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insomniacwriter17 · 11 months

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Saved from the Flames - Chapter Six

“When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it's not.” --Richard Kadrey

Billy Hargrove is 9 years old. He tries his best to be the son his father wants him to be - quiet, respectful, and obedient. But Neil just pushes harder and harder, all in the name of raising a "strong man". When Billy is removed from his father's custody and placed in foster care, it takes some time for him to realize his world is no longer burning around him. New experiences, new people, new opportunities all make Billy realize there's a whole lot more to life than respect and responsibility.

AKA: The story of how Bob Newby became a real life superhero for one little boy who needed saving.

Inspired by this post I saw from @connordax

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five

read on ao3

The morning passed fairly quietly after that: Billy helped Bob make breakfast, they ate in an almost-comfortable silence, and then Billy went down the hall to finally get dressed while Bob did the dishes. And then the two of them tackled the last of Billy’s unpacking, and Billy had to admit it was not nearly overwhelming with Bob in the room with him.

The man sat on the floor and handed folded clothes to Billy, letting the boy store them where he wanted them. Bob chatted quietly at the boy just to fill the silence, talking about mundane things and occasionally asking Billy some questions. It didn’t take nearly as long to get everything settled as Billy thought it would, and he’s actually really happy to let Bob throw away the now-empty garbage bags once they’re done.

But then Bob reminded Billy that it’s almost time to go to the doctor, and the good mood that had been coming to the surface completely disappeared. Slowly, Bob saw Billy retreat back into his shell as Bob left to gather all Billy’s paperwork, curl up as he tied his shoes, drag his feet while they made their way to the car.

Billy wasn’t trying to be rude, but he was scared! He didn’t like the doctor. So he clammed up because the best way to get through something scary was to just do it. Complaining never helped. He was content to be silent, curling up in the backseat of Bob’s car.

And then Bob unintentionally stepped on a landmine. “I know this is scary, Billy, but you’re being so brave for me. I’m proud of you.” Billy didn’t know why, but the sentence filled him with anger.

“Shut up!” he whined, kicking his feet out to connect with the back of the passenger seat in front of him. Billy didn’t want to be brave for Bob, he didn’t want Bob to be proud of him. “I want my dad!”

Billy heard Bob take a deep breath in the front seat, and the boy mentally prepared himself for what was coming next. Billy’s gaze moved outside the car window, focusing on the city buildings zooming by instead of watching Bob. “I know you do,” Bob’s voice replied after another moment of quiet, but the man didn’t sound mad. His voice was still even and calm, which Billy just didn’t understand. “And I’m sorry that he’s not here. But we’re not going to be rude, okay? That doesn’t make anyone feel better.”

Billy didn’t answer, crossing his arms over his chest and giving the back of Bob’s seat a half-hearted glare. He didn’t say anything else on the drive, making no move to get out of the car even after Bob parked the car.

Bob gave the boy a few minutes to himself, the two of them sitting in the quiet hum of the car’s air conditioner. He watched the clock, and once they were out of time prior to his appointment’s check in time, Bob turned in his seat to look at the boy. “Billy?”

Billy finally moved his gaze to Bob, trying to keep the glare in place while swiping at the tear tracks on his cheeks. But Bob could see the anger was a flawed attempt at hiding his fear, so Bob just offered an understanding smile. “Look, Billy, I know this isn’t what you wanted to do with your day. But we just have to get through it, okay? If there’s something I can do to make it easier, you tell me and I’m happy to do it. We’ll get through it, yeah?”

The silence stretched on for a lot longer than Bob would’ve hoped, but eventually Billy sniffled. “No shots?”

“How about this – if the doctor says you need shots, we’ll come back and do them a different day? When you have more warning and more time to get ready for it?” Bob offered. Confusion graced Billy’s features for a second.

“You can do that?” he asked hopefully. Bob nodded.

“Of course we can! There’s no rule saying we have to do it all today. I just want Dr. Luke to take a look at you so we can make sure you’re healthy. And then as soon as we’re done, we’ll go find you some toys.”

Billy’s eyes were wide. “I can still get toys?” he asked in disbelief. “But I was mean.”

Bob took that moment to get out of the car and open Billy’s door, offering his hand to the boy to help him climb out of the car. Billy initially flinched away from Bob’s hand but then cautiously took it, clinging to the man’s arm as he put his feet to the pavement.

It was then that Bob answered Billy’s question. “I wouldn’t say you were mean. You’re scared, those are two different things.” Bob was a little surprised that Billy doesn’t let go of his arm even as they enter the doctor’s office waiting room, but Billy is clearly deep in thought, so Bob led the way to the reception desk to check him in.

“I’m sorry I was mean,” Billy offered after Bob led them to a pair of seats by the door. “You’re being really nice to me.”

“I forgive you,” Bob promised, smiling down at the blonde. The boy still hadn’t let go of Bob’s hand, though he wasn’t clinging to it quite as hard as he had been. “We’re friends, right? Friends have to be nice to each other.”

Billy looked solemn as he nodded. “Mr. Bob?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“I’ve never had a friend before,” he admitted shyly, his feet kicking out in front of him nervously. “I might not be a good one.” The admission broke Bob’s heart, and he smiled down at Billy.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be an awesome friend,” Bob promised. “We’ll figure it out together, how’s that sound?”

Billy cracked the smallest smile, nodding up at Bob. The man settled back in his seat, hoping that his calm demeanor would rub off on Billy. However, that seemed to be to no avail as Billy squirmed uncomfortably on the chair and tensed up every time the door opened and the nurse called out a new name.

Pretty soon it was just them in the waiting room, but Billy couldn’t help but flinch when the nurse called out his name. He couldn’t help himself from casting a fearful glance to Bob, but the man simply squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Come on, bud, I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Bob promised. He stood up and waited for Billy to do the same.

Billy shuffled behind Bob, letting him lead the way after the nurse. His heart rate picked up while he stood on the scale so she could see how much he weighed, his hands shook by the time the nurse took his temperature and wrapped that tight cuff around his arm to do something with his blood. By the time she finished asking Bob a few questions and left Billy sitting on the exam table, he was near tears again. “I wanna go home,” Billy pleaded to Bob once they were alone. “Please? We don’t even have to stop for toys.”

Bob smiled sadly, standing just a few feet from the boy. “Sorry, bud. We have to see this through. Dr. Luke’s going to come talk to us, then he’ll want to take a look at you. It will go so fast, I promise.” Billy’s lip trembled and Bob almost caved. “What’s got you so scared? How can I help?”

Billy sniffled. “I don’t want to answer questions,” he admitted. Bob didn’t think it was possible, but Billy’s voice got smaller. “My dad always does it for me.” That set off alarm bells in Bob’s head, and he made a mental note to mention it to Gabby later, but for now he nodded.

“I get that,” he replied. “What if I help you? I’ll answer the questions I know, but you have to tell Dr. Luke the answers to questions I don’t know. Deal?”

Billy kicked his feet out in front of him, studying his shoes instead of looking at Bob. “Will I get in trouble for answering?”

Bob’s stomach churned at the implications of Billy’s question. “Of course not, buddy. You’re never going to get in trouble for telling the truth. Telling the truth is the only way for everyone to do their jobs the way they’re supposed to.”

Billy glanced up at the man, cocking his head to the side. “What’s my job?”

Bob had to think about that for a moment, but then he took a deep breath. “Well, Billy, you have the most important job of all.”

“I do?”

“You do,” Bob agreed seriously. “Your job is to be a kid, and let the grown-ups worry about grown-up stuff. Because if you do all the grown-up stuff for us, we can’t do our jobs, can we?”

Billy giggled and shook his head, the smallest smile gracing his features as he looked up at Bob. Billy had to admit, he was intrigued. “How do I do that?”

“You let people like me and Ms. Gabby and Dr. Luke do all the adult stuff, and you focus on doing kid things like picking out toys and telling me what you want for dinner. We’ll worry about all the other stuff. And the most important part about your job…you ready to hear it?”

This time, Billy’s nod was enthusiastic, like he was actually excited to hear what Bob had to say. “The most important part is that if there’s something you need, you tell us so we can help you. Even if it seems silly, if there’s something that will help you feel better, you tell one of us what it is.”

Billy nodded. “Starting now?” he questioned with a quirked eyebrow, and Bob laughed.

“Yeah, starting right now. Why? What do you need, kiddo?”

Still feeling a bit shy, Billy bit his lip before he asked, “Can you come sit with me?” Bob nodded, so Billy scooted over to the edge of the exam table to make room for the other. Bob sat down beside Billy, leaving some space between the two of them. He’d let Billy close the gap if he wanted.

It only took a moment for Billy to wiggle closer to Bob, close enough he could reach out and grab him if he wanted, but with enough space that they weren’t touching quite yet. “You’re being so brave, Billy,” Bob offered again with a smile.

This time, Billy smiled back.

Just then, there was a sharp knock on the door and a tall, dark-haired man opened the door. “Bob, buddy, how are you? Long time, no see!” He stepped into the room and shook Bob’s hand before turning his attention to Billy. “And you must be Mr. Billy. I’m Dr. Luke Dillon, but people just call me Dr. Luke. It’s nice to meet you.”

Billy couldn’t do anything but nod, his voice stuck in his throat. Unlike Bob, who looked overall non-threatening and unassuming, Dr. Luke was large, muscular, and a little terrifying, if Billy did say so himself. He was tall, seeming to tower over Billy even from his position by the door. Though the man was smiling and clearly trying to make Billy feel at ease, Billy had the overwhelming urge to run.

Fearful eyes turned pleading as they dragged from Dr. Luke to Bob, who was studying Billy carefully. Billy’s gaze didn’t stay on Bob for long though; the moment Dr. Luke started moving across the room toward the desk where Billy’s file sat, Billy was watching his every move, body tense. “So, Dr. Luke,” Bob interrupted, thankfully breaking the tension in the room. “Billy was telling me that his dad usually answers all the doctor’s questions, so this’ll be the first time he’s doing it himself today. Isn’t that something?”

Dr. Luke’s smile turned even softer than it had been before, looking up from the file to nod at Billy. “That’s brave of you, kiddo.”

“Mr. Bob said he’d help me,” Billy finally croaked, the first words he’d been able to muster up since the doctor came in. He drew his legs toward his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees, effectively creating another barrier between him and the doctor.

“Well,” Dr. Luke smiled. “If there’s anything I know about our friend Bob over here, it’s that he is a great helper. You’re in good hands, Billy.” After letting that statement sink in for a minute, Dr. Luke leaned against the desk, looking at the child on the exam table. “You ready to get started?”

Billy couldn’t help but look back up at Bob for reassurance. “Whenever you’re ready,” Bob smiled. “You’re leading the team here.”

Billy didn’t quite understand what Bob meant by that, but he nodded anyway. “I’m ready,” he whispered. So Dr. Luke began to ask Billy questions. Some were easy, like what Billy’s favorite color was or what he liked to do in his free time. Other questions weren’t quite as easy, like what a normal night at home with his dad looked like, and what happened when Billy was sick.

And that’s when things got hairy.

#stranger things #billy hargrove #ao3 #insomniacwriter17 #bob newby #foster care au #cw: child abuse #sftf #billy hargrove deserved better #bob newby deserved better #doctor visits

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likecastle · 1 year

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Ronance Femslash February

OK, so . . . this is the first prompt I’ve gotten for Ronance Femslash February where I’ve significantly deviated from the prompt. The prompt was this: “nancy gets pregnant and robin steps in and helps nancy w her pregnancy and theyre great mothers.” Anon, I genuinely appreciate you sending this prompt, but as I turned over how I would fill it, I came to the conclusion that this scenario just isn’t how I see these characters. I’ve read and enjoyed fic where Robin and Nancy have kids in some way or another, but it’s just not my read on Nancy especially as a character. Maybe I should have just passed on this one, but it did get my gears turning to think about how I would take this subject matter on. I wound up writing something that was almost entirely the opposite of the prompt, and I’ll completely understand, anon, if it’s very much not your jam. I’m still grateful to you for giving me the chance to explore my understanding of these characters through this lens.

I’m accepting Ronance prompts all month for Femslash February. You can find previous prompts I’ve filled here.

Putting this one behind a cut, mostly for length. Content warning for non-graphic discussion of pregnancy and abortion.

Nancy shows up at Robin’s door soaking wet, with a bottle of vodka in a soggy paper bag. Robin thinks she’s been crying, but it’s impossible to tell with all the water streaming from her hair.

“I was in the neighborhood,” Nancy says, and her voice cracks in a way that instantly turns Robin’s insides to ice.

Robin was supposed to go out with some friends from work, but she immediately hustles Nancy into her room and calls to cancel while Nancy changes into dry clothes. Once they’re nestled under a blanket on the couch, with a glass of vodka in front of each of them, Robin begins the elaborate conversational ritual of finding out what’s bothering Nancy. The problem is, a direct line of questioning usually only succeeds in getting Nancy’s hackles up, and someone who tried to wait for Nancy to volunteer that information herself could easily wait forever. Robin’s gotten better, over the years, at restraining her own panicked instincts and slowly leading the conversation around to whatever it is that’s bothering Nancy, gradually drawing her out until she’s ready to talk about what’s on her mind.

Which is how it happens that Robin’s solidly tipsy by the time Nancy finally says, “There’s actually something I wanted to ask you.”

“Whatever you need, Nance,” Robin says, bumping their shoulders together. She can smell the product in Nancy’s damp hair, something sharp and sandalwood-y. “You know that. Anything, always.”

Nancy gives her a thin smile. “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment on Friday, and I was hoping, um, that you’d come with me?”

This isn’t exactly what Robin was expecting, but it’s hardly the most onerous thing Nancy’s ever asked of her. She and Steve helped Nancy and Jonathan move into their third-floor walkup in a 100-degree weather last year, so sitting in a doctor’s waiting room is no big deal compared to actual heat exhaustion.

“I know you don’t like doctors,” Nancy says in an apologetic rush, evidently taking Robin’s surprise for dismay, “but I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have with me. But it’s OK if you don’t want to, I can find someone else.”

Something about the way she says it gets Robin’s brain spinning off into paranoid scenarios. “Of course I’ll come, Nance, don’t even worry about it. But if you think you’re really sick, or something, you’re legally obligated to tell me. You’re entitled to your privacy and everything, but I will literally implode if I have to worry that you’re dying or something for the next week.”

“I’m pregnant,” Nancy says dully.

Later, Robin will blame the three glasses of vodka she’s had for what she says next. “Oh, shit. Or,” she adds too late, her brain catching up with her mouth, “sorry—uh—congrats?”

Nancy shakes her head, and sniffs. “I think you got it right the first time.”

“Does—” Robin realizes even as she starts saying it that she may be making a mistake, but she can’t stop now. “Does Jonathan know?”

Nancy shakes her head again. “No, and he’s not going to. That’s . . . how I knew I couldn’t go through with it. The thought of telling him, of—of having to have a serious conversation with him about what we were going to do, I just—I couldn’t.” She stares out across Robin’s living room, as if pretending Robin isn’t sitting right next to her will make any of this easier to say. “And I don’t just mean I couldn’t talk to him about it, I mean I don’t want to. I don’t want to make that decision with him, and I don’t want that life with him. Maybe not with anyone, but definitely not with him.” Finally, she picks up her untouched glass and takes a swallow, grimacing. “I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.”

Robin stares at her. This is classic Nancy Wheeler, burying the lede twice over. “You broke up?”

“Suddenly it just seemed so obvious,” Nancy says simply, and she seems almost relieved to be saying it. “It was like confronting the possibility of having a child with him—getting married and buying a house—just made it unbelievably clear how much I don’t want any of that. For such a long time, I’ve been telling myself—maybe when the time’s right, I’ll want those things, but having that life with him is never going to feel right for me. And once I realized that, I just . . . I couldn’t even sleep in the same bed with him.” She takes another swallow of her drink, and then her glass is empty. “I guess I’ll need to start looking for a new place.”

“You can stay here,” Robin says, without hesitation. “If you want.”

“You’re sure?” Nancy asks, turning to look at her for the first time with such a tentative expression that Robin wonders if Nancy was expecting Robin to hate her—if Nancy doesn’t know that nothing she could do could ever make Robin turn her back on her.

“Of course.” Robin bumps their shoulders together again, and this time neither of them quite pulls away. Nancy is warm against her, and all Robin wants to do is draw her into her arms and never let go, so that’s what she does.

On Friday, she holds Nancy’s hand in the cool white quiet of the clinic, and she keeps holding her hand for as long as Nancy needs.

#ronance #robin x nancy #robin/nancy #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #ronance femslash february #honestly i don't even know if i should tag this as ronance #in my mind it's extremely pre pre pre ronance #but i'd need like at least 60k words to do right by that slow burn concept #so . . . here's this instead

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johnsbleu · 2 years

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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 133

warnings: none, just a little nsfw (barely) convo at the end hmh masterlist

Life with a newborn hasn’t been completely life changing, but your routine is definitely a bit different now. Every morning Ronan wakes up between 6 and 6:30, and usually John is the one to get her since he’s already up. Once you’ve gotten more rest and you’ve healed more, you know that you’ll be getting up earlier to get her for her first feeding.

Since Ronan wakes up for her first feeding around 6, she usually goes down for her first nap at 8, which is perfect because it gives you and John time to get ready for the day yourselves. You’ll shower quickly, get dressed, eat some breakfast, and John makes a pot of coffee for the two of you for the day. Around 9, Ronan wakes up for another feeding, and John always brings her to wherever you are so the two of you can watch her eat and spend time together as a family before he needs to run some errands if he needs to that day.

Even though it’s only been a little over a week, the two of you already have a whole system down. It’s been helping a lot with your baby blues as well to have a routine.

Last night wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, but it wasn’t the most difficult night you’ll ever have or even have had. Ronan usually only wakes up about twice in the night to feed, but last night, she woke up about four times. John was there to help though, so that was nice.

Today is Ronan’s first appointment since she’s been born, and to say that you and John are nervous is an understatement. You’re not entirely sure why you’re so nervous since Ronan was healthy and happy at the hospital, and since she’s been home, she’s been just as good. The only downside is that she isn’t latching once again, so you’ve decided to just bottle feed from now on since she doesn’t seem to want to breastfeed. You’re a little hurt by it, which contributed a lot to your baby blues but you know that what matters most is that she’s getting food.

It’s a little after 8, which means Ronan is down for her nap and she won’t be up for about an hour, so you and John are already getting yourselves ready for the day. You’ve invited everyone over for a barbecue so they can finally meet Ronan, and you’re so excited to be able to show off the newest member of your family!

“So,” John looks up from the baby monitor at you as you inhale your breakfast, “Whoa, baby, slow down.”

“I’m sorry,” you laugh, covering your mouth with your hand, “I’m like…ravenous lately.”

John walks over to you at the table and sits down, “You did a lot of work, and your body has to recover from it. How are you feeling otherwise?”

“Pretty good. The pain is pretty much gone, which I was a little shocked about. I mean, it’s been a little over a week, but my doctor said it was normal, I guess. Emotionally I feel so much better too.” you say, and John smiles wide, then he watches as you put your hands on your boobs, “My breasts are a little tender, but what little milk I had is drying up. I’m still so bummed about not being able to breastfeed, but hopefully I can work with a lactation nurse next pregnancy and I’ll be able to do that.”

“You’re an amazing mother.” he says, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand, “Watching you this past week has made my heart grow twenty times bigger.”

You nod as you lean over to kiss John, “Mine too. Seeing you in the night with Ronan on your chest and watching you soothe her has been the highlight, no doubt. I just love you so much. I didn’t think I could love you any more than I do--which is a whole lot, by the way--but I have so much fucking love for you and for how you’re responding to our new roles.”

John shrugs as his cheeks turn a little red, “They’re great roles.”

