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imonthinice · 3 years

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The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 1/?

Word Count: 1.3k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any name (your best friend’s name.)

This is just something I’ve been cooking up in my head during my maladaptive daydreaming. Not really having a plan for this one. ALSO: First post ever on Tumblr! I hope you enjoy it!

I forgot to include the Part 1 when I first posted this lmao F

Warnings: Curse Words, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

As a criminal psychology major, Jason Todd was an intelligent young man waiting to inherit a lot of Wayne Enterprises’ company. Not because Bruce was dying, but because that was Bruce’s promise to him, Graduate, he said, and you can work alongside me, boss and boss. The idea excited Jason entirely. To finally be seen as a colleague to his father was something he always needed from him, but he was too scared to say “Hey dad, am I more than just a sidekick now?” and he knew it.

She, too, was a criminal psychology major. An equally intelligent young woman fighting her way to the top of her class, Jason’s class. And of course, dating isn’t out of the question. Especially when she sees her peers, specifically the one with the white streak in his hair. There was something about him that made her insides twirl in many different ways, butterflies soaring throughout her as if he was destined to meet her. Luckily for her, he sat beside her. Before she could speak to him though, the Professor boomed at the class:

“Good morning class! I am your professor, Thomas Hangre, and welcome to Criminal Psych 101!”

And then began the quick and messy note-taking. She noticed the man beside her didn’t take notes. But, it’s his grade, not mine, she thought.

Little did she know.

When the professor finished, she went to pack up her notes, when the man tapped on her shoulder and outstretched his hand:

“Hey, I don’t think we got a chance to meet before Prof Hangre started spewing at us,” he laughed, “The name’s Jason, you?”

“Oh! My name’s Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, strange man from my criminal psych class, Jason.” she retorted and shook his hand.

“Well well, I can assure you if I was a criminal, Batman would have cracked down on me already, darling.” he stated, almost matter-of-fact-ly.

“You say that like you know Batman.”

“You don’t know if I don’t.”

She laughed at him, there was something about the way he delivered words and sentences that drew her in. This is the start of something good, she thought.

He nudged her slightly in a playful tap, “You want to get something to eat later? We can get to know each other better, and maybe rewrite those very, very sloppy notes of yours, Y/N?” he asked, he seemed shy about it.

“I would love to, Jason.”

They exchanged numbers and packed up her stuff. She figured he still had classes, but she didn’t. So she went back home to her roommate, A/N.

----------------------------------------

“Girl, you do not know the hunk of a man I met today, when I say carved by the Greek Gods and deliver words like a Wayne, I mean it!” she giggled with A/N, they were her best friend.

“C’mon, tell me that guy asked you out, at least to a book club if he’s that hot.” she asked.

“He did! We’re meeting up later at the library to rewrite my notes and chat. Do you think this outfit is cute? I want to make him swoon.”

A/N laughed, “Oh yeah? Girl you’re killing it and you know it. C’mon, red mini skirt, get that man. And maybe see if he has a brother.”

She roared out laughing, “A brother? He is the brother, no man comes from a family where there’s multiple nice ones, you know the saying.”

“Well still, roomies stick out for each other.”

“I know, I know.” she laughed. “Oh and have you seen the latest Bat news, apparently he’s gotten injured.”

“Serves him right for being a bat!”

“Be nice! The man protects us and you know it.�� Just then, she looked at the clock, she had 30 minutes to meet up with Jason, so she started panicking.

“I gotta go now, wish me luck.”

“Go, get him.”

-----------------------------------

She pulled up to the library with her bag of hastily written notes and car keys on her lanyard. She was nervous. This was someone who was really cute, and so far, he seemed really sweet to her too. She gulped, getting out of her car. The thing was beaten up to hell and back, so she hoped Jason didn’t see her in it. But he did.

“Hey Y/N.” Jason whispered and she jumped. He laughed.

“Nice beat up car, Y/N. Really living out the broke college kid lifestyle, gotta respect it.” he joked.

“Oh yeah, this is, uh, just aesthetics. I’m secretly very, very rich. Millions of dollars. All my money too.” they both laughed and he lead her inside the library and they both sat down at a desk with two chairs and a computer. This was more luxury than she even had back with A/N.

Jason grinned and took one of her notebooks and started trying to transcribe what she wrote onto a word document. She laughed, because even though she knew her handwriting was barely legible, he seemed to be managing, and she admired his efforts.

“You know, Jason, I can always transcribe it myself,” she said.

“No, no, it’s okay. If I write it then I can print it for both of us, so you don’t have to pay the printing fee.”

“There’s a printing fee?”

“Yeah, one of my brothers used to go here, my dad says if we all go here he’ll pay the fees since it’s worth it for this college.” he said.

“You have brothers?” she asked, shocked he opened up this quickly.

“Oh yeah I do. 4 to be exact. 3 sisters too. What about you?”

“A twin sister. She’s quite lovely, goes to a different college like a nerd though.” she joked.

He let out a booming laugh, “I think we’re the nerds, Ms. Criminal Psych Major.”

“You have got me there, Jason, you got me there.”

“I know I do, Y/N. So, what high school did you come from, or are you an out-of-city kid?”

“Not from this city, I’m actually from Metropolis. It’s huge and annoying there. Too many people. This is such a smaller city compared to Metropolis. I’m guessing you were a Gotham Academy kid?” she asked.

“Yeah, repping the Gotham Academy to death and back, I met a lot of good people there and I would have to agree, my uncle lives in Metropolis, it’s massive.” he said.

“Your uncle is probably a people-person then, I’m sure as hell not.” she retorted.

“Neither am I, but there was something about you that seemed inviting if I’m honest. I don’t regret asking you this, what is this? A date?” he asked.

“If you want to call it a date, we can call it a date, Jason.” you assured him.

“It’s been a date then.”

“Well I’m glad you thought I was inviting and worth your time, Jason. Really, this is lovely.” you once again assured him.

“Did I tell you that you look nice? Red’s a lovely colour. It’s even my favourite colour. It’s like you can read my mind and dress for the occasion.”

“Man, if I could read your mind, I’m sure it would be a joyride. Maybe I’ll know why you went into Criminal Psych over everything else.”

“That’s a story for another time, Y/N.” he said as he somehow finished typing out the last page of the notes, “I guess this will conclude our date, shame really.”

“Well, that just means there’s room for a second date, Jason.”

“I’ll make sure to tell my brothers about you, then.”

“Is the second date worthy of the Mighty-Jason’s brothers knowing about me?” you are inclined for the answer.

“Well, the first was the minor mention of your name, the second is saying ‘We had fun, I have hopes.’ You know?” he said.

“I know.”

And he printed the document.

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd x fem!reader #red hood #red hood x reader #red hood x fem!reader #batfam #batfamily #jason todd x y/n #red hood x y/n #red hood x you #jason todd x you #dcu #dc #dceu #batbros #jason todd fluff #red hood fluff

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your-nerd-is-showing · 3 years

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To Tame A Wild Heart

Combined fanfic with @mguqiis WC 5.3K 13 pages long! This will be a complete fanfic I have 3 different ones I will be posting here.

Satoru Gojo the college campus hottie, his reputation of him getting around proceeds him. Every girl wants a piece of him and many have gotten a piece already. Then one day you transfer into one of his classes and he sets his eyes on you. He wants you but you’re unobtainable, that drives him crazy making him want you even more. No one ever, ever says no to Satoru Gojo. Every single one of your friends warned you about him but you didn’t listen…. You thought you were special to him and could tame him…. Maybe you can….

Chapter one: Welcome to Freshman Year

It was the third week of school and you were able to finally transfer into Advanced Placement Writing for your major. You made your way into the classroom and went all the way to the top away from everyone. To your classmates and friends you were (F/N) (L/N) but to the internet, you were known as Yoru-Chan famous smut writer of the series When a God Falls. You pulled out your laptop to work on your latest book, instantly getting sucked into your writing the world around you disappeared.

~Takara looked deeply into Fudo's endless ocean blue eyes as he pounded into her. “F-Fudo I m-missed you soooooo muchhhhh!” She moaned out as she slammed down on his cock hard.

“I missed you too my love.” He leaned up to kiss Takara deeply, she wildly attacked his lips as she entangled her fingers in his soft white hair.~

You faintly heard the bell ring, suddenly someone was tapping you on your shoulder bringing you back to reality. You looked up at a young man with white hair and the most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen…. “No fucking way…. Fudo?” You mumbled to yourself as you got lost looking at him.

The young man just smiled at you. “Hello my name is Satoru Gojo.”

“Oh-oh hello my name is (F/N) (L/N). It’s nice to meet you Gojo.” You replied shyly.

“Please call me Satoru.” He smiled at you again. “So whatchya working on?”

“Oh! Its n-nothing just a story of mine.” You said dismissing the subject.

“I would love to hear about your story.” Gojo said as he leaned in closer to you.

“M-maybe another time….” You said shyly as your cheeks turned red.

“Okay class listen up!” Started the professor. “Today we are picking partners for your projects! By the end of the year I want an entire book written minimum of fifteen chapters!”

The class groaned in annoyance.

You were sitting on the edge of your seat very excited for this.

“Come on guys don’t give me that! This is going to be a fun assignment! Anything goes in your book!”

Your eyes widened in wonder. “A-anything?” You said to yourself.

Gojo looked at you. “Pssssst (Y/N).”

You glanced at him. “What is it Satoru?”

“Will you be my partner?” He flashed you a sexy smile.

You turned bright red. “Uh-uhhhh wh-why do you want to be m-my p-pa-partner?” You stammered.

Gojo took your hands in his. “Because I see how excited you are for this project and I want to be partnered with someone who has a passion like I do for writing.”

You took your coat, hat and glasses off revealing your beautiful body and captivating (E/C) eyes. You had a cute punk look going for you wearing a black skin tight shirt with holes cut in all the right places, cut up jeans with fishnets peeking out of the holes and combat boots.

“Damn little hottie has a body. Now that is something I would like a go at.” Gojo thought to himself as he looked you over his ocean orbs stopping on your big breasts.

“So what do you say?” He looked at you.

You tucked your long (H/C) hair behind your ears. “Uh-uhhh we-well.” Your eyes darted around and noticed a group of girls were coming your way. “What is he super popular or something? I mean he is absolutely gorgeous.” You thought to yourself. “Wait Satoru Gojo I have heard about him! He’s a Sophmore and I heard he gets around with the girls on campus…. What am I about to get myself into?...”

“Y-yes I will be your partner!” You said really loudly drawing attention to yourself.

Gojo smiled at you. “Wonderful!”

You and Gojo looked over at the group of girls, they looked like they wanted to kill you.

“AHEM!” The professor cleared his throat gaining the classes attention again. “As I was saying anything goes in your stories! You’re adults now I want to see you push your limits step out of your comfort zones! Write something gruesome! Write some smut I will allow it!”

Your eyes almost fell out of your head when the professor said that.

“Okay now go pair up and start discussing your books!”

Gojo turned to you. “I can see the wheels turning in your head (Y/N)-chan, what are you thinking about for our book?”

You tapped you chin. “Hmmmm.” You took out a notebook and a pen. “Well what kind of books do you like to read?”

“Oh! I love fantasy, folklore, sci-fi…. Hmmmmm oh!” Gojo motioned you to move closer to him. “My guilty pleasure is the web novel series When A God Falls by Yoru-Chan.”

Your eyes grew wide. “No way….” You mumbled.

Gojo's eyes lit up. “You know the series? Oh my God I am obsessed with Yoru-Chans writing it’s amazing! Plus Fudo reminds me a lot of myself.”

“That’s for sure you certainty have his charming personality and good looks.” You muttered to yourself.

“What was that?” Gojo asked.

“Oh nothing…. So I’m taking a wild guess you want smut in our story?” You said smugly.

He placed his hand on your leg. “I was hoping we could write from personal experience.” He looked at you his ocean blue orbs filled with lust.

You removed his hand from your thigh. “I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am but I don’t jump into some random guys bed that easily Satoru. Are you extremely attractive? Yes you are, but you’re going to have to try harder than that mister.” You stuck out your tongue revealing a piercing.

He raised his eyebrow. “So there is a chance?” He said smugly. “Then challenge accepted! I’m taking you out to dinner tonight!”

“W-wa-wait just a minute.” You said getting very flustered as you fiddled with your hands.

“What you don’t want to be taken out by the hottest guy in school?” He said smugly.

“I mean I do but this is moving all so quickly.”

He smiled at you again. “Baby girl I am Satoru Gojo I do not take things slow.” He placed his hand back on your thigh.

“Well I’m not the type to move fast, I have heard about you reputation Satoru you never get into a relationship with any girl and I am not looking for a random fling.” You said removing his hand yet again.

He grabbed your hand and leaned in close to you. “Like I said (Y/N) challenge accepted.” He winked at you. “Now do you have any other classes today?”

“No this is my last class.”

“Perfect! Do you have any plans this weekend?”

“N-no?” You stammered.

He smiled at you.

“What are you scheming Satoru?”

The bell rang for class to end, Gojo held out his hand for you to take, you did so.

“This weekend my dear you are mine.” He smirked at you. “Let’s go out for lunch then back to my apartment. Sound good to you?”

“O-okay that sounds good.” You packed up your bag, Gojo wrapped his arm around you making you freeze up. Your heart was trying to beat out of your chest.

Gojo took you out to a very nice sushi restaurant for lunch.

“Damnit why of all people Satoru is…. He is the spitting image of Fudo….. Literally the man of my dreams and he’s a player….” You thought to yourself letting out a frustrated sigh.

Gojo tightened his grip around your hand making you look up at him. “What are you thinking up in that beautiful mind of yours?”

You shook your head and laughed. “Boy you are so smooth, it’s laughable how hard you’re trying to get in my pants.” You patted his hand.

“When I set my eyes on someone I like I won’t give up until I make them mine.” He held your hand.

You rolled your eyes. “Oh so very charming. How many girls have you used that line on?” You said sarcastically. “Too bad I see right through you Satoru. Those sweet compliments and a sexy smile might work on every other girl… that just means they’re easy to get into bed. I am a much more complex woman who isn’t as easily swayed just by your good looks.”

He leaned in close to you. “So what do you want?”

“A-a love like Takara and Fudo.” You started.

“Ohhhhh so you do read the series!?” Gojo got all happy.

You blushed. “Y-yes I do read it.” You said shyly.

“Hm? There’s more to it isn’t there?”

A small huff left your lips, though the pink which scattered your delicate cheeks stayed. “There isn’t. You shouldn’t pry in others’ affairs.” You said defensively.

You let out a small sigh, thinking to yourself. “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m ridiculous!” You had the urge to smack yourself at the nearest wall, but right now wasn’t the best time and place.

“There’s something off with how she suddenly reacted like that…” Gojo thought to himself.

“How about we just go to your apartment?”

“Aren’t you eager ‘Ms. I’m different from other girls!’?”

“Not particularly…” You turned your nose up.

“What?”

“I-It’s not what you think!” You said in a huff.

“What I think? Sweetcheeks, just what do you mean by that? How scandalous of you-“

“No! It’s not like that!” You backed up.

“I mean, why else would you go to a guy’s place?” Gojo moved closer to you.

“I said its not like that!”

“Keep it up and I’ll seriously continue to think you’re some closet pervert.”

“P-Please don’t!” You stammered as your face turned redder by the second.

“Her face is so red, can’t help but tease her.” Gojo thought to himself and chuckled.

---

You stepped into his apartment looking around surprised. “It’s so clean.” You said in amazement.

“I'm kinda offended by that (Y/N),” He replied sounding kind of hurt. “you make it sound like all I do is get it with girls!” He walked over and took your jacket.

“Isn’t that exactly what you do..?” You scoffed mumbling to yourself.

“Huh? Said somethin’?”

“N-Nothing! Nothing at all!”

He turned around and walked closer to you.

You backed up into a wall slightly intimidated by Gojo's God- like features.

He put his arm on the wall and looked deep into your eyes. “Now that we’re alone… Wanna tell me just what about that book got your panties in a twist?”

“W-What do you mean?” You shuddered averting your eyes from his gaze.

“You know exactly what I mean. Why else would you smile when I mentioned it? Or the way you just dismissed it when I asked about it? You’re definitely hiding something, (Y/N).”

“N-No I’m not! I…” You started getting defensive again trying to hide your nervousness.

He tilted your head up to look at him. “Yes you are (Y/N).” He leaned in closer to you. “Look at the way you’re acting right now.”

“Shit… he just looks so much like him. It’s just to hard to resist…” You Thought to yourself.

“Cat got your tongue? Should I help you fix that?”

“Fudo I-!”

“...Did you just call me ‘Fudo’?”

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” You thought to yourself.

“Why on earth did you call me ‘Fudo’? Don’t tell me you’re in love with the main character!?” He smirked at you getting an idea.

“Don’t be so shy love.” He gently grabbed your butt picking you up as he leaned into your neck.

Your skin was getting hotter by the second as Gojo pressed his body against yours. “F-fuck why is he doing this!? This is exactly like the first time Takara and Fudo met!” You thought to yourself your breathing getting heavier as Gojo pressed his soft lips against your neck.

“F-Fudo wh-what are you doing?” You wined out.

Gojo stopped and looked at you with his ocean orbs. “What ever do you mean Takara?” He leaned in close to your lips.

“F-fuck why are you doing this?” You shook your head coming back to your senses. “No Satoru please stop. This isn’t what I want.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? You were really getting into it (Y/N).”

“Getting into what?” You asked looking confused.

“Roleplaying? I’ve never tried it before but roleplaying this book would be a lot of fun and seeing as you look a lot like Takara who is totally hot-“

“Roleplaying? You mean like acting out different characters?”

“Uh yea? What did you think I-“

“I mean I did model Takara after myself….” You mumbled a bit too loud and Gojo heard you.

“Woah wait just a minute! What do you mean you ‘modeled Takara after yourself'?”

“Huh?” You looked at him. “Oh shit…. Ummmm.”

“Okay (Y/N)! Spit it out!” Gojo yelled as he tickle attacked you.

You flailed about. “Noooooo Satoruuuu stoppppp!” You wiggled in his grip as he tickled your sides, you started to laugh. “Hehehe Satoruuuuu!” You continued to flail trying to free yourself, you managed to knock Gojo over landing on top of him.

Gojo locked you in a bear hug. “Ha I caught you! You’re not getting away until you tell me what in the hell you’re talking about.” He came dangerously close to your lips. “Now tell me my dear (Y/N).”

“Uhhhhh.” You studdered becoming a hot mess in Gojo's arms.

Gojo looked deep into your eyes giving you the puppy dog stare pleading with you. “Pleaseeee?” He kissed your cheek.

“Damn you Satoru.” You let out a frustrated sigh. “I….. Am Yoru-Chan.”

His eyes widened in amazement. “No fucking way seriously!? You’re Yoru-Chan!?” He let go of you giving you a dumbfounded look.

“What!? Why is that so hard to believe? Do you want me to show you some of the new book?” You asked taking out your lap top.

“I just never expected the writer of a famous internet smut novel be a cute little punk girl…. And a Freshman in college at that! The way you write about sex and describe it is like how someone with year’s of experience would write…. My closet pervert theory is standing with you!” He laughed teasing you more.

A frustrated sigh left your lips as your cheeks flushed a deep red. “H-hey now! I am not a closet pervert! For your information I am still a virgin!” You yelled as those words spilled out of your mouth you realized what you just blurted.

Gojo looked at you wide eyed. “You're a virgin and you write like that!? Oh my God….” He took you in his arms. “well then why don’t you write from personal experience?”

“Hey cool it Fudo!” You growled pushing Gojo off of you.

He smirked. “You really did model Takara after you, shy but defensive personality. This is going to be fun! Okay I want to take you out to dinner and a club after. I’ll walk you to your dorm so you can get clothes for the weekend.”

“Uhhhhh I don’t know if that’s a good idea my roommate Utahime is not a fan of you at all…. She might get really pissed off.”

Gojo raised an eyebrow. “It’ll be fine! I insist a beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be walking around on your own.” He smiled at you and handed you your coat. “Plus you don’t know how to get back here from your dorm.”

“Okay you got me there.” You admitted as he helped you put your coat on.

Gojo opened the door and a girl was standing there. “Oh! Yuki what are you doing here?”

Yuki looked at you. “Uh Gojo we had a date today?”

“Oh.” Gojo laughed nervously. “Sorry Yuki I need to cancel I have an important project that’s most of my grade in AP Writing and (Y/N) is my partner.”

Yuki laughed. “So why not ditch the nerd and let her write it?” She gestured to you. “Then we can go out! You’ve never cared about school this much before or ever hung around a goth girl. Gojo what’s up with you?”

