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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 8 months

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Girls Can't Drive | Spencer Reid

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: talk of sexual assault, sexual harassment, rape and murder. ends in fluff :-)

Author's note: Loosely based off Girls Can't Drive from Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies, as well as the Season 6 Episode 8 of Brooklyn 99 "He Said She Said".

Words: 3,208

Working a case like this was always hard. But this time around, it seemed to be even tougher to get through for her. Five women had already fallen victim to a rapist. Five women murdered. All five women worked in the same company at one point or another, so it was only logical for the team to look into them.

“Reid, y/n, you’re gonna take the statements from the coworkers,” Hotch ordered when the team was being informed about the case in the briefing room. “Rossi, Kate and I will go to the M.E. Morgan, JJ, you’re to go to the latest crime scene. We’ll be working from here.”

Everyone nodded their agreement before leaving the briefing room and heading out to do their part of the job. Y/N had fallen quiet upon hearing the details of this case. Every case they worked was pretty gruesome, but none ever affected her in the same way this one did. Maybe it was the fact that these women were on their way home from work when they were raped and brutally murdered. Maybe it was the fact it was all happening in Washington D.C., where she herself lived.

Whatever the reason was, her sudden silence hadn’t gotten lost on Spencer, her boyfriend of two years.

“Hey, you doing okay?” he asked when they got in the car and drove to the company.

Y/N offered him a smile that all but convinced him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired, I guess.”

Spencer had let it go, believing that if his girlfriend wanted to tell him what was bothering her, she would. Instead, he focused on the case. The two of them walked into the company’s building, curious to see what they were going to find out about who worked there.

They sat down with the manager, Tomas Ramos, first. Each taking turns, Spencer and y/n asked the man their questions about the victims and if he knew someone on his staff that could’ve done something like this.

“Oh, no,” the guy said, “There’s no one here that could’ve done that. No one here would ever hurt anyone. We’re a very professional company.”

Spencer and y/n thanked the man for his time and sat down with the next person. Tyler, the finance guy. When he was asked if one of his coworkers could do something like this, his words sounded a little too familiar. “Oh, no. There’s no one here that would do that. No one here would hurt anyone. We’re a very professional company.”

Neither one of the agents commented on it until every single one of the employees told them the same thing. Spencer and y/n exchanged glances, which was enough for the both of them to know they were thinking the same thing.

“I think we should talk to the manager again,” y/n suggested and Spencer agreed.

As y/n sat down on one of the chairs in front of his desk, Spencer placed his hands on the backrest. “You told your employees what to tell us,” Spencer pointed out.

Mr. Ramos furrowed his brows, though y/n noticed the twitch of his lips. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re all just honest people who happen to share the same story. Maybe this is just your sign that you’re looking in the wrong place.” His eyes raked across y/n’s body from head to toe, halting for a split second at her decolletage before focusing on Spencer behind her.

“In most cases, when people’s stories are identical, it means they need everyone to get the story straight to hide something,” Spencer said matter-of-factly.

Tomas shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Agents.”

Realizing they weren’t going to get anything else out of Mr. Ramos or any of his employees, Spencer and y/n left the company. There was something about this Mr. Ramos and the way he handled his company that stood out to the couple. They knew he wasn’t speaking the truth and that they were hiding something.

“Do you think it’s him?” Spencer asked when y/n drove them back to the BAU.

Y/N shrugged, sighing. “I don’t know. Every single one of those men was looking at me like I was a piece of meat and the handful of women that work there, looked too scared to say anything. It could literally be anyone working there.”

Together with the team, Spencer and y/n looked into it further. The more they looked, the less sure they were of their profile and theory. Either all of the men in that office were guilty or none of them were and they were looking in the wrong place.

“Y/N,” JJ caught her attention when she and Spencer were looking through the files. The thirty-something looked up at her blonde coworker. “There’s someone here that wants to talk to you. Uh, an employee of Mr. Ramos’.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed as she shot a quick glance at her boyfriend before getting up and following JJ into the family room. A woman, around her own age, sat waiting for her. She was nervous as she picked at the loose skin around her cuticles.

“Amanda?” JJ called out for the woman.

Amanda looked up at the agents, her green eyes wide and filled with fear as she shot up from the small couch. “Agent y/l/n,” she said and shook her hand politely.

Motioning for Amanda to sit down again, y/n took a seat as well. JJ offered her coworker a quick smile before shutting the door to the family room behind her as she left. This seemed like a conversation Amanda wanted to have with y/n alone.

“I know I already talked to you this morning,” Amanda started, hands shaking in her lap. “But I wasn’t entirely honest.”

Y/N’s head tilted slightly as she gave the woman in front of her an inquisitive look. “What do you mean?”

“Tomas told us what to say if there was ever a police investigation of all kinds. He’s…” she took a deep breath. “The office is a very toxic place, especially for women. The women that work there are basically just a token to show the world that Ramos Inc. is inclusive. If it wasn’t for the feminist movement, none of the women would work there.”

“Why do you work there?” Y/N wanted to know.

Shrugging, Amanda heaved in another deep breath. “I’m good at my job, it pays very decently and I love watching those men squirm whenever I fix something they couldn’t.” She let out a soft chuckle at that and y/n couldn’t help but feel a slight sense of pride at this confident woman. “The thing is though… Because I’m so good at my job, these men think I owe them for it or something. Every one of my female coworkers feels the same.”

A shiver went down y/n’s spine. She knew this story all too well.

“Has any of them ever been inappropriate with you?” y/n then asked, but Amanda simply scoffed.

“Which one of them hasn’t?” Y/N stared at Amanda for a moment. There could literally be a guy working at the firm she was working at that raped and murdered five women. “But Andrew is the one you should be looking at.” The words piqued y/n’s interest. “He almost…” Amanda swallowed her words, but y/n didn’t need anything else from her to know this Andrew guy was the one they should be looking at.

“Do you know why he’s still working at the firm?” she asked.

Amanda grimaced. “Because he’s Tomas’ little brother.”

With that information, y/n thanked Amanda and headed out to the briefing room where her coworkers were still working hard on the case. Her brain was going at a hundred miles an hour, trying to piece everything together. Of course it was Andrew Ramos. She and Spencer had talked to him before. He’d given her the creeps then, too. She should’ve felt it.

“It’s Andrew Ramos,” y/n informed her coworkers.

The team did a deep dive into Andrew’s life. Nothing they found could pinpoint him in the area at the time the murders happened. Everything had been seemingly sweeped under the rug, no doubt by his big brother. They worked for two days straight on trying to find evidence that Andrew Ramos did indeed rape and kill those women.

Y/N didn’t even go home while the others did. She needed to get this done. She needed to get this guy.

“Hey,” Spencer greeted when he walked into the breakroom where he found his girlfriend on the second morning in sweatpants and a BAU shirt she probably found at the lost and found. “What are you doing? You didn’t come home for two nights.”

Y/N sighed and looked up at him. She looked worse for wear. Her hair was messy, her makeup smudged underneath her eyes and she had exchanged her contacts for her glasses because they were drying out her eyes. “I need to get this guy, Spence. I won’t sleep until I do.”

Spencer looked at his girlfriend for a moment. There was something that had rendered her silent when they first took on the case, but he didn’t want to push it then. Though right now, he really had no other choice than to ask.

“Why is this case bugging you so much, y/n? You’ve never done this before,” he said whilst sitting down next to her on the couch.

“It’s just… Remember how I was a detective before I came to the BAU?” she asked and Spencer nodded in response. “My Captain back then, he was kind of my mentor. When I made my biggest arrest ever, he took me out to dinner to celebrate. I-I thought it was gonna be the whole team, you know? We all worked hard to arrest those guys. But no, it was just me. That night he-he tried to kiss me…” Tears welled up in Y/N’s eyes that she couldn’t hold back. “I just… I threw my glass of Martini at him and ran out of the restaurant. I transferred to another precinct the next day…”

Spencer’s eyes glazed over as he grabbed his girlfriend’s hand in his. “I’m so sorry, angel.”

Shaking her head, y/n sniffled. “It’s the same for so many women. Literally every woman I know has been sexually harassed. For some it’s on the daily… It’s just so hard being a woman sometimes because you just… men just think they own you and that you owe them your life and your achievements. Everything we do is for the men, according to them. And I just… I hate how there’s this one guy in this one firm that can get away with five counts of rape and murder just because his big brother can pull some strings. If we as women say something about the sexual harassment we encounter every day, we ruin the guy’s life. But they’re literally out there, murdering women.”

With a sigh, Spencer wrapped his arms around y/n and held her against him for a hug. It only lasted a good half minute before he pulled back and got up, earning a confused glare from the woman.

“Where are you going?” she asked, wiping her tears away quickly.

“I’m going to get you a change of clothes and some coffee. After that, we’re gonna work together to solve this case. This guy is going to jail today, baby. I promise.” He sounded so determined, it put a smile to y/n’s face.

Spencer shot her a smile back before turning on his heel. “Hey, Spence.” He turned back to face her. “I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.” He looked at her for a second longer. “I’m also gonna get you a hairbrush, but you only have to use it if you want to use it.”

With a nod and a smile from his girlfriend, Spencer headed home to get everything he needed to get her back to her normal self. The fresh pair of clothes, the hairbrush and especially the coffee made her feel almost brand-new. Which helped a lot in solving the case.

Spencer and y/n eventually worked it out with the help of Penelope’s illegal sleuthing to pin the guy and get him locked up. It made the weight on y/n’s shoulders drop as she walked back into the BAU with Spencer. Never had she ever felt this drained after a case.

“You did a great job, y/n,” Emily congratulated her with a smile and a squeeze of the shoulder.

Y/N offered her coworker a tired smile. “Thanks, Em.”

“Why aren’t you happy about it?” JJ wanted to know, her brows furrowed in confusion.

Sighing, y/n shrugged. “I don’t know… It’s just one guy we managed to put away when there are so many other guys like that walking around…”

“It’s like that with every case, y/n,” Rossi reminded her. “You did great. One more guy you put away.”

A smile befell y/n’s lips as she listened to her colleagues, but before she could say anything, Spencer beat her to it. “Y/N’s just upset because the historically entrenched patriarchy has created a culture of victim-shaming that suppresses any power shift in our masculo-phallic system.”

Of all the facts he ever ranted about, y/n didn’t expect him to start ranting about a feminist topic. It was the first time he had ever even shown such interest in feminism. She couldn’t lie that it surprised her in a very good way that would become of use in the bedroom later that night.

“I couldn’t sleep last night, so I read some books about feminism,” he added with a tight-lipped smile.

“I love you,” y/n whispered. “But it still kinda sucks that people like Amanda still have to work there and that women are murdered and raped every day.”

“Look, this is a hard fight, but it’s an important one,” Emily reassured her. “It’s good that you rid the world of one more of those guys. Step by step, y/n.”

The woman nodded her head as she let the words sink in. She had done a good job. Even if it was just one of many guys, it still was one guy less. With that in mind, she headed into Hotch’s office for the debrief. It was short but ended on a sweet note, with Hotch telling her how good of a job she did, only further reassurance of what her other coworkers had already told her. After her debrief with Hotch, it was finally time to go home with Spencer. Something she had been looking forward to since they started their super deep-dive into Andrew Ramos’ life to get the proof they needed.

“Did you know that it’s two women who hold the highest IQ-scores?” Spencer asked her when they were lying in bed together, ready to sleep. He had been rambling off facts about feminism that he’d learned about when reading last night.

Y/N, who was laying on his chest, turned her head to look up at him. “Oh, so you don’t have the highest IQ in the world?”

“No,” he answered, “I’m glad it’s two women holding that title.”

Chuckling, y/n turned her head again and began circling patterns on his T-shirt-clad chest. “I’m glad I awakened the feminist in you.”

Spencer couldn’t help but smile and buried it in her hair to press a kiss to the crown of her head. “Is it really that bad for you? You know, on the daily?”

A sigh rolled off y/n’s lips as she thought about it. “I can think of four instances that happened today alone,” she started. “When we went to get coffee this morning, the barista wished you a good day and he told me I had beautiful eyes before wishing me the same. Even when Andrew was being handcuffed, he was still eyeing me up as if trying to calculate how to make me his sixth victim. In the elevator this morning, Robert from the seventh floor stood behind me, a little too closely while there was plenty of space for him. And when we went to pay for gas earlier, the guy behind the till was so confused as to why I was paying for gas. When I told him it was because I was driving, he looked at me as though I was speaking a foreign language and he literally said “girls can’t drive”.”

Y/N was almost out of breath from summing up all the instances.

“Wow,” Spencer gasped. “I didn’t know it was that bad for you.”

An airy chuckle erupted from her throat. “Yeah, some days are better than others, but it’s always something. As young girls, we’re taught to behave, never be loud, always apologize. We’ve learned not to say anything about it because society taught us that ‘boys will be boys’. It’s exhausting, you know?”

“I don’t,” Spencer mumbled. “But I am willing to learn.”

At his words, y/n turned on her side and propped her head up on her hand, elbow resting just above Spencer’s shoulder. His golden-speckled eyes looked inquisitively into her y/e/c ones. “You’re amazing, you know that?” she asked and pecked his lips.

“Mmh, you’re amazing,” he argued before she kissed him again. Deeper and more sensual this time. “You never have to apologize to me, you know that?”

Y/N’s eyebrow raised. “Not even when I steal the last of Penelope’s homemade cookies?”

Her mention of the homemade cookies Penelope had given them a few days ago made Spencer’s eyes go wide. This was her confessing that she was the one who had eaten the last three cookies in the tin when they could’ve shared them. “You ate the last ones?!” he asked incredulously.

“Yes, I did…” she pouted, her bottom lip jutting out innocently.

“You devil woman!” he exclaimed before attacking her sides with his fingers, sending her into a fit of laughter at his tickles. “How dare you steal those delicious goods from me! We could’ve shared!”

Exclaims of ‘stop’ bounced off the walls, along with her laughter while she tried to pry his hands off her to stop his attack. When he finally did, y/n calmed down again and even faltered when, instead, he attacked her lips with his in a long kiss.

“I love you, y/n y/l/n,” he muttered when he pulled back, his forehead pressed to hers.

Smiling, y/n kissed his nose. “I love you, Spencer ‘The Feminist’ Reid.”

Spencer was always able to get her mind off the case, no matter how tough. In this instance, he’d been the buoys that kept her afloat, the rock that kept her steady. He’d been exactly what she needed him to be in a world that seemed to be against her and every other woman.

Thanks to him, she dared to be seen, she dared to be loud.

Because girls can drive.

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty @littlemissaddict @n0wornever @wanniiieeee @unnowhatthisistbh

Criminal Minds Taglist:

@boimlers-gonna-boim @samsbirks @tinaasthings @dysphoricsanity @love4lando @elenamoncada-ibarra @r-3dlips

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds

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underburningstars · 9 months

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darlin', i'm falling 12

for @jegulus-microfic prompt jealous, wc 1036, nsfw

(Did I skip through Regulus' recovery period to write smut? Yep. This one is inspired by this lovely art btw)

Regulus’ recovery is a slow, painful process. Most of the time, Regulus is impatient, James is scared, Sirius is angry and Remus is stressed. It’s a gruesome and exhausting month but they make it through.

Regulus is fully recovered now. He can, once again, kick James’ ass while sparring. Sometimes, James finds him running around the garden like a madman. Regulus is fine and there is nothing left to heal anymore.

So why does the Healer keep finding excuses to come back?

James didn’t notice it at first because his mind was rather occupied with concerts about Regulus’ health. But now it’s as clear as the day. The Healer visits Regulus way too often and every time Regulus kicks everyone out of the room to talk to them.

James doesn’t like it.

The Healer is back again. They visited Regulus a week ago too. Why are they here again? And why did Regulus tell him to leave? What are they discussing that James can’t know? James stands outside their bedroom and glares at the door. His glare lands on the Healer when the door opens and they come out. They flinch.

Good, James thinks with no little amount of satisfaction.

They smile tightly at him before leaving and James enters the room.

“Are you sick? Why do you still need to see a Healer? And why can’t I be in the room when you see them?”

Regulus’ eyes shine with mirth when he looks at James. “I needed to do something to celebrate my recovery but the curse from the attack made it a little complicated. So I told Healer Jenkins to stay in case something happened. And you couldn’t stay because it was supposed to be a surprise.”

Okay, James is curious now, “What did you do? Did you get a new tattoo? Show me.”

“Not a tattoo. But…I think you’ll like it.” With that Regulus slowly starts pooping the buttons of his shirt open. Soon, Regulus shrugs his shirt off and it pools at his feet on the ground. But James’ eyes aren’t on the shirt. He couldn’t give less of a damn about it. Not when Regulus is standing in front of him; his pale skin is on display and two golden nipple piercings adorning his chest. The light falls on the chain that connects the piercings and makes it glow.

James walks towards Regulus slowly and deliberately, still not taking his eyes off the piercings.

“Can I touch?” He whispers. His voice has already gone hoarse and they haven’t even done anything.

“Yeah,” At least, Regulus is in the same boat as him.

He doesn’t touch the piercings or the chain. Instead, he caresses Regulus’ neck. He can feel Regulus' trembling pulse under his fingers. He trails down with featherlight touch to his collarbone and then right above his heart. He continues his ministrations until his fingers reach the chain resting on Regulus’ sternum.

Regulus is panting now. His chest moving up and down rapidly.

James hooks one finger under the chain and tugs.

Regulus inhales sharply as he stumbles closer to James. He bites his lips and looks up at James. He cups Regulus’ cheek with his other hand and brings their mouths together. He twists the chain around his finger and Regulus whines into his mouth.

James leaves the chain and pushes Regulus towards the bed without breaking the kiss. They make quick work on their clothes and soon a very naked and flushed Regulus is lying under James.

James leans back on his heels and takes in the view. Regulus looks beautiful like this. Breathless, with his hands raised beside his head and the gold chain glowing on his skin.

“Turn over,” James says and Regulus follows instantly.

He gets like this – obedient and pliant – when he’s too turned on to be a brat.

James strokes the path of the snake tattoo on Regulus' spine. The snake shudders under his fingers. Or maybe that’s just Regulus. He leans down to press a gentle kiss on Regulus’ dimples.

“Hurry up,” Regulus huffs impatiently.

Yeah, James can’t wait to fuck Regulus either. He smooths his hands on Regulus’ sides before caressing his stomach. His fingers make a slow path down to the apex of Regulus’ thighs. James’ fingers ghost over Regulus’ clit and already finds it swollen.

Regulus whines and clutches the sheets over his head.

“James, just–please. I don’t–I don’t need prep. I can take it so just–”

“Shh baby, this is my surprise, right? So let me enjoy it.”

By the time James is done prepping Regulus, he has gone completely boneless. He is lying on the bed, face down ass up as James strokes his walls one last time before pulling out. Regulus’ cum is coating his fingers and James laps at them eagerly.

He wraps an arm around Regulus’ waist and the other around his neck to pull him up on his knees. James presses his chest to Regulus’ back and slowly pushes in. Regulus throws his head back on James’ shoulder with a low moan. James groans loudly as he feels Regulus’ walls sucking him in.

“Look at you, taking me so well,” James pants.

After letting Regulus adjust, James starts rocking them slowly. He sets a sensual and languid pace. But that doesn’t satisfy Regulus. He pushes his hips back and James gets the message. He doesn’t increase the speed but starts thrusting harder into Regulus. He drops the hand around Regulus’ neck and twists his fingers around the chain again.

He tugs the chain in sync with his thrusts which has Regulus thrashing in his arms. Regulus clenches around him and that’s how James knows he is close. James twists the chain around another finger and reaches down with his other hand to stroke Regulus’ clit.

Soon, Regulus’ walls are clamping around him and he is coming on James’ cock. James’ climax follows closely.

James detangles his fingers from the chain and pulls out slowly. He gently lays Regulus down on the bed and drops beside him.

“You should get jealous more often,” Regulus tells him after catching his breath.

James snorts and curls around Regulus. “And you should get a few more piercings.”

taglist: @yourgalgremlin @kit-kat744 @heartsoncover (send me an ask to be added)

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londonspirit · 1 year

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2022.

Well, it has been a year indeed.

Talk about rollercoaster.

Looking back, two things immediately come to mind: the loss of my father, and OFMD.

