Alias
Summary: Bucky starts to remember a certain redhead. The past becomes a reason to connect and a reason to delve back into his treacherous mind.
Pairing: Bucky x Natasha (WinterWidow)
Warnings: Violence
AN: in the light of the post i reblogged of bucky and nat and my small rant, i decided to feed my imagination and console myself over the fact that nat is dead and we never got to see nat/bucky love onscreen. And also, my requests are empty. I’ll be making a masterlist of this soon.
CHAPTER ONE
The first time Bucky ever took notice of Natasha Romanoff, he was watching Steve doodle in the kitchen. The compound was half empty, silent, somber, and Steve had taken to doodling by the light of the moon, and Bucky had always found it especially relaxing to watch his oldest friend do the most mundane thing. And if it hadn’t been for the soft pitter-patter of footsteps on the hardwood floor, Bucky would have watched Steve draw for hours. But the light in the kitchen came on, and both Steve and Bucky looked up and saw a redhead waltzing in unabashedly.
The rest of the team were out for the night. Usually, Nat was the first to climb into Tony’s sleek car and go to some bar, but tonight, she stayed in. Bucky had never really taken notice in her, besides, well, that time he choked her and slammed her against a metal table. And now she was there, absently rummaging through the fridge, wearing thick leggings and woolen socks, her bright red hair a curled mess.
Steve went right back to his drawing, neck bent, unbothered by the normal appearance of Natasha. Bucky heard the scratch of Steve’s pencil, but he was unable to bring his eyes back to the paper.
Ever since Bucky had lived and survived his brainwash, all he’d wanted to do was live in a moderately stimulating world. He’d wanted to rekindle his friendship with Steve, something that had been ripped away from him so harshly. He’d wanted to mend his mind, to bring himself some sort of comfort and solace for the things he’d done.
He had not thought of striking up a romance.
Steve smiled, noticing just how intently his best friend was following the redhead with his eyes. “You can talk to her, you know,” Steve muttered, not leaving his drawing with his eyes.
Bucky frowned, turning his glare abruptly onto his friend. “What?”
They were far enough that Nat could not hear them as she was preparing herself a midnight snack.
“She’s a nice woman,” Steve continued. “Well, she can be harsh, but I’ve seen her be sweet.”
Bucky shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hm.”
But Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about her. Because there was something familiar. He’d seen her before. He knew her. His mind was a tricky place to venture in, and he preferred leaving his past with the Soviet Union where it belonged; in the dark confines of his thoughts. But he wanted to know exactly how Natasha fit into that puzzle.
He did his own digging. She was ex-KGB. Black Widow program. Red room. She could be placed with the Russians in the exact timeline where he’d been their perfect weapon, their ideal asset. The more he read, the more he felt like he lived it. The more he felt like he knew all of this already. But just like the Soviet’s had erased Bucky to implant the Winter Soldier, Bucky had done his best to erase the Winter Soldier.
One thing he kept telling himself was that if Nat knew him, wouldn’t she have come to him already? For answers. For unfinished business. For clarity. Whatever he’d done, to her or with her or despite of her, wouldn’t she have come clean?
Those were too many questions for Bucky’s fragile psyche to endure. For nights, he stirred awake in his bed, wondering if the redhead he couldn’t stop thinking about was afflicted with the same insomnia. He never dared talk to anyone about it, not even Steve. There was too much darkness Bucky did not want to relive.
But one day, Natasha stumbled upon his search history. She knew immediately that the memories had come to visit, had come knocking on the careful, intricate, and fragile door of Bucky’s mind.
She went to him then, careful in her approach. He was fresh off the running course, breathless and sweaty. She waited for him by the door, examining his posture. Defensive, when he saw her. She let her arms fall to her sides, open, harmless.
“Do you remember me?” she asked him carefully. He looked her over slowly, his blue eyes like two different doors to two different times.
“I think.”
She gulped. “What exactly?”
He shook his head, standing arms length away from her. “I don’t really know.”
