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littlemisslipbalm · 3 years

Text

I live in the neighbourhood

When Y/N moved to Hampstead she was unaware of the implications the decision would have on the course of the rest of her life.

Harry is Y/N’s eccentric neighbour who sweeps her up in the whirlwind that is his life

this gif bc its maybe my favorite clip of him EVER holy fuck - this is the harry of my dreams this is the harry of i live in the neighbourhood

HEY YALL it’s been a minute and I missed yall so much and I’m just about to be on break so maybe i’ll be back to posting writing regularly but with school its so hard and I think I’ve been working on this for months so yeah <3 lol PLS PLS PLS leave me feedback and reblogs and that stuff bc otherwise my writing just feels...empty and you have no idea the smile i get when even just the tags say like “god this was everything” it can be anything honestly but it keeps my passion up. Thank you again and hope you enjoy.

Word Count: ~10k | Warnings: swearing probably? no smut (yet), rich and famous harry - mentions of Taylor Swif

She considered herself an average young woman in her mid twenties. She liked screaming Taylor Swift and Megan Thee Stallion songs alone in her car and thrifting on weekends. She hated cable because of commercials and when doordash didn’t deliver all of her order. She had asthma when she worked out or the air quality was bad. She had dumb celebrity crushes that her friends and her still laughed over with every new instagram post. She had hopes and dreams she had yet to achieve and she had past trauma that many would never know about, especially at first glance.

Sure, she was successful. She would admit that. How else would she be able to afford even the modest little house she had found in Hampstead? She had studied international business in college and hopped on a plane to London the first chance she got. After a few years of a more than decent paycheck and an advantageous stimulus check from her kind parents, she was able to move out of her starter flat into the suburbs. The definitive push for the move was two-fold. Her parents wanted her to take her dog and her apartment complex was strict on no pets. Then her promotion at work - which included a pay raise - made it hard to wave off taking full ownership of her childhood ten-pound best friend.

So with life happening as it usually does, Y/N first found herself scouring Zillow, then touring homes in the area, and finally standing outside a three bedroom, two bath, two-story cream house in Hampstead. Her house.

The little moving truck she had rented sat beside her as she stared at her future. The realtor had told her they would be there in ten minutes. For the next ten minutes all Y/N had to do was keep herself from combusting, or worse, sobbing.

She felt overwhelmed already. Renting a flat in London was one way to describe herself as independent. Owning a home in Hampstead seemed like a whole new level of adulthood she wasn’t sure if she was prepared for.

After taking a few deep breaths to ground herself, Y/N walked up to the gate that kept her front yard narrowly separated from the sidewalk. She lifted one hand from beneath the box she clutched tightly to her chest to push past the iron-rod gateway. The garden was cute, a little bland, and she thought to herself that maybe she’d develop some gardening skills now that she had her own front yard. The thought made her smile a little, refraining from laughing aloud while on her lonesome, since she had never taken interest in gardening before. But this house. This house. It was a new beginning. It was a fucking unwritten journal. Blank film. Unknown territory. She could be anyone in this house.

She gently placed the cardboard box on the first step up to the front door. There was no porch, but she couldn’t complain. It was gorgeous and she was lucky to get it at the price she did. The house was cream with dark blue accents and a grey shingled roof. Lots of windows. It was classic and it was hers.

After the realtor came with her keys and made sure everything seemed alright, Y/N’s couple of friends, Amélie and Daniel, arrived with their cars filled with items she had needed picking up from various stores. They helped her move her stuff into the house. Thankfully it was already half furnished, meaning she didn’t have to go out and buy beds or couches or any of those big items that are both expensive and a hassle to deal with.

By the time the evening had rolled around, everything was in the house and it actually seemed semi put together. Y/N looked around, sweat apparent on her face and hands on her hips, proud of what she had accomplished. The nerves from earlier had been drowned by pride.

The next day, she woke up from her first night in the house. It felt like a dream even though she was sure she was awake.

She had to navigate her way to the airport today to pick up her dog from his long flight and then mainly settle into the house. Her house sat on Sherwood Avenue, one of the many streets in Hampstead. It’s neighboring houses were much larger. The ones directly next to and across from her weren’t drastically bigger but what she had yet to learn was that next to the house across from her there were two houses that had been joined together by their slightly eccentric owner. A man who would be the match that ignited the flame that was the rest of her life.

This unknown fact quickly became known after Y/N’s first few weeks in her new neighbourhood. The eccentric - more so absurdly rich - neighbor who conjoined the houses was Harry Styles.

The first time they crossed paths she wasn’t even aware of it. It was the day she moved in. He had been out for his usual morning run and was rounding the corner when she had pulled up in her moving van. Once inside his home, he snoopily watched on as his neighbour began to move in. He hadn’t taken note of much about her, just that she was new and that she had a nice pair of jeans on that day.

The second time, Y/N was convinced she needed to get her eyes checked because there was no way that she had just seen Harry Styles key himself into the house across the way from her. There was no way that she had moved into the same area as him, let alone the same street. It seemed far more plausible that she needed a psych evaluation or a strong glasses prescription.

But the third instance of them crossing paths, she was proven wrong. She was on her way back from the neighbourhood park when she saw a guy jogging towards her. With a yellow beanie and a black Columbia sweatshirt paired with running shorts and shoes, he was hard to ignore running straight towards her. The iconic curls, strong jawline, and soft green eyes were dead giveaways this time. After making brief eye contact as their paths literally crossed, she felt herself make a little face of odd interest. Her head quirked and her eyes narrowed, lips pursed with slight confusion. That was definitely him.

After that, she found herself seeing Harry around the neighbourhood a relatively good amount. She’d see him at the park, at the coffee shop, on their street, and more. They didn’t speak. She really didn’t think he would want to be bothered by his neighbours and she certainly wasn’t willing to test the theory. They sometimes gave a small smile of acknowledgement but nothing really friendly. Just ‘you exist and I know that’.

Fridays are Y/N’s favorite day. It’s the beginning of the weekend, she never has to go into work and it’s simply a nice day. People are happier, they smile brighter and it just seems like the world is a little better than usual.

Friday was especially amazing today because her childhood best friend, Cate, was arriving at London Heathrow in the evening. Y/N had begged Cate to fly out to see the new house in person and Cate had finally found the time to run away to England for a week.

She shut her front door carefully behind her and placed her headphones in her ears. Rori, that little terrier, who had made a similar flight to see Y/N’s place not too long ago, scampered out the door with her and jumped happily at her legs as she fiddled with her phone. Her coat ruffles around her disturbed from the morning air. It’s blanket-like fabric that consisted of a deep blue backdrop with felt giraffes sewn on it, kept her warm while she walked. With her mind racing with weekend plans and ideas for her and Cate to do both in Hampstead and the city, she crossed the street like usual and began to walk with her dog to the coffee shop for her morning tea.

Unlike usual, she fumbled just as she was putting her phone in her pocket and bumped into something large and definitely not sedentary.

“I’m so sorry!” She blushed and moved backwards from the man who had just been shutting his own front gate to head somewhere.

“S’alright. No harm, no foul.” He looks down at her and her dog. Rori seems excited by the stranger and sniffs him eagerly. A single paw prodding at the man’s long leg.

She grimaces, hearing the voice and stepping back allows her to fully recognize who she had just bumped into. Her neighbour. The runner. Harry Styles.

“Sorry.” She mutters again as Rori continues to prod at Harry’s leg.

She tries to coax Rori away, but Harry simply smiles and leans down to the small dog.

“Hi there buddy,” he coos and rubs the top of the fluffy dogs head, in between his pointy ears, “What’s your name?”

“Rori.” She states easily, Harry’s eyes flickering to her smoothly. Rori makes a smile babbling noise that sounds a bit like a tiny roar - hence the name - and Harry chuckles to himself.

“He’s really adorable,” he finally says and straightens up from his admiring of the dog.

The grimace becomes more of a smile on her face and she mumbles a “Thank You”.

As her neighbour - who hasn’t introduced himself (which wasn’t necessary, but still) or bothered to ask for her introduction - seems to be about to say something new when his phone begins to vibrate obnoxiously. He twitches, his large hands immediately going to his pockets for the important device. He checks the message and looks back at her face.

“Sorry, I have to run...um,” he’s not sure what to say. He really does have to go, but he doesn’t even know his neighbour’s name. He’ll have to make sure to get it at some point in the near future. Especially now that he’s acquainted with her dog.

“No worries,” she smiles completely this time, relieved for the whole interaction to be over. She felt like she was going to explode with each passing moment. In the presence of a legendary musician, c’mon, who wouldn’t be freaking out. All she could think about was how Harry Styles now knew her dog’s name. What the fuck!

Upon arriving at the airport, she waited patiently for Cate to walk out of the customs area.

When she did, the two young women began jumping up and down excitedly, Y/N squealing only slightly. They hugged and began chattering intensely, catching up on lost time that generally occurs when you live an ocean apart.

Finally, one comment rings through the constant back and forth and Cate stops.

“Wait, what did you just say,” she questions as they begin walking to catch an uber back to Hampstead.

“I think my house might be haunted?” Y/N’s voice raising because she’s unsure if that’s what Cate was talking about.

“No, no, the thing after that. I think I must’ve misheard you.”

“Harry Styles is my neighbour?” Y/N’s brows raise as she looks over at her best friend, curious to know what she will say.

“Yes! Explain. Now!”

“It’s not really a big deal. It’s a nice neighbourhood, it makes sense that celebrities of his caliber want to live there.”

“That is not explaining. You have to introduce us!”

As they climb into their uber and settle in for the short ride back to Hampstead, Y/N sighs and tells Cate everything she knows.

“We’ve only just spoken today and I’ve been here for a couple weeks. He lives across the street and down one, I guess. I just see him around, it’s not like he knows who I am. He didn’t even get my name today, just Rori’s.” She laughs lightly, still finding it funny that Harry knows her dog’s name.

Cate nods, leaning in slightly to her best friend, hardly able to contain her awestruckness from the story and baffledness at Y/N’s calmness. “So, like, when do I get to meet him?”

“Girl, I don’t fucking know. Never, if you’re going to act wild. I don’t want the neighbourhood to think I’m not chill.”

“Sometimes…” Cate starts and leans away from Y/N jokingly, “I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

They both smile, bumping elbows silently. The song on the radio fading in louder as their words die out.

The next day, Y/N took Cate to the local park. It was expansive and connected to the football fields that local teams would play at. The park section was a luscious green that was maintained with copious amounts of watering by the township.

She and Cate settled on a patch of grass near a slender tree that would offer some shade if the sun’s rays became too harsh. The quilt they sat on was something her grandmother had made her when she was maybe 8 years old, meaning it was torn in places and completely worn in a different shade of pink than it had been initially.

They set up their picnic and played music, enjoying the sunny day. Something rare and fleeting as the fall began to creep up on Hampstead.

They eat and catch up on life for about an hour. Basking in the sunlight, Y/N had laid on her back and was staring up at the clouds passing along the sky. Cate was carefully watching their surroundings, simply taking in her friend’s new home, but possibly for another reason too.

“Hey, isn’t that…” Cate trails off, trying to subtly nod in the direction of an approaching figure.

Y/N sits up, her hands holding her up from behind her. Her hair fails in front of her shoulders slightly and it’s a little disheveled from being mused in the grass. She looks discreetly in the direction of Cate’s nodding and then looks at her friend and rolls her eyes.

“Yes, but don’t say anything, he might not even notice me and I’m certainly not calling out to him.”

‘Illicit Affairs’ by Taylor Swift is playing off her speaker and as she’s about to change it, Cate turns it up slightly. They share a glare with one another before trying to act casual again, even though both of their eyes kept flickering to the man who seemed to be continuing closer and closer to their set up.

It became clear that Harry was approaching them after all and Y/N tried to carry on an unbothered conversation with Cate, which was hard with the constant nudging of Cate’s foot on her shin.

He stops a mere foot away from their blanket, beaming at the two young women lounging on the ground. He makes an attempt at a casual wave, his large hand splaying his fingers quickly, before opening his mouth to speak.

Cate beats him to the punch. “Hello there!”

“Erm, hi!” He says nicely to her and then looks at Y/N.

“No Rori today?” He inquires.

“No,” she smiles, slightly blushing at the fact that he remembered her and her dog. “He’s napping.”

“Ah, I see,” He pauses, “I feel like I need to apologize.” He continues.

“For what?” She questions and Cate watches on anxiously, mesmerized by Harry and dying to see what happens next.

“I ran off before I could even ask for your name or introduce myself. It was terribly rude.”

“Oh,” she can’t stop smiling, “It’s nothing to apologize for, I’m sure you’re busy. Besides I had to get my day started, otherwise I would’ve been late picking her up.” She points to Cate who smiles sheepishly, still internally screaming over the fact that her friend is able to talk so easily to a celebrity.

Harry nods and looks at Cate again, “Just visiting I take it then?”

She nods quickly, words escaping her. Y/N chuckles under her breath and swoops in to save her friend any embarrassment. “Cate’s my best friend and she’s been kind enough to take time out of her extremely busy life to come look at my new house.”

He hums, still standing a respectful distance from their set-up. “Nice to meet you, Cate,” he says very kindly. Then he laughs, but in a way that is like he’s beside himself. The two women both quirk their heads at him. Y/N squints her eyes slightly, trying to understand the guy she is talking to and connecting him with the man that is all over the news all of the time for his musical genius.

“Now I know your dog and best friend’s names but still not yours. At this point, I’m begging you to tell me.”

They all laugh and Y/N feels nervous for the first time since Harry had walked up.

“You first,” she smiles slyly.

His eyes widen slightly in surprise, but then go back to normal. Harry was very smart, she likely knew his name, but one, she was trying to be funny and two, she was also trying to be courteous. He preferred to introduce himself rather than just be told who he is, even if people already knew. It allowed him to maintain some normalcy.

“‘M Harry,” He says with a smile.

“Alright.” She says and then remains quiet.

Harry’s lips quirk up in a faint smile, amused at her expression.

“I thought it was a ‘show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ type of situation or was I mistaken?” He finally asks when she remains silent still.

The two young women laugh and Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, both feeling flustered and completely in control at the same time.

“You weren’t mistaken, I was just thinking.” Then she pauses again and Cate thinks Harry is about to combust and Harry thinks he’s going to as well with all the anticipation that has been built up over his neighbor’s name, even though he was pretty sure he’d heard it in passing at one point or another but had forgotten quickly afterwards.

“It’s Y/N.”

Harry releases a facetious sigh of relief, “Oh thank god! Finally!” His words quickly turn into an infectious laugh that is paired with a shining smile and she feels like she’s swooning right then and there. The control has gone out the window and she’s taken with her neighbor. He’s wonderful in that moment and she forgets about Cate or the park or anything. It’s just Harry and how it seems like he’s smiling just for her.

“Now that I’ve gotten your name,” he smiles pointedly at her after his laughter has faded away. The smile doesn’t leave his face though, his eyes still crinkled, his dimples still showing.

She nods, encouraging him to continue. Cate feels like she’s watching a movie unfold in front of her and she wishes she could record the entire interaction.

“I can finally ask you, Y/N, where did you get that fabulous coat I saw you wearing yesterday?”

She twitches further upright, eyes bringing themselves directly inline with Harry’s gaze. “Oh,” she inhales, “The giraffe one, yeah?”

He nods.

“I got it from a Goodwill years ago. It’s some vintage company that used to only make sleepwear. I looked up the tag one time and it doesn’t exist anymore. Super cool, though. Wish I could buy more.”

“Yeah,” Harry says eagerly, even taking a step towards the women, “It was so intriguing. Maybe, if you didn’t mind of course -” he falters, losing his courage for a moment, “you could bring it over and my stylist could check it out. I would love something similar and I’m sure he could figure it out.”

She shrugs. It wasn’t crazy, especially not for Harry - she assumed. She was certain he often found things he liked but there was only one of them so he would just order his own. She couldn’t help the pride that was swelling inside her though it that moment. Harry Styles liking her jacket so much he asked where it was from and then wanting his stylist to look at it. She’d jump for joy when she was in the safety of her private home later tonight with Cate.

“One condition,” she says and Harry’s brows quirk amusedly at her.

“You are a very tit for tat person,” he muses.

“Fair’s fair,” she shrugs again and then looks around her quickly, “It’s simple so don’t get too worked up over it, buddy.”

He laughs slightly again and tries to figure out what she’s looking for. When she extends a scratched up, sticker-covered point and shoot film camera he smiles.

“Can you take a picture of Cate and I? It’s always just the two of us so we never have anyone to take pictures of us together.”

Harry grins at this and her sincere face. Cate is a little taken aback, because while it’s technically true, it’s not entirely factual. They have plenty of film pictures of them - maybe not recently though. And she wasn’t going to question Y/N right now. It seemed like she knew what she was doing.

Harry takes the camera and begins to look through the viewfinder. The women scoot closer together and Cate wraps her arm around Y/N’s shoulder. She leans in to press her cheek against her best friend. They smile up at the camera and Harry crouches slightly to get a better angle.

“Alright,” he mumbles, “Ready?...Cheese!”

Their smiles stay hung on their face as they listen for the click and when the faint sound befalls their ears, Cate laughs and Y/N pulls away. She reaches forward for the camera, her hand easily brushing Harry’s large one.

Their smiles meet each other and Cate can’t help but notice how they grow as the two of them look at one another.

“Thank you,” Y/N says sweetly and pulls back to retake her seat on the blanket.

Harry straightens up, his grin falling back into that signature smirk. “No problem.”

“So-” He begins but she cuts him off.

“Well, I’m sure I’ll see you around, yeah?”

He clears his throat, feeling thrown off. “Yeah, sure. I guess next time I see you we can talk about when a good time would be for your jacket to come over?”

His voice raises at the end of his question a little more than usual, he’s trying to get her to bite, but she doesn’t seem like someone who is easily thrown off. He is trying to read her and she’s been completely cool the entire time. It’s intriguing. Even more so than the jacket, even though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it, it wasn’t really his focus when he walked across the park to her and Cate.

“Yep! It was nice finally meeting you Harry.”

He feels the cue to walk off and says his farewells. As he walks off, back on course to his intended destination, his head is filled with questions. Most important of them being when he would see her again.

Cate and Y/N watch him walk towards the football fields. They see him meet with a group of men and it seems like they’re there to practice or play a game. Y/N couldn’t be sure.

“He likes you!” Cate finally bursts out.

Y/N rolls her eyes, “Stop trying to make me take the piss. That’s a fucking lie and you know it.”

“It’s not! He likes you and you obviously like him, I mean, but we been knew.”

“Having a crush on the famous Harry Styles when you’re 17 is different than me liking my neighbour Harry.”

“But you like him don’t you? He’s even better than he was when he was 19. Now he’s all grown up and established and more your style anyway.”

“Shut up! He could hear you.”

“He really couldn't, he's yards away, you’re just paranoid.” Cate continues to tease and ridicule her best friend over Harry and Y/N is just about ready to up and leave, but she also can’t help but laugh it off.

“I’m literally gonna kick you out if you keep talking,” Y/N says between laughs and the women feel like they’re back in high school losing their minds over the stupidest joke ever.

“Okay, fine. But all I have to say is I will hold this over you when you end up together.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure, whatever. Just be prepared to wait forever because I can promise you Harry Styles and I are never ending up together.”

Two Weeks Later

Y/N walked to her door after hearing the doorbell ring and opened it to find her neighbour standing with his arm raised ready to knock.

“Hey, Harry,” She greeted easily, but not entirely sure why he was here.

They hadn’t really seen each other since their official meeting in the park. It hadn’t bothered her and it hadn’t really bothered Harry either. It seemed like they both had extremely busy lives that they didn’t plan on throwing out the window because they had said they would meet up at some point. She liked that.

Harry had come over because he finally had a break in his schedule and was hoping to talk about the jacket and anything else really. He was interested in getting to know her and he didn’t care to hide it.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go get a coffee or something?” He asked, leaning himself against her door frame now.

Her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen a little bit, not completely sure she heard him correctly.

“Right now?!” She asked incredulously.

She was wearing an oversized grey sweatshirt and black bike shorts that peaked out from underneath the sweatshirt hem. One of her socks was shoved around her ankle while the other was pulled up flat to touch the base of her calf. She didn’t think she was looking the most presentable at the moment. She had been basking in her day off by simply laying on the couch watching hours of Netflix.

He nods, his smile growing on his face. Her flustered expression only made him happier. She was always so nonchalant with him, he wanted to see her a little more antsy.

“Unless you’re busy,” he adds seriously, not wanting to bother her, just wanting to spend time with her.

“No, no. I’m not...I’m not busy. I just wasn’t expecting any plans where I would be required to go out in public. Let me just...um, come inside and then give me five minutes.”

“Sure,” Harry smiles again as he steps into her home.

Her smile is sheepish and much less genuine then the one Harry holds on his face as he takes in her abode. She tells him to make himself comfortable and then runs to her room to try and possibly fix her state in under five minutes.

She tears around her room, heaving off the frumpy sweatshirt and grabbing a long sleeve striped v-neck top she had hanging out half out of her hamper, a sign known to her that while it was clean enough to wear, if she happened to do laundry she should wash it. Slipping it over her head, she walks to her dresser and leans over to open the bottom drawer and unfolds a pair of dark wash oversized jeans. There’s no holes in them and she throws them on the bed so that she can slip out of her current pants. Next, onto the socks, she swaps out the current ones for a fresh black pair and finds her tortoise print boots to flick on. As she just about runs into her en suite bathroom, she zips the two boots up between steps. A quick comb through her hair, deodorant, two spritz of perfume, her eyelash curler and mascara and she’s running back to where Harry is waiting in her living room.

He blinks surprisedly at her promptness, usually giving people more time then what they say they need. She had indeed gotten ready in five minutes. He thought she looked breathtaking. And she felt like she was at a lack for breath in any case.

“It’s a bit cold out,” he glances to the window.

“Isn’t it always?” She smiles, finally catching her breath.

He chuckles and then nods, a smile appearing on his face as he feels a warmth in his chest at her wit.

“Ready?” He checks in.

She nods, grabbing a coat she kept hung by the door.

“Just the coffee shop down the way?” She inquires as they exit the house and she locks the door behind her.

Harry hums, waiting down a step for her to turn around and walk beside him. It was so strange to her, this felt all too normal with him. Like he was just a friend who had come to pick her up for coffee, her neighbor, nothing more.

“Did you hear the new season of the Crown is coming out soon?” Harry asks as they walk shoulder to shoulder (technically since her shoulder wasn’t in line with his).

“Really?” She looks at him, “I love that show!”

“Me too,” He looks at her and smiles happily.

“That’s amazing,” she breathes mostly to herself, half about the show and half about how Harry watches television and that he watches one of her favorite shows.

There’s silence. The brisk air pricking their cheeks as they walk down their street. Their puffs of breath create a slight mist of white ahead of them and then quickly dissipates.

Her eyes flit up to Harry’s chiseled jaw and face and she watches him as his eyes carefully and meaningfully take in his surroundings. Was it her turn to take a stab at conversation? It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence but she just wasn’t sure what was going on.

“You play football right?” She says finally as they turn onto the next street that would bring them closer to the café they both frequented.

She remembered seeing him there on several occasions. The tips he left were always overly generous, which she assumed you could do when you were exorbitantly rich. He always smiled when he ordered and knew the baristas by name. His order rarely differed and she hated to admit but she knew his two regulars. His actual “regular” was a 12 ounce black coffee, dark roast, no cream and no sugar. The other, his “I’ll actually have”, was a 16 ounce iced green tea, no cream and no sugar.

She couldn’t help that she was observant and that when ‘H’ was called at the bar she looked at what was pushed out, patiently waiting for him to come snatch it up with a smile and nod to the workers before he left. Sometimes he’d even smile at her over the lid of his drink as he exited the establishment. It was warm and inviting and she felt good about the twinkle in his eye that never seemed to waver no matter the day.

Now they were going there together and she’d have to pretend like she’d never noticed what he got as a drink.

