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ponderingmoonlight · 9 months

Text

Lies in the dark

Pairing: boyfriend!Gojo x reader

Word Count: 3,8k

Synopsis: You received pictures of Satoru cheating on you, his longtime girlfriend, with other women. Completely heartbroken you leave him without hearing his side of the story. After weeks of drowning yourself in alcohol, the two of you meet again at Jujutsu High.

Warnings: cheating, language, use of alcohol/drugs, hurt

Your foot tabs against the floor while you wait for his puny figure to arrive in the doorframe. By now it’s far after midnight, actually you are dead tired from all the crying and thinking. But this can’t wait.

“Oh, what a pleasant surprise! I didn’t expect you to be awake this late!”

There he stands, casually taking off his blindfold while blessing you with his best cheeky grin. Satoru’s sight alone makes your gut twist in anger and disgust. He really has some nerves to welcome you like that after all he has done.

“You’re pretty late.”

Your voice sounds so cold that Gojo’s blood freezes in his veins. His smile is washed away in an instant, he has never seen you like this. Has something happened? Are you upset for some reason?

“Why do you look like someone died? I’m home, sweet thing!”

Your emotionless eyes glare at him through the darkness of the apartment. Damn, how could you fall for him and his stupid little game? Did you really believe him when he told you that you are the only one, the one and only woman in his life? Fuck, you were so dumb. Too stupid to realize that it isn’t work that makes him come home this late at night. Your mind is numb to the feeling of being betrayed, it isn’t the first time that you get screwed. But you thought that Satoru is somehow different, that he values your feeling more. Well, so much for that.

“Maybe you’re so late because you were with her, huh?”

He glances at you like he has to think about your words, eyebrows narrowed.

“Who do you mean exactly? Mei is out of town. Oh, I visited Shoko because she patched a student back together, but that was in the afternoon. Or was it? I don’t remember exactly…“

Enough of that bullshit. You don’t offer him any more words, instead you just throw your phone at him. The phone that reveals countless messages about meetings, fucking and mocking with other women, pictures of him caressing their basic faces in the way you knew all too well, giving them the affection late at night that you craved so much. And then the words of the woman that called you earlier…

“When he called me sweet thing I thought I was the only one for him until I saw you two on the streets the other day. He never mentioned he had a girlfriend!”

“I began investigating and as it seems, he had a thing with many other women as well. I’ll send you screenshots of every conversation we’ve had the last couple months.”

Sweet thing. The thought of him using your nickname for other woman makes you want to break down and cry. But even though your heart is shattered into a million little pieces, you refuse to gift him a single tear. No, he doesn’t deserve your agony. He doesn’t deserve to see the feelings you have for him. Instead, you just stare at him with blank eyes while sitting in your chair and watching his blue orbs widen in shock.

“(y/n)”, he breathes out, gaze wandering from the screen to you.

“Let me explain-“

“No need to explain anything. I don’t care about how much I liked you and wished this wasn’t true. I told you I’ll leave you alone if you make me feel this way. And I’m fucking leaving, Gojo. Don’t you dare follow me. Y’know, I’m not your backup plan, good luck with whatever you got going on.”

With a swift motion, you lift yourself off the chair and grab your already packed suitcase.

“You can’t leave without hearing my side! I never cheated on yo-“

“Might be true that there’s always two sides to a story. Fuck your weak ass side tho. I’m done here.”

Heels clicking against the hard floor underneath your feet, you confidently cross the room and expand yourself in front of him. Satoru’s huge frame blocks the door, you can’t just get past him. But you need to get out of this apartment filled with dreadful memories and your shattered hopes as soon as possible before you have a complete breakdown.

“I’m serious Gojo.”

“It’s baby for you.”

“Bet she calls you that too. Get away from the door, we are done.”

“(y/n), hear me out”, his form moves towards you, like a predator approaching its prey.

No, you can’t. You don’t want him to get that close to you. You can’t stand him near you.

“Stay away from me”, you choke out, arms wrapped around yourself in a desperate attempt to console your own aching heart.

“I loved you for 8 years, 8 fucking years Satoru! I gave you everything I had and you trampled on that by fucking another woman so basic that I want to throw up. I have nothing more to say to you, it’s enough that I have to endure the sight of you at every damn meeting of jujutsu sorcerers. Now get.out.of.the.way.”

Your cruel words make even Satoru’s heart jump in agony, his shaky breath fills the air. Do you really want to break up with him without giving him the chance to explain himself? He has so much to say, so much to clarify. Fuck, he could end all this madness and your suffering. But it doesn’t matter. He has no choice but to let you go for the moment. Satoru knows you well enough to be aware of the fact that you won’t listen to him in your wrath, always suborn and confident. Apart from that, he himself has no idea who sent these messages to you and where these pictures come from. He has to investigate the matter first before he can face you again. As much as his whole body struggles against it, he takes a step to the side in order to let you go for the moment.

“I love you with all my heart and I’ll do anything to prove that you are the only one for me.”

Boom.

You close the door behind you noisily. Enough of that lying. You stumble into the fresh air of the night, tears pooling your eyes and taking away your sight. Get a hotel, take a hot shower, turn off your phone. Get over the fact that your boyfriend of 8 fucking years cheated on you, get over the fact that your relationship ended in the foulest way. God, it hurts so bad that you want to break down in the middle of the street, your numb limbs still in shock. But you need to get going. After all, you are a grade 1 sorcerer, everyone counts on your abilities. And a man who doesn’t value you shouldn’t be the reason you forget yourself and your aspiration. _________________________________________________________

Hey girl, need a ride to Jujutsu High? Meeting up in 15 min

You sign at the message of Mei on your phone. It’s been three weeks. Three weeks without seeing Satoru’s cheating face, three weeks in which he called you at least 10 times a day, three weeks of constant crying in the pillows of random hotels and filling yourself up with alcohol at clubs around the town. You feel like crap and look even worse from time to time. But today, you have to get yourself together. For the sake of your job, for the other people you care about like Mei and Nanami. Do all of them know what happened? Probably not, you only told Mei about it and Satoru would hardly admit that he cheated on you multiple times.

Do I really have to?

Your white uniform lies untouched in your suitcase, memories of last mission flood your mind. You were with him, laughing, playing, clapping the asses of multiple curses all at once. Everything was fine, everything was great. Life can change so quickly.

Of course you have to, dumbass.

But you have no other choice. With trembling fingers, you put on the white dress with long sleeves and cut outs that emphasize your curves so well and caught the attention of Satoru first. It fits a little looser than usual. Well, given the fact that you mostly live on drinks that’s no surprise. You put on your round sunglasses to hide the dark circles under your eyes which can be no longer covered by makeup and brush through your hair a few times. Admittedly, you look better than the last few weeks, but definitely worse than usual.

Your cream colored heels click against the marble floor of the hotel lobby as you walk outside, Mei’s car already waiting for you.

“You look better than I thought”, she comments when you sit beside her.

“Thanks I guess, gold digger.”

She gives you a small smile before her eyes get serious again.

“I’m here for you today, ‘kay? Might hire someone who kills him though…”

“You would spend money for me? Damn, you must really like me Mei”, you remark sarcastically.

“I’d do anything for you girl. Let’s get this over with, huh?”

The journey goes by far too quickly for your taste, fingertips already shaking at the thought of seeing his stupid pretty face again. What was he doing all this time? Your gut twists in agony. Probably went out with his other women, what else? Do you seriously think he missed you? That breakup doubtless hurt you ten times more than him. His face will wear the same stupid grin as always, his words will sound just as irresponsible as usual. Everything stays the same. Except for the fact that you aren’t by his side anymore.

“God, since when is this ass so punctual”, Mei hisses.

And there he stand, wearing his sunglasses and uniform, leaned against the doorframe while he probably drives Utahime mad with his mocking. Suddenly you are out of breath, lungs refusing their service as your eyes fill with salty tears again. No, you can’t cry now. You were so cool when you left him. He doesn’t deserve your tears or to see your pain. His cheating ass isn’t worth your throbbing.

“Keep it cool”, Mei speaks out with low voice.

Yes, you need to keep it cool. Straighten your back, swing your hips, show him that you don’t care about him at all.

“What’s up everyone”, you snort out, hand resting against your hips while eyeing everyone except Satoru.

“Wow, you’re early. Since when do you come on time?”, Nanami dryly responses.

“Why so rude, Kento? I thought you’d be happy to see me again, we are best friends since school after all!”

“You are a pain in the ass, (y/n).”

Fuck, you can feel his eyes almost eating you up. Your cheeks begin to burn just by the thought of it.

“Are you alright, (y/n)? You look a little thinner than last time”, Utahime comments, turning away from Satoru.

You swallow hard, panic rises inside your chest. For the first time, you don’t want everyone’s attention on you. Come on, just that meeting. An hour and you’re rid of him, an hour and you’re holed up in a random club again.

“You’d lose some weight too if you were me, Utahime. Now stop looking at my perfect ass and get going.”

Your remark catches everyone off guard, especially Satoru and his guilty conscience. For your standards, you look absolutely horrible and your answers have lost their bite. You are just the shell of yourself that slightly smells like alcohol.

“Hey, if there’s something going on…You know we can talk, right?”, Nanami discretely murmurs into your ear, worry lines draw his face.

“Thanks man, I don’t need anybody but myself though.”

And with that, you turn on your heels and walk through the door. Away from his hungry sight, away from their annoying questions. One damn meeting to get over with. One.damn.meeting.

“You look like shit”, Masamichi notes dryly while watching you sit down.

“Stop being so fucking annoying or I’ll quit”, you bark back, glaring at him through the shade of your glasses.

“What’s up your ass, (y/n)? You’re annoying as hell, but in another way. Are you alright?”

You can’t take it anymore. All the questions and fucking looks. As if the slight change of your appearance is the only thing that’s interesting at the moment. Yeah, you are as fine as you can be, on the brick of tears, mind racing just by the thought of Satoru looking your direction, let alone talk to you. But that’s none of anyone’s business. If you have to repeat one more time what happened a few weeks ago you’ll probably break down.

“Stop asking questions and get this meeting over with, I’m not payed enough to be here”, Mei interrupts and positions herself beside you.

It’s all a blur. The words that come out of his mouth seem to fade away before hitting your ear. All you can think about is Satoru who sits towards you, eyes darted on your figure. You don’t have to look at him to be aware of the fact that he is eyeing you up and down, waiting for a chance to talk to you.

Over the last couple of weeks, he tried to call you multiple times, not scared by the fact that you blocked him on every possible communication way the slightest. Why does he have to keep rubbing salt in the wound? The moment your phone rings and his name appears on the screen, you relive the fateful moment of realization over and over again, imagining him fucking another woman mercilessly while you sit at home and wait for him to come back. You know that you are too good for that, that the best thing you could do was leaving his cheating ass as soon as possible. But in your lonely nights when returning from a random club after talking to random strangers you find yourself lying in bed and cry your heart out over the relationship you thought was the best thing that could have happened to you.

“(y/n)?”

“Ayo, you there?”, Mei murmurs into your ear and punches your arms slightly.

You have to blink the pain away, still consumed by Gojo’s presence. Your heart skips a beat. Was someone talking to you?

“I just wish I was somewhere else”, you mutter, eyes directed to the ground.

Fuck, you feel like crying all over again. Why does it have to hurt this bad? Why does he have to be here, eying you up and down as if you were his prey? Why did he have to cheat on you and destroy the live you built together? All of that isn’t fair. You shouldn’t be sitting here, running on drinks with a few hours of sleep a week and a bleeding heart while he seems to be just fine. Your conscience shouldn’t weigh on you when you’re talking to a guy while Satoru is fucking his way through the world.

“(y/n)?”

Your name out of his sinful mouth makes your gut turn in disgust, you feel like throwing up.

“Get my name out of your dirty mouth”, you jeer at him, eyes yanking up to notice that he’s already staring at you with his face all serious.

You can’t take it anymore. With shaky legs you lift yourself up, leaving the room with fast steps. The tears in your eyes start to burn their way through your face and take your sight completely. After all, maybe you aren’t strong enough to simply get over his betrayal. God, you loved Satoru with all your heart. In all these years there was never another guy you even found attractive. You were so loyal, in love and fucking dumb. Too dumb to realize that he in fact does seem to think that you are replaceable.

“Get your ass back in, Gojo. I dare you!”, Mei’s voice threatens from afar.

“(y/n), please hear me out. Give me a chance to explain!”

No, no, no. You can’t bare him near you, let alone hearing your name out of his mouth. You need to leave and never return.

“(y/n)!”

You feel his grip around your left wrist, his touch burning like acid on your highly sensitive skin. God, how often you longed for his touch, to feel his tender fingertips one last time. But this is not right. The thought of his hands caressing you after fondling with other woman makes you want to vomit and burn alive.

“Get your dirty hands off me!”, you cry out, other hand slapping against his cheek at high tempo.

His infinity doesn’t stop your fist from hitting his face with full force. You stare at his motionless figure, breath hanging heavy between the both of you.

“Please, give me a minute to explain. The last few weeks were absolute hell for me and I’ve been dying to see you today.”

Hot tears swell up your eyes once more while agony seems to consume you all over again. Hell for him? What about you? The constant feeling of not being enough, the questions lingering your mind how long this has been going on behind your back, the endless waterfall of tears, not being able to drink enough to forget him.

“You have to be kidding. Tell me you’re not serious about that bullshit. Hell for you? You fucking ripped be apart, Satoru! You throw our life away for sex with a few young chicks! You have no right to be sad about anything!”, you scream on top of your lungs, fighting desperately to escape his scorching touch around your wrist.

“I didn’t cheat on you, (y/n)! I-“

“So I’ve been imagining these pictures of you on top of that slut and the countless messages? Stop this shit right now! You’ve done enough. You-“

“Listen to me, damn it!”, he yells, ruffling his messy hair.

Why? Why does he have to keep rubbing salt in your already throbbing wound? Everything was just fine, you two were inseparable. What about growing old together? What about building a live together? All that, gone in the wind. Just because he decided to fuck someone else.

“The man you see on these pictures isn’t me, I don’t know these women, (y/n). I began to investigate. The man you see is a cursed spirit, a damn strong one that is able to take on the appearance of other living being, including my handsome self. I wish I could tell you why, I wish I could tell you who the hell that woman is. We assume that someone wants to set you off against me so that we both get vulnerable.”

He tears the blindfold from his face, revealing tears that glister in his glossy eyes. Your heart sinks, all you can do is stare at him in a desperate attempt to understand what he’s saying. Can it…be true?

“We?”

“Nanami helped me out. He knows this technical stuff better than I do. (y/n), I would never hurt you like that, not in a million years. You mean everything to me, it kills me to see you hurt like that, even though I absolutely understand why you believed in all of this and didn’t wanna talk with me. Just please, I’m begging on my knees if I have to, give me a chance to find out more about this madness and trust me with this one.”

You don’t know what is happening to you, it feels like you’re going to puke. Is this really true? Did he in fact not cheat on you with these women? His explanation sounds plausible and the shimmer in his eyes tells you that he’s not lying. Satoru was always bad at not telling the truth, his pupils always widen. Not right now though.

You want to collapse on the floor, your head seems to weight a ton from all these emotions, thoughts and possibilities.

“Why didn’t you tell me right from the start?”, you blurt out, voice coated in anger.

“Would you have really listened to me if I had no evidence? I took photos with that thing and couldn’t hold myself back from killing that fucker. Nanami was with me. Please, (y/n). Please believe me.”

