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moisesmyles · 1 year

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Cody, drunk: Obi-Waaaaan! I sure hope I don't slip with some macaroni and fall ass first on your lightsabeeeer.

Rex: Sounds like you actually want to fall on the lightsaber…

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marvel-lous-guy · 1 year

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Peter: Man, last night was so embarrasing

Tony: Peter, you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, these things happen all the time

Peter: I am not ashamed Tony. I am embarrassed. Ashamed is what your parents are of you, embarrassed is what you feel when Friday opens the wrong window and you splat onto a window outside the communal floor of the tower and all the Avengers see you and you know they will never respect you and will always see you as the spiderkid that went splat

Harley: itsy bitsy spider went up the tower side, closed was the window then splat he almost died

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criminalmindsfanantic · 1 year

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Derek driving The Girls TM (JJ, Em, Pen) back to Quantico after Pen just gotten broken up with over text

JJ: you deserve better than him pen!

Emily: yes! you are a strong independent woman and you don’t need a man to hold you back

Garcia: i know, i-i just… *resumes sobbing*

JJ *rubbing garcia’s back*: there you go, let it all out

*truth hurts by lizzo starts playing*

Penelope: *momentarily stops crying*

Emily and JJ look at each other confused

Emily: derek, what are you doing

Derek *just smiles and starts singing*: “why men great ‘til they gotta be great? wooh”

Garcia: *cracks a smile*

Derek *really hamming it up*: “i just took a dna test, turns out im 100% that bitch even when im crying crazy”

Garcia: *lets out a small laugh*

JJ and Emily shrug and laugh too

Derek: come on mama, sing it

Garcia *singing weakly*: “yeah i got boy problems, that the human in me, bling bling, then i solve ‘em that’s the goddess in me*

Derek *turning it up*:

Garcia *slowly getting louder*: you coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal, help you with your career just a little*

JJ *joining in*: “you’re supposed to hold me down”

Emily: “but you’re holding me back”

Garcia *wiping away her tears with determination*: and that’s the sound of me not calling YOU back!

Derek: attagirl!

Emily: that’s it!

All Four *now singing at the top of their lungs with the music blasting*: WHY MEN GREAT ‘TIL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT! DON’T TEXT ME TELL IT STRAIGHT TO MY FACE!

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datlokibumtho · 3 months

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I am sorry, my wonderful fiancé, but i have a confession to make.

Deep in my soul, I wish that Kotoha had either never found out Douma ate people or had been like, "ok but people are trash and junk food is going to go straight to all your toned bits and stay there until you die so maintain proper portion control and watch your waistline. "

Despite the fact that i think Douma is a dickwaffle, I am fully supportive of their little "family" they had going there, and nothing will change that course.

I just love that he was as close to fond of her as someone with no true concept of what emotions feel like could get and wanted her around enough so that he was willing to deal with a baby he had no true connection to hanging around 24/7.

To be fair, me thinking Kotoha should have gotten a happy ending and died of old age after a peaceful lifetime of being safe and cared about and being a mom to a son that got to live as normal a life as possible might also be influencing this opinion as well.

I have no idea at all if this counts as me shipping them, and i am aware of the potential for toxicity the situation has, but it's still how I feel about it.

I apologize for nothing.

#looks and singing voice are the only reason people like taylor swift and we just nod along with that shit #kotoha deserved better #she was doing her best #douma is trash #i still wanted them to be happy though #funny #anime #manga #incorrect quotes #demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba #incorrect demon slayer quotes #incorrect kimetsu no yaiba quotes #doma kny #kny douma #doma #douma #kotoha hashibira

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z-mizcellaneous-z · 2 years

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uraraka: I'M TOO HOT uraraka: *points at todoroki* uraraka: :D uraraka: :D uraraka: :D todoroki: *sighs* todoroki [monotone with deadpan expression]: hot damn uraraka: CALL THE POLICE AND THE FIRE MAN

#uraraka x todoroki friendship #i could also totally see kaminari doing this #bnha #mha #bnha funny #mha funny #bnha incorrect quotes funny #bnha incorrect quotes #mha incorrect quotes #mha incorrect quotes funny #todoroki suffering lol #this gives me the same vibes as people sing hot n cold by katy perry whenever todoroki walks into a room #mizismiz

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abeltownshipslittlebitch · 1 year

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Sam: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?

Tom: Merry crisis.

Five: Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Single all the way!

Peter: Hoe hoe hoe.