Carefully, she stepped forward. Immediately, he stepped back. He’d grown a fear of proximity since his return to his normal self. And not because he was afraid of others, but because he was afraid of himself and the uncontrollable and unpredictability of his mind.
“I can tell you, if you want,” she offered, tensing at the sound of his metallic arm whizzing as the plates rearranged themselves.
He bit his lip, eyes cast down, pondering if he’d like to rehash his horrible past.
“It’s not...” she trailed off, gulping, and Bucky didn’t miss the slight redness of her cheeks. Oh, god, he thought, what did I do to her? “It’s not that bad, actually.” He felt a little bit better.
“I...” He looked at her; rosy cheeks, wide eyes, mouth parted. “I’d like to shower.”
She smiled. “I’ll wait for you in the kitchen.”
After his shower, Bucky dressed in jeans and a sweater, and found Nat in the kitchen. She’d made coffee, and two mugs were sitting on the table. His was lightened with milk. She knew how he took his coffee?
When she saw him examining his mug, she cleared her throat. “I guess that’s a good place to start.” They both sat at the table, facing each other. “We were very... close, you and I.”
Bucky nodded. “I had a feeling.”
She rolled her eyes. “Why, because you’re such a ladies man?”
For the first time in a long time, Nat saw him smile. “I just figured that if you knew how I take my coffee, you knew me fairly well.”
Her eyes snapped down to his coffee mug, to where his fingers wrapped around the cup, flesh and metal. “You’re right.” This time, her tone was less playful. “I guess I should have told you all of this sooner. But when you didn’t recognize me, I was hurt. And then, when you came back, you were so... fragile.”
He winced.
She continued. “I’m sorry. I owed you this way sooner.”
“I don’t think I was ready,” he offered, examining the cut of her jaw, the wild curls of her hair. Something in his gut shifted. Reconnaissance. Familiarity. Warmth spread in his chest, the kind you get when you are on known ground, when you know you are safe.
She smiled tenderly.
Russia, 1998, Red Room. Black Widow Program. Class of ‘84.
Eleven girls, fourteen in age, stood as stiff as metal rods under the green artificial lights of the gymnasium. A series of glistening blue mattresses were spread out behind them, fighting equipment lying vagabond. Gloves. Helmets. Mushy batons.
Mistress Galina had ordered them all to change into their training uniforms at the the crack of dawn. Natalia stood rigid at the epicenter, watching with vivid eyes as her Mistress stalked into the room.
“Ladies!” Her voice echoed off the walls sending the renown chill down Nat’s spine. Behind Mistress Galina were two of the trainers and one medic, per usual.
“Mistress,” came the drawling tone of fourteen young recruits. Galina smiled tightly, standing before the row of girls. Her dark brown hair was pulled back tightly into a knot at the base of her head. She wore the black suit of high-ranking spies of the KGB, outlined with dark red. A Widow suit.
“Ladies, let me present to you one of your new trainers and our best new asset.” Mistress Galina stepped aside, gesturing tightly to the door. Fourteen pairs of eyes watched as a man walked in.
Natalia observed him with discreet indifference. She knew what interest got her, and so she schooled her features to remain stoic.
He was the most frightening man she had ever seen. His hair was chin length, the color of chocolate, obscuring his face, keeping him in the shadows. She could understand why, if he was a new asset. One important and redundant feature that she was taught was anonymity.
He was of average height for a man, not that she’d seen many. She knew Henrich the medic and two of the fifteen trainers were men. But this man was built different. He walked like shadows, silent and smooth, and Natalia could almost smell the training off of him. But what was more alarming wasn’t the width of his shoulders or the size of his hands or just how impenetrable his chest looked. It was his metal arm.
It glistened under the lights, whizzing as the metallic plates rearranged themselves. As he came to stand dutifully next to Mistress Galina, he eyes remained trained forward, and his metal digits closed into a fist.
He looked inhumane.
“I assume you are ready to move forward in your training?” Mistress Galina asked.
The response came quickly. “Yes, Mistress!”
Their training to this day had consisted of fighting dummies or one another. Marksmanship was four times a week, and they had already graduated to sniper rifles. Six hours of school per day.