He responds to her question with another glance at her and a simple “yes”. His hands shove into his pockets and one side of his pink lips quirk up. He continues, “I’m on a local team with some mates. We’re in a little competition with our league. The final match is coming up this Sunday actually...You should come.”

He says it so casually it almost doesn’t catch her off guard. Harry inviting her to his football game, maybe this was going to be her life now. Going to her neighbours football match. Going to Harry Styles’ football match.

“Sunday…” She sounds out, choosing to look out into the distance instead of at him. “What time?”

“Eight.”

“P.M. right?” She responds quickly, worried since she never wakes up that early and rarely before 10 a.m. on the weekends for that matter.

“Of course,” he chuckles.

They’ve come upon the café and he’s quick to grab the handle to open the door and let her go before him. She can’t stop the blush and smile that spread on her face as she ducks her head into the warm and cozy shop. Men had opened doors for her before and she really thought of herself as a strong woman who didn’t need a man for anything, but something about Harry’s action felt especially, and specifically, chivalrous. Why, she had no idea.

Neither of them stop to look at the menu. They were regulars and they both knew that about each other as well. He gestures for her to go first and she mutters her thanks before turning to the patiently waiting barista. She orders and is about to hand over her card when Harry suavely steps in and says, “Don’t worry about it. I invited you with me, I’ll pay.”

It was both completely unexpected and expected at the same time. Knowing she’d never win this fight, she thanked him again, glanced at the man taking her order and then stepped aside. Harry orders his own drink and then pays for both. Today he leaves double the amount he usually leaves for tip, she assumes since it’s two drinks he was paying for.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?” She says quietly to him once they’re in a corner of the café waiting for their drinks.

He stands slightly slumped against the wall, closer to her height right now. He only shrugs, his good natured smile not once leaving his face since he entered this place.

“I wanted to,” he said simply right as the drinks were ready since it wasn’t particularly busy on this random Friday afternoon.

They glance outside and see that it’s begun to drizzle while they’ve been inside. She sighs, having hoped to walk around a little after being inside all day.

Instead, they sit at the corner table in the café, across from each other. She moves on from the paying thing, knowing it was simply how this guy probably operated most of his life.

He got a black coffee today, the cold and rain likely contributing to that choice.

As one pop song fades out, slightly under the sound of the coffee machines, she’s about to tell Harry she’s pretty sure she can make his final football match when ‘Cardigan’ fades in. It’s the second time a Taylor Swift song has been playing while she’s been in the presence of Harry and they were conversing. She tries to ignore one of her favorite songs at the moment. Harry doesn’t seem to pay much mind to it. His foot is tapping against his other, but it’s been tapping like that since they sat down.

“I think I could probably make it to your game,” she says finally after a pause and a sip of her own drink.

Harry grins at the response and launches into how great it will be if they win and how happy everyone will be. She smiles along and doesn’t notice the slight head swaying to the song that she’s begun.

“Fan of Taylor?” Harry inquires and Y/N’s face drops, eyes widening cartoonishly.

She stutters, a nervous laugh leaving her mouth before she can actually say something. How does she respond about liking Taylor Swift to a man who counts her as an ex. She’s at a loss.

“Yeah, uh,” she finally starts.

Harry watches her curiously, obviously noticing her discomfort as his question.

“I used to not really consider myself a fan. I don’t really follow her just because I don’t really follow...um...musicians,” she chokes out the last word realizing Harry fits that category. “But, after folklore, I don’t know, this album really spoke to me. I also really like Lover and...uh” she pauses again, sticking on 1989, an album she has argued with her friends about how it’s basically a tell all of the man before her and Taylor’s relationship.

He nods, hoping she’ll continue. He wanted to get to know her and he kind of liked seeing her squirm. “1989?” He finally supplies.

Her blush isn’t able to be covered this time. If her hair didn’t fall in front of her ears she was sure they’d be flushed with blood.

Then she draws out of her own self stress and looks at the smooth man before her and grows calm. He was amazing at winding her up and she didn’t want to seem like some young, impressionable fangirl to him. So, she squared her shoulders and straightened up in her chair.

“Yes, it was pop perfection as one of my college friends liked to say. I’d always listen to it at the gym.” Then she pauses, taking a measured breath, gaining her confidence back. Her eyes meet his, “Is there any songs off it that you particularly enjoy, Mr. Styles.”

He chuckles, mostly because of her emphasis on ‘Style’.

“Shake it off?” He asks.

“Oh fuck off!” She laughs and he joins in with her.

When they catch their breaths from laughing, they simultaneously take sips of their drinks and settle their eyes back on one another. Exes and songs written about oneself weren’t exactly the topics Harry had in mind for the coffee outing he had asked Y/N out on, but talks of exes had never been this funny with anyone else. He was grateful for her playfulness, her demeanor.

“Can I ask you something personal?” She asks quietly and seriously.

“I think we’re past that question, love,” he responds.

“Yeah, I guess,” she pauses and just about whispers, “Pretty much all of them are about you right?”

He shrugs again, his felt coat rustling around his seat. “We never really talked about every single song.”

She leans forward at the ‘we’ Harry is using about himself and Taylor Swift.

“But when I listen to the songs, I hear us in just about every one but a few.”

“Wow,” she breathes and sips her drink. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lived through something that intense and then someone commemorated in a masterpiece.”

“Do you have a favorite on that album?” He asks, moving on from her revelation.

“I love ‘I know places’, it has a cool sound. But I also really love ‘Wonderland’. They both have kind of dark sounds, yet it still is like what you have is so special that the bad bits are worth it. I don’t know, it just seems like a tv show. I don’t think my life could ever be that crazy or dramatic.” She doesn’t notice her use of ‘you’ because she had meant it as a form of analyzing the song theoretically as she had done hundreds of times with her friends, but this time the ‘you’ is literally the ‘you’ the song is talking about.

“Love can turn anyone’s life chaotic.” Harry muses.

The green eye’s that flashed at Taylor throughout that album look at Y/N from across the table and she feels a flip in her stomach at his tone.

Maybe he notices her mild discomfort, maybe that’s just who he is. But after a beat, Harry’s onto the next topic on his mind. He launches into how he’s just returned from Scotland for a shoot for something so undercover he can’t even divulge to her, much to his dismay. She’s taken aback since she didn’t consider her someone Harry would divulge any of his private matters to, but it seemed like he already considered her a confidant. Just not for that. He wants it to be a surprise.

She smiles and listens attentively. She wonders as he goes on about his interesting yet absurdly lavish life whether he even knows what regular life is like anymore. Or if he’d even enjoy it if he experienced it.

Sure, coffee and football were plenty part of regular life . But the football league was something novel to Harry. He had just gotten to do it and he was thrilled by its normalcy.

She regarded him carefully, unsure what the next step was in this budding friendship. Was it dangerous to get involved with someone’s life which seemed to be filled with whirlwind rigor and constant change.

She liked her chaos, don’t get her wrong. She felt like she often was the odd one out in life. Always thinking differently than the ones around her. She often was the one to suggest spontaneous late night trips around town or exploration of an abandoned building known for spooky stories. She liked inviting friends over for themed parties for no specific occasions and she liked taking film pictures of friends like they were models even though it was only for her and her memories. She thought of herself as silly and fun, but what Harry described as his chaotic fun actually was regimented tight schedules of constant travel and work. Interesting experiences came out of that constant travel and work, but didn’t seem like something she necessarily wanted to get herself wrapped up in.

After coffee, they leave the café and it’s pouring now. Instead of going home, Harry insists on walking her to her place. She relents, realizing, once again, that Harry wasn’t someone who took ‘no’ for an answer. She then invites him in because it’s the polite thing to do. And Harry being Harry accepts.

“Want a dry sweatshirt while you wait?” She asks as she slips off her wet shoes and jacket in the entryway. Harry follows suit, his knit sweater being pelted with rain for the last eight minutes left him feeling cold and shivery.

He nods as he toes off his shoes and ventures back to the living room she had him wait in a few hours ago.

“Here,” She says as she tosses a grey sweatshirt in his direction. She believes it's her one from earlier, an innocuous pullover with ‘London’ in collegiate lettering on the front. He catches it as she rounds the corner to turn up the heater.

Her mistake was being so careless to not look at the sweatshirt before handing it over to her neighbor. Anyone else, maybe they wouldn’t have questioned it. But Harry, how could he not.

“What’s this?”

“A sweatshirt,” she doesn’t spare him a glance on the coach as she fiddles with the thermostat.

“It’s one of my sweatshirts,” Harry says and she can hear the smile on his face.

“That’s impossible, I’ve never borrowed-” Her brows had raised at what he said but now her words fall short.

He didn’t mean one of his personal sweatshirts that she possibly borrowed if they were better friends. No. He meant his merchandise.

“It was a gift,” she sighs as she turns to face him. He’s now wearing the sweatshirt proudly and grinning up at her smugly.

She rolls her eyes when he gives her a knowing smile.

“I didn’t know that it was the one I was handing you. Honest!”

“I thought you didn’t “keep up” with musicians,” Harry says playfully, his fingers making quotes appropriately.

“I don’t.” Her tone is serious as she plops on the couch beside Harry.

“I enjoy your music from time to time. Is that a crime?!” She finally exclaims when she can’t handle Harry’s knowing smirk.

“No it’s not, you could have just told me you were a fan!” She tries to stop him and protest that she wouldn’t consider herself a fan, but he continues, “I still would have wanted to have been friends.You’re one of the liveliest neighbors I’ve got. Everyone else on the street is rather dull.”

She chuckles, remembering finding out quickly that the street wasn’t a lively bunch.

“I just wouldn’t say I’m a fan,” she presses and sits across from him.

He continues smiling like he knows the truth.

“I don’t think you’ve met an average person in awhile, Harry.” She finally says after they sat in silence for a few minutes because they were both too stubborn to be the first to talk.

“I would hardly call you average if that’s what you’re implying, Y/N.” He nods her way and he shifts on her plush couch, his legs adjusting themselves on their own accord. “And I know plenty of average people,” he adds huffily.

“I normally wouldn’t either, but compared to who you seem to surround yourself, I very much am. And that’s not meant to be a jab at anyone involved.”

His right hand sneaks up to his head to scratch at the base of a particularly perfect curl. His eyes squint a bit as his mind processes her claim.

“What are you trying to say exactly?”

“I’m just curious to see if you’d actually like me in your life. It seems like you want to be friends with me and that’s great, but realistically I don’t know how much I would fit into it.”

Harry scoffs, “That’s literally bullshit, just relax. I’m so chill you won’t even know what to do with me.”

Now it’s her turn to scoff. “Chill?!” She asks incredulously. Harry nods with a seriousness she hadn’t seen before.

“When’s the next time you’re flying off to another country for work?”

Harry pauses, “Um...the day after the final match. I’m beginning to film a movie, so I’ll be there for a month.”

“Busy bee,” she muses and they both chuckle.

There’s something about the somber look Harry is giving her. His eyes twinkled in the coffee shop and with playful winks she was excited to be in his presence. But after she mentions when his next trip is, he seems saddened. There’s skepticism behind his eyes and maybe he doesn’t like being challenged about who he is from other people, especially those who are new in his life.

But that’s who Y/N is, she’s straightforward and doesn’t lie to someone. If Harry was now her friend, she was going to tell it like it is to him. That personality trait she worried wouldn’t make her long for his world.

“So the cardigan? Do you have it here?” Harry changes the subject, clearly not wanting to actually consider a realistic friendship together instead just charging ahead with no hesitation. Whatever happened they would deal with it as it came. Maybe she should just go with the flow, let herself be swept up into his madness. Maybe it would be easier than fighting it.

“No.”

“Oh?”

“I do, I was joking. Where else would it be?” Her tone is light, trying to get back the shine she had seen Harry exhibit before it had vanished.

Maybe that was Harry’s effect on people. He was vibrant and like an Elton John song. You never wanted that shine to go away, never wanted the song to end. Never wanted him to stop shining his light on you. She felt this happening in just a few hours with him. When he was happy so was she and when he wasn’t entirely shining she wanted to do whatever she could to get it back.

A smile curls on his face and his green eyes narrow slightly. He’s trying to figure her out, know what she’s all about.

“Do you want to go and grab it?” His voice sweetening, almost like a tease. Maybe he means to bite his lip, maybe he doesn’t, but the effect on her is nonetheless earthshaking.

She pops up and smiles back, happy to have made him happy. As she walks out of the room to go get the cardigan that had started this all, her head tilts and she furrows her brow wondering why she felt such a sense of pride just for making him happy.

Would this man cause her to finally put someone else’s wishes ahead of hers?

“Are you on your way?”

She listens to Harry’s slightly worried voice crackle over the speaker of her phone as she shuts her door with the hand not holding her phone to her ear. His voice is raspy and muffled. She assumes it’s from the cold air of London at night and the scarf he is likely got wrapped around his neck.

“Yes! Jeez, I’m on my way. Walking over right now.”

It’s the final match for Harry’s football team and if they win the game then they get a trophy and it’s all Harry has been talking about since they got coffee and she handed over her cardigan.

Harry huffed an “alright” on the other side of the line and she called a “see you soon” before hanging up.

He was both eager for Y/N to come and possibly meet some of his teammates and a few of his close friends who he had invited and for her to arrive so that she wasn’t walking out late at night alone. He hadn’t known her for long, but he felt a certain protectiveness over her. She was relatively alone here, only two friends at work that she had mentioned and everyone else lived far away. She said she didn’t mind it, but Harry had a hard time understanding it since he surrounded himself with his friends as much as he could and was constantly either traveling or having them travel to see him.

He had even contemplated inviting her to come to Los Angeles with him for a month, but knew she would remind him of her ever important job that she couldn’t just randomly take a month off.

He’d have to ask her what exactly she did because every time he tried to remember, it always slipped his mind.

When her figure came into sight below the fluorescent lights, he breathed a sigh of relief. A grin spread on his face as she beamed at him and waved a bit. He didn’t understand how she couldn’t see how special she was. Every time he saw her he felt himself straighten up and feel a bubbling in his chest. Her smile was infectious and the way her eyes glittered when she looked away quickly and then returned eye contact made him want to stay in her presence forever.

“You made it!” Harry said and scooped her up in his arms, not realizing just how happy he was to see her, swinging her around in a half circle.

She laughs in surprise, but appreciates the warmth Harry’s hug offers her. She’s not quite sure they had ever touched each other before this moment beside shoulder brushes and hand touches. Nothing so...purposeful.

“I made it,” she confirms and pats him on his broad shoulders.

Questions in her mind raced as she questioned whether it was normal for friendships to happen like this. She knew in college friendships could happen this quickly. And that’s when it dawned on her, she really hadn’t made a new friend since college and that was why everything with Harry was so odd to her. She had forgotten what new friendship was. She needed to stop questioning everything and just live in the moment with a person she really liked being with.

Harry’s hands move from her waist and one stays to lead her forward so he can introduce her to some of his mates, as he had promised.

She felt at home in that moment. His hand on the small of her back, his heat radiating off of him and her hair swept behind her ears and her cheek pressed to his shoulder staring up at him sweetly.

She meets Charlotte, a member of Harry’s band who lives in London, her boyfriend, Mitch (who had just happened to find himself in Hampstead this weekend), Ben, and a few more people she couldn’t remember all the names of.

Harry’s team wins the game and Y/N’s not sure if she’s ever seen someone so happy to win an adult league football match. There wasn’t any official trophy except the one Harry had made himself and said he would even give to the other team if they won. It was engraved with the words “The World’s Greatest Football Team of Stars Ever. October 22, 2020”. It doesn’t even make sense but she’d been holding it for the entire night as he played.

He goes down the line of his friends who have been watching and gives them all jubilant kisses on the lips. When he reaches Y/N she holds out the trophy and he grins and gives her a kiss on the cheek. His lips are surprisingly soft and his scratchy stubble tickles her and she swiftly pulls back, a smile on her face and blush on her cheeks nonetheless.

Charlotte and Mitch share a look between the two of them and Ben’s eyes narrow slightly at the interaction. His eyes narrow just as they had when Harry had strutted over to the group with Y/N before the game. He had happily named everyone and she had shaken all of their hands with a warm smile on her lips. Ben had regarded her warily and she had shaken it off as the chill of the night air. But there it was again, not quite trusting of the neighbour girl Harry had just randomly befriended a few days ago.

The team and the friends of the team decide they deserve to celebrate this win, mostly at the request of Harry.

Y/N tries to find a time to leave, to return to her place so she can prepare for her day at work tomorrow. But no excuses will be heard from Harry and she has a hard time saying no to his sparkling eyes and gorgeous grin that she’s growing far too accustomed to.

She’s ushered down to the closest pub with the rest of them and finds herself chatting with Charlotte’s boyfriend. He’s the most...normal. She’s not sure how to explain it, but he doesn’t seem to be regarding her as different, unlike every other one of Harry’s friends. They were all perfectly nice and cordial with her, but she just felt like she wasn’t a part of their group, their world and she didn’t know how to explain it.

Charlotte and Mitch are rather nice too, but they’re more reserved with her. They’re musicians, like Harry, and they somewhat have that air of awareness around them that Harry sometimes gets. She thinks it’s from the fame, having to constantly be wary of who is around you, what everyone is doing, what is happening next. She doesn’t mind it, it’s just not something she’s used to.

She wishes she could just throw back some drinks and she could allow herself to be more...well just be more. More of a presence, more of herself, but she has a job she has to get to bright and early. Tomorrow was Monday and for her that meant work. So she sips a beer that Harry insisted be on his tab and she makes small talk with Charlotte’s boyfriend about how he’s been helping her produce her first EP. Charlotte occasionally pops in when she hears her name, but mostly is conversing with Mitch over something silly. Y/N knows because they keep laughing.

Harry is going around to just about everyone in the party and she watches as he happily talks with every one of his friends. He’s ecstatic and she wonders if she’s ever experienced happiness like he has.

At midnight she attempts to make a French exit, as her mother always called it, and slip away with little to no farewells, but Harry spots her before she can.

“You’re leaving already?” Harry asks loudly, the euphoria of winning his silly little game and drinking a fair amount of pints has him at his peak boisterity.

“I have work tomorrow,” she says warily, slumping slightly from the weight of Harry’s arm slinging around her shoulder.

He turns serious and straightens up slightly, his green eyes looking especially dark in the pubs dim lighting as they look her dead in the eye. “Let me walk you home.”

“I can get home by myself,” she laughs, shrugging off his hold. “Plus, the host can’t leave his own celebration.” She gestures to everyone else happily celebrating on a Sunday, somehow not bothered by the beginning of the average week.

He steps closer, his brow furrowing for the first time that night. One of his large hands raises to his tousled hair and he runs it through the tresses. He even nibbles at his lower lip as he contemplates his decision. Then quickly and suddenly, he makes up his mind,

“No, I’ll escort you. Can’t have my neighbour walk home this late alone. I’ll just leave my card with Mitch. He’ll settle up the tab.” He smiles at his perfect plan and she grimaces feeling slightly embarrassed that he would leave his friends to walk her home. “Won’t you Mitch?” Harry calls as he grabs his coat from the wall next to the door. Mitch simply nods and Harry yells his farewells, Y/N waves meekly.

“That was...interesting,” she mulls over her words as they walk through the cold night air outside of the pub.

“Amazing, right?” Harry speaks over her less enthusiastic voice.

“You have a lot of friends,” she mused, trying to sound less disheartened than she had in her last statement.

Harry only hums and shivers slightly from the cold. His breath comes clearly out in puffs in the cold night air. Y/N’s is muffled by her scarf wrapped tightly up to her chin. She’s tucked his face as far into it as possible but her nose won’t stop from freezing as they walk.

Her hand goes up to it and she rests her palm to the tip of it. The motion grabs Harry’s attention and he looks directly at her curiously.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m freezing,” she muffles out, “This helps my cold nose not be so..cold.”

He chuckles and wraps his arm around her shoulder and she easily folds into him, welcoming any warmth right now.

After another moment of silence and them enjoying each other’s warmth and slight smell of whatever perfumes they had chosen earlier that night as well as beer and wood of the pub, Harry nuzzles his head above hers and then asks her something.

“Was that overwhelming for you?”

She’s quiet, thankful his eyes can’t reach hers right now. He was too powerful with those things.

“I, um, a little. I just...I just realized today that I haven’t made a new friend since college outside of work and it was overwhelming just hanging out with you. So all of your friends as well, yeah, it was a bit much for me.”

Harry looks out at the empty street ahead of them and sighs in realization. In his excitement, he hadn’t accounted how she might have felt tonight until just now. He wanted to kick himself for not thinking of her feelings, but other’s feelings slipped his mind so easily sometimes.

They round their street corner and she nuzzles back into his side.

“I’m sorry, love.” He rubs at her outer arm, “I didn’t think about it like that. I was just so excited for my plan to come together. Maybe next time, it’ll just be a couple of them rather than so many?”

“Sure,” she says quickly, wanting to make him happy, knowing how much he cared about his friends. “I feel like we need to hang out more with just you before I osmos into your friend group though if I’m being honest.”

“Well that can definitely be arranged,” he says and reluctantly lets go of her body. They’ve arrived at her door.

“I also want to see the inside of your house at some point.” She tugs at one of his hands before it can disappear into his warm coat pocket. “Houses,” she corrects.

“That can also be arranged,” Harry smiles with his lips closed. Pink lips and rosy cheeks extra bright from the cold. He plays with her fingers as the two stand close to one another, happy for the alone time and chalking the proximity up to heat sharing.

“You leave tomorrow right?” She finally asks.

His head falls and he sighs.

“Yeah…”

“It’s just a month,” she smiles, trying to stop Harry from being so dramatic. Especially when there was no logical reason for him to be so upset over not seeing his neighbour - she keeps telling herself.

“Are you sure you can’t quit your job and just fly out with me?” He pleads.

She throws her head back in laughter and shifts closer to him, her front porch light illuminating and shadowing every perfect place on Harry’s gorgeous face.

“Not even a chance.”

“That is a shame,” he takes an experimental step closer and she feels his breath fan across her cheeks at his last word.

She wrinkles his nose at the smell of his last beer, even though coming from him it was endearing.

Just as she feels him being to shift his head closer, she steps forward and gives him a tight hug.

“Goodnight Harry,” she whispers into his ear, “Safe travels.”

Then she’s stepping back and swiftly unlocking her door. She moves it slowly so as to not wake Rori and then Harry’s left alone and dumbfounded on her doorstep.

He definitely preferred being with her alone, but now he didn’t even have that chance until next month. And nonetheless she had just sidestepped his kiss with such ease he’s not even sure if he meant to kiss her. It had felt right, but why? Because it was cold and picture perfect? Or because he was enchanted by her and liked her as more than a new friend?

She slumps in her kitchen and fixes an Emergen-C to stave off the chill of the night and any germs that might have been lurking around the pub. She hopes when she walks to her bedroom she can check the front porch and see that Harry has gone home because she would hate to turn the light off on him.

How could he have expected her to kiss him just then? They’ve only just met each other a few weeks ago? And he’s Harry Styles and she just lives in the neighbourhood. What the actual fuck had happened to her life?

2K notes · View notes

levisgirll · 3 years

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i had this idea in mind and i was wondering if i could request a little story hc for it pls! so basically, levi's s/o is a bit of a klutz and can break things sometimes so when levis out in a meeting and his s/o is cleaning his office, she accidentally breaks one of his tea cups and starts panicking if he sees what she's done. so she frantically tries to fix it in the time that she has but levi catches her and she just breaks down and feels really bad but levi comforts her in the way that he can? sorry if this is too specific but you can add in your own ideas as well! <3

𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐞-𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

→ text: hello there anon! this is such a great idea and I made it loads of fluff so I hope you enjoy it <3 ty for sharing your ideas and making it specific!🥺

synopsis: just as Y/N thought today would be a normal day and wanting to spend the rest of the day with her boyfriend, Levi, she accidently breaks one of his favorite things, which is his teacup! Y/N feels extremely bad about it and tries her best to fix it, although something goes wrong and Levi notices it. How does her boyfriend Levi react? And what does he do and say to her? get ready cause y/n gets to see a side of Levi she never seen before!

real cute fluff, a lil mention of injury (?), aot world, headcanon fanfic ♡ —

“I’ll see you later Y/N, okay? I just have a quick meeting to attend.” Levi said as he ruffled his girlfriends hair, giving her a small smile. “If you need anything-” Just as Levi was about to reassure his girlfriend that he is always willing to help her out, she cut him off by hugging his chest suddenly. “Don’t worry! I will be fine! And I just only want you back as soon as possible, so I will wait for you here!” His girlfriend said with a cheerful tone and gave him the most purest smile.

