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Mutant Month: The 2021 Hellfire Gala: The X-Men Conquer Mars: Comissioned by WeirdKev27

Hello all you happy mutants and welcome to our big finale to Mutant Month! Over this month we've taken a look at the X-Men's first apperance in animation, one of their greatest stories ever and the debut of one of the greatest x-men period, so it's only fit to end this monumental mutanty month with some fireworks: We're taking a look at the first annual Hellfire Gala, aka one of the x-men stories I brought up the most for some time: that time the x-men colonized mars, now known as planet Arakko.

For those of you who like Kev, who comissioned this, stopped for a second from scrolling and went

Allow me to present you with the grand tale of how Mutantkind terraformed an entire planet as a one two punch of solving a massive looming diplomatic crisis... and using it as the big main event of their version of the met gala. Your invitation is on the table, so take it with me, get your flowers pinned on so you can go through the gate, and join the party under the cut. Afterparty on Arakko bitches.

Well, How Did We Get Here?

So to get to the Hellfire Gala I have to get into the krakoan era of x-men, an era tha'ts reaching it's twilight but is still ongoing and has been one of my favorites in comics.

This era of X-History comes after a fairly bleak time in x-men comics: See in the mid 2010's, Marvel tried outright dismantling the x-men. Since the MCU didn't have the rights to them, Marvel was trying hard to not give Fox any more ammo, forgetting they still got mech money out of the x-men existing. They also just outright canceled fantastic four. Because who needs the founding family of the marvel universe if we can't merch the hell out of them amirite?

So despite the X-Men having JUST WARDED OFF EXTINCTION a few years ago, post secret wars they decided to push the Inhumans , anothe rgroup of superpowered beings they'd already set up clevery and uniquely as their own thing last era without stepping on the x-men's toes, as the new x-men and to shoe out the old.

What followed.. is one of the dumbest things i've seen in all of comics. So to push the Inhumans.. they decided the best way was to make the cloud of terrigen mist that created new inhumans... TOXIC TO MUTANTS. So that the Inhumans were casually allowing a toxic murder cloud to kill tons of people.. just to keep more of them existing.

I.. cannot find the words for how tonedeaf, short sighted and just plain moronic this was. You can't just.. kill one group to make another group popular. Queen didn't consume the beating hearts of all four beetles to become awesome. They just were. And the inhumans books.. were GOOD. Charles Soule was doing an utterly fantastic job on them and continued to for the entire run. You didn't need this shit. Instead it sunk the inhumans so that the followup, Royal, by one of my favorite writers in all of comics Al Ewing, got cut short and the inhumans were then mostly killed and those left put into exile. Except Lockjaw. Everyone loves a giant teleporting dog monster. He could stay.

Afterwords while Disney didn't have the rights back YET, Marvel realized they couldn't just magically flimflam fans and tried a half hearted attempt at boosting the x-men: They returned to sorta prominence.. but the new runs weren't given a huge push in the marvel universe as whole. We got the underrated classics X-Men Blue and Iceman, the former finishing up Cullen Bunn's awesome magneto trilogy and the latter redefining Bobby now he was an out and proud gay man, but the other flagship book at the time, yes there were two, x-men gold had a great status quo (Kitty Pryde as Xavier's School headmistress and x-men leader, and the institute now being located in central park), but was given to Mark Guggenhiem instead of a more compitent hand, resulting in a series long rehash of better stories... and one actually GOOD story mixed in.

It was clear while Marvel was willing to use the x-men again, they needed to actually use their whole ass. Enter Jonathan Hickman. For those not familiar with him

Jonathan Hickman is one of the best writer's in comics, and has had storied runs on all three of Marvel's biggest teams, all having a major impact and all really dang good, with a knack for longterm plotting, high sci fi concepts and quotable as hell lines and arc phrases. Hickman left marvel after Secret Wars 2015, his grand finale to his avengers run and intended as an end to his time at marvel so he could move on to new horizons, planning to give the compettition a ring. And while sadly that meant we didn't get what would've been likely THE definitive teen titans run, though i'm sure we'll get it some day as DC would be nuts not to let him do it, Marvel simply had an offer too tempting for him to pass up: Run the X-Men.

Something I never knew before his interviews for this era.. is that while Jonathan Hickman liked marvel... he never really read most of their comics before his runs. When he did Fantastic Four and Avengers, he studied heavily. Granted it shows how good a writer he is that it dosen't show and he clearly gained an apprceation for both. It's also a NEEDED reminder for comic book writers: YOU CAN JUST RESEARCH SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW. I know it sounds obvious but plenty of writers , Brian Micheal Bendis in paticular, don't seem to understand that.

For X-Men though, they were his intro into comics, the books he picked up as a kid. The playset he always wanted but during his first run at marvel the timing just never synched up. So Hickman gathered a crack team of writers and took an approach I feel most lines in comics should follow: he set up a writer's room, allowing the writers of all the books to bounce ideas off each other, which made the books better, and approach that's stuck even after he left and will hopefully.

The results of all this hard work? House of X and Powers of X, a set of two interconnected mini series that serve as essentially one big mini series setting up a brave new world for mutantkind. Hickman used the various attempted genocides on the x-men as a backdrop, including the m-pox, and another one that took place in the crappy uncanny x-men run between series that i'll no doubt have inflicted on me one day. And more importantly the fact that Mankind and most other heroes had done the bare minimum to help if that.

So the X-Men decided to once again start their own country. Except unlike previous attempts, they made an effort to become a global power, to play the game of nations. In this case they created plants that helped stave off diseases like althimerz, and leveraged them in exchange for acceptance a nation. Xavier had given up on his dream and instead had a new one: suing for peace.

If that sounds divisive.. that was the intent. That you get why the x-men are doing this, but also see that this has a real danger of them loosing their way and making shadier decisions... not helped by them offering amnesty to ALL mutants including past foes. Exploring the complexities of this is what makes this era so fantastic: the x-men are hoarding world changing advancments.. but after the world spat on them for so long while good men did nothing half the time, you can't blame them. As Cyclops expertly puts it in the first issue.

And yet many have issues with how dogmatic the ruling body of Krakoa, the quiet council is being, the shady decisions, the backdoor deals. It's a mixed blessing: Mutankind has home, saftey, wants for nothing.. but is the price tag worth it?

They also have one other thing, a secret to the world at this point: Resurrection. For years, in part thanks to seeming non mutant ally revealed to be secret mutant Moria Mactaggert, long story, and her longgame planning, Xavier had worked out a plan to cure death. It was both a way to raise the stakes.. and to just as importantly undo a LOT of crappy shock deaths for mutantkind, to bring back characters who'd been dead for DECADES and no one simply had gotten around to them. Death was over, mutantkind was truly immortal.

The process is also unique, using the five, five mutants working in concert, turning the non viable eggs made by goldballs, now dubbing himself egg, into viable clone bodies using a combination of reality warping from former foe proteus, life giving powers from elixer to make them viable, time from tempus to speed them up, and the boosting powers of Hope, the mutant messiah, to make this all possible.

So as a result, any mutant come back, mutants now had freedom and fancy organic warp gates, and a homeland on Krakoa, a mutant who as once an island that walked like a man but was now the benevloent home of all mutantkind.

So your probably wondering how all this somehow esclated FURTHER. Well that's a lot as the Hellfire Gala is the result of a few ongoing story beats all rolled together in a delicous tortilla.

The first is the gala itself. The Hellfire Club was normally the x-men's foes, a group of rich assholes who used their secret society to try and conquer the world through BUISNESSS! and other persuits. And also often wore bondage gear because Chris Claremont is not shy about his fetishes.

For Krakoa though, they became the Hellfire Trading Company. Emma Frost, teacher, x-man and 100% that bitch, had built up a huge fortune again during the meantime and was convinced by Magneto and Xavier to invest it in the children. It's a consitent thing: While Emma can be cold, has a sarcastic tounge bar none, she's always cared about the future of their species and always been protective of young mutants.

So Emma , in addition to a seat of the table, runs the BUISNESS side of things, and thus the inner circle of the hellfire trading company became the large shipping end for mutantkind. They buy the drugs, they light the fire, they are Humankind's main suplier. While other parts of krakoa focus on the growing of the life saving drugs, Emma's the one who markets and ships it, with two others to help: Kitty Pryde, her former enemy turned close friend who as head of the Marauders, lead a pirate crew of x-men to save mutants trapped in countries who didn't go for Krakoa's deal and do drug shipments, while Sebastian Shaw, king of the assholes and enemy of emmas, was given the job of smuggling. He also tried to Kill kitty suprising no one. And Emma and Kitty responded by beating the piss out of him and leaving him in a wheelchair for a while, suprising even less.

Emma being her usual extra self, decided the best way to show off their power as a nation, their wealth and what they could offer.. was a giant ass party with friend and foe alike invited. So threaded throughout the first year and a half of the marauders was Emma's plans for the Gala, with her having Magneto buy an island to host it on. It's such a character rich thing: buying a whole ass island to throw a giant party that's one part diplomatic work and one part "go fuck yourself racist assholes". It's Emma Frost.

The second part leading to all of this was a myth arc that spread through the first year of the comic. One of Mutantkind's most dreaded foes, Apocalypse.. willingly joined them and was given a sympathetic backstory: turns out his "survivial of the fittiest schtick" was because his wife had to send Krakoa's other half, Arrako, into the gates of hell to save the world, taking their children, his original four horseman, because of course Apocalypse has four horseman have you seen the man? He's not subtle.

So he inacted a plan to bring Arrako back, leading to the event X of Swords, where Arrako, taken by the demons they were fighting the amenth, planned to invade earth. Thankfully they pissed off Saturynyne, omniversal magistreix and registered asshole who turned it into a tournament arc: ten swordsman from each side, winner takes all.

Naturally this contest ran by a manevloent schemer from beyond dimensions and against demons had consequences: one of the mutants on our side, Gorgon, died, Doug Ramsey got married, and yes that was indeed a match, and storm killed the embodiment of death. Normal x-men stuff. I really don't have time to go over it all as it's 22 issues long. Not hyperbole. It's a decent if entirely bloated event.

The climax is what's important: the rules got broke, and while Xavier and Magneto's plan was to do nothing and hope it works out, sacrifcing the mutants they had trapped there, Cyclops and Jean grey said

Especially since their son Cable, a cool teen at the time, was in danger. So Cyclops gathered every mutant he could... aka PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE ON KRAKOA NOT ON THE QUIET COUNCIL to storm the gates, leading to an epic battle, and the freeing of Apocalpyse's wife genisis and his remaning kids. Apocalypse decided to have a family road trip across amenth as part of the deal, but in trade the x-men got Arakko back.

The problem was.. Arakko had just spent the last centuries fighting demons and living to eat, murder and conquest. So while Krakoa doubling size was a good thing on paper, as was the new mutants added, in practice it set off a massive political powder keg, with the Arakko mutants gleefully ransacking nearbye areas and refusing to not conquer. While the x-men were fine to inheret the earth once humanity burned itself out, the Arakko didn't want to wait. They needed somewhere to go.

So that dear friends and readers brings us to the gala itself a massive crossover event.. but a unique one. Every issue of every x-book intersected wtih the party of the summer, but only the four we're covering today were the big takeaway points. It was a fun crossover too, a way for all the books to intersect, while leaving the core trim enough to let someone just wanting the big takeaways to only have to pick up 4 books that month. I MIGHT do the rest another day but honestly besides saving kev a lot of money.. it just made more sense to just do the core storyline, to do the part you all came here for, and maybe do the other issues some other day. Thankfully future gala's are much smaller for next year and beyond.

So let's mosey on over shall we as the festivties begin.

Mauraders #24: The party kicks off naturally with Mauraders, the Hellfirecentric book. We open with Kitty, Sebastian and Emma all awaiting the guests. Emma is wearing one of three outfits she has for the night and all of mutantkind is wearing their finest.

Okay Kitty's wearing her finest, emma just has a giant cur cape with an x cut out, because her brand and what not, and a giant head piece that says NOTICE HOW RICH I AM, and Sebstian Shaw is dressed as some sort of war grandpa, wearing a suit LESS fancy than what he usually wears, but weirldy bedecked in tassles, with a fur cape and supervillian eyepatch. I mean the last part's on brand for him but all together it's just fucking weird even by the standards of this gala, held off the coast of two giant monsters.

So as Emma waits security, done by X-Force Krakoa's black ops division, lets in our first guests , fitting them with flowers so they can pass through the krakoan gates for the gala and any afterparties. The Krakoan Gates are giant flowery gates world wide that allow mutantkind to pass through them.. except kitty pryde due to how her powers work: since she goes THROUGH barriers, the thing kinda futzes out with her.

Our inaugral guests are naturally earth's mighteiest heroes, the avengers, consiting at the time of the Captain America (Steve Rogers), Iron Man (Tony Stark), Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers), Thor (Odinson), She Hulk, Ghost Rider (Robbie Reyes) and Blade. yes THAT blade. It's honestly a good roster I liked a lot, bringing things back to the classics while adding a few weird touches like Blade and Robbie. The run itself.. was hit and miss, paticuarlly having She Hulk as a regular hulk instead of her usual self, despite the previous run of her solo having finally gotten her out of that state.. for no clear reason really. It was just bad. Thankfully those dark times are over and the tv show's only made sure that won't be happening again. Tony flies in on his own, not trusting the tech and you know.. being kind of an asshole he has to make a bit "NOTICE ME EVERYONE" entrance. Also boarding are the world's greatest heroes, the Fantastic Four, along with their children Franklin and Valerea and The Thing's wife Alicia Masters. Things are a bit rockier between these groups so gather up people as it's time for EVEN MORE EXPOSITION

So since his introduction Franklin had been a mutant.. and since he and the team as a whole had come back in Dan Slott's run, his power had been shorting out. Krakoa, wanting to both help him and naturally add another powerful mutant to the pile, reached out, and unsuprisingly fighting insured between both sides, Reed Richards pulled a Richards and disabled his son's ablility to use the gates, Franklin ran away, ended up with Doctor Doom, and both sides settled things long enough to stop it. IT's a story I will likely cover some day and ended on a positve note: Franklin would alternate between both the baxter buildling and krakoa, while Xavier, not pleased reed had the kind of tech he did, erased the gate supression tech from his brain and told him to his face he'd done it, to tell reed "never again"

So naturally FF writer Dan Slott's reaction to this promising, engaging new status quo was to say "fuck it" and retcon that franklin just MADE HIMSELF into a mutant with his powers, once they were gone he wasn't one, and Xavier basically told him go the fuck away. It is one of the dumbest, most waasteful, egotistical, selfish moves i've seen in comics, doing this simply because you had to share idaes and plans with someone else. At the time of this writing it hasn't been undone, but I woudln't be suprised if current writer Ryan North or future writers undid this or at the very least found a good angle for it.

For now we do at least get this page.

I assume it was a smart, well thought out intellectual GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU OLD MAN. Also while i'll defend the cerebro helmet, I love the look and while the usual version wht the black jumpsuit is plain, it works for the story that's being told... this version is just.. what Iam I even looking at. The extra uncessary packs on his helmet, the gold and green, and then he has the fucking gall to say that to Franklin. I do like him bonding with Kitty, who the mini established was tight with the kind after the 80's era crossover where a younger frankllin talked a younger kitty out of unaliving herself. Another series to add to the pile.

So the party kicks off with a concert from Rhapsody, a forgotten mutant who sadly died during he one apperance in the first peter David Run of x-factor who can make people see things via music. By linking her up to some telepaths, the conert allows everyone present to participate.. except Doom whose naturally being a mopey pants about things. DOOM IS ALWAYS A MOPEY PANTS FOR HE IS DOOM!

The party then goes into full swing and we get some nice moments. ben, upon seeing a bunch of the marauders and an aim guy playing dice on a boat chastizes them.. for not telling him

While Cap and Doom have a stare down watched by celebrity guests Run the Jewels, two of my faviorite rappers in existance as a duo, Killer Mike and E-LP

Before Cap can close his eyes and count to fuck, Emma steps in to stop them, with Doom incensed at mutantkind for considering themselves superior, pot meet kettle, but we get a rare doom laugh , an da great joke when Emma, insiting the mutants haven't claimed earth..

So the party moves on. We get some specific plot beats for Mauraders itself i'll gloss over, some reunions of old friends as Northstar and Vindicator catch up, and Cap talking to his old aqunatince Henry Peter Gyrinch. For those who haven't heard of this douche... good. But since I brought him up Henry was Marvel Comics token asshole beurcrat: he was first introduced making the avengers job harder, tried to bring them to court over Scarlet Witch wanting to you know, leave, as is her right, was the head of the anti mutant witch hunts of the 80s, has joined several sense, and tried to deport all aliens on earth during Dark Reign. In short no one likes him, he's working with Orchis, the big bads of this era, surprising no one, and everyone everywhere celebrated when he died a few months after this. He's there to compare Krakoa to latveria and call steve an optimist for.. not assuming the Mutants are evil.

We also get one of the greatest scenes in comics as Emma oggles caps and plans to see america's ass up close.. only to read that she reminds him of his mother telepathically, horrifying her. Note that Cap's next solo run.. fully confirms that despite this, she STILL went for it and he was fine with it, his current girlfriend Sharon Carter being fine if he steps out as their apart for months at a time. It's cool. And yes folks, Cap has a mommy kink. And that is awesome.

We then get a nice scene of Emma gathering her staff including Jumbo Carnation, a mutant designer introduced to die during New X-Men and brought back here to do most of the fashions for this event, and Somilier, an expert mutant chef to thank them all.

Cue the fireworks.. which we'll get to shortly, but we see the reactions of everyone: All the bigots in attendence are rattled, as is Doctor Strange, who understandably needs to duck out to figure out what the hell this means, and Tony, who congradulates Cyclops on solving one problem.. but warns him he might of made an even bigger mess. But this being steve rogers he also ends his stern warning on "I just hope you know what you people are doing". He's worreid sure, they just conquered mars and knows what the backlash will be.. but he also is aware they likely know what their doing and as always has faith in the best in people.

Onto X-Men

X-Men #21

While the Hellfire Gala kicked off and continued a lot of exciting bits of the Krakoan Era it also marked a major ending: The final issue of Jonathan Hickman's ongoing X-Men title, with the previous one having set up his proper exit with Inferno later that year.

