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#or if they did listen to me they invalidated how i felt or weren’t actually hearing what i was saying
chloe-brennan · 2 years
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just gonna vent in the tags lol (there is a mention of suicidal thoughts tho so if you do read the tags, be warned)
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cooki3face · 1 year
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Hopefully this isn’t overlooked. Listen to me lol
I saw something on TikTok that said:
“I want to share something my therapist said that blew my mind:
"Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that loves you.
I know someone needed to hear that.”
And I thought about it, of course I knew this, I always say something similar actually, but it reminded me of something that my ex boyfriend said to me the morning that I left him for invalidating my emotions, for gaslighting me, for ignoring me or causing me to repeat myself more than once after I had communicated to him my needs, what made me feel mistreated and mishandled in terms of his behavior and many other things, he said; “and honestly as spiritual as you are you are very angry at everything. It’s holding you back just learn that reaction is 99% of what happens. I’m genuinely saying this for you to take in because I know you’re a girl so emotion is harder to control but you react so rash to certain stuff.” And of course, I thought this was extremely frustrating. This is coming from someone who cannot validate and express his own emotions properly due to people not validating his emotions and handling him with care as a child but that is besides the point it’s only context as to why he says and believes the things he does. I thought that this was frustrating because, he see’s me being upset about a number of things but he doesn’t ever understand why, I’m upset due to mistreatment, I’m upset because there is a part of me who knows what feels good and what doesn’t, I am upset because there is a difference between being handled with care and not being handled properly and I know the difference between the two very well. I am upset, I am angry and I am frustrated because I ask that I am valued, I ask that I am supported, I ask that I am seen and heard, I ask that the person I choose to shift my complete focus to honors and values me enough to do all of those things without claiming that what I am asking for is a burden or is too difficult or expensive. I use my ability to feel things honestly and throughly, I use my ability to be upset or angry, to identify when the treatment I am receiving is acceptable or not. I was angry because I was being mistreated and to him I was angry for no reason or for reasons that weren’t important or didn’t matter to him more than the superficial things he chose to cling to most. Listen to your emotions, value them, stay true to them. And find someone who takes your emotions and your frustration as personal as you do so you know that they will make changes. I realized that my frustration and my pain and my anger didn’t inspire or evoke the same emotions within him FOR ME because he simply did not care about how I felt and therefore did not intend to change his behavior. ~Long post sorry <3
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monochromayhem · 1 year
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Partner Sys Appreciation Post!
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(Face covered for privacy. Will remove on request from our darlings.)
By the Gods I love our partner sys so damn much.
Like… when I first met them I was nervous because they were loud and very opinionated, but as I listened I realized they had a lot of good opinions and sentiments that I agree with. The need to care for our homeless, maybe use the empty buildings across our nation for SOMETHING… fuck, even the one John McCain thing I agree with— giving a fuck about our veterans’ mental and physical and financial health— they just…
The understand the difference between a meritocracy and a technocracy. The former I can get behind it for some ungodly reason our socialist paradise can never come to fruition— the idea that decisions about topics should be handled by people who actually know about those topics. But technocracy, the idea of the most academic controlling our country? It’s borderline eugenic.
Getting off topic, but needless to say that we agree on most things politically, and the discrepancies we have, we work out and talk and try to understand each other.
And that’s not even getting into the individual relationships!!! I (Chrome) have held a steady relationship with five members of their in a screwy polycule and then I’ve held flirtations towards others, camaraderie with even more… even though I’m a nervous wreck I feel blessed to around them.
Midas— I want you to know that I love how you just… know when to lay on top of me. I’ve got the ‘Tism real bad, babe. Like, the whole Burger. I know I need to better communicate when I need physical comfort but your gestures of trying to satiate the changeling hell-brain… fuck I’m gonna cry. And what I said about your thought-provoking political talks— I want to talk late into the night, I wanna watch full-length videos on despicable human beings so we can both talk about difficult issues because I feel safe talking about it with you. I love the honesty we can find in our common ground.
Inni- you have come such a long way since you and Finn chose to be separate beings. I know the haters will try to invalidate you two for the head hopping but I know for sure that you are there. I want you to know that I love everything you’ve chosen for yourself, wanting to leave behind the ugly legacy of your world for a new adventure. Most of all- your desire to protect all of us from creeps is so fucking admirable. Yes, you were there for that. I didn’t forget.
Calli- gorgeous Angel, lovely kisses and warmest of hugs on a cold winter night. Your protective spirit is something I strive to achieve every day. You have been a muse to goodwill and I want you to know that you are so friggin fine. I know the cule talks about your curves to death, so lemme add something that I find beautiful: the line that you tread between gentle and genuinely terrifying, being literally you world’s version of Hell,,,, mmmmmmm yes
Mimic- Mr. Mimic. You weren’t at our system for long before you found home over there. But that’s okay. Because you show your love through your diligence. You keep the partner sys safe from dehydration, just as you did for us while we got sick with COVID and split you. Your service to our family is clearly out of both loyalty and love. I love you for your willingness to put your money where your mouth is and I love your little beak.
Saint— you… you get it. You get the feelings that I’ve run from for so damn long. I know we don’t spend enough time together but I want to set the record straight— it isn’t just “he’s a Mobian-esque jackal”. It’s that from minute fucking one, I was invested in you because I wanted to see you flourish. You deserved love and I wanted to give that to you. I want to see you happy and I hope I’ve accomplished anything close.
I only talked about the polycule this time around but rest assured there are plenty more things that I could say. I just… I love them and I can’t wait for the perfect moment to ask them properly to marry us because I’ve never felt this safe being ourselves around anybody. Anybody at all.
I love you. I love you all.
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henriettasyarn · 2 months
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The Scientific Method Turning Thirty:
Chapter One - Part One of Three, by @henriettasyarn
Have you ever felt something and then immediately felt like you weren’t allowed to feel that way? Or that, for some reason, that feeling was only reserved for people who “have actually been through something?” I just did this, for probably the one millionth time in my life, and for the first time I told myself, “No, this feeling is valid, you are allowed to have this feeling. This feeling is relevant. This feeling is real.”
            I don’t know if this moment of self-actualization was a result of my first brain-spotting therapy session yesterday or if the sticker on my fridge that reads, “your feelings are valid,” finally stuck, if you will. It could also be the result of one of the other ten variables I’ve thrown into my life since the impending doom of my thirtieth birthday took over my consciousness (and subconsciousness). Just as we were told in 9th grade biology, you can’t isolate the variable if you have no control, and you can’t analyze your hypothesis without dispersing your variables among individual samples — how the hell am I supposed to know what’s working? What is my control, my baseline? Is there even such a thing as a human baseline?
            Yesterday, my very experienced, yet very new to me, therapist had the [dis]pleasure of listening to a summary of my relationship with my husband since we moved in together in February of 2016 (today is December 1, 2023). That summary focused on the multiple degrees we’ve finished and started since we met and the multiple jobs Adam has started and finished since we met. It was a preface to the brain-spotting therapy, in which you are to dial in on a specific anxiety, trauma, phobia, or otherwise thought-controlling parasite, and find its locale in the back of your brain by staring at a little tiny white ball as it slowly moves around your face on X, Y, and Z axes. When asked which anxiety I wanted to focus on for my first session, I chose the “safe” one. I chose my relationship. I only went back 8 years and I was scared of divulging any further because I’m still unsure if any of my childhood struggles qualify as legitimate. But, anxiety and fear and guilt and resentment compound overtime. The “me” I am with Adam is the me that’s evolved from my childhood.
            I know very little about my parents’ relationship. They met in college, they got married in college, they finished college, they had my brother, my dad went back to college, they had me, and then three years later they got divorced. From my mom’s perspective, my dad was not helping her enough with the kids and the house. He was always forgetting to take out the trash and he kept going back to school to get more degrees. He was your average, undiagnosed, ADHD adult. From my dad’s perspective, he was blindsided. He had no idea she was unhappy until the divorce papers were served. As I type this, I’m realizing how much my marriage has been influenced by theirs; a marriage about which I know exactly seven facts. I might harbor some resentment towards them for not trying hard enough. I might give Adam too many chances to get it together because I am horribly afraid of making the same mistakes my parents did. And here I am again, not committing to my feelings: adding qualifiers just in case they’re wrong or invalid. I do resent my parents for not trying harder to stay together for my brother and me. I am actively compensating for this childhood disappointment in my own marriage.
            My mother-in-law, Lena, loves to say the words, “well, you’re stuck with us.” She reminds me that I’m stuck with her/her family at extremely random times, without pattern or reason. It’s her go-to remark after anything happens to which she assumes I might have an adverse reaction. I hate it. Firstly, I am never stuck. I am free. I wake up every day and choose to love Adam. That choice is not a requirement of me by God or anyone; it is derived of my own free-will. Secondly, my choice to love my husband has nothing to do with her or her family. Right now, I feel myself getting worked up and cozying up to cruelty. I’m going to let it ride, this is a journey of self-discovery, after all. I don’t understand my husband’s family. They believe in and worship a false god and their god sucks. Their god is hateful. Their god haunts my husband. Their god has told them to believe that prayer alone can heal a broken bone and that fake, aggrandizing, displays of emotion are the key to salvation. Their god has told them that a woman’s only path to salvation is through childbirth. It is a false god. The disdain that the matriarch, nicknamed “Sprinkles”, has for me oozes out of every orifice of her body. I have ruined her perfect record of great-grandchildren. Adam, her only childless grandchild, married a woman who “isn’t even going to share her breasts.” The quote is there because she actually fucking said that at my sister-in-law’s second wedding.
            Sprinkles is not the problem. Lena is not the problem. Hell, the false god isn’t even the problem. The problem is the masking. Recently, I was at a funeral for a coworker of mine. In his eulogy, the Pastor remarked on how David was the same David to every one he met. Whether he was at church, with family and friends or with co-workers, you always had the same David. The “takeaway” that the Pastor was angling towards was to encourage us, his family, friends, coworkers and fellow parishioners, to be more like David by being our true, authentic selves, no matter the circumstances. It’s a common theme for eulogists, motivational speakers and TikTokers everywhere — just be you and if they don’t love you for you, they aren’t worth keeping around anyways. In opposition to this age-old lesson on authenticity was Adam’s pentecostal upbringing.
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seriouslysnape · 3 years
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Miscommunication (pt.2)
James Potter x Remus Lupin x Sirius Black x Fem! Reader
Warnings: Language. Poly! relationship. 
A/N: Part 1 is here!
Word Count: 3,376
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
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It had been three weeks since you had stormed out of the boys’ dorm in a scurry of anger. It had also been three weeks since you had touched, talked to, or even spared Sirius a passing glance. As far as you were concerned, he didn’t even exist. Despite your dramatic exit, Sirius was confident that you’d crack soon enough and come running back to him, begging for forgiveness. But the more time that passed, the more that he was beginning to realize that might not be the case.
In a general sense, life continued on as it always had. You walked through the Hogwarts’ corridors with the three Gryffindors, laughing at James’ jokes and blushing red under Remus’ kisses. You gave all your love and time to James and Remus, not offering Sirius a drop of your attention. 
He tried to ignore it. He tried to brush it off like it didn’t bother him and like it didn’t make a difference whether you were with him or not. His attempts to drown you out the way you had been drowning him out were successful at first, but it only took about a week for him to realize how much this was killing him.
In the mornings, you woke James or Remus up (depending on whose bed you slept in the night before) with bubbly kisses and sweet giggles, something that you had always done for all three of the boys’ wake up calls. Sirius had gone almost 23 days (but not like he was COUNTING or anything) since he had any kind of interaction with you.
No cuddles.
No hugs.
No kisses.
Nothing.
The whole situation put James and Remus into a bit of an awkward position. You were on great terms with the two of them, considering they hadn’t insulted you and invalidated your feelings right in your face. This was a difficult challenge to tackle, because they felt guilty for continuing to love up on you when Sirius wasn’t getting his usual share. This was a rather particular arrangement that had taken lots of trial and error to make the right adjustments. Now that the balance had been thrown off, the whole thing didn’t feel right.
James and Remus had both tried to convince you to talk things out with Sirius. They knew that deep down this wasn’t what you wanted, and things couldn’t go on like this forever. James and Remus knew Sirius better than anybody. They were fully aware that Sirius was regretting what he had done and was kicking himself for it...even if Sirius wouldn’t show it or admit to it. 
Sirius was beginning to lose precious sleep over this. He tossed and turned in his bed that had grown so lonely without you. His arms felt so empty not being wrapped around you, holding you snugly to his body. Suddenly, he didn’t have anyone to help him with his Potions homework or someone to remind him about his Transfiguration exam coming up. He didn’t have the girl that completed the complex puzzle that was Sirius Black. He felt so unfinished without you.
He missed you.
But his pride was winning out.
“How’s the brat today?” Sirius questioned dryly, not even looking up from his Herbology textbook in his lap.
“Sirius.” Remus and James echoed, clearly displeased at Sirius’ cold name for you.
Over the last three weeks, Sirius would ask about you when you weren’t around and he was alone with the boys. He would ask how you were doing, but what he really wanted to know was if you had said anything about him or given any indications that you were close to giving in. James and Remus were growing impatient with Sirius. They had tried to step back, allowing both yourself and Sirius to have time to allow your fog of frustration to air out. They had hoped that Sirius would come around to realize that he had been wrong in all kinds of ways, and you both could work it out on your own.
Between stepping all over your feelings like they were a sidewalk and calling you a bitch for being rightfully upset, Sirius had one too many strikeouts on his record.
“What? If she’s going to act like a child, then I’ll treat her like one.” Sirius growled.
James crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in the chair that he was sitting in by the common room’s fireplace. Remus watched the two of them from over the rim of his cup that contained his favorite hot tea. 
“She’s hurt, Sirius. You hurt her,” James snarled, eyebrows furrowed in agitation, “I don’t blame her for not wanting to talk to you.”
“Did you not hear the things she said to me? She was totally out of line.” Sirius argued, his demeanor going rigid and his defensive mode kicking into high gear.
“Because you pushed her too hard,” Remus cut in, “She has every right to be upset.”
Sirius was shocked that they were taking your side over his. You were never allowed to speak to any of them the way you had talked to Sirius that day. You weren’t allowed to talk back, get an attitude, touch yourself without permission, as well as other rules that had been established early on in the relationship. They all took the rules very seriously, and the fact that James and Remus were brushing it off was mind boggling to Sirius.
“I didn’t push her at all. She caught an attitude with me.” Sirius remarked tossing his textbook aside.
“Because you don’t always treat her the way you should,” Remus snapped, “All she wanted was for you to listen and talk to her.” 
“Do I not already do enough for her? I walk her to class, I let her sleep with me, not to mention that I fuck her pretty much whenever she wants,” Sirius pointed out, “And now I’m still not doing enough?”
James shook his head, sighing harshly. He was disappointed that he still wasn’t getting it. 
“She’s our girl, Padfoot. She responds so well to Moony and me because she knows how much we love her,” James explained, “You’ve got to start treating her like you love her.”
Sirius’ hardened features went light at what James was saying. He looked between his two best friends, who were sharing matching expressions of urgency. Sirius felt a sickening feeling creeping into his stomach that he could feel all the way up into his throat. Had you gone this whole time thinking that he didn’t love you like the other two did?
“But...I do love her.” Sirius spoke, almost in a whisper.
James and Remus looked at one another briefly, a bit relieved that he was maybe starting to see clearly now.
“She doesn’t know that. You’re going to lose her for good if you don’t change some things, Pads.” Remus added once he saw that Sirius was beginning to have a serious breakthrough moment.
That surely got Sirius’ attention. That wasn’t something he wanted at all. It made his heart hurt even to think about possibly never being with you again. He had to fix this, no matter what he had to do or say.
He just hoped that it wasn’t too late.
The remorse and the contrition that he was feeling that had been building up in him over the last three weeks was finally seeping through the cracks of the surface. It was like a fire that just kept spreading and spreading until the only thing he could see were the hot, orange flames and black smoke that would suffocate him if he breathed in too hard. It was like a switch had flipped. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t care about his pride or his image or his dignity. 
He just wanted you back.
So, the boys began to devise a plan. Sirius admitted that he didn’t know how to even begin apologizing to you. He wasn’t great with apologies, considering that even the word ‘sorry’ probably had only fallen from his mouth only a couple of times in his life. This was going to take some calculation and planning to get it right. 
You had been doing a bang up job of ensuring that you weren’t ever alone with Sirius. You made sure that either James or Remus was by your side whenever you were in Sirius’ presence, to avoid being forced to speak to him. Remus and James were confident that they could get you two in a room alone together. That was the easy part. The hard part would fall to Sirius, which came down to the actual apology.
James and Remus knew you’d be suspicious if Sirius apologized first. You’d likely only think he was apologizing because he was touch starved and wanted sex, not because he cared about you and was terrified of losing you. In their eyes though, as long as he was honest and didn’t lose his cool, you’d be able to see his real intentions.
Remus had told you to meet him in their dorm, and that no one would be there until later in the day. That seemed pretty normal to you, so you didn’t even give it a second thought. The dorm was empty when you arrived, prompting you to slip out of your uniform and into one of Remus’ sweaters all while getting comfortable on his bed. Shortly after you were settled, the three boys congregated just outside the door, whispering in their semi-circle formation.
“You got this, mate. Just be normal and be honest,” James instructed, “I guarantee you that she’s missing you just as much.”
Sirius was nervous. Not because he didn’t know what to say or what to do, but because he had half convinced himself that you had already decided he wasn’t worth your time anymore. He couldn’t live with himself if he was the reason you had left him.
“We’ll be out here just in case you need us,” Remus piped up, “It’s gonna be fine, Pads.”
James and Remus gave Sirius reassuring grins as Sirius took a deep breath before turning the knob of the door. He entered the small dorm room, his heart fluttering when he saw you sitting on Remus’ mattress. Your head snapped up, your face full of delightful expectation for Remus, but it faded just as fast as it came when you saw it was Sirius. He definitely noticed, but tried not to take it to heart. Your eyes were locked in with his, and you could already tell something was up.
“Hey.” Sirius said plainly, and in a bit of a squeak.
“Hi.” You replied.
He was honestly surprised that you actually gave him an answer. He thought you might’ve ignored him completely. The joyous relief that he felt from you actually talking to him was almost enough to send him to his knees, pleading for you to give him another chance. 
His gaze did shift to the book that was placed next to you. It was your Herbology textbook, the same one that Sirius had been studying from earlier that day.
“Studying for Herbology?” Sirius asked, but obviously that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about.
“Yeah,” You answered, unsure of what exactly was happening, “I was just waiting for Remus.”
Sirius nodded, avoiding the sting that burned in his chest at the reminder that he hadn’t truly seen you in almost a month. You looked so comfortable in the large sweater and the blanket that was draped over your lap. Your hair was slightly messy from the breeze outside that you had walked through to get here. Your skin was glowing from the warmth of their room and the sudden interaction you were having with Sirius.