Levi loved his girlfriend a lot, and he would always be ready and willing to offer his help, time and effort for Y/N, because to him, she meant the world. His girlfriend was a bit clumsy, and that did not matter to Levi a lot but when it comes to Y/N accidentally slipping, or dropping things. He would never get mad at her but instead worried if she ever got herself hurt. He would always be a step ahead, ready to treat her injuries quickly if the thing she broke caused her harm and he would always then check up on his girl and ask her if she was alright.

He would usually take on many tasks and do them just to help his s/o out. Levi then started to find her pure clumsiness lowkey cute sometimes, for instance when she spills the tea while giving it to Levi and half of it would be gone, he would slightly chuckle and then say, “You made this for me?” And she would get so happy and nodding her head with a bright smile, getting happy how Levi said that. He admired and appreciated her effort for him, but what he finds also cute is when they are cleaning together alone at the stable and she would randomly drop her broom and say “Oops!” and when she tries to pick it up, Levi would just give her his broom and then chuckle “Stop being cute already.” and after he said that he lightly flicked her forehead, making his girlfriend a blushing mess right now and being embarrassed.

Waking up to random bruises would usually happen to his girlfriend when they sleep together. Y/N never had no idea where, when and how that happened! And when Levi wakes up and notices that as the sun shines on her skin, and he sees a small bruise on her upper arm, he would say “How did you get that?”. Y/N would turn her head that was laying on Levi’s chest to look at her arm, and then she would say “I wanna know that too!”. Levi would slightly chuckle and then he would caress it gently, to see if it hurts you, and if he sees no reaction coming from you he feels relieved but still puts a bandage on it later on as you change to your uniform <3

Levi would never let you walk after it has rained, on a wet floor, he would turn around and suddenly pick his girlfriend up from her waist, carrying her in his arms (in a bridal style way) and he would say “I’m carrying you. I don't want you slipping.” This man is ready and prepared to take care of his girl, the woman he loves dearly.

When Levi hears Y/N saying ‘ouch’, he quickly comes to you, as if he was summoned, and just randomly check on you then asks “Where are you hurt love?” Levi is ready, and your boyfriend does think of you 24/7 and cherishes you!

Although, one day her klutziness got the best of her today and it left Levi being really concerned and upset.

After Levi has gone to his meeting, Y/N decided to surprise him by cleaning his office as he always seems to smile whenever he sees something clean, and his girlfriend wants to see her boyfriend Levi smile as much as he can!

While she was cleaning his office in her free time, wiping the table surface with a cloth, she picked his teacup up and with her other hand was rubbing the table. But, she accidently slipped the teacup that was from her hand and it fell on the ground, causing it to break, shattering to pieces.

“Oh shit, shit, shit! I really fucked up this time!” Y/N said panicking and started to pace around, wondering what to do next. Her tears started to form in her eyes and she started to regret what she has done. Levi would so be upset and mad at her now.

Y/N then frantically tries her best to pick up the teacup pieces from the ground and was seeing if she would fix it or put them the pieces back together. She wanted to do this quick before Levi would come in and see what she has done.

But, that was too late as soon as Levi opened his office door, “Hey Y/N, I’m ba- What the hell.” Levi was caught off guard as he saw Y/N bent down, and when he came closer to her to see what she was doing, he then realized there were pieces of glass on the floor and that made him worry. “L-Levi, Don’t worry I’ll fix-” As soon as his girlfriend was about to finish what she was saying to him, she winced in pain as she accidentally cut herself with the small glass pieces since she got startled by Levi’s sudden presence. “Ow!” She uttered a yelp as she jolted from the pain and blood was now staring to form on her index finger.

Levi dropped everything he was carrying on the ground and immediately went to his girlfriend to help her. “Love are you okay?! Let me see.” He quickly took her hand, examining the cut on her index finger and went to his desk to get the first aid to patch Y/N up. Levi was calm and still as he was treating her injury, and he stayed silent while helping her out, focusing on putting the bandage on her accurately, and also to make sure she wouldn’t get even more pain while he was doing it.

Although, his girlfriend mistook that has Levi being mad and angry at her and she felt extremely bad, she looked down to her shoes, avoiding his eye contact and started to tear up. “I-I’m sorry Levi....I-I know you are mad right now, I feel really bad what I have done. I know how much you liked that teacup, I’m sorry I brok-”

Levi cut her off and brought his hand under her chin, to pull it up and made her now looking directly to his grey eyes. He had a calm expression but in his eyes he felt worried for her and his love for her was also shown. “I don’t care about that damn cup. What I care about is you idiot. Are you okay? Is it painful?” He questioned her in a concern tone, waiting for her response and she stood there sitting, her eyes would be wide open and surprised how Levi actually did not care a single bit about the teacup and was not even mad at her clumsiness. His love for her was stronger than that, and nothing mattered to him other than his girlfriend.

“No...” Y/N said in a soft tone and looked away, still feeling bad about what she did and Levi did notice that. He brought her closer and what he did really shocked Y/N. He gave her a tight and warm hug, and he was softly stroking her back gently and lovingly. She then realized that this was Levi’s own way of comfort, his way to let her know that it was all right and he only cared about was her.

This made Y/N a blushing mess and she grabbed on to Levi, and hugged him around his shoulders and softly sobbed on his neck. He was really gentle and soft towards her, and she loved him even more.

After that, Levi would take his girlfriends hand and pull her up, “Let’s go out.” Y/N just nodded and wondered where they would head to around this hour?

They then ended up in town, and Levi was holding her hand carefully and would time to time caress the back of her hand softly with his thumb to ease the pain away and that would give Y/N butterflies every single time he did that.

It turned out that, to make his girlfriend not feel bad about what she did. He ended up buying new teacups, and he would ask her to pick two teacups that she liked. She listened to him and picked the ones she found cute, and wondered why. It was then she realized that Levi finally said with a slight blush on his cheeks, “We can have, matching teacups. Hm, What do you think?”

Now, they have matching teacups <3 He was honestly the best boyfriend to Y/N and he tells her in his own way to comfort her that he is glad she broke that, cause if she didn't they wouldn't have matching teacups “That teacup was shit anyways. I wanted to buy a new set of teacups with you.” Levi would say he wouldn't even know how to even mention it and bring it up cause he was in fact thinking of having matching teacups! He is awkward and shy and would be a stuttering mess if he ever brought it up randomly one day to Y/N so he never mentioned it, but today was the day he would slip it in!

His girlfriend felt pleased and happy, happy about the fact that Levi was really understanding and he would do anything to make her feel happy again, he would never let Y/N go a day not feeling happy and making sure his girl was alright. She would then chuckle after and say, “Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

Levi would then smile at her, feeling relieved to see her smiling and happy again, cause in the end of the day, that was important to him other than a stupid teacup.

Now, Levi would roast ANYONE who touches his and Y/N's teacups. Levi would say to the other scouts that she is only allowed to touch them, use them, clean and even break it.

Then, starting from the next day Levi would sneak in kisses on her hand that got the cut every now and then when no one is looking. This left both of them blushing a lot.

Y/N would sometimes say with a sad sigh “Ugh, I’m so clumsily.” to Levi, but he would then go near her face and hold her side cheek which got her off guard and say “Yea, You are ‘my’ clumsily girl.” He won’t let you say anything negative about yourself slip by and you always feel loved whenever he did that.

Overall, Levi found her absolutely wonderful and her qualities far outshine some of the challenges she faces. Even while she is clumsy and stumbling, she is very skilled when it gets to use her 3D gear, she can just move around very good, flexible and easily avoids titans and Levi is kind of impressed by her skills then says “That's my girl” with a soft smile. Y/N had talent in her blood.

Okay I found this hc fanfic so cute! Levi would definitely never get mad at his girl when it comes to this since this man is very mature and understanding, and he is always willing to make sure she is doing alright and taking care of his girl <3 Levi now uses the new matching teacups every now and then and he would always gets your tea ready using them! (he would be such an excited kid whenever you both used it) so expect to have more tea time sessions with him. Anyways, I hope you and anyone else enjoyed it, and please leave a like, reblog or a message to let me know! Have a great rest of the day and ty for the support <3

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thebrochtuarachs · 3 years

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Something in the Rain - “A Month Apart, Part 1”

A/N: Hi everyone, thank you for your patience as I whipped out this chapter. I had the initial outline on how this chapter will go but more frequent than none, it changes a lot in the middle while I'm in the writing process. :) I love this story and I hope it just gives you the good feels while reading this. We're two years into this pandemic and the world is still crazy. I hope you're keeping safe and being kind to yourself. :) As always, your comments and suggestions are very much welcome.

A modern day meet cute instance between Jamie and Claire.

AO3 / C1: A Day In June : C2: Definitely, Maybe : C3: So We Meet Again : C4: Friday Lunch : C5: Finding Solid Ground : C6: Situations : C7: Interruptions

XXXXX

After their first date, their schedule for the following two weeks we’re packed - with Jamie settling back in the firm after his 2-week trip from London and Claire’s schedule at the hospital and preparing for her trip to Seattle.

Being a lawyer and a doctor weren’t the most flexible jobs - with patients and clients to attend to, surgeries and hearings to prepare for, plus, with both of them in administrative positions, it is additional work on top of their normal duties. But Claire and Jamie were determined to make it work, so they decided to communicate better, be extra patient and understanding, and really commit whatever available time they had.

The first week, Jamie couldn’t make lunch as he had a court hearing to prepare for and Claire couldn’t make dinner as she was on the night shift. So Jamie, one day, surprised Claire outside the hospital by picking her up, invited her to quick breakfast dates instead, and dropping her off at her house to make sure she got home safe.

The second week was a bit lighter but with Claire going to Seattle on Saturday, she had to do extra administrative work to make sure everything was set for her leave. She offered to have dinner takeaways at her office in the evenings which he happily accepted.

The night before her flight, Claire and Jamie were hanging out in her office, sitting at the sofa, admiring the Edinburgh skyline with a little wine and cheese tray.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go out” Claire apologized.

“Don’t worry about it, Sassenach.” Jamie turned to Claire and patted her hand. “I honestly would prefer to do anything if it means I get to spend time with you - whether sitting here in your office on a Friday night or sitting in the gallery watching your surgery.”

“You’re too good to me, James” Claire quipped in a feigned dramatic voice.

“Ah, you give me too much credit, Claire. I hope you know that you make an effort too, especially these past two weeks”

“Me? It feels like you’re fitting more to my schedule than I am yours!”

“But you met me during breakfast even though you looked too knackered from yer shift.”

Claire couldn’t deny that and she could just smile with Jamie’s understanding.

“Are you all packed up for tomorrow?” Jamie asked, changing the subject.

“Yes. The weather’s mostly rainy in Seattle so I brought extra items for the wet and cold.”

“And what’s your schedule for the month?”

“Have I not sent you my itinerary? Hold up -” Claire took out her phone and quickly sent an email to Jamie. “There, I sent you my schedule but between teaching and surgery, my time’s the same as here just minus the administrative work, which I tell you not, I’m pretty excited to be free of it for the next month”

Jamie just nodded. The next month.

It’s all rather bad timing if you look at it. The first month, they’ve been rather inseparable with going to lunches almost everyday and weekends at the center. The following month, quick dates and meetings as Jamie was away at London and their crazy schedule at the hospital and the firm. And now, going into the third month since meeting, they’d be completely separated by roughly 4,485 miles.

“Did you hear what I said, Jamie?” Claire asked while waving a hand in front of Jamie’s face.

“I’m sorry, what?” Returning to the present, unaware that his mind has gone away a bit.

Claire gave him a softened look and sat closer to him. “What were you thinking?”

Jamie stayed silent but Claire’s look urged him on.

“Nah, ye’ll think me daft” Jamie said but Claire shook her head.

“Fine” Jamie stretched his arm to pull her closer and she gladly leaned on his shoulder. “I was just thinking about how I’ll not be able to see ye for a month, how much I’ll be missing ye, and how excited I am once ye return here.”

“Oh,” Claire knew the feelings were simple but it’s his words and the way he said it that touched her most.

“I told ye it’s daft.”

“It’s not daft.” Claire tried to mimic Jamie’s accent but they both just have to laugh at her attempt. Turning serious quickly, she took Jamie’s face by the hand and looked deeply into his eyes. “You know that I am going to miss you too.”

Jamie just nodded in agreement, looking at Claire so sweetly and lovingly that she couldn’t help but lean in for a kiss.

Since their first kiss after their date, they hadn’t been shy in showing affection to each other. Nonetheless, it’s all been very respectful to the boundaries to whatever stage they are in their relationship. Hand touches, hugs, pecks and kisses here and there but never really beyond that.

But with her impending departure, Claire seemed to be eager for more. Instead of completely pulling away, she kissed him again some more.

Jamie quickly picked up the signal and allowed himself to pull Claire closer and to his lap. A few minutes later, Claire felt Jamie’s tongue on her lips asking for entrance which she happily obliged. The air around them was electric.

Jamie was first to pull away before the moment got away from them. Claire sighed - not from disappointment, but by the fact of how chivalrous Jamie really is. And she doesn’t really mind it one bit. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

The following day, Jamie picked up Claire to drop her off at the airport. They thought they had time for a quick bite but traffic was so horrendous that they got to the gate just in time before boarding began.

With barely any time left, Jamie pulled Claire to a tight hug as the PA system called her flight. “Go, you’ll miss your plane”

Claire reluctantly released Jamie with a grunt. “Let’s go somewhere when I return”

“Sounds like a plan” Jamie tried to hide the longing in his voice but it was too late.

“The month will be over before you know it, okay? Message me everyday, call me every afternoon when you can” Claire encouraged him. With one last kiss, they bade each other goodbye as she started walking to her gate and Jamie was no longer in sight.

As Claire waited for take off, the silence of a constant message ping on her phone slightly unsettled her. It was then she realized the vast distance between Seattle and Edinburgh. A single tear escaped but she quickly pulled it together. She’s not even gone yet but homesickness hit her right away.

So the four-week long distance trial began.

The 8-hour time difference is not too crazy between Seattle and Edinburgh with their available times falling at the start and end of the day. They’ve been coping well with their synced calendars and communication options.

Jamie sends flowers and snacks to Seattle Grace, earning Claire points from the staff for all the treats she’s been giving away.

Claire, on her end, sends late messages to Jamie to wake up to in the morning and asks Mrs. Kim’s Korean Street Food Hub to delivery chicken wings to Jamie every so often.

They’ve also reserved some time on the weekend for extended calls with conversations falling from happenings to their week to what hairstyles and colors they’ve done in the past.

It wasn’t till late in the 3rd week that things started to shake up.

It was a random Thursday evening in rainy Seattle. Between two surgeries and one class, Claire was ready to call it a day. She was settling on her sofa, drinking her tea for a little night cap when her phone pinged. It was 9:30PM Seattle meaning it was 5:30AM Edinburgh, too early for anybody to contact her over there unless it was important.

Grabbing her phone, her notifications show it was from Geillis. It was a link to a tabloid along with a message “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?”

With the link, she can see the preview of the title “Jamie Fraser is off the market!” Curiosity prevailed Claire and she clicked the article

On the other side of the world, Jamie, as always, promptly arrived at the firm. Just as he was to pass Mrs. Fitz, she called him out.

“Ah, lad”

“Yes, Mrs. Fitz?”

“I dinna ken yet what ye or Claire are yet but have ye spoken to her today?”

“Today? Not yet. Why?”

She motioned for him to come round the reception and take a peek at her monitor.

She showed him the same article Geillis sent Claire and as soon Jamie saw the accompanying photo, he fished out his phone and immediately contacted Claire. It was midnight in Seattle but Jamie didn’t care - he wanted to clear things before things got misinterpreted.

“Erm, hello?” a groggy Claire answered the phone on the other side of the line.

“Hi, were ye asleep?” Jamie asked as he walked the hallway to his office.

“I was but I answered already, what’s up?” she replied, her voice still muffled by sleep. She knew why he was calling though but wanted to hear it from him. “Did you just arrive at the firm?”

“Yes,” he replied, closing the door to his office for privacy. “Well, I don’t want to keep you long but an article came last night about me and well, in case ye’ll see it, it is not true.”

Jamie heard Claire sigh on the other end, “I’ve seen it” she confirmed.

“Ye’ve already seen it?” he repeated in disbelief, looking at his watch, it’s only been posted a few hours ago.

“Geillis sent it to me earlier, I think it just came out then. She’s a bit of a morning person so…”

“Claire, it isn’t true. It was all in a bad angle. The Dunsany’s have been a long-time client of ours and we had an unexpected dinner meeting yesterday. I was just escorting their daughter to her car when the paparazzi got wind of us and ran with whatever story they could think of.” Jamie quickly explained in summary.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I mean you say it’s not true and I believe you.”

“You don’t have any questions?” he asked, a little baffled.

“Not really. I mean was there more to it?”

“A bit but something we can talk about later.”

“Okay”

It was both refreshing and confusing as to why Claire seemed nonchalant about all this. On one end, she might be really understanding. On the other end, she might be harboring ill-feelings she didn’t want to discuss.

It was Jamie’s line that turned silent. Claire, guessing he might need more despite her sleepy state, obliged him. “Jamie, I won’t lie. I was surprised at first because of the photo and how the article was written with your family histories. Add to that, that I didn’t see it in the calendar and you didn’t text me about it.”

“Why didn’t you call -?”

“But” she interrupted him, “I also know you, Jamie, and I know about us. If I was really concerned, I’ll call you right away. But I’m not and we’ll be meeting later anyway, so I know we’ll talk about it eventually.” she paused to catch a breath. “Besides, you already explained it, I don’t need to know any more because I trust you, Jamie.”

“Okay” it was Jamie’s turn to give the one-word reply.

“Are we okay now?” she asked.

“Yes, as long as ye are too.” Jamie replied to which Claire mummed in agreement. “Thank ye, Claire.”

“You’re welcome. Now, I’ll go back to sleep and see you later.” With that, Claire ended the call, a small smile crept on her face knowing the relief and joy Jamie probably feels right now.

#outlander #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #something in the rain #sitr #mia writers #jamie fraser #claire fraser #jamie x claire #geillis duncan #mrs. fitz #geneva dunsany #sam heughan #caitriona balfe #sam x cait #samcait #sam cait

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bakugoukatsuki-rising · 3 years

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Deku vs Kacchan 2

So a new friend of mine I made on tiktok wanted a meta on Deku v Kacchan 2, and of course I obliged because I never get tired of analyzing their relationship.

Deku v Kacchan 2 was the starting point to a shift in their relationship, because this was when Bakugou came face to face with his inferiority complex, and all of the emotions he had been holding on to came bubbling to the surface, and I would like to preface by saying Deku is the ONLY PERSON Bakugou has EVER shown his weaknesses to without question.

We don’t ever see him cry or vent to anyone else. Not a single person. He is completely open only in front of Deku.

The first example of this is actually in the start of the manga, when Deku means to tell him about One for All out of fear Bakugou would misunderstand him, and Bakugou makes his first step in becoming better by admitting he recognizes he isn’t as strong as he always thought and that Deku beat him. This is also the first time we see Bakugou cry out of frustration, which is a side of him he only ever shows to Deku.

For reference, this is Chapter 11.

My boy is just wanting to be the best, ya know? All his life he’s been boosted up for having such a strong quirk, and for always being the best at stuff, and now suddenly he just...isn’t. That would mess with anyone’s head, honestly. But the one he spills those feelings to, it’s Deku. Not any other person, just Deku. You think if he hated Deku at this point, he would open up about such vulnerable feelings to him?

I don’t think so.

Then we have the second time he’s vulnerable and recognizing different things about himself and Deku during their fight with All Might, and it is another instance we see him crying. Yes, All Might was there, but those emotions were a direct result of Deku’s words to him about not giving up.

For reference, these are chapters 62 & 63.

Look at the raw emotion Deku is able to draw out of this kid. You will never be able to convince me he EVER hated Deku. Yes, even when he bullied him in middle school and told him to kill himself, I don’t believe Bakugou hated him. I believe that he misunderstood him and it scared him, and so he lashed out in anger since that was the only real form of emotion he knew how to properly convey. Was it right? Obviously not, but at least we are able to understand more of his thought process at that time.

So from here, we get into the end of All Might and Deku vs. Kacchan 2.

From the very start of everything, once Deku was given One for All, Bakugou has been spiraling. He had been struggling and fighting with himself, trying to come to terms with the fact that reality proves he isn’t the strongest or greatest and there is actually a shit ton he’s lacking, so he needs to change to be better. That’s a little difficult though when the person who is a constant reminder of your weaknesses is always around you.

Then he comes to the conclusion that Deku was given All Might’s power, and that is kind of like an epiphany to him. I think, when Bakugou realized All Might gave Deku OfA, he really came to understand the parts of Deku he hadn’t before. The parts that made him the perfect individual for that power, even if he acted like he didn’t know and said some shit like “I’m weak, too!” when All Might broke up their fight, he doesn’t want OfA. He wants acknowledgment. Because to him, All Might giving OfA to Deku was like saying that he is the strongest, and he deserves that power.

When in reality it’s the opposite. Deku had nothing, he was weak and powerless, and yet immediately willing to protect those around him even if it meant losing his own life, and that’s the true make of a hero. Bakugou recognized that, I believe at least, during Deku vs Kacchan 2.

For reference, these are from chapters 117 & 118

So he’s venting, obviously. This is his opening to the big bit that we’ll be getting to shortly, but this is important but he’s opening himself up to Deku. I’ll say it again,

DEKU IS THE ONLY PERSON BAKUGOU HAS EVER OPENED UP TO EMOTIONALLY

This always gets me because Bakugou knows. I made a whole separate meta about him recognizing those attributes of Deku’s and recognizing that’s what makes him so powerful in his own right.

Bakugou completely understands by this point what it is that made All Might choose Deku. He witnessed time and time again how willing Deku was to throw everything away for other people, how his desire to save came before absolutely anything else. He understands that. This is just his denial, and his pride wanting proof.

Now we’re coming to the big bits, the meat of this entire fight.

I wanted to talk in between them but honestly, they should speak for themselves.

“This battle might have been pointless. Win or lose..maybe it didn’t really matter. But at that moment, I knew I had to fight. Because the only person who understood what Kacchan was feeling, was me.”

Now we have Deku recognizing what this is all about, that Bakugou is opening himself up to him and exposing those weaknesses he’s been struggling with for so long. Guilt, fear, anger, sadness. Bakugou has been holding onto so many things and had nowhere for it to come out until this fight. Remember, right after Kamino and All Might’s end, they went straight back to every day life. Bakugou was forced to train as normal and even take the provisional licensing exam before he was able to get a moment to process everything.

Now that he had time for it, he decided to come out with his feelings, and obviously they needed to be expressed to Deku. He does this because he knows Deku is going to accept them. If he’s learned anything from his time being a little shit, it was that Deku wasn’t going anywhere, and he would listen to him whether he was screaming in anger or crying in pain. Because Deku was raised to show emotion, he cried and it was okay and he wasn’t shamed or told he was weak. He wasn’t held to some imaginary scale of strength because he...never really had any, not the way strength is perceived in this universe, at least.

