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kasagia · 4 months

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The grudge (Losing your memory pt. 2)

Pairing: Young! Coriolanus Snow x fem!Capitol! reader Summary: You promised you would destroy him. Be his ending at all costs. The fight between you begins. Both about his position as President of Panem and about the feelings you still have for him. But the question still haunts you... is your Coryo really gone? The second part of Losing your memory, but can be read as a separate oneshot. Although I recommend reading it. Inspired by: "The grudge" by Olivia Rodrigo and @uhnanix idea/request Taglist: @uhnanix @serving-targaryen-realness @diannana @aoi-targaryen @omgsuperstarg @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi @un06 @tallulah477 @snowspubes @hueanhdang @snowspubes @phsychobanana @blythlover ~•♤♤♤•~ Coriolanus Snow's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

"Wait... what do you want to do?" Clemensia Dovecote asks in shock when you invite her over a few days after your birthday party.

"You heard me." you reply calmly, playing with the Sejanus bracelet on your wrist.

"This is madness, Y/N. You can't… you…"

"You think so?" you ask, amused by her scandalized reaction. "The Capitol has seen stranger, worser things." you say, getting up from the couch and walking over to the mini bar to pour you both a drink. "Besides, you have to admit, it's an… exciting idea. People are going to love it… well, maybe not the old farts and those idiots from our year, but... I'm very optimisitc about it."

"Yes, but… my God, HE is going to hate you for this." she says with a growing smirk on her face. You laugh heartily and hand her the glass.

"This is the least of my worries. The question is... will you stand by my side?"

"Y/N? You've been quieter lately, has something happened?" your mother snapped you out of your thoughts as the three of you ate dinner together.

You replayed your conversation with Clemansia from a few months ago, wondering how to break the news to your parents… actually, now was as good a time as any. You doubt there would ever be a good time to convey something like this.

"I… actually yes." you say, clearing your throat and getting ready to drop the bomb on them.

"Is that Coriolanus? Did he propose to you?" you choke on the drink you were drinking and look at your mother with a dose of disbelief and disgust.

Apparently, the ridiculous amount of roses, chocolates, dresses, and even fucking jewellery that Coriolanus was sending you didn't go unnoticed by your mother. After the first month, you thought he would take the hint, but since he tirelessly sent you gifts, you stopped returning them to him damaged (e.g., cut roses and burned clothes) and decided to give them to the servants and maids and simply ignore that poisoned snake.

"What?! No, of course not. Besides, I wouldn't say yes like... never." you shudder at the thought, at which your father laughs, joining in on the conversation between the two of you for the first time.

"Then what is it?"

Their expectant glances intimidate you for a moment, and for the first time, you wonder if the decision you've made is right. But there was no turning back. You won't let Coriolanus win so easily (or, rather, at all).

"I… well. I've submitted my candidature for president of Panem."

The silence in the room after your statement is... extremely disturbing. They both freeze; your father holds the fork halfway to his mouth, staring at you in amazement, and your mother looks like they've frozen her. For a moment, you wonder if you've given them a heart attack. But your concern for them quickly fades when their loud collective screams echo throughout the dining room.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"So I guess I won't have your votes then?" you ask jokingly, going back to cutting your steak.

"Are you crazy? A female president?!" your mother asks indignantly, and you roll your eyes. Honestly, you were a little surprised at her shock. As if you would ever play her role as an obedient wife.

"You may not know it, mother, but more and more female politicians appear in the government. Right, dad?" you ask him, using your only-daughter charm on him, mentally thanking everyone above that this man never treats you with disrespect and hostility like other fathers would if their only child was a girl.

Maybe you kind of enjoyed being his precious diamond after all. Even if that made you desired by all of Capitol's young men, who were more than willing to take your hand in marriage and dowry.

"That doesn't mean you have to be one of them! Y/F/N, tell her something!" you look pleadingly at your father, and after his long silence, you already know that you are melting his heart to your will. All it took was a little, gentle pressure.

"What are your real chances of winning?" he asks with a sigh as your mother looks at him with disbelief.

"Y/F/N..."

"I think my only serious opponent is Coriolanus. People are fed up with these fearful politicians who have been arguing with each other for a long time. Me and Snow are a fresh take on Capitol affairs. We are young and ambitious. People may choose us out of curiosity alone. And among the female electorate, I think I have a much better chance than him... if you can convince mother to let me do this, of course. I won't do anything without your blessing and support." you reply, looking at him confidently. His face is unreadable, as are his eyes, and you silently hope that you have inherited his ability to hide your emotions.

"Y/F/N you can't think about that seriosuly. She can't do this!"

"If you want to be in power, wouldn't it be better for you to join forces? Run a joint campaign. You would become Prime Minister, and he would become President if being a First Lady didn't suit you."

"I am Y/L/N. I am taking everything or nothing." this one sentence makes his façade break down. He smiles and clears his throat, trying to hide his proud smirk behind his glass of wine.

"Very good. You know your bank account number. If you need more campaign funds, in a reasonable amount, of course, you know who to ask." you smile at this and get up from your chair, ignoring your mother's words of protest.

"Thank you, father." you say, kissing his cheek and leaving the dining room, leaving him to deal with your mother's anger. You had to call your staff. The game was about to start.

You enter the parliament building quite uncertainly. You are wearing a white suit made by Tigris. The black vest, which is intended to liven up the outfit, fits you a bit too tight, but you blame it on the fact that you've been stress-eating sweets lately. You will ask her to sew you appropriate clothes later.

For now, you wanted as few people as possible to know about your candidacy. You trusted Tigris, but there was no way in hell you could let Coriolanus find out about this beforehand. You will present him with a fait accompli.

Just like he did when he chose Lucy Gray.

You notice him first. He is wearing a blood-red suit and a snow-white shirt. You wonder if subconsciously it's his reminder of the deaths of the people who allowed him to be where he stands now, but you prefer to think that the bastard simply has no conscience.

You could easily escape from him, but you don't want to. Not any longer. He will be the one running away from you. So you walk straight up to him, the click of your high heels echoing off the marble floor of the Parliament building.

"Nice suit." you say to him. He lifts his head and turns to you as he hears your voice. You can't read the look in his cold, blue eyes, but you don't care about that now. You're only here to stick a pin in him before his performance. "You wore your father's clothes and now you wear Sejan's? Maybe you haven't really changed at all." you scoff at him, and he shakes his head with an equally mocking smile as yours.

"This is probably the latest collection from your favorite designer. Not that I remember." he says, putting his hands in his pockets and watching you carefully as he takes a step towards you.

"Impossible. My favourite designer is Tigris. And I heard that lately you're too much of a snobbish, self-assured asshole to wear what she made for you."

"Maybe it's because she's turning you against me, trying to convince you that I'm a monster?" he says this ironically as you both stare at each other.

You notice that the rose is missing from his jacket pocket. His hair is also messier, as if he's running a nervous hand through it—a habit that obviously hasn't died with your Coryo. You frown at this but shake it off to respond to his taunt.

"Maybe you are actually a monster, Coriolanus? Didn't that occur to you? How could anybody do the things you did so easily? Or maybe Dr. Gaul calls this an unconventional, out-of-the-box way of thinking?"

"At least she's not pretending to be someone she's not." he growls at you, furious, a grudge shining in his eyes, at which you seethe in anger. He, of all people, has no right to resent you.

"At least I can honestly say I'm not a murderer. And what about you?"

Before you can react, he takes a step towards you. One of his hands wraps around your throat like a snake. However, he remembers that you are in a public place and quickly moves his hand to your cheek and brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. His icy eyes are locked on yours as he tries to read any reaction from you. You give him nothing. And you're damn proud of it.

"If you didn't come to wish me luck in my first public appearance as a candidate for president, you should go. Before I give you a real reason to call me a monster, little diamond." he whispers quietly, the tone of his voice laced with threat, but you don't give a damn.

"Oh, snowy… I really wish you a lot of luck. You'll need it, my boy." you say, patting his chest dismissively. You walk away, making sure to bump his arm with yours as you move past him to go to the hall where the first recording for the presidential candidatures of Panem is to be held.

And you already know that it will be hard for you not to look at him, as a furious surprise will appear on his face when he sees that you will also be presenting your programme and announcing your candidature.

You've regretted your candidature many times over the past two weeks. Partly because you had to spend more and more time with the devil in a fancy suit. You didn't see this coming; you were too busy thinking about preventing him from winning. Now you had to attend balls with him and other candidates and various events that helped promote your campaigns, smile at cameras and photographers, and try to remain as polite and courteous to others as you needed.

Like now.

You were attending some important business event, and your uncomfortable high heels were digging into your skin, hurting you. But it was worth bleeding a little. You looked drop-dead gorgeous.

"Tomorrow you have an interview with the Capitol Times; the day after tomorrow we are promoting in the children's ward at the hospital; at the end of the week we both have to go to Fulvia Cardew's engagement party. And in the meantime, you have to go to at least three fittings of new clothes that Tigris made." Clemensia says, writing something down in her small notebook.

"Thanks, Clem. I don't know what I'd do without you." you say with a small smile as you sip your glass of champagne.

"You'd have to keep that stupid calendar and schedule yourself. If you want to help in some way, you can finally answer one of the many calls from Coriolanus. He torments both me and the servants in your house at night."

"And make my mother lose hope that someone is courting me? No thanks; this way, I have peace from her, and I don't have to talk to him longer than I should. Besides, I thought you liked it when I gave you the gifts he somehow managed to leave at my door."

"At some point, yes... but you will finally have to clean up the relationship between you two. Even if we win, Coriolanus will remain an important political player, and it would be good to have him on our side. Besides, it's obvious that he… oh shit. Gaul is coming." she says, terrified, and leaves you. You turn around just as the co-creator of The Hunger Games walks up to you.

“Miss Y/L/N. Congratulations. You surprised me.” you swallow the rest of the champagne and set the glass on the table behind you, preparing to face this crazy woman.

"I think half of the Capitol was in a similar condition. But I appreciate the gesture, Dr. Gaul." you say this with a polite smile as the woman looks you up and down. You're glad you're keeping yourself from trembling under her scrutinising, watchful gaze.

"Mr. Snow seemed to be particularly surprised. As soon as he returned to the lab, he came up with wonderful ideas for next year's Hunger Games." she boasts, and you smile fakely. It sickens you to think about what these two could have come up with for these poor children. But you don't show it. Instead, you chose to strike back.

"I heard that after Lucy Gray's disappearance, their... popularity dropped a bit. I hope things are going well with the sponsors? It would be such a shame if the project and ideas had to be... cancelled due to a lack of money."

"We're doing well. When Mr. Snow becomes president, I think the government will be more willing to fund them."

"IF Mr. Snow becomes president, Dr. Gaul." you correct her, slightly irritated. The woman smiles and nods her head mockingly.

"Of course... If." she says it with a wolfish, menacing smile.

You both stare at each other with hatred for a moment, both of you refusing to give up in your little battle. The atmosphere between you is tense.

You flinch when you feel a hand on your back. The delicate scent of roses begins to float in the air.

"Dr. Gaul. I am so happy to see you here. Y/N, you look amazing as always." Coriolanus says as he leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. You would wipe it in disgust if there weren't other people around you.

"Mr. Snow." Dr. Gaul greets him.

The mysterious smile never leaves her face as she watches the two of you. You remember what she just said. How Coriolanus was still so eagerly working with her on the Hunger Games. His hand on your back starts to burn you in an unpleasant way.

"Excuse me. I need to get some fresh air. It started to stink in here." you say, subtly implying that it's the scent of Coriolanus and his rose that bothers you as you walk away from them both.

You go to the roof of the penthouse, which is surprisingly empty, and take out a cigarette. You search for the lighter, thinking about what Gaul told you. Somehow you felt even more distant from Coriolanus... as if she emphatically confirmed what you already knew.

Your Coryo was completely gone. And there was nothing that could bring him back to you.

But why did you still care about him anyway?

"I didn't know you started smoking." you flinch when you hear his voice behind you.

You ignore him, trying to light the lighter, but to no avail. Apparently, today everything must have gone shitty for you. Seeing your struggles, he walks over to you. He takes a lighter from his pants pocket and holds it to your cigarette, lighting it.

"What the hell do you want?" you ask him madly, at which he raises his eyebrows, but he is not moving away from you.

"What? You won't even thank me? You know, I've helped you there. I could just leave you to talk with Gaul, but I walked in and took her attention from you." he says, stuffing the lighter and his hands into his pockets as he leans on the railing next to you, staring at the skyline of the Capitol below you.

"I didn't need a fucking hero. I could have left her at any time. Unlike you, I don't play vaseline, I don't humiliate myself, and I don't do anything I don't want to, just to please other people." you snort and blow a cloud of cigarette smoke at him. He coughs, looking at you offended, to which you just smirk.

"You know, I remember the time when you were doing everything in your power to please ME. In many, many ways, actually." he says, using his hand to wave away your clouds of cigarette smoke.

"Keep these memories close to you because they will never happen again. I'd rather be burned alive than ever sleep with you again." you say it with obvious disgust. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the furrow of anger forming between his eyebrows. "Don't frown. Or make-up artists will have a hard time covering your wrinkles."

"I have no idea why you are so aggressive and act madly when it comes to me. I didn't do anything to you." he responded firmly to your mocks, never taking those ice-blue irises off of you.

"That's the problem, Coriolanus! You think that you don't do anything wrong, when the truth is that you are taking actions that are terrible. I feel like puking just looking at you and thinking about how many children will suffer because of Dr. Gaul's and your crazy ideas." you burst out furiously at him. You are now standing opposite each other, both of you glaring at the other in a furious, defiant way.

"The Hunger Games are necessary."

"Bullshit." you interrupt him before he can make any arguments. You see him sigh, running a hand through his gelled hair.

You catch yourself subconsciously missing his curls and how you used to stroking them when he was lying with you on your couch and reading a set book for one of your classes…

"Have you ever been in the District? 10, 11, 12? No. You didn't. You have no idea what kind of people are leaving there. You live in the safety of the Capitol, and you have no idea how quickly these rats can start a civil war and rebellions. Did you forget what they did to us? How have we suffered? I lost my father, and my family went poor. I had to pretend that I was still a rich snob. Tgiris, my grandmother, and I starved more than once; they wanted to throw us out of the apartment. I had nothing but a meaningless name and family."

"You know, that was the time when you had everything. You had friends, family, and a girlfriend. My love and limitless devotion, respect, and admiration. Now what do you have left? Money? Power? Glory? Besides, people are not the same. They can be good, Coriolanus. The fact that you are too afraid to see or admit it is proof of how huge a coward you actually became." you say it disappointedly, dropping the cigarette to the floor and stomping on it.

"I am not..." he pauses as you look up at him, and your eyes meet. He thought that no one could silence him. But one look from you, full of resentment and sadness, makes him fall silent.

You make him feel weak. As if he was still that poor teenager who had to hide his family's terrible financial situation. Only now he's hiding the fact that your words are actually reaching him. That they actually hurt him.

He couldn't afford to have any weaknesses. He had to be strong, tough, and decisive. However, after one look at you, it was enough for him to begin to question everything he had learned under Dr. Gaul. To question everything he did after the fucking Hunger Games and Lucy Gray.

"Yes, you are. Everything you are doing and every bad decision you've made, you made out of fear. Fear of losing your life. Of losing your position. Of never coming back to the Capitol. You are a coward who desperately tries to play the brave man that matters in this world."

"You have no idea what it was like in the district! Or in the Hunger Games, when I had to get Sejanus out of there. You don't know what you would do in such a situation, so don't you dare stand there and judge me. Not when all I could think about in those days, what kept me away from absolute madness, was you." he says, desperately trying to present his actions to you as right, to make you understand his point of view and the reasons why he did all of these.

"Maybe not. Maybe I don't know what it's like. But I would never become the cause of the death of my best friend. You have his blood on your hands. I will never forgive you that." you notice him flinching at your words, but that's all you can see through the mask of indifference he suddenly decided to wear. But his eyes—his eyes and the emotions hidden in them—remind you so much of your Coryo.

"Do you think I have removed it from my memories? That his screams didn't haunt me in my dreams? That I simply forgot about him?"

"You are certainly on a good way to do it, Coriolanus." your soft whisper gives him goosebumps. You look at each other for a moment. When you realise he has nothing to say, you shake your head, laughing bitterly, mocking yourself for thinking for a moment that he really was more than just the cruel Gamemaker, and turn away.

You walk towards the exit, but suddenly you hear his quick footsteps behind you. He wraps his arms around your waist with one hand and holds your hands with the other, making sure you don't break away. He rests his forehead against the back of your head, inhaling your scent for a moment before whispering into your ear.

"Do you remember that place?" he asks, his nose stroking your cheek. "Our second date. Sejanus, let me take you to one of his parents' penthouses. They were supposed to be on vacation, but they came back earlier. We had to hide on the roof and wait since they would leave so we too could. We had a picnic here. I was holding you close to my chest, a little closer than I am doing now. It started to rain. I was furious because I wanted everything to be perfect for you, and as always, everything went terribly wrong. I wanted to look at the stars with you and run my hands through your hair while you fell asleep on my chest, cuddling up to me as if I were your teddy bear. I loved feeling the weight of you on me. In every circumstance. Anyway, we gathered everything and ran to your house. You let me into your room through the window. We took a hot shower together and..."

"And then happened the worst sex I've ever had." you interrupt him, trying to regain control of the situation. He only laughed at that, which made your heart skip a beat when, for the first time in so many months, you hear him laughing truly, not in a mocking, bitter, or fake way.

"The worst? Your moans and scratches on my back proved otherwise. Besides, considering it was the first time for both of us, I guess I did a good job. Your silky skin has haunted my dreams since that night. It never stopped. And judging by the way you are breathing right now, you also seem to think about that time fondly. We can do it again at my place tonight if you want. I am now in a much better position to truly make your nights unforgettable."

"I'd rather be bitten by one of Dr. Gaul's snakes, but thanks for the offer." you huff, getting out of his arms and pushing him away from you as you go to the exit of the Plinth's penthouse's roof.

"Don't tempt me. You know I can arrange it. Sucking the poison out of your delicate skin with my mouth is a really tempting alternative." he says, following you as you both return to the main hall.

"Disgusting pervert." you whisper over your shoulder so that only he can hear you in the crowd of elites and reporters who have gathered.

"Both of us, my darling. Both of us. But the point is..." he grabs your hand and helps you down the stairs as if he was a true gentleman. You would roll your eyes at this, but people have already noticed, you know, that you have hardened the mask of politeness on your face. "I remember everything. I am not losing my memory. I never will. Not about you. Not about us." he whispers, and you feel his blue eyes burning a hole into your temple with how intensely he stares at you.

"You must be mad to think that I will just go back to you. Besides, I don't have time for you. My voters are waiting for me."

He chuckles and gives you a mysterious, quizzical look that you can't read. But before you can analyse his stance, he pulls your hand to his mouth and places a gentle kiss on it. His full lips tease your skin, setting it alight with the reminder of all the times he's had the opportunity to do this.

He pulled away from you as quickly as he leaned into your hand. He smiles, giving you a view of his pearly teeth. How pleased the devil is...

"We shall see, my little petal." he whispers. Your old nickname he gave you one day is sounding as perfectly sweet as it used to, and you are not sure how much strength you have left in you to not let him melt your heart. Then he walks away from you, leaving you in the crowd of other people.

And you stand there, rooted to the floor, and all you can do is stare at the back of his head as you try to snap out of the feeling of his lips against your skin, trying not to dream of experiencing all of him again.

A week later, you were returning from another party. You managed to sneak out a little earlier than usual without anyone noticing. Relieved, you got into the empty elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. You leaned against the wall and sighed, rubbing your neck, where you wore a diamond necklace. Your momentary alone relief didn't last long.

As usual, you smelled him first. The faint hint of roses hit you as the man leaned against the wall of the elevator next to yours, giving you some space. You glanced at him casually. This time, he didn't have a rose on his vest. He was also much paler.

"The makeup artists chose the wrong powder for you." you say, not knowing why you even initiated a conversation with him.

"Was Thomas so tired that he couldn't stay with you until the end? Was he too scared to hold on to the precious diamond that had fallen into his hands like a grain to a blind hen until the end of the night?" he responds to your taunt. You frown at the hint of jealousy in his voice.

Coryo has always been possessive and unsure of your relationship and whether you might leave him one day for someone better. Therefore, any man's attention towards you caused... unpleasant feelings for him. He obviously still had this behaviour towards you. Even though you were no longer together.

"He has an exam. Anatomy or some other shit. But don't worry, he will definitely accompany me when the election results are announced."

"Seriously? Are you now going to show off with that little boy-toy?" he asks you furiously. You can feel how his cold blue eyes are piercing right through you.

"Livia Cardew?" you scoff as well, opening your eyes to glare at him with an equally disgusted look. "But you know what? Actually, I'm not surprised. The biggest whore in Capitol. After you, of course."

"You slept with that whore 374 times. Which makes you equally slutty, little petal." he says with a cheeky smirk. You huff, folding your arms as you look at him in disbelief.

"I can't believe you were pathetic enough to actually count this."

"You're lucky I've lost count of the number of orgasms you've had because of me."

"And you are disgusting." you shake your head, impatiently waiting for the elevator to go down to the ground floor so you can get far away from him. You try hard not to think about all the times you had… done this.

But he doesn't let you go that easily. He leans down and brushes your hair back to give him better access to your ear to whisper.

"And you crave me as much as I crave you, my darling."

"Do you think that just because you started donating to charity organisations, I will suddenly fall into your arms or into your bed? You think I don't know you're doing this as part of a campaign? To get more votes? Are you that stupid to think that I will fall for it and believe that you are trying to be a better man for me?" you ask him, angry and defensive, mocking him.

"I'm starting to doubt my ability to do anything you could approve of. But it's nice that you still care about me enough to be interested in what I do."

"You can give up your candidature for president if you want to see me happy." he laughs at your words, looking at you with a mischievous smirk.

