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#a lot of feelings i can't word well with my feelings towards my gender and nature
occultopossum · 1 year
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Here's a lil thing that started as a one off sketch I went ham on, was kinda sitting on it for a bit on 'does it feel finished' but gonna go ahead and toss it out there Anyways love drawing around the themes of nature, growth, and my own good ole transgenderism vibes
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genderqueerdykes · 1 month
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if you are a trans man or masc, masculine nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid or other gender non conforming identity, masc gay, a bear, a butch, stud, or boi, or other masculine queer person and don't feel welcome in any queer spaces, you're not alone.
the communities both irl and online have become EXTREMELY hostile toward mascs and men to the point of straight up excluding us and changing their wording to justify their violent exclusion. from renaming nonbinary spaces to "femme & them" and "she+" spaces, to telling men & mascs that they would "Scare" the women and "nonbinary" folks just by being there, as if masculinity and manhood are inherently traumatizing to be around.
masculine and male nonbinary folks have it so hard- most nonbinary spaces are almost definitely women's spaces who also conflate womanhood with nonbinaryhood, and often times just view nonbinary people as confused women. we are not inherently traumatizing to be around: masc enbies need places to go. we are still nonbinary and still trans and still queer for fucks' sake
nonbinary has never and will never mean femme or woman-adjacent inherently. nonbinary means what it means: people who don't or refuse to adhere to the gender binary, regardless of what side it is. masculinity is included in this, femininity is not the only way to be nonbinary.
masc queers do not have to bend over backwards to try to be more feminine and thus "less threatening" in order to have places to go. that's dysphoric and just inaccurate to a lot of queer folks' identity and presentation. it blows my mind because it makes no sense, anyway, even within the gay community, hypermasculinity has been present and even sought after by some people who find it very attractive, twunks, hunks, bears... but between the periods in queer history people started viewing masc gay leathermen and kinksters as the ones who were responsible for spreading AIDS and thus removing them from pride parades,
AND the lesbian separatism moment picking up to remove butches & male & masc lesbians from lesbian spaces identity, paving the way for modern rdical femniism, we've only entered a downhill landslide of hating men and mascs and ultimately trying to erase us from the queer community entirely.
the queer community is not the "women & femmes community". the queer experience is broad and vast, it includes a wide variety of masculine and male experiences, as well as genderfluid, multigender, completely ungendered and other gendered experiences. the lesbian, trans, bisexual, nonbinary, gay and general queer communities aren't the "safe place to hide from men & mascs community" like estranged rdfems and terfpilled trans folk like to tell you they are.
this is the QUEER community and it includes ALL forms of queerness, masc, femme, butch, male, neutral, bigender, neutral, and all. he/shes and he/hims and he/theys and he/its and so on are just as much of a part of this communities as she/hers and they/thems. you can't cast a blanket of "inherently abusive" over all men and mascs and one of "inherently abused/incapable of being abusive" over all women and femmes because that just traps you in a fantasy land that doesn't exist AND it prevents mascs and men from getting the help, resources and community they NEED.
men & mascs are hurt and abused by women & femmes every day and we refuse to speak about them because we live under a white cisheteronormal patriarchy and have complaints about how that functions. the complaints are legitimate but assuming that all men and mascs are oppressing all women and femmes and that women can never be oppressive is a false as hell narrative that actively damages people.
enough is enough. this mindset is hurting people. it's leaving masc and male queers to be estranged, harmed and even dead. i care about you if you're being affected by this mentality and these behaviors. you deserve community, safety, and a sense of belonging, you do belong, even if we struggle to form our own spaces due to unjust hatred. we will do our best to band together and keep each other safe. we must
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asmosmainhoe · 5 months
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hi i saw that you mentioned you’d do Obey Me Characters react to you being jealous and was wondering if you did it, cause i couldn’t find it 😅. and if not.. well i guess this is a request haha thank you 🫶
The brothers reacting to a jealous MC
Notes: Omg it's been yeaaaaars since I talked about that jsnsjqh I totally forgot
Gender: neutral
Warnings: none
Masterlist
Lucifer
Saying that he doesn't enjoy the scene that unfolds before him would be a lie. You're standing there with your arms crossed and a frown on your face, too proud to admit your jealousy
He might even tease you little bit and have that awful cocky grin form on his pretty lips. That frustrates you more than anything
"Don't be a fool, my love. As much as I take joy in seeing you like this I don't want you to feel insecure."
"I'm not insecure though. I trust you."
"I know, but nevertheless I want you to remember that you have no competition. You could never have competition."
Maybe it's his reassuring voice or the adoration that is oh so obvious in his eyes that makes the silly voice in the back of your head shut up. You believe him when he says that no one compares
Mammon
So many mixed feelings. On one hand he likes the thought of having his favorite person fight for him, but on the others he really doesn't want you to beat yourself up over this
Mammon is a party animal and incredibly outgoing so those traits naturally come with some side effects which is in this case an overly confident admirer. The same admirer who is currently experiencing the terror of a lifetime thanks to the deadly looks you're giving them
As much as a jerk your beloved boyfriend can be this time he's keeping his teasing comments to himself. On the contrary even. He's sending clear signals towards the other demon by displaying so much affection towards you to the point where you have to practically shove him off you. It still leaves you giggling and grinning
"What in Diavolo's name are you doing?!"
"What does it look like? I'm givin' ya the Mammon deluxe package!"
Leviathan
Of course he knows the feeling too well. After all he's struggling with keeping it at bay at the slightest interaction you have with other people. It's not his intention to hurt you or cage you in simply because he can't control himself
So out of all the brothers Levi is the one to react the fastest. He's already pulling you aside for a more private setting and tightly wraps his arms around you
"Please don't think anything of it! You're my number one and you always will be!"
The hug might or might not have been a way to hide his intense blush as he's saying those words. We all know that it takes a lot out of him
He will avoid the other person like a plague from that point on even if you stop being jealous of them. Someone only has to mention their name and he's jumping to his feet as if he got stung by something
Satan
He doesn't care about how others feel about him so when you first mention that he has an admirer he doesn't pay it any attention. You don't know if it relieves or bothers you to be honest
While Satan couldn't care less about such things he still does care how you feel in this situation. If you're uncomfortable with the way the other person is treating him then he will address it to them immediately
But beware! He thinks the problem is solved with that and most likely doesn't quite notice that it still bugs you. You literally have to bring it up to him, but don't worry. Everything after that is easy
"Please don't get this the wrong way. I trust you with all my heart, but I don't know...I guess I need some extra reassurance to be able to get passed it."
"No, don't apologize, my dear. I'll give you anything you need to have the issue solved."
Asmodeus
Us Asmo stans know that he comes with a price. The price being a comically large amount of fans who would kiss the ground he walks on
Usually you're not the type to be bothered by that, because you knew exactly what you agreed to when dating him and Asmo has done everything in his power to never let you feel insecure in this relationship
Unfortunately there is still this one specific person who you can't seem to stand at all. The thought of them alone turns your stomach upside down and has your blood boiling
Please feel more than free to bring it up to Asmo though! He doesn't want you to feel that way.
Since the beginning he's been doing nothing, but fight the allegations that he's not a loyal partner and only cares for one thing and you've been making sure that he knows how much you trust him
"I can tell them to step on the breaks and if they don't listen then I'll just be a bit more assertive."
"What exactly do you mean with assertive?"
"Don't you worry your pretty head, honey."
The next day this person magically vanished from all social media and for some reason Asmo doesn't want to give you any details, but you do know that his fanclub has something to do with it
Beelzebub
Like Satan he couldn't care less what other people feel towards him. He has his family and his own close circle that's all he really needs, but he's an extremely attentive boyfriend. Your sudden mood changes whenever this particular demon is mentioned or around don't go unnoticed
"Did they do something to hurt you?"
Beel-fight-mode is activated and he's looking around for that person, ready to knock the breath out of their lungs
"No, no! It's a bit...silly."
You're feelings aren't silly! They're valid! Just tell him what's going on and he will get to it immediately
If you need some extra reassurance after that then he's more than happy to cover you in love and affection
Belphegor
Is it bothering you enough to put up with his teasing? Don't give me that look. We both know that he's going to provoke the shit out of you
"Wow, is someone jealous?"
"I will punch you."
Yes, he will make you suffer for several days, but when he notices that you're genuinely hurting from it he will stop
He doesn't mind being rude to others to get his point across or to get you what you want. So, no. He's not breaking their heart. He's shattering it into million tiny pieces and stomps on the remains
Later that day when you two are cuddling in bed he's telling you that you're the only one for him as he drifts off to sleep kissing you
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joshfutturman · 4 months
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"good boy" 18+
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oneshot (request) - inexperienced virgin failure josh futturman asks the reader over for some 'video games' (4.4k words) pairing - josh futturman (future man) + reader (no gendered pronouns, reader is afab) tags: utter filth lol, porn with tiny plot, dom/sub, dom!reader, sub!josh, LOTS of good boy mentions, oral both receiving, penetration, kissing, no use of y/n, missionary, slight dumbification ig, lots of wet mentions lmao, orgasm control, probs more i cant remember rn
.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.
the janitor from work was cute in a nerdy, adorable yet super naive way. in passing he'd attempt to flirt with you at your reception desk, attempt being the keyword here. but you'd flirt back, stronger and harder - which most of the time simply flew over his dense little head.
"i'd love to see it sometime," you say enthusiastically, referring to his video game collection he'd rambled about for 10 minutes straight. again.
his face lights up and a smile tugs on the corner of his lips, "yeah? really? you should totally come over - i've been dying to play this new one i picked up on co-op. - i mean," he falters, "if you want to. . ."
oh my god. was he asking you over? finally? josh futturman asked you over to play video games in his bedroom. alone. score.
.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.
notes: this was requested by @fatinhadesiners06 hehe, i hope you like it! tried to make josh as much of a virgin failure as i could but turns out that he's pretty good at eating pussy ig ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡) officially the first smut ive written and finished
.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.
the janitor from work was cute in a nerdy, adorable yet super naive way. in passing he'd attempt to flirt with you at your reception desk, attempt being the keyword here. but you'd flirt back, stronger and harder - which most of the time simply flew over his dense little head.
"i'd love to see it sometime," you say enthusiastically, referring to his video game collection he'd rambled about for 10 minutes straight. again.
his face lights up and a smile tugs on the corner of his lips, "yeah? really? you should totally come over - i've been dying to play this new one i picked up on co-op. - i mean," he falters, "if you want to. . ."
oh my god. was he asking you over? finally? josh futturman asked you over to play video games in his bedroom. alone. score.
. . .
however, that's exactly what you do. you play video games together. on his cramped single bed.
it's not like you don't enjoy it, it's actually pretty sweet. he allows you to choose your character first, he guides you through the levels he knows off by heart, and he even offers you his favourite controller.
but you can't help but note the uncomfortable silence that lingers every so often. you notice him glancing at you in between games. you wonder what he's thinking about, is he thinking about how his hand would feel inside your underwear? how his fingers would get slick and glide over your folds and slip beneath the surface and - ...
well, you certainly know what you're thinking of.
high scores flash on the screen at the end of the level, yours and his. yours is a few hundred points higher to josh' surprise. this earns a loud laugh from you and a laugh from him, tossing his controller down in defeat.
"beat you at your own game." you tut and turn to him with a smirk.
josh grins and looks down at his lap with a shrug, "what can i say? you're pretty good at this."
scooting a little closer, you tilt your head, trying to catch his gaze again. "do you think so? or. . . do you just like it when i come out on top?" a hum sings from your lips.
his eyes widen and he looks at you with an arched eyebrow, finally catching on to at least one of your dirty jokes, or at least partially. it was about time. "it was only a two-hundred point difference." he says, glancing at your lips with an unsure smirk, "i'll dominate next time, for sure."
"who are you kidding, futturman." you whisper, leaning in towards his lips. "i was always going to be the one to dominate you."
you're both inches apart. you can hear how his breath hitches in his throat slightly with each inhale. shaking, his hand raises in an attempt to cup your cheek. but you reach up to grab it, lacing your fingers in his as your lips connect.
immediately, futturman melts into you. you swear you hear a whimper escape his lips as your tongue glides along his bottom lip, seeking entrance. he allows you in, squeezing your hand. he's sloppy, but you don't mind, you like it, actually. it's hot that he's so lost in it that he can't even control his tongue.
his other hand grips the bedsheets, knuckles turning white. he's trying to ignore how his cock is already twitching in his boxers, wondering if you're already wet. josh sighs your name into your lips and you take this as a sign.
your hand finds his crotch as your kiss intensifies and you begin to palm his hardened dick through his jeans, grinning. his mind goes blank and all he can focus on is the fact that your hand is on him, it's actually on him. this isn't just in his head. you're touching him and - fuck, it feels so good.
