#gonna go eat some unhealthy food and go to sleep until tomorrow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

johnkrrasinski · 4 years

Text

ℑ𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔚𝔬𝔬𝔡𝔰

Chapter 2: Dark Little Paradise

full masterlist // series masterlist

Pairings: dark!Steve Rogers x female!reader

Word count: 2,924

Warnings: sexual themes, kidnapping, stalking, BDSM. (MUST BE 18+)

Summary: after the death of your mother, you decided that you were going to do something new to honor her. You chose a perfect camping spot somewhere down South. You thought it was going to be the life-changing vacation that you never had in your life, until Steve Rogers, a man existed in roughness and control all his life, found you.

a/n: here’s chapter two of into the woods folks! hope you like it. and yes, my titles are usually inspired by taylor swift lyrics so, get familiar with that. also, things are going to get more intense in the next chapters, so buckle in and enjoy the ride. please leave a like and comment. thank you for all the positive feedback on the first chapter!

You retreated to your camp after your miserably failed escapade, later that afternoon. You were debilitated by the incident. You decided to chug down your water and laid yourself on the mattress inside the tent. Taking a brief nap sounds like a good idea right now. You closed your eyes and let the unconsciousness take you away.

A few hours later, you woke up, it was already dark out. You slept longer than you thought. You thought you were only going to rest for 1 to 2 hours, but as it turned out, you the day must've missed you away. Oh, what the hell, you thought. It's not like you were going to pack first thing tomorrow and leave anyway, you still have another day to relish in nature. Considering how early you woke up today and the hours you had spent on the road, you deserved that break.

You decided to grab a package of instant spaghetti you shopped at the gas station's convenience store. You ate with the companion of the sound of the waterfall and your mind started to shuffle its tricks on you again. Mom would've loved this. She also would've reprimanded you for eating 'such unhealthy food.' You chuckled bitterly. But you decided to let the thought of her sink in; it's nice to not feel so alone, even if it's only on your head.

You changed into an oversized, light blue hoodie and a pair of high-waisted sweatpants. You decided to call it a night and turned off the solar light sitting right next to you. You pulled on the duvet and tuck yourself in. Slowly, you waved the night goodbye.

Steve Rogers went back to his cabin later that day after his conducive treasure hunting. His thoughts couldn't stop roaming to her all day, after that. He walked around the house with a painfully hard cock and he was eager to do some seizing tonight. He counted the ticking hours on the clock. He couldn't wait for the day to turn dark.

By midnight, he was ready to return to her camp. He was clad in an all-black gear to meld himself into the obscurity. He put on a black baseball cap and he inserted a bottle of GHB and a handkerchief inside his jeans pocket. Now all he needs to do is visit her.

He was as quiet as a ninja, he stood a few feet away from her tent to ensure that things are in his favor. The light from her tent was switched off and there wasn't a single movement or sound from inside. She was fast asleep, good. Things are going as perfectly as planned.

He neared the tent and he kept his steps mute. He zipped down the tent's opening and there she was. Sleeping as soundly as a baby. Her face was half-tucked into the quilt but he could see the shadow of her features, illuminated by the faint radiance of the moon. She was even more stunning up close. He grew more impatient to bring her home.

He crawled inside, cautious to not wake her up. The tent couldn't contain his height so it was an awkward posture for him but he managed. She was still deep asleep despite his presence. She was really fatigued and it amused him.

He longingly gazed down at her beauty for a second, he didn't have much time, but he was absolutely starstruck by her. He squatted to pull out the bottle of GHB and handkerchief in his pocket. He poured a drop of GHB just enough to get the job done. Without any more delays, he pressed the cloth into her nose, and his other hand shoved the back of her head to keep her in place. In a matter of seconds, her eyes were wide awake.

She tried to scream, she was in a tightened state and her hands that were tucked under her the pillow, immediately went to pull his hands away but couldn't. She tried to wiggle her body rapidly to get out of his hold, but he overpowered her. He didn't even have to try to tame her down but she was drowsing fast.

She was paralyzed in his hands. The ethereal figure was now immobile. It's time to go home.

You woke up on a silk-covered mattress, the material was cold under your touch, you felt groggy like the room was spinning and you couldn't grasp on anything. There was a single bulb in the center of the ceiling, illumining the room but it was dimmed. After you collected yourself together and fluttering your eyes open, you attempted to sit up, only to realize that your hands were handcuffed to the bedpost, you were disoriented. What the hell is happening?

You tried to recall the last 24 hours. You wandered around the woods, you scuffed your thigh and retreated to your tent. Did you have dinner? Pretty sure you could remember consuming pasta, and then, what came next? Did you go to bed? Yes, you were certain that you called it a night and rested. But how did you wind up here? Where exactly is here? You began to feel agitated, you looked down only to realize that you had been stripped out of your clothes and underwear. You were plain nude and your legs were cuffed to the bedpost too.

You took a look at your surroundings, it looked more like a Roman fort. The walls were constructed on dark, burnt brown-colored logs. There were whips, chains, paddles, ropes, and all kinds of leather dangling across the wall, you saw a wooden pillory and other types of grotesque contraption you had never seen in your life.

You slightly turned your head to the right corner and you saw Parquet-tiled stairs that led you to God knows where. You could only count the first few bottom treads in the opaque of the room. Something about that staircase gave you the creeps. It was the conundrum of it. Like the haunting feeling of knowing something was lurking on the other side, but you weren't sure if you were ready to find out.

On the right corner of the room, you spotted a rustic oak handmade table, filled with what looked like miniaturized trinkets with various, intricate shapes, from the distance your eyesight could capture, some looked longer than the others, some modeled the shape of an egg, some others took the shape of a stick...? You couldn't paint yourself a clear description. There were too many foreign things that bewildered your hazy brain.

Shivers ran down your spine. You tried to scream for help, but your words were muzzled. You hadn't noticed the ball gag around your mouth. Your jaw was tense and you cried out but nothing was uttered. You lifted your head as high as you can go only to wiggle out of the bindings. Your wrist reddened due to your failed attempts of trying to release your hands out of them.

Your head fell back onto the pillow and caved in. Tears began brimming in your eyes. You were petrified and disoriented. Where the hell were you? Did someone kidnap you? But who would? You were absolutely positive that you were alone in the woods. No traces of any other human being might be lurking in the shadows or followed you here.

So... How exactly did you get here? Your mind was disarrayed. You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't realize the sound of the approaching footsteps. You were awakened from your thoughts when the door was clanged opened and it reverberated upon the walls.

You cowered in terror. You thought this was it. The moment where whoever this person was behind that door, was going to torture you and after he was satisfied with his torment, he was going to murder you and discard your body somewhere people can't find you. You were going to vanish from the face of the earth forever. At least you were going to reunite with your mother, the idea emerged uninvited.

Your fallacious thoughts were quickly shaken away by the sight of a tall, muscular man standing in front of you. The lower part of his face was covered in a thick, perfectly trimmed beard. His hands were rigid on his either side. His electric blue eyes stared down at you with an unreadable expression on his face. The silence lingered around the room, for none of you had said a single word to fill in the void.

For what felt like minutes, both of you just froze in a staring contest. Obviously you weren't going to be the one to speak up first, you couldn't even if you wanted to. You were too appalled by this stranger, who looks like he could tear you apart by a single hand before you. He bent slightly forward and dropped his hands so that it was grasping the footboard top rail.

He was clad in a navy blue shirt and plaid shirt as an outer. His expression shifted from indecipherable to a smirk. The hell? Did this really just smirked at you? It was heinous. His gaze was as intense as the devil. His gravel voice echoed, "relax. I'm not gonna hurt you."

That didn't enlighten your mood. You were even more terrified than before. So what did he want? Why were you here? Where exactly are you? So many questions yet so little options.

He moved to the end of the bed where he sat by your foot. His gaze didn't quiver nor did the tension in the air. You flinched as if you were unrestrained. If anything, it only clanged the cuffs that shackled your wrists and your legs.

You felt utterly exposed and uncomfortable. You've never been nude in front of anyone, let alone a strange man. He shamelessly drifted his eyes from yours to the length of your body. Your bare chest and your displayed pussy weren't left uninspected.

He spoke up again, "you are even more divine up-close." He moved onto the bed and caged you with his body. His hands were on either side of your head and his knees were on either side of your hips. You felt so small under his presence. The shadow loomed over his face and it made him even more intimidating.

"I know you're scared. But I can assure you that it's going to be alright. I'll take care of you." He consoled as if he was pacifying a child who just ran in horror because she had a bad dream.

He leaned down to press a kiss on your upper lip, and you jerked away. You turned your head to the left side to dodge his kiss. It upsets him and he grabbed your jaw to hold you in place so he could steal that kiss. You shrieked in disgust, hoping that it was loud enough to give him the signal. You didn't like it, you wanted to be released from the gagged. You wanted him to let you go.

As if he could read your mind, he spoke up, "alright, I'm going to take this gag off for now, but you have to promise me that you won't scream, understood?"

You didn't give away any reaction, you just stared at him in fear. You heard his words loud and clear but you refused to acknowledge him, under any circumstances. He asked you for the second time with a much firmer tone, as he glared into your eyes; "understood?"

Your only response was nodding. "Good girl. We've got a lot more to work on, but I know I can mold you into my perfect little plaything."

His world left you in utter shock. Perfect little plaything? What the hell was this man planning to do with you? Did you ever cross paths with him and perhaps wronged him? Most importantly, did you just make the biggest mistake in your life and basically handed yourself over to death by coming to these woods?

He untied the straps of the ball gag. You were able to breathe a little easier now. You wished to scream, but you weren't stupid enough to do the exact one thing this man just warned you not to. You weren't sure whether anyone could hear you anyway, the solid clapboard walls were bulky enough to deter any noises out.

You stared around the room once more, to make sure that you were living in reality instead of a terrible dream. You tried to look anywhere else but him, fearing his murderous eyes that saw right through you. That trapped your soul by a single glance.

"Speak, before I put this gag back on."

He's already thinking of putting the gag back on already?! You felt defenseless. You couldn't fight back or entreated this man to stop doing what he already made up in his mind.

"Wh- where am I...?"

"The same woods where you camped."

"It- it's not exactly like I remember..."

"Don't worry, you are safe with me. You don't have to worry about your old life anymore now."

"Wh- who are you?"

"Steve Rogers. But, you may call me sir, at certain times." His lips formed a smirk. There was a hint of lust in his eyes when he said those last three words.

"Why am I here...?"

"I saw you wandering around the woods, all alone. I immediately knew that you were the one I had been looking for. So I took you."

"Took me?"

"Yes. You are here, aren't you?"

The lightheadedness that you felt minutes ago came back. You were having a hard time processing all this information, coming from a strange man who claimed he wanted you.

"This is... This is crazy, I need to- I need to go home."

"Shh, hey, hey, it's alright. I know you are scared and confused, but I promise you, I'm not going to hurt you as long as you listen to me and do as I say."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Simple. All you have to do is just surrender to me and follow my orders. We will both receive pleasure if you choose to make it easy for yourself."

"And... What if I don't want to?"

He paused for a moment. "Then there will be punishment."

You gulped. You really had no way out and there was no way that you could overpower or trick this man into releasing you.

"Can you please untie me?"

"No, not now. You will gain a reward if you obey, we are going to go through every training and tests, and if you succeed in passing them, then you will earn your freedom."

"You mean... You will let me go?"

He chuckled darkly, he didn't have to say it, but the words were clear in his eyes "silly girl, you really think I'd ever release you?"

"No, sweetheart." He paused. His face inched to yours as he shifted in his seat. His body that was facing the wall instead of solemnly towards you, was imparting full attention on you now. The message in his eyes were clear; "listen to me carefully, little girl. For I will not repeat myself for the second time."

Then his lips manifested the words; "every night, I will tie you to this bed, and if you pass the test of the day, then I will unleash a part of you. if you don't, then, you're going to have to endure sleeping in the dark bound, until I see an improvement. When you have succeeded in becoming my perfect little doll, then we can start discussing you moving upstairs and your limits."

"Limits of what...?"

"Freedom. About you going outside, moving around the house, and other things."

"What kind of doll you want me to be?"

"My fuck doll."

His answer left you dumbfounded. You were overwhelmed by everything that had befallen on you. You were still vulnerable from your mother's death, and now the vacation that you thought was going to transform you into a stronger woman, conversely ambushed you at your weakest spot and delivered you at the feet of the devil himself.

You started crying for God knows how many times now. He tried to pacify you once more, "shh, it's okay, babygirl. Let's not inundate ourselves with too many questions, yeah? Tomorrow, we will start our training. It's late, you should get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day."

You saw the darkness in his dilated pupils when he stated the last sentence. Also, you didn't even realize that it was already late. There wasn't a single clock in sight, nor was there a single window that would apprise you the current juncture of the world. You couldn't tell whether it had been an hour, three days, or perhaps a week since you had been here.

Without uttering any more word, he lifted your head mindlessly and strapped the gag back on. He rose from the bed and left you in the exact same state that you were in when you woke up. He walked away to the door of where he came from. He took at one last glance at you before his steps took him out of your peripheral.

"Goodnight." He turned off the single light bulb that radiated through the center room. Then he was gone. You closed your eyes, hoping when the morning greets you, you would wake up from this God-awful lifelike nightmare.

301 notes · View notes

kassies-take · 4 years

Text

Mission Failed

Summary: Kara and Lena’s daughter (your name will be Lauren in this) has been kidnapped, what they find changes their life and breaks their heart

A/n: Missing Supercorp hours

Warning: Angst & Torture

Supercorp, Lena Luthor x Reader, Kara Danvers x Reader

Word Count: 2077

Two boys — twins with dirty blond hair, greenish blue eyes and defined jaws — walked into the Zor El Luthor Danvers home. The two distinct differences between the two was that Liam wore lead-lined glasses while the younger, Lucas, wore lead-lined contacts courtesy of L-Corp tech.

“Hi mom,” Liam kissed Lena on the check while side hugging her before he moved to the other side of the white marble kitchen island towards the refrigerator.

Lucas followed suit with a bone-crushing hug. Lena goaned, her fragile human body screamed at her to get out of the hug. Lucas released his grip from around his mother and barely dodged Lena’s hand as she swatted at the air.

“I’m making stir-fry, do you want some?” Liam asked with ingredients laid out on the island.

“Yes!”

Liam glared at his brother. “I wasn’t asking you, I was asking mom.”

“It’s okay honey, I don’t have your appetite. Thank god you sister doesn’t have the same appetite as you two and Jeju.” Lena frowned, now that she thought about it she didn’t feel the usual back hug from you when she worked at home. “Where is your little sister?”

“Ren said she was going to Catco, she wanted to show Jeju the photos she took.” Lucas opened the fridge.

“I’m sure Lauren or Jeju would call if something was wrong,” Lena said before a few clicks were heard and the laptop shut. “You boys want to help with dinner?”

“What are we making?” The two asked.

“Irish stew?”

The two boys cheered.

“We’re eating good tonight!”

“At least you boys have a different favorite food from Kara.”

Around three hours later when the stew was finished the balcony door beeped before it opened.

“It smells good in here!” Kara’s suit dematerialized and hugged Lena.

“Hey, where’s Lauren?”

“Is she not home? She left earlier than I did.”

“She’s not home.”

“I’ll call Nia and see if she saw Lauren.”

“I’ll call Lauren.” Lena moved to her phone.

Kara picked up her phone and was about to dial Nia’s number when she put her arms to the side and walked towards the door. The door swung open before you could pull out your key.

“Oh, Jeju look what Aunt Nia and I did.”

Lena pushed past Kara and held you tightly. “Oh, hi!” You equally matched Lena’s strength and hugged her.

No matter how many times Kara saw this, this moment between the mother daughter duo, it never ceases to amaze her that you are a carbon copy of Lena. With the exception of Kara’s ocean blue eye.

“Little Luthor and I were out in the area doing long exposures with dream energy. Must’ve forgotten to call you. See you tomorrow Kara, bye Lena!” Nia dashed off before the could run after her.

“How about you go get changed up and you can show me your long exposure after Irish stew.”

“Okay,” you ran off into your room.

“Are you okay?” Kara wrapped her arms around Lena.

“I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you have the face you make when me or the boys get hurt from superhero work.”

“You and the boys are bulletproof, Lauren doesn’t have powers. I can’t help but think someone is going to hurt her because she is a Luthor.”

“If she’s anything like a Luthor she is gonna give one hell of a fight.”

~~~~~

“Alex, it was a trap!” Kara’s grunts mixed with the sounds of guns going off in the background. “Don’t send reenforcements, we don’t know how many are there. The place is lined with lead and power dampeners. They knew we were coming.”

“Alex, pull them out!” Lena pleaded.

“It’s not that easy, it’s raining fire everywhere,” Alex braised herself against the D.E.O command center.

“My wife and sons are out there!”

“So is Nia and J’onn!”

“Director Danvers! Dreamer’s and Liam’s commutations went offline.” Brainy stood with his tablet to show Alex and Lena.

There was a brief moment of silence in the D.E.O before Brainy suggested that the Supers fly into the outer atmosphere and fly back down to make a shockwave.

Lucas informed Liam and the three Supers looked at each other before taking off into the sky. The landing’s aftershock threw the enemies off balance. The Luthor-Danvers boys wrapped them with ropes and nets found in a room earlier.

“Where is the alien tech?” Kara asked with her hands on her hip. The two twins stood behind her with matching red and blue suits, and a few other golden strips around their arms.

“There isn’t any.” The leader laughed. “Isn’t it funny how you heroes try to prevent fate from happening. Now everyone in National City will know they can’t mess with fate because no matter how much you heroes try, it wouldn’t be enough!”

Kara rolled her eyes and walked away to inform J’onn and Nia as a D.E.O unit came to detain the villains of the week.

“We will do everything in our effort to stop threats and keep the world safe from the likes of you. We already stopped you.” Lucas smirked.

“But who kept Lauren Luthor safe?” Kara’s head turned towards the laughing maniac.

“How do you know Lauren Luthor!” Kara marched back.

“Careful there Supergirl. You’d want your daughter back in one piece wouldn’t you?” The man smirked before Kara knocked him out with a punch.

Lena stood frozen at the D.E.O, she let out a cry before her knees gave up and she fell to the floor. Brainy had just confirmed that your tracker was untraceable amidst the chaos. Your phone, unavailable.

Liam and Lucas went back to school to see if your friends had seen you, but the last anyone saw of you was when Kara and Lena went to pick up Liam and Lucas. They had thought you left with them but Lena had told you to go back to school.

Kara broke the sound barrier easily, circling the Earth countless times trying to find you. Nia could dream where you were and J’onn couldn’t find your mind.

Lena, poor Lena hasn’t stopped crying. She didn’t feel Alex’s arms around her, she didn’t care for several agents looking at her. She wrapped herself in her arms, looking for a sense of comfort she couldn’t feel.

Liam and Lucas flew in the D.E.O through the balcony. Their eyes swimming in red. They pulled Lena into their arms.

Alex used this opportunity to call Kara back.

“Alex they have my daughter!”

“I know... I want her as badly as you do, but you have circled the Earth 6 times already and your wife and your sons need you right now.”

~~~~~

It had been a month. A month, a week, 10 hours, 18 minutes and 50 seconds. Lena couldn’t helped but count, her mind was left for nothing but finding you. She and Kara both took a break from their respective jobs, spending every waking moment trying to find you.