Hickman's X-Men was the flagship title for the books, a series of one to two issue stories that set up the world of Krakoa and showed off how this nation worked.

And naturally for the viewpoint character, Hickman picked the very first x-man and one of mutantkind's finest, Cyclops. Scotty needed the rub. Since AvX a chunk of X-Books had demonized him as some form of boogie man. While his killing of Charles xavier was shocking.. it was also while he was posssed by the phoenix force, and thus not in full control of his actions. Most characters.. blamed him for it anyway despite there being no logic and treated him as Magneto JR for the crimes of... saving mutants from racists trying to attack them and doing what he was doing. This was compounded by the aformentioned M-Pox era, which killed him off after he FINALLY got everyone's accpetance back.. and once again treated him like a villian for... destroying a cloud of terrgin mist that was killing his people.

He then got brought back from the dead after his teenage counterpart brought from the future, long story that.. but was plopped into that awful uncanny run.

Scotty needed a break, so thankfully Hickman took a special intrest in scott. It helped that with Xavier back and back allegedly doing the right thing, Scott could take a night off of being the leader of all of mutantkind and just enjoy having his dead wife back, a son that's not older with him and presumably regular threesomes with wolverine, who not only is ALSO dating Jean during this era, but lived in Scotts house on the moon. Also , Scott had a house on the moon.

With Hickman leaving though, Scott needed a new direction and Hickman set it up for him on his way out in the aftermath of x of swords. Scott, who was the leader of Krakoa's great captains (their security and people authorized to form a team for whatever threats face this sacred land), and Jean , who was on the quiet council rulling Krakoa, were both utterly fed up with the council's bullshits, from refusing to resurrect Scott's ex wives or any clones period, to sketchy rulings like the one in X of Swords. The two decided there had to be something outside them and that Krakoa still needed heroes.

See while the book was called x-men, Hickman cleverly got away with not actually having a formal team for his tenure. Scott and Jean stepped down to change that, founding a new team. The premise was genius: the team would last for one year in and out of universe, a tour of duty, and be picked entirely by Krakoa itself at the gala.

As a sweet bonus to this already great concept, Marvel left some of the voting up to real life: while most of the team was picked by incoming writer Gerry Duggan, the last member was left up to the fans, a tradition that carried onto the next to galas. In this case Polaris, longtime x-man, twice time x-factor leader, and daughter of magneto won.

We open issue 24 with a followup to something from House and Powers of X: During the mini when building Krakoa Xavier and Magneto approached Namor, prince of the deep, to join the nation. He refused as he had a powerful empire thanks.. and once again refuses when they approach him at the party. They control an island. he controls 75 of the oceans. Call him when you have something more to offer. This plot thread.. never really went anywhere, as Namor turned himself in at the end of Jason Aaron's run on avengers and Atlantis was a non factor by the time the latest gala ended in a bloodbath. We do get this outfit for my boy magneto

Unlike Charles who.. I sitll don't get what he's going for, Erik pulls it off. It also begs the question WHY charles wore his big ass helmet to the party. Max had a WAY cooler helemet that matched his outfit and went with a bitching top hat chuck, what's your excuse.

We then get right to the point: the X-Men vote. And how it's done.. is endlessly cool. Jean telepahtically reaches out to every mutant everywhere.. and the vote happens. The Human Torch is a bit confused... partly because he's not sure how his rap went down

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But mostly because he dosen't know what the heck their doing. Dr. Strange fills him in.

It's a truly awesome way to do it too: it not only left a nice hook for the series, as each person's pitch is shown over the course of Duggan's first year on the title, it's just a neat concept and way to do it. As for who made the cut...

This is such a cool page. I love it dearly. It helps the x-men picked for duty all got great gala outfits, from Rogues which resembles her first uniform, to Shrio's dope as hell suit and wearing his sunfire mask because why wouldn't you if your mask was that sweet, to synch's techincolor suit it's awesome.

So a breakdown of this roster for those less familiar with the x-men. Besides Cyclops, Jean and Rogue, who shoudlnt' need an intro, we have Wolverine, Laura Kinney, also known as X-23, wolverin'es female clone and certified badass, Sunfire, an arrogant frenemy of the x-men's with fire powers and a proud japanese heritage, the aformentioned polaris and Synch, a member of generation x, the 90's class of teenage x-men, recently ressurected after spending a thousand years in a vault. Long story. It's a stellar roster and while Duggan's first year on the book was rocky, it can't be denied this was a great choice for his first for the most part. My only gripe is a lack of diversity, with only two members of the team who aren't white. Otherwise it's a good selection.

So after this we get two pages of Sinsiter being a gossipy bitch before we get to the ending of this issue, a truly amazing scene with a bit of meta flare. A tad cheesy.. but the kind of cheese I like.

So after another cameo by Patton Oswalt, as seen by RTJ the gala had a lot of real life celbreity cameos thrown in, all approved by the people themselves, Kevin Fiege, head of marvel asks Scott a simple question

Is it a tad cheesy to have the head of marvel literally ask a character whose key to their next big franchise his story? Yes.. but I can't help but love it. It's just a fun way to have Cyclops give his story and given marvel comics actually exists in universe, it's not a stretch to say some form of the mcu does either, simply running on the same "offical authorized story" deal they have with most heroes, changing it up for ones whose id's aren't public.

Due to image limits and not wanting to overdue it, the speech stretches over two full pages, i'll have to due with quoting it. But it's one of my faviorite moments of this era so far, and it gets to the heart of who scott summers is NOW.. and just who he is.

"I was blind. Blind to how the world worked...and then I met a man who taught me to see—see how things really were. I loved him for it. And because I loved him—because I believed in him...and, in a way, worshipped him—I claimed things that he had faith in as my own. He called it his dream. It was a good one. But the world, you see—the waking world—were we all live...it is a killer of dreams. A destroyer of things you believe in. So when I grew older, I realized it was foolish to...deify him. Honestly, it's unfair to expect that kind of perfection from anyone. After all, we're all flawed and imperfect... There is no real difference between any of us. No matter how much we believe the lie that there is. You see, he wasn't a savior. He was just a man—a mutant—like me. And his dreams—which still make me smile to this day—are no more valid than anyone else's. Including mine. So what's my story? I'm a dreamer. I'm an X-Man."

Scott is the guy who belviies in Xavier's dream more than the man himself, and while he sidestepped it for a while, as the world wore him down.. he never truly gave up on it.. and he'll never stop fighting for it. So as Scott walks off Emma cues the fireworks.

Planet Size X-Men

So before I get into this one , some context: When this issue happened.. what the fireworks were.. was a suprise. It was kept deathly secret and the reactions seen in marauders were a tease the x-men had done something MASSIVE. While for our purposes here you know the twist I just wanted the context for readers that the x-men colonizing a whole damn planet.. was a massive well done suprise. IT's something this era does well: it hides spoilers VERY well and even when some info has to come out via solicits, it does a great job not telling us everything.

So we open the issue with the reveal of what their doing: The narration is a flashback to someone talking to Forge, the x-men's resident inventor, about IF what their about to do before our eyes is possible. And to start they need a ton of iron, and to plunge it into the planet, then get it nice and hot.

The first part.. is easy given the master of magnet is around and we get a lovely shot of Magneto hauling a giant meteor. This issue's done by Duggan with art by Pepe Laraz, who also did art for House of X and is a phenominal artist, so he not suprisingly knocks it out of the park here. Using the metal they open the planet and as forge puts it "perform open heart surgery" using a team of Hope and Vulcan, Scott Summer's youngest brother who has energy powers> They get it bubbly, Max stirs the sauce with his powers.. and next up is Iceman, who proudly announces himself to the party, whose all viewing this telepathically thanks to Emma Frost

We then flash back to a few days ago. Magneto TRIES to talk some sense into Iscaa the unbeaten, annoyed at the Arakkil shenanigans I mentioned before, but she's unmoved. As long as their of this planet, they'll act as they have and conquer. This likely gave Max the idea.

And his timing for it isn't bad as the Hellfire Trading Company have another problem: their suplies for the lifesaving drugs are running out. The X-Men were doing most of their production in the savage land, a land where dinosaurs never died out, but the super science golden girls stole most of it, so they REALLY need a new place for production. Mags asks to borrow Emma's spaceship.. and prepares his pitch.

The next day Cap and Cyclops talk at westchester, with Cyclops assuring Cap there's a solution to the arakko problem, which gets him to come to the gala. Max pitches his plan to the quiet council and it's a rare unanmous "YES".

Cut to the morning of the gala and while Mags has a lot of the pieces he needs.. he needs more. So he first goes to Jamie Braddock, brother of Bestsy (Formerly Psylocke now Captain Britan) and Brian (also Captain Britan), and half mad reality warper, who Mags convinces to help out. He also goes to Arakko and their own council happens to have three Omega Level Mutants (Mutants with no upper limit to their powers, something firmly defined in this era after being vauge for years on end), who fit the bill: Lacuta the Knower, Sobunar of the Depths, and Xilo the first defender of this broken land.

Back in present day Sobunar goes first: Sobunar contains an ENTIRE ocean within them, so they simply donate a little water and have jamie expand it into an ocean. Storm captalizes on this, using her powers to the strongest they've ever been to give the planet weather, giving the dead red planet wind for the first time.

Next up is Xilo, who.. tears off his head and combines with the land.. he's also a caterpillar. Because why not. With Elixer's help he restores life leaving the next step for the final member of our trio, Lacuta. Her power.. is knowing the precise location of everything. So using her , Jean Grey and exodus, a centuries old telepath bar NONE, shove the ENTIRETY of arakko through the external gate, a magical super krakoan gate, to mars.

WIth that Arakko is on here.. and Arakko itself, which like krakoa is alive, sighs happily at it's first bloodless victory in a long while. A diplomatic area is set up as is a memorial to honor those who could not make it

The downside of the review format is I really can't show you just how awe inspiring all this is. I do have images an dcan show you some of it but the compression here and how much this issue makes use of the full page makes it impossible to translate. It's why while my reviews are good on their own merit, they'll never be a subsitute for the media in question.

So after this Arakko needs it's own SWORD station. SWORD was once the space verison of SHIELD, but with SHIELD ending and Earth's own space branch, alpha flight, being laughably ineffective, former SWORD head Abigail brand went to mutantkind fo ra space program, resulting in their revivail. And since they need a base here, Jean and Quinten Quire, professional loveable scamp, implant the idea of one in his mind. Jean says she's making him pregnant with it.. and soon regrets her word choice

I... didn't doctor any of this. All of this actually happened. Jean Grey made a man pregnant with a space station. That's canon. That's part of this landmark in x-history. God bless you X-Slack, one and all.

Elixer has one last idea.. and this time it's just transmitted to prevent more of .. that... so Jamie gladly obliges, creating port promethus, a massive hub for all the space ships a comin. With that all of Krakoa is welcomed to..

With that we get some data pages, a bold announcment proclaming this the captial of our solar system, a person in the goverment reporting, and nasa being disapointed by mutantkind just anexing the planet but hoping they can visit.

And before we move on to the direct ramifications in story.. let's talk about those fireworks shall we? The Terraforming of Mars into Planet Arakko.. is one of the biggest, genius and insane swings i've seen in a comic. It's all perfectly built up too: from the beginning of this era i'ts been built up how much power omega mutants have, how much stronger krakoa can be it's ties to space via the shiar and brood. And over in SWORD, which had recently launched and will close out today's look at the gala, they subtly laid the seeds: SWORD had been further pushing the idea of a "mutant circuit", i.e. using a group of mutants in concert to do a task, the first being of course the five and SWORD having a circuit in it's first issue bring a super metal from beyond time and space. The idea of seeing just what mutants could do with their powers and a whole nation had been seeded... it's here it sprouts. In what's implied to be an hour at most, with the world watching, mutantkind terraformed a dead planet. While both terriotires had different goverments the fact remained mutantkind now had a PLANET.

It's also nice in that even if Krakoa as a nation tumbles into history... this is something that really CAN'T be easily undone: Mutantkind created a new planet stuffed with mutants, where alien dignitaries have visited, and that humankind will NEVER forget happened. Even if it all collapsed the sheer scope of it is something that can't help but have impact. It's the kind of status quo shift you could ONLY pull off in this era, with these characters, at this time, a perfect allinging of the planets... to let another be reborn.

It also has a lot of nice fallout that's still being felt: A whole book would end up dedicated to this new concept, X-Men Red, which is one of the best of this era and one of the best x-books period, and it's not even over yet. We'll likely look at that next year, or at least part of it, but the idea of this warbased society grappling with peace is fascinating as is humanity grappling with loosing one of it's biggest pieces of the sky. There's so much that's been done with this concept, so much more to do and it's one of my faviorite in the x-men's long history of awesome ideas and was brought about stunningly, with the issue being one long showstopper. They hyped the hell out of this one moment.. and man oh man did they deliver. All that's left.. is the afterparty.

S.W.O.R.D. #7

SWORD opens with Captain america, standing alone reflecting his thoughts. This opening is one of th emain reasons I wanted sword as part of this: this scene helpfully frames what happened from a human perspective, by showing how the best of us grapples with what just happened. And also DOOM, who'd tell you he was but you know DOOM. Cap decides to humor him this once and share his thoughts.. mostly because Victor points out they are both faces of their nations and the weird irony of that tickles our hero a bit. The speech that follows.. is gorgeous, showing that SWORD, and future x-men red, writer Al Ewing, one of my personal faviorite writers, REALLY gets cap. I mean he really gets pretty much any character he rights but still.

Cap relates the story of his waking up from the ice. How soon after.. he felt hopless, a shocking thing to hear from Captain I Can Do This All Day, but understandable: Everything he knew and loved was gone and he'd missed decades. Tony gave him hope by showing the moon landing, showing how much humanity achieved.. but got quiet when Steve asked where the colonies were... what had come NEXT. It's a sad statment on the fact we just kinda.. gave up on space after realizing it was too expensive to exploit.

I belivie in a better tommorow is a cap line up there with classics like "I'm loyal to nothing except the dream" and "No you move", and this scene is expertly done: it shows the two sided coin: Steve is well aware humanity kind of gave up on mars and other planets aside from mapping them, but still wishes they'd worked together.. instead of their next iteration swooping in and taking it all. It's the lovely double edged sword of this all: The Mutants had every right to do this: they had the power, the technology and the need. But it still means they took it for themselves and only themselves.

So while Cap muses about this and Doom heads off to do Doom stuff, we cut to SWORD"s station the Peak where director Abigail Brand, who nick fury wishes he could be, is explaning the situation to a council of galactic ambassadors from very marvel races and factions. Notable faces include Orbis Stellaris, who'd become VERY important soon enough, a guy named Riitho representing the interglactic empire of wakanda, a real thing that exists, long story I don't quite know to be honest, Smasher, former avenger, wife of x-man and former avenger Cannonball, and representive for longtime x-men space buddies the shiar, paibok the power skrull representing the kree skrull alliance and three of the guardians of the galaxy: Star Lord represnting his in comics half home of spartax, Noh Varr aka marvel boy represtning the Utopian Kree and Richard Rider , the man called nova representing earth. Ewing adopted Richie who'd come back from the dead but hadn't got a lot to do, making him a focal point of his run on Guardians and then bringing him over to X-Men Red after that.

Richie in paticular is nettled they didn't tell anyone, and while Frenzy, part of SWORD's security, points out he was kinda busy with guardains stuff.. he still has a point: While Krakoa coudln't afford to tell EVERYONE or someone would've tried to stop them, and they DID need this space... they didn't tell ANYONE they were doing this.

The rest of the delegates are ambivalent: For humanity , mutantkind terraforming a whole planet is a big whoop. And while the SPEED is impressive, terraforming a planet is pretty standard procedure for the empires present.

Thankfully Mutankind brought Abigail brand to the negotating table: she's lived in space her whole life, knows it better than earth, and her whole reason for restarting sword is that she's sick of earth being so ambiviliant and reactionary: they've been invaded COUNTLESS times.. yet the heroes wait. In the previously reviewed epilogue to empire/gay wedding of the century, she quit Alpha Flight entirley because head at the time Carol Danvers.. didn't think to consult her or anyone abotu the crisis and instead cried avengers assemble.

So she decides to take a page from the krakoan book with some space flair: like Krakoa, Arakko won't be recognized without something to give and since the healing plants aren't really a huge get, she has something more: Mysterium,. the metal they plucked from the white hot center of the omniverse.

It's a COOL as hell call back: why did they plunder time and space.. not because they could. .but to get the sol system a foot in the galactic door. See at the time of this run, something running out of Ewing's guardians run as Al ewing tends to use every book he writes to follow up on others, Ewing had the clever idea of the galactic community being in a pretty crappy place: after so many wars, sieges, and attempted conquests, they were battered and the economy suffered. Mysterium... is the answer. Expensive, as seen here super useful for space travel and recovery after all the nonsense the unvierse has been put through.. and a perfect Bribe. Abigail is upfront about it too: as I said this is the same as Krakoa using the drugs and Abby says that outright: a new currency to help the unvierse recover.. in exchange for recognition. Abby's logic is also flawless here: Earth.. has a ton of nations, their all squabbling and generally can't agree on how to treat their own people much less aliens. Arakko is one goverment and thus allows them to simply negotiate with them instead.

Naturally though for a confrence like this.. someone has to ask...

I said he had doom stuff to do.... I didn't say said stuff wasn't in this issue did I? Doom demands to know: who speaks for sol. Given how Victor is, tyranicall and very personality based, he demands an audience with it's rule: who is it's king. Who is it's monarch. And naturally for this story... the answer is badass as hell. It's also the answer every X-Men fan predicted, but it's no less awesome

It's a perfect choice: Storm really hadn't done much in this era up to this point... but in interviews HIckman and others constantly said they had more plans for her and "great stuff coming up". This is the payoff: Storm is once again a queen... and a perfect fit. She's peaceful enough to lead the arakkil in a new direction.. but she's still storm. It's part of what makes Orroro such a great character: she can be gentle, kind and fair.. but god help you if you think you can win a fight with her. And given Roro now has to deal with both a planet of warmongers AND various galactic empires ready to try to exploit this, not to mention eventually Abigail herself trying to exploit this for her own ends, a LOT of people are going to need god's help.

This conversation continues into the next issue, but for our story, the end is not on the grand new red planet.. but back on Krakoa. Magneto is quitely having a drink to himself.. and has a guest.

