#he said he has a platonic song on the album too like could just drop zayn references there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yellowloid · 2 years

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hello dear! i just read your songs analysis and i think they’re really insightful and clever! i would be so happy to read other song analysis from you (both from tlsp and am)! also i love that you wrote the analysis from a personal view but not under the milex lens (although i would love to read your take on that version)!

hi anon, and thanks!! i'm happy to hear you appreciated my analysis, i love overanalysing lyrics so i'd be 100% down to make more. just drop the am/tlsp/mk songs you want me to analyse in my inbox (and whether you want the analysis to be strictly personal or you want me to go Full Milex Demon TM), and you can bet i'll end up writing a long-ass analysis post. i have so many theories (sometimes even different ones for the same song lmao like in this case) and they're just waiting to be put on paper.

now, since we're on the topic...

✨️mr. schwartz and body paint milex analysis✨️, by yours truly

(once again, this is just fan analysis. it's just as valid as any milex fanfiction i've ever written - meaning that it's completely fictional and i'm not in any way shape or form implying anything about them as real people. just having fun with lyrics and possible interpretations!)

(+ as i said in the other post, i'm analysing them together because there are so many interesting analogies between them and i think they might be connected. brace yourselves because this is gonna be long)

so in the other post i talked about anyways (and the ultracheese, but we could also add star treatment to the mix) as an introduction to the new album, how from what we've seen so far of the car it seems to be a very self-reflective album.

the vibes are quite similar, but if the tbhc self-reflection was done on purpose, almost calculated, the one that seems to characterize the car appears to be almost... annoyed. there's this subtone to it, a faint hue that gives it a sense of reluctant introspection. he's not doing it willingly - he's almost forced to do it, incapable of bottling his thoughts up any longer. like he finally understood he can't run forever (could be the effect of the pandemic, who knows). Also, the tbhc lyrics were absolutely cryptic, and even though the car ones are just as cryptic in some instances, we also find very straightforward, concrete lines ("come here and kiss me before it gets too cute / [...] and if we guess who i'm pretending to be / do we get a prize?" from Mr.S. as well as "watching your every move i feel the tears are coming on [...] and i'm keeping on my costume [...] and if you're thinking of me, i'm probably thinking of you" from BP). if tbhc had ten layers of mysterious metaphors covering it, the car has like... eight, i'd say. still very cryptic, but with a tiny bit more clarity to it. there’s still a lot of smoke covering it, but we can make out shapes a bit more clearly than we did in tbhc.

speaking of anyways specifically, i'd like to focus on that for a moment. everyone knows how it's a very, very personal song - but i don't see enough people talking about the evident parallels with see ya when i see ya:

"what a place for both the opposite sides of my double life to finally collide"

"you're feeling alive, a jekyll and hyde / [...] leading that double life"

like. do i even need to say anything. see ya when i see ya as a whole just screams of alex, but those lines? that's just miles telling everyone "yeah, this is about my absolutely platonic no homo bro", except it’s full homo and he knows he couldn’t make it any clearer even if he tried

also special mention:

"spilled the unspillable beans" (from the bourne identity)

"i put myself on mute before i spill the beans / oh, not again" (from SYWISY)

like. are you getting the vibe? because i sure as hell am

now, taking into consideration the whole discourse about double lives, masks and façades, let's get to Mr.S. and BP. as i said in the other post, in both songs it feels like he's talking to two different 'you's: himself (alternating it with 'i') and a mysterious interlocutor who appears to be someone he has history with. you and i both know who i’m thinking about lmao

body paint comes before mr. schwartz in the tracklist. he starts off strong, straight to the point:

"for a master of deception and subterfuge / you made yourself quite the bed to lie in"

these first two lines seem to refer to him not being able (or not being allowed) to be his true self; this is also confirmed by the 3rd and 4th lines, which are all about the need/urge to keep up (false) appearances and the misery that comes from it: "do your time traveling through the tanning booth / so you don't let the sun catch you crying". the sun could be spotlight, the media and the world's eyes on him, watching his every move. this whole “façade” aspect could easily be interpreted as him hiding his sexual orientation from the world for fear of being judged.

in the second stanza, this awareness also translates into self-deprecation (possibly internalized homophobia):

"my teeth are beating and my knees are weak / it's as if there's something up with the wiring / you can poke your head behind the mountain peak / you don't have to leak that you've gone into hiding"

he blames himself for this situation, for "having gone into hiding": the guilt takes up the form of physical symptoms and he asks himself whether there's something wrong with him ("something up with the wiring"), but at the same time he won't "leak" it, he refuses to admit it.

then there's a turn and he seems to be talking to the other person: "i know what you're thinking", which has Big Milex Telepathy energy, because who else could he share that kind of connection with?

now let's consider these lines from mr. schwartz:

"might be half a love song in it all for you / timing wise it's probably for the best / come here and kiss me now before it gets too cute"

at first he seems to be considering the possibility of giving himself and the other person a chance - the timing is right, they should just live in the moment without dwelling too much on anything else ("kiss me now before it gets too cute"). but then, after the chorus, this happens:

"gradually it's coming into view / [...] as fine a time as any to deduce / the fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue"

it's a bittersweet realisation slowly hitting him: right after he's almost been able to say fuck it and just live in the moment, he realises that neither he or the other person really knows what they're doing - what they've been doing all this time, maybe in terms of how deep they were really in, or how getting that deep would only inevitably end up hurting them both. he’s justifying them and at the same time almost criticising them, because they didn’t know what they were getting into and they really had no idea what they were doing (although, may i add, the other person might disagree on that. they certainly did know and he's just looking for excuses).

and then we have these lines from body paint, which seem to continue on that same route:

"watching your every move i feel the tears are coming on / it won't be long / it won’t be long"

he can't stop lingering on everything the other person does, almost obsessing over them - and at the same time this makes him even more miserable, because of two possible options:

a) he considers giving their relationship a chance, but fears it won't last

b) he feels like he's running out of time, and he needs to make a decision because the other person is still moving around, they won’t wait for him forever, and he feels "it won't be long" until they'll eventually move on. (may i add 2.0, if he thinks miles could ever move on and forget about him then he's even dumber than expected. oblivious king 😔)

however, stubborn as he is, he's choosing to keep up the façade despite his pain ("mr. schwartz is staying strong for the crew"; "and i'm keeping on my costume" in BP), keeping up his appearance ("wardrobe's lint-rolling your velveteen suit"), because he knows that's just how the industry works ("mr. schwartz is having tea with the grips / asking after all the wives and the kids / it's at the heart of what the business is"); he can’t live freely – he’s committed to the role he plays in the industry and he’s convinced breaking character and living his truth is simply not an option. neither he or the other person can change that, it’s just how things work ("there's not one god damn thing that you can do about this"; this also reminds me of these lines from star treatment: “i found out the hard way that / here ain't no place for dolls like you and me”).

but deep down he knows that, no matter how hard he tries to ignore his and the other person's feelings - it doesn't change the fact that those feelings are there, they exist and they can’t just pretend they don’t ("and if you're thinking of me, i'm probably thinking of you"). because that's what they've been doing for years – thinking of and obsessing over each other.

i also find this very interesting:

"and if we guess who i'm pretending to be / do we win a prize?"

it feels like he's responding to miles' attempts at deciphering him, of reading through his behaviour over the years after 2016 (through the entirety of coup de grace + some change the show songs). all these years, miles has been telling him through the veil of song to drop the façade and just be who he is, to stop being afraid and give them a chance, because no matter what he'll always be next to him. this is alex's reply: cynical, because the rose-tinted glasses (the same "rose tint" he mentions in mirrorball, perhaps) are gone, he can't see things the same way he did in 2016 because he forced himself to wake up from that dream. because he's convinced it was just that, a dream - one that could never come true.

but he knows the facts are there, he hasn't forgotten about the past and he knows miles hasn't either. and they can pretend everything is absolutely platonic on the outside, for the sake of their public image, but they both know what used to happen behind closed doors: "straight from the cover shoot / there's still a trace of body paint / on your legs and on your arms and on your face"; photoshoots representing their public side, and the two of them being the only ones who are able to see through each other's public façade. they marked each other in some way, and that mark is very much still there - but it's only completely visible to them, because they're the only ones who really know what happened. it's between them, a secret hidden in plain sight.

(+ these lines sound 100% fully sexual, i'm sorry it's the truth. we all thought about it and i won’t hear anything else about it) (also shout out to @haonsworld for speaking the truth about this part. you're braver than the us marines)

and yeah, alex may be skeptical about the possibility of them ever being something again ("having attempted twice, both incorrectly"), at the same time he can't let go of a tiny spark of hope, asking both himself and miles: "do we get a third try?"

this could also be interpreted as the other anon was saying - that is, them discussing the possibility of tlsp3, and how to make it happen.

either way, although a bit scared of failing, he's asking for a chance. he's hoping for it, despite maybe not knowing exactly how to handle it. but miles has been waiting for him all these years, hasn’t he? and he's ready to stand next to him in that journey.

after all, miles says it himself in caroline: "let me save you from yourself because / caroline, you're living on the edge this time / [...] take my hand / and go and lead the life that you've planned / 'cause you're gonna be just fine / my caroline" ❤️

#please @ am fun police don't come at me #i'm just having fun being a crazy demon 😔#answered #milex #my theories

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damonjuicyscock · 2 years

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Pictures of you-Chapter 12 (90's Liam Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90's Liam Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst, fluff, suicide, Y/N being in MH, maybe a few spelling mistakes.

Words: 3058

Summary: Y/N and Liam face a bad era, Y/N goes bad, she's sent to a mental hospital to be cured.

A/N: Hello everyone, here's chapter 12. It's a sad and was a very hard one to write. I take you to a trip into a borderline's head and mind in some way. The next chapter will be a rollercoaster, I prefer to warn you so you can prepare the tissues. You can also guess (because I quoted it twice now) that Stand by me is my favourite Oasis song (yeah, I even have a tattoo of it and also one that has to do with Damon)

Also, as a French person who's a British at heart, The Queen's death saddened me. And as I know Liam is a great fan of the sex pistols, so let's remember her with "God save the queen" (even if yeah, the punk era clearly showed that they didn't like her but anyway, I'm kinda punk too). Anyway,

Enjoy !

(Look at this handsome man OMG)

October 1996- London:

The “Be Here now” era wasn’t far.

The boys were rehearsing the new album in the Abbey Road studios, and I went sick for a week.

And this October week was the beginning of a nightmare era for me.

When I went sick, Oasis rehearsed with two known girls, and one of them was Liam’s ex.

Kate Moss was with them as she was Meg’s friend, but Lisa Moorish also was there, and it worried me. Maybe I was paranoiac, or maybe not.

I knew it didn’t end well between Liam and her, because Damon had also tasted the forbidden fruit with Lisa.

And I hoped nothing was coming between Liam and I, because she was far more prettier than I was, her personality was far more attractive than mine and I felt insecure.

This led to so many arguments between Liam and me.

Fer fuck’s sake Y/N, it almost has been a year we’ve been dating and ye still can’t fucking trust me? We’re living together and I even fucking asked ye to marry me! We’re fucking engaged!

But Liam, she’s your ex-girlfriend! How am I supposed to react? I said, crying

Ye said it yerself, she’s me fucking ex!

It bothers me!

Well ye’ll have to fucking deal with it!

I was crying more and more when hearing his words and punched the walls in frustration and distress.

Can’t you see it fucking hurts me?

It doesn’t hurt ye, yer only jealous because miss Y/N isn’t fucking confident with herself, she whines like a fucking little girl because she’s frustrated, and she can’t fucking trust me!

I’m not jealous, I’m fucking insecure, and as if you were not jealous! Remember my fucked-up date?

It’s not the same thing!

It fucking is!

Whatever, as I said, ye’ll have to deal with it!

And think I left G…

A silence settled in.

What were ye going to say? He asked with a threatening tone

Nothing. I answered dryly

Finish yer fucking sentence.

No.

Fucking say it! He yelled

Fuck you Liam! I yelled as well

The silence came back.

What were ye thinking? That I would drop every female friend I have just fer ye just because yer insecure?

No, and I never asked you to do it. But your ex, Liam, your fucking ex with whom there’s still so much ambiguity… I can’t take it.

Then take it or leave it.

What do you mean?

Take it or the door is opened for ye to leave.

I was stunned by such indifference to me and my emotions, to what I could feel. It was as if my words and my tears didn’t touch him at all. I asked for nothing. Nothing but to be reassured, because despite my paranoiac side due to my illness, my instinct’s rarely deceived me, and I was sure that between Liam and her, the story was not over. It might only be platonic, I didn’t know, but knowing Liam, it wouldn’t last long, and I wasn’t an option, nor the third wheel.

Still stunned, I couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore because the pain of his words caused me to dissociate. I only took my bag without saying anything and walked out the door, walking under the rain.

My mind came back when I was sat in a pub, the bartender asking me what I wanted to drink.

A glass… a big glass of pure vodka please.

Have something to cope with?

Yeah, like every second of my fucked-up life.

The bartender filled a big glass with vodka.

It’s on me sweetheart, good luck.

Thank you.

I drank it all in a row. The alcohol quickly went to my head and burned my stomach.

I was clearly drunk, so fucking drunk. And the last thing I was waiting for was to meet him in the pub.

Y/N?

Hi Graham. I answered without looking at him

I wasn’t even aware of his presence. I just recognized his voice. Then suddenly…

Graham? What the fuck are you doing here? I asked

Graham laughed

You act as if you’ve seen a ghost.

Well yeah, a bit, you’re the last person I expected to see here.

Huh…remember I brought you to this pub first?

Oh…yeah…whatever.

You seem… preoccupied dear.

Oh really?

I know it didn’t end well between us but please don’t act sarcastic with me and let me help you.

Oh thank you Gray, but there’s nothing you can do. I stammered

Then at least tell me what’s going on.

I chuckled

Confessing to my ex-crush about my fiancé, what a funny situation.

I knew it had something to do with Liam…

Why? Is he that mean?

No! No, that’s not what I meant! I was only going to say that he’s complicated.

Yeah. Yeah, he is. I chuckled again before starting to have hiccups

Well… tell me!

Oh you know… the typical thing, a couple arguing and hurting each other.

How serious is it?

As serious as it looks like! I answered, ordering another glass

You mean… you broke up?

Yes. No. In fact, I don’t know fuck.

Okay, I’ll try something else. What did you argue about?

About a problem invading my couple and which is trying to steal the only good thing I fucking have. I answered, starting to drink my second big glass of vodka

Graham smirked

And what’s the problem’s name?

Lisa Moorish.

No fucking way!

I swear.

I know you’ve never been jealous and that you’re insecure but it’s not your fault. So something is happening between Liam and Lisa?

I don’t know, but they’re close and there’s ambiguity.

You’re not having a paranoia attack?

Not this time.

I’m sorry you have to go through this, I really do.

Yeah, thank you.

If you want, I have something that can cheer you up.

Oh yeah? And what’s that?

Find me in the loo in 2 minutes.

Oh, you’re finally going to fuck me then. I said sarcastically

Don’t be fucking ridiculous Y/N, I don’t touch women in relationships.

That was humor, dickhead.

Graham rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom. I finished my drink and joined him in the bathroom.

Ah, here you are. Come here, there’s something for you next to the washbasin.

White powder, or also known as cocaine. That was what was next to the washbasin. Only problem, slowly I was becoming the gold dust woman.

I was deeply addicted to cocaine. In fact, I was addicted to any kind of white powder.

Be careful, this isn’t cocaine.

Speed? MDMA?

Heroin.

Oh let me guess, Damon gave it to you.

Huh yeah, why?

It’s no secret that Damon chases the beetle. And so do I when there’s heroin somewhere.

Yeah. Do you want some or not?

At this point, I’m not losing anything.

And oh, big mistake Y/N. Mixing vodka and heroin together, where did it get me? To a 3 hours blackout. I was lucky I didn’t overdose, once more.

I don’t know how and when I got home, I couldn’t remember anything until 4am, when I heard the door slam shut.

Do ye know how long I spent looking fer ye out there? Do ye know how fucking worried I was? Liam shouted

Oh fuck you Liam, my head hurts.

What the fuck Y/N?!

You told me I could leave, that’s what I did. After all, you don’t need me this much, do you?

Shut the fuck up!

Oh and why so huh? You know what? I don’t even want to talk, I don’t have the strength to argue with you, I’m tired. Tired of all this.

Oh so ye want to fucking dump me then?

No Liam, think again and about what you’re about to do to us. Now please, I beg you, let me sleep. I said, tears threatening to spill from my eyes

Liam sighed and went in the kitchen to get a whiskey bottle. He almost drank it all.

At 6am, I opened my eyes.

I had fallen asleep on the couch again. Liam was in the rocking chair opposite me, asleep and snoring.

My head was still fucking hurting, so it was my turn to go in the kitchen and grab a glass and aspirin. I took what was left of the whiskey bottle and drank it all.

Immediately after, I laid back down on the couch and fell asleep again.

At 8:36 am, I reopened my eyes and saw Liam, standing in front of the window, a cup of tea in his left hand and a lightened cigarette in his right one.

He was watching outside. It apparently was a rainy day.

Liam saw me move and looked at me.

Good morning sweetheart. He tried with a weak smile

Morning. I answered

Tea?

Gladly.

I made some toasts and there’s butter and strawberry jam.

You’re perfect.

I know, me. He said, a smirk on his lips

I rolled my eyes in amusement.

He went in the kitchen and came back with a tray of everything he had previously said.

I started eating while he was looking at me with a husky look.

I don’t deserve ye. He said

Don’t say that…

I mean it. I’m behaving like a fucking bastard with ye. I’m so soz Y/N. I swear nothing is happening between Lisa and I but I should have listened to ye. I can’t say I know how hard it can be fer ye, because I don’t, but I had to understand. And ye made me yesterday when ye went missing. I thought I lost ye. Ye made me realise I can’t lose ye. I can’t live without ye. I want to go to town hall today so we could choose a date for our wedding, because I also really want to marry ye.

Okay…

What okay?

Okay we’ll go to town hall today. I said, a smile invading my face

Liam smiled as well and came to hug me on the sofa.

I love ye Y/N.

And I love you too Liam. But don’t make me angry. You don’t know what I can do when I’m enraged, and I don’t either. Don’t make me sad because I love you, and I’ll always treat you right. I said on a threatening tone

I don’t know if I scared Liam, it wasn’t my goal. It was a warning. Because I really didn’t know what I was capable of if I had to lose my temper.

And he would discover it very soon.

April 7th 1997- London:

I had chosen a simple long silk dress for the day. After all, there would only be us two on this day. No one was invited. I was the one who would have wanted a ceremony with at least our families, but Liam didn’t want to and neither of us was fond of great celebrity wedding ceremony. Though, it still is today one of the most important days of my life.

And one of the beautifulest.

We woke up at 7am, preparing each of our own before joining each other in the living room.

Liam was normally dressed. I had added a small lis on my ear, wanting to make the atmosphere a little romantic for this special say.

Yer perfect. He said when he saw me

And so are you, handsome. Did you remember to take our wedding rings?

Liam tapped on his jean’s pocket as answer.

Ready? He asked

More than fucking ready!

A driver drove us to town hall and 30 minutes later, I became Mrs Gallagher.

We didn’t go on honeymoon. Most of the time, Liam was out, he was always telling me he was with friends and I felt alone. I was alone.

I was often staying with Meg and her friends, doing drugs and other stuff. I missed my husband. I was already chronically depressed, but it was getting worse.

And to keep me from feeling depressed, from feeling anything, I was doing more drugs. Mainly cocaine to feel energized.

But it started doing more than that.

Paranoia and deep hallucinations were possessing me.

I always had a bad voice speaking to me in my head. She really wasn’t nice. Insults, denigration, announcements that serious things would happen, that Liam never loved me and never would…

And I couldn’t take it anymore.

Only three weeks after my wedding with Liam, I tried to kill myself once more by opening my veins.

One of Meg’s friends found me. I was driven to hospital.

Liam only came 4 hours after, Meg and Noel shouted at him.

Liam wanted me to heal. For me to get better. He made the hard but necessary choice to send me to psychiatric hospital in psych ward where I would be wired to wean myself off the drugs.

May 1997- Saint Ann’s hospital- Daisy ward- London:

So Y/N, tell me about you.

There’s nothing to say about me. I’m nobody. I grew up in Winchester with a daddy and mummy who loved me but not correctly and not enough. I have a younger brother and a fucking useless life.

Why do you think your life is useless?

Because I’m always alone, I have no purpose. I was just born, and I asked nothing.

But you became a successful photographer, and you are married.

We all have to carry our burden for the rest of our lives. The trick is just to find something that makes you feel at least a little bit vibrant and someone who makes you feel at least a little bit vibrant too. I found that person, my husband Liam, but what is a husband when he is always away?

Do you love him?

If I love him? Would have I married him if I didn’t love him? Please doctor, be serious.

I am.

Oh are you? I know therapists like you. You try to make friends, propose a nice cup of tea and blabber about my life, wanting to know if I grew up in a loving family to make sure I’m not a fucking dangerous sociopath. Why don’t you ask the real questions? like why I am here, why I tried to kill myself…

I wanted to make you comfortable first.

I have no time to lose. I need to get the hell out of here and be cured.

Oh how I wish myself you could. It’s been 4 sessions you’ve been here, not wanting to talk during the first one. The only thing I can do for you is stabilize you. With therapy and an adapted medication. Your borderline personality disorder might get better one day. But your bipolar one can only be stabilized at the moment.

Bipolar?

You also have bipolar disorder. It’s common for borderlines to also suffer from a bipolar disorder.

Well well, my life was really meant to be shit then.

Don’t say that. I’m going to do everything in my power so you could live an almost normal life.

I laughed

The things with you psychiatrists and therapists, is that you don’t seem to understand that there’s nothing normal with us and nothing will be. You might be the docs, but try walking in my shoes for a day and you’ll see how it is, I wish you good luck.

Together we seem to have a lot of work ahead of us.

Yeah it seems so. But if you want it to work, allow me to see my husband. I need him to come and visit me, please, and I promise to do my best, even if I have to cry and suffer and bleed and that it’s what I always do.

I was allowed to see Liam; he could visit me during the visiting hours. He was coming to see me 3 hours a day.

I knew he didn’t like to be here; he was often looking at his watch as if he was impatient to leave.

And when I needed him the most, he wasn’t there.

Always being true to him, I told him about it and how I felt about this. How it felt.

And he made efforts, coming with me in therapy when asked and needed. He wanted to help me. He also wanted me to get the hell out of here.

I was released from psych ward in June 1997 but had to pursue therapy. At least when I wouldn’t be on tour with Oasis.

Liam made me listen to the new album and I loved it a lot, I said it was one of their best albums despite what critics and mags or the public thought. But he made me listen to stand by me as the last song.

Okay huh Noel wrote the song when he had food poisoning one day but listen carefully to the chorus okay?

Alright.

I listened to the whole song carefully, but the chorus was magnificent and just a bit inspired by all the young dudes by Mott the hopple. And even if Noel wrote the lyrics, there was my husband’s voice on the record. As if he was speaking to me.

“Stand by me, nobody knows the way it’s gonna be”.

Liam wanted me to understand I had him, my husband lover and friend, someone to cry with, that he loved me.

I kissed him passionately at the end of the song, crying a little.

I’m here, and I’ll always be fer ye, me.

And I heard it and believed it. I just didn’t know what was going on behind my back…

#liam gallagher x reader #liam gallagher smut #liam gallagher fluff #liam gallagher fanfic #liam and noel #graham coxon x reader #oasis band #oasis

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90363462 · 2 years

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Taylor Swift Has Spent 16 Years Subtly Telling Us Super Intimate Details About Other Celebrities In Her Music. Here’s Everything That We’ve Learned So Far.

We all know the songs about Kimye and Jake Gyllenhaal, but piecing together details from Taylor’s entire body of work actually gives us a much deeper insight into the world of celebrity and popular culture.

Stephanie SoteriouPosted 8 hours ago

Over the last 16 years, she’s faced fierce scrutiny for taking her life experiences and turning them into Grammy Award–winning songs, namely because many involve her love interests. But, contrary to popular belief, Taylor doesn’t just sing about her ex- and current lovers — she actually memorializes her entire life through music.

This includes her childhood memories, high school friendships, and family values — as well as the platonic feuds and fallouts that she has endured along the way.

But by writing about her real life, which just so happens to involve a plethora of famous faces, Taylor’s entire body of work serves as a treasure trove of insight into the world of celebrity and popular culture.

While it is easy for the casual listener to hear “Style,” “All Too Well,” and “Look What You Made Me Do” and come to some generic conclusions about Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Kimye, what many don’t realize is that multiple songs, when pieced together, actually form a much deeper story.

So in honor of the release of Taylor’s 10th studio album, Midnights, I have taken it upon myself to tell that story.

But, before we get into it, I can’t disclaim enough that lyrical interpretation is subjective and that Taylor very rarely reveals who her songs are about. She does, however, actively encourage fans to connect clues and Easter eggs about the subjects of her songs. This article is the result of thorough research, fan theories, and widespread conclusions, but nothing is 100% confirmed.

So, let’s delve into everything that Taylor Swift’s music has secretly taught us about other celebrities.

Taylor’s first high-profile relationship was with Joe Jonas in 2008. They were 18 when they started dating in July, but it famously ended with a 25-second phone call in October.

According to Taylor’s songs “Mr. Perfectly Fine” and “Forever & Always,” Joe told her he’d been waiting for her all of his life, vowed to never leave, and even dropped the L-word.

In “Last Kiss,” Taylor recalls falling for Joe because of his confidence, charm, and respect for her parents, which is referenced by the way that he shook her dad’s hand upon their first meeting.

Taylor called Joe “the life of the party” and credited him for pulling her out of her shell by encouraging her to dance with him. Taylor flew out to Texas to watch the Jonas Brothers in concert on July 9, and this date is also name-checked in the song. But things went downhill quickly when Joe began to ghost her.

