#i would be curled up on the ground rn sobbing from all this pain

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Honey Girl. Chapter Four.

Chapter One. Chapter Two. Chapter Three. Chapter Five. Chapter Six. Chapter Seven. Chapter Eight. Series Masterlist. The Playlist.

Chapter Synopsis - You and Bucky deal with the fallout of Cora's reveal. What's that saying? If you love something, let it go...

Pairing - Dad'sBestFriend! Bucky Barnes x Female Reader - soulmate au

Age Rating - 18+

Warnings - cursing. angst. alcohol consumption.

Word Count - 5k

Author's Note - i can only apologise that this chapter took a little while!! my life is at a super weird place rn, so i'm just trying to find the time when i can. words cannot describe how incredible all of your support is for Honey Girl. the fact you all reblog and comment and send me asks means the world to me. love you all so much.

as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3

Masterlist. Inbox.

You can't breathe.

It's like all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the air, leaving it dry, brittle, sterile. Your lungs are burning, scratched like sandpaper. The backyard is spinning, like teenagers at a roller rink - all flashing lights and endless rotations.

You haven't taken your eyes off of Bucky, and he hasn't taken his eyes off of you. If you were thinking more logically, you'd probably realise that you've been staring at each other for too long, and it's starting to look a little suspicious. You don't care.

Your ears are ringing. It's like there's been an explosion, and you're scattered amongst the debris. Smoke, flames, rubble. A catastrophic detonation in your parents backyard.

A gentle hand on your shoulder snaps you back to reality. The music is still playing, everyone around the table is still conversing, the house still stands. No explosion here.

"Sweetheart?"

It's your Mom, clearly sensing your distress. She probably thinks you're upset with her, for telling Cora. You are, but that's not what's causing the pain in your chest.

"Come inside with me, baby girl. Let's get away from the noise for a second."

She grabs your hand and pulls you out of your chair, still none the wiser to the magnetism preventing you from breaking your gaze that's locked on Bucky's. She practically drags you inside, the cool air of the kitchen waking you up.

"Sweetheart, I am so, so sorry. Cora overheard the conversation we had earlier. I thought it was good news, so I didn't think to ask her to keep it private."

She looks like she's being eaten alive by guilt. Your bottom lip quivers, your eyes well up, and before you know it, there are warm, salty tears dripping down your cheeks.

"Hey, hey. What's the matter?"

You sit down on the tiled floor, back pressed against the cabinets. Curling your knees to your chest, you try to stifle your sobs.

"Everything's such a mess, Mama."

She drops to the ground, gathering you in her arms. She holds you as tight as she can, rubbing soothing circles into your back and whispering comforting words in your ear. Eventually, she pulls back to look at you.

"What's the matter, baby? I thought Stella's call was a good thing - that you'd be excited to go back to California."

You take a shaky breath before replying.

"It's just... I think - I don't, it's... it's so complicated."

She traces her fingers over your cheeks, your eyebrows, your nose. She dances her fingertips over your face, as if she's committing it to her mind forever. It brings back warm and cosy childhood memories of her doing the same thing to help you sleep. The two of you would snuggle up against all of your pillows in bed, tucked up and safe. She'd lie with you until she was sure you were dreaming, before kissing you on the forehead and sneaking out.

"Talk to me. We can figure it out. We always do."

"It's not that simple. I just... there's a lot going on, I guess. I thought it'd be an easy decision, but it isn't, and it's all I can think about, and it's eating me up because I'm so scared I'm gonna do the wrong thing -"

You cut yourself off with a sob, resting your head on your knees.

"I knew there was something bothering you, sweetheart. Why didn't you come and talk to us? Even if we can't fix it, we can listen."

"I thought I could handle it. I thought I could figure it out on my own."

"You don't ever have to carry stress like this on your own, baby girl. Ever. You hear me?"

You nod and lean into her, letting her rock you in her arms on the kitchen floor.

"I'm sorry again, about Cora. She means well, you know she does."

"I know. Doesn't feel like it sometimes, but I know."

A pause.

"Okay, sweetheart. What are we going to do now? Whatever you decide, we'll support you."

"Your Mom's right," your Dad says from the doorway. "Whatever you choose, we'll be right alongside you. No matter what."

He strides over to join the two of you on the floor, sandwiching you between him and your Mom.

"If you need help packing up and moving, we're here. If you need us to create an elaborate lie to tell Stella, we're here. Either way, you've got us."

You smile at him gently, leaning to rest your head on his shoulder. Regardless of what happens, you have two parents that love you more than anything in the world. That has to count for something.

"You wanna rejoin us outside, or are you too tired? No one will blame you if you go home."

"I think I'll go home," you murmur. "I don't wanna face any more questions for today."

"Bucky's just gone too. Said something about an early morning tomorrow."

You inhale shakily at the mention of his name. You know you'll have to face him sooner or later.

Your Dad stands and grabs your hands to help you to your feet, before doing the same to your Mom. They both hug you tightly before walking you out to the front door.

"Promise me you'll call if you need anything. Anything."

"I promise, Mama. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."

"Do you want one of us to walk you home?"

"No, it's okay. I think I need the air."

"Love you, baby girl."

"Love you too. Both of you."

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

You're halfway home when you decide to turn around. You need to talk to Bucky.

It doesn't take you long to figure out where he is. You can feel in your chest that he's close by, that he hasn't strayed far. He hasn't gone home, though. The Universe is pulling you in the opposite direction.

The beach.

You spin on your heel and start walking down the road, picking up pace as you go. You can feel rain in the air, threatening to spill from the clouds at any given moment. Before you know it, you're running, sprinting along the sidewalk in the direction of your soulmate.

You get to the small boardwalk and look out over the sand. The sky is grey as concrete, cold and unforgiving. You spot a figure in a worn brown leather jacket by the shore, and you know instantly. It's him.

You march onto the beach with your shoes still on, wrapping your arms around yourself to act as a shield from the wind. You left your jacket at your parent's house, too eager to get out of there in a hurry. The rain is suspended in the air, never quite reaching the ground. You know it's only a matter of time before the heavens open.

"Bucky!" you yell, practically bounding across the sand. "Buck!"

He doesn't turn because he hears your voice. He turns because he suddenly feels like he can breathe, which he hasn't been able to do for the last hour. He knew you were there before you shouted his name.

"Bucky, please!"

He spins on his heel and stops walking, waiting for you to catch up with him. You're sprinting, panting as you reach him. The ocean waves crash against the shore, dangerously close to his boots.

"Buck, just let me explain," you choke out, trying to catch your breath.

You finally stop running and look at him. He looks broken. His hair looks like he's pulled his fingers through it repeatedly, tear tracks staining his cheeks, lips bitten red. You've never seen him upset like this. It's the worst thing you've ever witnessed.

"There's nothing to explain," he begins calmly, trying to keep a lid on his feelings.

"There is, Buck. There is. I... Cora overheard me confiding in my Mom, telling her about a call I'd gotten, from a classmate at culinary school. It was just an offer - I haven't accepted anything! I never meant for you to find out like this, I swear. It's all just... it's all so fucked up."

He looks at you in disbelief.

"No, you know what's fucked up?" he asks, raising his voice. "Finding out that my soulmate is moving across the country from some alcoholic suburban mom at a dinner party!"

You've never heard him yell before. You don't like it at all. You gather yourself before replying calmly, determined to keep you emotions under wraps.

"I've been trying to find a way to talk to you about it, but I didn't know where to start. How do I even begin to explain any of this?"

"Maybe, I don't know - 'hey, Buck, I got a call and I'm thinking of moving thousands of miles away for my dream job,' would be a good place to start?"

"It's more complicated than that. I was trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?"

"From blowing your life up for me!"

You stare at each other for a minute, both of you unblinking.

"What are you talking about?" he croaks out.

"You'd drop everything for me, Bucky, and I can't let you do that. You've worked too damn hard to let it all go."

He's dumbfounded, for a moment. Not because he doesn't understand. No. He's realising that you're right.

"I knew that if I told you straight away, you'd have persuaded me to let you come with, and I would have said yes. And then you'd regret it, and you'd resent me, and we'd be over before we've even begun."

When he doesn't say anything, you continue.

"The thing is, Buck, the selfish part of me would have happily invited you along. Me and you, in California, running a bakery? That sounds like a fucking dream. But I have to listen to the other side of me, the selfless part. And that part is telling me that you have worked too damn hard for too damn long just for me to take that all away."

You feel droplets of water on your face, and for a moment, you wonder when you started to cry again. Then, in the deep distance, you hear a crack of thunder. The rain begins to pour, both of you caught in a storm in more ways than one.

"You don't get to make a decision like that for me!" he finally responds, yelling to be heard over the downpour. "We're supposed to talk about these things! To figure them out together! That's what soulmates are - we're a team!"

"I can't think rationally around you, Bucky! It's like all logic goes out the window. I'm just so overwhelmed with-"

You stop yourself before the word comes out, but you both know what you were about to say. He feels it in his ribcage, the surge of emotion from you.

"-with how I feel about you. You're my forever, Buck, and I feel like -" a sob wracks through you, shaking your frame. "-like I've fucked it all up already."

Your tears mix with the rainwater, trailing down your cheeks. You watch as Bucky fights with himself, internally battling his feelings.

"You're not the only one fucking it up," he chokes. "You repeatedly told me we had to take it slow, but I just... couldn't help myself. I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you, and being away from you for even a minute is fucking torture. I moved us too fast, and now look where we are. We've become the equivalent of a married couple in a couple of weeks. No one can handle change that sudden."

"It's not.. none of this is your fault, Buck. I kept something from you, something big. I know it doesn't matter now, but I want you to know how hard it's been to not tell you. It was killing me."

"I felt it," he murmurs shakily, willing himself not to cry. "In my chest. You were so torn up about something, and I just couldn't figure out what it was. I should have pushed you more, but I was worried I'd push you away."

Your lip trembles as you watch him bite his own anxiously.

"I'm so scared, Buck," you whisper. "I feel so lost and so confused and like nothing makes sense."

"Me too," he whispers back, eyes never leaving yours. "I'm fucking terrified. Our worlds have been turned upside down."

"Is it... is it supposed to be this hard? Everyone makes it sound so easy."

"I don't know. Maybe the Universe heard that we were anti-soulmate and decided to be super tough on us. Cosmic karma, or something."

You choke out a laugh through your tears. The rain has plastered your clothes to your body, the salty wind chilling you to the bone. Without thinking, Bucky takes off his jacket and wraps it around you, unable to watch you shiver any longer.

"What now?" you ask quietly. If he wasn't standing so close, he wouldn't have heard it.

"Let's get out of the storm," he suggests, nodding his head towards the path home. "We can talk some more somewhere warmer."

You sniffle and take a deep breath, willing yourself to get it together. Bucky surprises you by linking your hand with his, warm fingers intertwining around yours.

He doesn't let go the whole way home.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

Bucky takes you to his house.

You haven't been here since before your Tethering. You walk in the door, and your knees threaten to give way.

It's overwhelming.

Everywhere - everything - smells like Bucky. His scent clings to every fabric, every upholstery, every room. There's pictures scattered across the mantelpiece, his handsome face staring at you wherever you go. The house is warm, cosy, and just so Bucky it makes your heart ache.

You walk over to the fireplace, taking a closer look at the array of frames adorning it. There's one of your parents and Bucky smiling, sat out on his lawn last summer; another of Bucky and his team of mechanics, stood proudly outside his garage. A small black frame catches your eye. You pick it up, and your breath hitches in your chest.

It's a picture of the two of you on the deck of his boat, the day after you found out you were soulmates. The wind is blowing your hair, billowing your shirts, sun beating down on your skin. You're both beaming at the camera, bright and blinding, completely content.

You're holding back tears as you put it back in it's original place.

"My favourite picture," he murmurs from somewhere behind you. "We look happy."

"We were happy," you whisper. Then, quieter, "We will be again."

A pause.

"You want something to drink? Coffee, cocoa? Oh, I have that tea you like, the apple one?"

"You do?"

"Yeah. I, uh, bought some last time I went grocery shopping. In case you stopped by."

"Tea sounds good. Please."

You stay stood in the middle of the living room while Bucky puts the kettle on the stove, worried that your wet clothes will ruin his couch. As if he's read your mind, he pops his head around the door.

"There's a load of fresh clothes folded on top of the dryer. Grab whatever you want, dry off a little."

You wander into the laundry room, sorting through the pile. You find a t shirt with his garage logo on the back in big, white letters.

J.B.B. Motorcycles and Automotives.

The blocky, bold font swirls across the black material. You run your fingers over it, tracing the curves and spikes of the typeface. It's something you've seen him in a million times. You inhale deeply as you slip it over your head, revelling in the way it smells like him. You grab some boxer shorts and slip those on too, glad to finally be warm and dry.

Bucky loses his breath when you walk into the room. He's never seen you in his clothes before, and for good reason. He's about to have a goddamn heart attack.

"Tea is on the coffee table," he chokes out. "I'm gonna change, and then we'll talk, yeah?"

You nod gently, settling into the cushions of his couch and tucking your legs underneath you, mug warming your hands.

When Bucky returns, he's in sweatpants and an oversized hoodie that you want to burrow yourself into. He takes his place, careful to put a little distance between you. Far enough that you're not touching, but close enough that you almost are.

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I'm not good at this."

"Neither am I," he smiles gently. "It's my first time having a soulmate."

"Mine too," you laugh softly.

It floors you, his ability to always be able to comfort you. It's like a superpower, the way he always knows what to say or do to put you at ease.

"I think we got a little ahead of ourselves," he begins, careful to keep his voice low and deliberate. "I keep forgetting that we have forever. Literally. I was so eager to rush into this with you because I got excited. Don't get me wrong, I'm still ridiculously excited, but I'm realising now that our version of 'slow' wasn't slow at all."

"This whole Tethering thing makes everything so intense. There have been times where I honestly thought I was going to drop dead if you didn't kiss me."

"The feelings mutual," he chuckles.

You lace your fingers with his, never breaking eye contact, before addressing the elephant in the room.

"What am I gonna do about California, Buck?"

Your voice cracks just saying the word.

"Stella needs an answer, and I've upset you, and my parents are clueless, and I just - I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do. Please."

"I can't tell you what to do, honey," he soothes, running his thumb over the back of your hand. "And I'm not upset. I was, in the backyard... but I was mainly just blindsided. I kinda get it, you not telling me. I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation either."

"I just feel like both decisions are wrong. I can't win."

"Hey, hey. Look at me, pretty baby."

Bucky cradles your face in his warm hands, forcing your eyes to meet his ocean blue ones. You have to focus on his words, so you don't get lost in the waves of his irises.

"At the end of the day, it's completely your decision, and no one in the world can change that. But-"

He takes a deep breath, and continues.

"I think that you'll regret it every day for the rest of your life if you don't take the incredible opportunity that's been offered to you."

You take a second to process what he's telling you, your mind running at a thousand miles an hour.

"Are you... you're... are you saying I should take the job?"

"Like I said, it's your decision, but... yes. I'm saying you should take the job."

Your eyes well with tears, and you bite your lip to stop them from escaping. Inhaling carefully, you put your hands on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under your palms. He's calm. He's sure. He's collected enough for the both of you.

"What about us?" you ask, barely above a whisper.

"Like you said, baby. I'm your forever." Buck leans in, resting his forehead to yours. "We have time."

"All the time in the world."

You connect your lips to Bucky's softly, testing the waters. He kisses you back with so much feeling, tears slip from your lashes without warning. He's crying too, emotion mixing with yours, dousing you both.

You pull away and wrap your arms around him, curling yourself into his chest. He holds you as tightly as he can, knowing this will be the last time for a long time.

"So you'll go."

"I'll go."

"And I'll stay."

"You'll stay."

"And we'll be okay. No matter what, we'll be okay."

You and Bucky fall asleep in each others arms, cherishing the feeling of home one last time.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

The happiness is starting to seep through.

You're devastated to be leaving Bucky behind, but you're trying to look on the bright side. Sunny beaches, new people, your dream job. If you think about the positives for long enough, the Bucky sized hole in your chest hurts a little less.

You're packing up your bookshelf when your phone rings, scaring the life out of you.

"Bitch!"

