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kenmasangel · 3 years

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getting back together after years

synopsis : the get back, part 1 “why am i even with you”

characters : sakusa, tsukishima

genre : fluff

warning : cursing, mention of alcohol

an : sorry for any gramma or spelling mistakes, everytime i’d right it was nighttime and i’d be really tired so i wasn’t able to focus 100%. please notice me of any mistakes masterlist

Sakusa Kiyoomi

years have passed since your break up with sakusa, it was a sad but necessary break up for you to move on and finally glow up

you also realized that the only person you truly ever needed was yourself and you worked hard to be the person you are today

“at the end of the day, men are trash,” you would try to cheer your friend who had a fight with her boyfriend in one of the best clubs of tokyo. “so wipe your tears and come move your hips,”

on the professional side you became tokyo's favorite journalist, sports related; not only because of your looks but also your professionalism and personality

every hot athlete you've ever interviewed tried to get with you, but they always got rejected

on the other hand sakusa joined MSBY Black Jackals; a professional volleyball team in japan's v.league, in the top tier of division 1

yes sir period

he never dated someone else, the break up kinda broke his heart but he'll never admit it

he also became more distant with people lowkey

however, one day your manager called you to tell you about who are you going to interview next

as she mentionned the name of a famous volleyball team you couldn’t stop your mind of thinking about your ex who used to play volleyball

little did you know that he was a part of the team

lmao who gon tell you

when you got back home you decided to do some research about that MSBY team or whatever

...

oh to your surprise when you saw sakusa kiyoomi’s face there

“no shit,” you mumbled to yourself lowkey annoyed

after the brake up you grew stronger and more independent as you put in mind that all men are trash, you didn’t want to go through that steretipycal sad phase where your self confidence would be all crushed. you wanted to remain strong and you learned how to truly love yourself without expecting anything from anyone as you had your own self

period boo

anyway, you kinda had numbed all your feelings, and to see him now made all your memories with him comeback; how you first met, your first kiss, your first dates and that fight

so here you were, in your appartement checking out their previous interviews trying to get all the juice you needed yet your mind would still zone out on his face

“just keep it pro, y/n, he probably even forgot about you, just keep it pro,” you told yourself before turning off your pc

the day of the interview, here we finally are. the MSBY team knew they had an interview with the most appreciated journalist of all times so they got ready.

“do y’all think they’re cute ?” asks atsumu, “if they’re cute you better back off guys, i’m sure i’m going to catch their attention anyway,” he cockily adds flipping his bang and flexing his muscles, no one bothered answering him at this point they were used to him

“they’re here,” their manager clapped in his hands. “don’t forget what i told you guys, they are very influent so don’t mess it up and don’t scare them away,” he looked at atsumu and bokuto who just stuck their tongues out

“good morning,” you greeted all of them and bowed, “i’m l/n y/n, the journalist who’ll interview you today,” you looked at all of them with a poker face. saying that sakusa was surprised would be an understatement; he was in shock, his brain forgot how to function correctly. you followed the others who took you to the room where all the staff would chill, offering you coffee, tea and snacks

sakusa couldn’t keep his eyes off you, seeing you after all these years was like a wave of fresh air; he was relieved to see you successful and blooming, what a beautiful sight he thought when he saw you laughing with his teammates as he got in the room. but at the same time his heart ached him as he remembred what made you two go separate ways and the guilt he tried to hide deep inside him all those years started creeping up again in his chest

“c’mon, it’s just an interview,” he sighed before sitting on a chair behind his team

the interview started and it was going fine, sakusa’s teammates were cool and you had a lot of fun interviewing them. you liked their chaotic energy and it happened for you to match it, they immediately liked you

“y/n-chan,” started atsumu getting close to you, ”would you like to go out with me tonight, we could have dinner together or just grab a drink-”

“okay barry b. benson, you’re not my type sorry,” you stopped him as you pinched his cheek making all his teammates laugh, you got a pout from him but he eventually laughed liking your attitude

“y/n-chan, why don’t you come and have dinner with us tonight?” asked bokuto with sparkles in his eyes, “oooh~ say please we’d love to!” joined him hinata with the same sparkles in his eyes

you akwardly chuckle looking at sakusa then bringing your stare back at them, “i don’t kno-”, “please come, it would be nice,” finally adds sakusa what made you look back at him

you kept staring at each other for moment before you nodded makinf the three balls of chaotic energy; bokuto, hinata and atsumu scream a ‘yes!’ you exchanged numbers and you went back home

well, that wasn’t too bad you thought to yourself once back at you appartement plopping on your couch

for some reason your heart was beating fast and you damned those feelings you tried to hide and not get rid of for coming back

he was looking as handsome as ever, you were not going to lie

and that look in his eyes... was it regret ?

“as he fucking should,” you shook your head thinking about what he’d said in that fight

but you were young, he probably regrets, “stfu stupid heart,”

you got up and got ready for tonight’s dinner

“keep that poker face y/n, you’re doing great” you said to yourself before getting into the restaurant, you quickly saw hands waving at you, spotting the team and you went to the table. there was a place left next to bokuto and sakusa, just great, you tried hard not to roll your eyes and sat

the diner was going well, you were not bothered by sakusa’s presence, he didn’t talk much anyway and you had fun talking to the others who were really funny, the thing is that everyone got drunk; hinata and bokuto were hugging each other singing the yarichin bitch anthem, atsumu kept saying ‘ya like jazz?’ every time the someone would pass by, you and sakusa were the only ones in a good state. you couldn’t help but laugh at them trying to stop them but you’d eventually fail

“atsumu please stop,” you tried to stop him from getting on the table to ask everyone if they liked jazz, “i won’t unless you tell me ya like jazz, honey,” he wiggled his eyebrows as you couldn’t help yourself from laughing, “i do like jazz now sit down,” you finally said

sakusa kept thinking if he should talk to you or not in the mean time, he couldn’t help but to create two imaginary cases in his mind one for that says ‘yes’ and the other one ‘no’, he finally came back to earth when you sat back down after stopping tsumu from performing a jazz song

“but y/n i swear it’s a good jazz song, it is called... Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley,” he grins proud of himself, you stare at him trying to hold your laughter and when you were going to anwser you heared sakusa do it first, “no miya, and make the owl and the tangerine stop crying,” atsumu salutes him and goes to talk to the crying duo

“long time no see, l/n,” he finally says making your heart miss a beat

“never thought i’d see you again sakusa,” you answer, finally looking at him

“glad to see you’re doing well,” he adds. “even tho i wish we’d be on good terms,” you sigh turning your head. “gotta admit i am the one to blame,”

“glad to see you are mature enough to admit your wrongs,” you anwser him sipping on your drink

“i’ve always knew that i was the one who fucked up, y/n... maybe back then i just didn’t have the guts to admit it, nor to try keeping you close to me. i just saw how you were doing better off without me, and i thought it was better to let go even if it did hurt me...” he finally admits

all what you wanted to hear, craved to hear when you broke up with him. you felt some type of way, good memories you had with him flooding your mind and the feelings you’ve once had for the pretty germaphobe

what were you gonna say? were you finally ready to forgive him and move on or stay on your positions and just live like you’ve been living since the brake up

“well... we’re grown ups now, it’s all forgiven and forgotten,” you give him a small smile,

“thank you,” it was then quiet for a brief moment before he finally decided to man up, “i missed you,” he looked down at his plate

wow the butterflies in your tummy, heart and brain went off with no warnings, you stared at him with wide eyes trying to comprehend what on god’s green earth did he just say

did you miss him too ? did you hate him ? were you over the fight ? did you really stop loving him or did you just hide those feelings ?

too many questions yet no answers, as he realized you didn’t answer he mumbled few apologies but you stopped him telling it was fine

“it’s just... it’s been so many years and we didn’t end up on good terms,” you explain

“yeah, no, i totally understand that is normal,” you nodd looking down at your lap. “can i hold your hand?”

“pardon me?”

“can i hold your hand? fuck that y/n, can i have another chance? allow treat you right, to love you deeply. that guilt that built up in me kept growing with the years, and now that you’re finally here i just want one thing as i see your face is to make up for everything, even after years.”

oh wow, you were definitely not expecting that; not from sakusa who wasn’t this expressive with his feelings and especially not after all these years

you held his hand and smiled sincerly at him, “it’ll take me time; to figure out how i feel and to trust you again, but i’d like to give it a chance,” he smiled back, hope filling his eyes

after that night you tried to spend a lot of time together

usually he would be the one to initiate it

he did his best to prove you that you can trust him and that he became a better person for you

your heart would melt everytime he told you about a memory of you together or how he still remembered stuff about you

you were on your guards in the beginning but slowly you began to soften

eventually you got back together, but that’s another story

it took several months but you don’t even know how happy he was

oh and let’s just not talk about the media and how powerful you guys were

anyway you were happy and that’s what matters

Tsukishima Kei

ara ara what we have here

do you know how the life works in a weird way sometimes? a compilation of events that happen by sheer luck, fucking coincidences that are just way out of this world that lead you to bump into that one person even if you don’t want to?

no ? aight sorry

anyway, that is lowkey what life had in store for you and salt shaker man

tsukishima had gotten into that college he wanted to attend

he was happy but he would’ve secretely loved if you were there to share his happiness

oh how little did he know that you got into that college too

ahaha *awkward laughter*

homeboy found it out in a special way, not the best way there is but you know he had to know a way or another

he went to that party with his two roomates who actually lowkey forced him ngl

as he was making his way to the kitchen he heard someone laughing, a laugh he’s heard way too many times but he shook it off thinking about how many people may have the same laughter

“oi y/n, you look hot!” a male’s voice shouted

what ?

there was no way you were there and he decided to make sure by checking out by himself

he was CHOKED when he saw you there

“tell me something i don’t know,” you laughed as you approached the boy who called you. “what’s up hot stuff ?” he said as you were finally next to him

hot stuff? tsukki almost gagged at the horrible name you were just given, yet it was not false that you were indeed ‘hot’; you looked as flawless as ever, you did a 180° change

the sweet, soft, innocent y/n was replaced by the baddest bitch in the motherfucking block he almost didn’t recognize you. he wondered if you stayed together would you have gone through this change an didn’t notice you coming his way

“god, don’t stand in the middle of the- tsukishima ?” you stopped when you saw his face. “you attending a party, what a surprise,” you stood there a hand on your hip

“oh y/n, how are you?” homeboy didn’t know how to act at this point, he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck

“i’m doing great actually, so did you get into here ? the ‘college of your dreams’,” he could feel the sarcasm in your voice, he also noticed how cold you were

“yeah, thankfully. where’d you go ?”

“oh i go here, the same college as you,” you fake a smile, he feels his heart miss a beat.. or two.“you know sometimes i look back, and i can’t help from noticing that being in a committed relationship didn’t stop me from attending one of the best colleges out there and you, on the other hand who didn’t want anything to do with a relationship got here too,” you spat, obviously you didn’t get to tell him how you felt when you broke up. “good thing i’m not in the same major as you though,” you sighed

“y/n i_,”

“no save it tsukishima, there’s no need to say whatever you want to say. at this point i’ve moved on, i just found it funny to see you here after what you’ve said and how i actually also got here; now i know for sure that you were the problem... and i hated myself thinking it was me,” you scoff. “hope i won’t get to see you often, good luck for the rest,” and with that you left, joining a group of friends who waved for you to join them

needless to mention that he was pissed and heartbroken

he was not expecting that from you, he always saw you as this delicate person whose kindness is infinite

now, oh now he didn’t recognize you

even your voice got more.. mature? cold? idk

anyway after your encounter he directly headed back to his dorm

he couldn’t sleep the whole night rethinking about all what those years with you and what you said, you hated yourself as you thought you were the problem

bravo tsukishima they hate you, he thought to himself

uhm lol so the rest of your college ‘journey’ went without the two of you seeing each other

you were both majoring in different stuff, the campus is huge, y’alls schedules didn’t match and you had different friend groups

yet rarely he would find you at the library at 4am, many empty coffee cans on your table, looking all sleepy with your glasses falling off and your hair in a messy bun

“fucking ass why on god’s poluted earth did i ever want to major in that fucking shit of a topic, couldn’t i do something basic like stripper or something ? ugh fml,” he caught you once in the middle of an existencial crisis

he couldn’t help his lips from twitching upwards and he couldn’t stop the memories of the two of you studying together flooding his mind

he never came close to you tho, especially after what you told him in that party

sad </3

you guys graduated from college fucking finally

congrats folks you did it!

and you thought it was the end of your story

how sweet, how naive

uh-uh baby life decided otherwise and you saw each other years later

in the same company 🤪

“oi tsukishima-san, don’t forget we have a metting with the new manager in 10,”

how could he forget ? everyone has been talking about this manager for a week

tsukki was respected by all his work mates as he was such a good element what made him get the best promotions and claims from his boss

n e way

he got into the conf room where everyone was seated and took his place waiting for the new manager and the boss to come in, he was clearly annoyed and didn’t want to be there; he just wanted to finish his work on go back home

anyway his attention was brought back by his boss entering the room, “good evening everyone, with no longer introduction let me introduce you to y/l/n y/n your new manager,”

tsukki’s head SNAPPED, he almost broke his neck

tsukiskima.exe has stopped working

you were surprised when your eyes landed on him too but you’re a bad bitch and kept it professional

he couldn’t focus for the rest of the meeting, even tho it was just presentations and basic information for the future collaboration

the meeting ended and everyone went back home, except for you as you stayed in late to work on some stuff

you thought you were alone since it was late, but you were wrong since tsukishima had also stayed in late to finish up whatever file he was asked to analize

this is why you were startled when you heard some noise and a tall figure got out of the office ahead of you

“oh my,” you held your chest and relaxed when you noticed it was tsukishima, “i thought i was alone,”

“staying in late on your first day huh, didn’t know you were still here,” he responded, you noticed how his tone didn’t change from when you first met him in highschool, maybe his voice got a bit more deeper tho

you couldn’t help noticing how good he looked in his suit, it fit him really well. his broad shoulders covered by the dark blue vest, the first few buttons of his white vector shirt opened letting you lowkey see his collarbone

“yea well i’m leaving now, good night,” you quickly say and took your leave, seeing him after all this time was weird and you didn’t know how to feel

you still remember what you said the last time you saw him at that party, you were hurt and you said some things you probably regret by now and you thought that he probably hated your guts and as long as you wanted to be at the top in your new work you still decided to stay away from him

“ugh what a dumbass,” you whined and slapped the back of your head thinking tsukishima was still in the floor you left him in, but he saw you and his lips twitched upwards

everytime he thinks you can’t look any better you prove him wrong, he thought to himself as he went to his car finally heading back home. after all those years life decided to still play with you guys and put you in the same company, i mean, he wasn’t complaining but he wished it wasn’t awkward between the two of you

you guys started working together, a new journey for the both of you started

he thought you still hated him and that is why he was cold with you :(

so you were both distant with each other and if you ever had to talk it was cold, formal and quick

it’s been a few weeks your collegues had noticed the tension between the two of you

they were lowkey sus of something but didn’t want to butt in

it was physically painful to watch

n e way everything was going more or less smoothly until a new face made an appariction in the company

“my god! what are you doing here?” you hugged the good looking man

“i missed you and i thought that i couldn’t live without you, so i am here to cling,” you pull away and playfully slap his chest. “nah more seriously i am here to get that bag boo,”

“as you should hun, so you’re a trainee huh? i’ll ask them to put you under my supervision,” you wink

“say less,” he flirtily gets close to you

“uhm, sorry to interrupt your i bet very educational discussion but y/l/n, here, the file,” tsukishima butts in out of nowhere, his voice colder than usual and his eyes lowkey darker than usual

“oh thank you,” and he left

“well, that was awkward,” your friend cringes

“shut up, yuuji,” you roll your eyes

“wait wasn’t that tsukishami? sushikima? suspicual tall bitch who broke your heart?” the last attempt made you chuckle

“yes, it is,” you sigh, going through the file. “i can’t believe you still remeber that!”

