#does he know he doesn’t need to put EVERYTHING ppl tag him in on his story

[onedrinkafter]

pippo says madridista rights

#pippo inzaghi #does he know he doesn’t need to put EVERYTHING ppl tag him in on his story #he’s so cute #the little memoji

[rv3rblog]

gaz as your bf pt2

warnings: maybe some ooc (so srry), military inaccuracies (ik nthn abt it), english people inaccuracies (bc idk anything abt british ppl ?? like so srry i only know things abt mexicans and americans)

genre: fluff (so sweet im gna cry)

kyle “gaz” garrick x male!reader (can also be read as ftm! trans reader bc no genitalia is mentioned)

part i

look at him, so pretty hes so bf i wanna kiss him so bad. just look at him :((

gaz as ur bf pt. ii — officially dating headcannons (beginning of relationship!)

i will always imagine gaz as a silly loverboy who is so head over heels for you

when you two first started dating he’s kinda bashfull, he has a small smile on his face as he rubs his neck as he talks to you

first time he calls you pretty it catches both of you off guard

he starts trying to apologize, stuttering as he does so but once he sees you laughing and telling him it’s fine? he never stops calling you pretty :(

especially when you get shy about it and hide behind your hands

he just thinks you’re so pretty :((

he’s also most definitely the type to pepper kisses onto your face

just going all over your face when he sees you after being deployed

the first time he comes back from a mission he just sends you a text letting you know he’s back and you���re like vibrating in your seat at home

you tell him to come over whenever he wants and you send him your address

he’s slightly baffled but, he’s also so head over heels he goes over the next day

you two hang around each other all day and he sees how homely your home is and it makes him so happy

he definitely stalks around your house as he takes in every little knick knack and notices your interests

you make him dinner and he just watches you with adoration in his eyes

you just laugh at him and tell him to stop bc it’s flustering you and he doesn’t bc he think you’re just so cute when you’re pouting at him and trying to hide your face

gaz as ur bf but uve been dating for months/years

the type of bf that pouts when you don’t give him a kiss before you leave the house

if you guys go shopping he’s always following you around like a lost puppy, carrying your bags and saying you look good in everything you try on

“oh you’re so pretty baby.”

“you should get that love, it’d look nice on you.”

“you’re such a pretty boy, how did i get so lucky?”

you guys exchange letters when he’s back on base

i miss you gaz, come home soon and healthy. i need you to be safe out there. you mean a lot to me.

he carries a letter with him every time he leaves on a mission, either the first one you ever wrote him or the latest one he got

when he writes you letters he always addresses you as: lovey, baby, or my pretty boy

hey lovey, today was a hard day. training with ghost was tiring, he’s always expecting the best of us and i don’t hate it. my body is just tired right now…

to my pretty boy, your shirts stopped smelling like you a while ago. i miss you a lot…

baby, thank you for your letter (and the polaroid). i really think you should talk to your boss about it…

he has all your letters in a box under his bed at base :(

he keeps the photos you send him there as well

he wishes he could keep one with him in his wallet but he knows he’d put you in danger if he were to get captured or kia

he isn’t trying to hide them, it’s just the easiest place to grab them from after training

he takes at least two of your shirts with him to base and puts them over his pillow and cuddles it wishing it was you

whenever he has nightmares he re reads your letters as they calm him down (he imagines you’re in the room with him speaking to him)

when he’s back home he hugs you immediately and the two of you just cuddle in silence once you’re back home

he isn’t picky about the position at all, he just wants to be close to you (only really picky after a harsh mission)

he puts his dog tags on you when he’s on leave with you

the first time it happened caught you off guard

kyle looks at you, his eyes impossibly soft as he watches you reading on the couch. it’s a lazy day and all you’re really wearing is one of his shirts and your boxers.

he walks over to you and leans over your shoulder, kissing your cheek. you hum softly and look over at him.

“mm?” you hum.

“you looked peaceful,” he whispers. “cute.”

“was reading,” you whisper back. “the main character just found out that their mom is still alive.”

he hums softly and kisses your cheek again, walking over to sit next to you. he keeps his eyes on you.

“have i got something on my face?” you ask.

he shakes his head and you hum, not fully content with his answer. when you go back to your book, he takes off his dog tags and holds them in his hands for a second.

“hey love?” he asks.

you look up at him.

“come here.”

you move to sit closer to him, your book on the other side of the couch. he smiles at you, caressing your cheek as he kisses your forehead softly.

it’s then, when he does it.

he puts his dog tags over your head and watches as it settles on your chest. you gasps softly, surprised by the action. he twirls his tags around his fingers and pulls you closer to him.

“this?” he whispers, his voice dropping. “this means you’re mine pretty boy.”

#might write a full fic abt my pretty boy idk #fanfiction #kyle garrick #x male reader #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x y/n #gaz x male reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x y/n #kyle garrick x reader #kyle garrick x male reader #gaz x ftm!reader #ftm!reader #cod x reader #cod mw x reader

[sommerregenjuniluft]

weekend snippet 🐜

Ant Pile won on the poll and i’m gonna be honest i didn’t think ppl were much interest in my little rosekiller babies so i got a bit emotional jdkdhj i’m so glad!! :,

thank you for the tags @kaaaaaaarf, @xjustakay and @pinkthekla <3 (i think it was u guys, i’m too lazy to scroll back and check lmao)

Face scrunched up and Evan is a bit distracted honestly with Barty’s lower lip sticking out and all and he demands they strip and immediately take a shower before they get stains on something valuable.

Evan nods because that makes sense and it’s no different from showering in the shower stalls in school, right?

So he toes off his shoes and watches Barty fumble with his belt and suddenly it all feels a bit much.

Suddenly he doesn’t know how much looking is a normal amount, because staring the whole time is definitely not but not watching at all is probably even more suspicious, isn’t it?

And Evan tries to remind himself It’s just B, just Barty—the kid with snot running down his face and the one that does everything with Evan so there’s no need to feel so…this.

ah yes nothing like 16 year old boys experiencing gay panic ✨

EXTRA SNIPPET because i actually did write something new yesterday lol, this one’s for teddy<3 cw: drug use and kinda nsfw?

Barty turns around to him, sniffs and then puts a hand high on Regulus inner thigh, open mouth twitching into a menacing smile.

Licks the pad of his middle finger, collects the residue pill dust from the smooth glass surface and then reaches right for Regulus.

Regulus doesn’t know what Barty’s plan is at first, but he opens his mouth nonetheless, instinctively and then Barty is probing with his finger along Regulus’ upper row of teeth.

Sliding his digit over Regulus’ gums and then down and under his tongue, then back on his tongue.

Another finger slipped in and full on just shoving them down Regulus’ throat.

He gags, eyes tearing up and coughs a bit as Barty continues to fuck his mouth with two of his fingers in a room full of fucking people.

#open tags? since the weekend is over lol #fic: ant pile #rosekiller #bartylus #rosekiller fic #bartylus fic #dw these are seperate fics fjkskd #lune writes

[oldsargasso]

You have had your hands full! Don’t worry I have ENDLESS fanon thoughts so I will do my best to keep your ask box company 😌

Yes the advantage of feeding ourselves is we get to pick the menu!! I am CERTAIN at this point that Garfield and Benz simply pulled this ship out of thin air and made up their own headcanons to fill in for their lack of screentime LMAO. And NO YOU HAVE NOT TOLD ME ABOUT THIS WIP!! HOOKUPS FOLLOWED BY BETRAYAL?? BY TONY’S TOTALLY NORMAL PA?? YES PLEASE. I am basically eagerly awaiting everything you write at this point. AND YES KENTA IS INVESTED! How can his new boyfriend keep his visa if the team’s funding gets cut? Tragic.

This is why Kim is the realest to me. He asked for none of this and just rolled with the punches when most ppl would have either kept their heads down or fucked off. Objectively The Best. (SHFKFKFJJD Try telling Kim that Tony is his new owner—see how that goes down 😆)

(You are so right as always. Kim deserves ppl kneeling at his feet.)

Double offenses against us specifically, I’ll never recover. I’LL NEVER FORGIVE THEM IF WE DON’T EVENTUALLY GET SOME SORT OF FOLLOW-THROUGH! But yes supportive bf Kenta, it’s absolutely canon, he was definitely lurking in the stands somewhere.

Winner is so iconic and I love him… (multiple timelines running in our heads to carry all of the five hundred ships this show has provided)

Please give me ALL of your thoughts about collars, I beg of you, I live for this. Kenta would ABSOLUTELY be wearing his on the regular—he needs that reassuring weight under his shirt (totally normal about it saying “Kim’s” or smth similar on the tag). Like he’s fine with being a dog as long as it means he’s a beloved pet who doesn’t get cast aside! And Winner is ABSOLUTELY the type to bitch about a collar. He prob tried to make fun of Kenta for being collared (gets almost stabbed for it), but also passive aggressively moans about “Where’s MY present?” and then bitches about the collar when he DOES get it. And I’m SCREAMING HE DESERVES TO BE MUZZLED he’d be so cute… And Dean would look SO pretty in his collar (when is he NOT pretty tho lbr). PLEASE feel free to go on about what they look like! Kim can carry the keys to the collars around his neck 😌

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FICS! The KentaDean one is basically written just for the two of us. “The system works” LMFAO RESTORATIVE JUSTICE IN ACTION? Dean thinks he’s being SUBTLE but he has the BIGGEST puppydog expression when he wants something, like he emotes SO much in comparison to Kenta and Kim.

“He’s not a narcissist he’s just oblivious” ahdjfjf OUR BELOVED DUMBASS LOSER… I love the way he was as Tony’s henchman, like “I’m gonna be SUCH a good evil henchman my parents told me I was basically overqualified for this job—you want bodyguards? I’ll GET you bodyguards. I let those guys escape but I TOTALLY foiled their little scooby-doo plot because I am the BEST henchman. I’m SOOO much better than Kenta you know like fuck that guy and his stupid handsome eyes-“ Again it’s like… he gives himself so much affirmation he doesn’t need it from others; it’s just attention he wants. He’s SO interesting! And I love the contrast of Kim’s response to Tony being “Absolutely NOT” while Winner’s is “Absolutely YES” they should fuck about it, for our enjoyment.

I’M PLACING MY BETS ON THE MV COMING OUT THIS FRIDAY (prob late evening for you?). I think they’ll save the more emotional ones for after the fanmeet next week (unless they’re only doing one MV drop a month in which case haha catch me lying deceased on the floor!) 

HOW COULD YOU BREAK MY POOR LITTLE HEART LIKE THIS?? DEAN HAVING SOMETHING WITH KIM (A FRESH START) ONLY TO END UP FEELING LIKE HE’S BEEN REPLACED… AGAIN… WHY DO WE KEEP PUTTING HIM IN SITUATIONSHIPS AND THEN MAKING HIM FEEL REJECTED. I’M HURTING 😭😭😭 I feel like having Kim’s attention would be so fulfilling? Rewarding? That the slight absence of it is like the sun going out. DEVASTATING (and DELICIOUS for me). But Pete just dropping Kenta off like Kim is running a doggy daycare is hilarious dkfjehshf I have this mental image of Pete carrying Kenta by the scruff of his neck?? And Dean is self-destructing while Kim is just. Unfazed about all of it! Dean wants him to be jealous, meanwhile Kim is like. “It’s physically impossible to be jealous of Winner. But if he hurt you, if he forced you, if you hated it, that’s a different conversation.” I just really need someone going to bat for Dean. There’s something to explore about the difference between possessiveness (what Dean wants or thinks he wants) and protectiveness (what Kim will actually provide).

I will send you five million more words about my ideas once you’ve had a chance to read the fic, since it expounds a lot on what I mentioned before and also just my feelings about our doggies. Also I’ve got like, various heat scenarios to talk about as well! 

honestly Garfield and Benz are throwing themselves into this ship with no reservations. I hope they get cast in another show together clearly they deserve to make out on camera like they want 😌

I'm honestly like. mad about that fic lmao I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote a whole bunch of it in my notes app and then when I woke up the next day I CLOSED THE NOTES WITHOUT SAVING. devastated. have to start from scratch. BUT now I'm like. it would probably work better from Kim's POV? but then I'd have to rewrite this which I really like lol :(

When Mr Tony had told Kenta to organise for Kim to be picked up from the airport and taken to the hotel, he definitely hadn't meant for Kenta to do the chauffeuring himself. But finding the loopholes in Tony's orders was how Kenta managed his life these days, so he was waiting in Arrivals in his usual black suit with a printed sign at 6pm the following Tuesday, surrounded by a group of men attired and be-signed much the same. Which was probably why Kim didn't give Kenta a second glance as he walked up. No big deal; Kenta’s used to being overlooked. “K’Kim?” he asks in polite confirmation, although he recognises Kim very well from the photographs he’s studied. Kim gives him a nod. This time he takes a good look at Kenta, sharp eyes sweeping from his carefully styled hair down to his perfectly shined shoes.

anyway then they go to Kim's hotel room and hook up and it starts from there.

Kim in the last few episodes is the BEST. he's just like "time fro breakfast! sure I'll chase down a teenager for a phone. sure I'll come along and beat up Winner in a funky jacket. sure I'll join your racing team and adopt north and sonic as my babies."

I NEED A FOLLOW UP I NEED A SPECIAL EPISODE OR A SEASON TWO. I hope we get something, even tiny crumbs, from the fanmeeting coming up. until it happens I can live in hope lmao.

!!! NOT THE KEYS THAT'S PERFECT!!! oh for sureee Kenta wears his basically all the time. its definitely black leather, right? he has a day collar something like this. or it says return to owner with Kim's details!! and then he has a more substantial collar for when they're at home, with rings for attaching a leash or ties to. yessss Winner. he doesn't care about it but also he should be given presents especially if other people are getting presents! I feel like his collar is red. probably leather as well. spiked!! or maybe something like a martingale collar so it's fine until someone pulls on it. imagine how pretty something like this would be for Dean though! or was thinking like an actual chain necklace/choker so he can wear it all the time and it's all delicate. I'm just imagining them all at the club or whatever, I think Kim deserves to hook his fingers in Kenta's collar while they're sitting drinking and pull him in until he's practically in Kim's lap. or maybe dancing and Kim tugs Dean's shirt down to show off his neck and Kim's claim.

IT WAS SO GOOD as you could probably tell by the insane comment I left. Dean has NO POKER FACE WHATSOEVER he's so easy to read!! how did he get away with any crimes!

the bad guy mv….DELIGHTFUL. even if it was just singing and dancing I love it with every part of my heart.

we keep putting Dean in this situations because he's….so pretty when he cries and is all emotional. BUT LIKE. Kim's not even stopping anything with Dean! in my head he's not even really starting anything with kenta, he's just being supportive and helping the guy integrate into society like a functioning human being. but of course nobody can use their words. Dean alwasy goes from 0-100 INSTANTLY. "It’s physically impossible to be jealous of Winner" LMAOOO. so true. askjfh PAINNNN. Dean definitely thinks he wants possessiveness - I think that's why the polycule works because Kim does offer protectiveness but I think both Winner and Kenat go for possessiveness. Winner because they're HIS things. and Kenta because he's had so little and can't lose any more. Kim is like. "unhealthy! but also…kinda hot." sometimes you just want a dude to go a little bit feral over you. okay.

!!! SEND HEAT RELATED THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY. we should also talk about designations. I think in the show they're all just. not alphas. but personally I cannot write Winner as anything but an alpha. I tend to go for the other three as betas except for the fics I started early in the show with Kenta as an alpha lol. and I just started messing about with a sci fi au where perhaps Kim's suppressant chip malfunctions and it turns out he's not a beta and now he's about to go into heat in a very cramped ship... but I'm pretty sure I can be convinced any way for these four lol.

#pit babe #pit babe polycule #asks

[zylian]

Mapicc time travel au is so complicated cause I have no idea how he would react after being sent back in time

Like imagine he’s back in team awesome, wtf does he do knowing the dupes are gonna cause Parrot & Spoke to fight, Zam to betray and Ro to go on a power trip

The guy knows about exploits so is he gonna stick with Spoke and repeat everything. Does this guy just say screw it or would he side with new people? He likes power and to save himself would he put up with it and try to save Ro too?

Mapicc would definitely alter the time line by accident

I feel like if Mapicc was sent back in time there has to be 2 Mapiccs, the original and one with a black tag (the final wormhole version)

I don’t see the 2 of them getting along

Imagine wormhole Mapicc having infinite strength 2, infinite regeneration & absorption (no way other Mapicc trusts him with those effects)

Dude is unkillable and in an entirely different timeline with no way to get back

Bonus would be he can’t go back to his “team” because the other Mapicc won’t allow him so he’s stuck with teaming with anyone else (he can’t figure it out on his own so he needs ppl)

He would have to explain everything to those who have no idea what he went through and hope they believe him or go to Ash/Vitalasy/Subz since they technically already know about the exploits. Spoke is such a wild card

Just matters who Mapicc doesn’t initially piss off/ don’t want to kill him

#zy au #zy live thoughts

[logicalstansadvice]

Why would you read and nitpick the words of someone you profess to despise and hate so much, as soon as he posts them?/ There is something called maddiction, an addiction to righteous outrage. "The more outraged we are at others, the purer we feel. The purer we feel, the more we assume it's our duty to be outraged at others." For these people outrage at someone else's failings evaporates all recollection of their similar failings. When outraged, they feel righteous which leads to more outrage.

Anon 2: I don't like a bunch of celebrities for various reasons, >> Me too. I have some accounts blocked because I don't care what they do. I was in a session with a psychoanalyst, and this woman started to report the problem she had with a person at work, and he said that she needed to pay attention to what she said, his behavior did not affect her life and the work. She had to wonder why it bothered her so much? Seb haters need to know why they care so much about him.

Anon 3: I have yet to see a misstep of his that makes me think it was malicious intent on his end, but I have definetly come to terms with the fact that he's seemingly lacking quite some awareness and foresight (and his team too, apparently). // My thoughts exactly. I think his missteps come more from naiveté and ignorance than malice, and his PR team – who should be the ones to look out for that – doesn't help at all.

Anon 4: He said nothing that wasn’t incredibly kind. >> This. What he posted he had already said in interviews during the promo. There was nothing new.

Anon 5: with receipts of them hyping up Elvis, Ana de armas’ in blonde, Lizzie olsens HBO >> False activism. Most don't care what they complain about, they're furious that Seb received an Emmy nomination. If they cared, they wouldn't be pretending to support a woman who said the Playboy guy didn't exploit women.

Anon 6: What’s iffy to me is putting the worst possible interpretation on a simple tag// anon, Pamela made it clear she wants nothing to do with this series and still he decided to tag her. How would you feel if the worst moment of your life was being played again for millions of people. You keep excusing everything Seb does and refuse to treat him like an adult that makes his own decisions. This whole thing proves he does not care who he hurts as long as it gets him more fame and money.

Anon 7: For me the issue is the lack of awareness to say that the show is about denouncing lack of consent while at the same time violating the consent of the main victim. Seb makes it worse with his post, especially by tagging Pam. I really hope that the Emmy nom was worth it because this project has made a lot of people look at him in a negative light and it might hinder his career in the long run.

Anon 8: All these people who are painting Pam as the victim don’t realise that she herself doesn’t care for ‘victims’. During the Harvey Weinstein case, she straight up blamed the women for the assaults and idk what to call this awful behaviour. Of course what happened to her was terrible, but no need to paint her as a saint. Also she still has a good relationship with Tommy as far as we know.

Anon 9: I watched P&T and I kindda understand why he wrote and tag Pam in recent his IG post. The show was about Pam and Tommy was not a good person but he was also a person who loved Pam. I assume ppl who complaint didn’t watch the show so they will not understand and I got it. And refer to Reddit post, it the same user who seem to cancel or witch hunt Seb. They post negatively about Seb many time. So it was just a hate post, nothing interesting there.

Anon 10: Why would you read and nitpick the words of someone you profess to despise and hate so much, as soon as he posts them? / My favorite part is when they show up in his comment section as soon as he posts, preaching, screeching and ranting, like he's right there and can listen to their bullshit and vile insults. They look like the proverbial madman talking to the walls, but they call this unhinged behaviour "calling him out". Like he's not fed up with their insanity since 2018, lol.

Anon 11: The staircase too. The family said they were traumatized again by the series. No one is sending hate to the series. / The Staircase would be a good example if you necessarily want to be "outraged" by a show inspired by real life events. It was a murder - which, whatever you might say, is more serious than a sex tape -, the family is against it, and, what is worse, they tried to contact the family after filming the series. However, never in a million years would cross my mind to hate the actors.

Anon 12: "I get what he was trying to say, he just used to many words to convey it." Look, he knows he's not winning. This was his one last chance to really thank everyone involved and to again direct people to what he thought was important about the show. He did, and if you honestly believe mentioning Pam or tagging her is some huge deal that deserves cancelling him again instead of a kind, inclusive gesture toward her, there's something very, very wrong with you.

Lady Danger - This project will not hinder fuck all in his career. He is not the first actor or actress to be in a controversial project and he won’t be the last. If you do not like him for whatever reason:

#logical stans advice #logicalstansadvice #sebastian stan #opinion blog #anonymous

[1kook]

ZOOM CALL

⇢ meeting two

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

⇢ series masterlist

summary: Most notably, there’s one group project waiting for you, which leads you to Friday. Sitting at your desk, bright and early, absolutely dreading being assigned to your group. genre: fluff, slice of life, smut (tags tba) warnings: ITS A SLOW BURN OKAY...., sweetheart jk, campus crush jk, college crushes, social distancing, zoom -_-, jk owns a keroppi plush, oc thirsts over his hot bod, jk’s sweet attempts at flirting </3 he’s just 2 cute for his own good ratings: e for everyone <3 wc: 3.7k

notes: this took long bc i wrote one version but it was SO LAME u guys r lucky my friend and editor ( @kigurumu​ 🖤 ) stopped me from posting it. so then i had to reorganize my thoughts n b like girl. the ppl are waiting. get it together. anyway here’s zoom jk 😎

Being grouped with Jeon Jungkook (he/him) for your first class on the first day of your first Zoom semester truly sets the standard.

By no means do your other classes suck; they’re quite enjoyable, more relevant to your area of study. They’re familiar which makes them comfortable, your Zoom meetings filled with faces you’ve seen time and time again the last four years. The material interests you, so you definitely don’t have anything against them or your classmates. 

That being said, no one is prepared for the awkwardness that comes with each and every Zoom meeting. You never thought you’d be embarrassed to turn your mic on— to speak in a class filled with your peers. And the meetings are all like that, filled with uncomfortable silences and endless black screens. 

You wish there was a Jeon Jungkook (he/him) in every class. 

Jungkook’s just got this bubbly aura to him, this magnetic presence that staples itself into the back of your mind with each passing day. No one fills a Zoom call like he does, making every person laugh and smile like him. 

Wednesday rolls around and you find yourself a little disheartened when you don’t get sorted into the same randomized group as him again. Disappointment melts into annoyance when you find out how incompetent your other classmates are, refusing to speak in the small group or just completely clocking out all together. A lot of them didn’t do the reading— the one you stayed up all night doing —and your first partnered assignment of the semester finds you doing it all by yourself. Muted mics, black windows, complete radio silence; you hated it all. 

You find yourself weirdly longing for Jeon Jungkook’s presence, even if he’s only there to talk about some movie he saw last night. No one is as much of a chatterbox as him, can’t even hold a candle to the way he draws everyone in with his mindless conversations. At least he speaks during Breakout Rooms, you think bitterly. 

Anyway, the first week of classes ends and your brain is a frenzied mess. There’s schedules to memorize, professors to impress, assignments to plan out. There’s definitely no time to sit around and fantasize about the curly haired cutie in one of your general classes. The weekend is spent trying to organize your planner, filling in due dates and exam days ahead of time. It’s your last semester and you’re dead set on making it your best one yet. There’s a lot of written work this time around, analyses and research papers that need to be organized. The road ahead is manageable, but you’ll have to work hard to keep it that way for the next five months. 

Most notably, there’s one group project waiting for you, which leads you to Friday. Sitting at your desk, bright and early, absolutely dreading being assigned to your group.

Jungkook is early this time, not like on Monday where he’d been one of the last to filter in, and he’s looking as chirpy as ever. Donning this horrendously hot pink shirt, completely unlike the neutral tones he’d worn during your last two meetings and that decorate his room, and the cutest pair of circle glasses sitting on his nose. He says his regularly scheduled ‘good morning’ to you all and receives a collective response from the rest of the class that not even your professor got. 

Speaking of the professor, you’ve been giving him the stink eye this whole time. Not that he can tell, given the fact he’s probably miles away in his own home while you angrily glare at him through your webcam. It’s this old guy who’s decided to sort you all into semester long groups for the class, which is the absolute worst. These types of groups always go the same way: you make a group chat promising to study together, those plans fall through, and then everyone just leeches off of each other for homework answers. And in most cases, it’s you handing over your homework answers because no one else ever bothers to do anything. Sadly, it’s a routine you’ve had to suffer through many times in your academic career. 

The thought makes you sick. Having to spend another semester being labeled as the bossy, nerdy dictator of the group? Not exactly how you wanted to spend the last few months of college, but there’s nothing you can do. Maybe this time around you’ll just let it be, won’t fight it (and by it, you mean your lazy classmates when they inevitably try to guilt trip you for homework) and simply let it run its course. 

“I’m going to put you guys into Breakout Rooms with your new groups!” your professor claps excitedly, and then you and the rest of your classmates are forced to watch him lean too close to the camera as he begins clicking around to find the preset groups he’s assigned the class. “Remember, guys, this is it for the rest of the semester. So if something isn’t right, let me know by the end of today.” 

Man, this was going to suck, you groan. The syllabus had said that the purpose of these groups was to keep you all connected with your classmates during these trying times, to give you the same opportunities in-person learning would. Frankly, you’re not too worried about making friends with everyone in this large class. Most of them are younger than you anyway, save for Jeon Jungkook (he/him) and a handful of others who are apparently in your year. Befriending lowerclassmen only to have to bid them adieu in a few months seems awfully sad, a little too heartbreaking. You really just want to get a good grade in this class, collect the last of your credits, and put this whole college experience behind you. 

Your thoughts are wrapped up by the pop-up message that appears on screen. 

The host is inviting you to join a Breakout Room: Group 12

You sigh, contemplate dropping this class for all of two seconds, before dutifully accepting the request. Worse comes to worst, you make up some lie to tell your professor that you’re allergic to group work and hope it works. (It won’t.) 

You sit through the mandatory loading screen for a few seconds before being abruptly dumped into your new room, Group 12, or so the message had said. There’s no one else here yet, which isn’t really a surprise. A lot of your classmates are probably like you, scowling at the pop up message every time your professor sends you into small groups before accepting the request. So you chill by yourself, eyes tracing over your own mirrored image. The notes on last night’s reading are neatly laid out before you, your copy of the book off to the side. 