You know who it is instantly.

"Hi, Lacie."

"Where have you been? Why didn't you answer my text from last night?"

"Shit, sorry. I've been packing. What's up?"

"We're going out tonight. Not just us - all the girls. We're throwing you a goodbye party!"

You groan inwardly, massaging your temples with your fingers.

"A party? Lace, I don't need a party."

"Babe, you do. You really do. It'll be fun! I thought you'd be excited!"

You take a deep breath, and remember what you've been telling yourself. Focus on the positives.

"Okay, fine. Where? What time? What should I wear?"

"I knew you'd say yes! Come to my place at like... six? We can get ready together, like old times! And wear something sexy."

She doesn't wait for you to argue, just hangs up the phone. She knows you too well.

You know it'll be good for you, to see your girlfriends - but the thought of all the goodbyes you're about to say breaks your heart a little more.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

"Okay, what the fuck is going on with you?"

You're sat cross legged on Lacie's living room floor, sharing makeup that's scattered across the coffee table. You sip your wine for a moment, trying to come up with an excuse. It's no use.

"I don't know."

"Bullshit."

You turn to look at her.

"What?"

"It's bullshit, babe. Something's going on. You've been given your dream job, and you're moping around like you just got broken up with or something. Why aren't you happy?"

There's no malice in her voice, just pure love. She adores you. You adore her. She's the one person with an outsiders perspective on all of this. So, you cut the act.

"I had my Tethering."

Silence.

She's processing.

"What?!"

"Yeah."

"When? Who? Where? How? Oh my God what is happening? Why didn't you say anything? Fuck, I'm gonna cry. I'm so overwhelmed right now, I'm so happy for you! Wait... are we not happy?"

"It's... complicated."

There's a lump in your throat, but a levity in your heart. A weight has been taken off you. Telling someone the truth has made you feel a little lighter.

"Who is it, babe?"

You take a deep breath, and look her in the eyes.

"Bucky."

Her jaw drops.

"Your... your Dad's best friend Bucky?"

"That's the one."

"Oh. My. Fucking. God."

"Yeah."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah."

"This is complicated."

"Yeah."

"Aw, babe."

She pulls you in for a hug, not caring about the makeup you're smearing across her shirt. You cling to her as tightly as you can, savouring your best friends comfort.

"Does anyone else know?"

"No. We decided not to tell my parents for a while."

"Shit. No wonder you've been so sad lately. You're moving across the country, away from the one person you're supposed to be near."

"It's really hard," you whisper, tears threatening to spill.

"I can't even begin to imagine," she murmurs, holding you close. "I wish you'd told me sooner. We could have talked about it."

"I know," you sniffle. "I thought I could handle it on my own, but I really can't."

"You're not on your own, okay? You have Bucky, and you have me. You can always talk to me about this stuff. God knows I talked your ear off about Cameron."

You laugh softly, thinking back to that day that feels both like yesterday and a million years ago.

"Where is he tonight?"

"Out with his boys. It's good for us to spend a few hours apart."

You smile at the happiness that's radiating off her. She's glowing, beaming in all directions.

"Thanks, Lace. I love you. You know that right?"

"Of course I do. I love you too. So much," she leans forward to kiss your cheek. "Now let's have one hell of a last girls night, shall we?"

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

You've lost track of exactly where you are.

You know you're downtown somewhere, in one of the bars. This one smells like wood and whiskey, lowlit and smoky. You hit the cocktail bar first, then the one covered in leopard print, then the monochrome pink one. Now, you're here.

The six of you are sat at a booth, high heels tangled and legs intertwined under the table. The wood is sticky with lemon wedges from tequila shots, salt scattered across the surface.

"If you find any hot west coast men, will you send them my way?" Reese asks, nudging you with her shoulder.

"And if you find any hot west coast women, will you send them mine?"

Everyone laughs, the scent of perfume filling the air.

"Rosa, what happened to Aubrey? We liked her!"

"Caught her kissing my ex girlfriend. So now they're both my ex girlfriends."

"Jesus Christ."

"Man, that's rough," Lacie giggles next to you.

The other girls continue to talk about Aubrey's infidelity as Lacie leans to whisper in your ear.

"Have you said goodbye to Bucky yet?"

You nod.

"Yesterday. I stayed the night, we fell asleep together. Said our goodbyes in the morning. It was awful."

"Love you," she whispers, squeezing your hand under the table.

"Love you too," you reply, squeezing back.

"There's a table of super hot guys over there," Maggie observes, tilting her head in their direction. "Maybe we should conveniently dance that way in a little while."

You don't bother to look over, knowing that none of them will compare to your soulmate. The other girls seem interested, though, so you smile along with them.

"Babe," Sam hisses, kicking you under the table. "There's a hot guy at that table, three o'clock, that keeps staring at you."

You glance over, and your heart stutters in your chest.

Bucky.

His blue eyes pierce your soul, even from across the room. For a moment, it's only the two of you, all the noise forgotten.

You're snapped back to reality by Sam.

"Fuck, he's hot. If you don't want him, I do."

"You should talk to him," Lacie suggests quickly. "Why not, right?"

She's practically pushing you out of the booth, high school wrestler style. In another life, you think, she would have made a good football player. All five foot four of her.

You walk past his table, eyes still locked on him, and towards the bathrooms. You know he'll follow you. You walk to the end of the hallway and out of the door, into the fresh night air.

You feel him appear before you see him. You lean your body against the wall, head resting on the cold brick. Bucky stands in front of you, shirt stretched across his shoulders gorgeously.

"Hi."

"Hi, honey baby."

You smile softly at the nickname.

"What are you doing here?"

"I got dragged to a boys night. What are you doing here?"

"I got dragged to a girls night."

He laughs, and all the tension melts from your muscles.

"Thought we said our goodbyes. I didn't think I'd see you again before I left."

"Me too. But you know the Universe. It hates us."

"Cosmic karma," you whisper.

The two of you stand down the alleyway, looking at each other carefully. Neither of you wants to spook the other person. You'd processed your leaving, said your emotional goodbyes. And now he's here, standing in front of you. You don't want to have to do it all again.

"I should probably get back inside, before the girls get the wrong idea."

"Baby, I followed you to the bathroom. They've already got the wrong idea."

You chuckle, kicking at a rock on the ground.

"Yeah. I don't know how I'm gonna explain this."

A smile. A pause.

"I'll let you get back to your friends, then."

You lean up to press a kiss to his stubbled cheek.

"Bye, Buck."

"Bye, pretty girl."

You push off the wall and walk away towards the door. Suddenly, a warm hand wraps around your wrist, yanking you into a solid chest.

Bucky kisses you like a man possessed. There's nothing gentle about it - just pure, unadulterated passion. It's all teeth and tongue and nipping and biting, neither of you willing to be the first to pull away.

He walks you back into the wall, pushing you against the rough brick. You hike a leg up onto his hip as he grabs your thigh to pull you closer, desperate to feel all of you. Your hands are in his hair, around his neck, tangled in his collar, his shirt, his belt loops. Anything you can get your hands on, you grab.

A distant chorus of cheers break you out of your lust fuelled haze. A bachelorette party walks by, one of the women winking at you as they go. You and Bucky take a step away from each other, straightening out your clothes and fixing your hair.

"Promise me you'll call me if you need anything," Bucky murmurs, leaning to rest his forehead on yours.

"I promise," you whisper, almost against his lips. "Goodbye, Bucky."

"Goodbye, honey girl."

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

The salty ocean wind whips through your hair, sun beating down onto your skin, some upbeat pop song humming from the radio. You keep your eyes glued to the road in front of you, begging yourself not to look back. You know if you do, you'll turn the car around and run straight back into Bucky's arms.

Let the happiness seep through, you remind yourself, gripping the steering wheel.

Let the happiness seep through.

tag list part one -

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[creative-caramel-coffee]

I miss your writing😂 I need me some weems, now idk if you’ll consider writing age regression ? Bc I have another idea if you do.

So r is depressed bc they ran out of medication and forgot to refill it since they’ve become ill (me rn it’s horrid and messing with my head) no one’s seen or heard from r and weems has to do a welfare check. Here she finds a depressed and very sick reader. She knows of readers bad back ground (they are a shifter and was found hanging onto life after being abused in a facility like hydra for shifters) so when r becomes all clingy and very child like it confessed weems. R is so touch starved it’s insane, but with weems rn she’s like a child wanting and craving the affection just needing to be held. So naturally weems does that and that’s how she discovers the fever r has and that r ran out of her meds so weems nurses her better. Oh! Could also add r isn’t sleeping bc of nightmares due to their background?

Sorry for the long request and I’m not even sure it makes sense. I need my Damn pills lmao.

🕯️

A little sick

Pairings: Weems x Reader (platonic)

Word count: 1.4K

Summary: you're sick and regressed.

TW: agre? Sickness, depression, medicine (prescription),

A/n I’ve never written this kind of thing before so tell me if any of its wrong. Cute request tho :) let me know if you like it or want to see more of this kind of thing.

Part 2

Waking up and feeling like your bones were made of lead was not the way you wanted to start the day. It took all of your strength to pull yourself upright. Standing on shaky legs you wobble over to your dresser pulling out the pouch of pills that helped you with the aftermath of the facility and the depression it left. You knew firsthand how bad it could be to be a shapeshifter. Hunted and experimented on. You drew a deep breath pushing the thoughts away and exhaling slowly and shakily.

Unzipping the pouch, you frowned. All the blister packets were empty. You were out. You slouched dejectedly. It was going to be a long day. Yoko had already left for classes and to be honest you didn’t really think you could make it to the wardrobe to get changed let alone all the way to class. You sighed dejectedly and hobbled back to bed and laid down on your back staring at the roof. The feelings were getting harder to push away.

Your chest felt hollow, and you choked back a sob. The last time you were sick … was back there and to be honest you had no idea what would happen if someone found out here.

You zoned out feeling a familiar fuzzy feeling swallow your mind. You tried to push it away which only seemed to make you headache unbearable. The pain was what made you slip. Dropping hard, you felt your body shift. Soon the bed felt much bigger as you curled into a ball and cried. You were tired but scared to sleep, the nightmares seemed to be ever persistent.

You had no idea how long you had been crying, small sobs wracking the tiny body on the bed. Soon a knock sounded on the door.

Weems had had reports all day that you had been absent. Knowing your history with depression she knew it was imperative to do a welfare check as soon as she could. Looking at her calendar she swore. She had a copy if the nurses schedule for meds and prescription refills. Yours were out and it looked like nobody had picked up more for you.

She finally signed off the email she had spent the morning drafting to the mayor. Closing her laptop she toed on her heels, opting to take them off to give her feet a break when sitting and stood smoothing out her skirt. She hurried out the door and to your dorm. Hearing small noises inside she hesitated before knocking, she knew you were in there was was slightly terrified of what she would find inside the dorm.

Hearing the soft knock on the door you wiped a small fist over your eyes and sat up still silent tears running down your cheeks. You waited and heard the door open.

Weems peered into the dimly lit room; the windows still drawn. She saw a small lump on the bed and slowly walked over. The closer she got the more shocked she became. Why was there a toddler in the dorm and why did she look exactly like … y/n?

Small sad eyes looked up at her and sniffled. Weems stood awkwardly not really knowing what to do. She had a suspicion. She knew you were a shifter like herself. She looked down at you and it clicked. It made sense with the amount of trauma you had. You had regressed both physically and mentally to a child. Looking down at the sad child, you looked up at her and extended your arms.

“Up?” You asked with childlike innocence. Weems felt her heart melt. Gently she placed her hands under your arms and lifted you onto her hip. Almost straight away you buried your face in her neck, and she let out a soft gasp.

You were face too warm. Gently she peeled your face from her neck so she could look you in the eyes while she bounced you on her hip. You let out a soft whine at the loss of contact and weems shushed you as she placed a gentle hand against your cheek then forehead.

“Oh honey. Are you not feeling too good right now?” She asked. “Do you feel icky?” She said and you nodded and sniffled, the tears slowing.

“Alright. Well, we are going to get you some medicine then we are going to come back to my place for some sleep.” She said and you whined.

“No sleep.” You pouted and Weems frowned. “Cuddles?” You asked.

“Ok sweet girl you can have cuddles but why no sleep?” She asked.

“Mean dreams.” You pouted and she felt her heart break. Of course, you had bad dreams, that was almost assured with what you had been through. Why didn’t she think of that. Patting you back she used a hand to guide you back to her neck as you put your thumb in your mouth.

Weems winced knowing it probably wasn’t clean but there wasn’t much she could do about it right now and she preferred it to the crying. Holding you on her hip with one arm and the other on the back of your head she saw a small white fluffy thing under your blanket walking over and pulling out the stuffie you brightened as she tucked it between you and her chest as you wrapped you free arm around it.

“Alright honey let’s go get some medicine for you.” She said and left. She knew the school week enough to make sure nobody would see the two of you, God the rumours would be endless if students saw weems with a child. Careful to avoid any class windows Weems made it to the infirmary. As a shapeshifter herself she knew that the doses of medicine would need to match the physical size of the body. Balancing you on her hip she looked into your eyes.

“How old are you sweetheart?” She asked and you looked at her shyly holding up four fingers and puffing your chest out.

“Im four.” You grinned.

“Wow. Big girl huh?” She asked and you smiled wider.

Weems pulled out the bottle of medicine labeled 3-6 and any other supplies she would need. Carefully making her way back to her office she slipped back into her own quarters to take care of you.

You whined as she set you down on the couch but stopped as she lifted you back into her lap. You sure were clingy like this. Measuring out a dose of medicine Weems coaxed you into drinking it which made you stick your tongue out in disgust after.

“Yucky.” You said. Weems chuckled.

“Im sure it was sweet girl.” She said and stroked your hair. You buried your face in her chest and fisted your hands in her shirt.

“Alright bedtime. I think someone needs a nap huh?” She said and you whined.

“Nooo.” You said.

“Alright how about some cuddles instead?” Weems asked and you smiled.

“Cuddles?”

“Yes. Cuddles.”

“Yay cuddles.” You celebrated.

“Alright sweet thing lets go to my bedroom and we can cuddle.” She said knowing you would fall asleep in no time. Curling into her chest more and wrapping you small arms around Weems she felt her heart melt again as she ran her nails up and down your spine. You shivered and enjoyed the touch.

After a few minutes you seemed to be fighting sleep, eyes drooping before flying wide open again with a small whimper.

“Honey whats the matter? Why won’t you sleep love?” Weems asked softly.

“Bad dreams.” You whimpered softly and weems patted your back running her hands through your short hair. It was much shorter than normal probably from the shift.

“Honey, you need to sleep, I’ll be here the whole time. I won’t leave your side, ok? Do you think you could be a brave girl and get some sleep for me?” She asked softly.

Burrowing your face into her neck you nodded and shuffled around to get comfy. Weems knew either way based off how exhausted you seemed you would be asleep soon regards of what you wanted.

And as predicted after about five more minutes weems felt your breath even out against her chest and heard small snores coming from you. She smiled softly down at you and decided then and there she would never let anything hurt you again.

MASTERLIST

#sfw agere #age regression #weems #larissa weems #comfort #depression #nevermore #outcast R #shapeshifter R #hurt/comfort #sicfic #whump #fluff #slight angst #wednesday addams #self insert #nightmares #little r #caregiver weems #touch starved #medicine #illness #flu #cold #sick r #toddler r #sickness #y/n #principal weems #enid Sinclair

[onedaughterofman]

Writing Sessions #5 (Papa Emeritus III x Omega Ghoul)

Summary: When Omega finally wakes up, his hands are coated in something warm and he sees only red. In the distance, someone won't stop screaming.

Tags/Warnings: Angst, blood, corpses, character death.

A/N: I'm really sleepy rn. This gif is so silly, look at it before abandoning all hope and reading this angst.

Someone is screaming.

Omega overhears it in the distance, a faint yet painful wail coming from far away. For a long moment, he merely listens to it, searching for the source with no success.

The screaming doesn’t stop. Omega gradually opens his eyes, thick lashes obscuring his vision. Even if his lids are wide open, he can barely see red. It’s cold, so freezing, but there’s something warm and wet coating his fingers, lingering underneath his claws. Whatever it is, it also dampens his clothes. He doesn’t enjoy this sensation, not at all.