“Excuse me who are you calling a nerd and giving labels to?” You butted in. “How would you like it if I said you looked like an escort.” You said looking at Yuki who was wearing a skin tight leather dress with a plunging neckline.

“Well I would like to be escorting Gojo out on a date!” She said angrily not even getting what you just called her.

You looked at her dumbfounded. “Well I am sorry Yuki but he is working on a project with me and taking me out tonight. I'm sure you have plenty of other men you can go out with. Why not message one of them?”

“Why I ought to!”

Gojo locked the door behind him and walked away with you. “Oh! Yuki don’t bother messaging me ether, this young lady will be taking up most of my time now. Bye!” He wrapped his arm around you.

“That little whore just thinks she can come in and take my favorite man from me! Oh she has another thing coming!” Yuki stormed off in the other direction.

“I'll be taking up most of your time now? Really Satoru? I heard you never spend more than a week with the same girl.”

“Well maybe I’m trying something new.” He smiled at you. “Now which dorm is yours?”

You pointed to the left. “The freshman dorms are over there.” He took your hand in his walking with you to the dorms.

People were gawking at you as you walked hand in hand with Gojo.

“Tch look at the new arm ornament Gojo has this week.” A girl with blue hair scoffed. “Poor girl will learn soon enough that he is going to leave her just like he does to every other girl. Poor little naïve Freshman doesn’t know what’s coming! Haha!”

“Sa-Satoru I feel like I’m being put on display…. And I don’t like it at all. Everyone is staring at us!” You said becoming flustered.

“Shhhhh it’s okay (Y/N).” He wrapped his arm around you again and kissed the top of your head so everyone could see.

“I don’t know something seems different about him with that girl…. He would never wrap his arm around a girl or kiss their head like that.” Said one of the girls friends. “Pfft imagine someone like her catches the heart of Satoru Gojo its laughable!”

All of the girls laughed.

A beautiful tall blonde approached you and Gojo. “Hey Gojo what’s with the charity case?” She asked pointing at you.

“What the fuck!?” You growled. “Is there some sort of issue with who I am and how I dress!?”

“Calm down (Y/N) you’re beautiful just the way you are.” Gojo smiled at you completely ignoring the girl as he walked past her.

“B-but Satoru both girls who approached to talk to you made fun of how I dress….. Now I’m never one to be insecure about who I am however, the two girls looked like models compared to me…. I’m not the usual type of girl you go out with am I?”

“Hmmmmm now that you mention it no you’re not, but that doesn’t matter to me. Like I said (Y/N) when I girl catches my eye I don’t give up.”

“And what about a girl- Hey!” You yelled as someone pulled you away from Gojo. “Utahime what are you doing?”

“(Y/N) can I talk to you?” Utahime glared at Gojo as he followed. “Alone!” She stormed off with you.

“Wait at least let him in the building!” You pulled away from Utahime to let Gojo in. “I told you she didn’t like you.” You sighed. “I’m in room 345 on the third floor just meet me up there.” You said before Utahime pulled you away again.

“What was I doing here again?” You thought to yourself as you stared at your overnight bag trying to ignore Utahime.

“Seriously (Y/N)! You can’t just stay with Satoru Gojo! He’s bad news!” Shouted Utahime bringing you back to reality.

“How many times have you told me that..?” You rolled your eyes as you walked over to your closet to grab clothes. “Hmmmmm now what should I wear?” You asked yourself as you looked through your mostly black wardrobe. Your eyes fell on your beautiful purple corset dress. “That’s perfect for tonight! Hmmmmm now what else? Maybe I should start dressing more like Takara, Satoru would like that….”

“I’ll keep repeating myself if I have to, (Y/N)! Satoru Gojo is not to be trusted if you want your heart broken!” She said trying to convince you not to go. “Please be smart about this and take my advice! Don’t go!”

“We’re going to study.” You said as you packed up a couple of skirts and cute tops to go with them.

“Shut up, you’re sleeping over for the weekend!” She yelled as she took out your sexy night gown and thongs. “Look at yourself (Y/N) you were just saying that Gojo would like it if you dressed like the character of your book!? Wait does he know that you’re Yoru-Chan?”

“I’m going, Utahime. There’s nothing you can do about it.” You finished packing your bag.

“(Y/N)! I’m warning you! He is a player!”

“Yeah, yeah just text me if there’s an emergency, okay?” You patted her shoulder as you turned to leave.

“That’s if you’re not already on your knees for him!” She scoffed. “You better fucking answer.”

“H-Hey! That’s not funny!” You said getting flustered.

“Then don’t go!” Utahime pulled on your arm.

“But mooooom, it’s an assignment that’s most of my grade! I have to go!” You said sarcastically as you opened the door to leave.

“Did you just call me your ‘mom’?— hey! (Y/N)! Come back here!” Yelled Utahime as you snuck out. She followed you out into the hall and saw you walking away with Gojo, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Dumbass.”

—

“So, Yoru-chan.” Gojo started.

“P-Please don’t call me that in public Satoru….” You said shyly as your cheeks flushed pink.

“Hehe, can’t help it. Still need to process someone as beautiful as you wrote such interesting stories.” He pulled you into his arms.

“S-Satoru!” You squeaked as he gently groped your butt.

“Fiiiiiiine, I’ll stop!”

silence….

“Thank you for walking me to my dorm and back.” You smiled at him

“It’s the least I should do for my precious Takara.” Gojo said flashing you a sexy smirk.

“You said you’ll stop the teasing!” You said getting a bit defensive.

“Kinda lied.” He chuckled as he unlocked his door.

You rolled your eyes. “What have I done?” You mumbled.

“Hmmmm you caught the eye of hottest guy on campus, that’s what you’ve done!” He said happily.

“Yeah too bad this gorgeous man is total player!” You said getting upset. “You know just my luck the man of my dreams-“

“Wait I’m the man of your dreams?” He looked at you confused.

“Well Fudo was modeled after the man of my dreams and you’re the real life Fudo sooooooo….. Yeah you kinda are.”

“Well if I were to truly become the man of your dreams….” Gojo held you in his arms. “what would you want me to do? Other than the obvious cutting out every girl I have ever hooked up with.”

“Hmmmmm well lets go out tonight and I will tell you after! Wait are you seriously willing to change for me?” You looked at him astonished.

He sighed. “Well seeing as Takara is the woman of my dreams and I have found my real life Takara, yes I am!” He kissed your cheek.

“You do know it is going to take a lot of proving yourself for me to trust you Satoru.”

He kissed your nose. “Challenge still accepted beautiful! I’m not giving up on you (Y/N)!”

You sighed. “Well I guess I don’t have a choice now do I?” You laughed.

“Oh you’ve had plenty of chances to leave but you haven’t yet, so I think you want this just as much as I do (Y/N).” He leaned in close to your lips.

You started to get warm and very flustered.

“Am I wrong my dear?”

You gave him a kiss on his lips. “Is that enough of an answer for now? I’m still not sure myself….. But I do know I don’t want to leave….. I’m looking forward to this weekend.” You smiled at him.

He smiled back and he took out his phone as he sat on the couch. “And to start I’m deleting all my social media and making a new Facebook that you will have the password to!” Gojo said as he started to delete apps off his phone.

“Woah hold on Satoru are you sure? You’re making it sound like I’m your g-girlfriend…”

“Well don’t you want to be (Y/N)?” He asked as he pulled you into his lap. “Don’t you want to be the girl who tamed Satoru Gojo?”

“I-I mean yes I do…. But like I said you have to do a lot of convincing for me to say yes, you are off to a good start!” You replied as Gojo handed you his phone to set up his new Facebook. “Okay the password is TakaraFudo, annnnnnnd done! What photo do you want to use?”

“I was hoping I could take a photo with you?” He asked smiling at you.

“Um sure! Why don’t we take one all dressed up for our date tonight? I don’t look very photogenic right now.” You laughed.

“You are absolutely beautiful right now!” He replied as he wrapped his arms around you taking a cute photo of the two of you. “See?” He showed you the photo.

You looked at it. “Yes I know I am beautiful, but I want to look even better! Hey can you send me that photo please?”

“Sure what’s your number?”

“It's 080-5555-2567.” You glanced down to see Gojo put you in his phone as ‘My Beautiful Takara'. Your phone buzzed and you looked at the message with the photo ‘I’m putting this as my background on my phone <3 you are so beautiful!’ You smiled at the sweet message and put Gojo in your phone as ‘My Wonderful Fudo'.

“What am I doing….?” You thought to yourself.

“Would you care for a drink (Y/N)?” Gojo asked you.

“Do you have mango sake? That’s my favorite!”

“Uhhhhh, yes I think I do! I’ll be right back with that for us!” He got up and went to the kitchen.

“What am I getting myself into? God he really is so smooth I’ve barely known him a day and I’m already acting like a fangirl! Come on (Y/N) you’re better than this....” You sighed. “But he’s so handsome ugh, I need to get my head checked! Here I am saying I’m not like other girls but yet I agree to sleeping over his apartment for the weekend.”

“Ohhhh Takaraaaaaa! I mean (Y/NNNNN)! Sake is served!” Gojo said happily as he bounced in with the tray of sake.

You laughed. “Why thank you Satoru.” You cheered Gojo and took a shot of the sake. He poured you another shot.

“To us!” Gojo held out his cup.

“T-to us!” You cheered him again and downed the shot.

You and Gojo we’re going shot for shot, Gojo kept making up the dumbest things to toast to but he didn’t care he wanted to get you drunk so you would loosen up. About an hour passed by and you were feeling pretty good.

“F-Fudo.” You hiccuped. “I-I-I think I’m goooooood I’ve had tooooo mu-much to-to drink.” You said slurring your words.

“Hm? How drunk are you?” He asked leaning in close to you as Gojo wrapped you in his arms.

You let out a small nervous hiccup. “Drunkkkkk enough to doooooo this!” You wrapped your arms around Gojo's neck as you straddled him and kissed him passionately.

Gojo pulled you in closer deepening the kiss as he slipped his hand under your shirt.

You broke the kiss. “H-heyyy wh-what do you think you’re doing Fudo I-I mean Satoru?” You swatted his hand away “Behave! Just because I kissed you it doesn’t mean I’m giving in that easily….” You blushed. “I-I just really wanted to kiss you….”

He smiled at you. “Okay, okay I’ll behave…. For you.” He looked at you like he wanted another kiss.

You chuckled. “What do you wanna kiss me again-“

Gojo cut you off planting another kiss on your lips. He gently nibbled on your lower lip making you moan allowing entry. Instantly he invaded your mouth dancing with your tongue. He gently groped your butt making you moan again.

“Well she certainly is a horny drunk…. I wonder how far she will let me go?” Gojo thought to himself as he slipped is hand into your shirt again swiftly unhooking your bra, this time you didn’t stop him.

You broke the kiss. “Sa-Satoru you said you would behave!” You said giving him a disgruntled look.

“Heh, I lied.” He smirked at you. “Come on baby girl I can see how badly you want to give into your desires….. I see it in your eyes…. You’ve been fighting it all day....” He leaned into your neck gently kissing it. “You want me so badly right now.” He whispered teasing you.

“Sa-to-ru.” You wined out. “Yes I do want you!” You blurted out. “Fuck!” You held your hands over your mouth.

Gojo got all excited kissing you as he attempted to take off your shirt but you stopped him. “Wa-wait just a minute Satoru! I’m not done…. Yes I do want you, however I am not quite ready to give myself up that easily. So BEHAVE! Please?”

“But whyyyyyy?” He asked pleading with you.

“Have you forgotten I am a virgin? This is a big deal for me….. I always thought I would be giving it up to someone I was in love with, someone who I had been dating for a long time…. Never have I ever thought that I would be contemplating hooking up with a guy I just met…. God I really am easy!” You said getting frustrated.

“I don’t think your easy.” Gojo kissed your lips. “Not to sound bad…. Well this is gonna sound bad however I say it so I’m just gonna say it. The fastest I ever got with a girl was five minutes after I met her….”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah your right that sounded horrible…. Man-whore.” You said teasing him.

“H-hey now…. No you’re right…. Anyways what I am trying to say is most girls I meet give themselves up within a few hours of meeting me… I’ve been with you almost the entire day and you’ve stopped every advance I have made on you, which is fine I’m enjoying this immensely. I have noticed you’re letting me push your boundaries further every time I make a move on you.”

“Y-yes I am letting you push my boundaries I’m starting to become comfortable with you…. I’m starting to trust you.”

“I feel special.” He smiled and tenderly kissed your lips. “I” He kissed you again. “Can't” and another kiss. “stop” and another. “kissing” yet another kiss. “you.” He kissed your lips five more times. “I just want to spend the whole night kissing and holding you.”

You snuggled into Gojo and looked at your phone. “Uh Satoru it’s almost 8 o'clock. Don’t we have dinner and a club to go out to?”

“Oh shit we do! I lost track of time looking at your beautiful face. Let’s go get ready! I hope you brought a dress because we are going out to a fancy restaurant.”

@sassyeahhhh @mguqiis @milktaro-inc

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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 4 years

Text

Rules:

1. Reblog this post (You don’t have to be following me to participate (but I’d appreciate it), I just would like this on your page 😊)

2. Send me an ask (not into my messages because they will get lost) with the name of the person you want to write for as well as the prompt you choose from below (Limit 2 people per prompt and 2 prompts per person) (First come, first serve by asks)

a. I’ll cross out prompts that are unavailable if people choose them, so always look for the most updated version of this post.b. If your writing account isn’t the one you’ve send an ask with, please include the name of your account at the end of the ask!

3. Use the hashtag #Riaswritingchallenge and tag me so I can see what you created! (make sure you use the correct tag because that will be how I am looking for posts)

a. I will reblog all the posts you write and if I don’t reblog within 3 days, send me an ask to make sure I see it

4. If it’s more than 1.5K (no word limit, go for it), add a keep reading option please so we don’t have pages and pages of pieces

a. If you can’t, that’s fine, I don’t think you can on the mobile

5. Don’t Stress and Have Fun! We aren’t comparing works to anyone; we’re just sharing what we wrote!

6. I’m not putting an end date on this challenge until I see activity! I’ll reblog with a date when I have one.

EDIT: So I’ve decided not to take requests for myself off this list and just leave these prompt to you guys, SO PLEASE DON’T SEND ME REQUESTS FROM THESE LISTS! CHOOSE ONES FOR YOU TO WRITE! 😊 Thank you!

Characters (Pick ANY character from a fandom):

The 100• Marvel• Harry Potter• Flash• Walking Dead• <- those are examples, choose what ever you’d like!

Prompts (specify which list in ask):

Fluff:

1. “Just hold me close and never let go.”

The One by @with1love1anu (Sirius Black x Reader)

2. “You may be good, but I’m better.”

@abysshaven (Draco Malfoy x reader)

3. “You know, I’d go through hell for you.” “Really?” “Yeah, or well, really hot weather.”

@abysshaven (Draco Malfoy x reader)

@fridasfantasy (Zuko x Reader)

4. “Well you’re fun.” “And you’re annoying.”

Sirius Black x Reader by @valiantartwritingweasel

Just my Type by @writeseasonally (Fred Weasley x Reader)

5. “You’re drunk.” “I’m not drunk.” “Then what are you?” “…I’m not dead, right?”

@nekoannie-chan (Brock Rumlow x Reader)

Truth under Moonlight by @approved-by-dentists (Sirius Black x Reader)

6. “You’re a lot more interesting in my head.”

Hoax by @seiraswriting (Hermione Granger x Reader)

7. “You just have to trust me.”

Proud of you by @fandomscombine (George Weasley x Reader)

8. “Time flies when you’re a prisoner.”

9. “You’re my home.”

Home by @capsheadquaters (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

10. “Thanks for not killing me.”

@wonderful-writer (Sirius Black x Reader)

11. “I’m going to choose to take pride in that.”

Freedom of Innocence by @summer-writes (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Gone by @moony-writes-stuff (George Weasley x Reader)

12. “You’re my second chance.”

@bad268 (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Second Chances by @shaynawrites23 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

13. “Take me by the hand and hold me tight.”

If it Hurts by @oingo233 (Daryl Dixon x reader)

14. “I’m proud of us.”

15. “Will you get off me?”

Snowscape by @kalimagik (Fred Weasley x Reader)

16. “I didn’t think it was possible, but I just fell more in love with you.”

@they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon (Remus Lupin x Reader)

I Love you by @theonly1outof-a-billion (Mob!Tom Holland x Reader)

17. “You are everything I dreamed of.”

@the-moon-and-the-book (Remus Lupin x Reader)

18. “Here, let me help you.”

@dreamer821 (Sirius Black x Reader)

19. “Can I have a kiss? Please?”

Can I kiss you? by @bad268 (Julian Albert x Reader)

20. “Your hand is so soft.”

Gentle Hands by @johnmurphyisbisexual (John Murphy x Reader)

21. “I’ve been thinking-“ “uh oh.”

A Beautiful Dream by @missmulti (Remus Lupin x Reader)

22. “But you love me anyways.”

@leah-ravenanne (James Potter x Reader)

Secret Admirer by @shaynawrites23 (Sirius Black x Reader)

23. “Want a back rub?”

24. “Can we cuddle?”

Gentle Hands by @johnmurphyisbisexual (John Murphy x Reader)

25. “You realize how insane you sound, right?”

Crazy for You by @writeroutoftime (Sirius Black x Reader)

@wonderful-writer (Sirius Black x Reader)

26. “Stop making that face. It’s too cute.”

Proud of you by @fandomscombine (George Weasley x Reader)

27. You are perfect for me.”

Party Revelations by @angelinathebook (Sirius Black x Reader)

28. “You’re so warm.”

Snowscape by @kalimagik (Fred Weasley x Reader)

29. “I love you more every day.”

30. “Where’s my morning kisses?”

31. “Wanna go for a walk?”

Comfort by @iliveiloveiwrite (Sirius Black x reader)

32. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

Comfort by @iliveiloveiwrite (Sirius Black x Reader)

33. “Stop stealing my food.”

34. “Wow, I almost forgot how beautiful you were.”

@hollands-weasley (Fred Weasley x Reader)

35. “There’s an open seat on my lap.”

Party Revelations by @angelinathebook (Sirius Black x Reader)

@stiles-o-dylan24 (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

36. “Please just look at me.”

@horsegirly99 (Remus Lupin x Reader)

37. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Star Crossed Lovers by @missmulti (James Sirius Potter x Reader)

@horsegirly99 (Remus Lupin x Reader)

38. “Netflix and cuddle?”

39. “I can count to ten.” “You can barely get to 3.”

40. “My best friend is an idiot. Awesome.”

Angst:

1. “Despite everything, I still care about you.”

Blind Love by @hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

2. “I should go…”

Never Leave Me Again by @with1love1anu (George Weasley x Reader)

@they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon (Remus Lupin x Reader)

3. “Joke’s on me, right?”

To Love and Be Used by @the-moon-and-the-book (James Potter x Reader)

4. “Break my heart, I’ll break your face.”

5. “Fuck you and your promises.”

Promises by @masterofthedarkness (Fred Weasley x Reader)

6. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? No? Me neither.”

7. “I’m not worth dying for.”

A Beautiful Dream by @missmulti (Remus Lupin x Reader)

8. “There’s still good in you.”

All for You by @blisfvll (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

9. “I thought you died.”

Home by @capsheadquaters (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

@screennamealreadyused (Jason Todd x Reader)

10. “Don’t touch me.”

@screennamealreadyused (Jason Todd x Reader)

11. “I’m fine.” *Passes out*

Can I kiss you? by @bad268 (Julian Albert x Reader)

@dreamer821 (Sirius Black x Reader)

12. “I was hoping you’d save us both.”

Never Leave Me Again by @with1love1anu (George Weasley x Reader)

13. “I’m invisible.”

14. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

To Love and Be Used by @the-moon-and-the-book (James Potter x Reader)

15. “You’re not you.”

16. “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? I’m not.”

@novellaquill (Barry Allen x reader, The originals crossover)

17. “Okay, fuck you.”

18. “You wanna play hero? Be my guest.”

Drama by @obsessedwithrandomthings (Remus Lupin x Reader)

19. “You’re an asshole.”

20. “I hope it was worth it.”

21. “Trust me, it could get a whole lot worse.”

22. “The only mistake I made was you.”

@acciomarauders (Regulus Black x Reader)

23. “Prove to me you’re different, then I’ll believe you.”

@stiles-o-dylan24 (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

24. “No one blames you.” “I do.”

All for you by @blisfvll (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

25. How come you’re still here?”

26. “This is when you stop talking.”

27. “How am I supposed to say goodbye to you?”

