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western-fence-lizard · 7 months

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rah rah healing from trauma etc (wip)

#poetry #original writing #writing #original poetry #poet #trans poet #trans poetry #queer poet #queer poetry #childhood #trauma #childhood trauma #poetry about recovery #poetry about trauma #i am getting better #hashtag recovery lol

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local-ink-lover · 2 years

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tws: implied ed

a poem about eating disorders and the sorta thoughts thag go along with/lead to them, kinda like a letter to all those who are struggling, especially young girls and also a letter to myself. it’s called monarch butterfly

monarch butterfly

know that you are not

killing the flowers,

their nectar will grow back

monarch butterfly

stop holding yourself

to what pygme consumes,

you will not survive

monarch butterfly

let your wings rest,

do not compare to skipper

monarch butterfly

you’re the subject of devotion,

do not shame your wingspan

monarch butterfly

you are not a butterfly,

not fragile nor for beauty

monarch butterfly

you are human,

just like me

monarch butterfly

you are allowed

to be human,

monarch butterfly

you are allowed

to survive.

#poetry #my poetry #tw ed #tw implied ed #tw mental illness #poetry about mental health #poetry about eds #poet #poems #poetry about recovery #poetry about self hatred #and also #poetry about self love #poetry in letter format

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coffeexxcigarettes · 1 month

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Annabelle

-

My body twists

And contorts.

A different shape than it was,

An hour ago.

I don't dare move,

And warp the image again.

I let my eyes focus

From one part to the next.

Tug at my shirt,

As tears begin to prick at my eyes.

I pull at my sides,

My hips,

And a sob builds in my chest.

I've spent

An ungodly amount of time

Calling myself beautiful.

I've gone down every path

I've sat through every therapy session.

And yet I end up here.

In front of the ever changing mirror.

The familiar voice

Finds its way back to me,

In such a comforting manner.

"It's okay." It coos,

"I can fix it. I can fix everything."

And I know it's right.

Right?

x

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akindplace · 2 years

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Can't throw gasoline on fire and call it a coping mechanism

Can't complain because being called out is not the same as gaslighting

When you show your smile while grinding your teeth

When it breaks your soul to lie to yourself, to your friends and family

When running away takes you further away from hope

And deeper and deeper into yourself

Do you know the difference between hell and your health?

#a little poem about not coping with your feelings #and then blaming everyone else for it #I've been thinking about how we create our hell trying to run from ourselves #mental health #self-acceptance #original writing #recovery #poetry #poem #writers on tumblr #original writers on tumblr

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queen-of-empathy · 9 months

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Waffles After the Movie Theatre

I’ll take double

whipped cream please

because I feel like

a kid again, briefly

I’m blinded by

fluorescent lights

pleather booths

and actual youths

making smarter nutritional

choices than me

I guess I’ll take

the strawberries

I used to take pride

in being hungry

now I take life and

dip it in honey

oh and the movie we saw

was kind of funny

my friends said it

was just about fine

we slipped in the

rain on the cobbles

and after our waffles

we went out for fries

#female poets #female writers #original poem #poetscommunity #original poetry #original poets on tumblr #poets on tumblr #quotes #poetry #poem #recovery #recovery poem #food #poems about food #food poem #waffles

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tellthemhowihopetheyshouted · 5 days

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more in depth explanation ig, i dont feel like i can listen to especially poets without thinking about the whole paternity test analysis thing.

when i first listened i felt really awful and embarrassed and i couldn't quite articulate why

while im still trying to figure it out, a huge part of my feelings was (and still is) that the part of me that wants to theorize about songs and who they're about, and connect it to taylor's life and imagine what she wrote about is at odds with what i hear in the lyrics about creeps who want the best for me and etc

there are some songs im better at just vibing with and some songs that i just actively have to force myself not to be like "oh thats about x person and so they did this and she did this and..."

I'm trying, and if anyone has suggestions or things that work for them please send them to me, im new to this and to online fandoms in general. i feel so shitty but then there's part of me that still doesn't see harm in thinking "x song is about taylor and x person, so using what you know about them both lets picture this in your mind" and "oh [symbol 1] that must mean it's about [person 1], but wait now there's also [symbol 2] so it's about [person 1 and person 2] but wait does that mean person 2 could also be related to symbol 1?" all the while all of these people are real actual people.

#another thing is i caught myself thinking ''god i love you taylor'' and then ''she'll never meet you don't adress her in the second person #she doesn't know you pretend like shes a character from a book so you don't makeup a parasocial relationship''#and i cant get it through my head that she's both a real person deserving of empathy and like an author or a person i really only know #through their work #because im stupid ig #so anyway im trying yo sort all this shit out and being online about taylor swift is really not helping lol #so i blocked every tag i could think of on most of my social medias #i might pop in on here from time to time but not for rebloging things because that feels like a minefield honestly #if anyone has suggestions probably ask box or dms is the best place to put them because i blocked the tags lol #i would really appreciate someone else's input on this and im totally willing to talk more about what my mindset is rn lol #thank you for reading through all this and have a good day #im gonna tag this with (some of) my blocked tags now so other people can see #poets #the tortured poets department #taylor swift #swifie #in shipping recovery #ttpd #tsttpd #taylor nation #taylornation #tortured poetry #tsttpdta #the anthology #the tortured poets department: the anthology

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madnesssharedbitwo · 8 months

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Welcome to the shitshow!