Sam: Guys please

@dorkylittleweirdo

#poor Sam lol #funny thing is my five loves Christmas #but she’s still sing that #zombies run #zr #incorrect zr quotes #runner five #runners five #sam yao #incorrect zombies run quotes #samyao #peter lynne #tom de luca

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incorrect-aio-quotes · 2 years

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[Tamika & Marvin trying to write a song together]

Tamika: Thrice?! Who says "thrice"?!

Marvin: It's a word.

Tamika: So is intrauterine. It does not belong in a song.

#incorrect adventures in odyssey quotes #adventures in odyssey #tamika washington #marvin washington #source: golden girls #not sure how true to character this is but this exchange is too funny not to use and i couldnt think of anyone else who would be #writing a sing in odyssey #song*

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incorrectrockyandshockyquotes · 1 year

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Farley after his song: Guys, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.

#incorrect quotes #shock treatment #incorrect shock treatment quotes #farley flavours #I love Farley’s song tbh XD #Just thought this was funny #source: invader zim #Alternatively he tells Cosmo to be more quiet and let the others sing too #Once again I can barely hear anyone in the chorus who isn’t Richard #Are Rik and Pat even singing in that song???#I can’t hear them at all

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luxthestrange · 3 months

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OP Incorrect quotes#27 Sticky notes

Y/n: Our Captain figured out he can put sticky notes on people’s backs

Y/n: He doesn’t know they’re supposed to say stuff like “kick me” so they only have compliments about the person he is sticking on them

Luffy happily puts a sticky note on everyone, Happy Silly guy giggles as he does it with so much secrecy

In order crewmate's compliment notes:

Zoro: COOLEST BEST SWORDMAN, Best friend! , His my buddy, The next greatest swordsman in the world-

Nami: Smart!, Scary but nice!, Best navigator!, her maps are pretty-VERY VERY SMART WITH MONEY

Ussop: WARRIOR OF THE SEA, good storyteller, funny,The best sniper, his girlfriend is nice too-

Sanji: BEST COOK IN THE WORLD, his food is yummy,abit scary but kindest dude, I can't live without his food!, cute eyebrows

Chopper: Cutest Doctor, Little brother, Cuddle buddy!, DEPENDABLE DOCTOR!, I won't eat him!

Robin: Big sis vibes! , SMART #2, She reads me stories, Im happy you're alive!, She shares food with me!

Franky: COOLEST ROBOT!, BIG BRO ENERGY!, SUPER GUY, cola king, our shipwright genius, Pervert

Brook: Cool grandpa, Best musician, I like how you sing!, You're the soul of our ship! , ENCORE ENCORE ENCORE!, He sings the best lullabies

Jimbe: My savior, Fishmen are friends not enemies, Thank you for helping me, Im glad you joined, Knight of the Sea!, MARTIAL ARTS MASTER!

What other compliments do you guys think he give em?

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ryemiffie · 1 month

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More stuff from my day as bat bros incorrect quotes cause I think it's funny:

Dick: Yeah you look like you have mommy issues.

Jason: Yeah well you look like you've learned not to sing in the shower cause little birds kept trying to fly through the window and dying upon impact with the glass.

Dick: What does that mean??!

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travlersjoy444 · 1 year

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2012 Raph x reader Incorrect Quotes

Uhm...mostly, that is. There's a few that are just random TMNT 2012 incorrect quotes. This was very fun for me. Might do it again sometime if the mood strikes.

***

(Y/N), skipping rocks on a lake with Raph: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Raph: Yeah, it is.

Raph: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake.

***

(Y/N): Why does Leo always do the laundry so loudly?

Raph: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.

Leo, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

***

Raph: You’re giving me a sticker?

Mikey: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Raph: I’m not a preschooler.

Mikey: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Raph: I earned this, back off.

***

Raph: Why am I always the bad guy?

(Y/N): Well, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

***

(Y/N): Is Raph always like this when they lose?

Mikey: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the fabled 'Great Jenga Tantrum'.

Raph: yOU BUMPED THAT TABLE AND YOU KNOW IT!

***

(Y/N): Hey, wanna help me commit arson?

Leo: What the hell!?

(Y/N): Oh, sorry, my bad.

(Y/N), whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?

Leo, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

***

Casey: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?

Raph: Not again...

Casey: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.

(Y/N): Just wait until you hear about whales.

Casey: What now?

***

Casey on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.

Casey on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

***

(Y/N): When I met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Raph: What changed your mind?