So one last bit of backstory for this run, for the non comic guys in the audience, hi kevin and such: In the comics Wanda, during a mental breakdown after being manpulated by her own brother, depowered all but 200 of mutantkind. Give or take obviously because comics, but still most were left powerless thanks to her. Wanda DID do her best to atone once she returned much later, helping restore mutantkind.. but instead of undrestanding she wasn't in her right headspace, no one thought "hey let's get her a threapist instead of try to kill her".. no really that was the storyline. Bendis I swear.

Anyway, instead Mutantkind turned her into the boogeyman

Yes a bogeyman, "The PRetender" as it was later revealed she wasn't a mutant because marvel didn't have rights to them at the time. And while I do wish this era had turned her back into one.. the directoin they went was clever.. and this scene is part of it. Wanda comes to her once thought to be bio dad: she skipped the party because well.. she knows what they say and the pretender can't sit at the throne.

Magneto's response? one of the best moment's in the characters history and clear proof of why Ewing was given the character for X-Men Red not long after

It's a heartbreaking well done speech.. and honestly an angle for helping undo the hasty unparenting of Magneto I never considered: Keeping Wanda not a mutant.. but having Magnus still consider her his child. Have him realize after buildling paradise.. that he'd been a pretty crappy father to her, even if he turned out not to be his dad, how he wasn't much better to his biological daughter Lorna. and That even if she's seen as the pretender.. that Wanda is his kid and deserves better. It's also a nice aseop: that you don't NEED to be biologically related ot be family. She's his daughter. End of dicussion. And he will fix this

The how ended up being convoluted, but did result in Wanda going from the pretender, to the redeemer by setting up the waiting room, a way to bring back mutants who didn't have an imprint in cerebro. It's a touching end to this story.. I mean granted the story ACTUALLY ends with magneto suspected of her murder, but it'ts not where we're ending

The Hellfire Gala is one of my faviorite comics events. IT's a unique take on one: instead of a big fight or a big crisis.. it's just a party. It still has all the gravitas and after effects: Wanda's very temporary death leading to her excellent new era under Steve Orlando, the start of Magneto's character arc for X-Men red, a whole new setting with vast ramifications, a new team, and lots of other smaller setups. It's no suprise they did it again the next two years. It's a story packed with both the fun breezy character moment's you'd expect like Emma discovering steve's mommy kink or RTJ getting ready to watch doom fight steve all day, or gambling time, and the big stuff needed to justify it being an event, all organically threaded from here.

We'll no doubt return to krakoa and I already have plans to return to the x-men next year. For now though... we've reached the end of x-men month. As we enter spooky season.. thank you for reading, my x-men.

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gumbxz · 2 years

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steve harrington x ex!friend reader

🔆🔆🔆🔆

reader has some resentment from basically being ditched from steve, around the time when they just started freshmen year, which steve is completely oblivious about and has no idea of doing that. which makes him confused and he tries to apologizes to reader abt it haha ,, season 5 concept maybe- reader helps stevie with some problems and tags along with the squad to help kill vecna 😼

genre// angst hurt/comfort(?)

reader is also um….afro latina bc i said so haha (i love morenas ong….)))

🔆🔆🔆🔆

steve harrington. king steve is what most of the high school jerks would call him. practically kissing his ass just because of how much of a cool dude he is for being a total dick. i have to say it but glamorizing big huge dicks like steve sure was the fun of all things

steve harrington and (y/n) (l/n) we’re and unluckily pair. never to be seen before in highschool. because no one knew. even steve the “hair” harrington forgot about it.

middle school was where the two of you were a pair that couldn’t ever be separated. no matter what happened, it was unlike you two to be torn apart. steve would always treat me like a friend. someone that he could talk to and vent about his parents to. i of course listened, because it’s what he would’ve done for me. middle school was where our problems slowly started.

to be fair—i’ve always loved steve. yes. the beautify dark skinned girl from the quiet town set in no-where in indiana. was inlove. with the popular cool rich kid steve harrington. every single girl that would pass by the pair in middle school would always talk badly about them.

“why is steve with her? i bet she smells terrible.”

“she’s so hairy on her arms.”

“i bet she’s only friends with him for his money.”

those were the things kids in hawkins middle school would say about you two. but steve didn’t care, and neither did you. you were too busy focusing on what type of activities you’d both do after school.

my parents loved steve. maybe more then me at some point. steve really preferred coming over your house because of how much your mother would spoil him. telling him to eat nearly the entire dinner when he was so close to throwing up.

steve’s parents however. they didn’t really like me that much. and i’m not surprised. it’s the 80s what more could they expect. brown girls weren’t really common in indiana. you’d be lucky to even be in a neighborhood full of good people.

some nights you’d stay and sleepover at steve’s house. his parents trusted him to that extent. but his father was still concerned about what you might do.

one night. you heard steve’s father whispering about you to steve’s mom. the door to steve’s room was open just a little. a small crack of light entering the dark room. steve had a bunkbed and called dips on the top bunk before you could make a choice. but you didn’t mind, it beats sleeping on the floor like most sleepovers you’ve had.

as you rest, you over hear the conversation his parents share about you.

“steve is going to get himself mixed with those people. he’s already friends with one of them. i bet she’s doing this for money..or..or drugs!” his father said in a hushed tone

“don’t say that now. she’s a good girl. and she treats our stevie so well. why would she do that.”

“i can tell the way she looks around the house. it’s almost like she’s planning something. have you seen the news, honey? those damn colombians and mexicans…”

“that’s enough out of you. she’s a child! and our son has trust in her. so trust the decision our son makes.”

his mother finished and it got quiet for a moment before the light shut off. you could only stay and think about the things they said. it’s nothing you haven’t heard of before. but it was a different pain. it made you overthink, and maybe it was best that this should be your last time sleeping here every again. you’re clearly not welcome. that was the longest you’ve stayed crying in bed.

as soon as you both finished middle school and started your freshmen year. the two of you began to lose touch. of one another.

“steve! where were you? i thought we were gonna go watch superman together.”

steve shut his locker and turned to look at you. he looked like shit. he definitely went to some party and got drunk.

“huh? superman huh. shit- i-i forgot. something came up and my friends wanted to like.. hang out.”

“but. you were the on that planned the whole hang out? ..and you chickened out on your own plan?”

“well i’m sorry. i had better stuff to do.”

“better stuff to do? wow. i see how it is. i bet that better stuff was getting your knob wet.”

you began walking away. unbelievable. was all you could think of. steve grabs your arm and stops you from walking away from the situation.

“hey hey. that’s not what happened. we just- drank is all—no girls.”

“no girls my ass. we’re they pretty at least? i bet they were the perfect things you’ve ever seen, huh.”

“what the hells your problem? look, just because i hang out with different people, doesn’t make it the end of the world, alright? i’m still friends with you.”

“are you really? or are you starting to catch on to the things your “pals” are saying about me.”

“what are you talking about?”

“i see the way you look at me. you look at me with disgust. it’s different now, it’s like you can’t stand being associated with me.”

he shook his head and rested both his hand on his forehead and let out a deep breath.

“and what if thats what it was about? what if they’re right. what if you are just a druggie from out of town trying to get close to me just to take my money?”

everyone was watching all of this unfold, whispering and gossiping about you. you couldn’t believe him. the only real friend you ever had said these things about you. and you trusted him. all your life. for it to only mean nothing.

“you know what. i thought you were different from the racist assholes in this town. clearly i’m wrong. you’re the same as them. and to think.. that you actually cared about me. to think steve would see me the same way he sees any other “normal” girl.”

you stayed strong. trying your best to stay strong and have that small self respect keep you alive. steve had nothing to say. there was nothing to say. and from that day on. the two of you haven’t said a thing. you wouldn’t even bat an eye. even when you’ve reached your junior year. steve looks at you with regret, not knowing what else to say to you when he sees you. you don’t care. at least you pretend you don’t care, but inside you miss that same boy.

you missed that boy that would wait after school to walk you home after getting extra work done in your class. you missed that boy that would stick up for you and take a few punches for you. you missed that boy that would share his lunch with you when you brought nothing. you missed steve harrington.

(present time now ^_^ !)

steve needed your help. you were a genius. of course he needed your help. but you were really doing this for the cute weird kids of hawkins.

“so everything you’ve faced against was in dnd?”

“yeah! kind of..” dustin finished

“well.. why don’t you try to think of what might happen next? didn’t nancy say a big red monster was gonna attack hawkins or something?”

“yeah.” the boys said in unison.

“so why don’t you research on your dnd thing and maybe plan ahead, this game clearly has a relation to all the shit you’ve been facing. it only makes sense. you just need a head start.”

after you finished. everyone seem to have caught on and began scrambling through your entire nerd collection. the only one that couldn’t seem to be looking for clues and relations to this thing was no other then.. steve.

he took this chance to speak to you in private. whispering to you and asking to talk to you in a more.. quiet place.

you shut the door to your room quietly and stand against the hallway wall and glared at him while looks at you with those soft brown eyes.

“so what’s up?”

“look (y/n), i wanna say. thank you. thank you for helping us. even if it isn’t major- it seems to be getting us through it, especially during this time—“

“—no problem. is there anything else you wanna say?”

he took a deep breath and moved a strand of hair from his face aside.

“i did some pretty cruel shit to you in our freshman year. i put gum in your hair. i called you names which were just awful. i was really immature. but after some maturing, i realized how awful i was. and how bad i treated you which you didn’t deserve since everything about you was never true. we’ve been through so much before, and i don’t ever want to put you through that again. and i’m sorry.”

“i appreciate the apology, stevie. just one thing, i don’t forgive you.”

“but i said i was sorry?”

“yeah, and i don’t forgive you. people can change and stuff but, you can’t change the pain that was left there. you don’t understand betrayal and heart break. because that never happened to you, because you had friends. and i didn’t.”

“that’s the thing- i understand you now because i’ve been through the same thing too.”

“no! you don’t understand. you don’t know what it’s like to have loved someone secretly. to only have your heart and soul be stabbed and lied to.”

you realized what you said and quickly stopped talking and looked away, trying to cover your face.

“wait wait wait. you- you love me? all this time?”

“no. i don’t. i shouldn’t. you don’t deserve to be loved by me, what you did to me is unforgivable. and i hate you for it.”

he tries holding you, stoping you from cowering away from him.

“that’s okay if you hate me. i’d hate me too if i that happened to me. but, i’m sorry. i really am. but i’ve struggled trying to find what i wanted. to maybe look to other girls that could fit that piece that i wanted. to realize, you’re all i ever wanted. all i could ever need.”

you were flabbergasted, you really were. you couldn’t help but realize your tears were running over your cheek, and down your chin.

“i always loved playing mommy and daddy when we were kids. it always felt like..like the real feeling. the feeling i’ve always dreamed of having. but it’s stupid. it’s stupid knowing that i couldn’t have that. it was stupid of me for thinking i could ever have a chance with someone, knowing that i was different and not..perfect.”

“(y/n). you being yourself is what’s perfect to me. you opening up to me right now is just- wow. i never thought you’d have it in you. don’t think i’d ever leave you because i- i wanna stay. i’m gonna stay with you.”

“you’re not- you’re not gonna leave me? you don’t think i look different?”

“you look perfect. just as perfect as the day i lost you.”

you were crying. your inner child is resting easy now. being held against steve- your first love, was all you could ask for.

his lips kissed the top of your head, holding you tightly against his chest, the only thing you could hear was his soft breathing and heart beating. everything was perfect. your body fit so well against his.. it’s almost as if. you were made for him, as he was made for you.

it may have been the end of the world maybe but, you’re happy to at least have short moments sharing it with steve harrington. you felt distracted, but it was a good distraction. right now you didn’t have a care in the world of what people might think of you. or what people might think of the two of you.

(edit: changed the song to this bc it just fit hehe..)

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #afro latina reader #stranger things #stranger things scenarios #stranger things s5 #steve harrington angst #friends to more #Spotify

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gunsli-01 · 1 year

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Alright, let's get this set up in a somewhat digestible format. While also testing the waters. For people looking for more Mikoto info in particular this has some stuff on him within it but mostly gives a clearer idea on my experience with Milgram so far. Along with me being slightly unhinged. Soooo...woohoo...

Here's the set up. The next post will be the beginning of an in depth analysis of the two Celtic spreads found in MeMe. We will not only be analyzing them but delving into visual spin Mikoto put on the classic tarot cards with some insights his changes to them give us on his character.

There are two sets of ten cards. The first post on this will go over the first five cards in the first spread the second will finish off the first and give an overall interpretation of the reading. Then the same will be done with spread two. After we finish that then I’ll be attempting to break down the series of murders shown throughout MeMe.

Lastly, and my favorite part. We’ll finally be going over Mikoto’s character as a whole. Along with me just generally getting to talk about him without putting him beneath a microscope. Which I haven't gotten to do in weeks and still can't cause I'm stuck in tarot hell.

For those who don't read all of this and skip straight to the tarot I at least want to highlight and reiterate one part from here:

The point of Milgram is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to having their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

So, here's post 1. I will link the beginning of the tarot interpretation here when it's up.

So, when I started writing what has to be the longest character analysis essay, I've ever written... I remember in December when I was like yeah I can crank out a few pages on Mikoto it won't be that difficult I can get this done by new years. I've already gone through the tarot once too what's a second time typed up gonna do? Maybe even before Mu's song.

I was wrong. But back when I was young, hopeful, well rested, and happier. I wrote something of a Preface. Just to explain all of my biases up front and let people form an opinion on if they wanted to take anything I said on this seriously or not. What comes after this part is that Preface.

Okay, so this is going to probably seem insane, but I might as well get it out of the way just to break in the new year putting my best foot forward. Yes, this is my best foot forward. Now Mikoto has a lot of diehard fans and detractors for some reason…How can such a normal guy be so controversial? Really unlucky… Honestly. Because of his popularity I’m a bit nervous to put out anything on him even though he is my favorite. Believe it or not I can get shy when talking about things I genuinely like a lot because I don’t know how it’ll be perceived, and I can get very, very critical when I like something.

It is not a normal like situation. It doesn’t go I like you; you could do anything, and I wouldn’t care. It goes OH, YOU UNLUCKY BASTARD! YOU’VE CAUGHT MY ATTENTION I SHALL NOW EXPOSE YOU TO THE WORLD! IF ANYTHING, BAD HAPPENS TO YOU IT IS LIABLE TO BE BY MY HAND! I well wade through the façade to find the truth I’m seeking knowledge, I’m seeking your identity, I want to dive deeper.

Don’t misunderstand- It’s just natural to want to know everything about the person you like and get all torn up inside because you never can. That’s just love isn’t it~ Ahh it’s an incredibly damning feeling that love, the idea of soulmates all that trite nonsense. Because when people aggrandize others, they usually end up wanting to pull them down to their level. That sort of sadistic thing is just as much a part of love. The adult world is so cruel that way.

As such I’m going to do my very best to tear this man to shreds lovingly, okay?

So, let’s start with some context did I love Mikoto immediately? Was I like innocent he just has to be? He’s just so good looking he can’t fail, lol. Okay, to be honest when I got here, I thought Kazui was so good-looking cause of his broad shoulders that when watching Undercover and seeing the flash throughs with Star I went that’s Kazui I know those shoulders anywhere. Got damn he looks like he gives good hugs those shoulders…

Also, I like sorry cowards my apologies for the disappointment but when I saw Mikoto in MeMe I willfully ignored him. I had a visceral response to his song telling Star I hated it and never wanted to see him or hear it again. While also going he clearly killed three people… in an obviously premeditated way as well. So, yeah guilty. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m just not interested I’ll leave that to the people who are.

I came in around Amane’s first trial… Soooo I very much could’ve voted on Mikoto, but I just did not want to look at him at all. Actually, I still don’t know why that was, but he made me uncomfortable and annoyed. Despite his video involving multiple things I very much love baths, tarot cards, clouds, water, records, baseball bats… Hell even his song was a genre of music I’m partial too. Like jeez in retrospect I really don’t know.

I just did not want to even think about him, so I didn’t. That changed when YouTube recommended me an English cover of his first song, and I was like now hold on… Those Sisters You Know really did a good job on that lyrics wise. Like it just hit different okay. I was listening to that cover every day having first job flashbacks and wondering huh why did I hate this guy again this is a complete mood actually.

After that I fell into an over analyzing loop for several months. Before I had pulled a nothing to see here and once we do that my brain just deletes the information since it’s been deemed irrelevant. Incredibly convenient skill to have. Yet, as it piqued my interest music wise, I was like well hold on…I have to know everything about this specifically now. Something that none of the Milgram characters had managed to achieve at that point.

To an extent I was pretty much like there’s nothing to see here at all when I was dragged into Milgram by Star. She showed me Mahiru’s first trial song like I really just want you to see this one and my immediate response was, “Are you trying to say something about me?!” We’ve been partners for years and this is what you lob at me what are you getting at? To which she had to dryly explain no I just think she’s neat and you love mystery things and putting together stuff so I wanted your opinion on what you think is going on here.

Then I got a rundown of the situation and was like ah okay. Then went through one through six giving all my thoughts on what they did and how I would’ve voted if I was there as she explained the results. I was surprised to hear from Star that none of the things I was saying to her had come up in the fandom as far as she saw.

As Star showed me Milgram my experience was basically

Weakness: Guilty. Committed murder for attention. Next.

Later down the line I asked Star about the reasoning behind Haruka’s trial one Innocent Verdict. It was after we watched Bring It On and she told me about Futa’s verdict. I needed to understand why Haruka was voted Innocent/Forgiven but Futa was not. Weirdly long before Futa asked us that same question in Back Draft. Why did Haruka of all people get a pass when we see him kill directly? That was the first thing that piqued my interest.

However, I was pretty disappointed by the answer Star provided and maybe to some people this will seem like a reduction of the actual reason behind prevailing consensus. Yet, what I gathered from her explanation was that he was voted innocent due to Autism. Particularly, people assuming he had a learning disability the most speculated one being Autism. Now, my response to this information was to go, um…that’s ableist right? Like, just because it’s helpful to him in this circumstance does not mean ableism isn’t present.

