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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 3 years

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Fight Club

Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: Everyone will say Jason Todd is protective of the people he loves. But sometimes independence is more important than protecting.

Word Count: 4,000 [One Shot]

Warnings: harassment, stalking, general daily discomfort that women have to deal with

Y/N was so fucking tired.

It was a miracle that she hadn’t fallen asleep on the bus home from work.

But anyone with half a brain knew that doing so in Gotham was basically asking to get robbed or worse.

Never fall asleep on public transit. Only buy purses and wallets that zip close. Never leave any personal belongings alone in public. Never use an ATM at night. Only take well-traveled and well-lit routes. Always be aware of your surroundings.

These were the unwritten rules of living in Gotham. It was how you stayed safe, how you stayed alive. But even when one followed them strictly, that didn’t insure that they would always be safe.

Which is why Y/N noticed a middle-aged man staring her down on the bus. He knew what he was doing. He knew that he was making her uncomfortable. He was clearly getting off on it.

Y/N just blasted the music in her headphones and pretended not to notice. But she could feel his leering and it made her stomach twist into knots.

She looked down at her watch: 6PM.

Y/N knew she could call Jason. She knew this.

It would take her all of 30 seconds to explain the situation, Jason would instantly understand and then be waiting at her bus stop for her, ready to escort her home safely and glare at whoever had made her uncomfortable.

But Jason was probably sleeping still.

Last night, he’d returned from patrol needing stitches and had so many bruises scattered across his face that Y/N kept messing up her counting. She was also suspicious that his right hand was broken, but Jason brushed if off so smoothly that she let it slide.

The point was that Y/N had managed to force pain meds on her boyfriend. Jason always slept until late afternoon after patrols anyways, basically becoming nocturnal since he often wouldn’t get back until 5AM.

The meds were meant to make him sleep all day and force him to recover.

The stubborn part of Y/N didn’t want to prevent Jason from getting his much needed recovery and rest.

Except this guy didn’t plan on just staring at her.

When he saw that she was getting off at the stop that was just announced, he too stood up from his seat and moved to the other exit that she wasn’t using.

Y/N was aware of all of this, making sure to track him subtly through the corner of her gaze. It was from the conditioning that all women unfortunately had to go through, whether they realized or not.

Without turning around, she caught his reflection in the window of a building she walked past. He kept a distance to remain unsuspicious, but it was obvious that he was following her.

Y/N tried to subtly walk faster. But she also realized she couldn’t go straight home now. Even with Red Hood being her live-in boyfriend, there was no way she was letting this creep know where she lived.

She started taking a strange route, making weird turns. But it was hard not to lose him without fully running, which she didn’t want to do until it felt absolutely necessary.

But then she came upon a coffeeshop that she knew had a front and back entrance.

She quickly went inside and pretended to get in line for coffee. But when she looked for the man in the corner of her eye, he wasn’t going to come in. Instead, he decided to linger outside and wait for her to come out.

Y/N subtly left the line and made for the back exit.

‘Now it’s time to run,’ she thought to herself.

Y/N was grateful that she had decided to wear stylish sneakers today instead of heels.

By the time she reached the steps of her apartment building, she was breathing heavily. She had been looking over her shoulder every few feet to make sure the creep didn’t get smart.

When she reached her door, she made sure to be quiet in case Jason was still sleeping. Then when she reached the bedroom and quietly opened the door, her mountain of a boyfriend was still passed out in bed with his face pressed into her pillow.

Y/N decided to get started on dinner and quietly moved about the kitchen.

But no matter how much she tried to concentrate on her cooking, her mind kept returning to the man who had tried to follow her home.

What would he have done if he found out where she lived?

Did he plan on grabbing her before she got there?

Did he just get off on making women scared?

Was he planning on raping her? Abducting her? Killing her?

The more Y/N thought about it, the more her fear shifted into rage. Why was it so much more unsafe for women to just merely exist in the world?

But she had no intention of telling Jason.

He would be furious. Not at her, at a man who thought it was OK to even make his girlfriend feel uncomfortable and unsafe – let alone any woman. He would go on a hunt for him and teach him a lesson.

Jason Todd was protective of the people he loved and the innocent – of which Y/N was both. But he also had a bad temper. And whoever was the reason for it starting up better run for their life because Red Hood was not a merciful man and his morals were unpredictable.

So, no. Y/N was not planning on telling her boyfriend, who was also secretly a vigilante with rage issues, about the man who ogled her on public transit and tried to follow her home.

But Y/N was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear said boyfriend finally wake up.

Next thing she knew, someone was slowly wrapping their arms around her waist.

Y/N jumped.

Obviously it was Jason. She knew that. This was not uncommon behavior for him.

But after the day she had and being lost in her thoughts, the feeling of someone’s touch scared the life out of her.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jason immediately muttered in a whisper at her reaction. “It’s just me.”

Y/N turned around in hopes of easing any worry before he asked any questions.

“Sorry,” she gasped. “I didn’t hear you wake up.”

But Jason narrowed his gaze at the crazed look in her eyes. He could somehow feel her heart racing as he gripped her torso, and traced lines up and down her rib cage with his thumbs in an attempt to soothe her.

“What happened?” He asked as he brushed some hair out of her face.

“Nothing. I’m fine. I was just in my head and zoning out, so you scared me.”

Jason was basically a human lie detector. So he raised an eyebrow at her attempt.

“Y/N,” he warned.

She sighed and shook her head. “Promise you’ll just listen? That you won’t freak out?”

Now Jason was even more worried. “Y/N, what happened?”

She sighed again, knowing it was pointless to ask him not to freak out when it came to her. Now all she could hope for is that she’d be able to calm him down.

Y/N explained what happened to Jason: the bus, the following, the running to make sure a threatening stranger didn’t follow her home.

She could see Jason’s body getting more and more tense, and his expression angrier and angrier. His hands clenched into fits. His posture straightened with purpose.

“Did he grab you? Did he touch you?” Jason asked as soon as he was sure she was done with her whole story.

“No, but…” her words died out.

“He didn’t have to for you to feel violate,” Jason offered her.

Y/N nodded and hung her head.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Jason asked softly.

“I…I don’t know. I wanted to you to rest.” Then Y/N really thought about it. “And despite his intentions being very clear…there was still a voice in my head telling me not to overreact, that there was a small chance I was being paranoid.”

“Y/N, even if you had been wrong, I would’ve rather you felt safe than worry about being wrong. I wouldn’t have been mad at you, or even annoyed.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Y/N.” Jason sighed and pulled her into his arms. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just love you and want you to be safe.”

She nodded into his shoulder.

———

For the next week, Jason was waiting for Y/N every day after work at her bus stop to walk her home. She didn’t ask him to or even suggest it. But Jason knew she was still shaken after the incident. And the last thing he wanted was his girlfriend living in fear.

On the eighth day of him doing this, Y/N finally spoke up.

“Jason, ya know, you can’t do this forever…”

“I know,” he smirked.

“Why are you smiling?”

“How would you feel about me teaching you some self defense?”

Y/N stopped walking and turned to face him. “Are you messing with me?”

“Nope.”

———

The next weekend, Y/N found herself in the bat cave with her boyfriend, both of them in workout clothes.

“First things first, you have to gain your strength. I can teach you all the moves I want, but you have to make sure your body is in the right condition to defend yourself. And I don’t mean just physically. Confidence is key, beautiful.”

Y/N rolled her eyes at the last part, but still smiled.

“Did we have to have an audience?” She asked as she looked over to see that Tim was on the computer, and Dick and Barbara were working out together.

“Ignore them.”

The next couple of hours, Jason taught Y/N all of the basics of self defense. Especially the tips that benefitted women.

Eye strike. Knee to the groin. Heel-palm attack. Elbow hit. How to escape from a bear-hug attack. How to free herself from a choke hold. How to get out of a headlock.

Y/N was covered with sweat. Meanwhile, Jason looked as put together as he had when they started.

“OK,” she finally said with hands on her hips as she tried to catch her breath. “But if someone that’s the same size as me tried to attack me, I don’t have a chance.”

Jason tilted his head to the side. “And who said that?”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “J, come on. Look at you! Do you really think I would be able to get away – no matter how hard I tried?”

She looked her boyfriend up and down. He was built like a tank, standing at 6’3 and with an almost inhuman width. Just his thighs seemed bigger than her torso.

While Y/N loved cuddly with her giant teddy bear of a boyfriend, she had mercy for anyone that decided to pick a fight with Jason Todd or Red Hood. They didn’t stand a chance.

“Size isn’t everything,” Jason told her with a wink.

She rolled her eyes again.

“Dick! Barbara! Can you come here for a sec?”

“What’s up?” Dick asked with Barbara by his side.

“Y/N thinks that she’d never be able to take on someone bigger than her,” Jason shared with them.

Barbara didn’t even bother trying to hide her laughter.

Dick smirked. “It’ll take a lot of training, Y/N. But don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to kick Jason’s ass. Until then, let us know if he’s giving you any trouble and we’ll handle him for you.”

Jason glared at his older brother, but chose not to give his usual sarcastic retorts. He turned his attention back to Y/N instead. “Dicky here is 5’10 and about 175. Meanwhile, Babs is 5’6 and can’t weigh more than 120.”

Barbara crossed her arms. “Didn’t you ever learn that it’s not polite to comment on a woman’s weight?”

Jason gave her an apologetic look but he knew she wasn’t actually offended. “The point is that I’ve seen Barbara hand Dick his ass more times than I can count. Not to mention guys twice her size.”

Then he looked at the couple and gestured to the sparring mat. “Would you be so kind?”

Dick didn’t seem to have any issue with facing off with his girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Barbara looked excited.

As the two of them began sparring, Jason lowered his voice down to Y/N and pointed out Barbara’s strategies and moves. Then he would explain how she was manipulating her smaller frame and turning it into an advantage.

Next thing Y/N knew, Barbara had Dick on the floor.

Dick was beaming up at his girlfriend with nothing but pride and awe.

“See?” Jason muttered quietly in Y/N’s ear.

Barbara laughed and held a hand to help Dick up. He jumped back onto his feet and gave his girlfriend a kiss.

“What’s going on?” A voice said at the bottom of the stairs.

They all turned to see Damian had entered the Bat Cave.

“Teaching Y/N some self defense,” Jason shrugged.

Damian sighed. “I do not understand why society does not train women to defend themselves – especially when they are not protected from evil men.”

Y/N laughed. “Not everyone was raised by a league of assassins, Damian.”

But then Damian’s words hit her again in a different way. She spaced out for a moment.

Jason looked at her with concern. “You OK?”

She just nodded.

He wasn’t convinced, but let her be. “I think that’s enough training for today.”

Jason’s brothers convinced him and Y/N to stay for a family movie night.

They used Jason’s old room to shower, since Y/N was covered in sweat by the end of her self defense lesson. Jason gave her some of his old clothes for her to wear that he’d left behind.

When they got to the theatre room, Jason could tell how exhausted Y/N was. She was going to be sore tomorrow – probably for a few days, actually.

She curled into Jason as they grabbed one of the love seats. In moments like these, Jason was always amused how she seemed more like his pet cat than his girlfriend.

Dick and Barbara cuddled together, as well.

Damian brought a book, pretended to already be bored, and acted like he was forced to join family movie night.

Tim brought in his laptop so he could continue to work.

Alfred brought them snacks every so often.

Even Bruce came in halfway through the movie, making his entrance so subtle that they almost didn’t notice.

But lo and behold, not even 15 minutes into the movie, Y/N had passed out.

Jason ended up having to carry her to his car after the movie – not that he minded in the slightest – and drive home as smoothly as possible, so he didn’t wake her.

———

A few days later, Y/N found Jason reading while lounging on the couch in the living room of their shared apartment.

She hopped on beside him, laying across his chest and sliding underneath his book.

Jason chuckled at her antics and put his book down, realizing she wanted his full attention and not just to snuggle while he continued to read.

“So, I was thinking…” Y/N began.

“Mhmm,” Jason hummed.

“I’m not the only woman in Gotham who’s been harassed. You of all people know that – probably better than I do.”

Jason’s amusement disappeared as he listened to where she was going.

“Did you know that in most big cities, there are almost always more women than men?”

“I did not.”

Then she sat up straight, but remained close to him. “But Gotham is the only major American city where there are 20% more men than women.” She waited for him to interrupt, but he just continued to pay close attention. “Researchers believe it’s because of the high crime rate in Gotham, and therefore it’s even more unsafe for women to live here than men.”

“Makes sense,” Jason agreed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“When you started giving me self-defense lessons and then Damian made the comment about no one training women, I kept thinking how other women don’t have a family of vigilantes to keep them safe or teach them how to defend themselves.”

“I’ve seen enough of this city to know that you’re right,” Jason commented darkly.

“Exactly.”

“You still haven’t explained why we’re talking about this…”

“Right,” Y/N smiled embarrassingly. “What if we – I don’t know – started a center for women to learn what you taught me. Completely pro bono. Like a…”

“Fight Club?” Jason offered with a smirk.

“Well, not exactly. But kinda,” Y/N giggled.

Then she frowned as her mind was still working all of it out. “I just don’t know who could teach it. You and your family are already too busy. Teaching women how to defend themselves is a little beneath you…”

“First of all, it’s not beneath us. But you’re right: Dick barely has a second to spend with Babs. Tim is so sleep deprived that he’s just gonna collapse one day. It also wouldn’t be smart for our cover and show that all the Wayne kids can hold themselves in a fight. People might start putting things together...”

“Right,” Y/N agreed and looked further disappointed.

“Hey,” Jason said with an encouraging smile and lifted her chin to look at him. “It’s a good idea. And between my brothers and me, we know plenty of retired heroes that would be more than willing to help out.”

