#keep in mind its been a year since i read this and i was half asleep when i did read it lmao

[shoichee]

Hello! First of all I wanna say that I really love your writing! It has me excited every time!!

I had this idea for a while and it always makes me go SOFT!

Haizaki, Imayoshi and Hanamiya (Separately) X f!reader. Like Reader would have a massive crush but it's basic friendship between them so they're really close friends/best friends. And since reader is friends with those baddies Reader usually keeps a tough front so one day Reader can't really hold it no more and Goes "Shut up and Just Hug me" while bawling her eyes out? Like I bet those baddies wouldn't know how to react but I think it would be really cute!!

Anyways Have a Good Day/Night Hun!! All the Love!!

ANON THE WAY THIS PROMPT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND THE ENTIRE 6 MONTH HIATUS, IM SO EXCITED TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO WRITE THIS BLESS UR GENIUS MIND, but wow this prompt is so damn challenging because these 3 are assholes in their own ways—

Also Note: these headcanons are hella long (this entire thing is collectively 19 pages long), like each feels like a whole anime arc LMAO because these three characters having a “favorable” reaction to the reader crying would need a ton of context, which includes: how they met, their relationship dynamics, and such… and these three also have their own definitions of what a “tough” reader is to them… so without further ado, I guess I’m beginning my active status with a big bang…

I would like to tag: @takatul @mihangry @nadav-ii @roppongiperfume @carinacassiopeiae @seijurosempress @kkeke99 @4kominato @bunny-girl-lia (@dust-of-fandoms | edit: it finally me tag you, and I cackled at your reblog hashtag LMAOO) and I would love to tag more people who stuck by me when I was active before, but I can’t find them/tag them! This longest headcanon yet is dedicated to you all and everyone else reading this... mess~

[Tough front f!reader]

Imayoshi Shoichi

you guys probably first met as classmates

sure, there could be a possible scenario where you guys met through basketball, but even so, Imayoshi isn’t the type to take note of people unless they’re in teams Touou has faced before/has a huge reputation… so the chance of him actually wanting to get to know you beyond your face and name is near zero

but on the other hand, as classmates… 1.) he’s pretty much forced to see you around every day and familiarize himself with your presence and habits regardless of what he does 2.) sharing the same class means that you both are smart smart (and someone who shares the same intellectual capacity as him is a MUST to get close to him)

good rule of thumb: the more classes you share with him (throughout the years, because the Japanese school system is quite the opposite of the American system), the faster you become closer together, because that naturally translates to more opportunities for Imayoshi to annoy you more

but half of the friendship development also requires your personality/reactions/things of that nature that might hold his intrigue for a long time

he’s met his fair share of people who have similar wit and irritability as himself, so if he met another Imayoshi-like individual… sure, it’s fun and entertaining as hell, but somewhat predictable in its own right since they’re, well… himself—and he’d like to think he knows himself very well (like Aomine being able to predict Kise even when he copied his basketball style of playing, for example)

imagine if there was a person out there who’s so stone-faced, so blank and unflinching at nearly everything, yet cold and spartan

spoiler alert: it’s you

and wow, holy shit—whenever you’re in the room, the temperature just drops several degrees celsius

everyone’s at least wary of you, and you didn’t even do anything wrong—your presence just elicits that impression out of everyone

Imayoshi couldn’t help but blow a slow whistle the first time he witnessed this with his own eyes

who would’ve thought he found a Kuroko and an Akashi (...before he lost at the Winter Cup) in one individual… let alone a girl (not that he cares about gender, but he’s amused that you’re an oddity in the average Japanese societal norm of a woman)

he had to do some probing, he can’t help it: the opportunity was too good to pass up

“Yo!” he calls out, approaching your desk on the first day of class. “Looks like we’re seated next to each other for the year. It’s nice to meet you, (l/n)-san.” (his polite Kansai accent never fails to stick out in the room)

you merely look at him before you went back to reading whatever book you had in your hand; he looks closer to note that you’re already getting started on the assigned book for the upcoming lessons

so what if he didn’t get a welcoming reply back? that’s fine with him; not everyone’s friendly on the first encounter

either way, he makes himself too comfortable on his seat, stretching out his limbs before he pulled out his usual pen to twirl around out of boredom

and that’s what happened every time he entered class, always making an over-friendly remark or two before you looked at him in silence momentarily

pretty soon, you’ve stopped giving him attention completely, blatantly ignoring him when he calls out for you early in the morning

a slow grin snaked its way onto his face the first time this happened

“How cruel, (l/n)-san! You hurt my feelings every time you don’t reply to me, you know? Really now, to think my efforts for friendship get constantly snuffed mercilessly. You’re really gonna make me cry.”

“Then cry.”

(cue everyone near you two slightly scooching their desks away in fear for their safety)

Imayoshi dropped his grin in hearing you reply for the first time

“No one’s stopping you,” you continued, yet your eyes were still on your own table, minding your own business, as if Imayoshi wasn’t worth your attention to begin with

“Yikes, you’re actually really evil,” he dryly remarked

“Cry about it.”

(YOU’RE JUST KILLING HIM WITH THE STRAIGHTEST FACE, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING…)

the worst thing was, Imayoshi couldn’t get a read from you one bit; normally he can “read minds” based on analyzing any body reaction or facial expression changes… but you exhibit nothing to base anything off of

Imayoshi has truly met an equal opponent for his wit, because you confirmed his assumption that you had much to say about things even if you never chose to indulge in social interactions, and it’s not like you’re bad at conversations—you just choose not to participate

pretty soon, he goes from giving daily “morning greetings” to pestering you at EVERY given moment throughout the day in the classroom

the teacher’s busy setting up a new lesson? you’re gonna hear some comment. it’s break time? you’re enduring comments for at least 10 minutes. you’re assigned to work with your “desk partner” for a class activity? you do your share of the work before giving the paper to him wordlessly… all while hearing his comments

“Honestly, with how much you run your mouth, I’m very much surprised your lips haven’t grown wings and flapped off of your face yet.”

you’re… a little impressed with his tenacity, thinking that he’d give up talking to you after realizing how fruitless his efforts would be… and mind you, Imayoshi was talking to a wall for nearly a damn month now, almost a month and a half

he’s a bit too patient for the wrong things, you think

“I’m flattered,” he easily shoots back with that infuriating grin. “But they say my charm lies in my linguistic abilities. I’m afraid I can’t afford to lose them just yet.”

“That is creepy,” you blankly deadpan at his smirk, before you return your gaze to the board… but you can easily feel his intense scrutiny in your peripheral vision

a day never goes by without multiple interactions like the ones described above happen

it slowly went from you ignoring him to you giving one-word responses like: “Great.” // “How nice.” // “Right.” // “That’s cool.”

you’re somewhat similar to him, he notices; you’re always polite with everyone, yet there’s always a clipped, frosty edge to your words that unsettles them

like how his politeness drips with a bit of jabs and arrogance that never truly puts anyone at ease

when Touou lost the first round at the Winter Cup, he was surprised to see you approach him the day after, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth was:

“Congratulations, Imayoshi-kun,” you said. “That loss was a spectacular show to witness.”

“You wound me,” he languidly sighs with his hands up in the air. “Must you rub salt in the fresh wound? Dear me, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were checking on my well-being.”

you finally give a slow blink to indicate some type of… reaction, though that’s not much at all

“Yes,” was all you said. “You are correct. Take this.”

… wow

the nerve

he’s… speechless

how the hell did you know of his drawing habits, and how the hell did you imitate it exactly?

and since when did you ever pay attention to basketball??

he’s processing a lot of things right now, but he first notices the “Congratulations on losing” and “101-100,” which was the final score of yesterday’s game

… you were watching them play?

“... My, my…” he coos. “I have many questions. Let’s start with the one about how much you’ve been actually staring at me in order to figure out that I drew in class, let alone how I draw.”

he looks up to anticipate an answer, but all you simply do is stare at him more intensely before you tilt your head slightly… as if you had no idea what he was talking about

his grin only grows wider, taking your silence as a challenge, and he puts your sketch on the table and gets up to step closer towards you and lean his body forward, hands in his pockets

of course, your expression never changes, simply moving your head back from the tilted position

“... It helps to open your eyes more, Imayoshi-kun. Maybe you’ll notice things you haven’t been privy to before. Your pen scribbles are irritating to hear on the regular, so my poor eyes witnessing such grotesque imagery was an unfortunate inevitability.”

“Ah-ha!~” he chimes, cracking his eyes open for the first time to you. “Is that so?”

you widen your own eyes slightly in response to making eye contact with his gaze for the first time, and damn Imayoshi for noticing it, because he immediately pulled away in extreme satisfaction and sat at his desk

and yet another day of school started soon after, but this time, Imayoshi was giving off the smuggest aura

. . .

after Touou gets eliminated from the Winter Cup, Imayoshi takes this free time as an opportunity to study for college entrance exams… while also bothering you on the pretense of “study buddies” since you two were in the same grade

though you were still as cold and collected as ever, you were WAYY more talkative with him at this point, though most of the dialogues exchanged were nothing more than him trying to ruffle your feathers up and you deflecting his attempts

and the entire 3rd year was just you two “bantering” (if you can even call it that), but no one would ever see either of you without the other

still, neither of you could deny that both of you guys are really efficient in terms of working together to get things done, where both of you turn serious and start analyzing the objective at hand

these times are when you guys have the more genuine conversations on more personal topics and such:

“I didn’t take you as someone who has a sister.”

“How mean! She’s raised very well as a respectable lady, y’know?”

“We seem to have two different definitions of ‘respectable,’ because have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Another female you sounds like an incoming migraine.”

“I can reassure you that she’s the considerate type of girl.”

“If you insist.”

or maybe another convo like:

“(l/n)-san, do you always have your face stuck in cement?”

“... Pardon?”

“You remind me of a few people who always have their faces as blank as a sheet—it’s kind of terrifying.”

“Always been like this. It’s more convenient this way to scare away nuisances, don’t you think Evil Glasses-san?”

“Clearly it’s not working.” (dryly replied, as always)

everyone’s terrified of you two and would clear the way every time they saw you guys walking by, let’s make that clear

both of you are clearly very polite and proper, always taking rules and responsibilities into consideration… but what the fuck, y’all are way too menacing—seriously, Sakurai wants to RUN to the opposite direction whenever you’re in his field of vision

you’ve been down lately though—and increasingly more somber as spring was coming closer that year—though, it’s more of the air you give off that would indicate this, rather than your facial expressions

in truth, you knew that your time with Imayoshi would most likely end once you two graduated, because he only interacted with you out of curiosity and convenience

but even though you guys were done with taking the exam, Imayoshi still comes to annoy you and hang out with you, so you were secretly relieved that you guys were still “close” in that sense

you become acquainted with Susa, the one who was unfortunate enough to be Imayoshi’s good friend and study partner before you came along; both of you share a mutual understanding and common ground of dealing with Imayoshi’s shit 24/7

. . .

alas, it’s a couple days before the 3rd years graduated, but you aren’t overjoyed at the fact that you are going to move onto a new chapter of your life

quite the contrary, you didn’t like what you were going to leave behind after your last day of being at Touou (yeah, it’s Imayoshi, but you didn’t want to admit it to avoid making this inevitability all the more tangible)

you were alone for once in one of the courtyards, having those moments of quiet contemplation, but for the first time in a long time, you felt tears streaming down your face, you heart feeling a painful squeeze at coming to terms about your inner emotions

your head raises up at the sound of leaves crunching, and lo and behold, it’s almost as if your thoughts summoned him to you

unlike his usual infuriating grin, his face was one of seriousness as he gauges your face… you’re crying

and you’re just staring at him silently even with the tears streaming

he’s a bit unnerved, but he’s a practical one, his mind racing thousands of miles an hour to crack down what you currently need and what the cause of your tears was

he’s an asshole, but he’s not heartless, and lately, he’d been feeling a soft spot for you

“... Do you want solace, silence, or solutions?”

you wordlessly walk to him before tightly hugging him

his eyes are cracked open, trying to figure out what the hell is going on

“... shut up and just hug me.”

he chuckles a bit before gingerly reciprocating, musing, “To think you would want all of the above—didn’t take you as a greedy person, (l/n)-san.”

you both share a comforting silence before you separate yourself from him… you didn’t dare raise your gaze to look at his face, knowing fully well that he was gonna hold this over your head for a long time

“... You never stop running your mouth, do you?”

“But you like me all the same, yes?”

you say nothing, but you stared up at him, your eyes slightly wide and mouth parted from what he was presuming as your way of being shocked… but what’s this?

he can’t tell if there’s a smidge of a flush on your skin or if his eyes are finally playing a trick on him

with the last of your tears still on your lashes, he might dare to call you beautiful

“I told you that my linguistic abilities are crucial to my charm.”

and you immediately went back to your default expression of indifference at his antics

“… You’re annoying.”

“You really can’t afford to be nice for a moment…!” he exclaims in mock-hurt. “But we both know that’s not what you’re really thinking.”

you finally give a sign of defeat—a long resigned sigh—before you opted to walk past him

that is, until Imayoshi stops you by putting his two hands on your shoulders and pulling you back a bit towards him

“Whoa there! You’re really going to leave me up in the air like that? Aren’t you curious enough to stay and let me finish?” you didn’t even have to turn around to know that he had a scheme in his mind

“Letting you finish has never been a good idea,” you dryly reply, and Imayoshi can’t help but genuinely laugh at you inheriting some of his own mannerisms at this point

he brings you even closer, his hands going from on your shoulders to slowly snaking them around your clavicles as he settles his head atop your left shoulder

“Even if I told you that I, too, find you too amusing to let go?”

“Who said I found you amusing as well?” you finally turn your head to his face

“Ah, but you didn’t deny that you didn’t want to let me go either,” he smirks, but it turns slightly more affectionate as he leans closer. “Say, I have a proposal that would be a solution to your current ‘predicament.’ Say that we both graduate, yes? There will be new challenges to tackle as an adult, no doubt. I can graciously offer you my indisposable intelligence for years to come in exchange…” his thumb brushes over your lips, his own lips curling up more when he feels how you got warmer from his touch “... for this?... How about it, (y/n)?”

Haizaki Shōgo

were you guys childhood friends? were you friends during middle school when he used to hang out with some of the Teiko kids? did you somehow worm your way to have connections with people he knew in some shape or form? friends with one of the starters in the Fukuda Sōgō team before you met Haizaki? classmates or ex-classmates/partners through coincidental circumstances led you to hang around even outside of school? did he once hit on you but you vehemently rejected his offer for a one-night stand?

the mystery of the beginnings of this strange friendship was always a subject of gossip and speculation (rightfully so)

but most likely, he probably tried to hit on you like any other girl, but you were the first to not only openly defy him and cuss him out, but also fend off his physical violence successfully through self-defense techniques by yourself

that HELLA surprised him… and also pissed him off

but he left you alone… until he came back to annoy you again a few days later after his pride recovered enough to face you again

“feisty” was what he often likes to call you nowadays

yes, this combative nature of yours always got you into less-than-ideal situations, even if you always meant well, and that aspect of yours always drew him back to you, even if you both hated each other’s guts

it was after the Winter Cup, when Fukuda Sōgō was eliminated, that you two interacted considerably more

“I hope that game taught you a valuable lesson or two, Haizaki.”

“Shut the fuck up, yeah?”

“Or what? Not like you can do anything to me anyways, you fucking clown—”

he immediately goes to throw a fast punch right for your neck, but you immediately dodged it, grabbed his forearm to twist it behind him

“Jesus Christ, you really do never fucking learn.”

he easily shakes off your grip and pulls away with a crazed look that never revealed what he was truly thinking

“I’m a pretty simple guy, yeah?” he sneers. “Just can’t help myself. Whatever, I got places to be at.”

and he never fails to finish his sentence with a lick to his thumb before strolling away

a simple guy, huh, you thought. yeah right

you picked up the fact that he licks his thumb when something is going his way, but recently he’s been licking his thumb before ending his interactions with you… which makes you suspicious as hell

nah, you’re overthinking it

it really does suck that you go to the same school as him, and as such, you are bound to meet each other outside of school too

these encounters always happen when you want to kill time in the local arcades or eat at the nearest fast food restaurants

“Ohhhhh, if it isn’t (y/n)...”

“Goddamn it, why does this always happen to me?” you openly facepalmed yourself before you sourly turn to the source of the voice. “Whatever you want with me, make it quick. I’m tired of seeing your ass around.”

“A quick fuck sounds up my alley righ’ now,” he says quitely loudly to attract surrounding passerbys’ attention in an attempt to humiliate you

he didn’t want to fuck you, not at all, you knew, but those were simply fighting words to piss you off

your face scrunches up in disgust at his words, before a slow smirk spread across your face… which Haizaki doesn’t fail to notice

“A qUiCk FuCk SoUnDs Up My aLLeY rIgHt NoW,” you mimic equally loudly, and you make it a point to pull your arms into chicken wings and walk in a circle around him to mock him

at this point this was when you ran while laughing your ass off… whether he tried chasing you down in contempt or not, you didn’t know, but you knew he was going to get his revenge

another day, you’re sitting at a table outside to eat your lunch when Haizaki casually strolls from behind to snatch a kebab stick out of your bento, which you weren’t quick enough to stop the basketball player

“Haizaki, what the fuck?”

“Oh? Was this yours? Oops… my hand must have slipped,” he drawls… again while licking his thumb

“Damn, I should’ve put snot on them or something before you stopped by. Maybe it’ll teach you to not take people’s food.”

“Hehh?” he gives a mirthless chuckle before he spits loudly on the half-eaten kebab on his hand. “Like this, eh?”

“I—” you gape at him incredulously. “That is the most unattractive thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on in my entire damn life—” you slam your own head on the table. “... Take the rest of my food. You damn ruined my appetite for the rest of this week.”

“Hell no, wench.”

“I insist,” you look up to hiss at him, throwing the closed bento box to him. “Keep the box too, sicko. You can spit your shit in there alllll you want.”

“Ya make me sound like I’m some bug,” he says. “Don’tcha know that the girl I had last night kept screaming to keep my tongue in her—”

“GO AWAY, OH MY GOD—SHOO.”

you immediately dash away with your hands to your ears, singing loudly “lalalalala~” to yourself to drown out any profanities and filth that came straight from Haizaki himself… without any regard to the students giving you annoyed or concerned looks

for some reason though, Haizaki can’t bring himself to throw away the bento box you unceremoniously threw at him…

… you weren’t that half-bad of a cook (he’d rather burn at a stake than admit that ever)

. . .

another evening, you decided to unwind at an arcade hall, making yourself comfortable at a shooting game machine booth

you got yourself a decent score for the first run, and you make a noise of happy triumph before a rude scoff interrupted your fun time

“You fucking suck.”

you immediately knew who it was

“I do not, you manwhore,” you whip your head to Haizaki, disliking his narrowed gaze of annoyance and disapproval of your playstyle. “There are 3 other booths next to me. Go put a token and play by yourself.”

to make your point, you slot in one of your own tokens to start a 2nd round and readjusted your grip on the gun to point at the screen

“Gimme that,” he jeers, pushing you to the side while snatching the booth-attached rifle off your hands

“H-Hey!!”

you harshly slapped his arm in a feeble attempt to make him listen to you, but to your surprise, he completely lets your violence slide and looks at you what that piercing gaze

“Since you’re so shit at this game, lemme give you a few pointers so ya don’t look like a royal dumbass next time.”

“Maybe you should give it back to me because maybe I want to look like a royal dumbass. That’d be a win in your books anyways—”

you’re interrupted by the booth’s loud intro music to indicate that the game was starting, so you have no choice but to observe Haizaki and his gameplay

and the entire time, he’d make a condescending comment every time he progressed further into the game map

… and you hate to admit it, but he was way better in technique of the gun and precision in aiming (your scowl only grows harsher the more points he racked up in the round)

his final score tripled of your own

“So whaddya think, hmm?” he muses lowly while grabbing your chin to look at him, to which you bat away his hand immediately

“I think you oughta give me back the damn gun, that’s what.”

“Hah? Now why don’t ya use one of the three machines next to me instead, like a good girl.”

“Eurgh, ew, ew, ew—ugh! You’re so—that was my spot—!”

you growl under your breath before you roughly snatch your small bucket of tokens and stalk your way to the machine booth next to his, angrily shoving a token down the slot before you hoisted the gun

(cue you out-scoring him in your fury)

(cue him beating your score again)

(cue you beating his score again)

and for the rest of the evening and night, you both kept at the shooting game, both of your prides refusing to concede defeat, all the while Haizaki taunting and goading you

that night you stormed out of the arcade hall when it was time for the establishment to close, with Haizaki’s gleeful cackling echoing down the streets to further mock you of the multiple L’s you took earlier

. . .

you’re sitting in a cheap eatery, lucky enough to grab a table by the window, and you grab your first burger, ready to chow down

that is, until Haizaki slid in the seat in front of you, and you literally snarled at him to go away

“Ya make me sound like I’m such bad company,” he slyly smirks, immediately snatching your other burger on the tray as if it was his to begin with

you don’t even give him the satisfaction of replying because all you do is aggressively bite into the burger while glaring at him, not even bothering to try to get the burger back anymore

so here you two were, eating your burgers in tense silence, before Haizaki finishes his first and leaves without a word… until he comes back with his own order to sit at the same spot in front of you

you merely raise a brow before you take the opportunity to steal his burger from his tray and feast on it

he merely clicks his tongue and glares at you but opts to not say anything

odd…

. . .

the more you “hang” around Haizaki, the more likely you’d accidentally encounter him while he’s having a tryst with another girl… and even more unfortunately for you, you accidentally encountered him while they were both heavily petting each other… when you just wanted to take a shortcut to your home from school

“Oh my fucking god?? Can y’all at least NOT DO THIS IN THE ALLEYWAY? There’s hotels for a reason!” and then you ran out so fast

. . .

these types of encounters and shenanigans would go on for almost 2 years; I would think that Haizaki would need some time to somewhat “mellow” out or at least tolerate your presence to be considered a constant in his life, so much so that he wouldn’t utilize physical violence as much as he did before

having you in his life, whether he liked to admit it or not, taught him to not have as fragile of an ego and pride, and he slowly learned to have some level of patience with you

otherwise you two would be going for each other’s necks beyond just aggressive words and gestures

and wow, you don’t even realize you had this stupid guy in your life for two whole years

you even have each other’s phone numbers

you’ve done a lot of reflecting, especially if being around Haizaki for so long somehow made you a worse person, but when you asked every person who knew you, they simply told you that you were always the same to them (in a pretty confused way, because what a strange question)

speak of the devil, Haizaki’s contact pops up on your screen as an incoming call; you sigh before answering it, knowing fully well that he would spam even more calls just to spite you if you didn’t answer

“What.”

you cringe when you hear a woman’s voice on his end of the line, but that feeling disappears once Haizaki starts talking

“Whaddya know? I’m starving after that session. Usual place, yeah?”

“Huh? What if I was busy, dumbass—”

“I know you ain’t.” and he ends the call as quickly as he started it

irk marks only multiply on your head when you stare at his contact screen before you started heading to your “usual spot”

“Tch, that bitch was hella annoying. Chick yapped her mouth as much as ya do when she shoulda been kissin’ and doin’ what we planned to do.”

“Gee, thanks,” you mumble, rolling your eyes and holding your temples with your fingers.

it became this weird thing for him to talk to you about his escapades and complaints about the women he’s recently been with; it started a year ago when he first did it to mortify you, but now it’s become something of habit… as terrible as it sounds

at… least he trusts you with this type of info? though you mentally chided yourself for having such low standards like this

on rare occasions, when you do share your own complaints/rants of your life to him, he somewhat listens, though he’s yawning half the time or eating something while you’re talking

on even rarer occasions, he talks about basketball

still, it’s somewhat cathartic in a way to have this routine between the two of you

hearing about him talk about women after women doesn’t feel good though; you wonder when you began to feel this way

you certainly didn’t feel like this a year ago

“Fucking damnit,” you mumble to yourself into your pillow

were you… possibly… no… in love with—

“Arfgghyrgfhurfhhhh!!!!” you screech into your pillow at the horrible thought that crept into your mind

. . .

you’ve been reevaluating your life and having an existential crisis at the horrifying realization of your poor choices that led up to this unwanted predicament in your love life

you didn’t come up with any solutions, let alone accepted the fact that you fell for this problematic man… who you may have thought about a lot more frequently than you would like to

no, you do not like Haizaki Shōgo.

… was what you kept telling yourself for the next 3 months of enduring him talking about his usual topics of video games and women without snapping and strangling him right there and then

you finally had enough when Haizaki called you once again, demanding that you two meet up at a fast food driveway for a bite, but soon after, you heard a different woman with an urgent voice: “Hurry up, can’t we go for another round before you go?”

you were just trying to have a peaceful moment in the park alone in the evening, too… looks like that’s ruined

you bit your bottom lip before you abruptly ended the call without giving an answer and threw your phone away on the grass, before you curled yourself up into a ball and let your tears fall unrestrained

why did you do this to yourself? this was what you deserved for liking someone like him.

who knows how long you’ve bawled your eyes out in the dark against a basketball hoop pole, but after being in the frigid air for so long that your fingers feel numb, it must’ve been hours

“You look so damn pitiful there, I almost mistaken’d ya for a lost dog.”

you still had your legs pulled up to your chest, your head tucked in to hide your tears

you pulled your arms tighter against yourself when you heard his unmistakable voice, and he was the last person you wanted to see right now

you immediately pulled your head up when you heard him strutting towards you though

it’s cold—you could see the wisps of air coming from his lips, and he was breathing really hard… which is weird considering he’s extremely athletic, and physical activity was a breeze for him

and he has the harshest look on his face for a while, his eyes narrowing further at the sight of your face

you immediately stand up from your sitting position

“Urgh, go the fuck away! Take a hint already, would ya?!”

he stands there in shock, the same type of shock he felt when he lost to Kise years ago… only worse

you’re in hysterics, crying and yelling at him, and he feels really troubled for some reason—like he feels a slight stir in his heart that he can’t put his finger on, and that makes him more pissed

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I swear, you women are too complicated—!”

“Everything is fucking wrong with me!” you scream at him, and fresh tears escape down your face. “Why do you even stick around me—just, stop—stop giving me hope that…urgh—shut the fuck up and just… (whispers) hug me—never mind…”

you didn’t even finish the sentence, your voice trailing off, and you look at him to see that he’s just… standing there

he doesn’t even say anything, he doesn’t even move

because he knew… anything he would say or do would upset you more, and for the first time, he realizes that his entire time with you all these years was spent pissing you off to no end instead of building any real bond with you

here he was, running around for hours to find you after that abrupt call (in all the restaurants, the arcades, hell—even all of the buildings and areas on campus, and even damn worse—all of the local neighborhood), ditching the woman instantly to look for you and yell at you for leaving him hanging, but the deepest part of him was worried—terrified—that something might have happened to you

women like gentle touches… right? maybe if he tried to hold you, restrain himself from any rough handling, you’d be pacified right? and go back to the same dumb, infuriating person you always were, right?

and what the hell were you muttering about a hug? where was the “you” he knew?

at this point, you’re just watching him, too scared to actually leave and turn your back on him… you still didn’t want to ruin whatever… “friendship” you guys had after building it for so long

the frigid air dried up your tears long before Haizaki decided to take a few sauntering steps towards you… and then a few careful steps before he’s in front of you—the you who’s still staring at him with furrowed brows

he tentatively reaches out an arm to touch your side, and when you don’t flinch (only raise a brow at his action), he fully grabs one side of your waist

“... I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, but you made me fucking starve and miss dinner.”

your curious gaze turns into one of anger, and you swatted his arm off of you

“Oh piss off then, yeah? Get your damn burger yourself and get your filthy hand off of me when you literally just fucked someone hours earlier.”

“Ohhhh,” Haizaki is immediately relieved, the tension leaving his body when he knows he’s re-entered familiar territory. He leans towards you, head cocked to one side with a bit of a crazed, gleeful look. “Jealous, aren’t ya?”

you give a gasp of indignation and mortification before you reel your arm back to punch him; he deftly dodges you before he hugs your waist from behind, his lips to your ear

“Well if that’s the case… I can also give ya a good time.” and he licks your ear for good measure—

“Y-You… you!!” you’ve now gone on an endless barrage of kicks and punches, and Haizaki, knowing you for quite a while now, knows nearly every practical move you’ve thrown at him

and it goes on for nearly an hour, but Haizaki doesn’t care when you’re back to your normal self again

from then on, instead of going to different women for casual flings, he’s found new entertainment in flustering you and trying to push your buttons in terms of sexual innuendos and gestures

“Haizaki, that’s fucking harrassment—What the hell are you doing?!”

“Hehh? You’re more than free to punch me right now, go on… I can be a patient guy sometimes… unless you actually… like this?”

“Urgh, stop putting words in my mouth—!”

karma will actually kick him in the ass when he takes the next few weeks to figure out his real feelings about you

Hanamiya Makoto

who even knows how you two came together and saw eye-to-eye, but it’s quite a contrasting image to see Hanamiya sauntering down the hallway with you by his side looking quite unbothered and natural… as if you were always meant to be by his side

but the first time you two met… oh boy

the principal finally had enough: all these written complaints from these basketball teams from other schools, asking to shut down the Kirisaki Daiichi basketball team due to foul play allegations… it was time to get to the bottom of this issue, a thorn on the school’s side in terms of reputation

no matter how many times Hanamiya was given a warning, nothing changed

and no one wanted to be coach of the infamous team, all knowing the unsaid horrors if anyone tries to to tame and reel in the starters

the solution? a student disciplinary committee. usually the student council holds the responsibility of reporting and administering proper discipline within school code, but the new proposal suggests that there be a separate student body with leadership separate from the student council to focus on cracking down anything harmful to the “learning environment” (a.k.a. the basketball team)

enter you; you were nominated by many faculty members and students alike, agreeing that you should be the one to spearhead this discipline campaign… always kind, gentle, and sweet—you always seemed to know how to resolve conflicts efficiently and safely

and you accepted the role with a smile and modest thanks

your “priority job” (as strongly urged by the principal) was to deal with the basketball team, especially since rumors of what happened in the Seirin match began circulating around campus

it was one day after practice—when the team was done practicing rough play drills and enacting various scenarios to carry them out—and the starters were strolling out the gym

Hanamiya was the last to exit the doorway but once he slammed the doors unceremoniously and turned around, you magically appeared in front of him with a welcoming smile… and it looked like the other starter players walked ahead enough to not notice you

“Hey there! Super sorry to bother you! I know you guys just finished practice right now, but I would like to introduce myself as the president of the new student disciplinary committee^^” you write something on a clipboard you brought with you before looking at him again

“Ohhhh,” he widens his eyes in mock sincerity, putting a hand to his chin. “So that’s what the fuss in the office was about. My apologies for only realizing now.” There was a coo to his voice that if anyone else heard it, they would’ve known to book it right there and then… so why were you not affected at all?

are you fucking stupid?

“Great! Just wanted to let you know I’ll have to do mandatory check-ins with you every couple days or whenever conflicts arise. Sorry for taking your time, and have a good evening!”

you couldn’t be this oblivious. there was no way. everyone knew who he was and the reputation he brought wherever he went

he gritted his teeth at the fact that you weren’t cowering in his presence, and when you spun around to leave, he deftly grabbed your forearm to pull you back to the closed gym doors behind you

and he made sure that your back felt the doors as he cornered you closer like an agitated predator

“Listen here,” he lowly sneers, all traces of his nice facade gone, replaced by a dangerous glint in his usual gleeful expression. “I’ll let you in on something, president. I run how my team works. You can crawl back to your precious principal and kindly tell him to fuck off and mind his own business. You can also tell him that we don’t need a nosy bitch snooping around like she owns the place. The goody-president can see that this is all in the interest of the student… which is what you student council parasites always preach about…” he leans in closer, caging your body with two arms by the side of your head, and he’s a breath away from your own face. “... Right, (y/n)?”

“O-Oh…” you started, and Hanamiya’s wicked grin grows wider at your predictable reaction

now that’s more like it.

now that he REALLY gets a good, close look at you, you’re not half-bad; there’s just something about that innocence–the naivete–that really turns his gears and has him entertained (this man really has a “stupid girl” as his canon type of girl, I CAN’T—)

“... to think that I have to repeat myself.”

what?

you abruptly move your face even closer to his, your noses touching… your own closed-eye smile taking on a more sinister quality for the first time

“For someone with the supposed 160 IQ, you’re as daft as the dirt I step on, captain. I can easily shut this entire gym if it’s in the interest of the student body. Should I ban you guys from entering? Should I report your behavior to dispel the team completely? Your team’s fate is in my hands. You don’t run this show, dear. I’ll say it one more time: I’ll be checking in 2 days. Keep up the ‘good boy’ act until then, hm?” ( ◠‿◠ )

you take your clipboard to smack one of his arms out of the way to clear a way out for yourself before you hum to yourself and walk onwards

cue Hanamiya cussing and kicking the gym doors

now for the next few weeks Hanamiya has been noticing how TWO-FACED YOU WERE WITH EVERYONE ELSE… he’s so irritated, he’s SO ANNOYED that he’s been biting the inside of his cheek and gritting his teeth constantly while thinking about you

look at you smiling at everyone so kindly when you’re the most awful, sadistic person inside… yeah, he embodies all of that, but only he alone can have this pleasure of terrorizing everyone

they don’t even know your real side, look at you socializing with everyone like you own the hallways—

every comment he makes to you has been reciprocated with a “good-natured” response that makes it obvious that you weren’t scared of him one bit

you’re like… the female version of the rotten, evil Imayoshi

god he fucking hates it here

definitely has made plenty comments about the fact that you’re not his type—that you’re one of those types of girls that irritate him to no end… even still, he doesn’t know why he tolerated you

recently, when he makes those customary remarks though, you widen your eyes a bit or avert your gaze before you shoot back your retorts, though he knows those are things you do to feign reactions to mock him (little did he know that those were not feigned)

you’ve been successfully putting a leash on the team starters, but to be fair, the other starters don’t care because there’s finally someone who can put Hanamiya in his place and it’s the FUNNIEST thing in the world

in other words, you’re good in their books; dare I say, they consider you as a friend // Hara’s been known to give you spare chewing gum every so often recently

you’ve went from checking in on their practices every couple days to tailing behind Hanamiya every chance you get (because you realized the team can just fool you and pretend they’re playing honestly when you do check-ins)... and then it eventually developed into you two always walking side by side (but not because you two enjoy each other’s company, though! don’t get the wrong idea now)

he expected you to tell him to completely change how the team played like any other person has done, but surprisingly, you haven’t really said it out loud… sure, he noticed that you frown a bit when they practice foul play on the courts, but you never made a serious attempt to stop it

“I get what your strategy is…” you give him that knowing look and genial smile one day, and INSTANTLY Hanamiya’s day is ruined once again; he only scowls and walks on, knowing that responding would fuel your sadism further… that was how he dealt with Imayoshi in middle school, after all

you lay out the strategies, describing the rough play as a prerequisite to the “spider’s web” setup, and you finally note that these starters aren’t playing their true positions, but just arranging themselves to create that formation to begin with

“Congratulations,” he praises with that mocking saccharine voice. “Want a cookie for your hard work, Ms. President?”

“Oho–I actually do~ You know, we should try out that pastry shop near the block—”

“Fucking dream on, dumbass.”

he reallllyyyyy hates the fact that no one’s as scared of him walking by them anymore, mostly because you’re there with him… and for some reason, their minds have the audacity to think that you’re taming him in some way or that you’d protect them if he tried anything

give him a year to really get used to your presence, trust me

but recently, your attitude with him has gotten more reactive with him… snappier; you haven’t lost your edge, but you’re not completely mentally there with him 100% sometimes and you sometimes drop the Imayoshi-smile with him completely + show an actual reaction to his words and actions

so now he has a new reason to be pissed—because someone’s making a fool of him enough to somewhat ignore his existence and go daydreaming on him as if he was completely harmless to you… but he’s also smug that he’s visibly riling you up

but one day, you weren’t tailing behind him—in fact, he hadn’t seen you around at ALL

he’s not gonna go look for you, what kinda idiot would damn do that

but it feels… so wrong without you near… not like he’d ever admit that

he didn’t see you for a week straight

he’s sauntering down the hallways so casually but his eyes scan for your figure without him even realizing

he looks out of the window from a high floor, and (finally) there you are, sitting on a bench outside alone, and he feels that familiar twitch curving up his lips at the anticipation of getting under your nerves again

so he walks downstairs, goes outside to look for you, but before he can open his mouth to announce himself to you, he sees you wiping your face with your sleeve with a sniffle

you were crying

he’s shocked out of his damn wits, if we’re gonna be honest, but he quickly recovers before he starts processing this entire situation

he’s now pissed, because:

1.) who’s capable of making you cry to begin with?

2.) how dare someone make his (y/n) cry

3.) NO ONE is allowed to make you cry except him and him only

4.) he doesn’t like how shaken he feels when he sees you so different from how you normally are, and he can’t have that shit—he needs to be in control of everything… but now, he has no idea what to do… this type of scenario never crossed his mind and now he feels like a lost little boy

“Oy.” it’s a rough line, hardly comforting at all—scary even, but if anyone knew Hanamiya well, those deep furrowed brows with a harsh scowl meant that he was bothered by what he was seeing

“Urgh,” you sniffed. “... I’m… (sniff) not in the mood for your shit right now…just, go away—can it, (sniff) will you?”

“And miss seeing this ugly ass mug of yours? Hah, I’ll make myself comfortable rigggghht here. They say the misfortunes of others taste like honey, and yours is a bit too delectable to pass up.”

he’s standing right in front of your seated figure, but before he moves to take a seat next to you and plop down, you wail out:

“... Shut the hell up and just hug me already, damn it…”

he stiffens momentarily, but his body is going on autopilot, as if it was following your command, and before he knows it, your face is pressed against his midriff, your arms wrapped around his torso… and he’s aghast to see HIS one arm against the back of your neck and the other (that’s also attached to him!) on your back

and to save face, he puts the fakest “loving” tone into his voice, as if mocking you that you’re touching him like this and he’s just playing along:

“Look at our president, hugging the Bad Boy like I’m the most precious thing in your life. Hah! Is this in the best interest of the student body, too?”

you tighten the hug around him before mumbling, “... No… it’s in my best interest.”

“... get off of me—your snot is disgusting.” (to which you gripped his torso even harder to spite him in response)

he’s using this hug as blackmail (he FINALLY has dirt on you to use against you)

. . .

imagine the school uproar of everyone when they found out you two are an official thing later on

the principal is gonna faint and die from a heart attack at the news

“You know,” you muse, “you should actually stop beating basketball players up and just keep the ‘spider’s web’ part of the strategy. The latter actually has some intellectual merit behind it.”

“And why should I, my dear (y/n)?” Hanamiya goads, looking up from a magazine to glance at you but holds his scrutiny of you when you lean your lips to his ear

“I’m sure a genius like you can find a way to piss players off while still playing by the rules. Don’t you think that’s the most infuriating thing of all? The way you’ve glared at me in the hallways for the past year tells me that you agree with my sentiment. I’ve always noticed.”

he merely scoffs at your face, “Roughing ‘em up gives me the most satisfying reactions. Playing by these damn rules makes me no different than those starry-eyed try-hards.”