That’s just infantilizing and belittling his intelligence. Having a learning disability doesn’t suddenly exempt a person from knowing murder is wrong. It’s the same as using a person’s age as an excuse. Made even funnier that Haruka is treated more like a child than the literal child is. So…it’s not like that interpretation is that far off or difficult to get to. Plus, do people even critically engage with who benefits from these sorts of excuses and when they’re extended?

Because they aren’t applied indiscriminately. A perfect example of this in Japanese media in particular comes from something else Star and I were watching when she recommended Milgram. Higurashi Sotsu and the character Satoko a lot of people in that fandom got angry and found the concept that Satoko would become a villain all because she had a difficult time studying insane. Like she should have just studied harder ignoring everything else that occurred in Gou and Sotsu up until that point.

Even some going as far as creating a completely different reason for her actions. Because having trouble focusing, studying, and being ostracized in a new environment after being taken away from the people and things that brought you comfort weren’t good enough reasons. Ryukushi-07 also has a tendency to write about neurodivergent coded characters like Maria in Umineko and Satoko herself can be considered coded that way through sotsu and gou. The excuse extended to Haruka in trial one was definitely not extended to her by the Higurashi fandom.

So, it’s not surprising that same courtesy was retracted in trial 2. Sorry, to rain on your parade but disabled people of color from any minority group are not extended those same benefits of the doubt and rarely have their impairments or age taken into consideration if they even reach a trial. So, this is when I went oh well people are gonna people glad to see some things still haven’t changed. This is what Milgram’s bias looks like. It’s almost a perfect reflection of the performatively politically correct space we live under today and highlights the pervasive biases that continue to disenfranchise many that go overlooked.

All we’re missing is overt ableism, racism, and sexism disguised as feminism and we’d have everything that’s wrong with performative morality. (Star just informed me one of these things is just Yuno.) So, my interest was piqued around here but mostly from a sociological standpoint.

Yet, I was mostly ticked off. Media is supposed to be a form of escapism for many people and I found a lot of the issues that people usually use media to escape from pulled to the forefront in Milgram through its voting system. I came in and was like this series probably isn’t saying a damn thing special. Reluctantly after telling Star I wouldn’t watch it multiple times because well I was a mad at her and she kept asking. I had every reason to hate this series given what was going on around our relationship at the time she presented it to me and didn’t really think taking something lightly could end up saying a great deal about society as whole.

Umblical: Guilty. It was clear to me from the very first video that she attempted to entrap someone in a relationship through the use of a pregnancy then committed murder when that failed. Possibly multiple times.

Later, Star told me people assumed she got an abortion. Because the woman that was clearly in a sector of sex work knew nothing about contraception. That and she may have had family issues. I said oh so they thought she was stupid. That’s insulting and then people continued to think she was stupid. So, some things never change but my opinion of her did. She’s the only person here with a consistent character and seems to be incredibly considerate but not hesitant to go after the things she wants by any means necessary. I find that endearing and respectable and really wish she’d get a 50/50 since regardless of what she did I respect her want for us not to give our opinion on it.

It’s only polite to shut up and say nothing when no one asked you to speak. Yuno not only never asked us to speak but openly asked us not to. Her character description even states she dislikes being psychoanalyzed. She sort of reminds me of Kotono Kashiwaba from Caligula Effect but I can’t really figure out why yet. I haven’t finished the game at this point and right now we’re only up to Ike-P but I just get that feeling.

Bring It On: Innocent due to lack of information. I haven’t seen a murder. I don’t know what happened here. Having a flop Twitter account and making callouts is not murder or a crime at all. So, innocent. Then Star tells me the actual outcome and the reasoning behind it and this is when I start to get a bit heated.

Basically, went what do you mean guilty on the grounds of his actions allegedly leading to someone taking their own life??? Because they were just involved in someone’s death. It doesn’t say they directly caused them to die which means indirect involvement is on the table. Ha, ha, oh my fucking god that’s rich considering the dude that clearly killed a dog and a child was given a pass. Did that with his whole chest but he’s good. Alright, alright… I literally went back and pointed out all the kills Haruka was directly responsible for in his first mv going but this was passable. At that point don’t even try to justify it just say you don’t like Futa that’s less insulting.

Like I discussed in the part on Weakness I found this way of thinking inherently unfair. The benefit of the doubt and consideration extended to Haruka was completely absent for Futa. A lot of people want to say this is because he didn’t appear sorry. But, what gives others the right to decide when someone is really sorry or not. Futa’s entire voice drama goes into how you can’t tell how someone is feeling or what they’re thinking based on how they behave outwardly alone and that’s all anyone did when it came to him.

Not many people extended that same courtesy or empathy. They didn’t attempt to look deeper because no one cared to and that’s sad. Start didn’t see anyone go hey that’s clearly a kid with anxiety who’s attempting to garner validation through social media possibly due to a lack of external validation in his actual life. Something tackled in the writer’s previous game Caligula Effect Overdose with the character Naruko Morita. Who does the same sort of things Futa does if not worse. Because she literally outs a trans person on social media, takes pictures of people without their knowledge, and looks up someone work application to then go oh they’re not as good looking in real life let’s tell their fans so they no longer like this musician.

Like these are things she does repeatedly throughout the game. She is a terrible person and in the game she’s your teammate. She has a social link and reasons for the way she behaves. She’s obnoxious, annoying, egotistic, inconsiderate, a snoop, has an aversion to criticism, low self-esteem, and is easily dissuaded from doing things she enjoys if it’s not immediately praised or faced with scrutiny.

She goes out to eat popular limited time items at shops just to post food reviews about it after one bite. She doesn’t even post her own opinion on it at times but instead goes by reviews others have left already while giving a little bit of a different perspective but not really. Then if you say no to her being on the team because she basically airs out your entire organization on social media for likes, so everyone now knows who you are, what you look like, your name and all of your teammates information you’re treated like the heartless asshole.

Hm, it’s like she doxed you and it has real life repercussions and makes your life harder. It continues to make the lives of everyone she does this to harder and in instances is retraumatizing for many of them. All I’m saying is if you play this game and end up liking her but still hate Futa then you don’t dislike doxing you just hate men. Point blank. At which point I hope you enjoy Ayana.

After Pain: Guilty, I didn’t and still do not believe she’s sorry. Plus, the person she killed was uninvolved. When Star told me she was voted Innocent. Well, I couldn’t really say I was surprised given certain universal truths but- When she explained it was because people were saying it’s because she’s clearly a lesbian and that person she stabbed told everyone she was which led to her bullying.

I kind of went well isn’t that sort of justifying someone getting murdered or in blunter terms just victim blaming. Even if the victim did do that which I’m doubtful of that does not justify murder. Like people really immediately went we trust Mu she’s a victim now what did this clearly evil girl do to deserve to get stabbed, huh?! I found that kind of odd, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking that about me or anyone I love if they were murdered. Plus, given the circumstances I grew up under it’s very common to see that sort of mindset pushed on specific types of victims of brutal crimes. Just saying; it’s really not interrogated often enough who the whole what did they do to deserve it mentality benefits and hurts.

Ultimately, I found the whole concept kind of cruel. However, I guess as we’ve learned Es is the sort of Guard that abhors a person doing something that may have inadvertently led to someone taking their own life more than very purposefully taking someone else’s life with your own two hands. Taking into consideration the response seen in the English speaking part of the fandom this mindset is showcased twice throughout the first trial with the only noticeable outlier being Kazui.

Throw Down: Guilty he asked to be voted that and I respected it. Also, he was organ harvesting from his patients. Like what? Innocent is this some reverse psychology nonsense well okay at least he already feels bad.

This is how to be in love with you: Innocent due to lack of information. I can’t punish someone for something I do not understand I genuinely don’t know what she did. I assume she poisoned someone since she works as a florist, cooks, and mentioned herbal remedies. However, I just knew too little at the time.

What do you mean they thought she was so clingy her partner committed suicide, so she was voted guilty? I’m sorry so what I’m understanding is stabbing a woman in cold blood is okay but indirectly causing someone to end their life through social error is a irredeemable sin? That last girl stabbed another one purposely and that first guy killed a dog and kid-

Half: Guilty but also- That dudes incredibly good looking and has nice broad shoulders that is certainly an impressive physical build look at him in that uniform- Hears the song oh my god he’s an emotionally unavailable and dishonest coward too just my type! Guilty I know in my heart what he did was fucked up but got damn I’m hoping it’s fucked up at this point- not me literally getting chills at the let’s make it victim and assailant line in Cat like boy howdy don’t say such things oh no. Is this how people feel when Yuno says Come Marco I’ll Polo?

It certainly doesn’t help that Kazui’s demeanor and communication habits remind me a lot of Star and I end up feeling a little bad for him but slightly want to watch him squirm as well. Truly, it’s the emotionally unavailable quiet ones you gotta be careful with. They have such intense emotions but they hold them back to the point they can’t express them and then the right person pushes and boom it’s like a pistol accidentally discharging. People who bottle up their emotions like that for as long as it seems he has well when they blow a gasket it’s like a volcano and I want to be in lava range.

Innocent I- well I’m fine with this you saw that up there you know why I'm fine with it we don't have to talk about it but like why??? Because they believe he’s gay and was in a very loveless and performative marriage while also assuming his actions just led to his partner committing suicide or an accidental death. Wait why is that okay here but with the other two it’s not… It’s cause he’s hot and seemingly pathetic ain’t it? Lol, that dude is not as weak as he presents but have fun with that when it comes up I suppose. Good liar my ass...

Magic: Guilty even asked Star to vote on it. So, I was made aware of how to vote at this time. This was not because I want her to be punished but I didn’t believe anything could be solved through agreeing with her and I honestly don’t think agreeing with her will solve anything now either, but it will maybe stop her from getting jumped. Maybe? Though I’m unsure about that because Kotoko has jumped people who were pardoned before sooo... That and Amane told us not to treat her like a child.

I believe it’s a bit unfair or shortsighted of her to ask us to respect her agency in her own life, that she chose to make these decisions, and yet at the same time ask to not be held accountable for them if we feel her behavior was wrong because she answers to a higher power. Her mindset on her killing and being considered a murderer highlight her immaturity to me. Those aren’t two separate things but childishly and stubbornly she attests that they are. Being an adult is recognizing that regardless of if you had a good reason, or a higher law you abide by other adults don’t need to care about those things when judging you they can just objectively judge the actions you took. It truly is that simple. To me it just seems like she didn’t really know what she was asking for when she said that. Like she equates being an adult with gaining respect but it's more than just that.

Amane’s situation really reminds me of that song by Maaya Sakamoto More than Words, particularly these lines, “Isn’t freedom painful? I’ve become an adult, haven’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? I’m now alone, aren’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? Endlessly so…” Because a lot about being an adult is being able to stand on your own by the decisions you choose. The respect you get from others is fickle at best and never really equates to understanding or empathy. In a way as we age, we become more and more emotionally isolated when it comes to social communication and consideration. Because the patience and consideration that is frequently extended to children is not given to adults since they’re meant to know better by then and not need that sort of care.

Adults have the freedom to make their own choices and have that agency recognized. However, many times that agency we yearned for so badly is weaponized against us in small and insidious ways. Causing adults to become more emotionally closed off, socially defensive, or calculating. An adult would never ask to have their choices looked at while taking into account that they chose to do those things they’d simply tell the person accusing them to figure out why they did it or take into consideration their circumstances. Not pull a don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. They would know that their main focus should be endearing themselves by any means necessary like Mu attempts to do or lean on their legal rights.

So, I really feel like Amane was her own worse advocate during trial one and it ended up biting her in the butt. Also, another song that I feel properly exemplifies that feeling of emotional isolation one faces with age but isn’t as somber I think is “Love I need” by The Living Tombstone.

MeMe: Abstained due to a vague sense of hatred. I literally told Star to never show this to me again and not to bring him up I don’t have an opinion, I don’t care, I’m glad that’s over was my immediate reaction to MeMe. [Star: She said that she didn’t like the song, him as a character, and it was obvious that he committed several murders. So, there was nothing left to look into.] Afterwards I promptly deleted the information from memory until finding that cover song.

Harrow: Guilty she literally did the same thing Futa did just in a more direct way. She also seemed to jump people who had already been put on trial and had a decision on their actions handed down. Even openly said apologizing meant nothing. I’d rather give a pass to the person who says just say sorry then the one who goes lol it doesn’t matter if you try to make amends now no second chances ever once a bad guy always a bad guy.

I put all this to show that even before I was actively posting Milgram stuff on here. I did have opinions on all this that have only developed over time. As much as I came out swinging in the oh I really like Mikoto camp. I really did not want to see this dudes face when I first saw him. Like I feel as though I’m being a bit of a broken record. I said the same with Haruka. Yet, with Mikoto there was a bit of hatred there. Like a knee-jerk reaction that I couldn’t even pinpoint and didn’t want to interact with. Something, I still don’t really have an explanation for.

Even still before this I was spending months talking to Star over the phone sifting through the music videos reading the conversations and literally burning out all my investigative skills on it. Something I believe she knew I’d do when she brought it to my attention and asked, “What do you think happened here?”

Now here I am trying to churn out an entire essay on the guy. Certain characters can grow on you. However, with Milgram there’s this feeling that such a fondness like that can be broken. The point is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to have their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

I feel like being shut off, isolated or just stubborn about one’s own opinion is unfair to the social experiment aspect Milgram is trying to pursue. That’s just me personally. I really hope that by the end of this there is interesting data collected. We can vote any way we want at the end of the day. Not everyone has to take into consideration what the characters did or how bad it is objectively.

Yet, for people to trick themselves into believing the vote doesn’t matter, this is all in good fun, and no one will be held accountable for the outcome in any way is negligent and blatant denial. The verdicts have a direct impact on the sort of place Milgram is currently and could become. It's a direct reflection of the will of the fanbase. If we vote a certain way the creators take that into consideration. They seem to not just take the winning verdict into consideration but pay attention to responses from both sides overall. They’re paying attention. So, it’s incredibly short sighted to assume our collective judgement regardless of how you vote or if you chose not to doesn’t reflect on the entire fanbase in some way.

I’m not saying this to be a Debby Downer or go really interrogate why you’re voting this way. I’m saying all this to get one point across if you’re going to vote seeped in bias the least you can do is express what those biases are in your own unique way. That’s what will make this all the more fun for everyone. I don’t care if you choose to vote guilty, innocent, or abstain, but at least vocalize why that is. Especially for people choosing to abstain since that’s more difficult to gauge since it is just not an option and the closest thing to abstaining would be attempting to get a fifty/fifty.

I know not everyone is willing to be that out there with their feelings and that sort of thing isn’t fun for everyone. Though even just discussing it privately with friends, people you trust and feel comfortable around is enough. All I want personally is for people regardless of how or why they vote to look at these characters for what they are and give them the opportunity to surprise you outside of your personal opinions like with actual people. All these characters will probably disappoint someone at a point but I feel like if you keep a healthy sense of realism and treat them in an unidealized way that will help in not causing resentments towards the series or the people who work on it down the line.

Some of these resentments are already present in the fandom and being used to create a reflection of the writer that could be wholly inaccurate. Personally, I don’t find that sort of approach to be fun or fair. However, it very well could be to some. Yet, at times I find it incredibly disheartening to see. My hopes in writing all of this and thoroughly attempting to analyze my fluctuating feelings on Mikoto may tackle why that is in some way. Even if the problem isn’t firmly rooted within the interpretations around his character but extends to the entire cast.

Though it’s like Jackalope said he certainly did cause a bit of trouble.

I hope this has been a good prelude of what’s to come and helped whoever may have read this far better understand my personal perspective on Milgram. This post didn’t focus on Mikoto as heavily as I would have wished but served to properly build an understanding of what one may be getting into when it comes to my analysis of his character.

I hope by displaying my biases and feelings on all the characters that one can decide whether reading what comes after this is for them or not. Regardless of if you continue to read or go back to this post from the ones that precede it, I appreciate you reading my ramblings.

#milgram #kayano mikoto #yes it's in parts i'm sorry

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kellyvela · 2 years

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Do you think the seasons of my love song corresponds to Jon's love interests?

Autumn: Ygritte

Winter: Daenerys

Summer: Val

Spring: maybe Sansa

Maybe its kind of a bait and switch Sansa is linked to flowers a lot, so maybe shes representative of the spring maid. I thought also maybe they represent sort of the stages of Jon's story and life.

Ygritte is like the autumn of Jon's childhood, she signifies the end of his ignorance.

Val is like the summer of Jon's life where he could get everything hes wanted and perfectly, but of course it never happens in his case.

Dany is like his winter because shes beautiful but deadly and tied to destruction.

Leaving Sansa to be like the spring in his life.

Idk. Thoughts?

To be honest, I don't associate the song with Jon. I know is a popular theory because Ygritte, Val and Dany's hair. But Jon only knows the first two girls, not Dany, at least not yet. And I really don't consider Ygritte, Val and Dany as Jon's "love interests."

Ygritte was an abuser, someone too violent, a scorned lover that physically hurt Jon. Val is dubious, she is still asking Jon if he killed her ex lover Jarl and she thinks Shireen must be killed because of her greyscale, and finally Dany who is in route to become the bad boy of the story. I don't want any of that for Jon.

Out of the three, only Ygritte was Jon's lover, but their relationship was abusive, he was her captive, she was older, more experienced and she blackmailed him to have sex. So there is some kind of Stockholm Syndrome there.

Jon thinks Val is beautiful, but that doesn't mean he has feelings or desire for her. Sansa also said that Renly "was the handsomest man Sansa had ever set eyes upon" (A Game of Thrones - Sansa I), and she wasn't head over feet for him.... Acknowledging someone's beauty doesn't mean having a love interest in that person. Will Jon and Val hook up? I don't know and I don't think so, but I could also be wrong....

And aunt Dany is still in another continent, they don't know each other and I can't imagine the kind of things Jon will hear about his aunty and her campaign in Essos before meeting her.... Will Jon and aunty hook up? So far the so called romance of the story it's just a theory....

OK, back to The Seasons of My Love now. The song's lyrics mostly appears in Tyrion's chapters, and once in Catelyn's, but never in Jon's.

