#thirst trapping you guys with the Old Dudes

[mardyart]

my gift for u this year….. shirtless peepaws

#thirst trapping you guys with the Old Dudes #three himbos and a twink at the ministry #the band ghost #ghost bc #papa emeritus I #papa emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #primo #secondo #terzo #papa copia #ghost bc fanart #the band ghost fanart #art #fanart

[prienova]

I showed my friend, who knows almost nothing about f1 and has absolutely no filter, photos of each driver on the 2022 grid and made her name and give me her first impressions on them and 😭. She just said whatever came into her head at the time, none of this was really thought over :). Everything is under the cut since this is such a long post!

Max Verstappen: William Osbourne

italian or spanish vibes

slightly dark and broody vibes

takes racing very seriously

“He is either super nice or an absolute asshole, or maybe he’s both who knows.”

Sergio Perez: Kristopher

A little lost but everyone loves it

100% has compilations on youtube that are like “kristopher being kristopher for 8 minutes and 23 seconds”

Has spent so long in f1 that everyone is telling him to quit

Very enthusiastic and his fans are very loyal

Charles Leclerc: Alexio 

“Damn he’s fine as hell!”

Hot, sexy, and hardworking

Has so many smutty fanfics written about him but he doesn’t know that they exist

Famous for his dimples and general smolder

Carlos Sainz: Akaash

“Oh my god, is he indian? YES DESI REP!” (She was so exited, I felt bad telling her he is spanish)

Could act in a movie as a fuckboy

Nice enough but might break your heart

Hard to approach but well liked by others

Lewis Hamilton: Joseph (but goes by Joe)

“Why are these guys so hot?”

Very wholesome and doing his best

“He looks like a good driver, I’d let him grip my steering wheel” ;)

Probably posts thirst traps after workouts

George Russell: George (she got one!)

Smiles and laughs but is secretly sad inside

“Is he gay? He feels gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I am too and my senses are tingling.”

Solid driver

After seeing him in his williams era: “Awww, look at his hair, what a gem :)”

Fernando Alonso: Alec La Chance

Old man, people are begging him to retire but he stays out of spite

Has a questionable hairstyle

Can come off as rude and scary but he is just blunt

Has probably hazed the new drivers each year

Esteban Ocon: David

Sweet guy, seems very bubbly and fun to be around, has a cute face

Would hype you up if you were feeling down

“He's that one cousin who you see at family gatherings every 4 years that you get along with super well but never talk to outside of those gatherings as neither of you can seem to make the effort to reach out.” (yes, this is her exact wording 😭)

“Is his hair wet or is that just an unholy amout of hair gel?”

Daniel Ricciardo: Arnesto

Very popular among the guys and gals ;)

Very chill and well liked

“He’s so smiley, I love his teeth!”

Looks like he belongs in FIFA

Lando Norris: Theodore

“How old is this guy? I thought you said they had to be 18 to drive or something.”

Has an “I’m not like other boys” mentality

Probably reads those romance webnovels that all have the exact same plot and cries when he finishes them because he wants to be loved

Says “pog” and “sus” unironically

Valterri Bottas: Scott

“He’s giving me australian vibes.”

Has a nice smile, seems chill and relaxed, very reliable

Not a fan of publicity but deals with it only because he has to

Comes off as tough and intense but is actually a total sweetheart, gives off major dad energy

Zhou Guanyu: Andrew

“Ooooh, I like him. He would bump into me on the way to work, spill my drink, and buy me coffee as an apology.”

A solid dude and a good friend

Seems like a good sport

She spent almost ten minutes drooling over his modeling pictures 💀

Kevin Magnussen: Gordon Ramsay

Has strong father vibes but is unhinged

Head empty, only cars

Has questionable morals but everyone loves him

Stoner energy

“He looks like if someone tried to copy Gordon Ramsay but changed it up a bit so it wasn’t obvious.”

Mick Schumacher: Brad

Very charismatic

“What happened to his hair? Why would he cut it like that?” (I showed her before and after photos of that one haircut)

Very sweet but is also a menace to society

Looks like he would enjoy cherry flavored cough medicine

Pierre Gasly: Chadwick

Very cool and suave, flirts a lot, secretly sad inside

Throws parties often

Would have went into finance if f1 didn’t work out

Has a small but devoted fanbase, extremely underrated driver

“I can’t tell if I would trust him or not.”

Yuki Tsunoda: Benjamin

Very nice, another solid guy

“He has the same hair my brother did when he was 12.”

Can drive an f1 car well but gets too nervous to drive on regular streets because he doesn’t trust himself to not start speeding

“He’s cute, I’d date him.”

Sebastian Vettel: Gandalf

Very nice and wise, pleasant to talk to

Wins a lot, has many fans that thirst over him and his scruffy hair

Could have been a footballer but chose to go into f1 instead

“He has fun uncle energy, I want to smoke a joint with him.”

Lance Stroll: Jacob from Twilight

“THIS GUY’S HAIRCUT IS EVEN WORSE THAN BRAD’S!”

When he got rid of his old hair, his passion for the sport left with it

Sometimes gets intimidated by some of the intense racers

“Someone please tell him to grow his hair back out, it looked so good.”

Alex Albon: Jughead from Archie

Has a good portion of haters for no reason

A bit awkward but very sweet

Pulls off the red hair VERY well

“I want to be his bottle of hairdye.”

Nicholas Latifi: Santander

Is either the best driver currently or very bad

Looks very intuitive and thoughtful

Seems handy and domestically skilled

“I like his hands, do you think he moisturizes?”

I honestly can’t tell which one is my favorite 😭

#formula 1 #f1 #max verstappen #sergio perez #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #lewis hamilton #george russell #fernando alonso #esteban ocon #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #valtteri bottas #zhou guanyu #kevin magnussen #mick schumacher #pierre gasly #yuki tsunoda #sebastian vettel #lance stroll #alex albon #nicholas latifi

[dinobotisland]

IF EOX HAD TUMBLR

🐱 eox13907 Follow

Playing with my touys

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

There's no way the bosses think it's ok for a 5 year old to be on here

🧠 lifeoftheparty1 Follow

NO LET'S HEAR THEM OUT. I THINK THE KID'S ONTO SOMETHING

(2,084 notes)

👁 eyeinthesky Follow

Hi guys please remember that unfortunately while i would love to allow you guys to do whatever you want, please remember bass sometimes watches the cams!

⚠️ cleansweep Follow

I wish he would watch MY cam... sighhhhhhh

👁 eyeinthesky Follow

GET HELP

(10,238 notes)

💙 drzeller Follow

Can whoever keeps googling "how to build a bomb" stop that

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

THEY'RE ONTO ME

(1,703 notes)

🧠 lifeoftheparty1 Follow

DAY 1031 OF WAITING FOR BASS TO KILL HIMSELF

�� moradonyxchugjug Follow

Who the hell even is this. How has their account not been deleted yet? Like I hate bass too but ????????

🧠 lifeoftheparty1 Follow

LOOK AT MY THIRST TRAPS BOY

(1,027 notes)

🦖 programersaurus Follow

I don't owe the security lady McDonalds i don't owe the security lady McDonalds

👁 eyeinthesky Follow

I can literally see you making this post. Get me McDonalds you son of a bitch

(307 notes)

⚠️ cleansweep Follow

Mmm i love the smells of cleaning chemicals mixed together.

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

Dude???? You're going to fucking die???

⚠️ cleansweep Follow

Your url is literally moradonyxchugjug

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

AS A JOKE DUDE

📋 chantal97 Follow

One time at school they told us a story about one of the cleaning ladies almost dying because she didn't know not to do this.

⚠️ cleansweep Follow

Hehe I'm fucking sneefing and snorfing here

(7,061 notes)

Anonymous asked: Can you please help i got locked out of the breakroom again

🤖 askthefacilityai Follow

👍

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

Lol going anon when we all know who got locked out

(27 notes)

🎸 stephenbassceo Follow

Stop bullying each other and get back to work.

(2 notes)

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

Going to play bowling with everyone, it's gonna kinda suck but whatever

💜 moradonyxchugjug Follow

MY FUCKING ANKLE

(864 notes)

🧠 lifeoftheparty2 asked: heyyyy stevie (-: i love you, you're my bestie, i want you to make me immortal pleaaaaase pleaase god.pleease. ste;vie your eveurtintng

🎸 stephenbass Follow

God brian i will do it for you please let me please we're best friends forever. I;ll do anhthing for you please lve me agaun

🧠 lifeoftheparty1 Follow

STOP SENDING YOURSELF THESE ASKS YOU PATHETIC FUCK. I HATE YOU I WANT YOU TO DIE

(951 notes)

#harley screams #ecopportunityx #this isn't that funny but it was going to start haunting me if i didn't make it real #long post #fake dashboard #sui ment #the one abt the story at school is real they did that to me

[kmcosplays]

lupin headcannons before the adhd forgets about them:

sexuality hc:

pan and polyamorous lupin (he is already poly in cannon soo)

gay jigen (he gives me the vibe of a guy who finds out later in life)

aro/ace goemon

fujiko is an ally (to me I feel like she likes women aestheticly but not romantically. like she knows being gay isn't a choice because she would have chosen it if she could)

gay pops but he has a hard time expressing it (bc he's from an older generation you know the rest)

Zenigata mainly gives me gay vibes because he so seems like the kind of guy to say he's married to his job when he's really just afraid of the truth (think of that older gay dude from tlou he gives me pops vibes. im not a huge fan of thosegames don't come for me)

lupin knows about pops but keeps it to himself out of respect (don't out people y'all)

jigen learns he's gay by drunk kissing guys ( I mean lupin) and being like "oh shit I liked that. but why..." the having this long crisis moment of "have I actually liked those women back or was I trying to fit in"

the lupin gang will gender you correctly as they steal all your stuff

"no we're stealing HER treasure" type shit okay

just regular hc:

fujiko has all those fun hairstyles because of either wigs or extention

lupin was clueless to this tell he saw her take either a wig off or extensions out

it was an entire "they were fake"... "of course they were fake" moment when he saw her regular hair underneath

goemon was shown overwatch and is a huge hanzo fanboy (not so much genji because he relates more to hanzo but he does respect the use of his sword )

jigen tried to get into video games but he doesn’t like that fps aren't "realistic enough" aka he's an old man who's bad at games

lupin however will sit and game for hours

fujiko can and will kick his ass at any game. she's way better than him at most games.

they saw lupin owns a dating sim and were all like 🤨 *vine boom sound effect*

lupin Googles himself on a weekly basis

jigen argues with people on Twitter

lupin watches edits/thirst traps ect. of himself DAILY

goemon learned what shipping is and saw he's involved in some ships and decided the internet isn't for him

fujiko has "70 alternative accounts" and will cyberbully you from all of them if you leave hate on one of the 80 times a day she posts

#lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #lupin headcannons #jigen daisuke #fujiko mine #goemon ishikawa xiii #sorry some of these come with backstory and lore #I like to give my thought process #I feel like it helps #if you're mad that I see most of them as not straight idc #bye leave go

[rayasland]

⌗ HASHIRA ICKS ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁

➜ a/n ; my apology for being off for a while 🤭 also, HAPPY LATE NEW YEARRR!! i cant believe its already march MASTERLIST WILL BE REOPENED SOON 🥲 part 2 when i decide to get my lazy ass out of bed [TYSM FOR 200 FOLLOWERS ILYSM 🫶🏾🫶🏾]

➜ warnings ; swearing, not proof read so expect some mistakes

➜ genre ; crack, fluff(?)