You take in the pictures, how there seems to be two Gojo’s in each one. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is all too much. You don’t know what to think or feel. Is this true? Is there really something like a spark of hope left for your relationship?

“No”, you confirm.

You close your eyes for a moment to organize your thoughts and calm your breathing. All this time, Satoru never showed any interest in other woman, he doesn’t even stay in contact with Mei or Shoko regularly. He has no problem with you using your phone to write messages to Nanami or Yuji when he’s busy with something else. No, since you’ve known him, there was never a cause for concern. Satoru tells you over and over again how much he loves you, sometimes you even thought that he might be obsessed with you.

Maybe he didn’t cheat, maybe he did. But doesn’t your longtime boyfriend deserve a trust bonus, a chance to show you that nothing ever happened between him and these women?

When you open your eyes again, they are pooled by tears. Since that dreadful evening, you never allowed yourself to miss, let alone think about him. You tried to drown your feelings in alcohol and drugs. But now he’s standing in front of you, everything could be fine, all of this could be nothing but a failed attempt to separate the two of you. Deep within, you always hoped for it to be a nightmare, a stupid misunderstanding. Is that all it is?

“I-I thought I’ve l-lost you forever”, you stutter.

He doesn’t hesitate. In an instant he pulls you into his arms, presses your body against his beating heart and trembling frame. God, how much you missed getting lost in his warm embrace, to feel his breath brush against your ears. Just now you realize how much it killed you to be away from him.

“Can’t imagine how much I missed you. The thought of losing you…”, his voice breaks and so does your heart.

“I love you Satoru. I love you more than anything else.”

You get lost against his lips, put all the grief of the last weeks into this one kiss.

“Let’s get home, shall we?”, he whispers against your lips.

“Home. Yeah, that sounds pretty good…”

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v4mp-reads · 4 months

Note

Hello. I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year. I would like to request a Rhea X Pregnant Reader where reader is due in 3 weeks ( and with Twin babygirls if possible) and is backstage watching The Judgement Day open the show before getting up and walking to get something to eat before getting confronted by Karrion Kross and Scarlett who end up scaring her and sending the reader into early labor. If you can't thats perfectly fine. Thanks and Have a Great Day

Twist and turns

Rhea Ripley x prego!fem! Reader

Tw: struggles with Ivf problems, many failed attempts at pregnancy! Early labor! Small pregnancy complications

word count: 1.3k

Y/n’s pov

I sit in the judgment day locker room alone to say, this is the first time in 9 months I’ve sat in here alone, but no one could sit in because they had a big promo they had to do. I hold my stomach feeling my baby’s move around, I’m so excited to meet them, they are going to be welcomed into such a lovely family. I thought as my mind drifted off to the years before. Me and Rhea got married when we where both 21, that was almost three years ago, this has been a very long possess, i sat up countless nights crying because we picked up yet another negative test, this whent on for about two years until the day i remember it like it was yesterday.

Flash back

Me and rhea sit in our bathroom floor, “darling..you know if this test comes back negative we will have to wait at least six months before starting all of this over” she looked up at me as we wait for the five minutes to past “dont think like that baby. I have a felling this time” i whispered softly, smiling at her, i move from the tolet to her on the floor as she holds me. “Beep! Beep! “ the alarm had whent off, rhea whent to grab the test off the counter when it falls off onto the floor, i glance down at it to see two lines, TWO LINES! I instantly began to cry tears of pure happyness “Rhea! Its postive! We are having a Baby!!” She jumps up picking me up and spinning me around kissing me like a million times, we where so happy, this was actually happening. We stayed in the bathroom for about half our just crying with happiness. Soon we walked back to our room and called the judgment day group chat. They knew today was the day I was supposed to take my test, and we called them every time even when it was negative, we tryed to hide the smile on our faces. Dom was the first to pick up, we waited for the others to join before saying anything. “Hey y/n hi rhea what’s it say?” Finn asked in a soft tone not wanting to hurt us anymore if it was negative. I couldn’t help but smile and that’s when damien caught on “oh my god!! Wait?!” He said loudly over the phone the other two boys looked so confused. “A little baby Ripley is on the way!” I yelled. They all cheered, dom even started crying with me, “oh my god I’m so happy!” I cryed into Rheas shoulder. It was the best day of my life.

End of flash back

In three weeks I get to meet my little girls, three weeks, every thing is planed perfectly, Rheas family is flying out in two weeks, Rhea and the rest of the judgment day are getting a month off in two weeks, I’m just so happy, all this excitement made me really hungry, and I was out of snacks in the locker room. I know I’m not supposed to leave the locker room that was everyone’s rule the second they found out, just because people would bother me to get at the others

I started to feel sick so I needed to get up and get some food, I got up putting on rheas hoodie before walking out of the locker room, no one was really out, so I made my way to the where I know they had food.

I must have made some turn the wrong way because now I find myself in some random hallways that’s kind of scary, I get this wave of anxiety come over me and I feel like I’m being followed so I continue to walk faster, eight almost nine months pregnant with twins, it isn’t easy to walk fast, I quickly realize that I have to turn around this hallways was a dead end. I turn around and instantly get met with karrian cross and his girlfriend or what not Scarlett, “um..” I say softly “miss little y/n Ripley, how are you and your little baby’s doing” karrian reached out to touch my stomach, I quickly stepped back “please don’t touch me” I said fear clearly in my voice “don’t tell me what to do Mrs. Ripley, I will touch you if I want!” He reached out once more this time I backed up and I ended up cornered, “please leave me alone, I don’t want any problems” I start to panic “please, please don’t hurt me or my baby’s, they are innocent, they are pure” I begged. I started feeling horrible pains in my stomach, and I panicked “Mhmm, I don’t know, I don’t know how innocent they are, saying how long it took you to get pregnant with them, what was it I heard? Two years?and you have struggled your whole pregnancy” Scarlett spoke, tears came rushing out from my eyes “please! Leave me alone!” I yell the pain in my stomach becoming almost unbearable. “Hey?!” I hear someone yell, “what the fuck leave her alone” I look up to see one of my close friends Sami zayn. That’s all I really before I passed out.

“Is she okay, are my girls okay?!” I hear yelling as I wake up to see a bright light in my eyes.. “R-rhea..?” I mumble out, instantly her head shoots over to beside my head, “oh my god, your okay, darling, what happed! Why where you in that hallways, why did you leave the lockeroom?” She questioned me, “are the girls okay?” I asked simply, “maam, you are in late stage, early labor, we are transferring you to the hospital, where you should be able to deliver with mild complications.” All I could feel was the pain, from what I was guessing was contractions, it made my head spin. Rhea held my hand as I cryed out in pain as we made our way to the hospital.

We soon made it to the hospital, where I had to be taken in for emergency cessation surgery, i remember waking up to rhea hold our two little girls in both of her arms when I finally woke up. “How are they..”I asked weakly “healthy and absolutely beautiful..just like their mother”she said before carefully handing me the girls “Athena, she’s the one with the darker hair..and Kyra she’s the one with the birth mark on her cheek” Rhea said before kissing me “I love you, I love you three so much” I said softly. “If it’s okay, the boys want to come over in a bit, dom tried to force them to let him come in right after the delivery.” She said softly “of course our girls need to meet their uncles, what about your parents?” I asked her “they are heading down tomorrow” she said.

I slid over in bed as I laid there with rhea and my girls, all three of them sound asleep, it was so peaceful, well that was until the boys got there, dom come rushing through the door, almost tripping when he got in causing Rhea to wake up. “Good going dom dom” I joked and gave him a weak smile, to which he returned with tears in his eyes “why are you crying dom?” I asked “I was just so worried about you, I haven’t slept. I’ve texted rhea and the boys all day, and I just couldn’t wait to meet my nieces when rhea told me that you guys where healthy” he rambled on before Finn stopped him “don’t talk the poor girls ear off”, they all walked closer seeing the two small baby’s in my arms, them asking their names, and us continuing talking, they stayed there for about two hours before leaving because I was tired.

The end! Thanks for reading! If you liked it please leave a request of your own!

Xoxo, v4mp-

#wwe rhea ripley #rhea x reader #rhea ripley x reader #rhea ripley #mami rhea #rhea ripley x fem reader #wwe fluff #fluff #wwe fic #fanfic

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mykoreanlove · 3 months

Text

sexy brain wasn’t having it

3.25 am.

Once again Namjoon lay awake at night, anticipating the next disaster. His thoughts were racing, fueling the anxiety that was rooted deep in his heart.

„Joon“, you mumbled sleepily as you twisted in his arms.

You calling him caught him by surprise, a welcomed yet unnecessary surprise.

„Why are you awake, love?“, he whispered in his deep raspy voice.

You chuckled as you patted his buff chest. „Well Sherlock, my precious darling is awake so I can’t sleep either.“

Namjoon smiled widely as he placed a sweet kiss on your forehead.

„Sorry.“

„Is something on your mind?“

He sighed, not really knowing how to articulate his thoughts.

„Do you remember when I told you about my ex? The one that cheated on me?“

You nodded silently.

„Do you also remember the girl that shot daggers at you when I took you out to dinner two days ago?“

„The one with the crazy eyes?“

A sad laugh escaped his lips. „Yeah. Actually, same person.“

„No way“, you gasped, suddenly fully awake. „Why didn’t you tell me?“

„Honestly? She did some crazy things back then so I just wanted to forget her. I don’t want you to be near her. Ever.“

You tightened your grip around your boyfriend, deeply touched by his concern for you.

„You really care about me, huh?“

„Slightly“, he bickered back, making the both of you laugh.

„Are you afraid that she’s gonna do something to us?“

Namjoon closed his eyes and sighed deeply. „I expect her to.“

You drew circles on his chest, hoping this would make him calm down and drift off to sleep. It seemed like it worked, until it didn’t.

Frantic sounds alerted you both, someone was ringing the bell like crazy.

„Namjoon. Namjoon!! Open up, please.“

Her whines were slurred and chaotic. You felt him tense under your touch, unsure what to do.

„Just ignore her, Joonie. I’m sure she’s gonna leave in a minute.“

„Joon!! God damn it, Joon!!! Open the fucking door!“

Namjoon debated if he should get up, but he also feared hurting you. Suddenly, the door flung open revealing a very bad tempered Jungkook.

��Hyung, please. Go talk to her. I can’t sleep and I can’t keep listening to her begging for you. I beg you talk to that lunatic.“

You squeezed Namjoon‘s hand, encouraging him to go.

„I love you“, he whispered in your ear.

„I know“, you stuck out your tongue.

„Namjoon, fucking rap monster open this door no-„

Namjoon‘s ex swallowed her tongue as she actually succeeded with her plan - her ex was standing before her, ready to listen to her tantrum.

„Joon“, she tried hugging him but he pushed her away.

„You know what time it is?“

She nodded her head, slightly ashamed. „Joon, I am sorry but I need to talk to you. Breaking up was the worst idea we ever had.“

He rolled his eyes at her, trying to stay calm.

„Cheating on me was even dumber if you ask me.“

„I never“, she tried to defend herself but bit her tongue as she saw the hurt in his eyes.

„I’m sorry. What I did was wrong. It’s just, I couldn’t handle our love back then. You’re such a grown up and I.. I am a mess.“

Flashbacks of all the tantrums she created flashed his mind. She always argued with him, accusing him of the most disrespectful shit. Looking back he could simply laugh about this, wondering how the hell he kept up with her frantics for so long. He didn’t care about the past, nor her anymore. He only cared about you.

„I call you a cab“, he stated sternly.

„NO!“

Namjoon sighed in annoyance.

„What do you want from me? Why are you here? Do you honestly think I’d take you back? After all you put me through?“

„Why not? Because of that bitch?“, she spat out.

His nostrils flared up instantly. Namjoon would never resolve a conflict with violence, especially not with a female. He’d rather contort to hurting one emotionally.

„I don’t want you to talk about my girlfriend like that. Ever again. Understood?“

„That should be me! I’m supposed to be your girl, Joon. Don’t you remember how great we were?“

„Nah“, he replied dryly.

His ex scoffed, too many blows to her ego. „Oh please, I’ve seen her. Since when do you date someone so basic? She’s half of me anyways.“

Namjoon took out his phone and ordered a cab, making an end to this nonsense.

„What are you doing? Joon, listen to me! She’s not the one for you, can’t you see?“

He raised his left brow, holding back what he truly felt.

„She’s average. Basic. Boring. I think you should dump her. I think you should get back together with me. I think you and I should become Korea‘s hottest couple and live a beautiful life together. I think I am the love of your life!“

A real, heartfelt laugh left his lips. His ex‘ eyes widened in expectation, anticipating her victory over you.

Namjoon however disagreed.

„Thank you for telling me what you think. I however, don’t think about you. At all.“

He turned around and went inside, hoping to never end up in a situation like that ever again.

147 notes · View notes

watermelonsugacry · 2 years

Note

i’m getting the feeling that matilda is about 1d!reader, and i already know that it’s gonna break me

Building Harry's House: Matilda

A/N: Sorry this took forever to post but uni work is choking me without a sea view rn so tysm for being patient lovies 💚

SUMMARY: With the world knowing of their once secret relationship, Harry and YN navigate life together as an official couple and everything that comes with it. (9.6k)

GENRE: 1dbandmember!reader, famous!yn

WARNING: mention of abuse (yn gets slapped), excessive drinking, mention of drugs

Previous Song Here!🍷// Building Harry's House masterlist // SINCE 2010 masterlist

SIDE-NOTE: italicized is voice over commentary (I wrote this kind of like the Behind the Album documentary) bold are things Harry actually said irl

Consistency is something that has always been a part of the spine in YN’s storybook. No matter how many years go by, Penny remains a burst of sunshine with a kaleidoscope of colors—Harry can see how YN came to have her own golden light.

Harry turns the wheel of the car with the palm of his hand and parks into the gravel driveway of Penny’s house. When YN finally saved up enough money to take her mum out of the rickety house she grew up in, she made sure to tell Penny that she could have any place she wanted—it didn’t even have to be in London anymore if that’s what she truly desired. Of course, her stepmum opted for a cottage in the countryside along with a forest for a backyard and greenery as far as the eyes can see. Colorful, homemade pottery, wind chimes, and furniture scatter the front porch, adding Penelope’s psychedelic touch to every little thing that YN’s seen since she was little.

Harry’s been aware of how quiet his love’s been during their travels. After the unexpected phone call from her father in Italy, he didn’t hesitate to pack their things when she said she wanted to see her stepmum. He immediately called his private pilot and made plans to head to Doncaster as soon as possible.

He watches as she exits the car without so much of a peep out of her mouth. He follows behind her as they make their way up the stone walkway that leads to the front of the house covered in greenery, much like YN’s home back in LA. He sees how YN pushes her fingers against the glass windchimes on the front porch before twisting the handle on the front door and walking in.

He sees her stepmum round the hallway corner in a tank top that showcases the few tattoos she has scattered along her arms and tracksuit pants, her face bare and glowing. Her bare feet pad across the tiled floor as she readjusts her long black hair in a ponytail. When she kisses her stepdaughter’s cheek in greeting, Harry notices the yoga mat farther into the small living room.

The place screams Penny: bohemian rugs, funky lamp shades and handmade paintings hung on every space the wall can fit.