“Good.” Mistress Galina examined the row of girls before her with a somber expression. Natalia’s eyes kept finding their way over to the man with the metallic arm. His expression was void, jaw clenched, shadow of a beard on his chin. It was almost as if he didn’t even know where he was.
“Natalia!”
Nat’s eyes found Mistress and she straightened, chin up as she was taught to respond to her superiors. “Yes, Mistress.”
“Come forward.”
Natalia knew what hesitation got her. She knew the pain; it still echoed in her bones, in her muscles. She stepped forward two steps, hands behind her back. Braid of red hair feeling especially tight at the bottom of her skull.
“Show me and your trainers what you’ve learned.”
Natalia frowned. “I beg your pardon, Mistress?”
Mistress Galina smiled tightly again. “Show me and your trainers what you’ve learned in combat training, will you?”
Natalia gulped. She had no selected partner. Was she being given leave to pick her own adversary? She turned her head to her left, examining the row of young girls standing straighter than rods, eyes forward, chests out. Learned, indoctrinated postures.
She was about to make her choice when a shadow moved in her periphery. Nat’s head snapped forward, eyes sharp, her senses on high alert. She’d been trained well to react to any stimuli.
The man, moving like a ghost, now stood directly in front of her. He was much taller than her, and much wider. He didn’t seem to care that she was a fourteen year old girl and he was a grown man. He didn’t seem to care that his expression was blank, almost dead. He didn’t seem to care that his metallic hand was twice the size of her wrist as he clamped it around her neck.
Natalia reacted quickly. Her training had beaten it into her that it was now second nature, instinct, to defend herself. Her feet left the ground, leg wrapping around his arm. Her hands gripped his metal wrist.
But he was twice her size in weight, and her featherweight did nothing to deter her.
“You will face off opponents twice your size!” Mistress Galina exclaimed, and the man brought Natalia to the floor with a deafening thud. Nat’s ears started to ring, but she didn’t let her body distract her. He had her in a choke hold, one knee on the ground, her on her back. “You will face off men able to break you like a straw!”
Nat’s lungs burned, but she ignored it as she looped a leg around his neck. The only sign of life he gave was a low huff before he picked her up and slammed her so hard against the ground that her vision went dark and her body went limp.
“You will have to fight twice as hard as they will!”
Nat’s breathing echoed in her ears. She felt this man, this ghost with a metal arm who moved like a shadow, pick her up. She was like a doll in his arms, her back against the sturdiness of his chest. Natalia had only seen one doll in her life.
When her vision began to return, she saw the thirteen pairs of feet still standing, witnessing her weakness, her loss. Something akin to shame filled her from head to toe, burning bright on her cheeks, and the rage that followed was worse for her training than pride.
She threw her head back and heard the satisfying crack of bone, the loosening of the Ghost’s arms around her. Seeing her opportunity, she used her slimness to slip through his grasp and send her heel into his booted foot.
She twist and kicked him in the gut.
His nose was bleeding when he faced her, but unlike her, he wasn’t seething with rage or coiling with shame. He was as void and as blank as a machine.
They stood a few feet apart, enough space between them to breathe, to asses. Natalia looked to her Mistress, not surprised to see the total carelessness on her features as she assessed the young girl. Natalia wasn’t done fighting.
He came back at her with the same expressionless eyes. Natalia dodged all of his punches, receiving a few kicks and shoves, but managed to survive. She could not, however, land any offensive blows.
“You cannot go on like this, Natalia!” Mistress Galina hollered. “Strike!”
Natalia’s labored breathing left her lungs, but she obeyed her Mistress. The Ghost and her had danced around the training mats a few paces. Natalia decided to strike, using her ingrained tactics. Her knuckles hurt and bruised from the blows she was able to land, but he was remarkably fast, and he returned her punches tenfold.
He didn’t seem to be tired. He didn’t even seem out of breath. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to avoid her legs as she attempted a wrestling hold and pressed her flush against his chest again. Her arms pinned to her sides.