“They really are.” you nod, getting up from your chair to sit in John’s lap. You wrap your arms around John’s neck to hug him tight, and the two of you bask in the silence for a moment before you hear Ronan whimpering on the the baby monitor. “That was 3 minutes. Definitely the record.”

John chuckles as you get off his lap, “I am determined to hold you for five uninterrupted minutes.”

“Well,” you laugh quietly, “Maybe in 18 years.”

Leaving the kitchen, you head up to your room to check on Ronan. She’s crying a little when you walk into your room but as soon as you say hello to her, she stops and looks around.

“Hi, bug.” you whisper as you bend over to look at her in the bassinet, then you get her unswaddled, her arms shooting above her head as she stretches, “Are you gettin’ hungry? Momma will feed you.”

Ronan lets out one big cry and begins to kick her legs as she grows more and more fussy. John rounds the corner with a bottle in his hand, and he waits until you’re comfortable on the bed to hand it to you. He watches you as you prop Ronan up in your arms to feed her, then he crawls into bed to watch as she drinks her bottle.

“She looks just like you, John.” you whisper, staring into Ronan’s brown eyes.

John presses a kiss to Ronan’s forehead, then he sits back up to kiss your cheek, “I think she looks like you sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah? When she’s crying?” you joke, and John starts to laugh.

“No, she’s beautiful just like her momma.” John whispers as he rubs his thumb against her forehead. “And she has my entire heart just like her momma.”

You smile as you look over at John, “I love you, Wick.”

“I love you.” he says as his gaze falls to your lips, and he leans over to give you another kiss with a little more warmth.

Thankfully you got to your appointment in enough time to fill out all of your paperwork, and Ronan has been a little angel this whole time. She’s still sleeping, but she’s in John’s arms instead. He absolutely loves to hold her, and you don’t blame him one bit.

John sits down in the chair next to you and bounces Ronan a little, “Hey, baby girl.”

“You’ll need to take her clothes off.” you say, and John looks over at you, “They’ll have to weigh her and measure her, so we’ll just take off her clothes and wrap her in a blanket. It’ll only take a few minutes.”

“Okay,” John nods, “I just don’t want her to be too cold.”

“She’s going to be fine, John.” you chuckle as he stands up and puts Ronan on the bed so he can pull off her onesie. He wraps a blanket around her, then he sits down next to you again as the door opens.

A middle aged woman with salt and pepper hair and pale skin steps in, and when she smiles, she has the most beautiful teeth you’ve ever seen. She looks at you and John, then she stretches out her arm to shake your hand, “Hi, I’m Amy. I’m your nurse, and I’ll be handling this first half of the exam.”

“I’m Y/N, this is my husband, John. And this little one is Ronan.” you smile, then you smile at John as he looks down at Ronan in his arms.

Amy bends down a little to get a look at Ronan, then she puts her hand over her heart as she stands back up, “Oh, she’s precious. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” you smile, then you look over at John to see him beaming with pride.

“So, we’re just going to do some checkups today. Just measuring her height and weight, and don’t be alarmed if she’s lost weight since birth. That usually happens in the first week, but she’ll start gaining it back by her two week checkup.” she says, then she gestures for John to lay Ronan on the bed.

The two of you watch closely as she measures Ronan from top to bottom, then she uses the tape measure to determine the circumference of Ronan’s head. Amy smiles at Ronan and talks to her as she continues looking her over, and John is standing right next to her the whole time.

“She is a wiggly baby.” Amy laughs as she tries to listen to Ronan’s heart, then she gives John a nod to let him know he can hold her again. She writes everything down on the chart, then she smiles as she looks over at you and John, “So, she’s lost a little weight, and like I said it’s totally normal. She’s a pretty chunky baby, and she hasn’t lost enough weight to cause us any alarm. If she had, I would definitely suggest feeding her a bigger bottle and more often, but she hasn’t. Doctor Marlene will be in shortly to finish up the rest of the exam, so with that, I’ll be going unless you two have any questions.”

You look at John and shrug, then you smile as you look at Amy, “No, I think we’re good. Thank you so much.”

“Have a great day.”

Only a few minutes pass before the door opens again, and your doctor steps in wearing a bright colored top under her lab coat which is covered in cats and dogs. She’s a new doctor that you haven’t seen yet, but Doctor Mendez recommended her.

“Hello, hello.” she smiles, reaching out for John’s hand to shake, “Doctor Marlene.”

“John.” he nods, then he bounces Ronan a little, “This is Ronan.”

“Ronan, what a beautiful name for such a beautiful little girl.” Doctor Marlene smiles, then she looks over at you, “And you must be mom.”

You smile as you reach out to shake her hand, “I’m Y/N.”

Doctor Marlene looks over at Ronan as John places her on the bed, and she smiles when John keeps his hand on her stomach like he’s afraid she’s going to roll off and hurt herself.

“So, you’ve obviously met Nurse Amy, she’s great with kiddos. She took baby’s measurements, and from the looks of it, Ronan is just where she should be at this point. I see she’s lost a little weight, which is normal, I’m sure Amy reassured you of that a few times.” she says, leaning back against the counter, “Today, I’m going to be checking her collarbone…”

“Her collarbone?” John asks, and you look over at him as his deep voice fills the small room. “Why her collarbone?”

Doctor Marlene smiles at John’s curiosity and nods as she takes a deep breath, “Well, sometimes babies fracture their clavicle when they’re squeezing through the birth canal. It mends in a few weeks, you just need to be extra careful of course.”

John nods his head, then he looks down at Ronan, already growing worried about Ronan and her fragile little collarbone. The doctor looks over at you and smiles, then she moves to check Ronan before John bursts into tears. She feels along Ronan’s neckline, then she smiles and nods.

“She’s good, Mr. Wick. You can relax.” Doctor Marlene can tell that John is growing more and more nervous, so she decides to finish the rest of the exam. She palms around Ronan’s head to feel it, then she lays Ronan back down so she can check her hips, her reflexes, her pulse, and a few other things. “You can hold her now, Mr. Wick.”

“Please, you can call me John.” he says, then he sits down next to you as he wraps Ronan back up.

Doctor Marlene nods her head, then she’s silent for a moment as she types down the notes on her laptop. She takes a deep breath and looks over at you, “She’s in great health, and she’s doing really well. Are you breastfeeding?”

“I’m not. I was at the hospital and for a day or so after we got home, but she stopped latching, and my milk has dried up. Guess there wasn’t much in there.” you say, laughing a little to hide your hurt, “I called Doctor Mendez and she told me to switch to bottle feeding full time.”

“Nothing wrong with that. As long as she’s getting fed!” she smiles at you and nods, “How often does she feed?”

“About 7 or 8 times a day, every two or so hours.” you look at John, and he nods his head, agreeing with you. “She sleeps really well through the night so far, and we only have to get up once to feed and change her.”

“And you change her every time she gets fed?”

You nod, “Yup, and any time in between. It’s like we never stop changing her diaper, I’ve never seen so many diapers in my life.”

Doctor Marlene laughs as she taps away on her keyboard, then she keeps her gaze set on her laptop as she asks more questions, “And sleeping? You said she’s good?”

“Yeah, she sleeps really well at night.” John says, bouncing Ronan. “And she sleeps really well during the day. Always on her back too.”

“Very good, dad.” she smiles, letting out a small laugh, “So, Ronan won’t need any shots until she comes in for her two month checkup, if that’s something you want to do.”

You and John both nod in unison, “Absolutely.”

“Okay,” she nods, then she stands up, “Mr. and Mrs. Wick, you have a beautiful, healthy little girl, and I can’t wait to go on this journey with you and watch her grow!”

“Thank you so much.” John reaches for her hand and shakes it. He looks down at Ronan and smiles wide, “You did so good, bug! Didn’t she, momma?”

You nod as you look up at John, “Mhm.”

“Are you okay?”

You shake your head and shrug, “I just feel so sad that she’s a week old already.”

John nods his head as he puts Ronan in her car seat, then he looks over at you and smiles, “Are you ready to show off your baby, Mrs. Wick?”

“Yeah,” you nod, then you smile at John when he cups your face, “I can’t wait.”

It’s mid-afternoon, which means Ronan has just had her afternoon feeding and she’s now down for her nap. You had planned everything out so that while she’s sleeping, everyone will be getting here, and they can hang out and relax for a little bit before she wakes up. Hopefully she won’t be too fussy since this is the first time she’s going to be around more people.

John is helping you get the patio cleaned off since the wind was a little bit crazy this morning and it blew leaves all over the place. He pulled the grill from the backyard to the patio, and he even ran to the store to get a few things that he had forgotten to grab.

He sits down on the loveseat, then he pats it and looks at you, “Come here.”

You set the broom aside and walk over to sit next to John, and he carefully moves your hair off your shoulder to look at you before the two of you look around the yard. John presses a kiss to the top of your head, then he lets out a content sigh.

“I can’t wait for everyone to meet Ronan.” he says, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, “I can’t wait for Harper and Benji to meet her.”

You laugh quietly, “Harper will love her, Benji probably won’t really care. He thinks you’re much cooler than a baby. Amanda said he still talks about when we went to the roller rink.”

John hugs you tighter to his side, then he exhales contently, “I should probably get the food ready. You’re probably getting hungry, huh?”

“Yeah, but I’m fine to just snack on stuff until people are ready to eat.” you say, then you look up to see Aurelio pulling into the driveway. “Why don’t you go greet everyone? I’ll just make myself a salad or something.”

John claps his hands together as he gets off the loveseat to greet Aurelio and his family, and you can’t help but smile when you realize just how excited John is. You hear John greeting everyone as you walk back inside, and you stop by the monitor to see Ronan wiggling around in her bed.

“Oh, you little stinker.” you whisper, making your way up to her room. You get Ronan from her bed and change her diaper since she’s bombed it already, then you change her into a different outfit that’s a little thinner since it’s so warm outside today. “Hi, bug. How are you doing?”

Ronan coos a little, then she wiggles around on the changing table. Taking her back into your arms, you sit down in the rocking chair to see if she’ll maybe go back to sleep for at least another 30 minutes.

“So,” you exhale, rocking back and forth, “How am I doing so far? Am I good momma? Sorry I was having a rough go of it at the start there. Postpartum is no joke.”

Ronan yawns silently as she stretches her arms above her head, then she grunts a little as she moves around.

You press a soft kiss to her head and inhale her new baby scent, “Your daddy has been doing so much of the work lately, I feel like maybe you and I aren’t having enough time to bond. I try to get up and help you in the night, but daddy stops me.”

You know John is just trying his best to help you, but sometimes it feels like Ronan is his kid and not yours. Anytime you wake up in the night to help with her, John immediately tells you to go back to bed. You know that you should be grateful for it--and you are!--but sometimes you want to spend those early hours in the morning holding and feeding your baby. It’s obvious that it’s just his way of helping you since you really were having a hard time those first few days.

There’s a soft knock at the door, and you look up to see John poking his head in, “Hi, girls.”

You smile, holding Ronan’s hand up so she can wave, “Hi, daddy.”

John walks over and kneels down in front of the two of you, “Can’t sleep?”

“She had a dirty diaper. I’m hoping she’ll go down for a bit longer, but I don’t think we’re going to have much luck.”

“Well, that’s okay,” John says, standing back up, “Everyone’s starting to get here, so…”

John places his hands in front of you as you get up from the chair, then he smiles when you look at him. You grab Ronan’s blanket and pacifier, and you put it in her mouth and smile when you see her sucking on it.

“I think she’s hungry again.” you whisper as you walk out of the room, “She’s probably wondering why no food is coming out of that.”

“I can make her another bottle.” John says, placing one hand on your lower back and the other around you to help hold Ronan.

You look out the window as you walk down the stairs, and you see Aurelio and his family are all sitting around the table. You look out across the yard to see Finn, Tess, and Jimmy making their way over.

“Yeah, that would be great.” you smile, looking up at John as he leans down to kiss you. You head outside to greet everyone, and Amanda gasps when she sees the tiny baby in your arms. “Hi, everyone.”

“Oh, my gosh,” she stands up and walks over to get a good look at Ronan, “She is so beautiful. Look at her hair! Oh, my gosh, and her brown eyes!”

Aurelio laughs, “No denying she’s John’s.”

You laugh as you sit down in the loveseat, “Oh, I know. The moment she was born, she was the spitting image of John. Thankfully he’s cute!”

Amanda keeps a tight grip on Harper since she’s trying to get a look at Ronan, and she sits down on the chair across from you, “How are you feeling?”

“If we’re being honest, I feel so damn tired and so hungry. John and I are just so in love with Ronan, we kinda forget about ourselves. We’ll sit down to talk about what we want for dinner, then we fall asleep and don’t wake up until it’s the middle of the night.” you say, looking over as John comes out with Ronan’s bottle. You know he’ll be dying to feed her, so you hand her off to him so he can do it. “Poor John was having a hard time trying to figure out who to tend to first when I’d be crying along with Ronan.”

John chuckles as he nods, “I think we got it down now though.”

“Sort of, I’m still having weird emotions, and I’m still starving. Like I could literally eat non-stop.” you chuckle, then you shrug as you look at Amanda, “But things are starting to look up.”

Once Amanda got wind of what was happening with you (definitely from Tess, which you don’t mind), she started making some meals for you and John. She’d drop them off on the front step without even sticking around. It was nice how she respected that you and John just needed your privacy for awhile.

You smile as you look at her, “Thank you so much for making those meals for us. I think we have enough leftovers to last us for the next two months.”

“Of course!” Amanda smiles genuinely, then she looks at Aurelio, “I didn’t want anyone around after I had Benji, so I totally understand that you weren’t up for visitors. I am more than happy to respect that. Postpartum is freaking hard!”

“Well, she’s not gonna get rid of me though. I don’t care what you say.” Tess says, and you smile at her.

You chuckle as your eyes fall onto everyone, “I don’t want to get rid of any of you guys. You’ve been such a big help to us, so seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

John nods, “Thanks for everything.”

Aurelio waves his hand, “Not a problem, man.”

“Are you feeling better?” Amanda asks, and you inhale as you nod.

“John and I went out and did some running around two days ago, and I felt so freaking good!” you say, then you shake your head, “We had breakfast out with Ro, we went and did some grocery shopping, went out to dinner with Tess and Jimmy. Had a great night at home just hanging out. Next morning I woke up and was just…dead. I had no motivation to get up, I wanted to crawl in a hole and just cry all day.”

John pats your leg, “She just needs to find a balance.”

“I feel like I’ve found it now.” you say, nodding your head, “I think I just pushed myself because I felt so good, so for the last few days, we’ve just been taking it really easy and keeping to ourselves. My mom has been coming over to help out too, so it’s nice. I’m really starting to feel like myself again. Thank god!”

Amanda laughs, then she looks at Ronan in John’s arms, “How was your labor?”

“It was so good. My labor and birth were really good, and everything went really smooth.”

“It was amazing.” John smiles, and you roll your eyes a little. “I was so proud of her.”

You shake your head a little and look at Amanda, “I started having contractions around 3 in the morning and they lasted for about 12 hours. I didn’t want to go to the hospital and be sent home, but finally I agreed to go since I had no idea what my progress was. We started heading to the house to get our things, next thing I knew, my water broke and John was frantically running around to get everything. I got to the hospital, waited a little bit longer, got my epidural, and didn’t feel much.”

“The best.” Tess says as she sits down.

“Yeah,” you nod, looking over to check on Ronan, “We came home that next night and had such good sleep, then everything went downhill with me. Honestly I thought he’d see what a mess I was and just take off with Ronan.”

John laughs, “Absolutely not. Who would I get to change her smelly diapers?”

You playfully slap the back of your hand against his arm and laugh, “Ass.”

“You seem much better!” Amanda smiles as she lets go of Harper.

“Much better! We’re so in love with this little bug and I feel so complete when I have John and her in my arms. I just adore them both.” you say, then you look down at Harper, “Do you want to see my baby?”

Harper nods her head as she looks up at you, then she crawls onto the loveseat between you and John. He carefully places Ronan in her arms and keeps his hands on her so she doesn’t fall. Aurelio and Amanda both get out of their seats and kneel down to take a picture of Harper, and the smile on her face is so sweet.

You look up at Benji, who is keeping his distance and playing with Finn, then you smile, “Benji, do you want to see her?”

Benji shrugs a little, then he walks over and looks at Ronan. He’s trying his hardest not to smile, but when Ronan kicks her legs and grunts a little, he lets out a laugh, “What’s her name?”

“Her name is Ronan.” John smiles, and Benji leans over more to look at Ronan.

“Uh, are you her dad?”

John smiles proudly, “I am. And Y/N is her mom.”

“She’s little.”

“She is very little.” John laughs, then he looks at you and leans over to kiss your cheek. “I think she’s gonna be pretty tiny like her mom, but soon she’ll be a big kid like Finn, so you can play with her.”

“I can play with her and Finn?”

Aurelio laughs as he ruffles his hair, “Of course.”

Tess sits down on the arm of the loveseat and nudges you, “Hey, how did her appointment go?”

“Really well. We liked Doctor Marlene.”

John laughs, “It’s a little weird that she goes by her first name, but she was nice.”

Tess lets out a loud laugh as she tilts her head back, “Jimmy thinks it’s weird too.”

“Our appointment went well. She lost a little weight, but that’s to be expected of course.” you say, and you reach over to take Ronan when she gets a bit fussy, “John was beyond nervous for our appointment, and he’ll end up giving himself a heart attack if he doesn’t calm down a little.”

John laughs, “It’s stressful having a kid.”

Aurelio and Jimmy both laugh and nod their heads, but Tess immediately rolls her eyes and scoffs, “Being a dad is much easier than being a mom, let’s be real.”

“I won’t fight you on that.” Jimmy smiles as he wraps his arm around her shoulder.

Ronan was a little sleepy from all the excitement she had today, and she went down a little sooner than usual. You and John got her bathed, fed, and in bed within an hour, and you’re just now waiting on the couch for John to get done cleaning the patio.

John finally comes inside and presses a kiss to the top of your head as he walks past. He heads into the bathroom, then he comes out a few minutes later and plops down on the couch next to you, “What are we watching?”

“Uh,” you look at the TV and shrug, “I don’t know. Up to you.”

As John exhales, he takes the remote from you and flips around the channels to find something. With no luck, he mutes the TV and puts the remote down, “How about we just talk? Maybe you can tell me what’s been bothering you all day?”

You scrunch your face up as you laugh, “How did you even know?”

“Remember, Mrs. Wick, I know you very well.”

Taking a deep breath, you look down at your hands in your lap and watch as John intertwines his fingers with yours. You look up at him timidly and shrug, “You promise not to be mad at me?”

“Never.” he says, letting go of your hand to wrap his arm around your shoulder, “These are your feelings, and I would never get mad at you for having them.”

“Since Ronan has been born, I feel like you’ve been doing all of the work. I wake up in the night to feed her and change her, but you tell me to go back to bed. During the day, I try to feed her and you go do it instead. I feel like I’m not getting the chance to be her mom. I mean, even at the doctor earlier, I just sat there and let you do everything. I feel like I’m either not pulling my weight, or I’m just not made to be a mom.”

John looks at you as you talk, and he squeezes your hand a little tighter to let you know that he’s listening and taking in everything that you’re saying.

“Thank you for telling me how you’re feeling.” he says, and he wipes away the small tear escaping from your eye. “You were definitely made to be a mom, baby. You are so good with Ronan. When you change her and feed her, it’s like second nature to you. You could do it all with your hand tied behind your back. I’m sorry that you feel this way, but I promise that it’s not true. You are pulling your weight. You’re doing exactly what you need to be doing right now: resting.”

“But I’m not getting up and helping you in the night.”

