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unhappytimeleaper · 1 year

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Word Count: 1,320+

Yes. This is self-indulgent because I already had half of it written on some Discord server from my 1 am ramblings, and I was thinking about it again.

I left the server I was in that initially kinda took up all my focus from writing; I don’t know if that means I’ll post more or not cause really, I’m just back to feeling lonely and not motivated. It means now I just don’t have people to talk to about games or other media I love, but oh well. I’ll force all of you to listen to that I was replaying Our Life and XOXO Droplets, and I love the characters. All I wanna do now is play those games on repeat.

Also, so like, platonic yandere’s aren’t always my favorite to write, but I love platonic yan Ortho. There is something so fun and scary about it. It is kinda ironic, but Ortho and Kalim are some of my favorite yandere in TWST; not really my favorite characters, but I think they are so scary in a fun way in a non-traditional way, but both kind of align in the same vein. Regardless I do plan on focusing on Ortho in this post, but one day maybe I’ll get to Kalim.

Ortho Shroud; Unedited. Gender Neutral Reader.

Warnings; yandere content, light manipulation and guilting if you’re sensitive to that. Incase you can’t read and need to see it again this is platonic; think more babysitter-siblings dynamic.

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

What makes Ortho stand out is that he is a kid. In every sense, as fancy as his technology is, as much as it's hard to perceive him as just a kid under all that gear, that's what he is. It's easy to forget since he can come off as ‘beyond his years’ at time. Even more than that, it's easy to forget how needy kids are. In every aspect of what it means to help others grow into essentially good adults, although there is the problem, Ortho will never reach that stage, and no matter what positive approach you take to his overbearing habits, they end up blending back too much with the childish sentience he's adopted.

Ortho probably has learned a handful of his more harmful traits from Idia, although we can't say the negative aspects from other students probably haven't also caused some damage. However, where certain things might differ is that Ortho's actions never come from a place of wanting to harm you or even anger, unlike some of the others whose yandere traits are brought forward more when experiencing an influx of negative emotions they wish to also make your experience. Ortho takes all of these emotions and processes them through a childish lens— one who becomes horribly clingy and desperate for attention/validation. As much as technology can help download guides about emotions, the "proper" way to handle jealousy/fears/loneliness, and worse, access the opposite files of what should be done for immense feelings, none of it can be put to practical use. Reading about it doesn't solve the problem; instead, Ortho can only verbatim read out information rather than put it to use from what is left of his little kid brain. Much like any young person, just hearing about how to handle situations regarding emotions doesn't actually mean they can use those tools until taught. Ortho just lacks someone to teach him how to process these feelings and the ability to innately comprehend them.

It's not like anyone has an issue with Ortho, they always play nice, but Ortho can tell it's not the same as how they treat each other. He feels it in his... gears... and hears it in their voices, he may be unable to verbalize the differences, but it's something he is at least cognisant over. He knows his brother loves him, and he loves him too, but Idia is locked away so often it gets lonely. And it's hard for him to connect with others on campus other than when trying to help; most don't want to play babysitter [even if everyone is well aware that’s not what Ortho needs or wants but how else are you gonna have a friendship with a kid], and even then, knowing how to interact with a dead child-robot AI is more than a little… off-putting at times. The world is at his fingertips, and no one really has worked with Ortho on what is left of his human side, making everything personal hard to connect with.

So if Idia needs his… space… Ortho comes clinging to the next best person. You! The newbie; the person who seems to not really have a preset concept of his creation and works to mainly treat him for what he is. A kid. And for the most part, he's great to have around— he's kind, easily fascinated [thus easily entertained], and genuinely seems to want to help those around him without expecting anything in return. It's an enjoyment to what, in your terms, would be similar to babysitting the lil robo boy, even to the point you might go to Idia asking if it's okay to take him off his hands to do something. What once was an occasional thing slowly started becoming routine. While it's easy to treat him like any other kid, there are some benefits you get to reap having him being some sort of "friend," like him helping you with the bit of school work you might have [his searching functions are so much better than trying to use some textbooks that probably are growing something].

Well, it's all great until his little brother tendencies get out of hand. Overtly clingy and easily jealous of anything that can take your attention away. Trying to read? Sorry, Ortho wants to play; you'll help him with this techno thing he found. Right? He reaalllly wants to do it together, please? Your other dorm friends come to hang out? But you said you'd spend the day with him [even though you're pretty sure you didn't], and he has a hard time fitting in when you all hang out… didn't you say you'd take him to the amusement park after Idia got too nervous about going?

The grip he has with his arms around yours is starting to hurt, bone-crushing and cutting off the circulation to your hand… it's hard to not give in to him just to get him to loosen up. The grin he has when you agree, noting you'll let the others know you can make it results in a fractured smile. You know he doesn't mean any harm, and you are genuine with that sentiment. He doesn't know how crushing his grip can't get or that you don't want to play babysitter 25/8. That as much as you like spending time with Ortho, it's the same as others— you can't really be "friends" in a traditional way and sometimes want to connect with others your own age. It gets to the point though Ortho doesn't see this as a friendship. No, you're more like another sibling to him, right. One who can do all the others sibling things, Idia cannot deal with his own issues-- you aren't replacing Idia in his life but adding onto the experience. And now you have a family here, which makes it much less isolating than when you just have friends. There isn't a reason to try to find a way home now; you have one with your new brother. Ortho likely doesn't even know his actions are manipulative or isolating; he's just a very needy kid who lacks motivation beyond wanting a connection with someone. Anyone. But it's hard to bring up these issues with someone so young, who, when you do, barely can understand and, when pushed as you've been warned, can do severe damage from facing these "big emotions" like rejection. Being robotic and so powerful doesn't mix well with the feelings of a small child; these fears only experienced with Idia being in what was considered danger before but have grown to include you. More than just danger now, too; it's jealousy, it's rejection, it's anxieties.

Before you know it, you're pretty much completely isolated. Ortho is so, so happy to have a new friend, and over time, you've gotta pretty close with Idia as Ortho loves dragging you to spend the day with him too. It's gotten to the point where updates and equipment for Ortho can only be done if he knows your nearby as well. It's comforting to have his… psudeosibling… best friend there when he's done. And as you sit there weeping at how much of a mess it's become, Ortho will be there to comfort you— he doesn't understand why you're upset, but it's his duty to make you feel better, and he'll go as far as he can't to bring back those happy days spent with him. This time Idia can really be involved… don't cry anymore. You have the two of them to make it all better. Right?

Also, things get really bad; Ortho tries to play matchmaker with you and Idia. Make the sibling thing official. That creates a whole different mess. This could go two ways depending on if Idia is also Yandere, but I also think it's funny to explore an Idia who has no interest in you romantically, but little yan Ortho just wants you to be officially connected to him. Not just some weird babysitter-friend but family! Official family, then you really wouldn't be able to shake him from your life. Of course, all of that is suited to a different post.

#twst.leaps #yandere #yandere fanfiction #yandere x reader #yandere character #yandere writing #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere ortho #yandere ignihyde #tw: yandere #if I see even one person misinterpret that this is not platonic I am burning this site down #yandere headcanons

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sakshishah12 · 2 years

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4 Important Things You Need To Know About Negative Thoughts

What is the Meaning of Negative Thinking?

“A negative thought can never give you a positive result”

Having negative thoughts and emotions which instead of boosting your morale, makes you dwell in underconfidence- is the major effect of negative thinking. Negative self-talk is an inner dialogue you have with yourself that could result in limiting your capability to believe in yourself and your own abilities and to reach your full potential.

1) What are the Causes of Negative Thinking/ What can Cause Such Thoughts to Occur?

Some of the causes of negative self-talk can be the symptoms of common cold, exhaustion, stress, hunger, and sleep deprivation. In many cases, depression can be caused by negative thinking, itself. Negative thinking disorders can also cause anxiety and depression too

2) What are the Effects of these Discouraging Thoughts?

Gloomy outlooks contribute to low self-worth and insecurities. It makes you feel as if you’re not effective in the world. Psychologists link negative thinking to depression, anxiety, chronic worry, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as well. This evil has a great impact on the human brain too as researchers have inquired that negative thinking could increase the risk of dementia.

3) Top 10 Types and Examples of Negative Thoughts

Overgeneralization

Taking one negative event or detail about a situation and making it a universal pattern makes it true about your whole life.

For example “I have received such low marks in my physics test, I can’t do anything right!”

Labeling

It is when you put a negative criticism on yourself or someone else denying you of seeing what truly is behind that tag of yours.

“I am not good at either academics or sports, I am such a loser” or “I didn’t have anything to say in that conversation. I’m totally uninteresting!

Emotional reasoning

This negative thinking disorder is when you have a belief in something and presume it to be a true fact.

For example, having a sense of loneliness and absurdly concluding it with the thought of “ No one wants to be with me because I am lonely”

Fortune telling

Predicting that every situation would turn out negatively deprives you of enjoying the moment, and increases the chances of that event ending on a bad note.

Like thinking “If I ask that person for help they’ll deny it, and I will be embarrassed!” “I don’t wanna go to the part it will end being boring and wreckless”

Overlooking the positive

Taking any positive aspect of your day and pondering about is so immorally that it minimizes the positive aspect to its least. It discounts any evidence against our negative view of ourselves or our situation.

For example, I did well on that one quiz, but I just got lucky.

Predicting minds

A negative thinking pattern where you tend to assume what the other person could be thinking- concerning you- presuming it to be a poor comment.

“I don’t think this person is paying attention to what I am saying, she does not even care!”

For booking a session, here’s where your search ends Mental Health Services

Catastrophizing

Have you ever thought “If I do not get into this college I will die of embarrassment”?

Then you might be suffering from catastrophizing types of negative self-talk. It is when you take a problem and blow it out of proportion.

Mental filter

Focusing only on the one negative while camouflaging the other hundreds of positives.

For example, focusing on that one negative comment when the teacher has left you many more improvements and bless full comments.

Personalization

This kind of negative thought anxiety includes a sense of blaming yourself in every situation. Felling a need to make everything about you- in a negative way.

Having thought of “The time I got tripped over, everyone would be laughing at me for that. I know”.

Imperatives

Pondering on what is expected by you while using terms such as “shoulds” and “musts”.

For example “I shouldn’t feel anxious while giving a presentation in front of the class”

“Once you replace your negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll regain your faith in this colorful magnificent world”

4) How to Stop Bad Thoughts in your head? What can be Done to Avoid or End these Useless Negative Notions?

For replacing your bad emotions with good ones first you need to know how you feel. It is tested that sometimes you don’t even know if you are sinking into the black hole. An easy way to identify your negative thoughts is to-wherever placing an opinion or judgment about any notion-, take a moment and think, does it make you decline towards sadness, negativity, or misery? After all, these are your emotions, they should be used in power by you, not against you!

Here are some ways to make yourself feel better

They are “just” thoughts! Do not make them facts: Whenever having negative self-talk, remember, that picturing some unfavorable images does not make them true! The purpose of thoughts is to make your eyes satisfied by what you see, hence by the human ability you form your own opinions. Telling yourself positive reviews is the way to go about it. Filling your self-created negativity inside of you is just like digging one’s own grave.

Focus on what you are feeling right now: If you’re sad, feel the sadness. But don’t let yourself think that you are always going to feel that way. These sad emotions pass away until you dint linger on them making them your reality.

Do something nice for yourself: Find happiness in the little things Or you could find something that makes you laugh

Sleep well. Eat well. Be active: The kinder you are to your body, the easier it is to feel more positivity indie of you.

Take time to count your blessings: There are so many things for each of us to be grateful for. What’s one thing you appreciate?

Become a little social: This is just a fancy way of saying “create the kind of community you want.” Enjoy some time with family and friends. Find a faith community that works for you. Join a team or club. Take up a new hobby.

The lists of negative thoughts won’t matter once you understand what Negative affectivity is. And Negative thinking disorder therapy enables you to work on controlling your unfavorable emotions and finding happiness in little things

Do you know what online counseling actually means and how it works? To know click here

Do visit the GoodLives website to learn about Negative thinking and other topics related to mental health.

#negative thoughts #negative #mental health #mentalheathawareness #mental heath support #social anxiety #depression and anxiety #panic attack #self love

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fanfic-gallery · 2 years

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More touch, less talk [NSFW MDNI]

✎ Zhongli x Reader

✎ It was a fair exchange, his time for your money. Your hands never wondered, you kept to yourself.. yet he wanted something more than a shoulder for him to lean on..

✎ Tags: f! reader, modern au, sugar baby x sugar mama dynamic, friends to lovers

✎ CW: smut, porn with plot, dom! reader, sub! zhongli, panty stealing, secretly filming, pillow humping, thigh riding, dacryphilia, mommy kink, mistress kink

: ̗̀➛ Manager's/Author's note: Imma say it again.. minors do not interact! This is not a drill- the tameness of this is in the negatives, I repeat, minors do not interact- also this is my first time ever writing smut sooo, please don’t kill me in the comments-

“You really need to get a job, man- I can’t be paying for you for like, I don’t know, everything??”

Those words swirled his mind as Zhongli strolled his way through the bustling street. He was on a site that his roommate had recommended for his broke ass to make some easy cash without much effort, all he needed was his pretty face and cha-ching, dollar bills right on his front door step.

He was curious yet a bit skeptical but with the constant boasting of the hard stacks his friend has been earning from his “donor” just by smiling prettily, he had to see what the hype was about. And boy, did it deliver. He didn’t know he was getting a beauty alongside his many earnings. His pretty mistress, one of the many tops in her company, fully loaded, generous too.

“All you have to do is, spend time with me~ no need to act like my baby boy, just be yourself, like we’re just friends!”

He stared, flabbergasted. Ajax had told him the many stories of his “donor” doing the most ridiculous things with him [but of course he enjoys it] and Zhongli couldn’t help but feel concern flooding through his body. It was quite a surprise yet a real relief that his “donor” isn’t going to do anything to or even with him, but he can be a little defensive about it, can’t let his guard down after all, especially jobs like these.

But as time passes on, he was hoping for “it” to happen soon..

Every passing day he craved your affection more and more. Even the slightest touch of your fingers grazing his skin, sets his nerves on fire. Some days he throws quiet tantrums to have your attention, only to have you speak in soft tones every time and nothing else. He wanted your warmth enveloping him, he wanted you to squish him into an embrace. Just, TOUCH HIM, in SOME way-

He acts spoiled and bratty so you would put him in his place. Yet nothing. Only a disappointed smile and a verbal smacking are all he gets. He wanted you to throw him on your mattress and fuck him till tears were flowing like waterfalls, his lips trembling, not even a single word was hearable. He knows it’s wrong to wish that upon you, but who told you to be just that irresistible???

Friends, you said. No, he wanted more...

It started with just innocent photos of you in clothing that show more skin than he’s used to, like the many bikin shots he took when you brought him to the beach one summer. Now borderline excessive, taking short even long clips of you showering or heavy, breathy moans escaping from behind the doors to the master bedroom.

Panties every now and then missing from your wardrobe? They must have gotten lost during washing. Wait, why are your undergarments soaked even though they had been in the dryer for an hour now? Must have not been long enough. They have a lingering scent to them? Must be the detergent going sour.

Why is he doing this? Well, he hasn’t been caught yet, so why stop now?

Well, he can’t exactly say he hasn’t...

“Zhongli, I’m.. home.. what the fuck-.. ”

You mumbled under your breath, his gentle groans getting stuck in his throat as he continued to rolled his hips on the soft and fluffy pillow that still has your addictive scent, fiction growing, movements even faster with that shock gaze of yours on him.

“M-mistress, m-mo-mommy, pleaseee!”

His hand reaching before retracting as he flinch at the immense pleasure coursing through his veins. Puffs of warm exhaletes mixed with the drench of saliva filling the room. You stood there, stiff as a rock. He paused. Has he overstepped his boundaries? Did he take it too far?

“My, my, puppy.. you really don’t know what self-control is, huh? Does my pet need to remember who’s in charge here? Need me to put him in his place?”

You chuckled, hand swooping up your front strands of hair, pushing them back. Slowly but steady, walking towards the mess in front of you. Yes. Yes yes yes. This was the feeling he wanted, the adrenaline, the thrill of what you were gonna do to him, he doesn’t just wanna be a companion, he wants to be yours.

“Has mistress been neglecting too much, hm? Tell me puppy, what do you want from mommy?”

Fingers trailed his jaws, setting your chill palm against his burning cheek. Lusty eyes closed, snuggling closer into the embrace of your hand. You giggle again, drawing him closer, your faint perfume making his eyes slight roll under the layer of skin.

“Don’t keep quiet now.. if not, I won’t know what you want from me~”

He bit his lip, features flushed as ever. Without saying a word, he places a palm on your covered thigh, index drawing swirls and squiggles on the pair of trousers. You sigh, your smile never leaving your lips.

“You want to do something to my thigh? What is it darling, do you wanna ride it or eat me till I break?”

“Ride... ”

“Louder sweetheart~”

“Please.. let me ride.. you.. ”

“Please who?”

“Mistress.. ”

“Good little puppy~”

You lift yourself up despite your desperate the little pet gently pawing at you. You glance back down, the puffy eyes of his, gloss of his tears shining in the yellowish undertones of the room. His pearly skin exposed, large dress shirt doing nothing to cover up his clean, pale neck, collar and plush thighs.