“miss girl, you were not the one listening at your own self sobbing at how some tall, blonde, salt shaker broke your heart and how you’d want to, and i quote “punch his beautiful face then hug him so tight that i’ll squeeze his organs”,”

you narrow your eyes at him then for quite a while, then you scoff, “i am glad you’re here, dickhead,”

“so am i, headass,” he gives you a sincere smile

yuuji’s presence made things complicated even more

tsukishima didn’t appreciate the new flirty, good looking, lowkey smart trainee who was under your supervision

he was more irritable than usual, he knew he had no right to feel like that but still, he couldn’t help it

everytime he saw you two together working, laughing, grabing lunch together or even just being in the same area it made him want to break walls

but he couldn’t

he also saw how yuuji would flirt with other female collegues and it made him furious; you didn’t deserve that!

deserve what tho lol you and yuuji were friends but since tsukki was blinded by his jealousy or whatever he was feeling he assumes you were a thing or soon to be a thing

dumb mf

anyway

your boss had assigned you an important file to work on

all cool and shit until he mentioned that you had to work with tsukishima

ahaha.......... right

you started working the day after

°3°

it was awkward as fuck ngl, y’all would share max up to 3 words in a matter of 20mins

each one of you was sitting in their side

the tension buddy, the tension!!!!!

idk how you survived

day 2: you slapped some sense in yourself and an old relationship that ended in bad terms shouldn’t affect your work years after

so you started talking more, always pro stuff, but still

kei was the same as yesterday but that didn’t surprise you since he was always like that and you weren’t expecting anything from him except contribute effectively to the work, what he did

day 3: work in progress, nothing less

day 4: same as day 3 except that you stayed in later than the previous days

day 5: yuuji bursted in because he had broought you food, he kissed your temple before he left wishing you good luck. tsukki almost gagged, homie was fuming in rage

day 6:

it was late, everyone had left but you and kei still working on that goddamn file, thankfully he had given enough time to finish the work

“y/l/n, the food is here,” tells you tsukishima as he got back into the office

“thanks, i almost died from hunger,” you get up getting what you ordered

you were eating in silence until tall man decided to speak up, “funny, huh?” you looked at him confused. “how we went to the same highschool, same college and now we are working together,”

you just let an “oh” thinking about what you told him in that frat party, “i guess you were right, i was the problem,”

“tsukishima look, it’s been years and it’s all forgotten now okay?” he looks at his food, his mind elswhere

“remember what you told me in that party?”

“tsuki-”

“i mean, now that we’re grown ups we can talk about it, right? i feel like i didn’t get closure, not like i deserve it but still,8

you just nodd and go sit in front of him

“well, i lashed out on you on that party because i didn’t get closure, i was obviously still hurt and petty and immature. Seeing you there was like a slap in the face, i really want to apologize but i feel like what i said was true,”

“and it was true, it took sometime to accept it and realiwe it, but you don’t need to apologize; i didn’t treat you right, so i am sorry,”

you give him a small smile, “i am also sorry, i shouldn’t have talked to you that way it was rude,”

“but true,” he adds and you chuckle

“yeah, it’s all fine now. we can start over again,”

“i mean, i’d like to,” he gives you a small, tiny smile but you could still see it

“y/n?”

“mmh?” you look at him, your mouth full and cheeks about to explode

“i know we just made up and stuff but... please be careful with that new trainee,”

“yuuji? what why?”

“look i’m a man and i know wha another man thinks when i see him in action, and he’s just... not trustworthy i guess,”

“tsukishima kei, tf are trying to say?”

“look, i don’t want you to get hurt! but he is all flirty with other women and it’s just a huge disrespect to you and your relationship,” he explains

you look at him with wide eyes than laugh your ass off, you couldn’t believe what you just heard

“tsukki, yuuji is my bestfriend we’re not dating,” you wipe a tear tha slipped

he just stares at you, “oh” is all what he could say

“thanks for worrying tho,”

“whatever,” he rolls his eyes

as the days went by you and kei got closer

he would tease you and you’d tease him back

“oi, salt shaker, put my stuff on a high shelf again and i’ll pull your highschool pictures when you played vb,”

“as if you still have them” he scoffs

“don’t mess with me!”

“whatever shortie- OW why would you throw the stapler at me?”

“it’s your mouth that i’m gonna staple next time,”

anyway it was all giggles and shit

you enjoyed working together and gaining your complicity back

the due date came, you had to present in front of 3 other CEOs and your own ceo

you did an amazing job, obviously

everyone liked the harmony between the two of you and how neat your work was

“WOHOO here’s my bad bitch,” yuuji hugged you after the deliberation

“stfu we’re not alone,” you laugh. “did i look good?” you ask

he smirks and checks you out, twirling you and wolf whistling, “hotter than ever and thicker than snicker,” you laugh at his remark

“uhm-uhm,” tsukishima came behind you

“hey, sushimika, good job out there,” yuuji gives him a big grin

tsukishima just nodds and his eyes dart to yuuji’s arm around your waist, something he notices

“erm anyway, Vanessa is calling me gotta go,” he kisses your head and leaves

“he’s one of a kind, i gotta admit,” you say pulling him out of his trance

“i mean, y’all are bestfriends so i’m not surprised,” you roll your eyes

“we did a good job out there, i mean i was better but you weren’t too bad yourself,” he smirks

“you’re so annoying,” you laugh. “i guess we make a good duo,”

you lookn at each other for a while before tsukki finally speaks up

“uhm look, i know it’s only been one month since we’re back to normal but... would you maybe like to have dinner with me?” he rubbs the back of his neck

“like a date?”

“you know what i mean y/n,” he rolls his eyes

“uhm sorry i don’t clearly see what you mean,” you grimace

“ugh alright, like on a date, would go with me yes or no ?”

you laugh at his impatience, “pick me up at 7,”

“is that a yes?”

“you know what i mean, tsukki,” you say as you leave

so the date went well

really well

you didn’t want to burn steps so you lowkey took your time in the process of getting back together

going on dates, talking everything out to build a strong base

work together was fun

i mean i’m not gonna talk about the sneaky make out sessions but haha you know 👀

surely you got back together, even shared an appartement and you are the happiest you’ve ever been

he proposed 3 years after

fin

taglist : @fallingforyuu @ukhyeonn @yeonayona @terminallyvolatile @bryai003 @ichigo-post @virgyalizu

i truly hope you like it, <3

308 notes · View notes

cassianstattoo · 3 years

Text

HAPPY ACOSF RELEASE DAY!

(ACOSF SPOILERS AHEAD) ARE YOU EXCITED?

I personally am. It’s time for Nesta’s story (and not just hers) to be told. So, this leads to another thing I think (and hope) you’ve been waiting for.

LET’S EXPLAIN THE PLAYLIST! (Read every song’s meaning while or after reading the book) And thank you for all your love and support.

“Alone” by Melancholia: It describes the Cauldron scene at the beginning of the book. In this song you can feel the rage and how hard she’s struggling. This song is not about weakness. It’s about her strength.

“Impossible” by James Arthur: Chapter 1. Even if it’s not so clear in this chapter, I think this song represents how Cassian feels when Nesta’s around. He feels worthless and not so different from the other men she beds (as he thought in ACOFAS). He lost his hope of an happy future with the woman he loves and he feels like he’s breaking that last promise she made her. Everything just seems so impossible.

“Sister” by The Black Keys: Chapter 2. This just makes me think of Feyre and Nesta’s fight. It’s from Feyre’s pov.

“New House” by Toro y Moi: “I want a brand new house Something I can not buy, something I can afford I just want a long shower I been feeling so crowded” Chapter 3. It’s about Nesta settling down in the House of Wind. It’s not the place she feels she can call “home”. First of all, it’s not really hers. The last two sentences of this verse are about her breathing and trying to calm herself at the end of the chapter. She’s just tired.

“My Mother & I” by Lucy Dacus: Chapter 4. The whole song is about Nesta and the relationship with her mother when she was a child. I think there’s nothing else to say. Also, in the 1st Chapter it says that she’s born in spring, so the song talks about a girl who was born in May. It all fits.

“Teacher’s Pet” by Melanie Martinez”: “Teacher’s pet If I’m so special, why am I secret? Yeah, why the fuck is that? Do you regret The things we shared that I’ll never forget? Well, do you? Tell me that I know I’m young, but my mind is well beyond my years I knew this wouldn’t last, but fuck you, don’t you leave me here” Chapter 5 and 6. Nesta and Cassian’s first day of training together. She basically doesn’t want to act like she’s his pet and she’s got to do whatever he want just to respect her sister’s will.

“Dangerous Man” by Valley Of Wolves: “They say I’m a wanted man Holding line and break the fire I’m setting all the captives free But I’m hanging by a wire” Chapter 7. It’s about Eris and his double-cross. That’s how probably Cassian pictures Eris in his mind tbh.

“Control” by Halsey: Chapter 8. Nesta facing the stairs. It can be linked to other chapters too because if you take this song as a whole and not just a few verses, it really contains A LOT of things. For example, the line “The House was awake”. Also Chapter 9, when people start calling their children. You can find this moment in the song when it says “All the kids cried out ‘please stop, you’re scaring me”.

“Bookstore Girl” by Charlie Burg: Chapter 9. The bookstore girl is Gwyn and Nesta tries to know more about her.

“Wrong Direction” by Hailee Steinfeld: “I don’t hate you” Chapter 12. This song is about the chapter’s ending.

“You’ve Got a Friend In Me” by Cavetown: Chapter 13. Nesta and Gwyn’s interaction. Also, Nesta helping her.

“like that” by Bea Miller: Chapter 16. Nesta and Cassian’s tension is hilarious, but this song makes me thing about this scene so much.

“Queen” by Shawn Mendes: Chapter 17. Elain fighting with Nesta. This lyrics is so powerful. The first part is Elain talking to Nesta. The second part is Nesta talking to Elain.

“You’ll Follow Me Down” by Skunk Anansie: Chapter 17. Same scene. This is totally Nesta. She’s so scared of herself and of the world that surrounds her. She’s afraid to lose her sister in this world she still knows nothing about if not violence. She wants Elain by her side, even if it means dragging her down with her.

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapters 18/19. I like to call it “THE chapter”. Do you need me to explain why I chose this song? Um, I don’t think so. You know it.

“Only You” by Ellie Goulding: “Baby I’m on my knees” Chapter 22. He’s... returning the favor.

“Revolution” by Diplo, Faustix, Imanos, Kai: Chapter 24. Our girl Nesta knows what she’s doing. What she’s starting.

“Best Friend for Hire” by Anthony Amorim: Chapter 25. The whole song is about Nesta and Emerie’s interaction. Everytime I listen to it I can’t help but cry.

“Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue)” by Hozier: Chapter 26. Nesta’s worried about Cassian and gives him relief.

“Rise Up” by Andra Day: Chapters 27/28. These three girls are going to rise up, bitches.

“Nina Cried Power” by Hozier, Mavie Staples: Chapter 29. This song is really powerful, just like Nesta. She always is, but in this chapter we learn HOW MUCH.

“Fix Me Now” by Garbage: “Bring me back to life (fix me now) Kiss me blind” Chapter 31. THAT scene. HE HEATED UP THE WHOLE ROOM Y’ALL. Cassian literally kissed her back to life.

“Ready or Not” by Fugees: Chapters 34/35/36. I can’t choose only one quote from this song. But can you hear its vibes? Nesta’s leading a dead army. This is THE power.

“PILLOWTALK” by ZAYN: Chapter 37. *wink* This song says everything.

“Go Fuck Yourself” by Two Feet: Always chapter 37. I couldn’t choose just one song, you know. Also, lowkey Chapter 38.

“Never Again” by Breaking Benjamin: “Never again, never again Time will ot take the life from me” Chapter 38′s ending. All I can say is: NEVER AGAIN.

“Boy In The Bubble” by Alec Benjamin: Not linked to just one chapter. It makes me thing of Azriel a lot.

“Past Lives” by BØRNS: “I've got the strangest feeling This isn't our first time around Past lives couldn't ever come between us Some time the dreamers finally wake up Don't wake me I'm not dreaming“ Chapter 39. Gwyn and Azriel. Well, these lines are about them, but I think the rest of the song represents Elain and Azriel, too. I don’t know if you feel the same.

“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day: THIS IS AZRIEL’S SONG. YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.

“Watch Me While I Bloom” by Hayley Williams: Chapter 41. Nesta teaching Cassian how to treat a woman. She’s got big dick energy ayeee

“R U Mine?” by Arctic Monkeys: Still chapter 41. Cassian taking control of the situation. This song just screams “dominant” lmao.