But Bakugou did have strength, and so it was pushed onto him since his quirk developed, which led to his horrible combination of an inferiority complex and a superiority complex. It skewed the way he saw the people around him, and he couldn’t understand that someone could have strength even if they lacked a quirk or a way to fight. Deku had strength Bakugou didn’t, the strength to protect and care and love without restraint. It terrified Bakugou, and so he tried to push Deku away because of it.

But Deku vs. Kacchan 2 put a ton of stuff in perspective for Bakugou.

For reference this is from chapter 120.

This scene is so beautiful to me. The way it’s implied they make eye contact. The emotion in this scene alone is so powerful, and should immediately tell you their relationship will never be the same; and it wasn’t.

I feel like a lot of people don’t see a difference because Bakugou is still hot-headed and foul-mouthed, but he is in no way the same kid from before this chapter. Not to Deku, and not to anyone else. Being able to express himself and get all of that frustration out from what built up over almost a years time, it allowed him to begin truly changing himself into a better person. This was his starting point to recognizing that he can’t continue just fighting on his own, and he would eventually have to depend on other’s if he wants to be the best. He would have to open himself up.

It’s gradual, and subtle, but it’s there. There are instances of it everywhere. From him joining in on OfA’s meetings, to the ways he encourages Deku to keep getting stronger by pushing him, to the JT when he acts with his team to win, all the way to the current chapters.

Don’t get it twisted though, Bakugou’s development for himself started way before DvK2, but DvK2 is when the real development between Bakugou and Deku started, and these beautiful chapters led us all the way to 284 and 285, which was the most definitive show of development and growth I have ever seen a character make.

#bnha #mha #bnha meta #bnha analysis #bkdk #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #deku #kacchan #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha manga #mha manga #deku vs kacchan 2 #dvk2 #bakudeku

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jitterbugjive · 3 years

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Something I wish more people would understand is how unhealthy and misguided I was in my early 20s. I came out of a life of mental and sexual abuse, for a bit I had a much older boyfriend than me that I didn’t realize until fairly recently was grooming me since I was 14. I was a hyper sexual teenager due to the exposure I had in childhood and I sought people out constantly to ERP with, even adults, without really thinking anything was wrong with that. I had an old friend who started running away from home to look for random adult men to sleep with so my understanding and feelings towards that kind of situation got all twisted and confused and I didn’t know how to help my friend. I had another friend who was pulled in to a 3 way by another minor and an adult, and the other minor was also the sort who actively looked for adult men who would be sick enough to sleep with her. And my best friend had a sister who was also exhibiting this behavior despite my friends’ many protests, because their mom didn’t give a single fuck about anything. I had an older babysitter, by older I mean in his 60s, who would bring up conversations about sex with me and show me porn on TV from when I was 10-13. I was dealing with unchecked PTSD which made me overly reactive, prone to fits of anger and anxiety.

My point is, back then I didn’t have any kind of professional help or anywhere I could go for answers on things I didn’t understand or had a limited understanding of. When I ask the question ‘what do you do if a kid is seeking out adult sexual attention’ it’s not because I’m trying to blame kids for this, it’s because it scares me when kids are unknowingly, maybe even knowingly, exposing themselves to danger for whatever screwed up reason they may have. And no one wants to talk about that kind of situation, so I couldn’t find any answers. I couldn’t find an appropriate way to process my feelings on the matter, my understanding of it, the way I viewed it, I couldn’t find what the correct way to feel or deal with it was. Again, because no one wants to talk about it. With my naivety and personal experience, I at first held resentment towards kids like that, because I remember being put in danger because of them or they put my friends in danger, and those kids seemed very sure of their choices even when they were perfectly aware it was wrong. One of them I knew, even as an adult, didn’t ever think anything was wrong with what they did, they didn’t come with that regret you hear most people talking about. I regret the way I’ve reacted to these situations and I regret the way I phrased things when I was trying to come to terms with this issue that I’d been honestly traumatized by.

Another thing I didn’t understand in my early 20s was appropriate boundaries, because I wasn’t given appropriate boundaries as a kid I only knew one big basic thing: Don’t do anything sexually explicit with minors.

And when it came to RP, I thought that meant PG13 content was okay. I thought if there was a fade to black, or a time skip, or an implication, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. Now, there are literally only 2 instances I can think of where there was any sort of implication of sexual acts between characters with a minor, I still made sure nothing explicit was shown or explored and I was of the impression that I was just letting the other person have fun because that’s what they were in to. And that was a mistake. Not as big of a mistake as it could have been, mind you, but I’d never cross that line. I thought I had a good line drawn in the sand but I didn’t really understand where it was supposed to be. Because if we’re gonna be honest here, looking back I know now even romantic fluff RP between an adult and a minor isn’t okay, even if it’s through characters and not as ourselves.

I know now how much of an emotional impact RP can have on a person, considering most of my romantic relationships started with RP. When you have a character you deeply connect to interacting with someone else’s character, it’s really easy to start mistaking your character’s feelings for your own. You could believe because your characters get along so well that maybe the two of you can get along romantically too. I’m not saying that RP shouldn’t lead to romance, but that it can easily blind a person from how their RP partner really is. So it’s dangerous to RP with kids like this. I should know, my abusive ex that groomed me until I turned 18 in order to date me certainly had me convinced we were meant for each other just because our characters clicked and my character happened to be a representation of myself.

Something I’m really ashamed to admit as well is a serious misjudgement on my part, where for some reason I assumed bodily fluids weren’t NSFW. Probably because I’ve seen people get away with censoring out naughty bits but leaving the spunk in an image, or just drawing the character with spunk on them or something. Point is, people were getting away with it not being flagged as porn, and my dumb brain was like ‘okay so it’s not that bad’. I need to make something clear here, I don’t entirely remember what happened or why it happened, but it’s true that Bedeviled Derpy had a post that showed spunk in 2 of the images and it was drawn from some sketches of mine by a teenager. I don’t believe I would have requested such a thing, I certainly didn’t script it to say ‘draw spunk here’, in fact the sketches don’t show any indication of a mess anywhere. I just remember being given the finished images with the spunk being added, and I was dumb enough to think “oh yeah this is totally okay for a SFW blog” and my brain didn’t even register like ‘hello yes a child drew this maybe ask them to remove the spunk also spunk isn’t sfw or child friendly in any way shape or form’

Some people, maybe only a handful, or more, I don’t know, but some people have this assumption that my mindset in all of this was like “Hahaha I’m taking advantage of a minor” and that’s just... not it?

I’m a colossal dumbass, I admit that, and I was really irresponsible, but it was NOT because I had any intentions on preying on a child. I just don’t do that.

The things I said and did, I did out of ignorance, and most of the bad stuff people talk about me saying was from 5+ years ago, before I got any help, before I had anyone to walk me through these incredibly complex emotions and opinions that were ingrained in my head since childhood.

I just wish that people could see I had no malice or ill intent, I wish people could realize they’re way overthinking my actions and taking things a lot more personally than they were ever meant to be. Maybe if they could see this for what it is rather than assuming I’m a villain who purposefully did everything wrong, they could learn to move on in a healthy way.

I understand I did a lot of harm and there’s no undoing that.

But I do NOT deserve to be accused of pedophilia. Pedophilia has literally ruined my life and my perception of the world. I’m a victim too, and just because I became an adult doesn’t mean I suddenly know right from wrong. That’s not how becoming an adult works. You’re allowed to make mistakes as an adult, being an adult doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes any more. Yes it’s easier to say to someone ‘you were just a kid, it was a mistake, you didn’t know any better’, but adults have a hard time knowing ‘any better’ too. We’re always growing and learning and I’d like to think people are smart enough to see that I have grown in to a better person.

I hope people can find it in their hearts to forgive me, but I fear some people are too far gone down the rabbit hole of being convinced that everything was on purpose and from malice, that I’m some evil mastermind who thrives on manipulation and taking advantage of kids. I’ve only ever associated with 2 minors since becoming an adult and I have no intention of associating with any more that aren’t directly connected to my family or my friends.

Anyone who actually knows me would know I have a 0 tolerance for IRL pedophilia, when I found out a member of one of my groups was showing nudes to minors he was immediately kicked out and I kept tabs on the situation to make sure he’d be caught by police. When a member in my server was exposed for ERP and orbiting with a minor, I kicked him out too.

I worry about kids to a point that it’s part of my PTSD, I have anxiety attacks just worrying about how a kid might be getting harmed, the last thing I want to do is bring harm to them.

And I did cause harm, I didn’t know that was what I was doing, but I did, because I wasn’t mature enough to understand how to interact with kids as an adult. And again, I’m just incredibly sorry things had to even come to this. I’m not lying when I say I think about this every single day, and sometimes spiral in to really bad anxiety because of it. It affects me heavily.

I want to move on.

And I want the people affected to move on too.

Because dwelling on this isn’t going to do anyone any good.

#apology #important

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theyscreamjade · 3 years

Note

Heyy can you do a Headcannon with Kirishima, Bakugou, Todoroki, and Midoriya; their S/O has eating disorder and they help her through kinda comfort, if it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to

S/O With a Eating Disorder.

Actually, My best friend had a eating disorder as well, while I dealt with my problems with self harm. I hope this makes your day and please keep trying. I know it may seem hard and it’s the best thing to do, it’s not. If you ever need someone to talk to my dear Anon, I’m here for you! I’ll Detroit Smash all those thoughts in a millisecond.

——————————————

Izuku Midoriya

* This poor sweet boy, he cares so much about you that when he finds out. He’s hurt.

* It takes him a minute to discover this and when he does, he’s heartbroken. You’ve dealt with this alone and he wasn’t there to help you.

* “Puppy? Do you have an eating disorder?”

* When he confronts you, he may be gentle about it. He’ll mention it when you two are alone and there’s no one else around. If you cry, he’ll hold you until you calm down.

* He’s usually observant of you and how you are, but he couldn’t see past that mask you often wore or how your weight decreased dramatically.

* If you decide to let him help, he’s standing beside you each part of the way. He’s throwing away every diet pill, laxative, or anything that’ll make you either sick or anything.

* From then on, he might learn how to cook or ask his mother for meals for you two.

* He’s going to be a lot more observant to you and your weight though, he might go a bit overboard but please understand he’s writing it down to keep you safe and healthy.

* His affection is going to increased to the max, if you stop and stare at a model during you two’s date. He’ll stop and look at the before kissing your cheek. “You don’t even compare to them, you’re way better than them.”

* God, He’s going to express himself through sex. Every mark, hickey, bruise, and more on your body will be a constant reminder of how much he loves you. Every time he touches it, your body just flashes that memory of him whispering every little amazing fact about you that he has in his book.

* Those anger bursts, depressive nights, the days when you can’t get up or even get dressed, just know he’s going to be there.

* I don’t doubt, he’d ask All Might what would he recommend for this situation or even recommend counseling for you so you can become that smiling beckon that kept him going again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katsuki Bakugo

* He ALREADY knew something was up.

* The moment he brought you his shirt and it didn’t fit like it normally would, he immediately suspected something.

* His suspicions were confirmed when you, him and the Baku-Squad were out at a restaurant. Mina, being the observant gal she is, asked if you were losing weight. The nail was in the coffin when you didn’t eat either, claiming you weren’t hungry though he was with you all day and you hadn’t eaten a single bite.

* Once you two leave the restaurant and we’re walking home, he just asks.

* “Do you have a problem with eating or somethin?” He’d ask, making you freeze on the sidewalk.

* Don’t try to lie to him either, it’ll make him even angrier than he was already.

* He’s not angry at you, he’s angry at himself. He’s ticked that he didn’t avoid this from happening to you. Was his insults too much? What can he do to fix the damage he thinks he’s caused to you?

* Once you two are home, please expect to have THOROUGH CLEAN home. I mean everything, Laxatives, diet pills, magazines. YEP, MAGAZINES. They’re the reason for some of the issues.

* His insults will be less frequent and he might act like a softie more around you. He's going to be a bit more affectionate too.

* I FUCKING DARE YOU to TRY and say something negative about yourself.

* I FUCKING DARE YOU.

* You will experience the wrath of Ground Zero deep in you, you’ll become a whimpering mess underneath his hold until you cry out and say how great you are.

* He’s cooking every meal, no matter how tired he is. THIS MAN MIGHT HAVE A CAST ON HIS LEG AND HE WILL BE COOKING IN THAT KITCHEN STILL.

* He’s going to track your weight every night until he feels as if he can trust you a bit more. He never lost trust in you, he knows you were swallowed by the depression that blinded you and wants you to be better again.

* He’s going to try to be patient with you, but with him it’s a three strike system. Once you’re at the third, you’re going to have to make a sacrifice. Him or your problem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shoto Todoroki

* Please know, Shoto’s not obvious to things. Of course, he noticed how different you were acting, how small your body was becoming, how you often were cold and many others.

* He just simply thought you were training harder to be better or something. He wouldn’t even bother you while you trained.

* That was until you just passed out. You passed out in front of him and his family at a family gathering and wouldn’t wake up.

* That honestly triggered the poor man.

* His brother discovered in your records, that the last normal weight you had was months back.

* His heart shattered into a thousand pieces as he starts to blame himself completely until his sister calms him down.

* While you’re still in the hospital recovering, him and Midoriya are cleaning up the home. Every last item that reminded you of the body you wanted to strive for or the imperfections that you thought you had was gone.

* When you were released, you were immediately placed on a strict diet placed from his brother and the family physician. Shoto normally doesn’t be the pushy type in these situations but..he doesn’t want to see you like that ever again.

* “I never...want to see you like that again, I thought I lost you.”

* He’s going to watch every item you eat, so you won’t either binge out or anything.

* ...the locks in the bathroom may be..gone. BUT JUST KNOW HE CARES OKAY?!

* Shoto might be a bit more affectionate with you as well, always holding you, reminding you every single day just how much you mean to him.

* This may include a SIGNIFICANT increase in sexual activities which includes him whispering in your ear about how much you mean to him and how amazing you are.

* This poor peppermint’s been through a lot.

* He’s going to be patient, All he wants is to see you well again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eijiro Kirishima

* This man’s attention to you IS ON FUCKING POINT.

* You have to realize, he dealt with confidence issues too. So when he notices how you degrade yourself in a joking way at first. He’ll try to boost you up with his love for you.

* But when he notices how much smaller you were and how your clothes seemed to be baggy items on your body. He’s going to push you right back into your home, holding your shoulders as he stared deeply into your eyes.

* “Don’t lie to me okay? Do you have an eating disorder or something? Are you sick? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

* The questions were frequently and blunt, very unlike him. Your silence was an absolute confirmation for him.

* He’s going to beat himself up and call him unmanly for not even being able to help you through this. He was so blind! So oblivious to you and your needs.

* He’s going to cry and hold you as tightly as he could, his arms holding you as tight as he could. He’s going apologize for all those nights you slept alone, those days you hid your feelings from him, those moments when you probably needed him and never called.

* After you two confided, he’s going through every item. Now, the difference with this. He’s making you trash every item you use. I mean every single one. Dumping each pill, rip each magazine and everything.

* Afterwards, he’ll lead you to a secluded area where he often came to when he was younger. There, you two pour your feelings out until you two are laughing at the insecurities you have from a different point of view.

* You two are going to switch when you make meals though. Like for instance, he may have one week and you have the other. When he feels as if you don’t have enough to eat, he’ll feed you.

* If you ever feel depressed, sad, or anything. Just call him, because he’s going to come as soon as you even dial his number. Before the phone can even ring, he’s at your door.

* He’s going to CONSTANTLY REMIND you of just how amazing, sexy, and everything you are. He’s expressing it in more ways than anyone can expect.

* Honestly, Kirishima would probably wait to see results. He won’t be over your shoulder to check your weight constantly but rather to see you gain some a bit.

* Just know he’s not going to give up on you. He’s going to be patient with you because you’re his Beauty Cool.

* Don’t disappoint him please, I’d hate for anyone to experience a distant Kirishima. It’s like having a day without sunshine nor rain.

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hatsukeii · 4 years

Note

Hiii do you have any relationship Hc's for goshiki

Hmmm this is gonna take a bit, but I have some ideas in mind:D

Our weird bowl cut boy lol

He’s gonna be Shiratorizawa’s ace... someday.

I’m gonna split this to two parts, because I write long hcs and I wanna write out how you guys dealt with your feelings before actually dating.

👾Goshiki👾

✨Confession✨

- Really clueless at first.

- By really clueless I mean REALLY CLUELESS.

- When you joined the volleyball team as manager, he definitely tried to talk big, trying to give you a good impression of who is and why you “shouldn’t mess with him.”

- He refused to get close to you, despite your efforts in trying to get him to loosen up.

- “You’re just gonna be a distraction.”

- “I’m here to beat Ushijima and become the ace of Shiratorizawa, not make friends.”

- Ah yes, the typical no bullshit shounen anime protagonist that ends up somehow becoming the little brother of the team.

- And also ends up as a tiny crush for a certain someone.

- You don’t really know when you started noticing him that much. He was kinda just... there.

- But alas, seeing how determined he is to get to the top? Mad respect.

- Maybe with time that respect slowly became admiration and attraction.

- You wanna know how determined he is? Think Kageyama, but times ten.

- This bitch waits for everyone to leave the gym after practise, then continues to train his ass off for hours. I’m talking 4-5 extra hours of training.

- You only know this because you stay behind in the gym to clean up the equipment, and he doesn’t leave the gym when you do, which is about an hour or two after practice ends.

- Whenever you ask him when he’s leaving, he just waves you off halfheartedly, usually muttering a casual “I’ll be leaving soon, don’t worry.”

- And if you think that’s it? Oh nononono.

- There has been one instance where you saw him passed out.

- Like Goshiki trained so hard he just blacked out due to exhaustion.

- How you found him?

- Well,

- Your dumbass left your textbooks in the gym, so you had to go back and retrieve it.

- It was like what, 8 in the evening, but the lights and air conditioning were still on.

- You were already weirded out, so you decided to be extra careful. You know how high schoolers are these days, who knows what they’re doing behind closed doors sometimes.

- You creak the doors open just a bit, taking a peep.

- And your eyes land on a motionless Goshiki just laying on the gym floor.

- That scene scared the shit out of you.

- You checked his pulse, and his breathing. To your relief, his pulse was still there, although it wasn’t as strong as it should be. However, his breathing was definitely shallower than usual.

- Thank god for that emergency treatment course you enrolled for last year. You knew how to treat Goshiki almost immediately, raising his legs and keeping them up with a stool you found. What you didn’t expect, was for him to not wake up even after 5 whole minutes of you checking on him.

- That time you literally called an ambulance.

- Needless to say you definitely scolded him when he woke up, before forcing him to eat and drink something.

- Turns out for the past months or so, he’s been training for an extra 4-5 hours a day, without enough food or water to replenish himself.

- It would be about 9-10pm when he got home, where he had to finish his homework and finally get some food in his system, mostly leftovers. When he’s done with homework, it would be around 1am, which would be when he actually cleans up and hauls his ass to bed.

- He has to wake up at 5am for morning practise.

- You were about to punch him when he told the doctor all that.

- Since that worrying experience, you’ve forced Goshiki to leave the gym after a maximum of two hours.

- You walked him to the bus station after every single practise, just to make sure he doesn’t pass out.

- (And also to stare at him while he listens to music and tosses the ball occasionally, but he doesn’t need to know that.)

- Goshiki honestly appreciates the walks to the bus stop and the casual conversations you guys can hold.

- And to be honest, he was pretty surprised you’d actually go along with what you said in the hospital and “Walk him home every single day until he’s done with volleyball in highschool.”

- These days you patiently wait for him to finish his extra practise, and set an alarm for 2 hours. Once those 2 hours are up, you’re dragging his ass out of the gym with his stuff all packed neatly. No buts, nope, don’t wanna hear it.

- Maybe it was the determination you had to make sure he was safe and healthy, or the dumb conversations you had every single day about mermaids getting laid and unicorns getting horny.

- Because with time, Goshiki eventually succumbed to his feelings and admitted to himself.

- He had fallen for you. Hard.

- And there was nothing he could do about it.

- Except,

- Avoid you as much as he could.

- Poor little Goshiki was so clueless that he thought avoiding you would eventually cause his feelings to just disappear like how my dad went to get the milk.

- Whenever he saw you in the hallways, he’d just blush and walk the other way, even if it was the opposite direction of where he was supposed to be going.

- Nope, no fist bump, hi five, nothing.

- Alas, he couldn’t avoid you much anyways, since you were the manager for the volleyball team, and you also persisted on walking him to the bus stop every single god damned day.

- All he could do was try and muster up the driest possible responses to anything you said.

- “So, how was practice? You feeling anywhere near as powerful as Ushiwaka yet?”

- “Eh, it was okay.”

- “You want something to eat or drink? We can go to that boba store around the corner from last week and get something.”

- “Nah, I’m good.”

- You were weirded out, to say the least.

- Since when did Goshiki pass on boba?

- “Oi, Tsutomu, are you feeling okay? You’re acting a bit odd.”

- You raised your hand to his forehead, feeling the warmth on your palm as Goshiki flared 50 different shades of red.

- “U-uh, my stop’s there, I’ll see you tomorrow bye-” he rambled, stuttering over his words before zooming towards the wrong station.

- “What just happened?”

- All Goshiki could do was get home as quick as possible, finish all his work, eat up, clean himself, and just scream into his pillow.

- “I’ve been avoiding her for so long, why is she still stuck in there?”

- He was being so blatantly obvious with avoiding you that the volleyball team eventually had to speak up.

- That went terribly.

- “Goshiki, why aren’t you focusing these days? Is there something troubling you?” -Shirabu

- “Plus, you haven’t even spared a glance at y/n, let alone talked to her. Aren’t you guys like best friends?” -Tendou

- “Goshiki do you like her?” -Ushijima

- Goshiki almost choked on his water.

- No, not almost. He definitely choked on his water.

- “What? ME? PLEASE! OF COURSE NOT!” -Goshiki, in denial, blushing

- “Seems like you do to us.” -Ushijima, as blunt as usual

- “Well then, you should’ve just told me Goshiki. I never knew you disliked me.”

- Oh shi-

- Well isn’t it convenient? You were standing right there with volleyballs in hand when he decided to belt out that statement.

- For the next few weeks, you both avoided each other as much as you can. You even stopped walking him to the bus stop.

- Until the day before their match against Karasuno.

- At this point, Goshiki had had enough.

- This was troubling him to an extent already, and he also had the match to worry about.

- At the end of practice, he waited until all the members of the team (especially Tendou) left the gym, before harshly pulling you into the storage room, pulling you down to sit next to him on the floor.

- “What do you want Goshiki-”

- “I like you. That’s it.”

- What the hell.

- Your mouth hung open, you face and neck feeling hot, as he made his way back into the gym, practising yet again. All you could do was sit in the storage room, still not comprehending what had just happened.

- Not knowing how to deal with this, you grabbed your stuff, and made your way home as quick as you can, not wanting to deal with the situation at hand yet. You flop onto your bed once you reach your room, and scream into the pillow out of frustration.

- “Why did I do that? That was my chance, I blew it! I’m so stupid oh my god.”

- Goshiki was also being extra aggressive with the volleyballs too. By the time he had finished his extra practise, his palms were scathed and sore, red marks scattered all over.

- During the match agaisnt Karasuno, he was extra nervous, not wanting to screw up.

- But at the same time, the events of yesterday replayed in his mind like a broken record. The way you stared at him in shock, not even making a sound. How you left the gym as quick as it happened, not sparing even a glance at him. It made him regret ever befriending you in the first place. He should’ve known that this was bound to happen.

- This led to him being extra aggressive during the match. Both teams were shocked and quite frankly, a bit intimidated too.

- Goshiki was fueled by all his pent up rage against himself, a seemingly dark aura radiating off of him on the court. He was stupid. An absolute imbecile. A moron. An idiot that put his heart on his sleeve, not once thinking about the consequences it could bring.

- When coach Washijo decided to scream “if you’re gonna stare, at least stare at a damn girl” at him, he sneered so hard at him his face was about to become permanently contorted. Even his own coach, the spawn of satan, was taken aback.