★ MITSURI !

she would DEFINITELY act like those vsco mfs. like you would be meeting up for a study date or something and she'll bring out the largest water bottle known to man and all while you stare at her struggle to lift it out her bag. to this day you wonder how she's able to carry that around everyday.

her nicknames get progressively worse. she goes from "hey my love!" to "i love you so much my beloved pumpkin kitty kat sugar boo boo!!"

i feel like she'd also be those mfs that make it so obvious someone is talking about them. except she does it by accident. "babe," you whisper, "see that dude behind our table? he's my ex. you remember elijah right?" and then she's turning right around, pointing and saying out loud, "elijah? ohhh your ex!" you just facepalmed as your ex turned around, giving the two of you a dirty look.

she'd try way too hard to seem intimidating (canon) but no matter how much she tries, as soon as the person she's arguing with says something rude back, she's sobbing on the ground. "ugh your lipgloss is soooo outdated." she says rolling her eyes at the person that insulted you. "you're one to talk about outdated. you have fucking scrunchies and a huge ass hydroflask that you never really even drink from anyways. also, those bracelets you're wearing are the presents i got for my 5 year old niece. on top of that you act like regina george from wish.”

you best know the next day she came into college looking like a whole other person. soon she got really popular for having the “glow up of the year” (i am having way too much fun with this 😭😭)

★ TENGEN !

overuses the same jokes to the point where its so cringe you have to cover your face out of second hand embarrassment. "why did the cow cross the road? to-" "-go to the moovies. i know," you say rolling your eyes. “how did you know!” he asks and you just stare at him like 😃

also texts like a he came straight out of youtube comments. "No one: Absolutely No one: My dog: Me: *laughs at a fish dying*" "HAHAHA BABE UR SO FUNNY HAHAHA" while in real life you’re texting that with a face straighter than drake (friends suggestion bc i literally asked her who’s the straightest person she knows)

he talks and acts like a british dad😭😭 “hey darling me and the rest of the lads are gonna watch the new chelsea game against arsenal.” and u think nothing of it until u start hearing them shout “PASS THE BALL YOU FUCKING TWAT!” and cheering as loud as if he were at a concert when his team scores.

he’s terrible at thirst traps ☠️ you were at an important work meeting when you heard a ding from your phone. it was a message from your husband. “Hope you enjoyed the show baby girl 😻🥵🍆” and you try your absolute best to not start bursting out laughing when you see the video of him thrusting his hips into the camera like ricardo milos. and to make things worse, one of your co-workers looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at and immediately started laughing. then everyone wanted to know what you were watching and the whole room erupted in giggles. safe to say everyone would make references to the video whenever uzui was around while the guy himself kept wondering if they were talking about him or it was just inside joke he doesn’t know about☠️

★ RENGOKU !

speaks really loud for no damn reason... (canon)

like you would be talking shit about someone in the cafeteria the he would be speaking so loudly basically the whole world could hear him. "babe, you know jessica from class 2?" you whisper, "yeah apparently she was caught fucking Mr Wilson to get a higher grade in chem.."

"i always knew jessica was a slut!" he practically screams, earning a few turned heads. "i could tell just by the way she walked up to me on wednesday!" you facepalmed as he continued to ruin not only his reputation, but yours as well. "and did you see the way she was practically begging for sir to screw her! like this girl would do anything to get laid!" by now the whole cafeteria (including the dinner ladies) turned to look at rengoku. some laughed and some gave him the nasiest look they could muster (her friends).

you were NOT surprised when an angry jessica made her way to your table.

he leaves the bathroom door open after he’s taken the most stomach-churning, revolting, nauseating, egregious, execrable, beastly shit so whenever he leaves, the horrible stench of shit makes you want to vomit your dinner out. and to make things worse, he always and i mean ALWAYS forgets to flush the toilet.

the smell was so bad you considered if it was a good idea to let him live with you.

“kyo.. do you mind closing the door after you do your business in the toilet and flush the toilet?” it was like talking to to a kid “or at least use the air freshener so i don’t have to smell it.”

and you almost rejoiced to the Lord when he immediately agreed and promised he’ll remmeber to close the door behind him (he still forgot a few times but it’s fine i think 😁).

all his clothing from socks to even underwear are fire themed. your friends always wonder how you manage to walk out standing next to him, who’s wearing a fire hoodie, fire trousers to match, and trouser nike’s. you once took him shopping so he can actually find another fashion style he likes instead of dressing like a 13 year old boy from 2015 but he resisted and continued arguing about how fire is like his own watermark. you eventually just gave up and suck it up when people on the streets laughed at him or gave him weird looks. he’s lucky you love him so much.

* RAYASLAND … 2023

#↳ ﹕⌕ calico chan ・ #demon slayer #giyuu tomioka #giyuu fluff #giyuu x reader #muichiro tokito #muichito x reader #muichiro fluff #obanai iguro #obanai x reader #obanai fluff #kyojuro rengoku #rengoku x reader #rengoku fluff #shinobu fluff #shinobu x reader #shinobu kocho #uzui tengen #uzui x reader #uzui fluff #mitsuri kanroji #mitsuri x reader #mitsuri fluff #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #giyuu scenarios #giyuu x you

[bandluvr97]

mbb 🎅

Noooo, I wish I got paid the big bucks, I absolutely do not. I let boys flash their money instead.

That’s so amazing! I have friends who are social workers and I see how hard they work, I admire you for doing it. So are you like a case worker?

Shownu is the definition of Head Empty Face Pretty Heart Full. Changkyun is so correct for gnawing on him out of nowhere. Sometimes I forget how strong he is, and then he’ll do some insane dance move and boy HOW, but then gets off stage and wears sandals and socks unironically… But after dancing “Bad Girl” of course he gives off dad/husband vibes, he understands the milfs. Anyway I miss his vocals, Minhyuk’s doing great covering for him but he’s not Shownu.

Did you like Hyungwon’s look in “Love Killa” most? I loved his crazy Fight Club outfit.

SO glad Wonho’s back and doing well and happy. He deserves the whole world. He's so beloved and his big muscles are for hugging (and thirst traps, aka the two most important actions).

Dude, being by yourself to grow is great! Knowing what you want, and not compromising is the best decision. Yeah, lmao, I'm 29, of course I’ve dated. I'm basically an old spinster at this point, according to my dad. But I’ve had to be the bad guy too often, where they catch feelings when I don’t, and we have to deal with the fact I’m too selfish with my time and space to be good for someone. I’ve got shit to do.

Hey love ❤️ lol!!! Fair enough 😂😂😂 best to let people show off their financial worth lol is it fun to people watch or are you more into the behind the scenes stuff?

Oh yeah it can be tricky and a little difficult some days but for the most part it’s rewarding 👍 aw thank you love ❤️ that’s very sweet of you!! 😊😊 yeah I am a case worker in Canada but social wise in the states (only six months into the position and it’s great 👍)

“Head empty, face pretty, heart full” is a perfect way to describe shownu and it’s very accurate lol it makes him such an amazing leader and he’s just so calm and composed it’s a sense of comfort ❤️❤️❤️he really is correct with the gnawing of his arms like come on man have you see those?!?! The man literally is a human pillow it’s insane and he’s a comfort human if that makes sense lol what do you think about his arms? Oh yeah!! There was one dance that OT7 did with a cover song and shownu did a twirl and the splits like SIR!!!! Ooof!!! Them feels love them feels!! Right?? He is doing a great job as a step in but he’s going to get relief soon lol

I absolutely loved his look for fatal love era and love killa was the absolute bomb! He looked gorgeous with the long hair and he sounded amazing, his outfits were on point like it was so well done 👌👌👌👌 did you see the suits though?!?! Like whooo boy!

Amen to that though!! Very glad it was resolved and we have our baby boy back ❤️❤️❤️❤️ he’s just a ball of positivity and it’s lovely 😊 don’t get me started on the thirst traps love 😂😂😂 (heavy inhale of air) he was crazy for doing that and then acting innocent like jessi said “Disney face marvel body” 😂😂😂

Thanks love ❤️ and right??? Like do I want to explore the options? Absolutely 👍 am I ready for that at the age of 25? Not yet but I’m getting there lol plus I was looking for a friend to lover kind of vibe and the people I was talking to only wanted to have sex and rush into things right away and honestly im not into that right now (the rushing into things) but if I meet the person unexpectedly and we vibe then sure! But I’m in no rush for dating if that Ted talk explanation makes sense lol I get the working vibes honestly it’s hard to make the moves and feel genuine about stuff which makes total sense lol would you want to be in a relationship that’s genuine on both sides when there’s a calm lul period?

Hope the day went well ❤️

[mooifyourecows]

what male actors or famous dudes are attractive to young girls these days? like, that timothee guy? Harry Styles? some other pasty white boy that posts thirst traps on tiktok?

when i was young, the only famous men i was attracted to were old dudes who were just like, a little bit weird looking, like Johnny Depp specifically from Pirates of the Caribbean and Adrien Brody in King Kong... meanwhile my friends were obsessed with people like Chad Michael Murray and Zac Efron and Channing Tatum or whatever big time Disney Channel "hottie" was popular at the time

i ask because i'm writing ategt and wanna name drop some people that a twelve year old girl might be a little obsessed with but i'm literally drawing a blank lmao

it's really not that important but if you have any suggestions send em my way 👌

[workingforitallthetime]

welcome, playoff canes shippers!

are you feeling lost and lonely now that the flyers, sabres, red wings, or stars are headed out to their offseason tee times? are you left holding a big bucket of shippy feelings and you don’t know which direction to fling them in? well, the carolina hurricanes are here to teach you how to love again. c’mon, let’s fix you up with a canes ship for the playoffs.

If you like: bitchy cats who hate everybody you should try: sebastian aho/teuvo teräväinen

finn it to win it, baby! aho/turbo has a very ace/aro life partners vibe, where both of them don’t like anybody but maybe deep down they would begrudgingly admit they like each other. please don’t watch this clip of them playing fortnite together... it’s so boring and they’re so happy. they must be in love because nobody else in the world would put up with this shit.

if you like: a flirty little minx and a confident older mentor you should try: vincent trocheck/martin nečas

so you’re a simple guy/gal/nonbinary pal with simple needs, and those needs are a twink posting thirst traps in his boxer briefs and an older bearded guy ready to show him the ropes. i am sorry to tell you that andrei svechnikov/jordan martinook is very much not this ship. but! fortunately the canes offer you an even better alternative: sugar boo marty necas and paisan vincent trocheck. necas is the team baby despite being older than svechy, and trocheck was acquired from the panthers at the 2020 trade deadline and has responded by becoming a leading goal scorer who’s gunning for an A next year. check out this gif of nechy getting aggressive when a former teammate gives vinny a friendly little bump.

if you like: a handsome young superstar and the lovable fourth line grinder who’ll fight for him you should try: jordan martinook/andrei svechnikov

look, i already made you a wholeass primer about why this is the best ship in the entire goddamned nhl. if you’re not on board yet, i give up.

if you like: chirping as a love language you should try: dougie hamilton/warren foegele

yes, i understand svech is in that photo too. that’s just a bonus. svech should be in every photo, frankly. but ignore him for a moment and let’s focus on the absolutely divine dynamic that dougie and foegs have when left alone together. foegs keeps bitching and bitching at dougie, trying to get a rise out of him, and dougie just placidly lets it roll off his back. exquisite. get married about it.

if you like: best friend boyfriends you should try: dougie/svech or brock/marty

FINE i GUESS a lot of people ship svech/dougie but it is not as good a ship as svech/marty and i will die on that hill. however if you like sweet dorky college boyfriends who move to the big city and get a cat, these guys have you covered.