Omega feels dirty. Wiping his hands on his shirt, he tries to blink away the fog from his eyes. It doesn’t work. He feels dizzy, confused, and terribly upset. Moments ago he was practicing a guitar riff in the studio, attempting to perfect a new song Terzo showed him earlier.

Oh, how excited Terzo was. He was practically jumping around, talking too rapidly with a thick Italian accent. A new single, he declared, that would prove he still had some talent in him. A new song, something that could prove he was still useful for the Ghost project, even if he had been discarded from his position as Papa.

Maybe, if this song became a success, then he would be given his title back.

“But why do you want to be Papa again?” Omega had asked, sharp nails tracing patterns on the other’s back. “I thought you hated it.”

The silence is profound before Terzo replies. “What else can I be?” He whispered, eyes lost in the distance and deep in thought. “I was born to become Papa.”

“No one is born to do anything,” Omega retorted, fingers stopping to gently lift Terzo’s chin. “That’s just humans being egocentric.”

“Maybe,” he continued, after a beat. There was a tinge of something bitter on his tongue, coating the words. “But without it I’m no one.”

“You are mine,” Omega wanted to say, but he didn’t dare to. He was a coward, a demonic being quivering in the hands of a mortal. “You’re all I could ever wish for.”

Something happened after Terzo left. Omega had a guitar on his hands, but now his hands are empty.

No, not totally empty. There’s something on his lap, and he’s holding it closer, but he doesn’t recognize what it is. There are muffled sounds around him, but he can’t distinguish what they are because the sound of screams is too loud now, even over the rumble of blood running wild in his veins and arteries. The raw, painful noise makes his ears hurt.

What happened?

Oh, Satan. What happened? He was in the studio, but then the sigils on his skin started to burn and he saw red, so much red here and there. Someone was yelling too, talking, begging maybe. Someone was wailing in pain, before the silence overtook them.

No.

Slowly, the memories come back. Like pieces of shattered glass, they glisten in his palms before digging on his flesh as he presses his fists tight. Omega recalls Terzo’s face; eyes wide open and black tears falling down his cheeks, he remembers his extended hands and broken babbles, pleads and languish sobs.

No, please.

Why was Terzo crawling on the floor, crying? Why was he imploring and running away?

It’s me, Omega!

The sigils burn again. Omega raises one hand, curls it over his head in an attempt to soothe the pain. He feels like falling on the ground and writhing in pure agony. When the smell hits his nose, Omega thinks he might puke.

Please, stop! It's me!

Blood. His hands are coated in blood.

The screams grow shriller. Omega falls back, dropping whatever he was holding and blinking frenetically. His claws dig on his flesh as he heaves for air, struggling to regain consciousness. If the sigils burn and hurt this much, it means someone gave him a command he resisted.

Why did he resist? He’d never disobey Terzo, of course.

But then, ghouls must obey Papa. And Terzo is not Papa anymore. Did Nihil give him an order? Something he refused to do, to the point that old man had to use The Pact to force him to?

If this is a nightmare, then Omega wants to wake up immediately. Blood stains his mask when he flattens his palms over the eyes, pressing vigorously. He wants to claw his eyes out, because the sight it’s too gruesome when his vision ultimately goes back to normal.

There are bodies laying around. Bodies he recognizes, of course. There’s one in particular he’d identify anywhere, here and in the end of the world, by smell and touch only. That’s a body he clung to uncountable nights, a body he praised and worshipped the same way a mortal reverences a god.

The screaming grows much louder. Omega crawls further, stopping in horror only as he recognizes what is in front of him. He falls back again, head shaking and pupils tiny in his too big irises.

Terzo’s head. He had Terzo’s head on his lap, dropped it in the midst of his panic. He’s covered from head to toe in the Emeritus brothers’ blood, in his lover’s blood.

Becoming a prey of his own despair, Omega curls on the floor, hands blindly reaching for Terzo. The weight of his head becomes a bitter comfort. He keeps it close to his chest as he sways back and forth, over and over again.

It takes long minutes for Omega to discover he’s alone in the room. Yet, the wailing never stops.

No one is screaming.

No, it was just him all this time.

Ps: I don't know man, i'm too sleep deprived to actually think about the consequences of my actions.

#ghost band fanfic #papa emeritus iii #omega ghoul #terzo x omega #terzomega #my writing #my fics #ghost band angst #writing sessions

[anyoneseenadam]

Hey can you please do a azriels reader where the reader is really struggling with bad mental health (maybe an Ed) because I’m really struggling rn myself and also there are not enough of those :). I can totally understand if you don’t want or don’t feel comfortable doing it ♥️

pairing: Azriel x reader (acotar)

wanrings: mental health descriptions, mentions of depression, eating disorders and self harm, but asides from that just soft, fluffy Az

a/n: so this is pretty self indulgent, and make sure you read the warnings because its pretty dark at some points, let me know what you think and also follow @anyoneseenadamtaglist if you want to be on my taglist <33

The days felt longer. They started dragging on and on a few months ago, old habits from your teenage years rearing their heads and pulling you back into the murky, dark water they held you under. You couldn’t breathe, ever, lungs always too tight. Your skin ached and every time you looked in the mirror you had to fight the urge the rip it from your body, permanent tears staining your face. And the days were so, so long.

You had been in pain for years, for as long as you could remember. You couldn’t remember the happiness you had been consumed by only a few weeks prior. You couldn’t remember the happiness you felt on solstice morning when you were 8 years old. You couldn’t remember happiness from any point at you life, not one instance of joy springing to your mind.

You felt like you were trapped in the shell of your body watching as someone else says and does things for you. An insecure monster controlling you making you powerless against her as she’s mean to people so they’re not mean to her, cutting people out before they can do the same to you, hurting you before anyone else can. You hate the things you say yet you can’t do anything to stop yourself. Your family, your mate, say they don’t mind but even if they don’t hate you, you hate yourself. And you hate the monster.

You want to tear the monster from under your skin, cut her out, burn her to ash and be rid of her forever. You dreamed of it, nights spent watching the clock hands click from second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour, as you pictured yourself with a flaming sword tearing the monster down. But as you stood over the torn-up body, you would always feel too light. Your feet would rise off the floor, and you’d fly so high that you’d wish you could simply touch the ground again, feel the dirt between your toes.

It was always one way or another, deep under water or breathless in the cold air. You were helpless against the monster – yet you were nothing without it. And if you weren’t worth anything without the monster controlling you, then why were you still here.

Azriel noticed as soon as you stopped eating. You were growing frailer and weaker everyday, shadows deep under your eyes even though he spent every night curled around your body, trying to will you to sleep with his body heat every night. But it was like you weren’t even there.

Your eyes were vacant, and you didn’t speak to him anymore. You stayed in bed all day, eyes dry as you stared unblinking at the clock or wet as you sobbed into you pillow, breaths harsh and fast. But even when he held you, rocking you as you cried and holding your face in his scarred hands, tearful eyes begging yours to look at him with any sense of recognition.

You didn’t want to hurt him. You were banging on the glass between you and your control, screaming and sobbing and trying to reach the man you loved. But you couldn’t tear the wall down no matter how hard you tried, so you stayed vacant, and you stayed away.

Azriel had a mission. He didn’t want to go; he was afraid to leave you alone when you were still so deep down in your head that he wasn’t sure you would pull through. And he couldn’t lose his mate, the one person that kept him sane for so many years – who loved him and cared for him as much as he loved and cared for you. He wouldn’t lose you.

But alas duty calls. So as he stood by the door and held you tightly, kissing your cheeks - twice on each side, then your nose, chin and finally mouth. He never wanted to let go, he wanted to hold you close forever and will you better with his own two hands.

“I’ll be okay,” you whispered into his chest, not even believing your own words as you forced a smile to ease his nerves. But nothing could cool the sick feeling in his stomach when he kissed your bony hand, wrist so fragile he feared he would break you.

“I know darling. Because my best girl doesn’t give up, eh?” He lifted your chin with his hand, “And someone has to clean me up when I get back.”

You laughed but it rang hollowly through your chest, the sound empty and meaningless when your eyes didn’t sparkle the way they usually did, and your head didn’t tilt back as it usually would.

He eventually brought himself to leave the warmth of your home, anxiety deep in his stomach even after he was given reassurance after reassurance that his family would check up on you as often as possible. But even then he rushed his mission, gathering and distributing information as quickly as he possibly could, learning everything he needed to know and amping up his techniques when it came to the extraction of said information. He almost felt bad for the helpless scum under his blade, but any remorse was quickly overshadowed when he thought of your sweet, sad eyes. And how lonely you must feel.

He wanted to be back in bed with you, where he could help you. He was going to make you feel better if it was the last thing he did because he loved you more than life itself, and he wouldn’t give up on you.

You had almost given up on yourself. You were completely unaware of how much he had an impact, because as soon as he left you felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on top of you. Now you had to climb into an empty bed and pull the sheets tight around your shoulders, and warm your own soup when you tried to force some down. You had taken to eating a spoonful whenever you felt like you would faint, but even that was bland and tasteless, no matter how much you seasoned it.

Your family also checked up on you. Mor and Feyre bringing flowers and tea – coming to discuss anything and everything, but they usually left after less than an hour when you couldn’t reply with more than short, clipped words. Cassian would stay for longer, a strong arm around your shoulders as he sat with you in silence, your relationships sibling-like and comforting. But even that was too much and you would have to shrug him off when you grew overwhelmed. With everyone else it was friendly visits, bringing soup and making sure you were still alive. And everyone was tiring you.

When Azriel finally returned home, you were paper thin and your skin had dulled beyond belief, paled and ashy. Your shoulders were hunched, hands were shaking, and your eyes watered as soon as they met his. You wanted to wail and sob and scream at him for leaving, and you wanted to fall into his arms and let him fight away your pain for you.

But you settled, muttering a small, “Hi.”

Your voice was quiet and sad, he could barely hear you over the sound of his own heavy breaths and he reached for you with shaking hands, frowning when you crossed your arms around your body, eyes glistening.

“You were gone for so long,” you whispered, stepping closer to him slowly, “Gone for weeks.”

“No darling, I was only away for a few days,” he felt panic rise in him, “I’m sorry, but I’m home now and my best girl needs my help now.”

“I’m okay, really. I feel much better.” You tried to force some light into your voice, but he frowned regardless, seeing through your lies like water on a clear day. He stepped towards you and rested his hands on your biceps, not gripping too tightly in order to not overwhelm you.

“Baby…” he implored you to tell him the truth, tugging on your bond gently and stooping to look into your eyes. They weren’t empty anymore, filled with pain and remorse as everything inside you fought to reach out to him.

“I- I just,” you tried to speak, the words bubbling up in your throat as tears filled your eyes. Azriel watched, heartbroken, as the tears spilled over your delicate lash line and fell down your pretty face, staining your dull skin as he instantly moved forward – pulling you into his arms and shushing you as he rocked you gently in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into his chest, voice shaky and coming out quickly as you gripped him tight – fingers twiddling and toes curling as you tried to fight the itching under your skin. “I don’t know what’s wrong I just feel… bad.”

You couldn’t find the words. Your voice was stuck in your throat and as a million thoughts flew in through your head, you couldn’t pick one out to explain to your mate why you were the way you were.

“I know my love, and that’s okay.” His voice was so soft as he rocked you, you felt him kiss your head gently before he pulled away slightly – touching your face as you looked at the floor. “Can I take you to the bathroom, a bath will make you feel better.”

You nodded slowly as he gathered you up into his arms, carrying you through to the bathroom as you curled deeper and deeper into him – wishing you could crawl into him, become one being instead of two. He drew a bath, carefully choosing the salts he added and the scent of the bubbles he poured in. He set you down on the closed toilet seat and kneeled in front of you while removing the clothes you hadn’t changed since he left you.

Once you were naked he lifted you into the tub, the water hot against your skin as you curled your knees into your chest. He took his time washing your hair first, with a small jug he kept beside the sink and your fancy shampoo, anything to make you feel better. Then he conditioned your hair and twisted it up to remove it from your back so he could scrub the dirt from your skin with a cloth and a bar of soap, but you remained sitting still, sniffling. The quiet was suffocating you, but you couldn’t speak, couldn’t move until Azriel was lifting your head gently to wipe your face softly – taking his time to kiss you gently on the cheek as he went.

Once you were clean he pulled the plug on the drain and let the water run down as he lifted you onto the soft mat, wrapping you in a fluffy towel and smiling down at you as you finally met his eyes – kissing him softly on the mouth as your hot tears subsided.

He dried and dressed you, ensuring you felt clean and warm when he sat you in front of the fire with your favourite tea in your hands – letting him strip and remake the bed as you sipped at it slowly, hunger brewing in your stomach. That could wait until morning however, your heart still so heavy when you put your mug down and crawled into bed next to Azriel.

“Maybe you should meet your therapist again love? She always helps when you get bad again.” Azriel held you to his chest as his eyes focused on the art you had hung on the wall. He stroked down your back, one hand running up to massage your head gently.

“Yeah, maybe I should,” you still felt bad, but slightly better in a clean bed and clean clothes. You would worry about the rest tomorrow morning, but for now you were happy to finally let the exhaustion that had built up drag you into its plush grip.

You weren’t fixed and the monster still loomed over your shoulder, but you were better lying in your mates’ arms. You could heal and you could get through this again because you needed to, and because Azriel needed you to. You would pull through for him – you’d survive for him. And you’d survive for you.

#acofas #acotar #azriel #acomaf #azriel x reader #acowar #acofs #acosf

[aetheternity]

hola 😎 i have a request for ya! which i do hope you like cause I literally spent hALF aN hoUR thinking of how it should go... anyWAYS, i’m gonna request it rn cause why not? .. anyways—maybe a hc for Levi, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, and Pieck; their S/O’s favorite memories with them are playing in their mind. They wished it happened again. people thought they (they = pieck, levi, armin - yk)—people thought they went crazy. out of their mind insane. They do often smile, when they hear their S/O’s laugh. They cry when they hear their S/O’s screams. They couldn’t save them in time. they were now dead. // now do keep in mind, that this all happened weeks after their S/O’s death. they felt so useless at the fact that they couldn’t save them in time. the one they loved the most.. totally wasn’t crying while thinking of this shdjf

(Not gonna lie had to read this request a couple times cause I was confused. Hope this is what Anon wanted.)

Erwin

•Being a commander he'd seen way too many people die but never had he ever been this close to one of them.

•When his S/O passed away he'd spent most of his time in his office, burying himself in insane amounts of paperwork.

•Probably isolates from Hange and Levi for a while as well.

•That is until his S/O's memories start to pop up in his head.

•At first he thinks he's just lucid dreaming but soon the "dreams" become too realistic to ignore.

He's listening to his S/O laughing at his corny jokes again.

He's seeing his S/O pout at him when he's still in his office after hours.

His S/O's smile shines so bright and so deep he can practically reach out to touch them all over again.

•After the third occurrence of these "dreams" he's going to Hange.

Levi immediately tells him he's gone insane.

Hange is definitely laughing the second he brings up the idea that his S/O's memories were transferred to him.

(Kinda weird how judgey they are when they fight man eating giants and have a literal titan on their team but ok.)

•More people find out and of course they don't take it too seriously but Erwin always feels his heart race when he gets a new memory of his S/O.

•He'd put his head down on his desk. Or lay back in his chair to watch every bit of it unfold.

•He's slowly repressed the image of his S/O's bloodied corpse from weeks prior. The sound of their screams and replaced them with every memory he now possesses from them.

•They're his little gifts.

Pieck

•She's got pictures of her S/O in so many different situations all over the place. In her titan, in her room, some kept in her wallet.

•Hasn't taken down not one since they died.

•Probably started contributing less to any conversations she had with any of her fellow comrades.

•Tho Reiner and Porco refuse to leave her side for too long.

She'll ask them for an hour alone and less than a minute after the hour is up there they are.

They just know how painful these kinds of situations are and even if Pieck's not crying in front of them they can see the pain in her eyes.

•She's secretly glad for their support.

•When she starts seeing her S/O's memories she probably cries the first couple times.