You looked perfect to him.
He knew he needed to say something now. He needed to kick start this conversation before things got awkward and weird. Although, he never minded silence as long as he had you to occupy his every thought. All the things that he had planned to say were abruptly wiped from his mind. He was going out on a limb here, totally about to wing this. He just had to go for it.
“Can I sit?” He questioned, referring to the slight open space next to you.
You nodded hesitantly, shifting over so he could have a little more room. He sat down just about a foot in front of you, both of you turning to face each other. James and Remus were just outside the door, their ears pressed up against the door to be sure they didn’t miss anything.
Sirius looked at you for a few moments, taking in your curious, attentive behavior. He took a breath, and spoke again, but it came out as more of a ramble.
“Baby, I know I’ve hurt your feelings. I didn’t want or mean to hurt your feelings, but sometimes I just say stupid shit and then I’m too proud to admit that I said something stupid and...” He trailed off when he realized that so far he wasn’t saying anything that you didn’t already know. 
This was yet another reminder that Sirius wasn’t a great talker. But he wanted to let you know the things that you didn’t already know. He wanted you to know that he was truly sorry. He was sorry for ever making you feel like you weren’t worth anything to him. 
He wanted you to know that you were his world.
“I miss you,” He began again, preparing for any possible reaction from you,  “I’m sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry that I hurt you...I never, ever wanted to do that.”
Your silence wasn’t because you weren’t believing what he was saying or because you didn’t want to listen. You were silent because you were floored that this was happening. Never in a million years did you think that you’d be sitting here listening to a real, heartfelt apology from Sirius Black. The thought of you leaving him had really scared him, and you could see it.
“I know I’m different from Moony and Prongs. They’re a bit better at this than I am,” He admitted, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
Truth be told, you weren’t really mad at Sirius anymore. You could never stay angry at him. Your whole avoid-Sirius-at-all-costs routine hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park for you either. There were several times where you were tempted to just let it go and forget about it. But now you were glad that you hadn’t done that, because you would’ve lost this opportunity to understand one another a little better.
“All I had wanted that day was to talk to you. I like talking to you,” You explained, “I just get frustrated when you don’t want to listen and the only thing you can think about is fucking me.”
Sirius sighed, his eyes diverting to his hands that were fiddling with the edge of the blanket in your lap. He had known that the other two boys were right, but hearing it come from you made him feel even more guilty.
“I know. I guess I’m just not good at talking. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just...not what I’m good at. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t important,” Sirius confessed, “But I do love you. And I don’t want to go another day without you.”
Another silence filled the room, one that had Sirius’ heart pounding in his chest. He felt like his entire life was on the line. Like, his entire fate was resting on whatever you were going to say or do next. You had every right to get up and walk out and never speak to him again. He knew he had crossed so many lines so many times that it was a wonder you were still here. He just hoped that you’d give him another chance. He hoped that he deserved another chance.
You were starstruck. You were completely touched and moved by what he had said. Maybe it wasn’t the most flawless apology ever. Maybe it was a little rough around the edges with a couple of hiccups. But deep down it was true, honest, and pure. 
Just like the Sirius Black that you had come to love.
He didn’t have anything else to say, and he hoped that what he had said was enough. Your warm hand came to his face, his head lulling into your palm when you brought his worried eyes to look at you once more. 
“I love you. I promise you don’t have to go without me anymore.” You smiled, accepting his apology and offering your forgiveness.
All color returned to Sirius’ face, his shoulders relaxing and his chest releasing a bated breath. You captured his lips into a needy kiss, one that was nothing short of long awaited. Sirius’ hands came to the side of your neck, his blood pumping in his ears. He had missed this. 
He had missed you.
He was even more thrilled when you crawled over into his lap, his hands guiding your legs around him as he refused to let you go from his lips. Although, when the other two boys came bursting in, your hot make out session was forced to a halt. They came in as if they had no idea what was going on, fake surprised expressions plastered on their faces.
“Well, hello there.” James chided with a smirk.
“Did we miss something?” Remus asked.
You and Sirius only laughed, as the four of you crammed together on Remus’ bed. Sirius continued to pepper kisses wherever he could while you craned your head to look at James as he spoke.
“So, I guess the two of you got things worked out?” James acquired. 
“We sure did.” You smiled, giggling when Sirius’ kisses brushed against a particularly sensitive spot on your neck.
Your lips found his again, Sirius leaning you back onto the mattress and keeping secured there. When your breathing began to get heavy and your noises became a little hungrier, James and Remus announced their exit.
“Well, I suppose Prongs and I will leave you to it.” Remus winked.
Sirius broke the kiss only to respond, but that didn’t stop you from leaning upwards to suck on his pulse point, not even phased by what Remus had said.
“You two aren’t going to stick around?” Sirius wondered, groaning as your hips rolled into his quickly hardening dick through his pants.
James shrugged.
“We’ll let it slide this time,” He said triumphantly, ushering Remus out the door, “Besides, the two of you have some catching up to do.”
Sirius let out a guttural laugh as he took a moment to look down at you. You looked so beautiful sprawled out underneath him; your lips swollen from the kissing and your eyes blown with lustful expectation. He knew he’d never be able to take you for granted again.
“My pretty girl...” He mewled, “I love you. A million times over I’ll tell you that I love you.”
“I love you, Siri,” You hummed, swiping a loose piece of hair from his forehead, “Now make me cum the way I know you know how to.”
Sirius chuckled lowly at your boldness, his pupils dilating at the flush of arousal that sent through him. You knew better than to tell him how to run his show, but he knew this was a special occasion, so he didn’t mind taking an order or two. 
“Well, now, what happened to ‘sex doesn’t fix everything’?” Sirius joked.
“It doesn’t, but we already fixed what needed to be fixed by talking,” You smiled, “Now we just both get something we want.”
Sirius laughed out loud, continuing his shower of kisses and swiping your skirt off in one swift move, your body squirming with anticipation. He felt confident that things would be better now. He was more than thankful that he had another shot at this. He was happy he had you back, and the four of you could go back to normal.
And now things would be even better than before.
***
Tags: @justadreamyhufflepuff​ @satellitespidey​ @blackpinkdolan​ @gubleryum​ @gxtitobxby​ @risingtripletaurus​​
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cartierbin · 3 years
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pls could you do a dilf!minho smut? haha your dilf ones are so good
ofc baby. tysm.
『 pairing — minho x reader
genre — smut, + dilf!minho but sex therapist type shit
word count — 1.532k 』
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smut under the cut !
“I don’t know what it is to be quite honest with you”. you muttered, fiddling your fingers and hastily checking the clock every five minutes. it could’ve been any minute until your husband came home, and you knew he was going to ask you where you were. the last thing you wanted to say was that you were out in the late hours of the night, seeking help from your therapist. especially your sex therapist.
dr. lee minho shifts a little his seat, his muscular yet lean body complimented his grey suit perfectly, and his circular lenses made him look that much more enticing. his jet black hair was parted to the left without flaw. your therapist was sexy and he knew it. and most importantly you knew it. It was hard to believe this was a man with three children. he glides his tongue over the span of his parched lips and continued scribbling in his notes. when his eyes focused back on you they were serious. for some reason whenever he gazed at you it almost looked as if he was reading you, like he was prepared to tell you your future out of a crystal ball. he held knowledge and wisdom in his eyes even if he didn’t say much of anything. “what you have to understand is that communication in the bedroom is really essential. if you and your partner are not communicating then you will never get what you need”. he always talked with his hands too, he was confident with every word and it’s clear that he knew what he was talking about. and if he wasn’t he was for damn sure good at hiding his uncertainty. “that’s the thing I don’t know where to start. I ask him if he wants to try new things but he turns all of my ideas down and I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m afraid if this continues I don’t think this relationship would last. does that sound childish of me? shifting away from him because of the sex?”.
“baby what I need you to do first is stop tearing yourself down with this. don’t invalidate your feelings. sex in a relationship is just as important as everything else and we’re only humans, we have needs. and we want our partners to be able to meet them. I think your dilemma is stemming from the fact that you think you’re being too pushy if you ask for more. and you need to stop that”. it wasn’t until you started coming to his sessions where you realized someone could talk in such a demanding tone but yet so loving. he never spoke as if he knew it all even though he did, but he spoke as if he sincerely loved you and only wanted the best for you. you nod at his response taking heed to his advice. he continues, “and once you stop that you’ll be able to ask without that weighty feeling on your shoulders”. you nod yet again, all of a sudden feeling kind of fidgety and anxious. “so where do I began?”. he places his notepad on the table beside him and stands to his feet, ushering you over with a hand. when you stood up you were fairly intimidated by his austere demeanor. you knew he was probably a playful man outside of the office but in it, he was much different. he guided you to the long mirror between two potted plants, making you stand right in front of him. you practically shuddered once you gazed right past your reflection and directly at his while he was standing directly behind you.
“loosen up a little. we’re going to do an exercise”. you nod, “what is it?”. he licks his lips again and makes a ponytail out of your hair, bringing it all behind your shoulders so you could get a clear view of yourself. you grew hot in the face from his gestures. “I’m going to be your husband. and you’re going to look into this mirror and tell me what you want more of. no matter what is it I’ll have to listen to you. this will help you gain confidence in yourself so when it happens in real time you’ll be prepared and not embarrassed when you hear yourself”. your heart steadily pounded at his request. you kindly obliged to his orders. “before we start I’d like to know if it’s okay to touch you?”. you agreed to that request as well, not really caring where and how. you weren’t prepared for him to immediately attached his lips to your neck, peppering specks of kisses along the coast of your shoulders. his lips were so gentle and heedful, kind of like the way he spoke. you stood there for a while tensed, not knowing what to do and being absolutely frozen on the tingling feelings his lips left you with. he spoke into his next kiss, “go on, tell me what you want”. your eyes fell to his veiny calloused hands and you couldn’t believe what you were about to say but you had to say it. it was apart of the exercise after all. “I want you to touch me”. you admitted weakly, your voice going hoarse between syllables. you were nervous and you didn’t know what to expect. his mouth moved further up your neck and you could see his arm slither around your waist to the front button of your jeans, undoing them and zipping down your zipper. you stopped breathing completely once he crammed his hand inside the front of your panties.
“stop sounding like that. control your voice”. he demanded, you gulped hard and twitched when you felt his fingertips rub the surface of your already moistened folds. “rub my clit please”. you sort of whined. he followed suit, circling it around lazily. your heart was throbbing in your ears. he wasn’t even doing much and it felt fucking good. you drew in a sharp breath, realizing that watching yourself get touched in a mirror was ten times hotter than you thought it would be. he swivels his head over to the other side of your neck, catching abandoned spots of skin in between his lips to suck. “this is all you want baby?”. he spoke in a tone so dark you wanted to just fall to your knees. you were already starting to throb at his gestures. “can you rub it faster please?”. you stutter, mentally cursing at yourself for doing so and being oblivious to the fact that minho thought it was kind of sexy. he does so. “don’t leave it at that. tell me how wet you are. tell me what your pussy feels like”. he could feel his fingers becoming slippery with your slick, it was getting harder and harder to rub you. It turned him on but it was only obvious, you felt his bulge poking you from behind. you breathed, “my pussy is throbbing so hard I’m getting so wet-“. he languidly tongue kisses your jawline and an overwhelming wave washed over your body. “mm what do you need?”. electricity courses through your torso. it was hot the way his mouth moved passionately against your skin as if he’s known it for years. “I need you to stick your fingers inside me please”. with no hesitation he sunk his fingers into your hole going a bit deeper than he intended, but nonetheless proud of himself for making you arch your back against him. he could feel your slick sliding down his knuckles. “shit”. he unexpectedly groans, revealing to you how much he actually enjoyed this.
you shut your eyes tight while his fingers delve inside you steadily and pulled out at a measured pace. you began to whine and rub your ass against him in the process. “open your eyes for me. I want you to see yourself”. his voice made you want to collapse and his fingers moved so smoothly inside you you were starting think that he went to school for this. they were magic in between your legs and you didn’t want him to stop. your eyes fluttered open, one after the other and your mouth hung open. “tell me how it feels”. by now his lips was so close to your mouth you just wanted him to kiss you already. it was a tease the way his mouth ran over everything but your lips. but it was hard to ask for that when you were prompted with another question. you could barely think with him touching you like this. “it feels— it feels so fucking good oh my god”. the whimper in your eyes is what drove him insane. you looked so needy and burdened with want he wondered how and why your husband wasn’t doing this to you already. your thighs were threatened to clasp around his wrist, you didn’t know if you could take much more. his other hand snakes up your shirt and grasps your naked breasts, massaging one and pulling and tugging on your nipples. the feelings were foreign, your husband usually filled one night with one of these motions. It was never everything happening all at once like this. your pants became quicker, “faster”. you hummed, becoming more confident with your demands. you watched the outline of his fingers in your panties hastening their pace, finger fucking you at an intensity that had you reaching back just to clutch the fabric on his shoulder. you could wrap your mind around how perfect and skilled he was at doing this, well you couldn’t wrap your mind around anything for that matters. your head falls back into the crook of his neck and you reached down the grip his moving wrist. “fuck I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum so hard”. he sticks his tongue in your mouth and performs the hottest kiss you’ve ever felt in your married life. “yes keep talking like that”. he exhales sounding just as winded and breathless as you were. “I don’t think I can take it please my pussy is throbbing too hard”. you whine at the top of your lungs feeling his fingers deeper inside you. you could feel the palm of his hand rubbing your ass a little. “there you go, cum down my fingers”. he demands licking and sucking the skin of your neck until your eyes rolled to the back of your head in a mind blowing orgasm.
you were still bucking inside his hand as he rubbed all of the aftershocks right out of you, enjoying how much you were cumming especially since it was the first time you’ve came like that in years. you were limp and weak, and you just knew that your husband probably already texted you about twenty times trying to figure out where you were but you didn’t care. minho sneaks kisses to your hot earlobe. “from a professional standpoint I’m proud of you for speaking up for what you wanted. but aside from me being your therapist that was so fucking sexy”.
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maijobi · 3 years
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back to you
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dabi x reader
summary: when things don’t go well in your relationship, you find it best to end it... 
a/n: it has a good ending I promise. I did kinda hurt myself writing this I don't even know why. but sad dabi really does make me feel things.
———————————————————————
your hands were in your hair, doing your best to not pull every strand out of your scalp. your eyes were closed and you were doing your best to calm yourself down, counting down from ten.
“dabi, we have had this conversation for over a hundred times. you can’t control me. and why can’t you just trust me for once?”, you said, finally  opening your eyes and looking at dabi.
“fine”, he said clenching his jaw. “go. let all of those people see you. go. you know what, don’t come back tonight will you?”
“stop overreacting”, you said, breathing out heavily. “I'm sick and tired of you constantly telling me what to do. I'm your partner, not your child. I know my limits and I know what to look out for. and who are you to tell me to not come back tonight? this isn’t just your place. we live here with a bunch of losers, what makes you think you’re more special than them? what makes you think you overpower them? what makes you think you have more to say than us?”
he took a few steps closer to you and looked down at you with a wrinkled nose. “I just don’t like my partner going out where there are people that will look at them. I don’t like how you can’t keep your mouth shut around people and let them flirt with you. I can’t stand you going to places and not knowing your limit, when you claim you do.”
“just because I let people talk to me, doesn’t mean I'm letting them flirt with me?”, you confusedly said. “oh I apologize dabi. I apologize that I do not prefer to burn people to the ground when they give you a genuine smile. I apologize that I couldn’t become as great as you”, you sarcastically said while throwing your hands in the air and then dropping them. “do you hear how stupid you sound? we have this discussion almost every day, but I can’t seem to get some senses into you. I'm tired of this, dabi. I'm tired of having to explain myself every day when I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I can’t talk to anyone before I have you breathing against my neck telling me to stay away from that person.”
“sweetheart, dollface, sugar”, he said with gritted teeth, taking steps closer to you and holding on of your hand and placing it over his heart. “don’t make this harder for the both of us and just don’t go outside will you?”
you pulled your arm away from his grip. “not this time dabi. I'm sick of this. sick of you wanting to control everything I do. you wanting to have a dominant role in this relationship. why is that even needed? why can’t you treat me as an equal? can’t you for once just let me live? I'm tired, I'm tired of telling myself that you’ll change when you don’t”, you said, finally showing the frustration on your face. 
“and you think I'm having fun?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “you think I enjoy seeing you having fun with someone else? it hurts you just as much as it does me doll”, he said, raising his voice. “it’s also hard for me to see you flirting back with other people! know your fucking limits”, he said placing his hand on your chin and pulling it up slightly.
“don’t act like you are right here”, you sat, pulling your chin away from his grip and taking a step back. “for once. for fucking once accept that you can’t control everything I do and that you can’t overpower me. respect goes both ways, but I'm not seeing any on your accord.”
“now you’re just talking bullshit”, he said in a loud voice, laughing to shake off his frustration. “what does this even mean?! what is it that you’re trying to accomplish here? what is it that you so desperately want, huh? attention from someone else? if you’re not even gonna listen to my feelings, how am I supposed to take yours in account? you only do as you please and where does that bring us, huh?! where the fuck-!”
“that maybe perhaps we’re not meant for each other”, you interrupted him. “that maybe we’re just not fit for each other.”
his face dropped and you saw every emotion pass on his face. he was confused. he was confused as to the words you had just dared to speak, something he didn’t even think about once. to him this was normal, to him this was behavior that should be present in a relationship. to him, fighting everyday seemed normal. but his motives for this relationship seemed to be totally different from yours.
“you must be kidding no”, you said with a distressed smile. “h-how can you just easily say something like that?”
“because you made sure I did. if you just for once tried to understand me, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened.”
he walked closer to you and held your shouders. “you’re kidding right?”
“i’m not, dabi. I'm being very much serious right now. how can I continue this when my feelings are being invalidated on a daily basis? how am I supposed to respect you further when you literally treat me like your pet?”, you said a brushing off his grip on your shoulder. “I can’t do this when all of this only brings me anxiety and constant stress?”
he looked at you, lost in another world progressing what you had just said. it surely couldn’t have been true, you were joking right? but the expression on your face made him his eyes go larger and his mouth almost hung open. “y-you can’t be serious”, he said with a smile, but that soon dropped when he shook your head.
“i’m not”, you said turning around and walking to the door.
you didn’t turn around to look back at him, and he made no attempt to stop you. perhaps he hadn’t even believe that you actually left. or maybe he was just waiting for you to finally leave him. maybe this was for the better you thought, but for dabi this was a whole different experience. 
he was convinced you were coming back that night, he convinced himself that you would. so when you didn’t he totally lost it. the person that barely texted you had spammed you with messages and missed calls, leaving behind various emotions. he didn't know what he was feeling. this was all new to him.
dollface, you’re not serious right?
you’re coming back tonight right?
