#every time i wake up i roll into an endless pit

[heliads]

Hi 👋🏻 I was wondering if I could request a readerxpercy Jackson characters platonic, who’s a child of hades who’s a very sunny small cinnamon roll who likes to wear sundresses but is also really awkward and they kind of have to navigate there new life at camp half blood after being claimed love you stuff btw❤️

me when appearances are deceiving

masterlist

Percy Jackson gets weird around dead people. It’s a habit he’s tried his hardest to shake, but honestly, he doesn’t feel that he should be punished for this. Who doesn’t flinch at the sight of a corpse up and walking like they’re late for brunch plans with the other rotting besties?

Well, Percy does know one person seemingly born without that natural aversion to the deceased. They’re the reason he’s in such a predicament, actually. See, this is just what he gets for trying to be warm and welcoming. If Percy had just left the kind, happy, welcome-to-Camp-Half-Blood, you’re-going-to-die-now part to the actual camp tour guides, he wouldn’t be stuck trying to wake the dead.

As if Percy hasn’t done enough of this. The first time he heard about the plan, he was hit by a thousand flashbacks of a rather sullen Nico de Angelo, mossy gravestones, and French fries sinking alarmingly into a pit of endless earth. Gods, he hadn’t been able to eat McDonald’s for weeks without thinking about moldy flesh, and that truly is a crime against humanity.

That was Nico, though. This is Y/N. Y/N L/N to be precise, a new demigod to Camp Half-Blood and so not Percy’s problem except for the fact that they kind of are. Percy had been minding his own business at camp– well, as much as any hyperactive kid can– when they’d approached him asking for help. Percy had seen this as his chance to prove himself helpful and he’d agreed. If only Y/N had warned him about the corpse sightings before Percy said he was down. Then he might have been able to weasel out of this mess.

Then again, he probably should have seen this coming. Y/N is a child of Hades, one of the rare descendants of the god of the Underworld that Percy has had the privilege of meeting. They’re also utterly unlike any other child of the dead that Percy has met, probably because they’re actually an optimist. Y/N has a bright smile and wears sundresses. Y/N grins infectiously and leads the Hades cabin at nightly camp sing-a-longs, which actually isn’t hard to do. Nico still looks like he wants to melt into the ground every time someone strikes up a tune unless Will Solace gets on his case.

Percy worries about Y/N sometimes. Despite the fact that there’s really no point in distrusting a demigod because of their godly parent (unless that godly parent is Ares, then Percy is totally justified in any and all irritation), Y/N’s status as a Hades kid hasn’t exactly won them the warmest of welcomes from the other campers. Y/N’s slowly winning them over because it only takes one conversation with them to learn that they’re not a weirdo, but still. The going is slow. Maybe Percy could help with that.

The situation had come about just this morning. Percy was finishing up his breakfast with his usual gusto (blue waffles and blueberry syrup, you will always be a creation worthy of the gods themselves) when Y/N had approached him hesitantly. At first, they’d hardly been able to get the words out, and then it had all come out at once and he’d been swept away on a tidal wave of explanations and anticipated reactions.

He’d asked Y/N to slow down on the walk over back to his cabin. In the end, what he managed to put together was this:  Y/N needed help with a situation that required the help of someone who might be able to defend them from attack if it came to that. Y/N has only been at camp for two short months, which isn’t a whole lot of time to pick up the nuance of sword fighting as compared to Percy’s years of experience. Sure, a lot of that came from picking fights he probably should have ran from, but sometimes you just have to face your problems head on, right? Right?

Anyway, Percy felt proud that someone would ask him for help, so he said no before he could stop himself. It had been a while since he was out on a quest, maybe he was itching for something to do after all.

Well, he’s certainly found himself a good amount of trouble then. Y/N’s grin split their face with eager excitement when Percy agreed to help out, and they’d gestured for him to follow them to the woods.

See, that should have been his first sign that something was going to go wrong. Nothing good ever happens in the woods surrounding Camp Half-Blood. Percy can rattle off about a thousand and one mishaps that all took place in the shadowy oaks and desolate hollows of the camp wilderness. If the monsters roaming the forest weren’t enough, Percy has found Labyrinth entrances, been stung by a scorpion thanks to Luke Castellan’s betrayal, and launched an assault against an infestation of Myrmekes all within those same oaken confines.

Not the greatest place to start this favor, to say the least. Speaking of which, Percy still doesn’t really have a good idea what exactly he’s doing here. Sure, Y/N told him, but he might have been spacing out during that conversation. In his defense, he had seen Annabeth walking by when Y/N was finally getting to that point, and she’d had her hair down. As if he could be expected to pay attention under such circumstances.

Y/N finally comes to a stop in the middle of a rough clearing. “This should do well,” they decide.

Percy nods solemnly, eyeing the blank earth like he has any idea what is going. “Yes, it should. Just to make sure everything’s ironed out, uh, it’s going to do well for what, again?”

“Raising the dead,” Y/N says without a trace of hesitation.

Percy blinks. “Sorry, I think I heard you wrong. We’re doing what?”

“There’s a dead person, and I want to talk to them,” Y/N clarifies.

Percy turns to them. “There are a lot of dead people in the world. Who are you trying to talk to, and why? And why am I here for this? And why are we doing this on camp grounds? And–”

Y/N cuts him off before he can really get going, which Percy only mildly dislikes. “Listen, I know it sounds like a lot, and I’m super sorry, but this is important. I had a dream from my dad.”

“I see,” Percy says, like the mere mention of a dream clears up everything. In all honesty, it kind of does. Percy has received his share of godly commandments through dreams. For some reason, if it weren’t enough for the gods to ruin his life by giving him impossible tasks, they always take it upon themselves to mess up his beauty rest as well. He can’t have anything around here.

“Yeah,” Y/N says slowly, “he was there in the dream, and he said I needed to talk to someone. A soldier who died in the Revolutionary War. Apparently they know something that will help with the defense of the camp.”

Percy frowns. “If Hades knows who you need to talk to, why doesn’t he just tell you outright? Especially if it’s to protect the camp, that’s serious.”

Unconsciously, Percy reaches into his pocket to tap Riptide and make sure it’s still there. He doesn’t like the thought that there’s something wrong with the camp. He’s done enough time worrying over Thalia’s tree and the like. If the defenses are failing and no one knows about it but the god of the Underworld, well, it doesn’t exactly sound good.

Y/N groans. “Believe me, I asked him that myself. He just said some nonsense about needing to trust the journey and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I woke up not too long after that.”

“Sounds like a god,” Percy muses. Thunder rumbles overheard, and he fights the urge to flash an obscene gesture at the sky. He doubts it would give Y/N any more faith in him, though, and they’re already looking at him like they expect him to run.

“Well,” he says slowly, hating himself for going along with this truly awful plan, “let’s talk to a dead guy, then.”

Y/N’s face brightens in an instant. “You’ll do it with me? Really?”

“Oh, I’m not going to be doing it,” Percy clarifies in a rush, “That’s all you, sorry. I will stand here and look menacing behind you, though. Ghosts can be a bit of a mess. I feel like you could use some reinforcements.”

“That would be perfect,” Y/N admits.

They kneel on the ground, gently pushing some dirt away with their hand while grabbing a small flask with their other. Judging by the ease with which they unscrew the lid of the vial and pour a dark liquid on the ground, this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. Percy isn’t sure if that makes him more or less concerned.

“What, uh, is that stuff?” Percy asks, trying not to seem too conspicuously freaked out. This may not be his first ghost-summoning rodeo, but that doesn’t mean he’s down with everything. 

“Iced tea,” Y/N says matter-of-factly, “They’re Revolutionary War era, right? I feel like they’ll be called to tea. Or at least want to dump it in the Boston Harbor.”

Percy has to respect that logic. He’s certain he could do no better, at least. Y/N murmurs a few words in what sounds like Ancient Greek, and a cold wind blows through the clearing, making Percy’s nerves stand on edge. As he watches, indistinct shapes form at the edges of the forest, a few braver ones daring to approach and sip at the pool of tea. It occurs to him that this might be the strangest tea party he’s ever attended, and it takes everything in Percy to not start laughing. He’s not sure the ghosts would take to that all that well.

One solidifies more than the others after drinking. Y/N narrows their eyes at it. “Who sent you here?”

It opens a rotting jaw to answer. “Hadesssss.”

The word comes out in a hiss of smoke and dying exhales. Percy had pulled out Riptide the second Y/N started chanting (usually a good time to have weapons in hand), and his knuckles clench around the grip now. He does not like that sound. This is so not a good morning.

Y/N nods. “What do you know about camp defenses?”

The guy takes a while to respond. Percy likes to think it’s because the ghost is particularly well-spoken and not because it has to get the other half of its jaw to swing back in place before it can answer. Definitely not that.

“There’ssss a curse upon the boundariessss,” it whispers decomposedly, “it liftsss every hundred yearsssssss.”

“What do we have to do to fix it?” Y/N asks. Percy has to admire their determination. He would like to run, but they’re still there, just as focused as ever.

The ghost considers this. “There’s a ssssscroll owned by the centaur. Read it before nightfall and your livessss will be sssssspared.”

Y/N starts to ask another question, but the ghost’s eyes roll back in its head. “Death callssss me back,” it moans, “sssstay alive, child of Hadessssss.”

The ghost is pulled away from them, back towards the edge of the forest, away into nothingness. Some of the other ghosts surge towards the small lake of tea in the hopes of gaining more energy now that the main speaker is gone, but Percy steps in front, blade extended, and they back off. Soon enough, all of the dead are gone, and it’s just the two of them alone in the clearing.

“Well,” Y/N says brightly, “I think that went well.”

“You do?” Percy asks, frowning.

“Sure,” they explain, “we have answers, don’t we? That’s great.”

A voice sounds from behind them. “I think I’d like some answers.”

Percy turns around to see Chiron coming to a stop, arms folded. “Why are the two of you in the woods unsupervised? Percy, you know the rules.”

Percy winces. Totally forgot about that. He’s probably skipping arts and crafts. Given Percy’s lack of skills related to sculpture, though, maybe that’s for the best. He thinks he might have actually traumatized the instructor with his last clay piece. In Percy’s defense, though, his centerpiece really wasn’t supposed to look that much like a Gorgon.

“I was just thinking,” he says slowly, trying to think of some way to warn Chiron without actually mentioning the fact that they’d been summoning the dead, “You know, since the camp has been around so long. Got to be hundreds of years, right? So cool that the defenses have held up so long. You know, and they don’t have to be, uh, renewed, right? Not like a contractually obligated thing to keep performing a spell every century. That would be crazy.”

Chiron blinks in surprise, and then his eyes widen. “Actually, one such spell does exist. Thank you for reminding me, Percy. Out of curiosity, how did you have such good timing? I imagine anyone who knows about that spell is long since dead?”

“Dead?” Percy repeats, the picture of innocence. “Well, that’s ridiculous. Who could talk to the dead, right? Certainly not me. Or Y/N. I just had, you know, a good auspicious dream. I love dreams. Have them all the time, actually.”

Chiron stares at him, and Percy gets that familiar feeling that the centaur can see straight through his soul and read his mind. At last, he lifts a shoulder. “Dreams can certainly hold meaning. Well, thank you anyway.”

Chiron turns to leave, but pauses at the edge of the clearing. Percy allows himself a small moment of celebration that they’d managed to get out of this without getting caught.

“Oh, and Y/N?” The centaur says, “Next time you summon the dead, do it with adult supervision. Or at least adult supervision with a better alibi.”

“Will do,” Y/N calls cheerfully, and Chiron leaves without another word.

Well, it’s not Percy’s strangest morning. He’s sure he’ll have more, too. He grins at Y/N, who breaks out into laughter.

“What do you say we head back into camp?” Percy suggests.

“That sounds great to me,” Y/N says. 

The sun lights their way back through the waving trees. Percy decides that he’s had his fill of dead people for a while. No ghosts for at least the next month. It’s a new personal rule.

pjo tag list: @w1shes43, @fadedver, @anxiety-werewolf

#percy jackson #percy jackson imagines #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson oneshot #pjo #pjo imagines #pjo x reader #pjo oneshot #pjo percy #pjo percy imagines #pjo percy x reader #pjo percy oneshot

[wren-kitchens]

feelings (p1)

okay this took me literally 3 days to complete cause I kept getting stuck and i’m still not totally happy with it but I haven’t posted anything in a while and I wanna make a p2 soon so here ya go

(CWs: mentions of death, self deprecating thoughts)

grian wakes up in what seems to be the void. but it’s different. it’s an expanse of nothingness, sure, but there’s light, and he’s pretty sure whatever he’s sitting on is solid. the void has neither light, nor a floor.

he frowns and looks around, trying to figure out why and how he’s here, when he spots scar lying a few meters away from him. oh. they’re dead. this isn’t the void, it’s the afterlife.

grian shuffles over to him. “scar?”

scar doesn’t wake up.

“scar?” grian repeats, shaking scar’s shoulder lightly. still no response.

grian doesn’t understand. he should be awake. he can’t be dead, they’re in the afterlife, so what’s going on?

his mind fills with all the possibilities— he was killed after he died, something went wrong and his body was taken but not his soul, the watchers found a way to torture him more, he can’t wake up ever again.

“scar!?” grian shakes him aggressively, panic rising in his voice. “scar!?”

and thank god, scar’s eyes flutter open, blinking at the light. “grian? what’s go-mmph!”

grian throws his arms around scar, cutting off whatever he was going to say, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“hey there.” scar strokes grian’s hair, chuckling. “what’s up?”

“don’t ever do that to me again.” grian says, muffled. he pulls away to see scar’s face, gripping his collar. “I thought you’d died.”

“well, technically-“

“shut up, you know what I mean.” grian says. “I thought I wasn’t going to be able to see you again.”

“well, you know I wouldn’t let that happen.” scar says. there’s a glint of something in his eyes. “so, this is the afterlife?” scar looks around, and grian realises the position they’re in. he scrambles backwards, face flushing, and looks pointedly away from scar.

“um, y-yeah.” grian clears his throat, embarrassed.

he can hear scar laughing quietly. “should we do some exploring? there might be something here.”

“like what?” grian looks back at scar, who is grinning at him.

“well, who knows?” scar gets up off the floor, extending a hand to grian. “it’s an adventure, isn’t it?”

grian reluctantly stands and takes his hand. scar beams at him, and leads him forwards.

“so, where exactly are we going?” grian asks after a moment. he’s trying to ignore how warm scar’s hand is.

“we’re going on an adventure!” scar waves his free hand like he’s gesturing to something. “who knows where we’ll end up?”

“so you don’t know, basically.” grian grins.

“ah, that’s the fun of it!” scar turns to wink at him. “the possibilities are endless!”

grian rolls his eyes. “i’d say the possibilities are pretty slim right now. void, void and more void.”

“you never know, there could be something out there.” scar says.

“you should be a door-to-door salesman.” grian says. “you’re good at selling things that don’t exist.”

“well, I basically was on 3rd life.” scar says nonchalantly. grian feels a pit form in his stomach. “do you remember that time I bought jimmy’s chestplate for ten friendship points?”

grian forces a laugh. “yeah, I can’t believe that worked.”

“and bdubs’ loyalty for a clock.” scar continues. “honestly, it’s kind of ironic how bdubs and impulse were soulbound after 3rd life.”

scar has to know what he’s doing, right? he can’t just be saying this for no reason.

“and us, I mean, who’d have thought we’d be together again, huh?” scar chuckles. “the scahara desert was a major success, and we almost got a working monopoly this time.”

scar notices grian’s silence and squeezes his hand. “you okay? you’re being awfully quiet.”

“do you hate me?” grian asks. it’s such a childish sounding question, but he needs to ask.

“of course i don’t!” scar stops walking, turning to face grian.

“why?” grian looks up. “you have every reason to.”

“well, I suppose you could have told me about bigb, but I fo-“

“don’t.” grian pulls his hand from scar’s and steps backwards, folding his arms close to his chest. “don’t say you forgive me. i’ve done nothing to deserve it.”

scar tilts his head to the side, frowning slightly. “what’s this about?” his voice is soft.

“i’ve done so much to you, and you just keep on forgiving me.” grian says. “and you shouldn’t. you should have just- just left me when you had the chance, because now we’re stuck together no matter what.” there’s a lump in his throat, but he is determined not to cry.

“god, grian, how could I ever leave you?” scar reaches a hand out and cups grian’s face, rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

tears start to well up in grian’s eyes. he squeezes them shut. “I killed you, scar. I cheated on you, and then I killed you. why don’t you care?”

“because i know why.” scar says, and grian snaps his eyes open. scar’s expression is soft, and almost pitying. “and I can’t be mad at you for that.”

“you know why?” grian asks, because even he’s not sure why he did it.

scar nods. “it reminded you of the desert. you didn’t want to kill me again.”

grian feels his heart plummet as he realises that scar is right.

“I noticed how you didn’t hit me to show I was your soulbound.” scar says. “i don’t think you’ve hit me all season.”

grian nods meekly, eyes wet.

“you wanted to be paired with someone else, because you didn’t want to hurt me.” scar moves slightly closer, hand still on grian’s cheek. “you know you’re cursed to kill the most important person to you on each season, and you didn’t want it to be me again.”

“yeah.” grian whispers. he doesn’t trust his voice enough to speak any louder.

“now, why would I hate you for that?” scar rubs a thumb across grian’s cheek.

“because I still hurt you in the process.” grian says.

“what, and i’m supposed to be mad at you for that?” scar asks.

“i just-“ grian’s voice breaks, and his eyes start to tear up. “I don’t understand how you can keep on forgiving me.”

scar laughs, which really isn’t appropriate for the situation. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” he says quickly. “but- you really don’t know?”

grian shakes his head.

“and they told me it was obvious.” scar chuckles. he sobers, and looks back at grian, smiling. “grian, I love you. i’d follow you to the ends of the earth and back if it meant I could stay by your side.” he pulls back, giving him space. “and you don’t have to respond now, or even at all. but i felt like you needed to know that.”

grian is.. well he’s speechless. all this time? after everything?

“wow, i can’t believe I just said that. I really thought I- oof!” for the second time, grian cuts scar off with a hug.

“i’m not good at figuring out how i feel.” he says. “but I care about you. I want to have an answer for you.”

scar smiles, tearing up himself. he hugs grian back, and as he does, a bight light starts to shine next to them. they look over to it. it’s hermitcraft.

“well, what do you know?” scar says, a note of triumph in his shaky voice. “there really was something in this place.” he pulls away from the hug and offers his hand. “to the ends of the world?”

grian wipes his eyes with his sleeve and takes scar’s hand. “and back.”

and with that, they step forwards into the next world.

#endings /neg #anyway I have fun plans for the next part so that’ll probably be out relatively soon #scarian #desert duo #trafficshipping #hermitshipping #<— technically they’re not in hermitcraft yet but yk nearly #double life ficlet #I remembered to add the cut this time i’m proud of myself

[seriouslysnape]

Loving Every Inch

Neville Longbottom x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Language. Body image issues. Very brief sexual content.

Word Count: 1,461

“What about me had you so preoccupied?”

The rain fell steadily from the gray skies outside. The pattering of the rain on the roof was a monotonous drum in your ears as you subconsciously listened to it. Thousands of raindrops stuck to the windows and raced one another down to the bottom of the sill, leaving a wet trail behind them as they slid down the glass. Every few minutes or so, a roll of thunder would boom off in the distance causing Neville to flinch in your hold. He had straggled his way to your dorm, knocking on the door quietly as always, no matter how many times you told him that he didn’t have to knock.

He entered after you gave him permission, not saying a word until he had crashed on your bed. He found himself settled between your legs with his head resting on your chest. He mumbled a sweet, but brief “hello” before growing quiet. He had a rough week between a heavy workload and several exams that he had studied countless hours for. Over the course of the last five days, he had been by your side whenever he had a free chance (which still wasn’t very often). He had told you all about his shitty week and how it was seemingly endless. But alas, Friday was finally here and his hellish week was over.

You could feel the strain in his shoulders when you rubbed them, and the tension all over the rest of his body. Your fingers combed through his soft, dark hair that was strewn about his head. Neville usually put a decent amount of effort into making his hair look nice, but the way it was now showed otherwise. He had become a little more careless as the week had gone on, and his hair was the last of his worries. On top of that, he had been growing it out to “try a new look”, and it had developed a bit of a curl to it as it became lengthier. 

He babbled out a rather muffled sentence at the feeling of your nails scratching lightly at his head. You cocked your head to the side as you peered down at your boyfriend, wondering what in the world he had just said.

“Say again, Nev?” You requested.

“I said I’ll fall asleep if you keep that up.” He repeated, referring to the way you were massaging at his head.

You let out an airy laugh, ceasing the movement with your fingers.

“Sorry,” You apologized, “You can take a nap if you want.”

“I want to spend time with you, flower. I’ve hardly seen you.” He remarked, shaking his head in refusal.

“I’ll be here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere in this weather.” You referred to the nasty weather outside.

Neville turned his head to rest his chin on your chest to be able to look up at you. You could see it in his eyes that this week had done a number on him, but he seemed perfectly content where he was now. You swept some of the hair out of his face, his pupils dilating at the sentiment.

“Can we just lay here? Maybe talk for a bit?” He asked, his voice sounding small, “I’ve missed you, tulip.”

You smiled genuinely at him, pressing a kiss to his forehead with a nod.

“Sure. We can stay here,” You granted, “Did you have a good day?”

He shrugged, his head craning to the side just a touch as he continued to look at you.

“It’s better now. I...I’ve been thinking about you all day.” He admitted.

“Oh? All good things I hope.” You joked.

“Of course, love. I would never think badly of you.” He replied instantly.

“I know, Nev. I was just kidding,” You laughed, taking his face into your palms, stroking his cheekbones with your thumbs, “What about me had you so preoccupied?”

A sweet smile appeared on his face, his eyes brightening with happiness.