"And make it so easy for you? No way, my darling. We both know that only the two of us have a real chance of winning. You should finally surrender and join me. We both know this is where we'll end up. I, with you by my side, just as it has always been."

"Not always. I remember very well the time when it was only you and your songbird." the elevator is on the second floor when he aggressively presses the stop button.

You try very hard to hide from him the fact that you feel insecure in this situation. In a small space, with him practically at your fingertips, you don't know if you can control yourself. So you try to remember all the disgusting crimes he committed.

"It was just a game. A show for the Capitol. You know I had to win. It didn't end the way I wanted, but you know perfectly well that I had to do it." he says, placing his hands gently on your shoulders as he tries his hardest to keep your eyes on him and you standing still in your place for the time he talks.

"I've already told you this. There is always another choice." you growl in his face, furious, refusing to give up.

"You wouldn't even talk to me if I still remained a nobody. You would have dumped me the moment it became known to all Panem that my family was poor and that Snow's name meant nothing. And marrying you would only be a distant dream of a madman."

"As if you had any chance now." you mock him with a laugh. You somehow push him away from you and press the start button. The elevator starts moving down again.

"I have your parents' blessing."

"And my disgust and resentment towards you."

There is silence between you for a moment. He stubbornly stares at your face, trying to read some emotion there, but you give him nothing but a blank stare at the door in front of you as you impatiently wait for it to open.

"What do you do when you win?" his question catches you off guard for a moment. You look at him in shock.

"What?"

"What do you do when you win? Bring an end to the Hunger Games? Try to get me killed? Why are you doing all of this?" he asks, standing directly in front of you. Your chests rub against each other with every breath you take. You lift your head slightly, staring at him defiantly.

"So YOU won't win." you finally reply, shuddering as he takes your hand gently in his and starts tracing patterns on it with his thumb.

He leans towards you so that you could rest your chin on his shoulder if you wanted to. You shiver, feeling the warmth of his body close to yours and feeling his lips gently brush against your earlobe.

"Snow lands on top." he whispers, hot air caressing your ear as he bites the lobe of it.

"Y/L/N takes everything." you whine, digging your nails into his neck. He gasps in surprise, his hands gripping your waist tightly as he presses you against the elevator wall with his body.

"Or nothing. But don't worry. When I win, there will be no one who can stop me from marring you."

"IF you win, then I will be gone. You will never find me. Just like your little songbird." you can see the fury in his eyes at the mere mention of her. His grip on you tightens.

"She is not mine. You are. Accept it and end this. You don't want to be president. I do. There is nothing more powerful than you and me, so and this damn kind of punishment for me and accept your place as my First Lady."

"Maybe I don't want this… but it will be so funny to watch you fail," you say, tilting your head and watching him closely as his nostrils flare with rage at your stubbornness. "Besides, I'd rather shoot myself in the head than be your wife."

"There was a time when you wanted it. When it was all we dreamed of. You and me. Together. Against the whole world."

"That's how it was. When I thought you were worth something more, when you were my top priority. I thought you wanted something more than money and power, but it looks like I never meant for you that much to be as important to you as you were to me. Or maybe I didn't know you at all." you say, no longer hiding the hurt in your voice, and you press the button on the damn elevator to get away from him.

You promised yourself that you wouldn't show him how much he hurt you or how much you missed him. But apparently he wanted to make sure he destroyed not only your Coryo but you as well.

You look away from him, ignoring the fact that he suddenly went quiet next to you. All he did was look at you. And you avoided his gaze, afraid that you would melt in front of him and that you would show him your heart again.

The elevator opens, and you sigh in relief. However, it doesn't last long. You tense up when you see reporters downstairs, waiting at the exit.

"Smile for the picture." you say, and drag him with you towards the exit.

You quickly let go of his arm as he obediently follows you, and you try to ignore the fact that his fingers lightly brush against your hand as if he wants to grab it. You move away from him gently and quickly walk past the reporters and paparazzi.

You quickly get into your car and nod to the driver to go. You lean back in your seat and sigh deeply, placing a hand over your racing heart. You can't help but glance at Coriolanus.

Thanks to your car's tinted windows, he can't see you. Still, he watches your car with his eyes, and for a small moment, you think that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't all rotten to the core. Maybe, in his twisted way, he still cares about you.

The first round of elections was behind you. As you expected, Coriolanus and you achieved the greatest results. The game for the presidency of Panem has begun to be fought solely between you two.

And you were about to play the first dirty card against him. Clemensia nods at you as you head towards the podium and the microphone.

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you very much for all your votes and the trust you have placed in both me and my, well, rival after all." people chuckle gently, you find Coriolanus' curious gaze in the crowd. "I am convinced that, no matter who of us wins the upcoming elections, Panem will be in good hands anyway." You see a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes as he comes closer, moving freely through the crowd. The look in his blue eyes never leaves you for a minute. You would tremble, intimidated by his attention, if you didn't know, what would happen in a few minutes. "Without further ado, I would like to introduce someone who will certainly make this evening more pleasant. You have no idea how much I had to beg our star of the evening to agree to perform today. Ladies and gentlemen. At my ask and to your delight. The one and only Lucy Gray Baird!"

As you leave the stage, you glance at Coriolanus, seeing him staring at the woman with the guitar appearing on stage in shock and mild horror.

You stand further away from the crowd, on the other side of the room—as far away from Coriolanus as you can be—and watch him carefully, leaning against the wall.

You have to admit that Lucy Gray is stunningly beautiful. And the legend she has created around herself, her voice, and her skills only make her more perfect in the eyes of others.

You're not surprised that she charmed Coriolanus months ago and now. In fact, you expect Snow, too overcome with emotion upon meeting her again, to forget his façade and pursue her. With a bit of luck, maybe your people will be able to take compromising photos of him.

But you are surprised when, after watching her for a while, he shifts his gaze to the crowd of people, looking for something. You freeze when his eyes meet yours. You raise an eyebrow, not sure why, instead of staring at the girl, he stubbornly searches for your gaze. Or rather, you don't want to admit that you know the reason why, because that's exactly why you quickly leave the great hall of parliament and run away from the man who is now walking towards you.

And much to your misfortune, Coriolanus Snow learns from his mistakes. That's why you suddenly bump into someone a few metres from the exit at the end of the corridor leading to the elevator. You collide against a wall of toned muscles. His arms quickly wrap around you, keeping you from falling.

"Leaving so soon?" his whisper sent unwanted shivers down your spine, as did how close your face was to his.

"Get your hands off me." you snap at him and get out of his grip. You stare at the elevator, contemplating how to get past him and get in, but he sees your intentions in your eyes and blocks any escape route with his body.

"What game are you playing?" he asks, staring at you. You lift your head, returning his defiant glare. "I don't even care how the hell you found her. Why is she here? What do you need her for?"

"Shouldn't you try to catch your little songbird before she flies away again?" you mock, ignoring all of the questions he asked you.

"I am." he says, staring firmly at you, making you more confused by his actions than before. He should have been after Lucy Gray… why the hell was he keeping you pinned to the wall, blocking your only escape route with his body?

"What?"

"I am not letting you run away. We are solving this here and now." he says this, looking around the hall. You take advantage of his moment of inattention and try to free yourself from his strong grip, but he doesn't move even an inch in your struggle. Fuck his peacekeeper training.

"We have nothing to solve, get it into your stupid head!" you shout at him in frustration, unable to get out of his arms.

"You know what your main problem is? You don't allow yourself the idea that you might be wrong or that you don't know everything about me. I may be a monster, but I've never lied to you. About anything. Lucy Gray and I had nothing when you were with me. Whoever gave you these stupid rumours was lying. Ask her. She'll tell you that the only thing I did was kiss her. When I was drunk in District 12, exactly the day after I got there. And do you know why? Because I was convinced I had fucked up my life and I would never see your damn face again. And fuck, even kissing her couldn't get you out of my mind. All I thought was you. All I think about is you. I can admit it out loud. How about you?"

"I despise you." you growl angrily, struggling in his arms.

"Yes? Then why did you frame Livia for engagement to Festus? You think I don't know it's because of you that they were caught fucking in the garden together?"

"I wanted to discredit you. Show that your girlfriend is sleeping with anyone on the side. Besides, you made Thomas fail at university, and he had to retake his exams today, which is why he couldn't show up. I had to take revenge."

"No. You were jealous of me. You wanted to get rid of her and you did. Why are you playing the gardener dog? Why don't you just admit that you want me?" you roll your eyes at him, trying your hardest to hold on to your internal irritation and fury at him. But it was a very demanding task, considering how his mesmerising icy-blue eyes were now watching you very carefully.

"I don't want you." you say, trying to sound firm but also a little indifferent, enough for him to believe you. But you can see by the way his eyebrow raises that you've screwed up something.

"Yes? Then kiss me." his sudden command leaves you extremely stunned. You almost lose the fight with yourself to keep your jaw from opening from shock.

"What?"

"If you despise me, if you don't care about me, then you will have no problem with kissing me and walking away like nothing had happened." he explains, moving closer to you, your noses brushing against each other, you feel his breath brush against your lips, and the warmth of his mouth is so close that it makes you feel as if you could actually touch him.

"Let me go. I'm not going to make a fool of myself for your own amusement. Those days are gone forever; we are not a couple, and we will never be together again. Get over it!"

"Then kiss me. C'mon. Prove your point. Kiss me as if you hate me. As if you despise every little part of me just as much as you claim. Prove that you have absolutely no feelings towards me despite hatred and grudges."

And God, you want it. You want it so much that it hurts you not to be able to press your lips to his right here and now.

You know that the moment your lips meet his, all your cold demeanour towards him will melt away like snow in spring. You know that you will easily return to his arms, giving yourself to him and proving nothing in your favor. And you've come so far—too far—to let him see past your facade now, to let him make you want him even more than you already do.

You shiver as he leans in so that his nose brushes yours as he gently cups your cheeks in his hands. He doesn't make the first move. Of course not. This cunning snake tempts you to give in to your greatest, darkest desires, which you feel ashamed of for having managed to survive in the recesses of your heart.

"End this torment. For both of us sake."

Just a gentle touch, you think, hearing his whisper and feeling his body softly press against yours, complementing you perfectly as always. One taste of his lips. Just one...

Your heart beats fast, and your breaths are mingling in the small space still left between you two. With a trembling hand, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. His fucking eyes are all you can look at, the unspoken request shining so brightly in them that you can't mistake his desire for anything else. And you give in, tilting your head to place your lips so close to him...

A loud bang makes you both pull away from each other. A drunk senator staggers towards the elevator, nodding at the two of you. He mumbles something under his breath, and after a quick glance towards Coriolanus and a nod of his head, you decide that he will walk him away and make sure he doesn't tell (or remember) how outrageously close the two of you were just moments ago.

You walk back to the party, trying to calm down enough to let the blush fade from your cheeks.

You make sure that Clem sends Lucy to her hiding place after her performance, and you continue to politely smile and pose for photos, promoting your allegiance.

And the next day, when you are reading the morning newspaper, you notice in one of the photos that this bastard put a rose behind your ear.

It was raining heavily.

It was late at night as you were preparing for your speech the next day. You walked around your room with a piece of paper in your hand, gesturing and practicing proper intonation and posture.

“Miss Y/L/N?” you stop when you hear the voice of one of your maids. "We have… an unusual situation."

"What? Did something happen?" you ask, confused at her uncertain tone of voice.

"It depends on how you interpret the situation, miss." you raise an eyebrow at her questioningly. She points to the window. You frown in surprise, but walk over to the window anyway.

"What the bloody hell is he doing here?" you whisper, seeing Coriolanus standing in your garden. He was completely soaked. His hair and coat were soaked with water, clinging to him as he stared at your window, standing still as the rain hit him.

"David says he's been there for several hours. He tried to talk to him and get him to leave, but Mr. Snow… just stands there."

Your first instinct would be to close the curtains and pretend he wasn't there, but you didn't want to think about the scandal that would start if anyone found out that your rival was standing outside your window in the full rain like some lovesick puppy. It was obvious he had to be here for a reason. It was probably some dirty play on his part. Something that was intended to negatively impact your candidature.

But then you looked at him. Even when you showed up, his gaze was... disturbingly empty. He couldn't fake it that well. It was not like he could completely hide his reaction to seeing you.

"Does anyone else know about this?" she shakes her head, and you sigh. You have no idea why he's standing outside your window in the heavy rain. You're just thanking fate for him choosing the day your parents left the Capitol to behave so strangely. You just hoped no meddlesome paparazzi saw him. "All right. Make sure it stays that way." you ask her and walk out of your room.

Walking downstairs to get to your coat and umbrella, you wonder why the hell he's standing outside in front of your mansion, staring at your window, risking getting sick with all the rain pouring down on him furiously.

It has happened before that he was standing under your window. Before this whole Hunger Games thing started, Dr. Gaul and Lucy Gray he would often sneak up to you through your window to talk about what was bothering him.

But that was a long time ago. And now you had no idea what he was doing out there and in all this rain.

You wrap your coat around yourself and take an umbrella as you go outside. The rain somehow seeps through your shields, hitting you unpleasantly. Water droplets start to soak into your clothes. You wonder how he stayed there for so many hours.

"What the hell are you doing here? Are you crazy?! Is this another one of your sick tricks against me?!" you shout, walking towards him. But he doesn't answer. His eyes are locked on you as he stands there, motionless. You notice that his eyes are bloodshot from crying, and his hands are shaking slightly, as well as all of his body. You don't know if it's from the cold or from crying. "Coriolanus?" you ask, starting to seriously worry about him.

He trembles even more, not looking at you. He fixes his gaze on your shoes. What worries you is that he is completely oblivious to the rain pouring down on him. As if he didn't feel anything at all anymore.

“Alright, come on.” you say, pulling him by the arm towards your mansion. You hide him a bit under the umbrella, but it doesn't change the fact that he's soaked like a dog. Maybe even worse.

His silence, the lack of any emotion on his face, worries you. You haven't seen him like this before. So… empty.

You enter the house through the back entrance. You put the umbrella down and turn towards him. Seeing that he's still not reacting to any stimuli and acting like he's on some kind of autopilot, you walk up to him and start unbuttoning his coat.

He doesn't comment on your behavior. Neither do you say anything. You just want to get him out of all those wet clothes so he won't get seriously sick... You have no idea why you worry or why you care. Maybe you are on some kind of autopilot too.

As you lead him to your room, you are involuntarily reminded of all the times he snuck there with you. When you were still the closest people to each other in this world. When you came to each other for comfort. When you were each other's only shelter.

"I should still have some of your old clothes here. You should go change and take a warm bath. There's no way you wouldn't get sick after this." you say, walking over to your clothes chest and looking for some of his old shirts and pants.

"Grandma'am is dead." he says it in an empty, emotionless tone of voice. You freeze in shock and slowly turn to face him. He still stands where you left him, his gaze blankly fixed on the space next to you.

You don't say anything. You don't know what to tell him anyway. You just stare at him, waiting for him to say something more. It bothers you how he just… doesn't do anything. Acting as if all that was left of him was an outer shell, a facade that barely held together.

You walk up to him and take his cold hand hesitantly into yours. You stare at them for a moment and look up, meeting his icy, bloodshot eyes.

"I... I am so sorry, Coriolanus." his bitter laugh at your words might be a good sign after his disturbing behaviour earlier, but somehow it worries you even more than his silent attitude and blank stare.

''You will never forgive me, will you? You will always see me only as a monster? As a murder and nothing more?" he asks, hearing that you still call him by his name, even at a time like this. The version he hated, instead of the sweet nickname he hadn't heard in a long time. Which even Tigris stopped using.

"Thta's not..." you start, concerned at the calm tone in which he says it. As if the truth of what was happening between you was starting to dawn on him.

"This is exactly what I am to you! A heartless monster! But you know what?! I AM NOT! And you... you are a hypocrite." he starts getting angry and pushes your hands away from him as he paces around your room.

"Me?!" you scream at him, disbelieving. You step in front of him, blocking his path and forcing him to face you.

"YES! You! You may not be a murderer, but you do something much worse. Your indifference, your hatred, and your aversion towards me—do you think it doesn't do anything to me? You've been killing me and hurting me day after day since I left the fucking Capitol and was sentenced to exile. And since I came back, your face, your voice, and your memories haunt me more than ever before. Missing you is killing me. Watching you from afar is killing me. Not being able to hold you in my arms is killing me. You said you could confidently say you're not a murderer. I do not agree. You kill me every day, and each time in a more cruel way. But all I can do is follow you like some faithful puppy, waiting for you to change your mind and give me a chance to show you that I'm not lost, that I'm not a monster, and that I didn't WANT any of this to happen! I spend every sleepless night, when I can't pass out in bed due to exhaustion and lack of sleep, thinking about you! And even now... when my life is falling apart around me, all I can do is... come to you. Just like I've always done."

He's shaking with emotion, and you think you've never seen him so moved or so shaken before. You wonder if he might have gotten drunk, but those thoughts quickly leave you when he suddenly leans down and wraps you in his arms. He buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent as he continues to shiver. His wet clothes start to soak yours, but all you feel is his breath on the skin of your neck.

"I miss you so much, petal…" he whispers, and you stroke his wet hair, unable to tell if it's his tears soaking the collar of your shirt or his wet clothes or skin from rain. In fact, it doesn't really matter to you at all right now.

"Why did you come here? Of all places…"

"And where else could I go?" he interrupts you, his eyes looking at you so… pleadingly. As if there really was no other place on earth he could go in such a situation, where he could wallow in his grief and despair.

"I don't know… to Livia or…" he cuts you off before you can finish your sentence. He tangles his hand in your hair and pulls you in for a kiss. His lips are terribly cool against yours, but it only enhances how amazing you feel as he caresses your lips tenderly with his.

He slowly steals the warmth from you, which you're strangely happy about while he's deepening the kiss. You press yourself against him, slowly warming him up, his wet clothes uncomfortably transferring their wetness to yours, which you ignore in favour of kissing him. Just like the drops of cold water dripping from his hair onto your forehead, which doesn't sober you up and doesn't make you move away from him. If anything, you place your hand around his neck and pull him closer.

Eventually, though, you both have to pull away, gasping for air. You both take shaky breaths, his forehead resting against yours, as your senses slowly begin to come back to you. But you're secretly glad that his hands don't leave you as he uses the pad of his thumb to stroke your cheek, your lips, your cheekbone, anywhere he has a chance to touch you, as long as he doesn't take his hand away from your face.

"Only you saw me in my fragile form. Only you saw my shattered heart and the shell of myself. I... only allow myself to be vulnerable with you." he whispers with his eyes closed, keeping his forehead pressed against yours, trying his best to hold on to you as if you were his only anchor.

"Being sad, mad, or vulnerable doesn't mean being weak. Don't be ashamed of having emotions. I... all I ever wanted... was for you to... to be something more than all of these people in the Capitol. To be someone more than what Dr. Gaul tried to mould you into. You are a good man, Coryo. Please show me that you can still be that man. That my friend and lover is still there."

You don't talk to each other anymore after that. You don't know whether he has heard your request or is even considering granting it. All you know is that you lost that night. That the rational part of you had gone to fuck itself, seeing him so vulnerable and hurt, just as you were.

So, when he tries to break away from you and walk away, you grab his wrist tightly, stopping him.

"Stay. Don't go." you whisper. You don't know if it's a request or an order. He doesn't think twice about it either, turning back to you after a moment and pulling you into his chest as he holds you tightly in his arms and buries his face in your hair.

And he stays. You manage to get him to take a hot shower and some medicine in case he catches a cold.

This night, you fell asleep in each other's arms. Every now and then you stop stroking his hair, his back, and drawing patterns on his chest to use the pad of your thumb to gently wipe away the tears that sometimes fall from his gorgeous blue eyes.

And in the morning, when all that remains from him is a scent of him, of his cologne, and a dent on the pillow, you can't help but feel disappointed and silently hope that maybe your Coryo is still alive.

You haven't had a chance to be alone with him since then. You both are too busy running your campaign and the ongoing rivalry between you two.

However, you notice that he has stopped sending gifts, late-night phone calls, or other ways of getting your attention. Whatever relationship you had was purely political. You didn't know whether to be happy or cry.

Tigris stopped talking about him. You don't know if it's a good change, but she doesn't mention her cousin anymore. She was quieter after her grandmother died. The black clung to her wardrobe and skin, highlighting her paler than usual complexion.

It was the evening they were supposed to announce the election results.

You took the elevator to the top floor of the Snow apartment, picking up Tigris and Clem on the way and heading to your house to either celebrate your success or failure.

You sigh tiredly, leaning against the elevator behind you. You close your eyes and listen as it moves up to the next floor.

You open your eyes when you hear a soft, buzzing sound. Things have changed a bit since you were last here. The interior was, of course, renovated and more elegant, but somehow... more emptier.

You try to shake off the feeling as you go further.

"Tigris?! I'm here!" you shout as you enter the living room.

You look around curiously, waiting for the blonde. You walk over to the bookshelf, looking through its contents. You choose one of the books and sit on the couch, but before you open it, you notice a framed photo on the coffee table.

You take the frame in your hands and look at an old photo of you and Coryo at the end of one year at the Academy. You cup your hand around his cheek, pulling him closer to you as you press a kiss on his cheek.

You smile as you remember the circumstances of taking this photo.

Sejanus found an old camera among his father's belongings. He insisted on taking photos to celebrate the end of a difficult year of study for all of you. You didn't know that Sejan developed the photos and gave them to Coriolanus.

And you certainly didn't expect him to keep them.

“I'm afraid Tigris is not here.” you place the photo on the coffee table and slowly turn towards Coriolanus. His hair is not combed with gel; it is slightly messy, and he has those adorable, damn curls on his head again. "She left a few minutes ago. You must have passed each other."

"Oh. She probably went to Clem's." you say, standing there slightly awkwardly and looking at him. He's wearing a black shirt and pants. Slightly wrinkled for your taste and definitely too wrinkled for his. "Are you alone?" you ask, unable to stop yourself.

"I am." he says, putting his hands in his pockets, walking around the couch so that he's now standing next to you, and picking up the book you were planning to read before Tigris came downstairs. "I guess your Thomas is waiting for you at your home."