I'm sure you are...
you didn’t take me seriously, did you?
please come back.
please look at your messages.
it’s past midnight, please come back.
don’t scare me like this. just come back already. 
please...
you looked at your phone, tapping the corners or your phone. you decided to not answer, but that left you in a weird state of mind. you didn’t know what you were feeling. were you happy? sad? relieved? more stressed? you didn’t even know. you felt numb. 
you found your way to an old friend, asking if you could stay over until you figured out what you would do to survive. you locked your phone and threw it next to you on the bed. you allowed yourself to fall with your back on the mattress. you’d feel better in the morning, is what you tried to convince yourself. but would you really?
you woke up with a heavy headache. it was hard to even sit upright. but when you opened your eyes it was still dark. there was heavy rain outside and falling back asleep seemed like an impossible thing right now. 
you tapped on your phone letting it light up. 
3 a.m.
you sighed. what were you gonna do now? you felt too stressed to even close an eye. you didn’t know what you were supposed to do. you loved him and he probably loved you too, but this couldn’t go on forever.
you looked at your screen again, not missing all the messages he had left behind.
please I know I fucked up, but please just come back.
you can’t be doing this.
and many more messages like that had filled your phone. you frustratingly brushed your hand through your hair and sighed loudly. it felt wrong. it felt wrong to have left like that in the middle of an argument. but at the same time this had happened so many times that you couldn’t just do nothing. 
you rose from your bed, still not answering any of his messages. your phone rung every five minutes, but you just didn’t pick it up. you walked to the kitchen and filled a glass with water only to leave it on the counter after seeing his new messages.
I really need you.
I don’t need anybody else.
just you. so please, please come back.
you blinked once, then twice and then many more times. dabi had really said he needed you. the independent guy, who would refuse help from anyone had said he needed you. you weren’t sure what to do. you paced around the kitchen, biting down on your nail. your phone made a sound again.
I just really... can’t live without you.
you sighed loudly and with a quick steps you walked to the door. you put on your shoes and ran out the door taking the keys with you. the rain splashed on your skin, clothes and hair, making you soaked in an instant as you ran down the street. but you didn’t care. the only thing that ran through your head was wanting to see dabi. wanting to see him share his feelings and wanting to see him need you. 
even the bad memories had a good ending for you. every time you fought, you’d fix it together. so why couldn’t that be done now? why did you have to act so selfishly again? you knew you were partially right, but at the same time you knew this wasn’t right. all your memories with him flooded in your mind and it made you run faster.
your feet dragged you to the place you had thought he was, because you knew he wouldn’t be at the residence. he would be at the place that caused his trauma, but at the same time was his most visited place. 
the forest were he had supposedly died. the forest where his dad had refused to come to. the forest with his last memories of home.
you stopped in track when you saw his figure. his back facing you and his head looking up. he was wearing a front zip hoodie with the cap over his head. allowing the droplets to hit his face. he had heard something so he turned around.
when he saw you standing there in the rain he took one step and reached out his hand, but stopped when you only stared at him. you were out of breath, breathing in and out heavily as your chest heaved. 
you looked at him, seeing the sad expression on his face. you shook your head and started walking, but before you knew it you were running to him. you ran and when you reached him, you threw yourself on him, holding him like you never did before.
he was in shock, not being able to do anything, just allowing you to slowly pull him down for the hug. when you pulled away you held his face and searched it, but before he could say anything you crashed your lips against his, tasting the rain on them. it was still pouring and this might have been the closest thing to an actual romantic scene the two of you had. 
your lips danced together and you melt in each others touch. he finally allowed himself to be embraced and snaked his arms around your back to deepen the kiss. he pushed you against him and moved his hands to your neck to pull you closer. your hands slid down and rested on his chest.
when he pulled away he looked you in your eyes. water droplets were falling on your face and he made an attempt to wipe them away though the rain hadn't stopped. you wanted to say something, but he shut you up by pulling you in once more and giving you a small, but soft kiss.
“i’m sorry”, he said, pulling you flush against him to hug you. “I'm sorry for always wanting to control you. I was just scared.”
you slid your arm around his waist and hugged him back. “scared of what?”
“of you leaving”, he whispered just loud enough to hear above the splashing raindrops. “I haven’t been open about my feelings. I just didn’t know how to. but I was raised with the thought of rejection and people leaving me behind. I wasn’t used to all of this. I wasn’t used to having all this affection, so I was scared you’d leave just like the rest.”
you tightened your grip on him. “I don’t have a reason to leave. I just need you to be open with me like just now. so we can work things out together”, you said, looking up so that you were facing him.
he looked down and a soft smile formed on his face. he kissed you again and again and again until completely devouring your lips on his, not giving you a chance to pull away. but that wasn’t needed. you had understood the whole situation and the both of you were able to figure it out together. many ways had opened for the two of you and the both of you have yet to learn so much about each other. but you were both willing to change yourself for each other. because even if things weren't always great, the two of you would find their ways back to each other. 
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awormonastring · 3 years
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Office Hours- Professor Aizawa x Student
Summary: Life as a college student left you bored. Your history professor, Aizawa Shouta gives you just what you need, but you get a little too close.
Word count: 6077
CW: Professor x Student Relationship 
ao3
College life was basic. Wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, sleep. It was a basic cycle, but you made the most out of it by getting good grades. Except recently, something was up. It was your third year of college and you still didn’t have a major. With all your friends being in the process of getting ready to graduate, you were still left confused. This made you feel alone and unfulfilled. Ultimately, you just felt unmotivated with school. What’s the point of trying if you’re just going nowhere? So you started to miss more of your classes, assignments, which led to your grades plummeting. Your history class was a class you genuinely enjoyed but you just never felt like going. To avoid getting kicked out from school (which would upset your parents), you decided to just show up to your classes.
You forced yourself to wake up early, with your class starting at 10am, and decided to do your makeup and actually make an effort to get ready (just as a little motivation boost). You headed to your 10am science class and actually made it on time, which made you feel proud. After about 2 hours your class ended and you had about an hour long break until your last class of the day which was your history class. You decided to get some coffee to wake you up a bit since you felt extremely tired. A part of you still felt unmotivated, but you convinced yourself to push through.
It was 2pm and you were now in your last class of the day. You kept on giving yourself little motivators to make yourself pay attention and try:
“C’mon Y/N. It’s the last class of the day. After this you can go home and reward yourself with a nap. It’ll go by quickly. You like this subject plus this professor is good looking. At least let that motivate you” the little voice in your head said.
Sitting next to the door, you were the first one who knew when your professor was here. You could hear his footsteps and smell his cologne that left an invisible trail leading to the door. He walked into the room holding a coffee cup and black messenger bag. His long black hair was tied back into a low bun. He wore a light blue dress shirt, dark grey pants, and dark brown shoes. Damn, he actually was really good looking. It was something you never noticed since you were always just focused on your work and left class as soon as it ended. You didn’t even know his name. It started with an “A” but you weren’t really sure what it was. To your luck, one of your classmates raised his hand to ask a question. Professor Aizawa was his name. The name easily flowed off your tongue as you mouthed it. Getting your attention, pieces of paper being passed your way.
Oh shit.
It turns out that today your first paper of the semester was due, and you had no idea. As Professor Aizawa came by to collect the papers, he could sense your gloomy energy.
“Y/N,” he spoke which caused your head to look up at him, “Can you stay after class? I have to talk to you about something?”
��Yeah.” You responded. Great. Was he going to drop you from the class for missing too many days? Probably. The duration of the class consisted of you bouncing your leg, clicking your pen, wallowing in anxiousness. You know you were probably bothering the rest of your classmates, but you weren’t a person of confrontation. Class finally ended. You waited for the rest of your classmates to leave before approaching Professor Aizawa’s desk.
Waiting with sweaty palms, Professor Aizawa looked up at you while he was in the middle of writing. He placed the tip of his pen to his mouth, thinking about what to say.
“Y/N. I’ve recently noticed that you haven’t been showing up to class.” You could sense the disappointment in his face, which was weird. Why was he so disappointed about you not showing up to class? He’s never even spoken to you, let alone even acknowledged you until now. After taking a long inhale, you respond.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, I just… I’m just going through one of those times. There’s just a lot going on with me.”
“I understand. But you always have to make the most out of your education, you aren’t paying all this tuition for nothing,” He gently laughed, “Anyways, I wanted to let you know about your recent missing assignments but my next class is about to start. How about I give you my card and you come to my office hours. This is gonna be my last class so if you’re free in about an hour you can come and we can figure out what to do about these assignments.” He reaches into his bag and pulls out his card.
The card reads: Shouta Aizawa. Department of Social Sciences. Head of the History Department.
His phone number and email are also being shown. You looked up at him.
“Okay. Sounds good! I can wait an hour. Thank you.”
You left the classroom feeling a bit of a relief. You honestly expected him to just drop you from the class. But the way he was so nice with you made you feel relaxed. It made you feel like someone could see the better in you. You headed to the library to take a nap before this meeting.
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Walking around the social science building, you had no idea where you were going. The fact that the social science building consisted of 3 levels definitely made things more complicated for you. His office was located in 118O. You weren’t anywhere near that. “142” the nearest room showed. You decided to just give up and figure everything out tomorrow.
From a short distance, you could see Professor Aizawa walking the other direction. You thought about following him but felt like you would seem creepy if you did that. He turned around and noticed you staring at him.
“Hello Y/N. Are you lost?” he remarked. God how weird did you look just standing there? Your face flushed red.
“Hi Professor Aizawa. I’m sorry. I was just trying to find your office but uh, this building is a lot bigger than I expected” You tried laughing to ease awkwardness.
“No worries. Just follow me. My office is a bit hard to find since it’s sort of isolated.” He walked a bit in front of you while telling you about his previous class and how half of the class didn’t show up. After about 5 minutes, the two of you arrived at his office. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his keys and unlocking the door. You were surprised to find that his office was extremely clean. From his appearance, you assumed his office was going to be a little messy. His office consisted of random diplomas, a stack of papers on his desk along with a computer, black couch, basically everything that would be in your typical office. He glanced at you, “Take a seat. Make yourself comfortable.” He sat at his computer, typing away.
You looked around at his office to find something to help start conversation since the silence in the room made you feel awkward. Except, he didn’t have any photos. No family, friends, nothing. It made you feel kind of bad for him. Imagine how lonely he must be.
Finally saying something, the professor started, “Looking at your current grade- well, you’re at a D+ right now. C’mon Y/N, I expected better of you. You started off my class doing exceptional work on all my assignments. But now, you are so behind.”
“I know. I just haven’t been doing good these past couple of weeks. It’s just a lot going on not even with my life ju-”
“It’s alright. If you want to explain what has been going on, I’m here to listen. I just want you to do better. I don’t like seeing my students struggle, especially if I know what they are capable of. You can talk to me about what you are going through, only if you’re comfortable” His eyes glued to his computer then made eye contact with you for a brief moment. After a few seconds, he ran his fingers, pushing the strands on his face back, going back to viewing the screen.
You felt conflicted. You wanted to tell him about what you were going through. But, you didn’t feel like your struggles were valid. Should you be given another shot at your assignments when you didn’t show up to class for almost a month? Nothing was going on in your life, so what could you even say?
You decided to just say what was on your mind. Being honest was the only chance you had at passing this class, especially since you wanted to transfer soon. You stopped playing with your fingers and fixed your posture.
“Well, recently I’ve just been overthinking. I’ve kind of lost all my motivation for school. I don’t even know why. I’m assuming it’s because I still don’t have a major while all my friends are already transferring, graduating, and planning out their futures. While I’m just stuck. I feel like I’m not going anywhere.” The man sitting across from you, with his full attention. You didn’t even know when he stopped paying attention to his computer. He responds.
“That’s completely understandable”
“What?” That caught you off guard. You were so used to most teachers invalidating their students’ feelings.
“I mean. I can absolutely see how that would affect your mindset for school. How about we figure out a plan to get you right back on track.” His hands clasped together showed that he was genuinely interested in helping you. Staring at his hands, you noticed his hands were really big, his veins immediately grabbing your attention. This caused your face to go red. You could tell he enjoyed working out in his free time.
“Sounds good.” you smiled. You were still confused as to why he was helping you but he was able to get your grade up plus he was attractive so it served as eye candy while he worked.
After countless questions about your interests, the two of you were able to figure out a potential major for you which made you feel a lot more motivated. You felt like you were finally moving forward rather than continuing to be stagnant. Two hours had now passed and you had to go home. As you packed your notebook and pencil bag, the man invited you to another potential meeting.
“Y/N if you ever need help with figuring out how to go about your major just let me know and we could help figure out a plan.” He stated. His eagerness to help you really meant a lot, so why not visit him again?
“Yeah. That actually sounds really good. I’d love to plan out my schedule.” You responded.
“Great! You can just come by whenever. No need to make an appointment… that is if you can find my office on your own.” He teased which caused you to jokingly roll your eyes. “Anyways, I’ll see you Y/N.”
“Thank you for your help Professor Aizawa!” You left his office and made your way home. Not only feeling accomplished but also feeling a weird feeling, almost like butterflies.
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The next day, you decided to go by his office to see if he was there. You weren’t planning on having another meeting with Professor Aizawa since you didn’t want to seem weird, but you still wanted to see him since you only had class with him 2 days a week.
You walked into the Social Sciences building and headed to his office, only wanting to casually walk by to get a glance of the professor before heading home. Walking up the stairs, you made your way and pretended to casually stroll by… like you didn’t purposely walk across your campus just to get a glimpse of him. A part of you didn’t even know why you were even doing this. Another part of you just wanted to see what he was wearing, hear his voice, you wanted him to acknowledge you. These thoughts in your head turned into a full on day dream and you dozed off as you walked, not noticing that you had walked by without even looking into his office.
“Fuck” You thought. You missed your chance at seeing him. Should you walk back and potentially get caught walking around his office or should you just give up and go home?
You turned around and headed back towards his office. If he noticed you walking by his office again you could just say you forgot something. But why would he even ask? Your mind started to race with possible scenarios that could occur. Suddenly, you noticed a figure walking towards you. Of course, it was Professor Aizawa heading home.
“Hi Y/N. What are you doing here? There aren’t any classes going on right now?”
Embarrassment flowed throughout your whole body. You weren’t even sure of what to tell him since you were on the third floor of the Social Science Building where all the offices were located. Most of the professors had gone home. You cleared your throat.
“Um- I was just…” God what could you even say? “I just wanted to see if you were in your office- to see if we could plan out my schedule for next semester. You know since you said you could help me” You awkwardly laughed.
“Oh.”
“But I see you’re done for the day so we can just plan ano-”
“No it’s fine. I don’t mind staying later. I’m not busy this evening” He interrupted.
The two of you walked to his office. You felt a little guilty since you’re the reason that he has to stay on campus even longer.
“I’m sorry for making you stay later” You apologized.
“No don’t be sorry. I don’t mind at all. Listen. My job is to help my students. I enjoy this.”
You had no idea why that made your heart rate increase. Were you starting to develop feelings for your professor? You were so confused but you pushed it aside to take in the time you were spending. Admiring every feature of his face. From his man bun, to his 5 o’clock shadow, everything about Professor Aizawa captivated you.
After about an hour, you finally had all your classes for the next 2 semesters planned out. You planned on taking 12 units per semester which included general ed classes along with classes for your major. Grinning at your professor as you put away your paperwork into your backpack, you felt so much appreciation for him. In just 2 days, you were able to not only pick a major, but also plan out your semesters. And it was all thanks to your history professor.
“Thank you so much. I really appreciate you going all this way for me. I really don’t deserve all this honestly. But it means a lot that you are so willing to help me.”
“Don’t sweat it. Seeing you grow is enough of a reward to me. It’s why I do what I do.” He was packing his things as well.
“Well, I’ll see you in class! Thank you so much again for all your help,” waving goodbye as you walked out.
When you approached the door of the Social Science building you noticed that it was pouring rain outside. You had no idea it was even going to rain so you definitely were not prepared. Conveniently, you also planned to walk home since you couldn’t afford an uber home. You decided to try calling your mom, no answer. Friends? The two friends you had both worked. While you were waiting and trying to call your friends, Professor Aizawa approached the door to go to his car.
“Oh my bad.” He could sense that there was something wrong with you which caused him to make a second take to you. “You have a way home right?” Oh no. Were you better off lying to him or being honest?
“Um, yeah I wasn’t aware it was gonna rain today and I was planning on walking home. I don’t know why no one is answering to pick me up.”
“If you want I could give you a ride home. Just so you don’t have to walk home in the rain,” the keys wiggling between his fingers called your attention.
“Oh god haha. I feel bad.”
“I don’t mind. I’d rather drive you home then have you walking home by yourself in the rain.”
“If you can, I would appreciate it.”
“Alright. Let’s go.” He declared.
Walking to the parking lot while sharing an umbrella, you wondered what kind of car your professor would have. Your curiosity was put on hold when you heard a car ring. There it was. You weren’t someone who knew much about cars but the car had a small logo in front. The top of the license plate read: Mercedes Benz. The car shimmered with a clean grey tint. The car itself looked expensive. You both entered the car and headed to your home.
The car ride was about half an hour. It was also very silent. Professor Aizawa occasionally made small talk but due to the fact that it was pouring rain he became too focused on the road. The car was filled with the sound of the radio playing top hits. From time to time, you would glance at him. You noticed how mad he looked when he drove which made you flustered. His left thumb was placed on his lip as his right hand steered the wheel. Whenever someone cut him off, he would tug on his tie to let out his frustration. Furrowed eyebrows and random moments where he would clear his throat as if he was about to say something but never did. You noticed the details about the professor, such as when he would look back, he’d place his arm around your seat which always made you hold your breath with a clear blush on your face.
Professor Aizawa finally arrived at your house. You watched his hand as he moved the gear shift to ‘P.’ He rubbed his five o clock shadow before turning to you. You were lost in him.
“This is your house right?” He questioned which broke you from your trance.
“Oh! Yeah. This is my house. Thank you again for taking me home. I’ll try giving you gas money next time I see you”
“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it. Your house is on the way to mine so I don’t lose anything from taking you home. Let me know if you ever need me to drop you off again okay?”
“Sure thing. Thank you again Professor Aizawa!”
“Call me Aizawa. I’m not on the job right now so feel free to just call me Aizawa. Have a good one.” He laughed. You exited his car and walked to your door, noticing that he was waiting until you entered your home which made your heart warm.
When you entered your room, you immediately threw yourself on your bed. An exhale left you and had you feeling a sense of satisfaction. Your whole body felt warm and you weren’t sure why. You felt so many feelings. You constantly wanted to be around Aizawa. A part of you felt disappointed that he would never send you a text message everyday, let alone even feel the same way about you. The other part of you felt a sense of bliss that you were even in his car. Another part of you felt weird and wrong for having these wants and feelings towards your professor. You pressed your thighs together to give yourself the pleasure your teacher would never be able to, imagining his touch granting you all of your deepest desires as a melody of his name left your lips.