"you like that baby?" you ask him, his kissing growing sloppier and slower as his breath picks up. you're hardly touching him and he's already squirming under you. hot.
josh hums in response and you find his hand, bringing it to your skirt, slowly sliding it under to meet your growing heat. his fingers feel wetness through the material of your underwear and he swallows hard. gingerly, his fingers dance across your panties.
a giggle slips from your lips as you pull back slightly, ". . . is this your first time?" you ask with a smile.
he's taken aback by this question, suddenly embarrassed as his cheeks begin to flush. "i . . ."
"it's okay, i'll take care of you," you reassure him, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips, "don't worry."
it's time for you to take the lead and you remove your hand from his crotch, this earns a soft whine from him that causes you to bite your lip. placing a hand on his chest, you push him back slowly until he's flat on his back. carefully, you straddle him, sitting just below his waist.
your fingers find the button on his jeans and unbutton it at an excruciatingly slow pace. josh looks up at you with pleading eyes, panting softly as his tummy rises and falls with each breath. "are you. . ."
"i want to taste you." you admit, licking your lips as you unzip him, pulling his jeans down to reveal his boxers.
"f. . . fuck. . ." he whimpers, leaning up on his elbows to watch you.
the outline of his cock is clearly visible through his blue boxers, he's so hard already, it's adorable. josh' heart pounds as he eyes you, his dick springs free and he gasps at the cold air around it. he holds himself back from begging you to touch it in some way. you'd be lying if you said you weren't a little surprised by the girth, it makes your mouth water.
your warm hand wraps around him and his eyes glaze over, head tilting back. he swears he could cum right there just from your touch and if he looks at you again, he just might.
"look at me, baby." you whisper, beginning to pump him slowly. "i wanna see your face while i touch you."
josh pulls his head up, brows furrowing as he tries to slow his breathing. the strokes are slow and deliberate, he moans under his breath. watching him slowly come undone underneath you, you can't help but feel the pulsing of your wet cunt intensify.
lowering your head, his eyes begin to widen and before he can figure out something hot to say, your lips are on his cock. tongue swirling on the tip, he swears he's seeing stars. his trembling hand desperately reaches up to find the back of your head, lacing his fingers through your locks.
"holy fuck, that. . . that feels so good." he mumbles with a gasp as you begin to take his length into your mouth. a high-pitched whimper escapes him as he bucks slightly. you keep your eyes on him the full time, taking in as much of him as you can until he hits the back of your throat.
picking up pace now, you start bobbing on him, lapping your tongue all the while. josh is curling his toes, gripping your hair and whispering your name into his bedroom like he's trying his best to tell a secret. he wonders how he got so lucky, the way he'd fantasised about this constantly and for it to actually be happening? it was his lucky day.
he'd imagined you both at the lab, in the back room, he's bent you over and you're dripping wet. he slides in with ease and you call his name a little too loudly. or, behind reception, he would crawl beneath your desk and you'd spread your legs and he'd dive in like a man starved. or sometimes, you were in this very bed, your juices coating his sheets.
you swirl your tongue on the tip once more, causing him to let out a loud, pleading moan before pulling away with an obscene pop. this allows him to catch his breath slightly, but man - he was so close. it takes everything within him not to beg you to put those pretty lips of your back around his aching cock.
glancing over your shoulder, your eyes find his gaming chair and you grin. you wonder how many times he's jerked off in that overused thing, thinking of you. pumping his cock, wishing it was coated with your wetness instead of some cheap lube. calling your name into the palm of his hand as ropes of hot cum land on his soft tummy.
it drives you crazy just thinking about it.
and you need him, more of him.
you shuffle off the bed and walk towards the chair before sitting in it, facing him on the bed. legs spreading, you relax them over his armrests, exposing your underwear beneath your skirt. josh watches on, mouth agape, blinking.
"c'mon baby, don't you wanna taste me too?" you ask and his eyes sparkle. you've never seen him move so fast - he scrambles from the bed, boxers and jeans around his ankles. kneeling like he's about to pray for you, (and maybe he should, with the sinful images plaguing both of your thoughts), he looks up at you with that same puppy dog look.
"please," you whisper, exhaling, "i need you, josh."
he bites his lip at those words and has to actively try and suppress a moan. hearing you plead like that. . . fuck, you were so hot.
slowly easing closer, josh hooks two fingers into your underwear and pushes it to the side. your cheeks flush as your wetness is exposed to him, but you can see by the look on his face that he's elated. 
"your pussy is so fucking pretty. . ." he exhales, gradually getting closer before his tongue begins desperately lapping at your dripping cunt. a squeal escapes you as you arch your back, finally getting the relief you need. his licking is messy, it's wet, he's drooling and mixing his saliva with your juices but it's so filthy it's hot.
your gaze finds his and watch as his nose glides up your folds. his name falls from your lips repeatedly as you reach for his head, getting a firm grip on those messy curls. you guide him higher with your grasp and his tongue finds your clit finally. it's so sensitive, you'd been edging for days leading up to this.
"s. . . slow." you purr, "i'm. . . i'm gonna- fuck, i'm gonna cum if you keep going so fast."
he abides, slowing his tongue on that spot you enjoy so much. his hand presses into your thigh, pushing your leg out further to get in closer. wetness drips down his chin as he laps long licks, stopping briefly and hesitantly only to begin sucking your clit gently. he looks up at you for your approval.
a gasp and your head is thrown back, fingers in his hair tightening. there's pleasure building in your core, little sparks working inside your belly as josh obediently eats you out.
"good boy," you manage to say through breathy moans, "good boy. . . you're doing so good for- for your first time. . ."
and it was true - though he was sloppy, clumsy and got a little lost in the moment, that only served to turn you on more. his inexperienced moves were endearing, they were hot, and it felt kinda good that you were the one to finally experience this with him.
small moans sing from his mouth at the pet name 'good boy' - and you make a mental note to call him that more often. this urges him on. he moves his hand to your pussy, massaging with two fingers around your tight hole, fluttering at the sudden contact. it takes him a few circles to find it properly before sliding one inside.
the chair almost tips back as you feel him slide in, his tongue back to flicking over that sensitive spot while his digit pumps into you. your hand grips the back of the fake leather chair, digging your nails in. it's not long before he inserts a second one, and though his rhythm is off with his poor coordination, it's such a relief to be filled, even if only a little.
hand combing through his hair, you look down at him, encouraging him with every moan. wet sounds fill the small bedroom now, between his tongue on your clit and his fingers exploring your slick hole. his dick is aching to be touched, desperate for any sort of friction as it spasms occasionally under the chair - but he'd stay here forever, eating you like this, if it meant he could hear those sounds sing from your lips.
"you sound so fucking hot. . ." he mumbles, the low vibrations of his voice against your pussy, sucking harder to increase your pitch and it works. you're almost there and you'll cum all over his sweet little face soon if you're not careful. who knew that josh futturman could be so good at eating pussy?
"-n. . . need you to fuck me," you blurt out, completely breathless. josh pulls back a little to look up at you fully with wide eyes, excitement piquing. the dim light from the television dances across him and you notice the lower half of his face is completely coated in your juices.
you continue, "you need to fuck me too, i bet. you're aching, aren't you? i bet you've been thinking about this for years." - and he had, fuck, he had. he'd lost count of the number of times he'd imagined you both here, a writhing, moaning, wet mess against each other.
"please, please let me fuck you." josh begged, fitting that he was on his knees. he looked good down there, you thought, pleading with his hands grasped together and that pathetic, lovable, pussy drunk expression of his as your wetness drips from his chin.
staying there for a few moments to admire him in this position, and to hear him beg just a little longer - you finally stand and step over him deliberately to watch him underneath you for just a little longer. wriggling out of your soaked panties, you throw them towards him and collapse back onto the single bed whilst removing your skirt. surprisingly, he catches your underwear and relishes how wet they feel in his palm.
you spread your legs once more for him and he watches in awe like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. wiping his chin a little, he scampers to you like a lost puppy, crawling up onto the bed and kicking his jeans and boxers off in the process.
he slots between your thighs and you see how his jaw goes slack when his dick brushes against your dripping cunt. you grab his chin, still a little wet, and pull him in for a deep kiss. when his tongue enters your mouth, you can taste yourself and it makes you smile. letting go of his chin, your hands roam to his hoodie, yanking it off and tossing it to the side. the only barrier between you both now was your damn shirts.
pushing him back, you begin to slowly pull your shirt up revealing your bra. josh bites his lower lip, swallowing hard as his eyes roam across your chest. his hands inch closer and you slap them away. "your shirt first." you tease.
he holds back a whine and removes his shirt, throwing it far across the room in frustration. "now, can i?" he hums, glancing at your chest and then back to you.
you wait a few moments, then a few more. and then nod.
your shirt isn't even fully off when his hands are desperately roaming your chest, squeezing both breasts as you gasp. his eyes glaze over as he continues to squeeze and you feel his dick twitch once more against your pussy. you begin to grind against him, his saliva and your wetness mixing against his cock.
holding back some moans, josh slips his hands behind your back to unhook your bra. it takes him a little longer than he'd have liked, and you arch your back a little to help him - but he finally removes it to reveal your chest.
between your perfect fucking body below him and the way you were slowly working his desperate cock along your pussy lips - he was in heaven. immediately he's sucking on a nipple, flicking his tongue over it with soft, breathy moans. you moan in return and cup the back of his head, petting him softly - "good boy," you whisper, "good, good boy. . ."
fuck, he loved it when you called him that. it lit a fire in his belly like he'd chase you to the ends of the earth just to hear you call him a good boy one more time.
he moves to your other nipple now, giving them both equal attention and you squirm a little, gripping his hair. the cold air drifts across your erect, soaked nipple he'd left behind but the coldness is quickly replaced by his fingers, rubbing.
"your tits are fuckin' perfect-" he mumbles with his nipple still in your mouth, pulling himself away finally as he begins to move in rhythm with you.
"josh." you say, commanding his attention with a sultry tone.
he snaps out of his dizzy state and looks at you.
"fuck me," you demand, reaching down to push his cock harder against your drenched cunt, "i need you inside of me. can you do that? can you be my good boy and fuck me?"
jesus fucking christ. josh wasn't sure he'd ever been this hard in his life.
josh nods with a whimper, it's so cute. he's so desperate. just as he begins to move into position, you reach up to grab his chin.
"use your words." you instruct him.
those hazel eyes widen, taking a breath to compose himself before nodding, "i'll fuck you. i'll be your good boy and fuck you." his voice wavers. he wants to be so good for you. he wants to be your good boy so badly, "please? please." josh pleads whinily.
"good boy." you grin and let go of his chin, trailing your hands down his chest and his soft tummy, taking great pleasure in grazing your fingers past his fuzzy snail trail.
lining himself up with your entrance, he makes a few sweeps with his cock, lubing it up and enjoying the feeling of your hole sucking his length in. his eyes glance to you for permission one final time and this makes your stomach flip, he's too fucking cute.
you signal, giving him permission with a nod and he slowly pushes inside of you.
he's slow, purposefully, so that one thrust doesn't cause him to immediately explode inside of you - cause the way you'd worked him up, it wouldn't be long before his cum was stuffed deep in there. your walls wrap around him so perfectly, his words get caught in his throat and all he can do is whine. but it feels so fucking good to finally have him inside of you. his thick fingers pumping into you were fine, sure, but his cock is what you craved all along.
your stomach tenses as he fills you completely, eyes locked on his to see him fully experience this for the first time.
"does that feel good, baby?" you ask him, trailing your hand across his lower stomach.
"s. . .so fuckin' tight- ah-" still, he can hardly speak, bottomed out inside of you with his cock pulsing, "so wet, so so fucking wet."
"just for you." you coo, beginning to roll your hips slightly to help him along. this earns a loud gasp from him, positioning his hands on your hips to get a proper grip on you. slowly, you both find a rhythm and he's thrusting inside of you at a slow pace.
each thrust has you moaning as you roll your hips to meet him, his strong grip on your hips only intensifying the feeling as he gets lost in the sensation. already, you can tell he's close - having almost finished him off earlier definitely adding to his desperation.
