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testingthewatersss · 4 months

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One day I'll get a request and keep it short, but uh, not today because this could've easily been a series. Under 4k is good for me though, so that's a win.This is my first time consciously shooting for a G/N reader in a long time so, bare with me.

Floodgates Usual Winter Solider context warnings but this is pretty tame tbh Bucky Barnes x G/N Reader Imagine 3830 words Fluff, mild angst. 18+ MDNI Requests open for a while via messages check masterpost for updated availability.

Everybody knows that Bucky is touch-starved. It's the unspoken truth that's used by everyone to excuse his irritable demeanour. It's the reason why nobody minds leaving the common rooms empty when he passes out on the couch in the middle of the day and Steve doesn't let Sam jab at him too much for how sweet he is on you.

The hope that had flourished when you'd made your relationship a little more public was quickly dying out though. When all the inhabitants noticed that Barnes was still a grouch. If anything, he was more jumpy when people got too close.

It was Bruce who suggested that the reason might be that the only person who didn't understand this blatant link between being kept isolated for the better part of a century and not tolerating mundane forms of contact might be Bucky.

After a lot of hushed discussion, Natasha was the one who decided to address it. Not being able to stand the undercurrent of gossip, but also not wanting to provoke any kind of intense reaction, she bided her time and cornered you.

"Does Barnes know he needs some skin on skin, or is he still takin' the long way round figuring it out?"

Coffee catches in your throat. You're in a Starbucks, you've just run a stupid 5k route that you hadn't wanted to and she's asking you this, now?

"Of course, he knows" You reply after a beat, "I mean, we all know, but he really knows."

She looks unsurprised, offers you a brown sugar packet and sits back on her stool.

"You know, couples-"

"Are you about to give me a sex talk?" you cut her off, humour making your lip quirk, "Please do not give me a sex talk"

"I wasn't talking about sex, we all know you're havin' plenty of that-"

You scoff at her, not bothering to ask how or why that's a topic of discussion at all.

"-I know exactly what you're talking about..." you decide to say, tone a little more serious now, "...It's delicate, Nat"

"That's why I'm talking to you" she replies, "I want to stop hearin' about it, and the only way I can get Rodgers to stop talkin' is to stop him from worryin' and the only way to do that is give him something."

You consider her words for a moment before nodding.

"He knows, I know- We all know, but it's difficult for him and I am not going to rush him into anything" You tell her, "but that doesn't mean I'm not keepin' an eye, and for what it's worth, he's gettin' better with the whole thing."

"His attitude didn't seem better this mornin'-" she counters from behind her paper cup, "He nearly Wilson put through a wall-"

"-for trying to get him to go to a couples therapist with Steve." You remind her smugly, "He told me all about it."

It's her turn to scoff then.

"Any other personal things you want to ask me?" you press, half a challenge. She grins before making her expression intensely serious-

"So, about the sex-"

You don't linger in the cafe for long, and you definitely don't run back. You call a cab, much to Romanoff's dismay. The break from the serious atmosphere of the tower has done wonders for her mood though, and by the time you make it home your arms are ladened with bags. Fast food for everyone and clothes and some new kind of tablet thing that Tony had insisted he can turn into a portable holo-deck.

Bucky is waiting in your suite.

The second you see him the conversation you'd had about his attitude seems ridiculous.

He beams up at you so wide that he gets creases by his eyes, and all he can do is chatter about everything that's happened since you left.

Steve annoyed him by out-lapping him on their run.

Wilson annoyed him, by well, breathing apparently.

He's finally figured out how to fix the dishwasher, so he doesn't have to call maintenance anymore, and he's finished packing his bag for the mission he's leaving on in the morning, and, he tells you proudly- he's made dinner.

It's some kind of soup, at least, you think it's meant to be a soup. But, whatever it is, it's good. And he's still smiling as you wash the dishes, bumping his hip against yours when you make a snarky comment about him still not using the dishwasher he's so proud of fixing.

And then he gets quiet.

You're sitting together on the couch, the same way you have been for hours, with your legs barely touching but with his warm, flesh fingers wound tightly through yours. You think about asking why he's suddenly turned mute, but then you notice the time.

"When do you leave?" You ask, stroking the back of his palm with your thumb.

"Four" he mumbles unhappily, giving your palm the lightest squeeze, "You're stayin' here, right doll? You're gonna wait for me?"

You laugh silently, pulling your legs up beside you to curl into his side.

"Don't I always?" you tease, grinning as he reaches over with his metal hand, guiding your lips to his.

"I'll be back before ten" He promises, "Steve promises"

"Oh, does he?" you murmur, lips still ghosting his, "You know he's driving Natasha crazy"

He quirks a brow, even so, close to his face you can see curiosity shining behind his eyes.

"Aparently you're a jerk because I don't give you enough skin on skin"

He rolls his eyes, laughing as your fingers find his cheek.

The second you actually touch him, though- the laughter dies. He has to focus all of his energy on not moaning at the contact.

You feel him tense and lessen the pressure, letting him move instead, pressing another kiss against your lips as he goes back to looking at you, this time, though, there's nothing but adoration behind the blue.

"you do plenty" he whispers, before moving quickly, standing and pulling you up with him, carrying you effortlessly, "I'm fine."

"I know" You hear yourself agree, although you think he'll hear the doubt in your tone, "But- if you do ever want something, you know I'm here, right?"

What Bucky wants he thinks, is totally irrelevant.

He wants to lay in your lap for hours, he wants to fall asleep and stay that way for hours because your fingers are in his hair. He wants to cry and not have to hide in a shower to do it. But you deserve better.

You deserve normal.

As normal as he can give you anyway.

Not that that's much, but he can't control that he reminds himself sternly, what he can control, however, is this.

He can keep the floodgates closed. He can do what he does best and keep it down.

He can make do with fleeting points of contact. With your hand in his, and your body in the same bed. The warmth of you is more than enough. You being there, smiling safe and lovely is more than enough.

And when he places you on the soft mattress and watches you start to tangle yourself with the covers, he's once again certain that that is all he needs.

What would I say, anyway? he thinks sadly, taking his place on the side of the bed that always seems too cold, How could I even bring that up without openin' a whole can of worms?

His cheeks burn hot with embarrassment, and as he thinks tragically about how much he wants to just reach out and feel you, his eyes start to sting.

"You doin' alright, sweetheart?" you ask, already knowing that he's not. He nods though and forces a smile you recognise.

"Tired" he mumbles unconvincingly.

Before his cheeks can get any more pink, you decide to smile back. It works to settle him. So does the way you reach out to take his hand again.

"I'll try not to wake you up" he promises quietly, "I'll see you tomorrow night"

"Tonight" You correct, looking over at the clock on his nightstand, "It's 1, you're leavin' in 3 hours, you better try and get some rest."

You don't know whether he does or not. He's gone when you wake up, reaching out for the fingers you normally fall asleep holding. He's left a note, telling you he loves you, and that he'll see you soon. And you tell FRIDAY to send him a message wishing him luck. When you don't get a reply, you decide to keep yourself busy. You order a delivery of food, which Bucky needs more than he realises, the state of his small built-in kitchen is shameful it's at best and depressing at its worst.

In all fairness, a punnet of pulmbs, some milk, 2 carrots and half a loaf of bread is far from that- but still. A stock-up isn't going to hurt anything.

And then you still haven't heard, and the tower is creepy when it's empty.

Like a school at night, you muse, walking through the walls, chattering to FRIDAY just to have some background noise.

Aside from assuring you that everyone's vital signs are fine, she can't actually do much to distract you, so in the end, you abandon her too and settle for sitting in your suite, on the bed, exactly where Bucky had left you.

You fall asleep reading and only wake up when you hear the door click open. You beam, rubbing tiredness from your eyes as you wait expectantly for him to come in and greet you.

He doesn't though. You can hear movement but it's not coming towards you, so you decide to just go to it instead.

"Hi, sweetheart-"

Your happy greeting dies as soon as you see him. Flushed with adrenaline, and tugging at his belt, which is still laden with grenades. When he finally rips it free, tossing it to the floor with such reckless abandon that you can't help but cringe, you walk towards him.

He's pulling at his vest now. Metal fingers pulling desperately at the straps that hold it in place, growing more and more frustrated as he can't quite get them loose-

"Here" you whisper, hating the look of anguish he's wearing, "Let me help"

His arm snarls as you reach out to replace his fingers with your own. But to his great surprise, you don't even flinch. You just hush out a soft breath and guide the metal palm away.

"You're fine" you promise, seeing the way he's relenting.

His brow meets the window as he leans against it, both arms falling lamely to his sides as he focuses on breathing.

On staying still and not just taking off running until his legs give way beneath him.

"You're back late" you muse, flicking a glance at the wall, where the time is being projected by what you're assuming is Tony's version of a wall clock.

11: 33

"Not too late though, huh?" you continue, knowing he likes the background noise, "Is anyone hurt?"

Bucky gives a short shake of his head.

It hurts. The movement sends daggers through his eyes. But still, he bites his tongue and tries to keep still.

He needs the vest off. He needs the layers of heavy, bulletproof padding, gone. He needs to not feel like he's dressed for battle, and he needs the ringing in his head to stop.

"Just you then" you murmur, more to yourself than to him.

"'m fine" he mutters, knowing you won't argue- especially since it's exactly what you've just told him.

You hum in quiet disagreement instead. Tugging the last of the straps free before letting the rough weighted vest fall to the ground with a dull thud that makes you wonder if you should've checked it for explosives first.

"Better?"

Your voice cuts through the pulsing in his ears, making him hyper-aware of the way he's still resting his head against the cool glass of a window of all things.

Is it better? he thinks, rolling his shoulders unhappily.

"Yeah" he murmurs, "Yeah, thank you, sugar"

And then he turns to you, wearing the fakest smile you've ever seen, and you can't help but reach out and stroke his cheek.

He flinches. He physically recoils back into the glass with a look so sad that you miss the false grin.

"They-uh" he coughs, embarrassment burning through his chest, "They shouted my words out through a speaker" he confesses, "I- I probbaly shouldn't even be here- Steve, Tony, they all, all say I'm okay, but I- I might... I, I just wanted to see you"

Your phone is already in your hand. Typing frantic questions to Natasha, to Tony and Steve and feeling your whole chest relax as replies start flooding in.

The words are deactivated, as deactived as they can be, anyway. He's not a danger, not that a different answer to that question would've changed anything, and everyone knows where he is. When he'd bolted from the Quinn-jet in irritable silence, the entire team had let him go because they knew exactly where he was going, and considering the fact that he's physically uninjured, fighting to get him to go to Med-bay would've been a waste of everyone's energy.

They still might've tried, in fact, Steve definitely would've tried, if they hadn't all been exhausted already.

When you look back up at him, your heart cracks straight down the middle.

He's just, waiting.

Eyes closed, brow on the glass,with his breath making it fog up by his face.

His back is heaving too, shining in the dim lights of the room. His back is shaking like he's crying, but his jaw is locked tight.

"What do you need, huh?" you wonder softly, not moving to touch him again, "Sweet, sweet boy- you got off that plane, and you ran- you ran all the way here, and then you stopped in here, why?"

His eyes flicker open, red and sore.

"I" he swallows, "I had to get it off"

You quirk your head, not understanding, and then you see the vest by his boots and nod.

"It hurts" he mutters to himself, "It's always hurt. I needed it off"

You know he's not talking to you, but you nod all the same, hoping that it might at the very least encourage him to keep his eyes open.

And then you realise what he's saying, and you can't keep quiet anymore.

"What hurts?" you ask softly.

His cheeks are hot again. He knows that he's embarrassed. That he should be, that it's right that he's burning with shame, but with the way his head is splintering he really doesn't care.

"The vest," he tells you quietly, "My skin, it- uh...it's always... the scars they uh... I- I needed to get it off..."

He looks at you, expecting to see a hint of something. Disgust, maybe? Or pity. What he doesn't expect, is the way you just nod again, expression understanding as you inch closer towards him.

He bites back a whimper, using all the strength he has left to not just collapse in your arms.

Keep the floodgates closed.

"Its off..." you remind him mildly, "Your home, it's off... so, what else do you need?"

Bucky blinks, sniffing to try and stop tears from forming as he stares at you.

And then, he hears you sigh, and his chest tightens so much that he can't catch a breath.

A sigh is never good. He thinks. He's done it. He's finally done it. He's done something that has made you realise he's a lost cause.

He's the lost cause.

But, when he forces himself to look back at you, wanting to memorise your face before you leave his world forever, no matter how painful it is, he sees you smiling. Leaning against the window, only inches away from him.

"I want to help" you promise softly.

A disbelieving scoff bubbles up through the tightness of his throat, and for a second, you think he looks like himself again. Even if he's a little rough around the edges.

"You did..." Bucky reminds you quietly, "I couldn't get it off, and you helped me"

The urge to roll your eyes at his gratitude is quickly tempered by the genuine affection in his tone. You settle for nodding instead.

"So what else do you need?"

This time, when your hand meets his face he shivers. Feeling something deep in his chest snap as he starts to lean back into the contact.

"C-could you..." he gulps, desperately shy now, "God, doll- could you just, touch my hair?"

"Your hair" you murmur, love drenching every word as you slowly trail your fingers up past his temple, stroking through the tangled length so gently he wants to scream.

"Please" he shudders, "don't pull-"

His frantic request chokes off incomplete, the heat in his cheeks making his jaw lock petulently.

"You don't like havin' your hair pulled?" you muse, tone light in contrast to his, "Noted."

"Does anyone?" he wonders bravely, adjusting to the slow, trailing warmth across his head.

You laugh at that, further coaxing him out of his embarrassment.

"Sure they do, Buck," you tell him conversationally, "people like all kinds of things..."

He's melting. He's sure he's physically melting into your fingers. Into the gentle tug and pull, into the wonderful, brilliant sting of human contact.

All you hear is the softest hum. It's content though, so you take it as a win.

"So since this definitely a winner..." you drawl, bringing your free hand down to his, letting him grasp your fingers in reflex, "What else do you like?"

The part of his brain that isn't purring like a cat, stuttering to a halt at your question. His eyes focus, as he blinks at you, face full of such total adoration that you feel like you should probably look away, but he's so beautiful that you can't quite manage it.

"You"

That makes you laugh, small and flattered as you shake your head.

"You've got me, Barnes." You remind him lightly, "If we could be doin' anything, anythin' in the world, right now what would we be doin?"

The smile he gives you then is the most precious one he's ever worn. Your whole body flushes with affection as he chuckles silently reaching up and pressing a kiss against the back of your hand, as you scratch your free knuckles against the back of his head.

"I have no idea" he mumbles honestly.

Your brow quirks, before you move, pivoting and opening your arms to coax him in.

He freezes, staring at you with longing as he offers a sad shake of his head-

"I can't- darlin'-" he stammers nervously, "I want to- I- I really- I-"

"You" he hears you whisper, "can do whatever you like."

He shakes his head again, stubborn this time.

"Not that" he mumbles, "Not to you"

"To me" you repeat, curious.

His lips tighten and then part, breath shallow as your thumb finds his cheek.

"I won't be able to stop" he explains, voice quiet like he's sharing a secret, "If I start, I won't ever be able to stop and you- you're-you're everythin' to me and I- I can't put that on you- because I really- I mean it- I don't-"

Your head is already shaking, your arms are moving, pulling him into your chest.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop" Bucky feels his words melting into your shoulder, he feels the heat of your body against his. His bare chest burning against the thin fabric of your vest. The feeling of your skin against his threatening to make his knees buckle. "I- I won't be able to stop"

You shake your head, hushing him as his resistance fades away to nothing. As he goes pliant in your arms, head falling to the crook of your neck.

"I'm sorry" he whispers, "I'm so sorry"

"You're never listen" You mumble in reply, letting his hand go so that you can hold him tight against your front, "I just told you, sweetheart..."

Bucky pulls away just enough to look at you, and when you see tears brimming in his eyes, you can't help but hush him again, noting the way his hands are wound tight into the fabric you're wearing.

His lower lip pouts, he tries to avert his gaze but it doesn't work. He just can't manage to tear his eyes away from you. From the way you're looking at him, full of affection. Full of patience and kindness and-

"Didn't I just tell you, huh?" you murmur, smiling a little again, "You've got me"

He blinks, still not understanding.

So you do the only thing you can.

You kiss him. You kiss him until he pulls back, until he dips back down into your arms, tired and aching and pressing his own kisses against the skin of your throat.

"I'm not goin' anywhere" You remind him gently, "We don't ever have to stop"

We don't ever have to stop.

Your sweet words rattle through his mind all the way to the bedroom.

If it weren't for the aching in his knees and the awful cold of the room now that he's not hidden in your front, he might not've even noticed the journey.

He's too tired, now. His head aches, and his adrenaline is well and truly shot. But the hope of you, of more of the wonderful warmth of you, is more than enough to keep him moving through it.

I've done worse for less, he reminds himself with every wounded step.

We don't ever have to stop.

And then there's the bed. The edge of the bed against his calves, and he knows his hands are free and that he should be doing something but he can't think of what, no matter how hard he tries.

You remind him, your hands on his belt, your feet nudging his boots so he remembers to kick them free before finally lowering himself onto the covers.

For a minute the familiar coolness jars him. His head spins and throbs and pulses and then,

and then your fingers are back in his hair. Your arms are wrapped around him, and all he can feel is warmth.

Warmth and pressure building behind his eyes. Incredible pressure that finally spills free as his eyes overflow. As he surrenders and clings onto your back with all the strength he has left, and cries.

He sobs, silently at first, tears melting into your chest as you stroke his back. Whispering soothing words that you know he can't hear. Letting him finally just be.

And then, he's asleep. And so are you, a tangle of limbs and covers and heat. The kind of heat that makes you drowsy, that makes Bucky drowsy.