“So that 160-plus IQ thing was all just you blowing smoke on some admission papers to make you feel better about yourself? You poor, poor thing… Maybe that intellect could do better with a team that can actually utilize it…? Perhaps Seirin—”

Hanamiya snarls at you and moves to grab your arm closer to him, but you swiftly dodged his grasp like it was the easiest thing in the world

“Nu~uh,” you chided, walking away from him. “Grabbing another student is Code 0129 violation of an attempt of physical assault on campus! We can’t have your team disbanded now, right?” ( ◠‿◠ )

he’s gonna make you eat your own words later though, trust me… after all, he’s still holding the blackmail (that you cried over liking him a while back while begging him for a hug) over you

you’re the one winning though, you completed your objective in convincing the Kirisaki Daiichi team in playing more fairly… and it all took a bit of conniving maneuvers on your end

#knb fic #kuroko no basket #Kuroko's Basketball #knb x reader #knb x y/n #knb headcanons #knb headcanon #knb scenarios #imayoshi shoichi #Imayoshi Shouichi #imayoshi #imayoshi x reader #imayoshi shoichi x reader #haizaki shougo #Haizaki Shogo #haizaki x reader #haizaki shougo x reader #hanamiya makoto #hanamiya makoto x reader #hanamiya x reader #enemies to friends to lovers #enemies to lovers

[sukirichi]

sweet lies [03.final]

His lies were way too sweet – and you were too addicted to make him stop.

cw. toxic! megumi, SEXY TOXIC MEGUMI 🥵, toxic college settings, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasm, orgasm denial, explicit smut, car sex, biting, scratching, sukuna is a sex god, MEGUMI WITH A LIP RING, slight angst

note. FINALLY FINISHED THIS SERIES AAAAHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THIS SERIES TYSM FOR EVERYTHING! lotsa lub lub for each and everyone of you! anyways let me just say...sweet lies sukuna can politely rail me.

series masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03

It’s…a different story when you have to move back and forth between your newly made acquaintance slash fuck buddy, Sukuna, to your actual fuck buddy and crush, Megumi.

Sukuna’s polite enough to not meddle into your business as he’s promised, which you’re extremely thankful for, but you should’ve known the bubble of happiness would pop the moment you stepped out of your apartment. You’ve left your phone unattended and on silent, earbuds always placed inside to ignore Megumi’s calls.

It’s funny, actually, that he’s never replied much to you before other than occasional dick pic and ‘you awake baby?’ but ever since you’ve been…pre-occupied, suddenly you’re on top of his contacts.

You grumble at the vibration of your phone, Megumi’s name flashing on the screen. Back then, you would’ve soared and jumped to pick up the call, voice sultry and toes pointed at the ceiling as you try to keep in your giggles. Now, you’re dreading it, glaring at his annoyingly handsome contact icon that used to make your heart skip a beat. You’re studying in the library and have been doing a terrific job at avoiding him so far, and today won’t be any different.

With a sigh, you completely flip your phone upside down and turn back to your book. You’re on the second line of the paragraph when you feel large, warm hands caress the back of your neck, tilting you upwards to meet his curious – and certainly annoyed – blue eyes.

“Babe,” Megumi drawls out, minty breath fanning your cheeks.

He looks absolutely stunning today, plain and casual yet so handsome in just a black hoodie and sweatpants, his dark hair slicked back to reveal his forehead. For a guy who sure pounded into your skill he had no interest in you that went beyond sexual, he sure did know you well enough, the slight tugging of his lips a sign he could easily read through you. It makes you huff away from him, scooting – trying is the keyword – away from his touch. Megumi’s persistence leads him into you placing you right above his lap and cages you between his arms, chin on your shoulder and his breath floating over your ear.

You can’t help but squirm in embarrassment. Half of the students in the campus library have turned to look at you, and Megumi merely smiles at the attention, audacious enough to kiss the shell of your ear.

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! In reality, you really do want to fuck him.

“Why have you been ghosting me?”

“I wasn’t ghosting you, Megumi, it’s called being busy. You ever tried doing homework?”

“You’re so mean to me today,” he pouts, but that pout soon brightens into a smile when you scowl at him. Megumi, albeit never really paying attention to you, your facial expressions have registered as second nature to him now. It doesn’t take much before you soften under his hold, still as mushy as ever, and the nasty fucker basks in it proudly. “There’s a party tonight at Okkotsu’s house, said his parents were away in Greece or some rich family shit. Wanna come and get wasted with me?”

“I don’t know, Megs, I have an essay to finish…”

“Come on, it’s just one night. It won’t hurt,” he shrugs and sways you to side to side, causing your heart to sway side to side in giddiness. It’s this – moments like this – that really fools you into believing Megumi likes you. And that sweet lie only turns sweeter from his words that drip like honey, “Plus, I’ve missed you. Can’t think straight when we’ve been apart for too long, baby.”

You pretend to think about it.

That slight falter in a split second brings about a waver in Megumi’s confident you didn’t think would be possible. Not that you can blame him; you never did have to think about it whenever he invites you to fuck around with him. In fact, you say yes a lot faster than he can ask you something, but something’s been changing you lately – or rather someone.

In the end though, you’ll circle up right where you belong.

Relishing in the rarity of having Megumi coddle you with kisses and affection, his perfume still as boyish and vanilla that deluded you into his faux aura of a sweet boy, you melt one more time. Hopefully, it would transition into a one last time before Megumi’s completely wrapped you around his finger.

“Fine. I’m leaving if it’s too noisy though.”

“Awesome,” Megumi chirps, pulling you in for a long, solid kiss. It takes you back by surprise that you end up wide-eyed above him, stiff hands on his shoulders as you feel him smile through the kiss. Then, just as you’re about to kiss him back with the same passion, Megumi separates himself from you and squeezes your ass. “Promise we’ll have fun, babe. I’ll even bring extra condoms.”

You’re not surprised he left afterwards.

But are you hurt? Most definitely so.

Fuck Fushiguro Megumi.

You were going to leave him, block him, ignore him, avoid him, and carve him out of your heart for good. It’s what you deserve – to be freed from such a toxic guy like him. His pretty face shouldn’t be an excuse for you stick around any longer. That party…well, it would be your last one, you’re never going back!

Still, it’s not that easy to let go. Years of following him around with puppy eyes and spreading your legs open for him like it’s the most natural thing to do isn’t just going to disappear in a day.

It’s for closure, you lie to yourself. That’s all it is – you just need closure. So for one last time, you’ll fuck around with Megumi, then you’d leave him. For good this time.

And yet – your mind still races back to him. His throaty, boyish laughter and the stupid way his eyes crinkle into half moons, his large hands slapping his knees when you tell him a really silly joke. Okay, he didn’t really laugh that much because he’s already passed out in the times you crack jokes after sex, but the few times he did, though? It’s magical, beautiful, phenomenal.

He’s so awful yet so irresistibly charming it’s a huge tug of war between your rational mind and foolish heart.

You couldn’t focus anymore in the library. If you wanted to pass your exams, you need to be somewhere that won’t remind you of him, in a place where a stronger aroma would conceal his lingering scent. The best option was to hang around in a local café closer to your apartment than on campus, and you’ve completely ditched your usual get up to just opting for lookinglike a complete shut in – bags under eyes, heart torn over a stupid boy, the usual Iced Vanilla Latte with the condensation sticking to the wooden table and soft lofi music playing in the background – it’s just the perfect atmosphere for you to wallow in self-pity.

And wallow in self-pity you did, your cheeks squished against the pale furniture while you sighed for what seems like the hundredth time that day. At the back of your head, Megumi is still giving you one of those slow, long kisses reserved for only when he’s half-sleepy, your heart doing insane back flips as you reminisced whatever moments you once had.

You’re so lost in your own train of thought you fail to hear the scraping of a chair, followed by a heavy body plopping across you. “Well, this is kind of gloomy…”

At the sound of that awfully familiar, deep voice, you sit up straight in a frenzy. Sukuna smirks at your reaction as he loudly sips from his matcha latte – which you would’ve never thought he likes – and sits back at his chair, legs crossed against one another. Unlike Megumi, he doesn’t seem to pose any other malicious intent, so you bury your head in your arms, wishing for the ground to just open up and eat you already.

“I’m sleep deprived and haven’t eaten anything except Red Bull and coffee,” you try to explain, “I look horrible.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gorgeous all the time.”

From under your arms, you scowl at nowhere in particular, ignoring the heat rushing from the back of your neck. Sukuna didn’t seem to be flirting with you, and one peek at him swirling his straw inside his cup proves your theories.

However, the offhanded compliment falls so naturally from his lips it takes you a back, and not in a good way. Defensively, you cross your arms against your chest. You knock your toes against Sukuna’s knees under the knees to get his attention, the taller man peering at you under his lashes, tongue innocently swirling around his straw.

I fucking hate men! – is what you want to say, but something different comes out. “Why are you even here? Aren’t you asleep in the morning because of work?”

“It’s my day off,” he sets his cup down, placing his chin on both of his palms. Sukuna’s gaze travels from your face down to the abandoned papers before you, a scowl immediately making its way to his face.  “Got too bored to cook so I came here for a light snack. As for you…ew, are you doing essays? I hated that shit in college.”

“Yeah, I hate it too,” you numbly agree, “Can barely function right now.”

Sukuna’s eyes lit up the moment you nearly fall on the table again, his palm quick to caress your cheek. If he can feel the intense heat of your skin from the sudden gesture, he makes no comment about it. Instead, Sukuna hauls you from your seat, nodding to your bag and papers before he rushes you out the door.

When Sukuna said he could make you feel better, the last thing you thought of was going to the nearby park. Now, you find yourself sitting comfortably with him, aggressively licking on the vanilla ice cream he’d gotten you from an ice cream man that passed by. It’s a great way to kill the time – or just to enjoy the day despite the rough start – because the sunlight feels warm on your skin, the trees above you shading you from extra shade.

Next to you, Sukuna is surveying his ice cream with the least interest, his brows furrowed as he notes, “Your crush is toxic. I suggest you cut ties with him and get it all over with.”

In part of making you feel better, Sukuna’s subtly given you clues you could tell him whatever’s going on in your mind. It makes you wonder if maybe you’ve been that obvious that even Sukuna could read you, but you’re thankful that he understood, because you really did want to rant about it. Your friends are just a one call away, but they’re not any better. They’ll keep claiming ‘Megumi just needs time’ because they know it’s what you want to hear to make yourself feel better. Though, every once in a while, you needed to talk to someone who could actually slap the harsh reality at your face, and who else would be more suitable than a mature adult like Sukuna?

Looking at him now, the contrast between your roommate and your crush is immense. Where Megumi is all bark and no bite, all needy and never giving, Sukuna’s silent and compliant, an extremely good listener with the patience of a monk.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah it is. Just block his number and avoid him. He’ll get the answer soon enough.”

“You don’t understand,” you groan in defeat. Sukuna faces you with worry written all over his face, seemingly tender in comparison to the tattoos marking his skin. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget he’s actually a lot more decent than Fushiguro fucking Megumi, but you end up slipping anyway, turning to the sky just as tears prick at your eyes. “I…I love him, okay? I’ve always been in love with him even though I know I’m just someone who warms his bed. I know that much and yet…I can’t seem to let him go.”

Sukuna is silent for a full minute. You thought he’ll offer you some adult wisdom only people like him would now, but Sukuna simply snorts, happily licking at his ice cream as if you didn’t just break down in front of him. “Shit’s tough then.”

“You’re great at comforting, you know that?”

“Oh, I wasn’t comforting you,” he smiles and pats your knee, “Come on, let’s go home. I know just how to take your mind off things.”

With the way he’s caressing your thigh and his voice turned an octave lower, you chastise yourself for feeling aroused when you wanted to cry just seconds ago. But his fingers are inching closer and closer to your inner thigh, and he’s warm and strong – so fucking nice too that perhaps fucking him wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

But like always, Sukuna never fails to surprise you.

You expected he’d take you right to his room the moment you’ve crossed the door, but Sukuna dashes for the TV before carrying a huge blanket and heaps of pillow. You watch there, stunned. He makes quick work of fluffing the pillows before grabbing your wrist and pulling you above him the same way Megumi did a while ago.

The only difference? Your heart doesn’t skip a beat. You’re not intoxicated by his scent. You’re not trying to squirm away from him nor do you feel like a silly little schoolgirl who’s fallen in love at first sight.

Where Megumi is deceivingly charming, Sukuna is more like a strong pillar to lean on, which you do exactly. Your head rests on his shoulder, both of your legs tangled under the blankets he’s covered you with. He’s blinking as Tangled plays on the TV, the faint sensation of his fingers playing with yours comforting and way too comfortable. It should feel weird to hang out with a guy like this without him wanting to shove his dick deep inside you minutes later (your movie marathons with Megumi never really finish as previously planned) but with Sukuna?

It feels natural. It feels great. It feels like home.

You’re gaping at him long before you realize it, one of your hands absentmindedly playing with the strings of his hoodie. Sukuna hums along to I Have A Dream with a small smile on his face, one that forms into a playful glare as he catches you staring at him. “Don’t look at me like that. Disney is a classic.”

You fight back a smile. “Wasn’t complaining,” burying yourself deeper into his warm embrace, you’re lulled into an early slumber with Sukuna’s humming combined with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

His plan worked efficiently – for a moment, you forget your heart was aching to begin with.

After screaming internally for a good hour and a half, you arrive at the party anyway. The stench of weed, alcohol, and sex hanging thickly in the air is more than familiar to you by now. You ignore the catcalls you receive as you make your way to Megumi and fuck, he just had to look even sexier tonight.

He’s ditched his e-boy getup with a plain white shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, a Converse, and that black leather jacket he always refused to wear. Megumi really woke up and chose violence today, the minimalistic silver chain around his neck only adding to his appeal. You should’ve run away then – he literally screams trouble – but you’ve never been one to shy from that. Truth be told, you’re only pulled in harder, swaying your hips side to side as you sashay to where he’s laughing along with his friends.

Clearing your throat to get his attention, Megumi finally lays his eyes on you.

You’re glad you took the extra time to dress in your best outfit today – a lace orange mini dress that accentuates your cleavage just enough for a tease, paired with black combat boots and a white purse slung from your shoulder. Pride pumps through your veins when Megumi steps away from his friends, his hands encircling around your waist almost possessively. He smirks through your hair, those addicting lips trailing lower and lower down to your neck until, “You smell like another man.”

Now that you weren’t expecting. He doesn’t seem to be mad, perhaps a little jealous judging by how he’s grinding his crotch to your abdomen and tugs you closer, but this is Megumi in the question. He never gets jealous, so you flatten your palms onto his chest, eyes daring and red lips upturned into a smirk as you ask, “Why do you care?”

Megumi raises a brow – which really shouldn’t have been such a sexy thing – at your spunk. Normally, you’re too sweet and submissive to him, never would’ve even dared to dress something as revealing like this, but maybe you’re tired of being sweet.

Maybe this time, you wanted to match Megumi’s spice, fight fire with fire.

Megumi chuckles above your lips and swipes a thumb over your lower lip, humming when the coating doesn’t stain his fingers. He’s mentioned before he hates washing the lipstick off his dick, and the fact you remember that has him groaning at your ear. Unsurprisingly, Megumi’s already hard. He nibbles at the shell of your ear, possessive hands brushing over your collarbone as a silent promise of what he’ll be doing to you tonight.

“Like I said, this pussy is mine.”

You should say no. It’s evident in the darkness of his eyes he’s daring you to say no, but it’s too much. The cramped space that diminishes space until it becomes a myth, his hands rubbing circles at your hip, the glint of his new lip ring under the disco lights and anything, everything about Fushiguro Megumi just makes you feel so weak you can’t say no.

Satisfied with your silence, Megumi sweeps you upstairs. There’s already a round of Truth or Dare going on with a bunch of drunk and half-high college students, the lights red and the aroma of weed thick in the air.

It bothers you so you stick close to Megumi, nose stuck at the collar of his leather jacket. He’s not satisfied with just you sitting next to him; Megumi is territorial. He makes sure you’re comfy and using his lap like a throne, clasping both your hands in your lap while he boredly stares at his friends. Okkotsu Yuta, the host who used to be super shy in his freshman year but became one of the most sought after guys in his junior year, sits across from you in the circle. He’s already giggling in his drunken state while Nobara Kugisaki makes the mistake of choosing dare, flinging her bra straight at a very enthusiastic Yuuji.

They spin the bottle and it lands straight at you. Megumi hums in anticipation at the crook of your neck, his little sounds mixed with his heated touches sending fire straight down your core. It’s inebriating to have him this close, but you need to keep a straight head if you want to survive.

Fighting the arousal pooling at your stomach, you offer a flat smile. “Truth.” As expected, the crowd isn’t pleased. They holler, “Booooo,” with their hands cupped around their mouths, the others snickering at you, though you’re quite satisfied with the safety of your choice. You could be crazy with Megumi, but being crazy around others isn’t something you’re comfortable with.

Thankfully, Yuta shushes the crowd dramatically with a threat he’ll kick them out with his infamous Katana that’s been passed down by an ancestor. Once everyone’s calmed down, Yuta smirks at you, eyes wiggling as he asks, “Who’s the best dick you ever had?”

You don’t think twice about it. Someone else’s face pops up for a split second, but it’s so natural, so obvious that you would say – “Megumi.”

“Speak louder, baby, they won’t hear.”

“It’s you,” you suddenly grow shy at the attention, whatnot with Megumi shamelessly trailing hot kisses down your neck now for everyone to see. He’s shameless as he rocks you back and forth on his thigh, all the while keeping eye contact with the other guys whose eyes are zeroed in on the swell of your breasts that are an inch away from popping out from your dress. It’s the best time to submit, the perfect time to give him what he wants, and his expert hands prompt his name out of you with a single suck at your neck.

“Fushiguro Megumi.”

“Damn, Megumi, you’ve trained your bitch well.”

“’Course I did. My dick does all the disciplining,” Megumi cups your jaw to tilt your face at him, cooing at you as you flush embarrassed from everyone’s snickering. “Aw, don’t pout baby, it’s all just harmless jokes. You know I treat you like a goddess when we’re alone.”

“Yo, man, get a fucking room!”

Megumi ignores Yuuji’s comments and makes an offhanded comment the latter is just jealous because he hasn’t had his dick wet in days, ensuing a close dog fight between the guys. Maki has to step in and kick the strawberry haired boy back to his seat, scolding her cousin to back down. Meanwhile, you cling to Megumi like a scaredy-cat, head empty with nothing but the way he’s never hold you this close and proudly before.

Just one last time.

“Megs, your turn.”

“Dare.”

Yuuji slaps his palm over Yuta who usually gives the dares. The older guy rolls his eyes but lets it slide, knowing that Yuuji could also let loose with his dares. Megumi isn’t afraid though, he stays docile around you, leaving little nibbles at your ear and even squeezing your boobs at one point. You know he’ll never back down from Yuuji’s dares, even as his eyes darken with mischief. Now, Yuuji is a nice guy, but something doesn’t quite feel right with the way he’s staring Megumi down.

“I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

Megumi freezes.

Time must’ve stopped because everyone is chanting, “KISS, KISS, KISS!” but he makes no move. You stay there, staring up at him wide eyed with your arms looped around his neck. Your heart is beating a mile a minute in your chest the moment Megumi’s eyes gaze down to your lips, smirking as he leans closer, leans down lower, and you close your eyes, waiting for the salacious kiss that would sear at the back of your mind. But it never comes and a gust of wind flies by through you, and before you know it, Megumi’s leaned over your shoulder, his hand cupping the cheek of this girl named Alicia who you’ve heard about from your friends before that she’s Megumi’s current pick.

Alicia was never supposed to kiss him back. Your friends told you, they promised you she wasn’t the type of person to fall for the likes of Megumi, and yet she’s smiling through the kiss. You’re still in Megumi’s lap but your vision is of the audience, their jaws dropped and Yuuji slapping Yuta’s thighs. “Oh, shit! That’s gotta hurt!”

You don’t think twice.

You push yourself off Megumi and run out the room, the sounds of their chaotic laughter mocking you to no end. You know – you fucking know – you’d never quite belong in Megumi’s circle. Everyone knows you’re just another one of his bed warmers, and they also know how much you’re hopelessly in love with him, begging, hoping that one day he might return your affections.

It makes perfect sense with each step you take further from the room. This has to be staged, intentional, because there’s no way Yuuji would’ve said that if he didn’t already have an idea maybe Alicia reciprocated Megumi’s feelings.

But what about your feelings?

Does no one really care? Were you really reduced to just another body count?

Your chest squeezed uncomfortably as you pushed past the crowd, ignoring everyone’s protests from how rough you were. You don’t stop until you’ve locked yourself inside a restroom, tears freely falling down your face. With trembling hands, you fall back to the floor, dialing the only person you could trust right now.

He picks up not three rings later, voice still gruff and laced with sleep. “Hello?”

“S-Sukuna,” you whimper, pathetically wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “I’m – can you please pick me up?”

From the other line, you can hear Sukuna shuffling for something in the background. Keys dangle and he locks the door, the sounds of his rushed footsteps so relieving to your senses. “Where are you? What’s wrong? Did someone force themselves on you?”

“No, I just…I want to go home.”

“Text me the address. I’ll be there soon.”

You text him the address and end the call. From the outside, the bass is thumping so hard it makes your head pound. You’re already feeling dizzy from crying so much, hands clutched around your chest because it hurts so much.

Stupid Megumi, fucking stupid Megumi – but aren’t you the stupider one? You’re the one who chose to keep being with him despite the warning signs. You’ve heard what everyone said about him, his reputation as a fuckboy isn’t exactly a secret, but you hoped, you sincerely hoped you could at least be good enough. But you’re not not good enough – Megumi just simply doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better and he needs to go to hell, so then why does it hurt so much the more you picture how he’s humiliated you like that?

Your dress is beyond soaked from how much you’ve cried. At this point, you just feel achingly numb. The pounding in your head is matched by the soft knocks rapping against the door, and thinking it’s Megumi or one of his lackeys, you wrap your arms around your knees.

“GO AWAY!”

“Sweetheart, it’s me. Open up, let’s get you home,” It’s Sukuna. Scrambling for the door, you push it open and jump into his arms without a second thought. Sukuna effortlestly catches you, and the dam you thought had dried up in you breaks again. He stiffens as you cry on his shoulder, fists balled around his shirt in a vice-like grip. “Who the fuck made you cry? Is it him again?” he growls, “I seriously want to knock the living daylights out of him.”

“Don’t start a ruckus, Sukuna.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he visibly softens at your state. Sukuna rubs your back soothingly and lets you cry like that, shielding your vulnerable state with his arm. He moves you to hide your face in his chest and kisses the crown of your head, so gentle and unbelievably tender. “I don’t pick on someone weaker than me. That’s bullying.”

You don’t utter another word as he leads you out of the house. He mutters under his breath on how kids are so wild these days and he really can’t imagine he was once like that. Sukuna’s car is parked on the curb, and you rush for it, eager to go home until he stops you. He wraps his jacket around your shoulders to offer you some modesty and you offer him a weak smile, allowing him to embrace you from the sides to guide you.

“Hey!” Megumi calls out, “Hey, what are you doing with her? Let her go,” his footsteps echo behind you just as you clench your eyes shit, “I said let her go!”

“Don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid,” Sukuna mutters to himself like a mantra.

“Yo, steroid guy, you deaf or what? I said let my girl go—” Megumi falls on his ass. He stares up at whoever punched him, eyes wide at Sukuna’s arm raised, but his eyes are on you. “Ow! You fucking bitch, you broke my nose!”

“Shit,” Sukuna laughs beside you as you wince at the soreness of your knuckle. “That was hot.” Somehow, you find the ability to smile. You’ve always wanted to top Megumi, but seeing him below you like this, weak and clutching his broken nose while whining about it like a little bitch, it feels a lot more satisfying.

You want to scream at him, to release all the profanities that have manifested your anger throughout the years. But Megumi crawls back with something unreadable in his eyes, the edges of his lips tinted red with a smack of lipstick, probably from Alicia.

The sight has you scoffing. Maybe you don’t have anything to worry about after all – Megumi hates lipstick stains with a passion. If he ever gets with her, they won’t last long enough.

That fact is enough for you to flip your hair over your shoulder, glaring at Megumi one last time before dragging Sukuna down by the collar. His laughter ceases the moment your lips collide, your hands teasing around his neck to brush at his undercut. Sukuna moans through the kiss, the way he’s explicitly grabbing the flesh of your ass a sign he’s aware what kind of game you’re playing. You make a mental note to apologize for this later, but for now, you’ll shamelessly savor his tongue and the minty aftertaste, grabbing at his large frame that picks you up with no ease.

You leave Megumi gaping at the lawn after that, your finger middle raised right before Sukuna speeds off.

Fuck, that has never felt so good. This feeling…it bursts through you. There’s this certain satisfaction in finally having the power at your fingertips this time around, and you you’re your wicked smile through your hair, too absorbed in your own feelings that you don’t register Sukuna’s worried tone at first.

“So…do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He doesn’t pry afterwards, just shoots you a curious look. Just moments ago, you were crying and feeling like you’re on the verge of breaking down, but this adrenaline rushing through absolutely cannot fuck around anymore. The image of Megumi realizing he’s lost you is so exhilarating, and you twist your torso to face your roommate, grinning at his handsome features. He looks so delicious like this, black button up shirt left open at the top, his veiny, muscular arms driving one hand on the steering wheel and the other gently caressing your thigh. You suck in a deep breath, licking your lips as you purr, “Hey, Sukuna.”

“Yes?”

“Pull over.”

“Wait, why? We’re so close at home.”

“Pull over, I’m done,” you insist with a glare, although the animosity isn’t directed at him. Sukuna keeps his eyes on the road before he spares you a glance, smirking at how you’re already unclasping your bra from your seat.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re going to use me as a stress reliever.”

At his words, your arms still behind you. You glance up at him with wide, worried eyes that immediately reach out for his hands in assurance. “N-No, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Usually, sex is a lot crazier when the other is angry. Use me as you will – I don’t really care,” he licks his lips and suddenly slams on the brakes under an empty parking lot, already flipping something in the engine. You’re taken aback as Sukuna discards his shirt in a second, his large arms carrying your frame to the backseat with him. Sukuna spreads your legs as he helps you get rid of your dress but it’s too tight that you just give up, leaving the material bunched under your boobs instead. Sukuna’s eyes darken at the lack of material under your dress, his fierce gaze shooting up to yours as he massages your inner thighs, his breath labored.

“What position do you want?”

“Fu-fuck, I don’t know, just fuck me,” you whine, spreading your legs farther to make space for him. He’s a tall guy with long limbs that he shrinks even with his fancy car, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sukuna seems a lot more focused in fucking you in that moment because he’s unhooking his belt, diving down for one more kiss that is a lot heated and rushed than the previous one for show.

“I want to get rid of his face from my mind, I fucking hate him so much,” you can’t help but bite down on Sukuna’s lip, hard enough that it draws blood. Sukuna groans into your mouth, the sound so utterly deep and sexy you drip down on his seats even more.

“You’ll still go back to him after this?”

“No…it would be stupid if I did,” you roll your eyes.

“Good girl,” Sukuna praises as his lips leave a wet trail from your jaw down to the valley of your breasts. His smile is quickly replaced with a sinister grin, one of his hands cupping your breasts at the same time his teeth dart out to playfully nip at your breasts. He really shouldn’t look so enticing under you like this, and you’re so caught by his devilishness you fail to realize he’s already rummaging through your purse. “But I think lover boy still doesn’t get the message. We’re gonna have to punch it through his dumb skull.”

He hands you your phone, Megumi’s contact right before you.

“Sukuna, what’re you doing?”

“Call him,” Sukuna moves up to fish a condom out of his wallet and slides it to his already throbbing cock, chuckling at the way your eyes widen at his girth as if you hadn’t taken him before. “Call him and let him hear how I fuck you better, sweetheart. Boys like him won’t get the message unless you tell them directly.”

His hands clutch the backseat until his knuckles turn white, aligning himself with your entrance. You’re wet enough that he slides in easily and you moan loudly at the intrusion, pretty little gasps a sign of your pleasure. Helplessly, you grip at his bicep while your legs shake from how tense you are, the tantalizing movement of his hips pulling breathless moans from you. “And what better way than to take what’s his, right? What did he call this? His pretty pussy?” Sukuna scoffs, “Fuck that, stupid little boys can’t even fuck you right, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Ngh, Sukuna, that f-feels good, right there!”

“Right here?” he teases with a stroke of his cock that brushes against your tight walls. Sukuna’s face contort into pleasure when your tight pussy sucks him in, falling forward just to rasp in your ear. “Call him. Then, I’ll fuck you however you want me to.”

You don’t know how you’re able to swipe on Megumi, but he picks up in the speed of light like never before. Sukuna mouths loudspeaker and you follow his commands, Megumi’s voice booming through the sex-filled air of the car. “Where the fuck did you go? The party wasn’t over yet and you’re hanging out with some beefy, tattoed guy? It’s your roommate, isn’t it?” Megumi curses at someone before continuing, the aggravation evident in his tone. “He’s such a fucking creep, I swear if he lays his hands on you again I’ll—”

“You’ll do what, kid?” Sukuna challenges, “Oh and mind you, she’s the one who asked me to fuck her. As her concerned roommate and the more mature adult, I believe it’s my duty to listen to her complaints and make her feel better, especially when she keeps whining she’s not being fucked good.”

“Sukuna!” You whine and slap his arm, but you’re smiling, the pleasure and satisfaction of slapping Megumi this harshly making you feel greater than ever.

“Are you sleeping with her?” Megumi sounds like he’s losing his shit, and you sincerely hope he does. “Gosh, Y/N, how low can you be? I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Since when?” you attempt to scream, but Sukuna’s gripped your thighs and pulls your lower body closer to his cock in time to meet his thrusts. Your body slides off the seat and you’re left screaming Sukuna’s name, the latter wearing a shit-eating grin at the way you’re creaming around him. Somehow, your attention reverts back to Megumi’s whining. “You’re a fucking dick, Megumi, I honestly hope you choke on your small dick!” you shout and end the call, slapping your hand on your face as you throw your phone away. “I hated saying that.”

“Because you still like him or…?”

“No, because he was actually a good fuck and his dick is huge,” you say through pants. Sukuna must’ve hated how you’re talking about Megumi’s dick when he’s literally rearranging your insides, and Sukuna grabs your leg, manhandling you into the position he likes. You’re immediately on your knees with your back flat to his chest, your arms locked between your bodies as Sukuna takes you from behind. Your head falls back to his shoulders where Sukuna leaves messy open-mouthed kisses to your sweaty skin. “I fucking hate him. He’s such an asshole.”

“Hmm, well don’t spend too much energy thinking about him anymore,” Sukuna snarls at your skin, releasing your hands just to rub at your swollen clit. “Just let loose and let me take care of you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t even remember meeting him.”

The honest side of you wants to moan, the familiar tightening of your abdomen appearing already. He’s hitting all your sensitive spots that you can barely think, only feel, but you also feel so powerful and enraged that you cup Sukuna’s cheek, narrowing your eyes at him. You hit his thrusts by pushing back against his cock that causes him to slide in deeper, the large man groaning deep within his chest.

“You sure about that?”

“Oh, hundred percent confident, baby.”

“Let’s see what you got then,” you teased him. Pretending you’re not seconds away from coming is an even bigger challenge than leaving Megumi, but for the sake of riling up Sukuna, you would do it.

“You’re challenging me?”

“If I don’t cum at least twice, then that’s going to be a damn shame.”

“Twice? That’s not even the minimum,” he shakes his head tauntingly at you, increasing his pace until the sounds of his balls smacking your ass and both your groans are filling the dead silent night. It’s so lewd and dirty that your tongue lols out from the pleasure, eyes shut tight because you’re close, so fucking close! “You’re going to lose your fucking mind,” Sukuna said as a final warning.

You didn’t think too much of it until he pulls out of you seconds before you came. The crestfallen look written all over your face makes him laugh, but Sukuna only turns your body and goes down on his knees, hitching your legs over his shoulders. Your chest falls up and down as he dives down to your sopping, abused cunt, hands threading through his hair before he rudely flicks it away. “No. Hands to yourself. You’re not allowed to touch me,” he hissed, but his roughness is softened only by a little bit when you whimper so sweetly for him. “Don’t pout, sweetheart, you’ll get your chance when we get home. For now, since you’d so rudely woke me up and left me without inviting me for dinner, I’m starving.”

Sukuna dips between your thighs, tongue poking out to take the first taste of your juices. Your reaction is instantaneous and gratifying; head thrown back, nails dug into the seats, legs quivering and falling open wider to welcome the warm, wet muscle that licks flat from your entrance up to your clit.

“Fuuckk, Sukuna, slow down, ngh—”

“He ever ate you out this way?”

“No, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Can you take it, sweetheart? Should I stop?” You know he’s teasing you, the sniggers muffled from your pussy lips are still heard but you can’t fight back, not when your legs turn to jelly at his ministrations.

“Keep going, fuck, please, I will slap you if you don’t make me cum tonight,” you threaten, and Sukuna smartly responds by sucking your clit into his mouth. He rolls it between his teeth, careful enough not to hurt you while plunging two fingers deep inside you, curling it into a come-hither motion that stretches you pleasurably. “Too, oh, shit!”

“You can’t even talk properly,” he chuckles, and the vibrations that come afterwards shatter your entire world. “And this is just my tongue. Feels too good?”

“Yes, yes, too good!” you cry out, “Sukuna, em coming!”

Your orgasm has no build-up whatsoever. You lay there panting with a silent scream as your nails scratch against his seats, toes curled as it comes down into you in one, hard slap. Sukuna hums as he licks up the arousal trailing down your pussy to not make even more of a mess. “Already? I haven’t even started yet,” he sighs sarcastically, “Don’t think I’m done with you. I did say you’d lose your mind, right?”

Sukuna has now joined you on the seats, flipping you to the side where he hooks one leg under his arm, your other leg extended to your side that remains flushed at the seats, his thighs squishing yours. It’s utterly challenging to move in this position and you’re completely at his mercy, the sight of his tall, dominating figure above you forcing you back into a submissive space. He doesn’t give you much time to recover before his cock is pushing past your pussy once more, bottoming out in one, swift thrust.

“’Kuna, too sensitive, mhhm—”

“You’ll take it,” he breathes out while peppering kisses at your ankle, “Come on, you’re a good girl, yeah? Give me one more.”

“Su-kuna, it’s too much!”

“Just one more.” Sukuna elicits moans from you the harder he thrusts, leaning forward until you’re crying out from the stretch of all the muscles in your body. He’s being nice today by letting you cum more than twice in the exchange of holding back his, because he’s absolutely throbbing inside you. He picks up a rougher pace from where he left off, saying your name through gritted teeth as you tighten around him. You’re squealing and whimpering from behind your fists, overly sensitive still from your previous orgasm.

His hips roll in such a mind-numbing manner before Sukuna rams into you utterly deep, your bodies flushed so close you can feel the heat pulsing from his skin. Sukuna tenses above you before he brings you to your orgasm, with him following not long afterwards.

Sukuna pulls out with a groan and ties his condom in a knot, discarding it above his clothes. Upon hearing your soft sighs, he immediately rushes your side and pats your cheek to wake you up. “Hey, look at me,” he commands, though his voice is gentle and soft. “You good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out through fluttering lashes, “Yeah, I’m just tired,” extending your arms to him, you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him close. “Come here. Want cuddles.”

Sukuna gives in to your request for a few minutes and stays wrapped up with you. It’s perfect to be in this state, to be held so close and not just touched, the intimacy of it all bringing about unfamiliar warmth that only ever makes itself present when he’s here. “As much as I want to stay like this, we’re sweaty and sticky,” Sukuna murmurs through your hair, his hands roaming all over your skin. There’s no other sexual meaning behind it even as his rough palms graze past your mound. His touches are more like him exploring your body out of curiosity, out of the desire to just have you this close. You’re unsure what to feel about it and your mind is uncannily clear after an orgasm, but Sukuna’s already sitting up with you above him before you could ponder about it any longer. “Let me take you home first, then we’ll cuddle. What do you think?”

“Oh fuck,” you cut him off upon seeing the flashing of your screen. “It’s Megumi. Fifteen missed calls.”

“Lover boy is crazy,” Sukuna snickered behind you.

“Good thing I’m crazier,” you shut your phone off and throw it to the passenger’s seat, beaming up at Sukuna and giving him the puppy eyes from behind your shoulder. “Can we get milkshakes on the way?”

“I think you got enough milk.”

“Sukuna!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he raises his hands in surrender. You pout until you feel something hard and wet poking your bottoms, and Sukuna smirks, gesturing to his erection that you haven’t noticed. “You do know that I’m still hard, right? I’ll fuck you again when we get home.”

“You could’ve just let me suck you off.”

“Nah,” he refuses, “I want to feel you come around me,” Sukuna cockily winks at you, and your mouth falls open, gasping in disbelief at how vulgar he could be. He steals a quick kiss then as he tugs his pants up, the sight of him rolling his sleeves back up to his elbows thoroughly…compelling that you’re left salivating at the ripples of his muscles. “I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. Right now, I need to treat someone like a princess and get her some food.”

“You should stop saying that,” you blurt out defensively, “Sweet lies won’t get you anywhere.”

“I wasn’t lying about anything. I meant every word I said.”

The tension thickens in an instant. Sukuna looks at you warily – or perhaps worriedly? – before he situates himself back in the driver’s seat, starting the car right after you’ve fixed your appearance. Considering it’s already late, he’s struggling to find any restaurant or diners open to appease your cravings, though he doesn’t complain about it.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, unable to find a proper explanation to his behavior. “Sukuna…” you start off nervously, refusing to look him in the eye. “Do you uhm…do you like me?”

“What kind of question is that, sweetheart?”

“I meant…maybe you just like me for my body, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he tilts his head towards you, “I’m too old for drama and playing with people’s feelings. Like I said, the cards are all in your hands now. If you want us to just have casual sex, I don’t mind, but if you also want to be, uhm…” Sukuna awkwardly rubs at the back of his head with a clear of his throat, the tables turned because now he’s the one who can’t meet your gaze. “…something more, then I won’t refuse that either. I’m up to whatever you want to do.”

“And if I said that…maybe I’m considering getting to know you better?”

“Then maybe I would happily say yes.”

You smile at how easily he lightens up the mood, feeling a smile already playing on your lips as you giggle. “Just a maybe?”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he groans, averting his eyes from the road (it’s empty anyway) to get a quick peck. You whack his arm and his laugh only grows louder; he knows you’re not really angry, because he kisses really good and you like it a lot more than you’ll admit.

“I’ll be a hundred times of a better boyfriend than what you’d expect.”

“You’re really confident, huh?”

“Oh, I’m confident I can treat you well,” he nods proudly, head tipping back to the backseat. “I did just let you ruin my leather exterior and let you walk away while I have a raging boner. Do you have any idea how much self restraint a man has to have to let that happen?”

“Probably an immaculate one. Megumi would never let me go unless he’s came.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that guy,” Sukuna doesn’t even bother to try and hide his hatred for your former crush, and you’re smiling like a lovesick fool on the seat. “You’re with me now. So, since I want to spoil you, how many milkshakes do you want?”

Back then, you were always too addicted to lies that seemed so sweet that you couldn’t be able to stop. But now that you’ve met Sukuna, perhaps the blissful truth is a lot sweeter, and it’s a much healthier addiction you’ll take any day.

taglist: @thesimpsclub @uwubby-1 @expectoscamander @your-consulting-fangirl @dora-the-grownup @cosmotoic @charlie-xo @kittaliapenn @sukunas-cult-leader @flowersgirl02 @cloudsinthecosmos @90s-belladonna @averysheart-raleighsdick @generousstudentpsychic-bat @kat-su-ki @issamomma @sklycan​ @ggsmashgg​ @dora-the-grownup​ @ninefuckingoneone​ @ambiguous-something​ 

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[tinalbion]

A  R E A L  H E R O | t w o

You move to Evergreen for a fresh start, you've inherited your grandparents' place, and then you meet the sweetest guy. But there's a duality to him, something a bit darker. Then you meet Vigilante, a killer anti-hero who just looks out for the safety of Evergreen, but the dangerous side of him appeals to you more than you care to admit.

