#the trauma bonding of losing everyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hausofneptune · 4 months

Text

"spicy" takes / unpopular opinions

[astro notes no. 002]

IF IT DON’T APPLY LET IT FLY. everybody’s chart is different, if you have any aspects or placements mentioned in this post that don’t resonate with you, that means the energy didn’t manifest the way that i described due to other influences in your chart (or you being delusional, idk, you decide). also, when i speak on certain signs i'm referring to their archetype and the innate energy they express. just be mindful that there's a variety of ways these energies can manifest from person to person.

disclaimers | masterlist | ask

y’all stay talking about how hard scorpios have it but y’all don’t talk about the struggles capricorns face. especially capricorn moons?? have y’all ever encountered a capricorn moon that wasn’t in therapy or didn’t desperately need it??? they be facing the most insane level of emotional distress and then turn around and pick up more shifts and start studying harder like that shit finna help lmfao

the discourse surrounding 8H synastry is... odd to me. i feel like some people (specifically the tumblr/tiktok girlies) are romanticizing trauma bonding. y’all can talk about how good the sex is all y’all want, but unless you and the person involved have a good amount of self-awareness and are spiritually evolved enough (especially if y'all have your own 8H placements in your own charts), i feel like you’re just setting yourself up to be in a “toxic” relationship with somebody. it could just be my aqua venus talking, but the whole “baring your soul” to someone and developing a possessive/jealous bond with them don't sound fun to me. i would rather perish.

everyone talks about how dramatic your saturn return is but why does no one bring up how traumatic your 12H profection years are? being 23 was literally one of the most unhinged experiences i’ve ever had

i be tryna advocate for geminis because i know they’re just lil creative mercurial sponges and wanna have enough knowledge to see everything from every side… but why do some of them act like that? and you know what i mean. especially the more “unevolved” gemini placements, they be doing the most insane level of mental acrobatics and be contrarian just for the sake of being contrarian

i have to say this as an 8H moon, i understand what y’all mean when y’all say 8H, scorpio, and plutonian placements usually face a lot of vitriol from others for no reason, but honestly, some of y’all be using that as a justification for being paranoid and manipulative. operating from a place of pain, assuming that everybody is out to get you, and being hyper-vigilant of people’s intentions isn’t the type of behavior anyone should be trying to normalize. let that hurt go pookie <3

i feel like this has been spoken about before but i’ll never understand why water signs are constantly stereotyped as the emotional crybabies of the zodiac but fire signs aren’t? water signs can definitely be sensitive and existential but prominent fire placements will literally lose their mind over the smallest shit and then be cool 10 minutes later… yes i’m looking at you aries

speaking of aries, can we address the way that they’re literally the toddlers of the zodiac and very much so behave like it? idk as a pisces i have a soft spot for them, i love their childlike, carefree spirit, and the way they be throwing tantrums for fun tickles me

this note doesn’t pertain particularly to signs/placements but astrology in general. i am begging y’all (specifically the people who are newer/beginners to astrology) to use traditional studies as a starting point and to stop taking notes from these tiktoks and tumblr posts. there are astrologers on these platforms who have done the work and studied (love y'all), but there are a plethora who haven’t. i saw a post the other day where somebody said squares/oppositions don’t indicate conflict in a chart and i felt like i was losing my damn mind. i definitely recommend the astrology podcast as a starting point for beginners, chris brennan is amazing and i still find myself re-listening to a lot of his content

i talked to one of my mutuals the other day about this, but astrology is such an amazing tool, and y’all should use it for so much more than self-validation. y’all do not need to have a certain venus placement to be considered pretty. y'all do not need certain mercury or uranus placements to be considered intelligent/creative. y’all do not have to rely on [insert random asteroid here] to know what your future spouse is gonna look like, when/where y’all are gonna meet, how they’re gonna perceive you, etc. etc. etc. i understand the hype around shit like that is due to social conditioning/constructs, but there are so many more important, relevant things you can learn about yourself through astrology that don’t revolve around "aesthetics"

the girls are gonna hate me for this one, but i don’t understand the hype around lilith. and i say this as someone with a tight sextile between my sun and BML. there’s three versions of it, two of which don’t even technically exist, and then there’s a mean/true version that affects the accuracy. if anyone has more knowledge than me on the subject feel free to give me your input, because i feel like the insane amount of attention lilith gets has to do more with the whole “dark feminine archetype” trend that the tiktok/tumblr girlies love and less to do with its relevance from an astrology/astronomical lens (i feel this way about most asteroids honestly, but we’ll wake up that tea another time)

i don’t wanna get dragged so imma end this here, as always let me know if y’all have any aspects/placements mentioned and tell me how they manifest in your life/personality! and if you have any insight feel free to let me know as well. and don’t be messy. you will be blocked expeditiously. <3

click here to read part two!

880 notes · View notes

kalki-tarot · 6 months

Text

Your dream spouse vs. the real one ❤️‍🔥

You & your Destined fs 🌙

Take a deep breathe and pick a picture you feel most drawn to.

Disclaimer : tarot is not 100% accurate, this reading is just for fun. Tarot does not substitute professional treatment of any kind. I'm not responsible for any decisions you make on behalf of my readings. This may not resonate with everyone. Please be mindful of your own actions and thoughts ♡

I'll be very straightforward with whatever comes through and if you're not comfortable with that, please don't read this post.

Pile 1

Your dream spouse ❤️‍🔥 ‧₊˚

TW ⚠️ : tr*uma bonding.

You want the bad boy/girl type husband/wife. Someone who is impulsive, daring and savage. You may want someone who is your perfect match, and very compatible with you. You desire to bond over trauma with someone. You know those couples who've seen each other's most vulnerable sides. You want a very romantic and caring connection which goes till soul level. You may also want someone who is famous or well known or even who has power and command in the society. You like big surprises. You want to take care of someone who has been emotionally broken down or sad. You want to comfort a sad person. You want a spouse who has old money. You know that trope when there is a powerful person in the society, who's famous and all that, but they have love missing in their lives. You want to be that love to your spouse. You want a deep and intimate spouse who's cold to others but warm snd loving to you only.

Your real spouse 💓 ‧₊˚

33 and 66 can be significant. Your real life spouse is someone very hardworking and honest. They may like to socialize or be with family and friends. This is a very cute and homely energy. Your fs can be someone well known in their field for what they do. They are a family person, someone who's purpose is their family. They believe in long term commitments. They don't joke around, they want serious commitment or else don't enter their life. They may like to meditate or they are calm and composed, they don't seem to lose their cool easily. They are energetic and quick to make changes. They can be an engineer or in business. They are funny and cool. Their personality is very easy going and smooth. They may have emotional outburts a lot of times, but they don't vent it out on you. They may sometimes unknowingly disturb people and then get sad snd walk away when someone tells them something. Despite all of this, they can be of a very giving nature. They donate and do charity work a lot. They sometimes may have limiting beliefs that stresses them out.

Pile 2

Your dream spouse ❤️‍🔥 ‧₊˚

You want your spouse to choose you over any other girl/guy. You wanna be their top priority over anything. You want a mysterious spouse who only opens up to you. You want someone closed off from the world. You want a romantic person who is just like a gentleman/woman. Very caring towards you. You want an happily ever after with your fs. You want to have a rich and happy married life afterwards. Your fs may have a other women's eyes too on them. And they would choose you. You want a rich and wealthy fs.

Your real spouse 💓 ‧₊˚

Your fs may have many expectations of others on their shoulders which constantly makes them fight for themselves. Alright, this person is unhappy with their family or something. They get really sad about this. They somehow gather courage to do what others want from them. But they don't like it. And this is taking a toll on their mental health and making them hate everyone and everything. This thing came through so i told you. Let's get some more cards about their personality.

They want a stable and committed partner with a long term vision. They can be a hardworking person. They are undergoing a transformation right now with the death card. They are pretty emotional and romantic. They have the ability to give lots of love to you.

Pile 3

Your dream spouse ❤️‍🔥 ‧₊˚

You want to meet your spouse by destiny or fate just like kdramas. You want someone romantic, caring and loving to you. You may want someone who is like a reward to you. You want someone emotional, you wanna share an emotional and deep connection with your fs. You want a lawyer by profession? You want someone dominating, loyal and family oriented. Someone who works on a high position and offers you stability. You dream of a happily ever after marriage life with your fs. You want someone to heal or fix your broken heart. You want someone who listens to you without telling anything. You want someone rational as well as emotional, a balance of everything. That's good, actually. You secretly desire a soulmate for yourself.

Your real spouse 💓 ‧₊˚

Your fs may have two sisters. Your real life fs is someone who has a lot of options and choices in love but still, somewhere their heart says that no, there is someone else meant for them, that can be you. They're waiting for you. They are someone with a strong will and determination. They always act fast and logically. Whatever They're doing right now, they are starting someone new and afresh, can be a new start in life or work related. Their feminine energy can be a bit imbalanced right now. There is something which stops them from being expressive of their emotional side. This may be due to some childhood issues by a female figure i see. They are facing this blovk right now. But they're working on it.

1K notes · View notes

azrielsdove · 3 months

Note

I had the idea late at night so idk if you don’t want to write that, i understand haha

Reader and azriel are mates and have been for a while, nesta and elain were made and feyre and rhys asked cassian and azriel to look after them. Reader was okay with it but elain showed her a different side then the others, where she is rude and is telling her az will be hers, reader tried to bring it up in private but no one believed her because elain is so nice in front of everyone. Elain starts to sit in readers place and stands next to az, so reader isn’t even going out anymore. Az has a lot of other missions as well and tells reader that he only loves her and elain means nothing to him, maybe elain overheard that. After a mission az gives rhys his reports and then fell asleep on the couch, elain lays down next to him but he is so out that he doesn’t even feel her, reader wants to see after az and sees that, when she is trying to leave, rhys finds her and she shows him everything that happened even the parts where elain was rude, reader then leaves for awhile to get away from everything and azriel just loses it. You could add more angst if you want but i would love for a happy end with az and reader maybe where is is also pregnant?

The Other Woman: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Spiraling thoughts

***

Elain Archeron was quickly becoming the bane of your existence.

You understood the she had gone through incomprehensible trauma along with her sister, and you understood why Rhys would appoint Azriel and Cassian to help them. You had no issue allowing your mate to help the poor girl come back to life, accepting her new fate. No, that was not the problem.

The problem was that she was a nasty, two-faced, bitch.

The first time it happened you were completely taken aback, shocked by the words that had come from the otherwise soft-spoken female.

“He’s going to be mine, you know.”

You had stilled your movements, turning slowly to see her peeking out from the library doors. “Excuse me?” You asked, certain you had misunderstood.

She gave a sneering smile. “Azriel. I’m going to make him mine.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that had burst from you. “Okay then,” you said, moving to continue walking. You made a note to bring it up to your mate later, warn him that Elain may have gotten too attached.

Unfortunately the following days had been hectic, Azriel was sent on a dangerous mission for Rhys. You hadn’t gotten a chance to speak to him, and with the state he came back in you had no interest in adding anything else to his plate.

It happened again a few days later.

“Why would he stay with you when i’m here?” She asked, looking you up and down.

You raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m sorry? What are you on about?”

She rolled her eyes. “Azriel, obviously. Why would he need you any longer? I’m certain I can satisfy him miles better than you can.”

“Mhm,” you mused, nodding at her wild claims. “Do you understand the mating bond?”

She made a noise of annoyance, crossing her arms in front of her. “I have a mate, and I can’t stand him. That ‘bond’ means nothing to me.”

“It means something to Az,” you said, staring her down. “What has he done that makes you think he’s interested?”

She gave a pretty smile, smoothing the skirts of her dress. “Feyre has Rhys, Nesta has Cassian. It only makes sense, does it not? Three sisters, three brothers. He’s smart enough to have already figured it out. The only thing standing in our way is you.”

You hummed at her delusions, turning to leave the room. “Have a nice night, Elain,” you said, acting as if she had just been talking about the weather. You refused to give her the satisfaction of upsetting you.