- The fact that Shiratorizawa ended up losing did not help. At all. All that did was make his day even shittier.

- Until you finally told him you reciprocated his feelings.

- Not long after the loss, the team all went their own way home, feeling miserable about the game.

- Goshiki had his earphones in, walking towards the bus station, head hung low as he silently sobbed, feeling like absolute shit.

- You caught up to him, before basically engulfing him in a huge hug from behind, nuzzling your head into his shoulder, refusing to let go.

- He was flustered, to say the least. Frozen in place, tears continued to stream down his face in steady streaks.

- “I’m sorry for your loss today, and for yesterday too.”

- His eyes widened at your apology as he furiously wiped the hot tears, his eyes still slightly puffy and his nose still red.

- At this moment, Goshiki needed someone. Desperately. In one swift motion, he had turned around and held you with an iron grip, a hand pushing your head into his chest, his back hunched with his head in the crook of your neck as he cried, this time letting the sobs and whimpers become audible. His salty tears met your skin, rolling down to your collarbone.

- “So the reason why you’ve been avoiding me was because you liked me?”

- Goshiki nodded into your neck, still crying.

- “Well I’ve liked you since the start of the school year too, so don’t worry. I’m here for you.”

- Hearing that, he detached himself from your neck, staring at you, surprised at how calm you were and how dense he had been.

- “Wait for real?”

- You were in a hurry, since you promised to run some errands, so you did the first thing that popped into your mind.

- On your tiptoes, you gave his lips a quick peck, before running away, your face completely red.

- “For the record Tsutomu, we’re dating now I guess.”

✨Dating✨

- What a sweetie.

- At first, he’s super secretive with the relationship, not wanting people to find out.

- Especially not his parents. He would have hell personally sent to him in a cute little death package if they ever found out he was dating someone.

- He tried his best not to show any trace of him being in a relationship during practice.

- But alas, Tendou once sneaked up on you two holding hands at school and instantly knew.

- This redhead announced it to the whole team that you two were dating and you almost beat him up.

- Now, he’s opened up a lot more about this than when it first started.

- No, his parents still don’t know about you two.

- But his friends knew not to hit on you, and the volleyball team would constantly tease him when you walked by, making kissy noises and over the top fake moans. Tendou once shoved two balls up his chest just to imitate you. You looked over to see your third year senior with an ahegao face, two volleyballs unevenly shoved into his shirt as he skipped around. You stared in disgust, giving him a slight scowl before turning around and continuing with your shit.

- Needless to say his other balls were absolutely wrecked by Goshiki.

- Will spoil you so badly like damn.

- Occasional gifts from lil bowl cut is something you should definitely expect.

- Sometimes you’ll just randomly find a new pair of earrings or a new phone case on your desk with a note from him, while your classmates stare in awe and lowkey envy you from afar.

- Very, very frequent dates.

- I’m talking like every weekend, and sometimes even after school on friday.

- Dates planned by Goshiki aren’t ever extravagant or anything, but god damn do they make you feel blessed. Usually it’s just to a cute cafe, maybe a carnival, or a movie date.

- Dates planned by you though? Ohohohoho he was in for so much fun. I’m talking trampoline parks, amusement parks, gaming cafes, volleyball dates, all that fun shit.

- You would let him teach you how to play volleyball, and end up laughing your ass off at how incredibly bad you were while he kinda just gives up on teaching you and goofs around.

- Your hands running through his hair is literally the best thing he has ever felt no cap.

- Likes to cup your cheeks a lot, just to make you flustered.

- (Secretly loves it so much when he’s able to make you all blushy because oh my god you look so cute.)

- You’re not allowed to sleepover at his, nor is he allowed to sleepover at yours because strict parents!

- The rare times when your parents allow you to go “help your friend Goshiki study,” you guys actually do serious studying.

- Then right after that comes the cuddling.

- Okay let’s be real, Goshiki would probably be really awkward at the start.

- He’d probably try make sure you were comfortable, so his body would be twisted into some weird position.

- But he eventually found his favourite way to cuddle with you, in a way where both of you could just lay in peace comfortably without breaking your backs.

- Most times, he would lie sideways on his bed facing you. He’d snake one hand around your lower back, the other to your head as he pulls you in close, resting you against his chest. You could hear his heartbeat, which sped up every time you nuzzled against him.

- Cute.

- Will give you pecks on the lips every single morning when he first sees you, wherever he is.

- It do not matter to him how many people are watching, he do not care. At all.

- Holds your hand e v e r y w h e r e .

- He’s also very fond of forehead kisses.

- He just finds them so heartwarming and intimate in a non sexual way.

- Every time something was bothering you, or you were just breaking down because of how shitty life was, he knows exactly what to do.

- He’d pull you into a tight hug, kissing the top of your head while drawing circles on your back with his fingers.

- If it was worse and you were crying, he likes to wipe your tears for you, kissing the stains on your cheeks, before planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

- Loves it when you wear his hoodies.

- They’re oversized on you and oh my god sweater paws are the death of him.

- You’re honestly relieved he’s not looking for anything sexual.

- He’s too pure for that shit, keep his innocence.

- You made a promise to cheer for him wearing his jersey whenever he played in matches, and you’ve never broken it.

- PDA.

- SO MUCH PDA.

- This boy. He loves showing you off to his teammates so much.

- “I may not be as good as Ushijima at volleyball yet, but at least I’m not a crusty single bitch.” -Goshiki to some rando that insulted his skills and personality

- “You guys go look for your own plus ones to the school dance, I’m keeping y/n.” -Goshiki to his friends

- “Stop imitating her Tendou-san, it’s insulting to her. You’re too odd to get even close to imitating her accurately.” -Goshiki to Tendou who had volleyballs in his shirt and pants

- Please just protect him at all costs, he’s so precious.

Love how the request was for relationship hcs and I ended up writing more backstory lmaoo

Still hope you liked it though I worked on this for days xx🥺🥰

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #hq headcanons #hq hcs #shiratorizawa #karasuno #goshiki tsutomu #haikyuu goshiki #hq goshiki #goshiki x reader #ushijima #tendou #volleyball #hq x reader

170 notes · View notes

greekgeek21 · 3 years

Text

Percy Jackson & The Avengers: Convergence - percy is taken by the men (women) in black

Ok, so by what I've been hearing, there has been some confusion regarding the timeline, so here's the full explanation: figure it out for yourselves. My beta reader and I have already discussed this (MONTHS AGO IN FACT!) and we ultimately decided to not go into any specifics because it wasn't important to the story and the only thing you guys needed to know was that Percy and Annabeth were 18 now, and it's after the first Avengers movie and that Thor's not there. Got it? Ok, now to the real good stuff!

Thank you to all the people who have responded kindly to this story. Honestly, it made my day to find that I had already received 3 reviews on ff before it had even been out an hour. So, thanks so much guys.

THIS IS STILL CANON I JUST HAVEN'T HAD THE CHARACTERS MENTION MAGNUS CHASE OR THE KANES YET YOU MONGRELS!!! Ok. I think I covered everything. Stay safe and happy reading!

- your author

PS hopefully these will start to get shorter cuz I hate reading long A/Ns on other fanfics so I don't want to be THAT person.

Ω ♆ Ω

Knock Knock

"Come in, Hill," Fury said, already knowing it would be his second-in-command.

As she entered, Fury noticed a slight change in her attitude. It wasn't large, but it was noticeable to the experienced spy's eyes. It was almost- confusion? What could she have discovered that caused her to be confused?

"Sir, I found a possible suspect. He's...not what we expected," Hill told him, placing a file on his desk.

The file included a single piece of paper. A SINGLE PIECE OF PAPER!!! Who was this guy that could evade SHIELD's suspicion for so long? Surely, someone smart. Very smart.

"What do you mean, Hill?" he asked, picking up the paper.

The woman in question cleared her throat before responding, "See for yourself. He's just a kid."

Not displaying any surprise, though there was some going through his head, Fury read the information on the sheet:

Name: PERSEUS "PERCY" JACKSON

Gender: MALE

Age/DOB: 18; AUGUST 18, 1993

Status: ALIVE

Last Known Location: MANHATTAN, NY

Place of Birth: MANHATTAN, NY

Race: CAUCASIAN

Height: 6'1"

Hair: BLACK

Eyes: GREEN

Disabilities: DYSLEXIA, ADHD

Family: Sally Blofis (Formerly Jackson), Mother - ALIVE

Paul Blofis, Step Father - ALIVE

Estelle Blofis, Maternal Half Sister - ALIVE

Gabe Ugliano, Step Father - MISSING

BIOLOGICAL FATHER UNKNOWN

Education: GOODE HIGH SCHOOL - EXPELLED

YANCY ACADEMY - EXPELLED

...6 OTHER EXPULSIONS

Abilities/Weapons: CLASSIFIED

Other Info: Was involved in a nation-wide manhunt at 12 years old; Pushed class into shark tank; Blew up school bus with colonial cannon; Flooded an Aquarium; Seen traveling Greece with six other teens after missing three months of school (wasn't reported missing by parents);Suspected abilities; Was seen at Brooklyn Bridge explosion

Fury sighed. Just great. Another troublemaker to give him a headache. And what was with the Classified stamp? Nothing is classified to the director of the company who created the file, so why was this?

Deciding to put it off for further thought, and steeling himself over again, Fury gave his orders to Agent Hill, "Find him. Bring him in for questioning. Don't make a scene."

They were simple orders in themselves, but Fury knew better than to expect everything to go smoothly. Any second grader could figure out that Perseus Jackson was not one to do things smoothly. Hell, it would be a miracle if they even got the chance to talk to the kid before he did some crazy stunt that would most likely get someone hurt. That's just how Fury's luck was.

"Understood, sir. I'll let you know when we have him in custody," Hill answered before briskly striding out the office door.

Fury sighed once she was gone, running a hand over his face. With nobody watching, he could truly let the stress on the inside seep into the outside. It wasn't just this one case either, there had been a couple other bombings popping up around the US, and they weren't any closer to finding the source. All they knew about them was that they were connected and that they were seemingly random attacks. Add finding Jackson to the mix and his mind was about ready to implode.

But unfortunately, the director of SHIELD didn't have time for breaks, so he went back to work on the multitude of information residing on his desk.

Ω ♆ Ω

Percy and Annabeth were back at home, which was currently the Blofis apartment, and they were enjoying every minute of it. With his sister Estelle around, there was always something to do. Percy absolutely adored his sister. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. Just another side effect of his fatal flaw.

He hadn't told his mother or Paul what had happened during their trip, not wanting to worry them, but he had given Annabeth the simple explanation when he got back. He made sure to stress that he had been discreet, so she had eventually given up the interrogation. That's why it was such a surprise when they were sent a visitor not a week later.

When it happened, Percy was playing with Estelle in the living room while Annabeth studied in their room. Even though she had graduated from high school early, and they weren't due to start at New Rome University for several months, she insisted on keeping up with her studies. He, on the other hand, couldn't have cared less about school. The only reason he was going to college was so he could stay near Annabeth.

Sally was cooking lunch in the kitchen, and Paul was at work. There wasn't much the man could do for the case of Percy's expulsion from Goode, but he still worked there as an English teacher. And Percy used the powers of being a savior of Olympus to get a diploma for himself from the gods anyway. Annabeth still made him study sometimes, but he figured it was the least he could do after practically giving his girlfriend a heart attack when he announced he wasn't planning on finishing mortal high school.

Just as he was about to let Estelle win their game of cars, there was a knock at the door. Since his mother was closer to it, Percy didn't feel the need to interrupt his playtime with his baby sister. A year ago, Percy would have bolted to the door to make sure it wasn't a monster, but ever since the end of the Giant War, monsters tended to steer clear of the smell of the sea. Besides Kelli, of course. She was a perpetual nuisance for Percy.

And just as he was about to make his car lose, his mother called him, "Percy! There's someone at the door for you."

He was immediately on alert. The way his mom's voice sounded made it seem like she was trying to warn him, so his mind went straight down monster lane. Gripping Riptide in his pocket, Percy made his way to the front door, trying to act casual, but his muscles were tensed for battle.

"Coming, Mom!" he answered.

What he found was certainly not what he was expecting. Sure, it wouldn't have been a surprise to find that it wasn't obviously a monster, but his eyes weren't completely masked by the Mist. He could still tell when in the presence of something related to the divine, and he most-certainly was not in that moment.

As he got to the door, he noticed that his mom had positioned her body to block the entrance to the apartment. So not a monster, but possibly a threat, he concluded.

"Who's this?" he asked his mom, taking her place in front of the doorway.

"I'm Agent Hill with the FBI, and I have a few questions to ask. Would it be alright if we stepped inside?" the woman introduced herself, flashing a badge.

Percy wished he could have checked the badge's authentication, but his dyslexia prohibited that. He did his best to keep a cool persona as he acted like he could actually read what was on the badge. Given that his mother hadn't made any protests, he passed it off as good enough.

He narrowed his eyes at the agent, assessing her threat level quickly before deciding that saying 'no' would cause more trouble than saying 'yes' and answering with a simple, "Sure."

He and his mom backed away and let the women enter before shutting the door behind them. As the woman walked inside, Percy and his mom shared a silent conversation. He told her to take Estelle to her room and stay with her after alerting Annabeth of their visitor. He was sure that his girlfriend had already figured it out, but better to be safe than sorry.

"Take a seat. Do you want anything to drink?" Percy gestured to the kitchen table and went to grab glasses out of the cupboard.

The woman took a seat before saying, "Some water would be great, thank you."

Percy mentally noted that the woman was keeping a professional front while trying to still be friendly.

After he had gotten the water and sat himself down across from Agent Hill, he said, "You said you wanted to ask some questions. I'm not sure why, though. I haven't done anything."

Hill took a sip of her water before responding, "Well, we are just going over some of our older files and wanted to fill in some blanks on yours. For instance, where were you when you disappeared? We have a record saying you were spotted in Greece."

Percy had been prepared for this question. Annabeth had ingrained it in his head after he had run into his old swim team and had fumbled over an answer. After that, Annabeth had come up with a whole explanation for what seemed like every possible question out there.

So, he quickly answered, "I was with my dad."

He had been told that it was best to answer with short sentences. That way there was less room for confusion. Honestly, he was surprising himself with the calmness he exhibited. Annabeth had suspected he would end up needing her to rescue him if the need for these explanations ever arose.

"I thought you didn't know who your dad was," Hill countered smoothly, gaze becoming almost snake-like.

"We recently connected. He lives in Greece," Percy said.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could make out some blond curls peeking out from the edge of the hallway leading to the bedrooms. His mind let out a sigh at the knowledge that his Wise Girl was here to save him from whatever inevitable mistake he made.

"Ok, then could you please inform me of his name?" Hill asked, "And then maybe we could travel somewhere more private for the rest of my questions."

She could tell that they were being spied on, then. That seemed like a little above the average skill-level of an FBI agent to Percy, but he was just basing his thoughts off of movies, so he wasn't too sure.

Whatever the case, there was no way that he was going to go anywhere with Agent Hill. Here at home, he was on his turf. Wherever he was taken would be unknown territory, and it was common sense to not go into there.

Trying to dodge the name question, he said, "I'm not going anywhere with you without a warrant. I have rights, you know."

He was just saying what sounded right. Honestly, he had slept through US History. He barely knew who the first president was, let alone his constitutional rights.

"Those are irrelevant with probable cause, and we're only going to ask some more questions. I promise that if you come calmly, there will be no record of it anywhere," Hill said, standing up and brushing off invisible dirt from her clothes.

Percy thought about it, he really did...for a whole three seconds. I mean, what would one expect from the most irrational person on the planet?

"Yeah...sorry but I'm not going anywhere with you, especially not calmly," he said, standing up and reaching into his pocket again.

Even though he knew that the Agent was a mortal, and that Riptide would be useless in a fight against her, he still had an instinct to go for his most-trusted weapon when endangered. And in the moment, he felt extremely endangered.

Hill seemed to be trying to inconspicuously reach for her gun, but he saw it. His ADHD had kicked into overdrive, and he was noticing every little movement the woman made. ADHD could come in handy sometimes.

"Mr. Jackson, I highly suggest you stand down and let me take you in. I don't want this to get messy," Hill said smoothly, holding a hand out in a placating gesture.

"Too bad everything I do gets messy," Percy said, trying to simply swipe Agent Hill's legs out from under her, but she jumped over it and threw a punch to his temple, which is swiftly dodged.

Percy may have been taught to never hit girls when he was younger, but when he became a demigod, he learned that a threat could come from anywhere, and more often than not, it came from the female gender (or something resembling a female).

His signature troublemaker smirk made its way onto his face when he realized that this fight was actually something he had to work for. He wasn't arrogant persay, but he knew what he had defeated before, and a simple mortal isn't usually a comparison to them. But he knew better than to underestimate any opponent. Annabeth taught him that one. Speaking of Annabeth, she was still hiding behind the wall, probably waiting until the prime moment to strike. Always the strategist!

Hill and Percy's fight become a fluid motion. Sometimes they got a hit in, but most of the time it was a game of defend and retaliate. Nobody had the upper hand...yet.

Percy may be better at swordsmanship, but it wasn't like he was completely ignorant to hand-to-hand combat. He knew some stuff, including how to feint and attack. Blame Luke for that one.

So, Percy used the technique. He wasn't actually expecting it to work, considering the obvious skill level of the agent he was fighting, but maybe a simple trick was just the thing he needed to knock her off her game. Even so, when he feinted a punch to her temple, just to pull back and knee her in the stomach, he didn't stop in shock. He let his adrenaline guide him into pulling the woman into a headlock that even Tyson, with all his cyclops strength, would have trouble getting out of.

Hill pulled at his arm a couple times before giving up on that strategy and trying another one: talking, "You know, Perseus, this little display makes it really hard for me to believe you're innocent. In case you haven't noticed, you're holding a federal agent in a headlock."

Percy grip barely loosened, but his determination to defy the agent's questions lessened. She was right. What makes her think that he's one of the good guys if he fought another one of them? Nothing, that's what. Because of this, he let out a large sigh, making eye contact with Annabeth (who's eyes widened in realization and shock), and released Agent Hill. He knew that she had manipulated her, but he also knew that what she had said was true.

As soon as Hill was out of his hold, she turned around while simultaneously pulling her gun out and pointing it at Percy, chest heaving for breath, "Don't move! Get on your knees and put your hands behind your head."

Percy complied, but he could see Annabeth finally slipping into the light, ready to fight off the woman arresting her boyfriend. He met her eyes and tried to convey his thoughts, but she ignored him, instead opting to go ballistic on Agent Hill.

"What do you think you're doing?! Let him go!" she yelled and grabbed Percy as Hill cuffed Percy with some seriously high-tech handcuffs and tried to pull him to his feet.

Hill kept a steel face as she shoved Percy towards the door, "He assaulted a federal agent. I have probable cause."

All of the noise had pulled Sally out of her hiding spot in her daughter's room. Once she saw what was happening, she joined Annabeth in protest. Percy just really wanted them to let it happen. Better it be him than anyone else.

"Mom, Annabeth, let me go. I'll be fine, I promise." Percy said, eyes pleading as they reached the front door.

Annabeth scoffed, eyebrows furrowing, "Like that means anything!"

"Mom, let me go. I'll be fine," After saying that to his mother, Percy turned to Annabeth, "Tell my cousins what's going on. They can help."

He prayed that she understood what he was trying to say. He wanted her to tell their demigod friend's what happened to him, and then they could help her with whatever plan she comes up with. Knowing Annabeth, she already had a plan, though, so there was no doubt in his mind that she had understood what he was insinuating.

Annabeth hesitated before giving him a curt nod. Hill took that as her signal to tug him out the door, but before he was completely gone, Annabeth grabbed his face in her hands and gave him a kiss. They were deepening it as the Agent once again pulled him away. Annabeth and his mom's worried faces followed him until he was inside the elevator, heading down to the lobby.

On the ride down, his entire body tensed up as flashbacks from the Doors of Death shot through his mind. Usually, he could push them away when Annabeth was there with him, but the stress of the previous hour was weighing on his mind, so it became difficult. Hill seemed to think that he was going to try to resist again, so she pulled out her gun again, aiming at his side. For the first time, Percy noticed that the gun looked a little odd; it was glowing blue. Then, before he could react, Hill pulled the trigger and the last thing Percy saw before he blacked out was blue liquid seeping out of his side.

Ω ♆ Ω

How was it? Let me know in the comments! As always, like, follow, and reblog pls!! Thank you to my amazing beta reader, nightskywithrainbows on Ao3! This would suck without you! Go check out their writing!

- your author

other chapters :)

#pjo #heroes of olympus #the avengers #mcu #percy jackson and the olympians #fanfic #writing #superheroes #team up #I don't know what other tags to put so here is a super long one

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danijimenezv · 4 years

Text

I Know My Worth

Prompt: “If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”

Pairing: Clint Barton x reader

Warnings: Sexism, misogyny, slight abuse of power, low self-esteem, confidence problems, insults and mean remarks, medical emergencies, a few gross descriptions, swear words.

Word Count: 7968 words (oops, I got a bit carried away, sorry!)

A/N: Happy late International Women’s Day to all my fellow females out there! This was my entry for @captain-kelli’s Strong Women-themed 500 Fam Writing Challenge. It’s set prior to the first Avengers movie, when S.H.I.E.L.D. was still a thing. This turned out to be personal for me because it shows my own experience at becoming a veterinary doctor, most of them are examples I had to live myself, so please be kind with it. Also, everything in here is from what I know about medicine in animals, but I can’t be completely sure it also applies to people, so excuse my mistakes!

Being a medical student wasn’t easy, that was something you learned the hard way. It was late nights, crappy eating habits and stressful situations; your time stops being your own, having to prioritize most of your life, and most times you have to give up a lot. It was a marathon, not a sprint. All of that added to the fact that the whole environment was toxic, where egos clashed constantly, everything turned into a competition and asking for help was seen as a weakness. Now, as if that didn’t sound awful enough, being a medical student as a female was even harder. In a man’s world, medicine was no exception to sexism. Male students were praised, while female students were constantly doubted and made fun of, with remarks that ranged from their physical appearance to their capacities. For instance, girls were usually questioned about being able to take critical decisions in the ER when required, while no one ever implied that a guy was incapable of that.

Things didn’t change much once you graduated. It was difficult for most doctors to gain visibility and recognition once out of medical school, but it was even harder and more complex for women. Male doctors were constantly recognized worldwide for their feats, while female doctors mostly remained in the dark. Even as doctors, women have been known to have to fight for everyone around to take them seriously, having to work extra hard, go the extra mile, to be heard and recognized as they should.

Y/N Y/L/N was one of them. She had a love for medicine and a passion for helping people that made her great for a doctor. She had worked really hard throughout college and afterwards, which landed her a great position at the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division, as one of their field medics. The problem? She was the only woman in the medical team, and the head doctor didn’t take well to that change.

Her nightmare began the very first moment she arrived at the facility. She had just gotten there when she saw a man on the floor, and she hurried to get to his side, immediately getting into doctor mode. She dropped her bag open by her side in case she needed her instruments, and proceeded to determine what was wrong with him.

“What’s going on here?” another doctor rushed forward, ignoring the small group of people already gathering around them.

“I don’t know, he was already on the floor when I arrived.” she explained, “Pulse is weak, he’s hypotensive. He also shows signs of low blood oxygen saturation, cyanosis and acute dyspnea.”

“What else, newbie?” he demanded in a harsh tone.

Y/N examined the man one more time to see if she had overlooked an important detail, before deciding to take out her stethoscope to auscultate, “No lung expansion on his left side.”

“Bring me the bag mask.” he ordered to someone else and they rushed away.

“Could be a hemothorax.” Y/N responded confidently, “He could have an internal hemorrhage in the pleural cavity. He needs a thoracentesis right now to drain the thorax or he’ll suffocate.”

“Then get out of the way and let the real doctors do the work.”

“I have what I need here with me, you can’t afford to wait until they bring you a scalpel and a chest tube, it has to be now.”