After receiving the warmest welcome and being served tea out of her mismatched colorful mugs, the seal in YN’s silent mask finally cracks and it has her pacing across the kitchen floor. As he watches his love spill out everything on her mind that she’s kept in for the past two days and he can do nothing but lean against the doorframe of the kitchen and listen.

“Like, what could he possibly want from me? Money? Fame? A relationship with his daughter after eleven fookin’ years?” YN huffs out a laugh at the thought of her last suggestion with her hands on her hips. “Dunno how this bloke even got me personal number. That’s some hacker shite right there. And now I gotta change my number again and make sure that—”

“I gave him your number.” Penny blurts out from her seat at the table, making YN stop her pacing in the middle of the room. Her breathing stops altogether and the room goes silent with a faint sound of the glass windchimes from outside. Even Harry’s eyebrows furrow from his spot leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

“Whot? Wha—why the hell would you do that, Penny?” YN shakes her head as she tries to wrap her head around the fact that her step mum gave the one person she never wants to see again a leeway into her life.

“Look, I don’t support what he did or how he raised you—”

“He didn’t fookin’ raise me.”

“But he’s changed.”

“That’s like, the most bullshit reasoning anyone has ever given. And how would you even know that? Have you been talking to him?”

Penny fidgets with a strand of her long black hair and twists the ends as she mumbles out, “He’s reached out once or twice.”

“What the ‘ell? Whose side are you even on?”

With a hand on his hip, his other rubs against the stubble on his cheek as he watches the two women dispute back and forth. He doesn’t know if he should leave to give them some privacy or stay in case anything gets out of hand.

He hates to see his love this way, pacing with frustrated fingers twisting the rings on her fingers so much that they’re sure to leave red marks on her skin. The crease between her eyebrows begging to be soothed out by his lips and the harsh nails raking through her hair demands to be switched with his gentle ones—the kind that has her falling asleep almost instantly.

“I was in the hippie scene, YN! I was young and naive and I fell in love with this bloke. I didn’t know what I wanted or what was right or what was wrong. But the one thing I knew for fooking sure was wanting you to be in me life.” Penny sighs out as she composes herself. “Look, you know I would never do anything to hurt yeh. He first reached out months ago; s’not like he called yesterday and I gave him yeh number willy nilly.”

“So what are yeh saying? That I actually go pay this man a little visit?” Before Penny could even begin her suggestion, YN scoffs and immediately shakes her head. “No.”

“YN—”

“No, not happening. No way.”

When Harry sees her stepmum let out a deep sigh and rubs a smoothing hand over her forehead, he thinks now might be a time for him to step in.

“YN, maybe you should listen to yeh mum—”

“Stay out of this, Harry!” YN snaps at him without so much as a second thought. “This is none of yeh damn business.”

“YN!” Penny scolds her stepdaughter but it’s no use as YN storms off to the backyard. It’s a rare thing for either one of them to snap at each other but when one does, it can be quite scary. Their last big argument was well over a year ago during the making of Harry’s last album and they’ve made it a habit not to revert back to their shitty way of communication. He almost lost her then and he’s sure as hell not going to let her go now.

Penelope turns to Harry with a sorrowful expression, “Yeh did nothing wrong, Harry. She’s just stu—”

“Stubborn. Yeah, I know.” With a shrug of his shoulder and a sad smile, he says, “S’unfortunately, one of the things I love about her.”

...

After walking off some of the steam around the massive yard, YN stumbles upon the garage she helped her stepmum convert into an art studio. Canvases the size of her line up against the wall (a painting in the works up on an easel), buckets of paints and brushes scattered every which way, and a pottery wheel in the center of the room.

With her arms wrapped around herself, she walks along the shelving filled with miscellaneous items: Penny’s homemade ceramic creations, funky decor pieces, plants, books and the picture they used for the Story of My Life music video framed and displayed front and center.

She runs her finger across the array of books on the shelves, stopping and pulling out a particular book.

“Find anything yeh like?” YN looks up and gives her stepmum a small smile.

“Yeh still have this?” YN waves her old copy of Matilda. The pages were so well loved that one wrong blow of the wind could have the cover fall off of its spine.

“Of course, yeh wouldn’t let that thing go.” Penny takes a cautious step towards her stepdaughter and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder, “But there are some things that you just have let go, right?”

Penny’s ready for the young woman to blow up again, sigh out in frustration, and even walk out of the room. But it’s safe to say that she wasn’t expecting for her to look at her with glossy eyes and a trembling bottom lip.

“I'm scared, mum.” YN whispers out and Penny wastes no time pulling her into her arms.

“It’s okay to be scared, baby.” She reassures her stepdaughter. “But yeh don’t have to be. You have to choose whether or not you want him to have that power over yeh. You are so strong, so courageous. M’sorry that I didn’t warn you beforehand.”

“S’okay,” YN pulls back as she wipes at her cheeks. “If yeh would have warned me I would just keep avoiding him. I think it's a sign, right?"

“Follow yeh heart, baby. You know what to do." Penny brushes the strands of hair away from her daughter's face in a comforting way. "Have yeh told him about what happened?” She doesn't need to say his name for YN to know who she's referring to.

“Does he need to know?” Even YN cringes her face up at her words, already knowing the answer to her question. She blindly points to the general direction of the backyard. "M'gonna go talk to him."

Harry can’t help but think of how much Penny’s house reminds him of his mum’s place he bought for her all those years ago. Like YN’s stepmum, she didn’t want anything too grand in the busy life of London but a cozy cottage with a massive yard. He remembers hearing a lot about how the two mums bonded over gardening and wonders if the sunflowers growing off in the corner of the yard was his mum’s doing.

He gets pulled away from his thoughts on one of the patio couches when he hears the sliding back door open and he’s met with his love.

“Hi,” she breathes out.

“Hey.”

“M’sorry I snapped at you. Yeh did nothing wrong.” YN sighs as she keeps her gaze to her fidgety hands, her thumb twisting the ring on her index finger. “Yeh been nothing but supportive and you didn’t deserve that. M’sorry. Can you forgive me?”

He wordlessly pats the seat next to him and she’s quick to climb up close to him. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and gently holds the side of her head and presses a kiss to her temple. He’d forgive her for anything in a heartbeat; that’s how deep his love is for her.

“S’alright,” Harry mumbles against her skin and feels her shoulders relax against him. “I forgive you.”

“Good. That would have been awkward if yeh didn’t,” YN huffs out a laugh through her nose in an attempt to ease the mood and he can’t hold back the small smile of his face.

They stay like this for a bit, wrapped up in one another as they look out into the giant, forest-like backyard before them. As much as he’d like to pretend that everything’s alright and move on, he knows that it’s not healthy to. That’s all they’ve ever done during these past couple of years since the band started: suppressing thoughts and feelings in hopes they would disappear and everything would resolve itself on its own. In a perfect world, maybe, but they’ve wasted so much time doing that that they both see what they’ve been missing out on.

As much as he doesn’t want to pop the bubble they’ve created, he knows this needs to be done—or at least try to.

“YN?” When she hums in response, he puts a reassuring hand over hers and is rewarded with the eyes that make him weak in the knees. “Do you feel comfortable telling me about your dad?”

“He’s not me dad,” YN shakes her head instantly. “He didn’t—doesn’t deserve that name. He isn’t me dad. He’s my father and the only reason he even gets that much is because we share the same DNA.”

YN lets out a deep sigh and avoids her boyfriend’s gaze to look out to the trees scattered around the backyard. She’s never talked to Harry or any of the boys about her father, nor has she ever wanted to. When topics of her family came up during interviews, music video projects, or even group dinners, Penny was only mentioned and brought along. Out of respect, nobody tried to pry her open for any other information about if she had a dad, any other siblings or relatives she was close with. It was only Penny and the Tomlinsons—no one else.

“I don’t want to talk about my father,” As Harry’s head runs around with unfulfilled questions a thousand miles a minute, ready to close the conversation and reassure her that she can when she’s ready, she manages to mumble out, “But I do feel comfortable with you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes and I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’m never going to want to talk about me father but since I plan to spend the rest of me life with you, I need to tell you about this part of my life.”

When Harry turns his body towards her to give her his full attention, her nerves begin to spike up again. But with his hand in hers, it grounds her and makes her feel an overwhelming sense of safety. So with that, she takes in a deep breath before lowering down the wall of her past that she’s kept hidden from the world for years.

YN, Louis, and some of her other friends ride their bikes down the streets of Doncaster after getting out of school. It was a particularly cold day this time of year and they were all wrapped up in thick coats and scarves. Now, YN isn’t big on birthdays. She never celebrated them in her own household but the Tomlinson’s never failed to give her a cake, collectively sing her the infamous song, and give her a present or two. But this year is different. This year, YN turns 16 and Penny nearly jumped up and down in excitement when her stepdaughter asked if she could bring some friends over for a little party.

Nobody has ever really been to her house, even Louis—her best friend since she was five years old—doesn’t spend too much time over there either. He was already so used to her suggesting to go over to his house instead that he began to question if she was feeling alright when she told him her plans.

The only reason why she’s even inviting everyone over is because her father said he’d be out late at work and won’t be back until the late hours of the night. Not that she wasn’t used to him not being home, it’s just when he was, he was accompanied by a beer bottle and bitter comments.

The group drops their bikes on the small yard in front of her house before trekking up the short, creaky steps of the porch as they chat and laugh lively amongst themselves. There’s a sense of relief not seeing anyone in the small living room once she pushed and twisted her key in the lock. Her eyebrows furrow for a second when her step mum isn’t there. She did her car in the driveway but brushes it off before turning to the group.

“Alright lads, yeh guys can just leave yeh stuff in here and I can go get us something to eat from the kitchen.” YN smiles at her small group of friends as they all happily agree. Too embarrassed to admit it to herself but she’s actually excited about her little get-together. She’s never hosted a party before and Jay and Penelope pre-made some snacks for her to pass around.

“Let me help yeh with tha—” Louis says as he begins to shrug off his puffer coat when Penny hurriedly comes into the living room.

“YN,” The young girl furrows her eyebrows for the millionth time at the way her stepmum’s voice shakes and at the fake smile plastered on her face. “‘ello everyone, welcome. Hun, um can I talk with yeh for a second? Ah—Lou, stay there babe. The kitchen is actually a mess from earlier.”

Louis stops in his tracks as he feels the confusion continues to rise up. Instead of questioning it, he takes it upon himself to entertain the group for the time being as his best friend and her stepmum step off to the side.

“Penny, what’s wrong? Yeh scaring meh.”

“Baby, um,” Penny anxiously pushes her long black hair behind her ears before looking over to her small group of friends in the living room. “There was a little hiccup at your father’s work today...”

No. Please, no.

“Well, wha’s goin’ on in here?” A voice sounds from somewhere behind her and the inevitable chill runs down her spine.

When YN turns around, her father stands before her. She’s quick to assess the situation: dirty white shirt, beer bottle in hand, eyes pink and puffy, and the stench of his breath.

“Having a little party without meh or whot?” Samuel taunts with a sickening smile before taking a swing from the dark bottle. Her stomach drops at the sight of her friends’ eyes widening at the man before them.

“Sammy, baby.” YN sees her step mum quickly come to his side and place a hand on her husband’s chest with a gentle voice. “Come on, we were just heading out, right?”

Please, this can’t be happening. Not now.

“Come on, let YN have her party and we can go out for dinner like we planned.”

“No,” He says sternly, shrugging his arm away from her gentle hand. “S’me house. I paid for it. Why do I ‘ave to leave?” He slurs.

“S’alright, we were just leaving.” YN tries her hardest to not make this a bigger scene than it’s already becoming. “I actually forgot I left the snacks over at yeh house, Lou. Why don’t yeh lads head over there and I’ll be over in a sec.”

“I don’t think—”

“Louis, I’ll meet up with you guys over there.” YN smiles reassuringly but her eyes tell a different story. He can tell that she’s just begging him to take the group away next door and let her deal with her father in the privacy of the worn down walls of the house.

She feels ashamed and embarrassed by the way her friends awkwardly gather their things and shuffle out of the house.

“Hanging around with that Louis bloke again?” Samuel provokes as soon as she closes the door behind the group. YN wouldn’t usually give in to one of his verbal pokes and digs, but whenever he brings up her best friend, it makes the fire in her chest burn hotter.

“Got fired again?” She retaliates in a bored tone.

“Yeh being smart with meh? Yeh just think you’re so smart, huh?”

“Well I did skip a grade so what do you think?” YN tries to brush past her tispy father over to the kitchen to grab the pre-made snacks but it’s easier said than done. He immediately blocks her from walking any further.

“Do you think you’re better than me?” Her father yells in her face and the smell of alcohol washes over her stronger than before. It makes her scrunch her up nose up at the scent and she keeps her gaze on his dirty shirt than his eyes. “Yeh think yeh can do whatever yeh want and invite people over? Just like that? Yeh can’t just do anythin’ yeh want, Marilyn!”

This wasn’t the first time Samuel has called YN by her mother’s name, drunk or not. Marilyn left her father when YN was merely four years old, too fed up by her husband to deal with him for another day and too selfish to bring her daughter to her new life. YN remembers the yelling from downstairs and loud shut of the front door.

She remembers the bright blue and red lights from the police car flashing from her backyard later on in the night, and the two officers saying something about a car accident. She also remembers how it was the first time she ever saw her father cry.

She doesn’t remember a lot about her mother. When she was older, she found a few pictures of her that her father kept away and needless to say, she was shocked. She almost thought they were pictures of her until she saw a younger version of her father next to her.

“Yeah, and you know what? I wish I was her.” YN bites back through her clenched teeth, finally having the strength to look up and meet his eyes. “I wish I was her so that I can fookin’ leave you like she did!”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, she feels a hot sting on her cheek. The strong impact startles her, her body reacting on its own from the unexpected action that her hands have to catch herself before her face can hit the ground.

“Samuel!”

She hears her step-mum yell, but it sounds muffled. Everything around her fades into a high ringing noise. It wasn’t uncommon for YN and her father to have some heated, verbal arguments. The both of them get red in the face and nasty words are exchanged that should never be said between a daughter and a father. As much they both had the urge to do so, never, never has he ever laid a hand on her until now.

YN puts a hand on her burning cheek and whips her head around to look up at her father. His chest is heaving in anger, eyebrows deeply furrowed and she can practically see the steam radiating off of him.

As she picks herself off the floor and Penny is quick to her side but YN pushes the woman away from her while keeping her stern gaze on her father.

Without another word, she marches towards the door. She thinks she hears Penny calling out after her, maybe even her father, but she doesn’t care. She swings the door open and makes headway towards her discarded bike.

She pushes her feet quickly against the pedals, her legs burn at how fast she’s going but continues on. She doesn’t even spare a glance at Louis’ house when she rides past it—her surroundings just all become a big moving blur. The tears on her cheeks feel ice cold as the wind whips at her face, but it simultaneously soothes the fresh marks on her skin.

“I used to think that if I pedaled hard enough, I would fly away. Like some blue bird in fookin’ Snow White or something.” YN wraps her arms around her legs as she brings them to her chest, resting her chin on her knees as she continues to keep her gaze on Harry’s hand in hers. She hasn’t been able to look him in the eyes since she started to share her truth.

“Where did you go?” Harry asks softly.

“Well I wanted to run away, but I literally had nothing on me. So after circling around Donny for a bit, I sneaked into Louis’s room that night. Penny found me easily,” YN lets out a watery chuckle and wipes under her nose with her sleeve. “Was the first place she looked but I um, I didn’t come back home for about a month. Pen brought me clothes from home and stuff; she knew I didn’t want to go back there.”