Drowsy enough to sleep through whatever nightmares were bound to have been triggered by the missions, drowsy enough to keep him that way for hours in a row. And when he does wake up, for the first time in... well, a long time- he's smiling.

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mar3ggiata · 22 days

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professional help, c7 preview.

simon riley x original character.

abstract: Simon. I don't fucking know what to say about this chapter, I was moving in autopilot. and I'm just being a decent fucking human being, what do you expect me to say really? just start reading already...

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, EDs and death.

song to listen to when reading this: Dark red, Steve Lacy.

Simon, on her right, was frowning with his eyebrows slightly peering through his mask. She started imagining if she just left right now. Took her dog, got to the airport and moved to Spain. The Maldives, maybe. She started a new life as a new person once at 18, she could do it again now seven years later. Or maybe she just needed to go home, smoke every little bit of weed she had left, curl up in bed and die. She started laughing.

'Jude', he called and finally she looked at him. 'What!?' She raised her voice. She was mad again. Like the first time he saw her, fists curled with rage, on the verge of tears. He tried to keep his voice as gentle as he could. 'It's alright, everything's going to be fine', he tried to talk to her like he would do in an hostage rescue situation. 'I'll get you home. I know how to do my job', he reassured.

'Can I check the other rooms?' he asked. To be respectful, you know. She nodded and he made his way to her bedroom. The door was closed. He glanced around the room, he checked the toilet as well. The bed wasn't made. She had light blue bedding. The room smelled like her, like lavender. She had a stuffed animal on the bed, a sheep. She had fuzzy slippers, probably a size 5. On the wall, more posters. He noticed a painting of a scary dog's fangs. Books on the nightstand, books on the wooden window sill. He saw a bra hanging from a chair and that was his cue to leave. In the toilet, one single toothbrush. So… no boyfriend? 'All clear'. She was standing beside the door, her dog at her feet was licking her hand while she petted him lazily. 'Thanks.' She offered him a smile, a tiny one.

'What happened last year?' He saw her expression darken, her shoulders tense. Who do you think you are to ask like that? She straightened her back and let go of the dog. He remained at her feet, wanting attention. 'You should learn to mind your business.' she made her way to the kitchen. She passed by him and didn't make eye contact.

notes: chapter seven soon!!

chepter six is here!

taglist:

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ilovewriting06 · 1 year

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Greek Tragedy

A/N: I’m thinking of making a part 2 to this and skipping to like the middle of season 1 with the story. So let me know if you want a part 2.

I screamed out of shock as someone grabbed my arm and pulled me inside the house I had been reading a book behind on a beach chair. I was dragged into the room with three guys and the man that took me in as his own. m

John was tied to the chair he was sitting in talking to someone in a calm yet shaky voice. I listened as he ordered the person on the other end of the phone to not give the man what he wants. The guy that was holding me in place looked at me and then back at the man holding a gun beside John. I watched in fear as the man holding the gun yelled about his brother before a gunshot echoed throughout the house and I watched the man who took me in a mere few months ago die, no, as he got murdered. I screamed but nothing came out.

I would have fallen to the ground if it wouldn’t have been for the man holding me. I stared at John as silent tears rolled down my face. When the man who just murdered John hung up the phone he turned to me and went to say something until he heard sirens in the distance getting closer. He cursed under his breath before he said, “Forget her we have to go!” And just like that I fell to the floor as the man released me and ran out the back door with the others. I crawled over to where John was sitting and sat up on my knees before shaking his shoulders and screaming, “NO, NO, DON’T LEAVE ME! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT YOU! PLEASE COME BACK. Please.” My voice broke on my last plea before I fell to the floor screaming and crying until I couldn’t breathe. I was only there for a few seconds before the police barged in, guns raised, but it felt like hours had passed. I felt someone grab my shoulder and I backed away quickly with sobs still leaving my mouth. I looked into the face of a kind looking man as he offered me his hand to help me up. I shakily took his hand and allowed him to lead me outside the house.

Everything after that all flew by while I was stuck in time replaying what happened over and over again in my mind. By now I was sitting in an interrogation room alone. At least five police officers and a therapist had been in here trying to get me to talk but I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. I was still trying to process that the only person who has every truly loved me, was murdered in front of me.

I peeked up a little bit as I heard the familiar voice of the officer who had helped me, who I had learned was called Duke, talking to someone outside the door. I heard an unfamiliar voice respond in a concerned yet confused voice, “What was she doing there?”

“I don’t know Steve,” Steve? Steve who? Steve McGarrett? Johns son? He was here? Well duh it was his father, wait, how long have I been here?, “all I know is that she was in the room when your father was killed and she hasn’t said a word since.”

I heard the voice I’ve learned is Steve reply, “Jesus, how long has she been in there?”

“Ever since we found her.”

“Has she eaten?” Well he seems caring.

“No, we’ve offered but she just shakes her head no.”

“Can I see her?”

I assume Duke agreed as the door soon opened to reveal Duke followed by a tall man with dark hair and blue bloodshot eyes enter the room. Duke offered to stay but Steve was quick to deny the offer. After Duke left Steve sat in the chair across from me. I peaked at him through my hair. He’s definitely not bad looking. Stop it Y/N. I looked back down at the metal table before I heard Steve clear his throat before speaking, “I’m Steve McGarrett, I’m John’s son.” I glanced at him before nodding my head to signal that I knew who he was. I watched as he shifted nervously before asking, “What’s your name?” I looked up and made eye contact before quickly looking down. I heard him sight before saying, “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me but I want to help you and I can’t do that if you don’t tell me who you are.” I looked down before opening my mouth and then closing it again. I watched as his eyes lit up with hope before he encouraged me again, “It’s okay it’s just me and you, no one else.” I looked up at him again and felt the comfort I had only felt with John and knew that I could trust Steve. “Y/N, my name is Y/N.” My voice was hoarse from crying and underuse. He smiled a small smile before nodding his head, “Do you need anything?A drink or some food?”

“A water would be nice.”

He smiled and nodded his head before getting up and started to walk out the door before I stopped him, “Please don’t leave me.” My voice shook as I spoke and he looked at me with a mix of surprise and sympathy before nodding his head and motioning for someone and then asking them to bring me a water.

A couple seconds later a guy walks in and sets a bottle of water on the table before exiting the room. I reached my arm out to grab the water resulting in my hoodie sleeve to slide up revealing a couple of my scars. I quickly grabbed the water and retreated hoping that Steve hadn’t seen but from the look on his face he definitely saw them. “How old are you?”

I looked up slightly before answering, “I’m 24.” He looked at me and I knew the question that he was burning to ask. Why were you at my fathers house? Sure enough the next words out of his mouth were, “Why were you there?” I played with the sleeve of my hoodie before taking a deep breath, “I live, lived there. Jo-your dad found me a couple months ago in an alley and noticed I was pretty banged up. He offered to help me and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” I watched as Steve smiled a reminiscent smile before continuing, “While he was cleaning the cut on my face he was questioning me, similarly to what you’re doing now, and offered me a place to stay when he found out I was living with an abusive boyfriend who wouldn’t let me do anything without beating me for it. I hesitated to agree, but he was nothing if not a persistent man. I finally agreed and ever since then I’ve been living with him. He helped me get a job as a waitress and I was even saving up money to get an apartment.” I suddenly stopped as I realized that I had nowhere to go now. Sure I had savings but only a few hundred dollars, not even close to enough to live on. I shook my head before running a hand through my hair revealing the scar that ran from my temple down to my cheekbone, curtesy of my abusive ass of a boyfriend, ex-boyfriend.

Steve watched me carefully before asking, “The scars, on your arms, are they self inflicted or..?” He kind of faded out but I answered him, “No they aren’t self inflicted. They look like it since my ex used a broken beer bottle to cut me when I tried to run away.”

Steve once again looked at me with sympathy before asking, “Where are going to go now?”

“I don’t know.”

He seemed to think about it for a second but he offered, “You can stay with me until you get on your feet. I’ll be staying at dads house.”

I choked back a sob before saying, “I don't think I can go back into that house, but thank you.”

He seemed to understand because he offered, “I can get you a room at a hotel close by if you would like.”

I looked at him surprised that he’s offering to rent me a room, but then again his father would have done the same. Before I can stop myself I agree and he offers to take me once we were done here.

I agree and he explains that I have to leave a statement of what I saw. I didn’t agree till Steve said he would stay with me. As I told Duke what happened I shook as I replayed what had happened. I started to have a panic attack when I felt Steve’s hand on my shoulder I glanced up at him as he threw Duke a look which told him to leave the room. After Duke hesitated he reluctantly left the room leaving me and Steve alone again. Steve pulled my chair out before crouching in front of me and grabbing my hands in a comforting manner before saying, “Y/N, it’s okay they aren’t here. You’re okay.”

I choked on a sob before saying, “I know I’m here, but he’s not. I watched him die Steve, the only person that ever treated me like somebody that mattered, was taken from me, and it’s not okay. I don’t know what to do and now that he’s gone I feel like I lost my purpose. For the last few months I took care of him, made sure he ate and sat around as he told stories about you and your sister Mary. Now, now I have nothing. I hate my job, I’m treated like shit by coworkers and the people I wait on. Steve I don’t have a father, he was the closest thing to one I’ve ever had and now I don’t have anyone.”

Steve pulled me into a hug and then pulled back to look in my eyes before saying, “No, you have me. My father took care of everyone that deserves to be taken care of and now that he’s gone it’s my job to take care of the people or in this case person he took care of.”

I wiped away a tear before making a decision, “I think I changed my mind, I think I want to stay with you if that’s okay.” He smiles before nodding, “ Yeah, it’s okay Y/N/N.” I smiled and said, “I like that. I haven’t had many nicknames that weren’t slut, whore, piece of shit, and things of the like.” “Well in that case I’ll be sure to supply you with many more.”

#steve mcgarrett x reader #steve mcgarrett #hawaii five oh #hawaii #hawaii five 0

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swiftietartt · 10 months

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fic rec friday fun!

rules: share the links to your wonderful words with the most hits/most kudos/most comments/most bookmarks/most words/least words

tagged by @honestlydarkprincess 🫶

most hits/most kudos

in case of emergency

The 118 discuss their "In Case of Emergency" contacts.

most comments

We’ll Carry It Off

Kevin Price is NOT valedictorian and he's well attuned to this fact. Studies show that participation in extracurricular activities are proven to raise grades and per Mrs. Brown's advice, Kevin auditions for the school musical. He has no faith in his talents, he can't dance and he doesn't know anyone. Should Kevin live to see himself cast in the musical, he'll need Thespian President, Connor McKinley, to show him the ropes. In a showy attempt to raise his grades, Kevin will learn more about himself and become more aware of the people around him as he is forced to learn who they are as people and not just as faces he passes in the hall or sits next to in class.

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break on through (to the other side)

Does it bother you that, like, we might win a championship right after you graduated?

Brenda’s words echo through Steve’s mind as Vecna’s clock chimes a fourth and final time.

Had it bothered Steve? Yeah, of course.

Maybe if they’d won a couple of games every now and then his parents would have come to see him play; but it was probably his fault they’d never won anyway, he couldn’t keep his feet planted, always in reverse, you know? like he’d told Nancy, ever since he was a baby scuttling backwards down the stairs.

In all of his years, Steve had never known a buzzer beater victory, and it seemed his luck was not about to change now.

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What Did You Think When You Made Me This Way?

By his father’s standards, Kevin was supposed to complete a successful two-year mission, and then follow in the footsteps of all the Price men before him at Brigham Young University, but his therapist attests it’d been a bit of an unmeetable quota all along and that Kevin can’t measure himself against what his brother’s have accomplished, because they’re not the same person.

least words

come on honey (tell me so)

Jamie follows up on the eyeful he’d given Roy prior to their 4AM training.

no pressure tagging @wherepoetswentodie, @roy-kents, @holdmygum, @morganofthefairies, @bigfootsmom, and @rainbowtartt 🫶

#ohhhhh #looking back on my years in the BoM fandom…#sometimes i miss it and yet #tag game #😵‍💫

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mzeken · 9 months

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“I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday” Jose N. Harris.

Image from Google (meme generator)

What once seemed impossible, and not for me, feels more tangible and right in front of my eyes these days. Me becoming an Occupational Therapist. This is a journey for me, and I am feeling every step of the way. Steve Maraboli once said the road to success is always under construction. Fasten your seat belt as I take you through my journey up until this far. I have always wanted to be something in the Health and Sciences profession, but I couldn’t figure out what until I overheard the title of OT.

In every classroom either in primary or high school there will always be a high-flyer. I overheard one from my matric class stating that she will be an OT if not a medical doctor. The title of being an OT fascinated me as I have never heard of such before and never knew that it existed in my town hospital, Ingwavuma Mosvold Hospital. I did not only end up applying for OT via CAO but getting to meet an interesting local OT. She explained to me what occupational therapy is and the areas under occupational therapy (geriatrics, pediatrics, psychiatry, general physical conditions, and medico-legal. Occupational therapy is defined in the OTPF as the therapeutic use of everyday life occupations with persons, and groups for the purpose of enhancing or enabling participation. I never knew what OT is until my first year. I knew the definition but didn’t understand the concept nor was I able to describe it to others and it all started making sense in my second year (https://carrieschmittotd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/AOTA-Occupational-Therapy-Practice-Framwork-OTPF-4th-edition.pdf.).

I did my first year in 2020, and there was the outbreak of covid which resulted in no longer having contact classes on campus but moving back home and adjusting to online learning. This was a hard time for me given the area I am from (connectivity issues, electricity problems. Basically, deep rural areas). With being unable to attend and do my work I ended up not passing all my modules as I was also not submitting on time. I got depressed as had my goals that after 4 years this degree must be put in motion and helping others. I did not even know about sites like SADAG (https://www.sadag.org/. ) that could have helped me cope with depression. Having to swallow the pill that my friends passed did not cause more only heartache but also negatively affected my self-esteem. If I knew what Occupational Therapists are capable of, I would have also seen one for myself for anxiety management and time management sessions. Sometimes I do get very anxious and depressed I use the skills that I was taught during lectures and have been sharing with others not only my patients on practicals but also family.

Time went by and did my second year, 2022 as during 2021 I was redoing the module I failed. Started going on practice putting the theory into practice. With the lecturer, helping friends, supervisors, and sites like OT rex on YouTube (at https://www.youtube.com/@OTRex) helped me understand what our focus as Ots is and how we also use activities as assessment tools and interventions. It made me realize that what is normal in me, my family, my culture, or my community may not be normal for others. This emphasized the importance of being open-minded, respectful, sympathetic with others, non-judgemental, and patient.

This journey has been a roller coaster for me. It does happen that you put in effort on your work and marks don’t reflect that, you are reminded of your failures. Then this calls one to go back to their drawing board and strategies. It is when you keep on pushing. We are no longer driven by the clock but the passion. Looking at the differences we can make in other people’s lives, we must keep on keeping on. Khalid once said, “You can do anything if you put your mind to it” Eastside. This time around I feel like I am closer to being a certified Occupational Therapist with no student at the end compared to 2020. I am standing on the edge. For more information on what occupational therapists do please visit this page: (https://www.aota.org/-/media/corporate/files/advocacy/state/resources/practiceact/ot-definition-for-aota-model-practice-act.pdf. )

{Total Number of words: 696}

#ot3 #otinmaking #closerthanyesterday

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cjsinkythoughts · 3 years

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Rocks, Shoulders, and Ears

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3501

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Major Angst in this one, guys, Loads of Feels (sorry not sorry), John Walker being a douche (I really don’t like the guy)

A/N: I’m SO SORRY! I promise I was planning on it being shorter, but I went a little overkill with the angst! There’s just so many feelings and not enough space in my heart and soul, so I had to pour them out here! You get to see more of Reader and Sam’s relationship in this one and there’s major Bucky Feels towards the end (in my defense, this is based on the Couples Therapy half of the episode).

I’m really hoping we get to see Bucky go to Louisiana next episode! I’m holding out for it! I have a few ideas that include Sarah, but I need the episode! Ugh! Now we have to wait a whole ‘nother week! I really shouldn’t write three chapters on one episode in one day. I just couldn’t help myself!

Anyways! Please enjoy this part and thank you so much for all your support! Seriously, it’s meant so much to me, especially after the week I’ve had! If you haven’t checked out the previous parts, my FATWS Series Masterlist is HERE, so please go read those first. Like always, this isn’t beta’d so please excuse any mistakes! Enjoy, babes!

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

The last thing you remembered was falling asleep in Bucky’s arms after walking a few miles. And a hospital in DC wasn’t exactly what you preferred waking up to, but it’s what happened. Turned out, not only was your shoulder dislocated and your thigh was strained, but you had a mild concussion. Your arm was in a sling and your palm, which you had completely forgotten about after you wrapped it while on Bucky’s back, was wrapped properly. Luckily, your thigh wasn’t too bad, but they wanted to put you on crutches, which you refused immediately.

You had to get out of that building. You had no idea where the guys went, which was weird because you were sure they’d never leave you alone. Especially in a hospital.

You quickly snuck your way through the halls after grabbing your bag which - thank God - was left on the seat besides your bed and changing into an extra pair of clothes.

You tried calling Bucky’s phone, the one he had specifically for you, which he always always answered. He even made an excuse to go to the bathroom once when you accidentally called in the middle of a therapy session. Nothing. You called the number four times before trying Sam’s phone.

It clicked on the first try.

“Hey. Listen, sorry for leaving-”

“Where the hell are you?”

You heard him sigh. “I was just about to explain, so hang on a second there. You weren’t waking up, probably because that concussion you forgot to mention to us-”

“In my defense, I didn’t know.”

“Sure you didn’t.” You rolled your eyes, throwing your free hand up, exasperated. “Anyways, Bucky wanted me to meet someone, we’ll talk about that when you inevitably get here, put we had a bit of trouble and Bucky was arrested-”

“What?!”