Doesn't tell Porco and Reiner or anyone for that matter until they walk in on her sobbing her eyes out while holding something precious of her S/O's

Porco thinks she's lost it but Reiner is immediately trying to reason and understand what she thinks she's seeing.

•Slowly but surely she's allowing herself to feel everything she'd been holding back once she sees her S/O squeezing the life out of a cute stuffed bear she'd gotten them. The smile on their face etched into her memory all over again.

•Everyone is definitely still confused about what she thinks she's seeing because she didn't.. eat her S/O???? But they've grown to just accept it.

Mikasa

•This girl has spent weeks after her S/O died in a state of Libero

•She's there but she's not there.

•It shows on her face to Eren and Armin but like everyone else is kinda just seeing the normal Mikasa.

•As soon as she has nothing going on. She's in bed under the covers or sitting at her S/O's grave.

Falls asleep there from time to time and has to be brought back inside. (Probably by Jean/Armin.)

•When she starts to see her S/O's memories she's kinda awestruck.

Sees her S/O falling asleep on her shoulder but it's not from her point of view??

She's so confused but for the first time since the night after she couldn't save them she actually sleeps through the whole night.

The beautiful memory of her S/O's hair flowing in the wind now a distant memory.

•She wakes up to her tears staining her pillow, hair a wild mess and Armin and Eren standing over her.

She'd managed to over sleep somehow.

•When she tells Armin and Eren they're skeptical to say the least. Armin is trying to figure out how something like that could be possible while Eren is doubting it and saying Mikasa was dreaming.

•But to her it was so real.

•She'd felt her S/O for the first time since they’d died so many weeks ago. Somehow.

Armin

•Armin is breaking down left and right.

Sometimes over breakfast

Sometimes after training

•Poor boy is a hot mess. He can't get those screams out of his head. Watching your body slowly crumble away. Your blood spilling over the ground as a titan devoured your quickly draining corpse.

•Sometimes he just holds his head in his arms and rocks back and forth.

He couldn't do anything and now you're gone for good.

•He's got titan memories sure but after a while yours start to pop into his head too.

•He loses his breath as he sees you in his arms again, nuzzling into his chest laughing into his skin.

•He just breaks down again.

•He's like.. "explaining" what he's seeing to the rest of the squad through like tears and muttled breaths and everyone except Mikasa is all like 🤔🤨

•And then Mikasa translates and she's like, "He's seeing his S/O's memories.

•Literally no one has the heart to tell him that it makes no sense. The poor boy's been a mess for weeks. 😭

•They kinda just.. all accept it and like Eren even starts to ask what Armin had seen that day or that night.

•Eventually they think either Armin is really keeping up this charade or he's genuinely got his S/O's memories lodged in his noggin with Berthot's

•And honestly it's better this way because he's functioning so much better now.

Levi

•Spends the first couple weeks being oddly silent.

•He's buried in paperwork anytime anyone sees him in his office. (Like Erwin)

•Erwin and Hange made an attempt. And by attempt I mean Hange went in when Erwin told her to just leave Levi alone and Levi kicked her to the curb.

•Boy gets all soft late at night. Curled up in his chair with the pillow his S/O slept on and his eyes full of tears. Rocking himself as he envisions their voice, their hands..

•And then suddenly he's not anymore

•They're in his memories!

Or well.. their memories are in him.

•He's watching them cry about tough training as they curl into his lap.

•He's seeing their eyes sparkle as he hands them tea.

•If it were possible to hug a memory he would.

•He's not telling a living soul about these memories that aren't his popping into his brain

Because he doesn't need to be told he's probably imagining it.

Because he's got something beautiful to hold on to

Because they're his soulmates precious last gifts to him and they'll die with him.

•Hange definitely finds out something though but oddly enough she's as chill as she can be.

•Levi's little secret is safe with her.

#aot x reader #erwin headcanons #pieck headcanons #mikasa headcanons #armin headcanons #levi headcanons #snk x reader #erwin x reader #pieck x reader #mikasa x reader #armin arlert x reader #levi x reader

[fleursowl]

James & Sirius friendship drabble

this is for @gaeilgelupin because it’s her BIRTHDAY GO WISH HAN A HAPPY BIRTHDAY RN!! han i love u millions u r the james to my sirius <3

never saw one without the other, did you? you’d have thought they were brothers

it was the fourth week into the summer holidays, and James had yet to hear from Sirius

now, if you asked James, he would say he was a pretty relaxed person. prone to fits of excitement, sure, but all in all? a calm, cool, collected guy. (not everyone agreed with this)

however, his calmness had a breaking point. and that breaking point was neither him, nor remus or pete, having heard even a whisper from sirius all summer- even their two-way mirrors had been silent since sirius had arrived at grimmauld place

neither remus nor peter had heard from him either, which was particularly bugging james as no matter how bad sirius’ summers had been previously, sirius always managed to write to remus at least once

after not being able to stand james’ constant fretting any longer, euphemia had invited remus to stay midway through the summer, hoping the mild-mannered boy would be a calming influence on him

this did not have the desired effect however, as james now had a person to bounce his fretting off, and after a week into remus’ stay euphemia was beginning to feel like pulling her hair out

however, this all rose to a climax one warm august evening, where euphemia and fleamont had stayed up late playing gobstones in the living room with james and remus in an attempt to distract them from their worries

james was in the middle of doing a victory lap around the room, crowing his victory, when two bodies stumbled out of the fireplace in a pile of soot and ash and- what was that smell?

all members of the potter house jumped back in surprise, wands drawn and at the ready, only to find it was regulus clutching what looked like sirius’ body to his chest, his eyes wide and imploring

“i can’t stay, i have to go back. you have to help him- don’t ever let him come back.” he urged, depositing sirius’ body onto the carpet, and with that, he turned back and stepped into the fireplace, shouting “grimmauld place!” before disappearing in roar of flames

the firelight gave effie a chance to momentarily glimpse sirius’ face and she let out a noise james had never heard from her before, falling to her knees beside sirius on the carpet and pulling his head to rest in her lap

“fleamont, please contact dumbledore immediately. james, go get my emergency aid kit.” she commanded, her voice shaking but firm as she waved her wand over sirius’ body, her eyes intent on his twitching body

james and remus stared at sirius, lifeless in effie’s arms, and a sob escaped remus’ throat, a hand clasping over his mouth as he collapsed next to effie, desperate hands frantically trying to find something to do to help

in the meantime, james had run to get the emergency kit and passed it to his mother with shaking hands, watching her heal scar after vicious scar on sirius’ body, tapping her wand against his chest and nearly sobbing in relief when breath rushed back to sirius’ body, causing him to wake up in a rush, immediately sitting up and letting out a cry of pain, his head landing again in effie’s lap

“where’s… regulus?” he croaked out, reaching out a hand as though he thought regulus would take it. instead james stepped over, grasping sirius’ hand in his like it was a lifeline

“he’s gone back, sirius. are you…” words choked james’ throat as he surveyed the broken body of his best friend, his brother, and he turned to remus in the hope that he would be able to say something, but remus was already clutching sirius’ hand, tears pouring down his cheeks and clearly beyond speaking

after a few more minutes of tense silence, the only noise being sirius’ occasional groan or whimper of pain, james finally forced the emotions back out of his throat and managed to articulate again. “is he going to- is he going to be alright?” he stammered to his mother, and she paused momentarily in her healing of sirius to run a soothing hand through his hair

“he’s going to be just fine, he’ll just need a while to recover. is the spare bedroom tidy?” effie reassured, and james closed his eyes and thanked whoever was listening that he’d been blessed with her as a mother. “it’s tidy, but i’d rather stay with him. can’t he stay in my room with me and remus?”

euphemia potter looked up from her healing of sirius into the wide, watery eyes of her son and his best friend, and knew there would be no arguing with them. sirius would be staying in james’ room.

sirius woke up sharply the next morning in james’ bed, gasping for breath and looking around wildly. after clearly not recognising where he was, he started thrashing and crying out again, waking up james who was curled up next to him

“hey… hey, sirius, it’s me, prongs, i’m here mate, you’re at my house” james did his best to soothe the terrified boy, nervous hands flying all over his body before deciding his shoulders were the best place to rest them

“i’m at your house?” sirius whispered, wide eyes looking like they couldn’t quite believe it when james nodded back at him. “at my house. you’re safe, sirius.” “safe.” sirius repeated back to him, his hands trembling and curling over james’ chuddley cannons duvet

“safe, padfoot.” james promised, lying back next to sirius and putting a tentative arm over his bandaged chest so that even in his sleep, sirius would know he was with people who loved him

over the next few days sirius gradually grew back into himself, the worst day being when dumbledore visited and sirius was forced with trembling hands to recount the events of his last night at grimmauld place to a room of euphemia, fleamont, dumbledore, james and remus. after dumbledore had asked a few follow up questions and promised he would sort things out sirius had collapsed into remus’ waiting arms, allowing the boy to lead him back to james’ bedroom where the three boys stayed for hours, just sitting quietly in each other’s company on james’ bed

a week later the worst of sirius’ wounds had healed and he accompanied fleamont on a trip to london, which he returned from laden with bags and grinning ear to ear.

“i can stay! forever!” he crowed as soon as he got back, throwing himself at james and nearly tackling him to the ground. james couldn’t believe his luck- not only was his best friend out of the worst place he’d ever heard of, but he was moving in with him!

the three marauders immediately ran to the potters’ spare room which had been given happily to sirius. however, the thing that shocked sirius the most was that he was allowed to decorate it however he wanted- hence the trip to london with fleamont

“merlin pads, how many bloody bowie posters do you need?” james grumbled from where he was stood on top of a chest of drawers, getting his fingers tangled in spellotape as he attempted to stick up his fifth david bowie poster as of yet, snorting at sirius who was busy not helping and instead had chosen to twirl around the room to the music blasting out of his brand new record player

“oh i don’t know, i think he has more of freddie mercury.” remus grinned, ignoring sirius’ indignant protests and tugging him in by the waist to press a kiss to his hair.

sirius’ offence was of course, a pretence, as when he stood in his room in the arms of his moony watching james wobble off the chest of drawers with a yelp, crashing onto his bed, a warm feeling spread from his chest to the rest of his body, a warm feeling that he felt whenever he looked at james. james, his best friend. james, his partner in crime. james, his fellow marauder.

james, his brother.

#wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #marauders #sirius black textpost #remus lupin textpost #james potter textpost #wolfstar textpost #remus x sirius #starbucks #starbucks textpost #sirius x james #sirius x james friendship #marauders fic #marauders ficlet #marauders fluff #marauders angst #sirius black ficlet #remus lupin ficlet #james potter ficlet #sirius black fic #remus lupin fic #james potter fic

[bokettochild]

Hey Ketto, I'm not sure if you are taking any requests rn, but I've had a rough time of it recently and if it's no bother or hassle, could I request a fic where Time gets comforted by Warriors? Something with cuddles and hair petting, and Time getting to be held. Only if it's no bother. - Nick @thesacredtwink

Of course, Nick!

Sorry I didn't see this until just recently, but I whipped up something for you as soon as I could. I hope it helps, luv, and if you want more please do not hesitate to ask!

Time has been acting strange since the last switch.

At first, none of them questioned it, after all, leaving the ranch made them all a bit down, Time especially however, their leader usually sprung back to himself within a few days of travel time, going back to making jokes that made the others groan and offering advice and aid to their younger heroes. This time however, Time had only gotten worse, the shadows under his eyes growing nightly, the older hero falling silent and stern and very nearly snappish with the others. Only this evening, Warriors had seen Time lose his temper with Wind when the kid had been bubbling around him all day, and while the sailor took the scolding and tired ‘you’re just too much, Wind’ like a soldier, Wars had seen how the kid had retreated to Twilight and Legend during dinner, clinging to the both of them with misty eyes and keeping himself strangely silent while Time brooded on the other side of the fire.

The captain sighed to himself. If his boys were having trouble getting along, not just adjusting to being on the road again, then it was his place as a father (brother?) to step up and see what the problem was. After all, Time would tear himself up about this later, so he needed to nip it in the bud now before the man did something that would make the following guilt later even worse.

Time was seated on the far edge of camp that evening, and unlike most nights on the road, the man had left his sword in its sheath, himself still clad in his armor as the others shed their excess layers, and a blue ocarina was cradled in his hands, eyes distant and brows pulled low as he stared off into the forest. Not brooding then, sulking, and he wasn’t quite sure if that was better or worse in the moment.

“Room for one more?”

Time’s blue eye flickered to him for a moment with a dark scowl, the man shaking his head tiredly and pulling himself up.

Oh shoot, a royal sulk! Time was usually fine to let someone sit next to him, even when he was brooding, but if it was so bad that he didn’t even want anyone nearby? Oh goddesses, Warriors had his work cut out for him.

Dinner that night was a cold affair, the younger ones trying to prompt Wind into anything resembling conversation as Legend poked the sailor’s side, and the older ones exchanging worried glances as they looked from their sulking leader to each other. Usually, someone would break the stillness with a joke or a tease, but Legend’s snark only made things worse when Time shot the vet a look after he had made a jab at Warriors, and while the captain appreciated the defense of his honor, it was reminding him much too much of the war when Time had been a gremlin ready to wreak havoc on anyone at the nearest hint of insult to his father-figure. And while he rather doubted that Time could pants Legend (no pants, and their leader hopefully knew better now that he was older) it was an uncomfortable reminder of the kid’s worse days when nothing could get through to him and Warriors had to be very careful to hide his flask where the kid wouldn’t find it.

When arranging watches, Time had just grunted and moved to the edges of camp and Warriors found himself wincing.

“I’ll take second watch.” He told the others. “Time’s claimed first- don't ask, that’s what that huff usually means. Wind, you’re on Twilight duty, make sure the rancher doesn’t wander off again this evening, alright?” That earned a smile from the kid however hesitant, and while Twilight looked mildly offended, Warriors mentally blessed the rancher for not protesting the comment.

“Yessir, Cap’n.” Wind offered a sharp little salute, and he couldn’t help but reach over and ruffle the kid’s hair as his chest had swelled with pride. They’d worked on that salute a thousand times and now it was as clipped and smooth as any officer’s, even better than many of his men. Maybe he should have the sailor give his soldiers a few tips he chuckled to himself as the others sorted out watches; Legend taking the one directly after his and Hyrule the one after. Wild was on morning cooking duty, so the kid was ordered to rest for the night to avoid any sort of unfortunate mishaps. Usually, it wasn’t a problem to let the wild Champion take final watch, but if his plans (of course he had plans, did you doubt him?) were going to work out, the kid would need to be well rested to prepare the breakfast he’d asked for in the morning.

Knowing glances were shot his way by the others, Sky and Twilight both clapping his back and Legend tugging his scarf with an impish smirk as the others headed to bed, silent wishes of good luck ringing clear across the camp as he was left alone with their leader while the others settled in for bed.

He waited until the sun had set properly and the snoring of the others had begun rumbling around the camp, Twilight’s throaty snorts and Wind’s rumbling ones mixing with Four and Legend’s more soft snuffling ones. Hyrule and Wild lay silent and curled up, each snuggled into one side of the cuddle pile that had formed with Wind in the center, the sailor clinging to Twilight and Legend both in his sleep and dooming them to be smushed in by the other heroes. Sky, at the head of the pile, drooled slightly in his sleep, apparently uncaring that the others were using him as a pillow, and with one hand lost in Twilight’s dark hair. It made him smile as he took them in, pulling himself up to go and ensure they were all tucked in warmly before he turned his attention to the brooding warrior on the edge of their camp.

Time was still fiddling with his ocarina, eyes downcast and almost misty as the older man sat on the edge of camp, and he had to stop for a moment to collect himself before confronting him; Time looked miserable.

“Guilt hitting you yet for yelling at Wind?” He drawled, coming to sit next to the other and carefully arranging his scarf where time could grab it if needed. The man was no longer a child, but even so the blue fabric was a comfort to most of their odd little family, and scoldings or long talks were always made easier when it was available to hide under.

“A bit.”

“If it helps, he knows you didn’t mean it.”

Time slumped in place. “I still said it. Wind looks up to me now, I-” The other cut off with a sigh, tired eyes and weary heart both dimming as he watched.