“And your father?”

YN looks out to the orange sun set that peaks through the trees of the spacious yard and shrugs. “That was the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. Pen still stayed with him, I stayed at Jay’s and when the summer came around I went back when he wasn’t there. Two months later I had me XFactor audition and I never came back home.”

“M’so sorry, YN.” Harry’s index finger nudges under his nose to help keep his tears at bay.

YN shakes her head and kisses her teeth. “Don’t be. Y’know I hate it when people give me pity and all that. Makes me feel like I can’t hold me own. If anything, I just felt bad for me mum. Like I just left her there to go on tour with the band for two years before I could come up with the money to buy her a decent place of her own.”

“Baby, you don’t have to feel guilty for any of that, you know that right? You should never apologize for simply growing up and trying to move on, YN. Hey, look at me,” Harry gently nudges his hand under her chin to turn her gaze to him. “There’s no doubt in my mind that you can handle yourself. I mean, look how much you had to deal with and are still here; your golden light shining through the darkest of times. But you don’t have to do this on your own anymore.”

When he pulls her further into his arms, he hears her sniffle back her tears and snuggles further into his chest. His heart breaks at the sound and he feels so helpless, like he could have done something to ease her pain. She was hurting right under his nose and he didn’t do anything. But he’s reminded that this isn’t about him, it’s about her. He can’t imagine going through what she did for so many years. He doesn’t even want to humor the idea of something like that happening to his own mum.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised by her response muffled into his chest.

“Can you um...do you mind coming with me to see him next week?”

...

The day to go meet up with her father for afternoon tea came around sooner than YN expected. She barely slept the night before, tossing and turning every which way to release the pain in her temples. If it bothered Harry so much, he did a good job at hiding it because with every wiggle and frustrated sigh, he adjusted their position along with her. He peppered loving kisses to anywhere her skin was near his mouth at the time and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, encouraging her to relax.

It wasn’t until Harry tugged her on top of him, tucked her head into the crook of his neck and massaged his blunt fingers into her scalp and back that she was finally able to succumb to sleep when the sun began to peek through the sheer curtains.

After a few phone calls from Jeff and work related matters, Harry walks back into the master bedroom of his home in London with his eyes on the phone in his hand.

“Darling, wanna start heading o—?” He stops when he sees YN still in her pajamas and her hair messily clipped to the back of her head. She sits criss-cross on the floor with plastic packaging and cardboard all around her. “Baby? What are you doing? Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“Look, I finally framed my ABBA poster. It’s been rolled up and stuck in that closet since forever and I found these fancy frames I ordered a while ago but never put them to use. I think I’m actually going to order more and just redo all my posters and stuff.” YN rambles on with her hands on her hips as she looks around at the items surrounding her.

“Baby—”

“Oh! And I have to show you this viral TikTok I saw earlier.” YN scrambles to her feet, moving around Harry and swipes her phone from the dresser behind him. “It’s a life hack on how we can maximize space under the bathroom cabinets because as much as I hate to admit it, we both have loads of skin care stuff and this way we can stay organized! And then—”

“YN,” Harry grabs a hold of her shoulders. When he sees her wide eyes look up at him, he gently takes her jaw in his hands. “S’okay to feel nervous. We don't have to go to your home if you don’t want to, lovie. You did nothing wrong and if you don’t want to go, there’s no harm in that.”

He sees the way her wide, tired eyes soften as he can practically see her working the gears in her head.

“No. No, you’re right.” YN lets out a deep sigh before kissing her teeth. “I hate it when you’re right. Bruises me ego.”

Harry huffs out a chuckle and presses a loving kiss to her forehead before heading towards the connected bathroom.

“Come on, I’ll even get the shower going for y—” Once Harry opens the glass door of the shower stall, he eyebrows knit together at the balled up pieces of clothing on the floor banded together by rubber bands. YN gives him a sheepish smile.

“I learned how to tie-dye.”

...

It’s hard not to notice the way YN’s knee keeps bouncing and her hands fidget with the rings on her fingers. He doesn’t point out the way she keeps moving the dials for the AC or how she tweaks the volume of the music every other minute.

He licks his lips before giving her thigh under his hand a loving squeeze and saying, “Baby, do you mind grabbing me that chapstick I put in yeh bag?”

YN rummages her purse in search of the tiny tube. Harry glances at his love and finds that while one hand is shoved sifting through her bag, the other one holds an abundance of items: her keys, her wallet, a snack-size bag of Haribos she bought at the airport and their two passports.

“I can’t bloody find this stupid, little—”

“Hey, hey. S’alright, forget about it yeah?” Harry takes the items in her hands and tosses them in the spacious footwell of the car. He intertwines his fingers with hers and brings their hands to his mouth. “Thought it would take your mind off of things but I guess it only made you more upset.” Harry chuckles, trying to lighten her anxiety by pressing kisses to each of her knuckles.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. Fook.” YN brings the heel of her other hand to her forehead and closes her eyes. Harry can feel the frustration radiating off of her. It’s heavy and bleak, and not like his YN at all. He’s suddenly thinking of making a “wrong” turn to the airport to go back to Sunny California where her golden smile shined the most. Or even pulling over at the side of the road to say how there’s a suspicious noise coming from the engine and how they need to wait it out before they continue. “I know m’being a bother. I just can’t stay still. I feel so silly—”

“You are not silly for feeling the way you feel. This is a huge step for you and I just want to thank you for allowing me to be with you during this time. I never want yeh to go through this alone, I know you wouldn’t let me go through this thing alone if it was the other way around. And if this turns out bad, I got a few—” Harry pinches his index finger and thumb together and brings it to his lips. “—back home we can do after.”

“Yeh could have told me that before we left?”

He laughs at her disappointed tone before making a turn onto the designated property. “I didn’t think we’d make a good impression on your father if we showed up stoned.”

“Holy shit,” YN ducks over to Harry’s driver’s side window at the mansion driveway they pull into. “Are you sure this is the right address?”

“You’re the one who put it into the GPS.”

Like second nature, Harry opens her car door and intertwines his hands with hers before making their way up the driveway.

“Now I feel fookin’ underdressed.” YN adjusts the cardigan that keeps falling off of her shoulder.

“You look fucking gorgeous.” Harry leans down to plant a kiss to her cheek.

“Oh, no.” YN cracks a smile and pinches at his lips with her knuckles. “I’ve been a bad influence on you, haven’t I?”

“Wha’ do yeh fookin’ mean?” She giggles as Harry micks her Yorkshire accent. Him and the boys would like to make fun of her accent throughout the years but Harry’s always done it to defuse her anger, to bring a smile on her face and ease her bundle of nerves. “This is how I bloody talk and shit, innt?”

“Is it now?”

“Aces, man.” Harry smiles brightly at the way she covers her laugh with the back of her hand as he reaches over to push the doorbell. “Just buzzin’ in excitement, aren’t yeh? Oh bloody ‘ell, bloody ‘ell.”

YN and Harry’s laughter gets cut off by the front door opening. There stands an older woman, probably in her late fifties. Her blonde hair looks like it was freshly done at the salon and looks like a fluffy yellow cloud on her head. The woman’s sparkly cocktail dress and matching red lip are way too fancy for an afternoon tea, and if it wasn’t already for the massive size of their house, YN might have been surprised at her attire.

“Hello there. We were just expecting you both.” The woman’s American accent rings through YN’s ears. As the woman extends her manicured hand to greet the couple, YN’s eyes immediately go to the sparkly rock on her finger. “My name is Della and you beautiful young lady must be—”

“YN.” A voice continues from behind the pristine woman, the same voice that runs a chill down her spine as it did when she was a kid.

A man appears at the doorway, his eyes widening like he almost expected her to not come at the last minute.

She doesn’t know who this man in front of her is, but it certainly isn’t the man she remembers. There’s no beer bottle in his hand but a gold wedding band on his ring finger. Instead of his stained shirt, a freshly pressed white button-up and a sweater vest covers his chest. Her nose doesn’t burn from the stench of alcohol but of minty freshness.

But even though his eyes aren’t surrounded by pinky, puffiness, she can tell that those are her father’s eyes.

“Hello, Samuel,” YN utters out the words with as much professionalism as she can, almost as if she were interviewing him for a prestigious job.

“I’m—I’m so glad you were able to make it.” The older man huffs out a laugh of disbelief as he runs a nervous hand over his thinning hair; his clean, combed and styled hair.

When Harry sees his love swallow thickly from uncomfortableness, he extends an outreached hand, “Hello, m’Harry. It’s nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Barlowe.”

YN just stands with her hand still clasped in his as the older couple shakes her boyfriend’s hand.

“Please, please come inside.” Della steps aside and opens the door wider.

YN can feel her skin tingle by the feel of her father’s eyes on her and she hates the way she’s having trouble meeting his eyes.

It’s an uncomfortable experience walking through the spacious house, everything clean and neat that it almost looks like no one has ever lived in it before. The couches and decorative carpets are white and aesthetically minimal, grand chandeliers hanging in every room they pass and a kitchen that looks like it’s never been used. She almost feels the need to take off her shoes in fear of leaving a mark on the perfectly clean titles.

As YN looks around the museum-like house, she quickly looks down at the feeling of Harry giving their intertwined hands a reassuring squeeze. Even if he can’t do anything about her situation, she appreciates the fact that he’s letting her know that he’s here with her for any support she needs.

Once the group sits down on the patio outside, YN almost jumps in her seat when two women with white aprons come out with trays ready for their tea.

Della and Samuel move in sync with one another as they drink their tea. They might as well be robots, lifting their white tea cups with such delicateness and gently dabbing their cloth napkin around their lips precisely three times. It’s borderline scary, like a jumpscare out of a horror movie was bound to pop out any minute.

But she has to admit, Della isn’t a stuck up monster as she initially thought upon meeting her at the front door. She’s actually a very sweet woman who smiles at her husband with so much love in her eyes.

YN’s learned that her father was working as a janitor at a law firm company shortly after she and Penny left his life. There, he was inspired to go to law school and with some help from some people in the company, he was able to attend. He soon worked his way up to become a partner at the firm and the small company became bigger than anyone ever expected. He met Della in 2015 when she was working as the firm’s secretary and married a couple months into dating.

“He would always stop by my desk and take from the lollipop bowl I had there. He would always ask me to go out with him and I kept telling him no—I honestly think it was because he liked my accent and I was playing hard to get.” Della whispers not so quietly and it makes a chuckle bubble out from YN’s throat. It puts a smile on Harry’s face to see his love more relaxed, not totally letting her guard down but enough for her shoulders to come down from their pinched position.

“What made you change your mind?” YN questions with a sincere smile and takes a sip of her honey-induced tea.

“This guy—” Della playfully slaps her husband's chest. “Got in front of the whole office, guitar in hand and sang to me. Oh the name of the song is slipping from my mind...how did it go again?” Della snaps her fingers as she racks her brain. “Um... don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control...”

“I want a perfect body,” Samuel says along.

“I want a perfect soul,” YN finishes and looks down at her lap. “That's um, that’s Creep by Radiohead.”

“If m’not mistaken, that was one of the first songs I taught you how to play on the guitar.” Her father smiles and sits up straighter in his seat.

“Yeah, you let me use your old Lancaster.” Harry sees the way her smile falters at the mention of the memory. YN was in middle school when her father showed an uncommon amount of kindness one day. It was the day she rummaged through the garage and found the pictures of her mum along with his old eclectic guitar. Instead of scolding her to not look through his old things, he sat down with her and showed her the simple cords to the song (thanks to the years of practice from Penny, she was able to pick up the melody pretty quickly). They smiled, laughed, and bonded. But like many things in her life, consistency crept its way back in.

Samuel saw sight of a picture of his deceased wife peeking out from YN’s hoodie pocket and a switch flicked inside him. He suddenly snatched the beautiful guitar and smashed it against the ground. After three swings, the base completely disconnected from the neck. He walked out without so much as another word and left YN panting, frozen in a state of fear and shock.

“I loved that guitar,” YN says softly and she’s back at avoiding his gaze.

“I did, too. S’a shame I don’t have it anymore. Sold it to an old buddy of mine back in the day.” Samuel sighs out in disappointment and YN’s eyebrows quickly knit together. When she looks up at him in confusion, he sees him shake his head in reminiscence.

“Hey, maybe you should treat yourself and buy a new one, huh?” Della puts a hand on her husband’s arm with an encouraging smile. “There’s got to be a store somewhere that sells some.”

“Reckon’ you’re right, D.” Samuel smiles. While he leans over to give her a kiss on the cheek, Harry too leans over to his love. “That’s a great idea.”

“Baby, y’alright? Wha’s wrong?” Harry whispers.

“S’just that—”

“Okay, so I would hate to have you both feel uncomfortable about this and Sam warned me not to bring it up,” Della chuckles. “But before you two leave, would you guys mind signing a CD for my kids? They just love both of your music and they would absolutely die if they knew you guys were here without a little something.”

“You have children?” YN raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Two girls,” Della smiles brightly. “Sydney just got back from college—oh sorry, uni—last month and our little Abigail just turned the big 16 last week. We had a little surprise party for her and we invited all of her friends over. Oh, it was so much fun. And the cake was just so delicious—”

“Della, honey.” Samuel puts a gentle hand on his wife’s. “I think we’ve heard enough about the party—”

“I would actually love to hear more about it.” YN speaks up, straightening up her back and turning her full attention towards the older woman.

“YN,” Harry whispers gently into his girlfriend and puts a comforting hand on the back of her chair.

Della nervously chuckles. "Oh, I don't know-"

“Please. Please, go on." YN insists. "Did you bake the cake yourselves? Did you spend all night the day before preparing little snacks for all of her friends, too? Did you guys buy her a sentimental gift? Samuel?”

YN gives her father an expected look, patiently waiting for his answer as he squirms in his seat. He nervously coughs into his hands before saying, “Um, we uh...well she just got her license not too long ago so we um...we put some money together to buy her a car.”

Della shifts her gaze back and forth between her husband and his daughter as the tension begins to build up. She sees the way YN purses her lips together and nods.

“She had been asking for one for so long and since it was a special occasion, Samuel wanted to do something nice.” Della reasons with a wavering smile. “I’m sure that Sam here did something just as special for you when you turned her age. What did he give you?”

Harry—all of them really—can see the way Della tries her best to lighten the mood but right now he knows that she should just stop talking altogether.

“A slap across the face.” YN nods nonchalantly, not at all bothered by the horrific look on the older woman's face. “Yeh know, the kind where yeh least expect it and the force of it is just so strong that it actually knocks yeh off your feet. Makes you hear a little ringing sound, too. Isn't that right, Samuel?”

Della looks over to her husband as he furrows his eyebrows and as much as Harry hates to admit it, the resemblance she has with her father’s current expression is undeniable.

“I’m sorry,” Samuel shakes his head as he clears his throat. “I actually have no idea what you are referring to.”

The wind immediately gets knocked out from YN’s chest and if it wasn’t for Harry’s hand on her back, she’d think she was dreaming.

“M’sorry whot?” She scoffs. “So you’re telling me that you don’t remember the reason I left home?”

“Yeh went on to become a world famous singer. I always knew you would someday.”

Harry can feel the anger radiating off her body as her father lies right through his teeth. Till this day, she can still hear his drunken words slurred to her:

You’re a waste of space.

Yeh think you’re gonna make it as a singer? You’re pathetic.

You’re not worth it.

