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casasupernovas · 1 year

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steve urkel x harry potter:

dumbledore listening to snape explain to him why he stopped teaching harry occlumency:

harry when he watched james, sirius, remus and peter in snape's memories in the pensieve:

harry when he watched dumbledore's memories in the pensieve in the GOF:

ron when he overheard harry and hermione's conversation in the woods and realised there was another bloody thing for him to find:

kreacher when he overheard the numerous members of the order enter grimmauld place, including a werewolf and blood traitors and mudblood:

lupin when he pieced together what really happened with sirius and peter when he saw his name on the map:

cornelius fudge when he was told of voldemort's return during the triwizard tournament:

horace slughorn when tom riddle asked what would happen if he split his soul seven times:

frank listening to voldemort and peter pettigrew's conversation in the riddle manor:

#harry potter #severus snape #albus dumbledore #horace slughorn #lupin #sirius #kreacher #james #ron weasley #hermione granger #lord voldemort #cornelius fudge #barty crouch jr #hp memes #hp jokes #funny #pro snape #snapedom

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daddiesdrarryy · 26 days

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Remus: So you and Pads’s brother are just sleeping together now?

James: Yeah, and I’m not great at casual relationships. I don’t want to scare Reggie off

Remus: Then just give him some space, all right? Don’t Floo, don't write him letters, don’t call

James: That’s crazy, Moony. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of him?

Remus: …

Remus: When do you see him next?

James: We’re having dinner tonight

Remus: Okay, put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork

James: What’s the rubber band for?

Remus: To slow the bleeding

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mon-mi · 2 months

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ah yes me my boyfriend and james potter

#hp #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #remus x sirius #wolfstar #marauders #fanart #hp fanart #monmiart #sirius #sketch #shitpost #this is a joke

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milleeeeeee · 1 year

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looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you; Remus

looks like they could kill you, is a cinnamon roll; Sirius

looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll; James

looks like could kill you, would kill you; Regulus

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futurequibblerjournalist · 1 month

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Reggie: talking about hormone therapy

Barty: I don’t know much about hormone therapy but I sure know how to make a whore moan and sometimes that’s all the therapy you need

#i need to stop laughing at my own jokes this much #i wanna say the skittles are shocked but let’s be fr they’re used to his shit #marauders era #marauders #hp marauders #rosekiller #hp #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr #harry potter #regulus black #trans regulus black #trans regulus

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apoetsworld · 1 year

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Headcannon that James had an emo phase. Like around his fourth/fifth year he fully goes full heavy metal Potter and tries wearing Sirius' leather jacket. It lasts 2 days, Sirius is the only one who knows he dyed his hair Jet-black for a few hours and wore eyeliner like there was no tomorrow. Luckily for him it happened during break, but there's a photo somewhere marking the James potter Emo Phase.

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the-random-hamlet · 10 months

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Not Mine. Thought to Share.

#jokes #memes #eldritch horror #massachusetts #hp lovecraft #boardgames #cthulhu mythos #horror #cosmic horror #tentacles

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moonchildreg · 1 year

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Remus Lupin circa 1976

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myloveharry · 8 months

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Fred: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? George: The car takes a screenshot. Ginny: For the last time, get the fuck out.

#harry potter #incorrect harry potter quotes #hermione granger #ron weasley #harry potter jokes #harry potter memes #jokes #memes #incorrect hp quotes #ginny weasley #george weasley #fred weasley #the weasleys #the weasley twins #incorrect quotes

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valyrfia · 7 days

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what on earth is “scuderia ferrari HP”

#in that ugly blue as well you must be joking #scuderia ferrari #scuderia ferrari hp #formula 1

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marauderstars · 1 year

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Sirius: Knock knock.

Remus: Who’s there?

Sirius: Wendy.

Remus: Wendy who?

Sirius: Wendya think we can go on a date?

Remus: …

Sirius: …

Sirius: I’ll see myself out.

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gimme-a-magic-carpet · 1 month

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sirius flies to the stands and asks remus for a goodluck kiss before the games

#and the first few times he did it as a joke #until remus kissed him #and sirius’s brain short circuited #and he loved it #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #marauders #harry potter #marauders fandom #hp #mauraders headcanons #marauders era

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hp-hcs · 8 months

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(Fine, I’ll do it my damn self: part 1 of my silly lil mlm stories <3)

Gay Awakening (Chapter One) — smitten! mattheo riddle x male! reader

TWs: tobacco & alcohol use, internalized homophobia, homophobic slurs (once)

hella ooc mattheo. congrats, ur his gay awakening, and he’s an absolutely smitten lil gay mess for you but yk he’s trying

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Hey, dude. Who’s that?” Theodore asked, bumping Mattheo’s arm to get his attention, then pointing his fork in your direction. You were sitting at the very end of the table’s bench, wearing an oversized black muggle hoodie with your green tie loose and haphazardly slung around your neck. You were animatedly talking with, out of all people, a Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff girl sitting at the Slytherin table either seemed to be completely unaware of the looks she was receiving, or she was steadfastly ignoring them. Your laugh cut through the room, the Hufflepuff cracking up with you.