Yeah, I know, that’s some insane comparison.

But once again, fandom helped me through real life horrors.

Losing dad was hard, but (yes, there’s a but) overall it was a relief. He’s been sick and weak for a while, and everyone who only remotely knew him, knew how terrible that was for him. He wasn’t able to do the things he wanted to do, couldn’t really do anything much at all towards the end. He was suffering a lot (as was my mom) so him finally finding peace was the best for him. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s what it was for us.

The time after that was…weird.

But we got through it, made sure mom was doing okay; and after the funeral life continued - as it tends to do.

Everything was a tad dulled and tinged with grief but when I (finally) listened to Tumblr which kept raving about that ‘gay pirate show’, well things… changed.

I will forever be grateful for those i follow that they kept screaming about it otherwise i’d never checked it out. But I was fandomless, there wasn’t anything I was currently obsessing over, and I needed something to distract me from that massive loss.

And by the Gods, that they did. That perfect little show, full of queer love and wonderful friendships, of beautiful sentiments and funny quips was JUST what I needed. It filled the empty space in my heart and helped me through the toughest times.

I have lost count of how many times I’ve watched it by now (and will again once the UK will finally get it officially just to experience the SQUEE that will happen when it airs!).

I love every damn thing about that show: its amazing creator, that insanely talented cast and the wonderful crew making sure every single one can shine and sparkle as they deserve!!!

Nothing was ever the same after April 3rd, the day I left hanging with the most gruesome cliffhanger in a while and no renewal in sight!!!

Once again I am soo soo glad for the friends that fall in love with the same things - but then again, this damn show is just soo fucking perfect and everyone else really need to get their shit together to even get close to the level of perfection that show has!!!

The show and its cast has occupied my mind ever since (and will continue to do so once season 2 comes out so expect more screaming about it in next year’s review).

But there have been more lovely and wonderful things - it’s almost as if this year wanted to make up for the pain.

I’ve been to London again!! TWICE!! Six glorious days in the summer, and four in autumn. Summer was on my own, and boy did I enjoy that. Having time for myself, doing the things I wanted to do, being on my own with my thoughts - there’s nothing better to recharge the batteries.

But I wasn’t lonely: finally met some old friends again and got to spend some quality time with them; I saw one of my fav musician again, after almost a decade of not being able to do so. London in summer is gorgeous, London during Pride month is even better! I saw an amazing queer Shakespeare which I wished I could’ve seen twice; Come From Away will ALWAYS make my heart soar and I’ve spent hours in a beautifully immersive Van Gogh exhibition.

When I came back, I even got to spent more amazing time with my dear C, went to see Queen - even though the one souvenir i didn’t ask for put me in quarantine for 10 days! (Still so thankful for 3 vaccinations and a very mild case!)

There was a brief visit at B’s to see her boys and spent some time with her as well - it’s been too damn long since I’ve seen her (even though I LOVE her video chats when she can squeeze them in in between her kids!)

Another London trip, seeing David Tennant (hating the play - a very first!), LOVING Letter Live at the RAH (beautiful beautiful place; def going to go back!); getting tipsy in the skies and walking all the steps!!!

And just when I thought the year couldn’t get any better, there’s the chance to see the one and only Taika Waititi live and in colour! (Massive shoutout to the like minded and equally obsessed people that helped me secure a ticket for the show!)

GAH!! That’s still a thing I never thought to happen! And yet it did. And once again, a new fandom always comes with the most lovely people - thank you, Twitter (even though you’re currently a terrible hell hole!) for connecting fandoms across borders!!!

WHAT A NIGHT that was!!! Even though he was tiny and far away on that stage, that night will forever be seared into my memories! (hell, even just typing it out makes me grin like a loon!)

There was one small hiccup as mom had to go to hospital for an astonishing four weeks, but she’s back home again and feeling more or less okay, so I’ll take that!!! (Plus, she’s gotten through her 1st Covid infection rather nicely, thanks to 4 vaccinations and despite everything else a rather healthy constitution it seems!)

And now it’s New Year’s Eve - another one for the books.

Closing out 2022 on a more optimistic note though.

Pandemic slowly but surely turning into an endemic which means less restrictions and more travel for me. Maybe even working without face masks in the spring.

It’s getting there. And I'm hopeful, and looking forward to all the things 2023 has to offer.

For seeing old and new friends again.

For seeing my beloved London again.

For making plans and doing things and enjoying life to the fucking fullest because it is too damn short to not do all the things you want to do!!!

BUT once again, I will not make too many plans, these days being spontaneous is the better way to do things without being too disappointed.

So, for the new year: hug your loved ones; tell them you love them; look after them; make friends; let go of the things that are not good for you!

ENJOY life as much as you can. Be it in big things or the small ones - as long as it brings you joy and makes you smile, it’s a GOOD thing!!!

Here’s to a glorious 2023 - have the most wonderful year, my darlings!!!

#personal #annual review #happy new year #tw: loss of a family member #(just in case)#these are basically just for me but if anyone else reads them #consider yourself warned #2022 #new year's note

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hockeyforthefirsttime · 3 years

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The Art of Not Falling in Love- Roope Hintz

AN: This is a piece that is very self indulgent BUT it has a plot despite being like 80% smut. I am thinking of making more parts if people like this

Word count: 5k

TW: like its smut.. so like what do you expect. (Wrap it before you tap it) spanking light dom!Roope female reader

You could never quite understand how you got into this situation. You’d sworn to never fall in love ever. The pain of watching the gruesome divorce of your parents, the way your friends seemed to find “the one” left and right, only to be heartbroken, was simply too much. So you decided to simply don’t fall in love ever.

And you’d kept that promise to yourself, ever since 15. Sure a few crushes came up now and then, but you never acted on them, and you made sure no one knew about the feeling. The only person in your life that knew about this promise to yourself was your best friend Jamie.

The first person you’d met in Dallas when you’d first moved there. You had been a freshman in college and he had been, ironically so, the first person to hit on you in Dallas, and you hadn’t even officially gotten there yet. It happened on the plane ride. He was seated beside you and you couldn’t for the life of you remember the pick up line he used. You just know it was bad, cause you remember laughing at it and the way he tried to manage his long limbs into the airplane seat. It had gone uphill from there on, and you were glad he didn’t get offended by you laughing at him.

Now, however, you were sitting in the stands of the American Airlines Center, watching him and his team scramble across the ice in a turnover, passing the puck up the ice. Roope Hintz picks it up and flicks it into the goal, just over the left shoulder of the Blackhawks goalie, making the Stars take the lead with three minutes left in the third period. The stands erupt in wild cheers and the team celebrates on ice. You jump with the rest of the crowd, and clap enthusiastically. Knowing that it’s gonna be an insufferable team to meet afterwards. After all, athletes tend to be after winning a game like this.

The buzzer goes off and the Dallas Stars have officially ended their losing streak. The crowd is going wild, jumping up and down, making the stands shake just a little. Thats when you decide to sneak out of the stands and find your way to the outside of the locker room, where Jamie had promised he would meet you.

You have been around a few times, and sure enough you find your way. Jamie had made sure to let the security staff know that you would be around after the game. There is a soccer ball laying around so you pick it up and start bouncing it on your jeans clad thigh, then dropping it down onto your foot and up again, alway in control. You lose yourself to the ball, concentrating on keeping it in the air, so much so that you don’t notice the door slamming open until the boom of it makes you drop the ball.

“Jesus fuck.”

You whisper as you look up to find the source of the noise. What you find shouldn’t surprise you, but seeing a shirtless Roope Hintz standing there with a frown on his face, makes heat rush up your neck regardless.

“Who are you?”

He looks suspiciously at you, taking in the skinny jeans and the absence of a jersey. As well as the forgotten soccer ball.

“Sorry, just here for Oleksiak.”

You try to shrug it off, looking for the ball again. His eyes squint suspiciously at you, but his head tilts backwards as he calls for Jamie. He comes bounding out of the locker room, shirtless, but fresh out of the shower. He’s in the middle of zipping up his game day slacks, and the smile already on his lips gets wider.

“You could have waited with the others you know?”

Jamie says cheekily to you. The heat to your face returns, but not in full force. You look at his tall stature and the smaller man beside him. And for some reason, the blonde star of the night is the one to make you look away. You shoot daggers at Jamie instead.

“You know, you could have told me where they were, so I didn’t have to stand here like some other crazed fan.”

Roope slowly turns around and walks away, closing the door with one last curious look directed at you.

“Oh come on, we all know you’re crazy for me.”

Finally you can feel yourself relax a little, with a sigh you take a step closer to him.

“Yeah, crazy for you to leave me alone.”

He wraps you up in his arms and lifts you up in the air, laughing as you gasp at the surprise of being lifted up.

“Congrats by the way, you played well today.”

You say to him, as he lets you back down on the ground again.

“Thank you Sparks.”

“Now go get dressed completely, I suppose you want to celebrate tonight?”

His signature, tooth lacking smile is on full display as he slings an arm around your shoulders. Jamie looks at you with a mischievous look.

“We really want to celebrate this, and besides, we really need to get you laid.”

You wrench your way out of his grip and scowl at him, pushing him in the direction of the door to the locker room.

“Get dressed you idiot.”

You say with a flat voice, trying to remain serious, and failing when you see Jamie wink at you last minute. You immediately go back to juggling the soccer ball, as the door slams shut.

A couple of girls are walking towards you, and you suspect they’re here looking for their boyfriends or husbands. That’s until you see the flustered cheeks and whispers of “I can’t believe we made it all the way here.” and the agreements that follow.

Their eyes land on you and your soccer ball, and their expressions instantly sour. You try to shrug it off, but when the whispering starts again, you look up from the ball. You start getting suspicious when one of the three girls flicks her long, perfectly curled, brunette hair over her shoulder and opens her immaculately painted lips to say something.

“You shouldn’t be here you know.”

The confidence in her voice almost has you fooled for someone who belongs there. Almost. You’ve never seen her close to any of them ever, even if you had managed to stay out of the public eye yourself. Something about this trio didn’t feel right. You stop juggling the ball and drop it to your foot, catching it without bounce and then placing your foot on top of it.

“Why not?”

You ask out of curiosity of what the answer would be.

“Well, it’s reserved for the wags, you know, so you don’t belong here.”

You tilt your head and raise a brow, questioningly.

“Isn’t that what the owner's box is for? you know with reserved seats, food and really comfortable sitting options?”

A blush seems to rise through her make- up and you restrain yourself a little, you really don’t want to make her an enemy. Just in case.

“Yeah.. I just need to see my man before we head home.”

She stutters out, looking at her two friends who nod encouragingly at her.

“Okay, just remind me who it is again?”

You play dumb, knowing that the media is about to get out of the room in a minute.

“Jamie ofcourse.”

And her voice is so confident as she says it, you let a smile show before chuckling. They really thought they could fool anyone with that. Just in that moment, the door opens and cameras and notepads or tape recorders start filing out of the door.

You walk over to the door, holding it open for the stream of reporters and crew. Then you duck a head in and yell for Jamie.

“Oleksiak, your girlfriend is here…”

It isn’t intentional all the way, but it comes out in a sing- song voice.

The entirety of the team turns to face you. Briefly you meet the eyes of Roope, who’s still shirtless. Just as Jamie passes you by with a confused look, you tap his now clothed arm to make him bend down just a little.

“Ehh, so someone somehow got past security, apparently you’re her boyfriend.”

You say to him, loud enough for the closest teammates to hear.

“Jesus Christ, not again.”

Jamie mutters. Stephen Johns is closest and has his phone in seconds calling someone. You let a glance out the door and see the girls huddled together, suddenly looking unsure. Jamie takes a look over your shoulder and sighs.

“Guess I should distract them until security gets here, just stay here.”

You roll your eyes, but stay put. Then suddenly you realise where you are, feeling like an intruder.

“Sorry guys, didn’t mean to intrude, just thought you should know about the girls outside.”

You say, trying to not look too closely at anyone. You can feel the heat rising up your neck.

“‘S alright, not everyday we get to know a girl from Jamie's side.”

Tyler Seguin says from his seat by his gear.

“Oh I know, he has a hard time finding decent ones.”

You say it absentmindedly, but the entire team seems to crack up at that. You feel a little bad, but you also know it as true and it's already said, so you can’t take it back.

“Seems like he did alright with you.”

Roope says as he pulls his button up over his arms and starts pushing the buttons through the holes.

“Ahh, a common mistake. Not a girlfriend and not sleeping with him either.”

His brows raise and a cheeky smile forms on his face. But he doesn’t say anything else. You feel off, of sorts. He doesn’t irk you like the girls did. And it was kind of scaring you. It’s the feeling you get when you start being intrigued, and you don ‘t need that now.

-------

You’re sitting at the bar, alone, not that you mind it, because the girl who finally got Jamie had been ogling him all night and talking too loud, and it was a relief when you saw them walk out the door. He had asked multiple times if it was okay for him to leave, so much so that you almost drove the uber back to her place yourself.

Staring down at the drink in your hand, you realised you were too sober and too far behind on studying (not really) to be sitting here, in a place you didn’t want to be. So you got up, turned around and immediately crashed into a hard chest. Looking up, you find a wild head of blonde curls and a heavenly cologne. Roope Hintz.

“Can I help you you mr. Star?”

You said ask as he leans closer, if that was even possible, without touching you. He at least has the decency to chuckle and look a little bashful as you address him that way.

“You sure you’re not even a little infatuated with Oleksiak?”

Rolling your eyes, you lean back onto the bar and cross your ankles.

“Why? Are you jealous?”

You give him a flirty smile, just for the hell of it. Roope steps forward so his feet are planted on either side of yours, not touching this time either, and leans an arm beside you, making him come impossibly close to you.

“What if I am?”

He asks, and his eyes are roaming all over your face, ignited with a desire you haven’t seen in far too long. It makes a heat pool in your stomach, and a little in your cheeks. Just purely out of the close proximity.

“Then you’re gonna be sorely disappointed.”

You try to sound casual, but Roope leans a little closer.

“And why is that?”

You can tell he is curious, and your judgement is compromised from the closeness of him. Maybe one night wouldn’t hurt, right?

“I’m a one time offer, an-”

Roope doesn’t even let you finish your sentence, before he has your hand in his. Just as you touch it feels like a wave of something indescribable washes over you. You’d never felt anything like it.

“I can do that. Come along now, we haven’t got all night.”

Roope drags you away from the bar and you scramble to keep up the first few steps. When you catch up, he laces his fingers through yours, and heads out the door. It’s cold out, and since you haven’t really been outside today, all you have is the sweater you came to the rink in. You hadn’t been dressed for a club at all, but he didn’t seem to mind. You wrap your arms around yourself, to try to preserve some of the heat from the inside. Roope has a keen eye and steps behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“One time offer, remember?”

“Oh yeah, that doesn’t mean I can’t be nice, or no?”

And as he pulls you closer to him, you can feel in your bones (and your lower back) that he isn’t nearly as nice as he’s pretending to be. And you catch yourself thinking that you can’t wait to see what this turns into.

“Just, doubting what you define as nice, that’s all.”

At that Roope, let out a little chuckle, before leaning down a little and placing small kisses on your exposed neck. He works his way up to your ear.

“I can be very nice, it all depends on you though.”

With a final kiss to your cheek, he steps away from your heated face, and looks at the uber that’s now in front of you, double checking that it’s the right one. How in the hell had you missed the car pulling up to the curb? Roope opened the door to the back seat and let you enter first. Then he entered shortly after you, told the lady driving the car his address and turned to face you.

“Didn’t think you were that shy, sweetheat.”

He gestured to the entire middle seat between the two of you. You just shake your head, with a coy smile on your lips.

“Just been a while.”

You say quietly, not wanting the driver to hear. Regardless, she looks at you, very discreetly, through the rearview mirror. You give her a reassuring smile trying to convey that you feel safe and that you’re okay. She gives you a wink in return.

“I’ll make it worth your time.”

Roope leads you into an elevator and punches one of the higher numbers, all the while his eyes are roaming you, mentally undressing you. Most definitely wondering what he would find underneath the sweater and jeans. You are absolutely feeling a little shy with the way he looks at you. However, at the same time you’re looking at him, wondering what he is going to do, if he will be soft or hard in demeanor, if he’s gonna be rough or boring, but somehow something in his eyes tells you, it’s gonna be anything but boring.

The elevator stops, and he steps closer, taking your hand in his, entwining your fingers and leading the way out of the elevator. Just two doors down he pulls some keys out of his back pocket and steadily unlocks the door, no fumbling. You take it as a good sign even if you already knew that he wasn’t even close to being drunk. The lock clicks in place and the door slides open, revealing a dark hallway. Roope steps in first and flicks on the light. It’s neat, considering what you had been expecting. The door shuts behind you, and you hear the lock clicking.

Toeing off your shoes you turn and find Roope already staring at you. His eyes are considerably darker. He drops the jacket he had been wearing to the floor and beckons you with a finger to follow him, all silent and a little domineering, half a smile on his lips. You see the light flicker on in the hallway as you follow him down to the left and then the first door on the right hand side it’s the only open door, but it’s not fully lit inside. Carefully you step inside, when nothing happens, you take one more step in and the room is suddenly full of tension.

The light here is turned on low, and Roope is standing in front of you taking slow steps towards you. Determined to stand your ground you remain unmoving, but your eyes roam him, and he seems to notice. With a smirk he takes a hand behind his neck and promptly yanks the shirt off of his upper body. You feel your jaw dropping just a little as you scan him over.

“Look at me in the eyes babe.”

Heat rises to your cheeks, but you remain in your spot steadily holding his gaze. He takes a step closer, and then another, until he’s standing mere inches from you. A devious smile is playing on his lips, when one of his hands lands on your waist. His thumb rubs circles on your hip, just underneath the emerald sweater of yours.

“Are you sure about this?”

He asks, taking his other hand up and caressing your cheek. You nod your head yes.

“I’m gonna need you to use your words for me.”

The hand that’s on your cheek is suddenly forcing your face upwards to meet his eyes.

“I’m sure about this.”

You whisper, again meeting his eyes. Just as the sentence leaves your mouth, he immediately goes to kiss you, but you pull back just slightly, just to tease, and maybe test him a little. He sees the mischievous glint in your eyes, and his smile widens.

“Oh you wanna play like that, huh?”

Roope’s hands slip from your body, before meeting again behind your thighs, lifting you up into his arms. You stare down into his darkened eyes, and lean into him. He lets you kiss him for a couple of seconds, before he deepens it. You let him, not really feeling like fighting him. His lips move from yours and down your neck, as he walks towards the bed, you can feel him leaving a few hickies before dropping you onto the bed.

“Off with the sweater, kaunis.”

You look up at him, while crossing your arms and gripping the bottom of the sweater, letting him take in all of you as the green top comes off. Underneath is a simple black bra and you can see his pupils dilate at the sight of you.

“That one I’m gonna take off myself.”

He leans over you, until you’ve laid down flat on the bed. He’s hovering over you, resting on his forearms, yet his hips have already settled between your legs. You can feel him there hard and heavy. His breath playing across your collarbones, makes you feel the anticipation building in your entire body.

He presses a quick kiss to your lips before he starts leaving open mouth kisses down the valley of your breasts, he shifts his weight so he is leaning more on one arm and slides the other underneath your back, and makes quick work of unfastening your bra. The tension leaves the straps and you let them fall off. Then with his teeth he bites the middle of the bra, lifting it off your body and chucking it away with his free hand.

“Upea.”

You don’t question his words, honestly feeling a little more turned on as he speaks to you in a language you don’t understand. With a wink he kisses each of your tits a few times, before moving further down.

“Still good?”

He asks, and you feel your heart ache a little at it, and immediately shove the feeling aside.

“Yes, so good.”

You say, all out of breath as his fingers pop open the button, and slowly pull down the zipper of your jeans. In a swift motion he has his fingers in what you assume is the belt loops and has pulled down your jeans along with the black underwear you had been wearing. Instinctively you try to close your legs, but two calloused hands on either of your knees stops that motion.

“I’ve got you.”

Roope says as he leans into your right thigh and starts leaving kisses again. Closer and closer to your core, and when he finally is there, he switches to the other tigh, repeating the process. Your hands, which have been clenching the sheets, finally go to his long hair, tugging a little. Roope lets out a little groan and you swear you can feel it in your entire body.