"We... kind of broke up. Well, we weren't together, but… our paths diverged." you admit, taking the opportunity to have his back turned to you as he walked over to put the book back on the shelf. You can see his shoulders tense slightly. You've never wanted to run your hands down his muscular back more.

"What a pity. Right when I remembered his name…" he murmured. You take a few steps towards him, the click of your high heels echoing throughout the empty apartment.

"You always knew it, you were just too offended and angry to use it." he chuckles at your words and turns to face you, leaning his back gently against the bookshelf.

"Maybe." he hums, nodding his head, his eyes studying you intently.

"Maybe." you repeat after him, warmth rising in your chest as you see a stray strand of his hair fall onto his forehead.

"You should go back. I believe they will announce the results soon." he moves past you to grab the photo from the coffee table and places it on the chest of drawers next to the chair next to the bookcase. In the meantime, he turned on the TV, and he was right—they were going to report the results soon.

"What will you do if… you don't win?" you ask him, and he freezes for a moment. He sets things on the shelf, trying to arrange everything perfectly as he ponders his answer. You are getting a little nervous since you can't see his eyes or facial expression.

"I'll think of something for myself. Don't be happy. You won't be able to dance over my grave for a long time." you snort, shaking your head in amusement at his answer.

"I believe that in this case, it will be you who will be dancing at my funeral. And quite quickly."

"Stop it. You know damn well that I would never hurt you." he snaps at your answer as he turns to face you. You have been taken aback by his sudden reaction, but your defense system quickly kicked in.

"Sejanus..."

"I regret it every fucking day. Every day I wake up in the morning and don't see you on the other side of my bed. Every day I spend time surrounded by people I can't trust. Every day when I see Tigris' betrayed look and your disappointed, hurt gaze, it haunts my dreams as much as his screams. And maybe I'm a monster because I really don't care if he lives or dies, but I REGRET IT. Honestly. By you. Because of you. Because I lost you. I... I had lost you." he whispers the last sentence, as if it's only now dawning on him what really happened. It breaks your heart to see him like this, especially after what happened a few weeks ago.

"Coriolanus..." you say this and reach out to grab his arm, but this time he's the one pulling away from you. And the treatment you've gotten from him, just the same as you've once treated him, is tasting bitter.

"Just leave." he says, his eyes averting from you as he stares at the window overlooking the Capitol.

You walk up to him and place your hand on his shoulder. He turns his gaze away from the city in front of him and looks at you questioningly, not understanding what you are doing right now.

'Coriolanus... I..."

"And the president of Panem becomes… Y/N Y/L/N! Congratulations, Madam President!" the hosts' shouts and fanfare echo from the television, interrupting you. It takes you a while to realise what happened. Your hand falls from his shoulder as you stare dazedly at the TV behind him. You won. You became president.

Realisation hits you. You have no idea what will happen next. And... you're afraid. But not that you can't handle it. Not that you'll have a lot of new responsibilities, or even how many people you'll have to deal with from now on. NO. You are afraid that HE will never be close to you again. And the last few weeks... the last few weeks, maybe even months—had shown you that you couldn't live without him next to you anymore.

You needed Coriolanus Snow… as much as he needed you.

"Congratulations." his words snap you out of your shock and numbness. He sticks out his hand, waiting for you to take it and shake it. But you can only stand there, staring at him as you try to sort out your feelings. "You won't even shake my hand? Am I not worth even that, Madam President?"

You shake your head.

You hear him snort, laughing bitterly at your action, believing this is another example of your stubborn behaviour towards him. He drops his hand, obviously hurt, and is about to respond when you suddenly take a step towards him, cup his cheeks in your hands, and pull him in for a kiss.

He is surprised. Probably the same as you, but he gets over it rather quickly as he automatically responds to your kiss, caressing your lips with his as fervently as ever.

At some point, you end up on his couch, your hands moving from his neck to under his shirt. Your touch breaks him out of the trance you put him in. He takes your hands in his and moves them away from his body.

"I don't want your pity." he huffs, pulling away from you as he stands in front of the couch. You pull him towards you by his shirt so that he's straddling you, and you kiss him again, effectively silencing him as your hands land on the buttons of his shirt.

"You've never had it." you mumble between kisses, trailing your fingers over the bare skin and muscles of his back, and he moans softly into your neck, leaving a few hickeys there along his way to the buttoms of your own blouse. "It was always either my love or grudge."

"And now?" he asks, moving away from you again. His blue eyes stare intently into yours, and you know your answer depends on how this evening goes. And you missed the comforting feeling of his skin against yours too much to worry about his morality, of which you were apparently the sole soul that wanted and was able to take care of.

"Both of them." you reply, licking your lips. Maybe he was right from the beginning? Maybe you were destined to end up together? Maybe you were really the only thing that could keep him on the right path? But were you willing to devote your life to keeping him in check?

"I can work with that." you moan as he kisses you while lifting you off the couch. Your blouse falls somewhere on the floor as he carries you along the familiar path to his bedroom.

His lips caress yours gently like never before. His hands are practically everywhere, gently stroking every bit of your exposed skin. He pins you against his bedroom door and sucks on your neck, leaving a hickey. You moan again, causing the same reaction from him.

"Please, don't ever leave me again." he whispers into your mouth before trying to devour you again.

"Then don't give me a reason to do it." you whisper back, combing his hair as he pulls away from you enough to open the door. He kisses you all the way to his bed, stroking your waist gently.

He lays you down on the bed, his mouth moving to your neck, licking and sucking, leaving a few marks there as his hands moved down to the button of your pants.

"Wait. Wait." he listens to you immediately. He freezes, lifting his head to look at you with concern and a worried expression on his face. "You're not mad that I won?" he gives you such a beautiful smile and laugh that, for a moment, all you can do is watch him.

He was so ethereal... breathtaking in every sense of this word. You have no idea how you managed to stay away from him for that long... even knowing what he did.

"I love you. I have always loved you and always will. I'll get over the fact that you won't be my First Lady."

"Well... you can be my First Lord... or something like that..." he laughs at that and leans in to kiss you. You cup his cheeks in your hands and pull him closer to you. You moan into his mouth as his bare skin touches yours.

You whine in protest as he pulls away from you. He looks deep into your eyes and caresses your cheek tenderly with his hand.

"You sure?" you smile slightly and nod, placing your hands on his shoulders as he pulls you closer to him again. "We shall create a dynasty, my beautiful little petal." he promises you, placing soft kisses on your collarbones. You run your hands through his blond locks, pulling his head and lips to yours. "My most precious diamond." he plants another kiss, this time on the corners of your mouth, undoing your bra. "Mine."

"Coryo..." you moan, and he responds in kind, happy to finally hear his nickname falling lovingly from your lips like it used to.

You don't care what happens next. What will happen the next day? What will happen when you take over as president? Will he try to gain more influence than you? Will he continue working for Gaul? Or maybe you will unite your forces and create a presidential couple that Panem has never seen before. You do not know. All he cares about is his touch, his mouth, and his body against you.

And in the morning, when you wake up wrapped in his arms as he places kisses on your temple and tenderly, lazily draws patterns on your back with his fingers, you realise how good it was to be back where you belonged.

You realise how good it felt to wake up in your Coryo's arms again. Even if neither of you were the same person you once were. And you will certainly have more than one fight, dramatic breakup or silent fight for influence and power.

But after all, love was stronger than any grudge you could feel towards your Coryo... or at least as long as he still was him.

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sophieinwonderland · 7 months

Text

Finally! We Can Talk About The Dissociation And Hallucination Post!

Yes, I made a post saying I share guides that teach people to dissociate and hallucinate, although the timestamp clearly says it was January, so it's still not at all related to the misgendering post from the November incident. (Unless I said something similar before that, which I'll admit is possible.)

Now that I've finally been publicly called on that old post in the syscourse tag with a screenshot and its full context, we can finally have the conversation I setup months ago.

I know people had been syscoursing about it for a while, but mostly on blogs that had me blocked, and it was confined to reblogs which made it difficult to respond. So disappointing. 😔

But yes, I made this post!

Yes, I used the D word. I also used the H word.

I'm surprised the hallucination part of this somehow got lost most of the time people referenced it. I was sure that would be the main thing people would fixate on.

But that is the post I made where I phrased beneficial and common tulpamancy practices in a way I expected would elicit a reaction from anyone browsing my blog looking for things to take out of context and attack me on. I really expected we'd be discussing this back on January 10th, not mid-September. But better late than never! 😁

All Switching Guides Teach Dissociation, All Imposition Guides Teach Hallucinations

Actually, I'll go further and say even basic mindvoice communication with your tulpa is inherently hallucinatory, even if it's not fully acoustic the way imposed voices are. (Most tulpamancers disagree with this view though, and only use the H word when discussing imposition.)

Many tulpamancy guides will actually use these words. Many imposition guides will refer to it as such when explaining what imposition is. Likewise, many switching guides will use the word "dissociate" when describing how to get the host to tune out so the tulpa can takeover the body.

This should be differentiated from the involuntary trauma dissociation seen in dissociative disorders or the types of hallucinations that manifest in Schizophrenia. But they are still dissociative and hallucinatory.

Ironically, my own guide doesn't use the D-word. Well, not that D-word. My guide uses the word "detachment." But make no mistake, detachment IS a type of dissociation.

So it absolutely is technically true that I "provided instructions on how to dissociate." And I will continue to do so completely unapologetically in the future.

(And I'd argue that headmate creation itself falls under compartmentalization type dissociation too, but that's a topic for another day.)

Dissociation and Hallucinations Aren't Inherently Bad Things

Yes, these can be bad in the context of mental illness. But there are many cases where they aren't. Many cultures and religions practice non-pathological forms of dissociation and hallucinations. Whether through mental training or through use of drugs.

In fact, many religions that do similar practices report positive mental health benefits as a result, and psychological studies conducted into them refer to them as hallucinatory or dissociative practices.

Despite the stigma, these are not bad words.

These ARE the Tulpamancy Practices

The thing is, these are basic, common tulpamancy practices. Practically every member of the tulpamancy community is aware of them and of what they are. And they, along with tulpamancy itself, are generally associated with positive mental health benefits like the religions that conduct similar practices.

These sorts of practices are what the tulpa community was built on. We have a wealth of guides dedicated to honing these skills. We don't use the scary words (dissociation/hallucination) much in day-to-day use, but we don't exactly hide what these practices are either.

Recently, there has been a faction of so-called neutrals (who spend most of their time spreading anti-endo content) pushing for the tulpamancy community to change its terms. Especially with the rise of "pro tulpa, anti-tulpa terminology" as a label for those who claim to support the tulpamancy "practice" but not the term.

Personally, I feel and have always felt that much of this was in bad faith.

That most people who claim to support the practices but not the term will turn on the practices too the moment you talk about what they actually are.

Supporting Tulpamancy/Paromancy/Whatever Alternative You Make Up Is Supporting Practices That Involve Dissociation. That Involve Hallucinations. And Yes, Will Likely Permanently Change The Brain of the Practitioners Over Time.

If anyone honestly claims to support the practices but not the term, then I want to make certain they know exactly what they're supporting.

If the concept of me sharing guides that teach people how to dissociate (for switching) and hallucinate (for imposition) scares you so badly, then you don't support tulpamancy practices and any claims you ever would be fine with tulpamancy if we used a different name were lies.

And you're not safe for, not just tulpamancers, but also the other religious and spiritual groups that use similar dissociative and hallucinatory practices to the benefit of their practitioners.

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pink-bird-30 · 1 year

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Titans 4x03

SPOILERS AHEAD

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!

(Might be pointless at this point since most people have already watched 4x03)

Sorry this is a little late, I've been busy with Grad school work and my job lately.

Let's dive in!

-I'm glad we picked up where we left off in episode 4x02. 4x02 left us on a big cliffhanger of Raven losing her powers. Her hair turning white and her gem breaking is a huge deal. The more episodes we get into the more I see the parallel between Titans and Teen Titans season 4.

-This is more of a personal comment, but we've been here for 4 seasons and they can't get a more realistic wig for Raven? Gar's wig has a nice part that looks natural, and so does Kori's wigs. But for some reason Raven's still lacks for me. Don't get me wrong, it's perfect for Raven, but it needs to look a little more natural.

-Jay is finally getting his training!!! I'm really excited to see how he develops into his own hero and become Red Robin. I know some people are bothered by him (idk why, he's great) but I want to see him come into himself and how he will contribute to the team. He had a great impact last season with helping Donna to come back and reunite Hank with his brother. I can feel he will do great things and we have much more to see.

-Dick's development these three episodes is such a 180 from the man we've seen the last 3 season. It still irks me that it has only been about 2 weeks since they left Gotham, and he's already made such big changes and his developing feelings for Kori. To me, it seems rushed on some part, but the other part of me has to realize this has been building for 3 seasons. But I can't ignore that Dick from a month ago went off to face Jason without back-up. That is why I was glad Dick told Kori she was coming with him to meet up with Jinx. He wanted her there to help him and I think that is a big change for Dick.

"We're a team, we take this on together."

I feel like a proud mom.

-I love that Krypto is pretty much a ESA(Emotional Support Animal) for Connor cuz that kids really does need some emotional support. Between Kom last season and Lex literally being murdered in front of him...kid needs a big fat hug.

-I love that last season we had Gizmo and now we have Jinx. Are we entering a HIVE era?!?!?!?

-Jinx has always been an interesting character for me. The most I know of her comes from Teen Titans, and I won't lie, she's a pretty cool anti-hero/villain. I aways liked her powers and the badass person she is. But what I did not like about her on Titans is they made her another one of Dick's flings. I just don't understand the purpose of this. Why can't she just be a woman from Dick's past that he tried to help but she turned on him? Why bring up that they used to hook up at some point and she betrayed him? I think the only relevant part of their past that should be brought up is Jinx is deceiving and will betray you. That is enough to get the point across without whipping out Dick's long list of lovers.

Moving on before I rant too hard...

-Dick's reaction to Kori turning into stone was too precious. Immediately this man was ready to fight for this woman. He was overly concerned and adamant that Jinx turn her back to normal. But when she didn't Dick was ready to do anything to get her back to normal.

-It's a big deal that Raven lost her demonic powers, a huge deal if the Cult wanted her powers for the crystal. But Raven is so happy not to be an empath anymore. Like this poor little girl is calm and free of demons for the first time in her life. And I hate that she will experience this freedom, a brief taste of it, and then eventually she'll have her demonic gem back and she'll have these dark powers again. I'm unsure if they will have her experience her mother's magic and discover it or just keep her powerless until the red moon.

(Also, Raven taking a swing of maple syrup was fantastic.)

-I've been saying it since 4x01 but with Gar's visions from the "skin walkers" and them warning him of the Red Moon and the troubles they will face in the near future, MAJOR. THE. END. VIBES. Like there is no doubt in my mind that Trigon will be resurrected as well as Slade as his servant, because if I recall correctly from the promo, Slade was in it. In Teen Titans, Slade did Trigon's bidding and went after Raven, but it seems like Mother Mayhem is also part of this servitude as well. Now it makes me wonder what Sebastian has to do with all of this. Mother Mayhem speaks of him like he is her lost child, but who is he?

-I really liked the moment between Gar and Rachel. I like knowing that they have each other's backs when weird shit starts to happen.

-Random, but I need to say it. Why the hell was that dude barreling around 40 gallons of blood?! Is that even sanitary? Is that FDA approved?! I also feel for the guy, he was about to propose and he gets killed by a blood spider, a fucking blood spider. I already have arachnophobia but that increased my fear by tenfold.

-I love Dick having a long list of things he hates: Ninjas, and now Magic.

Okay, the big scene of the episode (in my opinion): Kori's vision.

-It was nice to know Kori wasn't completely unresponsive while in the state she was in. But her having visions again is interesting. In 4x01, Dick is listing off Kori's destinies and that is a big foreshadow for what is to come. So far her destines were: Kill Rachel, Save Tamaran, Kill a bunch of people, & Save Gotham (as per Dick Grayson). But during her vision Zadira, her old trainer from Tamaran, tells her there is so much more to come. And that her destiny is still evolving.

But

Dick is a huge part of that destiny and I want to know right now. We already have an idea of what Kori's destiny with Dick will be since Dick saw part of that destiny in the form of an adorable little Mar'i Grayson, but I need it now. I am deprived!!

But I also want to point out hat Kori will have a big part in the Red Moon. Will she be the reason is comes to be? Will she be the one to resolve the issues associated with the Red Moon? What will be her purpose and how will it lead to her destiny with Dick???

Let's bring it back.

-When the bullshit with Jinx is over, Dick straight up is done with her antics. I'm glad he extended an invitation for her to help them since they are so out of their element with magic (even if it was a bribe to get out of some debt). But it was a smart move to make, but I have a feeling it will backfire at some point with Jinx history of betrayal.

Now for that scene: "To lift the magic you have to kiss her."

-When I say my jaw dropped, it dropped. Dick seems to pause for awhile and I'm glad he didn't just straight up do it because A) that would be their first kiss outside of their relationship from season 1. B)Hellllooooo consent is key people!!! C) Part of him definitely did not believe Jinx, which I'm glad for the hesitation.

(I also want to point out that Brenton played Prince Phillip in Maleficent and you know the story of sleeping beauty. I thought it was a cute nod to his previous character, especially since he had to give up the role in the second movie to stay playing Dick Grayson for us.)

Once Kori is woken up from the spell, I love the fire and rage she has towards Jinx.

"I will fuck you up."

I got so hyped up after that.

Last mentions:

-I will mention the scenes with Sebastian-I'm curious to see what Mother Mayhem has in store for him. They really keep fucking with him and now that he's with the Titans, I'm expecting a big fight scene next week. Or maybe even a rematch between Mother Mayhem and Super Boy. That would be pretty cool to see.

Lastly,

"When the blood moon is full, the world will fall to evil."

The chills I experienced after that line.

We are really in it this season and I'm beyond excited.

Until next time! Hope you like my break down of the episode!

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oh-yes-i-did-not · 3 days

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Why can't dogs just walk past me?

I just realized I never made a proper Tumblr post about this, just one on Facebook, so my updates about random poochies might be confusing. So here is my recent dog problem that doesn't seem to make much sense.

It started about 2-3 months ago, this thing where dogs just can't ignore me. They usually just want to smell me, or bark at me. But sometimes they also pull at their leash to get to me (while barking), which often seems to surprise their owners, when their 9 year old senior citizen suddenly does something unexpected.

I'm not entirely sure what to count as "aggression" but I don't count barking as it, but leash pulling I do? Is it? I haven't yet had growlers so I don't think the attention in general is aggression or cause for aggression, just attention. I don't make them wary or angry, just noticed.

Also, this has been ALL the dogs, since about February. There is no normal dog for me anymore, they all want to know me. And before this, I did just fine as a normal pedestrian, ignored by 99% dogs.

I'm not a dog person, but a cat person. And by this I mean, I like cats and dogs and all animals but I only know how to read cat body language. Dogs are more of a mystery to me. But it's never been a problem since I rent and can't even own a dog. So I've had cats. Or more precisely 2 cats. One lived to be 18 and the other is still kicking at 20 so... That is my experience. Also, I know enough about animals, that since my two were rescues with social issues, they ARE my only cats until they're both gone, no matter who needs a new home. I'm not that sentimental about animals, while also being the biggest softie, I guess.

Anyways, I'm not that familiar with dogs. But also, I'm not afraid of dogs, or uncomfortable around them. I like dogs, I just don't know what makes them tick, deep down. But I never mind meeting a dog and usually we get along fine.

AND for those thinking "well you yearn for a dog so you must initiate contact all the time!" No. I don't. While I like dogs, I'm not into unfamiliar dogs and petting every random animal that comes my way. I don't look and stare at dogs or pay any noticeable attention.

...well at least I didn't before. Now I kinda feel like I need to be aware of them at all times, if for nothing else, than to avoid an upset owner blowing up at me. But that is because of this issue, not the cause of it.

I have some veterinary professional friends but they're all cat specialists so all we have kinda deciphered that it is probably my smell, maybe. Something about it does it. It's not in my behaviour.

I haven't had any new medications recently, only things that have changed is that I've had to take ibuprofen multiple times per week lately, which is not good for my body and does cause negative reactions (stomach first but also liver in long term), and I have a new bodywash and lotion from Spain, that are not unscented. Mild, but not unscented.

Also, my upstairs neighbour has a new dog. It's an untrained and angry puppy (that should be taken away by animal wellfare agency tbh) and with the lack of insulation, my apartment basically shares the same air as the upstairs, so that is also an option, I guess? Even if it sounds odd.

Also, my cat, the one still left, does not live with me currently and I've last seen her in March. So it's not cat smell either. It's not her or her "shit box".

Anyways, this is my dog problem of recent times. If anyone has any ideas then I would love to hear it.

#dogblr #dog behavior #dogs #help

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mama-tiff · 2 years

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Two Lines and Four Months

Four months ago, two lines meant something exciting. Two days ago, two lines took on an entirely different meaning.

I have COVID.

I've had a few close calls with COVID over these last few years. Between being a teacher, running errands, and enjoying a social life -- you just never know. No matter how cautious and proactive you think you are being -- you just never know.

At first, I thought it was just my allergies. The day my symptoms started was the evening I got back from a day at the beach with my sister. Naturally, I assumed my dry throat and cough were a reaction to being outside all day without having taken any allergy medicine before leaving.

The following day, I still felt the same. Only my dry throat had become a scratchy throat. I wasn't looking forward to singing; singing when your allergies are sucking the moisture from your vocal chords is an unwelcomed challenge. Yet, I pushed through to the best of my ability.

I also attended a party to celebrate the life of our friends' son. it was nice to see some of their friends and family whom we hadn't seen in months (years, even) and to laugh and cry with them. I also really enjoyed my rotisserie chicken.

When my husband and I returned home, I felt exhausted. "It's so late," I said to him. "It's only 7:30..." he replied. My body felt so tired, a feeling I only associated with colds and viruses. He asked me if I had an at-home test. I can't have COVID, I thought to myself. After all, I've been exposed to COVID-positive people several times and never once tested positive. Today can't be the day...