HOWEVER if you are more into rough and tumble BFFs who might have grown up together riding their quads around the gravel pit, let me offer you bottom-sixers brock mcginn and jordan martinook. these dudes are the beating heart of the carolina hurricanes. brock is practically indestructible and energy guy marty makes the entire team better regardless of his own stats.

if you like: HIM BIG you should try: jani hakanpää self-insert

the canes acquired a finnish old god at the trade deadline and we all immediately turned into this girl. this thor-faced motherfucker cooks elaborate meals and posts photos of them on his instagram, and he looks great in glasses. go on, y/n, indulge yourself.

however!

if you like: some real fairy tale bullshit you should try: jani hakanpää/sebastian aho

(full credit to @marmolita​ for conceptualizing this ship for me.) once upon a time, 18-year-old sebastian was spending one last season with kärpät before going on to tear it up with the hurricanes, and 23-year-old jani landed with kärpät after a couple of unimpressive seasons in the ahl. i imagine lumbering jani, his nhl career slipping out of his grasp, watching young phenom sebastian from across the ice, fast and sharp-toothed and absolutely off limits. (sebastian’s dad worked for the team!) fast forward five years and jani ends up in the canes locker room in the stall next to sebastian’s. only now sebastian’s all grown up and knows what he wants. delicious.

if you like: twink4twink you should try: andrei svechnikov/martin nečas

these big-pawed puppies do a very enthusiastic chest bump before every game. once they went on a romantic getaway for spring break. sometimes i zoom in on this photo just to look at svechy’s shoulder freckles.

#long post #time to get on the bandwagon everybody! #joooooooin meeeeeeeee

[adhdeancas]

Hm, mommy issues anybody? Daddy issues anybody? Yeah. Let’s unpack that a little. Not a lot.

Dean runs his hand up the back of his head, feeling the soft spikes of his haircut. It was a stupid tic he’d picked up in his teens, it usually made girls melt. The sensitive guy, the nervous guy, the guy who’s eager to please. It made him look vulnerable. Girls liked that. He started catching himself on it and stopping when he got into his twenties. 

His phone buzzes. He looks at it quickly, ignoring the stupid clench in his heart that comes with the action.

One New System Update Available: Install Now?

He sighs and turns it off.

---

Long hours in the car are usually… uneventful. Full of all kinds of empty time that frankly? Dean likes. It’s a nice break from the constant weird noises of sketchy motel rooms with paper-thin walls, from the creaking pipes in the bunker. Mostly, it’s a break from thinking about whatever batshit depressing problems they have up their ass that week. 

But this time? The open road is endless, like a really shitty, really boring acid trip. A fucking infinity of his ankle cramping up on the side roads. And Sam always gives him the stink eye when he reaches for his phone, so he can’t even do that. He does make pit stops more often than usual, so he doesn’t crawl out of his own skin, and his glares keep Sam from mentioning it. Maybe he just thinks he’s got the shits. He’ll let him keep thinking that.

At least on the pot he can check his phone.

But time and time again, he lays down a loud paper cover that doesn’t do much to cover up the griminess of the seat and sits down, and unlocks his phone. He waits until he’s fully in the stall to do it, even though he could end the suspense the second he puts Baby in park. Maybe he knows what the answer is gonna be.

What the answer always is.

No New Messages. 

He sighs. Story of his life.

---

Sam snatches his phone next time it buzzes in the cup holder before Dean can even reach for it. Dean opens his mouth to gripe, but his stomach ties itself in a knot anyway. He doesn’t know whether he wants it to be… or whether he’s dreading it. 

“Who is it?” he tries to say it casually. It sounds forced to him, but Sam doesn’t notice. 

“Cas,” he’s got this dopey little smile on his face, and Dean feels his face heat up. For no goddamn reason, it’s not like-

“Why’re you- what’s up? Anything wrong?” Dean knows Sam would’ve said right away if something was wrong, but he wants his brother to spit it out already, and Sam looks like the cat that got the cream. That means he’s about to try to be funny. 

“Nah, nah.” Sam grins again, glancing away from the phone finally. 

“Well then put it down, Nosy, what the fuck,” He’s already seen the text, whatever it is, so it’s no use, but Dean bristles anyway. It’s not like Cas would’ve sent him anything actually embarrassing, right? What was the last thing they were talking about… the best roadside pancakes? Yeah, so, it couldn’t be anything weird. Well, it’s Cas, so it could always be something weird. But nothing incriminating. Hell, Sam’s accidentally opened a nude a girl sent him one time so it’s not like it could be worse than that. Not like Cas is sending him nudes. Dean cracks a grin at the thought of what a thirst trap would look like for Cas. Probably him in a, like, half unbuttoned button up laid out in a library chair. Maybe a book in hand. An angel blade. The weapon! Not-

“He just- he just wanted to update you on where he is in Gilligan’s Island.” There’s a laugh in Sam’s voice, and Dean wants to know why. Probably just the way Cas described it, he always finds this certain way of saying things that’s just… kinda endearing and kinda confusing.

“He’s watching without me? Son of a bitch!” 

Sam smirks. “Yeah, he and Jack. Jack finished Pirates of the Carribean and he wanted more island stuff.”

Dean shakes his head. “Motherfuckers…”

Sam rolls his eyes. “You want me to text him back for you?”

Dean rolls his shoulders out. “It’s fine, I’ll just do it at the next stop.”

They pull into the next gas station and Dean doesn’t look at his phone again until he’s hidden. 

---

Because Sam is a nosy bitch, he asks. Well that, and he’s really tired of the car ride taking twice as long with all the stops they’re making. Dean’s usually a ‘pee in a bottle and don’t pitch a fit’ kind of driver, himself included (Sam’s scarred for life at this point), but now? It’s like they’re traveling with a six year old kid, stopping every hour.

The third stop in Oklahoma alone, he stops Dean. “Okay, do we need to go to the hospital?”

Dean quirks his eyebrows and frowns. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He’s got a clue what they’re talking about.

Sam bitches with his whole face. “We’ve been stopping every four fucking feet for days now, so you’re either dying and we need to go to the ER and get an endoscopy, or-

“An endoscope who?”

Sam doesn’t take the bait. Shocker. “Dean.”

Dean rolls his eyes and tries to bypass him. Sam is smarter than he looks. They grab his phone. “Sammy!” This time the word’s annoyed, a warning. Like he used to say right before he really viciously wrestled Sam to the ground and pried the last cookie out of his delicate little hands when they were kids.

Unfortunately, Sam has a height and reach advantage. He holds the phone up and Dean doesn’t have a chance unless- Dean punches him in the stomach. Sam makes a winded noise but manages to keep his arm raised. He glares harder. “You’re gonna talk to me, or you’re not getting this back.”

God, they’re a bitch. “Fine, fuck you. I’ll shit the old fashioned way.” Dean saunters off to the horrifically artificial lights of the gas station, a middle finger waving back just for his little bro. 

 When he gets back, Sam’s looking much more compassionate. It’s worse. “Dean, why are you so obsessed with your phone? What’re you waiting on?”

Dean rolls his eyes and gets in his car, leaving Sam to follow him. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, dude, I’m just making sure I don’t miss any texts from Mom,” He jams the key into the ignition and steps on the gas. Sam’s door snaps the rest of the way shut with the sudden force and they yelp. “Oh, don’t be a drama queen.”

“You’re the dramatic one right now, Dean.” Sam raises his eyebrows, condescension dripping off his expression. “Did she say she’d text soon?”

“Nope.” Dean shrugs. “Just making sure. It’s kinda my fault she died and then came back to life in a world she didn’t understand; least I can do is pick up the damn phone.”

Sam sighs. “Dean, she’s not gonna freak out if you don’t answer right away. Unclench, man.”

“Unclench?” Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. “Fuck off, Sam, I’m fine!”

There’s a tense silence. Dean finally starts to think he’s given up this stupid argument, but then Sam shifts in his seat. “She’s not Dad, Dean. She’s gonna come back.”

Dean bites the inside of his cheek. “Never said she was. And Dad always came back.”

“Dean-”

“Sam, just drop it, please-”

“I know how hard it is-” 

Dean’s harsh laugh cuts the car into silence again. Sam’s got that kicked puppy look on his face, Dean knows it, and he forces his shoulder to relax before talking. “Look, Sammy, I appreciate it and all but- you have no fucking clue what it’s like for your parent to just fucking… ignore you.”

“I grew up with Dad too, Dean. Hell, he lied to me until I was like 6, he ran out on both of us all the time; I never knew where he was, he never told me where he was going-”

“Yeah, well, he always picked up the phone for you, didn’t he?” Dean lets out a harsh breath and changes lanes just for something to do with his hands. 

“He’d stay out for weeks no matter how much I called-”

“Yeah, but he answered. He answered when you called, when you texted, to tell you when he’d be home or to tell you to fuck off and stop calling, but he’d answer.” Dean wipes at his eyebrow. He doesn’t care about this shit. He doesn’t fucking care. “Dad called me when he wanted to talk to me,” then Dean corrects himself “-when he wanted to tell me something. So excuse me… if I get a little antsy. But you- you don’t get it at all.” Dad and Mom, they both left him. Both ditched him as soon as they could and never looked back. Not until they needed him to hunt something. And he got it, he did. But just because he understood didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed. And just because he was pissed didn’t mean he didn’t want them to call. Expect them or hope them to text, just to check in. Something more than coordinates and a link to a news article. 

He wants someone to care about him. And fuck if that isn’t the saddest thing anybody’s ever heard. 

“Dean…” 

It’s been a full five minutes, and Dean’s been waiting for Sam to bring it back up again, to not let this stupid thing go. “What?” he says sullenly.

Sam holds the phone up so Dean can see the screen without taking his eyes totally off the road. It’s a video, and he sees Cas awkwardly holding the camera away from him, two heads of blonde hair behind him. Sam taps the play arrow. 

“Hello, Dean.” Jack waves behind him with his usual energy, and Cas looks incredibly fond. “I’m here with Jack and your mother-”

“Mary,” Mary corrects. She crosses her arms uncomfortably, but her expression is soft. 

“Mary.” Cas repeats. “I decided to invite her to come by before you and Sam got back- that is, if you’re still coming back today. Sam has been telling me that you’re not going as fast as usual, and while I do appreciate you finally gaining some self-preservation-”

Dean rolls his eyes at the smiling jab. 

“- I do hope you’ll get back tonight. Mary has requested we order pizza and chicken wings, and I got the kind you like- the Mango Habenero, but-”

“No promises they’ll be here tomorrow!” Mary calls out jokingly. Sam’s grinning behind the phone now. 