(Y/N): Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

***

Leo: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.

Raph, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.

(Y/N), who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Raph: Coming right up.

***

Casey: It’s funny how well you and Raph get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?

(Y/N): Raph hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

***

Casey: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Donnie: No, that's not how you make cookies.

(Y/N): FLOOR IT!!

Casey: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

Donnie: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Casey: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Raph: DO IT!

Donnie: NO-

***

Raph: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

(Y/N): What the hell do you do?

Raph: I die? What kinda question…

***

(Y/N): I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Raph: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

(Y/N): You don’t have to wear…

Raph: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

***

Raph: *sneaking in through their window*

Leo: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Raph: I was with (Y/N)?

(Y/N): *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

***

Raph, at (Y/N)'s funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone: Of course. *They leave*

Raph, leaning over (Y/N)′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

(Y/N): Yeah, no shit.

***

Raph: (Y/N), I don't like you.

(Y/N): What did you say?

Raph: You heard me!

(Y/N), internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

***

*(Y/N) sneezes*

Raph: (Y/N), are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*Donnie sneezes*

Raph: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

***

(Y/N): Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Raph: ...So...as enemies??

(Y/N):

***

Raph: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

(Y/N): It was me...

Raph: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

***

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

(Y/N): What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

(Y/N): Oh my god, you have Raph.

***

Raph: I want to kiss you.

(Y/N), not paying attention: What?

Raph: I said if you die, I won't miss you.

***

*(Y/N) is crying after a breakup*

Raph: There there, (Y/N).

(Y/N), still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?

Raph: Great question—

***

Raph: *yawns*

(Y/N): Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Raph: Then you must be exhausted.

Leo: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

***

Raph: Watcha doin?

(Y/N): Stealing my neighbour’s cat.

Raph: Scandalous.

Raph: Can I help?

***

(Y/N): Come on, Leo. Nobody actually believes that Raph is in love with me.

Leo, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Raph is helplessly in love with (Y/N).

*Everyone raises their hand*

(Y/N): Raph, put your hand down.

***

(Y/N): Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Raph: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

(Y/N): Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Leo, on a walkie talkie: This is Leo, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

***

Mikey: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Raph: Screw that, I’m not kissing anyone.

*(Y/N) walks in*

Raph: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

***

Raph: If you want my advice-

Donnie: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.

Raph: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me.

(Y/N): It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

***

Casey: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Raph: Throw rocks at he.

Mikey: Hot Dogs.

(Y/N): Kill him.

Casey: Thanks guys.

***

Leo: Why do you look like that?

Raph, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Leo: Like you’re dead.

Raph: It’s because I’m dying. Fuck off.

Casey: Raph accidentally called (Y/N) “babe” in front of everyone today.

Raph: *sobs into the floor*

***

(Y/N): I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Raph: Um...Neat.

*later*

Raph, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Donnie. Who the fuck says neat these days?

It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Donnie, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Raph. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Casey confessed their love for me?

Raph: Didn't you thank them?

Donnie: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked them.

***

(Y/N): How would you like your coffee?

Raph: As dark as my soul.

(Y/N): Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

***

(Y/N): Raph, I need some advice.

Raph: You need advice from ME?

(Y/N): Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

***

(Y/N): *sighs* I have no friends...

Raph:

Raph: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

***

Leo: You need to stop swearing so much.

Raph: Shut the fuck up.

Leo: Yeah, that's not how you do it.

Raph: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.

Leo: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.

Raph: Shit the beep up.

Leo:

Raph: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

***

Raph: *is throwing stones at (Y/N)'s window*

(Y/N): You have a phone for a reason, Raph!

*THUD*

(Y/N): DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

#tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph x reader #raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph #2k12 raph x reader #2k12 raph

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auseryoumayknow · 9 months

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EVEN MORE HERMIT INCORRECT QUOTES

ZombieCleo: You are an absolute fucking dork. Bdubs, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork! ZombieCleo: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

Bdubs, answering the phone: Hello? Etho: It’s Etho. Bdoubs: What did they do this time? Etho: No, it’s me, Etho. It’s actually me. Bdubs: What did you do this time?

PearlescentMoon: Say no to drugs. Xisuma: Say yes to drugs. GeminiTay: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.