“Chill your pants, Y/L/N. Just listen. We’re in Baltimore. I’ll text you the address. Get here soon and I’ll explain the whole thing. We’ve been here for a couple hours, but there’s people on their way and we’re getting everything situated right now.”

“Okay. Fine. But you’re in trouble.”

“Don’t I know it, babe. Now hurry your cute little ass here. We’ve got stuff to talk about.”

*****************

The ride from DC to Baltimore is usually an hour or so, but you’ve got resources, especially in the nation’s capital, and riding the bike you got, being able to go way over the speed limit? You got there in half the time. Being an Avenger really does have its perks.

The moment you got there, you hopped off the bike, not even bothering to turn it off, and stormed into the precinct. You headed straight over to the desk, but a pair of hands caught you by your uninjured arm before you could make a scene.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Sam spoke softly, squeezing your bicep gently. “He’s okay, alright?”

“Why is he-”

“He missed his court-mandated therapy session.” Sam informed you, pulling you over to where he had been sitting previously. “There was a warrant out for his arrest. They had to bring him in, but it’s fine. His therapist’s been contacted. She should be here any minute to get him out.”

Your head fell back at his words. His therapy. How could you forget? You let Bucky complain to you about it and played along sometimes, but you really did think it was good for him and you tried supporting him. Yet you made him miss it and now he’s in trouble.

“Hey. Y/N. Look at me.” You found Sam’s worried eyes, his hand coming up to hold the side of your neck. “He’s okay. He’ll be out in just a bit. It’s fine.”

“It’s my fault, Sam.”

“No. It’s not. He’s a grown ass man who made the decision to skip.”

You shook your head, holding his wrist for something to anchor you down. “No, Sammy. I brought him along. I should’ve been more responsible-”

“I know we’ve joked around about you being in charge and stuff, but…you know it’s not all on your shoulders, right?” Sam tilted his head slightly, eyebrow pinched in confusion making his eyes narrow.

You turned your head, not wanting to look at him. You didn’t need another set of deep eyes to fall into. “Sammy…I promised him I’d look after you.”

“I know. And that’s fine. But looking after us - looking after him - doesn’t mean you have to be there to hold his hand and take the fall for him. He’s not a child. Hell, he’s a hundred years old. Tell me you understand that.”

Licking your lips, you closed your eyes and shook your head again. “I-I can’t-”

“Is that why you’re obsessed with finding Wanda?”

You frowned at his question, eyes snapping to his. “I’m worried about her, Sam.”

“I am too, but she can handle herself. And if she doesn’t want to be found, you have to let her be. I know the Avengers were your only family. I know how much Steve meant to you-”

“No.” You pulled away rather harshly, digging your nails into your palms, trying not to cry, ignoring the wound you were irritating. “No, you don’t. How could you understand my feelings for Steve when I don’t understand them myself?”

Sam always had this ability to make anyone feel important, just by looking them in the eye. It was something you always admired about him; the way his smile could light up a room, those warm eyes making everyone’s fears go away. They reminded you of hot chocolate. Something that could soothe your worries, comfort you, warm your very soul from the ice tragedy and heartache tend to big on.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry in front of people, but with the way he was looking at you, it was hard to keep the tears from slipping.

“You loved him, Y/N. Why is it so hard for you to see that?”

“I didn’t - I wasn’t in love with him, Sam.” You argued, wiping your cheeks aggressively and turning, crossing your arms defensively.

“What do you call it then?”

It was a rhetorical question, Sam copying your movements and sitting straight to watch for Bucky coming out. A rhetorical question that you didn’t know the answer to. Because you weren’t in love with Steve. No. Maybe you had been, but somewhere along the way he passed your heart to Bucky. So why did it hurt so bad?

You refused to dwell on it anymore, clearing your throat and dabbing at your eyes one more time before changing the topic. “Why are we in Baltimore?”

“Bucky wanted me to meet someone. Isaiah. You know him?” Sam turned back to you, his warm eyes shifting into something else. Suspicion? A bit of anger? Annoyance? You couldn’t tell.

“Isaiah? I don’t think I know any Isaiahs. And definitely not here. Why? Who is he?”

Sam shook his head, eyes darting around the lobby. “We’ll talk about it later.”

You nodded, although now your curiosity had peaked and you wondered who this guy was that made Sam so agitated. While you waited, you felt your eyes drooping and you let your head fall onto Sam’s shoulder, who chuckled.

“You’re still tired? You know you slept for, like, twelve hours, right?”

“I haven’t been sleeping much.”

Sam turned his head to kiss yours. “Y/N, I know you want to care for everyone, but you’ve gotta take care of yourself too.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” And with that, the subject dropped, Sam pulling out his phone while you rested your eyes.

It was another ten minutes or so before Sam’s name was called and the both of you stood up to greet the speaker. A woman, Dr. Raynor. Bucky’s infamous therapist.

And speaking of infamous. The moment you heard his voice, you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping it was just your brain malfunctioning. And then he was walking towards you, calling Bucky ‘Bucky’ like they were old pals and he was saving him from something terrible.

Your face scrunched up as Walker talked about stopping Bucky’s regular therapy sessions. “He’s too valuable of an asset to have him tied up-”

“Don’t call him an asset.” You snapped. “He’s a human being with needs, and therapy-”

“He’s a super soldier with skills that we need.” Walker cut in, making you scowl as he turned back to Raynor.

You scoffed in disbelief at his words, turning on your heel and walking away before he did, heading straight for Bucky, who lifted his right arm, wrapping it around your shoulders once you were close enough.

“Are you okay?” You whispered, closing your eyes and trying to relax in his hold, breathing him in.

“Are you? Should you be walking? What did-”

You shook your head. “I’m fine.”

“Really?”

“Promise.” You sighed out with a nod, squeezing him once more before pulling back as Raynor stepped forwards, ordering Bucky and Sam to do a session with her. You almost laughed when Sam tried refusing, a little chuckle actually leaving your lips when Bucky slumped, dragging his feet like a kid going to the principal’s office.

You followed, Bucky holding the door open for you. “Thanks, Buck.”

“Of course, doll.” He gave a small smile, before walking in after you, Sam letting out a, “hey!” when Bucky shut the door on him, making you roll your eyes. You let the corners of your mouth tick up slightly in amusement. Yes, they annoyed the hell out of you, but you had to admit it was pretty funny sometimes.

“I believe I asked for James and Sam, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“It’s Agent, actually, and I think I’m gonna sit in.”

Raynor narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think-”

“That wasn’t a request.” You threw her words to Sam back at her, making Sam smirk. You shot him a wink as she relented with a sigh.

“Fine. Just as a spectator. Don't interrupt.”

You raise your hands in surrender, slipping around the table to stand in the corner as your fellas sank down into the seats across the table from her.

A small puff of laughter came from you at the lack of response when she asked one of them to start. She shot you a warning look over her shoulder, but you shrugged. You couldn’t help it; it was like all those times back in grade school when a teacher asked for a volunteer to read in a classroom full of rowdy kids and crickets followed.

Once she mentioned the next exercise was used for couples, you had to laugh, making both men shoot you begging pouts.

“Y/N.” Raynor glared at you, so you controlled yourself, gesturing for her to continue.

Her miracle question did work so well, neither of them cooperating well.

She didn’t even bother with you when you started cackling after she mentioned the “soul-gazing exercise” and Bucky thanked her, Sam commenting that he would like this one. You gave a teasing wolf-whistle when they got close, one of Bucky’s thighs between Sam’s and vice versa.

“Doll.” Bucky whined at you.

“Listen here, smartass-”

Raynor cleared her throat, cutting Sam off from finishing his statement towards you. You leaned back against the wall, crossing your arms with a smirk. After all the bickering and side taking they’ve put her through, letting you enjoy this was the least they could do, and they knew it.

Of course, this exercise didn’t work out either. A staring contest. Children. She was best friends with literal children.

But then something happened. Something you never thought would happen. Raynor asked Bucky why Sam aggravated him, and Bucky looked over to you, his eye growing sad in a way they only did when Steve was involved.

“Steve believed in you.” Bucky told him earnestly. “He trusted you. He gave you that shield for a reason. That shield? That is…that is everything he stood for. That is his legacy. He gave you that shield, and you threw it away like it was nothing. So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me.”

You heard his voice crack a little at the end as he slumped down in his seat, you jaw dropping slightly. You listened to the rest of the conversation, catching the way Sam grew irritated again, something that you didn’t previously think was possible, but was happening more and more now.

Why wasn’t Sam talking to you? Why was he holding all this in suddenly? And why…Bucky…he didn’t tell you that. Why didn’t he say anything? How could he ever feel…

But you knew how he could feel like that. Yes, Steve believed in him so much that he tore the Avengers apart for him…but he was the only one willing to do that for him. Yeah, you and Sam and Wanda and Clint, you all joined their side but, being honest, it wasn’t because you believed in Bucky. It was because you believed in Steve. Of course, it was different now. You believed in Bucky with your entire being, and you believed in Sam with your heart and soul, but…did either of them know that? Did they believe you when you told them? Or did you not tell them enough? This whole time you thought you were doing right by Steve - trying you damn hardest to watch out for them. But it obviously wasn’t enough. And that was on you, no matter what Sam said.

You read people. That’s what you’ve always done, that’s what you’d always do. It was the reason you earned your spot on the team. You read people and situations and could figure your way into their heads in a second. Years and years of undercover work taught you how to do that and how to protect yourself while doing so.

So why? How? How did you miss something this big? How did you miss the way Sam was holding onto something? Why did you ignore the vexation in his tone for the last couple weeks? How did you miss that Bucky was hurting that deeply? Why didn’t you do anything more for him?

You left the room before either of the boys, but you heard Sam standing up as you walked out the door.

You should’ve known you weren’t the only one holding things in. Of course they were. The difference is, you were supposed to be their rock, the thing they could hold onto to ground themselves, the shoulder for them to cry on, and the ear lent to them whenever they needed someone to listen. That was your job. It wasn’t their job. Not for you. Your rock - your shoulder, your ear - he left you. And you thought, after all he did for you, if you just returned the favor for his best friends, you’d…you dunno. You’d be closer to him, maybe.

But you couldn’t. Because you weren’t Steve Rogers. And you knew that from the start, but you had to try. You tried. And it wasn’t working. He made it seem so easy when he did it for you. Clearly you didn’t give him enough credit for dealing with all your shit on top of his own.

“Doll.” You didn’t stop walking, needing to get outside for some fresh air. “Doll, hold on. Wait a minute.”

He grabbed your arm as you made it outside, spinning you to face him. “You didn’t tell me.” You spoke quietly, your voice fragile as you stared at him, confusion and hurt in your eyes. Were you really that bad at doing your job? Did you really already fail him? He asked you to do one thing…

“I didn’t…I didn’t want you to deal with my problems.” You opened your mouth, but he shook his head, holding your face between his hands. “I’m not stupid, Y/N. I know something’s going on with you. You’re good at hiding your nightmares at night, but I’m better. You’re jumpier than usual. Quieter. Every time Wanda’s brought up, you turn away. And the other day? On the truck? You froze. I was watching, doll. It was just a second, but you froze. You never freeze.”

“It’s not your job to worry about me, Buck-”

He frowned, tilting his head. “Not my job? Aren’t we friends? Isn’t that what friends do? Or am I just a job to you? I know you promised him to look after me. Is that all I am to you? A responsibility?”

You shook your head vigorously, holding onto his wrists. “No. No, Bucky, I just-”

“Do you think he was wrong about me?”

Salty diamonds ran down your cheeks as you clenched your eyes shut and shook your head. “No.”

“Did you ever believe in me? Did you ever care or was it all just because Steve? Is Steve the only reason you tolerate me?”

“Don’t say that. God, please don’t say that.” You begged quietly, meeting his gaze again. Every beautiful detail was laced with devastation, eyes imploring her to make him feel better. “Of course I believe in you. I have since Wakanda, you know that. Yes, okay, maybe Steve is why I helped you at first, but-but…I care about you, James. So much so that it hurts sometimes. He wasn’t wrong about you. Or Sammy. You both mean so much to me. Okay?”

You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly, nodding slightly. You both simultaneously moved to get closer, him pulling you while you stepped into his chest, arms around his waist. His arms were tight around your shoulder, holding you just as firm as the kiss he planted on your forehead.

Sam came out, planting himself besides you as you pulled away, Bucky wiping your eyes. “I feel better.” He huffed out sarcastically, making you smack him in the arm. “Ow! Yeesh. Women these days.”

The sudden siren of one of the parked police cars made the three of you look over, spotting Walker and Hoskins. You groaned. “Did he see that?”

“Hey,” Bucky caught your jaw between his fingers, shaking his head. “Who cares? It’s between us and us only. Right?” You nodded, making him kiss your forehead again, a whisper of “attagirl” against your skin. You hadn’t heard that from him in a while.

“Gentlemen!” Walker waved them over, nodding at you. “And lady.” The three of you reluctantly walked over, Bucky going to lean on the police car Walker and Hoskins were near and you hopped up to sit on the hood of the police car across from them, Sam besides you.

You got information from Walker, who was once again trying to get you to work with him, but Sam summed it up nicely, explaining that the three of you didn’t have to follow the rules he did. You started to leave, Bucky tucking you under his arms once you slid off the car, when Walker stopped you once more.

“A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”

You grumbled under your breath as the faker and his lapdog walked off. “I’m gonna kill him.” You vowed as the three of you started in the other direction. “I swear to God, I’m gonna rip that shield off his back and use it to beat him in that stupid face of his-”

“Down, girl.” Sam jested, flicking your ear. “We need a game plan. What’re we thinking?”

Your eyes narrowed as Bucky piped up, talking about the Isaiah character - who you still didn’t know - before HYDRA entered the equation.

“Absolutely not.” You shook your head, tugging his arm to make him stop once he mentioned Siberia. “Do you remember Siberia? Because if you’re actually suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, we remember Siberia very differently.”

“He’s our best bet-”

“So you’re just going to go sit in a room with this guy?”

Bucky scrunched up his nose. “Ye-yes…”

A beat of silence passed before Sam gave his stamp of approval, but you still disagreed. “There’s no way this’ll end well and I refuse to let you-”

You found your face between Bucky’s hands again. You really wished he’d stop doing that and just ask for your attention. You didn’t mean that, of course. You’d be held by him every second of every day if you could. “Don’t you trust me, doll?”

You licked your lips, looking around the darkened street. This was not a good idea. A bad plan - a terrible plan, really - but, unfortunately, it was the only one you had. “Dammit. I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.” You finally sighed, running a hand through your hair after Bucky let go of you, his eyebrow quirking.

“Is that a yes?”

Sam nodded. “We’re gonna go see Zemo.”

You tugged Bucky’s hand when he nodded back and went to walk after Sam, who started walking around the corner, making him stop. “And yes. I do trust you. With everything I have, Buckaroo.”

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fortuositywritings · 3 years

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Part 1 Wanda x Reader

Summary: You bump into Wanda Maximoff at a grocery store. Wouldn’t be a problem if either of you were anyone else but you two were no ordinary people.

You would think having the ability to take anyone’s power would be awesome. It’s not.

With a simple touch, you could take any person with special abilities’ special powers from them. You figured this out in grade school when you high-fived one of your friends for the first time. Suddenly you could see through walls. That same year, you figured out they could take those powers back.

A few years later you found out they could only take those powers back if they wanted them. You tried giving someone their invisibility back but they would not have it. Now you are stuck with it. You are stuck with a few others too, like walking through walls and mimicking voices. Those you got from random strangers on the street.

Obviously, you tried to give them back. You wouldn’t take what isn’t yours, but it was an impossible task. Finding a stranger you bumped into in New York is kind of hard.

You’ve tried passing off powers to other people but it never worked. You could only return them to the person who gave them to you. To give them back, all you had to do was touch them again and they had to want the powers back. It was that simple.

So when you bump into Wanda Maximoff at the grocery store, things get a little complicated.

You’ve made a friend recently who turns out to be Sokovian. Seeing as his birthday is coming up, you thought it would be cool to cook him a traditional Sokovian meal. A few searches on Google and you print out a list of what you need.

You leave to the nearest store that would have all you need. You check off your list, heading toward the aisle of spices. You finally find the one the recipe calls for and lucky for you, it’s the last one. You reach for it but you feel someone else’s hand touching yours, reaching for the same thing.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says. You look at the woman who is standing really close to you for a stranger. She has intense green eyes, you notice. She pulls her hand away.

“It’s alright,” you say.

“Was that the last one?” she asks, awkwardly.

“It seems so,” you confirm. “But we can ask an employee if they have more somewhere?”

You flag down an employee two aisles down and ask. They shake their head and then tell you they won’t be getting more until next week. The woman with the green eyes sighs.

“We can split it,” you suggest. “I don’t need the whole thing. At least I don’t think so? I just need it to make a Sokovian dish that calls for it. I probably won’t be using it for anything else.”

“I don’t know. Sokovian food is delicious if I may say so. You’ll get a taste and might regret sharing this with a stranger,” she teases.

You smile and ask, “Oh, are you Sokovian?”

She nods and you add, “Well, then I insist on sharing it with you. Maybe you can actually give me a few tips on this recipe?”

“What are you making?” she asks you. You show her the recipe on your phone and she kindly shares some of her expertise which you’re grateful for. She follows you around the store making conversation as you grab the rest of what you need. Technically, you follow her around as she suggests you other stuff to add to the recipe.

You add a mini mason jar to your cart. You both head to pay and outside pour some of the spice into your mason jar and give her the rest of the bottle. You thank her for all the help and wish her a great day.

Wanda gets back to the tower in a positive mood. Everyone notices and asks her what happened. She replies that she just had a nice interaction with a stranger and it made her day.