》MINORS, DO NOT INTERACT《

Pairing: Vigilante x f!Reader 

Rating: Explicit; smut, drinking, and so much fluff and angst

Length: 7.3k (guys I am SO sorry...) 

p a r t  2   | a f t e r t h o u g h t

If you would have been told that you'd be a witness to a vigilante superhero murdering two men right in front of you, you'd have said they were insane. 

But the events were still fresh in your mind almost a week later, and you had been plagued with daydreams of Vigilante on an almost constant basis. Sure it had been a while since you'd had proper sex with someone, but you didn't think it would have been this big of a deal either. Murdering, sex, it was all a whirlwind of chaotic shit that had suddenly come into your life. What really got you rethinking your questionable morals was the lack of communication from his end. 

You'd given him your number and hoped he would have said something by now, anything really, but you hadn't heard from him since. You had to remind yourself that he was out here doing a lot of dirty work in order to keep Evergreen safe and sound for its residents, but even a text would have been acceptable. 

'Quit it,' you thought to yourself, 'he's not obligated to message you or anything. Stop getting hung up on this guy. You don’t even know him.'

It was a slap in the face for you to be ghosted like that, you figured you had a fun enough time, but come on, you needed to think realistically. To get your mind off of things, you decided that you needed to go out and have some lunch, get some air, and carry a bigger knife in your pocket in case more assholes decided to ruin your day. 

The breakfast was good enough when you'd first gone, so now you figured it was time to try a lunch platter at Fennel Fields. You had a sneaking suspicion that this would be your new hangout spot for food, but you really should get acquainted with other places soon. 

You arrived and ordered something from the menu that seemed to be a good enough option and you killed the time by reading a book you brought with you. Something about a half-elf woman who passed as human and was turned into a fish for 14 years. It was a trip, to say the least, but you were enjoying yourself more than you thought. A figure approached the table and you figured the food was ready to be served, but you were greeted with the familiar face of the busboy you met a week prior. 

"Oh, hey!" He chirped excitedly. "Fancy seeing you here again, you must like the food, huh?"

You smiled up at Adrian and nodded your head to the side. "You know, I think I do, it's pretty good here. But how are you, uh, Adrian, right?"

You remembered his name. He couldn't have been happier to hear you recall his name, it sounded so good on your lips. "Uh, well I'm great, actually! Thanks…" he trailed off when he looked down and saw the book you were reading. "Wait, you know that series?"

You looked questioningly at him until you realized he'd been referencing the book in your hand. "Oh, this? Yeah, the set was gifted to me since I'm big into fantasy and sci-fi stuff, not bad so far. You've heard of it?"

Adrian nodded and tried his best not to get too excitable. "Oh yeah! I uh, I picked it up at some point and really enjoyed it. I've been following her entire series, she's still writing for it, too! She wants like, twenty-three books for her entire story."

You found it rather cute that you two were into the same books, seemed like a lovely coincidence. "Whoa, she's still going? I only have like, five of these… how many are there now?"

"Fifteen."

Your jaw dropped and you couldn't help but laugh. "Damn, she's got a vision and she’s sticking to it, I respect that."

Adrian nodded and didn't know what else to say, he shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat. "Look, I'm sorry I bothered you, just wanted to say hi, but I'll leave you alone so you can eat and get back to your book."

"No, I really appreciate it, Adrian. You're always welcome to say hi." Your smile was so warm that it lifted his spirits immediately. "And hey, if you ever wanna hang out maybe, I don't really know anyone here yet, I'd be more than down to."

You wanted to hang out with him, of all people? He wanted to question it but decided against it in the end. "Um, yeah, sure! I'd uh, I'd like that… though I gotta say I'm not into the usual stuff most people are."

"Hmm well, what are you into?" 

He blushed a little and looked away. "Don't tease me, but I like games like D&D, stuff like that. Though movies are fun, too."

Your eyes lit up. "Oh you're into D&D? I've always wanted to try it out, never had the time, well, until recently anyway."

Adrian’s eyes once again widened, his obvious excitement plastered all over his face. “Hey uh, it’s a long shot but if you ever, I dunno, wanted to come over and play sometime, I could teach you? I don’t really have a campaign going much anymore, but it would be fun to teach someone I think.”

You sensed his unease and saw those big doe hazel-colored eyes, you couldn’t help but fall victim to them. This kid was really sweet, you knew he would be a nice guy, someone easy to talk to. “I’d actually love that, yeah! I’m pretty much open for whenever, really, want my number?”

He smiled wide. “I already-” He paused and cleared his throat, panic rose in his eye for a brief moment. “I was already gonna ask, it’s like you read my mind… I can type it in for you?” He pulled out his phone and unlocked it, his thumbs waiting for your direction.

You rattled off your number and watched his face as he typed, it was in pure concentration mode, you felt a pit in your stomach that resembled the cliche feeling of butterflies. Ridiculous, but it was unavoidable all the same. He slipped the phone back in his pocket and thought for a second and removed his hat, rubbing his hand through his hair. 

“So how about tomorrow afternoon? I could pick you up and we could order some lunch, yeah? Unless you don’t want to do that, we could always-”

“Adrian, that’s perfect,” you assured him and gave him a kind smile. Something about him felt so familiar and you couldn’t put your finger on it. “Want me to bring anything specific? Like a notebook or something?”

“Actually,” he said as his brows furrowed, “that’s not a bad idea, yeah! A notebook, pen, pencil, whatever you write with, and uh whatever else you wanna bring? Surprise me I guess, if you want to do something else besides that then we can figure it out.”

You both agreed to meet up tomorrow around noon, he’d pick you up and you’d drive to his place. You were curious about what his place looked like and wondered who he lived with if anyone. Living alone wasn’t exactly the best considering you had always been used to living with someone, but it had come as an instant change that interrupted your bland, normal, predictable life. And you couldn’t be more thankful for it. The move was new to you, it was a new town with new people, and definitely more interesting everyday happenings. That’s all you could ask for, it was going to be one step at a time, and you already had a friend in Evergreen. A good friend, and then there was Vigilante, who was more of a fuck buddy? You had no goddamned idea. 

*

The next morning, you were already half awake when your phone notification went off. You checked it as you brushed your teeth and smiled when you noticed it was a message from Adrian. A glob of toothpaste fell from your mouth and you cursed under your breath. 

Morning! Hope to still see you later on today. Adrian :)

So later on, you stood outside in the bright rays of the sun, the spring breeze swept through your hair and made it dance around your face, which blocked your eyes and you barely had time to spot the Seabring pull up right in front of you. Adrian leaned toward the open passenger window and waved at you. Your grin was infectious as you slid into the car and placed your notebook and pencil case on your lap, then you slid your seatbelt across your chest, and turned to look at him. His outfit was simple enough for him sure, but to you, it gave him so much more personality outside of his job. He had a sky blue tee-shirt underneath a cozy zip-up sweater that had several colors on it, and his hair was so full and soft, you had a fleeting thought of how good it would feel to run your hands through it. 

‘Christ, get a grip, babe,’ you scolded yourself and looked away from him. 

Adrian caught you staring at him, he wondered if something was wrong. “Am I the one who has something in my teeth now?” he joked and gave a hearty laugh. 

You chuckled in response and met those eyes again. “Not at all, just not used to you out of the work uniform, you look really nice.”

His face dropped and he was the one to look away now, his hands reached out and gripped the steering wheel tightly. “Thanks, Y/N, you always look really nice, too,” he marveled with a grin on his face. 

He began to drive off and you watched out the window, your attention stolen by the sights that you hadn’t had the heart to explore on your own. Adrian kept looking over at you and watched the expressions on your face change from curious to amused to in awe. He seemed to forget to focus on everything around him as he just watched you, he felt content in that knelt until the car swerved a bit and he gasped with both hands jerking the wheel straight again. 

'Shit! Fuck, I hope she didn't- oh no she's looking at me, she noticed.' 

"You okay?" You were surprised and worried, the sudden jerk of the car freaked you out and the last thing you needed was Adrian feeling ill and passing out at the wheel.

"I-I yeah, I'm fine, I'm so sorry, shit, I didn't realize, but I'm sorry. Won't happen again." He stared straight ahead, his attention fully on the road to make sure he wouldn't scare you again. 

"Just making sure," you reply softly, "if you need to pull over or something then go ahead, just want to make sure you're alright." 

Adrian laughed and looked over at you for a short moment, then back at the road. "You always this nice to everyone?" 

"Just the people who matter."

Fuck. His jaw clenched as he tried to remain focused, but thankfully his place was just up this block and he wouldn't have to worry about crashing the car again. He pulled into the drive and parked, but he didn't get out instantly. He sat back in his seat and stared out the windshield for a moment until you placed your hand gently on his arm. He flinched for a second and looked at you, his expression was unreadable. 

You gave him a worried look but you figured he'd say something if anything was wrong. Maybe he really didn't want you over, he didn't want to go back on asking you over to his place, maybe it was all just out of pity. You sat in silence as you began to doubt yourself and you wrapped your arms around yourself, the quietness between you both only made you feel at a loss. Adrian finally turned to look at you and sighed. 

"I didn't mean to freak you out, I've just been feeling kinda weird? I don't know what's going on with me, I'm just not used to socializing with a lot of people, new people too. It's a lot to handle and I'm sorry I freaked you out. If you wanna go home I'd completely understand, you know?"

You listened and wanted to help any way you could but had no idea where to begin. So you placed your hand on his arm and gave it a light squeeze. "Adrian, whatever is up with you, I know we don’t know each other well but you’ve been kind to me, the least I can do is return the favor.” It was simple, it was direct, and you wish you had said more. It was hard to articulate just how you felt sometimes, and although you and Adrian were still technically strangers, you wanted nothing more than to hang out with him. “Let’s go inside and play some D&D, sound good? I’ll buy lunch, my treat.”

As he watched you get out of the car, he looked down at the steering wheel and scoffed, wondering just how he ended up findings someone like you, then he mustered up as much confidence as he could and got out of the car to trail behind you. 

*

“Despite the best efforts of a pious and powerful cleric and others, none could stop the arcane lights and unidentified sounds that come at night,” Adrian had been doing his best to make sure you had the best time despite not knowing what the hell was actually going on, but you were laughing and intrigued by the storyline, that’s all that mattered; you were having fun. “The only ones left to fight the corrupt head of the local adventurer's guild are you, the intrepid heroes, backed only by the hopes of those from the streets of a large city and their promised reward of the adulation and gratitude of the locals.”

“Ooh, those damn clerics,” you mused as you took a sip at your beer, your mind swirling as you tried to focus, but you were laughing at how cute Adrian had been making the voices different for each character you both encountered. “So we’re going on another adventure! That’s exciting and I am terrified.”

“No, you shouldn’t be scared, be excited! You never know what you’re gonna encounter, you know!” Adrian had begun to build more of the story and you listened closely, you swore you did, but something about when he talked it just drew you in and you couldn’t help but feel content, safe. 

Not much different when you were around Vigilante. He hadn’t been on your mind much, not when you were with Adrian, but it was still uncomforting to you that he just blew you off as he had. It made you feel things you should never have, but that’s why you needed this hangout, you needed to distract yourself from him, no matter how much you fought against it. 

It was like Adrian could sense a shift in your demeanor, his eyes perked up and watched as you stared off at the makeshift board he had set up and he sat up straight. “If you wanna take a break Y/N, we can, I sometimes get a bit too into it and get distracted. You having fun at least?”

You looked up at him, the warmth in your cheeks spread to the tips of your ears. “Oh hell yeah, I’m having loads of fun, are you kidding? This is a great distraction, plus I still got pizza, I’m content.”

“What would you need a distraction from?” he asked curiously.

Your face probably gave away how you were feeling and it made Adrian smirk a little, so you took another large sip and sighed. “Well, I met Vigilante, you heard of him?”

Adrian’s frame stiffened slightly. “Oh uh, him? Yeah, yeah, I know him! He’s pretty popular around Evergreen.”

You looked surprised. “Ah, you DO know him, he saved my ass big time this past week,” you mused and shyly hid behind the bottle of beer in your hand. 

Adrian laughed and sat back in his chair, his body still a little tense from the topic. "He's saved me a few times too, he's definitely a good guy." 

You nodded mindlessly in agreement while you also sat back. “I think he blew me off.” You scoffed at your comment and began to laugh hysterically. “Oh my god, it sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud. A guy killed two assholes for me and I stupidly gave him my number and he blew me off. Ridiculous, huh?”

He laughed nervously and nodded his head awkwardly. “I mean, the guy is busy, who knows what crazy fight he’s gotten into, or if he’s on a mission, you know? I bet he’ll reach out somehow, how could he not? If he stands you up I’ll… I don’t know, I’ll kick his ass for you.”

You laughed at how determined he was. “Thanks, Adrian, you’re the best.” 

He shifted in his chair and looked at the tabletop for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “So uh, I gotta ask, I’m assuming you ‘like’ Vigilante? Like, LIKE-LIKE, or just… Eh?”

Again, another laugh burst forth and you couldn’t contain it, but you leaned your arms on the table and rested your head in your hands. “Yeah, he’s pretty cool, never had someone kill people for me, so there’s that.” You were holding back, of COURSE, you were holding back, you liked Adrian and you didn’t want to immediately tell him that you slept with the guy. You ended up liking both and you didn’t know how this would end up working out. Was Adrian the jealous type? Shit, you just kept digging yourself into a bigger hole. What a way to get a fresh start in a new place.

He knew you didn’t want to mention it, it was something he wouldn’t have mentioned to many people either, but it was a difficult thing to just throw in the mix on your first week here, poor thing. But hell, he couldn’t help it and he didn’t regret a minute of it, he just wished he could indulge in his secret with you, god, he wanted that so badly. But to put your life on the line wasn’t in his plan whatsoever, he’d just have to deal with that no matter how painful. It was the best option for you. 

He finally nodded and stood up from his chair to go and grab another beer, and before he was about to turn around to ask you if you’d wanted another one, you were already up and standing so close to him. He tensed and you shifted back a step, hoping you didn’t off-put him or anything, you just wanted to… you didn’t even know, your head was done in by all of this and you never felt more confused. You really did like Adrian, and you really enjoyed your time with Vigilante, but overall you knew the option you had to go with, for your own sanity. 

“Adrian,” you muttered, “I really am having fun with you. I was hoping we could maybe do this again? Whenever you’re free…” 

He tilted his head to look at your face, to really look at it, and a small smirk played at his lips. “Yeah, you really want to?” 

You reached out and grabbed his hand in yours and held it, the pad of your thumb rubbed over his knuckles. “Obviously, this was great, and we can still watch a movie or something if you’re up for it?” 

“A movie?”

You nodded and remained hopeful that he’d agree. 

“Yeah, sure, what do you like? I got all sorts of movies we can check out!”

“How about you show me your favorite?” 

That made him smile and he abandoned the thought of grabbing a beer for now and took off down the hall to his room, where he searched through the large shelf lined with a bunch of DVDs. He was running his finger along the spines as he read each title and searched for the one movie he loved to watch with people and exclaimed happily when he found it. He had almost dropped it once he turned around to see you in the doorway, looking around at his room curiously.

‘Shit! Did I put my suit away? I think it’s in the hamper, all that blood from the other day might need some Shout still, fuck, okay, act natural.’ He looked at you and held out the movie, his face relayed how nervous he felt as he handed it off to you and he was thankful when you grabbed it from him. “So that’s the one, you ever-”

“Oh my god, you like this movie, too?! I used to watch this all the time, at least once a week.”

You had to stop being so perfect, Adrian thought to himself as stared at you in awe. “I can’t believe you like it! What, that’s crazy… Let’s go and watch it immediately!” He grew excitable as you ran down the hall and he took off after you.

You skidded to a halt as you slid in your socks across the hardwood floor, you didn’t want to impose and act too comfortable here, so you spun around on your heels and held out the movie, only to have Adrian yelp and bump into you so hard that you almost fell to the ground, but he caught you with ease. His arms were flexed and you could feel the amount of strength he had in them as you clutched the movie to your chest with one hand and latched onto him with the other. 

“Whew, that was close, why’d you stop! I could have broken something!” He couldn’t stop laughing now as he saw the stunned look on your face, but that laughter died down as he pulled you up and made sure that once again, you were okay. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, just got lost in your eyes is all,” you teased and gave him a mischievous grin. 

He rolled his eyes and groaned loudly. “Oh man, that was awful, you really need to work on those line deliveries.” But no matter how playful he felt he hadn’t pulled away until you slipped from his grasp and you wandered over to the couch and plopped down on the end. 

“Oh, Adrian! It’s movie time! Come on!” you teased him relentlessly today and damn, did he love it. 

The movie had been loaded up and you both got comfortable on the sofa as you both talked about theories and fun memories you had associated with it, then it trailed off into more and more until the sun had sunk past the horizon and the street lamps flickered on. You had barely noticed, you had an incredible time, and couldn’t have been more at ease with everything, living here in Evergreen didn’t have to be complete chaos ALL the time, right?

Another movie was at a close and the credits started to roll as you had slowly begun to doze off, your head rested on Adrian’s shoulder and his arm was draped over yours. He nudged you a little and woke you slowly. 

“Hey, it’s getting late, you wanna crash here? I can stay on the couch no problem,” he said softly. 

Your eyes fluttered open and you let out a drawn-out yawn, your arms stretched high over your head and you cracked part of your back. You sighed in relief and looked over at Adrian. “I wish I could but I have to be up early-ish tomorrow to file some paperwork with the bank for the property, adult stuff.” You made a face to show how unimpressed you were with your errands tomorrow and Adrian giggled.

“Well, then next time? If there’s gonna be a-a next time?”

You nodded and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. “Of course, there will be, I had so much fun today, really.” Adrian’s arm was still draped behind you and you had felt so warm and comfortable against him, you just wanted to feel that again if only for a moment, so you leaned against him and snuggled into his side. 

He looked down at you, so many thoughts racing in that head of his that he didn’t even realize that he’d been leaning in closer toward you, your face was so close to his that he could smell the scent left behind of your shampoo, and you both fell into it. You had shared in a very sweet, gentle kiss with the man you had slowly begun to fall for despite everything that had happened earlier this week, and it was everything you had hoped it would be. 

His hand slid to the back of your neck and pulled you deeper into it, a low moan vibrated against his mouth and you only wrapped yourself around him to get as close as you could. You finally got to run your fingers through his hair and it was worth the wait, the softness tickled your fingers until you gripped onto his locks a bit firmly. Adrian moaned under your grip and you could tell he wanted so much more with you, but you felt a wave of utter disappointment when he pulled away.

“I’ve waited all day to do that,” he confessed with a haze of lust still hanging over him. 

“I was wondering if that was gonna happen…” you chuckled and licked your bottom lip as you sat upright again. 

"Well, you know, I didn't wanna kiss you if you were with, uh, Vigilante…" He had to play this off correctly, he had to be sure you wouldn't know it was him, you needed to be protected.

You pulled back with a grimace and had no idea how to respond to that. “Adrian, I’m not ‘with’ Vij, he stood me up and I haven’t heard from him in a week. Why, you jealous?” You could sense his unease and lean in a little, then you place a gentle kiss on his cheek. Adrian seemed a little nervous about all of this but you grabbed his hand again and kept peppering his face with kisses until he began to laugh a little. “I really like you, Adrian,” you confessed, “it’s not something I expected but I think you’re good…”

“Good?”

You nodded. “Yeah, good. You’re a good guy from what I’ve learned today.”

Adrian smirked as he stood from the sofa and pulled you up to your feet, his arms wrapped around you as he just stood there with you in his embrace. “That’s not something I hear often, it’s nice…” 

You both had shared in one more kiss and regretfully pulled away so he could take you home, and for you, Vigilante was just an afterthought. Adrian was here, he was present and willing to try to see where things went. You both talked in the car and found it difficult to pull away from one another, you stayed in your doorway and watched as the Seabring pulled off and disappeared from view. Your heart was full and you felt truly happy with Adrian, it was an uneasy tumbling knot in your stomach, but you couldn’t have been happier at this moment. 

It was getting late but you couldn’t sleep after you’d showered, so you sat in your bed and tried to read the rest of your book but it was hopeless. Suddenly you heard small little thwack sounds coming from your window, several followed and you were skeptical to get out of bed. What if friends of those guys found out where you live? Fuck, you didn’t think about that. You slid from under your sheets and you went to grab the baseball bat from the corner of the bedroom and held onto it as you stealthily walked up to the side of the window and peeked your head around. Slowly, you pulled the curtain back and saw none other than Vigilante standing down on the front step and he waved.

Your body was suddenly so tense seeing him there, what were you supposed to do now? Let him in? Ignore him completely? Fuck, you knew you didn’t have it in you to turn him away, you were the one who needed answers and you weren’t going to keep wondering.

A sigh followed as you stepped away from the window and descended down the stairs and up to the front door, the baseball bat still in your hand as you greeted the masked man with a scowl on your face.

“Oh hey there, Y/N, glad to see you were still up, I know it’s late but- wait, what’s wrong? Why do you have that bat?”

“Oh well I haven’t heard from you in a week and then you show up out of nowhere throwing rocks at my window. I thought you were one of the guys' friends come back to kick my ass or something!” There was obvious anger in your voice and you felt incredibly frustrated. 

You were in such a nice starting place with Adrian and then all of a sudden this guy comes around and puts a dent in all of that. 

“Oh, shit I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but uh, about that whole week thing… Look, I had people after me, I had to hide out. As much as I wanted to be around you, I didn’t want to be a fuck up and have them find you somehow, you being in danger is not on my list. These fucks would murder you without a second thought.”

He was right, he murdered people and that brought unwanted attention, no matter how he was just ‘serving justice’ by murdering those who were bad, it still put him and you in a lot of danger. That’s when you should have just ended it, that one time was a moment of weakness, that was it, just break it off and try to focus on yourself and Adrian. But of course, you were a fucking doormat sometimes and you heard what you wanted. 

“You were protecting me…” you repeated. 

Vigilante nodded and threw his hands up. “Exactly! You get it, come on, babe, I’d never bring those fuckbags to your doorstep.”

Shit. “Well, what are you doing here so late, then? Come to tell me you’re out of hiding? You have my number, you could have just sent a message.” You tried oh so hard to play it off, to show him you wouldn’t break. 

He stepped forward and his gloved hand was placed gingerly under your chin. “Oh come on, I had to see you, you’ve been on my mind a lot, I couldn’t just send a fucking message. That’s so impersonal.” 

You scoffed and pulled away from him and opened your door further, a silent invitation. You couldn’t draw attention to your doorstep with him just standing outside of your place, so you needed to get this over and done with before you got him out and you could finally sleep. 

You walked over to the kitchen island and leaned against it after to leaned the bat against one of the stools, your arms crossed as you let out a sigh. “You’re welcome to a drink or whatever, then I think you should leave…” 

Vigilante stood where he was, his heavy stare made you feel more exposed than you ever had in front of him and you tried your best not to let him affect you so badly. “What is it, Y/N?”

“You KNOW what it is, Vij, I just… you’re right, I don’t want any fuckbags at my door and I don’t wanna be dragged into any heroic bullshit. I’ve been talking to someone and I really like him, I don’t wanna mess that up, you know? I just, I can’t do that to him, he’s sweet and charming, so fucking nice. TOO good for me. I like you too Vij, but I just, he reminded me how different you guys are and it’s…” You sighed heavily and didn’t know what else to say.

Fuck, if only he could tell you right now, he would have too, he would have dropped to his knees and revealed himself to you, that it was him the entire time. Both of the men you fell for were one in the same. But that’s what hurt the most; you believed that Adrian was a safer opinion for you, but you were so incredibly wrong. Vigilante sighed beneath his mask and felt conflicted. He felt selfish, he WAS selfish, so that’s why he didn’t even decide to think twice about it and he rolled up the bottom half of his mask, revealing his mouth like he had before. 

“Y/N, I get that I really do, but fuck you and I both know there’s something here and I ain’t letting that go, I couldn’t, I can’t. I thought about nothing but you while I was… while I was gone.”

You hated him so much right now, he prayed on your feelings for him, he must have, and he sensed how weak he made you. You lowered your head and let out a frustrated sigh, you let your guard down which allowed Vigilante to step forward without fear of being scorned in the oment for what he was about to do.

His hands were suddenly on you, and you would have lied if you said you ddin’t enjoy how he felt, the spark of his skin on yours as you both shared in a moment reserved just for yourselves. 

Your eyes ghosted across his face. “Vij,” your tone was low, it warned him not to do what he planned on, but yo ucould already feel yourself slipping away from thinking rationally. 

Stepping in between your thighs, he pushed his body against yours as his hands held onto your arms, it was as if he was trying to stop himself, but he was losing. You both were. He ground his hips against yours, his forehead rested against yours and he heard your breath hitch. “I can convince you, can’t I?”

You bit down on your lip as you allowed his hands to drift down until he grabbed you behind your thighs, then he lifted you easily on the edge of the kitchen counter. If you had been in your right mind, you would have shoved him off of you and kicked him out, but were you ever in your right mind when he was around? It was the thrill of danger that followed, being friends with someone like him who believed in delivering his own reign of justice, it was delicious. 

Vigilante wanted to feel your hands on him again though you had rested them against his chest, he needed more, so he quickly abandoned his suit and then his hands found the hem of your shirt, he pulled your sleep shirt over your head and it left you naked from the waist up. He hummed once his gloved were torn off and he slowly placed his hands on your breasts, the softness of your flesh against his fingertips felt so fucking right, and he let out a low grumble as he ducked his head down to capture your nipple in his mouth. His tongue rolled around the sensitive nub and you let out this incredible moan of his name. 

One hand pawed at your breast while the other got much needed attention from his mouth, and then he pulled away and lightly blew cold air on your nipple, the sudden temperature change made you gasp, but had no time to react much further when he placed his mouth on the other side. Your head fell back and you arched into his touches, you could feel your pussy begin to throb, wanting so much more from him, but you couldn’t bare to make him stop now. 

His cock strained against his suit pants and he began to rub himself against your inner thigh, the friction was so fucking good as he panted out your name while his head rested on your shoulder. He kissed your skin there once, twice, and then bit down firmly and listened to the little moan you released. Fuck, you were addictive and he needed to have all of you. His kisses on your skin trailed up to your throat, the side of your jaw, and his tongue darted out and licked down to your clavicle and bit down. 

“Fuck, Vij, harder,” you pleaded much to his surprise. 

He did just that and bit down a little harder, his hips jerked up and he pushed against your aching cunt, and you were already so wet that you could feel the dampness of your panties and your shorts sticking to you, so you reached out and fumbled with his utility belt and placed it on the countertop behind you. 

He struggled to kick his suit pants off but had finally pulled them down enough to where they fell with ease to his ankles, he kicked them away and then yanked your shorts down when you lifted your ass from the counter. He could smell the arousal on you, your panties showed the evidence and he couldn’t help but lick his lips at the thought of having you on his mouth, but that would have to wait for another time. When he finally was naked in front of you, he positioned himself between your legs and pushed inside of you, your groans and sounds were all that followed. He bucked his hips forward and tested the waters, watched your face carefully as you wrapped your arms around his neck to hang on. 

Your entire body was on fire now as he fucked you, took you like you had recalled the first night, but this was much faster and harder as he took you against the counter. He buried himself inside of you with each thrust, and he knew you were enjoying it as your nails cloawed into his back. It didn’t bother him in the slightest, it only fueled him to continue, the sounds of skin slapping against skin, the wetness that dripped down the inside of your thighs. This was his heaven, this was where he needed to be. 

His hand finally reached down and began to finger your clit, stimulating you into overdrive as you twitched in his arms, your cries sounding so sweet to his ears. “You feel so fucking good, Y/N,” he crooned, “does anyone fuck you like I do?”

You tried to speak at first but with each slap into you, it caused you to lose track of what you’d tried to say, your mouth was so dry. “N-No, no one does,” you admitted through your haze. His fingers still rubbed your clit as he fucked into you and you were feeling pure bliss. 

He couldn’t even try to explain the feeling it gave him to know this, to know that he’d be the only one who had fucked you and made you feel this way, it made him smirk as he pressed down and capture your lips again. Over and over, he kissed you, his tongue slipped into your mouth as his hand slipped away from your clit, his arms wrapped around you as he came undone inside of you. He drew out your name beside your ear, a hiss followed as his cock throbbed around your tight pussy, but his hips didn’t slow, not until you came on him. It only took a few more hard thrusts until you followed suit and clenched down onto him. 

The sweat that coated your skin caused your hair to stick to your face, but you didn’t care, your body fell limp in his arms as the tiredness you so craved before had finally begun to claw at you. Vigilante didn’t pull away from you, instead, he held onto you tighter and the bottom half of his face nuzzled your cheek as he peppered more kisses along your jaw. 

You hummed when his lips pressed against yours again, and all of the things you had felt earlier faded, your anger and resentment had all been abandoned and you wondered just why you had wanted him to leave in the first place. His hand swept your hair away from your face as he eyed you through his visor. 

“When can I see you?” you asked, hopeful that he’d let it slip tonight. 

He chuckled under his breath. “I don’t know,” he answered, “I want to show you, but what if, well, what if it’s not what you expected?” 

You smiled and ran your finger along his jaw. “I’d say it wouldn’t matter.”

“It would, I know it would.” Vigilante sighed and said your name softly, and it struck something in you. 

“What?” 

“What do you mean what?”

You pulled your face away a little and watched his lips. “Say that again,” you instructed. 

“Do you mean ‘what’?”

You laughed a little. “No, my name, say it again for me?”

Vigilante chuckled again and said your name again and again, mumbling it in between kisses that he left on your lips. It was uncanny, you’d heard it said like that before, and you would have to deal with it in the morning. 

“You’re tired,” he mentioned, “come on, let’s get you cleaned up, huh?” He pulled out of you and helped steady yourself to your feet, then he had insisted he pick you up and carry you to the upstairs bathroom, where he took care of you. 

Aftercare was important and he also believed in this, so he made sure to be as gentle as possible. You watched him as he focused, his mask still slightly rolled up. When he caught you staring at him, he smiled. 

“You remind me of someone,” you blurted out. 

“Oh yeah? Is he just as handsome as me? Probably not possible, I am rather fucking stunning.”

“I can’t confirm that fact, if you hadn’t noticed.” You loved to tease him and he responded so well to it. “But I don’t know, I think he is.”

Vigilante looked up at you and knew you meant Adrian, himself, his counterpart. He swelled with pride at the mere thought, but it also made his stomach drop. You had been picking up on little things here and there, soon, you’d figure it out and he wasn’t sure that he was ready for when you did. 

“Well I’m glad,” was all he responded with. “I like seeing you like this, you know.” When you looked down at him as he rested on his knees, he laughed. “Happy, you look happy. When I first saw you, you looked really sad under it all, I don’t know, I know it’t not my place.”

“Stay?”

“What?”

“Stay the night, please?”

He sighed and handed you a dry towel after he was finished wiping you clean. “I can’t, Y/N, not yet. But it’ll happen, I promise you.” 

He wanted to, he really did. To wake up and see you sleeping so peacefully? Unbothered by everything around you and just pure bliss, it was a hell of a thought, but not yet. You looked disappointed, like you had been kicked while you were down, so he leaned forward between your legs and reached up to lean his forehead against yours.

“Come on, you gotta get to bed,” he said softly as he pulled you to your feet. You cleaned yourself and got back into your pajamas, and it was almost instant that the moment you slid into bed, you had slowly nodded off, your hand still gripping his tightly. 

He sat there in just his mask and his boxer briefs holding your hand until he was able to slip out quietly, leaving a smile on your face when he bent down to kiss you one more time before he did.  

Tag List: 

@chipster-21 

@juniebugg​

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#tinalbion writings #adrian chase #adrian chase x reader #adrian chase imagines #adrian chase x female reader #vigilante #vigilante x reader #vigilante peacemaker series #vigilante imagines #vigilante x female reader #vigilante fanfic #adrian chase fanfic

[watchmegetobsessed]

WILDEST FANTASIES (part 10)

⚫️A/N: yaaay its WF day! i hope you guys are not sick of the story yet lol bc im def not done with it! thank you for all the messages and comments, i love reading your thoughts and conspiracies haha! keep 'em coming!

⚫️PAIRING: Professor!Harry X Reader

⚫️WARNING: sexual content

⚫️WORD COUNT: 5.1k

SERIES MASTERPOST | SUPPORT ME!

You basically fly across the room when you hear the ringtone, your phone vibrating and flashing, letting you know that someone wants to FaceTime you. You almost slip in your fuzzy socks as you rush from the kitchen into your bedroom, the oatmeal you were just about to make long forgotten on the kitchen counter, breakfast can wait when your boyfriend is calling you from across the world.

“Hey!” you pant as you throw yourself onto the bed holding the phone up in front of you. Harry’s face appears on the screen, his curls messy as always, wearing a black hoodie from what you can see.

“Hey, did you just finish running the marathon?” he chuckles and your heart pitter-patters when you see his pixelated dimples.

“It felt like that coming from the kitchen, yeah,” you grin. “What’s up? How is the family?” you ask, making yourself comfortable in the sea of pillows.

“Everything is great, mum is having a blast with everyone around,” he smiles, rubbing his nose. “And Gemma has been bugging me about my alleged new girlfriend.”

“Oh, you told them about me?” you ask, truly surprised. It’s been only a few weeks since you made it official, you weren’t expecting him to tell his family a thing.

“Of course. Not in many details, but I told them I’m dating someone. Mum immediately asked why I didn’t bring you home with me,” he laughs shaking his head.

“Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. Tell her I said hi,” you grin.

“Will do. Now, tell me, what have you been up to?”

Harry has been calling you every chance given and you know it’s because he feels bad you are spending Christmas alone. Both Ramona and Kostas left on the twenty-third, so it’s your fourth day on your own in the apartment. It’s weird to be here without Kostas gasping every few minutes at some gossip someone sent him, or Ramona’s loud laughter that sounds like a seal is choking, though you haven’t heard that in a while with the whole Dean situation. You’re hoping the holidays are gonna beat sense into them and they will realize they need to be together.

You’ve been using your quiet alone time to write your thesis, you’re already ahead of your planned schedule with it and when you’re not on the phone with Harry or sitting in front of your laptop, you’re watching Christmas movies nonstop, baking and cooking, destroying the kitchen and enjoying that Kostas is not here to start cleaning up after you right away.

It’s been a bit lonely, but you don’t mind it. You’d rather be on your own than anywhere near your mother.

“I was just about to have breakfast. I think I’ll take a walk later and then, just the usual,” you shrug.

“What movies are you watching today?” he smirks.

“Probably Frozen,” you giggle. “Have you seen them?”

“I had to watch them last year with my cousin’s kids, so yeah.”

“I bet you enjoyed them more than the kids,” you tease him.

“They weren’t half as bad as I expected, I admit,” he grins and it seems like he lies down in a bed, taking a similar position you are in. “Are you sure you don’t want to give your grandma’s sister a call? Maybe you could have lunch with them or something.”

“Harry…” you sigh. It’s not the first time he is bringing it up, it seems like your lonely holidays bother him more than they bother you. It’s sweet of him, but you also know exactly what you do and don’t want to do.

“I know, you felt out of place there. But it could still be nice.”

“I promise you, I’m fine alone. Don’t worry about me,” you smile at him warmly and you truly mean it.

“It just doesn’t feel right that I’m here with my family while you’re on your own. Maybe you really should have come home with me.”

“No, I shouldn’t have,” you chuckle. “Meeting the family when we’ve been together for less than a month? No, thank you.”

“Alright, I see where you’re coming from, but it’s different.”

“How come?” you cock an eyebrow at him.

“One, my family doesn’t live on the other side of town, I only see them like twice a year, next time I’ll be here will be in the summer. Maybe it wouldn’t have been too early.”

“It would have,” you protest, but smile at him.

“And second, I’m pretty sure nothing we do is by the book, so it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Okay, I hear you, but still, it’s better like this. Next time,” you smile and he returns it with a nod.

“Alright, next time,” he sighs.

For the next about thirty minutes you just ramble about anything and everything and Harry listens as if you were telling him about the meaning of life. You love hearing his laugh and you sneakily take a few screenshots of him because he is looking extra cozy today. You wish he was here with you so you could shower him with kisses and then tear that hoodie off of him and show him just how much you love having him around.

“I gotta go,” he sighs after you hear a female voice from somewhere in the distance through the call. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay. Have fun,” you smile and he returns it before the call ends.

Sighing deep you just lie there for a bit, staring up at the ceiling, his voice still ringing in your ear. You count how many days until he comes back and you come to the conclusion that it would be too many even if it was just one. Being away from Harry is the only thing that bothers you right now.

You carry on with your day just as you planned. Taking a little walk around the neighborhood you decide to ditch the cooking today and just grab something to eat on your way back home. It’s not too cold outside, but you truly appreciate the heated apartment when you finally arrive back. You eat in the living room while watching the first Frozen movie just how you planned, everything is peaceful and uneventful.

Even though Harry said he would call later, the afternoon passes by without hearing from him. You assume he is out with his mum and sister somewhere, it doesn’t even occur to you to bother him for not paying you attention, you want him to have a great time with his family.

After you finish watching the Frozen movies you go for another thesis writing session to keep you busy and hopefully tire you out so you’d go to bed at a reasonable time. Buried deep in an article you’re planning to use in one of the chapters, you jump when you hear your phone ringing on your bed. Thinking that it’s Harry, your heart skips a beat as you snatch it from the comforter, but your face falls when you see an unknown number.

“Hello?” you answer the call hesitantly.

“Y/N?”

You recognize the voice right away and it makes your stomach drop in an instant. It’s your mother.

“What do you want?” you ask not even trying not to sound hostile. She is not calling to say merry Christmas, she has ulterior motives, that you’re sure about.

“You still have the sassy attitude I passed on to you,” she chuckles, as if this chit-chat was a normal, everyday thing.

“You didn’t pass on anything to me. Now what do you want?”

“Just wanted to check in on my daughter, is that a crime now?”

“Carol, you haven’t talked to me in over a year. I don’t believe this bullshit, I know you called with a reason that has nothing to do with anything a mother would do.”

You stopped calling her mom in middleschool. It started as a way to get on her nerves when she was making you mad, but then it stuck, because it felt more fitting to call her by her first name than refer to her as mom. She did not act like one.

“Jesus, what’s gotten your panties in such a twist? It’s Christmas, can’t you be a bit nicer to your mother?” she scoffs, pretending to be the victim, as always. You never found out how Carol turned out to be the way she is when she was brought up by your grandmother. Helene was a saint and it definitely wasn’t her fault your mother turned out to be like this. She never wanted to talk about what went wrong, but if you had to guess it was because of your grandfather who she divorced when Carol was only five. She spent summers and winter breaks with him in Florida and though your grandmother never liked to talk shit about others, even if they deserved it, you just know he was the one who messed it all up.

“If you just called to piss me off, I’m ending the call,” you warn her and that finally brings out her true intentions.

“Wait! Okay, alright! I called because… I need your help.”

Ding, ding, ding! We’ve got a winner!

When you don’t answer, she decides to go into further details.

“I want to move out of my boyfriends’, but I can’t really afford the cost of it, but it’s pretty urgent. I thought that maybe you could help me out with some money you got from your grandmother.”

And you’re back to the one thing that truly destroyed your relationship with her. Your grandmother left most of her savings and her house that you sold a year later to you, while Carol only got a bit of money and that’s it. She was vivid when she found out about it and tried to get more of it any way possible.

She didn’t succeed. But it seems like she is still not over trying. While she probably spent all of the money she inherited in about a few months, you’ve been using it wisely, supporting yourself while in school so you don’t have to worry about having a job while studying.

“That is none of my problem,” you answer coldly.