Another beat and then, much to your surprise, Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is appearing in your room. “Oh,” he says, round eyes magnified by the thick lens of his glasses, the glare of the computer’s glow casting a funny shape across the lens that momentarily robs you of his pretty eyes. His pretty pink lips stretch into a smile, upper lip thinning out a bit when he flashes you those perfect teeth. “Hi, __,” he greets politely, bubbly. 

It’s embarrassing how much his presence affects you, your back going ramrod straight in a terrible attempt to compose yourself. “Hi, Jungkook,” you manage to get out, fingers nervously reaching for something, anything, to ground yourself. They land on a pencil. 

Jungkook doesn’t seem even the slightest bit aware of the commotion he causes within you. “I was really nervous for these groups,” he begins rambling right away, lips pushing down into an exaggerated frown as he shivers at the memory. “But I’m glad I got placed with someone hardworking like you!”

Despite how sweet he sounds, you’re not entirely sure if he’s buttering you up just to take advantage of your ‘hardworking’ attitude later down the road or if he’s genuinely being polite. The little information you know about Jungkook wants you to believe it is the latter; he’s very kind, sweet and nice in a way that makes everyone he speaks to feel warm. Still, for all you know this could be some elaborate ruse of his to make you trust him now and then convince you to do all the work for the rest of the semester. 

Tentatively, you ask, “and how would you know that?” You try your best to keep your usual snappiness out of your voice, pose it simply out of curiosity. But everything you say or do feels like a stark contrast to Jungkook and his bubbliness. 

His head tilts cutely to the side, imploring brown eyes looking at you for one hard second. And then, “I read your forum analysis from Wednesday,” he admits, breaking into a smile. Shy and tiny, bashfully looking down at his desk. “I thought your perspective on the piece was really interesting,” he says, lips pursing together as if he’s suddenly too embarrassed to admit such things to you. 

Stunned, all you can manage is one slow nod. “Thank you,” you eventually choke out, trying to ward the heat away from your cheeks as Jungkook sheepishly nods back, cute smile still on his face. 

“Oh, please,” he chuckles, raising his hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Don’t thank me!” 

It is in this exact moment that you are suddenly made aware of two things. 

One: despite his collection of soft sweaters and t-shirts, his bouncy curls and sweet smile, Jeon Jungkook’s body is neither as cute nor as soft as any of his belongings. In fact, Jeon Jungkook’s body is all hard planes and prominent veins. Arms beefy, biceps that bulge beneath the fabric of the short sleeve t-shirt he’s donned today. His shoulders fill out the material nicely, making him look broad and huge, but that’s not even the worst part, because—

—two: Jeon Jungkook is covered in ink. Dark streaks and swirls paint his forearms, curling around his elbow. Every inch of his pale skin is littered with tiny designs. They dance along the back of his hands, over his knuckles, and end at an unidentifiable point beneath the sleeve of his t-shirt. When he tugs at the neckline of his shirt in an effort to readjust it, you hope your eyes are deceiving you and that isn’t a hint of ink by his collarbone. 

Your normal composure seems to slip away at the mere thought. 

It’s Jungkook’s voice that brings you back, a soft timbre that asks, “aren’t we supposed to have someone else in our group?” You flinch as if you’ve been caught ogling him, never mind the fact he’s started mindlessly shuffling some papers around on his desk, not the slightest bit concerned with you. 

“Oh— um, yes. I think,” you stammer, feeling like some creep for ogling your very cute, very sweet classmate. The memory of his inky skin nearly sends a shiver down your spine as you navigate back to the class syllabus. “We’re supposed to have at least three people,” you read off, glancing at the boy on your screen who frowns at the news. 

“Do you think they dropped?” Given it was still only the first week of school, probably. There had been a fewer number of people in the call when it started, you remembered. Jungkook sighs, this rather light sound that ends in a hum. “Well, we can always wait a few minutes just in case.”

So you wait, nervously bouncing your leg up and down. It’s not awkward, or at least, not as awkward as it would be with anyone else. The other week you had silently sat with another classmate in a one-on-one discussion and hadn’t uttered a word for five minutes. It wasn’t because you didn’t care about the class, but because said classmate had been tapping away on their phone the entire time and hadn’t even responded to your simple greeting. That was awkward. 

With Jungkook it’s more weird than awkward. You can tell the silence makes him uncomfortable because he keeps doing these tiny inhales like he’s about to speak, followed by a little head shake where he seemingly stops himself from saying anything at all. He wants to talk, very badly it seems, but holds back for some odd reason. 

He’s scribbling on some sheet of paper, leaning forward to give you a view of the top of his head. From this angle, his shirt hangs forward and a silver necklace falls out from beneath the neckline, thuds against the table. And then your suspicions are nearly confirmed, and oh god, is that a chest piece—

You quickly look away. 

Robbed of his handsome face and feeling like you’ll die if you look at his body any longer, you settle for your newly acquired favorite pastime: inspecting your classmates’ rooms over Zoom. Yes, you’ll admit it is incredibly nosy, but what else can you do? You can only look at your professor for so long until you inevitably grow bored, attention drifting off to your classmates tiny windows. And with no professor in sight, just gorgeous Jeon Jungkook, you quickly begin your examination of his bedroom. 

Jungkook’s room is pretty much the same as you remember it, rather neat and plain. There’s not a lot going on in terms of decoration, which is a little surprising to say the least. Over the course of the week, you’ve watched your classmates’ dormitories and bedrooms gradually change, decorations and tapestries decorating the walls, mountains of pillows added to their beds. It’s only natural that everyone has an innate need to show off who they are now more than ever, and you thought Jungkook would be the same. 

Apparently not. 

Aside from the guitar you had spotted on Monday, his little dorm room remains unchanged. Blank walls, grayscale sheets. The same perfectly fluffed pillows and then—

A tiny Keroppi plush smack dab in the middle of his bed. 

It’s adorable but a little out of place amongst Jungkook’s rather masculine decorations (or lack thereof). A tiny green doll sitting by his pillows, cute striped shirt and ridiculously dopey smile. 

Leaning forward, you unmute yourself and conversationally say, “I love your Keroppi.” 

At the sudden sound of your voice, Jungkook abruptly straightens up, glasses practically at the very tip of his nose. Eyes wide, it takes him a second to process your words before jerkily whipping around to stare at the aforementioned item. “Oh,” he jumps, slowly looking at his screen again, lips pulled into a tight line. “Um… it’s not mi—“

“It’s adorable,” you add, propping your chin in your palm, absolutely endeared with the rosy color that paints his cheeks, fades down the column of his neck. 

He squirms, hurriedly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He looks like he’ll deny it again, nervously nibbling at his lower lip, before eventually he settles with a sigh. “I won it from a crane machine,” he confesses with a sheepish huff of laughter, rolling backwards to the edge of his bed to snatch it from its spot. 

(Of course he manspreads as he sits, dark jeans hugging his thighs as he rolls back your way. His arm looks so strong, covered in all that ink, you nearly drool.)

“It’s cute, isn’t it?” he says, abandoning his embarrassment as he shakes the little figure around, makes it look like it’s dancing for you. “My mom said it looks like me.”

At that, you laugh. Loud and boisterous because you were definitely not expecting Jungkook to say that, such an odd but weirdly fitting comparison that has you looking at the doll in his hands with renewed interest. And through the pixelated screen, you can see the similarities: Jungkook does have the same smile as Keroppi. 

“Your mom was right,” you agree, wiping a faux tear from the corner of your eye. “Very cute.” 

Jungkook’s got this big goofy smile on, shaking his head in disbelief that you would ever dare agree with his mom. Like he’s genuinely enjoying himself, you think, oddly proud to have evoked that reaction from him. Granted, Jungkook always looks like he’s pretty happy during class, but it feels nice knowing that you were (confirmed) the reason why.  

A little caught up with the bumbling feeling in your chest, you’re not expecting his next words. “Does that mean I’m cute?” he asks, still with that same dopey smile on his face. 

It’s a bold statement you wouldn’t have expected from him, someone who seems content being the world’s friend, but apparently Jeon Jungkook also craves compliments. 

Slowly, you nod. “...yes,” you say, trying to keep the tumultuous emotions inside of you at bay while you grant him this one compliment. Outwardly, you give him what you hope is an obviously feigned look of disbelief, managing to lace it with a little amusement as you shake your head at his inquiry. On the inside, your mind and heart are a thundering racetrack, the roar of the engines and the screams of the crowd enough to momentarily make you lose your senses. “Very cute,” you repeat, hoping he can’t hear the same pounding of your heartbeat in your throat and in your ears as you do. “Like a little frog.” 

Jungkook graces your robotic response with the most boyish laugh, head tossed back as one loud cackle (because, really, there is no other way to describe the sound that tears itself from his throat) escapes him, curls bouncing back from the movement. “Cute like a frog,” he wheezes, seemingly to himself as he shakes his head with a grin, scooting closer to the camera again. “That’s a new one.” 

“You set yourself up for it,” you defend, busying yourself with the papers spread out in front of you before Jungkook can distract you any further. “Anyway!” you announce, neatly lining the papers up. “Our group.”

Jungkook does his best to wipe the glee off his face, but even as he reaches around for his things, it’s still there. “Right,” he agrees, “we have to, um—“ a huff of laughter “—group contract! Or, well, partner project.”

Briefly, you consider calling in your professor to inform him of your missing partner. He had said to let him know by the end of today if something was wrong. But, honestly, you didn’t see a problem with your group the way it was now. While you can only hope he’ll turn out to be as dedicated to his work as you, as it stands now, there weren’t any major red flags surrounding Jungkook’s character. 

Besides, you didn’t mind being with him for the rest of the semester. 

You nod, forcing yourself to ignore the glimmer in his eyes when he looks at you through the screen. “I think it’s safe to say it’ll just be the two of us, which I don’t mind,” you say, glancing at the time on the corner of your screen to see five minutes have passed since you agreed to wait. “Do you?”

On screen, Jungkook profusely shakes his head, curls bouncing all over the place. “Nope,” he hums. “I don’t mind at all,” he reassures you, resting his chin in his palm as he regards you, and then sweetly adds, “it’ll be nice with just us, __.”

Right. 

You gulp, heart fluttering at the dreaminess he exudes through your screen, the soft strand of hair that falls over his forehead, tickles his brow bone when he flashes you another smile.  He was so handsome. Before you say anything silly, you quickly attempt to move on. “But it does make us more of a duo than a group.” 

Jungkook looks away from his screen for the first time in what feels like forever and you finally let your heart rest for a second. “A duo,” he murmurs, shuffling through his papers. “Like Mickey and Minnie?” 

You nearly choke on your spit, coughing to hide the surprise from his rather cute suggestion. He’s not even looking at you, doesn’t even realize the absolute shock he’s thrown you in by comparing the two of you to one of the most famous couples— that’s what they are, a goddamn couple, not a duo! the words mean two completely different things! —in the world. Instead, Jungkook is humming the theme song to Drake & Josh. 

This man was dangerous for your heart. 

After having felt all the emotions in the world in the span of ten seconds, you eventually gather the courage to say, “sure,” and quickly try to move the conversation along. “We just need to, um, make some ground rules and responsibilities for us to follow.” 

Jungkook nods, finally glancing up again, but not at you. He’s glaring at some point behind his computer, brows furrowed together as he begins brainstorming on his own. You try to, really, but his lips pout adorably when he’s deep in thought, and they’re just so pink and look so soft and would feel like—

“Well, we should probably exchange numbers first,” Jungkook says, interrupting your spiraling thoughts with a new topic to spiral over. He tilts his head to the side, brown eyes focused on you. 

“Yes, of course,” you stammer, fumbling for your phone as Jungkook lets out a soft yay at your acceptance of his request. Quickly, he recites his number and you type it in with trembling hands into the number pad, giving him a quick call so he can have your number as well. 

You save him right away, just his name followed by the class you share with him. Not like you know any other Jeon Jungkooks, and if you did, you doubt anyone could ever leave such an impact like this Jeon Jungkook. 

“__, look,” Jungkook calls, that same excitement lacing his already lovely voice, and you raise your head up at the screen again. He’s waving his phone over his camera, so you don’t get to see his face when he says, “It’s a little mouse emoji and a pink bow— just like Minnie!”

Dangerous for your heart and, most likely, the death of you this semester.

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

#networkbangtan #bangtanhq #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #bts smut #bts fic #jjk smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk♡ #mine

[juhaksworld]

The Boyz reactions to dating someone outgoing/talkative

disclaimer lol: i’m really introverted so writing a character who is outgoing was a new experience haha. i hope this makes sense though <3

requested by: @jonghos-left-airpod <3

Sangyeon:

would be so invested in everything you said and did. like you’d be at a party and you’d be very emphatically talking with your friends, being the life of the party, and he’d just watch from a distance: in loveeee. you look so happy and everyone listening to you talking were smiling and happy because of you. you have a very kind and welcoming personality which just draws people towards you. sangyeon be standing beside you like “mhm, yup, this is my baby.” he would just love it when he overheard people talking about how fun you were.  occasionally some stuck up spoiled person who felt intimidated by you would start talking bad about you and sangyeon would just be like “????? excuse me??? what???? have you actually ever spent time with her??? she’s literally the kindest person there is!!!!”

Jacob:

opposites attract right?? well you and jacob certainly did! you met at a party and you noticed he was pretty quiet. you felt instantly attracted to him bc he was so sweet and cute! you really wanted to get to know him but you were afraid of intimidating him. but like girllllll he was so smitten with you!!!! you just filled the room with a pleasant and sweet aura like,, everyone was attracted to you bc you’re so talkative and nice! after you started dating he just like: heart eyes everytime you were with people, bc being with people brought out the best in you. he preferred staying home with just you, but he knew you like spending time with lots of people, so he respected that, and often tagged along with you bc, goodness when you were with people you were just so happy and cute and fun!!! 

Younghoon:

he would be like “what to do with this girl??” he sometimes feels a little jealous of all the attention you get. you never try to get a lot of attention on purpose, it just comes naturally bc you’re so outgoing and fun to be around. sometimes he’ll be watching from afar and then he’ll see some guy eyeing you up and so hoonie rushes over and puts his arm around your shoulder. he really tries not to be too overprotective, but gosh you’re so cute when you’re talking excitedly-- he can’t help but be a little afraid someone’s gonna try and steal you away ;-; sometimes when you’re talking with ppl, specifically his mother you’ll tease him a little bit and he’ll get all shy and blush and be like “stopppp” but he secretly loves it when you talk about him to others. he loves it even more when you’re like in a group of friends and they’re like “ come spend time with us more!! you’re always the life of the party!” and you’re just like “nope! I gotta bf who needs me more than y’all” and hoonie just gets super embarrassed but super pleased that you chose him over others.

Hyunjae:

oh lordy. the craziness. the fun y’all would have. when you guys show up to a party, or literally anywhere at all, everyone KNOWS you’re gonna make it a good time. you’re both super friendly and funny and….loud hahaha. sometimes when you’re in public you’ll both be so friendly to everyone that ppl will be like “ are they dating or are they siblings cuz it looks like they’re flirting with everyone???” but you aren’t haha and you both know that so you never have misunderstandings and stuff (you do flirt with each other all the time though ;-; )  sometimes your personalities will clash and you’ll get in a heated argument, but it doesn’t last long. you’ll both sulk for a little while and then be like “ hey,, wanna go get some ice cream “ and ofc you will and then you’ll quietly hold hands and eat your ice cream and feel better and apologize and everything and then go back to being super talkative with each other <3

Juyeon:

is. in. awe. of you. not bc he doesn’t know what it’s like to have lots of ppl like you, or bc he’s shy, but bc he just loooooves your vibes so much. like--- you’ll be talking and he’ll walk up and you’ll just throw him into the convo and make it seem like he was part of the conversation from the beginning and he loves that. you’re so outgoing and welcoming to ppl around you, he never feels left out. and he loves seeing you reach out to other ppl too. he’ll lowkey see some person like all alone and by themselves and he’ll be like “ heyyy! I wanna introduce you to someone really awesome!” and then he’ll walk up to you and like give you this look and you’ll be like “oh my goodness!!!! heyyyyy!!! hru?????” and the person will instantly feel special and juyeon will just stand back and be like “ wow. I have an awesome gf!” and then he’ll just listen while you talk and get the new person involved. juyeon’s pretty quiet, so he likes to stand around you when you’re at parties bc he can rely on you to talk with everyone haha 

Kevin:

the first time kev met you he’d be like “I love this person, they make me feel so comfortable talking with them!!!” and you’d be like “ I love this guy, he’s so interesting to talk to!!” and you’d start dating right away. kev is pretty talkative once he’s comfortable. y’all would have the best conversations. at parties or whenever you’re with large crowds of people he’ll stand beside you the ENTIRE time. not bc he feels he needs to claim you and keep other guys away, and not bc he’s scared to talk with people himself, but simply bc he loves listening to you talk. like you can turn the most boringgggg conversation into something interesting just bc you have so much experience with people and you love talking. one thing he absolutely loves about you so much is that even though he sometimes has a hard time staying involved in a conversation with strangers for very long, you don’t, and like--- you never let him feel left out when talking with ppl. you always remember who you love spending time with most and keep him involved.

Chanhee:

he would lowkey be like “ what is wrong with her” the first time he met you hahahaha but then he’d grow used to your personality and be totally charmed by you. like i can totally imagine chanhee being with you one day and watch as you have the most random conversation with some stranger you just met and then he’ll be like “ shoot-- i have a crush on this girl” after you start dating he’d just be like “ i’m literally dating the coolest person, like she can talk with anyone and make them feel so special” and all of his friends are like “ yeah you tell us that everyday” and he’d love taking you everywhere with him bc you just make him feel so much more at ease wherever you go. when he’s having a bad day he looooves spending time with you the most bc he knows you’ll 100% make him feel better with your bright personality! and you guys are like so cute together bc he’s pretty tall so whenever he’s feeling pretty shy or whatever you like stand on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear that he looks so pretty that day and make him smile and feel a little more confident and then you’d like hold onto his arm the whole time you were talking to other ppl bc you didn’t want him to feel like you forgot about him at all.

Changmin:

he’d be like “ ok, this is her personality, cool” like he’d love that you were outgoing but it wouldn’t surprise him at all or anything. he knows you love being with ppl so he always takes you with him whenever he goes to parties or gatherings of any sort and then just smiles as you immediately blend in with everyone and make friends. some dude would come up to changmin who’s standing near you watching you with heart eyes and listening to you talk and the guy’d be like “ who’s that?? she’s cute!” and changmin would be like “ she’s my baby...I..I...meant gf. she’s my gf. “ and the guy’d be like “ok simp” and changmin would be like “me??? a simp???” and then he’d realize he was a simp for you, bc like, even though he’s outgoing too, no one does it like you and he’s just obsessed with the way you brighten any day and any place with your sunshiny personality and smile! and he’d be like “ gosh she really won me over” and then he’d go stand beside you and hold your waist and join in the conversation if he could and just be so happy to be spending time with you while you’re having so much fun!

Haknyeon:

this baby. he’d get pouty when he saw you spending more time with others than with him so he’d like some up to you and tug on your arm and be like “ hey remember me” and you’d be like “no??? who are you again? “ to tease him and then he’d laugh bc he knew ofc you remembered him,,, you just thought he’d be perfectly alright without you bc he likes being with people too! but then you kinda felt bad for leaving him alone so long so you’d stop conversing with everyone and turn your full attention on him--- which is just what he wanted haha. he loves knowing he gets all your attention to himself. you’d tease him a lot though-- like someone would ask you if they could ask you a question rq and you’d be like “ oh im sorry,, i gotta ask my bf if he can spare me for a moment” and hak would be like “ stopppppp” and you’d both laugh. he’s outgoing too, but not as talkative as you are, so he’d just bask in your bright aura constantly surrounding you and whenever you said something funny he’d laugh his iconic laugh and that’d make you laugh and then you’d both forget about everyone else and just laugh together. when you guys were together talking with ppl you were like the power couple. you’re funny and smart and super friendly so everyone just gravitates towards y’all

Sunwoo:

this boy would be SO whipped for you,, like he would just stand beside you and smile down on you the whole time you were talking with others. he just loves seeing you enjoy yourself so much! lowkey jealous anytime you start talking to some guy for too long tho, like you’ll will be walking hand in hand home from somewhere and you’ll see a guy walking his puppy and you’ll be like “ahhhhhhhhhhhhh oh my goodness so cute!!!!” and you’ll start talking to the guy about what breed, and how old, and where he adopted the puppy, and the guy will tell you several cute stories about the puppy and you will become like best friends (obv the guy isn’t hitting on you tho cuz sunwoo be standing there behind you like -_- ) but you get along so well with everyone and sometimes you just get so caught up in the conversation you’re having with whoever it happens to be and sunwoo never wants to just push his way into things, so he just stands there like “ what do I do?” and then as soon as you turn back to him with your eyes sparkling bc you love talking with ppl so much he’s like “ oh shoot, i love her.” and so he doesn’t mind so much anymore.

Eric:

you guys would be sooooooo cute!!!! you would talk over each other sometimes when y’all were really excited, but you would somehow understand each other anyways hahaha. ppl sometimes joke about how talkative you both are and say things like “how are y’all even dating???” which you hate bc you love eric more than anything and eric feels the same way so y’all are just like “tsk,, you’re just jealous that i’m dating someone so awesome” and walk away. but seriously, somehow your relationship just works out! like when eric’s super excited about something but you’re already talking about something, he holds back until you’re done with your story and vice versa. when you guys are out in public together you just laugh and talk like normal bc you know others love hearing ppl be happy together and sometimes it leads to meeting new people and making new friends! like one time-- you and eric were on a picnic and were just laughing and laughing about something and a little old lady was just absolutely in love with you both and so you invited her to join you and she did and she told you stories about back when she was young and you all three just had the sweetest time together. things like that always happen for you and eric bc you have such friendly personalities ppl love being with you.

#the boyz imagines #the boyz reactions #the boyz fanfic #tbz imagines #tbz reactions #sangyeon #jacob #younghoon #hyunjae #juyeon #kevin #chanhee #changmin #juhaknyeon #sunwoo #eric #haknyeon's smile gives life #the boyz fluff #tbz fluff

[moonlit-han]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write a SKZ x female reader reaction where she's mentally exhausted from work? I work in a nursing home and it's a mess rn. In the last two weeks I had seven ppl die. Please and thank you.

just hold me

genre: reaction, established relationship au, fluff, angst pairing: skz x femme reader word count: 2.2k warnings: mentions of death and the covid-19 pandemic, exhaustion/burn-out from work, feelings of overwhelm and mild panic, hopelessness, some kissing request: yes a/n: hey, anon~ i’m so sorry it’s been nearly a year since you sent this. i hope you’re less tired and that there’s more happiness in your life. be safe and well!

✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧

↠↞ 

bang chan

chan’s caring and protective instincts immediately go into overdrive 

he sees how haggard you look and can’t contain his worry

you’ve been telling him for weeks now how maddening working in a nursing home is

you have to deal with ever-changing covid response protocols, death, everyone on staff being overworked, lack of sleep, more death, your own fears about the virus, the families who insist on wanting to see their loved ones (even though it’s forbidden), and even more death

all you want to do is lie down for awhile and sleep

and so, your bed now has the softest sheets, a puffy duvet, seven pillows, and chan

always chan.

at least when you wake up from the nightmares of him dying, 

he’s right there and real, reassuring you that he’s alive and that you’re safe

chan’s working from home, thankfully

he is adamant about keeping things as clean as possible not only for protection, but also so that you have somewhere to rest and recuperate

clutter doesn’t help anyone to rest, after all

on the days that you come home and can barely function anymore because you’re so drained,

chan just guides you to the shower and helps you wash

he’s secretly glad that he can take care of you and give you all the love in the world (somehow, it’s even more than usual!)

he has the time

and honestly just wants everything to be okay

seeing you absolutely wrecked breaks his heart,

but chan knows that as long as he holds you at night and tells you he loves you over and over again, things just might turn out okay in the end

lee minho

minho’s first inclination is to put a cat in your lap

akjgskdjfhgkj okay okay no

the first thing minho does is scoop you up into his arms

(after you’ve cleaned up from work bc ew no covid)

and hold you for like an hour straight

he nuzzles your neck and rubs your back

while giving you little kisses everywhere he can reach

minho wishes you could take just one day off, but understands that that’s not really possible at the moment

(it drives him just a little crazy)

and he knows you’re exhausted and can barely think

so he just tells you what’s for dinner and that you’ll love it

minho then tells you all about his day, knowing full well that you might not remember a single thing he says

he just wants to comfort you with the sound of his voice

but he wholeheartedly respects when you need silence

or if you need to ramble about your day to process what’s happened.

having death walking so close at hand is harrowing at best

and terrifying at worst

there are times when you just go quiet, staring off into the distance

because the memories of work have left you stricken

and minho gently wraps his arms around you to remind you that you’re home

you’re as safe as you can be

and that he’s got you

he’s happy—proud, really—to support you and keep you standing tall

seo changbin

like chan, changbin’s protectiveness comes to the fore

he doesn’t want you to get hurt or sick

he’s worried. really worried.

the entryway to your home has become a disinfecting station

(not that you’re complaining, since it means you can both feel a bit safer)

and the two of you are incredibly careful

but changbin’s worried about your mental health, too

it’s obvious—and through your own admission—that you’re fraying at the seams, as it were

you can barely process new information, your brain only holding onto what is essential in that moment

changbin buys you a bouquet of roses whenever he can because he knows you love them

and he doesn’t want your relationship to be any less romantic, even if you’re barely hanging on

when you fall asleep at the dinner table, nearly in mid-sentence,

changbin just picks you up and carries you to bed

he doesn’t even have to put you into your pajamas,

since you’ve established your home as a pajamas-only zone

he tucks you into bed

and pulls the blankets all the way up over your head, just as you like it

he kisses your forehead before quietly shutting the door behind him

then, changbin takes the last few bites of his food, cleans up from dinner, and washes up before bed

when he comes back into the bedroom, you’re fast asleep

carefully, so carefully, changbin slips under the covers

he folds you against his body, metaphorically tucking the stray threads of your consciousness back into place

he brushes a lock of hair out of your eyes, and presses his lips to the top of your head, murmuring that he loves you more than anything

even asleep, you seem to register that and snuggle closer to changbin

you both know that you’ll sleep better twined together like that

hwang hyunjin 

hyunjin completely understands what it’s like to be mentally exhausted

and physically exhausted

and even what it’s like to be unable to differentiate the two

that’s the worst

he knows you’re at that point

and insists that he do everything in his power to make it better

in addition to the meticulously organized cleaning station inside your door,

your apartment now features:

a blanket fort in the living room

garlands of flowers (fake, unfortunately) hung around your bed, accompanied by faerie lights

a new array of soaps and scrubbies for all your bathing needs

a new dish draining system constructed above your sink, since you’d been complaining about the old one (yay, more counter space!)