“Hurry home! I miss you!” Jack adds sincerely.

The camera turns back toward Cas fully for a moment, and he holds it way too close to his face. “Yes. I- We- just stay safe. And stop worrying. And iHop is superior to Waffle House.”

There’s a rustling noise and then the video cuts off. Sam is grinning smugly from the passenger seat. Dean raises his eyebrows. “So you’ve been updating Cas about me?”

Sam shrugs. “We snapchat.”

“You what?”

“I send him pictures of you when you’re looking really constipated.” Sam clarifies unhelpfully. “Cas and I like to think up reasons for why you’re mad this time- avocado toast, streaks on the windshield when you try to wipe it at the gas station, that one piece of hair that does the weird-”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Dean snaps. “Wait, what about my hair?”

Sam laughs. “Just drive, Dean. For the wings.”

Dean frowns and pushes Baby faster. Well… now he doesn’t have to stop so much.

He makes Sam pee in a bottle next time he has to go.

#dean winchester #mary winchester #john winchester #sam winchester #implied destiel #castiel #jack kline #my writing #ficlet

[spider-boy1989]

Roy was a intelligent, educated man. At least, that’s what he would never stop bragging about whenever he met someone new. It’s all he talked about around the water cooler too. He wanted everyone else to know how dumb they were in comparison to him. One day, I had enough and decided I needed to take him down a few pegs. I will say I also could gain a lot from him being out of the way, as I was his competition for a promotion.

Anyway, back to the main event! See, Roy was hot, and I had always considered asking him on a date, but his pompous attitude and need to be the smartest man in the room always stopped me. We both are gay, so I figured...why not make him more my type? I was 34, and as hot as Roy was, my usual type was a young himbo. If I could build my perfect man AND get the promotion ive fought years for in one go??? Amazing.

The company we work at was working on a lot of new technology. I’ll spare you the details on all of them, but in order to tell you this story, I need to tell you about at least two. The first one is a new kind of subliminal message. See, the old way didn’t work as well as advertisers had previously thought. So they needed a better option to get people to buy, buy, buy. It was the same idea-messages just below the surface of a commercial, but this time it was changed to be an adaptable frequency that targeted specific parts of the brain. I switched out all his music from his music library(...he didn’t stream his music, he bought all of it...such a boomer.). I waited patiently for results as I programmed him to act dumber, more immature, and to care less about what people thought of him. I wasn’t sure it was working until one day I walked in on him taking a selfie. He wasn’t dressed in his usual sharp manner- he looked like a frat boy.

“Hey Roy. Whatcha doing?” I smirked as he was completely unphased at being caught taking a selfie when he had left a meeting to ‘go to the bathroom’

He smirked right back.

“I’m just takin some pics for Insta... I’m trying to hookup tonight and I figure maybe a thirst trap will do the trick.”

I laughed. “When did you start an Instagram??”

“Like, last night, dude. I dunno. I’ve been feeling myself lately and I just wanted a place to show off this sexy body!”

“I mean it is pretty sexy. Not gonna lie. You’re still not quite my type, but I love the new energy.”

“What new energy bro?? I’m just bein myself!”

“Of course! Why don’t we head back to the meeting...dude?” I guided the dumber Roy back to the meeting. It was his turn to propose something for the new campaign, and he completely didn’t give a shit. He hadnt prepared. He cursed, he talked about how he didn’t wanna be here. Of course, they put him on leave, assuming he was having a mental breakdown. That’s what brings me to the second thing. I guess our company doesn’t technically make it- we’re ad men, not scientists.

Anyway, one of the companies we work for was working on a drug that would completely change a persons body. It didn’t just make you younger, it changed your dna. It made you permanently younger. As you can imagine, it wasn’t too difficult to convince the newly dumb Roy to take it. He didn’t even ask questions once I told him I’d have sex with him. So now Roy was being programmed to be dumber, and boy, is he a dumb himbo now, and being turned into a much younger man who looks nothing like Roy. So it was easy for me to convince him he wasn’t Roy.

“What do you mean dude?? I think I’d remember my own name haha”

“That’s not your name, Ronny! I’m telling you. You know you’re my cute little himbo boyfriend, right?”

He nodded his head obediently.

“Good boy...well, I think since I’m the smartest one in the room I can safely say, your name is Ronny.”

“You’re right daddy hahaha. Sorry for the mixup. I guess I just had a brain fart.” After saying fart, he started to laugh way harder than any smart person would at the word fart. I smirked “it’s okay, boy. We all make mistakes. I’m glad to have you to help around the house and it helps you have a big...” I smirked and rubbed the front of his pants, causing him to moan.

“Please more...” he begged.

I can’t say no to him, so I reached around and played with his hole a bit. “Such a nice hole, too, Ronny boy.” I had complete control of him, just by getting him aroused now.

So, that’s how I got Ronny here. He works as my intern now. I think everyone knows how he got the job, but Ronny doesn’t mind that. All Ronny wants is to make me happy, work out, and have sex. And sometimes get me coffee, and occasionally get me off at work. He calls me daddy at work and I’m not sure the other interns know he’s not calling me daddy cause I’m his father. I got the promotion, I got the guy, I guess a gay man in his 30s really can have it all. Cant say the same for annoying loud 50 year olds who cross me, though!

#Age regression #transformation #dumber #himbo #TF #personality change

[kiribakuhappiness]

ok im not a writer but i had to get this out of my head; bakusquad being at a bar, and kirishima is being hit on pretty big time by this guy. Kiri is too damn nice to turn him down bluntly but he is trying to get away (arms up, awkaward smile). Bakugou sees and steps in, playing kiri’s boyfriend in order to get the guy away. just bakugou having a kind of smug attitude, them kinda playing of the boyfriend thing for the rest of the night 👀 idk i have nothing else but i cant get the scene out of my head

(Kiribaku Drabble Prompt) this might not be exactly what you asked for but i got the idea while reading this and just went for it. i hope you enjoy anyway x

Katsuki’s never liked the bar. Every surface was sticky, the music was horrible, the people were obnoxious, the drinks were always unnecessarily priced, and it was too damn dark in here - where the fuck were all the lights?

He’s never liked going out to the bar and he’s told anyone who would listen to him how much he hated being there but it was just like them not to care. He didn’t even know why he hung out with these idiots; Pinky with her constant stream of useless gossip, Dunceface being the most obvious thirst trap to any girl that walked by, and Sero...

Fine, Sero was decent. But just Sero. The others could go fuck themselves for all Katsuki cared.

Someone bumped into his shoulder as they sizzled passed him at the bar and he growled lowly like some irate dog, gripping his drink harder until his knuckles turned white. God he wanted to fight somebody. Why couldn’t a villain appear and save him from this stupid night?

“Woah, calm down Cujo,” Jirou mocked as she appeared beside him, sipping on a glass of water and looking just as bored as he felt. “Down boy, down. He’s not worth it.”

Katsuki glared at her over the top of his drink. “Fuck off, you’re lucky I can fucking tolerate you or I’d smash your face against this bar top.”

Jirou shrugged his comment off as though he hadn’t even spoken. “Have you seen Kirishima anywhere? I’m supposed to drive them all home tonight and I’m not about to get blamed for being a bad friend just cause one of them fucked off without telling us.”

Katsuki shifted uncomfortably, pressing his lower back harder into the bar top behind him. “The fuck would I know where he is?” he grumbled into his drink, turning his eyes away. 

Jirou raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “Cause you guys come as some sort of packaged deal? Like a two-for-one bargain sale or something?”

Katsuki downed the rest of his drink in lieu of answering. He and Kirishima weren’t fighting - they weren’t. They just... weren’t talking at the moment. Which was fine, why would Katsuki care? Why would he give a fuck that he asked Kirishima to partner with him, to form their own joint agency, and Kirishima had turned him down? It was a stupid, childish idea anyway.

“Wow, you’re like, the worst liar I’ve ever met in my life,” Jirou commented, and for a moment, Katsuki seriously considered that Jirou might be able to read his mind. She’s kind of quirky and weird like that; it was possible. “Your face looks constipated just thinking about him. What happened between you two?”

Katsuki snarled and slammed his empty glass down onto the bar behind him. “Fucking nothing, mind your damn business,” he spat.

“Whatever. Can you please just go and find him? I’m on toddler watch,” she waved a dismissive hand at the group on the other side of the room; where it looked like Pinky was thoroughly egging Dunceface on to do something stupid while Sero video-taped it on his phone.

“Fucking fine.” He pushed himself away from the counter and started off into the crowd for the other side of the room, elbowing people out of his way and ignoring their grunts and complaints as he went.

Of course, Kirishima would be the one to disappear on them, and of course it had to be Katsuki that went and found him. This was starting to become a routine for them, and Katsuki was beginning to grow tired of it. If Kirishima wanted to be away from them so bad, wanted to be away from him so bad, then he might as well just come right out and fucking say it. Katsuki could take it - he was twenty-fucking-three years old, he wasn’t a child anymore and Kirishima didn’t have to worry so damn much about hurting his feelings - which he didn’t even have, thank you very much.

It was a hero partnership, not a fucking proposal. Fucking idiot.

Katsuki didn’t know how long he was looking when he suddenly stumbled across the scene in front of him.

Kirishima had his back to him, a hand resting awkwardly on his neck like he did when he was trying to stumble his way through some kind of horrid excuse. His other hand was gripping his drink tight enough to break glass, and yet, his smile was still just as wide and bright as usual. Probably nobody else would be able to decipher how fucking uncomfortable Kirishima was right now, but Katsuki had spent nearly every single day with him for the past eight years, and he knew when Kirishima was going into fight-or-flight mode.

Fucking... why did he always get himself into these dumbass situations?

The guy Kirishima was talking to obviously wasn’t taking the hint; not that there was even one to get. But Katsuki could see all the hints clear as day; the subtle way Kirishima leaned back on his heels - as though to put distance between them without seeming rude or whatever the fuck he was so afraid of people thinking - the way he didn’t make eye contact and instead chose to let his gaze wander, as though he were looking for an escape route. Shit. Kirishima really dug his own grave with this one, didn’t he? There was no way he was getting out of there alone.

Katsuki scowled and turned to the bartender cleaning a table beside him. “One scotch, hurry,” he handed the man a bill that was probably more than the drink would cost but whatever. The bartender grabbed the money and hurried for the bar. A minute later he arrived back at Katsuki’s side, holding out the drink and some change. Katsuki grabbed the glass and walked away without looking at him.

He took a long pull from his drink before he rolled his shoulders and tried not to let his ‘fuck-off-I’ll-kill-you’ vibes roll off of him too obviously as he appeared by Kirishima’s side, catching the tail end of their conversation, which was just about as cringy as he thought it would be.

“... beautiful view of the city from the balcony window,” the guy was saying, no doubt boasting about some penthouse suite or something similar that he was about to invite Kirishima back to. Fucking just slice Katsuki’s throat right now.

“That sounds... amazing,” Kirishima was saying, stilted and forced as he took another desperate drink from his dumb mojito or whatever it was called.

“Not as amazing as the view from our new office building, of course,” Katsuki cut in, startling Kirishima and pulling a very obvious glare of distaste from the man trying to woo him. As if that would ever work. The dude barely came up to Kirishima’s shoulders and he definitely wouldn’t be able to bench press Kirishima like Katsuki could. Totally not fucking manly.