Though her day was made, the rest of her week was hell. She doesn’t know what is wrong with her. Her powers have been failing her. She doesn’t understand. At first she thinks it’s just the more difficult things she can’t do but then she notices how no one’s thoughts appear in her head. It’s quiet. She only hears her own.

Something was definitely wrong.

You thought you were imagining things but after guessing what your friends’ were thinking for the umpteenth time, you knew you had taken someone else’s power.

You don’t think it’s too bad at first. Only your friends’ heavy thoughts made their way into your head. Unfortunately, some of those thoughts you can never unhear again.

The problem comes when you go to the library for the first time with this new power. The library is hell. It’s full of people who are just thinking loudly. See in public, there are people who are thinking loudly of course, but there are more people distracted and speaking without thinking, which you never thought you would be so grateful for.

You don’t last in the library for very long. So libraries are on your list of places to avoid. Soon, movie theaters are also on that list and then so are museums. Any place where people are meant to be quiet is where it’s loudest in your head.

You wish you knew who you touched to get these powers. You begin to think back at everyone the past few weeks that you might have had direct contact with. A hand you shook or an arm you bumped into. You’ve always been cautious about your surroundings so these things wouldn’t happen.

Everyone you greeted at your Sokovian friend’s party you’ve greeted before. No one was new there. The Sokovian at the store!

Damn it. You never got her name or anything. Maybe you’ll encounter her at the store again. The next few days, you spend hours at the same store. People begin to think you’re an employee and you almost feel like one, knowing exactly where everything is from spending so much time there.

You’ve even made plans with one employee to go hangout. But no green eyed Sokovian makes an appearance.

Three weeks you have this power when you find that not only can you read people’s thoughts, but you hold things without actually touching them. It happens when you drop something in the kitchen. You reach for it to catch it before it hits the floor but it’s nowhere near your grasp. However, it never hits the floor.

You then notice a red mist-like substance coming from your hands floating in the direction of the object. You see that it’s holding it up. After that, you start practicing with random things around your apartment. You begin with lighter things, thinking you would only be able to hold weight that you could in your actual arms, but it is not so.

You work your way up to lifting your car in the air and in that same moment you learn you could do multiple things like lifting your car and replacing the flat tire.

Two months with these abilities and you feel you start getting the hang of it. You still can’t go to the library. You’ve tried again but the voices are too loud. You still go to the store where you met the woman that unintentionally gifted you these powers to try and return them. She seemed like a decent person and you don’t know what she used these powers for. Maybe she needs them.

You still have yet to find her.

Wanda hasn’t been on a mission in three months. Instead, Bruce has been poking and prodding her with needles and running countless tests trying to figure out what happened with her powers. Three weeks ago she began to go to a therapist because Steve thought it might be a mental block of some sort that she had to work through.

Though therapy was doing wonders for her, they weren’t getting her anywhere near having her powers back. Bruce’s tests weren’t helpful either. She’s been stuck in the tower for three months and her days have never felt so repetitive until now- train, go to therapy, undergo tests. Rinse and repeat.

The media had begun to notice as well. She turns to another TV channel where the news anchor asks “Where is Wanda Maximoff?” as if she’s disappeared from the face of the earth. In a way she has.

Fortunately for her, you are watching that same channel. You are cooking dinner and have the television channel on for background noise. You hear them talking about the Avengers. They’ve never been of much interest to you, although they should be seeing as though you live in the same city and something is always going down here because of that reason.

“For those who have been living under a rock,” the new anchor starts, “Wanda Maximoff is one of the newer additions to the Avengers.”

“She’s the one with the red magic, isn’t she?” the co-anchor asks. That grabs your attention. You turn to look at the screen. “That’s right. She joined about a year ago after the fall of Sokovia.”

That had to be a coincidence, right?

“She hasn’t been reported to be on any missions the last three months,” the reporter continues. That definitely couldn’t be a coincidence, you think, counting back the time you’ve attained these powers.

“Here is a clip of Maximoff using her magic to save diplomats at the embassy five months ago when…” You don’t hear the rest as you watch the clip play.

It’s the green eyed Sokovian who helped you out at the market. Your suspicions about it being her who had these powers were correct. You just didn’t think you took powers from an Avenger. Someone who definitely needs these powers to do her job and save people like the clip shows. Shit.

You smell the food you’re cooking burning.

“Shit!”

Wanda pounds her hand on the mat. Sweat clings onto her shirt. She’s tired and out of breath.

“Again,” Nat commands. Wanda huffs and stands up, getting back into her fighting pose. She takes a swing that the Black Widow easily dodges. Not two moves later, she hits the mat again.

“Again,” Nat repeats.

“Natasha, give the kid a break,” Steve says, watching from the side.

“It’s okay,” Wanda assures him.

Natasha explains, “If therapy and tests aren’t working, maybe self defense will.”

Steve seems doubtful but allows it. They really need Wanda to work through whatever is blocking her from using her powers. He winces seeing Wanda hit the mat.

“Again.”

“I’ve told you for the millionth time. My name is Y/N L/N and I need to speak to Wanda Maximoff. Or any of the Avengers, really. Or even one of their assistants or something. It’s vital,” you try helplessly.

“Unless you have clearance, I can’t let you up,” the guy at the desk says to you for what feels like the hundredth time. You’ve been coming in the past few days trying to get someone to let you see Wanda.

“Look, it’s really important. Can’t you, like, give her a message or something?” You’re desperate at this point. He laughs.

“Ah, yes, let me just text her real quick. ‘hey Wanda. It’s that one guy you said hello to once downstairs. There’s some girl here that needs to talk to you’,” he acts out sarcastically, which you do not find amusing.

“Listen, buddy. If you do me this favor and get your boss or whoever can give me clearance to see her, I promise she’ll be so grateful for you helping me get to her that she’ll come and thank you herself,” you vow.

“I can’t help you, Miss. Now please go or I’ll have to call security,” he warns.

You rub your temple in frustration. “Fine. There’s no need for that...Michael,” you read his name. “I’m going.”

You turn around as if to head for the door but then do a 180 and sprint past a security guard who shouts at you to stop. You make your way for the elevators as the security guard runs after you. You press the button for the elevators but you notice they’re nowhere near the ground floor.

The security catches up to you and in panic, you push him away with Wanda’s powers. He goes sliding across the floor and you bolt for the stairs.

You don’t even know which floor you would find Wanda in but you assume it would be somewhere up top. You begin your ascend. You reach the fourth floor and realize you should start using the StairMaster at the gym. You hear multiple security guards quickly making their way to you. You panic and walk through the wall, not knowing what was on the other side.

You’re in some kind of engineering lab. You don’t think anyone saw you walk through the wall, so you try to act casual and stroll through the lab trying to find an exit. Then you hear someone call you. “Hey, you.”

You ignore them and act like you didn’t hear. They tell you to stop walking, loud enough that you can’t ignore it. You turn around to see a woman in a lab coat. She asks, “You’re not allowed on this floor. Who let you up here?”

“Oh, uh. Michael sent me,” you lie. “Sorry, I’m new. I must have gotten off on the wrong floor. Maybe you could help me find my way?”

“Where are you meant to be working?” she inquires and you’re stuck not knowing anything about the Stark Tower or Avengers Tower, whatever it’s called.

“The lab,” you say. Your vague answer obviously creates another question. “What lab?”

“They haven’t told me yet? I’m not actually working in the labs. I’m doing more secretarial duties, taking notes and scheduling stuff.”

“For whom?” she asks, narrowing her eyes at you. You can feel her catching onto you and it’s the only reason why you try this.

“For the big guy, obviously,” you say and then focus really hard trying to read her mind, hoping that a name will pop up in her head. Did Bruce get an assistant? You smile. “Bruce.”

“Well then you are way off. He’s usually working on the 87th floor,” she tells you.

“Well, thank god there’s an elevator,” you chuckle nervously, pointing behind you. “Well, I should get going before I’m any later. You turn around confidently but as you walk away she stops you once more. You think you got caught but she says, “Elevators are that way.”

She points to the opposite way you came from. You laugh to play off your mistake, “Duh. Sorry, the lab is so big. Thanks.”

You head the right way. You speed walk to the elevators and then jog when you hear a rougher voice telling you to stop. “She’s on the fourth floor.”

You assume they spoke into their walkie, and you know you don't have much time before they catch you. You think quickly. You can’t make your way to the elevator because then obviously they’ll just stop the elevators. You don’t want to walk through a wall; the dangers of that are extreme given this is Stark Tower. You could accidentally walk into an ongoing experiment.

You had to hide. And suddenly, you had the perfect plan.

The security guard runs to you. He thinks you’re running for the elevator but then you turn before you get there. He sees you dive behind some clunky machine, presumably to hide behind. You clearly never have won a game of hide and seek in your life, he thinks as he goes around the machine to catch you.

He’s left utterly confused when you aren’t there. The only trace of you are your clothes down to underwear on the floor. Four other guards make it to the floor. One asks him, “Where is she?”

He doesn’t know how to answer. “She was right here. Search the floor. She’s hiding and I think she’s naked.”

They disperse taking your clothes with them. You let out a breath of relief at not getting caught but then mentally curse that they took your clothes. You still haven’t learned how to make other things invisible yet. You never really used this power. Maybe you should start practicing.

You hustle your naked ass to the elevators, feeling incredibly exposed even though you know no one can actually see you. You press the elevator button and wait impatiently. It dings and opens.

“The elevators!” You hear one of the guards yell. Two run your way as you step into the car. You put all your energy into staying invisible. It would be really awkward if you were suddenly exposed. You hold your breath when one of them looks in the elevator. You keep yourself in the corner furthest away from them. In their eyes, there is no one in the elevator.

“She’s not here.” They leave and the doors close. You click the button for the 87th floor.

____________________________________________________

This will probably have 3 parts.

#wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you

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corpsekiller · 2 years

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𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧 — 𝐛.𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x genderneutral!reader

Warnings: A little angst with a happy ending, fighting, language

Summary: Bucky moves into a new apartment in Brooklyn and isolates himself again, so you decide to knock on his door and see how he is doing. However, he isn't as welcoming as you imagined.

A/N: My new year’s resolution was to write more and I already fucked up, but at least I started this year with a fanfic about the one and only Bucky Barnes. I hope you’re all doing well and survived 2021 just to do this shit all over again <3 If we suffer, then we suffer together.

Word count: 1.752 words

MASTERLIST

Never have you seen someone look so lost in their own home before.

A thin blanket is spread over the cold floor in an attempt to cushion his tired body at night and the empty packages of various sleeping pills sitting beside two bottles of water are evidence of his restless mind. There’s barely any furniture and no decoration that could have made his lonely apartment appear more like home. If anyone asked you, it seems as if no one has lived in here for a couple of years. Though you know, that isn’t quite true.

Bucky moved into this building two months ago, if you remember correctly. He told you about it over a cup of coffee in your kitchen after Steve had passed away, cynically muttered about wanting to be left alone and unbothered as if the mere thought of having to deal with people would bring him to his grave. While that was just typical for a man like him —

Perhaps it was simply a trick of the lighting, but for a moment you caught a glimpse of fear in his gaze until he suddenly turned his head and stared at his hands instead.

That day was the last tie you saw him before he vanished without a trace. No messages, no calls, not even a stupid mail or an old-fashioned letter that might have been his preferred style of communication, just awful silence. You tried to wait for him, hoped for the smallest sign of life, yet the worries you already conceived for him only grew steadily until you couldn’t take it anymore. Taking matters into your own hands, you started your research of his whereabouts — contacting Sam was the first step, but as it turned out he was just as clueless as you were. So, the drastic measures you took next were contacting his court-appointed therapist, the only living person who could possibly have contact with him.

You were right.

Now that you’ve come to think about it, your actions might have been a little impulsive and unceremonious. He probably has a good reason for isolating himself like this and practically interrogating his only other friend and his therapist to find his address and knock on his door without dropping a warning surely crosses the line. Hopefully, he accepts your apology. If he lets you speak, that is.

It’s too late anyway.

Bucky Barnes looks like a deer caught in headlights. He’s standing in his doorway, only dressed in a pair of sweats that hang dangerously low on his hips and a wrinkled shirt, so utterly confused by your sudden appearance that he doesn’t get a word out of his open mouth.

“Can I come in?” You ask reluctantly, after another minute of blankly staring at him. That seems to snap him out of his petrified state. His features harden, the furrow between his dark brows becomes more prominent and his lips curve into a soft frown as he sighs, exhausted and shakily before he begrudgingly moves aside to let you in and shuts the door behind your back the second your shoes hi the carpet in his hallway. “Thanks.”

“What are you doing here?”

Bucky is blunt as always. Arms crossed over his chest, he pushes past you and opens the kitchen cabinet to grab a glass, purposefully ignoring your presence trailing after him. Politeness has never been one of his strong suits, but you thought that after a year of knowing you, he’d be more welcoming.

Well, seems like you were wrong.

“I wanted to see how you’re holding up,” you reply truthfully and give him a timid smile as you turn and look around. Once again, the makeshift bed on the floor catches your gaze. It must be hard for him to live in this new sense of freedom after decades of torture and mind control, locked in a prison Hydra created in his head — he doesn’t even know how to handle this newly won life full of opportunities after everything he’s endured. You can only imagine how overwhelmed Bucky must feel and as much as you wish you could be of assistance, there’s nothing you can possibly do if he doesn’t open up and talk to you.

“Why?” Bucky scoffs and hits you with a deathly glaring, staring at you over the rim of his glass as if his thoughts alone could make you disappear into thin air. Much to his dismay, that isn’t the case and after a few minutes of wordlessly frowning at you, you’re still standing in his kitchen. Still, a part of him doesn’t have the heart to throw you out of his home, because.. well, because he likes you. “I don’t recall inviting you and I’m definitely not a fan of you barging into my apartment like this.”

“I was worried about you, Bucky. You completely ignored me for nearly two months, so I spontaneously decided to visit,” you retort, visibly irritated and disappointed. Your expectations weren’t particularly high before you appeared on his doorstep and in the back of your mind you already made up different scenarios and predicted how he would react, but this certainly surpasses your imagination. “I thought we were friends.”

Your voice carries a spark of hope. His shoulders tense and for a second, he seems to be thinking about your words and the time he spent with you, considers the moments of peace he had whenever you invited him for coffee in your own home. Maybe he isn’t as uncaring as he acts, maybe he secretly appreciates your efforts to get to know him and close the gap between the two of you, but then he crushes that flickering dream of a possible friendship in a matter of seconds.

“No,” he grunts repellently and rolls his eyes, emptying the water he’s been holding in a gulp. The black vibranium of his arm glints in the dim sunlight that fights its way through his curtains as he pushes his glass over the counter and presses his lips into a thin line. “No, we’re not.”

Your stomach drops. It’s not as beautiful as a crystal shattering on the floor in a million broken pieces, it’s not as pretty as the books you read always said it is. No, instead it feels like you’re suddenly plunged in icy water and your face burns with the scathing cold that envelopes your body and drags you deeper into the depths of heartache.

Then, anger comes.

“Fine,” you snap after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Turning on your heels, you move past him, roughly bumping into his shoulder while crossing the room to reach the door. A hand comes up to rest on the doorknob, then you hesitate for whatever reason, only to turn back at him and seethe. “I apologize for the disturbance, I thought you actually gave a fuck about me, but it seems like I was wrong.”

And with that, you leave.

To your surprise, it doesn’t take longer than two minutes to hear Bucky call out for you. He’s followed you through the hallway and down the stairs, catching up to you with ease and now putting himself between you and the exit. “Y/N, I’m sorry—”

“Move out of the way, Barnes.”

“No. I won’t move until you listen to me,” he shrugs and leans against the doorway, firmly hindering you to move around him and slip out of the building. Muscles bulge under the flimsy fabric of his shirt when he crosses his arms over his chest and arches a brow, nearly challenging you to wipe the smug look right off his attractive face. There he is, the lady’s man from the 40s you heard so much about when you asked Steve about him once, a glimpse of his old persona coming to the surface in the middle of a heated discussion with you.

Still, you refuse to back down after he treated you like shit merely five minutes ago.

“Not a chance. I don’t care about your stupid apology.”

“Now you’re just being stubborn and childish,” he argues and rolls his eyes at your statement as if he’ isn’t acting just as immature as you. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings and you’re right, we are friends. It’s just—”

There’s a small part of you that tells you that maybe, maybe you’re overreacting. People make mistakes and this situation, the new apartment, Steve’s death, certainly must be a nightmare for him, but that doesn’t give Bucky the right to be an asshole to you.

“Are you even listening to me? I told you I don’t care about—”

You’re cut off by a kiss and you’d be offended by the audacity of this man standing in front of you if your heart didn’t skip a beat in your chest as his thumb runs over your cheek and his lips move against yours, desperate to taste you in a rush of adrenaline and recklessness. You should pull away, you really should, but then his tongue slips into your mouth and you claw at his shirt for support, because you fear your knees won’t be able to carry your body any longer.

Your vision is blurry and your chest heaves as you both break away, lips swollen and cheeks heated, head still dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the force he kissed you with. A hand settles on your waist to keep you steady on your feet and when you finally gather the courage to look at him, he wears a triumphant grin that makes you flush even deeper than before.

“Apology accepted,” you mutter and roll your eyes when he moves to lean into another kiss. Still, you throw your arms over his broad shoulders and pull him closer until your lips touch for a second time that day.

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #marvel x gender neutral reader #marvel x you #marvel x reader #marvel cinematic universe #marvel #the falcon and the winter soldier

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my-avengers-obsession · 3 years

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Steve x Pregnant!Reader x Tony x Loki "Y/N!" 2/2

Warning(s): Cursing

Note(s): This is the chapter where the gender and father of the baby is revealed •This was semi-proof read

Pairing(s): Tony x F!Reader; Steve x F!Reader; Loki x Reader (You know how he appears out of no where)

— Tony's P.O.V. —

I looked over at Steve and sighed softly. He wasn't angry at me like I expected him to be. He was broken and I saw it in his eyes. I felt a pain in my chest. Was I having a heart attack? Am I feeling guilt? This is all so new.