and one very lovey hyunjin, always ready to give you the biggest kisses ever

he doesn’t just focus on material things, though

no, hyunjin listens carefully whenever you need to rant about work

and asks if you just need a set of ears, feedback, or help finding a solution

you really do love him for that

(and everything else, of course ajkskjfhdg)

and if you just need to cry yourself out over the death of a lady you’d taken care of for over a year, 

then he just holds you and pets your hair

if you can, hyunjin makes sure that you take a walk every so often, just to get some fresh air

and whenever possible, the windows all over your apartment are thrown wide to tempt a breeze in

hyunjin also gets in touch with all your friends and plans a weekly video or phone chat with them,

since it’s obvious that you miss them

he knows that, as much as you love each other, you sometimes need other people in your lives to help lighten your emotional and mental burdens

han jisung

jisung…

unbeknownst to you, jisung calls your boss and begs

actually begs

for you to be given a day off

he slightly plays up your mental state, but he doesn’t have to hyperbolize too much

things really are bad

he knows that if you don’t get a day off from going into that nursing home sometime soon,

you’ll crack like an egg dropped from the top of a ten-story building

jisung does not want that to happen

your boss had taken a liking to jisung the one time they met, 

which makes it far easier than he expects to snag a day of freedom for you

so, when you wake up on Friday morning and roll over to find jisung staring at you, a cheeky grin on his face,

you are confused

jisung just keeps grinning

when you make to get out of bed, he pulls you back down and wraps his arms and legs around you

while this isn’t unusual behavior for jisung, he doesn’t normally cling to you on work days.

after some wriggling around on your part, 

it’s established that you aren’t going to work

you just about cry with relief, and give jisung more kisses than he knows what to do with

you then just stay in bed all day

and when you want to talk about work, jisung just listens and reassures you that he’s there for you

and that you loves you more than anything (including cheesecake)

the afternoon is spent napping, eating the food jisung brings you, making out, napping some more

and thanking any god who’ll listen that you have such a caring partner

lee felix

felix is devastated to see you so close to broken

he’ll catch you aimlessly walking around the house,

clearly unable to focus and not really wanting to anyway

he can feel the hopelessness radiating off you like the heat from a wood stove

felix can only imagine what it’s like to see so much suffering and death

and to be able to do so little about it

no wonder you feel like the world is crashing and burning

(as if it isn’t already…)

his first response is to want to fix what’s wrong

but then he remembers that fixing things isn’t always what’s needed

so, he decides that (if you can) the two of you are going to take a walk together every day when you get home from work

he wants you to not feel confined, both mentally and physically

you’d forgotten this because of how busy you’ve been and how infrequently you’ve been able to just get out of the house,

but felix likes to hold hands and skip while you’re taking walks

it’s absolutely adorable

when you get back home, felix just wraps an arm around your waist 

and holds on

wherever you go, whatever you do, he’s there beside you

just having felix beside you, the warmth of his body against yours, 

the familiar and yet no less wonderful smell of just him…

it all comes together to enfold you in a cocoon of safety

and in that space—whether truly physical or mental—you can finally relax a bit

and breathe

kim seungmin

he makes sure to do all the shopping, cleaning, bill paying, dog walking, and functioning necessary to leave you the space in which to utterly break down

he’ll leave you alone to give you space, if you’d like,

but as soon as you need him there beside you,

it’s as if you’ve been glued together.

when you’re cuddling on the couch or in bed,

seungmin just rubs your back in long, slow strokes 

and tries not to plan, at the same time, how to get back at 

your patients

your coworkers

your boss

the world

and, possibly, the universe 

for making you so exhausted and feel like you’re about to short-circuit

he’s absolutely fed up with how work has made you into a bit of a zombie

(queue day6’s “zombie” bc well… it’s seungmin)

like changbin, seungmin gets you flowers and a new bouquet appears every week

seeing the bright blooms helps improve your mood a bit

but not even the sweet scent of lilacs can mask the sense that something is screaming inside your head

seungmin makes sure to never have lilies in the house

their cloying scent brings too many associations with death to your mind, since you’ve seen far too many lilies at the nursing home

at this point, it almost seems like a funeral home…

seungmin does everything in his power to make your life brighter, 

to both acknowledge, and take your mind off, the hell that you’re going through every single day

if he has to bring you the sun on a string, 

or the moon and stars sewn into a cloak to wrap around you,

then he will

yang jeongin

jeongin panics a bit at how exhausted you are

and that not even a (large) bowl of ice cream or a bath help.

he so enthusiastically wants to support you and help you, that you begin to feel better just from that alone

knowing jeongin loves you so much and that he’ll do everything he can comforts you more than you can express

even just his presence soothes you and gives you energy

he puts together your lunch every day, and leaves little notes of encouragement and love with it

when you come home,

jeongin’s so happy and relieved to see that you made it through another day,

that he has to actually restrain himself from sweeping you up in his arms 

and kissing you soundly

but as soon as you’re clean and have had a moment to relax,

get ready...

because you will be so kissed

but jeongin knows that kissing doesn’t solve all the world’s problems,

and is sure to listen when you need to process the day’s events, too

if you end up crying with frustration at the seeming futility of caring for the elderly in a pandemic,

jeongin reminds you that every life you can help save matters in the end

and if you can’t even form words because your mind has shut down to protect itself from the horrors of reality, then jeongin just holds you and gently hums 

the slight vibrations of his voice coming through his chest help ground you

his voice is a tether to this world that helps keep you sane, helps keep you here

so when all you can say is “just hold me,”

jeongin crushes you to his chest and vows never to let go

#districtninewriters #inkidz #stayhavennet #ultkpop #0325net #stray kids #skz reactions #stray kids reactions #skz angst #skz fanfic #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #bang chan #lee minho #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #stray kids imagines #death tw #.moonbeams #.moonlight #.asks.

[alleunwalk]

tokyo revengers idol au hcs part 3 that no one asked for AGAIN here’s part 1 and part 2 to get a better understanding.  this is what the members would be doing alongside their idol promotions+ what they would post on social media  toman tbh these guys are all just so damn funny on their own that they would constantly be invited to comedy variety shows. maybe perhaps doing something similar to seventeen or wanna one where they even have their own variety show on youtube (ie. seventeen’s-going seventeen series or wanna one’s show on mnet)  mikey-he would post basic food pics like of his parfaits or taiyaki but also it’s rare because he’d constantly forget his password. however on important days he’ll post long emotional and sentimental posts that hit you in your feels thanking his members and fans always. he also has a youtube channel posting random funny vlogs. draken- he has his own personal soundcloud to upload solo mixtapes/songs feat diff members. posts photos of his bikes and different tattoos he would be getting. responds with 1-2 words to fans during fansigns or ig comments but like mikey, once in a while, will also write heartfelt posts thanking everyone.  baji- his ig feed is filled with animals + dance practice vids. also has his own soundcloud too. trolls his members by commenting on their stuff. “delete this u ugly mf no one wants to see this”.  takemichi- very chatty, (sometimes too chatty where he’ll end up accidentally spoiling their next album info) and interactive on social media to his fans. tries his best to respond to most comments or ama ig stories questions. posts a lot of selfies and photos of his members. king of fan service.  chifuyu- beautiful photos of the sky a lot on his ig (in canon he wanted to be a pilot :,) ) along with cute soft selfies. (which baji and kazutora troll and comment being like “damn....u ugly AF!” “lmao stop pretending to act cute u loser”  kazutora- his ig is filled with pure chaos. just pics of him catching his members slipping (sleeping photos where they’re drooling or have their eyes slightly open or making ugly faces behind the scenes). also has photos of cursed memes and memes made by fans. he’s a literal enigma.  mitsuya- very wholesome ig photos- lots of photos of his family, group photos, sometimes cool artsy edited selfies. occasional photoshoot photos.  hakkai- ig is filled lots of #ootd photos and occasional photos from his modeling or acting gigs (he’s the visual, duh!) gets a lot of sponsorships from big brands.  pah-chin: has a joint youtube channel with peyan. they do silly challenges but will sometimes post dance videos (feat. baji) since they’re the main/lead dancers. fans love him because of his “matter-of-fact” responses that are funny without even trying. (example- fan comment: omg i love u guys soooo much u guys are the best in the whole world!!!<333 toman OUTSOLD!.  pah-chin: idk about best in the world but we’ll just take “the best in our neighborhood” for now i guess. thanks.”)  peyan: joint youtube channel with pah-chin. at fan signs mikey has to warn him to chill out cuz peyan will accidentally yell and scare fans without meaning to, but he’s just really excited to meet his fans is all ^_^   angry: posts a lot of wholesome photos like mitsuya (selfies with smiley) and writes a lot of motivational sweet captions cheering fans up and reminding them to always be happy :,)  smiley: joint youtube account with angry. smiley does a lot of prank videos and angrys just usually in the back like  🧍‍♂️... he also does tiktok- he would be doing all the dances, memes, and trends.  inui: ok hear me out, i mentioned before inui has similar vibes as cha eunwoo so i’d figure his ig would give the same vibe as his (iykyk). since he’s the other visual he would be getting a TON of acting and modeling gigs. idk why but i feel like inui would be a great actor (his facial expressions during tenjiku arc, the range!). actor of the year. gets a lot of skincare commercial deals too. 

black dragons shinichiro- photos of bikes, cars, and photos where hes pretending to do a cool pose but his members (+mikey) would troll and comment “LAME!!!!!” “why tf do u look like that?” “hey leader, it’s not too late to delete this now bestie :)” does fun ig lives. on variety shows as a joke his members tease him there as well. really great at fan-service and pulls the whole “pretend boyfriend” scenario with fans (the delusional fans are gonna act up if he keeps this up...).  taiju- (if shinichiro did not exist in this au OR if you wanted both in the group) photos of him at the gym, photoshoot photos.  inui- similar to if he was in toman, his ig would just be a lot of cool and cute photos of him from behind the scenes of dramas or photoshoots. a soft visual king. occasional selfies with koko and bike photos.  kokonoi- has a personal youtube channel but he would be Drowning in sponsorship videos all from high-end designer brands. he’s just casually flexing that PPL in his vlogs. ig feed is a lot of #ootd photos or pics taken with inui. him and inui would be makeup brand ambassadors or faces of brands (ex: like jennie from blackpink represents chanel). in this case kokonoi would be the face of fendi (he wears fendi slides in the manga cover) and inui would be the face of jimmy choo (his heels in the manga cover looked like jimmy choo but i could be wrong.. but u know what i mean) 

tenjiku  izana- pretty leader has a very artsy ig feed. extremely photogenic like inui. has photoshoot photos and candid pose photos. acts in dramas time to time (gg second male lead syndrome).  kakucho- posts gym or dance practice videos on his feed but he posts rarely because he’s just too busy or forgets he actually has an ig. loves commenting on takemichi’s posts “haha no wonder ur called baka-michi!” as a joke.  kanji- posts gym photos but it’s rare because he always forgets his password.  ran- the other visual. he would be modeling for high-fashion brands and go on runway shows. also definitely gives off actor vibes (he would be constantly casted in dark action movies hahaha). loves giving fan service.  rindou- in contrast to his brother, rindou when it comes to fan service, he loves trolling fans. also he’s really good at drawing a line between fans (y’know, keeping the delusional ones in check...which means he ‘friend-zones’ them but it’s for their own good tbh idols need to remind people their boundaries). has a youtube channel where he just posts random dance practice vids and occasional vlogs. also comments under his brothers ig posts “you look stupid af in this wtf”. on variety shows people find their brotherly banter hilarious.  mutou- posts gym photos, also really awkward selfies (he doesn’t know what his angle is lmao). another member who also reminds fans of their boundaries and keeps it real. (sanzu always likes his photos though and hypes him up in the comments).  sanzu- shy baby. constantly following mutou around. posts a lot of cute selfies and random pics of shogi stuff (he tags mutou in it of course). during fan signing/autograph sessions they love putting cute headband props on him like this or this. 

bonten because this group’s concept and aesthetic is mysterious, mature, artsy, gloomy, and dark they will take this concept to the grave. (minus a few exceptions) they are invited to variety/talk-shows but never make an appearance because they want to keep the air of mystery around them. (it’s a good marketing technique).  mikey- does not have any social media. he does have a private account to lurk around but no one knows what it is.  kokonoi- has a youtube channel but it’s locked and you have to pay to get into it. posts super short vlogs and teasers. thats it. (the ultimate scam! but their fans love them too much to notice). lots of sponsored #ootd posts on ig.  kakucho- he would be modeling ONLY high fashion brands and high end editorial places. his instagram is just his exquisite and expensive modeling photos whether it be candid backstage photos from shows, candid runway walk pics/vids, pics of diff photoshoots you name it. doesn’t really comment much.  ran- visual. similar to kakucho- modeling ONLY high fashion brands and editorial places. instagram is filled with modeling photos but also some artsy scenery pics he took.  rindou- posts short artsy dancing clips (like modern dances in black&white filter) on ig.  sanzu- since he’s the other visual, he also posts a lot of his modeling/acting photos on instagram. also pretty chatty (he’s the exception) on social media and loves teasing and trolling fans. posts with a lot of random cute emojis on everything. “just ate lunch and now im off to practice hehe 🍜🍇🤟💃🤠🧚‍♂️💞🦋” no one really knows why he uses random emojis but it’s just endearing lmao.  kanji- no social media at all.  akashi- manager....or if you made him the rapper in this au then he too would also not have any social media. 

#tokyo revengers #takemichi hanagaki #mikey #manjiro sano #draken #ken ryuguji #nahoya kawata #souya kawata #peyan #chifuyu matsuno #baji keisuke #kazutora hanemiya #hajime kokonoi #inui seishu #ran haitani #pah-chin #rindou haitani #sanzu haruchiyo #takashi mitsuya #izana kurokawa #kakucho hitto #idol au

[adezahnae]

While Mommy’s on a Little Trip (Part 4)

A/N: SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER TODAY but this is the final part of “While Mommy’s on a Trip” 🥺thank to all who enjoyed this series💚

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 2.5 | Part 3 | Part 4

Warnings: Drinking, oral (male receiving), dirty talk, riding, unprotected sex (fem on birth control) cheating, secrets, angst?, arguments, divorcing, dilf!stepdad!mathteacher!jaehyun x stepdaughter!student!reader

Tagged Ppl: @softieekayy @keeach @seungmoomin @seoyutayong @whoreforshuaaa @mrg-jjh

Your POV

It was now Sunday and today was a chill day. Mr. Jung and I made breakfast together, watched Disney Princesses movies together, we just had actual Daddy-Daughter time, without the kissing a touching, until now. Me and Mr. Jung laughed while we were drinking wine. I was in his hoodie and underwear while he was in sweatpants and a T-Shirt. I leaned closer to him and kissed him on the lips.

“I love you..” I said. “I love you too, Princess.” He replied back with another kiss. He deepened our kiss and pulled each other closer. He took my empty wine glass and threw it on the floor by his bed. He pushed me back onto the sheets and pillows and reached his hands underneath the hoodie, gripping my breasts.

“I want more..” I said. “More of what?” He asked against my neck while kissing it. “Tell Daddy what you want.” He said. “You, I want more of you..I can’t get over yesterday of what happened in the dressing room..” I admit. “Me neither Princess..” He replied. He was about to pull up my hoodie but I stopped him. “I want to please you, Daddy...” I whispered.

I turned him around and made my way down his neck and chest, feeling all over his upper body. I reached to the hem of his sweatpants and pulled them down, making him sprung free. I widened my eyes. It’s been a bit since I gave him a blowjob. He looks so much bigger than what I feel. He ran his fingers through my hair and smirked.

“It’s okay, Princess. If you can take it in your sweet little pussy, you can take all in your mouth.” He said rubbing his thumb over my bottom lip. I stroked him in my hand and licked the tip of his member. He grunted and leaned his head back. I then finally took him in my mouth and stroked the rest of what I couldn’t fit. He pulled my hand away.

“No no, baby. Take it all in your mouth. You can do it..” He mumbled caressing my cheek. I stuck him deeper in my mouth inch by inch. He sighed of pleasure and pushed my head all the way down. I gagged, creating tears in my eyes. “Good girl...good good girl..” he mumbled. He pulled my hair in a ponytail with his fist and thrusted his hips into my mouth. I moaned and moved my hand down to my panties, feeling my wet, dripping heat. Right then, we heard the door slam open...

Mia POV

I opened the car door and got out of it. I breathed out and walked to the house. “I’ll be back Doyoung.” I said. He nodded and stopped the car. I unlocked the door, expecting my daughter to come up and hug me and my husband to kiss me on the forehead, like he always does. I heard nothing from the both of them. I looked around the house and saw nothing. I voices from upstairs and walked towards them. I heard them coming from me and Jaehyun’s room.

“Good girl...good good girl..” I heard Jaehyun mumble. I then hear gagging sounds and moaning. I opened the door to see..my daughter giving Jaehyun a blowjob while touching herself...my daughter stopped her movements and gasped. “Mommy!” She screamed. She was about to run off until Jaehyun took her by her hand and pulled her back.

“Shh..It’s okay Princess, stay right here beside Daddy.” He said wiping her tears and kissing her forehead. I was at lost for words. My husband is sleeping with my daughter?! “Jaehyun..what the hell..WHAT IS THIS?!” I yelled. He sighed and pulled his pants up. “What does it look like Mia?” He asked me. “That my slut of a daughter is blowing my husband!!” I yelled.

I heard her whimper behind him. “Watch your damn mouth, that’s still your daughter.” He said. “Really? Because this is downright terrible, Jae! HORRIBLE AT THAT! SHE’S ONLY A TEEN!” I yelled. “She’s 19 close to 20, a young adult.” He said. “That doesn’t give you a RIGHT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY DAUGHTER!” I yelled broken. “H-How long have this been going on? Are you even listening to me?!” I yelled as I watched Jae arrange things in the room.

“For about 1 year, going on 2” He bluntly said. My heart broke. “Ever since our engagement, hm?” I asked holding back tears. “Don’t act so damn sad and heartbroken, playing the victim. You had shit going on BEFORE we even got engaged.” He said. I gasped and looked away. Does he know about me and Doyoung? “Stop lying!” I said. He scoffed and turned away from me.

He went over to Y/n and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Are you okay?” He asked her. She nod her head. I looked at her. “You get out of here! Now!” I yelled at her. Jaehyun stopped her, making me look at him with disbelief.

“No, you stay right here.” He said. She looked over at me and back at him. “But mom said-“ “Princess. Listen to Daddy.” He said. She nodded her head and sat down. “You evil little bitch..” I said in disbelief. “Mia. I said, Watch. Your damn. Mouth.” He sternly. “You don’t tell me what to do!” I yelled. He laughed.

“This is my house, you have no choice but to listen to me.” He said. I closed my mouth and scowled at him. He pulled out a folder and placed it on the bed. “We’re you really on a business trip, Mia?” He asked me. “Yes!” I lied. “Hm.” He said. He threw the folder at the front my feet and I picked it up. I opened up the folder and seen that it was me and Doyoung. I widened my eyes and looked at him.

“On a business trip, huh?” He asked. I sighed. “Jaehyun.” “So you lie to me and your daughter to just go and fuck your boss, right?” He asked crossing his arms. “What?” My daughter asked. “Yes. Mommy has been sleeping around behind my back.” He said. He went to the closet and pulled out my bags. They were already packed. “Jae.” I said walking up to him.

“I need you to sign these.” He said. He gave me paperwork and I took them. Divorce papers. I shook my head. “No, Jaehyun no! You can’t do this, please!!” I exclaimed hugging at his body. “Mia get off of me.” He said. I kissed him on his face, crying. “Please Jaehyun! I’ll never mess with him again I promise! Please!” I begged. I kissed him on his lips, putting his hands on my body. “Mia. Y/n is here.” He said. “I don’t care.” I said. “Get the hell off of me. Y/n doesn’t like this and neither do I.” He said pushing me off. I looked at Y/n and back at him.

“You’re really choosing her over me?!” I exclaimed. “You chose my best friend over me.” He said back. I sighed and signed the papers. I handed them to him. He took the papers and put them up. “Leave my house, Mia.” Jaehyun said. “I don’t want to.” I said. He picked up my bags and gave them to me. “Why are you doing this to me?!” I cried. He sighed.

“Because...When I fell in love with you, you met Doyoung as well. I told you I loved you and you lied to me telling me you loved me KNOWING you had your eyes on Doyoung. I saw the messages between you two one night. You broke my heart Mia. And then I seen Y/n, the more pure and sweet version of you. I fell in love with her. I am in love with her. Apart from the sex, she was just like you before you messed with Doyoung.” He explained. Y/n shed tears, shaking her head.

“Why did you marry me huh? Why then?!” I asked. “To be closer the girl I truly love.” He said looking at Y/n. I shedded tears. “Fine...then she can have you...goodbye to the both of you.” I said walking out of the door and downstairs. I heard him comfort her, making my heart ache in pain. I walked down to the car and put my bags in the backseat.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Doyoung asked me. “Jaehyun...is cheating on me..” I said. Doyoung sighed. “Baby, you didn’t need-“ “With my daughter..” I finished, crying. “Oh baby..come here..” Doyoung mumbled and pulled me into a hug. “He then divorced me...” I cried. Doyoung sighed. “I’m glad he did. You’re all mine now. But don’t worry, we’re gonna take everything he’s got.” He said kissing my forehead. I sarcastically chuckled.

“Take what?! Everything is in his name! He owns everything! He paid for the house in full cash, he owns 6-7 companies around this city! 19-20 companies in the entire state! He even owns my daughter’s school. He made every building, untouchable. No one can take it, Doyoung.” I vented. “He is a smart man... but who cares? We’re building our life now. Not in secret. I got you, okay?” Doyoung told me. I nodded and kissed him.

He put his hand on my stomach. “Does he know about the baby?” Doyoung asked me. I shook my head. “No, just us.” I said. He smiled and pulled away from me. “Let’s go home baby..” He said starting the car. I took one last look at the house and never looked back....

Your POV

Mr Jung came and gave me hug. “Shh..it’s okay.” He mumbled. “Why? She called me a bitch and sl-“ “Shh. Don’t worry about that..you’re all mine now. No more secrets..” He said. “No more?” I asked. “No more..” He replied smiling and kissing me on the lips. “Why would she cheat on you?” I asked.

“Because your mom didn’t know what she wanted.” He said. “But won’t she take the house? The cars?! Where will we stay?!” I panicked. He laughed and got up from the bed. He went to his drawer and pulled out another file. “Read this.” He said giving it to me. I took it and opened the folder, looking at all the papers. I seen too many things that confused me.

“What is this?” I asked. “Everything I own.” He smiled. I then seen my school. I gasped. “You own our school?!” I asked. He nod. “Then....why are you a teacher? You should be in a office!” I exclaimed. He chuckled. “I have to stay undercover so no one really knows me.” He said. I looked at the papers again. “How...so mom can’t touch none of these?!” I asked. “Nothing. Everything belongs to me. No one can touch it but me and you.” He said.

“Me?” I asked. I looked at the papers to see my name on each thing he owned as: Co-owner. I gasped. “Daddy-“ “Jaehyun.” He interrupted. “What?” I asked. “You can call me Jaehyun now. You can still call me Daddy if you’d like to but I won’t mind if you use my actual name.” He said. “Jaehyun...” I whispered. “There’s more. Come with me.” He took me by my hand and led me to the garage.

He opened it and it was a brand new car with a pink bow on top of it. “OH MY GOD!” I gasped running towards it. I smiled at him. “Thank you so much!” He smiled and walked over to me, kissing my lips. He gave me the car keys. “Wait. There’s more than that.” He said. He took me upstairs to my room and I seen everything gone. “What happened to my stuff?!” I asked. He took me back to his closet in his room and I seen my clothes on my side of the closet. “This is our room now..” He mumbled kissing my temple.

“You weren’t kidding, we’re you?” I asked. He shook his head. “You’re mom is gone. We have nothing to hide.” He said. “What about guests and all?” I asked. He sighed. “We’re turning your room into a guest room, you’ll have guests in there.” He said. I nodded my head. I smiled and jumped up on him.

“I thank you so much for this! I really love you...” I said. “Me too, Princess.” He said. I pushed him towards the bed and got on top of him. “I want to thank you..” I said grabbing at his shirt. He smirked and turned me over. “Really?” He asked me, cocking an eyebrow.

“JAEHYUN! YESSS!” I screamed scratching his back. He hissed and lifted my leg up in the air. He then hit that one spot. “D-Daddy...” I whined. He bit his lip and watched my facial expressions. “You’re close?” He asked me. I nodded vigorously. “Then do it..all you want and let it out.” He whispered.

This wasn’t Daddy, well actually yes, but this is Jaehyun..he was making love to me..The way he locked eyes with me and kissed me. His hips moved so fluently and sharp. His hair pushed back and his chain dangling from his neck. I screamed his name and arched my back off the bed going through my high.

After I came down, I pushed him off of me. “I want to finish what I started earlier..” I pouted. He leaned up against the headboard and smirked. “Come and finish Daddy off then.” He said as he motioned me with his finger. I put him in my mouth, groaning at the feeling. He pushed my head down and whispered out praises. His movements got harsher, then finally finishing when he finished.

He pulled me up and wiped my mouth. He kissed my forehead and put me on his lap. I laid against his chest calming my breathing. He slipped himself back in slowly. I gasped. “J-Jaehyun I can’t take no more..” I mumbled. “Shh. I just put myself in to feel closer to you..” he whispered. I laid my head down on his shoulder as he watched TV and stroked my hair.

I felt my life completed...he was what I wanted and I finally got him..I’m gonna miss my mom and I’ll feel bad for taking her place but he was with me...that’s all that matters. I played with his chain and suddenly felt horny again. I grind my hips against him making him grunt. I move slowly and groaned. He smirked. “You wanna continue in the bathtub?” He asked I nodded, still moving up and down. He picked me up and took me to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I love him so much....