The singer ultimately found herself staring at her phone as she waited for his call, but that’s probably something she regrets because when he finally did make contact he brutally dumped her.

Speaking on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in 2008, Taylor said of their failed relationship: “When I find that person that is right for me, he’ll be wonderful. And when I look at that person, I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18.”

The worst part for Taylor was the “casually cruel” way Joe had acted as though he hadn’t done anything wrong after dumping her, and she accused him of issuing an “insincere apology” just so that he could look like the good guy.

And while Joe appeared to be “perfectly fine” after their split, Taylor struggled immensely and would wear his clothes around the house because she was so devastated.

But Taylor and Joe eventually managed to salvage a friendship and are now on good terms. In fact, in her 2020 song “Invisible String” Taylor recalls sending a gift to Joe and his now-wife Sophie Turner when their first daughter was born.

While Joe didn’t turn out to be the love of Taylor’s life, the pain that he caused her actually led to an eerie premonition in her 2010 song “Last Kiss,” where she sings: “Your name forever the name on my lips.”

As fate would have it, she wasn’t wrong, and she has been seriously loved up with another Joe — Joe Alwyn — since 2016. But we’ll get to that later.

After splitting from Joe, Taylor entered one of the most formative years of her life.

It was, after all, September 2009 when Kanye West stormed the VMAs stage as she attempted to accept her Best Female Video award, snatched the mic from her hand, and said Beyoncé should have won instead.

In her 2010 song “Back To December,” Taylor revealed that she had burst into tears backstage after the incident and was comforted by her then-boyfriend, Taylor Lautner, who had presented her with the award alongside Shakira.

In the track, which appeared on her album Speak Now, Taylor shares intimate details about how he supported her through the ordeal, recounting: “How you held me in your arms that September night / The first time you ever saw me cry.”

The two Taylors had only just met on the set of Valentine’s Day that summer, but a reference to her realizing the strength of her feelings “in the fall” suggests that the VMAs incident was the catalyst for them falling in love.

Unfortunately, they split in December, and Taylor had massive remorse over failing to realize how special the actor was until it was too late. In fact, in a rare feat for the exes referenced in Taylor’s music, Lautner comes away without a single bad word said about him.

As for Kanye, Taylor was initially willing to forgive him for the VMAs incident and approached the situation from a level of understanding. In her 2010 song “Innocent,” Taylor tries to speak to the rapper’s inner child and accepts that life can be tough, even at 32 — Kanye’s age at the time of the ceremony.

But this was far from the end of Taylor and Kanye’s run-ins, and she’d later hugely regret the forgiveness and grace she showed him here.

Almost immediately after breaking up with Lautner in December 2009, Taylor ignored the warnings from the people around her and started dating John Mayer.

John is 13 years older than Taylor, who was just 19 at the time, which is probably why her mom thought that she was “losing her mind” when she struck up a relationship with him.

Others told Taylor to “run as fast as you can” away from the singer, but she didn’t understand their problematic relationship dynamic until after the fact, and reflected on this in her 2010 song “Dear John.”

With hindsight, Taylor believes that John took advantage of her and treated her in a way that she was too young to understand. She found herself walking on eggshells, afraid of upsetting him because his moods were unpredictable. He would regularly flip between being warm and loving and cold and distant.

Taylor went so far as to accuse John of having a “sick need to give love then take it away,” and ultimately regretted their entire relationship, which ended in February 2010.

Four months after their split, Taylor had an awkward encounter with John when they were seated near each other at the CMT Music Awards, which inspired her song “The Story Of Us.”

She told USA Today: “‘The Story of Us’ is about running into someone I had been in a relationship with at an awards show, and we were seated a few seats away from each other. I just wanted to say to him, ‘Is this killing you? Because it’s killing me.’ But I didn’t. Because I couldn’t. Because we both had these silent shields up. I went home and I sat there at the kitchen table and I said to my mom, ‘I felt like I was standing alone in a crowded room.’”

And despite the age gap presenting a problem in her relationship with John, Taylor went on to date another older man at the end of 2010.

Jake Gyllenhaal has arguably faced the most scrutiny of any subject of Taylor’s work, with the backlash intensifying last year following the release of “All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)” and its accompanying short film.

Taylor was 20 and Jake was 29 when they began their on-again, off-again relationship, which has been referenced in several songs — including “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.”

The song describes Jake constantly “picking fights” as well as being obsessed with how he's perceived by others. And this preoccupation with appearing cool and trendy led to him regularly putting Taylor down, diminishing her interests, laughing at her aspirations, and rolling his eyes at her jokes.

Discussing the ex who inspired “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” Taylor told USA Today: “He made me feel like I wasn’t as good or as relevant as these hipster bands he listened to. So I made a song that I knew would absolutely drive him crazy.”

In “I Bet You Think About Me,” Taylor also exposes Jake’s fear of aging and no longer being “hip” before admitting that she was unable to fit in with his circle of friends. This also appeared in the All Too Well short film, where the woman protagonist tries and ultimately fails to fit in with her partner’s friends at a dinner party.

In the song, Taylor says that Jake’s “Brooklyn broke [her] skin and bone,” suggesting that trying to keep up with his coolness ultimately wore her down.

The pressure of the relationship was so intense that Taylor ended up breaking down in tears in the bathroom of a showbiz party in 2010, with it being widely assumed she was consoled by Anne Hathaway.

In “All Too Well,” Taylor refers to the woman who comforted her as “some actress,” but the timeline appears to perfectly coincide with Anne’s recollection of meeting Taylor.

The actor, who has worked with Jake in the past, said of Taylor in a 2015 interview: “She just seems to be following her heart. I met her — I hope it’s OK to say this — when she and Jake were together. She was 20 at the time, and we hung out one night. I was like, ‘You are a magnificent creature.’”

In addition to Jake’s obsession with seeming trendy, he was also insecure about his height while dating Taylor. The actor is 5'11", and Taylor is 5'10", and in her song “Begin Again” she references the fact that he didn’t like her wearing high heels.

Taylor described Jake’s family life in her songs, too, recalling his mom embarrassing him by showing her old photos and telling childhood stories about him on the T-ball team.

Earlier this year, Taylor also seemingly confirmed a long-standing theory that Jake was the first person she had sex with — and the moment happened at his sister Maggie Gyllenhaal's house.

In the opening verse of “All Too Well,” Taylor sings: “I left my scarf there at your sister’s house / And you’ve still got it in your drawer even now.” She later revisits the theme with the line: “But you keep my old scarf / From that very first week / Because it reminds you of innocence / And smells like me / You can’t get rid of it.”

Many believed that the scarf was actually a metaphor for her virginity, and in September, Taylor became visibly flustered when she was asked about its meaning at the Toronto International Film Festival. She confirmed that it was indeed a metaphor, and then awkwardly added: “Um…And I think when I say it’s a metaphor, I’m just going to stop…and I’m going to say thanks for the incredible question to whoever asked it, you’ve really taken us for a ride with that one, thank you.”

Jake also spent time with Taylor’s family and managed to win over her dad by telling “self-effacing jokes” over coffee. But Mr. Swift ultimately turned on Jake when he stood Taylor up on her 21st birthday, almost two months into their relationship.

This milestone event is the stuff of legend within the Taylor fandom, with the All Too Well short film reflecting Taylor being dramatically let down by Jake’s no-show at the party while surrounded by her innermost circle.

In 2014, a source told RadarOnline: “The day before — all was set — he was coming, no issues. But the day of, she doesn’t hear from him at all. No texts, no calls. Taylor thought maybe he was planning some sort of surprise. Nope. He didn’t show up and she locked herself in the bathroom and cried the entire night.”

And this is all but confirmed in Taylor’s 2012 song “The Moment I Knew,” in which she recalls being glammed up in her party dress as friends asked her about Jake before becoming bitterly disappointed and heartbroken at the realization he wasn’t going to show.

Ultimately, Jake broke up with Taylor because of their age gap, even telling her the relationship may have worked if they'd been closer in age. However, he ended up regretting the decision, repeatedly calling and begging for another chance.

In fact, Jake didn’t tell Taylor that he loved her until three months after they had broken up, and in “I Bet You Think About Me,” Taylor appears to find great joy in the fact that Jake realized that she is “harder to forget” than she “was to leave.”

Despite that small slither of solace, Taylor also admitted she battled with wanting to take Jake back while being unable to forgive or forget the pain he’d caused on her 21st birthday. To protect herself from reopening old wounds, Taylor ignored Jake’s texts and phone calls but expressed concern in “I Almost Do” that he would think she hated him or had moved on.

But it’s not all bad — Jake ruining Taylor’s 21st birthday inspired her to make a really big deal out of her 22nd, which is reflected in her song “22.”

The upbeat pop song follows “All Too Well” on the Red tracklist, and for years, fans had been confused by the emotional whiplash of that sequence. But when last year’s extended version of “All Too Well” provided additional details about Taylor’s 21st, her desire to reclaim her birthday via “22” immediately after the heartbreak anthem suddenly made perfect sense.

After Jake, Taylor went on to date Harry Styles from late 2012 to early 2013. They were widely reported to have had a brief fling in the spring of 2012, which came crashing down after Harry kissed somebody else in New Zealand. But they reconciled later that year.

In her 2014 song “How You Get The Girl,” Taylor admits to secretly hoping that Harry would show up at her door and apologize for the way that he had behaved while begging for another chance.

And it appears she got her wish, with Taylor revealing he did reach out again in the song “Style.” In the same track, she admits to being reluctant to give Harry a second chance because of his reputation, but she ends up being sucked back in by his charm.

(As a sidenote, Taylor previously acknowledged how obvious the subject of “Style” is thanks to its title, telling Rolling Stone: “We should have just called it ‘I’m Not Even Sorry.’”)

Harry and Taylor’s fame made their relationship difficult from the offset. In “I Know Places,” Taylor recalls “vultures circling,” with people desperate to get a piece of them.

In fact, Taylor became so exhausted by the constant attention that “Out Of The Woods” recounts a moment where she tried to end their relationship, believing she was “setting” Harry “free,” only for him to convince her to stay.

And in perhaps the finest example of the intel we get from Taylor’s music, the same song reveals that she and Harry were in a snowmobile accident together that, somehow, never got out to the press.

Fans were confused when Harry was pictured with a bandage over his chin in December 2012 following his and Taylor’s trip to a ski resort, but further details didn’t come to light until Taylor revealed them herself on 1989.

It turns out that the accident happened after Harry “hit the brakes too soon,” resulting in a hospital dash where they both cried as he got stitches.

Taylor later revealed that there were around four other people at the hospital who all promised not to tell anybody about what had happened, and — surprisingly — they were true to their word.

She also said she included the anecdote in the song to remind the press and public that they aren’t privy to everything she does. “People think they know the whole narrative of my life,” she shared. “I think maybe that line is there to remind people that there are really big things they don’t know about.”

Harry and Taylor broke up shortly after the snowmobile incident, but him later buying a house a couple of blocks away made her reflect on what could have been if he’d been able to commit.

It was around this time that Taylor’s feud with Katy Perry exploded. This was referenced in “Bad Blood,” where Taylor describes how their “mad love” for one another completely shattered.

While the pair were publicly friendly from 2009, attending birthday parties and joining each other onstage, 2013 saw them clashing over some backing dancers, and chaos ensued.

The story goes that three of the dancers on Taylor’s Red tour left before it ended so that they could join Katy on her Prismatic tour instead. Taylor told Rolling Stone that she felt like Katy had “tried to sabotage” her.

And this was reiterated in “Bad Blood,” where Taylor says that Katy purposefully “hit” her where she was “weak” and claims that she’d never recover from the long-lasting wound of the betrayal. Taylor also references her upset over this betrayal coming from someone she’d shared such good memories with.

While Taylor appeared to insist that she and Katy would never be able to resolve their issue, time proved to be a healer, and Katy had a cameo in Taylor’s 2019 music video for “You Need To Calm Down,” which the two women hoped would be “a symbol of redemption and forgiveness.”

But the same truce has not yet been called between Taylor and her former best friend Karlie Kloss, who Taylor seemingly confirmed that she’d fallen out with in a 2016 essay for Elle.

While the exact details of the fallout are unclear, it appears that Taylor caught Karlie speaking negatively behind her back.

In her 2020 song “It’s Time To Go,” Taylor sings: “When the words of a sister come back in whispers / That prove she was not in fact what she seemed / Not a twin from your dreams / She’s a crook who was caught.”

After their fallout, Karlie would subtly align herself with Taylor’s enemies — including Kanye, Kim, and Katy — through pointed Instagram captions and comments in interviews. Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton later claimed that Karlie had leaked personal information about Taylor to Scooter Braun, whom Taylor has since branded her “nemesis.”

Many Swifties are also convinced that the 2020 song “Closure” is about Karlie. If this is the case, then it appears that Karlie wrote Taylor a letter to apologize while the singer was spending time in London with boyfriend Joe Alwyn.

Karlie seemingly acknowledged that she was in the wrong and expressed guilt over how she’d treated Taylor. However, Taylor has no interest in forgiveness and said that even seeing the model's name on the correspondence caused her pain.

Taylor accused Karlie of issuing a “fake” apology in order to absolve herself of the guilt from the past so that she can move on.

Meanwhile, Taylor and Karlie’s fallout appeared to coincide with Taylor’s breakup with DJ Calvin Harris, whom she dated for 15 months between 2015 and 2016. But despite the pretty lengthy romance, there’s very few songs about Calvin in Taylor’s discography apart from the aptly named “I Forgot That You Existed,” which appears to reference their split.

The breakup came shortly before the climax of Taylor’s infamous feud with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West over the rapper’s song “Famous,” which includes the controversial lyric, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous.”

At the time, Kanye insisted that Taylor had approved the line, but her publicist maintained that she’d not been made aware that he’d refer to her as “that bitch.”

In July 2016, Kim uploaded a Snapchat video documenting a phone call between Kanye and Taylor, in which they discussed the song and she appeared to give her approval — however, it didn’t show Kanye consulting Taylor on the use of the word “bitch.”

As a direct result of the leak, Taylor took an extended break from the public eye after her social media pages were flooded with snake emojis while the hashtag #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty began trending worldwide. She did not return to the limelight until the release of her 2017 album Reputation.

Here, Taylor reflected on what had happened between her and Kimye, and even admitted that until that point she’d been on friendly terms with the rapper since the 2009 VMAs incident.

Taylor believed that she was giving him a second chance and was left hurt when he stabbed her in the back. She was also convinced that Kanye deliberately recorded their conversation intending to set her up — something she referenced in the album's title track, “Look What You Made Me Do.”

In “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things,” Taylor points out that “friends don’t try to trick you” and accuses Kanye of getting her on the phone to “mind-twist” her. Later in the song, she reveals that one of the only people she could confide in at that time was her mom, who “had to listen” to all the “drama.”

She also believes that Kimye purposefully manipulated information to their benefit to bring her down while she was at her peak. In “Call It What You Want,” Taylor brands them “liars” and says she was completely caught off guard by the “overnight” demise of her reputation.

Taylor continued to call out Kimye in her subsequent albums, and in “Mad Woman,” she appears to suggest that the former couple’s mutual vendetta against her is what kept them together for so long.

In the song, she also suggests that Kim did Kanye’s “dirtiest work” by leaking the audio, before pointedly adding: “It’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”

But while Reputation highlighted her anger and desire for revenge on Kimye, Taylor later realized the pair would ruin themselves without her input.

Since #Snakegate, Kim has filed for divorce from Kanye, and his reputation has plummeted. In 2020’s “Long Story Short,” Taylor reflects on this and wishes she could tell her past self not to waste so much time on “petty” feuds, singing: “Your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing.”

Despite this, Kim and Kanye did drastically change the course of Taylor’s history and triggered some other important events that arguably led her directly to the happy and peaceful life she so values now.

As mentioned, Taylor broke up with Calvin shortly before the Kimye drama. And, as it all unfolded, Calvin made a series of shady comments about her, including the snipe that he is glad to be “free” from her, and wore sneakers designed by Kanye.

Taylor says she felt she was living “in the shade” Calvin was “throwing” at her lowest point and accused him of getting the “popcorn” the minute her reputation “crumbled.”

She added that she’d have behaved differently in Calvin’s shoes, remaining his biggest cheerleader even if he failed to sell any tickets to his concerts.

And this is particularly interesting because she later admitted to rarely spending time with Calvin and having little to no interest in his work.

In “Gorgeous,” Taylor says that Calvin is “in the club doing I don’t know what.” And the original lyric was just as telling: “I haven’t seen him in a couple of months.”

Taylor’s music also reveals that she actually wanted to split from Calvin long before pulling the plug but felt she “needed a reason” to leave him. So, she sought the “nearest lips” possible. Enter Tom Hiddleston.

The timeline of Taylor’s relationships with Calvin, Tom, and her current boyfriend Joe is confusing to even the most dedicated of Swifties, but her music does offer some insight into what went down.

Taylor met both Tom and Joe at the Met Gala in May 2016. At the time, she was still dating Calvin, and it was two months before Kim would leak that damning Snapchat video.

In short, Taylor purposefully tried to seduce Tom because she was looking for an excuse to end things with Calvin. As a result, she literally views the British actor as a “getaway car,” and in her 2017 song of the same name, she mirrors Calvin’s post-split remark about being free with a line describing feeling “the light of freedom” on her “face” once with Tom.

Interestingly, Tom is nine years older than Taylor, and in “Don’t Blame Me,” she admits to experimenting with older men and treating them as “playthings” for her “to use” at this point in her life.

This is a stark parallel to the way that she believes older men — such as John and Jake — treated her when she was much younger, suggesting that her past experiences had hardened her approach to dating.

Tom and Taylor spent most of their incredibly public but short-lived romance jetting around the world. In “I Did Something Bad,” Taylor suggests that Tom thought that he was doing her a favor by being in the relationship and viewed himself as her savior.

However, Tom’s desire for publicity led to Taylor questioning his intentions. According to reports at the time, Tom had asked Taylor to be his date for the Emmys, and when she expressed her concern about the backlash that came with their repeated PDAs, he didn’t back down.

Taylor ended up splitting with Tom over concerns he was using her status for his own benefit. But this also alleviated any guilt she may have felt about publicly calling him out in her songs, pointedly saying “if he drops my name then I owe him nothing.”

Despite the bravado, Taylor does appear to show some remorse in “Getaway Car,” where she repeatedly says “sorry” to Tom for how things panned out.

At the same time, though, she tells Tom that he should’ve recognized the relationship was a very obvious rebound from Calvin. In a clever reference to their first encounter at the Met Gala, Taylor says: “Should’ve known I’d be the first to leave / Think about the place where you first met me.”

And while she initially chose to date Tom after meeting him and Joe at the same time, she remained in touch with the latter over the summer and they began dating in October 2016.

Interestingly, Joe and Taylor seemed almost destined for each other, as “Bad Blood” was the first song he heard after landing in LA for the first time on a trip where he also happened to dine at her favorite restaurant.

When they finally did meet, it was the sound of his laughter followed by an English accent that caught Taylor’s attention. And while she played it cool at the time, she actually went home and googled his name.

She has also admitted to drunkenly poking fun at Joe’s accent as well as purposefully avoiding him because she was so overwhelmed by attraction. In fact, the attraction was so intense that she even had mixed feelings about him being available. On the one hand, she’d be jealous of a potential girlfriend, but, on the other, at least then she wouldn't have to decide whether to act on her feelings.

It isn’t clear whether Taylor and Joe overlapped with Tom in any way, but she has revealed that the pair played “cat and mouse” for a few months while they sussed one another out.

Despite Taylor clearly being secretly obsessed with Joe from day one, her 2019 song “Cruel Summer” suggests they had a more casual arrangement at the start of their relationship, with Joe being pretty blasé about the whole thing and both of them “playing games.”

In fact, Taylor became so concerned that Joe was leading her on that she almost ended things. But when he called her up and laid all his cards on the table, she took the plunge and jumped into the relationship.

In a bid to escape the publicity that her love life normally attracts, Taylor went to extreme lengths to keep their dates private and would take back entrances into dive bars to avoid being spotted.

Keep in mind, this was all going on when Taylor’s reputation was at its lowest. She had completely retreated from the spotlight after the Kimye feud, and one of the reasons that she trusted Joe is because he didn’t care that her public image had fallen apart.

And Joe ended up being the silver lining to this dark period in Taylor’s life. Despite experiencing the “worst times” of her professional career, she admits in “Call It What You Want:” “I’m doing better than I ever was.”

According to her songs, about one month after Taylor and Joe officially started dating, they escaped to a cabin together so she could process the Kimye drama. In a poignant callback to her time with Tom, Taylor invited Joe to join her with the caveat that he must understand that he doesn’t “need to save” her.

It was during this getaway that Taylor managed to find a way through the emotional turmoil of the summer and realize that she would eventually overcome it. And it seems that Joe was the wake-up call she needed to see that there’s more to life than fame and professional success.

In contrast to the glitz and glamor of showbiz, Taylor’s relationship with Joe is built on normalcy and embracing the little things of the everyday, right down to the mundane intimacy of cleaning up after a party with somebody who you love.

In fact, much of their time together is spent privately with their inner circles. In “Paper Rings,” Taylor reveals that she’d taken part in Joe’s long-standing family tradition of jumping into a freezing cold lake on Christmas Day after he encouraged her by taking the plunge first. In the same song, she reflects on how they’d painted a wall for Joe’s younger brother together.

“Lover” also highlights domesticity as a key component of their relationship, with tenderness and affection expressed in seemingly inconsequential situations like having friends stay over and making new traditions in their shared home.

And their normalcy is most exposed in “London Boy,” where Taylor details bonding with Joe’s close friends in London pubs over rugby and “stories from uni.” Through Joe, Taylor has also realized that she doesn’t care about expensive things and would rather just enjoy quality time together.

In “Invisible String,” Taylor reveals that she and Joe blend into the everyday so well that when they marked their third anniversary with a special lunch, the server didn’t realize who she was and instead thought that she was a regular woman who bore a striking resemblance to a pop star.

But just because Taylor can sometimes pass for a civilian, it doesn’t mean that she is. In fact, she’s often concerned that her relationship will collapse under the pressures of fame.

At the beginning of her relationship with Joe, Taylor questioned whether they were “stupid” to think that it could work out. In “The Archer,” she expresses her fear of deliberately sabotaging the relationship. In “Peace,” she’s scared that the drama surrounding her will eventually push Joe to leave.

“Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" Taylor repeatedly asks him.

This fear is reiterated in the 2017 song “Dancing With Our Hands Tied,” where Taylor reveals that she had “a bad feeling” about the “world” tearing them apart when she was ambushed by paparazzi after months of hiding out with Joe. However, she carried on with the relationship regardless.

Ultimately, being with Joe has encouraged Taylor to take a step back from the limelight and enjoy a more low-key life. But it’s arguable that, were she not knocked from her pedestal by Kimye, she likely wouldn’t have been able to give the relationship the privacy it needed in order to survive.

The two have now been together for six years, and it seems like Taylor truly believes that Joe is The One, with the bridge of “Lover” literally consisting of wedding vows.

In fact, Joe ended up changing Taylor’s entire concept of what love is, with the star admitting in “Daylight” that she used to think love was “red” — fiery and passionate — but it’s actually “golden, like daylight.”

And it is a good thing that Taylor had established that genuine love and support from Joe by the time that she hit another low back in 2019, when she was betrayed by Scott Borchetta and Scooter Braun.

Scott helped launch Taylor’s career by signing her to his record label when she was 14 years old, and they worked so closely for 15 years that Taylor viewed him as family. But the relationship completely imploded when Scott refused to sell Taylor the master recordings of her first six albums before brokering a secret $300 million deal with Scooter in a move she’s called her “worst nightmare.”

Speaking to Rolling Stone at the time, Taylor said of Scott: “I thought I knew what betrayal felt like, but this stuff that happened with him was a redefinition of betrayal for me. To go from feeling like you’re being looked at as a daughter to this grotesque feeling of ‘Oh, I was actually his prized calf that he was fattening up to sell to the slaughterhouse that would pay the most.’”

And Taylor’s 2020 song “My Tears Ricochet” appears to be about this betrayal. In one standout line, she says that Scott had “turned into [his] worst fears,” suggesting that he’d once vowed not to become a stereotypical moneygrubbing record industry exec. She also mused that the pain he caused her would “ricochet,” leaving him with “sleepless nights.” This prompted her to cleverly describe her masters as “stolen lullabies.”

Taylor also told Entertainment Weekly that the song reflects on the fact that “this person that you trusted more than anyone in the world is the person that can hurt you the worst,” which is probably why she found herself unable to leave the situation “with grace.” She also maintains that no matter what had happened between them, she never deserved the “pain” that Scott caused.

She goes on to suggest that Scott prioritized trying to save his own skin in the fallout from the deal with Scooter, and that he will eventually regret his decision to choose profit over her, realizing that he should have kept her in his life — and career — forever.

This concept also appears in “It’s Time To Go,” where Taylor describes “begging” Scott to let her buy her masters until her “knees bled.” But she realizes now that although his “greed” secured her “past” for himself, she has the future — and that’s all that matters.

Scooter also doesn’t get away unscathed, with Taylor previously claiming that he had “incessantly bullied” and “manipulated” her for years — and had encouraged his clients, including Kanye, to do the same.

Taylor alludes to this manipulation in her song “Mad Woman,” where she accuses Scooter of purposefully antagonizing her until she retaliated in his bid to publicly brand her as “crazy” and “angry.”

She also suggests that Scooter exploits other singers for his own benefit and uses them as stepping stones in his career, even taking a jab at his personal life.

The 2020 song references cheating and preceded reports that Scooter had been unfaithful to his then-wife, Yael Cohen Braun, and had an affair with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Erika Jayne.

So, as you can see, through epic songwriting skills and generous oversharing, Taylor has gifted us so much behind-the-scenes intel over the last 16 years.