“Do not hesitate, Soldat!” Mistress ordered, and Nat wasn’t sure if it was an order to her or to the Ghost.
She soon got her answer.
He picked her up as if she was a doll, slamming her body against the floor with such force that a piercing crack echoed in the room.
Natalia screamed and everything went black and red. Pain blinded her senses, the breath leaving her lungs until her mouth was open in a silent, suffocating scream. Feet shuffled around her, but no one touched her. No one came to her rescue. No one helped her.
She rolled onto her back and gasped loudly, squeezing her eyes shut. Praying that the Ghost would not continue his assault on her. That Mistress Galina would order him to stop.
But over the buzzing in her head and the throbbing of her heart and the breath in her throat, she heard Mistress Galina yell, “The pain must not stop you from fighting! The mission, ladies, the mission is more important than something as trivial as pain!”
Natalia was sure that her collarbone was broken. She’d broken a few bones in the past; fingers mostly, her left ankle, and her wrist. But this sort of pain was different.
Things were yelled around her but she couldn’t hear.
Someone grabbed her by the arm, and Natalia screamed as she was picked up, brought to her feet. Opening her eyes, she was met with the shadow of the man, his metal fingers clinging to her bicep. She was unconsciously leaning against him.
Mistress Galina stood in the wavering line of sight of Nat. “You will fight, Natalia.”
“Yes, Mistress,” she whispered breathless, the pain scattering along her shoulder. She held it in, her left side rigid with pain, as she turned and faced off the Ghost again.
He didn’t seem bothered by the pain he’d caused her. He was too effectively trained to let such things affect him.
She brought her arms before her face, wincing and clenching a scream behind her teeth.
A fourteen-year-old girl against a twenty something man.
He came at her and this time, the fist he rammed into her ribs was enough to unravel her. She fell to her side, yelling, the world swimming in and out of consciousness. She was vaguely aware of the hand in her bright red hair. As if she was out of her body, she was lifted from the ground and slammed right back into the floor, her head splitting open. There was red on the floor, but Natalia wasn’t sure if it was her hair out of it’s braid or blood.
She didn’t care. She let the darkness take her.
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Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Review
"This isn't freedom, this is fear."
I’ve been looking forward to this more than any other Marvel movie. Yes, that includes The Avengers.
The Winter Soldier arc is one of my absolute favourite comic book storylines of all time. After Captain America: The First Avenger came out I hoped and prayed that the producers would be smart and adapt this storyline for the sequel. When it was finally announced that the sequel would indeed take inspiration from Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting’s original story (a Cold War spy thriller masquerading as a superhero adventure) my excitement soon gave way to concern. That story is just so good it would be impossible for this film to live up to my ridiculously high expectations.
I was wrong.
I bloody loved this film. I will even go so far as to say that it is my favourite Marvel movie to date. I enjoyed it more than The Avengers and you all know how much I loved The Avengers. The Winter Soldier has everything you could possibly want from a summer blockbuster - a smart script that actually makes you think (this is the most topical movie Marvel have ever made), strong characters you care about and action scenes that leave you breathless. Admittedly, many of the film's twists and turns aren't that shocking. I’d already guessed most of them after the first trailer came out. It is testament to how good this film is that this isn't really an issue.
Taking a leaf out of James Cameron’s book, this sequel switches genres from WWII adventure flick to conspiracy thriller. While the studio has tried to sell this as a multimillion dollar tribute to conspiracy films from the '70s like The Parallax View and Three Days of the Condor, The Winter Soldier feels more like a greatest hits package for the entire espionage genre. The Winter Soldier's story is right out of The Manchurian Candidate. The Washington setting recalls All the President’s Men and any number of Tom Clancy novels. And there is something very Person of Interest about the villain's scheme.
Directors Joe and Anthony Russo proved that they could produce great action scenes with Community’s minuscule budget, so it comes as no surprise that when handed a truck full of cash they knocked it out of the park. The Winter Soldier has some of the best actions scenes yet seen in a Marvel. With the exception of the grand finale (which is still ace), the brothers keep the action grounded, eschewing CGI in favour of good old fashioned practical effects and stunt work. Standouts include Cap’s brutal tussle in a packed elevator and Nick Fury being chased through the streets of Washington in his battered S.H.I.E.L.D. SUV.