#jaehyun smut #jaehyun nct #jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #nct 127 smut #nct smut #nct x reader

[ironmandeficiency]

pedro boys + spending habits

word count: fuck if i know, wrote it thru the app

characters: din, marcus m, dave, pero, marcus p, oberyn, max, frankie, whiskey, maxwell, javier, ezra

a/n: idk what caused this to happen but it works i guess. hope they make sense

✨support my ko-fi✨

trust him with your money, your drink, your social security number, everything:

din. this man is barely scraping by on his own when you first meet him. when he adds the kid to the mix, he gets even more frugal than he already is with an old as sin ship that many people are surprised to see fly. he will have a policy of “you earn it, you choose what to do with it” and since he goes after most of (if not all) the bounties to keep you all alive, he has the final say in how most of the credits are spent. he does want you to have nice things though, so he makes sure to configure the budget to where you don’t have to pour your credits into the group’s survival money very often. it’s the least he can do. he’s very big on taking care of his people and will show that in small ways.

marcus m. he’s a single dad for a significant amount of time, he has no choice but to be responsible with his money. he has to take care of missy, keep them both fed and housed and healthy, and that’s not even touching on how expensive all of high school graduation and college will be once she gets there. he teaches missy very early in life how important money is bc he doesn’t want her to ever know how it feels to not have enough. he makes a considerable amount of money w the heroics tho so he can afford to responsibly splurge on you both, but not constantly. is very cautious abt the splurging becoming a habit

dave. yeah he may be a murderer, but he’s scary great at managing his money (to continue being able to murder). he’s got his ex wife’s alimony (that still pisses him off but that’s another story) and two girls he takes care of, there’s no other choice for him either. there’s never a worry about dave having a midlife crisis and spending money on some stupid dad thing (like a motorcycle or assless chaps or a country club membership) because he murders to keep his mind off that sort of stuff. files his taxes diligently every year the day tax season starts and will pass this wisdom to the girls.

pero. he’s very good at judging if you need something or not. if it can’t feed you, keep you healthy, kill someone, or protect you, you don’t need to buy it. definitely not a man who indulges in trinkets and frivolous things that do nothing but weigh down his horse and his person. will encourage this way of thinking with whoever travels with him to whatever extent he can, but won’t be a dick about it if you have something sentimental on your person. if it’s a necessity, he will splurge on a bed and bath at an inn but not much else for a while. cheap because he has to be

marcus p. i don’t think i have to explain this one so i won’t. no i’m not being lazy who said that?

maybe you’ll be fine if he’s in charge. maybe:

oberyn. being a prince (and himself), there are different ways this could go. he spends his money frivolously at brothels & on his daughters + other loved ones (as well as other luxuries) and doesn’t really seem to be the type to keep tabs on it all as he goes. but... he’s a prince in a prosperous kingdom and so there isn’t really a worry for money. he’s known as the red viper for many reasons, including his clever nature and the ease with which he can get what he wants thru whatever means necessary. if you want for something that he can’t buy, you know he will find a way to get it for you (which can be a problem sometimes).

max. he’s good with money in the sense of perpetuating capitalism — that’s the red flag here. hell, he’s gonna be investing into bitcoin and who knows what stock market bs & bc it’s max, of course you trust him. max can’t control the stock market tho, so sometimes things are a little iffy. it always evens itself out though, and you make sure in the future that he invests his money instead of your joint money. he’s still gonna share anyways, it just helps you have a little more peace of mind.

frankie. he just wants to take care of you, okay? you can’t fault him for that 🥺 he maneuvers his budget around to make sure he can do all these nice things for you while leaving his own needs unchecked, which isn’t okay. he just wants to provide for the ppl he loves the best he can, but the problem begins when he starts to think he isn’t doing enough. his insecurity & lack of self-worth (fueled by his guilt for “not being everything you deserve”) is what makes him agree to the Trip™️ in the first place. once he comes back & sees you frantic, only wanting him home and not giving a flying fuck about the money, does he realize that you’re devoted to him and not what he can do for you.

whiskey. working for statesman made him forget what things really cost bc he suddenly never had to worry again about not having enough money. being with someone that isn’t practically made of money will snap him back into reality. he looks at his bank statements and his balance occasionally, but our big spender cowboy hasn’t really counted money as something he worries about for a while. when he constantly showers you in expensive gifts (only the best for his baby, that’s his motto) and you tell him that he has to not do that bc he’ll go broke, he plays it off because he doesn’t remember having to worry. separate bank accounts are only because you want to make sure your money is being spent smartly (even though jack has offered constantly to pay for literally anything you need).

don’t give him anything you want to see again:

maxwell. as much as i love this dork, he’s absolute shit with money. when his business is falling apart (bc he made the stupid ass decision to buy the oil rigs no one wanted bc they weren’t producing oil), he throws it all into saving face and trying to make investors buy into something that isn’t there. what a smart business man would’ve done was liquidate his assets and possibly try to get into a business that will yield at least some profit. he does learn his lesson tho and eventually can be trusted with money, but even he is hesitant to do anything with the household finances. he’s a dreamer, and dreams and money are the same as oil and water.

javier. i know you’re possibly surprised but hear me out. he’ll go all in to get info, whether he’s spending american taxpayer money or his own money or anyone else’s, if it’s valuable info that can be bought, it’s gonna be bought even if he goes without groceries for the next two weeks. before being with you, it was booze and prostitutes and cigarettes that ate away at his checks outside of buying information. the only thing that really changed once you got together was the prostitutes and slightly less cigarettes and booze. however, when he goes back to laredo permanently, he’s perfectly capable of keeping his shit in line. he’ll balance every checkbook in sight and run a tight af ship.

ezra. this man is a scavenger by necessity, a con man by choice. he has a silver tongue and a roguish charm and pretty questionable morals; he’s not gonna have any issue with getting his hands dirty. he’s probably gonna use your joint money to try and pull a fast one on some unsuspecting stranger (“it’ll double our money,” he says, “it’ll be fine,” he says), but then said stranger will end up turning the tables and leave you both absolutely broke. yeah he will feel guilty, no doubt. the only problem is that he won’t take it as a “hey don’t do it again” lesson, it’ll be a “this is how i can improve for next time.” eventually you have to put your foot down and take control of the money and when he realizes that you’re improving your lives much better than he is, he will thank you for it.

all pedro character taglists: @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @obirain @leias-left-hair-bun @themarcusmoreno @catsnkooks @captainrexstan @mackstrut @torradoza @simping-for-fives @stardustsunrisekisses @darthadeline @artemis61003 @majorshiraharu @getdookuedon @capricornrabies @max--phillips @darklingveracruz @book-of-anarchy @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @lv7867 @hornystarwarsbisexual @kaermorons @princess76179 @pedropasscals @greeneyedblondie44 @seasonschange-butpeopledont @qhbr2013 if you don’t want to be tagged, lemme know!! the link to join is in my bio

#pedro pascal #dave york #frankie morales #din djarin #marcus moreno #marcus pike #ezra (prospect) #maxwell lord #max phillips #jack daniels #max phillips x reader #din djarin x reader #frankie morales x reader #marcus pike x reader #marcus moreno x reader #jack daniels x reader #ezra (prospect) x reader #dave york x reader #maxwell lord x reader #oberyn martell x reader #pero tovar x reader #pero tovar #javier peña x reader #javier peña #oberyn martell

[hinatas-sunshine]

Synopsis: The Boys seeing their significant other interacting with the other girls

Genre: Fluff

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, sorry I’ve been writing a lot of Haikyuu but I’ll bring back my OG ppl hehe, requests are open! Feel free to send any! Kithes 🥺❤️

Kirishima:

• You were a transfer student and when Aizawa introduced you, you bowed and said a slight hello

• You had stolen his heart from the moment you smiled right at him

• you were smiling at everyone but let the poor boy dream

• Listen you were actually crazy psycho crackhead dumb but no one got to know that because they were busy watching you look normal from afar

• That was until Kirishima witnessed you, laptop on your bed, blanket over your head replaying the google man’s voice saying “y/n Clowns aren’t scary you just think a lot about the clown that chased you in 2016 and how he wouldn’t stop saying fetty was lyrics.”

• Yeah he was gonna pretend he didn’t see it

• But when he walked in to you dancing to your “bad b*tches only” playlist and you noticed him, screamed and then fell on your butt

“Oh so transfer girl has some moves.”

“My names y/n.”

“Y/n what?”

“Whats it to ya”

• He liked your spongebob references so you two became fast friends and next thing you know he’s asking you to “kermit to him” with a kermit the frog stuffed toy

• Once you two were together he was the only one who knew your cracktivities

• That was until the girls wanted to peek into your room to see what it looked like

• they all loved the vibe of your room and you invited them to stay!

• That night was the wildest girls night you had

• And they realized how crazy you actually were

“Mina if you don’t do a dance battle with me right now I swear I’ll cry I have some sick moves!”

• You didnt 🧚🏻‍♀️✨💞 stop trying 🙈✨☺️❤️

• They all loved you! And screamed at Kaminari for hiding you from them

• Now when he often saw you doing crazy things with everyone it made his heart happy you were fitting in

“Denki I’ll race you on a pool floaty down the stairs right now!”

“Y/n DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE ASKING FOR!”

“OI! NO DUNCE FACE AND SHITTY HAIR 2!”

• You, Denki and Kirishima were the idiots of 1-A

“Don’t put me in with those two idiots!”

“Y/n? 😔”

“No Kirishima I was just kidding 🥺!”

“Y/n 🥺👉🏽👈🏽”

“No I meant it for you Denki 😃”

Bakugo:

• The power you hold ✨

• Only person Bakugo with scream at and apologize to

• everyone was kind of scared of you and you didn’t know why but either way you stuck to creating cool things for your suit or making a cool gadget in your room

• Bakugo would come visit from time to time and you’d go to his room and just lay with him

“Make me something for my suit.”

“Not until you say please.”

“Tch fine then.”

• *walks in five minutes later*

“Please.”

• You had this boy wrapped around your finger and everyone knew it

“I don’t ever seen y/n, all she does is hang out in her room or hang out with Bakugo.”

“Shut up shittyhair! She doesn’t have time for you extras!”

• You did but you didn’t really bother to say anything because this certain piece of technology needed your attention

• One day there was just... nothing. Nothing for you to fix or build...

• So you went to the common room and saw the girls messing with a piece of technology and you couldn’t help but peek and see them looking into a bunch of wires

“Oh y/n! Do you think you could help us?”

• You looked at Uraraka and shuffled over nervously sitting on your legs studying the wires, bolts, everything before going to your room grabbing a piece of thin tweezers and fixing an unscrewed bolt

• All the girls eyes lit up at applauded, leading to a long talk about anything that came to mind such as how you knew so much about technology

“My mom used to be in the Support department, my dad wanted to be a pro hero before he risked his life, so I picked it up from my mom but wanted to save lives like my dad.”

• They all smiled and awe’d before Bakugo walked in and threw you over his shoulder, you huffed and waved at them letting him take you back

“What was that?”

“They needed help with something.”

“Oh... so... are you friends with them?”

“I don’t know I guess.”

• He nodded, he was happy for you but he’d never admit it to your face

“Are you jealous someone will take your place as my best friend?”

“Shut up dumbass.”

“Aye!”

“I’m sorry, I meant shut up.”

Todoroki:

• You are just as antisocial as him oh my gosh no one knows how you two ended up together

• In all honesty it was the lack of speaking and more of action, you two would just look for each other any time there was a group project, partner training or working together at all

• You two were just each other’s friend and it evolved into something more

• When you watched him and Midoriya at the festival you were extremely proud of him opening up

• You on the other hand had a lot of catching up to do

• The girls had managed to get you in a cheerleading uniform and they became obsessed with you but you were still too shy for your own good

• You remained with a small smile on your face when cheering

• Todoroki thought you looked so cute trying and attempting to make friends his heart went crazy

• After that day you began to notice him around Izuku and Bakugo

• Izuku said it’s okay to call him Deku like everyone else

“Okay Izuku.”

“Deku.”

“Sorry Izuku.”

• Poor boy felt to bad to correct you djwjnfownr

• Todoroki realized you were feeling a little down

“What’s wrong y/n?”

“I’m too shy for you own good..”

• He became determined to help you and although it didn’t work, someone else’s words got you to

“Eh? Y/n doesn’t even speak you half and half bastard how are you even dating her?!”

• You tapped on his shoulder

“I do speak!”

• You furrowed you eyebrows and walked away making it a mission to make one friend

• You ended up with Yaoyorozu, who agreed to have tea with you

“So how did you and Todoroki start dating?”

“We just always looked for each other, and it was nice, I guess I kinda found comfort in him.”

• All the girls aw’s were heard from behind the wall and Momo sighed making them come out, as they all did you giggled at them

• They were so happy you weren’t running away their Baby y/n is growing

• You all sat together and talked about everything, mostly you because they wanted to know more about you

“You’re saying you, y/n l/n, used to get in trouble for being TOO TALKATIVE?”

“Yes and I don’t know why!”

• Once you opened up they noticed you did talk a lot but they loved it

• Todoroki smiled at you from afar, he was really glad you were opening up

“Icy hot are you EVEN LISTENING?”

“No.”

Tags:

#my hero academia #my hero x reader #my hero academia x reader #mha #kirishima eijirou #kirishima fluff #kirishima headcanon #kirishima x reader #kirishima x y/n #kirishima x you #bakugo katsuki #bakugo fluff #bakugo headcanons #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo x you #todoroki shouto #todoroki fluff #todoroki headcanons #todoroki x reader #todoroki x y/n #todoroki x you

[curly-bangtan]

Heatwave Drabble #9: sweet night (M)

[Heatwave // Godless // Heatwave Drabbles] <- must read first!

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Summary: After a series of miscommunications and immaturity that lead to a rip through both your friendship and ambiguous relationship, this last turn of events could be the deciding factor of whether or not you’ve lost each other from your lives forever.

Genre: angst, smut, fwb au, roommate au, f2l

Warnings: SO much angst and feels, slight slow burner and a lot of build up, unprotected sex, hot tub, oral (m&f), food play, crying, i don’t want to give too much away eeee

Word count: 23.8k a monster i know ;-;

A/N: The end is finally here!! It’s late but trust me when I say I worked all day on this and did not do an ounce of revision today because I wanted to get this done. I’ve been writing this series, and this ending in particular, for so long and have been so nervous about getting this perfect. So please enjoy~

(quite a few ppl also couldn’t be tagged from the taglist and it’s 3am so i honestly dk how to fix it ;-;)

.

You used to think heartbreak was for the weak, after all you can only hurt as much as you let yourself be hurt. So... maybe you are weak. Because that ever-constricting ache in your chest has not diminished even a bit since that day you left him.

Four weeks. Not a word to each other.

It’s a hollowing feeling - someone you’ve had in your life every day for the past few years, a constant companion, suddenly completely absent in a blink of an eye. You don’t think you could put it into words even if you tried how this affected you. Life feels so foreign, your personality dulls.

The anger you felt for him dissipated quicker than you’d anticipated, but the anger at yourself only grew. No matter how you look at it now, you can only see it as being your fault.

But the decision to part ways was for the best, you have to keep reminding yourself. You shouldn’t be around each other anymore.

Whenever you see him around campus, you spin around and speed off the other way, hoping that he doesn’t see you too. Okay, you are weak, okay. But your heart twists at the sign of him, not just squeezes but twists into thorned knots. It’s the sort of pain that takes from you, makes you a different person unrecognisable to yourself.

You had moved in with Lotta. When she asked you what happened, all you had said was that you two had a massive fight and fell out. She knew better than to prod further from the telltale signs that you were close to tears from a simple question: the trembling throat, pursed lips, uncharacteristically quiet voice. And you were grateful because you knew you couldn’t afford to be asked about him without breaking.

The bed feels awfully cold in the nights of early February. And every night, you stare at his name on the screen of your phone, contemplating. One tap and you can hear his voice. One tap and your longing could be absolved. You always almost give in to this overpowering urge itching within your fingers. But you wouldn’t even know what to say to him.

Hi. How are you. I miss you like crazy and I think about you everyday but I know we should keep our distance but I’m just so sorry for everything.

You liked to think that maybe this break is just temporary, you both need space from each other because the toxicity built up so quickly that neither of you could think or breathe. But the longer time is spent away from him, the more you convince yourself that it wasn’t meant to be. It was never going to work; you knew this from the start but had been too optimistic.

And the mistakes you both made… You can’t forget them and the scars you’ve left on each other; you don’t think he’d be able to forgive you, not any time soon anyway.

You wonder if he’s doing the same, if he too is agonising over every wrong step he took to lead you two to this state, or if he’s cursing you for destroying everything. For his sake, you hope he’s moving on. Because that, for some reason, feels so much better than knowing that he’s crying over you.

The strange thing is that you had been the one to break things off. The look of lostness in his red-rimmed eyes laced with an unmissable reluctance will always be an enigma to you. Because he was furious, distraught. So why was he shocked by your ending? How was he not done with you?

That day you left, he wordlessly stood next to you as you packed your things. When you handed him his grey hoodie, the one you had gradually claimed as your own under mutual tacit agreement over your months together, it had truly felt like the end.

“Are... Are you sure? I don’t mind if you keep it.” He had said, voice raw from the arguing but also the tears he was fighting back.

You couldn’t look at him, you knew you would fall apart if you did. “I think it’s best if you take it back.” Why did he want you to keep it anyway?

Something was missing in both your voices when you spoke to each other, reflective of the heart-shaped void you had carved into the other. Everytime you think back to that moment, you want to kick yourself. You could have at least kept the hoodie - that way you could at least have a piece of him to cling onto in your lonely desperate nights.

Because now you have nothing. Nothing of his in your life, no reminder at all that he ever existed with you except the memories embedded so deeply in your heart that it hurts.

No one ever mentions him to you; you think they got the hint from Lotta not to. He’s a ghost.

Haunting you with his heartbroken eyes that shattered at the sight of Jimin. You’ll never forget that.

Sometimes, you’ll just be having dinner with her, and you’ll be crushed with this suffocating wave of missing him. It knocks the breath out of you. Because you can momentarily forget that it’s over, and mistaken Lotta as him. So when you look up and realise that it isn’t him, he’s not here, it’s as if someone is digging their nails into your scabbing wound and releasing the blood of your heartache once more.

And Lotta would look up and ask you, “What? Is the rice overcooked?” And you would want to cry because he would always overcook the rice.

And sometimes, you would just want to blurt it all out to her, right then and there. Tell her everything that had happened with you and him, because - god - keeping it inside is exhausting. But the words get trapped at your throat, unable to be enunciated. Which is just your forte, isn’t it? Not being able to say how you feel...

You are a competitive person, that has never been a secret. You are used to winning at everything you wish to win at, it is in your nature.

So losing Taehyung has been the biggest loss of your life. It had been a gamble from the start, whether it would work or not. There were so many signs pointing in the direction of yes, this is going to work, you love each other so much. Because still to this day, you believe that you are soulmates, and you were one step, three words, away from a happy ending. But then, caught up in this game you played, you hadn’t realised that he had been yours from the very start if you had only just accepted him. And that was your downfall: your failure to see his love for you in the form of his actions, rather than the words of validation you were seeking.

And thus, you had lost your lover, your best friend, your other half, completely of your own doing.

The realisation haunts you every night.

.

It’s Galentine’s Day. In this household, you don’t say the V word.

Lotta has booked a weekend trip to celebrate your mutual [forever alone] relationship status. Some strawberry farm in the countryside for friends to pick berries and make jam and bond over their mutual loneliness. Apparently that’s a thing nowadays.

It would have excited you before, a trip like this. The idea sounds much like a sweet attempt from her to cheer you up, (you haven’t been trying to hide how down you’ve been), so as much as you wanted to just wallow on this shitty holiday, you agreed to go with her.

And to be honest, this might be exactly what you need. A weekend away with your best friend away from the city could heal you. Best friend? Should you call her that? You’re not sure because that title has always referred to someone else previously, someone you shouldn’t be thinking about.

To your credit, you’ve been doing better. You think about him less and less each day; you stopped crying after the first week. You’ve always been a progressor with astounding growth. It’s not to say that you’re doing fine - that would be a reach - because small things such as a cup of hot chocolate would still remind you of him and the string of memories that come with it. But you think your heart is finally slowly starting to stitch itself back together.

Galentine’s weekend just so happened to fall on the weekend of Lotta’s Geophysics trip to Barcelona, as inconvenient as it is. But, rather than letting this disrupt her plans, Lotta had been adamant about going.

“My flight lands at 7am. That’s two hours before we are supposed to meet and depart from the coach station. That’s plenty of time.” She had waved away your concern when this topic of discussion came up last week.

“You never know with flight timings. We could just blow it off and have just as nice of a weekend at home watching movies.” Strawberry picking sounds great for the soul, but so does Netflix and ice cream. “We could have a Saw marathon like we’ve been wanting to.”

“Saw marathon on Valentine’s day?” Lotta scoffed at your suggestion

You blinked. “What’s wrong with that? We love scary films, it’s our thing.”

“It doesn’t matter, I’ve already paid for the trip and it’s non-refundable.”

“I’ll subsidise the cost, there’s no point forcing this trip if it won’t work with your schedule. You haven’t even let me pay you back for my half of the trip yet.” Lotta is like that with money, overly generous when completely unasked for. If you don’t mention paying her back, she would never have asked you to.

“It’s my treat to you, shut up. Just trust me, Y/N, I’ll make it to the coach on time, I always make it on time.” She shook you by the shoulders. “We’ll make our separate ways to the meeting point Saturday morning and everything else will go smoothly. There’s no reason to cancel the trip. Plus, V day is on Sunday, so do you really want to see all those shitty ass rom-com Netflix suggestions or would you rather be enjoying the great outdoors? Trust, we need a break in the countryside. It’s going to be an amazing weekend, you’ll thank me later.”

Right now, as you make a final check through your lightly-packed bag before you leave the house, you find yourself agreeing. You do need the fresh naturally strawberry-scented air to expel all these negativity from you. You want to feel yourself again, be happy and loud and excitable.

Collecting for your trip ticket that Lotta had left on your desk before she went to Barcelona, you decide right now that: yes, this will be an amazing weekend. Law of attraction and power of manifestation. Lotta’s flight will be punctual and you will make some fond memories together.

You’ll be okay.

You arrive at the meeting spot twenty minutes early because you are known to be prone to tardiness. The tour guide welcomes you keenly. He is a young, twenty-something you reckon, tall man, graced with dimples and honey skin. You think you would find him attractive in different circumstances, but you haven’t gotten to the stage of feeling attraction for anyone else yet.

“Your ticket with the barcode, miss?” His smile is charming, you guess. It’s more an observation than an enticing quality. You hand it over to him wordlessly and watch him scan the creased piece of paper. “Great, that’s perfect. And your partner?”

“Partner?” You frown, but realise what he means. This is a Galentine’s programme, of course he expects you not to be alone. “Oh, she should be coming, we came separately because she’s just getting off a flight right now.”

“Oh! That’s very sweet of her to rush back to spend this weekend with you.” The endearment in his smile heightens.

“Yeah… She’s the best.” There’s no particular reason for your awkwardness. You’ve always been a social butterfly, yet lately, you’re keeping more to yourself, avoiding unnecessary conversations because your mind is always too preoccupied.

“I am Jae, by the way, and I’ll be your guide for the weekend. I hope you have a wonderful time with us this Valentine's day. Hop on board.” Giving him a polite nod, you climb onto the empty bus, noting the swirly hearts beside the large red words ‘STRAWBERRY LOVE’ on the side of the big white vehicle. Kind of tacky, but the idea of this programme is kind of cute so you guess it’s suiting. After assessing row after row, you plop down at a window seat you deem worthy and settle your bag on the seat beside you, head leaning on the glass as you await your partner.

Dear partner, please don’t be late, you text her.

Soon, other participants of this trip start arriving, filing a crooked queue in front of the tour guide to register. You don’t pay much attention to them except to examine for Lotta’s face. The coach is set to leave at 9:00 on the dot in order to arrive at the farm at noon, it is now 8:56 and Lotta is still not here. You don’t want to lose faith in manifestation magic, but worry is settling in. If it comes down to it, you will beg Jae to wait for you. With your texts unread, you decide to phone her.

Come on… Just let this one weekend go smoothly for you.

Nervously playing with the ends of your hair, you exhale in relief when she picks up. “Oh thank god, Lotta. Where are you? The coach is leaving in like two minutes. You’ve landed right? I’m not sure if I can convince the people to wait for you that long but worse comes to worse, I could ask for the address of the farm and you can commute there yourself. ” A silence replies after your slur of panicked words. “Hello? Dude, hurry.”

“Wait, so he’s not there yet?” She asks hesitantly.

“Who? The tour guide? No, he’s here. Where are you?” Just then you hear a thunder of running footsteps. Expectantly, you look out the bus window for your friend’s arrival, only to find…

“Wait, Lotta… What the fuck did you do?” Something drops in your stomach.

“Look Y/N, don’t be mad. This is for your own good, you need this.” You can practically hear her stealthy smile through the phone.

An icy chill strikes down your spine. You simply cannot believe what you are seeing out the window. She-

“Lotta…”

“Trust me, okay? You have been so fucking depressed the past month. You need to fix this problem, please. I hate seeing you like this, so if not for yourself, then do it for me.” There’s some guilt in her tone, you’ll give her that. But you are in a state of utter disbelief, borderline shell-shocked, the groves of your brain tangled in itself.

“Lotta, where are you? Are you even fucking coming?” Absolute mortification fills your chest to the brim at your gradual realisation of her ploy.

This can’t be happening.

“I promise, this is all for your own good. Please have a great weekend. I love you. Bye!” And with that she hangs up, leaving you wide-eyed, jaw-dropped, staring out the window...

At a panting, slightly sweat-beaded Taehyung handing his crumpled ticket to Jae.

“Made it just in time, mate.” You can just about make out Jae’s words from the shape of his mouth as he greets Taehyung and proceeds to recite his ‘I’m your tour guide for the trip’ speech. Taehyung nods interestedly, reciprocating with that sheepish smile of his as he scratches the back of his bedhead.

What did your best friend do? Did she just… set you up…? As you hear his loud unmissable steps stomping up onto the coach, you know you’re doomed. It’s over for you. You might as well fling yourself off a cliff.

Looking around the bus, you realise that it of course is completely full except for the seat beside you.

The power of manifestation is fucking bullshit. You’re stuck with this bad luck for the rest of your life.

And this weekend, you’re going to die.

You see him as a blur at the start of the aisleway, a mere figure in swatches of peach and brown and black. You hear pounding, a booming pulse in your ear.

It’s Taehyung. Taehyung. Your, but also not your, Taehyung.

Each step he takes approaching the only available seat he sees, you shrink lower in yours and keep your eyes pressed shut, but for what reason you’re not entirely sure. There’s no hiding now.

Your confrontation is inevitable, a few steps away. Then he finally sees you.

“Y-Y/N?”

Your heart soars to your throat at the sound of his voice as everything around you vanishes. This can’t be real.

Slowly, you turn up to face him. When your eyes meet, it’s like someone has driven a sharp object into your chest and twisted. His face is exactly how you remember, but also not quite. His big brown eyes are wide with surprise in a pitiful expression of bewilderment. His sleep rumpled hair, grown out to almost cover his eyes, yet still very much permed in the style you loved. His lips are jutting out, slightly parted in confusion at your unexpected presence that reminds you of how it felt to kiss him.

And the look of disgust that you had expected - absent.

You want to throw your arms around him. There is always a warmth emitting from Taehyung - the kind of warmth you feel when you enter your house on a snow ridden day and the gust of heat accompanied by the smell of home simply swallows you like a wave. But there is also something different, unfamiliar almost, about him. He is rougher round the edges, hints of facial hair dotted below his nose, dressed in slacks that he only usually wore strictly as pyjamas and never to go outside in.

As your eyes fall to the rest of him, you notice his fists tighten around the straps of his backpack, the balls of his knuckles whitening.