Y/N’s eyes brightened. “Really?”

He nodded. “Dinah, Roy, Wally and Artemis. Hell, I bet if Bruce mentioned it to Diana, she’d smuggle in some Amazons to really show ‘em.”

Y/N smiled at the idea.

“You should tell Bruce,” Jason added.

“Bruce?”

“He has a habit of blindly writing checks for a good cause. I bet he’d just straight up buy you a warehouse to hold classes in.”

She frowned. “I don’t – won’t he feel like I’m taking advantage of him?”

Jason laughed. “I know he’s shit at showing it, but Bruce likes you. And I think he’d be more than happy to help.”

Y/N’s eyes glazed over. “Bruce Wayne likes me?”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t let it get to your head…”

“So, you think this is a good idea?”

Jason couldn’t help himself when she looked this adorable and excited. He grabbed her torso and flipped them so her back was on the couch and he was now hovering above her.

“I think it’s a great idea,” he told her softly before kissing her.

But before Y/N could push the intimacy any further, Jason pulled away from her lips.

“I have to tell you something,” his voice suddenly went serious.

Y/N’s smile dropped. “What? What is it?”

“I know you didn’t want me to…”

Then she sat up, lightly pushing Jason off of her. “Christ, Jason. What did you do?”

He took in a quick breath. “I found him.”

“Found who?”

“The guy who followed you.”

“Fuck,” Y/N put her hands over her face. “Jason. God. What the fuck.” “I know! I know. I should’ve told you sooner.”

Y/N rubbed her face and looked at him. “Please, please tell you didn’t kill him.”

Jason had the audacity to roll his eyes. “I didn’t kill him, OK? Happy?”

“No, I’m not happy! You went after him when I explicitly asked you not to!”

“Did you forget that the guy you’re dating is also a vigilante? In what world did you expect me to not look him up?” He shook his head in wonder. “I mean, the idiot’s face was all over the public transit database I hacked when I looked up the footage from the cameras on your bus – not to mention the footage from half the storefronts you walked by.”

Y/N only glared at him.

“Don’t be mad,” he requested.

“Well, I am.”

Jason sighed. Then he scooted closer, hoping she’d allow it. “Look, I get what’s going on. And I get why you want to help all these women.”

She eyed him, but let him continue.

“I’m sure it’s hard to believe, but I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t protect yourself.” He cleared his throat, catching himself. “I know it’s not the same as what women have to deal with on a daily basis. I’ll never really know what that’s like.”

Jason kept all the terrible things he’d seen on patrol to himself. But there were things he knew would terrify and traumatize her. Because of this, Jason wasn’t as oblivious to the suffering of women as the majority of men were. Or maybe he just chose to actually acknowledge it and care.

He took in a deep breath. “But I just hated the idea of someone doing that to you. And I know there’s probably a million times its happened and you haven’t told me, or you didn’t even notice because you’ve gotten so used to it. I just…I couldn’t let him get away with it.”

Jason paused to let her process his excuse. He’d be the first to admit it wasn’t a good one.

But Jason Todd was fiercely protective of the people he loved. And Red Hood’s sole purpose was to protect the those who couldn’t protect themselves – no matter the cost.

So when his girlfriend was troubled enough to lose sleep or zoned out constantly to rehash what happened, he was going to do something about it.

Jason was fully aware of his anger issues. But he also learned how to redirect them to be something a bit more productive.

“So…what did you do to him?” Y/N asked nervously.

He gave her a look, silently asking her if she really wanted to know.

“Jason…” she warned him.

“He had a record, OK? Let’s just say you weren’t the first woman he’s done that to. And a lot of them weren’t as lucky as you. So he got what he fucking deserved.”

“And what is that?” She pushed, refusing to let him gloss over it so easily.

Jason rolled his eyes. “I roughed him up a bit, alright? Told him I’d be watching. Scared the shit out of him enough that, hopefully, he won’t ever pull that shit again.”

Y/N let out a laugh and shook her head at him.

Jason would take her amusement over her anger any day, even if she was teasing him.

“What?” He asked through a grin.

She bopped his nose. “So protective over me.”

Jason had enough of the distance between them.

He moved her body so she had no choice but to sit on his lap. “‘Course I am.”

Then he kissed her. But when he pulled away, his face was rather thoughtful.

“You’re not going to feel helpless forever, ya know.”

They were words to comfort her. Because deep down Jason knew that promising to always be there for her wasn’t going to make her feel better. She wanted him as her boyfriend, not her bodyguard – despite Jason being more than happy to be both for her.

“I know,” Y/N confirmed with a shy smile.

-------------------------------------

Whatcha think?

#jason todd x reader #jason todd reader insert #batfam #batboys #batman family #dick grayson #barbara gordon #damian wayne #red hood #red hood x reader #red hood reader insert #jason todd fic #dc #tim drake #red hood fic

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mieohmy · 3 years

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𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖨 𝖲𝖺𝗐 𝖸𝗈𝗎 | 𝖧𝗎𝖺𝗇𝗀 𝖱𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗎𝗇

PAIRING: huang renjun x temp blind! reader

GENRE: angst (with a happy ending), fluff, humor, strangers-to-lovers, shared dreams! au, soulmate! au, college au

WC: 7.6k

NOTES: reader is temporarily blind, cursing, mentions of a car accident, trauma, slight anxiety and depression, mentions of injuries/hospitals

SUMMARY: dreams are your place where you feel alive -feel like yourself. the only place you can still see. which means you don’t want to share them. not with this random guy who keeps appearing in them, and especially not since he seems so real -almost like he actually exists in the real world outside of your dreams, but that couldn’t be possible... right?

oof this is late- anyways, it’s this beautiful soul’s birthday today <3

hbd to our fairy renjunnie !

Three months. Three months stuck in that space.

And all because of a reckless driver. Like they all say, it happened so fast. A single glance of the road. It seemed clear, the pedestrian sign flashing even.

Then was the rush of a car engine coming closer.

You suppose it was also your fault. Whoever it was that caused a notification to ping on your phone. It was an almost natural instinct to take it out and check.

But you were never able to find out.

One of the scariest things in the world is to wake up and wonder why the world is an empty canvas.

Why you have so many questions that can’t be answered.

Why you can’t see the spring anymore.

The doctors said it was temporary. Some kind of head trauma from the accident caused whatever nerves to swell in your eyes.

And that’s why you could no longer see the day. or night. anything.

“It’ll eventually return to normal, and you’ll be able to see again. Just give it time.”

So why has it been three months and nothing except dark moving shadows and pain?

“I’m sorry, we’re not sure how long it’s gonna last. Let’s just wait and see.”

But how much time did you have to give?

You were sent home in the end. The other injuries were much more minor, and you were just prolonging your stay.

Only because you wanted to know. You wanted to know it would all go away. That it would be okay.

You just so desperately wanted to see once more.

They only gave you ambiguous answers. Answers that only made the scratchy and uncomfortable sensation inside you grow bigger.

And here you were now. Four months after the incident and barely living on your own. Sight not improving in the slightest bit.

You lived separately from your parents, far away because of college. They helped you with all the hospital and stupid complicated health stuff, but there wasn’t much else they could do. There was no choice for them but to work hard and earn money instead of assisting you since bills were shit expensive.

You assured them it was fine, you would learn how to deal with everything.

Friends were a different issue. The thing was, you didn’t have very many considering you just moved to a new school, but the few you did were kind and understanding.

Except you never told them about the incident. Maybe because you were in denial. Maybe cause you were ashamed of yourself for ignoring them and cutting them out of your life. Because they got to see and experience everything they wanted while you were stuck behind.

And then you were truly alone. Alone with the faint light and shadows you were still sort of able to see.

Siri basically became your best friend. You never realized how helpful it could be. Just ask, and it would tell you everything you needed to know.

To be honest, there wasn’t much to do. You weren’t able to attend your classes for the time being, and there wasn’t much you could to do without seeing.

It was hard to adjust to life without your sight. There were a lot of things you couldn’t do without your sight. A lot of things were knocked over. A lot of bruises on your body from bumping into obstacles. That’s probably why you barely went out, only ever leaving your place for necessary resources to live.

This is not permanent. It’ll all go away soon.

You constantly told yourself that, repeating it in the morning. At night before you went to bed. But deep inside, you knew the real reason for everything. The denial, stubbornness.

The answer was clear.

Fear.

The fear of a permanent life without being able to fully experience the world.

The fear of what your life would become without having the chance to achieve all your dreams and goals.

You knew you should be grateful. For being able to see from birth until now. You survived your accident with mostly minor injuries. Occasionally, you would get intense migraines- one where you could barely move- but you truly didn’t want to go back to that place to get it checked. You didn’t even want to leave your home.

At least you could still move and function properly for the most part.

But it didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt.

There was one thing. When your eyes closed for the day- when everything was okay.

Because there was no need to feel any emotions asleep.

But also because of the dreams. Mainly because of the dreams.

It wasn’t every day. You would absolutely love to dream every night, but if you did, then something must not be right.

The power to dream and be able to recall everything in the world before you lost it all would be your one wish if anyone asked.

Sure, you could just close your eyes and remember whatever you wanted, but it wasn’t the same.

Dreams were like a story. A story you wanted to read. And you could only do it because of your memories.

Thank the universe for memories. Ones that allowed you to still remember and see again in dreams.

They were the one thing connecting you to the real world.

The weird thing is, sometimes you would dream and be able to choose what you wanted to say and do. It was just like playing a fun game where you could do whatever you wished.

But it didn’t always happen. it only occurred on occasion. Why? You had no clue.

But even so, you’ve never had a stranger appear in one of your dreams before.

ꔫ

You couldn’t recall everything that happened in last night’s dream, but when you woke up, a strange face was the only image stuck in your brain.

You’re sure you’ve never seen him before.

Can brains make up random faces? Or maybe you just made up a fictional character because of loneliness?

Either way, he’s the only thing you can clearly remember.

Your eyes flick open, and it’s the same nothingness.

But his face lingers. Pretty and delicate eyes. Brown hair that flutters in the wind and a gentle smile that sucks you in.

Who are you?

Whoever this person was, you hope to dream about him again.

ꔫ

And he does show up a few weeks later. Or has it been a month? You were really losing track of the days, especially now more than ever.

This time, the image of him is stronger in your head, burning into your skull.

And you curse yourself for not remembering any more than his face.

You rack your brain, trying your best to just think.

Why do some people forget their dreams immediately when they wake up? When it feels like you’re just in one, but your mind starts up again for the day, and the dream vanishes just like that?

You so desperately want to know.

You can faintly remember images of a grassy meadow? Flowers? You don't recall any field that you’ve been to, but maybe it’s just somewhere you’ve forgotten about... Perhaps your mind just made your dream to be located there.

As you get up for the day, you still wish to dream about him. A dream where you can fully control yourself and find this imaginary character you created in your head. Whoever he is.

ꔫ

And the world grants you that one wish.

It’s been a while since you last dreamed. But of course, you never forgot him.

The setting sun is the first thing that catches your attention.

Immediately, you smile, standing up and brushing yourself off.

The place is faintly familiar, a beach. You know which one. The one your parents used to take you when you were little.

It looks exactly the same as you remember, but this was the first time you’ve ever dreamed about this specific place before.

Then sounds of footsteps approaching make you look up.

It’s him.

The fictional character somehow procured from basically nowhere.

What’s strange is that you didn’t even notice how the two of you were now sitting by the shore, watching the waves flow in and out.

What’s even stranger is that you don’t question it, and neither does he.

But you do take the chance to look at him, admiring his face.

“What’s your name?”

He looks startled like he never expected you to speak.

“Oh. Uh, R-Renjun.”

“Renjun,” you pronounce. The name feels unfamiliar on your tongue.

Now how did your mind come up with a unique name like that?

You shrug, letting the dream continue on its own.

But wait, you realize, if you were able to ask and think your own thoughts not according to the dream’s... that means you can control this-

Your eyes snap open. You can see nothing. And feel an oncoming headache.

Damn it.

ꔫ

You want to know why you’re so curious about this ‘character’. Why you want to see him over and over again without ever getting bored.

It’s just a dream. Or, several dreams that he’s appeared in by now.

That could be it, you suppose.

You usually didn’t have about the same person, or in your case, the same ‘character’ appear in your dream three times in a row.

But for some reason, you appreciated having your own imaginary friend in your dreams.

He wasn’t a real person. He wasn’t someone you had to watch out for. You could act however you wanted to him and he probably wouldn’t care.

Wait-no, you correct yourself. He has a name. A name that seems so far but so close at the same time.

Renjun.

You go to sleep chanting his name in your head over and over again.

ꔫ

“Wait... Renjun!”

A satisfied grin appears on your face from having remembered his name.

You stroll along the forest path, an unfamiliar one that you don’t particularly remember ever going to, but you shrug it off and continue towards him.

It’s been a while since you’ve last seen him, not having dreamed for a while.

His eyes widen, taking you in. “Whoa. You’re here again?”

You frown. “Um... yes? It’s nice to see you.”

Renjun nods hesitantly. “You too, uh....”

“Y/n!” you beam. You’re not sure why you’re so happy to see him, but any company is still company, so no complaining.

Since you figured you were able to control yourself in this dream, might as well take the opportunity.

If your brain was able to give him a name and a *cough* pretty *cough* face, he must have a personality. And what better than to get to know ‘renjun’ while you still had dreams about him?

“Do you want to walk together?”

He shrugs.

And since it’s your dream, right? you start on the path, knowing he’s gonna follow you anyways.

You reach an opening overlooking some city. It’s unfamiliar, but the sight is too pretty you don’t think much of it.