“American transfer students,” Malfoy sneered. “They clearly don’t know the rules yet.”

“Oh, shut up, Draco,” Pansy rolled her eyes, resting her chin on her hand and looking at the Hufflepuff for a moment too long.

Draco scoffed, clearly offended. “Whatever. They’re probably faggots anyway.”

Pansy whirled around with a furious expression. Mattheo himself flinched slightly at the slur, which caused Blaise to look at him questioningly. Once Theo had waved Blaise’s unspoken question off, Zabini shrugged, leaning over and muttering in his ear, “Ten galleons says she brings up Potter.”

“-and everyone knows that you have a crush on Harry Motherfucking Potter, so maybe you should take your bigotry and shove it right up your-”

“Pansy?” you questioned, awkwardly standing across from her. “Here, ‘m supposed t’ give this to you.”

You leaned across the table to drop a folded up note in front of her, allowing Mattheo to catch a faint whiff of your cologne. You looked back down at the floor shyly, hurrying back to your spot at the end of the table.

“He’s hot,” Enzo shrugged, taking a bite of his toast. “I call dibs.”

“You can’t call dibs on the guy who just asked Pansy out, dipshit.”

“Actually, it’s a note from the ‘puff,” Pansy interjected, twisting her wrist around to show off the neat cursive written in a purple glitter gel pen. “She wants to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend, dipshit.”

“Yeah, dipshit,” Mattheo teased Nott. “Plus, I think Malfoy already called dibs on him, so tough luck.”

Theodore blew a raspberry at him, only a slight distraction from where Mattheo’s comment had fueled another Pansy-rant and left Draco sinking low in his seat as if he wanted to disappear.

~~~

“Alright, Zabini, you’re up. What classic novel is a satirical adaptation of R. M. Ballantyne’s The Coral Island?”

“Why the fuck would I know that, Berkshire?”

“Blaise forfeits! Sudden death round is down to just us, Riddle,” Nott crowed excitedly, watching as the score quill of the charmed muggle trivia game scratched Blaise’s name off of the paper score sheet, drawing a condescending frowny face next to it.

Enzo laughed, flipping over the little hourglass timer. “If anyone can answer in the next thirty seconds, they automatically win the game.”

“No idea,” Mattheo shrugged. Theodore spun his rings around on his fingers before shrugging too.

“The Lord of the Flies,” your quiet voice pipes up. The game players all look over in your direction from where you’ve just entered the common room—coming back from the library, it looks like, if the stack of books in your hands explains anything.

“What?” Draco asks, raising an eyebrow and sneering.

“The Lord of the Flies,” you repeat. “William Golding. Fantastic book.”

Malfoy huffed. “And who are you, exactly?”

“Y/N L/N,” you introduced yourself, nodding slightly in their direction before wordlessly disappearing up the dorm room stairs.

Mattheo stared after you alongside his friends, none of them immediately noticing the charmed quill writing your name down on the score card as the winner.

~~~

“C’n I bum a smoke?” your sleepy voice called softly from behind Mattheo. He turned around from his spot on the otherwise unoccupied balcony to see you rubbing your eyes, a fuzzy green blanket draped around your shoulders. He cleared his throat and nodded, fishing a fresh cigarette out of the pack and holding it out to you. His heart rate stuttered for a moment when your fingers brushed against his.

“Thanks,” you muttered, using a wandless incantation to light it. Mattheo leaned back against the railing, taking a drag from his half-finished cigarette and blowing the smoke out thoughtfully.

“Why’re you up? It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

Maybe it was his well-meaning-but-patronizing phrasing or the confidence-imbued late night cigarette, but you clicked your tongue once and said in a short, clipped tone, “Oh, shut the fuck up, you hypocrite.”

Mattheo barked out a surprised laugh, choking on his lungful of smoke and falling into a coughing fit.

“Language, L/N,” he teased.

“English, Riddle,” you snickered back.

He grinned at you, blushing a nice pink color as you both smoked in a comfortable silence for a moment.

“My roommate brought some girl back from the party he went to,” you say after a while. “Didn’t want to deal with all that.”

“Ah,” Mattheo nodded slowly. “Boys seem to lose all of their brain cells as soon as they come within a ten-foot radius of a hot girl.”