“Walls Could Talk” by Halsey: So Halsey once said “The House was awake” (Control). What if those Walls Could Talk? Like, poor thing. It could have a mental breakdown. This song is dedicated to the House of Wind ‘cause it needs respect. It’s alive. Just imagine how’d you feel watching non-stop those two fucking and fighting. Also Azriel, you’re loved.

“Despicable” by grandson: “If I were you I wouldn’t love me neither” Chapter 43. Tamlin deserves a song, too.

“Part Of Me” by Katy Perry: Chapters 45/46. It’s all SO chaotic. This song means a lot of things. They all lied to her, but this song is particularly about Nesta and Amren’s fight. In my opinion, she did the right think telling Feyre the truth ‘cause she deserved to know, but it just wasn’t the right time and space.

“Don’t Give Up On Me” by Andy Grammer: Chapter 47. Cassian’s going to take care of Nesta. She made a mistake but she knows here better than anyone. He won’t give up on her.

“There You Are” by ZAYN: Chapter 50. Cassian comforts Nesta when she finally explodes. He’s there for her with open arms.

“You Found Me” by The Fray: Still Chapter 50. This chapter was so hard to read and this is another song that can describe it best.

“Locked Out Of Heaven” by Bruno Mars: Chapter 51. Illyrian bat boys just love flat objects. I see.

“Thin White Lies” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 51. Yeah, still thinking about that desk.

“Chosen Family” by Rina Sawayama: Still Chapter 51. This song is wholly dedicated to Nesta’s new found family. Not only Gwyn and Emerie, but also Cassian.

“Library Magic” by The Head And The Heart: Chapter 52. Listen to this song and read the scene at the beginning of the chapter.

“Battle Cry” by Imagine Dragons: Chapter 54. I know it’s weird but I feel this song talks about Lanthys and Nesta’s fight.

“Hurt” by Christina Aguilera: Chapter 55. Nesta takes Cassian to the place she lived with her family in the mortal lands. It’s dirty and broken now but it’s still there. Nes talks about her father and realizes how much he’s done for her and her sisters.

“Story Of Another Us” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 56. I know this sounds like a sad song but to me it represents Gwyn’s present. The story of their past (of another “them”) and also their present.

“Drama Club” by Melanie Martinez: Chapter 57. Eris vibes, y’all. I know you can feel them. Everytime I listen to this song I can’t help but thinking of him. So the only thing I can tell you is: listen carefully.

“Genius” by Sia, Diplo, Labrinth: Chapter 57. Hear this song. It just makes me think of a ballroom where two people try to talk to other people and they’re avoiding to make eye contact. And they fail (yeah, those people are Cassian and Nesta btw)

“Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish: Chapter 57. Still about Eris, but also Cassian. They can’t stand each other. So imagine the astronomical energy (inside of this bus lmfao) when Nesta comes in between.

“All About Us” by He Is We, Owl City: Chapter 57. Nessian dancing.

“Rock Bottom” by Hailee Steinfeld ft. DNCE: Chapter 58. This song is SO accurate. This is the moment I realized “That’s it. I think I can die happy now” and then I started crying. Nesta just thinking she’s not enough and she deserves to be with someone as ugly as she thinks she is. Cassian is like “shut the hell up, woman” and yeah. That’s the kind of energy and conversation I was waiting for.

“Stop Crying Your Heart Out” by Oasis: Chapter 58. Their life becomes brighter. They have to stop crying their heart out because of their fears and the emotions they keep trying to hide. They need to feel free and express all the love they can give to each other.

“Fade Into You” by Nashville Cast, Sam Palladio, Clare Bowen: Chapter 58. Finally the truth comes out and everything becomes real. Even if the song is pretty sad, the lyrics is just SO accurate and it describes the scene perfectly.

“I Miss You” by Adele: Chapter 59. Basically Nesta feeling needy ‘cause she doesn’t see Cassian for days, but it’s more than that. Pay attention to the depth of the song. It shakes you. And that’s what Nesta feels when she thinks of Nesta.

“Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera: Chapter 59/61. I want to dedicate it to my favorite girls in this book: Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn. They’ve been through a lot but they also learnt to face their fears. And they realized that unity is strength.

“Smile” by Uncle Kracker: Chapter 62. Cassian’s sooo happy to be with Nesta it breaks my heart. And his own too.

“Broken Pieces” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 62. Aaand here we go again. Cassian just wants Nesta to give him the chance to be happy with her.

“Carried Away” by H.E.R.: Chapter 62. Nesta thinks they got too carried away and now they’re at a point of no return. She opened herself to him too much. It’s not like she regrets this but she understands that now everything’s too real and changing. She doesn’t feel ready.

"What’s Up?” by 4 Non Blondes: Ending of Chapter 63. Okay, I’ll make you laugh but this is me after reading it. I needed to put a song about how I felt when I read this freaking ending, after all the devastation Chapter 62 brought into my heart. And the fact that Nesta’s 25 and the first line begins with “25 years”... I DIED. Also I think of her just screaming to the word “WHAT’S GOING ON?!”.

“Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves” by Eurythmics ft. Aretha Franklin: Chapters 64/65/66. DO I NEED TO DESCRIBE IT? NAH, I DON’T THINK SO. THESE GIRLS ARE POWERFUL, STRONG AND SMART AS HELL.

“Run The World (Girls)” by Beyoncé Chapters 67/68/69/70. The girls want to win and they’re going to conquer everything with no mercy.

“Puppets” by Depeche Mode: Chapter 71. Eris impotence t is heartbreaking.

“Warriors” by Imagine Dragons: This song is for every character. It’s about Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn, but also Cassian, Azriel and Eris. They’re fighting different battles and they’re doing it with every ounce of power they have.

“Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco: Chapter 74. Nesta kicking Briallyn’s ass.

“Survivor” by Destiny’s Child: This song is dedicated to Emerie and Gwyn. They spent all their lives learning how to survive. At the end, they finally won.

“Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele: THE Nessian Anthem. I put this here ‘cause FINALLY they’re endgame. But something bad’s about to happen...

“Cancer” by My Chemical Romance: Chapter 76. This chapter’s been the hardest one to face. I had to put the book down for a minute and breathe. I know this song made you panic and ow you know why I chose it. I can’t stop crying thinking about Feyre in those conditions and all the IC and her sisters surrounding her. I’m still so heartbroken.

“You Saved Me” by Skunk Anansie: Chapter 77. Nesta cares about Feyre. She’s her little sister and she just can’t let her die like that. She gave her a happy ending even if Nes had to lose almost every ounce of power she had and learned to accept. But they’re worthless in comparison with her sisters life. She just loves them both. She’d do anything for them and this scene proves it.

“Lean on Me” by Bill Withers: This song is about friendship and sisterhood. Nesta’s relationship with Gwyn and Emerie, but also with Feyre and Elain (and lowkey Rhys). Also, I dedicate it to little Nyx, too. They all love you, babyboy, and would do anything for you. Welcome to this chaotic world, kid!

“Sorry” by Halsey: Chapter 78. These are not explicit apologies. Nesta doesn’t need to say “sorry” vocally. She already demonstrated it. Her actions speak louder than words and her sister know it. This song is not about a “romantic lover” but a “person who loves” and they all love too much and strongly.

“Amazing” by Aerosmith: WE FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT. This is the happy ending they deserve (but the cliffhanger is killing me tbh). It’s about everyone in this book. I put it in the playlist ‘cause at first I thought it could refer to Azriel and Cassian. But the more i listened to it, the more I realized it just describes every single character.

“The Reason” by Hoobastank↓

“this is me trying” by Taylor Swift: Both the songs refer to Chapter 80. Nesta visiting her father’s grave is one of the first steps to finally go on. The songs represent what she really wants to tell her father. He’s the reason to start over. And she’s trying. Even if she made mistakes she’s ready to fight for the happiness and love she denied herself years and now she knows she deserves it.

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wichestergirl666 · 3 years

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SHADOW AND BONE (spoilers)

IT IS HERE and I’ve binged it lol

So first off, I’d already decided to treat this show like a fanfic of Grishaverse and nothing more cause well they fucking merged the two series so obviously it’s not gonna be anything like the books and also I have no interest in getting disappointed by book to tv adaptations AGAIN so

Here we go

- My Grishaverse heart I’m so glad it finally got a tv show. I’ve been waiting for years. I loved how they’ve shown the different countries and countrymen. But I do wish it was more fledged out

- The title cards at the beginning of each ep *chef’s kiss*

- The acting was a little awkward but not like cringe. Just awkward here and there. (Excluding Nina and Jesper they literally came to life)

- MY CROW CLUB HEART PLS I WILL CRY I WAS FUCKING SCREAMING EVERYTIME THEY WERE ON SCREEN. I WATCHED KAZ’S ENTRANCE TWELVE TIMES. Infact I replayed most of the Crow scenes. Like the Crows have my heart. Alina whomst

- Ben Barnes??? As Darkling????? It’s that meme Bill Hader meme - Mark me down as scared and horny lmao. My entire feed is people thirsting after Ben Barnes like its 2008 and Prince Caspian just released. And honestly valid

- I hate the Darkling as a person, he may have started as a good person but he did despicable things. One of the things I’ve loved in the books is the nuances of Darkling’s character. And also I like villains lmfao. Anyway the show did not portray it properly. Like the whole thing was rushed. His betrayal did not land, it wasn’t as impactful because we didn’t get a chance to connect with him on screen (if you’ve read the books then y’all have suffered the pain lmao)

- Talking about impact, “Make me your villain” I fucking screamed. That was such a good scene. The way Alina tells him off I was like you tell him girl and then I’m like wait a second is he about to say it and then he DID and I was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- I like Alina and I like Jessie Mei Li as Alina

- Funnily I liked Show!Mal,, wasn’t a fan of Book!Mal at all so. He’s different from the books so that must be it lmfao

- Malina?? The flashbacks,, “I’ll meet you at the meadow” FUCK. It’s so weird cause I remember I was not into it when I read the books but I’m like rooting for them now

- The thing I HATED was what they did to my girl Zoya. They fucking watered her character down to crumbs. Book!Zoya would eat Show!Zoya for lunch. Actually not even lunch for a quick snack. Fucking fucking terrible characterisation

- Another thing I hated was Darkling-Zoya relationship???? Like what. Ew. Zoya had a crush on him but in the end they had a mentor-mentee bond but like why are shows so obsessed with turning platonic relationships sexual

- Third thing I hated was David’s portrayal. Idk what they were trying to do but that ain’t it.

- Fourth thing- they also watered down Genya. Pls my Grisha Triumvirate deserves better

- Okay now coming to the things I LOVE,, THE CROWS ADSGSHSKKS Like I know the show is about Alina but idgaf my focus was on Crows and I loved them.

- Kaz having Plans A to F mao scheming King

- Kaz is more post Crooked Kingdom Kaz but like it’s still Kaz and I’m whipped so. I like how there was this constant sour expression on his face like yes 10/10 (I did not like that he was beaten so easily by Pekka’s men tho)

- Inej???? Pls thats my knife wife. The scene where she removes 37 knives from her clothes iconic. Also she was more on the emotional and vulnerable side and idk. I would have preferred her to be exactly like the books but alas

- Jesper. Fucking Jesper. I’m. He was the best. I was a little annoyed at the beginning because he was just used as comic relief but then did my mans deliver

- Like just the three of them. Pls. My fucking heart

- Kanej?????? I’m crying. Like all of their scenes. My favorite was when she killed that dude and the bgm just aaaaaahhhhhh

- Kanej had more build up than Darklina which was I mean I’m not complaining I love Kanej but like I wish there was more focus on Darkling and Alina’s relationship with him before the betrayal

- Nina and Matthias were literally exactly how I imagined them. I was straight up quoting the scenes (I recently read SoC lmao) I can’t wait to see more of them

- All in all I liked it. It annoyed me at times but I do like it. And I want season 2 soon.

- NIKOLAI AND WYLAN IN S2 LETS FUCKING GO

#shadow and bone #the darkling #grishaverse #alina starkov #mal oretsev #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #six of crows #zoya nazyalensky #leigh bardugo #darklina #kanej

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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years

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i'm curious, what are your top 10 favorite rinharu moments in high speed and high speed 2?? i love the books. i don't understand why people say is impossible to ship rinharu if you read them...

Lmao who are those “people”? As in multiple? And are they from Mars? I do not get this. You cannot be serious. You probably meant “impossible not to ship”?

I don’t know about top ten, I love all of their interractions tbh, they just remind me of my fav type of romance in general. I know what are my top 5 I think, but after that I love everything, so it’s hard to rate.

1. My absolutely favorite moment will forever be the one, where Rin describes the way he sees Haru in the water, I’m seriously forever in awe, because, I’ve read a lot of books, and like... even period dramas got nothing on Rin Matsuoka, when he describes the love of his life. I mean, seriously, find yourself a person who sees you the way Rin sees Haru lol

Rin felt like he was touched by the light, that surrounded him with warmth. He turned around to see Haruka, who was glowing. Shining. Haruka was shining with every strong and confident stroke that he made. The outstanding energy, emitted from him, surrounded Haruka with the dazzling light and Rin froze, unable to look away. Rin’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, that he forgot how to breathe. Haruka stole his heart. And the further away he got from him, the more distance grew between them, the more uneasy Rin felt, like he was losing the control over his emotions. He was possesed by Haruka’s shining. His strokes looked as if he was hugging the water, his leg movements were so effortless and so elegant, as if water herself was moving him to the finish line. But in all these deceptively smooth and unhurried motions were so much strength and power and such incredible speed, that all his opponents didn’t stand a chance. His swimming was that transcendent reality. He was like a bird dancing in the sky with its wings spread wide.”

Dude... I’m like... still speechless. I mean, and not just this, but everytime Rin talks about Haru, even when he jokes about his stupid habbits, you still feel that he finds him so beautiful, inside and outside, that it just makes my heart melt.

2. When Aki tells Rin that if you put him and Haru together, you get a perfection.

“That guy has no sense of humor. He should learn by watching me, don't you think?" Rin joked lightly.

Aki laughed a bit at his words. "It's true. Add the two of you together and divide by two, and it would be perfect."