“Do you want me to have them up?”

He shakes his head.

You peeled away your tight cloth draped over your lower half, teasing the already huffing Zhongli, begging and pleading you to hurry up with those innocent and pure golden pupils. Sitting back down, hand drawing towards his back, pulling him on, the feeling of his already flushed dick rubbing against your warm flesh.

“Someone’s a little too excited~”

He steams in embarrassment, but the leaking of pre from his hot, red tip says otherwise. Slender fingers hold onto your shoulders with a strong grip, unexpected from his figure and physique. Nice and slow, he started rocking back and forth. Your touch wandered, one hand treading through his pretty long locks, another holding his slim waist.

Face pulling in closer, lips touching before you push your palm further, smushing you both together. Tongues in a heated dance, both of you lost in the favour and taste of each other. Only pulling away with a string of saliva connecting your drenched lips as creamy and white fluids flowed down your thighs, messing up the sheets below you.

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rafescoke · 3 years

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Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

Request: The second one I was hoping could be a Rafe x reader based on the song why’d you only call me when you’re high by arctic monkeys. Maybe something along the lines of rafe only calling and giving the reader attention when he wants to hook up. Finally, the reader gets tired of it their feelings known.

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Reader finds herself thinking about a certain boy more than what they had agreed on

Warnings: Hella angst, mentions of sex, masterbating, substance, cursing, toxic relationship

A/N: I’ve been updating a new fic every single day and the amount of love you guys are returning is beyond amazing. I love you so much, thank you for all of your kind words <3

p.s, again, my request box is always open. drop in any ideas and i’ll present to you my best :)

p.p.s, does anyone know why i can’t tag some users? im going crazy.

“I was thinking. . .” Rafe trailed, drawing invisible circles against her soft skin. She hummed in response, her eyes closed, feeling so relaxed under the silk bedsheet wrapping around her body.

“We should do this often.”

“Is twice a day isn’t enough for you?” she asked, hiding her smile. She felt him shift, placing his arms around her waist and pulling her close against him. She giggled lightly, feeling him behind her, but she was too tired to do anything.

“We should try doing it every minute,” he simply replied, smelling into her scent. She smelt like vanilla and caramel, just the way he likes it. “Is this the perfume I bought?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, feeling so peaceful she could sleep if he hadn’t pulled her closer against his hardening member. She groaned, trying to scoot forward by an inch, but was stopped by his fingers gripping her hips.

“I’m sore.”

“I know,” he replied casually, still brushing against her bottom. Before he could do anything else she turned, now facing him. She looked at his handsome face, his blue eyes and his soft lips. Her thumb grazed over his top lip, and Rafe swore he could fuck her anytime soon if she kept doing that.

“Are you not tired?” she asked, now cupping his face. He stared into her eyes, feeling himself getting lost in them before giving her a smile.

“No.”

“You’re mental,” she sighed, but she failed to contain her laugh after. She giggled, still cupping his face, and she has never felt so calm and relax before. Just them two, on top of a bed in some cheap motel, sometimes hearing the couple staying on top of them screaming at each other.

“Are you?” he continued, tilting his head into her hands. She smiled when he closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth radiating from her. He loves it. He feels at peace.

(Y/N) sighed, loving yet also hating these kind of moments where she knew they would be acting like strangers after, in front of everyone else. She remembered the exact day after she had had sex with him for the first time, and how he acted so cold afterwards.

“Hey,” (Y/N) smiled, standing beside his form as he squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight to inspect his goal. He didn’t reply, swinging his golf club upwards and hit the golf ball. (Y/N) watched as it flew and landed near the goal, and expressed a smile.

“You’re good.”

“Huh?” he looked up to her, as if just noticed her existence. (Y/N) felt a pang of hurt across her heart, especially when he had just whispered so many love words into her ear the night before.

“I said you’re good.”

“Oh, thanks,” he muttered, already making his way back to where his friends were. Clearly not satisfied, she followed him suit, watching as his friends cheered for him. Rafe groaned even harder, and turned to look at her before they got too close to his friends.

“What are you fucking doing here?” he scolded, his eyes staring at a space beside her. (Y/N) raised a brow, being caught off guard, but she tried to play it cool.

“I’m a member of this country club too, Rafe,” she replied, scoffing. “You’re an asshole, do you know that? Are we not going to talk about last ni-”

“Shut up,” he grunted, looking backwards to check on his friends before pulling her a few distance away. “Look, I was on drugs last night. That was not me. Let it go, okay?”

(Y/N) has never experienced that kind of disrespect, and she swore she hated Rafe Cameron so bad that when she got home, she cried against her pillows until the night sky greeted her.

She thought about the many other guys who tried to be with her, but she had pushed them all away for a certain rich boy living 6 houses away from her. The fact that her parents are good friends with Ward and Rose Cameron doesn’t make it any easier, not when she is forced to see him every single Saturday night for ‘barbecue night’.

“What are you thinking?” he suddenly spoke, interrupting her thoughts. She sighed, suddenly scooting away from him. He watched as she turned away, but he didn’t put much thoughts into it.

“I can still smell the weed from you,” she suddenly said, and Rafe let out a laugh. He rubbed his eyes, hating the fact that they are going to repeat the same topic they have fought countless of times before, especially after sex and they had both came down from the high.

“Don’t start, (Y/N), fuck,” he sighed, covering his face with his large hands. He watched as she scooted further, wrapping the covers around her body. “Can you please just lay right next to me?”

“I want to sleep,” she replied, and bit her lips before she could express any tears. Rafe sighed, groaning, and sat up straight, resting on the edge of the bed before reaching for his jeans discarded on the corner of the room.

“I’m leaving,” he said, and (Y/N) heard the metal bar of his belt clanking against his jeans button. “Since you wanna act like a bitch again.”

“You’re an asshole,” she replied, still not looking at him. A tear rolled down her cheeks before she could stop herself, and she quickly wiped them away.

“Whatever,” he said, and she heard the door slammed shut. She cursed, unable to stop her tears now that she was alone. The banter between the husband and wife from the room above filled the silence as (Y/N) sobbed against the pillow and she thought about how it resembled her and Rafe’s relationship so much.

He would call her when he’s under the influence, whispering sweet-nothings through the phone, saying how much he’s missing her and longing for her forehead kisses. The fight they had before the phone call will immediately evaporate into thin air, and (Y/N) will make her way to wherever Rafe is. Sometimes they’ll do it in the car in a secluded alley or sometimes in the cheap motel at Chapel Hill.

But then it was the moments after their brief meeting that had her all moody and depress throughout the week; how he would ignore her, pretending not to see her and forcing himself to say ‘hi’ during their family barbecue.

(Y/N) never thought of herself as someone who’s prone to being in a sneaky relationship, but if that what it takes to be with Rafe Cameron, she was willing to be in one.

It had been a week since the incidence, and Rafe hadn’t call her to meet or anything of the sort. (Y/N) frowned when she thought of this, because the longest fight they had before only lasted for 2 days before he rang her up, asking to meet up.

(Y/N) shook her head, sipping on her martini before setting it on the side of the swimming pool. She dived into the water, trying to get the heat from the scorching sun off of her, and resurfaced seconds after, her wet hair falling down her shoulders.

“(Y/N), where’s dad?” Topper appeared, squatting in front of her as she took another sip on the martini. Her eyes fell to the figure behind her brother, and she almost choked on the liquid.

“Um, I don’t know,” (Y/N) replied, staring at Rafe Cameron as he took out his phone to check on his messages, ignoring her like always. She rolled her eyes at this, knowing that there were no new texts and he was just trying to act like she wasn’t there. She dived into the water again and swam to the other side, away from Rafe and his negative energy.

If Rafe knew she was going to be in the swimming pool, he would have made an excuse to Topper, perhaps saying how he has to take Wheezie to the clinic for an appointment. (Y/N) was almost never home every time he hang out with Topper, so he thought he was safe. But there she was; in the most tempting bikini, swimming and constantly sipping on a martini.

Rafe sat right next to Topper, watching her back from the corners of his eyes as she gazed at the view in front of her. She was laying on her arms, lazily humming to a rock song Rafe plays every time he’s driving.

He jolted when Topper touched his hand.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Topper laughed, “I said, do you wanna eat?”

“I’m okay,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and thinking about good she looked in that bikini. He made a mental note to guess the brand to purchase more of that sort for her.

“Okay, I’m going in to get myself some food. Are you sure you don’t want any food?” Topper asked, sitting on the edge of the seat. Rafe nodded, his eyes still closed, and heard him walking towards the sliding door into the kitchen.

“Why are you ignoring me?”

Rafe opened his eyes, and to his satisfaction, the girl with the (H/C) locks stared at him with her face rested against her arms. His breath hitched, seeing how beautiful she was with the chlorine water dripping from her face, down to her neck, continuing to her che-

“God, you’re a fucking asshole,” she suddenly said, and Rafe had to shook his head from the involuntary thought that appeared in his mind. He groaned, watching as she dived in the water again, and almost catching a glimpse of her bottom. He smiled.

“Are you still a bitch?” he asked when she resurfaced, crossing his arms. “Because if you are, I don’t feel like fucking you right here and right now.”

(Y/N) halted her movements as she tried her best not to look at the smirking boy, and instead staring into the swimming pool as if there was something interesting in it. Rafe laughed, knowing exactly the impact of his words towards her, and thought about wanting to have a little more fun with her.

“I’m asking, baby,” he said softly, and her eyes landed on his. “Are you still a bitch?”

“I brought cookies!” Topper suddenly yelled, appearing from the sliding door and walking towards them with a bright smile. Rafe cursed, laying his back against the seat again and pretending to close his eyes while (Y/N) dived underwater, trying to hide her red face. He was glad when Topper handed him a cookie, talking about wanting to surf tomorrow - so oblivious towards the sexual tension between him and his own twin.

“What do you think?” Topper asked, munching on the cookies all the while trying to see Rafe’s reaction. Rafe nodded, muttering his agreement, but under his sunglasses, he was watching (Y/N) and she too, was watching him.

“Can I have a cookie, Tops?” (Y/N) suddenly interrupted, and without looking at her, Topper gave her a thumbs up sign. (Y/N) smiled, pulling herself up from the pool and Rafe almost had a heart attack from the sight of her curves donning the bikini and the water dripping off of her.

She walked towards them, hair swept to her left shoulder, and Rafe’s gaze followed her fingers as she grabbed a cookie and immediately putting it in her mouth. He watched as she closed her eyes, enjoying the sweet taste, all the while sitting under the glowing sun that highlighted her features even more.

He could feel himself getting harder.

“Well,” (Y/N) suddenly said, and Rafe had realized he was too busy looking at her to realize that she was already conversing with Topper. “I’ll go. Is Rafe coming too?”

Both of the siblings’ attention fell towards him, and Rafe found himself clearing his throat before he spoke.

“I’m sorry, where are we?”

“Man, are you sure you’re okay?” Topper asked, removing his sunglasses to look at him clearly. “Do you need water?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Rafe quickly added, “Can I, um, go up to your room? I think I need a nap.”

“Yeah, okay,” Topper replied, not thinking much of it. They had been spending so much time under the sun during the summer, he wouldn’t be surprised if one of them got sick. “I’ll go upstairs in a second.”

He muttered a thanks, quickly making his way to the top of the house, where Topper stayed. He groaned, feeling himself getting harder, and hating the fact that she was most probably liking the way he was reacting.

He locked the door of the bathroom he has been using since the first day he became friends with Topper, watching himself in the mirror. He closed his eyes while he tried to picture her in his mind, his fingers trying their best to untie the knot of the band of his swimming shorts.

He held himself in the palm of his hands as he pictured her again, this time with her under him. He started sliding his palm over his hardened member, his other hand safely placed on the sink for balance. He thought of the way she’ll bounce on him when she rides him, and bit his lips before he could let out any sounds.

Fuck.

He hated how easy she’ll make him hard and how she has him wrapped around her finger. It was true how they would only do the unholy thing when he was under the influence or they were both under the influence, but he couldn’t deny the unsettling feeling in his stomach every time he saw her.

“Fuck,” he expressed, his grip on the sink tightening. His movements became faster as he tried to picture her mouth and around him, and felt his end coming. He left a string of curses as he finally released himself, watching the shot dripping off the sides of the sink. He grunted, having to do more work, and grabbed himself the white tissues before wiping his mess.

. . .

“Hey.”

“Hey, Rafe,” (Y/N) said, trying to maintain her normal tone. She bit her lips at the sound of his heavy breathing, missing his voice and also his handsome face. She longed to have his face in her hands again, staring at each other’s eyes and kissing each other’s lips right after.

“Can you come over?” he asked, his voice slurring. “No, I mean, can I pick you up?” The sound of laughter and booming music could be heard behind him, giving out his location. (Y/N) sighed, knowing the exact request behind the words, and looked at her wall to check on the time.

“It’s 12 a.m., my mom won’t allow me to go out.”

“Sneak out, then,” Rafe replied, and he said something to his friends before focusing back on her. “Please? I missed you.”

(Y/N) sighed, knowing exactly her problem.

This.

“Okay,” she replied, leaning over her mattress to close her laptop now that she had new plans for the night. “What time are you picking me up?”

“I can’t drive right now,” he said, suddenly realizing how sloshed he was. “Can you come and pick me up, please?”

She sighed again, but she had missed him so much. Him and his touches. His and his words.

Him.

“Okay, send me your location, okay? I’ll pick you up.”

(Y/N) thought about how she couldn’t do it anymore. Not when she has spent most of her life trying to make him love her. He had been friends with her brother since forever, but yet he never seemed to settle on her. She heard about the amount of girls he dated and how she tried to become like them, but after a while, she grew bored of it. She was tired of running after someone who doesn’t want to be caught.

Until the night at the party, where they had been smoking and doing coke and god knows what else. (Y/N) had watched him from the corners of her eyes, liking how attractive he looked under the party lights. He was in a black shirt, his hair messily parted, a cigarette loosely hanging from his lips.

“Thornton, do you know how perfect your smile is?” he asked, leaning towards her. (Y/N) giggled, her back against the wall as she stared into his eyes.

“You’re mistaking me for my brother, Rafe?” she asked, with that smile again. Rafe licked his lips, looking down to hers before leaning closer to whisper into her ear.

“I’ve got to confess, (Y/N),” he whispered, sending shivers down to her spine. “You’re the hottest sibling.”

When she woke up the next day, laying right next to Rafe Cameron, she had to pinch herself a few times to make sure that she was living in reality, but when she tried to approach him that evening on the golf course, it was like nothing happened that night.

It scarred her until he rang her up again, six days after.

“Rafe,” (Y/N) sighed, leaning over to open the passenger’s door from her seat, seeing how drunk he was. Rafe giggled, getting himself in before shutting the door and staring at her. He leaned towards her and placed a sloppy kiss against her cheeks, down to her neck and stopped directly before her chest.

“Just park in the back,” he ordered, placing his palm on the upper side of her thigh, too close to her heat. She bit her lips as she turned her steering wheel, entering the back alley of the club. Soon after he had texted her his location, she sneaked out through her brother’s porch and stole his car, driving straight towards Rafe.

She turned the ignition off and looked at him, watching as he unbuttoned his shirt slowly, groaning when he missed one button. He tried to reach for her, but she pushed his hand away, her face expressing into anger.

“Don’t pull this shit again, fuck,” Rafe sighed, throwing his head back against the seat and covering his face with his hands. (Y/N) caught a glimpse of a gold ring, and noticed how it looked so similar to hers hanging around her neck.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said, filling the silence. Rafe let out a shrill laugh, still closing his eyes.

“Still a bitch, I guess.”

“This is the problem, Rafe!” she groaned, causing Rafe to look at her fully in the face when he noticed her increasing volume. “What are we?”

“What do you want to hear?” he simply said, staring at her with empty eyes. He licked his lips, “No, seriously. Tell me the answer, and I’ll say it.”

How cold could he be?

“Rafe, do you see how you’re treating me?” she asked, and she could feel her tears threatening to fall. “Do you realize the difference between sober Rafe and intoxicated Rafe?”

Of course he knew. He just chose to ignore it.

“I can’t do this right now,” Rafe said, putting his hands up in defeat. “Can we just fuck, get over whatever fight we’re having right now, and live our best lives the next day? Can we do that?”

He turned to look at her, and noticed her glassy eyes. He sighed, trying to cup her face, but she flinched at his touch.

“You make me feel like a whore,” she whispered, her lips trembling. “One second you love me, the next second you’re spitting on me.”

He just had the worst night of his life; having a fight with Ward about his business, bumping onto the pogues, catching Sarah and John B. . . and now this?

“You think too much,” he said, but his heartbeat was quickening. He stole a glance at her and watched as she stared at him with empty eyes. “I’m sober now. You know what, (Y/N)? You’re right. I can’t even look at you when I’m not under the influence.”

He turned to open the door, getting out while buttoning his shirt back, not wanting to look at her. He couldn’t stand it, he knew he’ll be too broken if he sees her cry over him. He didn’t know what to do; he panicked, never preparing for this exact moment where he knew she will ask about the state of their relationship.

He watched as she sped away from the alley, her engine roaring against the silence of that particular Friday night, where his day had been nothing but miserable. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to contain his feelings, but before he knew it, he had kicked on the empty beer can on the side of the road, watching its movement as it hit the opposite wall and fell into the trash can.