“If you fail, this agent’s life is on you.” the doctor barked angrily.

Y/N took a scalpel out of her bag and exposed the man’s side of his ribcage. She made a clean incision and pushed the tube inside. A second later, the liquid started to drain out of the man’s chest. Slowly, the agent’s respiration began to normalize, allowing him to breathe and get some much needed oxygen into his lungs.

“Doctor Rivera, Doctor Tate, get Agent Hall ready for surgery. He won’t be stable for long.”

“Yes, boss.” the other two responded and sprung into action.

The senior doctor then turned to Y/N, “Clear liquid, obviously not a hemothorax.”

“Pleural effusion. But it was still liquid compressing the lungs and he still needed the thoracentesis, whether the liquid was bloody, purulent or clear.”

“I still don’t trust your examination because I wasn’t there to see it, but your incision was horrible. You do know you have to make the incision at the fifth intercostal space anterior to the mid axillary line, right? Not the sixth nor the fourth. And you have to make a clean cut, not slice every layer individually.”

“Wait, I’m pretty sure I did make the single cut at the fifth space.” she defended herself.

“And to top it all, you seem to have a knack for talking back to your new boss.”

That made her freeze in her place, as Y/N finally realize who she was talking to, “You’re Doctor Blaine Fowler. I’m so sorry, sir.”

“I knew we shouldn’t have admitted you in here, a girl straight out of med school, but Fury insisted. Your recommendation letters were remarkable.”

“Thank you, sir-”

“It wasn’t a compliment, those mean nothing to me. See, you might’ve been a decent enough student, but let’s get something clear, you are not a decent doctor, got it?”

It was the first low blow in a long line of insults to come, to which she simply hung her head low and muttered a soft “Sorry, sir…”

“Listen here, newbie, you have been here all of half an hour, I’ve been in charge here for longer than you’ve been studying, so don’t get any ideas. Things here are done the way I deem it correctly. And I won’t have a young, barely-doctor girl disrupting my work, okay? You work under my mandate now, be sure to behave as such.”

“Yes, sir…”

That first day was the start of a complicated work relationship that only seemed to worsen for her.

*****

A couple of months into the job, things hadn’t changed much. When she was on duty alone, things weren’t as difficult. Y/N could make the decisions she thought right with no one criticizing her every move, without her boss breathing down her neck, waiting for her to make a mistake. However, Fowler was still her boss, which meant he controlled what procedures she could be included in, which weren’t many. He preferred to pick any of the other male doctors before her, and he usually had her do easy tasks, as if she wasn’t capable of doing more than that.

It happened when Fowler wasn’t around, which considerably lessened her anxiety levels. It was while she was processing a few blood samples that she heard a commotion approaching. She exited the lab just in time to see two agents practically dragging a third one. They left a blood trail on the floor while they looked around desperately.

“What happened?” Y/N made her way to them.

“Where are the real doctors?” the one on the left spoke harshly.

Translation: the male doctors.

“Shut up, asshole. She’s a real doctor.” the one in the middle, the injured one, groaned out, focusing his blue eyes on her.

Y/N had seen him around, but she had never really interacted with him before until that moment. His remark, while quite simple, still surprised her. After all, she didn’t only fight for her boss and colleagues to take her seriously, but also with some of the patients that for some reason felt safer with other doctors. She smiled at him gratefully, before examining him slowly. His dirty blonde hair was glued to his sweaty forehead, his breathing hard and labored as he clearly tried to ignore the pain, while one of his hands was pressing on his bloodied torso.

“He was near an explosion, and some of the shards hit him.” the man on the right informed, casting her an uncertain look but not quite as against her as the first man had been.

“We have to get you to a room. I’ll have to pull out the shards with tweezers and then evaluate if you need stitches and then bandage.”

“Where’s Dr. Fowler?”

“Not here. I’m the doctor on call today.”

“Think you can help me, Doc?” the guy smirked cheekily despite being in obvious pain.

“Come on.” she tried him from the other two agents, to get him to a room quickly, but the other two took a few steps away, “Agents, I need to take him in order to fix him up.”

“We’ll take him and go with you.”

“With all due respect, I work better without an audience.”

“Why? Otherwise you can’t concentrate? A few stitches that hard for you?”

“No, but just so I don’t have to listen to your idiotic comments.” Y/N snapped, getting irritated, “Agent…?”

“Barton.” the dirty blonde man offered.

“Agent Barton has to be treated quickly, and you’re not letting me do my job.”

“You heard the lady, Rodríguez.” Agent Barton said, “I’m going with her.”

“Barton, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Get your head out of your ass, Carson.” he let out a growl, “She’s the doctor here, she’s the boss. What she says, goes. It’s not that hard to understand, idiots.”

“Don’t you want to wait until another doctor arrives? Another one must be around.”

“No, I’m fine with her. And honestly, you’re lucky I’m bleeding out here on the floor, because I’d be a few seconds away from kicking your ass.”

The two agents left him with Y/N hesitantly, and it was clear they still didn’t trust she was capable of stitching him up, but Y/N didn’t stay to fight with them any longer. She wasn’t going to be able to change their minds anyway, and she was losing important seconds that she could use on her patient, so she turned around and lead Barton to the consultory. As soon as he laid down on the cot, she got to work, putting gloves on and getting everything she needed.

“Please tell me you have your tetanus vaccine up to date.”

“I think so.” Clint shrugged.

“Okay, good.”

Barton reclined back, letting his head rest tiredly, and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain, but opened them once again when he felt her looming over him. Y/N worked silently but efficiently, having everything ready in barely a minute. She proceeded to create a tourniquet above his wound with a belt, trying to lessen the bleeding.

“Agent Barton, this might hurt.” she warned him kindly, holding the antiseptic up so he could see what she meant.

“You can call me Clint.” he tried to smile at her, but probably ended up wincing, judging by her answer.

“It’s okay, you’ll be alright soon, I promise.”

Clint hissed as soon as he felt the stinging sensation on his torso and clenched his jaw a few times. The doctor cleaned the wound, gently so she wouldn’t get any of the shards deeper than they already were, and wiped away the blood so she could see what she was dealing with.

“How much does it hurt?” she asked gently as she took the injection of lidocaine in her hand.

“A lot. I might die.”

“You won’t die, Agent Barton.” she rolled her eyes in amusement, “It doesn’t look like any of the shrapnel hit anything vital. It looks superficial. Though, I’ll conduct an ultrasound afterwards to make sure.”

“I told you, you can call me Clint.”

“Clint.” Y/N tried out the nickname and changed the subject, trying to distract him from what she was about to do, “Um, thank you, for standing up for me.”

“I shouldn’t have to. I’ve seen the way they treat you, and it’s unfair.”

“You’ve seen it? How?”

“I’m just really observant.” Clint shrugged in dismissal and looked at her seriously, “Why don’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s pointless. And if I talk back to Fowler, he’ll have me on cleaning duty instead of doing medical procedures.”

“You’ll have to face him eventually.”

“I can’t, Clint. Even if I want to, I can’t. My job is on the line.”

Y/N took the tweezers and began taking out piece by piece, starting with the smallest ones so there wouldn't be additional blood covering her view. She tugged at the shards with precise movements, trying to be as gentle as possible with him. Clint closed his eyes and waited for her to be done, prepared for the pain, though it never came.

“Fury wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Fury isn’t my boss, Fowler is. And I know Fowler answers to Fury, but Fury doesn’t usually get involved in the medical area.” she sighed, working the needle through the wounds, stitching him up, “Believe me, if there was something I could do, I already would’ve.”

“It’s not right.” he mumbled, “Doc, don’t let them walk all over you.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“My name is Y/N.” she smiled at him, bandaging him quickly, “Ready.”

“You’re done?!” Clint opened his blue eyes and looked at her in bewilderment, and then down at his bandaged torso, “I didn’t even feel anything.”

“Because I gave you a local anesthetic.”

“Well, that’s new.” he commented, “They usually don’t use that on us.”

“The point of an anesthetic is to reduce the patient’s pain.” Y/N said obviously, “If I can help with that, then I’m sure as hell going to use it. I really don’t get why they wouldn’t.”

“And that alone makes you a graeter doctor than all of them together.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“You are. Not because you used the anesthetic on me, but because you care about the patient above anything else.”

Y/N didn’t answer him, but instead smiled at him gratefully. He had just met her, and still, Clint had been about the only one who had trusted her, who had believed in her.

*****

Since then, a beautiful friendship started to form between Y/N and Clint. He didn’t come back as a patient, but as a friend instead. When he wasn’t busy on missions, he dropped by the medical bay constantly, either to check up on her or simply to keep her company. He made sure she was eating at the right hours, drinking the necessary amount of water and taking breaks so she wouldn’t bury herself in work. He also was a welcoming distraction from the nightmare that was having to deal with her boss and colleagues.

That day, though, Clint hadn’t dropped by. She was in her office alone, catching up on some reading she needed to do, when another emergency hit. She rushed out of her office and ran through the place until she found her colleagues, who were rolling a gurney and probably heading to the OR for an emergency surgery.

“Out of the way, Y/L/N.” Fowler snapped, pushing her aside.

“What happened to her?”

“Acute liver failure, she needs to be admitted into surgery.” another doctor informed.

“Wait a second, you can’t operate on her!”

Fowler and the rest of the doctors stopped the gurney and stared at her mockingly, causing her to look down with her cheeks heating up.

“And why on Earth do you think we shouldn’t operate on her?”

“She’s decompensated-”

“Because of the liver failure, keep up, Doctor Y/L/N.”

“I get that, but did you stop to look at her medical records?”

“That’s the last thing you should be thinking in such a critical-”

“She’s hemophiliac!” Y/N shouted in frustration, “If you operate on her right now, in her state, she’ll bleed out on your operations table.”

“And if we don’t operate on her she’ll die anyway.”

“Fowler, think about it.” Y/N begged him, “You’re operating for a liver failure. If you by proximity happen to touch her spleen, you can cause an erythrocyte sequestration, and with her hemophilia, it could be critical and she’ll end up dead in record time.”

“Y/L/N, are you that incapable of making critical decisions that you even question our decisions?”

“That’s not it…” she sighed softly.

“I have a team of very capable doctors with me, we can handle it.”

“Her body can’t.”

“I want you out of here, Y/L/N. I won’t let you interfere with this.”

With a frown but firm determination, she stormed out of there and ran through the whole division, looking for that specific person. Y/N found him in the middle of training with Natasha Romanoff, but she didn’t care, she still barged into the room, making both of them stop and look up at her.

“Agent Romanoff.” she nodded respectfully before turning to Clint, “Clint, I need you.”

“What’s up, sweetheart?”

“You’re an O negative, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s an emergency. Agent Levi is being rolled into surgery right now for acute liver failure. But she’s hemophiliac, she’s an O negative as well, and she can only receive blood from another O negative. Fowler is just focusing on the emergency surgery, not the critical cares he needs to have for her condition.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Can you donate blood to her?”

“Lead the way.” Clint nodded decisively.

“I’m so sorry for the interruption, Agent Romanoff.” Y/N started to say, but Natasha raised a hand in dismissal.

“Don’t sweat it, Doctor Y/L/N. Go save lives.”

Y/N urged Clint into her office, getting the bags for the blood and the needle. She made a tourniquet on his arms and touched his arm gently, assessing his vein.

“I’m really sorry, I wouldn’t be asking this of you if I didn’t think it was an emergency.”

“Y/N, you’re the doctor here.” he reassured her, “You do what you have to do.”

“Okay.” she took a deep breath, trying to calm her shaking hands, “Agent Barton, have you eaten something in the last four hours?”

“No.”

“Do you have a disease of any kind?”

“No.”

“Have you suffered from Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, HIV-AIDS, Syphilis or another chronic illness that should be taken into account?”

“Nope.”

“Do you have multiple sexual partners?”

“Why do you want to know, sweetheart?” he smirked at her, and Y/N’s cheeks heated up in betraying as she finally realized what she had just asked him, “If you wanted a piece of this, you only had to ask.”

“I swear, it’s a routinary question for blood donors.” Y/N defended, looking around awkwardly as her heart raced with the incredibly pleasing image he had just put in her mind.

“The answer is no, in case you also wanted to know for yourself.” he chuckled, seeing her fluster, “I already have my eye on a single someone.”

However, Y/N tried to not let herself dwell on that bit of information. She already attributed her crush on him to the fact that Clint seemed to be the only one around who believed in her, who didn’t try to diminish her. She didn’t want to make it worse by focusing on it.

“Okay…” she drawled out, trying to place her attention again on the matter at hand instead of her feelings, “Have you received any organ transplants?” he shook his head, “Suffered from epilepsy, tuberculosis, severe cardiac disease or cancer?” he signalled no again, “Have you consumed alcoholic beverages, narcotics, or any intravenous or inhaled drugs in the last 12 hours?”

“Also no.” Clint raised an eyebrow, “Did I pass your test?”

“Yes, you can officially be a blood donor.”

Y/N extracted his blood as quickly and efficiently as possible, and once done, placed the bags in a small icebox. Then she went to the storage room and got all the medications she thought were needed. After telling Clint to wait for her in her office, she headed to the operating room. Fowler had already gone inside, but another doctor was just outside getting ready to assist him.

“Rivera.” Y/N called for his attention.

“What do you want, Y/L/N? I thought Fowler told you to get lost.” she pushed the icebox in his face, “What is this?”

“Agent Barton’s O negative blood. Agent Levi will need a continuous blood transfusion during the surgery. I also took, from another sample, adequate quantities of clotting factor concentrates, it should also be enough for the post-operative coverage.” she then took a few syringes from her pocket, “This is desmopressin, it can raise the coagulation factors levels to control the bleeding in case you need it. Only use it if Agent Levi gets hypotensive. If you decide to use the desmopressin, do not give her any NSAIDS or opioids. The pain should be managed with celecoxib or meloxicam, or you can use a combination of paracetamol with codeine or tramadol.”

“Why are you giving me the credit for this?”

“I don’t care about the credit.” Y/N huffed indignantly, “The patient’s life is more important than being right, even if I want to rub it in Fowler’s face.”

And it was true. Even if she later had to bear with Fowler praising Rivera for his quick thinking and precaution, if the patient was okay, she didn’t care much.

Rivera chuckled softly, “That’s impressive, Y/L/N.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Just make sure Fowler doesn’t kill Agent Levi, make sure she survives.”

Doctor Rivera nodded respectfully at her for the first time and headed into the OR. Y/N smiled in relief and finally slowed down her pace as she made it back to her office, where Clint was patiently waiting for her.

“Why aren’t you in surgery?”

“Because Fowler wasn’t gonna let me inside, even if I were the only doctor available.”

“Then who is giving Agent Levi my blood?”

“Doctor Rivera.”

“Why did you give him the credit for your quick thinking?” Clint huffed in annoyance.

“Because no matter who assisted Fowler in that surgery, Agent Levi needed the blood. I know I was right, I know I did the right thing. But as long as Agent Levi gets well, that’s all that matters.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I get that. But they won’t see you for the doctor you are unless you let them know.”

“You know I can’t do that.” she sighed, plopping down on the chair next to him, “I could find the cure for cancer, and they would never see it.”

Clint extended his arm to take her hand in his, squeezing it gently and rubbing soft circles on her skin, “They all will see it soon, I promise. You deserve that.”

“Clint.” Y/N calmed him, squeezing his hand back, “As long as the patients are getting what they need, I don’t need it. Yeah, it would be nice, but I care more about the patients. And if I have to let another doctor take credit for a win, then I will, as long as the patient is okay.”

Clint stared at her in pure amazement, his chest blooming with pride.

“Come on, Barton. Let’s get some glucose into your body.” she winked at him, “Doctor’s orders.”

He was definitely in trouble; he was falling for her, and he was falling hard and fast.

*****

Another day, another commotion. They were simply eating sushi in her office, hanging out, when they heard it outside. Y/N immediately sprung from her seat, offering Clint an apologetic smile, before heading out, and Clint followed after her, but they didn’t get too far, before they came face to face with two agents. Instead, they cleared the path for them and lead them into her office.

“What happened?” she asked as one agent dragged another one into the room. Both of them looked like hell; the more stable one had a few cuts down his arms and dried blood on his uniform, while the other one seemed to be in a worse condition, barely responsive.

“He was poisoned.” the agent dropped his partner on the cot, letting Y/N examine him as quickly as possible.

“He’s got dyspnea, mydriasis and ptyalism. I don’t see any visible rash or irritation around the mouth. Was it injected or ingested?”

“Either way, be prepared to induce vomiting.” Fowler walked into the room, focusing his piercing gaze on her, “Quick, Y/L/N, which emetic would you use for that purpose?”

“Apomorphine or emetine, but I wouldn’t use an emetic, sir.” she was quick to say.

“Why not?”

“We don’t know which poison was, it could be caustic and with an emetic it could burn down his anterior digestive tract. Also, he hasn’t displayed tremors nor seizures, so I think it’d be better to proceed with a gastric lavage.”

“And I suppose you have the exact antidote, don’t you?” he mocked.

“Well, no, but-”

“Get the emetic ready, Doctor Tate.”

“But sir, the induction of vomiting could be counterproductive.” Y/N added, “It could cause seizures, hypoxia, and severe depression or even induce coma.”

“Y/L/N!” Fowler yelled in anger, making her jump startled, “I don’t need you here to recite the textbook. Practicing medicine isn’t just evaluating symptoms, it’s a whole.”

“I know, but it could be more dangerous-”

“Don’t interrupt me. It’s very rare that the actual cases align perfectly with what you have memorized. And no matter how much time you spent preparing to become a doctor, you’re likely to encounter some things you never anticipated on the job. That’s what being a doctor is. If you’re not ready for that, the door is right there.”

Y/N was left standing there, opening and closing her mouth like a gaping fish.

“Fowler.” Clint growled in warning.

“No, he’s right.” Y/N mumbled like an scolded child.

She retreated to the back of the room, letting the other doctors conduct the procedures Fowler ordered. Clint immediately went after her and pulled her in a huge hug. He felt a few tears soaking through his shirt, but he knew better than to comment on it.

Clint hated everything about her situation. He had been close to shooting Fowler every time he had seen him bring her down like that, and he felt compelled to do it right at that moment. But Fowler could be dealt with, the other doctors could be dealt with. The worst part was that Y/N had started to believe what they told her. She tried not to let it show, but it was obvious it affected her.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for this…”

“Like hell you aren’t.” Clint pulled back so he could stare into her eyes, “Not all doctors can agree on a single course of action. You had your reasoning behind your suggestion, and it sounded damn good to me.” she didn’t seem to be listening to his words, “Y/N, you’re a fucking amazing doctor. I’m proof of that. I’m still here, aren’t I? And that’s thanks to you.”

“I don’t know, Clint…”

“Well, I do know.” he insisted.

“Thanks…” she whispered shyly, before hastily wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape from her eyes, “I hope you’re right…”

*****

Much to Clint’s anger, it kept happening more frequently. He watched as her voice got silenced time and time again, how her intellect was downplayed, how her confidence in her abilities was burned to the ground.

“Y/N?” he called yet again; he had been looking for her for the previous half an hour, not having found her in her office or around, “Where are you?”

Another half an hour passed before he finally found her. She was seating on the floor, in the less known part of the Division, probably so she wouldn’t be bothered, as not many people were around there.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” he started, before noticing that she didn’t move an inch, not even when she heard him, “Sweetheart?”

Clint crouched in front of her, placing two fingers below her chin and raising her face so he could look at her. Her cheeks were tear-stained, and her usually bright eyes were red and puffy, with more fresh tears making her way down her face.

She took in a shaky breath as she turned her head to free herself of his grip, “Go away, Clint.”

He knew what she was doing; she was pushing him away because she felt vulnerable, but he wasn’t going to allow her to do that, he wanted to be there, and he sure as hell was going to stay there with her.

“That’s not an option.” he took a seat by her side, “What happened?”

She stayed quiet for several seconds, ignoring his question. Or maybe pondering whether to tell him or not. Either way, Clint felt the need to repeat it. He hated seeing her like that, and he wanted to do everything in his power to make it better for her. Just as he opened his mouth, she beat him to it.

“A patient died. They couldn’t save him.”

Clint shut his eyes and winced, finally understanding. Every death was hard, he knew that, he had dealt with that ugly aspect of being a part of S.H.I.E.L.D., but he had never really stopped to think how it was for a doctor. They knew their patients, they saw everything happening, they had human lives on their hands. Losing them had to be like losing a part of themselves, Clint thought.

“He died of anaphylaxis.” she scoffed as if she couldn’t believe the situation, “He said he was allergic to diclofenac. I tried to suggest the use of a glucocorticoid like beclometasone, but Fowler said to administer instead a combination of indomethacin and ketorolac at the right doses.”

“Sweetheart, I wish I could understand what you’re saying…” he wiped a few tears away delicately and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

“All of them are NSAIDs.” she explained bitterly, “The patient was allergic to NSAIDs in general, not only diclofenac.”

“But that’s not your fault.”

“I got the injection ready for them to administer it, Clint. I should’ve changed the medications, but I didn’t. And because of that, he died of an anaphylactic shock.”

“You can’t save everyone, Y/N.”

“You know, everybody keeps repeating that to me, ever since medical school; I’ve had enough of that. I have to at least try to save everyone. But here, they’re not even letting me try.” she complained, “I can’t do anything here. I feel so impotent…”

Clint didn’t know what else to say. Probably because he knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better. That situation was hard enough, and it added to the fact that Fowler already had her doubting if she was cut out to be a doctor. So instead of talking, he just held her for what felt like hours, he held her while she sobbed for as long as she needed. He kept whispering sweet nothings and encouraging words in her ear, holding her close to him. When she finally managed to calm herself down, she snuggled even closer to Clint, feeling clingy, but knowing he wouldn’t mind.

“Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me.” Clint said seriously, cupping her cheeks gently, “I know you don’t feel like you’re cut out for this, but you’re so wrong. You always feel the need to justify why you’re here and how you got here, and you don’t have to. You just need to learn how to own up to your talent. You need to see yourself for the doctor you are, not the doctor Fowler is making you out to be.”

“I just…”

“I know it’s gonna be hard.” Clint added, “But please, do it for me. I need you to see yourself the way I see you.”

Y/N nodded timidly, first with hesitation and then more firmly, though before she could say anything, she found herself getting lost in his blue eyes. Words got stuck in her throat as he returned her stare with the same electric energy, looking down from her eyes to her lips and back again. They had no idea who leaned in first, but it was obvious both of them felt the exact same pull towards the other. Y/N felt Clint’s breath over her lips, causing shivers to run down her spine in anticipation. Clint wasn’t as unaffected as he later tried to tell Natasha, feeling goosebumps all over his skin at her closeness. Though, before either of them could make the decisive move, they heard a clattering noise somewhere nearby, causing them to jump apart from each other. Clint groaned in frustration while Y/N smiled with blazing cheeks, chuckling to ease the tension.

“We better get going, before we both get in trouble for not being at work.”

“Technically we’re still at work.” he answered cheekily.

“At work but not working.” Y/N pointed out.

“Fine.” he drawled out dramatically, “Let’s go.”

“Thank you.”

“But first, let’s get some food in you. Doctor’s orders.” he teased.

“You’re not a doctor.” she complained playfully, smacking his arm but still following after him.

*****

Y/N finally snapped a few months later.

It was long overdue, and yet, most of them didn’t see it coming; she had let them walk all over her so much that they never expected her to explode like that. But this time, it was personal.

She was late, which usually wasn’t a big deal for her since her involvement in the medical procedures was limited to whatever her boss wanted at the moment. Though, instead of being welcomed by the usually empty halls, the place was swarmed with people. Frowning, she picked up her pace and followed the sounds until she saw her colleagues arguing with someone else, while the rest of people limited themselves to watch the conflict. As she got closer and made her way through the crowd she noticed it was Natasha. For any stranger, it would’ve looked as if she was keeping her calm, but all of them knew better; she wasn’t yelling but she had that dangerous glint in her eyes.