John smiles tenderly, “Because I want you to rest. I want you to feel like yourself again, and that starts with you resting. I know how tired you are, and trust me, I’m tired too, but it’s nothing compared to what you’re feeling.”

“I am pretty tired.” you whisper, then you exhale loudly, “It’s just that I’m starting to feel better now, and I don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of the fact that you are helping out with her. I don’t want you to do everything for her.”

John nods his head, “You and Ronan have a bond that I will never have with her. You carried her inside of you for nine whole months. She’s only been here for a week, but your bond with her is already incredibly strong. I feel like it’s important for me to take over some of the work because it helps me bond with her.”

“Hmm,” you look up at John and shrug, “I never thought of that. I guess I just thought about how I was feeling.”

“I was thinking about myself too.” John admits. “I guess I didn’t think about how that hurt your feelings when I would kind of push you out of the way to do things for her instead. I really was doing it in your best interest, I would never purposefully push you out of the way. I just want you to feel like yourself again.”

You exhale as you look over at him, “I know, and I know I should be thankful that you’re even willing to get up and tend to her in the night, so with that being said, thank you so much for all you’re doing for our daughter and me. I promise it doesn’t go unnoticed.”

John lets out a small laugh as he pulls you closer, “You don’t need to thank me. I’m just doing my job, and honestly, it’s fun. I like it. But I promise to let you get her in the night.”

“I just want us to have those special little moments as a family, you know? I just want to have those moments so we’ll look back in four years and say ‘man, she was up all night that night, but it was nice to have you with me the whole time’, you know?”

“I just…” John stops talking as he looks away from you, and you notice tears in his eyes when he looks up at you, “Seeing you in so much pain, it brought back memories that I never wanted to think about again. Losing Helen was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through, and even though I knew you weren’t going to die, I still had this fear of losing you--I always have the fear of losing you. I just thought if I did everything, you wouldn’t strain yourself.”

“John…” you whisper softly as you turn to face him, “I’m not going anywhere. I promise I will never leave you. Not only am I in this for the long haul, I’m healthy too! I’m perfectly fine! You’re not losing me…ever!”

John nods his head a few times and finally looks up at you, “I don’t think I’d be able to handle losing you. I would die. I’m not being dramatic either.”

“Well,” you laugh a little, “Yeah, you are. We had a talk about this already, remember?”

John playfully rolls his eyes, “I know, I know. Sometimes I just feel like you have an expiration date, sometimes I just feel like I’m running out of time with you. I only had Helen for five years before I lost her, and I can’t go through it all again. I feel…cursed.”

“Why are you talking about me dying as if it’s going to happen? John, I’m going to be around for a long time. I mean, you’re going to be sick of me by the time Ronan is three.”

“Never,” he shakes his head as he chuckles, “I will never be sick of you. You’re my favorite person on this planet. I never get tired of being around you. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

You look at John as you smile, “Yeah, I mean, I’m the same way.”

“Even when you leave to hang out with Tess for the day, I just have my phone glued to my hand just in case you’ll text me.” he says, then he laughs, “Wow, I sound clingy.”

Shaking your head, you move to sit in John’s lap, “Not at all, because I’m the same way. I just love you so much, John. Seeing you with Ronan has, like I said earlier, made me love you so much more. I love seeing you in this role. It’s my favorite thing we’ve ever done together.”

“I can’t lose you.” he whispers against your lips.

“You won’t.” you whisper back, then you hold his gaze, “I’m sticking around for a long time, so you better get used to it.”

John smiles as he leans forward to kiss you, and he cups your face to keep you from moving away too quickly. He sucks on your bottom lip as you cup his face, then he slides his tongue into your mouth.

You sigh, “How are we ever going to last six weeks?”

“You wanna have sex with me?”

You shrug a little, “I mean, I’m still sore down there and when I start to get a little turned on, my vagina reminds me to calm down, but…”

John laughs so loud that he puts his hand over his mouth so he doesn’t wake up Ronan, “I’m flattered.”

“I miss having sex with you. I miss when we’d have sex and I could…” you look away from John as your cheeks turn red, but he cups your face to bring your gaze back to him, “I miss not having a belly and being able to lay under you and feel my chest against yours. I miss seeing you on top of me, I miss feeling you inside of me. I know we had sex the day before Ronan was born, but still…”

John chuckles softly, “I think this is harder for you than it is for me.”

“Thanks, John.” you say, flatly. “That sure made me feel good.”

“Hey,” he cups your face with his right hand and wraps his left arm around you tighter, “You know that I want you…so ridiculously bad. It’s very hard not to just bend you over the table and fuck you. We’ll never be able to do that again.”

You furrow your brow, “I have a mom and a sister who both would love to take Ronan off our hands for the day.”

John laughs again, “I can’t believe we’re sitting here a week after having a baby and talking about how we’ll never have sex again.”

“She is not sleeping in our room forever. I think she should stay in there for about a month, then she needs to go into her own room. We were smart when we decided that during the day, she’d sleep in her room for her naps.” you cup John’s face and smile, “Once I get the okay from my doctor that I’m good to have sex, you better run, Mr. Wick.”

John smiles as he pulls you closer, “Oh, yeah, I’ll run as fast as I can.”

Wrapping your arms around John’s neck, you press your lips to his softly, then you part your lips so he can slide his tongue into your mouth. You move your hand into John’s hair as the kisses become more passionate and frantic, then you lean back a little to look at John as the two of you smile.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll run at all,” he whispers, and you laugh as you get up.

John hops up from the couch and walks through the house to turn off all of the lights and lock up while you head upstairs to your room. You bend over a little to look at Ronan swaddled in her bed, and you shake your head a little as you look at her.

“She’s so unbelievably cute.” you whisper, rubbing your finger against her cheek. “I know parents always think their baby is cute, but like…she actually is.”

John stands behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, “She is very cute.”

“I know she’s sleeping, but I just want to hold her and snuggle her so bad.” you say, moving out of John’s arms to change into your pajamas--and to keep you from grabbing Ronan to hold her. “I can’t wait until she’s like six months old.”

“Why six months?”

You laugh quietly as you crawl in bed, “I’m guessing you haven’t read that far ahead in your baby books yet.”

John laughs as he pulls his pants off, “No, I was kind of focusing on the pregnancy and newborn stuff. Silly me.”

You playfully roll your eyes and chuckle, “Six months is my favorite. Babies can sit without support, they know their name, they know their parents by then, well, before then but…you get what I mean. Some babies try to crawl. They’re very talkative, and they’re usually pretty chunky at that point. You know I love a chunky baby.”

“I’m excited for that, but at the same time…” John sighs and walks over to look at Ronan, “I don’t ever want her to grow up.”

You nod, “I know. I can’t believe we have a week old baby.”

John sits down on the edge of the bed and you sit up to lean against his shoulder as he smiles, “Look at her. She’s just so perfect. Her perfect round little head and her perfect skin.”

“I still can’t believe that she’s ours. We get to keep her forever.” you say, chuckling a little. “I can’t wait to raise her with you, Jonathan. You’re such an understanding and patient man. Ronan is very lucky to have a dad like that. Especially in this day and age. I want Ronan to be able to be who she is and I don’t want her to ever feel ashamed about who she is. I want her to be confident and happy in life, and with us as her parents, I think she will be.”

“I just love her.” he says, looking down at her one last time before getting in bed. “I’ll love her no matter what. No matter what.”

“And that’s why you’re the perfect person to be her dad.” you say, wrapping your arm around John when he lays down, “Something tells me that that little girl is going to have a mind of her own, and she’s going to have a voice that she won’t be afraid to use. I couldn’t be prouder of that.”

John smiles proudly as he looks at you, “She is our daughter after all.”

#john wick x you #john wick wick x reader #john wick imagine #john wick x y/n #fic: hold my hand #gahhh idk why but i have the worst anxiety over posting right now???#like this is a pretty chill chapter so idk why i'm feeling this way #i guess we all just get into our heads and get insecure about our writing and such #idk #ro is already one week old and i'm so sad lmao #anyway i hope u enjoy!

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confuzledartist · 4 months

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An Ode to Chronic Pain

Chronic pain is very annoying; it is somehow both excruciatingly way too consistent to bear and way too randomized to easily predict.

I logically know that putting off sleep or exercise will have an adverse effect on my levels of pain but I still do it.

I am certain that sitting hunched over will be perfectly acceptable because everyone I know does it, until afterward when my shoulders and neck ache.

I am angered that I can’t sing for too long because it will make my jaw pop, so I sing as loud as I can, in a vengeful quest to punish my body for punishing me.

When teachers assign homework, I start questioning how much physical therapy I totally don’t need to do that night, in order to complete it.

It is aggravating that I cannot use my peer’s consensus on how their bodies should be maintained to dictate how I need to behave.

Instead I have to decide what’s worth it and what’s not. I have less rules to work with from the start because I am running on a different system than most.

It’s a game of trying to create a balance of good decisions and bad decisions and finding out which one is which.

Should I be healthy or do my homework? Should I regret letting my emotions be released because I know it makes my neck tense and later ache? And wow, I should have worn my shoes because now my hips and knees hurt.

When your level of pain is higher than others it can feel like you have to prove that you're suffering.

Most people view doctors as a balm to help the pain of whatever they’re going through. So once the pain’s gotten worse again, my mom books me an appointment to the physical therapist. But because my pain levels seem to consistently fluctuate, by the time I’m actually at the appointment my issues might have mostly fixed themselves. And then it feels so incredibly awkward to admit that you’ve been feeling better lately because then why am I here?

It’s an illogical thought process because eventually the pain will get worse again and it’s good to learn methods to help prevent it, but at the moment? In that waiting room? In that office? It feels like getting help is so unnecessary.

The doctor sits down next to me, smiling, asking “how can I help you”? The forms they give me ask about my pain levels and I feel almost embarrassed when I mark it lower than it was when I originally asked to book the appointment. They’re probably wondering why you even booked this, when you don’t need any help.

The weirdest part is that part of me wants to be feeling worse, so I have a “reason” to be asking for help. It’s as though, If I’m not in enough pain that I can’t work nor be happy, then it’s fine that I feel as though all the screws in my joints were wound too tight. And then when I’m still in pain even though I’m begging myself to get better, I feel like I’m not properly using the help that was so nicely given to me.

To all the crappy thoughts:

Pain is cyclical and that’s okay, that’s natural!

Doctors are hired to help you improve, remember that.

If you’re feeling better, that’s great! How can they help you make sure you keep on feeling better? If you’re feeling so much better that you don’t feel you need to get help, that’s great too!

If your pain has gotten worse even if you’ve tried to lessen it, that's perfectly okay. And if you know you “should have” tried more to prevent your pain, that doesn’t mean you deserve to be in pain and it doesn’t mean you're ungrateful for the help.

America’s work and school schedules weren’t built with physical (or mental) health in mind, so it makes sense that you struggle with cramming it into everything else you’re doing.

You are just as deserving of love, help, and empathy when you’re at your worst or when you’re at your best.

#art #drawing #digital art #digital artist #poem with art #kind of mixed media??idk lol #mixed media #my photo #chronic pain #poem #doctor's office #physical therapy #artwork

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kittyprincessofcats · 10 months

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Good and bad stuff going on my life that I need to make a post about

GOOD - the small things literally keeping me going:

- I’m so hyped for Nimona. Haven’t watched it yet because I wanna finish the comic first (and with everything going on I find it hard to sit down and read), and also because I wanna watch it with my sisters when I visit them next week - BUT STILL I’M SO HYPED. I’m so glad to hear it’s good and that everyone’s loving it! And AAAAHHH have you seen Nate’s new art??

- I finally found a DnD-group and we played a One-Shot together on sunday. It was super fun and I can’t wait to play something longer with these guys.

- I recently made my first ever custom FunkoPop (as a b-day present for my sister) and it was SO insanely fun. I’ll post pictures here soon because I’m super proud of it.

- I recently visited my sisters I’m excited to see them again soon.

- My friend’s wedding was nice.

BAD - just too much stuff:

- Have a colonscopy & gastroscopy appointment on friday and I’m nervous. I mean it’s good that this is finally happening, but I’m also annoyed that I had to *ask and insist* because the doctor was going to rush me out with a premature IBS-diagnosis instead. It was only when *I* asked “Don’t you have to check for inflammatory bowel disease before making that diagnosis?” that she admitted “Yes, technically you’d have to.” Well, then why aren’t you doing what you “technically” have to? Why did I have to ask you to do your job properly?

- Same doctor did an ultrasound of my stomach area - turns out I have gallstones. (Just why, universe? Didn’t I have enough problems?) She then casually started talking about gallbladder removals, like... I’m right here, don’t just drop stuff like that on me, how am I supposed to go back to work and not break down there now?

- Had to ask a collague (who is nice, but I don’t know her that well) to pick me up from the doctor’s and drive me home on friday because I live alone, don’t have friends here who have a car and she was the only person I could think of. (She agreed and was really nice about it, but still.)

- Just... in general, health stuff is so much harder when you’re also lonely and have no one phyiscally here to comfort and hug you.

- I called my dad after that doctor’s appointment despite currently being low-contact with him and not really wanting to talk to him, just because I don’t know shit about whether gallstones are super bad or not and this was an “I need a parent” situation... which I wish either didn’t happen or that I had some better parental figure to ask.

- Visiting my sisters is unfortunately also a package deal with visiting my parents. I booked a hotel last time instead of sleeping at home just to I could limit my time with them - it was the right call, but still felt like too much time with them. I felt completely drained at the end of the day.

- My shitty colleague from this post hasn’t talked to me since and now my boss randomly wants to assign me to different clients... almost as if she did ask not to work with me anymore after all. (But really, that’s a good thing, I was going to ask for the same thing.)

- The work’s council took 6 weeks to get back to me about this and because 2 of them are total a**holes, they’re now telling me I don’t have to right to refuse projects for Russia (not true, I did my research) - and they did so in an e-mail that didn’t even properly answer my questions and made me feel like they hadn’t gotten my actual problem and weren’t taking me seriously. Just pissed at them rn and don’t know what to do. If the works council isn’t on your side during a dispute with your boss, then who can help? I don’t fucking want to lift a single finger for shithole-country, what’s not clicking?

#personal #as in very personal #long post

0 notes

belphies-cuhm-sluht · 3 years

Note

Hello! I saw your asks open and i wanted to request some angst headcanons with dad!Asmo. I just read Luci's and oh man that sure hurt my heart, you write angst so well!

Unwanted (Dad!Asmo x F!Reader) ANGST

A/N : Mammon plays a really big part in this, just as Beel played a big role in the dad!Lucifer fic. It's never hinted whether they're together or not, it's kind of up to the imagination... but if you'd like, I can write a part two to this??? (I will also, to anyone who might want it, write a part two to the dad!Lucifer fic)

Word Count : 2.3K Warnings : pregnancy ; children ; maternity ; babies ; hinted abortion ; angst ;

He never wanted children, he didn’t want anything that would actually tie him down to anything or anyone. It wasn’t his “thing”, and you both had done everything to prevent it from happening. Up until now, everything had worked, there had never been one mistake, but the both of you got sloppy. There was a party, and… well, you loved him, and he had said that he loved you, and precautions weren’t a “thing” at that moment. One slip up, one mistake, and now everything was falling apart.

“I didn’t want this. I don’t want that.” He spat the words at you, pointing towards your stomach. He had only stopped pacing long enough to say it before starting again, walking the length of his room as he gnawed at his perfectly manicured fingers. You hadn’t expected anything different from him, but it still hurt that he was blaming the whole thing on you, as if it didn’t take 50/50 participation to make something like this happen. “It’ll completely ruin my image. A child with a human! It’ll be all over the tabloids, in every magazine… I can’t have that.” His behavior shouldn’t have been that shocking to you, but to hear just how selfish he really was, to know that he thought so little of you, it hurt way worse than you ever thought it would. One moment he was professing his love to you, and now he’s disgusted with you. It could have been that your emotions were running high from the situation, or maybe the hormones had just taken over completely, but you wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, and you wanted to fight him. “Your image?! This thing could kill me and all you care about is your stupid public persona… Screw you! I wish I never fell in love with you.” His eyes went soft, and for a moment you thought that maybe he’d apologize, maybe he was rethinking his own words, his actions, that maybe you’d be able to be a team to work through this mess. You were wrong, you were so wrong. “Wish all you want, we both know you’d have never been able to resist me.” Narcissistic, selfish, he was just awful. You closed your eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears as you walked past him. He didn’t deserve your last words, he didn’t deserve anything. He didn’t deserve you.

The twelfth week was supposed to be the most exciting. It was when most couples would finally make their announcements, happily tell family and friends that they were expecting. Your twelfth week was a nightmare. You were trapped in the Devildom, human doctors wouldn’t know what the hell was going on if they delivered a child with horns, a child so angelically demonic that they’d probably call the hospital priest to your room as soon as they saw it. The only place where you’d be able to safely deliver a child like this and live through it would be in the Devildom. It’s not like you hadn’t tried to relieve yourself of the problem. You had gone to Lucifer, Satan, Barbatos, even Lord Diavolo, asking them if there was any way that they could just… get rid of it. Sadly, Asmodeus wasn’t just a narcissistic, selfish prick, he was also sadistic. None of them could do anything without Asmodeus’ approval since it was his child too. Every time one of them asked him, he would refuse. He didn’t even give a reason, he just wanted to see you suffer. Strangely, you had found comfort and solace in Mammon. You were pretty sure he was only helping because he still had a crush on you, but he became your emotional, mental, and physical support throughout everything. You had told him many times that he didn’t have to basically “fill in” for Asmo, but he insisted that it was the least he could do considering his little brother was being a dick. He wasn’t just your support at the house, he was… invested in the child that Asmo hadn’t wanted. He took you to doctors appointments, sometimes even getting in the way of the doctor as he pointed to the ultrasound screen. He was so excited that most people just assumed it was his kid, and he never denied it either. It was just easier that way, to go along with whatever the other demons said because he knew that any mention of Asmo would upset you and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Some days the both of you would sit on the couch in the living room, flipping through the pages of maternity books. He’d really try to understand the diagrams on the pages, but you could tell that he was confused and sometimes he’d even look up at you from the pages, and then down at your stomach, and then up at you, before looking back down at the pages. It was cute, and you’d giggle lightly, resting your head on his shoulder as you continued flipping through the pages. He had become the only person in the house that you felt like you could fully trust and rely on. Everyone else wanted to stay out of the drama, nobody wanted to get involved, but Mammon wasn’t there for the drama, he was only there for you, he was there when you needed him.