He laughed at the strange occurrence, his tears slowly rolling down his cheeks and made his way back to the club.

If there’s one thing he’s so sure about himself; Rafe Cameron hates himself more than anyone else in the world.

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#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron smuts #rafe x reader #drew starkey #drew starkey imagines #drew starkey x reader #outerbanks #outerbanks imagines #outerbanks x reader #outer banks

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undyingskies · 3 years

Text

Big Bear

request: no

a/n: i hope you guys like this one, i truthfully have no idea how i feel about it but that is okay. i just had the idea and finally found some motivation to write so i did.

Quick reminder too, i have my request closed for the time being as i am struggling a bit with writers block and motivation! i have my inbox open to be able to still talk and interact with everyone but i am hoping to shave down my request list a little more before i open it up again! i hope everyone understands, i should have it open by the end of this upcoming week!

warnings: none

tagged: @mah-gah-lee

word count: 2.7k

_________________________________________________

Come with us to Big Bear they said, it will be fun they said.

And it was fun in the beginning, when you guys first got to the mountain. The day started off with everyone joking around and shot gunning a few drinks. Your small group of friends, meeting other small groups of friends. It was fun.

But then, the snowboarding began. And they were wrong, it was not fun anymore. It may have been fun to watch the mess you were trying to snowboard down the mountain but instead of making it down the mountain you just ended up face down in the snow.

Either way, it wasn’t fun for you. But everyone was getting a good laugh at you.

“Come on Y/N, let’s go up one more time!”

You look at your friend, giving them the most pointed eye you could muster. All of them laughing at your look.

“No. Not happening.”

“Come on please! This could be your lucky slope, besides we’re getting lunch after.”

You let the idea roll around in your head, trying to pin point the positive and negatives of going again. While there were many negatives, at this point you’ve fallen enough, what is one more time you think.

“Fine, I’ll go.” The frustration evident coming from you.

“Yes! Atta girl, let’s get going then.” With that your hand is in your friends and they are pulling you up onto your feet.

You trudge behind them, making your way to the lift. You and your friends are just alone waiting for your turn, listening to the laughter of the group in front of you.

“Dude all I’m saying is it’s weird that you’re wearing a mask with hulu girls on it when we’re in the snow!” The loud voice of the guy in front of you making both you and your friends giggle.

Your giggles getting the attention of the boys and girl in front of you. Their eyes all on you. Your giggling immediately stops, but escapes again when you see the mask in question.

“See dude! Even they agree!” The boy laughs at his friends. “I told you it’s a weird mask!”

“It is not, I got it in Hawaii! I thought it was fun!” The one boy whines out, taking being the brunt of the joke well though.

“I don’t think it’s as fun as you think, how about you ask miss giggles over there!” The same male voice says again, causing your eyes to widen. You weren’t ready to be put on the spot.

They all stare at you for a few seconds, you’re still in shock at their attention.

“Well?” The boy with the mask asks.

“I mean it’s not, not fun; but it also looks like one of my grandpa’s shirts.” You confess, your words making everyone laugh.

“See dude!”

“That’s not fair!”

“It totally looks like a grandpa shirt!”

The group of friends all begin saying at the same time, laughing at the truth your words held. The boy in the mask looks at you and says “thanks a lot.”

You smile at his words and interject back, “You wanted the strangers opinion.” Now the both of you laugh as well.

The time you had to wait for the lift went by quickly due to your interactions with the group in front of you. They hop on the lift in front of you and you can still hear their laughter as you make your way up the hill.

You can feel your nerves set in as you get closer to hopping off the lift, you would much rather not fall flat on your face this time around.

You start hyping yourself up in your head, “you got this Y/N. You can do it.” The hyping up seems to work as you feel your nerves start to diminish.

Then it’s your turn to hop off, your friend looking over at you smiling.

“Ready Y/N?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

And with that your board has hit the fresh snow and you’re lunging yourself off the seat.

You’re able to steady yourself as you’re going down the hill, you’re able to slice back and forth through the snow.

You can feel the smile make its way onto your face, and your laughter leave you. It felt so good to make your way down the mountain. You could hear your friends behind you, wooing in excitement.

All of you got excited too soon, because just as you were about to make it to the bottom of the mountain, something happened and you felt your feet fly into the air.

Next thing you know you’re face first in the snow. Again.

You just continue to lay there, face first in the snow, not wanting to move yet. Just letting whatever emotion you were feeling in this moment settle in you.

You can hear another board ride up next to you and stop when it reached your body. Neither of you say a word, instead a hand starts to poke your back.

You groan. “Just leave me here to die Y/F/N. Let the cold snow, swallow me up.”

A laugh leaves the body above you, it definitely didn’t belong to your friend. First of all it belonged to a man.

You immediately pick your head up and look at the person in front of you.

“Oh look it’s mask boy again.” Then you let your face plop back into the snow, not wanting to face the embarrassment in front of a stranger.

“Oh come on, let me help you up.” The boy is laughing again, reaching out to grab your hand to pull you up.

You look up again at the boy, this time letting him help you up.

Once you’re back on your feet, you’re wiping the snow off the front of your body. The boy and you both just letting the silence overtake you.

“Well, thanks mask boy.” You say awkwardly, not knowing what to do anymore.

The boy chuckles at your words. “I have a name you know, as much as I love the nickname.”

You point your eyes at the boy again, not understanding what he’s getting at.

“It’s Charlie.” As he speaks, he puts his hand out to let you shake. You take his hand in yours.

“Y/N.” As you say your name the boy takes his hand back and goes to move the goggles that covered his eyes and the mask that covered his face off.

You feel your breath hitch in your throat at the sight of the boy, you had just made fun of minutes before. He has to be the most handsome guy, you had ever set your eyes on.

You feel your cheeks heat up with embarrassment for a number of reasons. You’re just awkwardly standing there with your mouth slightly agape, your words getting lost in your throat.

“You okay Y/N?” You just heard your name leave his mouth but you never wanted it to end. A chuckle leaves his lips at the sight in front of him.

“Uh ya, super.” You say, now removing your own goggles and mask, needing the fresh air. “I, uhh, I am sorry about earlier I didn’t mean to poke fun at you in front of your friends.”

What you didn’t know is that, Charlie’s heart skipped a beat at the first real sight of your face. The color swirling in your eyes, the pink tint on your cheeks, and the smile on your face all had him holding his breath in.

A similar pink tint making its way onto his cheeks.

“It’s not a problem, Y/N. It was funny anyways.” He admits.

“So you’re okay? That did seem like a solid fall!” Your cheeks flushing a deeper red at his words.

“Wasn’t the first time today,” you laugh, “besides that one didn’t hurt as bad as the others.”

His face falls at your words.

“Oh no,” you laugh at the look on his face, “I have like two left feet, I’m fine!”

You try to convince him, but it doesn’t look like he’s buying it. Which could be because of the strained look on your face due to the pounding in your head.

“Fine, I have a headache.” You admit just because of the look on his face. It was intimidating but once you admitted it a chuckle left him.

“That wasn’t hard to get that out of you.” You shrug your shoulders, it really wasn’t. “If you want to come with me inside, I’ll get you something to drink and some medicine.”

As nice as his offer sounds, you can’t help but be hesitant.

“How don’t I know this isn’t some ploy to get me alone and kill me?” A loud chuckle leaves him.

“That is a fair point Y/N, but would a guy with a grandpa shirt as a mask really be able to pull something like that off?”

This time you’re the one laughing loudly.

“Also a fair point Charlie.” He smiles as your words.

He reaches his hand out to you. You look at his hand then back up at him a few times.

“With your two left feet, you’re going to need some help getting to the bottom.”

You roll your eyes at his words and take his hand with a huff, letting him lead you down the rest of the mountain. This time you don’t fall.

“How are you so good at this?” You let the words leave your mouth before you can think about it. He chuckles at how blatant you are.

“I’m actually from Canada so snow boarding was a common activity in my life.”

“Oh cool.”

The both of you reach the bottom of the mountain, you except him to drop your hand but he doesn’t.

He continues to lead you to inside the resort. You pass your friends as he pulls you inside, all of them looking at you with shocked faces and giving you thumbs up.

They had witnessed the whole event from the bottom of the mountain and were in shock at the handsome boy once they caught sight of him.

You laugh quietly at their antics. Charlie looks back at you after hearing your laughter but just smiles at you.

He continues to lead you inside until he is pushing you to sit in a chair and leaves you alone with a, “one second.”

As you sit alone, you take the rest of the bulky snow clothes off. The heat from the resort making it impossible to sit in the warm clothing.

Charlie comes back up to you smiling, giving you a once over, until he is pulled back to reality and handing you the pain killers and a water bottle.

You take them from his hand gratefully. As you swallow down the pills, he goes to sit in the chair next to you following your lead of stripping of the bulky clothes.

You feel yourself gulp a little harder as he is just left in a tight long sleeve and pulling his beanie off to run his hand through his brunette hair before pulling it back on.

He was a sight to see.

He catches you staring and smiles at you. His heart skipping another beat.

“So Y/N, what possessed you to snowboard with two left feet?” The both of you laugh at his words.

“Well first of all I didn’t know I had two left feet before I got here today and second of all my friends thought it would be a fun get away for the weekend.” The two sit in silence just smiling at one another before you break it, “what brought you here?”

“Oh, uh, kind of the same thing! My friends thought it would be fun to come up here for the weekend and I’ll never turn down an adventure.”

From there your conversation explodes. Neither of you wanting it to end. It was nice getting to know each other, with every word your interest for one another growing.

The only thing that pulls you from the conversation is the darkness taking over the sky and your phone buzzing from texts from your friends asking you where you were and demanding to know what was happening with the “cute boy who watched you fall on your face.” Their words not yours.

You quickly shoot them a text back letting them know you’d leave now and would fill them in with details once you get back to the cabin.

“It looks like I’ve got to go, but it was nice meeting you Charlie” You smile, while standing on your feet. Charlie’s face falls at your words but follows your lead as he stands up and looks at his watch. Sighing at the time, it was getting late.

“Would it be okay if I walked you back to where ever you’re staying?” He pauses as you think about his offer, “It is dark outside and what kind of guy would I be if I let you go alone.”

“Another fair point, Charlie. I’d appreciate it actually.” He smiles at your words and grabs both of your snowboards even though you try to protest but he just shushes you.

It is honestly impressive how the boy was able to carry both boards under one arm, his muscles popping out. His free hand reaches out to yours and he entangles your fingers.

You just smile at him, as you begin to lead the way to where you were staying.

“So how long as you staying?” You ask him as you walk down the street that leads to your cabin.

“We’re here until Sunday, so two more days! You?”

“Oh, same!” The both of you smile at each other.

The last few feet to your cabin is just spent in silence. The both of you thinking the same things but too nervous to say anything.

You continue to lead him up to your cabin before you stop in front of your door. You just stand there as he sets your snowboard up against the wall and places his down so he can turn to look at you.

“Well, I’m glad I got to meet you today Y/N even if it began with you making fun of you!”

The heat returning to your cheeks.

“Hey! I apologized about that!” You whine out, him laughing.

“It’s totally fine!” This time he pauses and looks down at your hands which are still holding each other. “Do you think I could maybe get your number?” You can tell he is nervous due to his tone and his free hand moving to scratch the back of his neck.

“I think that you just maybe could.” A big smile makes its way onto his face, as he goes to grab his phone from his back pocket and handing it to you.

You quickly type your number into his phone and hand it back to him. He smiles at seeing your contact on his screen before he locks it and puts it back in his pocket.

“Well maybe I will see you around!” You say, dropping his hand and going to open the door. An awkward goodbye, but you couldn’t think of anything else.

It takes him a few seconds before he’s stopping you.

“Hey, wait!” You stop and turn to look at him, as he steps towards you. He leans in and the closer he gets has you holding your breath.

He places a kiss to your cheek, both of you smiling as he pulls away.

“I would like to see you again before we leave Y/N and after we leave too, if that’s alright.” You smile at his confession.

“I think we could manage that,” you lean in this time and press a kiss to his cheek, “just text me.”

Then you turn and walk into your cabin closing the door with the biggest smile on your face. Leaving Charlie with a similar smile and pink cheeks on the other side.

He laughs as he hears your friends yell at you before he walks away.

He spends the rest of the night smiling and texting you, excited to see you again. While you spend the night with a twin smile and your friends bombarding you with questions about the cute boy who had a grandpa shirt as a mask.

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie imagine #charlie x reader #charlie gillespie x oc #charlie gillespie x reader #charliegillespieimagines #charliegillespieimagine #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie headcanon #charlie gillespie one shot #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie fluff #charlie gillespie fic #julie and the phantoms #julieandthephantomsimagine #jatp

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writingindulgence · 3 years

Text

Illumi x F.Reader - Expectation

Pairing: Illumi x Female Reader

Story tags: Arranged marriage, typical Zoldyck behaviour, angst-ish, heavy manipulation, ILLUMI, unhealthy one-sided dependence : ) my guy just toxic

3,200+ words and why? I don’t even like the dude. Also, two points of view.

The sound of fancy porcelain tea cups clinking against the glass table is soothing, along with the warm rays shining on your face. Times like these are what you are thankful for. The smell of purposely picked flowers, arranged to please the eyes. Not the stench of trash dumped for the sole convenience of other countries. Colourful butterflies and bees, instead of flies and disease ridden rats. A home cooked meal ready for your consumption rather than scraps of rotting food that you more often than not nearly died for.

Kukuroo mountain is infinitely more beautiful compared to Meteor City.

“(Y/n) dear, it’s unbecoming of you to make noise with your tableware,” a powerful feminine voice chastates your mistake. The woman sitting opposite you is none other than Kikyo Zoldyck. Or as she forces you to call her, mother.

Your heart flutters in relief, an apologetic expression weaving onto your face. She must be in an agreeable mood since her fan hasn’t struck your hand. Sometimes you are let off with a warning if she spots a blunder on your part. Sometimes, she resorts to physical punishment. It always depends on whether or not a family member said anything to ruin her day. In fact, any matter concerning Killua will set her off in a positive or negative direction.

Just like Illumi whenever you bring up his younger brother.

“I apologise mother, I’m too excited because Illumi is returning,” you proceed to take a sip and this time around, gently settle the tea cup down.

A content hum comes from her direction, her visor flashing for a split second. “Oh (Y/n), you’ll make such a good wife one day.” She picks up a fork gracefully and stabs it into the cake she asked for from the family cook.

The compliment ignites a multitude of feelings in your chest. It spreads out, only one thought in your mind.

How immensely grateful and happy you are to hear it.

Many of your friends from when you were young, starved to death. Some were beaten up by other desperate residents. Others lost their will to fight, a state you threaded on a magnitude of times.

Being taken away by the mafia one day was what gave you back the spark, a life in the city no more out of your reach. Until you figured out what type of work they wanted to sell you and other kids for. Stories from the older girls back in Meteor City came rushing back.

Your bloodlust and instinct to survive are what happened to change your life for the better. Out of all the line-up of children, you were selected by the Zoldycks. Instead of being the pet of some old pervert, you found a home within the assassin family.

There were many times when you felt like giving up. When the training you went through was worse than simply dying. However, you promised yourself to never throw away the chance you received all those years back.

You were indebted to the Zoldycks.

Hearing words of encouragement from one of the people you looked up to the most brought tears to your eyes. You wiped them away with your thumb.

Mother is a role model to you. It helped when you found out that she originates from Meteor City too. In a sense, it is easier to place yourself in her shoes and strive to achieve what she did. Being an amazing assassin, wife and mother.

A sudden scraping of a chair brought you back to the presence, startling you into a defensive pose. The knife under your sundress clasped in your hand.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice Kalluto coming out from behind the bushes, his paper fan also ready for action.

“My Kil, what is he doing?! Quick, we have to stop him. Kalluto go call for Milluki right now!,” she orders shrilly before running into the mansion.

Without hesitation, you rush after her. It is expected of you. A nagging feeling in the back of your head also foreshadows that whatever is going on, it will have dire consequences if not stopped.

Killua is in the foyer, being kept idle by the servants. But not for long. You can see the irritation growing on his face, his muscles tensed.

You’ve known Killua since he was a baby, having been inducted as a future family member when mother was pregnant with him. There’s no doubt that if something wasn’t done, it would lead to a messy aftermath.

A few seconds after you make it inside, Milluki shows up and the servants are all dismissed.

“Kil, my little Kil, what’s wrong? Why did I hear that you’re leaving to take the Hunter’s Exam?,” mother’s voice is aghast, the idea of her favourite child abandoning the nest filling her with pain.

You too are taken aback at the news, a protective sensation coursing through you. Your fingers flex at your side.

“It’s boring here and I heard that the Exam is difficult so I’m going to test my skill,” he shrugs her worry off and spins his skateboard. Your heart begins to pound uncontrollably.

Hearing the disrespect, Milluki steps up and lashes out at Killua. “You brat, what’s with that arrogant attitude you-,”

“Stop that!,” mother’s voice sharply cuts him down.

She begins pleading with Killua to stay, her voice cracking multiple times. It pains you to watch someone you respect growing so desperate.