But it was the day.

I thought if I ever tested positive that I would be upset or that I would cry. But instead, I felt embarrassed. Why didn't I think it could have been COVID to begin with? Then, I wouldn't have gone to church or to the party and exposed all those people.

I also felt like my behavior made me appear careless and selfish. But I know I'm neither of those things.

I felt sad that I would have to spend my days alone, without my husband and my Chino-girl and Joseph (the latter are my two dogs).

I felt like a burden because I knew my husband would have to wait on me and take care of the dogs without my help.

I felt worried about my baby and that he might be affected somehow, too.

I called and texted everyone I had been in contact with in the past week to let them know. Some of them said they felt fine and believed they were. Others took a test regardless.

I tried to trace back to when I could have been exposed, just for closure. I narrowed it down to work or two restaurants. I don't know if I will ever know for sure which one it was.

[]

It has only been a day, but I have received so much love already.

My husband has served me meals and snacks, taken my temperature, and checked in on me. (He even cooked one of the meals from scratch, and it was very good!)

My sister sent me a full breakfast of eggs, fried potatoes, bacon, pancakes, and orange juice.

My friends and family have checked in on Baby and me.

My dogs have behaved themselves (or it appears that way), and Chino-girl even snuck in to give me a hug when my husband delivered me a snack. She trotted back out when he left.

I miss being outside of this room, but I'm grateful to be loved and supported.

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oro-e-diamanti · 3 years

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The one where Ethan is pretending

Description | When you bump into Ethan in Paris, you fail to mention that you know exactly who he is. You’re not sure how long you’ll be able to keep it up when he asks you out for a drink.

Content | Fluff

Pairing | Ethan x gn!Reader (with the exception of one female pet name)

Word Count | 2071

Taglist | @ginny-lily @ethaneskin @tabi-toast @mywritingonlyfans

***

There was no way you were staying in the same place that Måneskin had just arrived at. There was no way, you kept telling yourself. Paris was a massive city, the number of available hotels in the hundreds, maybe thousands if you had to guess. And yet, somehow, you had managed to pick the one place one of your new favourite obsessions would spend their time. You knew it didn't mean much, the hotel had more than a couple of rooms and with your luck, you wouldn't even catch a glimpse of them. But as you kept scrolling through Instagram, seeing pictures of people meeting the four Italians in front of the place you had checked into mere days ago, you couldn't fight a little bubble of excitement forming in your chest.

Well, you told yourself you wouldn't get your hopes up. And you definitely wouldn't hang around in front of the hotel or in the lobby. You had booked your solo trip to Paris months ago, after dreaming about visiting the city for most of your life, and you would be damned if you wouldn't stick to your itinerary and enjoy your holiday. However - you had gotten up at what felt like dawn to go queue up for the Louvre and spent the last couple of hours there, so you decided that a nap was the way to go if you wanted to continue exploring the city in the evening. Fortunately, the walk back to the hotel wasn't long.

You had made it to the last corner before entering the street you were aiming for, when two giggling girls ran past you, unceremoniously bumping your shoulder and sending you tumbling. You were fully expecting to hit the ground, but instead, a pair of strong arms caught you and brought you back to your feet. A pair of strong arms belonging to a strong chest that you came face-to-face with, belonging to a gorgeous face, belonging to Ethan Torchio.

"Tu vas bien?" His broad French accent confused you, momentarily forgetting about the little detail that you were, in fact, in France, as you stared at the drummer in front of you, who was still protectively holding onto your upper arms.

"Huh?" Was the immensely intelligent answer that thus left your mouth.

"Oh, not French?"

"No, definitely not French." You finally said, taking a step back from him to avoid the increasing awkwardness you were feeling about being touched by him, while the two girls who had previously knocked you down were now lingering around the two of you suspiciously, not coming close enough to be rude, but obviously desperate to get their own piece of Ethan. "No, just a tourist."

"Me too," Ethan smiled. "A tourist, I mean. Well, kind of. I'm here with my band so it's not like we have time to do a lot of sightseeing."

He briefly turned around to look at the two girls who still seemed frustrated at you hogging his time and gave a small wave before turning back to you. It was the movement that made you realise he had the most gorgeous red rose tucked into the waistband of his trousers. Well, it used to be the most gorgeous rose - after your little crash, it had bent in the middle, the top hanging only by a thread, in the most miserable fashion.

"Oh, no I am so sorry!" You gasped, carefully grasping the delicate petals that were on the verge of breaking off. "I must have crashed into it when you caught me."

"Don't worry about it," Ethan said, softly, and pulled the stem from his waistband. The flower looked even more tragic now, in all its crushed glory. "A fan gave it to me a few minutes ago."

"Huh?" You surely proved yourself articulate in this conversation. You mentally hit yourself, angry at yourself for being so easily flustered.

"There are a few fans waiting in front of our hotel, because we're in a ... band ... and things."

Apparently, your awkwardness was contagious. Also, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Ethan thought that you had no idea who he was.

"Let me get you a new one," you suggested. "There's a flower shop just two doors down from the hotel - I mean, I am staying there, too, so I know."

He smiled at you with a serenity and calmness that had your heart soaring. You decided you'd be willing to buy him a million roses if only he kept smiling at you like that for a little longer.

"Well, I've got to go now, but it would be rude to refuse your offer. Meet you in the bar of the hotel at 8 tonight?"

No way this was happening. You almost gasped, but at the last moment managed to keep your cool, outwardly. On the inside, you were a mess. Bumping into the drummer of one of your favourite bands was a wonderful chance meeting as it was - but this almost sounded like a date. Now, of course, Ethan wouldn't be asking you out on a date. That would be ridiculous. But there was also no way you would miss out on a chance to meet him again. Preferably without those two giggling girls that were still standing behind him, watching every move of your interaction but luckily too far away to hear what you were saying.

"It's a d- uh, deal," you quickly recovered before almost spitting out the word date instead. Ethan chuckled.

"Right, see you later, then, for our... deal."

He had seen right through you anyway, you thought. But he was still laughing, so it wasn't all that bad - right?

With another quick touch to your upper arm, Ethan walked past you, turning around just one last time.

"My name is Ethan, by the way. You can tell me yours tonight."

Oh, you would.

***

The rest of the day was... well, restless. You couldn't nap because your mind was a whirlwind and your stomach was twisting with excitement. So instead, you had made sure to get the prettiest red rose you could find in the flower shop down the street - while slightly wincing at the price that a shop in the center of the city of love demanded - and put it in a glass the hotel receptionist had been nice to give to you. Then you had decided that there was no way you would manage to relax before 8, so you allowed yourself a few hours simply wandering through the city, no real destination, no itinerary for once, just a nice long stroll with nothing but your thoughts.

At five past eight - being slightly late was still cool, right? - you did a quick check-up in the mirror, realised you were not going to get any happier with your appearance whatever you tried to do at this point, grabbed the rose from its makeshift vase, and left your room.

It only took you a second to see him when you entered the little bar on the ground floor of the hotel. Even in the dim light, the white blouse that he had already been wearing when you met for the first time stood out like a sore thumb. Long dark hair fell over his back in a silky fashion. You had never wanted to touch anyone's hair more.

You took one more deep breath and then walked over to Ethan, smile on your face and rose in your hand.

"A rose for the handsome gentleman?"

Ethan almost jumped, apparently not having heard you coming, but quickly a smirk spread over his face while he stood up.

"I'll take the rose and your name, then."

"It's Y/n."

Ethan greeted you with a soft kiss to your cheek, before taking the rose, pulling your chair back, and inviting you to sit. It was almost ridiculously romantic and if it had been anyone else it would have seemed over-the-top and off-putting, but with Ethan it seemed sincere and fitting.

"Glass of wine, Y/n?" He asked as he casually waved the waiter over to your table.

"Just one. I want to get up early tomorrow for some more sightseeing."

***

It didn't end up being just one glass. It ended up another one and then a bottle shared. But it also ended up with three hours of talking, laughing, teasing, and slowly moving your chairs closer together until you were basically sitting on the same side of the table. You had asked him about his band - still trying to cover up that you knew exactly who they were out of pure fear that he'd reject you for being a fan - and he has asked about your job, your life, your family. In fact, you only left the bar when the waiter had started throwing you annoyed looks while demonstratively cleaning the tables around you.

"I'll bring you to your room," Ethan chuckled lightly as you waited for the elevator. His hand was on the small of your back and it was spreading tingles all through your body. You were standing close enough that you could smell his perfume, a light yet musky scent that encapsulated everything about him.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he lightly pushed you inside and you found yourself not minding him leading you like this. You pressed the button for your floor, leaning against the wall as you studied the man in front of you. He was a thing of beauty, no question about it, and when he smiled down at you the way he was right then and there, he made you feel like one, too.

"I had a lovely evening, Y/n. Is there any chance I could get your number?"

What a question, you thought to yourself. You'd be mad to refuse him!

You dug your phone out of your cluttered bag. You had switched numbers just a few weeks ago and had not yet learned the new digits by heart. Quickly, you switched it on - and your heart sank. Oh crap. You had completely forgotten about this.

The lockscreen of your phone was a picture of Måneskin.

As you looked up, you realized Ethan had seen. And, contrarily to the reaction that you were anticipating, he was wearing a massive grin.

"Ethan, I am so sorry, I should have told you immediately when we met but I kind of just stumbled into this and you were explaining you were in a band and I didn't know how to say-"

"Dolcezza, calm down. I've known all along."

"Wait - what?"

He didn't explain. Instead, he pointed to your bag - your tote bag - your Måneskin tote bag.

You truly felt like the least intelligent life form on earth.

"I've been carrying that around all day, haven't I?"

While your embarrassment grew, face heating up, Ethan grabbed your shoulders and pulled you into his body. His arms tightly wrapped around your body and you could feel his giggles in his chest, as your head was pressed against it. You didn't hesitate in reciprocating, clinging onto his torso, slowly swinging from side to side. Both of you caught in a tipsy stupor.

You only stopped when the elevator arrived at your floor, both of you stumbling out and dragging each other to your door while clinging on. When you reached your room, you let your back lean against it, pulling Ethan along so you were standing face to face, smiling at each other shily and yet never breaking eye contact.

"Why didn't you say anything?" You finally asked. He stroked your cheek, leaving goosebumps. He had now gotten so close that you could feel his breath on your, drowning in each other.

"I liked pretending."

And then he kissed you. Boldly, unafraid and passionate. You melted like putty under him, letting him take control while letting yourself fall, as his lips moved against yours.

You only pulled away enough to get another glance at him, before once again searching your bag, now one-handed, so you never quite had to let go of him. A small triumphant sound escaped you as you located the key card. Holding it up next to your face, you shot the man in front of you another smirk.

"Why don't we keep pretending? At least for tonight."

It wasn't an offer he was going to refuse.

#ethan torchio #maneskin #ethan torchio imagine #ethan torchio fiction #ethan tochio x you #ethan torchio x reader #maneskin imagine #maneskin fiction #fluff #my writings

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shegatsby · 3 years

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Coffee Shop

Summary; As a university student in London you were just trying to get to know the city, the beautiful places etc. and a certain gentleman caught your eye.

Warnings; None

Words; 1.125

A/N; Hi guys! Sorry for any typos, hope you have a wonderful day. The gif isn't mine. I'm loving the series so far, I hope to hear your thoughts. xxx

TAG LIST IS OPEN!

(the gif is Tom's face while he is listening to you)

Chapter Five, the same day

He gracefully settled, his hands were holding his tea cup, first thing you realized was how big his hands are and you remembered something your gay bestie said about man with large hands, you blushed. ''I thought maybe..'' Tom stopped, he is usually good with words and first impressions but right now.. he found himself lost for words. ''Sorry, allow me to start over,'' he extended his big hand ''I2m Tom.'' you took his hand, it was warm, and smooth. ''Y/N, nice to meet you.'' He noticed your American accent and raised his golden eyebrow in a questioning manner. ''Pleasure is all mine. I assume you're from America.'' He noticed how soft your hand is, he liked it. ''Yes, I used to live in NewYork, came here for college, just few months ago.'' you shortly explained.

''New York? I did a play in there. The city life was something else.'' He chuckled more to himself, you smiled at his blushed cheeks. His face seemed familiar to you, like you saw him somewhere before, ''I'm sorry but you look so familiar... maybe I watched your play, what was it called?''

Tom's theory of you being a fan was false then, however it was good because now he could express himself more freely. ''Betrayal by Harold Pinter.''

''I haven't seen that one but I've read it myself. What was your part?'' you noticed the spark of light in his ocean eyes when you asked him about his job, you made a mental note. ''Robert. We played at Jacob's Theatre, I've read the play when I was a student but to be a part of it years later... I cannot describe how happy I was.'' He looked like a little boy talking about his favorite toy. You loved it.

''In Pinter's world life is a battle,'' you said pushing your notebook aside, ''between men but in Betrayal its 2 men over 1 woman. There are relatable themes about the play, that's why I loved it.'' you finished, he had an expression on his face you couldn't quite place but he looked like he was pleased to hear what you said about the play. You are a smart woman after all.

Talking about plays, theatre, Shakespeare etc. it seemed like it had been only five minutes but when you looked outside oh boy, it was getting late. ''Good Lord,'' Tom expressed exhaling, ''We've been talking for hours. I apologies if I kept you from studying.'' he looked cute when he is nervos. ''No, no not at all. I always choose a good conversation over studying. Plus... I wasn't studying, I was on a job hunt.''

''How did it go?'' He seemed interested, ''Not good, I applied to few places online.'' You looked outside again to change the subject, ''I'm sorry Tom but I have to go. I have classes early tomorrow. I must admit, I loved talking to you.'' you saw his pale face blush deeply, he was a gentleman. He helped you carry your backpack, paid the bill, you refused and wanted to give the money to him but he declined, said you already paid with a friendly and deep conversation. Now you were outside of the coffee shop, it was damn cold. ''I would like to walk with you to the tubs. If that is okay with you?'' You didn't expect that, you thought why not. ''Thank you Tom, you're too kind.''

As you both walked side by side your hand went inside the pocket of your jacket, the drawing was there. ''I enjoyed our talk very much.'' he said again, ''The feeling is mutual Tom, you didn't have to walk here with me though. It's so damn cold in this country.'' He laughed at your reaction, ''So I take it you don't like cold.''

''I hate it.'' You quickly responded which made him laugh again, ''This is nothing compared to the Viking lands.'' You gave him a puzzled look, ''Viking lands?'' you said sarcastically, this time you laughed. ''I hope you'll like London one day, must be different from home?''

''Yes, to be honest I didn't even unpack most of my boxes, its just.. doesn't feel like home, yet. Back at home I have my bestie, my family and friends but here, I have professors, a group of class mates and this random dude I've met from the café.'' You both laughed together, ''How do you like this guy so far, this random dude you've met?'' oh two can play this game Tommy, ''He is alright, I guess. So damn tall my neck hurts.'' on your way to the tubs you both made sarcastic comments about each other, laughed, chuckled and it felt like you were just old friends, you have noticed how comfortable you are at the moment. ''Maybe you need someone to make this city home.'' Tom's comment made you stop walking, ''Never thought about it that way, maybe you're right.'' Tom was testing waters, he didn't want a simple fling with you, you seemed to be a nice person, kind and with a little attitude, he geniuenly enjoyed your company and it wouldn2t hurt to have a new friend.

''This is me.'' you said pulling Tom from his deep thoughts, ''Please get home safely Y/N.'' before you left you held his arm, made him stop. He looked confused, ''I want to give you this. I never thanked you properly before, you know the cake and the earl grey tea.'' It was a folded yellow paper, ''Open it at home. See you soon Tom.''

When Tom got back home he sat on his kitchen stool and opened the paper you gave. It was just was he expected, the drawing. It wasn2t just him, you also drew Bobby, his dog too. He had a dreamy smile on his face, as he stood up to hang the drawing on the fridge he saw the small detail, you wrote your phone number in tiny digits, he had to wear his glasses to see the numbers. Was it too late to call you or text you? He was standing in front of his fridge, holding the drawing and trying to make a desicion. Did he really want a new friend or just something casual? He wasn't sure if he had time for you because in few weeks he had to fly to shoot the new Loki series and... you had no idea about him or his hectic life. It had been a while since he got into a relationship and he got frustrated with himself, it was too soon to think about such things but your smile ade him inhale deeply. You are an intelligent and beautiful woman and Tom would love to have you in his life.

Chapter 6

Thank you for reading. :) What does Tom gonna do? Let me know what you think about this chapter xx

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localcactushugger · 3 years

Text

Is anyone else amazed that Hawks was only "undercover" with the Leauge for 6 months at the most.

Not only that, one and a half of those 6 months were spent just trying to gain enough trust to infiltrate.

I know it seems like much longer since Hawks made his Manga debut 2 years ago. But he had such a short amount of time on this mission. Hawks was introduced in the manga with his role being the "double agent". We literally have not seen Hawks outside of his "spy" role. Even when he is interacting with other characters outside of the Leauge, his "mission" is still happening in the background.

It seems Hawks made contact with Dabi right before the Hero Billboard chart, this is when he starts trying to infiltrate. His interaction with Dabi in the warehouse begins immediately after Endeavors fight with High-End:

During this time, Dabi is testing out a High-End Nomu for doctor Ujiko. Which means by the time Endeavor fights High-End, the My Villain Academia arc is already happening. Hawks is assumed to be one of the "members" Dabi is trying to recruit:

The Leauge has already made contact with doctor Ujiko, and the Doctor sends Dabi to test his High-End Nomu out on Endeavor (even though Dabi didn't know it would be Endeavor) while the rest of the Leauge battle Machia. At the time, Dabi still doesn't trust Hawks at all and he keeps the hero at arms length. While Dabi and Hawks are sharing ominous phone calls, the Leauge is hauling ass and it take's Shigiraki a month and a half to finally beat Machia. (The MLA is "defeated" too):

After a month and a half of phone calls (while the Leauge gets their asses handed to them by Machia in the background) Hawks is finally allowed into the Leauge when the battle of Dekia City is finally over. Dabi let's him in because Hawks "kills" Best Jeanist.

But there's a problem. By the time Hawks is let in, The Leagues numbers have drastically increased. They have an army at their side, multiple High-End nomu, and are now called the MLA:

Hawks blames himself, saying that he was "too late". That so many civilians would be alive now if he had been faster. He couldn't round up the Leauge when they were a small group, and now they have an army. A powerful one:

He's in too deep now. And you can see the stress on his face. I bet he never expected to be part of an army. He was simply tasked to round up the Leauge members while they were a small group, but the MLA was completely unexpected. Still, he decides to improvise and do the best he can with the shitty cards he's been dealt. It's not like he has another option at this point.

So he slips a coded message to Endeavor ASAP. Basically saying "yo, in four months shits about to go down. Ttyl I'll keep you posted lol". He can't tell the guy in person now, because to make things harder, he has camera's on his wings. (and even though he's being watched by camera's, he also gets followed by guards at the mansion):

After Hawks relays the massge, he stroles around the mansion with his bodyguard and heads towards the cafeteria. With a little eavesdropping (courtesy of his feathers) he also finds out that the Leauges plan is to "Destroy Everything" in four months:

After he relays the massage to Endeavor, he listens to the Leauges plans of destruction as his thoughts run a thousand M.P.H.

Because now "capture the Leauge" has turned into "Holy shit I now only have 4 months to take down a full fledged terrorist organization/army from the inside-out by myself while I'm being monitored 24/7 with absolutely no privacy & also a full time job as a hero + a public image to maintain. And I can only contact my fellow pro's about this mission through code because if the villains find out I'm a double agent I could be killed and Japan could be destroyed. Also some heros have even joined the MLA so who on my own side can I trust? Only a select specific few for now I guess."

If you thought things couldn't get worse your wrong.

Because around 2 months before the raid Hawks' heart (that wants to be free & has a genuine desire to help people) takes shit a bit too far when it makes him get attached to a certain powerful villain.

Hawks quckily finds out that Twice is easily the second most powerful villain in the Leauge after Shigiraki. He's an S ranked villain and he'll kick your ass with the power of friendship anyday. He's a great guy, but him and the Leauge are still planning on doing horrible things within the next 2 months. Twice is going along with it because he wants to stick by his friends, which y'know, is a cool motive. But considering that fact that the people Hawks is trying to protect ALSO have friends, and family's, this makes shit difficult and sends Hawks on some major guilt trips. (I would show all the panels of Hawks sadly smiling as Twice calls him a "good guy", but alas- Tumblr has informed me that I've reached my 10 image per post limit)

And tbh who wouldn't feel bad about suddenly getting attached to such a golden retriever of a man and then realizing you'll have to double-cross him at some point! I'm not surprised Hawks would feel this way, especially considering the fact that he never wanted to take on this mission in the first place.

Hawks is very much a people person, and he HATES lying even when he has no other option. This is a man who got "shivers up his spine" when he had to put on a serious face while handing Endeavor a book with coded messages inside. He literally felt icky and thought "this is low even for me" just because he had to use a deadly expression so that Endeavor would get the gist.

And when the Commission made their "proposal" about this mission, Hawks' first reaction was to call them out on their B.S. for asking him to put civilian lives at risk. He even admitted that he was feeling bad about sending Tokoyami away while talking to Deku, Shoto, and Bakugo. Hawks felt guilty about not being able to spend more time with his student, but considering that things with the MLA were starting to get riskier, and that Hawks literally handed Endeavor a book with a coded message inside about an uprising 2 seconds later, I can see why he wouldn't want to risk Tokoyami being around him. The fact that the camera's on Hawks' wings caught his interactions with Endeavor & the students also makes the creep‐factor worse. The MLA saw everything AND talked about it in a meeting later. Continuing to train with Tokoyami would put him at risk.