You can’t take your eyes away, the view one you’ve never seen before. One that wasn’t from your memories, and it almost blinds you. Especially since you haven’t been able to experience anything new in a while because of... everything at the moment.

“It’s beautiful,” you breathe.

“It is,” Renjun agrees.

Why is it so natural for you to sit next to him, get along with him?

“I haven’t been able to go out like this for a while, so it’s a lot to take in at once.”

He glances at you.

“Really? Why?”

Suddenly the air feels tightening.

“Um. Health stuff. I guess.”

Renjun nods. “That’s understandable. But going out might be good for you. It’s nice to get a little fresh air every once in a while.”

His words hit differently. It rings inside of you, making you sit up.

“You’re right, Renjun. I should go out more.” Your voice is quiet but smooth.

Suddenly, he laughs. It’s a beautiful sound flowing out in a beautiful place.

“I say that, but honestly, I’m also holed up inside all day. I need to go out more too.”

You don’t get what he means by that- why does it matter to a non-existent person how often they go outside?- but the feeling of just being here is incredible. You can’t waste your time in this dream pondering on pointless thoughts.

“You should take advantage of it. You never know what could happen one day. Never take things for granted.” You finish, voice suddenly serious.

He looks surprised. “Oh. I suppose you’re right. Thanks, y/n.”

Instead of responding, you sit back on the ground, looking at the dream -but still beautiful- sky.

Your hand pats around for a second before landing on its target. Your fingers wrap around renjun's, pulling him back so he plops down next to you with a grunt.

“Geez, could’ve given a warning.”

“There’s no need for warnings here,” you sigh.

Sure, the clouds aren’t real, but you’ll take any chance to see something you can’t in reality anymore.

“Y/n,” he starts.

And when you turn to look at him, his face is a lot closer than you thought.

There’s a pause.

The last things you remember are his long fluttering eyelashes and alluring brown eyes- ones that look so realistic and strangely familiar?

That morning, you wake up with the scent of the woods still lingering in the air and a little more ease in your heart.

ꔫ

Over the next couple of months, Renjun keeps appearing. And you’re completely fine, even delighted with that.

Now you’re always excited to go to bed, hoping each night that you’ll dream about him.

Even as the days get hotter and your a/c is definitely getting overused, you find yourself thinking about him and imagining if he was next to you.

You had to keep reminding yourself that Renjun wasn’t real. No matter how much you wished he was.

But you still considered Renjun your friend. Technically, your only friend.

And each time you met in your dreams, you felt happier and more content. You felt alive next to him, your heart that always beat faster around him only confirming it.

Sometimes you’d spot Renjun in a place from your memories, and sometimes he would appear in a completely unfamiliar area to you.

You didn’t care enough to think twice. A new place with new sights was a highlight to your encounters.

And today, it was no different. A colorful park. You know you’ve never been here before, but it feels like you’ve seen it somewhere..... perhaps somewhere online?

Ever since the second time you met him, you noticed a theme with the unknown places you sometimes ended up in.

Mostly in nature, surrounded by fresh air and plentiful green. You were confused, but I mean, who cares? They were beautiful, peaceful. Places that made you forget everything.

You find Renjun sitting down at a nearby bench, messing with his hands.

“Hi.”

He looks up, attempting to smile, but it falls short. “Hello, y/n.”

That’s interesting. Renjun always seemed happy to see you. At this point, you can tell when he’s acting strange or not.

You decide to play along. “What’s up?”

“Oh. It’s nothing. Just really stressed about upcoming school stuff.” You cock an eyebrow, amused. This isn’t the first time you’ve felt weird when he says something like that.

“You know, for being an imaginary character, you sure act like a real person.”

“What did you just say?” Renjun stands up.

You follow, getting up and looking at him, confused. “What?”

“What the hell do you mean by imaginary?”

“Imaginary? You don’t exist -like you’re not real?”

“No way.”

Your eyebrows raise. Why was he getting so defensive over this?

“I’m not an imaginary character- you are.”

A scoff escapes your lips. What the fuck?

“Stop talking nonsense.” Even though you’re trying to stand your ground, you can’t help but reevaluate everything. You look at him, panicked but still staring straight into his eyes as if to say, stop the joking right now.

Renjun only stares at you, fighting back with a headstrong expression. “I’m not. So you should stop too.”

You place your hand on his arm, inhaling.

Renjun tries to pull away, bewildered, but you keep your grip.

His arm feels warm, veins partially showing through. Almost like a real.....no way. But there’s even a faint scar on his wrist. Your brain couldn’t possibly be so meticulous as to add such details to a fictional person.

Your eyes flick to Renjun, studying him, memorizing everything you can about him.

Your breathing is heavy as you step closer to him, almost in a daze. “If you’re not just an imaginary person I created in my dreams,” you whisper, watching as he swallows and his adam’s apple bobs up and down-

“Then who are you?”

But before he can say anything, the world fades to black.

You wake up with an immense urge to scream in frustration but also hide away to just think everything over.

You lay in bed for what feels like hours. Contemplating. Panicking.

This was a joke, wasn’t it?

He’s lying.

Just a dream?

But this time, you can’t say that it was “just a dream..”

Your hand punches the bed in defeat.

You don’t understand. How are you able to see another living and breathing human in your dreams?

All the things and places you were able to dream about were because of your memories. But Renjun... Renjun was a complete stranger.

So how are you able to see him perfectly fine?

You think back to all the previous times you met him.

If he truly was real, then he must’ve been dreaming too? Since he believed you weren’t real either?

And all the unrecognizable places you saw -they must exist in real life?

That means.... you and Renjun must be sharing dreams.

There were a lot of questions. All that were making your brain pound.

More importantly, how the fuck are you even able to share dreams with another person?

ꔫ

You spend every night praying that you’ll fall asleep and see Renjun again.

Renjun? Is that even his real name?

Oh my god, you don’t know anything about him.

But for some reason, it isn’t hard for you to wrap your head around the fact that he exists.

His reaction seemed so real -he couldn’t possibly be faking right?

You smack your head on the pillow. Many times. Repeating, “Go to sleep. Dream. Go to sleep,” over and over again.

Until eventually, you do.

And when you find yourself at your old middle school- gross- you immediately start.

Getting up, you navigate throughout the old place. Everywhere’s blurry and hazy though, you suppose it’s because you haven’t been here in a while and forgot.

Where is he? You know he has to be here somewhere.

You spot his familiar silhouette. Target acquired.

He must’ve felt your presence too, since he turns around to face you.

You’re about to say his name, but then you remember the whole ‘he’s actually a real person thing’ and then you can only splutter out an accusing “you!” with an accompanying point of a finger.

“Me?” His eyes widen. “No-you’re not supposed to be a real person. So who are you?”

“I’m y/n.” You repeat yourself again with more force.

“This is my dream, and you’re in it. Look,” you gesture around. “This is my old school. If I wasn’t real, could we be here at a place like this?”

Renjun falters, and you exhale. “I’m not joking. I swear. My name is y/l/n y/n.”

He holds his hands out. “B-but how? How can you-?”

You shake your head wearily. “I don’t know. I don’t even know you!”

He sighs in defeat. “My name is Renjun. Huang Renjun. And I promise I’m not joking either. I truly thought you were just a figment of my imagination.”

You nod, fidgeting before holding out a hand. “Well then, I believe you. Nice to meet you,” you look into his glittering eyes, “Huang Renjun.”

When his hand touches yours, you feel a rush of emotions.

You think he does too, judging by his tightening grip on yours.

He quickly takes his hand away, making you frown. “And just to prove it, you know the forest we were at once?”

You nod, recalling the pretty leaves. You haven’t seen leaves in a while.....

“It’s near my city in the real world. And that mountain too.”

Then it hits you. You glance up at Renjun, surprised.

“No way. I know where you’re talking about. You live like, a couple of hours away from me.”

“Wait, really? Where do you-“

You sit up, feeling the familiar sensation of a blanket around your legs.

And then let out a loud screech of frustration - while also internally apologizing to your neighbors.

ꔫ

When you meet Renjun in the next dream, you pick off where you left off, and move into telling each other about your actual lives.

“You study plants? That explains why we’re always near grass in your dreams.”

“Hey!”

“I’m joking. It’s really nice. I like it more than you may think..”

“Seriously,” you look up from your position on his lap, “savor it while you can.”

He nods dutifully. To others, it may seem annoying or strange that you’re constantly telling him to enjoy when he still has the time, but Renjun appreciates it.

It’s always a nice reminder.

He assumes something must’ve happened to you before, but nevertheless, he doesn’t pry.

“What about you? What are you studying?”

Suddenly, you can’t look at him. You're unable to tell him that you don’t even attend school anymore.

“Um, I’m still deciding... it’s hard, you know?”

“I get it. Comfortably take your time. You don’t have to rush, do what you want.”

Your heart warms.

“Can you cook?”

“Eh.”

“What about roller skating?”

“I’m a pro.”

“Bet I could beat you.”

“Oh yeah? Just wait, one day we’ll go together in person, and I’ll kill you at it.”

“What about aliens?”

Your eyebrows raise. “What about aliens?”

“What- what do you think of them?”

“Oh. Aliens are cool.”

“Do you think they’re real?

“Sure. I mean, if we’re able to share dreams like this, then why can’t aliens exist too?”

You miss the growing smile on renjun’s face.

“.... is this what you really look like in real life?”

“What- yes! Why would I look like someone else in my dream?”

“I dunno, you’re a lot more handsome than most guys I can remember..” you trail off, hoping he doesn’t catch the rest of the sentence. He does.

That goes on for a while, asking each other random questions. But while you’re still here in the dream, you should take advantage of it.

Standing up, you brush yourself off.

“Huh, what’s up y/n?”

“The sky.”

Renjun scowls.

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you.”

And then you sprint off, yelling, “first one to the tree gets bragging rights!!”

Renjun falls halfway, and you have to help him and his dramatic ass.

ꔫ

When Renjun brings up the prospect of possibly meeting each other in real life, you’re both really excited at first.

But then it hits you. That’s right. You’re kinda blind at the moment.

You never once told him about your... sight problems, probably because you first thought he wasn’t even a real person, and it never seemed important.

As Renjun sits there, excitedly listing off ways to find each other that actually while you’re awake, you can only absentmindedly nod, a storm brewing inside you.

It makes your insides churn. Should you tell him?

You hated lying, but there was that growing insecurity rising up.

What if he finds out everything and doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore?

What if Renjun doesn’t want to be your friend?

What if...

He leaves you?

“Y/n???” He waves a hand in front of you.

You blink. “Yes?”

“I was just talking about how it’ll take around 3 hours to take the subway to your city or, yours to mine. When we both have a free day, we should meet up!”

He looks so excited and cute, but you still cringe. When was the last time you took the subway?

You nod uneasily. Renjun must notice your expression because he turns concerned, “Are you alright?”

You hastily smile. “Fine. Just really stressed about upcoming school stuff,” you joke.

That answer must be good enough because he drops the subject.

What have you gotten yourself into?

ꔫ

And for the first time, you’re scared to dream.

Scared to see Renjun.

Stress and anxiety gnaw at your head, swirling thoughts constantly floating in and out.

Renjun won’t like you anymore.

He doesn’t want to be with a liar.

And after he excitedly mentions that he obtained an internship near your city in the spring, your guilt and frustration grow more.

Since that one conversation, you’ve been having more and more headaches, most likely because of the lack of sleep from stress.

Renjun’s probably sleeping peacefully hours away from you as you stay up, plagued with concerns.

You shake your head, wanting to get rid of bad thoughts so the pain doesn’t overtake your brain again.

Think of happy things. Happy memories when you were young and carefree.

Like.... the one water park you went to with your friends years ago. That was a good memory.

You rack your brain.

Wait a second -what did it look like again?

ꔫ

As the air turns colder, you have to bust out the old heater that hasn’t been used in years-the dust floating in the air lingered for days.

Overtaking your breathing, your brain.

Just like your thoughts.

You’re still constantly worrying about Renjun. Because of Renjun.

And yourself.

You and Renjun.

Renjun and you.

All those thoughts weren’t good for you. Why you may ask?

More thoughts lead to overthinking.

Overthinking leads to stress.

Stress causes the agonizing headaches.

And those headaches are the bane of your existence.

Because it makes you unable to recall.

The headaches weren’t a big deal at first. After the car accident, the doctors said your brain seemed clear for the most part.

But obviously- it wasn’t- since you were here now with daily migraines- the pain multiplied from anxiety.

And that caused your memory loss.

It was simple things at first, just like what you ate for the day and where you put your stuff. (It was already difficult since you couldn’t see, and the forgetful memory was making it so much worse)

And then it was the more important recollections.

Like what your parents' birthdays were. Your favorite restaurant. What schools you attended.

You don’t want to admit that the only thing left perfectly clear in your brain is yours truly, Huang Renjun.

This isn’t happening.

Pigs can’t fly and.... you can’t remember.

Why? Every time you try to think of something, your brain pounds like crazy.

You really don’t want to believe it’s an effect of the accident. And the stress.

You don’t want to think about it at all.

But sadly, you were still human and had to sleep.

Which meant eventually dreaming sooner or later...

“Y/n!”

Wait. What?

“What’s going on?”

No. What’s happening?

“I know people don’t dream that often, but three months and nothing from you? I went to bed, happy at the thought that we might meet again, but it’s like you’re purposely not sleeping and avoiding me or something-!”

There’s no way you heard everything he just said, even his irritated tone that you’ve never heard before didn’t faze you.

Due to the fact that everything except Renjun himself was a blur.

Basically- you couldn’t see shit.

Your heart rate begins to pick up. You swirl around, squinting and rubbing your eyes like crazy.

Why? Why is this happening? Why can’t you see the dream world around you?