Killua is too young to understand what he’s putting the ones around him through. Of course, a rebellious phase is healthy-

A prickly discomfort surges through your head and you clutch it. Your unexpected movement grabs everyone’s attention. You try to brush it off, not wishing to be a burden.

It isn’t expected of you to be one.

“Killua, you should stay here. The world is a dangerous place,” your words try to reach him. “Illumi is coming home today, why don’t we-”,

“I don’t want him around! Just leave me alone,” he angrily interrupts. The air grows heavy. Heavier than it’s been since the beginning.

Mother gasps in shock at his behaviour since Killua never really yells at you. Yes, he gets annoyed as much as any other kid but when he shouts, he doesn’t really mean it.

It’s expected of you to coerce him into calming down.

“You’ve changed during the past few weeks (Y/n), after Illumi came back before leaving again. Anyway, I will kill you all if you try to stop me,” Killua promises in a cold voice, his blue eyes a piercing ice.

This rouses an onslaught of insults from Milluki and a mix of agony and happiness from mother.

However, you’re currently stuck in your own mind, reflecting on Killua’s comment. It is true that during the past three weeks you doted on him more than ever before. Usually you try to split your attention between him and Kalluto when you have free time. What changed?

Nothing should have changed, Killua is the priority of the family.

A high-pitched scream echoes around the foyer and your clouded head awakens. The sight in front of you freezes your blood and it takes immense strength not to bite your tongue.

Mother is kneeling down on the ground, her hands covering her bloody face. Before you can take a step, Milluki rages and charges at Killua. The young boy bounces back and proceeds to plunge the knife into his older brother. Milluki curses and grabs his wound.

On impulse, your hand is already equipped with a knife and you’re ready to protect yourself as well as mother Killua.

Killua mistakes your movements as an attack and strikes his own knife across your arm. A long gash appears on your skin, the blood seeping out moments later. You take in the pain as punishment. Punishment for letting it get this far and failing.

You’re a failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.

Taking the chance to escape, he kicks his skateboard up and runs out.

And you were helpless to stop him.

It’s been a while since Illumi has been back home on Kukuroo mountain, his previous mission requiring him to travel across multiple locations. The target was a cautious person so they moved from place to place, leaving lousy decoys. That did not impede Illumi at all, it was simply an inconvenience at worst.

After all, nervous-wrecks are the ones who put their emotions out on display. They are the first to slip up due to the fact that they care about others.

Which is concerning because Killua is at a stage where he is showing his rebellious streak more often. It is crucial that he can snuff it out before his dear brother falls further down the slope of idiotic fantasies . In which case, it is a slight relief that (Y/n) is here. She tries to keep Killua in check in a subtle way instead of hanging over his shoulder or perpetuating his moody behaviour.

Though the last time he visited there were hints of her growing soft and losing her devotion of raising Killua to be the next head of the family. He is ashamed to confess that it irked him to some degree. It’s expected of her to put her desires down for what he wants. And he wants Killua to be the next head.

Even so, he thought that he dealt with this the last time.

However, imagine the surprise he felt when his mother came wailing to him, begging him to follow her little Kil to the Hunter’s Exam. To think that instead of a joyful family reunion, the news of his stray younger brother reached his ears before anything else.

That won’t do.

Currently, it’s close to midnight which is the time (Y/n) comes to his room to say goodnight. Why she even bothers is beyond him. The effort of keeping up with formalities could be used for better activities. It’s already indisputable that they are arranged to marry in the future at the request of his parents, so there is no reason to be close together in any romantic sense.

In fact, Killua will succeed as the head which is why there is no point in thinking about his own future.

A sigh leaves his mouth.

There is only one positive outcome that came out of this whole arrangement. He has an extra set of eyes and he’s sure that she will listen to him without question. All he has to do is play into these formalities and she’s wrapped around his finger.

An affectionate hug here, a tiny smile there...Normally he’d be concerned that a future Zoldyck , even if not by blood, would be so easy to deceive. However, since every carefully planned step is coming from him he’s not surprised in the slightest.

It’s expected of (Y/n) to be loyal, just as much as it’s expected for Killua to take over the family business.

The wooden clock hanging opposite his bed strikes 12 but there is no sign of (Y/n). She never runs late.

The fact that she hadn’t even greeted him when he came back is also unusual. Normally she’d be pacing in front of the entrance door but today his mother took over that role. He heard that she got injured by Killua but (Y/n) has experienced worse so what’s the fuss?

It’s not his problem, he’ll just take a bath before bed. She’ll come running eventually.

Illumi’s right arm is beginning to grow numb. He hasn’t moved from the water in over an hour. Not because he needed a break to relax, taking time off for yourself is inefficient. No, he hasn’t moved because he’s been waiting for the familiar steps and hesitant knock to come from outside his room.

Discerning who someone is from the sound of their footsteps and how they carry themselves is second nature to any professional assassin. For instance, Milluki hovers in one spot when walking while Kalluto creates soft patters with his toes.

On the other hand, (Y/n) always shuffles her feet forward just before his door. It takes her approximately 2 seconds to knock when she’s unsure, 1 second when she’s in a normal mood and 0.5 whenever she has news deemed worthy enough for him to hear. Reading the mood of someone before they see you face to face is important.

Coming to terms with the fact that today she won’t pay him a visit, he steps out of the bathtub, water dripping down his naked body. He throws on a plain black bathrobe and leaves the bathroom. Giving his bed a quick-over, he walks out the door.

Guess it’s time for him to pay a visit instead.

If he actually bothers and gives it some thought, it’s not a mystery as to why he hasn’t even seen her shadow today. She’s ashamed. Ashamed of being a failure for letting Killua go.

Her scrambled mind is most likely trying to piece together what she should say. How she should ask for forgiveness and repent.

He wonders if she’s starving herself or if she’s contemplating about going to the self-confinement room.

Normally he’d push her into whatever she makes up but a stick approach by itself won’t be enough. There needs to be a push and pull factor involved if he wants her to listen to him unconditionally.

And what better way than to appear before her, disheveled and still wet in his robe? She’ll jump to conclusions.

Further guilt will set in, how she unnecessarily worried him by skipping the usual goodnight. His state will continue feeding her imagination, connecting unrelated dots to make her believe that he cares for her.

Truly, a puppet and its real master.

Soaking footprints follow behind him on the floor, the dim candlelight making them difficult to notice. He knocks once before letting himself in and shutting the door, back turned to the only other person inside.

A small gasp penetrates the silence and a rush of steps follow suit, stopping just behind him.

“Illumi, welcome back,” (Y/n) is the first to speak. He stays silent.

A nervous shuffle. “Is..everything okay?”.

The voice quietens downs the more she speaks. That should be enough for now.

He turns around and looks down at her concerned face, with no emotion of his own. Her eyes widen a fraction after registering his condition. Before she can open her mouth to question him further, Illumi crinkles his eyes and smiles.

“It’s nothing. I was just worried since I didn’t see you today,” he gazes away, giving her enough time to fix her expression. It’ll be harder for him to get her to open up if she thinks that he sees through her lack of control.

“I missed you too-,”

Presumptuous to think that he missed her.

“-and I’m sorry for not saying anything. I just…,” she stops right before confessing her shortcoming.

He doesn’t provide her with any more time to compose herself, a full day is already generous. Grabbing the door handle he gives it a slight tug but her hand shuts it and pulls his sleeve. That’s new. (Y/n) rarely takes the initiative.

He allows her to drag him over to the bed, slightly curious about her next move. Is she trying to entertain him as an apology or simply trying to put distance between him and the door?

Both tactics aren’t half bad when it comes to simple targets.

He sits down on the covers and analyses her.

A long white nightdress, face ready for bed, barefoot, and a long knife wound going up her arm.

A shred of pride for Killua’s work passes through his head but he doesn’t showcase this. If by any chance she spotted the look, it would demolish the picture he wants to paint.

(Y/n) kneels down in front of him and takes his hand into hers. It’s warm, though not as soft as it used to be. Her breasts rest atop his knees.

His attention migrates from the sudden action to her face, looking for answers. He made sure that she will only expect affection coming from him, not the other way around. It would be too tiring to keep up a loving demeanour- no, scratch that. It wouldn’t be tiring but the expectations would eventually rise and it would result in less time spent on bringing up Killua.

Oh, he zoned out.

(Y/n)’s eyes are full of regret and desperation, the hand holding his trembling just enough to tell him that today’s event is eating at her. Is she waiting for him to say something?

Finally after what feels like an unprecedented amount of time, the scene unfolds.

Her smaller hand pulls his to her face and rests it against her cheek. The second his skin touches hers, he detects slight heat radiating. She must have not treated the cut. The knife was probably dirty too, Killua slacks off in that regard.

“I’m sorry for being a failure, I’m very sorry Illumi. I have no excuse,” the apology flows out of her mouth, bottom lip quivering. The pain of looking at someone she disappointed forces her eyes to shut close. Her free hand latches onto his thigh and she digs in before continuing.

“You can slash my other arm as punishment. Or hang me upside down in the self-containment room,” she throws out. “But please, please don’t give up on me. I can do better Illumi”.

And as if to prove how determined she is, her eyes open up again, staring deeply into his own. Unwavering. Confident.

Though the thumb that he has under her jaw gave the hammering pulse away.

1,2,3. 1,2. 1,2,3.

He stretched out the silence, pretending to ponder over his answer. The unsettling emotions influencing her thoughts will prove beneficial when he flips her assumption around.

He removes his hand from her cheek and moves the one on his thigh to her side. (Y/n) adopts a look of relief, believing that he agreed to her conditions of punishment. What he’s about to do is infinitely more cruel though.

She catches her breath when he follows her example and kneels in front of her. He pulls up the sleeve of her nightdress that’s slipping down before grabbing her shoulders, gently.

“How can I not give up on you when you give up on yourself,” he lectures her, peeking down at her wound. Make the target question their actions.

An expression of remorse adorns her face, a downward tug of the mouth.

He pulls her in, arms encircling and resting on her lower back. The material of the nightdress is light enough for him to make out the feeling of skin.

“Though I won’t give up on you.” Affirmation and a moment of reassurance.

One of his hands travels deliberately slowly up to her neck. It rests on the back of her head, fingers entangled in her hair. Illumi locates the present that he left her the last time he visited and pushes it back into her head. It has moved slightly out.

This prompts (Y/n) to hug him in response, her previously hanging arms now resting comfortably around him. Good, as for the finishing line.

“Though your failure is a disappointment, I know that you will not repeat the same mistake, because you

love me, right?”.

Her head moves to rest between the crook of his neck, nodding in agreement. She doesn’t ask him if he loves her.

It’s expected of her not to.

#illumi zoldyck #illumi x reader #illumi zoldyck x reader #hunter x hunter fanfiction #hunter x hunter #This took 2 long but now I can focus on other things yay

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thedrarrylibrarian · 3 years

Photo

Part of being The Drarry Librarian is making educational posts to help our fandom grow and thrive. Today I want to address a problem that isn’t specific to our fandom, but sadly to all fandoms: sending hatred and harassment, anonymously or not. I’m not naive enough to believe I can solve this problem with a post, but I certainly hope that it makes people think twice and provides some resources to anyone who has been harassed or received hate.

Sending negative and hateful messages never accomplishes what the sender hopes. It’s just bullying, plain and simple. And just like real life bullying, online bullying negatively impacts both mental and physical health. It causes anxiety and depression, which can manifest into physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure and puts even young people at a higher risk for heart attacks and strokes. Especially in adolescents, cyberbullying directly contributes to self-harm and suicide ideation/attempts and even in some cases, suicide completion.

I wish that making someone who sends hate aware of the hurt that they caused would solve the problem, but I also know that when the goal is to silence the recipient, people who send hate often don’t care about hurting others. I want these people to remember that nothing fandom related is worth this and that they are in charge of curating their own fandom experiences.

YOU have the power to unfollow, filter certain tags, or even block someone. It’s never acceptable to harass someone or send them hate over a difference of opinion though.

If you receive hate, please know that you’re not alone - this person has probably harassed other people too. It’s not your fault and you don’t deserve it. Reach out to a friend for support, because even if it isn’t bothering you in the moment, it might come back to bother you later. Document the harassment through a screenshot for reporting purposes, then block and report the sender. Delete the messages from the comments or your inbox so you don’t have to see them anymore. It’s tempting to respond, but most of the time it simply gives the person what they desire: attention and the knowledge that they upset you. If you continue to be harassed, you can change your tumblr and AO3 account settings so that only registered users can comment or interact.

Remember, you are so much more than what the hate says you are. Sending hate says far more about the person who sent it than it says about you. No one deserves hate, and everyone has worth.

We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on…that’s who we really are. • Sirius Black

Resources:

The @wolfstarlibrarian’s Guides to Betaing and Commenting

International Suicide Hotlines

A special thank you to those who let me interview them in the process of making this post. I appreciated your time, insights, and perspectives and was honored that you trusted me with your stories.

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pillow-anime-talk · 3 years

Text

genshin month ; twenty-fifth day.

synopsis: Your boyfriend was by far the nicest man in the whole world, but at times it made that you had a small but jealous thoughts and a strange burden on your fragile heart.

# tags: scenario; current relationship; mild romance; a bit od drama/angst; fluff; xingqiu is a little ooc?; sfw

includes: female reader ft. xingqiu {genshin impact}

author’s note: aaaa, i like this one so, so much!

You bit your lip almost to the blood when you noticed your beloved boyfriend and the unknown white-haired girl standing next to the fountain, who, smiling, showed to the seventeen-year-old something on the city map and from time to time touched his upper body parts, asking for more, sometimes stupid and logical things.

You fell in love with Xingqiu for a simple reason – he was a charming man with a big heart and your relation began with the fact that on a one, random and rainy day he came up to you and next invited you under his huge, light purple umbrella. So you have known each other for over two years, and the teen has never raised his voice to you, never refused to help or hug you, never ignored your words, never chose someone over you. He was always there to cover your shoulders with a thick coat, to give you a short kiss, to invite you to dinner, or to buy you something warm to drink. And it was really marvelous; you fell in love with him again and again every single day.

Nevertheless, his good personality was also a loss for him and for you, because he was nice not only to your person or his loved ones, but also to strangers; to adults, to boys, to children, and to other girls as well. At one point in your relationship, you felt that you could lose him if he was still so cute with women who you thought were prettier, smarter, funnier, more gorgeous and who liked the same things he did. Your own tiny heart was bleeding when you saw Xingqiu help a female teen reach for a book, when he walked the girls home because of the late hour, or when he smiled the most beautifully in the world as a ‘Thank you’ for something.

Naturally, you trusted the boy, but you definitely couldn’t trust the girls who were infatuated with him.

“... U-Ummm... Xingqiu? Hey?” Finally, you came close enough to speak softly and get all the attention of the young man. As soon as he noticed you, blue-haired smiled charmingly and apologized to the fair-eyed girl standing next to him, telling her one last time that the cafe she was talking about was in the next street.

Of course, the young woman snorted under her breath at the sight of you, and then fastly walked away, leaving you with not a small disgust in your own, shiny eyes.

“Hello, darling.” He gave you another slight smile, and you nodded in response. “Where do you want to go today?”

“... I was thinking about going somewhere quiet. I brought two books with me and I was wondering if you would just like to read with me. I also have some tea and sandwiches.” You answered, looking at the basket full of snacks.

“It will definitely be a lovely date. Let’s go, dear.”

On the way to the place you chose very often for your dates, you met a few people who, seeing Xingqiu, approached you two to ask him about out of context things. Of course, they were girls about your age; each of them was magnificent and funny, and even brave, due to the fact that they weren’t afraid to touch his arms or shoulders. As always, they asked for his health, about the shops in Liyue, and even if he would want to drink tea with them now; literally none of them paid any attention to you. At the sound of their suggestions and questions your mood deteriorated even more, so you quietly withdrew and headed towards the house to read your borrowed books and eat sandwiches with cream cheese, chives and fresh cucumber.

Of course, your partner noticed very quickly that you weren’t by his side, so this time, without saying ‘Goodbye’, he ran forward. The teenager was well aware of where you went, so finding your disappointed person halfway to the cottage wasn’t a problem for the young knight. He hugged you lightly from behind, and you sniffled, slowly turning to face him.

“No, no. Don’t cry, please.” He whispered as he wiped the hot tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, and you just sobbed louder. It was the first time you cried in front of him because of negative feelings. “Y/N...”

“You are so good and so many people like you... I’m just afraid that someone will take you far away from me one day, Xingqiu. I can’t take this thought anymore. I just c-can’t.” You grunted grimly, and the male raised his hand, stroking your head. You’ve always cherished this way of showing his feelings.

“Nobody is going to take me from you because I would never let it. You’re the one with whom I bind my future, you know it perfectly well. In addition, you are the woman I love sincerely and indescribably.”

“I know, but... you’re too submissive, ‘Qiu... I trust you, but what if someone offers you something harmful and you don’t refuse this person because you won’t be able to? I don’t want it, I really don’t want it.”

The slow patting of your head stopped, and instead you felt a warm peck in the center of your hot forehead. The golden-eyed man smiled at you, then patted your head again, adjusting your soft hair and the collar of the delicate dress in the process.