“Our... office,” Kirishima repeated slowly, gazing at him with wide eyes.

Katsuki cocked an eyebrow at him as he took a slow sip from his drink before he plastered on the most relaxed smirk he could muster over top of the boiling rage he felt building in the pit of his stomach. “Perfect landscape of that mountain range across town, sunrises and sunsets like you wouldn’t fucking believe.”

“You two are heroes?” The man asked stupidly and Katsuki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew they were heroes, obviously knew it by the way he was practically cornering Kirishima in this bar.

“Top heroes,” Kirishima supplied, gesturing to Katsuki. “I’m sure you’ve heard of Ground Zero.”

The man’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second and suddenly the smirk on Katsuki’s face was much more authentic than before. “Of course, number nine by age 23, if the rankings are accurate.”

“They are,” Katsuki said.

The man scrutinized them over the top of his glass as he took a drink - some pink concoction that physically made Katsuki sick just looking at it. “You’re starting a joint agency?”

Kirishima opened his mouth and Katsuki cut in before he could say anything.

“Of course. Being a hero is a very time consuming job, it only makes sense to start an agency together to be able to spend more time with my fiance,” even as the words came out smooth and steady, Katsuki really had to fight the blush from mounting up the back of his neck. Kirishima sputtered beside him, quickly covering it by taking a sip from his drink as his cheeks dusted a bright red.

The man’s eyebrows leaped up into his hairline as he took a discreet step away from Kirishima. “Fiance? I... wasn’t aware... I hadn’t heard anything -”

“You think I’d tell the fucking media anything about my personal life? Bunch of fucking vultures,” Katsuki grumbled, with feeling.

“Still,” the man was looking at him as though he wasn’t fully convinced. “You’re a household name at this point, surely someone would have -”

“You calling me a fucking liar?” Katsuki stepped forward and right on cue, just like he knew he would, Kirishima put a placating hand on his chest to hold him back. The action was enough to draw the man’s attention to the point of contact, and Katsuki tried not to think about how fast his heart was racing in his chest. If Kirishima felt it, he didn’t show it.

“Calm down Bak- babe, I’m sure he... didn’t mean anything by it.”

The man raised his hands and nodded. “Sorry for the intrusion,” he excused himself quickly before he turned and hurried off with his tail between his legs. Katsuki smirked after his retreating figure. Sometimes it bothered him how many times people compared his behavior to villains, but sometimes, like this very moment, he loved how terrified everyone was of him.

Well... everyone except -

“Wow, fiance? Really? You couldn’t have come up with anything else?” Kirishima floundered, his face red as he took a long drink from his glass.

“I wouldn’t have had to if you’d just told him to fuck off like you so obviously wanted to,” Katsuki snapped, turning towards him with a glare.

Kirishima ignored his quip, as he usually did. “You know he’s going to be telling people,” he mumbled into his drink, not catching Katsuki’s eye.

“Would that be the end of the fucking world?”

Kirishima’s eyes snapped back to look at him. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Katsuki tensed and took another sip of his drink. It burned down into his stomach and quarreled the anger he felt growing there. “I never know what the fuck you mean anymore,” he growled lowly.

Kirishima sighed and it was only then that Katsuki realized how close they were still standing to each other. “You don’t want me in your agency, Bakugou...”

Katsuki glared at that. “Who the fuck says that I don’t? I’m the one that asked you.”

“Because of a throw away comment someone made about us in high school man,” Kirishima tried to reason with him, as he always did. “You’re a top ten hero now, and I’m just...”

Oh. Katsuki scowled hard. “Is that really what this has been about? You don’t think you’re fucking good enough or some shit?”

Kirishima drank instead of answering, his bright eyes darting around the room instead of looking at him. Katsuki stepped closer into his space to force his attention onto him.

“If I didn’t want you fighting with me, I wouldn’t fucking ask Kirishima.”

“But you and Midoriya -”

“I don’t want to fucking hear it!” Katsuki snapped. “We had a few good fights, sure, but that doesn’t fucking mean anything. You think I want to share my fucking glory with Deku? With anyone?” Kirishima still didn’t look convinced. Katsuki sighed a harsh breath out of his flared nostrils. “It’s always been you, Eijirou. Kamino, team work, agencies, it’s always been you. It has to be you.”

Kirishima blinked at him, the blush that had started to recede on his face suddenly came back full force. He chuckled into his drink and Katsuki smirked a little at the familiar action. It’d been a few weeks since Kirishima had laughed around him.

“You’re so dramatic dude,” Kirishima teased.

“You like drama, what the fuck do you want from me? It’s the only way to get anything into your thick skull. I gotta come up with dumbass manly speeches like every other fucking week.”

Kirishima laughed again, his cheeks a pretty red that complimented his stupid hair and made his eyes look like they could glow in the damn dark. “Does it really have a view of the mountain?”

Katsuki smirked. “Like you wouldn’t fucking believe. You’ll be sending me pictures of it every damn day.”

Kirishima smiled at that. “When can I go see it?”

Katsuki slammed his drink down on the table. “Right fucking now, thank god, I hate this damn place.” He put his fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly, startling some people near them and easily pulling Jirou’s attention away from her phone. “I’m taking this idiot,” he yelled out to her, gesturing to Kirishima, who laughed with embarrassment at all of the eyes suddenly turned on them.

“Dude, holy shit, can’t you do anything quietly?”

“Tch. No damn point in that.”

“Are you sure you’re not the one that likes drama?”

“Fuck off.” Katsuki’s never been so thankful to leave a fucking bar.

#kiribaku #kiribakuhappiness drabble prompts #kiribaku drabble #kiribaku fic #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #pro heroes #bnha #my hero academia

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 03

(Masterpost)(Previous Episode) 

Warning: Spoilers for all 50 episodes!

 Wei Wuxian demonstrates the purple nurple technique of the Jiang Clan

Should’ve Used Trivago

The Jiang Clan’s reservation got cancelled while they were on the road, so they are going to wander around this small inn for hours being fussed about it, rather than trying another inn. Yes they say the other inns are all full but…so is this one, now. 

The Jin Clan sends an advance party to fancy up the inn for them.

Fuckboi Wei Wuxian

Wei Wuxian decides to use his considerable powers of prettiness to get them a room.  He drops some poetry on Mianmian and brazenly flirts with her before shifting to properly introducing himself and asking for a room. 

This actually works.

...until her boss shows up.

(Much much more after the cut!)

Worst Person // Best Jin

Jin ZIxuan is an ass and a snob. 

I guess we have to give him credit for having a beautiful sidekick and never hitting on her, given that his dad is a rapist and one of his half-brothers is (reputedly) a sex pest and the other half brother is (definitely) an incest perp. But I feel like it doesn’t take much to be the best Jin of his or his father’s generation.

The Jin folks are snobs and talk about how great their fancy and expensive stuff is. It’s an interesting contrast with true connoisseur Nie Huaisang, who loves everything that is fine and beautiful and can quote stacks of poetry off the top of his head, but is not even a little bit of a snob. 

This Tea Smells Like Farts

Ok, let’s talk about generation names in the Jin clan. Ru is the name for Jin Ling’s generation, hence his courtesy name Rulan. The name for the current generation is apparently Zi (子), because both Zixuan and his jerk cousin Zixun have that as their name.  Sect Leader Jin Guangshan would seem to be using the generation name Guang, but then names his son Jin Guangyao so…the whole system breaks down. 

Anyway, my point here is that even considering generation names, if I had a baby and named it Zixuan, and my sister-in-law promptly had a baby and named it Zixun, I would slap her. 

Find you a lover who does not make you feel like this 

Jin Zixuan is mildly intrigued by his betrothed, and expresses it by being rude to her in front of Wei Wuxian, starting a chain of events that will culminate with Wen Ning’s fist going all the way through Jin Zixuan’s chest.

Side Note: Look at these young Jiang Brothers and their casual shoulder hugs. Sigh.

Wei Wuxian’s Combat PlayBook

When Wei Wuxian wants to throw down, he starts with smack talk, moves along to boundary crossing, then to direct threats, and then brings out a weapon if he hasn’t won already. 

Here he starts shit with Jin Zixuan by complaining at him for taking up too much space and having too many sycophants.  Then he goes for the unwelcome shoulder touch. 

Having been sufficiently provocative to get someone to draw a sword and threaten him with physical violence, he shifts to formal verbal sparring. 

This gets the other guy to back down, because even at this age no-one actually wants to tangle with Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian gets to claim the moral advantage, although he still doesn’t get to keep his hotel room. 

Actually Not A Fan of My Sister’s Betrothal

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli have the first of many, many moments of heterosexual ineptitude together. Wei Wuxian quickly rescues them.

Hi, I’m Young Master Cockblock.

Neither of the boys understands what Yanli sees in Zixuan and neither do I, at this juncture. He does improve later after multiple beatings from Wei Wuxian.

This Is The Day Your Life Will Surely Change

Yanli’s encounter in the Inn is the first step toward the inexorable end of the three of them as a unit, although it’s still a long ways off. They are all growing up and she and Wei Wuxian are both going to fall in love at summer camp, like in a 1980s teen movie but without the virginity betting (presumably). 

Meanwhile poor Jiang Cheng is going to be swept along just trying to keep up with events, which becomes the story of his life for the next two decades.

Welcome to Transylvania

We meet Wen Ruohan. He is boring and he sucks. Also I’m summarizing the Transylvania parts out of order because they break up the rhythm of the story. And are boring and suck.

We meet Xue Yang. He seems nice.

Wen Ruohan’s living room is like a shitty nightclub where everyone is too drunk to dance except Xue Yang.

Dee Jay: Undead undead undead, Bela Lugosi’s dead

[OP can’t get a video to embed in this post with looping enabled, so the alternate version of this joke has its own post right here. That will teach OP to get fancy.]

Anyhoo

We meet Wen Qing. She is the bestest most wonderful girl in the world but this isn’t actually when we find that out. 

Right now we just find out that she is absurdly pretty, that she loves her brother deeply, and that she is helping Wen Ruohan with his “take over the world by murdering cultivators” project. OKAY, PROBLEMATIC, BUT SHE IS THE BESTEST GIRL OKAY? 

Gatekeeping

The Jiang Clan don’t get another inn but they do manage to change into immaculate white robes while they’re out on the street, so - nice work, Jiang Clan. Be free!

They get stuck outside the gate because they don’t know that the secret to getting into Cloud Recesses is to set the gate guard on fire. 

Walking Thirst Trap Hanguang-Jun

Lan Wangji shows up and everyone except Yanli, who is already in love with Sir Golden Pants, makes thirst faces at him. Including Jiang Cheng tho he will never admit it. One girl in the background is actually biting her knuckle. 

Note: Lan Wangji knows exactly how fine he is. Look at his fucking hairstyle. 

He is sixteen years old. The only person in the entire cultivation world with fancier hair is Nie Mingjue, and that’s because he indulges his dìdi’s braiding hobby. 

Wei Wuxian loudly stage whispers that LWJ is their key to getting in and LWJ is is like, not fucking likely, person I didn’t glance at yet. 

But then Wei Wuxian says a smart cultivator thing about the puppet dude, and Lan Wangji turns around and has the first of many long mutual staring sessions with this boy he totally isn’t going to like at all.