But you know the reason- it’s quite obvious.

Since your memory disappeared just like that. And without your memories, everything has crumbled to nothing.

Ironically, you forgot about Renjun who was still standing there, perfectly fine.

“Y/n? What wrong?”

He snaps a finger in front of you, and you barely react.

“No, nothing’s wrong.” Your voice has been reduced to a whisper.

“Listen-I-why are you lying? I thought we were friends. I thought we trusted each other enough to talk honestly.”

It’s too much. Renjun’s growing anger plus everything you’re experiencing at the moment is overwhelming.

“Just stop-!” You screech, arms held out in front to protect yourself from everything.

He freezes.

And you collapse on the ground, hands shaking as you look around. Look for anything you can clearly see.

There’s nothing.

The worst pain ever runs through your brain- the feeling to curl up in a ball and stop everything is strong.

“Y/n- please. Please talk to me.”

He leans in front of you.

“I- see-“ you splutter, collecting your thoughts.

Your mouth forms the words but immediately comes to a halt.

He doesn’t know.

You stare at him, helpless. Your eyes flicking all over the place, pupils dilated.

Renjun does the only thing he can think of at the moment.

He places his lips on yours, and your eyes automatically close.

Your heart steadies, adrenaline slowly fading.

He just feels... right.

And then his hand brings your body closer to his, making-

You sit up in bed, breathing heavily.

All you can think is,

what a dream.

And as much as you still feel the ghost of his soft lips on yours, you can’t get over the fact that everything else was blurry.

You could only see faint lights and shadows.

You couldn’t remember.

ꔫ

No.

What does the sky look like again?

No.

Why can’t you remember the day anymore?

You spend days- weeks maybe even- trying to recall as much as possible. And spend less time attempting to sleep for the chance that you’ll have to see Renjun again.

Your mind is in shambles. One part of you is yearning to see him -find Renjun in the dreams again and explain everything.

But the other part is scared. Extremely terrified at his reaction. His feelings.

Will he still- you dare to say- like you?

I mean, that kiss had to mean something, right?

Right?

You smack the nearest object in exasperation.

I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.

Can everything just stop?

Your poor pillow has been punched into oblivion by now.

Either way, you fall into what could be considered a slump.

A slump in life.

The uncomfortable sensation grows bigger and bigger each day since the only thing you can do is stay at home and dwell on the fact that your life is basically over now.

There's no recovery in sight -ha- of your future.

Each night is spent exerting your aching brain to recall.

The only thing that comes back is Huang Renjun.

But once again, you’re only human. A human that occasionally passes out from the lack of sleep.

Renjun would be nagging at you. Your heart automatically drops at the thought of him. How long has it been since you last seen him?

More importantly- how long has it been since you last properly slept?

You can’t even see yourself but you know the eye bags you’re carrying are bigger and brighter than your future.

You call out for Siri.

“It’s currently 3:21 AM.“

You sigh, so desperately wanting to chuck your phone across the room even though you know finding where you threw it would take hours.

Pathetic.

And then you figured you must’ve fallen asleep.

Because you open your eyes. And at first, it just seems like another day of barely making it through life, but no- this is different.

You’re not in your bed. You’re on a blank, hard surface.

You realize where you are right as a familiar voice calls out your name.

The fear that courses through you is a feeling to laugh at.

“What the fuck, y/n.”

There’s no way you’re getting out of this.

“What’s going on? I just wanna know why. You ghost me for months without saying anything. I deserve an explanation.” Renjun’s fists are clenched at his side, anger barely seeping through.

You sigh wearily, partly from him and partly from the fact that you still can’t see anything else except his face.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been going through stuff, okay?” You hope your tone is enough to tell him that you don’t want to talk about this anymore.

But it isn’t.

“What things? You can tell me, y/n. I thought we were close enough for that. I thought we trusted each other.”

As much as your heart clenches at his words, it isn’t enough to suppress the frustration building inside you.

“This isn’t about trust, Renjun. It doesn’t matter if I trust you or not. What does it have to do with me telling you about my life? It’s my privacy.”

His eyes burn into yours.

“So you don’t trust me?”

“What- of course, I do! Why are you so stuck up on that?”

“Cause I care about you,” he groans, running his hands through his hair. “I care about you- a lot- but clearly, you don’t seem to return the feelings!”

“What? What makes you think that!?”

“Because you act like this!” He forcefully gestures. “Because you push me away without any explanation and don’t show any sign of your feelings! Don’t seem affected like I am when I haven’t seen you in months and miss you, okay?”

You pinch your nose bridge, annoyed. “Well, I’m different. If you cared about me that much, wouldn’t you have noticed?”

You know your words mean nothing. They’re just randomly produced from the deepest, darkest insecurities that are pent up inside and need to escape.

“What’s so different about you? As far as I’ve known and seen you, you’re just another human like me-“

“-Because I can’t see fucking anything, okay?” You yell, forcing yourself to take a breath.

“I’ve been blind for what seems like forever, and at first it was all okay, but now I can’t remember anything except you, which means I can’t see shit. Is that a good enough answer for you?”

You feel your body trembling, barely able to look at him.

A good silence lasts for a couple of minutes.

You turn around, anywhere away so you don’t have to look at his face anymore- since he’s stupidly the only thing you can even see.

You don’t know what to feel. Perhaps relief for finally saying it? Exhaustion from keeping everything pent up and finally letting it all out?

Then you recognize the sensation.

You’re waking up.

You think Renjun calls your name at the exact moment. But it’s too late. You’re already gone at that point.

And now you don’t know what to do.

ꔫ

After that, you get the best sleep in your life. There’s surprisingly no more stress about lying to Renjun, you already spilled everything.

On the other hand, there is his whole response. But you bury those worries deep inside.

Maybe it’s for the better, you think. After the fight, you couldn’t the guilt go. The angered lies that slipped from your lips won’t leave.

Renjun doesn’t deserve someone like you.

But for once, you decide to go out. To get some needed fresh air like someone once advised you to, and also because you’re running out of food to eat.

Before you leave, you grab the sunglasses on the counter and put them on. Most people would just think you’re avoiding the spring sun, which is exactly what you wanted.

You didn’t want them to see your blank stare and then realize that you had lost your sight. It was simply more comfortable for you and others.

It was always a challenge to go out. Strange how normal people would never think twice before closing the door behind them and entering the outside world, but it became something you had to prepare yourself for.

Taking a deep breath, you close the door behind you and navigate as best as you can to the nearby cafe.

Sure, you barely left your place, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy a refreshing drink outside every once in a while.

Two people bump into your side, and you barely spare them a second, continuing on.

An apology is given, but you brush it off, hiding your face and quickly continuing on.

That’s strange. One of the voices sounded really familiar, but it was too quick, and you barely heard the voice enough to pinpoint it.

It happened all the time- if not always- running into another person. But this time, it was different. After touching the stranger's shoulder by accident, it felt like a flame burst inside of you. Intense enough to make your head spin a little and set your body alight.

And the sun wasn’t making it better.

Gosh, why is the sun so bright today?

You brush it off, opening the door to the cafe and taking your sunglasses off to be polite and not seem weird or suspicious.

You squint at the board, cautiously walking to the register and ordering.

After they confirm your order, you find a nice spot alone in the corner.

It’s not too busy or slow today, you note. But soon boredom overcomes you, and eventually, you find yourself staring at the entrance door whenever someone new enters for no reason in particular.

The entrance bell rings, and your eyes subconsciously flick to see who it is.

Wait.

No fucking way.

It can’t be.

Huang Renjun?

in your city?

Entering the same cafe you were currently at?

You suddenly remember. One dream, a long time ago when he excitedly rambled on about that internship he got. Located where you lived. That’s right, he said it was in the springtime. And here he was now.

A string of curses run through your brain, your heart beginning to pick up its pace in panic.

You debate just leaving. But your order..... oh god, what if he sees you?

Will he recognize you? Stupid, obviously Renjun would recognize you.

What if he comes up to you?

Shit, you have no clue what to do.

Maybe if you just look away and hide your face when he passes, then he won’t see you.

You look down, pretending to be occupied with your shirt and shuddering when you hear his voice get closer.

You let out a tiny sigh of relief when he passes with someone else, you suppose a friend. But it’s not over.

“Order for y/n!”

You unleash more curses internally. Of course, they had to call your name. Of fucking course.

You desperately hope Renjun isn’t paying attention.

Exhaling, you try to act as normal as possible walking up to get your drink. But before you even make it there, you can feel eyes on you. It burns the back of your head.

You scream into your mouth, teeth gritting to barely muffle the sound.

It’s okay, just pretend you can’t see him -you already yelled at him confessing that you were blind anyway, so maybe he thinks that you can’t see him.

It’s fine.

Act normal.

You obtain your order and take one step carefully at a time.

Oh no.

Oh no- he’s coming towards you. You can just barely see in your peripheral view Renjun approaching and getting closer.

“Y/n.”

You try not to stiffen at his voice. Just act like you’re blind and can’t see him.

Turning around, you pretend to act blank. “Yes? Who’s talking to me?”

“Y/n,” Renjun says more insistently.

“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize you. Who are you?”

And then his hand reaches out to yours.

You panic, swatting it away.

You hear renjun's breath hitch. “Wait- how did you do that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Y-you,” he stutters, “you blocked my hand. B-but how? I don’t-“

You frown. “Cause I saw it?”

Your hand raises up to cover your mouth.

You saw his hand.

You can see.

What- when did this happen?

How did this happen?

Why didn’t you notice?

There are so many things swirling in your mind, but Renjun calls your name again.

You look back at him, truly look at him, and suddenly it’s like all the puzzle pieces fit together.

He’s breathtaking. It’s so different seeing him in person and not in your dreams. If anything, you’re jealous of how much prettier he seems in real life.

You’re not sure how long you stare at each other. Seeing those eyes that once captivated your soul right in front of you.

“The last time I saw you was in my dream,” you breathe, “but it feels like the first time I’m meeting you.”

Renjun doesn’t say anything, and abruptly you find yourself in his arms.

You don’t care that you’re hugging in the middle of a public place, it just feels so right.

You bury your face in his shoulder, unable to speak.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was just so afraid at what you'd say, and I just liked you too much and I’m sorry-“

Renjun pulls back, staring at you like he hasn’t seen anything more magnificent before.

“It doesn’t matter. You can tell me everything you want now.”

ꔫ

“I’m happy to report that the swelling in your optic nerves has gone down. It’s like a miracle occurred,” the doctor remarks.

Luckily, renjun’s internship lasted for a couple weeks, and you were able to spend as much time as possible with him. The only time you weren’t next to his side was when he was working or you were at the doctor's to check up on your condition.

There was no more blankness. There were no more headaches. It’s like Renjun brought a breath of fresh air into your life. It’s almost like he was meant for you.

You simply smile and laugh at the doctor as you think,

Yes, a miracle did happen. One where I met the person who seemed only like a dream and learned the most important lesson in my life.

That dreams really can come true.

Bonus :

“Renjun, you’re going the wrong way.”

“Well excuse me for not having ever been to this place before.”

“Okay, you’re excused.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, and you grin cheekily before taking his hand.

“C’mon, we still have to get to the top.”

“Did you get the blankets?”

“Yep.”

“And the snacks?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got your favorite.”

It’s been so long since you came here. Your favorite spot to stargaze. The one you went to all the time before the accident. The one you were going to when the car accident happened.

But this time it was different. You had Renjun next to you.

After ten minutes of hiking and Renjun complaining, you finally make it to the top of the secluded hill, the night sky seeming so close and yet so far.

Renjun takes everything in with a breath. “Wow. I can see why you love this place.”

You feel a rush of emotions. How long has it been since you were able to come here and see the stars?

You two set up the blankets and sit back, embracing the sight.

He sits down on the blanket, and you automatically lie down next to him, placing your head in his lap.

“Doesn’t this remind of you that one dream where we saw your city from above?”

Renjun grins. “I remember that. I still thought that you were just a fake simulation or whatever. And now look, we’re together in real life.”

You hum thoughtfully.

“Thank you, Renjun.”

He looks down at you. “For what?”

Suddenly you can’t look him in the eye. “For everything. For being my friend and never leaving,” you gulp, nervous.

“I... I love you.”

Renjun jerks a little, eyes wide. “What did you just say?”

You breathe in, out. “I love you, huang renjun.”

He starts laughing for some reason, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“I love you too.”

After that, you enjoy the peaceful silence and the buzz of the insects.

“...don’t you think this would be a hotspot for aliens to come to? This field is so vast and secluded -if I were an alien, I would come here a lot.”

You shrug. “I don’t know. But I guess I would too.”

Renjun suddenly looks at you with an accusing glare. And you catch on, smacking his side.

“Don’t even think about it.”

He feigns ignorance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Okay sure. You totally weren’t gonna say something about how I could be an extraterrestrial creature from another planet since I come here so often.”

“Well-”

You stuff food in his mouth to shut him up.

He chews for a minute or two before talking again.

“.... what if we get abducted by them?”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. I’ve been here so many times, and nothing happened to me.”

“Maybe that’s because you are a-“

“Oh my gosh. Just stop. And trust me, if I were one, you would already be abducted with that face,” you joke.

You look up from your spot on his lap, staring up at the twinkling lights in the dark sky.

“It doesn't matter, I’m not scared.”

Renjun looks down at you with a curious smile. “Why?”

“Because everything got a little better when I saw you.”

And the stars seem to agree, twinkling in the background when your lips reach up to meet his.

You had so many questions that couldn’t be answered.

But maybe it would all be okay.