But I mainly love that moment, because like... Aki starts telling him, that Haru is not what he's pretending to be (like for some idiots in the fandom who call him selfish, that was the explanation for them xD) and how everyone always want something from him, and he never asks for anything in return and doesn’t have anyone to lean on (yup that’s what I said all along, too, with Makoto’s dumb behavior in difficult situations, he’s on his own there lmao). And she waits for Rin to deny it or like be surprised, but it turned out that that’s exactly how Rin sees him and that he cracked him from the very beginning. BTW, here’s your addition to the ask about Rin loving Haru for who he is and seeing him for who he is. I’m just in love with that moment, because I’m happy that he just... not only he knows him, but bc he’s not one of those many idiots who just don’t get it.

"Nanase-kun seems like he can do anything all by himself, doesn't he? He's good at studying and sports and even art. He really can do anything, right? That's why everyone relies on him, but it would really be something for Nanase-kun to rely on anyone, wouldn't it?"

Rin certainly thought this was true. He had only just transferred, but the image that Rin had of Haruka was exactly that. But even if Haruka didn't have the will to go out and get involved with other people on his own, it wasn't like he was completely isolated. On the contrary, he was considered the most reliable person in their class, and when people relied on him, he always did his best to meet their expectations. This was the strange balance that people around Haruka had to maintain.

3. The one when Haru calls Rin by his name for the first time. And I honestly for some reason didn’t even realize that this moment was in the anime until my 3rd rewatch (lol), but, man, little Rin’s reaction is the most adorable ever. I cry.

4. When Gou meets Haru for the first time and immediately goes “ah so you’re Haruka Nanase, the one, who my brother talks about 24/7...‘Nanase is so cool, Nananse is so fast!’” and Rin just goes red lmfaaaaaooooo.

5. When Haru says that he feels the fever running through his body each time he just sees Rin, but he doesn’t understand what it means... ahem.... OH WELL

6. When Rin tells them he’s leaving and Haru gets absolutely furious and calls him a selfish jerk, but then he feels his legs giving out and he thinks that he needs to be in the water, but then he realizes, that for the first time in his life it won’t save him and he’s so lost and fucking crushed. "you can’t just mess up my whole life and leave me like that” and “this can’t be true, I can’t be this weak.” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fucking hellish angst... that mix of emotions was seriously hideous, at first he was so confused and in denial, he couldn’t even think, he literally went “who is leaving?” and then it just all blew up. Poor baby.

7. Just all the little moments, when Rin notices everything Haru does and falls in love a bit more each time. Like when Haru slowed down, when he saw that Nagisa is having troubles of keeping up with him.

Nagisa was earnestly trying to keep up with Haruka. If he kept up that pace, he wouldn't be able to run next to Haruka for the whole trip. That was how it had been yesterday. Nagisa's breath was coming short, and when Haruka saw him slow down a pace, he lightly turned his eyes downward. I guess that's as far as he goes.

A sigh mixed with Haruka's long breaths. Then, by just a tiny increment, Haruka let his pace slacken.

"Oh?" Rin said quietly. Haruka could almost hear him saying "You're so nice, Nanase," and he tsked inwardly. Nagisa caught up to him, smiling as if it hurt a bit. It looked like he'd lost the energy to keep talking.

Just cute, and they watched each other all the time, it’d be a bitch to count each one, but god, all of them were cute.

8. All the moments of Haru pulling Rin’s pigtails... hilarious, especially the RinRin one, but the funniest and my favorite was when Nagisa turned to Haru to ask him for a permision to call Rin Rin-Rin, like... all the rights to Rin belong to Haru and vice versa lmao I agree. “I’ll allow it” lolz shut it, Haru.

9. This moment: “Something happened inside of him that made Haruka incredibly angry, he was so pissed, that he didn’t even want to swim anymore. To think that someone like Rin could make him feel such powerful swirl of emotions and make him such a mess... he felt disgusted with himself.” Yeah, Haru, love is dat bitch when you’re 13 lol

10. The one where Haru whispers “sorry for making you feel that way” to Rin? The one where Rin’s grandma doesn’t want to go to see the relay, but then she suddenly does, when she finds out that her grandson’s future husband is in it? The “he at that moment realized that the only thing Rin was concerned about was Haruka” one? I don’t fucking know, you pick haha ANY MOMENT, ALL THE MOMENTS XD

______

BUT in all seriousness, I do not get how you can love Makoharu after the novels. Like do people just ignore these moments:

“Haru waved Makoto off like an annoying fly”, “feeling annoyed by his obnoxious care, Haruka went right past him”, “feeling like Makoto’s smile could turn into tears any second now, Haru turned away and went to the showers” (fuck this shit I’m out lmao), “complitely ignoring him, Haru kept walking”.

??????? is this... does anyone find this amazing??????!!!!!!!!!!!

Or when Haru was literally fucking losing it, cause Makoto just repeated everything after him and how he just lost all the respect in that moment.

“I feel like I should also get into running.” Makoto said it as it was a joke, but Haru knew for sure that it wasn’t. More than that, he knew, that Makoto was going to ask him that ever since the moment he found out that Haru was running this morning. Haruka fel annoyed, because he couldn’t find the excuse to refuse him.

Or this moment:

“Makoto was late and Haruka didn’t have any reasons to wait for him. Makoto can catch up with him on the way, they’ll meet at the swimming club either way. For both of them it’ll be better, if Haru went by himself, than stood there and waited Makoto, slowly losing his temper.”

“Haruka felt uncomfortable, cause Makoto looked at him, as if was a weak”

Or this:

"Did you know I was going to come out here?" Even though he knew it was impossible, Makoto couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Nope."

"Then, why…" are you standing in a place like this?

"Watching the sunset."

and I can go on and on and on

and the fishies... oh my fucking god, the fishies

***

I’m just saying, all these moments are not even funny. My point in all this, that like no matter how much Haru loves Makoto as a friend... or got used to him is what I personally think, I don’t think he’s ever gonna idk how to say this... respect him as a human being? admire him? And this whole situation... I just can’t appreciate such kind of relationships even in a friends way.

1stly because Makoto’s behavior in general makes me have war flashbacks to some of my real life experiences (and yeah, I confess, it affected me and that’s why I don’t like his character a lot; because I don’t think many people know what it’s like to deal with these kind of people in general). 2ndly, cause Makoto fans keep trashing Haru and many call him selfish bc of the way he treats him, but what they don’t understand is that if it wasn’t for Haru being this harsh, Makoto would literally became even doormat-y than he is now (yes, it’s possible lmao).

P.S. my favorite in the novels tbh is all the Haru “I’m surrounded by idiots” moments, like when they started to dig the frozen soil with little scrapes and he was looking at them like they’re morons and then just silently walked away and came back with a giant shovel... “if you keep doing this with your tiny scoopers, we’re gonna be here all night” and they then they just watched him as he did everything himself LMFAO I just love him so freaking much. I also think his relationship with Nagisa are incredible and so underrated, since it’s a huge and incredible part of the books. I just keep saying, Haru’d be an amazing dad, so I can’t wait for him and Rin to adopt xD

P.P.S. And what about the Free! novelization????!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #Free!#free! iwatobi swim club #free #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #sharkbait #Haru x Rin #rin x haru #did i not get something? wasn't the high speed a horrible thing for mh?#cause it seemed like that to me

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who-ever-said-i-was-nice · 3 years

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Mtach up thing please! <3

Female, INFJ-T, Sagittarius. 155cm (tiny potato, just dont smash it on my face or I will get insecure)I would never, brown eyes, long light brown hair, pale with freckless. Average-skinny. Wear glasses for study/work which is basically 24/7 same and have some tattoos here and there.

I think Im more of an ambivert but more close to the introvert side. I’m smiley but still people tend to tell me that they thought I was rude (or directly a bitch) highly doubt it they just jealous but found out I’m not that bad, guess that’s on bitch resting face :( nope :) better. Socially awkward but after I get comfortable I fool around a lot, memes and vine references give me life. I tend to do the opposite of what I’ve been told just because I don’t like it when people order me things.pffff can relate Tho I’m shy I will not hesitate to step up if someone is being rude with someone specially if is towards a friend or someone close to me. I try to be very caring and supportive for anything you will need but also empathic, I cry if someone cries kjdfhgk but try to hold it together so I can help and not make feel worse the other person you seem very nice pls be my friend

I’m sensitive, I get stressed and anxious easily and for that I constantly have headaches and stomach ache,noooooo :( I have a whole self-care routine to help me with that or else I will, without a doubt ,get sick. I don’t like places that are too crowded or very loud noises, it makes me nervous. I’m your “will cry if gets too anxious” person. yup you are to innocent and cute to be my friend I’m either “Mama bear” scary or “will murder you in your sleep” scary.....I’m just a marshmallow tho

I like reading welcome to the bookworm club, learning random things. I love art in general, music, painting, dancing, etc. I love animals too! All of them, cats, dogs, birds, frogs, please let them all in(but my weak spot are cats, I cant deny it). I’m vegan, try to make it the most healthy possible (eating well, taking vitamin D and B12 to not die that was funnier than all of my jokes combined i died ). Sugar is my passion and my minimum 4 tsp of sugar per coffee knows it(this is where the I eAt HeAlThYy goes to hell xD damn right lmao, you still healthier then me). When it comes to music I like a bit of everything, I will be listening alternative rock or metal and then jump to kpop, tho I’ve been into chill lofi lately, specially when is mix of a series or movie cause nostalgia hits hard and I’m into that shit kjhjk I also have a playlist of Disney, anime or movie songs/soundtracks because it helps me to study or work more motivated, your girl needs motivation to not stare into space for 1 hour straight,kjkiijjioh same tho Im quite disperse, I always forget where I put things and then blame the goblins for that, but it turns out, it was on my hand all the time lollol

I study art online, I want to be a concept or background artist for animation, I used to study animation on a university but dropped because the pressure was too much and never could get along with the university itself, every week was a fight about something (Im not problematic I swear, I try to be the most chill out-care free possible but I swear the system is horrible here :( )yeah it happens sucks that you had to go through it. I’m also learning complimentary therapies! (I think that’s how it is on english) Reiki, tarot, pendulum, past lifes and such, Im into esoterical/”mystical” things.

For hobbies I do embroidery, sewing, read, stare into space for 1 hour and yoga (this is part of the self care routine to not die).

My favorite season is autumn or early spring, I dont handle too hot weather or the sun well, I like winter and rainy days but then I get so cold that I invernate on bed the whole day.

For relationships I think communication is key, I know is not easy but is the only way to make it work :( and cuddles, please cuddle me and pet my head, I will be on your palms if you scratch my head. I can be very touchy, like holding hands and hugs but I dont like it if someone who is not a very close friend or my partner does it, I just dont know how to react or do kfdhlk I prefer my personal space untouched :( Im so sorry it was so long!! I wanted to do it very detailed but sHoRt to not make you think so hard with who match up me but maybe tmi is just the opposite for you, if so Im truly sorry! :( I think you are an angel just for trying to match up me with someone <3 ahhh, yes, the matchup (take a shot for everytime i said match up on this paragraph game) for ikevamp please! <3

4 shots huh.Ahahahahhahhhahahhahahhhah...... Don’t worry about the length. The longer the better right. Right? I’m nasty I’ll stop. Also yes I went through it and left little notes within the text. Why, because I’m cool. Hopefully. One day. Anyway!

I matched you with...............

.......................ISAAC!!!!!

My sweet baby angel little boy

Isaac is very,very shy so it took him some time to warm up to you

but that does not mean that he didn’t like you

oh no no no

on the contrary

Isaac died every single time you passed him

he didn’t understand how someone could be so perfect

you took his breath away

him not being the tales man actually liked that you were shorter then him

you see, because men are supposed t be tall and strong and all that crap, plus being around Leo, who scores a 10 in all of those, made him quite insecure about his, well, actually everything

the way he talked, or rather didn’t, his height, that fact that he wasn’t jacked like some of the guys in the mansion, or, you know, at least in his mind

he isn’t exactly the fighter type either

he’s a scientist after all, not a worrier

and this made him feel like he didn’t deserve you, because he couldn’t protect you

oh my, sweetheart no

you on the other hand, think he is amazing

I mean not all people know all the constellations name and position by heart, nor can they carve amazingly cute wooden toys and decorations, nor are the university professores and just so happen to be an absolute physics geniuses so yeah

both of you being quite reserved, it took you ages to get together

but when you did it was the most amazing thing ever

he confessed to you one night while you where stargazing

it went a little something like this:

You: Thank you for bringing me out. It’s so beautiful!

Isaac: Yes. Like you.

You: *eyes emoji*

Isaac takes your hand, blushes hard, and even though he wanted to look into your eyes he couldn’t bring himself to, in fear of loosing himself in them

“Y/n ever since I first laid eyes on you I knew that I needed you in my life. You make me feel so comfortable by the just being here with me. You are funny, lighthearted and so welcoming and accepting. I love when you sit next to me in the library, I love it when we stargaze, I love how you ask me oh so many questions. How you are so eager to learn everything. Yet you are so quiet and shy. It’s amazing really. and in those moments I fell like I love it even more. The comfortable silence we can both sit in. The look we share, were we somehow always know what the other is thinking without even asking. I love your hair falls and frames your face perfectly. Those adorable freckles are driving me mad you know? Your petite features always astound me. So small yet so pretty. How is it even possible? However I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings. It doesn’t matter how much I adore you, I can’t protect you. I am not what a man is supposed to be. I’m not strong and tough Y/n, I’m just a scientist. However I felt the need to tell you this. To tell you my true feeling. I love you Y/N. I really do.”

Isaac sat there with tears streaming down his face

he couldn’t look at you

he just waited for the rejection to slap him in the face

however it didn’t come

you cupped his wet cheek gently and he looked up to see your tear stained face

you slowly pull him towards you and kiss him

it was so gentle and full of love

you pulled away tears still pouring down your faces

however these weren’t tears of sadness, but of joy

you both laughed as Isaac pulled you into a hug

well.....

i may or may not be crying writing this

yes I definitely am that is totally the case

anywhoo

after this it is smooth sailing

cutest couple ever

And that is it! Sorry if this is lame and it literally took forever. Thank you for the request though.! Have an amazing day and be safe!