Thanks to Tyrion we know most of the lyrics, the verses about Summer (linked with Tysha and later with Shae, both dark haired, and even with Cersei, a famous blonde), and Winter (linked with Shae while wearing a silvery robe):

He resumed his whistling. "Do you know this song?" he asked. "You hear it here and there, in inns and whorehouses." "Myrish. 'The Seasons of My Love.' Sweet and sad, if you understand the words. The first girl I ever bedded used to sing it, and I've never been able to put it out of my head." —A Game of Thrones - Tyrion VI

Through the door came the soft sound of the high harp, mingled with a trilling of pipes. The singer's voice was muffled by the thick walls, yet Tyrion knew the verse. I loved a maid as fair as summer, he remembered, with sunlight in her hair . . . —A Clash of Kings - Tyrion VI

Is this the Cersei that Jaime sees? When she smiled, you saw how beautiful she was, truly. I loved a maid as fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair. He almost felt sorry for poisoning her. —A Clash of Kings - Tyrion VI

Shae stood in the door behind him, dressed in the silvery robe he'd given her. I loved a maid as white as winter, with moonglow in her hair. —A Clash of Kings - Tyrion X

They would kiss for hours, and spend whole days doing no more than lolling in bed, listening to the waves, and touching each other. Her body was a wonder to him, and she seemed to find delight in his. Sometimes she would sing to him. I loved a maid as fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair. "I love you, Tyrion," she would whisper before they went to sleep at night. "I love your lips. I love your voice, and the words you say to me, and how you treat me gentle. I love your face." —A Clash of Kings - Tyrion XV

I had my own love once, and we had a song as well." I loved a maid as fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair. He bid Ser Loras a good evening and went on his way. —A Storm of Swords - Tyrion II

Moon, moonlight, pale and silvery are words associated with Val and Dany's hair, but Tyrion thinks about the Winter verses when seeing a dark haired Shae wearing a silvery robe.

Tysha and Shae are both dark haired but when Tyrion thinks of them he remembers the Summer/Sunlight hair verses.

Until now, the hair color of the girls Tyrion supposedly loved did not match the verses of the song. The only time the girl's hair color matches the verses is when Lancel sings the Summer/Sunlight verses to Cersei, during one of Tyrion's chapters.

Now, thanks to Catelyn we know the verses about Autumn:

After a time the candle guttered and went out. Moonlight slanted between the slats of the shutters, laying pale silvery bars across her father's face. She could hear the soft whisper of his labored breathing, the endless rush of waters, the faint chords of some love song drifting up from the yard, so sad and sweet. "I loved a maid as red as autumn," Rymund sang, "with sunset in her hair." —A Clash of Kings - Catelyn VII

Although the words "moonlight," "pale," and "silvery" appears in the same paragraph, Catelyn didn't remember the Winter verses, like Tyrion did with Shae and her silvery robe. Catelyn remember the Autumn verses and I suspect it is because her own auburn hair. So we could say that Auburn hair is the one associated with Autumn, they even sound very similar.

Catelyn and Sansa are also linked with Tyrion, who expressed sexual desire for both of them and he even married Sansa. Now that I think about it, Tyrion even expressed his wish to rape Cersei, so all these girls and women (Tysha, Shae, Cersei, Catelyn and Sansa) are somehow associated with this song and Tyrion's sexual desires....

From that group of women, Jon knows blonde Queen Cersei and auburn haired Catelyn and Sansa.

And about Sansa, she has a lighter shade of auburn hair, so maybe she could be associated with Dawn, in contrast to the Sunset, the same way Summer/Sunlight is in contrast to Winter/Moonlight. And this reminds me of something Renly said about Margaery (brown haired):

The Knight of Flowers, they call him. Now there's a son any man would be proud to own to. Last tourney, he dumped the Kingslayer on his golden rump, you ought to have seen the look on Cersei's face. I laughed till my sides hurt. Renly says he has this sister, a maid of fourteen, lovely as a dawn …" —A Game of Thrones - Eddard VII

Uhmmm.... A maid of fourteen, lovely as dawn... This is very interesting.

Sansa is not only associated with flowers (Spring/Persephone), but also with Dawn. And there will be a second Battle for the Dawn to put an end to the Long Night (Winter), and Spring comes after Winter. So Dawn and Spring are also linked here.... This is very interesting indeed, despite that I don't associate the song with Jon.

Sorry if this is not the answer you were waiting for, but it's an honest one.

#anon asks #sansa stark #jon snow #tyrion lannister #the seasons of my love

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your-sweet-cookie · 1 year

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Can you list the romantic and/or sexual relationships with other muses and tell us something about about why are you shipping with them and how does this relationship look like? :)

Message from Mun: I can't really tell if this is an ask addressed to Kukki or to me, her Mun, but since it revolves around shipping and some ships are with Muses for the same character, it would get messy jumbling all universes together by having Kukki answer, so I'll do it instead.

Truth be told, contrary to "popular belief" (aka what the haters were going on about eating poo poo), Kukki doesn't really have that many romantic/sexual ships. Most of her interactions are strictly platonic friendships (with some fun teasing sprinkled here and there), so if anyone wants to know more about these too, you can let me know. In total I think Kukki has so far only 4 actual romantic ships (some being sexual too), and unsurprisingly, 3 of them are Niragis. Here they are:

@niragixpsych's Niragi - This was Kukki's first ever ship and interaction, so it will always hold a very special place in my heart (along with the amazing Mun coordinating the blog, whom will always be one of my bestest friends I'll love forever, so shoutout to you my dear friend! You guys should definitely go check out their blog and shower them with all the love they deserve!❤). This ship started as a friendship between Kukki and Niragi and they slowly started to develop into a romantic relationship as they spent more and more time together, discovering they had a shitton of stuff in common and that they understood and accepted each other for who they are, and based on the timeline a thread is written in (pre or after their first time), it's also a sexual relationship. I love this ship because the interactions between the two Muses feel always natural and very involved, you can literally tell how much Kukki loves Niragi and how much he loves her back from the simplest of things and if I were to choose a few words to describe this ship, it would be: fluff, softness, cuteness, passion, spice, devotion, loyalty, sweetness and of course, true love.

@niragisugurusan's Niragi - This is one of the more sexually oriented ships Kukki has so far, but there are also some cute romantic moments scattered here and there. It's a ship that started clearly based on the lust and desire they both felt for one another (especially on Niragi's part), most of their interactions being straight out intense flirting that built up that good sexual tension moment, but over time it grew into something special and sweet because Kukki awoke in him that long lost feeling of love, which Niragi thought he would never be capable to feel ever again. And I think that's what makes this ship beautiful: the fact that it shows how two broken people can heal each other through love and understanding and even if they have their ups and downs (I won't deny it's one of the more 'rocky' ships Kukki has), they always come back to each other in the end. And yeah, I feel that this ship shows the best and most of Kukki's abilities at 'taming' a Niragi, since she made even the most deranged and lustful of them all develop a soft and romantic side. Can't wait to see where it'll take them next.

@triggerhappymilitant's Niragi - The last of Kukki's Niragi ships and also the newest of them all, but still a really nice ship. This one is still in its early stages, but I highly enjoy how it's developing so far. It's clearly more on the playful, teasy side, somewhere in between romantic and sexual, and this more playful vibe it's what sets it apart from the other too. It's not entirely sugary-sweet romantic like Kukki's first Niragi ship, but neither very lust and sexual oriented as her ship with the horndog. I'd say it's reminiscing of these romantic relationships between two very close and good friends teasing and poking fun at each other, but that's also showing that they care deeply and have feelings for one another, so it's not just friendship. Definitely the best word to describe this ship is the word "fun", since it's laid back and entertaining. So yeah, I am looking forward to discovering what'll await them next (plus, as mentioned above, they're still in their beginning stages, they barely had their first kiss(es) and they are yet to actually confess to one another, so there's definitely much more to discover ahead! :D Also, the Mun is yet another very amazing and great person whom I love, so def give them and their Niragi a chance and go send them asks and love! X3).

And finally, @hoodedchishiya's Chishiya - The only non-Niragi romantic relationship Kukki has so far. Well, this one is definitely the odds one out and not only because it's not a Niragi ship, but because it had... A weird history! Let me tell you, this one's the craziest ship of all the ones mentioned so far and that's one of the things I love about it! It's definitely a ship that follows the enemies to lovers pattern to a T, because it started with Kukki loathing Chishiya for his snarky, rude and cynical sense of humor (ah, the banters they had on the fact that she kept calling him a shorty shortcake! Sooo good! 😂), but they've slowly started to grow more familiar to one another and I guess they began to have a thing for one another (okay, on Chishiya's behalf it was probably much sooner because he became a hopeless cookies junkie and he can't live without Kukki's homemade cookies any longer). And yeah, now they seem to actually love each other or something like that... Although they really keep on teasing each other a ton and Kukki seems to want to turn Chishiya into a... house cat?! for some odd unknown reason... Yeah, it's a crackish kind of romantic ship, it's funky, it's crazy, it's hilarious, I love it! 🤣

And there you have it! All of Kukki's romantic and/or sexual ships. There might be another candidate to our silver-haired baker master's hand coming from the OCs side of the community, but things are yet too early and too unclear to determine whether or not it'll turn into something official or not (it might as well stay a platonic friendship in the end), we'll see.

#ooc interactions #facts about kukki #ask mun #post from mun

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cnwilks · 5 months

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A little unsolicited advice

I posted this article on my Facebook page in 2020, and it has been shared several times. I've grown accustomed to my posting activity being regarded with great indifference, so it was a pleasant surprise. Here's the full post, preserved for posterity, with some bad grammar fixed.

***

One of my high school classmates made a post last night about buying his teenage daughter her first guitar as a Christmas gift, and might not fully realize what a great gift that it truly is. Here's a little unsolicited advice as my gift to you as we approach the holiday season. Kind of a novel, but it's a subject of great personal importance:

1. Don't buy an instrument at a pawn shop. It used to be a good place to buy musical instruments before the internet, but now they will charge you close to full retail. And people desperate enough to pawn their musical instruments rarely buy quality gear.

2. You get what you pay for(ish). To that point, even if you can afford a really expensive instrument, don't buy one for your children until they've earned it. Most name-brand manufacturers (Fender, DW, Pearl, Ibanez, Zildjian, Sabian) make highly affordable entry-level instruments that are fine to start with and still useful when you get more experienced. If you can only remember one brand name, remember that Yamaha makes almost every instrument, and the cheapest Yamaha anything is incredible. Don't waste your money on off-brand starter sets they sell at Best Buy and other retailers. It will only save you a little, and you won't have a "real" instrument manufactured with pride by a company that doesn't make anything else. My Fender acoustic is the cheapest one they sell, but I wouldn't be remotely embarrassed to hand it to Eric Clapton if he insisted on entertaining my dinner party guests. It sure wouldn't be the first time someone played one of my guitars better than me. On jam night, Tony W Costello Reed played my Classical guitar once, and I said, "Oh, so that's how it's supposed to sound!"

3. Buy your instrument in a music store, preferably locally owned. You'll get a better price ordering online, but you won't get to pick things up and try them out (and most will match online prices in-store, even from a competitor). The people who work in those stores are barely functional at best in all of the areas that count, but they know everything about the gear they sell and want it all. Listen to them.

4. Hold your kids accountable. Music is a "get to" and not a "got to," but much more enjoyable if done well and approached as a craft. They should have fun but also spend time on the stuff that's not fun until it is. You can learn to play G, C, and D on guitar in seconds and theoretically play 80% of all popular music ever written. But you must play each one millions of times to truly learn them. Learning a new instrument sucks at first, and it's hard to stay motivated. That's why your kids need to commit to a reasonable amount of time practicing (or engaging in music-related activity) each day and stick with it no matter what. 5-10 minutes is enough. They can and should play more each day, but never less. There will be days when they absolutely can't bear the thought of practicing. Those are the days to get a cloth and wipe down their instrument, change their strings, organize their sheet music folder, download the tab for a new song, or watch a tutorial. Even listening to a song counts as practice. There will come a day when they won't be able to put their instrument down, but most people have years of complete suck in them before they can even really start learning. I had been in the middle school band for over two years before I got my first drum set, and it was a year and a half before I could get all four limbs to work together. That's why discipline is so important. They're learning a craft and have to put the reps in. Jimi sucked once too.

5. Music should never be used or taken away as punishment. When your kids inevitably ground themselves, make them clean your gutters and take away their cell phones. But they should never be denied access to their instrument or any other means of creative expression under any circumstances. There are plenty of things that you can take away that they will miss much more, but you should always encourage them to express their anger through song and other constructive ways. Or, better yet, employ reverse psychology. Tell them that it would really piss you off if they were to write a funny song about what squares that you and your spouse are and turn their mediocre rap talent into a smash hit TV show, a tremendous film career, Scientology, and a drop dead gorgeous wife who publicly rationalizes cheating on you on talk shows. They'll love their guitar or keyboard more than playing Pokemon or Among Us if they think they're using it to rebel against you, and the only drawback is that your kids' friends might think you're lame. But they already do. And you are. And that's okay. You gave up trying to be cool long ago, and they will, too, one day. But parenting means letting them feel good about themselves for a little bit until life beats them down.

6. Be patient as they learn. My parents clearly didn't find my drums as fascinating as I did, but they provided them and always let me play them as loudly as I wanted. They just turned up the TV while I was practicing and could do so to my heart's content until 10:00. It clearly didn't break their hearts when we moved band practice over to the Babb compound for a while, but I now realize that it was merely enough to tolerate us. You're going to hear sounds that can only be compared to sacks of drowning kittens and hyenas being simultaneously castrated and skinned alive for a very long time. The paint is going to peel off your walls, and your plants are going to die. You will pine for the sounds of your neighbor's leaf blower on some days. Your home will likely be visited by hordes of looking youth carrying additional noisemakers, that they will play badly as a group, and several more who will be there to watch them. They're going to park piece of shit cars in front of your house, and you're going to spend the GDP of a developing country on Cokes and Doritos. But it's all part of a bigger plan. Children who learn music tend to pursue more education and maintain more of a global focus. They tend to be around more interesting people. The skills translate to other things and lead to a more well-rounded kid. They will be much more sensitive, confident, compassionate, and better decision-makers. Buying them instruments now will mean that they will vote for the right candidates, climb the career ladder, and eventually choose a better nursing home for you.

Finally, do not ever hesitate to ask the musicians in your life for help or be afraid to inconvenience them. They are dying to share their expertise with you and your kids. I've always got your back on anything drum-related, and know enough to be dangerous about most other instruments. Even if I don't like you, I won't let you get ripped off.

#music #musical instruments

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redphlox · 3 years

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Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

#dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha #bnha meta #my meta #endeavor

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kirisaki-daichi-scenarios · 2 years

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of loathing and love | yandere!wakamatsu kousuke x reader x yandere!imayoshi shouichi

for the three(! boy these two are popular) anons who requested imayoshi + wakamatsu combined. i kinda blended your asks together in this so i hope y'all still like it :D wakamatsu is always fun to write

also, for anon who wrote a long long time ago "Thank you for writing that Wakamatsu piece! He's my absolute favorite Character and seeing you write him made me smile so bad <33 (and gotta admit now I can't stop thinking about it...I hope you'll write for him again at some point<3)", this is partially for you. you deserve all the wakamatsu fics in the world <3

the aforementioned wakamatsu piece can be found here

Wakamatsu really does try.

He knows you don’t like it when he grows irate; he knows it’s irrational to get upset by you spending time with friends; he knows it’s stupid to allow his anger to escalate to yells and slammed doors. He dreams of a day where his instinct to intimidate, that has served him so well on the court, would remember its place when he’s talking to you, so he could stand by your side as an equal rather than a menacing presence that brings you nothing but suffering.

Whenever the fury rises, he counts to ten to calm it down as best as he can. He bites down on his tongue till it bleeds to refrain from a cutting remark that will make you cry. He punches stone walls until his knuckles are purple, all for the sake of getting some self control. Not taking his emotions out on you.

He really fucking hates when you cry.

He hates it even more when it’s because of him.

But Imayoshi’s got a way with words. Like a wizard, he can raise the waves of Wakamatsu’s madness until they’re a tsunami headed straight for you. Whenever he rests an arm on Wakamatsu’s shoulder, smiles that calculating smile, and turns to whisper in the blonde’s ear, Wakamatsu knows it’s too late. He can only pray that maybe this time it won’t be so bad. That Imayoshi’s words (of how you’re going to abandon them both, how you’ve never loved them, and“can’t you see the loathing in their eyes?”) will be weaker this time. Easier to defend against.

Except Imayoshi is only getting stronger, his taunts ever the more potent. Every single time without fail he sets Wakamatsu off.

In his nightmares, Wakamatsu rewatches these scenes over and over again. Himself raging and dangerous; you, cowering in the corner of the room, sobbing with fear, as Imayoshi holds you against his chest, hiding you from the beast in such a way that you can’t see the grin spreading across his face as he watches his junior. The aftermath: where Wakamatsu desperately tries to get your attention to apologise as you squirm, on high alert for an escape route, hoping to appease him through a quiet “I forgive you” even though all three of you can tell that you don’t mean it.

If only, thinks Wakamatsu, you would realise that both of you are pawns in Imayoshi’s grand game, where he entertains himself with the suffering of the people he claims to care about the most. If only you knew how, when he’s seething, he can barely breathe, and the way he sees red everywhere makes him nauseous.

All Wakamatsu wants is to bring back the feeling of puppy love. He misses the days before the three of you got so close, when the relationship was no more than that of manager and teammates, when you were happy to tease him and goof around with him whilst Imayoshi chuckled and played along. The days when he went to sleep, warm inside with the feeling of a youthful crush. Now all he has is anger, bitterness and sorrow.

And this will never change, not while Imayoshi remains omniscient and ever-present, the devil hidden in your shadow. Yet what can Wakamatsu do but grin and bear it? It’s too late now; you would never choose him over Imayoshi, especially not with Imayoshi purring warnings in your ear. Imayoshi’s just too powerful, too full of darkness and wisdom for Wakamatsu to ever be able to win against him. Manipulating the strands of the evil within Wakamatsu is child’s play to him.

Wakamatsu was always a flawed man - who isn’t? - but Imayoshi has made once innocent imperfections lethal. All that’s left is to hope that one day you will understand that he tried with all his heart to bring you joy.

He has tried his very best.