Because you could suddenly see the spring again.

a/n: if you made it to the end, thank you for reading :)

also i tried my best to research as much as i could on all related topics to this work yadaddaa but if there are errors and inaccuracies, i apologize!

taglist: @elcie-chxn @dearseungie

unable to tag: @flower-lise

#cznnet #kpopscape #nct #nct dream #huang renjun #renjun #renjun x reader #nct dream x reader #huang renjun x reader #renjun scenarios #huang renjun scenarios #renjun imagines #huang renjun imagines #nct x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #renjun fluff #renjun angst

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ihatetaxes99 · 3 years

Text

A Brief Retrospective Look At MVA (In The Anime)

Well. Here we are. Every end of the time is another begun. After what has felt like years of anticipation (mostly because it actually has been years), My Villain Academia has been fully animated. Well, "fully" may be the wrong word here, but that's something I'll get into later.

To honour the end of the arc, I decided to do two things: One, I re-read the entirety of the arc in the manga all in one sitting; Two, I rewatched all five episodes of the anime's adaptation back to back once again. My life is pain and I know not of sleep. Anyway, the reason I did this is because of a little project I proposed to myself back just before the first episode aired; Once MVA was done and dusted, I would go back and give my own retrospective on the whole thing. Because why the hell not, sounds like fun. This will also hopefully be less emotional than my thoughts I shared as the episodes were still airing, but who knows?

So, let's begin. And I wish to start by stating that My Villain Academia is my absolute favourite arc in the manga. It did a lot of things right. It focused entirely on my favourite faction, the villains. It offers a glimpse into their lives and goes a long way in humanising them, particularly Spinner and Shigaraki. It sets up key points for others too, such as Mr. Compress' habit of thinking more about the bigger picture than the others, which would factor into his major reveal during the Paranormal Liberation War and of course the formation of the Front itself. It introduced us to Rikiya Yotsubashi, one of my favourite characters in the manga, even if he honestly peaked in this arc and was never as good again. And it gave us a large-scale, grueling fight for supremacy in which I found myself actively rooting for the League. It is, in my mind, the very best of BNHA, the only arc I would want them to do well in the anime. They could screw up literally everything else and I would be happy if MVA was even just as good as the manga, it didn't even need to be better. I would have been delighted to have an excuse to experience the arc all over again, seeing my favourite moments with the sublime soundtrack and voice acting.

Yeah…

But before I get to that, let us take a little trip of sorts down memory lane to see the road to MVA, what led to it. So, 2021 rolls around. What a fun year. It's just 2020 without the excitement of everything being so uncertain, and frankly it's been really fucking boring as a year. However, BNHA Season Five was announced. In February, we get the first trailer for the upcoming season. It's... It's fine. Obviously, it focuses heavily on the Joint Training Arc (in fact, that is all it shows) and although I despise that arc with a passion, it's not too bad. I had not watched the anime since Overhaul ended, so my plan was I just wouldn't watch JTA and would wait until the big attraction, MVA. And so, Joint Training starts. And it goes on. And on. And on. I checked back almost two months later to discover it still wasn't over yet. Now I found this odd. Joint Training Arc was horrible for many reasons, but the big one was that it dragged on for so long as a result of Horikoshi's health complications, which is by no means his fault. But, surely the anime, which would consistently release on a weekly basis, wouldn't have the issues associated with this. Episodes of BNHA have always encompassed around three to five chapters, and Joint Training's were shorter than usual, so why was it taking more than ten episodes to adapt it?

Very strange, but I didn't question it much. Then, the key visuals released, confirming that MVA was at the very least happening. Great, wonderful. I love it. We've got the whole gang there, seeming like they're in Deika, looks pretty good.

Wait, did I say whole gang? Yeah, my bad, there was someone missing. Spinner. Now, I am not the biggest Spinner fan so I wasn't prepared to riot over his exclusion like I would have been if Compress wasn't in it. But this was starting to get strange. Spinner was the main narrator of MVA. Even if his importance was not on the level of Shigaraki, Twice and Toga, it was certainly more than Dabi and Compress, who did both appear in the art. Why was he excluded? Obviously, I bet you're all having a good old chuckle to yourselves right now because in retrospect, this makes perfect sense now.

Alright, then. I heard from a friend around June time that Joint Training was finally over. Awesome, great, time for the good stuff- why is there a Christmas episode here?

Yes, this was probably what really started to get the alarm bells in my mind going. The Christmas episode- in June. Very, very strange. Also, absolutely no mention of Rikiya, which even if they were reshuffling things, I would have expected him to appear in the episode of Bakugo and Todoroki getting their licenses, since it directly ties in. Concern levels rising, I shrugged it off and waited for next week.

Bam. Major reshuffling. Now, Endeavour Agency comes first, fuck you if you want context for who the hell the PLF are or the significance of Destro's memoirs. This was really starting to worry me now. I told myself that the key visual meant that MVA had to be happening, but it was starting to seem like the villains were being shafted. A fact not helped by the new OP.

Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to complain or whine, but season five's second OP is just bad. The music is fine, I have no problem there. But the visuals are just awful. Not only is there an extended focus on that stupid bloody trio of Midoriya, Bakugo and Todoroki, not only is there more screentime given to characters who don't appear in MVA or EA than the main cast of the former, but the animation itself is just so stiff and lacking. It had potential, but the visuals are the worst out of any recent anime opening I've seen in a good few years and this was what got me really panicking.

Boom, a beach episode smack in the middle of Endeavour Agency to promote the upcoming movie. Boom, adapting two chapters per episode during EA. Boom, the Shirakumo episode, which I always thought was part of the War Arc and not EA. But finally, mercifully, the title leaks came and it was revealed that episode 20 of season five would be the start of MVA.

20. Out of 25. And it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to end the season with MVA, so really, up to 24. Ohhh no…

But hey, I'm an optimist sometimes. I was excited to just finally be clear of all this nonsense and get to the real good stuff. Hell, in preparation, I watched the entirety of the season up to that point. I finally realised why JTA took so long and it's one of the most depressing things I've ever learned, in a bad way. Were all those flashbacks really necessary? EA was okay, as someone who as a manga reader, already had the necessary context for the PLF stuff. The beach episode, I watched half of, got too bored and skipped the rest of. And you know what, I liked the Shirakumo chapters. They weren't as good in the anime, but it was nice to see.

And then, finally, in comes episode one of My Villain Academia, on a cold, dark August morning. I even bought Crunchyroll Premium to watch it as soon as possible, I was excited. All the messing around, all the crap, it was finally over and the time had come to enjoy what this season was really all about.

I can now safely say why Bones kept pushing back MVA, because if I was them, I would be embarrassed to show this.

No, that's not fair. I promised I wouldn't get too snarky, so let's reek things back in. As a whole, MVA has been… fine. Just fine. Not good enough to justify the bullshit, but not horrendous (mostly.) In fact, right now, I'll give a ranking of the episodes, my worst to best:

5) Episode One

4) Episode Two

3) Episode Three

2) Episode Five

1) Episode Four

Yeah. So, there's a clear pattern here, that things more or less got better as time went on. From just straight up bad, to still not great, to alright, to the final two episodes being what I would comfortably call good. This is not a good look. I'm sorry, but Episode One, an episode that I just called bad, is still one of the season's best in spite of that. That spells out awful things for this season as a whole. But what exactly made this such a disaster?

Well, cut content is the big thing. MVA in the anime cuts out:

The League's battle with the CRC

Their struggle with poverty

The sushi joke setup

All of Spinner's character

All of Rikiya's character, including most mentions of Detnerat and Miyashita

Fairly integral pieces of Skeptic's character

Most of Giran's integrity and bravery

This doesn't look too bad at first. It could be far worse. We got basically everything else from the arc, so what? Well, I would already be annoyed about all of these cuts, but the issue is that they cause a knock on effect. Without the establishment of the League's poverty, the payoff of Toga's duffle coat now makes no sense. Without the setup of Spinner's characterisation, his battle with Hanabata now feels hollow. Rikiya's surrender to the League now makes even less sense, as his love of human life and desire to cause no more death is completely non-existent. The first time Rikiya being a CEO is mentioned is in the closing minutes of the arc. The sushi scene is hamfisted into a two second flashback just so that the payoff makes some sort of sense, but again, it is hollow without it being at the start (this is also the first mention of the League's poverty and it literally happens just as they are freed from it.) Can you see how these little seemingly unimportant cuts spiral into bigger problems? I would have been pissed even if they hadn't caused some tremendous cascades, but the fact that they did just makes this from a subjective issue to an objective one.

Yes. They did some things well. Toga's backstory is mostly intact, SMP is just as satisfying as the manga, Tenko's backstory is one of the best things the anime has ever done, the awakening is very well done, I adore the PLF formation as much as I did in the manga. Everything important is intact, but as I keep saying, you cannot just keep the bare minimum and expect it to work. How about in the next arc, they decide to cut everything involving Bakugo out, and only keep him jumping in front of Midoriya because it's the only absolutely necessary thing he does in the arc? People would be pissed, and it's the same thing that's happening here. It's a problem, it's not just a bad adaptation, it leads to bad storytelling in general.

The animation. Now, I do not believe this is a be all, end all. BNHA's anime is never going to look as gorgeous as Horikoshi's art, that is a fact and I do not begrudge them for that. They have a week to draw hundreds upon hundreds of frames, it's not a process that lends itself well to good looks and the animators and artists do their best with what they have. This does not change the fact that it is extremely hit or miss. Some things, Tenko's backstory in particular, look fantastic. Other things, mostly every action scene, make me laugh at how bad they can look and some things, particularly Twice and Re-Destro's hideous designs in the anime, make me cringe. The lighting is also an issue. Garaki's lab looked fantastic, but every other scene is just boring mid-afternoon with dull, basic lighting. I don't expect huge detail, but sometimes, it fails to achieve competency and as an extremely popular show, I don't think that's okay. I don't blame the animators, I blame the higher ups. And while I wouldn't mind the poor animation and art in an MVA that at least has all the story content, this does not have that and so I am even harsher than I would have been.

MVA was rushed. That's not up for debate. It took forever to get to it and once it came, things moved so quickly that they gave me whiplash, with no time to think or lament. Now, this could be attributed to the story structure of the arc, which is essentially a series of big fights, and it just isn't as bad in the manga because I can stop at any time to catch my breath. But I think it's worth noting that the anime at least highlights these issues. Curious dies in the same episode where she first appears, really driving home how pointless she was in the end. Episode Two alone tries to cover everything from the journey to Deika up until Jin finding Toga's body. That's a lot of content to fit in one twenty minute period and it was bound to feel messy in the end. I will say that, much like everything aside from the animation, this did get better as time went on, with episodes three, four and five adapting more reasonable amounts of content, compared to one giving us almost nothing and two giving us too much.

At the end of the day, that was it. The show's over. MVA has been closed in the anime. It will never be given a chance to improve, to go from just fine to anything even close to the manga. Why did this happen? I don't think we'll ever truly know. Some blame the new movie, others the studio's lack of faith in the villains, and there are those who say that it's just how fate turned out. I personally think it's a combination of all of these things. Without the movie, that beach episode wouldn't exist, giving more time to MVA, without the studio's hesitation, we'd perhaps get stuff like an actual good OP and perhaps some more general hype for it (I mean, MVA didn't even get a trailer.) Whatever the reason is, we got what we got. My verdict is something that's very overplayed as of late, but seriously, just read the manga with the fantastic soundtrack playing in the background. The anime's adaptation of MVA is not worth the time investment, when you could read the manga in roughly the same length of time and get more content, a more coherent plot and beautiful artwork.

So, what may come next for Season Six? I don't know. Season Five has definitely been one of the most unpopular seasons in the anime, with a lot of people speaking out against it, but this mostly seems to come from the Western fanbase, so it's up in the air if Bones will learn from their mistakes. Since they'll have a full season to do presumably the War and Rouge Deku arcs, then I feel like they'll put on a better show. But we just don't know. Spinner had his spotlight stolen this time around, will Compress suffer the same fate in Season Six? Dabi and Toga will probably be handled well, since they have inexplicably high amounts of popularity, but with his own lack of recognition rivalling Spinner's, I can see Sako ending up much the same way. Time will tell, I suppose.

#my villain academia #mva #league of villains #Meta Liberation Army #studio bones #bnha season 5

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madmaddoxfuryroad · 3 years

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HSMTMTS: Season 3 thoughts

So I’ve been ruminating a lot about this show today (like every other day) and I got to thinking about what they might do for season 3. Less so plot-wise (I mean season 2 is just over halfway through), but more about what musical they might do, what the cast might be, and how that could tie into the individual characters and their arcs (some more so than others, but c’est la vie).

In trying to figure out what musical they might do, I started first with the obvious: what does Disney own? I don’t think they would return to the HSM franchise (until the final season, but thoughts on that for another day), so anything related to that and other DCOMs I counted out. I also eliminated all Disney animated/princess films. I love them, don’t get me wrong, but seeing as this season they are doing BATB, I don’t think they would immediately go into another animated-film-adapted-for-broadway right after that. So at that point I wasn’t quite sure where to go. Mary Poppins was really the only other thing that came to mind and while I love the film and broadway show I just don’t think it fits the cast well slash even has enough parts to really showcase them. You have Mary and Bert. And then I guess Mr. and Mrs. Banks? Then the kids are a whole other issue. It just felt messy. So I just started thinking about broadway shows that I like, I mean if they wanted to, Disney has the money and could pay for the rights to use most shows. Then everything fell into place.