“Sorry about that, sweetheart. I know you may have felt bad, but I wasn’t consciously doing it. I promise to be more assertive... Now come here.” He suddenly opened his arms and you snuggled into his body, feeling unimaginable relief and a feeling of bliss in your heart. “By the way, I also wanted to add that no girl is as wonderful as you, and I have never met someone who loves books as much as I do, so I believe that there is no better person in the world than you... Even if they put the princess of all Teyvat in front of me, I would still choose you because you are one of a kind.”

“S-Stupid... Can we just... finish our date at my house?”

“I would be honored.” Another sweet kiss landed on your face, and your boyfriend’s gentle hand didn’t disappear from your head until you both entered your home and sat down in your bedroom, starting a long reading session.

Of course, Xingqiu kept his promise the very next day, smirking at anyone who wanted to interfere with your date; he would answer each sentence very quickly and with amusement visible on his face, saying a short ‘Hmm, I’m not sure... but maybe my beloved GIRLFRIEND will answer that question, huh?’.

previous day ; ningguang and beidou ♡ next day ; tartaglia

#— ⛩️#genshin impact month #genshin impact challenge #genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x y/n #genshin impact xingqiu #xingqiu #xingqiu imagines #xingqiu scenarios #xingqiu x reader #xingqiu x you #xingqiu x y/n

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sunnysviolin · 3 years

Note

au where kel shatters (i use shatter instead of snap bc snap implies anger) and just. stops trying. like completely fading into the background, giving up on everything except his visits to sunny and maybe basketball. - ⚜️

A wild nonnie appeared! Hahaha lol my stupid jokes only make me laugh. BUT! Welcome to the club fleur de lis <3 I saw you and immediately gasped and began to work on this. I saved it and scheduled this to go out after Mari’s birthday so uhhh Happy Tuesday! I’ve gotta catch em all LMAO. Also what an ask to start off with I love it so much! I feel bad because it’s clear who my favorite characters are and which ones I neglect, but alas. People who say they don’t have favorite children….liars...all of em. Anyways here take some headcanons for this nonnie.

ALSO Honestly this isn’t even really an AU, It’s like a soft sort of canon shift that butterfly effects outward. I’m also going with the suicide ending where both Basil and Sunny end up dying so trigger/spoiler warning. Usually I put this kind of thing under a read more if I put a trigger warning, but I don’t think I will because it’s not like explicitly discussed here. I will put it in the tags though…. Haha I lied! I’m putting this under a read more because it got long as fuck and also it’s actually really sad….geez

I think that there’s a lot in canon that supports this au idea. Honestly it’s crazy to think that somehow he held onto his positivity and that’s what saved everyone. If Kel hadn’t continued to reach out to Sunny for all of those years and continued to treat all of his friends with love and determination...they might’ve all ended up being consumed by their grief

So what if….he didn’t continue to reach out

After Mari dies Kel does his best to try and hold together a rapidly sinking ship. He does his best to be there for Hero, to check on Sunny, to defend Basil from Aubrey even though Basil is increasingly pulling away.

It’s hard work and he has no support system, but he knows that his people need him. He still has his optimism and it gives him strength

But what would be enough to shatter that? What would be enough to push Kel into giving up?

Hero

Hero was able to make a shift after the night that he and Kel argued. In canon he says terrible things to Kel, but almost immediately apologizes and comes back into being himself somewhat. His parents tried to take him away, but Hero persevered past that and probably saved himself and Kel that night.

Everyone was alone after Mari died, but after that night Hero and Kel at least somewhat had each other. I think it’s because of that that Kel is able to keep up his hope in canon.

So this is the one shift in this AU. Hero lets his parents take him away. He didn't come back that night. Kel was left alone after their argument.

That night is Kel’s formative experience. His brother and his parents leaving him and letting him be all by himself drowning in his grief and his pain. It’s a terrible night, but he’s still alive the next day. Still alive, but he’s different now. Hero still makes him breakfast and still apologizes, but the damage is already done.

Kel takes the plate and picks at the food, but he doesn’t tell his brother it’s okay. He doesn’t forgive him. Hero thinks that Kel is angry with him and needs time, but Kel isn’t angry. Kel is just tired and he has given in to what the rest of them already gave into

Kel goes to school that day and he doesn’t look to see if Basil came today. When Aubrey and her group try to provoke him, Kel doesn’t take the bait. After school he goes to the park and plays basketball by himself. He doesn’t go home until late in the night. Practicing basketball is the first thing that has felt good to him in a long time. Sinking shots is a simple motion that brings success over and over.

He gets home after dark, long past curfew.

Hero was worried sick and his parents are angry, and Kel just...doesn’t care. His brother is shaking him and his parents are yelling, and all of it just bounces off of Kel. He isn’t scared by their reactions, isn’t annoyed or irritated. He’s just...mute.

And that’s how it continues. Hero keeps trying to reach him, but Kel won’t be reached. He heard exactly what Hero thought of him that night, and he’s done with trying. It’s not even a spiteful or angry thing. He just doesn’t have any hope that things will get better anymore.

Kel stops knocking on Sunny’s door everyday afterschool. He stops looking for Basil in the halls. Aubrey’s insults and taunts roll off of him and she slowly stops trying to get his attention. Kel focuses in on the few things he knows he still understands. The feeling of dribbling a ball. The faint heart race of running across a court.

Kel makes it onto the varsity team when he’s 14. Freshman normally don’t, but he’s good. He’s really good, but there’s one key thing that holds him from being the best. Kel is not a team player. It’s not that he hogs the ball or has some negative energy, he just has no interest in bonding with the rest of the team.

((He had people. He had people and he lost people. Kel doesn’t want any new people))

There is only one thing that gives him a tiny amount of hope. When he’s 16, he finds out Sunny is moving. He takes the last meagre amount of will he has and knocks on Sunny’s door. For the first time...Sunny answers.

Those three days bring Kel back to who he used to be. Running around town with Sunny, solving problems, even fighting feels good. It’s like a dream. First he gets Sunny back, then Hero, and then even Aubrey. Falling asleep in Basil’s house that last night is the first time Kel sleeps soundly. Everything is going to be okay now, he’s sure of it.

Then he wakes up in the middle of the night.

He hears someone crying. His heart drops. He moves out of the living room and sees Aubrey collapsed on the floor and Hero standing in the doorway of Basil’s room. Kel peeks around him.

Basil is dead in his room. Kel looked inside, and he had to go into the bathroom and throw up afterward. That night is long, but the morning is worse. Kel and Hero walk back home together, and as they round the corner to their house, they see a familiar sight

Ambulances and police cars surround the house next to theirs. When Mari died they created a blue and red halo around the house. The same halo is around it now. Hero goes to talk to one of the officers milling about, but Kel goes into the house. He doesn’t need any confirmation to know Sunny killed himself. Of course Sunny killed himself.

After that any part of Kel that still had hope is permanently snuffed out.

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nepenthendline · 4 years

Text

S/O that self-harms and has an eating disorder - Tsukishima, Tendou and Sugawara

TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD: SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDERS

I’m dumb and accidentally posted this half done so thats why the requests are in screenshots

I’ve added these two requests together as they’re about the same topic. Firstly I just wanted to let anon though that I’m absolutely fine writing about these topics so you don’t need to worry! I will, however, make it extremely clear on these posts about the trigger warnings and I won’t go into intense detail so that it’s more accessible, I hope that’s ok! And thank you for your lovely words! 🥰🥰 I have added trigger warning tags for those who need to blacklist this, but please please let me know if you need me to add any others

I know there are so many people who are struggling with these issues, especially at the moment with covid, I’ve been there too and I’m still dealing with these things myself so I want you to know that if you need to talk to someone, or you’d like an emergency request, then my askbox and messages are always open. You are not alone, you are not ‘strange’ for dealing with these things, and I promise you things will get better, I’m already proud of any progress you have made and you should be too. It’s ok to have worse days and to fall back into negative spaces, you’re human!

Also, these will be following my own mental health hcs of these guys that I’ve already posted so check that out first!

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima is the one who understands this the most

he’s been there, he’s struggled with those things and he is still fighting

if you didn’t tell him upfront about your struggles, he would have easily found out by himself quite quickly

since he has been through it himself, he knows the warning signs to look out for, so when you start covering your arms more often even with the hotter weather, or make a passing comment that you aren’t hungry at meal times, he knows it’s his time to step up as a support system

he isn’t going to be particularly forward about it, he’s not the type to come up to you out of the blue and ask questions because he knows some of them can’t be answered, so he takes things into his own hands

he spends more quiet time with you, just the two of you cuddling in your bed as he brushes his fingers over your body

while it may seem like a usual calming display of affection, he is really searching your body for any marks or wounds that are new

he tries to coax your feelings and worries out of you, telling you that you can trust him and that he isn’t going to run away

he knows that he can’t expect you to open up without him doing so either, so he lays himself out for you

he tells you what he has been through, he shows you the scars on his body, he lets you into his heart and his head so that you know you aren’t alone

once you both spill your stories, you don’t talk about it much after that, you both know what is going on so it’s just a matter of taking care of each other

regarding food, he isn’t going to force you to eat huge meals, because he has a small appetite even when he’s eating perfectly fine

but he is going to try and get you eating little amounts consistently throughout the day

you don’t want to eat a full meal? that’s fine, but he is going to be passing you little snacks every few hours so that you at least have some fuel in your body

he’s a smart guy, he knows how the body functions at its best and he will do his best to teach you too in hopes that knowing what your body needs and how it reacts to certain situations will aid you to treat it better

he’s not going to wrap you up in bubblewrap and shield you from the world either, but he will do his best to make sure that there isn’t anything you can easily hurt yourself with in your reach

he’ll put sharp objects on the top shelves, saying it’s just to piss you off about your height

he also always keeps a first aid kit on him in case of emergencies, something he has gotten into the habit of over the last few years

he’s not going to sit there and tell you everything is going to be perfect or to just ‘get over it’, it’s going to be a long process with both of you learning and fluctuating every day, but you’ll both get there eventually

Tendou:

Tendou is extremely attentive, he knows exactly when your mood has changed or if something is wrong

he’ll leave it for a little while to see if you’ll come to him yourself, but if you don’t, then he’ll start asking questions

they start off as simple, casual questions to check up on you, like ‘how are you feeling today?’, ‘how was your day today?’, before they go into specifics if he feels like you aren’t being honest with him

he’s the type of guy that makes ‘jokes’ about his depression, even going as far as joking about suicide or self-harm, and when he notices you flinch ever so slightly at his words, he knew what was going on

he brings it up one day as if talking about the weather while reading manga together

“you’ve been hurting your own body, haven’t you?”

he tries to keep the conversations a light-hearted as possible, saying how you are now ‘scar buddies’ as he lifts up his shorts to show you his thighs

he understands that what he says isn’t really going to do much, but he’s still going to shower you with compliments and affection in the hopes that it brightens your mood and distracts you even a little

distraction is his main way of helping you - if he can keep you busy then there’s less chance of you hurting yourself in his eyes

he’s going to call you over or turn up to your room unannounced with a book in hand to read together, or invite you to cuddle with him as you have an anime binge session, he also wants to make sure you’re getting outside enough so walks to get ice-cream and sit in the park happen frequently

he knows he can’t ‘cure’ you or actually make things better, so he mentions about seeing a therapist if you aren’t already and he will support you every step of the journey if you do decide to seek help

like Tsukishima, he also has a smaller appetite in general so he doesn’t expect you to eat tons

he uses prompts often to try and get you to eat more, such as “babyyyy I’m hungry, let’s go down to the cafeteria together and get some food ok?” or “I bought this jumbo pack of ramen but I can’t eat it all myself, come give me a hand?”

he likes getting you sweet treats too, they often make him feel a little perkier so he hopes they will for you as well

he isn’t going to give them any details, but he will ask his team to keep an eye on you if he isn’t around

he likes to use rating systems with you to determined how you’re doing in the day, whether that be on a scale of 1-10, or texting him a particular emoji that signals if you’re having a bad day

he will never get mad or annoyed at you if you relapse, he understands its a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, but he always reminds you of how far you’ve come and how proud he is

Sugawara:

out of these three boys, Sugawara is the one who understands this the least

he’s never dealt with this issues himself, and he has never been around those who have besides those who struggle with anxiety

even though he can’t empathise, he is naturally an extremely caring person so he wants to do his best to understand

he reads up on self-harm and eating disorders to learn about how they originate, how to notice warning signs and what he can do to help you best

he comes to you a lot as well, asking if there is anything he should know or that he can do for you

while he may not notice these issues themselves straight away, he is always checking up on you in general so he can tell if there is something a little off

it breaks his heart to know that you intentionally harm yourself and it takes him a little while to wrap his head around it

he knows he can’t do much to help the issues you face directly, so he makes sure you are keeping up with more general self-care, such as showering, getting some little exercise everyday, indulging in your hobbies and talking to him and other friends

if you need to rely on him for a little while you’re trying to get back on your feet then that’s fine with him, he is more than happy to remind you to do things to take care of yourself and help you do them too

Sugawara is the most forward when it comes to you getting help from a doctor or therapist

he has a couple serious talks with you about how you need to find a method of battling this, whether that be therapy or medication

as much as he wants to be, he can’t take this away from you

he starts stocking his bag with emergency items too, things like bandages, healing ointment or any safe foods that you can eat

to help your eating, he does his best to make food become part of your regular routine in hopes that it will make eating become more familiar and less daunting

this means regular meal times and creating lists of safe foods with you that you feel you can eat better than others

he will do his best to make sure all your meals have the right nutrients for your body and also recommend you take vitamin supplements daily in case you have a bad eating day and cannot get them through your food

it frustrates him that he can’t do more for you, or that he can’t understand exactly how you feel, but he never shows you that

he will always have his arms open for you if you need support and he will never ever blame you for the struggles you deal with, he reminds you constantly that there will be better days and he is going to be with you through all of them

758 notes · View notes

pastel-odette · 3 years

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Revenge- A Banana Fish Fanfiction

This is a fic written for @emi-joanna. Sorry it took so long, I started work and college this past month. I hope it's as angsty as you requested!

(tws are properly tagged as tw _____)

“Eiji! Hurry up! We’re gonna be late!”

Eiji came rushing out of the house, locking up before making his way to the car. “What took you so long?” Aslan asked. Eiji opened up his satchel to reveal various snacks and sweets. “I had to grab the essentials,” he said with a smile. Aslan chuckled. “You really think we’re gonna need them?” “Yes!! During last year’s shrine visit you whined and whined about being hungry, so this time I thought I’d come prepared.” “How do you even remember that?” “Magic, my love. Now enough questions! Let’s go already!” It had been seven years since the couple had moved to Izumo. The first year had been the toughest. Despite being months out of the hospital, Aslan had still been reeling from the attack from Lao. The realization that even after Dino was dead, even after he thought he was finally free, someone still wanted to kill him had hit him extremely hard. He had felt foolish for thinking he would ever be anything other than what Dino made him. To hunt and be hunted, was that really all there was left for him? He had almost wished he hadn’t survived. He didn’t even understand why he survived in the first place.

The decision to move to Japan with Eiji did not come easy. Almost every part of him was screaming at him to abandon that hope that he could ever have a normal life. The physical distance made it seem more unattainable, too. However, Eiji was persistent. He would text every day, and call as much as he could. He was determined to make sure Aslan saw their original plan to move to Japan through.

Eventually, Aslan caved in. He said goodbye to New York, and started a new life with his soulmate. It wasn’t until he laid in bed that night, Eiji sleeping peacefully next to him, that what he did hit him all at once. An entirely new country with nothing to protect himself with.

For a while, they stayed at the Okumura family house. Eiji’s father was still in the hospital as he learned, so it was just the two of them, Eiji’s mother, and his sister. He felt surprisingly welcomed, like he was truly part of the family. It was strange to him to meet people so truly kind and hospitable upon first meeting. It wasn’t long until it started to feel like home.

But it still didn’t feel safe. He would lay awake at night, Eiji beside him, terrified of every little noise he heard. On the rare occasions where he did sleep, he would have terrible nightmares, and when he would jolt awake he would reach for a gun that wasn’t there.

The Okumuras noticed how fidgety and cautious he was. So, they installed a security system in their house. They did everything, big and small, to help him adjust to this new life. When Aslan and Eiji moved out into their own house, they took a lot of these things with them. The security system, the protective charms, the little statues of gods that could protect them. It stunned Aslan how… good he felt to be living this life.

Izumo is where Aslan had found peace and happiness. “We’re here,” Aslan said.

They made their way through the rows of trees together, surrounded by other people also dressed for the chilly weather. Some wore their traditional kimonos, some wore more casual winter clothes. As they approached the torii gates they saw a familiar person standing there. “Mari!” Eiji shouted as he waved to his sister. She waved back as she walked up and gave them both a tight hug. “How are your studies going?” Aslan asked with a soft smile. “Well, just as tough as last year. But I’m glad to finally be visiting again!” She beamed.

When Aslan moved to Japan, Mari was right there alongside Eiji to greet him. She was thrilled to meet him, and sympathetic when she realized Aslan had lived a much different life than her and her brother. It wasn’t long until she felt like his own sister. When she moved to Tokyo for college, he nearly cried with how proud he was.

“You’re not wearing mom’s kimono this year,” Eiji pointed out.