Jiang Cheng has a bad feeling about the future: a 2-frame gif

Unrelated gardening note: the red-crack puppet is more commonly grown in Gusu and Dafan, while the black-line puppet is native to Yiling

I Must Arrange a Date with this Uninteresting Boy

The rest of the evening is a series of tests that Lan Wangji puts Wei Wuxian through. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know this and Lan Wangji probably doesn’t exactly know it either. 

First he sends WWX back to town to get the invitation. Yes, go get it. Not your entourage; YOU, talky person who thinks he can manipulate me and is smart and looks...intriguing. Go find it and come back. 

When Wei Wuxian complains, Lan Wangji silences him, which is literally the most boss move he could have used on smooth talking Wei Wuxian. 

You tried, Fuckboi.

Would you like to try some more because I think I would like you to try some more

Jiang Cheng is the Better Baby Brother

Sorry, he just is. Wei Wuxian is all about being taken care of and adoring Yanli without actually doing much for her. Jiang Cheng is the one who thinks about her feelings and giving her what she needs, even to the point of arranging that wedding rehearsal dinner so she can be with her favorite brother again -- the favorite who isn’t him, much as she also loves him. 

Date Test 1: Can You Get In.

Once Wei Wuxian is definitely gone, Lan Wangji shows up again and collects the entire retinue, guaranteeing that Wei Wuxian will be stranded outside the gate when he gets back.  LWJ doesn’t wait by the gate; he goes and waits up on the roof instead of going to bed or whatever else he’s supposed to be doing. Because he already knows the route Wei Wuxian will be taking. 

Wei Wuxian passes the “get in through the wards” test with no problem besides a minor headache and bent fingers. 

Is that Xiao Zhan’s hand or did they use a double-jointed hand model?

Date Test 2: Fight Me (Lan Wangji’s Combat Playbook)

As soon as Wei Wuxian shows up on the roof, Lan Wangji picks a fight with him. 

LWJ fights all the time; he’s perfectly comfortable when he’s fighting and it’s a good venue for him to express himself. His style is graceful and aggressive. 

Attack attack attack strike a pose, vogue, you know it.  

He starts by going all in on swordplay, but that doesn’t gain him the advantage; Wei Wuxian fends him off without ever drawing his sword. Which is probably the hottest thing that has ever happened to Lan Wangji in his young life.

Do you like me better when I’m horizontal? 

Next Lan Wangji deploys the pettiness by breaking WWX’s wine. Then when Wei Wuxian starts insulting him he upgrades to next level pettiness by dropping another silence spell, this time with the added bonus of preventing WWX from drinking. 

Wei Wuxian’s Combat Playbook, Redux

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is running his own fight routine, starting with a charm attack, which doesn’t work at all. 

Are you admiring the moon? 

He keeps trying to de-escalate for the first phase of their fight, until they reach a pause and he reflects that Lan Wangji has real skills. As soon as he makes that determination he goes on the offensive - with words. 

He very formally says he’s too busy to continue fighting, and turns away, which is a pretty solid roast when you say it to someone who’s been trying really hard to kick your ass. Then he continues defending easily until Lan Wangji uses the wine against him. 

At this point the gloves come off, with Lan Wangji lecturing Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian making ad hominem attacks, Lan Wangji forcibly shutting him up... 

...and then throwing him on the floor in front of Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen. 

Sincere Grief for the Death of our Colleague

Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen feel really bad for their disciple who has been horribly turned into an undead creature. Ha ha j/k

Date Test 3: Face the Authorities

Lan Wangji gets to pick Wei Wuxian’s punishment.  This probably won’t awaken anything in him. 

Surprise surprise, Wei Wuxian actually passes the Authority test with flying colors. Lan Qiren doesn’t like him, but listens respectfully to his thoughts about the undead cultivator. And Lan Xichen clearly does like him.

When Wei Wuxian learns that Lan Wangji was nice to his sister, his entire demeanor changes, to such an enormous degree that Lan Wangji starts to run away.

He’s not going to let this boy (who has passed all the tests oh no he passed all the tests) make out with him in front of his family like he is obviously planning. 

But once again, Wei Wuxian’s cultivation knowledge captures Lan Wangji’s attention and breaks through his reserve. 

This Hardy Boys moment is the beginning of their cultivation partnership.

Lan Wangji is brave but is extremely constrained: by the authorities in his life and by his own rigid reserve. Wei Wuxian is brave and is also free. His companionship gives Lan Wangji an opportunity to engage with a much broader range of the things that interest him than he’s ever had before. 

After Wei Wuxian has been sent to bed, Lan Wangji stands outside and -- just as WWX had suggested at the beginning of their date/fight -- admires the moon, with an expression that’s anything but upset. 

Sure, sex is cool (probably), but have you ever analyzed a walking corpse with a beautiful boy in the moonlight?

If you’ve got your true honey Life can be pretty funny If you've got money, money to burn Rooty toot toot for the moon It's the biggest star I've ever seen

The Fine-as-Hell Brothers

Alone together, Lans Xichen and Wangji talk over the various things on their minds. 

Xichen: What the fuck is up with you? ...Rooftop fights and dropping spells on boys?

Wangji: You and uncle were ignoring me so I was making my own fun

Xichen: Yeah, we are dealing with this zombie situation; shit’s going to hit the fan

Wangji: what are you going to do about it?

Xichen: fuck-all

Wangji: Well, you can rely on me

Xichen: I totally do. So how about you get to know this Wei kid, he seems like a fun ride.

Wangji: *death glare*

Xichen: You know, since Dad died you’ve become even more uptight. I wonder if I’ve been too strict with you?

Wangji: Um, you think? 3000 fucking rules, dude. Fortunately I’m not going to go off the rails and fall in love with my polar opposite and cause havoc in the cultivation world or anything like that.

Xichen: good, me neither

Outtro

Writing prompt: Lan Xichen’s secret nightly letter to his Mom’s memory or spirit (your choice), in which he confides in her about his day. May be written in flute solo form. 

(As always if you use this prompt feel free to post a link to your fic in comments!)

Soundtrack: 1. This Is The Day by The The  2.  Bela Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus 3. Rooty Toot Toot for the Moon, Greg Brown version 4. Madonna, Vogue

Bonus: FineAsHell-Jun

Episode 04 Restless Rewatch coming soon!

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #wangxian #chen qing ling #c-drama #the untamed spoilers #the untamed gifs #the untamed stills #my gifs #my stills #restless rewatch #restless rewatch the untamed #wei wuxian #lan xichen #lan wangji #jin zixuan #rooty toot toot for the moon #cql #bl drama #the untamed memes

[nerdgenie]

Can we talk about Marina for a sec? Can someone please help me understand her. She was in a tough spot. I completely understood her when she was so vehemently against being married to the old rich guy. Her wanting to trap Colin, poor Colin, but sure, do what you gotta do girl. I was onboard up until:

Colin wanted to do the right thing and marry her instead of going at it in that study. Colin is a precious bean. Things were tricky for Marina, but I felt so bad for Colin who was so genuine.

She told Penelope that Penelope would never be that girl guys like Colin will love. WTF??? Penelope at this point has been nothing but a friend to her so what.the.actual.fuck

Penelope outed Marina. Pen was petty and vicious. What Pen did was low. She ruined Marina in a society where a woman's reputation is all she had. At the same time, any consequences Marina may suffer are entirely her own doing. No one forced her hand to have sex. She wasn't tricked into it. It was true love. It was pure. She knew what sex was. It was her choice. She was the one who insisted on seducing Colin. Again, her choice. If a woman is applauded for being strong enough to make and fight for her own choices, why should we turn around and blame Penelope and society and everyone else BUT the woman who made those choices as the ones who caused her to suffer the consequences? I don't agree with Pen's actions, but I don't empathize with Marina either. I don't like characters who don't own up to their actions.

Also, she knew the society she existed it. I hardly think tricking someone into something as life altering as what she was planning to do with Colin a revolutionary act. You don't fight oppression by turning around and doing something vile to someone who had been nothing but kind to you.

Sir Philip. Okay, what was her problem with Sir Philip? She said she was going to seduce Colin because Colin is young and attractive compared to revolting old dude. Fine. I'm not one to judge a woman's taste in men. I thirst for the conventionally hot and sexy too, and there is no shame in that. Anyway, I digress. The Colin plan obviously did not work out. Enter Sir Philip. Sir Philip is not Colin hot but not revolting old dude either. Plus, he seemed like a genuinely good guy. So if the goal was to find a husband and unsuspecting surrogate dad for her baby who is not a revolting old dude, what was so wrong with Sir Philip? Why was he revolting too?

Which brings me to my next confusion about this whole Marina thing. Was she in love with Colin then? If so, the whole seducing plan is not right on so many levels.

#bridgerton #marina #what is her last name #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington

[littlemessyjessi]

How They’d Be As Mukbangers:  Harry Potter Characters

How They'd Be As YouTube Mukbangers

James: Every video has a theme.   Like, I'm not even playing.   Holidays?  All kinda of holiday themed food.  Quidditch World Cup coming up?   Things inspired by the country of his favorite team.   Just a random day?  Everything is blue.   He's that type of way.

Sirius:  If a mukbanger was a thirst trap.  I could easily see him really getting into.  Dark background, black gloves, aesthetic as fuck and like, he doesn't even talk.  He just sits there, looks hot and somehow makes eating looking incredibly sexy.  And he fucking knows it.   Bitch also one hundred percent rolls his eyes back when it hits his taste buds.  Licks his lips and his fingers.  Takes way too big of bites.   Most people would say it's cringy how sexual his videos are...but everyone is secret subscribed anyway.  With notifications on.

Remus:  This goes one of two ways.  If he's in a good mood and things are chill, he'll find a recipe, make it to the mother fucking 't' and then have a little mukbang slash review on said recipe.  Nice lil chat.  Sweet tol bean.   Precious. If it's near the full moon there ain't none of that.  Ya boy, brings in his monstrous plate of food, sits it down and just tears into like a fucking beast, no talking.  Just nom nom nom.  Unintentionally thirst traps and people opening talk about when Remus goes beast mode.  

Peter:  Candy and sweets channel! Small mukbangs with reviews from different candies from Honeydukes!

Lily:  Lol, Lilypad.  She ain't playing around.  Her videos are planned out, edited and just generally finessed to perfection.  Even had music added to it with tiny vlog segments as it's set up.  It's a little pretentious but she does have a good following.

Marlene:   This bitch.  Fucking competitive eating queen.  Tiny ass lil ho can eat you under the table, bro.   Think RainaIsCrazy on YouTube.  She can fucking smash.  Usually does eating challenges from different resteraunts and competitions.  Often, challenges Remus on his wild days.   He's a beast but she still wipes the floor with him.  

Dorcas:  The collab.  Dorcas always has good food and good company.  She's all about sharing a meal with someone and talking about random things.

Alice and Frank:  The couple channel.  It's generally filled with so much fucking cute and the food is always tasty.  It's sickening they feed each other but you also can't help but awww.

Molly Prewett/Weasley:   Family recipes.   Molly's channel are tried and true recipes from the Prewett family.  Cook with me and tons of kitchen life hacks.  Also, that woman can turn a ham sandwhich into a full course meal. Bet.   Always taste tested by Daddy Weasley.  Yes, I said Daddy Weasley.  