The twins found it hard to concentrate on school. But they pushed through knowing you would’ve wanted them to.

Your hands were chained above your head, suspended a couple of inches in the air. Your lip had split with a black eye forming. The famous Luthor glare burning holes into the two masked men in the video.

“Here’s the deal, Superwoman reveals her identity to the world and we won’t kill your daughter.”

“Wait Wait this was the whole plan? Beat me up so Superwoman would reveal her identity to the world? What the heck was the point of kidnapping me when you could’ve revealed her secret identity yourself. You’re the one stalking us!”

“Boss should I shut her up?”

“If you need to ask, you already should’ve done it.” The man turned to his henchman, gave him a knife and gestured towards your face.

“You see I just wanted to get you riled up. I knew Superwoman’s identity even when she was Supergirl. And she left me like this,” the man pulled off his mask revealing a familiar face Kara hated her first year as Supergirl, Maxwell Lord.

His face half burnt almost mechanical. No flesh, only bones and nerves.

“Am I supposed to know who you are?” You asked.

“No but your mother knows who I am. Your mom couldn’t save everyone and now she can’t save you. But she can do everything I say or your pretty face would be like mine.”

You moved into the knife that was pushed against on your face. It drew blood as you smirked.

Lord whooped. “You are bad ass! But that will change. I’ll be in touch...Kara.”

Lena rubbed her face in her hands. They’ve gotten nothing from the video. Each day she grew less and less sane, she buried herself in her home lab or in the D.E.O. Falling back to old habits of unhealthy hours and little to no meals.

And if Lena was falling back into old habits, Kara acted like a prisoner from Arkham. She’d pace the rooms blaming herself for what happened to her daughter.

You weren’t kidnapped because you were a Luthor, you were kidnapped because you were a Zor-El Danvers.

Lena’s and Kara’s relationship fell a little on the rocky kryptonite side. Arguments would break, they would even get noise complaints by the neighbors. They both spent late hours of the night on encryption or circling the Earth, the little hours they did sleep was spent on soaking pillows and in each other’s arms.

It wasn’t until a very similar night, both Kara and Lena had just fallen asleep when the D.E.O got a lead. Alex, Lena and Kara were immediately contacted. They all raced to the D.E.O to prepare. Hopefully it was a rescue and not a recovery.

~~~~~

All the men were taking down, Lord dealt with courtesy of Lena punch and Kara holding him down. Alex ordered the D.E.O take the escaped aliens that were working with Max and Max himself back to the D.E.O, escorted by the Super Twins, Dreamer, Brianiac, and Martian Man Hunter.

Lena, Alex and Kara walked towards the last room. Lena had her lip in between her teeth, Alex’s hand shaking as Kara’s heart pounded. With Kara looking back at her wife and sister for extra confidence, the other few times had been the same but now was nerve taking. It was either that you were her or you weren’t and they were too late.

The steel door dragged against the wooden floor. The room was poorly lit with a orange lightbulb in the center of the room. There were torturing tools, some clean, some rusty and some with a thin line of blood. The three froze, there eyes flooded with tears. Lena gasping for air.

A puddle of blood under the body. Wrists red and pale, ankles puffed out like a balloon. Your head hung low. A rib seen on both sides, the sports bra and spanx stained brown and red. Trails of red drop down your body like splatter paint.

Lena cried loudly when she saw your back designed like an old willow tree mixed with black webs. Lena shakingly reached for your face scared that once she touched you you’d crumble into dust. A purple tennis ball on your right eye and the left side of your face heavily scarred.

“Mom,” you whimpered, recognizing the delicate touch.

“I got you. You’re safe now.”

Alex released the chains from your wrists as Kara’s strong arms swaddled you.

“We’re going to take you back to the D.E.O. You’ll be okay.”

Kara took off into sky. Alex broke several speeding laws under Lena’s instructions ‘Any speeding ticket you get I’ll pay off. Just drive!’

~~~~~

Stitches, bandages, casts and wires flooded your body. The room was bright with every Superfriends littered on the floor.

The scene in front of them wasn’t pretty but Lena and Kara preferred this, knowing you were here.

Lena held onto your hand, using her thumb to rub the back.

“Haha! I win!” Lucas threw pieces of Monopoly at his brother.

“Can’t a girl heal in peace?” You grumbled.

Cheers erupted in the room and a groan afterwards. You had made immediate eye contact with Kelly.

She knew that look, it was the look of needing help without wanting to tell anyone else.

#lena luthor x reader #lena luthor #lena luthor imagines #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor x daughter reader #kara danvers x reader #kara danvers #kara danvers imagines #kara danvers imagine #kara danvers x daughter!reader #supercorp #supercorp x reader #supercorp imagines #supercorp imagine #supergirl #supergirl x reader #supergirl imagines #supergirl imagine

360 notes · View notes

youtuberswithalex · 4 years

Text

Keep It Hidden

Summary: Virgil caught his least favorite illness of them all (if one could have such a thing)—the stomach flu. The last thing he wants is for the others to find out. (Pre-Accepting Anxiety)

A/N: This is the sickfic that I wrote for an anon last week that got WAY out of hand and ended up as a five-page fic-- I hope you enjoy!!

Warnings: detailed depiction of vomiting, sickness, mentioned Unsympathetic Dark Sides, cursing

Word count: 1,878

---

Virgil had known this day would come eventually, but now that it was actually here, it sucked.

Getting sick was far from a rare occurrence for him. When Thomas got a little too nervous, or got jumpscared one too many times in a day, Virgil’s immune system would go to shit and he’d be left as some sort of feverish mess. He’d had what felt like every type of illness under the sun over the years—colds, flus, sinus infections, ear infections, chicken pox, and so, so many more.

His normal routine was to lay on the couch and watch cartoons until whatever bug he had this time passed. He’d cover his head with blankets whenever Remus ran by, screaming about butts, and he’d hiss at Deceit until he got the message that he wanted to be alone. And with the other guy, he’d…

Well. Virgil didn’t want to think about what he’d had to do to get him away.

It wasn’t a fun system, but it got him better way faster than if he stayed cooped up in his bedroom, for some reason. He liked to think it had something to do with the cartoons, or maybe just being away from the germs that got him sick in the first place.

And then the Dark Sides kicked him out, and he got stuck with the Light Sides that despised him, and he’d caught his least favorite illness of them all (if one could have such a thing)—the stomach flu.

And it sucked.

For the last six hours, Virgil had been curled up on the bathroom floor, throwing up what felt like everything he’d ever eaten in the last three years until there was nothing but bile. Every gag and retch at this point felt like someone was trying for force a rock up his esophagus. Between cycles, he would lay down and press his throbbing head against the cool tiles below, but it never lasted long before being sideways took its toll on his stomach and he was retching over the toilet again.

The only thing he could be grateful for was that it had started in the early hours of the morning. The last thing he wanted was for the Lights to see him like this. But he knew his luck was running out, and he needed to get back to his room before—

“Anxiety!” Bam, bam, bam! “Hurry up in there! I need to make myself beautiful for the day!”

Virgil choked back a groan, pushing himself off the floor as he glared at the door. “It’s a bathroom, Princey, not a miracle store,” he snapped.

He heard Roman gasp. “How dare you! I got a full ten hours of beauty sleep last night; I just need to touch myself up!”

His eyes fluttered shut at the mention of sleep, but he did his best to stay awake enough to make his voice sound normal. “Have you tried 24?”

Another noise of offense sailed through the door, followed by footsteps storming away. As soon as Virgil heard them going down the stairs, he moved as quickly as he could handle to get up and clean the bathroom. He then rushed down the hall to get to his bedroom, shutting the door just as Patton was coming up.

Legs trembling, Virgil slid down the door and breathed as evenly as he could.

Knock, knock. “Anxiety?”

This time, he didn’t hold his groan. “What?”

“Breakfast is almost ready!” Patton said. “I made some eggs, and Logan’s making his special waffles! You do not want to miss out on this!”

Just the thought of food made him wish he’d never left the bathroom. He squeezed his stomach. “I’m not hungry. Eat without me.”

There was a pause. “Are you sure? You shouldn’t skip meals like this, kiddo…”

“Positive.” Virgil’s stomach twisted again, and he swallowed thickly, panic welling up inside him “Leave me alone.”

“But Anxiety—”

“Go away!”

A moment passed, and then Patton let out a breath. “Okay,” he softly said. “Just… Please come down for lunch, at least?”

“I’m not making any promises,” Virgil grunted. He carefully pushed himself to his feet, and as footsteps slowly disappeared down the hall, he slowly lowered himself back into bed.

Bundling himself up in as many blankets as he could, Virgil shut his eyes and forced himself to try to get some sleep.

---

He was awoken a few hours later by another knock on the door. “Anxiety?”

Virgil sat straight up, looking towards the source of the sound as his brain struggled to differentiate reality and his fever dream. “Whu… Huh?”

“Patton has asked me to notify you that lunch is ready,” Logan stated. “He was very adamant that you attend, and I can’t say I feel much different. Skipping meals, especially breakfast, is extremely unhealthy.”

Scrubbing at his eyes, Virgil let out a moan. “I’ll be down in a minute…,” he muttered.

“Excellent. I will see you momentarily.”

“Mm-hm…”

Virgil hardly heard the footsteps walk away as he leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. It was so nice and warm here in bed… So easy to fall back asleep…

---

The next time he woke up, it was to a sharp twist in his stomach.

His eyes shot open to see a dim room and an orange sky; he remembered with a start what he’d last been doing, and would have let out a curse had he not been breathing heavily, trying to force the nausea away as soon as he could. He balled up his fist and held it in front of his trembling mouth. He did not want to be sick again.

His body, however, seemed to have other plans.

Virgil shuffled out of bed and towards the door as fast as he could. He wrapped a loose arm around his stomach as soon as he was on his feet. Knowing the others were probably around, he did his best to be silent opening his door.

Another door opened down the hall. Virgil looked over in time to make eye contact with Roman as he stepped into the hall.

They glared.

“Well, it looks like someone was projecting this morning,” Roman sneered.

Virgil huffed out a shaky breath before stumbling towards the bathroom. “Shut up, Princey,” he wheezed.

“Oh, so you can dish it out, but you can’t take it, huh?”

He shut the door and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet.

“Real mature, Sir Ector de Morbid!”

Virgil retched.

The first heave took out any bile remaining in his stomach from that morning, and then all he could do was dry heave until his body decided to stop. His abs ached like there was no tomorrow; his lungs burned as he struggled to get air between cycles. Snot and tears dribbled down his face and landed in the water below.

“Uh… Patton?” Roman’s voice yelled from outside.

An agonizing minute or two later, the door burst open, and a gasp echoed between the tiled walls.

“Oh, Anxiety…!”

One hand rested between his shoulder blades while another slipped into his hair, each rubbing soothing circles. Virgil tried to shake them off, but with his head still in the toilet, found it very hard to do so.

(Not that he really wanted to, anyway—it was… strangely comforting.)

When his stomach finally gave him the chance to breathe, Virgil slumped against the seat and panted. His head spun like the tilt-a-whirl at the county fair, and his eyelids felt as heavy as the ride itself. It would be so easy to just… take a little nap…

The hands removed themselves from his body, and Virgil had to choke back a whine. They weren’t gone for long, though; a second later, they rested on his shoulders and sat him up before carefully settling him back against the tub.

He cracked his eyes open to watch as Patton rested a hand on his forehead. Behind him, Logan was filling a paper cup with water at the sink. Roman hovered in the hall just outside the door.

“I didn’t…” Virgil tried to swallow. “Di’n mean to miss lunch,” he breathed.

“Shh, it’s okay, Anxiety,” Patton whispered. “You’re running a bit of a fever… Why didn’t you tell us you weren’t feeling well?”

Virgil whined. “Didn’t wanna.”

Logan crouched and held out the water. “Drink this. You need to stay hydrated.”

Virgil tried to take it, but his hands were trembling so much that he nearly dropped it as soon as he had to support its weight; Logan and Patton were quick to catch it and help guide it to his lips, where he practically began to pour it down his throat.

“Easy, easy…”

They pulled back after a moment, and Virgil drooped, leaning his head against the wall. He let out a moan and wrapped his arms around his stomach. Patton placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed little circles with his thumb before looking at Logan.

“What do you think it is?” he asked.

Logan inspected Virgil’s face with a frown. “Well, it appears his symptoms include vomiting, nausea, stomach cramps, and a fever, so I suspect it’s—”

“Stomach flu,” Virgil mumbled.

“Viral gastroenteritis, yes.”

Roman leaned against the doorway. “Were you ill this morning?”

Virgil shut his eyes. “Uh-huh.”

“Is that why you were taking so long in the bathroom?”

“Uh-huh.”

Patton looked at him. “When did this start up, kiddo?”

He swallowed thickly, then let out a whimper when a cramp rolled through his stomach again. “Woke up at like… 1:30…?”

“Oh, Anxiety…” Patton pressed his hand to his cheek and frowned. “Why don’t we set you up on the couch for tonight? I know you don’t like staying outside your room for too long, but I really want to keep an eye on you until you’re feeling better. We can watch whatever you want, if you’re up for it.”

Virgil opened his eyes to look at Patton; the father figure offered a gentle smile, despite his brow still being furrowed. His eyes flicked to Logan, who had a similar concerned gaze, and then to Roman, who refused to look his way. A pit settled in his stomach as he looked back to Patton.

“Is it gonna bother anyone if I’m out there…?” he whispered.

Patton shook his head. “No, honey. It’s okay. You’re allowed to be in the living room, sick or not. Okay?”

Tears threatened to form in Virgil’s eyes, but he forced them back. He sniffled and wiped at his nose.

“…Can we watch Billy and Mandy?”

-----

A few minutes later, Virgil lay on the couch, head in Patton’s lap, washrag on his forehead, and a blanket wrapped tight around his shivering body. A garbage can sat just in front of him, and the Grimm Adventures of Billy and Mandy played on the TV. Logan and Roman sat on the other side of the couch.

Patton was running his fingers through Virgil’s sweaty hair. Virgil tried to keep watching the show, but his eyes kept fluttering shut. Eventually, Patton leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Go to sleep, Anxiety,” he whispered. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

He was too tired to say no.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #sick fic #sickfic #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #alex writes

448 notes · View notes

sombreboy · 4 years

Text

Love Maze »20

Previous » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 11.9k ▎ ch.warnings: profanity, mentions of hospitals, side character yandere themes, graphic desc. of violence, mentions of blood, some angst :( , but also tooth rotting fluff, jealousy, smut, dom!tae, sub!koo, rimjob, fingering, oral/mouthfucking, wall fucking (LUBE IS IMPORTANT THIS IS JUST FICTION LMAO)

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang ♡♡♡

Jungkook had insisted on getting them a cab for the way home, and he was sure it took almost ten minutes of constant back and forth bantering between the two before he let Taehyung have his way of walking instead. He desperately needed the exercise, it seemed, so the younger eventually caved in, keeping a decently slow pace as he held his boyfriend's hand all the way home. More often than not, he'd glance over and catch Tae doing the same, only to be greeted by the boxy smile he knew too well. Fuck, the way Jungkook loves the guy...

"And we're home." Jungkook chimed as he closed the apartment door behind them before kicking off his shoes. He still held onto Tae's hand, letting the elder take the environment back in. It was the same as it had always been. But a bit messier... he honestly hadn't spent much time at his own apartment for the past weeks, as he would more often than not end up at Jisoo's.

Taehyung was instantly met with the comforting smell of Jungkook’s mild laundry detergent, his school bag carelessly littered on the ground, the bright sunlight peeking in through the windows... And, the vase of mismatched flowers..? He didn’t expect Jungkook to keep them— after everything that happened, that is. They’ve lost a significant amount of their bright color, yet they still managed to look beautiful. Just like his boyfriend, who had visibly lost a good amount of sleep. Now with the sun’s natural light, the faint eye bags were clear on the younger.... Had he thanked Kook for staying at the hospital until nearly three in the morning? “And we’re home.” Taehyung softly repeated, fingers having yet to part from the younger’s whilst he led them towards the couch. He urged Jungkook to sit down, only for him to take a seat on the latter’s lap. His arms circled around Kook’s neck, gaze twinkling with overpowering fondness as he stared down at him. “Hey, dumbass..” Taehyung smiled. “I love you. Thanks for waiting at the hospital until.. really late at night..” The elder shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno if I thanked you for that yet.” With the most gentle of touches, the pads of Tae’s warm thumbs brushed the delicate skin underneath Jungkook's eyes, wishing it could erase the obvious signs of fatigue.

Jungkook's hands settled to grasp Tae's slim waist, looking up at him with his dark, doe eyes. He hadn't stopped to really feel the exhaustion in his body until now. Because he hadn't felt like he could relax until he had his boyfriend in his own care-- the only care he trusted truly wanted nothing but the best. "I love you too." He felt his eyes sting a bit from the lack of sleep, leaning his cheek into the palm of Taehyung's hand before kissing it, eyes still admiring the view above. "I'm just happy you're okay...also, you're staying home tomorrow too. Doctors orders." Kook smiled. "but at least you have my PlayStation, and you can text me--" he paused to recollect his memories. "actually, I might need a new phone." He was pretty sure it broke, laying somewhere in the kitchen with a cracked screen.

A defeated, deep groan slipped past Taehyung, who childishly threw his head back in distaste. The elder didn’t know who the hell he was, but he suddenly missed school.. Maybe he simply missed his routine of waiting for Jungkook in the common room, or the taste of crappy breakfast with their friends. Either way, it was trippy. “Kook, I was trying to soften you up so you’d forget..” He pouted, resuming to look down into his boyfriend’s tired eyes. “Why would you need a new phone?” Like the whipped man he was, Taehyung began pressing a trail of innocent kisses all over Jungkook’s face, clueless of the reason.

Jungkook ignored the question, deliberately avoiding it by indulging in the kisses by pressing Tae down on his lap, "Just clumsy." he whispered as he chased the elders lips with his own until he managed to catch them in a sweet kiss, pressing their mouths together with a quiet, content hum. "Are you hungry? I have some delicious, unhealthy instant noodles with your name on it."

Jungkook didn’t need to ask Tae twice, the elder was already on his antsy feet. He’d been craving something other than a side of soggy noodles and rice. Hospital food wasn’t exactly the best, but he remained thankful. If it was up to him, Tae would’ve easily settled for a hefty granola bar. Extending out a hand, he helped pull Kook’s athletic body from off the couch, deeply refusing to admit that his boyfriend was getting a bit harder to carry around. The elder wondered how he’d built so much muscle.. He had to catch up, before Kook got too strong for his own good.

“You’re staring at me..” Taehyung mumbled through a mouthful, looking up from his bowl to stare back at the younger, questioning what he found so eye-catching.

Jungkook stirred his noodles mindlessly as his eyes had been fixed on his boyfriend. The other night, Taehyung's father had said things that kept replaying in his mind on a constant loop, unable to let it go... "The night your dad came to the hospital..." he paused to make sure Tae was keeping up, taking a breath himself as he brought the noodles to his lips, blowing on the steamy food to cool it down. "He said that you'd move away for college..." the thought alone had kook slowly losing his appetite, putting the bowl back down without taking that bite. "what's up with that?" He tried really hard to not sound upset, because he wasn't even sure it was true. There's no way it could be, because if it was.. his boyfriend would tell him, right?