-Well guilt. Not the heart attack.

I looked over at Steve, he's been quiet all day. I've been trying to talk to him to hear any news about Y/N and the baby, but he just wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't talk to anyone.

—

It was lunch time, Steve still stayed to himself. I walked over to him and put my drink down, slamming it a bit to demand attention.

The blonde stayed quiet and looked down at his food.

"Where is she?" I asked him.

"Who is she?" Steve asked in monotone.

"You know exactly who- Where is Y/N?" I asked him again.

Steve looked at me. "Haven't you done enough? She left me and you know this. Why do you wanna know? Are you gonna run off with her and the kid?"

"I don't...I don't know." I said and looked down.

I wanted to text Y/N, but it seemed liked she blocked herself from the rest of the world. Maybe it is time I called her, it's been three months.

— Y/N's P.O.V. —

God I missed Steve so much. I miss waking up in the morning with his arms wrapped around my waist and my face pressed against his chest.

I constantly ask myself why I chose to run off with Tony of all people. I've been talking to my therapist and she told me to put my past behind and to focus on my own health and the health of my baby, but I just can't stop thinking about it.

I sat on the couch in my new apartment, I moved in here about two months ago, when I ran off, I stayed at my cousin's place for a while since he was generous to let me stay.

I looked at the tv and went to find the remote. My phone started ringing, Tony was calling. I sighed and worked up the courage to pick up the vibrating iPhone.

"Y-Y/N?" Tony asked. He sounded nervous and scared at first as if he called the wrong number.

"Tony. Hey." I said softly.

"Y/N how are you?" Tony asked.

"I'm good..why'd you wait three months to contact me?" I asked him, "Never changed my number."

"I just thought you didn't want to hear from me again. I thought you cut yourself off from the rest of us. I want to be there for you. I want to help you." Tony said.

I sighed softly, "Tony. I can't. I don't even know who's baby it is. I can't have you taking care for me and it ends up to be Steve's."

"Still can't believe Steve's not a virgin." Tony mumbled softly.

I rolled my eyes, "So..you care about me?" I asked him, my voice soft, I didn't believe him.

"Yes, I do. I'm sorry. It's my fault you're even in this mess. I shouldn't have gotten so close to you." Tony sighed.

"It's no more your fault than it is mine. I betrayed Steve and I broke him. Is he still upset?" I asked.

"Yeah. He finally spoke to me today when I asked about you. He's in...he's in a bitchy mood, maybe you can come down and cheer him up?" Tony suggested.

"I am the last person that Steve would want to see." I scoffed and rolled my eyes, I had to be crazy if I thought Steve would want to see me after what I did.

"I think you're wrong. Please Y/N? For me?"

"No, Tony." I pulled the phone away, about to hang up.

"Y/N! Please." Tony pleaded, "Steve isn't himself snd I feel like he really needs you. I feel guilty. It's so weird and right now I just feel like I have to make everything right again. Please.."

"Tony, I'm sorry. I just don't think this is a good idea..." I sighed softly. I hung up and looked down at my phone.

A tear rolled from my eye and landed violently onto my phone. I looked at the splattered tear snd decided to text Steve.

— Steve's P.O.V. —

My brain hurts. It's been driving me crazy for the past couple of months. How did I not see this coming? Tony out of all people, I should've expected this.

I should've limited their time together. I should've been there more for Y/N. I know this all started because of me. To be fair, I thought she needed more space. I guess she needed less.

My phone started to light up. Y/N just texted me to see if I'm alright.

I scoffed to myself. Three months for her to ask how I'm doing.

I feel like shit- I mean crap. I'm the bad guy and the victim at the same time. This is all so conflicting.

It seems like Tony now wants to be friends after what he did to me.

I was walking to the elevator to go to my floor and heard Tony cursing to himself. He was talking to Y/N, I don't even see the point as to why.

I heard his footsteps come my way. I felt the desperation and sadness in the air. I looked down at the man and saw his distraught face. "What's wrong, Stark?" I asked him.

"Y/N..I tried to make things right! I tried to get her to come see you since you've been in such a vegetative state lately." Tony said, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. It's been three months and it's annoying." I went in the elevator and hit the close button. The doors started to close then stopped, I looked at Tony as his foot stopped it. I rolled my eyes. "Don't you get it? Leave me alone."

"Steve, just listen." Tony said.

"Leave." I looked at him and started to glare.

Tony walked off.

Loki chuckled softly and walked off, he always appeared at the wrong time. Maybe he could be a possible candidate for the possible father of Y/N's baby.

"Not a chance." Loki looked at me then walked away.

I rolled my eyes and waited for the elevator to bring me to my floor.

—

One Month Later

—

I got a text, from Y/N. I opened it and saw a picture of a sonogram with the caption 'It's a boy.'

I smiled softly, I didn't realize was smiling until I looked away. I always wanted a son. I frowned softly when I realized that it may not even be my son.

I noticed how Tony has been helping Y/N out lately. She started to show her face more, it's a bit of a relief to see she didn't do anything destructive.

She's slowly made her way back into the tower. She's been embarrassed to show her face around Nat and Clint. Nat gave her a little talk then they went back to being friends and Clint was disappointed in her but he couldn't stay disappointed in her forever.

I walked into Tony's lab and saw Y/N sitting there suggesting baby names with Tony. I looked over at her. She looked up at me and smiled softly.

"Hey Steve." She smiled softly. "I have some news that I wanted to share with the both of you." She held out a manila folder with some papers inside.

"Is that the test results?" I asked her, she took a non-invasive paternity test so we didn't have to wait so long to see who the father was. She could've taken it at 7 weeks but as she mentioned recently, she was scared snd finally worked up the courage to go ahead and get it over with.

— Y/N's P.O.V. —

I nodded as Steve asked me about the papers that were inside the folder. The tension grew in the air. I knew Tony wanted it to be his baby and I knew that Steve wanted it to be his baby as well.

I would want it to be Tony because I know Tony's gonna show the kid love and he's going to try his best and pass on his 'legacy'. At the same time I want the baby to be Steve because Steve is such a gentle, patient, and caring person and I know he's going to be a great father someday.

I took a deep breath, a tear rolled down my eye, I looked at the result. "Steve..." I started to cry even more.

Steve walked towards me, concerned. "Y/N, It's okay."

"Steve. It's your baby. You're going to have a son." I sniffled.

Steve smiled and hugged me carefully and kissed my forehead, I hugged him tightly and buried my face in his chest, maybe we could potentially work on our relationship now.

I pulled away from the hug and looked at Tony who looked a bit sad. "Tony, you can always play with him and teach him about Iron Man and things like that.." I walked over to him and rubbed his back.

"It's not the same. What if I never have kids?" Tony asked dramatically, clearly he's had many false allegations about paternity and pregnancy scares before.

"D-Don't you have a teenage son?" I asked him.

"It's not the same." Tony said dramatically and went back to working.

"You can hold him when he gets here." I whispered in his ear.

Tony smiled softly, Steve heard what I said, "N-No."

"He's not going to drop him." I said.

"You don't know that." Steve said.

"Fantastic." I said while walking out of the room. I started to think to myself.

'I could've kept all of this a secret and Steve never would've known..' I bit my lip and went to pour myself juice.

"I agree." Loki said as he got off of the couch and out his book down.

I jumped and juice splattered a bit.

"Oops." He said emotionless. He smirked softly, "Why'd you doubt yourself? You really could have kept it all to yourself and continued your fun."

"Go away." I looked at my friend.

"Congratulations. You know some people consider pregnancy a disease?" Loki asked.

"You're a disease." I mumbled.

"You were having sex with a walking disease." Loki smirked as he mentioned Tony and ate a grape.

"That's a fake grape." I looked at him.

He spit it out then looked at me. "I-I knew that."

I smirked softly and rose a brow.

"You're mean." He stuck out his tongue and walked away to go finish his book.

I chuckled softly then looked at Steve. "Is Tony okay?"

"Yeah. He's a bit relieved. He wanted the baby to be his but he says he's free from responsibility." Steve said.

"He's going back to being a hoe I assume?" I chuckled softly.

"Hell yeah!" Tony said while grabbing his car keys.

— Three Years Later —

Steve and I were dating again. We were taking things slower. He was a great father and was there almost everyday for the first year of Alexander's life. He was definitely there for Alexander's first milestones and even taught Alex how to walk.

Sometimes Steve would stay the night when Alexander cried for him to stay. When Alexander turned two, Steve moved in and we've been almost a normal family ever since.

Alexander looked exactly like Steve but acted exactly like Tony. I let Tony babysit Alexander often, I knew Tony's personality was starting to rub off on my child, I let it slide, Tony acted a lot like a toddler so this was normal.

"What do you want for lunch?" I asked Alexander.

"Scotch." The child said and started to giggle.

Steve looked up from his laptop and looked at our son then at me for my reaction.

"I think it's officially time we talk to Tony." I tried my best not to laugh.

#marvel imagines #cheating #pregnant!reader #mom!reader #tony x pregnant!reader #steve x pregnant!reader #loki x female reader #angst #fluff #marvel fanfic #marvel imagine #steve x f!reader x tony #loki x you #loki x y/n #tony x you #steve x you

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9tzuyu · 3 years

Text

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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vintage-marina · 3 years

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A woman out of time (james norrington x f!reader) chapter 2

TW: suicidal thoughts, idk what the word is but the reader is seeing things that isn’t there

You washed your face and looked into the mirror, the circles under your eyes were enormous and it looked like you hadn't slept in days, what indeed was. Every time you closed your eyes you saw the battle of Wakanda or you saw the faces of people that you had murdered. Murdered, you had murdered them. You screwed your eyes shut and clung to the sink for dear life, a sob escaped your lips. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself, your victims should be alive not you, them. Not you, Vision, Vision deserved it. Or Wanda, Bucky, Sam, Peter, T'Challa everyone besides you. T'Challa, yes he deserves my place, but he isn't here to take it isn't he? You softly hummed a song to yourself, a method to soothe you. After a few minutes of humming, you opened your eyes. Red, your eyes were red, you touched your cheeks and you realised you were crying. You stared into the mirror, you saw yourself but you couldn't reconise her. You stared to face and noticed the scars on it, they were small and were from the bomb that exploded right in front of you and you noticed the burn on your neck. You didn't found them ugly, but you didn't love them either. They were a part of you now and you couldn't do anything about it, just like your arm. You felt neutral about them. You picked up your toothbrush and brushed your teeth, the feeling of guilt slowly washing away. You knew that that feeling would never go away, but just like your therapist said you must learn to live with it, if you wanted to live your life in a somewhat peacful state.

Ever since half of the population died you didn't knew what to do, you felt like you didn't belong in the group that they called themselves the Avengers but you also didn't fit in as a civilian, so in the chaos that Thanos left you packed your bags and moved away, after you were fully healed ofcourse. You left everyone a handwritten letter and then you moved into a little old house on the shore.

You heard the telephone ringing, you walked toward the livingroom and picked up the phone. Maybe it was Steve, Natasha or Tony you didn't knew. You wiped your tears away, stupid ofcourse because the caller couldn't see them. ''Hello, with Y/N'' you said into the phone, it was Natasha. ''Hey Nat! How are you? No, I'm not crying why did you think that?'' ''You know that you don't have to lie to me right? But if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to'' ''Yeah, I've been crying but I'm fine now. '' The last part was half a lie, you were fine but a few minutes earlier you weren't. ''Im glad to hear that you are doing alright, sometimes it is just so hard you know?'' You hummed in agreement, not knowing if she talked about her past or about the guilt she felt with the whole Thanos hassle. '' But, Y/N/N, I, no we have something important to talk about. Scott, you remember Scott right?'' ''Yeah, I remember him, he was snapped right?'' ''We thought that too but a few hours ago, he showed up on our doorstep of the compound.'' ''So he wasn't snapped away, you mean'' now it was her turn to hum in agreement. ''Y/N, what I want to tell you is that we can bring them back and we want you to be there,'' you smiled a little and you whispered: ''Ofcourse, I will be there'' ''We will pick you up in an hour, see you then'' ''See you Nat'' Natasha hanged up and you pressed the telephone to your chest and let yourself fall on your little couch and let out a laugh. A few minutes ago you felt on a point of breaking down and now hope streamend into your veins.

An hour flew by and you saw in the distance three figures walking, one blond headed, one red headed and one had dark brown hair. You openend your door and welcomed them inside, ''Hi guys'' you said to them and gestured that they can sit down, you went back to your little kitchen and brought back some drinks and cookies. You sat on a chair and turned your eyes to Scott, ''so you just showed up after 5 years of radio silence?'' ''Yep'' ''how?'' ''I got stuck in what they call the Quantum Realm'' ''What the hell is that?'' you mumbeled, ''Alright so, that realm is a microscopic universe on its own and if you want to be there you have to be really tiny. Time works different there and basically I got stuck there'' ''What do you mean time works different there?'' you asked to him. ''Well, I was missing for 5 years right'' you hummed in agreement, ''but for me it was 5 hours. So I thought what if we can navigate that universe and can enter it at a certain point in time but then exit the realm at another point of time.'' Your eyes widend and your brain couldn't proces it really, ''I don't understand what you mean and that doesn 't make ant sense Scott'' he sighed and then said: ''Timetravel'' ''Like back into the future type of thing?'' you said to him, ''Wait how do you know about back into the future Y/N?'' said Natasha surprised, you turned to Natasha ''I saw it on the television ofcourse!'' Steve furrowed his brows and said: ''How have I never heard of that movie?'' you shrugged your shoulders and focused your attention back to Scott. ''So how do you guys want to timetravel, I still don't understand how you guys want to do this but I'm in.''

At the compound

After you guys could convince Bruce to help, things had happend quickly. First of all he was green, that was pretty weird for you and for the rest of your team. He explained to your group that he emerged himself and the Hulk together, you were pretty grossed out about this and was scared to asked how he did that. Secondly, you couldn't convince Tony to help out wich was disappointing but not surprising, after all you two held contact and you knew that he had a family. You understood that he was scared to loose his life or his family so you didn't try to persuade him into helping your group instead you were chatting with Pepper. Thirdly, without Tony's help was Bruce all alone on how to make this time travel thing. You hoped that he knew how to make this thing, but you weren't so sure about it. Scott was the test person and when he was gone you thought it finally worked but instead he was a teenager, then he was a baby, then he was a grandpa and then he was finally back to normal. There was panic and not just a little! Natasha was relieved when she saw that Scott went back to normal and Bruce spread his arms out and said proud: ''Timetravel!"

''But it didn't work really work'' you noticed, ''yes but also no'' Steve shaked his head and then Bruce said: ''What? I see this as an absolutle win''

Night time

A radio was playing a soft melody. The woman who you stared at didn't move a muscle, she looked like a dear in headlights. Time moved slow, to slow for her and sweat was forming on her forehead. You didn't even knew her name or why you were here, you only knew you had one job. The room reeked of blood and it was coated on the floor, you raised your arm and pulled the trigger before she could even scream. You could hear her body fall, finally you woke up and you could hear your heart racing. You clenched your jaw and stepped out of your bed, your feet touching the soft floor, you hummed softly trying to calm yourself. But you couldn't hear yourself, all you heard was the soft tune of the radio. Shuffling in the dark is never easy, your fingers touched a wall and your eyes went wide. Blood, why was there blood on the wall. You squeezed your eyes and then you saw the pattern on the wall. It was dark green with little leaves and flowers on it, your hand flew towards your mouth when you realised you were not in your bedroom anymore. You turned your head and then everything went back to normal. You didn't saw the blood splatters and the wallpaper anymore but you were in your bedroom?

The next day

A lot happend during the day, Tony showed up out of nowhere. Thor was back, who looked like shit. Rhodey suggested to go back in time when Thanos was a baby and to strangle him, which you found very amusing and Clint showed up with tattoos and a sad background that he killed people just because his family passed away. Everyone grieves differently I guess, some people like me you thought are gonna live in solitude and other people are gonna kill people for the fun of it. So now you were lying on the floor next to Bruce, Natasha and Tony trying to figure out where the stones are. Tony, Bruce and you were arguing about which place and time is the most convienent but Natasha broke your quabble. ''Guys, if you pick the right year there are three stones in new York'' ''Shut the fuck up'' ''You're a genius you know that right'' ''Whoah'' were the three things that were said in unison to her.

After five years you finally wore your suit again. The med pack on your bag felt familiar and you almost forgot how thick the leather was, the only bad side was that you now had to wear a mask. On your wrist was a watch and after twenty explanations from Tony you understood how to work with that thing, above your suit you wore another suit were you would timetravel in. You are going to travel with Tony, Scott and Steve to New York 2012 because Tony could help you with your suit when you didn 't knew how to work with it. ''Can someone please explain to me why I would have to wear a mask again?'' Actually you did know why, because the four of you didn't want to risk that 2012 Steve would regconise you. The Avengers and you were walking in unison and you guys formed a circle. Natasha and Steve looked at eachother and she said to him smiling: ''See you in a minute'' a machine whirred above you and you clicked on a button to summone your helmet and then you were shrinking.

It was a really weird experience to say atleast, your tummy was doing cartwheels and you felt your fingers (but not from your vibranium arm) tingling. You saw blue everywhere and it looked like honeycombs. You marveled at this, but then someone's elbow went into your ribs and you flew out of the orbit. Instead of going right with the others you went straight ahead. Shit, shit shit! But everything went so fast you didn't even had more time to think about it. A flash happend and you had your eyes shut. Your vibranium arm was stuck into something but not for long, whatever your arm was in was ripping and flew down with you. You could hear yells and cursing and then you fell on the ground. Well, not ground but on wood? You heard it crack underneath you and you thought you had fallen through the floor. Something is strange here, you didn't hear any cars, you didn't hear airplanes and you certainly didn't smell the fumes. You sniffed again, and you regconised it, it was salty and now your ears heard the soft waves of the ocean. You were on the ocean, you cracked one eye open and right in your face was a small man with dirt on his cheeks and wearing a mullet. ''Witch! A witch is on our ship!'' Fuck.