“Aww, look how wet you are, all for me?”

He asks in a husky voice.

“All for you, all for you.”

Roope seems to revel in the admittance rolling off your tongue, before he lets himself have a taste. At least that’s what you think is happening. You feel his hot breath fan over your core, and he is painfully close, you lift your hips just slightly to meet his mouth, just as he pulls away.

“My bed, my rules. Now, you’re gonna have to ask really nicely to cum, before I let you. Got it?”

You’re so lost in desperation for his mouth that you can only nod. You both hear and feel the sigh escaping him, before he lands a little smack on the inside of your thigh. It causes you to let out a strangled moan and clench around nothing.

“Didn’t I tell you? Words.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll ask to cum.”

And then he’s all over you. The pent up feeling you have in your body only seems to grow as he spends his time licking and lapping at your folds. With his arms around your thighs and eyes firmly set on yours, your body's working overtime trying to feel everything. You feel your grip on his hair tighten as his mouth finds you clit and a finger easily slides inside you.

“Fuuuck, feels so good.”

You draw out the vocals as he hums against you. Your breathing went uneven a long time ago, but now you’re struggling to control anything that comes out of your mouth. Especially as the second finger enters you and he makes a “come here” motion with his fingers, finally finding that one particular spot. It nearly sends you over the edge.

“Ah ah, ask first.”

Your brain feels like mush as he continues his assault on your pussy.

“Please may I cum?”

Roope hums against you, before leaning away a little.

“No, I want you to beg.”

He goes back in, feeling the way your body is wound so tightly you don’t know where to turn, not being able to think clearly.

“Please, I’ll be so good, just please please let me cum.”

Again Roope hums.

“Okay, only if you’re a good girl though.”

He says looking up at you, with that smirk of his, before he dives back in. You can feel the tension in your body tightening, and when his tongue does a particularly intense stroke over your clit you can’t hold it anymore. Your legs clamp around his head and you let out a drawn out moan of pleasure as he lets you ride out the high on his face.

When you can’t take it anymore, you gently guide his face away from your core. Roope has this cocky grin on his face and you can’t help but like it being directed at you. You pull him up towards you and kiss him deeply, not really caring if you can taste yourself on his lips. Finally he lets your hands wander over the planes of his upper body, feeling the muscles tense and flex as your fingers trace every ridge of his body. He seems to really like kissing you, but he does notice that your hands go lower and lift his hips up a little to make room so you can pop the button of his jeans. As soon as the zipper is down, your hand traces the waistband of his boxers.

“You gonna play with me like this all night, rakas?”

He asks with a playful tone of voice.

“Maybe.”

You tease, pulling on the waistband of the boxers, before releasing it, making it snap against his skin. He leans away from you completely, getting up so he’s on his knees, but otherwise full height. Your legs are caught between his, so you can only sit up as far. Not that you mind though, with the way he towers over you, giving you perfect access to the bulge that’s now in your direct line of vision. Without really meaning to your jaw goes slack. His pointer finger is under your chin, making you look up at him.

“Eyes up here, yeah?”

You nod innocently at him, making him groan at the sight of you.

“Good girl. Now let’s see if we can put that mouth of yours to good use.”

You blush at his words and the smirk on his lips. Regardless, you start peeling the boxers and jeans down his legs. Slowly. Since this is going to be a one time thing, you think, you’re gonna savour this moment. His skin is hot beneath your fingers, but not as hot as your cheeks the moment his cock springs free of it’s confinement. You’re definitely not complaining about any aspect of it.

Without a second thought you put your lips around the angry red tip, letting your tongue explore every inch of his dick. Roope seems to like what you’re doing, judging by the groaning and panting above you. One of his hands is in your hair, doing a makeshift ponytail as you continue to suck him off. Suddenly, he all but pulls you off his cock, which now seems even more red than it was before. With strings of saliva hanging from your mouth, connected to his dick. Roope lets out a groan that makes your inside tingle before he slides back off the bed.

“I’m going to ruin you so good, rakas.”

He kicks off his jeans and boxers before he is over you again. You look him in the eyes nodding, before spreading your legs, letting him settle between them. He cages you in with his arms, and for some reason, even with his dark gaze upon you, you feel safe. And when he grabs your arms, pinning them beside your head you let out a content sigh. Not only because you’re completely letting go, but because you can feel his cock brushing against your stomach. The anticipation is almost killing you.

Roope, kisses up and down your neck, whispering dirty somethings in your ear, because they aren’t nothing. They are all his fantasies, of what he has come up with that he wants to do with you. As well as to you. Most of all though, you think he just enjoys watching you squirm in need of him. When he lets go of your right hand, it traces your throat.

“Now, put my cock inside yourself.”

It’s a demand, and you follow through, out of desperation to feel him inside. You wrap your hand around his dick, carefully tugging at him, running your thumb over the tip, teasing. With a little smile on your lips. Roope is quick to kiss it away, delving into you, with a passion you’ve never felt before. “Inside, now. Or this teasing of yours is gonna have some serious consequences.”

He mumbles against your lips, so you do as told, guiding him to your entrance. You both let out content sighs as he finally sinks into you. He is going slow at first. Letting you adjust to having him inside you.

“Look so good for me like this.”

You can only nod as he starts moving his hips in slow, deep thrusts. He finds a pace and as soon as you start clenching around him, when he hits that part of you. His pace picks up. The hand that’s still holding onto yours, they are now intertwined in each other. His other hand is caressing your hip. You’re pretty much just a blubbering mess of his name and curses as he hits all the right parts.

With a final kiss to your lips, he leans up a bit, so his thighs are resting on his calves creating a steep angle, so you almost slip off him. Almost. He pulls you closer by the hips, making you yelp out, before your legs are planted on either side of him, giving yourself a little more leverage as he hits deep inside of you. The moan that escapes you is genuine, and you squeeze your eyes shut in pleasure. At that you feel a sharp sting on your thigh again.

“Eyes on me.”

In the fog of pleasure all you manage to get out is a weak. “Yes, sir.”

Opening your eyes, you see Roope straining a little as well. His cheeks are tinted and his breathing is really uneven. But his eyes are blown with pleasure, and as you guide his hand to your lower stomach where you can vaguely feel him moving in and out of you. It looks like a new fire has been ignited inside him.

His hand slips from yours as he lets it go to rub at your clit again. The pleasure almost becomes too much, and your eyes roll a little at the feeling.

“May I please cum, sir?”

You manage to moan out, barely remembering his demand from before.

“Hold it for like three seconds, I’m gonna count you down.”

So you look him in the eyes and let him blow out your back for a few more thrusts, and then he starts counting down.

“3”

His rhythm changes as he slows down and goes harder, deeper.

“2”

He moans as you clench around him.

“1, cum for me.”

And you do. It starts in your stomach, and like a warm tide it washes over your entire body. Roope fucks you through it, before he finally pulls out and with a loud groan he is jerking himself off, letting go in hot spurts all over your torso. He finishes and stares down at his personal masterpiece. With your rapidly raising stomach and chest covered in his cum, you can tell by the smirk on his lips. He’s satisfied.

“I’ll be right back.”

Roope says with a wink, and you just nod. Because even though you just had the best sex to date, you were trying to gather your thoughts. On how to get home. You don’t see where he goes, but you hear water running from a sink. When he’s back from the bathroom, you assume, he has a wet washcloth in hand and is wearing a fresh pair of boxers. Gently he wipes his cum from your chest and stomach, and a little in between your legs.

And you’re almost completely ruined by how gentle he is. But you have a promise to keep, and you’re not planning on betraying yourself. He leaves again to toss the cloth into the hamper. When he comes back, you have gathered your underwear and bra, and are standing on the floor on slightly shaky legs.

“You’re leaving?”

And that was really the first sign.

“Yeah, one time offer. Remember?”

You answer, looking for your jeans. Roope sweeps them off of the floor and hands them to you.

“Yeah, right.”

You get dressed in silence, and when your last sock is on. You straighten up.

“I’ll just find the way out myself.”

It’s meant to be casual, but Roope immediately refuses.

“No no, I’ll walk you out.”

And he does, following close behind you. You’ve just gotten your shoes on, when your phone pings. It’s a notification from uber that your ride is here. You’ve put your hand on the door knob and opened the door, when Roope, who was leaning against the wall, pulls you back and kisses you deeply.

“Next time you need an orgasm, give me a call.”

He says with a wink.

In the car back to your apartment, you can feel it. You’re not gonna get rid of Roope after what just went down in his bedroom. The worst part of it is that you’re not sure you want it to be a one time thing. Fuck.

#roope hintz #roope hintz smut #roope hintz imagine #roope hintz fic #dallas stars smut #dallas stars imagine #Dallas Stars Blurb #nhl #nhl smut #nhl fic

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alaskasmonsters · 3 years

Text

Gentle Hands | Shigaraki Tomura

with a quirk like shigaraki’s, physical touch had never been something another person had trusted him with. the fear of what he could do proved to be too great to get close enough. everyone was scared to touch him...everyone but you.

part two

pairing: shigaraki tomura x gn!reader

w.c: 3. 223

warnings: canon-typical violence, mentions of blood, descriptions of injuries, shigs is touch-starved :c

a.n: this took me way too long to turn out like this...i seriously don’t know what happened along the way but this was meant to go an entirely different direction...idek.

Shigaraki’s room was enveloped in darkness. The only source of light coming from where you had carefully cracked the door open after several unanswered knocks. It barely illuminated the small space inside, only revealing the silhouettes and rough placement of the furniture.

You’d never been inside of Shigaraki’s room before. There had never been a reason.

As the league’s personal medical support (or nurse, something Dabi liked to refer you to) you’d mostly only talked to any of them if there was an emergency that required your help. Then they’d meet you in the “living room” (you hesitated using homey words like that in connection to the hovel the members of the league had resided in the last few months).

Not that you didn’t get along with them, but you couldn’t really say you were particularly close with any of them. Criminals liked to keep their distance. Distance meant safety, it was the first rule in the handbook basically. Shigaraki was no different. He was the most mysterious of them you’d say, even more distanced with you it seemed. Saying there was no reason to grow attached to a NPC, like you were a dog that would be returned to their rightful owner soon anyway.

It didn’t bother you much. You knew the man needed his personal space, he had his reasons to be suspicious of new people, to be hesitant to let anyone too close...they all had.

That’s the price they paid in a life like that, or maybe they had already been like this before they ever became villains.

Entering Shigaraki’s room now and without permission was probably the closest you’ve ever come to being disintegrated, you thought as you carefully peeked inside. The guilt from intruding already crawled up your stomach. You wouldn’t normally do this, but you were worried after Kurogiri had told you about an “incident” this morning.

It had left Shigaraki badly injured and hiding himself in the darkness of his own four walls, since they had returned. Kurogiri hadn’t told you any details, but you could tell whatever happened had been bad, judging by his concerned tone when he’d requested you to look after the man. He asked you to heal him even if he were to refuse and you had agreed immediately, although you doubted you’d get close enough to Shigaraki if he didn’t want it.

The darkness was thick before your eyes, you could hardly tell the difference between the bed and the rest of the room. Not even the tv’s light was burning...you had expected Shigaraki to play a game if he really were as frustrated as Kurogiri had made it sound like.

The only reason you spotted a glimpse of where the man was located was due to the way the light reflected off the white strands of his hair. He was on the ground behind his bed.

“Shigaraki?” you called his name softly, not sure if he’d already noticed you or if maybe he’d fallen asleep.

You got no answer.

“Kurogiri sent me. Can I come in?”

You waited a minute, probably longer, but when there was still no answer you let out a heavy sigh.

“I’ll take that as a “I don’t mind either way”.”

You squeezed through the small space between the frame and the door, not daring to expose the man to more of the light he seemed to be so sensitive to. At least you guessed that that was the reason he was sitting in the darkness. Maybe he was just feeling emo, Shigaraki seemed the type.

You closed the door behind you, plunging the room into darkness again. This turned out to be a bad idea, since now you were both without sight and you had to slowly and carefully approach where you remembered the bed to be. You could only speak of luck you hadn’t bumped into anything before you made contact with the bedframe, using it to navigate closer to where you suspected Shigaraki to cower at, sliding down to sit on the ground as well.

You sat in silence for a while, making sure he didn’t want you to leave after all, but Shigaraki stayed quiet, the only sign he was still next to you was the sound of his ragged breathing.

You debated what would be the best approach. Should you scoot closer? Maybe you should start with telling him Kurogiri had sent you? Or maybe you could let the two of you stay in silence for a little while?

Approaching Shigaraki when he was in a vulnerable state was similar to a wild animal that had been injured. You had to be careful about it.

“You hurt your hands,” the words slipped your mouth.

Not careful enough.

Had you seriously gone with the worst approach you could have possibly chosen? Good job, Y/n!

Shigaraki didn’t curse you out so you guessed it was fine after all. Maybe his hands were off worse than you had initially thought...

“I want to fix them, if that’s alright but i’d need a little bit of light to do so,” you explained, keeping your voice quiet and calm.

There wasn’t an answer for several minutes. You started to grow restless, thinking that maybe you had overstepped a line, maybe it was better if you left again…

Before you could though you heard a grumbling agreement, barely audible, much closer than you had expected. A second later a dim light illuminated the small room.

You had to close your eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness before you could finally look at Shigaraki, who was sitting a few feet away from you, his back leaned against the matratze of his bed.

He looked miserable, his face was lowered so he couldn’t meet your eyes and his features were hidden by the messy white locks.

But what shocked you most was his hands. He had spread his fingers, palms up, on his lap so you saw the actual damage that the attacker had done.

His palms were blood-smeared, cut open, some cuts running so deep you thought you could see parts of the bone peaking out from between the damaged skin.

You felt bile rise up your throat at the view.

It looked painful, cruel. As if someone had tried to ruin his hands in the most painful way possible.

You inched closer, eyes trained on the damage.

Shigaraki tensed up as you scooted closer and you stopped immediately, looking up into his face, making sure you didn’t overstep again.

He was still avoidant of your eyes, shrunken in on himself with his shoulders hunched. He looked like a scared child to you...

“May I?” you asked him, desperately hoping he’d say yes.

His eyes only flickered between you and his hands once before he gave a soft nod.

You carefully reached out to grab the backside of his hands, meaning to pull them closer for you to inspect. The way Shugaraki froze at your touch made you pause and you realized with dread that you had forgotten to ask if it was okay to touch him. He must be in pain, of course he was.

You quickly removed your hands again, giving him a concerned look.

“I’m sorry Shigaraki-kun, did i hurt you?”

He frowned at your question, eyes quickly jumping between your expression and your hands just inches beneath his, waiting to reach out again if he’d allowed it.

He seemed conflicted for a second, but then he shook his head.

You chose not to question it, only giving a soft nod in response before reaching out again. This time you gently wrapped your fingers around his wrists instead, drawing his hands closer so you could inspect them better.

The light was still too dim to see the most gruesome parts of the injury, but even without it you could easily get an idea of what had occured.

The wounds were too deep, the blood that came out of the slashes in a dark flow...this wasn’t caused by a normal knife. Rather by another person’s quirk, one related to mutilation because how else would you describe the cruelty of the wounds inflicted.

It probably made it impossible to heal by itself, too.

Whoever did this had wanted to make Shigaraki’s quirk absolutely useless, damaging his hands beyond repair in the most cruel way.

And while you did know he’d caused a lot of pain with those hands, the idea someone had tried to mutilate them made you sick to your stomach.

You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down as you leaned down to hover just above Shigaraki’s hands.

Thankfully the league of villains had you and your quirk, seeing as you could heal almost everything, as long as the wound was still fresh and cells weren’t too damaged to manipulate.

Dabi had been the one to introduce you since he’d found you years before when you first started helping him with his unfit quirk. You weren’t a villain, only by association, but you’d always had a soft spot for difficult cases. You hadn’t been able to heal his scars then, since the cells were already dead and the injuries were old and your quirk wouldn’t let you revive anything. But you’d suggested to take care of all the newer wounds

Now you were working with the league of villains or maybe helped out was a better way to phrase it, considering the only method of payment you’d receive was fast food.

You focused your attention on Shigaraki’s injuries, leaning even closer to be able to see everything up close. It was necessary to use your quirk appropriately.

“Ready?” you asked, eyes searching for Shigaraki.

They were wide and attentive. He looked nervous if you had to guess, although he would have denied it if you had asked.

He gave you a nod and you smiled at him, giving his wrists a reassuring squeeze. You decided to ignore the way his eyebrows knit together at the gesture. You imagined he didn’t like touch very much.

You shift your attention to his left palm first, removing your hand from where they had gripped the man’s wrist to let it hover over the injured skin. The tell-tale sign of buzzing spread through your skin as you focused all your senses on the damage you’d been inspecting.

The sight of the cuts running oh so deep, the smell of iron stinging your nose, the feeling of broken and ruined skin and bones and muscles.

A green light, slowly growing brighter and bigger, more intense in color too formed and enveloped your hand. Your fingers inching closer and closer to the bloodied and ripped skin. Just right before your hand would touch his you stopped, the light now extending until it was enveloping his hand as well.

Shigaraki’s fingers twitched, his wrist tensed under your touch. You pressed down on the juncture to reassure him you’d hurry up.

You watched his skin pulling bac, his hands shaking a little when you concentrated on repairing the muscles that have been torn apart before.

It was a slow process, you knew that. You were known for officiency not speed, after all. And you were aware it hurt, probably just as terrible as when the blade had ripped through his skin in the first place. Regenerating injuries like this would usually take weeks and months, a dozen operations and it still would never go back to the way it once was. Doing it your way, basically forcing the cells to regenerate, speeding up the natural process and enhancing it...it took energy from both you and him.

His breathing was ragged, his arm was shaking in your grip, more intense than before and you hated it, hated knowing he was hurting and you couldn’t do anything to make the process go smoother for him, make it hurt any less.

All you could think of was running your thumb over the inside of his wrists, trying to reassure him like that. Trying to signal him that it would be over soon.

You didn’t know if it helped but you certainly felt his body freeze up for a moment. Maybe that was just because of the procedure though.

You watched the skin grow over again, slowly, and leave behind a slightly bloodied but smooth skinned palm. Shigaraki sank back into his seat, letting out a small huff as the pain stopped.

You took the time to inspect his palm, letting your fingers glide over the smooth skin and noting how it all seemed to be back to how they were originally with joy.

“Does your left hand feel okay? Flex your fingers a little.”

When he stayed still you looked up, Shigaraki’s gaze already focused on your face. There was something unreadable in the way he looked at you. He almost looked confused.

You bit your lip, glancing between his hands and his face as dread slowly rose in your stomach.

“You can flex your fingers...right?” you asked nervously.

What if you made a mistake? What if you messed up with his muscles?

Shigaraki’s finger twitched, before he bent them. Spreading them apart before creating a fist. You quickly pulled your hand away to leave him the room to move around a little, returning to tap his skin once more when you saw he was done.

“You feel that?” you asked, less nervous now that you knew that he could still move it.

The only answer you got was a grunt but that’s all you needed.

You moved on to his right hand then. Clasping his wrist with one hand to stabilize him and raising your other just above his palm. You repeated the procedure once more, green light enveloping both your hands as your face was set into a deep frown of concentration.

You stroked his wrist with your thumb once more as soon as you felt Shigaraki tense up again.

He was trembling even harder this time and you couldn’t tell if it was only because he was already exhausted or because this hand had been through more damage.

All you could feel was that the level of damage must be similar, the time it took you to fix the connections of the muscles felt about the same. Then his skin grew over slowly.

You repeated your check up, smoothing your fingers over the skin of his palm and telling him to flex his fingers. He reacted quicker this time, clenching and unclenching his fist a few times.

You gave his wrist a last squeeze before you let go, satisfied and happy you’d done a good job. Of course you wouldn’t know for sure until a few days later when Shigaraki was able to tell you if his hands were giving him any problems. But for now Shigaraki looked a lot better.

His pale face had filled with a little bit of color again, although his eyes were weirdly unfocused as he lowered his head to inspect his hands. You watched him in confusion, as he flexed his fingers again. Wasn’t he sure if you’ve done a good job? Did he feel pain?

“Is everything alright? Wait, lemme see again.”