“Right then, what’s eating you?” At Time’s startled expression he offered a knowing frown. “I helped raise you, Sap, I know when you’re taring yourself up over something and I’d half to be as blind as you to not tell when somethings hurting you. So, what is it?”

Royal blue blinked slowly, a match for his own and so terribly distant as Time turned back to the forest, thumbs trailing over the smooth porcelain of the ocarina. “I’m worried.”

“For?”

“For Malon.” Oh shit. “She wasn’t feeling too good when we left and-” Time’s face twisted up, eye glimmering as the man stared up at the stars, pain twisting his expression and straining his voice as one hand had wound into the prepared scarf. “I’m not there. Talon’s getting on in years and if something happens when we’re gone-” Time’s voice hitched, not quite a sob but broken all the same, and like a trigger was hit Warriors was already pulling the other man into his arms, holding tight as Time’s shoulders shuddered under his grasp. “I’m worried, Pops.” Came the broken whisper. “What if-”

“Shhhh.” Like a million times before his hands were running through short blonde hair. It had been ages since he’d trimmed either of his boys and Time was getting shaggy again, something he was grateful for. Running his hands through the kid’s hair had always helped him calm, and it seemed to still be effective even ow, Time melting further into his embrace as he hummed softly, rocking ever so slightly in place. “Malon’s a strong woman, she’ll be fine. People get sick all the time, Sapling, this isn’t anything to fuss over.”

“She couldn’t get out of bed the other morning.” Time breathed against his chest, the ocarina falling to the ground as both of the man’s hands had wound into the blue scarf instead.

Warriors tried to steady the stutter of his heart as he clutched the other a but tighter. “Is that so?”

“She’s been awful nauseas too.” Time choked out. “Wars, I-”

“Has she had random dizzy spells and weird cravings? Maybe gets sickened at the mere idea of certain foods but also likes eating things that even a pig would turn away from?” Oh, goddesses let this be right.

Time’s blue eye stared up at him curiously. “Y-yeah, how’d-”

The captain choked back a snort. “She’ll be fine, Time. Ladies get that way sometimes. My own beloved was that way for a while too, it passes in time, and there's few ill effects.”

“What ill effects?” Time shifted uneasily, pulling away to stare at him better.

“Exhaustion mostly, some pain, and loss of sleep, but,” He tilted his head with a knowing grin. “It’s well worth it in the end when she’s okay again. You’ll want to talk to her about it next time we get there,” if the bulge of Malon’s stomach didn’t give her away first. “But she’ll be alright.” Time stared at him in disbelief, brows pulling together in a doubtful frown that had him huffing in mock offence. “Wat, you don’t believe me?”

“Battlefield experience as a medic-”

Wars cut Time off with a snort. “Battlefield nothing! I was fighting my loves illness before the war even started. It’s not something that catches, I’ll have you know, and as long as she takes it easy, something I trust Malon knows as well as the next woman, she’ll be fine.” He reached over to tig Time’s ears making the other shy away with a strained laugh, only earning a hair ruffle “Stop fussing, Sapling, your lady love will live just fine.”

Time actually outed at him for a moment, something which quite frankly looked ridiculous on the man’s face and made him bust up laughing as the other flopped against him. Absently, his hands drifted back into Time’s shaggy hair, humming softly as Time continued to lay in silence, eyes staring up at the stars and ears twitching slowly.

“Tomorrow,” He tugged one flickering ear pointedly. “You need to apologize to Wind.”

“Trust me, I intend to.”

“Good.” He grinned, flopping his scarf across the other’s face. “But for now, rest, kiddo, you’re a right grouch when you're tired and I don’t mind pulling double shift for a night.”

“I’m-”

“Not fine, and not staying up. Past your bed-time squirt.” He tugged the ear again, earning a soft growl from his adult kid as Time shifted.

“I’m still in my armor.”

“Then change.”

Time pulled himself up with a huff, shucking his armor and letting Wars help him with the buckles and belts before the both of them settled down again. Tomorrow night, the leader’s metal shell would need cleaning, but for now, he’d let himself out to be seen and held, head nestled in Warriors’ lap as the captain played with his hair.

Time’s breathes evened out to join the cacophony of rumbling snores of the others. Warriors smiled, ruffling his son’s hair fondly and turning his eyes towards the moon.

#linkeduniverse #linked universe #dad warriors #lu warriors #lu time #lu malon #mentioned #mamalon #more so than usual #time gets grouchy when he worries #hints at #pregnant malon #time is a good husband #warriors is married #feel free to insert your own ship there if you like #for #thesacredtwink my beloved #fluffics

[pasteljeon]

Shadows (m)

summary | he could love you … if only you’d let him in.

genre | venom au, venom!jk, smut, angst

warnings | tentacle porn, oral (female receiving), edging, guk has a fat cock ana oop, size kink, sexual tension, mating cycles, heat sex (yeah, you read that right)

length | 1.9k

notes | i crawl out of retirement for this one (1) halloween fic that i’ve been dyin to write since forever. and, as some already know, this also just an excuse for tentacle porn. :D happy halloween everyone! wish i could’ve written sth longer, but it’s still midterm season for me & i’m beyond buried in work rn :”( regardless, please enjoy!

.

.

.

“Kook.”

Silence. The mass lying in the middle of the room remained motionless.

You sighed, forehead thumping against the one-way glass. Theoretically, you knew he wouldn’t be able to see you, but he could sense you. Feel your presence.

“Kookie. Please.” Your breath ghosted across the barrier.

The darkness shifted, a tendril reluctantly reaching to seek out your heat, pressed against where your palm was splayed on the other side.

“Miss ___.” You flinched, the monotone voice of your assistant startling you momentarily.

“The next trial begins in ten minutes. Should I bring the volunteer in?”

Her perfectly manicured nails tapped against the sleek black clipboard, sharp eyes unimpressed as they note your affection for the containment within.

Living organisms with compositions so extraordinary they were coveted as a chance to revolutionize humanity. A symbiotic relationship, they relied on molecular bonding with a host to survive. A symbiote. The term alien often whispered with every passing of fluttering white lab boats.

Simply put, they were experiments.

And you headed them all.

You glanced back briefly, only to find he’d already retreated, unmoving once more.

.

.

.

The research facility was intimidating, stripped white walls bare and plain, the building expansive and equipped with the latest technology. Endless floors filled with glass walls lining different divisions.

Within these walls, there was transparency. Outside of it, no one knew much at all.

The guilt chipped away at you slowly.

They were real. They felt. They were very much capable of the same human emotions your species processed. They hurt. Felt pain. Each compatibility failure was destroying them.

There were many that did not survive the crash. All that was left, scavenged from the space outreach initiative, were seven uniquely distinct specimens. All the equivalent of a male.

They all had binary identifications, but you gave them something else. A name.

Namjoon. He was exceedingly intelligent. The first few months had been spent attempting to establish ground communications with them. Namjoon had picked up your language easily, and it no longer shocked you to see a massive dark blob flipping through encyclopedias. He liked to read, consuming pages like oxygen. With every routine checkup, you’d deliver a few novels you’d enjoyed in the past. His upper section of his blobbed body would incline, and you’d imagine he was thanking you.

Seokjin was the eldest of the bunch, as concluded by your preliminary findings of their biological structure. Oddly enough, though it had been discovered early on that their kind could sustain themselves on anything, they still preferred human flesh. It didn’t make them dangerous, necessarily—you could teach them human ethics. For the most part, Seokjin tried not to nip at your ankles when you visited. As a substitute, you taught him how to cook. There was a mini kitchen set up in his quarantine, and some nights were spent with him stretching his mass over your shoulder and watching you work.

Yoongi was, kindly put, lazy. He slept most of the day, scarcely reacted when you tried to interact with him. You did, however, discover he liked music. He got speakers. Headphones made his head hurt, he once signed to you. Noise sensitivity.

Hoseok was so human it hurt. He was energetic, restless. He bounced around his containment. His own version of dancing, almost.

Taehyung and Jimin refused to separate. When you first examined them, you’d nearly mistaken them for one entity. Soulmates, if the concept existed in their world. They shared one cell, liked to tussle and fight one another.

Then there was Jungkook. He was shy, barely moved when you first met. If not for the pulse beneath his silk, there was no sign of life at all. You were endeared as he slowly broke from his shell. He liked you. You knew because you were the only one that could get close, that could touch him without repercussions. He’d killed his hosts, regardless of compatibility, thrice before they paused trials. He hated it more than any of them.

But here, they were safe.

And yet here, they were also being harvested. Used. To become the steppingstone in humanity’s evolution. Time was running out, and the private company that spearheaded the research was demanding results.

Here, they are to become weapons.

And you were going to break them out.

.

.

.

“Kook. Jungkook.”

Your voice was urgent, though steady.

Panic setting in heavy in your stomach when you saw him press himself closer to the wall.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I won’t let it touch you. But we need to get out of here, and fast. The building’s going to collapse,” you coaxed. The flames licked your back, warning you of the fire that blazed across the hall.  

He quivered, drawing away from your extended hand.

Fire. Bad. Hurts.

You bit back your gasp. His voice was low, a quiet rumble in your head.

You steeled your nerve. “I know. Bond with me.”

He stilled.

And then—mine. You belong to me. We are one.

And you said, “always.”

He shot to you, sinking beneath your flesh and making a home in the beating of your heart.

.

.

.

You disappeared.

As the building burned, so did all the data and files you’d accumulated over the years. The symbiote all dispersed, you having found a suitable host months prior. Some were friends, some were not. But they all cared, and you knew they would find sanctuary in a peaceful life with them.

So you let them go, and turned over a new page.

.

.

.

You monitored your vitals for the first few hours, fearing the compatibility would elude you.

Will not. Belong together. Us.

His thoughts echoed, though always soft.

“Where do you want to go?” You wondered aloud as you fingered the plane ticket in your hands.

Hungry, he said instead. You could feel him gnawing at your liver. “Don’t do that. You might accidentally split it.”

If he had lips, you imagined he’d be pouting.

Where we going? You had the feeling he was trying to read the slip.

“Somewhere cold.”

You hate cold.

“You hate the heat.” The first calls for boarding had you wheeling your luggage to the gates.

Don’t care. As long as we are together. Can go anywhere.

You smiled down at your passport, cheeks warm. “Yeah.”

.

.

.

It took time to adjust to a completely different lifestyle. Your previous line of work had compensated your risk generously, and you’d had enough foresight to invest and save wisely.

Here, you’d picked up a job as a pharmacist at one of the local drug stores. It was terribly mundane, but you found you liked this kind of routine. It was a welcomed change from the scars you’d collected. A sense of normality.

It was October when everything changed.

Jungkook had been restless lately. Distant. Withdrawn.

It’s like he’d curled up in the corner of your mind. Lethargic.

You knew the symptoms.

“Kook.” He stirred faintly at the sound of your voice.

Lover. He rumbles lowly, rousing slowly.

“Your heat. It’s coming soon.” You rolled over, the sheets pooling at your waist. A tendril wraps itself loosely around your calf.

Yes.

“What will you do?”

Another tendril creeps up your stomach, squeezing your breast firmly.

You.

.

.

.

Their heats were intense. Nothing like you could’ve ever imagined. While they only occurred once a full cycle, the need overwhelmed them, made them ravenous and delirious. And a human host? They served as aphrodisiacs. Enhanced the craving until it all but consumed them.

You woke in a feverish haze, a thin sheen of sweat coating your skin, panties shoved aside and thighs smeared with wetness.

“J-Jungkook!” You gasped, back arching as he fucked you harder.

“Love. My love,” he rasped, fingers curling, watching you come undone with dark eyes.

It was also the only time they could fully materialize.

He was ethereal, pupils blown out, a thin ring of gold visible in the ebony that threatened to swallow it all. Completely naked, tanned complexion stretching over corded muscles, he hovered over you, arms braced next to your head. His hair was soft, luscious and long, falling in waves over his forehead. Darkness mirrored his every movement, his true form rippling beneath the surface.

“Want you. Need you,” Jungkook groaned, gaze smoldering as he fisted your sleep tee. “Please.”

“Since you asked so politely,” you managed breathlessly. You took his hand and slipped it underneath, guiding it until he traced the underside of your breast.

He ripped the fabric apart, buttons flying as he shoved the offending material off your shoulders. “Need. Can’t control. Please.”

In spite of the inferno brewing within, he remained your ever sweet Jungkook. The shadows drew closer, the touch soft though frantic, mapping your body in long strokes. He buried his face in your cunt, abnormally long tongue driving you crazy with every lick.

“K-Kook, I c-can’t,” you sobbed, fingers gripping his locks as he coaxed another orgasm from you easily.

His palms, warm and large, spread your legs apart. His cock was intimidating, tip angry and throbbing, a tantalising vein running along the side. He was dripping with something akin to precum, the substance slightly lighter and thicker than the human equivalent.

The dark tendrils snaked around you just as he slammed into you.

Your moan was lost to his lips, kiss messy and wild, your mind blanking with every thrust and the stroke of his tongue. His tentacles tweaked and pulled at your nipples, twisting and teasing, others suckling at your clit while some were wrapped around his length, providing ridges that edged your sensitive core.

“Mine. Mine. Ours. Breed,” Jungkook chanted, the grip of his shadows tightening as if to brand their shape to your skin. It was too much.

“Y-yes, Koo, need you, need you just like this,” you cried out, walls spasming around him as you reached your high once more.

The bedframe rattled loudly, Jungkook’s pace increasing inhumanly as he pounded into you. “N-ngh—ah! L-love, so perfect, made for me. Thank you, thank you,” he moaned, hips stuttering as he came, filling you up hotly. So much it spilled from where he remained inside of you, dripping down your thighs.

His forehead rested against yours as he fought to quell his hunger for just a moment longer. Though his release brought brief clarity, the lust was already beginning to trickle back in. His cock twitched, the ache so profound his shadows latched onto you harder.

Your legs wrapped around his back, eyes soft as you said, “I’m all yours. Don’t hold back.”

Jungkook exhaled shakily. “Make me crazy.”

He nuzzled your neck, even as his dick pulsed, he pushed his nose into your jawline and whispered, “Lover. You and me. Until the end.”

#ksmutclub #ggukienet #networkbangtan #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #bts smut #smutcentralnet

[masc-reader-insertss]

Comfort- kyle spencer

i'm rewatching coven rn and i've been thinking about writing this for so loooong. reader is a warlock staying at the academy, and he and kyle have been dating for over a year when kyle dies. after his boyfriends death he completely shuts down, until he finds out that he has been resurrected by zoe and madison. reader runs to kyle's house to see him, only to find him covered in blood, terrified and confused.