Ah, that..

Taehyung mirrored Jungkook’s on edge pose of sitting, swallowing down his previous bite of food before tucking the bowl aside. Figuratively, not literally. If it was up to him, Tae wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. His boyfriend didn’t seem likely to let it go, however. “My dad wants me to follow in his footsteps, or whatever.” Taehyung sighed. “wants me to study business and work for his company.” The elder didn’t like the silence, where had their sweet moment gone? “There’s this prestigious college in America that he’s got his eyes on. And he’s set on getting me a spot..” Now that he thought about it, the time difference was bound to be a bitch. “I mean, it’s a possibility but nothing has been decided yet.” As much as he was reassuring Kook, he was reassuring himself.

Jungkook didn't know how to feel about this, the uncertainty in Taehyung's voice telling him that he didn't seem too into the idea either... But it was still a possibility. ''Do you want to go?'' Kook asked, the food forgotten as he scooted closer to Tae, their thighs pressing together. ''I..'' He wanted to say that he didn't want his boyfriend to go, but it would be selfish in a sense. Maybe Taehyung did want to. Hell, Koo's never asked what the hell the elder even dreamed of becoming.

“I don’t know what I want.” He was truthful with his response. Tae was in his late teens, he didn’t think anyone his age knew exactly what their sole purpose in life was. And if they did, they’d be glad to know Kim Taehyung envied them. Not knowing what to offer to the world oftentimes took a toll on him. Other than basketball, Tae didn’t think he was good at much else.. Once school turned into an old page, what the hell was he going to tackle next? A cashier at a store? A fast food worker? The elder needed needed some stability in his rollercoaster of a life.

“Maybe I was meant to be a businessman or some shit. I’ll never know if I don’t.. try, I guess.” Taehyung turned to look at his boyfriend, spotting the faint look of sadness in the younger’s expression. “Babe.. whatever happens, we’ll make it work, alright?” His hands cupped Jungkook’s face, craning his neck down to hopefully catch a glimpse of those doe eyes. “We still have time left before I get to really think about any of that.”

Jungkook's shoulders relax a bit at the reassurance, nodding as his cheeks are slightly squished. A faint smile pulled on his pouty lips, reaching to wrap his arms around Taehyung and pull him close, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose into the elders neck, breathing him in. ''Whatever you choose, we'll make it work.'' A selfish part of him hoped that he didn't have to watch his boyfriend leave, though. But that was still a future problem, he didn't need to worry now. Jungkook pulled back after a moment of simply enjoying Tae's touch, his doe eyes admiring how Taehyung already looked so much better than he did at the hospital. ''Sorry for bringing it up-- let's just finish dinner. I'm fucking spent..'' He chuckled, one hand moving up to swipe his thumb across Tae's jaw softly. ''I love you.''

“So I’ve heard..” Taehyung chuckled, leisurely leaning forward to engulf Jungkook’s lips in a slow, devoted kiss. His thumbs caressed over his boyfriend’s silk-like cheeks, noses brushing against one another as he deepened the shared, warm touch between their mouths. A second later, and Tae pulled away. “I love you too,” a big part of him wished he would’ve said it sooner, but Taehyung swore he’d make up for it by reminding Kook every chance he got.

After they finish eating their dinner, they indulge themselves in an anime— Jungkook’s pick. The night flew by with countless of questions on Taehyung’s end,

‘Why did he do that?’

‘What’s gonna happen next?’

‘This anime is making me wanna rip all my fucking hair out— that was a stupid move!’

Yeah, he was one of those people. Once the movie was done, it was time to sleep.

“I missed your bed just as much as I missed you.” The elder spread out his arms and legs on the comforter, laying with only his underwear intact.

"I missed having you in my bed." Jungkook coyly snickered as he sat down at the edge of the bed after discarding his pants, pulling his shirt over his head to carelessly throw it to the floor to join the other fabrics. "Haven't slept much since you weren't in it." He confessed quietly. And it was true. He'd never rocked eye bags the way he did until they were broken up, and he wasn't the usual chirpy morning person since then either. Kook crawled onto the bed, hovering on top of Taehyung to give his face several playful kisses, the muscles in his arms flexing as he was practically doing a pushup to kiss his boyfriend, heaving himself up just slightly out of care to not put his body weight on Tae. He still wasn't completely recovered after all, and hurting him on the first night back wouldn't be that smart.

Taehyung patted the empty spot next to him, waiting until Jungkook was situated by his side to pull the icy-cool covers over their warm bodies. The chilly touch only lasted for a couple of seconds, soon overtaken by the same warmth that kept them cozy in each other’s arms.

“I’m fucking tired..” Taehyung sluggishly mumbled into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, prodding the tip of his nose against the skin. These days he enjoyed being the little spoon.. Maybe it was due to the fact he felt weaker than usual, but something about the way Kook’s chest rocked him to sleep, the way his arms protectively closed in around him; making him feel all the more small— it was intoxicating as hell. “G’night, Kook.” With one chaste kiss to his jaw, Tae’s cheek found its place in Jungkook's firm, yet soft pec, the comfortable heat drawing him into the gates of dreamland.

The next morning arrived too soon in Jungkook's opinion. As the alarm went off, a sleepy groan vibrated in his throat, reaching over to silence the clock by the nightstand before glancing down at the man sleeping soundly on his chest. He hadn't moved an inch since they fell asleep.

"Morning." Kook whispered softly as he embraced his boyfriend in his arms, pressing his nose into the elders hair to savor the moment before he had to force himself up for his traditional morning shower. Truth is, he hadn't slept this well in weeks, and even if he got the proper sleep he desperately needed; his morning energy was still yet to be found until he would step into the bathroom. "Ugh... I don't want to go to school.." he whined as he held Taehyung closer, tightening the hold as if the boy would disappear if he didn't hold on to him.

But he had to get up.

Carefully, Kook squirmed out of the bed to gently let Taehyung take the space he was previously in, the heated space he left behind keeping Tae warm. Kook got up on his feet, leaning down to press a soft kiss on his cheek before turning to rummage through his drawers for clean clothes, stripping off his boxers on the way.

Despite the loud interruption of the alarm clock he’d grown to hate, Taehyung’s eyes remained closed. He simply slurred over his groggy words, letting Jungkook know that he heard him— somewhat. “Go to school..” The elder immediately took over his boyfriend’s side of the bed, snuggling extra close to the remaining space of warmth as if it was Kook himself. Jungkook might’ve left him for the shower, but his distinct, pleasant scent had yet to leave the untidy sheets that embraced Taehyung’s lean body, streaming down his bare shoulders. T he muffled sound of the shower coming down like rain quickly soothed him back to sleep. Tae wanted to say ‘goodbye, have a nice day at school’ to his boyfriend before he left, but his body appeared to have other plans. Oh well.. he’ll see Jungkook afterwards. After all, they spent every waking second together.

Jungkook got dressed after his shower and headed back to the bedroom, ruffling his hair with the towel as he watched his boyfriend who had fallen back asleep. He didn't want to wake him, he needed the rest after all, so he opted to simply press a gentle kiss on his temple before grabbing his backpack and leaving. He wanted this day over with so he could go back home.

But things never go as planned for Jeon Jungkook...

Half of the day had gone by fairly smoothly, eating his lunch with his hyungs as they continuously asked about Taehyung.

''Is he okay?''

''Yeah,'' Jungkook smiled, ''He was discharged last night, so I took him home.''

''Oh my god!'' Jimin finally looked up from his phone to flash a wide squinted grin, ''So you're both really good this time?''

''Yeah, we are.'' Kook confirmed once more, feeling giddy about it himself. He just wanted to go home and kiss him right this second. His hyungs were happy for him, finally the tense drama seemed to have cooled down, now they just needed their last missing piece of the group to return.

Jungkook was heading to his next class, he was a bit late, when he spotted a, unfortunately, familiar face in the empty hallway that had his back facing him. But there's still no way he wouldn't recognize Ash from a mile away.

Why was he at school? Didn't the cops take care of him?

Ash had always been freakishly skillful at detecting every little glance— every single glimpse that was directed towards him. He fed off of the attention; his highly alert senses notified him whenever he had a pair of intrusive eyes on him. It caused the muscles in his back to twitch ever so slightly, the heaviness getting to be uncomfortable. It was no surprise when Ash turned around, surprisingly meeting Jungkook’s gaze. “Kookie..?” He whispered underneath his hitched breath, pleased they were alone in the vacant hallway. It was just the two of them, the way it should’ve been. The way it should always be.. Jungkook’s heart belonged to him, he knew it. The younger surely must’ve come back to his senses. Now that Taehyung wasn’t in the way, Jungkook could be his once again. The boy was still alive, what a fuckin’ shame. But it was now that counted, at least he got rid of him for the time being..

This time, Ash would hold onto Jungkook tight. Their love would make Tae wish he was dead.

The man was brave, taking a few steps towards Kook. A wicked smile stretched from ear to ear. He couldn't wait to get him back. “Jungkookie, long time no see. Did you miss me?”

Jungkook stood his ground, the fear he once had for the man lingering in the back of his head-- but it was drowning out with the fury that was pending, like a fuse slowly trailing towards a ticking time bomb. Not to mention, Kook was much stronger this time around. He was not the same boy that Ash had cornered in his own house. "Drop the bullshit. I know what you did." He hissed out his venomous words, the muscles in his torso flexing as he straightened his posture. "Why are you even allowed in school?" He asked, genuinely wondering why the hell he wasn't expelled for what he did.

"Tsk, Kookie." Ash clicked his tongue, seemingly unfazed by the younger. But in all honesty, he did feel the intimidating aura oozing off of the boy. It was frightening, and arousing all at once. Ash's father was a big name for a reason, getting the boy out of trouble whenever needed. This was no exception. A little money always solved everything. "Don't you see, I was only protecting you from getting hurt by Taehyung. He is no good for you. I hated that he kept making you sad." He simply stated as he took another step closer.

"You did nothing to help. You're a psycho." Jungkooks voice was laced with warning, clenching his fists. "He almost fucking died!"

‘But he didn’t, sadly.’ That’s what Ash wished he could’ve said, but even he knew better than to irk Jungkook at a moment like this. He’s never seen the younger look so distraught, everything about him screamed ‘angry’. Ash noticed the way Jungkook’s fists trembled at his sides, even then, he stayed put. It didn’t matter if the younger was irritated, Kook was talking to him. That’s all he wanted, to hear the boy’s honey voice once again.

“Taehyung’s not right for you, Kookie. Why can’t you see that?” Ash remained scarily calm, already used to the cutting hostility oozing from the younger. “Look at you— you’re feeling this way because of him!” He extended out a hand towards his past lover’s clenched fist, wanting to reassure him with the faintest of touches. “Forget about Taehyung, he’s not that special. All of us would’ve still lived on if he’d died.”

Those words were all that was needed to flick a switch inside of Jungkook, and his eyes darkened to nothing but a swirl of blank rage. His temperament had always been bad, but he's never felt this kind, the feeling was a mix between numbness and a series of explosions inside of his chest. His body moved on it's own, the clenched fist hurling forward until he drove his knuckles into Ash's jaw. The punch was so powerful that it immediately brought the man down on his ass, and before both of them knew it, Jungkook followed down on the floor to straddle the man's torso. "You." He snarled as another punch echoed in the hallway, "will never-" another crack of Ash's nose crushing, drawing blood that stained his face and Kooks knuckles, "even THINK about touching my boyfriend!" At this point, punches were growing frequent as Jungkook went into a blacked out frenzy, his dark, stringy curls sticking to the clammy skin of his forehead. He saw red, and he couldn't control how badly he wanted to hurt the person who tried to kill the only thing Jungkook truly loved. There was no mercy in the way he kept going, and going, and going until there was blood dribbling profusely from Ash's mouth and nose. Somebody had to stop him. The back of his mind screamed for him to--- but he couldn't. The anger in him had taken over, and it was as if all his pent up anger from everything he's been through was being released at this very moment.

The abrupt interruption of grunts and heavy punches arising from the otherwise silent hallway caught the attention of a few teachers. A few scurried over to the centre of the commotion, trying their hardest to pull a raging Jungkook off of Ash whilst the rest calmed down the prying students peeking out of the doorways, sneakily recording the aftermath of the fight. If they hadn’t broken up the younger’s punches when they did, Ash would have not been laying on the bloodied ground with an unsettling, weakened smile on his busted lips. Little Jungkookie was all grown up..

The teachers tried calming Jungkook down, but the boy was in too deep of a haze.

“Alright, put the phones down!” After harshly scolding the group of students, their attention was back on Kook. They had each one of the latter’s rigid arms in their tight grasp, preventing him from acting on the impulse of lunging at Ash; whom was receiving medical help from the school nurse. The view was one of a crime scene, there was blood shed everywhere— on Jungkook’s knuckles, clothes, floor, and now on the nurse’s hands as she led Ash to the health room. Meanwhile, Kook was headed towards the principal’s office. Whatever his motive was, it was unacceptable. There had to be consequences.

Jungkook was yet to come down from his rage until he was standing outside of the door to the principal's office. The teachers holding him didn't let him go, but opened the door to drag him inside towards the chair in front of the desk, where a very surprised principal was seated.

''Jeon?'' He said as he leaned forward in his chair, observing the mess that is one of his top students. He'd never ever been in this office for any reason whatsoever, so seeing this man... It wasn't the boy any of the staff recognized. ''What on earth happened?''

The teachers had finally let go of the young boy, standing behind the chair as they explained the recent events. Jungkook had severely harmed another student.

''This is not acceptable, Jeon..'' The principal was obviously upset and disappointed in him, ''Do you have anything to say?''

Jungkook's nostrils flared as he took deep breaths, eyes avoiding any of the adults, instead keeping his gaze fixed on his lap. ''He deserved it.'' he breathed out quietly, voice strained. His shoulders heaved up and down heavily as he finally noticed the blood on his hands, observing the bruised skin on his knuckles. He'd thrown punches so hard it scraped his own skin off.

The principal sighed, a hint of sadness in his eyes as he saw the pain and anger linger in Jungkook. But this wasn't something that could be justified by any means. ''Jeon Jungkook.. You're expelled from the school until further notice.''

Jungkook's eyes finally shot up to stare at the elder man, getting up on his feet so fast that the teachers behind him lunge forward to place a hand on each of his shoulders-- scared that he'd attack... Like he was some kind of animal.

''Wait, sir-- Let me explain!''

''Dismissed. Leave the premises immediately. I'm sorry Jeon.''

And yet, Ash never faced any consequences. Instead, Jungkook lost everything he'd been working his ass off for.

Fuck... What now?

Jungkook shrugged the hands away from his shoulders, hissing a 'Fine' before storming out the door. He didn't even notice the many looks and whispers coming his way as he headed down the hallways, and it wasn't until he was finally out on the street that everything slowly started to sink in.

''Fuck.... Fuck!'" he cursed, feeling his tears well up in his eyes. Wiping his cheek with his hand, he cursed once more as the blood on his hands smeared it-- but he couldn't bring himself to care. He just wanted to go home and take a shower, not a single thought on anything but crawling into his bed to process his previous meltdown. He didn't even want to face his hyungs, so he headed home. Slowly he made his way up the stairs to his apartment, fishing for the keys in his pocket. Another series of curses slipped through his lips as he dropped his keys too many times that he wanted to admit, his hands were aching, shaking... Finally, he managed to unlock the door and step inside, hoping that his boyfriend would still be asleep so he could take a quick shower and not look like he had been involved in a fight club.

“What the fuck! I fucking killed that guy, this is bullshit..” Taehyung shouted at the ‘Game Over’ displayed on the screen of the TV. They had to put it in bold letters, as if Tae wasn’t already feeling the discouraging ache in his chest— and hands. The thumbs that were previously working on the buttons of the controller were sore, their quick movements and utmost attention wasted. He’d woken up a few hours after Jungkook’s subtle departure, completely disoriented whilst he sat on his boyfriend’s bed, in his boyfriend’s room. However, his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. It’d taken him a few too many seconds to remember, the common symptoms of a heavy sleep having yet to subdue from his mind. The rest of the day was far from eventful, especially without Jungkook by his side. Taehyung would’ve spammed the younger’s phone with borderline annoying text messages, but he’d been too busy playing video games to actually go through with it. In fact, his cellphone remained in the back pocket of his pants. Which remained on the floor of Jungkook’s bedroom.. Wanting to quench his sudden want for his boyfriend’s smell, Taehyung stole a change of the boy’s comfortable clothes. The shirt seemed way too big on him, but the sweatpants fit him okay. “Fuck.. let’s try again.” The elder heard the familiar chiming of keys, unaware of the time. It had to be after three, Kook was finally home. “Baby, hey. I’m playi— Jungkook-ah, what happened?” Taehyung might’ve not seen the younger leave for school, but he was sure Jungkook didn’t leave looking the way he did. The remote fell onto the couch, and Tae quickly shuffled on his feet. “Kook.. what— what the hell happened? Why are you all bloodied up?” Taehyung’s worried eyes inspected over the bruising on his inflamed knuckles, warm hands reaching outwards to cup his boyfriend’s solemn face. “You got in a fight? With who.. Jungkook, what the hell are you doing getting into fights?” His noticeable concern didn’t leave any room for answers, simply spitting out one question after the other.

Jungkook's eyes were glazed with an unnamed emotion, avoiding Tae's worried eyes as he looked to the side, then the other, before they finally landed back on his boyfriend. At least Taehyung was okay. He had Taehyung. Without a word, a shaky sigh pushed through his nostrils as he wrapped his arms around Taehyung's slim waist to pull him in for a hug, shrugging away from the hold on his face to bury his nose into the elders neck. "I'm sorry. I promised you not to..." Koo sighed again, this time feeling the remaining scatters of his anger mix with the sadness of the consequences he had to deal with, and it showed in the way his body was trembling with every word. "I just got so angry, everything blacked out, I... he.. fuck..." He didn't give any specifics, his mind too blurred by everything repeating itself in the back of his mind. The one thing keeping him grounded was the warmth of Taehyung.

If Taehyung wasn’t already taken aback by the unforeseen, soul-stirring embrace, Jungkook’s unsteady confession surely had him wide eyed.

‘He’...

The soft palm of his hand swept over Jungkook’s back, the other held on to the latter’s nape, thumb pressing circular motions over the taut skin.

Who was, ‘he’..

“You’re okay, angel.” Whatever it was that was bothering him, Tae wanted to get rid of it. “I’m here.”

‘I promised you not to...’

‘He’.

At that moment, it clicked. Jungkook was talking about Ash. The realization made Taehyung hug him even tighter, even closer. The younger needed him at this moment, so to blame him for acting on his impulses wouldn’t be the smartest idea.

“Deep breaths, Kook..”

Jungkook did as told, taking deep ragged breaths until they were steady enough for him to feel himself relax even the slightest. When he finally did, he still took another moment to just feel Taehyung's comfort-- as if everything happening around him wasn't his reality in this very moment. Just him and Tae.

"I'm sorry..." he murmured into the elders neck once more, tightening the hold around his waist, "I fucked everything up." And just like that, he felt himself crumble again, quiet sobs causing his shoulders to shake. He didn't regret beating Ash up, but being expelled? His scholarships went down the drain. His hard work wasted. He'd lost everything.

No basketball... No money. That idea of a part time job had to become a full time one at this point.