Some nights later you were sitting with Azriel as he caught up with his brothers, lost in thought while you sipped your wine. You heard a faint call of your name, turning to meet the concerned eyes of your husband. “Are you alright, my love?” He asked, scanning you over for anything amiss.

You smiled, shaking your head. “I’m fine, just thinking.”

“You’re thinking pretty hard there. Az was calling your name for ages,” Cassian laughed, but his eyes showed the same concern. You sighed, taking a bigger drink of your wine.

“I’ve just been dealing with something, that’s all,” you said, swirling the liquid in your glass nonchalantly. Azriel watched you closely, trying to read what was wrong.

“You can always tell us,” Rhys offered, tipping his glass your way.

You took a deep breath, looking down at your hands. “Have any of you ever had any issues with Elain?”

Three blank stares met yours.

“I’ll take that as a no, then,” you muttered into your wine.

“What kind of problems?” Azriel pressed, worry in his expression.

“She’s just been, a little….rude to me.”

Silence.

And then loud laughter.

“Elain?” Cassian gasped out, pounding on the table. “Quiet, docile, Elain? Are you sure you aren’t confusing her with Nesta?” You shot him a nasty look, Rhys’ own chuckle drawing your attention to him.

“How has she been rude?” He asked, not hiding the smile on his face.

You looked down at the ground, embarrassment coloring your cheeks. “Maybe i’m just reading into it. I thought she was jealous…that she was into Az.” You regretted even bringing the topic up as Cassian and Rhys broke out in more laughter.

“No way! Elain has a mate, remember? Why would she go after a married male?” You nodded at Cassian, acknowledging his words.

“Yea, i’m sure i’m just misunderstanding,” you mumbled, draining your glass in an instant. You stood, heading for the door.

“Aw now, we didn’t mean anything bad! It’s just such a shock that Elain would be trying to get Az!” Rhys called out behind you, trying to convince you to stay.

You looked back, eyes connecting with Azriel’s. “I’ll be up shortly,” he said, his unspoken words hanging in the air. He was not going to let his brothers get away with laughing at you. You gave him a small smile and continued out to your room, leaving him to deal with them.

***

Elain only grew worse after that. She started openly flirting with Azriel, laughing at anything he said and placing her hand playfully on his arm. He always pulled away from her, moving to stand by your side as a silent “Stop”.

She didn’t care.

Azriel spent the nights trying to convince you that Elain didn’t matter to him, that you were the only one for him. You wanted to believe him, needed to believe him, but the comments she made when no one else could hear were getting to you.

“You’re too ugly for him.”

“Don’t you think he would want someone younger? Are you even able to give him children at your ancient age?”

“I know he wants me. He looks at me when you aren’t paying attention.”

“You’re pathetic, you know. He deserves better. He deserves someone who can stand proudly at his side.”

Her words swam around your head, eating away at you. You were sinking down into yourself, drowning in self-doubt. What if she was right? What if Azriel really did deserve better?

You began spending more time locked away in your room, an attempt to avoid Elain’s nasty comments. You had no desire to see her throw herself at Azriel, and you didn’t think you could handle much more of her taunting. A rational part of you knew that this was ridiculous, your husband would never give her a second look. Another part of you was embarrassed that this young girl was so good at getting into your head, that she had rendered you a shell of yourself. The largest part of you, unfortunately, bought in to all she said and hid away in shame.

Azriel was getting progressively more worried about you.

“My love,” he murmured, stroking his hand through your hair as he held you close. “I have half a mind to tell Rhys to send her somewhere else. Why does she trouble you so?” He couldn’t understand how Elain had torn down his perfect wife, leaving this ghost in her place.

You buried your face farther into his chest, wishing you could just disappear. “I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

He sighed and held you tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “You are the stars in the sky, the warmth of the sun, the cool breeze under my wings. Nothing, and no one, is comparable to you. Especially not Elain Archeron. You are all there is for me, you are my everything. My heart and my soul. She is nothing to me.”

Tears fell from your eyes and his words prompted you to look up, the love shining on his face washing over you. “I know, Az. I know it’s foolish to allow her to make me doubt us.” You ducked your head down, ashamed. “Though sometimes I still wonder if you should’ve been mated to someone more powerful.”

Azriel clicked his tongue at your age-old concern, a conversation the two of you had gone over many times. “You know as well as I do that that’s not true. You were the one cauldron-made for me. We were sworn to each other from the day of our creation. Do not ever forget that.” He slipped a hand under your chin, bringing you back up to look at him. He studied your face like it was a painting, like he needed to memorize everything he saw. His thumb came up and brushed away your tears as he pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. “Elain will never be what you are.” He kissed you again and again, swallowing your fears with his adoration.

Neither of you noticed the form of the female standing outside the slightly open door.

***

Azriel was tired, shuffling through the house after yet another mission. He hated that he had been gone so often recently, especially with the issues you’ve been having with Elain. He was sick with worry over the whole situation, and was growing aggravated with Rhys’ lack of action. Even when Azriel had spoken to his brother himself, the High Lord still struggled to believe his quiet sister-in-law was being so horrible. Az even went to Feyre, who got upset that he would accuse her sister of such things.

He ran a hand over his face, making his way to the library to find you. He was disheartened when he opened the doors and found you weren’t there. He took a seat on one of the leather couches, deciding to just wait for you there. Azriel knew that you often came around this time to browse the books, and he was too tired to continue searching for you. He gave a gentle tug on the bond to alert you that he was home before tipping his head back and closing his eyes.

***

Elain was positively delighted to find the sleeping form of the Shadowsinger. She looked around quickly to make sure no one saw as she gently closed the doors to the library behind her. She wasted no time in curling up next to him on the couch, resting her head in his lap. She slowly dragged his arm over her waist, a wicked smile coming across her face. She knew you would be coming to find him, and what a sight you would see when you did.

***

The second Cassian dropped you at the House of Wind you were practically running through the halls. When you had felt the tug that meant Azriel was back, you demanded Cass bring you home in the middle of lunch. He grumbled about not being done as you packaged the food up for him, pulling him from the little restaurant. You were in much better spirits today, Elain hadn’t approached you in days. When Cass suggested going down to Velaris to eat you had jumped at the opportunity, excited to be in the happy bustle of people who lived there.

You slid to a stop in front of the library, one of his shadows twisting around your legs. “Hello,” you cooed, a smile on your face. The shadow started moving faster, almost as if it were upset. Worry took over your heart then, concern that Azriel had gotten hurt.

You threw open the library doors and stopped dead in your tracks. There, on the couch, was Azriel. Uninjured, asleep.

And curled up on his lap was Elain.

You stood there in pure horror, not noticing Cassian coming up behind you. “What?” He said, taking in the sight in front of you. You didn’t realize you were shaking in rage until he put his hands on your arms, trying to pull you away.

“Get off of me,” you ground out, ripping your arms out of his grasp. Cassian called your name, trying to stop the explosion that was about to happen. Your vision was red, the anger and pain of seeing the two of them cuddled up like lovers too much to handle. “I’m going to kill them.”

“You will not,” came a powerful voice, Rhys stepping in front of you. “My office. Now.” You wanted to spit at his feet and tell him to shove off, but one look at his eyes told you that wouldn’t end well. You huffed, allowing him to lead you away.

Unnoticed on the couch, Elain smiled.

***

“Why would you stop me?” You practically yelled, pacing back and forth in front of Rhys.

“You can’t murder my brother and sister-in-law in their sleep.” He said, as if this was a regular occurrence.

“That filthy bitch,” you swore, turning to face Rhys head on. “I tried to tell you who she truly was, and no one listened.” You glared at him, crossing your arms in front of you.

“Elain has never showed signs of what you spoke of. As horrible as it is, could it be that Azriel was a part of this?” He regretted the words before he was even done saying them.

“Why do you refuse to believe that she could be playing a dirty game behind your back? Behind everyone’s back? I had no reason to make up lies about her, Rhysand,” you spat out, power crackling at your fingertips.

He stood, coming to stand by your side. He pulled your hands into his, looking down at your glowing fingertips. “Show me,” he said, voice hardly above a whisper. You faltered, power fading away. You were embarrassed to let him see how badly she had affected you, but you knew he would not believe you otherwise.

“Okay,” you whispered, looking up into his eyes. You felt the strange sensation of Rhys entering your mind, pulling through all your memories with Elain. He listened to all the nasty things she said when no one else could hear, and felt the pain she caused you. When he was done he looked ashamed of himself, upset that he had brushed you off.

“I-I’m sorry,” he said, pulling his hands from yours. “I should have trusted you.”

You nodded. “Yea, you should have.” Rhys looked at the ground, his hands in his pockets. “I want to go away for a while. Anywhere. I can’t stand to be around her any longer, and I certainly have no interest in speaking to him.” You couldn’t even say your mates name, the hurt cutting too deep in your chest.

“As you wish,” Rhys said, “I’ll meet you on the balcony in an hour.”

***

Azriel woke with a start. Something was very, very wrong. Starting with the female asleep next to him.

He didn’t stop himself from jumping up, nearly knocking her to the floor. Not that he cared. “What are you doing?!” He hissed between his teeth, angry that she would pull a stunt like this.

Elain smiled up at him prettily, stretching as if she had been asleep for hours. “I was just sleeping, Azriel.” He hated the way she spoke his name, as if it were a sensual demand. “Your sweet little mate didn’t come to you, did she?” She fake pouted, tucking a hand under her chin.

Azriel’s eyes flared, his shadows whipping through the room. He stepped closer to her, hauling her to her feet with a strong grip on her arm. “This game you’re playing is done. Speak to me or my wife again, and I will make sure it’s the last thing you do.” He couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty at the fear in her eyes as he strode from the room, searching for you.

***

Rhys had taken you out to the cabin at your request. You wanted to be somewhere alone, but safe. “What should I tell him?” He asked as he headed to leave.

“Tell him to figure out what he wants before it’s too late.” Rhys nodded, looking you over once more. “If you need anything, i’m just a call away,” he quipped, tapping the side of his head before winnowing out of sight.

You sighed, sinking down into the plush sofa in front of the fireplace. You stared into the burning flames for what felt like hours, lost in your own mind. Azriel wouldn’t have lied to you, would he? Your mate has always been an honest male, had always loved you with everything he had. You found it hard to believe that he was messing around with Elain behind your back, regardless of what you saw. You knew how nasty she could be, and wouldn’t put it past her to pull something like this.

At the same time, the image of his arm draped lovingly around her was burned into your brain. You saw it over and over again, how well they complemented each other. The strong, dark Shadowsinger and the quiet, warm Archeron sister. Had the cauldron made a mistake? You couldn’t help but remember her words, ‘three brothers and three sisters.’ You and Azriel were mated decades before she was born, it could be plausible that the cauldron had made a mistake.

Yet the cauldron had also given Elain her own mate. It wouldn’t mess up twice, would it? Unless the cauldron had meant for you and Lucien to be mated, and Elain with Azriel. Perhaps something got crossed over and the pairings were mixed. Could all your years of joy and love with Azriel be wrong? You never felt anything was awry when you were with him, always feeling like you were truly meant to be.

You sighed and wrapped a blanket tight around you, willing it to keep away the lonely cold. You couldn’t imagine a life without Azriel by your side, and you didn’t know what you would do if that’s what he wanted.

***

“Where is she?!” Azriel bellowed through the halls of the House, shadows infiltrating every room and hallway. Rhys and Cass stood in front of him, trying to calm their brother. “I know you know! What kind of a game are you playing, hiding my own mate from me?!” He was angrier than he had ever been, angry at himself, at Elain, at Rhys. How could he have let Elain play him like that?

“I won’t tell you anything until you’ve calmed down,” Rhys stated, power rising to match Azriel’s.

“Calmed down? You expect me to calm down when that witch has been ruining my mates life, and now she’s disappeared and no one will tell me where she went?!” Azriel was seething, pacing angrily in the hall.

