You can't blame any of them
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Peter: I know you want to keep me safe, but... the only way to do that is to wrap me in bubble wrap and hide me in a cave.
Tony: Believe me, I’ve thought about it
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Bucky, drunk and sobbing on the table: And I keep trying to tell Steve I'm in love with him, but he's so damn dense and he never notices when I flirt with him!
Steve, Oblivious and Dumb: ...When did you meet someone else named Steve?
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Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion
Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all
Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion
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Bucky: *shoots and kills people*
Bucky: *is responsible for some of the most important assassinations in 20th century’s history*
Steve: awww you go babe, you put the “cute” in execute :3
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Yelena Bolova: (walking in with a knife) Is stabbing someone immoral?
Bucky Barnes: (not looking up) Not if they consent to it.
Loki Laufeyson: (thrilled to have found his people) Depends on who your stabbing.
Steve Rogers: (visibly concerned) YES??!!?
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Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane
Harley: He'd be right
Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur
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Loki: Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Y/N: I think you mean cards.
Loki, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.
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tony would say this to peter and peter would actually stop talking.
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Thor: I was once arrested for being too cool.
Loki: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
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There are no arguments against facts
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Peter: Sometimes Tony asks me “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Peter: I’ve learned that that actually means ‘stop’
Peter: He is never very interested in my thought process
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Bucky: I liked you first!
Steve: Well, I said “I love you” first!
Bucky: [gets down on one knee] I proposed first.
Steve: Well, I- Wait, what?
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Peter: I accidentally ate MJ’s sandwich… How long do you think I have to live?
Ned: Ten
Peter: Ten what?
Ned: Nine
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Fury: That's the briefing. It is all we know about the Winter Soldier. Any questions, notes, comments?
Steve:
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