@novellaquill (Barry Allen x reader, The originals crossover)

28. “God, just let me fall apart.”

Gone by @moony-writes-stuff (George Weasley x Reader)

29. “Just let me die.”

John Murphy x Reader by @johnmurphyisbisexual

Duelled by @teheharrypotter (Sirius Black x Reader)

30. “You got to let go.”

Star Crossed Lovers by @missmulti (James Sirius Potter x Reader)

31. “Why can’t you look at me like you look at her?”

Fool’s Gold by @marauderswhisperer (James Potter x Reader)

32. “You don’t get to die today.”

If it Hurts by @oingo233 (Daryl Dixon x reader)

33. “I’m spiraling and I can’t make it stop.”

John Murphy x Reader by @johnmurphyisbisexual

34. “You’re never too broken to be fixed.”

She’s a Survivor by @eleven-times-lively (Remus Lupin x Reader)

35. “Fun? Is that all I am to you? Fun?”

36. “I would’ve given my life up for you, but now? Now I don’t even know you.”

@shatteredlovesick (Steve Rogers x reader)

37. “I haven’t been the same since you left me.”

Charm-ed by @nekoannie-chan (Steve Rogers x Reader)

38. “You were supposed to protect me.”

39. “You gave me the world, but it wasn’t enough.”

40. “Give me another chance to prove I am still in love with you.”

Smut:

(Sorry I couldn’t find or come up with more smut ones lol)

1. “Ruin me.”

2. “Lose the shirt.”

3. “You know we’re in public, right?”

4. “Be good.” “Or what, you’ll punish me?”

5. “I can’t wait to get you alone tonight.”

6. “Spread your legs for me.”

7. “Remember. You’re mine.”

8. “Stop the lip biting, you’re driving me crazy.”

9. “Tonight, you’re in control.”

10. “I’m not wearing anything under this.”

11. ��Try to stay quiet for me. Can you do that?”

Learned your Lesson by @johnmurphyisbisexual (John Murphy x Reader)

12. “Aw, is somebody jealous?”

13. “If you wanna fuck, just say the words.”

14. “I forgot how much I missed seeing you beneath me.”

@shatteredlovesick (Steve Rogers x Reader)

15. “Oh, fuck you!” “Your place or mine?”

16. “Was the sex really that good?”

17. “Like what you’re seeing?”

18. “On your knees.”

19. “Handcuffs? Sounds fun.”

20. “Touch yourself for me.”

Learned your Lesson by @johnmurphyisbisexual (John Murphy x Reader)

21. “Try not to ruin the sheets, I just cleaned them.”

22. “Why is your dick out?”

23. “Boobies!”

24. “I think the condom broke.”

Oh, baby by @grounderxbellamy (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

25. “Cute underwear.”