Into the Woods. I am 100% positive I am letting my bias for this show cloud my judgement, but if you stick with me, I think I can persuade you (or not, your mind is your own and I respect that). First off, Disney owns it. At least I think they do. They made the movie (RIP), so I am going to safely assume they have the rights at this point. Next, yes it contains fairytale elements, which might make you feel it’s a little too close to BATB, but it is such a deconstruction of fairytales and their tropes that I almost feel like it is an amazing follow up to a more traditional fairytale. It introduces conflict and the real world into these fantasy scenarios, which I feel goes really well with high school in general and growing up, expectations being shattered, and learning to alter your world view (I really love this play). Plus, I think it would be exciting to see this cast do a more broadway-type show. Obviously BATB is a broadway show, but I think there is a lot of reliance on knowing the film and less on the play itself. And not going to lie after Julia Lester’s rendition of “Home” last week (which I have not STOPPED listening to) it would be amazing to hear these teens tackle more broadway-style music. Which, takes me to my final point: the cast. What I love so much about Into the Woods is how it is very much an ensemble cast. Yes some roles are bigger than others, but if you have a named character, odds are it’s a fairly good role. And the whole HSMTMTS cast is so talented, I like the idea of them picking a show where it does not feel like anyone is sidelined with their part. Now the only thing left to do is cast it…

FULL disclosure. I ran into an issue early on that I ended up thinking Ashlyn was perfect for every female role and Seb was perfect for every male role. But I was eventually able to push through and cast it (in my humble opinion) pretty well. So I am just going to go off in the order that I cast them, because I think it will help explain my thought process.

THE CAST

Cinderella - Nini. Once I got over my need to hear Julia/Ashlyn sing “No One Is Alone” (loophole to this coming later), this felt like a pretty natural fit and was one of the easiest to cast. For one, I just think Olivia’s vocal range pairs very well with Cinderella’s and she could do beautifully with her songs like “On the Steps Of The Palace”. But what really got me was the way she parallels the character so perfectly. Cinderella is a character who always dreams of more but isn’t quite sure what that “more” is. And because she isn’t *quite* sure what she wants, the character is often seen grappling with indecision (see: “On The Steps Of The Palace”). Most of Act I is her being stagnant and letting the Prince take the active role. Finally in Act II she starts to get a better sense of who she is, who she wants to be, and what she doesn’t want. So this felt like it tied in really nicely with Nini’s journey and would be a great role for her, especially when…

Cinderella’s Prince - Ricky. Yes, yes I know. Ricky and Nini playing love interests? Groundbreaking. But stay with me. For one, I just like the idea of Ricky not getting the lead male role, and this part is perfect for him, regardless. The whole relationship between Cinderella and her Prince mirrors Nini and Ricky remarkably well. The way the Prince sees Cinderella as this perfect maiden who, if he could just be with her, would be the only thing he would ever want/need. But of course this isn’t realistic and isn’t how relationships work, which they both come to terms with by the end of Act II. Their break-up/parting ways scene might be my favorite in the entire play and I think it would be so great for Ricky and Nini to get to perform. In part because the conclusion of the scene is basically them both admitting that they will always love the idea of the other, even though they don’t actually work as a couple. (**I am operating on the assumption that they will have broken up in season 2 and are still broken up, but never really dealt with it). Honestly I recommend just watching the scene I will link it here (it goes from about 2:12:35-2:15:00). Plus, I could totally see there being an episode where they are trying to rehearse this scene, but it just isn’t working so Miss Jenn has both of them improv it or rewrite the lines to something that might feel more comfortable or personal. And I just see that being a really beautiful moment for the two and a chance for growth and closure. I could go on about this dynamic, but I will move on to my final point: “Agony”. First, while it is mostly a comedic song, you can take just the first verse of the song and recontextualize it really nicely as a Ricky pining kind of song, which I absolutely dig (not quitting on my Rina endgame, and you can’t make me) I mean: “If I should lose her, how shall I regain the heart she has won from me? Agony, beyond power of speech, when the one thing you want is the only thing out of your reach”. And BONUS I think we could also get a full-on version of “Agony” in all its absurdist glory with…

Rapunzel’s Prince - EJ. Well, sort of. Technically, no. BUT for the purposes of “Agony”, yes. At this point EJ will have graduated, but I don’t think he will be written out of the show, so it remains to be seen exactly what his place will be. I just think these two 100% need a song together and this is 100% that song. I could see it being something as simple as EJ is helping out with the show, the unnamed kid playing Rapunzel’s Prince is out, so they have EJ fill in. Or they have to have him go on for that kid last minute during the performance. It’s a quick, easily explainable thing that would have SUCH a great payoff.

Jack - Big Red. This was certainly one of the easier ones to cast, but my first thought was of course Seb. Jack is just a boy whose best friend is his cow and Seb radiates that energy. But I needed him for something else. Enter Big Red, the perfect Jack. For one, Big Red has a lot of that starry eyed wonderment that Jack has, that none of the other characters do. There is a purity and innocence to the way Jack sees a lot of things. That pairs nicely with Big Red. And it also opens the door for him to grow and mature more as a character. By the end of the show, Jack is in a place where is needs to transition more to adulthood and with Big Red being a senior by season 3, I think there is a lot of potential here. Also, with Big Red as Jack, I really like the character he is often paired with in scenes, but I will hold back until I get to them.

Witch - Kourtney. Yes. It is her time. One can debate over which character is the “main character” of Into the Woods, but for me it’s the Witch. And Kourtney deserves this. Did I heavily consider Ashlyn for this as well? You know I did. But I grow more and more confident in the casting of Kourtney the more I think about it. First thing’s first: the Witch belts, and I mean BELTS. Dara is such a powerhouse vocally that she would crush every moment of that; I have total faith. But the Witch also has such quiet and tender moments that people don’t think about as much, but are so necessary for the character to be effective and I think she also has that on lock. We have not seen a ton of it (so I would be eager to get more) but when she did her version of “Beauty and the Beast” she was able to find soft but strong moments in the song, and it was so lovely. Then, from a more thematic POV, the Witch is characterized as “the voice of reason”. While everyone else is running around in their fairytale dream world, she is always the one there dolling out the reality checks. And if that ain’t Kourtney. Basically, I think it is her time to get the lead and she would be amazing in this role.

Baker - Seb. Finally settled on a role for him. But really, how could it be anything else? I have felt since the first time we heard him sing (in Truth, Justice, and Songs in our Key, I think) that he was severely underused. The Baker is essentially the male lead, and he has earned it. I don’t think there’s much more that needs to be said here.

Baker’s Wife - Ashlyn. Here’s the thing: could someone else be cast as Baker’s Wife? Yes. And I am sure they would do a fine job. But the thing about this role is that you often don’t realize how fantastic it is until you see someone really great playing it. There’s heart, humor, tragedy, and so much more all wrapped into this character and I would far and away trust Julia/Ashlyn with this above all others. And Baker’s Wife gets to sing a short reprise of “No One Is Alone” so I get to win both ways. No matter how I try to cast it or rearrange characters, I keep coming back to the fact that Ashlyn is just hands down the correct choice. Plus she is one of the better options when it comes to having chemistry with Seb. And I’m not even talking about romantic chemistry, just more about the camaraderie of it, and being able to really see them as a team worth rooting for. They both have an inherent sweetness that makes you care for them, which is crucial for the show. AND this would be another opportunity for Julia Lester to flex her acting after playing VERY different roles in HSM and BATB. Basically, I don’t know when it happened, but I think I am a Julia Lester stan and I only want what is best for her and I think this is it.

Little Red - Gina. “Didn’t see that one coming did you?” -Pietro Maximoff. And honestly same. There’s always that tough moment in casting when you’ve done the more obvious ones and then you feel sort of stuck with cast choices that weren’t really your choice. But this one really grew on me. Hopefully, I can do it justice. And I will be the first to admit Gina deserves her time to shine because I do think she is amazing. It just isn’t her time yet. It also doesn’t help that Into the Woods is one of the LEAST dance-centered shows and dance it where she really puts all others to shame. So this is where we landed. But it works. I promise. Little Red as a character is pretty naïve, but covers it up with over the top confidence. That feels pretty Gina. I love where her character has gone and all the growth she is displayed in trying to be more vulnerable. But there is still a part of me that does miss mean girl Gina and I think Little Red is a great way to get that energy without backtracking the character development. I don’t think she would be the stereotypical “bratty” Little Red, but I think she could still do something great with it. Also very similar to Jack, Little Red is one of the more innocent characters that has to grow up and face a lot of harsh realities over the course of the play. And I have no doubt Gina would nail that aspect of it, too. And speaking of Jack, Little Red has a number of scenes interacting with him and you know what that means: Gina and Big Red bonding time! I really like the idea of these roles bringing the two closer as friends. And I already head-canon that they would have a ton of fun playing with the fact that they are now Big Red and Little Red (especially since he is on the shorter side and she is on the taller side). Basically I see this as a way for them to build up a really good rapport. I am also pretty convinced that Big Red is a secret Rina shipper, and this would only add to that. And finally even though this is not a dance-heavy show at all, one place where they could add a dance is during “Hello Little Girl”. Now I will be the first to admit that this song is dicey at best, particularly for Disney. But even a scene working on the dance with just the instrumental, no lyrics, could be great. I see it as a partner dance with the wolf (I don’t know dance terms, so maybe this is super vague). And oh, wouldn’t you know it? Cinderella’s Prince is often double-cast as the wolf! (WHAT ARE THE CHANCES) Meaning the Wolf would also be good ol’ Richard Bowen. And I like the idea of getting Rina scenes of them trying to work on the dance, but Ricky is super bad a leading, and they just have fun trying to figure it out. It’s also nice that it is absolutely not a romantic dance so the two wouldn’t feel any added pressure and could just have fun with one another, and that really is when Rina is at its best (not that I would say no to a scene where Gina has to teach Ricky the BATB waltz, but I digress).

Narrator/Mysterious Man - Carlos. By process of elimination, you probably could have guessed who was next. And I know this one also feels like a weird choice but I do kind of love it. First you have the narrator, which is another one of those roles that is only as memorable as the actor playing it, which I think is right up Carlos’ alley. He is always trying to put his unique stamp on things and be memorable and he would take the narrator in a very enjoyable direction. There’s also the matter that I see Carlos as something of an assistant director with Miss Jenn, which makes him a third-party observer of the shows inherently, so it is almost a little meta that he would also end up being the narrator. Then there’s is the mysterious man. I love the idea of Carlos getting to play two very different characters, but I love it even more because the mysterious man is the father of the baker which makes for a lot of sweet moments between the two of them. Yes it might be a little weird for Seblos to be playing father and son, but there is such a vulnerability and tenderness in the moments between the two characters, particularly during “No More” that I can get over it. Because I think they are one of the few pairings on this show that could really pull that off. I just think this character would be a great way to exhibit the range of Carlos.

**BONUS ALTERNATE CASTING**

I really, really love this idea and could not fault them if this was the direction they went, but I ultimately decided against it, mostly because I felt too strongly about another character having the role BUT:

Baker’s Husband - Carlos. I just really love the idea of Seblos getting to be front and center, with their dynamic as the focal point of the show. And honestly Carlos would also do an amazing job as this character. I mean, Seb and Carlos singing “It Takes Two”? How sweet is that? This would also be a great way for the development of their relationship to get a little bit more attention, instead of a side story here and there. There is a lot that could be done with this from a story perspective and I would be here for it.

Unfortunately, then that leaves me unsure of where to put Ashlyn. She could be Jack’s mother, but that feels like such a waste of her. I mean, she would do well and she does have the lead this year, so it’s not SO terrible her having a more minor character, but it just doesn’t feel right. And I really just feel so strongly that she would be the best option for Baker’s Wife out of everyone. And it opens the door to develop the Seb and Ashlyn friendship more, which I am always here for.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. If you made it this far: wow and thank you!

#hsmtmts #rina #hsmtmts season 3

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lov3nerdstuff · 4 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 6.1}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.8k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

The weeks at the end of the term flew by like a soft summer breeze. After the accident in the Quidditch stadium, Jorien really had been entirely fine and back to her normal self within a day after the incident in the infirmary, while Robin had been left with a clicking wrist and a small, ragged scar on the side of her neck. It luckily wasn't all too visible unless someone stood really close to her, and she soon had developed a habit of absentmindedly tracing it with her fingertips when she was lost in thought.

Robin had spent the last weeks of school mostly in the potions classroom again, studying for the impending OWLs instead of working in the laboratory, and occasionally she had even gotten Snape to quiz her on other subjects than his own. Then finally, during the week of the theoretical and practical examinations, Robin had been entirely shocked by just how easy the OWLs were in comparison to what she had imagined them to be. It had just been ordinary tests and tasks like she had always received throughout the years, in a bit of a different format perhaps, and she had done her utmost to ace them all.

In the evening after her last exam, while everyone had been out and about celebrating with their friends, Robin had come to the office as always, and when Snape had brought her chocolate cake and coffee for their own kind of celebration, she had finally started crying as all the stress of the past few days and weeks melted from her at last. He hadn't lost a single word about it, and merely had seen to it that her coffee still was hot when her emotional catharsis had been over with.

And just like that the term had ended, and Robin had found herself almost crying again when she had to get on the train back to London. While Cas and Jorien had gone on and on about their summer plans during the ride, Robin had merely stared out of the window and watched the landscape fly by in a calm haze. Putting more and more distance between her and everything she loved.

Finally before she had parted from her role as mentor for the summer as well, she had let the two girls talk her into giving them her address so that they could write letters to her. Robin didn't expect them to actually do so, but oh well… they had been happy when they'd parted at the train station, and that's what mattered.

But only upon her arrival back at her parents' house hours later, Robin had to realize that this summer might quite possibly be the worst one yet. Suitcases everywhere, boxes of books and folders stacked on the stairs, almost empty wardrobes… for a moment, she had believed that either they were moving house, or that her parents were getting divorced. As it turned out though, neither was the case. Her parents simply hadn't deemed it necessary to inform her any sooner that they would be leaving for a research stay in the United States in two days, joining a project at some university in Iowa until their own term here in England would resume. Meaning they would be gone for the next three months.