“I was thinking about how you’re so pretty; I couldn’t wait for the day to be over so I could see you...so I could touch you,” He explained, his hands trailing from your waist to your hips, “Haven’t seen you all week and I missed feeling you.”

“I missed you. I’m proud of you for working so hard.” You complimented him.

His voice had faded into a huskier tone, his eyes practically gleaming with anticipation. He pressed  a kiss just above your navel through your sweater, his fingertips curling around the hem of it. He went to lift it over your body, but you stopped his hands.

“Wait, don’t. I don’t...want to do this right now.” You blurt out, shimmying higher against the headboard away from him.

He caught your panicked tone and his shoulders dropped. Normally, if you weren’t feeling up to sex he’d just mumble a short “okay” and then move on. This time, though, he could tell it was something more than you just not feeling like it.

“But...I want to touch you. I want to make love to you.” He said, returning to his normal tone.

He kissed a few more times against the material of your sweater as he awaited a response. Body image was something that you had struggled with countless times before. It was something that Neville had always been willing to help you work through, praising you and assuring you that he thought you were perfect. It helped some, but some days were better than others.

“I know, angel, I just...don’t want to.” You lied.

Neville’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern. It had been quite a while since you had shied away when he tried to take your clothes off. He figured that since you hadn’t really been around each other lately that you had fallen back into a pit of doubt.

“If this is about your body, [Y/N], you know that I think you’re stunning,” He hushed out, his fingers dancing along your sides, “You don’t have to hide from me.”

You looked away from him, watching the layer of raindrops on the window from the steady storm outside. When you didn’t give him a response, he continued on.

“You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. I want you to see yourself the way that I do,” He stated, “I’ll never pressure you into anything, but I do love you. I love every inch of you.” 

He gazed up at you with pure admiration and desire. He would tell you for the rest of your life that he thought you were the most wonderful human to ever walk into his life. He cherished you and everything about you. He hated that you sold yourself short.

“I love you, Nev. I guess it’s just hard to see myself as beautiful.” You responded, nervously twirling at the hair on the back of his head.

His lips upturned into a slight smile, his head pinging with an idea.

“Can I show you?” He questioned.

“Show me?” You echoed.

“How beautiful you are?” He elaborated.

Your heart took a leap, but despite your hesitation, you nodded. His hands returned to the bottom of your sweater, but waited before trying to remove it.

“Can I...take this off?” He asked, pausing before doing anything.

You nodded again, and he whipped it off of your upper half. Neville’s eyes widened and his cheeks went red when he saw your breasts peeking over the top of your bra. You could feel the warmth of his blush under your fingertips, something that you always found endearing. Neville was easily flustered. He was shy, and it didn’t take much to have him red in the face. He had become much more confident with you over time to the point where he wasn’t constantly bashful around you. Although, your tits never failed to bring a pink tinge to his face.

“Pretty, pretty, pretty…” He almost whispered, his lips pressing a kiss to the top of your right breast, “All mine too. Thank Merlin I don’t have to share with anyone. Not sure I’d like that.”

His kisses moved up your chest to your neck where he stopped to suck softly in a few of your more sensitive neck areas. His hands were gentle on your body, one cupping your breast and the other beginning to fiddle with the side of your knickers.

“Neville…” You breathed out when he sucked just below your jugular.

“Mmhm?” He hummed, not interested in stopping what he was doing.

“I want you to…” You sighed when he moved to your other side, “...to fuck me.”

He chuckled kindly into your skin, capturing your lips in a deep kiss before complying.

“Anything for you, my pretty girl.”

#neville longbottom #neville longbottom x y/n #neville longbottom x you #neville longbottom x female reader #neville longbottom x fem! reader #neville longbottom fluff #neville longbottom smut #neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom oneshot #seriouslysnape

[kithtaehyung]

Last November (M)

title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est  ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!

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On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains. 

Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles. 

But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.

This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity. 

Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.  

The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms. 

It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all. 

But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides. 

The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.

What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin. 

You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song. 

Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted. 

The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.

Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.

Just like always.

The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown. 

During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.

“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Don’t worry, I can just—”

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date. 

“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”

“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.” 

His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”

The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie. 

Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood. 

It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice. 

“I like my singing voice, too.” 

Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go. 

“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”

Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.” 

“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.” 

Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after. 

An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off. 

“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.” 

Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.” 

The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity. 

“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.” 

Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.” 

A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!” 

Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.” 

You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.” 

As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears. 

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“No.” 

“Do it. She deserves to know.” 

You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways. 

As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier. 

What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill? 

Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.

The news had to be something urgent. 

Was Seokjin getting married? 

Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement? 

That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years. 

You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil. 

Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.” 

Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment. 

And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd. 

After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?” 

Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.” 

You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite. 

In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony. 

A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck. 

It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle. 

Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.” 

“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!” 

“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye. 

He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty. 

Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him. 

At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.

After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’” 

“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness. 

Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.

You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!” 

“So that song is…” 

“Wrong. Yes.” 

Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”  

The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff. 

“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”

“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him. 

And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.

“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?” 

Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was… 

“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.” 

It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss. 

You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights. 

The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn. 

It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all. 

Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time. 

However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression. 

But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned. 

The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace. 

“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.

“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.” 

“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!” 

And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter. 

In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex. 

Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.  

As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.

Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?” 

On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes. 

The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.

Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation. 

Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera. 

And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow. 

Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve. 

After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative. 

Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.

It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.” 

You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you. 

Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too? 

If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture? 

It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it. 

You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket. 

When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use. 

You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world. 

You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those. 

Why did you feel like that was significant? 

The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree. 

When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”

You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”

“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”

“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.

“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.” 

Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say. 

His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t. 

You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following. 

He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.

After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?” 

Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”

“What’s he hiding from me?”

Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.

“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge. 

“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed. 

“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.

Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”

“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered. 

“But aren’t they yours?” 

“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit. 

He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always. 

Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”

“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”

A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”

“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”

“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”

“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”

“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.” 

“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.” 

The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm? 

A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip. 

“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.” 

You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.

Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.” 

The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all. 

It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to. 

The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way. 

Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.

You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out. 

Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin. 

Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption? 

At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were. 

It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”

Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.” 

You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window. 

Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful. 

Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys. 

The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level. 

A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure. 

They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door. 

“No. We are not doing that again.” 

“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!” 

“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.” 

“But what if you get a room to yourself?” 

“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.” 

“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!” 

“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.” 

You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone. 

They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted. 

On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental. 

He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck. 

Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.” 

Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.” 

His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.  

As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.

The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away. 

It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.” 

Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”

Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.” 

A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows. 

You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars. 

Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.

Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.

Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.” 

“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room. 

“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!” 

You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?” 

Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,

“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—” 

“—Kook!” 

All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization. 

The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern. 

What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor. 

What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything? 

Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?” 

The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension. 

“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”  

“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat. 

When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye. 

Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.” 

Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room. 

You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit. 

The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder. 

“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”

Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”

Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt. 

It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.  

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him. 

The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside. 

“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby. 

When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside. 

“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.

Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.” 

You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.” 

Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again. 

“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief. 

You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire. 

“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like? 

“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.” 

“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!” 

“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room. 

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.  

Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself. 

That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend. 

It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.

This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November. 

A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl. 

Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.

Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.

“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.

The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.” 

The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.” 

When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door. 

You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently. 

Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen. 

Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.

Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill. 

Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!

Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will. 

Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!

Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.

Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it. 

Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room 

Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up

Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency

Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?

Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry 

Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb. 

Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message. 

What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you. 

Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels. 

Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one! 

With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.  

You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like. 

But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again. 

As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled. 

Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you. 

You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through. 

Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can. 

Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.  

“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?” 

You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll. 

“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say. 

“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request. 

“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.” 

You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.

If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?

The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips. 

“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”

“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start. 

Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse. 

If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over. 

With a breath, you finally knocked. 

It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness? 

“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.” 

He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead. 

Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?” 

You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?” 

There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.” 

“Why?” 

“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.” 

“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?” 

His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?” 

Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…” 

There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions. 

It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.” 

Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t. 

But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat. 

You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.

“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.” 

Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out. 

Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.” 

You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?” 

“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.” 

The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain. 

Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge. 

Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now. 

Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake. 

You didn’t want that. 

“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself. 

An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you. 

“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.

“What if I’m not?” 

You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was. 

How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that. 

“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?” 

“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all. 

“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.” 

You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time. 

Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did. 

“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?

“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point. 

This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It does to me.”

“Well, it’s none of your concern.”

“I don’t care if it is or not.”

“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress. 

The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that. 

But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.

Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you? 

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”

You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.

“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”

“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”

Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it. 

And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either. 

You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.” 

You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.” 

A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?” 

That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire. 

“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.” 

“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.

He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives. 

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”

You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you. 

Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.

“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.” 

Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to. 

You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.” 

Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.” 

Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?” 

“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.” 

Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again. 

The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.  

“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face. 

The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.  

But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset. 

Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants  like buoys amongst waves. 

“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard. 

Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.” 

Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?” 

“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!” 

You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill. 

Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?” 

Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s. 

Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.  

You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.  

“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room. 

Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…” 

Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner. 

The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that. 

He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two. 

Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that. 

And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later. 

Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing. 

Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.

The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing. 

And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders. 

His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?” 

You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.” 

Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.” 

Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.” 

“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.” 

A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.” 

Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.  

When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war? 

No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?” 

You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”

“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself. 

“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?” 

Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area. 

“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention. 

“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.” 

“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off. 

“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”

Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.  

From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space. 

Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit. 

Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded. 

But what if you were this time? 

You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark. 

A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous. 

Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?” 

Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.” 

You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications. 

“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.” 

You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already. 

But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries. 

As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.

When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.

The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still. 

No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice. 

Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start. 

And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm. 

Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face. 

But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender. 

Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings. 

His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge. 

Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face. 

“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”

You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs. 

Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”

“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.” 

“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.” 

“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.

“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking. 

“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.” 

Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?” 

“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction. 

You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before. 

Wait.

Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession. 

But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.” 

Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.” 

The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright. 

It was you. He was talking about you. 

Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved. 

That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too. 

No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about. 

You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward. 

Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving? 

“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” 

Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.

But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth. 

You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder. 

Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?

“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.

Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision. 

You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists. 

“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself. 

The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.

Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs. 

Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint. 

After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder. 

But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go. 

“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.” 

A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.” 

She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?” 

“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.” 

Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?

You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead. 

If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.

Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.” 

As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”

“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”

“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”

“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”

Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!” 

You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”

Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests. 

Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”

“Oh, I’m just lucky.” 

“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space. 

The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him. 

When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away. 

“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.” 

You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds. 

“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.” 

Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames. 

It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.

You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display. 

What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything. 

“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.” 

Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.

“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.” 

Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame. 

Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.” 

Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break. 

If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back. 

Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.  

“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.” 

Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers. 

Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now? 

“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.” 

Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight. 

But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you. 

This was too hard. 

“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations. 

“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.

Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.” 

Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece. 

As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow. 

And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave. 

Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?” 

He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.” 

“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel. 

“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.

By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.

Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait. 

You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between. 

But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences. 

“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style. 

“Okay?” 

“We leave at 7 in the morning.” 

“And?” 

“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.” 

Silence. 

All you could respond with was silence. 

Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one. 

It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said. 

But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever? 

For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms. 

“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall. 

Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free. 

When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.

You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.

Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.

“Jinnie.” 

You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips. 

“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.” 

His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on. 

“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away. 

His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.” 

A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.

“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--” 

Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.” 

“I know. I know that now,” you whispered. 

Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down. 

You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure. 

You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.” 

It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed. 

Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.” 

Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”  

“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.” 

“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand. 

A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands. 

He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter. 

Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.

When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.

He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.” 

“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.” 

Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.” 

You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that. 

Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch. 

Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing. 

A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan. 

Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.  

Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look. 

Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?” 

You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.” 

Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”

“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire. 

“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs. 

You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short. 

You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.

Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things. 

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart. 

“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.

“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.” 

You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his. 

It just made you fall for him even more. 

Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan. 

Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth. 

“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans. 

You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.” 

“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off. 

But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.

“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.” 

You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest. 

Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth. 

Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.

The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts. 

You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?” 

Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.

“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself. 

The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function. 

It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you. 

“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat. 

“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.” 

Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.” 

Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.” 

“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.” 

“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes. 

With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed. 

Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.” 

You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time. 

Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop. 

You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you. 

As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke. 

Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance. 

“Are you still…” 

“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.” 

“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?” 

“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”

Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.” 

At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in. 

And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever. 

“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.” 

You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.” 

“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?” 

Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.” 

“You still have your word?” 

“Carousel, yes.” 

“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that. 

Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts. 

“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself. 

His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years. 

You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.  

After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.” 

“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all. 

Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake. 

“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.” 

“Just for you,” you affirmed. 

“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.” 

Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank. 

Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?” 

“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.” 

“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?” 

The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue. 

“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.” 

With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension. 

“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”

You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.

“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind. 

You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”

Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?” 

You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.” 

“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds. 

One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven. 

You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria. 

Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace. 

The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”

“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do. 

You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.

“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips. 

You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle. 

“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you. 

You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal. 

The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again. 

Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close. 

Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.

“Lie down, baby. I’m close.” 

“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.” 

“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again. 

When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever. 

Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow. 

But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more. 

Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”

“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?” 

You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left. 

The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter. 

Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?” 

“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?” 

“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.” 

You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw. 

“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow. 

“Nope. I wanna take one of us.” 

After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers. 

You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. 

“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered. 

And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.

Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))

Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS

Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin. 

Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME

Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!

Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(: 

Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!

Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are

Kook [6:50am]: <3 

You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”

“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?” 

You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid.  Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could. 

Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.

Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!

Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ

Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know. 

Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too

How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them. 

The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time. 

Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire. 

There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place. 

But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be. 

When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe. 

But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again. 

Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!” 

You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection. 

But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble. 

When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile. 

“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?” 

Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.” 

A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?” 

“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.” 

“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind. 

As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out. 

You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over. 

And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.

It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone. 

Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image

You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.

Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous! 

You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.

On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her. 

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a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here!   ++ ⇥ masterlist 

#seokjin x reader #seokjin smut #seokjin x you #bts imagines #bts fanfic #seokjin angst #bts smut #bts angst #ryenwrites #member:seokjin #lastnovember #last november #ryen writes #seokjinsmut #hope you guys enjoy this one! #i know i said the 15th #but i was pretty excited #and finished the editing today! #ficswithluv #UPDATED MARCH 27TH 2021!!!

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 9) - Inner Demons

Summary: The reader meets Gen for the first time while the boys are having a day together. But when they come home early and Jensen overhears the reader, a very big discussion about what they both expect out of their relationship has to happen...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Square: Skinny Dipping

Word Count: 5,100ish

Warnings: mature (language, skinny dipping, implied future smut, angst, self-doubt)

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnkinkbingo​

________

“No,” whined Zeppelin as Jensen carried him out of the bedroom for the third time that night. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you.”

“Zeppelin. You gotta be a big boy and go to sleep. It’s midnight and way, way past bedtime,” said Jensen. He started to cry loudly and Jensen set him down. “Do you want a time out? I’ll give you one first thing in the morning if you don’t behave.”

He ran over to you and grabbed your leg, burying his face in it. Jensen sighed, tired after a long day and you knew he needed some sleep. You squatted down and Zeppelin grabbed at you, shaking a bit. You frowned, Jensen catching it as you picked up the little boy. 

“He can stay,” you said. Jensen made a face but you carried him into the room, Jensen grumbling to himself. You let Zeppelin crawl into the middle and immediately grab his father when Jensen got under the covers. He was asleep quickly, Jensen kissing the top of his head. “He’s scared.”

“He had a tantrum. He’s four,” whispered Jensen. “He needs to sleep on his own or he gets dependent.”

“You’re his father. He’s already dependent,” you whispered. “He’s a little you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means he missed his daddy and he has been the one telling his sisters for three weeks daddy’s coming home soon. I don’t care if he sleeps in our bed, Jensen. Sometimes he has to be a big boy but not tonight.”

“He was very...he’s very much me,” he said quietly, fixing the blankets over his son. “He’s in tune with other’s emotions.”

“I know,” you said. “He’s a sweet boy.”

“When I was a kid, around seven or so, my dad went out to LA for about two months for work. We didn’t have the money for him to fly back and forth so he drove out there. He would call every night but it was long distance and it was expensive back then so all I got to do was say hi to him really. Somewhere in the middle of the two months he drove back to visit for a weekend. I was so excited. So, so excited. I was gonna tell him all about school and my baseball games and the jumping contest my brother and I had on the swings. I was so pumped. He said he was gonna be there Saturday morning for breakfast. Well, I wake up, run downstairs, he’s not there. Lunch rolls around, he’s not there. Afternoon snack time rolls around…”

“He’s not there?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “What happened?”

“Never left LA. Got in a car accident. He was fine but this was the eighties and my mom didn’t get a phone call until the afternoon saying he wouldn’t be coming home. I thought a hundred million things in my head of why he wasn’t there. That achy pit in your stomach. When he finally came home a month later, I slept in their room, in their bed. That little achy feeling went away after that night. I know how much he’s like me,” he said, lightly running his fingers over Zeppelin’s head. “But I gave him that part of me too and I wish I hadn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s too little to worry about me.”

“He’s okay and he’s not gonna worry after tonight. But Jensen, there’s nothing wrong with him having that part of you. It’s a really good part, the part that loves the people he cares about. Right now he doesn’t understand it but someday he will and that’s going to make him a person people will be fortunate to have in their lives. That’s a great part of you he got.”

“Just have to go and make me feel better, don’t you,” he said softly. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Think I’m doing an okay job at this?”

“Yup,” you said. Zeppelin turned over in his sleep, smashing his face into your arm. 

“You care for them,” said Jensen. You nodded and he burrowed down into the sheets. “Because of me or your job?”

“It always helps the job,” you said. “When you nanny, you want the kids to feel comfortable with you and caring about them always makes that easier. But I don’t...I don’t like them because I decided I liked their dad, you know?”

“Why did you then?”

“People with money sometimes let their children get raised by that money and you can tell when it happens. But it’s so obvious that doesn’t happen with them. They have nice toys and clothes and things but they’re good and funny and smart and they could very easily be brats if you went the easy route but you didn’t and it just shows. Sure they’re kids and they can drive anyone to the brink of insanity at times, but they got big hearts, especially for dad. I just like them and seeing them grow into those people more every day.”

“Me too,” he said, Zeppelin rolling back, fisting his hands into Jensen’s shirt this time. He smiled and you leaned over, kissing him goodnight, pecking one on Zeppelin’s head. “Night.”

“Night Jensen.”

The next afternoon when you arrived at Jared’s house you weren’t sure what you were expecting. Jared and Jensen were off doing who knew what and you felt like you’d been set up on a playdate yourself. You’d dropped off the kids there more than once already and knew their kids but for some reason or other you’d yet to meet Gen. You swallowed as you followed the kids around the side of the house, the three of them taking off to go play with their friends on a swing set. You looked around and bit your bottom lip, fixing your bag over your shoulder.

“Y/N?” called a voice. You turned and saw a woman behind you, a bit sweaty in some workout clothes. “Hey. I’m Gen. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Thanks. You too,” you said. 

“Come on,” she said, waving you to follow her up some steps to a patio. “Tom! JJ!”

“We know!” they shouted back from the swings. She shook her head and sighed.

“Not that any of the little ones can get over to the pool anyways but I want to remind them to keep an eye on the younger ones when I’m inside,” she said, showing you to a patio door. You followed her inside, Gen walking into a kitchen and going straight to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of cold water. 

“They have hair like their dad,” you said.

“Yes, yes they do. Getting them to get a haircut is like herding cats,” she said. She gulped down her water and let out a deep breath. “Do you mind if I shower quick? Time got away from me.”

“Yeah, no problem,” you said. 

“There’s a bathroom right around the corner there. Feel free to take whatever from the kitchen if you want. I’ll be back in ten,” she said. 

“No problem,” you said. When she was upstairs you went back outside, leaving your bag in a patio chair. You went down the steps and watched the kids running around for a moment before exploring their backyard. “Here I thought your backyard was nice Ackles.”

“Y/N, will you play tag with us?” asked Arrow from over in the grass.

“How could I say no to a face like that?”

Fifteen minutes later you were warm and taking a break under the patio again out of the sun, the kids playing on the slide and swings now.

“Remember when we had endless energy like that?” asked Gen as the back door opened. 

“Barely,” you said, a margarita glass set down in front of you. “I see we’re going to be very good friends.”

“It’s so hot out today,” she said, setting a pitcher and another glass down on the table. She poured you a glass and then herself one before taking a seat beside you. “I bet the boys are out jet skiing.”

“They really are like a pair of children when you get them together,” you said.

“Yeah but it’s cute. Most people don’t ever get to have a best friend like that,” she said. “Sometimes they need their space from each other but Jared’s literally been counting down the days until Jensen gets back.”

“I don’t think Jensen will ever stay away that long again. He missed his family and friends. Home,” you said. 

“We’re glad to have him back. He’s been gone for a while. Even before you went to Canada,” she said.

“Were you good friends with...” you asked, Gen nodding. “I’m sorry.”

“It sucked. Still does,” she said. “When the boys were off, we could hang out. We got very close. After the accident I was the one taking care of the kids, helping his parents and family with their day to day. Jared focused more on Jensen, helping him physically get back to normal and then mentally. But you know how he was when you met him.”

“I know a lot of work went into helping him get there. I’m very grateful he had you guys,” you said.

“Listen...I’m hoping we can be good friends too. It was different for me and Dee. We both were dating the boys around the same time, got married around the same time. I know we don’t have that and...I just hope we can have that relationship still.”

“Me too. I know we’re probably gonna be seeing you guys a lot now that neither of them are working,” you said.

“Probably most everyday,” she said. “They’re like twins separated at birth or something I swear.”

“Has Jensen always been a bit quiet?” you asked.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen that boy drunk off his ass and being a troublemaker but he’s always been that way. Maybe it’s why he and Jared fit. They’re protective of each other in different ways. Jared’s the loud one out of the two of them, always has been and Jensen, even if he is your best fucking friend, sometimes he’s a little bit quiet.”