#Ikemen Vampire #IkeVamp #ikemen vampire match up #ikevamp+matchups #ikemen vampire isaac x reader #ikemen vampire isaac #submission

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marswritingss · 4 years

Text

haikyuu general headcanons from my sleep deprived ass

hEy this is sleep deprived me who is in in the verge of crying AND ready to go party and rob a bank

yes my kids, it's weird feelings time

ANYWAY here i suppose i'll write both angsty and fluffy and crack headcanons because i really don't know what's happening anymore

me after writing this: nope, it's all crack and fluff my guys. no angst. i couldn't bring myself to make myself more sad lmaoo

warnings: the first part is set on 2012, hence why kenma doesn't own a wii, not a switch. also there's manga spoilers but i out a warning before it heheheh

also not proof read and written while being really fucking tired. it will probably not make sense

general random headcanons

– akaashi wears clip hair locks when he has to study

– kunimi smokes weed like everyday. he'll be in class and his brain will be on another galaxy thinking about his donkey who happens to be actually a dog who happens to actually not exist. completely permafried but somehow keeps a gpa of 3.8 (in spain we don't have gpa but we have average mark which is the same lol)

– bokuto is really really good at physics. probably recites the three laws of newton while spiking and his serve routine includes him replaying the boyle laws on his mind. probably the reason why kuroo and him get along so well. kuroo prefers chemistry so they have this inside argument where bokuto hits him with his physics fats while kuroo just yells compounds and their nomeclature

– oikawa has a cat. that's it. that's the headcanon.

– makki and mattsun have the dumbes longest pet names for each other. "i love you so much, you meme of my computer, bread of my cheese, ass of my chair, you little silly beautiful brow man with the longest muscliest most tanned and amazingest arms in the world" "oh, is that so? i of course love you more you pink creampuff with no other reason of existence than to be beautiful even with that peach haircut, incredible man i'd 100% recommend 5 stars on booking, 5 of 5 in every stat, wig snatched, my pores cleared, hotel trivago" "please shut the fuck yo the both of you"

– yes that headcanon was INSTALLED in my brain as soon as i read undermattsun's one

– and yes the five stars on booking is a skam reference, if anyone got it

– that was inspired by anitwt

– the first time noya saw asahi's hair untied he had a nosebleed. and actual one

– hoshiumi has made a lot of kids cry because he just has that villain vibe while hirugami makes them laugh when he's the actual villain

– jk the villain is actually yama and tendo's bullies and michiru usuri or whatever his name is

– konoha is ambidextrous and komi calls his jack of all trades master of two

– he also happens to be very fucking good at guessing. tendo's typa shit. he'll be on an exam and he'll just guess every single answer. he'll be like mmmmm this kinda looking like an alkane

– yes that's me trying to show off my poor chemistry knowledge.

– iwaoi arcade dates but it's them hitting the dance machine with scores like 100000 and iwa surprisingly loosing at 128478-128477

– iwa's charger is oikawa :)

– oikawa's charger is iwa's arms

– suga uses kagehina's inside competition so they take care of themselves

"oh mmm... i don't think drinking so much water would be that possible"

"kageyama! i bet i can sip this in less than thirty seconds"

"dumbasss! i can do it in under fifteen"

– bokuto brought an owl to the gym once. and washio just happened to have an aunt whose hobbie was training raptor birds. and that's how the fukurodani volleyball club ended up setting their sunday meetings at washio's aunt insanely big backyard and bonding over owls.

– akaashi's favourite owl is actually an eurasian scops owl.

– wait no ima list their fav owls

– bokuto: great horned owl. you know why.

– konoha: ruffous legged owl. he fell in love with this old grey owl who loves resting only on his arm and he's now whipped

– komi: pygmy owl. bc they both tiny.

– washio: snowy owls. he just loves how they are. loves all of his aunt's owls tho.

– onaga: short eared owl. mainly because they remind him of someone *cough* komi *cough* and he just laughs everytime he thinks about it

– sarukui: northern hawk owl. just because.

– suzumeda: another sucker for snowy owls. she loves their name and their colour. and also because they remind her of yukie. which is a plus

– yukie: none in particular really. but her favourite owl in washio's aunt backyard is a verreaux eagle owl.

– kenma doesn't have a wii because not a lot of his favourite games are available on it. but he's saving for a ps4 since it's coming soon and his ps3 is kinda on the edge of dying of overuse

– the first time hinata had to go to karasuno was also the first time he actually rode a bike and he almost crashed with around twenty cars lmao

– on his second year, kageyama invited the second years to his birthday (hinata yamaguchi yachi AND tsukishima, not tanaka noya ennoshita narita and kinoshita lmao) and tsukishima DID go. he kept saltying over everything but after that, he and kageyama got aling wayyy better. (though the bantering enver stopped)

– akaken headcanon that they sometimes study together if a training camp is near finals week. akaashi is real bad at english and kenma has 0 brain for history

"kozume-san, do you know how the english word for exacerbate?"

"yes, also do you know what were the main characteristics of the meiji restoration?"

MANGA SPOILERS HEADCANONS

– fukunaga's mom is spanish. that's why he's so good at paella. his mom is from valencia ✌️😔

– inunaki atsumu and sakusa form ✨the asshole team✨

– ushijima and hoshiumi have the weirdest relationship ever.

"ushijima do you know how tall i am!"

"yes hoshiumi san. just yesterday you claimed you were 9 milimetres taller than hinata shoyo second best small giant 2 points less than you in stats"

"hahaha! yes! wait! i am going to tweet that! do you want me to tag you?!"

"please do not. my twitter gets clustered of all the fans tweeting about semi san and i's reunion last week"

"i'm going to tag you"

– hoshiumi COMPLETELY tweets in caps locks. there is not a single lowercase letter in the dumptrash of 15k tweets that his twitter page is.

"HAHAHA @HINATA_SHOYO I AM OFFICIALLY NINE CENTIMETRES TALLER THAN YOU I AM THE BEST SMALL GIANT PREPARE YOUR BUTTOCKS TO GET KICKED THIS SEASON BE READY YOU AND YOUR TEAM OF OVERLY TALL MEN WITH NINE CENTIMETRES LESS OF SMALL GIANT"

– hirugami (sachiro) is moniwa's vet, futakuchi and aone's turtle. the first time sachiro and furakuchi met, was the last time futakuchi set foot on hirugami's pet centre. he's now banned from going in there and he had to watch moniwa get checked from the cristal pannel

– shouko (hirugami's sister) has favoritism on sachiro. pays for her and her brother's netflix account and has set sachiro's name as "baby brother" and fukuro's name as "tall arsehole"

– also she and kanoka are in the same team

– miwa and alisa are completely dating. it's not even a headcanon anymore lmfao

– oikawa's argentinian team mates completely thought iwa's name was iwachan and the first time they saw him st the olympics they called him "iwachansito" and "iwatoto"

– they also call oikawa argentoto (yes that's frim twitter)

– both suna and kita have an soecial discount on onigiri miya. arsumu has to pay double for them

– kenma does actually own a house in roppongi hills, but didn't tell kuroo until the bedheaded went to bring kenma food and found out the house had been destroyed and was now being used as a gardening school

– yaku first saw lev's ad in yekaterinburg but didn't tell him. he has a very good laugh everytime he passed by the banner next to his house

– komori and yaku IMMEDIATELY got along. yaku was like "mmmmmmmmmmm a tall libero i see ,':/" and komori was like "haha yea anyway the way you dug that ball was amazing :3" and yaku fell in love

– atsumu' hair isn't that blonde only because of bleach but also because he spends some weekends helping kita with the farm and the sun has cleared it

– hinata is sakusa's favourite.

– tenma and bokuto get along pretty well, and akaashi is scared tenma will start going feral now that he's met bokuto

– ima wrap this up bc it's becoming long lmao ty for listening to my night rambles ily all

–also no it's not well edited i'm on my phone lol

– will probably do again if my mental health goes on like this which is very probable lmao

– good night

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #headcanons #hcs #haikyuu general headcanons

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balmasedas · 5 years

Text

THE TRUTH.

(SHAWN MENDES).

WARNINGS: ANGST, SWEARING.

WORD COUNT: 2,5K.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Haven't written for a while so it may be shitty. This is my first imagine here, so I hope you enjoy it! Please make me know if you do so, maybe I'll make a part 2. :')

○○○

Thank god for makeup and alcohol. People like you needed it. Well, people in your situation, you deduced, cause it wasn't part of your nature to get extremely drunk. A radical change of plans, a sudden turn in the oceanic currents —you were sure many could relate.

But, then again, how many were secretly dating a superstar? And how many had to bear their lovers being publicly, and falsely, in another relationship? A better question was: How many of them could get through it? You had done it for over almost a year now. Six months of being silent —no, muted. You were a shadow, a secret.

You had done everything you could. When Shawn had asked if it was ok, you had nodded. You knew that success was part of his dream, and if a little white lie could contribute to that, then... whatever, right? After all you hadn't gone public and it was supposed to be only for a while. Two months top.

But two months turned into three. Your pleasent smiles turned into frowns. Silence turned into screams and discussions with him that drained you completely of energy. "I'm your girlfriend.", "I'm your boyfriend and you should support me.", and yada, yada, yada.

Then Shawn wasn't living with you anymore. He was on tour and you would've been fine with it if you hadn't went through tons of pictures of him passionately kissing Camila, walking hand-to-hand literally everywhere. And you started to wonder if they were even pretending anymore.

Apparently not.

Your first therapy was to dance to music in the apartment that you shared and pretend to not worry about it, but his scent was everywhere. Memories were too hunting, thoughts were too loud and your cries were unstoppable.

A club was the second obvious choice, you decided that night.

The first half of it you were with your friends, and yet you still felt utterly lonely.

The second part, you drank it all, and you felt carelessly free. Everyone was beautiful, everyone was your friend. The lights were pretty, the music was great and you were fucking ecstatic. No Shawn Mendes.

"Two Marg–marga shit ass." you laughed at your own word game. The bartender knew you should call it a night but who was he to deny you more poison? You recieved the drink and struggled to catch the straw with your tongue.

"Here." a hand appeared from your left and helped you take the straw with your mouth. You drank a bit and looked who was the misterious assistent: A guy. He looked older than you, thought the lights and your drunkness forbid you of guessing his age with more precision. You could, though, see his mocking and handsome smile. "You're a mess."

You smirked. "I'm single." Yes, shamelessly flirt, go fuck him and make Shawn pay.

"You are?" Unfortunately, you weren't that drunk. And you went from happy drunk to sad drunk.

"No. I'm not–tsk." you pouted. "I have a boyfriend." your forehead wrinkled "I think."

"What do you mean?"

"He's a celebrity and that shit. Shawn Mendezzz? You know him?" The name rang a bell, apparently. More than it, because the man's posture completely shifted.

"Yeah." he nodded. "And don't get me wrong, you're beautiful, but you aren't his girlfriend. Unlless you're Camila Cabello." that sparked anger inside of you.

"Of courrrrrse not, shtupid!" you poked his chest. Then you proceeded to clumsily reach inside your dress, between your breasts, and took out your phone. The device read your fingerprint and you shoved it in his face. "Look!" you weren't anymore aware of what you were really doing. You just smiled proudly at the photo of you and Shawn kissing in front of a beach sunset. It was your favorite picture. One of the last ones you had taken months ago, when both of you were still happy. "Yeah, Carmela Cabitch is only a– a promo! She's fake and shit!" you went to your inbox and looked for Shawn's chat. "Here! lmao! See?" You showed him his messages, where you talked of the PR stunt, of how he promised it would all be over soon. You were too busy laughing hysterically to notice this guy taking his phone out. "I'm a fucking no one so!" you shrugged, happily. As if you had no choice. He laughed with you and asked for a round of something, that you didn't hear, but when the glass of alcohol was set in front of you, you welcomed it.

He raised his cup towards you, "Cheers for... the truth. May everyone hear it soon."

You giggled and cheered with him. "Whatever dude." you emptied your glass. And you kept drinking and drinking. The man was with you for the rest of the night. He was fun, actually. You had fun.

So much fun that you let him keep your phone until you said goodbye.

○○○

There was a buzz. An annoying and incesant buzz. You had heard it too many times for not being able to recognize it as your own phone but you were too tired to do something about it. Your face was buried in the pillow, you were spread like a starfish on the bed with one leg hanging over the side. Too comfy to move.

You groaned when you had to stretch your arm and reject the person who was calling you non-stop. You thought you had found peace for your headache finally, but the phone started vibrating again. And you were fucking done. Your reached for it and squinted your eyes for the sudden light in your eyes. You thought your sleepy state had fooled you at first and made you see things that weren't there but a few blinks confirmed what was right in front you.

Over 5K twitter notifications.

Over 1K on Instagram.

Hundreds of messages.

Dozens of missed calls from Shawn, your best friend, your mom.

You quickly sat up. You brushed the hair out of your face. You suddenly felt sick and it wasn't because of the hangover. You had a bad feeling cause that didn't happen unless something was really, really wrong.

You went to your messages. Your mom was asking if you were okay, she was worried, "it's not your fault" she stated. Your bestfriend had texted "hmu as soon as you read this.". She had also called you a few times. Then your dad and last, but not least, Shawn. You were extremely anxious. His calls and messages were the most, and he was the one you'd rejected a few minutes ago. If something was wrong, it had too do with him:

"Y/N."

"Y/N pick up."

"R u ok?"

"How could you do this?"

"You fucked up. You fucked us all up."

"Jesus Christ, pick up!"

"What the fuck?" You murmured. Your hand went from your stomach to your mouth. You opened twitter, cause everytime something happened it was there first. 'Shawn Mendes' was trending, 'Camila' too, your fucking name was trending third and in 5th place was the word 'PR'.

You immediatly knew what it was, but how?

You started reading the tweets involving your boyfriend.

"I knew Shawmila was PR!!!1 I called it first but lol, how could Shawn's gf sell him like that. Yikes"

"Y/N was clearly jealous but how can you fucking expose your boyfriend?????? like????? You agreed to it, didn't you?"

"I know it was fake, but Shawn was better with Camila than a snake like Y/N. #Facts"

And the tweets got worst and worst, but not a million of them could prepare you to see your pictures all over twitter. Your photos kissing Shawn, him with your family. The screenshots of your texts. His and your intimacy violated by the world. The insults did nothing in comparision of the pain you felt then.

In the middle of desperation, you started wondering what did you do wrong, if anything could compromise your privacy the night before and suddenly everything came back: The man. The man stole your shit straight from your phone. You were so stupid, so drunk you didn't noticed.