Just as Harry mentally (and almost physically) prepares himself from standing in between his girlfriend and her father when she goes off on him, he’s taken back when she lets out a laugh. She’s laughing. Her eyes squeezed shut with one hand over her stomach and the other over her mouth.

“Why is that funny?” Della looks around at the people surrounding the table.

“Sorry, m’sorry,” YN says in between giggles. “But that’s the biggest load of shit v’ever heard. So you’re saying that yeh don’t remember all of those years of yelling at me? Yelling at Penny? Drinking excessively? Breaking things violently in front of me? Hitting me?”

“Enough!” The loud bang to the table and the movement of the fine china startles everyone as Samuel’s voice booms throughout the patio space. “I invite you into me house to try to rekindle our past, to heal wounds and move on yet you bring up with shite?”

“Rekindle our past? Dunno how you expected to do that when you can’t even be honest about what yeh did to me! And heal wounds? Hate to break it to yeh Samuel, but those wounds aren't wounds anymore. They’re scars now. Already patched up and healed with no help from you.” YN lets out a small chuckle to herself before shaking her head. “I don’t know why I even came here. Della, you seem like a smart woman so I would advise yeh to have a little chat with your husband because he clearly isn’t the man that you know. Thank you for the tea.” And with that, YN’s chair screeches against the pavement before standing up.

“So that’s it?” Samuel spits. “And you? Harry, you’ve barely spoken a word since yeh got here.”

“How believe me, I have plenty to say,” Harry bites back as he stands up and puts a protective hand on YN’s back. “But out of respect for the love of my life, all m’gonna say is that you’re a piece of shit, man.”

“Get the hell out of me house!” Samuel yells as he abruptly stands from his seat, the metal chair falling loudly to the ground behind him and he points towards the door.

“Glady.” YN scoffs and once Harry intertwines his hand with hers, they make their way out of the house.

It’s a known fact that throughout the years of the two being in the public eye, they’ve been media trained to be the sweetest people they can be towards anyone they meet. Harry has been portrayed for years as a ‘bad boy’ who's never done anything bad and YN the ‘good girl’ with permanent innocence. It’s been rumored around the fandom since the band started that as sweet and soft spoken as they come off for their jobs, when they get mad—they get furious. So while many fans think it’s one of the many delusion based fandom-facts, no one has truly seen how scary the two can become when they get angry.

“Wait!” The couple turns around to find Della quickly making her way over to their car but the two ignore her calling as Harry proceeds to open her door. “YN, please!”

With an annoyed look to her love and a sigh, YN relecutaly turns around, “Whot?”

“I’m so, so sorry about what happened back there. I had no idea he had done those awful things to you. If-if I would have known...”

It doesn’t take long for it to all click in YN’s head. Her expression softens as she recognizes the look in the woman’s eyes from a mile away.

“You don’t know about me past.” She tilts her head to find Della’s eyes. “But you have experienced it, haven’t you?”

Harry’s surprised by the bold assumption, but when he flicks his gaze over to the prestigious woman, his heart strings pull greater than they have ever before.

“I don’t know what happened.” The older woman brings a shaky hand to her mouth as her eyes begin to water. “It first started shortly after we got married all those years ago. He was nothing like that when we met.”

“What I said back there is true. You are a smart woman. You know what to do. Think about your girls. They deserve the world, not this. Don’t let them go through what we did.” She surprises herself by wrapping her arms around the older woman, Della is quick to reciprocate. The hug doesn’t last longer than a couple of seconds,

but it was somehow something they both needed. So as she watches the couple drive away, Della is left with a truth she pushed back facing years in the making.

...

No matter how many years they’ve been working together, writing songs together and making music side by side, Harry still manages to get nervous showing her his work. But this isn’t any kind of love song he’s written about her in the past. This was on a deeper level of intimacy between them. This isn’t just about himself or his feelings of longing and loving towards her, but of her past.

He taps his leather journal in his open palm, gathers his tin container and with a deep breath in, he makes his way over to her where she’s seated in his backyard. In the middle of his closed-off yard, she’s sitting on a blanket he put out earlier, a guitar in her hands as she mindlessly plucks pretty melodies from the wired strings.

He leans down to press a kiss on her exposed shoulder before lifting the spaghetti strap of her dress back up and plopping down next to her. She easily flicks open the lid from the container and she smiles at the sight of a lighter and the familiar rolled up substances.

“Romantic dinner for two, Mr. Styles?” She pauses her movements when he puts a hand on top of hers and she looks up at him expectantly.

“I uh, before we get into it, I actually wanted to share something with you first.” YN notices the familiar journal in his lap and gives him a cheeky smile.

“Another love song about meh? M’starting to think you fancy me.” When she notices his knowing look, she gives him a closed lipped smile. “Sorry, go ahead.”

When she sets down her guitar, he reaches out and takes into his lap instead. She’s pleasantly surprised by his actions. He usually writes on piano as his choice of instrument and feels the butterflies start to flap their wings in anticipation of what’s to come.

He leans over himself to make sure his fingers are placed correctly over the strings and right as he’s about to begin, he stops, “Don’t make fun of me, alright? M’still practicing.”

She laughs and grabs a hold of his chin as she plants a sweet kiss to his lips, “Promise I’ll keep my opinions to myself.” Her giggle is muffled when he pulls her back in for another kiss but sits back and patiently waits until he’s ready.

With a final deep breath in, his fingers begin to pluck beautifully. He still needs a little finer tuning on his part but he’s doing a wonderful job so far.

You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal"

And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels.

YN tilts her head at the lyrics but lets him continue on.

Nothing 'bout the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming 'til now.

So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal.

It’s been a few days after the visit to go see her father and after crying and venting to her mum about what happened, the couple hasn’t brought the topic up since.

You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, mmhm

There’s still so much she’s holding onto, so much still sitting on her chest that she's still unable to let go of. But Harry knows her more than anyone and understands her love language right down to the T: music.

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright

YN lets out a watery chuckle at the book reference, the one she loved so dearly as a child.

But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе.

You showed me a power that is strong еnough to bring sun to the darkest days.

It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind.

“This song was inspired by an experience YN and I had with a mutual friend—a person who we disguised as Matilda by Roald Dahl.” Harry explains from his interview chair for the Harry’s House documentary. The couple agreed without a doubt that they wouldn’t fully explain that the song was about YN. They usually never do but the song speaks for itself. “I played it to a couple of friends and all of them cried. So I was like, ‘Okay, I think this is something to pay attention to.’”

You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own.

It shocks YN to realize that while she went through this part of her life by herself, she wasn’t alone. Ten years ago, YN gained brothers, a family consisting of the boys, her managers, tour and production crew, and the fans. She had a family by her side this entire time and she didn’t even register in her mind.

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry, no

As soon as he plays the last note, YN quickly shuffles on her knees over to him and wraps him up in her arms. She digs her face into the crook of his neck as he grips onto her shoulder blades, pulling her incredibly closer to him as he can.

“People have so much guilt with things that they don't necessarily need to have guilt with sometimes. I think it's your right to protect the space around you and be protective of yourself and look after yourself.”

“I’m sorry you went home to that.”

YN shakes her head reassuringly and takes his face in her hands. She’s been crying so much lately that she’s surprised that she hasn’t run out by now. She has so much love for the man in front of her. She was serious about before: she’s never felt this way about anyone ever before. YN presses her lips lovingly to his. “You are my home, Harry.”

Her favorite dimpled smile appears on his face and she presses her forehead to his.

“You are my home, YN.” He says before pulling her back into him for more kisses.

“I think this song is going to touch a lot of people. It speaks to so many who’ve gone through toxic family members in their lives, people who weren’t loved in the way that they should have been loved,” YN gives the interview camera a sad smile. “S’a powerful one, this one.”

Back in the studio, YN can be seen in the recording room sitting in front of a Casio piano. With her chunky studio headphones on she plays along to Harry’s voice singing in her ears.

Oh, there's a long way to go,

I don't believe that time will change your mind.

She can’t help but tuck in her lips in an attempt to hold back the tears that threaten to escape.

In other words

I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go.

YN takes in a shaky breath and closes her eyes as her fingers continues to press on the keys.

You can let it go.

In a cathartic way, she finally releases the bands that she kept from her past. She lets go of her abusive father and the power he held over her for all of those years. She lets go of her biological mother’s name and accepts that she was never her, she’s her own person. She lets go of the guilt of leaving home, of leaving Penny—of leaving her mum there with her father for two more years and lets gratefulness seep in for the fact that her mum isn’t in that position anymore.

But most importantly, she lets go of the nasty feeling her father soaked her in.

She’s not pathetic, she’s brave. She’s not worthless, but worthy. She’s not a waste of space, she lights up the room with her golden light.

Taglist:

“It’s a weird one, because with something like this, it’s like, ‘I want to give you something, I want to support you in some way, but it’s not necessarily my place to make it about me because it’s not my experience.’” Sometimes it’s just about listening.” Harry sneaks a discreet peek at his teary-eyed girlfriend from her seat somewhere behind the camera. “I hope that’s what I did here. If nothing else, it just says, ‘I was listening to you.’”

Next song here! 🇬🇧

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martianbugsbunny · 6 months

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Maybe Disney needs to try taking on a fairytale they haven't done yet. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy more original stories like Raya and the Last Dragon and Encanto that as far as I'm aware don't originate from any particular legend (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong tho). Those are fun. Exploring different magical concepts like dragons and the miracle is awesome.

But that being said, I think Disney needs to go back to its roots and do a fairytale. Something with a princess and a big bad that comes from an existing legend. That's (generally) where Disney excels. That's why people love Disney. Little Mermaid? Classic. Beauty and the Beast? Classic. Princess and the Frog? Classic. Cinderella? Classic. Snow White? Classic. Really, I just think Disney does what Disney does best when they're taking a story that already exists and turning it into a beautiful piece of animation with a gentle, kind soul at the center of it, maybe with a different little spin like setting the Frog Prince story in 1920s New Orleans or having Beauty's father be an inventor. Little touches like that to make the story uniquely Disney, but with a solid basis in a folk narrative that touches something deep and instinctual inside most people.

Give me a girl who's cursed. A girl who either falls prey to evil or makes a deal with it, and whose sweetheart fights for her like Aurora or who does the brave thing and sacrifices to fix it like Ariel.

Give me a girl who's trapped. A girl whose family keeps her down or who just hasn't found where she fits yet, who stays kind despite her troubles like Cinderella or who finds her own alternative way out like Belle.

Heck, even a weird-ass thing like Shakespeare But Lions would be welcome. That's such a Disney thing to do, taking a story like Hamlet and filling it with whimsy and giving it a happy ending. Plus, Simba is one of the strongest protagonists and learns one of the best lessons in all of Disney fight me.

(I'm not going to count Frozen in the folk story group because the departure from the original was so wild I don't think it deserves to count. I love Elsa with my entire soul but I would also die to see Disney do a proper version of the Snow Queen fairytale.)

Look, my point is that I'd like to see something that really makes Disney dig a little deeper and recapture the spark of its classics. Because as much as I enjoy stuff like Tangled and Frozen and Moana (I've watched all of them loads of times and I cry about them consistently) they don't come to mind as Disney classics for me. Maybe that's just me. Maybe it simply hasn't been enough time. Maybe it's the difference in the animation. Speaking of that, however, I would actually love to see a Disney movie done in a 2D style again; I don't think 3D has any inherent superiority and I'd love to see what Disney could do with a 2D movie now. And there are so many folk stories in the world, surely there must be one that Disney can bring to life the way it used to. They haven't retold every story that's been told already.

Am I being a little picky? Probably. But I'd love to see something that reminds me of the Disney classics where a gentle person with a courageous core has their life touched by magic, faces an obstacle, and has a happy ending. Something that's not a variation on "X needs to be saved" but a specific character longing for a specific thing and either doing what they think is necessary to get it (like Tiana and Ariel) or giving it up for the sake of someone else, but getting a happy ending nonetheless (like Belle and Simba). Also a clear-cut badguy who gets to be absolutely cunty and evil about it with no peculiar twist.

I'd like to see something Classic Disney again.

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lumoverheaven · 2 months

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Sad Little Girl

Mood board by my lovey love @iamasaddie tysm 💗

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Joel Miller x fem!plus size!reader

A/n: hello everyone! I’m back with an actual fic! This one is near and dear to my heart and very personal to me, I hope you enjoy it! Big s/o to @xdaddysprincessxx for proofreading! Ilysm mama 💗💗💗 This fic was made with game!joel in mind! As always constructive criticism is welcome! Enjoy! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! 🫶🫶💗💗 (reupload to see if it shows on tags bc tumblr is fucking me hardcore rn.)

Warnings: mentions of SA and heavy trauma, age gap (reader is in her 20s Joel is in his 50s), death of a loved one, also David is mentioned. If I missed any lmk!

W/c: 1.5k

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

Growing up during the apocalypse wasn’t fun. There were many horrible, disgusting men that would do whatever they wanted. The need to survive set aside, they fucked with other people, especially women to get their twisted pleasure. You had fallen victim to that terrible abuse, but out of some sick and twisted mercy the most that had been done to you was being touched inappropriately and had a man expose himself to you. Worst of all? It was in your own home.

Your dad was a part of the smuggling circle and would often have his colleagues over to discuss routes, plans, and merchandise. One of his least trusted associates was the one that tortured you to no end. Because of that you didn’t feel like yourself, you didn’t feel like a girl. As the days passed you wore baggier clothing, you cut your hair to your shoulders, you bound your chest to get rid of any semblance to a woman. What also helped was that you were bigger than the average girl, you thought that maybe you looked broader, more like a male. This was how you coped, how you pushed everyone away.

When you found out your father died it was like a bucket of cold water to your skin. You didn’t know what you were gonna do or how you were gonna get by. A few days after you received the news about your father, there was a knock on your apartment door. Grabbing one of your father’s weapons you hesitantly opened it to find Joel Miller, your dad’s most trusted acquaintance. You lower your weapon and stepped aside to let him in.

“Hey bunny..” Joel began, you never understood why he called you that, based on your appearance you were nothing like a bunny. Not cute, not soft, not friendly.. You were the opposite. “Sorry ‘bout your dad.. Look, your pa on one occasion told me that if anythin’ were ta happen to ‘im for me to take care of ya.. Now I know you're a grown woman that can make her own decisions and take care of herself but I still wanted to offer ya a place to stay.. I know how awful solitude can be and I really care ‘bout ya..”

You had to process what he was telling you but you liked Joel, though you had some very negative interactions with men in the past, he was the only one you trusted aside from your father. You nodded your head in agreement and as the days and weeks progressed you moved your things little by little to his and Tess’ apartment.

You kept to yourself most of the time, mostly passing your time by drawing, reading, or listening to music when you didn’t work. Tess and Joel would sometimes let you go with them to their smuggling jobs but Joel would keep you close.

Joel noticed something was up with you, he noticed your change from the beginning. While your father thought nothing of it he noticed when his cheery-eyed bunny lost the spark in her eyes and became dull. He wanted to talk to your father about it but he felt like it wasn’t his place to say anything. He noticed how you presented yourself, manlier than you used to be and more quiet. Now this change he mentioned to your father.

“Hey man, I noticed somethin’ up with bunny.. Why she dressin’ like that suddenly? Seems like a drastic change..”