“I figured as much. He’s just…”

“Gentle,” she said, a smile coming to your face. “You two are pretty serious, huh.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s been five months. I’d say it’s serious. You move in yet?”

“Technically I’ve always been moved in,” you said. She laughed and took a sip of her drink. “Yeah. We’ve gotten to the sharing a room stage very recently.”

“You must be very special then,” she said. “He was never gonna fall in love ever again. Told Jared and me himself. Now he’s as lovestruck as the first time around.”

“I’m not expecting…” you said, sipping on your drink. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Like I said, we can be friends without the boys,” she said. “What aren’t you expecting?”

“This,” you said with a shrug. “Marriage. Kids of my own. I don’t know where it goes with Jensen.”

“You should start having those talks with him,” she said, your head shaking. “You have to, just so you’re on the same page.”

“I don’t even know if we’re reading the same book,” you said. She nodded and you slumped back into your seat. “I know I love him and that he loves me. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

“A friend once told me that’s all you need,” said Jensen behind you. You turned around and Jensen was standing there, a sad smile on his face. “We wanted to come hang out with you guys. Y/N?”

You got a smile from Gen as you followed Jensen inside, Jared slipping past and out back. You crossed your arms and looked down, Jensen stepping close to you, large hands resting on your arms.

“Why don’t you think it’s enough?” he asked quietly.

“It is. Gen and I were just shooting the shit,” you said, forcing your gaze up. He slid his hand down and took one of yours, pulling you over to a quiet sitting room. He sat down on a day bed, you going with him. 

“Honey. Tell me the truth.” He ran his thumb over the back of your hand as you crossed your legs. “Did I do something?”

“No. You’re perfect,” you said, glancing down to your lap. “All I was saying was...I don’t know where you stand on some things.”

“Like what?” he asked, still smiling softly, hiding all of the nerves underneath it.

“Kids. Marriage. The fact your family has never once met me or knows I exist. Am I just gonna be the nanny girlfriend or is there something more? I love you. I fucking love and I don’t need or want...I just want to know if you’re open to those things.”

“I don’t know,” he said. You nodded and moved your hand back into your lap, Jensen letting go of it. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head. “Like I said, we were shooting the shit.”

You were both quiet before you stood, Jensen grabbing your hand. He pulled you back to sit, plopping you straight down in his lap before kissing you.

“Okay I do know but the answers fucking scare me,” he said. “I said I was gonna stop being scared when it came to you.”

“Jensen, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, I would have more kids if it were with the right person. Preferably sooner than later but yes. Yes, I would marry again. Yes, I would introduce her to my family and yes they do know about her. Not as much as I’d like but they do know her. And lastly yes, I am open to more than just the nanny girlfriend, so much fucking more. All of it more. But that scares me that almost a year later here I am, open to all of those things, wanting those things with you when losing Dee hurt so much. It’s not fair to you that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, simple and normal and just the fun parts. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to stop loving her. God if you ever did, I don’t think you’d be the man I love. I just wanted to know if there’s room for a future in there maybe,” you said.

“You kinda got in there all on your own and I don’t want you to ever come out,” he said. 

“Ever?” you breathed out. “Cause that implies-”

“If someone’s gonna be that second person for me, I think…” he said, looking down. You rested your forehead against his, Jensen taking a deep breath. “I know you won’t wait for me forever to get my shit together.”

“Well, forever’s a long time. I can offer a few years at least?” you asked, Jensen laughing dryly. “What?”

“I don’t deserve a few years. Your emotions aren’t a toy to play with.”

“Yours aren’t something to drag along when they’re not ready.”

“See? You do that shit. You always do that fucking shit,” he said, his voice a few octaves higher. You wrapped him up in a hug, feeling a few drops of wetness hit your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“For crying? Jesus Jens, it’s okay,” you said. “I promise it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I keep tossing you around like you don’t have feelings too, like this isn’t hard for you too. It’s always me and my fucking problems with just…”

“Just what honey,” you said, Jensen holding onto you tightly, chin resting on your shoulder. 

“I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?” you said, carding your fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want this to go away,” he mumbled out. “This is it and I feel like I’m gonna explode and-”

“Shush,” you said, wrapping your legs around his waist and squeezing his whole body as much as you could. He stilled briefly and calmed down some, sniffling to himself before you released to a gentler hold on him. “Just the anxiety talking.”

“I love you,” he said, lifting his head up, looking you straight on. “I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and do everything with you. I’ve known those things for a very long time. Longer than you have and before you even thought of them as questions. I want all that and you’re gonna get stuck with me, with this, with the never ending baggage, with the baggage you haven’t even seen yet. All your life is gonna be is taking care of my ass and you getting hurt because of it. Is that what you want? Is it? Because I want so much fucking more for you than me.”

“Was that your proposal speech?” you asked calmly. He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes.

“What? Y/N I-”

“Well you said you want to marry me and yeah, I fucking want to do that with you too so was that your speech?”

“What?” he asked so innocently you smiled. “I don’t…”

“I happen to like taking care of your ass. So. You want me gone, I’m gone. You want me to stay, I’m staying forever. What’s it gonna be?” you asked.

“Stay,” he said quietly with a nod. “Please don’t go away from us.”

“Okay,” you said. He leaned forward and kissed you, sniffling some more when he broke off. “Are you…”

“I can’t believe I just asked that while I’m covered in tears and snot,” he said. A box of tissues suddenly flung itself through the doorway, landing near your feet. You stared down at it and started to laugh, Jensen chuckling while you picked it up. “I’m never living that down.”

“Who gives a fuck,” you said. You took out a tissue and wiped off his face and eyes, having him blow his nose a few times. “That’s really gross.”

“I know.”

“Must be how you know it’s meant to be,” you said, wiping your hand off. 

“Stay forever?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Yeah that sounds good.”

“Me too,” he said. He pulled you into a hug and you held him tight, the door sneakily shutting on the two of you when it started to pour outside and you heard the backdoor. “I bet that’s how you imagined that going.”

“I never thought it would happen,” you said. “Not when I first came here. Love’s for other people. Normal people with normal families.”

“Fuck normal,” he said and you laughed. You picked up a clean tissue and licked it, wiping off a dried tear streak on his cheek. “I feel good.”

“We’re gonna work on that bottling shit up stuff, okay?” you said.

“Maybe you’ll have more success than Dee did,” he chuckled. 

“I’ll just have to build off what she started,” you said. He nodded and cupped your cheek as you finished cleaning him off. “There, all better.”

“Guess you’re out of a nanny job,” he said.

“Oh such a shame,” you said. “I’ve been putting my paychecks for the last while to a separate account.”

“I did notice that,” he said. “Saving for something?”

“Wanted to give it back to you.”

“Honeymoon fund instead?”

“Okay, now we’re talking,” you said with a laugh.

“You never did tell me how much your book deal got you.”

“I signed a multi-year deal. They think there’s great potential for it to be one of those series every kid reads. One million for around twenty books?”

“Fuck. You should be my agent if you can negotiate like that,” he said.

“I’m still gonna take care of them like I have been,” you said. 

“I know. It’s probably going to be a million times harder now actually,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “You love them.”

“Yes but I don’t know how to be a parent.”

“Just do what you’ve been doing and it’ll be fine,” he said. “It’ll change but it’ll be good.”

“Not really how I was expecting today to go,” you said. 

“Me either. I had hoped for that to be a tad more romantic,” he said. You gave him a kiss and hug, Jensen returning it. “You don’t care.”

“Nah,” you said. “Just care about you. Everything else, I’m good.”

“Want to go share the news with our eavesdropper?” he asked. You helped him up to his feet and took his hand, walking out of the room, Jared and Gen suspiciously wiping down their kitchen counter. “Or should I say eavesdroppers.”

“We were concerned and I swear we left after Jared tossed the tissues in,” said Gen. Jared shook his head and pointed at her. “I swear he did it.”

“Guess you guys heard then,” said Jensen, giving you a smile. “We’re gonna give it a shot.”

“You okay?” asked Jared. Jensen nodded and squeezed your hand. “You sure?”

“I know what I want,” said Jensen. “I’ve known for a long time. Finally got over being scared is all.”

“She wasn’t gonna hurt you,” said Jared with a smile.

“I know. It was a different fear,” he said. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said. “Promise.”

“You better not, sweetheart.”

It was dark by the time the storms had passed, all three kids going down easy after spending most of the day running around the Padalecki house. You sat on the balcony off of Jensen’s bedroom in the oversized lounge chair, Jensen sat on the other side of the small side table your drink rested on.

“I’ve never been on a boat before,” you said, staring up at the dark night sky, the only light coming from a few string ones Jensen had turned on.

“Never?” asked Jensen. “Better wear your life jacket tomorrow then.”

“You better wear your life jacket,” you said. “We both know I’m a better swimmer than you.”

“You’re a better swimmer than me? Me?” he chuckled. “No way.”

“Put your money where your mouth is. Five bucks says I’m a better swimmer,” you said. He waved the way towards the door and you stood up, walking downstairs and outside.

“Uh, you missing something?” he chuckled. You smirked and pulled off your shirt and undid your jeans, shimming out of them and leaving them by the patio. “You really think…” 

“I really think what?” you said, tossing your bra at him, leaving your underwear behind. You jumped in and swam out to the deep end. “You’re already losing Jensen.”

“Losing my ass,” he said, taking off his shirt and jeans, nearly tripping as he hopped out of his boxer briefs. He jumped in nearby and swam over to you, dunking his head under briefly. “I could get used to this look.”

“Nothing you’ve not seen before.”

“Never seen my fiance naked before,” he grinned. You rolled your eyes but swam over and gave him a kiss. “I knew you had a thing for dorks you know.”

“Did you now?”

“Told me yourself. Not a fan of cocky guys I recall.”

“Well...a little cock is okay. Highly recommended in fact,” you said. 

“You are such a loser,” he laughed.

“I must have learned it from you.” You giggled and swam back to the shallow end, Jensen lazily chasing after. “I’ve never skinny dipped until just now actually.”

“Got anything on your bucket list you want to try out?” he asked. You shrugged and took a seat on a step, Jensen settling in next to you. “Naked trounce on the trampoline?”

“Maybe another time,” you said. You leaned back and looked up at the dark sky once more. He reached over and held your hand in the water, playing with it quietly. “Skydiving would be cool. Space would be cool.”

“One of those is a lot more feasible than the other. I noticed up in Canada where we had more stars at night you really like looking at them.”

“Did it a lot as a kid. Kinda always have,” you said. “I like space as much as the next gal but it’s just pretty, you know? You’re one little speck out in all of those stars. It’s all so freaking complex but you can kinda look up at them and it’s just so simple too.”

“Yeah,” he said, toying with a strand of hair floating in the water. “I get that.”

You turned and found him staring at you, a smile on his lips. 

“We could go camping sometime, see all the stars there are up there if you’d like,” he said.

“We don’t have to do that,” you said. 

“Why?” he asked quietly. “I’m curious is all. It seems like something you’d really enjoy seeing.”

“What purpose does it serve though? It’s not something fun for the kids to experience,” you said. “It’s a waste of money.”

“It doesn’t have to have a purpose. It’s for you, for us. A night away where you get to see something most people don’t ever get a chance. That’s the only purpose,” he said. “Camping’s about the cheapest thing you can do. Don’t worry about the money. You don’t have to worry about that ever again.”

“I just don’t want to go camping,” you said. You looked down and swallowed. “I used to go camping with my dad a lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do that to me,” you said. “I just...I don’t think I ever want to go again.”

“Okay. Would you go camping with me sometime?” he asked. 

“Jensen-”

“Just me. No body else. I won’t even touch you except to cuddle,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “Thank you. It won’t be scary this time. I promise.”

“Is your dad nice?” you asked. He leaned back against his elbows and nodded. “Does he know about me?”

“My parents know I have a girlfriend. My mom knows I was getting pretty serious about you,” he said. 

“Do they know I was the nanny? Or how old I am?”

“No. My siblings do but not my parents,” he said. You sat up and wrapped your arms around yourself in the warm night air. “I’m not embarrassed of you Y/N. I think that’s a conversation better had in person is all.”

“You haven’t told them because you think they’ll have a problem with it,” you said. 

“Not as much problem as when I say I’m not having a prenup,” he said. You turned your head and saw him smiling back. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t trust you completely.”

“Jensen I don’t want to cause a problem,” you said. He shook his head and you sighed. “I know how close you are with them and you haven’t gotten to see them since Christmas. I know exactly what they’re gonna think of me when they hear about the former nanny.”

���You don’t seem to understand yet that you? Nobody is more important than you and those three in there. If they can’t accept you then screw ‘em.”

“Jensen.”

“I’m not worried and you know why? I love you and you love me. I know they love me a whole lot too so you’re on the same side.”

“You’re a bad liar,” you said. He sat up and sighed. “Jens-”

“I don’t know how they’ll act. But you deserve a chance and that’s what I expect out of them. I want them to love you too but at a minimum you’ll have their respect.”

You nodded and sunk down in the warm water, Jensen sliding over and taking a seat on your lap, tossing his arms around your shoulders. 

“You still talk to Dee’s parents right?” you asked. He nodded and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist. “Do they…”

“No,” he said quietly. “They deserve for that to be an in person conversation too. They’re coming up soon for JJ’s birthday soon. I figured I’d tell them then.”

“I’m glad you still talk to them,” you said. “They still see you guys.”

“Christmas was hard last year. I’m not sure which one of us got it worse,” he said. 

“I’d like to meet them if that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m not sure how they’ll react honestly.”

“I’d still like to,” you said, stepping out into the water with him, Jensen hanging off of you. “If only you were this light normally I’d carry you around all day.”

“Didn’t we agree a long time ago you were the badass princess after all,” he said, bumping his nose against yours. 

“Here I thought you’d be taller,” you teased, quickly kissing him.

“Little shit,” he grinned. He nuzzled your cheek and you let out a deep breath. “Don’t worry about them.”

“At least we don’t have to go through this on my side,” you said.

“Can I ask one thing of you?”

“What?”

“Ray, your mom’s boyfriend, did things end badly between the two of you or you just drift apart? You said you left when you finished high school.”

“I stopped talking to him awhile ago. I moved out at 18 when I got my first nanny job. He was dating his wife Sarah by then. I’d come over for dinner every few months for a few years. By the time I was twenty one they were married with two kids. I didn’t go one time and kept putting it off and Ray told me it was okay if I didn’t want to see him anymore. I could call him if I ever needed him, that sort of thing. I haven’t spoken to him in nine years. But that’s not asking something of me, is it.”

“Can we consider inviting him to the wedding?”

“Been engaged eight hours and already planning?” you asked. 

“I don’t know him but he had a part in raising you. Just consider it is all I ask. And wedding? Those things take fucking forever to plan, trust me.”

“I’ll think about it,” you said, spinning him around in the water. “Are they really that complicated to put together?”

“Nah. Don’t go bridezilla on me is all,” he said. 

“Total diva over here,” you said, feeling the edge of the shallow end start to drop off with your foot. You spun around one more time before you had to set him down, Jensen taking the chance to pick you up and toss you out of of the water. “Jensen! I’m naked!”

“I know. It’s awesome,” he said, swimming out and kissing your cheek. “Wanna race?”

“Winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser when we head upstairs?” you grinned.

“Oh, you’re so on.”

______

A/N: Read Part 10 here!

#spnkinkbingo #supernatural #spn #jensen x reader #jensen ackles #jensen ackles au #rpf #jensen series #rpf series #jensen ackles x reader #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

[whaleofatjme1920]

Ok so Ik this has already been done with ej, but I’m a toby simp, and I wanted to ask. Reader finding out toby is cheating on them? Maximum of 1k words, a scenario idk, smth. Ty!

-👾

It's Dangerous, To Love the Sun

[Ticci Toby X F!Reader]

[Warnings: angst in general, physical and emotional cheating, violence, language]

[AN: I listened to Brooksie - Not Into You slowed + reverbed while writing this, I hope you enjoyed! Also went a lil over,,, the word count because I kinda liked this,,,,,,,,,,,]

You love Toby. Ever since he came into your life, you’ve been happier with him at your side. He makes you smile, he makes your heart sing. You’ve never felt so complete.

The way he looks at you is akin to gazing at a masterpiece. His eyes are so full of love when he gazes at you from across the room, wondering when you’ll finally break away from your conversation with Jeff to be at his side again.

His touch is gentle, never harsh. Toby’s fingers trace up and down your forearms and back, ghosts, whisper-like kisses of physical affection in an attempt to show you what he verbally cannot express. He’s always so warm, so loving, so whole.

He completes you, is what you’re trying to get at.

The two of you like to sit on rooftops late at night because neither Masky nor Hoodie can stand the two of you giggling at odd hours of the day in their presence. Kate’s not around long enough to actually care. When it’s just the two of you sitting up here, quiet, against each other and breathing in the sweet night air, you feel more complete than you’ve ever felt before.

You hum out, watching the stars twinkle in the sky, a dreamy expression on your face as Toby momentarily stops playing with your hair.

“What’s o-o-on your mind, b-baby?” He asks, a brow raised. Toby shifts on the shingles, his arms wrapping around you like an octopus, bringing you closer and closer into his warmth.

You find yourself blanketed in him and relax. “You’re so good to me, y’know that?” You say.

Toby scoffs and rolls his eyes. “O-Other way around,” he corrects.

You tilt your head and shake it slightly, telling him he’s wrong. “You’ve always been so good to me,” you continue, brushing off his attempts to play down your saccharine words.

He knows you’re not fibbing, but at the same time, he refuses to admit to your claims. “I d-d-did what w-was expected o-of me, you know t-that,” he states plainly.

You take in another deep breath before resting your head on his shoulder, melting into him. You pick up his scent: oak and burning winter, before retorting against him again in a voice a hair above a whisper. “You’re wrong.”

Toby laughs, his lips pressing to the side of your head. “If y-y-you say so,” he murmurs, pressing more kisses to your head and eventually your face. He revels in the sound of your laughter as he does so, leaving no inch of you unkissed.

“I know so.”

The two of you fall back into a pleasant silence.

You’ve always viewed Toby like he has power over the sun, because, as far as being a proxy goes? He does. When you were first plucked from your life and called for something ‘greater’, it was Toby who had taken pity on you, trained you, taught you all you needed to know and the ins and outs of this life. He was the one who shielded you from Masky, Hoodie and even Kate at times.

It was by his hand that you survived, and it is still by his hand that you thrive.

It was such a blinding adoration for a man you believed held dominion over the sun that kept you veiled from the truth of what he had been doing behind closed doors, yet could be seen through the windows.

Naturally, you didn’t want to believe it. Who would? The person you love’s heart has fled the place it used to live with you and taken up residence with someone else. That’s not an easy thing to admit, not when you realize that love truly is not all it takes.

Toby doesn’t want to admit it either. It started out as some strange infatuation, a fleeting crush - someone he would forget.

But her eyes? Her darling eyes? One of them the most beautiful shade of peridot he’d ever seen and the other a literal clock? They say the eyes (in her case, eye) are the window to the soul, and she had absolutely snared his. She was beautiful in a way Toby couldn’t describe, beautiful in a way that had him seeing a sky full of stars in the middle of the day, and beautiful in the sense she was timeless.

Toby knows he should be ashamed, that she’s his little secret, that what he has with Natalie can’t be compared with you, but he knows he can’t let you find out lest you go too far you can’t come back.

That blinding sun made you shrug off the bruises that were too keenly placed to be a victim’s sorry attempt at freeing themself. You shrugged off the scent of roses and wine. You shrugged off how his eyes saw past you, no longer at you. You shrugged it all off, choosing to stay blinded than face the truth.

And you would’ve happily lived in that ignorance if Toby didn’t grow cocky and arrogant and so fucking careless.

You’ve never really felt your world crash and burn until today. You've never been burned by the sun until this moment.

You’re looking into the eyes of a man you think owns the sun and see nothing but fear, regret, and pleading. Pleading for what? That you won’t leave him? That you’ll stay with him? You feel tears well in your eyes as you see him laying in your bed with her. The woman who had been naught but a shadow until now.

“R-Reader,” Toby begins, quickly wrestling up in the sheets, watching as your soul leaves your body in the doorway. “B-Baby, it’s n-no-”

You’re at a loss for words, and frankly, you don’t think he even deserves the right to your thoughts at this moment. Instead, you hold your hand up, silencing him, and turn to leave the temp house. You were out doing work for your fucking boss and get rewarded like this? The man you loved in bed with another woman, looking at her like she owned the moon. You take in a sharp breath and then begin to beeline to the front door when Toby finally gets out of the bed, ignoring the cries of confusion pouring from Natalie’s mouth.

Your heart races when you realize Toby is gaining on you. Your vision blurs through your tears.

He’s calling out for you, his stutter even stronger than before, bones popping louder and louder as he gets hit with the weight of what he’s done to you. “Stop! S-Stop fucking m-m-moving!” He hisses, his calloused hand reaching out for your wrist, successfully grabbing you.

You snarl like a caged, wounded animal, flesh burning at the contact. “Don’t fucking touch me,” you sneer as you attempt to rip your wrist from his iron grasp. In your other hand, you already have the car keys ready. You just want to be anywhere but here.

“I-I’m so s-s-sorry,” Toby says, attempting to pull you into a hug.

You struggle against him harder, hissing to be let go. The keys in your free hand are getting threaded in your fingertips. Your tears feel warm and boil your cheeks as they roll down like waterfalls. The harder he grips you, the more you feel you’ve been burned to a point of no return. “God fucking damn it, let me go!” You shout, not even noticing how Natalie has come out of the room to get Toby off of you. She’s quickly gaining in the hallway, confused on if she should step in or not.

Toby tries harder and harder to pull you into his embrace, and that’s when you strike.

You take your car key filled fingers and punch as hard as you can, the teeth of the keys dragging across Toby’s cheek, successfully shocking him into letting you go. You don’t even consider how badly you’ve hurt him and take the opportunity of his shock to flee the temp house, quickly hopping into the car.

