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#tw toxic thoughts
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a toxic part of me hopes everyone who has neglected me will feel guilty after i unalive
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bluurange · 2 months
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this game has got me insane and even though work n life has been punching me, i'm at the Narinder battle rn and HHHHHH many thoughts so far lmao
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lostmf · 8 months
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pain-is-my-game · 1 year
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Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.
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floatyflowers · 10 months
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Dark! Hannibal Lecter, and John Wick x Young Mother! Reader
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(Warning: Age gap, reader is a legal adult)
Hannibal Lecter
You booked a thereby session with him, but he did not expect you to attend with your baby.
"I really apologise, but I couldn't leave my daughter at home, and the babysitter cancelled in the last minute-"
"It's alright, Ms. (L/n), I don't mind at all"
Apparently, you needed therapy to get over your boyfriend's death as it traumatized you.
And Hannibal found it as a chance to get closer to you as the sessions became frequent and longer.
Allowing him to be more obsessed with you.
"I advise you to find a new partner, it will help you move on"
"No one would like to date a single mother like me, Dr. Lecter"
"Nonsense"
Little by little, Hannibal became closer to you providing for you and your child, making sure all your needs are met with expensive gifts.
Even though you refused at first, but Hannibal managed to convince you that he is doing all of this because you are a dear friend.
However, you don't know that he is the one who murdered your boyfriend from the beginning.
And made your friend suggest him as a therapist.
It is all going according to plan.
The next step is marriage and him adopting your baby.
John Wick
You were the daughter of Viggo Tarasov and a single young mother living in your father's mansion in peace.
That was until your brother, Iosef, screwed things up and decided to kill John Wick's dog and steal his car.
Of course, it led to your family demise.
You don't know why he didn't kill you and your son, maybe he wasn't heartless as he seemed.
When John took you and your son with him to live in his home, you did not fight him, fearing for your baby's life.
For the first month living with John, you refused to speak to him and stay almost all day in your room with your son.
Honestly, John bought all the necessities, making sure you are comfortable.
"Why did you keep me and my baby alive?"
That's the first question you ask him after the tragic night, no fear in your eyes, only confusion.
"It's not your fault"
That answer didn't satisfy your curiosity.
"Then why did you force me to come with you?"
John only grabs your delicate hands with his rough ones, smiling a bit.
"So, you can take the place of my wife"
Part Two
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marrymenowplz23 · 2 months
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Meanspo
If this will trigger you then please DO NOT read this but for all my peeps who want some motivation to keep going
don’t stop
1 week can make so much progress
imagine all the weight you’ll lose
finally at your goal weight
finally happy
don’t stop
take it day by day
eat as little as you can
don’t eat at all
LOSE THE WEIGHT
don’t stop
you don’t wanna be fat do you?
continue eating like that
and eventually you’ll be a whale
you’ll be even bigger than you are now
don’t stop
it’s all gonna pay off
everyone will love you once your skinnier
you’ll finally be worthy
come on, you wanna be thin right?
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gloomydiary · 2 months
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life is overwhelming me
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I have my father's rage inside of me. And it's getting bigger and bigger, I can't stop it this time. It's killing me, I don't wanna turn into him, I hate this man sooo much, he has ruined my life.
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lovesick-wonderland · 7 months
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Toy || C.BG
Summary: In which Beomgyu views you as just his toy to use and abuse.
Pairings: Toxic Bully! Choi Beomgyu x reader, Mingyu is mentioned
Warnings: DARK CONTENT, 18+, violence, noncon, smut, mean dom Beomgyu, unprotected sex, creampie, degradation, jealous Beomgyu, sub y/n, gender neutral y/n, dacryphilia, pushover y/n, toxic Beomgyu/toxic TXT, self loathing y/n
University au
Word count: 1.6k
Minor please DNI
Disclaimer: this is a work of pure fiction. I do not condone the actions of any characters in this story and the actions do not reflect the idols in any way.
Beomgyu's just so mean.
He's always been this way, ever since you were young, tugging your hair, pushing you around into the walls, insulting your personality and looks while your eyes would water and tears would roll down your cheeks. He would especially insult your looks and intelligence, making sure you understand that you, in his eyes, were inferior to him in every way.