"faster," you tell him, gripping his stupid blue patterned sheets and holding one of his wrists in your other hand.
a whimper - no two - no three, falls from his lips as he picks up pace. josh is slamming into you now, his hands glide up the side of your body to meet your tits again and he leans over, unable to keep himself upright through the thrusts. his lips find yours once more, half to muffle his moans and half to ground himself a little.
over and over, his cock pumps into you speedily, creating loud, wet, slapping noises. you wrap your legs around him to pull him in deeper, closer and arch your back.
"-g...gonna. . . i'm. . ." his words are muffled by your lips and you pull back slightly, your breath mingling together as his eyes struggle to stay open through the pleasure.
"you gonna cum?" you ask with a grin, pulling his chin up for him to look at you.
"ah - yeah. . ." he swallows, and you squeeze around his dick causing him to whine loudly.
the thought of him exploding inside you had you close too. that girthy length was slamming you, over and over, slick from what he had done to you. josh was totally lost in the pleasure, sweat coating his brow as his hips worked hard to chase your climax and his own.
"can i?" josh suddenly asks, gasping for breath.
you deliberately don't answer, but moan louder and squeeze your cunt around him - you feel his rhythm waver in response.
"fuck - baby, please," he cries, locking eyes with you as his brow furrows, "please, i need to cum, please let me cum."
the words falling from his lips were so fucking hot, he was begging you for release. all he wanted to do was unload inside of you and he was pleading and wet and adorable. how could you possibly say no to that face?
"have you been a good boy?" you ask.
"yes!" he almost screams, "yes! i've been such a good boy, please, please. i need it, i need to cum in your tight, fuckin' perfect - ah, ah. . . - pussy, please." the words trip over themselves and he's really sweating now. the way he's pistoning into you, you can feel the desperation in every thrust of his hard cock.
"then cum, my good boy." you finally say, pushing him into you with your legs around his back for a hard deep thrust - and he keeps this up.
his whines heighten in pitch, going higher and higher as he gets a little rough. with each thrust, you're thrown back a little on the bed and it earns large explosive moans from you each time. his hands are back on your hips and he digs his fingers in, leaving harsh red marks.
you don't care though, watching him lose control is the hottest fucking thing you've ever seen. a desperate, whining, whimpering, cumming mess.
josh tries to announce it, let you know he's really about to cum, but all that comes out are breathy moans as his rhythm falters and his eyes start to roll back. you can feel it too, the way his cock is twitching and pulsing harder inside you. it brings your own climax closer, the inevitability of your pussy walls being painted white with all of his cum. . .
and though you try to hold off, you cum. lights flash behind your eyes as you reach out for him, pulling him by the back of the neck down to you. pressing your forehead to his, your hole flutters around him, squeezing and clamping down as your orgasm milks him - causing him to cum. ropes of hot, white cum fill you over and over, his mouth stuck half open.
you continue to grind through the orgasm, albeit with a faltering rhythm due to your climax, as he's mostly still beside the way his dick is jerking as it empties inside of you. his cum begins to leak out of you slowly with each grind you make against him and it causes you to gasp at the sensation. your moans fill his mouth, looking into his eyes as he struggles to make eye contact through the blinding pleasure. praises sing from your lips for him, coaxing him through it as you feel his movements slow to a halt.
he pulls out reluctantly and slumps against you with heaving breaths, his head falling on your chest with his cheek flush against your skin. his body is hot, and sticky. you begin to pet his head gently, your other hand tracing your fingers across his arm around you.
"that. . ." he pipes up, "- was amazing," josh tilts his head to look up at you with a dumb smile on his face.
"yeah?" you answer, smirking, "it was pretty fucking amazing, wasn't it?"
and you admire him like this, the way he's looking up at you with that familiar smile, practically with hearts in his eyes as your fingers pet through his hair. his eyes are sleepy, half-lidded - and the rest is deserved too, after what a good, hard-working boy he's been.
"you were so good for me." you lean down to kiss his forehead, peppering soft kisses all across it.
he giggles and snuggles against you closer, "stop - you'll get me goin' again." if his cheeks weren't already flushed from exertion, they'd be red once more.
"right, i'll save the praise for next time - since i know you love it so much." a grin tugs on your lips.
and he likes the sound of that.
his head suddenly springs up, his smile growing wider with his mouth half open, joy filling his face. ". . .next time?"
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teojira · 10 days
Text
[Light] [Noa x GN!reader oneshot]
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Summary: Noa wakes you up at an ungodly hour to go into the overgrown city.
Words: 2.5K+
Warnings: Mutual pinning (neither of you know yet), romance, Reader is insecure, self indulgence at its fucking finest. Gender neutral but Noa thinks you're pretty :)
A/N: I'm so in love with him it actually hurts LMAOO, literally a ache in my chest. I was listening to Light by sleeping at last while writing this <3 hence the title, I hope I got the energy right!
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You weren't quite sure what Noa was planning, he had woken you up early, maybe an hour or two before sunrise.
Groaning and rolling away from his poking, he moves to trail a hand down to your side, jabbing his fingers there.
Your eyes fly open with a yelp, staring daggers into his head. You turn to him, and he has a small smirk on his face, laughing silently about the pout of your face.
He's already dressed in his normal attire, his feathered adorned to his person, a sling wrapped around his shoulder as well.
Noa watches your face take him in, and he hopes to anyone who's out there, to Caesar you can't tell how flushed he gets under your gaze. It's bad enough that everyone in the clan side eyes him because they know of his feelings for you. He hasn't worked up the nerve to tell you himself. He doesn't know what to do. He's both simultaneously enamored with you and your differences, but in the same vein, you're so different.
Sometimes, a part of him wishes he hadn't fallen for you. It'd be easier. It's easier to just be your friend and your protector, but falling for you was as easy as breathing.
You move to stretch out our limbs, groaning as you twist and turn, eyes still half lidded. The noise gaining his attention, his previous thoughts disappearing.
You're pretty like this, he thinks. You always do though, no matter what you're doing.
"What the fu-
Noa shoves a finger against your lips, gesturing for you to be quiet.
'I need you to come with me, important.' he signs, moving to grab at your hand, pulling you up. He forgets his strength a lot and yanks you into his chest. Your head knocks into him, and you yelp. In his defense, he didn't mean to!
"Sorry." He sniffs, using a large hand to rub at your forehead to soothe the ache there.
"This better be worth waking me up."
"It will be, come on."
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Noa leads you down to the horses, a hand on the small of your back, pushing you to go faster.
"Noa, what is the rush? Is everything okay?" You dig your heels into the soft earth beneath you, looking at him with concern.
He's been unusually impatient.
It's early as hell in the morning, no one else is awake. Not even Dar is up and about and that woman is constantly moving.
"Everything is fine, you worry too much."
"I worry a normal amount, thank you very much." You stick your tongue out at him, moving a hand to rub at your eyes, to get rid of the crust lingering.
You both arrive at the hut where the horses are kept, you linger back as Noa goes inside to grab his. He's fast and efficient, checking the satchel strapped to the animal to make sure he has everything he needs for this impromptu trip he's taking you both on.
It's cute the way he gets in the zone, his eyes trained on his task.
Yawning, you're not processing Noa's words until he's right in front of you in the saddle. That was fast.
"Come, come. Do you want to ride with me or ride alone?" Noa always ask, and he knows the answer by now.
You always ride with him, just like you always go with him anywhere.
It's a running joke in the clan that you're Noa's shadow, always at his heels, asking if he needs anything or if there's something you can do in general.
You've come a long way since then, finding your place in the clan. Not needing to follow Noa like a lost puppy, but as it turns out, you can't shake the habit of being around Noa when you can. Without thinking, you find your way towards him.
A part of you is still insecure about your place among them, knowing just how different you are. Noa is your only true companion, you think. Dar is loving, but you're worried she doesn't like you, same with Anaya and Soona. No matter how much they say they love you, years of differences have made you insecure.
So you cling to Noa like a lifeline, despite knowing you shouldn't, surely he doesn't want to be around you all the time. It's not fair to him.
But Noa never let it show that he finds your differences bothersome, you couldn't lift what the others could? No worries, he'd adjust it for you, making you a pulley to help or helping you himself when he had the time.
Or if you didn't know how to fish or hunt, he'd take you and Soona, and Anaya would come with all three encouraging you and helping you learn. He'd ask his mother to teach you how to make garments and how to farm the earth. He always looked out for you, even if he wasn't around.
They never made you feel like a burden, Noa never made you feel like a burden.
How were you not supposed to love him? In every universe, you're sure you were to be in love with him in every single one.
"Help me up?" You ask sheepishly, lifting your arms up so he can grab onto you.
"Of course."
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It's been about an hour or two, give or take on the ride to the overgrown city. Not that you'd know. With the warmth of Noa against your back and the steady movement of the horse, you've fallen asleep again.
Noa snorted when he realized, your body slumped into his, your hand loosely holding the saddles horn in a feeble attempt to not fall off.
He has to wrap an arm around your waist to make sure you didn't fall off or that what he tells himself.
Noa would never admit it, but he cherishes how easily you trust him, how comfortable you are with him, it makes him feel important, makes him feel loved. He'll give you shit for it, but nothing makes him happier.
You're only asleep for the last hour of the ride, breathing softly as Noa leads you both past the overgrown city, the hooves of the horse being the only noise being made.
"Here, wake up." He slows down the horse, pulling to a stop in front of a looming building, covered in greenery. He has not so great memories of it. Almost falling to his death would do that to you. But he won't take you that high. He'd never put you in danger.
His arm slips from your waist, moving to rub up and down your side as he tries and wakes you up for the second time today.
You let out a grumble. He feels it in his chest, and it makes him chuff, but open your eyes, blinking rapidly to get the sleep out of them.
Once he's positive, you won't fall without him propping you up. He demounts with an ease, his feet hitting the ground in a soft thump as he turns around to face you, holding his hands up so you can use him to get down yourself.
You move to grab his hands with your own, ignoring the spark that runs down your spine at the contact.
There are so many differences between you and Noa, too many to even begin to count, but the way his hands are similar to yours, the way he immediately holds you so gently, makes them seem insignificant. Is this what love is? It's weird.
Noa sets you down on the ground, smiling softly at you, then moving to wrap the reins around a piece of metal protuding out of the ground to ensure the horse doesn't go anywhere. Something he didn't use to do, but after the events of the last time he came into the city, he's not going to have that mistake happen again.
"We'll start climbing here." You crane your neck and balk at just how tall the structure is, it's a good couple of stories up, he's insane.
"Uh, Noa, I don't think you remember, but I can't really climb that high."
"I carry you, like I always do." He says it nonchalantly, shrugging with a shoulder.
"Noa, I'm heavy, no." It's always embarrassing when he carries you. It makes you blush, and you're terrified he can hear your heartbeat.
The look he shoots you is devastating.
"You always say that, you are not." He argues, looking offended on your behalf.
There's no point arguing with him about this.
You sigh and gesture for him to turn around so you can climb onto his back.
He does just that, crouching towards the ground.
You're always afraid of choking him out when you get on his back, so you take extra care to gently wrap your around around his neck, sliding your legs around his waist.
"Are you ready? It'll be a bit of a climb."
You let out a 'mhm.' Your brain too occupied with taking in his warmth and his scent, mind all fuzzy at holding him.
"Hold on tight." He squeezes your thigh.
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The climb is uneventful, mostly you filling in the silence with what you've done in thr last few days, Noa nodding and offering a hum here and there.
He finally stops, jostling you a bit to look at what he's come to show you.
A smile creeps along your face. It's Eagle eggs, four to be exact.
Despite the Eagle clan hand raising plenty of the birds, they don't do well breeding with their intervention, so to see a clutch is rare.
"Pick the egg that speaks to you the most."
You stare at the nest of eggs, taking in each one's complexion. It's hard, you have no idea why you have to choose. You figure Noa just wants your input, so you take it seriously.
Within a minute, you decide to point to the biggest egg in the center. The eggshell is freckled, and it stands out the most among its siblings.
"I like that one." You say softly in Noas ear. He nods and scoops it up, taking care to put it in the sling.
"Was that it? Can we go home now?" You rest your head on his own, holding back from nuzzling into his soft fur.