“Reader!” Toby shouts, hand on his right cheek, not even caring about the claw marks you’ve left. “B-Baby, let’s t-talk about t-this-”

You start honking the horn to drown his voice out. Your eyebrows are furrowed, a scowl on your face, glare holding nothing but bullets towards Toby and Natalie as she attempts to wrangle him back into the house.

You watch as her arms wrap around his waist - she’s surprisingly gentle for dealing with such a belligerent man - before peeling out of the driveway, hand still honking the horn and practically waking up the neighborhood while you’re at it.

Your mind overloads as you drive, thoughts of the sun getting eclipsed by the other celestial body that overtakes it in full, swallowing it whole. You mutter angrily to yourself, turning on the radio for just noise as you finally get onto the expressway. And you drive. You drive until your head feels clear again, and when it does, you’re finally able to focus on something other than what’s in front of you on the endless stretch of road.

Autumn is making its way in, that much is apparent. Every now and then, specks of orange and red zip past your high beams. It’s cooler, and you swear you’ve passed a few flowering pumpkin patches.

You look to your left, gazing out the window for a moment or so.

The moon is decidedly absent this night.

You sigh as the fires extinguish in your heart, loneliness, sadness and any other emotion draining alongside it leaving a pit in your chest.

The emptiness quickly takes its place, haunting you like the ghost it is.

#ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby headcanon #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #x reader #reader insert #ticci toby x y/n #clockwork #natalie ouellette #angst

[gumisgirl]

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x F! Reader

Warnings: smut, somnophilia

Whereby Gojo knows just how to wake you up

It's a sunny Saturday afternoon, and your white haired boyfriend comes home early for once, excited to see you. He's almost giddy with excitement from having some free time to himself, which he plans on spending with you.

When he slips into your dorm room he stops himself from calling out y/n when he sees your curled form slumped on the sofa. You look ethereal even in slumber, in a just a tank top and shorts, hand still clutching your phone against your chest.

Seeing you so peaceful, so comfortable after months of coaxing you out of your shell, is enough to make his chest tighten.

You were so apprehensive and unamused by Gojo's advances towards you ever since you joined Jujutsu Tech, his fuckboy tendencies evident from miles away.

You eventually became good friends, bickering and mirroring his playful nature, but you seemed otherwise immune to any of his charm.

And to the strongest, cockiest Jujutsu sorcerer around, he just couldn't understand why. Girls were throwing themselves at him left and right, but you only saw him as your sensei and now friend.

Only when Satoru finally stopped trying so hard n actually got to know your tough but shy self, did you open up to him. And he's basked in the warmth and joy ever since.

But seeing you like this, fuck, it ruined him.

He walked over to you slowly, careful not to wake you, as he took you in. The early afternoon sunlight filtered in through the  windows, making you look so heavenly and fragile at the same time.

"Fuck", Gojo gasps as he notices your nipples hard and poking through the light material of your top. He can feel his pants getting tighter as he thinks of all the abominable things he wants to do to you.

He can't help himself, so pulls down the front of your top, one breast popping out, and then the other.

You stir in your sleep from the sudden cold, but Gojo immediately cups both your boobs, drawing circles around your buds with his thumbs. He kneels before you to take one nipple in his mouth, licking it and swirling his tongue around it so sweetly.

Soon he's pulling your shorts off, pushing your panties to the side to find your hot core already wet. He slides a finger between your folds, your slick coating his fingers and the scent of your arousal hitting him, making him growl with desire.

He spreads your lips wide and makes one broad stroke all the up your pussy, his hot mouth on you finally stirring you from slumber.

"Mhmm?" you mumble something, trying to shake off your sleep, feeling exposed and wondering why.

"Hey sleepyhead", a white tuft of hair mumbles from between your legs, right before dipping his tongue all the way inside you, not giving you a chance to reply as you grab onto his hair to support yourself.

You can feel him smirk against you, humming low and making you feel the vibrations all through your core. You bite your lip to keep from screaming, pulling his hair back so he can look at you.

"What a way to be woken up." you muse, your smile drunken from just waking up and the state he has you in.

"It's not my fault you were looking so delectable, like you just wanted me to ruin you right here." He punctuates his statement by sucking your nub, making your hips buck against his mouth, but he let's go too soon with a pop! sound.

You fight the urge to cover your breasts and cunt, feeling so exposed, yet also exhilarated, heart racing at the way you were on display for him.

"Missed me much?" you tease, running your hands through his hair, enjoying the sight of the strongest jujutsu sorcerer between your thighs, his lips slick with your juices.

Gojo reaches up to grab your titties, pulling and pinching at your nipples, all your thoughts flying out the window. He sucks hickeys all along your inner thighs, loving to mark you as his territory. Not that you mind though.

He slid his tongue back inside you, hooking it upward to press on the bundle of nerves that make you come undone, squeezing his face together with your thighs but that doesn't stop his deft tongue from licking you over and over and over again, the pressure building in the pit of your stomach, as you practically ride his face now.

"Yes, fuck yees!" your panting as you fuck yourself with his face. Gojo squeezes your boobs together to hold the with one hand as he brings the other one circle your nub.

You start clenching around his tongue, making him moan into your cunt, pushing you over the edge, Satoru's tongue working you through your high.

You chuckle when you finally compose yourself, pulling Gojo up for a deep, wanting kiss, tasting yourself on his lips and groaning, as he puts his full weight on you, crushing you and feeling his hard length flush against lips.

"Well hello there", you smirk up at him, staring into the endless pool of his eyes.

"Hello Princess", he shoots right back at you. "I missed you", he says, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent and relaxing.

It's amusing how much of a baby this renowned bad boy could be when it's just the two of you. His jokes and innuendos are always present, and your sarcastic nature enjoys the constant back and forth.

But moments like this where he drops his walls and is so soft with you are so precious to you.

Your brought our of your trance when Gojo ruts against you, his length hitting your clit just right, a startled moan escaping you lips.

"What're you thinking about Angel?" He asks as his hand wraps around your neck, gripping the sides and applying pressure.

"You filling me up to the balls", you say in the most innocent voice, looking up at him through your lashes.

His grip around your neck tightens, making you gasp as he smashes your lips together, kissing you so passionately your head feels light.

He pulls away suddenly, pulling off his shirt and unbuckling his pants. You help him pull them off, his length springing out and hitting his stomach, already glistening with precum. The sight of his pretty, thick cock makes you salivate, wanting to taste him, already imagining how the slight upward curve will feel when he's fully sheathed inside of you.

He spreads you're legs apart for him, one leg on the back of the couch as he grabs his shaft and lines it up with your heat. He rubs the tip between your folds, spreading your slick and slapping it against your clit to make you jump.

"Gojo I need y-", your cut off by him fully bottoming out in you in one stroke. You both gasp at the tight fit, feeling yourself try to adjust to his girth inside you.

He stays still for a while, watching you squirm and fidget underneath him, frustration building inside you.

"Please", you beg, he immediately snaps his hips forward, thrusting in you hard and fast, pulling all the way out before sinking back in into your needy core.

You hold onto his biceps for dear life, nails digging into him as he leans forward to nibble on your earlobe and bite more lovebites on your neck.

You feel high on him, surrounded by him, bodies flush against each other, nipples rubbing against his chest with each thrust. One hand presses down on your stomach, the other kneading and spanking your ass making you tighten around him.

"You're such a good little brat", he spits at you, "Always so willing and ready to take my cock, practically begging for it."

You feel your pulse race, breathe hitching as he continues to edge you on.

"You like to tease me don't you? Sleeping on the couch with your tits half out, where anyone could walk in and see you."

He says this with a sharp roll of his hips, this angle ensuring he hits your sweet spot with every stroke, rendering your brain pudding.

"You jealous?" you barely manage to retort, his pace never slowing.

"You don't want anyone else to see me like this? Wet and spent and so inviting?" you push.

Gojo practically growls at the thought, imagining anyone else walking into your dorm room and finding you splayed out the way you were for him. He almost ripped the chair with how tight he was gripping it, fucking you even deeper into the cushions.

He grabs both your hands and holds them above your head with one hand, the other putting one leg over his shoulder. Leaning forward, he starts fucking you so agonizingly slow, your walls clinging to him, and your breasts bouncing every time he pulls out and slams back in.

"Why would I be jealous babygirl? Anyone that even looks at you wrong is as good as dead." He whispers in your ear, making you shiver.

"Now be a good girl and come for me." And that's all you needed, to spiral into oblivion, your pussy sucking and clinging to his length as he fucks you through your high. You can feel him throbbing inside you, veins so prominent against your walls. You squeeze him so hard you can feel as grunts inside you, painting your walls with his seed.

"You're mine!" He growls as he fills you with his warm cum, choking you so hard you cunt clenches tight around him, making him groan.

"You- yours- only yours," you pant as you climax together. He stays inside you, not moving as your walls flutter around him, watching how your torn apart you look underneath him.

Your face flushed, eyes hazy, lips plump and bruised from all the nibbling and sucking at each other. It's a sin to look as good as you do and you can feel him getting hard again inside you.

"Satoru-!" you gasp as he suddenly flips you, so that you're now on top of him sitted in his lap, his dick never leaving your cunt.

Your face heats up as you feel the juices dripping down your thighs, Gojo's face now planted firmly in between your breasts.

"You didn't really think I was done with you so easily, did you Angel?" He smirks, his piercing blue eyes gazing right into your soul.

"Someone might hear us, or walk in", you stutter.

"Are you expecting anyone?"

Of course you weren't.

"Would you even care if someone saw us? Would you want me to stop?" He asks, as he plays with your nipples, his dick so full inside you you can barely think straight.

He knows your answer, of course he does. You were such a slut for him, underneath that sweet façade, your libido matching his, which is a lot to say the least.

It makes you even more wet, imagining someone, like Megumi, walking in on you going absolutely crazy for Sensei's dick. You don't even stop riding him, watching as Fushiguro goes red at the sight of Gojo's dick slipping in and out of you, your tits bouncing with every thrust. Running out of the room flustered as you cum all over his length.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

He starts to fuck upwards into you, gripping your ass hard, slamming into you over and over as he leads you towards your nth orgasm within the last hour.

"You want everyone to know you're mine don't you? To see you come undone by my sweet loving?"

His filthy words making your core clench, squeeze him hard, more so because they were true.

"You're such a fucking whore, let them know then, let them hear how good I make you feel." And you couldn't help it anymore, moaning and panting as he increased his pace with every thrust.

He latched onto your titties, squeezing them together and sucking hard on both nipples at the same time. You grabbed his fair locks n met his thrusts, your movements becoming erratic as you got closer to your end.

"Toru! Toru! Pl- pleease-!" Gojo held you in place and pounded you hard, the squelching and slapping of his balls against your ass sounding so vulgar and erotic as you clawed at his back and held on for dear life.

His teeth grazed your nipples and that was all you needed to see stars, the overstimulation too much to bare as you squirted all over his abdomen, milking him as he hit the back of your cervix with every stroke.

"Fuck, Angel, you look so hot when you're cumming all over my dick", he grunts, and he's right there with you, emptying his load so deep inside you you're dizzy with euphoria.

"So, you want a milkshake?"

The lustful glint in his eye replaced with such tenderness and affection as he peppered your face with kisses. You couldn't think of a better way to spend your weekend.

"Only if you carry me."

#gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo x reader #gojo sensei #gojo senpai #jjk gojo #smut #fluff #fanfic #jujutsu sorcerer #strongest jujutsu sorcerer #original work #sphynx #gojo smut #megumi #fushiguro megumi #gojo satoru x reader #jjk smut #jjk megumi #milkshake

[chocominnie]

One Last Time — 05

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Previous : 00 01 02

⇢ Word Count : 3k

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

The scent of vanilla with a hint of cinnamon is what wakes you up from your sleep. Hair and body tangled in-between the blankets, which lets you know you you had tossed and turned once again. The frizzball on your head is definitely going to be a challenge to work with. Stretching your limbs, you let out a small yawn only for your hands to drop back down and feel nothing but cold emptiness.

Was it a dream? Dream? You didn’t even have one of your night terrors for the first time in a year. The dream to you seemed rather pleasent. Jimin tangled up in your arms as he holds you tight while you breathe into his bare chest. The warmness is something you had longed for once again and it all felt surreal.

‘‘ You awake yet?’‘

The voice startles you, making you drop your phone onto the comforter and turn your head towards the bedroom door where it came from. His blonde hair and small smile peep through the door, hoping to atleast get a better reaction out of you. 

So it is real.

“ You’re really here? Did I bump my head too hard to where im imagining things?” You pull the covers close to you for security. Just as in your dream, there he is barechest and all.

He lets out a squeaky laugh followed by a smile as he comes towards your bed, tapping them to give you a signal to open. You raise an eyebrow but oblige, spreading them a bit only for him to sit inbetween them. It feels as if you’re heart might explode with the sudden flirtacious moves from him. Something you have been wanting but still aren’t used to.

‘‘ You slept so good that you don’t remember last night?”

You look at him eyes wide and then down to your body, “ Please tell me we didn’t-’’

‘‘ As much as I would of love to, No.’‘

A shot of relief flows through you but sadness soon comes over. He isn’t yours to be thinking these sorts of things. He isn’t yours in general. It wouldn’t be right for him to say things like that to you, while still entangled with another female.

‘‘ Why so sad?” His hands comes to your face to caress your cheeks. You shake your head softly then grab his hand to slowly lower it back down.

Jimin sighs, “ Baby just tell me whats wrong.’’

That word. That word you know always messes things up with your thoughts. Your emotions, hell everything in your body too.

You slowly make your way off of the bed, not interested in the conversation anymore. It’s not like you don’t want to continue, you do, but the guilt of everything that comes with it is enough to stir you away.

‘‘ Jimin don’t use that word. You technically still belong to Isabel.”

‘‘ Is she here at this very moment?” He cocks his head to the side with a smirk. You roll your eyes in response to his cockiness.

‘‘ No. That doesn’t change the fa-”

‘‘ Alright then. Now are you going to tell me what’s really on your mind or do I have to force it out?” He raises his hands and scrunches them with grabby motions. You don’t fall for it though. 

You make your way to the doorway, “ That’s all Jimin. I promise. Just call me by  my real name okay?’’

But that’s not what you want. What you want you know you can’t have. It’s not because you can’t have it because you want too. It’s just that it would make you feel like a terrible, horrible person. The look on his face when you say those words almost make you give in. Those puppy eyes caught yours and for a split second you almost consider it but don’t. It’s hard for you, it really is. Having something dangling in your face but you’re too concious to have it.

He’s still not yours. 

With the morning being spent eating a good breakfast Jimin made your favorite pancakes. You watched him carefully, the way his hair bobbed up and down a bit while his right arm whisked the batter quickly. He seemed so natural and comfortable as if he was used to doing this for you. With your elbows on the island counter and head in your hands while you’re seated, you can’t help yourself to stare at the back of him and let the memories float in your mind.

Memories that never fade from you. It’s cute of him to steal glances of you here and there when pouring the batter into the pan. The small winks he gives you makes your heart flutter and the blood rush to your cheeks. It feels rather good to you to have his presence here. Despite the guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach.

 The rest of the day you two decide to lounge around. Endless movies and tv shows throughout the day as you’re cuddled up next to him with a pink colored blanket for the two of you to share. Clara seems to enjoy her time with him too since she won’t let him put her down. She meows loudly with every movement of him. Such a drama queen.

‘‘ Jimin it’s getting late..” You pause, looking up at him. He gives you a small frown when he sits up in hopes you won’t finish your sentence. “ She might begin to worry you’re not home yet.”

Jimin ignores your comment only to latch onto your body a little more rougher, arms not wanting to let go. You giggle before running your fingers through his hair as his head lays softly onto your chest. You wan’t him to leave mentally, but your body wants to hold on to him for way much longer.

‘‘ Your heartbeat is soothing to me.”

It always has been. Anytime he just wanted to talk when you were in a relationship, he would lay you down and then lay himself on you with his ear pressed against your chest. Some days he would have been happy to talk, others, he just wanted to lay there to fall asleep.

‘‘ Seriously Jimin. You should leave.” 

He shakes his head, ‘’ Shhh. Jungkook is coming soon and I would love to sit here and have you to myself.’’

You raise an eyebrow is confusion, “ Why is he coming here?’’

‘‘ I kind of sort of lost my keys to my home. Isabel came yesterday to give the copy’s she went and made when we were at Ryan’s office.  I left the house key with Jungkook while going after you instead of putting it on my keychain right away.”

So that explains why she came. It also would of been better to have touch pad, or even facial recognition to enter the home. Anyone can just copy the key to your home. The fans are already crazy enough after that time you two saw one trying to follow you into your used-to-be shared apartment. It didn’t end so well either.

“ Why don’t you have touch-pad?” You say, sitting up with a disappointed look.

‘‘ Funny story. When the house was made I thought keys would be better than touch-pad on the outside because any paparazzi who manages to get through the front could snap pictures of the code. So why not use a key right?’‘

You just sigh and shake your head in disappointment, not even wanting to explain why that would still be a dumb idea. “ Whatever makes you happy.”

‘‘ But if you were there you would of stopped me.. right?”

Your eyes shoot down to him only to see him staring right back up into yours. The butterflies in your stomach begin to flutter once more. It’s been so long since you felt those.

‘‘ Yes. Yes I would have told you it was a dumb option because nobody can make it past security without calling you first.’‘ You whisper, both of your faces inches away from each other.

‘‘ I thought so. Can I make another dumb suggestion?’‘ His voice says, faint enough for you to hear making the hairs stick up on your neck.

You swallow slowly as chills run down your spine out of anxiety, ‘‘ What?’‘

‘‘ This.’‘

It all feels surreal to you. His lips against yours moving in sync together it’s all just surreal. Within seconds his tongue is swiping against your lips begging for entrance in which you comply. The way his hands rub up and down your thighs is sure to make you moan against the kiss, grabbing them to lead it to your core. He obliges and traces the outline of it outside of your clothing, laying you down gently on the couch in the process.

Until that painful doorbell rings loudly causing you both to groan. Jimin pulls away with a plop noise and give you a wink before lifting off of you to go see who is at the door. Your clothes are ruffled up a bit and that small wet spot between your legs seems to not too noticeable when you fix yourself up quickly.

Sex with Jimin. You almost had sex with Jimin. You feel wrong about it but at the same time you want nothing more to have him make you a screaming moaning mess. You miss him, the way his stroke game is, and everything about him dominating you in the bedroom. 

He’s still not yours though.

‘‘ Who is it?’‘

You sit up and fix your hair to at-least look presentable. That kiss meant everything to you. Your feelings and body enjoyed it but your mind did not. It slipped your mind that you should of pulled away. Nothing can replace how it felt to have his lips on yours again.

The door opens revealing Jungkook who’s face is a little red and breathing hard. He runs inside and shoves Jimin out the way before slamming the door shut and locking it with his back against the wall. You furrow your eyebrows and get up from the spot you’re sitting in.

‘‘ Jungkook what’s happening? Why are you run-”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

‘‘ Open the door now! I know you guys are in there! Jimin get your ass out here now!’’

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Your eyes go wide. That voice. That oh so familiar voice is standing right outside your apartment door. 

‘‘ I tried telling her you went to practice with Seokjin for some new choreography but she knew I lied. Im sorry I tried to run as fast as I could to my car to get away from her. She followed me here in her car and then I had to run some more up to your apartment.’‘ He breathes hard, handing the new set of keys to Jimin.

Shit! You have no words to say. This wouldn’t of all started if you wouldn’t have been so stubborn yesterday to just take a taxi. You wouldn’t of passed out, he wouldn’t have been here with you all day today.

That doesn’t excuse the fact that this girl is batshit crazy for following Jungkook and showing up at your actual fucking apartment. Jimin looks at you with sorriness in his eyes. You look at him with anger and cross your arms to prove your point as to why he should have left in the first place.

 ‘‘ Im going outside to talk to her. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

Jimin’s hand pushes down the handle to the door and as soon as he cracks it open, the force of the door pushes open harshly hitting the wall next to it, making him stumble back a little.

‘‘ So you think it is okay to go to your exes apartment? I would never disrespect you like that Jimin, you know that!”  Rage has taken upon her, face red and it doesn’t already help that her facial expression is beyond pissed.

Slap!

You watch in horror as her hand connects with his left cheek. Jungkook’s eyes go wide, but then frown into anger before walking over to her. Stomping with each step he takes.

“ Watch what your fucking doing okay? That’s my brother and I certainly do not hit girls but with one click of a button Ryan will be on her way to beat your ass got it?’’ 

‘‘ Jungkook stay out of this! This isn’t your battle. Now you, you have some nerve letting him inside here. Obviously you were not enough for him to go cheating on you.” Isabel says, stepping away from Jimin and leaving him there at the door.

That one hurt. She does have a point though, you should of made Jimin leave regardless of what he said to you. You got caught up in the moments that weren’t meant to be yours. Its true, she has every right to be mad.

‘‘ I don’t appreciate you being around Jimin..” She inches closer to you, hands on her hips. You begin to back up, eyes to the ground of guilt. If only things wouldn’t have unfolded like this.

‘‘ Your relationship to him is starting to be inapropriate.” Isabel’s eyes make contact with yours when you look up. She looks at you as if you’re disgusting, and you can’t blame her.

‘‘ Isabel..’‘ Jimin warns, coming behind her.

On the heel of her feet, she turns around shaking her head. “You don’t deserve to talk. You care so much about her, but did you forget we are a couple? We may just be cooling things off between us, but you are still mine as I am to you.’‘

Jimin sighs, stopping just behind her, ‘‘ Isabel look..”

“ Jimin..” Jungkook starts, uneasy of what his brother is to say next. You know what’s coming and you know that tone of Jimin’s voice all too well.

The same one he used when breaking up with you. You see the tears well in her eyes. Some part of you feels bad for her because you know those words well. You know that feeling all too good.

‘‘ Are you really breaking up with me because of her? We were doing just fine until she showed back up in the picture. Are you seriously doing this?” Her voice cracks on the last words. That made your heart sting a bit. This isn’t right.