“I’d watch how you speak about my sister, Azriel.” He whirled around to see Feyre, eyes cool as she took in his agitated form.

“Your sister is a disgusting, selfish, spoiled brat! Someone tell me where my mate is before I tear this city apart!” He didn’t care that he was yelling at his High Lady, at his High Lord and brother. All he could see was red, and he was half a second away from leaving the House and looking for her on his own.

“Enough, Azriel,” Rhys commanded, bringing attention back to him. “Feyre, unfortunately it does seem true that Elain has been acting…undesirably.” There was a silence for a moment, her eyes widening as he shared the memories you showed him.

“Oh, Az,” she soothed, taking a step closer and reaching a hand out for him.

“Don’t touch me!” He shouted, pulling back from her. “I need to know where she is. I have to explain that what she saw was a dirty trick.” The anger was fading from his voice, despair taking over. What if you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore? He wouldn’t be able to handle losing you over this.

“Az,” Rhys started, voice calm. “She asked to go away. You’re going to have to give her time to process what has happened.” He took a step towards his brother. “I am sorry I didn’t listen before. She showed me her memories, of everything Elain had said. She will be dealt with, I promise you. I should have never let it get this bad.”

Azriel knew it wasn’t entirely his fault, but that didn’t stop him from lashing out. “Yea, you should’ve listened. When has she ever lied to you, Rhysand?” He shook his head. “Let me know if she contacts you,” was the last thing he said before storming off towards your shared room.

***

Some time had passed since you left Velaris, and the loneliness was threatening to overtake you. You had felt some tugs on the bond once Azriel realized you were gone, and had shut him out. You didn’t need him bothering you as you tried to figure out what to do. After pondering for days, you still had no idea what was true or not. You felt like you were losing your grip on reality, that you were sinking down into a pit of your own creation. You’d hardly moved from the couch since you arrived, staring into the endless flames.

A knock at the door startled you, but you no longer had the energy to truly care. You turned your head slowly to see Rhys walk in, eyes full of worry. “Have you moved at all?” He asked, taking in that the food he had left was untouched.

You shrugged.

Rhys came and sat next to you on the couch, looking you over. “He’s losing it without you,” he said softly, unsure what kind of mental state you were in.

Your eyes moved from the fire to him, stare blank. “I think you should come home. Being out here alone isn’t doing you any good. You’re withering away to nothing.”

Good. You’d rather disappear than live with the idea of Azriel and Elain. Rhys seemed to read this on your face, gingerly grabbing one of your hands in his own. “She’s been removed from the House. She’s not allowed out without Feyre or myself with her. She won’t hurt you anymore.”

You blinked. “What does Azriel think?” You asked, voice hoarse from no use.

“Az couldn’t care less about her. He’s worried about you.” There was a pleading in his eyes, begging you to come back with him.

“What if she was supposed to be cauldron-made for him?” Your voice was quiet, broken. You could feel the pain of your words as they hit Rhys, the shame of having ignored your attempts at warning him how Elain truly was.

“She isn’t. Even if you and Azriel were not mates, I have never met two people more suited for each other than you. It is clear that the love you hold is a special thing, something most won’t ever experience.” He tugs your hand closer. “Please. Come home.”

You didn’t know Rhys to lie to you, and your heart longed for Azriel. You couldn’t hide from this forever, regardless of how it turned out. “Okay,” you said, allowing him to pull you to your feet and winnow you back to Velaris.

***

Azriel was waiting when Rhys flew you back to the House, eyes wide as he took in the state of you. When Rhys set you down you immediately stumbled, head light from the lack of eating and sleeping. Azriel caught you before you could hit the ground, an alarmed gaze shooting to Rhys. “We will talk later,” he said, “take her to your room. I’ll send for Madja to check her over soon.”

Azriel nodded his thanks and carried you to your room, tucking you into the bed. You sunk into the familiar smell of him, trying to force the spinning in your head to disappear. “My love,” Azriel murmured, brushing hair out of your face. “What have I done?”

You opened your eyes and took him in. Truthfully, he didn’t look much better than you. There were deep shadows under his eyes, and his face was unusually gaunt. The stress of this situation had clearly taken its toll on the both of you.

“Are you in love with her?” You asked, tears pricking at the back of your eyes.

Azriel looked at you as if you had grown two heads.

“I’m sorry? In love with Elain? In hate with her is more like it.” You couldn’t deny the acid that dripped from his words, the anger the permeated the room.

“I saw you two. Asleep in the library.”

He scoffed. “I fell asleep waiting for you. She took it upon herself to take advantage of the situation.” He looked down at his hands, silver lining his eyes. “I never should have let it go this far.”

You sat up slowly, reaching out for him. Azriel moved quickly, gently laying you back down as he laid beside you. “Easy, my love. Your body is weak.” You hadn’t realized how bad you had gotten during your time at the cabin, suddenly feeling dizzy and sick.

“I’m so sorry, Az. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t handle it,” you sobbed, not even noticing the tears that had started falling.

“No, no. Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I should’ve fought harder against her, tried harder to get Rhys to listen.” He cupped your cheek, running his thumb through your tears. You curled into his touch, allowing him to wrap his arms around you and pull you to his chest.

You cried until your head was pounding, Azriel whispering sweet nothings into your ears. “I love you. Only you.” Your tears slowly stopped, until you felt confident enough to look up at him.

“I love you. I shouldn’t have doubted you,” you said, leaning up to kiss him.

A knock sounded at the door. Azriel jumped up to get it, letting Madja into the room. She began checking you over, tsking at the state of you. “I’ll give you something for dehydration, and you’ll need to start introducing food again. Start with soup, and work your way up. I have a sleep aid as well, I recommend you take it promptly.” She ran her hands over your arms and legs, ensuring all your bones were still in good shape. She did the same over your head, shoulders, and chest.

“Your heart sounds good, and your lungs are working well. You were lucky the High Lord came when he did, much more of letting yourself wither away and you’d have a significantly harder recovery ahead of you,” she chided, continuing her check of your body. Her hands swept over your abdomen before she paused, bringing them back up. “Ah,” she murmured, Azriel immediately on guard.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” He asked, gripping your hand a tad too tightly.

Madja shook her head. “No, nothing is wrong.” She looked up at you and cocked her head. “You are a lucky girl, you know. Not many pregnant fae could have refused food and drink for that long and still kept a reasonably healthy body and fetus.”

You stared at her.

She stared back.

Azriel stared at the both of you.

“What?” You finally asked, breaking the silence that had settled over the room.

She smiled, pressing her hands against your abdomen again. “A baby. Healthy, winged, i’d say 12 or so weeks along?” 12 weeks? You did the math in your head, realizing with a start that around 12 weeks ago Elain started terrorizing you. That shortly after that her words began affecting you worse and worse, that you couldn’t understand why she was able to make you so upset.

Now you knew.

“A baby,” Azriel whispered, looking at you. Madja took that as her cue to leave, placing the medicine on your nightstand and slipping from the room. He pulled you into his arms, inhaling your scent deeply. Sure enough, there it was. A lighter, fresh scent hidden under yours. He must have missed it throughout the recent stress and his back-to-back missions.

“A baby,” you whispered back, more tears threatening to fall. “Our baby.”

You saw tears of his own in Azriel’s eyes as he leaned down to kiss you, whispering “baby” in between each kiss.

The ordeal with Elain behind you, you allowed yourself to slip off into sleep, dreams of your future with Azriel and your child playing in your mind.

***

I’m so sorry this took so long for me to finish! I got into a bit of a writing rut, but I hope this was what you wanted. Thank you so much for your request! <3

#acotar x reader #azriel x reader #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #acotar x you #acotar x y/n #requests #the other woman

914 notes · View notes

heytheredelulu · 26 days

Text

Sometimes my brain imagines Bucky befriending another ex HYDRA agent (The Winter Rose) that I totally made up in my head and they bond over their shared trauma and begin to toe that fine line of friendship and budding romance but she’s too afraid to cross that line and risk losing him and it’s like:

She places one hand flat against his chest, the other moving to grip his jaw and pull him a breath away from her mouth. Tears brim her eyes and she blinks them back, inhaling a shaky breath before she speaks in a low voice.

“HYDRA broke my mind. They broke my soul and I survived. But you.. if you..” She falters and uses the hand on his chest to prod him with a finger. “If you break my heart, I won’t survive it.. do you understand?” She whispers.

His brows knit in concern and he reaches up to wrap his fingers around her wrist, lowering her hand from his chest. “Do you really think that I could ever hurt you?” He asks softly, the pain evident in his voice.

“Everyone in my life has cut me, Sarge.” She whispers, loosening her grip on his chin. “And I’m so goddamned sick of bleedin’.”

He shakes his head, a heavy sigh escaping his parted lips. “I could never hurt you.” He says firmly, his blue eyes pinning her under his gaze.

“And how do I know that? How do I know you’re still gonna be in my bed when I wake up tomorrow?” She asks, her bottom lip quivering slightly. “Because I want you, I want you bad, and I’m so close to crossing that line but that little shred of self preservation in my head is tellin’ me I wouldn’t survive it if you snuck out before the sun came up.”

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #sergeant james barnes #sergeant james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #james barnes

288 notes · View notes

foreverdolly · 1 month

Text

a lil sneak peak of the pre-edited third chapter of "savage bonds" to help ease everyone's monday blues.

The world just fell away, like ink on wet paper- it all bled around him. All sound and sight ebbed away, the only thing visible in his rage being your tear filled eyes. Feyd had seen looks of pure terror on the faces of men he had bested countless times before. It never meant much to him. The lives he had taken never weighed heavy on his shoulders. He never cared much for anything aside from his own ambitions. He had goals- found minor joy in sharpening his mind and his blades.

He had carried his memories of you from childhood with him into adulthood, each glance and nervous smile acted as a balm that soothed any future traumas or worries. He knew that one day he would be standing exactly where he was right then, with you within arms length.

This wasn’t what he had pictured throughout the years though. Nothing could have prepared him for what he was currently witnessing.

Women bled the same as men did. He never felt overly-noble when it came to protecting them, no matter how weak or frail they looked. Feyd understood that it was survival of the fittest. People lost their lives every day in much crueler ways than suffocation. . .

But the guard had his hands around your throat, and in that moment Feyd no longer saw the proud woman that had managed to nearly knock him off of his feet earlier. No, in that moment you looked just like that six year old little girl he had always cared for so dearly. You looked exactly how he had left you- scared, fragile and innocent. Feyd-Rautha wasn’t quite sure what love was, but he could imagine that it must be what he felt for you. Losing you was an impossibility, he’d never let it happen. He couldn’t.

#savage bonds fic #feyd rautha fic #feyd rautha #dune #dune part two #dune part 2

277 notes · View notes

abruisedmuse · 2 months

Text

Yall are delusional if you think Nesta is going to leave Cassian or the night court. First, they are mated. Not just mates. Mated. They accepted the bond, and SJM loves her Heas. It's a done deal. So either keep reading and deal with it or drop the series and find something you enjoy. Not to mention if they even could break the bond, how empty and broken Nesta would be for eternity. You really want that for her?

HOFAS happened three months after acosf. There's still alot of healing on Nesta’s part. Just because she saved Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx doesn't mean things are swept under the rug with them. Her and Cassian are both fiery and stubborn. They are going to have arguments. Honestly, it's perfectly normal for them to argue on occasion.

This. What Nesta did in HOFAS. Went beyond her and Cassian, beyond Rhys. This was a decision that Nesta should not have made herself. Yes I understand that she saw Bryce's desperation and understood her. She probably put herself in Bryces shoes for a moment. She took a chance. But it's a huge fucken chance because they don't know nor trust Bryce fully. And if she failed the whole of Prythian/Midgard is fucked. They have nothing to defend themselves against the weaponry Rigelus has. They will all die. Including Nesta Archeron.