Your hand went from your core to your face. You sprinted to the bathroom and emptied everything from your stomach on the toilet.

You were there for a few minutes, lying on the floor, crying, to weak to get up. Your phone started buzzing again, and you were ready to ignore it again when you remembered: "Shawn." you got up so fast you almost tripped. You put on a hoodie and pants over your pijama, went to the living room and dialed Shawn's number. You had to talk to him. You needed to explain yourself desperately.

"Please, pick up, pick up, pick up." you mumbled while searching your shoes. Suddenly, a ringing echoed in your apartment. And not any ringing, Shawn's. It was Shawn's tone for your calls.

You turned your head and there he was: Coming out of the kitchen with a glass of water. You would've jumped to his arms, it would've been normal if it wasn't for his face. You've never seen like that. You wish you never did.

"Shawn I–" you started but he stopped you midsentence.

"Had to take a flight all the way from Japan just to be here." he offered you the water and you drank it, with the pill that luckily would help with the headache. He observed you in silence. You felt little under his eyes, painfully ashamed of what was happening. You couldn't stop the tears from flowing again and sobbing with the glass still in your mouth. "Don't, please. You'll choke."

He gently took the glass away from you and you covered your face.

"I'm so sorry. I–I–"

"You what? Y/N" any hopes of discussing with calmness dissapeared when he raised his voice. You couldn't hold in your sadness and he couldn't hide hise anger. "Do you know what this means?! For all of us?!" you crossed your arms over your stomach.

"I saw it."

"You saw it? They're destroying you. Look." Shawn turned the TV on and did a quick zapping over most of the news channel. Half of them focused on Shawn and Camila's stunt, half of them focused on you. You tensed your jaw and looked at an empty point on the floor. Shawn said something else, but you couldn't focuse on his words as you recalled what started it all.

"How much more can I be destroyed?" you whispered. Shawn turned the TV off and looked at you, somewhere between concerned and taken aback.

"What?"

"Yeah, you heard well. What's a bit more of pain? I mean, everybody is hating me but at least they know who I am, right?" Shawn scrubbed his face and you could practically see the words inside his mind: Not again. But weren't you telling the truth? You wouldn't be in that situation if it wasn't for the contract extending that long. If Shawn had the decency to not push you to a side, you wouldn't have gotten drunk and the secret wouldn't be out.

"We already went through this!"

"No we didn't!" you screamed. Shawn stared at you speechless "We didn't talk it out! You just avoided it, and avoided it until I wasn't part of the picture anymore." At this point your face was drenched in tears. The sobs were painful but, at the same time, you felt free. You had contain your anguish for too long.

"You know I had no choice!"

"Yes you did!" you poked his chest with anger "You had the choice of calling me, of reaching out to me! You were travelling the world with Camila and I suddenly didn't existed. The contract said you had to pretend to be with her, not stop loving me."

"I never stopped loving you, what the hell are you talking about? I kept in touch with you."

You laughed. For the first time you laughed, but it wasn't filled with joy. You were frustrated, furious. You advanced a few steps and stood before him, chest to chest.

"You bet?" you asked low "Pick up your phone, Shawn." no movement. "Pick up you god damn phone. You'll find my fucking texts, my fucking calls and only fucking me caring for us."

"I forgot to call you a few times. That. Was. It."

"That was it." you repeat, nodding with your head, as you finally understand. "Then this is it."

Shawn blinked a few times.

"What?" he mumbled. Your eyes got teary, his too. You don't have to watch it anymore as you strode to your bedroom.

You grabbed a suitcase from your closet and started throwing some clothes in it. Shawn called your name a few times and stopped at that door.

"What are you doing?" he asked. You knew his tones enough to guess that he's scared.

"Going to my mom's. We're done." you laughed and corrected yourself "I'm done."

"What? No, no, no. This isn't over. If anything I should be the one quitting, you fucked this all by selling me." you turned abruptly, but your voice wasn't strong or determined. If it was even possible, something else shattered inside of you. You knew he was affected by happened, but never did you imagined that he'd believe what they were saying.

"You really think I am capable of hurting you on purpose?" you choked out a sob. Tears started falling again.

What he didn't said was enough. You slowly nodded.

"Y/N" he murmured, when you grabbed the suitcase and passed beside him. You walked to the door and his voice, again, this time did stop you. "Y/N, stay. Let's talk. Please."

You vaguely dried the tears on your face with your hand and turned around. It took all of your strength to look at him.and talk: "I was drunk. Was it my fault? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I should've not drown myself in alcohol. But there were two people in this relationship. I tried to talk to you and you just didn't listen. You just didn't—" Shawn was crying now. His jaw was locked, his hands tugging tightly his hair. You wished you could erase that image from your head.

"Please, Y/N. Shit! I'm so sorry. We can work this out. I believe you, baby, but don't go. I beg."

You smiled with a certain nostalgia. Your memories were holding you in, hope had it's role too. But was there really hope for you both? If he really loved you, you both wouldn't be standing there. If he really loved you, he would've taken five minutes of his day to talk to you. Your heart was aching, and you've had enough. It was the fact that he evidently didn't love you that made you took a step out.

You slowly closed the door, but not before hearing his now-loud cries. "Goodbye, Shawn."

#shawn mendes #shawn #mendes #shawn x reader #shawmila #shawn imagine #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes drabble #shawn mendes angsty imagine #shawn and camila

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raylee-kai · 4 years

Text

When You Love Someone - Park Jae Hyung Chpt. 1 (Part 1/2)

Here's the thing.

You hated playing the guitar.

You were clearly a keyboard/piano person but when you heard that Jae had volunteered himself at the local music shop, you barely hesitate to put your name down on the form for the guitar lessons. It might have got something got to do with the crush you harbor on the guy.

Your hate of the guitar was mostly because of the fact that your fingers were never flexible enough to press on the strings, how loud and gritty the sounds of an electric guitar echoes and also how there were different ways to play with different songs.

Like what on earth was plucking?

Why are there different ways to play one instrument?

It didn't help that there were different ways to tune a guitar. The amount of time you struggled with the tuner was making you regret the decision but as soon as Jae smiles at you and helped you out, you found yourself back in the studio, practicing yet another song on the guitar.

"Have you been practicing your chords?"

You nod, totally forgetting that he was actually asking about guitar chords and not keyboard. He gave a small chuckle and settled in front of you.

"Great, let's see it!"

The next few minutes consisted of;

"Did you tune your guitar? It sounds a little weird.."

"That's the G chord."

"Bring that finger here and this one here..."

"Show me A chord..... Uh... That's C chord."

"That's not even a chord."

It was amazing how Jae was never frustrated with your inability to learn the chords because your limit was approaching fast.

Every mistake you made, you simply want to throw the guitar down and leave but Jae was always there to stop you from doing that. With his kind smile and carefree attitude, you could not stop yourself from falling for him even more. He was honestly your only motivation to learn the guitar.Your frustration was clear on your face but once he ruffles your hair, you can't help it but to come back for the next session.

"You did great! Just need a little more practice."

Jae flashed a proud smile when you get a chord right was the highlight of the entire lesson.

"That's it for today!"

Jae clapped his hands and pats your shoulder, as if signing to you that you did a good job. Your shy smile made its appearance along with a slight blush but luckily, his attention was on the notification of his phone. He briefly read through and perked up, catching you before you leave.

"Before I forget, here!"

He held out a shiny silver ticket out to you and grinned.

"Umm... What is this?"

"There's a gig, tomorrow at Club Eclipse. Thought that maybe it would be nice for you to see a few live performances."

You eyed the ticket for a bit before you glance up at him.

"You'll be playing?"

"Not this time but I'll be sure to invite you next time! Pinky promise!"

He stuck out his pinky, wiggling childishly to which you curled with a small giggle. Jae gave you a ruffle on your hair before looking at his watch.

"I'll pick you up at about 7 at the cafe near school?"

"You have a license?"

"Only one way to find out right?"

He winked, smiling while you tried to bite back your smile.

You might have went all out in trying to find the perfect outfit which had Seungmin groaning in pure annoyance at the fact that you just practically dumped a bunch of clothes infront of him. The amount of times that you ran into his bedroom's toilet and came out with a new outfit had him regretting his friendship with you.

As if he could break a childhood friendship that easy.

You and Seungmin met each other at a piano recital when the two of you were younger. Ever since then, it was as if it was fated for the two of you to be friends. Both of you kept getting into the same classes, courses and school with or without planning on it. Plus, it did not help that Wonpil, Seungmin's brother, was your partner for a piano recital which made the two of you even closer.

"Are you seriously doing this at my house?"

"I need fashion advice."

You pouted, turning away from the mirror for Seungmin's view. He barely gave you a glance and scoffed.

"Stop pouting. You ain't cute."

You pouted even more at his harsh words but it was just a Seungmin thing to do so you weren't offended in the slightest.

"Why aren't you asking Hyunjin for fashion advice? He is better than the rest of us at fashion."

"YOU'RE A GENIUS, SEUNG!"

You immediately grabbed your phone and called Hyunjin over to Seungmin's house. It didn't take long for him to arrive but not alone.

"Who invited the sunshine twins here?"

"We are here for mental support!"

"Get out of my house."

"Why do you like Jae anyways?"

Felix's question threw you to a state of flabbergast.

"Why Jae?"

Jisung added on, while Hyunjin was picking up outfits and trying to pair them together.

You sat on Seungmin's mattress much to the other's displeasure and thought about it to yourself.

At first, it was the smile. You always thought that Jae had a cute smile with how he smiles with his eyes. He had a variety of smiles from the playful mischievous grin to the tired yet blessed smirk. It stays in your mind every time and you could not help feeling warm seeing his smile.

"Who's that?"

You asked Seungmin, who had been re-reading his script for the tenth time that day. Your dear friend was a part of the MC line up for some after school event which he was extremely nervous for which was why you, his dear friend, was there to cheer him on.

"What?"

"That blonde? I don't think I had seen him before."

"Oh, Jae?"

You raised a brow as if trying to get him to explain more. "He was a student here, my brother's senior. They called him back to help us with the event."

Your attention went to the blonde who was joking around with some of the MCs to calm their stage nerves. The way he threw his head back to laugh caused you to smile a little.

"Cute."

Then, you fell for his personality. How friendly and welcoming he was with everyone, how thoughtful to those he held those dear and how mature and gives the best advice at times. He was like a canvas with similar yet different shades that you would only realize after looking closely.

Jae was not close to Wonpil by any means.

It did not mean that they hated each other or anything but it is just that their friend circles never really clashed. So, Jae had no reason to protect Wonpil like he did that one time during his third recital.

During his third recital, the seniors had Wonpil running around, forcing him to do stuff which would make him late to the recital. They went as far as to cut his formal clothes causing him to turn up with red slick back hair and blue button up which had caused a ruckus among the audience and judges for not being professional. But without a doubt, he was able to pull a performance that had the audience crying and reaching out for their tissues.

Unfortunately, Wonpil was disqualified and was banned from joining in another recital in the event hall for not being "professional" and was reported for "harassing" the seniors that he had helped.

That had caused you and Seungmin to fume in pure anger with how you had seen Wonpil going around to help the seniors, even going as far as to cut his practice time.

It was the first time you saw Wonpil getting upset that he walked away.

You and Seungmin were about to storm into the judges when Jae reached before the two of you could and provided them with evidence and eyewitnesses of the seniors bullying Wonpil and forcing him on errands. You watched in pure amazement at how the older glared the seniors down.

When you asked why would he stand up for a total stranger, his reply would always be the same.

"Why not?"

After, you just could not help but pay attention to him no matter where he goes. It's like your eyes would constantly be searching for him. There was just something about his presence that made you look at him in amazement.

What do you like about Jae?

"I don't know. I just like him."

You should probably trust Hyunjin more than you did because the outfit he put together really looked good. Not only you looked good but you also feel good in the outfit. So there you were with nervous jitters waiting outside the cafe for Jae, typing at your phone furiously, trying to calm yourself down.

Millennium Line Unite (5)

Memelix : Still cant believe u got boss to give u today off

Memelix : On short notice

J.ONE : Not fair :(

SeungSky : I dont get y u guys complaining

SeungSky : M covering her shift

SeungSky : If anyone want complain it be me

lmao he saw my ticket

he just send me off

Dramallama : boss said you need friends

Dramallama : hes sad Minnie is ur only friend

Dramallama : WHO TF CHANGE MY USER NAME

Memelix changed Dramallama to PrettyJinnie

PrettyJinnie : Aww

PrettyJinnie : Thanks baby

Memelix : Anything for my Prince

J. ONE : my eyes

J. ONE : NEED BLEACH

SeungSky : No flirting

SeungSky : Not in this christian household

Memelix : jokes on you

Memelix : im catholic

SeungSky : And Jisungs a rapper

Memelix : ???

J. ONE : ???

PrettyJinnie : ???

???

SeungSky : it means idgaf

Ouch

taht got to hurt

SeungSky : Idgaf bout ur date either

SeungSky : u made me work on my off day

SeungSky : u officially out of my friend list

J. ONE : at least u were in his list

SeungSky : Han

SeungSky : stfu

Oh shit oh shit oh shit

Jae here gtg

wish me lcuk

Memelix : Stay safe

PrettyJinnie : Use protection

J. ONE : good lcuk

Private Chat : SeungSky

SeungSky : Text me ASAP if somethings wrong

SeungSky : Don't accept drinks from strangers

SeungSky : Stay close to Jae hyung

Must u do this everytime

SeungSky : U only have one braincell

SeungSky : It worries me that u dont have common sense

I do have

hope I dont make a fool of myself

SeungSky : Tough words for a clown like u

f u

"Coming in?"

Jae's voice hollered from the car as you look up from your phone. You darted into the car taking the seat next to the driver's and greeted him casually. You tried to avoid his look, considering how he actually put effort in looking good and you could barely stop yourself from combusting at the sight.

"Looking good today."

"Thanks. You too, Jae. It's been awhile since I saw you in something other than a shirt."

"That's cause I'm usually half awake and late for work."

"Well, does that mean that you are late everyday?"

"Hush now little one."

Laughing quietly at his words, you guys started talking about random things and before you know it, you were already there in the club.

"Nervous?"

He asked, seeing how you hesitate after parking the car nearby. An arm over your shoulder had you calming down almost instantly. It was as if just knowing that Jae was there brought you calmer.