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The next couple of weeks consisted of you going to Aizawa’s office after your classes. The first couple of days, you would make up random excuses to visit him like homework help, directions, small things like that. As time passed on, you just started to go with no excuse. The two of you would talk for hours about random things. He would even go as far as buy you food. The two of you would eat while laughing about life stories each of you would tell. He would take you home everyday, even teaching you how to drive. The man would constantly tease you for not knowing how to drive.
“So let me get this. You’re 21 and can’t drive?” The man laughed as he took the last bite of his burrito bowl.
“Yeah,” you mumbled, “you know I kinda have a fear of driving.”
“Want me to teach you?”
The more you hung out with him, the more you fell head over heels over him. You felt like your feelings were wrong. Was it bad to like someone 10 years older than you? Someone who already had his life figured out while you were still trying to figure out yours? These questions kept you up at night. The divide within your thoughts had you torn. No one could fulfill you like he could.
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You entered his office one Thursday evening. It was the end of the week and the end of finals. You were completely exhausted. When you entered Aizawa’s office, things were different. The couch and your usual seat were gone. You stared at the professor in confusion.
“Oh… are you busy today?” You questioned.
“No. Oh! The chairs- I just needed to get my furniture cleaned since the semester is about to end but I guess they still haven’t finished cleaning.” He kept his eyes on the computer.
“Should I leave?” You were so confused. He was acting so weird.
“Why?” He continued typing, completely unfazed.
“Well there’s nowhere for me to sit…”
“Why don’t you just sit on the floor, princess” Immediately, a look of regret spread on his face. He was so focused typing he didn’t realize what he said, “Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that.” Both of your faces were covered in a bright shade of red. You tried to ease the discomfort in the room. “Oh it’s okay I actually like it! It’s cute!” Too honest. That was probably the wrong thing to say. Aizawa moved his focus from his computer to you. His eyes could see the longing you felt for him. His eyes knew that you wanted him.
“Oh really?” He playfully said, “In that case, I don’t think a princess should be sitting on the ground like that.”
“Well there’s nowhere else to sit.” You could sense he was flirting with you. Did he want you as much as you wanted him, or was it all in your head?
“Well… why don’t you sit on my lap?” His voice mocked you. The energy in the room had completely shifted. It felt like pure ecstasy. Was this real? Or just another one of your dreams? One of those dreams of your professor that left you absolutely soaked every single time you woke up. There was no way this was reality.
Aizawa had rolled his chair back, waiting for you to join him. His hands hanging from the arm rests, the sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows which made your breathing faster. You wanted those hands on you so bad. The urge for pleasure ran all over your body.
“What the fuck” was all you could say. It caught you off guard that he would say something like that. You were so used to seeing him be professional that seeing this side of him threw you off, but you loved this new side of him. And you wanted to have some fun with him…
“Maybe if you would’ve had a chair I would’ve had an actual place to sit..but whatever I guess” You talked back. You knew this would bother him since he was so used to being in charge as a teacher.
“Ahhh so that’s how it’s going to be” which was followed by a sinister giggle and dark stare. Your body was entangled by Aizawa’s eyes. He didn’t even have to lift a finger and you were already walking towards him. He had you on an imaginary leash that you loved. When you were close enough he yanked your arm and placed you on his lap, looking away from him. You could feel yourself getting wet for him.
”Since you want to act like a little brat with me, how about I show you how things are done here? You must’ve gotten a little too comfortable with me so let me put you in your place, princess” He whispered into the crook of your neck, which released a whine in you.
“Look at how wet you are for me, all I have to do is whisper in your ear and you’re dripping for me, I can feel it,” He was right. Aizawa didn’t have to touch you and you were a mess for him. Even in class, whenever you noticed Aizawa glance at you, you would always tighten your thighs just to get some sort of small release. His whisper in your ear made you so weak and he knew that, “So why doesn’t my princess destress herself. I can't even imagine how stressful school must be for her.” His hands were wrapped around you, gently brushing against your bare inner thigh. You always wore skirts everyday in hopes that he could put his hands up your legs and it was finally happening.
“Hnnng” All you could do was whine. Nothing was being done, so how could you already feel so much?
“C’mon. Why don’t you grind on my thigh? I can tell by the way you’ve been looking at me that you’ve wanted this for so, so long. Go on- Here why don’t I help you” The man proceeded to grab your hips and gyrate them. Moving your body in circles, you whimpered cries of pleasure. His toned thigh against your throbbing sex while his hands gripped you. His hands progressively got tighter around your waist and he began using his tongue on your neck to follow the gyrating motion from your hips. All you could do was grasp his hands and cry. You felt so good but you had to keep your voice down since the two of you were in his office and you were scared others would hear.
“God, I can feel how wet you are for me. C'mon let me hear you moan for me, don’t be shy” He nibbled on your ear as he moved his hand down your body and underneath your skirt. He chuckled under his breath as he felt how wet you were for him. Aizawa gave you some time to get used to his touch before inserting two fingers inside of you. An audible “mmm” could be heard and felt from him. He thought it was so hot how much you wanted him. He noticed all those times in class when you would move your eyes to his bulge whenever he was teaching, or when you would stare at his hands when he drove. He wanted to keep you wanting him.
He removed his fingers from your pussy and stuck them in your mouth so you could taste yourself. Moving his fingers, you gagged with watery eyes.
“Look at you. You’re a sloppy fucking mess for me. I can't wait to have my cock in you.” He moaned in your ear before moving you to the ground. The man moved you to the ground and demanded you to strip for
“Strip for me like the slut you are.” He walked back to his seat and watched you fully clothed as you slowly removed your clothes. He didn’t move at all, his eyes stayed glued on you. Meanwhile, you couldn’t even stare at him. You focused your attention to your clothes. After finally taking off everything, he made you crawl to him. A part of you was embarrassed at how much control this man had over you. But the other half of you had dreamt of this for so long. You wanted him to control you so bad.
You slowly unzipped his pants and could feel his erect cock spring out. A trail of precum leaked from it. You took the tip into your mouth as your tongue swirled along his sensitive part which stirred up a groan from the man. After a few minutes, you fully took him into your mouth. You felt pressure on the back of your head. Aizawa had placed his hand on the back of your head to keep you on his entire cock. This elicited a gag from you.
“Damn you would think with the way you dress you’d know how to do this by now. No worries, princess I’ll teach you how” He ridiculed before grabbing your hair and moving your face to his shaft, taking him whole. He started to move your face up and down his cock as he fucked your face. The back of your throat burned and your vision was blurred, however through all that, this was the most fulfilled you’ve been. After so many dreams of Aizawa, you finally had him. Your fantasy was being granted. He came in your mouth, telling you to open your cum filled mouth. He grabbed your face as he spit in your mouth. You swallowed before thanking him.
“Thank you, sir” You breathed. He grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you for the first time. Lips brushed against each other as the two of you mumbled sweet nothings. Aizawa stroked himself as he seductively spoke in between your lips.
“Well since there’s no chair I guess the only place your slutty ass can sit is on my cock, huh princess?” He sat on his chair, his hand around your waist. His hair was down and strands covered his face. A look of sin was conveyed on his face. He wasn’t just your professor anymore. At this moment, Aizawa embodied corruption. This was a completely different side of him that no one would ever get to see. Nobody except you. This realization scared you but it also excited you.
You joined him on the chair and slowly lowered yourself onto his cock. You let out a harsh cry as soon as his tip was inside of you before quickly covering your mouth.
“I want you to fuck yourself using my cock, you understand?” He purred into your ear which sent chills down your spine.
“Y-yes sir” You stuttered before slowly lifting yourself up. Up & down- the motion that would drive you mad. Even the slow speed you were going at wasn’t enough to have your legs trembling.
“Ah..fuck” You moaned.
“That’s a good girl. Like that.” Aizawa murmured. He had sat back and admired you, letting you go at your own pace. Occasionally, the man would pet your hair and caress your face.
After some time, impatience grew for Aizawa. He wanted to fuck you so hard. It took everything in him to let you go at your own slow pace. But his animalistic arousal was getting the best of him. He put his hand around your neck as he put you down on his desk.He buried his cock in you. The pace progressively got faster and faster. You weren’t used to this at all.
“Aizawa fuck. Too fast. Please keep going” You begged. Stars started to form in your vision but the feeling of euphoria you felt ran down to your sweet spot. Your natural instinct in you caused you to place your hands on his chest to move him away due to the overwhelming sensation you felt. In response, he stopped. He grabbed your hands that were on his chest and moved them on above your head. Aizawa undid his maroon tie and proceeded to bind your hands together.
“Your hands were getting in the way.” His raspy voice let out an almost menacing chuckle, as if he was now mocking you. You were in his complete control, which is something that brought out a raunchy side of him. It was something that made you absolutely weak. You wanted to submit to him.
He continued to thrust in and out of you again. Eventually, he was going at a fast pace again. His fuck had your mind blank. All you could let out were whimpers and pleads, while he grunted in your ear.
“C’mon I wanna hear you moan louder for daddy. You're daddy’s princess, let me hear you. Here let me help you” The man moved his hand to your sweet spot and proceeded to move his fingers in circles. By this point, you were practically screaming at all the pleasure he was giving you. You didn’t even care if others could hear your moans. You wanted him to keep going so bad, but could your body handle it? You opened your eyes for a brief second and caught a glimpse of the man’s eyes. His black eyes were full of impurity as he watched you go from his innocent student to his lewd fucktoy.
“I'm not gonna let you cum until you’re begging for me. Why don’t you ask me if you can cum?” his hand on your clit continued to move in circles, picking up speed.
“Ah~ Fuck. I want to cum” You moaned. The man grabbed your jaw in an aggressive manner and moved his face close to yours.
“That’s not what I fucking said. I told you to ask. Guess you’re not good at listening to directions huh.” He said as he sternly looked into your tear-filled eyes.
“P-please- Can I please cum?~” You cried out. You ached for release.
Aizawa began pulling your hips down to him, sinking his fingers into them. His cock could be felt pulsating in you as he quickly entered you. Sparks flew within his office. The room was filled with lust and you could feel yourself rising to release. Both of your breaths got faster and you felt yourself let go. Aizawa had released himself on your stomach. You stayed on his desk and he sat in his chair, the two of you catching your breaths and coming back to earth.
“Here.” Aizawa handed you a cold water bottle. “Are you okay?” The concern in his voice made you finally come back to your reality. He helped you clean you up.
“I’m fine.” You felt more than fine. Your mind had just returned from a state of euphoria that you never thought you were ever going to get. You secretly pinched your thigh just to see if you could have been dreaming. This was no dream. This was just a reality you never expected.
“I wasn’t too rough on you right? I guess I got too carried away.”
“No! Don’t worry about it! I was good the whole time.” You reassured him.
The look in his eyes was different now. They gleamed in the light and had a sweet look. The two of you got dressed again. You made your way to the door of the building, before Aizawa rushed to grab your arm. The man cleared his throat once you turned his direction.
“Do you uh- want to eat something before you go? If you want, I can drive you home.” His cheeks became a bright pink, which made you giggle. The fact that he was acting so shy now after everything that the two of you just did.
“Oh. Sure”
“Alright. I’ll order us some Chipotle. How does that sound?”
“Sounds good.” You smiled at him as the two of you walked back to his office. You guys would end up spending the rest of the evening chatting and embracing each other’s company, literally. The rest of the day would be spent in Aizawa’s arms and you would cherish the warmth of his arms around you, feeling safe. 
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haikyuucute · 4 years
Note
Okay but what if in the Ushijima omega au they get into an actual fight because there's this traditional thing/way of thinking that isn't that good so the orange omega is trying to say that because it's upsetting and Ushijima just says how she's just an omega and should just be quiet and actually listen because that's how if is and it won't change so she runs of crying but Ushijima fully believes he's in the right until the team talks to him and he makes you with the reader?
A/N: For those of you who don’t know this is based off of my “Untamable” series which you can find on my masterlist
Warning: Angst to fluff
You hated to admit it, but sometimes you felt like you ended up making a mistake by mating with Ushijima.
You knew he came from a traditionalist family, alphas were on the top and omegas on the bottom and no one was allowed to question that structure.
The irony was that your whole life was spent fighting against traditionalists— especially alphas... and yet you found yourself mated to one.
At times he surprised you with how forward thinking he could be and you’d think maybe it wasn’t so bad, especially when there was something he didn’t understand and he’d listen to you explain it to him.
But other times, times like these, you wondered if you expected too much from him and if becoming his mate was a mistake.
It was just a stupid silly argument but he ended up using the fact you were an omega against you to shut the conversation down.
And it worked.
You ended up walking away with tears in your eyes while he stayed there, firmly believing he was in the right.
You hadn’t spoken to him in four days.
He had tried approaching you the day after the fight, you originally assumed he was going to apologize, but when he had acted as if nothing had happened you realized he hadn’t realized what he had said hurt you, so wordlessly you walked away.
You ignored him ever since.
And it was really bothering Ushijima.
Every time he tried to approach you, you would walk away. You wouldn’t follow him to practice as usual and so you didn’t follow him to his dorm afterwards. Your missing presence from beside him at night had bothered him to no end, making sleep difficult for him. And when he tried going to your dorm, either no one would answer or your roommate would yell at him to go away.
So he figured if you were going to be this stubborn, he’d stop making the effort.
It wasn’t until Semi had spoke up that he realized how serious the situation truly was.
He had been at lunch with Tendou, Semi, and Reon as usual, what wasn’t usual was the empty seat on the other side of him.
Semi had noticed Ushijima’s stare boring into the back of your head as you sat a few tables over by yourself. And with a sigh figured that enough was enough.
”She asked me if becoming your mate was a mistake.”
Everyone fell silent at the confession. It was true though, you had made him swear not to tell Ushijima (it was why you hadn’t asked Tendou instead, knowing that he had loose lips).
”(F/N)?” Ushijima asked.
”Tendou’s the only other one with a mate and they’re not fighting, so yeah, (F/N).” Semi rolled his eyes.
”Why would she think becoming my mate was a mistake?” His eyes were narrowed and although he seemed just as usual, anyone that knew him could see how the news hurt him.
Semi sighed, already exhausted with the conversation, “She’s scared that you don’t see her as you equal.”
”But... she’s an omega.”
Tendou facepalmed at the claim.
“That’s true but, if you invalidate her feelings by calling her an omega then...” Reon added.
”Then she’s not going to want to be with you if she feels like she can’t stand on even ground with you,” Semi finished.
”Ahh, Wakatoshi-kun,” Tendou sighed dramatically, “You know that little omega hates when people look down on her, especially by you.”
The conversation had pretty much ended with that.
But their words had definitely engrained themselves into Ushijima’s head.
Hearing that you were doubting your relationship made his heart ache— he hadn’t meant to hurt you, but to him it was just the way of life, it was how he was raised.
But he knew what he was getting himself into the moment he marked you and even through your arguments in the past he had never once doubted the fact that you were his omega— but now you were doubting that he was your alpha.
And that was out of the question.
Ushijima really did respect you but he was starting to realize his words were patronizing, and you didn’t deserve to feel like your opinions weren’t validated.
So instead of going straight to practice that day, he found you, but when you ignored him again he followed you to your dorm until you turned around and frustratedly hissed out a, “What?—“
”I shouldn’t have said you were wrong because you were an omega and I was an alpha,” He said, finally gaining your full attention, “I respect you (F/N), I’m sorry for making you doubt becoming my mate.”
You sighed, “Semi told you huh?” Ushijima nodded.
You chewed on your lip in contemplation as you stared at him. You knew he was being sincere, he didn’t know how to be anything but.
You nodded and walked passed him, making him turn around in question. “(F/N)—“
”C’mon Waka-kun, you have practice don’t you?” He nodded, “Then let’s go, you can make it up to me after with cuddles.”
For the first time that week Ushijima finally relaxed. He easily caught up with you, intertwining his hand with yours.
”I missed you Omega.”
You bit back a small grin, ”Yeah, yeah, I missed you too Alpha.”
Taglist:
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rein4r1 · 3 years
Text
Mr. Artiste
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Wc: 2.7k
Warning/s: Mentions of possessive behavior
Pairing/s: [Titanic AU] Jean x F!Reader, Floch x F!Reader
Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut
Synopsis: Meeting him was like breathing fresh air in her already suffocating life. (Titanic Au)
MINORS DNI
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“What is it? A sapphire?”
“A diamond. A very rare diamond, called the Heart of Ymir.” She watches Jean as he examines the exorbitant jewel. “I want you to draw me like one of your Maria girls.” He continues to examine the diamond, clearly finding it’s luxury unbelievable. “Wearing this.” She stared at him and smiled, “wearing only this.”
He did this many times before, drawing different kinds of women not only in Maria but in Rose as well, the place of his hometown. As an artist, women’s bodies were one of the greatest subjects to draw, they were intricate to draw but not intricate to understand. This kind of artwork is often shunned upon by the simplecrowd who were too fickle to understand, viewing this kind of art as licentious. Jean begged to differ, whenever he draws women, their eyes bore into his soul, as if whispering to him a secret that they can only emanate through their nude form.
Jean waited patiently, sharpening his set of pencil with a knife. His sketchbook open, ready to feel each stroke of Jean’s gifted hands. Seeing her withdraw from her room, he can’t help but swallow a lump in his throat; completely enamored by his lover in front of him, he could only look away. Wearing only a nightrobe and The Heart of Ymir underneath, she teasingly spins the tie of her robe, only to worsen the forming bulge in his pants. No matter how alluring and charming the woman is, he knew that as an artist, he must keep everything completely professional.
“The last thing I need is another picture of me looking like an oriental doll. As a paying customer, I expect to get what I want.” Quickly tossing him a silver coin. Jean could only watch as she parted her nightrobe in a teasing manner, the article of clothing slowly drops from her body to the floor. ‘Ah shit’, he can’t help but feel the tightening of his already harden bulge. Poor Mr. Artist, trying so hard to ignore the aroused pain in between his pants.
“Sit down, uhh yeah there on the… yup.” He awkwardly point for on the chaise lounge. She happily obliges, eyes never leaving his brown orbs. “What now Mr. Kirstein?” He then proceeds to give instructions on where to place her hands. “Keep your eyes on me, and try to stay still.”
“I believe you are blushing, Mr. Big Artiste. Do you like what you see?” He could only chuckle, the deep tone of his voice resonating the quiet room. She watches as he starts drawing on his sketchpad, looking at his seriousness adoringly. She cannot deny the affection she holds for this man, to her, Jean became the fresh air in her already suffocating life.
She spent her entire life conforming to her mother’s standards, doing anything to please the woman. Becoming the perfect Marleyan lady, she grew up in her mother’s strict surveillance, from hiring the best of the bestgoverness in Liberio to sending her to the most exclusive boarding school in Marley. She grew up a life of servitude to her family’s glory, she felt no different from a luxurious porcelain doll; handled with care for her expensive value.