You leaned forward, softly gripping his hands to pull them closer to inspect once more. Shigaraki froze up at the contact again and you frowned when you saw that the skin was all smooth and fixed, giving no reason for the man to act so tensed up.

You searched his eyes, only finding him already staring at you with an undefinable look in his eyes. You were just about to open your mouth to ask him about it. Not necessarily why he was acting so weirdly, but more specifically what haunted him.

Before you could do that, he surprised you with pulling his hands back before opening his palms which were facing upwards.

You watched in confusion.

He stretched his fingers, raising his hand upwards. The motion made you cock your head to the side. He was looking at you with narrowed eyes, clearly expecting something from you. Thinking you knew what he tried to ask of you you placed your hand on top of his, noticing him spreading his thumb apart to not touch you with all five of his fingers.

Shigaraki searched your face for a reaction but you didn’t know what kind of reaction that was supposed to be.

“I knew you were kinda crazy but that’s another level.”

“Excuse me?” you gaped at him.

“Only a crazy person wouldn’t be afraid to touch me.”

Gears started turning in your head and your cheeks heated up at the realization that that had been the reason why he’d frozen up. He wasn’t used to touch. He had been probably overwhelmed having your hands all over him.

“Oh...I guess I trust you wouldn’t disintegrate my hands.”

He raised an eyebrow at you.

“I’m useful aren’t i? Maybe I'd be more worried about a foot or knee cap but I kinda need my hands for the healing.”

He hummed in agreement, seemingly satisfied knowing you weren’t a total moron.

Although to be quite honest you weren’t so sure if you’d flinch from his touch even if it was directed towards your face. You didn’t know if you had it in you to mistrust him. When it had come to this point you didn’t know, somewhere along the way you had just stopped questioning your growing positive feelings towards the leader of the league of villains (and the other members as well).

Sometimes you liked to think both of you had mutual respect for each other. Enough to not randomly disintegrate the other person, that was.

“I’m sorry i made you uncomfortable, though. I should have asked beforehand.”

He snorted, fingers flexing under your grip, bending to run them over the palms of your hand.

“I don’t mind,” he muttered.

You didn’t think it was all he had wanted to say, but whatever else tried to leave his mouth was held back by Shigaraki biting his lip. You didn’t question it.

The man continued exploring your skin and you spread your fingers a little wider to give him more access. It was fascinating to you, how curiously he was exploring your skin, like a small child eager to experience new sensations. He had cocked his head to the side, eyeing you from beneath his hair, calculating, waiting.

He reached for your hand and you let him. Let him grip and turn it, until he could easily intertwine his fingers with yours, hesitant and careful to touch you, mindful to spread his pinky to not touch your skin.

You felt your cheeks heat up at the gesture, curiously glancing up at the man that was so hesistant with physical touch usually.

“Shigaraki-kun?”

He shook his head, eyes focused on your hands

“Tomura.”

You smiled, surprised but satisfied for some reason.

“Tomura,” you whispered, closing your grip around his hands.

Taglist: @crystal-lilac

#shigaraki tomura #bnha #mha #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki oneshot #shigaraki tomura oneshot #shigaraki fluff #shigaraki tomura fluff #bnha oneshots #bnha fluff #mha fluff #mha oneshot #bnha x reader #mha x reader

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ijustwant2write · 3 years

Text

The Miracle Question-Bucky Barnes x Reader

(GIF credit to @sebastianruinedme)

Summary: When Bucky doesn’t tell (Y/N) that he missed his appointment, nearly getting into trouble with the government, she becomes furious and upset with him. She demands to have a session with him, wondering if their relationship is as stable as they thought it was, and if it’s actually making Bucky worse. To add to her anger, the new ‘Captain America’ decides to step in.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader (platonic), John Walker x Reader (acquaintances), Lemar Hoskins x Reader (acquaintances)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Mentions of therapy, arguing, slight violence, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why would he do something like this and not tell me? He was doing so well with his appointments, and although I knew he wasn't enjoying them, at least he was going so he could get them over and done with. We hardly spoke of them, he was never the one to bring up the topic, it was always me; I just wanted to know how he was doing, I cared for him so much, and it was hurting me to think he wasn't able to open up.

"Sam." I got his attention as I briskly walked into the police station.

"Hey," he could see I was upset, immediately using a calmer tone,"he's alright. His therapist is here, she's got everything sorted."

"But why did it take me watching a video on twitter of my boyfriend being arrested to know about this?"

No one had called. Surely I was one of his emergency contacts? And if I (bizarrely) wasn't, why hadn't Sam called me?

Sam sighed."He didn't want you to know. He missed an appointment he had to go to and-"

"Didn't want me to know?!" I raised my voice, not caring if I grabbed the attention of anyone around us.

Sam held up his hands, trying to quieten me."Look, I'm not getting involved with your personal matters. That's up to you two. Just keep your voice down, we are in a police station."

I scoffed in disbelief."Why didn't he want me to know? He knew I would be angry, but I would never argue about it with him, or make him feel bad about it. I would support him."

"I know you wouldn't, and so does he. Bucky is still getting used to opening up, even with you. He just doesn't want to hurt you."

“Sam,” an older woman interrupted us,“I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Doctor Raynor, I’m James’ therapist.”

They shook hands.“It’s so nice to meet you.”

Raynor put her attention on me, also shaking my hand.“You must be (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the girlfriend. I’ve also heard a lot about you.”

“You have? Oh, didn’t think he would talk about me that much.”

“Thank you for getting him out.” Sam quickly interjected.

“Oh, that was not me.”

“Christina!” another voice called out.

We all turned to see who called, and I almost rolled my eyes when I saw who it was. John Walker, the new ‘Captain America’, was headed our way, almost swaggering. People immediately wanted pictures which he agreed to, and although I know Steve might have done the same in some cases, it wouldn’t be a priority for him, nor would he look like was was enjoying it. Although I didn’t want to judge others before knowing them, America had given the title to some random man, forgetting that Steve was not only a hero, but a friend and family to people like us.

“It’s great to see you again.” Walker said as he shook someone’s hand.

“You gotta be kidding me, you know him?” Sam mumbled.

“Yeah, we did some field ops back in the day.”

“Heard you were working with Bucky so I thought I would step in.” he said as he approached.“Bucky’s not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer.”

“We haven’t finished our work. Who’s authorised this?”

“Um...” he smiled as he gestured to himself.

Who was he to come in here and change everything? Bucky was doing well in his therapy sessions...or at least I assumed he was, we never spoke about it. And I hated the way he called him ‘Bucky’; only close ones were allowed to call him that.

A loud buzzer sounded throughout the station, and I whipped my head around, relieved to see Bucky walking out with two police officers. I no longer listened to Walker, running towards my boyfriend. He easily caught me as I threw my arms around him, not caring that the policemen escorting him out were watching.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, seeming both worried and annoyed.

“Bucky, you got arrested! I had to come see you, make sure you’re OK. Why didn’t you get someone to call me? Also, why did you miss your session anyway?”

“It’s a long story. And it’s not worth telling.”

“What are you talking about?”

Bucky’s eye line was now on Walker as he shouted over his shoulder,“I’ll be outside.”

Before I could say anything else, Dr. Raynor spoke,“James, condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam and (Y/N).”

“That’s OK. I’ll be out here with-”

She interrupted Sam.“That wasn’t a request.”

Bucky was silent as he slid away, reluctantly following the doctor. I tried holding his hand, but he was making it difficult to even grab it in the first place. My heart sank at the thought of Bucky not wanting me there, not even wanting to be comforted. When these sessions first began, he would come home and want to be held, be comforted; sometimes he asked if he could hold me, just to ensure that I was there with him, that I could feel safe in his arms. That was happening less and less now, it scared me to think he didn’t want this relationship anymore.

We were sat in an interrogation room, Dr Raynor on one side and two chairs on the other. She told Bucky and I to sit first, and that she would deal with Sam later. Nerves suddenly washed over me, petrified of what sort of answers Bucky was going to give.

“OK, so we can all sense a lot of tension in this room. And although I’m going in a slightly unprofessional route, I feel that we all need to do this to ensure you are all OK, that is my job after all. So, who wants to go first?”

She looked between me and Bucky. Part of me wanted to get the confrontation out of the way, perhaps that would make things go quicker and we would get out of here sooner. But my fear held me back.

“No volunteers? Wow, that’s surprising. Okay. We’re going to do any exercise. It’s something I use with couples when they are trying to figure out what sort of life they wanna build together. Are you familiar with the miracle question?”

I nodded.“Yes.”

“No.” Bucky answered at the same time.

“OK, it goes like this. Suppose that while you’re sleeping, a miracle occurs. When you wake up, what is something that you would like to see that would make your life better?”

Shit, that was deep. There’s a million things I could think of that I wanted with Bucky. We used to talk about it all the time. He wanted security in knowing that I wanted a life with him, and I wanted the same, hoping that one day it would happen. Glancing at him, Bucky was slouched in the chair, staring at his hands folded together on his lap. It didn’t look like he was going to be saying anything soon, so I took the first step.

“Um...” I started, unsure how to word this.“I would want to take away any suffering Bucky has gone through, so that he could have a somewhat normal life, and didn’t have to force himself through things like this. No offence doctor. That way he wouldn’t have to feel pressured into opening up and he would tell me anything that was on his mind.”

“That’s a good start.” Raynor slowly said.“And it’s a very sweet sentiment, but it’s what you want, (Y/N).”

“That is what I want. All I want is for Bucky to be happy, I love him.”

“Again, very sweet, I know you care about him very much. But let’s try looking at it a different way. You want your miracle to be that James opens up more. That he lets you into the side of his life you don’t get to see in person.”

“I...I guess.”

“You feel left out of the equation, because James won’t express how he’s feeling?”

“Yeah, when you put it like that, that’s what I want. I want my boyfriend to be able to feel like he can tell me anything, no matter how gruesome, traumatic or even little it is.”

“Right. Glad we got there in the end. OK James, your turn.”

I watched in anticipation for Bucky to speak. What if I had messed things up? What if that was the opposite of what he wanted?

“My miracle would be...not having you involved in that side of things.”

He didn’t even look at me as he spoke. He also didn’t look phased by his answer. So his miracle would be to not have me know about a huge part of his life? He was a hero for god’s sake! Why was he shutting me out? What had I done to deserve this? Had I hurt him in some way that made him feel that he couldn’t talk to me anymore?

“What? Bucky, have I done something to upset you?”

“I just think it would be easier for both of us.”

“You know I’m always here for you, right? We’ve spoke about this before, I don’t understand why you’re only expressing this now.”

Raynor tried to get us back on track.“Alright you two, I think we need to dissect this-”

“I’m sorry doctor but I would like Bucky to elaborate more on this matter, because I’m not fully understanding.”

“What’s not to understand?” he finally looked at me, but I hated this expression. It was as if I had asked the stupidest question in the world.

“Bucky, why are you being like this? You used to tell me about everything, what’s changed?”

He didn’t answer. I just scoffed, hastily grabbing my handbag and coat.

“(Y/N), please sit down.” Raynor asked.

“I can’t. I can’t sit here and wait for an explanation that I’m not going to get. Just focus on the two heroes, I’ll find out about all of this never.”

I rushed out of the room, breathing heavily as I tried not to cry, but my eyes were already watering. Ignoring looks from people in the waiting room, I couldn’t stop myself from starting to cry. Although I had every reason to be upset that my boyfriend wasn’t communicating with me anymore, I also felt slightly guilty for just storming out of there. Maybe we would have resolved it.

“Miss, you OK?”

Oh, I did not want to deal with Walker right now. He would only piss me off.

“Do you need help? We can provide assistance if you need it.”

Although I had wanted to walk away, I knew I should have, my feet were already leading me towards him. I was embarrassed that I was still crying, but I tried to block that from my mind by now. He was leaning against a police car with his friend, who’s name I hadn’t bothered learning.

“You don’t look so good, shall we get a cop to drive you home?”

“Who do you think you are?!” I snapped.

“Well, I’m Captain America-”

“No, you’re someone who thinks they’re anything close to what Steve was. He didn’t go around introducing himself as Captain America, He didn’t care about the title. I understand you’re under a lot of pressure Walker, Steve has a huge legacy to live up to. But don’t you dare come waltzing in expecting those two amazing men to immediately work alongside you like nothing has changed.”

“You got all of that out of your system?”

My eyes widened at him.“Are you serious right now?”

“Look,” his friend butted in,“we just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get mixed up in this. We’re dealing with something major here, it could effect the whole world.”

“Sorry, but who are you?”

He rolled his eyes.“Come on man, how many times? It’s Battlestar.”

My face remained emotionless.

“Lemar Hoskins? You know, the new Captain America with his-”

“I don’t think she cares.” Walker explained.

“You think I don’t know anything about trying to save the world? My friends are part of the Avengers, my boyfriend fought against Thanos. He disappeared in the Blip and I was left by myself wondering if he would ever come back. I’ve been targeted, I’ve seen aliens close up. Nothing could effect me now.”

“Well, I’m sorry you’ve had to endure that.”

“Do you two just not listen to anyone but yourselves?”

“(Y/N), listen,” Walker dared to put his hand on my shoulder,“you’re a normal citizen like us. No super powers, no hidden strength, yet here you are with a super soldier that’s over a hundred years old! I mean, do the maths here, you could have walked away from all this danger. And yet, here you are, by yourself at a police station, whilst your boyfriend cares more about his ‘job’ than making sure you’re safe.”

That was it, the last straw. I slapped his hand off of me, preparing to punch him square in the face, when someone pulled me back.

“No (Y/N)!” Sam raised his voice as he made sure to distance me away from Walker. He quickly stood in between us.

“What did you do, Walker!?” Bucky quickly stormed over.“Did you touch her?!”

Sam was desperately trying to diffuse the situation, knowing that people could be watching.“Bucky, calm down.”

“Did he do anything to you?” Bucky asked me quietly, his hands cupping my face as he looked over me.

My heart raced at the gesture, forgetting for a second that I was upset with him. I shook my head with his hands still on me, and they slid down my arms, one wrapping around my waist to keep me close to him.

“I didn’t touch her Bucky, I was just trying to....you know what, it’s not even important. Can we talk, privately?”

“(Y/N) is staying.”

Walker sighed.“Look, if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance, you guys know that.”

“So what do you got?” Sam said.

“Well the leader’s name’s Karli Morgenthau. We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place.”

Lemar spoke up.“They geotagged a location, then scrambled the signal. But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe.”

“We think she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of these camps.” Walker added.

“Well, there are a lot of those all over the planet since the Blip.” Bucky pointed out.

“Hundreds probably.” I said.

“So I guess you’ll have to look real hard.”

Walker smirked.“Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?”

“Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?”

“No, we don’t know, Bucky.” Walker was agitated.“It’s only a matter of time before we find out.”

Bucky had to push his buttons even more.“Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?”

Sam came to stand between us and Walker.“Take it easy. Look, Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them. But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorization you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible. So it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.”

Sam and Bucky turned away, Bucky guiding me with him. Walker called after us.

“A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”

I instantly became defensive.“What the hell is that supposed to mean-”

“It’s OK.” Bucky reassured me, making sure I didn’t go back. Frustrated that Walker got the last word, I hesitantly followed my boyfriend.

“Hold up,” Sam stopped us,“I think you two need a quick chat before we delve into anything else. You both know that this is something big, we don’t know what we’re fully dealing with yet or how to fix it. Before we do all of that, you two better resolve whatever happened back there. I’ll be waiting Buck.”

We both watched Sam walk away, unsure how to start this conversation. He clearly showed that he still cared for me back there, but should I still be worried that our relationship was headed in a rocky direction?

“You OK?”

“Honestly? No, not really.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Do you realise how much you hurt me back there? I don’t want you to feel like you can’t speak to me anymore. And about me not being involved; what do you think the last years have been like? I know everything, you’ve expressed so much to me, opened up about your past. Why has that suddenly changed?”

“Because we have a chance now. The world is...relatively back to normal. I got an opportunity to make sure you’re safer, keep all of these nightmares away from you, not pass on my torture to you.”

“Bucky...what have the past years been for? Nothing needs to change. Just because things are getting back to how they used to be, it doesn’t mean we need to forget about the past. If I don’t know what’s going on with you, how can I look after you? How can I help you?”

“You shouldn’t have to do this-”

“I already made that decision when I knew I wanted to be with you. But we can’t revert back to how it was Bucky, not after all the work and effort we put in.”

“I’m sorry. I really thought I could make everything better.”

I sighed, reaching out to hold his hand.“They already were. I know whatever you’ve got yourself into is big, but I’m here for you Bucky, I always will be.”

“I’m sorry again, I’ll make sure I keep opening up to you. That’s the least you deserve.”

I went on my tip toes to kiss him, still worried despite everything he had said. Bucky was still fragile, but now he was on another mission. I wasn’t sure if it was the best thing for him, something for him to focus on. Or it could send him in a spiral, and I wouldn’t know anything about it. I had to stay close to this mission, even if it meant I was in danger. Though what would change there? I had to keep an eye on him, I had to make sure he was OK. I loved him too much to let him slip back into the dark.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fan fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes one shot #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #winter soldier imagine #winter soldier imagines #winter soldier one shot #winter soldier x reader #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier

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eunoiaflow3r · 3 years

Text

hard 2 face reality // spencer reid x fem!reader

spencer reid x reader

aaron hotchner x reader

part one - part three

a/n: a lot of people asked for part 2 to “not ur friend.” omg i didn’t expect it to blow up like it did. sorry this isnt the fluff conclusion you guys wanted...but i’m willing to make this a series maybe? idk it’s up to you guys. thank you for your feedback and support. (see notes at end)

also i tagged all the people who commented on part one.

warning(s): language. angst. not proofread. will be mistakes.

word count: 2.9k wow.

request(ed): yes. very requested. thank you @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks for this idea.

summary: after hearing something she shouldn’t have, she has to deal with explanations and tough decisions.

hard 2 face reality by poo bear ft. justin beiber and jay electronics.

—————————————&————————————

sometimes it’s hard to face reality...even though you might get mad at me.

It’s ironic sometimes.

The twists and turns of life and the paths it puts you down. Sometimes you believed in fate but right now it only felt like a pain in the ass. Whoever was controlling your strings you hoped they would just give you a break, but no. There was always something more.

Last night, you had a dream. There was a memory within the dream. You and Spencer were cuddling on the couch watching a movie and his fingers were combing through your hair. From where you were, it was more like you were witnessing it instead of actually living it. You were just watching yourself fall harder for the man behind you. You were content. Happy even. You forgot all about your issues and problems and conflicts. You forgot about what Spencer said and the things he had done. You just forgot.

You watched as he took his fingers out of your hair and pushed you away. The you that you were watching was confused and so were you. Why would he do that? What was wrong with him? This wasn’t the memory.

Dream Spencer got up, put his shoes on, grabbed his bag, and was halfway out the door. Before he left completely he said, “We’re just friends. You’re not enough for me. You never will be.”

Dream you just sat there and stared blankly.

Your eyes opened and you stared up at your ceiling in sorrow. The tears just kept coming and you tried to keep yourself quiet but it was so hard, and you were so tired. You hated to admit it but you were in love with him. You were in love with a man who didn’t feel the same way. A man who did nothing but play you and pretend you were nothing. A man who lied.

How did this happen?

How did you end up in a position where you were in a cold bed crying about a man who was unphased? Someone who didn’t find anything wrong with their actions? How could you love someone who would never find the way to love you back and treat you right no matter how hard you wished? No matter how hard you hoped?

How could you do this to yourself?

And to think - in a few hours you’d have to wake up and see him again. After everything you realized and have come to terms with you’d have to see the man who was responsible for the ache in your heart.

————————————&———————————

When Spencer woke up the first thing he thought about was work. How he didn’t really want to go but he knows he has to. He thought about how heart wrenching the case he’s been on for the last week has been. He thought about how today he might actually be able to solve it...and then he thought about you.

He’d be seeing you.

Hotch invited you to help with the case. He figured your skill set would be exactly what they needed to solve it.

And yeah, you there definitely was for the better of the case but was it for the better of him?

He had no idea what to do. You were mad at him. You weren’t answering his phone calls or his texts and he figured out that you heard the conversation and he gets that maybe calling you a grandmother was wrong, but really what did he do?