#james norrington #james norrington x reader #james norrington imagine #norrington #commodore norrington #potc #elizabeth swann #will turner #jack sparrow #henry turner #commodore norrington x reader #marvel #fanfic #marvelcrossover #avengersinfinitywar #avengers endgame #avengers

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mxltifaves · 3 years

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Hate is a Strong Word (Bucky Barnes)

Summary: Bucky x Y/N attends a therapy session after a mission gone wrong. You both love getting on each other’s nerves and after warnings from the rest of the Avengers, you don’t listen.

A/N: I've had this fic in my drafts for like two months and I don't know why I haven't posted it so here it is. Hope you enjoy it. Also, requests are open so If you have a fic in mind feel free to send it.

Ever since you joined the avengers you’ve always gotten along with everyone except with the one and only Bucky Barnes. You two were complete opposites, Bucky was very reserved and only really opened up to certain people while you were outgoing and loved to talk. When Bucky was under Hydra’s control, he was tasked to assassinate a man who threatened Hydra but your parents were killed in the crossfire. They were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Nobody aside from Steve and Tony knew you knew about Bucky killing your parents. Despite knowing that you didn’t hold it against Bucky because he wasn’t himself.

After a mission gone wrong due to you two bickering, you ended up in therapy with Bucky. Tony thought it would be a good idea to clear the air between you two and make sure nothing like what happened, happened again. You and Bucky really didn’t want to do it but it wasn’t like you had any other choice. So there you were, sitting next to each other in a very dull room with a woman sitting across from you.

“Y/N, Bucky, I am Dr. Raynor. I will be your therapist. So tell me why you’re here today?”

As you prepared for your mission, Nat and Wanda came into your room. “Ready?” Wanda asked as they took a seat on your bed.

“Yeah, almost just a few more things,” you responded as you rummaged through your drawers.

“Are you and Barnes going to be okay?” Nat asked raising her brow

“What do you mean?” you asked confused

“Look, we've all noticed your hostility towards each other. It can go either two ways, you end up dead or between the sheets,” the read head raised her brow giving you a knowing look.

“First of all eww, I would never. Second of all, I’m not an idiot. We may argue a lot but we don’t let that get in between the job,” You responded with a serious look on your face

“Okay, if you say so,” she said, not believing you. Before you had a chance to respond, F.R.I.D.A.Y spoke over the intercom.

“Ms. y/l/n, Mr. Barnes would like to know if you are ready to go?”

“Can you tell him I need ten more minutes,” you responded, taking the opportunity to get him annoyed since you were already ready.

“He will not like that,” F.R.I.D.A.Y said

“I know,” you smirked. You sat on your bed waiting for ten minutes to pass. You knew Bucky hated when you took too long which is why you always did.

“You know he’s gonna come looking for you,” Wanda said to you

“No he won’t, he’ll just brood the entire way there,” you smiled.

“I don’t understand you two. There is some sexual tension there and you bicker to hide it,” Nat said confused but yet understood the nature of your relationship with Bucky. As much as you hated to admit it she was partially right. After chatting with Wanda and Nat for 10 minutes, you got up and made your way to the jet where Bucky was already waiting for you.

“What took you so long?” he asked annoyed

“Calm down grumpus, I had to take care of something,” you quickly defended yourself.

**Flashback**

“Because our “boss” is an arrogant ass and enjoys punishing us,” you said rolling your eyes.

“Mr. Stark brought me up to speed on your situation. So who would like to start?” she asked you and Bucky but neither of you answered. “No volunteers?” she asked looking at the two of you completely uninvested. “Okay then, y/n why don’t you start? Why does Bucky aggravate you?” she asked looking in your direction.

“I don’t know, we just can’t stand each other,” you answered

“Look the only way this will work is if you communicate,” Dr. Raynor said

“There’s nothing to communicate so I’m not sure what you want me to say,” you responded

“Okay, what about you Bucky? Why is it that you and y/n don’t get along?” she turned to Bucky who was fidgeting with his fingers.

“As she said, we just don’t,” he said coldly

“Okay, do you trust each other?” she asked

“I trust him, when it counts,” you responded feeling his eyes on you

“What she said,” he responded

“Okay, so tell me about the incident that happened during your mission,” she asked you both.

“We were supposed to gather some information on someone we’ve been trying to apprehend, it was supposed to be easy, ” you said, remembering the events that lead you here.

*Flashback*

“Are you going to be brooding the whole mission?” you asked him, making eye contact with Bucky, but he didn’t respond.

“I guess that answers my question,” you muttered

“So what’s the plan?” Bucky spoke

“He speaks,” you said, “We go in, get what we need, then get out,” you simply said, putting in the earpiece.

“So no plan,” he rolled his eyes

“That is the plan, it’s an easy mission. Just try not to get caught,” you responded.

‘Easier said than done,” he muttered

“Look we go in, you distract and I’ll use this handy flash drive to upload all their files into our servers. Quick and easy,” you explained

“Why do I have to distract them? You do it,” Bucky said

“Because you’re an old man and that doesn’t know how to use technology,” you said rolling your eyes

“I do know how to use technology, for your information,” Bucky said annoyed

“Barely,” you mumbled to yourself.

“Just hurry,” he said. You made your way over to the networking room, making sure nobody saw you or followed you. Once you made it inside you plugged in the drive downloading all the files onto it. “How we doing?” you heard over the comms.

“It’s downloading,” you said.

“Can you hurry it up?” he asked

“No, I can’t. If I hurry the files won’t properly transfer, meaning we would fail the mission and I don’t fail. So shut up and let me work,” You said as you continued typing.

“Work faster,” Bucky said causing you to roll your eyes at him. “I hate you,” you muttered thinking he wouldn’t hear you.

“Feeling’s mutual,” he said back. After a couple of minutes of silence, you heard Bucky speak. “Y/n, you got incoming,”

“I thought I told you to distract them,” you said frustrated.

“There’s only so much stalling I can do. I’m on my way to you,” he said. You tried to work faster but it was useless. The files still had about 10 percent to go, which seemed to go by slowly. You heard the doorknob move, pulling out your gun and pointing it towards it. The door was swung open only to reveal Bucky. “Easy there,” he said. “Jesus, Barnes a little warning next time. I could’ve shot you,” you rolled your eyes. “Trust me doll, you couldn’t even if you tried,” he smirked

“You wanna test that theory out?” you said annoyed.

“Later, right now we gotta get the hell out of here,” he said hurrying you.

“It’s not done,” you said pointing to the screen, only 6 percent left.

“Just leave it. We got enough,” Bucky urged you.

“No, it’s almost done. We can get it all,” you said turning back to the computer.

“Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?” he said under his breath. “I’ll keep watch, hurry,” he said going back to the door to make sure nobody was coming.

“Shit, y/n we have to leave,” he said as he saw guards turning the corner and making their way to you.

“Wait, it’s almost done,” you said.

“Y/n, now!” Bucky yelled at you.

“Okay I got it,” you said pulling out the drive. “Told you I could do it,” you said. As you were about to exit the room, gunshots started. Bucky pulled you back inside but you were already hit in the arm. “Shit, what the hell?” you cursed looking at your bleeding arm. “Now you see why I was hurrying you?” Bucky asked

“Now is not the time, Barnes,” you yelled at him, putting pressure on your arm.

“Why because I was right and you can’t handle me being right?” he asked

“Can we just get the hell out without dying?” you said

“Can you use your gun?” he asked

“Yeah,” you said groaning in pain. Bucky was the first one to peak out the door, gunshots still firing. He started firing back landing a few shots. You went after him, firing as many shots as you could. Your arm bleeding out more as you moved. After killing most of them, there were only two men left. “I’m out,” Bucky said looking at the empty clip. “Me too,” you said back. Bucky pulled out the knife from his side pocket. He started fighting the two men, landing a few stikes on them. Eventually, the two men were on the ground. “Not bad,” you said a small smile forming. “Is that a compliment?” he raised his brow. “Never,” you shook your head smirking. “Are you okay?” he furrowed his brows. You were clearly losing a lot of blood. “Is that worry I sense?” you chuckled dryly. “Never,” he smiled at you. “Let get out of here before more of them come,” Bucky said looking back at the unconscious men.

**END FLASHBACK**

“You know thinking about it, I’m not really sure how we screwed up. I mean we got what we went there for. There might’ve been some unprecedented events but we still got what we needed,” you tried to defend yourself.

“I think it’s not really about the mission itself it’s more your relationship with each other,” Dr. Raynor said

“I’m not really sure what kind of relationship you are referring to, but like we’ve said we just can’t stand each other,” you said.

“Why do you think that is?”

“I tried to be nice when I first joined the Avengers but cyborg over here was a complete ass so I stopped trying to be nice,” You explained

“Mr. Barnes, you have anything to say?” she looked at Bucky. Bucky stayed silent not wanting to partake in the conversation.

“See? Complete ass,” you said shaking your head in annoyance. “You know what, I’m done. This is completely useless, you can give us the okay to go back on missions or you can’t I don’t care,” you said as you stood up and left the room. You got outside and let out a breath, tired from that useless therapy session. After about twenty minutes Bucky finally got outside. “You know I don’t hate you or anything,” Bucky said causing you to turn to look at him. “What?” you asked confused

“Fourteen years ago, I was sent to kills someone. There was a couple that saw so I had to kill them too. I remember their names. When you joined and saw your last name I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. I killed your parents, and I’m sorry,” Bucky said avoiding your eyes.

“I know,” you said softly

“You know?” he asked confused

“Yeah, I’ve read your file. Everyone you’ve killed while under Hydra’s control, every single person,” you said

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I know that wasn’t you. And being angry towards you wouldn’t bring them back,” you explained.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized once again.

“I know,” you smiled warmly. “Come on, I need to eat,” you said as you started walking away. “This doesn’t make us friends right?” you stopped to ask.

“Never,” he smiled softly. “Good, we wouldn’t want that now,” you teased him.

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #marvel characters #marvel #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #tony stark #steve rogers #marvel au #marvel fanfiction

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rogerslovesstark · 3 years

Note

Hi there! A huge fan 💜💙 I was wondering if your requests are open?

If yes, could you please write an angsty fic where in reader is dating Bucky and for some reason he belittles her and breaks off their relationship. After which eventually everyone on the team stops talking to her. She's forced to leave off on her own and struggles a lot. Later Bucky realises his mistake and tries to contact her but the old her is gone. Like she finds her own happiness. Sorry if it's too detailed☹️

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

WARNING: Angst

Your recruitment to the team was quick and very low-key. Almost no one knew that you had joined the Avengers because you requested Tony not to hold a press conference. You loved being an Avenger, the idea of helping people in need was so fulfilling.

However, the spotlight of being an Avenger was not pleasant. You did not know how Tony and Steve were able to handle it, the constant feeling of eyes on you, paparazzi almost always being on top of everything you do.

The few events you did go to, you stood with Bucky most of the time. He always kept you safe and comfortable while the party was booming. The two of you would walk around the venues Tony would rent out, looking at the architecture of the building, admiring the art that was around.

The conversation was kept minimal because there was already so much noise from the party. Both silently agreed that there was no need for extra noise.

It was the New Years Party two years ago where Bucky asked you if you wanted to slow dance. The Venue had multiple balconies and he chose the smallest one for the two of you to dance.

The two of you swayed to the soft music that could be heard from the party. Once the clock hit 12:00, Bucky leaned over and kissed you. You two began dating shortly after.

Every Sunday was a day for a date unless either of you had a mission. Every other week you planned a date for you and Bucky, walks in the park, restaurants, bars, everything you could think of.

You developed a dependency on Bucky. Always seeking his reassurance, seeking his comfort and touch. You felt as though you were not complete unless you were with Bucky.

Your childhood was to blame, primarily your father. Physically, your dad was there but not emotionally. You never received emotional love from your father, the ‘I’m so proud of you’ or ‘you’re doing amazing’ Just a stiff nod.

Being raised by your psychotic father was the reason you developed into the cold-hearted killer you were. From 16-19, you worked as a mercenary and killed for money.

You craved emotional validation from someone because you were so deprived of it when you were a child. You struggled to form relationships with others because of it too. That was one of the main reasons why you were not as close to the team.

Bucky would always smile at you, or kiss you when you were excited about something you would accomplish. On missions, he would always stay near you unless instructed otherwise by Steve.

Bucky has been extremely off recently, always working with Steve, or working out with Sam, helping Wanda train her new abilities because it’s hard to kill a super-soldier than a normal human.

He had missed five Sunday dates. Five of them. In those five weeks, you barely saw him and it was driving you crazy. You constantly would search for the time where the two of you could just be alone. You were so deprived of physical touch and emotional love, you began to fall into a depressive state.

You walked towards the conference room, you asked Friday where Bucky was. She said he was in the conference room alone which is weird that she specified.

You opened the door and found Bucky just sitting on his phone. It was almost 10:30pm and he was just chilling in the conference room on his phone.

“Baby, I’ve been looking for you,” You said, walking over to him and running your hands along his broad and muscular shoulders. He was always so tense when he was sitting hunched over.

He shrugged you off his shoulders and turned to look at you. Not a soft, loving kind of look that a lover would typically give his lover; he gave a harsh glare as if you had done something to him.

“God, you are so fucking annoying, you know that,” Bucky said. He grabbed that hand that was touching you and stood up from his chair. He let go of your hand rather quickly as soon as he stood from the chair.

“I can’t fucking stand being around you Y/n, I don’t know why I ever asked you to be my fucking girlfriend,” He said, lowering his face closer to your face so the two of you were at eye level.

Tears pooled in your eyes, every word he said was like a thin blade stabbing you in the stomach over and over again. You did not know what you did wrong, you had not even seen him in almost a week despite living with him.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I’ll be better, what can I do to be better, please,” You whispered, if your voice were any higher, you would being sobbing.

Bucky just watched as you pathetically tried to hold your sobs in. You really were a weak woman and Bucky knew that. He knew that he held you in the palm of his hand and if he wanted to, he could break you.

He watched as your world crumbled around you because Bucky had decided to hurt you. Your hands were shaking and curled into fists. Your nose was turning red from holding back your tears.

“You are nothing without me, and I don’t want you anymore, so get the fuck out of my face and leave. No one on the team likes you, they would rather see you dead than ever have to see your horrific face ever again.” Bucky snarled, ready to see you burst into tears.

He knew that was the last straw.

You quickly turned around and left before you burst into tears. Bucky grabbed your arm and tried to turn you around, wanting to see you cry. You were forced to turn around, tears in your eyes pulling your hand back and smacking Bucky on his cheek.

You left him dazed in the conference room. You ran to your shared room, collecting all your belongings. You had a small apartment in the heart of Montreal that no one knew about. You deliberately left off your information given to FRIDAY.

“FRIDAY, get rid of all information regarding Y/N L/N” You requested.

“Request denied, reasoning: unauthorized access to function,”

“Override denial, code Tony Stark has a fat ass” You rolled your eyes at the code Tony had told you to be used as a last resort code.

“Permission granted, removing all information regrading Y/N L/N,”

You grabbed a piece of paper on your desk, writing a short goodbye to Tony knowing he would wonder where you went. You quietly walk over to Tony’s office and placed it on the monitor he mainly used.

You left the compound shortly after, walking seven miles to the small car you planted in the forest. You prepared this as a last resort option. You never wanted to use this car but times were desperate and you had to get away from Bucky.

++++

You were struggling, barely able to figure out how to live on your own. The money you had saved from working for the Avengers was running low and the waitress job you did have has barely enough to pay the bills you had.

Montreal was really expensive you ended up realizing, with such a horrible job, you sold your apartment and moved in with some college students in a small house. You shared a bedroom with one of the women in the house.

Ashley, your roommate, actually found the job for you, she helped you changed your appearance and spotted your money whenever you were desperate for it.

You had no skill set for an actual job, the only skills you had were killing. And your skills had developed rapidly as an Avenger. You knew what you had to do to survive.

The first kill that you had was a child trafficker in Toronto. Ashley covered for you, saying you two would go to a spa for a girl's weekend. She stayed at the spa while you finished the job. You gave her 20% of the income made.

You two had gotten close over the two years that you spent in the shared house. She was one of the only people that you trusted at this point. She suggested that you started therapy, which you decided to actually go to.

Your therapist wanted you to start realizing that you were more than who you surrounded yourself in. You deserved the love that you craved and you could only get it when you truly loved yourself.

++++

Bucky was laying in the bed the two of you shared. Two years had passed since he had driven you out of his life. He didn’t know why he did it, he was so upset because he saw you flirting with Tony. But Tony got engaged to Pepper only a few days later.

After nine months of you being away, he started to crave your presence in his life. He asked FRIDAY where you were but she had no information on you. When FRIDAY said she had no information on you, he had one of the biggest meltdowns he ever experienced.

You were officially gone from his life. Even with all the winter soldier experience of tracking people down, he couldn’t find you. Bucky knew that you were smart, you could hide in plain sight if you wanted to.

It was in Toronto that he saw you again. Bucky’s whole world stopped after he saw you. You were so different now. Your hair was completely different from what he was used to, and you dressed differently too.

It took him two months to finally get you to speak to him.

“What do you want Bucky?” The way you used to speak to him was so soft, now you were so cold towards him. Bucky’s stomach churned, almost nervous to respond to you.

“Y/n, please come back, I’m sorry for everything I have done to you, everything I said was a lie. I still love you” Bucky pleaded to you.