After the death of her father, they were left with nothing but numerous debts under a glorious name. Needless to say, all of the wealth her family has accumulated throughout generations are gone, they were just a penniless family with a noble name.
The widower then met a young wealthy man and heir to a mining company in Paradis, Floch Forster. Since he had the money to salvage whatever dignity they have left, she immediately forcibly subjected her daughter to an arranged marriage with the young heir.
You see, Floch and her mother weren’t any different, treating her like some beautiful garment to parade in gatherings and parties, she secretly came to loath whatever her life became. And in order to please her mother and save her family’s face, she begrudgingly accepted the proposal. They were set to marry in winter, after their arrival to Paradis.
“So, this is the ship they say is unsinkable” Her mother noted as her eyes glanced at the large ship, taking its aesthetic and magnificence. “It is unsinkable. God himself couldn’t sink this ship.” Floch said condescendingly and bumptious. In front of them is the largest ship known to man, the Colossus. The servants proceeded to handle their possessions as Y/N could only marvel at its glory.
She couldn’t accept her mother’s selfishness and her fiancé’s possessive behavior any longer, leading her to the edge of the ship’s deck in a break down. She reluctantly looks at the ocean below with tears cascading her skin, she could only hope for a life where she isn’t treated less than a luxurious property.
“Don’t do it” She whips her head to see a young brunette man in white shirt and brown slacks. Glaring at the young man, she turns her head away, her sight getting blurry of the tears.
“Stay back! Don’t come any closer!”
“Take my hand I’ll pull you in.”
“No! Stay Where you are. I mean it. I’ll let go!”
“No, you won’t.” She whips her head back to the man, looking at him with an unbelievable expression. “What do you mean I won’t?” She noticed how calm this man was, but unbeknownst to her, the man internally panics and fears for the girl’s life. He could only retort her that if she really meant what she said, she would’ve jumped without having second thoughts.
She noticed him taking his boots off one by one. Carefully threading near her as to not scare the girl. “I’m a good swimmer” he said, “but I’m more worried about the water being cold. You see I grew up in Trost somewhere in Rose, and God the winter there is cold. I went ice-fishing with my father, well… Ice-fishing is where you-“
“For God’s sake, I know what an ice-fishing is!”
“I apologize, you don’t come off as an outdoor kind of girl. Well, you see, water that cold,” he points to the dark ocean below, “It hits you like a thousand knives all over your body. You can't breathe, you can't think... at least not the freezing pain that welcomes you.” He proceeds to offer his outstretched hand on which she could only look with a bemused expression.
“I know I look crazy, but I don’t really look forward to jumping with you… That’s why can you take my hand?” She reluctantly reaches for his hand, “My name’s Jean Kirstein, and I promise I won’t let go.” He pulls her away from the railings, resulting in falling together onto the deck with Jean below her. She could only wrap her arms tightly as she whimpers on his neck, he then brought his hand to pat her head, hoping it would stop the tears that continuously descend from her eyes.
Jean knows of the girl, well not her name, but how could he forget such an ethereal lady that managed to entrance his artistic eyes, ‘the lady from the upper deck’ as he dubbed her. Just a few moments ago, he was just lounging around some bench, smoking as he thought of the winsome girl from the upper deck, clearly a place that penniless folks like him could only dream of.
After a couple of minutes of sniffling on his shirt, she looked up to Jean. And in an instant, she quickly stood up, failingly brushing off the creases that already formed on her dress. They quietly studied each other’s appearance, feeling as if there’s something there. Their moment only lasted a short while when Floch came in running towards her, dragging her away from Jean.
“Who are you? And what did you do to her?!”
“Floch stop! He saved me! It was silly actually; Mr. Kirstein was there when I almost slip from the deck.” She had her arm around Floch, tugging him to appease his anger. He eyed at him suspiciously, as he took her hand to drag her off the deck, she could only look at his retreating figure, hoping that he could see the man in the morning to thank him properly.
She saw him again, at the interior part of the third-class general room, talking to some fellows she assumed he’s acquainted with. “Hello there Jean” she glanced at the two men beside him, they quickly stood up to leave the both of them to converse alone, clearly not wanting to intrude. They quietly walked along the deck, her eyes wondering at the laughing faces of the children who passes them.
“Uhh, so you got a name by the way?”
“Y/n, Y/n L/n” She paused for a bit, as she completely turned to Jean to look at him. “Jean... I feel like such an idiot. It took me all morning to get up the nerve to face you.”
“Well, here you are.”
“Look, I know what you must be thinking! Poor little rich girl. What does she know about misery?”
“That's not what I was thinking. What I was thinking was... what could have happened to hurt this girl so much she thought she had no way out.” She could only smile at his statement. Truthfully, she ranted to him how tiring it is to stand still like some wired doll, how disrespected she felt when they used her. She truly felt used, but this man didn’t invalidate her feelings, rather, he listened to her attentively. This was the first time she was able to talk to someone like this, it felt refreshing. Conversing with Jean brought comfort she didn’t knew existed.
“That turnip yesterday, is he with them?”
“Turnip? Oh, Floch! Ugh he is them.” She displayed her engagement ring, symbolizing the beautiful prison chain on her finger. “God he’s much worse than being just them.”
“So, you felt trapped in a loop ‘cause you’re marrying turnip?”
“Yes! Exacty!”
They continued to converse, more about how she should just run away and not marry the turnip looking man. If only it was easy, then she would’ve been away from those snobbish people, away from the circumstances that led her to this. The feeling she felt with Jean was… different, she spent her whole life being dismissed by the people around her. Having someone to listen to you in a genuine manner was stimulating.
“What’s that on your hand?” Glancing at the brown envelope on Jean’s hand.
“It’s nothing…”
“No let me see.” She then snatched the envelope away, revealing a sketchbook with sublime artwork. With her already existing fascination in art, she can’t help but feel astonished.
“These are really beautiful Jean…” she continues to flip the pages of the sketchbook, “you have a gift.” As she flipped to the next page, she saw drawings of women, wearing nothing but themselves.
“Amazing… are these drawn in, you know, real life?”
“Yup, that’s what’s great in Maria girls, willing to take their clothes off.” She then noticed a reoccurring subject in his artwork.
“This woman, you used her as your muse several times.”
“Well, she really did have beautiful hands.”
“If I may presume, you must’ve had a love affair with her.” She looks at him playfully at his rather defensive demeanor.
“No! I swear, just with her hands.” He laughs. Jean feels the erratic beating of his heart as he gets lost at the depths of her eyes. He felt it, this woman, no matter how imprisoned she felt, is a someone strong who can handle even the harshest of waves and the most blinding light from sun. He could only stare at her elegance, feeling the heat rising up to his cheeks, Jean felt different from this young lady, like he knows her all along. He wanted to take her away, no he didn’t want to save her, because he knew that the only one who can save her is herself. But he wants her to depend on him, become her solace and provide her the serenity she deserves.
They spent their days together in the Colossus; learning about each other and teaching each other knew things. They could not deny the growing feelings that’s starting to form, she knew it was wrong to fall in love with him, considering her engagement to Floch. But she doesn’t love Floch, how could she grow to love such a chauvinistic man. Floch viewed her as a possession, but Jean viewed her as a person. It wasn’t long when they acknowledged their feelings for each other, sharing a kiss on the bow of the ship, the setting sun becoming a witness to the couple’s profound love.
“It’s finished” He gestured her to see the finished artwork. She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder as she studies the intricacies and pencil work on the drawing. They turned to look at each other with loving eyes as they shared a slow but sensual kiss. They pulled away from the kiss as Jean’s hand found place on her face, rubbing his thumb on her cheek affectionately, as their foreheads press together.
In fear of Floch and his lackey learning Jean’s presence in their cabin, they quickly ran away to God knows where. They arrive at the ship’s luggage room as they saw a car parked at the middle. Jean pulled her hand towards it as he sat on the driver’s seat, and she sat the passenger’s seat just at the back of Jean.
“Where to Ma’am?” He playfully asks as his hands are placed on the wheel, pretending to drive her to places. She wrapped her hand around him, as she whispers to his ear, “to the stars.”
She pulls him inside, sitting on the backseat of the car, they stared at each other with a loving but lustful gaze. With a growing desire to embrace each other, Jean felt her hands travel to his already bulged member, rubbing it slowly as if to tease him.
“Fuck Y/n don’t tease me.” He proceeds to kiss her full of thirst, like a starved man, starved of her. She sat on top of his lap, she knew she needed him now, she guided his hands to her breasts as she slowly grinded on his clothed dick. “Want you know, please Jean, I want you to make love to me.” He instantly discarded their clothes as he left wet kisses on her neck, treading his hands slowly on her back to her already wet core as he rubbed small circles on her hardened nub, she could only burry her face on his neck, face contorting in pleasure as she continues to grind on his hardened cock.
“Feels so good, your cock feels so good” Grinding to their high, Jean shoots his cum towards his stomach. He lifted her up to position his member on top of her core.
“Are you sure you want this? With me?”
“Yes, fuck, Jean hurry!” He then proceeds to enter her throbbing core, feeling her walls tighten around him. Placing his hands on her waist, he slowly began to buckle his hips. “Fuck Y/n you’re so tight, so fucking tight around my- ugh” he holds her hips only to slam it back down on his cock, eliciting a moan from her pretty mouth. He started to quicken his pace, her hands around his shoulders as she they traveled towards his chest. His thrust hitting that one spot that made her drown more in pleasure.
“Baby you feel so good around my cock, fuck.” He felt her tighten around him, signaling the coming of her second high.
“Jean ‘m coming! I’m coming!”
“Cum baby, don’t hold back,” As his thrusts getting faster and deeper, she felt the height of her sex and she came around him. He continued to thrust into her as he chased his own high and he shot his load of cum inside her. Jean then slowly removed his member, as he places her once again in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her figure while he kisses her temple, embracing her like it’s his last day on earth.
Not knowing that their first night together will also be their last.
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An: I had to rewatch some of the clips from the Titanic aaohaoigha anyway I'm still trying to learn how to write smut sooo
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diavolosthots · 4 years
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I literally just had a great fic video 👀 Imagine if a MC is not a touchy person (in public) to the point where people think that she hates hugs and all but one day Diavolo is feeling down and hides in a place all alone and she comes in and see this so she tries to comfort him and then she hugs him and turns out she may not be the best hugger but her hugs are warm and amazing.When he asks MC about it she says that they weren't in public so it's okay.Every now and then alone they hug and cuddle.
This turned out to be way more Diavolo focused than MC but either way the dude is getting love
Warning: mild angst, but not too much
Everybody Breaks ( DIAVOLO X GN!READER )
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People always thought he had it so easy, that he was worry free. “How nice it must be,” they would say, “to live without worry and ultimate power.” But although he had ultimate power, although he called the shots on any and everything, it’s not without worry. He’s not a tyrant, after all, not like his father and not like anyone before even him. He tries to be good and to please the majority and he feels terrible when the minority isn’t heard. It’s not easy being him, not how people think anyway. There’s a lot behind the scenes that only a select few see and some things that no one sees. He suffers, a lot, but always in silence and the comfort of his own safe haven. All these people that call him lucky and are envious of who is and the title he holds, don’t know of the burden that comes with it. 
There are days when he just wants to drop it all, to trade with some middle class nobody and be free for a while. Of course, if he ever did that, he would risk abandonment and probably death. Hell, his father might even awaken to carry out the death. No… he tries to hold onto and see the good in everything. The royal life does have its perks, the people are right about that, but it’s not as free as a normal life would be. That’s what people fail to notice a lot of the time. He does try, of course, to reassure these people that there’s nothing they’re missing out on and thus there’s no need to be envious of him. 
But there were days where life really got to him, badly. Where he would tell Barbatos, “just leave me alone today. Send it to Lucifer, but tell him too to leave me alone.” And of course Barbatos would comply; he had to. Today was one of these days. He was just curled up in one of the many rooms in the castle. It’s rare for him to not at least be in his private chambers, but he really wanted to see something else today. It wasn’t hard to find an empty guest bedroom that he hadn’t seen in a millennia or so. Of course, it was still kept clean and tidy, thanks to Barbatos, but he could tell not a soul had been in here for a while. Perfect. Just what he wanted. He seemed to forget, though, the fact that he made plans with his exchange students today. He already told Barbatos to decline Solomon, but you… A strange part in him yearned to see you anyway. For comfort? Validation? Maybe…
He thought about it for a while, just staring ahead at the door. Would Barbatos bring you here any moment now? Probably. Should he sit up from the bed and make himself presentable? Greeting you with a smile like he always does? Probably. But something in him kept him down here, on this very bed where he could just be. Would you mind? He didn’t think so. Humans are peculiar anyway; most of them didn’t care what you did as long as you weren’t disrespectful. But then again, was this a little disrespectful?
He heard the footsteps before he saw the door open, taking that time to at least sit up on the bed and straighten his back, “My Lord.” Barbatos’ voice echoed from the other side of the door, “Yes, come in Barbatos.” You noticed it in his voice, that he wasn’t quite as himself as usual. You noticed it again when you just saw him sit on a bed you didn’t recognize, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. Barbatos let you into the room and then bowed, leaving again, and for a moment, it was just pure silence between the two of you. He stared at you, and you stared at him. “Thank you for coming.” He stated and God was this awkward. Were you supposed to sit down too? Were you allowed to sit down, so close beside him nonetheless? 
“Yeah no, uhm… problem? Is there a reason we’re in a random bedroom?” Your question just made him stare again. Was there a reason? Well… yeah. To him at least, but maybe he should’ve taken you into his office? Maybe he should’ve just called it off like he had called Solomon off? “Ah… I just needed a change of scenery without leaving the castle.” You cocked an eyebrow at that, deciding to indeed sit down beside him and hoping that Barbatos wouldn’t jump through the door any moment now for invading the prince’s personal space. “But wouldn’t it be better to leave the castle so you could actually see something else?” He didn’t know the answer to that. Maybe? Deep down, he knew he just wantted to be alone, but he couldn’t tell you that. You actually brought some kind of comfort into his life. Maybe he should just tell you that? No point in lying, right?
“Truth be told, I just wanted to be alone for a while.” You looked at him, seeing that he wasn’t looking back at you but instead just staring blankly at the world in front of him. “Why?” You didn’t know why you asked, and looking back now it seemed almost rude to ask for more information, but maybe he just needs a friend to talk to? “Well… there is a lot of reasons, really, but the main one right now is that I’m getting tired. I’m feeling exhausted and not listened to, which is ridiculous because everyone listens to me. I force myself to take these days every once in a while, but through that I also force someone else to pick up the things I leave. I feel bad about it, even if I know Lucifer or Barbatos can handle it.” He ended his explanation with a shrug, “It’s hard having so much power sometimes. On one hand you can do anything, but you can never do everything, you know?” 
No, you didn’t know, but you didn’t want to tell him that in fear of him pushing you away. He just opened up to you after all and it would be rude to invalidate his feelings and give him a “Oh no I don’t know how to help…” as an answer, so you opted to stay quiet. Still, you knew he needed something, anything. You mentally battled yourself with the next part. Physical affection was never your thing and it was hard to give, or receive, but if you couldn’t help him verbally, maybe you could at least bring some kind of comfort. 
Slowly, your arms opened up and wrapped around his frame. It was awkward. The way you were seated didn’t give much room for a real embrace and you had to put your head on his shoulder as to not just look dumb. You felt him tense and then relax into you, letting out a sigh as he rested his head on top of yours. He found comfort in the gesture, just like you had attempted for him to, and for a moment you felt proud of yourself. 
It wasn’t much, and you couldn’t take all of his worries away. You didn’t even know if this did anything. But it felt like a sin to break the silence now. He fell comfortably against you and maybe that’s exactly what he needed; to just fall. To just lean against someone else for once instead of having everyone else lean on him. He was allowed to break too, right? It was okay, right? You made it seem okay, like he didn’t need to be ashamed, and that’s what he treasured most about this moment, and about you; the comfort he felt all around.
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ecrivant · 3 years
Text
on intimacy pt. 1 | levi ackerman
(levi ackerman x reader)
as the trauma of soldierhood begins to weigh on you, you turn to levi for comfort.  a quiet exploration of damage and the intimacy shared by two.  read pt. 2 here.
a.n. – stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a fanfic where the reader has a tender encounter with levi in his office.  i think i’m on the brink of discovering a writing trope no one has ever used before!  don’t worry, we explore the incertitude and conflation of platonic and romantic intimacy, i swear i’m different, and i swear this is a character study and not just wish fulfilment.  
touch is the reader’s love language.  
word count: 1.9k
Ferric miasma hangs in the air, low to the earth, a gauzy tulle of dawn fog.  Beneath it, terra inked with sanguine dew.  You stand above your parents’ mangled corpses, still.  Blood roars in your ears, your face pulsates, hyperaware. You hear your eyes dart between your mother’s slack jaw, ripped from the cheek, and your father’s deranged expression, one eye hanging from the socket by a tendinous cord. Freckled complexions washed in red.  Lifeless amputees, limbless, silent, barely even there.  
An immense umbra engulfs you; you have no feeling as you’re lifted into the air, ascending towards an obscure ether, pulled away from the statuesque corpses that lie beneath, overlooking a perverted vignette, figures composed in beguiling agony, a foreground washed in vermilion.  A feverish vise clutches your unmoving form, and soured iron permeates your nostrils as teeth crush your skull—you hear the sickening crunch of bone, the pulping of your brain as it seeps between fractures, but you feel nothing at all.  
You woke with a heave in the dark of the barracks, unclenching your teeth and forcing your jaw apart.  You searched in the dark until eyes find the dawn light.  Everything was still; no one had stirred at your outburst.  Why dream of them now? Your index and middle fingers wrapped around your wrist, feeling rapid palpitations, matched with an inbound throbbing behind your eyes.  You focused on a gouge in the wall opposite and listened to the steady breathing of your teammates, slowing your pulse, grounding yourself.  
An ambient hum hung in the air: the world’s low, ceaseless murmur.  In the white noise, you heard remnants of a familiar melody—something quiet your mother used to sing to you, something formless and only heard in that vague void between wakefulness and sleep.  Knowing it wasn’t there yet still listening intently, you grasped onto the wispy tones, and found yourself lost in nothing, and allowed yourself to fall into a dreamless sleep.  Your mind produced no images, yet you sensed an incoming danger that left you restless.  
You came to with Mikasa gently shaking your shoulder.  Her expectant gaze hung above you.  
“Training starts in ten minutes.”  Said with gentle urgency.  
You were inexplicably struck still, as if the thought of getting out of bed was paralyzing.  You sat up but didn’t move further.
“Don’t wait up.”
