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weektoweekpoetry · 1 year

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To be loved through growth

All of the mess that entails

The ugly roots weeding out

The hard truths planted

The Springs with their

Allergies and coughing colors

That follow ravaging winters

May be more than I deserve

And yet I hope

And that hope is growth

In its own right

#poem #love #growth #poetry #late night #ramble on #spilled fears

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inkskinned · 2 years

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kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

#spilled ink #warm up #so i have worked in childcare as a teacher for like 15 years #hence the language behind ''what helps you be safe in your body?''#like you can tell by what i say here i have EXPERIENCE with kids.#but tbh the REAL teacher moment is watching a 6/7 year old say #''this makes me nervous #can you please not come closer?''#as a teacher i was IMMEDIATELY like ... ahh whomever is raising you is doing an EXCELLENT job holy shit #verbalizing your fears? trusting an adult to listen?#ability to recognize a way you might feel safer?#like .... this kid's caregivers.... that one moment... i was like .... who are u i wanna french kiss you big on the mouth

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in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine · 9 months

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In Darkness and in Solitude

#spilled thoughts #quotes #aesthetic #creativity #relatable quotes #anger #regret #struggle #fear #guilt #emotions #anger issues

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oxfordelise · 2 months

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When Franz Kafka said that he is terribly afraid of dying because he hasn’t yet lived, i felt that on a deep emotional level.

#deep thoughts #deep quotes #deep feelings #tears for fears #afraid of dying #life quotes #I’m a bit dramatic #franz kafka #quotes #literature #2 am thoughts #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled poetry #poetry #lit #literary quotes #feelings

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wizardlyghost · 6 months

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carefully ladling more ingredients into an already overloaded pot saying "don't fuck me archimedes" like a whispered prayer to a patron saint of water displacement

#we are so close to spilling y'all i am in fear #stirring so so so carefully

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maomango-doodle · 9 months

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(13 pages) Forlorn

#trigun #trigun stampede #millions knives #on an episode of “how much can i woobify knives :D”#his character is interesting to explore. so much loneliness mixed with strong emotions repressed behind a cold facade #i wondered how he would react to the realization that he misses vash #if he brings his plans to fruition then they'll be reunited -- that's what he tells himself #maybe to keep the loneliness at bay but sometimes it catches up to him #i thought maybe this cold and perfect facade knives parades would shatter and the “ugly” emotions hidden behind would spill out #which would be smth out of his control. and knives hates it. or deep down is terrified of it #smth smth knives seeing vash in his reflection on a stolen red plant #and oh #oh he's PISSED #he let a part of himself break. he showed weakness. and over what? over vash?? but hes doing everything for HIM #he thinks -- so it's vash's fault he's losing his composure right?#it's vash's fault he's distracted from what could reunite them. his fault knives is doing all of this. feeling all of this #using vash as a scape goat for his own emotional turmoil #and that piano be damned. it's a monolith of his loneliness #if only it could all disappear-- the piano-- the cold-- the memories-- the weight on his heart-- the FEAR #there's smth about his rage being rooted in fear that intrigues me #fear of remaining alone-- fear of the hurricane of his own emotions-- fear of time passing and loss of control #then his hood falls off and he's left vulnerable and exposed #also i like the idea of knives looking pretty when he's composed but when he shows strong emotions he turns ugly and wrinkly #comic #i forgot it was in my drafts lol also not kv btw ^^#Thank you for reading! :3 #shinxo art #shinxo comic

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ashsostrange · 4 months

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nd i’m gonna touch your hand when i say this… are y’all hc ellie williams as trans for trans-lesbian rep purposes, or are you jus horny w a fetish?

#ash spills 💋#genuine question #bc all i see is smut i fear #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fics #tlou fics #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us

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blueeyesfilledwithpassion · 6 months

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Love Her 💙

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buckttommy · 1 year

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One thing that was very interesting to me in this episode is the way Eddie was just... not joking about Buck's love interests.

That stuck out.

Usually when Eddie talks to Buck about his love interests, it's with an edge of fond exasperation, teasing laced around his gently delivered truths, but there was none of that this episode. Buck told Eddie he went to see Natalia and it was like something switched. Eddie's entire affect changed when Buck started talking about Natalia. He went from being loose and easy (as loose and easy as one can get when standing at a grave) to being... not combative, necessarily, but visibly actively not wanting to engage in conversation about her either, and it's not...

It's not even jealousy!! We joke a lot about Eddie and jealousy, but it wasn't that at all. It was a fatigue that comes with silence, that comes with holding your tongue, that comes with keeping secrets. Especially when Buck said that he feels like Natalia sees him. That look Eddie gave him immediately after? That was pure hurt. That was him saying I see you too, I've always seen you. But he can't say that. He can't say that, because to say that would be to say so many other things about the way he sees Buck, and to say so many other things would mean to have to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth about the ONE thing he's been holding onto ever since he was shot.