“Hey, don’t talk down to yourself, alright? There’s nothing you should be sorry for..” Taehyung turned his head to stamp a kiss onto the younger’s temple. “We’re going to figure this out. Together.” Tae didn’t exactly know what happened, but he’d been invited to the principal’s office far too many times in the past. The older man was kind, yet extremely stern when it came down to it. A bloody fight in the halls of his school? Expulsion was deemed the best fit. Fuck.. Taehyung knew how seriously Jungkook took his studies. The news must’ve been equivalent to getting a bag of bricks thrown at his chest. “If you’re worried about money.. I’ll help you.” The elder pulled away to gaze into his glazed eyes. “Just— just tell me you want me to work and I’ll start looking for a job. This place feels like my own.”

Jungkook slowly loosened his grip around his boyfriend until he simply rested his hands on his hips, pulling back just enough to look at him. "Yeah?" A small smile tugged at his lips, when did Taehyung become so... sweet? He's become more and more domestic the more they were together, the boy nothing like the aggressive mess he used to be. Well, an enhanced, better version. But now... Kook started to feel like he's the one becoming a worse version of himself.

"Focus on school first." Kook hissed quietly when he felt the sting in his knuckles as he accidentally brushed them against the fabrics of Tae's shirt. "ouch.... man, I need a shower." But the thought of washing with his hands made him cringe a bit.

Gently, Tae’s fingers advanced downwards to wrap around Jungkook’s wrist, bringing the younger’s hand up to his face for closer inspection. A thin layer of skin had come loose from his knuckles, giving the blood more raw area to resurface. “No, what you need is a deep cleanup. Uh, let me get the..” It was then that Taehyung realized he didn’t know where to start. “The.. shit, how do you do this?” He masked it well, but in that very moment, Taehyung felt like he was deserving of the title for the shittiest boyfriend in the world. Kook needed him, yet he couldn’t care for him in the ways he was supposed to. “I’m sorry.” Tae rubbed a hand over his nape when suddenly someone else came to mind.. He wasn’t necessarily fond of this person, but if it meant that Jungkook wouldn’t be in pain anymore, he’d reach out to the devil himself. “We’re going to Jisoo’s, she’d know what to do.”

Jungkook inspected his knuckles as well, wincing at the sight of the skin. It stung really bad... He would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised that Tae suggested to visit Jisoo, however understanding by the fact that.. well, Tae was pretty clueless when it came to these things. ''Yeah, that's a good idea.'' Kook agreed mindlessly. Jisoo always knew what to do. And she'd be thrilled to see that Taehyung made it okay-- but... maybe not by the fact that Jungkook looked like he'd killed a person. ''Right now?'' He asked sheepishly, wiping his cheek with the palm of his hand to remove some of the dried blood.

Tae snuck an arm around Jungkook’s waist, partly to guide him outside, and the other to rub off their relationship in Jisoo’s face. Call him petty, he doesn’t give a fuck. “Yeah, right now.” He was glad the woman was simply a few steps to their left, arriving at her door in a matter of seconds.

It didn’t take long for Jisoo to appear after a couple knocks, her expression of relief when seeing Taehyung shifting into one of horror when her tired eyes fell on Jungkook. She didn’t know how to feel. “Uhm.. wha— what happened? Oh my goodness, come in, come in!” The woman shut the door behind them, urging Kook to sit down on the couch. Tae sat down next to him, one of his hands possessively placed on his boyfriend’s thigh. “Tell me what happened, you look like you killed a person..” Jisoo came back with a small box in her hold, pulling up a chair in front of Jungkook before reaching for the latter’s bleeding hand, worry evident in her face.

Jungkook felt vaguely trapped in between the two, one possessively squeezed to his side as the other was sitting straight in front of him. He was used to Jisoo's close proximity, none of it even making him blink twice when she picked up his hand, the touch all too familiar. He supposed he did almost kill a person, a part of him wondered what would've happened if nobody had stopped him. But obviously he wasn't going to mention that. ''Ah.. It's complicated.'' Jungkook tried to avoid the question, he didn't want her to worry about his temper, knowing she knows that it isn't his best quality. He hissed when she brought out the disinfectant, cautiously wiping his wounds clean to avoid any further swelling.

''I don't believe this is nothing,'' Jisoo pressed further, her eyes moving up to meet the youngers. It felt odd that the close proximity between the two didn't feel... well, odd.

''Got into a fight, that's all..'' A one sided fight, but Ash deserved it. Jungkook would do it all over again without any regret.

Jisoo hummed, still not believing him entirely. She had sharper eyes than you'd think, noting how only Jungkook's knuckles were the parts that were actually bruised, while the rest of him was simply just stained with blood. Most likely not his own. She also noted Taehyung's hand slowly moving up and down Jungkook's thigh as to soothe his pain, internally scolding herself for actually feeling a pang of jealousy.

''But..'' Jungkook sighed quietly, he did trust Jisoo with a lot of things. There's no way he could keep a big thing like this from her, however bad it sounds. ''I got expelled.''

The disinfecting of the cuts on his damaged skin took a small pause. Jisoo’s light brown eyes were nearly the size of a ping pong ball, staring up at Kook with utter shock.

Jungkook got expelled..? Her friend Jungkook?

“Oh. Damn, that’s.. that’s horrible.” The other hand that didn’t have the latter’s own bruised one on her lap reached out to smooth over Jungkook’s bicep, trying to soothe him with a simple touch. She didn’t mean anything flirtatious from it.. kind of. But Taehyung knew better. After catching them kissing, every glance from Jisoo felt wrong.. invasive. “If you need help with anything.. money, food— anything, just, reach out to me.”

“Don’t worry. He’s gonna be turning to me for any help.” Taehyung spoke for the first time since he stepped foot into her apartment. His tone of voice wasn’t spiteful, but it wasn’t kind either..

“Oh.. uhm, yeah. Yeah I mean, I get it. Sure.” The tension between the two couldn’t even be cut with a knife. The woman inhaled before continuing to mend for Jungkook’s wounds, trying her hardest to not be affected by the hostility in her own apartment. “Anyways.. Yuna keeps asking for you, Googie.” Jisoo flashed a quick smile, hoping to ease the uncomfortable tension in the room. Babies automatically made everything better.. right?

Jungkook was oblivious to the tension between the two, feeling the smile tug on his lips at the mention of little Yuna. ''Yeah? Where is she?'' He asked, momentarily forgetting about the problems that was his ban from school, and the future. He always felt weak for the little child and her pure joy. ''Maybe she wouldn't want to see me looking all messed up, though..'' He remembered, lifting his hand to look at how the irritation of his wounds had gone down significantly from the cleaning.

Jisoo seemed pleased that Kook was unaware, even more so that the mention of Yuna brought a smile to his face. He needed it.. “She’s taking a much needed nap. You know.. all that crying, pooping, and peeing is tiring.” The woman chuckled at her own joke, stealing a curious glance at Taehyung. He remained poker faced, the topic of babies not working on him. Jisoo softly cleared her throat, spreading the lukewarm gel over Jungkook’s prominent knuckles. “And she always wants to see you, by the way. She loves you, trust me.” It was true, Yuna’s never been more infatuated with a man in her life. She hadn’t experienced much of life yet, but the way her squeaky squeals grew in size at the sight of Kook was endearing.

Jungkook's toothy grin grew further at the thought of Yuna's little joyful squeals, a light chuckle emitting from his lips. That little girl had a piece of Kooks heart, that was for sure. "I'll have to come play with her soon, I bet she will go crazy if she can't mess up my hair soon." He loved children, and just thinking about it made his heart feel lighter.

A moment of silence followed, Jungkook was quietly looking at Jisoo as she did the same, the odd moment of having the two people who must care about him the most was both.. weird yet comforting. However, the younger was in dire need of a shower...

"Alright noona," he said as he placed his hands on his thighs to get ready to head out, "Were gonna go, I need to get out of these clo-.. well I need a shower." He didn't want to overshare like he usually would, especially not with his boyfriend around. Things were different again. "Thank you for taking care of me." The underlying meaning of his words were there, she always took care of him-- time and time again. He reached out to give her a soft squeeze on her hand before getting out of the couch, Taehyung quickly followed behind him like a puppy until they were at the door.

It was official, Taehyung was jealous. He admitted it hurt somewhere deep within to watch Jisoo and Jungkook interact. Not out loud, but internally counts.. The way they stared at one another prompted a powerful clench in his chest— and fists. Their shared inside jokes, ‘Googie’, how they didn’t seem uncomfortable when she unhesitantly rested Kook’s hand on her bare lap, as if it was a natural occurrence for them. I t made Tae wonder if they’ve gone further than a simple kiss. Just because it was something he didn’t wish to accept, it didn’t mean that it couldn’t have been a reality.. He was grateful for Jisoo in certain aspects. But when it came to flirting with his handsome boyfriend? She messed with the wrong guy. Taehyung wasn’t blind. He saw and cherished all of the younger’s attractive qualities. It made him cocky to know others couldn’t express their desire the way he could.. Oh and did he express it. Multiple times.

Once they’d made the short walk back to Jungkook’s apartment, Tae slammed the door behind him, walking closer to Kook until his hands comfortably rested on his hips. “Glad you’re feeling better.” Not a second longer, Taehyung attached his longing lips to his boyfriend’s neck, sucking on the skin like he’d never done before. The hands that rested on each hip snaked down to Jungkook’s ass, groping the plump flesh in between his long fingers. Bless whoever invented sweatpants.

“I caught you ‘n Jisoo kissing.” Tae squeezed harder, sucked rougher. It appeared as if he was talking about the weather, not putting much mind into it. Whatever happened, happened. “You have no fucking idea how jealous that makes me..” The elder growled into his ear. “did you fuck too? Hm?”

Jungkook groaned quietly at the sudden intimacy, immediately granting the elder more access to his neck by craning it to the side. Tae's hot breath fanned his ear, causing his ass muscles to tense up in his grasp. Wait, Taehyung saw them kissing? When? "Ah..." he whined as he placed his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders. "Mm....'m sorry.. it just.. " he paused to focus on another breath, overly responsive to the dominance Taehyung oozed-- it's been so long since Kook was on the receiving end of this. "It j-just kinda happened.."

Jungkook’s blatant response only fed into Taehyung’s jealousy, a hint of anger was thrown into the boiling mix. “It just kinda happened, huh..” Frustrated, he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, refusing to believe that was the best apology Kook had to offer. His indecisive hands slid upwards to grip onto Jungkook’s waist, keeping the latter on his feet whilst Taehyung’s teeth tugged at an abused patch on his thick, accessible neck. Curious, the elder glanced up at him through the microscopic openings in his dark eyelashes. His tipped jaw flexed with every bite, lick, and inch of attention he was putting into Jungkook, withdrawing his wet lips when pleased with the final product. Taehyung looked into his boyfriend’s doe eyes, noticeably determined as he spoke. “I’m gonna make rough love to you, and you’re gonna take every second of it.” This time, Taehyung wasn’t playing around. He had to show everyone whom Jungkook belonged to, otherwise they’d try to steal him. That just couldn’t happen. “Off to the bed, baby. I wanna shove my dick inside that tight little ass of yours— and soon.”

A breathy 'yes' was all Jungkook could muster to say as he immediately did as he was ordered to do, heading towards the bed. He stood by the edge, the back of his knees pressing against the foot of the bed as he kept his darkened, needy gaze on his boyfriend. He had missed this side of Taehyung, he had to admit. It reminded him of the strong, stubborn asshole he fell in love with. Without a word, he stripped his stained clothes off until he was wearing nothing at all, no patience left for what's to come. And besides, if he could read the elders eyes right, there was no patience left in him either. Just pure, jealous, possessive lust. Kook remained standing however, not daring to do anything else until told so.

“Fuck, I love it when you get desperate.” Taehyung took his time to closely examine every dip, rounded edge, and margin of Jungkook’s naked body. And goddamn, was it a sight to see... There came a time where he couldn’t handle seeing. Instead, he needed to feel. It’s been way too long. Part of him forgot about what made his boyfriend’s fleshy, warm insides so addicting.. Taehyung stepped closer to the younger, now able to make out the goosebumps running along his milky skin. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, you know that?” His lips ghosted over Jungkook’s, his neck, and ears. “Even the way you’re oozing precum is adorable.” Taehyung brushed the tip of their noses together, breathing onto his face. “You’re adorable, that’s all you are at the moment.” His bigger hands tightly squeezed onto Jungkook’s hips, sure to leave a mark. “But you know what should bring you shame? Fucking someone else behind my back.” He pressed their foreheads together, hungry eyes lusting over a quick taste of his boyfriend’s rosy lips. But he wouldn’t. Until Jungkook came out with a different, heartfelt apology, Taehyung would hold back. I n the blink of an eye, the elder’s pointer finger was pointed at the vacant bed. “On all fours, make sure you stick out that pretty little ass.”

Jungkook's hitched breath got caught in his throat in the form of a muffled whine from Taehyung's rough hands, the way he hisses his words out turned the younger on so fucking much. It surely was confusing as it mixed with his guilt for what he'd done while they were broken up. He didn't utter a word. And honestly, he probably wouldn't be able to even if he tried. Being so easily subdued by the elder, despite his larger and obviously more powerful frame, he crumbled into a little boy that just wanted to please as soon as Tae speaks. Jungkook turned on his heels to climb up on the bed on his knees, glancing over his shoulder through his dark locks at his boyfriend before slowly getting down on all fours, keeping his torso up with his elbows on leverage. It took him a few seconds too long to lower himself a bit further, arching his back just a tad bit to give his ass that extra bit of a plump look. A soft sigh escaped his lips, a bit embarrassed by how exposed he suddenly felt. He'd been like this in front of Taehyung several times previously, but this time felt different. Kook felt the heated stare laying heavy on his body.

The elder practically foamed at the mouth, entranced from the way Jungkook desperately clenched around nothingness. He imagined it were his raw cock that was getting squeezed in between his boyfriend’s sloppy walls, silently begging him to never leave his dripping chambers. “Such a pretty ass..” Taehyung licked over his lips, both hands smoothing over each cheek. He harshly squeezed the skin, watching it jut out from between his fingers. “And an even prettier little hole.” Without a heads up, Tae leaned down to slowly swipe his flattened tongue over the crack running along Jungkook’s back, initiating a bit of extra pressure on the latter’s puckered entrance. He paused to watch the way his boyfriend’s body quivered, only to do it again, and again. Taehyung parted Kook’s rosy cheeks even further, leaning back in to place kitten licks over the younger’s hole. The elder’s eyes remained closed, and a hue of red washed over his cheeks. He would’ve never thought he’d be eating out someone’s ass, but here he was.. Enjoying every fucking second of it. “So sweet.” Taehyung lowly mumbled against Jungkook’s sensitive spot, opening his eyes to stick his middle finger inside, continuing to press open mouthed kisses around the rim.

Kook whined out his boyfriend's name in quiet whimpers, pressing his cheek against the soft duvet. His breathing gradually grew heavier with every ounce of attention he was given, the warmth of the elders wet tongue a new sensation itself. "Oh..fuck..." his whines grew along with his heavy breaths, bordering on moans at this point when he felt Taehyung's long finger spread his tight hole open. He tried his best to relax his muscles, but everytime another praise was thrown his way he felt his body reacting on it's own. He couldn't control the instinctual response of his body trying to move closer to feel Taehyung's finger deeper, his neediness presenting itself in the way his skin was burning, precum dribbling down onto the sheets below him. And not to mention the pathetic sounds emitting from his throat. "More, please..."

“More?” Taehyung’s slick finger moved inside of him, but not as fast as Jungkook wanted. The elder wanted to be a tease, only thrusting the single digit in and out of his boyfriend at the speed he deemed acceptable. “Shit, you’re squeezing so fucking hard.” Tae’s free hand slowly slid up the prominent line cutting through the middle of Jungkook’s back, stopping at the latter’s raven hair to give it a harsh tug. His boyfriend’s curls were long enough where he could twirl his fingers within the strands, as if they became one. “So fucking warm ‘n tight..” Taehyung’s teeth harshly tugged at his bottom lip, feeling the room’s cool air clash against his dampened finger the second he unplugged it out of Jungkook, no longer embraced by the younger’s soft tunnels. With his lower body still fully clothed, Tae pressed the growing bulge prodding at his fabrics against Kook’s wet entrance. The other hand grasped onto the younger’s hip, feeling the accumulating sweat gradually build up on Jungkook’s skin whilst he held him in place. “Think you owe me a better apology, baby.” Tae began grinding his hips into his boyfriend. “Fuck.. I’m still angry.” Vividly picturing that he had his cock tucked deep inside of him, Taehyung’s pelvis roughly slammed against Kook’s ass. “Apologize.” Another thrust, and another, another.. “If I like it then maybe I’ll let you take off my clothes, pretty thing. You wanna be stuffed with my fat dick, don’t you?”

Jungkook turned his neck to get a glimpse of his boyfriend with his own large, needy eyes. "I'm s-sorr-ah!" His whiny voice was interrupted by a particularly hard thrust, his chest falling down on the sheets as he lost balance to keep himself up. His cheek rubbed against the soft fabrics, eyes welling up with tears due to the aching between his legs mixed with the constant tease against his hips, wishing it was Taehyung's cock spreading his ass open instead. "Please, Taehyung!" He put an effort into speaking this time, taking a shaky breath with the occasional gasp. "please, I'm sorry-- I don't want anybody else, all I could think of was how she wasn't you... please, please..." the sheet below the younger was stained with his precum, and the fat tears that slowly trickled down from his cheeks. "I need you, please, only you..."

“Damn right.” Taehyung’s fingers tugged harder at his boyfriend’s mess of hair, raspy moans of his own audible to the stuffed ears as he pressed himself harder against Jungkook’s mishandled opening, swiveling his hips mercilessly. He never would’ve thought seeing tears in Kook’s doe eyes would arouse him in any scenario, but here he was, hornier than ever knowing he was the reason for the younger’s crystal beads of water trickling down his face. The front of his bulge had a minor wet spot, and Tae could feel the dampness with every dry thrust against his boyfriend. He couldn’t take it anymore. “You got lucky,” He leaned down to whisper into his ear, “now, get up and undress me.”

Jungkook had to take a second to collect himself, using his strong but wobbly arms to push himself up to his knees and turn around to face his still fully clothed boyfriend. It felt quite weird in contrast, as he himself was fully naked, skin glistening with sweat and precum. Not to mention the tears still rolling down his damp cheeks. They weren't sad tears though.. just, needy, overwhelming emotions of want for his Taehyung. He reached out with both hands to tug the hem of the elders shirt, swiftly pulling it over his head to finally reveal his torso. Kook felt his mouth salivating already, his own greediness growing even further as he wasted no time in equalizing their amount of clothes, unbuttoning Tae's pants so quickly he almost ripped it with his strength. Finally, he peeled his pants down along with his underwear, doe eyes watching in admiration as his turgid cock springs up to taunt Jungkook. God, did he want a taste... Kooks eyes flickered up to meet Tae's, the whiny pitch in his voice something only this man got to hear from the younger. " Fuck my mouth, please... want you to. I'll take it all."