165 notes · View notes

thatsaltybobcat · 4 years

Text

Jealous Type part 3

Realized I never posted it here? Well, here you guys go!

~~~~

On any day, the lobby of the hotel was abuzz with conversation, it was where the small group spent most of their time. Whether it be Angel Dust flirting with Husk, or Nifty singing to herself as she relentlessly cleaned, there was always some form of communication. Today was no different. The lobby was abuzz with more than lively conversations.

There was screaming…

“I walked in on the two of you!” Vaggie hissed, pointing aggressively towards Charlie and Alastor, her shoulders trembling with rage and sorrow. Her hair was unkempt, certainly due to her several days away from the hotel. Her clothes were dirty and her breath was still tainted by the scent of alcohol. It was probably why she still had the courage to be where she was now, spear in hand, screaming her lungs out at the scandalous pair in front of her. “He had his hands-” Her mind was so frazzled with anger the argument she had planned in her head was nothing more than a jumbled mess of thoughts. ”... And YOUR HANDS WERE ON HIS BELT-”

“Vaggie, please!” Charlie choked out, trying to keep Vaggie from going into detail about what she exactly saw in the kitchen several days ago. Her hands up in a vain attempt to calm the demoness in front of her down. Glancing nervously over at Alastor, who just watched Vaggie with a smug grin on his face. Of course, he was enjoying this.

Charlie’s gaze flitted over to the bar, where Husk, Angel Dust, and Nifty sat quietly with half-filled drinks. They had all been sitting there beforehand, talking about where Vaggie must have gone, and how worried Charlie was. Everyone had gone quiet when Alastor feigned ignorance. Simply stating that she’ll be home soon.

No one dared recount that Vaggie had possibly seen Charlie and Alastor together, after all, they had no proof. By the time Angel Dust and burst into the kitchen with a polaroid camera in one of his hands, the pair had already started a new batch of cookies, dressed in their regular attire and looking wholly inconspicuous. So everyone just nervously shrugged off the interaction. So, when Vaggie then opened the door with a mumble, everyone stood up to meet her.

When Charlie went to pull Vaggie into a hug, gushing about how worried she had been, she almost accepted the embrace. Just hoping that maybe this could all be forgotten, that maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her and she really didn’t see the two of them together.

Then she saw the Radio Demon, bringing up the rear in the possé as they circled around her. That smile… that knowing cocky grin was enough proof. And, it set Vaggie off.

“Don’t touch me!” Vaggie spat, pushing Charlie away from her. Much to everyone’s surprise. It was enough to send the three bystanders backing up towards the bar, reading the room that- plainly speaking- shit was about to hit the fan. “I know,” Vaggie growled, glaring daggers at Charlie and Alastor, who were now standing side by side.

“You k-know?” Charlie asked in false ignorance, crossing her arms over her chest to hug herself as she attempted to play off the situation. “I’m sorry hun but… I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The obvious lying is mostly likely what finally pushed Vaggie over the edge. The nerve Charlie had to outright lie to her. That’s where they stood now, Vaggie continuing to shout profanities and accusations at the pair in front her. Unleashing all the rage and pent up frustration she’s had since she stormed out of the hotel several days ago.

Charlie’s face was red and tear-stained as she scrambled to find a way to say something… anything to make this situation better. But, there isn’t much to rectify a situation that was so raw… so public. It wasn’t something that could just be solved with a quick apology or some time to think about one another’s actions.

“Vaggie… I know that you’re upset, okay?” Charlie started slowly, intertwining her fingers together as she tried to put the words together very carefully. “If… Maybe we could just go upstairs, or maybe somewhere more private to have this conversation. Then maybe-”

“LAS TONTERIAS! W-we’re doing this right here! I’m not giving this talk-show shitlord a chance to weasel is way out of this! He did this just to get under my skin, I saw the way he smiled at me in the kitchen. He knew exactly what he was doing!” Vaggie accused, pointing directly at Alastor with a glare that would kill if it could. “He wanted me to catch you two, just so he could get a reaction!”

“Okay, Vaggie that’s absolutely ridiculous! W-why in hell would Alastor do something like that?” Charlie countered, looking over at Alastor in confusion. But, he only kept that same smile plastered on his face and remained silent, but Charlie could see the fang whirring of dials behind his eyes.

Alastor’s hands were tucked behind his back, standing perfectly still at he watched the moth demon in front of him rant and rave. It really was too entertaining, seeing her carry on like this. She lacked form and coherent thought, running on pure instincts at this point. Almost like a caged wild animal, frenzied by their capture and desperate for freedom. It made him… hungry. He’d have to go hunting tonight to try and satiate himself, he mentally noted. But for now, there was something very entertaining unraveling in front of him.

“Whatever! Y-you know what? It doesn’t matter! It really doesn’t! Because I know he’d do anything to hurt me because it’s fun for him. But you-” Vaggie choked on the word, fighting back tears with just more anger. Don’t cry, not over this, not over her. She’s doesn’t deserve to see you cry. Furiously wiping her face with a groan, she continued “You let him get to me. You cheated on me, with him!”

“Vaggie… I know that you’re upset. You have every right to be, but if we could just-” Charlie started, reaching out to try and comfort her girlfriend. But her hand was slapped away just inches from connecting with Vaggie’s shoulder, causing Charlie with flinch back.

“DON’T touch me!” Vaggie hissed, the coldness her tone catching everyone off guard.

Husk quietly hid behind the counter, toweling off a champagne flute, really making sure it was spotless. Nifty had shrunk back in her seat and was quietly following Husk’s lead, using a napkin to buff at a smudge on the countertop. Even Angel Dust- who would usually be asking for popcorn and a camera to record a conversation like this- had his arms crossed in front of him and silently tried to ignore the scene in front of him.

Charlie was starting to grow desperate, shoulders starting to tremble as she tried to keep the situation calm. “Hun, can we maybe just take this into another room-��

“You had sex with Alastor..” Vaggie growled, her hands balling into fists.

“Vaggie I don’t want to talk about in front of everyone-”

“You fucked the Radio Demon.”

“Please if you could just listen-”

“You FUCKED him in the kitchen, begging for dick like some horny fucking teenager! You didn’t even seem to care about what that might do to me! You were more concerned with getting laid than how I might feel!” Vaggie jabbed angrily, tears starting to well up.

“I’M SORRY!” Charlie sobbed, finally snapping and letting her emotions flood over. “I’m so s-sorry for what I did Vaggie! It was such a horrible thing for me to do to you and I’ll never forgive myself for it!” Charlie helplessly wiped her eyes as she fought to get the words out, trying desperately to get Vaggie to look at her as she continued to heave and cry. “I-it was a stupid accident and I’m sorry!”

“But that isn’t true… now is it, my dear?” Everyone turned to face Alastor when he finally spoke up. He started to circle around Charlie and Vaggie, watching the two of them closely as he did. Ah, the world truly was a stage!

“When something is an accident, it only happens once.” He stopped in front of the bar, fiddling with some random detailing on the hardwood. Husk took a step back to the other side of the bar, while Nifty stared down at her little hands to act like she wasn’t paying attention. Angel Dust looked at though he was watching a train crash, kinda scared but unable to look away. “And… Vaggie I can assure you… While it might ungentlemanly to admit...”

“It wasn’t the first… or last time.”

Sheer shock at his gall was the only thing that kept everyone in their place, Charlie looking absolutely mortified as Alastors smirk widened. Vaggie just stared at him, her face looking completely blank. Alastor wondered if the comment had broken the gray demoness, the notion only egging him to continue.

“And, you’re ‘sorry,’ my demon belle? Perish the thought!” The radio demon continued, walking back behind Charlie. Gently taking her hand in one of his own, another ever so carefully cupping her chin with his clawed fingertips. Tilting her face up so she was looking directly into his scarlet gaze. “You didn’t sound sorry last night.”

The next few seconds were all a blur, at least for Charlie, in one moment she was she beside Alastor, pulled close to him and still in his arms. In the very next, she was shoved back, flailing backwards and only saved from a date with the floor by Angel Dust, who managed to grab her arms and haul her back to her feet. “Woah there blondie, you okay?”

But Charlie wasn’t listening to him, she was watching Alastor and Vaggie. The moth demon and lunged forward towards him, having pushed Charlie out of the way so she could attempt to drive her spear right between Alastors eyes. Pure fury burned in her eyes as she was held steadfast by a firm grip on the blade of the spear.

Alastor’s fingers were wrapped around the weapon, holding it strongly enough for blood to well up around the contact points. He seemed unfazed by the shedding, however, unflinching and smiling unwavering as he watched Vaggie struggle to pull the spear from his grip. Either refusing to let it go.

“My my, such anger!” Alastor purred, his usually vibrant eyes quickly sinking back into pitch blackn. Only to be replaced with madly spinning dials that hissed violently against his head. That ever-present smile splitting wider across his face as static began to engulf the room. Distorting the air around them with a violent echo of screams and whirring machinery.

Only when the static got too loud for her to bear did Vaggie attempted to drop the spear, cutting her losses when her ears began to ring. Instead, the blood that had started to flow down the spear and melted into a trail of pure white static. Trickling down the staff of the weapon and reaching Vaggie’s fists. Where the fuzzy static had grabbed on and was now traveling up her arms. The dark power binding her hands to the weapon, effectively disabling her completely as matching static fronds snaked up her legs to hold them together.

“A valiant effort my dear, I must commend you for that.” Alastor continued, lifting up the spear like it was nothing as he dangled Vaggie from the air a good foot off the ground. “Such silly, ignorant courage. How foolish… how stupid.” The crackling words dripping past his fangs as we watched Vaggie start to squirm in his grip. Her gaze crazed combination of anger and fear.

Oh well, this was a lot of fun, to be sure. But, all good things must come to an end. And, Vaggie only seemed like a nuisance to him now, after all, he already won Charlie’s affections. And this little fiasco was already over now. Lifting his other hand up, claws elongating into terrifying sharp tips as the grin on his face looked like it was about to split the Radio Demon’s head in two. He pressed his fingers close to Vaggie’s exposed neck, relishing the frenzied profanities as she tried to kick his hand away from her. “And, you must know how much I abhor ignorance-”

“ALASTOR STOP!” Charlie screamed, grabbing at his arm and trying to tug his grip away from Vaggie. “You don’t have to do this, please put her down. It isn’t worth it!” She watched Alastor's unwavering malicious grin as his hand was now pressed against Vaggie’s throat, squeezing at her neck until she started to choke out a few desperate gasps in an attempt to catch her breath. Charlie’s blood-red eyes wide with panic as she managed to wedge herself between the two brawling demons. Pressing her hands against Alastor’s face as she tried to gain back his attention. “PLEASE my love!”

The term of endearment was enough to snap Alastor out of his spell. Like a switch, Alastor’s eyes snapped back to normal and the static quickly melted away. Dropping Vaggie like a hot rock with a chuckle as he turned to Charlie again.

Letting his hands press around her waist as he gave her a quick embrace. “But, of course, my dear.” He purred, his softening smile proving to Charlie that he had indeed calmed down. “Of course I was only trying to defend myself,” he added quickly as Charlie eased out of his grip and turned towards Vaggie.

Charlie dropped to Vaggie’s side to help her to her feet. “Vaggie, I’m so sorry. This all got so out of hand and-” But Vaggie wretched herself from Charlie’s grip with a grunt, rubbing furiously at her eyes as she turned away from Charlie.

Husk slowly peered his head out from behind the bar, ears perked as Angel Dust removed his arms from in front of his face, having attempted to shield himself from any incoming shrapnel of the fight. While Nifty remained behind the couch, muttering something about all the dust bunnies that had been trapped back here. But, it sounded like an excuse to not have to witness any more of the drama unfolding in front of her.

Alastor walked up quietly to stand beside Charlie, a hand on her shoulder as he watched Vaggie with a smug look of satisfaction. Charlie didn’t attempt to pull away, watching Vaggie as the demoness played that phrase back over and over in her head.

She called him ‘my love…’ that's why Charlie used to call Vaggie. When they first wake up in the morning, to when they went to bed at night. With that term ripped from her mind, it made this terribly clear for Vaggie. Because after all this arguing, she was more than aware that Charlie hadn’t once asked for forgiveness, nor for another chance. Charlie has made her decision about who she wanted to be by her side, and it wasn’t her.

“Have fun with the Radio Demon Charlie… I hope you know that he’s only ever in it for himself.” Vaggie hugged her arms with a shudder, ignoring Charlie’s attempt at anymore conversation as she walked back out the hotel's front doors.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel charlie #charlastor #chalastor #salty stories #alastor #charlie

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ayeateez · 5 years

Text

Distance Between Us - Choi San

YOUTUBER AU

WORD COUNT: 7166

GENRE: fluff <3

WARNINGS: fluff overload, cussing, my cringe writting

Who was Sanshine? And why did this username keep appearing in my comments? I just decided to brush it off and continue scrolling, but there were barely any comments about the video I had just posted, they all just said Sanshine.

I just decided to ignore it and continue with my night.

It was pretty late, around 22:24, but I still had a few things to do, like eat and shower, so I did just that before laying in bed. I checked the comments once more, but they weren’t any different. They all only said Sanshine. Who is Sanshine? I was so tired and just wanted to go to sleep, so I put my curiosity on hold until the next morning.

I woke up to my phone buzz buzzing like crazy. There were all messages from my friends and notifications from my social media’s. I opened up my messages and it was my friend spamming me with “Sanshine”.

Who the hell is Sanshine? Do I need to make a video about this? The fact that so many people are telling me about this “Sanshine” person, it’s probably something just to mess with me. I sighed and got out of bed to make myself look presentable before sitting in front of a camera.

I set up all my lighting, my seating and my camera and cleaned up at but before starting to record.

“Really, guys?” I sighed.

“Who the hell is Sanshine? What kind of sick joke is this? I’m not stupid, y’all are just trying to get on my nerves. You’ve even got my friends spamming me with “Sanshine” like, it’s literally so stupid, I don’t get it” I complained, throwing my hands in the air.

“Y’all know about my curiosity, and yeah is slowly killing me cause I haven’t looked it up yet, but come on, can you maybe not? It’s annoying, please don’t spam my social media and my comments and even my text messages or dms with this “Sanshine” thing like, it’s beyond stupid, thanks” I said and ended the clip.

My channel is actually a complete mess. It goes from gaming videos, to vlogs, to covers and its really just all over the place. I honestly just can’t stick to one topic, and yeah it’s annoying.

It checked my phone for the time, more messages from my friends that all say “Sanshine” and it was 11:02am. I was going to go shopping/vlogging with some of my friends, so maybe I should get ready so I don’t look like a total mess?

I started to wait on my couch once I was done, to hear the door bell ring or possibly someone trying to break down my door with their fists, either one could happen. It was sadly the second option.

I opened it to Peyton pounding her fist on the door and it almost hit me in the face.

“You bitch, you almost hit me in the face AND my camera” I laughed a bit, glad I decided to record me literally answering the door.

“Whatever. Are you Sanshine’s girlfriend yet?” Peyton wiggles her eyebrows.

“I don’t even know who that is” I scoffed and made my way to the car.

“Look him up, dumbass” Alexandra rolled her eyes.

“I’m not going to and there’s literally nothing you can do about it” I laughed while getting in the passenger side.

“Fine, we’ll tell you about him” Peyton huffed, getting in the back while Alexandra got in the front.

“No thanks, I don’t want to know about him” I chuckled before plugging my phone in.

“What do y’all wanna listen to?” I asked, looking at them.

“Literally stop asking us, BTS” Peyton rolled her eyes.

“Keep it up with that attitude and I’ll reach back there and slap you” I threatened, maybe not so playfully while turning on a playlist full of BTS.

“Ok so his name is-“ I cut her off by turning it up louder.

“HE IS IN BUSAN RIGHT NOW, IF WE RUN INTO HIM AND FANS IT IS GOING TO BE A HELLHOLE” Peyton practically screamed over the music. All I did was put up the okay sign.

We arrived to the place we were going to be walking around at around 20 minutes after, and they haven’t tried to mention this Sanshine dude once since, and it’s making me nervous. Something isn’t right, they’re secretly planning something and I know it, but I just don’t know what.

We walked around, I filmed a bit, took some pictures with fans. I even decided to talk to some fans that came up to us while we were eating near the water fountain.

“So, have you contacted Sanshine, yet?” A fan asked and I rolled my eyes.

“What is this Sanshine thing? Who is he? I keep getting people saying Sanshine to me, but I don’t know who he is nor do I have a desire to” I laughed a bit while playing with my straw. The couple of fans pouted.

“You should really look into him, please. He made a whole video about you-“

“That’s enough, she can look up the rest herself if she wants to” one of the fans friends covered her mouth from saying any more.

“He made a whole video about me? Without even knowing me? What?” I asked, now more intrigued.

“Oh my god, there he is. We have to go, bye y/n, it was nice meeting you!” The group yelled while waving, as they sprinted away.

“There’s who? What? He made a video about me? I have literally have made nothing controversial, ever. What is-“

“It’s not a controversial video, WE LITERALLY CAME TO YOUR DOOR AND ASKED IF YALL WERE DATING YET” Peyton said, raising her voice towards the end, grabbing peoples attention.

“Dude, shut up” I whisper shouted at her.

“We’re not telling you any more, if you want to know more go look him up yourself” Alexandra rolled her eyes and continued to drink her drink. I scoffed before sitting back. I scanned around the area until I laid my eyes upon a breathtakingly handsome boy. Shit, his jawline could cut, his hair looks so fluffy, I want to touch it. OH SHIT HE JUST SMILED HIS DIMPLES OH MY GOD-

I need to calm down.

“Y/n? You ok? You good?” Alexandra snapped her fingers in front of my face. I gulped.

“Y-Yeah, I-I’m fine” I stuttered, shaking my head to snap out of my thoughts.

“You’re blushing, where’d the handsome dude you saw now?” Alexandra laughed, and I covered my face.

“Shut up. We need to leave, now” I said before standing up and dragged them away from the area.

“Why do we even take you out anymore?” Peyton sighed, it was more of a sarcastic way.

“Literally, if you think he’s hot go ask him out!” Alexandra yelled once we had gotten away from that area. I shook my head.

“Well, what did he look like at least, so if we see him again we can get his number for you?” Peyton asked.

“He was cute-“

“No shit” Alexandra rolled her eyes.

“Fine. He has a really sharp jawline, blonde fluffy hair, his smile is fucking adorable, not to mention dimples and oh my god I might hyperventilate” I described him and they looked at each other wide eyed.

“What?” I asked.

“Shit, you’re in love” Peyton smirked and I playfully hit her arm.

“No, he’s just cute. He could be a dumbass for all I know” I rolled my eyes and we continued walking and weaving between stores.

I saw the dude once more, and we made eye contact. I immediately ran from the area, Peyton and Alexandra following far behind.

“Literally, stop running from every cute guy you see!” Peyton shouted, making heads turn our way. She knows how to embarrass people.

“Shut up!” I whispered at her. She just laughed. I looked around and saw a group of people pushing the handsome guy towards me.

“G-guys...he’s coming towards us..meet you back at the car” I said quickly before sprinting my way back to the parking lot and jumping inside the car, which they had stupidly left unlocked.

They joined me a few minutes later, panting from the running they had to do.

“We scared everybody off” Alexandra laughed. I nodded a ‘good job’ to them. She proceeded to start the car and drive back to my house, where I didn’t know what we’d do there.

It was late and today’s vlog has just been uploaded, starting with the Sanshine message I filmed earlier. I scrolled through my Instagram, and this Sanshine guy was even in my recommended to follow. I couldn’t see what he looked like, his profile picture was a sun with a smiley face.

I rolled my eyes and checked the comments that were just now pouring in. Only a few of them said Sanshine, and some of them were apologizing. I laughed lightly and shook my head before putting my phone away.

It was around 21:09, it was still pretty early, for me at least. There are nights where I stay up until ungodly hours editing, it’s most nights. I don’t have anything to do, besides eat and shower. There was no point in checking my comments, it’s all the same thing.

One thing lingered in my mind, though. Who is Sanshine? My curiosity has slowly been eating away at me, and I don’t know how much more I can take. I looked at my computer, debating whether I grab it and look him up.

Before I can register everything, my fingers are typing away and scrolling on YouTube. He must be a YouTuber, those fans said he made a video, right?

I press the search button and his channel pops up. 3.4 Mil, not bad. I scrolled through his channel until I saw a video titled ‘confession’. It had my channel name in the thumbnail.

I clicked on it. It was the same guy from earlier. Oh my god, he was Sanshine. H-He likes me?

I watched more of the video, and it was basically about him confessing he has a crush on me, without even knowing me.

“I-I know it’s stupid... but I’ve been accused so many times of hating y/n or having something against them but, I-I don’t want you guys to think that anymore. Please don’t spam her comments or DMs or messages with anything about this, if she decides to.-”

I paused the video. I mean, it’s true that you can fall for someone online, I’m as real as can be on YouTube, if you fell in love with me through my videos, I’m not any different in real life.

I shut my computer and tried to take my mind off of him. I made myself some good, ate, showered and tried to sleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Something about this Sanshine guy drew me in, though I eventually passed out with the image of him in my head.

I woke up to light pouring into my room, right through my curtains. How late is it? I rolled over to look at my phone. Oh shit it’s-

“Y/N ITS LITERALLY 13:07 WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL IN BED?!” Peyton bursted through my door and yelled.

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!” I yelled back.

“We can talk about that later, get out of bed so we can go” Alexandra laughed nervously.

“Are you telling me I look like shit and that I have bad security?”

“Yes”

I got out of bed and pushed them out of my room so I could get ready. I grabbed my camera, making sure I had charged it, grabbed my backpack, phone and ran out to their car to meet them.

“So where are we going?” I asked, and started to film my first clip of the day.

“So um, yesterday Peyton kinda broke her left shoe..” Alexandra trailed off.

“Fine, I’ll buy you new shoes” I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“Huh? Oh no, I can pay for them myself, it’s just we wanted to drag you along. Also Sanshine-“

“Yes, I looked him up last night” I sighed and they both burst out laughing.

“Oh my god, yesterday, you literally called him hot and cute like 6 times” Peyton laughed.

“Okay, first of all it was 2 times, second of all he is and I’m just telling the truth” I rolled my eyes. Peyton scoffed and rolled her eyes before Alexandra turned up the music to stop an argument from possibly breaking out.

We arrived at a different place from yesterday and got out. Wanna know who I saw?

Sanshine.

I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. I felt bad about what I had uploaded yesterday, I kinda wish I had done my research before I posted the video, but guess who’s dumb? Spoiler: it’s me.

We made eye contact, but this time I didn’t instantly turn away. I looked for a few seconds before turning back to my friends, who were trying to pick out a new pair of shoes for Peyton.

“I kinda like these, do you think they’ll have them in my size?” Peyton asked, while turning around to show me a pair of shoes.

“Probably. 9 times out of 10 they’ll have your size. Go ask” I shrugged, shoving my hands into my pocket.

“What video are you gonna post today?” Alexandra asked while Peyton asked the staff for a pair to try on.

“Probably half vlog half gaming. I’d ask Peyton if she wanted to play with me cause I was planning on playing some overwatch, but we both main d.va therefore we’d be fighting on who gets to play as her literally every single round” I laughed a bit.

The rest of the day went smoothly, we only hung out until about 5:30, and they had to go back to their shared apartment.

I was filming some gameplay before I got a notification from my phone. I went to check it only to see a notification saying someone requested to DM me on Instagram, I never get these kinds of notifications unless they’re from a verified account.

“I’ll be right back after this round give me a moment” I said before leaving the game and stopped my filming.

Confused, I unlocked my phone and went to my requests and- oh god. Sanshine DMed me.

Sanshine: Hey y/n, it’s kinda weird for me to drop by like this but I just wanna say I’m sorry for the things that have happened the past few days. I didn’t mean for it to go like this and I just wanted to be honest with my fans. I’m truly sorry.

I laughed a bit while reading his messages. As if people constantly saying “Sanshine” to me actually affected me one bit. That’s funny.

Me: It’s alright.

I kinda feel like a dick for giving him such a short response, but I’ll probably send him another message later. For now, I need to finish this video.

As I snuggled under my covers, I suddenly remember to text Sanshine back. I checked our DMs, and he read my message.

Me: Hey sorry, I was busy earlier and couldn’t give a real response. But it’s really okay, I try my best to stay true to my fans too and sometimes, as much as we try, there are somethings we can’t control, and at the end of the day, we’re all humans who can make their own choices, whether they are wise or not. Ps you’re cute ;)

I added the thing at the end, probably just to excite him. I don’t want to lead him on or anything, but I don’t want to like, leave him, you know? I think we could be friends, and if feelings develop, probably more. I shut my phone off and laid back down, thinking about him... I couldn’t be catching feelings, could I? I only know what he looks like and that he’s sorry for people constantly spamming me with Sanshine. Hell, I don’t even know his name. He’s cute and sorry, that’s all I know...

I opened my eyes the next morning, still wanting to sleep, but was that going to happen? No. I checked my phone and it was 09:34am. I looked at all my social media’s, and it looked like the Sanshine stuff wasn’t going to be clearing up anytime soon.

I got out of bed and started to get ready for the day. I wasn’t going to be doing anything particularly interesting today, so I’d probably just post a cover or a gaming video, probably a livestream though. I checked my Instagram DMs to see if Sanshine responded to my message, and sure as shit he did.

Sanshine: O-oh..okay well thanks heh. Let me know if you ever wanna hang out sometime then.

Aww, he stutters over text, how cute. I smiled to myself before shutting off my phone and going to get dressed and whatnot.

After that, I made some breakfast to eat, just eggs and toast, nothing special. As I was eating, I was wondering what I should do today. I could go out again, why? I don’t know. I could play more video games, I could buy a new game and livestream? I could stalk Sanshine, I don’t know but there are plenty of options. Then an idea sparked in my head.

People ship Sanshine and I. Ships always come with fan fiction. That.. that’s it. That’s exactly was I was going to do today. My smile grew as I started to set up to film this video. I went onto the most popular site for fan fiction, wattpad, and typed in my name x Sanshine. Sure enough, lots of stories came up. I debated whether to ask Alexandra and Peyton if they wanted to come over, but decided not to. I pressed start on the film button.