Chris Evans continues to impress in the lead role, easily finding the lonely soul within the human flag as he struggles to find his place in the morally murky world of post-Watergate, post-9/11 America. In another’s hands, this character could easily be insufferably corny, but in Evan’s he is like a sad little puppy. You just want to hug him. One of the great things about Steve as a character is that he is a genuine team player. He's not one to hog the limelight. This allows the supporting cast more room to shine, particularly Anthony Mackie’s Sam Wilson. Emily VanCamp was the only one who felt underused, but I imagine she'll have an expanded role in Captain America 3.
The standout performance, however, comes from Scarlett Johansson. It’s nice to see all the great work done on her character by Joss Whedon isn't going to waste. This film is as much Natasha’s story as it is Steve’s. She is here as his partner and equal, not his sidekick (that role goes to Falcon). And it is a relief that the film doesn't try to force a romance between the two of them (Natasha spends most of the film trying to set Steve up with others). There are one or two tender moments, but they work more to strengthen the growing friendship between these troubled souls, who are just trying to find their place in this world. The film on the whole is surprisingly romance free, a first for a solo Marvel.
The film benefits from a pair of effective antagonists, an area where recent superhero films have struggled. I’ve seen others complain that the Winter Soldier himself lacks personality. That is the whole point. The Winter Soldier is not meant to be scheming mastermind like Lex Luthor, a charming trickster like Loki or a colourful anarchist like the Joker. He is the Terminator, a relentless, unstoppable force to reckoned with. He is someone who has had every trace of their individuality stripped away, leaving behind nothing but a ruthless killing machine. Elsewhere, Robert Redford - who would’ve made for an ideal Steve Rogers in his youth - puts that twinkly eyed charm to sinister use as S.H.I.E.L.D. boss Alexander Pierce.
Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World dealt with the fallout from The Avengers and how the events of that film affect the respective heroes. The Winter Soldier is all about setting the stage for what comes next. Not just Avengers: Age of Ultron, but for the entire Marvel cinematic universe as a whole, including the likes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the potential Peggy Carter series that is in the pipeline. The events of this film are going to have widespread repercussions for all our heroes.
Stars and Stripes
— One cameo was, to put it in words only a select few will understand, very cool cool cool.
— Steve’s list of things to catch up on changes depending on which country you see the film in. Here’s the American version:
And here is the British one:
— I'm not afraid to admit that Steve's brief reunion with the elderly Peggy Carter had me in tears.
— Done being in every TV show made in the last ten years, Alan Dale has obviously now moved on to showing up in all the film franchises. I expect to see him in the next Star Wars film.
— As with all Marvel movies, you shouldn’t leave once the credits start to roll. The mid-credits scene was directed by Joss Whedon and acts as a mini prequel for Age of Ultron.
— A certain sorcerer supreme was mentioned at one point. Does that mean a solo movie isn't too far off? Can't we have a Black Widow movie first?
Natasha: "You do anything fun Saturday night?"
Steve: "Well, all the guys in my barbershop quartet are dead. So no, not really."
Sam: "You're a lot heavier than you look."
Steve: "I had a big breakfast."
Natasha: "Hey fellas, either of one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil."
Steven: "That's hilarious."
Four out of four Vibranium shields.
Mark Greig has been writing for Doux Reviews since 2011
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NINA THOSE HEADCANONS!!! KILLED ME!!!! What other headcanons do you have of when Ryan wakes up in the present time? Does his family still lives? Or Shane's?
[Captain America Ryan / Winter Soldier Shane AU]
I sure do, actually lol
Ryan wakes up to a world he doesn’t know but remembers some parts of it that have survived, like the fact that their families are still in LA. From Shane’s direct family, there’s no survivors since both, Shane and Scott went MIA and none had children…
But from his side of the family, Jake survived the war, got married and had children. His brother is no longer around, but his wife, his children and grandchildren are. And Ryan doesn’t know how to approache them.