Even when you were reduced to a blubbering mess, Beomgyu still wouldn't stop. He just got meaner, laughing and pointing out how pathetic you looked.
When you went off to university, you were hoping to avoid Beomgyu at all costs. Unfortunately, it turned out he was going to the same university as you and somehow found a way to terrorize you even though you two were in different departments. 
Interactions with him always ended the same way: you in tears.
Truth be told, Beomgyu was addicted to your tears. He loved the redness of your nose and cheeks, how your tears would fall, how uneven your breathing became, how despite you trying to hold back your sobs, sniffles, and whimpers, they would escape. 
Beomgyu also lived for your reactions. He especially loved that no matter what he would say, you would just stand there and take it. Years of him wearing you down reduced you to a spineless, submissive mess. You wouldn't even make eye contact with him anymore, only looking at your shoes when you were in his vicinity.
He loves the softness of your voice when you speak, the plushness of your flesh when he digs his teeth and nails into you. He loves the silkiness of your hair when he tugs at it to make you look up at him. He even loves your wide eyes full of fear when he forces you to look at him.
Although he would never admit it to anyone, in his own sick way, he was addicted to you. 
You were his. His toy, his ragdoll to play with.
So, why were you hanging out with another guy? From the way the other guy was looking at you, Beomgyu was almost certain he was interested in you. 
Beomgyu spots you happily laughing with another guy in the hallway, walking together to your next lecture. Mingyu, he recognizes. You're wearing baggy clothes and your hair is a mess as usual, your hand clutching your tote bag as you look up at Mingyu, a smile on both of you twos lips.
Searing rage rises from the pit of Beomgyu's stomach as he storms towards the two of you. He sees red for a split second, and the next thing he knows, he's ripping you away from Mingyu with an iron grip. 
"Hey, is everything okay?" Mingyu asks, looking back and forth between Beomgyu and you, eyes full of concern.
"Everything's fine. Isn't it?" Beomgyu says, tightening his grip on you and looking at you. From the look he was giving you, you knew you knew you were in for punishment.
You nod your head weakly and agree with him. Your body feels boneless and your head lightheaded as you reassure the guy that everything's fine and that Beomgyu is simply your friend. Beomgyu nods in approval and excuses you two, promptly dragging you away.
It's unsurprising when Beomgyu pushes you into a random janitorial closet roughly once the guy is out of sight, quickly switching on the light, locking the door from the inside, and slamming you against the wall. You're quivering at this point, afraid of what's to come.
"I'm sorry, he just needed help on calculus. I helped him through just a couple problems. I swear I didn't tell him anything. I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry–" You blabber as you try to apologize and come up with an excuse.
Beomgyu just stares at you, eyes burning into you. Despite how ugly and pathetic he thinks you are, in the back of his head, he thinks you're cute, quivering and trying to get out of the situation like a rabbit cornered. He even thinks about letting you go without doing the things he wants to. But the greater chunk of his brain screams at him that someone is trying to take you away from him. Even worse, that you would be happy to run away from him with them. He needs to make sure you know you're his.
What surprises you is that Beomgyu kisses you with bruising force. He's never done that to you before, and instinctively, your hands go to his chest to push him away. Beomgyu pulls away when he realizes you're trying to push you away. You feel your stomach drop when you see his expression. He grabs you by your hair and slams your head against the stone wall. Your eyes feel like they're rattling in their sockets, and the room spins as tears spill from your eyes from the pain.
"Don't you dare fucking resist me unless you want your skull bashed in. Now be good for me like you've always been." Beomgyu says against your lips before kissing you again.
This time, you don't dare to resist. You hesitantly kiss back as your hands drop to your side.
Beomgyu makes a hum of approval before his tongue worms his way into your mouth. He pushes his lips more against yours, swiping his tongue over your teeth and gums as if he was trying to devour you alive. At a lost for what to do, your tongue stays stagnant in your mouth as you continue standing stiffly.
It's clear Beomgyu knows why. He pulls back with a laugh.
"You've never kissed before, right? Never fucked anyone either?"
You avoid his gaze and shake your head, cheeks flushing. 