"Yes, this is all I needed today."
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After making a slow descent down the crumbling tower, Noa helps you get back onto the horse, throwing himself behind you. He moves the egg sling to be on his back, in order for you to be comfortable. (He wants you to lay against him so bad again)
The way home is filled with a comfortable silence, only breaking when you see fit.
It's always nice to spend time with Noa, but this particularly feels different, like something is innately changed in your relationship. You're probably imagining things though.
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Noa stops shortly before the village, it not being more than an acre away.
Noa swings a leg off the saddle, falling down and reaching for your waist to lift you down as well.
He breaths out your name, continuing after a moment. "Before we go, I need to give you something. Close your eyes."
You lift an eyebrow at him, but do as you're told. It's Noa, you trust him with everything in you, so your eyes slide closed.
Noa ruffles with something, cursing quietly under his breath. It makes you giggle, you had been teaching him some human vocabulary, alot of curse words included.
You're a bit startled when you feel him brush your hair away from your face, his thumb gently brushing against your skin. The blush that threatens to overtake your face is insane, and you hope he thinks it's just because the sun is beaming down on the both of you.
You feel something be placed over your head, sliding down and stopping at your chest.
Noa takes a second to readjust it, making sure it's snug and resting comfortably on you.
"Open now."
Peeling your eyes open, you're greeted with a blinding smile by him, and your mouth goes dry for a second at it. Yes, he has always been handsome, but the way he's looking at you now, the way his eyes are shining with happiness, it's a lot to take in. He's so handsome and he doesn't even know it.
Noa doesn't notice your internal dilemma over him, nodding his head towards your chest, still beaming with pride.
You snap yourself out of your Noa fueled daze, eyes going down to your chest.
It's the egg you chose.
Confusion fills your brain for a second.
"This is your egg, why am I carrying it?"
Noa told you all about how his egg was crushed the first time he got it, and how a downward spiral that moment had lead to.
Even though he had Eagle son now, you had figured he still wanted his own, to say he had done it for his late father.
"No, this is your egg."
"What?"
"Your egg, your Eagle to raise."
"Noa-"
"Noa, nothing. You are part of us. You get an eagle."
"Noa, I'm not. This is special to your clan. Someone else should have my egg." You try and carefully slip the sling from your neck, but Noa beats you, his hands inclosing around your own to stop you.
"You are apart of the clan." He murmurs, pushing your hands down until they're at your side. His hands then come back to your face, holding your cheeks gently.
"You're not an outsider."
The lump in your throat is suffocating, your eyes well past the point of welling up. Salty tears having no consideration for how embarrassing it is for you to cry over this.
Noa hums, this thumbs coming up to brush them away, still smiling, his eyes willed with warmth and his smile just the more softer.
He pulls you in then, resting his forehead on yours, a hand against the back of your head.
You let out a shuddering breath, smiling so hard it starts to hurt.
"You're apart of me."
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"Noa! My Eagle hatched!" You're sprinting to him, he just got home from exploration with Anaya. You've missed him, even more than usual.
You move to grab his hand, trying with all your might to pull him off to drag him to the Eagle area.
Anaya shoots a look to Noa, a smug smirk on his face.
"Noa you go, your mate needs you." He teases, dismounting his horse, grabbing Noas reins from him.
Noa sputters, quickly signing that no, you two are not mates, at least not yet. He hasn't even asked if you liked him yet! He's told Anaya this on the trip, many times, after many rounds of teasing.
You don't understand their signing that well yet, so you tug at Noas hand again, intertwining your fingers.
"Noaaa, come on!" You whine.
Noa is sure he'd do just about anything you asked of him, and then some. So he gets off the mount and runs with you.
Anaya snorts, shaking his head good-naturedly.
"Not mates, as if."
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spiceofvy · 3 months
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hello friend!
i just read your skz posts for nearly an hour straight — you’re a very talented writer! i love your characterizations of them and the scenarios you come up with for requests are all unique, i love that!
if you’re up for it, would you consider writing a soft/fluffy skz with reader who craves some attention but for some reason won’t just verbally ask for it? (maybe had a long and hard day, or is a little too shy to ask for affection straight up, or is sleepy, etc.)? especially seungmin — i see a lot of rough or aggressive seungmin but lately i just so crave a sweet and fluffy seungmin.
no worries if you’re not interested — i still really enjoy all your writing! 🌸🌼
SKZ - Reader is too shy to ask for affection
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a/n: aww thank you for your super sweet words! the ask is also super adorable! while writing i also realized that i was also in need for some seungmin fluff, so i made sure to write his part extra long! i hope you enjoy!
cws: gender neutral reader, sfw, fluff
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Chan: He just constantly misses you. Even when he just saw you, or made the choice to leave himself. So he is really aware of how you feel when you are around each other. And with that discovered that your habit of visiting him in the studio was not only to spend time with you but also you subtly showing him that you need some attention from him. So he just opens his arms for you and pulls you onto his lap. No words needed.
Minho: When he realizes your need for some attention he is initially unsure what to do. Do you just need a hug, or maybe some cuddles? Would a few kisses make it better or is the solution a home cooked four course meal? In the end he makes the smartest decision possible and just hugs you really tightly, softly asking what you want to do. Being all ears for what you need and then doing exactly that.
Changbin: A very cuddly person himself, so when he cuddles you it's always one of his own needs too. Especially after a long day he just wants to feel you close. Prefers the bed over the couch so if one of you falls asleep while cuddling you don't have to get up again. On the very few days he does not initiate a cuddling session himself, he does take the hints for your needs for attention very well. A pull at his hand, a look towards the bedroom and a moment later you are cuddled up against him.
Hyunjin: I stay true to my "Hyunjin can read your body language like a book" agenda. Because this is also very true in this scenario. You don't need to tell him that you are in need of his affection because he can tell just from your eyes. And he doesn't care how busy he is in theory because he always has time for you. Even better if he can share it with his other passion, art. He loves to have you on his lap as he paints, sometimes using his clean hand to caress your back.
Han: I imagine this situation to be really rare when dating Han as he is at least just as needy as you are. Most of the time he just takes the affection he needs, throwing himself on you when you are lying on the couch, cuddling you tightly. So when he can't do that it's probably because he has to rehearse a lot for a comeback or while he is on tour. But as soon as you just sit next to him and stare him down he gets the message and throws himself at you in his usual manner.
Felix: Feels your need for his attention under his skin. He is a giver when it comes to any kind of affection. So whenever he just gets the feeling that you could need some love he gives it to you en masse. He pulls you onto the couch and curls up next to you, nuzzling your neck and holding you so tight all your worries are gone. Holding your hands even after he lets you go and smiles at you until you fall asleep.
Seungmin: The thing with Seungmin is that he himself is quite shy about physical touch and unsure about how much you want from him. So he just sits next to you, extending his arm out, softly caressing your cheek with his fingertips, and when you lean into his touch he opens his arms for you, pulling you into a warm hug. Laying you on top of him, cuddling with you on the couch. After some time he starts softly talking to you about his day, and in return listens to you talk about your own, softly massaging your scalp. Letting you stay there after you fall asleep, even when he is tired himself, and his legs feel numb. Because your comfort means just so much more to him than his own.
Jeongin: Also tends to be on the shy side when it comes to physical affection. But he easily picks up on the little things, your eyes lingering on his hands, maybe you pulling over one of his sweatshirts to feel closer to him. So he just straight up asks if you want to spend some time cuddling on the couch. You don't need to say much, a quick nod is enough for him to pull you close and spend the whole night watching movies with you.
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bsxcrxts · 6 months
Text
Praise + Size kink with Spencer Reid
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Content warnings: 18+ only! absolutely no minors!! Put your age in your bio to interact with my work. PLEASE NOTE the size kink in question here is atypical in that Spencer has a small dick and reader is seriously into it! Reader praises Spencer a lot, brief discussion of previous rejection, handjobs, "darling" as a pet name directed at Spencer, no gendered language towards reader
A/N: this is a little over 1k! Sorry if it's not everyone's cup of tea I just feel this is true of Spencer in my heart <3
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“Listen, u-um. Before we do this I just— I just want to say that if– if– I mean, we don't have to rush into anything," Spencer stuttered, his hand coming to cover your own that rested precariously on his thigh, stopping you from reaching any higher.
"Oh," you pause, pulling back from the kiss the two of you had been sharing, believing you'd misread his signals, "oh, right, of course! Um, do you... not want to?"
Spencer deflects every time the two of you even remotely approach something sexual, and you've been together for months. It's not a problem, you just wish he'd trust you enough to tell you why; his eyes never fully meet yours when you talk about it.
He hasn't answered you.
"It's okay if you're not ready–"
"That's not exactly the issue," he cuts you off.
You're afraid to say the wrong thing and scare him off now that you're finally getting somewhere, so you settle for a considerate okay and just look back at him patiently.
"Previous partners have expressed displeasure with aspects of my body," Spencer rushes out, like it's going to burn him as he says it.
You're struck silent for a half of a second, searching for words.
"That's– Spencer, I don't know who told you that, but I'm sorry they did. That's an awful thing to tell somebody. And you're a very attractive guy," you say as you squeeze his hand reassuringly. Incapable of not cracking a joke to try and lighten the mood, you continue, "I'm not just saying that because I'm dating you, either."
Spencer looks unconvinced. "I don't know," he continues, "The statistics don't lie."
At this point, you're honestly baffled. "What statistics?"
"Approximately forty percent of women think– think size matters," Spencer spits out quickly.
Oh.
Well, you're really, really into Spencer. Right this moment, without ever even seeing his cock, you think it doesn't matter at all.
You shift closer to him on the sofa.
"Spencer, do you want to take things further?"
He looks confused, like he can't understand the question, so you elaborate.
"I like you, and I want you... if you want me too."
He nods, silently. Time slows. You'd been holding your breath.
"Words, Spencer, please," you're so close to him your lips nearly brush.
"Yes," he replies, hushed, "yes, please."
"Good," you affirm against his mouth and you kiss him again. He doesn't stop you this time when your hand brushes along the inside of his thigh and up to the seam of his pants, blindly feeling. His bulge is smaller, it's true, but you can still feel him in your hand, his hardness firm against your palm. It's driving you crazy, Spencer's shyness, his body, his inexperience as he tentatively pulls your hips closer, everything about him.
"I wanna see you," you practically whine, feeling near frantic.
Spencer fumbles with his pants for a moment before shoving his underwear off too, leaning back and nervously fiddling with his hands.
You feel like someone has literally stolen the breath out of your lungs. He's cute. It's the best word for his cock, probably no bigger than four and a half inches, straight and flushed deeply at the head, a bead of pre-cum already forming along his tip. You subconsciously bite your lip, taking in the view of Spencer lying halfway back on your couch, hard and leaking for you.
"God, Spencer, you're– you're so cute," you stutter.
Spencer's face flushes red and he sputters a bit and looks away, but he's obviously turned on. His little cock kicks in your hand, and you have to say it again.
"Your cock is so cute," you tell him, and he gives you a little mphh sound, shifting where he sits. You haven't even touched him and you can tell he's worked up. "You like when I say things like that?"
Spencer nods, quietly affirming your question, wide-eyed.
"Like hearing about how much I like your cock, hmm? Your body looks like art darling, like those old statues," you keep praising him.
Spencer has something to say about this.
"Actually, Greek sculptures usually depict men with smaller– unh!" he moans, interrupted suddenly by your hand on his cock, stroking him slowly. "U-uh, um," he starts over, "In Ancient Greece, a smaller phallus was an i-indication of intelligence and reason," he manages to continue.
How fitting.
"Oh, I see," you practically purr against him, jumping at the chance to compliment him further, "They'd be very impressed with you, darling. So smart and perfectly endowed to show it."
His cock twitches, his eyes practically rolling back in his head.
"You're the smartest man I know," you say, not exaggerating. Spencer's basically a panting mess beside you. "And your cock is the prettiest I've ever seen. Anyone would be stupid to turn you down, you're adorable," you keep talking, hand on his cock moving more rapidly now as Spencer quickly loses composure.
"D-don't stop," he begs, and the sound of his small cock wetly slipping in and out of your fist is lewd, debauched.
"I won't stop. Don't worry, Doctor Reid," you hum sweetly, and Spencer's hips thrust brazenly against your hand at the mention of his title. You feel yourself making a mess of your own underwear but are too enamored with him to even think about touching yourself, "are you going to cum? Will you let me see your gorgeous little cock make a mess f' me?"