But your dad always brushed it off saying it was a phase that you were going through but Joel knew it was more than that.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

It had been a few months that you had been staying with Joel and Tess when one day after Joel and Tess went after Robert, Joel came back with a 14 year old girl named Ellie. You looked at Joel surprised and he pulled you aside to a room to talk about what was happening. He and Tess were going to deliver this girl to the fireflies at the capital and it wasn’t going to take them long.

“I wanna come.” you told Joel, he shook his head “Nah, just me ‘n Tess.. Too dangerous..” That answer didn’t satisfy you. “I’m coming with you. Whether you like it or not.” and you left to go where Ellie was. Joel chuckled lowly and shook his head again, he knew better than to argue with you, you were a little spitfire, just like your dad.

When your journey began you kept to yourself and only spoke if you heard something or needed something. Ellie tried to talk to you but you would only respond with a nod or a shake.

“What’s up with her.. Him? Nah her?” she asked Tess and Tess chuckled. “I don’t know, kid, she’s a nice lady, just quiet is all.” Joel took that chance to check up on you.

“Ya alright? Need anythin’?” you shook your head and Joel left you be.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Your trip had gone sour, Tess was dead and now you were on route to Lincoln. Tess’ death hit you hard but you know you have to be strong for both Ellie and Joel. After you had all processed her death you figured it would be best to open up now since it was only the three of you left. You began talking more and found that you shared a lot of things in common with Ellie. You two became quickly attached and while Joel did his best to ignore you both, being the ever stoic and grumpy man he is, he was still really happy that you opened up.

Little by little Joel noticed a positive change in you, the sparkle in your eyes was slowly returning and now you openly were conversing and laughing with both Joel and Ellie. Your progress was quickly squandered though when Joel got hurt and by events with David, a creepy school teacher turned psycho cult leader. You took care of Joel while weeping silently, you were scared you were gonna lose the man you trusted, the man you felt safe with. You know you should’ve gone hunting, you know what happened with Ellie is your fault. You both scrambled as you tried to lead David and his men as far away from Joel as possible. But in the end you both got caught. You and Ellie were held in different areas but you panicked as you saw the disgusting look in his eyes. You knew exactly what he wanted to do with you and especially Ellie.

After what happened with Ellie it triggered your PTSD and you just held Ellie as you both wept. You both had been fairly quiet on the trip to the hospital. It killed Joel to not just see one of his girls be quiet and devoid of life but both of them. Especially since you had come such a long way.

That night when Ellie slept he approached you and asked if you both could talk. You agreed and followed him a little away from the camp not to disturb Ellie’s sleep but still keeping a close eye on her.

“Bunny… I’m sorry ‘bout what happened.. you ‘n Ellie didn’t deserve that.. I shoulda been there to protect y’all..” of course Joel blamed himself when it wasn’t his fault at all.. with a sigh you begin to speak. “It’s not your fault Joel.. it’s mine.. I should’ve been more careful towards Ellie.. she.. we..” you burst out crying and for once you felt the warm embrace of someone who loved you. You would cry by yourself at nights, not wanting to disturb your dad with your seemingly insignificant issues.. but for once you cry and you just get held.. you craved that more than anything else.. as much as it pained you, you told Joel everything that happened in the QZ for years before your father died.. he clenched his jaw and held you tighter..

“I wish ya woulda said somethin’ bunny.. never liked that freak anyway.. woulda killed ‘em for ya..” Joel whispers as his lips pressed into your hair. You chuckled and just let the tears fall. It felt good to get it off your chest, to let Joel in.. you felt safe, you felt secure in his arms.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

When you return to Jackson, you’re a whole new person. You and Joel live together in a house while Ellie lives in her shed. You’ve begun to let your hair grow out again, decorating it with cute hair accessories you would find, you’re wearing pretty, fitting clothing, even dresses! Joel sees how brightly you’re shining. No longer are you the shy quiet girl that people assumed was a brute boy. You changed totally. You were truly beautiful in his eyes. You were thankful for Joel, he made you feel safe, he made you feel true peace. Enough to where you felt like you didn’t have to protect yourself anymore, enough to where you could finally be yourself and not worry about getting hurt. He would protect you, he would be there for you. You were his bunny, you finally felt at home.

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x plus size reader #joel miller x you

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sturniolowhore · 4 months

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blushing at my screen over your series of chris and venus.. how many more parts are there gonna be 🤭🤭

☁️ BROTHER'S BEST FRIEND #4

summary ⎯ venus has had her eyes on her brother's best friend chris for as long as she can remember but she is far too scared that's all she is to him, his best friend's little sister. what happens when she realises he sees her in a different light and how will she and chris keep it hidden from her brother who has always told his friends never to meddle about with his sister.

part one! ♯ part two! ♯ part three! part five! ♯

part six!

warnings ⎯ suggestive and sexual, eventual smut, chris x fem!oc, fluff, cursing, kind of angst (?)

A/N ⎯ finally working on something with parts to it so i'm excited!! as a reminder, leo and venus do not exist irl, i just chose any random names for the sake of the story.

A/N FOR CHAPTER ⎯ thank you so much first of all and i think they'll be two more part after this 😊 i'm sorry this is so short but lil moment at the end 😇

❛ ━━･❪ ִ ࣪𖤐 ❫ ･━━ ❜

chris 🤍

leo told me he's out for the day

saturn 🪐

yeah he is?

chris 🤍

sounds like the perfect time for me to come over again :)

saturn 🪐

that could happen

chris 🤍

saturn come on i know you want me just as much as i want you

saturn 🪐

it sounds like a really good idea

chris 🤍

that's what i thought

saturn 🪐

lilo misses you

chris 🤍

lilo misses me or you miss me?

saturn 🪐

maybe a bit of both?

chris 🤍

i'll be over in fifteen😇

saturn 🪐

already undressing

chris 🤍

venus.

saturn 🪐

relax i'm joking ... or am i

chris 🤍

you have to follow through with that now or it's just disrespectful

saturn 🪐

the doors unlocked

chris 🤍

good fucking girl

saturn 🪐

mhm 😊

things between chris and venus have been good, very good actually. it's been a little while since their confessions in the kitchen and they've managed to sneak around perfectly undetected and see one another as they desire. of course it's a little hard when they can't just reach out and touch one another for the sake of it when others are around but they know their reasoning so they tolerate it. plus, it makes the moments they actually spend together that much more special, that much more craved.

chris drives with a smile on his face, his hands clutching the wheel and images of venus flashing in his head. she's always been a resident in his mind but ever since he found out his feelings for her were reciprocated, it's as though she lives in his head permanently. he's not complaining though; he'd think about her forever if he could and he's not even exaggerating.

maybe it's the small mounts of traffic in contrast to usual or maybe it's just the fact that he really wants to see her, whatever it is, he swears he makes it to her house in no time. he parks the car in the driveway, carefree because leo isn't home, and then approaches the door. his smile grows when he twists the handle and, true to venus' words, the door is unlocked and welcoming him flawlessly with open arms.

he makes a beeline straight for her room and the sight before him when he steps inside quite literally makes his jaw drop. he's in complete and utter awe. he's fucking speechless. venus is sitting on her bed in a navy blue set that makes her brown skin stand out like never before and hugs her curves perfectly. she's looking at her phone and biting at her lip and chris wants to replace her teeth with his immediately.

she doesn't even notice him at first, too busy looking at her phone, until he speaks up, "holy fucking shit saturn."

her eyes shoot up as soon as the words leave his mouth and she gives him a sheepish grin, shutting her phone and tossing it aside, "you like it?"

"like it? i fucking love it; god you're so sexy," he mumbles, already getting turned on at the mere sight of her.

he wastes no time in joining her on her bed, his hand quick to wrap itself around her throat whilst his lips fight with hers. a groan falls from his lips as she slides her tongue into his mouth and he lets her do all the work for a brief moment before his tongue takes over, swirling inside her mouth and then swiping over her teeth. his teeth sink into her bottom lip and she whines at the contact, her hands gripping his t-shirt desperately.

"i missed you," he hums into her lips and she smiles so beautifully, he wants to repeat his words for an eternity.

"i missed you too," she responds and then throws her head back when his mouth attaches to her neck eagerly, sucking and grazing the skin not so gently.

"chris⎯ don't leave marks," she manages to breathe out and he knows they both deep down really want him to but they ultimately can't because how is she going to explain that to her brother?

he licks a stripe at her collarbone, "one day i'm gonna mark you up all over and you're going to say nothing about it."

"i can mark you up right now darling and no one would know except me," she tells him and he moves away from her throat, looking up into her eyes with the most lustful expression clouding his features.

"go on then, i'm not stopping you," his voice is low and she has no fucking choice but to oblige and so she instantly begins sucking at his skin, her hands holding his hair firmly and tugging at it making the prettiest whines slip out of him.

"need to be inside of you," he whispers and she connects their lips as he begins to remove his pants and boxers, the sight making her salivate instantly.

"take this off," she fiddles with his t-shirt but all he does is smirk in response.

"you do it ma," is all he needs to say for her to listen quickly, tugging the material over his head before reaching out her fingers and sliding paterns across his torso easily.

he takes the waistband of her thong in between his fingers, "as much as i love this, i'm gonna need it off so i can ruin you as much as i want."

it's off within seconds and he almost moans at how easily she complies, how evident her want is from her actions and the way she can't keep her hands off him for even a brief second.

his fingers move to her entrance and she moans but before he can dip them inside, she shakes her head, "please i just want you."

"don't want me to stretch you out a little?" he asks hesitantly but all she does is shake her head again in response.

he cannot complain in the slightest. he lines himself up at her entrance and stays there teasingly. she huffs out a frustrated breath before she decides to move herself and sinks down onto him. he moans at the sudden contact and his hands move to either side of her waist to steady her body.

"oh fuck, someone's a little desperate," he teases and she whines when he begins thrusting into her at a a slow rate.

"please chris," her words are said breathlessly as she moves against him.

he thrusts again but softly, "what is it ma? 'm gonna need you to use your words."

"please go faster," she whispers and he grins, increasing his pace and watching as her body jolts in delight and she throws her head back in pure ecstacy.

moans and whimpers fall out of her easily as he works his way inside of her, moaning himself at the tightness and the way the two of them slot together so perfectly. her hands stay in his hair as she bites at his earlobe, swirling her tongue across the skin and moaning directly into his ears.

his hands on the other end are quick to find her bra and he uses his fingers to remove it and throw it some place in the room. he attaches his mouth to her boobs and she sounds so beautiful with her noises, he can't help but make his pace merciless. he feels her walls clench around him and he knows she's close, just like he is. he slaps at her ass and she falls into his chest, breathing heavily and grinding onto him to her help her get closer to her release.

"you feel so fucking good around me," he whispers into her ears as he shifts, hitting that spot and causing her to release a string of curses at the feeling.

"chris 'm so close," she tells him and her needy voice alone could make him cum on the spot.

"c'mon ma, cum with me," and that she does, clinging onto him and panting as they cum together and meet in the middle.

her eyes flutter shut and she falls into his chest with him still inside of her. he strokes his hand through her hair and she hums contently at the gentle comfort.

"you okay?" he asks softly and she nods eagerly, lifting her head to kiss him gently and smiling against his lips.

he can't help but smile in return. he's just so happy he gets to have her after years of wanting to have her. to be frank, it's a surreal experience mangled with the best emotions he's ever felt in his life. he just enjoys existing with her and times like these make him consider how thankful he is that they actually were able to communicate and display what they wanted.

when they're all cleaned up and clothed, laying beside one another in bed with a movie playing from the television, he watches her discretely. her eyes are glued to the screen and there's a slight crinkle in between her eyebrows due to her concentration. there's something so effortless about the way she carries herself and he finds himself mesmerised whenever he so much as looks at her or even thinks of her.

"what are you looking at?" her voice interrupts him and he smiles sheepishly at being caught flat out staring.

still, when he answers though, he isn't embarrassed in the slightest, "you're so cute."

"shut up," she shakes her head at him but the words are contradicted when he sees the way her eyes light up and he notices how the distance between them decreases even more, if possible that is.

their embrace is thoroughly tight and he feels safe in it and he knows she does too. he doesn't want to escape it. he could die intertwined with her and die a happy man.

lilo walks into the room and settles in the small space between them, half of her on either of them as they continue to watch the screen. chris honestly admires venus the entire time and the question lingering on his mind gets closer and closer to being said aloud whenever she smiles.

"venus..." he says into the air and she turns to look at him with the most adoring look in her eyes, he swears he's never felt more seen.

"i like it when you call me venus," she swipes her fingers across his hand and how can chris possibly turn back on the thoughts in his mind when she says something like that so casually?

"wanna hear it more?" he ponders and she raises her brows in amusement, leaving him to continue with whatever he's saying.

"look i know it sucks that we have to keep this a secret but i really like you venus," he pauses and the pureness in her eyes makes him want to never stop talking, "i'd really like to be your boyfriend."

he thinks his breathing short circuits in the silence of the room until she beams at him, pulling him into one of her infamous kisses that makes him feel like he's above every other thing in the universe. he feels like he's on fire whenever they're together and instead of trying to put the fire out, he's jumping into it feet first because he knows venus is burning with him and that makes it all worth it. he's lighting up in flames and his insides are hot but he's glowing with affection and that's exactly what he desires so he doesn't quite mind.

"i'd really like to be your girlfriend too," her voice is so fucking sweet, he feels like he's watching the pour of honey before his very eyes.

"and with lee, we'll tell him soon okay?" he just knows exactly what to say because he's aware venus is worrying about his reaction.

the longer they leave it a secret, the madder he'll inevitably be. it's not as though leo doesn't want venus and chris to be happy, he just doesn't want to ever get between them. chris is his best friend and has been for as long as he can remember and venus is his sister, the person he'd die for without hesitation. the idea of something happening between them to the point it strains his own relationships with them scares him. that's why he tells his friends venus is off limits, because he can't handle having to watch the people he loves the most not love one another or end up hurting one another.

"it's going to be okay," he reiterates and she believes him without another word because it's him.

but then it's like her world flips upside down and the universe is mocking her when she hears footsteps outside of her room. her heart fucking plummets and the sound of a fist tapping at her door is enough to drive her to insanity.

"vee, can i come in? did chris leave his car here or something?" leo asks from the other side of the door.

shit. shit. holy fucking shit.

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slavghoul · 1 year

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Slav, do you ever just get the feeling that Ghost is getting turned into everything it shouldn’t be? I have always frowned on gatekeeping things and exposure is good for a band’s success etc but it’s putting me in the mind of all of the various things in the world that were ruined by too many tourists. Like national parks getting trampled or famous statues being discolored after everyone needed to touch it. You know? To be fair I’m a chronic overthinker but I can’t help but feel like I’m witnessing it (the fan side, not the music itself) being twisted into exactly what Tobias would hate.

This response came out VERY lengthy, I apologize in advance.

To answer your question shortly: yes, I do feel that way sometimes. However, I would be hesitant to involve TF in this discussion because I don't know him on a level that would allow me to gauge his true feelings on any particular matter. If I were to say "I hate it when Ghost fans [blah blah blah], because he would hate that!" it would only be an attempt to justify my own opinion about something, not a genuine concern for his feelings. Implicitly, I would also be shaming other fans and making them think that they are enjoying the band "the wrong way" when in reality, they simply enjoy it differently than me. That's unfair because I have no right to dictate how others should perceive Ghost. Everyone's experience with the band is unique and personal to them, and I have no authority to infringe upon that.