“Hey guys! How are y’all doing today? My day has been... boring honestly. I ate and that’s about it. As I was wandering around my house, thinking about what I should do for today’s video, a great idea popped into my head!” I started, a small smile forming on my face.

“I thought, hm, people ship this Sanshine dude and I, ships always come with fan fiction, why not read some?” I smiled at the camera, knowing I had cause some of my fans who were going to watch this pain.

“So I went onto a popular site called wattpad, and well, typed up my name x Sanshine and well, a lot of results came up. You guys are quick” I laughed.

“So I’ve decided to read this one book called y/n x Sanshine one shots. I had no clue what a one shot was, so I looked it up on urban dictionary, and apparently it’s like a short fan fiction, so we’re just going to be reading a book full of those” I explained before clicking on the story(s) that I was about to read.

“This is what happens when you aren’t creative and have shitty content” I sighed.

“Okay lets get started”

“It was a bright, sunny day and y/n and San, wait his real name is San? Like, mountain? Give me a moment” I said before bursting into laughter off camera. About 3 minutes later I regained my senses and wiped my tears before sitting back down.

“Sorry. I have no clue why that was so funny to me, I feel so bad” I chuckled before continuing to read the rest.

About half way through the 3rd one, things started to get a little... hot.

“Oh. Um. Oh my g o d. Will I get demonetized if I keep reading this?” I asked myself.

“San slowly took off y/n’s shirt while kissing her- yeah no I think that’s enough” I laughed awkwardly before slamming my computer shut. I looked directly into the camera before situating myself.

“Anyways, um, that’s the video. I’m scarred, so if that was your guys goal, good job you have succeeded. If you desperately want me to read more fan fiction, y’all better get me to 800k likes cause that was hell” I chuckled.

“Bye” I waved before turning off the camera. I sat down at my desk, opened my computer and proceeded to edit and post the video.

Sooner or later, my phone buzzed. Another DM from Sanshine.

Sanshine: Hey, haha. Sorry to bother but can I steal your video idea? You know, the reading fan fiction one?

Me: Sure. If you’re still in Busan we can film together if you want.

Sanshine: Damn, I just got back to Seoul a couple hours ago. Maybe next time?

Me: Sure.

I smiled and turned off my phone. This kid... why does he have my heart feeling this way? I noticed he had always been following me on Instagram, so why not follow him back? Fans were probably going to explode but oh well. As soon as I pressed the follow button, literally 3 seconds later everything in my tagged said I followed Sanshine. It made me wonder how many people were actually keeping track of San and I.

I laid back on my couch, turning on the tv for some background noise. It was around 15:06 already, I still had hours to kill. Peyton and Alexandra were bugging me on why I didn’t invite them to read fan fiction with me. I just texted them to shut the fuck up.

•

A few days pass, and San has kinda caught my interest. I’ve been watching his videos lately, and he’s funny and entertaining. I had subbed to him recently, and my socials have blown up. I haven’t talked to him since the fan fiction thingy, but it’s fine I guess. His dimples are so cute, it actually makes me melt though. I think I have a thing for dimples, my friends call it a kink but I don’t think that’s possible. A kink for dimples? Just listen to how weird that sounds!

As on cue, an Instagram DM notification pops up on my phone. San. Of course. I find myself smiling while reading his message.

Sanshine: Hey. I hope it’s not too weird for me to be messaging you like this, haha. Just want to know how you’ve been :)

Me: Oh, hey. I’ve been good. Maybe it’s a bit weird, but I don’t mind messages from you! How have you been?

Sanshine: Oh, thanks. I’ve been doing well. I just kinda maybe.. wanted to know if you’d like to be friends or something?

Me: What’s the or something? ;)

Sanshine: You’ll find that out soon ;))

I silently cringed at the winky faces, but the conversation continued for hours upon hours until he had to leave. I soon found myself smiling and blushing while reading through our past messages. We had swapped phone numbers half way through, for better communication I guess.

The shipping material hasn’t died down at all, though. In fact, now people think we’re secretly dating and it’s all the drama that’s going on. I shut my phone off and plugged it in beside my bed so it could charge. I fell asleep happily that night, thinking about the long conversation we had. Ew, that was cheesy, but you get what I mean. I hope.

I woke up the next morning and rolled over to check my phone, only to see a text from San.

San: Good morning, I hope you slept well and I hope you have a wonderful day! Don’t forget to eat and drink lots of water!💞

Oh my god. He sent me a good morning text. Tell me he isn’t boyfriend material oh my god and he put hearts too, I’m going to scream. Then I scrolled down to Peyton and Alexandra spam texting our group chat, asking if I wanted to go out today. I have nothing else better to do, so why not? They said they would pick me up around noon, so I had around an hour to eat and get ready.

•

I got into the backseat of their car, my camera out.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“How’s you and Sanshine?” Peyton turned around and smirked. As much as I wanted my smile to drop, it only grew bigger. Peyton started squealing, which turned into a scream, which turned into a shriek.

“T-THAT MEANS THERES SOMETHING GOING ON!!! TELL US!!” Peyton screamed and Alexandra hit her lightly for Peyton to calm down. I turned off my camera.

“We’ve just been talking. That’s all” I shrugged.

“No, y’all have been flirting!!” Peyton yelled again.

“Maybe-“ I was cut off by Peyton’s screaming.

“Calm down!” Alexandra yelled. I leaned back in my seat after giving a few details and buckled up, turning the camera back on.

“So, where are we going?” I asked curiously.

“To fucking Seoul” Peyton joked.

“I don’t mind” I shrugged.

“Of course you don’t, your god damn boyfriend lives there!”

“He’s not my boyfriend, dipshit!”

“Mhm”

I rolled my eyes before they turned on some music. You guessed it - BTS.

•

We arrived an outdoor mall, basically. It was small and not commonly known around here, therefore it was a nice, easy place to walk around in.

“So what are you guys planning on doing?” I asked as we walked around.

“Just this. Maybe buying a few things. Doesn’t matter, really” Peyton shrugged as she skipped around, leaving Alexandra and I to follow her in a fast walk.

I sat in the changing room, bored out of my mind as the other 2 went to go try on some clothes. There were a lot, and they’re slow, so it’ll be awhile. My phone dinged, only to see a text from San. I smiled and unlocked my phone.

San: Hey. What are you doing right now?

Me: Oh, hi. I’m at the mall with Peyton and Alexandra. They’re trying on clothes so I’m stuck in the waiting area, haha. What about you?

San: That sucks lmao. I’ll entertain you. I’m not really doing anything, my dorm mates abandoned me.

Me: All 7 of them?

San: Yep. All 7. They’re just out doing their own things, some of them are probably at a mall like you while the others went out to eat or something

Me: Aw, well I’d never leave you

San: Even if you tried, you couldn’t ;)

I let out a small yelp as I felt someone touch my shoulder.

“Who are you texting?” Peyton smirked.

“I-uh no one” I stuttered as I struggled to slip my phone back into my pocket. Alexandra and Peyton looked at each other other suspiciously.

“Mhm. Alright, let’s go we’re paying then getting some food” Alexandra tugged on my arm to the cashier where they payed for their stuff. They then dragged me to a nearby café that was in the mall.

We sat down at a table after ordering our food. As the other 2 engaged in a conversation, I got back on my phone under the table.

San: Y/n??

San: Hello? Did I scare you away?

San: I’m sorry

Me: Nonono, sorry haha. My friends dragged me away to go pay and whatnot. We’re in a café right now. That was my fault, heh

San: Oh, no worries. I was just scared that I had finally scared you off lol

Me: Scare me off? Never

San: Never?? You wanna hear my pick-up lines?

Me: Sure ;)

San: Alright

San: Did it hurt?

Me: When I fell from heaven..?

San: No when you fell from the vending machine

Me: What the fuck San

San: Cause you a snack ;)

San: Hello?

San: Uh oh

Me: I feel attacked

San: Not a-snacked?

Me: lmao pls stop

San: Never ;)

Me: Lol I’m leaving bye

San: Wait no come back please

I shut my phone off to see Peyton and Alexandra smirking at me. They had somehow grabbed my camera without me noticing and were now filming me.

“So, y/n, who were you texting?” Peyton said, smirk growing.

“Uh...” I was at loss for words.

“Who? Tell us! You want to be real, right?” Peyton pushed it further.

“S-San...” I gulped before hiding my face.

“What about?” Alexandra asked.

“Uhh... j-just entertaining each other..” I stuttered. Right at the perfect moment, someone came to the table with our food. We thanked them before I stuffed my mouth with food so I wouldn’t have to answer questions. I chewed slowly, snatching my camera back and stopped recording.

“Guys, why? I don’t think people should know about San and I talking and getting to know each other. It can be blown way out of proportion and people would go absolutely crazy” I explained and they gave me the :o face, as if they just really really understood why. I shook my head and continued eating.

They dropped me back off at my house, and I showered and changed, before starting to edit my video. My phone buzzed, and it was a text from San.

San: Hey

Me: Hii

San: Wanna FaceTime?

Me: Sure

This was the first time San had asked to FaceTime, so I was a bit nervous and excited. As much as I’ll try to deny it in the future, I’m catching feelings.

My phone screen suddenly changed to my reflection as it showed San was calling. I hit accept and only showed my eyes. It connected and he showed his full face, his smiling growing so his dimples were showing.

“Hey, why aren’t you showing your beautiful face?” He smiled and I slowly showed my bare face, glasses and everything.

“There she is” San’s smile grew wider, somehow.

“So, what are you doing right now?” He asked, propping up his phone so he wouldn’t have to hold it as he rested his chin on his palms.

“Oh, nothing. Just editing today’s video, you know?” I said with a small awkward laugh.

“That doesn’t sound like nothing. I still don’t know how people do it, post videos everyday? That seems impossible for me” he chuckled.

“Well that’s cause you have no friends. Friends that hang out with you, anyways” I shrugged and he pretended to look offended.

“That hurts my feelings, how dare you” he scoffed and pretended to cry, making me laugh.

The call lasted for hours, and I probably would’ve forgotten to post the video of he didn’t remind me. His roommates came back around an hour and a half into the call. They bugged him and annoyed San every once in awhile. I just laughed at all his attempts to shoo away his roommate, Mingi and another guy named Wooyoung.

•

Months passed into the winter, and San and I still talked as often as possible. We flirted shamelessly over text basically every second we talked. There were no labels, until one day I was out with - you guessed it, Peyton and Alexandra, shopping for Christmas. My phone buzzed, only for it to be San. Who else would it be?

San: Hey wanna be my girlfriend?

Me: Sure

San: Holy shit that was easy

I laughed at San’s shock over text, and suddenly, my phone screen lit up only for him to be calling me.

“Hello?” I said with a small laugh.

“You’re serious, right? Like, you aren’t fucking with me for shits and giggles?” San asked, voice full of shock.

“Nope, 100% serious” I laughed.

“Oh my god ohmygodohmygod” he squealed and I laughed even harder at his excitement.

“HAHAHA FUCKERS I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND NOW!!” I heard San scream out his door before shutting it.

“I’m glad you’re excited, but maybe can I call back later? I’m kinda out and about right now, and in public isn’t the perfect time to be calling-“

“Of course! Call me as soon as possible!” San said cheerfully.

“Okay, well bye Sannie”

“Bye Y/n-ie!” He sang into the phone before I hung up. After a few seconds, it washed over me that I’m now dating Choi San. Over the internet.

“Why are you stuck? Come on!!” Alexandra yelled and dragged me to another store. The amount of money I’ve spent today is quite something. I don’t like to use my money, or a lot of it at once, at least.

After a few more stores and a few more hours, we had finally left the mall and Peyton and Alexandra took me back home, as I carried in all the bags in one trip.

After putting away my things, I decided to do live stream on Instagram. As soon as I pressed start, there were already thousands of viewers. I started to read off random comments I saw.

“Y/n do you still remember Sanshine? Yes, in fact, I do. We talked for a bit after people started bugging me” I chuckled, hoping it seemed real.

“Did you know that he has a girlfriend now? Or supposedly does? Sanshine has a girlfriend? Hm, interesting” I shrugged.

“Yeah, he met her over the Internet. She lives in Busan like you. He exposed himself when one of the people he lives with in his dorm was doing a gaming live stream, and Sanshine shouted “hahaha fuckers I have a girlfriend now”. In fact it was earlier today” I read out. Oh shit, people caught on quick.

“I’m happy for him” I shrugged it off and continued reading more comments. Then San texted me.

“Why do you have time to do a livestream but not time to call me back?” I read out loud.

“Oh shit, I forgot to call someone back. If you’re watching this, I’ll call you right after” I smiled awkwardly before continuing my live.

It ended about 45 minutes later, and as soon as I ended it I called San.

“You hurt me” I could hear San pout over the phone.

“Well, I could’ve not called you back in general-“

“You said once you were home”

“I said as soon as possible” I rolled my eyes. He tried to hold back a laugh before he started cracking up on the other end.

We stayed on call for awhile, we ate dinner on the phone together and whatnot. Our calls always last for an average of 3-5 hours, sometimes more, sometimes less.

As I was laying down in bed, my phone resting on my nightstand, we were just talking.

“I wish we could see each other for Christmas” he sighed.

“Me too”

“I wish I could go to Busan, but I can’t”

“Why not?” I asked curiously.

“Because of stupid reasons. Also cause my dorm mates said they’ll kick me out if I spend another Christmas away from them that isn’t with my family” he sighed again.

“They wouldn’t”

“They would”

“You could come live with me” I suggested. He paused for a moment.

“Hm, maybe” he shrugged.

“What? Am I that scary?” I laughed and he looked offended.

“No! You’re softer than a pillow and marshmallows!!” He shot back, which made me laugh harder. Rolling my eyes, we continued to talk through the night, not even realizing the time until somebody called him out for it.

“San, will you shut up already? You guys have talked all night! It’s already 9!” Mingi yelled from his bed. We both checked the time, and you bet, it was 9 o’clock. My phone battery wasn’t low, due to it being on a charger but damn was my phone hot.

I quickly checked to see how long we’ve been on call for, and shit it’s been 15 hours... 15 hours of nonstop talking.

“Shit, I might just sleep through the day” he chuckled.

“Ah, me too but I don’t want to leave you..” I sighed.

“Come over” he said, and I had no clue on whether he was joking.

“Wait, are you serious?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ll wait for you. Give me a time and I can pick you up” he said and I could actually hear him smiling. How do you hear someone smile, I don’t know.

“Okay.. let me look at train tickets” I said, getting out of bed and getting onto my computer. I looked at the train tickets for the quickest trip from Busan to Seoul.

“The quickest I can find leaves at 11:30 and takes 3 hours and 11 minutes” I read out to him.

“Good. Pack a lot, you’ll be staying here. Don’t worry, if you run out of clothes you can wear mine” he said, possibly winking. It was easy to predict his actions now, knowing him so well.

“Alright then... see you in 5 hours I guess” I said with a small laugh.

“BOYS WE HAVE 5 HOURS TO CLEAN UP THE DORM MOVE YOUR ASSES” San screamed.

“Okay, yeah see you. I can’t wait! Bye!” He squealed before hanging up the phone. I rolled my eyes and went to hop in the shower. I had just done my laundry, so everything was all nice and clean.

After taking a quick shower, I quickly packed everything I needed. Hygienic things, clothes, chargers, laptop, but I don’t think I’ll need a guitar yet. Plus, he once said one of his dorm mates plays the guitar too, so we’ll see.

I started my vlog, nothing too exciting, just saying that I was going to Seoul for a little bit. I managed to get Alexandra to give me a ride to the train station, not Peyton cause she’s scream the entire time. Alexandra is a bit more on the calm side.

I was around 10 minutes early, and I sat on a bench, waiting for my train to come. A few fans came up to me and ask me for pictures, and it probably looked like I was dead inside or something cause I was so tired. I had truly stayed up all night calling San.

As soon as I got onto the train, I sat down and relaxed, sticking my earbuds into my ears, and fell asleep hugging my luggage so no one could steal it.

I woke up to the announcement that we had arrived, and it was around 14:45. I texted San that I had just arrived, and he said he got stuck cleaning the last bits of the dorm so one of his dorm mates, Seonghwa, would come get me. I’ve talked with Seonghwa quite a bit, he’s nice. He likes to steal San’s phone when San goes to the bathroom and talk to me.

I see a familiar face walking up to me, and I started making my way to him, as we smiled tiredly at each other.

“Hey, y/n. So nice to meet you in person, now!” Seonghwa greeted me.

“Hi. You too” I smiled back.

“Are you hungry or anything?” He asked and I shook my head. He led me to his car and we talked the entire way back to the dorm. I was so close to seeing San again.

“Y’know, San has had a crush on you for the longest time. Now that you guys are dating, he keeps telling us it’s a dream come true” Seonghwa exposed San, making me burst into laughter.

“Oh really? A dream come true, huh?” I repeated and he nodded. We eventually made it to the dorms they lived in, and he took me up to their dorm.

“This is it. Ready to meet your boyfriend?” Seonghwa asked.

“That sounded weird, but yes, yes I am” I smiled. He unlocked the door and opened it, and in sat 6 boys, legs all crossed, sitting up straight and pretending to be all fancy. I looked at them for 3 seconds, looked back at Seonghwa, and then we burst into laughter.

“You guys know how to make a first impression” I laughed as they now all came to the door and greeted me. I greeted them back, slipping off my shoes.

“San’s in his room, tired as hell and dying of nervousness” Hongjoong told me. I thought for a bit before deciding to see if I could scare him, but that’s maybe not a good idea.

I carefully knocked on the door and I heard a small “come in!” and I peaked through the door, only to see San pacing back and forth. I walked in and shut the door.

“Not gonna greet your girlfriend?” I asked and his head snapped towards me. He ran the steps he could and pounced on me, almost knocking me over.

“Y/n!!!” He shouted. I smiled and hugged him back.

“Hi Sannie” I giggled and he only hugged me tighter.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” He said, pulling back to look at my face.

“Me too..” I said and he kissed my nose. I blushed, hiding my face into his shoulder as his arms slid around my waist.

“Are you tired? Hungry? Thirsty?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Just a bit tired, had a power nap on the train. Wasn’t a good one, but it’ll do” I snuggled into him more.

“Then let’s sleep!” He announced, helping me, somehow, undress of me of my dirty train clothes and slipping on new ones, by that I mean one of his shirts, even though I brought a lot of my clothes. Maybe it was moving a bit too fast, but who cares? All I wanted to do was be in San’s arms.

He let me under the covers first before getting in himself, arms sliding around me as he held me close to him.

“Hmm, I’ve wanted to hold you like this for a long time...” he sighed blissfully.

“Have you?” I asked, fingers brushing over his adorable neck freckles.

“Mmhm” he said with a slight nod, and you chuckled.

“Just think, it’s almost been a year since you’ve posted that video. When did you post that? March?”

“Yeah, March. I’ve liked you for longer, though” he shrugged.

“Scientists say when you like someone for more than 6 months, you’ve fallen in love with them” I stated a fact I learned awhile back.

“So does this mean I can officially say I’ve fallen in love with you, then?” He asked with a small laugh.

“If you want. That means I can say the same, too” I smiled, hiding myself.

“Oh?” He asked playfully.

“Am I that irresistible?” He teased and I playfully hit his chest.

“Stop” I whined.

“Never” He laughed back, pressing a small kiss to my forehead.

“I’m so glad you here..” He mumbled into my hair.

“Me too. I’m glad we finally closed the distance between us…” I said into his chest. It was silent then, as we just held each other, waves of sleep taking over us.

138 notes · View notes

advice-n-help-queen · 4 years

Text

How to TRULY move on...

“This is a long post but I have to get it out because it’s been killing me.

Me and my ex had been close friends for almost 3 and a half years. We met our senior year and from that moment on I had a huge crush on him. It wasn’t until the summer before our sophomore year of college that I admitted I had feelings for him. To my surprise he felt the same way. He was bi but that didn’t bother me. We weren’t official till school started but I assumed we were exclusive because of how he felt about me. Two weeks before classes started he told me he had to admit something. While I was away house sitting he had a short fling with a girl from his work. He made out and sent nudes back and forth with her. I was devastated. During his fling he’d visited and acted like everything was ok. It took me till school started to even speak to him. I knew I should have ended things right there but I was a stupid 19 year old girl who finally had a guy who liked me. I told him as long as he cut all contact with the girl I’d forgive him. He said he did so I did. For the next months we were happy. I even told him I thought I was falling in love with him and he said he felt that way too. It wasn’t until November came that I felt the change. He became distant and would leave me on read. I chalked it up to midterm stress. After a week of barely talking or even seeing each other I confronted him. I told him I didn’t understand what was going. He told me it was nothing and led me to think I was over reacting. By Thanksgiving I’d had enough. When we were on the phone I told him I wanted the truth or I was breaking up with him. He again told me I was overreacting and nothing was going on, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be with someone who cared about me and didn’t gaslight me. I told him I was done and if he couldn’t be honest with me I couldn’t stay around. He didn’t try to stop me or even say anything. I hung up in tears and cried myself to sleep. A few days later he posted a very intimate photo with a male friend of his. My heart broke. The entire time we were in a relationship he was cheating on me with him. The fact that it was a guy didn’t bother me it was the cheating. I didn’t care what gender the other person was all I cared was that he cheated on me. Word spread fast through our friend group that he left me for a guy. They talked about how he only dated me because I wasn’t girly and I was basically a guy with boobs. I avoided all of them for the rest of the semester. I went to class and went home. My depression got worse and I thought very little of myself. Over break I took a lot of time to myself and worked on liking myself again. When school started again my ex wanted to talk. He said him and the guy broke up and he really wanted to be friends again. I told him I couldn’t, he broke my heart and destroyed my self esteem. But he didn’t understand. I walked away and haven’t spoken to him since.

People say I need to forgive and forget. But I can’t. I need advice on how to move on and pursue other relationships and not feel like with everyone it will end like this.”

I’ve been absolutely ITCHING to respond to this. I’m sorry in advance for how long this is going to be lol, but I have a LOT to say.

First, I’d like to say that I appreciate how difficult this has all been for you, especially considering how long he has been in your life. But the quicker the grieving process begins the better and easier it will be for you in the long run. You’re going to cause yourself more hurt by holding onto the past and the memories. He’s shown you who he really is and what he’s really like. Believe him. Don’t make excuses for him. The longer someone has been in our lives, the more inclined we feel to hold onto them and not let go. But as the saying goes, quantity does not always correlate with quality. Yes, he has been around for a long time, but in hindsight has be actually added anything positive to your life? Has he made you happy in all of that time? Has he considered your feelings, and has he ever been concerned about hurting you? NO. Are you better off without him? YES. Which is exactly why today is the day I help you officially be rid of this undeserving ****.

When you first got with him, you weren’t wrong to assume that he felt the same way about you. I mean he gave you the impression that you two were exclusive, right? He made you feel special, confessed his feelings. So, don’t feel regret or blame yourself. I myself have no clue why people are like this. Some people just love to play games, some people are just complete narcissists. They make us fall for them only to go back on their word and hurt us. And it sucks that we get tangled up with these types of people. And it sucks even more that it’s usually the pure-hearted, sincere people that end up in these helpless predicaments.

Just know that you did the right thing by leaving. A guy who genuinely likes you will never ever consider cheating and will never entertain other people, even if this does just include a “harmless flirtatious text”. I don’t care what anyone says. That’s why I think no one should ever condone or make excuses for someone who cheated on them. And I know it’s easier said than done which is why people forgive and get back together with someone who cheated on them. And I know people have their reasons for doing this. But I believe cheating should signify a definitive end to a relationship. I believe that people who give second chances are doomed to a life of insecurity, regret and negative thoughts that will slowly eat them apart. A relationship without trust is not a relationship at all. I feel even more passionate about this having witnessed a genuine relationship, a relationship full of love, trust and understanding. Now don’t get me wrong, no relationship is perfect. But if your partner shows, not only through their words but their actions too, that they are completely devoted to you then this is more likely to be the person you spend the rest of your life with.

When someone truly loves you they will prioritise your well-being and happiness; make sacrifices for the good of the relationship; listen to you; acknowledge their mistakes (big or small) and commit themselves to making things right; make time for you; respect you, and will NEVER make you question their love for you. Also, you will not have to pretend or compromise your identity with this person, they will love you for you. Which sounds cringe I know, but it’s honestly the truth. If a person is not putting in the maximum amount of effort, then they are showing that they don’t care whether they lose you or not and thus are not deserving of you. A guy who likes you will never leave you on read, ignore you, become distant without an explanation. It shows they aren’t thinking about you, do not care about upsetting you and simply do not care. Do not settle for this type of treatment. Never settle for less than what you deserve or sell yourself short. There is someone out there who is desperate to give you what you deserve and treat you the way you should be treated.

You not ending things immediately, despite everything, does not make you stupid. Maybe a little naïve but then I guess I am guilty off the exact same thing. All the warning signs were there but I sub-consciously chose to ignore them. The feeling of being liked and worth someone’s time is so SO addictive. Especially when you’re not used to that type of attention and I guess when you’re a little insecure too (because that annoying, nosy insecurity bitch always likes to get involved).

It takes a really strong person to put an end to things and realise the toxicity of a relationship despite the temporary (fake?} comfort and happiness it provided for us. So guess what? That makes you an extremely strong person even if right now you’re feeling weak and defeated. And that is a key step to moving on. Do not victimise yourself but instead view yourself as a strong individual. After leaving a toxic relationship it is normal for us to blame ourselves. Our instincts are to remember the good times but forget the manipulation, the control and the isolation. Our minds rush to remember the kind words, romantic gestures and the undeniable chemistry you and your partner shared. But this is the same person who left you broken and emotionally traumatised. This is the person who made you feel so much self-doubt, insecurity and loneliness. So I am going to help rewire your brain and help get it back in check. I am going to remind you that you left him for a reason - a reason that is COMPLETELY and UNDENIABLY valid. Never try to compromise your decision or give it a second thought. He treated you like shit. You are a queen yet he treated you like a peasant.