"Y-yes, 'm, I'm c-close," he moans.
"So smart and good and pretty for me," you praise. Leaning in, you whisper against his ear, "Next time, I want you in my mouth."
It's all he needs. Spencer's gone, his hips wildly bucking and his cock spurting a surprising amount of cum onto your hand and his lower stomach, his mouth open in a gasp.
When he's recovered, he kisses you once heatedly before he gives you a tiny peck on the cheek, almost shy.
"Did you mean it?" he mumbles, hesitant.
"Darling, yes, of course," you answer. "Spencer, you're beautiful. All of you. I really like you."
He smiles sheepishly. "I really like you too," he says, "and now, if I'm not mistaken, I owe you an orgasm."
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A/N: I based this whole thing around the fact that small dicks in Ancient Greece represented intelligence tbh. Hope you enjoyed!
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back2bluesidex · 1 year
Text
Lightning - PJM (18+)
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Pairing: Heartthrob!Jimin X Fem!Reader
Word count: 1465
Summary: You don't understand why you find Park Jimin everywhere you go. Also, why his eyes stay only on you.
Theme: Smut, PWP
Warnings: Public sex (foreplay), fingering, panty keeping (idk what I am writing here), mentions of drinking, very vaguely discussed context, party/club settings, Jimin is a bit mysterious. MDNI!!
Part 2: Like Crazy
**************
"Lightning strikes everytime she moves..
Everybody's watching her,
But she's looking at you."
Yes, exactly. Lightning strikes everytime Jimin moves. He is the life of the party. When he moves everyone only stares. Sometimes you feel Jimin isn't even real. Does he even dance or does he just float on thin air?
When it comes to Jimin, age, gender, status nothing matters. Everyone is a fan, everyone is in love, everyone waits to be picked by him. Be it for a night or for a dance, everyone is ready to surrender themselves to Park Jimin.
Now as he dances or more likely grinds on his girl for the night, you stare at him from the corner of your eyes, sipping on your drink. Every pair of eyes are on Jimin but Jimin's eyes can't seem to leave you. Everybody is watching him but he's looking at you, only you.
"So, my place or yours?" The guy sitting beside you asks. He has been flirting for a good ten minutes now. Even though you have hardly been hearing anything he says you know he just can't ask whether it will be your place or his. You're not going to sleep with him.
You roll your eyes, "keep on dreaming" you say as you hop off the bar stool to head towards the exit. The guy blocks your way.
"Hey, c'mon. We can have a good night." He pursues.
"Sorry but I am not interested." You reply, you are already starting to get irritated.
"Oh really? So who are you interested in? Park Jimin? You think you have a chance with Park Jimin?" He chuckles rudely. Your eyes go wide. Who this little dick thinks of himself! How the fuck he gets to insult you like this? You are about to curse at him very badly but…
"That's for us to decide. Not you, Mr. Whoever you are." Says the man in question, Park Jimin. You didn't even register when he left the dance floor and came to you. You stare at him with blown out pupils as he brushes past you and stands between you and the guy.
"Leave" Jimin commands the guy and he leaves after glaring at you for a bit. You turn your heels to leave as well. But it's too late. Jimin is already holding you by your elbow.
"Mind having a dance with me?" Jimin says as his stare pierce directly through your soul.
"I- I can't dance." You fumble upon your words. It's the first time you two are exchanging words and it makes you more than nervous. You can't even think of dancing with him.
"I'll lead you, Y/N" he says before pulling you towards the dance floor.
Your eyes go wide again, how does he know your name?
"Wait, you know my name?" You shout over the music as you reach the dance floor.
Jimin wastes no time. He places both of his hands on either side of your waist and pulls you closer to him. Your body presses onto his, your tits onto his firm chest, his crotch onto your stomach. You can feel his bulge. Your breath hitches.
You have always admired him from afar. You have always known your place. You have always admitted that Park Jimin is a dream, a dream that can't take the shape of reality. You knew it all so you stayed away. You never threw yourself at him unlike others.
You two don't even attend the same classes nor do you share the same group of friends. There's a sky-to-earth difference that persists between you two. But somehow you find Jimin everywhere you go. Be it a party or a seminar or a random university get-together. You find Jimin everywhere. And his eyes seem to find you just like everyone's find him. You thought it's a mere coincidence but maybe you were wrong.
"I know a lot of things about you, Y/N. More than you can even think of." Jimin smirks. One of his hands reaches down to stay on the swell of your ass. You grasp at the sudden intimacy.
"How?" You ask him as you try to match his steps. Swaying your hips as his hands guide you.
"Do you really think it's a coincidence to find me everywhere you go?" His eyes stay trained on yours, once again piercing through your soul.
He leans down towards you, reaches your level, and whispers in your ear, "I have been chasing you for a long time now…. Finally you are in my claws."
Shivers run down your spine…. Park Jimin has been chasing you? Why? But before you could voice your question, he bites your earlobe. You moan out a little. You know it's probably not audible since the volume of the music is way too loud. But Jimin hears it.
His hand encircles around your waist tighter as he pulls you towards him even more. Your faces are inches away from each other. And you forget that the world exists.
His plump lips are so inviting that you give in and place your lips on his, giving him a chaste kiss. You hear Jimin groan when you part your lips from him.
"Fuck" he curses as he attacks your lips again. His hand leaves your hip and that reaches to grope one of your tits. He massages it gently but the kiss gets rougher and hungrier each passing moment.
Jimin rubs his erection on your stomach and you know he is quite hard already. He breaks the kiss and looks at you for a moment. You take the chance to admire his beauty. His black locks falling on his eyes, his plump glossy lips, his smooth skin, his Adam's apple and of course his midnight blue sparkle-y two piece dress, everything is perfect. Everything emphasizes his beauty beyond imagination. And for a moment you wonder, if it's another wet dream you're having. Maybe to prove you wrong, Jimin leans down again.
"Remove your panty" he whispers in your ear as you take a moment to register his words.
"W-what?" You ask, bamfuzzled.
"I said remove your panty, baby. Right. Now." His demeanor changes to a more demanding one. You can't help but feel yourself getting aroused. And you obey his words.
Scanning the surroundings for a bit you understand everyone's too busy to keep an eye on you two, since Jimin already found someone, no one is wasting their time anymore. So you take the chance and put one of your hands under your little black dress to remove your panty. As soon as the deed is done, you see Jimin's hand extending towards you as he points the piece of garment with his eyes. You place it on his palm. He puts it in his pocket while licking his lips, eyes staying on your face.
Then once again he pulls you closer to him. this time he attacks your neck, biting and sucking every inch of skin available to him. One of his hands stays on your waist when the other one pushes your dress slightly higher.
You moan out loud when you feel him nipping on your neck and at the same time his thumb presses on your clit.
"So wet and ready for me" he says between kisses. The pad of his thumb makes patterns on your clit as two of his digits slide into you.
"Ji-Jimin" you moan.
"Yes baby? You like that?" He asks. You nod your head as you're unable to form a sentence.
It's been long since you have had anything called sex. And the way Jimin's fingers are restlessly pumping into you, your body can hardly take it. Moreover, the fact that there are people surrounding you, all or most of them want Park Jimin for themselves but you are the one getting his fingers to abuse your cunt like this, is making your pleasure ten fold. As a result, you clench around him embarrassingly early.
"You wanna cum already?" He asks with a low seductive voice, staring at you.
"I'm close" you breathe out as he reaches to kiss your throat again.
"Cum. Make a mess on my fingers, here on the dance floor, Y/N" he commands and you comply.
You cum on his fingers. As he sucks a bruise on your neck. Then he parts his lips from your skin, removes his fingers from you, stands tall and stares at you with his siren eyes.
He brings his fingers coated with your juice to his lips and puts it on his tongue. He hums at the taste, you start to get wet again just with the view.
"Fuck. You taste so good." He says as he completes sucking his fingers. You bite your lips and release a shaky breath.
"Let me drop you home." He says as he starts pulling you out of the club.
**********
A/N: anyone want a part 2?
Taglist:
@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life
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504py · 3 months
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Yandere Prussia Relationship Headcanons
Gender neutral, no use of Y/N, NSFW, murder, kidnapping mention, stalking, long post ahead!
we're SO BACK JOE. i apologize in advance if i write him strangely 😭😭🙏 but here it is! come get y'all juice!! slowly coming back to hetalia, so my inbox is once again open!!! hope y'all like it!
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How the relationship started...
Gilbert is a very competitive man, and he can't help but be attracted by challenges, even if those challenges are ones that he himself proposes and the other party is completely unaware. This is what has unfortunately happened between you two, and it all started when you rejected his advances towards you.
I apologize for saying this, but I feel that Gilbert is a bit of a "nice guy". He saw you initially as just some pretty person he could fool around and flirt with, but you, obviously, saw right through his act, and said something that stuck with him.
"Are you normally this pathetic?"
He's taken aback, and his red irises shake a little.
Of course, he's used to insults being flung his way, what with how he acts, but a shot to how cool he perceives himself to be would stick.
His white brows crease his previously smirking face, before snapping back.
"Well fuck you too!"
Gilbert wouldn't have any contact with you following this interaction for a long while, and while he tries to forget you and erase you from his memory, you and your words have been laser-burnt into the creases of his brain. You and your damned smile when you look at anyone other than him, the softer tone your voice takes when you talk to other people, versus how your voice seems to have been drained of all enthusiasm and feels like it's a knife dripping with venom when Gilbert talks to you. Why didn't he deserve that nice treatment, too? Was he not even deserving of a small smile from you? He wants you to like him, too. He wants to be the person you like the most; to be the best.
Which resulted in him showing up at your door one evening with flowers and your favorite takeout.
Why does he know your address and why does he know your favorite food and flowers, you ask? Don't worry about it (He was obsessively stalking your social media during the month he was gone).
Gilbert apologizes to you, he sounds sincere, and like the oh-so kind person you are, or maybe you just wanted the food and flowers, you let him into your home.
Expectations...
Gilbert is a very insecure man. His only expectation is for you to look at only him and to love him only. Perhaps he wants you to love him the same way he loves you, obsessively, but he does like the challenge.
He feels like, maybe, if he can fully prove himself to you one day and have your validation, only then can he truly see himself as worthy, as the best for you.
He would have a lot of tunnel vision when it comes to you. To Gilbert, the rest of the world doesn't matter, because you are his whole world. He does tend to look pretty stupid because of it sometimes, but he couldn't care less.
You want him to cook and clean around the house? He'll do it.
You want him to change up his style even if he doesn't really like it? Of course he will!
You want him to carry all the bags while you're out shopping? In a heartbeat. Plus, he gets to show off his strength too. He'd carry you too if you allowed it.
Even if he tries his best not to come off as cocky, he really does like showing off. Being with you has sort of domesticated him, so he'd be a lot more shy about making a show of himself.
I think he'd act like this irregardless on if you accepted him as your boyfriend or not, if anything, I think he'd be even more of a doormat if you refuse to accept him.
He'd get crazier and crazier with his attempts to prove himself to you, such as buying extravagant gifts, doing anything and everything under the sun and moon for you, hell, he'd even legally change his name if you didn't like it.
If you still don't accept him despite everything he's done, I think he'd snap and just take you. He'll keep you with him so you won't run away and he can have as many attempts as it takes to prove himself to you.
But I imagine you'd cave from the guilt and persistence, and eventually accept him. At which, he'd literally scream from relief and happiness and swing you around, before realizing how rough he's being with you and hurriedly putting you back down and apologizing.
Yet he still has that wide toothy grin the whole time, and he keeps petting your hair and holding your face in his hands adoringly. It feels that, from that moment on, there would never be a moment where he'd be unhappy ever again, and he'd never allow you to be unhappy either as long as he's around.
It is genuinely very hard to make this Gilbert upset, because there are very few things that do...
Punishments...
Gilbert really hates it when you express any sort of affection towards anyone or anything other than him.
Yes, anything. He gets jealous if you show too much affection over his dogs or fawn over them too much. I'm seriously saying this, I think he'd later show up with a collar around his neck, crawling on the ground and rubbing his head against your thigh like a mutt. This could either come off as comedic or attractive depending on you, but either is a win in Gilbert's book, since at least he's got your attention now.