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hotdamnhunnam · 3 years

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I Wanna Be Your Slave

A/N: Here’s the next requested fic from my Dirty Little Secret – Super Kinky List! In which you and Jax are locked in a cellar and he ties you to a whipping post and whips your ass lol. Master/slave roleplay but in this fic (unlike some of my other Kinkfest fics...) Jax is actually a good guy not an absolute asshole. Title is inspired by the Måneskin song at the below link! **Please note the warnings: This fic is all about the kinks, please do not read if this is not your thing!!**

Pairing: Jax Teller x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, rough sex, light choking, degradation, dom!Jax, bondage, master/slave kink, spanking, whipping Request: This Dirty Little Secret request (anon)

Word Count: ~3.8k

Note: As explained in this post, this ‘Dirty Little Secret’ series consists of fics that I had originally written for another character/celebrity, which I’m repurposing for characters of Charlie! So if the characterization ever seems a little off please don’t judge me too harshly 🙂 ALSO note that this fic is just straight up shitty – I wrote most of it years ago without giving a fuck and am not bothering with improving the quality, I sort of used to rhyme back then but not consistently so it’s a shitshow really, I’m just shoving Jax into the setup for this fic with zero context literally, and I realize that the kinks in this fic are totally not mainstream and super filthy, so for once it’s really refreshing that I’m not gonna be sitting around hoping that people will shower my writing with praises or that this fic will explode in popularity 🙃

**Please note warnings above**

Triggering content after ‘Keep reading’ cut…

***************

You're trapped in a cellar.

With Jax Fucking Teller.

There's a whole fucking story behind how the two of you got here—some shit involving stolen guns, some rival gang that hates the Sons, your father being all politically significant and powerful enough that you're now being held as ransom—and honestly you should be crippled with fear. But this tall blonde bastard is so fucking handsome. You've been crushing on him for years. And nothing else matters right now when you're so fucking horny for him that you're damn near to tears.

He looks and smells goddamn divine. You know that's not the kind of thought that should be running through your mind. Not here, stricken with fear for your safety. It's crazy. But losing yourself in desire for Jax just feels... fucking unreal. So damn good. Better than it should. It's comforting, or something. Dangerously comforting. In his presence, you don't even care if it doesn't make sense.

Ever since you got stuck in this mess, you've been clinging to him in the darkness. Clutching his flannel-clad arms in a tight grasp which quickly turns into a desperate caress. Through the cloth you can feel the incredible bulge of his biceps and God it's just...

"It's okay, darlin'," he says. Shifts to give you the comfort you crave as you bury your face in his broad sculpted chest. Presence warming and calming. Even after what's happened this morning, you somehow feel safe in the arms of the crown prince of Charming. It's totally fucked to be honest. "Hey, I'll get us out of this. Promise."

The silent answer in your head is beyond shameless. But here with your cheek pressed against his firm pecs... shuddering in bliss as you breathe in his mouthwatering manly essence... flooding between your legs, 'cause he is pure fucking sex... you could honestly just live and die in this man's godlike presence. You bite your tongue to fight the shit you really want to say, keeping it back. Please don't, Jax... don't get us out of this—I want to stay...

Neither of you has any clue yet that you're bound to serve Jax Teller in this cellar as his filthy little slave today.

With one hand still gripping his strong upper arm you reach up with the other, wrapping it over his leather-bound shoulder, clasping at the back of his neck and clinging to his strong sturdy body like ivy to brick. You can feel a faint layer of sweat on his neck that you're instantly dying to lick.

Your senses are reeling. Here, with him as you give voice to a wild irrational fear, you can't deny that dread isn't the only thing you're feeling. You'll take life-threatening danger if it comes with the reward of you and Jax fucking. "... are they gonna sell us as sex slaves or something?"

The hottest sound you've ever heard bursts softly from his throat. It's low and quiet, caught between a breathy laugh and breathless groan. You bite down on your lip then to stifle your own slutty moan. His bright blue eyes meet yours and you can feel the heat burning beneath, and from the way his tongue traces along the edges of his teeth, you can tell the answer to your question is no.

That's not the answer you want, though. It's precious that Jax doesn't already know. Some part of him probably does but hell if it won't take a little more for him to let it show.

You're gonna give him more than just a little more.

With a bat of your lashes, your flirtiest dirtiest smile flashes; you drop to your knees before him like a whore.

"Oh f—" he mutter, too shocked to even utter the full curse, sapphire eyes wide in wonder, "what are..."

"Practice," you purr as you lick your lips, eager hands framing his hips. "If I'm gonna be a sex slave then I think I should practice performing... service..."

Jax sucks in a sharp hiss as you bury your face in the crotch of his jeans, massaging his dick through the denim with your doting mouth till he's harder than he's ever been.

"Practice makes... perfect, doesn't it?" you say as you savor the smell and the feel of his meat. Good enough to eat. "Though you already are, Jax. Every inch of you is perfect. That's a hard fucking fact."

Jax throws his head back, huge cock throbbing with a luscious twitch. "Son of a bitch..."

"Mmm, make me your bitch, Jax. Please. I wanna be your slave. Serve you in every way. It's what the slut inside me needs... and craves..." you shamelessly confess as your hands set to work on his fly to unleash the glory of Jax Teller. "Nothing else even matters today. We're here now all alone together, in this shady little cellar..."

When his cock springs free you could swear that this piece of meat is your entire life's purpose. All set to be worshiped and serviced, because his delicious existence demands and deserves it. He's so. Fucking. Perfect.

You gaze up at his gorgeous face as you melt in his presence, and finish your sentence. "... so let's make it fucking worth it."

***************

The first order you take from Jax Teller, as he finally falls into his role as your master right here in this cellar... is to get your filthy hands off of his dick. You are not to touch it till you've fucking earned it. Like a dog, like the bitch that you are, he tells you to just sit.

To stay down on your knees and to not move an inch, not even turn your head as he strides toward the far wall behind you, brutally keeping his beautiful self beyond your field of vision for a minute.

You bite your lip, listening to the footsteps and movements that he won't let you witness. Rustling noises. You hope that he's stripping off his stupid clothes. That when you see him next, he'll be towering over you gorgeously naked.

And God yes, he is, when he returns at last to stand before his bitch. You groan in sheer bliss as your awestruck eyes try to take in every last flawless inch of his smooth, glowing skin. There is just... too much perfection. You couldn't even process the divine glory of Jax in a whole damn lifetime, let alone one split second.

Hypnotized though you are by him, your gaze then shifts to notice what he's holding, and... holy shit. Apparently he hadn't gone to the far wall just to undress.

He had taken stock of the supplies and other items stored down in this shady cellar and he has returned bearing gifts: a coil of rope, long and thick, and a wicked-looking leather whip.

"Like what you see, huh?" he taunts, no doubt referring to both his new toys and his nude body, especially his dick. "Kinky little bitch. Now get up and strip."

"Yes, Master," you blurt out, rising to your feet, hastening to obey his order.

"Bad slave. You are not to speak until I say you can," Jax commands, taking a deliberate step toward you. With both rope and whip clutched in one fist, he reaches to cup your chin with his other hand. "Do you fucking understand?"

Fighting your burning urge to scream yes sir, somehow you keep your lips sealed and just nod your head.

Jax's blazing blue gaze devours your face as his fingers descend to frame your jawbone, then to close around your throat. "That's a good slut. Keep that dirty mouth shut. Or else you're gonna suffer some serious punishment."

Fuck—hearing him talk like this, while he strangles your neck in his dominant fist, is too much. You've become a trembling mess beneath his touch.

"Mmm, look at you shaking. Desperate piece of shit. I'm starting to think that maybe punishment…" he whispers in your ear as he tightens his grip around your neck, "...is what you fucking want."

Oh God, your inner voice grunts, struggling not to say it aloud. In the most painfully perfect way, the fact that he's choking you now actually makes it easier to stay silent.

His husky growl and twisted words are sending waves of pleasure through your body, hitting all the spots you never knew you had and soaking up your cunt.

"Yeah, you're begging for it. Already ignoring your master's orders. Disobedient bitch," he scoffs, shoving you up against a nearby wall, his every movement rough and quick. "Didn't I tell you to strip?"

Before you can even manage to nod at him, still just staring, Jax's hand drops from your neck down to the fabric of the fancy buttoned cardigan you're wearing. Your daddy is rich, so you typically dress like a spoiled little bitch.

"Need me to show you how to do it? You that fucking stupid?" he sneers, suddenly yanking it off you with just a few effortless jerks of his wrist. "Now take off the rest. And then go stand against that beam. Hands on the wood, head down, with your ass facing me."

Jax steps away, sharp blue glare dark and daunting as he watches his slave scurry to obey. In a matter of seconds, your clothes and shoes have been flung off, and you practically throw yourself against the wooden beam, grabbing the jagged surface desperately, wincing as the splinters graze your fingers. Even that sharp little sting feels good, because this is what Jax wanted.

You keep your head bent low, bowed submissively per your master's orders, breathing shallow as you feel his presence coming toward you from behind, steady and slow. A gasp slips past your throat when you feel his calloused hands upon your wrists, binding your hands to the beam with the thick, heavy rope. The knots securing you in place are strong and tight, expertly tied. This must not be his first time doing this, you realize, beyond turned on by his well-practiced dominance. By just what a masterful master he is.

"Mmm. You look so fucking pretty like this," he rasps, leaning over your body with his massive cock grinding into your ass, sliding against the crack so that you can feel the tip of it, swollen and wet, hovering over the small of your back. One of his hands tugs at your hair, arching your neck backward a bit as his lips attack the soft skin of your throat in a harsh, biting kiss. "Beautiful baby girl, all bound up naked and aching to be punished. You gonna take it? Good and hard, just like the slave you know you are? Gonna be a good little bitch?"

His hot mouth teases at the corner of your lips, knowing how badly you want to kiss him, to taste him, fucking torturing you with it. Though his firm grip on your hair is anchoring your head right where he pleases, you're sure that he can feel the way you struggle now to bob it up and down, to give him your wholehearted yes.

"Yeah, that's it. Ever done this before, you dirty whore? This sweet ass ever taken a beating?"

You're not quite sure how to answer that—certain guys from your past have given your ass a few smacks, here and there, when you asked... but you don't know if that kind of thing really counts as a beating. The dynamic with them was never nearly as brutal and degrading. And they had only ever used their hands; no toys or torture instruments.

"Can't even answer the question? Dumb little bitch," Jax snickers as his face moves away from your neck, standing to his full height behind you, then stepping back so that his dick is no longer brushing against your crack, leaving you feeling emptier than ever at his absence. "Not that it matters. 'Cause I'm sure you ain't ever been beaten like this."

Ohhh shit, you think, inhaling through your teeth with a loud hiss as you feel the first soft touch of leather on your skin, his wicked fucking whip. For now he is just devilishly teasing you with it, tracing lines down your back with the tip.

"This what you want, slut? Gonna need to hear you beg for it," he orders, his other hand still tangled in your hair, pulling your skull more sharply back. "Go on. Open that filthy fucking mouth and tell me what you want."

"Thank you, Master," you whimper, letting all your shameless words fall out. "I want you. God, I want you to beat me. Hurt me. Please. I want pain, if it will bring you pleasure, sir. I want my punishment."

"Mmmmn," Jax growls, clearly incredibly aroused, and you could seriously cum just from that sound. "Bet you do, bitch. Let's see just how bad you want it, huh? See how wet you've gotten. Needy little cunt."

You've already been dripping now, for more minutes than you can count. The next sound you hear is a soft thud, which you're guessing is the whip having been cast down to the ground. Jax needs his right hand free to start going to town on your pussy.

The words that have just come out of his mouth, coupled with the feeling of his fingers making contact with your slick mound, sliding over your clit, slipping into your slit and stirring you up, swirling your wet heat around, then plunging three digits in knuckles deep, pushing in and back out slowly first before he starts to fucking pound... this just brings all the walls inside you crashing down. Floodgates in you burst open on the instant as your arousal uncontrollably gushes out. It's killing you to stay silent through all of this, but you don't dare disobey his orders, don't dare make a sound.

"Holy fuuuck," Jax grunts as he pulls his hand off of your cunt. "So wet. Tight pussy squirting all over your master. Such a dirty fucking slut."

He reaches over you to shove his sloppy, sticky fingers in your mouth, your cheek pressing against the wooden beam, as you obediently suck them clean. You're not usually one to enjoy your own flavor that much, but fuck, it tastes better than ever now that you are being fed by him, the sex god of your dreams.

Then as soon as his fingers pull out, he leans in and angles your head toward him so that he can kiss your mouth, and holy—wow.

You know right away that you could never get enough of the feel of his full, luscious lips against yours, the taste of his talented tongue as it fucking invades and explores. He hums and groans into the kiss, sending resonant vibrations of his dominance down your throat and all over your mouth, and damn, you kind of really want to die right now.

But you don't. Of course, not yet. More than anything you're still desperate for your punishment.

"Fucking perfect little slave," Jax snarls as he pulls away, and you can hear him squatting down behind you to pick up his whip.

Before he does, while he's down there on his haunches, he takes the chance to manhandle your ass cheeks, groping firmly and then biting down on one of them, pausing to admire the mark that he made on your flesh with his ravenous teeth, then giving that spot a wet, open-mouthed kiss, and finally a sharp, stinging slap. Your knees buckle from how much you fucking liked that.

"Slut," he chuckles as he gives that cheek a few more smacks, each harder than the last. He makes sure to give the same sweet kinky treatment to the other cheek, biting and kissing then spanking both halves with his big, sturdy hands before he finally picks up his whip, one palm still groping your ass as he stands.

"Ready to feel this whip lashing your pretty little ass?" Jax dominantly asks. "Tell me, slave. How many do you want."

You're so blissed out right now that you barely have control over your lolling tongue. "Uh... uh—a lot."

"That's not a number, slut. Give me a number you can fucking count."

"Ughhhh..." you groan out as he trails the strip of leather wickedly against your ass, "...umm, a hundred?"

A soft laugh escapes his throat. "That's cute. You must be new to this, darlin'. I'm not about to beat you dead."

Some part of you right now kind of likes the sound of that. Which is maybe... sort of... bad? Jax is still talking, so for better or for worse, you don't have time to dwell on that.

"I can do a hundred. But only if each one is... weak... and soft..." he tells you, bending over your body to press his lips against your face again, kissing your cheek, tender and sweet. "Is that what you want? Or does this filthy bitch want it hard?"

His mouth has descended to bite down on your neck as he says it, causing you to cry out in bliss. "Fuck yes, please—hard!"

Jax huffs out another sexy little laugh. "That's what I fucking thought. I'm gonna give you ten to start," he offers, leaving wet kisses on the smooth skin that he'd bitten. "Ten nice and hard. That sound good, baby girl? And you just tell me if you want more. Or... if it's too much, if you ever want me to lighten up, or stop—"

"I won't," you blurt out. "God, Jax, I want... I need you to just fucking beat my ass off."

"Mmmn. Babe, you are fucking amazing, you know that?" he growls, fondly nuzzling your neck for a second before he pulls back, standing behind you, with his rock hard cock once again hovering over your crack. "But Jax ain't my name right now. Is it. What do you call me, slut."

You cringe at your own unforgivable error. "Master. I'm so sorry, sir."

"Yeah, you better be, bitch," he snarls, as the whip that has been gliding delicately over your body suddenly lifts away from your skin. "Fucking take it."

Holy—fucking—shit. The sharp, searing pain that you feel in that instant is so goddamn perfect. Electric, explosive, exquisite. Everything Jax is. Your life as you know it is finished; you live only to serve and to worship this god of a man who deals out such sweet punishment. You love it. You love him.

The rugged velvet sound of his voice in this moment just deepens your love for him, heightens your pleasure. "Count 'em for me, whore," he orders ruthlessly. "Want more?"

"One... Thank you, sir," you sigh, hazy from the incredible high. "Please, Master. More."

For a hell of a long time, Jax gives you everything you beg him for. And every second of the pleasurable pain is so damn dirty, so damn pure, completely perfect. But you both know that, given what a desperate slut and dedicated slave you are, you will literally never want him to stop. So Jax is the one who hits pause, when he decides he should.

You never wanted it to end, but this is what your master wants—so as much as it saddens you, still you just give in, and still it feels good.

"Damn, baby," he breathes, dropping the whip, gently kneading your ass as he leans down to leave a trail of kisses up your spine with his soft, sinful lips. "Guess I should've known better than to ask you for a number. Such a good little slave. But we're gonna stop here, okay?"

"Yes, Master," you whisper.

"You know why we're gonna stop?" he teases as his mouth reaches the back of your neck. "It's not just because I'm done with beating you. Nah, the real reason is that... there's something even better I've been dying to do."

Part of you already knows what it is. And all of you wants it. Needs it.

Jax tilts your head to claim your mouth in a kiss, as his huge dick aligns with your soaking wet slit. "Mmmn. That's it, bitch," he moans into your lips. "Gonna fucking fuck you."

Every damn thing about Jax Teller is literally magic. So, as his massive cock basically breaks your body in half, as his heavy balls slap up against your cunt with each ferocious thrust so hard and fast, as his dominant hands grope and grab all over your just beaten ass... every inch of you feels so damn blessed upon contact.

You can't imagine any better way to recover from your punishment. Not that you ever really want to recover from it—mostly you just want more and more of it—but no matter what you want, healing is what you need.

And Jax heals just as well as he hurts. Even better, in fact.

Once he's done fucking your pussy rough and dirty, shooting his divine cum deep inside you just the way you beg him to, he unties your ropes and then spends the next hour or so kissing and caressing and cuddling with you, massaging your ravaged ass cheeks with his hands and mouth, taking you to heaven when that sweet mouth eats you out, and even when he lets you worship his cock the way you've been dying to do, even when he grabs your head and fucks your face before he explodes down your throat, even then it still feels like healing. You both really needed that feeling.

He lifts you up to kiss you, deep and slow, on the lips before you are even done swallowing his cum. You let yourself drown in that beautiful face, hoping that Jax knows how damn good he tastes. How perfect he is in every way. That he is a fucking god, that everyone on earth should kneel before him as his slave.

When the kiss finally ends, as you both try to catch your breath for a few seconds, the cold hard fact of your predicament sets in again.

"We should probably put some clothes on, babe," he says, coming down from the high of his sex-heated haze. "Then I've gotta work out a way to escape."

You can tell that Jax sincerely meant it, when he'd promised he would save you from this place, and you don't doubt it for a minute.