We don’t yet know how many more hidden details lie in her new release, Midnights, out today. But I for one cannot wait to find them. ●

9 notes · View notes

ssamie · 3 years

Text

six. BESTFRIEND

suna rintaro x fem! mitsuri reader

(kny x hq)

warnings: spelling mistakes, 2k+ words, italicized words/ sentences are her thoughts, mitsuri’s hair+eye color was used.

gen masterlist. sakura mochi.

the next day after their rather interesting meeting with obanai, y/n had come on through the doors looking absolutely battered. "y/n-chan, what happened to you?!" atsumu shrieked as he watched her bandage-covered form enter the gym

she looked up at the team in confusion as they all started huddling around her, fussing and asking questions in concern "eh? what's wrong? are you guys okay?" she asked once they backed away to give her space

"are you okay? you're covered in bandages" suna retorted with an irked brow as he gestured to her battered body

"oh, that" she hummed in realisation "i got these from training yesterday" she explained "it's not really as bad as it seems.. obanai-kun just sorta went overboard in patching me up" she chuckled sheepishly

"are ya sure?" osamu asked "ya didn't really come home last night"

"i stayed with my friend shinobu-san last night! im sorry for not informing you earlier" she said as she bowed apologetically " 's fine. just text us next time, yeah?"

thus, their practice continued on as usual. except for the twins occasionally looming over her shoulder and continually pestering her.

"gosh, the twins are really at it today" aran grunted in exasperation as he watched the twins bicker "what're they even fighting about?" ginjima sweat dropped "i think its because osamu keeps missing his tosses" aran answered

"hm?" y/n hummed as she overheard their conversation

it's not like she hasn't noticed them fighting. well, how could she when they were doing it right beside her.

"well, i guess it is kinda hard to stay focused all the time.." she mumbled as she thought over all the missed hits by osamu "osamu-kun might be tired, if anything.." she said

"no." atsumu scoffed at her claims. "any piece of trash who can't score with those sets should just let someone else play already." he scowled

"eh?? don't be like that, tsumu-kun" she cooed nervously. she looked up at suna and aran, who were both sinply watching the exchange with unsurprised expressions.

"oi! atsumu, don't say it like that" ginjima said as he watched atsumu's retreating figure. atsumu didn't utter a word as he continued on walking, heading for the door to make his exit.

"tch." osamu scoffed as he slowly rose up to his feet, staggering lightly as he prepares to run towards the blonde

"why you.. abusive tyrannical pig!!" he exclaimed as he raised his foot to kick his twin's back

"!!!" ginjima paled as he watched atsumu fall forward with a nervous smile, while aran simply eyed them down with no emotion.suna wordlessly whipped out his phone, recording them as they tackled each other to the ground

'ah, this might be the wrong time to think of this...' she thought to herself

'but samu and tsumu look so hot when fighting!!!' she squealed internally

'THEIR MUSCLES!! THEIR BACK!! THE ARMS!! HEHEHE'

she giggled flusteredly to herself as she cradled her blushing face

'osamu-kun looks like a dorito.' she nodded with a huff as her eyes raked down the boy's back

"y/n-chan.. are you okay?" aran laughed nervously. he stared at her, blinking slowly as he watches her cover her nose as if she was fighting off a nosebleed. "couldn't be better!" she answered back with a bright grin as she gave him a thumbs up

"ah, 's that so.." aran sweat dropped. "you look impossibly red at the moment"

"its because i had a nosebleed, aran-kun!" she answered back, just as giddily as she sent him a dumb smile. she uncovered her nose, revealing a lone drop of blood dripping from her nostril

"jesus christ, y/n." he sighed

"hey" suna called out to her

"hwi swuna kun" she mumbled out as she continued to chomp onto her snack. surprisingly, this time it wasn't sakura mochi, and instead was a whole cup of ramen.

they didn't really know why she had a cup of ramen sitting around, but they didnt question it.

"can i have that" suna asked as he nodded towards the bag of chips situated on her lap "oh sure.." she said as she reluctantly reached out to hand him the snack

"uh. are you sure you want me to have 'em..?" suna sweat dropped. she stiffly nodded as she plopped the bag of chips onto his palm. although she didn't let it go and continued on gripping onto it.

"of course! i-im.. not that hungry anyways.." she reassured him with a smile "its fine, bunny. i can tell you want 'em" suna chuckled nervously

"eat them." she demanded as she opened the bag and shoved it in his hands

suna nodded and munched on the chips, eyeing her pitifully as she sulks while finishing the rest of her ramen. "are you still hungry, bunny?" suna asks tauntingly as he waves around a piece of chip by her face

"no" she huffed, puffing her cheeks up as she cradled her stomach, which was currently rumbling from hunger "say ah" suna laughed as he pressed the chip onto her lips

'HAH?! IS HE GONNA FEED ME?!' she screamed internally

'AGH, SUNA RINTAROU YOU ABSOLUTE MAN OF MY DREAMS, I WILL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY'

she opened her mouth, waiting for him to feed her. though much to her confusion, the food never came. instead, suna swirled the chips around, prompting her to chase after it like a dog, all while wearing a taunting smirk on his lips

'hawshakha this is embarrassing!!' she thought to herself

she covered her face with her twin braids out of embarrassment as she hesitantly followed his hands "hmph." she huffed as she leaned in, and impatiently chomped onto the chips

suna froze in his spot as he watched her dive in to snatch the chips from his fingers. he could feel her soft lips accidentally encaging his fingertips as she pulled away, leaving his skin slightly damp from saliva

"fuck that was hot" he blurted out

"..." she stared at him with her doe eyes, her pale green orbs boring through his olive green ones, as she continued munching on the chips

"me?" she asked

"no." suna answered with a straight face. "i meant the gym. it's hot, right?"

"uh, i guess.." she muttered with a raised brow "anyways. wanna see the twins' fight?" he cleared his throat as he pulled out his phone "hm.. i think i have some videos on my phone too" she hummed as she scrolled through her gallery

"though, most of it is tsumu-kun lip syncing to sensual songs" she said

"not that i mind!!" she giggled menacingly as she scrolled through the never ending album filled with atsumu's thirst traps "atsumu-kun looks good here.. " she muttered flusteredly "here too.. suna-kun, look! his hair is tied up here" she said as she showed him a very unwanted video of atsumu's thirst trap

"i don't wanna see that" suna grimaced "but you gotta send me that. this is godly." he chuckled darkly to himself

"look at the fucker biting his lips" he sneered as he watched atsumu bite his lip flirtatiously "giving me very much frat boy vibes. this dude looks like he has whiteclaw flowing through his damn veins"

"i have much more videos, suna-kun" she said as she opened another album "except these are mostly fights and random pranks i pulled on them with mrs. miya" she explained

"send them to me" suna pleaded

"of course!! but uh-" she cut herself off as she nervously handed him her phone "i don't have your number" she reasoned

'hehehehhe,, type it in type it in!!' she squirmed in excitement as she watched suna enter his contact information

'one step closer to being his wife!' she mentally patted herself in the back as she smiled in triumph.

"thanks for these. yer the best, bunny" suna cooed at her

"this is some great blackmail material." he smirked "no problem!" she squeaked out, still too enamoured over the half-assed selfie suna took to put in as his contact photo

"you're officially my new best friend" suna said through a yawn

she froze in surprise as she looked at him with sparkling eyes, looking absolutely lovestruck as she relished in her new title "really?!" she whisper shouted

"mhm." suna grunted "now lemme sleep on your lap, bunny." he requested "its a best friends thing we should practice more often" he hummed out as he laid his head on her lap

"typical platonic stuff." he smirked cheekily

she nodded in response, too flustered to even reply a simple 'okay.' "catch ya later" he said as he shut his eyes and falling almost instantly. she grinned in excitement and clamped her mouth shut to contain her squeals, being careful enough not to stir him awake

'ah, this is it! i've finally found my future husband!' she thought

'after years of searching!!' she squealed internally

'i can't wait to tell obanai..or shinobu-san! or my mom!.. wait she's dead..'

she hummed giddily as she combed through suna's hair, playing with it and shaping it as cat ears just for the fun of it. she was feeling perfectly fine. that is, until it had finally dawned her.

"wait." she blurted out, her eye twitching ever so slightly

"did i just get friendzoned?"

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afoolnottoloveu · 3 years

Text

moonlight ♡

Summary: Spencer wants to go to sleep, but Reader doesn’t wanna break tradition (WC: 1.6k) {Masterlist <3}

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (intended she/her but technically gender neutral)!Reader (could be read as platonic or romantic!!)

TW: none!

A/N: i was supposed to post this on the 29th.. we dont talk about it its okay its fine everythings all good, I ALMOST FORGOT thank you to gracie for beta reading this!! she’s the first one on the taglist at the end if you wanna check out her amazing work as well mwah, n e ways enjoy :0

Playlist Pairing: it’s not a singular song this time, listen to the inspo playlist here! 🌘

You rushed up the stairs, praying to some deity that you would catch him before he sent himself to bed or was too immersed in some book to answer the door. JJ had called you 7 hours ago, so it wasn’t surprising that you somehow didn’t notice the time passing, plus the fact you had to get gas for your little trip.

Rapping at the door insistently, you were delightfully startled when Spencer opened the door only a few moments later. He was still in his work slacks and button up but tie-less. A quick glance behind him and you could see he had been making himself tea, and the satchel by his feet couldn’t have been dropped more than 10 minutes ago.

“Peanut?”

You were too elated that you had caught him to respond, instead opting to attach yourself to his torso. “You’re back! Oh my gosh, I was so worried you wouldn’t make it back in time, but luckily JJ called me that you were getting back today, but that was over like 7 hours ago, and then I got worried I wouldn’t make it here before you went to bed--” you rambled, but Spencer quickly brought you back down to Earth by removing you from his torso.

“Y/N! What’re you doing here?”

“We’re going on a drive, duh!” you said, before grabbing his wrist and making it halfway out the door before being pulled back.

“Now? I just got home from two back-to-back cases, and it’s almost midnight.”

“Spence, we can’t break tradition now! Unless Mr. Eidetic Memory forgot what tomorrow is--” you interrupt yourself with a very exaggerated gasp, earning an eye roll from Spencer.

“Of course I know what tomorrow is but--” Knowing he would only go on and on to list reasons why he shouldn’t come with you, you used your last resort, the “puppy dog eyes.” All Spencer did was stare at you, both of you knowing fully well that he was capable of resisting, but he didn’t like to. After a whole minute of unnecessary intense staring at each other, Spencer let out a groan and turned around to walk away, which you thought meant that he was going to bed. Instead, you were pleasantly surprised when you heard him half-yell from across his apartment, “I’m just getting my keys!” You squealed excitedly, knowing what was ahead of you both that night.

Your car was small, a basic silver Toyota corolla you named Carrie. She smelled of gas and was decked out with teddy bear head pillows and keychains that you asked Spencer to buy, hanging from the rearview mirror, (but only from the cool states). You even kept a tan knitted blanket in Carrie, which Spencer was now wrapped in.

You couldn’t help but notice Spencer’s infatuation with the moon tonight, as he took a long sip from one of his two cups of hot cocoa you guys had picked up on the way.

“Is it a full moon?”

“No,” he said--not in a rude way, just quietly and quickly, like he didn’t want to take his focus away from the moon or it might disappear.

So, you let him be. He was most likely tired, and despite tomorrow, which most people would be restless for, he probably just wanted rest. You almost felt guilty, but your tradition was important to you, and you could only hope that it was important to him as well.

“Did you know the full moon is one of the most powerful symbols in astrology? It can represent one’s emotional instincts, habits and private aspects of one’s personality. It’s said that while the sun sign of someone represents their head, their moon sign represents their heart. Though, most astrologists say the moon is heavily compulsion-based. Similarly, someone’s sun sign depicts their actions, but their moon sign depicts their reactions,” he told you, still gazing, almost longingly at the moon.

“I didn’t take you for an astrology type of guy, Doctor.”

“I have knowledge in many areas, Y/N, I thought you knew this by now.” You snickered at the understatement. “If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating,” he quoted.

“Plath--are you flirting with me, Doc?”

“Never, peanut.”

You rolled both your eyes and the windows of your car. Hopefully the blanket and cocoa was enough to warm him. All you wanted was to not blow out his eardrums as you turned up the music. Night Changes by One Direction was playing, and you reminisced on the fact that he originally had never heard of the band, causing your binge session, which consisted of watching their documentary and listening to all 5 of their albums straight. He told you he thought they were okay and he saw the appeal. What he didn’t tell you was that his favorite album was Midnight Memories, but if the way he was humming along to the song now was any evidence, you could’ve been a profiler.

You two listened to your playlist, made specially for the tradition, (Spencer insisted you always pick the music on these trips, since you weren’t very interested in classical piano) and besides the melodies, a comfortable silence encompassed the car for the most of the ride. As the road started to incline and your destination started getting near, you broke it.

“Can you believe-” you started, earning Spencer’s gaze from the sudden conversation, “Can you believe the audacity the calendar has, to change dates in the middle of the night, just like that, while we’re sleeping?” Spencer couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out from him. “Like tomorrow… You’re gonna wake up and, and you’re gonna be one year older.” When you said this, you couldn’t help but steal a look at him. He wasn’t making eye contact, just fidgeting with his fingers, but the small smile was there.

“Just like that,” you finished, as you pulled onto the edge of a hill.

When you showed up at his apartment the night you got your driver’s license, you found this spot. This was your guys’ cliff. The one you guys found on accident, when your car ran out of gas on your first night of the tradition. The same one you guys have had a handful of picnics at and late night rambles about both of your favorite things. Covered in the blanket of light that the moon so graciously provided, it was perfect, and it was both of yours.

Parked atop the hill, you turned off the car and turned to Spencer, who went back to admiring the stars. You were just about to tell him that you would be right back, but you decided he was a little busy, and so you quickly shuffled to grab the box he wasn’t aware was hiding in the trunk.

He finally noticed your disappearance when you came back with a lavender gift box in your lap and an excited smile on your face. “Oh Y/N, you know you didn’t--”

“Save it, Spence. Just open your gift,” you demanded, shoving it into his arms and the smile on your face only lingering. He rarely received real gifts, only for Christmas. You were essentially his only non work friend, and he told everyone at work that he never wanted nor needed anything.

He repeatedly blinked, yet carefully removed the lid. He first saw the small brown envelope which contained a gift card for the local coffee shop near his apartment. Underneath that and the matching lavender tissue paper, he found a tie of no other color than purple and two pairs of socks, one of colorful stripes and the other of baby tardises. (You knew nothing about Doctor Who, but he appreciated the references.) The whole time smiles adorned both your faces. The last item was a copy of The Alchemist. It was one of the main books you two had bonded over, and only a few weeks ago, someone had spilled coffee on their copy. Spencer was against buying another one, saying he could literally recite it in his head word for word if he ever wanted to again, but you stubbornly insisted that it didn’t have the same sentiment, (and of course you were right).

He took the book out the box and held it by the spine as he flitted through the pages, taking note of the annotations, your annotations. When done, he closed it and only opened the cover, finding your heartfelt message.

Dear old dear old Spence,

I know you’re probably gonna read this in .02 seconds, and probably right in front of me at that. Unless we broke tradition. But I trust that I convinced you. (It was the eyes, wasn’t it?) Regardless, I wanted to wish my very, very best friend a happy birthday. You alone are so strong for going through all that you’ve gone through, stuff that no one should have to even imagine. You are one of the strongest people I know. You need to know that I’m proud of you, Spencer. I’m beyond grateful for you, for having such a caring, resilient, and just incredible friend as you. I hope I don’t need to remind you that I will be here for you, through anything and everything. See you in 500 years :)

Love, with all my heart, Peanut

In only a handful of seconds, he shut the cover once again, and the happiness (and slight gleam) in his eyes became painstakingly evident. “This is your copy?” He asked, mostly rhetorically, because he knew it was. At this point, he was lightly sniffling between words. “Thank- thank you, peanut,”

“It’s no problem Doc,” you smiled and lightly punched him on the shoulder, “happy birthday, Spencer. I’m glad we didn’t break tradition.” And by the look on his face, well- you were no profiler, but you could safely assume that he was just as glad.

Taglist: @bxbyspxncer @goldenxreid @prettyboy-reid @rottenearly @rainsong01

#criminal minds fic #cm #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #matthew gray gubler x reader #mgg x reader #fluff #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #y/n #oc #platonic!reader #spencer reid imagine #theas originals #there are no words to describe how much i hate doing tags

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oingo233 · 3 years

Text

ABBA with The Marauders

Summary: Blurbs of what listening to ABBA would be like with the Marauders. Because yes, I’m a firm believer they were little dancing queens.

Authors Note: Pls why did I go so crazy with this, I guess I didn’t realize how badly I needed the Marauders and ABBA content till now, the beast has been awoken. All songs are linked by the way. This little blurb was a wonderful request, which I was so excited to write! So thank you, little anon friend <3

****Dancing Queens!****

- They are very private about their love for Abba. Just because they know they would get teased relentlessly(but secretly I think a lot of the Gryffindors would love ABBA and Hufflepuffs are shameless about ABBA) Also it was a muggle band so the band wasn’t t very common amongst witch/wizards.

- They fell in in love with ABBA because James heard Lily listening to them one day. He spent weeks figuring out what band it could be until Peter recognized the tune, it was ABBA.

- James then did a deep dive into their music to impress Lily and figure her out, but accidently got caught singing atop the bed by Sirius. Sirius stood and stared for a while, mouth agape, but then he broke out into a huge smile, took a picture of the frozen and blushing James, then scrambled onto the bed and sang just as passionately beside him(despite the fact that he could only really mumble the lines)

- When Remus and Peter walked in they shared a long hard look with one another and then burst out laughing. It was all giggles and poking fun at the pair until Peter’s favorite song by them started to play, People Need Love (ironic I know, but tell me I’m wrong).

- He stopped laughing immediately and his face went dead straight. He jumped up onto his own bed and dramatically took ahold of the bed post, swinging from it with one hand, and using the other as a microphone he began to sing. All the other boys watched in shock, until a huge smile formed on all their faces. Remus rolled his eyes before joining in.

- Ever since that day it has been ABBA mania for them.

- When Lily found out, her and Sirius defiantly sang Does Your Mother Know to James. Who was both flustered, turned on, amused and shocked. He thinks about it often with a dumb smile.

- Lily also listened to ABBA with them frequently after that, and her feelings for James only grew harder to ignore (not that she really wanted to ignore them, his singing voice was quite charming after all).

-They totally drunkenly debated about whether Dumbledore and Minnie listen to ABBA and what their favorite song is. (They of course listen to Abba, Dumbledore’s favorite song is Fernando and Minnie likes Money, Money, Money)

- Hello, Dumbledore and Minnie so get a little tipsy in his office and twirl around and dance together singing My love, My life and SOS like dramatic lovers (despite their very platonic friendship)

- For every 17th birthday in the friend group, the birthday person was woken up with the song Dancing Queen and then shoved outside with a blue boa to promptly sleepy dance into the “new life of seductive adulthood, according to ABBA at least”

- Sirius ALWAYS sings the part “You’re a tease and you turn him on. Leave him burning, and then you’re goooonne” while holding the blue boa and dragging it around the birthday persons neck and shoulders before throwing it up in the air and running, screaming the rest of the lyrics with the others.

- Their favorite song to listen to when drunk is Eagle. They proceed to turn it all the way up, and flap their arms while they run in circles and pretend to be eagles. Nothing can convince me that they wouldn’t feel free and spiritual in this song, and are total dorks.

- If a new ABBA album dropped they would all get together to somehow purchase the muggle record. They all have to pinkie promise not to listen to a chord of it until later that night...at the Listening Party (which they throw for every new ABBA albums release).

- They’re giggling all day about it, and chatting about what they think and expectations. After dinner they all race to the boys dorm, Lily included. Their robes trailing behind them because they’re FULL on sprinting and giggling, just so excited. When the arrive they each take their respective time to get ready.

- James emerges in blue bell bottom flare pants, an ABBA shirt tucked into them. Lily emerges in a matching outfit, they bought each other the shirts for Christmas after all. But James’s breath still hitches every time they come out matching.

- Sirius ties his Gryffindor tie around his forehead like a headband, very sexy, and he is wearing blue flare pants as well, no top at all. But he did write ABBA across his chest with black eyeliner (which he found 5th year and started wearing it when he feels extra confident, so sporadically throughout the month. Girl and boys swoon for that man even more whenever he does and he eats it up.)

- Remus emerges in a 70′s denim jacket with ABBA painted on the back, he is also wearing the blue bell bottom pants because Lily bought them each a pair for Christmas and they all wear them every party since (and look awesome!).

- Peter is wearing his pants too, of course, his school shirt tucked in and his robe flipped inside out to reveal sparkly blue fabric.

- James very carefully alines the turntable’s turnarm and the music fills their dorm. They listen to the record 2 times, at least, each party. The 1st is for them to lounge around and close their eyes and take it all in, and to learn some of the lyrics for what comes next. The 2nd time is when the record plays fully and in the silence they all get up and smile at each other, giggling once more. They talk animatedly about what they heard until Sirius struts back over and plays it again.

- This time they all are up and dancing. Everybody is swinging and dancing with everybody. Lyrics screamed at the top of lungs, and the walls vibrating with the sound. They’re jumping on beds, grabbing hairbrushes and singing into them. They dramatically act out songs to one another. Sirius takes guitar solos, James does the drums, Remus pretends to do the piano, and Peter and Lily hold each other and sing dramatically. They become ABBA.

- These parties always end up with everyone sleeping in an exhausted dog pile. Lily always finds her way to James in her sleep and he smiles softly, kissing her forehead. Everyone sleeps with a smile, they’re rock stars in their dreams.

- They are caught often humming ABBA songs in class the next morning.

- One day Remus was having an awful day, he felt bad about himself and was just miserable. In a lame attempt to get away he locked himself in the bathroom, so he can berate himself in peace and not worry about burdening the boys, or that is how he thinks of it anyways.

- But Sirius and James know this. So suddenly Remus hears Chiquitita start to play. The boys start to sing along, first Sirius sings “ Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong. You're enchained by your own sorrow. In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow “ Then James joins in “ How I hate to see you like this. There is no way you can deny it. I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet.” They sing the chorus together so loud that Remus has to open the door and tell them to shut up, but he is smiling and stopped crying. He was happy.

- One day Sirius debated whether he should cut his hair like Benny Andersson, everyone begged him not to. “Please, god no!”

- On the last day of school, Sirius Black softly grabbed Minnie’s face and smothered her cheeks in kisses. Behind him, Peter, James, and Remus started to scream then played When I Kissed the Teacher. The whole class was hooting and cheering as they ran away, laughing loud enough for the whole school to hear. Minnie was blushing mad, simply appalled. She gave 4 last detentions that day.

- At James and Lily’s wedding they played I do, I do, I do and they all looked at each other, stopped in time for a moment, before they all rushed to the dance floor and did a beautiful dance number. Many of the guest were stupefied “Looks like they’ve been doing that dance for while.” one said.

Oh they have no idea.

#the marauders #the marauders fanfiction #young marauders #young remus imagine #remus lupin #sirius black #young sirius black #james potter #young james potter #peter pettigrew #lily evans #young lily evans #jily #the marauders headcanon

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hydra-collector · 4 years

Text

touch

AO3

Ship: Analogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders

TW: drinking mention, panic attack, food

Words: 1796

Summary: Neither Virgil nor Logan are particularly touchy people, but they become more and more comfortable with it as they grow closer.

Note: High school AU

“Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you consider us friends?”

“I mean, yeah, we’re sitting at the same lunch table and we’ve pretty consistently talked for like, a month. It doesn’t take too long for me to consider people friends.”

“Ah. Do you mind if we make an agreement for how we should proceed in our friendship, just to lay out some ground rules so neither of us overstep a boundary or don’t know when someone needs help? It could really be anything.”

“Oh, sure, I guess. Do I get to add on?”

“Considering friendship implies that both sides are as important as the other, I think it would be inappropriate if I didn’t let you.”

Logan began pulling out his binder, taking a piece of scrap paper from inside. He scribbled a title and the beginnings of a list.

“First thing, I would prefer if you didn’t take my glasses. Some people do it quite often as a joke, and it’s extremely irritating, especially considering I can barely see without them.”

“Okay, teach. How about… if I have a panic attack you- no, I can’t ask you to-”

“If what you’re asking is just that you’d like me to help you, I don’t see why that’s unreasonable.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Logan tapped his pen on the table as he considered what to add next.

“You can ask me for help on your homework, but I won’t give you answers.”

“Damn it.”

“You have to learn the material, Virgil.”

“Fine. So, if either of us has a crush or something, the other person will try to give them the courage to tell them.”

“That’s fair. It’s something friends usually do, right? I don’t have very many.”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Okay, next thing. If I text you asking where you are, whether we were going to meet up or I’m simply concerned, you have to answer if you can. I had a friend at one point that didn’t respond and it turned out that they’d been getting drunk, and no one was even with them.”

“I can promise I’m not gonna get drunk.”

“Wouldn’t you appreciate someone that makes sure you didn’t get abducted or something anyway?”

“...Yeah, I guess.”

They sat there for a moment, both trying to decide what to add. Virgil looked up for a moment, seeming to think of something.

“Okay, so do you have any problems with touching?”

“Touching?”

“Yeah like, would it bother you if I tapped your shoulder to get your attention, or pulled you by the hand to get you to go somewhere, or hugged you if you have a mental breakdown or something?”

“I don’t have any particular qualms about it, but I do find it awkward if I don’t know someone very closely. Are you specifically affectionate with your friends?”

“Nah, I’m pretty much like you. I guess if it happens, it’s usually fine. Although I’d prefer it if you asked during panic attacks.”

Logan nodded, noting it at the end of the list.

“Anything else?”

“That’s it, I think.”

Virgil sat beside Logan, hand holding up his chin as he neglected the bangs covering his eyes. They were set on his homework, a pencil resting in his other hand.

“I understand what I’m doing now, but I still don’t get how. Do I put this here or-”

Logan pushed Virgil’s hand to the other side of the equation, copying the number there instead.

“It doesn't go beside the va- Virgil, are you alright?”