MumboJumbo: Hey, if you type in your password, it'll show in stars. MumboJumbo: ********* see! GeminiTay: hunter2 GeminiTay: Doesn't look like stars to me. MumboJumbo: GeminiTay: ******* MumboJumbo: That's what I see. GeminiTay: Oh, really? MumboJumbo: Absolutely. GeminiTay: You can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2. GeminiTay: Haha, does that look funny to you? MumboJumbo: Lol, yes. See when YOU type hunter2, it shows it to us as ******* GeminiTay: That's cool. I didn't know this site did that. MumboJumbo: Yup. No matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* GeminiTay: Awesome. GeminiTay: Wait, how do you know my password? MumboJumbo: Er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause it's your password. GeminiTay: Oh, ok

Grian: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Docm77: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Grian: Th-that's not how that works-

Grian: Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat? Scar: I don’t usually eat with losers. Grian: Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

#hermitcraft #Grian #mumbo jumbo #gtwscar #docm77 #xisumavoid #pearlecentmoon #Geminitay #geminislay #bdubleo #Ethoslab #zombiecleo

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honey-stars12318272 · 5 months

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even more criminal minds incorrect quotes

Prentiss: Are you a masochist or a sadist? Gidian, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.

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Hotch: Guys it’s a shooting star, let’s make a wish! Reid: I wish for good grades. Morgan: Nerd. Reid: Nevermind, I wish upon the shooting star to fall down at a 30° velocity aiming for Morgan. :) Hotch: Reid…

——————————————————————————————————

Reid: Some people are like slinkies. Morgan: What? Reid: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Morgan: Morgan: Please don't push JJ down the stairs. Reid, pushing JJ down the stairs: Too late.

——————————————————————————————————

Hotch: I can't believe you've done this….. Reid: I'm sorry I didn't know-! Hotch, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

——————————————————————————————————

Prentiss, trying to comfort JJ: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

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at a zoo Reid: What are they in for? Hotch: Reid, this isn't prison. Reid: So they can leave? Hotch: No, but- Reid, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

——————————————————————————————————

Garcia: Okay happy campers! If you were a fruit what would you be and why? Reid: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group. Garcia: … Reid: … Garcia: OKAY HAPPY CAMPERS-

——————————————————————————————————

Morgan: Your smile? It makes my day. Reid: Your happiness? I live for that. JJ: A room? Get one. Garcia: Hotel? Trivago.

——————————————————————————————————

Prentiss: Hey, Joe said he's coming over this afternoon. Reid: Cool. Prentiss: Do you know who Joe is? Reid: JOE MAMA! JJ, not even looking up from her phone: Damn, that backfired.

——————————————————————————————————

The bau is playing Chess Reid: easily beats everyone because they know how to play Morgan: doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway Hotch: doesn’t know the rules, and loses Prentiss: knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t JJ: Actually, you can’t do that, because I said so. Garcia: They named a board game after cheese?

——————————————————————————————————

Prentiss: Do you know that we are made out of atoms? Prentiss: And atoms never touch each other. Prentiss: So in my defense, officer. I did not punch this kid.

——————————————————————————————————

Morgan: WHO THE F**K ATE MY BREAD

Morgan: I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I FIND OUT WHO DID I WILL F**KING KI-

Reid: I did

Morgan: kiss you, you haven’t been eating enough lately<3

*Morgan walks away*

Reid: He’s gone

Garcia mouth full of bread and muffled: thank you!

——————————————————————————————————

Hotch: Something’s off. Prentiss: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people. Hotch: No, but that’s funny.

——————————————————————————————————

Reid: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces. Reid: waves their finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro

——————————————————————————————————

Reid: I wish I was a dinosaur. Hotch: Why? Cause they're big and scary? Reid: no because they're dead.

#aaron hotchner #derek morgan #emily prentiss #moreid #spencer reid #jenifer jareau #penelope garcia #Emily prentiss #jason gideon #criminal minds #The bau #behaviour analysis unit

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bisexual-queenie · 6 months

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Could you please write more BNHA Pro Heroes as Incorrect Quotes. I need a Pt.2

OMG Im so happy that someone wanted a part 2 to one of my favorite posts that I made!! Here yall go!

(Few trigger warnings before we begin: Use if swearing, and mentions of violence an alcohol. Let me know if I missed anything!)

Ships mentioned (Vaugley and outright): Erasermic, Edgejeanist, Nightmight, and Kamui x Mount Lady

—————————————————————————

Eraserhead: You have to apologize to Takeyama.

Midnight: Fine.

Midnight: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

All Might: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Nighteye: Thank you!

All Might: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Nighteye: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Present Mic: Do you remember that horrible roommate you had back in college?