Please please PLEASE get mad with me. Does this not make you mad?! I am mad for you. I am mad for all the people out there who have been mistreated and unjustly disrespected. I am mad at all the people out there who think it’s okay to play mind games and toy with people’s emotions as if they are not human beings. I am just straight up MAD. Please don’t allow yourself to get sad anymore, I’m sure you’ve had your days where you’ve cried and helplessly broken down. And you are completely entitled to these days, we need to get it all out of our system to truly allow the moving on process to begin. But now I just want you to think of him for what he is. A dishonest, manipulative, insensitive piece of ****. This is the motivation you need to allow yourself to move on. You need to reprogram your brain. You are a boss ass bitch. You need to channel that. Rather than spending your time thinking about him, spend that time on yourself. You deserve your time more than anyone else. This is a step that really helped me move on. And I’m still in the process of moving on, so trust me, I’m not going to preach to you like it’s easy, but a start is better than nothing. We can do this together. We’re strangers but gurl I feel so connected to you right now.

You know what you should do? Go to the gym. Work on bettering yourself and making yourself feel good for YOU, not for anyone else. You think someone liking you is an addictive feeling but that has NOTHING on the feeling of self-love and self-appreciation. Nothing is more empowering than that. We don’t need any man to make us feel happy and good about ourselves. Sure it can help add to it. But that’s all it should be. An accesory, not the complete outfit. (Did that make sense? in my head it sounded like poetry but writing it.. i’m not so sure anymore lol). You don’t even have to go to the gym - it’s all about doing things that you genunely want to do and want to dedicate time to. Whether that be yoga, reading a book, going out with friends…

Oh and that’s another thing. That “friend group” of yours is no friend group. You should be around people who uplift you and bring nothing but positivtiy and good vibes. After my break-up I spent the weekend with my best friend, eating an abundance of food that was bad for us and screaming the lyrics to enpowering songs. These are the type of people you need to surround yourself with. Not people who bully you and make you feel bad about yourself after a traumatic experience. Hell, I’m more of a friend to you than them and we don’t even know each other. Girl, talk to me. You don’t need them.

I’m so proud of you for walking away. I tried being “friends” which someone who broke me but it was just impossible. I don’t know how people do it, but it’s just not possible for me. Why burden yourself with the constant reminder of the pain someone caused you with no remorse? The worst thing is, as you said, they just don’t understand. They will accuse you of “over-reacting”, making you feel stupid for feeling the way you feel. I tried talking to my ex just to try and understand why he did what he did, to get some “closure”. But it just ended up doing more harm than good. People claim we need closure in order to move on but I don’t think this is always the case. Sometimes we just have to accept that some people are shit and that they do shit things. It’s not on us, it’s all on them. Why they are so shit is something they have to figure out, not us. You need to rid yourself of him. Delete his number, block him if you have to. Don’t message him. Don’t have any association with him. He’s not worth your time or space. Also posting sexy ass pictures now and then doesn’t hurt either. Show him what he’s missing. Because he really IS missing out.

And I know you fear getting into another relationship because you are worried it’s fated to have the same outcome. But trust me, when you spend time prioritising yourself and when you eventually grow to fully love and appreciate yourself, you’ll attract people who are good for you. You’ll learn to set boundaries and know your worth and NOT tolerate any bullshit. You’ll keep your standards high and will be able to detect the lying, conniving assholes from a mile away. You got this. The same thing won’t happen again because you won’t allow it to happen again. You hear me?

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. You asked for advise on how to move on and I’m sorry the answer hasn’t been so straightforward. I think the important thing is that you constantly remind yourself of how amazing you are and how wrong he was for treating you the way he did. Yes I don’t know you, but what I can tell immediately is that you’re a compassionate, loving and genuine person – someone who a guy will be extremely lucky to have some day. Also, another important factor is time. You need to give yourself time. Everyone says this but it’s true. Don’t beat yourself up if you occasionally relapse and find yourself broken again, it’s all a part of the process. But just know you WILL get through it. And remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, I can assure you that I am here. <3

I’m also going to make a mini playlist of songs that helped me feel empowered. Something as small as the music you listen to can also play a big part in changing your mood and aiding the moving-on process. BUH-BYE to songs that make us feel sad and nostalgic.

Playlist

· Lil Boi (Big Talk) [Ayanis ft. Queen Naija]

· Unlove You [Ann Marie]

· Heard It All Before [Toni Romiti]

· B.I.T.C.H [Megan Thee Stallion]

· Switch Up (Part 2) [Toni Romiti]

· Who Dis [Toni Romiti ft. Russ]

· I Know [Toni Romiti]

· Need Me [Toni Romiti]

· Unimpressed [Toni Romiti]

· Time To Leave [Toni Romiti]

· Options [Toni Romiti]

· None Of Your Concern [Jhene Aiko ft. Big Sean]

· Rebound [Savannah Cristina]

· Self Care [Savannah Cristina]

· Self Love [Dreameville, Ari Lennox & Bas ft. Baby Rose)

· So What [Amaal]

· Later [Amaal]

· Just Might [Summer Walker ft. PARTYNEXTDOOR]

· Not The Same [Sybyr ft. Landfill]

· Unleash me [Sybyr]

· I Don’t Like You [Sybyr]

· No Scrubs [TLC]

· See Me [Melii]

· Best Thing I Never Had [Beyonce]

· Why Don’t You Love me? [Beyonce]

· Freakum Dress [Beyonce]

· Irreplaceable [Beyonce]

· 6 Inch [Beyonce ft. The Weeknd]

· Freedom [Beyonce ft. Kendrick Lamar]

· Sorry (Original Demo) [Beyonce]

· I Don’t Fuck With You [Big Sean]

· Be Careful [Cardi B]

· Bodak Yellow [Cardi B]

· I’m Every Woman [Chaka Khan]

· Deuces [Chris Drown]

· Handle It [Chris Brown (ft. DeJ Loaf & Lil Yachty]

· Grass Ain’t Greener [Chris Brown]

· Cheetah [Chris Brown]

· Zero [Chris Brown]

· Level Up [Ciara]

· Needed me [Rihanna]

· Wild Thoughts [DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna]

· Bitch Better Have My Money [Rihanna]

· Sorry Not Sorry [Demi Lovato]

· Games [Demi Lovato]

· Say My Name [Destiny’s Child]

· Survuvor [Destiny’s Child]

· Nice For What [Drake]

· 7 rings [Ariana Grande]

· breathin [Ariana Grande]

· in my head [Ariana Grande]

· thank u, next [Ariana Grande]

· Broke Up With You [Toni Romiti]

· A Woman’s Worth [Alicia Keys]

· Right Back [Ar'mon and Trey]

· 2 [H.E.R]

· U [H.E.R]

· I Won’t [H.E.R]

· I Will Survive [Gloria Gaynor]

· Crooked Smile [J. Cole]

· Love Yourz [J. Cole]

· Ain’t Your Mama [Jennifer Lopez]

· Love Don’t Cose A Thing [Jennifer Lopez]

· Stronger [Kanye West]

· I Hate You So Much Right Now [Kelis]

· Poetic Justice [Kendrick Lamar ft. Drake]

· Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe [Kendrick Lamar ft. Emeli Sande]

· Alright [Kendrick Lamar]

· Leave Me Alone [Michael Jackson]

· Love Me Right [Moxie Knox]

· Feeling Myself [Nicki Minaj]

· Don’t Cha [Nicole Scherzinger]

· Medicine [Queen Naija]

· Karma [Queen Naija]

(I know I said a MINI playlist but I couldn’t help myself…)

Also, I’m going to add some youtube videos that helped me a lot. They’ll help remind you that you are, and always will be, a boss ass bitch.

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jo1rSII6vU

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTFp8cuBVLk

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1SLA7cmeHo

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I64AVJKsaWc

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dh1W-1Ulgo

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUjwVVxW0Mc

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMOPCvTM0o8

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hcJ9vxn2yY

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-NqX-g99jA

@wonderland-delusions

#help #advice #relationship problems #relationship advice #breakup #hurt #boss ass bitch #bad ass bitch #moving on #enpowerment #narcissists #toxic relationships #boy bye #submission

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fandomplethora · 4 years

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(ummm, i’m not sure what inspired to make this post (besides the fact that i have been listening to this artist on a near constant basis now) but here we go anyways;;;)

MYSTIC MESSENGER CHARACTERS AS HOBO JOHNSON SONGS

Hyun (Zen) - 3%

“you should go and quit your job and make all of those dreams come true. how is your self esteem? huh? that's important in what you're about to do. don't talk to your friends, their opinions hold so much weight. and that doesn't make sense. even your family, parents just don't understand. make the time. drop school, and people, and work to play music all night. you'll make a dollar an hour, at least you'll like your life. and roll with the punches even when it feels like you're getting fucking jumped but you're a real bad judge of it. hold on tight, boy. might be a fuckin', hell of a ride. but, but, but, they said it's a three-percent chance...that I'm gonna make it. that's a little bit less than what it is in my mind but it's ok, I think I can take it. they said it's a three-percent, my friends, that's what they said. and then I sat there and thought about it and almost believed it for a sec. but I think that they'll love me.”

Yoosung - Mario and Link

“mario's never getting some and link's never getting some, so why would princesses love me? i'm not really making moves, I'm just kinda breathing. i work at fucking pizza places just so I keep eating. (that's the type of shit)...thats the type of shit to make be buy a flask for 25 and fill it up with takka vodka only 4.99...yester-year yes-sir-please let me get the recipe, to not being broke. fuck I'd really love to be a king, but mario and link should've showed that perseverance is not the end all to everything. the princess in the hallway with a robe, I asked "do you for coffee and scones and she says "no!". but I just killed a fucking dragon though! with this sword that I made from the words of my soul. I just killed a fucking dragon though, I just killed a fucking dragon though. but its whatever I don't even care that much.”

Jaehee - Peach Scone

“...disregard every time I call you pretty. though it's meant sincerely it's just my imagination drifting...so I fall to ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart...or at least your spare time. and I love the thought of being with you. or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone. the second one's way sadder than the first one...we should go get a cup of coffee...I don't know what to tell you if I try to confess my love for- scones! i just wanna tell you real quick please, shh, I love- these scones! ...but she, you know, she is just so sweet and she cared about me a lot when no one else cared about me and I think that's really nice. really you know, she's just a, she's just a peach. she's a peach scone. and I love the thought of being with her, I just really hope that she doesn't get hurt.”

Jumin - Father

“my dad taught me 'bout the story 'bout the birds and the bees. when the bees turn into wasps and take half of everything. he sounded sure, that a bird doesn't need a full nest but a bed for our bird heads to rest...he told me son, beware, of the monsters that roam the depths of your head. sometimes they'll make you real sad or or real real mad, or real real jealous and that's real real bad. boy, breathe...my father's married to a shape shifting monster who can sometimes take the form of a really really really nice woman. and although it seems super fucking frightening, sometimes this scary monster makes a really really great vanilla pudding. he has courage but sometimes your courage isn't quite the kryptonite as the monster runs rampant through the house. sometimes your courage makes you feel strong but it seems as if the monster eats your muscles all along, fucking pickin' out your self-respect right out its scary teeth. her breath smells like pride of self and other men she used to meet. and the monster doesn't sleep - just schemes and fiends on the next tasty meal it gets to eat, it gets to eat.”

Saeyoung (Luciel) (707) (Seven) - The Ending

“she said, "you're like the weird...guy...in all the movies, who turns into the hero at the end and gets the girl" and I was like, "shut your mouth". but I'm gonna take over...the world as soon as everybody dies. i'm gonna take over your heart as soon as I get the balls to try. Ima re-arrange the alphabet and then take "U" and "I" and put a bit of space between 'em and hope that nobody cries. ...Ima be a nice guy might fuck around, it make a difference. Ima hope for the best, but prepare for the worst...I hope that you don't fall into their schemes and what they say, when you look them in their eyes, that they don't choose to look away...I hope that you don't fall into my schemes or what I say. when you look me in the eye, I'll look you dead into the face 'cause you don't deserve to be fucked with unless you're a fucking asshole...yeah, I ain't shit I ain't shit compared to them, right? I ain't shit. and I know she wants a piece of this wit (no!) and I know she wants a piece of this wit. my wit, my wit, my wit...”

Jihyun (V) - Romeo and Juliet

“we're just romeo & juliet but getting drunk and eating percocets. but just to ease the stress but soft what light, thru yonder window breaks it is the east - but juliet just puked off the balcony. how romantic. nothing like getting drunk and getting manic on a motherfucking monday, i brush the bangs behind her lovely little ear as she describes in detail how the end is truly near. wow, and I'm sure that we can do this for forever or until we drink the poison, 'cause she sees some cloudy weather. ...dear shakespeare, could you write a happy ending please? we just deserve a happy ending please, please. ...and every sting from every teardrop from every ring at every pawn shop. ...but dear mom, conversations from a couch haven't ever felt the same...my mom was made from adam's rib and the marriage went south...but dad loves to shout really loud. loud enough to knock the lamps and dressers to the ground. in my memory, i can hear chopin's nocturnes playing in the background, a slow trainwreck, you'll close your eyes, but forever hear the sound, and boy, it's tough. ‘cause that’s the sound of people falling out of love.”

Saeran (Unknown) (Ray) - Jesus Christ

“jesus christ seems super nice, i wonder if he'd save me. i've been on the wrong side of a bunch of arguments lately. and jesus christ seems super nice, i wonder if he'd love me. how come I only wonder when I'm sad or really hungry? jesus christ, you're super nice but don't expect much from me. I would kneel down, but I'm afraid that I would just feel nothing. praise god and other things that don't make sense to puny minds, like ours, designing roller coasters that almost always seem to fall apart. ain't it fun, ain't it fun, ain't it fun knowing that. that one day, you know, I fly to the sky, to the sun? and jesus christ, you're super nice. so I'll write a song about it. or that no one ever knowing for always claiming they're about it. press "ignore" on both sides that always claim to know that they're so sure. or just not be a giant fucking prick and enjoy the show. I'll enjoy the show if I'm not a giant prick, does that just mean that I am saved? jesus christ, you're super nice, i'm sure that you could love me. even if I don't go to church every sunday. jesus christ, you're super nice, how could you let me burn? if I'm not murdering people, then smashing their fucking urn. but jesus christ, you're super nice, how could you let me burn? but if I go to hell, I'll grit my teeth and get to work.”

? (Vanderwood) - Demarcus Cousins and Ashley *note: this one was more difficult because we are not shown much of vanderwood currently in the game though i do consider him a pivotal character - and one i want to get to know more as a player. we know vanderwood is a caring guy who can be rough around the edges - he’s also funny, awkward and, personally, charming. so, i look at this as him relating how he does care for those around him while comparing it to other shit he has seen. okay, analysis done. bye.

“I'm not a nice guy (he's not a nice guy). I go to jail sometimes (he goes to jail sometimes). but I am slowly getting better ever since a little lady wrote me such a lovely letter. I love breathing...I love drinking, but not enough to ever have to go to all those stupid meetings (let’s go)...I- I love you like the dog hates the leash and the leash loves the dog, like I love nothing else at all. love you like my dad loved my mom before they realized they don't love each other at all...I love you like bosses love to talk a lot of shit and like getting really mad when I quit, what? I love you like the bird hates november or just really really rainy windy weather. I love you like america loves to fuck things up and cops love to do things that are super unnecessary...and I love you like the stars love lonely eyes on seven consecutive friday nights.”

Mina (Rika) - Creve Coeur 1

"hi," says the girl with the right eyes that pairs pretty well when she hits you with the soft smile. you can kinda tell that something's going on, but she's like a skrillex song that never drops, she'll never talk. she'll never talk about the feelings that she felt today. better kept inside of a fence, inside of a cage, inside of a safe. that's safe for her 'cause they just hurt. and she don't know why that god sauntered. I hope he's trying. she said, "I hope he's trying. do you think he's trying?" then I said, "I don't know" but I asked her, "what’s wrong?" she just nods her head. and then I asked her, "what's wrong?" and she said...hold me closely. I don't think you should love me. I always feel so lonely knowing that nothing will ever last forever. sorry, you're much too late, much too late. ("you are so late")...she holds her breath all day and fucking gasps for air at night. she promised she would love me but only 'til the morning time. sorry, you're, you're much too late. you're much too late, you're much too- sorry, you're much too late- much too..."

MC - ? (MC is more difficult...I almost can find lines from various songs but it came down to these two.)

#2 - Mover Awayer (and it’s mainly for this part only.)

“fear the man who lives without love and the lover who lives without fear. fear the man who always wants to fight, he's not a talker. fear the talker who never wants to fight, he's got no guts. fear the man who knows he's gonna die so he cries every night and just denies his life's beauty. and fear the man who has heaven in his plans, so he gets so complacent that he doesn't call his family. fear the man who doesn't understand that there's a million fish in the sea, but fear the girl who he really thinks is a different species, she'll rip your heart out. ...makes my Mondays feel like Fridays (give me a break)...makes my Ruby Tuesdays taste like Benihanas (give me a break) and all I've really wanted was for us to get along.”

#1 - Typical Story (I genuinely won’t even put the lyrics for this song because it is more about the theme and feel of the song itself - as MC is the only one “playing” and going through these character’s “stories”. Casual, Deep or Another. So, I will just recommend listening to it and reading the artist’s notes on it for why I picked it as number one for MC’s song.)

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standfortheangels · 5 years

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Instructions: Always repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you, and leave 11 more for the people you tag!

Tagged by: @illicreatxm

This got long so I’m going to stick it under a read more ^^

1. If you could write any canon character, which would it be and why?

Hm. I’m not sure. I have roleplayed a couple of canons before, but I find it harder to keep the muse for them. I could probably do Elsa okay, I could jump between her locked in the castle personality and her open, welcoming character post-film, which might help, but the inconsistencies in her Over-powered Powers annoy me, so I think I’d add a few limitations in there.

2. Favourite Disney movie?

Maybe Aladdin because Robin Williams is of course amazing and so perfect in that role~ Ohh but there’s also Atlantis.. And Dumbo! Aw no... Let’s just call this my top three before I get carried away >w>

3. Least favourite MCU character?

I haven't seen the more recent ones, so, I can't take into account characters like Thanos or Dr. Strange or, whoever else they've been bringing in. So out of what I've seen, I'd have to go with Bruce Banner/The Hulk.

It seemed in the earlier films that they didn't give much attention to Banner. They were all over using the Hulk to make bits interesting, but Bruce was boiled down to "quiet smart guy who CaN TuRN inTo THE HULK" so, yeah.

And the hulk himself later did like a 180° change for me. In his stand-alone film I think Hulk says like 3 words, maximum. Then rarely talks in his appearances in the other avengers brand films. Cool. We had "Puny God" and that was a-okay. One short, memorable, funny quote seems perfect.

But then what was all that when Whedon got his hands on it? (I mean don't get me started on that, I am really reigning myself back here but) They start off needing ways to calm Hulk down enough to get him back inside and give control back to Bruce, fair enough. But then like... He winds up not letting go of Bruce's body even though he isn't enraged anyway? And suddenly he's emotional enough and smart enough to take- what was it a plane? And seperate himself off from everyone and look all solemnly at Natasha before he does it or something?

Obviously my memory of it isn't great, honestly I stopped paying attention after Natasha's "I'm a monster- not because I was raised in a heartless environment full of violence and raised to literally kill people, that bit's whatever- but because they took away my fertility and now I can't have babies." speech. And that's the last MCU film I watched. I didn't want anything to do with them after seeing what Joss Whedon did with the characters and the overarching plotline and... Everything. x') So I might have gotten some of the hulk stuff wrong.

(I did watch Deadpool though, that I enjoyed~)

4. If you had to create any new character, what occupation would they have?

Ooo good question.

I think something proactive, where they could seek other characters out, but.. I'd kinda like a bad guy~ Someone who lies so much for their job, they have a dual personality to work with. They can be your smiling friendly neighbour, wishing you well on your holiday, then turn around and grit his teeth because this poses a major problem for his mission, and he can't lose his target, so now he has to follow, but he can't do that as your happy neighbour, no, you know he isn't going on holiday, certainly not today, not on your flight, not to the same ski lodge you're going to. No, he has to make a new cover- maybe say his neice phoned him with a family emergency and he'll be leaving to go be with her a while. Then shed this identity, find out where his target is going, quickly pose as some other tourist who blends into the background and get to the lodge first, all the while planning out some plausible skiing accident he can set up.

Wow that got more detailed than I expected x'D I think I just reinvented hitman, whoops.

5. Favourite sport?

[Image ID: Kiki from Kiki’s Delivery Service, laughing hysterically.]

My biggest concern when I'm on my feet is not falling over so, obviously sports aren't really my deal. x')

I used to swim a lot when I was a kid, I loved that, but, don't do it now.

And I'm not really into watching sports either tbh. Most of it seems over-hyped. Most football teams (real football, it is not soccer. The hint is in actual football, the ball, is hit, with your feet. Picking it up and running with it and then sometimes kicking it does not qualify as football, come on USA. Your thing is closer to Rugby than Football.)

Anyway most teams aren't much better or worse than any other if you actually watch objectively, which makes it look like they both suck because they're too well matched to score goals more than once in a blue moon.

Rugby I don't really understand the appeal of either. Scrums are weird and it wouldn't be entirely bizarre to see a guy walking away from the game with blood down his face and an ear in his hand. You'd almost expect him to stick the ear on ice and be back in a few minutes with his bandages on.

Really the only sports than interest me are the gymnastic types. Ice skating is good for a while but it can start getting dull if you don't have people willing to break the mould a bit. (Which is why I absolutely love the free skate bit. Where they aren't being scored and they just do whatever the hell they want, omg I live for that)

Floor routines are awesome, the pommel horse and rings are usually a little samey for me but the one with those two bars at different heights, that's fun to watch~ there's a little more variety there.

(And I don't wanna hear anyone in the replies saying these aren't sports, every example there including figure skating is a separate event in the Olympics, so. There.)

6. What’s your dream car?

I don’t really have one. At this point in my life I don’t actually have the option to learn to drive so I haven’t really thought about it. My only criteria is, it has to have a nice face. x)

Since I was tiny I have always seen cars as faces. The headlights would be eyes, and usually the number plate would be the mouth, but some cars have other stuff like a grill that might be the mouth instead. So like...

This would be a grumpy car with a pig-like nose and frown.. Actually those look like jowels either side of the mouth part. It looks kind of like a bulldog. X’)

And this would be a happy car. That black part around the number plate it wide and smile-shaped, and the headlights- rounded on top and straighter on the bottom, like the little creases we get when we scrunch up our eyes laughing~

This car looks like someone just said something really stupid to it, and it is not impressed, and lets the silence hang not knowing what to say.

Happy car

Terminator car

Happy car but in a mean way.. Like it’s on its way to cause mayhem or poking fun at someone. You get the general idea -w-

7. A movie that you think should have a sequel?

Hmm... this is a toughie.

8. A movie sequel that you think should be deleted from existence?

I don’t remember which number it was or even the title, but the Shrek sequel where Shrek like, hates having kids so much he makes a deal to change time? And Fiona winds up as like a vicious warrior leader because no-one ever saved her from the tower, and rumplestiltskin is in it? What even was that...

9. Design your dream outfit using this game ?

I wouldn’t say this really is my dream outfit, but from the options on offer~

(also discounting the enormous hair bun >w>;)

10. Favourite fairytale?

I’m not sure if this actually counts as a fairytale, but I love the story of the jolly roger. That classic skull and crossbones flag has a story behind it that a lot of people don’t know.

In a nutshell, a man (i guess a pirate) develops an intense crush on a young woman, who is about to get married. But just before her wedding, she dies. She is buried, but the man doesn’t take death for an answer. He digs her up and has sex with her body. When he’s done, a disembodied voice speaks to him, telling him that he has basically impregnated this corpse, and to come back in nine months.

For some reason, he does. He digs up the woman again. And sat below her pelvis is a small skull and two bones. The disembodied voice tells him to take these bones with him on his ventures, and they will bring him luck.

It’s bizarre, and kinda gross, and.. I dunno if being rewarded for sexually desicrating a corpse is the best moral? x’) But I was amazed when I heard this story, because I’d had no idea there was this whole tale behind the flag~ and I still love that it exists~

11. Create an avatar of your favourite muse using this creator? ?

First, it’s so cruel to ask me to pick my favourite child how dare you >w> haha

I went with Chester though because he’s the one I’m usually most connected to.

I can’t think of anyone I want to tag right now (at least not anyone who hasn’t probably done this already), but I’ll put the new 11 questions for anyone who does feel like doing this~ :) __

1. What’s one thread/plot you really want to do that you haven’t had chance to yet?

2. What is the reason for, or meaning behind, your blog icon?

3. Do you have any pets? Tell us a bit about them!

4. What is one thing you would never want to change about your appearance?

5. There is an ultra secret spy group, and you’ve just uncovered their existence. Now they say that you must either work for them, or they’ll find a permanent way to keep you quiet. What kind of work would you offer to do for them?

6. If you met your muse in real life, how do you think the two of you would get along? (multi-muse blogs, pick one of your muses at random.)

7. You have been given a huge budget to remake one film in your own vision. You can change anything, add anything, choose the cast, you have no limits. What would you do?

8. What is one skill you wish you could automatically master?

9. A genie offers you a deal. An unlimited lifelong supply of one food of your choice... But, you have to sacrifice your ability to chew. Does any food still tempt you?

10. What do you think is the funniest animal?

11. Share one memory you have that makes you happy to think about~

#literally anyone can do this #and you can tag me in it too if you want #even if we've never interacted #I love reading posts like these #x)#ooc #long post #I loved the game questions on this btw!#I've never seen anyone include something like that before #it was fun!#illicreatxm

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starry-eyed-skz · 5 years

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Jisung and Jiwoo Han ~ The Twins Part 3

Hey guys!! Guess I'll be posting on Fridays now? Lmao 😂😂 Anyways I hope you enjoy~ Please be sure to read part 1 & 2 before this one!

Bold = memories, beginning & ending of chapter | Italics = thoughts

prev | part 3 | next