My names Robin. He/they. DID system.

I currently post mostly about Hannibal, Supernatural, Florence and the machine, Critical role, and whatever else is currently holding my interest. Expect mass reblogging then silence.

I’m an adult trans man (22). I will reblog nsfw things. Minors block the tag minors DNI.

Triggering things will be tagged as : Thing tw.

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butterfly-in-progress · 1 year

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An Old Friend

Last night, I was visited by an old friend

He takes many forms. When I knew him most, he was a vicious beast I had to tame. Sometimes he was a whispering ghost, just dancing at the edges of every party and social gathering.

But last night, he came in the form of a small child, wailing in the corner of my mind.

"I hate you! I hate you!" He screams.

I shush him as he sobs. "Oh, you're hurting very much, aren't you?"

I put on his favorite cartoon, and that distracts him from the screams for a bit. But then in the lull between episodes he stomps his foot. "You're so icky! And worthless! And stupid!"

"Someone sounds hungry" I said, and gave him some crackers to munch on. "Those aren't nice words, and they're not even useful. Tell me something I can work with."

The child considers for a moment, "your friends don't like you! They're annoyed and you made them upset cause you're so annoying!"

"Well, I have reason to believe they like me. If they have a problem with me, then they're big enough to say so. If they don't, then that's none of my business."

He continues to pout, so I give him a bath, and while I wash his hair he says. "You're just too much! Too much to deal with!"

I don't respond to that, so after a bit of silence, he musters. "You're not enough for anyone!"

I laugh. "Well, which is it? Too much or not enough?"

"Both!" He exclaims petulantly. I laugh and shake my head.

When he's warm and dry and has a cup of water to sip on, he makes one last feeble attempt. "No one loves you."

"Well that's not true, cause I'm someone, and I love me."

"That… that doesn't count!"

"I think it does, love."

I read him a happy story, and I tuck him into bed.

And the child that shares my name falls fast asleep.

When he wakes up, I will do it all again. And that's alright, I don't mind taking care of him. He's an old friend, after all.

#my writing #poetic prose #mental health recovery #poetry #original work #original poetry #i think there's something about caring for yourself like a child #reaching the point where my mental health symptoms do not sting the way they did #and responding with the knowledge that i just need some food and comfort

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tirzahstears · 2 years

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this world is intimidated by girls who know and like themselves, so i am given no choice but to be both of those things.

i spent my life- as long as i can remember- being told that i am too much. i am too loud, too big, too smart, too emotional, too fucking much. and for the first seventeen years i took it as an insult- let it crush every little bit of hope that resided in my chest, let it claw its way in to stamp out the every little bit of light that the world decided to leave for me.

but the world pays attention to girls who are too much.

i hope i intimidate you when i speak too loud for the room we are in, when i shout to my girlfriends who are three feet away from me. i hope i intimidate you when i lean back in my chair, kick my legs out in front of myself, let you know that i am here. i hope i fucking intimidate you when i correct your answers because god knows this world fears nothing more than a well educated woman. i hope i intimidate you when i cry, and laugh, and smile, when i dare to fucking exist as a person.

you look at my body and recoil- in disgust? in shock? in fear that, if you don't keep an eye out, you too might end up looking... like me? with my hairy legs and my bright blue cane and acne prone skin and big nose that i finally don't want to get rid of, you see my thick eyebrows and shitty fucking mullet, my short chipped nails and the stomach and thigh fat that hell, i worked my ass off to get- you see that i am a human fucking being and you run screaming from the goddamn building because you are afraid of girls who are not afraid of you.

but i am not afraid of my humanity anymore. i am not afraid to look like a person, to move and take up space like a person, to think and speak the way all of you were granted permission to do so at birth. you are afraid that i like myself- but i've always liked girls who are a little too much.

#this goes fucking double for trans girls . if a terf even THINKS about this post i will kill them #i'm not even really a girl . i mean . i am a little bit . bigender moment .#poetry #feminism #words #my poetry #spilled ink #my writing #on womanhood #on girlhood #ed recovery #body neutrality #femme #femme/butch

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rory-is-hiding · 1 year

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i wish i could tell him that it wasnt his fault - meaney et al 1988

some men in a laboratory split a group of rats in half. some were loved, raised with affection. raised with mothers and fathers and packed lunches and socks without holes in them and all of the things necessary to a rats childhood development. the other half were neglected. it was for science, and it wasnt fair.

so today, i am thinking about rat number 12.

i want to know if he ever peaked around the corner, and saw rat 11 in the arms of someone who cared about him.

and i wonder if he was angry. and i wonder what it felt like for him to see love for the first time, and if it hurt him in places he didnt even know could hurt, and if he wished he never looked.

and i want to know if he kept trying to find that for himself, something he had no words to describe. and i wonder if it just hurt him more, because it was never the same and it never would be. there was no way for him to fix it.

and i wonder if he begged for forgiveness for all of the ways that this pain made him ugly. and i wonder if he abandoned god. and i wonder if he never felt pure, or clean, or good, or gentle, ever again.