I think the sort of disillusionment that you describe is a common experience when you're a fan of virtually anything and it evolves. There's no solution for it. It just is what it is. The question is, to what extent is it a result of the band "being turned into something it shouldn't be" and how much of it is simply due to our own personal sense of nostalgia?

If you became a fan of the band several years ago, you'll likely always look back on those times through rose-tinted glasses. No other experience will ever compare to the emotions you felt back then, because they were formative and unique to that time in your life. You may continue to enjoy the band, but it's unlikely that anything will be able to replicate the same level of excitement and anticipation you felt when you were first introduced to them.

Of course, it's true the band has evolved and there's no denying that the community has undergone a significant shift over time. If you had seen them in concert a decade ago, the majority of the audience were people in their 20s and 30s. You had an odd kid here and there and the occasional, let's say, 'senior citizen' headbanging, but majority were young adults. It made for a very different dynamic which was also reflected in online spaces in terms of what was being discussed, how it was being discussed, and what the focus was on. These days, Ghost attracts a much wider age range with a significant portion of their current fans being on the younger side, pre-teens and teenagers. That's fantastic actually, I am very happy that is the case and I welcome them all. However, being 30-ish myself, I simply don't enjoy things in the same way they do and I don't focus on the same things they do.

It's very easy to become jaded when that's the case because you start to feel like you're no longer part of the target audience, and that can be disheartening. I make a conscious effort to prevent that from becoming an issue for me because I love Ghost dearly. At its core, it is still the same band I fell in love with. TF is doing exactly the same thing he has always done, but now on a larger scale, obviously. It's not being transformed into anything it hasn't been before. It's a bit more commercialized, sure, but that's not a crime.

Basically, it's up to us to decide how we want to engage with what is being offered. You need to find a way of consuming Ghost in a way that is comfortable to you or else you may get disenchanted very fast.

At the risk of sounding like a giant dick, I will admit that I intentionally stay away from the fandom and don't follow anyone because.. man, it's actually impossible to say this without sounding like a dick.. because I don't see eye to eye with majority of other fans and it taints my experience if I see too much of what others are saying or doing. To reiterate the point I made earlier, it doesn't mean that others are doing anything wrong and I'm doing it right; no, we are simply doing it differently. I made peace with the fact that I can't control how others act and that's completely fine. I live in my own little Ghost bubble, which, although solitary, is a tranquil place. I decide what I want to see and what I want to share, and who I want to talk to and about what. That's my way of remaining levelheaded and keeping the thoughts you describe at bay.

Apologies for crafting a whole ass high school essay on this fine Friday evening.. if you know me you know that I think and talk a fucking lot, hehe. I don't even know if anything of what I said makes sense, probably not. If you're still reading, thank you and sorry!

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miryum · 1 year

Text

Snack Saver (Newt x Reader)

You know the drill folks, it’s fic dumping time. I have three coming out right now (all shorter than I would like them to be) and a request I have yet to write.

Warnings: fluff that I crave, reader being in theatre (can be high school or college) and being a upperclassmen

Newt sat at his desk, engrossed in his maths homework. He had to finish this and then his history homework, along with studying for science.

Just as Newt was getting into the zone, his phone pinged. He groaned but left it on the other table. Soon after, his mind forgot about it and dove back into his work. However, his phone soon pinged again. Then again. Then it started ringing.

Sighing, Newt twisted around and grabbed it. Seeing the caller ID, his frustration lifted a bit and he answered it.

“Hello, love,” Newt said to his girlfriend.

“Thank god.” Y/n breathed, immediately making Newt’s heart race in concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Y/n laughed slightly at his concern. “It’s just, I’m at theatre practise…”

“I know. Do you need anything?”

“Yes, actually.” Newt could hear Y/n’s anxiety from the other side of the phone. “It’s a late practise; we end around six pm. And I forgot to bring snacks. I was wondering if you could drive over with some food?” Newt let out a little chuckle, which Y/n took the wrong way. “Or you don’t have to!” She quickly backtracked. “I’m so sorry! I’m sure you were doing more important things and I just thought-”

Newt shook his head, even though Y/n couldn’t see it. “No, love, it’s okay! I’ll bring a couple of snacks. It’s just… I love you.”

Y/n, confused but happy, replied, “I love you too, Newt. Thank you so much! I’ll wait outside the school for you.”

“No need. I’ll come in and finish my homework so I can give you a ride home.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I’m your boyfriend. I don’t need to, but I want to.”

“Thank you, Newt.” Y/n said, sounding genuinely thankful and relieved.

“You’re welcome. Bye.”

“Bye!”

Newt scooped up his homework, binders and textbooks weighing him down. He then went to the kitchen, grabbing some snacks he knew Y/n would love. Loading it all into his beat-up car, he coaxed the engine into starting and headed down the road. When he reached the school he had only left an hour earlier, Newt piled up all his things and trooped inside. Y/n was waiting for him outside the auditorium, her foot tapping nervously. “Oh, you’re here!” She rushed towards him, grabbing the food out of his hands and ripping open a package.

“Love the food more than me?” Newt chuckled.

“Right now, yes. But thank you so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Y/n reached up and kissed Newt on the cheek.

“Be very hungry,” Newt answered, trying to sound as serious as possible.

Y/n laughed and led him into the auditorium. The other people in the play were sitting about, taking a break before the next scene. The couple was greeted by a chorus of, “Newt!” and “It’s Y/n’s boy-toy!”

Y/n waved them off while Newt called out, “I’m only here on a snack emergency!” Some cast members groaned at the response while others laughed.

Newt settled into a seat next to Y/n’s backpack as Y/n gave him a peck on the lips before running towards her friends with her pile of snacks.

During the next couple of hours, Newt hardly got any school work done as he sat, memorised, at his girlfriend. His pencil was poised over his paper, never fully completing a thought, but he didn’t mind. Newt was happy simply watching her perform. Y/n came to life while she was onstage, as he had told her many times before. When Y/n wasn’t rehearsing, she sat next to Newt, head on his shoulder as they quietly conversed, occasionally sneaking a kiss or two while some freshmen looked on with jealousy.

After Y/n’s rehearsal was finished and she had said her goodbyes, Newt shouldered his backpack and led her to his car. “Thank you again, Newtie,” Y/n whispered as they walked, Newt holding her hand gently.

“Anytime. If you need anything, at any time, call me. It could be midnight or halfway around the world, and I will always be there for my love and forever partner.”

“Really?!” Y/n looked at him, wide- eyed.

“You think I would ever give you up?” New shook his head, chuckling. “Never.”

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ambermotta · 3 months

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Finding "Your Path" — Not as Straightforward as it Seems

In the pagan and witchcraft community, you will often see or even be asked about "your path", and may eventually wonder which one you are on.

Today's post is about reflecting on this subject, rather than providing information.

As such, please keep in mind I only speak for myself.

What is a "Path"?

The definition of path may change from person to person. It can be what type of magic you do, the deities you worship, the many branches within your religion or even the esoteric orders you have joined.

Are you a green witch? Sea witch? Norse pagan? Crystal witch? Rosacrucian? Tarot reader?

A lot of beginners will get caught up on these terms and find themselves in a bit of an identity crisis. "What the heck am I?" is something I'm sure many people can resonate with.

I would like to invite you to look at things from a different perspective regarding what "the path" is all about. Of course, you are welcome to disagree and have different interpretations.

Your path ≠ Your labels

We have hundreds and hundreds of labels we use for every sort of thing in our lives. You can be a father, co-worker, genderqueer, bisexual, animal lover, sculptor, gym rat... all at the same time, though not necessarily in the same contexts. Yet none of these could fully describe who you are. In paganism and witchcraft, the same applies.

We might be called to (or pressured into) choose one or a few labels to describe who we are and what we do, then find ourselves seeing a lot of labels fit but not fully or not on their own. This might make us feel lost and unsure of what "our path" is.

This is just how things are. Labels can't possibly be all-encompassing. And one label can hardly describe the path you are walking. No two persons calling themselves a grey witch or a hellenic pagan have walked the same path. Even their current personal practices are probably different.

The label might be the same, but the whole living experience behind them is not. They may share similarities, but they are still singular.

What is "My Path" then?

We tend to see paths as traditions, ethics, codes and practices we follow, but I will ask you to put that aside for now. I want to share something I've experienced with you a few years ago.

I once told a wise spirit "I don't know what my path is, I'm afraid I'm walking down the wrong one".

At the time, I thought of my path as a road I walked to achieve a certain goal, and as my religion, my practices. I often found myself feeling drawn to many things at once and somehow failing at following any of them through. I thought my path was a mess, and that I was lost.

The spirit answered, in sum: "your path is the path you are treading right now. It is what you make of it".

Sidenote: for those wondering, the spirit was talking through a trusted medium in serious and proper ritualistic setting.

What he said was simple, right? But what does it actually mean?

I am constantly walking down my own path. No matter if it can be categorized as "right" or "wrong", it is my path, my journey, my own growth... With all of its twists and turns. My path can't be wrong because there is no right path either.

It is not a set, definite thing, and instead a continuum of experiences. It was, it is, and it will be.

We tend to see "our path" as a means to an end, a road meant to take us to a destination. We think that if we are not doing something we think we are meant to do, that we are in the wrong path.

I believe this is because we mistake our path with our purpose. We can have a life purpose, or even a fate, but these are not inherently our path.

Try to look at your path as a continuum of your own experience, instead of a means of achieving something. It's not immutable, or a predestination, or even what you are.

Think of it as the ground you walk on... no matter where you go, you'll always be standing on it. It may change its appearance or its characteristics, but it's still ground.

The ground you have walked, the ground you currently stand on, and the ground you'll walk upon is unique to you. No one could follow your exact footsteps or walk the same way as you did. And it exists as long as you continue experiencing things.

So what does it all mean?

It is what you make of it. If you are like I was, maybe this reflection will resonate with you, and maybe one day it will bring you some peace of mind (at least as far as this matter is concerned).

Colloquially, people will still ask about your path reffering to your practice, religion, etc. But I hope that internally, you feel less bound by the constraints that labelling yourself can put upon you.

Remember Your Path is unique to you, with all its twists, turns and your perceptions of them.

Don't feel pressured into "choosing a path" or "finding your path". Enjoy the beautiful singularity that it already is.

If you feel like you need to find your path, try to take a look at it as a whole. Reflect upon where you are, where you have been, and where your heart tells you you are heading to.

And if you feel you don't like your path right now, well, that's a sign maybe it's time to stir it in a different direction. One that you can feel proud of, someday.

Thank you for reading!

#just a reflection #witchblr #baby witch #magick #spirit work #witch tips #paganism #pagan tips #baby wiccan #beginner wiccan #wiccan #pagan wicca #reflection #wiccan path #witch path #beginner witch #beginner pagan #your path #pagan path

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qqueenofhades · 1 year

Note

I read a few of your posts and want to sincerely thank you for talking about how people in the West tend to be hypocritical when it comes to Russia's imperialism/colonialism.

I'm from Georgia and I think, other than Ukraine (obviously), this war has affected our country the most. I'm honestly terrified. Our current government consists of Russia's puppets and they are literally selling our country to Russian oligarchs and elites and turning it into the Russian colony. It's honestly tragic.

And I'm especially terrified as a queer person because Russia has been influencing and sponsoring the alt-right groups in Georgia and queerphobia is getting worse and worse. Those alt-right groups claim to protect Georgian identity but our identity was never homogeneous or homophobic, what they are actually promoting is Russian supremacy in order to drive away progressive Georgians from the country, leaving only the bootlickers.

Yet the Western leftists always act like Russia today is not as sinister as the US which always enrages me.

You're welcome, and just... yeah. It's something that drives me equally insane, and while I have problems with a lot of Western Leftists (tm) for varied reasons, that's definitely one of the biggest. As a historian, and somebody moreover who has done a lot of work on Russian and Soviet history, the willful ignorance and total distortions just boggle my mind. And like, you don't even NEED to have studied it to understand the problems in cheerleading for a genocidal fascist imperial regime just because it happens to be anti-American. It only takes point-two seconds of critical thought, but because so many people's entire ideology rests completely on "the US is the cause of all the evil in the world and I, O Most Pure Shining Progressive, am so much better than all that despite having a twisted moral worldview where America is still the only country with agency ever" mental contortion, they just. Can't do that.

Anyway, yeah; most people tend to forget and/or just don't know that Russia invaded Georgia in 2008 and is still occupying a good chunk of it, at least partly to make sure Georgia can't enter NATO (as having stable/uncontested borders is one of the requirements for entry; that's also why Moldova can't enter due to occupied Transnistria and why Ukraine can't enter as long as the war's going on). Likewise, because Georgia is currently one of the few countries that Russians can enter without a visa (again thanks to the Soviet colonial past), they've been fleeing there en masse to dodge the war and I know that's causing a lot of problems in terms of relations between Russians and Georgians, even before the fact that the Georgian government keeps trying to sneak pro-Russian changes through the back door and is only stopped by massive protests.

But, and here's the thing: you shouldn't have to already know these things in order to change your mind about it when compelling facts are presented to you. But so many self-proclaimed leftist champions are carrying so much water for Russia because I guess it's apparently still the Cold War and we're all in that zero-sum imperialistic game all over again? But Russian Empire Good, USA Empire Bad, I Am Very Smart, The End? Or something.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts #russia ukraine war

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monkey-network · 3 months

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Good Stuff: Orion and the Dark

You know? I remember playing Pajama Sam 1 many moons ago and to this day I find it lovely to play. Great characters, incredible artwork, the differing routes each playthrough which I didn't even realize until then, and the ending which really stuck with me. That what was kept me anticipating Orion and the Dark, as I felt it was that spiritual successor I never knew I wanted. It sucks that Dreamworks dropped this onto streaming like it was nothing, not even on the site they own no less, but I genuinely looked forward to this and that's what matters. Now that it's out, let it be known I can't believe this will be the first Charlie Kaufman film for me. Just saying, any interest in his previous movies is gonna feel like whiplash.

Just imagining some kid loving Orion & is eventually in awe for a movie called I'm Thinking of Ending Things

To truly start this review, this might be the best kino non-Pixar Pixar movie Dreamsworks ever made. I didn't think of it having the whole "what if X had feelings" factor until now but I actually like that they take it not only in a reasonable direction, but twists the dynamic in a way Pixar honestly hasn't done since... Toy Story 4 I guess? No spoilers, but I enjoyed that Darkness and his entity friends have their insecurities, this is before they all met Orion, and they take that in a very great if offputting direction. Plus I love that they were able to personify these elements I didn't actually think about when it came to night time. They also present the biggest problem with the movie and that's the lack of real camaraderie with the entities and Orion. You enjoy the friendship between the boy and Darkness, but they streamline the bond Orion has with the others and that really makes the story hit or miss depending on if you grow to care about them. I brought up Pixar and yeah, while they have their great individual moments they don't have the same effectiveness dynamic wise as the emotions from Inside Out. Also small nitpick, but I didn't like that Dark's name is "Dark" and not "Darkness"; doesn't roll of the tongue, you know?