"Fucking virgin, flirting with other guys in front of me like you're worth something." Beomgyu says before laughing again, "Aren't you glad I'm about to teach you how to fuck? You'd be so lost and embarrassed without me. Most people aren't as patient as me, you know."
You feel dizzy. You're not glad at all for what's to come in fact, the sheer idea of Beomgyu stealing your virginity after stealing your first kiss makes your body feel cold. But you don't want to upset him further, much less make your body more bruised, so you respond the way he likes.
So you whisper a soft, "Yes, thank you," and nod. 
Beomgyu lets out a sinister smile. His hands fly to your shirt, quickly tugging your shirt above your head. His mouth to your neck, sucking hickies into your neck as he makes quick work of your pants and underwear.
You feel uncomfortable in your skin. Your neck feels like it's being burned where Beomgyu touches. You try to zone out, focus on the wall, on the buzz of the lights, on anything but him while Beomgyu continues to torment you. However, it jolts you back to reality when you feel his length prod at your entrance. 
He doesn't even bother prepping you on his fingers or tongue. He doesn't even bother to undress fully, just tugging down his pants and freeing his length.
"Beomgyu… do you have a condom?" You ask fearfully, trying not to look down.
Beomgyu doesn't respond, using brute force to force his length into you, carving himself into your walls until he's flush against you and pulling your hips towards him. 
When you cry out in pain, the stretch burning, more tears falling, Beomgyu responds by degrading you.
"Oh, you can't take me? You really think you deserve what I'm giving you? Be grateful I'm giving you anything at all."
Your stomach twists and more tears spill out of your eyes. Maybe he was right, you didn't see yourself as particularly attractive, well you were certainly less attractive when compared to him. You weren't particularly smart either, there were always other people who did better than you in many aspects. Plus, you've always had issues talking with other people. Maybe he was right that you were lucky. Someone as attractive and intelligent as him gives his precious time to you. Other people would kill to be kissed and fucked by Choi Beomgyu.
"Fuck, I love it when you cry for me. Cry for me more. Sob for me more." Beomgyu groans, beginning to increase his pace until he's pushing you up against the wall with his body, jackhammering into your poor abused hole. 
Beomgyu looked debauched, eyes rolling back in pleasure, getting lost in your tight warmth. He's sweaty, hair sticking to his forehead and sweat starting to soak through his shirt. Even like this, you thought, he looked more beautiful than you'd ever be.
"Beomgyu, please please please pull out." You plead softly, slightly above a whisper. You're scared of him hearing, but you don't want him to risk finishing inside you.
You requests go ignored as Beomgyu reaches his peak.
"Fucking take it!" Beomgyu moans with a particular hard thrust, pulling your hips flush against his as he stills in you.
You squirm and whimper as you feel hot cum flood into you as Beomgyu lets out a moan, panting heavily. You feel some of it ooze out and drip onto to cement floor of the storage closet. 
Beomgyu pushes your hair back, tucking some stray strands of your hair behind your ear. It's tender, almost romantic.
Beomgyu pulls out, quickly tucking himself into his pants and smoothing out his hair. However, it was apparent what had happened, given his panting, dilated pupils, sweaty body, and flushed cheeks. You collapse on the floor, staring at the locked door.
He spares one look at you before he exits, unlocking and slamming the door shut. But not before making something extremely clear verbally.
"You're my toy. Mine to play with, mine to break. Don't you dare even think about being around other people who aren't named 'Choi Beomgyu'."
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mycptsdstory · 8 months
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To add; "They left out that children aren’t your purpose in life. They shouldn’t give your life meaning. That’s something you should have already had."
Tweets and this comment found on Reddit.
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imallyoursssss · 6 months
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sexiersecrets · 7 months
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Want him to be like this over me ⋆˙⟡♡
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lostmf · 4 months
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By @cvnfvse
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pain-is-my-game · 1 year
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It's terrible knowing that if I ever show sadness or show anything emotion that's not positive towards anything whether it's my fault or not I'll either get blamed for it or told that my emotions are irrational.
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liebemich · 8 months
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Let's ruin each other ♡ (romantically)
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battling-my-demons · 8 months
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You know you're alone when it's late and you have no one to talk to about how you're struggling.
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