“Taehyung-” Saying his name feels like a release. A rush of satisfaction at the way the syllables roll off your tongue so naturally, then a flood of emotion that comes with all the memories his name invokes.

Then you’re at a loss for words again. You are so utterly unprepared for this situation because you didn’t think you would meet him again so soon, not until you’ve moved on. You’re not ready to face him.

What do you say? How are you meant to act around him?

He looks equally as lost, though you read him easily. There’s a flash of hurt in his eyes, the same that you’re sure you had. But it dissolves much quicker with him, almost into relief and content as if he’s glad to see you.

You know from the slight downward angle his brows are pointing that he has definitely missed you. Perhaps in a completely different way from you missing him, but he’s missed you.

“If I could just have everybody's attention!” Jae’s voice booms from the speaker, startling every passenger. “Young man over there, please be seated.” You quickly snatch your bag into your lap to let Taehyung sit next to you. The seats aren’t the most spacious; despite pressing your side against the window as much as you can, Taehyung’s shoulder comes brushing past yours as he settles into his own seat. Your heart flutters. “As all our participants are now present, our ride will begin immediately. The duration of the ride will be three hours, but a pitstop will be made at around halfway for a quick snack or toilet break. Please ensure all seatbelts are fastened during the entirety of our journey...” He drones on.

Three hours, you bristle. Everything is happening all at once and your mind can’t catch up. You’re going to be stuck on this coach for three hours next to Taehyung. No, worse. You’re stuck with Taehyung for this whole weekend in a strawberry farm.

Glancing over, his lips are pressed into a thin line, no doubt with the same chaotic thoughts racing through his mind. There isn’t much leg room, and though his thighs are purposely clamped together to avoid touching you, you know he can’t keep them clamped this tightly for three hours without cramping. Your legs are going to touch at some point.

God, why are you even losing your mind over something so juvenile? You’ve been reduced to a pre-teen girl so easily flustered by the thought of touching thighs amidst this turn of events.

Everything is gonna be okay, you tell yourself. This is gonna be fine. You don’t have to speak to each other. Just put in your earphones and fall asleep against the window.

But you have so many questions, for Lotta, for Taehyung. Did she plan this? How did she know that he’d be here? Hell, did he know you’d be here? No, there’s no way. The shock on his face was genuine.

He stares ahead, though visibly extremely puzzled. You suppress the urge to glance over at him every second to check that it’s really him.

“Thank you everyone for joining us so promptly. As you already know, I am Jae and I will be the guide to your trip to our beautiful strawberry farm over this Valentine’s weekend.” You pause. Right, this is a Valentine’s weekend trip, you had momentarily forgotten. And you’re stuck with Taehyung here. Two days, two nights. You’re not sure if you could withstand his presence for that long. Will you ignore each other for the entirety of this trip? You would be fine with that, and in all honesty, you think you might prefer it over speaking to him because that would only sprinkle salt on your wound.

A sharp pain in your palm reminds you that you’ve been gripping onto the programme leaflet that was handed to you. You smooth out the creases of the paper and flip it open to skim through what you have to tackle ahead of you.

Day 1: Go strawberry picking with your partner at our scenic farm in the lovely spring weather while the sun is out. A heavenly spa awaits you afterwards to wind down and indulge together. For an amorous evening, go stargazing under our cloudless skies...

Alarm bells start ringing immediately, from the cursive font of the strangely-worded phrases, to the shades of reds and pinks of the background. You skim further down the page, the kernel of anxiety growing exponentially at your throat.

Day 2: Make delicious strawberry jam and learn our signature recipe for a splendid strawberry tart. When dusk falls, enjoy a romantic candlelit dinner with your partner amidst the symphonies of our string quartet.

Fuck. Wait, what the fuck.

You flip back to the front page.

Strawberry Love: The Perfect Couple’s Romantic Getaway Valentine’s Weekend

Strawberry… Love…

“What the fucking shit?” You can’t help but cry out loud. Lotta- She-

The passengers of the bus all turn to shoot you at look of concern at your outburst, Taehyung included. His eyes dart around the features of your face to search for an answer. “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong… What’s wrong…? What isn’t wrong at this point?

You feel defeated, absolutely fucking defeated that you don’t even have it in your to be shocked or angry. There is no way you can ignore him for the whole weekend when the programme of your trip - a couple’s Valentine’s trip - obligates you to spend time with him. The thought of making stupid little strawberry tarts with Taehyung… Your blood can’t even boil, you’re just fucking speechless.

Lotta, that conniving genius that is your best friend. How did she manage to pull this all off? Galentine’s trip your fucking ass. She tricked you into a romantic holiday with Taehyung, fucking hell...

But that means - she knows. The mortification hammers into your stomach. There’s no reason for her to do this other than for the purpose of getting you two to make up. Lotta fucking knew about you and Taehyung.

How? For how long? And why does she think that this will benefit you in any way? You and Taehyung are over and you were slowly (fine, excruciatingly slowly) moving on. Until now.

Letting out a huff of your frustration, you turn to look at Taehyung, properly look him in the eye for the first time. You can’t stop your chest from constricting. He regards you with that confused expression of his, eyes holding your glare but barely just, bashful from your sudden undivided attention channeled towards him. “I need to know what you’re doing here first.” It comes out harsher than you mean for it to, but it stems from your desperation to stay inert while your emotional sanity is precariously threatened right now.

“Me? I… Well, Lotta told me that she had a ticket for this weekend-trip to a strawberry farm type thing that she couldn’t go to anymore, so she asked if I wanted to go in her place because she knows that I like strawberries.” He furrows his brows. “Okay, that sounds really stupid out loud but I swear I didn’t know that you were gonna be here.” He throws his hands up, nothing but honesty flooding his chocolate eyes.

But of course, Taehyung doesn’t lie, you are sure from the times you’ve witnessed him not being able to muster up an excuse to get rid of an annoying relative on the phone. What’s more convincing of his truth is that he would not be the most difficult person to fall victim to Lotta’s scheme - drizzle in mentions of food and he is completely your pawn. You almost feel bad for this unsuspecting fool; he still has no idea.

But Lotta, that sly bitch… You are going to wrangle her when you get back.

“Taehyung… She lied to you.” You sigh, watching his features slowly contort in deeper confusion.

“Wait what? So we’re not going to a strawberry farm?” He sits up in alarm, looking around the bus as if that would grant him any insight whatsoever. You almost laugh at his naivety because as much as you want to uphold your cold exterior, something about him, his ever present innocent boyishness maybe, never fails to penetrate through to you.

“No, that’s not what I meant. She lied to me too; she told me that this would be a girl’s trip because we’re both single and bitter for Valentine’s. Get it? It was just a setup. For you and me.”  As the clockwork finally turns as he processes your words, a visibly distressed grimace forms. “Look at the programme, Taehyung, it freaking says: Strawberry Love: The Perfect Couple’s Romantic Getaway Valentine’s Weekend!”

As those words resonate from your mouth and the realisation finally dawns on him, dread settles itself in the pit of your stomach, cold, dry and coarse. Saying it aloud somehow finalises it - this is actually happening, you’re going to have to spend this weekend with the one person you’d least like to be stranded with right now.

“Lotta… But why would she…?” Deep red roses effloresce across the apples of his cheeks, and you feel yourself unconsciously mirroring his reaction as your mind flashes back to the planned activities of this tour. You’ll be made to pick berries and bake pastries together. And the romantic candlelit dinner… You can’t even finish that thought. Because even now, you find your eyes roaming every inch of his face, trying to memorise his details because it’s been so long.

This isn’t healthy for your heart. You were on a path of recovery, a path of forgetting him and forgiving yourself, and now you’ve been flung back to square one.

The bus jolts. His leg lightly knocks into yours and both your attentions momentarily divert to the touch, glaring at where the thick grey material of his joggers meets the thin cotton of your trousers. A long second passes before Taehyung lifts it away from you.

“I don’t know why she’d do this. All I told her was that we had a massive falling out.” You mutter. Except you do know, you know her very well. This was no mistake, but the result of careful planning. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“So maybe she’s trying to get us to reconcile?���

As soon as those words come out, you both seem to freeze in your spots, blinking in bewilderment at the slightest mention of the elephant in the room. It might be wishful thinking but you hear a sliver of hope in his question, and you think he hears how it came out too.

Reconcile.

Could the two of you reconcile after everything you put each other through in your last few days together? The thought tears you apart emotionally. Of course you want to reconcile, of course you want to be with him. But haven’t you proven enough that what you had didn’t work? Afterall, everything you had together came crumbling down at the smallest hitch in your path. What is there to reconcile but a dysfunctional relationship?

And how could either of you forget the torment you endured? The noises of Taehyung with another woman through the thin walls, your betrayal of his heart when you mistakenly slept with Jimin.

Reconciliation doesn’t seem possible in the foreseeable future.

“N-not reconcile in that way, I mean, like, for us to make up.” Taehyung stammers, hand waving about in his nervous state. “I mean- no, not make up, but like… make… peace. Yeah, make peace. Sorry.” He winces timorously at his spectacular fumble of words. It’s surprising how nervous and timid he is acting. He should be brutish to you, savage and hostile. But he isn’t.

“Yeah, I got what you mean… Don’t worry.” You can’t stop the corners of your lips from turning up, just a fraction. “But yeah, I think she wants us to make peace.” You conveniently do not bring up how you’re certain that she knows about your history and that this holiday she booked for you and Taehyung is most definitely for the purpose of reconciliation in that way.

“Right.” His bottom lip pinched between his teeth in a manner that makes it feel as though it’s a sight you shouldn’t be looking at, Taehyung’s attention shifts down to avoid your eye. Though, there’s a clear glimmer of expectation as he asks, “So… do you want to talk it out?”

The bus bounces, violently this time, as it drives over what must be a pebble. It rattles your thoughts so physically that you have to grip onto your trousers for support.

This is the deciding moment. Now is when you can choose how you go about this which will determine the rest of your weekend together.

Do you want to talk it out?

The painful memory of the last time you had tried to “talk it out” rakes its claws down your back. All the yelling, the hurtful accusations hurled both ways, the reluctance to accept blame… It haunts you so much so that your voices still ring in your mind, echoes embedding the misery you had both felt and inflicted deep in your bones.

The three stages of your fight painted clairvoyantly in your mind.

One: The Hurting Each Other.

You fuck guys without learning their names.

Two: The Guilt-Tripping.

I didn’t sleep with her. I couldn’t even kiss her for more than a minute on her bed because it felt so wrong it made me fucking sick. I stayed on her couch and thought about you all fucking night. Happy?

Three: The Falling Apart

I… I thought it was clear how I felt…

Always replaying in a loop.

“I’m not sure what there is to talk out.” You say, hating how callous you sound but knowing that it’s a necessary evil to convey your intent. That was in the past. Taehyung is your past. Talking about it would only drag you back into that perpetual cycle and there’s not much left in you to afford that. You look out the window at the open plains of grassland to avoid the hurt you know he can’t hide on his face. “I think it’s better if we keep our distance as much as possible and not make it difficult for ourselves.”

“Okay.” You hear him reply, but only a quiet mumble. From the faint reflection of the window, you see him tighten his jaw and fit his Airpods into his ears. The monster that is your guilt and bitterness sinking its fangs into your throat.

It’s better this way.

And so the bus continues to speed off to the countryside, driving you further and further from civilization and your chance of escape from this doomed weekend with the boy you’re trying to stop loving.

.

You wake up to someone gently shaking your shoulders. “Miss…” You jolt upright.

The first thing that elucidates in your sleep-fogged vision is your tour guide’s kind face smiling down at you. The second, when you come to your senses, is that you are leaning against Taehyung’s frame, his shoulders much harder than you remember them to be. The boy himself is fast asleep beside you, arm loosely linked with yours because you know he has a habit of holding things in his sleep. You hastily pull away.

“We’ve arrived, Miss.” Jae says politely, that humoured glow in his pupils eliciting a bashful blush from you.

“Oh right.” You look around to find the coach empty except for the three of you. “That’s embarrassing, I’m sorry.” The last thing you remember was the angry texts you spammed Lotta with before the songs in your playlist all blurred into one.

“No worries. Forgive me, I’m still learning names.” The heat of the sun is seeping through the glass of the windowpane, licking tenderly at your skin to rouse you awake. “I’ve tried to wake your partner, but it seems...”

“I’m Y/N. And don’t worry, he’s impossible to wake up.” You pause. There is a chance for you to rectify his misconception that you and Taehyung are a couple, except it would probably require some explaining or white-lying and now is not a great time if you’re holding up the whole group. “I’ll do it.”

Despite the conversation being had right over him, Taehyung shows no sign of his slumber being disturbed. His head is tipped back, mouth hanging open with a small dribble of drool beading at the corner of his mouth. Still the same deep-sleeping idiot.

“Oi.” You nudge his ribcage, scaring Jae with your coarseness. “Wake up, Taehyung.”

Nothing but heavy breathing.

“Dude, we’re here.” You grab his face between your harsh fingers and begin shaking vigorously.

Not even a stir. You remember how you used to like to joke that Taehyung could sleep through a burglary, and just to prove your point, you woke up in the middle of the night one time and screamed at the top of your lungs. He did not even move a toe.

“Uh-” There is a hint of worry in Jae’s face; perhaps he thinks that Taehyung has a health condition.

“It’s okay, I’ve got the trick.” This time, you pinch his nose with considerable force and clamp your palm over his mouth, ignoring the smoothness of his skin under your touch and the feeling of his lips skimming your palm. You glance up to find Jae’s eyes almost bulging out of their sockets, swaying uneasily at your method to wake him. “Don’t worry, it works every time.”

But true to your word, in a few seconds, Taehyung is sputtering for breath, eyes flying open in befuddlement, scrambling to sit up. You let go of his nose and smile at your tour guide only to find him petrified.

“What?” In disarray, Taehyung wipes at the corner of his mouth and pats his hair back down from its messy temperment. His heavy body no longer slumped against yours, you feel a weight lifted off your chest, though the fact that you had fallen asleep on each other plays at your mind, lingering to taunt you.

“We’ve arrived.” Jae winces.

You stare at the patterned seats of the coach, trying not to pay attention to Taehyung’s embarrassed apology and explanation on what a deep sleeper he is. You’re not going to think about Taehyung and sleeping. Mindlessly, you trail behind the banter men off the vehicle. You’re not going to think about how good it feels to sleep beside him.

The sun greeting you when you step foot onto ground instantly refreshes your mood, banishing away those thoughts that were slipping through the cracks. There’s something so healing about the air of the countryside, fresh and unpolluted and full of the pleasant crisp scent that one would associate with green and yellow. Staring back at you is a seemingly endless field of bushes dotted with red, the sweet berry smell already perfusing into your nose.

You ignore the crunch of gravel sounding from Taehyung’s steps not far from you and proceed to join the waiting crowd, their phones out to capture the stunning scenery.

As everyone gathers, it’s difficult to concentrate on Jae’s briefing of the weekend planned ahead, starting with an introduction to the farm which you frankly do not care to learn about. You try not to glance over at Taehyung at the corner of your eye, at how his hair is still sticking out awkwardly in the back, his eyes slightly swollen from sleep. You try not to notice his hesitancy, standing a distance from you despite everyone else standing in their couples.

It’s like a buzzing in the back of your mind, a constant tug at your consciousness, not allowing you to relax as much as you want to in this serene environment. You want to stop thinking about him but you can’t.

“In February, the weather is set to be nice and warm during the day and slightly chilly in the evenings, so I do hope that you have packed sufficiently as stated in the email. Now, if you look to your left...” Jae’s monologue drones on like white noise, because all you can focus on is not focusing on Taehyung.

Lotta has not replied to your hounding messages with anything of use, no answers to your plethora of questions. Just relax. Stop making such a big deal out of it, grow up and make up with him because you clearly aren’t over him. You wanted to tell her that things are not that simple, she doesn’t know how badly you both fucked up. Yet, you know her response would only be some pretentiously worded reply full of the condescending wisdom it always contains when she’s telling you off.

You’ll admit it, as stubborn as you are, Lotta’s advice is right 9 times out of 10. She was right when she said you shouldn’t have gone with Taehyung to Mykonos within two weeks of knowing him because he could have been a killer or psychopath. She was right when she pointed out that you act like Taehyung annoys the living shit out of you but you secretly care deeply for him.

But she’s definitely not right this time, you are adamant about it. It would be a miracle if you and Taehyung could even be friends within the next six months, let alone… And if anything were to happen, setting you two up on a romantic holiday together is certainly the wrong way to go about it. It feels so inorganic, like you’re forced to spend time with each other.

Out of habit, you steal a glance at him. It’s not a surprise to find him not paying an ounce of attention to Jae either. Taehyung is staring off into the strawberry field, face angled away from you such that the sunlight is hitting his skin in all the right places to glaze a golden aura over him.

It’s strange to see such a permanent sadness in his eyes, a melancholic nostalgia. You hate yourself - you did this to him, you broke him. Does he hate you? Resent you? You think you’d rather he did.

Soon, the group of you are whisked away down a pebbly path to a rustic looking hotel beside the farm where you will all stay in. It’s not the old run-down type of rustic, but more the luxurious kind that very evidently serves an aesthetic purpose. And that’s when you begin to notice, this “farm” is not really a farm at all, but more a boujee farm-themed resort. This trip could certainly not have been cheap. As much as you are here against your will, you can’t help but feel immense gratitude to Lotta for her willingness to spend such money on you.

You are stopped at a grand lobby, the style of which resembling a small piazza of Southern Italy - warm neutral-toned Roman concrete walls with a green flourish of vines and bushes. It’s absolutely stunning, a surreal setting that you only see in movies. It’s impossible not to feel the air of romance circulating this architecture. You glance over to find him, stood an awkwardly respectful distance away from you, gaping around at the interior of the building in awe. He is a sucker for art, especially architecture. You almost wish you were friends again only to hear him gush about the beauty of this place.

When Jae begins to hand out room keys, it suddenly occurs to you, perhaps the worst aspect of your predicament this weekend - you are sharing a room with Taehyung.

You are sharing a…

Heart sinking, you look over again to see if the same thought has dawned on him. It has. His eyes are fixed on Jae in an eerily blank way, his jaw tense, a single bead of sweat trickling down the side of his forehead which you will excuse as the heat.

When Jae approaches you, Taehyung automatically joins your side in a dazed worry. Eye contact made was brief, not enough for you two to communicate whether or not you tell Jae that this was all a mistake and you would much rather be apart.

“Here you go, Y/N.” Your guide flashes you that charming grin of his as he waves your keycards before you. Instinctively, you receive it in your palm. “You guys have got the deluxe suite - wonderful choice.”

“We-” You begin, but he doesn’t seem to take notice. You’re starting to notice that he perhaps likes the sound of his own voice a bit too much.

“As I said, strawberry-picking will start at half past so that gives you a bit of time to drop off your luggage and freshen up after the long ride.” He continues. This will probably be the only chance you get to tell him that you and Taehyung aren’t a couple before it becomes too late, and you’re going to miss this opportunity because of another one of his monologues. The desperate itch in your chest grows an uncomfortable size. “Please meet here at the reception on time. And as for your luggage - oh, I see you two are lightly-packed. Low maintenance, my favourite type of people. In that case, your room is on the ground floor, if you follow that lovely couple down that corridor over there.”

And just like that, he smiles, retracts his extended arm pointing towards the direction of your room and turns to guide another couple.

“Wai-” You call after him weakly, but he has once again launched into the same speech he’d recited to you to a new audience.

And there goes your chance of rectifying this weekend.

You stand there for a good minute, mind trying to piece together how, just how, you will manage to survive this weekend. Taehyung is quiet beside you, equally as baffled at what to do.

“Should we head to our room then…” He mutters after too long a moment of unmoving stature. “I kinda want to change into some lighter clothes and we don’t have that long.”

You nod without looking at him. Because you can’t stand looking at his face right now, the face that you’ll be stuck with for these two days, the face that you love.

Silence between you now grows more familiar as you walk wordlessly to your room, the round corner of the plastic keycard digging hard into your palm. It’s painfully awkward. Your echoing steps provide the only stable rhythm against the storm between you.

Beep. The door opens at your will with a swipe of the card.

You weren’t prepared for what exactly the deluxe room entails. Its size could easily be a tiny studio apartment: a small seating area consisting of a pearly white sofa and a glass coffee table so delicately built that you would not trust yourself near; a mini-kitchen on the left side of the room accompanied by a generously stocked beverage bar; a king-sized bed in the far right wine-red in colour and excessively buried in frivolous cushions. But the belle of the ball is really the glass panelled-wall at the back of the room that you face as you enter, spanning from ceiling to floor, opening up to the patio hand-plucked out of your dreams. Rose bushes, circular beige woven garden daybed, and not to mention the hot tub.

You are completely in awe. Your mind instantly flashes to Mykonos. This luxury is the furthest from a farm experience whatsoever. It really explains how every couple on this trip looks like the child of a wealthy politician with their finely manicured hands and sickly cologne.

“Woah.” An octave deeper than usual, Taehyung expresses his wonder as he surveys the extravagance that is your room. “This… How much must this have cost?”

“I have no idea.” You whisper, still in your state of near speechlessness while your feet take you to the glass wall.

This is a place of romantic films, a place for honeymoons. Everything is in a rose-gold tint, glistening almost mockingly under the soft February sun. Why are you here? You almost hear the slabs of sandstone ask.

Behind you, you hear him huff out the marvel that he is submerged in. His backpack slides off his shoulder, swung carelessly towards the loveseat. And plop he goes, starfished onto the bed.

Then the fear returns, reclaims its usual residence in your throat. As you pry your eyes away from the opulence of the veranda to look at Taehyung, his head lifts up at the same moment. The short-lived mist that clouded over your reality finally disperses.

You blink again at his sprawled out limbs. He blinks back.

It is as if a switch has flipped, the speed at which he jumps back onto his two feet, fright jarring his mouth agape. “I’llsleeponthesofa.” The slur of his words are unintelligible to your ears, but his display of alarm is almost comical, threatening a smile from the corners of your lips at the hysteria of your situation despite the same alarm you are experiencing.

“What?”

“I’ll sleep on the sofa.” His voice is firmer the second time he says it, tilting his chin up as if to reassure you of his confidence.

“It’s okay, I’ll sleep on the sofa.” You sigh because you know how much Taehyung is bursting to sleep in a king-sized bed. It was his first time in Mykonos, and you had not heard the end of how it was the best sleep he’s had in his lifetime. So imagine him now.

He bristles, a genuine look of offence fleets. “Of course not, I can’t allow that.”

“Why not?” Your tone with him is foreign, lacking the playfulness it once had - just an aloof callousness.

“‘Coz! I’m not gonna let you take the couch while I sleep on this massive bed.” He gestures at the couch for emphasis, letting his arm dangle afterwards. He is less different with you than you are with him, you note.

“You just answered my question with the very statement I was questioning you on.” You cross your arms and lean against the glass, allowing the warmth to bask through your shirt.

Taehyung frowns and mirrors your action, the muscle of his bicep flexing more than usual from the agitation in his motion. “‘Coz you’re a light sleeper. Just stop being stubborn and take the bed.”

You’re not quite sure why, of all things, ‘you’re a light sleeper’ is what moves you. The consideration he still holds for you inhibits any protest you wish to sound.

He cares about you, he clearly still does. Just like how you would willingly give up the bed for him.

God, you don’t want to fucking be here. You wish it didn’t have to be so painful, every single little interaction between you just reminding you again and again of how much you loved and hurt each other.

Taehyung takes your silence as compliance and begins to unpack, ruffling through his bag for a change of cooler clothes with his shoulders tense in discomfort. You know what the mature person in you should say: we can just share the bed. But you can’t think of a single reason why that would be a good idea.

With this Valentine’s trip completely planned for you two, it feels like the universe presenting you with an undeniable temptation. Everything around you is telling you to just get back with him, to give in to your inhibitions and fall back into him. You’ve got the champagne in the cooler, hot tub in the patio, rose petalled bed all laid out in front of you at your disposal. An inner voice chanting make up, make up, make up. Because what’s stopping you?

What’s stopping you is that look on his face when he saw Jimin fixing the back of his shoe beside you as you were walking him out. What’s stopping you is the sound of another girl moaning his name right down the hall from you.

So maybe some could see it as strength for resisting the yearning, for being able to put up a front and speak to him so indifferently. But you see it as weakness, because you still cannot move on.

.

Despite the sun blazing down your back, the cool gust of spring weather eases what otherwise would have been scorching heat. Never would you anticipate that you would be spending this weekend sifting through strawberry bushes to find large red ripe summer fruit, yet here you are. You don’t even think it’s strawberry season.

You’ve never been a country girl, but the dirt feels strangely comforting under your nails. Well, comforting is perhaps not the best word to describe your state of mind right now. As much tranquility as this farm is bringing you, with Taehyung always no more than two metres away from you, you don’t think you could ever relax.

In black sports shorts, plucking his own berries on the other side of the same very row of bushes, sweat trickling along the veins of his neck… Of course your attention is scattered.

Not to mention, you keep catching his shifting eyes. You thought you ought to say something, but what exactly? The awkwardness is prominent as it is.

A heavy exhale. You find a particularly large berry, leaves curling upwards to indicate its ripeness as the strawberry expert (yes, strawberry expert) had taught you. Pluck. And off it goes into your basket.

This is definitely therapeutic. You imagine every strawberry to be your feelings for Taehyung. This one over here shall symbolise his musky scent that you fall asleep to. Pluck. This one, his stupidly attractive perm, so long that even you would tell him to trim it because it’s covering his eyes. Pluck. His eyes… Especially when he’s confused as he makes that wide-eyed puppy dog face, which is very often. Pluck.

You glance up, you can’t help it.

And he’s already looking at you. Caught red-handed, literally red-handed because his hands are somehow stained with strawberry juice. Instantly he whips his head back down at his basket that is rested by his crouching knees, though there is not much in there for him to look at.

“Stop making this weirder than it already is.” He almost jumps when you speak, clearly not expecting any sort of interaction from your end.

Slowly, he glances back up at you, dark wavy fringe swaying from the slow tilt of his head. “I- Sorry, I wasn’t- Um, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

There’s something quite breathtaking about Taehyung under the sun, the way the rays reflect off his honey-tan skin to give an effulgent finish like a marble statue of some Ancient Roman God worshipped by priests and maidens. The coat of sweat gathered at his cupid’s bow could possibly be your undoing.

You love him, despite all the strawberries symbolic of his traits that you were picking.

And you hate yourself for that. You don’t want to feel like this anymore. You’re so sick of this heavily-hearted feeling of being dragged down by your emotions all the fucking time. You want to be able to look at him and feel nothing, look at him and not be intruded by the echoes of that night.

It makes you sick, the thought of him inside someone else. Physically sick to the core.

“Well, you are. So stop looking at me.” You state coldly. You just want to forget everything and let go of him, but his presence is not letting you do so. If being a bitch is what it takes, you’ll gladly be a bitch

“No, you have dirt on your face.”