Jimin sighs looking at the two of you back and forth. You are the one for him, it’s no doubt. It was a stupid choice for him to cheat on you. It was a stupid choice for him to leave you in the dust like that. You gave him everything. A loving relationship, a home, happiness, you are the highlight of his days. He misses you just as much as you miss him.

“ Isabel we are through. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the man to your expectations. It’s my fault. All my fault and I shouldn’t have let you belie-”

“ Fuck you. Fuck you Park Jimin.” Her words slice through the air, piercing Jimin right in his heart. It hurt for him to hear that, but he deserves it.

Jungkook doesn’t look so shocked, but he does wish Jimin would have did this else-where other than your apartment. Isabel looks at you with envy, reaching into her small chanel bag for something. Jungkook gives her a warning look to just leave before grabbing your arm to make you stand behind him.

“ Isabel I’ll walk you down. It’s best to just leave it be. Please.” Jimin begs from behind her. You watch the tears roll down her eyes and you still can’t help but to feel guilty.

You are the cause of their breakup. Maybe you really should have minded your business about Jimin. Maybe you shouldn’t have entertained his charming ways at all. Looking back down at her hands, you see a small pocket knife she grips tightly. You tap Jungkook and point which makes him push you behind him even more. 

“ It’s a bad idea. You can hurt me but you wont hurt my brother or her.” He says, daring her to make any type of movement towards you. 

Jimin comes behind her and attempts to grab the knife in which she slashes his palm on accident trying to push him away. In that quick second, Jimin hisses in pain while pulling away giving Isabel all the time she has to get to you while Jungkook is already across the room for his brother, forgetting you hiding behind him.

‘‘ Shit! Jimin are you okay?” He asks, but then quickly turns to you, “ Quick! Go hide! Hurry! “ Jungkook screams.

‘‘ Isabel this isn’t what he wants. He wants you to be happy and getting back at me will only upset him more!”  As if your words would even convince the crazy girl in the slightest. 

She just laughs as your words, fastly walking to you who’s, running towards the living area thinking it would cut time shorter if you cut through there to your bathroom.

You aren’t fast enough. She tackles you to the ground where you two rumble around trying to get away from her until she putting all her weight on you as she sits directly on your chest making it hard for you to breathe. 

“ Maybe a little mark on your face will tell you to stop home-wrecking people’s relationship.” She raises the knife up high and you watch in horror before she raises it back to in attempt to make a slash on your forehead.

You block each attempt at her trying to slash anything on your face. Your dad always told you to protect your face in self defense and fighting and thats what you do. Only until with one last thrush, the knife connects with your forearm, making a nice sized gash on it.

‘‘ Fuck!”

The voices in your area fade in and out. You look to your left to see Isabel being dragged out by a pair of cops. But the puddle of blood forming around you rapidly sends you into panic. Only you cant panic. You cant speak. Your vision is slowly loosing faith in you.

Open.

Close.

Open.

Close.

Open.

Cl-

#one last time #park jimin #ex bf jimin #ex boyfriend jimin #exbf!jimin #jimin fanfic #jimin smut #jimin scenario #jimin x reader #jimin angst #jimin sad #jimin oneshot #bts oneshot #bts fanfic' #bts smut #bts angst #bts reaction #bts fanfic #bts one shot #bts fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenario #jungkook reaction #jungkook oneshot #jungkook one shot #idol jimn #idol!Jimin #idol jimin au

[thefanbasewhore]

"Mine." || Part 2.

Summary: Din shows you who you belong to just to discover something life changing.

Warning/Content: 18+ ONLY. NSFW. Fingering, oral (female receiving/male receiving), P in V, a hint of degration, slight breeding kink, dirty talk, ROUGH SEX. Dom!Din, jealous!Din and tatted Din. I would add another tag but it would give away the ending.

Paring: Din Djarin/Female Reader

Part 1.

A/N: I also do not ever write smut, this is my first fic with full sex in it so if something does not seem right please, please let me know. Thank you, hope you all enjoy!

His lips don't give in, pressing his tongue until it feels heavy against your own. Fingertips unforgivable as they sting your skin with how rough he was moving your face for he had a better angle to kiss you at. He's ruthless, pissed, marking his territory, claiming you his.

Anger warmed his whole body and honestly he wasn't even sure it was jealousy anymore just the sheer fact that life has separated him from you and from his son, it's unfair. As he pulls away, brown eyes dark with meaning, lips bruised and puffy from your own. "Tell me." He urges, "You're mine, I want to hear you say the words."

Dins’s eyes following every movement of your eyes as they move from the creases in his forward to the facial hair that peppered his jaw. "You know I'm yours. I'll forever be yours Din."

His eyes are starting to soften but find you reaching for his hand to press it against the thick colum of your throat and squeezing fingers over his feeling the air restrict just enough it burns for there is just enough air passing through, making you dizzy. The deep burn of desire inside the deepest pit of your stomach just wanting him to fuck you hard, remind you that your place is with him; imaging sitting on his lap on the golden throne he will soon own, truthfully where ever the hell he wants you because you without a doubt are putty in his hands. "Please remind me, I need it so bad."

Finding yourself blaming it on how sexy he is when he's angry, the way his cheeks colored red as he pulled on the your hair, forcing you too look at him as he asked if you fucked another man. It may be that the separation from the man weighed heavy on your heart. Seven months is a long time, the lingering desire to grow. Satisfying yourself didn't even come close to him.

The soft moan against your open mouth from the words is enough to have you soaking, fingers dip into the soft fabric of the tunic, harsh fingers grasp the tie of the robe and when it doesn't budge rips it right off, throwing it over his shoulder with a snarl against your lips. "You missed me sweet girl, you need me?."

"Yes."

"Maker -." He gasps at the feeling of small hands cupping his erection through his pants, hips bucking to meet them with certainty, lips hot against your own with one goal. "Greedy girl. Not happy unless she's touching a cock."

The way he talks as if you're not even there, patronizing but oh, it makes you mewl and tut hips against his hardness which throbs underneath you. A fire inside ignites with an endless flame, desire seeping to form into the throb between your legs. A problem that only he can fix. Absolutely starved for him, his touch, his lips as they press your own. Moaning softly with praises for his good girl.

His hands arr greedy as they cup your breasts, pinching the nipples a little to rough until they puff and sting, it hurts but he doesn't seem to care much as Lips press against the warmth of your neck, kissing, nipping any part of skin he can manage, purple marks left it the wake, tongue soothing the bruising skin, heart stammering against his chest at the thought of Luke seeing them. His voice is rough, calculating as the pads of his fingers lift your face from seeing what he's doing from you using the plam of his hand to angle it towards the headboard. "You want to see? I don't think you deserve it, haven't been a good girl. From what I remember you picked his side over mine."

"Did.." You try to speak but the thigh between your own stops you, heavy as it presses against your clit and makes you gasp. "...Not."

"Surely did but look at you now. I wonder what he would think if he saw how cock dumb you get." Din's’s hand falls between both of your legs to his hard member squeezing it through his pants, throbbing under his own palm.

He's teasing, testing the waters to see a reaction out of you, he's so so close but biting the inside of your cheek manage to stay quiet.

It has to be quick as hands press against the mattress under you, tightening your trunk to use the new found strength he didn't know about to flip yourself from under him. Din is quicker though, halfway through pulling you closer for it's impossible to escape his arms, pulling you to straddle him as his back lands on the bed with a huff.

You really do try to move but he's just too strong, hair filling the gaps between his fingers as he pulls your lips against his again, teeth clashing as a moan vibrates his chest. "You're not going anywhere cyar'ika."

Anchoring yourself against his lips, pushing down roughly on his hardness as you cry against his lips as a hand lands on your ass, skin taunt and red instantly at the roughness.

"You're upset." Words whispered against his chest, fingers running over the outline of the square jaw teasingly, tongue reaching out to lick it. He feels his own eyes roll into the back of his head with a whimper. "Let me make it up to you, I wanna taste you in my mouth again."

Muscles scream and ache, sore already from his brutal grip but it's the least of anyone's concern as you sink into knees between his large, muscular thighs squeezing them teasingly. Mouth pressing over the cloth covered skin of his inner thighs, mouthing him through the fabric as his face turns red. His fist roughly tightening in hair until it's so tight it hurts when he pulls your head back to pick your haze towards his face. "Don't tease me girl, you're not going to like what happens if you keep it up brat."

Your mouth waters watching his taunt muscles bunch the fabric of his shirt at the collar pull the beskar and shirt in one go careless of where it lands. He's bare now, muscularly lean as his hips press himself into your hand, a reminder of the task but you can't find yourself to look away from the tanned, creamy chest right above his heart, eyes reaching the black lines of words. "Another one?"

The one on his neck was large, a symbol of what he claimed was leadership but in plain English right above his heart made your heart beat faster. Shaky fingers trace the curves of letters on his pec, skin soft. Your name, it was healed and black already starting to fade, it's been there for some time now. Heart stammers against his chest as he hears the softness of your tone, "Why?"

"It belongs to you, I thought it was only right."

Despite the swelling of your heart finger’s play with the waist band of his pants before curling around them pulling them just enough that they're almost revealing his throbbing erection but his finger's cupping your jaw hault all actions forcing you to look at him through hooded eyelids. "I want to hear you want it."

“Please.” A shock of pleasure running straight through his body to his throbbing cock, “Can I touch you? I wanna suck you off, please, please let me.”

You must look pathetic on your knees, eyes welting with tears of the new found discovery on his chest, bottom lips slightly pouting that he stopped you in the first place. Big doe like eyes never leaving his, you sound so fucked. "Please..."

A small groan leaves the half naked man's throat pressing his thumb against your chin roughly, while his other fingers leaving a trail along their wake on their way to your breast cupping gently, teasing you just a little more.

The way he stares at you, as you wait for any gesture, any tilt of his head to say you can. He's testing you seeing if you're even capable of behaving but little does he realize when it came to him his girl would so anything he asks. It's intimating, feeling his eyes shift over you, tall even sitting down, towering actually.

“Fine, only because you asked like a good girl." Din's finger help you as he lifts his hips to move the pants and boxers up and over his ass and to the floor leaving him completely bare. After so many months it's a beautiful sight, hard, throbbing under your touch, an angry pink that just wants relief.

Tongue meets the delicate skin of his balls first, a soft huff of relief falling from his lips as you continue to lick a stride against them, taking one into your mouth almost as fast.

The Mandalorian actually chokes, the feeling of you after so long as him falling from his elbows to lay flat against the bed. Hands gathering your hair into a messy pony tail, not only for a better view but to taunt that he can take control anytime.

He's about to warn you about teasing him again when he feels a small kiss against his inner thigh but his tip pushing past your lips as him bitting down on his lip so hard he swears he tasting blood. "Sweet girl, so-- good."

The mixture of salty pre-cum and saliva makes it easy to move him past your lips until he reaches the deepest part of your throat, holding him there a few seconds to taste the saltiness of him until your nose feels the dark hairs of his abdomen Warm and tight around him, fingers gripping harder as his hips involuntarily buck into you deeper, choking you until eyes start to water.

After that you waste no time taking him inside your mouth to the point that your lips were completely around him as him he hits the back of your throat with every stroke. Adding his own hips to the mixture as the intense feeling of your gagging only vibrates against him, the sounds that fill the room are filthy, wet and slippery as spit begins to dribble down your chin.

"Maker --." He squeezes his eyes shut feeling the distant building of heat run down his legs, warm his belly. "Did you think about this? Think --." He can't even finish a sentence with how deep you take him, throat already staring to ache but every time his cock pierces the threshold of your throat soothing it instantly. "Think about sucking me off?"

Head nodding frantically as one of your hands slip just to relieve the pressure between your legs but his own around your wrist stops you. A soft whine makes around him makes it almost impossible to push away but with every ounce of self control he has he pulls his throbbing cock from your mouth, the thick line of spit that comes that connects you two makes him want to explode on your face right there.

Din pulls you up by your arm onto his lap once again as fingers waste no time to reach between your legs, thee slick of your wetness coating the tips of his fingers as he pulls the pants from your hips. “You're so wet honey, is this all for me?"

He doesn't even give you the chance to reply as fingers dip down to your wet slit, sticking a finger in your gaping hole a quarter of the way with one goal in mine to coat them in some wetness before slipping it past his lips, wanting a taste. "Just as sweet as I remember, want you to taste."

With his face only inches from your own, it's so filthy. The way he pulls his fingers from between lips, his own string of spit as the appendages slip past your own lipsb rolling against your tongue before closing your lips around them. “Such a dirty girl aren’t you?” 

The heat of Din's chest flushing your breast is enough to have you dizzy with bliss. He's so sexy like this, confident, radiates with new found power that turns you to putty in his hands.

You can't help as you lean forward to capture his lips again tongue eagerly meeting his. Din kisses back instantly, the taste of you being exchanged passionately through the heated kiss as hands falling to the back of your hair, tugging it gently as hips buck as you lower yourself against his cock. At this point Din feels his heart pounding against his chest, doesnt believe the way you dry hump, he wouldn't even call it that: the wetness that soaks his thighs is anything but dry.

It almost physically hurts not being inside of you, hot a ready against you, gentle fingers hook at your hips effortlessly flipping your whole body weight until your hands and head push against the softness of the mattress using fingers to bring your ass towards him until it's presses against his own bare hips. “Ass up baby.”

Din couldn’t help but groan at the sight of you, naked, pussy in the air for him, ready to be used in any way he sees fit. A rough hand kneading the flesh of your ass cheek, other one coming up to spank you so hard you gasp as it sends tingles of pain down sore legs. His lips coming down to the point of attack pressing a small kiss against it, then using his hand to run over the bubbling spot, welt red with pulsing pain. “You looked so pretty with your lips around me around my cock but seeing red with my marks makes me want to destroy you."

"Please, please.." At this point you don't know what you're begging for but Din's not ready to give up that easy, he's not done reminding you that you are without a doubt his.

A large hand guides down your back feeling the grooves of your spine against his own fingertips until hand reached the back of your neck with one hard grab but then down back down until he reaches your ass kneading both cheeks so close to your throbbing heat. A lingering blaze of heat where his fingers were as he pushes your head deeper into the matress. "Beg me to touch you needy girl. I don't think I'm convinced you want me anymore."

"I do." The clock of his tongue tells you he's disappointed, panic tearing through your throat as his finger moved further from where you need him most, tears of frustration prickling eyes as his hand pushes your head deeper into the mattress. “No! No -- please touch me. I want it, need you so bad, lay here every night thinking of it." With one last crack of your voice words spewing at any effort of some type of relief. "Do whatever you want to me, fill me up bear, I wanna be yours.."

It's only for a second, the way he tenses and throbs between your ass cheeks, chest doesn't dare move, not believing the words that came from your mouth. Soft kisses against the back of your thighs, lip meeting with your clit that sends a shock up your spine, goosebumps breaking out at the euphoric feeling. Din didn’t waste any time as he puckers his lips and sucks on your heat, tongue trusting inside of your tight hole enjoying the sounds coming from you as he mumbles against you, "Want me to fill you up sweet girl? Want my seed deep in you?"

Wet, sloppy noises falling from where his lips connect to you the sounds he was making with his lips and tongue are almost sinful as a rush of heat runs through your body hand coming down on your ass, a little awkward at this position but it's more to show how serious he is. "Answer me."

"Yes! Oh, yes! I want you to feel you all night."

The tip of Din’s tongue flickers the soft bundle of nerves making you mewl, his finger filling you snuggly and to the brink without warning, not wasting any time they leave only to come back and reach that spot in that makes your eyes roll back into your head. The sounds falling from between your legs were heavenly, wetness dripping from your thighs to the bed but he could care less about right now.

“I’m gonna cum.” The devilish smirk was not visible to your own eyes as pulls his finger from the wetness, eyes running over your swollen pussy puffy with pleasure. 

"Wha?” The orgasm haze was starting to take over leaving you slightly drowsy as tears sting with frustration groaning into the pillow trying to lift your head but Din's hand in your hair prevents that pressing you back against the soft material. 

“Good girl take what they're given." He growls harshly but the gentle kisses against your neck say otherwise; soft and wet soothing the spot where he grabbed earlier. Words dangerous as lips chaste over your ear, "You can remember that the next time you stick up for him."

Din is kneeling between your thighs, leg against your inner knee spreading your legs just enough for he can fit. Arching your back against him, silently begging to end your misery already.

The sounds of his hand using your wetness to jerk himself off behind you otherresting against your ass and squeezing the softness. He doesn't give any warning, the sudden feeling of a burning but pleasurable stretching causing a small gasp to fall from lips swollen from all the biting from the previous finger fucking.

Din’s finger come behind you to tease the bundle of nerves, making your whine as he sinks every inch of his cock until he's nestled so deep it's hard to breath. It's a delicious burn, one that makes you so light headed it's hard to even form words. "Maker, Din."

Din's hands rest against the swells of your ass, eyes tilting towards the filthy sight of him snuggly pressing into you, testing the waters with one deep, slow thrust. The sound you make is straight up sinful, makes him groan on his own accord as you clench around him.

Hips snap faster watching his cock disappear and reappear into your silky opening over and over again a wave of pleasure tingling his spine every time he hits the spot that makes you dumb. He wants to comment on it but can't form words at the sight of his cock covered in your arousal, it has his thighs shaking with heat, stomach stirring with the familar feeling of relief, his whole body on fire. With every push of hips, strokes steady, long and rough hitting to fill you every single time.

The sounds falling from you mixed with pleasure and pain but it felt so good having him in you again. Din loves it, hips rolling into you, pussy dripping between the two of you, smearing his thighs, leaking down yours. Eyes trained your bouncing ass as he listens to the squeals of his name.

Back arching pushing him deeper inside of you to hit that spot that makes you cry as a hand rest against the small of back giving him a better angle to fuck you senselessly. “Din, oh maker, so fucking good."

"Yeah sweetheart? Missed me huh?"

Nails digging into the flesh of your hip as sweat begins to bead on his forehead and chest, heat washing over his whole body as he feels himself grow closer and closer to giving you want you want most. “i’m so close bear, please let me..” you manage to mumble as the pleasure pinches your voice hoping he doesn't steal this one from you as well.

"Want me to fill you up sweet girl? Tell me you want it.

"I want it so bad, want to feel you for weeks." There is no doubt in any of your minds you will.

"Come for me, give it to me." Your orgasm hits you instantly clenching around him so hard he chokes. Din on the other hand continues to drive his cock deep inside of you a small whine falling from his lips. 

With the last of his trust he explodes, cum lining you, filling you to the brink. Maker, there's so much as it drips between you and onto the bed, he doesn't dare move trying to keep whatever he can manage in. Taking a second to recover with heavy pants against your back before fingers hook around you turning you to face him as you both breath with heavy breaths.

Sagging into the matress completely spent, chest rising and falling to match the pattern of your thumping heart. Eyes blurring in a haze even though it's only temporary your limbs feel heavy as a gentle hand cups your cheek tilting your head in which you can only guess his direction. Din doesn't move, keeps himself burried deep inside of you, not daring to break the warmth he's missed.

"Are you with me Cyar'ika?" The post sex haze wearing away but he's till blurry, you're too tired as eyes slowly begin to shut.

"I want to go with you. I want to go home."

There was no home, Din knew exactly what the words meant, a metaphor for himself, he would forever be your home. It was sweet, made him warm and blush but lazy lips trail from your shoulder pressing his face into your neck with a sigh, words whispered breathlessly. "You belong here, I will come back when you are ready."

"I don't want you to leave." The words are hard to process as hot tears slip past your eyes flushing the cold skin of his cheek.

The way the words sound so broken, gasped out with emotion is soul crushing. Din presses his face deeper, cheek against cheek as the tears burn. "I'll try and visit more.. it won't be another seven months. Luke will have a way to communicate with me for emergencies." He pauses, hands rubbing over your hair to comfort in any way that would help, lifting his face until your nose bumps his own. "I wouldnt able to live with myself letting you leave here yet... You have come so far, you have so much more to accomplish my sweet girl."

"Stay an extra day." Tomorrow morning was coming too fast, it breaks your heart knowing it would be months before laying eyes on your Mandalorian again. Din turns his head not being able to look you in the eyes that he can't, he promised Bo-Katan that he needed one day then he would be back to the war, it was bad timing as it is. The sniffles against his neck, the whine as he shifted inside her once again made him crack. "Anything for you baby, I love you so much. I'm sorry for before, did I hurt you? I -."

"It's okay, It's been a long time Din, I understand. It was perfect." It's doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand, the uncertainty of seven months and you couldn't find yourself to blame him.

**

It's funny how missing someone works, it's been weeks since he's left but in the morning you find yourself not being able to move from the bed, the sheets still smell like him. Remember all the soft spoken words, the promises that he'll be back to you home, to him where you belonged.

Luke sits in front of you, Grogu on his lap as you try and concentrate but the small hands against your stomach make you frown, head tilting down at the green fingers that coo softly. He's been doing that very often lately. What a weird little creature.. cute but weird.

The soft huff that falls from Luke makes you pause, now question his eyes with your own. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, accomplishing what you failed to do. The force is strong with him, murmuring things of the past and impending future.

Now his hand covers the child's who lays his forehead against it. "He senses life. I feel it."

The words stun you, momentarily pausing as your mouth falls open. "I saw the future, I saw your baby due in months time. Another generation of Jedi."

And the heir to the Mandalorian throne.

#din djarin fan fiction #the mandolorian imagine #din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #din dijarin x reader #the mandolorian x reader #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian #the mandolarian #din djarin

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Night Antics (The Volturi x Reader)

The Volturi weren't accustomed to humans like the Cullen's were and you were painfully bored. Therefore you decided you'd create your own entertainment, as the Volturi always demanded you did. 

You were the only human who had ever slept in their presence. Naturally, it wouldn't take long to figure out that your heart slows down when you sleep among other physiological changes. So your idea was extremely time sensitive. 