Rhys had every right to scold her. And Her saying he's not her High Lord isn't accurate. She lives in his lands. Whether she wants to admit it or not. If any of the courts got wind of what was happening with Bryce or that Nesta gave this mask up to a stranger from another world do you know who would be faulted? Not Nesta. Rhys and Feyre would. They would suffer the consequences because Nesta falls under their lands. Their rule.

And now Cassian, who apparently had never defended Nesta once. Again. Nesta was In. The. Wrong. Her actions were beneficial and understandable but wrong. Cassian being upset and disappointed in her would absolutely make sense. Think of times in TOG, when Rowan wasn't happy with Aelin. He stood there silent until they were alone. That's more than likely what happened. Cassian didn't say his piece until everyone left. It's an argument between Nesta and Cassian and no one else.

That argument. The one that happened off page yet everyone wants to fucking crucify Cassian over cause you think you know what he said. When in reality you don't. Is wild. Three months ago, when she was with Emerie and Gwyn, they were taken and placed in the Blood Rite where he was helpless in going to her. He lost her briefly in the bog, watched her put her life at risk. How many times in acosf? He went a year or so watching Nesta absolutely ruin herself, had her lay over his body in front of Hybern, almost losing her, them, then too. Now, someone, a stranger and someone potentially dangerous, opened a portal in his living room where his mate was. And he wasn't there. All that trauma and ptsd he keeps on lock was blown wide open.

So now Cassian is a storm of emotions when he arrives home. Probably arrived mid argument between Nesta and Rhys, and the entire flight was given brief details of what's happening fueling his emotions. His fear, trauma, concern, disappointment, and anger. When Rhys leaves, Cassian and Nesta got into it. Sure he was pissed about the mask anyone would be. I would be. I personally think it goes on beyond that. Far beyond it. Nesta’s life, once again, was put a risk and no one knew what Bryce wanted. Cassian’s worst fear when the portal was open, was Bryce taking Nesta and never seeing her again. All that came out in their fight.

As readers, we know Bryce's intentions are good. They as characters who haven't been given the best view of Bryce dont believe it. Yes, I do think there needs to be more trust in Nesta. Especially where Rhys is considered. Cassian, as her mate, blowing things out of proportion is logical cause all mates have done it at some point. But yeah he needs to trust her a bit more too. He trusts her more than Rhys does that's for sure.

To play devil's advocate, I could be wrong on Cassian and Nesta and their fight. Absolutely. Im not Sarah. But neither are you who are wishing he dies, and Nesta leaves him over a risk that was never hers to make alone when it involves the whole world of Midgard.

If you read this entire thing and disagree. That's cool. The unfollow and block buttons are right there.

#im so fucking tired of seeing this #leave Cassian alone jfc #until we have confirmation of exactly what went down its all speculation #hofas spoilers #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #rhysand #feyre archeron #feysand #bryce quinlan #pro cassian #pro nessian #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #crescent city #house of flame and shadow

313 notes · View notes

azrielslightintheshadows · 5 months

Note

I have an idea!

Y/n has always been in love with Az since they were young (they’re mate but he doesn’t know) but he pushed her feelings aside because he was in love with Mor. Y/n always paid him attention and did everything the would please him. However, she was under the mountain with Rhys for 50 years. When she came back and found that Az is now falling for Elain, she’s changed into a different person. She is cold and tired of chasing after him and now just doesn’t give a fck anymore. Az realizes what he is losing and has to grovel hard to get his mate back.

Im so sorry if this is long😂 it’s just my 4am brain going wild.

Alive.

Azriel x f!Reader

Warnings; angst, mentions of abuse, trauma, death and scars.

Masterlist

Oof this took way too long to write. I think this is my favorite request. I tried to follow the whole plot. I hope you enjoy it!

You loved your family more than your heart could handle, but you couldn’t go back right away. After you and Rhysand were freed from Amarantha thanks to the human girl -Feyre, you hugged him and said your goodbye.

“Rhys I’m sorry, I can’t go back yet… I need some time to mourn all the years that I lost…. I… I need some time to find myself.” Tears were streaming down your face. Rhys was looking at you with a pained expression, he understood where all this was coming from, he understood your trauma, so with a kiss on your forehead he said his goodbye and winnowed to Velaris -probably.

You were staring at the house of wind, your thoughts running to the past, when you and Rhys separated you found shelter in the day court, Helion was going through the same trauma too, so you helped each other. Another reason why you didn’t want to come back though was the shadowsinger of the night court. You met him a while after he had won the blood rite and immediately fell for him, you thought that you were meant to be together and when the mating bond snapped for you, everything made sense and your feelings towards him only grew. But it didn’t snap for him, and he didn’t have feelings for you… you spent the next years watching him pinning after Mor and when you had enough and told him how you felt he brushed you off and became distant. You kept caring for him though, pleasing him became your obsession, and he would smile at you, thank you and become distant again. You took a deep breath and called Rhys in your mind, in a blink he appeared in front of you and engulfed you in his arms.

“I missed you so much” he whispered.

“I missed you too” your eyes watered.

“Let’s get you to the house of wind everyone should be there at this time” you nodded, and he picked you up, his wings emerging from darkness, and you were off into the sky. You landed and you couldn’t hold the giggles back, it had been a while since the last time you flew, and you missed it. Cassian probably heard your giggles and ran outside, a shocked expression on his face that turned into tears as he picked you up and span you around.

“You’re back” he boomed and tightened his hold on you. “You’re back… you’re back” he repeated. Cassian always considered you his little sister, the friendship you two always had was special. You couldn’t hold back the tears as you kept whispering “I love you” to him.

After a while he let go of you and you walked inside, Mor and Amren were standing, their faces decorated with bright smiles. Feyre was behind them and she stared at you like she had seen a ghost, you had appeared in her cell under the mountain a couple of times to ease her pain and kept yourself hidden in the crowd when she would be let out. You didn’t want her to recognise you in case someone found out that you were helping her, so now that she saw you again, she knew she wasn’t dreaming back then. You glanced at the table, two females were sitting there, one had a hard expression on her face and the other a sweet smile. Azriel was sitting next to the second one his eyes wide as he saw you. “Hey” you breathed and chuckled when Mor and Amren jumped on you, Cassian’s arms were instantly on your waist to keep you from falling backwards. “We missed you so much” Mor cried. What shocked you though was Amren’s teary eyes, you had never seen her showing any emotion.

“I’m glad you’re back girl” she said and hurried off somewhere -probably to hide her tears.

You glanced at Feyre with a smile, you didn’t want her to thank you, so you nodded and she understood, “Welcome back” she smiled.

“This is my oldest sister Nesta, and this is the middle one Elain.” She continued and the girls nodded in greeting. “Nice to meet you I’m y/n one of the bastards in this group” you chuckled and pointed to Cass and Azriel. The shadowsinger was still frozen in his spot.

“Tough crowd” you muttered to Rhys when they didn’t laugh.

“You’re back…” Azriel’s voice made everyone whip their heads towards him.

“I think we established that” you replied, and he blushed. You expected his shadows to appear and cover his face, but they didn’t. Weird. You thought.

Cassian broke the silence “I think we should have a party today, to welcome you back…... like the old days”.

“Oh no, I’m not in the mood for a party” you groaned. “Okay then just us, a few bottles of wine and snacks” he pushed, his eyes were pleading you and your heart broke. “Okay” you replied with a soft smile.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“So, Cassian and Nesta are mates and Elain is Lucien’s mate?” you asked Mor. She was currently sitting on your bed watching you unpack your stuff and telling you what you had missed.

“Yes, but Azriel is courting her and I think she likes him too” Mor rolled her eyes. You froze. Azriel pinning after Mor was something you came into terms with and accepted as the reason he didn’t have feelings for you. But now… turns out you weren’t enough for him. He wasn’t obsessed with Mor he just didn’t have anyone better to pursue. And that hurt. Fuck him, I went through enough under the mountain I won’t let him hurt me again. I’m done. You decided and ignored the pain in your chest.

“Mor… let’s go to Rita’s tomorrow it has been a while since I had a male in my bed” you told her and she cheered.

You stared at your old clothes, the scandalous dresses you used to wear when you visited the court of nightmares, the leathers you wore in battle, and the leggings and crop tops you used to wear in training. The girl that wore those was cheerful, kind and cared about others so much that she would put them above herself. That girl was dead, she died under the mountain, Amarantha killed her and although Rhys tried to save her, keep her from harm’s way he couldn’t. You picked a tight pair of pants and a crop top. The scars you got from Amarantha’s guards on display, whenever Rhysand wouldn’t do something she asked him to she would torture you until he broke. You didn’t accuse him for it, when he would find you later that day with tears streaming down his face you would tell him that everything is fine and he would fall asleep in your arms, only then he would stop sobbing.

You shook your head and headed to the main room, 4 bottles of wine were placed on the table and bowls filled with snacks around them. Mor and Amren were sitting in front of the fireplace, Rhysand on the armchair next to them with Feyre on his lap, Cassian and Nesta on the big sofa and Azriel with Elain on the ground in front of them. Azriel stared at you, and you ignored him taking a seat next to Mor and grabbing one glass of wine. No one questioned you about where you have been, you saw the glances at your scarred abdomen but still no one dared to say anything. You were talking with Mor and Amren when Azriel cleared his throat, the sound way too close. You slowly turned your head towards him, he wasn’t across the room anymore, he was standing right next to you, so close that you could feel his warmth, you glanced up to him. “Can we talk?” he asked, his hands behind his back and a sad look on his face.

“Yes, what is it?” you replied with a bored look.

“Alone” he was panicking.

“Oh, then no” you smiled.

He blinked, he didn’t expect that, he was used to you saying yes to everything he wanted. And now not only did you say no to him, but you also returned to the conversation you were having with Mor completely unbothered.

“Please” he spoke again and this time his voice was breaking.

“Azriel… as you can clearly see I’m having a conversation right now. Please stop interrupting and get back to your seat, I will come to you when I’m done” The polite smile on your face told him everything he needed to know, you weren’t mad, you just didn’t care anymore, you were done. He gulped and nodded. Cassian placed his hand on Azriel’s shoulder and pulled him back, he guided him to the hall. “What are you doing?” Cassian growled.

“It’s none of your business” Azriel growled back. The shadowsinger’s eyes were challenging him and Cassian pushed him against the wall.

“We just got her back I won’t let you scare her away or hurt her, if you want to get your dick wet sweet Elain will gladly let you. Back the fuck off” Cassian’s voice was lethal, he had never used this tone on his brother. Azriel was fuming, he flared his wings against the wall to get some force and pushed the warlord back.

“It’s not like that and you fucking know it” he hissed. “I just saw her again after all this time… I fucking love her and she is so cold to me that I think I will go mad”.

“Well, it’s too late now, she clearly doesn’t care about you like that anymore so let her go” Cassian pushed him off and left.

When they returned you sent Cassian a questioning look, but he brushed you off, Azriel was seething. When Mor finished the story she was telling you about a girl she met you walked up to Azriel. “I’m available now”.

He got up and gestured you to follow him, Cassian growled. What’s happening? You thought.

He entered his room and waited for you before closing the door.

“Trying to get me into your bed shadowsinger?” you quirked your brow.

“Would you like that?” he asked, and you almost choked on air. “I will pass” you replied.

“How have you been?” he was fidgeting.

“You brought me here to ask that?” you rolled your eyes “Fine I guess, still healing”.

“Did I do something?” he stared at you. “No, why?” “You are ignoring me and whenever I try to approach you I find a cold wall” he replied. “Everything’s fine can I go now?” you shrugged. “Y/n please…” he stopped.

“Please what?” you snapped. He couldn’t look at you, his scarred arms were hidden behind his back and for the first time since you arrived his shadows emerged, most of them covered their master and the rest came to you, slithering around your body and caressing your cheek. “There you are” you giggled and lifted your hand, they happily circled around your wrist and some nested into your palm. Azriel had a soft look on his face at the sight. And then two things happened, two things that he would remember for the rest of his life.

The bond snapped.

And Elain burst in with an annoyed look on her face, making you flinch and then scoff before leaving his room.