Usually, Mari would wear a deep blue kimono with a stunningly complex design depicting a soaring phoenix and a gold-colored obi. It was passed down through many generations until it was owned by their mother, and now her. Now she was wearing a pale yellow kimono with a much simpler chrysanthemum pattern and pink obi with a chrysanthemum obidome to match. Mari gave a sad smile. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I just didn’t want something so… connected to her anymore. So my friends took me shopping and I found this. Don’t worry though, I didn’t throw away the other one or anything. It’s still in my closet.” “I think it looks good. Suits you,” said Aslan. Eiji nodded his head. This time, Mari beamed.

Being the very first day of the New Year, the temple was crowded with all sorts of people. The chozuya was completely packed, and it took them a few minutes before they were able to purify their hands. Ash always wondered if his hands could ever be truly pure, but he tried not to think about that as he poured the water. It was supposed to be a day of celebration and good luck. He didn’t want his thoughts to ruin that.

Every year, Aslan wished to the gods for protection. Protection from violence, from grief, from assault, from everything that made his life miserable for so long. This year was no different. However, there was something else this year he needed extra luck for. He prayed for that too.

Next, they went to exchange their omamori. Aslan chose the protection charm, as he did every year, and Mari chose the education charm. Usually, Eiji would get the protection charm just as Aslan did. This time he chose the success charm. “What goal do you want to be successful?” Mari asked.

“This year, I’m determined to have my own photo gallery.” It was a goal he had for a while, but this year he was going to have the luck of the gods on his side.

Finally, they needed to pull their o-mikuji.

“I’m a little nervous,” Mari jokes. Most of the time she had negative fortunes. However, this year, she would apparently have a future blessing (and small luck in her romantic relationships). Aslan was given half-blessing with lots of luck in travel. Then it was Eiji’s turn.

“Curse…”

“Well, it could be worse,” Aslan said, “at least you’re not super-mega-cursed.”

Eiji just sighed and folded up the paper.

“You’re not gonna read the rest of it?” “Nah. Not really a point.”

As they left the shrine, Eiji trailed behind and sulked.

Aslan gave Mari a nudge.

“You talk to him, you're the psychology major. I’m no good at this stuff.”

Mari nodded and went to walk beside Eiji.

“Listen, if it’s just a regular curse, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s mostly just little everyday inconveniences. The worst I’ve experienced with just a regular curse is that really bad breakup I had with Yui.” “With who??” “Hush, Aslan, this isn’t about you. Anyways, I don’t think you have anything to really worry about.”

When they get to the parking lot, they have to part ways. Mari made plans to go visit some of her old friends, and Aslan and Eiji had to return home, as they were going to host dinner that night.

When Aslan and Eiji arrived home, they were greeted by a very excitable golden retriever. They had gotten him about a year ago, when he was just a year old, from a local shelter. Even then, he still acted a little bit like a puppy.

“Hey, Bud,” Aslan said as he knelt down to pet Buddy. The dog jumped up to lick his face.

“Should we start dinner now?” Eiji asked as he put down his stuff and made his way to the kitchen.

“You can. Might as well. Just in case someone comes early or something.”

“You can’t just spend all afternoon petting Buddy, you know.” “I know, I know! I’ll help you in a minute.”

Buddy didn’t seem to mind all the extra attention he was getting, though. But eventually, Aslan had to go help his partner.

“Alright, so what’s the plan?” asked Aslan as he put on his apron. He didn’t always help in the kitchen, his skill level was limited to basic survival foods, but over the years he got better and better at it. It felt very domestic, to cook alongside someone.

“How about you start on the datemaki? I’ll make the ramen.”

Aslan nodded, and they both started getting their ingredients. The kitchen was large enough that they could work around each other comfortably, and it wasn’t long until the kitchen started to smell delicious. Buddy noticed this, and trotted over to beg for treats.

“I have nothing for you,” Aslan said. Still, Buddy sat beside him, wagging his tail and giving him an expectant look. Aslan tried to ignore him as he started to whine, focusing on mixing the ingredients together.

“Here, Buddy!” Eiji called the dog, waving a large bone. Buddy instantly jumped up and ran over, wagging his tail furiously. Eiji then gave him the bone, which Buddy took to the living room happily.

“There we go, that’ll keep him occupied,” Eiji smiled. Aslan couldn’t help but smile back.

They continued cooking nonstop into the evening. As time went on, the more dishes they completed, and the more it started to look like a full meal. However, they were still pretty far from done.

Aslan sighed as he stretched. There was enough time to just take a tiny little break, he thought. He leaned against the counter and looked over at Eiji. His partner seemed distracted by something as he stared off into space.

“Hey.”

“Ah!” Eiji jumped, fumbling the bag of flour he was holding before dropping it on the counter.

“Ohhh no!” he exclaimed. Aslan chuckled slightly before helping his partner clean up the mess.

“Looks like your bad luck has officially begun.”

“Don’t even joke about that!” Eiji said as he smacked the other with a floured towel. Ash looked down at his arm then back up at Eiji with a smile.

“Really? You wanna start this?” He dipped his thumb in the flour before smudging it across Eiji’s cheek.

“You’re on!”

And that’s how it started, a full-blown flour war.

Nothing was spared. Flour was thrown, smudged, and flew everywhere. The counters, the floor, their clothes, their skin, their hair and skin, all of it was covered in at least a thin layer of flour.

It was stupid, it was childish, they had wasted an entire bag just making everything dirty. But they didn’t care. It was fun. They were having fun and messing around together. At that moment, they weren’t thinking about having to clean up and get back to cooking, they just thought about each other.

The couple just laid on the floor together as Buddy sniffed around them before licking Aslan in the face.

“No, Buddy!” Aslan squealed, pushing Buddy’s face away. The dog just wagged his tail as his owners helped each other up.

“You’re a mess,” Eiji laughed.

“Speak for yourself! You’re even dirtier than me! Go take a shower, I’ll clean this all up.”

Eiji kissed Aslan’s floured cheek before going to wash himself and his clothes.

Once everything was all clean, both of them included, they had to work faster in order to get everything done by the time their guests would arrive. Occasionally, though, they would look over at each other, and laugh silently before getting back to work.

Eventually, they had a complete New Year’s Day dinner. Eiji set the table while Aslan arranged the food into the boxes.

“Well, I’d say it looks pretty good,” Aslan said.

“We make a pretty good team!” Eiji shouted from the dining room.

When everything was all set for their guests to arrive, they high-fived to celebrate their hard work. It was the first time they cooked for New Year’s all on their own, and it was the first time they would be hosting.

The first to arrive were Ibe and his wife, Namiko. They met shortly after he returned to Japan, and she was a very kind woman, the kind that got along with all her neighbors and would check in on them from time to time. The couple greeted their hosts warmly with hugs and a bottle of sake.

Buddy was thrilled to have guests, and quickly ran over to receive pets from two of his many favorite humans.

It wasn’t much longer after that when Mari arrived, and the party officially started. Chatter filled the house as they ate. They talked about everything that had happened during the past year, everything they accomplished, and everything they hoped to accomplish this year.

“Well, I have no complaints,” Ibe said, “We traveled a lot this year for work.”

“It was great! So many fun new places we visited,” Namiko said.

“Mine was just another normal year of classes. I made a new group of friends, and they’re really great," Mari said through a mouthful of food.

“We adopted our dog,” Eiji beamed. Buddy was resting in the living room. After a while of whining for food, he had finally given up, and they knew if they mentioned him by name he would come over and start begging again.

The party went on late into the night as they continued to chat and drink. Everyone’s spirits couldn’t be higher as they celebrated the past and welcomed in the future, giving a toast for good luck. Eventually, though, the night had to end. They said their goodbyes to each other, and the guests went home, leaving Aslan and Eiji to clean up.

Aslan felt content as he washed the dishes. It was a great night, surrounded by people he loved. Seven years in Japan. He hadn’t felt like Ash Lynx in so long. He felt like he had control over his life.

A partner, a house, a dog, a legal job, friends, a little sister. The old ladies on his street fawned over him as if he was free from sin. The local coffee shop knew his face and order by heart. Nobody feared him, they were all friendly towards him, and treated him as if he really was normal.

Oftentimes it felt unreal. But as he sat on the couch, Eiji nestled into his side, he knew it was.

“Thank you,” Eiji murmured.

“For what?”

“For helping out today. For everything you do. You’re so good to me.”

Aslan smiled softly.

“I should be the one saying that to you.”

“How about we’re both good to each other?”

“Yeah,” Aslan whispered, “I can agree with that.”

The next few days of the New Year were spent with Mari. The plan was for her to go back to Tokyo on the fourth, when the holiday was over, so they wanted as much time with her as they could.

During the Japanese New Year, businesses are closed for the next three days. They couldn't go to restaurants, shops, or the market. So mostly, they just spent time at Aslan and Eiji’s house. Watching TV, playing board games, and video games on the SNES they got a few years back. They could also go to the beach.

Izumo was a coastal town, with cliff sides to the north, and a long, thin strip of beach to the west. When the three of them stepped out of the car, they were glad they brought thick coats, as there was a cold breeze.

“Come on Buddy!” Eiji said as he opened the car door. The dog jumped out of the car, wagging his tail happily.

The beach was an important place in Izumo, something Aslan had learned shortly after he moved. On the northern shore of the beach, there was a very large rock with a small shrine on top, too high for humans to reach. Every October, the gods would come to Izumo, and convene at the beach and its shrine.

Aside from it being a spiritual place, the beach was also just beautiful. It reminded Aslan of when he was younger, when he and Griffin would run across the sand and splash in the waves. Sometimes, when he and Eiji would take a walk along the beach, they would see children or a family, and he would feel a bit of nostalgia.

Now, he walked this beach with his new family.

It was late in the afternoon, and the sun was low in the sky. They were only planning for it to be a relatively short walk, and would return to the car not long after the sun fully set. It was just nice to get some fresh air.

The trio walked in silence, aside from Buddy’s pants, until Aslan broke it.

“You know, Mari, you got a pretty interesting fortune this year,” he said.

Eiji caught on to what he meant. “Yeah! Are you excited for it?”

“For the future fortune? I guess so. It’s better than I get most years,” she said.

“No no, I mean about your romance fortune,” Aslan smiled.

Mari became slightly flustered, glaring at the couple. They just laughed in response.

“You should really get back out there again,” Eiji teased, “You’re not still heartbroken over Yui are you?”

Mari lightly punched her brother in the side.

“Of course not! That was the beginning of high school! Butt out of my love life!”

“But you, dear sister, are the one that butted into my love life when I went to America.”

“I shall have you know, dear brother, that I have matured since then. Besides, the charm I gave you worked, didn’t it?”

Eiji looked over at Aslan with a smile and squeezed his hand.

“Yeah. It did.”

The sun had begun to set at this point, halfway across the horizon. It was a beautiful sight, soft pinks and reds across the sky. The three stopped to admire it, Buddy sitting beside them.

“I think this is a moment worth capturing,” Eiji said. He got the polaroid camera from around his neck. They all posed close together, Aslan picking up Buddy so he could be in the shot, with the sunset in the background.

“Smile!”

Click.

The photo printed slowly, and Eiji shook it so it could develop faster.

It showed the four of them, happy in smiling, in the place they loved so much. They waited for the sun to set fully before returning home.

Instantly, the photo went up on their wall.

Unfortunately, the fourth eventually came, and Mari had to leave. At the train station, they said their goodbyes.

“Be sure to write!” Eiji said as she waved.

“I always do!”

With that, the train doors closed, and she left Izumo. Since it was the first day of the new year that businesses were open, Aslan decided he might as well go run some errands.

“See you at home,” he said as he pecked Eiji on the cheek.

“Mhm, see you.” Eiji waved goodbye to him.

The first stop was the coffee shop. Why not, right? It was a very cozy little shop and the majority of the patrons were locals and regulars. When the barista noticed him, he smiled.

“The usual?”

Aslan nodded, and the barista got to work. The coffee shop was relatively small compared to those in America, and it was warmly lit. As Aslan sat at the counter watching the barista he felt the chill of the mid-winter weather.

“Here’s your coffee,” the barista said as he placed the mug in front of Aslan. Most people see Aslan as the type of person to drink straight black coffee. And for a while, he was. As soon as he was “old enough” to drink coffee, he would drink it without sugar or creamer. It fit the persona he had and made him seem more mature to those around him. Now he didn’t care about any of that. He made his coffee super sweet. Tons of sugar, tons of creamer, because that was the way he actually liked it.

Usually, he would take the time to stay and chat with the barista for a bit. He was a funny and friendly guy, most of the reason Aslan liked this coffee shop in particular. However, today he had the odd urge to get home as much as possible. Maybe it was just because of the chill, he thought.

The next stop was the grocery store. They only really needed things to replace what they had used to cook dinner on New Years, including the flour that they had wasted.

He absentmindedly went through the small store until a voice called out to him from behind.

“My dear Aslan!”

He turned around to see his neighbor, Mrs. Tanaka. She was an old woman, kind as can be like almost everyone else in the neighborhood, who loved to garden in her front lawn and chat him up whenever she saw him. Aslan greeted her back and smiled.

“How have you been? How’s Eiji? Did you have a good new year?”

“Everything is good. How was your trip?”

The two chatted for a bit, catching up on things that happened since the last time they talked. Most of his neighbors he could strike up a conversation with just like this. It was the kind of neighborhood he could see himself and Eiji growing old in. It was a weird thought, to grow old with someone in a small town, but it was right.

They said their goodbyes, and Aslan continued shopping as normal.

When Aslan came home, the front door was unlocked. Huh. Maybe Eiji just forgot. However, when he opened the door, he was met with a horrible sight.

There lay Buddy, unmoving, in a pool of blood.

Aslan dropped his bags and rushed to his dear pet. He picked him up gently as tears began to fall.

How did this even happen? When? Why wasn’t he here to stop it?

That’s when he saw it. The wound on Buddy’s neck. A bullet wound. Someone… shot Buddy. There was no way. He was supposed to be safe in Japan. He was supposed to be safe with Eiji. Eiji... “Eiji!” he shouted. No response. He shouted again. The house was silent. Aslan gently placed down Buddy’s body. He had to make sure Eiji was okay. Eiji had to be okay, right?

Aslan crept through the house silently, listening for any sounds that might lead him towards Eiji or the intruder. As he approached the kitchen, he saw a pot on the stove bubbling over, so he turned off the stove. This whole thing must have happened fairly recently. A knife was also missing from the drawer.

Finally, he made his way to the bedroom.

What he saw terrified him.

Eiji. Sprawled across the floor, next to the open closet doors as if he had been pulled out, a knife in his hand. A bullet in his forehead. His eyes were wide open, and his cheeks were stained with tears.

Ash fell to his knees. This couldn’t be happening. Eiji couldn’t be dead. He was dreaming, he was hallucinating, this was some kind of joke. What separated him from his old life now? What stopped him from being Ash Lynx again?

Ash sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed. His love had been murdered. The bastard shot his dog, too. Why? He didn’t do anything. Neither of them did anything. It wasn’t fair.

He reached into the closet and pulled out a small box. Inside was a silver engagement ring. He picked up Eiji’s greying, cold hand and slipped the ring onto his finger.

“I know that we could never get married legally. But I still wanted to think of you as my husband. After all we had been through, didn’t we deserve that much?”

Eiji didn’t respond. His glossed-over eyes stared at nothing. Ash closed them.

“My soul will always be with you.”

--------

This might turn into a chaptered fic

Thank you to @syanara for betaing!

Tag list: @mycatshuman

#banana fish #banana fish fanfiction #ash lynx #aslan jade callenreese #eiji okumura #tw death #tw murder #tw guns #tw animal death #tw dog death

35 notes · View notes

teawaffles · 3 years

Text

There’s No Business Like Show Business: Chapter 3

“Fred. How’s their acting like to you?” Jack asked in a low voice.

They were seated at the edge of the stalls. They could also see Bond from where they were, completely focused on the stage.

“I’m not an actor myself, so this is just my personal opinion — but I think they’re awfully good,” Fred replied.

Jack gazed at the stage with a serious look in his eyes.

“I think so too. I won’t discount the fact that their sets and props look a little homemade, maybe due to a lack of budget; but when it comes to acting, each one of them is highly skilled. I can tell that the performers are all deeply familiar with the intent of the script.”

They were no theatre professionals for sure, but they possessed an eye for the true essence of their art.

The creases near Jack's eyes deepened as he quietly groaned.

“And best of all is that lady.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Moran agreed. With Fred included, all of them were focused on the lone person on the stage.

As Jack had pointed out, Maya, the chairwoman, was the standout actress even among the highly-skilled members of her own company.

Although she only held the lead role in “The Little Match Girl”, and was relegated to supporting roles for the other stories, the delivery of her lines, the movements of her body and hands, and even the slight shifts in her gaze — each and every one of her actions was perfectly under her control. They had seen a glimpse of this when she’d stood before her fellow company members previously, but this person on stage was completely different from the one who'd spoken to them at the entrance.

Even accounting for the fact that she had written the script herself, this level of sophistication in acting was not one which could be achieved by some run-of-the-mill actress. Moreover, the lines and pauses in the script had been carefully crafted to make it easy for the audience to relate to the stories.

From then on, the three of them enjoyed the rest of the play in silence, marvelling at her exceptional talent. Eventually, the rehearsal came to an end.