“Bucky I’m not the same woman I used to be, you broke me, I was so broken and I was the only one who fixed me. You don’t get to come back after I learned how to not live with you.” You shouted at him.

Tears pooled in Bucky’s eye, he had lost the one person who had shown him, true love. The one person he wanted to protect for the rest of his life. He lost you, forever.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky x Female Reader #Winter Soldier #WINTER SOLDIER ANGST #james barnes #james barnes x reader #james barnes angst

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maladaptive-ninja-returns · 3 years

Text

It’s The Avengers (03x17)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 17: Homecoming

SEASON FINALE

Series Summary: Living in the Avengers facility post-apocalypse in a better timeline Tony Stark has decided to capture every moment by pulling The Office on the Avengers. All of housemates are pretty used to the idea except for you, who had just come here to finish her degree, and the newest member- Loki.

Warnings: something mild that you guys have been waiting for

Word Count: my therapist diagnosed me for ADHD and she said that I am on the borderline of the spectrum. In the sense that I have a chance of getting better if I go through proper therapy and bring a change in my thinking. That is good to hear and hopefully I will do better by myself in the near future.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

A whirr followed by a piercing hum of a machine filled the blackness of the recording device. "Oh shit," a whisper was heard from within the dark. "What," another whispered back. "I forgot to pee." "Scott," multiple voices whispered at once, making Scott apologise to everyone in the dark. "All right, everyone," Natasha's composed voice addressed everyone, "we are jumping in five, four-" "Bucky, is that you?" Steve's voice was quite low. "Three-" "Yeah...well, I've never travelled to space so..." the White Wolf was quick to answer his boyfriend. "Two-" "Maybe I should've worn a diaper?" Scott's whisper was an amplitude higher now, the fear quite evident in his voice. "One."

The darkness was replaced by a flash of light flooding the lens before gradually giving way to a desert. The camera moved around to take in the Avengers team all suited up in black and purple scrutinising the area around them. Slowly everyone was opening their suit helmets once the oxygen concentration on this alien planet was confirmed. Scott was taking little jumps with his legs crossed. "Excuse me," he exclaimed quite urgently before running haphazardly behind a blue bush. Steve and Bucky stood there holding hands while their gaze went everywhere to look for any sign of trouble. Natasha tested the comms, the incoming signals from the Compound and the number of people who had arrived with her. "I have taken the attendance and we have arrived intact," she narrated robotically into her comms, "though Scott seems to be suffering from travelling sickness." "I'm okay," he shouted from behind the bush with heavy inhales in between his words, "just my bladder. Everything is a-okay. Nothing weird in the pee-pee." Wanda was already making use of her power to scan the entire planet while standing in one spot, her hands glowing in red plasmic waves while the rest of her body floating in a trance. "Have to say, this place almost looks like earth except for those little weird looking rabbits who were watching me behind the bush," Scott commented, coming back to the group. Natasha made eye contact with the one GoPro fitted on Scott's shoulder.

Natasha: *pushing her pigtails off her shoulder* So Shuri and Tony worked out the Pandora Box's algorithm of teleportation in *smiles* forty-eight hours. Bruce helped with the foundation, of course, I just sent him on vacation when Shuri arrived because the big guy was exhausted. *inhales and looks in the direction of her Space Team* As you can see we volunteered to rescue Y/N and Loki- *Tony's voice cracked through the comms* just Y/N. *camera panned in on Natasha's face going back to a stone-cold b*tch* Natasha: *sighs* Pepper deserves a reward for keeping him on earth Tony's voice: I heard that Natasha: *completely ignores Tony* Wanda is looking for them, Steve is here in case we need more brainpower for rescue. Bucks is our muscle and I am here in case any of them have second thoughts about killing anything that tries to hurt my family. And we are all worried that Scott might die on this trip. *camera zooms in on her* We don't even know what he contributes to this group. *camera slowly turns to record Scott, standing there tongue-tied, right from his shoulder* Scott: *in a low, disappointed tone* I am standing right here.

The camera- or cameras that were embedded in the dangerously fitting space suits- panned in on Wanda's eyes opening with a red glow. "I found them," she announced on a wavelength of confusion. "What's wrong?" Steve asked the question rising in everyone's mind. "Remember the woman who tried to kill Loki and Y/N?" "Aellae," Scott replied in the most derogatory way while making a face. Wanda blinked and tilted her head a bit. "She's alive."

On the Other Side of the alien Planet Coming into focus, a rusty looking fabric came into view, the loose cross stitch giving way to the light of the nearest star to pour in while the fabric flapped in the cool breeze. Panning out from the fabric, the view was shifted to you sitting up from what looking like one really good nap- thanks to that glow on your face and no gravity known by your hair that was everywhere. You wore a brown cotton dress without sleeves- exposing the black thread tied on your right bicep. A bit of air was knocked out from your lungs when Lulu bounced on you to hug and lick you to his satisfaction. The little tent was filled with your giggled and weak persuasion to get him off you. A gust of the cold breeze entered with the figure that came in with the tent. "Grandmamma!" you exclaimed, getting up to go hug Se'tiri, who patted your back. The camera settled down in front of the two of you as you sat down where you had been sleeping. "What are you doing here?" you asked Se'tiri, all smiles till you were hit with a sudden realisation. "Wait-" "You had fallen sick in Jotunheim," Se'tiri explained that sudden rush of questions inside your mind, "so Loki brought you back to me." "Is Loki okay?" was the first question that popped out of you. "You think anything can happen to that mannerless boy?!" she almost cursed him, tapping her cane on the floor. "He left Jotunh-" "Aye," Se'tiri waved your worries away with her hand, "do not worry about useless things. He is mannerless but he thinks ten steps ahead. You worry about yourself. Look at you, huh? You've lost so much weight. Does that boy not feed you? All that beautiful fat has vanished from your body." You were nearly on the edge of tears, hugging Se'tiri with all your might. "I love you, Se'tiri. And I can feed myself. What's that got to do with that 'boy'. It's not like he is going to cry if I lose a couple of pounds. Speaking of which, he isn't even here. Where is he?"

In the Middle of the Desert "I warned you not to follow me." Javier's camera was already panning on Loki's black-clad figure from his right side. The drone flying over them recorded Javier's resolute facial expressions. "I can't let you go to war alone." Loki snickered, barely able to contain his laughter. The drone moved away from them to record an eerie-looking shadow standing on the top of the opposite dune; a shadow with tentacles breaking out in every direction around the figure. Upon focusing, it turned out the figure was Aellae, looking at the figure of Loki laughing on his knees now. Her pale skin was cracked and her lips were dry and chapped. Those eyes were dark and clearly full of unsatisfied rage for the God slithering in the sand on some joke she did not understand. One moment she was standing here, her gaze suddenly locked with the drone; the other moment, she was seen at the foot of the dune before presenting herself right in front of Loki. Loki- all done with the laughter that Javier was clearly not pleased with- cleared his throat, wiped away the tears from the edge of his eyes and stood up to face a very horrid looking Aellae. "'Sup," the God greeting, barely trying to hold his laughter inside him. "You sold me out to those punishers!!!" she stressed the 'P' to nearly spit in his face. "You need to have some value for me to buy you before selling you out, Aellae," he soothingly stressed to the witch. Aellae was already baring her teeth at Loki, her shadow tentacles growing bigger with every passing second. "I guess riling your own kind against you paid me. I don't see your frail human anywhere." Her giggles of content were stopped by a voice from behind her. "Oi!!!" Loki, Aellae and Javier turned in the direction of this extremely familiar yet surprisingly thunderous 'oi'. The cameras panned in on the figure appearing on the other dune, riding a beast- hairy, husky, well built, no eyes, just a mouth with evident fangs and a roar that could be heard for miles- that almost looked like... "Lulu!" Loki shouted, "I told you not to bring her here you slow-witted pile of husk!!" "Oi oi Loki!!" you shouted back with a tsk. "Do not talk to my baby like that!" Lulu roared in agreement. "And you-" you turned towards Aellae- "no one gets to hurt my boys... except for my family! Families are weird." Aellae snarled at you. "Oh, but I will hurt them. But first I will hurt you." Both you and Aellae wore stern faces, neither of you backing down. Loki on the other hand was rolling his eyes and pressing his forehead with his fingers. "Why can this woman not give me a single day of peace?" Javier looked at Loki with a raised brow, about to say something when Loki raised his index at him. "No. Do not." Giving Lulu a pat, you were already mounting off the dune on his back. Aellae too was rushed towards you in horrific teleportation jumps till she came to a halt in the middle. Once, twice, thrice- the witch tried to move but she seemed to have been trapped right there. You came to a halt a few feet away from her, confused as to what just happened. Aellae was really not able to move. "What's wrong?" you seemed confused. Aellae turned to look up at Loki with all the world's animosity in her eyes. Loki, with his hands behind his back- that the drone recorded glowing- looked down at her with a smirk. "Not so fast," he whispered. Looking down at her feet, she noticed the familiar green and golden glow. With a scoff coming out of her lungs, Aellae gathered her shadows in her palms and directed it in your direction with great force. The shadows swirled around her fingers, found a target in you and rushed in your direction at a speed you were not able to comprehend soon enough. But the drone recording this fight could see them stop right before they came within two feet of you, freezing mid-air like icicles made of dazzling black liquid. "Not on my watch," a whisper stronger than the hot breeze in the desert came from behind you. All eyes watched as Wanda emerged from behind the sand dunes, floating over to come by your side. Her palms glowed with her ethereal magic but her poise made it seem like this took no effort at all. Your eyes widened on seeing Wanda right next to you. Inhaling all the alien air in your lungs, you opened your arms, right in time for Wanda to twist her fingers and raise her brow and smirk. "WANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" you shrieked. And your shrieks were being directed by the Scarlet witch towards Aellae with no delay, making her lose her footing in no time. Lulu was helping you slide down his back right into Wanda's arms. No one could figure out when your shrieks had turned into wails muffled in Wanda's arms. "It's so good to see you," you bawled in her chest, making your witch laugh. "Aw! I missed you too! Though I have been watching you every day." Both of you were embracing each other in the highest hug possible while moving side to side in a slow down. And all this while, Aellae was throwing her attacks at you, which barely made through Wanda's shield. From where Loki watched this unfold, the futile efforts of the bad witch were just clad in some dark humour. "Everything about this makes me cringe," he groaned. "Stop it Aellae," he shouted in her direction, "you are just embarrassing yourself." Aellae wanted to go all dark, her eyes, her features, all covered in the shadows she carried, evidently preparing for a big bang. And just before she could release it, Green and golden chain made of pure magic were wringing her waist, pulling her away from the two women. They yanked her towards Loki, on the top of the dune where the God stood stoic as ever, his one hand behind his back while the other casually carried out what needed to be done. She was roaring in his face, wanting to burst open from those chains, but Loki was already fetching shackles from his pocket dimension to bind her in their magic. "The boys will take care of you," he announced without putting much effort in his words, seeming quite bored. "Man, I love the boys," another familiar voice came from his side. Javier turned his camera to record Scott sitting on the sand playing with the rocks while looking up and smiling at Loki. "They remind me of someone. Like a boy band, I think." Behind him stood Steve and Bucky, both shielding their eyes from the starlight with shades. Natasha was sitting next to Scott, surprisingly entertaining herself with Scott's pebbles game. "Why did we tag along, again?" Bucky asked his boyfriend. Steve puckered his lips, opening his mouth to say something. "Well, the cameras need the sexy while Wanda and Loki take care of things," Scott mentioned as he swimmingly put on his own shades for Javier's camera. Bucky and Steve seemed satisfied with that explanation before a good amount of blushing.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Javier and his drones pointed themselves in your direction. "They better work." Javier seemed pretty serious. "Shuri will be firing the mechanism in exactly-" Natasha looked at the countdown on her watch- "two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. So, everyone, take positions." "Wait," you begged loudly out of the blue, turning towards someone outside the frame. "I'm sorry I have to leave you, my precious baby," you croaked. Your giant floof came forward to smell you before licking your face. He chirped out loud, rubbing his head with yours. "I love you too," you announced at the edge of breaking into tears, hugging him as gently as possible. Loki blinked a few times before looking away from you. Clearing his throat, he came to stand next to you, taking his sweet time to raise his hand and pet him right where he loved it. "Don't let that witch out," he commanded softly to his pile of husk, to which Lulu replied with a loud burp that carried the cries of Aellae from the oblivion inside him. That earned him more soft pats from the God. "Will you be okay alone?" you had to ask, even though you knew that would just bring up more emotions in your throat. "Of course, he will," Loki acknowledged, pointing you in the direction of the nearest dune. There on the top stood six floofs, both big and small just like Lulu. One of them, the biggest of them all, roared with a pulsating sound. Lulu replied with a roar of his own, giving you one last tug before walking towards his pack.

"So, your powers are back," Steve commented, his thumbs resting in his belt loops as he waited for the clock to take them back home. At the same time, Scott was asking you the most awaited question. "Hey, Y/N, what happened at Jotunheim? After you were taken hostage?" Just as your inhaled a lungful and furrowed your brows at the question, Loki was smirking at the captain, moving a step closer to you to wrap his arm around your waist. Call it a reflex or a reaction built on experience but as soon as his arm was wrapping itself around your waist, your arms were grabbing onto his shoulders with your life force within one-tenth of a second "Let's test it out," the God pondered with no drop of doubt on his face, before disappearing with you. An awkward silence loomed after the golden swoop, leaving the Cap a little bit tongue-tied. "You just had to ask," Bucky rolled his eyes but the camera was zooming in on this one mischievous smirk on Natasha's lips as she took her position in the centre and pointed to the block Javier was supposed to stand on. "I am still curious-" Scott raised his hand in the air as he took his position- "in case anyone is curious."

The Lounge The continuous smacking of the LED screen was heard out of the frame while a very flushed MJ sat on the sofa, never blinking for a minute straight. The camera turned to find Peter still smacking the LED and its router while his little bulging bicep was peeking out from his half-sleeved white t-shirt. "Anything yet?" The soda that had barely reached the eighteen-year old's lips spilt a little as she found herself back in reality. "Huh? Wha-oh! No. Nothing." The flushing embarrassment must have increased tenfold on seeing the camera focused on her for she tried to shift in her seat, trying to face away from the camera. Peter stopped the smacking abruptly to let out a groan. "Come on you dumb machine! Work! We need to find out where my friends are!!!!" The 'machine' started to vibrate; the intensity increasing by the second. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you," Peter was blurting out in one breath. "Peter! What did you do?!" MJ was pulling the boy away from the screen before an intense pressure of air blew them over to the sofa- Peter landing over MJ. In the very next second, you and Loki stood in the middle of the lounge, his arms still wrapped around you. Your eyes closed, your head pressed to his chest, hands clutching the fabric of his long coat as hard as possible, your existence just wanting to stay in this shell even when the people around you started to move. Peter was breathless at the sight. Pointing at you and Loki, no words coming out of his mouth, just that his eyes were getting moist by the second. "Y/N-" Loki's voice was smooth as his hand tried to move your undone hair from your face- "we're home." You made the effort to open your eyes and take a small step away from his chest, but the vertigo of space travel was still playing with your brain, making you lose your balance. Not fast enough for Loki to not catch you in his arms and bring you back to his chest. "Breathe," he ordered in his scruff yet gentle voice. And you obeyed. The camera was frozen on those pale hands holding you tightly to his chest, and that one tick of tension in the brows of the God that seemed to dissolve into a resting cold face as soon as it appeared on the surface. Once your breathing was steady, you tested your balance. "Good now?" You nodded and Loki let you go. The frame captured you slowly parting from him, your gaze stuck on his, relief on both faces, and Peter appearing in the middle with tears streaming down his face, his arms ready to take you both. "I'b soooo habby you're okayyyy," he bawled through his tears and hiccups. MJ pulled him away by his shirt. "Yes, yes, you're really happy now let them breathe first," the sweet girl ordered him in a monotonous tone. You broke into a smile at Peter's overflow of concern and Loki mirrored you all the same. A ruckus could be heard from the lab, specifically Tony asking for you. After two seconds of silence, he was bursting into the lounge breathless to find you standing there, in flesh and blood. Within the breath that you used to wave at him and say, "Hey Mr Sta-ow!" he was already hugging you with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Tony, you need to let her go before she chokes due to lack of air," Pepper pointed out as she stood next in line to hug you. "Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere? The last feed we got was-" "Yes, Loki saved me," you assured your father, cutting him mid-sentence. "You shouldn't be expecting anything less from him by now. Right, dad?" That's it. That word did it for Tony. All the waterworks that he had been saving suddenly started to pour out while he took Loki's support as a shoulder to hide his outburst. The God softly patted the man on his back with gentle but quite awkward 'there, there's.

Two Hours Later "I'm sorry, I swear this is the last test." Bruce was adjusting his glasses on his sweaty nose, trying his best to stay composed under the stress those two dads standing behind him were giving him. Clint was even holding his resting bitch face in place. "It's okay, Mr Banner. Please take your time, as I told you the last five times." You were surprisingly calm. "Are you sure you don't feel anything weird?" Tony had to make sure.

Bruce: *sighs* Seven

"Yes," you were resisting the urge to scold him by biting your lips and closing your eyes as you lay on the table with all the scanners surrounding you, "I am fine. How about you go take a look at Javier and Loki?" "They got over with the tests half an hour ago," Clint mentioned, taking a sip of coffee from his takeaway cup. "So, there are no foreign sensations in your body?" Tony furrowed his brows as if they would have helped you answer his question. You shared a tired look with the camera.

Bruce: *groans* Eight.