Embarrassment slams into you like a wave, wielding you to shut your eyes and take a deep breath of humiliation. It’s instant karma for being a bitch. “Oh.” You say, carelessly wiping all over your cheeks with the back of your wrist, more with the intention of hiding the rush of blood to your face than to actually clean. You keep your eyes trained on a tiny pale berry in the bush, hoping that he’ll look away from you.

But he doesn’t. “You’re smearing it.” You look up to find his lips drawn in a tight line in attempt to hide his amusement. Everything is just working out wonderfully for you, isn’t it? Yet before your mind can process it, he rises from his crouch and leans over the short bushes.

When his thumb meets your cheek, it almost sears you. As his eyes are focused on the dirt on your face he’s brushing away, yours are locked on his gaze - gentle, warm, familiar. The collar of his shirt droops low, exposing his chiseled collar bones, protruding so enticingly as if for the sole purpose to catch your attention and remind you that it was one of your favourite places to bury your nose in.

Taehyung’s touch is heartbreakingly gentle; the rest of his fingers come under the side of your jaw for support, though only fleetingly. The whole exchange is brief, the dirt brushed away as swiftly as your relationship had crumpled.

You feel it in your nose first, that overwhelming wave of sadness, and then behind your eyes. You want to cry. You want to cry as he pulls away, as he realises that he has unconsciously acted out of familiarity, as a shyness reaches his eyes when he meets your glare.

It was only a mindless sweep of his thumb on your face, yet its impact is explosive under your skin, reminiscent of a time when such a touch had different implications, elicited a different response.

You quickly blink it away - the tears, but not the heartache. That wretched feeling in your throat does not permit you to thank him, so you just stare at each other, the world around you a mere blur of blues and greens. You watch his chest rise as he sucks in for air, wondering if the same memories are now visiting, no, haunting, him.

You can’t do this because you’re not strong enough. For you whole act of indifference in front of him, your constant resisting against the urge to fall back into him, you’re still not strong enough.

But to your surprise, or perhaps even gratitude, he’s the one who picks up his basket and paces away without another word. You watch the back of his calves, the slosh of his overgrown hair, as he walks away.

.

You stare out the glass door at the patio. It’s dark, you can scarcely see a thing with the lights outside switched off. It acts as a perfect canvas for your imagination, for scenes of your past together to materialise before you.

It’s not been a full day yet, and you already feel so drained. This is impossible. You want to call Lotta to pick you up, but upon deeper consideration, you don’t think you have the heart to. This must have cost her a considerable amount of money to book. She had the full intention that this will bring you and Taehyung back together, yet it is doing everything but. You don’t want to imagine her disappointment when you return in streams of tears.

After the session of strawberry-picking, your baskets were handed over for your fruits to be washed and prepared for your baking class tomorrow. Following that is your free time, when you are left to your own devices, at liberty to roam around the farm, dine at their organic restaurant by the hotel. Taehyung had taken Jae’s recommendation of visiting the spa; you opted to stroll (sulk) about, as far away from him as possible.

It’s unhealthy, this continuous bombardment of thoughts of him. Your month’s worth of progress has reduced to ashes.

Maybe you don’t even actually have feelings for him anymore. It could purely be a deception of the closeness you’ve developed for each other that you mistaken for love. You had spent almost every single day of the past two and a half years together, under the same roof, sharing a bed towards the last few months. It’s the safety and intimacy that your brain associates him with that forbids you from moving on.

Maybe you’re actually over him romantically. But the wanting, the missing him as your best friend still lingers.

The door to your room opens abruptly. Hair damp, Taehyung strolls inside in a white bathrobe and slippers, his clothes bunched up under his arm. Tiny beads of moisture dot the sparse view of his chest you have.

“Oh, you’re here.” He says, his step faltering at your clearly unanticipated presence. Or perhaps the sight of you, staring out into the dark, completely alone in this room is just awfully strange. “I thought you’d be eating at this time.” Eyes dropping to the ground as the door shuts behind him, his movements are clearly timid and weary, an rare expression on Taehyung.

“Not that hungry.” You mutter. “How was…” You ask out of habit, but immediately catch yourself. Quick eye contact before you both look away like docile animals. It’s too late for you to take back the question now anyway. “How was the spa?” And to make it appear that you don’t really care and was just asking out of courtesy, you turn back around to face out to the patio.

Completely unnecessary and petty move, whatever.

Except you see his reflection on the glass from the illuminated room all too well. Visibly easing that you’ve looked away, he plops his clothes down at the end of the bed and trails into the bathroom to fetch a towel for his hair. “Was really nice, they give good massages. You should give it a go at some point.”

“Okay.” He gives his head a good shake before drying with the towel. It feels creepy that he doesn’t know you are watching his reflection, so your eyes drop to your feet. You wonder if his masseuse was female. Not that it matters at all.

“What time are we meant to meet them for stargazing again?” He is speaking a lot - well, relatively. It saddens you that his usual tone of endearment when he would speak to you is now missing. It’s like speaking to a stranger, but worse, a stranger who takes a stab at your heart after every word.

“At 9, so that’s in…” You raise your wrist to find your watch absent from where it usually sits on your wrist. Right, you had removed it before strawberry-picking so it doesn’t get dirty and left it on the coffee table. Just as you turn around to retrieve it, you are met with Taehyung slipping his robe off. Your eyes widen.

The fluffy material glides down his shoulders like he’s made of gold, revealing the sculpture of his upper body that you scarcely recognise because he never used to be this toned. You thank any higher power there is that he is wearing his boxers, but they do nothing to conceal the faintest V at his hips and the bulk of his thighs. He isn’t bursting with muscle, but body definitely more well-defined than you remember.

“Have you been working out?” It just slips out. You wish, as the heat floods to dizzy your mind, that you had the capability of holding your tongue for once in your life.

Taehyung hesitates, Adam’s apple bobbing at his jugular. That shy awkwardness returns when your eyes meet. “Yeah. I mean a little, here and there…” Self-consciously, he brings his arm across his chest to rub at his bicep, but the gesture only flexes the muscle he has gained.

Your knees feel slightly weak. It’s the lack of dinner, you tell yourself. It’s not just your knees that feel weak though, your heart is thumping haphazardly into arrhythmia.

“But you hate exercise.” The stability in your voice surprises you.

“Yeah I did, but Seojoon said it’d help me take my mind off… things.” Lip between his teeth, Taehyung searches around for a top. Sheepishness in the form of a soft pink tint on his round cheeks turns you soft.

‘Things’, meaning you.

When you realise you’ve been staring, you immediately look down, fingers fiddling with each other like you’re some virgin freshly exposed to the spectacle of the male body. You’re anything but yourself, and so is he. Taehyung exercising? You almost scoff.

“You don’t have to… You’ve seen me naked, you know.” Taehyung mumbles, finally locating the sweatshirt he intends to wear. When you hear him pull it over himself, you sag in relief, the immense weight that his starkness strangely bestowed on you finally alleviated.

“Yeah, but it’s different now.” Now that we’re not together anymore. Not that we were ever together.

You know he feels it too, the sting of those words. The hurt in his eyes fill you with a sort of bitter self-resentment that you cannot wrap your head around. Stop looking at me like that. Stop making me feel like a bitch. Just stop hurting me.

“Yeah, it is.” But for some reason, it stings even more when he says it. His agreement should be a triumph, yet it feels more like the acknowledgement of the broken bridges between you.

When it comes from your mouth, it’s you convincing yourself more than anything. When it comes from his, it sounds like the truth.

.

Of the many things that are slowly killing Taehyung this weekend, the painfully awkward silence is among the most unbearable. It’s the loud kind of silence that he hates where there is clearly so much to say to each other yet none of it is coming out. There’s a vast ocean between you, roaring waves engulfing any sort of message he wishes to communicate.

This has to be one of the strangest experiences of his life - being set up by your friend on a couple’s trip to a resort disguised as a strawberry farm for Valentine’s day with you - and he has experienced a lot of weird shit in his life.

To be honest, he hasn’t been doing so great the past few weeks.

All the anger and bitterness had taken two days to melt away into miserable wretchedness. Two days, that’s all it took for him to not be angry with you anymore because there was one person he was angrier at - himself.

Because Taehyung was quick to realise that losing you is miles, miles, worse than what you had done to him. It was a sudden sort of realisation, the kind that hits you in the middle of doing something. What had he done?

The way he yelled at you, the things he said. His chest always sinks at the rememberance.

You didn’t know it was Jimin, you truly didn’t. But he exploded on you nonetheless, impermeable to your explanation. That wasn’t him. That raging bellowing man wasn’t him. If only he had just calmed down and talked it through with you, maybe he wouldn’t have been sleeping alone in your bed that your scent still clung on to.

And when he thinks about how you had heard him with that girl from the club, the bar, wherever his inebriated state took him that he doesn’t even remember…

Taehyung regrets everything.

How you got to this point was so extremely stupid. He should have just confessed to you, simple and easy, no complications needed. You are a commitment-phobe, he always knew he’d have to be the one to say it first. So why didn’t he? What the fuck was holding him back?

All he had to say was to not go on that date with Junho. That’s all you wanted. Why why why didn’t he just say how he felt?

Taehyung never knew himself to be a crier before this. He had shed a tear or two when he found out about Ryujin’s cheating and his friends’ betrayal; that was a stab in the back that left him gutted from the inside. Yet still, he got by, he survived because he found you. And he had naively thought, I managed to bear through this so nothing can really be worse than this now can it?

It can, and it did.

Once it starts, it won’t stop. The tears. A great tempest swallowing him whole and dragging him under until all he could hear was his own pounding heart. It is always before bed, when he would have the time to himself to truly think and reflect. But sometimes it comes during the day as well. He will be doing something as mundane as washing his hair in the shower, and he would suddenly break down because you had left him your shampoo that you would always get annoyed at him for using.

The house just feels empty. The absence of your voice, your warmth, your lips pressed on his neck every morning before his eyes even fully opened. Gone.

Yet, every corner is etched with the memories you share, your ghost lingering by the sofa that you adore whenever he’s watching TV, or curled up beside him every night in bed. It’s impossible to forget you.

Even as Seojoon moved in to fill your vacated room and help with the rent, the place was cold. It will never be the same because nothing could ever replace you. Everything he had and cherished - swept away just like that by none other than his own mistakes.

Yes, you had hurt him a lot. At the time, that pain felt insurmountable, like the worst thing you could ever do to him. But ultimately, upon the endless nights of thinking, he has realised that what hurt him the most was not you, but losing you. Not Jimin, not Junho, but how what could have been between you two fell apart so quickly by the poor choices you both made.

“Now if you look up to your left, you might be able to see one of our February constellations, the Pictor.” Jae announces, voice full of an enthusiasm that Taehyung could only envy as he guides the tour group towards the centre of a large plain field behind the hotel where you will all be stargazing. It is a lovely, breezy, cloudless night. You are several paces ahead of Taehyung, keenly reading the constellation manual leaflet lit up by your phone; he knows just how much of an astronomy geek you are. “It consists of four stars, as shown on your Star Guide, that are actually very dim and usually not easily spotted. The name Pictor means the Painter’s easel.”

Taehyung stops. Despite the darkness, he sees your shoulders tense too.

The easel you had gifted him on his birthday sits in his closet, stowed away from being a constant reminder of how much you loved him and how much he should have held on. It just sits there, collecting dust, untouched since the day you left.

The halt in Jae’s walking indicates your arrival to the intended location. “Here we are. Let’s settle down, love birds. I’ll set up this gorgeous telescope for anyone who wants to explore the sky in greater focus which I highly recommend.”

Spreading across the field, the group unrolls the picnic blankets you’ve all been given, dropping down to rest atop the covered grass.

No time is wasted from everyone else to snuggle up to their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives. The atmosphere is sickly, even for Taehyung. The couples around him have done little to hide their affection for each other since the beginning of the trip. It is a romantic vacation after all, but is it really so necessary to display your love so publicly?

You stand static and poker-faced on the other side of the mat, clear signs of reluctance to participate plastered all over you.

Taehyung has never stargazed before, let alone in this context. The stiffness in your movement as you sink down onto your knees and lie down in discomfort makes him wince. He realises now that neither of you have a choice but to put away any ill feelings and lay beside each other.

As he gets down next to you, his head nearly tumbles out his chest at the sudden proximity that he has grown so unused to. In the dark, your scent washes up to him like a timid tide lapping at the shore, hair swaying off your shoulders as you get onto your back. The size of the mat does not permit him elsewhere other than immediately beside you, no more than five inches from touching shoulders. Five inches from touching.

Truthbetold, Taehyung feels himself going insane. It started from the moment he saw you on the bus, your wide eyes, parted lips, so pretty despite the look of terror you wore. He didn’t think he would have the chance to see you any time soon. He hadn’t truly comprehended the magnitude at which he missed you until he saw you again.

And he has been spiralling since. Every gesture making his senses scream in agony, the desire to just talk to you mangling at him. He misses you like crazy. Not necessarily in that way, but just your presence, your funny comments, your feign annoyance when he annoys you. He misses the companionship.

You are both on your back now, the blanket feeling either slightly damp or too cold for comfort. The star-speckled sky hanging above you both is endless, a panoramic painting from east to west. You stare at the sky like it’s your lover, so Taehyung does the same. Astronomy doesn’t interest him as much as the meaning and purpose behind the act of stargazing. The people he’s with and the memories he makes.

Wordless, you stare at the sky, ignorant to his presence. The soft hum of everyone else’s whispers accentuates that frustrating silence between you. Taehyung is so fucking tired of the silence because he’s bursting with things to say to you, to ask you.

“Are we just not going to speak?”

His question startles you for you almost, almost, turn to look at him. The slight angling of your head before you catch yourself does not go unmissed by him.

“What do you want to speak about?” Taehyung hates the coldness in your voice. The unfeeling sounds so real. Why are you being this way? Do you seriously want nothing to do with him? That possibility scares him above all else.

Someone giggles a few yards from you two. On this large grassland, the couples are dispersed in their own little bubble of sweet affection, but not enough for his ears to not pick up these little sounds that send courses of envy through his vessel.

“What do you think?” The four weeks you spent apart were four weeks of lamenting over all the things he should have said, and all that he shouldn’t. And Taehyung’s is done with regretting unspoken words. He just wants to get everything out in the open, out of his system, so he can move on.

“I mean-”

“Look, Y/N. This is stupid, the whole ignoring each other thing. Don’t you just want to say your piece and get that weight off your chest?” In the distance, crickets chirp faintly. The discomfort shuddering in the five-inch area between your shoulders is screaming volumes. Taehyung doesn’t turn away from the sky for the fear of the expression he would see you wear.

He expects a note of irritation in your voice, for you to start arguing with him which he truthfully doesn’t mind because that is at least progress. But instead he gets a quiet defeat. “I don’t want to reopen wounds that are already ripping open, Taehyung.”

It wrenches his soul, truly. He doesn’t recognise you when you speak anymore, both with the things you say, and the way you say it. “Talking will help it heal.” Because that’s both your final goals here - to heal, to be cured of the ailment that is heartbreak.

“How exactly is it going to change anything?”

“I don’t know. We’ve had time to calm down and think and I think we should have some closure so we end on a good note.”

It’s funny now, how Taehyung is the one pleading to speak to you when he should be the one who’s angry at you because you were the one to commit the last and biggest fault. He doesn’t see it like that though, that’s all in the past. To be friends with you again, that’s all he wishes for, he doesn’t care about anything else at this point.

“So this is about amicability to you? You want to end on good terms.” Neither of you still dare to look at the other, eyes locked on the stars but somewhere distant.

“Well, yeah. Do you not?” He asks. He hadn’t expected you to be this uneasy, he thought you would have liked the idea of peace amongst you. “Everything towards the end happened so quickly, wouldn’t you like some closure?

“I would rather take my time and heal in my own way. To be honest, I don’t have anything to say to you about that topic except that I’m sorry, but I’m sure you’re sick of hearing that. It’s pointless.”

You’re coping with this differently, Taehyung understands. But it doesn’t take much effort to be pleasant towards each other, to smile and greet each other like normal people instead of scrambling away from every eye contact. How do you suppose you’d be able to move on like that?

“So not even friends right now?” He tries one last time. A soft breeze washes over you, wafting your scent towards him.

“No, I don’t want to be friends right now.”

Your bluntness stings. Taehyung finally gives in and turns to face you. Your striking profile greets him, your eyes still stubbornly glued to the sky. Your unwillingness to budge or compromise even a little bit is frustrating.

“We were best friends for the past two and a half years. More than best friends, we were literally two peas in a pod; we lived together, ate together, studied together, slept together. And now we don’t even talk. You’re okay with losing that? You’re telling me that I’m the only one who misses it more than anything else?” His angry whisper sounds ridiculous as he tries to keep his volume down, conscious of the setting he’s in.

But then he sees you blink, hard. Then blink again. Your pursed lip trembles. Another two consecutive blinks. When you look at him, your eyes are so glassy that they reflect the entirety of the galaxy above. “How am I supposed to be your friend right now when I can’t even look at you without feeling this great pang of sadness every time?” Taehyung immediately wishes he hadn’t pushed you.

“I… just would rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you at all.” His voice softens to a tone more apologetic. He is the reason for the tears you’re holding back right now and he despises it.

“I would rather not have you in my life at all while I slowly get over you than have you as just a friend because my heart can’t take this constant torture. I just want to be over you but I can’t do that if I have to pretend to be okay around you. And I just don’t get it Taehyung. How are you so willing to be friends again? After what I did, how could you look at me and not hate me?”

Taehyung frowns at you because he doesn’t see how you can’t understand it’s not about that anymore. It’s not about the blame, the who did what to who. He doesn’t care anymore but the fact that you do is alarming. You still can’t let it go.

“Okay, so is this about you not forgiving yourself?” He prods, and watches the brief flash of confusion on your face.

“I-” You’re quick to dispute but stop. Because it’s the truth.

A long silence ensures. You stare at the collar of his sweatshirt, zoned out. Taehyung knows you’re in deep contemplation, you know his points have strong grounds. There is no reason for hostility or callousness between you because it would only hurt each other more.

“Look,” He takes a deep breath. “I just think that it’s unhealthy for you to act like this. You’re burying and burying what you’re feeling without actually facing it. Trying to be friends is a good first step in accepting that we’re not together anymore; being cold to each other isn’t. Think about it.”

Another long pause. He watches you blink, watches your chest rise and fall at every breath.

“I understand your point, I know my coping mechanism isn’t healthy but it’s all that I know right now. We’re different, we’re hurting differently and healing differently. I’m sorry for acting out on you when it’s myself who I want to punish. But I seriously don’t have the strength to be your friend right now, I wish I did but I really don’t. Just give me time.” The fact that you’re not arguing with him says a lot; you have both matured from this experience. It’s sad that this is what it took for you to do so.

“Okay. I respect that.” Taehyung says. “I’m sorry for pushing this onto you, it’s selfish of me, sorry. I just… I don’t know, I guess I’m pathetic. You were my best friend and I want to salvage it as much as I can. I just miss you, that’s all.”

You don’t say anything, but Taehyung is okay with that. Because he knows you miss him too, you miss the friendship, the having each other to lean on.

The difference between you and him is that you can’t compartmentalise your lingering feelings for him and put that aside right now, whereas he can. You need to rid those feelings before you can be his friend, and he’s okay with that.

He stares at Pictor, it’s four weak stars that dim beside much brighter constellations yet somehow call to him. And he almost smiles.

.

You stare at your own reflection in the mirror.

That conversation with Taehyung resonates with you more than you’d care to let on. You let every single word he said sink in, your inner turmoil contemplating the points he made. Because he definitely has a point.

What resonates with you most is the word closure.

He’s right, everything between you ended so quickly that there was no time to process and accept it until it was already over. Maybe that’s why you’re finding it so hard to let go. If you were to be friends again, you could at least normalise his presence and gradually move past this.

Twisting the faucet on, you splash some water on your face to clear this dilemma from your head. And after wiping yourself dry, you exit the bathroom into your room with a great sigh.

Taehyung is wearing the grey hoodie - that’s the first thing you notice. As in the grey hoodie you would always claim as your own because of how soft its material is. The grey hoodie that you regret giving back to him. The grey hoodie that he would always wear when you guys gamed at midnight and it would always end with you on his lap, his locks tangled in your fingers while his mouth explored yours.

You take it back, fuck being friends, you’re back to square one.

He glances up in the dark, eyes surveying your silhouette from head to toe as he places a pillow on one end of the couch. Ever since that conversation, there’s the most subtle difference in his permanent expression - his lips look inclined to smile, his eyes hold an understanding for you that makes you feel vulnerable.

And, god, it makes you want to try. He deserves it, to have his best friend back in his life even if that best friend is you, the person he trusted the most in the world only to turn around and impale him in the chest with those stupid decisions of yours.

The omnipresence of your awkwardness hasn’t faltered though. “Taehyung, I said I would take the couch.” You protest, though you’re starting to see that it’s futile. You may be the more stubborn one between the pair, but there are certain things that Taehyung would never back down from.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen, Y/N.” The corner of his lip turns up properly now, like he’s silently snickering at a joke he thought of. “That’s just - not gonna happen.”

“What’s so funny?” Switching the bathroom lights off behind you, you ask. You hadn’t packed well for this trip, you are only in a flimsy camisole and a pair of sweats, the cold air coaxes goosebumps on your skin. His gaze follows you as you draw the curtains shut over the glass wall, leaving only a strip of moonlight streaming in.

“Nothing.” Taehyung places both hands on the top of his head, an action that causes his hoodie to slightly ride up his torso. You fix your eyes on the floor as you approach him and the sofa. “It’s just funny how you think I’d ever let you sleep on the couch while I sleep on the bed.”

There is a dead end down this path you’re going, neither of you would let the other win. So you simply ignore him and situate yourself on the couch, stretching your legs to span it wholly. “Good night.” Fixing the pillow he had placed, you shut your eyes.

“What, no.” You can hear the smile wipe off his face, almost making you chuckle out loud. “Y/N, get up.” Hastily he hovers over you. But when you show no sign of acknowledgement, he shuffles away. A moment later, you feel a great gust of air, then the softest silkiest duvet landing over you.

Your eyes fly open. And there Taehyung stands with his arms crossed smugly. “If you take the couch, you also take the covers.”

“No! You’ll be cold.”

“You’ll be cold. You’re not wearing enough.”

You give up. “Oh, for god’s sake, Taehyung. Fine. Let’s both sleep on the bed, okay?” His entire expression dilates. He doesn’t even blink as you get off the couch and cross your arms back at him. “Problem solved.”

Taking his wrist in one hand, dragging the plush duvet in the other, you walk to the bed and sit him down. No noise of protest emits from him, so you go back to retrieve the pillow from the couch in a huff.

“Are you sure?” His voice is suddenly timid, unsure. And he’s right to be so, because you’re quaking on the inside as well at the prospect of sleeping beside him.

It’s not going to be good for your heart, you know that definitely. But like he said, you need to face this. If you touch a paper cut enough times, it stops hurting. “It’s just sleeping, it’s no big deal.” You lie. “You want to be friends right? Well let’s start with this. Let’s stop being stupid and childish.” You can’t look him in the eye as you rearrange the bedding back to its original state before Taehyung messed it up.

His reply merely a quiet yeah… before you both hesitantly crawl under the covers and tuck in. Heat flushes to your face as you do so because the action feels so familiar, yet everything about it is different.

Absolute silence. Backs facing each other. An arm's length or two between you but it feels like more. You don’t even shut your eyes because why pretend that you’ll fall asleep?

Your own palpitation is so vigorous that it’s audible. The thoughts whizzing around in your head are unstoppable, a persistent prodding at your skull. His scent is strong, that sweet honey musk that used to seduce you to sleep now the very thing that’s keeping you up.

It must be, what, ten? twenty minutes? of just laying there as you ponder your future with Taehyung, if you want a future at all. He’s right, you miss his friendship above all else. As much as you love Lotta, there is an intangible quality missing between you, that extra spark that existed between Taehyung which boosted your dynamic up to an incomparable level. You understood each other without having to speak, care about each other more than yourselves - that love was almost familial. Losing that has been too much.

Then you hear Taehyung shift onto his back. “Y/N?” Your heart skips a beat.

“Yeah?” You answer after a pause, mind racing through all the possibilities of what he could say. You hate this permanent uncertainty of what he’s thinking.

Silence follows for a short while, the endless possibility of what he’s going to say flooding your mind. Then, “You know how I can’t sleep without holding something?”

You stop breathing.

Because you see very clearly where this is going, and it’s down a road that you don’t know if you can withstand.

He can’t sleep without holding you. Holding you.

You take a deep breath and clamp down on your lip, grateful that your back is facing him so he can’t see the pathetic weakness on your face. Can you do this?

Can you do this without wanting to cry? Can you do this without succumbing to your momentary desire to just turn around and kiss him because you won’t be able to think straight with his arms around you? You’re really not sure.

“Yes…?”

“Can I…” Something rustles the covers, perhaps his arm, or maybe he’s inching closer. In the pitch black night, every movement feels amplified, more impactful. “You know…”

“Can you what?” You’re not being difficult, you’re giving him the chance to take back on this request. To just say nevermind and turn back around. Because you’re not equipped for his touch; you don’t want it, you don’t want the pain that comes with it.

Another pause. Take the chance, please. But his deep hesitant voice sounds in the dark, “Can I hold you please?”

You shut your eyes. That feeling in your nose again, that rush. Hold it in, don’t cry, stupid emotional bitch, don’t cry. What’s there to cry about? You wonder if this torment will end, and you wonder if you could ever stop feeling this much for him.

“I swear I’m not trying anything, I genuinely can’t sleep.” His voice has a way of penetrating deep into your bones, begging you even if it’s not his intention to.

You could say no, right? Just say no.

But that isn’t facing it, that isn’t overcoming your heartbreak. If your goal of this trip is to come out of this weekend completely devoid of feelings for him, then you need to let him stop affecting you.

“Okay. Please don’t make it weird.” You whisper, not daring to move a muscle.

Taehyung sags in relief, the bed dipping with his weight. “I won’t, I promise.” The sound of him shuffling closer to you constricts your throat. You close your eyes, awaiting the warmth of his front to meet your back, counting down in your head for that dreaded moment to come. “Come closer.” He murmurs.

When his hand fits around your waist, you know it’s an act of unconscious habit rather than intent. Slowly, he drags you into the enclosure of his chest, his scent and heat enshrouding you until you are completely engulfed by him.

He exhales, the fingertips of his breath caressing your hair ever so gently.

Every fibre in your body is tensing, eyes firmly shut and toes curled inwards. His hand feels enormous on your waist, holding you the only way he has ever known how to. With a unique type of affection that is so pure and devoted, yet also with a hint of protectiveness and possession.

Taehyung lets go of your waist only to encircle his arms around you entirely, his legs curling up under yours until you’re both cocooned together.