You didn’t go back to the main room, you weren’t in the mood anymore, so you entered your bedroom and locked the door. You promised you wouldn’t let him hurt you again and yet here you are alone in your room feeling an ache in your chest. Everything’s fine I will go out with Mor tomorrow and I will forget about him. And with that thought you fell asleep.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Morning came faster than you would like and with a groan you headed to the dining room to get breakfast. Mor, Cassian, Nesta and Elain were already there, you took a seat next to Mor and a plate filled with food appeared in front of you. Elain was glaring at you, you brushed her off and started eating. She scoffed.

“What?” you asked before slamming your fork on the table making her flinch, you smirked.

“Couldn’t you just stay wherever you were? Why did you have to come back and destroy everything?” she asked, her voice breaking and tears streaming down her face.

“Oh please who are you to ask me why I returned to my home? I was here way too long before you, so please shut up. I’m not planning to steal your pretty boyfriend. I couldn’t care less about him or you.” You chuckled and picked up your fork again completely dismissing her.

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want him, he wants you.” She whispered. This piqued your interest and you glanced at her. “He left me yesterday” she continued.

“You will find someone else” you shrugged, and she scoffed before leaving. “Ouch” Cassian said, and you giggled. Nesta had a hard look on her face, but she didn’t dare to speak, she knew what you meant to the inner circle, and she didn’t want to cause any more trouble.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Evening found you in your room with Mor, both of you spent the day there with a bottle of wine. You were both drunk so getting dressed for your night out took way more time than it normally would.

You hadn’t noticed the dress you picked until you were ready and didn’t have time to change. It was a short blue dress the same shade as Azriel’s siphons. Your back was bare, and the low cut showed off your cleavage, Mor whistled when she saw you. You liked the dress too, you just wished you could change the colour. You shook your head and followed Mor, everyone was sitting in the dining room, their heads snapped in your direction when you walked in.

“We’re going out” Mor informed them and grabbed your hand. “Byee” you giggled as she pulled you away.

You caught a glimpse of the shadowsinger. He was staring at you, a mesmerized look on his face as he took you in. He licked his lips and you almost moaned. Stop it. You reprimanded yourself. You walked out and Mor winnowed you at Rita’s.

“Oh I missed this place” you said with a sigh and smiled. Mor giggled and walked inside.

The place was still the same and quick enough you found yourself dancing and having the time of your life with Mor. You felt someone behind you and hands grabbing your waist, you leaned back and let the stranger grind on you. Mor winked and took a few steps back, the smile on her face vanishing as her eyes widened and before you could react the stranger was yanked away, and you heard a loud cracking noise over the music. You turned around and were met with the sight of a strong back and huge stretched wings. “What the fuck” you yelled and Azriel spun around, he grabbed you and his shadows engulfed you. When the darkness faded you were on a field.

You knew this field, he would take you here whenever you were sad, the view of the whole city and the sparkling flowers always made you feel better. “What the fuck was that?” you screamed.

“What did you expect me to do when I saw another male grinding against my mate?” he screamed too, his voice so loud that the ground trembled. His eyes were wide, and his body tensed with every move you made.

“Oh that’s what this is all about” you laughed. “Your mate. Not me -your mate.”

“No.” he growled “I have loved you way too long before the bond snapped you can ask Cassian… I tried to tell you but Elain interrupted us and at the same time the bond snapped”.

“Too late Az” you whispered. “No it can’t be… please” his eyes watered “I always loved you but I was scared I would lose you if I told you so I pretended that I wanted Mor and then you told me you love me and I didn’t know what to do, so I pushed you away and then Amarantha took you and I thought I lost a piece of my soul. Every day I tried to leave Velaris to find you, but the wards pushed me back. And then Rhysand came back, and you didn’t. I begged him to let me come find you, but he wouldn’t let me. He asked me to give you space, he told me you needed to heal, and I let you. And then you wouldn’t come back, every day I waited for you, but you wouldn’t come” at this point he was crying, his sobs interrupting him. With a deep breath he continued. “I was losing my mind and when Elain started flirting with me, I decided to give it a try, maybe I could get over you with her… I couldn’t but at least she kept me from losing my mind. And then you came back and at first I thought about not telling you but I realized what I was losing and I couldn’t stay away anymore.”

You felt dizzy, every word hitting you with so much force that it took your breath away.

“I will do anything to make it up to you, just say what you want me to do, and I will… I will give you anything you want, even my life, even my wings” he cried and knelt in front of you. His hands grabbed Truth-Teller and he offered it to you “cut them off if you wish I won’t hate you”.

Now you were crying too. He was kneeling in front of you with his head bowed, his hands offering Truth-Teller and his wings stretched behind him to give you easy access.

You grabbed his jaw your palms filling with his tears, and you lifted his head. You knelt too and stared into his eyes.

“Don’t you ever think like that again. I love your wings; I would die to protect them. I love your hazel eyes, I love your scarred hands, I love your body and I love your stupid face. Please don’t make me regret this.” You said and kissed him.

Maybe that girl didn’t die under the mountain, or maybe Azriel brought her back to life either way you were glad. You were alive again.

Requests are open!

633 notes · View notes

spacedace · 1 year

Text

I love the posts talking about how everyone in the BatFam keeps stealing all of Dick's friends and it made me think of a dc x dp thing where Dick keeps stealing the Fentons from his various siblings.

Dick and Jazz become best friends, bonding over their Eldest Sister Complex, worrying over their younger siblings and the stress of trying to be the diplomats between their parents and younger siblings. They get into their shared trauma of a younger brother dying and coming back and how they feel like they're not doing enough to help and help each other with the hard days.

All while Jason is annoyed that his older brother keeps stealing his girlfriend so they can have a No-Siblings Spa Day.

Danny thinks Dick is the coolest dude ever and looks up to him as someone who started being a vigilante at a young age and knows hoe hard it is to be a kid fighting guys bigger and meaner than you. They have the most god awful pun competitions where the only true loser is everyone else stuck listening to them. Dick teaches Danny insane aerial stunts and they have fun giving everyone around them heart attacks by throwing themselves off the highest buildings possible.

Tim is losing his mind because Dick will just drop in while he and Danny are mid date and derail everything by delivering the worst joke Tim had heard in his life and the two are off trying to out cornball each other.

Damian thinks he's safe because he and Elle aren't dating - aro/ace queer platonic Damian/Elle superiority- but NO, Elle and Dick have a blast hanging out and pranking everyone and being total chaos gremlins. And they talk about the joys of traveling around and Dick talks about how that was one of the hardest things about living with Bruce after his parents were killed was that he was suddenly stuck in one place and then he and Elle are off on a spontaneous road trip.

Damian gets a call from Elle that she can’t join him for dinner because she and Richard are in Peru and about to get on a boat to they don't know where but they probably won't have cell service for a while.

Just, Dick getting his revenge on his siblings by "stealing" the Fentons from them 😂

#dc x dp #dp x dc #batman #danny phantom #dick grayson #jazz fenton #danny fenton #danielle fenton #dani phantom #jason todd #tim drake #ace damian wayne #anger management #brain dead #queer platonic damian and danielle #let 👏 dick 👏 have 👏 vengence 👏#(by being besties with all his younger bros' significant others)#put this under things that for sure are going to end up in the Uncle Oz AU lol

2K notes · View notes

thenerdyindividual · 1 year

Text

Rewatching A Crown of Candy had reminded me how much I hate Saccharina. She is such a well done character. Her expectations are completely out of line with reality. The Rocks family lost Jet less than two weeks before meeting Saccharina, and they’ve had no time to process their grief. They’ve been running for their lives for even longer with out any idea that Saccharina existed, and have had no time to come to terms with everything. Calroy, someone they cared about and trusted, was directly responsible for the state of affairs, including Jet’s death. There’s been no time to process a betrayal that profound. Ruby, Jet, and Liam went from being rambunctious teens to war guys, and they haven’t been able to figure out what that means for them.

Despite all that, Saccharina expects them to play happy families immediately because she’s known of them her entire life. Then, because of her background, she takes every instance of tension as a personal slight. There’s no consideration for what the Rocks have been through because she’s experienced pain too. She is so focused on the distance she feels with Ruby and Amethar, she ignores that the rest of the party has been welcoming to her. Theo gave his loyalty to her within minutes of meeting her. Cumulus bonds with her over Lazuli. Liam is… well he’s Liam. He’s an awkward guy with everyone, but he is welcoming to her too. Amethar is doing his best but Saccharina doesn’t consider that his struggles to bond with her have nothing to do with her. He lost a daughter and now is being asked to accept another daughter he didn’t know about on the heels of that loss. Ruby didn’t just lose her twin, she lost her best friend, but Saccharina expects Ruby to put aside her grief to welcome a new sister with open arms. Just a couple episodes before, Ruby is “warging into Yak so I don’t have to be in my fucking body” and saying she felt like she died the day Jet did. Yet when she tries to explain all of the grief and trauma to Saccharina, Saccharina’s response was “I was born with nothing”.

What makes all this so brilliant (besides Emily Axford’s rp and character choices) is how if the tables were turned, we’d hate the Rocks family. As @anarchycox pointed out, if this was a YA novel where we had been following Saccharina’s point of view, we’d hate Amethar and Ruby for not accepting Saccharina. We’d be raging and saying things like “She’s your daughter! You’re meant to love her, you asshole!” After everything Saccharina has been through, we’d be pissed that she couldn’t get a happy reunion. There would be no question that we were on Saccharina’s side.

It is the only time I’ve experienced feeling guilty about hating a character. Normally, when I hate a character it feels good to hate them. They’re a bad guy and it’s fun to tell them to go fuck themselves. Saccharina isn’t a bad guy, or even an antagonist. She’s is an ally, and a deeply flawed and wounded character.

I still hate her.

It’s brilliant. Emily Axford you’ve done it again.

#dimension 20 #acoc #d20 acoc #a crown of candy #d20 a crown of candy #d20 #saccharina frostwhip #saccharina ghee #ruby rocks #amethar rocks #king amethar #jet rocks #dimension 20 a crown of candy

937 notes · View notes

byers-bowlcut · 1 year

Text

Mike’s love for El being platonic, and not romantic, and realizing it over the course of season 3 reconciles nearly every contradiction with his behaviour.

He stands like a gay scarecrow as she kisses him in front of Will’s closet. That's him realizing that when he blurted out "I love her and I can't lose her again!" he meant it platonically. But her saying "ily too” WAS CLEARLY NOT PLATONIC, so now he’s left very confused (If he was simply shocked by the fact that she overheard him, he would’ve been surprised initially, and then kissed her back, and been all emotional and happy. But he wasnt.)

In fact he probably realized his heart fluttered when Will said “not possible” to him in the scene literally 1 minute prior, but NOT when his gf was attempting to make out with him? That’s clearly a problem! lol

This leads flawlessly into season 4.

Mike has apparently been refusing to even write the word 'love’ in his letters for 6 whole months. Why? Cause he didn't want them to look like love letters.

Meanwhile, he’s jealous of Will painting something for a girl. So he argues with Will about growing apart.

El argues with him about not saying ily. In the fight, he deflects romantic connotations with words like “care” and superhero idolization that he seems suuuper into this season.

He NODS when Will says “What if they don’t like the truth?”. That’s him thinking “Yeah, El won’t like the truth that I don't return her romantic feelings.”

In the van, he says their meeting was dumb luck and anyone could've been there for her that night. That’s hinting that he was just being a decent human. Not that it was a fated love at first sight meeting.

Then Will says, “You’re afraid of losing her”. And THAT is the true issue here.

This whole concept of ‘losing El’ (be it in relationship/daily life, or in death), is scary to Mike, because of what he went through seasons 1-2. At 12 years old, he saw another kid that he developed a bond with, die right in front of his freaking eyes. But they didn’t have a body or anything. So Mike kept getting signs and intuitive feelings that she was still alive. So he questioned his own sanity. For a WHOLE YEAR. Can you imagine how traumatic that is? And then for a kid that age?? That’s exactly why he develops an unhealthy codependency with her in Season 3. And we see it have a negative impact on the unity of the party, and on Will.

