemingly no reason.

Batman and Robin Eternal #3

It felt like he could barely breathe without someone criticizing him for it. At one point, Dick confesses that he’s feeling discouraged, and Damian’s response is to punch him in the face.

Batman and Robin Eternal #22

Which is a pretty good summary of the family’s treatment of him in these comics to be honest. Just literally, lashing out at him for zero reason while he just takes it.

One scene in particular that really frustrated me was this one:

Batman and Robin Eternal #5

You know, that other time in this comic series where one of Dick’s family members punches him in the face while he, once again, takes the hit and does nothing to retaliate. Good times.

For context...the big bad in these comics is a villain known as “Mother.” Her speciality is brainwashing. She placed several of her “children” in high-profile positions in order to enact her plans, even managing to infiltrate Spyral. In a message left for Dick, Batman specifically explains that “Anyone could be under her control, Dick. They could be people you know. People you love…they probably will be” (Batman and Robin Eternal #1).

Unlike in Pre-52, Tim’s background is largely a mystery. He’s acting suspiciously. So, Dick takes it upon himself to investigate and ensure that Tim’s not one of Mother’s plants.

On Tim’s side of things, he’s upset that Dick investigated behind his back and found out where he’d secretly had his parents living for their safety. Dick unintentionally brought danger to their doorstep (though, notably, no one was actually hurt). But Tim’s pissed, and punches Dick in the face.

Not gonna lie, this was hard to take. I mean, even if Tim was in the right in this argument (which he lowkey isn’t in my eyes), that still does not make it ok for him to just punch Dick out of the blue when Dick is, as pictured above, just talking to him.

And the hypocrisy that Tim is displaying here is stunning. How he had previously told Dick off for keeping secrets from the family by going undercover with Spyral, when he in fact had a whole secret family tucked away in a corner. How he tells Dick off now for invading people’s privacy, when just earlier in this very comic he had planted surveillance devices in Stephanie’s apartment without her consent.

Batman and Robin Eternal #2

How Tim storms off and goes on a solo mission with Jason because Dick’s supposedly too personally invested and thus compromised, when he just got so emotionally unhinged that he lost his shit at Dick and punched him. Once again, may I just say, simply stunning.

But does Tim ever face any consequences for this behavior? Oh, of course not! Instead, we get Jason joking about how great it is to punch Dick in the face when he is not even fighting back.

Batman and Robin Eternal #7

And everyone collectively piling on to Dick and blaming him, even though he had legitimate concerns. Awesome.

Batman and Robin Eternal #6

Batman and Robin Eternal #7

And Dick just continues to take it. Not once does he stand up for himself. It’s so hard to read him continually get shit on, I’m sorry. And it’s crazy how they treat him this way, and yet still ultimately look to him for encouragement and rely on him to save the day in the end? You hate to see it.

I also didn’t like what they did with Cass. I know, I’m just full of complaints. But they really watered her down. With Pre52 Cass, you could actually describe facets of her personality. She was compassionate, had a very refreshing, sassy sense of humor, etc. She wasn’t just...mysterious action girl who has a dark past and cries occasionally. I mean, there were moments where I could see glimpses of personality (the time she visited the ballet being the main one), but on the whole she punched people when needed, and otherwise just stood there as people talked about and around her. Essentially a prop for the story.

Batman and Robin Eternal #24

Another thing that makes me so uncomfortable (that I couldn’t pin down until I read this post here) is the fact that this comics version of events makes it so that Cass’ own backstory no longer has her as the focus; it’s not about her emotional struggles and journey. By having Cass kill Harper’s mother rather than a random man, it makes the story about Harper, and about Cass gaining Harper’s forgiveness. So...more using Cass as a prop...as an element of someone else’s story in what is supposed to be her origin!

Honestly, I have no idea why Cass would want to stay with the Bat-family in these comics anyway...her previous mentorship with Barbara Gordon is nonexistent. She’s no longer Batgirl. The two people who were once her closest friends treat her horribly.

Batman and Robin Eternal #3

Batman and Robin Eternal #4

As if she’s barely a person. Once again, sooooo hard to read this. Why.

Yeah, I could go on forever nitpicking here. You probably got a sense of it already, but I absolutely despise how Tim is characterized here. Most of the time, he’s an ass. Jason also had pretty inconsistent characterization. And I really don’t like how the whole comic treats Robin like something Batman owns and is meant to benefit from, rather than as something Dick created. I don’t like how Cain was “redeemed” in the end, and that Cass took on the name Orphan instead of Black Bat or Batgirl. Once again, how is she connected to the Bat-family exactly? And I don’t like how Dick’s time as Robin is portrayed.

The existence of this comic...drives me insane...

It’s also the worst time to be doing a “Does Batman treat his kids like child soldiers?” arc considering it is coming on the tail end of Spyral, aka that one thing that Dick did because Bruce beat the shit out of him and forced him to.

Nightwing #30

Looking through Batman’s speech to Dick there...some of the things he says to Dick are so uncomfortably close to what Cain says to Cass. Really horrible parallel there. Why DC.