“It’s an emergency, Y/N. And I would pay the money back, I just need to get out of his place as fast as possible.”

“Why?” you ask, because if it’s an abusive household, you will of course help her, but you have a feeling that’s not the case.

“Because… God, I just don’t want to be here, okay? He is suffocating and I’m done with him.”

“Okay, that doesn’t sound like an emergency.”

“It is! Come on, you’re sitting on all of that money and you can’t lend me some to help me out?”

“I’m not sitting on it,” you grit through your teeth. “I’m saving part of it and putting the rest into good use.”

“This would be a good use as well,” she argues and it pisses you off how entitled she thinks she is.

“Don’t you feel ridiculous for coming to me to beg for money when you haven’t talked to me in ages? You really don’t have any shame in you, do you?”

“Shame? Why would I have shame for asking for help from my daughter?”

“Oh, how convenient that now I’m your daughter, but what about the rest of the year? When I hear nothing from you?” you scoff rolling your eyes.

“You know, this works the other way around. You could call me too, but my phone hasn’t been blowing up lately.”

“I’m already over the trying, Carol. Did that in high school, but you were too busy living out your second teenage phase. I’m not trying to go back there.”

“Come on, you can’t be mad at me for shit I did ten years ago,” she growls.

Clenching your jaw you shut your eyes closed, you are not in the mood to get into a screaming match about who messed up what and this is definitely heading in that direction.

“How much do you need?” you ask sighing.

“Just a couple thousand.”

“Just? A couple?” you scoff at the way she just presented it as if she was asking for twenty bucks.

“It’s not that much, Y/N. Do you know how expensive apartments are these days?”

“I do, because I live in a rented place as well, but I assume you are not trying to live with roommates to lessen the costs and you also haven’t even looked at humble, smaller places that cost less.”

“I’m sorry that I’m not trying to live in a fucking… pantry!”

“Whatever,” you growl, completely running out of patience at this point. “I’ll think about it.”

“What is there to think about this?” she scolds you as if you were obligated to just throw thousands at her.

“A lot, Carol. There’s a lot to think about when it comes to you.”

“Oh, you just love to pretend like you’re better than everyone, right? Your grandmother loved to do that too, acting like you’re superior, like you have no flaws and you make no mistakes!”

“Don’t fucking bring her up!” you snap at her. You’ll not let her disgrace the memory of the woman who brought you up when she was away doing God knows what.

“I can bring up whoever I want! You both have always tried to guilt me into thinking that everything is always my fault, but you’re not perfect either, Y/N. No one is! I don’t know how people put up with your attitude, I bet you have no friends, let alone a man who—“

“Good luck with getting the money you need. Don’t call me again,” you cut her off and end the call before she could get another word out.

Tears are bubbling in your eyes as you stare up at the ceiling with trembling lips. Most of the time it’s easy to be unbothered when it comes to your mother, but not when you’re facing her directly, when she is coming at you, targeting you with her toxicity.

You’ve been acting tough for so long, even you believe that the dysfunctional family background you’re coming from has no effect on the person you are today, but deep down you know it’s just the surface you’re showing to the world, but it hurts to know you never mattered to your mother enough to take good care of you and you had believed for a long time that it had something to do with you, that you weren’t lovable enough, that you were the reason why things turn out to be the way they did.

Now you know it wasn’t you and you should never take the blame for her mistakes, but that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt to think about everything you missed out on.

For the first time since your home vacation, you don’t want to be alone so you call the person you want to be with the most right now. You tap on Harry’s contact without hesitation, but it goes straight to his voicemail.

“Hey, it’s Harry. I can’t answer the phone right now, so leave a messa—“

You don’t wait for the recording to finish, just end the call as you feel your chest tightening. Seeing the time on the screen you realize how late it is in the UK so that’s why he is not answering, but still, it doesn’t help with your desperate need to at least hear his voice.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, wiping your cheeks from the tears that has escaped your eyes. Throwing your phone to your nightstand you just get under the covers and close your eyes, your body still shaking slightly as you decide to just sleep it off and then never think about this day again when you wake up.

You awaken to your phone ringing and buzzing on the nightstand. Your head feels so heavy and you need a few seconds to adjust to the real world. It’s still dark outside, your laptop has shut down since you left it on when you decided to sleep your problems away. Grabbing the phone you see two things. One, that it’s about three in the morning. Two, Harry is calling you.

Swiping your finger across the screen you move the phone to your ear, your eyebrows knit together, still kind of half asleep.

“Hey,” you speak up groggily. “I hope you do know it’s three am over here.”

You hear his chuckle first before he answers.

“I know, that’s why I would appreciate it if you let me in.”

Eyes popping wide open you shoot up into a sitting position as if you were just shocked by electricity. Did you just hear that right? He wants you to let him in? Is this supposed to be a metaphor or something?

“Um, what?” you ask clearing your throat as you kick the covers off of yourself, standing up.

“I’m at your front door, Y/N. Can I come in or should I go home?” he asks and you can hear it in his voice how funny he is finding the situation to be.

Dropping your phone onto the bed you rush out to the front door and swinging it open you’re shocked to see that he is indeed right there, standing on the doormat with a duffel bag in one hand, his phone with the call still going in the other as he smiles at you. He ends the call and shoves the phone into his pocket as he tilts his head to the side.

“Surprise?” he chuckles softly and the next thing you know is that you’re throwing yourself at him, arms and legs wrapping around him tight as he drops his bag so he can hold you up with both hands. “Woah, I assume you missed me, huh?” he chuckles, kissing into your neck as you have your face buried in his, tears stinging in your eyes at his unexpected arrival especially after the evening you had.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you mumble, your words almost completely muffled.

“It didn’t feel right to let you be alone. I might have missed Christmas but there was no way I was gonna let you be on your own on New Year’s Eve.”

Your heart is about to jump out of your chest at his words, this is hands down the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you. Peeling yourself off of him your feet get back on the ground again and you finally let him inside, closing the door behind him before taking his face in your hands and kissing him to tell him how happy you are that he is here without words.

“I called you a few hours ago and only reached your voicemail, so you must have been on the plane then, huh?” you hum against his lips.

“Yeah. But why did you call so late? Did something happen?” he asks, quick to count back what the time was in the UK when you called. Then he realizes that something is off about you. “Hey, have you been crying? Your eyes are puffy, but not the sleepy kind.” he cradles your face in his hands to take a better look at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Can we just… sleep? I really don’t want to talk right now,” you plea, too tired to go into any details at the moment. It’s obvious he is worried and wants to know what got you so upset, but he would never go against your will.

“Okay,” he nods before kissing your forehead. “Can I take a quick shower?”

“Sure.”

While Harry is in the shower you wash your face and change your clothes, just hearing another person in the apartment is so relaxing, the silence you’ve been living in the past days now feels so much more suffocating.

You’re already in bed when Harry finishes in the bathroom and walking into your room he looks around as he sits on the edge of the bed. It’s the first time he is here so it’s his first glimpse of your personal space. Though he would love to snoop around a bit, he is about to pass out from the long flight and he wants nothing more than to hold you in his arms.

When he gets under the sheets, you’re quick to cuddle to his side, laying your head to his chest as he wraps his arms around you.

“Harry?” you speak up, voice barely louder than just a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” you murmur before closing your eyes and letting yourself drift back to sleep, now a lot more excited for morning to come.

When you wake up in the morning your first thought is how realistic your dream was about Harry showing up at your door at three in the morning. But then you feel a strong arm draped across your waist and someone quietly snoring and puffing air out behind you and it hits you hard in the head like a brick.

It wasn’t a dream. Harry did fly back earlier than he planned just to be with you.

Blinking your eyes open you’re met with Harry’s puffy sleeping face, squished into your pillow just inches away from yours. It might look creepy, but you take a few moments to admire him. It’s crazy how you get to see him like this, how he is allowing you into his personal space when just about two months ago you were just a student in his class, drinking every word that left his mouth, fantasizing about things that are your reality now.

He stirs in his sleep, his hand on your waist squeezing you as he scrunches his nose before his eyes slit open just a tiny bit, his long lashes fluttering gently.

“Good morning,” he mumbles groggily and you bite into your bottom lip, because even half asleep, wrapped in your light pink sheets, he still looks so irresistible. He pulls you closer until your chest is pressed up against his, a gasp and a giggle slipping through your lips.

“Good morning,” you grin, nuzzling your nose against his before finally kissing him softly. “I thought I dreamed that you showed up here in the middle of the night.”

“Definitely not a dream,” he smirks, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“Does your mom hate me because I was the reason for your early departure?”

“Are you kidding me? She was basically kicking me out the door when I told her why I’m coming back earlier. She wouldn’t have let me stay longer even if I wanted,” he chuckles.

“Your mom is an angel.”

“She is,” he hums, nodding into the pillow. Closing his eyes he sighs comfortably and you think he has fallen back asleep, but then he speaks up, flashing his gorgeous green eyes at you again. “So, want to talk about what got you so upset?”

Chewing on your bottom lips you play with the thought of keeping it to yourself, not too keen on bringing up your mother again, but part of you also wants to share it with him.

“My mom called me last night,” you finally admit then.

“Oh! And… how did it go?”

“Awful,” you breathe out. “She asked for money to move out of her boyfriend’s place. She knows I have a big saving from my grandmother and she’s been trying to get a hold of that, this is probably just another attempt.”

“What if she really does need the money?”

“I’m sure she does, but I’m definitely not her last choice. I know she didn’t even try to earn the money herself, she just wants me to hand it over to her.”

“Mmm, I see. And is it what got you so upset?” he asks, sensing that there’s more behind it.

“We kind of got into a fight… She basically said that I’m entitled and act like I have no flaws and then went on how I must have zero friends and… the message she was sending was clearly that I’m unlovable.”

Your throat starts to close up and your voice dies down as you say the last words, avoiding to look at him. The last person you discussed the situation with your mother was your grandma. She never told you, but you always suspected she felt like she failed you and Carol as well and wanted to make up for the things she messed with her by taking good care of you. She was the mother you never had, but that never changed the fact that your real mother could never love you like her daughter.

It’s a messed up situation that you like to keep bottled up, but last night, the bottle got knocked over and it seems to be leaking. Tears are dwelling in your eyes again and you hate that she has this much power over you still.

“Hey,” he speaks up softly, brushing your hair out of your face before he cups it in his hand. “It’s okay to be upset.”

“But I don’t want to be. Not over my mother,” you whine with a grimace, trying to swallow down your tears. “She was never there for me, I’ve promised myself so many times to just simply forget about her, but…”

“But she is still your mother, no matter how bad she messes things up,” he finishes up your thought and you nod with trembling lips.

This is where people usually start telling you how it’s not your fault, that you did nothing wrong and you should be strong. You know they mean well, but you hate hearing these. Surprisingly, Harry says absolutely nothing. He just gathers you into his arms and pulls you to his chest, lets you calm down in your own pace, giving you the silence you truly need. When the tears dry up and you don’t feel like your throat is all closed up, you lift your head so you can look into his eyes. He gently runs his fingers down the side of your face, tracing your features before combing through your hair, giving you tingles from his little touches.

“Do you think I’m unlovable?” you find yourself asking and your heart is beating so hard in your chest you know he can feel it. “That maybe that’s why she can’t stand me?”

“I can assure you, that’s not the case. Some people are just not cut to be a parent and your mum is one of them. Unfortunate events sculpted your relationship and maybe you’ve made mistakes as well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be loved.”

Pushing yourself up, you swing a leg over him and sit on his hips, his hands moving up to rub your thighs that are bare thanks to the fact that you’re wearing just a pair of shorts with your oversized cotton shirt.

Reaching forward you place one hand next to his head, leaning onto it while cupping his jaw with your other, running your thumb along the line of his bottom lip. It feels like time has stopped and nothing else exists, just the two of you in your slightly messy bedroom, staring at each other, memorizing the other’s face down to the tiniest details.

It’s scary and relieving at the same time, the way you are feeling about this man. You never planned any of it, in just a few weeks, you went for needing and wanting no man in your life to depending on Harry to the extent that he is in almost every thought that runs through your head.

Leaning closer you hover above him, nose almost brushing against his.

“Do you think you could love me?” you ask and though you expect him to hesitate with his answer, he speaks up right away.

“I’m already close to it.”

You kiss him in an instant, needing to be as close to him as physically possible, that’s the only way you can express how you feel. Harry returns the kiss just as passionately and vehemently, his arms wrapping around you tight and you both gasp when you grind your hips against his.

Rolling the two of you over he presses you into the mattress, your legs circling around his waist while his hand is quick to grab the hem of your shirt, tugging it up and ridding you from it, leaving your chest completely bare. Moving his lips down your neck he focuses on your chest, peppering your heated skin with his kisses and it all feels so different from the previous times you’ve been together.

He is not trying to be dominant, there are no games involved, it’s just the two of you, equals and desperate for each other.

“There are so many things about you to love, Y/N,” he murmurs against your skin, still kissing wherever he can reach while his hands work on the shorts. He pulls back just to take them off and do the same with his t-shirt too before he returns to kissing you, but this time on your lips. “You are smart,” he starts, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You’re beautiful.” A kiss to your nose. “Passionate and I’m not only talking about sex,” he grins, placing a soft kiss to your lips again.

He moves down, a few more kisses on your jawline and neck before he lifts his head up as he pulls his pants off of himself, the last layer of clothing keeping the two of you apart.

“You’re so caring, to your friends, to me, to the people you think deserve to be taken care of.” His hand squeezes your thigh before moving up to your hip, then your waist and ribs, as if he is feeling you up, making sure you’re real. Turning your head to the side you press a kiss to his arm that’s beside you, holding him up above you. You run a hand up that arm until it meets your other behind his neck, pulling him down. His hips press against yours and you feel how hard he is, a soft gasp slipping through your parted lips.

“It’s hard not to love you, Y/N,” he smiles softly, brushing his lips against yours, but not kissing you. “You’re so perfect, everything I’ve ever wanted. It really is hard not to love you,” he repeats, “and it's scary and I’ve been fighting it, believe me.” Your heart beating so fast you fear it’s gonna burst right out of your chest. Harry stops when he positions himself to your entrance and you’re so desperate to feel him filling you up, you’re just seconds away from crying. Harry looks you in the eyes and before he thrusts inside you, he adds: “But I’m losing the fight.”

You cry out the moment he fills you up, his hard cock stretching your walls perfectly and finally, you feel like you’re exactly where you should be.

NEXT PART

Thank you for reading! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles fanfic #harry styles au #harry styles series #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #professor!harry #wildest fantasies #harry styles smut

[licensedqueerio]

I have a request for a story. If your requests arnt still open that fine you can ignore this or keep it for later. Peter P. specifically AG

After/during the cross over. Im TH Peter Ps Bestfriend ive known him longer than Ned.

When MJ falls off the building TH Peter catches her. But AG peter catches me.

When that happens TH Peter P doesn't pay any mind to me falling and ONLY MJ, That puts a few negative feelings in my head, but ones that aren't selfish. So its more of " He didn't care that I was going to die" appose to " Wow hed pick his girl over me" type thing if you even understand what I mean.

That sets off a chain of events leading to me n AG Peter together or smt.

Whew it took me forever to get this out, and for that, you have my sincerest apologies. The ending is a bit rushed, but I didn't really want to wait any longer to post this, but I hope you enjoy!!

Also, sidenote, I have no clue about timeline and how many years isn't been since Endgame so the exact years are kept vague. And I hope no one minds, I talked about what I think it was like for the people who survived after Thanos' snap, maybe he was right--as terrible as that is. Hate to say it, but what do I know.

---

Word Count: 2.5k

Pairing: TASM!Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: No Way Home spoilers, mentions of death, injuries, suicidal implications if you squint

Request Here

Part Two

---

Your friendship with Peter began when you were children. Peter was the nerdy kid who’d stay inside all of recess reading or tinkering with some toy. And you were the nice, friendly kid. Praised by your teachers and usually the go-to kid to make friends with kids like Peter.

You did it, of course. You'd sit with Peter as he went on about what comics he liked or TV shows. Who his favorite superhero was—real or fake. And you nodded along and tried to understand what he was talking about.

As time went on, your bond grew. You stayed friends for years. You were there for him every step of the way.

When he got bit by that spider, you were the first to know. You poked fun at him for his first costume, because that’s what friends did. You worried about him day in and day out when he went patrolling. And you bet your ass you gave him so much shit for disappearing to Germany when he fought half the Avengers.

Then Thanos happened. Peter left with nothing more than an “I have to help,” before jumping out of the bus. And that was the last time you had seen him. That had been the last time you’d seen any of your friends.

You were one of the select few that wasn't blipped. Lucky in some eyes, unlucky in others. You had mixed feelings about it, honestly. You didn't disappear, but…Peter did. Your best friend since kindergarten was gone. Hell, almost everyone you knew was gone. Peter, Ned, MJ. All gone.

But…you moved on. You had no choice but to move on with your life and adapt to the new situation, no matter how hard it was.

At your graduation, you cried. Half of your senior class was missing. Half of the world population was dead. And the people who were left had no choice but to continue on with life. The wheel of life kept turning. You adapted or you got left behind.

You wouldn’t be left behind. You’d live. For Peter. For Ned, for MJ.

You got into college and got a job to support yourself. Ironically, wages were better than ever now that half the population was gone. And everywhere was hiring, so finding and securing a job wasn’t difficult.

And you lived. You bought an actual home for decently cheap after a years hard work. You couldn’t stand to live on campus. Not when the blip was the only thing people talked about.

Four years later, the blip…was a thing of the past. People of course talked about it still, but not as much. Life was drastically improving. Poverty went down. Homelessness was all but over with. You hated to even think it, but the blip did bring good things for those left.

You got your college diploma and couldn’t stop thinking about how proud Peter would’ve been. You didn’t stop smiling that day, looking back on old photographs of the two of you wishing he was here, but understanding he was gone.

But then they came back.

By some…miracle or curse, every single person who disappeared reappeared. Horrifically, they appeared right where they had vanished from. Death was rampant that day.

You heard horror stories of how people had appeared back in building that had been taken down and perished. Of people who appeared on roads or highways. People on boats. It was a nightmare. You couldn’t stomach looking at the news that day.

The family—or should you say children—that had lived in your house before appeared in the living room and freaked out. You had the unfortunate pleasure of informing them five years had passed. That you were living there. Whispers of reassurances and heart wrenching confessions of, “I’m sorry, I don’t know where your parents are.”

That year had been the worst year of your entire life. The death rate skyrocketed along with homelessness. Wages dropped. People were going hungry again because there just wasn't enough food to go around.

But perhaps the worst thing that happened was Peter returning. As terrible as that sounded. Peter came back as a 16 year old boy while you were now 21. You had lived your life while his was on pause.

It didn’t feel fair. To either of you.

But humanity did what it did best. It adapted. You adapted to having Peter back. Even though you didn’t see him often. That was your fault, though. You’d grown apart from him in those five years. For him, nothing had changed.

On a good day, you could barely stomach looking at him. On a bad day, you wished everyone had stayed blipped. That Peter had stayed dead like you thought he’d been. Your grief had been invalidated. Those sleepless nights where you wished for the comforting arms of your closest friends felt pointless. And Peter couldn’t even begin to grasp what you were feeling.

So naturally, you grew apart. But then you realized you still missed him. So you grew close again. And all was calm. Things finally started to look like they were heading upwards once again.

But things could never really stay calm. Not in New York.

The multiverse opened, because of course it did, and villains were coming in looking for Spider-Man. And then two other Spider-Men had come into this universe to defeat said villains.

All of these events led to this singular moment. You were falling. But you felt like you were floating, traveling in slow motion through the air, your arms stretched out, seeking to grab something—anything—to save yourself.

Your mouth was open mid scream, barely audible over the roaring wind in your ears and the hammering of your heartbeat, blood rushing in your ears. You knew then that everyone was right. Your life did flash before your eyes when you were about to die.

With the realization that this was it. You were about to die after being thrown from the statue of liberty, everything came rushing back. You were falling fast through the air, the air punched out of your lungs. You turned your head.

You weren’t sure what possessed you to do so, but you did. And you saw Peter jump off the building. He was going for MJ.

In some sick sense, you thought it was karma. You ignored him for the better part of a year. Treated him coldly. And in your moment of need, he didn’t even notice you. He went after his girlfriend.

You squeezed your eyes shut with the realization that this was it. No one was coming to save you.

Finally. It was over. Your time in this nightmare of a universe was over.

But then, there were arms around you. Your falling slowed until you came to a standstill. You took short, fast breaths as you opened your eyes, staring at Peter…2? No—no, this was Peter 3 if you weren’t mistaken. He had amazing hair and was…gorgeous, to put it simply.

“Are you okay?” He asked. His eyes were glassy and the words came out thick. You distantly recalled him mentioning he lost someone. His MJ. You didn’t know the details but you just knew it happened in a similar scene to your current situation.

You slowly nodded. “Are you?” You returned, staring up into his eyes. You could've sworn you saw a tear roll down his cheek. You didn’t mention it.

Peter 3’s smile was watery as he delicately set you back on your feet. “Yeah,” he said, before clearing his throat. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, placing his hands on your shoulders and looking you over.

“Yeah I’m…” Your voice trailed off as you caught sight of Peter—your Peter, behind him. Holding MJ in his arms. You let out a breath of relief. You were at least glad she was okay. Peter had saved her.

You expected him to look at you. To at least spare you a glance and make sure you weren't dead on the pavement. But no. He didn’t even notice you. He didn’t see you fall.

Somehow, that was worse than him intentionally going for MJ over you.

Peter 3 waved his hand in front of your face. “You don’t seem alright,” he stated with a frown. “You could be in shock, you should sit—”

“Yeah, I’m just…he doesn’t care,” you murmured. You didn’t want to sound…selfish or anything. You were fine but it was the principal of the matter. Your Peter had been too focused on MJ to even realize you had also fallen. Jesus, you could have died.

“Hey, that's not true,” Peter 3 said. “I’m sure he cares. It's just….adrenaline. He saw her fall first,” he tried to reassure and soothe. “Look—he’s seen you,” he pointed out.

You looked up to see Peter looking between you and Peter 3. He weakly smiled, holding a thumbs up. You weren’t convinced.

“...okay, I didn’t believe that either,” Peter 3 conceded. “But I’m sure he cares. Of course he does. You guys are best friend’s, right?” He squeezed your shoulder. “He cares.”

You were beginning to doubt that.

“He disappeared for five years. Life went on for me, we’re hardly even friends anymore,” you muttered. “It’s fine,” you dismissed.

---

Things only went downhill from there.

Your Peter tried to kill the Green Goblin. Peter 2 stopped him. Peter 3 was stabbed. The multiverse was broken and everyone who knew Peter Parker is Spider-Man was coming into this universe. You could see Strange casting a spell, but you were a little preoccupied.

You hurried over to Peter 3, who was still on the ground. You kneeled down at his side, “you okay, Spider?” You asked, trying for teasing, but the concern outweighed it.

Peter 3 grimaced as he nodded. “First time I’ve been stabbed, woohoo,” he half-heartedly cheered, attempting to push himself up into a sitting position. “And it’s Spider-Man.”

“Here, let me help you,” you said, putting his arm around your shoulder and helping him to his feet, bearing a lot of his weight. “How’ve you not been stabbed yet? My Peter’s been stabbed.”

“Your Peter?” He asked. “Thought you weren’t friends?”

“Peter 1,” you clarified. “He’s not mine, of course, but he’s—he’s from my universe. Besides, he’s still so young.”

“I got it,” Peter 3 nodded, inhaling sharply and holding his side. “So there’s a chance for a guy like me?” He asked wryly.

“A guy like you?” You asked, raising a brow.

“Y’know,” he grinned, gesturing to himself with his free hand. “Guy like me.” He shrugged, that goofy grin still on his face. You had to admit, it was cute. He was cute.

“We’re from different universes,” you said, wrapping an arm around his waist, mindful of his injury. “So, ‘fraid not.”

Peter 3’s grin didn’t falter. “Can I at least get a kiss goodbye?” He asked. “I think the wizard is ready to send us home,” he said, pointing up to where Doctor Strange was doing his thing. “I can promise I’m not as young as Peter 1.”

You looked at him, debating your choices. What's the worst that could happen? This was the only chance you would get since he was going back to his universe. It’s not like your life could get any worse than it had been.

“Only because you're injured,” you lied, like you didn’t want to kiss him just for the hell of it. You turned to face him better, lifting your hand. Your fingertips traced up his cheeks before burying in the hair behind his ears. Running your fingers through it, just to sate the urge you had since you saw it. Then you leaned in and captured his lips in a kiss.

The smile fell off his lips as he kissed you back.

After a moment, he pulled away, pressing his forehead to yours, a dopey smile spreading across his lips. “I think I’m all healed now,” he said with a laugh, pulling away completely, turning to Peter 2, who was staring up at the sky that was fixing itself.

“...I think this is goodbye,” Peter 3 said. The hand that hung off your shoulder raised into a peace sign, which Peter 2 returned just before he faded away.

“Goodbye,” you murmured, kissing his cheek as he too, began to fade.

But instead of feeling his weight disappear like you expected, everything faded to black.

---

You woke up with a sharp inhale, groaning at the splitting sensation in your head. You squinted at the white ceiling as you struggled to recall what had happened. You drew a big blank and sat up slowly. You felt like you’d been hit by a truck.

You looked around the…bedroom you were in. It was messy, for starters. And you didn’t recognize it at all. Not the pictures, map, and sticky notes pinned to the corkboard or the Albert Einstein photo on one of the doors.

You turned as the window scraped open, staring in confusion as Spider-Man climbed in. But he froze when he saw you, ripping the mask off, eyes wide. “What are you doing here!?” He exclaimed, voice rising in both pitch and volume.

“What are you!” You exclaimed in equal surprise. “Where am I!? What’s going on?” You demanded.

Peter 3 stared at you with his mouth hanging open. He shut the wind and stumbled over his things until he stood in front of where you sat on his bed. “This is…my universe,” Peter said. “You’re in my bedroom. I—the spell returned me to this point in time. Right before Max died. But he didn’t. Max is fine. Gwen is fine, she’s on a plane to Oxford right now, and Harry—Harry got arrested, but he’s fine.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “I’m…” Your sentence hung in the air, unfinished as you stared at him harder. He looked younger. Which made sense, you supposed. He’d been returned to the past, right before Electro died. And somehow, he brought you with him.

You really hated the multiverse right about now.

“I don’t understand," you said. "I'm not from this universe, why would I—this makes absolutely no sense!" You laughed, gripping your hair as you leaned forward. "This is unbelievable."

"Hey—don't worry. Uh, we may not have wizards but I sure we can find some way to—" Peter stammered over his words.

You stood up, interrupted his nervous tirade, and kissed him. Because right now he was the only constant you had. The only familiar thing you had right now.

And maybe things would be alright. Maybe you'd go back to your own universe. Or maybe you'd stay in this one. Would that really be the end of the world?

#ransomswriting #spiderman no way home spoilers #spiderman #no way home #andrew garfield #tasm spiderman #tasm peter parker #tasm peter x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #male reader #ask box #answered asks #asks are open #thanos was right

[spidernerdsblog]

See you again

A/N : This is my attempt to a happy ending. Its also a part of my ironheart au and can be read after you belong with me. Hope you like this. Let me know what you think.

Summary : you discover an old video diary and its sends a whiplash of forgotten memories buried deep inside your mind reminding you of a promise you made to your best friend.

Pairing : Peter Parker x Stark! Reader

Warnings : NWH spoilers

You are back home from Stanford for your winter break and like every other visit to the cabin you have been cooped up in the basement or your father’s workshop since morning. You loved to sit there in peace toying around with the different gadgets, some finished some unfinished because most of your fond memories with your dad are when you used to build things together. It’s been almost two years now but the painful reminder of his absence still remains in your lives.

“Y/N you better clean out the junk from the basement or I’m going to throw them out myself!” you hear Pepper’s voice coming from upstairs.

“Mom you can’t do that!” you shout from the basement.

“Oh yes I will” she yells back. You quickly climb up the stairs to find her in the kitchen preparing sandwiches for breakfast.

“Those are all dad’s stuff, mom. You can’t just throw them away.”

“Y/N you have to understand not long ago the company was confiscated and things got really messy for us to get cleared of all the charges so we made it mandatory to put all our acquired assets and technology into a public record to avoid any kind of legal trouble in future. And all those tech you have kept stored in the basement can put us in trouble again.”

“But they are all unfinished tech which doesn’t work at all.” you argue. “Moreover, why were we confiscated? I never got to know the whole story.”

“It’s still a mystery to us but someone anonymously reported about us possessing lethal weapons having the potential for mass destruction.” she shrugs “but that’s not the point you still got to sort out the stuff. Keep whatever you think is useful and dispose of the rest.”

Your face falls as you mumble. “I can’t mom”

Pepper softens reaching out a hand to cup the side of your face. “Y/N I know you miss him, we all do but you can’t always dwell in the past you have to learn to let go.”

“I-I just feel if I throw them away I’ll be removing him from my life too.”

“That’s never going to happen, he lives in you and Morgan. You’re his legacy, do you understand?” you nod. “Now have your breakfast and then start with the cleaning up of the basement.”

Later on you are back down in the basement as you half heartedly segregate the items in two separate boxes labeled to keep and to throw when you hear soft footsteps coming down the stairs. Morgan comes and stands beside you quietly.

“Y/N are you sad?” she asks.

“A little.” you reply.

“If you want you can hide them under my bed I won’t tell mom.” she says innocently and a smile spreads across your face.

“That’s fine kiddo it was about time.” you say ruffling her hair.

You lift the to throw box to carry it outside when you bump against another box on your way as it topples over spilling its contents all over the floor.

“Shit!” you curse and cover your mouth quickly realizing you were not allowed to swear in front of your little sister. “don’t tell mom”

Morgan giggles while you crouch down to pick up the scattered stuff which were mostly pages after pages of research work. Your brows draw into a frown as you arrange them one by one. The pages were filled with chemical formulas you figured it was to make a fluid with super tensile strength. But when were you or your dad working on something like that? And the handwriting isn’t yours but seems so familiar to you. You scour more to find models of cartridges, tasers and then you come across a memory card without any label.

“Y/N what is this?” Morgan asks curiously.

“Hmm…I’ve no idea” you examine the drive. “Let’s check it shall we?” she nods excitedly as if you were doing some sort of treasure hunt.

You quickly power up the computer and a screen appears which runs a quick facial recognition of you.

Credentials verified. Good Morning Miss Y/N Stark. You’re now securely logged into the Stark private server. Friday's computerized voice reverberates in the room.

You inserted the card in the port to let Friday read it and after it is done a video starts to play automatically on the screen.

“Woah I can’t believe I’m attending a Christmas party in the avengers compound.” says the person behind the camera. The boyishness in his voice seemed awfully familiar to you.

“What is this Y/N?” Morgan asks.

“Looks like an old video recording of a Christmas party at the compound”

The camera pans around the whole room. You can see your dad with Steve and Thor arguing about something. You feel a slight pang in your heart when you see Nat with Wanda, your mom and agent hill. Everyone looked so happy which in turn brought a smile on your face as well. It made you wish for everything to go back to as it was where the team was back together and no one dead.

Then the camera zooms at you. You are seen standing near the dessert table busy stuffing your mouth with chocolate truffles and mocha brownies.

“Will you stop recording while I’m eating?” you say with your mouth full.

“As we can see we have spotted a wild Y/N in her natural habitat that is the sweets counter.” the boy giggles behind the camera.

“You little shit!” you set down your plate and aggressively reach your hand out to snatch his camera but he was quick to run away. He turns the camera to himself laughing.

“Also beware when provoked she attacks too.”

“I’m gonna kill you Peter Parker if you show that to anyone.” you say chasing after him.

And the video ends.

“Peter Parker…” you repeat the name under your breath as you try to think hard. Where have you seen him? And why do you don’t remember him?

And just then you feel like you’ve been hit by a truckload of memories as everything starts to come back in bits and pieces to you. Spiderman…Peter Parker, you begin to remember the fight at the airport, your first day at midtown high, Washington monument, the prom night, you accidentally kissing him, fighting thanos, the summer trip to Europe, you secretly falling for him but he was already in love with MJ, mysterio revealing his identity, Strange’s spell going wrong causing a rift in the multiverse and bringing all of spider man's enemies from other universes along with two different variants of Peter. Yes you remember it all.

“Y/N there’s no other way.” he says defeatedly.

“I understand Peter.” you say softly.

“You’re not going to talk me out of it this time?”

You sigh, the corner of your mouth lifts up to form the faintest of a smile. “You’ve already made up your mind Peter and this is for the greater good so as your best friend I’m not going to stop you this time”

He pulls you in a hug as tears trickle down the corners of your eyes. “Thank you for everything Y/N. Goodbye.”

“Mmhmm” you shake your head pulling back to look at his face. “Don’t say goodbye. We’re going to meet again, okay?”

“But you won’t remember me after the spell is done.”

You cradle his face in your palms. “Hey don’t forget I’m a Stark, my dad figured out time travel so finding a loophole to this spell will not be that hard for me. However long it takes Peter I’ll find you. I promise.”

“Y/N…” his voice quavers.

“See you soon, Parker.” you say pressing your foreheads together.

“Y/N, who is Peter? Is he your boyfriend?” Morgan's voice breaks you out of your thoughts.

“No, he is my best friend.” you reply.

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know Morgan but I gotta go find him.” you set everything aside and turn to leave.

“I wanna go with you” she pouts.

“Sorry kiddo, I can't take you with me. Just tell mom something important came up but I'll be back soon.” You quickly grab your coat and purse and head to the garage.

While driving back to New York you try to search for more information about Peter’s whereabouts but as expected there’s no trace of him anywhere. It was as if he never existed on this earth. So you go for the only option left, instructing Friday to dig up information about all the recent sightings on Spiderman and that did the trick. All the sightings narrow down to one place 410, Chelsea street.

Reaching at the location you park your car near the curb and step out as snow drizzles down upon you. The air was chilly as you stuff your hands inside your pockets and walk inside the nearest bodega.

“Can I help you with anything, miss?” a young man asks from behind the counter.

“Hey, hi..um..do you happen to know someone named Peter Parker?” you enquire. “I was told he lives somewhere in this neighborhood”

“Peter Parker?”

“Yeah.” you confirm. He gives the name a thought for a second then shakes his head.

“Sorry miss, I don't recall anyone by that name.”

“Oh that's fine, sorry for bothering you.” you say and leave the shop.

Like this you stroll past different shops stopping by at each of them to enquire about if they have seen or heard about someone named Peter Parker but to your dismay nobody could give you a satisfactory answer. You had lost all hope when you reached in front of a French bakery at the end of the street but your heart wasn’t ready to give up without a last try.

The bell chimes overhead as you push the door open to the bakery.

“Bonjour chérie.” a middle aged lady appears smiling behind the counter. “What can I get you?”

“Bonjour.” you return a smile. “Well I’m looking for a guy actually, average height, brown hair, brown eyes, dresses up like a nerd and is a little awkward around people. Do you recall anyone like that?”

Her brows pinches together thoughtfully. “I think I might. Not long ago Mr. Muggins rented their apartment on the fifth floor to a young man who perfectly fits your description. He comes here occasionally, nice boy but speaks very little.” she says with her french accent and you were finally seeing some hope after all.

“Where’s the apartment?” you ask immediately.

“It’s right across the street, turn left it’s a red brick building.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” you couldn’t thank her enough.

“ma plaisir” she smiles widely.

Your eyes then go to the cherry pie displayed on the top shelf. “Also I would like to take this.” “Sure. I’ll pack it for you.” She takes it out from the shelf and packs in it a box and hands it to you.

“Thank you and please keep this.” you slide a hundred dollar bill to her.

Her brows arched up in surprise at the amount. “This is way more than it costs.”

“You don’t know how much you’ve helped me today. Just take it please, it’s the least I can do.”

“I hope you find who you’re looking for, cherie. Merry christmas.” She says, smiling softly.

“Thank you and merry christmas.”

You exit the shop and walk down across the street and as the lady had told you could clearly see the red brick building to the left. It was quite old with very poor maintenance. There was no buzzer at the main door so you just entered the building and climbed up the rickety staircase to the fifth floor.

Upon reaching the apartment door you suddenly start to feel nervous as your hands get sweaty at the thought of what if the door opens and it’s not Peter. You really don’t think you can handle the disappointment but still you take a deep breath gathering all your courage and knock on the door. After a few seconds of silence you hear light footsteps approach the door followed by the unlocking of the latch and bolt.

The door finally swings open and you’re met with those familiar honey brown eyes. It’s really him, you found him. For a moment you and Peter stare at each other in shock and joy.

“Y/N?” his voice comes out shaky.

“Oh my god, Peter!” you cry out throwing your arms around him. He has to take a step back to steady himself. “I finally found you”

“You remember me?” He looks at your face.

“Of course I remember you.” you hug him again tightly thinking that if you let go he might disappear again. Peter sighs in your warm embrace, inhaling the familiar scent of yours. He had no idea how much he had missed you until now. You cry in each other's arms for how long you don’t know by the time you break away your eyes are puffy red but you are both smiling.

“I still can’t believe you are here.” he sniffles. “How did this happen? And how did you find me?”

“I'd have to thank mom for this if she hadn’t forced me to clear out the basement then I wouldn’t have found the memory card which turned out to be your video diary you made on Christmas six years ago.” you chuckle lightly. “But finding you was the most difficult part because there are no official records for Peter Parker but thank god for spiderman he helped me a lot. See I told you I’d find you.”

“And I’m glad you did.” he smiles. “I’m so happy to see you again Y/N.”

“Me too.”

“I still don’t know how this is possible because Strange’s spells are quite strong.”

“Not as strong as our friendship. Let’s just call it the starker paradox.” you grin.

“Yeah starker paradox. Good name.”

“I know!. By the way it's Christmas eve so I brought you your favorite.” you hold the box in front of him. “Cherry pie.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Yeah I know but I’m hungry so let’s eat.” you take off your coat and hand it over to Peter who hangs it on the rack while you head to the kitchen to grab two forks. You sit across from each other on the dining nook placing the pie in between.

“Bon appetit.” you snicker digging into the pie. “Mmmm this tastes heavenly.”

“Yeah it does.” he agrees, taking a bite as he watches you eat. Peter can’t express in words how much he had missed you, your voice, your laughter, everything. He still thinks he is dreaming and once he wakes you’ll be gone. The last few months were tough for him being all alone and figuring his life out. No one to talk to, no one to share his grief with.

“So how are you? And what are you upto these days?” you ask in between.

“I’m doing good now.” he grins. “Preparing for GED and then will apply at the Empire State University.”

“That’s good but why not MIT?”

“I don’t want to put any more lives in danger, it's better I keep my distance and stay low.”

You figured he was talking about Ned and MJ. “Did you ever go and meet them?”

“Yeah I tried but I couldn't. They have a bright future and deserve to be happy which will only be possible if I’m not in their lives.”

“Peter, you deserve to be happy too.” you place your hand above his gently. “You sure you’re ok with this? I mean Ned was your best friend and MJ you loved her right?”

“I’ll be ok plus I have you now” he says with a smile. “Speaking of you, you didn’t go to MIT as well. I was about to go see you but then got to know you already left for Stanford.”

“Never had plans to go to MIT in the first place.” you shrug.

“Wait even if this all never had happened you would have left?” he frowns.

“Uh huh” you nod casually.

“Why?”

“I had my reasons plus whatever they teach over there is school level science for me and I got a business empire to take over in future so mom thought its better I get a business degree.” you explain. “But don’t worry I’ll come and see you when I return home during the semester breaks.”

“So how is your spidermanning going on?”

“I think I’m done looking out for the little guy.” he lets out a long resigning sigh. “I mean look where it brought me no friends, no family, just me all alone.”