Lucius Malfoy:  The most pretentious fucking channel to ever exist.  It's a whole fucking production that admittedly he does put a lot of work into.   Somewhat thirst trappy like Sirius' but instead of just having a plain black background he goes out of his way to shove as much of his manor into.   Only eats the most expensive food fucking on the planet and of course, it's prepared by House elves cause he's a twit.  (Yes, I know this is Thranduil but honestly wouldn’t put it past Lucius to be this fucking pretentious.) 

Severus Snape:  Actually pretty solid content.  His exquisite skills in potions actually made him a rather good chef.   Tasteful shots, edited well with music over everything and subtitles.   Simply audio for the eat portion at the end.  Nothing too fancy for the background.  Often just a very clean kitchen. Solid content though.

The Black Sisters: Mass chaos.  Part vlog, part drama channel, half the time the food never even gets finished because of fights.  

Bill Weasley:  The Traveler.   A lot of egyptian food.  Some made by hand.  Some vlogs from street food while he's out just generally doing his job.   Short videos but solid.  He's hot and he picks good food.  It works for him.

Charlie Weasley:  This extra ass bitch.  He's the bitch that does all that outdoor cooking.  You know what I mean.   Shots in the woods, roaring fire.  Lit by a precious dragon child no doubt.  Dragons lounging in the background like those bitches who always have their dogs there.  Yes, I'm jealous.  Close up shots of him cutting things on a custom wood cutting board. Everything he makes causes your mouth to water.  God damn, scarred, freckle faced bastard just gobbles it up and ends every fucking video with a wink.   Charlie Weasley is the ultimate thirst trap and he fucking knows it.

Percy:  Percy's channel could be epic but instead is boring as fuck.  Why?  Because he insist on having the most snooze worthy meals that are 'sensible' and THEN he proceeds to talk about politics.   He actually had a pretty decent following of other like minded individuals but my god- politics and porridge, Percy?  Really?

However, once he chills the fuck out, leaves the ministry to do something else - it’s a game changer.  Brings the family on for mukbangs.  Does videos with mummy weasley.  Percy grows his hair out and Bill teases him for being a copy cat.  Much better.  Still talks politics but it’s fucking hiliarous and now the food is poppin. 

Fred and George:  Alright, this shit right here.   Every fucking bit of it is a self promo for the shop.  Meals inspired by and that would go well paired with 'this product'.  Like, that's the whole thing.  And then they run an add for their shop at the end featuring the product.  It works for them because they're smart, they're hot and they're also wildly entertaining with their constantly sibling squabbling. But yeah.  Big promo for the shop.

Ron Weasley: Honestly, out of everyone.   Ron probably has the most followers and it's because he doesn't say shit while he's eating. He sits down with a massive fucking turkey.  Nods at the camera and just tears it up.   It's literally so satisfying.  All the food is prepared by his mother.  So it's obviously fantastic. ( I just had to use this gif.) 

Ginny:   Gin's channel is usually team building videos with the Harpies.  'Cheat Day: Vlog and Mukbang w/the Harpies' type of vibes.  It's cool though and since it's a famous quidditch team the fans enjoy the behind the scenes action and actually drop all kinds of recipes for them to try in the future.

Hermione:  Hermione could easily veer off into Percy's channel of misery when she gets started on her rants but mostly they're really chill videos.  Mukbang and Book Review type of vibe.  Or sometimes even the playing of an audio book while she does her thing.  All in all, wholesome.

Harry:  Lol, I swear.  Fucking awkward bean.   Harry's videos are literally of him making the simplest of things and being so fucking awkward. "Er, well, hi guys.  So I'm about to head out for work.  Running a bit late.  But we're having a bit of toast and jam."  Like it's literally just little videos of him eating whatever throughout the day.  But of course, since he's Harry Fucking Potter- his follower count is astronomical.  

Neville:  Now, this boy.  This boy is a goblincore gobbo's wet dream.  Gardening videos with homegrown veg.  Recipes from Grandmother.   Have a nice Veggie Pot Pie with Professor Longbottom in the Hogwarts Greenhouse.  There is a fanbase and it is huge.  

Luna: Honestly, the weirdest fucking channel in the world.  Like she finds the weirdest things to eat and goes from there.  But Luna is bae so it's cool.  Also, a thousand percent does Smoke Sesh + Mukbang videos.  You know it's true.

Dean and Seamus:  Literally, eating in the most crowded pubs as they visit football games around the country.  Seamus will definitely pull the Irish card from time to time to have a drinking competition.  He wins everytime.  He may be a little dude but shit- homie can hold his own.

Cedric:  Honestly, it's so fucking pure.   Straight up did videos during his time at Hogwarts in the Hogwarts kitchen.  Such kind little conversations with the house elves.  "Hey, guys.  Thanks for coming back to another video.  Today we're making some really tasty biscuits.  Whispy, one of the talented bakers here in the kitchens, is here to help us today so please say hello to her in the comments."  He'll also always make extra and leave them in the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to enjoy.  Like, it's honestly so pure and he's such a soft boi and oh my fucking geeeeeeerrrrrrdddd!!!!!

Draco: Actually takes it really seriously and put a lot of hard work into it.   Nothing like his father's ego-tistical recipes.   Surprisingly, every. single. recipe. is a muggle recipe.  How would he know?  Because he cross referenced with Granger of course.  Cooks it himself.   No magic.  Lots of random talks.  Just like a monologue of things and it gets kinda deep sometimes.   Like, it's the channel to go to when you need advice that you didn't even know that you needed.   Still eats incredibly proper.   It's that pureblood raising of his.  Old habits die hard.

Tonks:  Pure chaos.  "Hey, today we're having Mum's homemade lasagna and I'm also getting a new tattoo.  Might dye my hair.  Don't really need to since I can do this  but whatever. So yeah, there's that.  Like it's just all over the place and you'd think it would take but the chaos is too good not to watch.  Literally gives herself beaks and snouts while she eats.  It's iconic.

Dumbledore: Mother fucker just sits at his desk, stares straight into the camera and eats a lemon drop.  Like a weirdo.  The video usually no more than a minute and each video is just some variation of that.  Meme lord.

Hagrid:  Tea With Hagrid.  Also, so the recipes suck, they too, but Hagrid is a peach and it's relaxing to see his gentle half giant there in his hut, pumpkin patch out the window and Fang laying by the fire.  It's a mood and he's just like the comforting Dad figure. 

McGonagall:  Honestly the best one in the entire world.  She makes a full course traditional Scottish breakfast... and then transforms into her animagus the cat...and promptly knocks it off the table.   A fucking legend.

------------------------------

Please attack the ask box!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

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Love, Kenny

#harry potter character headcanons #harry potter fandom #harry james potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #the weasleys #mukbang headcanons #hogwarts #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #lily evans #severus snape #lucius malfoy #draco malfoy #the black series #weasley twins #percy weasley #charlie weasley #molly weasley #molly prewett #frank and alice longbottom #neville longbottom #ginny weasley #bill weasley #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #alice fortescue #luna lovegood

[metalbatandzenko]

What kind of social media presence do you think the OPM characters would have?

Oh my god I love this.

Blast: Has a verified instagram. Has never posted. Does not follow anyone. Still has like. 3.2M followers.

Tatsumaki: Has a public twitter and a secret pinterest. Her twitter is mostly the occasional selfie or update on monsters she’s fighting. She will occasionally talk shit about the Hero Association on her public twitter. She has 14.7M followers. They love the drama. Her pinterest is a lot of aesthetic pictures, quotes and romantic movie scenes.

Fubuki: Has an instagram that is immaculately curated. It’s very clean looking. She posts thirst traps to her stories, and people lose their minds. She just cracked 1M followers.

Bang: Surprisingly adept at Youtube. Uploads weekly guided meditation videos, and has a few basic self-defense videos. He’s got 800k subscribers, and a pretty active online fanbase. The go grandpa jokes are rampant.

Bomb: One of his disciples got him a snapchat, and now he snapchats nonstop. He also has an instagram, but he has it on private, and treats it like a normal person’s instagram. He still has 20k followers though. Makes regular appearances on Bang’s channel. He often acts as Bang’s sparring partner for self defense videos.

Atomic Samurai: FACEBOOK. He’s like a mix of those wine moms who post minion memes nonstop and your uncle who won’t stop posting memes that make you kind of wince because they’re like. Lowkey offensive. People keep Ok Boomering him. He’s mad because he’s not that old.

Iaian: Has a tumblr where he posts poetry/lit analysis. He’s surprisingly popular and has one of the larger lit analysis accounts, and occasionally gets into beef with other accounts. It’s hilarious. No one knows it’s him though. His account has 37k followers.

Okamaitachi: An INFLUENCER. Has an Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter and a Youtube, and knows how to use them all. Super curated (main) instagram feed. Posts regularly to her story. Probably has like. 1.8M followers. Her tumblr is pretty standard. She’s anonymous on there, and her account is pretty small. Her twitter is mainly her tweeting about stupid shit the disciples/Kamikaze do, and occasionally promoting her Youtube channel. She’s got 900k followers. Her youtube channel is a makeup/fashion channel. She’s got her go to look and style, but she’s super versatile. She’s even gotten the other disciples and Kami to come on for a lot of her videos. She just hit 1M subscribers.

Bushidrill: Doesn’t have social media, are you kidding me? Dude’s probably got the OPM equivalent of a Nokia let’s be real kjhgkjdf

Child Emperor: Has a science youtube channel where he explains different scientific phenomenons, and shows DIY experiments. He’s got 8M followers. He also has a twitter and is just a complete ray of sunshine on it. His feed is entirely fun facts and questions about people’s favorite color, book recommendations, etc. He’s got 11M followers on it.

Metal Knight: Spends all his time on Reddit. This one is self explanatory.

King: Also spends time on Reddit, but isn’t like, a jerk about it. He has a tumblr dedicated to gaming and anime. No one knows it’s him. He has like. 72 followers. He’s also popular as a twitch streamer, though he wears a mask to hide his identity. He’s in like their top 2% of creators.

Zombieman: Got a twitter because Child Emperor asked him to. He only follows about half of the S Class (and Mumen Rider) on Twitter because he’s petty and wants to start drama so he can feel something. Never tweets, just retweets Child Emperor and occasionally tweets making fun of Amai Mask. Posts the occasional thrust trap which CE finds mortifying. Still has 5.2M followers.

Drive Knight: Zero social media. The Hero Association has enough information on him as is, thank you very much.

Pig God: He’s a really popular twitch streamer! Him and King actually collaborate sometimes, though PG doesn’t know it’s King. He also has an instagram where he posts solely pictures of pigeons. No one knows why. 

Superalloy Darkshine: Has a fitness instagram, youtube account, and twitter. But he’s like the positive guy! His instagram is full of encouragement, body positivity/self love, and affordable small changes to implement to do things like up Omega 3 intake. He’s got 2.4M followers on ig. His twitter is similar, but he’ll occasionally tweet things like “Was feeling down today. Then I remembered how much I’ve improved since yesterday! Never give up! Every day you are a new person!”. He’s good and soft. His twitter has 4.3M followers. His youtube is just as upbeat. He’s got workout videos ranging from beginner to advanced, and has a lot on explaining how to build up strength and endurance, or modify fitness excercises to be easier or more challenging. He’s got 1.2M subscribers. Recently got into tiktok, but he hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet.