Honestly, Robin hadn't even been surprised to hear that they hadn't deemed it necessary to ask for her approval, seeing as Robin herself never asked for theirs either. To them, their behavior was perfectly justified by the fact that Robin was almost seventeen and thus old enough to keep the household on her own, and even more so because this research project they were supposed to work on in the states was a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'. To them, Robin obviously had to understand that. And honestly, she did. She understood perfectly well that their careers meant more to them than she ever had, and she'd come to terms with that long ago.

That was why two days later she merely wished them good luck with a feigned smile, assured (but never promised) them that she would call if she had any problems, and waved them goodbye until in a year perhaps, when they would maybe see each other again. Because by the time they would return from the other side of the world, Robin would long be gone back to Hogwarts.

Admittedly, Robin at first wasn't even upset that they were gone. She might not know how to properly do laundry, or how to fix something around the house, but she was a quick study after all. She'd be alright. And there still was the small but pleasant fact that instead of simply giving her an allowance like they had done the years before, her parents simply had given her full access to their general finances and bank accounts for the duration of their absence. At least they seemed to have unconditional trust in her in that regard, that much was obvious.

And yet, the first week of being entirely alone in the large house was challenging. She had to learn to make meals for herself, which honestly wasn't so hard with the help of her mother's cookbooks, as it turned out to be just like potion making. But with food instead of stuff that could kill you. Overall, her first attempts at cooking were mediocre but edible. What turned out to be a bigger issue however, especially in the second week, was the cleaning. She'd only ever manually cleaned her own bedroom before, and seeing as the stupid law about underage magic prohibited her from cleaning the rest of the house with spells, she had to learn on the go how to do it the muggle way. Which was absolutely dreadful. She much preferred the cooking.

It was at the end of her second week of living alone that she received a letter from school. She didn't even bother returning back inside to open it, and simply sat down on the sun heated stairs in front of her house, placing her coffee mug next to her before finally ripping the letter open. Indeed, it was the results of her OWLs… With every line she read, her smile widened a little bit more. She'd received an Exceeds Expectations in astronomy, divination and history of magic, very much as expected, and an Outstanding in charms, transfiguration, herbology, care of magical creatures and potions, also as expected. But she had also received an Outstanding in defense against the dark arts, and she had definitely not expected that. Perhaps Morgan really was the only reason why she'd never gotten more than mediocre grades in the subject, and now that he wasn't the one grading her, it actually made a huge difference.

Robin couldn't stop grinning, and almost forgot her coffee on the stairs as she finally headed back inside and straight to what had once been her parents office. Now it had come to be hers for the time of their absence. She had to tell Snape about this success! Or did he know already? Even if he did, this posed a good enough reason, an excuse to write to him no matter what. So that's just what she did.

She told him of her other grades too and how these results would allow her to take all the classes next year that she had hoped to. After the bittersweet evening that had been her career advice talk, Robin had actually made an effort to come up with a plan of action for the N.E.W.T. classes. She still wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to do after school, but she had figured that it would definitely be something that fell into her prevailing field of interest. Which is why she had decided to definitely continue potions, herbology and care of magical creatures, which she'd honestly never even considered dropping in the first place. Then she had discovered that for sixth and seventh years students, an entirely new class was offered that however required an Outstanding in both potions and transfiguration, and she had very much hoped that she would meet the requirements. Seeing as she did, alchemy was also on her list of classes for next year. Finally, she had decided that she probably could make good use out of continuing charms class, even if it wasn't technically one of her interests. That had been it for the list she'd made. But now, with the results she had received… she seriously started to consider continuing defense against the dark arts as well. She had always enjoyed the class itself greatly, for the topics had actually interested her and she had deemed the contents useful enough, more so than charms even… but she just hadn't been able to imagine willingly putting up with Morgan any longer. Now however, as she saw that her final grade wasn't actually for him to decide over and that she must have learned something from the class (even if she'd done so by herself and outside of class time) if she had received an O, she seriously considered putting up with Morgan for two more years. For the sake of learning.

All of that Robin wrote in her letter to Snape, and it turned out to be quite a bit longer than she would've expected, but she also couldn't really care less. She sent him the letter as it was, and then went ahead to put her exam results on the fridge. It wasn't an official certificate anyway, only a notice of her grades, but she found this small act of protest against her parents' preferences quite gratifying. They hated it when people put stuff onto their fridges, and they would have no choice but to look at Robin's grades if they wanted to remove the paper from its place once they returned.

Two days later, Robin received a letter from Snape in return. He congratulated her on her remarkable results, of course unable to refrain from saying 'told you so' along the lines, and then commented on her intended choice of classes for the next year. Potions, herbology and care of magical creatures he deemed good and reasonable choices, his opinion on charms could be simply put as 'if you really want to', while however he deemed alchemy a nonsensical subject and thereby a waste of her time. Robin considered his words, but decided that she would see for herself if it was worth her time and effort. She could always drop the course after a few classes if she didn't like it. His opinion on defense against the dark arts however wasn't as distinct as Robin would've expected. He saw her point in wanting to learn and enjoying the contents, but he also couldn't deny that –while perhaps he should officially be saying something different– he didn't like the idea of Robin suffering under Morgan for two more years. That didn't make Robin's choice any easier, until she got to the next point in his letter, where he wrote that if she should choose to continue the class indeed, he would help her to deal with it in regard to both Morgan and to the contents. That settled the issue for Robin; she would continue defense against the dark arts, and she would be great in it despite whatever Morgan might do to make her suffer. With Snape on her side, she believed she could get through anything at all. But his letter didn't end with the comments on her class choices, as Robin would've expected. He went on to say that he'd only now received the usual invitation to the conference, belated for whatever screwups there had been, and that he would give it to Robin once more if she wished to attend and didn't already have other plans. The letter ended with that indeed.

What he obviously didn't know was that Robin had received her very own invitation just this morning, and she had every intention to attend either way. Actually, she rather hoped that Snape could be convinced to attend as well. It was just three more days until the conference, and if she wanted to actually receive a reply from him, she would do well to hurry. Thus she sent him a letter in response immediately, telling him of her own invite and that she would attend for sure, but also how that meant he could attend too and that she'd actually like it a lot if he did. She joked in her letter that she'd rather embarrass him in his presence than in his absence, hoping that it would make her sound a little less pleading and a lot less clingy in her request for him to attend together with her. But really, for Robin it all was just a matter of missing him a lot more than she should, and hoping that she would get to see him in a few days rather than in two months. It was worth a shot, and the worst he could do was to say that he didn't want to go.

One day later, Robin received the shortest answer she had ever gotten: Meet me in the entrance hall at seven thirty. We will go together.

… … …

On the day of the conference, Robin got up at four in the morning. Going from Oxford to London by train meant she had to waste quite a while on transportation alone, and then she also had to find the right building once again. All that before seven thirty, obviously.

Due to a prevailing lack of dressing options, she went with the very same skirt from the year prior once again, but paired it with a cream white lacey blouse this time. Victorian style, obviously, for she didn't even own any modern style dress shirts. They were boring, and she felt like the old fashioned style at least gave off the illusion that she belonged into the wizarding world a little more than she felt like she did. It was closer to robes than a t-shirt, after all, and together with her locket and the bracelets, she actually did look fancy enough to fit in with the dress robes everyone else would likely be sporting. The only flaw was the lack of dressy flats that was a direct result of the absence of most of her mother's wardrobe, and thus Robin had to make do with her own low top Doc Martens. What she lost in elegance, she gained in comfort though, and that perhaps was even better. What the old men thought of her clothes wasn't her problem, after all, but theirs. After grabbing her backpack, she locked the house behind herself and was on her way to the train station, even before sunrise.

She arrived at the correct building at precisely seven twenty, and once she walked into the entrance hall, she already spotted the familiar frame clad in black. The smile was on her face before she knew, and she tried to tone it down a bit as she approached him.

"You're early." Robin said once she was close enough, his back facing her until he turned around at the sound of her voice.

"So are you." He replied with risen eyebrows, and a surprisingly well hidden not-smirk. Right… they were among people again. "And quite obviously you never learn." A quick glance down to her apparel had Robin rolling her eyes at him openly.

"Not everyone possesses dress robes! This is the best I can do, alright? I don't come in a deluxe edition." She sighed, but his choice of words had made it obvious enough that it was a humorous complaint rather than a serious one, and thus Robin's smile lingered on her lips.

"I am merely concerned for those old creeps' dusty hearts. They might suffer a seizure because of you, and I am not in the mood to hide a body today." He said in feigned annoyance, before placing a hand on the small of Robin's back as they made for the stairs. The touch had her skin crawling in an instant, and her own heartbeat echoing in her ears despite the noise of the people around them.

"If they're being creeps in the first place, I honestly couldn't care less what they think." She finally replied, confidently for the most part, once they stepped into the correct hallway. "This is a potions conference, not a fashion show. And I expect to be respected no matter what I wear or how old I am."

"Doesn't it ever get annoying?"

"What?" Robin frowned at his out of context question, and the short halt in her movement had his hand pressing against her back just a little firmer. It wasn't intentional, but she wouldn't complain either.

"Being right all the time." He sighed quietly, and Robin had to smile. Good to hear they were on the same page. "As long as I do not receive letters from people gushing over you again, I couldn't care less what they think either."

"What's so bad about people gushing over me?"

"Perhaps we should discuss this at a different time." He mused, just as they stepped up to the table in front of the conference room again. The same old man Robin had met last year was sitting behind it, with a friendly smile and studious eyes.

"Ah, Miss Mitchell! How delightful to see you here again." He said even before either Robin or Snape could as much as show him their invitation cards. "I needn't see your invite, I am well aware that you must have received one."

"You remember my name?" Robin asked with a small frown that gave away just a hint of her surprised confusion, and accepted the name tag the old man held out to her. He really did remember her name… R. Mitchell, written in perfect cursive.

"I doubt that a single person in that room doesn't remember you, dear." He laughed in return. "And those who pretend they don't, you can kindly ignore."

"Thank you." She returned with a small smile, and then looked up at Snape while she stuck her name tag onto her blouse. He looked as annoyedly unimpressed as he always did around his students, and Robin's smile turned into a smirk.

"You are the one who gave Miss Mitchell the invitation last year! Lucky fellow you are if you have a friend like her…" The old man addressed Snape then as he had looked at his invite for a second, and Robin could've straight out laughed at the scowl on Snape's face.

"Indeed." He said however, in a neutral drawl that let on neither disapproval nor actual agreement. Perhaps he simply didn't want to bother correcting the man, or perhaps he did see her as something like a friend by now. Who knew. Either way, it filled Robin with a joyous excitement.

Once they went on into the conference room, they barely had time to find two empty seats at the back before people Robin vaguely remembered started entrapping her in conversations. A few people who seemed to know Snape also approached him, but he got to take his seat eventually while Robin was more or less unwillingly passed on from wizard to wizard for the sake of conversations she didn't want to be having in the first place. But she'd promised herself to be polite, and so she smiled and sometimes suffered through all of them until at last they were asked to take their seats for the lectures to begin.

With a sigh of relief, Robin finally found her chair next to Snape and dropped down in contentment at being done with the smalltalk.

"I had no idea you were so… in demand." He commented quietly while Robin dug out a notebook and pen from the depths of her backpack.

"I wish I wasn't! Honestly, I couldn't care less about which great jokes someone came up with, or who else had mentioned my name in whatever conversation." She groaned under her breath, rolling her eyes at the insane amount of nonsense she had previously been exposed to. "Like I am anyone worth bragging to…"

"You are the only one who lets them brag without cutting in with your own great achievements."

"Right. Because I don't have any in the first place. I passed my OWLs, that's as good as it gets."

"You discovered a spell for finding nocturnal flowers almost effortlessly. Improved a healing potion. Discovered how to come by Alteria pearls."

"I discovered how to make you smile." Robin added quietly, and instantly bit her lip as if that would take the words back.

"That surely is your greatest achievement of them all, yes." He scoffed in dripping sarcasm, and Robin had to snort at his words, which drew a little too much attention to them, but only for a short moment.

"At least it's my favorite one." She finally said, shrugging a little as she stared down at her notebook with a smile of her own.

"Good." He replied, in that way that said more than he did. "Now focus on the lecture or I will make you."

"I'd like to see you try." Robin smirked, but turned her attention to the person on the pedestal nonetheless, who had only just gotten past an introduction.

"I am sure you would."

… … …

The lectures were fairly interesting as they had been in the last year as well, but the discussions were merely mediocre. That was why throughout those parts, Robin and Snape kept on making comments to each other about the people around them as well as the topics discussed, at every given opportunity. It was hilarious, even if not the nicest thing to do, or rather especially because it wasn't. But it truly was inevitable, for every time Robin tried to stop the comments from spilling past her lips, he tripped her back into it and the other way round as well. During the lectures however they truly stopped humoring each other in order to listen, and as a gesture of respect for the person talking.

It was only in the afternoon, long after the lunch break, that the good mood was threatened by the next person taking the speaker's desk; Kenneth Crowe, the very man Robin had embarrassed last year. And obviously he as well as everyone else in the room seemed to remember that in the same moment she did, for multiple eyes were on Robin in an instant. She sat up straighter, subtly shifting in her seat in discomfort. They seemed to expect something of her, something specific, but she couldn't fathom what it was even as they kept glancing at her while the man started his lecture. Just to give her hands something to do, Robin tied the wavy mess on her head into a bun and fixated it with her pen. Then she dug out another one from her backpack, twisted it between her fingers as she tried to focus on the lecture, but eventually put it down on her notebook and instead let her fingertips trace over the delicate scar on her neck. The certainty that at least one pair of eyes that wasn’t Snape’s was on her constantly made her heart rate explode, and everything was suddenly louder than the lecture. Her heartbeat, the rustling of paper, the low humming of the ventilation system…

"Remember to breathe." Snape's deep voice barely reached her ears, be it for his quiet tone or her state of distraction. "You have nothing to fear."