He wore an odd expression on his face, looking between this hand and Logan.

“Oh, yeah, I’m… continue, I just zoned out for a second.””

“Okay. It doesn’t go beside the variable because…”

Virgil caught up with Logan, who was seemingly heading home. He had a bit of money he’d been meaning to spend after school, and who better to share a meal with than Logan? He’d never eaten the school lunches (to be fair, neither did Virgil) but he wasn’t sure if he brought anything today, so he likely hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He usually brought lunch, or snacks at least, especially with his lectures about good eating schedules.

“Hey, Lo.”

“Hello, Virgil.”

“Wanna go get something to eat? I’m feeling particularly altruistic. Plus, nobody’s home right now so I’ll have no one to hang out with.”

“Well, I suppose I don’t have anything to do. Except homework. I always start on my homework the moment-”

Virgil rolled his eyes, grabbing Logan’s arm and bringing him to the bus stop at a jog.

“Virgil-”

“It takes you what, an hour to do your homework? You can spare a little time to hang out and chill with me. Do you go anywhere like, ever?”

Virgil dropped his arm when he realized he‘d been holding it. He busied himself by pulling out bus money.

“Plus, we can go to that cafe you told me you liked. It’ll be fun.”

“I go places, Virgil.”

“When was the last time you went somewhere that isn’t your house, my house, or school?”

“...Six weeks ago, I believe.”

“My point. Get on the bus.”

“Today was awful.”

“It's only lunch, Virgil.”

Virgil put his head on his folded arms, silently hoping lunch would never end. He was pretty sure he just failed three tests and was about to fail another. He should probably employ study help from Logan, but he was so exhausted. And hungry. Aside from the tests, he’d forgotten both to eat breakfast and bring his lunch, which was probably another contributor to his awful mood.

“Are you going to eat? That usually seems to help if you’re feeling negatively.”

“Don’t have my lunch,” he mumbled through his sleeves.

“You can have mine. You told me earlier you have a test after lunch, you need it more than I do. I’m not very hungry anyway, I wasn’t even planning on eating it.”

“Oh. Are you sure?”

Logan fumbled through his bag, pulling out the box he kept it in.

“Sure.”

Virgil slid over, opening the box. He felt an arm wrap loosely around his shoulders. It wasn’t quite a hug. Virgil leaned slightly against Logan, eating quietly, unable to tear his mind off of the warmth in his chest.

No, no no, not that song-

Words of death, destruction, and misery pounded at his head, trying to get in. Calming thoughts, he tried to replace them with. Think of beaches, and fluffy animals and Logan instead of-

Logan? Does Logan make you happy? Well we’re friends, friends- he doesn’t love you, he never will, not even platonically, you’re having such a fucking reaction to this-

“Virgil, can I touch you?”

Logan? Logan’s still here? Tell him yes, you need him- someone.

He managed a nod, feeling warmth cover his ears, felt Logan’s hands press them, blocking out the words. He leaned closer to the source of the warmth, burying his head as close as possible.

Is that okay? Will he hate me?

“Virgil, could you tell me about where you are and what you were just doing before this happened? Please remember where you are, the song isn’t real.”

“W-we’re in your room. I came here, because- because there wasn’t anybody home today and- and you s-said I could come talk and we- we were talking about music and we played My Chemical Romance but then they started playing that and I couldn’t breathe and I need my-”

He groped around for his backpack, digging desperately until he found his headphones. He put them on, holding them tight to his ears. Logan took his phone for him, opening YouTube because Virgil wasn’t really going to be able to use it at the moment with his hands so shaky.

“What do you want me to play?”

“Um- s-sometimes I listen to Be Calm when I have a panic attack but if you just wanna put some album on that’s fine too-”

He tried to breathe, feebly asking Logan to do the pattern, who tapped it out on his hand. He let the music consume him as it filled his ears. He leaned forward when it had been enough to calm his breathing back to normal. Logan wrapped his arms around Virgil, holding him closer than they’d ever dared to be before. Virgil barely even noticed, just glad to have something warm offering comfort. After a while, he hugged him back, feeling his body relax a little from the touch.

“Thanks, Lo.”

Fuck fuck fuck-

Virgil swore he was going to tell him today. He was going to say “I like you” and then get rejected or not. Simple. If he was rejected, their relationship would go back to normal and they would forget it even happened.

Will it go back to normal? Will he think you're weird or something and stop being friends with you?

He had to tell him.

Virgil had followed him to the bathroom. He knew it was a stupid idea, but he wouldn’t do it if he waited until after lunch, and he was pretty sure no one but Logan even used the bathroom next to the lunchroom.

“Logan can I talk to you?”

“Friends typically converse, so I don’t see why not.”

Do it quick. Don’t give yourself time to overthink it.

“I, um, I get it if you don’t- I’ll just- like you.”

“...Don’t people usually interact with those they enjoy the company of? I assume you would like me, based on the amount of time we spend together.”

“Like… romantically.”

There was a pause as Virgil looked at the floor, prepared for rejection. He would've seen the blush on Logan’s face if he dared to glance up.

“Of course, I get it if you don’t feel the same, we can be friends still, or if you don’t want to be friends anymore that’s fine too-”

“Would you like to kiss me?”

Virgil finally looked up, finding that Logan had approached him, standing close before him. He felt the warmth on his cheeks and could see it darkening on Logan’s face as well.

“...Yes.”

“Then please do.”

That was the invitation he needed, barely waiting a moment to crash his lips against Logan’s, his heart somersaulting and his mind wondering if this was possible.

He couldn’t help but press harder, turning them around so Logan was pressed up against the wall. He pressed his chest closer until he wasn’t sure it could get any closer. Logan’s glasses were pushed up by Virgil’s nose, his hands reaching up towards Virgil.

“Virgil-”

“Virgil can-”

“Do you want me to stop, I’m sorry, I can stop-”

“No just- will we have to come up with a new agreement?”

Virgil laughed quietly. “Oh, I guess. What, like boyfriend rules?”

Logan leaned back towards Virgil’s lips.

“Something like that.”

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #analogical #ts virgil #ts logan #sanders sides fic #ts fic #tw food #tw panic attack #tw alcohol mention #kissing #grays fics

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adoregoldenharry · 4 years

Text

Wrong People Sometimes

A/N: Kinda of stuck in a lot of places right now. Trying to get a few negative thoughts out of my head onto here. Please let me know what you think. lots of love. [not my gif]

Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever felt like meeting the one person that you know in your heart is the last person you will every romantically lay your eyes on?

That was how I felt.

The two of us were singers in a world of media and heartbreak. In a overcrowded city with too many cars, and too much pollution. The city of cameras and red carpets. The city of rumors and regulations, according to where exactly you lived.

In this city I met Harry. He was one of the purest people I had ever met. I mean that mentally of course. I had heard things about him and how experienced he was and that he was no stranger to females in the industry. I didn’t like to look at him from that angle. The same one in which everyone looked at him. He was more than that and I knew it from the moment we both saw each other.

I had met him at a small cafe in Los Angeles where I lived. I was aware he lived there too but I just had never seen him previously.

I remember walking in prepared to order some drink my friend from yoga had been boasting about since our first class. I ordered rather quickly that day hoping not to be seen by anyone because I was tired of trying not to break my body in my morning yoga class. I turned to move out of the way and bumped into someone swishing their coffee from their hands onto the floor.

“I am so sorry, oh my gosh,” I blabbered while reaching for some napkins nearby as I had gotten some of his now spilled drink on his shirt. I felt so bad for ruining this mans nice and very stylish tee shirt. “Don't worry about it love its fine,” a deep voice rumbled through the man. Whether he was singing or having a normal conversation most people would be able to tell who he was. I sure was able to.

“Harry? Harry Styles?” I spoke lowly, not trying to blow anyones cover.

He looked around and then back to me nodding. “Yeah, wait a second. You’re Y/N, I love your new album it’s fucking amazing. Shit sorry,” Harry apologized. I giggled and stuck my hand out to him.

“Thanks, I love yours as well.” He grinned and showed off his immaculately shaped dimples.

We had a short conversation outside after I insisted on buying him a new drink to which he continued to refuse. I bought it for him anyway. We talked a little bit about our busy schedules and upcoming plans for our careers. Something us celebrities usually did upon seeing each other in public, weirdly enough.

After about fifteen minutes we had given out numbers and promised to keep in touch. We absolutely did that.

For months to come we had hung out multiple times every month. From dinners to movie nights in on the couch. Harry was my breath of fresh air. He was the person I chose to spend all of my extra time with and he did the same with me. Or so I had hoped anyway. He was always the first to call and ask if we could see each other. It made me feel like he cared and he wanted me like I had eventually wanted him.

Speculation occurred in the media after so many photos of the two of us spending all this time together circulated. His fans jumped right on it trying to dig up anything they could. Both of us stayed rather quiet about our friendship. We thought it was a little humorous to see what everyone would come up with.

“Wont you just come with me please Y/N. It will be so much fun,” Harry whined. I rested my hands on my hims with a smug smile on my face. It had been about a year and half since the beginning of our close knit friendship.

“Harry I can't, I have to finish up the last couple of tracks at the studio.” I watched his face twist into a pout, making me giggle. He was like a little puppy that wouldn't take no for an answer. He would always do this. Make me drop everything for him, yet I always let it slide.

“Please baby,” Harry whimpered. I tensed up at his words. He had never used that pet name before. Mostly because we have a platonic relationship and because he just hadn't. “Harry I-”

I looked at him before I could finish my sentence I saw that adorable, pleading look on his face. I sighed and nodded. To which Harry jumped up from the couch dancing around my living room carpet. “You are such a doofus.” I agreed to go with him on a two week long trip to Italy for a much needed getaway. Harry said I needed to go because he needed to show me something special he had come across last time he had been.

That two week vacation was everything with him. There was one night in particular that I would never forget but I wish I could. He had taken me around the beautifully lit streets of Venice during the night. We had a candlelit dinner in one of the fanciest restaurants between brick walls.

Harry was acting weird that night. He was fidgeting and his hands would shake here and there. I asked him if he was okay and he told me ‘he would be’.

After the dinner he led me to a small bridge. I leant against the railing looking down on the water where gondolas floated by with people sharing romantic moments. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. I smiled and brought my hand up to his hair playing with his curls. “Come on.”

We walked down to the small dock. I gasped when I realized what we were doing. “Ready?” I nodded stepping in after him into the small boat. A man soothingly singing Italian tunes behind us while steering us down the canal. I giggled and clapped my hands together like a little girl. Harry chuckled at how excited I was. He placed his hand at my side and pulled me close into his side. I looked at him with big eyes. A smirk adorning his beautiful face.

His hand came up to my chin and pulled my face close to his. In a split second our lips met. The second they touched everything changed. I knew that and god did I love it, but I also feared it.

I deepened the kiss and let him hold me.

That night we had become different people. Now that I think of it, it was just me who had changed. We had officially become one that night. It all felt like a fever dream. My life felt perfectly made. I had the career, the money, and the man that I wished for all of my life. I felt like I filled what was missing.

Every night after was like the last. We had come out as a couple not too long after Italy. Everyone seemed to have an idea that this would be coming with how much we had been hanging out before then. The internet ate us up with every moment from when we stepped out of our houses together. Pictures of us slapped onto the internet from all over I smiled every time I saw a cute picture of us smiling and holding hands.

I thought I was in love.

“That’s not where you said you were going,” I huffed. Harry sighed and raked his hands through his hair. “Not this again Y/N.”

“Why not, you drill me about other men. Why can I not do the same?” I took a sip of my water in a glass. Harry was becoming visibly more frustrated with my interrogation. He was pictured roaming around LA with one of his exes. I would not have a problem with it as long as he had told me about it. Yet he decided to ignore the thought I guess.

“Jus’ please get over it okay. It’s done, what do ya want me to do? Text you about it now? I presume not,” Harry stomped to the kitchen. Heading toward the fridge to put his now leftovers away from his secret lunch. “I just don't understand what was so hard about sending me a quick text. I had food made for us here as well. Would’ve saved the serving for another time.”

“Fuck Y/N sorry okay!” Harry shouted making me jump and drop my glass. It shatters all over the floor. I mutter and ‘shit’ and bend down to pick up the shards with a towel laying on the counter. Harry bent down helping me clean up the mess. “I think I'll just head back home now,” I grabbed keys from the dinning table heading towards the door.

“No Y/N wait.” I ignored him gently shutting the door behind me.

Things only got worse from that day. We didn't speak for about two weeks. I was hurt that he didn’t try and contact me all that time. I didn't try to call him either but I assured myself it was because I was busy with my next album. I was missing one more song. I was having the worst writers block.

It was a Friday night and I had been surfing through entertainment channels. I stopped upon one of the more popular ones. They were talking about the latest behind the scene montages for new movies. I hadn’t been paying much attention until they started a new story.

“Has the world’s most loved former boy band singer found another romance? What happened with him and Y/N L/N?”

My heart stopped. They showed pictures of Harry walking down a cobblestone path with a blond in an all too familiar place. One that I had been to months ago, with him. It was her. The one who he had seen at lunch two weeks ago. I almost kept myself together until the next picture dissolved onto the screen.

It was Harry and the girl on a small boat floating down the same canal that we shared our first kiss on. Silent tears fell down my cheeks. I wiped them quickly and sniffled. I stood up with my blanket wrapped around my shoulder. I grabbed my small black notebook and headed up my stairs to my bedroom to let the lyrics flow freely.

I remember getting texts from Harry endlessly that same night. He had seen the news and he wouldn't stop calling. He send message after message saying that he was sorry. That he didn't know what he was thinking by taking her there. Harry said that he regretted every decision he had made that ever ruined us.

I never replied to him.

I turned off my phone and set it on my nightstand.

He may have ruined us, but I wrote a song that would ruin him.

I guess I was never really in love.

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kpop---scenarios · 4 years

Text

Soulmates.. Funny Aren't They?

Commissioned by: @kpopularstolemylife

Warning: Language, Angst

Genre: Soulmate AU

Pairing: Kwon Jiyong x Reader

Word Count: 4.5k

"Come on Y/N," Namjoon chuckles as the two of you mess around on the soundboard. "We haven't collabed since we first debuted. That was how long ago, it's time." He smiles, looking at you with pleading eyes. That was one thing other than rapping that you knew Namjoon was phenomenal at, getting his way with his sad puppy dog eyes and pouty lip.

Years ago the two of you the two of you trained together under Big-Hit entertainment and you still remembered the day Namjoon looked at you with petrified eyes as the instructor you both had yelled at him for his rather awful dancing. That's when you knew the two of you would be close friends, your dancing as well as his was not the greatest so that was something that the two of you happened to bond over. You lost yourself as you remembered the Long Count with the hours you and Namjoon spent in the dance practice rooms trying to nail the choreography that they had given you. You shuddered at the memory of constantly messing up the routines and having that your teachers glare at you with such impatience.

You're brought out of your memories by namjoon nudging your shoulder lightly, looking at you with pleading eyes yet again.

"Come on Y/N, let's do it for old time sake." He smiles.

You can't help but to laugh. "What about Yoongi, Jin, Hobi, Suga, Tae and Kook? Aren't you guys working on a new album? You can't just abandon it." You say rolling your eyes.

"Album is done, it's not being released for a few months, they're all doing their own things right now. Plus you said that when our careers had taken off you would.. and we're both doing pretty fucking good" He says, looking hopeful.

"Fine." You sigh, throwing your hands up. You can never resist his charms, which is surprising considering how clumsy and awkward he can be.

"So what did you have in mind?" You ask, standing up to wander to the couch at the back of the room.

You hear Namjoon clear his throat before mumbling something that you only catch part of.

"What was that?" You ask.

"Soul...mate." he says, his eyes trained on yours to watch your reaction. He knew how you felt about soulmates and how you felt about not yet having found yours. He was always nervous to bring it up around you considering the last time you had a bit of a meltdown about it.

"You know it's fiiiiine that I haven't met my soulmate yet. It's fiiiiine that the seven of you all have found yours and are happy and in love and whatever. It's fiiiiine." You cry as you pound back your large glass of wine. Namjoon and the rest of BTS, except Jungkook, along with their soulmates all stared at you with wide and uncomfortable eyes, unsure of how to handle the situation.

Soulmates was not a topic that was often brought up around you anymore.

"Why does it have to be about this particular subject?" You groan, burying your face inside a pillow.

"Because love songs are our thing, and you know I love you and will be your partial soulmate if you want." He says standing up and extending his arms for a hug.

You groan again as you crawl off the couch and begrudgingly walk into his arms with a pouty face. "You know Chaeyoung wouldn't like that, in fact she keeps shooting me dirty looks so you should really stop joking about it around her." You laugh, wrapping your arms around his waist.

You had become close friends with all the members in BTS but you just seemed to have connected more with Namjoon, he was your best friend. The two of you were oddly similar to one another, frequently saying the same thing, always having almost the same thought, it was scary sometimes. The rest of the boys continuously joked about the fact that it seemed like you and he should have been soulmates since you were so in sync all the time, the two laughed it off.

Although Namjoon's actual soulmate did not find it funny anymore. From the beginning you felt as though she wasn't a fan of you but she hid it from everyone else quite well. As time and the jokes went on, her dislike for you became hidden hatred, the only one really oblivious to it was Namjoon. It wasn't until you had told him everything and he went home and spoke to her, where she confirmed that he finally understood. He set boundaries but you were his best friend, he wasn't about to drop you for anyone and Chaeyoung knew it. She knew Namjoon loved you and her in completely different ways, you only ever being platonic but it was hard for her to be understanding about it considering soulmates had such a strong and envious connection.

"Uhmm." The two of you hear, both turning your heads towards the door to see an angry looking Chaeyoung. You could feel Namjoon tense up as he released you from his arms, sheepishly smiling as he walked towards his love and wrapped his arms around her lovingly.

"Hi baby." He whispers in her ear.

You couldn't wait for that feeling. The feeling of being completely and utterly in love with someone and having them feel the same about you, only having eyes for you. You yearned for it on the inside but on the outside, you acted as though you were fine being on your own. You were a bad bitch, it was true but you wanted your special someone, you had waited long enough.

"Fuck you two are cute. I want that." You pout, annoyed by the happy couple. "Get out of my face." You laugh, walking past them. "I'll see you on Sunday to start recording." You say to Namjoon before squeezing past them. "You've got a good one Chaeyoung." You smile. Before you round the corner you can hear her reply, saying she knows she does.

That makes you smile. If anyone deserves someone to love them back harshly, it was Namjoon.

That night you hoped for your soulmate. You'd always told yourself to leave it up to the universe, he'll be revealed to you when your time has come but you'd been patient enough and you were ready now. That night, and the next night you tried to dream of what he was like, or looked like, but as usual you couldn't see anything, the man was a blur.

Sunday evening you arrived at the studio to meet Namjoon. Your hand on the door knob you pause before opening the door, hearing a second voice you couldn't make out along with Namjoon's. You try to figure it out before opening the door but give up within seconds, deciding to just see who it is instead of trying to guess.

You smile at Namjoon who's looking at the door as you walk through the frame. Your eyes drift to your left where you see Jackson Wang standing beside Namjoon, an even bigger smile on his face.

"Hey you." Namjoon smiles, turning to fiddle with the soundboard.

"Hey." You say, Jackson's eyes still fixated on you.

"Hi Y/N, I'm a huge fan." Jackson says, walking over to you and extending his hand.

"Thank you." You blush. "I'm a big fan as well." You admit, your face is still red.

"Ooohk, shall we begin?" Namjoon chuckles, giving you an interesting look.

You had a hard time concentrating having Jackson stare at you. The sparkle in his eyes made your heart flutter. Maybe he was your soulmate? Although you had always heard from your mother that when you met your soulmate, it was a far bigger thing than what you were experiencing with him. Maybe for you it was different? You hoped you finally found him, if you were being honest, you now were tired of waiting. You wanted the special and amazing thing that you have seen first hand.

As the night went on, Jackson's presence made you more and more happy. Your heart beats increasingly more, a smile never leaving your face. You were almost convinced he was your forever but deep down inside you knew he wasn't. All you wanted was your forever

"So what brought you here tonight?" You ask Jackson, hours after you had finished recording.

"I was trying to convince Joon to do a song with me." He chuckles. "He's a tough man to crack."

"That's a lie and you know it." Namjoon intercepts. "I told you I was doing a song with Y/N and you begged me to let you come along so you could meet her. He's been talking about you non stop for the past few weeks. It's gotten to be a little much " Namjoon spills, locking eyes with an annoyed Jwckson.

"Dude. Not cool." Jackson says through gritted teeth.

You can't help but laugh and feel flattered that he wanted to meet you. It still shocked you that idols you had watched before became your friend and enjoyed your music, it was surreal.

Over the next few weeks, Jackson would randomly show up to Big Hit, always bringing you something. Flowers, chocolates, dinner. You were flattered, especially considering he had a bit of a reputation of being a ladies man. Usually getting what he wanted from a female before tossing her to the side and moving onto the next when he felt like he needed a fix.

Namjoon always shook his head in disapproval whenever Jackson showed up around Big Hit almost too often, and eventually Namjoon pulled you to the side to talk to you.

"Y/N, he's into you. Like really into you. Do you want something to happen with him?" Namjoon asks, genuinely concerned.

"The attention is nice, I'll admit that. But you know I want my soulmate." You tell him, knowing you need to let Jackson know. It wasn't fair to him to think he had a chance with you, when he most definitely didn't. You were tired of wasting your time on men who weren't going to be around for long, knowing you will quickly lose interest in anyone who isn't the one for you once you meet him.

That night you were at the BTS dorm, hanging out with all the members.

"So Y/N, you're ending it with Jackson?" Jhope asks, a small pout on his lips.

"We were never anything to begin with. I'm simply letting him know there's not a chance we will be anything but friends. All I want is my soulmate." You tell him.

"He doesn't care about that, you know." Jhope begins. "He will be with whoever he's into. He doesn't want to find his soulmate."

"That's nice for him, everyone can have their own choice but that's not mine. I want my forever." You sigh, knowing tomorrow you'll have to have the talk with Jackson.

"I think you should give it a shot."Jhope admits, shrugging his shoulders.

You didn't respond. You knew Hobi was a big Jackson fan and he would vouch for him any chance he got. Regardless it wouldn't change your mind about it. You knew what you wanted and that was it.

The next day, you were in the studio working on your upcoming album, when Jackson walked into the studio.

"Good morning beautiful." He smiles, seeing you sitting at the table concentrating on writing.

"Hi Jackson." You sigh. It's now or never. "Listen.." you begin. "Nothing is going to happen with us, except for being friends." You say. "I'm done with being with anyone who's not my soulmate."

I could make you happy Y/N." He smiles. "I could make you so happy. You'd be in such bliss you wouldn't even remember the fact that you wanted a soulmate."

"Jackson.." you start. You had to admit, it sounded good. You did like him, and it would be nice to be with him.

"Besides, who needs a soulmate." He scoffs. "It's all bullshit, there's no spark with some random person you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life."

"So.. you don't believe in soulmates?" You ask, genuinely surprised.

"Not a chance." He chuckles, leaning back in his chair.

"Well I do. I firmly believe there's someone destined for you, someone you're supposed to be with forever." You say, crossing your arms unimpressed.

"I'm sorry." He begins. You start to relax. "But you're delusional. Down right out of your mind if you believe that."

Your jaw drops at his words. You can't believe he would say that to you, because you didn't see eye to eye about soulmates.

"Get out." You whisper, taking a deep breath while looking at the ceiling, trying to not snap.

"Seriously Y/N? You're being a little dramatic." He laughs.

"Jackson. Get the fuck out of my studio before I lose my shit." You snap, now glaring at him.

"I'll talk to you later, when you calm down." He says, walking out of the room.

What a tool.

A few days later you meet up with Namjoon to listen to the final produced version of the song you made with him. You were still sour from your little meeting with Jackson.

"You're going to tell me your version or am I only going to get Jackson's where he tells me you were being unreasonable." He sighs, pulling you in for a hug.

"Oh I'm dramatic? Whatever." You say rolling your eyes. "I told him nothing romantic would happen between us and that I was waiting specifically for my soulmate. And he told me I was crazy for believing in it, I was delusional."

"Oh Y/N. That's definitely not what he told me, but I have to say I believe you over his story. I'm sorry." He sighs.

"Eh. It is what it is." You say. "Now, let's hear this song." You finish excitedly.

A few months later, you and Namjoon attended the Melon Music Awards as the song the two of you did together was nominated for a few awards. Honestly, you didn't expect it to happen but you were extremely happy and hopeful for a win or two.

"You look beautiful." Namjoon says, leaning over in his chair after you sat down. You were grateful to be seated with the boys. One downside to being a solo artist.

As the night went on, the categories you and Namjoon were up for came closer, and your nerves heightened.

"And the winner for best collaboration goes too.." the MC pauses. "L/N Y/N and Kim Namjoon of BTS! Congrats!"

The build erupts in claps along with yelling as the two of you stand up, enormous grins on your faces as you make your way up to the stage to accept your award. Unfortunately you were too distraught to make a speech so Namjoon took over for you.

"You know." He began chuckling. "It took a little bit of convincing Y/N to do this song with me. She was hesitant but I can imagine she's happy she took the leap. We want to thank everyone who helped create this song, everyone who voted for us and our fans! We wouldn't be here without you guys and we love you all! Thank you!." He shouts, before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and leading you backstage with him.

"We won!" You laugh as soon as you're out of sight of the audience. "I can't believe it." You say happily.

"It's a rush, isn't it?" Namjoon smiles, the two of you walking down the narrow hallway. As you keep walking, you get a feeling in the pit of your stomach, one you had never felt before. Your palms begin to sweat, your breath becoming harder to catch. You look at Namjoon worriedly, but notice the man who wasn't paying attention to you either.

The two of you collide, your shoulders thrashing against each other. You both pause, your breathing becoming shallow, you can hear him struggling as well. Looking up, you come face to face with Kwon Jiyong. Your eyes wide, you can feel the sparks shooting through your body, every pleasure sensor being set off at once. Your eyes never leave each other, they're forced together.