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ptsd-phoenix · 4 months

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Trauma vent

Looking at you today. Not focused on you at all, but briefly catching glimpses of you. As much as I could bear to stand the sight of you without my body seizing up. It made me realize that you are not the evil monster that I made you out to be in my head. You merely are.. a man. A male human. A boring specimen. A rather ugly looking one if you had to ask me, and I'm not one to easily call people ugly. I guess it's your inner darkness bleeding through your pores to show on the outside.

But no, you are not the embodiment of all evil. You're not a supervillain, no strong powerful tyrant. I can't give you that much credit. You're just a boring man, who decided to do evil things and commit evil crimes. You're not a clever mastermind. You're just an abuser. A manipulator. Someone that exploits weakness in others. I don't think that makes you smart, it just makes you a scavenger. Picking out the weakest prey, hoping another predator gets them to limp so that you can take your chance and don't have to do the hard work. You wouldn't ever target someone you think is an equal match for you, would you? You're a coward. You don't have honour. You try to take as much as you can get without being caught. You are sneaky. You are selfish. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.

You look miserable. I guess maybe you have realized how pathetic you are. Perhaps your guilt has finally caught up with you. Perhaps you are trying to repent for what you have done. It doesn't matter to me. No matter how good you live your life from now on, the past will still follow you. I don't think the things that you have done can be forgiven. At least not by me. If you ever dare repeat them to someone else. If I were to ever hear about that. I would make damn sure to save that person from you.

There is nothing special about you. There is nothing that makes you somehow stronger or more powerful than others. Your intentions are evil and you have no moral values. You like to deceive people and take advantage of them. But at the end of the day, you're just a man.

#phoenix posts non poetry #written for and about my abuser #actuallyabused #traumacore #seriouslysurvivor #trauma recovery #phoenix trauma vent #phoenix healing progress

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gailyspoems · 2 years

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A seed was planted

In my mind .. Long ago

Didn't know it was a weed

Wasn't thinking ..

Let it grow ...

But it spread rather quick

Camouflaged within my head...

So I'm poisoning it's roots

To grow flowers there instead

#poem #poetry #rhyming poem #creative writing #spilled ink #short poems #lit #poems on tumblr #poems about life #short poetry #rhyming poetry #ocd recovery #real event ocd #plant flowers not weeds #joy not pain #love not fear

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coffeexxcigarettes · 28 days

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Uncomfortable

-

The sound of a distant tune,

From that of childhood.

Cigarette smoke hanging in the air.

The moment feels like

Tar against my skin.

Sticky.

My body is heavy with

"I don't think this is working."

The way you

Tried to touch me.

Saying no felt like

Power.

To sit in silence,

That tune echoing in my head,

Dislodging thoughts,

Letting them fall

Down into my stomach.

My skin burned with the warmth

Of sweating in my sleep.

Wake up-

I shivered against the morning air.

Do it for yourself.

Do it for-

x

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akindplace · 2 years

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The future is not so bleak (so bleak)

Have hope have hope have hope

I have hope, I have hope (I hope).

Hope is battered and bruised on the floor

Hope stands up for me.

Hope gets me troughs days I thought I couldn't

It is either hope or death,

And I will not choose the latter this time.

This is time to hope,

hope that light reaches through the cracks,

that the seed is able to find nurture on this soil

that the leaves and flowers attract butterflies and bumblebees

and the tree I came to be holds down firmly to her roots,

hope that even when I can't see light, I still can bloom.

What is hope to you?

#on hope #about hope #answer if you want to!#self-care #self-worth #positivity #self-kindness #self-love #mental health #original writing #recovery #poetry

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the-desperate-stargazer · 8 months

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today, i saw a spider and i pointed it out to someone, and they killed it. they didn't shame me. they didn't terrorise me. they didn't taunt me. they didn't laugh at me. they didn't humiliate me. they didn't gaslight me. today, i saw a spider and someone just calmly killed it.

#small poetry #emotional abuse #poems about trauma #childhood trauma #fear of spiders #phobia #healing and recovery #scapegoat #child abuse

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crossmyheartandhopetodie94 · 2 years

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~Instead of living with regrets~

I think it’s more about…

Learning to love the person you have become.

Or are becoming.

Rather than trying to find the person you lost.

So much time has been spent mourning the person I lost.

I know I will never be that version of myself again.

What I did not know.. was that this is okay.

That I am… okay.

This new version of myself is..

Older. And wiser. And happier.

So heres to self growth and life lessons.

You changed me forever.

And I am learning from my mistakes.

Instead of living with regrets. ✌🏻

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