But a traumatic response doesn’t change the fact that Season 3 transitions us through the party’s puberty and growth into teenage hood.

And because of said puberty, Mike starts to realize what actual attraction towards someone is, or in this case… isnt.

Like if we think about the first two seasons, for a 12-13 year old living in that type of society, era, and a picture perfect white suburban American family, it would’ve been really really hard to figure it out back then! Like simply becoming very close friends with the opposite gender caused everyone (cough Nancy cough Lucas) to tell him that “ooooh you must like her”. So yeah, he thinks “I really must like her”. Because he does! He just can’t separate it from actual romantic attraction at that point due to age, and strong heteronormative standards, and no role models like Jonathan telling him “it’s okay to stray from the norm bro”. So of course he acts on it? That’s the NORM. He’s like, “You’re supposed to take a girl you like to the ball”, “We're supposed like girls now”, “This is what growing up means”, “This what old people do”. Like HELLO? Mike says stuff similar to that constantly. Dustin and Lucas do not. So yeah, it can be easily be read as heteronormativity. Not romantic attraction!

And so despite wanting to spend every day in the summer with El because of copious amounts of trauma from S1-2, he can’t continue believing its romantic attraction when his hormones say otherwise.

Like just look at their kissing scenes S3-4:

Seasons 3 starts with him pulling her hands OFF of him when kissing. He’s voluntarily kissing her instead of spending time with his friends, cause he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do as he’s “not a kid anymore!”, yet he’s evidently not even enjoying it if he’s taking her hands off lol. Then by the end of the season he doesn’t even kiss back, and has his eyes wide open. Then six months later, when he’s way more self aware of his own feelings, this dude wears SUNGLASSES to the airport. We (and all the characters there) can’t even see his true expression when kissing her. And what’s more, he puts the bouquet of flowers between their bodies, to SEPARATE FASTER. When he could’ve very easily put that hand/arm around her, not between them (that's what he does with his other hand holding the bags).

And all of this: all this repression, the contradictions, the unsaid things... it all culminates to the monologue. Will told Mike in the van that El really needed him. And then Will reminds him of this again when El is in the piggyback, cause Will is annoying! (jokes lol). So of course, all rationality, all of Mike's realizations or progression, goes out the window. After all, he is THE HEART. He is needed by her. He can’t go through what he went through in season 1-2 again! It doesn’t matter if it’s not totally true. He needs to tell her what she wants to hear so she won’t DIE. The stakes are extremely high. So he delivers. He even takes all his knowledge of mediocre romance stories, and blurts out that it was love at first sight. It's silly to us the audience, cause if you actually go back and watch season 1 you can see that it's not even fucking true.

So why would he lie? Well because he doesn’t KNOW when he fell in love with El. Because he never fell in love with her. So yeah. It’s PLATONIC with a capital P.

(And to add a cherry on top, he gives his sister’s ring to her jfc)

#mike wheeler #gay mike wheeler #bi mike wheeler #btw im not trying to say 'mike isn't attracted to women period'#i'm just saying he sees EL platonically #my post can be interpreted as gay mike ofc #but i'm not trying to discount bi mike either #sexuality is a spectrum #bi kids can also confuse feelings due to heteronormativity #byler #will byers #elmike

2K notes · View notes

cumsuga · 2 months

Text

Grey Areas

taehyung x fem!reader

genre. implied smut, fluff, angst, romance, non-idol!au, twin!taehyung, BIL!taehyung, widowedmother!reader

Your husband is dead, now you're trying to avoid the man that looks exactly like him. The only problem with that is trauma bonds people, sometimes in more ways than one

warnings: spouse in the military, death of a spouse, mentions of decapitation, sleeping with your brother-in-law, grief, implied unprotected sex (Be safe and be smart; please use condoms), infidelity, smoking, light drinking, taehyung may or may not be in love with his sister-in-law aka reader, you're a mama (no drama)

word count: 5k

18+ (Minors DNI)

A/n: First and foremost, thank you, @vintagedtae and @cxffee-addxct, for testing/proofreading; if I could give you two kisses, I would! I really needed the feedback. I don't know if I will make this a series because it differs from anything I've ever written, but I really like it. If anyone has seen the movie Brothers, it inspired it. I really hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoy Twin Taehyung! Thank you all for reading and interacting with it. Please like and reblog! 💜

On January 30th, 2023, you received a knock on your door that would alter your life forever.

You met your husband when you were ten years old. He was sweet and gentle, and you knew you would get married when you two got older. When you turned 18, he joined the military as a combat medic. He would always tell you he wanted to be a real-life superhero. At 22, he asked you to marry him. It was a beautiful beachside wedding. At 23, you gave birth to your son; you never saw yourself as a mother, and sure, Azra was a handful, but you were happy. By 25, you were a widow, watching as they lowered your husband into the ground, holding your crying son.

The date was February 14th, the day he was supposed to come home, but you didn’t think it would be in a casket. You weren’t allowed to see your husband one last time. You were told they had gone out on a medevac mission when their helicopter was shot down. In nicer words, they told you your husband was decapitated, and they never found his head. And that was the image you would have to live with forever. The image of your decapitated husband never coming home.

On the day of the funeral, his family showed you and your son so much compassion. His older twin brother, Taehyung, held your hand as he was lowered into the earth. Everyone expected you to be a mess, but no one knew that you and your husband prepared for this. He talked about it often to desensitize you. While his dying in combat was always a possibility, you never thought in a million years that what you two spoke about in private would become a reality. So while internally you were destroyed, on the outside, you were stoic, unphased even.

After the repass, you watch quietly as everyone leaves. The only person who stayed was Taehyung. He told you he stayed to help you and that it was customary for someone from the family to stay with the widow while she grieves. Since he had no female siblings, his mother asked Taehyung to stay.

“Hey, why don’t you go lay down?” he asks, taking a sleeping Azra from you. You just look at him, the dark circles under your eyes prominent. “Okay, I’m going to put him in the nursery, and I’ll be right back.”

It was silent when he walked away. Quiet enough for you to finally hear your thoughts. The inner turmoil is finally getting to you, and at this point, you are far too tired to hold it in anymore. So you let it out, sobbing loudly into the chaise. When Taehyung hears you, he bolts, the need to comfort you overwhelming him.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay,” he says softly, cradling you in his arms. You pound your fists into his chest, angry at the world for taking your person. Eventually, you lose the energy to continue, balling your fists into his shirt. After what seemed like forever, you passed out in Taehyung’s arms.

Taehyung sighs in relief. What did he know about comforting anyone, let alone his younger brother's widow? What was he supposed to do to help you? Nothing he could say would ever bring him back, and telling you everything would be okay would only comfort you for so long. And who would comfort him? He lost his best friend since birth. He wasn’t like you, though. He never kept it bottled up. When you called to let him know, he dropped to his knees, sobbing loudly into the receiver before hanging up. He cried every day leading up to the funeral and even at the funeral, but no one told him that they were sorry for his loss. They only focused on you and his mother, but what about him? What about how he felt? He lost his identical twin brother, someone he spent every day with for 18 years. He had always held a little resentment for you for stealing his best friend, but right now, he loathes you. You weren't the only one hurting. He didn’t even want to stay here with you while you grieve. He begged his mom not to make him but was met with a slap to the face.

Nonetheless, he picks you up gently and carries you to your room. He sets you down just as gently as if you would break if he weren’t careful. He grabs the blanket at the bottom of your bed and covers you with it, tucking you in. He stands over you, admiring you briefly. He hated you for many things, and one of them was for being so pretty. He pushes the thought away, too inappropriate considering what is going on, before turning to leave.

“Sujin?” you call out to him. Your dreams came true. He came back to you, “Come back to bed, don’t leave me again.”

“I’m not Su-” he can't finish the sentence. You won’t let him. You desperately want it to be your husband. You know deep down it isn’t him, but lying to yourself will help with the giant hole you have in your chest right now.

“Please, Sujin… I’m scared.” it comes out so weak and pathetic that it genuinely pains Taehyung to hear. His heart breaks for you, the hatred he had for you dissipating. But he still doesn’t turn to face you, so you plead for him again.

“Close your eyes…” he says softly. Taehyung decides to do this for you just once. He knew that it would hurt you more if he just walked away. It would hurt him just as much to pretend to be his brother, but he just wanted you to sleep. “Tell me when they’re closed.”

You tell him, and he walks slowly to the bed. He cups your cheek and runs his thumb against it softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” You lean into his touch, and he joins you on the bed. “Let’s go to sleep.”

Taehyung takes you in his arms once more on this terrible day. You bury your head into his chest, and he strokes your hair. He swears he felt you kiss his collarbone, but he chalks it up to you being delirious. He wants to hate you so bad, but to hate you would be to hate a piece of his brother. He wants to get up and leave you to wallow in your sadness, but he knows that isn’t what Sujin would want. Taehyung hasn’t felt so conflicted in his life, but what he is sure of is that seeing you call out for your husband hurt him more than he expected. And what he was absolutely sure of was that he would never let you cry like that again.

When you woke up, you felt arms wrapped around you. So you turned slowly to see who it was, and the face you saw excited you, so you cupped his cheek softly. You moved to peck him gently and realized who it was before you did. You knew it wasn’t Sujin because of the small moles under his eye and on his nose. So you jolt up, startling Taehyung in the process.

“What hell are you doing in my bed?!” you move away from him quickly. Taehyung is rubbing his eyes, looking around at where he is.

“Where am I?” he seems confused about where he is and who you are.

“Taehyung, why are you in my bed, let alone in my room.” You stand up and make a lot of distance between the two of you. You turn to face the door. The last person you want to look at is Taehyung. Right now, you hate the fact that he looks exactly like Taejoon. It makes you physically ill to look at Taehyung. But before you can dwell on that for too long, Azra is crying. You look towards the nursery sighing. "Anyways, get out of my room and go home.”

He nods and gets out of bed, “I’ll get the baby. Just rest, please.” He’s noticed you refuse to look at him, and he can’t be sure why, but it hurts him a little.

“No! No, I want you to leave, Taehyung. Please.” he moved back into your line of sight, so you turn away and walk to the nursery. Taehyung follows behind you.

“I can leave you alone, but I’m not going. I told my mom I’d stay for the next couple of weeks.” He takes Azra from you, and you move to take him back but are immediately deterred by his face. “You know you’re going to have to look at me eventually. I’m his uncle, I’ll be around…”

You sigh in defeat but still don't look up, “I don’t think you’ll ever understand how hard it is to look at you, Taehyung. It hurts... And I don’t want to cry anymore.”

He scoffs, “You’re not serious, right? I don’t understand? I have to do is look in the fucking mirror and be reminded of my brother. Someone I shared a womb and room with almost my entire life. You’re not the only person hurting.” he leaves with Azra to the kitchen, and you're just standing there. You want to yell at him, but you don’t want to upset the baby.

You knew part of you wished that Taehyung was Sujin and that life was normal. You thought it was unfair that you had to go through this. But he’s right; he isn't the only one hurting. You’d been so selfish with your grief that you weren’t allowing anyone to join you in it. And he was also right that you’d have to look at him eventually, but you'd deal with that when the time was right. Right now, all you want is your son.

“Can I have Azra, please?” Azra coos out a little mama when he sees you, and Taehyung looks over at you and then back to Azra as he feeds him his banana baby food.

“Um, we're having nom-noms right now. Right, Azzy? We’re having nom noms?” Azra giggles, repeating the word, and you wish you could be in his shoes. Living his baby life with no concept of death. You stared at him and realized one day, you’d have to tell him about his father, and tears welled up in your eyes.