I love the complexity of Hawks' character, he's incredibly intelligent, logical, and intuitive. But at the same time throughout this entire mission his heart is constantly battling with his mind. Even when he knows he has to grit his teeth and do something shifty, his heart never fails to put up a fight with his logistics. Honestly it's been a pattern for a while that Hawks' sympathy always "Trips him up" in some way, so idk why I didn't see it coming around to bite him in the ass later.

(Tbh it's hard for me to see Hawks as a this super "Morally Gray" person that the fandom likes to paint him as because of a mission that he only spent 6 months on. I personally, kinda see Hawks as a "good person" who works for a "morally gray" agency. But that's a whole different meta)

Basically, Hawks getting attached to Twice wasn't a surprise. But considering how powerful Twice was, along with his role in the League's destructive plans (He was a lieutenant in one of the MLA's "Units") the discourse going on in Hawks' mind makes sense. By this point Hawks has already figured out all of the MLA's "Units" along with the three "bosses" that support the lieutenants of those "Units". It's noted that those "bosses" are extremely powerful and can match the strength of the heros as well. It took Hawks an entire month just to figure out all of the "Units" members. (I would show the panels explaining all of this but I'm at my photo limit)

All of these members were tasked to follow their lieutenants and bosses, and the plan was to attack all of Japans major cities at the same time. Once the cities were destroyed and chaos had set in, Redestro and feel good inc. Would distribute support items to the remaining citizens in the name of "self-defense". It would create a country full of discourse and destruction where Redestro and Feel good inc. Would rule from the shadows. But Shigiraki would be the main leader. He would become "king" and sit upon a "throne of rubble". (At least this was the MLA's plan, Shigiraki himself just kinda wants to destroy everything. But I suppose this would make things easier for him to do that.)

needless to say, the stakes have been upped excessively. But it took Hawks an entire month to gather this info.

This post is honestly just me marveling at what an M.V.P Hawks is

My guy literally only had 4 months to take down an entire terrorist organization for the inside-out. AND he was being monitored during that entire time. He figured out the MLA's intentions within the first month of being there. And it took him another full month to go into detail and figure out all the members, bosses, and lieutenants, for each of their "Units". Hawks even went as far as to immerse himself in the MLA's ideology, and he had in-depth discussions with the MLA's members. HELL HE EVEN FAKED HIS CO-WORKERS DEATH JUST TO GET IN.

AND HE PRETTY MUCH IMPROVISED ALL OF THIS SHIT!!! The original plan was to capture the Leauge when they were a small group! But by the time Hawks managed to infiltrate, The Leauge already had an army! They were a full-blown organization! And Hawks just kinda rolled with it??? He just kinda bullshitted his way through??

Like, "okay I'm now apart of an army I guess. The Leauge is now an entire organization and they're planning on destroying Japan in March. Let's see how this goes. I'll just have to make this work"???

LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD! WHAT A FUCKING MADLAD

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deexchanel · 3 years

Text

New York

Word Count: 2,655

Pairing: Avengers x BlackFem!Reader. Justice League x BlackFem!Reader but more specifically Clark Kent x BlackFem!Reader.

Warning: Arguing, mention of miscarriage, angst.

Summary: After not being in contact for so long, someone decides to make a visit.

A/N: The title has nothing to do with the one short. Oops. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!😁 below is Y/N’s outfit for the first half.

A long day after helping the team on their mission, Y/N wanted some pizza. It was around 10 p.m. when she decided to leave the tower. Tony was asleep in the chair, Steve was asleep on the couch. Natasha and Bucky were on the floor watching a movie. Thor was rummaging through the refrigerator, he was watching the movie as well but stopped to get some snacks.

Loki was in the library reading a book. Peter was on patrol so that’s why she felt safe with being out so late. “Loki I’m leaving to get some pizza okay?” He closed his book, preparing to stand up.

“Alright, I’m going with you.”

Y/N placed a hand on his chest so he could stay sitting. “ I want to go by myself Loki. I’m going to be perfectly fine, Peter’s patrolling right now.”

Loki sigh trying to push down his overprotective feeling. “Alright, just be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Y/N hummed kissing his forehead, she then walked to the living. Everyone in their same position except Thor was now back on the floor.

Y/N kissed each of their foreheads, “I’m going to go get some pizza. Anyone wants anything?”

Natasha shook her head,“ No, be careful though. I really want to pause this good movie to save your ass.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, grabbing her purse from the hook.

“Bring me back some pizza? I’m rather hungry.” Thor said with his eyes glued to the tv.

“You’re always hungry Thor. Bring me some too. Better yet, why don’t I just come.” Y/N heard shuffling from behind her. She wanted to take a peaceful by herself to get pizza, is that too hard to ask? “No Bucky, I want to go by myself. I can handle it.”

She turns around to see him looking at her hesitantly. “You sure Y/N? I don’t mind coming-”

“I got it, really. Go enjoy the movie Bucky. I’ll be right back.” Y/N cut him off, walking out of the door. Bucky stood there dumbfounded, “Is she acting weird or it’s just me?” He pointed to the door, looking at Natasha and Thor.

“She seems alright with me.” Natasha shrugged and Thor didn’t reply.

Y/N took a deep breath hearing the new york life sparkle in her ears. Taxis coming and going. The roar of the subway beneath Y/N’s feet. Everyone talking but still being able to hear your own conversation.

Lights flashing brightly, babies crying, the homeless constantly asking for money. The smell of 1,000 vendors, many selling gyros. Broadway fans going insane when their favorite cast member walks out of the stage door. People of every race, color, and religion.

“Finally,” Y/N mumbled after a good minute of walking, she arrived at the pizza store on the corner. She ordered and stood in line for 15 minutes then left with 5 boxes of pizza. Stopping at the park, Y/N sat on a bench eating pizza enjoying the night air.

Y/N was happy with life but sometimes a person just wants to be alone. A little part of her misses the old lifestyle she had. Bruce, Barry, Diane, Victor, and Arthur. She missed them so much, especially Clark but he was the last person she wanted to see.

They were old lovers, at one time there wasn't a thing Clark wouldn't do for Y/N. Time skip, Y/N found out she was pregnant but due to stress from Clark, she miscarried. No one knew because of the genuine smile she held on her face. He was probably so caught up with Lois to not notice that she'd been gone for a year now.

She loved Clark, Y/N was his best friend. Lois came into the picture and he dropped everything just for her. Heartbroken, Y/N came to new york searching for happiness. She found it in the avengers who she now calls family.

Today was the anniversary of her baby and she just wanted to be alone. She was alone when it happened so she rather be alone now. Y/N stared off into space not even hearing someone land beside her. You read right, land.

"Y/N?"

The deep voice took her out of her gaze. Y/N turned to see Clark in his superman attire. Shocked, she could barely get anything out. "...Clark??"

Clark's face held worry," Y/N..." Y/N furrow her eyebrow confused cutting him off.

"What are you doing here Clark?"

"I can't come to see you now? Y/N I haven't seen you in months."

"Clark I don't wanna talk about that right now. I want to know how did you know I was here??" Y/N stood up, placing her unfinished pizza in the box. She couldn't even enjoy alone time without being bothered.

"Bruce's been track you this whole time Y/N. Come home, we miss you. I miss you." He reached out for her hands. Surprisingly Y/N let him grab her hands. She shook her head.

"Clark I can't just leave. I have a life and family here. You have Lois now, that's who you need. Not me."

Clark looked down," She left me Y/N. Lois said me being superman was too much."Y/N sigh knowing how to hurt he was. Yes, she was mad at him but sometimes not everything needs a reaction. Keeping it calm, she gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry Clark, I should've been there for you."

Clark held her close smelling her wonderful smell of lavender. "It's okay Y/N. I know this life is treating you well."

Y/N could feel that it was getting late. "Clark I have to go, but I do have to ask you something." He pulled back glazing into her brown eyes.

"What is it Y/N?"

"Tomorrow evening bring the team to the tower. I want everyone to meet each other. I'll cook! It'll be so much fun."

Clark looked at her with hesitation, "I don't know Y/N.."

Y/N gave him the puppy dog eyes, "Please Clark? You get to see me in a nice outfit." He smiled giving in.

"Oh alright."

-------

"A little bit of this," Y/N murmured pouring grated cheese on top of the macaroni. She placed it in the oven, closing the door with her butt. Dinner consisted of steak with tarragon mushrooms with a side of macaroni. Y/N had been in the kitchen all day while the team did their overview with Fury for missions they have done.

"Smells amazing in here Y/N! What you make?" Steve's voice came from behind while she grabbed plates out of the cabinet. "Food Steve. You'll see when it's dinner time and if you don't mind, can you help me set the table?"

Steve nodded his head with a smile, "Sure I don't mind Y/N." The two joked around while they set the table. Clark and everyone were to be here in about 20 minutes. When she got home from the park last night, Y/N told the avengers about this evening dinner, and boy it was some weird faces.

She didn't know who was harder to convince, Tony or Steve. Maybe because they had been on the team longer. Once finished Y/N ushered Steve to go get dressed. She was so caught up with finishing the meal, that she didn't check the time. "Fuck!"

It was 10 minutes until Clark and the rest got there. She was nowhere near ready. "Y/N why aren't you ready?" Tony asked in disbelief when he walked into the kitchen. Y/N pulled at her hair.

"I know, I know! I was too caught up in finishing the steaks. Can you watch the food so it won't burn? please?"

Tony sigh,"If that makes you get dressed faster then I'll watch it." He opened the lid, the food smelled amazing. "Yeah hurry up, this smells good. I'm ready to eat."

"Thank you!" She kissed his cheek, rushing past so can get dressed.

---------

"Y/N they're here!" Steve called up the stairs. Y/N hopped around on one foot trying to put on the other boot. When it finally slid on her foot, she stood in front of a mirror taking a deep breath. She wanted all her favorite people to come together and be her support. To make her forget about the pain she went through a year ago yesterday.

Y/N walked downstairs with all eyes on her. Clark's mouth was agape from how good she looked. "Arthur! Diana! I've missed you guys!" Y/N hugged her with passion.

"Me too. You look beautiful." Diana hugged her back. Y/N moved towards Arthur giving him a hug. "Thank you."

"Yeah you look too good, don't make me have to beat anyone up from looking too hard." Thor snorted which made Arthur glance at him for a second. Y/N moved to Bruce.

"I hope you're doing good Bruce other than Barry getting on your nerves."

"Hey!" Barry said in defense.

"I'm good, just missed having you around."Bruce expressed which kinda shocked Y/N because he wasn't so open. She then gave Victor and Barry a hug. "I've missed you, two knuckleheads, together."

"We've missed you too." Victor smiled.

"What are we eating, it smells so good in here," Barry said excitedly. Y/N laughing gesturing towards the dining table. "We're about to find out, let's eat!"

Everyone cheered a bit sitting at the table, you know they didn't mingle but sat on the opposite side. Y/N walked over to the stove trying to bring the food to the table but Natasha stopped her.

"I got it Y/N, go sit down. You've been on your feet all day, I can bring the food to the table." Natasha grabbed the glass casserole dish out of her hand. She wasn't lying about her feet hurting but Y/N wasn't going to admit it.

Y/N sigh, "Fine, I'm bringing the champagne to the table though." She hurriedly grabbed two bottles of champagne before Natasha could protest. She definitely needed a sip before dealing with two rival heroes.

----------

There were conversations here and there but most of Y/N. She had all her favorite people in one room. Dinner was running smoothly until...

"So Y/N, Clark told us that you were coming back to stay permanently. I'm excited to have you back." Barry used his knife to cut the steak. Y/N didn't know who to look at crazy him or Clark. She could feel the hard glaze from Bucky.

"What's speedy boy talking about Y/N?" Tony asked tilting his head. Steve sat down his knife.

"Yes please do explain."

"I uh haven't said anything like that. I had planned on visiting, it wasn't official." Y/N scratched her arm out of nervousness from all eyes on her.

"I knew I wasn't going insane. Y/N wasn't going to go back permanently, she's not that crazy." Thor chuckled drinking his champagne.

Victor glanced at him sideways."What's that supposed to mean? Y/N wouldn't be crazy if she came back permanently. That's honestly the perfect decision if she does."

"Guys.." Y/N trailed off but was ignored by everyone. "Y/N is right where she belongs. Do I need to say more?" Loki wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"If she wants to come back permanently then she can. Y/N's only been with you guys for what ? a year? She's been with us forever so you know who she's going to choose." Arthur leaned back in the seat.

"Sure fish boy." Tony let his smart mouth get the best of him. Y/N took a sip of her champagne to calm her nerves.

"Guys..."

She was ignored again. "Y/N is coming with us and that's final. That's the only reason why I came to this wretched place was for her." Clark crossed his arm and Bucky narrowed his eyes at him.

"She's not going anywhere with you. I stand on that."

"Barnes right, you think I was going to let her leave with you after what you did? That's really funny." Natasha chugged the rest of her champagne down. Y/N winced at what she said.

"Guys please."

"Does that matter? Y/N is coming whether you like it or not." Bruce said setting his fork down. Diana nodded in agreement.

"I don't have to anything. Just know I'm not going down without a fight?"

"You people are so petty and tiny." Thor laughed using his fingers to indicate how small they were.

"If Y/N doesn't want to leave she isn't going to leave. it's her decision." Steve sat forward in his seat. They were getting louder by the minute.

"She isn't going, you weaklings," Loki growled sitting forward in his seat as well, not taking eyes off Arthur. Both Clark and Bucky held an intense stare.

"We should go few rounds." Tony stood up and so did Bruce.

"Let's do it then Stark."

Y/N chugged down the rest of the champagne. "Stop." The argument between them grew louder. "Stop!" Y/N stood up placing her hands on the table, no one noticed.

She slammed her hands against the table. "STOP! JUST STOP IT!" Everyone stared at her in shock.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS! I brought you altogether because I wanted support. I needed support."Y/N gritted through her teeth, tears welling in her eyes. "The one time I step out, you all can't even put your petty egos aside. I don't care who I'm staying with and I don't fucking know why it's an argument. I just wanted it to be a normal night."

Y/N lips trembled as she cried, "I can't hold on to this no longer. I was pregnant before I left Clark. I lost the baby. I lost it the day I went to find out the gender." Clark squeezed his eyes closed, his heart broke hearing the news. "And I hate myself so much for even letting myself stress so much that I lost it. When it happened I was alone. I didn't have you, Bruce, or Diana. I didn't have no one. I came to New York heartbroken."

She looked at the Avengers, they held a sad face. Natasha's cheeks were coated with tears."You guys mended my broken heart. You made me feel welcome and I don't know how I could ever repay you." Y/N wiped her tears.

"But I can't deal with this between all of you. I'm leaving so you can have your big ego contest."

She slid the chair back, walking to the elevator. "Y/N!" Bucky called for her but she ignored him. "Shit!" Clark curses under his breath getting up from the chair. Tony shook his head at him.

"Leave her be Clark. She probably went up to the roof or to the park for fresh air."

------------

Y/N sat in the chair at the airport. She was only going out of the country for a couple of days just to clear her mind. Bruce and Tony have been blowing up her phone none stop. She was tired and waiting on her flight to be called. "Ugh, I'm so tired." She mumbled rubbing her temple. She got up going to the bathroom.

It was oddly quiet until she heard panicked screams. "What?" She murmured looking over her shoulder. Parademons were everywhere. Y/N scrambled to grab her phone trying to be quiet. She slid down the wall, covering her mouth trying to contain her breathing so she wouldn't be heard. The vibration from her phone caught one of their attention and she didn't know.

Still scrambling, Y/N declined the call somehow. She knew she was fucked, tears raced down her melanin cheeks as she held her breath. The parademons appeared beside Y/N, one inspected making sure she was the right one. It snatched Y/N up and she screamed.

"CLARK!"

--------

The two teams were either sitting around or cleaning up. Clark stood in front of the wet dishes drying them off while Bucky cleaned them. He froze hearing Y/N scream in his ears. Diana noticed and instantly spoke up.

"What is Clark? What's wrong?"

"Y/N's been kidnapped."

-------

Omg, I feel like this is so weird😂😂��. I am going to make a part 2 I just gotta think about how it's going to go. I have a busy weekend ahead so I won't update until Monday.

Yk i had to make Y/N damsel in distress 😉. Clark is her lover but Bucky does like her. This is kinda a part 2 of Vacation. I love Marvel and DC so why not put them together 😁!

I hope you guys enjoyed this weird post even though the title has nothing to do with the plot of the story, I just couldn't think of anything 😂😂.

Stay slutty my friends 💜

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hanniesdegree · 3 years

Text

By the River | JJK

photo from bangtanger

pairing: jungkook x gender-neutral reader

prompt: you surprise jungkook with a picnic on your day off

genre: fluff, slice of life

warnings: n/a

word count: 860

author's note: This is gonna be part of a drabble series where it's all picnics with bts!

You see him with a growing smile when he notices you by the front lobby.

"Hey," you greet with a small wave. He, however, runs up to you and lifts you off your feet, spinning you in circles.

It's been a while since you've last seen him. Your schedules have been keeping you apart. But both of you have a free day today, and you had to do something out of it.

"Are we going somewhere?" He asks.

"I guess we'll see?"

You escort him out of the building and immediately head out to walk. It was a couple of minutes to the neighbourhood park. You lead him to a slightly secluded area, where a blanket and a picnic basket laid on the ground.

It wasn't anything extraordinary, really. You picked a nice flat spot overlooking the river, but it wasn't like you can plan a vacation. It's fine, you figured both of you needed some time to pause anyway.

Jungkook looks excited. Once he saw what you've prepared, he ran towards the spot, leaving you behind. He looks back at you, seemingly in disbelief, communicating 'you prepared all these?'.

You smile at his reaction and nod.

He takes a big inhale of the sharp summer air and he settles himself on the ground. He pats on the spot next to him, urging you to sit by his side.

He makes sure both of you are comfortable, then asks, "So what's going on? I thought we won't have a free day together for the next 3 weeks."

"Yeah, but a month ago I got a note saying my appointment today was canceled." You explain. "It just so happened that it was the same day as your rest day, so I wanted to surprise you."

"This is so nice, jagiya. Work has been exhausting and I've been wanting to see you for so long! I've missed you"

"Aw, I mis-"

"Hold on!" He cuts you abruptly, fishing for something in his pockets. "Before I forget, please accept this."

He hands you a small hand-wrapped gift with that smile. Like he knows to something. You eye him suspiciously even before opening the present. Then it hits you.

"Oh my god, I don't believe this," you slowly say, shaking your head. Jungkook looks worried. Oh no. Do you not like it?

Before he is able to respond, you almost shout,

"Yah! Jeon Jungkook! Have you been looking through my phone? This was supposed to be a surprise! How else did you know about my plans for today?"

You were clearly annoyed. He even had the nerve to ask you what brought this on, but he knew all along? You felt betrayed.

But he bursts out laughing. His shoulders are shaking and his eyes are crinkling. Any sort of annoyance melts away. You are obstinate, though. You breathe in deeply to keep your facade in place.

"Would you believe me if I say I didn't?" He notes.

You don't answer.

"But jagiya, I swear I didn't. I was eating my morning cereal one day and your phone was on the counter. It rang suddenly so I thought I should tell you. But I picked it up and saw the reminder for this day."

He pulls you in close to him and rests his head on your shoulder. He knows you're being dramatic, but he plays with the act and retaliates with soft affection.

"I don't like you right now," you pout, dragging your words as you lean your entire weight on him. "I really wanted to surprise you, you know."

"Couldn't you just have pretended to not know?"

"I thought of that, yes. But I also thought you were working hard too, so I wanted to give you something. You already do so much for me, and I wanted to let you know that I really really appreciate it."

His voice gets softer and softer with that confession, and something bubbles inside your stomach that you could not explain. It's these types of moments that make you think you want to do so much more for him.

So you give. And he gives. And you wonder what you did in your past life that led you to him.

He pokes you suddenly, bringing you back to reality. You were too stunned to reply. He laughs at you.

"Now, come on! Let's eat before these get cold." He opens up the basket and slowly lays down all the food on the blanket.

"They're already cold, I made them this morning."

"Really? I'm so excited!" His eyes grow big. You rarely cook lately; you haven't had the time. But today you went all out and prepared all his favorites. There was chicken, seafood, cheese, bread, and snacks. Lots and lots of snacks.

You continue your little escapade like this. He tells you random things from work and his new hobbies. When he gets excited about something specific, he becomes more animated in how he expresses his thoughts.

Jungkook would stand up and his arms would flail and his face would scrunch the entire time. And you laugh to tears every time.

How mischievous, you think. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

[fin]

part of the picnics with bts collection.

read picnic with namjoon

[masterlist]

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 3 years

Text

COLORS

A/N: No smut, sorry. Written for @princessstevens if she's silk still on tumblr. Based on this picture

"Kellan, call me when you get this," I say hanging up before walking into my building.

He never checks his voicemail so I send him a text too asking him to call me. We go to different schools, he's in the Bachelor's program at Brandman for Business and I'm at Alan Hancock for Art. I know he's probably driving right now or doing something. I remember when I met him, three months ago at Target of all places. I typically don't even shop at Target, I go to Walmart, but I was in there and so was he with his cute ass. I fell in love in the hair section. I was actually stalking him on my way to the body wash, but he was standing in the hair aisle getting conditioner for his thickass curly hair. We were a match made in heaven.

"Hey mama," I greet on my way to the kitchen to cook the pack of chicken sitting out in the sink.

"How was school? Take that trash bag out for me," she says before I can respond.

I look in the trash and change the bag, taking the old one to the chute before washing my hands in the empty side of the sink. The moment I rip open the pack of chicken and start washing it, Kellan calls.

"MAAAA, CAN YOU GET THAT?"

She wanders over fast and answers it having her own conversation with my man as I clean chicken. It sounds like they're talking about how his week has been, his classes, and something that's got ma laughing up a storm behind me. I didn't know Kellan was such a comedian. Something about this seems reversed. I keep waiting but I never get the phone so when I heat the oil and start dredging the chicken, I decide to butt into their conversation and ask.

"Uh, ma, can you put it on speaker so I can talk to him, he called to talk to me!" I start putting the chicken in the hot oil.