I don't know. I don't know, but I think Eddie taking Buck on a date and I think about how Eddie left his son—his heart—in Buck's care so they could bake cookies together (which becomes profoundly more significant in an episode where Christopher was talking about baking smores with his mom), and I think about Kenny saying Ryan has been doing some very nuanced work in the back half of this season, I'm like

Oh. Oh. I see it, thank you. Loud and clear.

#Before 5B I was like 'Eddie's pining era Eddie's pining era WHEN?'#but babes we are right in the thick of it. It's in his eyes. It's in his smile. It's in the way he looks Buck #in the way he treats him. In the way he creates space for his confusion for his fatigue for his grief.#In the way he shows quiet support and a stern shoulder to lean upon #In the way he doesn't burden Buck with his own feelings (even though that's mostly selfish on his part because #no part of Eddie will ever be a burden on Buck but Eddie doesn't know that yet)#It's just. Eddie's feelings for Buck are literally in *everything* he says and everything he does #It bleeds from him just like his blood did on that street.#If everything about Buck/Eddie's lives have been shrouded by the shooting since it happened #everything about their lives has *also* been shrouded by Eddie's enormous and unflinching love for him #and he keeps holding his breath and swallowing it down and putting off the moment where he pulls back the lid #and it all spills out and before he knows it... before he knows it #it's going to be too late. And instead of his blood staining the street it's going to be Buck's and he's going to tell him #but he won't hear him because Eddie was too slow too fucking slow #(did we all peep the watch on his wrist? Yeah. Time is running out Eddie. Time is running out and it is not going to #wait for fear to release its hold on you. Buck's not going to cheat death again. Don't waste time babe)#Anyways. Yeah. YEAH. Yeah....... whew. This episode was a Lot #jack.txt #tv: 911 #911: 06 x 15 #911 spoilers

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waywardted · 1 year

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I really do have love to give. I just don't know where to put it. - Magnolia (1999)

#ted lasso #tedlassoedit #tedlassosource #ted lasso spoilers #rebecca welton #m*ne #mine: lasso #i just think it's so important that we're getting to see how she's grown into her ultimate unfettered bestie and beloved leader self #that her big heart that had been locked up for years can finally spill out over everyone around her #she's not caught up in rupert or dating apps or her brand or how she's *supposed* to be #she's FREE and LIGHT and honest and so wholly present and supportive and generous with her heart #SHE HAS SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE AND SHE HAS PLACES TO PUT IT #the wise up of it all i SWEAR #and with roy that she's like it's time for rebecca to be rebecca #she knows who she is and she's choosing it #not holding her tongue or staying out of things because of fear about how people might react to her honesty and how she presents herself #trusting that people she loves like roy and ted aren't going to punish her for telling them the truth #oh i am soooo emo about it i love her so much

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wedarkacademia · 10 months

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Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Manon, Ballerina

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asoftepiloguemylove · 10 months

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Hi, can i request a webweave on infatuation & trust issues?

i swear i'd love you if i could

pinterest / Clementine Von Radics In A Dream You Saw A Way To Survive; The Fear / pinterest / @hamletsmachine unaligned (2016) / @gumuhit old love (2016) / @extrasad

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dumblr · 1 month

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You may not know this but sometimes I think of you at midnight. When the night is still the silence speaks to us. I have learned that darkness never lies. It tells us what we fear losing.

One of them is always you.

#poem #personal #feelings #emotions #love #thoughtful #midnight #fear #words #deep words #poetry #unsaid thoughts #spilled ink #dumblr

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flimythings · 2 months

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When death comes knocking, I'll grasp your hand tightly, vowing to reunite in every existence.

-filmythings

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felineandhustle · 2 months

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hathaway-hayes · 21 days

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Somewhere -

There’s an old man not so silently Grinding his teeth Whilst rocking on his porch

Seeking a seventh-day constellation In a six day week.

And at some point -

He mumbles, he swears it’s there like: The rainy-day money stored In a book long forgotten.

Maybe it’s in Xian.

Maybe it’s in Denver.

Maybe it’s in Mom’s cooking.

It’s definitely in antiquity, A grief on every other Wednesday, now, And wish for the gray to go away.

- Hathaway Hayes (2024)

#writerscreed #twcpoetry #poeticstories #poetryportal #burningmuses #writtenconsiderations #spilled ink #writingthestorm #poem #poetry #poet #poets on tumblr #writer #author #writers on tumblr #aging #fear #dementia #Gerascophobia

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