~~~Jiwoo's POV~~~

"Joshua, I think I'm ready.."

I sit at the airport next to Joshua, swinging my feet happily as I wait to board our flight. He looks up from his phone and at me in the corner of his eye, chuckling when he sees how happy I am. I look down at my phone, the date catching my eye.

September 9th, 2019.

Five more days. I missed our old birthday traditions, our normal birthday posts for each other on Instagram, our birthday with our friends. I miss our conversations we'd have late into the night during my insomnia. I miss everything. As Hyungwon took me from my room those 3 years ago, I felt that I lost half of myself. I mean, I pretty much did. "Hey, our flight's boarding. You okay?" Joshua's soft voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look at him in his worried eyes. "Oh, yeah! I'm perfectly fine, let's go!"

I grab Joshua's hand and drag him in the direction of our boarding gate. He laughs as he lets me drag him to board our plane. "I'm sorry Shua, I'm just really excited!" I say in perfect English, making him smile. I've picked up on a lot of English the past 3 years when Hyungwon would bring me out in public and have to translate for me. He refused to teach me English, but I learned on my own anyway. Before I needed his supervision to be out of my room, I'd go into his office and read the documents he had to try and learn while he was gone. After I got things down and could actually understand what the documents said, I felt sick to my stomach.

They were his murder records. He would type up his victim of the day and how he killed them, the time he started and finished the murder, the body condition after he was done.. everything about it. Although I found out about how Hyungwon killed his victims from him the same day, he never told me how he left the body. I kept some of the documents to give the police back in Korea if he tries to come back for me. Hell, they'll probably send the police here in America after him. He deserves it. Chae Hyungwon is a sick bastard with mad bloodlust. As Joshua and I sat in our seats I pull one of the documents out, probably able to recite it line by line without looking at it.

Son Chaeyoung

I don't bother to read how he killed her, the details way too gorey that I actually almost throw up every time. Instead, I skip right to the body condition, wincing at the words on the page.

Body condition- 24 stab wounds in the stomach, right eye missing, left arm chopped up, tongue cut off, cut on right right cheek, cuts on thighs and wrists, right shoulder dislocated, broken ankle, strangulation marks on neck.

I cringe as tears brim my eyes. I've read this death document too many times to even count but it still gets to me nonetheless. "You won't get away with this much longer you sick bastard.." My voice is quiet as I grip the paper, not willing to flip it over. Hyungwon is such a fucked up serial killer that I refuse to call him human. He wouldn't only leave their bodies in such terrible condition, he'd always take a picture and tape it to the back of the victim's death record. When I first saw Chaeyoung's body.. it was completely unrecognizable as a human corpse. No amount of therapy could cure the things I've seen from my mind. Hyungwon's crazed smile appearing behind my eyelids every time I blink or try to rest. He's hurt me before, but not enough to kill me.

I have multiple knife scars on the inside of my thighs and stomach, newer bruises everywhere. I could only sit there as he did it, fighting back my tears as he took into his sweet pleasurable feeling of hurting someone. Relishing in the cries and pleas for help. I would know, I screamed really loud the first time and he just covered my mouth to continue his disgusting acts, listening to my pathetic whimpers. It was the worst pain I ever experienced in my life. After a while, I just kind of became numb to it, letting him do as he pleased while I thought of the world I used to live in.

I rest my head on Joshua's shoulder as a sigh slips passed my lips. "I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Wake me up when we land, okay?" Joshua nods and intertwines our fingers, resting his head on mine. "Sleep well, Jiwoo."

~~Some Time Later~~

"Hey, JiJi, wake up." I hear a soft familiar voice talking to me but I just snuggle closer to the warmth under my head. "I know my chest is comfortable but the plane landed." My eyes snap open as I look up and Joshua, my face turning a bright crimson. "I'm so sorry!" I whine in embarrassment and put my small hands over my face. He laughs and pulls my hands from my face, smiling bright with a blush of his own on his face. "It's alright. Now, come on. We landed in Korea." He pulls to stand up with him and grabs my bag I brought on the plane with me, holding it out for me to grab.

I sling it over my shoulder and we step off the plane, walking over so Joshua can grab his luggage. I didn't really have anything, I just borrowed Shua's sister's clothes when I stayed with them. I left Hyungwon's house with absolutely nothing on me, not wanting to remember the hell hole of a place. "You wanna stay at the dorm with me and the others while we think of how to get you and Jisung together again?" At Joshua's question I immediately nod, a smile on my face. "I haven't seen the boys in forever! Hansol's still trouble I assume?"

"Oh heck yeah." He laughs and runs a hand through his hair, disheveling it. I laugh with him as we walk outside, a familiar van sitting there with a few familiar faces. "Jiwoo! Joshua!" None other than the maknae himself runs at me and hugs me tight. "Hi Chan, missed you too." I laugh and run my hand through his soft hair. I mean, he's 3 inches taller than me which makes it slightly difficult but we never really cared much. "Where's Hoonie?" I ask excitedly, wanting to see my fellow short person in this group of tall people. I spot a familiar head of soft cotton candy pink hair and run at him, almost knocking him to the ground.

"Jihoonie!!" I nuzzle his face with mine and smile as he tries to wriggle free. "Jiwoo! You know I don't like skinship!" He whines and tries pushing me away, I don't move a single inch though. "Don't lie! I've seen the videos of you cuddling into the others!" I pinch his cheeks and let him go, snickering at his pouty expression. "Alright, we ready to go?" Jeonghan asks and clasps his hands in front of him. "Yep, I'm ready!" We all file into the van and Seungcheol drives us back to the dorm, although I fell asleep on Mingyu halfway there.

~~At the SEVENTEEN Dorm, 2 Days Later~~

I've spent about a day and a half in Korea, which makes today September 11th. I've been rooming with Joshua, of course, and we've been trying to think of a plan for me to see Sungie again. Preferably on our birthday.

"Okay, I think I have an idea?"

Sorry that this chapter is slightly shorter! They're all prewritten so I'd prefer not to change much. See you next week with part 4 lovelies~

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vengeancect · 5 years

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it is extremely possible that by the time i left school, the damage was already done. the feeling of my life being unsustainable, forced, fake has persisted since birth, that sensation being one of the few things i remember from my childhood. a feeling of imminent disaster. i wonder if the past 10 years have just been a natural evolution of that? a sequel by a different writer? or maybe it was like putting a cheap band-aid over only one out of thousands of cuts. i don’t know what this did to me. i don’t want to find out. is it just one really long elevator ride to the next part of whatever the fuck this is? (i forgot what exactly but i know it can’t be good). if that’s the case, then i might eventually come to “miss” this decade-long seclusion period. that is, if i had the basic human requirements and clarity of mind needed to miss something in the first place. this seems unlikely. every day i observe things that remind me of why i left, things that recall the same feelings. my life has been very simple and safe for a long time. probably wasn’t safe for my mind but that cannot possibly matter when the people at the helm had no way of knowing anything and are thus absolved of all guilt, so says god and society and the universe. i’ll admit that the online relations i had with adults back when i was 12-14 were not a good influence on me, but all it really amounted to was stoking the flame. it would have grown without them anyways. the looping, nervous, intrusive thoughts, the ridiculous internalizing, the pure existential anxiety, the twisted and promiscuous exposure to sex and sexual material, it was all there before them. i doubt they really “affect” me nowadays, i doubt they ever did that to begin with. the problem is, i think i want them to stay. or a part of me. or the real me. i feel like the original darkness has grown sentient and saw potential in the victim narrative, so it recycles conversations and ideas and projected feelings, things that never mattered but now matter even less, puppeteering a badly-remembered corpse so it can possibly make itself stronger and realer. “hey everyone with your myriad trauma and abuse issues, it’s me! and i’m just like you! i fit the criteria perfectly. why not let me in? i promise i’m not a degenerate or confirm any disturbing stereotypes about ‘weird men’ or anything :)” like a serial killer at the community center. i don’t know. i’m not sure if i actually do any of this. i’m obviously a bad guy, but i’m not a schemer. too ugly and awkward for it. i’m not a complex or interesting type of evil. just a grotesque, all-encompassing black hole of incongruity, invalidity and unlikability. everything is forced. it’s hard to take it seriously or empathize, but very easy to be disgusted by it. now the influence of these internet adults has been distorted far beyond anything relatable or understandable or justifiable. if i was a good person i wouldn’t even be bringing any of this up again.

i think people often make death look really desirable when talking about it without even noticing. like it’s this gentle, neutral, forgiving place. a “better” place. i guess believing this is somewhat of a necessity. suicidal people are similar. as shocking as it sounds, i don’t really see it. this idea that you let go of everything as you die and just drift peacefully forever. it seems too romanticized. i can’t believe in peace or rest, not even as you die. what if it’s not as simple? what if the afterlife just doesn’t have a place for you? what if there’s no clean, empty stillness and the entire universe is just full of things squirming and eating and breeding, like this place? the possibility of anything good happening or even being capable of happening appears so abysmally low. there is no relief. that’s a phrase that’s been popping up a lot recently. this, along with revived religious thoughts (revived by a good person with good intentions, corrupted and zombified and defiled by me until only the hell and torture and damnation parts were conveniently left), make it actually kind of hard to kill myself. and yet i still pursue it every day, because i might be genuinely insane. and still, i’m right. it has never been okay to live. having seen and done the things i have, having been the person i am, it’s fucking sickening. even if i had the capacity to experience life beyond the level of a slug, i wouldn’t deserve any of it. this feeling overrides almost everything else. it seems ridiculous that there’s even any doubt, or anything to discuss. i must be erased. this is the closest thing to motivation. i can’t begin to approach something i can’t even mentally process or rationalize, much less commit to an internet post. i don’t have much of a history in the first place. so few memories and relations, and none of it seems real. everything dissolves under scrutiny. the more you take off the layers the bigger the void gets. there is no core. i don’t want to spend another 10 years here. all i remember from the last 20 is that they weren’t worth going through.

i bought it yesterday. it was strangely easy. today, while they were both away, i began. i tried doing a slip knot 3 times and failed. too much rope, maybe. i tried doing a hangman’s noose and failed miserably. i’ll try again at a later date. i got up, went to the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror.

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kookiesbadhabits · 6 years

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My Firsts [M] no. 1

gif credit

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6?

SUMMARY: three hot boys. one girl. college!au.

PAIRING : vminkook x reader

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

GENRE: fluff, introduction

Part 2 (real plot) coming 5.21.18-5.23.18

Description

A love... square? I love me some maknae line okay?

So this might be the ONLY story I have ever made a draft for with an ONGOING series in mind, instead of just a smutty oneshot. Don't get me wrong, there's going to be a whole lot of sin, but expect minimal porn logic, but real plot. These boys' characters are based on my life, but in not wanting it to hit too close to home, I'm adding a bit of a twist.

Based on a true story: that is my mess of a love life (like seriously my life can seem very fanfiction with the level of drama with these three boys. also minus the smut in my life of course, i wish my sex life were this exciting, but maybe in a world with almost no risk of contracting STDs or a world with effortless straight As in university courses) The characters are inspired by some past loves in my life, so this should be a fun little ongoing series I want to try out.

Also, for context, all three boys plus reader are the same age.

Opening/Prologue?:

*READER POV*

Boys in general sure are dangerous, but god, these three in particular are on a whole other level. How did I earn such luck to find myself with our paths all intersecting at once?

THE BOYS:

Kim Taehyung was my first everything. Well, every "first" a clueless 8-year-old could comprehend. The first crush, the first boy to push me on the swing, the first guy best friend, the pure-and-filled-with-curiosity-and-confusion first kiss, the first boy I asked to be my boyfriend after all my classmates started asking each other out. He was the first to make me laugh the hardest I ever thought I could; the first to make me cry the hardest I ever could. The first boy to break my heart: my first "almost love". That was who he was to me from elementary to junior high.

Can you blame me for taking the emotions so seriously? I was just a young, ignorant tween with all my hormones out of whack. None of that should matter anymore, it was a small piece of my past, a small milestone in life, it should have been completely irrelevant to who I became and where would bring me, or us. I guess I was a fool to think it would be entirely irrelevant, we are attracted to what we're familiar with after all.

Nevertheless, Taehyung was such a blurred fragment of my past, I was already a completely different person by the time we ran into each other for the first time in six years, right there on our university's orientation day. So why did bumping into him and slowly recognizing him feel like a truck against my chest? Seeing him shouldn't have struck such a heavy chord with me, so why?!

The least of my worries should be none other than Park Jimin, I know this for sure. He was my high school sweetheart, my first real boyfriend, first real kiss . . . first to be intimate with. Two years of growth well spent, back when neither of us had developed a sliver of personality. Our relationship had its fair share of cataclysmic moments, but it was worth it in knowing how well we existed together in that snippet in time.

We fought frequently due to the difference in our values and passions, and our clashing personalities in general. He was my exact opposite, aloof, childish, an improviser, clueless, innocent and hopeful. I was reserved, serious, ambitious, a careful planner, too mindful for my own good; a realist. I was aware that our relationship had slim chances of keeping its strength after graduation, with him not enrolling to the same post-secondary school. Not to mention, our relationship had been kept a secret from my family for its entirety due to my parents and their rules to keep me focused on my studies.

As I predicted, after high school graduation we had grown stagnant in our relationship, no longer growing as people. He was a safe anchor, a source of unconditional love, so unconditional that neither of us worked to help improve the other anymore. I loved him but I outgrew him, so naturally I broke up with him on the worst possible day: the day after our 23rd month together, the same day as his father's first death anniversary. I knew it would paint me as the worst person in his eyes, but maybe that's just how I wanted it.

Finally, there is the most dangerous of all, in that I cannot deduce why I feel such a strong pull towards him. He is exactly not my type and it doesn’t add up. I was introduced to him as I was being absorbed into a friend group by my first uni friend, he instantly became the first man in uni to have an energy that effortlessly drew me towards him. This man is Jeon Jungkook, a cheeky flirt clearly hiding behind the mask of a self-fulfilled prophecy as an asshole.

In the first instances we had met, Jungkook spent two hours pining for my attention, like a child scrambling towards a shiny new toy. Killing time in the library, our "study" group played a bootleg version of Cards Against Humanity. I had read him enough to know what would make him laugh, and he proved so in his verbal praise on my anonymous answers. The whole while we felt connected, we met after all. In just meeting, I knew the universe had already shifted for us. He spent the whole rest of the day finding excuses to continue to spending time with me, actually the whole rest of the term.

Sadly, I knew he spelled nothing but trouble. Fortunately, it was the kind of trouble I was longing for.

Anyways, enough blathering on about these three boys with such vague air to it, why don't I start from the beginning? I'm ________, 18 years old, in the middle of my first year of university, and had no idea what I was about to get into.

Chapter 1 - Chance Meetings

“CHILDHOOD FRIEND: THE FIRST CRUSH”

"Hey ______," an unfamiliar and rather deep voice calls out to me as I brushed past a small huddle of friends in the crowded university centre.

I instinctively replied hey back, only to stop in my tracks in realizing I didn't recognize the voice. Stunned, and a little confused, I glance over only to lock eyes with a complete stranger with a small friendly smile walking away in the opposite direction.

With a perplexed look plastered on my face, the stranger brushes past his group of friends towards me. My curiosity compelled me to stay put. My eyes, and head naturally tilted up slightly to keep eye contact. He was tall. His sweater was from some high school other than mine, so he couldn't be an old classmate. He just kept smiling at me, beaming like he had met an old friend.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I finally asked politely.

He chuckled, "You don't remember me?" gesturing towards himself, pausing as if waiting for his appearance to sink in with my memories. I was still stumped no matter how long the pause, and honestly it was getting too awkward to bear for someone like myself, who doesn't usually voluntarily make small talk with people, much less with strangers.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I do?" I replied, furrowing my brows trying to will some kind of familiarity still looking up at him and his big boxy smile.

"You look great though!" He continued, practically disregarding my current confusion. "You here for orientation too? This little scavenger hunt is pretty lame, don't you think?"

Not wanting to be rude, I put on my best socializing voice. "Aww, thank you!" I replied, matching his friendly energy. "I'm actually not. My sister brought me to give me the tour herself, she told me how boring orientation would be."

As we carried on, I kept thinking about who the heck this mans could possibly be? We ended up talking about high schools, he went to XX high, and I mentioned I went to YY high. I noticed his hoodie was not just any school sweater, he was in vocal jazz.

"So he sings," I thought as I pondered who I knew as a friend that was a good singer.

Finally, his goofy smile sinks in, and my eyes grew wide and lips pursed into a small 'o'

"Oh my god, Taehyung?!" I exclaimed, he only laughed at my reaction, though pleased I finally recognized him.

"Most people call me V now but hearing you call me that is so nostalgic," he smiled softly.

I blushed a little recalling that he had said I looked great, what with the onrush of memories hitting me like a truck. Holy shit, he looked good, grew his hair, parted down the middle, but somehow he was making it work.

We had talked a little more, asking for bits and pieces on the last couple of years we had been out of each other's loop. That's right, he moved after 7th grade, it had really been nearly 6 years, he had no social media, and our social circles never overlapped.

We could only talk a moment more before realizing he was keeping his group waiting, and I, my sister.

Before he could end up out of my life again, I impulsively asked, "What's your number? We should keep in touch!"

"Wow, _______ since when did your introverted ass have the balls to utter such words?" I thought to myself, mentally biting my tongue, but what's done was done.

He smiled warmly but with some slyness in his eyes, "I already follow you on Instagram, no worries."

I was stunned once again, "His name had never shown up on my follower list?" I thought. Before I could say anything, he had jogged to catch up to his group and so I turned to my sister.

“HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART: THE FIRST BOYFRIEND”

As usual, my last bus home from campus had to be unbelievably delayed due to the heavy rain. I was on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, now awkward best friend.

"Are you sure about it? I can really just wait for another bus," I spoke into my phone as I huddled in the roofed shelter of the bus stop, the chilly night air starting to bite through my jacket.

It had gotten pretty dark, despite it only being six in the evening. However, the shadiness of downtown undoubtedly had me on alert.

"It's really no problem, I'm already finished my classes today," Park Jimin replied on the other end. "I don't like the idea of you being alone this late, downtown of all places."

I could hear in his voice that he was already getting up from bed to pick up his keys and head for his car. He already had his mind set and there was little I could do to stop him. He could tell from the pause in my voice I was unsure about the whole thing. The breakup may have been amicable, but it still hurt a little to be with him not being able to instinctively reach for his hand for comfort. In fact, I had been careful not to give him opportunities to come and see me. Yet, here we are.

A drunkard was already beginning to babble out in the streets, with people doing good to veer past him. I watched him warily, slouching to lessen the prominence of my chest, tucking my hair in the folds of my jacket to lessen chances of easily being pulled by the strands.

"I guess that would be best," I admitted. "Please drive safely."

"Keep the call on, okay?" Jimin requested with the usual soft concern. "I need to know you're safe there, too."

I smiled, "We couldn't be together anymore, but I'm really happy this is where our relationship led up to," I thought.

In less than twenty minutes, I could see a familiar car approaching towards my stop.

"Get in quickly, _______." he said, also alert by his surroundings now full of potential threats.

I scurried over to his car, and got in quickly, greeted by his familiar welcoming smile. I kept my hand from doing its conditioned action of opening to await his fingers to interlock with mine. He kept his hand on his gear-shift, despite never doing that before and with his car not being manual.

"This is a decent compromise," I thought and smiled to myself, letting my lids bat lightly, the day's events catching up with me.

Slowly, I let myself fall asleep as usual in our drives, and he woke me gently upon nearing my complex. My roommate, Jean, waited patiently for me to get home safely, leaving a light on.

Jimin and I exchanged a brief hug at the door, and I thanked him again for his kindness. I watched him walk away as I slowly closed the door. As I thought, there's still a bit of melancholic air in his smile when we see each other.

"I'm sorry, Jimin." I whispered under my breath with him too already too far away to hear. Not that he hadn't already heard that enough times before.

“THE STRONG PULL/NOT-MY-TYPE TYPE: THE FIRST MAN ”

"Oh yeah, since I'm practically absorbing you into my friend group, you've met Jin already but this is Jungkook," Kim started as I sat next across from her in our usual study spot in the library.

I looked to him, establishing eye contact to give him a sup nod with a smile, he laxly raised a hand and raised his brows to acknowledge the greeting.

I had met all Kim's guy friends from high school, but none of them piqued your interest in this way. Before even sitting down, I had already spotted him after my eyes found Kim. He was an unfamiliar and attractive individual, emanating energy with a distinct warning written all over it: "TROUBLE".

Nonetheless, I couldn't resist initiating the game that started the moment the universe decided to shift in tune with our meeting.

In spending no more than half an hour with them, I found Jungkook persistently trying to shift my attention towards him whether it be to tell a witty remark or to try and make me laugh with poorly constructed jokes I had already read off the internet over five years ago. The cool air had to be a facade, all I could see was a dorky squish, spoiled for some attention.

I giggled none the less, to humour him (literally) and to end up one-upping him in the comedy department when we decided to play an app that was practically a bootleg of Cards Against Humanity.

The phrase was "The worst thing to scream at my grandma's funeral" and my answer had been a blank where I typed, "RIP girl may your bingo wings flap your soul to heaven."

Jungkook, being the judge, burst into laughter mid-way into reading my answer out loud.

"Whoever put that, good one," he said as he banged a hand against the table with his nose still crinkled in amusement.

I raised a hand laxly, and he blinked at me, his eyes twinkled with a glint of further intrigue and curiosity.

Jin ended up winning all the games, and when time came for Kim and I's class, Jungkook quickly got up with us.

Growing tired of the library scene, Kim and I moved to go to the university centre to get some food. Jin and Jungkook naturally tagged along behind us. I don't know how they did it, but Jin and Kim disappeared for god knows what counselor, leaving me alone with Jungkook.

We sat with no more and an inch separating us and he looked to me with the same curiosity and intense gaze. I had voiced my discomfort about being left alone.