“——That concludes our performance. Thank you very much for coming.”

After her closing words, the company lined up on stage, silently waiting for Bond’s comments. While there had not been any flashy moments during the performance, almost all of them had sweat on their foreheads. Each breath they took revealed the depth of their concentration.

“…………”

For a short while, Bond stared at the stage without saying a word. Growing uneasy at the silence, the company members lowered their gazes slightly.

After what seemed like an eternity, Bond cleared his throat, and adjusted his posture. Seeing that, the company members straightened their backs.

“——If I were to summarise my thoughts, I think your acting has already reached a high standard. I’m sure all of you have put in much time and effort to achieve this.”

Their faces beamed at his compliment. But Bond would not allow them to be satisfied with that alone.

He rose from his seat.

“But that’s also why some bad habits have stood out to me. For example, the witch in ‘The Little Mermaid’: there were times when your movements were too exaggerated. I know that you wanted to emphasise her sinister nature, but the way you did so may turn off the audience.”

“Y-Yes……”

The actress who’d been singled out hung her head, perhaps out of shock. But Bond ignored this, and pointed to another woman.

“Now, you played the main character in ‘The Red Shoes’. I watched your steps after putting on the shoes — have you properly studied dance? It’s true that even some stage professionals may think that it’s alright to just mimic the real thing, but if you really want to make your performance more authentic, you must take the time to learn how to do it properly. Your audience will not be satisfied unless you show them a level of skill that will astonish even people in that profession.”

“Understood!” she responded with vigour.

“Next up is you: the way you project your voice——”

Then Bond singled out each of the performers in turn, highlighting in detail what they needed to work on. He only needed to watch their play once to spot areas for improvement at such a fine level of detail — his eye for the arts gave them all a sense of the former professional’s brilliance.

At last, Bond finished addressing every member of the company. But he then swept his gaze over the entire theatre.

“In addition…… this isn’t your fault at all, but your success today was only possible due to the small size of this theatre,” he said, with some distress. “If we were in a bigger venue, the hall would be wider and deeper to accommodate the larger audience. In other words, I’m afraid that with your current performance, your voices simply would not reach the entire audience.”

Maya paled.

“So, in order to accommodate the size of the venue……”

“Yes. The worst-case scenario would be that you have to rework the entire play. By the way, when is the opening night?”

“T—Two weeks later.”

The entire room was enveloped in silence. Even from where they were seated, Moran and the others felt the weight of their despair: all the hard work they had put in thus far, might just have amounted to nothing.

Even Bond, who had revealed this harsh reality, dropped his gaze and grimaced.

“Well, there are a fair number of productions that focus only on the stage, and do not account for the size of the audience, so you may not have to change——”

“——No, we’ll do it.”

Maya sharply interrupted his proposal.

“You’ve seen how I am; I’ve always been timid and hesitant…… but theatre is the one thing I will never compromise on. Especially now — this is a rare opportunity for us. For my fellow company members, for the people who’ve supported us this far, I want to show them something I’ve put every effort into making.”

“…………”

At her words, the rest of the company nodded in silence.

Even with the actual performance only two weeks away, Maya and her company had steeled their hearts and chosen to start again from scratch. That stubborn determination surprised Bond, and even Moran and the rest.

“U—Um…… Mr Bond, I actually have something I wish to discuss with you……”

Out of the blue, Maya’s voice had grown soft.

“U—Um, if it is alright with you, just for the next two weeks, could you sit in during our rehearsals? A—Ah, actually, just whenever you have the time would be fine……”

Bond chuckled.

Even after being told about all those problems, they refused to stand down, and even continued to ask for help. Their mental fortitude sparked hope in him, and he couldn’t help but let out a grin.

Bond shot the party in the stalls a questioning look. Moran looked to Jack and Fred in turn, before giving him a thumbs-up.

With that, the former flames of passion within Bond burned even hotter. He faced the company members with a determined grin.

“——Okay. But I will be especially tough on you all, so be prepared.”

Then, he called out to Fred.

“Fred-kun. I would like your help as well — is that alright with you?”

“Understood,” he replied, standing up.

“Bond, I’m always happy to teach knife-wielding.”

“And you can always ask me about gun handling.”

“Now that would be helpful,” Bond smiled at Jack and Moran’s jests, then turned back to the stage.

“Well then, everyone — for the next two weeks, let’s do our best together.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

“During a performance, you must be always be aware of three things: the audience, the other actors, and yourself. If the feeling of being ‘watched’ becomes too strong for you, first direct your attention within yourself. Then, you will be able to focus on your acting once again.”

“I don’t advocate the idea of getting into a role. In the end, acting is just a skill: what you should focus on instead is how you are moving.”

“Although an effective way of bringing out emotions is to dredge up your past memories, I would advise you to avoid that. Recent memories are too concrete and vivid — if you must do so, use memories from your distant past. And be careful: if you frequently immerse yourself in negative emotions, you will hurt yourself on a spiritual level too.”

In a small theatre in Whitechapel, Bond’s instructions came forth ceaselessly.

He stood on stage together with the company members: carefully reviewing their movements, even acting them out himself as an example on occasion, and putting in every effort to raise the level of their production.

The remaining two weeks were short, but with their foundations already strong to begin with, Maya and her company steadily honed their acting skills to perfection.

One week left until the show. His work as an instructor had finally ended for the day, and he let out a sigh as he sat in the stalls to catch his breath.

“Good work today — fancy a sip?”

Having watched the proceedings from the stalls, Moran handed him a bottle of water. It was a beer bottle — very Moran-like — and Bond accepted it with a smile.

“Thanks, Moran-kun.”

Bond gulped down a single mouthful of water.

“So, how’s the play going?”

“At first I thought we would be hard-pressed for time, but they truly exceeded my expectations. I think we might just make it. ……Scratch that, we will make it.”

Moran nodded.

“That’s right. And they seem to be well-liked by the residents around here. I really hope they can pull it off.”

As Moran gazed off into the distance, a thought just occurred to Bond. He cocked his head.

“Come to think of it, you really didn’t have to tag along with me all this time, you know?”

Ever since the day Bond had agreed to lend his support to the company, his other colleagues had stopped over from time to time to cheer him on. However, Moran had made it a point to come to the theatre every day without fail.

Moran scratched his cheek in embarrassment. 

“……Well, it’s not like I have anything else to do when there aren’t any missions. As a senior member of this organisation, I’m just here to see how my junior works.”

“Even though you’ve been skipping out on chores at the mansion?”

“D—Dammit, I told you before: I always do my share of the work, you know.”

Bond had said that half-jokingly, but his words flustered Moran nevertheless. It seemed he had not been entirely wrong about that.

Bond returned his gaze to the stage.

“……Thank you, Moran-kun,” he said quietly.

“Hmm? Didn’t you already say that earlier?”

“This one means something different,” he said, with a hint of mischief in his voice. Moran raised an eyebrow in bemusement, but the presence of a caring senior alone warmed Bond’s heart.

Just then, they heard the sound of the theatre doors opening.

As the two men turned to look, they saw a portly middle-aged man with a magnificent moustache standing at the entrance.

Maya hurriedly bowed in his direction. “T—Thank you so much for your help thus far! What brings you all the way here?”

From her formal manner, it seemed this was the very noble who had asked them to stage the opening act for his theatre.

“Ah, you’ve been working hard, I see,” he said as he stroked his moustache, a big smile on his face.

“Yes; with your assistance, we’ve been able to prepare for the performance in time. I’m sure the audience will be satisfied with——”

“Well, about that.”

The man interrupted Maya, still all smiles.

“——Your performance has been cancelled.”

“What?”

No one could believe their ears.

Her expression brimmed with confusion.

“U-Um, what do you mean……?”

“What does it mean? Just pretend our conversation back then didn’t happen. That’s all.”

The man made another simple pronouncement, then smiled as if nothing was wrong.

“Honestly, it’s just as well that this has happened, since I’ve also been troubled over your debut. So what I’m saying is, your company doesn’t have to turn up. That’s alright with you, isn’t it?”

The entire company was still in a state of shock. Then, Bond addressed the man directly.

“Now hold on just a moment. What do you mean, you were troubled? Then why did you ask them to perform? What’s more, isn’t it a little late to cancel the performance at this juncture?”

Hearing that, the man sighed in displeasure.

“Who are you, anyway? Someone connected to this company? I’m not happy to be asked so many questions at once.”

“Then I’ll summarise it for you. If you were going to cancel the performance so easily, why bother requesting Maya and her company to perform anyway?”

At Bond’s question, the nobleman shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, that’s simple. I just felt like it.”

“……What?”

Those shocking words froze him to the core.

“I’d heard about a reputable theatre company in the slums. Since there’s this notion of noblesse oblige anyway, I thought a performance would be a good topic for conversation and approached them. But then I grew to realise that the thought of poor people stepping onto the sacred stage of an official theatre just didn’t sit well with me. So yesterday, I finally decided to put an end to this madness.”

“How could you……”

He had asked Maya’s company to perform on a whim, and then cancelled their act on a selfish whim as well. And this was all decided just ‘yesterday’. Even though they had been putting in every effort into their play.

The nobleman continued.

“That’s all I had to say. You poor folk are living off the graces of the nobility, so be grateful that I even bothered to come all this way to talk to you. Now that I’m finished here, I’ll be leaving. The smell here is simply an assault on my senses.”

Right before he walked out, the man spat out one last line.

“Well, at least you all had a nice dream, didn’t you?”

“………!”

A violent rage surged within Bond. Somehow, he managed to grit his teeth and hold himself back. If he were to retaliate right now, he would be inviting unnecessary reprisal on Maya and her company rather than himself. So all he could do was look daggers at the nobleman’s back as he left.

The theatre was enveloped in a mournful silence. Everyone seemed to have lost their verve, and no one uttered a word. Bond was shaking with frustration.

Amidst the heavy atmosphere, just one man — Moran — gazed upon the situation with composure.

Finally, Maya, the chairwoman, mumbled in a thin voice.

“Um, I’m so sorry. I think, I’m not feeling too well……”

Then, with a hollow expression, she headed to the dressing room, her footsteps shaky.

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #yuumori #english translation #forbidden games

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crimeronan · 3 years

Note

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so. yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world. follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content. in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass. which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype. mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that. yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale. both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness?? rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family?? rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life?? rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry?? once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks?? all that repression baybey. this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years. every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far. not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc. i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc. but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me. he’s so fucking good

#replies #tsc #tda #julian blackthorn #meta #long post #ungodly long post.#shadowhunters #Anonymous

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generalfoolish · 3 years

Text

Mayhem Times Infinity

Part Two: Multiverse Mayhem

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!reader (enemies reluctant co-workers to lovers)

Rating: 18+

Warnings: cw mentions of death, gore, trauma; the snap, violence, comic mischief, language

Word Count: 4k

Summary: The duo finds out what odds they're up against, but Loki has other plans.

A/N: Hey babes! I couldn't help but put in the work ASAP on this one. Gotta chase that hyper-fixation high. I'm ready to move into the "will they" part of this story! Sorry, for that slow burn, guys. Also, this doesn't necessarily join up at all with the series, but I threw a little nod in there, a little Professor Loki at the end. Enjoy 💕

Masterlist | Part One | Part Three

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged :)

“So, to summarize,” Loki drawled. “This is Earth-616, and it’s in danger.” Doctor Strange groaned, but nodded. Four hours. You had been listening to Doctor Strange for four hours. He had detailed the Multiverses, interdimensional travel, sling rings, all-powerful creatures more heinous than Thanos, and the ultimate demise of Earth-616--your Earth, your universe--and all Loki could do was joke.

You were reeling. Sure, you had considered the idea of other dimensions. You gulped as you tried to wrap your head around the gravity of the situation. There was a Multiverse jumper, Strange had given you all the information he could about the existence of multiverses and the area the villain was from, but couldn’t be more specific.

“Sure, in short. Now, listen, we don’t know who exactly is doing this. It would seem they’re working for Kang or Gah Lak Tus, but we aren’t certain of anything. We’re sending you for reconnaissance. Find out anything you can.”

“Yes, but why us? Why not the Guardians with Thor?” You asked. The tea in your hands too cold to enjoy, but you took a small sip anyway. You pulled a small face, and lowered the small cup again.

“They’re busy.” Strange told you without preamble.

“Well, so are we. He was just resurrected, and I’m technically homeless right now.” You argued, lifting the cup again, and taking another sip. The now pleasantly warm liquid tasted much better than it had even when you poured it. You raised an eyebrow at Loki, wondering if it was his magic, but he was looking at Strange, a small smirk on his lips.

“Then it should be less of a discussion. You’ll need to travel light, and neither of you are otherwise entangled. Now, do you recall our conversation of sling rings?” You nodded, and yelped when a thick bar ring appeared on your hand.

“I just focus?”

“Yes, visualize, focus and see the destination. Look beyond what you see. You know how to do that. This is the only way you’ll be able to travel through the multiverse, and I only have the one. You’ll have to travel together.”

“Okay. What about the Negative Zone?” You asked, your hand weighed down by the new accessory. The physical weight was negligible, but the mental weight left you straining.

“Start there. Remember Earth-616 is yours. Though it is unlikely anyone will refer to them as their numerical filing. What’s your job?” Strange asked, and you huffed, annoyed.

“Gather intel. We can handle it.” You snapped, and he lifted his hand.

Suddenly, a golden ring appeared before you, and on the other side an empty field.

“Go on, then.” Strange challenged, and you shot him a look, but walked through the portal.

You felt the portal close behind you, the energy rippling shut.

“That was strange.” Loki murmured, smoothing his leather jacket down. Without thinking, without pause, you replied.

“Doctor Strange.”

“That is not a good joke, darling.” Your eyebrows shot up.

“First, it definitely is. Second, ‘darling,’?” You asked.

“I told you, I refuse to call you ‘Stone,’ and you haven’t supplied anything else.” Loki argued, and began walking through the field. The grass, untouched, reached far up his long legs engulfing his waist, and you tried to pull your attention away from how he looked surrounded by the golden strands.

Celestial. God-like, you thought as you failed.

“Well, perhaps we should focus on the mission instead.” You cleared your throat as you walked to him. You tried to ignore how you had to incline your head to see him, failing again as you took in the height difference.

“Yes. I was thinking, we should perhaps change our clothes to fit in.” Loki mused, and you nodded.

“Good idea. Where are we?” You asked. It looked...vaguely Earth-like.

“How should I know? Aren’t you the one blessed with infinite knowledge?” He grumbled. You rubbed your palm down your face, and tried to perceive your location.

“I got nothing, Mayhem.” You mused, and began walking again.

“Casual linens, then?” Loki inquired, a ghost of a smile on his lips. You shrugged, and before you had relaxed your shoulders back down, you were draped in a dark green gown. You rolled your eyes at Loki’s shit-eating grin.

“Subtle.” You told him, gesturing down. He held his hands out in a shrug, and you laughed. He had matched his own ‘casual’ clothes in the same deep shade of green. You expected another jab, but instead he started walking away from you, and didn't break pace to see if you were coming. You jogged to catch him.

"Where are you going?" You asked, slightly out of breath. You were only just realizing how much taller he was than you. His long legs had carried him swiftly away from you in no time.

"Anywhere I please." He told you, barely looking down, but you could see his lips lifted in a smirk all the same.

"What do you mean?" You asked, looking around, wondering what destination he meant.

"Norns, woman, are you daft? I'm leaving. I'm free, finally. A better question for you would be: where are you going? Hmm? All that time on Midgard, now you're in space, darling. Where are you going to go?" He had broken stride to sneer down at you. You tried to hide your obvious shock at the sudden turn of emotion.

"To find the threat against our Galaxy. Why wouldn't you want to do the same?" You asked, malice lacing your tone. Here he was, wearing his true colors finally. The treacherous Loki, the one you'd been told about, the one you should've heeded the warnings about.

His nose crinkled in disgust, and you felt the vision coming before it hit. You'd seen this one a few times already, but nothing prepared you for it. You gasped for air as you felt Loki's throat being constricted, and winced when you felt the crunch of his neck.

His smug look told you he'd made that happen.

"I have a few reasons." He told you, his voice quiet and dangerous.

"We were chosen for a reason, Loki." You tried, grasping for any shred of logic that might convince him to stay. Treacherous or not, he had much more experience in space than you.

"Yes, we were. Isn't it obvious to you, yet? We were sent here to die." He held his arms out and gestured around at the field.

"What do you mean? It's just recon." You replied, noting his wingspan, the subtle way his lithe muscles pulled taut the fabric of his shirt.

"Oh yes, truly the omnipotent Dr. Strange would send a known liar and the newest avenger to stop a doom to the universe." He rolled his eyes and began walking away from you. You watched his hands trail lightly over the blades of grass, and knew he was right. You hated him for it, but he was. You had been pushing those feelings down since you had first found yourself in space looking at Loki. If this truly had the gravity Dr. Strange said it had, why wasn't he here? Or anyone of the other space faring avengers, or the guardians? Why were you sent here with Loki of all people?

You followed behind him, the grass reaching much higher on you, and contemplated your choices. You had the sling rings, so the options were endless. Yet, you kept coming back to the same one: do the job. Every fiber of your being told you Loki was right, but a small voice in the back of your mind told you he could be wrong. And it was enough.