After what felt like an eternity, you break eye contact, your breath becoming easier to catch.

"You.. you're my." You begin, only to be quickly cut off and dismissed.

"Don't even say it, I'm fucking not." He snaps harshly before turning to storm away.

"What was that about?" Namjoon asks.

"That was my soulmate. And apparently he doesn't want to be." You say, tears brimming in your eyes.

Days, even weeks later you couldn't get the fact that your soulmate had denied you out of your mind. Why didn't he want you? Wasn't it supposed to be love at first sight? Needing to be with that person from that moment on, forever and always. Maybe Jackson had a point?

But that didn't stop you from attempting to get in contact with the aloof Kwon Jiyong. You obtained his number from Jungkook who was friends and a huge fan of his.

No response.

You showed up at YG Ent in an attempt to speak with him in person.

No luck. He refused to see you, even went as far as having security escort you from the building.

What did you ever do to him?

Jiyong was getting extremely annoyed at your futile attempts at contacting him. Why would you nog get the hint? He didn't want a soulmate, he didn't want you.

There was only one person he wanted.

Cha Haeyeon.

She was his first love, his first a lot of things. First kiss, first fuck, first break up and make up. The two of them had been through hell and back and he wasn't about to let her go for someone he didn't know, and didn't want to know.

Currently, they were broken up, again. This had been the longest that they were split, likely because she was with someone else at the moment. Jiyong knew that's what she did. Everytime they broke up, she went to someone else, likely to make him feel jealous that she wasn't with him anymore.

He didn't get jealous. Mainly because he knew she would be back. She wasn't able to stay away from him for very long, often cheating on the one she was with, with him. He never minded. It was her he wanted and he would do anything to make her happy.

Including denying his soulmate.

He was waiting at his apartment tonight, waiting for Haeyeon who had finally reached out to him asking to see him. He was excited, he knew what was going to happen and he was ready to have her back in his arms.

When she finally arrived, she didn't push herself on him for a kiss like she usually did. She walked past him to the couch, sitting down and avoiding eye contact.

"What's going on?" Jiyong asks.

"Look Jiyong." She sighs. "I need to tell you something." She says, fiddling her fingers. "I met my soulmate. We're getting married." She blurts.

"You met your soulmate?" He scoffs. "So did I and I fucking blow her off. For you."

"There's one more thing.." she whispers. "It's Seunghyun."

"TOP? My fucking best friend? You're fucking and marrying my bestfriend?" He snaps. "What happened to being together no matter what?"

"We decided it was time. We want to be together. I can't keep doing this with you. You're not the one I want anymore." She whispers.

"What do you mean time? How long has this been going on?" Jiyong snaps.

"2 years." She admits.

"We've been seeing each other for just over 2 years." He whispers. "When did you know?"

"The first night I met him is when we found out. We promised to wait and to keep it to ourselves until it was unbearable, and that time is now." She tells him. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He laughs, it lacks any humor. "Keep your fucking sorry." He snaps. "Get out of my house." He yells, storming out of the room, leaving Haeyeon to leave with things unsettled.

It had been weeks since Jiyong had basically denied you and your heart still hadn't healed, you also hadn't done anyone to try and help yourself. So that night when Jennie and Lisa had invited you out to a popular bar for idols, you happily agreed, hoping to clear your mind.

Walking in, you immediately spot the girls and head over to their table.

"Hey girl." Lisa smiles as you sit in the free chair, ordering a drink and a few shots to drown your feelings for now.

"You okay?" Jennie asks.

You half smile before you begin drinking.

A few hours later you're walking off the dance floor, heading to the bar to grab another drink.

And that's when you saw him.

Jiyong. He was very clearly intoxicated. He notices you quickly, must have felt the same flush of wariness you felt when you saw him.

You stare at him for a moment before trying to turn around as he starts heading towards you.

"Y/N wait." He slurs.

"What?" You snap.

"Is that anyway to speak to your soulmate? He chuckles.

"What do you care?" You snap. "You clearly have no interest."

"Don't be like that baby girl" he smiles, leaning in close before pressing his lips to yours.

You get lost in the kiss, everything else in the bar fades away, it's just you and him.

It's perfect.

Jiyong breaks the kiss, telling you he has to go but he'll see you tomorrow at the rehearsal for a performance many idols were doing.

He gave you one more peck before he left.

You felt like you were on cloud nine for the rest of the night, your heart constantly beating at a mile a minute.

You didn't sleep that night. You wondered what happened to make him come around to you. You didn't want to question it too much but it was something that was hard to ignore.

The next day you didn't see Jiyong for most of the rehearsal. You wondered where he was but were sure you'd see him soon.

Although there was a pair of eyes you could feel burning into you often.

Jackson. You still hadn't spoken to him since your fight. It was clear he wanted to talk to you and you wanted to clear the air. But that was for later.

You finally saw Jiyong later and in the middle of your rehearsal. It felt like a lifetime for it to end, but when it did you made your way over to him, a large smile spread across your face.

"Hi." You say as you approach him.

He doesn't respond.

"Are you okay?" You ask, reaching out to touch his arm.

"Don't." He snaps, pulling away from you. "Don't touch me."

"W-what? What's wrong?" You ask, extremely confused.

"You. Why are you everywhere?" He growls. "When will you get the fucking hint? I. Don't. Want. You." He yells. You can feel the tears welling in your eyes as you can feel the eyes of everyone in the building on the two of you.

"B-but last night.. you kissed me." You whisper, trying to control your emotions.

"Yeah and what a fucking mistake that was. You are not who I want. Get it through your head and leave me the fuck alone." He yells before storming off, leaving you standing alone, humiliated.

Wiping your eyes, you quickly try to escape this literal hell you're now in, only to be pulled back by a hand wrapped around your arm. You're pulled into a muscular chest with arms wrapping around your body, holding you close.

"Shh. I'm so sorry." A voice tells you. You immediately recognize it as Jackson.

"W-why doesn't h-he want me?" You cry into his chest.

"I don't know.. but he's an idiot. You're amazing and it's his loss. He has no idea what an amazing woman he's missing out on." He whispers, holding you tighter. "I'm so sorry."

You nuzzle your head deeper into his chest chest, your tears unable to stop.

"I would never do that to you. I would treat you like the queen you are. I could make you so happy if you would just give me the chance to prove it to you." He whispers, hopeful.

Before you can respond, you hear your name being called.

"Y/N? Y/N where are you?" You hear Namjoon yell.

"She's here." Jackson says, letting you go. "Think about it." he says to you before walking away.

Namjoon wraps his arms around you, pulling you in for an extremely comforting hug.

"Oh Y/N, I heard about what happened." He whispers.

"Please just take me to your dorm." You sniffle.

"Of course." He sighs, leading you to his car, his arm never leaving you.

A few hours later, you're curled up on the BTS couch in their dorm, a cup of hot chocolate made by Jin in your hands, and a blanket wrapped around you.

"So he kissed you last night?" Jimin clarifies.

"Yes."

"And then he completely humiliated you and hardcore denied you?"

"Yes Jimin, christ." You sigh.

"Sorry, just making sure I have the facts." He says, shrugging his shoulders.

"He's a good guy. He's just scared." Jungkook chimes in.

"From what I've seen, he's most definitely not a good guy. A piece of shit to be exact." You say. You can't believe Jungkook right now.

"Think what you want, but he's going through some shit right now. Just don't completely write him off." He says with a half smile before walking away.

"So what now?" Namjoon asks.

"Now I focus on my music. Fuck soulmates." You spit.

The last line makes you smile slightly when you think of Jackson and his extreme dislike for soulmates.

"Maybe I'll give Jackson a chance." You say shrugging your shoulders. "What's with him and soulmates anyways? He hasn't met her yet has he?" You ask, sipping your drink.

"Ahh. I was wondering when you'd inquire about that." Namjoon sighs. "Last year he found his soulmate. I won't name who it is, but she had been pining over someone for a very long time and it wasn't Jackson. So when the sparks flew, he was 100% on board but she wasn't. She denied him harshly, it broke him for a while."

"I thought soulmates were supposed to have an instant unbreakable strong bond." You say.

"They do. Usually. But very rarely, if the connection isn't strong enough for whatever reason, there's no hope." He sighs.

"So that's it for me then? Jiyong very clearly denied me and now I have no soulmate? My forever is gone?" You say feeling the tears coming on again.

Soulmates.. funny aren't they?

148 notes · View notes

my-happy-little-bean · 3 years

Text

Patton and the Fantasy Fair (It Is The Nature of Dreams To End)

pairings: LAMP/CALM (platonic/familial) words: 3543 warnings: mild swearing, nostalgia/dwelling too hard on the past, crying, mention of blood, angst summary:

virgil had mentioned the fantasy fair once, in a conversation that was meant to go nowhere, and patton had said the following:

“ ‘it is the nature of dreams to end’. "

or: the one where they all remember that weird amusement park in the middle of a park; and also, patton is missing.

a/n- hello! here's another addition to everyone's favourite series, ‘let’s indulge bean in their slightly low quality, very personal fics’ — aka the series i write for when i am exclusively procrastinating on writing anything else :p

today's story is brought to you by a rather haunting return to 'fantasy fair'; a real place i used to go to as a kid (if you search of fantasy fair and woodbine, you'll probably find pictures of what i'm talking about :')) ). it gave me a crisis, so naturally i had to write about it. also this is kind of a response to one of my earliest one shots in this fandom called "a light in every patch of darkness". it just feels a bit related to it, not sure why :')

finally, this story was inspired by two songs: "julia" by reeder and a cover of "never never land" by adam melchor. both are great, i would highly recommend listening to them :")

i hope you find some enjoyment in this weird, midnight ramble of a story. it's rough in a lot of places, but hey! at least it's in this place with you :')

[read on ao3]

---

“I know a place where dreams are born and time is never planned.

It’s not any chart, you must find it with your heart;

Never Never Land.”

-*-

“Has anyone seen Patton today?”

Roman lolled his head back against the arm rest he laid against, lowering the book he was reading and giving Virgil an upside-down smirk.

“He’s probably in his room,” he announced, as if he was the know-it-all. Virgil raised an eyebrow and Roman huffed, flipping over onto his stomach and pressing his elbow into the arm rest.

“Logan?” he called. He pressed his chin in his hand coyly. “Where’s Pat?”

“Well considering there are not many places where we are able to go,” Logan replied from the kitchen, “it is statistically probable that he is in his room.”

Roman waved his hand at Virgil, as if he was using the gesture to say “told you so!”. He flipped onto his back, head once again on the arm rest, and stretched his arms to lift the book above him. Virgil sighed as Roman resumed his reading, tugging on the strings of his hoodie.

“I dunno, it just seems unlike him to stay up there for so long.”

Logan crossed in front of him as Virgil rambled, as if his words intrigued him enough to leave whatever task he was finishing in the kitchen.

“I’m just worried, okay?” He scratched the back of his neck absentmindedly. “Are we really just cool with brushing this off as ‘normal’? Like, usually he’s awake before all of us — this morning he wasn’t even here.”

Roman’s snide smirk dropped slightly, and he brought his book to his chest. “He wasn’t?”

“Dude.”

“What?” Roman sat up slowly, throwing his arms up in an exaggerated defense. Virgil fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Look, everything Patton does is laced with some sort of muscle memory. Plus, it’s not like I’m the observant one or anything.”

Virgil looked over at Logan, silently pleading. Logan crossed his arms and pushed up his glasses.

“You are both right.” Virgil and Roman exchanged glances as Logan spoke. “Perhaps it would be of our best interests to visit him. Even if he is in there, as our suspicions assume, we can at least reaffirm our knowledge.”

“We’re going on an adventure then!” Roman sprung from the seat and immediately bounced his way to lead the group towards Patton’s room. “You should’ve just said so, Captain Books!”

Logan rolled his eyes, but followed Roman nonetheless. Before he could leave the living room, he turned around and faced Virgil, who was awkwardly standing in the same place. Logan frowned.

“Virgil? Is everything alright?”

No. That was the answer, plain and simple. Virgil couldn’t help but stare past Logan and towards Roman, still marching down the hall behind him.

Virgil knew the others couldn’t see it, but Roman was prancing across inky shadows, the trail to Patton’s whereabouts clouded with something he could only describe as a bad feeling. It sent chills down Virgil’s spine as Roman’s feet pressed into each blotch of black smoke, tainting his determined path.

He slipped his hood on and dug his hands in his sweater pockets.

“M’fine.” He spoke carefully, as to not let any echoes crack through his voice. “Let’s just get this over with.”

---

They stepped into Patton’s room one by one; only because they were each so awestruck by Patton’s room.

Fairy lights draped his walls as hazy curtains, woven between picture frames of varying sizes. Each happy face Thomas knew and love was illuminated by the gaze of the lights, each seemingly staring at every memory with a special kind of fondness only Patton truly understood. Stuffed animals and stacks of photo albums were scattered around every surface of his room, which glowed with the same kind of wonder that each Side was in some way familiar with.

“Ah, I am already loving this.” Roman clapped his hands together with a smile so dreamy, it made Virgil dizzy. “Padré’s room is the best.”

“Try and stay focused, Roman,” Logan mumbled, though he was even enthralled by some notebooks sitting on the coffee table he passed through Patton’s room– enough to pick one up and absentmindedly flip through it

Virgil, however, wanted to do nothing but stay focused. He felt like a strained camera lens, trying to focus too sharply on something, anything.

But nothing could draw his attention away from the door on the other side of the room.

It was cracked slightly open, and was seemingly the destination for the secret shadows he followed. They pooled around the floor beneath the door, as if beckoning anyone who noticed it to come inside.

Virgil had noticed the door before, but never under such a blatant spotlight — and certainly never left open. During the many sleepovers he had spent in Patton’s room, that door was merely a closet; stuffed and silent in the back of his mind and the back of the room. He always assumed it was as messy as Patton’s room already was, so it didn't really matter what kind of mess was inside it. Plus, Patton had reassured Virgil that it was nothing special; that it was just a door.

Just a door my ass, Virgil thought, taking any semblance of courage he had and pressing to his chest as he dared to march against the current of shadow against his feet.

Virgil passed by Logan on his way, who briefly glanced up from the notebook.

“Virgil? Where are you–”

He stopped right beside Virgil, who stood in front of the door that seemed much taller than he remembered, casting patches of darkness across the floor. Logan frowned.

“Strange,” Logan hummed. “I do not believe I have seen this door open before.”

“Samesies…” Roman drawled, walking up to Virgil’s side as well. Logan didn’t even seem fazed by Roman’s diction. Virgil narrowed his eyes at the door.

“Not to be dramatic or anything–”

“Hey! What’s wrong with–”

“–but if we’re looking for answers–” Virgil cleared his throat nervously– ”I think we’re going to find it in here.”

Logan and Roman looked at each other as Virgil slowly stepped forward. The shadows on the floor crawled up along the surface of the wood, chasing Virgil’s hand that slowly reached for the door handle. As soon as he made contact with the brass, the shadows squealed, making Virgil tense up as he watched them scatter off.

“Come on, Emo,” Virgil heard Roman say from behind him. “Thought you weren’t leaning into the dramatics today?”

Virgil gulped, and twisted the door handle, pulling the door open with a loud, eerie creak.

---

When Thomas was a kid, his parents used to take him to the Fantasy Fair; a strange, not-so-hidden park on the second floor of a shopping mall they visited every now and then. No one– not even Logan– had ever questioned why there would be a small amusement park inside a shopping mall; all that mattered was that it was there, and that it was awesome.

Every time Thomas had run under the arch leading to Fantasy Fair, Roman had twisted images in Thomas’ mind of stepping into another world. There were signs just about everywhere, pointing in every direction with that distinct carnival font – the one that reminded Thomas of the font he’d use to write essays, but with playful twists and curls at its ends.

The aesthetics of the Fantasy Fair varied in every spot. The makeshift “streets” that weaved their way around the park were lined with mini street lamps, fake trees, and...dinosaurs, for some reason. Hung from the ceiling were large stars, strung comically from different heights; as well as large, model aircraft—one plane and one rocket ship—that made Thomas and Logan wonder how cool it’d be to fly them. The walls that hugged the whole park were painted as the fronts of colourful houses, with balconies that spilled vibrant flowers and vines from its rails. Between these walls were many small attractions; a carousel ride, small booths with carnival games, the biggest jungle gym he had ever seen– and a ferris wheel.

The ferris wheel was Thomas’ favourite, even if he and Virgil were afraid of heights. Thomas had never understood why he was so drawn to it, but it felt like every corner he turned led to the ferris wheel; as if the world was telling him that the ferris wheel was the most important part, and that he had to follow the path it laid out for him to show him why.

It was probably his favourite because it was so bright. Each cabin of the ferris wheel was painted with bright colours, creating a makeshift rainbow as it spun around. There were lights screwed into the metal bars that made up its frame, with its cheerful music reaching every corner of the space and looping so many times, much to Thomas’ (and Roman’s) excitement. It became their favourite song.

But the coolest part, in Thomas’ opinion, was that it not only took up the most space on this floor, but on both floors of the mall. It was as if someone had carved a hole through the floors of the mall, just wide enough for the ferris wheel to fit in — as if every exception was made for it to be there.

Thomas loved the feeling of floating to the top in the red cabin—always the red cabin—so he could almost touch the skylight, which let light flood into the artificial lights of the indoor park. He loved the feeling of floating down just as much, going beneath the surface of the park and to the first floor, where the world’s creators had installed a small pond, surrounded by animatronic animals and a small waterfall near the front. He always marvelled at how odd it was, stuck smack-dab in the middle of the shoppers’ path, who would stop by and peer over the fence that surrounded the pond to marvel at him back. His nose would be pressed against the cabin’s windows, just trying to get a look at everything.

Because the park, however small it truly was, seemed so big, with so many things begging to be seen and admired. Thomas filled in the gaps of this world’s story; and in return, it seemed to make every part of his brain happy.

Especially Patton. It made Patton so happy.

---

“Holy...shit…”

Virgil didn’t even notice that Roman and Logan entered behind him, each walking up to meet his side.

Logan rubbed his eyes from behind his glasses, staring up at disbelief. “Is this…”

“Fantasy Fair,” Virgil finished for him. The name left his tongue as a breathy sigh, an empty rush of starstruck filling his chest. “Wow.”

Roman frowned, and Virgil noticed him discreetly grasp the hilt of his sword.

“I dunno if it’s me or if it’s ‘cause we are technically in Patton’s closet,” Roman said slowly, “but does it seem like...a lot more different than how I remember it.”

Virgil didn’t even have to respond to show that he agreed. Each of their memories of Fantasy Fair faded in their irises, now a smoke screen reflecting an unfamiliar space.

Maybe it was because they haven’t because they haven’t visited Fantasy Fair since Thomas was 12, but it looked like every friendly spark of joy had abandoned the park; just as Thomas did. The faux-street lamps lining the fake streets lost their glow, and dead moths who were waiting for that light to return were now laying still around its rims. Each bright bulb of light they vaguely remembered were replaced by beams of flickering fluorescent lights, revealing the artificial aura of every attraction. The paint on the walls of fake house-fronts were peeling, and the inviting carnival font was scratched and faded, with cobwebs of now-visible shadows hanging from the bottom edge of each sign.

It was as if nostalgia’s double edged sword slashed across the picturesque memory of Fantasy Fair; and used the blood to paint the image of a ghost over it.

“Remind me to talk to Pat about reconsidering his interior decorating choices,” Roman murmured, slowly walking past Virgil and Logan not letting go of his sword, still bound dutifully to his side. Virgil couldn’t help but pull Logan closer to him as they followed Roman further into the park.

Logan, rather than pulling his arm back, leaned into his touch.

“You know, I was always rather unsettled by the fact that such a fanciful place was just...in the middle of a shopping mall.”

Unsettled by a fact. Virgil winced at the tell-tale sign of danger.

As they continued down what they assumed was a familiar path, Virgil dared to look around him and wondered why Patton would hide such a grim version of the world they all loved so dearly. Surely it wasn’t hard to love this park enough that the same memory could exist; yet it was tainted in every corner, a brush of darkness sweeping across every spot. The stars Virgil marvelled at were falling at his feet, shadows chasing the spot of its descent and eating it up before he could even check for any semblance of its past glow.

Floating in the dead air of the world they used to love, was a familiar song; now a distorted and slowed ballad through the static of the speakers:

“It might be miles beyond the moon, or right there where you stand.

Just keep an open mind, and then suddenly you'll find

Never Never Land

“You’ll have a treasure if you stay there, more precious far than gold.

For once you have found your way there, you never, never grow old.”

To Virgil’s surprise, Roman humming along did not make it any better.

“I do not understand,” Logan mumbled, still closely tethered to Virgil’s side. “How could all of this exist without us knowing? Better yet, how does it exist like this?”

Virgil, for a brief moment, thought about his room; how these shadows had come to be his haunted friends, whether he liked it or not. Perhaps ‘friends’ wasn’t even the right word; they were just simply there, in an existence that ran parallel to his own. He thought of the corners Patton found inviting, ones that Logan found fascinating– even the ones Roman simply just enjoyed. None of those corners would exist without darkness.

Maybe that was the case here.

For better or for worse, they had ended up at the front of the ferris wheel. Of course. Logan cleared his throat.

“Patton?” he called out, his voice a sharp echo in the midst of the slow, out-of-tune piano that filled the space. Virgil’s grasp on Logan’s arm tightened.

And then, the ferris wheel came to life.

Slowly but surely, its rusted wheel began to spin. The light bulbs lining its frame flickered, hazy remnants of a familiar glow. Virgil could hear the animatronic animals he used to find comfort in moan; a sound that seemingly came from the hole that the ferris wheel broke through, which was now filled with a pit of black.

Lifted out of the darkness were the ferris wheel cabins; once coloured all shades of the rainbow, now darkened and saturated to an unrecognizable extent.

And in one of these cabins was Patton, who peered out his window

with tears of glitter and gold streaming down his cheeks.

---

Virgil had mentioned the Fantasy Fair once, in a conversation that was meant to go nowhere,

and Patton had said the following:

“ ‘It is the nature of dreams to end’. Logan told me that once, after I started having these nightmares of Fantasy Fair. I think they started after the mall security cop dressed as a clown for Halloween, and we ran into him near the carousel. Remember how much it freaked you out?”

Surprisingly, Virgil did not.

“Ah, I guess that proves my point then,” Patton laughed sadly when he told him. “We never went back to Fantasy Fair after that, and the life that existed before we left got stuck there; all frozen in an ice cube that would never melt.”

He averted his glance from Virgil.

“I say that the nightmares started after that clown, but I actually think they started a few months before that,” Patton admitted. “Thomas had just turned 12, and his parents offered to take him to Fantasy Fair for his birthday. You know what he said?”

Yes. Guilt clawed at Virgil’s chest.

“He said no.” Patton shook his head. “Said he was ‘too old’ for things like that.” In a more hushed voice, he added, “Whatever that means.”

He stared at the plastic stars on his ceiling.

“We used to dream of Fantasy Fair, every night,” Patton murmured. “The lights, the song, the ferris wheel– I used to be able to build an exact replica of the park in my mind. And in this park we dreamt of, there were no lines for the ferris wheel, and the park extended far above the skylight.”

Virgil frowned at the way the words left his lips in a strangely bittersweet way. Patton, on the other hand, smiled, rolling his head to the side, away from Virgil’s sight; towards his closet door.

“I don’t think I remember it the same way now,” Patton murmured, his eyes—from Virgil’s point of view—still fixated on who knows what. “The lights aren’t as bright, and the song is not as wonderful.”

Patton sighed. “I saw a flash of the colourful life Thomas had grown in, and…”

Virgil watched as Patton rolled his head over to face him once more, his eyes now twinkling with a soft, golden shine. Patton sadly smiled.

“And then the dream ended.”

---

There were a lot of things Virgil could say to Patton. In fact, Patton had probably already heard a majority of those things before.

“The past is never coming back.”

“You can only live in the present.”

“Everything is changing.”

But in this strange, abandoned park—in this strange, abandoned dream—it suddenly made sense why Patton had clung so desperately to the past, and why he refused to let go. The present was merely a skeleton for the past, which harboured the light and life within it. And without at least acknowledging it, all you really have is a dead, empty shell.

Patton so desperately wanted to animate the skeleton by using the only thing he had: memories. Memories of when his family was so close, where every part of Thomas was loved for a specific and obvious reason. There was no darkness, and there were no greys; just bright, sunny skies.

However, there was truth to the familiar attempts of reassurance. Everything was changing. Virgil could feel it shifting in his bones; Thomas was growing. And with growth, there was abandonment.

The dream Patton built was a desperate attempt to cling onto the bright memories of his family.

But with all of them so frequently divided, the dream had ended.

Virgil met Patton’s golden stare, and then at the absence of light behind it.

And he pushed past Roman and Logan, using all his might to leap towards Patton’s cabin and grabbing the long, metal handle of his door with both hands.

“Virgil!” Logan exclaimed, chasing after him as Virgil was lifted off the ground slowly, his heart racing as his grasp on the cabin door handle tightened. The added weight of Logan now holding onto his ankle certainly didn’t help, and he could imagine Roman would not hesitate to add to this chain. Virgil tightened his grasp even more; he couldn’t afford to be the weak link now,

He focused his attention to Patton, with sparkling tears lining his now-widened eyes. He was silent, and afraid.

“Please,” Virgil pleaded, finding his voice beneath layers of the same fear. “It’s not over yet.”

Patton brought his hands to his mouth and let out a sob so loud, Virgil could hear it from behind the door.

And then suddenly, the door swung open, Virgil nearly swinging with it. However, he managed to let go just in time for Patton to grab his hand, pulling him and Logan and Roman with an impossible amount of strength. Virgil didn’t question it, though; it made sense that Patton could carry them all.

They all poured onto the floors of the cabin, the door now closed and the song muffled behind it. They each gasped for breath, filling in the silence in the air.