A deep, taunting chuckle emitted from the pit of Taehyung’s throat, one hand reaching outwards to cup the side of Jungkook’s tear-streaked face. “Good boy for saying please.” Tae stared down into his glassy eyes, the bulging head of his cock doing the same. “Of course you’ll take it all.” His thumb brushed away the string of salty water cascading down his rosy, glowing cheek. “Open up.” And just like that, he withdrew his gentle touch. There was a lesson to be taught. “A-ah.. fuck yeah..” The second the tip popped in past his boyfriend’s plush lips, Taehyung threw his head back with a moan. “Good boy.” His fingers held on to a handful of Jungkook’s hair yet again, this time he had a motive. Slowly, Tae thrusted into the boy’s warm mouth, wanting to start off easy. “So fucking good for me..”

Jungkook's jaw went slack to allow Taehyung's thick length to push into his warm mouth, drool already trickling down the corners of his lips. As he took it deeper, the restricted air flow forced him to focus on breathing through his nose, a faint groan vibrating in his chest at the tangy taste of Tae's precum coating his tongue. Kook put his palms flat on the bed, on all fours. It made him feel dirty, his body reacting so easily to every praise and harsh tug in his long locks, eyebrows gradually drawn together as he focuses on doing well to please his boyfriend.

The sinful sight from beneath him was the boost Taehyung needed to fuck harder into his boyfriend’s mouth, feeling Jungkook’s nose repeatedly prod his pelvis with every sloppy, squelching thrust. “Such a fuckin’ tight little mouth..” His long fingers curled tighter around the younger’s hair, harshly yanking him forward time and time again to meet his fast-moving hips, “My tight little mouth, ah fuck..” He could feel it. If he continued for a second longer, he’d burst his warm seed into his boyfriend’s mouth. The elder didn’t want that, the only place he wanted to spill himself into was Jungkook’s ass— at least for now.. “You did good, baby boy.” Ignoring the faint whines, Taehyung pulled out his soaked cock. Slobber ran down his rough length, as it did Kook’s chin. He found it adorable. Tae smirked down at his boyfriend. “Bet you’ll like this.” With one hand on his wet dick, he carefully smacked his length against the skin of Jungkook’s face, gently slapping it across his cheeks, nose, and chin. “You like that, huh. Your boyfriend’s fat cock all over your face..”

Kook flinched at the initial smack against his cheek, the wetness creating several strings of saliva and precum sticking to the skin of his face. He looked up at his boyfriend with a gaze filled with nothing but submission, like an innocent puppy obediently taking whatever he's given. And the truth is, he did love it. The slight degradation to it had his own cock aching as it remained untouched. ''I don't like it... I love it.'' He countered with a slight brattiness to his tone, but not too much as to where it would seem like he's putting up an attitude. He licked his plushy lips clean off of the juices staining them, eyes following Tae's rigid cock as it painted his skin in a layer of their juices, until his eyes fell back to meet Taehyung's. The teasing was riling the younger up so much that it made him impatient and whiny. If continued for too long, he might pick up an attitude after all. ''Please... more...'' He carefully asked, eyes still not averting Tae's, staring up at him with his doe eyes that were swirling with need and admiration. He wanted so much more, he'd missed feeling the very cock that was taunting him, he just wanted to have it shoved deep inside of him right now.

Truth was, Taehyung had been stripping himself of his own desires. He too wanted to stuff his cock inside of his boyfriend, fill him up to the brim with every droplet of his cum that shot out of him. It was harder than he’d thought, as if Tae was punishing himself in the midst of it. The stare of desperation Jungkook was giving him.. it drew him in like no other. It was as if Taehyung could see his own wants through the younger’s brown irises. He had to be inside of him, Jungkook wanted it just as much. “Get up.” He bossed the younger around, pumping himself a few times before stepping into Kook’s lewd bubble. With both hands placed on his boyfriend’s waist, Tae led them both to the wall. “Hope you love this just as much.” He swiftly leaned in to catch Jungkook’s glistening lips with his own, muffling his boyfriend’s squeaky moans. The moment Taehyung pulled away panting, he reached for the younger’s legs, picking him up without much effort. He made sure they were tightly secured around his flexed torso, adjusting Kook’s body with both hands on his bare ass. “Ah fucking hell..” Taehyung pushed his cock was all the way in, keeping still to get used to the familiar tightness. He pressed Jungkook’s back against the same wall, hiding his red face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck as he slowly began to move. “The tightest I swear to fucking god.. you’re squeezing around my cock so well.”

Jungkook's muffled moans became clear as day the very moment the kiss was broken, a loud, raspy groan in pleasure and pain striking the room. "Fuck, it's big.. so big, ah.." he whines, the way Taehyungs girth stretched his ass was a mix of pain and bliss that rushed through his entire body when his boyfriend moved inside of him. Kook hooked his arms around Tae's neck, locking himself onto him as if he never wanted to let go. If he could stay this way forever he would. "Feels good... feels so fucking good.." the youngers mind quickly turned into a haze, vision blurred with his lust as he threw his head back against the wall. His eyes fluttered shut, mouth hanging open in breathy gasps for air. It was insane to him how weak he was for every single touch, praise, and even punishments that he was given.

“My cock’s big, hm?” Taehyung withdrew from his hiding spot on his boyfriend’s sweaty neck, relishing in the mix of whines and grunts that slipped past Jungkook’s agape lips. “Baby, ‘m gonna make you feel even better.” The elder pulled out all the way, giving himself a moment to catch his breath— to center himself, and then slammed his hips forward as hard as he could. “A-ahh..” He dragged out, loving the way Jungkook’s body shivered, how his ass tensed up in the palms of his hands. Tae’s whole body was slick with sweat, and the slide of his dick was fast and easy. Almost too easy. “I fucking love you..” He slammed deep inside of him a second time, close enough to taste the salty, dripping sweat on Jungkook’s neck. “Love fucking you.” Another harsh slap of his pelvis, the sound echoing throughout the room. “Fuck.. love—” The words couldn’t seem to come out, not with the way his boyfriend’s insides were pulling him in. Taehyung wouldn’t stop there, however. “Love kissing you so much.” He snapped into him, the mushroom tip rubbing against Jungkook’s prostate. “Love being your— f-fuck.. I love being your best friend and your boyfriend in one— ah..” Being so deep inside of the man he loved, it played with Tae’s emotions. He loved this man, and he wanted to remind him of that whilst he made love to him.

Jungkook's moans echoed in the apartment, louder with each thrust that perfectly rammed just the right spot inside of him to build up the heat that pooled in his lower stomach. ''G-god...yes-- fuck, I love you-uu!'' He cried out, unaware of the tears that had started to trickle down the corners of his eyes, still keeping them tightly shut. Kook held onto his boyfriend, digging his blunt nails into his shoulders. ''Taehyu-ung...'' Jungkook breathed out his lover's name in between whines that were grew more high pitched-- indicating that he was getting closer and closer to his own end. ''I'm gonna cum if you keep going, please, please don't stop... Haa....Harder...'' Kook's voice lowered as he almost growled out his words almost as a demand. Just.. Feeling his cock being rubbed between their slick bodies, and his ass constantly rammed into-- on top of the emotional praise.. It was too much. Kook was practically crying, begging for more to get rid of the aching that throbbed within his entire being.

As if he was a machine wired to satisfy all of Jungkook’s needs, Taehyung pushed aside the soreness building up in his flexed arms. His rounded nails sank into the reddened skin of his boyfriend’s plump ass, holding him tighter— fucking him harder until Tae felt his knees buckle up, legs slightly quivering underneath their weight. “Cum with me baby, ‘m close too..” His brows knitted closer together, and his face scrunched up into the same ugly expression, letting his boyfriend know that he was right there with him; barely hanging on to the edge. Nevertheless, the enthusiasm in Taehyung’s thrusts never faltered. “Fuuuck..!” The sound he made laid somewhere between a grunt and a moan, whatever it was— Tae was extremely close. “S-so good baby, shit-- good boy.” He spilled out barely coherent praises until all he could mutter was a long, strained moan. Taehyung spilled his cum into his boyfriend’s warm ass, painting Jungkook’s stretched walls with the dripping liquid. He continued to lazily slam into him, fucking his cum deeper into Kook until he just.. couldn’t. The energy he once possessed was spent into pleasing the younger, and damn was it worth it.. “I love you, dumbass..” Tae mumbled onto his neck, his heavy panting fanning at the skin. “That was fucking great. Ten out of ten would hit again.” The sound of his tired chuckles echoed throughout the room, replacing the sound of their moans.

Jungkook's orgasm hit him like a punch in the gut the exact moment he felt Tae's hot spurts of cum filling him up. His own cum painted their sweaty stomachs, rubbing the liquid together as his boyfriend kept lazily moving inside of him. When the sensitivity hit him further, his body started to shake and squirm in the elders hold, his out of breath voice was shaking. "I love..lo-ove..you-u too.. ah..." his hands moved to stroke his boyfriends hair, gently running his fingers through the messy curls, "so good, ten out of ten would let hit me again..." kook countered, his voice a bit less strained as he slowly collected himself. He unhooked his legs to place his feet on the floor, attempting to stand properly. Shit, he was gonna be sore tomorrow. E ven as he stood properly, his hands remained tangled into Taehyung's hair, looking at his just as fucked out and exhausted state. "I love you.... you're not.. still mad at me right?" He tilted his head, hands moving to cup Taes face, "About noona."

Taehyung shook his head, wrapping his arms around the younger’s waist to balance him, “I don’t think I was ever mad, more so.. jealous. I mean, we weren’t together during that time so..” He leaned forward to press a kiss onto Jungkook’s nose. “I’m still a little jealous, but I’ll survive.” Once sure that his boyfriend could stand on his own, Tae stretched his aching arms over his head. “Speaking of surviving, will you?” Along with a raise of his brow, the elder’s lips morphed into a sly smirk. “I went all out, and I’m not sorry.” His hand reached back to pat Jungkook’s ass, seeing bits of him cum dribble down the latter’s thighs.

Jungkook groaned as he stretched his own body. His legs lightly quivered when he carried his full weight on his own feet, knowing he's gonna rock a limp for the next day or so. Brings back memories for sure, from their first time that left Kook a limping idiot that barely could participate in basket practice. "Okay," kook sighs in relief, "I'll survive, just... I really need that shower now.." He really did, beating up Ash and getting thoroughly fucked was more than enough to make him feel like he needed to be boiled in water at this point to feel clean. On unstable legs, he still managed to keep himself steady enough to grab his boyfriends hand and lead the two of them to his bathroom, turning on the hot water of the familiar shower. Even the small squeak as he turned the water on was comforting in a sense. It was always there, and somehow he had never thought about it until now. Trivial things that just melt into your life.

Like Taehyung. He really couldn't imagine his life if the elder didn't exist in his life. "Taehyung.." Kook murmured out in the tiled room that slowly began to fog up with the heated water, reaching out to make sure it was just the temperature he wanted before stepping in. "you should move in with me." Technically, they already did kind of life together; but not officially. The elder still had most of his stuff at his own house, and kook wanted to change that. He wanted to make sure there was nothing that tied Tae to that shithole.

When the younger tiredly called out his name, Taehyung expected another‘I love you’ or a breathless kiss. What he didn’t see coming was the proposition Jungkook had thrown at him; the latter seemed sure, like he’d made up his mind ages ago. It wasn’t something light. No, his boyfriend was offering him a place to live. Permanently.

“Are you.. are you serious?” Taehyung didn’t quite know how to act, how to feel. Did Kook take pity on him? Was this a decision they were going to regret later down the road? No one knew. Apart from the occasional negative thoughts, the clouds parted, letting in the light. Far more positive views resurfaced, covering those that previously sent a tingle of anxiety down Taehyung’s spine. The hot stream of water never bothered him, but now that he was more aware of his senses— how he truly felt, Tae took a step back. Maybe that’s what he needed in his life, a new start, to be less.. stressed, anxious. And Jungkook was his, the fresh start that he’d been longing for all along. “I-I’d love to.” A wide, breathtaking smile shone brighter than the bruises on his skin. The elder’s eyes glazed over, and to try and cover up his emotions, Taehyung threw himself into his boyfriend’s arms. “Thank you.”

Jungkook's anxiety was immediately pushed away when he felt his boyfriend in his arms, the only few words he needed to hear. Tae suddenly felt so small in his arms, the duality of this man's personality was unbelievable. He hugged Taehyung for a while, feeling his own eyes tear up at the revelation. He was gonna live together with his boyfriend. Away from the abusive father. Closer to him. A deep sigh in relief had his shoulders sinking as he placed kisses on Tae's forehead, a wide toothy grin of his own to match the brightness he was given. "I'm so happy!" Koo chirped, "you make me happy." His smile softened as he slowly begun to guide them both underneath the stream of water, letting it rinse the sweat off their clammy skin.

Proving the unthinkable, Taehyung’s boxy grin grew in size, his eyes nearly disappearing into upside down smiles of their own. His whole body was beaming, the elder was the happiest he’s ever been in days. The night Jungkook asked him out remained his happiest memory, but at the moment; as they stood under the hot shower, this was definitely a close second. Both were giant leaps into their relationship, and Tae couldn’t be any prouder. “You make me happy too, Kook.” He pulled away just enough to look into his boyfriend’s tender eyes, their sore bodies still bundled together in an embrace. “Fuck.. I just, I still can’t believe it. I’m gonna be living with you,” Taehyung laughed in disbelief. “And don’t worry! I’ll start working soon for the both of us if you want me to. I-I’ll help you with the monthly rent, the bills, everything. This is our home, after all.” A safe place away from their shitty parents, and a place where they could be their disgustingly cheesy selfs, domestic; idiots in love. What more could Tae want? “Just, promise you won’t get tired of me?”

"As if I'd get tired of this? I can barely stand the moments where you're not with me." Jungkook added to the cheesy moment as he reached for the loofah to soap it up and begin to gently run it over Tae's skin. Kook loved taking care of him, whether it be to spoil him with his love, feed him, or just... wash his skin after making love. All of it was for him, their own private moments. "Don't worry about money, you have to finish school." Jungkook mused out loud, letting the loofah scrub across Taes chest and firm abdomen, "I'll be able to work more now."

Truth is, he wasn't entirely sure what he'd do now that he no longer could be in school; but he could figure it out. If he could make it this long by himself, he could definitely make it with the motivation of keeping Taehyung safe and happy. He'd be lying to himself if he'd say that it didn't absolutely suck that he was expelled, all his hard work thrown away for nothing. He knows if his father knew, he'd definitely shoot him a shit eating smirk followed by some disgusting comment blaming Taehyung for this.

The thought alone had Kook unknowingly clenching his jaw. This wasn't going to be easy, he knew this. But since when was anything easy for him? And with Taehyung by his side; he knew he would be okay.

#fic: Love maze #sombreboy #taekook smut #taekook series #taekook fic #vkook smut #taehyung x jungkook #mxm #bts mxm #bts smut

68 notes · View notes

meganshinsou-tm · 4 years

Text

i’m still here. (a)

☙ pairing: bakugou x reader / bakugou x kirishima

☙ theme: angst

☙ cw/tw: profanity, grief/mourning, emotional distress, slight talk of wanting to die, could be seen as unhealthy grieving but there are no right or wrong ways to grieve, talk of death.

☙ a/n-request: so here it is, the spontaneous continuation of ‘i’m here’ - i just couldn’t help myself, I needed to get this out of my system. It hurts for a bit but I promise it gets better - also hope you don’t mind the end pairing, baku needs love and he deserves to be happy with that person.

It’s been four months and Bakugou is - well he’s as good as he can be.

Sometimes he likes to think that the days are getting progressively better but then he finds himself awake way past the hour of midnight, walking around the house aimlessly and searching. Searching for something that he doesn’t even know. After a few more hours of talking to himself and cleaning random things, eating a small snack, Bakugou finally finds himself in bed tossing and turning until sleep finally takes him.

Izuku and Kirishima have become his rocks and practical caretakers.

They check in on him constantly but in a way that isn’t overbearing. Both of them make sure that their friend doesn’t stay holed up inside the house for longer than needed by becoming gym buddies, dragging him out to guys’ nights with them and the squad. Bakugou goes without too much resistance. Of course he rather stay in and wait for something that’ll never come but he knows he has to keep his sanity and he knows that you would kick his ass for sulking and wallowing in grief for too long. So he goes and by the end of the night, he’s always happy that he did but he’ll never admit that to the two idiots he calls his best friends.

And more than anything, Bakugou is grateful how they have never brought up the topic of … moving on. Because they know better - everyone does.

Of course everyone agrees it’s way too soon to even consider Bakugou trying dating again but not only that, anyone who knows the guy knows that he probably never will even think about trying to find anyone else. You were it for him.

You weren’t like everyone else.

It’s cliche to say but you were indeed special - you completed Bakugou in the ways he was imperfect and flawed yet you still loved those parts of him. His edges were still rough and brash but you somehow softened them without changing truly who he was because well - you loved him for who he was and the way he was. Such a fucking sap you always were.

Bakugou doesn’t move to a new home, he doesn’t want to or need to. Your home wasn’t massive; it was the perfect size for just the two of you.

And it was only a few weeks ago that he finally found the strength to part with your belongings. It was a rough day but thankfully the whole squad was there. Kirishima may or may not have tried to bribe them with beer and food but obviously it wasn’t needed, they were gonna be there for their friend no matter what.

Starting out, Bakugou was okay while packing everything. Everyone reminisced on fond and happy memories of you. Izuku and Kirishima felt a sense of relief from seeing the blonde genuinely smiling a few times and hearing his laughter. For a moment they thought everything would go smoothly for the rest of the day but nothing ever really goes smoothly when you’re saying goodbye to what’s left of your deceased spouse.

It was when Mina and Sero started to pull out of the driveway in the U-Haul that Bakugou bolted out the door after them. Kirishima and Izuku were right behind him and barely managed to catch him before being hit by a truck.

The three of them rolled around on the black-top road, all shouting and crying.

“Let me fucking go you pieces of shit! Fuck!”

Kirishima bared his teeth, trying to fight back his own sobs from the heart wrenching sight of seeing his best friend like this.

“Kats, please calm down, don’t do this!”

Bakugou only growled and tried to blast off an explosion in his face but Kirishima knew better and hardened his skin to block it. Izuku choked on his own tears and ended up using black whip to help pin down the uncontrollable blonde, despite him and Kirishima being over 200lbs and holding him down the best they could.

“Kacchan, you could’ve just fucking died, you’re gonna hurt yourself!”

“I don’t fucking care … let me … I - I can be with her.”

Izuku and Kirishima both went rigid at those words and looked at each other with tear filled eyes before resting their weight on top of their broken friend in a pile there in the middle of the road. For the next half hour they all stayed there, crying and holding Bakugou together until he finally exhausted himself and didn’t fight about Kirishima picking him up and carrying him back inside.

“Kats I don’t care if you hate me for doing it but I’m calling a professional tomorrow. We love you … I love you man but we can only do so much for you. Please … just let us help you. We can’t lose someone else we love.”

Izuku nods in agreement and they bring Bakugou to the bedroom and tuck him into the bed like a child. He doesn’t complain or try to bite their heads off for it.

“We’re proud of you for today Kacchan, please know that. Y-You still have the important things,” Izuku sniffles as he places a worn-looking rag doll cat in Bakugou’s arms. “You’ll always have the important things.”

Kirishima tries to smile as Bakugou turns his back to them and cuddles the item close to his face. It's instinctive and totally against his control but Kirishima reaches out and combs his fingers through Bakugou’s hair and it gives him hope when he feels the blonde relax under his touch.