“Miss Romanoff, with all due respect, you should let the experts make that decision. What you’re asking for, we simply can’t indulge you in that. It wouldn’t be right.”

Their statement showed the truth of the situation; it wasn’t really respect, it was fear. They were afraid of her, and with good reason, but they still didn’t take what she was saying into consideration. Natasha noticed all of that, and she was close to losing it.

“Fowler, I told you. I won’t hand over my best friend unless it is to Doctor Y/L/N, and only her.”

“Then you’re letting your best friend bleed out.”

“What’s going on here?” Y/N asked cautiously, looking between Natasha and her boss.

“Finally.” she muttered.

“Ah, Doctor Y/L/N, nice of you to finally join us.” Fowler scoffed, “Maybe you could deal with Romanoff’s wound while we do the heavy work.”

“Nat, you’re hurt.” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as her eyes posed on her bleeding shoulder, but the redhead stopped her before she could get to her.

“Clint’s worse.” Natasha informed, “He needs you.”

She felt a sickening, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at those words, “Where is he?”

“Still in the Quinjet.”

“What happened?”

“We were ambushed. He got two shots to his abdomen, but they were too deep, so I couldn’t get the bullets out. He’s unconscious, he’s lost a lot of blood. It’s not good, Y/N.”

“Then why the hell hasn’t he been admitted into surgery?!”

“Because it has to be you.” Natasha looked at her seriously, “I only trust you to do it, and Clint asked for you. It has to be you.”

Y/N squared her shoulders, pushing aside her own panic and desperation. For the moment, she needed her focus. Clint couldn’t be her Clint, he had to be just another patient for her to follow through as she needed.

“You.” she pointed to a few nurses who had been watching everything, “Get the operating room and everything else ready.”

“Yes, Doctor Y/L/N.”

“Natasha, bring him in.”

Natasha nodded, smirking arrogantly over at Fowler before leaving to get Clint. Y/N started walking decisively towards the OR, trusting Natasha to bring Clint along soon. The crowd dispersed to let her through, not being used to see her in command. Fowler and a few others followed her.

“I hope you only said that to get rid of her.” Fowler scoffed.

“I didn’t.” she stated firmly.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“You don’t have permission to perform surgery on a high-level agent like Barton.”

“Watch me.” she stopped to look at him defiantly, making him take a step back in surprise, “You heard what Natasha said. It’s a critical condition that requires immediate action, and yet you stood there arguing with her like the five-year old you are, Fowler, when the patient was dying.”

“You’re not operating on Barton, and that’s final.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I haven’t given you the clearance for that, and I won’t do it, so you simply can’t.”

“I don’t need your permission. The patient gave his oral consent, and so did the agent responding for him.”

“You’re not qualified for this.”

“The hell I’m not.” she raised her voice, getting agitated, “Fowler, I’ve had it with you, it’s been enough. I’ve caved in every time you criticize me, I’ve stood back every time you’ve decided something that has been less than ideal for the patient; I even had to watch impotently as a patient died because of your poor decisions. But I’m done with this, I’m done bearing with your stupid ego, thinking that you’re the only one that knows any shit around here, when you don’t. Enough is enough, Fowler. I won’t stand by your incompetence any longer. So either help the nurses prepare the OR or stay out of my way.”

She’d had it. Not only was she tired of everything that had been happening for months, but at that moment, Fowler had struck a nerve: Clint, who was one of the most important people for her. He had overstepped into a sensitive topic. She had seen the way he was with his patients, she wasn’t going to leave Clint in his hands, even if it was the last thing she did at S.H.I.E.L.D. before she got fired.

“A laparotomy is a complicated procedure.” it took him a few moments to overcome the shock of her talking back to him, but after he had recovered, Fowler mocked with a sneer, “And you think you can do it?”

“I know I can.” Y/N replied calmly, “If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”

When Natasha finally arrived with Clint, Fowler put a hand on the gurney, effectively stopping it. Nat glared at him, and she was about to knock him off his ass, but Y/N raised a single hand to appease her, silently telling her friend to let her deal with him.

“Just who do you think you are?!” he barked angrily, “I’m only going to say this once, Y/L/N: step out of the way before you inevitably fuck it up and kill Barton.”

“And I’m only going to say this once: no, I’ll conduct this surgery. You’re wasting my time, and precious time for the patient, so make yourself useful and disappear.” she snapped, “I won’t let you operate on him, and if I have a say, on any other patient here.”

“Well, you don’t have a say.”

“We’ll see about that.” she promised dangerously.

“You’ll regret this!”

“I regret letting you get this far.”

“You’ll be out of a job first thing tomorrow morning.” Fowler threatened her, “And you think anyone’s gonna take you any seriously without a recommendation from your previous boss? You’ll be no one.”

“That’s it.” Natasha hissed in outrage.

“You speak as if you were the greatest mentor ever, as if working for you hasn’t been a nightmare. But guess what, Fowler? I don’t need to rely on you or anyone else. I know the doctor I am, and the doctor I can be, and none of them have anything to do with you. So, go ahead, do your worst. I don’t need your approval, and I definitely don’t need your validation. I don’t need a man to help me achieve anything. I know what I can do. I’m amazing, and I should’ve seen it sooner.” Fowler opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to come up with a reply, “So get lost, Fowler. I have a surgical procedure to perform.”

“What’s going on here?” a deeper voice interrupted, and everyone around stepped back out of respect, letting Nick Fury walk forward.

Y/N hadn’t interacted much with Fury, so she bowed her head respectfully and stayed quiet, letting someone else explain the situation but ready to jump at the chance to explain herself in case anyone decided to lie.

However, Natasha trusted Fury enough to let out just about anything that had been said and done, not only that day, but also before. Though, she recognized that roasting had to wait. The vital thing right then was getting Clint into surgery.

“Clint is in a critical condition, and Doctor Fowler here won’t let Doctor Y/L/N operate on him, when Clint clearly asked for her.”

“And you trust her?”

“I do, Nick.” she nodded solemnly, “So does Clint.”

“And can you do it?” he asked Y/N.

“I can.” she replied with certainty, earning a glare from Fowler.

“Then get to it, Doctor.” Fury ordered.

“Yes, sir.”

“Go, I’ll inform him of everything.” Natasha promised.

With a last nod in their direction, Y/N turned and took the gurney with her, taking an unconscious and barely alive Clint towards the operating room the nurses had gotten ready.

*****

The first thing that Clint recognized as he started regaining consciousness was the brightness behind his eyelids. He kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds, not ready for the intense light. Once he did, he blinked several times to get adjusted to his surroundings. He was in what appeared to be an internment room, connected to multiple machines.

“You’re awake, finally.” a voice called, and he chuckled as he noticed his best friend perked on a seat in front of his bed, “About time.”

“How’s your shoulder?” he asked, his throat feeling the soreness of not being used for who knew how long.

“Better than most of your body, I’d say.” she smirked, “You gave us quite the scare.”

“‘Us’?” Clint frowned, and Natasha signalled to his side, prompting him to turn as well.

That’s when he noticed the other person on the room. Y/N was on the other chair, fast asleep, with her hand entwined delicately with his, as if she had been afraid to even touch him.

“She hasn’t left your side.” Natasha informed him, “And not exactly as your doctor.”

“Did she-”

“Perform the surgery? Yes.” she said triumphantly, “You should’ve seen it, it was epic.”

“I should’ve seen it.” he agreed with her.

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Don’t do that to me again.” Natasha smiled at him, “But I think I better leave you two alone.”

As the great spy she was, she slipped out of the room practically without a sound, and just in time for Y/N to stir awake.

“Clint?” she gasped as her brain processed what she was seeing, “You’re awake.”

Y/N hastily turned to check at the screens, to make sure everything was as it should be, eliciting a soft laugh out of him.

“How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Are you comfortable?”

“Doc.” Clint stopped her, “I’m fine, and I learned it was thanks to you.”

“Don’t thank me, you could’ve died.” her expression darkened, “You were on the table for six hours. It was pretty touch and go for a while. I was so scared I was losing you.”

“You’re gonna need more than a couple of bullets to get rid of me.” he promised light-heartedly.

They talked about everything and nothing at all for a while, just sharing and enjoying their time together. Clint couldn’t help but notice just how right it felt. Being with her came easy to him.

“Fury fired Fowler.” she suddenly said, making him perk up in interest.

“Did he now?”

“Fowler kinda jeopardized your life by not letting me do the surgery. All because the patient was too stubborn and expressed that I was the only one to do it.” she teased, smiling at him.

“I wouldn’t say stubborn.” Clint smiled, “At least it worked. I knew you could do it.”

“And that’s how I knew too.” Y/N stated confidently, “Because you believed in me. You’ve always believed in me, even when no one else did, even when I didn’t believe in myself.”

“And I’ll always be around to believe in you, even if I have to remind you any other time.” he promised, entwining her hand with his and pulling her closer to the bed, “But tell me more about how it happened.”

“I gave him a piece of my mind.”

“Did you, now?”

“Yeah.” she breathed out a laugh, “Full theatrics and all, you would’ve been proud. Maybe I overstepped just a little bit, but I can’t find it in me to regret it. And Nat filled Fury in about everything else that had already happened.”

“It was about time you stood up for yourself, Y/N. And for you to truly believe it, only you could do that.”

“And I have to thank you for that.” Y/N nodded, “You helped me realize that I’m not someone’s puppet, that I’m great on my own. Though, I would’ve preferred if you hadn’t put your life on the line for that.”

“I’d say it was worth it.”

“Not to me. I can’t lose you.”

“And you won’t. But please don’t let anyone else walk all over you. You don’t deserve that.”

“I won’t, never again.” she promised, sounding the more confident he had heard her ever since he met her, “I know my worth now.”

At those words, Clint couldn’t contain himself and pulled her towards him, finally crashing his lips to hers. He had been containing himself for months, but now he didn’t see why. Y/N smiled over his lips before returning the gesture and kissing him back just as fervently. Though, she stopped him before they could get carried away.

“You still have stitches, mister.” she scolded him, “I don’t want you to bust them open.”

“I have you to take care of me for that.” Clint joked, earning a roll of her eyes.

“At least buy me a coffee first.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing for months?” he huffed, “Coffee, burgers, sushi. I’ve tried everything.”

“Well, you’re not very good at asking out on an actual date, then.” Y/N remarked, “I would’ve said yes, you know.”

“You would’ve?”

“Yes. If it wasn’t painfully obvious already, I like you, Clint. I’ve had these feelings for you for a while now.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you, Hawk?”

“Because I didn’t think you returned my feelings, woman.”

“Well, I do, and now you know.”

“Is that an insinuation that I have to ask you out?”

“It would be a good start, yes.” then her voice turned shy, uncertain, “If that’s what you want.”

“If that’s what I-” he scoffed, “Of course it’s what I want.”

“Okay.” she smiled widely, taking his hand in hers, loving the feeling of it.

“What happens now?” Clint changed the subject, “Without Fowler around, I mean. I hated the guy and I hated what he put you through, but he was still the head doctor here.”

“I don’t know, I still have to talk to Fury about what’s to come, but for now, I really don’t care about that. I just want to spend some time with you.”

“Aw, you were worried.” he teased.

“And you’re an idiot.” she rolled her eyes, “But I guess you’re my idiot.”

“Always.” Clint grinned before pulling her to him once again.

*****

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healresolve · 4 years

Text

Lana’s portrayal is a synthesis of the traits she is given in both manga adaptations of FE4′s 2nd generation when compared against older translations of Genealogy. I borrow aspects that appeal to me from all three, but I lean heavily towards Genealogy and Fuyuki for inspiration with Oosawa being the one I draw the least from. The most fundamental traits I envision Lana possessing are Compassion and Insecurity.

The first is demonstrated through her insistence on fighting because she feels just as strongly as the more outspoken Larcei, challenging even Seliph on this. She also reaches out to Julia as the new girl in their already established group. A seasoned healer following in her mother’s footsteps for gameplay reasons, Lana has spent a great deal of time in the infirmary ward helping Adean who instilled in her the deep sense of caring for other people. The second, insecurity, I find is woven throughout her narrative and traceable to multiple sources. Adean, her mother, is widely desired by the men of Jugdral for her beauty and Lana inherits very little by way of appearance.

(Spoiler warning for Belhalla here. At this point most people are aware, but I want to tag it out of courtesy to anyone who does not wish to be spoiled for the Jugdral games.)

Another large factor stems from the fact that Lana feels immense guilt that even one of her parents survived when the same cannot be said for most of the other children raised in Tirnanog who lost them when Arvis executed Sigurd and his troops at Belhalla. Growing up Lana always struggled with having to share to her mother while keenly aware how selfish it was to feel that way. These profound self-doubts endow her with sensitivity towards the feelings of others, but also negatively manifests as jealousy in her relationships, most notably dictating how she interacts with Seliph. While it may get the better of her at times, it never stops Lana from considering the feelings of others which sometimes is at the cost of her own.

Resolve

Lana: “Nuns can fight too, you know. I feel just as strongly about this as Larcei does. The imperial troops are becoming crueler with each passing day. It’s dangerous just to be a girl anymore! But I don’t plan to go down without a fight. I have my own means of warfare!”

Seliph: “I’m sorry, Lana. You’re right. This is everyone’s battle. Alright. We should get going. It’s hard to say how this is going to turn out… But let’s give it everything we’ve got!”

Lana: “Sorry if I got a little outta hand, sir.

Lana is introduced as a stark contrast to her childhood friend Larcei. Larcei pulls no punches from the start and Lana comes across as a timid healer by comparison, but their dialogue makes it clear in no uncertain terms that they are both incensed by House Dozel’s mistreatment of the people of Isaach. She goes as far as opposing Seliph who she deeply respects because once he relents she immediately apologizes.

Fuyuki’s Lana does not hesitate to put herself between an attack meant for Julia.

Compassion

While her brother, Lester, and Diarmuid presumably took up riding from Oifey and the twins, Ulster and Larcei, and Seliph trained with Prince Shannan, Lana did not discover her place among them until feeling her heart ache for the first time after seeing them covered in bruises and scrapes from training. She had originally picked up healing as a way of easing the many burdens on her mother’s shoulder, but the most fulfillment in the fact she could treat the wounds of her dear friends in order to protect them in the future.

For the brief period of time where Lana serves as the group’s only healer, she experienced immense stress from feeling that she had become solely responsible for their lives. When Lewyn introduces Julia, Lana happily welcomes the second healer into the fold and goes out of her way to make sure she’s looked after. This was both for Julia’s own sake and that of Seliph, as she wanted to relieve him of having to worry about something else when the weight of the world had already been heavy on his shoulders.

Wit

Lana to Febail: Hah… I know better than that. I saw all those crying children clinging to you when we were leaving the Manster District. You’re like a father to them, you know.

Almost comically emphasized in the Oosawa manga, Lana and Larcei bounce off each other in many scenes with Lana teasing Larcei over subjects ranging from boys to personal blunders. This side of Lana is present in the game where Lana pokes fun at Febail for posturing as a tough guy too.

Lana’s occasional snark should be considered something reserved for people and places she is comfortable enough with the other person that it would not come across as rude.

Insecurity

Low self-esteem plays a large part in Lana’s speech patterns. This trait is present in all three characterizations of her. Sometimes she wallows over her poor self-image and other times it takes on the form of passive-aggressiveness. Should Seliph marry another girl by the end of the game and Lana remain unpaired, she expresses explicit jealousy and perhaps even resentment towards him for it.

Seliph : Lana...I’m sorry.

Lana : ...

Seliph : Lester said you were angry...

Lana : That’s because you...but it’s all right. I’ll just be going back to Jungby. So, farewell, Sir Seliph.

Lana: Seliph, we’ve just a little more go…

Seliph: Yeah. You’ve meant a lot to me out here, Lana. I really mean that.

Lana: Well, I don’t know if I’ve actually done anything… But I’m content just being by your side.

Seliph: Lana, we go pretty far back, don’t we… I remember us always hanging out as kids.

Lana: Uh-huh. I have so many good memories from back then, but I never thought you and I…

Seliph: But I’ve always liked you, Lana…

Seliph: I know… but it’s just hard for me to accept that, Seliph. I feel so awful to Julia…

Due to low self-esteem, Lana has a tendency to adopt blame even when there is no fault of her own. Her insecurities surrounding her mother and her upbringing make her feel unworthy of standing beside Seliph. That uneasiness does not go away if Seliph confesses to her either because she just finds something else to fixate on. In this instance, she worries that Julia may have also developed feelings for Seliph and cannot bring herself to enjoy the moment.

Closing thoughts

Most Jugdral characters have a handful of lines at best to extrapolate from. Outside sources such as Kaga’s dream scenario and the various FE4 mangas make an effort to flesh out the cast, but this results in characterizations that can be conflicting. Fuyuki’s manga presents Lana as a love interest for Seliph and this heavily influences her interactions with him. Oosawa, on the other hand, depicts a budding romance between Lana and Ulster.

I personally feel that Oosawa’s Lana is too immature to be congruent with her in-game counterpart, but I do like how her sense of humor and quiet wit shine that Fuyuki doesn’t manage to capture. Fuyuki’s Lana does, however, expand on the close relationship Lana has with Seliph. Regardless of whether anything comes of it, Lana’s bitterness towards Seliph if he takes another wife seems to imply closeness in some capacity at one point that just may not have developed in the same direction for him. I feel that Fuyuki stays faithful to the more introverted Lana seen in-game and I prefer this approach.

Nonetheless, I believe there’s value in all three existing for analysis’ sake. It enriches a character that would otherwise have even less to work with and I’m grateful for that. I love that Lana’s faults feel very much in-line with her age group. She has a wealth of interesting dynamics to draw from with every single character that was present in Tirnanog before the liberation efforts took off and honestly writing her gives me the excuse to flex how much I love Adean, haha.

#tbt #// long post #// long text #// the lana analysis no one asked for

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khentkawes · 5 years

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Tony Stark’s overlooked superpower: his self-awareness and the rare ability to admit, honestly and without justification, when he is wrong… and then work towards becoming a better person.

So there’s a lot of “discourse” (or whatever you want to call it) over Tony Stark and whether he takes responsibility for his mistakes. Antis say he needs to step up and take responsibility; the rest of us say that Tony does take responsibility consistently, even when he probably doesn’t need to or when someone else is equally responsible. But the comment from @i-want-to-bethlieve on this post a while back got me thinking (hope you don’t mind me tagging you–didn’t want to derail the original post, but also totally crediting you for getting my brain rolling on this), with the comment that all the characters make mistakes, but only Tony’s mistakes are brought up in the narrative…and Tony clearly can and does take responsibility for his mistakes–in fact, no one else does it more often or more consistently than he does. And even those characters who do express guilt over their mistakes, they don’t fully own them, don’t fully accept the blame, and the narrative doesn’t show them putting in the hard work to atone.

When I first started seriously watching the MCU (right after Thor Ragnarok came out–before that I’d only seen Avengers and Thor…yeah, I was a late-comer to the MCU), I used to say that Tony’s superpower was his ability to admit that he was wrong. And I stand by that.

Seriously, Tony’s ability to repeatedly say, “I was wrong” without justifying his mistakes is a superpower! Because people don’t think about how much strength it takes to admit that you are wrong. Most people can’t do it, even with small things. Don’t believe me? Think about it, seriously think about it in your daily life. You’ll probably realize that it is incredibly rare for any of us to simply say, “I was wrong” without immediately following it with “but I didn’t mean to…” or “but I did it because…” Even simply saying, “I’m sorry” is hard for most people. That’s why people often give halfhearted apologies that are half defensive. “I’m sorry you were hurt, but I didn’t mean it the way you took it!” We’ve all heard or said variations on that. Most of us rationalize and justify and excuse our mistakes, even in the rare instances when we do admit them. And in everyday situations, people will argue over stupid things because they simply don’t want to admit “I was wrong.” People are stubborn that way.

But Tony admits fault and takes responsibility for his actions in pretty much every single movie! He admits he’s wrong immediately when he returns from Afghanistan, without hesitation or rationalization. Let’s break it down:

“I saw young Americans killed by the weapons I had designed to defend them.” [Admission that his previous understanding of the situation was wrong. He thought he was doing good, but was blinded to all of the harm his weapons had done.]

“I realized I had become part of a system with zero accountability.” [Admission that he was part of the problem.]

“And that is why, effective immediately, I will be shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark International.” [Immediately takes steps to correct his mistakes.]

No rationalization. No, “but I thought I was doing the right thing” or “I was just following in my dad’s footsteps” or “other people make weapons too” or “lots of people told me I was doing good!” All of those things are true. But Tony doesn’t use them to rationalize or justify his actions. He doesn’t make excuses or get defensive. He also doesn’t hesitate to begin correcting his mistakes. He shuts down the weapons division. He begins looking into other options. He beings building Iron Man suits to channel his technology into new and better ways to protect people. And then he personally uses the Iron Man suit to liberate and defend Gulmira when it is clear that he hasn’t done enough to stop the destruction his weapons caused.

But that’s just in the first movie, you say? After that he makes more mistakes. Sure, because he’s a human being, and being human is hard. We all make mistakes and personal growth is not linear. There’s backsliding and missteps along the way. But Tony still, consistently, admits when he is wrong and accepts blame when appropriate (and sometimes even when it’s not. The boy has developed a guilt complex now, okay?).

So what about Iron Man 2. Okay, Tony’s apologies and admissions of responsibility are subtler here, but they do happen.

Rhodey: Look, I’m sorry, okay.

Tony: Don’t be.

Rhodey: No, I should have trusted you more.

Tony: I’m the one who put you in this position. Forget it.

Rhodey: No, it’s your fault. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.

Tony: Thank you. That’s all I wanted to hear.

Tony does not dispute that it was his fault. He admits that he put Rhodey in an impossible position. He wants to hear the apology, but he also takes full responsibility for his part in their fight (btw, kudos to them both, since this is a great example of a mature friendship where both admit fault, apologize, and still care about each other, moving forward without holding any grudges at all). And later to Pepper: “Don’t be mad. I will formally apologize when I’m not fending off a Hammer-oid attack.” So Tony knows that he did handle things poorly and he does need to apologize. And later he implicitly takes responsibility for everything with Pepper, admitting that she would be totally justified in quitting: “You deserve better; you’ve taken such good care of me. I’ve been in a tough spot and you got me through it.”

Then we get Iron Man 3, which is all about Tony admitting when he screws up. Repeatedly. From almost scene one on.

Tony to Pepper: “Hey, I admit it! My fault! Sorry. I’m a piping hot mess.” He takes full responsibility for ruining date night, even though Pepper herself was late for date night.

Tony calling Pepper from Tennessee: “Pepper, it’s me. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time. So first off, I’m so sorry I put you in harm’s way. That was selfish and stupid and it won’t happen again. Also it’s Christmas time…the rabbit’s too big. Done. Sorry. And I’m sorry in advance because…I can’t come home yet.” He apologizes for like…everything, but crucially he avoids one of the most common mistakes people make when apologizing: most people apologize for hurting someone but not for their actual actions. But not Tony. He takes responsibility for his selfish, thoughtless, and reckless actions and admits that he was wrong for all of it, promising to do better in the future. Again, no justifications or excuses, just genuine repentance.

And what about CA:CW? “Clearly, I made a mistake. Sam, I was wrong.” And right after this, Tony admits that he and Sam don’t know each other very well. Unlike with Pepper and Rhodey, who Tony trusts because of their long-standing relationships, Tony does not have any reason to believe that Sam will forgive him; admitting he’s wrong to someone who already dislikes him takes an extra measure of vulnerability, but Tony doesn’t even hesitate (I will ignore Sam’s petty “that’s a first” retort because, well, Sam doesn’t know Tony well enough to realize that he has misjudged Tony). Tony had plenty of rational reasons to think that Bucky was responsible for the bombing and everything else, but he doesn’t bring those up as justification for his (again, completely rational) mistaken interpretation of events. He just admits he was wrong and then says he wants to help Steve; he wants to do what he can to fix his mistake. When he gets to Siberia, he says, “maybe your story’s not so crazy.” Basically, he again admits that he was wrong to discount Steve’s concerns and Bucky’s story about other super-soldiers (even though he only doubted it because all evidence pointed against it and because Steve didn’t tell him until the absolute last second possible, which made it look like a last minute excuse for Steve’s actions).