“Peter, I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. And now we both speak for the dead. " you pause for a second remembering those moments you both wished never happened. "But if you lose hope. Aunt May, dad, they died for nothing.”

“I don’t know, Y/N…I don’t know how to go on. It was all my fault that she is dead.”

“Don’t. Take her with you. I mean look at me I’m not the same arrogant girl anymore who was silly enough to think of changing the world with advanced A.I’s. But now I know what it actually means to be a true hero always thinking about the greater good and seeing the good in people and Peter that is what defines you…always remember what May said that with great power comes great responsibility.” you say and he nods in understanding.

“Also I know you can’t use your old suit anymore so if you want I can set you up on our private server no one would know.” you offer.

“I really appreciate the help Y/N but I need a fresh start and that means no stark tech.” he says with a smile.

“Ok as you wish” you say “you know I sometimes wonder what the other Peters are doing in their universes.”

“I’m sure they are doing fine but I do remember you and Peter 3 became quite good friends.”

“We’re indeed good friends” you snicker. “He was really witty and funny, also he told me I reminded him of his best friend in his universe.”

“Another version of you? Now that would lead to a world apocalypse.” he jokes.

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood or I would have shown you the world apocalypse right now.” you retort and then both of you burst out laughing. The whole night you stayed up talking about your lives just like old times. Peter couldn't be anymore grateful, he didn't had to spend Christmas alone and you remembering him is the best gift he can ever wish for.

……………………………………………………………………….

Reblogs are appreciated ❤️

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker oneshot #peter parker angst #tom holland #spiderman fanfiction

[munsons-maiden]

𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐀 𝐂𝐨𝐢𝐧

Here’s an enemies to lovers oneshot 😁 I hope you enjoy! - Love, Kiki 🖤

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Loki x female reader   

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | All the pent up hatred you and Loki feel for each other leads to a fight to see who's the better warrior - which quickly turns heated in a whole new way. Because after all, love and hate are two sides of the same coin. 

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 | enemies to lovers, smut,  bantering, a bit of angst 

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 7k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | SMUT (ONLY READ IF YOU’RE 18+ YEARS OLD!), thigh riding, unprotected sex (please stay safe in real life and use a condom!), a bit of angst (with a happy ending) 

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♡  

𝐀𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 🖤 

“If you place your feet a single inch further apart, the next gust of wind will just sweep you off them,” a dark voice drawled behind you in the most infuriatingly mocking tone, and with a flourish, you whirled around, opened your hand, and your dagger whirred through the air and lodged itself in the doorframe mere inches from Loki’s face.

He didn’t even flinch, you had to give him that.

One dark eyebrow raised, he commented, “A terrible throw.”

“If I’d wanted for the blade to hit home, it would have,” you replied through gritted teeth. Loki’s smirk widened, and a predatory gleam flashed in his eyes as he pushed himself away from the doorway to the training rooms and began to stroll towards you with slow, measured steps.

You straightened your posture, unwavering as you shot him a withering glare, unfazed as he prowled closer. If he thought he could play cat and mouse with you, he’d been wrong.

Hatred seared in your gut like a writhing snake as you watched him slowly draw near.

Though even you couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked, with his dark hair brushing against his shoulders, looking so glossy and soft, and that mischievous dark smirk which kept playing on his lips. And the way the black leather of his Asgardian attire wrapped tightly around his toned body, leaving you to wonder how he looked beneath all these layers of fabric, if his body was as lean and strong as the fabric made it look like.

The flash of deviousness in his captivating eyes pinned you to your spot and made your heart beat a little faster. Loki looked as if he knew exactly which thoughts had been flashing through your mind, and it made your body heat with fury.

He’d been like this ever since your first encounter; bickering, infuriating, always trying to prod you with his well-placed quips until you snapped at him. Making you loathe him even more than you already had for what he’d done in New York, unworthy of the chance your teammates had given him.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than to criticize my fighting techniques?”, you asked, and your voice was dripping with sweetness and sarcasm.

“I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a technique,” Loki quipped, “But not really, no. And it’s truly entertaining how easy it is for me to throw you off balance. A single comment and you start throwing knives at me.”

“Did you mistake my attempt to murder you as a compliment?”

“It certainly makes me wonder what else you will do if I keep taunting you.” He had the audacity to wink. And still, he was prowling closer with measured, deliberate steps, like a predator stalking its prey. And still, you didn’t budge. You wouldn’t take a single step back.

“I can’t be the only one who’s ever thrown a knife at you,” you retorted.

There was only one last step left between the two of you. You raised your remaining knife, the point trained to his neck, silently daring him to come closer.

Loki’s sly smirk widened, and he spoke, “Rude, but true. Though your attempt at murdering me was either the most half-hearted one, or the clumsiest. Judging from the unbalanced fighting stance and the hilarious movement of your elbows, my guess would be the latter one. Are you trying to make your opponent laugh themselves to death with your little dance moves?”

With that, Loki raised his hand and in a flash of green, one of his own daggers materialized out of thin air, its blade softly meeting your own raised one with the tinkling sound of metal grazing against metal.

“You’re all talk and no action,” you said lightly. “Coming here, watching me train, criticizing me. But we’ve never fought to see who’s the better fighter, so you either know you’d lose…or you’re too scared to find out. Which one is it, Loki?”

His eyes flashed, growing imperceptibly darker like an ocean beneath a sky veiled by storm clouds, before he purred, “You won’t stand a chance against me, darling.”

“If you call me darling one more time, I’ll cut your throat.”

“Not with that fighting posture, you won’t. All you’ll achieve is breaking your wrist trying.”

That was the last straw. You could feel heat rise in your cheeks as your blood began to boil with loathing and the overwhelming urge to slap that sneer from his face. You gritted your teeth. “Fine. Let’s fight and find out then. If I win, you’ll leave me alone.”

The mischievous grin turned even darker. Menacing. All it did was fuel your already blazing rage.

“Very well,” he drawled. “And if I’m the glorious victor? What do I get?”

You raised your brows. “The satisfaction of having another reason to fall on my nerves should be enough in the case of your victory. But don’t you worry about that. I’ll whip your ass.”

He snickered. “If that’s what you want, you could have just asked nicely.”

You could tell he was waiting for your own witty retort, but you saw your chance and acted on it. Lifting your hand in a flourish, you pushed Loki’s own blade aside and raised your knee to kick him in the gut – or, even better, his groin – but his reflexes were fast as lightning, honed by centuries of combat practice like the sharp blade of his daggers.

Green light flared – and Loki was gone. Before you could even frown in confusion, a foot locked around your ankle from behind, and your left leg was pulled from under you, effectively sending you tumbling to the ground with a small gasp of surprise.

With Loki’s low laugh ringing in your ears, you were quick to roll around to catch your fall and jump back to your feet, seething, “I must be a powerful opponent if you have to resume to trickery to win against me.”

You didn’t wait for an answer. In a fluid motion, you pulled your remaining spare knife from its hiding place at the hem of your pants and, both of your knives now clutched tightly in your fists, you lunged at him. Loki, though, was quick to block them with his own, flashing you a wicked grin through the crossed, glinting blades.

“I’m the God of Tricks,” he taunted, “If you didn’t anticipate them, it’s your mistake rather than mine.”

His sentence morphed into a huff as you loosened the weight with which you’d pushed against his blades, and when the sudden loss of counterweight made him stumble slightly forwards to regain his balance, you raised your knee. This time, you hit home, right in his groin, eliciting a satisfying little hiss of pain from the trickster, and twirled to add a kick into his chest for good measure. Loki, though, was quick to compose himself, and dodged out of your way with a whirl of his own.

“I’m starting to think they only call you the God of Mischief because the title God of Chattering was already taken”, you teased with a sly grin mirroring his own, but your clap-backs only seemed to spur him on further.

Sparring with Loki felt a little like dancing, you realized; quick-paced with light steps, the game of hunter and prey, graceful parries and swift attacks in a push and pull like the tides of an ocean.

A swing of his right dagger, which you caught, answering with a rapid thrust of your left hand, the blade already aimed at his stomach – only for Loki to catch your blow with the flat side of his right dagger’s blade and knock your own knife from your grip. It clattered to the floor, and the sound mingled with your hiss as you swung your hand with the remaining knife at his shoulder. Loki, though, had already anticipated the move, and dodged the blow, whirling around to come up behind you, one arm locked around your waist, the other holding his dagger against your throat. Cold metal grazed against your exposed skin.

For a split second, both of you remained like this, his firm chest pressed flush against your spine in this strange embrace, and you could feel Loki’s racing heartbeat thudding against your back, his heavy breathing against your own ribs.

“Ready to give up, darling?”, he crooned, and his breath ghosted over the bare skin at the crook of your neck. You involuntarily arched your back a little with the sensation of it, the pleasant shiver it sent through your nerves, making the skin tingle where his warm, laboured breaths caressed it – hoping he didn’t notice the goosebumps blooming on your exposed skin in response, betraying you.

Focus, a voice in your mind hissed, snapping you back to reality. You hate him. You despise him. Show him who’s the better fighter.

“Never,” you spat, tightening your fist on the hilt of your remaining dagger before you threw your head back against Loki’s nose, all the while raising your foot to slam it down on his. As the back of your head made contact with his nose – and the heel of your foot smashed into his own – he hissed with pain, and his grip around you loosened enough for you to whirl around and ready yourself for another kick.

Loki’s reflexes were way faster than your own, you had to admit that at least to yourself. Before you could even start the kicking motion, he lunged, barrelling into you and sending both of you slamming into the wall which was only a step behind you, and the force of the impact knocked the remaining dagger from your hand and sent it skittering over the floor and out of your reach. Damn it. You realized too late that during the fight, the two of you had moved to the edge of the training room. A stupid mistake, to let your surroundings slip out of focus.

“Letting your surroundings slip out of focus is a rather rookie mistake,” Loki commented sweetly, echoing your thoughts, and you narrowed your eyes in disdain as he placed one fist, still clutching his dagger, on the wall beside your head, raising the other so the second blade’s cold tip brushed against your collarbone. Cornering you against the damn wall.

Loki’s face was only inches from yours, and his scent was overpowering, wrapping its tendrils around you; sweat mixing with the faint smell of leather and something herbaceous, like a meadow in spring, to form the most intoxicating fragrance and cloud your senses. His face was close enough for you to feel his warm breath fan across your cheeks, and his eyes, framed by long, dark lashes, were locked on yours with an intensity that made the air between the two of you sizzle with an electricity which seemed to resonate with the sudden tension in your body.

“What?”, Loki teased, and his playful tone had grown huskier, “No witty clap-back, darling?”

“I despise you,” you hissed, swallowing against the tip of his dagger pressed to the hollow above your collarbone, all the while you kept trying hard to ignore the rush of elation which scooted through you at his sudden closeness, the hungry look in Loki’s riveting cerulean eyes. Trying, and failing miserably.

Loki’s lips curved into another smirk, and the devious spark danced in his eyes like the flame of a candle as he leaned closer still and purred, his tone low and husky, “You know what they say. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. As long as you hate me, you care about me. And you hate yourself for it more than you could ever hate me.”

“You’re the one coming down here to watch me train in the middle of the night, Loki. That doesn’t look like hatred to me.”

“I never said I hated you.”

A few heartbeats of stunned silence followed, in which you scanned his face, looking for any signs of a lie. But you were only met with sincerity…and something else. Something dark and hungry and, for the blink of an eye, a flicker of tenderness as he watched you, waiting for your reaction.

“Well, can’t say the same thing for myself,” you finally scoffed, but your voice sounded strained, the quip as half-hearted as it suddenly felt.

“You can’t fool the God of Lies, sweetheart,” he murmured, and the tip of his blade slid upwards, over the sensitive skin of the column of your throat before Loki placed it underneath your chin to tilt your head slightly upwards.

“You’re not a mind reader,” you hissed.

“And you’re not as subtle as you think yourself to be. The mask is slipping all on its own, darling,” Loki crooned. “I can see how ragged your breaths are,” he purred, leaning closer, so close that the tip of his nose was nearly brushing against yours, so close that you breathed in each other’s air, and your own breath hitched traitorously in your throat as your heart seemed to stumble in the confines of your ribcage. “Your pulse,” Loki continued with a rasp, his voice growing darker, lower, with every heartbeat as he slowly trailed the tip of the dagger’s blade from its place beneath your chin to follow the line of your jaw and to the point of your pulse pounding wildly below your ear, cool metal caressing your heated skin as you felt your heartrate spike with the delicious touch, “Your pulse is racing.”

Loki’s eyes on yours were mesmerizing, his pupils blown so wide that the beautiful cerulean colour of his irises was eclipsed to mere rings encasing these oceans of darkness. You could feel every single nerve in your body come alive, ablaze, beneath the intensity, the desire shining in these captivating eyes, and the trickster’s blade which, barely grazing your skin with its cold touch, wandered down the column of your throat. This time, you couldn’t suppress the shiver running through you at the sensation, and you tilted your head a little to the side with a sharp exhale, still holding Loki’s spellbinding gaze.

“And your stunning eyes are dilated, darling,” Loki continued. His own breaths were laboured as well, you noticed. The exertion of the fight? Or was it something else?

“Adrenaline”, you breathed, and the sensation of the cool caress of the tip of Loki’s dagger on your neck made your voice falter with another shiver skittering down your spine, the feeling of embers glowing in your core, flaring to life.

The wicked smirk grew wider, and the twinkle in these mesmerizing ocean eyes as they briefly travelled down to your lips, slightly parted with your faltering breaths, before they snapped up to hold your gaze once more, told you Loki wasn’t fooled. “And the throbbing for me between your legs?”, he asked sweetly, his voice rough and barely above a whisper, “Is that caused by adrenaline as well?”

His lips were hovering not an inch from yours, and you felt the gravity of his enthralling closeness, like strings drawing you towards him, tugging you closer and closer like the pull of a magnet.  

“Is this turning you on, your knife against my throat?”, you murmured with as much disdain as you could muster against the haziness Loki’s closeness, the feeling of his lips nearly brushing over yours, his scent, his searing gaze, were instilling in your senses, luring you deeper into the haze of this spell he’d put on you, clouding your every rational thought with longing.

“Well, it’s a lovely sight for sure to have you all panting and sweaty beneath my blade, darling,” he rasped, and before you could contemplate what you were doing or stop yourself, you closed the remaining whisker’s breadth between the two of you and crashed your lips on Loki’s.

A part of you had anticipated for him to push you away, but he didn’t – it didn’t take him even a split second to return the kiss. His hand which had been resting against the wall beside your head shot up to cup your face, the dagger he’d held tinkling as the metal hit the floor, as Loki began to move his lips against yours with a greed that knocked the breath from your lungs and made your legs quiver with the force of it. The sound which tore from his throat when your tongue brushed over his lower lip and you opened your mouth for him, made your core throb with desire, a need which sizzled through your body like liquid flames.

It was bruising and fierce, and the sensation of Loki’s hand sliding into your hair at the back of your head, grabbing a fistful of your strands to slightly angle your head back while he let his tongue delve into your mouth, teeth clashing, and the cold edge of his remaining dagger’s sharp blade still pressed against your throat made you utter a low moan. Loki’s body was pressed flush against yours, his weight pinning you against the wall, and when he bucked his hips into yours, a growl escaped his lips at the feeling of his hardened length rubbing against your thigh through the layers of fabric.

Your lips curled as you smiled viciously into the kiss while your hands found their way to his shoulders, clutching him firmly while your knee shot up to slam into his crotch, but despite the distraction of the feverish kissed you were sharing, the lust addling his mind, Loki had anticipated your scheme and dodged, just as your elbow slammed into his side and you scurried away from him, darting to the discarded dagger closest to you in the centre of the room, its blade catching the glow of the lights overhead.

“What was that about using trickery?”, Loki hissed from behind you.

“Two can play this game,” you quipped sweetly and reached for the knife’s hilt, fingertips already brushing against the smooth surface, when a force dragged you backwards before your fingers could close around weapon, and your frustrated growl echoed through the air. You had the mind to whirl around as you were pulled backwards with the force of Loki’s magic, raising your left leg from the floor and wrapping it around his waist while he pulled you back towards him, the force of it making the two of you tumble to the floor, and this time, it was you who came up on top.

It was a stalemate – you had him pinned to the floor, straddling his waist while your hands pushed down on his chest to keep him in place, while his dagger’s blade had found its way back to your throat.

“I’m impressed how low you’ll stoop to win,” Loki purred, infuriatingly unfazed.

“So you agree kissing you means stooping low?” you seethed with a grin, pressing harder against his chest, but your words morphed into a low groan as Loki bucked his hips, and the sensation of his crotch rubbing against the sweet spot at the apex of your thighs made you feel as if he’d set you on fire.

“And still you enjoyed it enough to get all worked up beneath my touch”, he crooned.

“Will you ever shut up, just for once?”, you spat in reply as you fought the desire for him which kept clouding your senses and shifted, straddling his left thigh to keep him from moving his hips against yours.

A mistake, you soon enough realized at the devilish grin which lit up his handsome features.

“Make me,” Loki challenged with a sultry snicker, and shifted his thigh slightly beneath you, enough to cause some friction against your throbbing core, and it took all of your strength to bite back the moan which threatened to spill from your lips and betray your need. For him.

“Does that feel good, darling?”, Loki drawled with another shift, the movement of his thigh grazing your clit sending another wave of pleasure through you, much stronger than the first one, and the embers in your lower belly flared in response.

He was tricking you, using your arousal against you, to distract you and regain the upper hand, but the sensation of his thigh rubbing against your groin, paired with his dark voice which, hoarse with the strain of his own arousal, seeped through the air like honey, was too addictive to make you stop. It only made you want him more. Another shift, and you rutted your hips against his thigh with more vigour, relishing the sensation bolting through your aching core as you felt your walls clench around nothing. This time, you didn’t even try to bite back the loud moan which filled the air, knowing what these sounds tumbling from your lips would do to him in return, judging by the remarkable tent in his leather pants.

You rolled your hips against his thigh once more, feeling your arousal soak your panties, savouring the cold bite of Loki’s dagger which was still poised against your throat, firm enough to elicit a pleasant sting of cold and the sharpness of the blade, and slight enough not to actually hurt you, you noticed, as Loki watched you intently, his gaze never straying from yours.

With a smirk, your hand shot out to stroke his hardened length through the leather of his pants, palming him, watching how his lips parted with the most sinful moan beneath your exploring touch. In a swift motion, you swung your leg back over his waist to straddle him once again, and began to rut your hips against his in slow, languid movements, making the both of your groan in synch as your heated core pressed against his erection and your hands roamed over the soft leather covering his sides. There. You gave him another devious grin as your fingers closed around the hilt of the dagger he’d kept hidden beneath the fabric at his waist, pressing the blade against his own exposed throat.

“How many more hidden daggers will I find underneath all this leather?” you hummed, groaning as he rolled his hips against yours, and your fist tightened around the dagger’s hilt with the pleasure ablaze in your core, sending shockwaves through your whole body. The ache for him, to feel him inside your soaked walls, was starting to get unbearable.

“That depends entirely on how thoroughly you search for them,” he panted with a seductive, breathless smirk that did nothing to quench your arousal.

“Good,” you quipped, and slid the dagger beneath the hem of his attire before ripping it upwards to slice through the leather which covered his chest. It gave away under the sharp blade as if you were cutting through butter, ignoring Loki’s gasp of surprise at the sound of the ripping fabric.

“That was finest Asgardian leather.”

“As if I cared,” you hissed as you pressed your own blade to his jugular, where it glinted against his pale skin, savouring the expression in his darkened eyes as you used your free hand to push the remaining scraps of fabric away from his chest, not without taking a split second to admire the defined lines of muscles rising beneath his pale skin, the way his abs flexed with every laboured breath he took.

Your free hand roamed over his exposed chest, dipping to his waist as you felt for more hidden knives, and you could feel how much effort it cost him to suppress another groan when your fingers kept dancing over his bare skin, soft under your touch.

“Maybe I lied,” Loki crooned as you let your hands travel to his other side and beneath the torn leather, still searching for another hidden knife, “Maybe that’s what I wanted you to do all along, darling. Do you enjoy touching me while I’m helpless and panting underneath you? Do you enjoy this surge of power rushing through you at the sight?”

He thrust his hips up, his crotch meeting your soaked core, and it took all your strength not to double over with the pleasure scooting through you, ripping through your nerves like your blade had through the leather of his attire only seconds prior.

The truth was…you did enjoy it. Not only enjoy – you relished in it, in the way you could feel his arousal for you, evident in the hardened bulge in his pants and the lust-blown gaze he kept so firmly trained on you, following your every movement, the way his beautiful black hair was sprawled around his head like a crown forged of the blackest metal.

It was a dangerous game you were playing. Everything Loki was, everything he stood for, the spell he’d cast over you with fleeting glances and the witty bantering, the enticing words his silver tongue spun for you, leaving you wondering what else he could do with it, the timbre of his smooth, dark voice seeping into your mind to keep you awake at night like the luring song of a siren…He’d invaded your mind, and the hatred you’d so carefully built for him was the last guard to keep him from conquering your heart as well. You couldn’t let it get that far. And you couldn’t forget the intoxicating feeling of his lips against yours which had left you yearning for more.

Lasciviously slowly, you let the tip of your stolen blade trace the curve of Loki’s collarbone before you trailed it downwards over his firm chest, watching the muscles ripple and flex as he arched into the caress of your sharp blade, watching how the trickster’s lips parted with a silent moan.

“Now who’s getting off the knife pressed against their opponent’s skin?”, Loki breathed, and you could tell he was restraining a groan. A shame. You would need to work harder to hear it.

“Both of us,” you murmured, “Judging from the hitch in your breath, and the tent in your pants.”

He chuckled darkly, and it was a sound so lovely and sinful that it made your heartrate spike once again.

Loki’s free hand wandered up your thigh, over the fabric of your pants, and the pad of his thumb grazed over your clothed core, the arousal soaking the fabric of your panties.

“Fuck,” you whispered, and your hips snapped forwards to meet his touch, desperate for more friction.

“I’m inclined to comply if you ask nicely. Tell me, darling, are you wet for me already?”, he purred with another searing stroke of his thumb, shattering the last of your resolve.

“Only one way to find out,” you moaned, and your words were all the reassurance he needed to do exactly that. His dagger left your throat as he slid the cool blade into the hem of your pants and cut them open just as you had only moments prior.

“These were my favourites,” you hissed.

“I couldn’t care less,” he panted his reply, and before you could muster a clapback, his hands slid to your soaked folds, thumb flicking languidly against the swollen bundle of nerves at the apex of your thighs while he sat up beneath you, and your back arched in time with the wanton moan tumbling from your lips, swallowed by another searing kiss as Loki locked his lips on yours.

You’d never felt anything like this before. And it was so utterly wrong. It was tearing down all these walls you’d so carefully built to guard your heart, setting free these things you’d buried deep inside your soul, things you swore yourself to snuff out like the flame of a candle. They’d grown into a wildfire, hungry flames licking at your heart and your nerves as your world zoned in on Loki, his touches as his skilled fingers which kept playing with your clit while you rolled your hips to meet his them with a low whimper.

The clatter of metal on the floor momentarily drew you from this world of searing bliss as Loki discarded his remaining dagger and his free hand grabbed the back of your head, to pull you into another bruising, greedy kiss as he kept pleasuring you with his hands, each slow, languorous stroke over your clit making shooting stars bolt through your veins, tightening the coil in your belly.

“Do you like what I’m doing to you, love?”, he murmured against your lips, his strokes teasing, a sweet, slow torture, “Do you like the way my fingers make you feel?”

“Yes,” you breathed.

“Then let me hear it.”

Loki’s teeth grazed your bottom lip as your lips parted for a wanton moan, loud enough to wake the whole compound, and he softly bit down, drawing blood, the metallic tang mixing with the taste of him. You cried out with pleasure as you could feel the wave of your climax crashing into you – and the cry fused into a whine of frustration as Loki pulled his hands away with a wicked chuckle.

“Beg for it,” he rasped into the kiss, and you pulled away to glare at him, his flushed cheeks and lust-blown eyes, the spark of desire and mischief flashing in their black depths, “Beg for me to bring you this sweet relief.”

“I will do no such thing,” you panted. “My own hands are perfectly capable to finish the job.”

With a sly smirk of your own, you let your hand fall from its place on Loki’s chest to let it rove down to your dripping folds, but his free hand, the one which wasn’t buried in your hair, caught yours, and his lips crashed onto yours, making you gasp. A flash of green light, and your pants were gone, along with your underwear, as were his. You groaned into the kiss as your dripping folds brushed over his hardened length

Against your lips, Loki murmured, “What if I didn’t hate you? What if it were quite the opposite?”

There was a softness laced in the low rasp of his voice that made your traitorous little heart skip a beat, paired with a strange feeling of free fall, as if you’d reached the top of a roller coaster, waiting for that split second for the cart to drop, that short moment of holding your breath. And it had nothing to do with the things the two of you were doing, and everything with the possibility disguised in his words.

Dressed as a beautiful lie, because that’s what he does. That’s what he is, the little voice in your head warned.

“Love?”, you huffed, pulling slightly away from his lips, “Love and lust are not the same. You want me. You want to fuck me. But you don’t love me.”

For a strange moment, you thought you’d seen the sharp edge of hurt in his eyes, but it was gone before you could start to contemplate it in your hazy mind.

“Then let me fuck you,” he growled.

He didn’t need to tell you twice. You raised your hips and sunk onto him, taking your sweet time to bury him in your throbbing core, listening to the lovely sounds that tumbled from his lips which kept moving against yours, feverish and hungry as if the same flames he’d stoked in your own body were devouring him as well. You moans tangled in the sweat-drenched air with his as you began to gyrate your hips, achingly slowly, to see if you could make him beg you to go faster.

And to savour the feeling of Loki as close to you as humanly possible – but you were quick to lock the thought away. Another roll of your hips to bury him deeper in your velvet walls, and his tip grazed the sweet spot deep inside of you, making you whimper with the bliss sizzling through your nerves, setting them ablaze one by one like sparklers on New Year’s Eve.

Another rut of your hips made him groan, and with a surprised gasp tearing from you, Loki’s hand slid from your waist to your butt and with a swift motion, he switched your positions, so it was you with your back on the ground and him hovering above you, settled between your thighs. His hand was still in your hair, cradling the back of your head so you didn’t hit the ground. Before you could utter a word, he slid back into you, and your back arched with the sensation.

Your legs locked around his waist to pull him closer, and for a few heartbeats, his lust-darkened gaze held yours, and a flash of something flitted over his handsome, flushed features as he bottomed out of you, only to bury himself back in your velvet walls with another thrust, drawing a string of moans from your lips as he hit the soft spot inside you again and your eyes fluttered shut with the overwhelming bliss flooding you. His lips found yours again, only to trace the line from the corner of your mouth to the racing pulse below your ear, and you cried out with pleasure as he softly bit into the sensitive skin of your neck, sucking at the sore skin. Marking you.

“Does this make you feel good?”, he rasped against your skin, and his hot breath felt like another caress as it fanned over your exposed skin and the sheen of sweat glistening there. Your hands shot up to rake through his raven hair, and the glossy curls gliding through your fingers felt as soft to the touch as you’d imagined they would be.

“Yes,” you whispered on a broken moan, and his tongue darted out to graze the spot his teeth had marked, making you writhe once more with the sensation of it, and the pace of his thrusts quickened.

“This is better than sparring,” you groaned, and he chuckled darkly against your neck before he retorted, his voice raw with lust, “You’re also better at this than you are at sparring.”

“Ass,” you hissed, and he snickered in reply.

“As you wish,” he purred, lips brushing the shell of your ear to elicit goosebumps along the column of your throat and you gasped as his hand left your waist to grab your butt and pull you closer, sliding deeper and hitting that soft spot once more, hard enough to send you toppling over the edge. With the force of a thunderstorm, your first climax crashed into you, making your muscles convulse and your walls clench around him as he kept thrusting into you, and your outcry of bliss reverberated from the bare walls of the training room as pleasure bolted through your body like a strike of lighting travelling through your every nerve to the very tips of your fingers clawing at his silky hair. Riding out your climax, you could feel Loki’s pace faltering, his breathing frantic against the crook of your neck as he chased his own high at the sensation of your throbbing walls, the arousal coating him, and you could feel him twitch inside you as he came – pulling you with him into a second orgasm, as forceful as the first one.

As he came down from his high alongside you, lazily riding it out, Loki nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent before he placed the softest of kisses to your skin. It was such an intimate gesture, a gesture which carried a gentleness reserved for real lovers, and the feeling it kindled in your chest was overwhelming. A warmth, as radiant as the morning sun. Not in your core – but in your heart.

You stayed like this for a few moments, and both your panting filled the silence as you took a moment to catch your breaths, until Loki pulled slightly away to look at you. All mischief was gone from Loki’s eyes, replaced instead by a sincerity and sadness you’d never seen him display before as he held your gaze and asked quietly, voice still hoarse with his arousal, “Why do you hate me so much?”

Your heart plummeted to the floor upon hearing the sorrow in his tone.  

You could have lied – for what was a lie to the God of Lies? But you couldn’t. So instead, you just gave him silence, watching him watch you, beautiful ocean eyes scanning your face for the answer you wouldn’t grant him.

“Never mind”, Loki finally said, and it sounded hollow, before he fully pulled away from you, leaving you as empty as you’d never felt before, a feeling of wrongness blooming in your belly – not at the things you’d just done with him, but the things you couldn’t help but feel you’d done to him with your reaction. In a flash of green, your pants were back on, as were his, no traces of the gashes of his blade, and he turned to leave when your voice rang out through the air, cutting through the heavy silence like a knife’s blade.

“Because if I didn’t hate you…I would love you.”

Loki froze in his tracks, his back to you, and for a few passing, anxiously racing heartbeats, you thought he’d just leave, that the vulnerability you’d just shown in telling the truth, letting your heart speak instead of the rational part of your mind which currently kept screaming at you, at your stupidness – he turned to face you.

The softness was back in his ocean eyes as they held yours, watching silently as you slowly climbed back to your feet. The same softness you’d seen spark earlier, before it had been quenched by your own sharp words. You want me. You want to fuck me. But you don’t love me. Spoken as if you didn’t care about his intentions whereas the harsh words had been dressed in bitterness and hurt at the assumption they could be the truth.

“And why would it be so bad to love me?”, Loki asked quietly. The mischievous, playful mask of the trickster had slipped, clattered to the ground at his feet like the discarded daggers of your fight. Right now, he wasn’t the God of Lies and Tricks. He was just Loki. You felt as if you saw him for the first time.

You swallowed against the lump which was forming in your throat. “Because I’m scared that you’ll hurt me.”

A few beats of silence as you watched each other, the distance between the two of you stretching until it felt as if he were an ocean apart instead of a few feet.

“Have you never wondered why I kept annoying you on purpose?”

“So you did it on purpose,” you replied, voice weak, but the smile which tugged at the corners of his mouth was brimming with sadness.

“If you couldn’t love me, I at least wanted to make you hate me. Hate is better than not mattering at all. You won, by the way,” he added while he averted his gaze, “I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”

The emptiness in your chest seemed to grow, a void fed by his words. You could tell they were the truth. And you finally acknowledged what you’d known all along: you didn’t want him to stay away. Not even for a second.

“What if I didn’t hate you, Loki?”, you timidly echoed his words from before, the confession you’d swiped away with your harsh reply, “What if it were quite the opposite?”

You’d begun to close the distance between the two of you while you spoke, and with every step you drew closer to him, you could see the sadness in Loki’s smile fuse into hope. He looked lost all of a sudden, unsure what to do or how to respond. He looked beautiful. His hair was still dishevelled from your hands combing through the strands in the heat of the moment, his cheeks a little flushed underneath the harsh artificial headlights. His eyes were wide, the darkness of arousal gone from them, and his gaze was gentle as he replied, “If you didn’t hate me, but the opposite, I would ask you to give me a chance. To let me prove that you can trust me.”

You’d come to stand in front of him, allowing the hatred you’d used to cover up the affection for him to peel off like dried paint, flake by flake, until the love you were starting to feel for him shone through with the brightest colours. It was way more beautiful like this, you realized.

Carefully, you reached out to take Loki’s hands. A gentle touch, contrasting the bruising kisses and rough touches you’d shared only moments ago.

“I know I’m not the most trustworthy person,” he whispered, “But please believe me that I would never hurt you, because…” He took a steadying breath, as if gathering all his courage before he continued with a soft whisper, “I’m in love with you.”

I love you, too, you wanted to say, but the onslaught of emotions at his confession made it impossible for you to form the words, leaving them stuck in your throat. It didn’t matter. There were so many opportunities to tell him in the future.

Instead of speaking a reply, you stood on your tip-toes to place a delicate kiss, sweet and gentle and as light as a feather, on his lips, before you pulled away and breathed, “Take care of my heart. It’s a fragile thing.”

“It’s safe with me,” he said softly, and the tenderness in his expression made your heart flutter. You knew Loki was telling the truth. And just like that, the coin had been flipped.

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#loki #loki x female reader #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki mcu #loki tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston loki #tom hiddleston #loki laufeyson x you #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson #loki smut

[helenazbmrskai]

Born This Way 1 (m)

Pairing – [Hybrid! Jikook x Fem! Reader]

Genre – [Hybrid AU, Smut]

Summary – [You can’t contain your excitement when your hybrids arrive. They’re finally yours and you show them how happy you are at your first session with them.]

Warnings – [Sensitive Topics are mentioned (!), sexual fantasies, nudity, bondage, exhibitionism, brief jikook moments, they like to watch each other while you go down on them, slight brat taming, brat sub! jungkook, good boy sub! jimin, dom! reader, they’re tied to their chairs facing each other, dirty talk, long foreplay, oral (m), handjob, blowjob, pet names, kisses]

Word Count – [4,1k]

Author note. This is my unfinished hybrid smut that has been sitting in my fic folder on my computer for at least a year so I decided to patch it up a little and publish it since I don’t think I’ll ever continue but at the same time, I wouldn’t want to delete it either. Edit. Yeah and one year later I publish part two, why do I always eat my words?

Menu: Masterlist l Be part of my permanent taglist to recieve a notification when I upload a new fic or send an ask!

⤷ Part of Animal Lovers Hybrid Collection l Read Born This Way 2 here!

You gently run your hands through the feline’s messy hair mindful not to scratch him with your long nails too hard. His blond strands are still wet from the shower as you curl a few longer hairs behind his human ears, you graze the tip of your nose along his neckline gently outlining his sensitive skin till you hear him inhale a shaky breath.

You feel how his muscles tense up under your touch but you don’t let that deter you when he smells just like your favourite body wash as you happily inhale his natural scent mixed with your favourite combination of shampoo and shower gel.

Pleased that they did all of your requests and used the products inside your bathroom you decide it’s best to start with a reward.

Since you had half the mind getting the rope and the two chairs ready in the centre while they were washing up there’s not much preparation you need to do, you had enough time to have everything prepared in advance. Their ears call out to you for a scratch or two.  

They try hard to seem unaffected by the submissive position you put them in but the tick in the bunny’s jaw and the cat’s anxious tail swishes tells you that they’re more nervous than they want to let you on. It won’t do. You like your hybrids relaxed and pouty under your hands so you change tactics.  Smiling, you scratch behind Jimin’s cat ears, your next move is to get into a comfortable position.

Finding your place easily by sitting on his lap admiring his muscular thighs as they tense up, a  natural response to your body’s weight resting on them. Cute. It’s clear that he likes your pets as his ears keep twitching due to contact but still tries to stop his instinct to purr as you massage behind his sensitive ears. The sound gets choked up in the back of his throat.

”I say let’s get this started boys.” Hearing your voice for the first time since you entered the room even though it sounds sweet in their ears – nothing like their previous owner’s bark of orders but still makes both males visibly tense up.

You have both of their hands tied behind their destined chairs, the rope around their wrists are not too tight to hurt them but not too loose to let them break free easily from its confines. Not that they would try. They know better than to disobey their new owner for the first few times at least until they learn what makes you tick, you’re not concerned by their obvious mindset. It’s a survival instinct that they adapted over the years.

You’re here to change a thing here and there anyway. Jungkook has a clear view of you sitting on Jimin’s lap that makes his lower lip caught between his teeth worrying the flesh and while they’re both naked you’re, still fully clothed.

The two chairs promptly facing the other. You wanted them to see when your attention is not on them since you will have to divide your focus between the two. It will put them at ease to know the other is not mistreated. Hybrids are not normally bashful and it seems like neither of them is embarrassed seeing the other naked which is a good thing as you expected some kind of awkwardness between them. It only shows how close they are to see such vulnerable sides of each other.

Changing your position to face Jungkook your back is pushed against Jimin’s chest with the motion you feel his erection poke you from behind, you didn’t think sitting on his lap will get him this excited but you’re not complaining it makes things a lot easier for you.

You didn’t have the time to take in the visual of his beautiful cock that stands at your attention but you bet it’s as pretty as the rest of him. You’re excited to have them both.

”I heard your previous owner was not treating you nice. I see some discolouration and half-healed bruises on both of your skins. Was she rough in bed?” While you wait for an answer, your arm finds Jimin’s hair again to keep yourself occupied, you resume your petting with your hand twisting backwards to reach him. You can’t contain the smile that stretches across your entire face when he leans into you, lowly purring without him realising his mistake. Observing Jungkook’s glare just makes things more exciting as he silently scolds the cat in his head. You like how their persona’s clash and blend differently.

You always thought they will make an interesting pair to experiment with. You know their previous owner personally that’s why you could get them before they eventually had to go back to the market, you’re by no means friends with her – merely acquaintances. You never liked how she treats her playthings so you just do the pleasantries with her and leave when you collide on events. You only associated yourself with her because you had your eyes on them for a long time.

”I asked a question.” You cross your hands in front of your chest feigning impatience by halting your pets, done waiting for their answer as the silence remains in the room except for their heavy breathing. Jimin chokes on a whine behind you, trying to keep up his front that he didn’t enjoy your touch just moments ago.

You decided to start with him because he looked easy enough to break with gentle touches.

He’s the key to earn Jungkook’s obedience too as the cat is more naive and trusting. His resolve is weaker while Jungkook seems to be a harder puzzle to solve. Harder means more fun. Every puzzle can be completed if you’re patient enough to try and fill the cracks with the right piece. It’s enough to look him once in the eye to know his weak spot though.

”Yes.” Jungkook answers but you reward Jimin with more pets when the bunny answers between gritted teeth. His eyes harden as you touch the cat hybrid, but Jimin’s head leans on your shoulder not looking at the angry bunny as he’s ready to give in while Jungkook grits his teeth harder clearly not pleased that Jimin stopped fighting your advances. He didn’t put up much of a fight in the first place that keeps him agitated.

”Do you like it rough?” You ask next. Jungkook only shrugs, not offering any more words while Jimin shakes his head on your shoulder firmly expressing no. You give Jimin’s knee a light squeeze smiling when he nuzzles into your neck in positive response moving your hair to the side with his face, you could already tell that by just looking at him that he likes gentle hands. He purrs louder with each delicate touch.  

Then his lip is directly on your jugular vein. You let him rub his cheek on your skin, let him freely scent you. He doesn’t move to plant a kiss on your neck where it meets your shoulder like you thought he would he just rests his head there in the juncture instead and takes long inhales to bask in your scent. You smell really nice.

”Who wants to go first?” You lick your lips, ready to start playing. You keep eye contact with Jungkook, knowing that he’ll volunteer, Jimin’s shy to claim the right to start but feeling his boner behind you, you know he probably wants to be the first.

It’s obvious how much Jungkook cares about the cat hybrid, that’s why he hates the former’s sudden submission to you. He sees right through you and there’s no point denying what you want. You don’t think that you’re a cruel person but you’re not a saint either. You want to have both of them and you’re going to proceed as such.