Eraserhead: You mean you?

Mount Lady: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Kamui Woods: Wha-

Mount Lady: And then I remember that I won't be able to see you if I do.

Kamui Woods: *blushes*

———————————————————————

Best Jeanist: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Edgeshot: Good for you.

Miruko: Do I look nice?

Fat Gum: You look like you're about to set someone on fire.

Miruko: Perfect.

Present Mic: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Miruko: And you know what the worst part is?

Ryukyuu: That you're having to process your pain without vodka?

Miruko: No.

Miruko: Yeah.

Midnight: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?

Eraserhead: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.

Present Mic: Something illegal.

Shirakumo: Accept my fate.

Tensei: I would message ten people saying that if they didn't forward the message to 10 other people, I would die tomorrow.

Eraserhead: What?

Shirakumo: That's fucking awesome. Can I change my answer?

Eraserhead: Hizashi, just GO TO THE HOSPITAL

Present Mic: Who's stab wound is this???? Is it OUR stab wound???? No! Stay out of it!

Hawks: I'm the proud owner of an IQ of 5 (and a half)!

Endeavor: Not for long.

Hawks: Please. It's all I have.

Present Mic: "Ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I'm falling asleep already.

Present Mic: "Cowards", on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun. Short and to the point, exciting, and dramatic.

Nighteye: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Present Mic: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

Gang Orca: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Edgeshot: Kuugo, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Gang Orca: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.

Edgeshot: Well, I mean yeah.

Gang Orca: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Best Jeanist: Wait, you just made them?

Gang Orca: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.

Edgeshot: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Kuugo.

Present Mic: *speaking Spanish*

Eraserhead: I know, I know.

All Might: You speak Spanish?

Eraserhead: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Hizashi speaks.

All Might: I would never say that Mirai is a bitch and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true…Mirai is a bitch and I like him so much!

Edgeshot: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

*Present Mic sneezes*

Eraserhead: Hizashi, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*anyone else sneezes*

Eraserhead: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Hawks: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Miruko: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.

Fat Gum: Hey Sasaki?

Nighteye: Yeah?

Fat Gum: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Nighteye:

Nighteye: ...What.

Ryukyuu: So, what's it like living with Hakamada?

Edgeshot: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Ryukyuu: ...

Edgeshot: I love them so much.

Fat Gum: I’m sorry, I really flew off the handle back there. It was like the handle was a bald guy going really fast, and I was his toupée.

Someone interviewing the Lurkers: What are the hardest things to say?

Mount Lady: I was wrong.

Edgeshot: I need help.

Kamui Woods: Worcestershire sauce.

Eraserhead: You’re drunk.

Present Mic: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Shouta.

Endeavor: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Hawks: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Best Jeanist: I got distracted halfway through.

Edgeshot: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Hawks: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

All Might: Schrödinger's boys.

Miruko: FUCK!

Present Mic: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Nighteye: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Nighteye: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Hawks: ...

All Might: ...

Miruko: ...

Present Mic: ...

Nighteye: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

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rainiishowers · 3 months

Text

Obey Me As Incorrect Quotes Tumblr Posts

A/N: I thought I'd add a little spice to my incorrect quotes, that's the only reason. They may be worded differently for different reasons If you recognize any of these you get one of my home made treats ---- Diavolo: Being happier has been triple legalized! Fun times are coming soon!! MC: Is.. Is that a threat?? Diavolo: Yes!! ---- Satan, in one of his moods: What's a mob to a king, what's a king to a god, what's a god to a non believer, what's a non believer to a poisonous dart frog?? Asmodeus: What's a poisonous dart frog to a king? Mammon: What's a poisonous dart frog to another poisonous dart frog? MC: A friend :) ---- Solomon: What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their skills in a hotel lobby? Luke: What? Solomon, sing-songy: Chest nuts boasting in an open foyer~ ---- *Lucifer heavily sighs randomly at dinner* Mammon: What's up? Lucifer: The word heck is a combination of "Hell" and "Fuck" yet it is treated as the lamest word when really it's double as bad. MC: Just like how shucks is a combination of "Shit" and "Fuck" and then there is the fact Goofy has been saying it all the damn time ---- Asmodeus: Rules of fashion: You think it's pretty? Wear it. MC: Okay, but I dunno how I'm gonna wear you. Solomon: You clearly haven't read Silence of the Lambs Lucifer, sarcastically: This went to a great place. ----