He knew he missed you. He missed being able to rant to you, and you consoling him. He missed the movie days you guys had...but he could watch them on his own...right? He could figure out his own problems...he didn’t need anyone to help him. Especially not you. Not someone getting upset about the smallest of things.

That was so rude of you. Why would you ignore him? Why wouldn’t you reply to his texts are calls?

He thought that that was pretty selfish of you.

And yeah sure, maybe calling you clingy was a lie but was that really something to ignore him over? To throw it all away for?

Should've been adjusted to my life, had the opportunity to stay away for the last time...now you’re standin’ right in front of me. It hurts me to know that I lied. Tryna protect your feelings... you read in between the lines Hope your heart has started healing

You arrived.

He saw you, bag over your shoulder, going straight towards Hotch’s office and ignoring him.

Not even a hello? Not a good morning? You hadn’t even looked at Emily or Morgan either. What had they done? What had he done?

From what he could tell you had been crying, but you covered it well. If it was anyone but him they wouldn’t have been able to tell but he could. Did you miss him too? Were you hurting?

———————————-&————————————

“Is something going on between you and Reid?”

Hotch was looking at you expecting an answer but you didn’t know what to tell him. According to Reid nothing had ever been going on.

“No. I’m really just trying to focus here.”

Hotch nodded. “Good.”

Truth is, it was very hard to ignore Spencer. He seemed so oblivious that it made you feel sorry for him. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t feel sorry for him. He wasn’t the one crying his eyes out at night and cussing out rom coms when they came on the television.

And you could tell he didn’t feel the same. He didn’t look how you felt. He looked conflicted, but he didn’t look sorry or hurt. His normalcy pained you. Had you really meant that little? Maybe you were over exaggerating things. No. You deserved an explanation - but you weren’t ready to hear it.

A while ago...

“Okay Y/N cover your eyes!”

You giggled. “No, Spencer why?”

“Just do it! I promise you’ll like it.”

You were sat criss crossed on the couch and Spencer was behind you with something in his hands. Before you could look at it he told you to close your eyes and he hid it behind his back. You smiled and closed your eyes waiting for whatever the surprise was.

You felt his fingers move your hair out of the way and you felt a coolness along your neck.

A necklace.

“Okay open.”

You could feel him grinning. You opened your eyes and looked down at your chest. You nearly gasped. On the end of the necklace was a miniature glass sculpture. When you met at the museum you told him that they were your favorite.

He remembered.

You held it in your hand and turned around to kiss him. He was a bit surprised but held your face in his hands and kissed you back.

“L/N!” You were snapped out of your head. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry.”

The necklace. You can’t believe you were still wearing it. It felt like the only thing holding you together which was strange since glass was so fragile. The metal necklace part felt like it was burning you. The happy memory burned you. You took the necklace from under your sweater and ripped it off your neck. You couldn’t wear it anymore. It hurt you, but you couldn’t hold on.

Reality is kinda hard to face, like actual facts is for flat-earthers. Rains a requirement for flowers to grow, and pains a requirement for power to grow. It’s a miracle how one can change, from one what was just hours ago.

When you got home that day you were happy and running on adrenaline. Yeah, you had to see Spencer...but you helped solve a case. You helped save someone. It was tiring, and gruesome just like what Spencer said but the feeling you get after helping someone? Unexplainable.

After changing out of your work clothes and into some jeans and a shirt, you’d thought you’d treat yourself to dinner. Maybe that would help you forget. Forget and move on. Besides, it was a nice little diner and you used to be a regular. You had wanted to bring Spencer but he never wanted to go. He never wanted to go out.

His loss.

When you got there the familiar scent of vanilla and cinnamon wafted through. You had missed this. When everything was so simple and uncomplicated. When you could be you. Not wondering if today was the day Spencer would decide to come over or not. Or to even call. You could finally breathe. You weren’t in your stuffy apartment. You weren’t in a Spence filled work place. You were where you considered home in a city away from it.

“Y/N, hey!” Em the waitress called you over. You would consider her a friend. You two had always talked when you came through.

“Hey!” She went in for a hug and you hugged her back.

“Where have you been?”

You sighed. “Busy.”

She nodded. She understood. From there she asked you where you wanted to sit. You were just going to request the counter since you were alone, but when a little boy came up to you yelling your name, and wrapped his arms around you...you didn’t have the time to answer. It was little Jack.

“Hey buddy!” You hugged him back.

You looked around for Hotch. What a coincidence. He smiled and waved you over. You and Jack walked over to the booth and Hotch stood and hugged you. “I’m so sorry about Jack.”

“Oh no, it’s fine!”

About two years ago Hotch hired you to babysit Jack every once in a while. You needed the money. You were making enough from the paintings you sold but you needed more to finish college and save up. You weren’t going to some big expensive college or anything but still.

A little while later you met Spencer and it just became and inside joke.

“Would you like to eat with us?” Hotch asked.

“I don’t want to intrude Hotch...”

“Aaron.” He corrected while smiling. “Please, join us.”

And you did. You ate dinner with Aaron and Jack and you were having fun. This past month you had been moping around feeling sorry for yourself but you were actually happy. There was still that pain in your chest, and a part of you that longed to call Spencer and talk to him - but you wouldn’t. You couldn’t.

After dinner Em invited you to go clubbing with her on Saturday. At first you were going to turn her down but you thought...why not? You didn’t have to stay up waiting for Spencer to call anymore. You didn’t have to cook or plan to order in in case Spencer decided to stop by. You didn’t have any plans.

“Sure Em, I’ll be there.”

“Great.”

She walked behind the counter and looked from you to Hotch. Like a suggestive look. Like a “ask him too!” look. And you weren’t ready for anything, and wasn’t even sure if you liked Aaron that way, and you still were in a gray area with Spencer...but you thought it’d be rude not to ask.

“Aaron...”

He nodded, urging you to go on.

“Do you want to go with me Saturday? I mean...I don’t really want to be alone..Em has a girlfriend and it might be fun.”

He laughs and scratches the back of his neck. “Yes Y/N I’ll go.”

When you got home and ready for bed you had this weight in your stomach. There was a lump in your throat, and your fingers tensed. You thought about Hotch and it made you feel like you were cheating on Spencer. But you weren’t. You and Spencer weren’t together. There was no need to feel guilty.

He didn’t.

———————————-&————————————

That Saturday came soon enough and you weren’t sure if you were ready. Physically yeah, you showered and got ready...but emotionally? Mentally? Was this a date? Had you asked Aaron out? Were you ready for that? Had you moved on from Spencer? No, of course not. But Aaron wasn’t a distraction either. You could never do that to him no matter how bad you felt. Never.

Your doorbell rang and when you opened it you were surprised to see Hotch...not in a suit. It fit him and you could admit it...he looked...really good.

“You clean up nice.” You said laughing a bit to yourself.

He looked you up and down. “So do you.”

He looked a bit taken aback and you could see he was a bit flushed and that made you a bit happy. You liked giving people that kind of reaction. It gave you just a bit of confidence you needed. Especially tonight, where you’d try not to think about Spencer.

When you got there you were glad it wasn’t too busy. The music wasn’t that loud either and you were glad because then you got to dance without immediately getting a headache. Your first dance was with Hotch but then he saw one of his friends from college (he’s a lawyer now) and then started talking to him. You didn’t mind. You actually kind of liked being alone. It gave you you time to think. But not about Spencer.

No. Not tonight you wouldn’t.

You wasted too many tears on him to be thinking of him while you were supposed to be having fun. He didn’t deserve your thoughts. He didn’t deserve your tears. He didn’t deserve movie nights, or cuddles, or sex, or kisses, or waiting, he didn’t deserve -

Spencer.

Spencer Reid.

You thought you were dreaming, but you weren’t. He was just a little bit away from you with JJ on his arm. “Just coworkers.” You wanted to say it didn’t hurt you, you did, but your heart broke. In a million little pieces. Had he not want to get serious with you because he was in love with her. It makes sense, everything about that makes sense but it didn’t hurt any less. It didn’t make the tears in your eyes stop, it didn’t make the ache in your chest dim but at least it made sense.

Know it hurts to see the truth in your face, circumstances bring you down to your knees. Go on and cry an ocean, but don’t drown in it. Enough to put your heart at ease. Oh don’t lose your self esteem. I apologize for being a man. It’s way harder than what it seems.

You grabbed your bag from Hotch and told him you needed to go outside for a minute. He asked you if you wanted him to go with you but you needed to be alone. You wanted to be by yourself to fight these tears. You couldn’t cry in front of him.

He gave you his coat which was much too big but still appreciated.

Once you were outside you took your phone out to check your face. Your nose was red but the few tears hadn’t ruined anything. You were fine. You were going to be okay. Everything was alright.

Until it wasn’t .

“Y/N?”

Fucking Spencer.

You turned around to see Spencer Reid walking towards you with a confused look on his face.

“Hey.” he said. Hey? Hey?? What the hell were you supposed to say to that? Hey?

He cleared his throat. “Things are weird, right?”

“Weird?” you scoffed.

“Y/N, it’s been a month! I don’t understand what I did! You just stopped talking to me even after I tried to apologize! What more can I do?”

He stopped for a second, “Is that Hotch’s jacket?” He stepped forward to take a look at it but you flinched away. “Don’t tell me that’s Hotch’s -“

“You were hiding me Spencer. You said the equivalent to hanging out with me was of visiting a grandmother. You never wanted to hang out unless it was on your terms and you called me clingy and suffocating when I NEVER asked you for more. I NEVER went out of my way to ask you for anything and you treat me like this? Like I’m replaceable? After everything we’ve been through? After all we’ve talked about and experienced? What’s your excuse for that Spencer? What could you possibly have to say that would explain that?”

He opened his mouth and closed it again.

“If I were to have called you and said ‘Yup, everything is fine Spence we can go back to normal.’ It would have gone back to normal! YOUR normal! A normal where I’m hidden like a side chick but you get to be in public with JJ on your arm! Fucking JJ! And yeah, we never put a label on it but YOU made it clear that we weren’t to fuck other people. That was YOUR decision! She was the girl you said I didn’t have to worry about and here we are.”

Spencer was silent. He looked to the floor, and said nothing. His fingers ran through his disheveled hair and his lip was quivering.

“So this is because of JJ?” he asked.

“Fuck you.”

————————————&———————————

He watched as you walked into the club and back out again with Hotch. Before you went in his car though you walked over to Spencer and put the necklace into his hand. Silently you walked over to Hotch and got in the passenger seat.

Spencer didn’t know what to do.

This was your necklace. He gave it to you. It was yours to keep. Yours to wear, cherish, and hold. Why would you give it back? It was supposed to make you happy and help you remember him. Instead it was in his hands unworn but the girl he had hurt. What was he supposed to do?

JJ found him outside but he said nothing to her the whole ride when he took her home. He was thinking about you. He was thinking about what you said. You were right.

When he got home he looked at the box of things you gave him. There were polaroid pictures of the two of you and he started shaking as he cried. What had he done? How could he have been so selfish?

You were right.

Truth was he did like JJ, and he had been hiding you. He had been treating you unfairly. He had been a jerk and he had done every single thing you said he did.

He was all of the names you were calling him in your head.

Every single one.

He held the glass sculpture necklace in his hands and could feel his tears running down his face falling on it.

Even though he fucked up, and had something weird with JJ, he realized...he was in love with you.

Sometimes it's hard to face reality.

—————————————-&————————————-

literally wtf is this. what in the love triangles - anyway. ik you guys wanted fluff so...part 3? idk. should reader have a thing with hotch? should she choose hotch or reid?

feedback always appreciated. it pushed me to write this.

taglist: @hotchsbabygirl @pinkdiamond1016 @thefemalestorywriter @sizzlingclamturtlesludge @samyilf123

comment tag list: @peculiarinsomniac @mgg-theprettiestboy @187-reid @realalpacorn @wooya1224 @minami97 @studywithrosie01 @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks @meowiemari @thedaughterofhotchniss @reniescarlett @lovelyspencerreid @ashwarren32 @fantastic-fans @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @psych0crybaby @drreidsconverse @castbyfox

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anabsolutetrainwreck · 3 years

Text

got my devotion || h. styles

sequel to ‘i can hate you sometimes’

warnings: mentions of sex & alcohol

word count: 2k

summary: you and harry work through your first argument as a couple...

part one.

“So, are we meant to believe that all of a sudden you don’t despise each other?” Sarah asked, her eyes flicking between Harry and yourself.

Harry shrugged, “Despise is a strong word.”

Sarah sent him a bored look, “Don’t act like you haven’t moaned about Y/N before.”

Suddenly, Mitch said, “Maybe it was more of a ‘I like you so I’ll pretend I hate you’?”

You looked between the three of them, shifting uncomfortably. Harry’s hand was resting on your lower back as the two of you sat opposite Sarah and Mitch. The night Harry and yourself had shared a few weeks ago was nothing but beautiful. And, for the most part, all of your friends had been supportive at the news of you and Harry’s sudden shift in relationship. Most people felt the same way about the pair of you: they secretly like each other. It had been somewhat of a running joke within the group that you and Harry were secretly in love. But it’s not like anybody ever expected to end up here: being presented with the news that you and Harry were somewhat of a ‘thing’. “Exactly,” Harry nodded, pointing at Mitch in agreement.

Sarah sent a cautious look towards the two of you. She sighed, as if giving in, “I mean, I am happy for the two of you. I just don’t understand how it all seemed to switch so suddenly? Like, why now? After so long you finally decide to act on however you felt before.”

The four of you were sitting at a restaurant in central London. It was fancy, fancier than anything you’d known growing up. But as soon as you’d become involved with Harry’s circle of friends (having met Sarah on a night out) it became somewhat of the norm for you. You’d worked hard not to let it get to your head, still enjoying the simplicities life had to offer. One of which, which you were sure you were truly witnessing for the first time, was love. Sure, you’d been in love before. There was the ‘first love’ with a boy named Ben, who you were sure you were in love with. It had lasted half a year maybe, but you were sure you’d felt heartbreak when it had ended. Then there was Ethan, which had been enjoyable while it lasted, but you both knew it was never anything long term. But that had been love, a love that wasn’t too hard to get over, but love nonetheless. You even still spoke to Ethan occasionally. Then, of course, there was all the minor ones in between, which hadn’t developed into anything more than dinner and sex. But this - what you had with Harry - you were sure was on the route to something wonderful. Some, perfect blossoming love. That, if it wasn't meant to last a lifetime, would certainly break, not just your heart, but you as a whole in the process. “I don’t know,” Harry shrugged. “But it just felt right the other night.”

Sarah looked to you. You had been terribly quiet during dinner. It was unusual, Sarah thought, you were often bubbly and eager to bounce off everyone during most conversations. In fact, she was sure Mitch had said more than you had. She was waiting for you to say something, but she was only met with: “What do you want me to say?” you sighed.

“Just explain it to me, Y/N,” replied Sarah. “I’ve been subjected to four years of your rants about how much he irritates you. And now you’re acting as if none of it’s ever happened.”

“Look, I don’t know, okay? It just happened, and in the moment it felt right.”

“But it doesn’t now?” she said quickly. And it was then you realised she was just worried about you. Both of you. Your face softened and Harry’s tight grip on your thigh loosened. It was clear you were both just scared she wouldn’t accept whatever was going on between the two of you. But no, she just wanted the best for the both of you. You shook your head, “No, Sarah, it feels great.”

“Okay...” she trailed off; she was accepting that maybe, just maybe, you were both happy with each other. “Then I’m happy for you.”

Her frown moulded into her wonderful smile as she took a sip of her drink. And then the food arrived and all of the uneasy tension slipped into cheery chit chat.

Gradually, the more nights out you and Harry spent together as a couple amongst your friends, the more natural it began to feel. The very first one left you feeling terribly out of place. Sitting beside Harry, his arm hung over the back of your chair, the tips of his fingers lightly tracing little patterns on your arm, was a foreign feeling to you. But it was one you treasured. You got to laugh at his jokes openly now and send adoring looks his way.

For a moment, it felt like you were flying so high there was no way you could come back down.

But then the first argument came. It came two months into the little ideal world you and Harry had built for yourselves. It had spiralled from something completely harmless. Something that shouldn’t have sparked an argument in the first place. And all of a sudden, you felt as if everything the pair of you had built up came crashing down around you. And, being frank, it was terrifying. You’d been nothing but happy for two months with Harry by your side. You feared that he’d relapse and put up his cold front with you again. What if, after all that had happened, you fell back into despising one another?

He’d been round at your house, the two of you spending the evening cuddled up together. Benny had been asleep in front of the fire, twitching occasionally. Usually, cooking together (a glass of wine or two in your system) was the highlight of your week, but neither of you felt like it that particular evening. A pizza between the two of you. That was all it was meant to be, and yet it evolved into something so much more. You told him you’d pay for it - it was only a little less than £20 anyway. He told you’d he do it. But as you explained that he always paid for meals, he interjected saying something about him being the one that ‘makes the money anyway’. You scoffed, that had pissed you off. And in hindsight, you knew he didn’t mean that in a malicious way. Yes, he definitely made more money than you, but that didn’t mean you didn’t make any. You could most certainly pay £20 for a pizza.

From there, it had spiralled into a full-blown argument. You told him exactly so: that you made enough to support yourself and he should just let you buy the pizza. Looking back, you felt rather foolish for getting so worked up over a takeaway. But it was more the things Harry said; you could see the egotistical boy seeping through his tone. To cut the gruesome details, it resulted in Harry storming out of your house. He slammed the door shut behind him, waking Benny up with a harsh jolt.

You felt worse after this argument than any of the ones you’d had with Ben or Ethan. But then you’d never felt this strongly for someone before. A bigger argument with any of the others couldn’t have hurt you more than a minor one with Harry did. You were hopelessly devout to him.

For the next few days, he didn’t say a thing, nor did you. Not to each other at least. You went out for drinks with Sarah, Charlotte and Ny. It beat drinking alone in your home with Benny, who, at the end of the day, wasn’t a great conversationalist. The three women sent apologetic smiles to you as you ranted about how much he frustrated you. And, as you were groaning about him, you began to realise that none of what you were saying was true. He didn’t frustrate you to no end, not even close. Every couple went through their rough patches - their ‘stormy days’ as Charlotte liked to put it. “Couples all have their stormy days, but remember Y/N, the sun is always going to come back out again,” she’d said.

The four of you had burst into a fit of stifled giggles, realising you’d all had one too many gin and tonics. But Charlotte’s little metaphor was actually quite useful, and in your tipsy state you had the sudden urge to apologise to Harry. He was ready to apologise too, but you were both perhaps the most stubborn out of your friendship circle. So it was a case of who was going to give in first. But, surprisingly, it was Harry.

You were lying in bed, nursing the ghost of a hangover that was pounding at your forehead from the night prior with the girls. Cuddled into your crisp sheets, you desperately needed some sort of medication, whatever you could find in your bathroom, and a glass of cold water. The sound of a knock at the door was enough of an excuse enough for you to drag your stiff body from bed. Benny followed you as you trudged downstairs. You swung open the door and Harry was stood there sheepishly. Sighing, you opened the door further to allow the man into your home.

You didn’t say a word; you didn’t want to let on how relieved you were to see him. He followed you through to the kitchen as you poured yourself a glass of water. Taking a sip of the cooling liquid, you turned to look at him. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

It felt so nice to hear his voice in such a gentle way after the last time you’d heard it. Because he was a generally quiet and calm man, it was such a shock to your system to hear him shouting at you. “It’s okay,” you grumbled.

“It doesn’t sound like it is,” he sighed.

“No, Harry, seriously I’m not angry at you anymore. I’m just a bit hungover, is all,” you informed him, trying to sound as polite as possible.

“Did you go out last night?” he asked, his face softening

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “Just with Charlotte, Ny and Sarah.”

“Do you want me to go get you some aspirin or something? I can just run down to the shop, if you want. I’ll be like five minutes,” he said, getting ready to leave before he’d even given you the chance to say anything.

“It’s okay. There’s some in the bathroom.”

And before you knew it, he was back with the half-empty box of aspirin. After taking a couple, Harry began talking again, “I really am sorry about the other night. It’s just… I’m so desperate to spoil you. Paying whenever we buy food feels like the least I can do.”