You stand up more to Jimin’s displeasure but you give his cheek a quick reassuring kiss before you walk over to Jungkook’s side. He keeps track of every movement of yours cautious when you grab both sides of the armrest and fix the angle making sure Jimin will see everything you’re about to do to him. His body tenses when your finger trails up the armrest of the chair, smiling widely as he keeps bracing himself for your touch that never comes too close to his exposed body.

”There’s only one rule today. You have to keep watching me, the one who looks away will be punished.”

There’s a twitch in the right corner of your lips that could be the closest to a smirk they have seen on your face tonight.

Jungkook thinks that you look like a fox under the sensual lighting, full of mischief as you kneel in front of him as if he’s going to be the last meal that you fully intend on savouring.

”W-What’s the punishment?” Jimin stutters but you catch his voice clearly and look behind you to find his eyes. His nervous fidgeting comes back at the mention of punishment that doesn’t go unnoticed by you so you’re quick to prove him wrong. Your punishment doesn’t involve physical abuse as they might think. You don’t roll like that.

”The punishment is cumming over and over again until I think it’s enough.” Jungkook snorts at that, you expected his attitude to be like this. It makes things more exciting while Jimin is plenty of exciting, you like the thrill that comes from a little disobedience. You know Jimin will be a good boy for you but with Jungkook, it will take some time to get there. You could feel your underwear dampen when you picture all the positions you want them in and you hardly started with them.

”Do you want me to start with your punishment bunny? If not I suggest you hold your tongue. The only sound I want to hear coming out of that pretty little mouth of yours is you moaning my name.” Your hand finds the back of his head and tug a little, your touch leaves him as soon as it came to see his reaction.

What a liar, despite his hard glare he looks painfully hard. You part his thighs to sit on one of them and face Jimin this time. Catching sight of the pearly white precum on his tip almost makes you weak in your knees but you refrain from licking it clean. He’ll give you a better reaction if you hold off a little. Building a little anticipation always pays off.

”Be patient and keep watching. I’ll know if you look away so don’t try to cheat. I’ll make Jungkook feel really good so I want you to tell me if he closes his eyes. Do you understand honey?” You wink playfully. He beams at the attention finally on him again as he nods fervently. Jimin licks his dry lips as he watches you perched on Jungkook’s thigh.

”Yes, mistress. I understand.” The reply comes very fast and with a pleased expression you turn around to give Jungkook all your attention. ”No need for formalities. Call me Y/N.”

You curl your fingers into the hairs at the back of his head tilting it upwards, you see his lips tense up thinking that you’re going to kiss him but your lips travel to his throat instead. You nip at the skin under his jaw, kissing down a trail to his collarbones. Leaving wet patches all across his skin, marking him up that he’ll smell your saliva even after days. There’s a low grunt escaping his lips when you nip at his skin playfully that makes you smile against his throat. He’s careful not to make too much noise so you treat every moan as a precious treasure from a precious boy.

You won’t kiss him on the lips because you know he’ll resist you if you try. It’s fine though, you’re patient and can wait for him to give in to you. You’re not going to do anything to him that he doesn’t want you to. This is a rule you set for yourself long ago.  

”How did she usually do it? Did she make you eat her out? She at least went down on her knees afterwards or just went straight to fucking? Can you answer me Jimin? As you see Jungkook is a bit occupied.”

Smirking when you see Jungkook’s chest rising and falling rapidly just after a few kisses, you can tell they’re not used to this kind of attention. You got Jimin hard just by sitting on his lap and kissing Jungkook’s neck for a few minutes. It already left them a breathless mess under you. You’re excited to see their faces once you finally get on your knees for them and take their dicks in your mouth.

”Yes, we ate her out and sometimes fingered her but she never touched us. We never came from fucking her either. She gave us pills to get hard and we would take care of ourselves after she finished.” What a selfish bastard. You make sure to keep your face blank while you listened. Keeping your angry remark for yourself.

”She fucked you separately or one of you were watching?” You ask your next set of questions immediately after you lick lower, reaching his abdomen with your kisses getting closer to his throbbing cock. He’s so big you’re eager to lick his velvety tip and taste his precum on your tongue.

”Separately.” You hum in acknowledgement getting up from his lap you walk to Jimin to give him a kiss as a reward for answering your questions, his mouth opens with a moan letting you taste him while your tongues hotly dance together in a messy open-mouthed kiss. It only lasts for a few more seconds before you withdraw placing both of your hands on his shoulders rubbing the firm skin there to soothe the ache in his muscles.

”You’re doing really good honey. I can reward you for your good boy behaviour or you can transfer my gift to Jungkook. Which one would you like?” Jungkook’s body is tense as he watches you with Jimin, the kiss you shared with him left Jungkook hot and bothered as he watched it with hawk eyes how Jimin desperately sucked your tongue in his mouth. You were so close to his dick, you know he wanted you to keep going but you had other plans.

Jimin thinks hard, he really wants the reward but then he remembers how Jungkook cared for him all the time, he deserved the reward too. Maybe if he keeps being your good boy he can get more rewards later, with the final thought of this he shakes his head. He’ll make sure to earn more rewards. There’s a cute determination on his face that makes you coo.

”Kook can have it.” Petting his ears you’re pleased with his answer, everything is going according to plan so far. Jungkook’s eyes widen when he hears the cat hybrid transferring his reward, he feels guilty that he gets it when he didn’t do anything but glare and grunt in your direction. Jungkook can see how Jimin leans into your touch when you rub his shoulders again, you do that a lot. You make Jimin comfortable. It’s something their previous owners never did.

You’re being gentle and Jimin clearly enjoys your touch. Jungkook wonders if this is really how you will treat them or you’ll eventually act out of character as things progress. He has to wait and find out.

This was your plan all along. To make him want to be your good boy too. A mischievous smile appears but soon vanishes when you kneel before Jungkook’s tied up body.

The bunny gulps, shivers run down his spine when you caress his inner thighs, your fingers are always gentle it messes with both male’s heads as they aren’t used to this delicate treatment. They’re waiting for you to snap. Jimin watches intently as you kiss Jungkook’s left thigh and move upwards with more pecks placed on his skin, not forgetting about your rule.

”The reward I prepared is that you can choose between two options and since it’s Jimin’s reward he’ll get to chose for you.” You lick your lips while you speak your whole body buzzes with excitement as you can’t wait to taste them properly. Jungkook can’t understand your eagerness, he thinks there’s no way you genuinely want to please them without gaining something from it.

”Option one is my hand and option two is my mouth. Which one is it Jiminie? You get to choose.” You sing-song happily.

”Which one is better?” Jimin asks, clearly not knowing how either of those feel he’s a little lost so you get up again, kneeling in front of Jimin this time. What a shame that no one made them feel good like this. You will make sure to make up for their lost time. You can allow this little distraction to happen. The poor boys are about to enter the gates of heaven.

”This is how my hand feels like.” You tell him, your moves are practised as you first collect his precum to smear it around his length not wasting time before you start stroking his cock slowly in up and down motions. His head is thrown back the minute your hand moves around his needy cock, more of his precum rolls off the tip as you tighten your grip around the base of his length and go faster. Jimin is very vocal about how your hand makes him feel, it turns you on. But it’s not his turn yet so you let go of his throbbing erection after he got a little taste of the pleasure and you watch as his dick slaps against his stomach.

”And this is my mouth.” You finish your sentence with a grin before you let the head of his cock enter your mouth, you take half of his length down your throat before you bob your head up and down sucking at the tip, you feel it throb between your lips while his melodious moans are filling up your room. Jungkook is mesmerised by the sight as Jimin bucks his hips up to chase your warm mouth.

”So which one is it?” You let his cock go with an audible pop it’s endearing how the lewd sound makes a blush spread across his cheeks.

You stand up waiting for him to collect his thoughts, he almost regrets transferring his reward after you showed him how good oral sex can feel but he shakes the thought away. Jungkook deserves it too and it felt so good, he just knows Jungkook will love it as much as he does.

”Y-Your mouth, it felt so good.” Jimin opens his eyes as soon as he remembers your rule so you let it slide this time, he looked so adorable whining and wiggling around. You’d happily give him his punishment but it’s too early for that.

You thought that you set an easy rule to follow for their first time with you but seeing how it’s their first time being touched as well it’s going to be hard for them to keep their eyes on you.

You can’t change the rules now though, they will think you’re willing to compromise to have their ways and you can’t have that happen.  

Accepting his answer you go back to Jungkook but not before you give Jimin another lingering kiss so he can taste himself on your tongue and whimper into your chaste kiss. He groans into your mouth loving how his precum is mixed with your own special taste. If it’s possible it riles him up even more as more of that delicious precum visibly rolls of his tip.

”Did you hear his moans bunny? He said it felt really good. You should thank him for transferring his reward, don’t you think?” Licking your lips that still has some of the cat hybrid’s precum on them Jungkook watches your tongue poke out and lick, you get on your knees what feels like the tenth time today but you’re not complaining as you make Jungkook spread his legs further apart so you can access his dick easily. His eyes are still on your mouth he wants to kiss you so bad but he’s too stubborn to ask.

”Thank you Jimin.” He surprisingly complies without being grumpy about it, looking at the other male, breathless as he speaks. You watch as Jimin’s face lights up like a Christmas tree when Jungkook thanks him, you momentarily grin, taking your place between the bunny’s legs now that you adjusted the angle watching as the cute scene unfolds in the middle of such a sexual situation. They’re precious. You’ll be good to them. There’s something about these hybrids that you couldn’t get out of your head from the first time you laid your eyes upon them.

Happy that he followed your order you decide that you won’t tease him any longer and get down to business. Licking a trail up his shaft you give his tip a gentle peck before lowering your mouth parting your lips so you can get more of him inside your mouth.

Accommodating his grith is harder than it was with Jimin’s cock inside your mouth but he doesn’t reach as far as Jimin did, it’s perfect. Jungkook’s cock will stretch you out nice while Jimin will reach your most sensitive spots, you can’t wait to have them both.

”Kook, you have to keep your eyes o-open.” Jimin warns the bunny and he opens his eyes in alarm not even realising that he closed them until the younger one called him out on it, his next mistake is looking down seeing your mouth full of his cock with his body humming with pleasure, your eyes met for a brief second and you decide to choose that moment to moan around him, he almost closes his eyes again seeing such a lewd sight. There’s determination behind his orbs you could see he fights with himself to keep his eyes open. He takes your order as a challenge, however, what he doesn’t know is that you like challenges too. You’re determined to make him moan and writhe under you as you take him in deep.

”Tell Jimin how it feels bunny or I’ll stop.” You use your hands to stroke his cock while you speak but as soon as the words are out you get back to taking him down your throat. His hips move without him realising gagging you with his big cock. Moans spill from his lips, loud and unrestrained but still not talking.

True to your words you pull away and let his cock painfully throb in your hands begging for your hot mouth.

”Tell him.” Your voice is taking a firmer tone than before. Hoping that it will prompt him to talk.

”It-ah, feels so good.” Pleased, you give him a small reward, following the thick vein up to the tip, smearing the precum all over his sensitive head.

”What else?”

You ask before licking the precum from the swollen tip. Giving him only a little pleasure to keep him at the edge but not enough to ease his frustration. He keeps his mouth shut with his eyebrows ceased he resist giving in to your wishes.

Jimin squirms in his chair needy as he watches your lips stretch around Jungkook’s cock forming a lazy smirk, he wants it to be him getting his dick sucked by you. Jimin would say anything to let him finish in your mouth, unlike Jungkook who still fights against your dominance.

”I wanted to be nice but I guess you won’t cum in my mouth what a shame really. I bet you would have tasted divine.” Your fingers trace patterns onto his knees as you watch him whine from getting deprived of your touch. You thought he will say something but he’s incredibly stubborn, you’re surprised how much self-control he has.

”Would you like to try too Jiminie? Will you cum in my mouth?” The boy in question nods his head moves quickly to say yes so you make your way over there. Jungkook has a hard time regaining his posture but when he feels your eyes on him his nose twitches immediately expecting some kind of punishment from disobeying you.

But instead, you simply say. ”Make sure Jimin has his eyes open ok? Can you do that bunny?”

#bts smut #jimin smut #jungkook smut #bts hybrid smut #bts hybrid au #sub bts #sub jimin #sub jungkook

[twstedstoryshop]

Can i request a scenario of Deuce in a Historical AU. I dont know if you read manhwas but the AU is kinda like those historical romance manhwa

[Wheezes as I crawl out from my hole, place this down, and crawl back into the pit] Did something different here by actually doing second person for a change. Just experimenting really! -Shopkeep

Convenient Marriage

Your marriage to Deuce Spade was one of convenience more than anything. A push from your family as the man had elevated in status the moment he stepped back into the Kingdom of Roses. Not as a lowly card soldier anymore but a Rose Knight, honored personally by his Royal Highness the king, Riddle. Rumor goes that he along with another man, Ace, were a couple of the young warriors that came back from their campaign against the ever encroaching threat of the Phantom Blot monsters and creatures. It was a successful campaign despite the many losses that came when hunting monsters. Perhaps enough to spare the seven kingdoms for half a year at most.

But back to your marriage. Originally, your relatives tried their best to set up a meeting between you and Ace, but the eager knight was quick to come back as a hero to a mysterious foreigner. You’ve seen them in passing sometimes, often accompanied by a strange feline at their side… So, the next big fish to try and snag was, of course, Deuce. You wouldn’t lie that your first meeting was one filled with nerves. A part of you really didn’t want to be wed this quickly once you became of age, but another part of you just wanted to get this over with so your family can get off your back.

You comforted yourself at least in the fact that Deuce should be around your age. Much better than some dying husk of an old duke or whatever. So there you were, waiting with poise and elegance at a table set in the garden of your family estate. Tea time was the most honored time in the Kingdom of Roses, so it would only make sense that the first meeting between possible marriage partners had to happen at such a time. Crisp white table cloth, a vase of freshly painted roses, the finest tea with complimenting tarts, the scene was set. Yet where was one of the key players?

15 minutes have passed since the promised time to meet. You can already hear your guardian’s annoyed chatter with one servant, asking where that “blasted knight” might be. Only for the servant to stutter out they had no idea. The chaos behind the scenes would come to a halt when you heard another servant call out, “He’s here! He’s here!” Much to the relief of everyone. You sighed to yourself, turned to the roses sitting in their place and reached a finger out to play with one of its petals. A bit of red paint stained your fingertip and you rubbed at it with your thumb. Thoughts swirled in your mind.

Was this Deuce some sort of haughty knight? Did he think himself too important to come to this meeting on time? If he had such a mindset, King Riddle would have his head, now wouldn’t he? So many ideas, so many thoughts to brace yourself for whatever was to come. But nothing could prepare you for what actually came.

“I’m so sorry!” By your side at a respectful distance, Deuce stood and bowed so deeply, his royal blue jacket nearly flopped over his head. Quickly he straightened back up with worry glistening in his eyes. “I should have been keeping a close eye on the hour, but I just– couldn’t figure out what to bring you as presents… Ah! But that’s not me trying to excuse myself though! I–”

You were so shocked by this whiplash of expectation. Here you were, expecting a pompous knight ready to upturn his nose at you, but instead you had this fumbling man trying his best to court you. You didn’t even register the apologies that tumbled from his mouth or how he tugged nervously at the cravat around his neck. You glanced back into your home, noticing your guardian and a number of servants gawking at a pile of boxed gifts that nearly towered over their forms. You looked back to Deuce whose red face contrasted brilliantly from his navy blue locks. He rubbed at his head, trying hard to remedy the predicament he was in. Would his prospective partner turn him down? Had he really blown his chance? One should never be late for tea and here he was, committing a grave offense to the Queen’s Rules, agh, if King Riddle saw him now…!

Deuce was brought out of his whirlwind thoughts though the moment a hand rested on shoulder and an amused smile graced him.

“Please, don’t strain yourself over me. You’ve done more than enough to try and impress me,” you reassured. 

Deuce’s stresses seemed to melt away at your words and a hopeful twinkle was caught in his brilliant green eyes. He almost looked like a pup that was thrown a treat. It was almost endearing to you.

“R-really?”

You nodded reassuringly. However something behind Deuce caught the corner of your eye. You hadn’t noticed until now but the entire time, Deuce had kept a hand behind himself and peeking out you saw a flash of blue.

“May I ask what you are hiding from me though, good sir?” You teased and Deuce stiffened immediately.

“Ah! Oh Seven, I didn’t mean to hide this. I was just nervous to show you this. I would have gotten you something more elegantly arranged, but we were rushing and I, well–” Slowly he produced the item and bundled in his hand was a collection of beautiful wild flowers of so many shapes, hues, and sizes. Obviously there was no sense of organization to the bouquet whatsoever, looking like something a child had thrown together to present to their first love. Yet in a way, it was so charming and whimsical. Each flower, though so different from one another, bloomed with pride, hoping to maybe charm you closer to their gifter.

“Where do you get all these?”

“I picked whatever beautiful flower I came across when I rushed here,” he admitted sheepishly.

You blinked owlishly at him before erupting in a fit of sincere laughter. How tickled you were! More and more Deuce Spade subverted your expectations and your curiosity grew deeper. You’d be a fool to let this man slip between your fingers. No longer was this about family expectations, no, this was something you wanted for yourself. Who was this bumbling, yet gentle knight? What was so special about him that King Riddle himself knighted him? You wanted to know everything about this wonderful man and you would take the plunge.

From the flowers that bundled in your arms, you picked out a gentle blue daisy and boldly tucked it right behind Deuce’s ear.He was caught off guard by the gentle gesture. He next looked at you with wide, fluttering eyes, unsure of what this meant.

“Sir Spade, I won’t lie, I’m quite charmed by you and I hope I have been pleasant company myself despite our quick introduction. But I’ll get right to the point, see, I would not mind it if you asked me to be your spouse right here and now.”

At that, Deuce nearly choked on his own breath and his cheeks erupted with heat. “A-are you certain? I can still court you for a bit longer!”

You stepped closer yet Deuce made no move to back away. He only looked at you, captivated by your gaze. “Even though you have already charmed me so quickly? Unless, maybe there is something you do not like about me, boo-hoo~” You mock-wept, so obviously an act yet Deuce scrambled to right his wrong.

“No, no! You are a very lovely person, I just didn’t want to come off as too greedy or anything!”

“Ah, you think I'm lovely?” You chuckled and Deuce slacked a bit in defeat, realizing your little scheme.

“You are… Rather mischievous, huh?”

“But my good knight, it is only natural when we live in the Rose Kingdom, a country once founded on trickery and madness,” you giggled with a smile that could rival a Cheshire Cat.

A marriage of convenience? Maybe at first! Yet in time, you would soon come to realize that blue paint was a much lovelier color to paint your garden with. After all, it was the proud symbol of your darling husband.

#lovelygrimoire #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios #twst imagines #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #deuce x reader #deuce spade x reader #deuce spade

[foli-vora]

long nights

a ‘more than words’ universe oneshot

frankie morales x f!reader

A/N: MORE THAN WORDS UNIVERSE IS BACK, BABY. MTW was my first series, and I adored it, so I’m going back for a few oneshots. Can you believe it’s almost been a year since this series started? My god! Anyways, enjoy!

Taglist note: I’ve used my MTW taglist but if you are no longer interested, just let me know and I’ll remove you from any future fics 🥰  as this is an old list, some names have changed/don’t work, and new tag requests are not added so I’m sorry for that!

Summary: Set after the events in the diner from pt.9. There’s a lot of things that need to be said, and a lot of missed time to make up for.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: a bit angsty, super fluffy, so much love for this man, swearing, SPICY SPICE 18+ dry humping

read ‘more than words’ here

———

If someone had told you you’d be wandering around IKEA next to the man you’d been miserable over a week ago, you probably would’ve laughed right in their face. Laughed loudly, wildly, hysterically even, and then probably would have promptly fallen into tears… but crying was the last thing on your mind right now, especially with Frankie smiling so sweetly at you from across the aisle.

You owed Benny.

Again.

It was that first date all over again.

God, how quickly the butterflies had returned.

The tremble in your hands didn’t stop during the entire drive from the diner, your heart hadn’t stopped its solid hurried thump against your chest with every little curl of his lips.

Frankie had been quick to offer you help in place of Benny, seeing as he was now off doing god knows what after crafting that little… whatever the hell that was back at the diner with Will and Pope.

Despite the flood of delight that washed through you, you worried that he was only offering out of politeness rather than an actual desire to spend more time with you.

“Oh, you don’t have to.” You had immediately said while following him out of the diner, feeling even more awful after he had paid for both yours and Benny’s breakfast. “Really Frankie -”

He had turned to you, hands diving into the front pockets of his jeans. “I can’t leave you here with no way of getting home. Besides, I want to. I’ve… I’ve missed you.”

His words hit you hard, mainly because you had missed him too - so fucking much, but in your moment of soaking up his words, heart thundering away in your chest, you had missed your opportunity to return them. You didn’t miss the slight slackening of his shoulders, those beautiful brown eyes falling to the floor with a wave of disappointment at your silence, and you’d kicked yourself the entire walk to his truck.

You’d been looking for an opportunity to bring it up ever since, holding back the temptation to all but scream how much you had missed him, how much of a mistake you had made calling your relationship off all that time ago and how glad you were to be in his company again.

“Do I need martini glasses?” You hum in thought, lips pursing as you glance over the shelf of glassware.

You feel a presence step up behind you, and your heart does that damn little flutter when an arm brushes past your shoulder to pluck one of the glasses from the shelf. You half turn, watching Frankie inspect the glass with a warmth building along your cheeks. He was closer than you thought.

It’s obvious that you want them, and he fights the grin threatening to break along his lips as you wrestle with yourself. He tentatively steps closer, keeping an eye on your body language to ensure he wasn’t making you uncomfortable or pushing his luck.

“Everyone needs martini glasses.”

Your smile widens, eyes flicking over his face now that he was only just behind your shoulder, body brushing along yours. “Yeah?”

He nods, the playful shine in his eyes clashing with the serious purse of his lips. “Oh absolutely. They’re a household staple. I can’t believe you don’t have any.”

“Well, it sounds like I absolutely do need them.” You return solemnly, playing along while fighting the twitch of your lips. “Thank you for your assistance, Mr Morales.”

“You’re very welcome, ma’am.” His serious façade cracks into a grin, a quiet chuckle following which you quickly join with one of your own. 

You feel warm, and you wonder whether it’s from being so close to him or the way his eyes shine when he looks at you. The words come tumbling out before you even realise.

They’re quiet, spoken so softly they’re almost drowned out by the surrounding sounds of shoppers, but he hears you. Loud and clear.

“I missed you.”

His throat bobs with his swallow, features softening.

“A lot. I-I’m so sorry, Frankie. For everything. I—”

“Don’t.” He speaks just as softly. “You don’t need to apologise for anything.”

And you didn’t. He held no resentment whatsoever. There wasn’t a single part of him that felt bitter with what happened or the way things turned out. He knew from the beginning that dating one of Benny’s friends could turn ugly, and sure enough - it did, but what happened was in the past now. There was no point losing even more sleep over it. He had no regrets, and he understood completely why you did what you did. 

He was just happy to be around you again. It felt like nothing had happened, like no time had passed. He relished in the familiar wave of nerves whenever your eyes would land on him, becoming practically giddy over the way you would look away with an air of shyness whenever he’d catch you looking at him.

You swallow nervously, wondering if the next thing you say will make him run - you wouldn’t blame him. You take the chance though, hoping he feels even the slightest bit the same as you.

“I’m really happy you’re here.”

Warmth rushes over your skin when he meets your gaze and holds it steady. Fingers brush along your cheek and you inhale shakily, sparks following wherever his touch lands and you can’t help but turn into his caress, lips curling shyly.

“Me too.”

---

“Okay, I spent too much.” You note dryly, watching Frankie bring the last of your purchases for the day through the door as you shrug your jacket off.

Your coffee table was moved in favour of laying down the flat pack of your new bookcase. Plants, both live and artificial alike, crowd the top of your dining table, along with packs of new candles and frames for pictures. The box in his arms carried your new glassware and random kitchen bits and bobs you had thrown in the cart on a whim, and you worry your lip between your teeth. Perhaps a little overboard.

Frankie laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners as the deep sound of it fills your apartment and it brings an automatic smile to your face.

“You only live once,” he grins, brushing past you to carry your new items to the kitchen.

He sets the box quietly on the counter, body thrumming from the high of being with you all afternoon. He acknowledges your call of not worrying about unpacking, and spins to return to you when something catches his eye, pausing him in his tracks and ridding his mind of every thought with a quick swipe.

He blinks in surprise, feet moving on their own accord as they step closer to the fridge door, his eyes flicking over the photo of the two of you with a heavy wave of nostalgic tenderness. 

You never took it down? In all the time you were apart?

He feels a lot less stupid for leaving you as his phone wallpaper now—he was never quite ready to say goodbye to it, even if it did cut him a little deeper each and every time he unlocked the damn thing. To see that you were somewhat on the same page as him during your time apart, it had his heart beating just that little bit harder against his chest.

His fingers rise, skimming lightly over the Polaroid before he lets his hand drop, a smile curling the edges of his lips before he turns and leaves the kitchen. 

You’re fussing over your plants when he walks back out, and he takes a short moment to observe you, stomach flipping. God, he’s missed you.

“Did… did you want some help with that?”

He’s looking for excuses to hang around, pulling at whatever little leads he could in the hopes of staying in your company for a little longer, and he desperately hopes it’s not completely obvious.

Shit, does he look desperate right now?

You straighten from smoothing a thumb over a leaf of one of your new additions, watching him shift on the spot. You’re perfectly capable of putting together a flat pack, but you smile at the offer and nod, delighted that he doesn’t want to just high tail it out of your apartment.

“That would be really nice, Frankie, if you can spare the time, though. Mena—”

“She’s with her grandparents. They won’t mind the extra time.”

“Oh, groovy.”

You fight the urge to slap yourself. ‘Groovy’?

Shit.

“Um, shall I order some food? If you’re hungry, that is. I mean, I don’t want to assume you’re going to want to stay for dinner or anything—but you’re more than welcome to! If you want. Uh, do… d-did you want—”

He fights the grin pulling at his lips as he watches you flounder.

“Food will be great.”

---

“C?”

You glance at the pieces spread across the floor and reach for the requested piece, sipping at your drink as you do.

“This is so much quicker. I usually just spend a night with a bottle of wine—it gets done eventually. That, or I call Benny and he spends hours refusing to read the instructions like a little brat.”

“Yeah that sounds like baby Miller.” Frankie grins, reaching for his beer and taking in a mouthful. He shrugs, replacing the beer in his grip with the screwdriver and plucking a screw from your neatly organised piles. “Well if you ever need help again, just give me a call—I’m happy to help.”

“I will. Thank you, Frankie.”

He looks up at you, his smile so damn warm and tender it has your heart thundering against your ribs. Heat floods along your chest and your gaze drops shyly, focusing on the slow circles your finger makes around the rim of your glass.

“I meant what I said,” you murmur, eyes finding him from under your lashes. “I’m really happy you’re here. I thought—I thought for sure you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”

Still do, if you were being honest with yourself. A part of you worries that after this, after today, he’ll remember the heartache and realise you’re not worth it—not that you could blame him. You broke the poor guy's heart, after all. 

Frankie sees your insecurity from a mile away, and discards his work to the side, immediately shifting closer and reaching for your face, his fingers pinching your chin to force your gaze to meet his. He waits until you’re looking at him to speak, the tug at the corner of his lips growing.

“And I’m happy to be here,” his thumb runs over the skin beneath your lips, “you have no idea. I’ve been wanting to call, but I wasn’t sure what you wanted. If I had known, I would’ve come crawling a lot sooner.”

The sincerity in his playful words brings a certain calmness over you, a gentle reassurance to soothe the sting of worry. You hand moves to hold his forearm, eyes fluttering at the familiar feel of his rough fingertips along your skin. They move, tracing up and along your cheek, smoothing back and forward until his hand cups beneath your ear. Your heart suddenly feels like it’s thumping in your throat.

His voice is rough, hoarse, and it settles low and hot in your stomach.  “Can I -”

“God please,” you plead quietly.

He moves instantly, lips firmly slotting against yours and dragging a low noise from your throat. You revel in the feel of his moustache rubbing along your skin, familiar and comforting despite the time that had passed. It takes only a moment for the tension to boil over, the still present tang of distance and heartache pushing you both closer, mouths becoming rushed and sloppy as you race to relive the feel of him.

Frankie mirrors your thoughts, mind blanking with a hazy whirl the second your tongue slides along his. He vaguely hears a glass tipping, but ultimately decides he couldn’t care less when you push forward, swinging a leg over his thighs and perching yourself firmly on his lap.

He doesn’t know where to place his hands. They roam everywhere; gripping at your hips, sliding up your sides, and smoothing over your back before starting the whole circuit over again. He can’t get enough of you, not after enduring the loss of you for so long.

You arch into him, your own hands running along his broad shoulders and tangling in the long curls at the nape of his neck, tugging when his teeth nip softly at your lower lip. He groans quietly and you fight the sly little smirk threatening to pull at your lips - he still likes that.

“Fuck.” His hands clasp your face, palms so hot against your cheeks. “Shouldn’t we take this slow?”

Nodding fervently, your hands clasp at his shoulders, desperate to keep up with the pace of his lips working against yours. “That’s probably a good idea.”

“I just—fuck. I can’t stop. I missed you,” he murmurs into your mouth, hands flying to cradle your head as he rolls to the side, mindful of the surrounding pieces of flatpack, tucking you beneath him and resting heavily into you. He should probably stop - everything was still so fresh, you both still had some things to talk about…

…but he just can’t. His heart beats wildly in his chest with every little whine that falls from your lips, the buzz growing along his spine strengthening with the feel of your hands moving through his hair. He’s fucking missed this, missed you - 

You welcome the weight of him, spreading your thighs to allow him to settle fully against you while his lips move away and down your jaw, giving you a chance to catch your breath. The pressure of his hips against yours stokes a vicious curdling of heat in your core which only triples when he shifts, rough jeans dragging along yours and catching you at just the right angle over your clit.

He goes feral when you moan, mouth moving back to clash hungrily against yours and hips rolling again, harder and with a more focused purpose, his quickly hardening cock throbbing with the noise that flows from your throat. He does it again, and again, coaxed on by the sweet sounds falling from lips and melting into his mouth.

You still drive him fucking crazy.

“God Frankie… you feel so good,” you breathe out, words sinking into his ears with a heavenly curl. You feel the shudder in his shoulders, the falter in his hips.

He wants to give it to you - he wants to give it all to you - but something tugs at the back of his mind and he forces his hips to stop, his face falling into the curve of your neck. He can’t let this be how you get back together - dry humping on the floor like fucking teenagers.

There were still some things to talk about. He wanted to talk to Benny, needed to implement some effective communication channels to save any further tantrums if this was really all coming together again… he’ll be damned to let anything happen like that this time around. 

His words are muffled, his lips pressed up against your skin, “Not like this.”

You murmur a quiet ‘okay’, your lips pressing gently to his forehead. Despite the raging flow of arousal practically demanding to be addressed, you agree with him wholeheartedly. Everything was still up in the air, so fresh and new, and you didn’t want to go pushing things too hard too fast. You didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardise the prospect of getting back together.

“I think I should go.” He breathes, chest still heaving against your hands.

You nod in agreement, tongue running along your lip as you try to gain a hold of your own breath. “Probably for the best.”

He pulls away, fingers moving to trace the side of your face. “Can I call you?”

Unable to fight the little grin pulling at your lips, you nod eagerly. He smiles in return, leaning down to press a softer, more tender kiss to your lips before pulling away from you completely. You take the hand he holds out to you, standing on shaky legs and eyeing the spill from your knocked over glass.

“I can’t believe we just humped on my floor.”

He snorts in amusement, shrugging his jacket on with a playful grin. “It was about to be a lot more than that.”

You giggle, arms winding around his torso when he steps closer to embrace you. His nose buries into your hair, inhaling the familiar scent of your shampoo and sighing in satisfaction.  You do the same, nuzzling into his chest and relishing in the butterflies that are born just from his cologne.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he mutters softly, “okay?”

“Yes,” you hum, smiling like a damn idiot. “Drive safe, Francisco.”

He sighs sharply, his hold tightening around you. “I’ll take you on this fucking floor, woman. Don’t test me.”

Your cheeks ache, smile wide as he steps away and opens your front door. He pauses to turn around, dark eyes shining as he takes a moment to look at you before he smiles, fully content, and then the door closes softly. You watch him walk to the elevator through your peephole, heart fluttering away in your chest.

-

Tags: @anu-simps @seasonschange-butpeopledont @withasideofmeg @you-got-me-starry-eyed @mouthymandalorianalso @wyn-n-tonic @intu-witch-tion @amneris21 @mad-girl-without-a-box @pinguinstudiert @sergeantbannerbarnes @betterthanbucky @kat-r-in @starlightmornings @randomness501 @antisocialthat70sshow @buttercup–bee @sleep-tight1 @spideysimpossiblegirl @greeneyedblondie44 @hope-for-the-best-98 @bunniwarrior @fangirl-316 @acourtofsnakes @leaiorganas @princess76179 @mamacitapascal @redriots @lv7867 @doin-stuff @magpie-to-the-morning @pedritoispunk @lestradeslover @missminkylove @simsiddy @christina-loves @pedro4ever @readsalot73 @dihra-vesa @juletheghoul-main @emilykjh @peterhollandkait @sara-alonso @starlightsearches @bookishofalder @empress-palpat1ne @shadowolf993 @rosiefridayrogersunday @canyonmirrors @eoz-stuff @blackonemasie @layniapetrovnaaa @alberta-sunrise @goldielocks2004 @linkpk88 @afootnoteinyourhappiness @busycryin @hailmaryyramliah @kesskirata @blueeyesatnight @a-perfct-stranger @melaniermblt @dragcn-queen @gracie7209 @mrsparknuts @janebby @littlebopper96 @wardenparker @brandyllyn @littlemissoblivious @a-skov @mandorush @stargazingcarol @charnelhouse @mustbeaweasleyginger @sherala007 @absurdthirst @casssiopeia @pedritobalmando @the-witty-pen-name @pintsizemama @clydesducktape @bison-writes @andruxx @missredherring @strawberryperegrine @alwritey-aphrodite @itssmashedavo @asta-lily @rebellou @radioastronaut @klaine-92 @irredeemablecvnt @nakhudanyx @elegantduckturtle @rangeofshrimpcolours @dazedrhapsody @lavbeeros @sarahjkl82-blog @misswriter @hellovanessax @evildxad @bitchylittleredhead @skvatnavle @lorosette @januarystears @sberumenm @thou-creature-of-the-deep @carbonated-beverage @vghz82 @ericasabe @tintinn16 @originallaura @thewintersoldierswife​ @giggly-otter​ @faithkeeper-81​ @retrxbarnes @tanzthompson​ @theanothersherlockian​ @dinoswierdmom​ @beskar-candy​ @cannedsoupsucks​ @jettia​ @taylorxargentina​ @luxmundee​ @ew-erin​ @its--fandom--darling​ @fastandfeminist

#frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x f!reader #frankie morales x you #Frankie Morales #francisco morales x you #francisco morales x reader #francisco morales x f!reader #francisco morales #pedro pascal x reader #triple frontier fic

[allyouneedisbuck]

i’m begging for you (take my hand)

this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that. 

by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.

summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]

words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)

warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)

notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading! 

if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.” 

The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt. 

You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night. 

“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out. 

You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle. 

Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed. 

Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky. 

He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access. 

It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck. 

“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick. 

You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.

You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.

You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.

“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.

You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”

Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.

“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.

You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease. 

Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”

》•

Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.

“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.

She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”

You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.

“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.

She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?” 

You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

You take a deep breath before launching into the story. 

His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. 

You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile. 

You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”

“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools. 

Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” 

You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take. 

His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”

You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly. 

It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him. 

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?” 

“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks. 

You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically. 

Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.” 

“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh.  “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”

You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks. 

The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.” 

You laugh softly. “Yes please.” 

》

Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock. 

“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys. 

Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows. 

He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.” 

He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.

You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened. 

“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room. 

The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed. 

You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.” 

“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly. 

You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.” 

He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing. 

Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.” 

Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?” 

He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol. 

“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake. 

You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.” 

He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest. 

Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet. 

You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.  

“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.  

“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face. 

He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.” 

Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.” 

Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs. 

You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. 

He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple. 

You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined. 

But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed. 

》•

She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room. 

Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.” 

You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse. 

You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to. 

“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.” 

You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease. 

“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.” 

You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over. 

“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod. 

“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass. 

Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes. 

You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.” 

The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?” 

You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in. 

You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing. 

For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.

》•

Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you. 

“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve. 

“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you. 

Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.” 

Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you. 

“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence. 

Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.

Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear. 

He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.

Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.” 

“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.” 

Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?” 

“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart. 

“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you. 

He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve. 

》

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver. 

“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile. 

You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.

Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge. 

You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ” 

You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?” 

Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night. 

Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”

You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence. 

“What’s up?” He asks with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.” 

“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior. 

Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink. 

“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go. 

You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.

“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you. 

You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure. 

You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors. 

He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.” 

Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.

You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.” 

You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers. 

Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.

He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-

His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you. 

You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand. 

“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.

Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”

You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.” 

“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. 

You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head. 

“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.” 

“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this. 

He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.” 

You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?” 

“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“

“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.” 

“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either. 

Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be. 

And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.” 

Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket. 

“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.” 

》

“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple. 

He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way. 

You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile. 

“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur. 

You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him. 

“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.” 

You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“ 

“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.

“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle. 

“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”

“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.” 

“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up. 

Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger. 

“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good. 

He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.

“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.” 

Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get. 

“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.” 

He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you. 

“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”

You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him. 

“Still want you to fuck me though.”

》•

Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together. 

But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened. 

So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot. 

Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.

He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.

“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.” 

Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously. 

“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”

Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships. 

“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.” 

“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.” 

“I’m not-”

“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”

》

His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you. 

Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly. 

You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch. 

When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back. 

“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea. 

You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.” 

Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up. 

“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point. 

You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you. 

You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.” 

“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand. 

It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.

Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.

You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own. 

》•

Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.

It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years. 

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.

He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”

Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”

“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.

“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.

“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”

He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”

You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.

》•

Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him. 

Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.

The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.

There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.

You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater. 

Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable. 

It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him. 

》•

It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact. 

Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.

There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene. 

If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.

“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”

Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.

“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.

Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.

“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.

“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.

“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.

He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.

“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.

Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.

That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him. 

Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.” 

“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”

“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?” 

Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?” 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.” 

“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.” 

“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him. 

Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face. 

“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”

“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads. 

“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”

Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away. 

》

Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders. 

“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?

You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”

Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”

You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.” 

Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen. 

“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”

“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.” 

You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”

Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”

“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.” 

You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“

“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”

》

Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there. 

You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.

You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture. 

Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh. 

“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”

Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine? 

“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?” 

Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance. 

“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly. 

“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you. 

He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“

You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life. 

It’s his roommate coming back home. 

Just like you had promised. 

》•

Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work. 

You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning. 

Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together. 

But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him. 

It’ll work. It has to work. 

》

Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.

Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth. 

“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile. 

“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.

You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.” 

“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.” 

You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.” 

He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“ 

“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.

You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.

“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.

You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”

Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.

“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.

Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.

“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.

He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”

He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”

“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then? 

You know why. 

You ignore it.

》

Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.

“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.

Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.

When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.

“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.

Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?

》

You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.

You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.

You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.

“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.

His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”

Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.

Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.

It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“

There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.

You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.

Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.

When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.

You were moving on. It would get better.