“Try to get some rest Blasty. We aren’t gonna leave you alone so if you need anything, we’ll be here.”

A few weeks and plenty of therapy sessions later, Bakugou is back to doing okay. He’s back to being able to stay home alone without needing Izuku or Kirishima crashing on his couch. He returns to work and some days it helps while on others it hurts.

It’ll take more time to get used to Kirishima being his new side-kick but as long as it's him, he’ll be okay.

Life slowly but surely starts to get easier … until those nights like tonight where Bakugou is wide awake at four in the morning. It’s been a while since its happened and truly Bakugou is exhausted but he just can’t sleep - he doesn’t mind though. It’s nights like these where he’s glad to still be awake with tired eyes and body because it’s nights like these where you come to him.

It may be crazy but Bakugou is adamant that you’re still there sometimes, your spirit at least. And when he's exhausted and delirious enough like he is now, you’ll become more than just memories and a presence. Soon enough you start to become real again and he can feel you holding him close and petting his hair. Feel those soft kisses on his lips and all over his face and neck. Bakugou can see those bright eyes again and feel your own warm skin against his in bed.

And even though he really is getting better at all of this, he still has his moments. He’s only human after all. A human who lost the most precious and important thing in his life so tragically. So no one can blame him for feeling the things he does and for having a down moment - hell even his therapist reassured him of that.

‘Everyone grieves in their own way and these occurrences don’t mean you’re crazy. Just as long as you see them for what they truly are and know that eventually they will end.’

It hurts to think that these will end so Bakugou cherishes them and prolongs them for as long as he fucking can. He gives into the phantom feelings, finds comfort in them. Then he starts to hear you and you talk to each other. He tells you how some days he’s okay and others he just misses you so fucking much and he doesn’t want to go on, he wants to be with you.

In those times you quiet him with kisses and hums, telling him it’s not time yet.

“The world needs you,” is whispered upon his skin and it makes him groan in disagreement.

“Fuck the what the world needs - I need you!”

You chuckle and lightly flick the tip of Bakugou’s nose and he wishes it hurt like it used to.

“You don’t need me Katsuki, if anything, I’m not what you need at all right now … at least not like this,” you speak quietly but still smile. “But you will always have me. I’m all around you.”

Bakugou pouts and you brush your thumb over his bottom lip before looking down and taking his hand in yours. Your finger traces the hard edges of the wedding band that’s now a matte black color after he found a jeweler who was able to add a small amount of your cremains into the material of it.

“You literally take me everywhere you go and even before then, I’ve never left you. Someone’s gotta watch over your crazy ass. I’m just glad Red is there to help me out.”

Bakugou smirks and moves to nuzzle the crook of your neck, his hair tickling the underside of your jaw and causing you to giggle and hold him tighter. The sound pains him and Bakugou starts to softly cry. You hold him even tighter and he holds you with a death grip.

That feeling is returning in him and he hates it. It’s overwhelming and it's cold. It’s hopelessness.

“How am I supposed to keep doing this? I don’t want to spend four more months like this … I don’t want to spend years like this … fucking - tell me how I can get you back, I need you … I fucking need you so much, I can’t - “

“Shh, baby breathe, I'm here - you know I’m always here.”

Bakugou frowns hard and buries his face into your chest to muffle the heartbreaking sob he lets out, his fists start to smoke and he shakes his head.

“But you’re not! You’re not fucking here!”

He pulls away from the pillow he’s burning now in order to breathe and scream out in agony. Bakugou continues until his vocal chords feel raw and there’s a giant hole in the wall above the headboard from him repeatedly punching it. Looking down through teary eyes, Bakugou notices his knuckles are bloody and throbbing in pain. A few minutes pass and he’s on his knees hunched over in the middle of the bed, sheet-rock is crumbled all around him on the covers and he sighs, wiping angrily at his tears.

Soon the feeling of fingers in his hair, scratching against his scalp soothingly causes Bakugou to deflate and he sinks back as you hold him close, back to your chest and your cheek pressed against the top of his hair. He clings to your arms around him. Tears roll from his irritated and red eyes, snot down his nose as he sniffles.

“I’m sorry,” you both whisper out in unison.

You press kiss after kiss against soft ash blonde hair, against ruddy warm cheeks and tear filled eyes. Bakugou suppresses his whimper, he can feel what's coming and he doesn’t like it.

“Call him … you need him right now, do this for me please,” you speak upon the side of Bakugou’s neck.

Bakugou grunts and leans over to grab his phone from the nightstand, laying down on his side in the process. You move with him and place yourself before him to hold close, letting his arms wrap tight around you. The ghosting of fingers against his cheekbone makes Bakugou look down at you with red tired eyes. He can see the choice in your own and can feel it in the way you lean in and kiss his lips so softly that it feels like air before pressing your forehead against his.

“You’ll be okay Katsuki, I know you will. Just - breathe for me; and always know that I’m right here baby,” you whisper while placing your palm to the space over his heart.

Bakugou’s bottom lip trembles and he nods. He shifts to press his face into your hair, inhaling the scent of strawberries and cream that's ingrained in his senses as his eyes squeeze shut before kissing the top of your head and letting out a long breath.

“I’ll be okay.”

When his eyes open, Bakugou swallows the lump in his throat and eases the death grip he has on the charred pillow. He sighs and swipes a finger across the screen of his phone and moves to lay on his back, pressing the device to his ear.

It rings only a few times before a raspy voice is answering with concern.

“Kats, what’s wrong?”

Bakugou looks up from his newspaper and cup of coffee when the door to the backyard opens. He smirks and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and watches as Kirishima and Ghost both come barreling in. The giant mastiff is slobbering and panting, so is Kirishima, except the slobbering part - well sort of.

“Whew - oh hey sleeping beauty,” Kirishima gleams and takes a step towards where Bakugou is seated at the kitchen counter, lips puckered and arms open wide.

He’s stopped by a finger to the mouth, halting him from going any further.

“Don’t even think about it, you’re disgusting!

Kirishima gives those stupid puppy eyes that everyone, even himself, were always weak to and a whimper coming from below makes Bakugou look down to see Ghost also giving her own literal puppy eyes.

“You’re both pathetic, there’s no way I’m - oof!”

Bakugou is tackled off his seat and onto the ground by Kirishima, knocking his glasses off in the process. Ghost joins in and smothers him in an abnormal amount of slobber as she licks his face excitedly and Kirishima kisses his cheeks - which, gross, he doesn’t even care that he’s kissing where there is drool. But Bakugou can’t help cackling and grinning as he tries to shove them off.

“Both of you fucking stink, get offa me! You need baths!”

Kirishima smirks and pulls away enough for Bakugou to wipe his face.

“I’ll make you a deal Blasty, I shower then give this pretty lady a bath - if you make us breakfast!

Kirishima firmly pats and pets the giant dog, looking at his boyfriend with a playful light in his red eyes.

Bakugou sighs, “If it’ll get you gross animals off then fine!”

Smiling victoriously, Kirishima sits back on his knees and helps with pulling the dog away. She quickly forgets about them and trots off to her toys in the living room. Kirishima offers his hand, Bakugou takes it and together they stand from the floor.

Bakugou rolls his eyes but smirks and playfully pushes at Kirishima’s shoulder. His wrist is caught and Kirishima pulls him in for a hug. It’s sticky and sweaty but a smile forms on his face and Bakugou accepts it without question, along with the gentle kiss to his temple.

“Slept okay?”

Kirishima asks, running his fingers through Bakugou’s hair when they pull away from their hug. Bakugou leans into the touch and nods.

“As good as I could with two giants hogging the bed and snoring loud enough to shake the fucking walls.”

Kirishima chuckles and takes Bakugou’s hand, letting his thumb brush over the black band that still remains on his finger, he smiles fondly at it.

“I’ll take that as a ‘I slept great babe!’”

Bakugou snorted and patted Kirishima’s chest, leaning in to kiss his sweaty cheek before lightly pushing him away and wiping the salty taste from his mouth.

“If you want breakfast, you better get your rank ass in the shower and hold up your end of the bargain.”

“Aye, aye captain!” Kirishima salutes with a massive smile and turns to jog out and towards the bedroom.

Shaking his head with a smile, Bakugou picks up the mess of his forgotten newspaper on the counter. He skims over the front page and smiles at the picture taken of him and Kirishima. Their backs face the camera, Kirishima’s arm around Bakugou as they look upon the cherry blossom tree that was planted in your memory at one of your favorite parks. It had bloomed just in time for the one year anniversary of your passing and there were numerous gifts left around the trunk of it from fans and friends.

Bakugou runs a finger over your printed name on the paper and for the first time since that one night, he feels you pressed against him, hugging him close from behind and pressing your cheek to his back. Smiling, Bakugou rubs at your hands over his stomach and he looks up when he hears Kirishima walking back into the kitchen with a question that he doesn’t hear.

The redhead looks him over confused at first and Bakugou just gives him the softest and fondest smile, still rubbing over the space of his stomach and Kirishima’s eyes widen. He crosses his arms and leans against the fridge, smiling at Bakugou while he states softly.

“She’s here.”

195 notes · View notes

not-close-to-straight · 4 years

Text

Blinded Me With Science (Spideypool)

THERE’S MORE SPIDEYPOOL ON MY MASTERLIST

*************

"Peter Pumpkin Pie." Wade climbed through Peter’s living room window and landed on the floor with a move halfway between a tuck and roll, and a full on literal face plant. "What's up?"

"What's up?" Peter frowned over at the mercenary. "What’s up with you? How's your face after that landing?";

"That landing would have scored me a perfect ten in the Olympics." Wade scoffed and tossed his mask away to smooch a kiss onto his favorite web crawlers lips. "And then a trip to the emergency room to fix my fucking nose. Good thing I’m a bad ass who kicks Death’s but daily and heals even from impromptu face plants, huh?”

"Oh my god." Peter’s sigh was over loud, but he put his book away long enough to motion Wade back for a better kiss, lingering over his boyfriend’s mouth until Wade made a strangled sort of noise. “What’s with the noise, babe?”

“Oh.” Wade cleared his throat. “That is my ‘holy shit I’m gonna explode if this kiss don’t get sexy right now’ noise. Do you like it?”

"About as much as I like listening to the alley cats screaming outside.” Peter smacked Wade’s hand away when it wandered towards his pants. “Cut that out, I don't have time for sexiness right now. I’m studying, and you know the rules. First books, then booty.”

"Fine." Wade gave up surprisingly quickly, even going so far as to lounge out next to Peter on the couch and pull his phone out to order some dinner. "So what are you studying? Physics, right? Something about black holes and loops and... yarn?”

"Its um, string theory. Not quite... yarn.” Peter squinted at Wade suspiciously. "How do you know that? And why are you just ordering dinner instead of humping my leg? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?”

"You sound disappointed about the lack of humping." Wade waggled his non existent eyebrows. "We can change the narrative of the evening if you’re gonna insist on that sort of behavior.”

Peter snorted and Wade shrugged. "Eh. Worth a shot. And whad'ya mean, how do I know? Why wouldn't I know what you're studying?"

"Because you don't shut up long enough for me to get a word in?" Peter counted off on his fingers. "Because every time I break open a text book you fall the hell asleep? Because the last time I tried explaining string theory to you, you basically--"

"Okay I get it!" Wade waved off the rest of Peter's list. "I'm terrible about paying attention to your school stuff. BUT I know it's important to you and I listened when you told me about your upcoming exam on loopy yarn shit. Easy peasy."

"String theory, babe."

"Right. What did I say?"

Peter finally cracked a smile and went back to his book. "I appreciate you paying enough attention to know when I have exams."

"I love you, Pete." Wade jostled his shoulder gently. "Of course I pay attention to stuff like that."

"I um--" Peter hesitated, his smile shy. "I love you too."

"I know you do, sugar snack." It didn't bother Wade one bit that Peter had a little bit harder time saying 'I love you'. They were no where near a traditional couple and their lives were far from easy. Serious words like 'I love you' were hard to say. Screaming that the other one was too reckless or doing marathon sex events or trusting each other enough to just pass out in each others arms-- those were easier.

I trust you and I never want to not be tapping dat ass and I'll lose my shit if you're ever that reckless again sounded exactly like ‘I love you’ to Wade and Peter, no other words needed.

It was still nice to hear every once in a while though, so Wade made sure to say it at least every few days and Peter always blushed when he said it back... it was fucking adorable and literal perfection.

"Can I quiz you on something while we’re waiting for dinner?" Wade dragged himself from more sappy thoughts and held his hand out for one of Peter’s textbooks. "Or do you want to read your paper out loud so I can hear any mistakes? Would that help?"

"Holy shit, it really would." Peter's dark eyes lit up with surprise and relief. "You'd do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you." Wade said and Peter waited a beat, obviously assuming Wade had some ridiculous and probably dick themed 'except' coming along, but Wade shook his head. "I'd do anything for you, Pete."

"...I do love you." Peter's smile was just as shy, his cheeks an unhealthy shade of red and fuck Wade loved him so much he couldn't even stand it. "Thank you."

"Totally fine." Wade waved off Peter's thanks. "Your weird science boner is why I fell for you in the first place--"

"--oh that's not true--"

"--okay it was your ass, but the weird science boner was a close second!" Wade defended and Peter burst out laughing. "No, I'm serious Pete! The very first thing you opened up to me about was what you were studying in school. Science. Then you blabbed on about spooky space shit and quantum things and you were all excited about it and it's uh--"

Now Wade was the one to hesitate. "Well. Um, you ever heard that old song 'she blinded me with science'?" he hummed a few of the bars and Peter covered his mouth to hide a grin. "That's how I felt. Blinded, washed away, shocked half to hell by how cute you were. Blinded by your science. Except you weren't failing me in biology cos my god does your butt do things to my heart rate. But the science thing-- that's the first part of you I knew, so I love it."

"Thank you." This time Peter's kiss was sweet and slow and tender. "I'm glad my science boner didn't scare you off."

"It was a little scary but once I stayed around for the sexy boner it was fine." Wade said seriously and Peter laughed all over again. "Alright science boy, read me your paper and then we'll eat some food and then I'm putting that adorable ass to bed because you need sleep before your exam tomorrow."

"Okay." Peter reached and squeezed Wade's hand. "So my paper is about string theory and whether or not it allows for the presence of dark energy--"

Wade dropped his head back and promptly started snoring.

"Oh my god, I hate you.”

*******************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE FIC!

*******************

@ships-galore @ceealaina @izziebladez @cwar1864 @hausoffro @lookuplaughing @tonystarkisanangel @multishippinglife @girlnic @iam93percentstardust @water-colouredmemories @paranormalmoonlight5 @igotloki @moosette05 @wayward-student-philosopher @kaz-brekkers-gloves @atomicfandombomb @desitonystark @1fuckingshitup69 @agentlokii

#ncts fics #spideypool #peter parker #wade wilson #sundays with spideypool

182 notes · View notes

bambisfuneral · 4 years

Text

Warnings: Mentions of suicide

Ｅｎｔｅｒｐａｓｓｗｏｒｄ：＊＊＊＊＊

Loading…

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

ＷｅｌｃｏｍｅＧｕｅｓｔＵｓｅｒ

——————————————————————————

Sunlight soon covered your half sleeping form, it made you throw your arm over your face to shield you eyes from the light. After what felt like ten minutes which was only ten seconds, you slowly sat up and stared at the bulletin board that hung above your desk. Instead of there being only two pictures, there were now four. The first one was a candid picture of you writing in her notebook, the second one was of Tendou with a wide smile holding up a peace sign and you in the background pouting at him.

“So you know how I said I used to be in your same position? I used to be a patient too, and in this psych ward. I just kinda..... I didn’t have anybody else admit me here I signed myself up, but with the way people treated me and how they talked to me, it sorta felt like they were the ones that made me sign up. It was like everything I did and said was wrong. Y’know I played volleyball when I was in school? That was where my heart was at, but people took it so serious. Like what’s the point in playing if you can’t have fun doing it?” I listened intently to everything he said nodding in agreement, it did suck being treated like you were beneath any and everybody so I knew how Tendou felt.

“That was my paradise, but my last year of high school, my team lost nationals and after that, volleyball for me was no more. Actually, all those guys you seen in the staff room? We were all on the same team, he wasn’t here but this guy Ushijima, I think he was my first true friend. He was never scared of me! To him, I was just another guy. Can you believe that? I was actually normal to somebody for once, I was never a monster. But I didn’t know that growing up, I was so used to people calling me a monster that I eventually became one........”

Tendou had stopped talking and I looked up from the food he gave me to look at him, he was looking up at the stars and he had a longing look on his face. Eventually a small smile replaced that, “I was lucky though, I healed eventually. Not everybody gets the chance to do that, so I wanted to do better and be better. So I went to college to be certified to be a doctor here, it feels nice being able to connect with people in this field. And then it feels even better knowing you played a part in making other people feel like they’re something, even if it’s just for a second”. He had looked over at me and his smile grew, “oh by the way, that’s Semi’s left overs so you might wanna thank him for that the next time you see him”.

The memory swallowed your mind and it was like you was glued to her bed as your eyes stuck to the picture of the red-haired doctor, he was an odd one. But he kept you company and was definitely a lot more accommodating than most doctors. Maybe you should just relax today. You rolled your eyes crossing your arms stubbornly. I’m being serious Y/N, you beat yourself up a lot for things that aren’t your fault. You don’t want Satori to come back tomorrow figuring out that you’re putting yourself in an unfixable predicament. “Kenma it’s fine! I told you that I got it under control, I’ve been feeling okay” Yeah Tendou’s right, you are full of shit. You watched Kenma hop up on your desk swinging his legs, “Oh I didn’t realize I was here to get tag teamed by you two” and you’re right, you’re not. You’re here to get better, but you can’t do that if you’re making yourself feel like crap all the time. I’m telling you, being around Satori’s gonna be a good change for you. You bit your lip and changed into a fresh set of clothes tossing your dirty ones in a corner.

“Hey doll, I know you’re not gonna like this very much, but I’m not gonna be here tomorrow. I got the day off and I got things I need to do, but I’ll drop you off some lunch and dinner so you don’t gotta eat the crap that they serve in the cafeteria. So.... what do you like?”

“So what am I supposed to do when he’s gone?” You muttered to yourself frowning. Ummm maybe socialize? Go eat breakfast? Maybe go talk to one of Satori’s co-workers? Kenma was talking to you like you were slow and it frustrated you but knowing he was just looking out for you, you decided to let it go. “Okay well I guess we can find that one guy I’ll Dr. Tendou was talking to in the staff room last night, it’d be easier if I could just ask around but I don’t know his-” Dr. Semi Eita, you’re welcome.

“Okay so it’s your turn to share now, and IIIII knooow you want to ask me stuff. I can see it on your face” Tendou’s eyes to match his sly smirk and he poked my cheek repeatedly before I slapped his hand away, “I mean.... you said you weren’t mad but I’ve never seen you lash out like that and it didn’t happen until after you and that guy talked”. I watched as his smirk dropped and his eyes darkened, “Doll you’ve never seen me lash out, not even in the least. So listen to me when I say I wasn’t mad. Now what else’s on your mind?” My lips pursed to the side as I looked away from him and clenched my fists together on my lap, his hands covered mine and he slowly opened my fists. I could tell by his gaze that he was still waiting for me to answer his question.