Still, there's no denying that you two are stuck in the middle of some serious deep shit. But after having experienced such punishment and pain and pleasure, such submission and service, such sex and love with Jax Teller, today down in this cellar—which you're pretty sure would not have happened under any other circumstances ever...

"Well," you sigh, breathing in his scent for what you hope won't have to be the final time before you die, "whatever happens next, Jax, this was..."

"Definitely," he cuts in to interrupt you with a few passionate kisses, then smiles down at you so devilishly it's delicious. So hellish it's heavenly. Finishes your sentence and it's just so fucking perfect. "Fucking worth it."

***************

… Sooo I know that was SUPER kinky shit, but I hope there are some filthy bitches who enjoyed it, and would love to hear if you did!! 😅❤️

– Main Masterlist

– Dirty Little Secret Masterlist

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goosedawn · 3 years

Note

//Oh gods, welp, here I go [cracks knuckles]

//Tiny farmer Techno Au,,,, prepare for some future lore cjkhcxk

Timestamps from: "I Became the Mayor of Skyblock" by Technoblade

(5:39) "I decided to call in an old rival..." - Technoblade

Techno continues on with his life for days on, but finally, he somehow finds his way to society again, seeing that the entire town has been taken over by a tyrant of a mayor. The townspeople called for aid, and from the depths of his cold heart, he decided to help (....what do you mean he only did it so people would buy his potatoes-).

For a bit, he did his work by himself, only getting help from some other living scarecrows (listen, I really like the idea of some scarecrows coming alive [cough] PHIL [cough]), TimeDeo and Jyn (...? Is that how you spell their name?). (Dunno what the process for taking over the mayor would be exactly but,,, chchskdlcx,,,)

But you can only do so much work with... living scarecrows. With a bit of reluctance, he calls for help from SquidKid. And then together they defeat Dante :]

(Also, it's funny to think that the town has a mayor that they've never seen. All they know is that the previous mayor is gone, and the new one is pretty chill. /Lh)

(6:31) "Is there any way to do the teleport room without just like.. guessing?" - SquidKid

(6:36) "You are like... little baby, watch this." - Technoblade

Being tiny has its perks.

"Wait, what do you mean you can solve this maze in an hour or less?"

Techno turned towards the bigger hybrid, crossing his arms as he nonchalantly stared up at them. SquidKid only gives him a baffled look back, their tentacle-like hair slightly sprung up to further show their confusion.

He knows this only because he's known the man for far longer than they've known him.

He knows more personal information than should be shared, somehow finding the other farmer's parent's numbers along with a few other things. He had jokingly pocketed away the parent's number in the back of his mind, although, he had no real plans of ever using it. Well, maybe he had played with the idea of calling SquidKid's parents to dunk on the fact that a wild borrower had been winning their competition, but he ultimately decided not to for obvious reasons.

He knows the hybrid's schedule like the back of his hand, having to work around it for the better part of an entire year. Using that knowledge, he had sabotaged countless of SquidKid's tools, poking small, unnoticeable holes into their hoses and irrigation systems.

And he knows SquidKid's behavior from how they speak to how they express any sort of emotion. Lies were easily debunked from the small twitch of the corner of their mouth as they suppressed a smile, and anger was easily shown from how their strange hair pieces would spike up.

Yet, he can't help but feel slightly at unease in front of them. He supposes it's only natural, seeing that there's a huge height difference between them. Plus, this was practically the first time they've been closer than two fields of length in between them. Well, disregarding the times he's gone snooping around the bigger farmer's place, but that's neither here nor there.

"Squid, look at me," he raises his hand, gesturing towards himself, "I'm tiny, yes?" the squid hybrid nodded slowly, and he pointed at the stalks of tall fern and crop, "to you, this would basically be a wall you can't get through. For me, though...."

He jumped off his perch, tightly holding his trusty bag and sliding towards the flora before easily disappearing behind the thicket and appearing moments later at eye level, holding the stalk of the crops easily,

"It's easy to go through."

SquidKid makes a quiet 'oh' sound with another nod of their head, looking slightly in awe. The amazed look turns to one of confusion again, though, and he awaited their next question with a raised eyebrow, "but... the maze is big, how are you going to get through it all without tiring?"

Techno grinned, lifting a hand to his mouth and loudly whistling. He doesn't hesitate to slide back to the floor as a blur of white fur bounds towards him.

"Carl!" he exclaims, wrapping his hands around the rabbit's fluffy neck and combing through the fur with his fingers. He backs away to pull out a broken-off piece of a carrot, feeding it to the eager bunny before turning towards the astonished squid hybrid with a grin, "my noble steed," he waves a hand towards the still feeding rabbit.

"You tamed a rabbit," they dumbly point out, having to metaphorically pick up their jaw off of the floor.

"Yup, I did. you can stop gawking now," he huffed, "you're going to catch a bug with your mouth if you keep your mouth wide open."

"...And you named it Carl?"

"What kind of question is that?" he snorts, shaking his head, "yes, I named him Carl, and yes he's going to be the one helping me through the maze. Any other silly questions?"

The man stumbles over their words for a second, and he amusedly watches from below, "I- yeah, yeah, you bozo," they finally settle on saying.

"Alright, cool, I'm going to go find the exit now," he turns away from the hybrid, climbing on the back of the rabbit's back, "see you there."

He doesn't give SquidKid the chance to respond, already setting off through the thicket. And he sure doesn't suppress the grin that crawls up his face as Carl bounds past stalks and stalks of crops.

Having distracted SquidKid enough to get away, the bigger farmer had barely thought to ask how they themselves would traverse the maze.

They must have realized soon enough, though, since not seconds later, he hears a strangled yell of his name along with a loud groan.

Pain, it's been too long since I've written something /Lh

"(Also, it's funny to think that the town has a mayor that they've never seen. All they know is that the previous mayor is gone, and the new one is pretty chill. /Lh)"

When the townspeople come to greet the new mayor, they come thinking that it's SquidKid who's done everything since it's always been SquidKid going into town and doing the talking- the scarecrows being unable to do so for obvious reasons, and Techno unable to do so without revealing his entire existence.

So when the sheepish farmer calmly explains that he's just a helper of the mayor, they're... rightfully confused. At first, they want to know the real identity of the mayor, but SquidKid wearily tries explaining that said mayor really doesn't want to be revealed. They only conceded when he shakily points to the unknown farmer's territory, most of them getting the message.

Techno is very thankful that SquidKid doesn't take his title and also doesn't reveal his existence.

"It would have been so easy for the squid hybrid to just pluck his tiny form from their back pocket and shove the wrathful spotlight onto him.

He wasn't even able to even escape now as he found himself stuck in the hybrid's pocket. The crowd had come quickly after SquidKid had removed the other mayor for him, and he remembered feeling panicked as he stared at the other hybrid. The next thing he knew, he was shoved into their pocket.

He couldn't get out without tumbling to the ground with a splat, and, even worse, the possibility of one of the townspeople pointing him out with gossip-drinking eyes was incredibly high too.

He shakily gulped, greedily taking the air around him as he tried to stay calm. He never liked being near anyone- not even the scarecrows - so the second-hand contact with his past rival was not the finest experience.

"I- uhm," the squid hybrid stumbled over their words, "t-the mayor really would rather not... have the entire town to greet them.."

The crowd hushedly mumbled to each other, and one straggler called out, "well, tell them to come out anyway!"

By the Blood God, he hated this. He shrunk to the bottom of the pocket. This was one of the worst worries for a borrower; he had already been pushing his limit with the scarecrows and SquidKid, but this was another level for him.

"...Uh, well, in that case," he felt SquidKid shift, and a hand brushed over his pocket. He tenses, waiting for the fingers to tug him out and waiting for SquidKid to finally prove that they're not as kind as they look, for them to finally get some semblance of petty revenge.

"You can find them over there." He pauses, confused to as why there's no hand reaching down for him. The words finally dawn on him, and he's both relieved and perplexed to what SquidKid could have meant by that.

But hatever they've done has made the crowd fall unnaturally silent, and so he's at least a little relieved for that too.

The same voice that was brave enough to speak before pipes up, "you mean the ghost farmer?"

....He didn't know that the townspeople had come up with a name for him, but he's suddenly thankful that he's gained enough popularity that people stop and gawk.

"Y...Yes," SquidKid slowly acknowledges the villager, "they were the one orchestrating all of this. I was just helping with the... talking parts," the hybrid is silent for a moment before they burst into a stammering mess,

"And- uh, I-I should take my leave now, b-because I should really h-head back and ch-check up on them," he feels the bigger farmer start to take a few steps back, supposedly away from the crowd, "I'll answer any questions later!"

He has to push against the fabric to keep himself from bouncing around in the pocket as SquidKid starts running. He faintly hears the townspeople shout for the male, but it's muffled through the fabric.

As it starts to seem as if the squid hybrid would never stop running, they finally start to slow down, their breaths coming out labored and airy.

He doesn't speak up for a moment, letting the other regain themselves first. When they finally seem well enough, he speaks up,

"That's the best you can come up with?"

chKFCHKDSJFSDF oh my Primes, this is so LONG,,,, I have no idea how to write SquidKid,,,, plus, I had no idea how to like,,, oOGHgds,f,, pain.

Anyways, hope you had fun reading ALL of this cchjxcvxkdsf,,,

AAUBHJDUHFJHBFNDKUFHN WENDYYY /POS

i dont have anything to add this is just fantastic,,,,, DEO AND JIYN AS SCARECROWS AS WELL,,, FBJHDKUHSJHHDV,,,,,, i love that techno gets to have Carl still 🥺🥺🥺 and him leaving squidkid on the other side of the maze??? FHJBDJNJKBF

ALSO 🥺 squid protecting techno and not telling people abt him,,,,, aaajfhkdojfh good,, i also appreciate that everyone in the village just has to be like. "the ghost farmer is mayor????... well this isnt the weirdest thing thats happened to me"

SQUIDKID RUNNING AWAY,,,, "ill answer any questions later" djhshhjhjhbhbfhdjhbe

*holds this gently* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i adore

#hey farmer anon i hope u get to see this #this is very cool whuejhfhjfbhhsjf #mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #t!technoblade #tiny!technoblade #t!techno #tiny!techno #g!squidkid #giant!squidkid #not me realising i have to tag this </3 #others writing #i absolutely adore this sm #dibiundnjnfjkdjnfhjfjj #what do u mean i got distracted by watching the video on this again instead of posting what nooo #OH ITS SO LONG #tiny farmer au #long post

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years

Note

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

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milkybonya · 3 years

Text

i'm not the same boy you knew back then

Warnings: food mentions and some angst, party mentions

Pairing: Yedam x (gn)reader

Summary: where Yedam broke your heart in high school because he didn't know how to act but now he's desperately in love with you and wishes you still felt the same :")

word count: 5.8k

inspired by Walls by All Time Low (it has explicit language! be careful~~i've put a link for it at the veryyy end of this fic)

[a/n]: I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY FOR THE FLASHBACK PART OF THIS OML I'M SORRY FOR THE CHAOS AND MESS BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY

Hey there it's good to see you again, It never felt right calling this "just friends". I'm happy, if you're happy, with yourself.

"Isn't that Yedam?" your friend, sat beside you, asks. They point to somewhere behind your head, and naturally, you turn around to follow their finger with your eyes.

As the doors to the lecture hall swing shut, a familiar boy begins to walk quickly down the steps. While grinning, he decides on a spot near the back, far away from your almost front-row seat. You let out the breath you didn't realize you were holding and face the front.

"Since when did he go to our university?" your friend asks, also facing the front now.

"I have no clue," you admit.

You'd purposely accepted an offer at a faraway university to avoid having to see Yedam ever again after high school. High school had become one of the worst times of your life thanks to him.

Yedam's pov

As soon as I enter the hall, I find [y/n] with my eyes immediately. They look at me with a mix of shock, disgust and hatred, but seeing them fills me with so much joy that I can't help but smile.

Deciding not to bother them, I pick a spot near the back and sit down. I wonder to myself if switching to [y/n]'s school was the right choice...

[y/n]'s pov

It was obvious you were too much for me. Oblivious, I was young

Back in high school, you had the fattest crush on one of the school's most popular kids, and you hated yourself for it. It wasn't like you could control your feelings... but your heart was set on him. His smile made you feel so warm and you felt happy despite him not having the slightest clue who you were. You always watched him from afar, peering at him as he walked into the classroom while waving at all of his friends before taking a seat at the back.

By some chance, you got paired with him for an assignment. You thought he would be disappointed, since he had never spoken to you, but contrary to his somewhat intimidating aura as a result of him being a popular kid, he smiled warmly at you as you introduced yourself.

"I know you're [y/n]," he said quietly, looking down at the assignment instructions in front of him.

"How do you know?" you asked him.

He looked up and leaned in closer to you to whisper into your ear, only after being sure that no one was watching.

"It may not seem like it, but I do know my classmates."

When he moved back, he flashed you a grin before returning to the assignment instructions again. Your heartbeat was flooding your ears.

After meeting up several times to do the research and plan out the presentation together, you and Yedam somehow grew closer. You had always thought he was some sort of chic, cool guy, but he turned out to be super soft and sweet. The two of you laughed at each other's dumb jokes and procrastinated late into the night sometimes, only beginning your work when the café was about to close.

On one of those days, Yedam asked if you wanted to go to his place to finish the assignment.

"It's due in two weeks and we still have so much to do... plus we're so busy that we can only meet once a week," he explained, pouting slightly.

You agreed, feeling somewhat nervous and excited at the prospect of going to your crush's house for the first time.

His parents were home but asleep as it was late for them, so the two of you quietly went to his room.

In-between muffled giggles and late-night snacks, the two of you managed to get a lot of work done before you felt as though you'd hit your limit. After yawning and stretching, you told Yedam that it was time you went home.

"Do you live far from here?" he asked you.

You, in fact, did live quite far from his house, but you felt bad telling him this, so you lied and told him you lived close by.

He pouted and looked down.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to just sleep here... but I guess it makes sense for you to go home," he said, helping you pack up your things.

Yedam... wanted you to stay the night? How could you miss such an opportunity! Your crush! Wanted you to stay the night!!

Yedam noticed that you'd stopped moving, holding your pencil case in your hand as you thought about what to say.

"Is everything okay?" he asked you.

"Yeah... I actually... live kind of far," you mumbled, not wanting him to get mad at you for lying.

"You do? Then why did you say you live close by?" he asked, also taking his hands away from your backpack.

"I didn't want you to walk me home or anything," you explained. Yedam smiled at you, shaking his head.

"Don't worry about it now... do you have any clothes to change into?"

"Just my gym clothes... but they're dirty," you told him, shyly.

"Do you want to take something of mine to wear?" he asked you, already standing up to look through his closet without waiting for your answer.

You were going to say no, again, not wanting to bother him, but he had already pulled out some of his comfier clothes for you to wear.

After changing into them and walking back into his room, you avoided Yedam's eyes as he quietly lost his mind over how cute you looked.

"Um, so..." Yedam started, scratching the back of his neck.

"Would you be okay with sleeping in my bed? I'll go sleep in the livingroom-"

"No, no! I'll go sleep there-"

"No, I can't let a guest sleep on the couch!"

Both of you sighed, not being able to win against one another.

"Listen, it's either you sleep in my room and I go to the livingroom, or we both sleep in my bed," he said, pointing to his bed behind you.

You froze, trying to consider your options as your heartbeat grew louder.

"Well... I guess we're both sleeping here then," you said, in a tone that tried to sound confident but was a little shaky.

You plopped yourself face first into the bed to hide from your embarrassment, feeling the bed shift a few seconds later as Yedam joined you.

"Scooch over towards the wall. I'll sleep on this side so you won't fall off the bed at night," he said, pointing to the side of his bed that faced the rest of his room. You smiled at Yedam's kind gesture as you moved over.

He had turned off the light and it was dark now, and both of you lay side-by-side on your backs, staring up at the ceiling.

"Are you... asleep?" he asked you quietly a while later. You shook your head at first, but then realized he couldn't see you. So you said a quiet "no".

You felt Yedam shift as he turned to face you. You carefully turned your head towards him too, wondering what he was up to. It was hard to see in the dark, but he was just admiring your face. You looked away, feeling embarrassed, until you felt him shuffling closer to you.

It was a little nerve-wracking watching his figure tower over you in the dark. Blinking up at him, you parted your lips to ask him what he was doing, but he spoke first.

"Am I allowed to... kiss you?" he asked, quietly looking down at you.

Yedam... wants to ???? Your crush wanted-

You found yourself nodding before your thoughts could entirely be processed, and watched as Yedam lowered himself onto you with a small smile. His heart soared as he watched your reaction -- your eyes were squeezed shut so tightly out of nervousness.

Before his soft lips met yours, he found your hand under the blankets and held it in an attempt to ease you of your nervousness. He didn't know that it only made your stomach feel the effects even more intensely.

Your lips touched for only a moment, but it felt like a whole eternity. When he pulled away, he moved off of you quickly and shuffled over to his side of the bed again.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry," he mumbled, looking away from you. You were confused.

"What's wrong?" you asked him.

"I... I was supposed to tell you I like you first but then now you're right beside me--wait not that I like you... wait I mean I do, but I didn't want to tell you like this--"

Hearing his unsure confession was all the confidence you needed to pull him closer, accidentally tightening his hoodie strings as you pulled him in to carefully press your lips against his again. He completely melted into your hands, then, wrapping an arm around your back and holding you close.

That was probably one of the last good memories you have of him.

After that, Yedam turned into a different person the next morning, avoiding your eyes and missing any trace of a smile on his face as he pushed a plate of breakfast towards you.

"Let's not walk to school together, okay? I'll be leaving first," he told you, leaving you alone in his own house.

You had no clue what was going on and no appetite to eat. After waiting a few minutes, you walked to school after him. You had no idea how to even get to school from his house, so after getting lost and arriving late, you finally managed to make it.

When you tried to approach him in class, he would turn his back on you and ignore you. It made you feel so small that you stopped even trying.

It was really hard for you to show up to school after that, because of how terrible you felt, but you still tried your best. Your friends knew something was wrong and they did their best to help you, but it didn't stop you from thinking about Yedam and why he was acting so strangely.

Until he texted you one day in the middle of class, asking you to meet him in an empty classroom.

You told yourself you shouldn't pay him any attention, especially after he ghosted you like that, but you still followed after him, curious to see what excuse he would give you.