"It wouldn't hurt you to trust me, Tony," Bruce finally blurted it out, picking up the syringe to draw a blood sample from you. "Oh, I trust you-" Tony nodded with assurance in Bruce's direction while Clint mimicked that nod- "it's the...other alien I don't trust." Clint shook his head. Your palms legit slapped the slab you were lying on, taking the men by a little surprise, as you got up to face them. "That alien is the reason I am here." The camera panned in on that nasty glare you were giving those two while Bruce stepped back with his needle, trying to look at anything but you. "He is also the reason you froze to death in Jotunheim." Tony was quite assertive with his voice. "Well, I am not dead, am I?" Your voice rose a tempo higher. Clint raised a brow and took small steps to join Bruce on the side. "And if you saw me in Jotunheim, I am pretty sure you damn well know that I am the one solely responsible for me dying in that frost prison because I know you know I did that on purpose!!" Tony was already matching the rage wavelength with you. "And that makes it all the more reason for you to stay away from that man." "I WAS DYING BECAUSE I WANTED TO COME HOME!!" Your outburst came with the waterworks. Your voice shook but that did not stop you from taking the floor and standing in front of your father. "AND I KNEW LOKI WAS THE ONLY CHOICE!!" "You had Carol," Tony was gritting his teeth. "She has a family to look after too, Mr Stark. And last I remember she was the one who trusted me to stay with Loki till she came back because she knew who was trustworthy. And why are we even having this discussion? That GOD literally fought his own kind for getting me and Javier home safe. What more do you want to take from him to finally see that he can be trusted? What are you afraid of? That he will trick you and take over the world? That he is planning some universal scale annihilation? Well, good for him. At least when he is not thinking of world domination he is busy saving your dumbass destructive DAUGHTER EVEN WHEN HE DOES NOT HAVE TO!!!!" The loud sobs did not stop. But Tony definitely did, watching his anger crumble as he embraced you in his arms and lightly patted your head to make you feel better. "I'm sorry," he finally confessed, "I almost felt like dying when I saw you freezing on the screen. I was angry at myself for not being able to save you." "Then why are you blaming him?" you asked in between your sobs, pointing in a general direction away from here. "Because he was close to you and I wasn't. I am so sorry, my baby. I just wanted to give you a normal life. I just wanted you to have normal friends, normal college life, normal stuff like boyfriends who I could threaten when they came to take you out for a date. I never wanted you to just disappear into space out of nowhere." The camera turned towards a very wide-eyed Clint just staring into oblivion.

Clint: Well, I thought the older one with daddy issues would handle it well. But *chuckles* she really is his daughter. *takes a sip of his coffee* *feels the taste on his tongue* *makes a bitter face with his tongue out* Ugh! Why is this thing been tasting so bad for these past few weeks?!

A Few Minutes Later Scott, Peter and Pepper being the most avid listeners of the night, showered Loki with questions about all they witnessed on the recordings. Both boys were wearing rabbit beanies and pink pyjamas to compliment Pepper's fuzzy blue ones. Loki- to the shock and awe of everyone who witnessed this- was unexpectedly patient, answering all their queries. "And they bought it, just like that," Pepper stated with a null expression with curious eyes. Loki shrugged, shifting his arm pillow to Pepper's side. "Their kind takes the female superiority pretty seriously. They practically pray to them. So, it wasn't that hard once Y/N told them she was my wife." Peter and Scott- with their head resting in their palms- let out a stretched 'wow' with dreamy eyes. "They surely are one of a kind." Pepper tilted her head, "Is there some sort of encyclopedia where I can learn about all these creatures? I have been craving new knowledge recently. And Tony keeps all the Discovery channel on child lock so that is not helping. At all." Scott waved a hand at Loki. "And what about the time at the bar? Those beings with long antlers. What are they called?" The camera swivelled to you standing at the entrance of the lounge smiling a glowing smile at the scene unfolding in front of you. You too were on your brown pyjamas, finally looking like a kid amongst all these super adult. Once the camera caught your attention, you nodded at it and walked towards the recording room. "Come on, let's get to it before I fall asleep for seventy-two hours."

You enter the room with a yawn and a stretch, sitting down on the chair and scratching your exposed legs in those fuzzy shorts. Once the signal is given, you look at the camera. You: *sigh* *smile lightly* Well, that was a wild ride. And even saying that is an understatement. All that stuff that we- The door opens and the camera shifts to record Tony apologising before turning to you. "Don't stay up late, okay. You need your sleep," he reminds you in a hush. You nodded and replied with a smile. A pause of three seconds and Tony walks towards you to pat your head and plant a soft kiss in your hair. "Goodnight." "Goodnight," you blow a kiss back at him. Tony walks out with the most precious smile on his face.

You: *inhales* so where were we? Yeah. *laughs* You have seen everything, right? *snickers* and this guy still said he wanted a normal life for me. *laughs some more* This is the normal, father dear. This is how it is! Normal college life? To be honest I am not that disappointed that I missed a couple of assignments. I mean you don't get to say 'I'm sorry I didn't turn in my homework because I was busy being stuck on an alien planet'. *pauses* *presses her lips together to put a stop on the smile* You: Oh! Peter has already used that line. Well, then that makes two of us. And get a boyfriend so he can threaten him? Pfft! What is this some ninety's rom-com high school drama? Someone needs to tell him his daughter hasn't dated in this lifetime. *shakes her head* *stares into oblivion* and with the kind of things, a hundred things, she looks for in one single man guy, she might date in this lifetime... or the next one. *makes a face at her own thoughts* You: *groans* I mean come on! I can't just start dating a guy. You saw how I was when everyone around me was a complete stranger. I barely talked! *looks at the person behind the camera* You: What do I look for in a ma-that's a long list sweety. *shakes head vigorously before giving up* *long sigh* *licks lips* *shrugs* Well, the first thing I want in someone I would consider to be eligible as someone dateable would a person who is my friend.

Recording flips to the small clips of you meeting Loki for the first time, bickering, fighting, laughing together, pranking each other, watching movies together, sharing secrets about the other avengers and reading books together in the library.

A person who *thinks for a moment* gets how important family is to me. And when I say family...well, you know what I mean.

Another clip edit shows the God helping Bucky train in the training room, teaching Natasha about new poisons, blocking all the foreign sounds from the lounge when Pepper was soothing her belly and watching Boys Over Flowers. One time he lifted all the heavy furniture while Tony stress-cleaned the entire place all the while the God read a book. Another time he kept replacing Clint's coffee with a substitute that was good for his heart and tasted better.

I would want to date someone who gives me attention? *tsks* In the sense that they know I am there. I don't know if that makes sense.

Flip to the clips showing Loki moving the side table out of your way- with his magic- when you were busy dancing with your headphones on; him cooling down your tea to bring to a drinkable temperature; him threatening Sam so he doesn't eat your period chocolates; his concerned eyes stuck on you when you were stressed out about your exams at two in the morning in the library before he got you something to drink and offered to go in your place instead; he and Peter playing darts with David's face pasted on the dartboard; him taking the fairy lights from you to place them near the roof where you could not reach, in your room.

Someone who is funny.

The flip is to all the clips where you are either snickering, giggling or cackling with laughter, choking on your drink after Loki said something sarcastic with a straight face.

Someone who respects my space and my decisions

The recording shows Loki smiling while looking at you lecturing the men in the house about mansplaining and how it was an inherent thing for some; the God helping you make sandwiches for the Avenger's donation drive to Stark orphanage; Loki being the first to ask 'want me to help you pack' when you announced to the family you were going to visit a haunted house with your college friends; Loki putting a repel spell on your door when you wanted to be alone; him just sitting in his room by the window reading while you took his entire bed to make zentangles, neither of you talking throughout the time together.

Someone who is not afraid of physical touch. I would really want that.

All the falls that Loki saved you from with his arms, chest and entire body, be it in the Avengers facility or out in space; all the hugs he gave you at your low points; all the pats on your back flash one by one on the screen.

Someone who is *shrugs* *smiles a weak smile* happy for my existence? *brows furrow though the smile is stuck on your face* Someone...who I can get comfortable with. I don't have to put up a facade for them.

Edit flashes of all the moments where Loki gravitates to come and sit next to you, be it in the lounge, the library, the lab, the training room, the spaceship, alien planets. Another edit is of all the moments when you gravitate towards Loki, sometimes a mess in your nightclothes, hair unkempt, burping out loud, sometimes farting without any restrictions, other times groaning and letting your head rest on his shoulder. Other times just plane crying ugly in front of him.

*blinks* *furrows brows further* Someone...who I feel safe with?

This time the shift is to the clips where you are drunk and coming home from the club and Loki is supporting your frame to walk you to your room; another clip shows you watching a horror movie in the lounge late at night and you are burrowing your face behind his shoulder while he sits there with discomfort on his face for whatever movie both of you are watching; there is one where you are not feeling evidently anxious in the crowd of aliens and the camera is zooming in on you fingers lightly holding on to the edge of Loki's coat while you both walk through the market; another one is of you smiling as you look at Loki gush over the simulators in the modified spaceship; then there is one where you are smiling once again despite being surround by lethal frost giants and the reason of you smile being the God who is standing beside you and at the same time standing a step ahead of you to act as a shield for anyone who dares do anything in your direction.

You are evidently surrounded by clouds of confusion and doubt hiding an impending realisation somewhere inside them. Your lips are parted but no sound comes out. Just when you feel like you have it, confusion grows darker on your features. The door clicks open and Loki's face pops in to find you in the room. The surprise on your face does not go unnoticed by either him or the camera. "You do realise you teleported here in terms of light-years," Loki comments. "Huh?" is all you can manage. "Go get some sleep before Clint comes to kill me in my sleep," he orders before turning towards the camera and finally walking out. A good few seconds pass in deafening silence. Your eyes are still stuck on the door. A few blinks later your eyes go wider. Even the camera knows what has happened for it is panning on the unadulterated shock on your face as your lips finally move to express this newfound theory. "...oh fuck."

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yikesharringrove · 3 years

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I know it's dark and maybe you don't want to touch the subject and you've not been doing well lately but can I request one of the boys with an eating disorder? I can totally see Steve being restrictive or purging (anorexia or bulimia) or Billy with an obsession on being healthy (orthorexia)

So, I actually have another drabble request coming soon with orthorexic billy, so I’m gonna do one for our sweet boy stevie. Wanna wreck this babey

Trigger Warnings for: disordered eating (anorexia), hospitalization, and an ng feeding tube.

Steve’s mother had a drawer full of diet pills.

She would take a few with her wine, and be much too full, no really she couldn’t dream of having another bite whenever dinner rolled around.

She would smile sadly at Steve and pinch at the softness of his belly, tell him darling, our looks are all we have.

And the diet pills were an easy solution.

Steve stole a few bottles. Not that she would even notice, began taking them to replace dinner. Then to replace breakfast and dinner.

Then he just, kinda stopped eating.

He would have something every few days, a few crackers or a spoonful of peanut butter, when the groans of his stomach were unbearable.

But then he learned to ignore it, to file it away and go days without food.

He kept the weight off.

Of course he did, he wasn’t putting anything in his body to balance it out.

And the thinner he got, the thinner he wanted to be.

He stopped working out.

Didn’t have much in the way of energy for it anyway.

And then his muscles were gone, and you could see his ribs through his skin.

Our looks are all we have.

He liked tracing his bones as he lay in bed at night, liked how delicate his collar bones felt, how sharp his hip bones were.

It didn’t matter that he’d wake up the next morning with a migraine and clumps of hair on the pillow.

His softness was gone, his cheeks weren’t pinch able anymore.

His parents came home to an empty fridge, and an empty drawer where diet pills used to be.

His father sneered at him, told him he looked like death warmed over.

His mother fussed with his clothes, tried to get them to fit right.

Nothing fit right.

But it didn’t matter.

Because he had his looks.

It doesn’t matter if his skin was waxy, or his hair was thinning.

Because his elegant bones stood out so beautifully.

“Jesus, Harrington.”

Billy was staring at him, staring at him like he wasn’t elegant. “You’re. Real skinny.” Steve tried to sit back up, tug on his shirt and kick Billy out of his house.

But he didn’t have enough energy to push Billy off him.

He couldn’t help getting angry, snapping at Billy.

“What about it, Hargrove?” Billy furrowed his brows, rolling off of Steve to sit next to him on the bed.

“Are you, like, are you anorexic?”

He watched Steve’s muscles shift under his skin as he sat up.

“You look-”

“I look how I want.”

“There’s no way you want this. Steve, you look like a fucking skeleton.” Steve pulled the blankets up of himself. Billy wouldn’t understand. “Why are you doing this?”

Because of a mother that always said our looks are all we have and Steven, must you eat like such a piglet? and a father that would say if you were a girl I’d tell you to marry well and people respect you if you’ve got money and looks. Don’t be an idiot and lose them.

“It’s what I want.”

“It’s killing you.” Billy’s eyes were wide. “Steve, you’ve gotta, like, go to the hospital or something. I don’t even know what to do.” He looked panicked, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides.

“You don’t have to do anything.”

But then Steve stood up.

His vision always fuzzed at the edges these days, but sometimes it just went black.

He woke up some time later, a dull pain in his head.

He opened bleary eyes, found himself in a hospital bed.

He glared at Billy sitting next to him. Billy glared right back.

“Why am I here?” His voice was raspy, his throat hurt.

Billy rolled his eyes, scoffing at him.

“Isn’t it fucking obvious?” Steve went to wipe at his nose, found a tube taped to his face, shoved up his nostril. His eyes went wide. “Yeah. Feeding tube.”

“What the fuck?”

“Look, you fucking passed out and I wanted to make sure you weren’t concussed. Basically, you’re fine but severely malnourished, so, feeding tube.”

“Fuck you.” Steve slumped against the bed. He had half a mind to yank the thing right out of him.

“Yeah, whatever.” Billy mirrored him, slumping back in the chair, his arms crossed over his chest. “Just, a lot of shit made sense, I guess. Every time I suggest a dinner date, you get this weird look in your eye. And you never eat the popcorn when we go to the movies.”

Steve looked down at his hands.

“How long?” Billy’s voice was soft again.

“I don’t even know. I’ve always, I don’t think I’ve ever felt good about myself.” He was fidgeting with his fingers.

Since when were they like that? So pale and frigid. They looked like skeleton hands.

“Steve, you do realize you’re hurting yourself, right? Like I mean, you’re just slowly starving to death.”

“Maybe that was the idea. To die in the slowest, most painful way I could on the off chance that someone would actually notice. Would bother to care.”

“I did. I noticed. I care.” Steve gave him a look.

“Not for nothing, but we’ve gone on like, six dates, and were just about to fuck when you got weirded out by my body. Not exactly the best reaction I’ve had.”

“Yeah, but at least I reacted.” Billy’s jaw was tense. He checked his watch. “They called your mom. She consented to have you admitted. You’re keepin’ the feeding tube and doin’ all kindsa therapy and shit. Your mom gave a big ol’ performance. I could hear her screaming through the phone about my precious, beautiful baby!” Billy put on a high voice to imitate her.

“So, they’re institutionalizing me?”

“Nah. You just can’t be trusted right now, so they’re getting you help.”

“So, it’s more like prison.”

“If prison was nicer and you got food shot through your special nose tube and a therapist told you how worthwhile you are every day.” Steve cracked a little smile at that. Just a tiny one.

“Will you visit me?”

“Probably not. I think if I did, they’d lock me up too.” Billy grinned as Steve laughed lightly. “‘Course I’ll visit.”

“Did they say how long?”

“Tops, a month. But your mom was babblin’ about some rehab center in Ottowa that her friend’s sister’s cabana boy’s cousin’s wife’s daughter’s husband went to, or some shit like that.”

“Isn’t rehab like, drugs?”

“Not necessarily.” Billy huffed, his face going serious. “I want you to, like, try. Talk your shit out in therapy and try to work up to eating on your own. I want you to be healthy.”

“But what if, what if my healthy is, like, a little bigger?” Steve had always had a little tummy, some extra meat on his hips and thighs, a round ass.

“Then I’ll fucking welcome it. I don’t care what your healthy looks like. I just want it.”

“You won’t when you realize I’m fat.”

“Yeah? Why not?” Billy had a challenge in his voice, had a sharpness in his eye.

Steve just shook his head.

“Okay, I seriously, don’t care if your body is big. If you’re happy, and you’re healthy, I don’t fucking care. There’s nothing bad about being fat.”

“Yeah? Tell that to my mother.” Steve scrunched his nose. The tube was uncomfortable, threaded through his nose and down his throat. The tape securing it to his face was itchy, and really, he just wanted to rip the damn thing out. “I don’t wanna hear what she’s gonna say.”

“I’ll stay here the whole time. Tell her to stuff it when she gets goin’.”

Steve smiled at him weakly.

“I just meant, like. If I start getting fat again.”

Billy narrowed his eyes.

“I think you meant, when you start getting healthy. Because you will. And that will come with weight gain, but that’s not bad. Having fat, being fat isn’t bad, Steve. I know you really don’t believe me right now, but I hope you will. Because it sucks seeing you hurt yourself when I think you’re still absolutely amazing no matter how your body looks.”

Jesus, it was so goddamn sweet. Kinda made Steve melt a little bit inside.

“I, uh, thanks. Thank you, Billy.”

Billy reached forward to take one of Steve’s hands in his. One of his cold, thin, hands. It was shocking, the difference between his hand and Billy’s. It was so much paler, so much thinned despite his hand being overall bigger.

“I’m kinda. I’m kinda scared. Is that stupid?”

“No. Getting better is probably gonna be hard. But, it’s important. You’re, important.” A deep flush was creeping up Billy’s neck, but he was holding eye contact with Steve. “And I’ll be around for you. If you want.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I want you around.”

Billy brought their hands up to press a kiss to the back of Steve’s hand.

“Then I’ll be there.”

#my therapist called me out so hard last week and it gave me the juice to finish this bad boy #the beginning is probably close to a year old at this point i have so many half-finished drafts rip #tw eating disorder #tw anorexia #tw feeding tube #tw ng tube #yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove

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