“Can you believe him? Can you believe both of them? We haven’t even broken up and they’re sleeping together, she’s even wearing his clothes. It’s ridiculous, and Mammon is out there playing dad with my kid.” Asmo sat on the edge of the counter, voicing his complaints to anyone who would listen. Sadly it was Beel’s turn since he was the only one in the kitchen right now. Most of the time the other brothers would just hide themselves away, not wanting to deal with Asmo right now, but Beel had gotten hungry and he really thought he’d be lucky enough to avoid his brother. “I don’t know what the big deal is… You didn’t want the kid anyway.” He wasn’t going to walk on eggshells around Asmo, he wasn’t going to lie to make anyone feel better. In Beel’s eyes, Asmo was completely in the wrong. “If Y/N is finding some sort of happiness in spending time with Mammon, who are you to complain? It stopped being your place when you said you didn’t want it.” He shrugged before grabbing his plate and going straight back to his room. He wasn’t going to continue listening to it, but he hoped that he had left Asmo with something to really think about. He walked up the stairs, going straight to the bedroom door, knocking loudly. He wasn’t going to stop until someone opened the door either. Mammon got up from the bed that you both had been propped up on, rolling his eyes as he walked over to his door, groaning loudly when he saw Asmo standing there. “Whaddaya want? We don’t need ya here… yer just gonna stress ‘er out.” He was trying to talk quietly, not wanting you to hear him or even know who was there. He was so protective of you, he wouldn’t let anyone else serve your food during meals, he’d even stand outside the bathroom door whenever you were in there just to make sure you didn’t fall or hurt yourself. Asmo pushed his way into the room much to Mammon’s annoyance. “I don’t care, Mammon. Y/N isn’t yours, and neither is the child. They’re both mine, and I’d like to have a word with her.” He said snidely, but Mammon wasn’t going to have it. Brother or not, he cared too much about you, he had worked so hard to help you get over what Asmo had done, and he wasn’t going to let him waltz back in and ruin everything. Mammon wasn’t weak, he was way stronger than he looked, and right now he was showing his strength, grabbing Asmo’s arm and practically throwing him out of the room. His teeth were barred and the growl that was coming from him sounded feral, animalistic, it was terrifying. “Neither of them are yers! I’ve been there fer everything, every doctor visit, I even bought a damn room fer the kid and she’s sleepin’ in my room, next ta me, and a next ta Y/N. Ya know why?! ‘Cause ya don’t jus’ get ta come back when ya fine’ly realize that ya fucked up! Now… leave us alone. We don’t need ya here.” He left Asmo out in the hallway, crumpled against the wall as he walked back into the room. “She…” Asmo kept repeating the word as he pushed himself up off the floor. He was having a daughter, and he hadn’t even known about it, he wouldn’t have known about it if Mammon hadn’t screamed at him. It was strange how knowing made things more real, it made him care more, and the worst part was that he knew it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you. He didn’t know how to fix what he had done, but he knew that he had to try at least. “Lucifer…” “I don’t want things to be like this when she gets here. It’s not going to be long either.” You sighed, finally relaxing once more in the bed once Mammon got in next to you. “Why was he here anyway?” Mammon shrugged, focusing all of his attention on your stomach trying to calm himself. He liked watching it move, he thought it was neat.

The delivery was smoother than you thought it would be, and Mammon only fainted twice during the whole thing, so he did pretty good. Delivering a child in the Devildom had its perks, the main one being that you didn’t have to stay more than one day in the hospital to recover. They did some spell and you were completely fine. It was strange, but you appreciated it greatly. The only issue with the perk was that it meant you were going back home and that meant you’d have to face Asmo. She looked so much like him, and you could tell that Mammon was upset by it. Even though he knew she wasn’t actually his, he wished that she didn’t look so much like her father. Her eyes were his exact color, and it left you speechless when she first opened them, gazing up at you with wonder and curiosity. She was precious, and she was yours. As you walked through the door you were met with balloons and streamers, and Asmo. You heard Mammon growl quietly, and you quickly held your hand out to him, silently begging him to stop. He was holding the carseat and you didn’t need him to lose his temper right now. “I just wanted to welcome her home, welcome you home. I bought some things for her, they’re outside of Mammon’s door.” Asmo said nervously, and for once he was terrified of being rejected. “We don’t need noth-” Mammon had started, but you quickly shook your head, pleading to him with your eyes to just stay calm. He groaned loudly, eyeing Asmo angrily before walking past him to the stairs. “Fine. She’s prob’ly hungry… I’m gonna feed ‘er. Ya comin’ up?” You nodded quickly, making sure he got up the stairs alright before turning back to Asmo. “What are you doing, Asmo?”

He moved into the living room, waiting for you to sit down before he did, and he looked scared, he looked sad. Of course you didn’t like seeing him like this, but it was his fault, he had caused all of this. “I don’t want to be alone. I know that sounds selfish, that I’m making this about myself again, but I’m not trying to. When Mammon told me… he said she… It's a girl?” You nodded slowly and you saw his face light up for only a second before it left once more. “I was scared, I am scared… I didn’t know if I’d be a good… father. I never saw myself as one, but seeing Mammon, and he’s doing so well… I never saw him as a father either… I thought that maybe, since he could… that maybe I could too.” He sighed, bringing his hand back up to his lips to chew at his fingers again, his orange eyes glistening with the tears that hadn’t fallen yet. “I know that what I said was wrong… I was rude. I didn’t think I’d have a problem finding someone to take my mind off of everything, but I was wrong. I love you, and nobody else is going to take your place, nobody else can take your place.” You both sat on the couch in silence, his tears finally falling as he waited for you to say something, and yours building up as you tried to think of something to say. “This isn’t fair… You know this isn’t fair. You can’t… you can’t pick and choose when you want to be a dad. You weren’t there… and you made it very clear that you didn’t want her. I… I can’t do this Asmo… I’m sorry… They’re waiting for me… I-I have to go.” You took a deep breath as you stood from the couch, wiping your tears with the back of your hands as you started walking to the stairs. “Y/N…” He walked up behind you, grabbing your hand to stop you. You didn’t turn around to face him, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, but he didn’t mind. He was actually thankful that you didn’t look at him, because what he was about to say was the hardest thing he’d ever have to say in his life. “I know that I’m unwanted… But… If I may… Can I meet her? Just once? Please?”

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lancermylove · 3 years

Text

Troublesome Brothers (HC)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: All x Reader, Luke platonic.

Warning: None

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: Can you do one where a female mc is like exhausted from having to fix all the brothers problems so they're just sleeping for like a week straight. How would the brothers react? And... Maybe the undateables if you can! Thank you 😁😁

A/N: This request is great but poor MC! I can imagine the game having an event like this. 😂

———————————————

Lucifer

Who do I need to punish!?

Then a line of questions follows. Who would tire you out to this point? Is Devildom getting to you? Does he need to send you back to your world? What will he tell Diavolo?

Lucifer doesn't know where to start, but then Simeon hints that he and his brothers are the reason behind your fatigue.

He swallows his pride and let's guilt take over. How could he be so careless? He's supposed to be watching over you, yet...

Lucifer calls his brothers for an emergency meeting and explains the situation to them. All the demons feel guilty and decide to write an apology letter to you.

Once you wake up, Lucifer hands you the letters and asks you to take it easy for the time being.

If any of his brothers dare to fight in front of you, he will glare them down until they shrink into a corner.

Mammon

OH MY DEVIL, SHE IS DEAD!

Mammon runs around the House of Lamentation crying and calling his brothers while yelling that you're dead.

All the demons drop everything and rush to your room. Lucifer checks on you while Satan hits Mammon upside the head for scaring them.

Once he learns that you're just sleeping, he calms down a bit but is still worried.

Mammon waits for you to wake up next to your bed. He doesn't even leave the room to sleep or eat. Beel has to bring him food half-eaten food.

When you wake up, he greets you with a bone-crushing hug and tears in his eyes. Then he asks if you're okay and what happened. He adds that he was afraid that he lost you.

If you choose to tell him the truth, he will be upset at himself for letting this happen to you. Mammon will promise that he will not cause you any trouble.

He doesn't tell you this, but Mammon got into a habit of watching you sleep. So sometimes, at night, he sneaks into your room and sleeps there.

Levi

NO NO NO NO NO!!! This can't be happening!

Levi starts panicking, then freezes, then starts panicking again. Blood is rushing to his mind, and he feels dizzy.

Did I do something to hurt her? Did someone else hurt her? Did I keep her up too late? Maybe I shouldn’t have forced her to watch me play video games the entire night!

Levi sits against your bedframe with his knees to his chest, holding his head in his hands.

Only when his brothers come to check on you does he learn that you are just sleeping.

When you wake up, Levi is restlessly pacing around the room. As soon as he sees you awake, he nearly throws his arms around you but then blushes and backs away.

"Normie, can't you take care of yourself? You had all of us worried."

No matter how much he pressures you to tell him the reason behind your tiredness, please don’t say a word. Levi will not be able to handle the truth, so spare the poor demon.

Asmo

Oh no! My lovely sweetie is not waking up!

Asmo is truly worried about your health. Your skin will be well-rested, but not washing cleaning your skin will cause issues.

You will no longer be tired, but your muscles will stiffen. You need to eat to survive, so not eating is going to be an issue.

Asmo already feels wrinkles appearing on his skin from worrying so much. He asks Solomon for help, much to Lucifer's dismay.

When you wake up, Asmo immediately apologizes to you and tells you that you need to take better care of yourself.

"If you don't care for yourself, then you won't be able to care for us!"

Asmo becomes your partner in crime from then on. Whenever his brothers cause issues, he tries to help you, so that you don't take on too much stress.

Satan

WHY ISN'T SHE WAKING UP? WHOSE NECK DO I NEED TO SNAP!?

His rage gets to him, and Satan nearly wipes out half of Devildom. Thankfully, Lucifer, Beel, and Diavolo are about to stop him.

While the eldest brother searches for answers, Satan stays in your room and looks at you.

A thought crosses his mind...will a true loves kiss wake her up? Humans and angels are going to school in hell, so it's not a farfetched idea, right?

Wrong.

He kisses you, but you continue to sleep. Satan has never felt this embarrassed in his life.

"I need to stop reading romantic novels."

He is thankful that none of his brothers are there to witness this moment; otherwise, they won't let him live it down.

Satan patiently waits for you to wake up, and when you do, he can't look in the eyes. One thought keeps racing in his mind: what if she finds out I kissed her while she was asleep?

Beel

When Beel hears that you have not woken up for a whole day, he runs into your room and flings open the door so hard that it rips from the hinges.

He tries to wake you up by shaking you, hugging you, asking you to wake up, and even offering you your favorite food.

Beel gets so worried that he binge eats more than usual. He even eats inedible objects.

When you open your eyes, you see Satan sitting on the edge of your bed. He tells you to hurry and get ready.

"Beel has been eating so much that all the grocery stores in Devildom are out of food. Now, he is trying...no...I am sure he has already started eating Diavolo's castle. Only you can stop him."

Belphie

She's not waking up? Great, I have a nap partner!

Belphie takes this chance to nap with you every day. He is worried about you, but what better way to watch over you than sleeping by your side?

Belphie learns from Beel that the brothers are the reason for your condition. He makes up his mind that he's going to force you to nap with him daily. That way you can at least get some rest, and he can use that as an excuse to spend more alone time with you.

His brothers ask him to leave you alone, but Belphie doesn't listen to them. He doesn't want to miss this chance to snuggle with you.

When you wake up, you see Belphie's face in front of you. He is fast asleep with his arms wrapped around your waist.

Diavolo

She hasn't woken up in days? YOU TELL ME THIS NOW?

Diavolo drops everything and visits you. After seeing your exhausted face, he asks Barbatos to cancel all his meetings and appointments.

The King of Demons carries you back to the castle and asks the best doctors to attend to you. On the side, he also asks Barbatos to look into the situation.

When the demon butler informs him about the reason, Diavolo isn't sure how to react. He is angry, but he doesn't want to point fingers without getting your perspective first. So, he holds back on taking action until you wake up.

When you open your eyes, you see Diavolo's large form cuddling with you. He looks like an angel a puppy while sleeping.

Diavolo mumbles something in his sleep. Something along the lines of “(Y/N), wake up soon...I love you".

Barbatos

Oh dear, I was hoping this would not happen.

When you last visited Diavolo's castle, Barbatos noticed that you were exhausted. He even asked if you were alright, but you brushed his concerns aside.

It didn't take him long to learn the reason behind your fatigue, and the demon butler was unhappy, to say the least.

After getting permission from Diav, Barbatos shifts you to the castle.

Once you are settled in the castle, the butler sends the brothers a basket of their favorite foods along with a note saying to take care of themselves.

The brothers are delighted to eat their favorites, but their excitement diminishes as soon as they put the first bite into their mouths.

The flavors of the food are completely opposite; Asmo's wicked cupcake is super spicy; Mammon's spicy noodles are sickeningly sweet; Belphie's sushi has nothing but wasabi...

While the brothers are shell-shocked, Barbatos watches them through a window with a smile.

“This is just the beginning.” He chuckles before heading back to the castle to tend to you.

Simeon

I should have stopped her from pushing herself too hard.

Immediately comes to see you when Asmo tells him that you haven't woken up in two days.

You told him that you were tired and hinted that your fatigue was a result of helping the brothers and worrying about them. So why didn't he stop you?

Simeon feels immensely guilty for not catching your hint.

He asks Lucifer if he can take you to Purgatory Hall. When the demon agrees, Simeon decides to tell Lucifer the truth.

By no means does Simeon blame the demons, but he asks Lucifer to give you a break.

When you wake up, you see Simeon sitting on a chair next to your bed. His head resting on your bed, and his hand gently holding onto yours.

Luke enters the room and is happy to see you awake. He tells you that Simeon hasn't slept in the past few days as the angel was too worried about you.

Luke

SEE DEMONS ARE BAD!

Luke is upset with the brothers and blames them for your condition. Simeon has to hold him back.

The young angel tells the demons that you're much safer in Purgatory Hall, so henceforth, you will be staying with them.

Luke asks Simeon to carry you back to their dorm. When the brothers protest, the angel says demons are not to be trusted.

When you wake up, you see Luke sitting next to you, watching you with sad puppy eyes.

The angel immediately throws his arms around you and says, you're in a safe place now. He also promises that neither he nor Simeon will cause you any problems.

Luke asks if you are hungry and hands you a plate of your favorite sweets.

Solomon

Solomon is shocked and considers using a potion to wake you up. But when he sees you resting well, he reconsiders.

As a punishment for the troubles they caused you, Solomon comes to visit you every day and causes a few mishaps here and there.

He also makes sure to irk some of the brothers Lucifer in the process.

If Lucifer asks him to leave, Solomon taunts him by saying someone has to care for you since you're too busy sorting out OTHER people's problems.

When you wake up, your entire room is filled with firefly-like orbs and your favorite flowers.

Solomon greets you and gently strokes your hair before kissing your head. He immediately asks if you want to consider moving to his dorm.

———————————————

➣Obey Me Masterlist ➣ Buy me a Ko-fi or Commission?

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helliontherapscallion · 3 years

Text

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Tuesday

Monday Wednesday Thursday (Part 1) Thursday (Part 2) Friday Saturday Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: anxiety, doctor’s offices, taking pain pills (not sure if I need to tag that, but just in case), stalkers, blackmail, swearing, non-consensual taking pics of nudes, slight body dysmorphia, self-loathing, toxic friends

Word count: 5,326

(A/N): another long chapter, my little wlw heart loved writing this chapter! Also holy shit I was not expecting the first part to blow up, thank you to everyone that read it! Gosh, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry :’)

You cracked open your crusty eyes to Wilbur poking his head into your room. “(Y/n), Dad wants you.”

You groaned rubbing at your eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of them. “I’ll be down in a sec.” Your voice was scratchy and thick with sleep.

He closed the door silently and you heard his socked feet thumping down the hallway. Your pain faded slightly into soreness, but your shoulders and upper back were slightly stiff. After you drug yourself out of bed, you shambled down the stairs to see your family at the table eating breakfast. Your stomach growled loudly, making you blush slightly in embarrassment.

Your eldest brother snorted. “Hungry (y/n)?”

You slumped into your seat next to him slowly shoveling food into your mouth. “You have no idea.”

“You wouldn’t be that hungry if you ate dinner when you got home like I told you to do last night, young lady. You better eat every single thing on that plate.”

There was no arguing with a stern Dadza, so you reluctantly complied. Meanwhile, Tommy and Tubbo were telling Wilbur about your match animatedly.

“And the ball was like fwoosh and she- the ball and-and-”

“And she hit it and Haley hit it to the other side! It was so cool!”

Wilbur merely smiled listening to them ramble about how badass you were last night. They made you feel genuinely happy that they admired your volleyball abilities; they were probably your biggest fans and that made your day most of the time. You remembered the first match they came to during your freshman year, they had run up to you right after the end-of-match whistle blew to spew about how good you were on the court. They met the team that day. Your team adored having them at your games, over the years they slowly replaced your school’s mascot. They played a huge part in morale boosts before and during matches.

He looked over to you, “I didn’t know my little sister could be so badass.”

You felt your cheeks flare up. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before. It really wasn’t anything special.”

“(Y/n),” Philza pursed his lips, “you did all that with a bruised back, I’d consider that something special.”

“Wait (y/n), you’re hurt?” Tommy and Tubbo looked at you with wide concerned eyes.

“Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I can still move and stuff.”

Techno rolled his eyes, “it’s bad if you’re going to the doctor for it.”

“Eh, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did yesterday, so I’m not worried.”

“You’re deadass wincing everytime you move your arm,” WIlbur deadpanned, “it clearly still hurts.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t say the pain went away completely. Fuckin’ dumbass.”

“Language,” Philza glared at you two, gesturing to the two fifth graders watching the exchange with interest.

You and Wilbur resumed eating and murmured out a defeated “sorry Dad.” You both glared at Techno when he huffed in amusement.

“If you three keep bickering, you’re going to be late to school. Remember, you two have to drop off Tommy and Tubbo today cuz I’m taking your sister to her appointment. Now go get ready, I’ll take care of your dishes.”

Your brothers took off up the stairs, each competing to get to the bathroom first. Occasionally, you would hear shouts and slapping noises. You felt glad you didn’t have to deal with that today. Judging by Techno’s gruff voice laughing and an explosion of loud complaints from the rest, you assumed that he won today. “I swear, they’re gonna put me in an early grave.”

“You and me both Dad, you and me both.”

You went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of pain pills from the junk drawer. Various bottles of Motrin and Advil were scattered around the house because when you live with a rambunctious family like this one, people are bound to get hurt and headaches are common. Popping three into your mouth, you washed it down with a glass of water. The sound of the running water faucet and the slight splashing of water filled the silence of the room.

“How’s your back? Does it feel any better?”

“Kinda, today it just feels more sore than throbbing, my headache went away mostly, and my shoulder doesn’t feel any worse, so that’s better I guess.”

He shut off the water and reached for a towel to dry off his wet hands. He moved over to the freezer and grabbed a frozen package of peas that your family never ate. You all used it whenever one of you would get a bruise. He moved behind you and held it against your back without warning. Flinching forward from the unexpected temperature change, you winced with the wave of pain moving brought you.

“Shit, sorry.”

“You’re good. Just give me a little warning next time,” you chuckled. He gently placed it back on your back and you sighed from the slight relief that it brought you. You leaned into the peas and closed your eyes. “That feels amazing.”

“I bet. That bruise was pretty bad yesterday, can I look at it again?”

You reluctantly left the sanctuary that was the medical grade frozen peas and leaned forward, moving your hair out of the way for him. “Knock yourself out.”

He made a hissing noise as soon as he moved your shirt out of the way. “Dad, it probably looks worse than it feels.”

“...Have you seriously not looked at this yet? It looks pretty bad, hun.”

“Well, sorry I can’t move to look at my back without being in pain. I’ll try harder next time.” You snarked him.

“Hey, watch the attitude. Here, I’ll take a picture so you can see how bad it is.”

You heard the rustling of fabric as he fished his phone out of his pocket and the obnoxiously loud click of his camera app. You turned around to look at the damage. You squinted at his bright phone screen. Your entire back was swollen in some areas and was covered in ugly reds, blues, blacks, and purples. You made a disgusted noise in the back of your throat and cringed away from the screen. You always got nauseous seeing injuries.

“Yikes.”

“Yikes isn’t the only word I would use, it’s bad (y/n).”

“It looks worse than it feels, I promise. I’m gonna go get ready so we’re not late to my appointment. It sounds like the boys are finally done with the bathroom.”

You hobbled up the stairs slowly and made your way to the bathroom. The door was wide open ready for you to use. Turning on the light, you closed the door in a hurry so that your brothers wouldn’t try to get in again to hog the bathroom like they usually did. You frowned at your appearance. Your hair was sticking up in every direction and you had dark eye bags around your dull looking eyes. A few pimples dotted your skin like constellations in the night sky, but much uglier and more out of place. Turning your body, you scanned your figure. Your eyes watered as you realized that you had gained some weight. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were right, you looked like garbage all the time.