WDM: Has a instagram. Posts the same pic every day. Still has 1.3M followers. Also has a twitter bot that just posts variations of “woof boof” every day. He still has 887k followers there.

Flashy Flash: Has a twitter and instagram. He mostly goes on twitter to vague people, but will occasionally post an obvious thirst trap. He’s got 7.3M followers. His instagram is pretty curated, but it’s solely pictures of him looking super glamorous. He has 800k followers on there.

Speed of Sound Sonic: Has an anonymous twitter he uses to badger Genos. He’d badger Saitama, but Saitama doesn’t have any social media. Genos just thinks he’s another creep and blocks him. He also has a pinterest where he pins pictures of black clothing and MCR lyrics.

Genos: Has a twitter and instagram, though his instagram is private. He shares “wisdom” on twitter. People think he’s shitposting. He’s not. He has 9.8M followers from trying to spread sensei’s wisdom.

Saitama: Does not have any social media. Occasionally shows up in the background of one of Genos’ rare photos on twitter.

Metal Bat: A Tiktok star. Him and Zenko make dancing videos and skits, and they get over a million plays every time. He started a youtube channel back when he was 14, but just started posting vlogs, sibling challenges, and prank videos to it again. He’s up to 2.3M subscribers. His twitter is a combo of him publicly beefing with the Hero Association and celebrities, and him just. Fucking tweeting out random shit like “do you think geese can actually read minds and we just don’t know it because we don’t speak goose” at 3am. He’s got 7.9M followers. No one knows if he’s serious or not.

Tank Top Master: Has a joint account on twitter with all his bros. The TankTopArmy twitter has 2.1M followers. He also has a youtube that’s pretty similar to Superalloy, and they often collab. He’s at 1.1M subscribers on there.

Puri Puri Prisoner: Has a tumblr. He got really popular on tumblr, but then someone made a calloutpost about him and exposed him as PPP, and he lost a ton of followers. He’s still got 21k followers though.

Garou: Is on his 7th twitter account bc he keeps getting suspended. Uses his twitter to harass the heroes. Also tweets out his hot take on things like controversial food combinations to stir the pot. He’s managed to regain 700k of his original 2.2M followers on this 7th account, but he’ll probably get suspended again before he makes it all the way back.

Amai Mask: Has a twitter and instagram because it is part of his contract. His manager has access to both and manages his ig, which has 47.2M followers. He manages his twitter and occasionally vagues the S Class heroes, but his manager deletes the tweets. But screenshots are forever, and Amai’s got 38M followers on twitter to see his tweets.

Mumen Rider: Has a tumblr and twitter. His tumblr is super popular. It’s like the suggestion/nice message tumblrs. It’s all positivity and kind words, and focuses a lot on self care. He’s got 16k followers on tumblr. His twitter is very similar. There is #MumenNation on twitter. He’s got 4.6M followers, including the majority of the S Class. Even Amai Mask follows him. He’s just a nice guy.

#one punch man #headcanons

[chimtaera]

imagine model namjoon.

ok let’s not kid ourselves

boy’s already a model

he’s got the body.

got the looks.

what can i say, he’s no super model (too clumsy), but he get’s around with the more diverse castings yanno

probably got started on instagram,

with his #kimdaily outfits

which are sometimes just chill, pretty, sporty, casual, cool

and other times completely wacky and just ??? how did you even think to wear those ??? at the same time?? together ???

he always looks good tho

but some looks will give you whiplash. ur warned.

but that’s part of his appeal tbh

hhhh probably gains a lot of popularity when one of those more ‘out there’ outfits circulates on twitter or reddit and people are like “hOW does he make that work??? why does it look good??? is he just that hot??”

the answer is yes.

from there he builds a solid following.

for his great looks, great fashion sense, and his 4am instagram stories that are just a black pic with like a three paragraph text about how rain might feel if it had feelings.

also, solid music recommendations omg 

you probably make ur own spotify playlist with just his recommendations.

ok ok so you best bELIEVE when this boy finally gets cast for a show he’s gonna fall on his ass and go viral

claim to fame baby

probably becomes a meme and rolls with it tbh

like he’ll share the memes in his story, so as not to ruin the ・ﾟ:*aesthetic*:・ﾟand react to them and shit

but then also get on live and talk at length about how faceplanting on the catwalk impacts your self-esteem, how he’s habit he could benefit positively from such an embarrassing moment, and how there’s a lesson for everyone here, and that he hopes all our embarrassing moments may in some way benefit us one day.

he’s such a sweetheart im-

so you might be a stylist?

a hair stylist?

makeup artist?

fellow model?

whatever you’re comfortable with.

you definitely see him on instagram first tho

you came for the memes but are super impressed with his profile and end up staying for the music.

...... and him.

he’s hot, come on.

also 90% of networking is done on instagram these days let us be real.

okay so oNE DAY, or like late evening, who cares

he post a music recommendation and you’re like !!!!!!!!

it’s that low key indie band with like only one EP out that you found on some obscure spotify playlist and you’ve been jamming to since october

and apparently namjoon has too because they’ve released a new single and you didn’t even know ????

and you’re so excited your fingers slip and oopsie you’ve sent a short but rambling message explaining exactly that into his DM’s

instant regret.

then the anxiety bubbles up in you.

and then you calm yourself and convince yourself that he gets a LOT of messages he probably won’t even see yours, so it’s fine it’s fine it’s-

next morning you have a reply

a new follow

and a mcfUCKING LIKE ON A PICTURE OF YOU FROM TWO WEEKS AGO

yikes, you didn’t even have time to give your feed a spring cleaning

you just like his short “ikr!!!!”, too mortified to reply.

alas, the regrets!

but also

the butterflies.

then you see him at an event one time.

it’s fashion week, you’re hecking busy and about to leave because it’s like midnight and you’ve got places to be tomorrow

but it’s always so strange to see people from insta irl like ??? all those dimensions??? you really be lookign like that ??? damn.

once you’ve stared long enough to be certain that’s actually what he looks like (so handome!!! so tall!!!! wtf!!!! who allowed this??) you turn to leave just as he glances up and cetches your eye for like the tiniest fraction of a second

and you hightail it outta there and hope to heaven he doesn’t know you were staring.

but he likes your pic from the party the next morning and you almost choke on your coffee and the lump in your throat stays there all day

and you’re like, am i?? catching feelings ??? for the catwalk faceplant guy??? you’ve never even talked to the man smh

he’s fucking hot tho.

so, fashion week ends and with it comes another party

you can finally relax, celebrate, wind down from the long week.

yA THOUGHT lmao

you’re talking to some designer about their next project and they’re going on about this instagram dude who’s already on board when they start waving someone over like “hey hey, there he is, y/n have you met kim namjoon yet?”

you turn around you’re like !!!!! fuck. he’s so much taller up close.

“hey, no, yeah, no, but i’ve seen you on, uh, on instagram. i think.” smooth, y/n.

after introductions, the designer gets pulled along into some other conversation and you and namjoon are kinda awkward for a minute.

you just sip your drink like ‘fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck aaaaaaa’

but then he asks you easy questions about what you do and what you’ve been working on this week and it’s the same thing you’ve been talking about with everyone you’ve met this week so it goes pretty smoothly

he makes it easy for you, like he’s very attentive, nods along enthusiastically asking follow-up questions and seems genuinely interested in your work it’s so nice! he’s so nice!

and you ask him the same things you’ve asked everyone else this week like you haven’t seen everything on his instagram already.

actually you’ve missed a few things since you’ve been so busy and your interest is genuine, before you know it the two of you are at a table and getting along like a house on fire, showing each other pics from the week.

he asks you send him a pic from one of the shows he didn’t get to see and when he do he’s sees your old messages and is like ?? oh !!

i mean, he totally knew it was you, but he had forgotten the part about that obscure indie band and the new single, so he shows you!

you’ve been following them even closer since then so you know they’re playing a gig in like two weeks and you tell him.

turns out he’s missed this info because of fashion week and he’s super excited!! you guys have to go together!!!¨

“i mean, we don’t have to- it’s just, i don’t know anyone else who listens to them, i could probably go alone, but, you know, it would be cool-”

and of course you’ll go with him, so you two exchange numbers and end up texting the next two weeks.

at first you’re just making tentative plans to meet and go to to the gig, but then there’s a gallery opening the same day, and you know this realy good thrift shop nearby that he should check out, and you guys should get dinner before because namjoon knows this really cool place and-

and it’s a date.

namjoon has every intention to kiss you that night after the gig, but he wants to ask you first and he’s not sure exactly how so he’s just like “um ??? can i ??? uhhh ?? do you ??? uh”

and ur like, “hey, namjoon, i really want u to kiss me, please?”

the rest is history.

you two are too cute, with your instagram aesthetic and lowkey couple outfits, and highkey couple pics, i’d follow.

you two would be gOALS, and it does wonders for both your careers tbh

omg imagine all the cool collaborations you two could do.

and eventually namjoon would go viral again when the paparazzi captures him spilling his coffee and your cute reaction.

but the best thing about dating model namjoon is he makes you your very own playlist.

and you get your very own story highlight with all the aesthetic pics he snaps of you just like buying milk and stealing his fries, and exploring the city on sundays afternoons, going vintage shopping and reading in the park, titled: “bae.” with every colour heart.

hyping each other in the comments always.

and the thirst omg

anyway, nsfw under the cut.

so you take it kinda slow at first because turns out namjoon has a huge crush on you and he lowkey can’t keep his hands off you but also wants to “date you properly”, whatever that means.

props to you if you get impatient with him and tease him a little, a thirst trap here, a netflix and chill there, sending a sexy song his way, or even better post it on your story for him to see.

if it doesn’t provoke him to action it’ll at least get him hard flustered, which is cute.

in the end joon is a soft boy and you can sit up all night talking, so you end up talking about sex long before having it.

and that just makes it all the more special tbh

and when it does happen, it’s like everything else the two of you do, a little awkward at first, a little clumsy, fumbly, but a lot of fun, and it’s namjoon, and you love namjoon. so, so much.

like it doesn’t matter if he accidentally bumps your nose, because he’ll apologise and the two of you will just giggle and continue. 

and he might pull your hair on accident, but that way you can admit to him that it’s.. kinda hot.

and when your teeth collide when you kiss it’s only because any amount of distance between you quickly becomes unbearable, and you both need each other so, so much.

imagine slow, lazy sunday morning snuggle fuck with namjoon.

and then later when you’re on a blanket in the park reading both your books he’ll get distracted, thinking about it, lean in close and tell you something ridiculous like he wishes you would wake him up by sitting on his face.

and imagine backstage heavy petting after a show, leaving the afterparty early, because you’re both buzzing with unrelieved tension and namjoon is very hard in his pants, pressing himself against you as you try to have a polite conversation with some influencer.

love, love, loooooves, watching you ride.

and he’ll go down on you for hours if you let him, honestly.

anytime, anywhere tbh

how did you get so lucky?

#namjoon smut #namjoon scenario #namjoon #namjoon imagine #bts scenarios #bts smut #BTS au #bts imagines #bts reactions #kpop smut #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop imagines