Goodbyes.
I have never been good with goodbyes. They tear me apart and unfortunately life comes with many of them.
And the ones that break me the most are those who come with grief.
Today, I’m saying goodbye to my sweet baby cat, she was an old soul. I got to live and share thirteen years of my life with you, and you…you spent your entire life with us.
You arrived about two months into your life, with a mixed matched pattern of black, white and orange you filled our house with so much energy. Our home of two humans, and three cats expanded to a home of six, at that point we were just outnumbered but it was good.
You were the princess of the house, the older cats, Cali and Bala, would do as you said and your brother would just fight against you for attention.
I remember the first time you went to the garden and went from “this grass is so disgusting” to l love dirt and I’ll roll on it forever” and come back inside with dirt all over your body.
My sweet princess you were an odd one, I will always love how much you enjoyed belly rubs. How despite how much time I was away from home you’d always receive me and let me pet you and you’d flip around on the ground and purr.
I’ll be honest, right now I’m regretful for not being there for you. I’m sorry this illness took you. Im sorry you were in pain. I’m sorry for not hugging you enough times and gave you more of those belly robes that you loved. I’m sorry you were hurting. I’m sorry it took a long time for us to go back to you. I’m sorry.
The last couple of days a part of me was hopeful that you’d recover, because you have always been so strong. But this time, despite our vets doing the best care they could. It was time for you to say goodbye and rest.
I believe that there is something more beyond death. I hope you meet Cali and Bala in whatever afterlife there is. That you get the peace that your beautiful soul brought to us in all this thirteen years. I hope one day we all reunite.
I’ll miss you and I will forever hold you in my heart alongside of Cali and Bala.
My sweet princess Nenita, I love you.
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Thank you for letting me experience your love. Thank you for letting me share my love with you all those years ago. If there had to be anyone in this lifetime to hold that title of being my first love, I’m glad my soul chose you. The greatest gift you’ve ever given me, long ago, was showing me what love is supposed to feel like.
There will come a day where I won’t be able to recall your face. As the years pass by, my memory got foggy. Your voice has gone, followed by your laugh and then…your touch. You lingered until you eventually went away. A distant memory that I used to know. What can never fade is knowing that what I felt, what we shared, was real…and that I loved you. Even with age, I’m relieved to know that my body will remember what my mind will forget.
A decade later and yet, I am still protective over you and our story. I always will. You’ll always have a piece of my heart. Thank you for everything. I’ll go now. It’s time for me to let you go.
—A farewell to my first love
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Whenever you get something in this world, you lose something too — that's just the way things work.
Banana Yoshimoto, Goodbye Tsugumi
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