“Honestly, it’s okay,” you smiled. “I was just worried you hated me again.”

He placed his hand on your cheek and you couldn’t help but laugh, “What’s funny?”

“I’m having a moment of deja vu,” you chuckled.

He smiled cheekily, “Yeah? Well, there’s a couple of other things we could do that might give you deja vu.”

You snorted, “That’s the least enticing line I’ve ever heard.”

“Oh, give me a break, I’m trying. Did you seriously think I hated you?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I was just paranoid. I really enjoyed what was happening between us and I was just afraid it was ending.”

“I wouldn’t want it to end, love. I’m completely devoted to you.”

#harry fanfic #harry fanfiction #harry imagine #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry x y/n #harry x you #harry x reader #harry imagines #harry styles imagines

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iambrooke · 3 years

Text

Comfort Cuddles.

(Don’t mind the text on the GIF)

Summary: The past couple of days have been stressful for you and it eventually gets to you.

-My very first request by @ask-dommy, Thank you so much!

Pairing: Lucifer x reader.

TW: Fluff, pure fluff. (Sorry if I miss labelled)

Masterlist

———————————————————————————

If you were being honest the past couple of days were stressful. Going from work to your land lord, even your boss it was really starting to get to you. Sitting on your couch you heard a ping from your phone.

You looked over to the small device next to you and looked at the notification. It was Lucifer, your best friend.

“Hey, come over?” It read.

Picking up the phone you started typing away.

“Sure, I’ll be there in five” you replied.

Dragging yourself up from your comfortable position you slipped on your shoes and grabbed your bag. Opening your door you walked over to your car after locking the door.

After getting inside your car you put the keys in the ignition then you heard the rumble of the engine. The thoughts came back into your head, the work that you had yet to finish, the rent, the impossible case. It was stressful just thinking about it.

Tears brimmed in your eyes. You wiped them away just before they fell gracefully down your checks, it was certain the Lucifer would notice. If you were being honest half of the ride was a blur, only because your head was filled with thoughts.

You were now parking your car and grabbing your bag once again. You locked the car and made your way towards Lux. You opened the black glistening door and walked in. You walked through the empty bar and over to the elevator. You had to admit Lucifer always cheered you up but for some reason you didn’t want to tell him about how stressed you were.

Pressing the button the led to the penthouse you pulled out your phone. There was a text from your boss. It was telling you that one of your colleagues had left for a short vacation and she had left all of her work to you.

A frustrated sigh left your lips, great just what you needed more work. It was honestly making really sad. It seemed that lately everyone was putting more and more pressure on you. Finally the elevator dinged signalling that you had made it to the penthouse.

The doors elegantly slid open to reveal the penthouse. You took a relaxing deep breath and walked into the penthouse. Lucifer was no where to be seen, that was until you saw him at the bar. He wasn’t drinking, just sitting.

“Lucifer?” You questioned. He turned around to be met with your Y/E/C eyes.

“Y/N! My darling, how are you?” He said happily, getting up and leading you over to the couch. The two of you sat down and looked at each other.

“W-Well I’m fine, how about you?” You couldn’t help but stutter, you really wanted to avoid talking about your emotions because if you did you were afraid you would break down.

“Well the detective just finished a case, an utter vile man was the murderer. He was the victim’s boss! He was giving her more work than she was able to do, as a result she didn’t get it done and he lost it,” he shared nonchalantly.

That just reminded you of your boss. You knew he wouldn’t murder you as you were good friends with him but the feeling of utter frustration came bubbling up.

“That’s gruesome, and scary,” you admitted. Your voice broke as you spoke. There it was, tears brimming in your eyes once again.

Lucifer looked at you with a look of sadness.

“Are you alright love?” He whispered kindly. He reached out and took your hand in his. Just the warm feeling of his touch made you feel better.

But not better enough.

You couldn’t say anything because of the lump in your throat. You shook your head. That’s when tears starting falling down your face.

“Oh Y/N, come here darling,” he cooed. His arms wrapped around you and pulled you into his loving embrace.

You grateful accepted it and leaned into him. Sobs escaped your throat like rain falling from the sky. You tried to form words but instead of words sobs came out.

He shushed you lovingly and rubbed your arm. Well there goes the choice of not telling him about your stress. You could just imagine what he was thinking.

“Hey, do want some water? Yeah I’ll get you some okay?”

You just nodded and leaned forward to grab the tissues on the coffee table. Pulling a couple of tissues out of the box you wiped your eyes and blew your nose.

“Be careful, wouldn’t want to blow a hole in the floor,” he joked. You just didn’t know how he did it, he could make you happy even when you didn’t want to be.

A weak laugh left your throat. Never ever did he fail to make you happy. He handed you the water and sat back down next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

You drank some of the water and placed it on the floor at your feet. You leaned back and cuddled into his side.

“So, do you want to talk about it?”

Taking a deep breath you simply said.

“Stress, utter stress,”

He nodded in an understanding way.

“Ah, I see,” Lucifer agreed. You hugged him with such admiration it was magical.

With his other hand he stroked your hair. You pulled his hand away from your head and held his hand. With your ear against his chest you listened to the steady rhythm to his heart beat.

“Well Y/N I think we should- oh my,” Lucifer said softly.

You were sound asleep, starting to snore softly a little which made him chuckle. Putting his head on yours he started to drift to sleep himself.

The two of you sat there, not a care in the world. As long as you had your comfort cuddles you would be fine, you would be just fine.

———————————————————————————

A/N: This was my first ever request as I said at the top. Once again I want to thank @ask-dommy for making this request. I hope to get more requests and make more imagines. I hope you enjoyed this and share it with friends!

-Thank you for reading!

-Brooke

#lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer Morningstar x reader #fanfic #requests #reading #short imagine #imagine #chloe decker #the detective #tom ellis

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

Hi!

I've been reading your posts about Rosalie because I love her, and I was wondering if or how you would see her healing from her past/becoming more content with her vampirism.

She doesn't seem happy with the Cullens, as you have written about, but I they provide structure and "humanity" for her. However if she didn't have Emmett as a mate/admirer, she may be able to grow and not rely on her looks in regards to her feelings of safety and control.

I would love to know what you think! I admire all your work :)

So, some thoughts on Rosalie and on Rosalie's happiness vs. staying with the Cullens.

And ooof, I think it’s a long road to recovery. Not impossible but... hard, and certainly by Twilight, Rosalie isn’t anywhere close to being there yet. It’s a bit like curing Marcus of depression, it could happen, but there’s reasons we don’t see it in canon.

Where is Rosalie in Canon and What’s Up With the Cullens?

Rosalie’s relationship to the family is complicated but I do think she’s far better off with them than she would be on her own or with another coven.

Rosalie adores her family and does view them as primarily that, a family. She’s specifically close with Carlisle, but even those like Alice she’s fond of though knows Alice isn’t all that fond of her. She has her spats with Edward but ultimately loves him and likely doesn’t realize quite how low his opinion of her really is.

However, Edward disparages her constantly, bringing up things like her rape as insults and humiliating her in front of the entire family for something she’s genuinely struggling with. Emmett notably never stands up for Rosalie, at least, not beyond “Yeah, she’s a bitch, but she’s my bitch.” And even decades later still struggles notably with the trauma of her rape, her murder, and her inhumanity.

However, as you note, the Cullens provide her human life and human structure. This is the closest Rosalie can get to truly being human, the furthest from being a demon, and she lives this life in a seemingly meaningful way for the betterment of mankind. She’s able to pursue opportunities she never could as a human and marries a man, who does love her for all his faults, that she never would have otherwise.

Rosalie, in other words, is functioning.

She could be better and accept herself, what happened to her, and truly move forward. She could also be much worse.

And that’s the trouble, she’s hit this comfortable plateau, to get beyond this she has to want to change and change must be thrust upon her.

And I don’t think Rosalie wants to change.

Rosalie and the Past

Part of Rosalie’s issue is she both clings to and romanticizes the past as well as humanity itself.

What happened to her was awful and I think part of the way she’s coped with it is imagining what might have been. It’s not even that, really, but this pleasant fantasy of the life she could have lived.

Rosalie could have been human. She could have been a human mother, had a child, she could have married a human Emmett and lived a simple, good, life.

When Rosalie talks to Bella about what she’s going to lose, what Rosalie feels so strongly about, she never truly acknowledges that this wasn’t a life Rosalie Hale was going to have.

Rosalie’s parents were social climbers, Rosalie knew that they were using her beauty and her charm to marry her into money. Royce was utterly irresistible to them, though they didn’t know what he truly was. Even had it not been Royce, I imagine Rosalie may very well have ended up with someone similar.

And if she did not, she would almost certainly have been regulated to the role of a rich man’s wife. Her children go to boarding school, she barely sees them, she has tea with ladies but is unable to interact with business or a man’s world.

That idyllic country dream with Emmett: that was never her life.

And that’s what human life is. It’s hard, it’s not fair, and so often we do not get what we want based on arbitrary circumstances we’re born into. Rosalie has painted that away.

I think to heal, Rosalie would have to admit that humanity is not what she thinks it is. It’s not this golden idea. It’s nothing bad either. It just is, it’s a different state of being that, in and of itself, could not guarantee her happiness.

Happiness is for Rosalie to grab, not for humanity to thrust upon her.

Rosalie and Her Loss of Fertility and Identity

Being infertile left a large, traumatizing, mark on Rosalie. Women (still are but especially then) were defined by their ability to bear children. To be barren or to not have children was a mark against you: you have in some manner failed as a woman.

In losing her ability to have children all of this is stripped from Rosalie. She will never be a mother, will forever be something like a girl, and she loses much of her sense of personhood in that.

And this... This might even be harder than coming to terms with her rape. This is painful. Rosalie will have to confront the deepest, most gruesome, hurts within her and take a good long look at them.

She’ll have to let go of both her fantasies, the society she came from and what it expected of her, and the hypothetical child she will never have.

Many people do not get over this and... To be honest, I don’t know how Rosalie would either. It’s not something I see her wanting to face about herself.

Perhaps, in helping to raise Renesmee, this will lessen. Except Renesmee is not her child, looks very much like a mixture of Bella and Edward. And Renesmee is also... Renesmee, she’s a very alien inhuman child who is bound to only become stranger with aid.

Perhaps, in realizing Renesmee is not what she pictured, Rosalie will be able to confront this and let her longing for a child go. She could just as easily cling to it with all of her might.

Rosalie Doesn’t Want to Change

Perhaps the most damning is that Rosalie is comfortable as of canon. She could be better, she could be worse, but she doesn’t seem to want to change. Would she want to be human? Yes. But she can’t, and she’s settled for what she has.

Bella Swan was the biggest catalyst her family has seen in a long time.

Bella forced Rosalie to confront the worst aspects of herself: all those open wounds related to her death, her vampirism, and what she lost.

Bella throws everything Rosalie ever wanted out the window without a care in the world (and somehow gets the child anyway). Bella pursues a man who is anything but human to live this empty shell of a life.

Bella is the thing that should have had Rosalie taking a deep, long, look at herself and realizing what she needs to to get better and move on.

The catalyst was there, the pieces were set, and yet Rosalie doesn’t.

Rosalie doesn’t heal because she does not wish to. Because it’s hard, it’s painful, it’s extremely unpleasant. So she interacts with this woman who is so unlike her, who doesn’t share any values with her at all, but she does not reflect upon herself.

The prime opportunity slips her by.

Okay But How Would She Heal?

I think Bella, in many ways, was her best chance. Bella was the ultimate foil for Rosalie, representing everything Rosalie would not do while still being very human. More, (at least at this point), Rosalie sees Edward and Bella find happiness in each other with inhumanity. Bella doesn’t sacrifice her humanity for this, she gladly trades it away.

And that could have been enough for Rosalie to realize that, perhaps, she is not damned. Perhaps, she too, can find peace and happiness with who and what she is.

Well, that ship sailed.

Her next options are much harder.

The Cullens fall apart or Renesmee leaves on a journey of self discovery.

In the first case, Rosalie’s crutch of humanity is gone, the family is gone. This will be devestating for all involved but especially her. She’ll have to reevaluate her entire life, who she is, and what she wants to do. She could heal from this. She could also become very codependent on Emmett. It could go either way.

As for Renesmee leaving, if this is before the family split, that will be a huge blow to Rosalie. It’s Renesmee as Bella 2.0, rejecting everything Rosalie believes in, the Cullen family and way of life, because it’s not enough for her. Rosalie will have to reflect on her relationship with Renesmee, with the family at large, and with vampirism in search for answers. This will be painful but could be a healing process for her.

But I don’t think the road to Rosalie’s recovery will be a pleasant one. If it was pleasant, she’d be further along than we see her in canon.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #rosalie hale #emmett cullen #rosalie/emmett #carlisle cullen #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #renesmee cullen #bella swan #meta #headcanon #opinion

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girl-of-many-fandoms · 3 years

Note

I was wondering if you'd consider doing a Hotch x plus size reader? Totally fine if you're not up for it! I have this idea where the reader is a tech person like Penelope & she's around the same age. On a number of occasions she'll stay later to finish her work and it's only her & Hotch left. So she starts this cute little friendship where she'll make him coffee before she leaves. That turns into a crush, then she begins to avoiding him cuz she's shy, then he confronts her saying her likes her.

Late Nights

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x PLUS!Reader

Warnings: None

WOWWW this is a long one hope you guys enjoy it 🤗💜

MASTERLIST

-----

“You know, working this late should be against the law for single parents” walking in Hotch’s office I shut the door behind me

“You’re working late again?” he looked up from the file on his desk smiling at me

“My stupid systems chose today of all days to act up, I had to upgrade the software and all the fun stuff” placing the extra coffee cup on his desk I plopped down in the chair opposite me

“It’s taking a while to get back online but hopefully I’ll be out of here in the next hour or so”

For the past couple weeks Hotch had been working late nights and I thought that I’d stay back also in case he needed someone to talk too. As a profiler he sees and deals with a lot of gruesome things that would keep a normal person up all night. At first it was innocent, I’d pop in to check in on him to distract him for a bit or make him his coffee when he insists on staying in the office later than usual but as we grew closer he started opening up more to me. He started talking about the things they saw and did on the case the team had worked on and then we started talking more about Jack and how he’s doing at school, more personal topics

“I know I’m not the most open when it comes to expressing feelings but I just want to say thank you” Aaron took a sip of his coffee before placing the cup down, eyes glued to my frame

“What are you thanking me for?” he smiled and I couldn’t help but swoon a bit. Aaron doesn’t smile much or show us his soft side so it’s nice to see him this relaxed around me

“For being a friend, for working late nights with me and all the coffee” my stomach fluttered as he went on

“The coffee is good” chuckling I brought my cup to my lips and took a sip in order to help hide the blush that heated up my cheeks

“It is, oh I forgot to ask you, Jack has a soccer game this weekend and he insisted that I asked you to be there” he fiddled with his fingers waiting for my reaction

“Of course, I’ll be there”

------

“Of course, I’ll be there. That’s what I told him, oh God what if I’m reading into this too much”

I’m currently pacing the floor of Penelope’s bat cave as we waited for the coroner’s report to come in. My phone buzzed for the tenth time today, looking down at the screen I sighed letting it go to voicemail

“Hotch again? You know he doesn’t smile nor opens up so easily to anyone besides you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he likes you” Penelope got cut off by the ringing phone on her desk

“Speak and be heard oh mighty one”

“Garcia I need you to dig deeper into our victims background” Hotch’s voice filled the room and I immediately sat down

“Sure, anything specific I’m looking for sir?” she started tapping away at her keyboard doing exactly what he said

“We need to find the connection between all three of them”

“Okay sir, I’ll call you back when I have something”

“Penelope wait, don’t hang up” she paused with her finger over the end button looking over at me

“Is Y/N with you?” I frantically motioned for her to say no and thankfully she caught on

“No sir, want me to pass on a message?”

“No, no, uh thanks Garcia” he sounded so defeated and that only made me feel even more guilty. For the past three days I’ve been avoiding Aaron for as much as I could ever since the night in his office, I realized that I was setting myself up for heartbreak. The call ended and she glared at me

“You are hurting that man”

“I know and I feel terrible but I need to put some distance between the both of us”

“He’s in Nevada with the team right now how much more distance do you want?” she deadpanned looking me in the eyes

“It’s complicated alright”

“It really isn’t” she turned back to her set and started working on the case ending our conversation

-----

“Welcome back my heroes!”

Garcia held a box of cupcakes up welcoming the team back as they stepped off the elevator. I stood a few feet behind her smiling at them as they grabbed a cake and filled into the bullpen. I was about to follow behind them when a hand held on to my wrist keeping me in place

“Is everything alright?”

Aaron

“Yeah, everything’s fine, why would they be?” I started rambling removing my hand from his hold, avoiding his gaze

“You say that but I don’t believe you, let’s talk in my office” he opened the door for me and we headed straight to his office. I saw Penelope shoot me a small smile before I entered the room. I took a seat on the sofa as he moved to his desk.

Aaron dropped his go bag on his desk and removed his jacket before joining me on the sofa. He stared into my eyes trying to get a sense of what’s going on, profiling me

“Is there a reason why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you sir” I couldn’t help but pick at my fingernails as nervousness washed over me

“Sir? Y/N, it’s just the two of us and yes, you haven’t even returned any of my calls or texts” I wrecked my brain trying to come up with an excuse but I couldn’t

“I know that there isn’t any other way to say this but, the other night when we were in here I had to tell you something but I didn’t know how you were going to take it, I still don’t-” he rambled scratching the back of his neck

“Aaron” placing my hand on his knee I cut him off, he took my small hand in his gently brushing the back of my hand using his thumb

“I like you” he blurted and I froze, my heartrate sped up the longer we sat here staring at each other

Say something idiot!

“Why me?”

Dear God, you should’ve stayed quiet

“What do you mean why you?”

“I’m not your type Aaron”

“What’s my type then?”

“Someone like Emily, brave, courageous, can actually shoot to save herself, skinny, gorgeous” I mumbled the last two hoping he didn’t hear them but he did

“You don’t have to be skinny to be gorgeous and besides, you are perfect, you’re funny, sweet, caring, determined, charismatic, I could go on” he smiled giving my hand a gentle squeeze as we held each other’s gaze

“Most importantly, you make me feel safe” my breathing hitched as we sat here, neither one of us wanting to break the moment

“I like you too Aaron”

------

The referee blew the whistle ending the soccer match and Jack jumped with glee with his team as they were the winners. I cheered and clapped happy for the little boy who scored one of the winning goals as he ran directly to his father. Smiling I made my way over to the Hotchner boys and Jack broke free from Aaron’s arms and rushed over to me

“Good job buddy, you did so great!” wrapping my arms around the child I kissed the top of his head

“Did you see me score?” he pulled back enough to look up at me and I cupped his flushed cheeks in my palms

“I did and that was an excellent bicycle kick”

“Jack!” one of his teammates called him over for a group photo and he ran off. A pair of arms snaked around my waist pulling me flush against the owner, Aaron

“You did great with them” spinning around I wrapped my arms around his middle

“I did the best I could with a group of ten year olds”

“Thanks for coming it means a lot to me and I know it does to him too”

“No need to thank me, I had a good time listening to chatty Cathy to your left go on about how hot you look in those shorts” he laughed pulling me in closer to him

“Join us for dinner tonight, it’s been a while since he’s seen you and it’ll be good to have you around more”

“Sounds like a plan” pushing myself upwards I kissed him and he immediately responded. I swear I was about to explode from the electricity that flowed through my body from having his lips on mine

We were so wrapped up in our moment that we had forgotten about the crowd of people that surrounded us until they started wolf whistling and cheering us on. Breaking apart my face became heated from the blush that overtook my cheeks. Aaron looked down at me with a boyish grin clearly enjoying the moment

“How’s that for our first kiss?”