You walked up to the marbled counter with a glass wall surrounded it, behind the glass was an older bigger woman with brown hair which was starting to grey. Her fingers cracked against the keyboards for what seemed like a good five minutes before she stopped and looked up at you coldly. The woman was looking at her over her glass before pushing the frames to the bridge of her nose, “can I help you?”. You looked over at Kenma nervously and he was leaning against the wall with a thumbs up, you just huffed and turned back to the lady behind the counter. “Yes um.....” Y/N...... I swear, you spent eight minutes in your room just trying to figure out what you had to say and you spent an extra ten minutes reciting what you were planning on saying. Stop overthinking it and get it over with. This made her eyes widen and fists clench tightly, “I was wondering if I could see Dr. Semi? I’m assigned to Dr. Tendou but he’s not here today and he said if I needed to talk to somebody then to ask one of his doctor friends”

There was a moment of silence with the lady staring at her with amusement dancing in her eyes. A few seconds passed by before she pressed one of the buttons on a metal board off to the side, “Dr. Semi? Yes you have a patient here to talk to you, so if you would just come around to the front to come get her that’d be great. She said she’s one of Dr. Tendou’s patients”

“I was wondering if tonight could be our first official solo therapy? And maybe whenever we have them, we can have them up here?” I asked meekly only to be met with silence and then a thundering laugh, “That’s all? Yeah I doubt that was the only thing that’s been going through your brain these passed thirty minutes”. My lips curled downward while I shook my head, “Obviously not but I can’t just sit here and dump all my thoughts on you all at once!” A small smile was given to me which seem like a sign of appreciation, “Okay well we can start with that solo therapy then, how’s every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday at eight sound?”

The man from last night came around the wall next to the counter and gave you a warm smile. “Dr. Semi?” He just nodded and reached his hand out for you to grab, “You can just call me Semi, it’s fine. Let’s go into my office” you followed behind him and you looked back to see Kenma grinning to himself. He gave you a reassuring smile before turning to leave, you wanted to call out after him but you felt eyes boring into the side of your head. When you turned back to face Tendou’s co-worker, he was looking at you with a patient look but sort of threw his head motioning to go walk inside his office, so into his office you went. As soon as you walked in he patted the other end of the sleek burgundy couch he was sitting on, “so, is everything okay? Tendou told you he was off today right?”

You just nodded your head making yourself comfortable on the cold material you were sitting on, “Yeah I just wanted to know if he’s gonna be back tomorrow, and I was kinda wondering if I could have a solo therapy session with you? And maybe you could record it so you can show it to Dr. Tendou?” Semi smiled softly at you nodding. “Yeah, of course! I’m assuming that things are going smoothly with you and him because of what you just asked of me? And thank you for feeling comfortable enough to talk with me” This made you mirror the smile on his face as you dropped your hands in your lap, “Yeah! I was pretty indifferent at first, but Kenma convinced me that this would be good for me. And yeah, I figured that if Satori knew you in high school and you were still friends that you couldn’t be all that bad. Especially with how he is....... but I have a question”

Demi’s eyebrows quirked up at the use of Tendou’s first name, he barely allows anybody to use his first name so it took him by surprise, his predicament must’ve been more serious than he let on. He stayed quiet but gestured for you to continue with your question, “Last night when you and him were talking, why did he ended up so...... not mad but....” you didn’t even know what to say to described how he was and how it felt being near him during that ride up to the roof but it seemed like Semi understood what you meant because he chuckled knowingly.

“Yeah see, it’s not really my place to tell you this, but I’m sure Tendou’s already told you about him being a passed patient here. He gets a certain attachment to people easily and he used to be very co-dependent to the individuals he was attached to, it was very unhealthy what he was going through. He’s actually still bettering himself about it. So he was just telling me some things and I was trying to understand the situation and tell him that things aren’t always what they seem, then he just..... sort of became frustrated. It’s hard to explain but I hope you understand, maybe tomorrow you can talk to him about it. Now about that session, let’s begin?” You nodded and on cue he hit the recording button on his voice recorder, “So Miss Y/N, why are you here?”

“So doll, are you gonna tell me why you’re here? Did you sign yourself up orrr....” Tendou didn’t finish the last part to his sentence but I understood where he was going with it, “um..... okay so I was actually signed up by my parents, back in my first year of high school. The doctors at the ward I was assigned to said nothing was wrong with me, but then my parents told them about my habits, how I acted, what I did, all that fun stuff, and so the doctors deemed me to have a type two bipolar disorder, schizophrenic, aaaand a compulsive liar”. I seen Tendou grinned to myself and my brow raised in confusion, “Yeah I seen the compulsive liar part in your files and I started questioning that, cause you haven’t been showing any signs of being a liar”

I huffed and rolled my eyes in irritation, “it’s because I’m not! My parents were so hellbent on trying to convince them that I was suicidal, but I’m not and I never was! I just know my life’s gonna be cut short eventually. But it’s life, it happens to everybody eventually so I was never phased by it and they just deemed it as me being suicidal...... okay so I lied, I was suicidal but that wasn’t until after they prescribed me Zoloft because of my bipolar disorder. After they started making me take Zoloft I was in a very dark place. I wouldn’t take showers for days, I never wanted to get up, I woke up everyday not seeing the purpose in life so I never wanted to do anything....... I was at the lowest of the low and I didn’t know what to do.”

I looked over at Tendou trying to read his face but he just smiled at me almost innocently which gave me the confidence to keep talking, “okay so this went on until I graduated high school. They had me taking online courses which didn’t go too well. But guess what? It turns out that the doctors at that specific ward were giving all the patients that were showing even a minor sign of being upset Zoloft because they knew that the patient would eventually commit suicide. So the ward shut down” the disgusted look on Tendou’s face matched mine and he frowned deeply. “It took..... three years for them to get that piece of shit ward to get shut down? That’s beyond me” I just exhaled a breath and pursed my lips, “Yeah I know, but they just ended up transferring me to a different ward but I was legally an adult so they gave me a choice and well..... I have a friend, he’s actually in this ward also! He actually convinced me to stay, but not for him. It was for my own benefit, me and him have been friends since elementary school!”

Tendou had a look of shock and confusion on his face, “oh..... really? What’s his name?” I nodded my head happily and smiled widely. “Kozume Kenma!”

Ａｒｅｙｏｕｓｕｒｅｙｏｕｗｏｕｌｄ

ｌｉｋｅｔｏｓｉｇｎｏｕｔ？

𝚈𝚎𝚜 < 𝙽𝚘

██████████████]99%

Ｃｌｏｓｉｎｇａｌｌｔａｂｓ

Ｅｎｔｅｒｐａｓｓｗｏｒｄ：＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

Loading…

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

ＷｅｌｃｏｍｅＤｒ．Ｔｅｎｄｏｕ

——————————————————————————

Tendou had just walked you back to your room and he was headed back to the staff room with long and fast steps, when he reached the door it swung open due to the force of him pushing against it. It slammed against the wall behind it and his friends were once again still sitting down at the table bewildered, “Tendou? What’s wrong?” He shook his head conflicted before pointing at his silver haired co-worker. “Come with me”

He led him into his office and walked up to his computer without closing the door behind him or sitting on his chair, he just pushed it out of the way. His fingers slammed against the keys rapidly, “What’s wrong now Tendou?” Semi came up behind him with a puzzled expression. Tendou just stayed quiet and kept typing on his computer, “Okay so look, Y/N said that she has a friend at this ward right? But if you look in our files, there are no results for a Kozume Kenma” Tendou mocked Y/N’s voice when he said his name, “She also mentioned that he was roomed with her. Buuuuuut if you got to the files of the first ward she was at, their files say a guy named Terashima was roomed with her”

Semi sucked a breath in before thinking silently, “We could make a call to the second ward she was transferred to and ask the big guys that work there about her” Tendou nodded deep in thought. “Yeah.... yeah that could work” it was silent as the phone line rang, Tendou tapped his fingers against his desk timidly and Semi was sitting down on the previously unoccupied rolly chair. The phone rang a few more times before a deep voice answered, and Tendou made eye contact with Semi. “Yeah this is Doctor Tendou Satori at the Shiratorizawa Psych Ward, who am I talking to?......Alright Mr. Kuroo, well I’m assigned to this woman, L/N F/N, that was recently transferred from you guys. She told me about a Kozume Kenma but there are no results of one in your files?”, Tendou hit the speaker button and the voice on the other line inhaled deeply before letting out a long sigh.

“Yeah..... there was no Kozume Kenma in our ward. But the three of us were friends growing up, Kenma actually committed suicide when we were in secondary school. That was when Y/N started showing major signs of depression and schizophrenia, she started seeing and hearing Kenma everywhere she went but when she transferred to our ward, I made sure that I was the one assigned to look after her. It seemed like she was getting better but I could tell being around me was holding her back from fully healing, so I transferred her again.” It was like Tendou and Semi were having a staring contest the entire time, Tendou’s lips were parted with a loss of words.

“Oh..... alright thank you for this new information, well have a good rest of your ni-” He was cut off by Kuroo, “Hey listen.... Tendou was it? How’s she doing? How is Y/N?” Tendou sucked air through his teeth feeling lost. “I thought it was going pretty good, but with what you just told me? It’s like I’m back at square one with her” The line was silent before a knock was heard on the other side, “Okay look, I gotta go but I’ll email you my personal number alright? We can talk more about it if you want, and maybe.... you can keep me updated on her?” He just nodded like the man was right in front of him to see.

“Sure thing, alright I’ll let you go. Have a good one” The phone clicked and Tendou sighed letting his head drop, “Semi?....... I gotta do it” he turned his head to the side to meet eyes with his friend and Semi just sighed crossing his arms. “Only if you genuinely feel like it’ll better her wellbeing”

Ａｒｅｙｏｕｓｕｒｅｙｏｕｗｏｕｌｄ

ｌｉｋｅｔｏｓｉｇｎｏｕｔ？

𝚈𝚎𝚜 < 𝙽𝚘

██████████████]99%

Ｃｌｏｓｉｎｇａｌｌｏｐｅｎｅｄｆｉｌｅｓ

ＧＯＯＤＢＹＥ

——————————————————————————

Masterlist | Previous | Current | Next

Send a reply, ask, message to be added to the taglist🌏

Taglist: @amazing-purple-sapphire @akaashichigo @leleisapenguinn @snackgod @sunglight-dove @kenmaismybaby @neologyro @svtbitch @crownedcupcake17

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq!!#haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu au #tendou satori x reader #haikyuu tendou satori #doctor tendou #asylum au #psych ward au #kenma kozume #haikyuu semi #hq semi #haikyuu kenma #hq kenma

60 notes · View notes

2badshewonteatacookie · 5 years

Text

HOW TO STOP BINGING

Hey guys,

I see a lot of people who are struggling with binge eating in this Community. And I don't mean the "oh I ate over 1000 calories" binging, I mean the 3.000 -over 10.000 calories binging.

My Story : I always had a fast metabolism and was always the skinny girl who would eat a lot. Then I discoverd the pro-ana community and I thought I could become even skinnier, so I started restricting, but I always stayed over 1000 calories. I lost a lot of weight people where concerned and always commenting on how skinny and unhealthy I looked blablabla, I loved it. But then I would have these cravings and I would eat a lot, so I got back to my starting weight, over the years it got worse because I would try to restrict during the week and always binge on the weekend. Holidays where the worst, because I had no routine and would binge every day. Last year I finshed high school and started a gap year in the USA and maybe going to the US with binge eating disorder was the worst Idea of my life. In the last 8 month I gained over 22 lbs /10 kg. A lot of shit happend at home and I wasn't there, so I would eat my feelings, I would stay in bed for weeks and eat 10 whole meals a day until I thought I would die from a heart attack because I ate so much. I have a 9 to 5 job in an Office right now, so I dont move a lot. Most days I get up go to Work and have lunch, go back home have dinner, eat a lot of Snacks watch TV go to bed. But since a few weeks I am binge free, I still eat too much and not healthy all the time, but it's getting better slowly and I already lost some Weight. So here are my things that help me.

🌻Accept it.

You have Binge eating disorder, Yeah it sucks, and it's gonna happen again! Nothing sucks more than having this anorexic beauty standart /goal in your head, but binge eating at the same time. But this is where we are right now, so accept it. And dont promise yourself to never binge again, this will put you under pressure and you will most likley binge again! Promise yourself to get better.

🥗 Eat healthy.

All this processed food will lead to more cravings and wont make you full. Also healthy food is lower in calories, more nutrional and will make you feel better.

📺 Eat mindful.

Don't eat in front of any media. If you have time prepare your food and eat slowly. I used to eat every meal while watching something on my Phone, to the point where I couldnt watch something without craving food. Yeah eating in silence is boring but it will stop you from over eating. Also dont eat in your room!

🕛Eat regulary

Try to eat at the same time every Day. That doesnt mean you have to eat exactley at 12pm but try to eat around that time. What Works for me is having 3 big meals a day. But there are so many options like 3 meals two snacks etc. Just try to have a routine. It helps especially when you have trouble knowing when you are hungry or full. I try not to eat after 7pm because I know that thats mostly emotional /binge eating. And dont freak out if something unplanned is happening and you can't eat at that certain time. Its ok thats life. Try again tomorrow.

👭Eat with friends.

Especially when you feel like binging. Call a friend, do a sleepover. Eating with others will stop you from eating like a pig. Maybe you will still overeat but at least not until your stomache hurts.

😴 Get enough sleep.

If you lack of sleep your body is trying to get the energy from food, so you will eat more. Try to get 7-9 hours every night. And have a certain bedtime. I had most of my binges after 10pm but if you sleep you can't eat!

🏡 Get out of the house.

If you are at home it's easier to binge. No one is watching you and you have all the food around you. Try to have something to do every Day. Meet with friends, get a hobby. Even if you have work to do, do it somewhere else like the libary.

🙅Avoid Stress.

Bad feelings like stress will lead to binging. If you have a big project to do and you don't know how to start and you procastinate, that will lead to guild and stress. Start early, ask for help, prepare for a binge. Dont let other people Stress you, especially family members love to tell you how many things you should be doing and how far you are behind and how easy it is to do All of this. Its ok, breathe, especially with Depression and an eating disorder it often feels like you are stuck in life and everyone else figured it out. Its not like that! Your trying! As long as you keep trying you are not stuck!!!

👸Don't compare yourself to others!!!!

This is maybe the most improtant one. Dont compare yourself, yes there are people where it seems like there are perfect, they have all this energy and they are good in everything. But who cares? They are not you, you should only compare yourself with yourself. Everything else will make you feel like you can never do it and you will never be good enough. But if you only Focus on your own progress you will get happy and stay motivated.

🐢 Be slow.

Yes I know we all want to see change as soon as possible. But change takes time. Think about where you would be right now if you made slow but constant progress?! Yeah we see all these people who eat under 1000 calories exercise every day and have straight A's. But you tried that right? It worked for a week and then you binge again. Dont overwhelm yourself Start slow. Start with one challange a week. Set yourself realistic Goals. For example exercise 4 times a week. Thats your goal for the week nothing else. You could stay in bed all Day and eat, as long as you exercise 4 times a week. It works, I promise you wont stay in bed all Day, but if your brain thinks you could then it doesnt feel like restricting and you wont binge. Its So weird but the Moment you tell yourself Im gonna binge again and it's ok, you are less likley to binge. The mindset, I never gonna binge again, is the most dangerous.

⭐Dont be a fucking perfectionist!

I told myself so many times Im gonna eat healthy and then I would eat one drop of olive oil and be like fuck it now Im gonna eat 10.000 calories of junk! There are so many diffrend ways to reach your goal! Not this one perfect way. And even the most perfect people are not always perfect. You dont have to be perfect to reach your goal!!!!!!!! Slow progress!!!! Kill your All or nothing mindest!!

🍕Enjoy your binge.

If you are about to binge, keep calm, Trink some water. Call a friend, prepare your binge food, try to make it more healthy,for example vegan junk food or stuff like hummus and Avocado, wich are tasty and high in calories but healthy. Binging on more healthy food will make you feel better than binging on McDonalds and your skin is not going to break out, also it is hader to eat as many calories with healthy food. Enjoy the food, dont just swallow it!

🚫Dont restrict the day after!

It seems so logic right? I binge, now Im gonna starve the next Day. But this will ALWAYS lead to another binge. Dont skip meals! Move on as if nothing happend!

🤸Learn to fill the void

Lets be honest there are only 2 reason why we binge,1. You don't eat enough and your body is trying to get the nutrition. And 2. you're trying to feel better. Tasty food is releasing Dopamin and we feel good, at least while we are eating. But after you binge you feel disgusting and like a failure. So you have to find something else to fill that void. I read once that for every Bad habit you want to break you need 5 good habits. So find something that makes you happy. Start your Day dancing to your favourite songs. Meet with friends. Exercise. Watch your favourite Show without any distraction. Draw. Masturbate :) whatever makes you happy.

🌈Stay motivated.

Remember, progress is slow. Sometimes you wont see any change, your brain will tell you it's not worth it and to just give up. Remember why you started. Keep a tumblr with stuff that inspires and motivates you, but don’t compare yourself with others! Search for people who have the same problems it's not a race, be Kind to each other motivate each other. And don’t use your whole energy for this one goal, focuse on other things in life, time will go faster that way. Dont search for change in the morrior everyday! You got this!

🍑Hope this helps someone. If you have more Tips please share. If you have questions ask me and if you want to chat, message me.

Sorry for my spelling btw.

#binge eating recovery #bingeeating #anti binge #stop binging #active thinspo #thinspo #eating disorder #healthy eating #motivation #inspiration #me #personal #Depression #overeating #mental health

1K notes · View notes

midnightmorales · 5 years

Text

perfect - t.h.

warnings: insecure reader, fatphobia, harmful diet (hey if you see this and you're thinking about doing the diet mentioned- don't! it's unhealthy, and you're beautiful just like you are❤)

word count: 950 (it's really short, i'm sorry)

pairing: tom holland x (insecure!) (chubby!) (model!) reader

summary: you've been chubby your entire life, but some recent mean comments you've received have really hit home with you. you start on a diet, which leaves you barely eating. it doesn't help when an interviewer makes some rude remarks as well.

a/n: i kind of read the request wrong, i'm just now realizing. sorry, dude! i hope this isn't too far from what you originally had in mind!

you flopped down on your couch, equipped with a bag of chips and a bottle of coca cola.

you'd had a long day, and you just wanted to relax.

you pulled out your phone and began scrolling aimlessly through twitter. you smiled, seeing a picture of yourself that your boyfriend, tom, had posted.

your smile quickly disappeared, though, as you noticed what some of the comments said.

"damn shes been putting on weight huh"

"ur fat"

"she really doesn't deserve him"

you put your phone to sleep, setting it down beside you as you glanced at what you were eating.

you knew you were overweight; it had always been like this, since you were young. you hadn't ever really minded, though.

despite your weight, a year ago you'd been offered a modeling gig. from there, you got into acting, and met your boyfriend tom.

you were quite new to the whole fame thing. these were the first mean comments you'd seen.