"Oh hold on, Kellan, my daughter is here getting her knickers in a twist," she mutters putting the phone on speaker. "I think she wants your attention now all to herself."

Kellan snickers. He and my mama are always teaming up on me like it's funny.

"I know you not laughing," I threaten at the phone, dropping chicken in the pan. "I've been trying to talk to you all day because I missed you but you wanna talk to my mama for-" I look at the time, "Five whole minutes."

"Awww, this baby.. she jealous," Kellan chuckles. "I think she mad you like me more than her."

"Keep acting like you tryna take my Mama from me, nigga. I ain't down with no incestuous shi-stuff," I pause genuinely mad. "You ain't finna be my man and act like my brother, I got a brother. That's nasty."

I don't know why I get mad, but I do. I love my mama. She's mine, not his.. I love Kellan, but he be annoying me for real with that shit because my mama gets too into it like she's not playing. She really does like him more than me. He doesn't understand that and keeps rubbing it in my face.

"You got one more time and you ain't coming over here no more."

"That's our mama's decision," he jokes. I cringe.

"Exactly," she adds.

I put the tongs down and walk out going to my room and shutting the door. I was gonna tell him about COLORS and invite him to come with me but he's pissed me off and now I don't want to talk to him. My mama doesn't even bring my phone right away, it's two more minutes of them still talking. When she brings it, I yell that I don't wanna talk to him. "Well finish the chicken," she directs. I do it.. but I'm still irritated.

"And then when he finally calls me back he doesn't even wanna speak to me. Too busy playing mama's boy to a woman who's not even his mama," I vent at the table watching Yaya's thinned lips stretch in silent judgement across from me. I know she doesn't agree with me, but she's not in my shoes.

"You gotta understand he's just getting comfortable. Your mom's probably trying to be accepting. He's your boyfriend."

"No." That's not it, it's not that simple. "He will dead call for her and ignore me. She doesn't care what I do in a day and I can't get her to look at my art for more than two seconds but he gets her undivided attention. He's only known her for three months."

"That's how it is sometimes," she shrugs. I shake my head.

"No. That's not how it is, and if it is I can't be doing this. No, ma'am."

Her finger raises and I shut up as she takes a call. I didn't even hear a ring, but based on her face she's not liking whoever it is on the phone or what they have to say. She has that stank face that she gets when someone's got her twisted. Meanwhile, the waitress pops back up.

"Ready to order or do you guys need a few more minutes?"

"You must got me fucked up," Yaya blurts causing the server's brow to raise as she looks from Yaya to me. She only asked what we were ordering.

"We're ready to order," I smile. Quickly she takes her pen from her pile of blonde hair.

"I'm not working Friday after I already said I needed that day off," Yays waves to me to order for her since she's on the phone. I know what she'd order. The server looks from her again back to me readying her paper and pen.

"She'll take the fried chicken with mac and collards. I'll take the house cheeseburger with fries.. thank you," I nod as she walks away. I take a sip of my iced tea, wiping the condensation from the glass onto my dress and leaning forward with my hands in my lap.

"Right, but I said it back in July so you'd know I'd need this Friday off. It's in writing, do I need to pull it up," Yaya threatens to whoever is on the phone. I wonder what's going on on Friday. "Yes, pull it up and look at the email.. uhuh.. Yes, so Fri-day I will NOT be there," she enunciates. "Correct… Uhuh, buh-bye!" She rolls her eyes and hangs up shaking her head at me and I know the frustration well, we work at the same Michael's. It's awesome, but our manager is very manipulative. I sip my tea thinking about it.

"You need to be the manager." I wish she were the manager.

"Pur!.. and Dean needs to go," she laughs sipping her coke. "How's your Fiverr going?"

"Oh girl I got some gigs, I've made about $110 from it so far."

"Okay! I'm on Upwork I made about $200."

"Damn. Well I'm looking at working at the Children's Museum for more money."

"True, I saw that position too.. but don't overextend yourself. I'm not.. because we still need to finish with these classes and get our art portfolios together and we ain't finna graduate late-tuh!"

I know, but I also need money.

When our food comes, we get refills on our drinks and that's when she comments on the restaurant, after she bites into her chicken. It's both of our first time coming in, but it's right near our college which is why we decided to give it a shot for lunch. It's called Urban Hangout and that's exactly what it looks like, a coffee shop to hang out in and just sit. The food is really good too.

"So what you got going on Friday," I ask dipping and shoving fries in my mouth one by one.

"Tuh, Friday? Nothing I just needed a day to myself and that's the day I'm taking," her lips pout when I laugh.

"That's smart! I'm glad you ain't let Dean try to sucker you like he be trying." I lean in. She's curling her finger like she needs to tell me something. "He's famous for shit like that -What," I whisper quickly. She waves her hand aggressively for me to stop talking.

"Meg.. you know that guy over there," her eyes flicker to my left. My head stays still but my eyes briefly follow hers to a quiet looking guy sitting at a table alone with an art pad and a beanie on covering his ears and eyebrows, eyes focused down as he draws.

"Mm-mm, no.. Never seen him in my life.."

"Well he keeps looking over here at you, I think he drawing you." She bites her chicken and sips her coke as I stare.

Me? Why he couldn't be drawing her, why does she assume it's me? I take another look at the guy but turn my head too far and end up making eye contact when he looks up. He looks different than I thought he would now that I can see more of his face. He blinks like he's waiting to see what I'm a do so I get up and sit across from him. He's really cute, though I got a man. There's nothing wrong with being nice, I tell myself.

"You go to Alan Hancock?"

The corner of his mouth lifts as he looks straight at me. He has long eyelashes and pretty, full kissable lips. I sit a little straighter. If I weren't already three months deep in a relationship I'd give him my number. He focuses back on his artpad, sketching, his eyes moving back and forth between my face and his paper with new energy. I look over at Yaya wondering if she sees what I see and she's smiling like she knows what I'm thinking. She knows my type, brown skin and bearded. He looks like he has a nice build under the loose shirt. And he draws.

"You speak..?" He doesn't respond. I'm starting to think he's deaf and cute. Maybe he can read lips, both sets. I wave and when he looks up, I point to my lips. "What's your name?" He only and smiles, his eyes creased at the corners, still sketching away.

I decide to just sit still and wait until he's done to see the picture, curious of his skill level. If he doesn't go to Hancock for art, then dammit he should.

Suddenly he stops, looks his page over seriously, and hands me the artpad across the table. He watches me for my reaction. It's a full rendering of my face in great detail and he's made me look beautiful. He's even got my negro nose with the piercing down to the shape of my eyebrows. My locs are accounted for and he put texture on them. Next to that is a full sketch of me sitting at my table, leaning onto the table with the straw in my mouth to drink. He's even got the print of my dress down. Only thing is he's added a realistic looking flower behind my ear in both pictures and I'm not wearing a flower. I look up briefly, curious.

His smile returns as he sees my head tilt with a question in my eyes about the flower. Going into his backpack beside him, he gently pulls out a lively bright golden yellow flower handing it to me. I look to Yaya, who looks equally surprised while I show off my flower. She's fawning.

"Is this how you pick up girls," I smirk smelling it. It's real and I'm geeked. I tuck it behind my ear like suggested by the drawing. Taking his pad, he writes a message on the page and hands it back to me.

24 hours of silence in memory of black women killed by police brutality. My older sister was one and she loved daffodils. I've been giving daffodils to black women all day. This is my last one.

I look up at his warm eyes but now I see traces of sadness.

"When did she die," I whisper unsure of whether to speak or write now. He takes the pad and writes.

2 years ago today.

My heart breaks for him and I hold my heart looking over at Yaya who has no clue what's going on. I'll have to fill her in when I get back over there. In the meantime, I do my best to communicate that I'm truly sorry for his loss.

"Can I have this," I point to the paper. He frowns comically shaking his head and takes his pad back writing again.

I'd rather keep it. I like how it came out.

Can't say I don't understand him as an artist because there are times when you look at your work and love it too much to let it go. Still, it is my face. He smiles seeing my disappointment. I nod deciding to let it go and stand to head back to my table. By the time I sit down, he's up with his things and leaving the cafe. I let Yaya into the loop and she sympathizes looking over to the space where he previously sat.

In class, my eisele faces the window and I start my under painting which is a wash of the background.

"How did you get yet another picture in the hall," I turn to ask Yaya after thinking about it for a good few minutes. She grins with her tongue out between her teeth.

"I keep telling you, taking outside classes and going to workshops really helps you develop in realism."

"I keep saying I'm going to," I sigh as I plop my brush in water. She sweeps her brush across her canvas back and forth.

"You're lazy. That's why you haven't had anything in the hall."

"No, but why can't I just practice and learn from the classes I'm already paying for," I groan. "Otherwise why am I paying?"

"Because you can't, suck it up. You want to be in the hall or you wanna be average?"

"I wanna make $200 on Upwork."

"Up your skill set and you can," she points to my canvas with her detail brush adding insult to injury.

"Bitch, I'm trying!" Honest, I am. I've improved on my own a great deal but I've still never sold like she has. Her art is in THE HALL.

At Allan Hancock College, only the best student work lines the white brick walls of the art halls. The best of the best make it to the glass display. Every visitor to the building had to pass through the art hall and without meaning to, they stop to admire the art almost without fail. Sometimes the art sells for prices upwards of $300. Colorful portraits, hyperrealistic paintings of still life and everyday objects.. Needless to say, the hall is the goal of every art student and the golden standard to aspire to.

"That's pretty," Francis smiles in passing on the way to his easel. He's referring to my self-portrait. I started with the background and now I'm painting my skin tone. Glancing over to his station, I move from my spot to take a look at his canvas.

"Aww, look at Gravy lil fat self!" He's painting his lil fat French bulldog. "Wait a minute... Francis, you got better!.."

"I went to a painting workshop this past weekend, it was a bring your dog paint and sip night. You should've seen all of the puppies! I met a few new people too, 100% reccomend."

"You talkin bout COLORS," April jumps in from behind. Instantly I look at Yaya and she looks at me.

"I love COLORS, I'm telling you, I go there all the time. I've learned so much skill-wise and every day they have something different going on," Francis says. "You ever been?" The question is to me, but before I can answer, April cuts in.

"Y'all need to go on a Saturday night," she smirks.

"I went Sunday, it was fun. Had a lil wine," Francis adds.

"Exactly, no.. Go Saturday Night it's portrait and figure drawing night but there's always a live model and 9 times out of 10 they're always fine." She goes to her portfolio and pulls a painting of a nude black woman. Her strong features are in great detail I notice as I appraise it. This could be in the hall too if she were serious.

"Damn, I been going the wrong day, sign me up," Sheena cuts in. I ain't even see her behind me. "I wanna go, but I wanna paint a woman," she says causing Francis to look back playfully.

"We know."

"Look, I'm going this Saturday night if y'all wanna meet me there," Yaya announces as she focuses on her picture reminding me that I need to head back to mine. "Let me know and I'll get us a table. Just everyone chip in since I'm using my card."

It seems like everyone plans to go. "I'm going too," I say not wanting to be left out.

"Oh I know you are," Yaya's brow raises. I turn my lip up playfully. Kellan would've been bored there anyway he doesn't have an artistic bone in his body. He's like my mom, not interested.

Cutting the engine on my mama's car, I exit the gps and call Yaya.

"Hey. Where you at, I ain't see your car?"

"I'm coming. I'm a few minutes away, wait for me."

"I see Sheena and Francis standing outside. I can claim our station, it's fine. Just meet me inside," I tell her and on entering the urban paint bar with Sheena and Francis directly behind me, the walls are dust free and eggshell white. The overhead fixtures bring white artificial light. The floors are a light sandy wood, finished for easy clean. It looks way better than the outside, bigger too.

Francis leads the way to the desk/register/information center and I grab a brochure advertising a gallery showing that's supposed to happen.

"Hey we have a reservation for five under Yaya. 8PM," he states and we're escorted to a warm white brick space with finished wood floors easy for cleaning. Still there are plastic tarps. There are three other small groups with clustered easels signifying a division, each group with a corresponding table. Our table is table three and we order a bottle of red wine which comes around the same time as April and Yaya. We're all here and ready.

April and Francis take control since they've been to COLORS. They secure our palletes, paints, and brushes.

"Let's make it a competition," April suggests.

"You're on," Yaya points. We're all in, prepping our canvases before the model arrives and when the door reopens we all look up. "IT'S HIM," Yaya gasps echoing my thoughts. He looks just as stoic and reserved as the first time we saw him. I wave catching his eye and jog toward him stopping with my hands on my hips.

"You gotta be an art student," I gape up at him realizing he's taller than I remember. "You everywhere we be!" His lips pout in the tiniest smirk and I wonder if he's still not talking. "My bad, yes or no questions only. Nod for yes.. Are you an art student?"

He shakes his head no.

"Wow wow wow, you in school?"

He nods.

"I really wanna ask you where I'm about to start guessing schools."

Raising a finger to say wait, he proceeds to lightly grab my upper arms and shift me from his path like I'm in the way. I'm offended!

He heads to the middle point of the room which houses a small platform with a few props.

"Ohh," I mouth watching him pull of his thin but loose long sleeved purple vneck. "Dayum!"

I head back to my easel and my group has the same expression. This man looks like a gym rat. I suspected as much but you really couldn't tell through the shirt and that seems to have been on purpose. He's not like me, I flex hard af when I know I look good.

"Professionalism," I remind my classmates. "Y'all seen a naked body before. We are artists, we do not ogle... We respect the human form."

I'm half joking because I know it's normal to have a reaction, but they take me seriously and go into mature mode. Then the man takes off his ripped skinny jeans revealing strong, long, lean calves and solid, defined thighs. He's standing in burgundy briefs that expose that he's working with a monster. Big boy status in those briefs.

It's not like I've never seen a penis, Kellan's is not small. It's not as girthy as this guy's.. but it's similar in length. I'm glad he's not hear to see me damn near simping over this model. That could've been extremely awkward.

I look at the other groups and they seem to be really mature about it. I watch their eyes to see if they're faking composure but quickly change my mind and mind my business. It's a good time to grow up myself.

Then the briefs come off. I keep my face neutral but I see from the corner of my vision that the big boy is hanging. It's been a whole strip tease, I'm almost nervous to look up because my poker face is too fragile. Instead, I start with his face and upper body and jump to his legs based on my view of him. His side is turned to me. I mix my colors for the tonal differences in his skin, accounting for shadows and highlights. I want this portrait to look as good, no.. BETTER than the one he did of me in the cafe. I also want to win this little painting competition. I work on getting the color placement blocked out and accurate and then I follow up with blending and details. His hair is one of my favorite things to paint and I'm confident no one's touching me on that.

He moves around every so often to give the ones who request it a closer look. I don't mind it because he's good at returning to his mark and exact position. Also the lighting doesn't change.

I get his whole body down nearly, left with the gap between his v-cut and his thighs. It's childish but instead of drawing his penis, I start painting in the props. I paint the blue vase and the small stand holding the half full water bottle he keeps taking little breaks to sip from.

"Anyone else hot," I whisper blousing my shirt to give myself air underneath. April takes it as a sign to walk around our easels to look at our canvases and we do the same with each other's. Instantly I realize my painting isn't as good as I thought it was and that I can do better.

"You missed a whole part," she comments inspecting my painting carefully. She's looking at the way I painted his locs. I definitely succeeded there. "You just not gonna give him a dick?"

"I'm not done, I couldn't really see it from this angle," I lie. "I'm just gonna paint a modesty leaf."

"That'll ruin your pretty picture, I've seen your leaves," Francis grimaces. "It's a small part, you can finish it we have time."

I wanna tell him it ain't that small. That thing is big. Instead I pick up the brush to deliberate.

"Hey, could you come just a little closer, please? She's trying to see from the side," April points to me and when he comes closer, I have no excuse.

"Helps to paint it if you look at it maybe every once in a while," he deadpans. I freeze momentarily to look him in the eye. He thinks he's clever.

"Oh you talk now," I smile sarcastically. His small answering smirk shows no malice, purely teasing.

"I like to let people talk who like to talk."

"Yeah aight." I have to look. I start filling in the missing part of his body and when I glance left, Yaya is smirking at me. It's subtle, but I know her and I ignore her.

Kellan wouldn't understand me standing up here sipping wine and drawing dicks with a naked man so close to me. I don't think I'll tell him. That's not something I care to explain and I don't have to, it's art not sexual. I make sure I copy the smooth transition from brown to pinkish-brown on the tip of the dick. I get the healthy shine and the light pull of the balls which are big. He's clean shaven or waxed, I don't know which. When I've got the gist of it he returns to his original position.

"What's your name anyway," I call out. I can't be the only one curious.

"What importance is a given name? The universe will mold us into what we're truly meant to be."

"Erik. His name is Erik," a girl from table four says with a humored sigh. "Ignore him, he's a troll."

"That's a label you've chosen for me. You're a white woman, you are not the universe. Only black women can attempt to perceive me."

"Shut.. up," she groans. It's hard to tell but I'm starting to see he likes mixing his genuine responses with satire. It's confusing. He could be a hotep or he could be fishing. But why would hotep be a nude model? Are there hotep nude models who hand out flowers and draw in cafes?

"Let's compare," Yaya announces and we all vote on the winner with feedback from the other groups who actually consist of nice people. Yaya wins, no surprise there. I'm still proud of my painting. It's my best so far. I wish I could show it to my mama and my man without them viewing it as something perverted.

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #erik stevens #erik killmonger fanfiction #erik stevens au #black panther killmonger #colors

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sofijaeger · 3 years

Text

Sway

eren yeager x reader

word count: 3.3k

i wrote this about a year ago, i apologize for it being awkward lol

this isn’t the one I was planning on doing in my recent post, but I simply pasted this from my wattpad account and I think it’s kinda cool! This will mainly be set in 2nd person P.O.V. but your thoughts will be included as well.

Eren’s kinda OC... but who cares:)

Warnings:

• just a lil spicy👀 *Eren’s fault not mine*

• mentions/spoilers of season 3 part 2

Members of every Regiment appeared for what was planned as one special, social occasion, honoring the Scouting Regiment for their success in reclaiming Wall Maria, one of humanities' biggest comebacks. The take-back had caused so much pressure on the people, Historia, who had recently been enthroned as Queen a few months prior, had obliged an event to settle the scouts, and release any frustrations they had felt in the past.

Entering the large ballroom, each of your eyes gleamed in excitement at the sight before you. Captain even widened his eyes in amusement. Hundreds of formally looking pairs were painted across the spacious room. Many gathered in clumps around the perimeter of the ballroom, discussing each other's wear and significant ones, others casually seated at the tables, enjoying the fresh cuisine that had miraculously increased in supply thanks to the farmlands of Maria reopening.

Yet your eyes focused on one thing only. The dance floor, fully covered in couples flowing effortlessly in patterns like words written into poetry. As you began to step forward, lifting your dress in courtesy, a hand had gently tugged on your sleeveless arm. "Don't you think it's best we start the night off with conversation?" Armin gave you a gentle smile, despite his attempts to hold Connie and Sasha back from the royal buffet.

Inviting Captain Levi's Special operations squad as her guests of honor, discussions between your group and the rest of the Soldiers from each wall had been intense. The 10 members including yourself felt too uncomfortable thinking about the subject again, specifically the losses you each endured.

As the late evening began to set, and the population of the room increasingly drunkened themselves, the cadets and yourself had had enough of the boring conversations. "That's it", Connie interrupted the group, "LET'S PARTY!!". He chugged a small shot glass of alcohol, receiving a few cheers from random guests and shocked faces from you and the rest of your squad, before pulling on your wrist, leading you to the dance floor. Excited to start dancing, a single thought held you back, and eventually another wrist.

You turned your head, viewing a surprisingly timid brunette holding your hand. "Eren?" you questioned. "Is something wrong?". He finally made contact with you, and seemingly blushed? Eren was never one to make such emotional faces but it seemed the view of something had changed his thoughts.

Or someone.

"Y-You..." he stuttered. By this time Mikasa had placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong Eren?" she comforted.

Still keeping his gaze upon you, he mustered the words "You promised me a dance, don't you remember?" Your eyes widened at the question you answered only a day ago~

☼ ☼ ☼

"[Nameee]" Eren called, a day earlier. Finishing up the last of your chores, you hadn't turned in time for him to hold you in his arms, lifting you up and spinning you in surprise. "Eren?!" you laughed. "Enough with the sweetness, I'm not finished yet!" Placing you down, he reached for another broom and assisted you in your cleanings.

After a few moments, you broke the silence, yet Eren was much more into physical showings than verbal. "I'm excited for the party tomorrow" You smiled. Turning to look at him, he kept his focus on the task at hand, sighing in what seems like half content, half dissatisfaction. "Oh, don't be so mopey Eren. Especially not around me!" He leveled to your eyes, a saddened look still present on his face.

"Er, what's wrong?"

"Taking a break doesn't sound very soldier-like to me"

"Don't you think we deserve a break?" you questioned. No matter how hard you tried it seemed you could never understand him and his motives.

"We're supposed to be fighting. Staying on the front lines until everything has been settled. What's the point in taking a rest?"

"Well let's see...to maintain our sanity?" You both chuckled. After another quick moment of silence, Eren considered your thought. "I guess it won't be too bad" he laughed. "Just don't expect me to be the life of the party"

"Oh you most certainly will be" you answered. "You HAVE to dance at least once".

"What? No way!"

"Despite what you may think, you've got some of the best rhythm i've ever seen. I promise you one dance won't hurt" you told. Eren looked into your eyes, the same eyes you'd fallen for not so long ago. "Will it be with you?" He spoke in almost a whisper, unknowingly moving closer to you. Your breath jumped before you could answer with a grateful smile.

"I promise".

☼ ☼ ☼

"I had her first, Titan boy!" Connie shouted, taking your hand again. Jean seemed to stand in disbelief. "Hey, I want to dance with her too!" He argued. Mikasa quietly giggled, sneaking you a shot glass before you approached the floor. Captain Levi was careless over the boys behavior but was quite concerned for the ladies, making sure they were safe was one of his priorities, almost making him seem father-like. As Historia from the other side of the ballroom instructed the musicians to mature the theme of the night, you took a few final sips of the beverage, seeing a few shocked looks from your comrades. Before accepting Connies proposal and making your way to the floor.