Diavolo: You heard of alphabet soup, not get ready for.. Diavolo: Times new ramen! MC: I said this to Lucifer once and he left the room just to scream. ---- Luke: If brains are biological computers, why don't we lag? Mammon: You can't tell me you never walked into a room and forgotten why you were there or lost a train of thought for a moment Beelzebub: One day I was walking home from RAD with Belphie and momentarily panicked because I thought Belphie wasn't with me/ ---- Mammon: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Beelzebub: Salads. Because anything could be a salad. There's fruit salad, potato salad. What's stopping you from making pizza salad, or even ice cream salad? All you need to do is cut it up and there you go, it's a salad. Asmodeus: It sounds like you thought about that before Beelzebub: I have, yes. ---- Mammon: Finding a needle in a haystack isn't hard, just burn the hay. Leviathan: Find the hay in the needlestack though. Mammon: Big magnet. MC: See this is why I think y'all are sleeping on Mammon, he thinks of things like this ---- Belphegor: Humans are so funny sometimes. I remember when I was younger, there was this vacant lot in the human world. Whenever one of us broke our toys but didn't want to face the wrath of Lucifer, I took them and buried them in the lot. Some dude tried to develop the land, but got scared at the amount of rotten toys and convinced everyone the land was haunted. Mammon: We should use this opportunity to buy the land.

#obey me shall we date #shall we date obey me #obey me crack #obey me crackpost #obey me brothers #obey me side characters #obey me dateables #tumblr posts

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beels-burger-babe · 1 year

Note

I have more shitposts for you:

Helium.

I want the boys to get 1st hand exposure, to helium voices.

Lucifer would find it ridiculous and wouldn't participate. Would find it amusing when some of his brothers have squeaky voices later on.

Mammon wouldn't understand what it was gonna do to his voice and thought the balloon cursed him. "MC! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY VOICE!?"

Levi will know and would only indulge in private just to know what it does to his voice. Later one balloon is missing. Mc goes searching for it. Levi is found in his Ruri-chan cosplay mid-inhale of helium. Culprit found.

Satan would find it ridiculous but would try it at least once. He would also try to find ways to annoy Lucifer with it/get Lucifer to inhale it. Might steal a balloon for later experimentation. When he's alone, he tries meowing with helium to see what it'd sound like.

Asmo would find it funny but would be too concerned about what it might do to his skin or voice to try it more than once. "Hun, that can't be good for your voice!"

Actually scratch that, he'd experiment singing with helium. This would happen. https://youtu.be/T-vTvFrS2s8

Beel "what's that MC? Sure I'll try Helium" **EATS THE BALLON**. It was very amusing to everyone when they heard Beel's high pitch voice. Beel didn't quite understand what happened to his voice.

Belphie wouldn't care for it. Would only do it to placate MC so they'll let him go back to sleep. Would assist Satan in attempts to get Lucifer on Helium.

Diavolo would find it delightful! Wouldn't understand it. "Barbatos do you hear how high pitched my voice is!?" "Yes, young master". Would also try to get Lucifer to try Helium. **Would have Barbatos buy several tanks of helium, despite the butler's better judgement**

Barbatos find it amusing. But there is no way anyone besides maybe Diavolo can get him to speak with helium. Should've known Diavolo would order many tanks of the gas.

Soloman is all on board, he's down it before and he'll gladly do it again! He will sing with Asmo. And try to get the reactions of everyone he can. Would talk like there is nothing wrong with his voice. Tries to get Barbatos to try Helium. Barbatos does but remains quiet until it wears off. Soloman harasses Luke with his voice.

Simeon finds it amusing to see the others speaking with helium. No shame, like Solomon would continue to talk with the squeaky voice like it's normal.

Chihuahua. Is what everyone already calls Luke, now it's just even more frequent for him to be called Chihuahua. Refuses to touch helium any more than he already has but the damage has been done.

Incorrect quotes on Helium:

"Do you know... the Muffin Man?" Soloman

"The Muffin Man?" Mc

"The Muffin Man." Soloman

"Yes.. I know the Muffin Man... Who lives on Drury Lane?" Mc

"Well, she's married to the Muffin Man." Soloman

"The Muffin Man!?" Mc

"THE MUFFIN MAN!!" Soloman

This is pure crack and madness and I'm not mad about it 🤣🤣

Though I do think Mammon would definitely use the altered voice to do phone scams to people and get their money

#the hive #aks b #bloop the 🦇#b answers #🐝 answers #obey me #omswd

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