You snort. “Not all of us.”

“Yeah?” he questioned, in a way he hoped came off as nonchalant, even though he was internally freaking out. “No lucky lady piquing your interest?”

“This may shock you, but believe it or not, I’m not actually into girls at all,” you snort again, dropping the cigarette butt and grinding it into the ground with the toe of your sneaker.

“Really?” he asked in a high voice before loudly clearing his throat. “I mean- really? That’s cool. Uh, m-me too.”

“Yeah?” you glanced up at him curiously. “Huh. I wouldn’t’a guessed.”

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” Mattheo blurts out, immediately snapping his mouth shut and clearly mentally facepalming.

“Sure,” you shrug.

“Huh?”

“I said sure.”

The poor boy was frozen in place, gaping at you. Taking pity on him, you make the first move—tugging his tie to pull him down to your level.

His hand finds the back of your neck, kissing you softly, much more gently than you would’ve expected.

When you break apart, he looks like he’s just been enlightened. Like, he might actually shout eureka! and run off.

“Holy shit,” he breathed. “I’ve never kissed a guy before- holy shit!” he laughs freely, cupping your face to kiss you again.

“So what now, Archimedes?” At his confused expression you elaborate, “Muggle reference, sorry.”

He nods slowly, his fingers automatically winding their way into the hair at the nape of your neck. “Well… you could sleep with me tonight,” he offered after a moment. “Y’know, so you don’t have to deal with your roommate.”

“Oh, um, I’m not really that type of boy, Theo…” you trailed off.

“Oh!” his eyes widened in panic. “I didn’t mean to imply- I mean, not that I wouldn’t love- I meant we could just literally sleep in the same bed!”

You giggled, a bit relieved. “I’d like that.”

He took a deep breath, smiling hesitantly at you. “No funny business, promise. All at your discretion.”

He held out his hand to you, and you took it immediately, leaning into his side.

“So about that fight between Malfoy and Pansy…”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chapter Two

#harry potter #hp x male reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x male reader #mattheoxreader #x male reader #pansy parkinson is sapphic goddamnit #draco malfoy’s a douchebag #theodore nott is also here ig #hp #they’re my silly little guys #my friend was like “hey who would be mattheo’s gay awakening?”#and as a joke i said “me”#but tada!

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pooks · 2 months

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Sirius: Say something rebellious. Percy: Um...okay, I think the working class should uprise against the rich people. Sirius: I said rebellious, not revolutionary.

#incorrect hp quotes #source: red vs blue #sirius black #percy weasley #he's trying to teach this young grasshopper how to be a rebel #jokes on him #percy led a revolution instead #the Black Family Madness™ strikes again #sirius: ...well you know. not what i had in mind but it works #poor arthur is so stressed over this #the twins and ginny can't stop laughing about this #pooks rambles

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coldemergency · 9 months

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Harry made a deal with Voldemort and anyone he considers family is off limits. So Harry has started going around calling everyone his son.

He walks up to Neville and shouts “You’re now my son. You hear that world? THIS IS MY BOY RIGHT HERE! MY LITTLE MANDRAKE BABY.” Then he walks away and Neville just nods to himself because Harry does odd things sometimes.

Later Harry is running down the halls at Hogwarts and practically throws himself into Luna Lovegood. Harry announces “You are my son now, and I’m very proud of you.” Before kissing her gently on the top of her head and running away again. Luna waves her hand, offering an airy “goodbye father” as he disappears downs the hall.

In the great hall later you can hear Draco Malfoy shouting “No, Potter! Stay away, don’t do it! NooooOOOOOOO!” The rest of the term Harry calls Draco his little dragon and praises him for his amazing intellect and school grades.

Harry and Snape have a glaring contest, Snape is practically daring Harry to do it with his eyes.

Dumbledore calls Harry “my boy” and Harry does the old reverse uno card and Dumbledore nods, eyes twinkling as Harry corrects him stating “You’re my boy now!”

Harry won’t stop, and he’s claiming so many people as his sons that the students in the lower years have started referring to him as Papa Harry.

It’s become a weird cult thing in the media because of Rita Skeeter, and people have begun sending Harry mail asking to be his son and Harry just sits there, so proud of himself.

#harry potter #fanfic #harry potter is a menace #fanfiction #hp #text post #harry james potter #neville longbottom #luna lovegood #draco malfoy #funny #shenanigans #the marauders would be proud #daddy Harry Potter #Harry Potter is a good dad #Christmas is going to be nuts #joke post #ao3 author

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that-bitch-kat3 · 16 days

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bitches be like: omg this song is soooo james potter coded

the song:

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