I really don’t know why Dick was so certain that Bruce didn’t do something shady with Mother, as was implied throughout the comic, when Bruce had pulled the Spyral crap fairly recently. Idk why they didn’t play into that side of things. Like, the fact that this arc ends with Dick comforting Batman about them not being child soldiers:

Batman and Robin Eternal #26

Instead of Batman stepping up to reaffirm to Dick that he was a good partner and a trusted ally when he spent the whole comic being insulted by his family and being told this stuff by his enemies (and flashback!Batman):

Batman and Robin Eternal #8

Batman and Robin Eternal #12

Just sucks. I mean, Dick had just recently sacrificed everything (his family, his friends, his life, his identity, everything) to do as Batman wanted and go undercover, only to hear this over and over? To hear that none of it was enough? That he could never be enough? And Dick never gets reassurance that this isn’t true. This comic is just agonizing in so many ways.

Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I am not criticizing this to be a killjoy? Just venting. If you enjoy these comics, you are free to continue to do you. But I am never going to like them. And when I see people championing these books as the best the Bat-fam has to offer...oof is that hard to hear lmao! Surely we can do better than all this.

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izzehz · 3 years

Text

tw // vent

wonder if i can vent here without anyone knowing about it,, if so that would be so cool and pog. i dont want any of my friends to see these since idk,, i just dont want them to. anyway,, if ik you pls dont read/interact this,, i dont want to deal with your questions and shit,, no offense. recently ive been struggling with my emotions with a certain friend. I’ve liked her for a bit,, i confessed to her recently, which she said she liked me too, but i dont believe her,, i just kinda feel down? she left really quickly once she did,, i think i made her really uncomfy when i confessed and i regret that. we havent really talked since then and i feel like shit. I tried to talk to her on sunday, but it was short-lived and i just,, struggled lol. I hate how ive gained these feelings for her. i feel like i ruined our entire friendship since she doesn’t really talk to me anymore. we dont have the convos we had months ago,, where we would talk for hours. and i feel like we dont since i fucking ruined it. she also texts dryly and sends short messages, which fucks with my head since that tells me that shes not interesting in talking to me. even if it isnt true, i just get insecure and turned off. ever since i started to get these feelings i just ruined everything. i wanna ask her out,, but im afraid of being in a relationship,, plus we don’t talk that much, which kinda turns me off from it. im afraid that she’ll breakup with me too really quickly, since she isn’t ready or something. which is valid, but if thats the case, i dont want to risk my feelings hurting even more. and i recently became friends with this one person,, and theyre super cool,, i can tease the fuck out of them and they can do the same to me,, but i feel like i annoy them. recently they’ve been using more puncuation and smaller and dryer messages and i feel like im just annoying them. and it sucks, since i really like and care for them. i,, just feel like ive been ruining all the friendships/relationships i have because,, im me. i so badly just want to drink alcohol and forget everything. literally everything. i just want to forget myself and become a new person. i want to leave everything behind. im so sick of having to deal with these emotions. school is so fucking hard now and i have no motivation to even continue it. i want to communicate my feelings so badly to people, but i can never do it. due to past experiences,, i just get so anxious and afraid that they’ll shut me down. maybe this is why im posting this post. so i can finally get this shit off of my chest, without, at least hoping, that none of my friends see this since i can’t actually bring it up to them lol. im such a pussy. i hate myself so much and regret every second that i live. this is getting really long lmao but oh well. ive been holding this shit in for weeks and its so strong. i so badly want to cry and just isolate myself from everyone. i want to forget everyone. watch me lose my friends, and her. god,, she has me so fucked up. i love her but,, damn it hurts too. i dont hate her or anything,, i just wish my emotions weren’t like this. theres so much more i could vent about when it comes to my feelings about her, but i wont. in case she does see this i dont want her to think she ruined my life or something. shes made it so much better,, its just the negative things are really consuming my head. if anything, ive noticed this crush is a lot like the crush i had back in 5th grade, for this boy that i loved. he was my bsf too at the time and the timing and situations are way too fucking similar. i never confessed to him tho,, which im sad i didn’t. we probably couldve had something, but i was too much of a pussy to say shit. same with him. at least i wasn’t too much of a pussy with her. but,, the one thing i was afraid of ruining back in the day might be happening now. why is this shit so hard and confusing. wish i could just never get feelings. ive talked a lot about her in this post huh,, jufejf i guess its just been bothering me recently. why do i think everyone hates me? or at least, why do i think that? its so stupid. no matter how much reassurance people give me,, my brain just refuses to believe them. my brain never fucking does. it probably will never either. im hoping that since this post is really long that this will turn people off from reading it. im so afraid of hurting the people i care about in this post,, this is probably another reason why i never vent. i dont want to hurt peoples feelings. i always manage on doing that tho. intentional or not. sorry if my grammar and structure is bad. im stupid lol. lets hope nothing goes to shit when i post this <3

#vent #pls dont read this if ik u #in general i hope people dont read this lol #i needed to get this shit off of my chest #i hate everything

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