And Virgil waited. He waited for the right words to come from Logan, or the reassuring serenade that Roman would, with no hesitation, deliver.

But when none of that came, he simply stood up, and sat beside Patton.

Eventually, they all found a seat in the cramped ferris wheel cabin, quietly tearing up at the sight outside their window that they forgot they even shared.

And as they were lifted into the air, they grazed the surface of skylight; now letting in a small droplet of sun.

-*-

“So come with me where dreams are born, and time is never planned.

Just think of lovely things and your heart will fly on wings,

forever in Never Never land.”

---

you can read some of my other stuff here :)

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #gabbie writes things #LAMP/CALM #platonic LAMP #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #thomas sanders fic

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a-kookie-with-my-tae · 4 years

Text

Decalcomania (Part One)

Pairing: Idol!Jungkook x SoundcloudArtist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: None. Smut in part two.

Word Count: 3,608

Masterlist. Part Two

Your stomach heaves with laughter as you watch your best friend almost drop the mixing container he was trying to toss around like a seasoned bartender. Almost falling into your drink on the counter, you sit down on the stool before looking back up at the man who put you in this condition. Jimin. He was in far worse condition than you, considering he had a few drinks himself before you had arrived, and you’re now both on your third glass.

Wiping the tears that blur your vision, you attempt to calm yourself. Here you are, sitting in a private bar with your best friend. Your best friend who may or may not be a member of the biggest boy group of our era, BTS.

You stare at him, recalling how you both had met.

You were at a karaoke bar, pretty drunk and Jimin was there to blow off some steam after the weekend of performances. He was in disguise at the time, and your tipsy brain didn’t think anything of it. You don’t remember much before the moment he recognized your voice, though. You were singing some old pop song when you locked eyes with him, recognition in his features even though you didn’t know each other. At least, you didn’t know who he was.

You had recently gained a big following on your SoundCloud account, which made your songs pretty popular. You’ve never shown your face, but you have a pretty distinct voice, which is why you never tend to sing in public. Except for this time.

He said he recognized your voice because one of his bandmates is a fan. He didn’t specify who, and you never asked. You didn’t want to know the rest of them, you didn’t really want to know him. They live a completely different life, and you knew yourself too well to risk acting like a complete idiot and fangirling over them.

Until Jimin asked you to help him finish a song. He loved your work, and was having trouble finishing his. You agreed, and kept in touch ever since then.

Now, three years later, you’ve helped him write many songs, and still haven’t met any of the other members. You fear that if you do, the Chim that you know, and the Park Jimin heart throb will become one person, and for now you’d like to keep them separated.

You’ve explained this to Jimin many times, but even now, especially when he’s drunk like this, he doesn’t quite understand. To be honest, neither do you. But, you won't relent on this subject.

“Y/N-ie…” Jimin sings, hugging me from behind as I sit on the stool. He always gets like this with alcohol, he gets all lovey. But, he hasn’t started doing all the augyo yet, so you know it’s not cut-off time.

“What, Chimmie?” You ask turning your head to face him.

“You listen to our music right?”

There’s that word. Our. You know he doesn’t mean the songs you wrote together, but his band. As much as you try to keep them separate, times like this he forgets.

“Yes, yes I do, Chim.” You smile, deciding to let it go for a night.

“Well, what’s your favorite song from this album?” He says, resting his head on your shoulder.

You think about this for a moment. “Bulletproof: The Eternal is definitely my favorite group one.”

“Why?”

Again, you ponder for a moment, trying to piece your words together carefully.

“It talks about how we aren’t alone. How no matter how big you guys get, or how many stadiums you sell out, the reason you guys have such an impact is because of ARMY. How you love each one of them because they saved you from the dark place you were in, and in return you are going to save them. I love that concept, how even though we don’t meet face to face, we still mean something to one another and affect people’s lives in big and amazing ways.”

“What about solo song?”

You smile knowing he wants you to choose Filter. You had spent many months over video chat and emailing files back and forth to create that song. It was your baby, your proudest creation with him thus far. But, there’s another song that just hits you in ways you can’t explain.

“I can’t pick Filter, Chim, we wrote it. That’s cheating,” you say, laughing.

He just mumbles into your neck. You already know what he asked, even if you can’t understand the words.

“I’d have to pick My Time.”

He picks his head up at this. “Kookie’s song? Why?”

He’s curious as to why you would pick a member you haven’t met over him, you can tell. Chim is always jealous and clingy when he’s drunk, but it’s one of the things you love about him. All platonically, of course. He’s like an older brother to you, and on many occasions has he called you his little sister. You didn't have any siblings, he was the closest you had.

“Are you jealous, Oppa?” You really don’t want to explain the reasoning behind picking that song, so you try to distract him, just as you do every time he mentions Jungkook. You don’t want to admit to him that Jungkook is your bias and every song he sings just makes your insides light up in a way that makes you feel alive. That your heart flutters at the sound of his voice, and the lyrics he sings relate to you in a way you never thought any song except your own could.

“You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you. You only call me Oppa when you’re drunk, sad, or trying to change the subject. That’s only your second glass so I know you’re not drunk, and unless you’re secretly depressed as fuck and good at hiding it, I think your’e trying to change the subject.” he pulls away and turns your stool so you’re facing him. “Why won’t you tell me why you picked Kookie’s song?”

His eyes squint at you while your face flushes with heat.

“I-I…” You look down, trying to think of something.

All this is interrupted by loud knocking at the door.

“Jimin-ssi…..” An all-too-familiar voice sing-songs through the door taht causes your eyes to widen even more with fear. You’d know that voice anywhere.

It belongs to your favorite person in the world, Jungkook.

Okay, that might be an overstatement. But, he is your favorite member of BTS, besides Jimin, of course, but you don’t count Jimin. Jimn is your best firned, someone who is completely separate from the other members due to knowing him very personally for a number of years. Jimin is just, Jimin.

But, as of right now, you are contemplating murder becuase he is opening the door.

“Ya, Kookie! What did I say about calling me that? You’ve known me for how many years and still! The disrespect…” Jimin continues on, but his words fade as you focus on the angelic face before you.. He is ethereal, that’s the only way to put it. His skin has a golden glow, and a smile that lights up the room in your eyes. His light dimples are on show as he laughs at his hyung, eyes crinkling in a comforting way.

Fuck. He’s even more beautiful in person.

“...right, Y?N?” The sound of Jimin mentioning you snaps you out of your daze as Jungkook directs his gaze at you. You subconsciously hold your breath as his eyes widen in surprise. He obviously wasn’t expecting you here, with the way he came in. His face flushes at the realization that there’s someone else, albeit a girl, in Jimin’s room.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess it depends on context.” You try to formulate a proper response, but not knowing what Jimin said made you have to create a vague one. Hoping that his drunk mind won’t notice, you avert you gaze from Jungkook, face flushing with heat.

“Context? He never speaks to me like a friend, Y?N! We’ve known each other for 8 years and you still are so proper! That’s so rude!” Jungkook doesn’t laugh at him this time, attention focused solely on you. This makes you flush even further.

“He’s obviously doing it to get a reaction. He’s teasing you because you’re friends, so it’s not disrespectful, it’s actually kind of funny.” You keep you eyes on the glass at the table, trying not to make eye contact with the hypothetical love of your life.

“Well-”

“I’m sorry, Hyung. I didn’t know you had a girl over. I’ll leave you two alone…” Jungkook starts to trun back toward the door when Jimin starts laughing. But not normal laughter, no. He looks like he’s about to pass out from how funny the idea is.

“Wait… You think that Y/N and I are…? No, oh my God. she’s like my little sister, Kook.”

Jungkook’s freezes and turns around.

“So, you guys aren’t about to fuck?”

This causes you to choke on your drink, making Jimin rush over to you in worry while you have a coughing fit.

“Jungkook, you almost killed her with that foul talk.” He turns to give Jungkook his best pout. “That’s my best friend, you meanie. Plus, Rogue and I would never happen like that. We know too much weird shit about each other.”

Your eyes widen in shock when Jimin lets your stage name slip. Slowly turning toward Jungkook, you meet his gaze, his eyes wider than your own.

Jimin gasps when he realizes what he did.

“Oh, my goodness. Now you’re both gonna be hella nervous. Y/N, did I mention that Jungkook is who introduced me to your music? He’s the reason I recognized you and we started working together. And don’t think that I didn’t figure out who your bias is, little miss ‘My Time’...”

Both of you stay frozen in shock as Jimin rambles on neither moving a muscle as you gaze into each other’s eyes in shock.

Jimin finally gets the hint that you both are no longer listening and looks at you both.

“Shit, you guys both need a drink. You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

This breaks whatever spell the two of you were under and you turn your stool back toward the counter top, downing the rest of your tequila sunrise. Or, whatever weird combination jimin created to try and make it. In your peripheral, you see Jungkook sit in the stool next to you. Not that he had much of a choice. The mini bar only has three stools and you are conveniently sat right in the middle.

Jimin goes back behind the counter to continue mixing whatever monstrosity he was creating before Jungkook knocked.

You sit in silence as Jimin continues to ramble on about whatever things drunk Jimin thinks of. Jungkook is a stone statue next to you, not moving a single muscle een as Jimin sets a drink in front of him. You’re too afraid to say a word and break the deafening silence between the two of you, as you have drowned out Jimin’s words long before.

He listens to your music. He knows who you are, the deepest parts of you, for he has heard your songs, your lyrics, and that fact has you frozen, afraid to say a single word in the possibility that you might say something wrong.

He knows you, but only as Rogue. And why does that fact bother you so much?

“So…” Jungkook tries to break the ice between you two, stll staring at the filled glass in front of him. “You’re Rogue…”

His sentence seems more like a question than a statement, and maybe it is. Maybe the fact hasn’t quite registered in both of your minds that the other is truly sitting right next to them. Maybe that ‘maybe’, is a little more definite.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” is all that you can muster up, speaking in the smallest voice that you ever have. You down the new drink that Jimin has set in front of you, which is somehow even more disgusting than the last, and turn towards where he stands in the middle of the room, apparently doing karaoke now. Surprisingly, even drunk, Jimin still sings like an angel. You smile at your best friend, enjoying his softness while it lasted. He’s usually way too hard on himself, you know that better than anyone, so it’s nice to see him so… free.

“I can’t believe that I’m sitting next to you right now…” You barely make out what he says, probably because he never meant for you to hear it. You turn towards Jungkook, face flushing to match his own once he realizes he said that out loud.

“I should be saying that. You’re the World’s Most Handsome Face of 2019 according to TC Chandler. Not to mention you’re not only South Korea’s, but America’s hot shot. The world literally breathes for you and you’re saying you can’t believe you’re sitting next to me?” You barely register the words you say as they come out of your mouth, the alcohol hitting you more than you thought after downing three glasses in the past five minutes.

His face flushes even more, if possible, as you say this, his mouth resembling a fish as it opens and closes in shock to your words. He looks out at Jimin to avoid your gaze.

“Well, I mean, it doesn’t feel like I’m all that…” He stutters a bit in his nervousness. “To me, it feels like I’m the nervous fan and you’re the big celebrity. And nobody’s ever met you, or even know what you look like. Do you know how it feels to obsess over someone’s music and be the only fan to know who they are?”

He stares dead in your eyes at this last statement, his words rendering you the speechless, stuttering one.

“I just…” You can’t look away from his eyes. They’re like chocolate orbs swirling with warmth and wonder, you could get lost in them forever if you really wanted to.

He looks away, breaking the trance you were in. you turn towards Jimin, thinking that if he’s out of your sight, it’ll be easier to speak with him, pretend he’s not Jeon Jungkook, the boy sweetheart of the world.

“I’ve listened to you for almost two years now,” he begins, still not looking toward you. “You didn’t have a following then, and your music may not have been the most professionally made, but I heard what you were saying, I connected with it. I watched you improve and felt… Well, I felt like I connected with you. That I understood you and you understood me.”

You smile. “That’s the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever heard about my music.” You turn towards Jungkook, staring deeply at him even though he still wasn’t looking at you. “Thank you, Jungkook. Really, I mean it.”

He looks up at you then, smiling back at you. “You’re welcome.”

You’re met by a moment of silence, both of you just staring at each other. The world around you starts to disappear and all you see is him. But, not the Jungkook that you’re used to. This is the real him, not the one you see on television.

‘Ahem.” Jimin breaks you both out of your daze as you jump in your stool. You face towards him, face flushing red once more. “Does this mean you’re gonna steal my co-writer now? Because I really like her.”

Jimin hangs around you, arms draping over you as he pouts at his other best friend. Jungkook’s eyes widen at the information he just recieved.

“Wait, Y/N is your ghost writer? The one helping you that you wouldn’t tell us about?”

“Well, yeah, maybe…” Jimin pouts even more, looking at the floor instead of Jungkook. “She didn’t want to meet you guys, thought she would embarrass herself or something. But, the truth is I didn’t want you guys to meet her either. She’s my best friend, and I didn’t want you guys taking away the little time that I get to spend with her…”

You coo at his cuteness. You know it’s time to cut him off now. Nonetheless, you still place your hands on his arms that are wrapped around your shoulders. “Aw… Chimmy…”

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow at your skinship. Is he… jealous? No, he’s probably just confused. You scold yourself for even thinking that someone like Jungkook could be jealous of someone else hugging you. You just met the boy, for Christ’s sake.

“We should probably get this one to bed…” You start, bringing Jungkook’s attention to you.

“No…” You hear a whine from Jimin as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. You giggle lightly as his breath tickles your neck.

“Chim, it’s almost 3AM and you have to get up at 8 to start recording, so you need to get to bed.” You’re used to acting like a mom around Jimin when he’s like this. Makes you feel like one, too.

“Fine…” He agrees, but makes no move to let go of you. You try to gain his attention only to hear soft snores next to your ear. You smile as his goofiness. Not tired, my butt.

You turn your gaze back toward Jungkook. “Could you help me with this,” you ask, gesturing toward a sleepy drunk Jimin. He smiles before standing up and wrapping Jimin’s arm over his shoulder then picking him up bridal style. The sight makes you stifle a giggle, bringing a fist to your mouth.

Once You both get Jimin tucked into bed, the room is once again filled with an awkward silence. Your eyes wander everywhere but Jungkook, trying to stop yourself from saying something stupid without Jimin here to save you.

“So… you’re Rogue,” he says, still staring at Jimin’s sleeping form. The music from the karaoke is still running in the background, creating a soothing ambience. You turn towards the machine and unplug it, shrouding the room in silence, other than the sound of each others breathing and Jimin’s soft snores.

“Yeah.”

“And you help him write songs?” Jungkook meets your gaze, eyes brimming with criousity about you.

You pause.

“Yeah.”

At this point, you don’t know if that’s the only word you can remember how to speak, but it sure seems like it.

There is a beat of quiet. No movement, no words. Just the two of you looking at each other. You open your mouth to speak your parting, but Jungkook speaks before you can.

“I know we just met, but can I ask you a favor?”

You pause, questions filling your head as your brows furrow. You don’t have time to respond before Jungkook starts rambling.

“I mean, it’s just that I really like your music. Like, really like your music, and I’m kind of stuck? I don’t know how to phrase it…” He scratches the back of his neck as he bites his lip, looking at the ground. “I released a teaser song a few months ago named Decalcomania. The fans were all so excited for it and, to be honest, so was I. But, after the teaser came out, I couldn’t finish it. It’s like something is missing and I don’t know what.”

You nod your head as you watch him, instantly recognizing the song he is talking about. You have had many ideas for a response song, but you don’t want to tell him that.

“It’s just…” he pauses, pursing his lips before looking into your eyes determinately. “Will you help me finish it?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. Jeon Jungkook just asked you to help him finish the song that you’ve spent months fangirling over? First Jimin, now Jungkook. Who’s next? Billie Eilish?

You honestly had no idea your music could even reach someone like him, someone who seemed so untouchable. And yet, that’s exactly how he feels about you. That you’re unfathomable, unreachable to him.

“Okay,” you say, nodding slightly. “I’ll help you finish it.”

Jimin had surprised you earlier with plane tickets. This weekend was their last batch of concerts before their break back in Korea. Luckily, you’ve studied the language vigorously in your avid listening of kpop, little does he know. But, he wants you to come back to Busan with him so he can show you around Korea during his break. ‘It’s only fair,’ he said once you arrived. ‘You’re showing me around your hometown, so I want to show you around mine.’

You smile at Jungkook. “I’ll be showing Jimin around Savannah this week before the concert, and I’m flying back with him because he wants to show me around Busan.”

You see his eyes widen at your answer.

“I don’t know if you want to work while you’re here, or not. But, I will be in your hometown for the next two months if you want to work together some more then.” You head towards the door, not trusting yourself to be around him anymore. Your face remains serious, but the flush in your face will ultimately give you away if you stay. “I’ll have Jimin give you my number when he wakes up.”

You open the door and pause, looking back at him. “Goodnight, Jungkook. It was nice to meet you. I think we’ll have a good time working together.”

Then, with a smile, you left, leaving a poor, shocked, bunny standing in the middle of Jimin’s suite.

That was three weeks ago.

#bangtan #jimin #jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook one shot #smut #fluff #jungkook smut #reader #soundcloud

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pavcrti · 4 years

Text

chicago’s very own pavarti kumari has been spotted on madison avenue driving a rose gold model x , welcome ! your resemblance to mishti rahman is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty fifth birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re fiery , but being eloquent might help you . i think being a pieces explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be fresh fields of lavender that expand into a cotton candy sky , the reflection of the sun caught in the glimmer of a crystal , rhyming couplets professing deep - seeded emotion . ( i ghost write songs for artists who like to claim they write their own work . ) & ( cis female + she / her ) + ( emily , 25 , sher / her , pst )

holy shit , it’s ya girl . i’m back after needing a bit of a break from being in a group . and bc i honestly adored this place sm and i made so many great friends here i am back . . . 👀 i expect plots with each and every one of u btw so u best deliver . i desperately wanna get this finished before i pass the fuck out . i’ll be joining the server in the morning , but in the meantime if u wanna be my friend 👀 👀 titsiana praises satan#7989

biography .

name : pavarti kumari

age : twenty five

gender : cisfemale

zodiac : pieces

sexuality : bisexual

profession : singer / songwriter

hair color : black

eye color : brown

piercings : both lobes , nose

tattoos : none

voice claim : jhene aiko

released albums : sail out ( ep ) , trip

miss pavarti was born in bangladesh . her parents are both 100% bangladeshi and immigrated to chicago when pavarti was four years old . she had an older brother who was five years older than her . his name was siva .her family traveled back every summer so she is very immersed in the culture of her homeland and is a very spiritual person as a result . from a young age , pavarti had a fascination with the english language . not only was it so complex , but there was so much that could be done with it as well . she loved poetry and different types of prose . she also developed an absolute adoration for hip hop as a result . she’s been able to work several of her lyrical inspirations in her albums , something she would’ve never anticipated growing up as an immigrant child . when she entered middle school , she joined the school choir as an extra curricular activity which is what inspired her love for music and introduced her to her vocal talents . within time , she began combining her inclination for poetry with her voice . she wrote her first song at thirteen and began to freestyle for her friends . unfortunately , she was never taken too seriously by her peers . she was a female , hardly the usual suspect for the rnb , soul vibe that her voice conveys . before she graduated high school , her brother siva was killed in a car crash . the unexpected death of her best friend and protector sent pavarti into a spiral . this begun her tendency to alter her reality to escape from her pain with the help of drugs . she frequently writes about her brother in her music . when she was eighteen , she was discovered , ironically , by a manager of a local rapper at a poetry slam she was performing at . she impressed him and he introduced her to his client . this is how pavarti entered the hip hop scene , albeit , in secret . in hip hop , it’s very custom for performers to write the tracks that they put out themselves . pavarti learned that she could learn the skills of the trade whilst making her own connections and making pretty good cash , as well . as the years progressed , the notoriety of her clients rose . she’s written bars for multiple big names and by harvesting these friendships , she was able to get signed to a record label and put out her first ep at age twenty one . it was well received by critics and pavarti was thrilled to be taken seriously as an artist doing what she loves . she kept working , kept her nose in her business and released her first full album , trip , just last year . she feels like she is constantly growing artistically and finds herself inspired everywhere she turns . she’s currently working on her second full album and just dropped a new single , p*$$y fairy . other than that , there’s not too much else to note in her history . she did not grow up rich , rather she’s only recently come into wealth . her money is very new and she’s not too skilled at spending it wisely .

personality .

okay , so this will probably just be a long winded explanation that no one really asked for / needed but here we go ! first and foremost . . . pavarti is a dreamer in every sense of the word . she’s whimsical , she’s connected to the earth around her . she drifts off into elaborate day dreams and tells herself stories in her head as she falls to sleep . she is very spiritual . she meditates twice a day . her house always smells of incense . she has an affinity for weed and hallucinogenics . she really enjoys writing under the influence . her album trip is literally inspired by several drug experiences she had that had a profound impact in her life . pavarti’s general demeanor is borderline wall - flower . you wouldn’t expect her to be so shy , but she is . she’s the giggly girl who’ll hang back and let someone else come to her first . in the meantime , she’s taking in every single detail . she’s incredibly observant . sometimes she thinks in poetry . she realizes that she isn’t the typical visual for a female hip hop , rnb artist but it’s truly her passion in life and her art flows through her . she says more in her songs than she does to the people she needs to and that can definitely be problematic . with that said , pavarti is very well spoken . girl knows how to sweet talk her way through just about anything . but she also has the temper of a devil . she does not tolerate being fucked around with . she has that attitude about her where she will go and key your car if you hurt her or one of her best friends . people typically wouldn’t expect such an explosion from someone so outwardly sanguine and easy going but she’s the type to scratch someone’s eyes out if she has to . her music is her spouse . this fucks her up relationship wise a lot because she tends to let chances pass her by because she would rather stay undistracted . she has an ego , but not really in the outward way that one would anticipate when ego is involved . she knows she’s talented . she knows she’s attractive . but she also knows that she’s fucking lucky to be where she is and she’s grateful . pavarti is the type who wakes up with a smile because she has another twenty four hours to be alive . she doesn’t take things for granted --- she used to , until she lost her older brother and she realized just how quickly things can change . pavarti is a fiercely loyal individual to her friends . she will stand up for them , no matter what . the thing is , she expects it back . she is very much aware of her self worth and does not react kindly to a one sided vibe .

plots .

ok , ok , ok . . . so how i am going to do this is offer up some songs / song pairings for songs that i believe pavarti has written for specific people with certain plots in mind for at least her side of things . and then i will also list some basic plots that aren’t based on anything in particular , but are still plots that i would like very much to have ! the links go to lyrics ! all plots are gender neutral , so ignore any pronouns that are in the songs .

bed peace / stay ready / while we’re young --- fwbs with feelings : pavarti and your muse have been friends for a while . somewhere along the line things crossed the line and they began hooking up . it’s obvious that they feel something intense for each other but something is always in the way of them being together --- plus , neither are really sure if the friendship could withstand a romantic relationship crashing and burning . so here they are , stuck in this awkward limbo . they hook up , hang out , awkwardly third wheel when the other is dating someone else . it’s an interesting dynamic and pavarti wouldn’t deal with drama with anyone else but your muse . they have a really compelling bond and neither can think of life without the other but things have been like this for a long time and there is only so long a relationship as complicated as this one could actually function .

the worst / comfort inn ending / moments / when we love --- exes that ended badly with lingering feelings : this was . . . just a crazy hot and cold relationship . when it was hot , it was fucking hot . when it was cold ? damn . hell itself could freeze over . they probably have done and said a lot of nasty , nasty shit to each other . at the same time , they could’ve been literally planning their wedding at some point because they both were incredibly serious about each other . in comfort inn ending , pavarti suggests their relationship was a result of her cheating on another boyfriend to be with your muse and your muse ultimately cheated on her as well . we can discuss that but i would high key kill for the extra drama . around the time pavarti was writing her first full album , they had a rekindling that inspired her to write moments and when we love . i don’t envision this relationship having ended in a decent way from there , though . more cheating ? fighting ? they were definitely toxic . she’s definitely planning on dragging their ass some more in her tracks .

lsd / sativa --- platonic soulmates : omg so this plot is . . . so fucking cute . but these two would basically die for each other . there is zero sexual attraction , just genuine , pure love . they do everything together . but what really sealed their bond ? well . . . many different intense acid trips , of course ! they love to get high together and forget about the world . they both feel like they can trust the other because they have been present for so many life - changing moments . they rarely go a day without seeing each other and absolutely never go a day without talking in some capacity . sometimes they fight like siblings . but pavarti would honestly kill for your muse . there is nothing she wouldn’t do for them .

new balance / newer balance / you are here / clear my mind --- the romantic bad influence : this plot is another messy piece of trash . from the beginning , when they first met , pavarti always thought your muse was too good to be true . they reminded her so much of her brother . she felt this sense of peace with your muse . she fell in love quickly but at the same time , felt like there was something looming over their relationship . like it wasn’t permanent . like it’s all just a dream . the bad influence part isn’t portrayed too much in the lyrics other than stressing pavarti’s fear that your muse isn’t exactly who they say they are and this relationship is doomed to fail somehow . she knows that when this explodes in her face that it’s going to destroy her . i see your muse bringing out edgier sides of pavarti’s personality . they party a lot , they influence pavarti to do crazy things with them and she does and she feels so alive with your muse . that is , until , it all crumbles . the facade is destroyed and whatever it was that your muse wasn’t being upfront about shatters the way she feels for your muse entirely . she feels betrayed . clear my mind is pavarti’s way of trying to hype herself up to be stronger than she really is .

never call me / --- best friends turned enemies : this is my last long one i promise , wtf , why did i decide to do this . anyways --- this plot is again , a shit ton of angst so enjoy that . your muse and pavarti used to be the best of friends . inseparable . that is until things went south . fast . we can discuss what it was that happened between our muses but it was something huge and preferably something where they both could stubbornly blame each other . pavarti feels slighted because she thinks that your muse should be the one who reaches out and perhaps your muses could be thinking the same about her .

romantic plots : crushes , unrequited love , hateship , party hookup , friends with benefits , secret fling , summer romance

platonic plots : give me close friends ! and tons of them please ! thanks . roommates , drug buddies , confidants , unlikely friendship , travel friends , only friends in the dms , enemies turned friend

#wealthyhq:intro #tw death #tw drugs #um um this got so fucking lONG i prOFUSELY APOLOGIZE #i need 2 pass tf out now baiiiiiiiii

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hopeworldfan · 5 years

Text

good things come in threes (1)

summary: you had a unique relationship with hyuna and hyojong, one that gets even more complicated when min yoongi gets involved.

pairing: yoongi/reader, hyuna/reader/hyojong

word count: 2984

rating: 18+

genre: fluff, smut, angst, idolverse, idol!reader

warning: smut, threesome, hyuna with a strap is my biggest kink, sexting, excessive orgasms, marking

a/n: my dream threesome is with hyuna and edawn and thats just the cold hard facts

“So, (y/n), on to the burning question that’s on everyone’s mind,” the host started, leaning towards you. “What is your relationship with Hyuna and E’Dawn.”