TW!! mentions of death, sexual abuse, dysphoria, suicidal thoughts and self harm

——

y/n had seen a lot of death in his life. at only five, he's been the sole survivor of the brutal murders in his home. the event had traumatised him, and left affected him how whole life. after his parents murder, he had been taken in by his grandmother, and she became the one he was closest too. she taught him everything he knew about witchcraft, he'd been raised on tradition, just like his grandmother had, and when his powers began to show when he'd turned sixteen she had been there to guide him. he was a psychic, only able to see the past at first. as soon as he made contact with someone, he could see into their past. not long after his powers first manifested, he was overwhelmed with death again. his grandmother had fallen gravely ill, a brain tumour was the diagnosis. she's only lasted another week, and y/n was destroyed. on the day of his grandmother's funeral, already so emotionally drained from loosing his only other parental figure, he'd been told that his powers were becoming too strong to go without proper guidance anymore, and since his grandmother had passed, he'd be forced to attend an academy. he was supposed to be sent off to one of the most prestigious warlock academies in the country, but it was clear he would never be able to afford such a place, his grandmother hadn't had much money at all, and it was not anywhere near enough to pay for such a school like that. luckily for him, his grandmother was a very well known, and prized ex student of the robichaux academy, and though there had never been an exception like this before, due to his grandmother status, and the most unfortunate circumstances, cordelia had been willing to help him.

y/n had always been quiet after all he'd been through. he kept to himself most of the time. he'd only been at the party where he'd met kyle because he'd forced himself to try to and finally make friends. he'd already wanted leave only ten minuets into the party, it was all too loud for him, and the smell of alcohol was overwhelming. y/n was sat down on the stairs outside, holding an untouched drink in his hands and staring down at it. "you're new around here, right?" y/n was startled at the sudden voice next to him, and he looked over to the source. a boy his age, with curly blonde hair and the prettiest brown eyes that y/n had ever seen. "yeah.. never been to a party before" he gave a small smile before he spoke up again. "too many drunk people.. not my crowd" kyle laughed, shaking his head a little and holding his hand out for y/n's cup. "i can get you some water, if you want" he offered, and y/n felt his smile widen as he handed the alcohol to the other teen. "thank you.." he gave a small hum, and looked back at his lap, playing with his hands. it seemed like this party wasn't so bad after all.

that night was the first of many that they spent together. kyle was the only person y/n ever fully opened up to after loosing his grandmother. not even a month after they first started talking they developed feelings for each other. any free time they had they spent together, y/n always felt happy with him, and every time they touched, even if y/n always had to keep his hands covered due to his powers, his face would flush red, and he didn't miss the way kyle would look away, as if he were trying to hide his own blush. surprisingly, y/n had been the one to make the first move. they were both curled up on kyle's bed watching a movie when y/n spoke up. "i got something i need to tell you" y/n looked over at kyle, his nerves growing as he waited for a response. kyle hummed quietly and reached for the remote to pause the movie. y/n was different to anyone else kyle had met before, he felt more comfortable with him than he'd felt with anyone else. he was the first person that he hadn't grown up around that he'd come out to, and of course y/n accepted him, in fact he was the only person to know who didn't see him any differently afterwards. "what's up" he smiled, tilting his head a little while he listened to y/n

y/n hesitated before he continued to speak, biting his lip a little. "i- i like you kyle, like.. really like you" he spoke so quietly kyle almost couldn't hear him. "and i know you probably don't feel the same way but i just- i needed to tell you and.." before y/n could even think he leant in to kiss kyle, and as soon as their lips touched y/n knew that kyle felt the same way, he could see it. when they both pulled back they both grinned at each other, and kyle took y/n's gloved hands, holding them gently. "i like you too" he leant in to kiss y/n again, at least he attempted to, but all he could do was smile against his lips, and y/n did the same, letting out a giggle. after everything he'd had to deal with in his life, y/n was finally finding happiness.

y/n was always there for kyle no matter what, there were countless nights spent with y/n holding kyle close and comforting him while he cried in his arms, overcome with dysphoria. y/n would always kiss away his tears and gently run his hands through his hair to soothe him while he reassured him that he was the most handsome man he’d ever seen, and it would always end with kyle falling asleep curled up against him. y/n had never know. what true love felt like till he met kyle, and kyle always told him that he felt the same. the two were so madly in love with each other, there was no denying it.

the night of the party y/n had a feeling something was going to go wrong. it was a gut feeling that he had, and he just couldn't shake it. kyle could tell that something was wrong the moment he'd walked through the door, and when he came up behind y/n to wrap his arms around him he'd flinched. kyle had never seen him flinch before. "hey, what's wrong?" he frowned gently as he leant in to press a kiss to y/n's cheek, and y/n signed quietly, placing his hands over top of kyle's hands. "i just.. feel weird.. like something's off" he mumbled, turning his head to kiss kyle for a moment. "if you don't wanna be here, we can go hang out in the frat's bus till the party's over" he offered, but y/n just shook his head. "i'm sure it's nothing.. i'll be fine" he forced a smile and looked up at kyle. he didn't want to ruin the party for his boyfriend, whatever it was, it couldn't have been anything severe. he would have been able to see whatever it was if he needed to, he was sure of it, but when he'd seen kyle run off frantically after the rest of his frat brothers not even half way into the party though, he began to wonder if he'd been wrong.

y/n began follow after his boyfriend till he was joined by zoe. "those sick fucks- they hurt madison!" she yelled, and y/n frowned in confusion, following zoe out of the house as they chased after the group. "kyle was chasing after them, like he was pissed at them or something.." he mumbled. before they even had a chance of catching up with any of the guys from the frat though, the bus was already speeding off down the road. "they can't get away with this.." zoe whispered as they both watched the bus. "whatever they did.. kyle won't let them get away with it" y/n looked over at madison as she joined them silently, and he pulled off one of his gloves to gently place his hand on her arm, and what he saw made him want to be sick. he knew now why kyle had been so frantic as he left.

y/n wrapped his arms around himself as he looked back at the bus. "how could anyone-" y/n was cut off when he watched the bus his boyfriend was in go flying through the air, and in that moment he could feel his heart stop. the bus tumbled down the road, and y/n brought his hands up to his mouth in a silent scream, dropping to his knees. the world around him seemed to fall silent as he hit the pavement below him, he could only hear a distant screaming, and he soon realised it was his own as he curled over on the ground, sobs of pain radiating through him. the bus had come to a stop now, and y/n scrambled to get up, his shaking legs giving out each time he tried to stand. "kyle- oh god" he whimpered, looking over at the bus that lay still only a few yards down the road. the love of his life was in that bus right now, and y/n already knew he was dead. he understood now what that feeling deep down inside was now, and kyle was dead because he hadn't listen to that feeling.

y/n shut himself off after that night. he had barley slept, every time he closed his eyes he saw kyle's lifeless eyes staring back at him, and he would break out into hysterical sobs, clawing at himself till he bled. nothing anyone could say would bring him any comfort, and he spent almost all of him days curled up in his bed staring at the wall till he would inevitably pass out from sleep deprivation, and even then, the nightmares would wake him up not long after. it was always the same one, the morgue, kyle's mutilated body laying on the examination table, and he'd always wake up screaming again. all he wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms again, without kyle it felt like a part of him was missing, and he'd never feel whole again.

"y/n.. you have to talk to us" zoe sat outside the door to y/n's room, leaning her head against the door. y/n hadn't spoken a word to anyone since the night kyle died, and they were all worried about him. they could all see just how much y/n and kyle loved each other, any time they were around each other it was obvious, it was the only time y/n ever truly smiled, and so they all knew just how much it killed him when he died. that was why when madison had suggested the absolutely insane idea of bringing kyle back to life, she had agreed. it was risky, they barley knew what they were doing, and it was even more risky when they decided to give him a new body, it didn't feel right to bring him back in the body that had caused him so much pain before he died. they weren't even sure if it would actually work, but when it did, it was obvious that it hadn't worked the way they intended it to. kyle was alive, but he didn't seem at all human.

zoe wanted to tell y/n that kyle was alive, but she felt like seeing him this way would only hurt him even more. they'd tried everything they could to fix him, but nothing worked. it was a last ditch attempt, the only thing she could think of that might help fix him would be to take him back home. there was a small click, the sound of y/n turning the lock, and then the door slid open, y/n slowly peaking out from the open door. "i miss him" was all he said, and he sounded so broken that zoe just had to tell him. "he's alive.. we brought him back but- but he's not.. him" zoe looked over at y/n, and his eyes widened at her words. "where is he?" y/n whispered, his mind raced as he tried to process what he'd just heard. "he's at his house, i wasn't gonna tell you yet because something went wrong.." y/n leapt forward and threw his arms around zoe, hugging her as tight as he could. "thank you" his eyes brimmed with tears, but for the first time since that night, they were tears of happiness. kyle was alive, and he was going to see him again.

no matter how many times zoe tried to warn him, y/n didn't listen. the only thought on his mind was seeing his love again. as y/n arrived at kyle's house, he could immediately sense something was wrong. the door was already open when he went to knock, and when he called out, there was silence. slowly he made his way through the eerily silent house, and when he reached kyle's room, he let out a gasp at the gruesome sight in front of him. kyle's mother lay dead on the floor, her head wide open. y/n stumbled back in shock, spinning around when he backed into something. it was kyle, he was standing right in front of him, covered in blood. y/n was silent for a moment as he looked up at him, tears rolling down his face when he finally spoke "what did you do kyle.." he whispered as he slipped off his gloves and reached up to cup kyle's face, flinching when his wrists were grabbed. "i'm not gonna hurt you" he spoke gently, looking up into kyle's terrified and confused eyes, and when kyle slowly released his grip y/n reached up to hold his face, his eyes widening while he let out a sob at everything that flashed through his mind. "oh god.. i'm so sorry" he cried as he pulled his hand back, throwing his arms around kyle. kyle let out a grunt, leaning against y/n as his arms hung limply at his sides. y/n could see now what zoe meant. kyle was here, but he was different, in a bad way.

y/n pulled back and looked up at kyle, reaching a hand up to brush his hair out of his face. "you're covered in blood.. let's get you cleaned up" he spoke softly, taking kyle's hands to gently lead him to the bathroom. he could see the scar around his neck under his shirt collar, and it made his heart hurt to think about just what he looked like before he'd been sewn back together. kyle could only let out groans and grunts as y/n set him down on the edge of the bath. y/n hesitantly reached his hands forward to begin to unbutton his shirt, his eyes widening as he slipped it off of him. "they didn't tell me they did this.." he whispered as he ran a hand over kyle's chest, looking up at him. kyle stared back at him blankly, and y/n knew he probably couldn't understand a word he said. it was like he wasn't even human anymore.

y/n helped kyle into the bath kneeling down to run his hand through his hair. "i'm so sorry.. i should have known something was gonna go wrong that night.. i could have stopped this" y/n watched kyle with tears in his eyes as he stared back blankly at him. "i wish you would just talk to me" kyle reached a hand out shakily and slowly placed it on y/n's cheek, and y/n leant into his touch, closing his eyes for a moment. it didn't feel right, this wasn't kyle. not really. he was only a shell, barely even living. y/n pulled back from kyle's touch to start washing the blood from him. kyle would flinch every few moments, and y/n pulled away after a few minuets with a quiet sigh. "you're making this much more difficult than it needs to be" he mumbled and shook his head, reaching for a towel. he turned around, holding his arms out for kyle to come towards him.

before y/n had even realised his mistake it was too late. kyle shot up from the bath in panic, and y/n stepped back, looking up at him. "i'm sorry kyle, i didn't mean to-" kyle let out a yell, swinging his arms out at y/n, who fell back with a yelp as he was hit in the chest. nothing he could say would calm kyle down, all he could do was cower against the wall as kyle yelled and screamed and stomped around. "i'm sorry.." he whimpered, pulling his knees to his chest as he watched kyle. kyle tugged at his hair as he stomped around. he could hear y/n trying to talk to him, and he wanted to talk back so bad, but he just /couldn't/. he didn't know how. no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get the words out, and it made him so frustrated that all he could do was scream. he didn't want to hurt anyone, but he couldn't control himself. he was scared, so scared, he didn't understand what was wrong with him. he could see y/n, and he was scared, terrified, of /him/. kyle dropped down to his knees in front of y/n, tugging at his hair with a quiet sob. all he wanted was to be normal again, he was sick of being this monster.

y/n hesitantly moved forward to wrap his arms around kyle, and this time kyle hugged him back, burying his face in y/n's neck as he let out another broken sob, mumbling incoherently. y/n held kyle close, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, just like he’d done so many other nights, before all of this had torn their lives apart. "it's gonna be okay, i've got you.. i promise i'll take care of you this time" y/n whispered, stroking kyle's hair gently as he clung to him. y/n didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew that he had to fix kyle, he had to be there for him, he /wouldn't/ fail him this time.

#kyle spencer x male reader #kyle #kyle spencer #ahs #ahs coven #male reader #mlm reader #mlm #achillian #achillian reader #gay fiction #lgbt

[sunflowerhae]

Lifeboat

N.J (2k)

A/N• this is purely indulgent. It also has quite heavy themes, but at this point are any of us surprised. I want to make something clear, the reader doesn’t do what she does bc of what happens with her and Jaemin (I’m trying not to spoil). I mean, that’s just a tip of the iceberg type situation. That being said, if you are having similar thoughts as our dear reader, please call your countries suicide hotline, and/or talk to someone you trust in your life. ALSO, I am not trying to romanticize any of the topics I wrote about, I’m trying to show that even the people that seem to have it all can be just as lost and broken as the rest of us, also that the most important thing you could be to a person is someone who asks them if they’re okay. Sometimes, that’s all a person needs - Someone to listen.

READ!⚠️angst, suicide,character death, drugs, heavy self-hating words, depiction of depression/mental illness, not specified, but insinuates⚠️

{🎵SOTS☁️; Lifeboat, Elle McLemore}

The world seemed to close in on you as you stared at the boy who stood before you with a hardened gaze in his eyes. While you only stood a good 3 feet away from him, you could feel the anger and helplessness radiating off of him, transferring itself onto you in sadness and heartbreak.

“Why?” Was the only thing you could manage to get past your lips.

“Y/n, it’s not that I don’t like you, of course I do. We’ve been dating for 2 years, but I’ve just been... uncomfortable almost the whole time. It’s not your fault, it’s just, your life. I can’t handle being with one of the most popular girls in school. You seem to have it all figured out, and everyone loves you, and I feel pushed to the side sometimes.” You didn’t understand why Jaemin was mad, but the small space under the bleachers where you both stood was enough to suffocate you to the point where you didn’t care to ask.

He didn’t understand.

They never understood.

No one.

You wanted to fight to save your relationship, but the words choked into the back of your throat, just like they did when Soojin would bully people in front of you, and you wanted to scream at her and pull the other person into your arms and whisper that it will all be okay and apologize apologize apologize, but you stayed rigid on her flank, silently trying to survive until you could get to Jaemins arms, or to the bottom of a beer bottle at yet another house party you were constantly forced to attend with your other two friends.

You choose to swallow your spit, and ask him, “is this because of soojin? Did she say something to you?” You knew your “dear” friend had a certain distaste for your long term boyfriend, because - as she had worded it - his kind doesn’t belong next to someone that Soojin had deemed acceptable enough to befriend (you); “His kind” being not necessarily the most popular. Him and his other friends were amazing people, and you wished you would have befriended them on the first day of freshman year, instead of the blonde girl in your Art 1 class that always had a red scrunchie. When Jaemin introduced you to them, you could tell they were hesitate to let you into their life - what with your position within your schools hierarchy system. You honestly didn’t blame them. However, after a while they warmed up to you, and you felt like you finally fit in with people. You thought these people would become your life long friends; long after you’ve left high school and forgotten all about the life you unwillingly lead.

You suppose that is no longer the case.

“No, yes, god I don’t know, y/n. It’s just, everything! You have friends that are bitches, and I never know when you’re just going to leave me and spread some terrible rumor about me!” He was silently yelling now. It was after school, and the football team was on the field - the other side of where you stood - practicing. There were people running on the track, cheerleaders practicing next to the field, leftover students wondering the grounds. Everyone was living, moving on with their lives and turning along with the Earth - why did you feel frozen? Why did you feel like nothing was ever going to keep moving and be okay and the world was never going to be beautiful again?

“Is that what you expect me to do, Jaemin? After two years of knowing me, is that what you think of me?”

“God, y/n, maybe! I see who you align yourself with so I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a bitch just like them!” You understood he was just hurting, like you, but that didn’t make the words hurt any less. You took a couple steps back from his figure with slow nods, before turning around fully and booking your way to your car.

Jaemin watched your retreating figure with tears curling into his eyes. He left not long after you did, still thinking about you on the way home. He didn’t know this at the time, but that was the last time he ever saw you. His first love, his first heartache.

You felt guilty.

You always did. You always had this insistent chewing at your intestines; this constant voice in your head telling you that everyone was better than you, and that you didn’t deserve the praise you got for being a good person.

You tried to fight the words and the icky feelings off with trips to the volunteer center - usually with Jaemin. You went that night, hoping that this constant pain in your heart after hearing jaemins smooth, venom-filled words would choke back and leave your system, like the terrible feelings usually did when you helped people. However, no matter how many people smiled at you, and no matter how many lives you got to help, the feeling only grew more and more.

You are worthless, y/n.

You only do charity work for your own need.

No one likes you.

You’ll never be loved.

Not even Jaemin loves you.

These ill thoughts were a normal occurrence for you. Usually, Jaemin would lay you down, rub your stomach, and whisper in your ear how beautiful you were to him, inside and out.

You were a nuisance and a waste to him, y/n.

The feelings never left, and you could tell people knew something was wrong with you, so you chose to leave the center early. On your way out, a familiar face had asked you where Jaemin was. You pretended you didn’t hear them.