In the classroom, you couldn't see anyone, so you thought Yedam hadn't arrived yet until you heard him call out your name from behind a file cabinet. By the windows.

"Come here, [y/n]," he said, motioning for you to approach him. He was smiling at you again, just like he did on those days when you'd study with him in the café. You told yourself to just turn around and leave, but your feet guided you to him.

You frowned up at him.

"What the heck have you been doing?" you asked him, tears already threatening to leave your eyes.

"[y/n], I-I'm sorry... you know how it is for me, with my popular reputation. Some kids saw us at the café and posted pictures of us, saying that I was going around dating a loser-"

He was holding onto your hands while wearing a pitiful expression, but you coldly pushed him away after hearing him out.

"So you've been acting weird because I'm tainting your reputation? Yedam, we never even dated! You gave me some... half-assed confession and... kissed me in the middle of the night and then ghosted me," you told him, sternly.

"I know, I'm sorry... It's so pathetic but I really do like you... I'm just really bad at this, I know, but I'm telling you now I like you-"

"In an empty classroom. Behind a file cabinet."

"Please, [y/n]. Date me for real... I promise I won't let you down."

You and your kind, innocent heart believed his promise. You believed him because his eyes were sparkling and he was holding onto you so tightly.

Yedam told you that you had to date him in secret, and that was just one of many red flags. He explained that if his friends found out, he would be teased and you would be hurt by their words, too. Nonetheless, you agreed. At school, you never spoke to him. All you got were stolen glances, Yedam winking at you every time you turned around in your seat. Somehow, that was enough to make your heart flutter.

You could only see each other in each other's homes, since even the risk of being caught out on a date was too much for Yedam to handle. The two of you would intertwine hands while watching a movie. You'd rest your head on Yedam's shoulder, or sometimes he would rest his head in your lap and you would gently stroke his hair, watching as his eyes squeezed shut tightly while he indulged in the feeling of your love.

Sometimes the two of you would listen to music together, quietly sharing earphones while staring out the window.

Sometimes you would just talk for hours into the night.

Yedam's smile would never leave his face when he was with you.

Except for when he was at school.

And you could handle it. At least you thought you could, until the final straw.

For Yedam's birthday, a few of his friends had gathered in his home, celebrating. You were also invited, of course, after you begged Yedam to let you come. He had told his friends that he invited you as a gesture of thanks for working on the assignment with him... it broke your heart to hear this lie, but you shrugged it off, again.

Everyone was feeling excited as they all started a game of spin-the-bottle. You felt incredibly out of place and already angry, even more so upon seeing a girl getting all handsy with Yedam, stroking his thigh with her hand and playing with his hair. She was constantly glued to him, but you shrugged it off, again.

After the bottle's mouth faced Yedam, the girl beside him dared him to kiss someone. How childish, you thought to yourself. You watched as Yedam locked eyes with you and started to stand up, making his way towards you with a small smile, but the girl beside him stopped him.

"Where are you going, damie? Isn't it me who you should kiss?"

Yedam looked back at her and then at you.

"I-"

"C'mon, it's your birthday!" she said, dragging him back down.

That literally is not an excuse and makes no sense, you scoffed to yourself, rolling your eyes.

The next few moments were a blur, but Yedam ended up kissing her and you felt like a piece of paper being torn in two. We can't even look at each other in public, you thought to yourself. You fought back tears and got up to leave. No one seemed to mind or care about where you were going, since none of these people were your friends anyway. Even Yedam was preoccupied, his lips on the mouth of this other girl.

You couldn't just shrug things off anymore. This was it. Now, it was your turn to ghost Yedam.

You hadn't told him, but your family were planning to move to another city soon. You told them to plan the move for earlier so you could leave that dreaded place and leave Yedam. Ignoring all his calls and texts, you transferred out the next week, and that was that.

I'm gonna break down these walls, I built around myself. I wanna fall so in love, with you, and no one else, Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now. Together we'll move on, just don't turn around, Let the walls break down.

You can't focus in lecture as everything that happened with Yedam flashes before your eyes. Just as you're starting to live a normal life without him, he has to show up and allow of the trauma to resurface.

As soon as your class ends, you quickly pack your bags. Your friend does the same, understanding exactly what is going on. But it seems like Yedam and his feet move a little faster.

Just as you're about to leave your row, you look up to find Yedam standing at the end of it, a small smile on his face.

You sigh and turn around, telling your friend to do the same so you can leave through the other side. But Yedam just follows behind you quietly. He doesn't say a word and just follows you as you and your friend as you leave the lecture hall to go to your next class.

Suddenly, you stop. Your friend and Yedam stop, too.

You turn around, your fist clenched into a tight ball.

"Yedam, can you please stop following me? Do you not have classes of your own or things to do? Please leave me alone," you told him, turning your back on him again and walking forward.

Your friend didn't follow you, though, but looked back and forth between you and Yedam. So lost in your thoughts, you walk to class on your own, not noticing that your friend isn't following you.

Yedam's pov

After they say those words and leave, I feel my heart breaking in two. Of course I know how much I've hurt [y/n], but their words make me realize that I'll never be able to completely understand. I almost start crying right there and then...

"Yedam, right?" their friend asks me. I look at them and nod, confused.

"Listen, [y/n] hates your guts. They're not going to talk to you and hear you out, so I'll do it instead. I know [y/n] might regret it if they don't hear you out, even if they don't want to."

I smile at [y/n]'s friend. That sounds exactly like [y/n]...

"You've probably heard a lot of awful things about me, and it's all true. But... [y/n] probably didn't tell you about those nights we spent in each other's rooms... the times that we did get to spend with each other alone.... sorry, what I'm trying to say is that I've always loved [y/n]. Not even 'like', but I've always loved them. And I don't think I'll be able to stop... I know I was such a terrible boyfriend back then. I don't think I can say I even was much of a boyfriend... but I've changed. I can promise that I've changed. I know it must be so arrogant of me to ask if they'll give me another chance but..."

I trail off, my brain shutting down as I struggle to find anymore words to express myself. [y/n]'s friend nods after I trail off.

"I see... well, I've heard about your promises. I heard they couldn't be trusted but if you've changed, then maybe that has changed, too. [y/n] has a really kind heart, but I won't let them date a jerk ever again. So unless we both know for sure that you're different now, we are not letting you date them."

With that, [y/n]'s friend walks away and leaves me there.

[y/n]'s pov

In class, you feel completely empty, unsure of how to feel. You only notice that your friend had not been beside you this entire time when they take a seat in the spot beside you, apologizing that they're late.

"Where were you?" you ask them, looking up as they sit down.

"I was talking to Yedam," your friend tells you, never one to lie.

Your face fills with disgust at the mention of his name.

"Why would you do that?" you whisper loudly, causing some heads in the lecture hall to turn your way. You mumble an apology before returning to your friend.

"I wanted to hear him out," they say, casually opening up their notes.

"What did he say?"

"So you are interested, huh?" they ask you, teasing.

"No, I'm not!"

"I know, calm down! He just said something along the lines of how he's always loved you and does now, too, and that he's changed--"

"That is the most garbage thing I've ever heard," you say, interrupting your friend with a scoff. They smile, shaking their head at you.

When you return to your dorm after all your classes, you find a small gift bag hanging on the door knob to your room. Curious, you pick it up and notice it has your name written on the side.

You could recognize that handwriting from a mile away.

As if it's the side of a hot pan, you drop it, watching its contents spill to the ground. A pack of your favourite snack falls out, along with a neatly handwritten note, a CD player and earphones.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to look, you tell yourself.

Picking everything up and walking into your room, you sit on your bed and read the note over.

[y/n]!! ah, it doesn't make sense for me to be cute or excited in this note, does it? >.< please forgive me.... i'm a little nervous... here is that snack that you've always loved... do you still love it now, too? and here is something that i wrote for you~it's on the CD. just press play and i'll let the song do the talking... i wrote this after you disappeared.

- yedam

This song better be god tier if he's coming to leave it at my door, you think to yourself.

As the song fills your ears, it seems to fill your empty heart too. You can tell it's full of Yedam's sincere feelings and thoughts... or he's just doing a good job of acting while singing. You can't seem to tell, but you still tear up a little.

You hear the door to your room swing open, as your friend, who also happens to be your roommate, barges in.

"What are you up to?" they ask, placing some things on their desk. They turn around immediately when they hear you sniffling.

"ARE YOU CRYING?" they shout, sitting beside you and wrapping their arms around you.

"This... song... Yedam..." you croak, just handing them the earphones.

When they listen to it, they also go quiet.

"It sounds really sincere..." your friend tells you, quietly.

"I'm not the only one who feels that way?" you ask your friend, looking at them.

"You know him better than I do, so you're probably right," they tell you, standing up.

"Why did this boy have to show up and make a mess of my life again," you groan, hiding your face in your hands.

"Well, I have just the solution! I know you're probably going to think about him and not get any work done anyway, so should we just go to a party?!" your friend tells you, jumping up and down.

"A party?" you wrinkle your nose in disgust.

"It'll help you stop thinking about him! Please, we never went to any parties last year!! Let's go, just this once!" they beg.

After thinking it over, you agree. What's the worst that could happen?

Wearing one of your favourite fits and feeling good, you walk alongside your friend, who already has a groove in their step as the two of you make your way to the house where the party is set to be held. It isn't that hard to find, since you're just following the bright lights and loud music in the distance. It's a wonder the people in that house aren't being arrested for causing such a ruckus...

Finally there, you step inside and try not to bump into any weird people. The music is so loud its deafening, and you shrivel up at the sound of it. Your friend wraps their arm around you, pulling you in close and guiding you to the snack/drink area so you can take what you need and go to a quieter place.

Your friend did beg you to come today, so they won't force you to dance or do any things you don't want to do...

Now equipped with everything you need, you make your way to the basement, where it's a lot quieter despite being so busy.

"How's this for a change?" your friend asks you, grooving along to the distant sound of the music from upstairs.

"It seems like you want to dance," you tell your friend.

They shake their head.

"I'll stay with you toniiiiiight!" they cheer, hugging you tightly. You laugh.

"It's fine, just go up! The crowd doesn't seem too scary or weird down here," you tell them as you watch two people play mario kart in front of a TV.

After asking you 1000 times if it's really okay, they leave you there with a drink in your hand. You continue watching the two people playing mario kart, secretly rooting for the boy in orange because his fit looks really nice, even if you're only looking from the back.

He ends up losing and you let out a "noooo!" loud enough for the two to hear. When they turn around, you discover that the boy in orange had been Yedam all along!

I take back rooting for him... he deserved to lose!

Widening your eyes at the sight of him, you quickly turn away and try to navigate your way towards another room. To your surprise, as soon as you walk in, Yedam is in there, holding the door open at the other end and panting.

"[y/n]," he calls out softly, smiling slightly. You can tell he's testing the waters and wondering how to react.

You try to walk out of the room, but the door behind you has been shut by some drunken idiot! He's pressed up against the frame and no matter how much you push, the door just won't open.

"[y/n], if you want to leave, it's okay. I don't want to bother you," Yedam tells you, stepping aside from the other door and motioning for you to walk through.

You sigh.

"No, it's fine. I guess we're here for a reason now, or something," you mumble, sliding down the wall until you're in a comfortable sitting position.

Yedam smiles, closing the door behind him.

"Still caught up in all that destiny stuff?" he asks you, joining you in sitting on the ground but also keeping his distance.

You scoff in response. How does this kid remember everything about me?

"So... what are you doing in my house?' he asks you.

"Your.... house?"

"Yeah, this is my house. You didn't know?" he asks you, looking bewildered.

You think about your friend. They must have brought you here while knowing it was Yedam's house...

"Um... nevermind that. How... have you been?" Yedam asks you, wringing his hands.

"Me? I've been doing great until now. How about you?" you spit out your words sarcastically, but Yedam doesn't seem to mind.

"I've been... well... I'm not sure. It would be cheesy for me to say I've been feeling lost without you, but that's kind of how it is," he tells you, chuckling nervously.

"Yeah, super cheesy. It also doesn't make sense, Yedam," you tell him, avoiding his eyes.

"I know it doesn't, but to me it does. I know our relationship was a mess, but those times that we spent together were... something else. Probably some of the best times of my life, honestly," he tells you.

"And why... are you telling me this?" you ask him, curious to see how he'll respond.

"Because I know I'm in the wrong and there's no excuse for my past childishness, but... I've missed you. And I still do. I know I was really caught up in my reputation back then and I didn't open myself up to you properly, but I want to do that now."

He runs his fingers through his hair, and something inside you turns. You didn't realize just how much you loved it when Yedam did that until now... he looks so pretty--

No. What are you thinking?!

"I haven't missed you though, Yedam," you say.

He smiles sadly.

"I know. And there's no reason for you to. But I'm just... asking for a second chance in case you think there's anything left."

You gulp and look up at the ceiling. You hadn't even considered the possibility of dating Yedam again, but talking with him now is different. He's less cautious and seems to be a lot more comfortable with you.

Someone knocks on the door behind Yedam and Yedam tells them to come in.

"Oh, am I interrupting?" the boy asks, slowly backing away.

"It's fine, I'm just talking to [y/n]," Yedam says with a smile, gesturing towards you. You greet the boy and his eyes light up.

"[y/n]?! The one you always tell me about? Gosh... it's so nice to meet you!" the boy says, shaking your hand and sitting down in front of you.

"You put up with a lot of Yedam's antics, I've heard," he says, laughing. Yedam laughs along, but you're still in shock.

Yedam had never told anyone about you... but now this random boy knows everything?

"It was more than antics. I was... really bad to [y/n]. I'm surprised they haven't left yet," Yedam admits, leaning back.

"I transferred to your old high school after you transferred out, and this boy was always sad. He didn't talk to anyone but me, only because the teacher asked him to show me around. He told me everything about you and eventually told the rest of his friends, too. You were his biggest and only heartbreak... I swear everyone at our school knows about you," the boy explains.

"What did you tell them?" you ask Yedam.

"He told us how he had been dating you in secret because he was afraid to ruin his popularity, but that he regrets it a lot. A lot of his friends left him after finding out you dated Yedam," the boy explains. Yedam nods along.

You're in shock. The boy who was so secretive and insecure exposed himself as a heartbreaker?

"Anyways, I'm sorry to be interrupting. I'll leave now!" the boy says, standing up and closing the door behind him.

"You... told everyone?" you ask Yedam. He nods.

"I feel like it was the only thing I could do for you. You deserved to be known as the one who held my heart," he says, holding his chest and laughing at his own cheesy words.

You find yourself laughing along and loosening up.

A moment of silence stretches between the two of you, and Yedam breaks it by standing up.

"Do you wanna play mario kart with me? You seemed to be having fun watching," Yedam asks you quietly.

You nod, also standing up.

The two of you play for about an hour, screaming and yelling at the TV just like you used to in your bedroom when you'd play games together.

"I won!" you declare in glee, turning to Yedam to do your signature high five with him. His hands meet yours, and you only realize what you're doing only after its already happened. You awkwardly move your hands away, facing the screen again.

"I'm sorry..." you mumble.

"No, I'm sorry! It's really okay, [y/n]... if you feel uncomfortable around me, you don't have to--"

"Your song touched me a lot, Yedam. And now I feel like... I want to try again. Just like this game," you say, pointing to the screen that has try again written in the corner.

"Are you sure?" he asks you, slowly.

You nod, deciding you've made up your mind. You've seen a lot of green flags already -- enough to decide that it's okay to move forward.

Yedam smiles and looks down at his lap. Then his head lifts up quickly, his eyes lighting up.

"I can take you to that café you always wanted to go! They have one in this city... and there's a museum next to it too! Do you want to go there? I.."

As he continues talking, you realize that all of the things he's saying he wants to do were things that you never did with Yedam, even after one year of dating him. It was always stay-at-home dates and ignore-each-other-when-we're-at-school. Somehow, you feel excited, wondering what things will be like.

"[y/n]! I've been looking everywhere for--oh, Yedam? Hi!" your friend greets you both.

"Did you have fun dancing?" you ask them. They nod, pointing to Yedam with their eyes.

You get up and whisper into your friend's ear.

"We have a lot to talk about, but I think..."

Your friend doesn't even wait for you to finish before they say, "well, I have to leave early now. Yedam, can you walk [y/n] home? Great, thanks!"

With that, they disappear and you shake your head at your friend's strange behaviour.

Yedam is all smiley while still sitting on the ground.

"Do I get to walk you home now?" he asks you, standing up.

"I wonder what would've happened if you walked me home that day, too..." you mumble, thinking about the day you slept over at Yedam's in the same bed as him.

"What, do you want to sleep over today, too?" he asks you.

You shake your head.

"I don't want things to turn out like that again."

"You mean, you don't want me to kiss you like I did then?" Yedam teases you, sending you a wink.

"You--shut up!" you yell, chasing after him with a pillow.

This boy literally broke my heart, you think to yourself. He is testing his limits...

After you both calm down, Yedam walks you home. It's a little quiet at first, until Yedam speaks.

"Can... I hold your hand?" he asks you.

"This soon?" you say, still grabbing his hand anyway. He looks down at your hand in his and smiles.

"Yeah... you don't know how long I've been wanting to do this for," he admits, swinging your arm up and down as you walk.

You shake your head at him.

"Let's run!" Yedam declares, racing forward with your hand in his. You trail behind him, the sound of laughter escaping your lips and ringing in Yedam's ears. It leaves a bright blush on his face as he thinks to himself about how much he's missed your laughter.

The two of you slow down, panting.

"I'm so tired," Yedam wheezes, laughing at how weird he sounds.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" you tease him. He raises his eyebrows at the comment. Maybe it's the adrenaline from all the running or the feeling of the night air, but a courage surges through you as you snake your hand around the back of his head and pull him towards you, pressing his warm lips to yours.

You pull away shortly after, feeling breathless again. A blush dusts Yedam's cheeks as he stares at you with wide eyes.

Your own stomach is full of butterflies, but you ignore it and walk forward.

"Are you not coming?" you yell to the boy behind you. He laughs and chases after you.

[a/n]: i just want to say that i do not condone getting back together with a toxic ex so soon... i was just really excited while writing and sped up the plot >.< but don't ever get back with someone who has hurt you unless you are 100% sure! please take care of yourself!!

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