You felt a hand in yours as Mikasa kneeled, quietly examining you.  Her concerned eyes would be too much; you kept your gaze in your lap. She ran her thumb over your hand, as if to ask if you were okay.  No response, and her hand slipped out of yours.  She drifted towards the door.  
“I’ll tell Captain Levi.”
A lifeless automaton, you eventually found yourself on the field just as everyone began warming up, feeling Levi’s eyes on your face as you wordlessly slipped into the drill.  
“I expect punctuality at all times, not just when you feel like it.”  Like a knife.
Steel eyes, annoyed.  Concerned.  You let the reprimand linger as dull shame settled in your chest.
“Yes, sir.”  You apologized with your gaze.  
Your tailbone struck the ground hard, birthing a shockwave that emanated through your spine.  You made no moves to get up.  Your respiration had ceased, and you fought against your sternum for breath. Hands gripped at loose soil, desperate for tangibility.  
Eren began to gloat but cut himself off when you didn’t respond to his outreached hand.  
“Hey, what’s with you?”  He kneeled as he spoke, leveling himself with your gaze.  
You swallowed hard, tasting tears.  Panicked. The thought of death lorded over you, taunting, ready to crush you underfoot.  
“I—I don’t know.”
You were vaguely aware of Eren calling for Mikasa, strong hands lifting you, bodies supporting your dead weight.  The infirmary, hazy voices, ‘trauma,’ disembodied grey eyes, nervous observation. Void, melting away, drifting.  
Your sleep was restless, filled with ravaged bodies, flayed flesh.  As you finally awoke, you watched the glistening sinew creep up the walls, branded into your vision.  Wordless, fearful babbling.
A strong hand pressed into your shoulder, pushing you back onto the mattress.  Levi stood above you, expressionless, eyes roaming over your face. His hand remained until your expression calmed.  The croak of your voice, your uncontrolled panic—you were humiliated.  Eyes looking anywhere but him.
“I’m sorry, Captain.”
He scoffed.
“Stop thinking.”  He let go of your shoulder and held out a glass of water, bringing it to your lips to drink.  A worthless invalid.
He stayed with you for hours.  Neither spoke.  At one point he asked if you wanted him to leave—you admitted you didn’t.  
Your hand rested on the edge of the bed, and he grabbed it without thinking.  In spite of yourself, your face flushed at the contact.  His touch was comfort, an unspoken assurance.  When the nurse came to check on you, his grip stayed firm.  
You were released the next day to a group of concerned teammates.  Levi ordered them to stand down, but the words of your superior were no match for their worry.  Despite insisting you were fine, they treaded lightly, on eggshells.  Eren led you to the dining hall, a plate already prepared and sitting at the table with Mikasa and Armin.  
“Please treat me like I’m normal.”  Spoken with a hollow smile, a slapdash attempt at humor, normalcy.  
Flushed, Armin rushed to insist you were normal; Eren denied any special treatment; Mikasa watched you carefully, as if she were afraid a heavy gaze would break you.  You did feel the weight of her gaze, this time meeting her eyes, and you felt your chest swell.  Her concern cut through you, warming your face.  You tried to calm the rest of your friends down, but things began to escalate when Connie and Sasha joined in, mentioning they were glad you weren’t mentally ‘fucked up,’ to which Jean shushed them.  Glares and overlapping, apologetic rambling overwhelmed you.  You were grateful for their concern but only in doses.
Levi eyed your antics from his seat, recognizing your discomfort.  He crossed the room in long strides, silencing the table with his arrival.
“Can I speak to you in my office?”  His words were deadpan, but his eyes held no malice.  You nodded, grateful he read you, and followed him out of the room.
“You’re not to train for the rest of the week.”
You couldn’t suppress your shock, which quickly turns to shame.
“Captain, I’m sorry.  I won’t let my emotions interfere—”
Levi rolled his eyes, cutting you short.  You shifted from foot to foot, unsure of what to say.
“It’s not punishment. Believe it or not, I’m actually concerned for your wellbeing.”  Deadpan. You had assumed you would have acclimated to his way of speaking, but it still gave you pause.  You couldn’t help you felt patronized by him.
You stood in front of his desk, looking at his cheeks, his forehead, feigning eye contact.  His gaze bore into you.  
“You’re not a special case. This has happened before.”  Again, that equivocal, Levi-specific dialect. Did he mean to comfort you?  You stayed silent, implicitly encouraging him to explain.  
“It just—it happens when a soldier isn’t,” he paused, breaking eye contact, choosing his words carefully, “hardened.”  
He returned his gaze to you.
“It doesn’t mean you’re weak, brat.  You’re just still sensitive.”
You processed his words.
“How do you become strong?”
His eyebrows raised, fractionally.  He set his jaw, his neutral expression returning.
“I just said this doesn’t mean you’re weak.  You are strong.”
“I mean, how do I avoid more of these episodes?”  You didn’t mean to raise your voice—you despised the desperation that slipped through.
“Just watch more people die.”  He eyed your reaction, taking in your surprise.  
“I don’t mean to be callous: it’s just a matter of exposure.  Each death you see or cause or cannot prevent carves at your insides until you’re… hollow. And you have to let it happen.”
You were silenced, winded by a realization of a reality of unceasing cruelty.  It was something you had always known, but to be faced with it so explicitly? You felt eviscerated.  
“Many die before they reach that point—empathetic and afraid.”  
Your knees threatened to buckle—Levi was quick to rise and support you.  He apologized for going too far.  
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
You insisted it was not his fault.  He only spoke a truth you were simply not ready to face.  Levi led you over to his desk chair and you shakily sat.  He stood before you, unmoving, before walking away, giving you space—moments later, deciding against it, he turned at the heel and returned, kneeling in front of you.  He grabbed your hands, and you felt his breath on your face.  Meeting his gaze, you saw an uncharacteristic softness, iris wavering.  You wondered if he liked speaking to you, holding you.  You wondered what would happen if you placed a chaste kiss on his lips.  Levi’s smell struck you—it was familiar, nostalgic; it reminded you of home.  Of a past, forgotten.  Of the sunshine streaming through your grandmother’s kitchen window, the smell of your father’s tobacco pipe, your mother’s vanilla perfume.  You couldn’t remember the last time you imagined any of them alive, rather than lifeless viscera.  
You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, retreating as fast as you had advanced.  It was chaste, demure, and you watched Levi remain motionless, wide-eyed.  Red shame crept up your neck into your face, but you instead focused on his shock—what was the last thing that truly surprised your captain?
Your captain—captain.
Reality set in and your eyes widened in horror.  Impulse driven by an entirely constructed, drunken, nostalgic familiarity.  You felt more faint than you had in days.  It wasn’t even an especially passionate moment, more awkward and quiet and, frankly, underwhelming.  Maybe that was what made a first kiss special: the unique mundanity of it.  You wished you could revel in the indistinctness of the moment—but instead, you fearfully eyed Levi, half-embarrassed, half-angry that you would so blatantly and thoughtlessly overstep that boundary.  You retraced your thoughts: had you ever been captivated by Levi, or were you caught up in the moment of comfort he offered you?  The intimacy of familiarity, amity?  Maybe a bit of both.  
You watched as he finally recovered, defaulting to his normal expression.  He didn’t have a tell, except for the deep red that tinged the tips of his ears.  He pulled away, returning to his standing position and cutting you off before you had the chance to speak.  
“Don’t apologize.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”  He spoke firmly, softly.  Idiosyncratically Levi.
Emboldened by some deep irrationality, you spoke, not shying away from his gaze: “It felt nice, sir.”
He was silent again, short-circuited by your boldness.  You hung, suspended, in the tension of the room.  He eventually confirmed your statement, agreeing.  
“It did.”  Bewildering for the both of you.
You insisted you needed to go back to your room and try to get some sleep, a cumbrous mess of meaning and filler words, and Levi didn’t stop you.  There was no declaration of love, nor did he beg you to stay the night with him.  You stood up and left, and as you shut the door, you looked back and caught a smile break through Levi’s look of consternation.
— 
haha!  part 1 of 2!  i know we’re all horny and want levi to just ravage us, but i honestly think he wouldn’t know what to do with intimacy and physical touch and i will die on this hill if i have to!  anyway, feedback and constructive criticism is always appreciated!
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gaycrouton · 3 years
Text
Fox Mulder’s Senior Thesis
Scully reads Mulder's thesis to get even since he read hers, but she wasn't expecting just how much autobiographical insight she would gain into her new partner.
5k - MSR
Ao3 Link Here
Scully felt the indignant burn of embarrassment on her cheeks every time she thought about those words coming out of Mulder's mouth. "Einstein's Twin Paradox, A New Interpretation. Dana Scully Senior Thesis. Now that's a credential, rewriting Einstein." Worst of all, he said he'd actually read it. She didn't know him well enough to be able to tell if he truly liked it, but regardless, the fact he'd looked at it embarrassed her. She was a certified medical doctor, she'd written plenty of articles she was genuinely proud of over the years, yet Mulder had chosen to read her undergraduate thesis from the University of Maryland. She was only 22 when she wrote it, and she was pretty sure coffee and sleep deprivation contributed more to the final product than she did.
When she got home after that first day of work, the words still danced around her head "I read it. I liked it." Out of curiosity, she went through some old boxes to find a copy she knew she'd hidden away with a bunch of other college knicknacks, and just as she'd expected, it was full of errors and the misplaced arrogance of youth. The knowledge that Mulder had read it and formed an impression of her based on these old musings made her uncomfortable, and an irrational part of her wished she could go back in time and make it better.
It wasn't like it was an invasion of privacy, but to read her writing from years ago felt like a level of intimacy she wasn't ready to share with a near-stranger.
It had been a few months since he'd mentioned it, and they'd been working together just fine, but the thought that he'd seen this small side of her, Dana-the-co-ed who wanted to impress her professor so badly that she tried to rewrite Einstein, nagged at the back of her mind. Did he read her vulnerability, the way her words begged for her professor's praise? Could he read the pride she'd felt at the time for having taken on something so advantageous? Did he ever consider how forward that was, how off-putting to have one's thesis dug up from the grave?
But she knew that was exactly why he'd done it. Mulder wanted to make her uncomfortable. Not her exactly, but the new partner assigned to invade his space. She wasn't the profiler, but she knew he did it as a defense mechanism. Mulder had done it in front of her a few times now: if he acted as spooky as people thought he was, they would make fun of the caricature of himself he was playing, not the real, vulnerable Mulder.
Scully wondered if the thesis had any part in endearing herself to him, or did he look at it through a lens of judgement, finding every flaw and analyzing what he'd use to tease the new partner coming down to see him.
"I read it. I liked it."
It was one of the many times she'd started to spiral while thinking of how he thought of her. The spirals were usually brought upon anytime he ditched her during a case or when he investigated something on his own. A nagging feeling would grow in her abdomen that asked "Why doesn't he trust me fully?" And she would think back to that embarrassing insight he had into her. A few times she considered sending some of her other work, some of what she was more proud of to him, before ultimately realizing that he'd probably seen the titles and gone with the one that intrigued him most. The one he was probably most ready to laugh at, her brain would supplement.
Then she decided it would only be fair to read his.
She'd read his monograph on serial killers and the occult as part of her profiling training at the academy, but she knew there was probably an embarrassing thesis floating out there somewhere.
After the seed of an idea was planted in her mind, the roots started to overgrow all rational thought. She was fueled by a curiosity of what Oxford educated psychologist Fox Mulder sounded like in his early twenties. He was a bit arrogant now, though it wasn't repulsive in him like she found that quality to be in most men, but arrogant nonetheless. She could only imagine what a 22 year-old version of him sounded like.
Scully wondered what that must've been like, what the look on his advisor's face was when he inevitably postulated some intergalactic theory. Or did he choose a more mammalian creature to examine? Perhaps little grey men were too extreme, and he scaled it back to the cultural differences between Bigfoot, the chupacabra, and a yeti.
Luckily for her, she had a friend in the archival department who was able to locate his thesis for her with the payment of a coffee. It was dropped on her desk in an inconspicuous manila envelope, and she was able to sneak it into her purse before Mulder had a chance to notice.
Scully waited until she was home before tearing into it. It was about 60-pages, a nice length for a bachelor's thesis. She'd prepared for the event with a glass of wine and some snacks. A highlighter and some pencils were scattered around her in preparation for her night of learning more about her enigmatic partner. Despite the frivolity of it, she felt her heart thrumming in her chest, excited to meet this Mulder even if she intended to make jokes at his expense tomorrow to his older self.
She smiled to herself as she tried to have a last minute guess at what phenomena he'd focus on before a gasp tore from her lips at the reality.
Shared Grief and Repression: An examination of the psychological long-term impact of parental invalidation regarding familial trauma on childhood development
Fox Mulder - Senior Thesis
Oxford University
May 15th, 1983
Scully felt numb with the implications of this, but she couldn't help her curiosity. She read the entire thing in one night, unable to put it down. She barely knew Mulder well enough to distinguish if there was an autobiographical hurt child ghost-writing these hypotheses or if it was mere speculation, Mulder being desperate to understand himself. For all she knew this could have been a result of Mulder assisting a professor in their own research, the ties to his own past merely coincidental. Somewhere in her soul, she knew that despite her hesitance to admit it, she'd just learned far more about Mulder through this than he had learned about her through her nonsensical ramblings about Einstein.
What she did know, unquestionably, was that she would never tell him. That night she placed his thesis on top of hers, and hid their past selves in a box deep in her closet. She couldn't bring herself to throw his words out, so she would just have to live with them.
She didn't have Mulder's eidetic memory, but lines of his thesis stood out to her with the same clarity in which he'd recited hers. She never called upon them, they just came like a bolt of lightning that left a charred mark in its wake. It was as if she was the scientist observing if his hypotheses were true while Mulder acted as the living case study.
1993
"Adults who lacked comfort in their youth are prone to seek human connection out through other, non-conventional means, (Jenkins, 1945)."
While part of her acknowledged this was Mulder's office, the other part of her knew this was also the official office of the X-Files, of which she was an equal part. She hadn't felt this way since the last time she moved into one of her boyfriend's apartments. A few sweaters left in the closet, food in the fridge that was only for her, messages for her left on the answering machine - things that accumulated slowly until she decided it would be stupid to re-sign the lease at her own place.
That was effectively what she'd done here. She noticed that two women from the financial crimes unit were being forced to share a space, and, being she couldn't remember the last time she was in her own office, she decided to give it to one of them. Now, despite the fact Mulder was the only name on a placard outside and she was still trying to elbow space for herself on the other side of his desk, this was her office now too.
The space heater at their feet was hers, she'd brought a plant that was thriving in the annex of the office, she'd even managed to put a TV Guide clipping about Alf amongst all his other ones to see how long it would take him to notice. Even though those small things made her feel more 'at home,' she still wanted to claim a little more space for herself.
One day she decided to arrive before him, a box of her office supplies in hand, and take over one of the drawers of his desk. Just one - for now.
Scully plopped down in his chair, amazed at how much larger the indent he'd created was than her diminutive frame. With a sigh, she decided he'd probably be less inclined to be irritated if she took one of the bottom drawers. Pulling one out, she had to suppress a gasp of surprise.
She'd caught him reading nudie mags before, claiming they were for the abduction stories in the feedback sections, but this was… a lot.
Snowed in! Plowed out!
Shared Space (And a tight one at that!)
Years of Waiting, Big Explosion!
The titles made her grimace, but they weren't as bad as some she'd seen in her brothers' room growing up. The VHS tapes were lined up in the drawer in alphabetic order and their neon titles stuck out brightly to her. Pausing to listen for the sound of the elevator, she grabbed the one labeled Years of Waiting.
The summary on the back alluded to a couple who'd been in love for years finally consummating their shared attraction. It was surprisingly less crude than she'd anticipated. She picked up the one with space in the title and saw it was about two friends who had to share a room together while on vacation, and after a while, they can't keep their hands off each other.
She felt a furrow in her brow in confusion. These tapes all had similar descriptions to the dimestore paperback romance novels she'd buy from time to time. It seemed the story was just as important as the sex itself. One of them even had a cover of two people cupping the other's face as they leaned in for a kiss. Of course, the photo on the back was a naked sexual position that made her back hurt, but it overall wasn't as crude as she'd anticipated.
Mulder was into softcore, oddly sweet pornography?
She wasn't quite sure what to do with that information before she heard a ding come from down the hall. Scully quickly stuffed the VHS in her hands back in the drawer without looking, and instead moved to the bottom drawer on the other side of the desk. She was relieved to see it was some of his spare clothes and she dumped them on his desk before relocating her stuff into the drawer.
1994
"Children mimic what they see demonstrated in front of them (Smith, 1975). When a traumatic event occurs and parents cope without any outward displays of emotion, the child learns the expectation is that emotions are hidden. A potential development due to this is that the child understands how negatively invalidation felt, so they try to overcompensate when offering comfort to others, appearing unrelenting in their efforts to provide the comfort as the act itself is a comfort for them as well."
She stood there sobbing into his arms until she felt numb, soothed by the way his hands rubbed circles into her back as he whispered "You're alright. You're alright," into her hair, as if to assure himself as much as her.
The flash and subsequent whir of a crime scene camera made her jump and Mulder tightened his grip on her. "Can we have a minute?" he snapped, his voice coming out so harsh and stern compared to how he'd just talked to her.
She turned her head and saw they were in a room with at least ten other law enforcement officers - all with varying levels of pitiful expressions on their faces as they couldn't help but look at the embracing FBI agents.
Embarrassment flooded her and she withdrew her arms from around Mulder, bringing them together near her abdomen as she tried to take a step away. Mulder looked down at her in worry, cupping the side of her head with his hand. "Scully, don't push yourself," he lamented.
Scully shook her head and brought her hands shakily to the back of her neck, suddenly feeling choked by the table runner that had been used as a gag.
"Ma'am, we need to take a picture before yo-."
"I think we have enough evidence, don't you?" Mulder snapped, stepping forward in front of her like he was about to fight anyone who so much as looked at her.
She felt the crime scene analyst take a step away as they apologized to Mulder, but Scully was too busy fumbling with the tie at the back of her neck. She was starting to feel like she couldn't breathe and she was worried she was somehow tightening it. "Mulder?" she gasped.
Scully instantaneously felt his hands cover hers as he deftly untied the fabric, throwing it on the ground before brushing her hair back to make sure she was okay. "Breathe," he whispered, pulling her back to him so he could rub her shoulders.
"I'm fine," she whispered, her eyes focusing on the portrait of a Pfaster that was hung on the wall next to them.
Mulder stepped in front of it, replacing her line of vision with himself instead. "Please don't shut me out, Scully," he pleaded, his brows furrowed in concern. Mulder had comforted her a few times before in the past, but usually it was just a word or two of affirmation. Right now, he felt like he was the sole thing keeping her from drowning.
She glanced around and met the eyes of several people who instinctively looked away. "What do you need, Scully?" he prompted.