Your room was dark. Usually, if you couldn’t have Jaemin, you would go to your parents. However, they were away at a dinner event for your mother’s work. You would never go to Soojin, and while you loved Haeyong, she had a tendency to tell Soojin about what you two privately talked about; always trying to get brownie points with the blonde girl who seemed to secretly hate her. You figured there was someone you could go to, and it didn’t hurt to try.

Y/n [10:57pm] u up???? I kinda need someone to talk to rn hAha. Read

Y/n [10:59pm] hello? 👉👈 Read

Y/n [11:02pm] Haechan why r you leaving me on read bro?? Ik he’s your best friend, but we don’t have to talk about him, I just need someone to talk to pLS pls. Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:02PM

Haechan [11:03pm] listen y/n we shouldn’t talk anymore, I’m sorry. You were a good friend, but Jaemin was and always will be first to me. And he’s right, we never know when you’re going to do a 180 on us and tell all of our secrets to everyone. We can’t - and never have been able to - trust you. I’m sorry, really. You’re a popular girl. You don’t need us, you’ll forget. When we became friends with you, we didn’t really want to, Jaemin kinda forced us to, I hope u understand. :/ we’ll forget about u, u forget about us. Deal? Read

Y/n [11:04pm] um ok. Sorry for bothering you all, have a good night Read

Y/n [11:03pm] when will u be home?Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:04PM

Mom [11:06pm] not for a while, ask Jaemin to come over if you’re scared of being alone. Read

Y/n [11:06pm] mom i hate to be annoying but can u and dad come home rn??? I need u Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:06PM

Mom [11:08pm] are you dying? Has someone broken in? Are you unsafe?Read

Y/n [11:08pm] um,,,,no Read

Mom [11:10pm] well then no y/n. You know how much this award means to me, I’ve been constantly working lately and finally might get recognized for it. If I leave now, I might not get it. Can whatever you need wait? Read

Y/n [11:11pm] Um yeah. I love u Read

Mom [11:12pm] u too💖 Read

Why were you never first?

Why was there no one who asked you if you were okay?

If there was, what would you say?

See y/n? No one likes you.

You’re a bother to them.

Maybe you should fix that.

Maybe if you made their lives easier, they would love you.

You didn’t deserve their love, but maybe?

Maybe the pills could love you.

They were always there for you.

Maybe, they could help others love you too.

Love love love love.

Maybe.

Maybe.

They say your parents found you in bed.

They thought you were sleeping. I mean, all your lights were off, it was late.

But in the morning, when your mother came to wake you up and saw that your eyes were wide open, well....

They found the note on your desk across the room.

It was dated a year before.

You had written it a year before.

Everyone admitted that it was such a beautiful note. Heartbreaking? Yes. gut-wrenching? Of course. But beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

They gathered everyone into the gym the next day in intervals. Freshman, who didn’t understand what was really happening, but had heard your name and definitely knew who you were, and could put two and two together.

Next, the sophomores. Like the freshman, they only had heard of you. Some had met you, some cried. You were kind, they knew.

After them, the juniors. Chenle and Jisung were sitting in the corner. Jisung was sobbing into Chenle’s lap, while silent tears fell down the olders’ face. You had always been willing to play video games with them, and were such a kind hearted person. They remember last night, when they were all sitting together and haechan had read your texts you sent out loud, and all of them were so busy feeling for Jaemin, that they blindly informed Haechan on what he should say. On how to break your heart. Chenle wished Haechan had called her.

Finally, the seniors. Soojin and Haeyong sat in the back, as always. They were both upset because you had not been answering their texts.

Renjun, Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin were sitting on the other side. They had not been told what the assembly was about, but when the teacher got the call about it, halfway through math, she sat at her desk for a couple of seconds with her head in her hands. They knew whatever the assembly was about was not good.

Haechan was the first to react out of the four.

He whispered your name silently with wide eyes rounded on his face. His mind went to the first time you met him. You played him in a round of Overwatch to get him to warm up to you, and easily beat him. Besides Jaemin, he was probably the one you were closest to.

Jeno just kept looking at his lap with evident tears denting dark spots onto his jeans. Renjun, who was sitting next to Jaemin, couldn’t take his eyes off the boy to his right, terrified that he would faint.

Jaemin felt sick. He knew he looked pale, and his head felt a bit dizzy. He tasted metallic in his mouth, and finally registered that he was biting the inside of his cheek so hard, he was drawing blood. He wanted to leave, but he was too far up on the risers to get down.

Soojin cried. It was uncharacteristic of her, but at this point she didn’t care. How had she not seen it? Was she that self centered that she had really not seen it on you? Her best friend?

Haeyong wished you had called her, wished you had told her. But why would you? She knew she didn’t deserve to hear your heartache, but she still wished.

They read out your note. Your beautiful, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching note. They read it. And the student body listened.

I float in a boat

In a raging black ocean

Low in the water

And no where to go

The tiniest lifeboat

With people I know

Cold,

Clammy and crowded

The people smell desperate

We’ll sink any minute

So someone must go

The tiniest lifeboat

With people I know

Everyone’s pushing

Everyone’s fighting

Storms are approaching, there’s no where to hide

If I say the wrong thing

Or I wear the wrong outfit

They’ll throw me right over the side

I’m hugging my knees

And the captain is pointing

Well who made her captain?

Still, the weakest must go

The tiniest lifeboat

Full of people I know

The tiniest lifeboat

Full of people I know

Lemme know if you’d like a part two? Idk. Like I said this is purely indulgent so it’s not that good sorry :///

#dreamwritersnet #mine #my works #nct #nct dream #sunflowerhae #nct jaemin #nct na jaemin #jaemin #na jaemin #angst #jaemin angst #nct angst #nct dream angst #lifeboat #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #na jaemin x reader #jaemin x reader #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #huang renjun #lee jeno #lee haechan #lee donghyuck #zhong chenle #park jisung #nct 127 #wayv #nct 2018

[sictv]

The Waiting Room

A/N: This is a very late addition to our story archive, the world is craaazy rn! Hope you enjoy it!

TW: Mentions of Suicide

Tags: Death, After Life, Agnst, Spiritual

1.7k words

17+

Sometimes, when you die; you don’t go straight, and you can’t go back…so you just wait. Somewhere there is a waiting room, in a location that cannot be placed on maps. A place that is only described as “A place that time has yet to come” upon entering the room, there are chairs lined up against a wall facing a greeting window, with an empty chair behind it. There is only one entrance and one exit, a guard stands on the inside of the waiting room and only points when a person has been called to the other side. Though there are so many comers and goers, and too many names to remember; there was a young Janet, who had recently passed on, and has now entered the room. When she enters the office, she is met with just a single man sitting in the chair directly in the middle of all the lined chairs. Though she was scared, she still took her seat next to him. With anxiety as her only familiar feeling, she sparks conversation with this man. With her eyes glued to the mans shoes, she shakily offered her hand to him. “…H…Hello, how are you?”

The man took her hand with a smirk, and a soft chuckle. He replied in his strong deep voice, carried by a southern accent “I’ve been better, been feeling a little down since I got here. I’m Randell by the way; but you won’t remember that”   He then cleared his throat fumbling in his pockets for something, pulling out two loose cigarettes, and offering one to Janet. She simply shook her head at his offer, wavying his gesture away. “No thank you, I’m uh Janet by the way” she replied resting her hands in her lap “Oh, not a smoker?” Randell questioned “No, smoking is bad for you. Its put’s people in early graves; too much of a risk” she scolded

Randell couldn’t help but chuckle and tilt his head as he placed the cigarettes between his lips. “Well I can tell ya dying is the least of my worries…anyhow… Nice to meet cha’ Janet, so let us cut the chase…how’d ya go? Crazy ex? Drunk night out gone wrong? Ya look a little young to end up here, how many kids did you have?” 

with every question Randell leaned in closer and closer to Janets face, to the point that his nose is touching her cheek. She leaned away from him, finally looking directly in his face. She though to herself on how Randell doesn’t look much older than her, but he spoke as if he had lived a life far longer than her. “uh. No...no…none of that…I jumped.” She finally said, her words feathering off at the end as her voice became quiet.

  His voiced raised with sympathy when he said “Ahh poor thing, so I guess ya know what’s comin’ to ya when Rahb knocks on the door, huh?” He placed his hand on her shoulder in condolence. Janet shook her head in confusion “Uh…who?”

Randell pointed to the door, where Rahb is standing with his head down. “Him, he doesn’t speak nothin much, but he listens well. Ain’t that right Rahb?” He received no reply from the tall silent man.

Janet looked over and surely there he was. There stands a tall man with chestnut brown skin, dressed in all black. His height on it’s own was shocking, standing at more than 7ft tall, and a veil covering his head. If one didn’t know he was a guard, they may mistake him for death. Janet bought herself back from her shock, “Okay well…uh…no…I don’t know…what’s going to happen to me?” she asked hoping Randell knew the answer, but alas he did not.

Randell just shrugged “Heck if I know, I never go when he knocks for me” Without hesitation Janet had to question him, there are options? She doesn’t have to go? Why doesn’t he go? Is he special?  “Then…how’d you go?” she questioned.

Randell Thought for a second, looking around the room as if the answer is going to pop up in a corner somewhere.  “Well…I…I…I just can’t remember…it’s been so long. I like to think I was a hero or somethin’, but seein’ as I’m here…well; I’m guessin I’ll never know”

Her questions continued “Okay…how long have you been here?” Randell shifted in his seat “Let’s see…I got here sometime after Kennedy got shot” he said quickly, and rather nonchalant Janet shook her head from the shock of his statement “Wait…wait...wait...wait…you’ve been here since Kennedy, the president…was shot?” He shrugged “Bout that time, yes.” Janet couldn’t hide her shock, “That’s almost 60 years! How can you just sit here for that much time?”

“Wow that long? Hm…time don’t come by there, I forgot how long it’s been. Did they ever figure out who did it?”  He asked innocently “I’m not going to answer that it’s not important R…” she paused for a moment, “R…rich..Richard? Ran..Randy? Rob… I’m so sorry, whats your name again?” Randell shook his head, “don’t worry about it, you don’t need to know it” Embarrassed she continued her questions “you never once even thought about going through the door? Wait…if Rahb does not speak…how do you know he’s knocking for you?”

Randell chuckles, sighing and leaning back into his seat. As if he was waiting for her to ask this question. “Well…for a long time…I was the only one here…and occasionally, good ol’ Rahb would give a knock on the door for me, and I’d feel this…pull in ma chest...tellin’ me to go and then Rahb would step to the side and point out. Then…there would be this bright light…of many colors, and I always wanted to go to it, but I just stay my ground, I ain’t too sure what’s out there for me and I’m not ready to find out just yet.”

Janet still wasn’t sure of what Randell meant, “a light? Of many colors? What does that even look like…like stained glass? Or a rainbo-“ She was  stopped by a sudden pulling in her chest, a sensation that immediately brings her to tears. She couldn’t decide if the feeling was painful or just an unfamiliar sensation. She clutched her chest, as if she could take the feeling out with her hand. Almost like if she could just see what was making her feel this way, she could understand her tears. However, no matter how hard she could dig into herself, she would never find it.

At the feet of Randell and Janet is a bright light, of beautiful colors, some Janet had never seen before.

Randell looked over at Janet, wiping some tears from her face. Offering a gentle smile, and speaking softly “That’s it…that’s the light” Her voice shaking from her tears “I…I see that…what do I do?”

Randell once again shrugged “That’s up to you, are you gonna go and face uncertain everafter? Or are you gonna sit here with me? The choice is yours.” Janet thought for a moment, wiping the tears from her face. But no matter how many she wipes away, more fall. She debated with herself over worrying about where she was headed, not knowing what was going to happen was so terrifying but staying with Randell could be just as bad. What if Rahb really knocked for Randell because he was special, what if this opportunity never came to her again. The more she thought about it, the pulling in her chest getting so strong that it was now beginning to be painful.

“If I go…are you just going to stay here? You can’t come with me?” her voice had risen with her question and fallen with her fear.   Randell placed his hand on her shoulder, shaking his head “Not my light…not my knock…you’re on your own for this. You came into the world on your own; sadly, even if you died in a big ol’ group of people, you’d still be walking through that door on your own”

Janet shook her head at him, her simple tears turning into harsh sobs.  “But…I’m scared…I jumped but I didn’t…I didn’t want to die. I mean I did, but…I-I-just thought I would just…not exist anymore. I didn’t know there was more to go through” 

Randell sighed, grabbing her hand. “Darlin’ that’s a record I’ve heard before. It never gets old, because everyone says it a different way. I can’t take the pain of your decisions away but The faster you decide, the less scared you’ll be.” Janet looked over that the door, the pull in her chest now becoming unbearable. She stands and starts to walk over to Rahb and the light. Her footsteps were shaking, her fingers curled into her palms. She turned back to Randell. “Dying…is the least of my worries, right? At least I know it’s not that…It was nice meeting you R.. R…” She chuckled through her tears, the only time she’s laughed since she’d been there. She continued “I hope to meet you again someday” Randell nodded, rising from his seat and handing her the cigarette she refused, he simply said “Death can’t getcha twice Darlin’ “ with those kind words he waved her off.

Gaining a breath of courage, she walks out of the door. The light fades, the door closes and Rahb is standing in front of the door once again. Rahb, in a deep voice that shakes the tiles in the room speaks “Last time your name was Charles, and you died in World War 2” “Randell” laughed, “if I could tell the truth I would, time don’t come round here much”

“Randell” laughed, “if I could tell the truth I would, but people wouldn’t believe me if I told the truth, and besides…time don’t come round here much” he paused thinking of Janet’s tear stained face. “I hope she likes the name I gave her” “Why’d you pick Darlin?” Rahb asked.

“She was sweet, scared, but…I think this time ‘round, she’ll be ready. She’ll live a long life, my Darlin’” He said sweetly.

Rahb just nodded, dropping his head in response.

The door behind “Randell” opened, and a man walked in. Before he looked around to see Randell in the middle of the room, the way Janet did; Randell was gone. And in that same seat sat a little boy.

“Hey mister? Ya comin?” his little voice spoke

-Victoria

#short story #short fiction #sic tv #our story #death #afterlife #kinda wokeish #spiritual fiction

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Loved and Lost

Fandom: Marvel (Royalty AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

As requested by anonymous:  hiii! Can you do an angsty AU where Queen hears rumors that her husband King!Bucky has a mistress or plans on having one ?

A/N: it’s angst and fluff because i’m in such a good mood rn. i dont wanna kill it with writing 100% angst...hope that’s okay, anon!

The words had your heart racing. James, your James, your Bucky, was having an affair with Lady Dolores “Dot” Williams. You overheard her speaking with her friends at last night’s gala and ever since then, your heart and mind were at war with each other.

For several years now, you and Bucky have been together. Before he was king, he was a young lively prince with whom you were friends with and had eventually fallen in love with. It was a match made in heaven with you two. You completed each other. You were two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly. You were in love then and still were now...at least that’s what you thought.

It all makes sense now. His late nights, his excuses. He hadn’t touched you intimately for months nor has his kisses been filled with passion like before. You were losing him. Your love, your king, your Bucky didn’t love you anymore. And it broke your heart. 

Duke Steven, Bucky’s best friend, was the first to notice a change in you. You weren’t as attentive nor playful. Your smiles never reached your eyes and you laugh lacked feeling. Something was wrong and he wanted to know what.

“My Queen, may I speak with you privately?” he asked after everyone was dismissed after lunch. You nodded and led him to the gardens, your place of solace. 

“Is there something wrong, Steve?”

“Well, I was gonna ask you that. You seem...different.”

You looked at him with a curious gaze, “Different?”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but you just seem so...unhappy.”

You nod, “I am. I...at the gala, I overheard Lady Dolores speaking with her friends and...”, you let out a sob. You covered your mouth, muffling your cries. Steve pulled you into a hug and against his chest, you cried, “She said her and Bucky have been intimate.”

Steve pulls you back to look at you, “What?”

You nod, wiping the tears from your eyes, “She said her and Bucky have been secret rendezvous and it makes sense! He’s been coming to bed late, he seems so out of it when we’re together, he hasn’t touched me for so long. I’ve lost him, Steve! “

Steve shook his head, “I don’t-this-this doesn’t make any sense.”