"Is this the wrong time to tell you that this is my first time going to a club?"

"You mean to tell me… you're a club fetus?!"

You giggle at his dramatic scandalised face and playfully pushed him away. He laughed and placed his hands on your shoulder leading the way.

"Don't worry and just stay close."

11 notes · View notes

diggersofgraves · 4 years

Text

So my favorite character of tua this season was Vanya. I'll always love Vanya. Fave in s1 and fave in s2.

Idk, she just has a lot of my favorite angst elements and I love that shit. I can't even tell yall. I love everything abt her????

2nd.... oof. Probably. Probably Klaus. I think Klaus showed the most compassion for his family. Like, he showed more that he cared abt him and I LOVE that. I was waiting for family dynamics all of s1 and I'm glad I got this in s2.

Third is probably Allison. I love them all as a trio. And tbh, these three were the ones with the plot points that I didnt want to skip. Not bc i didnt like the other plot points, but bc I just wanted to know what was happening with these three so BAD. She also shows a lot of compassion and love for her family and I 🥺

The only exception to the plot point thing is Five. Five is interesting all the time. And the way he consistently shows he cares abt his family. We know he cares not bc hes outright in the way Allison and Klaus show it, but we as an audience are always seeing the lengths he goes through to save his family. And even when he says hes done with them, he still continues fighting for them. And the pain it causes him to have seen his family dead like..... 3 times now, I think. That shits hardcore. And he looks like a kid the entire time, I know hes capable, but my big sister instincts just. Kick in. Idk how the rent of the Academy does it to NOT try and protect him everytime (ik he'll probably get mad at them for it tho lol)

And ofc Ben. Oh ben. Made me cry. A lot. And I love him. With my whole heart. I REALLY wish we could see him interact with the rest of his siblings more, but the scene we got with him and Vanya 🥺 and him asking Vanya to hug him 😭

And I liked Lila for a good majority of the season. It wasnt until the last episode where i was like eehhh okay. Just bc the trope used to get her to fight with the siblings isnt my most favorite.

And I liked Luther a lot more this season. Since I loved Vanya a lot last season as well, I was President of the Hate Luther Club, but I'm stepping down 😤 lmao. He was cool ig. As was Diego. They had funny moments, but out of all of them, I felt like these 2 were the most out of tune with the rest of the family, but they still had some good moments!

Overall I loved this season. I KIND of felt like if they really tried, they could've found a good note to end the entire show on, but since we have all these questions now, I hope we get season 3

(Now President of the Definitely Hate Mr. Hargreeves club)

2 notes · View notes

lordofassgard · 6 years

Text

Friend Zone

Requested: | yes | no |

anonymous said: okay wow you are a freaking KILLER writer, you got me in tears bro :,) Could you do one for Jungkook? All i know is i want ANGST but i’m kinda a sucker for a happy ending too uWu ty 💛💛

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader gender neutral

Summary: you’re stuck in the friend zone again and again

Genre: non idol!au, angst, fluff

Warnings: cursing, mentions of drugs

Word Count: 3.6k+

A/N: hello, i’m back :) thank you for the request bb. i enjoyed writing it but it wasn’t as angsty as i wanted it to be maybe i’m finally getting it out of my system lmao also the summary is pretty much heartbreak girl by 5sos. anyway, i hope you enjoy :)

masterlist in bio

gif credits to nochuie

not proofread

There wasn't a time where you didn't know Jungkook. He had been there when you were running around in diapers, when you started school, when you started high school or when you got your first tattoo. He had been there and you had witnessed him going through the same things. Your moms were longtime friends and having kids the same age brought them closer and it was only normal that you and Jungkook would be friends, best friends in fact.

You told each other everything and you were there for each other in somehow important moments of each other’s lives. You were there when he had his first cigarette at thirteen, in his backyard one afternoon after school and watched him almost cough up a lung right after. You were there when he drank alcohol the first time and he shared with you, both of you tipsy in your basement on a Friday night when your parents were out of town during sophomore year of high school. You were the first person he told about his first kiss, his first relationship.

In fact, you had been there to watch the rise and downfall of his countless relationships. During and after high school you had been introduced to several different people who were dating Jungkook at the time. It wasn't that Jungkook was a playboy, but people seemed to always leave him and you were left to pick up the pieces of Jungkook’s broken heart. You didn't mind being the shoulder he always cried on, you didn't mind spending nights awake gluing the pieces of his broken heart back together as Jungkook cried in your arms. But it hurt. It hurt because you didn't like to see him suffer, it hurt because you knew you wouldn’t do the same thing to him.

Every time he came back to you, with tear stained cheeks and empty chest you were already waiting with blankets, tissues and ready to hear all about how he was tired of falling in love with people that kept hurting him over and over. So for months, years, you set your feelings aside knowing that you’d always be Jungkook’s best friend. It was something you were proud of, but sometimes you hated it because you were just Jungkook’s best friend. Nothing more.

And then the vicious cycle would repeat itself all over again, he’d get his heart broken and you’d be there like you always were. Your stomach twisting itself and your lungs closing up because he didn’t love you back. It had been that way since that dumb afternoon he smoked his first cigarette when he was thirteen, in the backyard of the house he grew up in and you grew up as well. No one knew about your feelings, and no one could. You didn't want to risk it, you’d rather have Jungkook by your side and be just his best friend than to not have him at all.

So it didn't really come as a surprise to you when he showed up at your apartment one night, hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, brown hair messy from running his hands through it way too many times and eyes filled with tears like a kicked puppy. And it didn't really come as a surprise when you felt that old ache that had found its home in your chest so many times before. It didn't come as a surprise that you let him in, ignoring your own feelings and focusing on his until he was okay again.

You didn't ask what happened, you never did. Sometimes he told you, sometimes he didn't, the pain in his chest too strong for him to talk about it and you were okay with it. You were okay with everything because for Jungkook you’d do anything just to see him smile even if it meant ignoring the feelings that you had so desperately tried to push away for the past few years. And it was worth it as you looked at his peaceful face, tear stains still evident in his cheeks as he slept with his head on your chest and arms around your waist after crying himself to sleep.

And you knew exactly how things would play out for the next few weeks, maybe even months. He’d stay at your apartment for a while, or you’d stay at his. You’d listen to him pouring his heart out to you at three in the morning for the first few days. When he finally managed to get a good night of sleep, he’d walk around moody the next day because he had dreamed about his latest heartbreak. He’d become clingy, arms wrapped around your waist and head buried in the crook of your neck as you cooked, legs over your lap when you sat on the couch, arm around your shoulders or intertwined with yours as you walked down the street, face buried in your chest and hands on your hips as you slept and so on. You never complained, but it took a lot of self-control to tame the butterflies in your stomach and the fireworks that seemed to be left behind in wherever part of you he had touched.

After the second week, he’d start to be his normal self again. You’d wake up to the smell of something burning in the kitchen only to find that Jungkook had burned his attempt of breakfast. And no matter how many times you tried to stay mad at him, all it took you was one glance at his sheepish smile and doe eyes and you’d forget all about it.

After the third week, he’d start going out little by little, mostly at night. And he wanted you to tag along, so you’d go to places that you’d never find yourself in if it wasn’t for Jungkook. At the end of each night, once the moon was high in the sky, he’d drive to an empty field and you’d stargaze like you used to do back in your hometown when you were teenagers.

The two of you would sit on the hood of his car, music playing softly from your phone and a blunt in between his fingers. You’d sit in silence, looking up at the sky and in the meantime, his free hand would rest on your thigh as if he was reminding himself that you were there, that he wasn’t alone.

“The sky is dark.” Jungkook pointed out one night, not tearing his eyes from the sky.

You weren't looking at the sky, instead, you had been staring at him, a look of adoration in your face. It was so evident that you wondered how he never noticed it. Maybe because he never thought of you that way. It hurt, but doesn't the truth always hurt? With a quick glance at the sky, you acknowledged his words with a small hum before looking back at Jungkook, who was still staring at the starless sky.

You didn't tell him that the reason the sky was empty was because all the stars were in his eyes.

You never quite understood why people left him. Jungkook had everything anyone could possibly want in a boyfriend. Maybe he attracted the wrong kind of people, the ones who used him for their own selfish purposes and then left him with an aching chest at your doorstep not caring if you could put his heart back together or not. Maybe it was Jungkook’s problem for being too näive when it came to love. But if Jungkook was näive then what were you? Being in love with someone that would never love you back put you in the same spot, didn't it? You couldn't help it and neither could Jungkook. You were just two fools in love and unfortunately, not with each other.

He’d end up getting back on his feet after a lot of tears, burnt breakfasts and blunts. Little by little, Jungkook would become less clingy and instead of being with each other all the time, you’d only see him every couple of days. You were happy that he was okay, whatever okay meant for him after so many heartbreaks, but you couldn't help but miss him. It was only when he was dumped that he hung out with you as if to forget the pain in his chest.

“You’re like my happy pill.” Jungkook confessed one night as you walked through the busy streets of Seoul.

The lights coming from shops and restaurants’ signs could’ve overwhelmed you to the point where you had to blink a couple of times in order to get used to them. But not when they were reflected on Jungkook’s features. The same lights you learned to hate ever since you moved to a big city, when reflected on Jungkook’s face, amazed you. They casted a soft glow on his skin, making his doe eyes sparkle and you wanted nothing but to stare at them until the sun came up.

“What do you mean?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed in curiosity.

“Whenever I’m with you I don't have to worry about anything. It’s like…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words to say “I’ve never been hurt before.”

His words, probably meant as a compliment hurt. That was why he came back to you everytime he was hurt. He just wanted peace, even if it was temporary. You fought the urge to say something and only leaned against him as you walked in silence. If you opened your mouth he’d start asking questions and you didn’t want to give him the answers. You didn't want to tell him that you accepted him every time he showed up at your door because you loved him. If you opened your mouth, you’d ruin the night. So you kept quiet and only your night was ruined.

The calls and the texts would stop coming. Jungkook would stop showing up at your apartment and ask you to go to his. You'd start having too much food in your fridge and you’d stop waking up to the smell of something burning. That's when you knew he was okay. Other than the pictures displayed in pretty frames all over your apartment, there was no evidence of Jungkook’s existence. The smell of weed and cologne that hung on his clothes and in your sheets would soon fade away and silence would ring in your ears like loud music at a club. He was okay, he didn't need you to fix him anymore.

So when all of this happened, you weren’t surprised. He was okay, he didn't need you anymore. You were just sad and tired. Tired of constantly putting all your feelings aside just to fix him and then be left alone to deal with your own heartbreak. You had to end that toxic cycle because it was harder to pretend you were okay each time Jungkook showed up at your door.

Three weeks after you last saw him and several failed attempts of giving up later, you found yourself at Jungkook’s door. After spending so many years trying to let him go, you knew you weren’t going to be able to. He was stable enough to handle a confession and even though you weren’t stable enough to handle a rejection, it was crucial. You’d end up hurt whether you ended the cycle or not. You knocked and prayed he was home, scolding yourself for not texting him before you got there. Maybe it was better that way, you’d just say what you had to say without having time to think about what you were doing.

Jungkook opened the door, his face lighting up when he saw you. Your foot tapped impatiently on the floor and your hands, balled up into fists inside the pockets of your hoodie were shaking.

“(Y/N), I was about to call you.” Jungkook smiled “Come on in.”

“I can’t.” You shook your head “But I have to talk to you.”

“Okay…” He trailed off, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

You took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, hesitating for a second.

“I’m in love with you.” You blurted out “I’ve been in love with you since the day you had your first cigarette on the backyard of your parents’ house. And I’ve sat here for years wiping your tears and pushing my feelings aside...and then you leave and next time I see you is when you introduce me to someone new and then I see you when they break your heart. And then I think about confessing to you when I think you’re ready but you’ve already moved on and I know that it’s gonna end badly and that I’m going to end up being the one who takes care of you.” You breathed out “So, yeah. I know you probably don't love me back but...I needed you to know that I am in love with you and the way your eyes sparkle and your failed attempts of cooking breakfast in the morning and when you text me stupid memes at 3 am. And I hope I’m not too late.”

You didn't expect him to yell at you or close the door in your face. But in that moment, it seemed like a better option than just silence. You dared to look at him, his wide brown eyes were already on you, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something but forgot how to speak. A few seconds went by, although they felt like hours to you and the more time passed, the more you were regretting showing up at his door. What were you thinking? You had probably ended your lifelong friendship because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. Reality was starting to hit you hard and you just wanted to disappear. If you could only turn back time, you would’ve stopped yourself from showing up and fuck things up.

Jungkook was still silent and wide-eyed, unable to react as you squirmed under his gaze. And that’s when you heard it, an unknown voice and footsteps coming from inside the apartment.

“Babe, who is it?”

Your eyes widened as you made eye contact with Jungkook hoping, praying that it wasn't what you were thinking. But soon enough, someone else, another face you wouldn't remember and another name you wouldn't memorize showed up looking at you curiously. You were too late.

“I-I’m sorry.” Your voice trembled as you took a step back, ready to leave.

After you turned your back, you heard Jungkook close the door as he was still being bombarded with questions about your presence. You weren't worried about it, he’d figure it out. What you were worried about was the damage you had inflicted on your friendship. What would you do without Jungkook? How were you supposed to live without someone that was like the air in your lungs and the blood in your veins?

The drive home was terrible as you tried to hold in your tears. And the days after that were horrible too. You called him, but he never picked up. You texted him, but he never replied. And after twenty years of friendship, you didn't have the guts to show up at his door once again and apologize. Lie, say everything was just a misunderstanding. Anything to get things to how they were before.

Seoul was starting to suffocate you because everything reminded you of Jungkook. The restaurant you’d get takeout every other night held so many memories of your late night dinners with Jungkook. Every park in town was a place where you had stargazed curled up against each other when life was too much. The streets filled with restaurants, shops, and food stands made your chest ache as you walked past them. The lights overwhelmed you and you could only remember, with a bitter taste in your mouth, how good they looked on Jungkook’s skin. Jungkook’s happy little pill ended up in an overdose and you were the one to blame.

Heartbroken and with guilt weighing on your chest, you decided to go back to your hometown, at least until things settled down. You’d deal with things when you finally got enough courage to get back to Seoul.