“You okay?” The back of your neck feels tender, sensual even, from the tickling heat of his breath. You’re too keenly aware of how close your heads are positioned, of the searing sensations that his hands are causing.

No, you’re not okay. Your skin has been lit on fire. Memories that you’ve long since tried to bury are surging back at full force, slamming into you one after the other. He’s too close, he’s everywhere. There is no distance separating you right now, yet you still feel miles away from him; you can’t comprehend his intentions nor decipher his thoughts. The fit of the crook of your back into his chest is perfect, a heartbreaking kind of perfect. This feels so so familiar. This is exactly what you had yearned and dreamt for every night for the past month - to be in his arms again. So why does it hurt even more than being alone?

Instead, you nod, “Mmm, yeah.”

A compulsion is yanking at you to lean back into him.

Taehyung exhales again and rests his cheek on the back of your shoulder where he always used to perch. If you were naked right now, he would be speckling this shoulder with soft dainty petal kisses. You hate that there is still a part of you, and mind you a very significant part, that wants it.

Your hands are inches away from touching each other; just one lift of your wrist and your fingers can clasp. The urge indunates you.

It would be so easy right now to just succumb - let your hand crawl into his because you know he would hold it, turn around and start kissing up his jaw until your tongues are tangled. You think it’s purely physical, these impulses, at least that’s what you want them to be. You just miss the intimacy, that’s all. But then why does it feel like you’ve swallowed a kaleidoscope of butterflies? Except their wings are made of glass, and everytime they flutter, you feel the shards scratch along your insides. There is desire laced in the pain. You don’t know which one is worse.

What baffles you the most is how he is alright with this, how he initiated this. He said he wants to at least be your friend, but this surely feels like a breach of friendship to anyone. Holding each other in bed is not being friends. But then again, you both have always had a warped perception of what friends should be doing.

You don’t understand how it’s so different for him. How the areas where you are touching, even if separated by layers of clothes, doesn’t tear through his sanity. If he doesn’t feel the same crack in his heart, then what does he feel?

With every heavy breath he takes, you take a silent one, eyes shut and praying to be swept away by the sleep that you don’t believe will reach you. You haven’t slept well since that night. Taehyung, on the other hand, you know is instantly sound asleep. It never used to take him more than five minutes as long as you were in his clutch.

But then, maybe there is a soothing essence in his presence with his overwhelming pleasant scent and rhythmic breathing, or maybe you’ve just exhausted your body with constant overthinking, a hazy fog drifts over your consciousness. You’re so tired, physically and mentally drained... And Taehyung feels so warm and snug around you...

The last thought you have before you drift off into reverie is that you feel his fingers slide between yours, holding not firmly but with intent. And you don’t know if it was you or him who moved it so.

You wake up from the damp heat gathered in all your crevices, the thin coat of sweat mildly irritating your skin. You are facing the glass door to the patio, and though the curtains conceal much of the windows, strips of sunlight topple past the cracks and unfurl into your room.

Taehyung’s arm is around you. Still.

After these years of living together, you know everything about Taehyung like that back of your hand. You can tell whether he’s awake or not from his breathing. And he’s most definitely asleep, though only lightly.

You look down and examine your position. In the course of the night, his forearm has travelled progressively higher until it is just about cradling your breasts. One of his legs is thrown over yours, entrapping you in his embrace. In his tangle of limbs, you slowly try to twist onto your back while prying him off.

He stirs, pulls you in tighter.

Which lands your rear in the unfortunate position of right atop his crotch. His crotch that is very much awake and way too excited.

Lethargy immediately expelled, your eyes open wide.

Morning wood is a usual occurrence for Taehyung, especially after a night of merciless teasing, but randomly a lot of the times. You shouldn’t be as surprised as you are, nor aroused. He has mentioned before how uncomfortable it can be, a blaring hard presence, a sore tension waking him up in an unforgiving manner. Which means that he can precariously wake any second n-

“Mmmm.” Voice an octave deeper than its norm, he hums, announcing his returning consciousness.

Taehyung’s morning wood and morning voice. You are being tested right now.

Your concupiscence has been gradually building up in the last few weeks from the lack of any sexual activity save for your own fingers and toys. It’s human nature, and completely goes against your will - but you feel the old friend that goes by the name lust stirring at the pit of your stomach.

At your proximity, the tip of his member digs deep between your cheeks, prodding at your entrance incontestably. Your whole body stiffens as the slowly waking Taehyung nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck habitually, arm tensing around you. Ever so slowly, you look back to steal a glance. His wildly curly hair falls over his forehead gracefully, lashes fanned out from his closed lids. He’s too beautiful for his own good.

Your core dampens and you quickly turn back around.

Fuck, please, no. You can’t be thinking about him like that. It’s so wrong. But his erection burrowed between your ass is banishing any clarity or sense from your head.

But God, you fucking miss this.

You’re going mad from deprivation. The dry spell of the past month had been voluntary, on the basis that you knew it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism because you would only picture Taehyung over the faces of those nameless men. And because you knew no one knows you as well as he does, thus no one will succeed in satisfying you as well as him. Your sex drive was non-existent right after the break-up; sex simply didn’t cross your mind once while you were nursing your broken heart. And then it came ebbing back, though faintly and infrequently, you regained your libido and would find yourself fantasising on some lonesome nights.

But now, the situation at hand is that: you’ve allowed Taehyung to cuddle you in his sleep and you’ve consequently woken up to his undeniably hard cock poking between your legs. And he is seconds away from fully waking up as well.

So what now?

“Taehyung.” You say firmly, pushing his arm away from your breasts. It’s best if you call him out for it now rather than let it hang awkwardly in the air unsaid.

“Hmmmm..?” He rumbles sleepily. You don’t have to turn around to be able to envision his face, eyes slowly blinking open but reluctant as ever, true to his deep sleeper title.

“Taehyung.” This time you nudge back gently for emphasis. What it achieves is additional friction. Your whole lower half achse to grind back onto him, to slide over his hardened cock, to reach back and pump it in your hands.

Fuck.

You can’t.

You could, so easily, but you shouldn’t. You and Taehyung are completely over in every sense of your relationship. You can’t let this moment of weakness strip away all your efforts in moving on.

“Wha…” He mumbles, finally peeling his arm off you to stretch out. A loud yawn ensues. You take the opportunity of his loosened hold around you to twist back and pin him with a glare, hoping that your thirst is masked.

“You’re hard.”

Eyes still puffy, he stops mid-stretch at those two words. And looks down.

Did he… not notice? Or did he, in his morning hazy, momentarily get the situation confused and forget that you weren’t together?

Taehyung scrambles away from you so abruptly that he almost falls off the bed. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t- It just- I can’t control it, Y/N, you know I can’t.” His stammering is followed by his jerky movements to readjust his bulge as discreetly as one can allow in such situation. The detonation of terror on his face exacerbates your embarrassment. Because you simply don’t know what to do with yourself - with your core tingling in arousal simultaneously as your brow twitches in annoyance. When your vexed eyes meet his, you see another wave of panic crash onto him.

How did you get in this situation in the first place? If only you had just slept on the couch last night…

“Yeah, I know, stop reacting like that. Don’t make it weirder than it already is.” You berate, yanking the covers with all your strength over your shoulder and roll away from him. The distance is more for your own good. You can’t be near him right now, you can’t think about his fucking cock slipping into you.

You want to fuck. You want to fuck Taehy-

Stop that fucking thought.

“I’m sorry.” His morning voice, oh god. Burying your face into the pillow does little against the fluid pooling in your panties.

“Can you go to the toilet and… fix yourself.” When the words leave your mouth, the imagery of him fixing himself flashes before your eyes. And something pulses violently down there. Fucking fuck.

“Um, okay, sorry.” You try to not peek at him as he gets up from the bed, slightly limping as he makes his way to the toilet. But you succumb nonetheless.

His cheeks are scarlet, veins bulging on the side of his forehead, and you’re not sure if it’s from his embarrassment or the discomfort of the boner. Your eyes drop from his profile because his morning face has always been one of your weaknesses, except unfortunately for you, your eyes land on his bulge.

Another pulse down there.

You hate yourself. You feel dirty for even thinking about him like that because it’s so wrong. But then again, he’s probably thinking about you like that as well, hence the raging erection.

When the bathroom door shuts behind him, you let out a sigh. You don’t know how long you can keep hold of your sanity for like this. You’re swimming in a sea of confusing emotions: the constant melancholy you have of missing him and missing the way things were before you had fucked it up; the desperation to move on and understand that he was only a chapter of your life that is now closed; the bitter resentment that you have for yourself as a consequence of not being able to do so; and now the inescapable desire aching between your thighs because of how inherent these memories are of how he would fuck you until you cry like nobody else could.

What doesn’t help is the hint of a slow pumping rhythm from the toilet, and Taehyung’s ragged breathing.

Fuck.

You don’t want to think about how he’s jerking off on the other side of the wall right now, gripping his cock as he leans against the sink, head thrown back. But that’s exactly what you’re thinking about.

Is he thinking of you as he’s doing it? You’re not sure if you want him to, because while you wish he wouldn’t, you also hope that this lust you feel is reciprocated still, that you’re not the only one going crazy with arousal.

Your hand almost trails down to your core when his pace quickens, but his sharp inhale strikes at your inner righteousness. You stop, sit up and rush out to the patio for some fresh air.

Happy Valentine’s Sunday indeed.

.

The dough feels sticky in your hand despite the layers of flour you’ve doused your fingertips in. Baking has never been your forte, you simply don’t have the patience or precision for such a crafty hobby. You glance over to check on Taehyung’s progress at the other half of the counter.

He has the easy job. Of course, when it came to allocating roles between the pair of you in this baking session, the jam-making landed on him because there’s no way he would succeed in making the strawberry tart.

You can’t help but smile at the way his lips are puckered and brows drawn in concentration as he chops the berries as finely as he could. But the way the top half of his hair is pulled back into a little sprout of a ponytail… You gulp.

Neither of you have spoken a word of this morning’s awkward event; it had been a tacit agreement not to as soon as you made eye contact when he stepped out of the bathroom. It has set a lewd tone for the rest of your day. At every blank moment where your mind isn’t preoccupied, especially when you’re doing something as frivolous and kneading dough, your thoughts would wander to the memories of his warm rigid-

You stop yourself. You’re in public and he’s chopping strawberries right next to you.

You’ve noticed how, every time you’d have those sinful thoughts, your mood would lighten a little. The pang in your heart that used to always plague you would profoundly diminish. Of all things, of course sex is what eases your sadness the most, that’s just so characterisitic of you isn’t it?

“Is everything going well?” One of the baking assistants comes over to your counter for the seventh time now (yes you’re counting). She is a petite, rather pretty, pleasant looking girl. And you have not failed to notice how every time she checks up on you two, her attention is always solely on Taehyung. Here you are struggling with your asscheek of dough yet she only cares to ask how Taehyung, the strawberry chopper, fares?

“Yup.” Taehyung spares her a brief glance before dumping the diced pieces of fruit into the saucepan.

“Would you like some more flour?” You almost scoff out loud. You’re the one working with flour over here! Why is she asking him?

“No, thanks.” He doesn’t look up this time.

The assistant smiles to herself as if he’d said something particularly sweet to her. Until her eyes land on you. “Uh- What about you, ma’am?”

“All.” You land a punch on the buttery dough, death glare and all. “Good.” Another punch. Eyes not once wavering. She has the brains to scramble away.

You don’t have the right to assert this sort of possessiveness over Taehyung. But it’s the principle. This is a couple’s romantic holiday; she must be under the presumption that you and Taehyung are together, so how does she still dare to ogle over him like that?

“She’s flirting with you.” You rumble when she’s out of earshot.

Taehyung looks up at you from stirring his jam mixture, his lips still slightly pouted from his focus. “What? Who?”

“That baking assistant who came over just now.” You grit, trying to suppress this irrational vexation.

“Oh. Really?” Clueless, he scans across the room. “Was that the blonde or the brunette one?”

It’s a relief how truly oblivious he is that you don’t bother answering his question. It’s also completely unlike him. Since when did Kim Taehyung not notice when a girl takes interest in him? How fascinating must those strawberries be to capture his undivided attention like that?

“Would you like some flour?” You mimic, batting your lashes at him.

A wide grin spreads across his cheeks. To be honest, you don’t know what prompted you to display such friendliness to him all of a sudden. Perhaps what happened this morning, or even the fact that you slept on the same bed last night, breached one of the walls towering between you. It’s progress.

“You’ve got flour on your face.”

Fuck, again? You need to stop handling stuff like dirt and flour because they keep ending up on your face. “Ugh.” You huff, trying to let the embarrassment brush off. “Where?”

From the mischievous smirk that his grin morphed into, you should’ve known. Before you could suspect, Taehyung dabs one of his fingers into a small pile of flour and smears it down your cheek. “There.”

“You-!” You gasp, your own finger already caked in flour flying for a counter attack at his face.

But his reflexes are fast as he catches your wrist in lightning speed and tugs you towards him, his other hand simultaneously slathering another streak of white down the bridge of your nose. You tumble into him, foolish grin on your face as you twist your wrist out of his grip and manage to smear your floury thumb onto his chin.

Taehyung catches you before you could trip over your feet, smiling so wide for the first time this weekend that you can’t help but giggle. His grip on your waist feels warm. You’re close enough that you have to crane your neck to see him, close enough to see the individual hairs of his brows.

Yes, something has definitely shifted since last night.

The desire is a flame, devouring all your other senses until all you can focus on is his touch, his molten chocolate eyes, his tongue swiping out to wet his lips. You just want to…

Kiss him.

You admit it, you want to kiss him so fucking badly.

Ignition in his eyes, he stares at your lips too, smile slowly faltering. The hammering of your spastic heart cancels out all other noise in the room; you don’t see anything else except him. He doesn’t move, and neither do you. That lustful monster in your mind screams, Damn the consequences. Just kiss. Fuck being friends and fuck being strangers. Kiss him.

“Alright, lovebirds over there. These pastries won’t make themselves. Let’s get cracking!” Both of you jump and the sound of the head chef calling.

A bucket of ice cold water showers over you, extinguishing that prosperous flame. And reality materialises once again around you.

Not just the physical reality, but the reality of your situation as well - you can’t, you shouldn’t be acting like this around each other. There’s being friends, and then there’s this. The line is fine, it has always been.

It’s difficult to separate the weeds of these conglomerated emotions. You miss each other, want to kiss each other. You want the hurting to end, he wants to be friends. Your break up had been too messy for either of you to have a clear vision of what you need to do to overcome this.

Except maybe there is a cure-all solution to this.

You return to your ball of dough as Taehyung goes back to stirring his boiling jam. Yet your attention is now scattered, because a seed of an idea, most probably a very bad one, has been sown in your head.

.

It is most definitely a reckless idea, one that has the potential of going very south.

You bring it up during dinner, the supposed “romantic candlelit dinner with a string quartet” which neither of you are remotely dressed well enough for. “Taehyung, you know how you talked about closure and all that yesterday?”

Taehyung pauses, forkful of tenderloin steak stopped in midair. “Yeah..?” The hope in his voice is infused with an uncertain hesitation.

“I think we should have sex. One last time. For closure.”

The violin strikes a particularly high pitch in the background. Taehyung doesn’t move a hair for at least a good ten seconds before he blinks at you. This was definitely not what he’d anticipated from you, you can tell. But well, of course it isn’t. The idea surprised yourself.

“What? I think I heard something else, say that again?”

Oh boy. “No, you heard it right. I said I think we should sleep together for closure.” You sound unsteady to your own ears. “Release all this pent up sexual frustration we have for each other one last time and then be done with this. You said you want to be friends, right? I actually think it’s going to work for me, I’ll be able to move on afterwards, I’m almost certain.”

Frowning, Taehyung puts his fork down. “Really…? You want to have sex?”

“Yes.” You’re not even going to be shy about it at this point. You weren’t sure how this scene was going to play out but you’d envisioned it to go much smoother than this. “Do you want to?”

“I mean…” Colour of wine stains his cheeks. “Yeah… But are you sure? You were just saying last night how you can’t look at me without hurting. Do you understand why this is confusing for me?”

“I know it sounds contradictory and counterproductive, but-” You halt when you realise that there is no but. You don’t know how to verbalise the explanation that convinced you in your head. “Look at it as break up sex. It’s a common thing because it works. Like you said, we ended so quickly, in a blink of an eye. Just see this as the closing chapter of our relationship. If you don’t want to do it, just say it. I just had to throw it out there.”

Worry drips down your throat when his blank expression remains unchanged - worry that you’ve made a fatally wrong move to make things irreparably awkward now, if he so wishes not to follow through with your suggestion.

But then he nods, ponderously and maybe not entirely convinced, but you’ll take it. “I think you have a point… The thing about closure and ending this better than we did the first time round.”

“So… You’re down.”

“Down.”

So, the rest of dinner flies by with the two of you wolfing down your meal as hastily as you can. The entire time, your mind is buzzing with a strange sort of excitement for you are confident that this is necessary in accelerating your process of recovery.

You and Taehyung started with sex, so naturally, you should end with sex.

If you are eating cookies from a jar and that jar is suddenly taken away from you, you would be overcome with a surge of anger and unjust. You will always remember that awful person who took it from you. But if you are told that the jar will be taken away and the cookie in your hand is the last one you can ever have, you will cherish this last cookie and take your time eating it. It would taste different from all the other cookies you’ve had in the past - better, sweeter, because you know that it’s the last one.

Taehyung is quiet, indecipherable as you stroll back to the room. You understand his doubt, you really do. Because a night ago, if he’d have offered you the same suggestion, you would’ve thought he’s insane. But after the incident this morning, and the sparse flirtation throughout the day, there is a clear indication of unresolved sexual tension on both ends.

End this once and for all with a bang.

“Are you really up for it, Taehyung?” You check one last time, swiping the keycard at the door. “If you’re not comfortable, then we shouldn’t.”

When you look back as you push open the door, you catch his eyes, filled with purpose and trust. “No, you’re right. We need the closure.”

As the door closes behind you after you enter, it feels final - your fate is sealed, this is happening. You both stop in the middle of the room, facing each other. Shoulders tense and fists clenched. The bed has been made from this morning, a strawberry gift basket sitting on the coffee table in the corner of your eye.

Your breath feels shaky.

“So…”

“So…”

His throat is trembling too.

You break into a smile at how pathetic you’ve both become around each other, and once you do, Taehyung observably loosens up. “What are we being so nervous for?”

He smiles too, and takes a step towards you. “I don’t know.”

Bittersweet. It’s the best way to describe how you feel right now. Because this is it.

“Do you want to get in the hot tub? It feels like a waste if we don’t use it before we go. It’s our last night here.” The buzzing beneath your skin grows as you ask, and a spark lights up in his eyes at your idea.

“Say no more.” He presses a kiss on your forehead. It’s utterly out of the blue and fleeting, but enough to make your heart leap, both from the bewilderment and the knowledge that this will be one of your last acts of affection.

Taehyung walks past you towards the glass door, peeling off his shirt in the meantime to reveal the new tone of muscle on his back that he’s acquired in the past month. “I’m going to get some alcohol.” You maunder.

Your fingers are shaking as you rummage through the wine cooled for the drink you best see suitable. A strawberry champagne catches your eye. How fitting.

You can’t explain how jittery you feel as you completely strip off your clothes. This is the last time with Taehyung. The profound significance, the pressure, the emotions, tide after tide hitting you.

Two glasses of champagne in your hand, you inhale sharply, and let it all out.

This is it. This is the conclusive ending you asked for.

Warm water bubbling up to his chest, you find him seated in the hot tub awaiting you. The boxers discarded by the side implies that it was a last minute decision of his to go completely naked. And when he notices your nude form strutting out to the patio to join him, he sucks in. The way his eyes rake down your body then back up to your face sends flutters to you core, but also a nostalgic pang.

Eye contact does not break for a second as you climb into the hot tub and sit yourself adjacent to him. The chilly evening breeze with the heated effervescing water provides the perfect ambient temperature. Taehyung accepts the champagne you hand him, finger brushing over yours in a way that could only be intentional. He’s savouring every touch.

“To Mykonos, to the heatwave, to us and our last time.” You toast. The lump in your throat almost doesn’t permit the words to be said.

“To Mykonos, to the heatwave, to us and our last time.” He repeats after you. Clink. And down the drink goes.

A sigh, from both of you. The champagne is bittersweet, too. And you feel that surge behind your nose again, the sting behind your eyes.

“Isn’t it funny how the universe plays out?” Taehyung says, gaze falling to your lips, then your neck, then collar. He slides closer to you. “The first time we kissed was in water, the Mediterranean Sea. And now, the last time will be in water too.”

You don’t say anything for you need a moment to collect the tears. Then you place your glass on the edge of the tub and waddle through the water until you are perched on his lap. He receives you like you’re made of glass, gentle hands coming around your bare back to pull you down onto him. You brush away his dark untamed curls from his face, appreciating the thickness of his hair between your fingers because you don’t think you’ll get to touch it again. His hands trail low to the small of your back; you feel yourself brush up against his member, already hard and poised.

You want to tell him that you love him, that you will always always love him. But you know you would break if you say it.

So you just lean down to kiss him.

People like to describe their kisses like electricity, fire, a bolt of lightning striking down their spine. But for you, it really isn’t like that at all. When your lips meet, it feels like your first sip of cocoa on the first day of winter warm but not hot enough to burn, feels as though you’re interlocking fingers in a crowd of busy bodies and his thumb brushes over yours to tell you it’s okay, I’m right here and I won’t let go.

And you both pull away at the same time, a string of saliva between your mouths.

Because you both feel it, and it’s too much.

But this is the last time, you remind yourselves. Last time.

So your lips fall back onto him, fuelled by a passion you’ve never felt before. His mouth is velvet, fitting over yours so perfectly that it hurts. His hand finds your face, wet from being submerged, and he holds you more tenderly than he would an infant. Your chest is imploding from every ragged breath you take between hot kisses and you just let it.

Arousal pulling at your strings, your hand snakes down his front, dips into the water and wraps around his cock. “Ah…” Taehyung groans into your mouth. Your touch swipes across his tip. “Fuck, baby.”

Baby.

That is your undoing.

His teeth find your breasts, taking your nipple and teasing it until you’re whimpering in need. The roughness of his tongue tingles your sensitive bud so much that your eyes roll back and your vision is black and dotted with stars. The water providing you with a newfound ease, you pump him relentlessly, sitting up so you can slide his tip over your clit and along your folds. Because neither of you can wait, you’re cutting to the chase. Anything else can wait until subsequent rounds.

Every time his head brushes past your clit, a convulsion shoots up you. Your thighs quiver around him as he digs his fingers into the flesh of your ass. And when you inch by inch sink down onto his cock, the euphoric stretch in your walls numbs all other sensation.

You have missed this so much. It’s been so long.

“Fuck, you’re tight.” Taehyung’s voice is shaky, breath hitched.

“It’s ‘coz I haven’t…”

You don’t have to finish the sentence for him to understand and reply, “Me neither.”

The boost of reassurance and confidence that it grants you makes you roll your hips over his. From the absence of sex the past month, your cunt has grown unaccustomed to his size. Your entire core aches, but in the best way you could ask for. The water sloshes as you gain a steady rhythm. You have to bite down onto his ear to stop the volume at which you want to cry out because you remember that you are outdoors.

Taehyung’s face burrows into your neck, panting hard, but thrusting harder. You think back to every single one of your times together, from beginning to now. Your arms encircle tighter around him as you kiss the shell of his ear.

The initial pain in your walls is beginning to trickle away, leaving in its wake the claws of pleasure running up and down your body. Taehyung’s cock performs wonders on you that no one else can - it’s just a fact that you have to accept now. Nothing will compare.

Yet you can come to terms with it. You can gladly accept that Taehyung will be the best thing you’ll ever have.

But then you feel the dampness. At first, you mistaken it as droplets of water splattering onto you so you ignore it. And amidst you bouncing onto him, you don’t notice how Taehyung’s shoulders are shuddering.

You stop.

And feel the streaks of his tears running down your neck from where his face is pressed onto.

You can’t describe the shattering in your heart when you look down to find him crying into you. You can’t speak, can’t move, can’t even cry back at him.

It leaves you in wreckages, how he’s holding you close to him still, clinging on despite your how you’ve stopped, muffled sobs cracking out of this throat.

It takes a while for you to regain your voice, but his tears are still ceaseless. “Taehyung…”

When he looks up, you’re struck with another ammunition of distraught. The redness of his eyes, the sad distortion of his beautiful features, the endless endless tears...

“Y/N, I can’t. I really can’t.” His voice is hoarse, as if he’s been screaming silently.

“I-I’m sorry, you should’ve said. I’m so sorry I didn’t realise.” You’re stupefied from the horrendous sight of a completely broken Taehyung underneath you. You immediately climb off him.

“I-” He sniffs. “I love you so fucking much. I love you more than I love myself and I can only ever love you more each day.” You feel it again, the surge in your nose, the sting behind your eyes. You’re choked up, speechless, resenting yourself for putting him through this. You want to bury your head in the water and cry until you pass out. 

“Y/N, I didn’t ever want to lose you because I know I would lose myself. But then I lost you. And I lost myself.” His sobs strangle you by the throat.

“Taehyung, I’m sorry. About everything I’ve done. It’s all my fault and I will always hate myself for hurting you so much.” A single tear rolls down your face, you can’t hold it in anymore. Then a second, third. At the unstoppable oceans pouring from his eyes, you feel destroyed.

“I don’t even care about that! I’m not hurt by Junho or Jimin, I don’t care. Having to wake up every day knowing that you’re not beside me has been the most painful thing I’ve had to deal with. You are my home, Y/N. I don’t want to live in a life that you’re not a part of. I just can’t live without you and I can’t stand it. I can’t- I can’t...”

“Then don’t.”

Confusion draws his browns into a frown. “What?” His face is still warped in pain. You can’t stand it anymore either.

“Then don’t live without me.”

Your teeth dig into your lip to stop your own bawling.

All this conflict back and forth has taken such a toll on you and what for? At the end of the day, one unwavering fact stands true and untested: you love each other no matte what. So why should you let mistakes of the past keep you apart?

“What?” He says again, though understanding starts to seep through.

“I love you, Taehyung. I can’t not love you. I’m not myself if I don’t. So let’s stop this bullshit. I can’t live without you and you can’t live without me. So then let’s not leave each other again.”

You stare at each other, on this cool February night, warm water gurgling up to your collars, the cloudless night sky flaunting it’s collection of stars. And you promise to stay by each other for as long as you live.

“Okay.” That’s all Taehyung can muster.

“I’m yours, Taehyung. My heart is completely yours forever.” His violent flow of tears subside into gentle trickles.

“Okay.” He stands up in the tub, and you mirror his action. Water weeps off your skin, inviting the cold to infiltrate.