To his surprise, they approache him by visiting in Washington when he gets assigned an apartment and steady job with missions.
His in-law and youngest daughter comes to see him one afternoon a few days before Thanksgiving. He recognizes them right away because of pictures and god, it’s so awkward.
Eventually, she tells him they would like him to come meet the family because they all grow older hearing about him and they legally “represent” him after he went into the ice.
He goes for Thanksgiving. To his parents’ old house that is now bigger, whiter and brighter than he remembers. He mees his extended family and holds in his feelings when he sees they have pictures of Shane included between the family pictures in the living room.
When it’s time to have dinner, he can’t hold it anymore when he sees, like his mama used to do, they put in the middle of the table a little box with pictures of his parents, Jake, his in-law parents and “uncle Shane” in it because “it’s family dinner time”. This is the first year they don’t have to put uncle Ryan’s picture.
He is Disappointed But Not Surprised at how Shane being LGBT is debated and taken a rumor or a disrespectful joke between people, let alone him being LGBT. Things become worse when he is told to stay quiet about it “for the time being”.
Like the original Cap in the movie, he visits the exibition about him and the War in the museum in secret and spends long minutes looking at recordings and pictures of the people that is gone.
He eventually learns about what happened to Helen and the Commandos, later gets to actually meet members of their families as he learns to use celphones and e-mails. Ryan also gets to know them when going to events and so.
Funny enough, he becomes close to Helen’s family as she’s still alive and visits her often.
He is happy to know the families are close to each other and hasn’t stopped being friends in years.
When he meets his new team mates, things go as well as you can imagine. Eventually, he settles up and becomes fast friends with the Black Widow, Sara, who at some point a year later, will trust him enough to tell him a few things about what she has gone trough, and he will be able to open up with someone who gets it.
They become a strong unit and work great together, which makes them go on missions more often. They share beds and rooms, and soon he is hearing about the man that trained her and how she wishes she remembered more of him, and could have done something to save him when she escaped.
She starts going with him to family reunions. Sara doesn’t have a family, so it’s kinda weird for her at the beginning and Ryan shuts up about how he notices she is, in fact, excited about it.
More often than not, she mentiones to him how Shane looks so familiar to her. “You may have seen him in history books”, “Yes, but he is just… closer. Familiar.” “Uh.”
When he can’t sleep, he reads a lot of stupid shit on the internet. Not even “useful” stuff, just… everything he can get his hands on. He loves conspiracy theories, sue him. And he loves to read what kids say about him, the commandos, Helen and Shane.
Once he finds a forum with a thread of people talking about how much it means to them that, apparently, Sgt. Madej was LGBT. It makes him cry because kids like them still suffer so many years later.
When he finds fanfiction, he tries his best not to touch him. He ends up reading a few, then promises he won’t again. Because it hurts.
He enjoys fanart, though.
After he meets Eli (Falcon), he gets that social media everyone was praying he would get. Eli helps him with it and Ryan is already a fast learner so he becomes a little addicted to Twitter and then instagram.
He outs himself by accident when liking stuff on instagram and twitter. In spite of what he was told, to say he is just an ally, he decides ‘fuck it’ and says the truth: he is bisexual. Deal with it.
Eugene, aka Iron Man, can’t shut up about it and starts to invite him more often to things.
There’s a disaster in the world. He doesn’t give a fuck, and starts getting tired of how much they tell him to hold it together and behave.
As time passes, he starts putting attention at the conversations his likes on twitter causes. Because he RTs art and all, sometimes it includes “ship art” of him and Shane, and people wonder aloud about their relationship.
He thinks of telling the truth, that he loved Shane and was sure Shane loved him that way back but never got to tell him or act of his feelings. But then, his superiors already hate him and maybe it’s not really his place to talk about it, about Shane.
Eli and Sara think that since there is no one else to have a word about it, he could just say the truth.
He was going to, when he met the Winder Soldier.
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