》•

Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.

Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too? 

He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing. 

I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?

Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?

That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.

He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone. 

He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”

“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.

“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…” 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her. 

“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.

“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.

“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends. 

“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. “I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“ 

“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly. 

“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?” 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.” 

“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.” 

Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness. 

“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.” 

Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.” 

There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently. 

“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up. 

Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.

Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you? 

“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open. 

He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.

He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?

He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.

But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.

》•

“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”

Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”

You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.

Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.

You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.

Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.

When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.

You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.

You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.

You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.

》

It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.

Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.

Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.

Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.

He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.

So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.

》

You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.

Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth. 

And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.

He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.

That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.

Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.

“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.

You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.

You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.

He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.

“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”

He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.

Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”

Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.

This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.

“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.

Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.

You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.

“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.

The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.

It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.

It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.

Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.

So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?

“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.

You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”

“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.

You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.

You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.

It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.

Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.

“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.

“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”

You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.

“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.

It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.

Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.

“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.

“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”

Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.

When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”

The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.

He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.

You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.

“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.

》

“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”

Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.

“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.

He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?

Maybe. As friends, of course.

Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.

I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)

Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you. 

The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time. 

You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch. 

You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.

You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.

“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you. 

Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.

The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.

Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you? 

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve? 

“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims. 

“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“ 

“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form. 

The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”

Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.

“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.

“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”

You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.

Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.

He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.

Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.

He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do. 

Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time? 

》

You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.

And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.

A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?

You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.

“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.

His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.

“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“

“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”

You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.

“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”

You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”

“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“

“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“

“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“

“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.

“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”

“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

You look over at him. “Prove it.”

》

Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour. 

“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.

Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”

Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”

Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”

Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”

Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.

“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”

》

Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it. 

You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve. 

You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.  

That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep. 

That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.

His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths. 

“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”

Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly. 

Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.

He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.

A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.

the best lovers start as friends.

“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.” 

Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest. 

“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist. 

“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head. 

Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake. 

“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?” 

You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his. 

“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him. 

You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up. 

“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”

You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.

You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.

His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.

“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”

He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.

You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.

Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.

“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.

“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”

It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.” 

Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you. 

There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you. 

“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement. 

“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace. 

“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear. 

When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair. 

Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs.  He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.

You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted. 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it! 

my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes oneshot #steve rogers #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction

[itllsetyoufree]

“Does this help?” + kara being injured

All things considered, Lena’s Saturday has been startlingly unremarkable so far. The sun is shining, she’d had her usual cup of yogurt with sliced bananas for breakfast, she hasn’t gotten a single off-hours weekend call from work, and she’d even had time to read the Cooking section in the National City Tribune. The biggest thing on her calendar for the day is her weekly movie night with Kara, which she’d been quietly looking forward to since Kara had left her apartment after their movie night the week before.

There was a time in Lena’s life where the easy, almost leisurely flow of her day would have been alarmingly, disarmingly suspect. But with no attempts on her life and L-Corp running smoothly for the last year or so, Lena’s life has settled into something more… quiet. 

And on any other day, it might have continued that way. 

Because noxious gas-breathing, nine-legged alien dragons aren’t typically her problem.

She gets the notification on her phone, of course:

Emergency Alert: Rogue Alien Attacking National City Waterfront— alien is violent and unrestrained, exhales unidentified purple gas. Residents urged to remain indoors and to close all windows.

Lena sighs, rolling her neck to the side and grabbing her phone as she lifts herself off her couch to close her balcony door. Despite having a near-panoramic view of the water, Lena’s apartment is on the other side of town from the docks, but she winds her way around her apartment anyway and closes all of her windows just in case. She’s just shutting the last one when she fires off a text to Kara, telling her to stay inside and to not come over until the alien is taken care of, and don’t even think about going down to the docks to report on it, Kara, I know CatCo doesn’t have gas masks on hand.

She gets a single thumbs up in response, an unusually terse reply from Kara, who never sends one text message when three will do, but Lena doesn’t think much of it and just settles back down on the couch to flip on the news. 

She watches live as the alien positively obliterates several of National City’s piers with three of its arms. The video feed shows people diving out of the way as wet, splintered wood flies in every direction. The esplanade is littered with debris as the alien rears up again, swinging its tail against the surface of the bay and spraying rolling waves of water onto the shore. 

Lena blows out a heavy breath as she watches the destruction unfold before reaching out for her phone again. She’s just hitting send on an email to Jess, telling her to donate funds to the city to rebuild the docks, when the unmitigated panic on screen abruptly stops. 

She sits up straight on the couch as she watches the dragon puff out a billowing cloud of purple smoke. It unfurls along the embankment and the remaining parts of the boardwalk, and slowly engulfs the small crowd of people fleeing the waterfront and the remaining stragglers on the shoreline.

Lena watches, mouth parting in shock, as they all stop running en masse and slow to a halt. The newsfeed goes silent as the crowd stops screaming, even the newscaster losing his breath as everyone stands still, lolling around on their feet as if held up by rubber and not muscle, before they all calmly sink down to the ground and lay down. 

The sweeping shot of everyone resting on the ground seems to spur the news anchor back to life, and he resumes narrating wildly, jabbering and speculating like an auctioneer calling the Superbowl. 

The dragon stops destroying more of the docks to huff out another cloud of smoke at a helicopter nearby. Lena sucks in a breath as the helicopter wobbles in the air over the people on the ground, but it just floats softly down, landing gentle as a feather on the nearest open patch of grass. Lena pinches her eyebrows together, bewildered, but before she can think too much on it, there’s a red and blue streak zooming into the frame. 

Supergirl pulls up behind the dragon, and Lena only has a second to admire the sun glinting off her hair before Supergirl grabs the alien by one of its legs and flings it out toward the sea. 

From there it’s a whirlwind. Supergirl and the alien lunge and splash and swing at each other at a dizzying speed, spinning in the air and dragging each other under the water. The camera holds steady on them for several minutes until one final breathtaking moment. Both Supergirl and the alien breach out of the water and whirl to face one another. Supergirl’s eyes glow for a split second before her heat vision activates and scorches across the dragon’s abdomen. It crashes back to the water with a roar, but just before it sinks beneath the surface, it huffs out one final breath of smoke. 

It catches Supergirl visibly off-guard as she recovers from the fight, gasping for air just as it engulfs her. The newscaster goes silent once more, watching as Supergirl seems to go loose mid-air. She sways a little, drifting in the wind, a glassy, confused look on her face. Lena’s reaching for her phone, ready to call Alex to see if she can help, when Supergirl shakes her head and starts to fly, slowly and unsteadily, away from the scene. 

The newscaster and Lena heave a simultaneous sigh of relief, and Lena lets her phone drop back down to the couch. The news switches back to coverage of the dazed, lethargic people on the shore who seem confused but otherwise unharmed. Lena’s just relaxing back into the cushions, half a mind to open her windows back up to let in the breeze, when she catches movement out of the corner of her eye. 

She turns, watching as Supergirl floats shakily toward her balcony. 

When Supergirl lands, it’s with none of the elegance or athleticism Lena’s come to associate with her. There’s no graceful descent, no landing delicately on one pointed foot or shooting down from the sky to stop on a dime just before she hits the ground. Supergirl drifts closer and closer to her building, one foot outstretched as she reaches Lena’s balcony, but her foot catches on the top of the railing, and she topples over it, hands splayed out to catch herself. She spills over the banister and lands on her chest, legs arching up behind her and feet still hooked over the railing. She looks up at Lena through the glass window, eyes half glazed over and unfocused as her cape slides up the slope of her back to pool at the back of her neck. 

The sight of her, glassy and dazed and draped over her railing like a wet towel spurs Lena into action. She throws the balcony door open and rushes over, dropping to her knees and reaching out to run her hands down the length of Supergirl’s arms, cupping her cheeks and tilting her head to either side to look for bruises. 

“Supergirl! Are you hurt? Can you stand? Come, let’s get you to the DEO.” 

“Hi.” 

Lena stills, pausing her frantic checking of Supergirl’s pulse to actually take stock of the situation. 

Supergirl, seemingly unconcerned by her chin pressing into the concrete or being curled backwards over herself, blinks up at Lena. She looks untroubled, calm, her hair and suit still damp from the water but otherwise right as rain, but the expression on her face is… vacant. Her eyes are glossy, just slightly unfocused, mouth parted as she looks up at Lena. She looks open, unguarded, and completely unaware, and Lena recalibrates. 

“Supergirl, do you know where you are?”

“Your balcony.”

“And do you know who I am?”

“Lena.”

“Does anything hurt?”

“No.” 

“Can you untangle your feet so we can get you up?”

“Oh,” Supergirl remarks, like she hadn’t noticed her feet weren’t under her. She tries to twist around to look over her back at her feet, and she shuffles a little, unhooking the toes of her boots and falling fully onto the stone floor. 

Lena tsks and instinctually reaches out again, grabbing hold of Supergirl’s shoulders and helping her move until she’s sitting upright, propped against the balcony railing. Supergirl leans back against it, blinking slowly and looking blankly around, and Lena finds herself itching for the phone she left in the living room but unwilling to leave the woman in front of her while she’s so vulnerable. 

It isn’t like she hasn’t dealt with an incapacitated Supergirl before. Lena’s saved Supergirl from more than a handful of scrapes in the past couple years, but never like this, never while she was conscious, never while she seemed loopy and almost childlike. It’s easier to maintain her focus, Lena realizes, easier to put the worry aside and work on a fix when Supergirl is in grave danger, in desperate need of help. 

This, with her awake and seemingly fine but so disoriented is throwing Lena off guard. Normal citizens shouldn’t see their city’s hero downed and unconscious, but they shouldn’t see her like this either, unfocused and confused, almost as if she’d been drugged. It’s unsettling, deeply uncomfortable in a way Lena can’t put her finger on, and she can’t help but feel both protective and out of her element at the same time.

“Okay,” Lena says, keeping her voice soft and caring. “How about we get you over to the DEO so they can check you out?”

“No, thanks,” comes the quiet reply. “I’ll stay here.”

It’s Lena’s turn to blink confusedly back at Supergirl, but the woman is looking elsewhere. The soft breeze that’s been blowing all day blows an errant leaf off of one of Lena’s plants and into Supergirl’s lap, and Lena watches, latent sense of panic beginning to grow in her stomach, as Supergirl picks up the leaf and twirls it between her fingers.

“I really think we should get you over to the DEO. You seem a little… off,” Lena says, careful to phrase it as gently as she can to not cause any alarm. “What if I just have Director Danvers come here by herself?” Lena asks, half unsure why she’s humoring Supergirl before she realizes that Supergirl has probably never gone anywhere she didn’t want to go— on account of being strong enough to lift a space station. 

“No,” Supergirl responds again, simply, not rudely, “she’s not invited.”

Lena narrows her eyes at that, trying to sort out what kind of laughing gas this dragon has breathed out. 

“I think I’m in charge of that,” Lena retorts, but she sighs, because Supergirl just looks up at her and smiles dopily. 

“Okay,” Lena tries again. “Will you at least stand up and come inside? I can do some research on how to get these side effects to go away.” 

Supergirl acquiesces this time, or at least Lena thinks she does until Supergirl turns away from the open door to her living room. 

“I’ll stay out here,” she says, words slurring a little as she points to one of Lena’s deck chairs. “Need a little sun.” 

She sways on the spot, as if momentarily suspended by the breeze, before stumbling over to Lena’s deck chair and collapsing onto it. She trips on one of the legs and the chair breaks under her weight, but she doesn’t seem to notice, letting her eyes drift shut and tilting her chin up toward the sun. A small smile crosses her face as the sun warms her, and Lena finds herself unable to hold back a small smile of her own. 

“You’ve got twenty minutes,” Lena says, already planning out her research on alien dragons and a call to Alex in her head. “Then I’m making the call.” 

“Uh uh,” Supergirl hums, eyes still closed, and Lena raises both eyebrows. “Is’fine, Lena. Don’t call. Wanted to come here.”

The longer sentences are starting to ease Lena’s mind, but Supergirl’s response rattles around in her brain and she can’t help but ask.

“Supergirl?”

Supergirl just hums back at her again.

“Why’d you come here instead of going to the DEO?”

“Didn’t want to miss movie night,” she says, calmly while she exhales, like Lena had asked her what day it is and she’d said, ‘Saturday.’

Lena freezes. The pit of panic in her stomach drops out and her whole body clenches at the loss. She stands frozen, staring at the figure laying prone, sprawled out on her deck chair. Lena’s heart pounds. She feels the rapid thudding in her chest, hears it reverberate in her ears. She takes it in, the red boots and skirt, the blue suit, the cape, the blonde hair. 

Her eyes map the features on Supergirl’s face, and she realizes with some modicum of horror how familiar those features are. The point of her chin, the slope of her cheekbones, the nick of the scar above her eyebrow, the slightly upturned, charming pull of her mouth. It’s all— 

“Lena?” those eyebrows scrunch together and it comes out as a whine, and Lena is overcome. 

The panic disappears, instantly replaced by a tidal wave of worry, of affection, of bewilderment, confusion, and a little hurt.

“I’m here,” is what she blurts out in response, dropping onto the adjacent chair and wrapping her hand around Supergirl’s— Kara’s?— wrist, gentle, caring. “Hey, hey, I’m here. Are you okay?”

“Mhmm” Supergirl hums again, twisting her wrist to take hold of Lena’s hand. “Better already. Just need a nap and then we can watch a movie, okay?” Her voice is light and airy, and the smile droops off her face as she begins to fall asleep, but Lena can’t let her go, can’t be left alone with her racing mind. She needs to know, needs to be sure, and with a pounding heart, she presses on.

“Have—” Lena starts. Her voice cracks and she clears her throat and tries again, wiping the hand not enclosed in Supergirl’s tiredly across her brow. “Have you thought about what movie you want to see?”

“Which Star Wars are we up to?” Supergirl mumbles, half-asleep, and Lena feels her whole body clench with the confirmation as she sweeps her eyes up and down the figure in front of her with renewed worry, checking for injuries she knows aren’t there, because it’s Kara, it’s Kara, it’s Kara.

“Episode Six,” she whispers, tightening her hand around Kara’s. 

“That one. ‘S a good one.” Kara breathes back. 

Kara shifts on the chair a little bit, and small as the movement is, Lena thinks it looks the tiniest more purposeful, the tiniest bit less loose and floppy, and Lena feels her shoulders relax with it. It shifts something in her, the worry beginning to melt into a tender form of annoyance and she decides to push a little more. 

“Are you hungry?”

“Mm,” Kara hums, smiling again. Lena narrows her eyes at her. 

“Do you want Big Belly Burger for dinner like last time?”

“Mhmm yeah,” Kara murmurs, “and those fries that I like.”

Lena smirks, raising an eyebrow, but Kara is completely unaware. Lena squeezes her hand and stands. “I’ll order the food, and you can nap until it gets here, okay?”

“Mhmm thanks, Lena.”

“You’re welcome, Kara,” she says pointedly, but Kara doesn’t notice. Lena watches her smile in her half-asleep doze, her hand twitching a little until the smile droops off her face and she falls asleep just like that. Lena stands there, gaping at her for a moment, then makes her way inside.

Twenty minutes later, after a text to Alex and enough time spent slowing her racing heart, enough time spent with the news to know that the gas wears off on its own, eventually, she hears a sigh and a creak from outside. Supergirl— Kara, god, it’s Kara— is stretching on the deck chair, which appears to be hanging on for dear life, and Lena lifts herself off the couch, grabbing the bag next to her and making her way back outside.

She sets a glass of water down on the drinks table next to Kara’s head, watching as she shifts in the sun but doesn’t open her eyes. 

“How are you feeling, Supergirl?”

“Mhmm, good, sleepy,” Kara yawns.

“They pulled that dragon out of the bay,” Lena says casually, crossing her arms. “You did a great job. No one’s hurt. The effects of the gas seem to subside on their own.”

“Good,” Kara murmurs, tilting her head up into the sun again. “That’s good.” 

“The food’s here too,” Lena informs her, unable to hold back a smirk. “I got us a couple shakes as well.”

“Thanks,” Kara sighs happily. You’re the best.”

“But Kara?”

“Mmph?”

“You have to change out of your suit first. Wouldn’t want to get any residual alien goop on my couch.”

It’s exactly as satisfying as she thought it would be. Kara’s loose, floppy posture stiffens as her spine snaps straight, her eyes flying open as the chair finally gives out from under her. Lena watches the wheels turn once Kara hits the ground, sees Kara’s eyes bug out when they make eye contact. Kara’s flick down to look at her suit, then back up to Lena. 

Lena twists her wrist, letting the paper bag swing out toward Kara. 

“Your fries?”

#when you haven't been able to write a word for months and are struck by this feral fever dream of a thing #and when you misremember the line in the prompt as being 'can i help you?' #and then don't include it anyway #OOPS #btc you're a hero as always <3 #fic tag #anonymous #ask box

[shinesurge]

I like complaining about America's fucked up medical system whenever I get the chance, so y'all might remember that I was hospitalized last year (2020(not covid-related)) and had to have emergency surgery. It was fine tho, it all went down okay and we have pretty good insurance through my partner's job at Cumberland University so we weren't hurting too much once the projectile vomiting stopped.

A bunch of shit happened between then and now and I decided I wanted to get top surgery, the reasoning split about 50/50 between gender reasons and the fact that my mother was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer at 32, which eventually killed her. Every birthday's a little spookier for me, so I figured it was time to see about fixing that instead of waiting around for the bombs strapped to my chest to destroy me lmao. It turns out our insurance has a pretty extensive policy about trans health and I fit the criteria perfectly! So we went about getting this done as quickly as possible, which naturally turned into six months of waiting for a consult, then another month waiting for my therapist to write me a letter, then once we'd jumped through all the hoops there was another month and a half of waiting for that insurance to clear. 

Which it didn't! After some confusion about why the system was refusing to cover a perfectly valid case, we dug around enough to figure out Cumberland University has manually set up exclusions in its insurance for gender affirming surgery and procedures. We went around with them for another month, they asked me to prove that trans healthcare is medically necessary and I did so to the best of my ability (mostly with excellent resources other trans folks in similar situations had compiled). In the end they offered us thoughts and prayers and the assurance that "the denial remains - for now." So perhaps something will change their minds some day, but I am not that thing today.

Essentially, the cost of the surgery would have been our deductible and that would have been unpleasant but perfectly managable for us. Now, since we aren't being allowed to use the insurance we pay for, we have to pay over twice as much entirely out of pocket which is. Frustrating. 

I know we're luckier than most in this situation in that this doesn't take the surgery completely off the table, but to be honest the thought of having to pay this money while our insurance wants to cover the procedure is eating at me. We don't have the money or the resources to pursue legal action, and frankly I don't want to wait another number of legal-system-years for the surgery or sink mine and my partner's time into fighting with this institution, so as much as it sucks we're going to have to just let it go and pay the money and continue to pay for this insurance because it's functioning well for us otherwise. We would also like for my partner not to lose their job, which supports us both right now and allows me to keep making comics and us two queers to sleep safely at night. Causing a fuss and geting them fired over this would just give this university even more sway in our lives than it's already got. My therapist is proud of my radical acceptance skills but I'm not sure what amount of therapy I'd need to be cool with all of this lol

I hate that I was in a perfect position to advocate for myself and other trans people who might come through here after me and I wasn't convincing enough to get this fixed for any of us. I know it's not my job to fix everything, and I feel good about what positive queerness I manage with my comic most of the time but this seemed like some amount of tangible change I could help with in my own community. It's disappointing that wasn't the case. There's nothing else substantial for me to do, but I CAN complain on the internet and let people know this happened instead of this whole thing existing behind closed doors, and that's going to have to be enough. Aside from my jokey Read My Comic posts I try really hard not to ask people to share things because we're all tired of sharing things, but this one time I'd really appreciate it if you could.

I wasn't going to crowdfund for this surgery because I thought insurance would cover it and others need it more but, well. I know if I don't do it myself people will ask, so if you feel so inclined, the GoFundMe is over here. I wrote this post out for tumblr first and basically edited it to look more friendly to real life folks who might look at the crowdfunding page so you're pretty much already caught up if you decide to go that route lol

Thank you very much for reading this. 

#what's good i've been absolutely seething since this shit started last month and the letter with fucking Thoughts And Prayers has been #making my blood boil like nonstop since yesterday lololol #also our insurance is increasing this year! #COOL I LOVE IT #CANT BLAME IT ON QUEER PEOPLE AT LEAST

[reanimatedcourier]

How to Write Indigenous Characters Without Looking like a Jackass:

Update as of December 26th, 2020: I have added a couple new sections about naming and legal terms, as well as a bit of reading on the Cherokee Princess phenomenon.

Boozhoo (hello) Fallout fandom! I'm a card-carrying Anishinaabe delivering this rough guide about writing Indigenous characters because wow, do I see a lot of shit.

Let's get something out of the way first: Fallout's portrayal of Indigenous people is racist. From a vague definition of "tribal" to the claims of them being "savage" and "uncivilized" mirror real-world stereotypes used to dehumanize us. Fallout New Vegas' narrated intro has Ron Perlman saying Mr. House "rehabilitated" tribals to create New Vegas' Three Families. You know. Rehabilitate. As if we are animals. Top it off with an erasure of Indigenous people in the American Southwest and no real tribe names, and you've got some pretty shitty representation. The absence of Native American as a race option in the GECK isn't too great, given that two Native characters are marked "Caucasian" despite being brown. Butch Deloria is a pretty well-known example of this effect. (Addendum: Indigenous people can have any mix of dominant and recessive traits, as well as present different phenotypes. What bothers me is it doesn't accommodate us or mixed people, which is another post entirely.)

As a precautionary warning: this post and the sources linked will discuss racism and genocide. There will also be discussion of multiple kinds of abuse.

Now, your best approach will be to pick a nation or tribe and research them. However, what follows will be general references.

Terms that may come up in your research include Aboriginal/Native Canadian, American Indian/Native American, Inuit, Métis, and Mestizo. The latter two refer to cultural groups created after the discovery of the so-called New World. (Addendum made September 5th, 2020: Mestizo has negative connotations and originally meant "half breed" so stick with referring to your mixed Latine and Indigenous characters as mixed Indigenous or simply by the name of their people [Maya, Nahua].)

As a note, not every mixed person is Métis or Mestizo. If you are, say, Serbian and Anishinaabe, you would be mixed, but not Métis (the big M is important here, as it refers to a specific culture). Even the most liberal definition caps off at French and British ancestry alongside Indigenous (some say Scottish and English). Mestizo works the same, since it refers to descendants of Spanish conquistadors/settlers and Indigenous people.

Trouble figuring out whose land is where? No problem, check out this map.

Drawing

Don't draw us with red skin. It's offensive and stereotypical.

Tutorial for Native Skintones

Tutorial for Mixed Native Skintones

Why Many Natives Have Long Hair (this would technically fit better under another category, but give your Native men long hair!)

If You're Including Traditional Wear, Research! It's Out There

Languages

Remember, there are a variety of languages spoken by Indigenous people today. No two tribes will speak the same language, though there are some that are close and may have loan words from each other (Cree and Anishinaabemowin come to mind). Make sure your Diné (you may know them as Navajo) character doesn't start dropping Cree words.

Here's a Site With a Map and Voice Clips

Here's an Extensive List of Amerindian Languages

Keep in mind there are some sounds that have no direct English equivalents. But while we're at it, remember a lot of us speak English, French, Spanish, or Portuguese. The languages of the countries that colonized us.

Words in Amerindian languages tend to be longer than English ones and are in the format of prefix + verb + suffix to get concepts across. Gaawiin miskwaasinoon is a complete sentence in Anishinaabemowin, for example (it is not red).

Names

Surprisingly, we don't have names like Passing Dawn or Two-Bears-High-Fiving in real life. A lot of us have, for lack of better phrasing, white people names. We may have family traditions of passing a name down from generation to generation (I am the fourth person in my maternal line to have my middle name), but not everyone is going to do that. If you do opt for a name from a specific tribe, make sure you haven't chosen a last name from another tribe.

Baby name sites aren't reliable, because most of the names on there will be made up by people who aren't Indigenous. That site does list some notable exceptions and debunks misconceptions.

Here's a list of last names from the American census.

Indian Names

You may also hear "spirit names" because that's what they are for. You know the sort of mystical nature-related name getting slapped on an Indigenous character? Let's dive into that for a moment.

The concept of a spirit name seems to have gotten mistranslated at some point in time. It is the name Creator calls you throughout all your time both here and in the spirit world. These names are given (note the word usage) to you in a ceremony performed by an elder. This is not done lightly.

A lot of imitations of this end up sounding strange because they don't follow traditional guidelines. (I realize this has spread out of the original circle, but Fallout fans may recall other characters in Honest Hearts and mods that do this. They have really weird and racist results.)

If you're not Indigenous: don't try this. You will be wrong.

Legal Terms

Now, sometimes the legal term (or terms) for a tribe may not be what they refer to themselves as. A really great example of this would be the Oceti Sakowin and "Sioux". How did that happen, you might be wondering. Smoky Mountain News has an article about this word and others, including the history of these terms.

For the most accurate information, you are best off having your character refer to themselves by the name their nation uses outside of legislation. A band name would be pretty good for this (Oglala Lakota, for example). I personally refer to myself by my band.

Cowboys

And something the Fallout New Vegas fans might be interested in, cowboys! Here's a link to a post with several books about Black and Indigenous cowboys in the Wild West.

Representation: Stereotypes and Critical Thought

Now, you'll need to think critically about why you want to write your Indigenous character a certain way. Here is a comprehensive post about stereotypes versus nuance.

Familiarize yourself with tropes. The Magical Indian is a pretty prominent one, with lots of shaman-type characters in movies and television shows. This post touches on its sister tropes (The Magical Asian and The Magical Negro), but is primarily about the latter.

Say you want to write an Indigenous woman. Awesome! Characters I love to see. Just make sure you're aware of the stereotypes surrounding her and other Women of Color.

Word to the wise: do not make your Indigenous character an alcoholic. "What, so they can't even drink?" You might be asking. That is not what I'm saying. There is a pervasive stereotype about Drunk Indians, painting a reaction to trauma as an inherent genetic failing, as stated in this piece about Indigenous social worker Jessica Elm's research. The same goes for drugs. Ellen Deloria is an example of this stereotype.

Familiarize yourself with and avoid the Noble Savage trope. This was used to dehumanize us and paint us as "childlike" for the sake of a plot device. It unfortunately persists today.

Casinos are one of the few ways for tribes to make money so they can build homes and maintain roads. However, some are planning on diversifying into other business ventures.

There's a stereotype where we all live off government handouts. Buddy, some of these long-term boil water advisories have been in place for over twenty years. The funding allocated to us as a percentage is 0.39%: less than half a percent to fight the coronavirus. They don't give us money.

"But what about people claiming to be descended from a Cherokee princess?" Cherokee don't and never had anything resembling princesses. White southerners made that up prior to the Civil War. As the article mentions, they fancied themselves "defending their lands as the Indians did".

Also, don't make your Indigenous character a cannibal. Cannibalism is a serious taboo in a lot of our cultures, particularly northern ones.

Our lands are not cursed. We don't have a litany of curses to cast on white people in found footage films. Seriously. We have better things to be doing. Why on earth would our ancestors be haunting you when they could be with their families? Very egotistical assumption.

Indigenous Ties and Blood Quantum

Blood quantum is a colonial system that was initially designed to "breed out the Indian" in people. To dilute our bloodlines until we assimilated properly into white society. NPR has an article on it here.

However, this isn't how a vast majority of us define our identities. What makes us Indigenous is our connections (or reconnection) to our families, tribes, bands, clans, and communities.

Blood quantum has also historically been used to exclude Black Natives from tribal enrollment, given that it was first based on appearance. So, if you looked Black and not the image of "Indian" the white census taker had in his brain, you were excluded and so were your descendants.

Here are two tumblrs that talk about Black Indigenous issues and their perspectives. They also talk about Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people of Australia.

However, if you aren't Indigenous, don't bring up blood quantum. Don't. This is an issue you should not be speaking about.

Cherokee Princess Myth

"Princess" was not a real position in any tribe. The European idea of monarchy did not suddenly manifest somewhere else. The closest probable approximation may have been the daughter of a chief or other politically prominent person. But princess? No.

Here is an article talking about possible origins of this myth. Several things are of note here: women from other tribes may have bee shoved under this label and the idea of a "Cherokee Princess" had been brought up to explain the sudden appearance of a brown-skinned (read: half Black) family member.

For a somewhat more in depth discussion of why, specifically, this myth gets touted around so often, Timeline has this piece.

Religion

Our religions are closed. We are not going to tell you how we worship. Mostly because every little bit we choose to share gets appropriated. Smudging is the most recent example. If you aren't Indigenous, that's smoke cleansing. Smudging is done in a specific way with ceremonies and prayers.

Now, a lot of us were forcibly converted. Every residential school was run by Christians. So plenty of us are Catholic, Baptist, Anglican, Lutheran, etc. Catholicism in Latin America also has influence from the Indigenous religions in that region.

Having your Indigenous character pray or carry rosaries wouldn't be a bad thing, if that religion was important to them. Even if they are atheist, if they lived outside of a reserve or other Indigenous communities, they might have Christian influences due to its domination of the Western world.

Settler Colonialism and the White Savior Trope

Now we've come to our most painful section yet. Fallout unintentionally has an excellent agent of settler-colonialism, in particular the Western Christian European variety, in Caesar's Legion and Joshua Graham.

(Addendum: Honest Hearts is extremely offensive in its portrayal of Indigenous people, and egregiously shows a white man needing to "civilize" tribals and having to teach them basic skills. These skills include cooking, finding safe water, and defending themselves from other tribes.)

Before we dive in, here is a post explaining the concept of cultural Christianity, if you are unfamiliar with it.

We also need to familiarize ourselves with The White Man's Burden. While the poem was written regarding the American-Philippine war, it still captures the attitudes toward Indigenous folks all over the world at the time.

As this article in Teen Vogue points out, white people like to believe they need to save People of Color. You don't need to. People of Color can save themselves.

Now, cultural Christianity isn't alone on this side of the pond. Writer Teju Cole authored a piece on the White Savior Industrial Complex to describe mission trips undertaken by white missionaries to Africa to feed their egos.

Colonialism has always been about the acquisition of wealth. To share a quote from this paper about the ongoing genocide of Indigenous peoples: "Negatively, [settler colonialism] strives for the dissolution of native societies. Positively, it erects a new colonial society on the expropriated land base—as I put it, settler colonizers come to stay: invasion is a structure not an event. In its positive aspect, elimination is an organizing principal of settler-colonial society rather than a one-off (and superseded) occurrence. The positive outcomes of the logic of elimination can include officially encouraged miscegenation, the breaking-down of native title into alienable individual freeholds, native citizenship, child abduction, religious conversion, resocialization in total institutions such as missions or boarding schools, and a whole range of cognate biocultural assimilations. All these strategies, including frontier homicide, are characteristic of settler colonialism. Some of them are more controversial in genocide studies than others." (Positive, here, is referring to "benefits" for the colonizers. Indigenous people don't consider colonization beneficial.)

An example of a non-benefit, the Church Rock disaster had Diné children playing in radioactive water so the company involved could avoid bad publicity.

Moving on, don't sterilize your Indigenous people. Sterilization, particularly when it is done without consent, has long been used as a tool by the white system to prevent "undesirables" (read, People of Color and disabled people) from having children. Somehow, as of 2018, it wasn't officially considered a crime.

The goal of colonization was to eliminate us entirely. Millions died because of exposure to European diseases. Settlers used to and still do separate our children from us for reasons so small as having a dirty dish in the sink. You read that right, a single dirty dish in your kitchen sink was enough to get your children taken and adopted out to white families. This information was told to me by an Indigenous social work student whose name I will keep anonymous.

It wasn't until recently they made amendments to the Indian Act that wouldn't automatically render Indigenous women non-status if they married someone not Indigenous. It also took much too long for Indigenous families to take priority in child placement over white ones. Canada used to adopt Indigenous out to white American families. The source for that statement is further down, but adoption has been used as a tool to destroy cultures.

I am also begging you to cast aside whatever colonialist systems have told you about us. We are alive. People with a past, not people of the past, which was wonderfully said here by Frank Waln.

Topics to Avoid if You Aren't Indigenous

Child Separation. Just don't. We deserve to remain with our families and our communities. Let us stay together and be happy that way.

Assimilation schools. Do not bring up a tool for cultural genocide that has left lasting trauma in our communities.

W/ndigos. I don't care that they're in Fallout 76. They shouldn't be. Besides, you never get them right anyway.

Sk/nwalkers. Absolutely do not. Diné stories are not your playthings either.

I've already talked about drugs and alcohol. Do your research with compassion and empathy in mind. Indigenous people have a lot of pain and generational trauma. You will need to be extremely careful having your Indigenous characters use drugs and alcohol. If your character can be reduced to their (possible) substance abuse issues, you need to step back and rework it. As mentioned in Jessica Elm's research, remember that it isn't inherent to us.

For our final note: remember that we're complex, autonomous human beings. Don't use our deaths to further the stories of your white characters. Don't reduce us to some childlike thing that needs to be raised and civilized by white characters. We interact with society a little differently than you do, but we interact nonetheless.

Meegwetch (thank you) for reading! Remember to do your research and portray us well, but also back off when you are told by an Indigenous person.

This may be updated in the future, it depends on what information I come across or, if other Indigenous people are so inclined, what is added to this post.

#fallout 3 #fallout 4 #fallout 76 #fallout new vegas #fallout 1 #fallout 2 #fallout: new vegas #ozhibii'ige

[noaltbruh]

28 and 33 with SoftYan!Fugo? x s/o

I'm bored so yea ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

Feel free to ignore it if you're busy or smtg. Sorry for the lack of idea but I really wanted to see what type of story you want and will come up with so yeaaa kinda leave *all* the decision-making to you lol

Personally I think hard angst or angst with fluff is prob the ideal one for these prompts.

Sorry for the weird ask lol ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

Amore velenoso

Some would have called you brave, while most would have surely defined you as a fool or even insane for your decision.

Dating a person like Fugo was not easy, and you believed you were very well aware of it when your love first sailed. His colleagues had warned you about his temperament and inability to control himself, even over small, insignificant changes in plans or unexpected outcomes.

Despite his efforts at behaving in front of you, not wanting to let his aggressive and dangerous side show, the blonde failed at hiding it completely. It was just a part of who he was, but you had come to accept it even sooner than the boy himself. After all, loving someone means valuing each and every aspect and layer of who he is, not the idealized, perfect version of himself.

You didn't understand why everyone in his team was so concerned when they found out about your relationship. Fugo was flawed, yes, but so were you and so was anyone else. You tried to ignore or pretend not to see the worried look they'd give you when they saw the two of you kissing or cuddling on the salon sofa.

You were happy, genuinely happy with him. Aside from his outburst, strawberry boy was actually a very sweet lover. He was very easily to flatter and spotting him blush around you was nothing new nor uncommon, he tried his best to help and explain to you anything you struggled to figure out for yourself, and pushed himself to put his logical mindset aside in an effort to sympathise with you when you were feeling down.

A soft lover, just a bit spiky around the edges, like a strawberry that becomes sweeter and sweeter the more you taste it.

Until, eventually, that sweetness runs out.

It's been around half a year since you've found the courage to confess your feelings to him, you felt proud of how far the two of you had come. You've had your difficult moments, your romantic moments, and sometimes...Simple moments, just reading next to each other in silence or going for a walk in the seaside.

You treasured each one of them, and surely your other half did to, perhaps even more than you.

Past experiences and relationships had left you hurt. You've felt lonely, surely more than once.

But that feeling slowly disappeared the more you dedicated to your current one, helping it to bloom like a beautiful flower on a sunny Spring day. But you cannot always watch over a flower, it needs its alone time to grow its leaves and rest, it wouldn't just become stronger if you constantly watered it, or else it would risk to drown.

You understood that, leaving the boy his boundaries and space, hoping that he would have reciprocated your behavior.

He did not.

In fact, as time went by, small but changes started to assert themselves in the way he would talk around you, act around you, or even just look at you. Fugo slowly became a constant presence in your life, and while you did not mind at first, it started to feel draining after a while to feel his breathing down your neck in every single moment.

He would constantly ask you to come over to his and his friends' house, keeping him away from them as much as he could when you accepted. He would call and check on you at any hour of the day and night, he would offer to do every task, even the smallest, most insignificant ones, in your place, he would always make excuses to keep you close to himself, to keep you all for himself.

You were not naive nor stupid, and you soon realized that your boyfriend's way of acting was not acceptable, let alone normal. Nonetheless, you didn't have the strength to confront him regarding this topic, not because you were afraid of him or the way he would have reacted, it was something else.

Despite how much you didn't want to admit it, despite you being ashamed of it, a part of you enjoyed all the attention he had been giving you far. You've never felt this loved by another person in your life, be it family, friends or romantic partners too. All of them were just a shadow of your past, all of them had gone, long before you met the blonde. He wouldn't have gone away too, even if it meant keeping up with his obsessive attitude.

After all, you'd lie if you said that you weren't a bit thrilled to see him so dependent of you, you needed to be needed, and he brilliantly satisfied what you were craving.

It was in no way justifiable, it was sick, just like his stand, but you tried to push your morals and conscience aside, it wasn't so bad. His presence still brought warmth like nothing nor nobody else ever could, even though it felt more the one like an out of control fire than a comfy fireplace.

But at the end of the day, did it really matter? He had you, you had him, and while you wish things were...A but different, you had learnt not to be picky and accept what life had given you. If you were gifted him, you were going to keep him, no matter what.

When rational sense finally hit you, however, it was already too late.

As you had grown used to, you were spending your Saturday at his villa, watching a romantic movie, the plot was a bit overly cheesy, but bearable. Fugo holding you close to his chest, gently caressing the back of your head and hair felt pleasant, but his grip on you...Was a bit too tight. You didn't want to tell him directly, but you needed a moment for yourself, you needed to breath a gasp of air that wasn't his own.

Thus, as you came up the most cliche excuse, but also the fastest, your brain could think of, you slowly freed yourself from his embrace.

"Uhm...Caro, can you excuse me a moment? I need to use their bathroom"

"Oh, va bene tesoro, don't take too long~"

He said, slowly unwrapping his arms from your torso, allowing you to move as you exited the room, his deep purple eyes were glued your figure.

You quickly headed to the restroom at the end of the long corridor, right before the staircase that led to the upper part of the house, where all the bedrooms were.

You placed your back against the cold, wooden walls, next to the room's door. You crossed your arms and lowered hour head slightly, closing your eyes. You weren't sure of how long you were going to stand there, it felt like time had stopped just for a few seconds.

When suddenly, you felt someone poking the top of your head.

"Yo, Y/N!"

"F-FUGO- AMORE- I WAS JUST ABOUT TO-"

"I think you got the wrong person, girl"

You looked up, but were met with a different pair of purple eyes from the ones you had grown accustomed to.

"O-Oh...Hey there, Narancia"

The boy greeted you with a grin and chuckled at your sudden response. You were still trying and failing to figure out what sort of relationship him and your boyfriend had. You could tell they had known each other for quite a while, but most of their interactions felt very...Unstable to you.

You weren't particularly close to any of his friends in particular, Fugo was a jealous person and the occasions to interact with the others were rare. Although you could say that the short boy's presence didn't feel bad, surely he made you feel more at ease than the twenty-one years old goth albino drinking wine in another room as the two of you were talking.

"How's it going?"

As you tried to regain some composure, you hesitated for a brief second, before answering.

"I'm doing well, why do you ask?"

"No reason"

He shrugged.

"I was just curious, ya know? Saw you standing here looking all gloomy and stuff, I wanted to-"

"Che sta succedendo qui?"