Almost immediately as the two of you stepped out, the music began to play. You were glad you had such great friends to dance with, but there was one problem.

Connie surprisingly had no rhythm.

He seemed to be enjoying himself as the instruments strummed in complexity, but his steps rather than reaching the floor stepped onto your small feet. You couldn't last more than 8 seconds with him. Jean suddenly tapped your shoulder and you accepted his offer to dance. "You understand, don't you Connie?" You cheekily smiled before walking away with Jean.

When Marimba rhythms start to play, Dance with me...

"Make me sway" The two-tone haired boy sang to you, making you laugh as you attempted to assist him in his dance steps. Jean was a good dancer, it was well known between the scouts, but it seemed no one could match your skill or competitiveness. "Jesus, Jean you really are a horse!" you critiqued. Your laugh though soon became more of a worry. Where was Eren? In all honesty you just wanted to spend time with him. Where could he have gone to?

What you hadn't observed was the turquoise-eyed boy on the side of the ballroom, who was very skeptical of your time spent with the others. No matter how often he denied it, seeing you happy with Jean pissed him off.

"I'd step in if I were you." a smaller man suggested, stepping towards Eren and Armin, who was trying to comfort his friend in the process of being extremely possessive over a girl who wasn't even his.

"Really, Captain?" Eren responded. Levi nodded, adjusting his tuxedo before shoving him to stumble closer to you and the horse.

Jean's face showed an apologetic frown for his clumsy footwork, before he noticed something over your shoulder. Jean smirked, then used his shoe to tangle you into your tight dress. You gave him a look that meant none else than 'are you kidding', leaving you no choice but to twirl yourself out of your tangled attire.

Immediately as you settled yourself out of your entwined dress, the hands of your partner were reapplied to your form, less tense.

You look up, only to notice your partner grabbing your hand and swerving you in a circle, beginning your dance again. You couldn't turn your head quick enough to meet his face, and it was quite a sharp twirl, one you never thought would've come from Jean.

And that’s when you realized you weren’t dancing with Jean anymore.

The male then began challenging footwork, something you could easily tag along to since it was...

At a quick tempo?

Just who am I dancing with?!

Again, before you could turn your head to make eye contact with your partner, he spun you once more, so that your backside was facing his chest. One hand of his sliding over your stomach, the other gently tracing down your arm to grab your hand again. Your breath hitched, and your feet continued to move in a pattern so insync, it was quite hard to understand how you were keeping time with him.

This guy is better than me!

Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, pull me close, sway me more.

Spinning you back around so you were held in a standard partner position, this boy held you so close your head was practically leaning on his shoulder. He didn't want you to see the reactions of the hundreds of people, now stepping off the floor to give their attention to you two. He wanted you to feel the moment with him, as if you were the only two in the world.

You were his world, that was for sure.

Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me, sway with ease...

The two of you continued to move in a circular motion across the center of the floor, stopping only for improvised footwork or him lifting you off the floor as you two spun. From afar, you met Mikasa's eyes as she and a few other couples danced around you. She was with Jean, as he held her waist with a grin, but she didn't seem to happy about it. Chuckling at her facials, You were twirled again by your mysterious partner, his chocolate tussles brushing over your cheek.

When you dance you have a way with me, Stay with me,

The male hugged your form, pressing your entire body so close to his, slipping one finger into the cut of your dress so he was now tickling the bare skin of your lower back. The music timed perfect with this words:

"...sway with me"

Eren sang into your ear.

Your jaw dropped open, as the male longingly looked to your gorgeous complexion. Finally, you had the chance to meet Eren's eyes, but you didn't want to anymore. He had left you a beet-red mess.

God, you loved him.

Other dancers may be on the floor

Dear, but my eyes will see only you

Only you have that magic technique

When we sway I go weak.

It truly was an odd moment for everyone. The other scouts who had become your family had noticed your reaction in this very moment, as well as your emotions around him in the last few years. You were stubborn, but you'd always allow your temperamental, boss-like exterior to subside whenever you were with, him.

You had no choice than to wrap your arms around Eren's neck, to avoid any hints of your already blushing self. Dammit, what the hell is wrong with me?! you thought to yourself.

Eren chuckled in surprise, taking his far hand to support your upper back. "What?" he flirtatiously questioned, sending breathed heat to your neck where his mouth spoke. "You did say 'enough with the sweetness'". Eren used his index finger that had already been under the waistline of your dress to titillate your lower back once again. You whimpered in what you both knew was pleasure, and placed your head snug into the crook of his neck, your heavy breaths making his smug look even greater.

He took pride in how he was making you feel,

I can hear the sounds of violins, long before it begins

Make me thrill as only you know how, sway me smooth, sway me now

He slyly kissed the side of your upper half, from your warm cheek down to your collarbone over and over, continuing to sway as to not make a scene. You couldn't do anything but grit your teeth, for Eren had never pulled any sort of loving move to this extent. It was obvious he wanted to please you. And it was working, because you were furious.

No person could ever come close to making you feel this way, so why Eren? What about his sincerity and allurement made its way into you? Why did he make my heart race? It may have been his eyes, which caught you by surprise from the first day of Cadet training. You remembered thinking how you've never seen green eyes so bright, or how they could easily pass as turquoise from the blue and yellow flecks scattered in them. Maybe it was his confidence? An emotion he let out so effortlessly, even when he felt hopeless. It made you feel warm, like a true savior was guiding you.

As you pondered stressfully between your thoughts, so much frustration had caused you to gather a small tear in your eyes, and if you hadn't blinked, it wouldn't have trickled onto Eren, butterfly kissing his now damp neck.

Eren widened his eyes at your reaction, and immediately supported your head in his hand. "[Name?]" he worriedly whispered, burying his nose into your hair to shield your emotions from any eyeing guests. A minute passed with no response, he desperately tried to get an answer from you.

"Are you?... I didn't mean for you to-"

"It's not that" you whispered back.

"It had to have been something I did-".

"Yes-" was all you could muster before Eren spun the two of you in between couples, exiting the hall in an elegant fashion. He let go of your form, only holding on by your hand as he led you out to one of the many balconies the castle held, away from all the people.

Coming to a stop by the balustrade, Eren quickly turned around to see your almost dizzied form. Head down and sniffing back tears you most certainly didn't want to release in front of him. He took one step, wrapped his arms around you, less provocative than before, and held you for quite a while in silence. That is until he gained the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry, I really am." he cooed. "I never intended to make you feel uncomfortable. Please, know it was just a joke if I hurt your feelings in any way..." He placed a hand back over your head, softly rubbing it as you stood in his embrace. You wanted to cry right then and there. Cry out all the emotions youd held in these past years. He confused you so much you didn't know how to think or act around him. If that wasn't enough for you to begin crying again, the kiss he gave onto your forehead did the trick.

"I don't understand. " you whispered.

"What?"

"I don't understand you!" you shouted. Eren's face paled as you shoved out of his embrace, crossing your chilled arms. Wary of being too loud, you stuttered your next words.

"How come... you always know what to say. Is that another perfect quality of yours?".

Shit

Holding back your feelings wasn't an option anymore.

You had to let him know.

You wanted to let him know.

"No matter how hard I try I can never understand you! One minute your completely focused on what you have in mind, and the next your smiling without a worry in the world. I don't get it! You never give up on me, or never fail to make me beam, even in the darkest of times. How can you do that to me?! How can you make me nervous and excited at the same time? What is it about you that makes me want to fall harder for you?!"

Eren stood at you bug-eyed. How in the world was he supposed to respond to something so heartfelt? Words he conveyed so mutually? Luckily, you gave him more time as you continued to confess in your confusing way.

"Maybe... it's that your so loving towards your goals" you calmed down,"Yea...That's it." confirming with yourself out loud."Goals I find so astonishing, though I can barely understand how you approach them. It makes me want to stand by you, all the time, defeating all the challenges you face”.

You grabbed each of his clammy hands that hung beside his limpish figure.

“I want you to achieve the greatest happiness imaginable Eren." You looked up at him, and there was that blush you'd seen on him from before. Darker this time, even in the illuminated sky.

"It's a distinct feeling, I think of admiration? No, more than that. One I can't help, so rather than trying to fight it, I can't do anything but surrender to it. I sound absolutely crazy but I can't help it because-"

“I’m in love with you” Eren finished your sentence.

"Yes, that's exactly how I feel Eren! Wait, come again?"

By the time you could process his words, Eren had pulled you into a deep first kiss. His lips were warmer than you expected. The boy had wanted to hold you like this for as long as he could remember, his own hands couldn't bring you closer to him. He slid his hand through your hair, the other around your waist, finding its way back to that sweet spot underneath your waistline hem.

You quiet moan from his action was enough permission to passionate the bond between you two, as you grabbed him around the neck.

Eren was so immensely happy. He'd had never felt this kind of love.

A love he felt so rawly, he was completely lost in his dreams when he was with you.

You couldn't contain your breath much longer, forcing yourself to break away in a gasp, yet your noses still connected, Eren blindly searching for your lips again.

"[Name]" he whispered , touching his forehead with yours.

"I didn't know how to explain it, how you complete me when I thought no one could, but you do understand me, that's why I-" He stared into your tired eyes, gesturing his confession. "I-I can't contain myself around you. As soon as I see you each morning, I feel every urge in my body to tell you every detail about me, knowing you'll listen and genuinely care. I want... to kiss you every single time I look at you." His breath carried him into a few peppered kisses to your lips.

"Never in a thousand years could this event, or any person i've met be the source of my sanity. It's you, [Name], it always has been".

Your mind couldn't process what exactly had just happened, so you continued to stare down at his shoes, Your foreheads still connected as Eren once again attempted to get a response out of you.

"Was that too much?" Eren asked. His hand had made its way to hold yours, his other against your dry, tear-stained cheek, stroking it with upmost sympathy. "What I did back in the ballroom?"

You smirked, meeting his eyes with pure confidence and shook your head 'no'.

"I never said I didn't like it, Eren".

Eren smiled, wiping your damp under-eyes with his finger as he lead you back into the ballroom. There, you'd met the rest of your squad who was seated at your reserved table.

"Oi, that was some dance you two did" Connie raised his eyebrows up and down in amusement. "I got... lost in the moment." Eren nervously claimed. Connie seemed to notice the two of you still holding hands just as Jean had. "Someone confessed" Jean confirmed, but you could only smile.

"That's enough with the chatting. Get the last of your fun in now, because you won't have another chance like this for a while." Captain Levi broke in. The 10 of you ran back out to the dance floor, enjoying every bit of yourselves into the late night.

In all of your losses, all your tragedies, you'd found true happiness. And it seemed Eren had as well, turning to you with an even greater smile than he had ever made before.

#anime #eren jaeger #eren x reader #snk eren #eren x you #eren yeager #eren aot #eren x y/n #fanfic #fan fiction #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #hes adorable

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dayseternal-blog · 3 years

Note

Hi Days! I'm a huge fan of your work and your tumblr blog bc you give so many naruhina fanfic recs and talk about your stories, etc.

To sum it up, you're my favorite person lol, I'm a bit shy so I'm asking this as an anon, but I wanted to tell you something random just because I've always just thought about it and maybe you would agree or comment on it.

Have you ever listened to mitski? If you haven't I recomend you do bc she's amazing, but anyways I was listening to a song of hers called "washing machine heart" and it reminded me of naruhina, like the fic "together you and I" but different you know, like naruto only married hinata because he couldn't have sakura, she was his second option and every time he looked at her he wished and pretended it was Sakura, so Hina tries her hardest to look pretty and try to be the person he wants, always getting saddend by the idea that she isn't the one he wants, she knows his heart will only belong to Sakura. She let's him trample all over her heart and use her because she loves him unconditionally, maybe cry to her on some nights because he longs for Sakura's love that will never come.

I've read so many fanfics and I've never encountered one using this concept, I'd write it myself, but I'm not good at writing, maybe I'm reaching but it could inspire an angst story made by you or just a prompt or idea/concept for anyone to use. The hurt in this could be inmaculate and I bet a good writer could bring everyone to tears if they read a story like this. You don't have to do anything ofc I'll love you either way, I'm not meaning to push you to write a whole story with this concept by any means or to even post this ask, it's just something I made up/ related to this certain song, so I wanted you to see it, perhaps share your opinion or thoughts on it or just think about it. I love pain a lot hahaha bc I'm not a narusaku shipper in any way, I actually dislike the ship a lot.

Thank you for reading this and pls keep up the awesome work!! I'll always be a fan and support you and your spectacular writing❤️❤️

GAH What an awful fic idea you have 💔

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata are married. So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night. Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it.

And

“Territorial” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M, High school AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. When Hinata takes advantage of Naruto’s desperation for love, they’re both a little too much for the other to handle.

Are similar to what you have there.

HERE’S MY VERY QUICK AND INCOMPLETE STAB AT YOUR PROMPT IT’S UNEDITED UNREVISED CANON-DIVERGENT AU RATED T FOR LANGUAGE BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT I COULD COME UP WITH 😘 THEY ARE NOT MARRIED BECAUSE I WOULD BE TOO SAD

...

Naruto finally makes it to the Hokage’s office, having had trouble shaking off fangirls on his way. He can immediately tell he’s the last one there, even though it’s the eve of the Rinnegan Festival. Tense expressions greet him, the atmosphere somber.

Sakura whips her attention back to the desk before them. “Rokudaime, with all due respect, I don’t think Naruto belongs on this mission.”

Her behavior has confused him all night. First moving away from him so that Hinata would sit between them at Ichiraku when Hinata could have just sat on the other side of him. Then pushing him to follow Hinata back home. He said aloud that he’d be seeing her later, and that he wanted to catch up with everyone first, but Sakura just glared at him...

She’s been pushing him away, more and more every day, breaking his heart to smaller and smaller pieces...whether knowingly or not, he’s not sure about that, but she’s never rejected him from being her teammate on a mission.

Worried, he meets Kakashi’s gaze.

“I understand your concern, Sakura.” His tone is heavy. His usual careless attitude nowhere in sight. “Call it just my gut-feeling...you’re going to need Naruto’s strength for this mission.”

Hanabi was kidnapped.

Hiashi and Hinata are nowhere to be found.

“What do you mean...?” Naruto finds himself asking. “I just saw her. We just saw her. Not even an hour ago.”

“When Sai reported Hanabi’s kidnapping, believe me, Naruto, we moved to notify her family immediately. Anbu can’t find them.”

“What?” The last memory he has of Hinata abruptly leaving dinner and running off without hardly a word nags at him, inexplicably tightening his chest. “She’s fine. Hinata’s strong. She can take on anybody. No one would dare-”

“Naruto,” Sakura interrupts, her gaze cutting sharp. “She’s nowhere to be found. And as much as you believe that, no one is invincible. Not even Hinata. We need to form a plan, otherwise we’re losing precious time.”

“No one is invincible. Not even Hinata.”

An emptying numbness invades his insides, discomforting slickness muting him.

This isn’t his fault, is it?

What if she needed to tell him something?

She was acting strange at Ichiraku.

Quiet, unusual for her as of recent...

But how was he supposed to notice? Should he have followed after her, like Sakura said? But they were supposed to meet at his apartment later on anyway, so why did she have to come out early like that and ruin the good time he was having? She knows how he hasn’t given up on Sakura.

She knows everything about him. She’s been his rock after Sakura tried to shut him down for good. So how can it be that she’d just disappear? There’s no way.

There’s just no way that she disappeared right after she left...

Hours.

Hours of wandering around in abandoned, desolate, war-stricken villages in god-knows-where, and nothing. No one.

He’s asking for the hundredth time, but he doesn’t care, he’s past the point of desperation, and anxiety-laced tension fills the air. “Taku, you really don’t see anything?!” The Hyuuga they have on their team led them into this godforsaken wasteland.

Taku turns on him aggressively, getting in his face in reaction, and yells, “What about you?? You think I’m not trying my best?! This is my family! Just because you’re Hinata’s boyfriend doesn’t mean you’re any more worried than the rest of us! You don’t sense her??”

No. He doesn’t.

His Sage Mode has never been so useless. In fact, he senses no one besides them in this place, and it’s with terrible unease that he begins to entertain the thought that she’s gone for good.

“There’s no one even here besides us! Nothing! Why’d you take us down here? Where are we even?! How do we get out of here in the first place?!” he argues back.

“Sakura-san was right! You don’t belong on this mission! I don’t know what Hinata-sama could ever see in you, I haven’t seen her smile in months!”

“What do you mean by that?! She smiles all the time! I’ve never seen her act so cheerful in my life!”

“So you fucking know it, too!” Taku glares at him with an incredulous expression. “That she’s just acting!”

“What the hell do you mean by that-”

And he doesn’t know what happened next, but Sai’s grabbing onto Taku and he himself is locked in Shikamaru’s shadow manipulation. Chakra’s sparking off his own hands, while blue embers warp along Taku’s.

“Calm down,” Shikamaru orders both of them. “We’re not getting anywhere if the two of you keep fighting.” He waits for Taku to loosen his stance.

Sai lets go of him.

Taku throws an insulting glare around before sauntering off.

Shikamaru sighs. Hard. “Go cool your head, Naruto.” He retracts his shadow, and Naruto wastes no time walking off in the opposite direction, far from wherever Taku is heading.

Yet Taku’s ridiculous words ring in his head. “That she’s just acting.”

But she said that she’s happy to be with him. That she doesn’t mind that he’s still in love with Sakura. She said that she’s just happy to be with him.

She said that. She did. And she wouldn’t lie to him, right?

She was just acting?

“You’re not going to finish your ramen?” he asked her on their date last month.

“No...” Suddenly, she smiled brightly, something she’s been doing more often ever since he mentioned that he’s always liked how genki Sakura is. “Do you want the rest of mine? I’m dieting.”

He scrunched his eyebrows at her. “Dieting? Why?”

“Well...” She looked thoughtful for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. “Naruto-kun, you like thin girls, right?”

He knew she was talking about Sakura. “...I guess...”

“I want to make you happy,...” she started. She bit her lips for a hesitating moment before continuing, “so I’ve been trying to lose a little weight.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what to make of that. Unbidden, he looked her over.

“Can you tell?” she asked, her characteristic shyness lowered her lashes, yet she didn’t fidget under his examination, and he could tell how she was trying her best to have that confident persona he admires in his former teammate.

Despite her recent changes in attitude, Hinata’s still been so physically small compared to himself and everyone else. Under her jacket, he couldn’t tell if she looked skinnier or not, and even if she was, he doesn’t think she really needed to be skinnier.

But then she looked up at him with that heavy, hopeful weight in her gaze, and he couldn’t let her down. Not when she’s trying so hard for his approval.

He fibbed easily. “Yeah. You look really good.”

She shined another smile at him that made him feel good. Even if their relationship wasn’t traditional, he could at least still make her happy. He could at least tell her some sweet words and see her sweet smile and-

She was lying.

She wasn’t happy?

He never made her happy?

Then what was the point of any of it?

No, she must have been happy, right?! She said so! She told him so! Many, many times!

After all, he asked her. All of those times he thought she was faking her smile, he asked just to make sure, and she vehemently told him that she was really happy to be with him.

She said he could talk to her about all of it. That she could take on his heartbreak because her feelings were so much bigger than...

“Uzumaki Naruto.”

The unfamiliar voice has him leaping to his feet.

A man as pale as a ghost with piercingly icy eyes is floating down to him on some strange platform. “You’re really as pitiful as I expected.”

“Who the hell are you?!” He readies his stance. He’s not in any mood for games, and he’s ready to let loose some of his stress on this very suspicious character.

“Hinata’s fiance.”

“Hinata?!” Fire races through his veins, heating his feet, and he’s ready to leap at this guy. “Where is she?!”

“With me.”

His heart rate exponentially explodes, beating into his ears, his skin practically bristling. “Let her go,” he demands, and the threat of his words leaks from every pore of his being. “Now.”

The man almost snorts. “What makes you think she wants to see you? You only ever used her, broke her...” His collected expression hardens, and Naruto can sense that he has no intention of releasing her. “I’ll make her happier than you ever could.”

Several thoughts fly too quickly through his mind to properly process any of it, leaving only residual uncertainty and that deepening sense of his culpability in her sudden disappearance. But he doesn’t linger on the unpleasant sensations. “What the fuck do you know?!” And he’s charging at him, a Rasengan heavy in his hand.

The enemy is far more powerful than he appeared, immediately blowing him back with some kind of focused chakra. “Weak, pathetic.”

“GIVE HER BACK!” He replicates himself a dozen times, each of them throwing Rasenshurikens at the man.

Yet more of that strange yellow chakra protects him. He’s unscathed even under his shadow clone onslaught. “No. I gave her a choice, and she came with me. I’m just here to get rid of you, take revenge against you for her sake.”

He hardly comprehends the nonsense spewing out of the enemy’s mouth, and he rallies his clones into close combat, but the man manages to avoid many of the attacks while landing hits of his own.

Clones poofing away only to be replaced by more, frustration and fury starting to blind him into sloppier and sloppier moves.

“I love Hinata. That’s why I deserve her.”

He chokes on his own breath, and in his momentary loss of concentration,...

He’s falling.

------------------------*

aaannnnd that’s as far as I want to go with that. Imagine the rest of the team arriving in time to notice Toneri making his escape toward the sky, and I guess the rest of the story would sort of follow the rest of The Last...Naruto self-reflects a lot in a bundle of depression for a long time and yeah.

...ahhh... I encourage you to write the fic you want to see in the world ❤️

#anon #thank you for thinking i could do your fic idea justice #but in the end 😅 i'm sorry that this is a letdown #i'm not much one for angst you know #who wrote white lilies not me #thank you for laying the praise on thick 🥺 don't know if i'm deserving #thank you for reading!