You ripped your eyes away from yourself in the mirror with disgust etched deep into your features. You were disgusting through and through. Ripping your brush through your hair, you winced at the pain emanating from the back of your head. You deserve the pain for letting yourself go. Once you were slightly more satisfied with your appearance, you stepped out of the bathroom and quickly changed into the clothes you would wear today. You decided on a hoodie and a pair of tights. You didn’t feel like dressing yourself up.

You once again walked down the stairs and slipped on your shoes to meet your dad in his car. You idly scrolled through your phone while you waited for him, looking at your notifications for the first time that day. You had ten texts from the group chat that you were in with Adrian, Annie, and Sammy.

Sammy <3

(Y/n) where the hell are you?

Adrian <3

Do you guys think she ditched us?

I knew she was ignoring us

Sammy <3

Who ignores their friends?

Annie <3

(Y/n) apparently.

She has more important things to do ig

Oh my god

Do you guys think she skipped school?

Adrian <3

I wouldn’t put it past her

Maybe she finally gave up

(Y/n)

I’m sorry guys, I just have a doctor’s appointment today

I would never ignore you

Sammy <3

Yk, it’s hard to keep defending you when you keep ditching us..

(Y/n)

I’m not ditching you!

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys about my appointment

I’ll make it up to you guys

Adrian <3

How?

You’ve already skipped out on us enough already

Annie <3

Oh ik!

She can write our final research paper for us Dri!

I haven’t started it yet lmao

Adrian <3

Saaaame lmaoooo

Sammy <3

Guys, what about me???

Adrian <3

Idk, figure it out yourself

Sammy <3

Rude!

Uhhh

Ur gonna put together my final presentation for us history

(Y/n)

Alright, I can do that for you guys

Sam can you pls send me the rubric?

Annie <3

Thanks love ;)

(Y/n)

No problem, I like doing things for friends

My dad’s coming, I gotta go

Talk to you guys later

Adrian <3

Byeeee (y/n), ur the best!

(Y/n)

: ) <3

You put your phone down as your dad started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. The drive was quiet as you stared out the window and thought about how much work you now had to do. On top of your own classes, you had two more to write and a presentation to make in a class you hadn’t taken since the first semester in your sophomore year. The research papers had to be at least four full pages long with a minimum of ten sources each due on Friday and you had no idea how big Sammy’s US history presentation has to be or what it’s even about. But that was fine, you’d do anything for your friends.

“So, who were you texting? Your boyfriend?” He asked jokingly.

“Oh, just Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. I don’t have a boyfriend Dad,” because you were a closeted lesbian, but you wouldn’t tell him that anytime soon. “You know that.”

“I know,” he chuckled, “it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. How have they been?”

“They’re good. Adrian got a job at the diner, he’s a host. Sammy and Annie have been focusing more on raising their grades.”

“Good for them! You should invite them over for dinner sometime.”

“I was actually thinking that I could maybe go hang out with them on Halloween...?”

“(Y/n), the family was going to take Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating.”

“I know, but there’s always next year. Plus, we haven’t been able to hang out in so long! We’re always free at different times.”

“I don’t know (y/n), what if they don’t want to trick-or-treat next year? What were you planning on doing with them?”

“We were just gonna hang out at Annie’s house and watch some horror movies,” you lied. He would never let you go if he knew you were going to a party. Especially one where alcohol would be involved and hormonal teenage boys ran rampant actively scouting for an easy lay.

“...I’ll think about it.” The car pulled into the doctor office’s parking lot.

“Thank you Dad! It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together.”

He chuckled as you both walked into the lobby, checked in, and waited for your name to be called. About ten minutes later, you were summoned by a nurse so you went into the back leaving your dad to wait in the lobby. The nurse recorded your height and weight (much to your dismay, you gained four pounds) and asked you the standard questions about your injury and uncomfortable questions about your overall health. The clacking of her acrylic nails on the plastic keyboard filled the awkward silence.

Once that was done, she left and you had to wait a little bit for the doctor. After slipping into the backless gown the nurse left, you mindlessly scrolled on your phone. Jumping when someone knocked on the door, you looked up to see your family’s doctor smiling at you.

“Hello (y/n), how are we feeling today?”

“I’m alright.”

“I hear that you had quite the fall onto some concrete, is that true?”

“Yes, I landed on my back and the back of my head.”

She reached over and squirted hand sanitizer onto her hands, rubbing it in and looking back at you. “Can you please lay on your stomach so I can take a look at your back?”

You nodded, shifting on the uncomfortable paper covered cushioned table onto your stomach. You felt her cold hands gently graze your bruises before she pulled out her stethoscope. “Can you take a good deep breath in for me?”

You complied and she instructed you to let it out. Doing this multiple times along your back, she put her stethoscope away and continued prodding at your exposed back.

“There’s definitely some swelling in multiple areas… It doesn’t feel or sound like you cracked or broke any ribs, which is excellent… Do you have any pain deep in your shoulder when you move it?”

“Yes, I landed on it wrong last night at my volleyball match.”

“How would you describe your pain? Stabbing, sore, throbbing…”

“More sore, but a little stabbing pain when I move my arm.”

She moved her fingers to examine your shoulder. “It doesn’t sound like a sprain or fracture, can you move it up and down for me?”

You moved your arm up and down, front and back, and side to side. “You still have a full range of movement, that’s good. Can I have you sit back up again?”

You sat back up and she started testing you for a concussion. After passing her tests, you were cleared of having a concussion. “Alright (y/n), it appears that you only strained your deltoid and teres muscles and you have severe bruising along your back. Make sure you ice your back and, if you have one, wear a shoulder compression sleeve. Anti-inflammatory medications such as Ibuprofen will help with the swelling. Other than that, you have a clean bill of health! You can still participate in volleyball practices, but you need to take it easy. Don’t do anything that will strain the muscles any further.”

“Thank you Dr. Samson,” you smiled at her.

“You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to change back into your clothes and you’re free to go! You may leave the gown on the table.”

She left the room and you redressed yourself. Walking out to the lobby, Philza’s head perked up when he heard the door opening. He stood up and walked over to you with a slightly worried face. You both walked back out to the car.

“So?”

“Dr. Samson said that I don’t have a concussion, sprains or broken bones. She told me that I just strained my shoulder muscles and I need to keep ice on my back.”

He visibly slumped in relief. “Thank god. What’d she say about volleyball?”

“She said that I could keep playing, but I have to take it easy.”

“Good, wouldn’t want you missing finals on Thursday. Do you know if the team you’re playing is any good?”

“Dad, of course they’re good, we’re the top two teams in the area.”

“I bet their setter is nowhere near as good as you are and I bet the setter and spiker aren’t as synced as you and Haley are. You two make a good pair.”

“Yeah we do, don’t we?” You looked out the window and smiled a little and felt your ears turn red. The very mention of Haley’s name was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The car fell silent again as you neared your high school.

In your AP world history class, the class was looking at the test you had taken yesterday. Surprisingly, you got a 74% on the multiple choice part and a 50% on your essay portion, so that landed you with a just below passing grade. You thought you completely flunked that test yesterday, so that was a pleasant surprise. It took a good portion out of your overall grade in the class, lowering it from a comfortable A- to a slightly alarming B. You supposed it could’ve been a lot worse. Besides reviewing your tests, the class didn’t do much except starting the reading for the next chapter.

Your psychology online class went like it usually did, however your phone blew up with texts about midway through the block. Glancing down, you saw that it was Haley. Shouldn’t she be in class?

Hales : )

(Y/n) meet me in the locker room right after school

I need to talk to you before practice starts

It’s an emergency

(Y/n)

What’s going on?

Hales : )

I’ll explain after school.

Can’t talk about it over text

(Y/n)

Alright, see ya then ig

You felt your gut twinge. Something’s wrong, but you didn’t know what. You were worried about Haley, usually she was really bubbly. You’ve never seen the senior act so strange before. You could only wait the block out until the bell would release you from the confines of the library and into the locker room. After sending a quick text to your brothers that you were going to stay after school for your practice, you stared blankly at your laptop’s clock as you counted down the minutes left in the class period. Ten minutes. Eight minutes. Four minutes. Two minutes. Thirty seconds-

You shot up from your seat as the bell rang. Pushing past some groups of freshmen that congregated in the hallways, you made a beeline for the locker room. In the locker room, you found Haley sitting on the metal bench on the opposite end of the locker room with her back facing the last row of lockers and facing the brick wall. She was clenching her phone in her hand with an iron grip. You hurried to sit next to her.

“Hales, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“It’s bad (y/n). Like, really bad.”

“What’s bad? You’re worrying me.”

Wordlessly, she unlocked her phone and handed it to you. On the screen was something that you weren’t expecting to see. You scrolled through the contents and felt your stomach drop with each scroll; someone took pictures of you and Haley throughout the match last night. Every picture was a violation to yours and Haley’s dignities, they had gotten zoomed in pictures of your boobs and asses. Deeper, there were even pictures taken of you changing into your volleyball uniform through your open window. You were only in your underwear. Haley had a similar picture that you scrolled past as fast as you could. Scrolling to the bottom of the text message thread, the person that sent Haley the pictures added a caption to the last picture. It was a picture of you and Haley together celebrating your match, her arm slung around your shoulder with your mouth open mid-laugh.

Unknown

I’m sending these out to the entire school unless you stop hanging around her.

If you tell anyone, the pics will be printed off and put in every single locker and bathroom the school has.

You’ll be the sluts of Klinkver High.

Cut all ties now. You have two days.

Do not try me.

“Jesus christ Haley. Who the fuck would do this? This is sick.”

She took her phone back and locked it without looking at the screen. “I don’t know (y/n). I wanted to tell you not to openly talk to me for a few days. We don’t know who took these, we don’t know what they’re capable of. I don’t wanna risk angering them.”

“We can find them! If we look close enough, we might find a few clues where they were sitting. Do you remember seeing anything suspicious last night?”

“(Y/n), our best option is to leave it. We just can’t talk in person anymore; we can still text each other.”

“Hales, how are we gonna not talk? I’m your setter.”

She ran a hand through her thick black hair. “I don’t know (y/n). Just-just don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t want your pictures leaked.”

“I don’t care about my pictures. My name’s been drug through so much shit this past year that it won’t affect me. I don’t want your stuff leaked.”

She gave a watery laugh, “you care too much, I love that about you…” Glistening eyes turned to look deep into your own. “I’m so scared (y/n), I don’t know what to do.”

You pulled her into a hug, wincing slightly when she squeezed her arms around your upper back. She buried her face into your shoulder and started shaking with muffled sobs. “Haley, I promise I’ll catch whatever sick bastard is doing this to you. You don’t deserve this.”

She said nothing as you rested your chin on the top of her head and started to rock her back and forth slowly. You two stayed like that even after her sobbing resided, finding comfort in each other’s presence. Glancing at the clock, you realized that you two have been in the locker room for an hour. Practice was set to start in fifteen minutes, people were going to start coming into the locker room soon.

You reluctantly pulled away from the hug and looked Haley in her bloodshot eyes, “I’m not going to let those pictures of you get leaked. I swear on my-”

The door to the locker room swung open and loud laughter echoed throughout the room. Haley pushed you away and speed walked off to a bathroom stall, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Damn (y/n), what’d you do? She’s pissed.”

“It’s none of your business, Zara.”

“Oh, so it’s a lover’s quarrel then~” She cackled, her hair bouncing slightly with each heave of her shoulders.

“For the love of… Haley and I aren’t dating, we’re both straight.” She’s straight.

“Mmhm.” She brushed past you to go to her locker. You followed her, your locker was in the grouping next to hers. You shared the area with Haley. You changed as fast as you could so that Haley would have time to change before practice starts. Speed walking into the gym, Zara was hot on your trail wearing a shit eating grin.

“Why are you in such a rush? Giving your girlfriend the silent treatment?”

“Zara. We aren’t dating. For the last time, we’re both heterosexual, not homosexual!” You wildly gestured with your hands to emphasize your point, your voice being amplified by the vast gym. Coach Williams gave you a confused look from across the gym.

“You just keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m serious.”

“Hi serious,” a soft voice replied from behind you, “I’m Jazzy.”

You groaned at the pun at the same time Zara started cackling, giving the short libero a high five. “Nice!”

“That was so bad, Jaz.” You couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto your face.

Zara poked your cheek with a wide grin. “C’mon, you’re smiling!”

“I am and I hate it.”

Your bickering continued with Jazzy watching you two with a content smile. The remaining members of the team (Haley, Marlene, and Zuri) filed into the gym right as Coach Williams blew her whistle.

Practice went by slowly without Haley talking to you. Sure, you had the rest of the team, but it didn’t feel the same with you guys ignoring each other. If the team or Coach Williams noticed you two not talking to each other, they didn’t say anything. By time practice was over, you all went to the locker room to change. After slipping into your fuzzy pajama pants, you sat on the bench and texted Wilbur to come pick you up. He was supposed to pick you up after practice today because he and Techno took the car home after school. Five minutes passed and he still didn’t reply. He probably won’t see the text until you got home from walking.

You sighed, resting your chin in your palm as you leaned forward. One by one, the girls left the locker room until it was only you and Haley left.

“Do you need a ride (y/n)?” She asked gently.

“But what if the person sees us together? I can just walk home, it’s not really a big deal.”

She rolled her eyes at you. “It is a big deal. It’s cold and dark out. You could get kidnapped or something. You don’t even have a coat with you. I’m giving you a ride whether you like it or not.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at her and stood up to walk next to her, “okay, mom.”

“Don’t give me that attitude young lady.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real mom!”

She gasped and lightly smacked the back of your shoulder, “I married your- are you alright? Shit, I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, you’re good. It’s just this damned bruise.”

She moved her hands and frantically turned you around to pull the neck of your shirt down. You two stood in front of the school’s main entrance with the nauseatingly bright fluorescent light bouncing off the reflective surface of the tiles. The orange tinted street lights lit up the sidewalk outside.

“(Y/n)-”

“I know what you’re gonna say.”

She scoffed, “oh really? What am I gonna say then, o wise one?”

You turned around to face her, “‘oh, this is bad, yadda yadda yadda.’ Everyone’s been saying that about it. Honestly it looks worse than it feels. Tis but a scratch, m’lady.”

She snorted and covered her mouth, “never call me ‘m’lady’ ever again.”

You started to walk to her car in the empty parking lot. “Or what? What’re ya gonna do?”

“I swear to god, (y/n), I’m gonna leave you here.”

“Do it, pussy. Bet you won’t.”

“You really wanna bet?”

You grinned at her, “hell yeah.”

She broke off into a mad dash to her car, laughing freely into the night sky. You chased after her trying not to move your arms much, your laugh mixing with hers like a perfect symphony composed of the world’s best musicians. The sound of your rubber soles slapping the pavement resonated throughout the parking lot as you quickly gained on her. Reaching out to grab her shirt, she smirked at you and sharply turned to the right into the grass.

You grinned as her pace slowed down slightly. You’d be able to catch her at this pace. You pushed your legs to move faster as she looked at you from over her shoulder and shrieked in surprise at how close you were to her. You cackled at her reaction, reaching out once again, you grabbed her hand. She was stopped dead in her tracks as your shoulder was yanked with the sudden momentum, making you hiss in slight pain. Despite that, you didn’t let go of her soft hand.

You both stood there under the moonlight and the soft orange street lamps trying to catch your breath. The slightly damp blades of grass tickled your ankle as you shifted to face her better. Through gasping breaths and a dopey grin, you said “you… lost, pussy.”

She let out a breathy laugh as she pulled you to her car. “Shuddup.”

“Make me~”

She opened the passenger side door for you and got into the driver's seat. Her car smelled like vanilla and citrus. “Oh, you will later when I make you do more sets in weight lifting tomorrow, hurt shoulder be damned.”

She turned on the ignition and the car revved to life, soft indie pop wafted from the speakers. She backed out of the parking space and sped off to the main road. “You wouldn’t…”

“I’m your captain, (y/n). I can make you do whatever I want.” You felt your cheeks heat up a tad. You were happy that she couldn’t see you.

“Naw, you’re too much of a softie for that. Admit it, I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger.”

She chuckled as she pulled into your driveway and put the car in park. “...Alright, maybe you do. Just a bit.”

She turned to look at you. She looked stunning with the shadows accentuating the contours of her face perfectly. You found yourself glancing at her lips and leaning slightly towards you. To your surprise, she started leaning into you as well. Before your lips could finally mesh together, she pulled back with a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. You felt a rush of disappointment and fear course through your veins. She didn’t like you like that, you should’ve known better. You were so stupid. So, so stu-

“I can’t (y/n). I want to kiss you so bad, but we can’t. Not yet at least. Not until we find the pervert that took those pictures of us.”

You sighed, “right.”

The car was filled with awkward silence. Not even the soft music streaming from the speakers could alleviate the awkwardness. God, you really screwed up your friendship, didn’t you? Sammy, Adrian, and Annie were right; you messed up everything you touched.

You coughed, “I think I’m gonna…”

“Yeah…”

You grabbed your bag and walked into your house, the smell of chicken slapping you in the face instantly. Without checking in with your dad, you hurried up the stairs, desperate for the warm comfort of your bed. That, and if you wanted to get Sammy’s presentation and Adrian’s, Annie’s, and your research papers done by Friday, you had to start as soon as you could. You were going to skip dinner for tonight, you’d just grab more breakfast tomorrow morning.

You plopped on your bed and got started on your research paper. Luckily, you already had all of the sources you were planning on using and the rough outline of each body paragraph, so writing the actual paper wasn’t going to take long. You worked until you heard a knock at your door.

“(Y/n),” Techno’s monotone voice called out, “dinner’s ready.”

“Tell Dad I’m not hungry. Practice’s got me beat, I’m going to bed soon.”

He grunted, “you know he’s not gonna like that right?”

You felt frustration start to swim circles around your chest, “Techno, just tell him that I’m not hungry right now. Please.”

“Damn, you don’t need to be like that. I’ll tell him.”

You heard his stomping footsteps thumping down the hall. Shit, you pissed him off. You were a terrible person, he was just trying to get you to eat something, Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you forced the panic that was starting to swirl around your body in laps deep into your being. You didn’t have time to deal with your failures and stupid emotions, you had to get this done. You didn’t have time to think about Haley’s warm breath ghosting across your lips. You didn’t have time to think about how she probably regretted almost kissing you. You didn’t have time to fall into an anxiety spiral, you needed to focus if you wanted Adrian, Annie, and Sammy to forgive you. You ruined yours and Haley’s friendship and did the same to yours and Techno’s. They were the only ones you had left. You needed to be a better friend.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added or if I missed you, it won’t let me tag some tumblrs :((( ):

@immadatmostthings @thaticecreambish @hee-hee-haw @dearnataliealoveletter @wasteofspacze @dcml04 @bbigbbrainn @dirtydiavolo @vanhakirja @rinzyx05 @misselsbells06 @ialexabsuniverse @im-a-depressed-gay @energy-drinkk @mothra-main @i-need-hugs @dragons-lurk-here @katj733 @m4r-s @vievi @dykeragee @waterstrawberry @aplaintart @kakamiissad @myunfinishedsymphony @nagitokinnieissad @autumnpleaves @justanothergirlwithdemons @zachariethememerie @moon-asia @m0on-blue @strawberrysodababy @akikko-yataro @haikkeiji @shiningsunrises @cinnamonmochi @queen-turtle-boiii @imanewsoul @sparkling-gayyyy @angelicaschuyler-church @vixenfoxpup @ella-ivanov @shio-yuki @mosstea-png @ijustshatbricks

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sugarmaplewings-fics · 3 years

Text

Helping Their S/O Recover From Surgery

Pairing: BNHA Boys x reader

Warnings: Reader is in the hospital (obviously), several mentions of food and eating, medication mention, that should be it

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Amajiki

A/N:

Wow, I actually completed a request in a timely fashion 😳

I hope this isn’t too terrible. My dad was disabled, so he had a lot of surgeries (maybe one every year or two). Ergo, I’ve had some experience being in hospitals, if not exactly in the position of the patient ヽ(；▽；)ノ It’s been some time tho, so idk, I might still be missing something.