“Taehyung, I don’t need your help. I need you to leave, please. You can come over later, but I want to be alone now.” You take Azra out of his high chair and walk towards the den. “We can discuss why you were in my bed after I take Azra to daycare, then you can come with me to pick up some of Sujin’s things from the base. Come back in 2 hours, I’ll be ready then…”

Taehyung reluctantly agrees. He’s scared to leave you, in all honesty. Sujin had mentioned to him about your past struggles with your mental health, but he didn't want to come off as he couldn’t trust you. He wanted you to know he understood what you were going through and was there for you and Azra.

You watch through the curtains as Taehyung pulls out of the driveway and drives off into the distance. You turn back to the living room and look around. You feel… empty. You knew that grief never grows smaller with time and that life grows around grief. It was such a cliche analogy, and it helped you when your grandmother died, but this was different. You and Sujin talked about getting old and grey together. About watching Azra graduate high school and college, get married, and have children. Now, it was just you, no Sujin, to help with the woes of parenting. You, at 25, are a widowed mom of one. You’re going to miss hearing the sound of him breathing when you lay your head on his chest. You’re going to miss the way he kissed you, held you, and made love to you. You would miss the way he would quote Napoleon Dynamite at the most random times. You were going to miss him. Plain and simple. You wish you had time to grieve but couldn’t because you had responsibilities. So you pushed yourself to keep going because of Azra.

About 2 hours later, you pull into your driveway, returning home from taking the baby to daycare. Taehyung is already there, waiting outside, smoking a cigarette. The feeling of annoyance was brewing inside you. But then you push the feeling away because how could you be annoyed with someone just trying to do the same thing you are; grieve. So you get out of the car and join him on the stoop. “Why are you waiting outside? You know where the house key is. It’s the middle of fall; it's cold.”

“I didn’t want to be reminded of him right away.” he takes a drag, handing you a coffee he picked up on the way back to the house, which you happily accept. “Your house smells like him still. It’s weird.”

You nod; he’s not wrong. It does smell like him, but you like that. You didn’t want to forget that smell. “Yeah, I know. It is kinda weird, isn’t it.” you chuckle softly. He smiles at you, and you meet his eyes finally. You feel something weird, something that makes you blush. He looks away quickly, taking another drag of his cigarette as he stands before flicking it. “Let’s go get my brother’s shit.”

An hour later, you finally leave base with the bit of stuff your husband left behind and some paperwork explaining how your benefits will now work. You don’t even care about that stuff, especially because this wasn’t how life was supposed to be going for you. You get back in the car and give Taehyung the box. “I have to go meet with a lawyer about his will. I need a witness so they can open it. Would you like to come?” He nods, and you drive off.

“So why were you in my bed?” you ask, looking over to see his cheeks are now rosy.

“Well, after you passed out from crying, I went to put you in bed and..” he looks worried; he doesn’t want to embarrass you.

“And???” you press.

“And…” He sighs, “And when I went to leave… You confused me with Su, and I didn’t have the heart to stop you, so I held you until you fell asleep. However, anytime I moved, you’d grip me tighter, so I fell asleep with you…” He rubs the back of his head, and you know he’s just as embarrassed as you are. “I know it was inappropriate, but you wouldn’t let me leave..”

“Oh..” the silence that follows is extremely awkward. “Well, thank you for staying, I guess..”

“Yeah, don’t mention it. Literally.” He chuckles.

The drive to the law office is quiet and gives you time to think about what his will could say. It’s strange, though, because he never told you about it. You just assumed when he died that everything would go to you and Azra by default, but knowing he had a will scared you. Because what could he possibly have to say?

“We’re here..” you don’t move, not even to unbuckle yourself. Your hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard your knuckles are turning white. Your heart feels like it’s going to explode. Taehyung takes your hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

“Calm down, nothing can get worse. I know my brother. He’d never do anything to hurt you.” You wished it soothed you to hear those words, but his brother had done something to hurt you. Of course, it wasn't intentional, but it hurt nonetheless.

“Taehyung, your brother has done a lot to hurt me. None of them like this, though. This one he can’t fix with flowers and chocolates.” you say, half giggling, the other half getting choked up.

“Listen, I know this seems like the end of the world, and trust me, it sure as fuck feels like it. But let’s be realistic. You’ll eventually grow to deal with the loss of my brother. You’ll move on with your life, find some awesome guy, and fall in love with him. You’ll probably even get remarried. Realistically, of course.” you just look at him. The way he could say the most asinine shit you’ve ever heard honestly pissed you off.

“Why the fuck would you say that to me right now? I just buried him yesterday. Are you dumb? Please just shut the fuck up until I tell you to talk.” You finally move to get out of the car, slamming the door behind you and mumbling about how much of an idiot he was.

But that was the thing; Taehyung wasn’t stupid. He just says ridiculous shit. In fact, Taehyung graduated cum laude from Stanford, which is why you can’t understand why he doesn't think before he talks.

He sits in the car briefly before coming out and following closely behind you. You two walk into the law office. The receptionist says she’s expecting you and leads you to a small conference room. “I’m nervous…” you sigh, fidgeting.

Before long, a tall, tan-skinned man walked in. He explained the legal jargon and then allowed you and Taehyung time to read over the will. But that's the thing: It wasn’t a will; it was more like letters to people in his life. You found the page for Taehyung and handed it to him. It wasn’t long before you heard sniffling coming from him. You smiled at him. You thought it was sweet how vulnerable he could be.

One page was dedicated to you, telling you all the passwords to his socials and bank accounts, where he had hidden money for Azra, and that he was sorry, but that was all. Nothing else was there. No, I love you, no, I’ll see you again someday, nothing. It was like all you were to him was a vessel to carry and care for his child. To say you were hurt was a complete understatement. But before you could take in the reality of what was happening, you found a page for a woman named Natalie. It describes how much he cared for her but also how much he regretted cheating on you while you were pregnant. He went on to tell her about the life he had imagined with her during their affair, but when you gave birth, it gave him a new meaning in your marriage and that he was sorry they ever got involved. He left her a small amount of money; it wasn’t said for what, only that she would understand what it was for. You only knew of one Natalie; you all went to high school together, but the last you heard, she moved to Los Angeles and hadn’t been back since. There was no way. This had to be Sujin’s idea of a joke. There was no other explanation.

You wanted to know when he even had time to cheat? If he wasn’t at work, he was with you. You try to think of any time he was not with you, but then you remember that he started going to the gym more often during your pregnancy. You thought nothing of it. He was in the military, for god sake. And you held on to that notion until you spotted her walking into the office.

“Hey, what does yours say? Mine tells me to take care of you and Az, and he finally admitted he broke my Donatello figure when we were younger. Plus some other stuff, but that's private.” He chuckles. He must’ve noticed your eyes glazed over because he waved his hand in front of your face. “Helloooo, anyone home?”

“He cheated..” is all you could squeak out. It’s almost inaudible.

Taehyung doesn’t want to believe that you just said, “What? How do you know that? Let me see.” he snatches the papers from your hands and reads them repeatedly. “No way, Joon would never do that.”

“He did, and she’s here. The blonde woman you see in the lobby. Thats her… I don’t think she knows I’m here, nor was I even supposed to read that. I don’t think he meant to put it in there.” You both sit there in silence; before you know it, you’re storming into the lobby.

She looked shocked to see you, like she didn't understand what you were doing there. “y/n, what’re you doing here?”

“What the fuck do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing here?” You scoff. You can’t believe this lady. She has the nerve to question you like you’re the mistress. So, you do the most logical thing you could do in any law office. You slap the shit out of her. “So you like fucking married men while their wives are at home caring for their children? Huh? Huh? ANSWER ME!”

She looks terrified and confused, clutching her now red cheek. “Married. He told me you two were divorced and that he only wore his ring to keep appearances with his parents.”

“Oh please, you can’t be that fucking stupid. YOU WENT TO FUCKING BERKLEY! You knew; don’t play dumb with me!” You are furious and yelling so loud a crowd is starting to gather. Taehyung comes up behind you, trying to calm you so he can get you outside, but you’re struggling in his grip. “HEY EVERYONE, HIDE YOUR HUSBANDS NATALIE STARK LIKES TO FUCK MARRIED MEN. NO, LET ME GO TAEHYUNG!”

“Nope, it’s time to go,” he says, flinging you over his shoulder.

Taehyung finally got you into the parking lot, but you still weren’t calm. He didn’t know what to do or say, so he lit a cigarette and handed it to you. “Here, it helps with the stress.”

You take it. You hadn’t smoked a cigarette in almost two years, choosing to quit right before you found out you were pregnant. “Thank you,” you say before taking a long drag. The nicotine rushes straight to your head, mellowing you out. “I swear to god, your bother is so fucking lucky he fucking died before I found this out because I would’ve killed him my-damn-self.”

You sigh. Your world is crumbling around you. How could you not have known? And what did you do to deserve this? You never spoke down to him, hell you doted on the mother fucker, and still he cheated. He lied to you every day with a smile on his face like everything was fine. Why couldn’t he be a man and tell you he was unhappy? Why did he have to die for you to find out? You wanted answers, and the shittiest thing, about it, was that you’d never get them.

Taehyung is still quiet. You wish he would just go away because looking at him makes you angrier than before. “Can you turn around or something? Your face is pissing me off.”

“Listen, I understand you’re upset but don’t take that shit out on me. I’m not Sujin, I didn’t do shit to you. Get in the fucking car, I want to go home.” He snatches the keys from you and walks to the other side of the car.

You finish your cigarette and get in. By the time you two make it back to town, you have to go pick up Azra. So you drop Taehyung off at your house and get him. When you left, you told Tae you wanted him to be gone when you returned, but he didn’t listen.

You were too tired to argue with Taehyung, so you put Azra down for a nap and then walked to the kitchen. “You want a glass of wine? I have a feeling the rest of the week is going to suck as bad as today,” you call out to Taehyung from the kitchen.

“Yeah, sure. Can I smoke in here?” he’s walking around the den, looking at all the pictures. He stops on a photo of you two at your baby shower. He smiles fondly. If Taehyung was honest, he wished he was around more. He hadn’t seen you or his brother since Azra was born. And he regretted that.

Taehyung had a secret he told no one but hated you for. At your wedding, you told the story about how you met your husband, but the boy you met that day was Taehyung. He fell in love with you the moment he laid eyes on you. He confessed to you a week later and told you to think about it. When he went to find you the following day, he saw you kissing his brother; the rest is history.

“Uh, no, but we can go into the sunroom. It’s heated, and I have the baby monitor.” You leave the kitchen and go into the den, “Is that okay with you?”

Taehyung looks over at you. He wished that it was him that you had fallen in love with. He would never hurt you in the way that Taejoon had. He felt selfish for his thoughts about you. They were wrong. Especially considering the current circumstances. But if he was being honest, you’d never look more beautiful to him than you did right now. Your hair was messy, with no make-up on, in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. “Yeah, that's fine.”

You grab the bottle and some glasses and walk towards the sunroom, placing them on the coffee table and going to the sound system. You didn’t want to listen to the silence. You put on something soft and airy to help soothe your nerves. Your week had gone from bad to fucked up in a matter of 24 hours. Whoever you were in your previous life must have been one fucked up person because your current life is kicking your ass.

“Hey, you guys got it remodeled. I like it.” he looks around, admiring the work.

“Uh, no, I remodeled it. Your brother did jack shit but complain about how it was keeping him awake.” You roll your eyes and throw yourself into one of the many chairs, sighing.

Taehyung takes a seat next to you.“I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know I was giving you a hard time earlier today, but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I’m here for you completely.” He grabs your hand. You look down at your hands and then back at him.

“It’s just tough to be around you, Taehyung. Even more so now than before. I wish you would get that, but you’re so goddamn stubborn. And you’re really touchy, it’s weird.” You remove your hand from his and pour two glasses.

He chuckles. “I’m sorry. It’s just how I show people I care. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll stop.” He grabs a glass and takes a sip. He stands to open a window and then lights a cigarette. “Do you have an ashtray?”