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

Text

Okay, seeing all this at once is sort of cool. In my defense about the tags, I don’t often add tags to my posts at all. But I do try to be conscious of the fact that there are a lot of young people on this site, and that the world contains plenty of minors and adults who find it difficult to read stories in which alcohol is discussed flippantly, so when I talk about being a person who drinks alcohol sometimes I try to tag that consistently so it’s easy for people to block those tags and not see my posts. Just... just felt the need to include that explanation, because I feel like it doesn’t make me look great that two of my top five tags are related to alcohol. I don’t post about alcohol all the time... I think.

Anyway, I’m putting my year in review under the cut if anyone wants to see my top five posts and how rarely I use tags (combine that with the fact that I have an Android and would never get an iPhone, and I’m pretty much unaffected by the great iOS tag ban of this weekend).

I posted 1,439 times in 2021

1097 posts created (76%)

342 posts reblogged (24%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 125 tags in 2021

#taskmaster - 34 posts

#tw: alcohol - 27 posts

#russell howard - 14 posts

#jon richardson - 13 posts

#tw: alcohol mention - 9 posts

#josh widdicombe - 7 posts

#lee mack - 6 posts

#8 out of 10 cats does countdown - 5 posts

#sandi toksvig - 5 posts

#rhod gilbert - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#but this is far from the first time i've seen a comedian make a joke like that between 2008 and 2015

My Top Posts in 2021

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I uploaded this video to YouTube a few months ago, and this morning I got a notification that said it’s been blocked in a few countries. I guess Sean’s death has caused more searches for his name or something and maybe that has alerted the copyright police to the existence of videos with his name in the title? I honestly have no idea whether that’s how this works, or whether it’s just a coincidence that it got a copyright hit today.

Either way, fuck that, and this seems like a good time to upload it to Tumblr again. When I first created this blog, just over a year ago now, Tumblr asked me what I wanted my username to be. I knew it would be a Britcom blog, so I’d make the name a Britcom reference. I asked myself what was my favourite Britcom line that I could put into a name. And I came up with the time that Sean Lock expressed a desire to tell meerkats at the zoo to relax.

I said this when I first uploaded this clip ages ago, and I’ll say it again: I really think this encapsulates something special Sean Lock was able to do with comedy. Craft this really specific image (we can all clearly picture the way meerkats frantically run around an enclosure digging holes, right?) and then just riff on it and take us all with him while he does so.

Fucking hell.

122 notes • Posted 2021-08-18 14:06:23 GMT

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I’ve been re-watching some Taskmaster season 7 lately. I really enjoy catching little moments (these two from different episodes in the same season) that tie together.

168 notes • Posted 2021-08-04 01:34:47 GMT

My reaction to the devestating news is going to come out a bit at a time, but here’s one thing: the first thing that brought a tear to my eyes was when I looked at my notifications and saw a bunch of likes and reblogs for my old Catsdown posts because people must be going through the Catsdown/Sean Lock tags right now.

The first thing that made me go from a tear in my eye to properly crying was when I read Jon Richardson’s tweet about it. Sean Lock would hate that he was the reason I broke my usual pattern of not going on Twitter (I mean, Sean Lock wouldn’t give a fuck what I personally do, but he’d be sorry to be responsible for Twitter getting extra views). Somehow I think the picture from their trip to America is the worst part. The episodes documenting that trip are some of the first things I thought of after seeing the news.

188 notes • Posted 2021-08-18 12:29:38 GMT

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Fun fact: Any appearances you’ve seen by Jimmy Carr in the last nine or so years have been faked with body doubles and camera trickery. He’s actually been dead since 2013, when he was murdered by Richard Ayoade on the set of Was It Something I Said.

243 notes • Posted 2021-06-02 16:31:36 GMT

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It must be really unfortunate to be an editor on Taskmaster and have to do your job every day while knowing you will never do any bit of editing that’s as good as this.

550 notes • Posted 2021-05-08 01:33:21 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

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quinn-tessence · 3 years

Text

Nocturne for a Clown

Part 1

In this frightening, destabilizing global pandemic, we all seek comfort. I found mine in Arthur, and I know many of you did too. This community has given me so much, I cannot express my gratitude enough. So here's something I can give back. A Nocturne for our beloved Clown, who still inspires us to this day, and will probably never stop. 🤡🖤

Summary: you stumble into an intriguing neighbor, a tragic, beautiful party clown named Carnival with jade eyes and cocoa hair. His meekness around you gets under your skin enough to lead you unconsciously into his path by accident.

Length: 3.5k

Warnings: mentions of mental illness, alcohol use, nudity, playful flirting and light fluff. Pre smut intro, this is going places… 🤭🤡❤

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You should have taken more bags, you could barely hold all these groceries as you opened the door to let yourself inside your block of flats. You greeted granny Mabel picking up her mail but swiftly turned your attention to the closing door of the elevator.

‘Wait, hold the lift, please!’

In your haste to catch the ride, a foot was lodged on the door, sliding it back open to let you in. Careful not to spill all the veggies on the floor, your attention fell onto the man sharing the ride with you only as he asked what floor you were going to.

‘5th please, thank you for holding the door'

‘Sure'

The lift shook in its slow ascent, your heart would have skipped a beat had it not been a part of your daily routine to feel that bump in your bones. His hair is really nice, the length and the curls around the edges. Hm. You couldn't help looking at him, he was all of your visual field after all, so you scrutinized, as you’d often do. He’d politely turned sideways, avoiding to keep his back to you, but you couldn't see his face clearly in the dim yellow light. He wasn't much taller than you, his complexion quite slim and fragile looking, his back slouched as if carrying the heaviest weight on his shoulders. Gotham made that easy, grey and gloomy by day even during good weather, a pile of construction and buildings with no defined identity, enough to fit all from the scourge to the wealthy.

‘This building's awful, isn't it?’ an uncharacteristic curiosity made you try out some small talk in the hopes you'd get a better glimpse.

You knew too few people in this building, and you were far from chatty in elevators with strangers. Usually. He looked so old fashioned wearing that shirt and the linen vest, but the ochre of his jacket heightened the cocoa brown of his hair, yellow light reflecting off the edges delicately. He was cute, in an oddly endearing sort of way. A pair of basil green eyes turned to your as he bit the bait, the sly grin cutting through his cheek a stark contradiction to everything else about him, the scar on his upper lip a peculiarity that only furthered your intrigue. There was a deep well of sadness in his eyes, overbearing, bone chilling. It prickled your skin as you noticed it, but the gaze under his eyelids was piercing. That unnerving feeling the striking contrast brought, you couldn't shake it off.

The joy ride on strings stopped just as your cheeks started to fluster. You bid him good night as you walked out, your awareness over your morning overuse of perfume now as acute as ever.

‘Hey!’ he shouted in a shy, husky voice as you stepped out.

You turned to him one last time to see him mimicking a gun shot to the head as a rather late comical attempt to reply to your earlier remark. Unconventional, yes, but not a sort of humor you didn't enjoy. The fact that you just couldn't make him out drew a puzzled smile on your face as the elevator door closed.

Hm. What was that? you wandered as you had one foot in stirring curiosity, the other guiding you to your door as if by reflex. You'd lived here for months already, yet you hadn't seen him before. He was quite handsome in an outlandish sort of way, you would not have let that go unnoticed had you seen him before.

Months had passed, yet you still had storing boxes around your living room. Your stay should have just been temporary, yet you'd started decorating it with your own sketches and it had suddenly become your home, your sanctuary, your oasis to recharge you after long days at the office close by. You'd stumbled into this place by accident while looking for a cozy place to stay, but you found no reason to leave it behind. Your own art gallery, with bright lights flooding the windows throughout the day that allowed you to paint during weekends without your eyes squinting, your safe space.

Not today though, your feet were sore and your arms hurt from carrying those groceries. All you wanted was a glass of white wine and an excessive bag of popcorn while you watched the Murray show, but you picked up Dostoyevsky to delve again into the question of the perfect murder while you waited. This book you could never grow tired of, and it rattled you to devour chapter after chapter, accompanying a tormented soul on a journey of falling into madness, its universe a silent revolt and escape from the reality of Gotham you'd craved deep down without ever voicing.

‘We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, that begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.' Hm. Go figure.

The deafening silence in the room would soon be filled by your own comments at the starting show, Murray’s humor making you roll your eyes at his lack of self awareness, quite versed he was in ridiculing one person or another. A comedy show, yes, but sometimes he would take it a bit too far even for your inappropriate taste in humor.

A few hours and half a bottle of wine later, the sweet taste of the wine still lingered on your lips, flooding your murky mind to a familiar place of solitary self indulgence. Not long after shutting your eyes, a recent memory took shape at the back of your eyelids, and you felt an irrational urge to trace a sketch of him. You were too tired to start drawing at this hour. Your fingers would be of much better use tracing those lines you were curious to feel off his own fingertips. You hadn't indulged yourself in a while, but the thought of this bewitching man flashing in the most vulgar parts of your mind soon changed that. Maybe you were blatantly objectifying your neighbor… but only a little… You'd been so busy with the new job, the long hours exhausting, the absence of a soul to keep you company a nuisance you'd learned to bury in piles of work. But the urges only amplified the more you'd stifle and ignore them, demanding to be satiated. So you gave into yourself, into him, into the sweet, intoxicating effect of your favorite wine, into the memory of the piercing green eyes that had you whimper in silence.

Something about him was out of place. You’d seen him from afar and he looked defenseless. But as you came closer, you could feel yourself swallow hard as you waited for his gaze to look to your direction. Odd, wasn't it? He hadn't said much, but the tension in the elevator had penetrated your bones to late night reminiscence. Something was not right about him, an 'I should be afraid, instead it turns me on' vibe to him had taken you right to the edge.

The next day you bumped into him after work at the corner store, he was buying cigarettes and a chocolate bar. With that level of nutrition, no wonder he was so feeble, yet there was something about him that had kept you up at night. You'd already developed a weakness for him, but that stifled your reaction instead of filling you with courage. He smiled shyly and walked out the door, his eyes counting his slouched steps. Shit. Next time.

One particular evening you noticed two blue diamonds peering meticulously through the store shelves, the greasepaint on the man's face rendering him almost unrecognizable lest for his unmistakable skinny complexion and beautiful cocoa hair. Your freight of clowns had shaped your life since childhood, yet that terror had somehow melted instantly at the sight of his jade eyes underneath the white blue makeup. He'd shied away as you noticed him, stealing a smile that got your feet walking into an opposite reaction, trying to hide your pleasant surprise at his creepy, endearing stares. You wondered if that was his job, it would be absurd to just walk around in a clown costume, stalking women. Not to mention, horrifying and nightmare inducing, as even you would have felt until a moment ago if it hadn't been him wearing the clown costume.

Fumbling around the store, shying behind the counters as you paid for your groceries, you couldn't resist glancing at him one more time. You'd missed your chance before and you regretted it. All it took was to reach for one item from the isle he was hiding in, even if you had no use for it. Startling him was the last of your intentions, so you mimicked his behavior peering at him through the shelves, perhaps that would open him up to you. As you both walked in the same direction towards the corridor, he stopped shy in his tracks, eyes now as big as the clown shoes on his feet, scanning the floors, anxiously facing the inevitable.

‘Hi there. I've seen you around, haven't I?'

You'd planned on being more casual in your approach, yet the tone of your voice evoked a warm intimacy built over nights of having him wander purposefully in the depths of your fantasies. The clown costume should have helped alienate that feeling, instead it only burned deeper. The youthful innocence draped across his face contrasted strikingly with the furrows in his forehead betraying his age. He couldn't be younger than 35 at least, yet the spark of his almond shaped eyes took 15 years off his complexion. He cleared his throat before being able to speak.

‘Hi! Yes, we met in the elevator last week. I didn't think you'd recognize me in my work outfit.’

‘I thought that was you. You could frighten ladies if you keep peering at them while wearing a clown costume, you know? Not a lot of good press on them in the past years’

A nervous chuckle escaped his throat, he couldn't have missed that connection himself but he seemed caught red handed.

‘Well I haven't even pulled my gun yet. I was waiting for the store to clear out a bit before I robbed the place and kidnapped you'

There was that dark humor, but damn him for making you smile like a teenager.

‘A clown with a gun and a plan, not at all frightening. You're funny! Pass me that pasta sauce, would you?’

He quickly reached for the item on his counter and reached over it to hand it to you. The gawkiness in his hasty moves was proof enough he wasn't used to being approached by women, you were sure his cheeks were as flaming red under the white makeup as the flower pinned to his colorful checkered blazer. You shook your head and pointed at the end of the counter, your feet moving in the direction where you wanted him. He followed shyly, dragging his oversized clown shoes.

As he handed you the item, you thanked him kindly and immediately put it back up on the shelf. His gaze fell to his feet again, surely flustered by the subtext of your action. Yet within a split of a second, his eyes pierced back at yours and you'd forgotten all words.

‘Why don't I walk you home instead? I'll keep the gun and kidnapping for another occasion. Let me help you with those' he reached for your groceries, his proximity to you feeding the fire. You gladly agreed and walked the couple blocks with him, curious of his day job and adoring the purr of his soothing voice, it tore you up every time you heard it falter. His suit and makeup should have kept you a mile away, yet he seemed to be the most welcome companion to comfort you through your biggest irrational fear. As you reached the apartment complex sooner than you'd wished, he stopped and let out a complicit chuckle.

‘I… seem to have forgotten to do my own groceries, I’ll have to go back now, somehow I got distracted…’

‘And I thought you were there just to kidnap me.’ You just couldn't help continuing his apropos, hoping deep down he'd actually do it. ‘Thank you for walking me home, that was sweet of you'

‘You're very welcome. I'm Arthur, by the way, or Carnival if you prefer the party clown'

‘Nice to meet you, Arthur. I'm Y/N.’

‘Y/N…’ the sound of your name off his lips jolted you shamelessly to the point where you needed to take that step back, and yet you didn't. ‘I'll see you around?’

The smile on his painted face a ray of sunshine in an otherwise wretched day. Carnival, you cheekily thought to yourself, never had you wanted to experience one as badly as you did seeing him light up a cigarette and inhale it wantonly almost halfway through, walking back a few steps, then turning and making his way back to the store.

Days at work had flown by rapidly in your constant distraction with a lingering image of a colorful clown. Not even the new guy everyone was talking about could catch your attention, even if your girlfriends kept mentioning a stunning pair of black eyes and a charming swagger. Had he been a smoker, you'd perhaps get a glimpse of him during your breaks, at least. The Fridays hardly ever felt like the weekend, and this one made you want to smash some bones, your own sorrows bubbling up inside you, like a mint candy in a bottle of Cola. You were more of an indoors cat, but your really couldn't pass on a 3rd invitation for a night out, your buddies would think you were willfully ditching them. Fine I'll go! Just one drink though.

Mixing gin and tequila hadn't been up there among your smartest choices. You should have stopped after the 3rd shot, but you hadn't had so much fun in months. Hah! I feel dizzy. But this feels good, your thoughts pieces of a puzzle you were too drunk to make out. As your feet moved out of the taxi and into the cold early morning air, you were finally back home. You must have remembered to pay the fare otherwise the cabby would have chased you down. You drifted in your scrambled thoughts as your feet walked out of reflex, your mind miles away, preoccupied with a certain pair of turquoise eyes. Perhaps you had a propensity for dark hues, but those had always just been mere dust in front of green shades. I’m not in my own mind anymore… I’m in someone else's... And I’m touching myself, I’m licking my lips, the tip of my tongue grazes over the scar on my upper lip, the heat of my breath comes from within a boiling body, my skin sizzles. I hum and I moan and I... hah, fuck, I think I just broke my heel, I’m so fekkin drunk. You dragged yourself to the elevator, your mind desperately hoping you were managing to keep yourself composed so the sweet old doorman wouldn't judge you as a drunken failure in life.

Why did you do this to yourself? And can you just not redirect all your remaining fluids to where they're not required before you're at least in your bed? Fuck, I can't... you'd been pushing the elevator button for a minute before you growled a tad too loud at the drunken realization you’d have to climb all 5 storeys in this wretched state you'd put yourself into.

Fine, just get your sorry ass up before you make a fool of yourself clowning around. Just one more and you're there. Fumbling for your keys in your bag, you leaned on the door and, to your surprise and annoyance, it opened. What the fuck, was I drunk before I left my apartment? How could I have forgotten to lock the damn door?

You felt sick to your stomach, you couldn't walk to the bed. You hadn't drunk so much for over a year, you’d forgotten how useless you were in this state. The couch would do for tonight. You almost dropped yourself to the floor, the couch not in the same position as you'd left it, but who cared. I'm never drinking again, you thought as you coiled around the pillow, a shoe dropping on the floor while the other hung half way. It smelled of cigarettes, most probably from your clothes.

A familiar enticing aftertaste of alcohol clawed its way out once again, you should have known this was coming. You wished he'd be there so you could release yourself to him, as frail as he was he'd surely handle you gently, and mmm wouldn't that feel sweet. The alcohol had just been a low end substitute to bury your frustrations and aches. Hah, even if he was here, you'd be useless. But that didn't stop you from dozing off to the thought of his gentle fingers strolling down your neck to your breasts, drawing circles on your waist before goin... down lo...

There was too much light in the room, as drunk as you’d been you’d forgotten to draw the curtains. You couldn't open your eyes, the headache was throbbing, so you rubbed your temples and turned your led limbs from the aching position you'd landed on as the most shameful drunk in this city.

Your mind thought you could take opening your eyes, and as you did you felt the alcohol pressuring your Adam's apple, a deep breath a flimsy stronghold to keep everything down. A deep breath that turned swiftly to a high pitched shriek at the sight of this man walking towards you dripping water off his naked body, a towel being rubbed onto his hair with both hands. You shrieked as you fell to the floor, hitting yourself against an unfamiliar coffee table, flagons of pills spilling all over it.

Oh shit, you heard him say as he hid behind the wall, peering at you but quieting his anxiety the more he looked.

'What are you... Y/N, you're in the wrong apartment! Shit, I need to put something on'

Oh god what had you done?? A sous chef could have mistaken you for a lobster and thrown you in a bucket of boiling water, you’d surely been simmering in that since the realization of how much of an idiot you were at walking into his apartment, of all damn places.

‘Oh my god, I am SO SORRY, I had a few too many drinks with my friends and I must have... I surely have climbed too many storeys to my place. I'll be out of your hair, I am so sorry!!!’ He'd been hopping throughout your dreams for the past weeks, you'd seen him naked so many times before, but not once in the flesh. You were flustered at the brazen realization of how far off you'd been as you fantasized about him bare before you. It was nerve wrecking, you wished you could just disintegrate into a million atoms and let the ground swallow you whole.

He chuckled as he returned in a half clothed state, clearly having shortened the process just to catch you before you shut the door behind you.

‘Yeah, the elevator was out of order yesterday. Hey, it's ok. You just really scared me, I wasn't expecting to find you on my couch, you know? You're... welcome to... stay a bit longer if you want. You look like you've had a rough night, I could whip out some breakfast and get you back on your feet. If you wish…’

He'd whipped out more than you'd thought he would a couple minutes ago, thank you very much for the extra sleepless nights.

‘Oh my god, no, I couldn't take advantage of you like that, I just slept on your couch uninvited, I am so horrible. Please excuse me, and thank you for not calling the cops on me.’

He'd smiled at you in the elevator before your heels had started flaming for him a few weeks back, but this was different. His whole face had lit up, his eyes sparkling as if emerald and jade had caught a reflection of the sun, his crooked tooth a tantalizing new discovery, especially as the scar on his lip etched itself deeper into your psyche. You were in his house, after all, where else would he feel most comfortable if not in his private, intimate home, one that you'd shamefully invaded and found him completely naked and wet.

‘They're on their way actually, I’m just stalling before they show up to escort you from my property.’

You chuckled as you held your temple, you must have been a disgusting mess, your makeup all smudged, on your face a decrepit layer of last nights overindulgence, and yet he made you laugh.

‘You're funny, Arthur... I'll take care of that myself, tell them it was a false alarm...’

As you opened the door to remove yourself from this torrent of shame, his voice stopped you in the doorstep.

‘Hey, you wanna… grab a coffee later tonight? It might help with that hangover’

‘You really want to go out after all this?’

‘Yeah!’ his eyebrow twitched in reflex, startling you at its sudden air of impertinence. You couldn't tell if your limbs had mellowed from alcohol, or his facial expressivity had been the melting catalyst. ‘Pajama night, I'll take you to the best Donut diner in town. 9 PM?’

You really wished you could process everything clearly, but he wasn't making it easier at all. ‘Alright then, pajama night it is!’

‘Great! Are you sure I can't help you to your place?’

‘Sorry to ask, what floor is this?’

‘6th.’

‘Oh, I’m right downstairs, maybe going down a flight of stairs will shake off this horrid hangover. Thanks again for... hosting me I guess, nice to see you again, Arthur. I'll see you later!’

You waved at him more in a futile attempt to cover your face as you stepped back out of that bubble of shame, feeling soaked to the bone. The droplets on his skin, he'd just gotten out of the shower, that routine gesture to slick back his hair, that wide morning gaze were mere special mentions as you went down the stairs, one other morning factor keeping your mind fully flustered as you unlocked your own front door this time.

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Thank you for reading this far! 🤡🖤

A special thank you to a few wonderful people who inspire me daily ❤❤❤

@littlebird92 @life-or-something-like-lt @ralugraphics @jokers-puddin-pop @arthurfleckownsmysoul @bustafatclownnut @jokers-doll @rommies @bananabreaddough @paperorigami @ransomguest49 @daydreamhustler @arthurjokersgirl @lesbianearrings @arthurflecc @iartsometimes @arthurflecksgirl @forever-fleck @sweet-nothings04 @wuika @mollyxlyla-rosex @impulsiveclown @jokerlicious @jokergirl10491 @jokeconic @ajokeformur-ray @shaw-2000 @softyash @arthurflecc

#joaquin phoenix joker #joker arthur fleck #joker film #arthur fleck #joaquin phoenix #joker #joker fanfic #joker x reader #joker x you

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