Anyway, I hope you get well soon, @ure-a-sunflower! Thanks for the request, I’m really flattered that you think of me like this 😊 And never feel shy about sending me a hug! I love hugs :3

Enjoy!

-Sugar

═══════ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═══════

Midoriya:

● Midoriya is the type of guy who'll sit in the waiting room the entire time you're under

● He's a little worried about you, but he trusts that you'll make it through okay

● Trust me, he has plenty of experience being in hospitals (stop breaking ur bones >:()

● He'll be right at your bedside as soon as he's allowed to, whether you're awake or not

● As soon as you're awake and he's able to, he'll give you a nice hug (gently). He doesn't care if you're still in bed, he just wants to know you're okay

● He'll spend a lot of time with you while you recover, sitting in the chair by your bed

● Please please tell this boy it's okay for him to talk. He'll tell you everything he knows about heroes for hours and whether you care about what he's saying or not, it's totally worth it just to see the big smile on his face

● Either way, he'll talk to you almost the whole time. He's actually really fun to have a conversation with! You can talk to him about anything and he'll listen

● Will also play board games with you to pass the time, or any kind of small game he can find that you can both do on your bedside table

● He'll get you anything else you might want as well :)

● Once you're discharged, he'll stick around and help you out

● Again, if you need anything, he's got you

● Need someone to cook for you? If he can't do it himself, he'll ask his mom for help (pls, she cooks the best meals and she loves you so much)

● Will remind you to take your meds

● He'll take naps with you 🥺 He knows you're probably still tired out, so he's making sure you get plenty of rest

● Helps you with any wound care you might need, whether it's cleaning it or dressing it, he'll help out if you let him

● Just very much a sweet boi, 10/10 boyfriend

____________

Bakugou:

● He is very much concerned about you the whole time, he's just really good at hiding it

● As soon as he's allowed to visit you, he's there

● He'll come in quietly, scowling at the floor

● He has a bag with him that's got a container of food in it. He put a lot of effort into making it just for you, just the way you like, but it's likely he'll brush it off and claim it's leftovers

● Katsuki isn't exactly the best hospital buddy, but he'll try

● The thing is, he's not very talkative. He refuses to leave your room for too long, but he's more the type to just sit in the chair by the window (probably looking at his phone)

● You may think he's not paying you any attention, but he's spending time reading up on what condition you're in and how to make sure you recover properly

● He's there if you need him

●Will yell at the nurse / doctor if they're not taking care of you right

● Makes a comment at least once about how much he hates the smell (it's not you, it's the general hospital smell)

● Tries his best to cook for you as often as he can so you don't have to eat the hospital food there (might even give up trying to brush off how much he does for you)

● Gets you anything you need when you ask. As I said, he's not keen on leaving you in your room by yourself, but he won't say anything if you ask for something

● When it's time for you to go home, he'll just get even more clingy

● But not necessarily affectionate, oh no

● He was there when the doctor gave you guidelines for what to do during your recovery period, and he did his research

● You're not getting out of following it to the letter

● If you're supposed to stay in bed and rest, he'll make sure you're not getting up unless you absolutely have to. Also he'll do any kind of heavy lifting for you, just to be safe (and it’s totally not a bonus chance to lowkey show off how strong he is)

● If you need to incorporate more activity into your day, he'll be at your side. It's like a little date, taking a nice slow walk in the park

● He's also keeping tabs on how much water you're drinking. He always encourages you to drink plenty of water, but now he's even more on top of his game to remind you

● He'll also remind you to take your meds (aggressively but with love) :)

● And he'll drive you to your follow up visits with your doctor

● Bakugou will encourage you the best way he knows. He may come off harsh at times, but he just wants your healing process to go as smoothly as possible. He's not good with feelings and stuff, but this is how he shows you he cares

____________

Todoroki:

● Another sweet boi

● He knows what it's like to visit people in the hospital (ahem, his mom), so it wouldn't be too weird for him (not that it’s all that weird for any of them)

● He'd come and see you every day, and he'll bring you a little something each time, whether it's a snack, some flowers, a game or coloring book he thought you'd like, or even a little stuffed bear (or whatever your favorite animal is)

● His visits can be weirdly short though? Like, he doesn't know what to say, so he kind of just . . . leaves? Like wait come back

● He likes it when he can get you talking. He's not much of a talker himself, so it's easier if you can lead conversations

● But if you want him to, he will just keep you company in silence

● Master at staring off into space for long periods of time

● But every time he looks over at you, he gets this soft smile on his face and he's so cute

● He's trying his best

● He'll also help remind you of things when you're back home

● He's not the best at cooking, so he'll order you anything you want and eat it with you

● I'll state the obligatory "he provides that hot/cold treatment for any pain you might have" because he does and it works

● He'll go out with you to walk around, and just generally get you back into living your life

● Yeah, he's just really glad to see that you're healthy and he’s happy to help you out so your recovery is quick and easy

____________

Amajiki:

● Not gonna lie, he was a little nervous while you were having the surgery

● Not too bad, just some pacing around the waiting room, but he feels so much better once everything's over with

● Big on sitting next to your hospital bed and just holding your hand the whole time he's visiting

● Hates checking in every day (because ew, people, and also ew, walking through strange halls full of people and equipment and the lighting is funky and everything smells like hand sanitizer and—)

● But he does it for you, because you're the most important thing to him 🥺

● Oh, and he also gets really really quiet whenever the nurse comes in to check up on you and just kind of pretends like he doesn't exist for a moment while they do their thing

● He'll do something where he gets himself a boxed lunch or takeout and eat with you in your room at meal times

● Honestly though, he'll be happy when you're finally able to go back home

● He's a very sweet and doting boyfriend, and he'll make sure you're getting everything you need

● He'll do his best to help you readjust after everything, and he'll even stay by your side when you go for follow up appointments :]

● (His anxiety has that loophole where if you're ever anxious about doing something, he's able to take charge and help you out)

● Pls, I love him

═══════ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═══════

Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @basicalyrandom @hyunmin-1404 @kqtsukii @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @rainy-skys-and-bright-stars @sendhelpimstupid @xoxopam4

#midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #deku x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #tamaki x reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #request fulfilled!#sugar hcs #cw hospital #cw surgery

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apimpnamedlo · 3 years

Text

That’s just my Baby Daddy (headcanons)

warnings: fluff, a little angst, mentions of pregnancy

A/N: These are just little headcanons I thought up with @shisoaya 🥰 Thank you bby for keeping my head straight when it comes to these men.

Enjoy!

Eren

For starters, your first bundle of joy was conceived in the last year of your college careers.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t convince Eren that just because you were on the pill DID NOT mean that he could “shoot up the club” 😐

He probably got the message loud and clear when you passed him a positive pregnancy test.

He was probably really upset that you two didn’t have anything together, but you wanted to keep the baby and he respected your decision. Thankfully, this man had a reason to buckle down and start taking his studies seriously. By the time you graduated, he graduated with marks thats showed his effort. Please be proud of him 🥺 he did it for you and the baby!

Gets all of his teachings from Carla and unfortunately, has her and his dad on speed dial whenever you mention the slightest of things.

Mumbles to your stomach in the sweetest broken German, getting a head start on bonding with his baby. He’s really just so sweet 🥺

Wants to know the gender IMMEDIATELY. He’s at every appointment with high hopes.

Probably tears up at the little shoes he comes across, and will walk around the store with a matching pair for the three of you until you reluctantly agree to let him buy them.

You two have a perfectly healthy baby girl, and from that point on Eren has TWO apples of his eye.

Later on in life, Eren took time to make sure the both of you had another one just so that your oldest wasn’t lonely. Your second was a boy. Even then when your home wasn’t rowdy enough? The two of you sat down and discussed adoption. A few years after going through the process, you brought home your second sweet little boy.

He’s so proud to have completed such a loving family with you.

And all it took was him wanting a nut LOL-

LEVI

This man didn’t think about kids when the two of you got married. Honestly, he was probably waiting on you to take the first move when you were comfortable.

But when you asked him to start trying, who was he to say no?

It took time and preparation. Levi wasn’t producing a high enough cell count, and a baby seemed so far away. It seemed over time, the two of you tried everything.

When the light of having one looked a little too dim?

You called him at work with the big news. Finally you two were blessed with a baby.

You think your nesting was bad? Levi was horrible when it came to having the house spotless in the duration of your pregnancy.

Doesn’t want to know the gender until the baby is born. This man is more than excited to be surprised.

The both of you are all too familiar with the house smelling as sterile as a hospital.

Once, Hange came over just to hang out with him and before they could even sneeze? Levi was spraying the air with disinfectant 💀 and them-

Bright side? He’s going to spend so much time with your bump as possible, making sure the baby knew he loved him and that he’d be there for them always.

He’s a master at making soothing teas for your stomach or anything else that’s bothering you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took up giving you rub downs whenever you asked just to make sure you’re always happy.

And don’t mention the fridge full of whatever you were craving or things to make meals you asked for any time of the night.

Surprisingly enough, yours and Levi’s son was born on Christmas Day, the same as their father. Smooth, evenly scheduled process on his part, he really got things done aside from labor. It really was a miracle that day because out of the pictures you do have with the often stoic man, his smile of pride and joy made everything worth it.

ZEKE

Ever heard of the term one and done?

Zeke has. He wants a kid, but he’s just so busy.

He really makes sure to make sure to work on the two of you first, the first few years of marriage being blissful and full of nothing but communication.

Zeke probably would worry about making the same mistakes as his divorced parents, and that’s why he steadily worked through himself to prepare to give your child nothing but love and support.

Don’t worry. He’s building his fortune in the duration of his residency, and honestly all that’s left is to be able to swipe a card without checking his balance. After that?

He’s on you like white on rice.

Planned sex is definitely a thing with you two, carefully calculated to your fertile windows. This man is skipping work to make sure you two conceive, leaving meetings or family/friend outings without so much as a bye 👋🏾 You two have a baby to make

Before you got pregnant, he definitely tries his best to stop smoking cigarettes 🥺

He’d like to be surprised. Probably will invite your close friends and family to a gender reveal.

When you conceived, he probably already knew. This man studies the hell out of you. The slightest thing will bring his attention to you, and just like that he’s gonna know.

Knows how heavy the baby would get so definitely picks up your belly when you look like you need the relief 🥺 He’s such an observant daddy-

Like Eren, speaks German to your baby but his is much better and thicker in accent. Zeke will speak to your baby and compliment you while he’s at it. He can’t wait to teach them 🥰

“Your mother has to be a warrior to carry you.”

“Calm down, little one.”

BASEBALL. ONSIES. ALL OVER. This man is READY to play catch with his kid, no matter what.

Will argue with the doctors at your appointments. He just will. If he can’t attend, bet your ass he’s gonna chew someone out over FaceTime for even the slightest mistakes.

When your son is born, Zeke is definitely scared after all of his preparations. Would he be good enough? Could he keep his family together? Could he really be the doting father that his son needs?

When he looks into his eyes that are an exact copy of yours?

He’s sure he can.

JEAN

I don’t think you two were trying, but the pregnancy was surely a welcomed surprise.

He’s a mama’s boy, so be prepared to be catered to every second of the day.

Still is gonna complain tho, with the stupidest smile on his face.

Wants another and THIS ONE ISNT DONE BAKING YET-

Honestly, I think Jean would want to know the gender immediately because he’s a little too excited for a baby. And he’s so happy to be having a little girl 🥺

The two of you are probably going to butt heads on names a lot. The two of you have a list of names that are stubbornly crossed out, and you only get two options until one is left standing you agree on.

Is probably plotting out the cutest little outfits with his mom, who’s making sure her son is taking GOOD care of you.

You definitely are going to eat probably the best with him during the pregnancy.

I don’t make the rules, this man’s daughter has him wrapped around his finger when she’s born.

The both of you are neck and neck when it comes to checking her 24/7 the first year of her life. Cant be too careful, right?

ARMIN

Definitely wants kids.

Would be another planned pregnancy, but the surprise came in the form of two sets of feet.

That’s right 🥺 He’d be the proud father of ✨identical ✨twins.

Armin is so gentle through the entire pregnancy. He’s always studying how to best care for them, quietly prepping your home while you rest to house your growing family.

He’s the one to remind you to take your vitamins daily.

You’d be so cherished 🥺 The bby is becoming a father, and he’s gonna be emotional about it. Not out of fear, but the pride and joy just well up sometimes, ya know?

Wants the gender to be a surprise for a gender reveal he planned 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I wanna have a baby for him too-

Has an app on his phone telling him how big your baby is, what they’re the size of, etc.

Slow dancing in the delivery room? I’ve got to say, Armin wouldn’t be scared to get in there and help you through the entire process. He’s probably the most hands on.

When the twins are born, Armin takes sweet time in learning his sons and the littlest things about them. He knows them by how they sneeze, the look of their little toes and the thick mess of hair that looked like a mixture between the two of you

10000/10 would make this man a daddy.

#attack on titan imagines #attack on titan imagine #attack on titan #eren yeager #levi ackerman #armin arlet #jean kirstein #zeke yeager #eren jaeger #zeke jaeger #attack on titan headcanons #shingeki no kyoujin imagine #aot headcanons #snk headcanons #aot imagine #snk imagine #pregnancy #pregnant

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ghosthunterbuck · 3 years

Text

like it means something

buddie (2.8k) (read it on ao3)

Evan. His own name won’t stop rattling around in his head. Evan.

He brings Eddie home from the hospital and everything’s - not okay, Eddie still got hurt and Buck still had to watch it and Bobby’s still hurt too, but - they’re getting there. No one died, and that’s a hell of a lot better than it could’ve been. No one died.

Evan.

Eddie kisses Chris’s forehead and Buck grins wide, because yeah, of course he would take care of him if the worst happened, but this is what Christopher deserves. His family, alive and whole and well.

Taylor’s there. Of course she is, Buck’s mind supplies, you asked her to be. She’s your friend. More than a friend? Buck doesn’t know. There’s a lot to unpack there, and with everything else that’s happened, they haven’t had the time. It’s a conversation for another day.

Abuela, Pepa and Carla each take their turn fussing over Eddie and then, to Buck’s surprise, him too. He doesn’t understand why. Eddie got shot, not him. Eddie’s the one who hasn’t been home in a week, not him. Eddie -

Evan.

Buck’s at a loss. It’s a party of sorts, but Eddie’s exhausted and so is he. Buck feels completely wrung out, and he can see the tension in Eddie’s expression that says he does too. He wants to tell everyone else to leave, but it isn’t his place. Still, though, Taylor seems to get the hint first. She pulls him aside with a gentle hand to his shoulder.

“I’m going to head out. Is there anything you need?” she asks.

Buck shakes his head mutely.

“Just... get some rest, okay? I know you want to take care of him, but you’re not the only one who can.” She presses a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, then heads over to where Eddie and Ana are seated at the dining room table to make her excuses.

Taylor is half right and half wrong. There are other people that can take care of Eddie, but Buck won’t be able to rest unless he’s nearby.

Evan.

Abuela and Pepa leave next, citing the sinking sun and the growing weariness in Eddie’s movements. They each kiss him on the cheek and go with the promise to return in the morning. Abuela’s left behind enough food to feed an army for a week, stacked in the fridge in carefully labeled Tupperware.

Then Carla goes and it’s just Eddie, Ana, Buck and Chris.

Evan.

Buck should probably go, he knows, but he can’t quite bring himself to. He knows Eddie’s okay, has the living proof sitting right in front of him, but the second he looks away all the tension of the week returns, the fear and anxiety mixing sickeningly in his stomach.

Christopher has fallen asleep in Eddie’s lap, head tucked into his good shoulder. Eddie himself is fighting yawns. It’s been a long day.

Finally, it’s Ana who breaks the silence, standing and pressing a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “Get some rest,” she says. “And text me if you need anything.”

It’s virtually the same thing Taylor said to him, and it strikes Buck as odd. They’ve been together, what, six months now? She should be saying more. Maybe she’s not because he’s here. Buck still can’t bring himself to leave.

Evan.

Neither of them has moved in the minutes since Ana left, but Eddie’s eyes are starting to drift and Buck knows he needs to sleep.

“Let me take Chris,” he says softly.

The grateful nod Eddie gives him is a testament to just how tired he really is.

Buck picks him up carefully and carries him to bed. He tucks him in and presses a kiss into his forehead. Once upon a time, he might’ve wondered if that was his place. Not now, though, not after everything Eddie said. He loves this kid like his own; he’s not going to pretend it’s anything less.

Evan.

He flicks the light out and makes sure Chris’s night light is on before gently shutting the door. Wordlessly, he returns to Eddie’s side.

There’s a grimace of pain on Eddie’s face that hadn’t been there before, and a quick glance at the clock tells Buck that he’s way past due for another round of medication. He grabs the pills and a bottle of water from the kitchen.

“The doctor said I can give you ibuprofen, too, if this isn’t enough.”

Eddie shakes his head minutely. “No, this is okay.” He swallows the pills Buck offers him dry, then washes them down with a swig of water.

“You need to sleep,” Buck says. “I should-“

“Stay, please?” Eddie interrupts him.

And how could Buck say no to that?

Evan.

Buck’s barely asleep when he hears Eddie cry out. He’s on his feet in a second and by Eddie’s side in less.

Eddie’s asleep still, but his face is scrunched and he’s curled in on himself like he’s trying to make himself smaller. Buck places a hand on his leg and shakes him gently.

Eddie shoots up, hissing in pain and clutching his shoulder. His eyes dart wildly around the room, unseeing.

“Hey, hey, just a dream, you’re okay,” Buck says.

Eddie’s eyes are wide with fear as they meet Buck’s. He sucks in a ragged, shuddering breath, then sags.

“I- you. You were- fuck,” Eddie stutters, scrubbing a hand across his face.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Buck repeats. He pulls Eddie to his chest. “You’re okay.”

Buck rocks them back and forth gently as his shirt slowly grows wet with Eddie’s tears.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Eddie gasps against him. Buck just holds him tighter.

“Don’t be,” he murmurs, “I’ve got you.”

Eventually, Eddie pulls back, wiping his eyes with his good hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asks after a moment.

Eddie shakes his head but begins to speak anyway. “It was- I saw you, covered in blood and I couldn’t... couldn’t move, or, or help you. And- and then you were coughing up blood, just like at the party, and I tried, Buck I tried but it was like I was stuck in quicksand and I couldn’t-“ Eddie’s breathing has gone ragged again, so Buck grabs his hand.

“Me?” he can’t help but ask.

“Evan,” Eddie says, so tenderly it hurts.

Evan.

They fall asleep curled together, Eddie’s hand resting over Buck’s heart. It’s the first decent sleep Buck’s had since the shooting.

They don’t talk about it the next day, mostly because Buck doesn’t know what to say. He suspects Eddie doesn’t either.

Instead, much to Christopher’s delight, Buck makes pancakes. The three of them eat together on the couch, watching some cartoon that Chris seems interested in and Buck’s never seen before. It’s so painfully normal. Buck was terrified he’d never get to have this again, and now that he does he can’t shake the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop.

Evan.

That night, Eddie wordlessly pulls Buck into his bedroom. They lay facing each other in the dark. Buck wants nothing more than to bridge the gap between them, but it might as well be the Grand Canyon.