You laughed and the host joined in. “Well, they’re my dear friends of course. If it wasn’t for Hyuna taking an interest in me all those years ago I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

The host was visibly disappointed with your answer. It was the one you gave any time you were given that question, you would think they would stop asking it by now.

“So, you’re not in a relationship with them?” He pried and you internally rolled your eyes but externally kept a polite smile on your face.

“They’re in a relationship with each other, so no, I’m not in a relationship with them.” It wasn’t a lie. They thought it was hilarious how you never once lied about the details of your relationship, just darted around it.

“Well, that’s all we have time for today. It was a pleasure talking to you today (y/n).” The host said and you both got to your feet. “Everyone check out her new album, now available on all streaming services.”

Your manager was the first person to approach you when you walked off the stage, a clipboard in her hand and an annoyed look on her face. “You think they would learn to stop asking that question by now.”

“I think it’s funny.” You shrugged and Minsun glared at you.

“I know you do. You’re getting more reckless (y/n), more people are talking, especially since Hyuna and E’Dawn made their relationship public. It’s only a matter of time before something gets caught on camera, and then what? You’re controversial enough as is, that could be the final nail in your coffin.”

You sighed. “You worry too much Minsun. Besides, I don’t see much of them these days anyway.”

Walking into your dressing room, your manager was quick to close the door behind you before turning and fixing you with a hard stare. “You and Hyuna are both performing at MAMA this year, you know E’Dawn’s going to be there. I am begging you (y/n), be careful. Keep the physical contact for behind closed doors, I’d prefer you to stay away from closed doors with them, but I know it’s pointless to even ask.”

“I promise Minsun, okay?”

“I wish I could believe you.” Your manager said with a defeated sigh before adjusting her glasses and walking out. Guilt coursed through you. Minsun was an amazing manager, she had been with you since the start of your career, you didn’t like making her worry.

The guilt faded away when you picked up your phone and saw a message from Hyuna. Your breath hitched when you opened the message and saw the attached picture. It was obviously her hand, resting on top of Hyojong’s clothed crotch, but you could see the strain from his erection.

we miss you (y/n), all i did was say your name and he got hard

Excitement coursed through you and you double-checked that your door was locked before ripping your shirt off and posing in front of the large mirror. Your face wasn’t in the picture, it never was. The three of you were careful about that, in case someone were to get ahold of your phones.

After being satisfied with one of the pictures, you sent it.

i’ll see you both in two days, make sure we’re in a soundproof room

A sudden knock on the door distracted you from the heat pooling between your legs and you groaned. “Hurry up (y/n), you have practice in an hour!”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m coming Minsun.”

Two days later and it was finally the day you had been waiting for. Your stomach was in knots, but not because you were nervous about your nomination for ‘Song of the Year’. No, you were finally seeing Hyuna and Hyojong again.

Between your tour, working on your new album, and all your tv appearances, you hadn’t seen either of them in five months. It was torture. Sure, there were phone calls, video chats, and a multitude of texts, but it wasn’t the same. Your whole body was practically vibrating in anticipation.

“I know you’re eager to run off and see those two, but you need to greet the BTS boys first,” Minsun informed and you stopped dead in your tracks.

“Why?”

Your manager shook her head. “Other than it being polite since you’re going to walk right by them, there may be talk going on about a collaboration.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You hissed in a hushed whisper, your eyes wide at your manager’s words.

“I did, a few times, you were too busy texting Hyuna and E’Dawn.”

You tried to think back, but you were coming up blank. “A collaboration? Really?”

Minsun rolled her eyes. “Yes, a few of the boys expressed interest in it. The details aren’t ironed out yet.”

“Which boys?” You prompted excitedly. A collaboration with BTS was everything you dreamed about. You were a big fan of them. Their music was amazing, they’re choreography was stunning, and they were all drop-dead gorgeous. Not to mention it could be what you needed to really break into the American market, something you had been making progress with.

“Suga’s expressed the most interest, but also Jimin and Jungkook. I have a few meetings coming up about it, so make nice with them.” Minsun didn’t have to tell you twice before you were bouncing up to the group of boys, sliding right past security.

“Hey, guys!” You chirped. “It’s so nice to officially meet you.”

You had seen them at award shows and events before but had never said more than two words in passing. The boys were immediately falling all over themselves to greet you.

“Ah hello!”

“(y/n), hi!”

“It’s so nice to meet you!”

“Wow, hi!”

“I’m a big fan!”

“You’re so pretty!”

“Hello.”

They each shook your hand and you giggled at how excited they were. “My manager just told me there’s talk about a collaboration going on, I’m looking forward to it.”

Namjoon was the first to answer with a shy smile. “We would all be honored to collaborate with you (y/n), we’re all big fans.”

“Yes! We love you!” J-Hope added cheerfully.

“Aww, stop it guys, I’m blushing.” You replied, bringing your hands to your cheeks. “I could say the same about all of you! I’m such a big fan! You’re all so talented!”

“You’re the talented one here (y/n),” Jimin commented shyly.

“I always watch your videos the day they come out!” Jin added excitedly.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and you suddenly remembered just where you were headed to before you were distracted by the seven boys. The butterflies in your stomach increased because you knew what was waiting for you in Hyuna’s dressing room.

“Well, it was so nice to meet all of you!” You smiled, catching Suga’s eye and grinning even wider. He was definitely your favorite, your bias some would say. “I look forward to working together in the future.”

The boys said their goodbyes and you were off. You couldn’t move fast enough and the security guard in front of the door immediately moved when he saw you.

“(y/n)!” Hyuna squealed when the door shut behind you and she was in your arms immediately.

“Hi.” You laughed.

“It’s good to see you,” Hyojong said with a lazy smile, sliding behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

Hyuna’s lips were on yours immediately, inexplicably eager. Hyojong’s hands roamed up the front of your body, sliding under your shirt and cupping your breasts.

“You two are eager.” You breathed against Hyuna’s lips before being silenced again.

“We missed you, can’t you tell?” Hyojong answered before lowering his mouth to the base of your neck. Your breaths started to become uneven when Hyuna’s hands slid down your stomach and slipped past the waistband of your sweatpants.

“You’re so wet already (y/n).” Hyuna purred when one of her digits rubbed against your soaked panties.

“What can I say, I missed you both too.” You panted and she giggled before tugging you out of Hyojong’s grip and to the large couch. He whined at the loss of contact and trailed behind.

“C’mon Hyojong, we have to make (y/n) cum at least five times before she has to get ready to perform.”

“My goal is seven.”

No, you weren’t in a relationship with Hyuna and Hyojong. It started not long after your first collaboration with Hyuna. She had taken such an interest in you, and the two of you got along so well, you easily became close friends. Then it morphed into something more than that, and the sex started.

It was complicated, and messy at first, but you worked through it. Neither of you wanted a relationship, so you settled on friends-with-benefits and that worked out spectacularly. Then she started dating Hyojong and everything went to shit again. You remained friends, though it was rocky, and you didn’t touch each other for a year.

Until she finally approached you about a threesome. It was never something you thought you’d be in to, but you decided to give it a try because sex with Hyuna was spectacular and you missed her. It was probably the greatest decision you had ever made. Your biggest fear was that you would feel like an intruder since they were dating, but their attention was so focused on you and holy shit Hyojong was also great in bed.

It worked out surprisingly well. You weren’t in their relationship, it wasn’t a polyamorous relationship, you were just friends-with-benefits with both of them. There were times when you just slept with Hyuna, or just slept with Hyojong. You all shared a connection, it just didn’t extend to romantic when it came to you, and you were okay with that because you didn’t have romantic feelings for either of them. You all loved each other, but it was platonic when it came to you.

The public wouldn’t understand so it was kept under wraps, and that was fine with you too. Only a handful of people knew the truth, your manager for one, only because she happened to walk in on you making out with Hyuna while Hyojong was eating you out. She wasn’t happy, to say the least.

There was also their former ‘Triple H’ member, Hui. He joined in on the fun a few times, leading to some very memorable orgasms.

Other than those two, Hyuna’s security guard and a few members of both of your inner circles. There was a tight lid on it, even though there was speculation. Hyuna and Hyojong were very touchy in public to your manager’s constant annoyance. They’d been seen leaving your dressing room and vice versa multiple times, but there’s never been anything concrete.

“I think that’s six.” Hyojong smiled, picking his head up from your dripping pussy and licking his lips. Hyuna smashed her lips against his, lapping up the excess juice from his lips. Without his grip on your thighs, your trembling legs fell against the couch and you took a shaky breath.

He wasn’t kidding when he said his goal was seven.

“My turn!” Hyuna chirped, pulling back from Hyojong. She already had her strap on, and your vagina literally twitched in anticipation. He moved to stand next to your head and you turned your head to the side to take his hard cock in your mouth while Hyuna fucked you.

She had only gotten a few strokes in when there was a knock on the door. “(y/n) so help me God you needed to be in makeup five minutes ago. I’m going to walk away and if you’re not in your dressing room in two minutes there will be hell to pay!”

“Fuck.” You mumbled around Hyojong’s cock. Minsun didn’t get angry often, but when she did it was never pretty.

“That’s not fair!” Hyuna whined, pulling out so you could get up and tug your clothes on, struggling because of how weak your legs felt.

You glanced up into the mirror and cursed again when you saw the marks on your neck. “Hyojong! What the fuck is this! Minsun is going to fucking gut me!”

Said boy just shrugged, lounging on the couch. “You know I get carried away when I don’t see you for a while.”

“I’m fucked.” You groaned, haphazardly throwing your rats’ nest of sex hair into a messy bun.

“Yeah, you were.” He grinned and you glared at him.

“Have a good performance babe!” Hyuna called out as you threw open the door, still tugging your shirt into place. You managed a wave before the door shut, quickly turning on your heel to rush to your dressing room. What you weren’t expecting to happen was to run right into someone else.

“Shit sorry!” You said automatically, the other person’s hands coming up to steady you. Your eyes shot up to see just who you were running into and your mouth went dry when you met Suga’s gaze.

He didn’t say anything at first. You watched as his eyes took you in, shirt on inside out, obvious sex hair, swollen lips, dark marks on your neck. Then his attention went to the name on the door you ran out of and you practically saw the pieces connect in his brain.

Fuck.

You wanted to say something, to throw together some half-baked excuse, but you remembered that you probably only had thirty seconds to get to your dressing room before having to face the wrath of your manager, so you extracted yourself from his grip and shot him a frazzled smile. “Sorry, gotta blast!”

As expected, Minsun essentially ripped you a new asshole when she saw the hickeys on your neck. It was a good thing your makeup team was very good at their job or you never would have heard the end of it. Your hairstylist didn’t even bother trying to be gentle, but you couldn’t complain.

You managed to be in position five minutes before you had to go on and you just prayed to God your legs didn’t give out on you. Sex before a performance was never a good idea, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Miraculously, you managed to pull off a stellar performance despite how weak-kneed you still felt. It felt amazing when you could finally sit and watch others. Hyuna was spectacular as always, you couldn’t get the vision of her in-between your legs with her strap on out of your mind though. Minsun discreetly pinched you when she saw you start to squirm the slightest bit.

BTS was amazing. Their performance was so passionate, you were entranced the whole time. You knew they would win Artist of the Year.

Finally, it was time for them to announce Song of the Year. Your stomach was in fucking knots. You had been nominated once before but lost to Twice. Minsun was gripping your hand so tight you thought it was going to fall off.

“Song of the Year…goes to,” The announcer began before peeling open the envelope. “(y/n) for Anywhere, Anytime!”

Minsun started screaming immediately, followed by your team. You just sat there in shock, eyes the size of saucers.

“You did it!” Minsun squealed, jerking you up to your feet. The cheers from the crowd were deafening and you just couldn’t think. You won. You actually won. What the fuck.

Almost in a trance, you walked up to the announcer who had a giant smile. He handed you the award and you took it almost robotically, shaking his hand and thanking him. Then it was time for your speech, but you still couldn’t even think.

“Um…wow,” You started with a nervous laugh staring at the award in your hand. “I just…wow.”

Tears started to prick at the back of your eyes as you stared at the award, it finally starting to hit you that you won.

“There are so many people I have to thank for this, um,” You paused, trying to fight through the burning in your throat. The crowd began to cheer again, shouts of encouragement reaching your ears. “My fans, of course, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I love each and every one of you so much…I’ll continue working hard for all of you.”

You used your free hand to wipe the now free-falling tears. “My parents, for always believing me and supporting me. My manager, Minsun, and my whole team for being such an amazing support system, my company for giving me this opportunity, just, everyone who supports me and of course my lovely friend Hyuna who I owe so much to. Thank you all so much for this, just, thank you.”

Hyuna was the first person to greet you when you walked off the stage, pulling you into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you!”

You just cried into her shoulder while she laughed before passing you to Hyojong.

“Good job baby.” He whispered into your ear, rubbing your back as you cried. Minsun was the one to break you all apart, ushering you back to your seat with a shake of her head, she held back from chiding you though.

You found your friends again after the awards when all the groups were mingling. She instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist and Hyojong placed a quick kiss against your cheek. You just so happened to glance up in time to see Suga staring directly at you. You knew he had seen the interaction. You knew he knew something was up.

You met his intense gaze and he was the first to look away. Just great.

60 notes · View notes

tryintheirbest · 5 years

Text

Nice To See You Again

Pairing: John Deacon x Female!Reader

Warnings: swearing, smut(18+): oral (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, dom!Deaky, non-protected sex (wrap it before you tap it y’all), daddy kink mentioned at the end

Word count: 8.7k

Summary: Reader is visiting Queen in London after being away for seven years. She realizes that her feelings for her best friend, John Deacon, hadn’t gone away like she thought. She started to notice little things Deaky does that could mean he has feelings for her too, or is it just her imagination?

A/N: I started writing this at like 1:30 in the morning, so there’s probably some spelling and grammar mistakes. This idea came to me out of nowhere and I just had to write it. I hope y’all enjoy. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated! Smut under the cut

You were nervous. You could tell that your hands were sweaty, so you kept rubbing them on your jeans. Just take a deep breath Y/n you kept telling yourself. You were sitting on a bench outside the Heathrow Airport, waiting. This was not an unusual situation to find yourself in. Having been born in America and deciding to go to college in London, you found yourself in many airports. You had been to the Heathrow Airport many times, going back home for vacations and coming back to London for school. But this time was different, for a couple reasons.

Firstly, you hadn’t been to London since you graduated from college 7 years ago. You had decided to go back home after graduating to get a job. You knew that you could have got work in London, but you wanted to be close to home after being away for so long. Now, 7 years later, you had saved enough money and accumulated enough vacation hours to spend the summer back in London. You were excited to be back, but also extremely nervous.

The second reason you were nervous to be back was who you had called to pick you up from the airport. While in college, you had become friends with a shy boy studying electronics. He was quiet, but very sweet when you got him to say more than three words. You and John Deacon became good friends very quickly and by your second year, the two of you were inseparable. John was three years older than you, so he had graduated a few years before you.

That didn’t end your friendship though. He would come over to your apartment almost every day to help you study for finals and just to spend time with you. One night, after staying up playing Uno with him and joking around all night, you realized that you had developed feelings for John Deacon. You decided not to tell him because you didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had with him. It didn’t help that you and John were always spending time together and the both of you were not afraid to be physically affectionate with one another. The two of you were always holding hands, hugging, and cuddling, but you had always thought it was only platonic.

A call of your name snatched you from your thoughts. You stood up, eyes searching for who called you. Your eyes landed on a group of four men, all walking towards you. “Y/n?” one of the men, the one with sunglasses and a mustache, called again. This time, you waved one of your hands towards them. The man who had called out your name looked at you, smiled, and walked quickly over to you. As he reached you, he took off his sunglasses, and you noticed how warm his brown eyes were, making you feel at ease even though you you had only met him twice before.

“Y/n, darling, it’s wonderful to see you!” Freddie Mercury, charming as always. He pulled you into a tight hug. It felt like you were hugging someone you’d known for your whole life, his embrace warm and comforting. “It’s nice to see you too, Freddie”, you replied, words muffled by his shoulder. He pulled away and held you at arms length, “Let me take a look at you, darling”. His eyes looked you up and down and you could feel yourself blush under his gaze. Freddie smiled at you, “Lovely as always, Y/n”. You returned the smile as Freddie dropped his arms. “You grew your hair out? Last time I saw you, your hair was not much longer than mine. Now look at it, past your shoulders.” Freddie ran his fingers through your curly hair.

“She’s just trying to look as good as me”, a voice from behind you said. Turning around, you were met with the towering form of Brian May. You laughed at his statement, getting on your tiptoes to pull him into a hug. “It’s good to see you Y/n. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” You nodded, pulling away from the embrace. “A bit too long, don’t you think, love?” You rolled your eyes before turning to face Roger Taylor. He just smirked at you, opening his arms and waiting for his hug from you. You rolled your eyes again, not stopping the smile that spread across your lips as you hugged him. You pulled away as Roger kissed your cheek, “You look good, love”. “Thank you, Rog. You don’t look too bad yourself” You replied with a smile, laughing when Roger pretended to be insulted by your comment.

Then, a voice from your right stopped your laughter, “Do I get a hug too?” You turned, your eyes meeting his grey ones. You could feel yourself grinning as you all but ran into his arms. “I missed you, John”. He hugged you tighter before releasing you. He smiled down at you, pushing some hair out of your face. “I missed you too, pretty girl.” You blushed, forgetting how much John liked calling you cute nicknames. It started as a joke, but became a habit for him, not that you were complaining. “I like the curls, they suit you” John said, playing with the end of your hair. You looked at his hair, taking it in for the first time. He no longer had a head of long, silky smooth hair. Instead, he had a poofy mass of curly hair. You giggled, “I could say the same about you, Deaky.” He chuckled at the nickname. Unlike him, you only had one nickname for John Deacon. He didn’t mind, he loved it.

Roger cleared his throat, making you tear your eyes away from the man in front of you. “As much as we love watching you too make heart eyes at each other, we really should get going.” You felt your cheeks heat up at Rogers comment, taking a step back from John out of habit. You felt his hand drop from your hair, shoving it in his pocket. Freddie slung his arm around your shoulders, leading you towards the parking lot. Thank God Freddie always knows how to save an awkward situation “Alright, love, we’re going to the studio to practice. Would you like to tag along?” Your eyes lit up as you eagerly nodded. This made Freddie let out a laugh, turning back to the other three, “Come on, we’re taking Y/n to the studio.” You turned around too, seeing John smile at you all made your way to their car. I haven’t seen they play since A Day At The Races, you thought to yourself. You were excited to see just how much their music had changed in the seven years you’d been away.

It didn’t take long for the five of you to arrive at the studio. The whole ride there, you had asked the boys about the albums they made when you were away and their tours. They were eager to tell you everything that had happened, not glossing over all the arguments that had happened. You laughed, shaking your head, knowing how wild it could get in the studio. When you got out of the car, Freddie was quick to put his arm back around your shoulders. This made you smile, but it faltered for a moment when you caught John looking a little disappointed that you didn’t walk in with him. You pushed that thought out of your mind, knowing it was just your imagination.

Freddie lead you into the studio, letting you take a seat on the couch. Brian took the chair by the sound board, Roger sprawled out on the armchair to your left, Freddie leaned against the door frame, and John took a seat next to you. You smiled at him as your hands brushed against one another. John turned his attention away from you as the others started discussing the plan for recording. You were only barely listening, focused on John’s face and his fingers rubbing across your knuckles absentmindedly. You studied his features, taking him in after not seeing him for seven years. His sharp jawline, his thin lips, the way his eyes eyes crinkled when he smiled, how soft his gaze was. Your eyes traveled down, noticing with wide eyes that he wasn’t the skinny boy you went to school with. His arms had more definition, as did his chest, which you could easily see under his tight shirt. Honestly, that shirt is like a second skin. How the hell does he even get that on? You thought to yourself. Your mind wandered on its own, leading you to have the thought I wonder how hard it would be to get that shirt off him. You felt your face heat up at the thought.

You thought you had gotten over your crush on your best friend. You hadn’t had a boyfriend since you moved back home, but you made yourself believe it was just because you hadn’t found anyone. Now you realized that it was because you didn’t want just anyone, you wanted John Deacon. You felt your heart sink when you realized that it would be just like before. You would keep your feelings to yourself while Deaky would still be his affectionate self. You moved your hand away from his and into your lap as you leaned back into the couch. This caused John to look over at you, “Are you alright?” he whispered. You nodded, looking up to see four pairs of eyes on you. You spoke up, “I’m fine, just tired from my flight”. Freddie looked at you with sympathy, “Why don’t you lie down and take a nap, darling. We can wait to start recording so we don’t disturb you.” You shook your head, “No, no, you need to record. Besides, I can sleep with a little noise. I’ll be fine, I promised” You gave them a small smile.

Brian stood up, moving to the recording booth door, “Alright, if you promised you’ll be fine, we should get started. Are we still starting with Rogers song?” Roger nodded, following Brian into the recording booth. Freddie was not far behind, leaving only you and John. John grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his mouth, leaving a kiss on your knuckles. He gave you a small smile as he reached behind him to grab you a blanket. You felt your eyes get heavy as he put the blanket around you. As he got up to join his bandmates, he said “Sleep well, sweet girl.” You felt a smile creep onto your lips as you let yourself be overcome by sleep.

You awoke about 15 minutes later to Freddie saying, “Alright, good. What song was next? John’s?” You sat up, stretching and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You were still tired, but hearing that they were going to be playing John’s song, you didn’t want to miss it. You watched as they all got ready to play. Roger did a count, and they they were playing. The song had barely started, but you already loved it. You felt yourself nodding along to the beat. You waited for Freddie to start singing, but you were taken by surprise when John leaned towards the microphone and began to sing.

“I want to break free I want to break free I want to break free from your lies You’re so self-satisfied, I don’t need you I’ve got to break free God knows, God knows I want to break free”

You were sitting, mouth open, as you took in the song. You had only heard John sing a handful of times, and they were all just under his breath. To actually hear him sing, and the fact that it was his song, took your breath away. Why doesn’t he sing on the albums? You wondered to yourself as the song continued.

“But life still goes on I can’t get used to living without, living without Living without you by my side I don’t want to live alone, hey God knows, got to make it on my own So baby, can’t you see? I’ve got to break free”

You had your eyes closed, taking in the lyrics and the beat of the song. The song ended soon after. You heard the four of them walk back into the room you were in, trying to be quiet as not to wake you up. You heard John whisper, “I wish Y/n would have been awake. I wanted to hear the song.” Freddie quietly chuckled “Don’t worry John, she will. We’ll just have to play it again when she wakes up. Shame, that recording was perfect.” You opened your eyes to see them all crowded around the sound board. You cleared your throat, letting out a small giggle when all four of them whipped their heads around to look at you.

“No need to play it again, I was listening the whole time.” You saw Freddie glance over at John, smiling at his wide eyes. You stayed quiet for a moment before looking John in the eyes “Freddie’s right, it was perfect. You should sing more often Deaky.” You gave him a soft smile, seeing John’s face turn pink before he turned away. Freddie walked over and took a seat next to you as the other three began discussing the album quietly. “I keep telling him he should sing on the album, but he won’t budge, stubborn bastard.” Freddie said quietly, not wanting to draw attention to the two of you. You glanced over at John before nodding your head. “He’s always been stubborn. I just wish he knew how good he sounds when he sings.” Freddie agreed before your attention was directed back to the sound board.

“I think we should go through ‘I Want to Break Free’ again. This time with Freddie on vocals, alright?” John asked. Brian and Roger were already making their way back into the recording booth. Freddie nodded his head as he stood up, following his bandmates. They played the song again, being just as perfect as the last time. Well, almost just as perfect, you thought to yourself as the four of them returned to huddling around the sound board. You were lost in thoughts about John singing when you heard him say “Alright, I think that’s the version that should go on the album. What do you think?” The silence that followed his question brought you back to reality, realizing that it was you who he was asking. You cleared your throat, “Yeah, it was good. Really good, you guys.” A quiet chorus of “thank you” came from the band. You looked up and met Freddie’s eyes. You knew why he wasn’t arguing for John’s version on the album. John would never agree to that, you felt your face drop in sadness at the thought. You curled back into the couch, pulling the blanket up around your chin.

The boys didn’t seem to notice, too caught up in their conversation. Roger took a glance at you, seeing your demeanor had changed. He got up and made his way over to you, sitting next to you. “Everything alright, love?”, he asked, sympathy in his voice. You nodded, giving him a weak smile, “I’m fine, Rog, just tired still.” He nodded, a bit of his blond hair falling in his face, making you giggle. He pushed it back into place before placing his hand on your arm, pulling you into a side hug. “Try and get some more sleep. We’ll wake you up when we’re done for the day, alright?” You nodded, hugging him back.