“Hi, Jungkook it’s me. Uh, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me but...I just wanted to let you know I’m going back home for a while. My train leaves tonight. Once again, I’m sorry.”

As you waited by the platform for your train with your suitcase next to your feet, cold and alone, you wanted nothing but to stay. Turn your back and walk to your apartment, forget about all your problems, forget about the world and for the first time in a long time feel at peace. Unfortunately, things didn't work how you wanted them to and it was best for you, for Jungkook, for the two of you if you left for a while.

There were only a few people on the platform, who seemed exhausted and also ready to go home. You wondered who they were, where they came from and if they felt as bad as you did. You spotted your train and grabbed your suitcase. You let the other people get on the train first and before you followed them, you stopped. The silence of the station rang heavy in your ears and you took a deep breath before walking up to the entrance.

“(Y/N)” You quickly turned around, fearing that you were just hearing things.

But you weren't. Jungkook ran up to you as fast as his long legs could carry him and stopped a few feet away from you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked surprised.

“I heard your voicemail.” He replied slightly out of breath “I can’t let you go.”

“W-What do you mean?”

You glanced at the train that you should be getting on and back at Jungkook who walked closer to you. You didn't know what you were supposed to do. Part of you was happy that he was there but another part, a bigger part, was scared. Why was he there? What if he was there just to tell you that he didn’t love you back? It was nothing new to you, his silence had given you the answer to a confession you really didn't think through.

“I can’t let you go because…” He hesitated “I have to tell you that I’m in love with you too. And I’m sorry I didn't realize it sooner.”

You didn't know how to react. Jungkook had probably expected you to run into his arms or maybe slap him across the face for playing with your feelings. Instead, he got wide eyes and open mouth as you tried to come up with a sentence, but your brain didn't seem to be able to put words together in that moment. The silence was killing him and it was killing you too.

“I didn't realize that I was in love with the way you look in the morning when you wake up or the way you look under the stars when I take you out to stargaze. Or the way your nose scrunches up when you eat the food I cook. The way you’re there for me and never ask for anything in return. Every happy memory I have, you’re there and along the way, I’m not sure where I fell in love with you.” Jungkook paused “I hope it’s not too late.”

You tilted your head, wondering if that was the way he confessed to all the people who broke his heart and left you to deal with the wounds in his chest. Jungkook closed the distance between the two of you, your chests practically touching as the train started to leave. And without hesitating, you kissed him. You kissed him like it was something you had been doing all your life like it was something you were meant to do. Your heart was thumping in your chest, to the point where you felt like you were having a heart attack. But it was just Jungkook’s presence that made you feel that way. It didn't matter if it’d kill you, it’d be a good way to go. Your hair was being swept by the breeze created by the train and you dropped your suitcase to cup his face with both hands. It was too late to leave, but it wasn’t too late to love Jungkook.

When you pulled away, Jungkook’s hands still planted firmly on your hips as if he was scared you’d disappear, you smiled at each other. Jungkook leaned his forehead against yours and pecked your lips one, two, three more times. It was like he couldn't get enough of you. But to be fair, you couldn't get enough of him either.

“I love you too.” You confessed, the weight of the guilt caused by your sudden confession finally lifted off your chest.

And it was in that empty train station that you realized that all the times you pushed your feelings away hadn’t been in vain, neither were Jungkook’s countless heartbreaks. Everything led up to that moment, it was written in the stars. The two of you were meant to be. Walking out of the train station towards Jungkook’s car, one of his hands grasped yours tightly and the other carried your suitcase, he looked up.

“The sky is dark tonight.”

You looked up as well, noticing that he was right. Only this time you told him why.

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flying-elliska · 5 years

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I finally finished Call Down the Hawk ! Here’s my first reaction (very spoilery!!!!)

- On the whole I loved it. Loved most of the new characters, the themes, the more grown up vibe and the expanding worldbuilding. Is very clearly a set up, opening novel so a bit frustrating in the pacing but nothing major, just a lot more questions than answers. I just felt like it was still the start of the novel, rising tension and then boom ! the end. Had the same feeling with the Raven Boys tbh. But mostly I didn’t want it to end so soon.

- this book is so sad ? but sad in a nuanced, gotta cope with it, adult sort of way. Like TRC was about a cool adventure quest, of course there were threats but it was full of magic and friendship and the thrill of becoming yourself and wanting *something more.*This is about stopping the end of the world and people having no good options and I can’t think of one main character in this book that isn’t like...subtly devastating. But it’s sad in a way that centers the agency of the protagonists and how much they care and how hard they’re trying, so it doesn’t feel fatalistic or gloomy. It’s just *arrrrrgh my heart*. They’re all trying so hard to cope but if they don’t find a better way to cope with their problems soon it’s going to kill them. Lol the young adult mood nowadays or what.

- Ronan broke my heart, really. I loved that on one hand there are clear signs that he’s grown so much - he is able to show tenderness, to be open about his sexuality, he’s taken control of his dreaming to a point where he’s capable to help Hennessy - but at the same time he’s clearly depressed and he doesn’t know his place in the world and feels like everyone is moving on without him. Because the implications of his powers make it impossible for him to live a ‘normal’ life. Surviving your teenage years and self-acceptance is only the beginning ; then you have to deal with a world that isn’t made for you. He needs to find his people. This is just so, so relatable for a neuroatypical twenty-something...feels like a punch in the face. I am sooooo happy he found Hennessy and I can’t wait to see where their relationship goes. Worried about Bryde and how easily he could manipulate Ronan, though. Also, I am interested in the new sun symbolism attached to him - the kid permanently dressed in black with his ‘night horrors’ previously - now he’s making little lights/little suns everywhere in the guise of fireflies or floating flowers or little lights ; he has sundogs and a sun blade. Obviously there could be a link to the fire that is slated to destroy the world (and Kavinsky’s fire dragon !!!!) but it can also very much go in the direction of ‘stepping into the light’ and full life giving potential and sun-drenched tomatoes and happiness. MAN his arc in this trilogy is going to rock so hard i just cannot wait.

- I just love Hennessy and her girls so, so much. The idea of living with clones of yourself is so fascinating to me...the fact that Hennessy struggles with the similarities with her mother, the artist who killed herself, and how caring for the girls seems to be a substitute for caring for herself, which she can’t manage. That scene in the bathroom...heartbreaking. Like can you imagine not being able to sleep for longer than 20 min ? That’s torture. Nod her relationship with Jordan, so complex. This idea of ‘my parallel universe self can live a better life than me if I keep all the self-hate’ ; of dreaming a better version of yourself. They care for each other so much but there is so much resentment being trapped in that state of being too. I wonder why Hennessy dreamed copies instead of something else : out of a need to be less alone with her plight ? To find others like her ? Or is it a darker ‘take her not me’ way to hide ? The fact that she gets a moon sword in the end (the moon being a reflection of the sun duh) makes this symbolism all the more present. Maybe she had this struggle of feeling like a copy of her mother, beautiful and wild and doomed and codependent on the man she loved. I can’t wait to see where this goes. I was just heartbroken that most of the girls had to die. Plus some bi rep yayyyyy (and more characters that are not white dudes ftw). It’s interesting that the Lace picked her specifically to torment ; I can’t help but feel it’s tied to that unsteady sense of self. Anyway, I really hope Hennessy gets to a place of love and self knowledge and self care and being surrounded by people who love her. I feel like her POV really underlines how tiring it can be to doubt yourself so constantly.

- Declan Lynch ! Wow, I just love love love a POV switch that shows unsuspected depths about a previously disliked character. His arc is really *eldest sibling plight* taken to the extreme. Being boring for survival because you can’t afford to be a problem. Yup, extremely relatable too. It’s very refreshing because a lot of the MC of TRC have this ‘edgy cool we don’t like rules vibes’ which can come over as very immature (i meah duh they’re teens) and Declan had to grow up too fast and his sticking to the rules and trying to impose structure on Ronan’s life and completely draining his own life of any sense of joy or individuality, feels half like a survival technique half trauma response stemming from the terror of being given responsibilities at way too young an age and coping with the chaotic environment he grew up in and the constant threat of discovery. It’s like, textbook ‘child parentalization’ and it really sucks and Niall Lynch is an incredible asshole. And Ronan is pretty much stuck in father worship mode and turning all his anger towards Declan. The growth there...is going to be super therapeutic. And I love his thing with Jordan. Survival makes it impossible for them to be their true selves but they find something true together ? Aww. I can’t wait for them to be together at the Barns, which is really Romance Central in this universe. (I foresee angst too but ehhhh). And more art flirting and museum dates.

- I also love how dream beings are getting more autonomy in this book. I think Declan distancing himself from Jordan in the end is this old complex about being non-magical and therefore inferior, but also because he doesn’t consider dreams to be real people capable of consent or interiority. I found the idea of Aurora Lynch always extraordinarily fucked up and in this book we learn it’s even worse - that she was basically a copy of Declan’s real mom ? Imagine growing up with that...no wonder he hates Niall. Though the idea of Mor O Corra doing the same thing is really intriguing, makes you wonder what the fuck happened there (was it a mutual decision ? was it a revenge thing ? Man their whole family is just so messed up lmao. But I just love the idea of Boudicca and the magical lady mob though.) And Matthew learning he is a dream and starting to deviating from his ‘happy but kind of dumb’ behavior in the previous books. He’s always been this previsible creature but now he isn’t and I feel like a big difference between him and Jordan was this knowledge. She has this knowledge of what she is and she immediately has more sense of self and agency and I feel that that’s a key theme of the book - knowledge, self knowledge. It’s basically what the ‘Call Down the Hawk’ title links to - Bryde talking about the man who turned into a falcon and then a hawk and learning so much about the world ; calling down the hawk would mean the man coming down and sharing this knowledge ; for Ronan it’s as well meeting and helping Hennessy ; so it’s about knowing your own nature through meeting people who are like you, as well. I love !!!!!

- Adam ! Not enough Adam in this book. I spent the book missing him, but that makes sense, because that’s the mindset Ronan is in. He represents what Ronan can’t have, and the Longing tm just permeates the whole book. Everytime he appears he’s just the epitome of cool, whether as dark academia vibes Harvard Student with his queer clique the Crying Club or Hot Motorcycle Boyfriend. He knows exactly what Ronan needs - understands his distrust when Ronan wonders if this is the Real Adam, tells him ‘go slow’ instead of just don’t, wants to take a look at Bryde to check the dude out, drives eight fucking hours on a motorcycle he can’t even drive properly to spend three hours with Ronan...he’s just like a dreamboat in this one lmao and after all the shit he went through in TRC...Therapeutic. But he is also increasingly distant and it’s so painful in a delicious way - the longing between characters who are already together but who are being kept apart by life is one of my fave angst tropes ever. Ronan wants to grow old with him and has romantic horny farmer dreams about him and the whole ‘tamquam alter idem’ thing...Boi i die that shit is just so...Romance tm. And I love how true to them it is, they’re achingly tender and yet there is still that strong chaotic shithead vibe between the two of them. Honestly the fight with the murder crabs was fucked up but made me laugh so much too. But then Ronan not being able to stay ? HEARTBREAKING. Ronan having Adam under ‘MANAGEMENT’ in his phone...really fucking funny but also feels like Ronan puts a sense of stability and direction in Adam and now that Adam is so distant...he feels extra vulnerable so he compensates with jokes. Ouch. Anyway I really want more about Adam and the Crying Club. Adam’s mix of cold, calculating pragmatism and compassion and understanding ? I love him so much, damn. I hope he’s a POV character in next book. I can see Ronan disappearing with Bryde and Adam looking for him, tbh. He’s too important to Ronan to stay on the periphery forever I hope.

- the Carmen Farooq-Lane chapters were my least favorite, especially when she’s with Parsifal - it felt kind of repetitive. I feel like Maggie’s villain chapters are often sort of a weak point - the bad guys tend to be either ‘Vague Ominous Cosmic Horror Entity that wants to Destroy Everything’ (also often a terrifying reflection of mental health issues/existential terror) or ‘Evil Prep’ lmao, and I had the same feeling w the Whelk or Greenmantle chapters in TRC. That said, I feel like Farooq-Lane has potential. Her persistent self delusion about how she’s the good guy is fascinating. Her ‘evil sibling, obvious trauma hidden by politeness and cleanliness, probably is going to have a redemption arc’ thing feels very Gray Man. Her punching Ramsay moment was very ‘hell yeah’ and tbh I already ship her with Liliana - who feels a bit underdrawn at the moment too, but interesting potential. The Moderators, still, feel a bit too ‘generic lawful evil agency’ yet, but the concept is interesting. I really really love Bryde as an idea though. His speeches to Ronan are fascinating ; from one aspect they really illustrate a fascinating concept of the Earth coming back to real magic but from another, he sounds like a cult leader. Selling this idea to vulnerable people that their difference makes them special - and well Ronan and Hennessy definitely are, but does that make them better than other people ? Seen as how Ronan reacts to Declan, it feels like he would be vulnerable to that idea. Hennessy not so much ; I can see her accept Bryde’s help out of pure necessity maybe, but not be swayed by his lies. I really feel like they’re going to need each other.

- So much cool worldbuilding...The Fairy Market concept is amazing (but also scary as shit right...like they’re selling people ? Probably dreams but that is still fucked up as hell ? Then again we’ve seen dreams die in pretty casual circumstances so the question is very much ‘so...what is personhood here?’). The idea of Visionaries is absolutely horrifying. Some people saying Adam could become one ? My god I’m not sure if I could stand those levels of angst. His ‘seeing the future of the world instead of people’ thing though...feels very compatible. Or at least like Adam could contrebalance the Visionaries’s visions somehow at the very least. Anyway, this is going to hurt. But it’s cool to have more answers ; the ending of TRC left a lot unexplained in my mind about the Lynch fam or why all those people wanted the Greywaren so bad etc. So this is very satisfying.

- So Miss Maggie really went wanting to be normal at the expense of your true self is no way to live and also if you don’t create what you need to, you're going to die ? haha thanks for the callout i feel attacked. But honestly her saying that this was about the necessity and price of creation man I am soooo interested in where this is going to go next. All in all a stellar book, 10/10 would read again to overanalyze (yeah more than this even), most frustrating thing is waiting for the next one

#call down the hawk #cdth #cdth spoilers #maggie stiefvater #pynch

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