“Not quite what I was expecting”

“C’mon let’s head back to my place” taking my hand in his he called out to his son and we headed to his car. The both of them quickly fell into conversation and I must admit, seeing Hotch domesticated has got to be the hottest thing ever

The bond that these two have is very special and I can’t wait to share more moments like this with them

------

HEY GUYS PSA!! If any of you lovely readers would love to tagged in my fics let me know and I’ll gladly add you to the list ❤️

Tag list:

@calm-and-doctor

#criminal minds #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaronhotchnerimagine #aaron hotchner x plus reader

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slytherinsnekxvii · 3 years

Text

hi, remember that murder snily au i'm always talking abt but never have anything to show for? yeah, i've scrapped it like six times now and i finally have a version of it i'm marginally satisfied with. so, here you go, this is the first part of maybe three or four, i think? have fun:

anger

/ˈa��ɡə/

noun

noun: anger; plural noun: angers

1. Normal anger does not split open one's ribcage and wind itself around their heart. Normal anger does not coat itself in venom and sit behind one's teeth and hide under their tongue and lie patiently in wait. Normal anger is not cold and slow and remorseless. Lily thinks that what she calls anger is normal. Lily does not realise that she is extraordinary.

Lily's brand of anger is decidedly... different. What, exactly, makes it so different isn't exactly obvious to her, but she knows that it's not like anyone else's. At least, not as far as she's aware. Hers is a cold sort of anger, an all-encompassing thing that bites and burns and hurts. It's patient, too, winding in and around her ribcage and clawing its way upwards to settle behind her teeth, waiting for a reason to show itself. It's protective, aiming to eliminate a threat before it has a chance to do further damage.

She's... aware of her anger. Not very much so, but it's seen the light of day often enough to be familiar to her. She doesn't know it, though, hasn't made herself properly acquainted with the more... unfortunate spectrum of her emotions, and that is what makes it truly dangerous.

When she feels something scratching at her insides and festering beneath a vindictive sort of justice at seeing Black and Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew suffer the displeasure of the Slytherins, she thinks it's anger. She finds herself in a dusty, unused classroom in the dungeons, helping to refine a brutal spell designed to rend the flesh of anyone unlucky enough to be on the wrong end of it and she thinks it's anger that curls around her and whispers into her ear, "Make sure it hurts."

It isn't. She calls it anger, claims it a necessity, insists that she's protecting her best friend, but she doesn't realise she's mistaken.

The story of the "Prank" gets out—doctored, of course, to keep Black out of Azkaban, and Lupin away from execution—and Lily titters into the back of her hand when she hears it told in bits and pieces throughout the corridors.

"Did you hear?"

"Who would've thought—"

"—bloody idiots went into the Forest! At night! What kind of—"

"—ll five of them, yeah. Can't figure out for the life of me how they managed to get Snape to go—"

"—must've dragged 'im kicking an' screamin', I'm telling y—"

"—Gryffindors, my left tit! Damn cowards just ran off and left Lupin and Snape to deal with—"

"—no clue what happened, but have you seen the scars?"

"—out of the Hospital Wing, already? How—"

"—down fifty points! All because that lot wanted to play jokes aga—"

She smiles, a tiny, smug thing that she doesn't notice, and moves on. The Slytherins are properly riled up now, Rosier and Mulciber and Wilkes and Avery hovering around her and Severus with expressions she can't describe as anything but sadistic. At some point, she realises that their presence makes her feel much less uncomfortable than it did a week ago. She doesn't dwell on it, ignoring the small part of her that worries and shivers in favour of leaning over Severus's shoulder to read about the sort of magic that appears in nightmares.

She grips her wand, idly twirling the twelve-and-a-half inches of willow and dragon heartstring as she skims over detailings of ancient, arcane magic. It's always about blood, she thinks, staring a diagram of a pricked finger dripping red into a cauldron. Potion for Transferring Magic from One Wizard to Another, the heading proclaims. She shakes her head, accidentally knocking into Severus's in the process. "Ow."

He winces a little, and then tells her, "I'm turning the page."

She hums, eyes glued to a book she wouldn't dare look at not even a week ago, and says, "Okay."

It's fascinating, Lily has to admit. Gruesome in some cases and horrific in others, yes, but there's something... mesmerising about it, something hideously captivating in the way that the diagrams seem to eagerly demonstrate their attached spells. On the page, a young wizard is neatly flayed alive, the entire process precise. Her stomach rolls, but Lily can't seem to tear her gaze away for even a second. She doesn't think about it.

She doesn't think about a lot of things, actually, staunchly refusing to acknowledge the way she finds herself drawn away from her Housemates and friends, instead choosing to orbit around her best friend and the seemingly endless rotation of Dark Arts tomes he's somehow gotten his hands on.

Mary's sick of her excuses, she knows, responding to every one with a nod and an, "Oh, alright, then," in that tone that lands somewhere in the middle of disappointment, exasperation and concern.

Marlene has given up entirely, the whole of their interactions reduced to simple greetings in the hall and nods when they pass each other between classes.

Dorcas is nice about it, still catching her arm on the way to breakfast, still offering to study with her when they're all together in the Common and she doesn't want anyone to feel left out. It's undeniable, though, that her smile isn't near as warm as it used to be and it's tinged with worry at the corners.

No one makes it a secret of what they think about her recent activities. And as for the company she's keeping? Well, they'd always been particularly vocal about that.

Things must come to a head eventually, and they do, not even ten minutes after Professor Sprout has dismissed them from the classroom on Wednesday afternoon. She hears the whispers first, half of them from students she doesn't even know, has never said a word to.

"—conspiring with snakes—"

"—think it's the first time I've heard of a Gryff going Dark—"

"—ck was right about her, she's got no—"

Something ugly twists in her chest, and she forces her feet to turn and move, one step after the other. She can make it to the Common Room reasonably quickly, she thinks, and then she catches the self-proclaimed Marauders outside the Great Hall. Or rather, they catch her.

"You can do better than a bunch of slimy snakes, Evans," Potter crows, and she stops dead in her tracks. "Why bother with them when you've got a fine piece of Gryffindor right here?"

"Get lost," she says, the words ground flat between grit teeth.

Potter does not get lost. "Come on, Evans," he continues. "You're not acting like a proper Gryffindor. Where's your House loyalty? I can guarantee that chivalry and bravery are much better than whatever they're offering." It sounds... like a taunt, and this is when Lily realises that what she's been feeling isn't anger.

"Chivalry? Bravery? What would you know about any of that? It's not very chivalrous to corner students four-to-one, now, is it?" She hisses her words, each one more scathing than the last, and as she spits them out, every last one dripping venom, she realises that she wants it to hurt. "And it certainly doesn't seem brave to leave behind someone who needs help because you got cold feet! I'm not a proper Gryffindor? No, I think you've got it wrong, James. If you want to see an improper Gryffindor, the whole lot of you can go right ahead and look in a bloody mirror! I will not be talked down to by the likes of spiteful little cowards like you! I'm more Gryffindor than all four of you put together, but if you're what our House is supposed to look like, then I want nothing to do with it!"

Her ears are ringing when she's done, the whole world narrowed down to one singular focal point, the group of boys headed by the one who'd been desperate to get her attention and regrets it now that he has it. She looks at each of them in turn, summoning a contempt she didn't know she possessed until now. "Save your breath," she snaps, when Black's jaw unlocks, and she turns around and walks away.

Something slots into the place at the back of her mind, and she thinks, oh, her fingers itching to wrap themselves around her wand and whisper the words that will turn them inside out, call the blood from their pores and make it sing. Something clicks, when she thinks about she felt just then, and she can tell the difference quite clearly, very easily, between pure, white-hot, blinding rage and what she's been calling anger. She doesn't know what it really is, and she doesn't want to. She doesn't think about it, either, simply pushes the entire realisation to the back of her head and thinks, oh.

It changes... very little. Something inside of her has changed, and she finds herself growing steadily more unbothered by the voice in her that tells her about old, forbidden magicks of the body and the mind and the blood. It's always about blood.

She doesn't bother reading over Severus's shoulder anymore, the two of them scribbling notes as the pages flip on their own once they've both finished reading.

What does change things is when Rosier corners her after Defence one day, a sealed envelope held in his hand.

"What's this?" Lily asks, eyeing the pristine letter suspiciously. She might get along with the Slytherins much better now—especially after the incident with the Marauders that Rosier had found particularly amusing—but she can't say she truly trusts them.

"An invitation," he says, and before she can speak, he continues. "Every rule has its exceptions. We'd thought there was only room for one Mudblood prodigy, but it looks like there's space for two."

"Don't call me that," she bites, and he waves the envelope at her.

"Think about it. As it stands now, men like Potter and Dumbledore are holding too many of the cards. Men who would let people die and then cover it up to save their own hides. Don't you want to see them get what's coming to them?"

"There's no difference between you and them," she says.

"Isn't there? We've never claimed to be good."

She stares at him, silent.

"It's a new age, Evans. Don't you want to change the world?" he asks.

She takes the envelope.

anyways, i hope you enjoyed that! thanks for reading :)

#fic #murder snily au #severus snape #lily evans #harry potter fanfiction #darkfic #i mean not yet but it will be #anyways #that took wayyy too long #it took me so long to get to this point it's not even funny anymore #but i'm glad i did #getting my shit together seems likw a pretty solid birthday present to myself i think #snily #anyways bye for now #also i have the same birthday as draco malfoy and i found that put via tiktok #gotta love it

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plus-size-reader · 4 years

Text

Breaking Protocol

Spencer Reid x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2151 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Spencer kept in touch with the daughter of a serial killer they took down. They think there's a copycat which brings them to her door once again

——————————————————————————————————

As a general rule, the BAU team didn’t keep in very much contact with the people they saved. The victims' families, or sometimes the victims themselves were kept at arm's length, due to protocol.

However, protocol never said anything about the Unsub’s families.

Your father, a gruesome and heinous serial killer, who murdered your mother along with seventeen other women had brought the FBI’s behavioral analysis unit to your door.

It was your sparkling wit and kind eyes that kept one Dr.Spencer Reid there for far beyond when the case had ended.

There was something special about you, something that Spencer recognized almost immediately, but the more he spoke to you, the more pain he found behind those kind eyes that drew him in.

You were in constant pain, a constant pain that you couldn’t avoid. Everytime you closed your eyes, you saw him there, the way they found him when you called the police. He was covered in blood, holding a knife, poised over her body.

You didn’t even know her. You had never seen her before in your life, but there she was, lying dead on the kitchen floor.

And yet, you remained as gentle as anyone could have been. It confused Spencer, and naturally he wanted to know what it was that made you that way.

So he kept coming to visit you, even months after your father’s initial arrest. He just wanted to make sure you were okay, for whatever reason.

It didn’t make any sense and he was painfully aware of that but it wasn’t something he had any control over. He cared about you and that was never going to change.

...For whatever reason.

At this point, you two didn’t speak much with Spencer only making monthly visits when he was in the area and calling at least once a week to check up on you.

Until today.

You had heard a few things here and there on the news, but you kept away from all that nasty stuff to avoid the nightmares. It was hard for someone with your past to ever really move on.

That had become clear to you but the point wasn’t that you were moving on, it was that you were doing your best.

It was all you could do.

Though, all thoughts came falling away as soon as you heard that knock on your door. It was familiar and you couldn’t have mistaken it but that didn’t confuse you any less.

Spencer wasn’t supposed to be in the area for another week or so, but there was no one else who knocked that way. It was a signature of Reid’s so that you knew it was him.

He liked to have a special thing between just the two of you.

Not that it helped you in any way right now.

“You aren’t supposed to be here for another week-” you started, swinging the door open without hesitation, only stopping when you realized Spencer wasn’t alone.

In fact, he couldn’t have been farther from it. There were three men standing on your doorstep, each holding badges up to your screen with muted intentions. You had no idea what this was about, but it didn’t really matter.

Knowing Spencer as well as you did, you knew it was only a matter of time before he filled you in with more detail than anyone could have ever needed.

“Sorry, I should have called first” he shrugged, knowing that a heads up would have been nice but this whole thing had to be by the books and nothing was going to change that.

Not even how much he cared about you.

“Not a problem at all, what can I do for you?” you wondered, opening the door to them, letting them slip into your house without hesitation. Whatever it was they needed to talk about, you weren’t worried.

Spencer had made it very clear that if there was any development in your father’s case or something changed, he was going to make sure you knew before anyone else.

Even if it meant breaking protocol, which he did frequently where you were concerned.

This was going to be a hard conversation to have, and Reid knew that, but luckily he knew you well enough to know that you could handle it. You were adults, and you weren’t living under some illusion over who your father was.

You knew that he was a monster, and you also knew that he was going to spend the rest of his life rotting in prison. Still, having to relive the things he’d done was going to be had.

After all, you were sure that you’d put that all behind you after he was locked up.

“Y/N, we have to talk about your father” Spencer started, counting on Alvez to let him take the lead on this whole thing. They weren’t sure what exactly it was going on between the two of you, but they could tell you had a bond.

It might have been odd, but if it could help them find whoever was committing these murderers, no one was about to stop him.

“Why? Did something happen?” you asked, terrified that perhaps he’d gotten out or something had happened. It horrified you, but you knew well enough to keep calm.

Whatever it was that was going on, you just had to trust that Spencer was going to take care of you. Besides, there was no way your dad had managed to get out of there.

He had been locked in max security a few years ago and wasn’t ever getting out. That was what Spencer had assured you and that was what you needed to be the case.

You had to make this work.

“Not exactly. There have been a series of murders following your father’s original schematic. All signs point to a-”

“A copycat?” you filled in, fully aware that must have been what he was alluding to. It had always been a fear of yours, something you had talked to Spencer about a few times but you never thought it could actually happen.

After all, what kind of person could actually idolize the monster you were forced to call family? You had always assumed that no one would be that sick, but clearly you were wrong.

Someone had an interest in his brutality.

“Yeah, and I was hoping you could help me? No one knew him better than you, after all. If anyone could get inside his head, it would be you” Spencer informed, giving you that look he always did when you talked about the past.

He didn’t like it.

It hurt him to have to see you relive all those horrible memories, but it was just something you had to do. He wouldn’t ask if he didn’t absolutely need your help, and you knew that.

You knew that he needed you, and you weren’t about to turn your back on him.

So, you nodded.

Whatever it was that Spencer needed you to do, you would be able to figure it out with him by your side.

~ “Do you want to talk about it? Before I bring you into the bureau, I mean?” he asked, sitting down beside you at your dining room table, where you were staring out your kitchen window.

You had been like that since the rest of the team left, content with the fact that Spencer was going to bring you to the BAU after having a brief conversation with you.

Though, it had become clear by that point that the conversation was going to be anything but brief.

“Talk about what Spence? My dad and all those girls he murdered? The fact that somebody is taking a page out of his handbook? Or we could talk about the simple fact that even locked up, he’s ruining my life”

Your words were a ramble at best but that didn’t make it any harder for Spencer to piece together what you were getting at. This was hard on you and no one knew that better than him.

You were completely different when your dad was around, even from behind bulletproof glass, and it was only natural that you tried to avoid all mention of him.

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m not going to let anything happen to you” he assured, reaching out to take your hand in his own, a strange gesture coming from him. Even with you, Spencer had never been too keen on that.

Perhaps it would have been comforting, had you been worried about you. Though, you couldn’t have been worried about yourself at a time like this. You were really just having a hard time believing this.

How was it possible that someone was going to do this? Of all the things your dad was, a role model wouldn’t even make the list.

“I’m not worried about that Spencer, I’m worried about everybody else” you sighed, trying to rationalize why in the world they would even need you for all of this.

Spencer knew your father’s M.O and case like the back of his hand, and probably better, after everything you had been through together and any information you had, Spencer had too.

It was all locked up in his beautiful brain, and besides, it could be so dangerous for you two to be in the BAU together. After all, you didn’t know what kind of trouble Spencer could get into for keeping contact with you all this time.

It may have been against some kind of rule or protocol for all you knew.

“Tell me the truth Spencer, why do you want me to be part of this so bad?” you wondered, knowing that if it was just for information, they didn’t really need you.

You just had a feeling that there had to be something more going on, and as well as you knew him, you knew better than to believe that Spencer could avoid the truth with you for that long.

Not after all the time you two had spent together.

“I think you may have something new to add-” he started, but you stopped him before he could get further into whatever he was going to say. You didn’t have to have to be a genius to know that he had some kind of ulterior motive.

You just had to figure out what it was.

“We both know you don’t need me for that Spencer. What is this really about?” you hummed, turning your attention away from the window completely. Whatever this was, there had to be some reason he was keeping it from you.

After all, he had never kept anything from you before. Under the circumstances of which you two met, nothing else really seemed that important.

This was the first time you had ever known Spencer to hesitate where the truth was concerned.

...But eventually the truth came.

“Fine. I want to keep you safe”

It was nothing more than a whisper but you caught it just fine due to the close proximity between the two of you. Now, you were much less concerned with the copycat or anything else.

Instead, you were focused on the emotion on Spencer’s face and the obvious distress there.

Something was wrong, “If a copycat is deeply obsessed with your father, there is a good chance that they will want you or at least, victimize you” he warned, running his hands through his hair gingerly.

He could hardly breathe just thinking about what could happen to you. Your father never went after you because you were off limits for him but he killed his victims that bore a strong resemblance to you.

If your father killed surrogates in your place, there was no reason to think someone idolizing him wouldn’t go after you. They would lack the personal connection that kept your dad from hurting you.

…And Spencer wasn’t about to let that happen.

It made sense, but you also didn’t understand why he cared so much. Though, before you could tell him that you thought it was silly, you realized that the hold Spencer had on your hand had only tightened when talking about it.

He was scared.

Realizing that stopped all joking and teasing in their tracks, as you thought about it. Spencer genuinely believed that you were in danger and had interwoven you into the investigation to keep you under close watch.

“Okay Spence. Let me pack a bag” you decided, before stepping away to grab a change of clothes and some of your essentials. If this was so important to him, it wouldn’t kill you to make him feel better.

After all, it wasn’t every day that you saw Spencer that shook up. You just had to hope that staying with him for a few days would be enough to convince him that you weren’t in any danger.

#spencer reid #Criminal Minds #spencer reid x ps reader #spencer reid x plus size reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x ps reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x plus size reader #criminal minds imagine #cm #cm x ps reader #cm x reader #cm x plus size reader #cm imagine

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jjk-anime-horray · 3 years

Text

A Call in the Night

Dazai Osamu x reader x Oda Sakunosuke

Series Summary: While Dazai finally gets over the death of his friend and moves on with his life, he has to watch him unnaturally return into the world, and now he has to watch him turn twisted and into everything he hated in a way.

Chapter Summary: The Armed Detective Agency gets a call about an warehouse incident that happened in the middle of the night, and send two detectives to respond to it.

Notice: This fic series is going to have some dark themes in it so be warned, and in this AU Dazai and the reader are members of the armed detective agency, and this is a spiritual successor to “Late Night Tickets, and Meeting Him.” So I recommend reading that first even though you don’t need to. This is going to be a series!

Trigger Warnings: Blood, mentions of extreme violence, and description of illegal activities.

Getting a call about a mandatory and emergency investigation in the middle of the night, to be specific 2:32am, was something no one at the Armed Detective Agency wanted to do. So what's the most logical solution? Draw straws and the two people who draw the shortest are forced to go.

Unfortunately for you, you were one of the two unfortunate souls that drew a short straw. At least the other person who drew the short straw was Dazai Osamu, your coworker but most importantly the first friend you made in this city, so maybe you would be able to get a kick out of the bad situation at hand.

But when the two of you emerged from an alley to meet the crime scene at hand, that would by no means be the case because by the sight of the horror that layed out infront of you two it was enough for the both of you want to hurl.

Crime scene would describe the atrocity in front of as much as the phrases bloodbath and massacre would. No wonder this was an emergency for the ADA there were probably more than 30 people dead killed in various atypical ways.

First walking into the warehouse the most out of the ordinary sight would be a round wooden table with a duffle bag on it, but once someone took a closer look the rest of the ware house was completely empty other than the congealing crimson liquid that was pooling everywhere.

The five chairs around rickety table were matched with four bodies of executives of some sort laid face down on the table or dangling of the chairs.

But the most appalling sight was what was inside the duffle-bag, you were wishing it would be something tame like left behind money, however, much to your displeasure, they where severed off human heads. That by the looks of it were cut off with some sort of serrated knife my the edge markings.

"What are you thinking (Y/N)?" Were the words that Dazai spoke to snap you out of your spiraling train of thought. "I sure as hell am thinking this isn't the way I would have wanted to go."