Scully looked back at him and noticed that he looked like he was going to combust if he couldn't do something to help her. She could pretend she didn't want his help tomorrow, for tonight, she'd allow them this symbiotic comfort. "I need to leave," she whispered.
"Will you let me take you to the hospital?" he asked.
She nodded once in response and that was all he needed. Without conferring with anyone else, he wrapped his arm around her and took her away from this nightmare.
1995
"Parents in these situations often do not realize the damage they are causing, nor are they actively trying to cause harm. Familial trauma effects all involved and, more often than not, the inattentiveness to the child's feelings is a result of parents being unable to handle their own."
Scully thought when she finally met Teena Mulder that a vital piece to the Mulder-puzzle would fall into place. She'd imagined a witch of a woman devoid of smile lines and with a tongue that could cut like a razor. The jagged-edged puzzle piece that would shift and create the perfect match to the soft edges of her partner who carried a burden from childhood that drove his every move.
Instead, she was met with a rosy cheeked woman who looked at her son's grave like she was contemplating if there was room for two.
It wasn't the piece she anticipated, but the puzzle shifted into place nonetheless, and she saw why Mulder could never admonish his parents while Scully had held so much resentment. Mulder was the sweetest man she knew. He could never find a place in his heart to resent a childless mother, even if she did have a child right next to her waiting to be loved.
Scully couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child, but she could empathize with this woman's pain at losing Mulder, even if only temporarily. Deciding it would be appropriate to go and talk to Mrs. Mulder now that the service was over, she steeled herself to tell the woman a sentiment she must have wanted to hear for decades.
"Your child is still alive."
Just not the one she was used to mourning.
1996
"Some children deal with internalized guilt because of the event. If parents or healthcare professionals neglect to discuss the event candidly to the child, this can cause them to believe they have done something wrong and that is the cause of the omission. When a memory of the event is triggered and the subject is reminded of the event, this can send them into a depressive state because of their guilt."
Mulder was contemplating dealing with Roche. She knew it without him telling her, not that he was saying much of anything in the first place. He hadn't been himself since this all started. No - he was being himself, and that's what was so painful about this all. Scully could see the guilt written all over his face, a guilt and a sense of responsibility so strong that her normally affable, goofy partner who always had something to say was resorting to one word responses and pensive stares. She was seeing the twelve year old little boy who blamed himself for his sister's disappearance, and it took everything in her not to bring him into her arms and tell him it wasn't his fault.
She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to erase the look on his face when he dug into the dirt of the forest with his bare hands, the desperation in his voice when he said "Help me, Scully." She was still deeply touched that when he was faced with the potential of finally finding his sister, he asked for her help. It sounded animalistic coming from his mouth, like his very soul was begging her. It felt like such a private moment, she was certain this was a part of Mulder he never showed anyone.
Finding out the truth about Samantha was the core being of his mission, his life's work, and being this close to the potential truth had left him bare like exposed nerves so oversensitized that he was numb. She'd never seen him so withdrawn and it killed her.
After they met with Roche and he'd teased Mulder, yet again, she drove him home. As grateful as she was he'd accepted, she was worried that he hadn't even refused in the first place.
"Mulder?" she tried, looking at him as they hit another red light.
He was staring at the dashboard as if the answers to his problems would manifest in front of him. Mulder didn't seem to hear her, so she tried again. "Mulder?"
"Hmm?" he hummed in response. If she hadn't heard it, she wouldn't have believed the sound even came from him as he didn't even slightly move. It was like a Mulder deep inside this shell answered, though his mouth couldn't form the words.
She put her hand on his shoulder, her thumb touching the exposed skin of his neck. He blinked and she took that as him acknowledging her. "Mulder, I'm worried about you," she whispered.
He finally turned to look at her and she saw exhaustion painting his features. "I have to know, Scully," he sighed, looking through her.
"He's using you, Mulder," she lamented, desperate to appeal to the part of him that begged for her help in the woods. The part that knew she was there for him, even if that meant telling him what he didn't want to hear.
Mulder shrugged lightly before turning to look ahead. "Probably," he sighed, resigned. He sounded used to this, used to being disheartened.
"I-" she started before a car honked behind her, making her hand shoot back to the wheel. They were only a block from his place, and he was getting out of the car before she had a chance to try talking to him again.
"Do you want me to come up with you?" she offered, reaching for her seatbelt.
He shook his head as he put his hand on the frame of the door. "I just need to think," he murmured, his eyes refusing to meet hers.
"Please, try to get some sleep, Mulder," she pleaded, only for the words to reach the interior of a closed car door.
1997
"Adults who have gone through this experience may find forming attachments difficult. It is not that they are emotionally stunted, but they've been primed through the childhood trauma to question if showing their authentic emotions is appropriate or not since they never received emotional validation. This desire to appear stoic is a defense mechanism that may seem like callousness, indifference, or flippancy in those around them. Because of this, when they do form bonds, they may be perceived as overbearing or clingy to the person they are close to."
She awoke to the sight of her own vigil taking place.
At first the only thing she was able to piece together was that the top of her hand was warm and wet. Then she smelled Mulder's hair and realized he was crying against her hand. For a moment she almost considered turning her hand so that her palm could press against his cheek - anything to comfort the man mourning the loss of his best friend.
"I'm still here," she wanted to say, but her throat clenched and her eyes burned as Mulder's choked sobs reiterated what they both knew: "For now."
She knew she meant a lot to him, but she never imagined herself being the person he bowed his head to in silent prayer.
1998
"These children may exhibit a pattern into adulthood of accepting behaviors and attitudes that others would refuse to put up with. As they are less likely to have positive self-worth, they may see themselves as deserving treatment that reaffirms these negative ideologies of self."
Mulder smirked. Fowley said they were allowed to investigate the X-Files as an indulgence, making Mulder seem like a child being pacified to keep busy to a room full of their peers, but since she said she held interest in his work, he smirked.
Now Mulder was talking to Skinner in his office while everyone else was told to step out into the hall. Most people in the room were content with going on a small walk, stretching their legs, but two people were left in the anteroom of the office poised in an awkward stand-off as they waited for Mulder to emerge.
His partner and his chickadee.
Scully sucked on her top teeth in annoyance as she glanced at Diana, watching as the woman appeared unfazed at the situation. Scully wished Arlene was here - anything to distract from the metronome of her aggravation.
Indulgence.
Chickadee.
Indulgence.
Chickadee.
The Gunmen hadn't explained why they broke up, seemingly shocked they did in the first place, and somewhere deep in Scully's soul she knew it was Diana's doing.
Was that why Mulder acted like that around her? Desperate to get some sort of validation, despite the fact this woman seemed to treat him poorly. Protectiveness flared up in Scully's chest and it threatened to choke her. At least, she wanted to blame it all on protectiveness. Acknowledging the part of herself that felt the bitter sting of indignation as she was condemned for wanting to make sure they were taken seriously while Fowley got a smirk for belittling their work.
"Things got a little heated in there. Didn't they?" Fowley called out, her voice sounding calm and collected as ever.
"I'd say so," Scully bit in response, sounding quite the opposite.
The door swung open and Mulder stepped out, looking around the room at the two women before telling Agent Fowley that Skinner was calling the Attorney General now.
Another smirk.
1999
"Because of childhood trauma, it may be harder for these individuals to let people in. They may be honest about their trauma, but when it comes to letting people see the intimate details of their life, they might be shrouded in mystery (Evans, 1969). Traumatized individuals will only share personal information with people they believe will not hurt them."
The young boy had to go home after thirty minutes of loading balls for them to hit, but Mulder didn't seem to be ready to call it quits yet - and, to be honest, neither was she. It was so rare that they got to spend time together that didn't involve a case. Even rarer was time spent together with so much levity.
Mulder paid the boy some extra money before picking up two mitts that were lying by the machine. "Here," he yelled before throwing one to her.
She caught the worn leather in both hands with a laugh that caused Mulder to smile. "What're we doing?" she asked, instinctively putting her hand in the oversized glove.
"Ever play catch, Scully," he replied, throwing a ball at her.
"I was never invited," she called out, shifting her feet against the sand underneath her to feel how it shifted. "You're my first."
"Mm," he hummed lewdly, causing her to blush at the way she phrased that.
"Underhand can be easier for amateurs," he replied before throwing the ball at her lightly from a few yards away.
Scully caught the ball in the mitt, smiling when he praised her. Then, mimicking him, she threw it overhand to him.
Mulder lifted his arm and caught it with a small jump. He looked at her with raised brows and a boyish grin that made the sensations she'd felt with him behind her stir back up in her abdomen. "You husslin' me, Scully?" he replied, tossing the ball at her with a little more speed.
She caught it with ease and shrugged. "What can I say? I learned from the best," she teased before throwing it back.
Teased. Scully didn't do that often, but she was starting to think maybe she should based on the way his lips curved up shyly. He'd been teasing and gently flirting with her since she met him. She was starting to see the appeal.
"I hope I didn't ruin any evening plans," he replied, throwing it at her.
It was always expected for Mulder to make himself sound like an inconvenience. Even after she just spent thirty minutes giggling in his arms and 'accidentally' moving her body against him in ways that she was sure to revisit when her hand was in her underwear, he still managed to convince himself he was a burden.
"I haven't had fun like this in a long time," she replied, bending to catch a lowball. "Besides, you let me listen to my music on the last road trip even though you didn't like it just because you wanted to hear what I like. I like learning what you like too," she replied sweetly, throwing it back to him with more speed.
Mulder smiled, playing with the ball in his hand before joking, "I just think Alanis Morissette needs to date better guys."
"Like you?" She didn't say it outloud, but she thought it. She jumped to catch a high ball he threw at her, causing him to burst out laughing.
"I'm serious though, Mulder. I like learning more about you," she replied.
Mulder ran to the side a bit to catch the toss before smiling shyly. "I want to learn more about you too."
She caught his next throw as she contemplated her next words. Deciding to take a page out of his book and be bold tonight, she asked, "I think… I think it would be fun if we spent more time together. Maybe we could have movie nights at each other's place or something?"
A smile erupted on Mulder's face before the ball hit him square in the nose - too distracted to catch what she'd hurled at him.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry," she chuckled sympathetically, running over to him and putting her gloved hand on his shoulder.
"I'd love that," he replied, his nose as pink as his cheeks.
2000
"It is not until the individual manages to come to terms with the familial trauma that healing may take place."
She never imagined what she might feel like in this moment because she never thought it would come. A potential romantic relationship with Mulder seemed like it was slowly migrating from the periphery into the foreground, and she was starting to come to terms with the idea that she may forever share the foreground spot of Mulder's sight with the memory of a little girl.
He said he was free, and he'd never looked more so. She had been worried after Harold Piller took off, but Mulder seemed nonplussed, just staring into the sky as if he was looking at an old friend, a small smile of acknowledgement on his lips. "Are you sure you're okay, Mulder?" she asked, reaching out and entwining her fingers in his.
He turned to her and, to her surprise, placed a kiss to the top of her forehead. She looked up at him with wide eyes and saw he was looking at her in adoration, as if nothing existed in this moment except her.
"Let's go home, Scully," he murmured, brushing a tendril of hair behind her ear.
2000
"Adults dealing with residual trauma crave the emotional validation they did not receive as a child. Words of affirmation, consensual physical touch, and other forms of direct reassurance help the traumatized adult feel more self-assured with how they are being perceived."
This one comes to her, like most of these recollections of his thesis do, in the most random of moments. She was standing in his kitchen, wearing his shirt that acts as a dress on her, while she watched him make breakfast. For background noise, he just pressed play on the VCR and the Caddyshack tape from last night started playing over again. Maybe now she'll find out how it ends.
She'd been so desperate to know more about him during that time years ago when she'd read his thesis, that any line she read seemingly became permanently filed away in the Mulder folder of her brain. So now, as she stood here taking in all the new information about him that she was newly privy to - his inability to whistle despite his valiant efforts, the fact he can crack an egg with one hand despite having seemingly basic culinary skills, how he often takes moments to look at her as if he wants to make sure she's still here - the process of filing away the new information caused that little tidbit from seven years ago to leak out.
Deciding to test 22 year old Mulder's hypothesis, she walked over to him with her bare feet padding along the tiles of his floor, and wrapped her arms around his waist so that her chest was flush to his bare back.
"Is this about to be a culinary version of that scene from Ghost?" he asked, his muscles moving as he flipped a pancake over.
"I like being here," she murmured shyly, her words sounding weird from her cheek being smooshed against his back.
It felt weird, but not horribly so. They didn't communicate verbally all that well, it wasn't their thing, but if little moments like these held a chance of letting Mulder know how she felt, then she could overcome her own hang ups. It was a lot easier than mustering the courage to say the three words they already knew.
She felt Mulder's back twist, as if trying to look at her, before he turned back, likely not wanting to dislodge her. "I-I like you being here too," he stammered. While he also was clearly unused to this type of openness, the upward lilt of his inflection told her she'd made him happy.
She liked it.
Squeezing him once tightly, she added, "I'm glad I get to spend the day with you." They were sentiments so PG and mundane that she'd probably even said them to her mother before, but within this special context of her and Mulder's relationship - it felt like a huge step.
"If I knew making you breakfast would have gotten this reaction I would have done it years ago," he joked, though his words were laden with sincerity. She felt him pause for a moment before timidly moving one hand to rest on top of hers.
She smiled into his back and pressed a gentle kiss against warm flesh as Mulder's own version of those three words wrapped around her heart.
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ssa-sugar-tits · 4 years
Text
queen of hearts // chapter four
Tumblr media
summary: y/n y/l/n was crushed when she found out about maeve donovan. heartbroken, she left her entire life behind. what happens when she becomes the most prolific serial killer the bau has ever seen?
prologue + series masterlist & taglist
content warnings: swearing, angst, implied/mentioned sex, restraints, blood, head injury, kidnap/hostage, alcohol, gunshot, murder
a/n: reader is a psychotic murderer. this is purely a work of fiction and if you or someone you know are experiencing homicidal urges, seek professional help immediately.
-
The room was filled with tension and an overwhelming sense of despair but no one said a word. No more hellish arguing, no irritatingly random facts, not even discussion to solve the case. Everyone worked on their angle of the case and despite the fact that no one would dare admit it, they all somewhat hoped that Y/N wouldn't be caught. Some hoped more than others but deep down they all felt a twinge of it. JJ walked into the room and spoke, startling the team and ripping them away from their thoughts and guilt.
"I've given a picture of her to the media, it's being circulated."
It pained her-- almost physically-- to have to hand over a picture of someone who'd been like family for so many goddamn years. She felt that she was betraying Y/N and that made her feel indescribably horrible.
"Now what? We just wait?" Morgan seemed to be the only one that really did want to stop her. Maybe he was angry that he hadn't seen the signs. Maybe he was angry that his best friend had just... left. Maybe he was angry that she lost herself so much. Maybe he blamed himself.
"What else is there to do Derek? Call me bad at my job- Hell, call all of us bad at our jobs but we can't profile her. Admit it, we're all biased. Too biased to think straight but there's no way we can give this case to another unit." Emily had always been so close to Y/N and was able to open up to her. Something she couldn't bring herself to do with most people. But you weren't most people, were you? Even with what Y/N could be doing, Emily doesn't have it in her to hate her. The sadness she was feeling must have shown because JJ squeezed Emily's hand and gave her a weak smile. And for the millionth fucking time, everyone stayed silent. Not even Spencer was saying anything and he is not the type to stay quiet this long. Believe it or not, that was actually one of the things Y/N had loved about him. Everyone rolled their eyes or cut him off but she loved to listen to him ramble. To everyone's surprise, she was always genuinely interested in what he had to say and that was one of the first things that made him fall in love with her. She never invalidated him or called him strange. Sometimes when she had a nightmare or experienced anxiety she'd even ask him talk to her about a random topic so she could focus on his voice until she calmed down. 
"Your voice is like... honey. In my ears." Spencer wanted to scream with emotional torture building up as he remembered how she'd laughed when she said that and how he'd had smiled at her with nothing but adoration and love.
"That seems unsanitary Y/N."
"You're such a smartass."
"Am I?"
"Definitely. But it's ok. I love that about you. I love you."
"I love you too."
She'd planted a sweet kiss on his lips before laying her head on his lap and listening to the rest of his topic rant. Still basking in the memory of Y/N, a sharp pain entered his hand and he realized he'd dug his crescent nails into the palm of his hand. And in that moment, he couldn't help but think about how much he'd love to be holding her hand right now.
"Guys!"
They all turned to Garcia, the source of the exclaim, who was walking in with Hotch.
"A bartender downtown says he just saw a woman matching Y/N's description leave with another man."
"She's chosen another victim? Here?" Rossi asked with confusion written on his face. "Up until now she's only killed 2 people per state and knowing the BAU has been called in, why is she staying here?"
JJ stepped in,
"This place is special to her, she has history here. Y/N must have an endgame but what is it?"
"The profile says she'll take as many people as she can with her. Probably suicide by cop."
Derek had accepted the situation. So why did that hurt to say?
"Rossi will go to the bar and talk to witnesses. Reid and Prentiss, stay here with Garcia. JJ and Morgan, PD is surveilling the radius around the bar and setting up roadblocks, come with me to help them."
"There's no way I'm staying here." Spencer objected.
Stay here and do nothing? Like hell.
"Neither am I, what the hell Hotch?"
"Reid, Prentiss that's an order. You're not going."
They both started to argue again but Hotch had already left. JJ and Derek followed and Rossi stood up with to leave for the bar. Apologetic looks were shot at Spencer and Emily because they all know why they have to stay behind. They're the two closest to her, the two that wouldn't be able to keep their emotions from affecting them on the field. And with that, off they all went.
-
Y/N's POV
-
The second you get to his hotel room, your lips crash against the handsome stranger. Your next victim. He pushes you against the wall and you moan loudly. His hands roam your body and you pull back.
"Hey... Go lie on the bed and wait for me."
Panting and staring at you with lust, he complies. Of course he does.
For God's sake. This man doesn't even know your name.
To be fair, Spence didn't even know Maeve's last name. And he still chose her.
You walk over to the eager man on the bed. Your hot breath on his neck, you lean close and whisper to him.
"We're going to do things my way."
He moans and you fight the urge to roll your eyes at him in disgust.
"Yes ma'am."
Taking out a rope, you tie him up and you know he thinks you're just a kinky slut. That's what they all see, isnt it? Suddenly something roars inside of you. Forgetting your usual routine, you pick up the lamp on the bedside table and smash it against him. Crimson stains the bed and you drop it, shocked by yourself. Yes, you've done worse. But it isn't the act that's sending regret and nausea through your body, it's that you're devolving. You're losing control.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Starting to panic, you take the unconscious man and check for a pulse. He's still alive.
Giving him a shower (much to your disdain) and change of clothes, you put his arm over your shoulder and walk out of the room giggling as you pass one of the housekeepers.
