just got out of the shower. clean clothes. freshly washed hair. moisturized skin. some hot tea. soft lights. ready to start my late-afternoon study session. is this happiness?
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[ 22nd april, 2024 • DAY 71/145 ]
have so much stuff to do, it's really overwhelming. have been feeling like i don't have time for hobbies or down time, but really i'm just using my time badly. gotta fix my procrastination and use that time to rest and do fun stuff instead. every week is going to be brutal from now on, too (3 minitests + projects)
-> classes (total: 3h30)
-> studied for the Comp minitest (read wiki + did available exercises)
-> volleyball practice (total: 2h00)
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April 24, 2024 • Wednesday
Chill day, studying and listening to Taylor Swift's new album as one does.
🎧 So High School — Taylor Swift
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24.04.2024
3/100 days of productivity! Studied math a little, journaled and went for a walk. Weather is still terrible and I have no motivation to be productive :'( Currently watching big bang with Italian subtitles. Trying to consume more media in Italian but the dubbing isn't the best most of the time. If you have any recommendations I'm open to suggestions. I am an international student in Italy and I would like to learn the language before I graduate
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days of october 🍂
aka coffee, daily walks and never-ending thesis work
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That thing when you ask your professor a question and they get that distant look in their eyes and stare into space for a while and you can see them racking their brain for an answer and then, they get really excited when they realize that they dont know so now they have an excuse to research something new >>>
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gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.
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[ 24th april, 2024 • DAY 73/145 ]
national holidays are always so difficult because my uni always forces us to go to class on the previous day and it's awful. i had 2 tests today because of this. CG went horribly, couldn't have been worse. Comp was fine, i think, but haven't gotten the grade back yet ;-;
-> classes (total: 3h30)
-> Comp 2.4 notes + 6/6 exercises
-> took a nap
-> sketched for like 2h (working on faces, experimenting with different expressions and noses. next goal: colour, side profiles, dynamic poses)
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We need to get a little uncomfortable for a minute. But it's ok. You have to be uncomfortable in order to grow.
You're going to fail. You're going to disappoint people and yourself. You're going to have moments where you're so overwhelmed that you're curled in a ball crying and frustrated. You're going to miss important milestones. You're going to drop the ball so many times things seem impossible. You're going to fail. You're going to be mean. You're going to be a bad person at points. It's life. It happens. You just need to understand that it happens. And on those days where you want to dissappear and never be seen again because everything is too much, your brain is going to amplify all these faults and failures and make them seem worse.
Babe. We all go through this. We ALL fail. We ALL make awful choices and fuck people and ourselves over. We ALL will have moments where we are the villains. Where we completely fail a lot of people in our lives due to bad decisions. It will happen. Probably multiple times. What matters is that you recognize these things and make appropriate changes in your life to help make sure that next time isn't as bad. Maybe start learning time management so you're not stressed constantly and blowing up on everyone. Maybe find a healthy outlet like painting or the gym or cooking. Find small, simple joys to make life better. It's going to suck. You're going to be the bad guy. But that's not your entire life.
It's uncomfortable and hard to sit with. Sometimes things are your fault. Sometimes you make bad choices and they fuck your life up and fuck others over at the same time. It happens. You can't change the past, but you have the power to change your future. You can change your future. Talk to people. Find yourself outlets. Learn skills. Things get better, but they only do so if you put the effort for them to do so. I love you. You're trying. And that's all you can do. And one day you'll slip backwards and feel so defeated but when that happens, you'll have many tools to help you get even further. I promise babe everything will be ok.
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