There’s not much light in the room, just the ambient glow of the city filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. It’s enough to see Eddie’s face by, but it doesn’t help Buck read his inscrutable expression. He eventually gives up trying and closes his eyes.

He’s stiff, and sleep evades him. If Eddie’s shifting is any indication, he’s still awake too. Finally, Eddie heaves a sigh and, to Buck’s surprise, wraps a hand around Buck’s wrist and pulls. Buck opens his eyes and sees the silent question in Eddie’s.

Is this okay?

Buck presses himself into Eddie’s space without hesitation.

Evan.

Eddie has a doctor’s appointment the next day, and Buck’s agreed to meet Taylor for coffee after dropping him off. Carla’s with Chris for the day, to help him with school, leaving Buck with a free hour on his hands for the first time in over a week.

His stomach has been in knots all morning. He’s not sure if it’s the prospect of letting Eddie out of his sight for the first time since he’s been home, or the conversation he knows he’s about to have with Taylor.

Because he’s thought about it, and the idea of being with Taylor… he’s kidding himself. Before, maybe. But now, after, with the mess of feelings he has twisting in his chest - he’s not in a place to start something new. He’s not even sure he wants it - her - anymore. Taylor’s great, but she could never fill the hole that was punched in his chest by the same bullet that tore through Eddie’s shoulder.

He’s starting to wonder if he’ll spend the rest of his life dividing things into before and after.

Taylor’s already seated when he arrives, fingers wrapped around a cardboard coffee cup that’s still steaming. Buck almost expected to change his mind when he saw her, to suddenly remember why he was interested in the first place, but mostly he’s just anxious to get back to Eddie. He doesn’t even really feel the old curl of attraction he’s used to. He sits in front of her, suppressing a sigh.

Taylor looks up at him, wearing an expression he can’t quite decipher. “Buck,” she says.

Evan.

“Hey, Taylor.”

“You don’t want coffee?” She asks, inclining her cup towards him.

Buck shakes his head. “Had some this morning,” he shrugs. “Don’t want to get jittery.”

Taylor frowns slightly, but doesn’t say anything.

They sit in awkward silence for what feels like an eternity before Buck finally breaks it.

“Look, Taylor,” he sighs. “There’s a lot going on right now, and I just… whatever this thing is between us, I’m not sure I have the space to figure it out. You deserve someone who’s all in, and I just can’t be right now.”

Taylor blows out a breath. “Oh thank god,” she says.

And that’s… unexpected. Buck raises a brow.

“You’re my friend, and I care so much about you, but I- I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do with it, so I told myself it was something else.” Taylor doesn’t look him in the eye. “All this earnestness is making me nauseous,” she jokes weakly.

Buck huffs out a short laugh. The tightly wound anxiety in his gut loosens, just a bit. “Friends, then?”

Taylor finally looks at him and smiles. “Friends,” she agrees.

“How was coffee?” Eddie asks. He’s looked vaguely constipated since Buck picked him up, but insists that his appointment went fine.

“Good,” Buck replies honestly. “We’re on the same page.” He’s driving, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees Eddie’s face do something complicated.

“Good,” he says. “That’s good.” There’s a beat of silence. “So you’re… together, then?”

Buck glances at Eddie, whose eyes are fixed on the road ahead of them. His expression is carefully neutral, but tight around the edges. Buck huffs a soft breath. “Nah,” he says. “End of the day it wasn’t what either of us wanted.”

Some of the tension bleeds out of Eddie’s posture. “Oh. I, uh- are you okay with that?”

Buck chuckles lightly at that. “Yeah, Eds. Pretty sure I’ve got everything I need right now.”

Evan.

Sleeping in the same bed at night becomes something of a habit, just like not talking about it does. It’s not that Buck doesn’t want to. He’s just… not sure how. What do you say when you’ve got so many feelings that you can’t even begin to decipher them, and the only thing you know for sure is that the thought of letting your best friend out of sight for more than a few minutes sends you careening towards a panic attack? There’s not exactly a greeting card for that.

This song and dance, though, it’s familiar. Comforting, in its own way. They’ve always flirted with the line between friendship and more, daring to put a toe over it, but never to take an actual step. Buck can’t help but wonder if this is a step, and they’re both just too chickenshit to admit it.

Evan.

“Where’s Ana?” Buck asks one morning, apropos of nothing. “I would’ve expected to see her around more often.”

Eddie stiffens. “We, uh, we broke up.”

Buck whirls around, nearly flinging egg against the backsplash. “When?”

“After the party.” Eddie shrugs uncomfortably.

Buck’s eyebrows raise. “I’ve been with you 24/7 since then,” he says. The question is obvious.

Eddie rubs a hand through his hair and frowns sheepishly. “I… texted her?”

Buck’s jaw drops. “You ended a 6-month relationship, a week after you got shot, over text?”

“In my defense, I was on a lot of painkillers. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Buck can’t help but laugh, throwing his head back. After a moment, Eddie joins in.

“That,” Buck says between giggles, “was not cool, man!”

“Nope,” Eddie agrees.

It’s the best either of them has felt in weeks.

The night after Buck’s first shift back at the station, Eddie has the worst nightmare he’s had since that first night. It takes Buck three tries to wake him, and the glassy look in his eyes remains far longer than he’d like.

“Please be careful,” Eddie says finally. “You have to- I can’t-“

“I promise,” Buck says, holding him tight to his chest.

Evan.

It’s Buck’s own nightmare that brings things to a head.

He’s been sleeping surprisingly peacefully since Eddie’s return home, but when the nightmares do return, they’re the worst he’s had.

He dreams he’s stuck beneath the firetruck, white-hot pain radiating up his leg, watching helplessly as Eddie bleeds out in front of him. Eddie tries to drag himself to Buck, but each pull makes the wound gush even more blood. Buck tries to yell for him to stop, but he can’t make his jaw work.

He finally wrenches it open, only to find himself sitting bolt upright in bed. His throat feels raw, like he’s been screaming, and Eddie’s hand is clutching his forearm. He knows where he is, but the panic from his dream isn’t receding. It grows louder and louder, until finally, Eddie’s voice cuts through.

“Evan!” He says sharply. “You’re okay, you’re fine. You’re in my room, with me. We’re both okay.”

Buck sags and falls back against the pillow, willing his breathing to slow. “You keep saying that,” he whispers in the dark.

“What?”

“My name. Like it means something.”

“It does,” Eddie says. “Every single piece of you matters.”

And Buck… Buck almost believes him.

Evan.

The elephant in the room grows larger every day, but still, they don’t talk about it. For all intents and purposes, Buck lives at Eddie’s. It’s been months. Eddie doesn’t physically need his help anymore, but neither is willing to let the other go. With Eddie’s return date drawing nearer, though, it’s getting harder to ignore.

Buck doesn’t want to ask, but he has to. He’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop since practically the first night, and he can’t take it anymore. He decides to soften the blow with pancakes.

“I should probably go back to my apartment,” he says, as casually as he can manage, as if the words don’t feel like ripping his still-beating heart out of his chest. Buck tries not to examine that feeling too closely.

“You need something?” Eddie asks, like it hasn’t even occurred to him that Buck might not come back.

“No, I-“

“Oh,” Eddie says. His expression goes carefully blank.

“I just-“ Buck tries to explain.

Eddie holds up a hand forestalling him. “I get it,” he says. “It’s fine.”

Buck swallows, ignoring the voice in his head that says definitively that it’s not.

Evan.

Buck’s out the door, duffle in hand, when Eddie stops him.

“Buck, wait,” he says, “Evan!”

Buck drops his bag in surprise and turns, only to find Eddie much closer than he expected.

“Don’t go,” Eddie says in a rush. “Stay, please. I need you here. With me.”

Buck gapes at him, as slowly the knot of emotions in his chest begins to unravel. The string that encircles the edges, that one he knows well: fear. The one beneath it: anger, at the sniper and the universe for hurting Eddie all over again. Hope and devastation intermingle, while grief lay coiled off to the side.

And the string that runs through the middle, holding it all together… that’s love.

Oh.

Buck gets it now.

He takes a step forward, closing the minuscule gap between him and Eddie. “I don’t want to go,” he whispers.

“Then don’t.”

Buck kisses him, soft and sweet. A promise, one which Eddie returns in kind.

There’re still a million things to talk about, but for once in his life, Evan Buckley is pretty sure he has all the words he needs.

#911 #9-1-1 #buddie #911 fox #abbie writes #fic #mine

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sky-berrie · 3 years

Note

How do you think the batboys (+ possibly Bruce) would react to a male SO having an inappropriate emotional response. Specifically laughing as a reaction to pain/extreme emotions. Not being able to control it and seeming hysterical. - ⛓

Hi there!

Thanks so much for the ask! I hope you enjoy this 😊

-Sky

Bruce

When you and Bruce first start appearing in public as an official couple, Bruce’s public relations (PR) manager will probably voice their concerns about your relationship. His PR manager might feel that you are not good for his public image. “If Y/N has a fit of laughter at the gala, you’ll be the laughingstock,” argues the PR manager. Bruce will fire them on the spot. It’ll probably blow up into a big scandal in the tabloids.

If you happen to read the stories, it probably plants a seed of doubt in your mind. You might start to feel like you don’t deserve to be with Bruce. However, don’t bother trying to be noble and break up with him to preserve his public image. He won’t let you go unless you truly don’t want to be with him.

Bruce doesn’t like it when you use self-deprecating humor. If you say something like, “Your PR manager isn’t going to be happy with me. You’ll probably have to give them a raise for all the damage control they’re going to have to do,” Bruce will immediately shut that down. He refuses to let you talk about yourself as if you’re a burden, even if you are half-joking. He reminds you that, “laughing isn’t something you can control and that’s okay.”

If you’re nervous about attending an event, Bruce helps you prepare by scoping out the building and figuring out where to stand and mingle so that you always have a quick escape if you start to feel overwhelmed or need to take a break.

If people are gossiping about you, Bruce will confront them. He doesn’t use threats. He’s composed and professional when he insinuates that they’re insolent ignoramuses for being judgmental. That usually leaves them feeling embarrassed and Bruce is satisfied with that.

Dick

Dick is a former entertainer so he enjoys making people smile and laugh. He doesn’t see your uncontrollable laughter as a negative trait. If you need some cheering up, Dick will tell you how much he adores your laugh and how lucky he is to hear it. Of course, he understands how uncontrollable laughter might cause you distress, so during those times, he will likely hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.

Dick won’t force you to go out in public if you’re anxious about having an uncontrollable reaction in a social setting, but he will strongly encourage you to try. He doesn’t want you to miss out on life and he also just really loves your company. Some days are good and you challenge yourself to get out in public while other days are harder and you don’t feel up to doing anything outside. Dick will let you know that it’s okay to take the day off. If you’re skipping an event (e.g., graduation, a concert, a party), Dick will do his best to bring the event to you. He’ll decorate your home appropriately for the festivity and make sure you have a great time.

If an episode of laughter occurs in public, Dick will find you a safe and comfortable place to calm down. If people are sincerely concerned for you, Dick will politely explain if you are comfortable with him telling people. If people are being obnoxious to you, Dick will tell them to mind their own business. If you are getting harassed, Dick will pull out his badge and become Officer Grayson. He’ll give the douchebags a warning and will make arrests if necessary.

Jason

When Jason witnesses your laughing fit for the first time, he’s genuinely worried about you. He doesn’t know what to do and feels useless. He’s not sure if you want physical contact or space so he just hovers around, waiting for a hint. If you want comfort, he will hold you in his arms and rub soothing circles on your back. If you want alone time, Jason will busy himself by making you your favorite snack so you have something to eat when you’re feeling better.

Jason absolutely hates when you feel ashamed of your emotional reactions. If you put yourself down and say, “I laugh like the f*cking Joker! I’m as screwed up and damaged as him!” he will immediately tell you otherwise. “You are nothing like the Joker. You’re kind and compassionate and selfless. Living with inappropriate affect doesn’t change any of that. And I don’t want to hear you say you’re damaged ever again. There’s nothing wrong with you. Got it?” he says sternly.

If someone else dares to compare you to the Joker, Jason will go berserk. Even if he doesn’t intend to seriously hurt the person, he will by accident because his strength multiplies by tenfold when he’s beyond furious. Sometimes Red Hood’s foes will mock you because it never fails to get a rise out of Jason. Anyone who knows Jason’s story knows that the depraved clown is still a major sore spot for him. Having been mercilessly beaten and murdered by the supervillain and being forever haunted by his maniacal laughter, Jason’s hatred for the Joker is probably justified. Jason refuses to let others disrespect you like that.

Tim

If you are distressed by your inappropriate emotional reactions, Tim will do everything he can to help you manage them. He will suggest therapy and doctor’s appointments and will offer to take you there. He will even ask to attend a meeting with you so he can learn how to best support you. If your therapist recommends using an emotion chart to practice labelling your emotions, Tim will constantly remind to use it throughout the day. He’ll even print out the chart and hang it on the fridge so you have the option to share your feelings with him if you are comfortable. If your doctor prescribes medication, Tim will make sure you take it properly (e.g., at the right time, with/without food).

If you are feeling down about yourself, Tim will use logic to try to convince you that you shouldn’t be ashamed because it’s not something you can control. “Would you tell a person with allergies to be ashamed of themselves? No, that would be ridiculous because they have no control over it.”

Tim, like the rest of his family, is treated like a celebrity in Gotham. Naturally, the public is interested in his dating life which means you are also a target of the paparazzi. If you are worried about experiencing a laughing attack in public and having it captured on camera, Tim will get you “anti-paparazzi” clothing. It’s made out of a reflective material which causes the flash from the camera to reflect back and completely ruin the photo. It’s common for celebrities to wear an anti-paparazzi jacket, but Tim will get you all sorts of custom-made clothing pieces so that you can still be stylish. For example, if you are attending a gala, he will have some fancy clothes designed for you.

Damian

If kids at school are cruel to you, Damian will stick by your side and act like a personal bodyguard. He’s witty and often has a snappy comeback for the taunts and teases that you endure. You might be hysterically laughing and a passerby shouts at you, “You sound like a donkey!” and Damian will retort, “Your native language, I presume?” He won’t engage in physical fights unless it’s necessary for your safety. For example, he will intervene if someone is shoving you around or stuffing you in a locker, but only using enough force to stop their harassment.

Damian is overprotective which can make things worse for you. He’s always fighting your battles and that’s just one more reason for bullies to pick on you. They prey on you when you’re alone, “Hey chuckles, you going to man/woman up and fight me like a big boy/girl today? Or should I wait for your nanny to show up?” If you mention this to Damian, his first impulse is to confront the bully about their behavior. You have to remind him that would only prove the bully right. Damian will grumble something about injustice but will leave the situation be as per your request. He makes an effort to respect your independence and let you stick up for yourself, but he often slips up because it’s his instinct to protect you.

If you must leave class because of an episode of uncontrollable laughter, Damian will accompany you. The teacher might tell him to sit back down because he doesn’t have a hall pass, but he doesn’t care. He will walk out of the room without a second thought. He’ll stay with you and help you calm down in any way that he can. He’ll also offer to work on the homework with you so that you don’t fall behind.

#batfam headcanons #batfam x y/n #batfam x reader #batboys headcanons #batboys x reader #batboys x y/n #bruce wayne headcanon #dick grayson headcanon #jason todd headcanon #tim drake headcanon #batfamily headcanons #batfamily x y/n #batfamily x reader #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #time drake #Damian Wayne #robinchicklets

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aquilaofarkham · 3 years

Photo

title: the little death rating: T+ word count: 2,409 summary: Two years after his fight with Death, Trevor’s injuries start catching up to him while Alucard realizes that humans are more fragile than he thought.

For @trevorsmellmont ❤️ Thank you so much for commissioning me!

READ HERE

There’s a sharp pain pooling beneath his right arm, coursing through his ribcage. Trevor ignores it just as he’s ignored all the other aches, jabs, and stings over the past two years. Two years of building something better, something sustainable to last far longer than its young, admittedly green founders. Countless days, weeks, and months erecting homes, gardens, and pens for those dumb gentle animals who think the entire townscape is their personal pasture. Not another mistake of allowing them to wander aimlessly straight into the castle. As if heifers need to learn how to craft medicine or conduct what’s being referred to as “electricity”.

The work will never be finished. Even on days like this when the sun burns hotter than any circle in hell. A few drops of warm salt-ridden sweat crawl past Trevor’s pressed lips and into his dry mouth. Pain and thick heat were never enough to stop him before—he tells himself this, barely certain of his own supportive thoughts (a new concept taking root in his mind). Take it slow, don’t push yourself, idiot. This cabin made from the earth will get built eventually. Another family will receive their forever home to fill with lots of babies. Old wounds beg to differ as Trevor’s arms begin to weaken, each movement slower than the last, struggling to keep up with Greta’s superior pace. She’s always known her way around a mallet.

Another bead of sweat gets caught in Trevor’s lashes, sparing his eyes from temporary discomfort. Though it wouldn’t have mattered as they’re already past any sort of respite. He looks for distraction but can only see the blurred shapes coming from a huddle of bodies, despite being a short distance from them. He knows it’s only Sypha and Alucard with the village children, which gives Trevor some relief.

There’s more comfort to be felt when he remembers that one of those little monsters is his own, nestled in Sypha’s lap then placed in Alucard’s gentle arms. She has a name far too long for any toddler to pronounce—Elizabeta Belnades Tepes Belmont—so what rolls off her developing tongue instead is simply “Liza”. She’s innocent now but once she leaves this little man-made paradise and ventures into a harsher world, she will take more after her mother and father. Grabbing whatever life offers with both fists, clawing and biting her way through every obstacle until her teeth are reddened with bloody meat. For the time being, they relish Liza’s soft cheeks, wispy hair, and the way she throws herself at whichever adult happens to be in her nearest vicinity. The other children are helping her socialize by playing games and embracing frivolity; a tactic Trevor remembers from his own upbringing, though with less games and even less frivolity.

“Think you can handle one or two more?”

Greta’s voice manages to cut through Trevor’s mental fog. Funny how she asks if he can “think” about anything especially at this suffocating moment. She must have noticed the way his lips curl into a happy doped up grin while observing his family and couldn’t help but inquire. As any close, loved and valued friend would.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“What’s wrong with looking a bit further into the future? Now that we all have one.”

“Looking is one thing, but seriously suggesting is something else completely. My… performance in certain areas isn’t as up to snuff as it used to be.”

As Trevor says this, things deteriorate and get a bit fuzzier from his eyesight down to his chest. Out of focus. Painful. He keeps talking, keeps ignoring the inevitable. Always ignoring what his own body screams for.

Greta wrinkles her nose at his statement. “There are children present, Belmont.”

“What? I’m referring to the house. I barely managed to get one wall up while you’re already on the fucking roof.”

“So dramatic. You three really do deserve each other. And you’re still young.”

“On the outside, maybe.”

She laughs at his lie, misinterpreting it as another piece of mild self-deprecatory banter he might never be able to live without. Greta says something else, perhaps her own personal jest to counter his, but Trevor cannot hear. Breath grows heavier, forcing out a raspy “it’s fine. It’s just my chest”. Barely able to tell if Greta actually said anything about his sudden condition. Or rather, not so sudden. No, this has been building over quite some time now. His muscles and bones screaming, begging for relief or death, and end to everything—whichever comes first. Feelings that only worsened over the years.

Trevor loses control over his legs, now practically boneless. The collision between his head and the ground is nothing compared to the inner war over his heart. Whether it will finally succumb. Greta immediately calls for help—he thinks without confidence, once again. Trevor can still hear voices, but not their exact words. Not Sypha when she demands to know what happened. Not Alucard when he begs for him to stay conscious. Not even Liza as she cries for her papa.