You decided you'd 'sleepwalk' around the castle at night and see where it took you. You remembered what it was like to see a family member sleepwalking so you knew what to aim for...whilst taking it to a whole other level. 

You went to bed at ten thirty at night and waited silently for an hour. That was when you got up and began to wander aimlessly. You swallowed down every bit of excitement that flooded through you, making sure to keep your heart rate steady. You had to commit to it if it was going to work. You passed Santiago, reading a book in one of the many rooms of the castle. He didn't even acknowledge you as you passed. 

Your wandering led you to the tower. You weren't allowed up there and it wasn't where you were aiming for. Before you stood Afton, how looked at you with slight confusion. Whereas, you didn't look directly at him, staring at the door with skepticism. "(Y/N)?" Afton asked. You turned your head towards the wall to your left, slowly pressing your hand against it. Suddenly you huffed quietly, turning around and walking away. Leaving Afton even more confused than he was before. 

 Instead of taking a right from your room, you took a left and that was where the fun had began. It was hard to believe you had been left to wander for so long but that made the experience even more thrilling. You knew a few would hear you coming before seeing you after all. So knowing that no one had come to you yet made the possibilities endless. You could hear the TV in one of the living rooms and that was when you knew you had located someone. You wandered in. 

It was Felix and Demetri who were sitting and watching the sports channel. Felix turned to you. "Hey, (Y/N). I thought you went to bed?" Oh Felix. He had really set himself up with that one. You looked around in thought. Before your eyes landed on the TV remote on the coffee table in front of them. Both Felix and Demetri's eyes followed you waiting for a response. However, you hadn't given one, completely ignoring them and reaching for the remote. You pointed the remote to the TV ferociously clicking the same button. The TV got quieter until it went on mute. Felix spared a look to Demetri who looked just as confused as Felix felt. Your gaze suddenly snapped to the window. "Gerard, you're going through a lot. I get it but you can't talk to people like that! I put on the fishing channel for you!" "Who's Gerard?" Felix mumbled to Demetri who shook his head, staring at you like you had grown another head. They continued to watch as you peered at the window, moving in front of it. "Why are you watching me? You're weird." You spoke to the window one last time and stormed out the room. Demetri blinked as Felix cast another look to him, after you left the room. "Have they gone mad?" Demetri raised an eyebrow. "Well, I have to see where this is going." Felix said as he rose to a stand. Demetri nodded. "As do I." 

When you saw you were about to pass the twins, you made a beeline, colliding into Jane's back. It felt like you had ran into a brick wall. She turned to you with a dark looks, Alec's expression just as cold.  Before she annihilated you with her gift and the joke was over, you blurted out. "Who put that wall there!?" Suddenly their expressions faltered, a flash of confusion striking their faces before sending each other a look. You walked by her, suddenly walking quickly with purpose. The now four guards looked at each other. "We think they've gone mad." Felix told the twins. "They think I'm a wall." Jane responded.  "Yes, they were also speaking with someone named Gerard." Demetri nodded. "Who is...?" Alec pressed. "We have no idea." Felix responded. "They were talking to a window." Jane huffed. "They're our responsibility now. We need to know what they're doing." The distant giggle they heard didn't have them hopeful. 

Felix and Demetri's eyes widened when you put a pot on your head and a spatula in your hand. You turned to the empty corner of the room. "I know." You said simply. You moved to the table seemingly counting places. Suddenly you gasped. "Marcus, don't sit in the freezer! Aro told me to look after you!" Felix suddenly laughed, as though unable to contain it any longer. "(Y/N), what are you doing?" Jane asked flatly. You didn't respond, instead staring hard at the microwave beside you as though you'd never seen one before. "We can't allow this." Alec said finally. At the same time, you moved towards the cabinet. Before you could open it all the way, Alec pushed it shut. You repeated the motion to open it and once again Alec pushed it shut. When you tried again, Alec held the cabinet door shut. You stared at the cabinet as though it had deeply offended you. In silence you held up your middle finger to the cupboard. Felix laughed again as Demetri's and Jane's eyes widened. Alec took the pot off of your head and the spatula from you. "I think we should consult Carlisle." Demetri said delicately." "Cool." You shrugged to the empty space beside you before hurrying off again with a giggle. 

Felix and the twins followed you and finally you had found the throne room. Caius and Marcus were torn from conversation, turning to look at the four of you for explanation. You offered nothing. Instead, you stared at them, stunned. "Masters, forgive us." Jane said, her eyes moving between the two leaders and you. "(Y/N) has been acting strangely and we aren't certain what to do." "Demetri is calling Carlisle now since he has more experience with humans but they don't seem to be very aware of us." Felix added. "They seem aware of us now." Caius said with skepticism, both leaders meeting your gaze with scrutiny. "That's the impression master. However my brother has just had to take a pit off their head and a spatula they were wielding like a weapon. They bumped into me and thought I was a wall. Demetri and Felix told us they also spoke to someone who doesn't seem to exist as they certainly weren't there." Jane responded. Caius sighed, his hand covering his face. 

You kept your gaze on Marcus, grumbling incoherently looking disgruntled. "Why didn’t you call me?" You asked him. Marcus didn't respond but it got both leaders looking at you once more as Caius lifted his head. Suddenly you looked down your top. "Oh...that's painfully average." "What on earth is this?" Caius slightly taken aback. Felix looked to Marcus. "Master is now a good time to mention you've to not sit in the freezer? Aro sent (Y/N) to look after you." It was enough to get the leaders on board with what was happening. Their guards were out of their league. However the two doubted the help they could be too. 

Caius and Marcus stood up. Caius marched forward. "(Y/N), that is enough. Stop this nonsense." Poor Caius, if only he realised that isn't how it worked. As Marcus moved closer, you spoke again. "Oh great, the Russian Revolution is here...wait, why did you take my hamster?" That was when Demetri returned. "Masters, I just got off the phone with Carlisle. I described their current condition and he believes it to be 'sleep walking'." Caius scowled at Demetri. "Meaning?" "If I understood correctly, (Y/N) is currently asleep isn't completely aware of their surroundings. They're dreaming." Demetri replied smoothly. "Do we wake them?" Marcus asked quietly, catching you before you could walk away. "If we do, we have to be very gentle about it. Although, Carlisle suggests that we can simply walk them back to bed. It's likely they'll just stay there." "Caius is my dad?" You gasped to no one in particular. Caius huffed. "Take them back to bed then." Jane nodded. "Yes, Master." 

Jane and Demetri were the ones who took you back to bed. You grumbled a random statement throughout such as requiring sprinkles, or a squid for science. Demetri guided you back into the bed, putting the covers over you. You tried to kick them off in a bizarre display if trying to fight the covers. However Demetri was quick to coax you into relaxing. You exhaled in defeat, rolling onto your side, turning your back to Jane and Demetri. After a minute of making sure you were okay, they two left. You smiled to yourself, unable to determine that this most certainly would be the last time.

#twilight #volturi #the volturi #reader #one shot #oneshot

[solarwonux]

6. “Feel free to admire me.”

19.  “Give me a kiss please.”

non!idol taehyung x f!reader

warnings:  angst if you squint, slight mentions of going crazy, a teeny tiny bit suggestive, minimal editing, 

note: helloooo, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this one, and if it’s bad I apologize from the bottom of my heart, it’s my first time writing anything but academic papers in like 3 months. And it’s my first time writing for bts, so i’m dusting off the cobwebs. Either way thank you for reading it means the world to me.xx

masterlist || drabble game 

You were acting strange

Taehyung noted as he watched you scramble around the apartment, running a frustrated hand through your hair, mumbling underneath your breath as you tore the apartment apart looking for your glasses.

You had been doing that a lot. Living up in the clouds, distracted. Your mind racing to the point you would forget what you were saying mid-sentence or misplacing things you had just been using in obvious places. He knew something was bothering you, keeping you from grounding yourself back down to Earth, and he so badly wanted to know. But after almost being together for almost a decade he knew that asking you what was happening would only frustrate you and keep you from coming back down to Earth. To him.

So he sat back, a small smiling forming against his face. He cradled his almost empty wine glass between his index and middle fingers, the setting sun reflecting off your glasses on the coffee table. The same place you had left them earlier before walking to the bathroom to wash your face. He could tell you, to stop your endless pacing and ease your mind a little. But he was oddly amused as you made your way around the living room, retracing your steps, endlessly.

The movie the two of you had been watching, paused. The wine bottle you had refused to share with him was reaching its wilts end as he kept refilling it every time you sat down next to him silently looking around for a few minutes and then getting up again to make your way around the living for the umpteenth time.

“I’m going crazy Tae.” You blew out a raspberry, blowing away the few strands of hair that had escaped your ponytail. “How can my glasses just disappear, I was literally just wearing them.” You threw your hands up in the air as you made your way into the kitchen. Lifting up the stacks of manila folders you had brought home from work to peacefully look over throughout the long weekend.

“Have you checked the bathroom?” He said, hiding his smirk behind his glass of wine taking the last sip. You scoffed, throwing your arms up in the air before walking down the hallway to the bathroom.

Taehyung shook his head reaching for the wine bottle on the coffee table. “Your eyesight isn’t even that bad, you don’t need your glasses to watch the movie.” He said emptying the rest of the wine into his glass and sat back on the couch, tilting his head to the side as you stomped your way back into the living room.

You gave him a pointed look before rounding the corner of the couch and sitting down next to him again. “Babe, I’m sorry.” You exclaimed dramatically, hiding your face into the side of his body, making him laugh softly. “I’m going insane and now you’re stuck with me till death do us apart.” You whined, huffing out a loud sigh. His soft boyish laugh ringing in your ears. The slight irritation you had gained during your impossible quest, bubbling in the pit of your stomach.

“Sounds like a dream.” The sarcasm burning brightly in his vocal chord and you could almost feel him rolling his eyes. “Now, give me a kiss please.” He placed his fingers underneath your chin lifting your face up gently as he puckered his lips drastically.

Annoyed you pushed his face away, crossing your arms in front of you and pouting your lips. Mock hurt evident in his features. “You don’t deserve one all you did was watch me as I slowly lost my mind.”

“I can’t admire my beautiful wife now?”

“I mean...feel free to admire me, but not when I’m one step away from being admitted into a psych ward.” You leaned over, taking his wine glass out of his hand, bringing it up to your lips. A drink is what you needed. A small sip to calm down your racing thoughts, before you got up to look for your glasses again.

You threw your head back, waiting for the red liquid to reach your lips, savoring the taste before it even reached your mouth or your taste. And when it did, when it coated your lips enough for a drop to enter your mouth, your eyes grew wide in panic, remembering why you had been refused to drink with Taehyung tonight and why you had been so up in your head lately.

Taehyung watched as the scene unfolds in front of him. Instantly he had felt your rush of panic and his worries got the best of him. Acting on his fight or flight instincts he immediately took the glass from your hand, setting it down on the coffee table next to your forgotten glasses. “What’s wrong? I didn’t want to ask, but now you’re worrying me.” He placed his hands on your shoulders shaking you slightly, bringing you back to him.

Your eyes were glossy and distant as you breathed out a sigh looking into his eyes for a slight second before planting your gaze on the beige throw pillow you had been hugging earlier. It had helped ease your nerves before and now with Taeyhyungs piercing stare, burning holes into the top of your head. It was failing to do what you had wanted it to do. Comfort you.“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you.” You whispered, playing with the little tassel on one of the four ends. “I mean I want to tell you, but I don’t know why I am so scared.”

“Is it something bad?” He said carefully. He could feel the air getting caught in the back of his throat as he tried to keep himself from thinking of every possible scenario, good or bad, to have you acting the way you were.

You lifted your head, chewing on your bottom lip. “It depends.” You shrugged slightly avoiding his eyes and settling upon the tv screen. The paused movie nowhere to be seen as it was now asking you if you wanted to keep watching.

“Depends on what? You’re scaring me.” The softens of his voice faltering as his grip on your arms got tighter, trying to keep himself from breaking down.

“On your reaction. I thought I would have more time to come to terms with it but I don’t think I can hold it in any longer,” you said in a haste. Your words combining with one another as Taehyung tried to keep up with your fever.

“Just say it...please. I can feel my heart trying to leave my body.”

“Taehyung,” you took a deep breath, digging your nails into the pillow, and turned to face the only man you had ever loved. “I’m pregnant.” You whispered with wide eyes. Maybe you weren’t going crazy but after finding out three weeks ago that you were with child, the thought of telling your husband the news was driving you to the point of no return.

It wasn’t like you and Taehyung didn’t want kids, the two of you had been trying for more than a year with little to no success. But the second you saw the little positive symbol on the pink and white stick, you couldn’t believe it. So you took another and another and another until you had about ten positive pregnancy tests staring back at you, mocking you. All you could do was cry.

Taehyung’s eyes sparkled with tears as he threw the pillow you were holding to the side and hugged you tightly. He buried his face into the crock of your neck leaving behind a trail of loving kissing trying to comfort your shaking form.

His biggest wish had finally come true.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier you big idiot?” He raised his head. His hands trailed up your spine until they reached your head. His thumbs swiping underneath your eyes taking your falling tears with him. “Why were you scared?”

“I just...it finally happened and I couldn’t believe it. I thought that if I said it outloud I would wake up from a dream or something.” You hiccuped.

Taehyung shook his head in disbelief a slight chuckle falling out of his lips as he leaned over and kissed your cheek. “That head of yours is your biggest enemy. No wonder you were in such a dreamlike daze the last two weeks.”

“Are you happy?” You pouted slightly, holding his arms gently, scared he would let you go.

“I’m more than happy, I’m so excited. I could literally run down the street naked, waking up the whole neighborhood, risking a public offense violation, just to let the whole world know that I am finally going to be a dad”

You laughed, throwing your arms around his neck and bringing him closer to you. “I’m starting to regret ever saying anything, I should’ve just kept it a secret for the next eight months.”

“Hmm, and here I was thinking that I should probably tell you where you left your glasses. Now I think I’m going to keep it a secret for the next eight months.” Teahyung stuck out his tongue at you before settling into the couch and bringing you along with him, making you whine in annoyance.

“I knew you knew where they were.” You grumbled crossing your arms in front of your chest. “I’ll let you decide on the first letter of your childs name if you tell me.” You sang, poking his side gently, making him yelp out in pain.

He turned to you, pouting, rubbing his side in pain, “first letter and their first outfit when we leave the hospital.” He challenged, sticking his hand out for you to shake.

“Kim Taehyung, it looks like you got yourself a solid deal.” You said, encasing your hand in his, giving it a firm shake before pulling you into his side. His arm entrapping you to keep you from moving and placed a loving kiss against your forehead.

“You left them on the coffee table.” He pulled away, presenting your clear framed glasses to you. You let out a sigh of relief, quickly grabbing them, slippin them on and cuddling into his side.

“You could’ve told me earlier, I really thought I was losing my mind for a second  back there.”

“If I didn’t would I have found out about our lovely baby bean?” He grabbed the remote, pressing the ‘continue watching’ button on the t.v. and unpaused the movie.

“I see your point.” You settled further into the side, finally letting yourself enjoy the movie. Earlier you had been ansty, pushing his hands away as they kept  traveling to your lower belly. Though, his intentions were far naughtier then what was playing in your mind. But you were afraid he would finally figure it out.

Five minutes

Five minutes was all it took before Tayhung paused the movie again and sat up in panic. “Oh my god,” He mumbled before turning to face you, eyes wide in horror and shook. “Babe I’m going to be a dad.”

You laughed, squishing his cheeks in between the palm of your hands. “Yeah I know, I thought I made that pretty clear a few minutes ago.” You teased as his eyes raced from your face and down to your midsection.

“I know but I was thinking about how we had sex last night and now I’m scared. Like what if we hurt the baby, what if I hurt the baby.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. You’re fine Tae, just play the movie.” You patted his cheeks lightly before getting up and walking into the kitchen, “do you want popcorn?”

He stood up and quickly made his way to the kitchen, leaning his forearms against the counter, watching as you placed the bag of popcorn into the microwave. “How can you be so calm about this, how do we know the babies okay? We need to call the doctor now and book an appointment.”

“Stop worrying, I’m sure baby is fine, but you can ask the doctor in a week during my first ultrasound.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, now do you want popcorn or not?”

“That’s a stupid question, I always want popcorn.”

#bts #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts fanficton #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts taehyung #bts fluff #bts drabbles #taehyung x reader #taehyung imagines #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung fanfic #taehyung scenarios #taehyung drabbles #taehyung fluff #kim taehyung #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung fluff #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung imagine

[littlekohai77]

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, mentions of self harm and mentions of paranoia. angst.

It was just another day at NRC. A dorm meeting was being held and Malleus and Yuu were finally included.

*in the mirror chamber*

Everyone was seated in their own preserved seats. As Crowley had said the meeting was being held for the dorm leaders to interact and get to know each other.

=============================

Crowley: *proud of himself for no reason* Aren't I gracious?

Yuu: *deadpan expression* Gracious my ass.

*dramatic gasps in the background*

=============================

Yuu and Malleus were having a conversation about gargoyles when Azul interrupted.

Azul: Sorry for the interruption Yuu. I've been observing you for a long time and there's this thing about you that always keeps bugging me. I'm really curious about this one question. Do you mind?

Azul said with his suave facade on.

Yuu smiles politely ☺️.

Yuu: Nope. It's okay. Feel free to ask me anything you'd want to know.

Azul: *whispering to himself* Well here goes nothing.

How do you know that everything is going to work out? How do you keep doing this? Every time an overblot occurs, your always able to pull through. How do you keep believing that it will be okay?🤨🤔🧐

Yuu only smiles sweetly and says.😊

Yuu: ✨Well. I'll tell you my secret sir.✨

Azul smirked sinisterly hopping to get some exclusive information.😈

Yuu lowered their head and a heavy shadow casted over their face. After a few moments they raised their head again, allowing others to see their face. Unlike how they were smiling sweetly moments ago, now they had a tired and loveless expression on their visage. Their eyes looked dead. They spoke in a whisper.

Yuu: I lie to myself.

At that moment the dorm leaders expressions were truly a sight to behold. They were confused, shocked, scared even. Confused because they didn't understand what the Perfect meant. Shocked because they have never even in their dreams had ever imagined to see the Perfect in a state like this. So broken, so tired like they've been going through an endless cycle everyday, so in need of love and affection. Scared because in the pits of their stomachs an odd feeling had started to form, like it was giving them a warning of some sort. After what felt like an eternity the Perfect continued.

Yuu: Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror and say "Everything is going to be okay". I say "One day Crowley will figure out the way to send me back. One day I'll be freed. One day this endless cycle will come to an end. One day the dreams will stop. The voices will be replaced with peaceful silence. The pain will fade away. The cuts will heal. The stains of blood caused by myself will wash away. The ink won't drip onto the crystals. The walls won't talk. The days will be filled with laughter again and I will be laughing with them too. The numbness will be gone. I'll finally find the piece of information that will enlighten me about how to go back." But I lie to myself.

The Perfect's expression changed again. This time into one of sadness. A small almost invisible broken smile on their beautiful lips. A tear rolling down their flawless cheek.

They whispered but loud enough for the others in the mirror chamber to be able to hear.

Yuu: I keep doing this everyday and I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

Please don't mind this. It's my pathetic attempt at an imagine.

Feel free to leave comments.

#twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland xmc #Crowley x mc #azulx mc #dorm leaders xmc #yuu #Crowley x yuu #azul x yuu #dorm leaders x yuu #mc/yuu #how the mc feels #angst #Disney twisted wonderland x mc angst #twisted wonderland x mc angst #mentions of blood #mentions of self harm #mentions of blood and self harm #gn!mc #Disney twisted wonderland x gn!mc #disney twisted wonderland x gn!yuu #disney twisted wonderland x gn!yuu angst

[buck-nialled]

Can’t Handle the Heat - N. Horan + S. Mendes Imagine

NOTE: it’s been a minute since i’ve written one of these, so sorry! but i hope you like this one. WARNING: this is very angsty, and goes alongside my social media au which i just added an update to. read this first, though, as it gives context for the social media au

TAGLIST: @fedorable-killjoys @particularnarry @swiftmendeshoran​​ @theshyspy @clarabsevero @rosetoronto @organicpurplepants @hoodhoran @umadirectioner @rueplumet @5-seconds-of-bucky @sinceweremutual @benito-mi-vida @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @niallerbbynialler @letmecarryu @niallers-potatoo @nerdypartytrashpsychic @golden-hoax @upallniall @ms-emily119 @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @wowitsel @rhymelynne​ @evanjh @fairyvex777 @percysaidnever @amelietpwk

SUMMARY: the hatred for shawn and niall’s roommate continues to fester on and offline...platonicroommate!au

“Hey, T.” You try a smile down at the golden, but even Tarzan could discern it as something insincere. You stood back up and arched your back, the muscles in your spine aching from the countless hours on foot behind the counter. Part of you guessed what you looked like before you could approach the bathroom mirror, and the prediction was accurate—smeared mascara beneath your eyes, coating the forming bags and disguising the dark circles. The baby hairs forming at the base of your scalp were every which way and had more tendrils joining them by wantonly falling from your top-knot throughout the afternoon.

“Hey, T.” You try a smile down at the golden, but even Tarzan could discern it as something insincere. You stood back up and arched your back, the muscles in your spine aching from the countless hours on foot behind the counter. Part of you guessed what you looked like before you could approach the bathroom mirror, and the prediction was accurate—smeared mascara beneath your eyes, coating the forming bags and disguising the dark circles. The baby hairs forming at the base of your scalp were every which way and had more tendrils joining them by wantonly falling from your top-knot throughout the afternoon.