"Why are you scared to be alone with me?" Jungkook asked bluntly. "I don't bite."

"Ah, I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of being alone with people I just met," I corrected him. "Don't flatter yourself."

By this time, we had easily established some playful banter between us, with him every now and then joking about not being able to handle too much of gaze. Before I knew it, he was telling me a bunch of stories about parties and trips to Paris I didn't ask about.

"Yeah, I woke up with just some girl's bare ass bouncing on my jeans." He continued, trying too hard to show how admired he was by the ladies.

"We get it, hun, you're hot," I thought through a split-second of lidded eyes before raising my brows again to politely portray my interest in his stories.

As he was finishing up a story about a flock of French girls crowding him during his class trip to Paris, I sighed in relief to see Kim and Jin approaching. Jungkook was cute, but he was still a boy in my eyes, needy and arrogant. I was fascinated by his character nonetheless, I had never met someone who could sound so full of himself, yet still seem like just some dorky squish.

Kim and I got up to start walking towards our class building.

"Aw man, it's probably rush hour so I can't drive home even if I wanted to," he spoke to himself aloud. "What class do you guys have?"

"Psych," Kim replied as he pulled the other strap over his shoulder.

"I might as well sit in your class," Jungkook spoke casually, as if not to sound like he actually wanted to spend more time with us.

"You do you," Kim nodded as she gestured for me to follow her.

It was only 2:15 pm. I looked over my shoulder to Jungkook, we locked eyes again, I swear I could see his pupils dilate in those big brown eyes. I gave him a small smile before following ahead.

He ended up sitting in our class, beside me the whole time trying to jokingly distract me every now and then. Many times, he showed signs of wanting to leave, leaning over into my ear to whisper.

"When does this class end?" His voice was low and hushed and too close to my ear.

I refused to give him any reaction for satisfaction though and simply whispered back, "Not for another 45 minutes."

He ended up pulling out a book, piquing my interest even more, "A boy into reading on his spare time?!" I screamed in my head. I, _______, had never in my life seen a boy reading a book for pleasure.

We carried on with class this way, and I just smiled thinking to myself, "Silly Jungkook, everyone knows rush hour isn't until 4pm, you're not fooling anyone you squish."

~ END OF CHAPTER 1 ~

A/N: Ho man 2/3 of these stories are 100% true tbh I may as well have said their real names. It's 2:30 AM now that i've finished this. Worth it. I am so inspired by the comeback and have been craving to start writing again. So I can't wait to get to putting my ideas for this series into ink.

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gimmesometimewhileiwork0nit-blog · 6 years

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here we go again 🙃

so basically i made this tumblr because i’ve just been pushing everyone i care about away while i publically spiral out of control on the internet lol. i need anonymity and i need an outlet. maybe my posts will help people not feel alone, and maybe i’ll get a better understand of my depression and how to handle it. or no one can read it at all i genuinely don’t really care that much to be honest y’all don’t even know who i am. also i can’t afford a therapist

i wake up every single morning wanting to die. and i don’t mean planning out ways to make this happen, i just mean like i wake up and i genuinely don’t want to be alive. like i wake up and i’m like “why the fuck did i have to wake up this time?” i’m literally only here because i have cats and my dad wouldn’t take care of them if i killed myself lol.

i feel like i just need to get every single fucking underlying issue that is eating me alive out of my brain. it’s so fucking weird to tell someone my life story but typing it makes me feel like i’m talking to someone so here we are!!!! please don’t reply to this and be like “bitch no one cares”!!! i’ve cried every single fucking day since november. my last depressive episode lasted 3 years and i feel worse this time. i’m scared for myself a lot that i won’t be able to ever feel happiness. because in reality i don’t think i’ve ever been happy? i’ve never felt genuine love except from my dad and sister and stepmom. i have family members i don’t speak to because i can’t handle the fake ness. so yeah here’s my story i guess ~~~

my parents got divorced when i was 3 because my mom cheated on my dad. she married the guy and had a kid with him (my baby brother). my dad remarried and she had two children already (my brother and sister); and my dad had a son from his girlfriend in highschool back east.

i had a good life up until my stepdad cheated on my mom. she found text messages in his phone one night and found out he was having an affair and he just said fuck it and stopped paying for everything the week after my mom got laid off which literally sent our life spiraling out of control. which i guess is my moms karma for doing that to my dad.

i’m 23 years old, and at 16 my mom got super deep into a pill popping addiction and she lost her job, her husband, our house, custody of my 7 year old brother, and me and her had to move into her friends house who were also a bunch of pill poppers (pain pills, antidepressants, basically anything lol) along w some heroin addicts. my boyfriend at the time was also a heroin addict (which i didn’t find out about until i was 19 cause im oblivious to everything). my ex basically lived with us, and it was just a really hard life.

before we lost the house, my mom would stay up for a week straight (i still can’t figure out what kind of drugs she was on, probably meth because that used to be her drug of choice but i’ve never tried it so i wouldn’t know) and then she would pass out for a week and i wouldn’t see her. i would make sure me and my little brother were fed and i would make sure we got to school...we lived on ebt so i tried to make things last when my mom wouldn’t go shopping. i got served the custody papers for my little brother after someone banged on our door for 45 minutes at 1030 at night because my mom wouldn’t answer the door. i was 16 year’s old like what the actual fuck lmao. so my brother moved out then i came home from school (mom was asleep) to an eviction notice on our door. so we moved to my moms friends right after i turned 17.

my mom and her friend drank every single day and every single night. my moms friend had THREE fentanyl patches on her at all times because she fucked up her elbow....from falling down her stairs drunk. i watched my mom go from a kind of okay human being (she’s always been very selfish and stuck in her ways, i can’t think of one thing i admire about her and that hurts to say i’m hoping i will feel different some day maybe venting will help) to just a helpless pathetic child with not one strong bone in her body. my mom didn’t even try to get custody of my brother. my dad told me he had me six days a week until the courts tried to cut my moms child support, then she took everything from him including me (which comes into play later ). my mom and her friend woke up everyday and filled their tumbler glasses (those huge ones from the dollar store) with bud light. i went to school (aka hotboxed my car til third period) while my mom drank and popped pills all day instead of looking for a job. she used to go pick up cans in the middle of the night with this homeless guy for money. instead of just looking for a fucking job when she had two kids (technically one because my stepdad got an emergency custody order). i sold weed to buy myself food and then the owner of the house got mad at me for “keeping food to myself when other people lived there”. like i was living in literal fucking hell. i went from being super social to not even being able to get along with people.

my ex comes into play a lot w my depression but he needs his own post. story for another day 🙃

i used to find heroin spoons in the bathroom and syringes. my anxiety got so bad that i woke up every morning and had a panic attack and would throw up stomach bile for hours. i almost didn’t graduate high school because i didn’t want to puke at school because everyone thought i was bulimic. i read about an eating disorder called #arfid , which i want to look more into (anyone have any insight?) because all of these things still effect me today. anyways i was basically just a fucking wreck all the time and my ex was abusive and an addict and i just felt like this normal ass person surrounded by psychopaths. which made me crazy. why couldn’t my life just be normal like people normally come home to watch tv or some shit i came home and avoided all the strung out people and herniated in my room. so we lived like this until i graduated. three weeks before graduation (i had just turned 18) my mom drops the ball on me that two weeks after i graduate she was selling all of her shit and moving to virginia so i had to find a place to live because her friend would only let me stay there a month. SHE COULDNT EVEN MAKE IT TWO MONTHS WITHOUT MY CHILD SUPPORT CHECK.

she left me at 18 and my brother at 10 with no plan to come back. she left to go live with her cousin who just got divorced and also has two kids. i live in southern california. what kind of a fucking person does that?

so five years pass with yearly visits. this last visit i see a text on her phone from her cousin that says “good morning baby”. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAF MEANS?????? i’m literally horrified and i fucking hate my mom and i don’t know how to deal with this. how would you guys deal with this? my mom left her children to be a yeehaw cousin fucker hahahahhahahaha so i will end this with i want to die and also send advice

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jeontaeh · 3 years

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〚EIGHTEEN〛

Jungkook felt a soft whine leave his lips, fingers clenching around white bedsheets as Taehyung fucked him, cock rooting deep inside his ass.

"A-ah-" Jungkook let out, his hips getting pulled higher up as Taehyung continued fucking in and out of him. Jungkook was on his knees, palms against the bed, ass up in the air, Taehyung behind him. "I-I'm g-gonna cum,-"

Taehyung had a sheen of sweat all over him, letting his hand trail up Jungkook's quivering thigh and travel to his cock. "Cum for me, baby," Taehyung said, tugging on his member. Jungkook let out a whimper, before cumming all over his tummy.

Taehyung smirked, and continued rocking into him, bed shaking slightly from the rigorous movement. Jungkook stayed pliant and steady until Taehyung came in him, and then felt another choked out whine leave his throat at that.

"I really," Taehyung panted, pulling out of him and falling onto the bed. "-wanna fuck you raw."

Jungkook turned around, looking a mess. His hair was all messed up and his cheeks were rosy red, eyes dilated and parts of his body reddened from where Taehyung grabbed him really hard. "That sounds fun but I don't want aids, so no thanks." Jungkook said, and Taehyung whined, falling atop of him, nestling his nose in the crook of his neck.

"Pleaseee-" Taehyung said softly, and Jungkook giggled, wrapping his legs around him, both flopping to their sides on the bed.

"Noooo~" Jungkook replied, and Taehyung wrapped his arms around his waist. "Maybe later.. when you're clean," Jungkook said, and Taehyung looked up at him.

"Okay well winter break is coming up-" Taehyung said, kissing Jungkook on the mouth. "-so I'll go to the doctor-" Taehyung continued, kissing Jungkook again. "-and then maybe I can sow my seed in you-"

"Not if you use THAT metaphor." Jungkook said as he rolled off the bed, grimacing and making a fake puking noise. He stood up, waddling over to the pile of clothes on the floor.

"Oh come on now," Taehyung said, sitting up, letting out a snicker. Jungkook looked around for his clothes, while Taehyung raked his body with his eyes."What're you doing?"

"Putting my clothes on? I'm really sleepy so I wanna go back to my dorm-" Jungkook started, but then Taehyung stood up, walking over to him.

Taehyung grabbed his forearm. "Just stay at mine," Taehyung said, emotionless.

Jungkook hesitated. "A-as in.. sleep in your- your bed-?" Jungkook squeaked, and Taehyung cleared his throat, looking away.

"I mean, you could sleep in the other bed, but it's not as comfortable." Taehyung mumbled, and Jungkook looked at him for a few seconds.

Taehyung turned around, and Jungkook saw his muscles tense up a little. "Dammit, Jungkook- I'm not good at this kind of thing. Just- fucking- stay over tonight and sleep in my fucking bed, stop being a bitch about it," Taehyung snapped, and Jungkook felt his eyes glimmer a little.

Okay, he knows Taehyung has a hard time with emotions and stuff. But even the slightest glimpse into a more vulnerable, open, lovable Taehyung made Jungkook's heart gallop.

"Okay.." Jungkook trailed, picking up a random t-shirt and putting it on (knowing damn well it was Taehyung's). "You're so bossy, sheesh."

Taehyung slapped Jungkook's ass as the boy jumped onto the bed. Taehyung smiled at him, and then took a pair of trackpants and tugged them on, jumping onto the bed himself. Jungkook giggled, looking up at Taehyung, who looked down at him with a small smile.

Jungkook leaned up and kissed him really hard. And in the midst of kissing him realised two things.

1. Fuckbuddies don't just share beds and kiss for no reason.

And as Taehyung kissed him back and wrapped his arms around Jungkook, Jungkook realised the second.

2. Fuckbuddies don't just cuddle.

But Jungkook laid his head on Taehyung's shoulder, and it fit so perfect, and his hands fit like a jigsaw with Taehyung's, and his lips slotted so well with Taehyung's, and Jungkook just wanted. Wanted Taehyung to open his eyes right now, look at Taehyung, and tell him the same.

Instead, Taehyung opened his eyes and looked at Jungkook for a few seconds. Jungkook gulped, looking up at him hesitantly. He felt a hand on his thigh, and then saw Taehyung suck in a sharp breath, and let out a few words.

"Kook," Taehyung said, and Jungkook hummed. Taehyung's gaze was intense, almost killing, lips looking ever so close to kissing Jungkook. "You're- you're my best friend,"

And Jungkook paused. He let that sink into his mind, and then nodded ever so slightly, tucking his head back onto Taehyung's shoulder.

He then realised two things. Two crucial things.

1. This was literally a fucking Taylor Swift song.

2. He didn't say it back.

///

Falling in love would have a few steps to them, as said by Taylor Swift circa 2014;

One night he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says. "You're my best friend." And you knew what it was He is in love.

Thus raises the question- Was Taehyung in Love???

Answer, simple and short, : no.

Okay so next morning (after the beating hearts, gleaming eyes, hesitant hand holding, and much-too-soon spooning) Jungkook woke up, took one good look at Taehyung sleeping soundly, and bolted.

It was a Saturday, a good day, and Jungkook had his fingers bent from how shaky they'd been since the night before. Taehyung held his hand all night, and Jungkook couldn't fucking sleep with that going on.

So here he was, in the library, with the laptop opened in front of him. It was currently 3 pm. He had successfully avoided Taehyung all day. Jungkook just had things to think about..

So Jungkook opened up google, opened up a tab, and then typed in. How do you know if your crush likes you back-

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck- Jungkook deleted that sentence and then took a deep breath. What. Is he doing.

His hopes MUST stay below a certain level. The moment he rises them even an inch above that thin grey line, it means he's gotten his hopes up, and will soon see them tumble down.

"No, no no-" Jungkook mumbled under his breath, and then clenched his fists for a few seconds, and searched it up again.

How to know if your crush likes you back

Jungkook scrolled down the article, muttering dumbass under his breath again and again.

1. Notice physical contact!

This article was already way too enthusiastic, probably getting trafficked by losers who are pining over someone who will never like them back, aka- Jungkook.

Speaking of physical contact, Taehyung is quite touchy. Duh, you're fucking. If he wasn't touchy, that'd be weird.

No but, he's sometimes overly touchy? Like last night.. when he randomly grabbed Jungkook's hand and brushed the pad of his thumb over his fingers ever so softly, and Jungkook couldn't fucking THINK. Even now, just the thought of that small gesture sent Jungkook's heart racing.

2. Figure out their shyness around you!

Taehyung's not shy. Not at all. He's loud, assertive, dominant, lets everyone know what's in his mind, and doesn't hold back. Sometimes it comes off as borderline mean, but Jungkook's come to adore it.

That said- Taehyung's shy around Jungkook. Just sometimes.

Like the other day when Jungkook was doing art, and Taehyung's cheeks got kinda red. When Jungkook asked why, Taehyung scratched the back of his neck, did that thing where he pretends to look disinterested, and then asked if Jungkook could sit on his lap.

And Jungkook hid his blush and did, letting Taehyung wrap his arms around him and watch him paint while holding Jungkook. It was a silent ordeal, but it made Jungkook's heart flutter.

3. Notice if they treat you differently!

Yes! Oh my lord- Jungkook's literally heard the football guys bitching about how Taehyung doesn't say shit to Jungkook. While they all have to run laps, Jungkook sometimes slows down or stops to drink water, and Taehyung doesn't tell him off. Meanwhile Youngjae stops to breathe and Taehyung shouts at him.

Plus, Taehyung's.. nice to Jungkook. He's not nice to anyone else. Not even to the girls he's into. Not to Eka, or any of the other tens of girls he's hooked up with. No, only nice to Jungkook.

Only protective over you.

4. Check their interaction with you on social media!

jeonjungkooks

193 likes, 47 comments jeonjungkooks i look like a bug lol

view comments...

eka11 awww so cute

lalalalisa_m this is so adorable!!

minyoongi damn maybe if i post an ugly pic of myself i'll get comments from girls too

hoseokj @minyoongi you'll never get comments from girls

minyoongi @hoseokj bro fuck u

kth_v aw

kth_v fuck

kth_v that picture of you is so fucking cute

kth_v im making it my lockscreen

jeonjungkooks shutupskdjskdj

Jungkook sighed, looking away from his phone. He's not.. dumb, right? There's only so much he can push aside before coming to terms with the fact that maybe Taehyung does return those feelings?

And maybe, just maybe, Taehyung telling Jungkook he's his best friend wasn't friendzoning? In fact it was something more? Misconstrued conceptions constructed in Taehyung's mind that he's trying to push aside?

"Jungkook?"

Jungkook slammed his laptop screen shut, and turned in an instant, seeing Taehyung standing there, bandana yellow today, clad in a red sweater and sweatpants.

"H-hi." Jungkook said softly, and Taehyung sat down beside Jungkook, looking.. nervous.

"Um- why- why'd you leave this morning?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook's breath hitched.

"No reason. I just- um- got a text from Jimin.. he didn't know where I was and stuff, so I left. Sorry." Jungkook said quickly, and Taehyung placed his hand on Jungkook's thigh.

"Good." He said, looking at his hand. "Anyways, what were you doing?"

"Nothing. Just working on a- um- english essay." Jungkook said quickly, and Taehyung rolled his eyes, taking his hand off Jungkook and leaning against his chair.

"God, Kookie. Your academic focus is quite endearing." Taehyung said, and Jungkook giggled.

"So is your sporty flare, Mr. Kim." Jungkook said, and Taehyung snickered, looking at Jungkook with an odd look on his face. Almost.. fond.

Taehyung suddenly leaned in, so he was quite close to Jungkook. "You ever wanna.. just.. kiss someone, but you can't, 'cause you're in public?" Taehyung asked softly.

Jungkook looked down at Taehyung's lips, gulping. "S-sometimes." Jungkook squeaked.

Taehyung hummed, and then pulled back, smiling at Jungkook, who seemed frazzled now. "Wanna play a game?"

"...A game?"

///

Jungkook giggled loudly, looking at Taehyung while holding a big dictionary. "Okay okay- what's the definition of... Diphthong."

Taehyung made the most confused face. "That one had to mean a bikini thong,"

"No! Stop guessing that for everything! It means two adjacent vowels occurring within the same syllable. Your turn!" Jungkook said, passing the dictionary to Taehyung.

They were sitting in the far away end of the library, by the geology and zoology section, alone, playing a dumb game where you read a word from the dictionary and the other has to guess the definition.

"I literally don't know a single word you just said. Okay... hmmm.." Taehyung said, flipping thought the dictionary. "Aholeahole."

"Asshole!" Jungkook said loudly while grinning, and Taehyung put his hand over Jungkook's mouth, both giggling.

"Baby you're too loud." Taehyung giggled, and then looked at the dictionary. "And no, it's the name of a species of Hawaiian flagtail native to the central Pacific." Taehyung read, and Jungkook rolled his eyes.

"It's not pronounced like that, genius! Okay, my turn-" Jungkook said, grabbing the book. While trying to grab the book, Taehyung grabbed his waist and pulled him onto his lap. Jungkook giggled brightly, gripping on Taehyung's shirt.

Jungkook fell onto his lap and looked at him closely, smiling. Taehyung looked back up at him, and then trailed a hand down Jungkook's spine. "Kookie.."

"Yeah?" Jungkook asked softly, and Taehyung looked up at him with somber eyes. Taehyung reached forward and pressed their lips together, and Jungkook hummed, kissing him back.

Jungkook pulled away for a split second. "V-" Jungkook squeaked, kissing him again, and then pulling away again. "Someone might catch us-"

"Don't-" Taehyung said suddenly, pulling away. "Don't call me that."

Jungkook paused. "W-what?"

"Call me by my real name," Taehyung said, looking hesitant, looking away as he always did. "Taehyung. Call me Taehyung."

"Taehyung." Jungkook repeated with him. "L-like that?"

"Yeah." Taehyung gulped. "I-I don't want others to, but you can. You can say it." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook's heart skipped a beat.

"I-I can call you Taehyung?" Taehyung nodded.

"Taehyungie?" Jungkook said with a small smile, and Taehyung rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless.

"TaeTaehyungie-"

"Okay that's enough-"

Jungkook began giggling, kissing his forehead. "My TaeTae~"

"I hate you~" Taehyung said in the same tone, and Jungkook laughed harder, leaning in to kiss him tight, when suddenly they heard footsteps approaching.

Both pulled away from each other, jumping eons apart. Jungkook turned to the side and saw Jimin.

"Um.. hey.. what're you guys doing?" Jimin asked, and both boys gulped. They looked at each other, and then back at Jimin.

"Nothing." Both said together, and Jimin raised his eyebrow. They probably just made that 10 times more suspicious.

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647263901550002176/nineteen

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