You set one down on the coffee table. Taehyung turns to look back at where you set it, and for a split second, life feels normal. Like Sujin didn’t die, you didn’t find out he was cheating, and you felt happy. The silence that follows you is so comfortable. He smiles at you before looking back out the window. Then Fade into You by Mazy Star comes on, and Taehyung walks over to you.

“Dance with me.” He extends a hand to you.

You scrunch your face with a smile, “I’m tired.” you try to push his hand away, but he pulls you up by your hand. You give into the dance eventually, resting your head on his chest.

“I know I’ve said it a lot today, but I’m sorry about everything my brother has put you through… I would’ve never done that to you. You’re way too precious to me.” you pull away to look at him. And he stares down at you. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. And before you knew it, your lips were crashing together.

You both knew it was wrong, but it was like magnets. You two couldn’t pull away. Your hands move to the hem of Taehyung's shirt, sliding up against the smooth skin of his torso. He wasn’t lean, and you liked that a lot, so you scraped your nails against his stomach. “Take this off.”

He takes his shirt off and moves to take yours off. When he finally gets it off, he starts kissing down your chest, “I’ve wanted to do this since I was 15..” You swear you hallucinate him saying that. You unbutton his jeans and slide your hand into his boxers. He moans softly into your neck, and that was enough for him to snap. He tugs your sweatpants down, having you step out of the. He kisses your inner thigh before pulling your panties down, not even allowing you a second before he picks you up and pins you against the window.

Now, to say that Taehyung wasn't gentle was an understatement. He fucked you like he hated you like he wanted you to know how much you ruined his life, but also how much he was willing to give up to be with you. And as much as you knew it was wrong, you loved it. Neither of you talked the whole time. You both enjoy not being sad for once. When everything was all said and done, Taehyung set you down gently and walked away, sitting on the floor. He knew the severity of what had just happened and needed time to process it. But there was no going back from what just happened. You both had effectively ruined each other's lives.

You joined Taehyung on the floor, sitting behind him and leaning your head on his back. You planted a small kiss on his shoulder. You knew everything would be okay when he reached back for your hand to hold. “I’m gonna take care of you from now on,” he says as he kisses the inner of your wrist.

© @cumsuga 2016-2024. All rights reserved. — Unauthorized use or duplication of these works, including reposting, translating, and modification in any form, is strictly prohibited. DO NOT USE MY CONTENT FOR ANY AI PURPOSES WHAT SO EVER

credit to @cafekitsune for the dividers

231 notes · View notes

steddio · 1 year

Text

Eddie can’t listen to music anymore. God knows he wants to, would give anything to lose himself in a particularly intense guitar riff, or bang on the steering wheel of his van like it’s a drum kit, or just generally annoy those in his vicinity by refusing to turn down “that noise” (as his neighbors call it). Music was his life, his sanctuary, his whole reason for being on this stupid, fucked up planet.

But now, music makes him jumpy, panicky. Hands clenched into fists, the back of his neck prickling. He can’t help but look for the threat, for the reason music is being played. Eddie finds himself sitting in silence now, when before he couldn’t stand it. His bedroom eerily quiet, cassettes shoved in a shoebox, stereo covered with an old t-shirt. He drives with the windows down, radio off, listening only to the mundane sounds of small town Indiana.

He can’t even play guitar. Three days after he woke up covered in bandages, head aching, Wayne had brought Eddie his sweetheart, mumbling something about not wanting Eddie to be bored in the hospital. Eddie had tried to play, he really had. But just touching the strings sent him back into that life-or-death mindset, and suddenly his mouth felt like it was filled with blood and he couldn’t breathe, and the nurse had to rush in and help him release his death grip on the guitar, take deep breaths, count to ten.

After, he threw the provided pamphlets about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in the trash and tried to convince himself he didn’t really need to play guitar anymore. As Dustin is so fond of reminding him, he already lived the most metal moment of all time, embodied it, played for the lives of everyone he loves, for Chrissy’s death, for Hawkins’s survival. His sweetheart helped save the world, and now it’s enough that she’s only decoration in their new government payout trailer. It has to be enough, because he can barely look at her, can’t touch her without shaking, without almost throwing up.

His friends must notice. They must, because he’s been avoiding band practice, hasn’t scheduled any D&D sessions, staying far away from everything that used to bring him joy because it doesn’t. Not anymore. And sometimes he wishes they would say something, that anyone would acknowledge this 180 degree shift in Eddie’s entire being. But Jeff and Gareth are giving him space, letting him heal. And the kids are kids, dealing with their own trauma and shit. So it’s just Eddie and the silence.

—

Eddie is listlessly staring at his bedroom wall, actively trying to think about nothing, when he hears a car horn honking. He ignores it, sure that it’s irrelevant to him. The horn honks again. Then a third, fourth, fifth time, followed by, “Munson, dude, I know you’re in there!”

And what the fuck. Because Eddie knows that voice, and there’s absolutely no reason for Steve Harrington of all people to be outside his trailer. They’re not even friends! They’re just… trauma bonded. Or whatever. Maybe Eddie should have read those pamphlets.

He peeks his head out the window to see Steve shading his eyes with one hand, the other on his hip. Eddie waggles his fingers in a hesitant wave, even more surprised when Steve’s face breaks out into a grin.

“There you are, buddy! Come on, let’s go!”

Eddie begrudgingly grabs his jacket, swinging it on as he slams the door of the trailer behind him.

“Um, dude, what’s up?”

Steve only waggles his eyebrows in response. “You’ll see, but c’mon, we’re running late.”

Eddie slides into the front seat of Steve’s BMW, eyes glancing to the radio, which is blasting some Top 40 station that not only sounds like nails on a chalkboard but is already making Eddie uneasy. Steve hops in the drivers seat and, as if he can read Eddie’s mind, turns the radio off before pulling out of the trailer park.

The ride is quiet, but comfortable. Steve has the windows down, it’s a breezy summer day, and Eddie feels something underneath the listlessness that has infiltrated his brain like cobwebs. Anticipation, maybe even excitement.

Steve pulls into the Wheelers’ driveway, and Eddie follows him inside the house, down to the basement, where Dustin, Mike, Lucas, and Will have set up their D&D table, Will at the head wearing… is that a wizard hat?

“Welcome back from banishment, Eddie!” Dustin shouts as soon as he sees him, smiling widely. And Eddie can’t help but smile back. Because these are his kids, and he missed them, and he really did feel banished even if it was somewhat self-imposed.

Four hours later, after part one of a thrilling campaign led by Will (who really is a promising DM, Eddie has to admit), he no longer feels like that. He’s glowing, breathless, warm. The feeling buoys him through the car ride home, Steve having left and then returned to drive Eddie back. And if that good feeling allows Eddie to glance a little too long at Steve’s hair blowing in the wind, his left hand loosely resting on the steering wheel and his right on his thigh, then that’s Eddie’s business and no one else’s.

They fall into a routine. Steve picks Eddie up, drives him to the Wheelers’ house for an afternoon of D&D, and drives him home. Eddie tries not to be too obvious in his appreciation of Steve in the summer sun but he’s just a man, okay, and Steve didn’t earn his reputation for nothing.

Every time, Eddie offers to drive himself, but Steve just laughs, shakes his head. “Get in the car, Munson.”

And every time Eddie does, Steve turns the radio off. Doesn’t say anything, doesn’t acknowledge it, but their car rides are blissfully quiet. Light and easy in a way that silences aren’t when he’s alone.

—

It’s pouring rain one afternoon, rattling the roof of the trailer. Eddie is contemplating whether he can get away with smoking out his bedroom window when he hears a familiar car horn. As he approaches the car, Eddie hears what can’t be, but what is unmistakably the sound of Steve… singing? Softly, almost under his breath, Steve is singing along to the radio. He cuts off when he sees Eddie, offering a half wave and a lopsided grin. As Eddie slides into the front seat, Steve turns the radio off.

“Hey why do you do that, man?” The question slips out before Eddie can stop himself.

“Do what?” Steve looks confused.

“Turn the radio off. When I get in the car.” Now that he’s asked, Eddie finds that he needs to know. Why of all possible people, it’s Steve who’s been the most accommodating.

Steve shrugs, puts the car into drive, turns onto the main road before answering. “It bothers you,” he says simply.

Eddie must look confused when Steve glances over because he continues. “I never see you listen to music anymore. I figured it must bother you. And hey man, if anyone understands fucked up reactions it’s me. I can’t hear fireworks or see Christmas lights anymore.”

Eddie barely manages to nod his thanks, to present a facade of normalcy while his mind is racing a million miles an hour. He knows that Steve has been through some shit, clearly he had even before Eddie walked headfirst into whatever the fuck is going on in Hawkins. But he never expected Steve to be so… observant. Not of him at least.

The D&D session takes his mind off the mortifying knowledge that Steve is paying attention to him. They’re approaching Will’s grand finale, and Eddie is caught off guard by how normal it feels. To be excited about a campaign, to mess around with the kids. To laugh, unironically.

The ride home is tenser than usual but as they pull into the trailer park, Eddie musters the courage to reach out. To touch Steve’s arm and mumble a quiet but sincere “thank you.” He doesn’t stay to see if Steve responds, but the pads of his fingers burn where they met Steve’s bare forearm, and he falls asleep that night with the ghost of a pop song in his head.

—

A week later, Eddie finds himself in the backseat of Steve’s car, his usual shotgun seat occupied by Robin. In situations like these, it’s hard not to feel left out, like a third wheel. Steve and Robin orbit around each other in a way that Eddie never has with anyone. But their jubilance is addictive and Eddie can’t help but be drawn in. A lone planet in their binary star system.

They’re telling some inside joke, something about Muppets, and Steve is glowing in the way he only ever does with Robin or Dustin, beaming like a carefree teenager instead of gazing sadly out of eyes that look too old for his face. Eddie is breathless, finds himself laughing along, eyes glued to Steve’s mouth (his smile, not his lips, Eddie lies to himself). Robin launches into song and there’s a moment when Steve joins in, and it’s ridiculous but possibly the most glorious thing Eddie has ever heard because it’s music. It’s music and it makes him feel safe.

After a blissful few seconds, Steve cuts off, as if catching himself, turns to meet Eddie’s eyes, face halfway between joy and panic. Robin doesn’t seem to notice, and Steve has one hand up as if to stop her before Eddie shakes his head slowly, starts to smile. Steve’s face begins to relax again, one eyebrow raising in question.

“Don’t stop,” Eddie mouths.

Steve turns back to Robin, picking up the thread of their foolish imitation. And maybe Eddie is still lying to himself because is this really music? But he thinks it might be the most beautiful sound regardless.

They drop Robin off at home and Eddie climbs up to the front seat, winking at Steve’s feigned outrage about “the leather, dude!” Steve backs out of Robin’s driveway, gets halfway down the block before he pulls over.

“Hey I’m sorry about earlier,” he starts softly. “I got carried away. I hope—. Well. I hope you’re okay, man. I know music bothers you.”

Eddie feels a blush rising at this ridiculous, lovely man and his concern. Steve is looking at Eddie, brow furrowed, assessing every minute detail of his face as if searching for evidence of injury. Eddie wants to reach out and smooth it with a touch, to make Steve laugh again in that carefree way. He settles for reaching out in a different way, laying a piece of himself bare.

“It doesn’t. Bother me, that is. Not when it’s you.”

The silence that follows is expectant, Steve’s expression hard to read. They’ve been on the precipice of something for weeks now, and Eddie has stepped off the ledge. But as always, Steve is there to catch him. His grin is lopsided, eyes warm, as he sings softly,

“But I know, uh-huh, that you're sad. And I know I'll make you happy with the one thing that you never had, baby I'm your man.”

And Eddie has half a second to think Wham!? Really? before they’re kissing. They’re kissing in the front seat of Steve’s car and Eddie has the sudden, embarrassing, wondrous urge to turn the radio on. So he does.

#steddie #stranger things #steddie ficlet #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve is a wham! fanboy in this #eddie is in the car with a beautiful boy and the beautiful boy can SING???#A writes

1K notes · View notes