Just a glimpse at yourself made you feel increasingly tired, especially when the memories of your entire day culminated in one big montage of embarrassment for your brain to play. Waking up late and stumbling to get ready, only to lead to you almost tripping when sliding your sneakers on. Realizing you had run out of coffee—quite a common yet ironic happenstance for the everyday barista—when you desperately entered the kitchen for your morning pick-me-up only made it worse. But the most unfortunate occurrence happened midway through your shift:

The girl had her gaze transfixed on your figure the entire time you brewed, blended, and topped her coffee. It was nothing you were not used to, however, it put you slightly on edge during the afternoon rush the store was experiencing. After successfully capping the full cup and delivering it to the customer, you sent her a small farewell and twisted your body towards the line of waiting patrons.

“Excuse me, miss?” You internally groaned, praying she didn’t ask you to remake the drink. You faced her once again, lips curling at the sides to hold a pleasant smile

“Yes?”

“If you don’t mind me asking, you’re Y/N right?” You sense more pairs of eyes on you, and your gaze darts behind the young girl to find a group of more teenagers staring at you with mischief blazing in their eyes. Your eyes flick back to the doe-eyed girl, holding the cup in her hand.

“Um, yeah last time I checked.” You chuckled and spared a glance down at your name tag.”

“The one who lives with Shawn Mendes, right? And Niall Horan?” Heat fills your face, and you are unsure as to why. Normally you weren’t one to grow shy of casual conversation, but being recognized in public as the girl who lives with two major celebrities made you begin to feel your heartbeat in your throat and tingling down to your toes.

Gulping, you maintain your composure and deliver the girl a firm nod. “That’s me.”

She merely hums, before removing the lid to the drink and tossing it carelessly onto your body. The action had you gasping at first, but when the boiling liquid settled onto your arms, you were hissing in pain.

“Slut.” The girl spits, before dropping the empty cup to the floor and turning to exit. Her friends followed in fits of giggles, one being brave enough to call back to you, “you should probably pick that up!”

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Your co-worker rushed to your side immediately, disregarding the order she was in the midst of taking to rub your back comfortingly. Your eyes shifted everywhere and froze when seeing every customer peering at you with sympathy or confusion.

“I--I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” That is all you could reply at that moment, before taking a less than climactic exit to the restroom door.

Your manager, upon hearing your co-worker’s pleas to let you clock out early, conceded and wished you well. On the way out of the shop, two people were generous enough to offer you personal tips. Neither of these things lifted your spirits much, however. The red burns on your arms remained, and the shame was still settled deep in the pit of your stomach. The most confusing part of the whole ordeal was why it was instigated. Did you suddenly become a supervillain overnight to every teenage girl in a fifty-mile radius?

After removing your makeup, you phoned your best friend to catch up. Prior to you explaining your day, she asks you with a hint of concern in her voice, “have you checked your socials lately?”

“Not in a couple of days, why?” You exited the restroom and brought the phone call to your bed.

“Oh, nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Y/B/F/N, you can’t say that and not expect me to check them now.” You chuckle. “Just tell me what’s the matter, it can’t be any worse than the day I’ve had.” You begin picking at a loose thread on your comforter.

“People are just...saying things.”

“About you?” You gave her no time to answer. “Who are they? I will gladly give them a piece of my mind if they--”

“Not about me.” She sighs. Your eyebrows furrow, before she solemnly adds, “just go check your recent posts.”

You hang up with the promise to chat later, before following her instruction to open Instagram and study your latest posts. A lot more likes than normal, but because of who you're rooming with, it is expected. The number of comments piqued your interest, and it did not take long for you to go through most of them.

There weren’t many things you found wrong in yourself until being faced with teenage girls’ social media accounts. Each word and sentence they formed commenting on your weight, your face, your popularity, your modesty, your “promiscuity”, your relationship to Niall and Shawn--which has been purely platonic since meeting them--among other things slowly unraveled you to nothing but a sobbing lump on bedsheets.

According to the internet, there was a lot wrong with you, the most prominent flaw being that you exist and shouldn’t anymore. Another thing the rumor mill is spitting out is that you are a homewrecker to your roommate’s current affairs with their partners. Even the nitpickers got a say in what they think you should change about your appearance and your personality. And right now part of you is glad your roommates are not here to be witness to your pathetic being.

As cruel as it was to continue reading through the tirade of pixelated words, your eyes stung as you eagerly scrolled and refreshed, and scrolled and refreshed again. Amidst your tears, you hear knuckles tapping against your bedroom door and perk your head up with a gasp.

“Hey, you in there?” Shawn’s peppy voice calls from the other side. “I brought more coffee home!”

Coffee. Just the thought of it sends you downward in your mental spiral once more, despite how much you were craving for it earlier in the day. SLUT! The voice from the young girl rings in your head, and the rough texture of the bedsheets against your singed arms provides no comfort as you bury your head against the nearest pillow.

“Y/N,” Shawn calls again after hearing no response from you. “I’ll just leave it in the kitchen…” he says at a lower volume, assuming you were sleeping or busy with something else. But you couldn’t occupy your racing mind with anything else right now. Maybe you should have left it alone. Maybe you should have chosen roommates who don’t fall under any A-list category of fame, let alone post about them.

Minutes after your breathing had come to a steady rhythm, it sped up rapidly at the feeling of endless buzzing coming from your phone. You barely picked your head up from your pillow, eyeing the small, rectangular screen lighting up with alert after alert and notification after notification. All of them no doubt traced back to your social media page, but you had no energy to review the latest gossip circulating your hate campaign. Instead, you chose to roll back over and tug your comforter over your head in an endeavor to drown out the noise.

Hours later, you awoke to your room, now dark with no Los Angeles sunset to illuminate the inside. You sit up and stretch your tired body, wondering when exactly sleep consumed you. You smacked your chapped lips and scrunched your face at the feeling of your dry mouth. Knowing retesting back under your covers would be near impossible without a drink first, you flung the bedsheets from your lap and tiredly strolled out of your room to the kitchen. As soon as you stepped foot out of your room, however, a snoozing lump on the floor sent you tumbling and rolling over with a grunt.

“What the hell?” You sat up and brought a hand to your head, eyeing the large body taking place in front of your bedroom door?”

“Shawn?” You whisper to yourself and bring a hand up to jostle his shoulder. Niall, who was leaning up against the wall beside your door lets out a gasp. You jump back as his eyelids fly open, eager to greet you and join you in waking Shawn up. After succeeding, you begin a sluggish interrogation.

“What are you two doing outside my room?” Shawn and Niall trade wary glances and hesitantly turn back towards you. “Well?”

“You should sit down for this…” Niall advises, picking himself up from the ground and stretching. Shawn follows before you lead the way to the kitchen with your thirst still itching for something to quench it. Both of the boys eye you carefully as you grasp a cup from one of the cabinets and bring it to the sink, filling it with water straight from the faucet. Feeling their gazes practically branding you, you lose your patience and spin around to face them.

“What?” You spit. Both of their faces look down to the floor, in fear of pushing your buttons. Finally, you connect the dots leading to their behavior, and inquire, “you saw what people were saying about me, didn’t you?” The sound of your fingernails meeting porcelain is all that fills the room for the next few seconds. It makes Shawn shudder, and Niall gazes down sorrowfully at the counter.

“Yeah...and the video. We’re so sorry—“ Shawn had barely begun his apology before you were cutting him off.

“What video?” Your frightened eyes met theirs, unmoving in fear of what video of you could have been published online.

“Nothing. It’s not important.” Niall shook his head. Your chest deflates with a huff before you take the mug of water to your lips and chug every drop. Afterwards, you lay the porcelain back onto the counter and march toward your room, to your bed, where you know your phone is lying. Niall and Shawn follow you in protest, insisting the video is not something you should be watching.

You do anyway. After following the tags people have left for you under a video from a fan account for the boys, your eyes perceived every second of the ordeal at the cafe from this afternoon. The hot cup of coffee being thrown at you and scalding your arms, the patronizing screams flung at you from the group of young girls. You saw the sympathetic stares of each patron aimed directly at your trembling figure before the video cut to black.

Your body began quaking again, this time with powerful sobs. Shawn and Niall spared no time in wrapping their arms around your crying figure. It’s not fun knowing your most embarrassing moment is immortalized on the internet forever, and for anybody to see. Niall and Shawn knew this.

But what made the boys’ blood boil is that those girls had the nerve to make a punchline out of you. Their best friend. Roommate. Closest confidante. As your body cowered, becoming sandwiched in between their chests, Shawn’s eyes flickered up to lock with Niall’s, no doubt exchanging the same expression of fury. And mentally, they were also exchanging the same burning thought...

Let's make these people pay.

#niall horan #Shawn mendes #niall horan fanfic #Shawn mendes fanfic #niall horan fanfiction #Shawn mendes fanfiction #niall horan imagine #Shawn mendes imagine #niall horan imagines #Shawn mendes imagines #niall horan blurb #Shawn mendes blurb #niall horan oneshot #shawn mendes oneshot #niall horan x reader #niall horan x you #Shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x you

[xtodorcki]

could I request a jean x reader? The reader was in a relationship with Marco and after what happened to him, they were both always there for each other and eventually developed feelings for each other

“Fresh Starts,” Jean x Reader

Summary: After finding your dead boyfriend Marco, you and Jean cling onto each other for comfort and end up developing feelings.

Warnings: none

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The first few days after finding out about Marco was very difficult for you. You couldn’t even get out of bed and go to work without feeling this intense weight pin you down and drag you across the floor. The deep rooted depression had clung onto you and kept you bound to the bed.

You had cried too many times to even count. All of your tears were gone and there was nothing left to cry so you would just lay in bed, lights off and stared up at the ceiling as you held onto Marco’s jacket.

Jean had tried to be there at first but he decided that maybe space is what you needed for the first few days, that is until you continued to stay in bed and not come out to even eat or work with the other Scouts.

He felt the same as you but he had put on a fake face and pretended like nothing was bothering him. He was angry and sad but he knew he couldn’t let it hang over his head and prevent him from working.

As he walked down the hallway towards your bedroom, he was holding a full plate of food he had made for you just because he knew you weren’t doing too well. He knew you needed someone to come and push you and comfort you so you can move on and not let this drag you.

Jean had knocked on the door but when you wouldn’t get up to answer, he had decided to let himself in and looked at you on the bed in a daze. He sighed, setting the plate down on the small table and opened up the curtains in your room to let some sun in.

“I made you breakfast, I know you’re hungry.” He tried to put on a happy mood for you, tried to be of some help to show you that being in bed like this wasn’t going to solve anything.

“I just want to be left alone, Jean.” You mumbled, your eyes moving to look up at him and he shook his head while forcing you to sit up.

“Not an option.” He sat down on the bed, grabbing the plate and setting it down on your lap.

“I’ll feed you if I need to.” His eyes stared down at you, the heavy feeling he felt in his chest and the pain that was hovering over him.

The guilt had hit him as he looked over your current state, he could tell you haven’t left your room or even tried to take care of yourself. Your hair was a mess, still in pajamas and have been for days.

He hated to see you like this but he knew how much Marco meant to you, shit- he meant a lot to him too and it pained him to see his own best friend dead. It felt like a bad dream, a nightmare he was going to wake up from and he knew sitting there that maybe you felt the same- stuck in a endless loop of hoping you’ll wake up.

You hesitated before grabbing the plate from your lap, picking up the fork and started to eat. Jean felt relieved and felt like a weight has been lifted off of him but he still felt weighed down.

After you were done eating, it was silent and you both had sat there soaking in each other’s company. You had suddenly forgot about everything for just a few minutes while you were eating but sitting there deep into thought had brought everything back.

It made your eyes start to fill up with tears and you shook your head, looking down at your hands as you fiddled with your fingers and when he looked down at you, he seen the one stray tear rolling down your face and falling down on your lap.

“I got an idea.. to help with the grief.” He offered, standing up from your bed and grabbed your shoes.

You weren’t completely upset that he was still here but it did make you feel uneasy with the company when you just wanted to be alone but at the same time his company felt somewhat good, it took some pressure off of your shoulders.

Your eyes watched Jean as he slipped your shoes on your feet and tied the laces before dragging you out of bed. A dramatic groan had slipped passed your lips, following him down the hallway and even debated snatching your arm back and running to your room again.

“Jean..” You spoke up, an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach the further you were away from your bedroom.

“C’mon, trust me on this.”

You closed your mouth, letting him lead you to one of the rooms where most of the weights were. It was basically one of the many training rooms that they had on the base including stuff outside to train with as well.

He had walked you over to the punching bag hanging off the hook and gestured towards it with a smile on his face, trying to ease up the mood and make you feel somewhat better.

“I think hitting the bag would help, get all your frustration out. Or you could punch me, that’s cool too.” He said, watching your eyebrows scrunch together as you stared at the punching bag.

Jean just wanted to help, he felt awful and he also felt obligated to take care of you after everything that had happened. He was close to Marco and now that he was gone, he felt like he needed to look after you for him.

After that day he had continued to stick by you and come in your room every morning with breakfast and stop by a few times to talk to you, help you in anyway he could and make sure you were taking care of yourself.

It was from that day that you two were soon inseparable. You both had helped each other in ways that you couldn’t explain. Jean was always helpful and caring, making sure your head was up right.

A few months had passed and everything started to feel lighter, everything started to lift off your shoulders and life started to get a little more easier to live through without Marco.

You were starting to feel a bit happier but of course you couldn’t just not think about Marco, he was always in your head but you were slowly accepting things for the way they were and living on just like how he would want you to.

Jean had started to make you happy, he made you laugh and always made you food to make you feel better. He always stayed in your room late at night just to make sure you weren’t sad or going to sleep crying like you used to.

And as time had flew by, you had found yourself developing feelings for Jean and at first you had beaten yourself up over it for days. The horrible memories of Marco’s death had flooded your head as you laid in bed late one night. Would he forgive you for liking his own best friend? Would you go to hell for this?

You really hated to admit that Jean was making you happier since Marco’s death.

You were terrified, you felt like you were betraying him and it just made you fall back into that depressing hole you were in before but Jean was quick to notice and worry once again.

His hand came up to knock on your door one random day after not hearing from you for almost a week. He had let himself in after a few minutes, seeing you in the state you were all those months ago- in bed and sulking.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” He asked, worried and all you did was just shrug your shoulders, how do you even tell him everything?

“You can talk to me, ya know. I don’t want you to feel like you’re battling stuff alone.” He said again, his feet making their way to your bed and sitting on the edge of it.

You sucked in a sharp breath, tilting your head to meet his gaze and the way his soft eyes had burned into yours, it made your heart race and it made the guilt shower down on you continuously.

“I feel like a terrible person..”

“What? Why?”

“Because I like my dead boyfriends best friend.” You abruptly said, watching his eyes grow wide and he began to stutter on his words.

Jean hated to admit that the last few months he had developed some feelings for you. You two hung out almost everyday, leaning on one another to help get through Marco’s death and it helped but it also pushed the two of you together.

He hated the fact that he let himself fall for you during the last six to seven months but it was nearly impossible not to fall for you. You two were always together and always cheering each other up, he started to see you in a better light and see that bright personality you had.

Of course he knew about it before, he was pretty close to you and Marco but now this was different, he’s seen it up close and personal and seen your beauty in many different ways and that made him start to develop feelings.

He thought about it a lot too, was this something good or was this stupid? Was he betraying his own friend for having these feelings? For thinking this way? He didn’t know and he leaned on Armin for advice and all he said was that maybe Marco would want the two of you to have each other.

“Feels wrong.” You mumbled after a while of silence, your eyes moving away from his as they began to water.

“It might feel wrong at first but.. if you continue to live your life feeling like you’re betraying Marco then you’ll just end up alone. It’s been over half a year, gotta move on eventually.” Jean said, not knowing exactly what was coming out of his mouth.. he sounded like Armin.

“Maybe you’re right..” You sat there in thought, wondering what would Marco think. You knew he wanted you to be happy, you both have had that talk numerous times because you both know that with this job, life isn’t guaranteed.

just promise me you’ll be happy afterwards, no sulking. His words had repeated in your head, breaking your heart all over again.

“Marco will always be here, Y/N but you can’t beat yourself up wondering if what you’re doing to be happy is wrong to him.” Jean trailed off, not really knowing what to say, he felt awkward.

“Do you feel the same?” You quietly said, your eyes meeting his again and suddenly it felt like his heart had stopped in place.

“Hate to admit that I do.”

“Then we’ll take it one day at a time.” You sighed, reaching over and grabbing onto his hand, holding onto it for dear life like the moment was going to be ripped away.

Jean had stared down at you, almost in complete shock. He loved Marco like a brother and he didn’t want to feel like he was betraying him but he also didn’t want to feel like he was pausing his life and pushing things away just because he felt that way.

You deserved to be happy, Jean wanted you to be more happy than him and he promised himself to do that for not only you but Marco.

Even if that meant the two of you were gravitated towards each other.

Even if that meant the two of you developed feelings.

And even if that meant the two of you end up together.

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• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

#jean kirstein headcanon #jean kirstein #jean kirstein imagines #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein headcanons #jean kirstein imagine #jean kirstein fanfic #jean imagines #jean imagine #jean x reader #jean fanfic #jean headcanons #jean kirchstein #jean kirchstein imagines #aot imagines #aot headcanons

[redgillan]

Under Pastel Skies - 8

Sugar daddy!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Modern!AU Bucky doesn’t need anyone, especially not a sugar baby. He isn’t that desperate… but she smiles so sweetly and she’s endearingly awkward, and he’s so lonely. She’s an artist, a painter, the type of person who always puts others before herself. Throwing caution to the wind Bucky offers her a place to live, a place where she can finally paint whatever her heart desires. He doesn’t need much in return; a friend, a muse.

Word Count: 3,734

Warnings: none

A/N: If this chapter had a name it would be “me, you, and steve’. Also I know how infuriating they are, so oblivious and dumb but isn’t it the point of pining ;) Thanks for your patience!

Wannabe sugar daddies, don’t interact with this post.

Bucky’s cab pulled over to the curb in front of his building. He tugged on the lapels of his coat, pulling it tighter around him, and braced himself for the blast of cold air waiting for him on the other side.

He hated the cold, hated winter. It reminded him of the day he lost his arm, alone on that godforsaken mountain until Steve found him. But he could deal with the cold if it meant he’d find you on the other side of that door.

He knew you were home, you had texted him about an hour ago telling him that you had a surprise for him. It had made him smile. He’d hurried home, desperate to see you even though he’d seen you that morning.

He had it bad.

He’d been restless since the gala, unable to sleep without dreaming of you, your velvet dress in a heap on his bedroom floor, your scent lingering on his bed sheets. He would wake up bathed in sweat, on the edge of coming.

He would deal with it with an ice cold shower.

Bucky had accepted the fact that his feelings for you weren’t as innocent as they once were. He had always thought you were strong, full of life and a little awkward, but lately he’d been wanting to kiss you, touch you, feel your warmth against him.

He wanted it so badly it hurt.

He wouldn’t say he loved you. He certainly felt something for you but love was something foreign to him. Sometimes he wondered if his feelings were even real. He’d gone from living an extremely solitary life to spending every single day with you. It could have easily been a product of his loneliness and your soft spoken demeanour.

He had stopped counting the number of times he’d almost kissed you on the lips. The urge was always there, eating away at him, but he always caught himself at the last moment, his lips landing on your forehead, your cheek or your temple instead.  

“I’m home,” he shouted, closing the door behind him. He bent to untie his shoes and kicked them off while he unzipped his coat. “What’s the big surprise? Is it something we can eat?”

He hung his coat next to yours on the hook and walked down the short corridor that led to the kitchen. As he walked, he became suspicious of the silence that hung in the air. Slowly he peeked into the kitchen and found you in the company of someone he thought he’d never see again.

“Steve?”

“Not edible, sorry, Buck.”

Bucky’s face broke out into an instant smile, ear to ear and ecstatic. “Fuckin’ hell, Rogers, you look like a yeti.”

Steve barked out a laugh as he stepped forward and hugged him. He wrapped both his arms around Bucky, almost lifting him off the ground despite knowing how uncomfortable hugs made him feel. Chuckling, Bucky returned his hug with one arm; the only kind of hug he could give.

“I’m happy to see you.” Steve pulled back and held him at arm's length.

Bucky looked over Steve’s shoulder at you who were standing behind the kitchen counter, grinning at them. “Is that my surprise?” You nodded. “Ugh, I was kind of hoping for pizza honestly.”

“Asshole.”

“I’m joking, man.”

Steve returned to his seat and Bucky followed. You grabbed a mug from the cupboard and fixed Bucky a cup of coffee. He gave you a grateful smile.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with this punk on your own,” Bucky told you. “Did he give you a hard time?”

“Nah,” you said. “He was pretty sheepish. Also, I almost gave him a heart attack.”

Bucky burst out laughing as Steve’s face and neck flushed red. You told Bucky the story of how you and Steve met outside his apartment building. Bucky doubled over laughing when you made a pretty spot-on impression of Steve’s confused face. Steve rolled his eyes at your theatrics, a smile on his lips.

“In my defense, no stranger has ever screamed my name like that.”

“Oh, if the alley behind the church could talk, it’d call you a fucking liar, Steve.”

“First, shut up!” Steve jokingly pushed Bucky off his seat. “Second, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” That sobered you both up faster than a cold shower. Steve caught a furtive sideways glance between you and Bucky. “Did I say something wrong?”

“I’m not his girlfriend,” you replied with a smile. “I’m his, uh-” you trailed off and looked to Bucky for help but he was unable to speak. “I’m his roommate.”

“Oooh! Okay.”

Was that relief on Steve’s face? Bucky’s stare hardened. A muscle in his jaw jumped when Steve engaged you in a conversation. He asked you how long you’d been living with Bucky and if you liked the apartment. His tone was conversational but Bucky knew him like the back of his hand, he knew Steve was flirting with you.

“Are you staying for dinner?” you asked Steve. Bucky’s head snapped up, his eyes wide. You picked up the laminated meal plan from on the counter. “Creamed spinach and baked eggs.”

“Sounds great,” Steve agreed.

“You don’t like spinach,” Bucky grumbled under his breath.