The blond's voice resonated through the long corridor, as you felt a shiver down you spine and exchanged a quick look with the one next to you, realising that he was just as tense, if not even more, than you were.

You faked a smile, turning around to face him directly, you knew how much he loved and craved for eye contact.

"Fugo, caro, I was just about to come-"

Your sentence was cut in half, when you felt his cold hand gently grabbing your wrist, wrapping his fingers all around your skin.

"Very well, let's go"

His tone of voice used to be a very calming, soft, you'd dare to say almost relaxing one, but there was no trace of those sensations in the words he had just pronounced.

"Wai-"

Before anything else could be said, there you were back again, laying on the couch that, by now, seemed to belong to you as well.. You slowly rested your head on his legs, you could hear him trying to talk to you about something, but you truly didn't feel like listening right now. Your brain didn't even receipt his words, as you simply melted into the touch of his hand caressing your cheek.

The rest of the date went as it would usually do, with him asking you if you would have liked to stop by for dinner. It was barely the illusion of having a choice: you both knew that if you were to decline, your little strawberry would have done anything to try and make you change your mind or plans.

Shortly after, as it had already gotten quite late, he volunteered to accompany you back home, insisting that walking alone among the streets of such a dangerous city and, most of all, at this time of the night, would have been 'Unjustifiable risky and irresponsible'.

"Don't worry, I'm always here to keep you safe"

He affirmed with a small smile adorning his lips, the same he waved you goodbye with as the two of you reached your small, but comfy apartment, which felt like the only place that, at least once in a while, still offered you privacy and time for yourself.

Without thinking too much of the day that was about to come to its end, you took your time to change into your pajamas and drifting under your bed covers. You would usually read or watch something on your phone before officially putting an end to your Saturday, but tonight you decided to skip this small passage and immediately immerse yourself into your unique dream land.

Your beauty sleep, however, had a brief life.

An unidentifiable noise interrupted the scenarios and ideas that your brain was already turning into a reality. You flinched, rigidly taking a seat on your mattress, trying to examine the place around you, but all you could see was the weak beam of moonlight that came through the curtains that adorned your window. You considered calling the Police, but the phone was too far from your bed, and you were to scared to get up and go looking for it. You tightened a tiny bit of your bed sheets between your shaky fist, trying to convince yourself that what you heard had just been an unfunny joke played by your imagination.

Your body, however, was not the only thing shaking. It was just for a second, but you would have sworn on your life and everything you knew, that your bed had just moved, alone.

You thought back on your childhood, when your mother would stay by your side to reassure you when you felt scared of the dark, of the silly monsters hiding under the piece of furniture you were supposed to rest on.

You had never been the bravest, and the more and more plausible idea of a compete, possible harmed stranger laying right behind you was making your blood freeze in fear.

You didn't think you would have ever said this, but for the first time in quite a while, you genuinely wished your boyfriend was there to protect you. You wanted, you needed him. You would have left him do anything he wanted with you, as long as he kept you safe.

How ironic was it, that the source of your comfort was the same reason why you needed that reassurance in the first place?

As you held your right hand to your chest, you gathered that small hint of bravery that every human being hides in themselves, tilting your head just enough for you to see a small portion of that black space that separated you from the floor.

What- or rather, who you were met with, caused your inner system to black out for a moment.

The first thing you saw was the reflection of something hanging from their wrist, you would have recognised it everywhere. It was an handmade bracelet you had gifted him a month after your love confession. You knew how much he loved strawberries, so you added a small broom shaped like that same fruit.

Your pupils shrinked.

You remained in that exact position for a couple of seconds, trying to form a single sentence with your mind that could slightly even make sense.

"W-What...Is this?"

Was everything you managed to coherently combine, as the haunting figure revealed themselves, getting up.

He crouched over to you, without saying a word. You knew he was staring, even though you still could not see him well in such a dark atmosphere.

"Oh, ben svegliata, cara, did you sleep well?"

Those words didn't seem to reach you immediately for how absurdly they sounded. The simplicity and naturalness he spoke with didn't seem possible, it felt like he failed to, or didn't want to acknowledge, how incredibly wrong everything around you was.

"Is t-this a joke?!"

"Why would it be a joke?"

He leaned over to grab your hand, but you pulled away, rage filling your very being seeing how unbothered he seemed. He sat next to you, his face now half visible as the pallid light was still crossing your window. In those purple eyes, you could see it very well.

A glance of craziness.

He was smiling, a minuscule smile born from by a slightly shaking lip. His look felt... Condescending, you hated it. Did he just not know what boundaries were? Did he really think he had the right to invade the only place where you truly felt safe? You wanted him to leave.

More than anything.

"You've just...Broken into my house in the middle of the night, and you expect me to act like it's NOTHING?"

"I always come to visit, what's the matter?"

"THE MATTE-"

You felt his fingers touching your left cheek, before he chuckled.

"Oh cielo, and I thought I was too short-tempered"

You gritted your teeth, you could almost feel the urge to strangle him, as his thumb kept on rubbing and drawing circles around your skin.

"Did I scare you? I'm very sorry if I did, I just wanted to see you"

The fake innocence in his tone was overbearing.

You took a deep breath and looked down, concern and sorrow now mixing with your anger.

"You weren't like this before, you used to be so sweet...So loving. Why did you have to change into...Into..."

"Shhh"

He murmured, placing a kiss on your forehead and smiling softly.

"Do you wish to know the funny what? I don't know why I'm doing this either!"

A forced, fake chuckle followed the so sudden affirmation. You were left to wonder if your lover hadn't been replaced by a complete stranger, and you had failed to notice before that moment.

He grabbed both of your hands, your faces almost touching from how close they were.

"All I know...Is that I want to be with you! By your side, always! I want to feel your warmth, I want to share every little daily moment accompanied by your enchanting presence. I want to hold you closer and closer to me, I want our heartbeats to be one and the same! I will never let anything tear us apart. Doesn't that sound lovely? Spending your entire existence without ever feeling alone? With your dearest, sweet Panni ready to do anything just to make sure that you're safe, sound and content?"

You didn't know how to answer and maintaining even a small flicker of patience in your words. You couldn't take it anymore. You wanted to be cared for, to be supported, to be appreciated by someone.

You didn't want this glorification of your image, this excessive adoration. You thought you did, but when faced with the harsh reality, nobody would actually wish for a similar relationship.

Did he not realize the implications of such ideas? Did he truly want to spend all day every day with you?

The sole thought of such a maniac invading each second of your life made you want to throw up. With eyes deadly serious, you were clear, direct.

"Fugo, I don't want to see you ever again"

.

.

.

Quietness, the longest silence that you had ever been forced to witness and go through until now. How long did it last? Who knows.

Maybe a second.

Maybe a minute.

But as surely as it ever will.

It felt like a lifetime.

"Aha...Hahahaha!"

He got up and turned around, his laughter

"Okay, I understand"

"...Really?"

You regretted such a foolish question as soon as it left your mouth.

"Of course"

You were left interdict, you genuinely felt like, even after he had apparently accepted your decision, you held no power in the unbelievable situation you had found yourself stuck into.

Was he going to take his departments? Would he have really respected your desire? Or was it just a scene? A façade? A mask he had put on to reassure you?

"You're free to flee from me and my love"

He put his arms behind his back, holding his hands together.

"Go ahead and escape, but once you do, what will you go back to?"

He pronounced his threat in a composed, almost musically sounding voice.

Memories of all your previous boyfriends started replaying in your brain, one after the other, non-stop.

You brought an hand to your chest, as you revived, all at once, the betrayal all of them had made you feel.

All of them walking away from, without thinking they owned you something that could make one slightly think of an explanation.

You refused to feel the pain of abandonment again. But at the end of the day, what choice did you have?

They said "Meglio soli che male accompagnati"

But you didn't listen to that statement, which, if you had stopped to think about even just for a little longer, would have led you to a way happier existence.

You gave up.

"P-Panni..."

You murmured weakly.

"I'm...Sorry for what I said. D-Don't leave...Please"

You held out you hand to him. You were disappointed, not in the boy for turning out to be this sick.

In you, for being this pitiful.

"I won't, cuore"

What came after, truly made you see how the worst had just begun.

"I never intended to do so"

#jojo #jojo's bizarre adventure #vento aureo #jjba golden wind #jjba part 5 #jojo vento aureo #jojo's bizzare adventure vento aureo #buccigang #jojo golden wind #part 5 vento aureo #ventoaureo #jojo's bizzare adventure golden wind #part 5 golden wind #golden wind #bucciarati gang #jjba x reader #yandere jjba #yandere jjba x reader #yandere fugo #jjba fugo #pannacotta fugo x reader #jojo fugo #fugo pannacotta

[dienamights]

Ex’s and O’s | K.Bakugou

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 6.7K

» Genre: hurt/comfort, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

» Summary: Its bad enough that you’re spending your ex-boyfriend’s birthday curled up in bed, wearing his merch, drinking away your sorrows, but what’s even worse is having your eardrums pierced by the blaring music upstairs at the party thrown just for him.

» Warning(s):  Smut 18+ MDNI please, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, dubcon since reader is under the influence while getting dicked down, drunk sex, oral sex and fingering (female receiving, we getting fed tonight), one pussy slap lol, manipulation, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy)

» Author’s notes: Hello! aaaah I’m actually pretty excited about posting this fic! First of all, its Bakuhoe’s birthday! and what better way to honor it than to feed you all some good ol angst sprinkled in with some good dickin’ down. Its been years since I’ve written smut and I’m actually really fuckin proud of it, yet real nervous but I hope you enjoy! Secondly, this fic is a part of Bakugous Birthday Bash! I’m so excited to read everyone’s work, thank you everyone for holding this event and allowing my ass participate to create this with you all ♡ be sure to read everyone’s contributions, I know it’ll be more than amazing since everyone worked so hard!

Happy Birthday to our favorite King Explosion Murder♡♡

Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their support and helping me reach 200 followers already! You guys are the cutest thing ever and I promise I’ll update more frequent the minute I’m out of uni late june fml, thank you @tteokdoroki for giggling with me when i wrote cock for the first time lol

» Masterlist | Requests

Rolling out of bed and flailing onto the floor as a start of your day ensures you that the following 24 hours will ultimately suck ass. Getting up and readying yourself for the day by looking through one of your cardboard boxes for your favorite Dynamight hoodie, the back of your mind keeps nagging you, trying to remind you of something buried deep in your subconsciousness, and you have half a heart to try and remember, because for some odd reason, you feel so fucking weary, as if the few steps from your bed to your bathroom are somehow now endless miles, almost making you breathe out in relief after finally reaching it.

And as you are making your coffee, that odd feeling keeps annoying you again, prodding at your brain to remember something, something. And ultimately, that's when your eyes fall to the counter. You knew this day was coming and you were dreading it for months, so as you look at the calendar on your kitchen counter, you frown, the quote of the day you always love reading so much long forgotten when your eyes fall on the date. 

“You’ve gotta be kiddin' me.” You mumble at the calendar on your counter hatefully with furrowed eyebrows, as if it would either reply or change its date, it doesn’t do either, and your lips curl downwards even further. As in immediate response, you pick up your phone, your coffee pot tossed aside as you dial the number of the only person you could think might help you right now.

“G’morning y/n -” you hear Kendo’s voice through your phone, and you honestly want to sob right then and there, but you hold yourself, barely and speak over her overly cheery voice first thing in the goddamn morning. “It's Kats- Bakugou’s birthday” you whimper at the slip up, being so used to the first name basis you were in with your now ex-boyfriend.

“Yeah, was kinda hoping you would’ve forgotten.” She sighs, tugging at her bangs and pulling back her phone to check the time. “Tell you what, I get off work in an hour, then I’m spending the day with you. I’ll get tequila, I know you love your shots.” 

“Ken, it's like 10 right now..” you can’t help but pout, having alcohol in your system as an escape to help you forget about the entire day still sounding better than the urge to cry and crawl into a hole, even if it's at the start of your day. “Y'know what? Get those gummy worms I like too.” “Bet.” you hang up with a sigh, moving back to the kitchen to sift through your bubble wrapped kitchen utensils, barely forcing yourself to prepare breakfast as to not have your liquor on an empty stomach.

You loathe the fact that you remembered his birthday, always reminded of him no matter how long ago since you’ve last seen him, being the center of the media’s attention for years as the number 6 hero in japan has its perks, well, in his case, but to you? Nothing but trouble and heartache as every channel you flip through plasters his face, whether it be about some big rescue mission he partook in or a new rumor about a potential lover to the explosive hero, followed by him almost attacking a reporter, yelling to them about ‘needing to mind yer goddamn business and keep my fuckin’ name outta your mouths’. Therefore, you opted long ago to stay away from the TV to avoid seeing him, his captivating rubies for eyes, covered by that goddamn mask you like to push up to his forehead, sweeping his bangs away and exposing his sweaty forehead that he bumps against yours as he makes love to you, still in his hero costume, all battered and dusty and so incredibly hot you have to- 

You grip your coffee mug tighter, almost to the point of breaking the handle off of it, placing it rather roughly onto the table before pushing your food away, appetite gone with the thought of whatever paradise you were thinking you were in before now long gone and never coming back, all because of you, of your action, of your mistake.

Kendo walks in with a bright smile on her face, as if her overly cheerful attitude will balance out the void you’re slowly but surely falling in. She shakes the bag of snacks in your face as you blink your eyes back into focus. Dragging your heavy feet across the floor to get to your kitchen to retrieve the shot glasses. Only kissing her cheek in thanks when you snatch away whatever it is she brought with her to lift your mood.

She eyes the boxes by your kitchen, the four placed haphazardly in your living room and the one you're using as a stool while filling your shot glasses, tongue sticking out to try and fill each one to the brim without spilling any on the new coffee table that she failed to notice before is still wrapped in bubble wrap that prevent any damage during the moving process.

“y/n…” you hum in response, a frown falling on your lips as the third glass spills a bit and the liquid pools on the plastic.

“Don't you think that you should’ve probably unpacked a while ago? Hasn't it been, what, five months?” 

“I didn't know you were gonna come here to harass me about my life choices, Kendo”

She flinches away, your tone venomous, almost feeling it as a slap to her face, before leaning in when she sees your eyes start to water.

“If I did, that just means it's true… that just means it happened, and I did the stupidest thing- you know what,” you wipe the few tears that managed to escape away with the sleeve of your sweater, looking down at the shots in front of you. “It, it doesn't matter anymore just- can I just drink and try to forget about how my life has gotten nothing but fucking worse since the day I left him?”

You questioned your worth that one time, that one time all those months ago. Thinking that by doing what you did and leaving, he’d drop everything and run behind you, chase after you and win you back, but he didn't, and as you sit surrounded by the evidence of how much of a failure you find out you are without him, you regret ever questioning it, ever questioning him. Because to you, living in denial was so much better than whatever hell this is.

So all you could think of is to just drown yourself in alcohol until your mind is too numb to think of the possibilities of how you could have avoided this, how you could’ve been a less of shitty person, and stop imagining how your life would be now if you just swallowed all your insecurities and just stayed. Despite the neglect, despite not being prioritized, because in some weird twisted way, those lies held you with warmth that you were never able to find after uncovering the ugly truth you’re living in right now. 

You lay on your living room floor, the alcohol swirling in your system and clouding your vision as you trace imaginary shapes in your ceiling, the voice of Kendo muffled as she rambles on and on about her day, the amount of outlaws she bitch slapped - a term she uses to get a laugh from you - and how she considers herself the unluckiest being in the whole world for having Monoma as a partner of all people, seriously contemplating who she should beat up first between him and the villains.

“Must be nice,” you voice, low and slow, scared of how Kendo would react to what you’re about to say, yet your intoxicated self unable to stop your mouth from uttering the words. “To have a purpose in life, to not be quirkless and lost like us.” your face twists in an ugly scowl at your ceiling, but mostly to yourself for putting a downer on whatever mood your friend is trying so hard to build, proven by the hitch of her breath before she enters your peripheral vision when she leans over you, all upside down and pouty.

“What’re you talki-” the shrill ringtone of her phone breaks you away from each other as she leaps to fetch it and silence the god forsaken thing by answering the call. “Battle Fist here, yes sir, I was partnered up with Phantom Thief for the patrol at area B, n-no sir I wasn’t informed.” Kendo breaths out in irritation, pinching the bridge of her nose as she starts tapping her feet aggressively on the floor, eyes falling onto yours when you look up at her all weary and sad, knowing what she would tell you once she hangs up. “That dumbass is gonna be the end of me I swear.” She crouches down to your level and kisses your forehead, promising to be back in the morning with hangover food, before she leaves and locks the door behind her. 

Now you’re left all alone, back aching from laying on the hardwood floor and eyes watering as you feel your loneliness eating you up inside, the god awful music thumbing loudly in your ears followed by the cheer of people as you-

Music?

You sit up abruptly, groaning at the dizziness of the swift movement as your hands fly to cover your ears, a failed attempt of ensuring your brain doesn’t begin to spill out from them, because of the loud voices, the bass shaking your entire fucking apartment by how strong it is, and you curse yourself for falling for the scheme the landlord pulled you in, paying half of the rent everyone did, just because you lived right below the penthouse that hosted the loudest parties in the area, 4 days out of the fucking week. 

The money hungry shameless bastard praised the apartment the minute it spiked your interest all those months ago, selling it so well you actually moved in the next week, anything to stop feeling like a burden to Kendo as you couch-surfed her apartment. Only to realize within that first week from your downstairs neighbors that he rents the penthouse to host parties of all sorts, and due to its location in the city, it was pretty popular, yet you didn’t have the money to move out again, nor the heart to concern your friend with your problems, as she was a hero with other responsibilities aside from taking care of your hopeless self.

So you get up, barely gathering yourself onto that elevator to tell off whoever the fuck will answer the door first to turn the music down. You pound the door with your fist repeatedly the minute you reach it, the door opening so suddenly you almost punch the man standing in front of you in the chest, the cool air created from the door cooling your warm cheeks as you squint at your victim for the day.

“Welcome!”

“Listen here, you buttfaced moron” you start to chew the person’s ear out, your sight blurring yet still able to notice how bright his hair is, how fiery and familiar it looks, and you’re certain you’ve seen it somewhere before. “I’m trying to drink away my regrettable life choices and cry over my ex-boyfriend, so if you would just turn down the-”

“y/n?” oh, that’s where. Your stomach drops as Kirishima looks down on you, the bright smile he flashed to whoever he was welcoming now dropped with his eyes almost bulging out at your presence, you both stand in silence, the boy unbuttoning the collar that suddenly feels like it has a chokehold on him while you cross your arms and hope the floor would swallow you a floor down back into the comfort of your home.

Kirishima basically is shutting down the second his eyes lay on you, breaking a sweat as your eyes never waver, despite how you fail to stay standing straight, what was he supposed to say? ‘Hey we’re throwing a birthday party for your ex-boyfriend because he's been feeling depressed from the day you dumped his ass’ ? No!  He wouldn’t do that to his friend, but what was he gonna say now?

Well, he didn’t have to really think about what to say to you, because his other friend didn’t hesitate to push him forward, slurring something along the lines of ‘lettin the hot ladies in so they can take a look at the prettier blond, aka moi’. In his moment of panic, the redhead stumbles forward, his cup slipping from the tips of his fingers and meeting its doom by the floor, whatever was filling it now staining your pants as you both look at the mess between you.

“Woah bro, we said you gotta get’er wet but not- '' Denki's cackle stops him from continuing whatever filth he was gonna spew out - thankfully - before his eyes drop down to your chest, or more like what was covering it. “Hey! You a Dynamight fan? Hey Bakuhoe, comere for a sec.” 

Dear God, move, for the love of all that's pure in this god forsaken world, move! Run!

All you could do is shake and breathe in short segments as your widened eyes meet his unamused ones, the garnets in his eyes glistening at your sight, he stands straight and so tall, suited up in his usual attire. Dressed for the occasion, words aren't able to describe his beauty. You try not to let your brain be dazzled by how incredibly handsome he looks. He is wearing a dress shirt, in the deep color of wine that complements his eyes, dress pants hugging his long legs, not to mention the open collar, and no tie. He looks like a long, lean Lothario. 

At that your eyes drop down to the floor, specifically the now stained carpet, your hands wrenching the end of your hoodie to distract yourself from the piercing rubies that haunts your dreams.

You build up some courage, enough of it to lift your head to continue what you came here to do, so you open your mouth, and drop a few IQs while you’re at it. “The m-music is loud and m’tryin’ to sleep,'' you mumble, noting how Kirishima leans down to make up the words you are saying over the sound of the blaring music while Bakugou narrows his eyes at you as if disregarding his sight will make him hear you better. “So, if you could turn down the heat, that’d be,” 

“You squiffed?” The blond grunts, leaning his face close to yours to inspect it, and he catches a whiff of alcohol in your breath, his eyebrows furrowing at your response. “No I'm not squinting-” 

“Yeah you’re drunk alright,” he huffs at your less than intelligent reply, pushing his glass of whiskey - you figure since it's always been his drink of choice - against Kirishima’s chest, telling him to lower the fucking volume and grabs you by your bicep. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” you stumble at the force used against you, no matter how weak it actually is, before you barely straighten yourself to push his hand away. “I can walk down all by myself, thank you.” Of course you’d expose where you live, you dumbass.

He doesn’t question your integrity, just continues to basically drag you to the elevator before pushing your apartment door open when you choose your floor, irked to find your misplaced trust in the people of the complex by not locking your door after leaving. He barges into your bedroom and tells you to change out of your fucked up pants and proceeds to saunter to your kitchen to get you water, eyeing the boxes that he comes across during that small trip.

He stands awkwardly by the door when he sees you standing in the middle of the bedroom, sifting through countless moving boxes with your pants on the floor, thrown next to a pile of clothes that he can only assume that its supposed to be your laundry ‘basket’, until you opt against wearing any since you can't seem to find anything to replace them. And when he asks you if you just moved in, his expression sours when you shake your head no and explain to him that you’ve been living for months in this space, after chugging that cup of water like you’ve been parched for days.

“Birthday party?” You ask out of the blue as you play with the strings of your hoodie, your ears perking up at the confirmation hum you receive. “Hmm, thas’cool… I-I guess.” 

Bakugou’s impassive as he gently pushes you onto your bed, eyes meeting yours as he covers you up with your blanket. “Get some rest, I’m leaving.” He said, slowly stalking away from you and barely reaching your door as your big mouth talks on its own. Your body sitting up and facing his retreating back.

“That's what you always do, you always leave”, you utter and you see him stiffen his shoulders before he spins to face you, so fast you almost want to check up on him about getting a whiplash.

“Hah?” it's one syllable, but it shakes your very core, that one sound making you almost shake, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions, the amount of pain that one sound has. He steps closer to your bed, the stomps of his feet sounding like gun shots in your ear, and you pathetically lift up the blanket to cover yourself up, cowering behind it like it's some pseudo shield that might protect you from him.

“I’m the one that leaves?” he growls at you, his eyes sizing you up when you react to his forceful approach, leaning back to look down on you, but his lips are still curled in a frown, he tries to hold himself from blowing up at you, his feelings oddly enough still raw in his chest the moment he lay eyes on you the first time since you left, threw him away and walked away, probably finding someone better, probably finding someone who you tolerated, unlike himself, but when he sees you straighten up your back to rebuttal him, an automatic response to whenever he raised his voice at you from all those years ago, he knows he is in for a fight. 

He snarls when you nod at him, your eyes hard and glaring up at him, not knowing that your silence is by your better judgement since you don't trust your voice, knowing it’ll fail you, probably crack and show him how much he actually is affecting you by his closed off posture and demeaning look down at your frame.

“Real fuckin’ rich of ya, y/n.” He snaps back, his hands brought up to his hair, tugging at it. “As if you didn’t pack your shit,” he kicks at yet another cardboard box fucking spewed in your room, noting its heavy weight when it didn't move but an inch by his action. “Dropped your keys by the fuckin’ door,” as an emphasis, he throws your apartment key at you, making sure it doesn’t actually hit you, but falls onto your lap. “And left. Without a single fuckin’ word, like I'm some lowlife who didn't deserve an explanation, like I didn't deserve anything! And-” that hurt, goddamn it. 

Exhaling deeply, he focuses on how your eyes look a little less glossed over, a little more sober, but holding fear, and he almost steps back and out when he looks at how you’re fighting tears, almost wanting to bust his own kneecaps than to see you like this, always wanting nothing for you but to be happy, to never upset about anything no matter how small it might be.

Then why did you leave him? Left him to drown by his lonesome self, waves of his insecurities and sorrow crashing into him, pulling him even further down to his inevitable doom.

Despite the fact that you both yearn for each other, long to feel one another, engulf yourselves in the others presence. You both stand your ground, eyes glaring despite the emotions hidden behind them, mouths shut and curled into ugly scowls regardless of the words you wish to speak to each other, whispers of promises into each other's ears about being together forever, in spite of not knowing what the future holds.

Bakugou breathes out again, recalling all those months worth of coping mechanisms to exercise when placed in anger inducing situations like this one, the time in therapy spent to better himself, to control himself, to be the best version of himself, for you, hoping that one day you’ll pity him enough to want to come back, knowing full well he would never hold a grudge against you and welcome you back with open arms, intending to never repeat whatever it is he did that made you think of him as so unbearable you couldn't spent another day with him.

You on the other hand, are barely holding in the tears, wanting him to just leave your sight, so you can go back to the world of denial where he didn't look like straight out of a magazine, looking as captivating as always, as if your absence did not have an effect on the hero, of course it wouldn't, why would a quirkless extra have an effect on the great Katsuki Bakugou, that's what he used to call them, right?

“Just leave, Bakugou-” his ears pick up the way your voice breaks at his name, the way you utter it sounds so horrendous, because you aren’t meant to call him Bakugou, you’re meant to call him Katsuki, Katsu, Suki, your Suki. Not- “I hate you.”

The room suddenly spirals. The floor panels misalign themselves into zigzags. Bakugo’s eyes shatter like a glass window. He tries to hold himself against the tears that threaten to fall, stomach wrenching as if reaching from inside of his body, but it’s useless. He brings his hand up close to his chest and sinks his head, letting the words overtake him.

Oblivious to his internal struggle, you pile whatever courage you have left in another attempt to ask him to leave, aware that your body wouldn’t aid you in pushing him away physically, you open your mouth, only to gasp after a moment of silence when he pounces on you and grabs you by the neck, sliding a hand behind your head and leaning your face impossibly closer to his “you fuckin’ hate me? show me you hate me then,”

Then he's pressing his lips against yours, your half foggy mind all too surprised by the flow of motion you can only try to keep up with his feverish kisses, you try to pull away, to push him away, to no avail, Bakugou only stopping his assault on your lips to growl at them again “Show me then, hah?” 

But he wouldn't even let you, his grasp on your neck loosening to circle around your back to push you to him even more. His kisses get more and more aggressive, trying his best to show you how much he was hurt by what you said, by what you did, after all this time, almost begging you to not let him have to voice out whatever he’s feeling because he would do so much of a worse job than he is doing now.

The hands you placed on his chest in a failed attempt to push him away are now just placed over his pecs, welcoming their warmth and the way they flex under your touch, your right hand clenching over where his thumping heart is, and he almost sighs in relief, the movement feeling like it holds together all the broken pieces of his heart to make it whole again.

Almost like that gesture calmed him down, Bakugou’s rough touches start to soften, very caring as they glide to your hips before sliding underneath your - oh my God it's your special edition Dynamight hoodie! His amused chuckle tickles your lips as he pulls away when he feels you stiffen at the realization, barely letting you breathe in ease until he places his lips against your ear. “Love how m’still the only one sprawled over yer tits.”

“But I still want the real thing, lemme see ‘em, hm?” And just before throwing a dumb retort and embarrasing yourself even further, the article is tugged eagerly off of your body and thrown haphazardly on the floor. Earning yourself a low whistle when he realises you’re wearing nothing underneath. Bakugou all but shoves you onto the bed, spreading your legs when you try to rub them against each other for any friction, wedging his body neatly between them as his teeth gently bite your soft buds, pulling them slightly before captivating the nipple entirely.

His tongue flicks against your hardening nipple while keeping a watchful eye at the sinful expressions your face makes, his one hand toying with and twisting the other nipple while the other slides down to tease your needy cunt, pressing his fingers against your -fucking soaked- panties, swearing under his breath at the feeling of your walls trying to clench around his fingers just from that one movement. Sitting on his haunches, he lifts your hips with ease to pull your panties right off, eyes travelling between your heaving chest and your exposed pussy. Before lowering himself and finding comfort in biting and sucking your nipples again.

Bakugou’s smirk grows with your moans as his tongue dances over your sensitive nipples, he presses his finger against your walls, and you immediately keen at the prodding feeling that almost feels foreign after all this time apart. His thumb pushing your pussy lip to the side to see you suck his finger in like the good girl he knew you always were.

“Ba-ba-ba,” you struggle to talk, your drool collecting at your lips, stopping you from forming any words as you feel a breeze hit your spit covered tits, whining at the feeling and wanting him to pull your nipples in the warm cavern of his mouth again. Bakugou’s eyes focus on the spit line connecting his bottom lip to your nipple before disconnecting it to smash his lips against yours in an effort to shut your blabbering up.

“Ba-ba, what? y’better not be callin’ me Bakugou with my fingers deep in yer pussy baby, its Katsuki for you, yeah?” he taunts with a fake pout that immediately turns into a grin at the way you hold your pathetic sobs, pressing another finger in your tight cunt, reveling in the wet sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts his fingers in and out of it, soaking his fingers in your slick as he curls them, eager to hear the squelching sounds it would make when his cock is shoved deep inside you. “Or better yet, lemme hear you say Suki, hmm?”

“Suki- p-please, eat me out” you throw your head back and bring your hands down to play with your clit, showing him where you want his lips to be, as if the blond doesn't already know where it is, and he scoffs at the thought, slapping your hand away and giving another slap to your clit, earning a moan from you from the sharp pleasurable pain.

“Yea, yea I fuckin’ know already, needy slut,” he growls, keeping eye contact as he circles your clit with his tongue before sloppily eating out your cunt, making a mess of both drool and your arousal, mumbling “my needy slut.” to himself, and you do hear it, yet you brush it off with the thought that your lust must be messing with your brain.

Your chest still flutters at his words and your walls clench in on his fingers as he curls them again in a way you didn’t know would make you yelp like it did. He thrives off of how your body responses so easily to him, your back arching and the squelching getting louder as his fingers pick up speed, his tongue so skillful in drawing circles around your clit before sucking it again. A whine escapes you when he draws his head away from you, only for you to see the way his eyes darkens, his chin glistening from your arousal when it catches the light.

“Let go for me princess,” he whispers uncharacteristically, making you question if the glint in his eyes is from his desire for you or something else. “Lemme see you fall apart for me, alright?” the way he’s almost begging you to come undone for him takes you by surprise, and your body curls in on itself so fast, not realizing your orgasm was creeping up on you until it hits you. The knot in your stomach breaks as you gush around his fingers, white crossing your vision as he slows his pace to help you come down from your high. 

Your shuddering body lays on your bed, eyes unwavering as they meet Katsuki’s, his fingers stuffed in his mouth as he moans around them at your taste. It's all a blur after seeing that unravel, and you’re so woozy that you don’t register him discarding his clothes until he lays above you. Placing himself between your legs as he pumps his cock, hardened from seeing you fall apart on his tongue and fingers, his tip leaking precum and burning a bright red.

His movement is almost too quick for you as he dips his head into your leaking hole before pulling right back, a breathless chuckle escaping him when you whine and roll your hips and try to suck him in again, wanting to feel the stretch of him inside of you.

“Didja wanna say somethin’ princess?” he taunts you, one of his hands holding you down by your stomach while the other is wrapped around his length, teasing you in the ways that he knows drive you crazy, he leans in, using the tip of his cock to spread your pussy lips open and running it along your slit to coat it with your arousal.

“Katshu, p-please I-” you hiccup, your fists tightening on your bed sheet as you try to rock your hips up get more than just his leaking tip, but your begging is always interrupted when he isn't hearing what he wants you to say.

“Say you love me.”

You freeze at his demand, your widening eyes looking up at him before you pout your lips, not thinking about surrendering to him, no matter how much you want your cunt stuffed full of him right now.

“I don’love yooou-” you gasp as katsuki’s grip onto your waist tightens and you feel as he gives a thrust into your sopping cunt, arching your back at the burning stretch of being filled up by his thick cock. Katsuki’s hand traces down your left thigh before cupping behind your knee, hiking your leg up and out, close to your chest to expose more of yourself to him, wanting nothing more than to see his dick seething in and out of your tight pretty pussy, and by almost muscle memory, you did the same thing with your right leg, replacing his hands with your own, presenting yourself to him.

“Y’see that? Fuckin’ know you like the back of m’hand, y’think someones gonna- ah, take the fucking time to work you like I did?” he's right, absolutely right, he ruined you for any other potential lovers and he loved it with every fiber in his being, knowing this means you’re always going to be wrapped around his finger. You moan as he pushes more of himself into you, bottoming out and holding one of your tits and squeezing when he feels your walls do the same to his cock.

You hate it, after all this time, you’re still a blubbering mess the second he was one fucking inch deep in your pussy, sucking him in and clawing at his back begging for more. No self respect, no dignity, you hate it, how come after all this time he gets to come here and fuck you like you belong to him, like you’ve belonged to him despite everything that has happened.

You only realize that your eyes are closed when Katsuki’s breath hits your face, and you open them wide, noting how wet your lashes have gotten from your tears, only for him to kiss at the tears gliding along your right temple and licking the ones on your left. He breathes out a chuckle and when he leans to look at your eyes, the humor and menace you expect to see in his eyes are nowhere to be found, clouded by a solemn look instead.

“What? Yer cryin on me now, huh? Y’think a few tears are stoppin’ me?” His voice is masked so well, because he sounds like he was simply enjoying a game, like an imp that had branched from a demon. “C’mon, not gonna tell the birthday boy you love’em?”

“I don't love you, I hate you, h-hate you-” you keen as drool pools at your lips, your body betraying you as it shakes from pleasure, letting go of your legs to wrap them around his slim waist, to bring him in closer, if that was even possible, stopping his deep thrusts that were brushing up against your cervix, it feels pathetic, denying him the pleasure of telling him you love him while clinging onto him like he's your last breath of fresh air, because in a way, you feel like he is, like him leaving would just collapse your lungs and stop your heart from beating, you know that he’s gonna leave you. While your spent body would lay on your bed and you'd cry because you didn't tell him you love him, yet you wouldn’t ask him to stay, knowing deep down that you don't deserve it, you don't deserve him.

You feel his weight on top of you as he rests his elbows by your head, his lips brushing against your ear as he repeats again with every shallow thrust into your warm insides, his cock twitching from time to time in your walls. “You love me.” he says it once, twice, thrice. Every time his voice lowers more and more to a broken whisper, almost a plea instead of the cocky taunt he started off with.

Your legs are starting to ache from the grip they have around him, so you loosen up, your mind easy since his thrusts haven’t been rough nor painful. And when you do, you notice two things immediately, first, your thighs are so soaked from how he's making you feel, probably ruining your bedsheet at this point, second, he pushed his chest away from yours to look you directly in the eyes, one hand molding around your thigh to keep it from wrapping around him again while the other is placed on your stomach, his thumb inching closer and closer to your clit, wanting to toy with it, toy with you, but not ready to give you any satisfaction until you admit to him, please just tell him, that you do still love him. All insecurities, all battle scars, all emotional constipation as layers he covers himself with, that no one gives a fuck to peel off, to see who he really was, except you.

His red eyes lock onto yours as your chest heaves with breathless sobs at the lost of his warmth, and when you think he's lowering himself back down, he pulls out suddenly, sending a  shiver down your spine as you gasp, now feeling like you're frozen over, your tears coming from lack of both pleasure and warmth.

Suddenly your face is met with the pillow and you feel his hands on your hips as he lifts them up and off the bed, your half intoxicated, half aroused mind barely registering that you’ve been flipped over on your stomach until you feel his cock prodding at your cunt, easily sliding in like they’ve been made to be warmed up in there, when you know Katsuki would argue that your pussy was made just for him and to warm his dick.

He presses his chest against your back, pushing you onto the bed as he thrusts his hips roughly, pulling out fully before seething himself right back in, your moans and whimpers muffled by your pillow from being pushed down by his hand as his other holds your hips firmly. 

Then what happened next probably shocked him more than you, despite how delirious you’ve become due to his relentless thrusting, his dripping tears feel cool on your bare warm shoulder, one by one as his groans and moans turn into strangled sobs, before Katsuki digs his teeth into that shoulder, to both hear you scream and to muffle his cries from you. 

“because I love you” he sobs, detaching his teeth from their grip and kissing the bite marks before resting his forehead against it, but his thrusts never cease, getting sloppier, as if the confession is pushing him off the edge. Dragging the tip of his nose from your bitten and bleeding shoulder to the back of your ear, his own face flush and warm against you as he breathes harshly against your ear and kisses along it.

“So-” he moans again, the hand behind your neck now turning your face so he could see your fucked out expression, the tears streaming down your face and the drool that pools under your cheeks, with your tongue lolled out and your eyes barely focusing on his form.

“You better say you do too, becau-”

“I love you.” you gush, like saying it is a breath of fresh air, your eyes never leaving his teary ones, your gaze so intense and fixated on him with no regards to the way the snapping of his hips against yours is shaking your entire body against the bed. 

With new found vigor from your confession, Katsuki grabs onto the meat of your ass, hammering into you from behind with force that pushes you against the bed even further, your pulled hair jerking your head back so he can listen to the lewd noises you are making, long forgotten the will to cover your pleasure and hiding your moans.

Your ass heavily slaps against his thighs as he grabs your hips with both hands and pounds into your sopping wet cunt, relishing in the way you’re begging for him. “Y’like it when I fuck you baby, hmm? Like it when I stuff you so fuckin’ full of me?” He growls, feeling you push your ass back every time you repeat ‘yes’ to his questions. “Yes, yes love it, love you, please please don’t stop, please ‘Suki. Yes, gonna cum ‘Suki please” you weep, your head pounding from the grip he had on your hair and your eyes crossing as you feel his thrusts stutter, getting sloppier when you bounce your ass against him, his hand coming down and slapping it.

“That's fuckin’ right, cum on this cock, c’mon baby” he brings four of his fingers to rub your clit with urgency, and you can’t help but arch your back as your orgasm hits you again, screeching as you feel your walls tightening on him, squeezing him for what he’s worth. “F-fuck ah, y-you’re so- Fuck” his heavy weight falls on you as he fills you to the brim with his milky seed, forehead pressed against your shoulder as he rocks his hips against you, pushing more of his load inside before slowly pulling out, gaze flutters down to where your bodies were once joined, seeing your mixed arousal seeping out of your hole and he has half a mind to push it back in with his fingers.

But he flips you over effortlessly, the sight of your crossed out eyes and wet cheeks squeezing his chest at the realization he might’ve been too rough on you, so he wipes your cheek with the palm of his hands and revels in the way you lean towards him, turning your face to kiss his palm. “Say it again.” barely a whisper, as you flip his hand and kiss the back of it as well, and he almost repeats himself, thinking you didn’t hear him, but your hands reach up and cup his face, bringing him towards you. “I love you Katsuki” and goddamn if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever spoken. “Again,” “I love you, Katsuki” “Again,” you giggle, and he knows that's probably what angels sound like.

Your thumb brushes over his warm cheeks, red from showing vulnerability, and you pull him even closer, “Happy birthday, ‘Suki.”

“Yea,” He breaths out, his lips barely brushing against your bitten and bruised ones. “It really fuckin’ is.”

aaaaaaaaah! Hope you enjoyed it! Lemme know what you think of the smut, I also changed my writing style from past tenses to present tenses or tried to at least

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