"I'll have to agree with you on that one, this shit is something right out of a cheesy crime or horror movie.The only thing I can think of is the heads were a message of some kind to the people who were sitting at the table, and either the person at the empty seat with accomplices who killed everyone or are the only survivor, but it could be either. Were you able to identify anyone bodies or do you recognize anyone?"

"I don't recognize anyone, and most of the bodies are too mangled to be identified, but everyone at the table is wearing a customized Rolex, so I suspect that they were all executives of a organization of some kind, probably an illegal on based on all the gun men that were probably guarding the meeting before they got taken out."

"The only lead we have is the Rolex I guess, so Daz, will you take one for reference, we can visit all of the watch makers in the city to try to find out who was the person who commissioned these watches to be made, and then maybe through that we kind find out who the soul survivor was."

"Agreed."

Honestly the two of you would have been a little more playful and chatty if the events that took place tonight weren't so gruesome. The two of you were used to having to see and do brutal things, but Dazai had this gut feeling that this wasn't the typical violent act, and things weren't as the seemed.

The brown eyed detective just wanted to go take a nap after this, which was something you also wanted to do after see all the blood. Deciding to leave the true start to your investigation for a decent time the two of you swiftly communicated with the responders about the potential situation at hand. Then left to go deal with is mess the next day.

Timeskip........

After a horrible night's sleep and about three cups of coffee you were finally able to be semi-functional, so then you decided to grab your partner Dazai after dressing to impress and make for the horrible mood you currently were in from multiple factors. Dazai was even in a worse state than you where, you found him at the trying to convince Kunikida to go on the investigation for him, which was ultimately denied by the blonde haired man. Also leaving you to drag the genius yet idiotic maniac out of the office.

Walking down the streets in-between visiting different watchmakers and jewelers, you noticed some was off each time your boots hit the ridged pavement. In particular something about Dazai, his face was contorted into a being in deep thought, not to be disturbed for any reason. It was so out of character you were going to ask what he was thinking about, but then opted out.

"I know you were going to ask what I was thinking, I am a detective you know." He said his face morphing into one not of deep thought but of cockiness with a smirk. Damn, sometimes you really loved and hated that smirk, but right now you didn't know what to think of it. "I was just thinking of how now I know exactly who made the watches, and where is is for your information."

"Really who would that be? For my information."

"His name is Opāru Shokunin, he's done a lot of custom jewelry for Elise-chan and the port mafia in the past, but recently he's been doing a lot of foreign commissions for gangs and syndicates outside of Japan my word of mouth. When I first saw the watches I was initially reminded of how it looked like his handy work, but since the first three places we've visited were a bust, i'm confident it's him."

"Alright Mr. Mic-cocky, lead the way by all means." You scoughed lightly.

Unfortunately for the two of you, your desired destination was all the way across yokohama, so you had to hail a taxi which you knew you were going to be the one paying or it. The icing on the shitty cake was that you got stuck in rush hour traffic, so, the total time until arrival was three time longer than it should have been. At least you got dibs on the radio choice.

When the two of you arrived at your desired destination you now witnessed a normal looking office building, unfortunately, there was no elevator so the two of you had to work your legs up three flights of stairs to make it to Opāru's workshop.

Before you went in however you whispered to Dazai "how do we know he's even gonna be willing to talk to us?"

"He's going to be willing...."

"Why?"

"Simple you're gonna pay him."

"Um no you're going to pay him because I payed for the cab!"

"Um no."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"You realize I can hear you two bickering right?" was the raspy voice of the man you were looking for that ended your whisper argument. He was actually younger than you expected, about 38, but he looked older than his body by his eyes, the eyes of someone very worn out. Which would explain the smoking. "He's right i'll talk if you pay me, just come in before ya give everyone else a headache."

The two of you swiftly made your way into the working man's shop room. The room was a lot nicer than you thought it would be, and a lot lighter too. The man possessed a very nice view from his wall because his wall was almost completely filled with by windows. Dazai did mention something about the craftsmen liking natural light in the cab on the way here, so it wasn't too surprising and really lightened the room up.

You followed Dazai to the two chairs across from the white tufted sofa that Opāru was already occupying. Then Dazai placed the watch and a thick wad of cash on the coffee table separating the two parties of people.

"Oh, so you're here to ask who paid me to customize this for them? No surprise there they were particularly nasty."

"How where they particularly nasty?"

"I'm pretty sure that they were doing things even nastier than the port mafia, like taking kids of the streets and shipping them off."

"So, supposedly by word of mouth were human traffickers."

" Yeah, supposedly, but I didn't ask when the guy approached me."

"The guy?" You reconfirmed.

"Yeah, the guy, he had this weird tattoo on his wrist. The guy's name was Zinnnnnng, THUMP.

The two of you didn't even have time to blink or create when the bullet zipped through the head of the craftsman from. The crimson liquid from his head pooling on the couch were he was just alive a few seconds ago. The blood seeping into the fabric like the disparity of situation into Dazai and yourself.

Glimpsing out middle window now tainted with a hole you see the silhouette of the person responsible for this.

Dashing up without a second thought you sprint to pursue the culprit of the murder that just took place infront of you. Eyeing your target through the broken window.

Ahhhhhhh! Okay I’m literally really proud of how this came out! I’m really hope people like it. I’m really new to writing full fanics so if any experienced writer is reading this will you please give some pointers, that would be very helpful!

-Ellie

#anime #weeb #x reader #manga #platonic #romantic #bsd fanfic #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd au #bungou stray dogs au #fanfic #fan fiction #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #oda sakunosuke #odasaku x dazai

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beeexx · 3 years

Text

A little Tarlos moment fron 2x09

Read on ao3

TK’s headache has moved further down from his forehead, to settle like a blanket of pain wrapped over his eyes instead. It makes sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair all the more worse, the bright light doing nothing other than adding to his growing discomfort and slight nausea. He is tapping his leg, the sound bouncing off the quiet sleepy room, and he thinks that the only reason Marjan hasn’t whacked him to make it stop is because she’s still pitying him over his brief spell in a room similar to the one Judd is in for a concussion that still hasn’t completely gone away. He moves his head between his legs, closes his eyes to try and drown out some of the blinding lights and breathes through his nose.

He keeps bouncing his leg though.

TK hates hospitals. He has many reasons for disliking them but he’s never had to spend a night on the edge of his seat, worried sick for people he cares about before, not in this capacity at least and it’s making him feel sick.

The worst thoughts rush through to the surface unbidden. What if he never gets to see either one of them again, hear them laugh, joke around with Judd, dinner at their place every other Sunday. What if Judd doesn’t make it? What if Grace dies? What if -

“Hi, you okay?” It’s Carlos of course, back from his coffee run, who gently places a hand on his shoulder. TK tenses for a moment, caught off guard and suddenly ready to bolt right out of his seat. He can’t fully tamper down his reaction and Carlos notices of course. TK thinks he’s probably frowning and it doesn’t take long for Carlos to start to shuffle around until he’s sitting on the ground in front of TK, coffee cup left forgotten on the chair. TK opens his mouth-

“Don’t tell me you’re fine, it’s very obvious that you aren’t.” Carlos chastises making TK look up from the ground he’s been staring holes at. His lip twitches though and he nods.

“Yeah, I won’t.” He promises and it makes Carlos’ worry lines less prominent for a moment. His hair is still a little sleep tussled, a few strands of curls at the back Carlos spends ages on each morning to lie flat are now loose and he looks tired, he is probably as tired as TK feels.

It’s been just a few days since the kidnapping and TK’s gotten used to having a particularly sort of nasty headache as his daily companion since then, ruining both his days and nights with spells of pain that won’t go away. Well, it’s probably ruined Carlos’ nights too, judging by the growing circles underneath his eyes, and TK’s constant tossing and turning every time they’re in bed. It’s been a few days of bad sleep and lounging around the house with Carlos worrying. It makes TK feel really bad, he hates it when Carlos worries about him.

Both he and Carlos had however gotten their best night’s sleep in days when the call came through, waking them both and sending TK into a near panic attack when he heard what had happened. He’s strung so ridiculously tight he’s scared he’s going to snap in half and he goes back to bouncing his leg, trying to distract from his discomfort, averting his eyes.

“Hey, no shutting me out.” Carlos gently cups his chin and forces him to meet his eyes, thumb stroking up and down in comforting motions, eyes kind and understanding. TK sighs but he nods.

“Sorry.” His voice cracks and he clears his throat, trying to get the lingering thickness away. He looks away for a moment, sees Mateo is asleep with his head resting on Paul’s shoulder while Paul is reading, frowning slightly as his eyes move across the text, flipping pages now and then. Marjan left with Tommy a while back to go do something TK isn’t sure of exactly and he hasn’t seen his dad for a while either. They are all somewhere near of course, lurking, in case something changes.

“I’m scared.” TK keeps his voice down though, just in case. Carlos nods and moves his hands to cover TK’s thighs, pressing gently down on his right leg to stop the movement. It’s an involuntary reaction on TK’s end that he stops, the effect of Carlos’ touch on him, anchoring, calming him down almost immediately. Carlos gently squeezes his knee.

“I know baby, I am too. But the doctors are optimistic and we have to believe them.”

“They are cautiously optimistic and I don’t know what that means in doctor lingo but cautiously sounds like it’s not something to celebrate yet.” He mutters.

“Maybe not, but it’s not cause for sitting here looking close to fainting either. I don’t think Judd would like it if you ended up in a hospital bed yet again after getting out of one so soon.”

“I would do it if it would make him wake up and bust my balls.”

Carlos' mouth twitches.

“He’s going to wake up.” Carlos says with such conviction TK believes him.

“But what about Grace?” He whispers, dread filling his stomach. Grace with her kind eyes, easy smiles, never ending patience and generous support TK’s not realised he’s cherished this much until she’s suddenly been hurt, with the outlook not seeming good. He is scared, terrified even that she might not make it. He doesn’t know what it would do to Judd if that was to happen. Carlos grows serious and his eyes travel to the room she is in, sadness passing over his features. With Michelle gone a lot Carlos and Grace had formed an easy friendship to fill up that empty space, and so it wasn’t totally unusual that when TK came home after shifts to find Grace and Carlos out on the patio together, drinking lemonade and chatting away, smiles wide and whatever task they had said they would do, long forgotten. It’s not just TK it pains to see Judd and Grace hurt, it pains Carlos just as much and TK immediately reaches forward, cupping Carlos’ cheek and leaning his forehead on his, offering his comfort up like it’s second nature. They both exhale, breathing through it together.

“It’s going to be okay, it has to.” Carlos says quietly and gives himself over to the worry for a moment before he pulls himself together, pushing the worry down. TK knows compartmentalising like Carlos can do is something that isn’t always the healtihest of coping mechanisms. Right now though, TK isn’t going to say anything, god knows he has a terrible track record of bad ways to deal with things, and he wishes at this moment that he could do it too, push it down and focus on something else.

“The doctors say Judd is going to wake up but it will be a few hours until then, so we’re going to have to believe that everything is going to be okay. In the meantime why don’t we go home and shower and change clothes.” He suggests.

“Not to sleep?”

“I’m not aiming that high today, I don’t think either of us will be able to do that. But you don’t look too good right now and it’s worrying me a little, so instead of checking you into this hospital myself I suggest we go back to mine and recharge for a moment and come back with food for everyone. I’m sure they’ll all need it.”

It’s a distraction, probably as much for Carlos as it is for TK, but it’s a distraction born out of kindness and a big heart, the need to do something other than sit here and worry sick. Carlos, TK has learnt during this year, is the kind of person that needs to do something, he’ll feel absolutely useless sitting still. His brain works best when he’s doing things while TK tends to be the other way around, shutting down, unable to do anything other than freezing, standing still in his growing anxiety, until everything boils over and the urge to either get high or do something almost as equally stupid gets too much and he can’t stop it, sending him down bad paths.

So he takes the opportunity and nods. Carlos gets to his feet and holds his hand out for him. TK takes it and gently and carefully Carlos pulls him to his feet and wraps an arm around him immediately. For a moment TK snuggles close, nosing at Carlos’ neck before he moves his head away, focusing on walking instead.

“How’s your head?”

“Sore.” He admits out loud and Carlos frowns. “It’s feeling more like a migrain though so maybe it’s just stress?”

“Maybe, do you want an ice pack?” TK thinks of saying no but he isn’t looking forward to getting into the car with the raging monster banging against his eyelids so he nods. Carlos gently kisses his forehead, squeezes his hand before he walks away, leaving TK alone in the mostly deserted hallway, with his thoughts again.

Being a firefighter has made TK somewhat immune to certain high risk situations, gruesome injuries, fright so visceral people become unpredictable, or shock so silent it feels it lasts for days unable to break free of, and death too, to some extent at least. His dad’s cancer, which had been a suffocating presence, expanding each day inside of TK’s ribcage, making it impossible to focus on anything other than it, giving him little room to exist outside of the anxiety and constant worry. Tim more recently, which had been quick and taking the breath out of him, slamming straight into TK like a block of concrete, catching him unaware.

His own overdose is a reminder that it takes different shapes.

And then this. Relentless, big, sudden. Impossible to escape. Scary.

They all wear their worry on their faces and clinging desperately to hope that feels like it’s dimming with each moment he stands here.

He twists the string of Carlos’ APD hoodie, the first thing he had gotten his hands on when they were rushing to get here in the middle of the night. It was a few hours ago now and there hasn’t been an update for a while now, other than that they can only wait which anyone knowing him should be aware he’s terrible at.

Carlos comes back shortly after, holding the promised ice pack, TK looks behind him at a nurse with red cheeks and a bright smile as she watches them.

“Carlos Reyes did you flirt with a nurse to get me this?” But he accepts it gratefully and presses it to his face, exhaling in relief at the cold seeping onto his clammy skin.

“I charmed her more likely, by talking about my very cute but bratty boyfriend.”

“Yeah I’ve changed my mind, I don’t care how you got it, I’m just happy that you did.” Carlos snorts and ruffles his hair.

They drive back and Carlos helps TK up the stairs before he disposes of him gently onto the bed. When he goes to leave, TK tugs him back, holding tightly onto his hand.

“Where are you going?” He sounds small, he feels small right now.

“Just to get some water, I’ll be right back -” But TK shakes his head, moves the pack of ice away and pulls harder on Carlos’ hand until he gets the hint and climbs into the bed. TK pulls him close, arms wounding around his neck and tucks his face into Carlos’ neck. Carlos' hands come to rest on his waist, big and strong, secure around TK. He feels the heath of them through the shirt he is wearing. He can feel Carlos’ heartbeat against his ribcage too, riverbating through him.

Still here. Still alive.

TK is used to danger.

But he isn’t used to this kind of danger, when it feels deeply personal, like an attack.

And it’s all so sudden, after Carlos’s suspension that has luckily been lifted but had given him enough stress and worry making TK wish he could march into Carlos’ precinct and yell at his boss that one of their best officers deserved better. It comes too soon after he was taken hostage and hurt, the wound hasn’t even begun to heal and it’s been roughly torn open again making TK feel so goddamn unsteady, the fear he’s suddenly been slammed with so tangible as it presses down on him from all sides. He feels he’s been edging closer and closer to a panic attack all night and the only thing that hasn’t sent him completely over the edge is having Carlos near.

But he’s also so goddamn scared suddenly. He’s suddenly terrified of losing Carlos. A car accident, those happen so often and maybe TK’s been naive but this has never felt like such a palpable threat to him before, until now. Until Judd and until Grace.

“Talk to me?” Carlos whispers, forcing TK out of his thoughts for a moment and TK hugs him closer, biting down the tears that have come unwillingly.

“You can never leave me.” The words come pouring out of him and his voice breaks, unable to be kept steady. He bites down hard on his lip but an audibly sniff escapes and when Carlos tries to move his head away TK hugs him tighter, not wanting any space left between them.

Carlos is quiet for a moment, but no longer than that. He takes his hands away from TK’s waist and wraps them gently around TK’s wrists to gently tug them away from his neck so he can look at him.

“What’s wrong?” He asks and takes TK’s hands in his, holding them delicately, stroking his thumbs soothingly across TK’s skin. TK angles them slightly against Carlos’ chest, closer to his ribcage, where he can feel the thumping of Carlos’ heart underneath his shirt. It comforts him, the only steady rhythm to latch onto at the moment, to try and steady his own breathing, copying the unwavering rise and fall of Carlos’ chest.

“I don’t know…” TK whispers, unable to meet Carlos’ eyes. He focuses on his and Carlos’ tangled hands, trails the blue veins with his eyes, Carlos’ slender and long fingers, trying to find the right words, while also buying some time.

“No?” Carlos gently pushes and TK shakes his head. “TK.” Carlos sighs before he cups TK’s cheek and angles it up so he can meet his eyes. TK blinks a few times to clear his watery eyes and Carlos wipes a stray tear away with his thumb, expression stricken, like it gets when he wants so badly to help but doesn’t know what to do.

“When I was taken hostage…” He begins, clears his throat a few times, can’t bear watching Carlos upset. “I didn’t really stop to consider how awful it was for you during those hours, and I haven’t been able to grasp the intent completely behind your worrying these few days and now it makes me feel like such an ass. But I understand it now too, what happened to Judd and Grace, it could happen to us too and it’s so scary, so scary Carlos, what if -” He stops, gulps down more tears and bites his wobbling lip hard.

“Hey, hey.” Carlos says gently and TK’s eyes snap to him. They are sad, but determined too. “It could, but even so I will always promise to fight to get back to you.”

“I wish you could promise me you won’t leave me or that I could promise that nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“Well knowing you, letting you out of my sight has proven to be a massive mistake, I swear you’re the most accident prone person I know.” TK wetly chuckles and Carlos’ mouth twitches, the joke easing the tension between them.

“I get scared too, all the time…” Carlos confesses and TK searches his face, reaches out automatically to smooth over the worryline on his forehead, itching to kiss it away.

“Yeah?” TK asks. Carlos nods.

“Yeah, all the time. Especially where you are concerned. But I do think it’s only normal with our jobs and so on. Just… I don’t know, try and be more careful?” The frown grows into a wry little smile and maybe if TK wasn’t so shook from earlier he would have joked it away, but he nods seriously instead.

“I promise. I will always come back, always. Even if I leave.” It’s a painful reminder of TK walking out on Carlos a few months back, still making TK feel ashamed of how he acted. But things are different between them now and walking away from Carlos and from everything they have built together and are going to continue building, that is not an option anymore. “Good.” Carlos whispers and kisses his nose making TK smile. “I will always come back too. Always. I will fight every day to make that promise true.”

“Me too.” TK promises, takes their intertwined hands and kisses the promise into their hands, hoping that the day will never come where he doubts it, doubts them and their future.

“We’re going to be okay.” Carlos promises and TK closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Carlos’, slowly starting to accept it.

“Yeah.” TK whispers.

“And so is Judd and Grace.”

TK isn’t fully there yet where he dares believe it to be true, but he isn’t giving up hope that it’s all lost either.

“So, how about a shower?”

TK opens his eyes, yawns before he stretches, pops his back and nods.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Carlos helps him to his feet and in the bathroom they undress each other before they get in together. TK hums in content as the hot water washes over him and with it the last doubts he has about the future, down the drain where it belongs. As soon as Carlos joins him inside TK walks close, presses his body to Carlos’. It’s not sexual, but it’s a need, to have him near, to let the calmness of Carlos’ wash over him and bring with it a comfort only Carlos can bring out in him and judging by the harsh breath escaping Carlos’ he craves the contact almost as much as TK does. TK presses a soft kiss to Carlos’ heart and it grows comfortable between them. That’s until Carlos decides to squirt shampoo loudly on top of TK’s head, breaking them out of the moment. TK’s glare turns into a laugh and Carlos’s eyes sparkle, so very much alive and TK’s insides flutter.

They shower for longer than what they had planned and when they do make it back to the hospital, carrying food from a place Carlos knows to be one of Grace’s favourite takeaways he feels better, more hopeful and willing to believe that things will work out. Carlos’ hair is messy from TK running his fingers through it, but his arm is secure around TK’s waist and TK’s leaning on his shoulder, watching their family help unpack the bags.

And then Judd wakes up.

#tarlos #tk x carlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #911 lone star #9-1-1 lone star #missing scene from 2x9 #tarlos fic #911 lone star fic

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