If you have any personal toys of your own, he'd get kinda emotional and ask you to throw them away, then ask what they do that he can't. In some time (and by that I mean later that night, maybe even right away), he'd prove that he can provide you with so much more pleasure and relief than those toys ever could.
Probably even to a fault, he'd keep overstimulating you and forcing orgasms till he was satisfied, till he believed that it was drilled into your brain that only he could do these sorts of things to you. And, also, that if you make him jealous like this again, it'll be another one of these long, torturous, sweaty nights...
I guess these aren't really punishments to a lot of people, because in my book only one thing could make him so genuinely upset that he'd be anything other than doting towards you, and that would be flirting with someone else. He'd try to deny it, but then he'd be inconsolable and crying for weeks, having nights where he'd be begging you to say that it never happened, or that the other person meant nothing to you.
"They r-really mean nothing to you? You mean it, babe?"
Then an idea pops into Gilbert's head, one that makes his heart rate pick up and his pupils dilate.
He kisses you, says that he loves you, says goodnight, then he'd be eerily... calm for the next few days. Usually he'd be more skittish and closed-off following whatever you did, but now he's acting like nothing ever happened.
Until one day, he shows up with that other person, bound and gagged, and a gun.
"G-Gil, what is thi-"
"They mean nothing to you, right?"
"Y-Yes, but-"
Then the gun fires, and it happens so quickly that you can barely process it.
This is only a hypothetical scenario, if you were ever to do something like that. It'd be really easy for Gilbert to slip into a psychosis and believe he was doing the right thing by murdering someone.
If anything, he sees it as another means of proving himself.
"There's no one else who would kill for you like I could."
All in all, he isn't easy to anger, but unfortunately I can't say the same thing about him and murder...
Rewards...
Luckily, as long as you're fully loyal to him, all you'd have is a boyfriend who is doting to a total fault.
As long as you've got a good tolerance for cringe, being with Gilbert should be relatively stress-free.
Gilbert's love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. You could imagine what the two combined would be... Yeah, he's got a huge praise kink.
But as for ways he shows his love towards you, it's definitely acts of service and gift giving. He lilkes gloating a lot, and that's especially true when it comes to the two of you.
He enjoys showing you off. He likes buying gaudy things for you and himself– a huge fan of matching outfits– and taking you out on flashy dates. If you're comfortable with being posted on his social media, best believe he'd be spamming his with you ALL the time. Even if you're not being physically being shown, he'd write about you in his tweets, captions, and stories constantly.
"CHECK OUT THIS EPIC BAG I GOT FOR MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!"
And around twenty-eight people respond like "Didn't you just get them one the other day??"
If you're one to hop between interests and hobbies a lot, or just have any hyperfixations in general, best believe Gilbert will be fueling them LOL.
Gilbert can be really overbearing with his affections, but to him it's just because you deserve it so much. Only the best for the best, right?
He can't help it either, the most rewarding thing he's ever felt is that feeling he gets after he gives you a gift or does something for you. You get this adorable look on your face, smiling at him like he was the stars in the sky and singing out the sweetest compliments and thanks. It's all so worth it.
Normally I'd delve into what Gilbert would love to receive from his partner in return, but in all seriousness, I really do think all he wants is praise and your sole affection.
Like Alfred in my last headcanon post, Gilbert is really noisy, but I think he'd willingly make an effort to change that for you. Not because you asked for it or anything, but just cause, this way, he can appreciate all the tiny little things about you even more.
He realized this, when, one day, he noticed you frown a little before you smile. He wonders why he's never noticed this, and he realizes it's because he closes his eyes right when he starts to laugh. He starts to wonder what other little details about you he's missing out on, so he watches you more carefully in that effort.
Inadvertently, this has made him more calm and quiet since he's so concentrated on you. He likes it, though.
I think, what punctuates Gilbert's character here, is his willingness to change and bend for love's sake.
He does say he loves you very often, to the point of it being annoying sometimes, but he sincerely does mean it. He doesn't say it as just fluff.
However, you'll feel it most with the way he looks at you.
"You have a mole on your back. Did you know that, babe?"
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(art used is mine, so please do show it some love on my blog as well! thinking of starting a taglist?)
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laroserie · 4 months
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— characters : Alastor, + the hotels residents (vague mention - expect for Charlie)
— content : x gender neutral reader - reader is a baker, reader is naive (for a sinner), Alastor manipulate reader into coming to the hotel, Alastor is Alastor but he's also OOC (kinda but uh who write canon Alastor anyways)
— author note : this is the second part of an (potentially yandere!) alastor x baker reader - the first part is here (also the words count is : 1.7k ) (saying that because i outdid myself lol) (also yes i know Alastor canonically do not like tea idc this mf is gonna drink tea) ++ honestly considering doing a third part because I have so much more to say and write about this
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After Alastor came back from his seven years hiatus and he came for at your bakery again, he could come so often, like once every two days.
But it could take him a while to make a 'move', try to get closer to you or talk to you about the hotel but one day, he comes to your bakery and asks for an unusual amount of pastries. You don't comment on it as it's not your place - you are just a simple baker ! But you can't help but raise an eyebrow.
Alastor meant to talk to you about the hotel, not because he wanted you to reedem yourself or because he wanted to do it for Charlie - well maybe a little but he won't admit it - but more or less to keep an eye on you. By then, he isn't sure as to why he wants to keep an eye on you - his assumption is that he feels the same way toward you as he does toward Rosie. He sees you as a friend but not quite - you are the sweet baker who makes quite good pastries and you are by far one of the less annoying sinners he ever spoke to. But he feels some kind of protectiveness over you - probably because he sees you as quite meek and weak.
So obvious what could be better than inviting you to stay at the hotel ? A place where he can both protect and keep on eye on you at -nearly- all time.
Alastor took this opportunity, 'These aren't all for me, dear. They are for ... my friends ?' he started while you were wrapping up what he purchased, 'You see ... Have you heard of the Hazbin Hotel ?' he asks.
'Uhm ... The hotel run by the princess ? Yeah I've seen a bit of talk about it, why ?'
'Well ! I am the facility manager of that, hotel ! And the ... pastries are for my fellows workers and residents.' He stopped for a second to gauge your reaction to that information - which was a simple nod and a 'ohh' - he continued. 'Hm, the goal of the hotel is to help sinners redeem themselves ... could you be by chance interested ?'
This question probably takes you by surprise. By then you already finished packing Alastor order - you push it toward him on the counter. You respond hesitantly 'Ha, well ... Is it possible ? To even redeem yourself ... ?' Your smile falter a bit and you look in the void for a bit. 'I don't think redemption is for me ... If I'm here it mean I deserve it and that it's already too late ...' Alastor didn't fully expect you to react like this - he did expect that you could say 'no' at first but not that.
'But ! Anyways, there is your order, enjoy !' You said trying to end the conversation there. But alas Alastor was not the type to give up so easily.
He took his order but continued on, 'If you couldn't mind dear, please just come and visit once, to be truthful, we haven't had a whole lot of sinners coming, you just simply visiting could be wonderful, and you could help bring Charlie mood up, oh and you both could get along so well !' As he finished his sentence he turned and walked toward the door and threw you a 'Goodbye!'.
Alastor knew you enough to know that he could pull at your heart strings to get what he wanted - you were always the sensitive type, the type to care even about strangers. He was sure that he could see you 'visit' in the near future.
And well he was right ! A mere three days after you found yourself at the doorstep of the hotel. You had been waiting for a few minutes already - you were still debating on entering or just turning on your hells and going back home.
But before you could do anything the hotel door in front of you opened in a big 'slam'. And once again before you could do anything, you were dragged into the hotel in a very enthusiastic manner.
'Hello !! Are you interested in the hotel ?' A cheerful voice asked you, as she dragged you into the hall, you recognised quite easily who is was - the owner of the hotel - Charlie Morningstar. It wasn't your first time seeing her, but it was your first time seeing her up close. You had to restrain a laugh at her over-enthusiasm, you didn't want be irrespectful toward the princess of hell.
'Good morning, I am simply visiting as it was recommended by ... a friend of mine.' You saw her be a bit disappointed hearing that. 'Oh. Is there anyways you could I don't know change your mind ? Maaaaybe ?' She asked.
You a small smile appeared on your face 'Maybe. If your convincing is good enough.'
Charlie took it as a challenge, she started by showing you around the hotel, and then made you meet the residents - you spoke a bit with everyone - at the exception of Alastor how was visiting his friend in Cannibal Town. To say you were surprised knowing that the two sole residents of the hotel were one of the biggest pornstar of hell and somekind of mad inventor could be an understatement. The staff of the hotel was also something - you knew already Niffty and Husk having heard about them from Alastor and you saw and spoke with Husk a few times when he picked up orders at your bakery for Alastor. And then there was Vaggie, she seemed to be quite suspicious of you and it feel like she could gut you out as soon as you do something wrong.
By the end of the day, Charlie asked you once again if you wanted to join the hotel - you struggled to answer her - a part of you seriously started to consider joining the hotel and trying to get redeem but the other one was still wary of the idea.
But you asked her if you could come every once in a while to visit and she was overjoyed by it - you didn't join the hotel but it was still an advances to have someone visit the hotel.
You did end up visiting the hotel a lot - at some point you could come once a week - you ended up befriending most people from the hotel.
One of those day, most of the hotel residents were out - only Alastor and Niffty were at the hotel. Niffty was running around chasing cockroachs - you were having tea with Alastor.
Alastor had finally decided to move to the next steps of his plan - to have you under his grip. He started by asking you a few questions about how you felt about the hotel.
'I told you, you could get along with Charlie !' You nodded as you sipped on a cup of tea. 'Are you thinking of joining the hotel officially ?' You sighed and shake your head, 'Alastor, you already know my answer ...'
'Are you sure dear ? I truly think it could be beneficial for you to join.' He persisted. 'But, I have a bakery to run, I, I have responsibility.'
'You can continue to run your bakery while being a resident here darling ! Honestly, why don't you want to ? Please don't tell me you seriously believe you cannot be redeem, we all know that it's not true. You by far one of the most ... redeemable sinner there is' Alastor tone of voice was serious - the atmosphere shifted and suddenly the way you were sitting became uncomfortable. 'Alastor please ... Don't.' You managed to utter, your looked down at the cup between your hands.
'What, I am simply saying the truth. I am just asking you to enlighten me as to why you don't think you should at least try to redeem yourself and join heaven.' You looked up to see Alastor with his usual smile plastered on his face - it felt wrong, you felt yourself crack. 'There is no real reasons to be frank, I just know that it's not possible, that it's not right ...'
Alastor shacks his head, 'If you don't do it for yourself please do it for Charlie, you both are dear friends now right ? Couldn't you like to make her happy by becoming a resident and attempting to cleanse yourself of your sins ? Ah, it could even make me happy ...' He pulled out the last card in his deck - once again he knew that playing with your feelings could be the easiest way to get you to stay - and so he did.
He could see you hesitate a bit, 'Are you sure ...? What if she learn that I don't believe in it truly ? I do not wish to be hypocritical ... isn't that a sin itself ?' Alastor laughed a little hearing you, 'You shouldn't worry about that darling. The important thing is the end result - not how you got it. Who cares if you aren't honest ? And if it's stay between the two of us, Charlie will never know.' You took a few minutes to think - weighting the pros and cons.
You sighed and nodded your head, 'Sure, I mean what could go wrong ... ha.'. Alastor smiles 'Exactly dear !', he took a sip of tea, 'Now, shall we do the paperwork now ?', he didn't wait for an answer and just pulled out a stack of papers and a pen out of Satan know here and slided them toward you.
You didn't brother to question him and just took the pen in hand, 'Do I really need to read all of that ?' you said pointing to the small toward of papers in front of you, 'Oh of course no, it's just good 'ol paperwork, you don't need to read anything ! Just sign the bottom of each pages and ... we should be good.' you probably didn't notice the way his smiles twisted as he uttered those words or if you did you just preferred to not question it.
Looking back you probably should have - it could have saved you from the collar and leash attached to your neck and the overall pain that was having your soul being owned by Alastor - with the added layer of being a full time resident of the hotel.
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missblissy · 7 months
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Bitter
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Summary: A little drabble that takes place after the events of the game. In an intimate moment, Astarion has feelings of disgust within himself, and can't help but break down, talking to you about how he feels in his own skin. You stay supportive and help him through it.