Even before all of that, Tony takes full responsibility for Ultron (“Ultron–my fault”)…even though plenty of other people share responsibility for that: Bruce for helping create it, Wanda for manipulating Tony in the hopes he would “self-destruct” and for actively working with Ultron to enable his destruction, and Thanos who (presumably) programed the mind stone (since the narrative heavily implies that Tony/Bruce failed to create a functional AI and the mind stone actually put the pieces in place on its own, and Thanos implicitly takes credit for the events of the entire movie in the end-credits scene). But yeah. Only Tony admits his share of the blame for Ultron, and by extension, for Sokovia.

All of this just shows that Tony is honest and self-aware, and strong enough as a person to admit his mistakes and face them head on, rather than justifying, excusing, rationalizing, or denying. We don’t really get that from the other heroes: not Bruce, Steve, Thor, Wanda, Sam, Dr. Strange, or even Nick freaking Fury (who, I would argue, has made a fuck ton of mistakes). The closest we get is Bucky admitting “I’m not sure that I’m worth all of this,” Bruce agonizing over the destruction that Hulk causes, Clint’s confession to Natasha that he might not deserve her sacrifice, and Natasha’s comments about “red in her ledger.” But even then, most of those are more examples of self-loathing (in often unhealthy ways) rather than truly admitting fault and taking responsibility for one’s actions in a mature way. Only Natasha really takes responsibility for her actions, as her work with SHIELD and the Avengers is her attempt to do good out of a desire for atonement (the writing for Nat was often pretty poor, so we don’t see this part of her character development very clearly–it’s alluded to repeatedly, but never developed in detail).

The other Avengers do express regrets, but they struggle to take that next step of fully taking responsibility, admitting to other people they are wrong, and doing what they can to correct their mistakes. Sure, Wanda and Steve both felt bad after what happened in Lagos. They both said (privately) they felt like they were at fault. But they weren’t willing to own that and do something about it. In front of everyone else, they offer excuses or say that it’s just the cost of the job...or they don’t admit any fault at all. I don’t necessarily blame them. I probably would do the same. It would have been monumentally hard to come out in a press conference and admit that they made a mistake (though that didn’t stop Tony from doing exactly that way back in Iron Man). But that moment in Civil War is the only time the other Avengers discuss mistakes or blame–and it leads to nothing. Steve struggles with this later too…He always has some justification or explanation for his mistakes, like in his apology letter to Tony. And the “liar” scene in Endgame is further proof. That was the one time when Tony said, “no, this wasn’t my fault. Not this time. It was yours.” And Steve isn’t able to be vulnerable and honestly admit, out loud, that yeah, he was wrong and it was his fault that the Avengers weren’t together. Steve starts to get defensive because he feels personally attacked (which, to be fair, he was). Tony mentions that Thanos is the exact reason he said they needed a suit of armor around the world and Steve says (one of his few lines), “yeah, and how’d that work out?” This is a classic deflection, an act of self-defense when someone feels attacked so they try to shift blame to the other person. We all do this in reality; it’s a natural tendency, although not a very emotionally mature reaction. After that, Steve shuts up, and I do interpret this as him internally feeling guilty about his actions because I think he knows he made mistakes and would do things differently if he had the chance to go back. But again, he doesn’t or can’t say out loud that he was wrong. And look, if we’re all honest, most of us would be like Steve…we might feel bad but we wouldn’t admit, out loud, that we were wrong. We’d rationalize or get defensive–it’s a very human reaction.

But it’s heroic to admit you are wrong and take responsibility for it. That’s not natural and it’s not easy, but it’s a skill the world desperately needs–maybe now more than ever. It’s also the only true path towards emotional growth and spiritual maturity. Robert Downey Jr. recently described the pre-Iron Man Tony Stark as “spiritually dead,” and I think any journey towards spiritual growth (or whatever you want to call it) has to begin with being 100% honest and self-aware and taking full responsibility for your own mistakes. Tony Stark does that, and he does it more fully and more consistently than any other MCU hero. He’s not perfect–but he knows that, and even more importantly, he admits it out loud, repeatedly. It’s an overlooked superpower because most people don’t really want to emulate this: people want to be respected and have super strength, but admitting you’re wrong? That doesn’t sound cool; that’s not a superpower most people want…which is why many of the other heroes don’t do it. Many of them are wish-fulfillment heroes, not three-dimensional characters who are human and flawed. Tony is the epitome of human and flawed…and he knows it. Ironically, that’s also what makes him heroic.

Yes, Tony’s mind and his heart are his superpowers, like a lot of people have said before, but let’s not neglect his capacity for reflection, for self-evaluation, for honest contrition, and the ability to admit when he is wrong and work towards righting that wrong. Those are all superpowers too.

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iwritesilence · 3 years

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How to Save Your Marriage Before Getting Married

My one year old marriage has ended. It burns my heart! But I'm not gonna try to fix it, not anymore.

Love and marriage are two completely different things. In fact, they could work against each other. You could be married and not be in love. You could also be in love and not necessarily marry.

I got married out of pure love and spirituality. But beyond love and religion, there are more elements of marriage to consider before getting married. The most fundamental of which is behavioural compatibility.

We had complimentary devils. I can become very aggressive after shying away from many triggers, and they constantly trigger me.

They cannot manage it at all when they're triggered. At every single trigger, they get violent.

For some reasons, a lot of pressure is put on me to control my own aggression, and manage the home to ensure serenity.

But I believe the odds are, and would always be stacked against me. Because the triggers are constant. There's almost no room to recover, and grow.

Although they're usually enjoined as well to be calmer in their general approach to things, but it hardly works.

Incompatibility is the worse thing that can happen to a marriage. You can try to fix other things and there's a very high chance that they'll work, but for incompatibility, it's a very close to zero chance- you either decide to live with it, or without it.

While choosing to live with and manage it can seem noble, you're constantly living with the risk of becoming an infidel- the heart wants what it wants, you'll try to seek the compatibility else where. Or, you'll just find your self regretting through an action or inaction.

Oh and you might be tempted to think "change". People DON'T freaking change! I've learnt that the hard way over and over again, and even now. At the least, it takes two to tango, where one learns to stop being the trigger, then it can create the illusion of change, while in the real sense, there's been an absence of cause, hence, there's no effect.

I didn't realise what I really needed before joyfully deciding to be with my partner. You need to know yourself very well and know what suits you. I chose based on an illusion of what I thought would be sufficient for me. Before you decide, ask your self, is this person really right for me? And am I the right person for them? The immediate answers that follow aren't your real answers. Let me show you how you find your real answerw- ask yourself and answer honestly:

What do I really need in a partner? Write them down. Don't leave anything out... That thing you think is not necessary can make all the difference. And you don't need to lie, you're the only one seeing your list; you can face your devils.

Secondly, does this person meet these criteria? Now this is where I made my mistakes, I attached so much weight to some things, so much so that once I checked them to be available, others seemed unnecessary, and those things are ruining my marriage now. So, everything counts, no matter how little it seems at first.

Oh and one thing doesn't count for the other, no! For instance, "they speak well, so they'll be intelligent". Far from it. For the records, my partner speaks well though, and they're very intelligent. My point is if those two are on your list, let them be mutually exclusive. Verify that they speaks well, and verify that they're intelligent. If along the way, you got scammed, accept that it's your fault, you should have been smarter. Good thing is, you can always correct it, because your scammer, would be with you when you realise. I don't know how, but don't hesitate to refuse to to be scammed. I once broke up with an ex simply because they tricked me into dating them- I should have been smarter.

Thirdly, consider the real impact of the things they don't check. So I'm not saying they have to check all the boxes. When you're done with checking one after the other, consider the potential effect of the unchecked boxes, try not to leave it to your imagination alone, seek real world examples. This would help you know whether or not you'll choose to manage that inefficiency. After all, there's no perfect person out there, there's only someone you can tolerate their shortcomings. But before you choose to tolerate, understand the actual impact in real world.

Guess what, that's not enough! Yes! It's not enough. And a lot of people, including me failed here.

These same steps you've taken above, do the same for your partner, they don't have to know... Do it to the best of your knowledge of their personality.

What do they really need in a partner?

Do I really meet the criteria?

What would be the potential impact of the boxes I don't check, on them? Find real life examples, don't limit it to your imagination

Do it objectively, with all honesty, try not to flatter yourself, you know your devils, don't hide them, you're not showing anyone the list.

If you're unable to answer those questions on their behalf, at the point where you're thinking of sealing the deal, I wonder why you're even considering it.

If after the exercise, you find that some of your own inefficiencies could be a problem, given their own personal traits, then don't waste your time, and don't be unfair to them.

Again, there's no perfect person, but almost can kill this bird. They have to be the closest thing to perfect, otherwise you're up for big trouble.

And this is not to say everything will be rosy, nah! Far from it! Even when they're the nearest thing to perfect, there are still high chances of occasional friction. I mean, that's why they are near perfect and not perfect. Now imagine if they aren't close enough to perfect.

I have my devils, don't we all? But I didn't make sure to choose a partner that wouldn't feed my devils. If you ever get to read this, don't make the same mistake.

I'm accepting this fate with full responsibility. I should have done better, way earlier though. I should have been a better person to me, and fairer to them.

I question myself now, do I ever want to try again? Even though I believe I've realised a better way to choose.. is there really someone out there for me? For now, let me savour the peace and freedom that comes with being alone.

#marriage #lifepartner #love #lover #divorce #breakup #happily ever after #husband material #wife material

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justdivinity · 4 years

Text

“Last year at Hogwarts” Eddie was holding out his willow wand by his right hand. Nothing was coming out of his wand nor his mouth but Buck was sure he had been casting a shielding spell as the rain above was avoiding them as if the were under a dome.

Buck knew Eddie was a powerful wizard, they had been in most classes together and it was easy to spot his work amongst all the other students. That didn’t mean Eddie was smart or top of his class - Eddie’s power was raw, from within and innate. He wasn’t book-smart or diligent enough to study and dedicate a lot of attention to theory. He preferred practice, it came to him naturally, even though it meant that sometimes his spells were unsuccessful or not channelled enough and all over the place. Like the instance, in 3rd-year Charms class when they were learning Lumos Maxima, which turned into a rather funny tale. When it was Eddie’s turn to chant the spell, a blinding light came out of his wand, which then proceeded to bathe the whole room followed from a loud blast that shattered the antique glass-stained windows. Professor Flitwick proceeded to wave his wand to fix the windows before giving Eddie a Troll on his assignment, declaring that “only a Troll would not read the 3 lines that I have assigned in preparation for this class”. Nevertheless, a 3rd-year student doesn’t just manage to blast multiple windows and blind a whole classroom with so little effort - Eddie Diaz was a powerful wizard.

“Can you believe we’ve survived 6 years of this?” Buck was sitting cross-legged right in front of him, looking up at the raindrops trying to penetrate whatever it was it was protecting them.

Buck was an astute observer. It was thanks to his predisposition that he got sorted into Hufflepuff. The Sorting Hat was unsure, it had told him he would fit right in with Gryffindor and that Ravenclaw would help him in the long term with his identity. Slytherin would be not fit for him, as “no one as pure of mind as you has ever walked amongst those ranks”. Buck was aware of how long the Sorting Hat had been deliberating between all those houses and started to feel bad for the other students waiting to be sorted. “I’ll take whatever you think it’s fair Mr, I just don’t want the other kids to have to stand for much longer.” He said looking at the lines and lines of students who had already been standing for a couple of hours. The Sorting Hat smirked. “That my dear makes you a HUFFLEPUFF through and through,” he said making sure that those words were for him only to hear minus the house name, which he proceeded to shout.

“I would have not survived without you, honestly.” Eddie replied shamelessly with a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

Buck smirked faintly, trying to hide the fact that any positive words that Eddie had in regards to him would make him blush or have any physical reaction possible.

“I was so happy when I received your owls this summer.” That was an understatement. Buck and Eddie had been writing to each other ever since they became friends in first year, but something changed in 3rd year. Maybe hormones or maybe the fact that Eddie had come back to Hogwarts with a brand new manly voice and the beginning of a muscular body. After that Buck had been starting having weird physical reactions to anything Eddie related. He would sweat profusely when Eddie would hug him or touch him at all for that matter, his stomach sinking when either of them would talk about their relationship or their feelings. Eddie, for his part, had started getting more and more physical with Buck and jealous and protective over him. They both felt multiple things, but neither of them had the guts to spill them out.

“I wasn’t sure Dexter would find his way to you. It was his first time flying from Scotland.” Eddie had spent his summer in the new family cottage up north.

“He was grand! All of them arrived in one piece” Buck blushed thinking of the fact that he he kept them all and reread them when he missed Eddie.

“I think this is the first year we only have a class together” Eddie complained annoyed. They had shared timetables the instant they received the owl with the list of classes they were in.

Buck had decided to take Divination, Ancient Studies, Xylomancy, Charms and Ancient Runes. He had been offered an internship with the Department of Mysteries once he graduated, and he thought wise choosing relevant subjects. Eddie had chosen Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, Charms and Transfiguration. He didn’t know what to do with his future, unlike Buck. He wasn’t a strong enough athlete to try for professional Quidditch teams, his grades were not up to standards to be an Auror either, he was just trying to figure it out as he went along. However, there was the offer made by the Minister of Magic Millicent Bagnold, who offered Eddie a trainee position at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with the Hit Squad pending graduation from Hogwarts with no conduct issues. The offer came almost immediately after the incident in Charms class and Buck was sure Flitwick had brought his observations or at least wrote a letter to the Ministry, highlighting the strength and potential Eddie possessed.

“It’s going to be weird, we’ll have to work harder to make time for each other” Buck said honestly. He was almost glad he didn’t have to see him in every single class, he wanted to figure his feelings out and at the same time wanted to create more ad hoc situations for both of them to hang out without the constrictions of classes.

“Promise me you won’t flake on me” Eddie shifted his gaze intensely upon Buck’s eyes “I mean it Buck. Promise me it won’t be different”

Buck looked at Eddie’s scarlet and gold tie, remembering all the times he stood outside the Gryffindor’s common room waiting for him. He stretched his hand out to reach Eddie’s free hand and squeezed it tenderly. Eddie’s head turned abruptly to witness their hand intertwined, drops of water hit his face. The rain was starting to come in on both of them, Eddie must have been too caught up with the gesture that he had completely lost control over whatever spell he had cast.

“I promise” Buck breathed out, his face getting wet by the rain above.

#buddie #hogwarts #harry potter #au #fanfiction #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #911 on fox #i just had to #i have disregarded any official timeline #this is basically just a work of clownery

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talistheintrovert · 4 years

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Deleting my fic

Hi everyone! I just posted an explanation in my Salem Fic about why I will be taking it down in the next few days. If you like, you can go look at it HERE or you can read it under the cut, but I felt the need to explain.

I'm posting this to let everybody know that I am taking this fic down. I will leave it up for another day or two, and then it is permanently coming down as I have no desire to associate myself with this fic or its origins anymore.

I initially received a single anon comment on this fic when I posted it way back over a year ago:

ANON: Hi if you are going to borrow ideas for fics from other people, even if it’s out there on tumblr, you should at least credit them for the original idea.

and I responded the way I thought I should at the time:

hi, i'm gonna be honest - I forgot where this idea had even come from until you brought it up.

At the time i was planning to do this idea, i considered myself friends, or at least close acquaintances with the person who threw it out there, and offered to write it. Then I became very busy and decided to abandon the idea.

Then, after a bunch of things happened, I stopped talking to that person, and I'm fairly certain they wouldn't even want to see the fic or the credit, despite the idea no longer having anything to do with them.

When I found the idea again, all I had was a word document with a bunch of plot points and ideas written down, and was suddenly struck with the inspiration to write it again.

Because I had honestly forgotten to credit the person involved I will be sure to do that when I update it.

However, i do not appreciate you coming on anon to accuse me like this. I would never intentionally fuck someone else over, not EVER, and I resent the implication that I would. I will, however, be sure to credit Alex, because despite me no longer being friends with her, and the fact that we don't really talk anymore, I respect her enough as a human being not to let her think I'm treating her with disrespect.

Thanks for the anon.

I then reached out to Alex to clarify with her that I had not - nor would I EVER - intentionally steal the idea, and that I was going to clarify that on the fic itself, and she agreed, and we discussed the dissolution of our friendship and then didn't speak again. I went ahead and linked the post with her initial idea in it, which also has our interaction where I offered to write it.

The circumstances surrounding the whole situation were unfortunate - I perceived her support of a certain fic as potentially harmful, and sent her One Single Anonymous Ask about it. I was relatively polite (although I do understand that anything on Anon can be perceived as impolite) and I asked her specifically because there was a rift growing among halves of the fandom and Alex had always been the person I knew to be the most level-headed and I figured if she could explain why she was right and I was wrong then I would apologise and leave it alone. Unfortunately, as with everything in fandom, it blew up.

I was not the only person who had taken issue with this fic, or the attitude that accompanied it, and MANY people - some that I knew, but most that I didn't - started to also send in asks, and a lot of them were a lot more accusatory, and I'm sure some of them were trolls deliberately designed to rile up the drama even further. Alex has since expressed to me that this all blew up around the time she was having a hard time, and I apologised to her as it was NEVER my intention to launch some kind of attack on her, or anyone. I explained that the reason I went on anon was because at the time, the issue of the fic was so personal to me and I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone I was friends with online at a limited capacity, because it was part of my life. Just as Alex's own troubles at the time were unbeknownst to me.

I have since opened up about my personal experiences with some internet friends, and in the last two years have grown and learned how to move on with my life, but at that point, the pain was very raw and I didn't want to expose myself to that kind of drama where I would be forced to relive the trauma over and over again.

As it turned out, it didn't matter.

People decided that because I was posting about these issues (without necessarily explicitly bringing up my personal experiences), that not only did I send that one ask to Alex, but that I was responsible for MULTIPLE asks, that I had organised some kind of coordinated attack, that the entire rift was my fault and that I'd done it maliciously. And I spent MONTHS getting vicious, nasty, hateful anons that didn't even all address the issues they supposedly had with me, just told me I was a waste of space, that I didn’t belong, that I shouldn’t exist. I am sure Alex received her own number of those too, and I am truly sorry for that because no-one deserves to go through anything like that.

After Alex and I talked for the last time, I thought we had moved on. I unfollowed her and a number of other creators not because I had anything against them personally but because I realised this was an issue we were never going to agree on, and rather than stoke the flames I chose to step back from them entirely, so that I no longer had to see the content I was uncomfortable with. I respect her as a person, and as a content creator, and regardless of whether I am an avid follower of her anymore, I still support her ability to create and speak freely. I have never blocked her, nor have I ever sent any kind of anon/non-anon hate to her, and I have never, NEVER plagiarised, from her or anyone else.

And yet.

Close friends of mine within the fandom, friends that I don't even consider just fandom friends anymore - friends that I would live, breathe and die for, friends who I love more than anything in the world - have been periodically, over the last six or so months, receiving various anons claiming to be someone who has "had too much to drink" and telling them that I am a bad person, that it's "well known within the fandom" that I'm a plagiarist, and that it is "tiring to see such hypocrisy" when they preach about original content and then remain friends with me.

TO BE CLEAR: I don't think that Alex would do this.

So before anyone gets it twisted, this isn't some kind of EXPOSE where I drag someone's dirty laundry into the open, because I am absolutely not that kind of person, and the one time I waded into fandom drama, it caused this mess, and it ended my friendship with someone who had basically been the cause of me getting into this fandom in the first place. So no, I am not accusing Alex, or any of her friends, of sending these anons.

I understand if they dislike me because of what transpired over a year ago, and I have my own regrets about the entire situation, and I have no desire to bring it all back up again. I'm not doing this to get anyone to go after them or anyone else, because I don't think it's anyone's fault except the anon people in my friends' askboxes. My friends have never publicly addressed the asks, except for a single post this afternoon where Abby told the person to stop, and didn't even answer the ask or explicitly talk about what was said in it.

I don't mind if you hate me. Whether you dislike me on your own time or you do it in my askbox; I've gotten pretty used to anon hate, and I genuinely don't mind people throwing some my way - this is the internet. But when you're going out of your way to harass my friends, I cannot just ignore it.

That's my family you're talking to.

Whoever this anon person/anon people are, you are deliberately taking your personal opinion of me, and you are walking up to my family and telling them that I am not worth their time. You are telling them that I am a plagiarist, despite the SINGLE instance of "plagiarism" (this fic) being an honest mistake, and one that I immediately reconciled once I realised. This fic that I haven't updated since, because I wasn't sure when it would be acceptable for me to do so without upsetting Alex further, and have now decided to delete. I considered deleting it quietly, without explanation, as I did another one of my fics earlier this year (simply because it was a WIP that I was never planning on finishing) but I realised that deleting this fic without an explanation could potentially give this anon person/people more fuel to come after me with, and I really just want this whole drama to be over. It's been a year, and I have no desire to start the debate again, nor do I wish any ill will towards anyone, especially Alex, and I do not want to cause undue drama later down the line when this anon person/people returns to my friends askboxes to accuse them of helping me "hide the truth" or some other bullshit that has nothing to do with them or anyone else.

I'm putting this out in the open to make myself very clear: I am not a plagiarist. And if you have any assumptions that you feel the need to jump on anon to yell, it should be coming to me, not to my family.

This fandom was the first real fandom experience I had on tumblr. I have been involved in fandom culture for years, but always from afar, and it was because of Alex's fics that I found my way into this place, that I met the people I now call my family, and that I rediscovered my own confidence in my writing, confidence that had been lacking for some time due to my personal life. I will always be grateful to her for that.

My writing is my writing. It is deeply personal to me, as it is to every writer, and as someone who plans to have a career in writing, it is incredibly important to me that my work is my own. I would never intentionally steal (or as that anon commenter put "borrow") anything from anybody, and the implication that I would is truly hurtful, especially when it seems to come from a place of exclusively hate, with no actual understanding of the situation. A troll.

I would like to repeat myself: I DO NOT THINK THIS IS ALEX'S PROBLEM and anyone who jumps in her asks to talk about it is not really doing it for the "truth" or for anything other than their own desire to stir up drama. I will be sending the link to this chapter to her myself, because I do not wish for this to be something she stumbles across and assumes I am trying to pin the blame on her for something I categorically do not think she would ever do.

I just want to move on, and I want my friends to be left out of whatever vendetta this anon person/people have.

I am certain I will make more mistakes as I go forward, because that is the nature of growth, but I would like to believe that I have never done anything, especially any of this, as a desire to be malicious or to hurt anyone, even those people who I fundamentally disagree with and do not interact with anymore. I'm not remotely begging for sympathy in this situation - I don't need it, I am confident enough in myself to know that I would not intentionally hurt anyone - I am simply asking for my friends, my family, to be left out of whatever this bullshit is.

I'm sorry if you were expecting a chapter, and I'm sorry this was so long, but I wanted to be clear about where I stand right now.

The 100 is coming to an end soon, and soon all we will have of this show and this fandom is memories, tumblr content, and friendships, and I do not want to spend any more of the limited time we have while this show is still on the air, spreading negativity or letting it be spread. This isn't to start drama, this is to end it.

#fandom wank #the 100 #my fics #the first to speak is the first to lie #to be clear i fully expect this to blow back on me somehow #but i would rather that #than have this person or people continuously harass my friends #it's not fair on them #or on alex and her friends either #because i'm sure these same people are just as likely to be malicious to them #anyway #i know that this is small potatoes considering the state of the world at the moment #but i don't wanna continue letting hateful behaviour slide #regardless of how small the stakes are #spreading positivity and kindness starts from the smallest incidents #and anyone still trying to stir up this drama from a year ago is a TROLL #plain and simple

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