"they're wrong," you told yourself. "they're just jealous. you're a model, y/n, come on!"

tears welled in your eyes. you didn't believe yourself.

you grabbed the chips and coke, and dumped them in the garbage, before letting out a large sob.

you sat by the bin, crying. defeated. you felt ugly. you felt ashamed. you were gross, you told yourself. an abomination. why should anyone have to look at you?

you wanted to be pretty. skinny. you sniffled, wiping your face with your arm. that was it! no more of this 'fat y/n'!

you were going to be beautiful if it cost you your life!

you stood. a sense of determination filled the room.

two hours and twenty-three minutes later, you had entirely rid the apartment you and tom shared of any food that was not healthy. every single thing.

as soon as you were done with that, you picked your phone back up and googled 'diets to lose weight fast'.

you were going to be gorgeous!

you found something quickly- the military diet. you'd only eat 1,000 calories a day, as opposed to your regular intake. the diet also mentioned days off, but you thought you'd lose a lot more weight a lot faster just skipping those cheat days.

"darling?" you heard. tom was home.

you quickly closed the tab and tried to act like nothing was wrong. "hey babe," you smiled.

he gave you a quick kiss before setting his stuff down. "i was thinking we could go out for dinner tonight?"

you weren't sure how many calories you'd had today, and you didn't want to offset the diet.

"how about tomorrow?" you suggested.

"sure, love," tom smiled. "i think i'm gonna take a nap."

he kissed your cheek before going to your room.

"what can i get for you two?" the waitress asked, clicking her pen.

tom had surprised you with your favorite steak house. while you appreciated the gesture, you knew you wouldn't be able to eat anything without going over your calorie limit.

tom ordered, and the waitress turned her eyes to you. "and you, ma'am"

you glanced at the menu one more time. "i'll just have the ceasar salad, please,"

"alrighty! your food should be out soon!" the waitress smiled, taking your menus before leaving.

"are you alright, love?" tom asked. you glanced at him, noticing the worry in his eyes.

"hm?" you looked away, becoming particularly intrigued with your fingernails.

"don't play dumb with me, y/n," tom said, taking your hand lightly in his. "you haven't been eating right all day. are you okay?"

you looked back up at him. he smiled softly. god, he was so sweet! what did you ever do to deserve someone like him?

"i'm fine, tommy," you lied. you squeezed his hand, smiling back. "i'm perfectly fine,"

he leaned across the table to kiss you. "okay, love,"

your food came soon after, and you and tom ate in silence.

the drive home was almost entirely silent too, until tom cleared his throat and began speaking.

"so, i asked, and.... you get to come to my next interview with me!"

"really?" you smiled, genuinely. "that's great tommy!"

"i know!! it's tomorrow, 7:30am, okay?"

you nodded, grinning widely.

"tommy, do i look okay?" you asked your boyfriend.

"you're gorgeous, babe," he said, giving you a quick peck on the lips. "come on, though, we've got to go,"

it wasn't too long before you were sitting in the interview room with tom, answering questions.

"okay," the man interviewing you said. "this next question is directed at y/n."

"shoot," you said, smiling brightly.

"is it hard being a plus-sized model?" your smile quickly disappeared. "i mean, everywhere you look you must see all these pretty women and-"

"are you saying she's not pretty?" tom cut in. you looked at him and could see the rage seething in his eyes. "listen, man, if you're gonna insult my girlfriend, we've got better things to do,"

"wait, no, i didn't-" but it was too late. tom had already grabbed your hand and the two of you were already leaving.

tears welled in your eyes, no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

instead of driving home immediately, the two of you sat in the parking lot, silent. your hand was still gripping tom's.

"babe?" you looked up at him, and now he could see that you were crying. he pulled you into a hug. "don't listen to them. i don't care if you weight 100 pounds or 600 pounds- you're perfect,"

you smiled at him, even letting a small laugh escape. he grinned, "that's better,"

he kissed your forehead. "come on, we'll watch movies and eat popcorn all night,"

"sounds amazing,"

159 notes · View notes

ithinkthereforiamfandom · 5 years

Text

Tear stained

(I'm tired of hurting the boys, have some whumpyFluffy Mystrade, it's a Mystrade POV to Yesterday's offering)

Greg's heart broke as he stood in the door way of Myc's study. He doubted very much if his iceman even knew it but tears slowly rolled down those rarely stumbled cheeks. The news of his father's heart attack had shaken Mycroft badly but he had insisted that he was fine. Greg had tried to tempt him to bed and managed to not take his vehement rejection too personally.

He watched as his wonderful idiot started to sniff and bolt upright scrubbing his hands at his face. Most people would use the distraction to slink away from a demonstrably emotional Mycroft Holmes but Greg enjoyed certain privileges, like Not being shipped off to Siberia for seeing the British Government cry a bit.

"Myc? MyMyc come'n you. You're exhausted if nothing else." "A minute Gregory." Long hands started shuffling through paper work. "I just need to sign these two by midnight!" The pending documents were carefully pulled from the now trembling hands as Greg's other hand eased the rest of the paperwork off the desk "Come'n Mycroft. You can have these two but the rest is going in your intray for tomorrow.

Mycroft sighed, Gregory never used his full name unless it was serious. "Yes. I know I'm being a bit irrational. Thank you Darling." A few small flourishes and the documents were ready for scanning and saved to the correct server with, Heavens! 40 minutes to midnight. No wonder he was in trouble.

A grey head handed over his shoulder as deliciously strong arms wrapped around him from behind. "You're allowed to be a bit irrational after today. But let me look after you now ok?" Humming quietly intune with Gregory Mycroft let himself be pulled to the living room and set on his sofa. He watched his love leave, and scrubbed again at his tear stained face until the smell of ambrosia drifted down the passage. The food of gods came in carried by his grinning saviour. Battered fish, greasy fried chips and minty mushy peas drowning in butter, he could smell it all from miles away.

"Greg." Myc's stunned whisper was answer enough. They were gonna have unhealthy food, a bit of whiskey, and all the sex they could manage. "Eat up, you can worry about the calories and the rest of England tomorrow. John is staying with him at the hospital and Sherlock's taken Mum home." He knew Mycroft had been feeling guilty after his fleeting visit but seeing his father pale and weak in a hospital bed had nearly been too much for him to take. Greg smiled as they tucked in, a tumbler of the good stuff was soon set beside him and they chatted about the quality of chippies in London now days.

A thoroughly contented Mycroft took Greg by the hand and lead him to the shower, a long slow one. Then to bed, sleep came sooner than usual but the showers antics had been all the more athletic for the build up tension of the day. Mycroft grinned into his Greg's silver hair, yes, he could worry about everything else tomorrow.

@mofftissfan @sarahthecoat @loveismyrevolution @riorothbates @underestimatemethatwillbefun @anotherwellkeptsecret @benaddictedandsherlocked @johnlockismyreligion @almosttomorocco @superwholocklmt @strangeps3lyricsmuffin @chinike @loves-to-read-fanfic @sillystring111 @ben-locked @jobooksncoffee @johnlockunicorn @chained-to-the-mirror @thinkanddoodle-batch @melmey-fanfics @the-persian-slipper @melsesowieso @morgendaemmerung89 @shiplocks-of-love @pri1982 @kitten-kin @221b-gone-feels @theconsultinglinguist @francj96 @sabrina-phynn @colourfulwatson @thejohnlockoutlet @lady-phoenix-of-tardis @shoshililly @mrb488 @yaycoffee @pippn-frodo @barbsiebabe @skullinitium

#whump drabble #whumptober19 #no.14

37 notes · View notes

xxx-cat-xxx · 5 years

Text

Holding Water in your Hands

This is set in the five years in between and although all we’ve ever gotten of Nat and Rhodey were like two minutes of screentime, their friendship is a fact for me.

TW for self-harm and general bad mental health as well as questionable coping strategies. Thanks to @whumphoarder for beta reading and understanding.

______________________

“Faster.”

Nat’s feet are hitting the treadmill in a steady rhythm, the gym around her blurring before her eyes.

“Faster.”

“The security parameters recommend not to exceed a speed of-”

“Faster!” she interrupts the AI’s voice.

The treadmill increases its speed, and Nat’s legs now have to truly struggle to keep up. It’s hurting, each step reverberating through her body like a beat, a slap, something painful and real. Her breath is burning in her lungs, each one a struggle, the muscles in her abdomen stabbing and begging her to stop, and for a minute she doesn’t think about anything else because the pain is so good-

“Nat!”

She spins around, and it’s only the fact that her legs seem to have disconnected from the rest of her body and keep moving on autopilot that prevents her from falling off the device altogether. She stumbles, then jumps down sideways and hits the ground with a painful twist in her ankle, panting hard.

“What the fuck, Nat?” Rhodey is standing in the entry, still in his battle clothes. His face is a mixture of surprise and concern. “What the hell was that about? You trying to break your legs?”

“What are you doing here?” she snaps. She’s struggling to catch her breath and focus her eyes on him. The room is spinning slightly, like her brain hasn’t caught up with the fact that she isn’t moving anymore. “You weren’t supposed to be back before tomorrow.”

“The suspects surrendered before we even had to attack.” Rhodey shrugs. “I tried to call you to let you know I was coming, but apparently you were a little busy.” He nods to the machine.

“Yeah. I was.”

She makes to brush past him and get out of the door, but halfway through the room her vision starts to swim. Her knees grow weak and she stumbles heavily into him.

“Whoa.” Rhodey staggers, his leg braces having trouble adjusting to the sudden weight. “Okay, I’ve got you.”

“I’m good,” she protests as he lowers her to the ground, “Get off me.”

“Always happy to help,” he snarks back, but there’s more worry than anger. “God, Nat, you can’t do that to your body.”

“I was training,” she emphasis, realising too late that her defensive tone is just making it worse.

“That wasn’t training, that was madness.”

Nat starts to reply, but the breath catches in her still-too-dry lungs and she descends into a painful coughing fit that doesn’t stop until Rhodey hands her a water bottle. She takes a sip, coughs again, then waits for the fire in her lungs to subside and her racing heart to slow down.

“What’s going on, Nat?” His voice is awfully warm and understanding. It makes her feel sick.

“Nothing. What should be going on?” she spits.

“You’re a mess.” He looks her up and down, taking in her unwashed hair, the rings under her eyes, the stench of sweat, the dirty clothes. “The office is a mess. It looks like Tony moved back in.”

“Don’t compare me to Stark.”

“Oh, you and him can be quite similar. Workaholism, chronic lack of sleep, and unhealthy coping strategies masked by sarcasm? Spot-on Tony.”

She doesn’t bother to reply and instead takes another sip from the bottle. It settles uneasily in her stomach. She feels too hot despite the small shivers running through her, sweat now starting to drip down her temples and her armpits, gathering in between her breasts. Disgusting, that’s the word. She’s disgusted by herself.

“You should get out of the compound for a while,” Rhodey suggests. “Talk to people instead of holing yourself up in here.”

“I’m working.”

“Yeah, and you need a break from that. A vacation, definitely.”

“Then who’s gonna hold position here?”

“Nat.” She stops him by holding up her hand. It’s not like she doesn’t know what he’s thinking, like she hasn’t gone over it again and again herself before actively trying everything to shut her brain up. That the Avengers are gone, over, dead. That it doesn’t make a difference whether she sits at HQ all day or not. That she’s holding on to an illusion, trying to catch seawater with her bare hands. That it’s futile. But she can’t let him say it, because if he does, if she is forced to accept the truth, there will really be nothing left for her to hold on to.

“You know that you’re always welcome at Tony’s and Pepper’s?” Rhodey’s voice has softened now.

Nat snorts sarcastically. “Sure.”

“I mean it. They’ve been asking about you. You haven’t been there since the wedding. You haven’t even met Morgan yet.”

“I don’t like kids.”

“Oh, I heard different things from the Bartons.”

It stings. It stings so hard that Nat feels tears welling up, just for a second, until she gets herself back under control.

“Sorry,” Rhodey says, looking guilty. “I’m just, I’m worried about you, okay?”

“No need,” Nat rebuts, her voice hoarse and her nose a bit blocked.

“You’re running yourself down. Hurting yourself.”

She reacts by twisting her arms inside involuntarily. It’s completely stupid, but she can’t help herself, feeling exposed all of the sudden.

He catches the movement, grabs her wrists and turns them around so the cuts are clearly visible. They’re short, but deep enough that droplets of blood have run down her arm and dried there, leaving a broken trail of red. She twists her hands back briskly to break his grip and pulls them towards her chest.

“What happened there?” Rhodey demands.

“Broke a plate,” she lies without changing her expression. Part of her almost wishes that he’d see through it. That someone would catch her, one day - would realise how much it’s hurting without her having to say the words. Someone who wouldn’t judge, just understand.

But at the same time she’s deadly afraid of it.

“I see.” Rhodey’s expression is stony.

“Don’t you have shit to do?” She picks her rudest voice.

He just looks at her. “I’ll make you a sandwich.”

“I don’t want it.” The mere thought of food makes her sick, although the flickering in front of her eyes and the thudding pain in her head tell her that she probably needs to boost her blood sugar.

“What do you want, then?” Rhodey asks earnestly.

She wants to sleep, but she knows that lying down is the worst thing she could do, that it will only cause the thoughts to be too loud to block out. Last time she tried that, she ended up with a knife in her hands, blood on her forearms, puking vodka into the stupid flower pots in the frontyard.

She wants to get back on the treadmill and exercise more, run and run and run until she can outrun the thoughts, the desperation, the goddamn heaviness in her chest that’s been weighing her down ever since that horrible day in Wakanda. She’s tried, but she’s never managed to be fast enough. It looks like her race with depression is one that she cannot win.

She wants something to hit her so hard that it just knocks herself out of her head. A meteor would be good, a medium-sized moon or a fucking planet like the one Thanos threw at Tony back on Titan. Unconsciousness would be bliss right now, but it’s nothing she can give to herself. The pain she receives by cutting her arms is just a sliver, an approximation, and despite the small relief it gives her, it mostly feels like she’s cheating. It’s not real - she doesn’t deserve it. She wonders whether she could ask Rhodey to temporarily knock her out, just to get some hours of without having to think, or whether she could provoke him enough that he does it out of anger.

“Nat?” He places a hand on her arm and this time she hesitates a bit before shaking it off. It’s so tempting. Just someone to hold her, someone who cares, someone to take the responsibility off her shoulders for just a moment.

But no. She doesn’t do that. Shouldn’t want this. She’s let go of that desire a long time ago, and it was the right thing to do so. Clint has proved that once and for all.

“Get yourself a sandwich. You must be hungry.” She gives him a tightlipped smile and gets back to her feet. Her vision clouds again, but this time she’s prepared and has herself back under control before the swaying can give it away. “I’ll go take a shower.”

It’s a lie - the energy she’d need for that is far beyond her. But hopefully it will be enough to get him off her back.

She makes it to the elevator before her low blood sugar protests and she sinks down against the wall, fighting against the pull of dizziness. “Fuck,” she curses, blinking away tears. Tears of anger at her own stupidity, her own weakness, her inability to just be okay for once. Everyone’s lost people. And they got a grip on their lives. What the fuck is wrong with her?

Rhodey finds her two minutes later, walking down the corridor as if by chance although his room lies in the opposite direction. He must have developed a sixth sense for people who won’t call for help. Being a friend of Tony Stark probably does that to you.

This time he doesn’t say anything, just looks down at her disgusting, pathetic state with a raised eyebrow and those warm dark eyes. Nat bites her lip and raises her chin. Part of her wants to beat that expression out of his face, but she doesn’t have the energy. Another part, one that fills her with shame and self-hatred, wants to reach out and hug him.

“Listen,” Rhodey says. “I get it that you don’t want to talk to me, and we don’t have to. I know Steve would come running if he could, but he’s not in the country and I can’t think of anyone else to call. Can you?”

She stays silent, stubbornly. Quite telling that the group of people that would once upon a time willingly have taken care of her has reduced to a single national icon.

“Thought so. I understand you want to be alone, but I can’t let you pass out on the floor. You have to eat and drink something, and then you have to rest. So, your room or the common area?”

He says it as if there was still actually anything common about it, as if it wasn’t a ghost room like all the others that is occasionally used by Nat for reruns of Dexter and drying her laundry. Nat can’t bring herself to care, but then she thinks of the empty Vodka bottles on the floor in her room and the array of knives in the bathroom and about a dozen other things that he shouldn’t see and decides it’s best to stay away from there.

“Common area,” she replies, hating how her voice comes out in a croak. He extends a hand and she lets him help her up.

They settle on the couch in front of the ridiculously huge TV and Rhodey starts to run Kill Bill in the background. Nat manages to eat half a sandwich before the nausea in her stomach forces her to stop for a while.

When Rhodey seems sure that she’s no longer in any danger of passing out, he goes for a shower before returning in jeans and t-shirt and rejoining her on the couch. Nat should probably clean herself up, knowing that the scent of her now-dried sweat can’t be pleasant, but she can’t bring herself to get up. He offers her a bag of peanuts he’s dug out of who-knows-where.

“Feeling any better?”

She shrugs. It’s not even a lie this time; she genuinely doesn’t have an answer. Her body is always tired, always hurting, and although it shouldn’t, that hurt mostly seems like something desirable rather than something to be avoided. Her moods vary between actively wanting to feel as much pain as possible and not wanting to feel anything at all. It’s there even now, the desire for hurt, but it’s duller now with Rhodey in the room and the satisfying aftermath of exercise burning through her muscles.

“How long will you stay?” she asks with a sideways glance. Rhodey has an apartment in the city and usually only comes to the compound for debriefings, occasionally crashing in his old room for a night or two when the missions are too exhausting.

It’s his turn to shrug now. “I got the rest of the week off, so let’s see.” He stares at the screen where Uma Thurman slices up a body. “Can help you tidy up here tomorrow.”

Nat’s first impulse is to be offended - the office is looking just fine, considering that she is basically heading world defense on her own, and in a much better state than her own room (or than it had ever been when Tony had been working there). Rhodey seems to sense that he said something wrong, because he adds:

“We could visit the shooting range, it’s been a while.”

Nat and Rhodey share a love for good guns and had a habit of occasionally training together during the time when the whole team used to live at the compound. Steve liked boxing more than shooting, Tony was always more intrigued by upgrading the weapons than actually using them, and Thor decried anything involving targeting people from afar as he thought it unfair battle strategy. The only one who’d join them occasionally would be Clint, who always preferred his bow and arrow above guns but trained for the practicality of it. He and Rhodey would compete for second place after Nat (with Clint letting Rhodey win every other time to keep his spirits up), but no, Nat is not thinking of that now.

She’s going to make it through the night without falling apart. She’s going to clean up. She’s going to train. She’s going to get her shit together.

She’s told this to herself countless times over the past months, and it’s always turned out to be another broken promise. But Rhodey is looking at her expectantly, and while she can’t bring herself to open up to him, she can’t let him down either.

“Deal,” she says.

Rhodey actually dozes off after a while, completely unfazed by the shoot-out currently happening on the TV screen. Nat feels herself drift as well, her thoughts cloudy and slow like heavy rain clouds. If Rhodey doesn’t wake, if the movie doesn’t end, if she stays right here and doesn’t let the thoughts wander anywhere else, she feels like sleep might actually be a possibility tonight. It’s an awful lot of ifs, but it’s more than she usually has.

_________

@badthingshappenbingo This is my fill for the “Sleep Deprivation” square.

All my fics // My other Nat-centric fic

Taglist: @toomuchtoread33 @yepokokfine

#natasha romanov #james rhodes #rhodey and nat #nat #rhodey #endgame #self-harm #depression #fanfic #hurt natasha #natasha romanov needs a hug #badthingshappenbingo #sleep deprivation #and lots of other shit tbh

67 notes · View notes