"Baby, you're such a lightweight! Let's get you out of here."
The housekeeper barely gives you a second glace but when she enters the room of the man you've taken, she starts to scream and you know you're running out of time.
Run. Drag him. Just hurry the hell up.
Finally at his car, you take him to the small studio you own downtown. No one can find you here. It's been yours for nearly a decade and you aren't stupid enough to have told anyone about it or put it under your name. Granted, you'd never thought you'd have to use it to hide out from the feds, it's still useful. After taking a look at the brightly colored wall in your basement, you feel a sense of sudden pain race through your veins. You used to be normal. You used to have a life.
-
The man is chained up, gagged, and bleeding but you can't even remember doing anything to him. What you need is numbness. They thought the other bodies were bad? Wait til they fucking see what you do with him. Pain shoots through your skull again and you wince and fall to the ground.
"Fuck. I- I need a drink." you stammer to no one in particular but yourself.
A wig and sunglasses make you look different enough from the woman being circulated to take the bus to a nearby gas station. Walking down the liquor aisle of the store, you hum a song to yourself and let the AC blow on your skin. Vision blurred, you bite your lip and taste the unmistakable strong metallic taste of your own blood. Still humming that fucking song. The song you'd danced to with Spencer in your living room before you'd made love for the first time.
"You cannot be serious!"
"Y/N! I can't dance."
"Oh come on. How bad can you be?  Seriously, the songs going to end and it'll be too late."
"Yes, that's what I'm hoping for."
"Psh. Don't tell me Doctor Reid is scared to sway around a little."
"Shut up."
"Make me." you laughed.
With one playful look, you dared him to shut you up in the most passionate, sensual way he could. But instead he put his warm hands on your hips and swayed to the song. You melted into his touch and your breaths synced as you laid your head on his chest. His heart beat was steady and calming. One hand reached for yours and intertwined before twirling you and pulling you back in to dance. He'd held you until it was over and brought your chin up to his face. The kiss was so intense, so loving. He tilted his head and pulled you tighter to get as close as he could to you. His tongue met yours and your mouths bathed in each other's taste. Running a hand through your hair, you'd started to unbutton his shirt. He'd been taken aback at first but then picked you up and placed you in the bedroom ever so softly. Placing gentle kisses all over each other's bodies and undressing for the other, you made raw, breathtaking love for the first of many times.
"Hey lady! Get out of the way!"
"W-What?..." You tremble and realize you're crying on the floor of the aisle.
"I said get out of the damn way, some of us got places to be."
The man is clearly batshit drunk. Probably here to buy his next fix. Shaking and letting yourself actually feel your emotions, you stand and use the wall to balance yourself.  The man that yelled at you curses to himself as his phone rings and he picks it up.
"Hell do you want? Thought you were still mad about Andrea."
Andrea? Mad about Andrea. Another cheater. Another liar. Right? It has to be.
Before you can process what you're doing-- how irrational it is-- the gunshot rings through the store and everyone turns to see the man before you on the ground, screaming and spitting blood. A mix of a laugh and a sob escapes you and you scream.
"Everyone on the fucking ground! If I see any cellphones, I'll shoot you just like this dickhead. Got it?"
Frightened people drop to the ground and you start to yell, incoherent bullshit again. You smash the freezer glass behind you and open an expensive bottle of bourbon.
You practically whimper having to take deep gasps in between words, but in a somehow still confident, fearless tone.
"Now let's have some fucking fun."
-
But what you didn't know was that the cashier in the front had sent a text 5 minutes earlier.
Call 911! The girl from the news, the Queen of Hearts. She's in the store.
What you didn't know was that the woman that recieved the text had called immediately.
911, what's your emergency?
What you didn't know was that the BAU was on their way.
-
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Quick AU where Danny stays in town during Girls Night Out
Yeah, random thoughts spring into brain. Danny is trans. I think that's enough background info. Also, Tumblr got a new post editor, so I'm betaing it right now.
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Danny was supposed to go fishing with his dad. But something came up. AKA, Vlad wanted him to go visit him without Danny. So Danny was in Amity Park when he was supposed to be having dad bonding time. What could he say? His dad got that dumb book and everything. It was gonna be epic. Except stupid Vlad had to go and ruin everything. Whatever. Dad said they would go next weekend.
The first big issue was when Tucker disappeared. And he didn't. Might've been a dumb ghost thing. So he and Sam went to find stuff out. Except all the men in town were gone. It was glaring. "I-I'm sure it's nothing Danny!" Sam said nervously. "Yeah. It's gotta have been a stupid mistake. Maybe I'm immune cause I'm half ghost," Except there weren't any male ghosts either. "Yeah, that's gotta be it!" That when they heard Ember. "OH YEAH! NO MORE PESKY GUYS! IT'S A GIRL'S NIGHT OUT!" "Yes. You know, I'm surprised that worked. I was afraid it might've been a ghost only thing," Spectra drawled. "Of course it worked. The superior gender always prevails," Kitty replied. "And that's obviously female," Every vein in his body was pounding. "I think you might've confused sex for gender ladies," Sam said patiently. "We're not having sex!" Ember laughed. "You do realize how invalidating this can feel for trans people?!" Sam shrieked back. "If they're still here, that means it's a she," Spectra grinned. That was the last straw. He ran. As fast as he could. And for a half ghost that was fast. Once he got home, he slammed the door.
Sam saw Danny run off and knew how this was looking for him. "Isn't this rich? The ghost boy is really a girl," Kitty grinned. "I'm surprised I didn't notice sooner," Spectra laughed. Ember stayed oddly quiet for someone who was normally boisterously loud.
Danny curled in on himself. Herself. NO! Don't second guess yourself. It change the fact that it hurt. "All the men in town are gone!" He heard Jazz yell. "I realize that Jazz. Thank goodness your father is out of town," Mom sighed. "Wait, but Danny isn't! I really hope..." She was standing in his doorway. "FUCKING GHOSTS!" Jazz didn't swear. She never swore. "What is it Jazz? Oh. Danny, I'm so sorry," Mom pulled him into a hug. "I'll be fine," He grumbled. "Do you know which ghosts?" Jazz decided to change the conversation. "Spectra, Kitty and Ember," "Great. Spectra is going to use this horribly," Jazz grumbled quiet enough that only Danny could hear. "Listen, we have to get the guys back first," "Wait, if you're, that means any trans women in Amity are stuck there," Mom said. "Can we not talk about that? I'm seriously not in the mood," "At least pesky Phantom won't be here to get in the way," Jazz and Danny exchanged a look. Sam came bursting in. "Danny! Okay, I am going to make them even deader than before," Sam cracked her knuckles. "I'm fine Sam. Let's just find a way to fix this," "I have an idea!" Jazz said. "No," Danny, Sam and Mom said in unison. "Oh come on. Don't be like that. Not all my plans are bad," Jazz protested. "Speaking from experience (of being trapped in a thermos way too much for one night), that is completely untrue," "What was that about thermoses Danny?" Mom said. "Jazz put soup in my Fenton Thermos!" "I couldn't tell them apart! We really need to label things," "Like with a massive sticker that say Fenton?" "All our stuff has those!" "Fair enough," Danny conceded. It was the plan if anyone caught them talking about getting trapped in thermoses. It made sense because it actually happened. "Well, since Jazz's plan is out, I opt that we figure out how this whole thing happened," Mom said. "It's a combo between Kitty and Ember. Kitty has this thing that makes men disappear into another dimension. And Ember must've used her guitar to make it cover all of Amity. If we don't get them out in twelve hours, they'll be stuck there forever," "And I will have to resign to a life of raging dysphoria," "You were gonna have that anyways," "Times ten. This won't help anyways, but it won't be all bad," "Let's stop talking about you being trans. Danny, you're staying here," Jazz winked. He knew what that meant. They would get all the men back and Danny would keep the ghosts at bay. "Okay. So, from what they were blabbing, all we have to do is get them to do it again," Sam said. Once they had a plan in place, all they had to do was implement it. They left and Danny quickly transformed. Praying that Spectra wouldn't find a way to use this against him, he sped off. "Hey! Poo faces! I'm not gone, and it semi pisses me off!" He screamed. "Oh now sweety. Why would you want to leave behind the superior gender?" Spectra said. "Because it makes me feel horrible and like I was born wrong," "You were, weren't you," Don't let Spectra sink her claws in Fenturd! "Yeah, maybe I was, but if I work hard enough I can fix it," "How is Danny Phantom still here?" He heard Paulina say. Nope, not listening. "They're all going to know. You can't do anything about that," Spectra laughed evilly. "Now girls, follow the recipe! You too now," "I'm. NOT A GIRL!" The wail was probably ill planned, but Danny wasn't thinking straight. Shit, humans. He cut himself off. "Oh come on now. No matter how many times you tell yourself that, you still have to cover parts of yourself. Don't tell me you don't wake up every morning and wish you were a real boy?" "I am. I am a real boy. I just have to take a few extra steps to get there," "Oh come on now. Stop lying to yourself. Maddie, how can you possibly call these eggs? They're green," Okay, maybe dealing with Spectra first was a bad idea. But she was also taunting his mom. Deal with Ember. She must be better than this.
So he flew to a stage. Ember was rocking out with a bunch of girls. Sam was in the background. This was probably one of the less dangerous problems. "Listen, if you're going to taunt me for the fact that I'm still here, do it already," "Hey, listen kid. I'm not actually going to taunt you. Kitty and Spectra are being complete jerks, but I'm not going to judge you for being trans," "Y-you're not?" "Heck no! I'm doing this because I wanted to have a fun night without guys. You included. I'll just have to take a few extra steps to get rid of you!" Danny dodged the guitar strum easily. "Are you planning on bringing them back at the end of the night?" "That's really up to Kitty," "I guess," Sam could deal with Ember.
Next up was Kitty. Oh great, makeup. (I honestly forget what Kitty was doing, so makeup works) "Now girls. All you gotta do is apply the bronzer like so!" "Kitty! How would Johnny feel if he knew you were doing this?" "Oh come on now Ghost girl, you can't be serious. Johnny is having a guys night in all due time," "HEY! Don't you dare. Transphobia doesn't help anyone," Jazz yelled. "Oh stop complaining. She knows she doesn't belong with the guys. From the looks of it, Spectra's already gotten to you. This'll make this so much easier,"
The plan backfired immensely. Danny and Mom were a mess, Sam didn't manage to get the guitar, and Jazz just got in a debate with Kitty. Danny, having to keep up a facade, came downstairs. "How'd it go?" "Terribly. Though, I did learn the Ghost Boy is trans," Mom said. "Fascinating," "It's, well it's oddly human. Why would a ghost even bother?" "Turns out gender dysphoria comes to the grave," "Danny, this is no time for one of your morbid jokes," Yeah, maybe it was morbid, but it wasn't a joke. "Whatever. I guess we get to use Jazz's plan," "All we gotta do is convince them that a cis guy is still in town. Like wandered in after the disappearing act," "Great plan. Sam can't pretend to be me though," "How did you know I was going to do that?" "Lucky guess,"
So that's how Jazz ended up wearing a baseball cap and a pair of men's jeans into Ember's concert. "Did we really have to use a pair of dad's jeans? These barely fit," "You know, the fact that they fit at all should be surprising. Dad was skinny at one point in his life. Which means that one of us could be on his end of the gene pool," "It's probably you," "Don't make me think about that. Hiding what little chest I have is hard enough. If I got dad's genes, I'd honestly be terrified," "We haven't seen the women on his side of the family. And besides, you got the blue eyes black hair thing," "You are honestly scaring me. Now, I gotta scram before someone sees me talking to you. Mom or the ghosts," "Fair,"
And thus, the plan worked. Kitty, adamant that no men be left in Amity, blew another kiss. Ember amplified it. The men came back. The three got thermosed. Jazz laughed at their faces when they honestly though she was from out of town. Danny once again didn't get taken, even in ghost form.
Tucker and Sam found him curled up in his bed. "Hey man. I know this has gotta be tough for you," Tucker said. "Spectra had no right!" Sam continued. "Thanks guys. But I think I'm gonna take a few days off school," The trio heard Dash's voice outside. "Hey mom. I know what happened was scary. And I know it must've felt really bad, but I still see you as my mom," "Thanks Dash. I can always count on you to make me feel better," A woman's voice rang out. Danny looked over the window sill. "See Danny. It's not horribly weird. Just a few transphobic ghosts," Tucker laughed. "A couple," "What?" Sam and Tucker said in unison. "Ember isn't," "How do you know that?" "I talked to her," "Hey Fenturd! Don't you dare tell anyone about my mom! And don't be mean to her! I'm sure you wouldn't get it," "You'd be surprised Dash!" He grabbed his trans flag and hung it out the window. "I get it more than you seem to think!" Dash's mom smiled at him. "Y-you're trans? I thought you were just a loser!" "Yeah, and I had to talk to the transphobic ghosts. So I won't invalidate your mom!" Dash stared up at him. "Holy shit,"
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Praying that this uploads, cause I've got shoddy internet rn. And I'm working on my Gravity Falls crossover fic. I just had this pop into my mind. Prolly just gonna be a oneshot. I might make another fic about Jack's side of the family later, that's connected to this one.
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💖💖💖Hiya, maybe you could do a chubby!fem!insecure!reader x Fred Weasly 👉👈 💖💖💖
I gotchu
So Fred was hanging out with George one day in his third year
When he found a couple of students being a dick to someone
Fred and George told them to back the fuck up and calm down
And then Fred met you.
You were this beautiful thing
Hair down to your shoulders
Eyes that seemed to practically sparkle
A face that made his heart nearly pound out of his chest
"Now what's a beautiful thing like you doing to get caught up in that?" Fred asked, sitting next to you.
"You're joking right. Like you actually have to be." You said confused
"Joking? Nope. Dead serious, why were they hassling you?" He asked
"...Look at me, I'm a easy target." You said.
Fred didn't see any flaws to be honest. But he nodded like he understood
"What's your name?" George asked.
"Y/n." You sighed.
"Got a friend group?" Fred asked.
"Nope." You shrugged with a disappointed look in your eyes.
"Now you do." George said.
"You're hanging with us." Fred said.
"But--" "if whatever you're about to say invalidates yourself, then it's ridiculous and we're not listening." Fred said before pulling you up and walking, George on your other said.
So there it was
Your two best friends in the entire universe
George of course took notice of his brother's fixation on you
Anytime anyone even DARED to say anything about your weight Fred would be distracting you while George was threatening their life
The two of them would also prank the fuck out of whoever insulted you too.
Fred would basically put the fear of GOD into anyone who decided to bully you. 
It became this whole thing around Hogwarts to basically treat you like a fucking saint OR ELSE SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF THE WEASLEY TWINS 
You were kind of insecure because these two were so nice to you all the time and you were in this friend group with Angelina who was so pretty
So when you formed a crush on Fred you kind of went quiet 
because there’s no way you’d be able to date him right?
Wrong. Fred talked about you nonstop when you weren’t present
Angelina thought you were fucking awesome and George thought of you like a sister
the whole friend group LOVED you to pieces. 
You confided to Angelina one day how you felt and she was like “Oh. Oh Honey, you’ve got this.”
Angelina is legit your hypewoman
If she could she would follow you all day and make you feel empowered as fuck
She even hypes you up to ask Fred out
You walked in, said the words “FRED I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU”
And then when he said “What’s up” you chickened out and stood there in silence for a bit before saying “Good talk” and then left
Then Angelina came back in with you and said “Fred, Y/n has something important to tell you.”
Your mind was dead.
Words wouldn’t form and you just stood there in silence
“Do I need to tell him?” Angelina asked. 
You nodded and she chuckled. 
“Y/n has a thing for you.” Angelina said.
Fred stared at you for a bit and then smiled.
You were expecting “You’re joking? Me and you?” or “Y/n, no.”
Instead he got up and kissed your forehead.
“Me, you, Hogsmeade on Thursday, what do you say?” He asked
You sputtered and pointed at the seat he was sitting in and then made a confused noise 
Angelina snorted and said “She’ll be there”
And you were.
You were nervous the entire time 
Fred absolutely thought you were gorgeous the whole time though
After a while your anxiety finally left you and you actually started to have a ton of fun
When the date ended, Fred kissed you and officially asked you to be his girlfriend
You made a noise that meant “yeah” because you were so shocked you couldn’t speak
You two were an amazing couple
Biggest shipper of you two?
MOLLY FUCKING WEASLEY
She constantly would send you little things: Homemade cookies, sweaters, the occasional letter asking how you were
You stayed with them for Christmas and Molly thought you were AMAZING
She literally pulled Fred off for a side bar and told him: “You have got to marry this girl, I am begging you”
Fred was already positive you were the one so when his mom was saying “Yep, this is your soulmate”  it was like a divine being giving him the thumbs up
His siblings LOVE you
Ginny thinks you’re too good for the bastard 
Ron thinks you make the best cookies in the entire country
Percy thinks you are really intelligent and tells Fred if you start lagging behind academically he’s going to blame him
Charlie and you basically geek out over dragons all day EVERY day
Bill thinks you’re really sweet and loves seeing his brother in love
Harry thinks you’re some ethereal being
Over all the entire family thinks you’re awesome as hell
When you get back to school you slowly start to come out of your shell
you start going to quidditch games, you start going to parties 
I mean, you don’t really talk much (baby steps) but hey, progress is progress
You did end up staying with the Weasleys for the summer
You called Molly “mum” once and she was so excited
Fred loved seeing you so comfortable with his family
You and Fred would sit outside at night and drink tea while talking
And one night he looked at you while you were smiling and he smiled at you 
“Y/n, we graduate next year.” He began.
“Yeah. Scary.” You said.
“Would you want to get married after we graduate?” He asked 
“Are you serious?” You gaped.
“Yeah... Unless you don’t want to--” “I do! I really do” You said.
“Wait really?” “Yes you nutjob!” You laughed.
“I will be right back.”
So he quickly told Molly “Mum, I accidentally proposed, I meant it but now I need a ring or something”
Molly had that shit on standby and was WAITING
So he came back downstairs with a ring and PROPERLY asked you to marry him
You were freaking out but said “hell yeah”
SO you two went through the next school year engaged and happy
the senior year came quickly and Molly was so damn excited. 
When you two graduated you two got married and my GOD the wedding photos were amazing
First off: You looked gorgeous
Second off: George photobombed everything but it was okay because it was hysterical
He somehow found a party hat and ran around squawking at people
in one of the wedding photos Ron also found a party hat and had it on as a unicorn horn that looked like he was about to attack George
Harry also found two party hats (where the fuck were they getting these things) and wore them on his hands
You were wheezing at these dumbasses
Molly was pissed but you and Fred found this fucking hysterical
In one picture Ron, George and Harry were attacking each other with the party hats and because these are magical pictures that go on a loop, the battle would play out everytime while you and Fred were dying of laughter at these idiots
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