“Doll?” you tense when you hear Bucky’s voice. You look behind Steve to see that he’s standing there with a confused expression on his face. He sees your distress and immediately rushes up to you, “What is it? What’s wrong?” he takes a hold of your hands, but you pry them out of his grasp.

You cried even more, “Leave me alone, James!”

“I won’t! My wife is upset, why would I-”

“Bucky?” You and Bucky stop and turn to see Dot standing there. The sun is beaming right on her and a glint of silver reaches your eyes.

Your eyes narrow and focus on the piece of jewelry set around her neck. It is-no...it can’t be. Dot runs a finger along it and it confirms your suspicions. It’s the locket. Your locket. The locket that Bucky gave to you the day he confessed his love. The locket that belonged to his mother and grandmother before you. The locket that Bucky claimed that he sent away to get cleaned. 

You shake your head, looking at Bucky with red, watery eyes, “How could you?” You immediately run through the gardens, entering the hedge maze, Bucky’s calls for you falling deaf upon your ears. 

Bucky marched up to Dot, fuming, “Why are you still here?! I told you to leave!” his eyes go to her neck to see the locket that should be around your neck, “And where the hell did you that?!”

She glances at it innocently, “Oh this? Just happened to slip into my possessions.”

Bucky grabbed the necklace, yanking it from her neck, breaking the lock, “You stole it, no doubt! This locket is a family heirloom and belongs to Y/N, my wife, and the Queen!”

Dot scoffs, “Bucky, please, you and I both know Y/N’s not really who you love. She’s not really the one who was made to be Queen. I was.” she says with a smirk.

Bucky’s hands roll up into tight fists, “You listen to me and you listen to me good, Dot, what we had when we were teenagers is done. It was done the moment I found out you cheated on me with Brock Rumlow.”

Dot rolled her eyes, “Brock was a mistake and,” she runs her hands over his shoulders, “it’s you who I’m meant to be with. It’s always you.”

Bucky steps away completely confused and disgusted, “You’re delusional! What we had isn’t and never will be as special and beautiful as what Y/N and I have! Get that into your thick skull, Dolores!” he turns to Steve, who’s surprisingly still there, “Steve, get the guards to escort her off palace grounds. I never want her to step foot here again.”

“Okay, but what’re you gonna do?”

“I gotta find my love,” Bucky mumbles as he drops the locket into his pocket and goes running into the maze.

___________________________________

You don’t even remember where you’ve been or where you’re headed to. Your mind is so clouded by heartbreak and your vision is so blurred, you can’t properly make it out of the maze. Why did you decide to run in there?

Hitting another dead end, you drop to your knees with a heart broken sob. It was over. Whatever you and Bucky had was gone. You curled up into a ball, not caring about getting yourself dirty. You just wanted all of this to be a bad dream. 

In the distance, you can hear the muffled cries of Bucky calling your name, “C’mon, sweetheart! Talk to me! Where are you?!” You cover your ears, wanting to block him out, wanting to block everything out. 

You continued to sob in your curled up state. The pain that you were feeling was something you’ve never experienced before. You hated it.

You didn’t know how long you’ve been crying or how long you’ve been at the same spot, but Bucky found you eventually.

“Jesus Christ, doll.” he scooped you into his arms, “Ssshhh. It’s okay, Y/N. I’m here, sweetheart.”

You shook your head, “Why’re you here?” you looked at him with a pained expression.

His brows furrowed, “Where else would I be?”

“With Dot, obviously,” you said with distaste, “She’s your new love, after all.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about?”

“You gave her the locket. The locket that you said represents your never-ending love.”

He shook his head, “She stole the locket. She must’ve gotten a hold of it while it was coming back from the cleaning. Y/N, doll, what’s this all about? Are you upset with me?”

You looked down into your lap as Bucky continued to hold you, “I heard Dot tell her friends that you and she were having an affair. She was going into detail about your sexual exploits and...is it true?” you look up at him with heartbroken fear in your eyes, “Are you and Dot together again?”

Bucky shook his head, “No, absolutely not.”

“Are you seeing anyone behind my back?”

“No, sweetheart. There’s been no one, but you.”

“Then why are you in bed so late? Why do you keep making up excuses to leave me? Why haven’t we had sex in months?”

Bucky groans, realizing how all of this makes him look bad, “Y/N, I’ve been busy planning something.”

“Planning what?”

“I can’t tell you ‘cause it’s a surprise, but I promise you, that’s why I haven’t been around lately. What I’ve been doing on top of my royal duties has been keeping me busy and completely exhausted. And I’m sorry that they’ve gotten in the way of me showing my love and affection to you.”

You reach up and stroke Bucky’s chin, “So you still love me?”

He softly smiles down at you, “Irrevocably so, doll. I’m sorry I haven’t shown it lately.”

You give out a relieved sigh, “I forgive you and I’m sorry for doubting your love for me.”

“I completely understand where you’re coming from, Y/N. And believe me when I say that Dot is no longer welcome to the palace. She’s been a pain in my side for too long.”

You nuzzle your face into Bucky’s neck, “Good, because you’re mine and mine alone.”

He chuckles, tightening his hold on you, “Forever yours, my love.”

_____________________________

A few weeks later

“Okay, when I say three, you can open your eyes. Got it, doll?”

“Got it. Now hurry up!” you say excitedly.

“Alright! Alright! One...two...three!”

You open your eyes and you gasp at the room around you. It was decorated like a room straight out from a Disney movie. In the middle, sat a crib and you froze.

“Wait a minute.”

Bucky shrugged, giving you a sheepish grin, “I may have read your letter from Doctor Cho.”

You frowned, “I was going to tell you.”

Bucky moved behind you and wrapped his arms around your form, his hands resting on your stomach, “I know, but I wanted to beat you to it.”

“This amazing, Bucky, and I think our little prince or princess will love it.” your hands resting on top of Bucky’s that rested atop the small bump that was the proof of yours and Bucky’s undying love for each other.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #royalty au #au #marvel

[omoghouls]

Heck, sorry! I just have so many ideas today 💗💗 What if one day Rain broke his horns because he was playing a bbiitt too rough, so the event causes him to shift into a even smaller state, preferably with Era I..?

Never be sorry about having ideas nonny!!!! (I'm gonna write a full fic of this but rn just a lil play by play😂)

It would definitely be outside playing, the elder ghoul's thought it was such a beautiful day, why waste it with staying all cooped up? So they walk to the more secluded areas of the chruch grounds (maybe a place only ghouls could go? :^0 )

So, Rain is happily running around, picking flowers and other pretty things for the elder ghoul's- then he spots something up in one of the trees, something just perfect for his lil gifts! One of the elder's sees Rain starting to climb up and warn him not to climb too high up, but Rain doesnt really listen and climbs to the high branch, nudging himself to the edge, trying to reach out for the object. 

And he grabs it! He's happy and lifts his arms up in triumph- which makes him loose his balance and falls kit of the tree in a bit crash! 

Ignis is the first to leap up and rushes over to the bundle of bushes where their Lamb was laying, curled up. Aër goes to lift him up, to check him out and softly gasp when he notices the ridged cracks on the water ghoul's head, a bit of blood trickling down his face- he had snapped off his horns.

Rain is a bit dazed from the fall so he doesnt even know what happened, until he goes to touch his head and feels the dull buzzing pain and just looks at the 5 elder ghouls and just starts to sob ;0; 

Ignis immediately picks him up and starts to coo and try to sooth him, along with the other ghoul's trying to distract him. They notice that Rain isnt even talking, usually when he's normally get hurt he would whine about what is hurting him, but right now, he's just wailing and looking at them all with sad, puppy dog eyes. They all decide it's time to go back inside and bring their weepy lamb back to their own common area and sit him down.

Terra goes to find his natural herbs for the pain  Rain is feeling. Rain just clings to Ignis and refuses to leave his lap (just holding onto the white robe, tail wrapped around the older ghoul) he just suckles on his claws for comfort (the others don't even tut him, he's in pain, they arent going to tell him no right now!) 

Eventually they're able to patch him up (theyre probably able to attach the horns again, with their Era 1 magic or smth) by them, Rain is just spent and quiet. Playing silently with the elder's grucifixs and he makes small chirping and chittering sounds. They know he's much smaller than he usually is so they just hold him and give him his more softer toys to play with (but he probably falls asleep because, he's a sleeby baby after such a scary event!) 

;u; and the elders just coddle the ever loving heck out of their little lamb, probably able to get a few giggles out of him with a some songs or silly talk (they'd do anything to see him smile ☆)

#Poor rainy omg tho ;0; #tiny talk #nameless ghouls #m

[lenavonschweetz]

Light In The Hallway

Loki Laufeyson Odinson Friggason

Synopsis: An angsty one-shot, written in the point of view of our favorite trickster as he goes through his final moments.

Warnings: Major Character Death, Infinity War Spoilers, A. N. G. S. T.  Frigga feels.  Shittily written death.  No ships, no reader.  Just angst.

A/N: This came to me while listening to Light in The Hallway by Pentatonix.  I recommend listening to it while reading.  

There was nothing that could describe the feeling of dread that found its way deep into the pit of Loki’s gut.  Once he’d seen the massive ship, he knew all too well what was coming.  Still, he hoped and wished and prayed to anything and anyone who would listen that his fears wouldn’t be true.  But of course, they were.  Because Thanos and his followers were like a plague that burnt out any light they crossed.

Loki had served the tyrant once before, though unwillingly and under the control of the mind stone.  Still, he knew better than anyone what Thanos wanted and what horrors he was capable of.

And watching the Mad Titan toss The Hulk around like it was nothing only solidified his fear.  Never had he seen the green giant be bested, but there he laid, prone and beaten within an inch of his life.

When Heimdall’s power rushed through the remnants of their ship, Loki could’ve wept in relief.  There was only one place he would’ve sent their ally, a place with the other heroes and warriors who had bested Thanos’s control over Loki himself all those years ago.  Heimdall was no fool, and as he watched Thanos plunge his blade into The Gatekeeper’s chest, he knew that he had used what power he had left to send Hulk - and Bruce - to Earth for a reason.

Perhaps there was hope yet.

Which is exactly why Loki knew what he had to do.

“If you’re going to Earth you might want a guide.  I do have a bit of...experience in that arena.”  There was no escaping the glare of the giant man before him, nor that of his brother - eyes burning into the side of the trickster’s head.  Loki didn’t need to look at Thor to know that tears were threatening those eyes, along with the words Loki, don’t! screaming at him from their depths.

“If you consider failure experience.”

“I consider experience experience,”  Loki says, trying with all his might to convey his typical flippancy so as not to alert Thanos of his ulterior motive.  The titan’s look is unreadable, and his heart hammers in his chest.

The only ones from Asgard or Sakaar that were left alive were the two royal brothers...soon to be one, if Loki didn’t move fast enough.

But for Thor, and ultimately the entire universe, that was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

Swallowing any hesitations he may have had, Loki weaves his words carefully, letting his silver tongue coax the warlord into a deal - at least, he hoped.

“I, Loki, God of Mischief,”  He spoke confidently, not daring take a single peak at his grieving brother beside him.  He was somewhat thankful for the restraint over the blonde’s mouth for there was no doubt in his mind that he had seen Loki’s conjured dagger.  “Do hereby pledge to you my undying fidelity.”

A breath.

Two.

Then he lashes out, dagger poised straight for Thanos’s jugular.

But he doesn’t quite make it before blue energy is crushing down on his arm with an agonizing pressure - one so strong he can’t even move his fingers in shock to drop the dagger.

“You should choose your words more carefully.”

He knew this was a possibility, even he could only outrun death for so long.  And now here it was staring him in the face.  That same hateful, hideous stare that bore into his very soul and demanded his allegiance and power to wreak havoc on Earth.

The pain in his arm is gone, replaced now by a fist wound tightly around his airway.  

The ever calm god drops his facade almost instantly, body thrashing as Thanos lifts him by the throat.  His eyes well up, his lungs burn, and his gaze finds his brother.  His brother who he can tell is doing everything he can to break free from his bindings.

“You,” he chokes out with what little air is left.  “Will never be” a ringing in his ears, a numbing like chill spreading from his chest to all his limbs.  Still, he bites out “A God.”

Then...nothing.

No pain.

No tears.

He doesn’t even feel his body hit the ground, where he is flung to land in front of his brother’s shaking form.

Its as if he isn’t really there.

Thanos is saying something to his brother, powerful voice booming as he raises his fist before he and his minions disappear.

The moment Thor is free, he drags his own broken form to Loki’s hoping against all hope that this was just another one of Loki’s shows, that he would smirk at him and tease him for believing his tricks once more.

But as Thor fists his fingers in his brother’s leather armor, that moment never comes.

Instead, Loki lays completely still as not one, but two pairs of hands rest against his chest.

It’s when he feels the second pair that he rouses, though Thor doesn’t seem to notice.  With a furrowed brow, he reaches for his older brother his jaw dropping when his hand actually reaches through him.

Then he notices it, notices himself laying where he’d been tossed and the realization settles in, replacing the fear and agony that had been taking residence in his gut.

Realization evolves into understanding, then relief.

“Loki,” a voice that isn’t Thor says.  His spectral form turns toward the sound all while his body stays perfectly still.  If he’d still been in that body, he’s sure he would’ve gasped.

“Mother?”

No, this was impossible, Frigga was dead.  She didn’t use any illusions or perform any tricks.  The queen wouldn’t dare cast a petty illusion like Loki had.  No, she had died a hero while protecting the Midgardian Jane Foster.

“Loki, my dear, it’s alright.”  He is tempted to pinch himself, vision blurring with tears as he reaches for her face fully expecting to reach through her like he’d done with Thor.

Instead, his hand successfully cups her cheek, and he openly weeps.

“Mother, how are you...”  The queen scoops her youngest against her, cradling his shuddering form in her embrace.  “You’re real.  You’re here.  Why...how...mother?”

“Loki, my love,”  She shushes, squeezing him tighter in her arms.  “It’s time to come home.”

He pulls away, brows furrowing once more as he looks into the kind green eyes he’s missed so desperately.

“I don’t understand, Asgard was destroyed.  There’s no home to go back to.”

Her smile never falters, her fingers curling around his own.

“Your father and I have missed you so much.”  She says, her voice a constant comfort for the younger Odinson.

“Father...but why?  It wasn’t exactly a happy reunion when I saw him last.”

Still, that kind gaze doesn’t waver.

“Loki, your father and I are so proud of you.  You helped save the people of Asgard who are Asgard itself.  You sacrificed yourself for your brother, to erase everything that monster had made you do before.  Loki, I couldn’t be prouder of you.  Your father couldn’t be prouder of you.”

He’d heard those words before but never directed at him.  Only Thor.  But to hear that now...

“He’s...proud of me?”

“Why don’t you come see for yourself?  We’ve missed you, my son.”

He hesitates, hand sliding from hers for a moment.  He swallows raw emotion creeping up his throat as he looks to his brother sobbing over his own broken form.  The sight is beyond jarring.

“Mother,”  He admits with some difficulty.  He’d always been so strong for her, so sure of himself.  But now?  “Mother...I’m scared.”

“Shh, my love,”  She coos, smoothing down long raven locks.  “It’s alright.  I’m here.”

Frantic green eyes meet their calm opposites.

“But Thor-”  He cries, once more reaching for his brother in vain.

“Still has much to do, darling.  You will see him again, I promise.  But for now, come.  Odin is waiting.”  For the first time ever, Loki finds he doesn’t fear the sentiment but rather cherishes it.

And when he embraces his mother’s spectral form with his own following her to peace, a blinding purple light explodes all around them as Thor is flung to his trials and battles to come.

I...I don’t even know anymore.  I’m sorry.  I’m in a dark place rn.  This helped.

TAGS:

Do I even put tags up for this?  Maye later.

#loki laufeyson x reader #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki of asgard #loki of jotunheim #loki oneshot #loki fanfic #loki friggason #loki fanfiction #loki fic #loki angst #marvel #Marvel Comics #MCU #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #major character death #marvel angst #infinity war #infinity war spoilers #infinity war angst #loki death #loki infinity war #frigga #odin #odinson #thor loki feels #grief #sorrow