Warnings: mentions of sex/domestic trauma, and panic attacks, but no actual smut. :) Only angst. Just angst. :)))
A/N: Hey hey! This is my first Astarion X Reader! I have been sucked in and now I'm just another one of his girlies :') I used a GN!Tav with no mentions of race/class/gender whatsoever. I really wanted to explore Astarion's sexual trauma, how he deals with it, and how he feels about it. I like to think Astarion desperately wants to be whatever he thinks "normal" is, and that he has a lot of shame and pained feelings towards not being able to be whatever this "normal" is. So I wanted to give him some angsty love/hurt and comfort. Enjoy!
Bitter. Like sour brandy. A perpetuating ick that crawled with insect-hooked feet into his skin. The itchy pain of ghostly memories was hot on his flesh. The crawling and coiling were unconditional. The buzzing of past words, actions, and regrets all flooded his mind. His body moved with a mind of its own in a sheer thought of panic. Moving. Repulsed. Unwanted even. But it still happened. Bittering the moment, souring the taste in his mouth, clutching at his undead heart with a rage he didn’t know he had, so soft and subtle that it built like a breeze over the ocean, hitting him like a typhoon. 
But no sign foretold that in the sudden jerk and pull back of his own hand from yours. No longer interlocked. The recoil of his body from instincts rather than thought or sound mind. How he fell away from you, not into you. Both surprised him, his internal rage, and his body betraying him. A breath hitched in his throat as he was pulled back to the dimly lit room of reality.
Where was he again...? His mind was foggy, far way, but yet still brim and bright with paranoia. Flush and festering with one too many distant memories.
“Star-bite?” Your voice was always soothing… Enough to pull him from his mind. The fog far from leaving his eyes traveled with ease across his face in the dark room. No light was needed for you to see that.
The honey worry in your words where enough for his eyes to meet yours despite his shame to look away. It pained him even more with the love welling in those sweet pearls and staring up at him with nothing but patience. Seemingly something he didn’t have. A tender hand lifted to his head, “Are you okay?” You asked. He flinched away. Again. Not even twice now in five minutes. You didn't pull back, however, but rather left your palm open with patience.
Astarion closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into your hand for only a second as he tried to ground himself. Self-hatred bubbled in him. Embarrassment. Shame. It was all the same feeling at this point and it was unbearable.
He sat up and back on his legs, no longer looming over you as the moonlight bathed him in a glow. Glossy with an otherworldly shine you stared up at him, skin exposed to the night. And watched as his shoulders fell with a deep sigh of frustration as he threw his hands to his face as if to hide while shaking his head, “I’m sorry-” He started. You slowly sat up as well, a blanket bathing over your own equally nude body in a half attempt to cover up.
“I’m sorry.” He said it again, “I.. I Don’t know what came over me,” He tried to laugh it off, the fact he blanked out, flinched from your very touch, and found himself disgusted even with the person he loved most. You understood… This was hard for him. Sex. Intimacy. Anything that related to his body. So you so desperately wanted to comfort him.
Which could be a hard thing to do sometimes. Despite that, you tried to reassure him. This wasn't the first time this has happened, “You don’t have to do this, It’s fine-”
“It’s not fine!” Astarion snipped with a whisper that could have been a scream, “I’m… not fine.” 
Bitter. It was always bitter on his tongue even when he laughed like it was as sweet as syrup before it turned into wine, “I don’t want to be… like this,” His voice carried on as he gestured to his entire being, “Every time. Every single time it doesn’t matter how much you love me I still feel disgusted in my own skin and that’s not fine!” He finally snapped out with a subtle sob, “I want to be able to do more than look and love you from an arm’s reach without wanting to burn my bones and erase the memory of everything I’ve ever been through every time I’m simply just touched by another!” 
There wasn’t an easy way to hide the pain on your face. The bitter truth. Even you knew it and it still stung fresher than a wasp’s stinger on a knuckle. No amount of love you gave Astarion could fix the damage done to him over two centuries of torment. No kind words, no simple nothings, or gestures could undo any of it. Nor erase it. Even dead, Cazador would always be with him.
Astarion’s voice picked up, another twisted, sad, and painful laugh, “It sickens me… It kills me,” He sighed, “That even no matter how much I love you, adore you, want you, and need you…” Silver-flowing tears trickled along his cheeks, flicking with faints of pink, betraying his true nature. A vampire’s bloody tears never lied. A sour sniffle sucked back up into his nose as he spoke again, “No matter how much I care I can’t be fixed. I’ll always fucking be like this!” 
He felt so trapped in his own skin. Disgusted with his own body. Hateful towards the person he was forced to become and betrayed by the thought of the person he could have been. It was a bitter cycle. And to think… This all started as a lovely night. But Astarion could just add this to the long list of many other things he’s ruined.
You sat on your knees, scooting just an inch ever so closer, “Astarion?” You held out your hand for him, palm up, open and there for him to take if he wanted. And of course, he did, “You will always be broken.” His eyes shot open and he stared at you, surprised by your honest take, “But you will also always be loved and cared for even if you are broken,” You squeezed his hand lightly and gave a soft smile, “And I don’t mind that you’re broken,”
Something told him you were lying but Astarion knew better than to believe that. It didn’t stop his little scoff as he averted his red gaze, “Even if I can’t fuck you?” Bitter. It was in his voice, the way he spat the words and laughed by adding, “I know I’m supposed to be this amazing, beautiful, and skilled piece of work but I’m no-”
“You’re not supposed to be anything,” You softly interrupted him, knowing exactly where he was about to go with this tangent, “You’re only supposed to be whatever you want to be. Not what others have made you out to be.”  
He still couldn’t meet your gaze, but you could see the doubt in his eyes and the subtle pout of frustration on his lips, “Even if I don’t know what I want to be?” He spoke more softly this time, like it was mostly to himself so he could finally speak it out loud, “... Or who I am?”
“Absolutely,” You promised him. It broke your heart every time he had these moments, how hurt and torn he must feel inside you could only imagine. You leaned a little closer, enough to still give him his space, “I’m not with you for the sex, Astarion, it was never about the sex. So I could go the rest of my life waiting, or not waiting, or simply just being there,” You reached up and cupped his cheek again and pulled ever so gently to get him to meet your gaze, “You… Do. Not… have to have sex with me to keep me to stay with you,” A little glimmer in your eye sparked with affection, "I'll say it as many times as you need to hear it, you are enough just as yourself. And I'll say it forever, I love you for you, and that includes even when stuff like this happens."
That got the littlest smile out of him. He brushed his cheek deeper into your palm and found himself even leaning into your embrace, “You know I want to,” He huffed, “I just don’t think… I can… not without this feeling being there, that is," It was still bitter. He closed his eyes, head resting by your shoulder, nearly hiding in the crook of your neck, “I don’t want to be this way. It’s like I'm not even free. Like my time in the sun was worth nothing in the long wrong,” He quickly looked up at you and corrected himself, “I know that’s not true,” A bitter smile, “It just feels that way, sometimes,” 
Your smile, bitter too, but sweet, with a sad nuzzle of your nose against his in a loving and comforting gesture, “I know, Star-bite,” Then a little kiss to his nose for reassurance, “But this,” And a tight squeeze of his hand, referring to just this simple act alone as you spoke, “You can do. And this is more than enough,”
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the-delta-quadrant · 8 months
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6 things i learned in 6 years of being out as nonbinary
1. not all nonbinary gender is derived from male or female.
i used to have a very simplified understanding of the gender spectrum as a triangle with the corners being male, female and agender and you could slide around on the sides or in the middle. gender is much, much bigger than that and learning that was an important lesson for both my own self-discovery as a maverique and my understanding of other people's experiences.
2. a lot of trans & nonbinary people still hold on to gender-related binaries.
somehow i wasn't aware of this until 3-4 years ago (ignorance was bliss!), but gender-related binaries are really common even in spaces that pride themselves in breaking them. male- and female-aligned used to be very common, classifying especially nonbinary people by AGAB still happens constantly, transmasc and transfem are being treated like a binary and people created a men vs non-men binary 2 years ago. we can't escape binaries even in our own communities.
3. there are a lot of people who treat nonbinary as a blank slate to project whatever is convenient to their argument on.
i'm nonbinary until i disagree, suddenly i'm a man. i'm nonbinary until i'm openly asexual, suddenly i'm a cishet female invader. nonbinary is not a single third gender, it's man-life or woman-lite. but actually nonbinary men and women don't exist, because the only way to be nonbinary is to be neither.
4. nearly every single nonbinary term either gets rebinarised or a lot of hate.
transgender used to be a term that mainly described people who we'd now call nonbinary, yet it now has a pretty binary connotation with nonbinary people still being pushed out on a regular basis. genderqueer was an earlier term for nonbinary, but binary people decided it wasn't inclusive enough if it didn't include them. people are trying to turn nonbinary into an ideology that binary people can follow rather than an identity. people hate the word enby because it gives us even the tiniest bit of legitimacy that is given to men and women by default. people lose their shit about labels that describe attraction to nonbinary people because apparently we're not a valid group of people to feel attraction towards.
5. binarism doesn't describe a general antinonbinary sentiment, but specifically bigotry against cultural genders.
we have the terms sexism, ableism, racism, classism, so it would only make sense that bigotry against nonbinary people would be called binarism, right? wrong. binarism is a form of colonial violence that frames the western gender binary as the only real gender system, and punishes cultures that recognise more than two genders. the -ism term for nonbinaryantagonism would be exorsexism.
6. binary people are gonna think you're a cringey weirdo no matter what you do, so you might as well prove them right.
no matter how palatable we try to be, at the end of the day they hate us all.
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Note
Pls don't ignore if you don want to do it, please just dm me that you don't want to or I will assume you didn't see it and wait forever. I have a very specific request. How would bsd cast react to guiding light not being able to do a lot of things due to medical problems? I have a port wine stain on my left leg, it covers the whole thing, and it swells A LOT. Like, it is always swollen but sometimes it gets worse. I can't jump or run or even climb well because of it, making gym class hard and stuff like that. How would they react to it? On top of that, I think it'd be funny if the guiding light was short af, like shorter than CHUUYA. Teen reader if possible, gender neutral or male please. Byeeeee.
I hope, you enjoy it ☺️
Teen! Short! Male! Reader with medical problems
Self-Aware! Platonic! BSD Characters x Male! Teen! Reader
Slight Self-Aware! Platonic! Chuuya Nakahara x Male! Teen!Reader
Slight Self-Aware! Platonic! Oda Sakunosuke x Make! Teen! Reader
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Warning: OOC. English is my second language
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🐾 BSD Cast have a feeling, that you have some health problems. They heard, how, sometimes, you rant to "them" about having problems during gym classes, or hissed under your breath, because "it hurts again". So, they prepared in advance. Yosano, Doc and Mori were searching web , trying to get all possible information about any possible way of treatment. They weren't sure, what exactly they need to do to help you, so, they try to prepare for anything.
🐾 When Kirako "woke up" from her stasis, she shed the light in your condition. So, they start to look in about your medical problem specifically. Yosano, Doc and Mori will keep all information in mind, to help you ease the pain. Or, if there is a way, to heal you.
🐾 When they got into the real world, BSD Cast won't immediately attack you with questions about your health. They will wait, until you feel comfortable sharing this information with them.
🐾 But, from the first day, they will try to make you happy.
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School was over, and you were on your way home. Today was one of "this days", and your leg was sore. So, you tried to move carefully. Unfortunately, today all cars in the household were occupied, and Albatross was still in a process of getting license, that would allow him to drive teens on his motorbike. So, you will have to go home by feet. You called home beforehand and explained to BSD Cast, that you might be a little bit late for lunch.
You walked 1/4 of the road to your home, when you saw Chuuya and Oda walking towards you.
"[Y/N], hello. How is my little brother doing?" if Chuuya's grin is implying something, it would be the fact, that Chuuya liked, that you were smaller, than him, and he can tease you in a friendly way. You rolled your eyes.
"I am fine. And what you two are doing here?"
Chuuya point at your backpack.
"We decided to meet you and go home together. Now..." without further words, Chuuya put his hand towards you, waiting. You took off your backpack and give to him. Immediately, Oda offered his elbow for you to hold on.
"And, remember, just ask, and we will slow down." Oda ruffled your hair.
You three went home, talking about your day and what you want to do today and these weekends.