Then all the chaos in the world fades into slow darkness.

Alucard stands outside the closed bedchamber door, contemplating how often he’s touched Trevor’s body. Lithe fingertips have memorized every crevice, scar, soft and rough spots alike. Not just as a lover with wandering hands underneath blankets in the dead of night. Or a friend who holds him steady on both feet when he needs it. But as this family’s self-appointed physician.

Perhaps the prince of two worlds took after his father after all. “Polymath” is what Alucard used to describe Dracula and the very same word others have referred to him as, mostly in the realm of medicine. He knows more than anyone, little offence given towards the herb dispensers and leech farmers (only to be polite for his own townsfolk). Thus, through the anxieties and trembling hands, Alucard gave Trevor his diagnosis: heat exhaustion along with a muscle somewhere in his chest that decided to go rogue and strain itself.

The son of Tepes, the only local doctor worth trusting, and arguably the co-leader of their little prospering hamlet paces across the hall like Trevor did the day Liza was born. He’s on the other side of that closed door, resting. Bedridden from heat exhaustion and a fucking pulled muscle. It bothers Alucard. This shouldn’t have happened to someone who stood up to the personification of Death and pissed in his eye. A stupidly common and easily treatable inconvenience to the human body shouldn’t be the end of a fucking Belmont.

It shouldn’t—unless Trevor’s scars have anything to say about it. The ones on the inside and outside. Inside, unseen, and untreatable. There’s a harsh revelation to be found there; one which the prince has been purposefully avoiding up to this moment. Alucard can try as he wants, use the tools left behind by his father and mother as though it were their final death wish, but he might never tend to what pains Trevor on the inside. He’s a Belmont, undeniably so, but Belmonts are human despite the many recurring signs pointing to the contrary. Then there’s Sypha with her magic, but she’s human as well. Greta and Liza are still human. Humans are more susceptible to dying easy, little deaths even when they follow world-saving victories.

Where does this leave Alucard? Thoughts spiral down, down towards darker places the longer he nervously hovers outside the bedroom. He’s been known to awkwardly stumble into deflection, insisting he’s only half human whenever certain someones bring up this topic of necessary conversation. Meaning he might as well not be human at all. Not when the bodies of those he loves change so rapidly while his remains petrified. It’s only been two years, filled to the brim with countless hours he wouldn’t ever want to trade for the entire world. But the thought of one night as they nestle themselves into bed and Alucard touches either Trevor or Sypha’s chest only to feel an anomaly within their hearts. The earliest sign that time and age will eventually betray them as it does for all mortals—it could be the one thing to break him.

Alucard stops himself at the opportune moment, right before he starts thinking about his mother and father. Did Dracula ever contemplate Lisa’s mortality? Was the decision to never turn her easy or the hardest thing he forced upon his unstable, immortal conscience? Arms crossed over his chest like a protective cage, fingernails digging into the fabric of his shirt until it hurts, Alucard swallows a bitter glob of spit and reaches for the doorknob. Sypha will have to accept the fact that he couldn’t wait for her. He quietly thanks her for the lessons she taught him. If he needs to talk about something—truly talk, no sarcastic wit or banter, just the raw emotions—Alucard no longer hesitates. He won’t, not as he enters the room and immediately sees Trevor still in bed, not quite altogether there. At least he can manage a decent smile and wave of his hand.

“Evening.”

“How does your chest feel?”

“Still a bit tight, but I’ve been taking deep breaths like the doctor ordered.”

The amount of strain heard in Trevor’s voice worries Alucard. Hopefully the Belmont has learned something from the recent past, so he won’t be stupid and suggest anything having to do with leaving bed or getting back to work.

“I think I should get up.”

“I think that’s a poor decision.”

“Are you saying that as my physician or because you’re letting that pretty little blonde head of yours get too worked up?”

No. Yes. Both? If only Trevor didn’t look up at him with those glassy eyes (can he still see him?) the colour of stained glass windows erected in cathedrals he felt so unwelcome inside. If only that smile, somehow both soft and shit-eating, wasn’t in place of a more serious expression. Then maybe Alucard could voice his concerns without being accused of acting overbearing—an accusation grounded in solid evidence but he’s not ready to admit that yet. Not out loud.

“Normal, healthy adults do not become bedridden after pulling a small muscle in their chest.”

“Belmonts aren’t normal… or healthy in my case.”

Alucard’s brow furrows. “I want to think you’re healthy—” I need to. “—that you’ll live long enough to see the children of this village have little ones of their own. Liza included.”

“God’s sake, she’s only two years old. You and Greta, always talking about looking one step too far into the future. Let her be a child before adulthood rears its ugly maw.”

“Try not to change the subject.”

Trevor lifts his head off the indent pressed into his sweat drenched pillow. “Alright. Fine. I feel much better. I won’t push myself and give my heart some more time to recover.”

No response coupled with broken eye contact; sure signs of Alucard’s reluctance to accept his rather weak assurance. The Belmont has no other choice.

“Come here. Sit.”

Another moment’s hesitation before Alucard complies. Feeling his weight upon the mattress, Trevor blindly reaches for his wrist until calloused fingers grip cool, unblemished skin.

“Now lie down. No, no. Not like that. Place your head right here.” He pats his chest and with a fleeting amount of guidance, Alucard’s cheek fits perfectly between his breasts. Two hands smooth over the dhampir’s curves before one before one rests on his silk smooth head and the other against the small of his back. Alucard lied about one thing: his own body can change in small yet noticeable ways. Without the need to fight for the lives of others, whether today or tomorrow, sharp edges turn softer. Trevor and Sypha have finally let themselves breathe as well, let go, and enjoy all of life’s pleasures.

“Hear that?” He asks Alucard.

“... It’s slow.”

“Slow and strong like it should be.”

Alucard wishes he could bottle up that heartbeat or place it in a box. Preferably a music box to listen to its soothing melody long after its original body and soul are both eventually gone from this world. Who knows? It might make things hurt a little bit less like when he redrew his parent’s portrait or built a much larger nursery where his own used to be. Not a lot, but Alucard could possibly live with just “a little”.

“Speaking of Greta…” The baritone of Trevor’s voice sends deep vibrations through his broad chest, tickling Alucard’s cheek. “She said something about more children.”

“More orphans joining us?”

“No, even though I know how much you love those damn orphans. She asked if we could handle one or two more.”

“What did you say?”

“I implied that she was taking after Sypha’s influence by being wonderfully insane.”

Alucard chuckles in agreement. That sounds like Greta. “You never know. It might be good for Liza if she has a younger sibling.”

With the sound of Sypha’s well timed arrival, he’s mercifully saved from Trevor’s lengthy speech about how patience is apparently a virtue and tirades about his “performance” or lack thereof. Greta reveals herself shortly afterwards with a still crying Liza in tow. So many bodies gathered around one inebriated individual, here for him and him alone. Trevor’s consoled yet exasperated expression directed at Greta in particular says “isn’t there someone more important you could be helping right now?”

Sypha is the first to voice her gratitude after fussing over her exhausting loved one. “I will never be able to thank you enough, Alucard.”

“I think the bed did most of the heavy lifting, love.”

Trevor is given an affectionate, somewhat caring glare in response but his focus is demanded elsewhere once he suddenly notices Liza jumping onto the bed. She snuggles herself between him and Alucard, wetting their shirts with her tears.

“Easy there, you little monster. Papa’s still a bit tender.” Not that she can understand or care.

There’s an aura of relief felt amongst everyone in the room—less with Alucard who smiles bittersweetly. It’s a truth he knew he had to acknowledge before it tore his heart open. Trevor and Sypha will die one day and he will have to bury them. He’ll bury Greta, he might even bury Liza. Not today thank all the gods, or tomorrow, not for the next few decades if fate is kind enough.

But the day will come. And it will be Alucard’s own little death.

#castlevania #castlevania spoilers #castlevania fanfiction #trevor belmont #alucard #alucard castlevania #sypha belnades #greta danesti #trephacard #trevorcard #my writing #*cvfic

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shorkbrian · 3 years

Text

(Needles (aphrodisiacs!), blood, and medical paraphernalia ahead. No outright NSFW, but implied at the end)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Latex gloves snapped as they stretched over the man’s hands.

You were nervous.

“Sign here. It’s a consent form for the vaccines you’re receiving today.” His voice was level, almost monotone as he placed a clipboard and pen onto the counter next to your chair.

Three vaccines, routine injections.

You’d been putting them off, wary of needles, wary of people having to touch your body. You knew it would be an all-around unpleasant experience, but you had to get it done sometime, no matter how much you tried to avoid it.

Originally it had just been two shots, but the Doctor, Chisaki Kai, had called back informing you that a third injection would be necessary.

A quick scribble with the pen before the masked man was whisking the clipboard away, confirming you’d signed the papers with a quick glance. He had pretty eyes, you noted - golden iris’s visible above the surgical face mask covering his mouth and nose.

Those pretty eyes snapped to yours, the man looking significantly bored. “All’s in order.” You watched him begin assembling the injections on the counter, needles by bottles, alcohol wipes and bandaids nearby.

“The first will go in your left arm, the second in your right, and the third in your left again. It will hurt.” His bedside manner left something to be desired.

He worked quickly and efficiently, plunging the first needle into a bottle, drawing back the plunger to fill it full of liquid before removing it from the bottle. “Please roll up your sleeves.”

Then he was stepping close, needle in one gloved hand, sterile alcohol swab in the other. You were watching him like a hawk, trying your best not to flinch when the cold wipe came into contact with your exposed upper arm.

A quick glance at your flinch, the slight bit of air hissing through your teeth at nothing but the coldness of the wipe had the man cocking his head, but he said nothing.

“Uhm, can you please-uhm, tell me when you’re about to do it?” You gulp, wide eyes trained on the far wall. Just don’t look at the needle, you’ll be fine.

“You prefer to know when to expect the pain?” It was less a question, more a statement, but you nodded nonetheless. “I’ll count to three.”

“One.” A gloved hand lightly touched your arm.

“Two.” Pointer finger and thumb smoothed over your skin, keeping it taut.

“Three.” There was a pinch, immediately followed by deep burning, stinging pain that had you gritting your teeth and wincing.

-----

The scent of bitter, sterile alcohol filled your nose, harshly jerking you to consciousness. Everything smelled like chemicals, latex and bleach and ammonia - not the most pleasant thing to wake up to.

Opening your eyes was easy, lifting your head not so much. You were slumped in your seat, head resting against the counter at your side, feet planted on the ground.

The doctor was crouched in front of you, a small wipe pinched between his fingers, held up to your nose. Golden eyes studied you closely, and upon seeing your eyes open, lashes fluttering, the doctor withdrew the wipe, subsequently taking away the chemical smell.

“You fainted.”

A blink as you gained your bearings, feeling disoriented and weak. You were still in the exam room, a tiny cramped space with barely enough room for a chair beside the exam table.

You swallowed, throat feeling dry, head fuzzy. God, did you hate needles.

“Have you had this reaction to injections before? It’s not uncommon in patients.”

“I.....no? I don’t-uhm-don’t think so...” It felt funny talking, as if you weren’t inside your body.

The doctor stood abruptly, quickly discarding the ammonia wipe into the trash, stripping his gloves off as well before donning a new pair.

“Stay there while you recover. Are you up for the other two shots today, or would you like to schedule an appointment for them at a different time?”

Why the hell didn’t he just give you the shots while you were unconscious?

“I wanna do it today please.” You sighed, reaching to feel the bandaid on your left arm. “I would hate to have to come back and do this again, know what I mean?”

Nothing else was said, just a brief nod from the man before he disappeared from the room. You shuffled your feet, closing your eyes as you leaned back in the chair.

“(Y/N)? Do you feel ready to stand?” He was back, standing in the doorway and looking at you.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” You rocked up to your feet, rolling down your sleeve as the doctor stepped froward towards the counter. He gathered up the remaining syringes, bottles, and other supplies before stepping around you and back towards the door.

Again, you did your best to not shy away when he passed you, not wanting to make contact. Your skin was so sensitive, you hated touching people, or feeling their clothes brush against your skin. The man didn’t seem to notice, but that was alright. You were used to dodging threatening sensations in your life.

He guided you through the clinic, towards the back where a small office was situated, a comfortable-looking couch against one of the walls. His name wasn’t on the door - you remember now, Doctor Chisaki.

Or was he a nurse? You didn’t know.

But his name wasn’t on the door. Was it okay to be in this office? Don’t they usually make you wait in the exam room?

“Have a seat, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back shortly.”

The door clicked shut behind him.

Today was your day off, the entire day devoted to getting your shots done, to overcoming this obstacle, handling the immense stress that came with it. It didn’t bother you to spend it sitting down and playing word searches on your phone.

But still....

“Don’t patients usually wait in the exam room? Or in the waiting room?” You asked the man as soon as he re-entered the room, stack of paperwork in one hand as he shut the door with the other.

He gave you a once-over, body tucked into the corner of the couch, before he spoke. “Usually, but I want to make sure you don’t pass out where I can’t see you. That’d make me a bad doctor. This isn’t common procedure, sure, but I didn’t expect your body to be so-” weak “-easily indisposed.”

The tone of his voice kept completely level, hardly any emotions showing on his face, but still you felt... chilled by this man. There was no reassurance from him, no compassion or empathy.

“I’ll administer your remaining shots in 45 minute increments, that should give you enough time to recover between each one. You’ll have to lay down for them though, that’s why you’re sitting on that couch.”

Polite, but it still felt like you were getting talked-down-to. He was patronizing you.

You gave him a curt nod to show you understood, before fumbling your phone out of your pocket to begin passing the time.

Doctor Chisaki sat down behind the empty desk, neatly placing his stack of papers on the wood before taking a sheet off the top and clicking his pen. From where he was sitting, you were in his direct line of sight, and you could feel him glancing at you occasionally as the scribble of his pen and the tapping of your fingers filled the silence.

45 minutes passed quickly, too quickly for your liking. You weren’t looking forward to the next shot.

Same instructions as before - roll up your sleeve, he’d count to three.

But the doctor paused after swabbing your arm clean. “You keep flinching. Am I hurting you?”

“No, I mean, not really.” You shrugged. “I don’t like it when people touch me I guess, feels funny.”

“Well, try to relax.”

Easy for him to say, hard for you to do.

This time, with you laying down, the shot went much smoother. The doctor counted the three, you hissed in pain at the burning slice of the needle, but retained consciousness. Which frankly, was a success.

“That really hurts.” You breathed as soon as the needle slipped free from your arm. Even thinking about the thin point being in your muscles made you feel queasy. At least you didn’t have to look at it.

“That’s a common side effect. Muscle soreness because the needle is essentially causing a small injury to the fibers, and there are other reasons, but they're more complicated. You want ice?”

“Nah, it’ll be fine. I’ll just deal with it.”

The man blinked. “You have an interesting reaction to pain.”

“Uhhh...” You scrunched up your eyebrows as you glanced up at him, sitting up as you did so. “Thanks?”

“You’re extremely sensitive to tactile stimulation, like to know when you’ll be experiencing pain, but you don’t particularly care about relieving it. Have you ever given blood?”

The question caught you off guard, especially after realizing the man had been analyzing you more closely than you had expected.

“Nah. Does that matter?”

“Not particularly, I’m just curious I guess.” Doctor Chisaki admitted, once again stripping off his gloves and disposing of them before sliding on another pair.

He went back to his paperwork, and you to your phone, but his frequent glances weighed you down. Did you have something on your face? Was your hair messy?

“Could you point me to the bathroom please?” You rose to your feet slowly, making sure you weren’t going to faint as you stood up.

“It’d be better if you stayed seated.” Was his curt reply.

With a frown, you sat back down. Why couldn’t you use the bathroom? Maybe it affected..... something? With the vaccines? You didn’t know enough about how these things worked to really question it. Doctors were professionals, and they had their reasons.

Still, you’d feel a bit more comfortable if the man wasn’t watching you so closely.

45 more minutes of squirming until your next shot.

-----

Lay down.

Roll up your sleeve.

Try to relax.

Deep breathe.

“You smell.”

“What?” Your head snapped to the side, confused. You smelled?

“It’s not bad. What scent is it?”

Blinking back surprise, you relayed the scent on your shampoo and conditioner. This doctor was a bit... unconventional. But his sudden question did take your mind off of the countdown, off of the pain. Smart.

“My nose is sensitive, most scents are overwhelming and while I like cleanliness I cannot stand the smell of bleach or most cleaning products. I chose the wrong profession for that, didn’t I?”

His version of a joke made you almost chuckle, a lazy grin stretching across your face instead. “You certainly did. You ever try Pine Sol though? That’s what I use for like, everything.”

The doctor shook his head, and you chattered on about the unoffensive-smelling cleaner, where you bought the bottle you have under your sink, how you use it. He listened intently as he plastered another bandaid over your arm.

“Alright, I can go now?” You asked, sitting up for the last time.

“No.”

“No?”

“Vasovagal syncope can still occur, I’d prefer you not faint and bash your head open on the ground. There’d be such a mess.”

Mouth snapping shut at the fancy medical term, you couldn’t help but sigh as you slumped back against the couch.

“Bored?”

“I’ve been here for almost four hours. You don’t have other patients to get to?” You didn’t think to check the accusatory tone in your voice.

The doctor put aside his pen, folding his hands on the desk as he stared at you with golden eyes. “They’ve been transferred to different doctors. My current patient has taken precedence. I don’t half-ass things like some people, I see my projects to completion.”

You were a bit taken aback at the vehemence in his voice, the way his eyes dropped to slits, narrowing fiercely at you.

“That’s what it means to be in this profession. I’m here to cure people. I make sure that sickness doesn’t spread between humans like fire in a barn full of hay. What I do is important and deserving of respect, I’m ensuring the survival of humanity, am I not?”

The intense tension in the air built, the doctor staring you down. “I’m close to becoming a renowned doctor. Just one, one breakthrough will finally get the world to see me. ”

He cocked his head, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled beneath the mask. “I thank your efforts in being a volunteer towards my latest project. It’s been a bit difficult to find someone who readily accepted an unknown injection.”

Unknown.. injection?

“What are you talking about?”

“The second injection isn’t a vaccine, more like a... pet project of mine. I can’t wait to see what it does.”

“You can’t-this is malpractice, I didn’t consent to this-” Your fists clenched as you stood.

“You signed the consent papers. They’ll hold up in court. Most people receive the vaccines you got today when they’re still teenagers, and under their parents care. Lucky for me, you’re afraid of needles it seems, so you’ve been a bit neglectful. Hard to get a parent to sign over their child as a test subject, easy to get a fearful individual to listen to their doctor.”

A twinkle in his eye made you want to punch his lights out. “What the hell dude, you call yourself a doctor? What did you inject me with?”

The man rose from behind the desk, moving until he stood in front of you. “You’ll see soon enough. I’m pleased that you’re so concerned with hygiene, that makes this easier for both of us.”

“What??”

“And you can forget about calling for help, not that you’ll want to. But everyone’s left for the day-” He checked his wrist, where a nice watch gleamed at you mockingly. “45 minutes ago. So feel free to disclose your symptoms as they pop up as loud as you’d like.”

The man sat down on the couch, easily sinking into the plush material looking up at you with a malicious gleam in his eyes. He had been playing you since you’d walked into the clinic. Was this some sort of prank?

“You’re messing with me.”

“I’ve told you, I see my projects to completion. This is the testing stage, and it might be a while before it’s over. Why would I waste time messing with someone else’s dumb little life?’

Your mouth felt dry, face warm. Why did your legs feel all pleasantly tingly? There was a slowly-building heat simmering low in your core, and if you weren’t standing directly in front of Chisaki, you’d rub your legs together. What did he do to you?

“Now, sit down, and tell your doctor what's bothering you.”

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