It was rare that you got to see Roger like this, quiet and caring. “I didn’t know you could be such a softey, Rog.” You felt him laugh as he moved away from you, letting you lay down fully. Giving you a soft smile, he pushed some of your hair away from your face, ‘Only for you, love. Now, get some sleep.” He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze before rejoining his bandmates in their conversation. As your eyes were closing, you swore you could see what could only be described as a glare on John’s face as he looked at Roger. You pushed the thought out of your mind, knowing it was only your imagination.

A few hours later, you awoke to someone shaking your arm. You let out a groan and a quiet “5 more minutes”. You heard a soft chuckle and Brian saying, “Come on Y/n, we’re done recording. Time to get up.” You opened your eyes, blinking as they adjusted to the light. Brian was kneeling on the floor next to the couch, hand on your arm as you fully woke up. You sat up, stretching your arms, causing Brian’s hand to fall to your leg. You gave him a smile as he patted your knee and stood up, reaching a hand out to you to help you do the same. “Where is everybody?” you asked as you stood up, grabbing your bag from beside the couch. “Already by the car. I told them to wait while I woke you up.” Brian held the door open for you as you both made your way outside and towards the car. Sure enough, the other three were standing by the car, Roger leaning up against the door, waiting. “That’s very sweet of you, Brian. Thanks for waking me up.” Brain just shot you a toothy grin as you joined Freddie, Roger, and John. Roger let out a small laugh, “I think you’re forgetting who told Brian to wake you up.” You rolled your eyes, “Of course, how silly of me to forget. Thank you, Roger Taylor, for telling Brian to do something you said you would do yourself.” He stuck his tongue out at you and flipped you off, you blowing him a kiss in return. This caused the rest of the group to laugh.

“Well, we should get going.” Brian said, opening the car door, “Ladies first”. You grinned at him, “How sweet. Thank you, Brian.” You put more emphasis on his name, looking at Roger with a teasing glint in your eyes as you said it. This caused the blond to roll his eyes, but not without a smile forming on his lips. As you sat down in the car, Brian coming in after you and taking the seat to your right, you saw John’s eyes dart between the two of you. There was something in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before. Is John…jealous? You wondered. You shook your head. No, why would he be jealous. Must be my imagination again…right?

The boys started up their conversation again as soon as the car started moving. You weren’t really paying attention, focusing more on the scenery outside the windows. Even though it had been years since you’d been there last, it felt like nothing had changed. Well, except for the boys. And especially Deaky. You glanced to your left, seeing John deep in the conversation. Without much of a second thought, you leaned over and rested your head on his shoulder. You felt him let out a shaky breath, but kept going with whatever he had been saying. His hand found your instinctively, grabbing it and bring it along with his to rest in his lap. His thumb was tracing patterns into your palm, making you giggle at the feeling. You could tell he was smiling. You didn’t have to look at his face, you could hear it in his voice. You could feel your eyes closing, drifting back to sleep. You were only focused on your head on John’s shoulder and his hand in yours. I wish it could be like this all the time, you thought before you fell asleep. What you didn’t know was that, at that same moment, John was wishing for the same thing.

It wasn’t long before you woke up to John tapping on your leg, whispering that it was time to go. You blinked and looked around the car, realizing that you two were the only ones in it. “Where is everybody?” You asked with a yawn. “Home. Brian was just dropped off, Roger and Freddie were dropped off about 10 minutes ago.” He moved to open the door, stepping out and holding it open for you. “I’m sorry for falling asleep on your shoulder, Deaky. How long was I out?” John chuckled quietly, “Only 15 minutes. And you don’t need to apologize, pretty girl. I just hope I was comfortable.” This made you laugh, nodding your head. “Very comfortable, Deaky.” The two of you walked up to the door to his apartment. “I couldn’t get the pull-out bed to work, so I’ll be sleeping on the couch and you can have my bed.” John quickly said as the two of you walked into his living room. You turned to look at your best friend, a questioning look on your face. “What? Do I have something on my face?” He asked. You shook your head, letting out a breathy laugh, “No. I’m looking at you because you think you’re sleeping on the couch. Deaky, we can share the bed.” John’s gaze met yours, “I didn’t know if you’d want to. I know we used to all the time, but it’s been years and I just didn’t kn-” You held up your hand, stopping John mid sentence, “John Deacon, we are both going to sleep in your bed. Alright?” He nodded, wide-eyed. You lowered your hand, shoving it into the pocket of your coat. “Thank you though, for being courteous. I appreciate it Deaky.” He smiled at you before making his way towards his room, “Of course, love.”

You took off your coat, hanging it on the rack and placing your bag on the floor. You stretched, taking in John’s apartment. It was spacious, not much furniture. John, ever the minimalist you laughed to yourself. You saw that there was a bass by the armchair in the living room, a record player not far behind it. There was no coffee table, making you smile, Deaky did always like to have room to dance, you thought, remembering all the late nights you two would put on a record and dance. It would start out with one of his hands around your middle, the other holding your hand. As you two danced, the positions would change. By the end, your hands would always be around his neck and his would always be around your waist, hands resting just above your ass. He would have a tight grip on you, holding you close to him, as if he were afraid you would just leave. You were brought back to reality by a familiar feeling at the base of your stomach. Great, I’m getting turned on thinking about dancing with my best friend while standing in his living room, you walked down the hallway, to what you figured was John’s room. The door was open, so you walked in, not thinking anything of it. The sight you were greeted with almost made you let out a moan.

John had his back facing to you, not having heard you walk up. He had a pair of gray sweats on, hanging low on his hips. You could feel your thighs squeezing together when he turned around. He was shirtless and you could clearly see how defined his muscles had become. You bit your lip, feeling your face heat up as his eyes met yours. He looked at you, eyes dark for a split second, before becoming questioning. “Everything alright?” You nodded, afraid that if you opened your mouth, a moan would slip out. John reached for a shirt, slinging it over his shoulder before walking out of your room. “I’ll leave you to get changed then.” he said lowly, his tone going straight to your core. You hurriedly shut the door to his room.

“Holy shit”, you whispered to yourself. You looked around, realizing that you had left your bag out in the living room. You silently cursed yourself before looking for something of John’s to wear. You found a plain black t-shirt that looked like it would be too big even for John. Perfect, you thought. You started undressing, taking off your button up, then your socks and shoes, and finally your jeans. You decided to take your bra off too, wanting to be comfortable. You could feel that your panties had accumulated a wet spot, cursing yourself again as you didn’t have a pair to change into. You put on John’s shirt, smiling at how big it was on you. It landed just below your ass, not really hiding the fact that you weren’t wearing any bottoms. I’m going to go out there and grab my bag so I can finish changing, you thought to yourself as you walked back out into the hallway.

You could see your bag leaning against the wall by the door. You didn’t see John, so you hoped you could grab your bag quick. You were almost there when you heard from behind you, “I got a movie started for us. Do you want some popc-” It was the second time that night John had been interrupted by you. This time, you had not meant to do it. You turned when you heard John abruptly stop talking. You took in a sharp breath, noticing that he had forgone putting on the shirt he grabbed. You could feel some of your wetness start to slide down your thighs, so you crossed your legs, trying not to make it noticeable. “I-I’m sorry. I forgot my bag out here and figured I could borrow your shirt for tonight.” You were looking down at your hands, not wanting to look your best friend in the eye. How can I look him in the eye when I’m literally dripping because he’s shirtless? You scolded yourself. John shook his head, “No, It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to walk out here with no pants on.” You let out a small laugh, trying to get rid of the awkwardness. “Yeah, sorry about that.” You finally looked up and met his eyes, but they weren’t their usual gray color. They were almost fully black, like his pupils had taken over.

“I’m never said I’m complaining, pretty girl.” he smirked. You took in another sharp breath, the nickname that was always cute and sweet suddenly taking on a different, more suggestive meaning. You ducked your head, not wanting him to see how red your face was. Making your way over to the couch, you sat with your back to John “Popcorn sounds great, Deaky.” There was no response, just footsteps walking toward you. A large bowl of popcorn was placed on the couch in front of you. “Good. I wouldn’t want all this to go to waste.” You laughed as you grabbed a handful and started eating. Deaky grabbed the bowl, placing it in his lap as he sat where he had put it. He glanced down, noticing that your legs were curled up. “Would you like to stretch those out, pretty girl?” You nodded, giving him a thankful smile when he moved the bowl once more. You let out a sigh as you rested your legs across John’s lap.

He started the movie, but you were not at all paying attention to it. About 5 minutes in, John had begun rubbing your ankle with his thumb. You had dismissed it until his hand started moving farther up your leg. It was now resting just above your knee, still rubbing your skin with his thumb. It was taking all your effort to not squirm or make any sounds. He probably just thinks this is an innocent gesture, but he has no idea what it’s doing to me, you bit your lip as he moved his hand up a little farther, fingers now playing with the edge of his shirt. He glanced over at you, smirk on his lips, “Everything alright, sweet girl. You seem a little…distracted.” Your eyes widened at his statement. The bastard has been doing this on purpose you thought in disbelief.

You grabbed his hand before it could move up any farther. This caused John to look at you and try to pull his hand back. You tightened your grip, not letting his hand move from out of your grasp. “I’m sorry Y/n. I don’t know what I was thinking. Do you want me to stop? I’ll stop if you want me to.” John started rambling, eyes going wide. You shook your head. “I don’t want you to stop, John.” He look at you, confused “They why did you move my hand away?” You took a deep breath, “Because I don’t want this to just be a one time hookup thing, John. I don’t want this to just be because I came out here with no pants on.” He looked at you, still confused. “What do you mean?”

You scoffed, “You have never acted like this around me before, John. Why now? Is it only because I walked out here looking like this?” John opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, but closed it again. He leaned his head back and took a shaky breath. “The reason I’m acting like this now is because I was finally confident enough to. I have wanted to do this for so long, Y/n, since we met in college. I just never felt like it was the right time or like I was good enough for you.” You started to say something, but John continued, “I’m not doing this just because of what you’re wearing. I’ve always thought you looked beautiful and I would have done this sooner, but I was always too nervous. I thought that you would reject me or that you wouldn’t love me back…”

John stopped himself, mouth closing, eyes going wide as he looked over at you. You were holding your breath, not believing what you just heard. “You-you love me?” you asked quietly. John slowly nodded his head, “I do. Not just platonic love, Y/n. I’m in love with you.” You let out the breath you’d been holding. I can’t believe it. John Deacon loves me back you almost started crying at the thought. John was looking at you, waiting for you to say something. You could see sadness creeping into his gaze as you sat there in silence. But you couldn’t find the words to say. So you didn’t say anything. You just leaned over and kissed him.

You felt John tense for a moment before melting into the kiss. His lips were soft and sweet against yours. You pulled away after a few seconds, leaning your forehead against his. “I’m in love with you too, Deaky.” You felt him let out what almost sounded like a sob. His arms wrapped around you pulling you closer to him as he buried his head into your neck. “I was so worried you wouldn’t feel the same.” he whispered. You ran your fingers through his curls, wincing at the uncomfortable position you were in. You pushed yourself out of his grasp slightly, making him look back at you with those wide eyes. You let out a small laugh “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’m just getting more comfortable.” He smiled at that, dropping his arms to let you move more freely “Good. Because right here is where I want you.”

You giggled, “Who knew you were so cheesy?” He laughed, sitting up more against the back of the couch, “I’ve always been cheesy. Now, I can just be even more cheesy since your my…” he trailed off, realizing that he didn’t know what you were now. You sat up on your legs before throwing one over John’s hips, straddling him. “Girlfriend, Deaky. I’m your girlfriend.” You swore he was about to cry as he pulled you into another hug, this time with your head nestling into his neck. Your arms slipped around his neck as his fell down to your waist, bringing back the memories of the two of you dancing together. That reminded you of just how turned on you were before. You shifted in John’s lap, making him tense under you. You looked up at him and muttered a quiet “sorry, Deaky”. His hands moved to your hips and gave them a squeeze. “There’s no need to apologize. Besides, I’m not complaining.” You sat up and met his gaze, seeing that dark look from earlier return to his eyes.

You smirked at him before pulling him into another kiss, this one more hungry than the last. You shifted your hips again, making John let out a quiet groan. You giggled in to the kiss, feeling his hands tighten on your hips. You felt him smirk, and move his hands down to your ass, giving it a squeeze. This make you gasp and John took this opportunity to shove his tongue in your mouth. You let out a small moan when his hands, still on your ass, began to help you grind onto him. You pressed your hips down onto him, causing him to groan loudly. You felt one of his hands move away from your ass only to come back down, hard. You involuntarily let out a loud moan, covering your mouth with embarrassment.

“Oh, you like being spanked baby girl? I’ll have to remember that” he said with a wink. You could feel that your wetness had soaked through your panties, and you knew that John could feel it too. As if he could read your mind, he reached his hand down between your legs and just pressed two fingers against your core. “Who made you this wet, pretty girl?” he whispered as he began leaving kissing and little bites down your neck. You were already a mess, not being able to form a sentence. He moved his finger away, making you let out a whine. “I asked you a question, baby. Use your words. Who made this little pussy soaked?” You gasped at his words, never expecting John to be into dirty talk. “You did, John. It’s all for you”. He moved his fingers back, rubbing along your clothed slit, “Good girl.”

Your hips bucked into his touch, making John let out a low chuckle. “Eager, are we?” he asked, moving his hand away again. You whined, hips following his hand, desperate for any kind of friction. His hand came down on your ass again, forcing a whimper out of you. “Be patient, baby girl.” he said sternly. All you could do is nod is response. His hands gripped right underneath your ass as he stood up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, leaving kisses along his collarbone as he carried you to his room.

He stopped right before his bed, causing you to look at him, silently asking why. He gave you a small smile before kissing your lips softly. You could swear that your heart melted with how much love he poured into that small kiss. He laid you down on his bed, standing up to look at you with that soft gaze you’d known for years. His eyes roamed down, taking in his shirt had ridden up, giving him full view of your gray panties, wet spot more than visible on them now. When his eyes moved back up to meet yours, you were met with a gaze that was quite new to you: a gaze full of lust, love, and hunger.

He crawled over top of you, one hand on your hip, the other in your hair. He was slowly kissing down your neck, making you squirm. You wanted more. I need more, you thought to yourself as he lightly bit over your pulse. “Tell me what you want, sweet girl” he whispered as his lips ghosted over your collarbone. I never knew John was this dominant you thought, a smirk forming on your lips. You were going to test just how dominant he could be. “I want you to hurry up and get on with it Deaky” you said, surprised that your voice wasn’t too shaky.

You felt his grip tighten in your hair, pulling your head back as he growled into your neck. He raised his head, and moved so his mouth was right next to your ear. “You wanna say that again, sweetheart?” You shook your head, eyes going wide at how his voice seemed to have lowered an octave. “Now, you’re going to be a good girl for me, right princess?” You moaned at the pet name, thighs clenching together unconsciously. John let out another growl as the hand that was on your hip gripped your thigh and spread your legs. “I said that you’re going to be a good girl for me, understand?” You nodded quickly, realizing that you really liked dominant John.

He lightly pushed his hips into yours, pulling a low groan from your throat. “I asked you a question, princess”. Realizing what he wanted, you were quick to answer “I’ll be good, I promised.” “Good girl” he whispered, nibbling on your earlobe before kissing down to where he left off on your collarbone. He reached the hem of his shirt and let out a growl. “This has got to go. Want to see all of you, baby” You sat up, grabbing the hem of the shirt and pulling it over your head. You threw it blindly onto the floor, laying back down onto the bed and looking up at John with with feigned innocence.

He let out a moan as he took you in. “Look at my pretty girl, all laid out for me.” You whimpered at his words, feeling yourself grow somehow wetter. His eyes shifted down to where you were rubbing your thighs together, trying to get some friction. He put both of his hands on your hips, stilling your movements. “Do you want me to help you with that, baby girl?” You nodded before remembering that he wanted you to speak up “Yes please” His fingers slipped under the waistband of your panties, teasing your skin. “Beg for me.” You felt your eyes widen, meeting John’s as he looked at you expectantly.

“Please John. I need you to touch me. Please, I need it so bad. I’ve been so good for you. Please, please, please, Deaky.” His eyes softened for a moment at the nickname before he slipped back into his dominant demeanor. “You sound so pretty when you beg.” He pulled your panties down your legs, tossing them over his shoulder. You closed your legs instinctively, suddenly becoming a bit self-conscious. He placed a kiss on your knee, “Come on baby, open up for me. Let me see that pretty pussy.” You let out a moan at his words, letting your legs fall open and rest on either side of John. “Such a pretty pussy for a pretty girl.” He licked his lips, shifting so he was lying between your legs.

This caused your heart to race. It had been ages since anyone had gone down on you, so you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long. John took his thumb and pressed it gently against your clit. Your hips bucked, whimpering at the tiniest bit of friction he was giving you. He looked up at you, “Remember what I said about patience, baby”. You nodded, making sure you didn’t move your hips as he began lightly circling your clit. You let out a strangled moan as one of his fingers suddenly pushed inside you.

“Fuck, princess, you’re absolutely soaked.” John moaned as began pumping his finger slowly. You let out a whimper every time he pushed it in, feeling how deep it was. You laid your head back, closing your eyes and focusing on the feeling of having one of John’s long, calloused fingers inside your pussy. Your eyes suddenly shot open when you felt his tongue lightly lick your clit. He let out a chuckle as your head shot up when he did it again. “Oh, do you like that baby? Do you want me to lick your soaked pussy?” You whimpered, “Fuck, yes please”.

That was all it took before John had his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking on it and flicking it with his tongue. You were a moaning mess already and he had only just started. When did he become so good with his mouth? You wondered as a rough flick of his tongue made you see stars. You let out a small whine when he took his finger out of you, moving his hands to grip your hips hard enough to leave bruises.

You almost screamed when you felt John’s tongue slide into your pussy. Your hands shot to his hair, pulling slightly. He groaned as he continued to fuck you with his tongue. He pulled away slightly, “God I was right to call you sweet girl” He moved back to licking and sucking your clit. You could feel yourself getting closer to the edge. “John, please let me cum. Please, please can I cum?” He let out a moan, sending vibrations straight to your clit. “Fuck, princess. Cum for me. Cum all over my tongue.” He pushed his tongue back into your pussy, groaning as he felt your walls tighten. You were moaning his name over and over again, pulling at his hair. He licked up all your juices, helping you ride out your orgasm and cleaning you up. You slumped back against the bed, catching your breath. You reached down and pulled John up, pushing your lips against his. You moaned when you tasted yourself on his tongue, causing him to grind into your hip. You continued kissing him as your hands snaked down to untie his sweats. You pushed a hand inside, grasping him. He let out a gasp as you started slowly stroking him.

“Fuck. I need to be inside you, baby girl.” You nodded as you pushed his sweats down, eyes going wide when you saw how big he was. I know I was just touching him, but god damn he’s big you thought to yourself as he began stroking himself. “Like what you see, baby?” he asked when he noticed you were staring. Your mouth began to water as you nodded. You moved to sit on your knees, making John let out a small laugh. “As much as I would like to get in that pretty mouth, I might die if I don’t fuck you right now.” You laughed, causing John to smile before joining you with his own laugh.

This was just like old times. Sitting on John’s bed laughing about anything and everything. Except those times, you both weren’t naked. You laid back down, pulling John down with you. He started rubbing himself against your clit, making you both gasp. He looked at you for, waiting for permission. You grabbed the back of his neck, pulling his head down so you could whisper in his ear. “Come on, Deaky, fuck me with that big cock of yours.” The only warning he gave you was a growl before he slammed inside you. You let out a loud moan, nails running down his back. “You want me to fuck you, princess?” He was thrusting, going slow, but pushing his cock deep inside you. You decided to test the waters a bit more. You bit your lip, looking up at John with big, innocent eyes. “I want you to fuck me like the little slut I am.”

John’s eyes went wide at your bluntness, letting out a deep moan. His hands found their positions from earlier, one on your hip, the other in your hair. He pulled out of you almost all the way before slamming back into you. You opened your mouth in a silent scream. He kept pounding into you at a relentless pace. He growled as he lifted one of your legs over his shoulder, making you scream at the new angle. “Fuck, John, right there, don’t stop please.” You were only able to say a few words in between your moans. John’s mouth was right next to your ear, whispering to you. “Yeah, right there? You like how my cock feels inside your tight little pussy, stretching you?” All you could do was nod, no longer able to form words.

You could feel your second orgasm approaching. The hand John had in your hair moved down to your throat, resting it there. You put your hand over his, urging him to squeeze tighter. “Oh, you like being choked? Such a dirty girl.” You could feel your pussy begin to tighten around John. “Are you gonna cum again for me, princess? Gonna cum all over my cock?” You let out a loud moan as your legs began to shake. “That’s right, cum for me pretty girl.” Your eyes rolled back into your head as your second orgasm washed over you. You could hear John groan above you, his thrusts getting sloppy as he neared his own orgasm. “Fuck, you’re so tight. ‘m not gonna last much longer, baby. Where do want it?” He looked at you, needing an answer soon. “Inside me” you replied, voice completely fucked out. John let out a moan, burying his face in your neck. You tugged at his hair, “Come on, baby, cum for me. Fill me up.” He moaned again, higher pitched than the others as you felt him cum inside you.

He slowly pulled out of you when he was finished, flopping down beside you. You were both breathing heavy, covered in a light sheen of sweat. His hair was messed up from you pulling it and you didn’t imagine your’s looked any better. John got up, walking to the bathroom and emerging with a wet rag to clean you up. He was gentle, knowing how sensitive you were. When he was done, he put the rag in the laundry basket. He laid back down beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to his chest. He kissed your forehead, making you smile.

“Wow” was all you could say. He giggled, “Wow indeed”. You realized that your soft John was back as you both laughed. He moved his hand under your chin, tilting your head up. Your eyes met his as he whispered “I love you Y/n” He pulled you into a kiss, smiling when you mumbled “I love you too John” against his lips.

You awoke to the sound of people talking. You opened your eyes slowly as the memories from last night came back to you. You grinned to yourself, finally having it sink it that John Deacon, your best friend, was now also your boyfriend. You got up, grabbing the shirt you were wearing last night and a new pair of panties from your bag, which John must have put in his room when you were sleeping. You also decided to grab a pair of shorts, remembering that there were multiple voices coming from the living room.

You walked out of the hallway, identifying the voices as coming from Freddie, Brian, Roger, and, of course, John. “Ah, look who it is. Sleeping beauty decided to get up”. You flipped Roger off for the comment, going to the kitchen to make some coffee. You noticed John was already there, wearing the same sweats as the night before and a plain white t-shirt. He handed you a mug with coffee inside, made just the way you like it. You took a sip, humming happily at the taste.

John leaned down, kissing your cheek and whispering, “I hope you’re not mad, but I already told them.” You looked up at him, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’m not mad, Deaky. Just not ready for the comments from Roger.” you whispered back, drawing a laugh from the man in front of you. You heard someone clear their throat, making you turn to face the other three men. Brian had a small smile on his face, Freddie was grinning, and Roger had his lips in a smirk. You stood there awkwardly, waiting for someone to break the silence.

Freddie stood up from where he was sitting on the couch and made his way over to you and John. He pulled the both of you into a tight hug. “It’s about damn time. I’ve been waiting for you two to get together forever” You give Freddie a smile as you return the hug. “I’m happy for the both of you. I can tell you’re really happy together” Brian said, moving to lean against the kitchen counter. You gave him a quiet “thank you” and a small smile, which he returned. You turned to Roger, waiting for him to say something. “Alright, out with it Rog. Whatever it is you want to say, just say it.” You crossed your arms over your chest as Roger spoke. “Did you two shag last night?” This caused the other three men to groan. “Really, Roger, that’s the first thing you say?” Brian asked, rolling his eyes. “What, it’s an honest question.” Roger defended himself. You shook your head, looking back at John, who was already smiling down at you. “Yeah, we did. And it was fucking incredible, no pun intended.” John suddenly said, causing you to blush. Roger nodded, a satisfied look on his face. Everyone moved to sit in the living room. John sat in the armchair, pulling you to sit on his lap. He pecked your cheek as his arms settled around your waist. You began playing with his fingers, not paying attention to the conversation around you.

You were suddenly drawn from your thoughts by Roger asking “So a girl I was with called me ‘daddy’ in bed the other night…” Your head shot up as Brian and Freddie told Roger not to talk about his sex life. “Shut up! I wanted to ask if you all thought it’s weird. Because honestly, it was kind of hot.” Brian groaned loudly as Freddie started laughing. You and John remained silent as Freddie and Brian said that it wasn’t something that they were in to. The three men on the couch looked to you and John expectantly. John was silent, tense underneath you. You cleared your throat, “Um…I don’t think it’s weird.” Roger’s mouth formed into a wide grin. “Looks like we found something Y/n likes.” he teased as you felt your face heat up. Why did I have to say something? Now John’s gonna think I’m weird you scolded yourself.

The conversation shifted to when the band was going to record next. Before long, the three men were getting up and saying their goodbyes. You walked them to the door, giving each a hug goodbye, and pushing Roger lightly when he winked at you. “It was nice to see you again, Y/n” Freddie said as he gave you another quick hug. As soon as you closed the door behind them, you leaned your forehead against it. You took a deep breath, turning around to find John standing behind you.

“Deaky, I’m sorry if I weirded you out, I shouldn’t hav-” “Did you mean it?” he interrupted you. You gave him a questioning look, not understanding what his question meant. He took a step closer to you, “Did you mean it when you said it wasn’t weird?” Your eyes went wide when you realized what he was talking about. You nodded slowly, seeing that dark look return to John’s eyes. He closed the gap between you, kissing you with such force it nearly knocked the wind out of you. He pulled away, gasping for breath. He squatted down slightly, hooking his arms around your thighs and picking you up. You were both headed back to John’s room, you smirking against his neck. You knew you had a wild day ahead of you. And you hoped there would be many, many more to come.

#john deacon x reader #john deacon fanfiction #john deacon fic #john deacon smut #john deacon #deaky #freddie mercury #brian may #roger taylor #queen #queen band #this is just shameless smut i wrote for myselt that i thought y'all would enjoy #my writing

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