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🐾 Yosano, Doc and Mori will be ready to help you at any moment of the day. Will offer to ease your pain (medical herbs, special massage, etc.)
🐾 If there is a treatment for your problem, Fitzgerald will offer to pay for it. The cost doesn't matter, he will pay for anything.
🐾 For the most part, their relationship with you won't be too affected by your medical problems. BSD Cast will still treat you as their son/nephew/little brother/older brother/grandson. They will spend time with you (watching movies, reading books, playing video games, doing hobbies, etc.)
🐾 They want to make you happy. And will do everything, to achieve that.
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orkbutch · 3 months
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So, I'm not really in the weeds of Transgender Discourse on the internet (I have a life and also care about my mental health) but I've seen something discussed here about trans masculinity and I wanna talk about it.
I'm very masculine. I'm butch, I'm trans masc, I've always wanted to be masculine and I feel most comfortable when I'm presenting as such. Without much effort or any intention on my part I am read as a cis man day to day. Because I don't present more fem, in queer spaces I am read and recieved as a man, maybe trans, probably into other men. People do not even consider if I'm a butch lesbian unless there's Significant context indicating it. Because of this I'm viewed through 'Man Lens'; It feels a different if I say 'bitch', if I talk about my attraction to women. I don't get smiled at, people put physical distance between me and them as much as possible.
This is familiar for a lot of trans masculine people and trans men that aren't androgynous/fem leaning in their style, and it is an upsetting change to happen. It makes us feel judged or misunderstood to suddenly be causing this wariness in others; it feels prejudiced. I've seen people putting words to this like transmisandry. This is something they want to lessen in their communities, so they don't have to experience this anymore.
Now, here's my opinion part: That's not going to happen. You cannot tackle the "problem" of people responding to your masculinity with wariness. They aren't controlling the wariness, they can't. More importantly, their wariness toward masculinity and what registers in their brain as "man-like" is well founded. It's based in lifetimes of experiences and trauma that has told them men can be very unsafe to be around, and that is true. Most men are cis, and cis men are the most threatening thing in this world to non-cis men. They are usually* socially privileged above others, more likely to inflict violence, more likely to abuse and murder others, are typically physically more powerful than others. Everyone thats not a cis man DEEPLY internalises a very rational wariness of men, and masculine presentation as an extension. Especially men that are strangers. (*This is of course different when we consider intersections of race, colonialism, classism, ect. But globally this generalisation is still pretty accurate.)
Honestly, I don't think this wariness towards masculine presentation is something thats useful or realistic to challenge. Like many internalised processes it's probably a good idea to examine it and consider its usefulness, but I think it'd be easy to conclude that it is a useful wariness for people to have. Women have lots of reasons to be wary around men, including the unique threats of transmisogyny. Queer and gender deviant men have lots of reasons to be wary around men. This is The Reality of patriarchy.
Personally, the place I've come to with how women and queer people react to my masculinity (which is not entirely negative btw, the wariness is just one aspect) is that... I understand their wariness. I have it too, toward those my brain assumes are cis men. I cannot control how they feel or what they think about me. I can only be respectful to others and to myself and live my life. I flag my butchness where I can, I make my gender clear to those it matters to, and the rest I accept as largely beyond my influence. All of us have to do this in some places in our lives.
Even though my masculinity makes other queers wary, I have lots of friends! I've had no real trouble dating or finding intimacy. Initial wariness is just that. Once you understand each other, break the barrier, its usually settled. For anyone who finds my masculinity so offputting that we can't break the barrier, I'm glad neither of us put each other through that discomfort. I understand where a fear like that comes from. I will still hold community with them because that's what solidarity entails.
Anyway thats my ramble about masculinity in queer community, good bye until another. who knows how long
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A Honey Trap For The Butterfly
Nanami Kento was everything you needed in a therapist, only as long as you ignored the sinking feeling in your gut.
Even tho there's nothing describing the act of s*x here, it's still a yandere fic - so minors and those not comfy with yandere stuff DNI and have a nice day! 🫶🏽
Word Count: (will update when life stops life-ing lmao)
⚠️Content Warnings⚠️: UNBETA'D, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Yandere!Therapist Nanami Kento, Gender!Neutral Reader (and no bits mentioned), Modern!AU, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Yandere, behaviour that SHOULD NOT be tolerated irl, Nanami says some very comforting shit to manipulate you, no curses.
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⚠️Further Content Warnings⚠️️: Unhealthy power dynamics, HEAVY and subtle emotional manipulation, implied stalking, mention of sexual activities, professional boundaries are OUT the window.
When your gut tells you something is wrong, one tends not to believe it at first, and this causes you to dismiss any further warnings.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Sorry, I-I'm just..."
"There's no need to push. Only if you're ready."
"No, I-I'd like to."
Therapy was a tricky thing. There was the problem of getting the right medication for you. There was also the problem of finding the right therapist for you. Which is why some people - like you - search for a very a long time until you finally found one that clicked. Nanami Kento, who was practically everything you needed in a therapist.
"The nightmares are about your family, yes? They say nightmares are ways for the mind to release overwhelming emotions. Can you tell me more about them?"
"Y-yes, I...these nightmares are always the same. My family talking about me behind my back, it's...I feel alienated."
"Hm...it's no wonder these nightmares always coincide with upcoming family gatherings." He scribbles something down, and turns his full attention towards you. "If you're okay with sharing, what makes you think they're alienating you?"
"I...now that you mention it Doctor, it does seem to coincide, but...I-I don't believe I've mentioned...how did you-"
"Ah, it's just an observation." He waves his hand dismissively. "And I told you, you can call me Kento."
-------
"I-I'm so sorry!" You apologize profusely, embarrassed and just a little defeated when you turn up short at the cashier of your favorite coffee shop. There's a brisk walk, and someone familiar drops some change at the cashier for you. Though being payed for was a surprise, the person paying was not. It was Nanami, who you seemed to run into a lot. So much, that bumping into your therapist outside of your sessions was almost the norm. Something about living nearby.
"Oh, Doctor, I-I'm really sorry about this!"
"Oh don't fret, it was only a few bucks." He offers his hand. "Come, sit with me."
You're taken aback. It's not like you didn't WANT to. Nanami was a very attractive man; well built, broad shoulders, and such a handsome face. But, still, he was your therapist. There is a very faint alarm, all the way at the back of your mind, that makes you feel just a little bit uneasy at the proposal.
"A-are you sure this...I mean, i-is this okay?"
"Of course." When he intertwines his fingers with yours, his face and eyes and words are completely welcoming. Laced with nothing but care in order to hide the ugly side just waiting to devour you.
"It's just coffee."
-------
"I think last session was a very eventful one. You did a lot well this week. I'm quite proud of you." He says and hands you the paper for your medications. His warm and strong hands linger on top of yours. "See you for lunch after?"
-------
"I just can't believe they'd do that to me..." You try and keep yourself from crying any more. "They're my family. I shouldn't have to cut them off like this!"
"Hey, hey...I know it doesn't seem like it, but you made the right choice." Nanami gently cups your face with his hand. "I'm proud of you."
"It's okay. You'll be okay." His eyes go over to your lips, as he tilts your head to better align with his. The room suddenly feels awfully quiet, too constricting, when his lips meet yours.
-------
"I think I've come a long way." You sigh and laugh softly. "I'd like to celebrate but...I-I'm not sure how. I'd like to minimize my spending..."
"Well, I'd have to agree, you ARE making fantastic progress." He takes your hand in his. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to celebrate it with you. I have a few ideas we could try."
"Oh, of course!"
"Date night." He brings your knuckles to his lips. "Your apartment."
Nanami stayed over that night. Worshipped your body as if he was made for it. He was a wonderful lover but, the entire experience left you feeling wrong, somehow.
-------
"I don't know what to feel...I just...they're all dead. My family, they're all..." It was all too much, and Nanami wraps his arms around you. "I know what they did but, still, I..."
"Oh, love...it's okay. Let me handle everything; planning, funeral expenses. Everything."
"Kento, that...that's too much-"
"Nothing in the world is too much for you, my dear." He holds your face when you start to cry again. "I would do anything for you."
When he looks at you, his eyes show a devotion and adoration so strong it borders insanity. You'd never expect this 'gentle giant' to be the one that caused your family's deaths. It was nothing you've ever seen from him, and it unsettles you.
"Anything. You know that, right?" He seals it with kiss on the lips, just a bit too harsh, just a bit too possessive. "Stay here, with me - where you belong. Don't worry anymore."
"You're home now."
When your gut tells you something is wrong, one tends not to believe it at first, and this causes you to dismiss any further warnings. It is just one of the many ways that humans self-sabotage. Though, for many manipulators, the intention is to make their victim do so by putting up a welcoming and disarming front - a perfect honey trap.
.
.
Writing this was a TRIP man, ughk. It's so tame and light as a yandere fic but something about writing subtle manipulation just makes my skin crawl the most. 😭 Anyways, hope you enjoy! ✨🫰🏽
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kenphobia · 1 year
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HEART STUTTER!
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"you're the absolute most."
summary. wally headcanons with a gender-neutral who isn't good at talking, uses vague wording and confuses smiliar sounding words with each other. ( headcanons / rewritten / see end notes)
contents. fluff i think. possibly ooc too. barnaby teasing the heck out of wally. take the L, wallace, take it.
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✦ Wally finds it oddly charming, for some inexplicable reason. He tries his best to understand you and somehow he knows what you're trying to say better than you could. He does let you explain for yourself, but once you turn to him with those pitiful eyes of yours, he couldn't help but finish your words for you.
✦ In some way, Wally understands how you feel. He is a charming little puppet but even so, he slurs his speech a lot which at times make him sound drunk and inaudible.
✦ Whenever you misuse and confuse words, Wally will use context clues to figure out what you're saying. To him, it's like a little puzzle game and he enjoys it very much. He does wonder how you can say typos out loud, concerning but he eats with his eyes so he can't complain.
✦ He'll always reassure you that your speech is fine and that you can take your time figuring what to say. You look better smiling than with your brows creased like that, so cheer up!
✦ Out of all of the neighbors, he understands you the most. You could refer to food as "Biting things" and he'll fetch some for you instantly, he makes a few mistakes at times and he apologizes deeply. Wally doesn't like making assumptions, especially if those assumptions makes you upset at yourself.
✦ Wally could pick up your vague wording the more he spends time with you. He wouldn't notice it until Barnaby mention it.
"And so, (Name) and I went to fetch the things from Poppy's place before coming to meet you all here." Wally vaguely gestured to the food laid on the picnic blanket underneath them, his eyes drifting you chatting and helping Julie fly her kite.
The larger puppet nodded his head, smiling almost teasingly. Wally quirked a brow at Barnaby's sudden weird attitude.
"Is there a problem, Barnaby?" Wally questioned.
"Oh no, it's nothing." Barnaby shrugged, taking his tobacco pipe from his mouth and into his large paw. He glanced over to you and Julie before turning back to Wally. "So, you and (Name), huh?"
"... Yes, we are an item, Barnaby. Is there something wrong?"
"Nope! It's just that you're so in love with them that you're already copying them." Barnaby chuckled. He took a breath in and blew out from his pipe.
"I'm—" Wally paused, his brows furrowed. "I don't think I follow what you mean, Barnaby. I do love them, in fact I am madly captivated by them, but I don't think I'd be so inclined to do the same things as they do."
"Oh yeah?" Wally raised a jesting brow. "Then, tell me what you were doing before the picnic." He gestured to the picnic set before the two of them.
"Well, that's easy!" Wally clapped his hands joyfully. "I woke up, finished some evenings, no, paintings! Yes, those things. Then, um, I met up with you all to talk about things and after cat— that! I went with (Name) to get the stuff from Poppy's and— Oh good lord."
Barnaby letted out a roaring of laughter and patted Wally's back. "You see what I mean now?"
Wally nodded silently, dumbfounded by how oblivious he was towards his speech. He was usually self-aware, watchful and cautious about the way he acts yet he managed you fumble over his words. Right in front of his best friend too.
"I guess they got your tongue tied?"
"Barnaby, kindly shut up for once."
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author's note. i amr ushing, I am RUSHING!!!! this was requested by @ssvv-cc but i accidentally answered their ask with the wrong contents and i deleted it so um terribly sorry :')) i might upload the last one but for now, let me cry in shame
again, my requests are always open. do note that im not a welcome home writer but i do writer many other things <33 /nm
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