Losing a sense of self is a terrible feeling. Missing the old you, is worse. Hating the current self, is the worst one. In the dark room which brackets make the slightest possible space for sunshine, apparently which is my mind, I try to open the windows and focus on the rising sun. Funnily enough I can't help but look at the setting sun as well. I know there's always a second side to a story, another head to the coin. But sometimes it's hard to look at one of them. Sometimes it feels impossible to be positive. The only idea bringing hope in, is that the sun will rise again. That it's not just me who's going through it. But does that make it better? I still am the sole sufferer of my suffering. I can't help but feel low at points. And the day passes like that. Without a sense of self, hating the current "me", wishing for it to end, hoping for the sun to rise again.
first time i listened to this album i was in highschool, i was younger and had less fears than i have rn. so one wednesday (and i remember it was one wednesday because i had chemistry class and i HATED IT) i skipped class and went to a complete stranger’s house just because his house was near the beach lmao spent the rest of the day there and then teachers called my mom and my best friend’s mom (who i had convenced of skipping class with me) and caught us bad jajsjsjsjsjs buttt we listened to this album the whooole time and now the fact that they caught us and punished us doesn’t really matter because now i’m 22 and it’s a really nice memory haha