You glanced up at your companion, his black hair curling at the edges of his collar, his back straight and proud, his shoulders broad and capable. He could handle himself in a fight, this much you knew. He'd be an asset. How would you convince him to stay? Trick him? Trick the God of Mischief? Surely you weren't dumb enough to try.

You threw your head back and looked at the sky. You knew you were. You knew you had to. You needed his help, but more than that, you actually wanted it. He was charming, after all.

"So, where exactly are you going, then?" You asked, breaking the steady silence. You watched his stride falter for a second as he turned to look at you.

"To the town." He told you, confidently.

"So, you do know where we are?"

"No."

"Then how would you know?" You challenged him.

"There'll be a town, eventually." He told you, clearly agitated at your questions.

"Sorry, just working out a few things." You told him, keeping your gaze averted. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

You kept your face passive as the wave of wariness washed over you. You had thrown your plan together in about three seconds, but already it was going perfectly.

Step one: make Loki suspicious. It was easy to do. He had no real reason to trust you. Plus, he had to be expecting it anyway.

It led to the rest of your plan. He’d “uncover” your deceit, and you’d go along acting caught in a lie. Then, you’d gain his trust for real. Finally, you trick him into actually helping you do some reconnaissance for Strange.

Easy peasy.

Now, just to find this town.

I’ll be damned.” You muttered when you first saw it. A light cascading in the sky, not the stars that littered it currently, but a new one. A man made, or alien made, one.

“Aha!” Loki called, looking at you expectantly.

“You did it!” You laughed, peering through the trees that stood between you and the source. Failing that, you reached out with your mind. No one was lingering about, so you focused on Loki. It was a mixture of joy and trepidation. It was all bitter endings.

He was planning a betrayal of his own, of course. What you couldn’t piece together is why he was feeling hesitant to do it. Clearly, he had worked out a way to get off-world.

“Perhaps we should make camp here.” He suggested, turning his steady gaze to you. You looked around, considering it. More open than the forest, but that could be helpful in a fight. Unlikely anyone would be able to sneak up on either of you. Especially if you took turns sleeping. But, didn’t you just feel his looming betrayal? Should you risk it so soon? You needed sleep. Would he leave you alone, asleep, in a field on an alien planet? Surely not. But could you trust it? Did you trust him?

“Okay, Mayhem. I’ll grab some firewood.” You told him, starting to head to the edge of the woods. He chuckled, and you heard the whoosh of a flame. You turned and your mouth fell open. He had conjured an entire campsite. The fire was contained within a stone structure, there was a clearing to sit, he’d even managed a few blankets.

"Surely this will suffice." He teased, a grin ghosting on his lips. You nodded, lamely, and grabbed a blanket.

"Can you be troubled with dinner?" You joked, and he raised an eyebrow at you.

"What do you want?" He asked, settling down onto the ground, long legs stretched before him.

"Oh I don't know, what's your favorite thing?" You mused, snuggling under the thick material. It was softer than cotton or wool, warm but not hot, heavy enough to provide weight without being unbearable. You closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling against your skin, and nearly dozed. He startled you when he began speaking.

"The perfect night-meal is a sampling of delicacies. But the most exquisite taste is fresh champagne from the springs on Alfheim. Poured lazily by the Pleasure Elves, of course." You laughed.

"Pleasure Elves and champagne springs, what the hell are we still doing here?" He chuckled and adjusted the blanket around his shoulders, before looking at you seriously.

"I will show you Alfheim, if you wish." You resisted shuddering under his intense gaze. You could barely meet his eyes, a deep, dark green that rivaled the evening forest.

"I'd like that, someday. For now, dinner. Can you do...pizza?" You asked, smiling broadly. He frowned, clearly disgusted.

"I could, but I would not. Is that truly what you crave? Greasy, unimaginative mortal food?" You shrugged. "Very well." With a flick of his wrist, he brought forth two wrapped sandwiches. Curious, you pulled the wrapper off and smiled happily.

"A cheeseburger! How is that better than pizza?" You asked, laughing and taking a bite. You watched him peel the wrapper with grace, only touching the burger with his fingertips.

"I'm not sure. Thor described them much better than they appear." He seemed vaguely disgusted.

"We could have had alien food." You told him, laughing at his discomfort. He rolled his eyes at you.

"Technically, darling, you're the alien here." His matter-of-fact tone wrecked your mood. The way he said "darling" was more like an insult. How could he conjure burgers and then ruin the moment so seamlessly.

You didn't respond, just silently tucked into your sandwich. You still needed to work out how you were going to break his trust anyway. It couldn't be too clever, you thought. Just clever enough that it seemed like it would work, but not clever enough that he would suspect another attempt.

You were so lost in thought that you didn't see the way he studied you, mapping your face, reveling in how the starlight splayed shadows on you. He had put you in green as a joke, but lounging fireside under the thick blanket, you looked at home in the deep shade of mid-summer forest green.

You finished the burger and tossed the wrapper remains into the fire. You turned to find Loki already looking at you, he lifted a corner of his mouth but remained silent.

"I'll take first watch." You told him, hiding a yawn behind your hand. He waved you off with a flick of his wrist.

"Sleep. I'll watch over you." He watched you as he spoke, and you felt his dark eyes on you as you snuggled your way into the blanket nest. The fatigue from the battle with Thanos, and the rush of adrenaline from finding Loki and talking with Dr. Strange, and the long walk through the field came crashing into you all at once. Your eyes closed of their own Accord, and your limbs followed soon after tingling with sleep.

"G'night, Mayhem." You mumbled, your mouth and brain mostly asleep. You were drifting off, even as you said it, but you heard his response.

"Good night, darling." You smiled as you fell further asleep, his tone softer than it had been.

As sleep began to take you under, quieter than before, you heard Loki mumble to himself.

"Damn. She's adorable." When you awoke, you wouldn't remember, as it were, you barely heard it at all. Proof, you thought dreamily. It was proof, that Loki wasn't all bad.

You blinked hard against the morning light and groaned as you rolled over. You remembered where you were quickly, the hard ground your first clue. The event of the previous day hit you at once, and you sat up quickly, scanning for Loki. You started to panic, he had slipped off during the night, and now you were alone on an unfamiliar world.

“Shit.” You cursed, rising to your feet.

“What?” You whirled on the voice and sighed deeply when you saw the God of Mischief staring back at you.

“I...thought you left.” You admitted, stretching your back out. His smile faltered a bit.

“I did not. I found breakfast.” He told you, tossing you something that looked like an apple. You smiled sheepishly.

“You didn’t wake me.” You said, and he merely shrugged. “You haven’t slept.” You continued, unsatisfied with his nonchalance.

“I was dead yesterday, darling. I think I can manage without one night’s rest.” You winced at his nickname for you. It dripped with venom and mistrust.

“Don’t act offended, Mayhem. Betrayal is literally your middle name.”

“What do you know of betrayal? Hmm?”

“Plenty. You may have cornered the market, but you didn’t trademark it.”

“I would not simply slink away in the dead of night. I am Loki, prince of Asgard, the rightful king of Jotunheim, and the God of Mischief, and I do not lurk in the shadows. My betrayal would be right in front of you, rest assured.” You scoffed, as you watched him pontificate.

“What do your titles get you here?” You asked and smiled in triumph when his face fell. You turned the fruit over in your hand, and looked back at him. “I’m sorry I thought you left, thanks for the fruit.” You mumbled, guilt already eating away at you. Why did his crestfallen face split you in two so quickly? You bit into the apple, and winced right away. It definitely wasn’t an apple. The texture was similar to a kiwi, but the flavor was unlike anything you’d ever had.

“It’s a local fruit, not one I’m familiar with.” He explained, his voice tight. “It isn’t dangerous.” You furrowed your brow to object, but he held his hands up. “I had one already to test it.”

“Thank you, Mayhem.” You told him, genuinely thankful. He waved the campsite away, and the two of you began your trek through the dense forest. The dark green clothes helped camouflage you as you picked your way through the vegetation, and while you knew he had done it to get a rise out of you, you were thankful to be out of the clingy spandex uniform you normally wore.

You had been training with Nat when the first power surge flowed through your fingertips, and the blast produced was golden. Nat must have alerted Tony, because within the hour you had a brand new, golden suit. You looked like an asshole, flying around in a shimmery gold suit, but no one would change it. Friday had told you to “Fuck off,” and that was the end of it. You’d become the Golden Avenger in the news, but everyone called you stone. It was a horrible joke, born out of horrible circumstances. You looked like a walking gauntlet, and you were treated that way too.

You focused harder on the ground, stepping around massive root systems, and avoiding areas where the ground had sunk into itself. Loki was right. You hated that you were thinking about it now. No one had truly accepted you as an avenger, except Nat. It was hard for them, you understood. The thing that gave you power was the same event that had destroyed them. But, it isn’t like you wanted it. You hadn’t asked Thanos to do this, you didn’t have control over the events that led to your origin. Yet, the first chance they got, they sent you away. You were the outlier, you were the uncertainty, and you were safer kept at arm's distance. Why else send you on an obvious goose chase with a wanted intergalactic villain?

You glanced at your traveling companion, and found him deep in thought as well. His brow was creased, and his mouth was set. He looked handsome, bathed in the filtered sunlight and the flecks of gold illuminated his dark features. He flicked his eyes at you, and relaxed his mouth into a small smile.

“Shouldn’t be long now.” He told you quietly, and you found yourself wondering what he was thinking about. His double-cross to you? You needed to hammer your own plan together, but it could wait, you thought. You didn’t want to think too hard about it.

“Good, it’ll be nice to get a real seat,” You laughed and he smirked at you. “Is Alfheim your favorite place?” You asked, thinking about the pleasure elves, you could see the appeal. He cocked his head to the side, a ghost of a real smile playing on his lips.

“No, Asgard was my favorite place.” He murmured, and you wanted to disappear. Of course, his world was just destroyed, what a dumb question.

“Sorry Mayhem, I didn’t think…” Your apology died on your tongue, as he began chuckling.

“Don’t fret, darling. I’m not that fragile.” He teased. Your heart was firmly lodged in your throat, stuck from embarrassment, but remaining still as you realized he had softened your nickname. No longer did your skin crawl, instead, a warmth spread through your chest. His soft tone had rendered you speechless, dumbfounded, but you hoped he wouldn’t notice. What could you say? I was embarrassed at having brought up a potentially sensitive subject, and then you called me a flirty name and now my tongue is heavy. Why would it even matter? You were going to betray him, and then he would betray you. It was what your master plan was hinged on. Who cared if he was soft and pretty?

“Truly, it is not an issue.” He continued, confused, searching your face.

“Tell me about it?” You managed to squeak out, and you caught the look he gave you, the look of skepticism.

“It was a Golden City, built up in the mountains, and the rainbow bridge connected it to the bifrost. It was devastatingly beautiful. That was only the Palace, though. The forests around the city were as cruel as they were beautiful. It truly was a world fit for gods.” He looked wistful, and you pretended not to see the tears welling up. “Where is your favorite place?” He asked abruptly, and you smiled happily.

“You remember that place I took you yesterday, when I plucked you from the debris in space?” You asked, waiting for an answer. When he nodded, you continued. “It was my attempt at freedom. I had just broken up with a man who controlled me, and well, it was a little crappy, but it was mine, y’know? I had just gotten back in touch with my family who I had been cut off from, and it was so right. I was only there for a few months before Thanos’ attack.” You told him, fiddling with your sleeve, swallowing hard. “It was the first taste of happiness I had, and then it was taken from me just as suddenly as I had gotten it.” You wiped your eyes and cleared your throat.

“I know a great deal about that, darling.” He reassured you, and you were surprised to feel the pressure of his hand on your back. You gave him a tight small, and felt the smallest tendrils of affection reaching out to you. You widened your smile and turned to the forest before you.

“What’s your favorite power, then?” You asked, falling in step beside him. He laughed.

“Power?” He asked, and you rolled your eyes.

“Yes, your powers?” You wiggled your fingers, knowing he’d never done anything like that.

“It’s magic, darling.” He rolled his eyes at you, but you could tell it was playful.

“Whatever, your magic. What’s your favorite spell?” He chuckled at you.

“Duplication-casting, then.” You raised an eyebrow.

“What’s that? Conjuring?”

“They’re two completely different powers.” He explained with a long, suffering sigh.

“So, they are “powers” now?” You asked, laughing.

“Norns, you are so aggravating.” He huffed.

“Well, why duplication-casting? Why not the poison one?” You asked. He raised an eyebrow.

“What poison one?” He asked, looking confused.

“You can have poison without it hurting you.” You told him plainly.

“No, I cannot.” He was genuinely confused at this point, and you held your hands up.

“But you tested the fruit for me.” You told him, confused. He blinked slowly at you, and your face fell in realization. He had been protecting you. And immediately you treated him like a monster.

“Mayhem, I’m…” He fixed his lips into a small line. You were trying to form an apology, clearly you were the one deserving the monster treatment. You had actively plotted against him since you had landed, and he had done nothing but try to make you comfortable. He raised a finger to his lips, his face hard. You heard it then, the crunching of leaves and splintering of sticks underfoot. You were no longer alone with the God of Mischief.

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zoufantastical · 3 years

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Can I ask you something? What’s so bad about shipping the veterans with the scouts? You also said about how adults need to have responsibilities because they are shipping “teenagers” with adults because there can be children here but isn’t that the responsibility of the parents? Like I’m trying to see what your point is because at the end of the day it IS fiction. People shouldn’t be called out for shipping what they want. It doesn’t hurt anyone in real life. And you tagged those ships so I know you aren’t doing this for the children of this site but because you want to get attention. I’ll like to see how you explain that.

Oh boy an account that very obviously looks new. It’s starting y’all. Let’s see here. The question should be WHY you want to ship them with each other.

(Kinda long post incoming!!)

Is it the aesthetic? Is it because it looks “hawt”? It can’t possibly all be because of the moments they had in the manga/anime.

You specified that and called them veterans. So using that word you are already aware that there is not only a noticeable age difference/gap but experience/power.

Let’s also take a look at the timeline.

The four year time skip started around March 2017. The rest of the scouts don't make their debut around chapter 102, which was around February 2018. Which means every veteran x scout shipper waited NINE YEARS to FINALLY have some sort of excuse to ship them, even though their new age of 19 from over mid 30+ is still such a large age gap.

Before that, people were WILLINGLY SHIPPING 15/16 YEAR OLDS WITH ADULTS. ADULTS OVER 30+ and even if they were younger, like 20-30, THAT IS STILL A LARGE AGE GAP. I am an adult over 21 and I'll be DAMNED if I ever get close and romantic with a teen. Do you have any idea of the explicit artwork and fics there are around depicting exactly that type of relationship that will not only have you shunned by society but probably have you in a jail cell as well? Not only that but there are fics/artwork that ages them up. Gee, I wonder WHY you have to do that?

The fiction excuse has been dragged through the mud so many times. While it being fictional doesn't automatically makes you a pedo/groomer/incestuous person, it does makes you morally questionable. Why does something have to be fictional for you to willingly want to persue such ship? It's the fiction part that makes me call people out. Because lets face it: the fictional world and the real world is a blurred line.

If you really think about it, fictional media does have an impact on our every day lives. The way we consume it and go about it. The way it can affect our lives and even the views of society. So when people throw at me "iTs fIcTiOn" I know they have nothing else to say. If you need something to not be (barely) real to want to be a fan of something morally and legally wrong in the real world, then people around you have every right to question you.

Pursuing something specific like what I'm talking about in fiction can speak volumes of you as a person and your values. So saying it doesnt "hurt anyone in real life" is a lie. Fiction has a great grasp over our lives. It has also been responsible and consequential to certain conducts in society. Fiction CAN hurt lives in reality.

Some of you may think I'm exaggerating but this is real, no pun intended.

In regards to kids, many of the people who ship ereri or rivamika etc are impressionable. Yes parents should monitor them but do you expect them to on every move? Especially if YOU as an ADULT contribute to the same media parents try to teach them it's wrong and avoid? I mean yikes when did we become so ignorant and not care about others because your twisted desires are involved..that's such a sad thought. Tumblr obviously is a melting pot of other shit but taking kids out of the equation what about impressionable recent adults, especially the ones who believe they already know everything?

As I earlier said, the way we consume media does affect us.

Drifting from fiction, have you ever thought about the author himself? As in ISAYAMA? If you ship any of the 104th with a veteran, do you believe if this was acceptable in any way, Isayama would have found a way to include it in his story? That's right actually he HAS!

Have you forgotten when (trigger warning: sexual assault) Armin dressed as Historia was sexually assaulted by a man around the veterans age? Oh, so that time it was wrong but because the veterans are good looking it doesn't count if they ever tried to reach the 104th romantically/sexually? Oh you forgotten how the fandom was disgusted at this scene? So you already know Isayama will NEVER approve something like this since he already put a similar situation in a negative light.

This is a long post but yeah that's the most "shorten" in depth of why I can give you all. Between these questions and the gabi hate posts, I'm beginning to wonder if its a good idea having this open question posts thing 😂

Thanks for reading if any of yall did. Yes I am messy I will tag the posts. Block me or whatever I don't care. If it reaches even one person to consider on what they are doing, then so be it. So yeah I'm doing it for attention...isn't that literally the reason any of us posts here? 😂😂😂

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