“I’m not twelve anymore,” Steve countered with an arched brow. It made you laugh. “Besides I haven’t eaten a homemade meal in... wow, probably years.” Steve turned to you. “I don’t know if Bucky told you but I’m a landscape photographer. I live in the wild most of the year. It’s kinda like travelling by foot on an endless backpacking trip. It’s amazing but the food is disgusting.”

“Yikes!” You grimaced in sympathy. “Well, Bucky’s an amazing chef. I keep telling him we should open a restaurant together.”

You walked over to Steve and mock-whispered in his ear. “If we ask nicely, he’ll probably make us some garlic bread.”

That made Bucky smile. His first instinct was to answer with his usual ‘I’d do anything for you, angel’ but he couldn’t say that in front of Steve so he bit his tongue. He saw the disappointment in your eyes, as if you were expecting that usual answer too.

“I should go upstairs,” you said. “I have a painting to finish. Have fun, boys.”

Steve watched you go, then he shook his head and heaved out a sigh. He waited until he was sure you were out of earshot before he turned to Bucky.

“She’s quite something, isn’t she?” he said. “So, are you two...”

“We’re friends,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded. “Is she single?”

“As far as I know.”

Bucky’s jaw was clenched hard, the tendons in his neck looked like they were about to snap. He loved Steve like a brother but, goddammit, he wanted him to leave and never return. He balled his hand into a fist, feeling a visceral urge to punch something.

Yet, Steve seemed completely oblivious to Bucky’s turmoil. After living in the wild for several years, he was having trouble picking up on social cues.

“Do you think I should ask her out? I’m a bit rusty.” He ran his hand through his long hair, tugging at the strands. “I should get a trim first, right?”

“And a fucking shower,” Bucky grumbled to himself.

Steve didn’t hear him, he was too busy glaring at his hair in the big mirror on the wall.

Bucky tried to push away that nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was becoming harder to pretend this was all innocent. Not when he had to physically restrain himself from punching his oldest friend in the teeth. Steve was allowed to ask you out, Bucky had no right to be jealous.

And yet...

“How long are you stayin’?” he asked, eyeing Steve’s backpack. It wasn’t unusual for him to take Steve in when he was between assignments, but things were different now.

“A few weeks. Is it going to be a problem?”

“Listen, if it were just me, I’d let you stay,” Bucky replied. “But I’m not alone anymore. She doesn’t know you, you’re basically a stranger, and you’re already thinking of hitting on her. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. This is her home.”

Steve blushed. “No, of course. I understand. I would never-”

“All I’m sayin’ is, she has the final say,” Bucky cut him off. “If she lets you stay, you can take the kids’ room.”

“You sure? It’s right next to her room. I could take the room upstairs, the one above the living room.”

“No, you can’t,” Bucky sighed. “It’s her painting studio.”

Steve stared at him with a suspicious frown. “Are you sure there’s nothing between you and her?”

“Yup, she’s just a friend.”

He tried not to fidget as he forced himself to hold Steve’s gaze. He kept his head high and acted as composed as he could even though his heart was jackhammering in his chest.

“Okay,” Steve drawled out, not entirely convinced. “If you say so.”

As Bucky expected, you allowed Steve to take the guest room, the one with the bunk-bed, though Steve told you that it wouldn’t be a problem. It also meant that he would be sharing your bathroom, and while it didn’t seem to bother you, it made Bucky really uncomfortable.

That evening, he sat down with you and Steve at the dinner table. He made sure Steve was seated at one end of the table, thinking that if you didn’t have him in front of you, you’d interact less. Bucky’s plan backfired pretty quickly. Steve had so many ‘I-lived-in-the-wild-for-ages’ stories that he monopolized the discussion –and your attention.

Bucky spent most of the night lost in his own thoughts, daydreaming, and only smiled when he caught your gaze. He snapped out of his haze when he noticed that he was alone at the dinner table. You and Steve were washing the dishes, talking and laughing.

He felt a pang of envy at the sight before him; it was supposed to be him and it scared him that someone could take you away from him. Then it hit him. He wasn’t special, you were kind and sweet with everyone. It was what had attracted him to you in the first place; your kindness, your fortitude and loyalty.

He couldn’t blame Steve for falling for you, too.

“Guys, I’m going to bed,” he said, standing on the landing between the two rooms.

You turned around mid-laugh and smiled warmly at him. “Good night, Bucky.”

“Sweet dreams, angel.” It slipped out. He didn’t even realize what he’d said, but Steve did.

Steve cocked a brow at his best friend’s retreating figure before he hung his head and let out a brief chuckle.

Over the next few days, Bucky’s mood didn’t improve. He was holding back, unable to reach out to you the way he used to. Steve was always there. Always.

In the morning Steve would come back from a run, sweaty and hungry, and wearing a shirt that was two sizes too small for him. He really laid it on thick, even by his standards, but you didn’t seem to mind.

In fact, you would often go out with Steve when Bucky was working on his new book. He took you to art shows, introduced you to important people and you visited art supply stores together, which annoyed Bucky more than he thought possible.

He felt stuck in a Garfunkel and Oates song, praying for Steve to go away.

I could've wished a thousand wishes for Steve to disappear.

Worst of all, Bucky was snappy with you. Especially after he inadvertently overheard you and Natasha talking about Steve. You painted a vivid picture of Steve’s ass. Figuratively of course, though Bucky couldn’t be certain that you didn’t have hundreds of notebooks filled with drawings of Steve’s ass.

“Hey, stranger.”

He looked up when you walked into his study carrying a tray with his breakfast –coffee and two slices of toasted white bread with butter and jam. You left the tray on a pile of papers and closed the door behind you.

“I was wondering about you, since you didn’t show up for breakfast.” You stood behind him and worked your fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and let you massage his scalp, the tension slowly leaving his body. “Something’s bothering you. I can tell.”

Bucky was so relaxed that his filter was non-existent. “Yeah, Steve’s bothering me. He stole my angel.”

“He can’t steal a mythical creature.”

“You’re my angel,” he half-moaned when you applied pressure to his scalp.

“I haven’t been feeling like your angel lately,” you said, giving him another squeeze before you let go of his head. You took a seat on the armchair close to his desk. “You’re... I don’t know. You’re moody and irritated, and I don’t know how to help you. I know you don’t like surprises, and Steve showing up out of nowhere and staying here was a pretty huge surprise. It’s difficult to cope with change but I think you’re acting a little weird. I swear, Bucky, sometimes you look at Steve like you want to kill him. Is it because we spend time without you?”

Bucky straightened up in his seat and took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “Yeah, I guess. You two are having fun and I’m stuck here, alone.”

“You feel left out.”

“A bit,” he replied earnestly. “But if you like him, you should go for it. He’s a good-looking guy, he’s nice. He’s also a dumbass but that’s part of his charm.”

You laughed. “What? Why are you telling me this?”

“I heard you and Natasha,” Bucky explained, blushing. “You said, and I quote: ‘he's got an ass you can bounce quarters off of.’”

You burst out laughing. “Oh, Bucky.”

“What? I’m just sayin’ if that’s what you wanna do... I’ll give you a bunch of quarters.”

“No, thanks,” you laughed. “I’m good. I keep my quarters for something else.”

Bucky speared you with a suspicious look. “So you don’t think his ass is like a juicy peach.” He blinked. “Also a direct quote.”

“Oh, no, I stand by what I said. His ass is so-” you lifted your hands and made a squeezing motion “-tight.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” he rushed to say. “It’s not that impressive. Anyone can do squats. I do squats.”

“Fishing for compliments?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. You looked at him with a fond smile. “Eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He reached for a slice of bread and bit into it, focusing his attention on his laptop screen. You got to your feet and walked to the door.

“Oh, um, by the way, how much of that conversation did you hear?” you asked, leaning against the half-open door.

“Not much, I left after the juicy peach thing.”

You hummed while nodding, your eyes cast down. When you looked up at him, a glint of something mischievous shone in your eyes. “You should have stayed a little longer,” you said enigmatically, your eyes roaming shamelessly over his body.

You raised your eyebrows and closed the door behind you, leaving Bucky speechless and confused. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” he shouted, hoping you could hear him through the closed door. “Angel? Come back!”

Needless to say he didn’t write much after that.

Bucky made a conscious effort to stop being an asshat. A week later, he was in a better mood, and only glared at Steve twice –the first time when Steve put his hand on your knee and the second when he made a vaguely flirtatious remark.  

You let Steve and Bucky handle the dirty dishes, and Bucky was sure you did it on purpose. Your little smug smile said as much. Steve didn’t seem happy, he had never liked household chores and probably only did the dishes to spend time with you.

Bucky remembered Steve’s childhood bedroom; shades always down, his bed perpetually unmade, and a monster pile of clean and dirty clothes on his desk chair. He remembered Sarah’s exasperated sigh whenever she entered her son’s bedroom. It made him laugh.

Bucky had always been a neat person, something his mom always took pride in. ‘Look at my son who does his own laundry and sets the table without being asked. Look how well I raised him!’ After his accident, cleaning became an obsession, a way of controlling something that was uncontrollable.

“Did you get Sam’s text?” Steve asked, tossing the now-wet towel on the counter. “Emergency brunch tomorrow at 10.”

“Yeah, I know. Sam has a loose understanding of the word ‘emergency’. Last time he wanted to know if he could pull off a goatee. Not exactly an emergency.”

“Mhh,” Steve replied, thinking. “Are you coming?”

“Hell yeah,” Bucky chucked, “I wanna know what this new emergency is.”

Steve cast him a sideways glance while leaning his back against the kitchen counter. He mulled over something as he watched his friend clean the sink.

“So, um,” Steve started awkwardly. “I have a date tomorrow.”

Bucky’s hand faltered a bit. “Ah? With who?”

Steve looked toward your bedroom door and let out a very loud sigh. “A real-life angel, Buck.”

Bucky let go of the sponge and straightened up abruptly. He glared at Steve, hoping he’d heard him wrong. “What did you just say?”

“I have a date tomorrow night so you’ll have the place to yourself.” Steve smiled to his friend, blissfully unbothered. “I think I’ve been invading your personal space. You always look upset so I thought this would be a great idea. And I’ve been alone for so long, I need... relief you know.”

“Awesome,” Bucky replied, gritting his teeth.

“Great, I’m glad you see it that way,” Steve said, grabbing Bucky’s shoulder and squeezing gently. “See you tomorrow, Buck.”

He watched Steve walk to his bedroom and close the door behind him. Something inside him cracked, and he felt the overwhelming urge to throw something, watch it break into tiny pieces.

He took a deep breath and went in search of you instead. He found you upstairs in your studio, kneeling in front of a canvas, the handle of a pair of pliers in your mouth. It took you a few seconds to acknowledge his presence, and Bucky grinned when you let out a little shocked gasp.

“Did you have fun washing the dishes with Steve?” you teased, taking the pliers out of your mouth.

“I think we need a dishwasher.” He walked into the room and squatted down on his haunches next to you. “Whatcha doing?”

“I’m removing the staples on the stretcher bars so I can roll up the canvas and put it in a tube,” you said. “This way they’re protected and I can carry them pretty easily. I have a meeting with a gallerist tomorrow. Apparently Steve knows her well. He mentioned my name and she wants to see my work.”

“That’s amazing, angel,” Bucky exclaimed. “How can I help?”

“I’m almost done. I just need to finish this one. Can you grab that sheet of plastic on the desk? We’ll wrap it in it and then we’ll use a piece of canvas for extra protection.”

He followed your instructions and made sure not to ruin your hard work. Once the canvas was in the tube, you placed it against the wall next to two similar tubes. Then you cleaned up and put away your tools.

“I don’t know if Steve told you but-”

“Yes, I know,” Bucky cut you off. “The date. It’s great. Honestly.”

“Yeah.” You lowered your gaze and studied your shaking hands, unable to meet his eyes. “Listen, I was thinki-”

“I really need some time to myself anyway,” he talked over you. “So it’s great, y’know? We all get what we want.”

“I guess,” you replied. “It’s getting late, I should go to bed.”

“Getting up bright and early tomorrow, uh?” The jovial tone in his voice sounded forced, even to his ears. You nodded mechanically. “Well, good night.”

“Good night.”

You both stood unmoving, staring at each other. Your eyes were asking for something, pleading with him, but he was too lost to understand. He was lost in his own feelings, remembering something Sam had said a while ago.

There’s an entire world between like and love.

And it was true.

Like was doing the dishes with you. It was laughing and screaming while you chased each other around the living room, using fairy lights as lassos. Like was booping your nose when you watched him cook dinner. It was speaking gibberish after watching a foreign film.

Love was that sweet agony that made him feel more alive than he had ever felt. It was letting you hold his hand and play with his fingers even though his nose felt itchy. Love was seeing you wrap his bow tie around your wrist like a bracelet. It was walking around a deserted planetarium with you.

Love was the colour of your favourite lipstick; Carter Red.

“Thanks for your help,” you said, interrupting his train of thought.

“My pleasure.” He tried to smile but it hurt.

Everything made sense now. His crankiness and irritability, his sudden aversion to his oldest friend, the one who had saved his life. The one who had asked you out on a date –or so it seemed.

“Sweet dreams...” he paused, considering, then used your name instead of your usual pet name.

He had no right to call you ‘angel’ anymore. Steve had asked you out first, he had asked Bucky multiple times if he was okay with that, and Bucky’s answers had always been a gritted ‘yes’.

The truth was, his epiphany didn’t change anything. He wouldn’t have asked you out because there was too much at stake: your friendship, your livelihood, your career, the well-being of your family. He couldn’t put you in an uncomfortable position, couldn’t ruin your hard work.

And he was terrified of these feelings. They were too new, too raw.

You pinched your lips together and nodded, avoiding his eyes. He clenched his jaw hard, hating the resigned look on your face. Why did you look so defeated? Without saying anything, you walked past him and left the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Part 9

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagines #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel imagine #bucky barnes imagine #redgillanwrites #redgillan

[fanfic-me-up]

Tiramisu for Two || Bakugou Katsuki

Synopsis: It’s your five year anniversary and you both agreed: no gifts and no surprises. But when has Bakugou Katsuki ever played by the rules?

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: M/E+, 18+, smut, food kink, finger sucking

A/N: This is for @bnhabookclub​ bingo event! Bingo Slot: Finger Sucking

Thank you @unbreakableeiji​ and @royal-after-dark​ for beta reading! 

Tagging: @keigod​

“I’m home!” 

You slip your shoes and coat off, getting comfortable after a long day’s work. It’s your five year anniversary with Katsuki and you both agreed: no gifts and no surprises. Honestly, you’re perfectly okay with that because you’ve been stressing at work since getting promoted and adding the pressure of anniversary planning to your endless list of things to do would only make you in more desperate need of a massage. 

You expect Katsuki to be cooking dinner like he usually does on his early days, but you find the kitchen empty and no sign of your boyfriend anywhere else in the apartment. You know he’s home because you saw his car.

“Baby?” You call out.

You jump when your vision goes black, a satin blindfold wrapped around your head and tied in the back.

“I thought we said no surprises?” You pout as a hand guides you to the… backyard? You slightly stumble into something and a deep chuckle vibrates against your back. A husky voice whispers in your ear.

“I’ve got you.”

A sense of relief and the beginnings of a heat flood through you at once. Relief because you can finally confirm that yes, it is your boyfriend, and not some serial killer leading you to your doom. And heat because… well, you don’t need to explain that one.

You’re met with a calm breeze brushing your skin and you know you’ve made it outside. Hands untie the knot and the blindfold falls. You gasp as you take in the beautifully decorated garden before you - from the candles to the mouthwatering food to the cozy set up on the grass with sparkling champagne in the middle.

“Happy anniversary, princess.” 

You turn around to see Katsuki giving you that soft smile only reserved for you. He caresses your cheek with his thumb, and you close your eyes, getting lost in the feeling of such a simple touch. He leans down, planting a tender kiss on your lips. It’s the first time he’s touched you since this morning so you allow yourself to melt into the kiss.

But if he thinks he’s getting away with breaking the rules, he’s got another thing coming.

You pull away from his hold to give him a pointed look.

“We said no gifts and no surprises.” You cross your arms so you can let him know that you’re very “serious.” 

Katsuki leans back with his hands in his pockets to give you a pointed look. 

“Babe, how long have we known each other?”

“Eight years?” You have no idea where he’s going with this.

“And in those eight years, when have I ever honestly played by the rules?”

He’s got a point, and he knows it judging by the smirk. Cocky bastard. You roll your eyes.

“Fine. But it’s gonna take a lot more than this to woo me,” you say just to bring his ego down a notch, even though this is seriously one of the sweetest things ever. 

His fingers ghost over the small of your back. You shiver at the breath tickling the shell of your ear.

“Wait till you see what I got for dessert.”

A tray filled with an array of delicious desserts from chocolate-covered strawberries to pints of your favorite flavored ice cream is brought out as your boyfriend places it on the blanket. You involuntarily lick your lips in anticipation for the sweetness about to be bestowed upon your lips. You immediately go for one for the strawberries, but not before he grabs your hand.

“Let me.” He takes one of the strawberries in his own hand, and places it at the tip of your lips. You flush as you open your mouth to take a bite, the juice running down the back of your throat. Katsuki remains eye contact with you, and you realize that it’s not enough, so you begin to lick the remaining juices that slide down his fingers. Your tongue slides down wherever you can reach, coating his thick fingers with your spit. His crimson eyes darken at the action, taking in every trace of movement, as you foreshadow what’s to come.

“Damn, baby girl, you’re really beggin’ for a taste, aren’t ya?”

Heat swirls inside the pit of your stomach, and you crave the delicious ending that’s to come. You bite your lip in anticipation as Katsuki dips his finger in the ice cream that’s begging to be licked off. He brings it to your lips and you open your mouth, like the good girl you are, and lick every bit of it. 

Whoever said vanilla was a boring flavor can suck it as you moan at the taste. Katsuki is enjoying the show you put on because he makes sure to deepen his finger to hit the back of your throat. You choke at the sensation, but you take it in earnest, tears already pricking at the corner of your eyes, as he continues to fuck the back of your throat with his hand.

It’s over too soon as his fingers retreat, a coat of spit connecting his finger to your wanton lips. You’re drawn like a magnet, leaning in, but he pulls away and takes the can of whipped cream in his hand and coats his finger with that instead. You can’t help the way your tongue swipes over your lips, entranced by the way the puff of whipped cream lands perfectly on top of his index finger.

He probes your mouth, getting your lower lip messy with whipped cream, “Be a good girl and open up, yeah… just like that,” he says as you obediently open your mouth.

You make sure to indulge your boyfriend, to immerse him in the fantasy, because it’s what he deserves. He planned this amazing event for your anniversary and you feel indebted, wanting to do whatever you can to repay him. 

You close your eyes, completely immersed in the feeling of Katsukis’ fingers feeling their way into your mouth. You explore every inch, knowing the danger these hands possess, yet the heat between your thighs flares at the idea of sparks crackling in the palms of his hands.

A cute little flush dots your cheeks as you look up at your boyfriend, swirling your tongue along the ridge of his knuckle. Katsuki groans at the sight of your puckered lips, spit dribbling down the side of your mouth, and your eyes glazed over like he’s already fucked you. 

But the night’s just begun. 

You can’t help but moan as Katsuki rips off his leather jacket, throwing you down on the ground. 

“What’d ya wanna try next, baby girl?” 

All you can do is moan at the question. He grunts at the lack of response, pulling his fingers out of your mouth, and you groan at the loss.

“I asked you a question,” he snarls, a dangerous glint creeping onto his face that you never want to be on the end of. You obediently answer his question.

“Tira… tiramisu. I wanna try the tiramisu, please…” you whimper. 

“Good girl,” he praises, dipping two of his slick fingers coated with your spit into the tiramisu that’s sitting prettily on the plate. 

The combination of cream and cocoa powder engulfs your taste buds and you take everything he has to offer, lapping every dip and ridge between his fingers with vigor. You whine when he pulls his fingers out with a pop. He reaches for the can of whipped cream and you’re suddenly hit with the cool sensation of fluff on the crook of your neck. A hot, thick tongue drags up your neck, lapping every inch of whipped cream. You moan when Katsuki sucks at your neck, knowing full well you’re going to wake up with his mark tomorrow morning. A similar slick coats your thighs, and you clench them together in hopes that it will quench the thirst begging to be satiated. 

Katsuki stops his ministrations on your neck to glance down at your thighs. He sends you a devilish smirk and no matter how many times you’ve fucked, you always feel a sense of fluttering excitement as if it were your first.

“Someone’s likin’ this a little too much…” he grinds against the inside of your thigh and you can’t help the desperate moan that escapes your whipped-cream covered lips. He makes it a point to spit directly onto your closed mouth before swiping his tongue to clean up the mess he made. 

Your lips are soaked in his spit by the time he’s finished and the way he continues to grind against your cloth-covered clit makes you buck up to meet his hips. 

He shoves his fingers into your mouth to silence your moans. You’re grateful, because the neighbors could easily pop their heads and witness the debauchery taking place. 

Your thighs are now drenched in your slick as Katsuki continues to fuck your thighs, but before you or him can finish- he wretches your thighs apart and you whine at the sudden lack of friction.

He chuckles darkly, “Oh princess…”, forcing the tip of his thumb into your mouth, “it’s adorable how you think it’s gonna be that fuckin’ easy…”

Your heart stutters, having no idea what your boyfriend has planned, but you don’t have time to think about it as he wretches your jaw open- his other hand coming up to thumb your already hardened nipple. You moan as he rubs and pinches your areola, but it’s muffled as he shoves two fingers into your mouth. You close your eyes, completely in love with the saccharine taste of honeycomb dripping off Katsuki’s fingers. He pulls them out much too soon for your liking and you make this known as you whine, making grabby hands for his thick fingers. He chuckles with no remorse at your desperation.

“I got somethin’ special planned inside.” 

You let him lead you to the bedroom, completely forgetting about the rules of no gifts and no surprises. 

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou smut #bakugou katsuki smut #bnha x reader #bnha smut #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #mha #bnha #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #mha smut #bakugou katsuki imagine #bakugou katsuki scenarios