Plus we didn't get Orion and Dark playing Cheese & Crackers like missed opportunity of the year

Now again, this is my first Charlie Kaufman film, but I was familiar with his writing style and I gotta say I loved what he does with the structure of the story. It's a story within a story where as soon as the curtain is pulled, I was fully hooked. I love how Orion essentially helps himself overcome some of his fears both thanks to unexpected but welcomed help and developing his own confidence. It was clever how when you put a face on a fear, that fear slowly fades but the film shows that it's not something capable of a cure. Orion's neuroses dilate thanks to this adventure, he probably wouldn't have lived to tell it if otherwise, but it presents that growing up doesn't mean everything will work out perfectly or immediately. Does it do a lot to get to that point? Yes, but I felt the risks paid off in a way I don't think I've seen before in a story like this. I know as a kid I didn't have constant paralyzing premonitions regarding the worse outcomes imaginable like Orion, but on some level I remember what it's like and how it'll still fester your mind as you get older. This film, pun unintended, gets dark on a personal level and will probably stick with me long after watching it.

Can't say this scene broke me, but damn did it get close

Orion and the Dark impressed me as something thought-provoking, that does a lot more than being another adapted storybook. Is it an insanely masterful modern Dreamworks movie like Puss in Boots 2? No, even with its great subversions the movie doesn't juggle everything as well as I hoped. Then again, I highly appreciate that this was a risky movie Dreamworks was willing to release, that got both Kaufman and Werner Herzog of all people on board, as opposed to shelving it like some companies I know. A movie that doesn't spell everything out, that gets to be a family movie not constantly upbeat but colorful and optimistic in all the right ways. Orion deserves a chance where I think everyone will have interesting takeaways even if it won't be their favorite Dreamworks film in recent years. I'm overall glad I saw it and kinda want to see it again soon for missed details.

4 Out Of 5; The night truly shined with this one.

#orion and the dark #animation #movies #dreamworks animation #dreamworks #Netflix #cartoons #reviews #Good Stuff

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owlwithanapple · 4 months

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Your Hero

He is one of my favorite characters in mha. I want to write a future version of Bakugou Katsuki, I hope you guys will like it. 😘

Part 6.

( Bakugou Katsuki X Y/N )

You and Hawks are having dinner. But you are really curious about what happened between him and Dynamight just now. You took a sip of the wine and looked at Hawks' face.

"Why are you staring at me like this?" Hawks took a sip of wine.

"No, I'm just curious about what happened between you and hedgehog?" you asked.

"Hedgehog?" Hawks asked curiously.

"Ah, mistake! I mean Dynamight. What happened to you and Dynamight?" you asked.

"Hmmm..." Hawks glanced in Dynamight's direction.

"Hmmm? So?" you asked curiously.

"What do you think it is?" Hawks asked with a smile.

"If I knew, I wouldn't ask you. It's not like you didn't see the fierce look in his eyes just now." You said nervously.

"Y/N, don't think too much. It's okay." Hawks comforted you.

"Oh... okay then." You were still curious.

You didn't ask anything about Hawks and Dynamight and continued to enjoy your dinner. Although the dinner was delicious, you still felt an ominous premonition.

At this time, the waiter brought you a small cake with the words "Welcome back, Y/N" written on it. This cake is something you often buy and eat. It must have been given to you by Hawks because you have eaten it with him before.

"Keigo...this cake is?" you said happily.

"Now that you are back, how can you miss your favorite cake?" Hawks said with a smile.

"Thanks, Keigo." You said with a smile.

Sometimes like to share your own things with Hawks, because he will always remember them. You and he have only eaten this cake once, but he can remember it from then to now.

Dynamight glanced at you from time to time in his seat, seeing you and Hawks smiling so happily. He felt a little unhappy and disappointed, maybe just as Hawks said he was jealous.

"Have you considered which agency to go to?" Hawks asked.

"Keigo, actually I haven't made up my mind yet. Every hero agency that sent me an invitation letter can teach me new knowledge, but I don't know which one I should choose." You sighed.

"It turns out, take your time. The faster you rush, the easier it is to get into trouble." Hawks said.

"I know~" you said.

"Good girl." Hawks caressed your head.

Deku and Shoto seemed to have noticed that Dynamight would look at you and Hawks from time to time. Shoto wondered how long it had been since he saw Dynamight's disappointed expression.

"Bakugou, do you care about them?" Shoto asked Dynamight directly.

"Shut up! Icy Hot!" Dynamight said.

"Your expression shows it..." Shoto said.

"Todoroki what are you talking about?" Deku wondered.

"If you care, just ask her." Shoto said.

"You're so fucking annoying!" Dynamight said.

"You two, stop fighting!" Deku said in a panic.

You see Dynamight and the others seem to be having an argument. Dynamight's expression was so fierce and twisted. Shoto's face was expressionless. Deku stopped them both in a panic.

You really care what happened to Dynamight. Is he in such a bad mood today? The more you think about it, the less you understand. Should you go and ask? But what if he yells at you?

After finishing dinner, Hawks called the waiter to pay the bill. You took out your card to pay, but Hawks stopped you. You remember how many times you ate with him and you never had the chance to treat him to a meal.

"Keigo, can you let me treat you a meal?" You complained.

"Sorry, no. I'll go to the bathroom first." Hawks said with a smile.

Hawks walked into the bathroom and saw Dynamight washing his hands. Dynamight wiped his hands and leaned against the sink, looking at Hawks.

"Yo, No.1." Hawks greeted.

"Yo." Dynamight responded.

"It's just the two of us now, so you can just say it." Hawks put his hands in his pockets.

"What do you want me to say?" Dynamight glared at Hawks.

"It would be a good thing if...it's okay. But since you've been glaring at me since just now, I'm also going to be very curious." Hawks said.

"You talk a lot." Dynamight said.

"You care about Y/N, right?" Hawks said.

Dynamight looked at Hawks with a fiercer expression after hearing your name. Dynamight knows that Hawks is a smart person and who pays attention to details.

"What if it is?" Dynamight said.

"I just want to say that No.1 Hero, who is usually grumpy and steady, now actually shows this expression for Y/N." Hawks said with a smile.

"Wanting to start a fight? Dead Eagle." Dynamight said.

"Hahaha, I just came here to chat with you. I don't mean any harm." Hawks raised his hands.

"You really don't know how to talk." Dynamight was about to leave.

"But I believe you will enjoy talking about Y/N." Hawks said with a smile.

Deku walked into the bathroom and saw Hawks and Dynamight. Dynamight was glaring at Hawks with hatred in his eyes. Deku had a feeling that the two of them were going to fight.

Just when Deku was about to speak, Dynamight received a new message.

🌪️: Hedgehog, are you okay? Are you feeling uncomfortable somewhere?

Dynamight is hesitant to reply to your message because there is a Hawks in front of him that annoys him.

You send a new message and Dynamight clicks it to read it.

🌪️: So bold! You didn’t reply to my message! 💩

Dynamight couldn't help but laugh when he saw your message. Why are you so cute, and you still send this kind of message to tease him when he is about to get angry. Dynamight responds to your message.

💥:💩!

Dynamight put his phone in his pocket and stood in front of Hawks.

"I'm interested in her story, but it's not for you to tell me. Damn Eagle." Dynamight whispered.

"How scary, No. 1." Hawks said.

Dymamight left, leaving only Hawks and Deku in the bathroom. Deku was relieved to see Dynamight and Hawks not fighting. Hawks walked to the sink and washed his hands.

"Deku, No.1 is really awesome, but so scary." Hawks said.

"Kacchan was like this before. Even though he has that kind of personality on the outside, he is still considerate of others on the inside." Deku said.

"I really admire him. Even though he was bruised but he still defeat All For One. But his personality still needs to change, hahahahaha." Hawks laughed.

"Don't let him hear it or the bathroom will blow up." Deku said with a smile.

Dynamight walked out of the bathroom and saw your back sitting alone looking at your phone. He really cares about you, and he knew you were a funny and cute girl from the first meeting.

Maybe he is afraid that you will be snatched away by Hawks, so he feels uneasy. But when he receives the message that you care about him, he is really happy. The uneasiness of that moment disappeared all of a sudden because of your message.

Dynamight returns to his seat and clicks on your chat room. Although you don't chat every day, no matter how busy he is when he receives your message, he will want to reply to you immediately.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting~" Hawks walked towards you.

"I thought you fell into the toilet and almost shouted for help." You said with a smile.

Before you were about to leave the restaurant, Hawks suddenly walked over to Dynamight. You looked at Hawks's back and wondered why he suddenly walked next to Dynamight.

"What's wrong, Hawks?" Shoto asked.

"Hey, No.1. If I need your help, you can definitely help me." Hawks said.

"If you have anything to say, just say it, damn eagle!" Dynamight glared at him.

"I have to rush to work temporarily. Can you send her back?" Hawks said with a smile.

"Huh?!" You are surprised.

"You brought it yourself and you want me to send it back?" Dynamight said.

"Don't want to? That doesn't matter. I'll just make an appointment for the driver to pick her up." Hawks said.

"It's better if I send her back." Shoto raised his hand and said.

"Fuck!!" Dynamight shouted.

"Kacchan...calm down." Deku was nervous.

"I'm calm, Damn Nerd! Icy Hot, stay out of it!" Dynamight said.

You don’t mind giving them a ride home, and you don’t want to bother them with a detour. But now everyone's aura is getting more and more terrifying. They feel like lions and you feel like a rabbit caught in the middle of them.

Dynamight's expression already showed dissatisfaction, and you started to feel a little scared. What should you do when you see this expression on his face for the first time? The situation is so chaotic now that you really want to escape from the scene.

"Everyone, I think it's better to forget it. I can go back by myself without bothering you. Goodbye!" You leave the restaurant quickly.

You leave the restaurant and run as far away as possible, lest they catch up. Although they are friendly and enthusiastic to people, they are so scary in that kind of chaotic situation scare you away.

You run to a nearby convenience store think to buy yourself some chocolate ice cream. Before entering the convenience store, you stood outside the store to take a breath and calm down. Feel so tired today. Although the work is tiring, also tiring on people.

"Omg." You said to yourself.

The restaurant at this time——

"Ah la ah la, ran away." Hawks said.

"What should we do!" Deku panicked.

"It seems to have scared her, but she's very strong so she should be fine," Shoto said.

"Shut up, all of you, you're making so much noise!" Dynamight shouted.

"Hmm, what should I do, No.1?" Hawks asked.

"Damn Eagle, I should really fry you into chicken wings!" Dynamight stood in front of Hawks.

Dynamight left the restaurant and looked for you nearby. But he didn't see you, he took out his phone and dialed your number. When you saw it was his number, you didn't know whether to answer it or not. You thought for a moment and decided to answer the call.

"Hey, hedgehog. What do you want from me?" you asked.

"Where are you now?" he asked.

"I'm buying ice cream nearby. Do you want it? It's okay if you don't want it. Just ignore me." You asked nervously.

"Ok, I'll eat. Give me the location and I'll pick you up now. That's it, bye." Dynamight hung up the phone.

Dynamight hung up the phone and you sent him the location of the convenience store and waited for him to come. You don't know what to say to him. Don’t know if he still angry now. What to do if he get angry.

You wait a few minutes to see a car pull up in front of you. You know it's Dynamight's car. He opened the door and got out of the car. Although he was wearing a hat and glasses, you still recognized him.

"Hi, hedgehog." You said nervously.

"Yo." Dynamight said.

"Umm, are you in a bad mood?" you asked carefully.

"No, it's just..." Dynamight whispered.

"Just?" you ask.

"Want some ice cream, treat me." Dynamight leaned against the car.

"No problem~" you smiled.

You walked into the convenience store together, select ice cream, paid the bill, and returned to the car. Dynamight drove to a place to eat ice cream first. You chose mint-flavored ice cream on a stick, and he chose dark chocolate-flavored cup ice cream.

Now you two are alone. Dynamight hasn't spoken yet, and you don't know whether he is angry or not. He helped you unpack the ice cream and handed it to you, and you took the ice cream.

He opened the lid and ate the ice cream quietly. It was really awkward now, much quieter than usual. Want to speak? What should you say again? Neither does saying hello!

"Are you close to that eagle?" Dynamight asked first.

"Do you mean Hawks?" you wonder.

"Yes, him." He said.

"Just friends with similar interests and hobbies. What's wrong?" You felt something was wrong.

"Really just friends?" Dynamight chewed ice cream.

"Wait..., hedgehog. Are you jealous?" You looked forward to his reply.

"I'll kick you out of the car! Answer my question!" Dynamight said.

"Okay, okay, we're really just friends. I didn't lie to you." You explained.

"You always call him Keigo?" he asked.

"Yeah, I call him Hawks at work and Keigo in private." You said.

"Tchhh, fuck it!" Dynamight said.

"Neh, hedgehog. Answer me honestly, are you jealous?" You poked him.

You are very concerned about whether he is jealous, because he is so cute like this! You really want to poke him in the face! No.1 Hero is cute sometimes! What should you do if you want to bully him?

"What if it is?" He looked at you.

"Eh? I..." Suddenly you became shy.

He didn't give you a definite answer, but you suddenly felt shy and your heart beat rapidly. What the hell is going on with you! This is Dynamight, why are you blushing at him?

"Hedgehog, Hawks and I are truly friends. Trust me." You told him seriously.

For some reason you wanted to show him that you and Hawks were really just friends. Hope he doesn't misunderstand your relationship. But you really liked seeing his jealous expression.

"I believe you." Dynamight pinched your cheek gently.

"Why are you pinching me~" You grabbed his hand.

"I feel bad seeing you!" he said.

"Are you just unhappy with me or are you unhappy with me being with other boys?" you asked teasingly.

"You still haven't learned your lesson, Y/N." Dynamight smiled.

"Don't you like me now?" You teased him shyly.

"Y/N, be careful what you say to me." Dynamight approaches you.

"You obviously like me very much, arrogant Lord Dynamight." You also approached him.

"Call me Katsuki in private." He said.

"Huh?" You were surprised.

Did you hear that correctly? He asked you to call him Katsuki? Why? Could it be that he really jealous when you called Hawks‘s name? Maybe he lets you call him because he considers you a friend?

"Ka..." you said.

"Huh?" Dynamight looked at you.

"Hedgehog!" You shyly shouted his nickname.

"Damn it! Such a bad girl ah you!" He pinched your cheek.

"Please forgive me, my cheeks are gone~" you said coquettishly.

Suddenly Dynamight's phone rang, it was Shoto. Dynamight looked at his phone with an unhappy look on his face, wondering whether to answer it.

You sit next to hun and think about how close your faces were just now! What are you thinking about? What is he thinking too? It's so intimate! You still feel your heart beating faster when you glance at him.

"Speak." Dynamight answered the call.

"It's okay, she's next to me! I'll take her back later!" Dynamight said and hung up.

"Is it them?" you wonder.

"Yeah, they're worried about you." Dynamight said.

"Are you worried about me?" you asked teasingly.

"Shut up or I'll kick you out of the car!" Dynamight said.

"You are obviously worried about me, but you just won't admit it." You said.

"I'll leave you alone and go back." Dynamight looked outside.

"I believe you will never abandon me." You smiled.

"So confident." Dynamight looks at you.

"Of course!" you said with a smile.

You always loved teasing Dynamight because you knew he wasn't really angry with you. But sometimes enough is enough, and still can't tell whether he is really angry or not.

"Enough fun, I'll take you back now." Dynamight said.

"I never have enough fun with you." You said with a smile.

"Hahahaha, I won't bore you." Dynamight said teasingly.

"I know, that's why I like to tease you~" you said teasingly.

"Be careful what you say, and be careful I don't let you go home." Dynamight said with a smirk on his face.

"Eh?" You blushed because of his words.

You are really in trouble...

Part 6 end.

*If you have any ideas, you can leave them in the comment section, and I will try to add in the story.*

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