Nothing more needs to be said. Your mouths find each other the way they always do, the crashing of your lips, scraping of your teeth. A new tear rolls off Taehyung’s face and onto your fused lips, but it’s different this time. They’re tears of insuppressable joy, knowing that the taste of your tongue is entirely his, the porcelain of your skin is entirely his. You’re shivering from the temperature of the night, but you don’t feel the cold.

His hands come behind your thighs and lift you up to his face level, wrapping your legs around your torso the way he did in Mykonos. With careful steps, he carries you back into the room, past the bed, that poor couch that was collateral damage to your mutual pining, and sets you down onto the bathroom countertop.

When he finally breaks away from the kiss and takes in your beauty under the bright light of the room, there is no less than absolute adoration in his eyes. Never anything less. “I love you and I’m yours.”

Taehyung wraps the only massive white towel he can find around your wet naked body, disregarding the cold attacking his own. You frown at him, hooking him between your legs so you can fling the towel over his shoulders as well.

“I love you and I’m yours.” You say back, blotting his body dry. It’s such a simple statement, yet the meaning it holds for the two of you is so heavy. They’re the very words that you have never found the strength to say to each other, until now.

“Say that again.” You melt under his smile, not a single trace of worry to be found in your brain.

“I love you. And I’m yours.”

You twist your neck back to follow his glare at reflection in the mirror of your huddled bodies under the towel. Cheeks pushed up from glee, heads leaning against each other, and just like that - all your heartache vanishes without a trace.

“Mine?” Taehyung pecks your brow, still smiling.

“Yours.” Legs clamping around him tighter, you turn to face him. “And how are you this hard again already?” His cock’s ability to stay erect is astounding, truly.

“Don’t you know? You could breathe and my cock would be hard.” Laughter erupts both your chests and it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard.

Allowing the towel to drop around you, your hand slips between your bodies to clutch onto his length. Responsiveness ripples through his toned abdomen. “I want to suck…” You nuzzle your nose to his, your breaths amalgamating.

Taehyung sighs into your mouth. “But I want to-” Your grip tightens around him as you drag out a pump, eyes wide with feign innocence. “Okay, what the fuck, that’s not fair.”

“You’ll get to do whatever you want to me after.” You trail your mouth along his jaw.

“F-Fine.”

He lets you slide off the marble counter with the skin of his neck pinched between your teeth. When he realises that you’re marking him in clouds of purple, his head falls back and gives himself up as your canvas. You understand the appeal of hickeys now. For you two, it’s an agreement, a promise, an exchange of trust. You continue down his front, teeth grazing his nipples, lower and lower, kissing along the protrusion of his pelvic bone. Until you arrive at his cock.

“Do you remember the whole ice cube thing during the heatwave?” You run your finger up his length, over his oozing slit. The heatwave feels like an eon ago, but also like just yesterday.

Stiffening, Taehyung looks down. “Yes…”

“How about I pay you back for that one?” You take his shut eyes and sparse nod as compliance because you know he’s not capable of words right now.

You dash away to collect a glass of ice from the drink cooler, but on your way find something even better. Something you’ve always wanted to try.

Taehyung is slowly touching himself when you return, mildly surprised by the second item you brought back with you. “Whipped cream? Isn’t that from the gift basket?”

“You up for it?” A smirk stretches.

“Very up and very hard.” He lets go of his member and watches you drop to your knees.

To moisten him first, you slowly lap circles around his head, applying considerable pressure and letting the tip of your tongue tease at his sensitive opening. You look up when he moans, and takes his girth into your mouth, sliding his cock further and further down your throat until he pokes the back. Then you pull up with a pop, echoing within the walls of the bathroom.

You take two ice cubes from the glass, one placed between your lips, and the other to massage over your clit. The icy sensation strikes a numbing sensation into your core when it touches your bud of nerves. The cube in your mouth, you begin to trace slowly from the base of his shaft all the way up.

A string of profanities leaves Taehyung at the temperature, and seeds a satisfaction between your legs.

The ice is melting quickly from the heat of your mouth so you waste no time to guide it down to his scrotum resting on your palm. “Fuck.” He whines, his whole length twitching.

When this cube dissolves into nothing but a puddle of your tongue, you take another, ruthlessly educing those curses from him. His tip is the most sensitive part of him, so that’s where you focus on, smearing the edges of the cube around the curve of his head. His thighs tense in euphoric spasms.

The whipped cream comes next. With a few shakes of the canister, you hold his cock pointed towards yourself and view the spiral of white untainted cream unfold onto his head.

“Ah!” Taehyung yelps.

“You good?” You glance up to check that he still has a rein on his sanity.

“It just scared me.” You chuckle and place a kiss on his shaft.

“You should be scared.”

Eyes lock on his, you watch him watch you vulgarly smear the cream all over his cock with your lips. Its sweetness oozes into your mouth and sinks into your tongue. “Mmm.” You hum at the pleasant taste. Then you start to suck, the cream providing you with a lubrication that your spit has never been able to replicate. His cock glides into your mouth with such little resistance that you gag around him.

“Oh fuck, that feels so good.” He can’t look away from you, your hollowed out cheeks and large eyes as you bob your head deeper and deeper. Ribald wet sloppy noises squeaking from your mouth. “Uh fuck.”

Taehyung’s fingers entangle in your hair, guiding your motion in and out. The cream swirls in your mouth, the taste prompting you to suck harder until your mouth adheres like a second skin to his cock. He’s soon panting, even as you come up for air and to spray more cream on him.

“Yeah, keep going. Can I come in your mouth?” His eyes are almost screwed shut, but still open to keep watching. The rise and fall of his chest, and the bulging vein down the side of his cock - he’s close.

You keep sucking, relishing in the taste of the cream, the ease at which his tip glides along your throat, your own fluid dripping from your cunt.

“Fuc- Ah!” Gripping your hair tight, he thrusts hard into you as he cums, ribbons of his own cream mixing in your mouth. Taehyung’s dick pulses violently at the shaft. You watch his jaw fall open, brows pinch together, as the liquid dribbles down your throat.

You pull his length out of you with a great gasp and swallow all the remnants. “Shit. How was that?” Out of breath, you wipe the mess around your mouth with the dropped towel.

“Give me a second to recover from that, baby.” Arms on the countertop to support him, Taehyung lets his head droop back so far that his hair touches his elbows. You wet the towel at the sink and clean his slowly limping member. “Fuck that was…”

When his eyes open again, there is a fury that you know to be afraid of. He hauls you up onto your two feet and latch onto your lips, not caring about the filthy things they’ve just done to him.

“I need to be inside you.” He grumbles. “Give me five, ten minutes and I'll be ready again.”

“Hmm.” Arms sliding around his neck, you let him walk you onto the bed, hovering over you while his hands fondle your breasts that have become lonely. The insides of your thighs are slick with your arousal - that doesn’t go unnoticed.

Scissoring your folds open with his long digits, this thumb finds your clit, bulging and throbbing with desire. The vibrations coursing into you as he starts to rub compels you to arch back. You are really just a plaything when under his touch, as malleable as dough.

“Taehyung!” And for some reason, you calling out his name flips an animalistic switch in him.

With your neck fully exposed, he ceases the opportunity to nibble all over your unmarred skin, leaving angry blotches in return of your marks on him. This thumb is working quickly, the pressure at your clit superimposing second by second.

“Wait.” He lifts his head up abruptly, though fingers still going. “Do you want to sit on my face?”

Your heart jolts in excitement at the mere mention of it. “Didn’t even have to ask.” It has always been something you’ve wanted to try but never gotten around to.

Swapping positions, Taehyung reclines onto his back while you situate your knees on either side of his face. His hands grip onto your waist, guiding your descent onto his thrill-teeming face.

An incredible shock of pleasure fires up your spine when he takes your clit between his lips and sucks. This position grants him an unobstructed access to your pussy, no awkward angle, no cramping neck. So the assail he commences is totally, and unfortunately for your lucidity, merciless. His hands grapple onto your freely hanging breasts, rolling your nipples between fingertips.

Crying aloud from the ecstatic twisting sensation, you feel your eyes water. It’s almost too much, the mind warping accumulation of tension in your cunt. “Like that, Taehyung.”

One of his hands leaves your breast only to insert his digits into your dripping slit. Your thighs are aching, close to giving way; you don’t think you can withstand this tremendous stimulation.

His tongue doesn’t stop and neither do his fingers. Breathing through his nose heavily, he continues to coil your core into loops and loops of hypertension

You’re so close, so close.

And you’re there.

The pulsing waves of your orgasm sweep you away. You don’t even hear your own moans, just the roaring of your blood in your ears. Your whole body writhes above Taehyung, but your muscles don’t permit you to move off him while so ransacked by this high.

It last long, nearing half a minute before your senses come back to you.

And finally, you sag and topple over, trusting Taehyung to catch you and roll you onto your back.

“What the fuck.” You pant, low frequency pulsations still resonating down your legs, in awe of how he never fails to tip you over the edge. And the striking difference between the male and female orgasm is that, unlike Taehyung, you immediately want more when you’re done. “Taehyung, please, I need you to fuck me.”

His reply startles you. “No.” You open your eyes and find him regarding you with such reverence that only confuses you more.

“No?”

Cupping your face in his palm as he props himself on his elbow over you, Taehyung leans down and kisses your nose. Then your mouth. “Y/N.” Your temple. “I want to.” Your ear. “Make love to you.”

He paints a constellation of wet kisses all over you.

“How does that sound, baby?”

You immediately pull him back onto your own lips, a desperate craving as you kiss him back hard. “I love you.” You really do. It’s the one thing you’re the most certain about in this world.

“Ahhh.” Readjusting over you yet still keeping the close distance between your faces, he takes his cock in his hand and pumps. “You know you do to me when you say those words?” He kisses you again, so softly that his lips feel like rose petals. As he lines his tips along your entrance, you shut your eyes and prepare for it.

“I love you.” You repeat. And he sinks in.

It feels different, so entirely different from the previous time tonight. There is not an ounce of concern, of doubt, of hesitancy. You feel safe underneath him, secure.

His tender moans unravelling into songs of vulnerability. “I love you, too.” He whispers into your ear, and you understand what he means by how much these three words have an effect because them alone are almost enough to capsize you again.

His thrust, though lacking its usual roughness, does not lack in anything else. Every time he plummets into you, his mouth finds yours. Your hands are interlocked, pinned down onto the pillow. The surprising intimacy of that act overflowing to the brim. And you swear you could see heaven right then and there.

You feel nothing but love and devotion throughout.

He makes love to you over and over again this night, Valentine’s night. And despite your usual preferences, the sensations between your legs, in your chest, in your mind, are unrivaled.

Transcendental.

When it’s all over, when you’re nothing more than sweaty skin, damp hair, and hearts full of love for each other, you spend your time taking in each other’s details. His unblemished complexion. The beauty mark under the lashes of his right eye. The perfect shape of his cupid's bow that doesn’t seem humanly possible. Everything.

“What we had didn’t work, but we’re not going to repeat those mistakes again, I won’t hurt you again, I promise.” You whisper softly as you caress his cheek. “It’s all or nothing. And you have all of me.”

The glaze over his sincere eyes hasn’t left yet, though you don’t suppose your eyes are completely dry either.

You continue, “Seeing you break down like that today was… the hardest thing for me to witness. So much worse that our stupid pointless fights, and the nights where I would cry myself to sleep. And I can’t apologise enough for causing you that much pain.”

Taehyung’s eyes trailing down bashfully, and you almost worry that he’d cry again.. “I… I can’t believe the day finally came where I cried during sex…” You let out a round of laughter at what he chooses to dwell on.

“I love you so much that it makes me sick. I’m honestly disgusted and mortified by myself.” You snicker in his hair.

“Look, what about me? I love you so much that I cried during sex. Not even just a tear either. Full on sobs. I think I’m the bigger loser here.” The fact that he can joke about the situation reassures you that he’s over it. The mood once again lightens.

“All this just because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants during a heatwave.”

He pulls you closer into his rumbling chest, laughing to himself as he toys with your earlobe between his teeth.

You fall asleep in each other’s arms, for the first time as each other’s lovers. And for the rest of the nights that come after.

.

A/N: Alexa, play ‘Fuck it I love you’ by Lana Del Rey.

Thank you everyone for the incredible love and support you’ve unfailingly shown Heatwave. As my first fic, I am of course so very attached to these characters and ending this series is such a bittersweet feeling. It’s been such a lovely journey to write this couple and although I don’t plan on writing anything for them in the next few months, I won’t close off that possibility completely.

Love you!

- Kristy

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27/04/20

© Copyright 2020

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[avenger-hawk]

Why do you like Kakasasu?

I waited to reply to this because I wanted to be sure it wasn’t a troll and it wasn’t a drama starting attempt (like this or this, gems found in the sasuke/KS tag) since it’s a subject I am very interested in.

I replied to Kakashi/Sasuke related asks, shippy or not shippy, here, here and here. More about them here, here and here. Put yourself comfortable cause this is gonna be long. Not putting it under a readmore cause I remember ppl complaining they coulnd’t open it on mobile phones (?). Also, moralists who are lurking: don’t interact, get out of my blog. Youll be blocked on sight.

When I started reading N*ruto I was into Bleach a lot, and the fact that the characters were a little older and looked older made me not get into Nar that much at first, because they looked like kiddies lol. I didn’t care about Nar as a character and his initial rivalry with Sas was cute but not enough to get me interested. Only when Kakashi got closer to Sasuke I started being veery interested in the story and in the characters. What I found intriguing was that Kakashi was older and an authority figure, but also someone to look up and who helped his students, BUT at the same time he wasn’t exactly a father-like figure or a big brother-like figure, because he had his dark side, that back then wasn’t well flashed out but that nevertheless showed a closed-off person who kept everything inside, not letting others get too close to him.

(then I started liking N*rusasu mostly because there were so many cool doujinshi especially Emi10/Rankai and Engawaken, while KS doujinshi were so meh, kinda in old yaoi style like Loveless, with tiny Sas who looked even younger hahaha, not my thing)

As those who know my blog and/or my writing know already, I am not interested in healthy, cute, positive dynamics in fiction. I might enjoy them, I might be happy when there are such moments, but I can’t like a whole relationship/dynamic/story only like this because I like to explore complicated ones in fiction.Because fiction is very useful for this, it makes you explore dark, taboo things, without affecting reality (no matter what idiots say), it’s cathartic, it’s a way to do, see, experience things without doing anything.

Back to topic tho, I found their initial dynamic very intriguing. A broken, traumatized yet extremely driven Sasuke, acting as confident and strong as he can, but showing his trauma in various occasions, otherwise being mostly aloof, lost in his own thoughts, and a differently broken Kakashi, acting chill but at the same time always ready to act when needed, yet always kinda distracted, aloof, lost in his owh thoughts (and later we’ll know he took Obito’s mannerisms because he was a stickler to rules). The way Kakashi takes a special interest for Sasuke, clearly the most driven, the best of the team, with whom he holds back much less (when he trains them, like when in the beginning, during the bell test, he fights with Sas and seeing that he almost took it, he overpowers him) while he is different with the others (Nar will have Jiraiya later). The way he protects Sasuke during the chuunin exams, while he’s in the hospital and Kabuto is trying to kill him.

Mostly, the controversial moments...like I said I live for these kind of things. where he both protects and threatens him...like when he does that seal to Sasuke, for his curse mark, and he tells him that if that curse mark takes over he’ll kill him. Or when he ties Sasuke up so he won’t join Orochimaru.

Before someone says bs like *you’re not Sas fan if you like that scene* (I know there are many like this and I want all of them out of my blog btw) uh, it’s not how it works guys. You can support a character and still be intrigued by scenes where said character is tied up/in a forcibly submitted position and so on. Guess what, some of those scenes are made for fanservice even (and Sas has many of these, so if you don’t see the appeal/refuse to admit that there is appeal, it’s you who have a problem). So even tho I disagree with Kakashi not wanting to listen to Sasuke’s reasons for revenge (and later supporting SHikamaru’s, I replied to this in one of the asks I linked) I do find that scene interesting...I mean Sasuke tied up in a very suggestive way and yet defying him and threatening to kill his loved ones and Kakashi opening up in a very weird way vaguely replying that he lost those ppl already? It shows a lot about them, their personalities, everything.

I am sticking to part 1 because there are more meaningful interactions between them, I wished there were more in part 2 but kishi shifted Kakashi’s ‘interest’ to Nar, making him one of Nar’s followers...even so, the intractions they had were very interesting. Their fight after Sasuke fights Danzo is one of my fave moments in the whole story tbh, much more than the later confrontation with Nar. Kakashi for the first time has an inner only, yet strong, emotional reaction, having to fight and supposedly kill his former student who became a rogue with a death sentence on his head...he realizes this is how Hiruzen felt against Orochimaru. It’s a strong realization from someone like him who was always so closed off and aloof that he totally lacked empathy.

On the other hand Sasuke is in a different mindset. He’s sort of high for having succeeded in eliminating the one who made Itachi suffer so much, he’s thinking about killing the elders and destroy the village, so he’s basically lost in the recent past of Danzo’s death and in the future plans he’s making, he’s not in the present moment almost...but he has to fight anyway, and it’s a cool fight, also because he’s weakened already and Kakashi is strong...and then he gets blind, totally, and it’s an amazingly intriguing moment, the kind of controversial stuff I’m interested in, because that’s when he could be totally overpowered by Kakashi, if the story didn’t have other priorities (putting Nar in the center of attention with their confrontation).

Their later moments, like during the war, are meh cause the interest shifted already completely, but their moments in jail (anime only ofc) and their Shinden interactions (only through messages) are interesting to me. Very much so, because they show power dynamics very well, with Kakashi as THE authority and Sasuke as the one submitted. In jail it’s even more evident with him looking down at the younger tied up and blindfolded...like, wow. It’s like fanfiction material (in fact I wrote one (ff.net/a03) and there was the coolest fanart inspired by it! here..there were more but this came on my dash today so).

You mentioned power dynamics...their dynamics are all power dynamics because Kakashi was never at Sasuke’s same level and he never acted like he was, and when Sasuke was stronger, during the war, they basically didn’t interact, and when the war was over and Sasuke was brainwashed and tamed into submission the power dynamic remained the same.

The difference imo between them and other power dynamics based pairings is that they are closer than what could be defined rare pairings such as Obito (they had a very interesting one tho, if only it was developed), Madara (the story was already developed in a pro Konoha-anti Uchiha way but it would have been so cool to have the 2 Uchiha interact more), or other older and stronger characters, so the dynamic could be written in a cool way in a fanfiction but in canon Kakashi created it already. So, while I can imagine something like Shisui/Sasuke, Obisasu or more, in my head, and I can come up with some AU or canon divergent/canon behind the screen (like when Sas stayed with Obito after the transplant), Kakashi and Sasuke had canon interactions that showed power dynamics already.

(Then there is Itasasu, which is a huge power dynamic based relationship, that also had amazingly strong feelings though, and those who know me know that for me Itachi will always be Sasuke’s most loved person, and that he was the same for Itachi. So ofc imo IS is a much stronger bond compared to KS but still. Also I remember in the beginning how many fics I read where Itachi was abusive to Sas and Kakashi stepped in lol. And it’s not a mystery that even though I think the IS bond is the strongest I find other pairings and character dynamics very interesting, so much that I like to explore them even more than IS, which, imo, is almost a given fact so I don’t always feel the need to explore it)

Another thing I find intriguing is that Kakashi always saw Sas at his ‘worst’...in Konoha’s terms I mean. When he wanted revenge in pt 1, after he killed Danzo and he was weak and so desperate and hysterical that they thought he got crazy, when he was jailed. It’s a big power he has, to be able to see someone like this.

Tbh it’s a pity that there were no post war moments (B*ruto shit doesn’t count) where they interact ‘normally’ cause I would have liked to see them, both as normal interactions where they get closer again, now that Sas is older, where they train and they get physical (and Kakashi has a lot of repressed anger, jealousy and possessiveness to let out on the one who betrayed his sensei and went to another...not my opinion but it could be Kakashi’s pov) because I think power dynamic would come up a lot, even from apparently cute moments.

I’ll end this super long essay hoping that you didn’t fall asleep lol, and adding that Kakasasu was the first Nar pairing I shipped, which it speaks a lot about why I get so irritated when someone mentions it negatively.

#kakasasu #unfollow me or block me if this bothers you #even tho I want to be the one blocking you guys who have something to say against this #vivalarevolution #vivalarevolution: bonds

[mashiraostail]

who do u think r the biggest simps??

eigFJKD THIS ASK IS SO FUNNY TO ME THANK U PUT IN ORDER FROM MOST TO LEAST SIMP LIKE I PROB FORGOT PPL BC ITS LIKE LATE LATE BUT I WANTED TO WRITE THIS AHSLSEDS

1.) Hizashi: THIS MAN IS SUCH A SIMP IT’S PRESENT MIC I DON’T CARE EVEN A LITTLE BIT THIS MAN IS SUCH A FUCKING SIMP!!! I can’t explain it honestly i just...i can so picture him being the biggest idiot for his s/o he’s always looking at pics of them and staring at them when they’re around and he’s gonna compliment everything they do period. Like aw the way you sit is so cute, aw I love how you twirl pencils with your fingers when you’re trying to focus, aw your stutter is precious. And god even a tiny CRUMB of kindness from you will put him on cloud nine. Oh you like his jacket?? Okay, he can happily die now. He has pretty eyes? Excuse him he has to go cry in the bathroom. The sappier you get the easier it is to get your way. . He gives so many gifts, little stupid things that make him think of his s/o but also big extravagant gifts tht always leave them totally flustered and embarrassed. Biggest simp. Simp of the year. 

2.) Sekijiro- Sorry but.. Vlad king supremacy?? Idk why he’s such a respectful simp I just get those vibes from him. Like he’ll do anything his s/o asks, need something lifted? Ok he’ll be there in 5 minutes. Oh need help reaching something? Sure thing whatever you need. Had a bad day? Oh no well come sit here with me and we can talk about it or watch your favorite movie if you don’t wanna yet! This man loves love, if he gets hurt on the job, or has a bad day all he’s gonna wanna do is curl up with you and get all the kisses and loves and back rubs. If he’s having a bad day he’s def gonna sit around daydreaming about you. His phone bg is def either a pic of you together or just a pic of you, he has a lot of pics of you and he enjoys them very much. It’s always your way, you have to beg him to just tell you what he wants sometimes, and no ‘whatever you want babe’ isn’t a valid answer!!! sorry not sorry about it!! 

3. Toshinori- GOOODDDDD THIS MAN IS A SIMP. He’s totally stupid in love w his s/o the minute they meet. He’s all blushy and stupid and smiley at them and he’s always paying little tiny thoughtless compliments like ‘oh you have really nice hands’ or ‘you’re always so helpful (: I’m so lucky to get to work with you!’ He’s just happy to be around his s/o and he’ll do whatever they want. Shopping? Sure he’ll tag along. Got a bunch of boring errands to run? He’ll keep you company. Need to do a ton of house work? He can help! He also loves giving small gifts, and any matching thing on the planet will make his heart soar, rings of course, but also bracelets, key chains, mugs anything this man will want it. If you say a song reminded you of him he will listen to it on loop for weeks. He’s totally fantastically infatuated and it’s such obvious puppy love too.

4. Taishiro Toyomitsu- PLEASE again this man is a major simp gentleman. He holds doors he gets you flowers he cooks you dinner he talks about you all the time. Seriously all the time. Tamaki probably knows your whole life story by now all he does is brag about you. Complete a slightly difficult task? Everyone Taishiro interacts with is gonna know it. Even the villains. If he ever does an interview you’re getting brought up. He doesn’t care how much he has to bend over backward to do it, he’s gonna talk about you or he’ll perish. When you’re together it’s kisses and hugs all the time, he barely ever walks by without giving you some form of kiss, and god the amount of times this man says ‘i love you’ in one day, hell one hour, should be illegal. 

5. Kugo Sakamata- he’s not a super simp BUT he is still a simp, and the nicer you are to him the more simpish he becomes. If you have a normal comfortable give and take dynamic that’s good with him, but if you’re ever very affectionate with him he’ll be total putty in your hands. The longer you’re together the worse it gets. He loves gift-giving and there truly is nothing you can’t have. If you want it then it’s your’s Kugo doesn’t care, why would he? If it’ll make you happy then you can have as many as you want. So all in all, may not be a super simp at first but you can def mold him into one. 

6. Keigo Takami- He doesn’t simp at all in the beginning, he’s actually an annoying little turd. But the longer he spends with you the more infatuated he becomes until eventually it feels like going 6 hours without a kiss from you is majorly pushing it. Tokoyami has heard about every accomplishment you’ve ever made from your job to how quickly you did the dishes the night before. He has seen a thousand photos of you and probably knows you really well if he for whatever reason hasn’t met you. Because Keigo is always stopping to visit on patrols, or begging you to come to see him at the agency for lunch or just a quick hello if you’re going to be passing through. When he gets to know you all he wants to do is make you feel good.

7. Aizawa Shouta- people probably wanted him higher on this list but idk he doesn’t scream simp to me. In public he def does NOT simp, he might stare at you a little too long if he isn’t expecting to see you and he’ll always smile back if you smile at him but don’t expect him to plaster pictures of you everywhere and constantly talk about how much he loves you because that isn’t his style. In PRIVATE though?? This man can simp for the right cause. And sir can this man SIMP. What do you want? A bath? Okay I can do that. Your favorite food? Sure that’s easy. Massage? You don’t even have to ask! He likes the effect he has on you, watching you get flustered and melt at his affection is something he starts to really enjoy the longer the pair of you stay together. 

8. Mirai Sasaki- At first he doesn't simp, but once you hit a few milestones he’ll start. He likes making you laugh, and seeing your smile is at the top of his priority list, he has tons of photos of you smiling and if anyone is having a bad day he’ll think of some silly story about you to tell to cheer them up. Like others, his intern, Mirio, has heard all about you and probably knows you really well. He probably made it a point to introduce you after working with Mirio for a while. Mirio probably sees you as a package deal at this point. 

9.Nemuri Kayama- Girl does NOT simp. You simp for her  and you like it that way, periodsm!!! No actually though at first she also doesn’t simp at all, she doesn’t care, she can have pretty much anyone she wants so if you don’t like her then you can pack it up and find someone else. But the longer you stay with her the more she starts to warm up to it, she likes seeing you happy, so going the extra mile even if it is a bit much for her is something she’s going to start doing more and more. She’ll remember all your favorite things and give you random gifts. She’ll take lots of photos of you to keep for herself  and she’ll send you plenty of her own. She starts to also find a lot of comfort in you and will be looking for ways to spend time with you.

10. Enji Todoroki- I aint explaining this. Mans aint no simp. 

#aizawa shouta #hizashi yamada #nemuri kayama #yagi toshinori #taishiro toyomitsu x reader #kugo sakamata #keigo takami x reader #hawks x reader #keigo takami #hawks #aizawa shouta x reader #present mic #present mic x reader #bnha hc #headcanon #bnha requests