"But what if the idiot up front asks me something I don't know the answer to? As a late revenge? I will embarrass you and everyone will laugh at me."

"How likely is it that he will ask you a question that neither you nor I can answer?" He asked in return, and Robin had to admit that he had a point. "In the worst case, you do not always need to know the answer to a question to reply to it. Distract them; tell them something you do know instead."

"I can do that, I think…" Robin nodded to herself, and the relentless racing of her heart was slowly calmed down by a warm blanket of reassurance.

"Obviously you can. You play other people's games by your own rules all the time, and I do not know anybody else who is nearly as good at it as you are." He said, as if it was just another fact, a natural law he didn't doubt, and Robin smiled down at her notebook for a moment. His trust in her abilities was reassuring, if not delightfully empowering. And she couldn't help smiling on, as she finally turned to listen to the lecture.

Kenneth Crowe presented the very same healing potion as last year, in a revised version with improvements and the most recent developments in his reach. And while he did admit to the mistake that Robin had called out last year, he claimed that her suggestion to use Plangentine had, in fact, not worked out, which for him had resulted in a multitude of partially still unsolved problems. Robin's jaw dropped at that, and out of the corner of her eyes she saw that Snape wore his usual irritated scowl as well; They had used Plangentine, and very much succeeded in it. However, it hadn't technically been legal that they had even made the potion in the first place, and thus they both remained silent about it. At least towards Crowe and the other attendees in the open discussion that followed upon the lecture, which unfortunately consisted mostly of praise for the man and his work.

"They kneel before his throne unaware that it was built on lies." Snape complained quietly, glaring at Crowe who bathed in the attention he was getting. It really was a mystery why he would lie about the Plangentine… either he hadn't even tried it out, or he was trying to hide that it had worked indeed.

"Worry not, for they will see his lies to be but the ashen path to our castle of masterful deceit." Robin replied with a small smile as she looked at Snape next to her, and he raised an eyebrow in surprise as he returned her gaze at last.

"Where did you get that from?"

"Oh, you know... the craters of hell." She smirked, shrugging a little. "No seriously, I just made it up to humor you."

"Pity. I was wondering what our castle of masterful deceit might look like."

"Oh I do have an idea for-..."

"Miss Mitchell, if I may request your attention for a moment…" Crowe spoke up loudly enough to interrupt Robin in her quiet explanation, and she tried not to look too startled as she turned to look at the man at the front. "I would like to give you the opportunity to defend your proposition of the last year, even if proven wrong, if you please. Perhaps your idea can still prove useful in its origin?"

Something small within Robin snapped, and she remembered just why she had never regretted embarrassing this man. He was an arse from top to bottom, and gone was her decision to try not to upset him further. He was begging for it, and Robin would let herself be dragged into his pettiness for once.

"If you expect me to defend myself for something I still believe to be correct, you are mistaken. I will not. I stand with my suggestion from the previous year to use Plangentine." She started rather diplomatically, testing the waters Crowe was willing to enter here. It sufficed to raise some whispering.

"Well, seeing as it obviously did not work, you would do well to let go of such childish stubbornness and adapt to the methods of science! This is a professional event and not a tea party!" He replied in a sharp tone, and honestly Robin simply had to smile. This was ridiculous… how could adults indeed be so incredibly childish? She couldn't even feel properly insulted when he said things like this!

"May I?" Robin asked with a smile, turning to Snape with a humored expression.

"Please do." He replied with equal amusement. "I would do it myself, but I gladly surrender him to you."

With a deep breath and a polite smile, Robin turned back to Crowe. She had every intention not only to blow holes into his ship, but to send it to the bottom of the goddamn ocean of his own tears.

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bastillewolf · 4 years

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It’s More About Looks Than Skill (VII)

Pairing: Ryuk/Reader.

Summary: Ryuk finds himself gaining feelings for Light Yagami’s best friend, but she doesn’t know he exists. When he makes the grave mistake of touching her, he makes things a lot more complicated.

Warnings: mentions of violence and death.

Notes: Been gone for a while, my apologies. Haven’t really been as hyped about Death Note as I used to be. But I want to finish this story for you all. Thank you for your patience. Furthermore, I won’t be responding to ‘when will you update?’ asks. I understand the excitement, but it doesn’t really help. Hope you understand. Sorry!

Tag list: @sarai-ibn-la-ahad, @rustypotatospork @mantisandthemoondragon @baby-queen-girl @itscalledtrust @emilyshurley @killtherandomness @selmeuuh @felicity291

If I wasn’t able to tag you, please check your settings and send me another ask. Thank you! Let me know if you’d like to be added to the list!

Chapter VII

It wasn’t unusual for her to be early to appointments these days. Her anxiety never really allowed her to be late anymore. But, for what it was worth, L seemed rather happy with the fact. He told her it always gave them more time to go over important information and that it showed him she realized the importance of the case.

“However, it also makes you think I’m Kira, doesn’t it?” she wondered.

“Elaborate,” he simply replied.

“My eagerness to participate only gives you all the more reason to suspect me. But if I were to be late, you might think I’d do it on purpose to avoid any detection. If I’m always right on time, it’d be too obvious that I’ve thought about it before. All cases give you a 50-50 chance, really. So, I’d suggest you stop paying attention to the clock every time I walk in, because it doesn’t give you any hints whatsoever.”

He smiled as he opened another stick of sugar and threw it in his coffee. “You explaining yourself to me tells me you’ve thought more about it than you should have. Which could also mean that you’re Kira. However, elaborating on your ideas about me looking at the clock every time you show up also tells me you’re more something of an open book.”

“Which brings us right back to stage one. What percentage do you give me to be Kira now?”

“Hm, I’d say about 70.”

“Wow, I’m honoured, really. Dropped 5 percent since last time.”

“The fact that you remembered that has brought you back to 80.”

She smirked. It was the little banter between them that made her less nervous about the elephant in the room that only she knew about; she knew who Kira was, and she couldn’t tell a soul.

Though Light had been an utter ass to her since the summer had started, she’d known him since they were just kids. She knew he must have his reasons, however stupid they might be, and she wasn’t just going to give up that life-long friendship in a heartbeat just because he was being ridiculous.

She couldn’t support Light knowing she’d be a fellow convict of murder herself, but she couldn’t stand the thought of him possibly being sent to prison, not to mention the possibility of him receiving death penalty. And where would Ryuk go? He would go back to the Shinigami realm, bored out of his mind and she’d never see him again. It’s why she’d decided to let things play out naturally and perhaps make some adjustments here and there on her own, if deemed necessary.

“I’m meeting Light later this afternoon,” L told her, “I hope you still don’t mind working with him?”

She shifted in her seat a bit. “Why would I mind working with him?”

L blinked. He knew that she knew he wasn’t stupid and didn’t know why she even bothered to try to cover up the fact they weren’t really on speaking terms. She rolled her eyes at his comically silent response, telling him she’d be fine. “It’s a serious case. I can act like a professional if he can, too.”

“Alright. I was only asking because I can’t have you back out of this case. You’re too valuable.”

“Too valuable?” she winked.

His pale cheeks were dusted in a rosy pink as she slipped her jacket back on. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ryuuzaki. Have fun interrogating Light.”

“Thanks.”

Her walk home was enjoyed with a cool breeze breaking the sunlight on her skin. She felt a lot better now that she had something that could keep her busy. Though it did involve Light, she was glad she’d be out and about, making a difference instead of sulking in her room. Even if it was keeping the biggest secret anyone’s ever had to carry.

Even while considering the circumstances, she still remained more positive than during her former bleak vacation days.

Until she received a phone call.

“My dad’s in the hospital. He had a heart attack.”

One page taken from the Death Note, or even a fragment of the page, contains the full effects of the Note.

It appeared that Light’s father was doing a lot better since she’d picked up her phone and started her run to the hospital, because he was resting in bed and already talking business again with L and his son.

“So, Ryuuzaki, now that you’ve had the chance to talk to my son, is he cleared as a suspect?”

“When I say I suspect him, you should know it’s very minor,” L replied. She could tell he tried to communicate it in a more reassuring way, realistically because the man had just suffered from a heart attack. He wouldn’t be so gentle with him otherwise.

“And what about (Y/N)? You must know that she’s like a daughter to me. Her parents work a lot and she’s always been a trusted friend of my son’s.”

She met L’s dark eyes and shared a look with him. “80 percent,” she told Soichiro before the young man himself could answer.

“80 percent?! That’s outrageous!” the chief proclaimed.

“Don’t worry, mister Yagami. I don’t take it personally,” she insisted, “It makes more sense for me to be the bigger suspect. My parents, like you said, are often gone to work or business trips. I’ve been lucky that I’ve always had your family to support me, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have had the potential trauma of loneliness since birth. I’m smart and have the grades to prove it, I really have no other friends than your son and have always had a tendency to rally against authority. I could have sociopathic tendencies and you wouldn’t even know about it, because, like you said, I’m like a daughter to you. It makes all the more sense that I’m Kira.”

Soichiro seemed at a loss for words, not sure if he should either be concerned or amazed. Perhaps both, he decided.

“Which is why she’s a key member of this case. I need to keep a close eye on her,” L added.

It was only then she decided to finally meet the eyes that had been drilling her since the moment she’d stepped into the room. She saw what the stress was doing to him, something only a trained eye who’d known him for years would recognize. And she faced the subtle emotion hidden behind the whole façade; the appreciation of her subtle way to shift the villain role to herself.

He followed her out when she went to grab a cup of tea.

“Why are you doing this?” he demanded.

She seeped the bag in the paper cup a few times before she decided to speak to him directly. “Why am I doing what?” she decided to play.

“We haven’t been friends since before the summer started. Why are you suddenly being… supportive?” He wasn’t sure who was listening, so the best way for him to go at this is to involve their personal affairs to cover up the main issue. He knew she’d understand what he really meant, after all.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s something called ‘human decency’. I know you don’t have a concept of that, since I wasn’t the one who just cut off all forms of communication with my best friend, after all.

“I thought you’d understand,” he ground out.

“I do understand, Light. I understand that you’re an absolute idiot for thinking you could take on this ‘case’ without me. You’re never going to be able to handle this on your own. Even with your dad there, or someone like Ryuuzaki, no one knows what you’re really struggling with. What you’re really going through right now.”

He remained silent.

“I don’t forgive you for ignoring me all summer. I don’t forgive you for not being the friend I needed. But I won’t just stand by and watch you destroy yourself and the people you care about without a second thought. Because that’s what you’re doing now.”

She watched as his eyes fixated on the door of the room his father was staying in. It was an internal struggle, his mind telling him multiple things while his gut told him only one.

“Alright. I’m sorry,” he finally sighed, “I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I need my best friend back.”

“Wow, I didn’t think there was any room for sympathy left in that narcissistic brain of yours.”

“I will take that back if you continue to be arrogant, (Y/N),” he grumbled.

She snorted, “I’m always arrogant. It’s why you like me.”

“I suppose I can finally get Ryuk off my back now…”

#Death Note #Ryuk x reader #Light Yagami #Lawliet #Light yagami x reader #L #Fanfiction #Shinigami #Romance #Lawliet x reader #Anime #Manga

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animebaby00 · 3 years

Note

Request: Makoto/Haru

Makoto and Haru in university. Makoto is involved in an accident. Haru called out of class. Their story of recovery. Makoto with a broken leg/ribs and Haru from the traumatic fear of almost losing Makoto. Haru takes care of Makoto.

Phew ! I'm so sorry this took awhile to get out! But it's here and ready for you! I hope you like it!

Our Pain is Also Our Strength

(WARNING: Mentions of car accidents below)

Haru knew something was wrong the moment he got called out of swim practice at Hidaka University. The odd feeling he got when he was told to go to the office. It made his skin prickle with unease and made his hands become sweaty and cold, creating a heavy sensation that felt like a rock was sitting deep in the middle of his stomach.

It was such a rare occurrence. On one hand alone, he could count the amount of times he'd been taken out of class during all of his years in elementary school and highschool. Most of the time, it had been for medical reasons, things involving family. But as far as he knew, there was no such issue in any of those departments.

Until today.

Static rang in his ears upon hearing it. A woman at a desk muttered something to him, a collection of about 30 words, but Haru only registered 3 as he ran out of the school's building and to the nearest train station

Makoto, accident, and hospital.

Those were the words that repeated over and over and over again in his mind and not just because of their connections, but because Haru just couldn't register…

How? And why?

He wasn't even sure what "accident" meant. Did he fall? Injure himself? Did something happen at work? Did someone step out of line and hurt him? He hoped it wasn't that.

Who would even hurt someone who was as nice,sweet, and considerate as Makoto?

So many questions that Haru didn't know the answer to. And that scared him.

However, that feeling increased tenfold when he was told at the reception that Makoto was in the emergency ward as well as full detail of what happened.

It was a traffic accident. Not as extreme as most but effective enough to cause a significant amount of damage. Makoto had been at an intersection at the corner, preparing to turn, and some bastard had run a red light.

Makoto's car had spun around due to the compact and the driver's side had collided with the base pole of another stoplight on the adjacent side of the street, trapping him inside. Supposedly, he had been unconscious when the paramedics arrived on the scene, but had woken up due to all the commotion. That was all the information Haru had collected until he just couldn't take it anymore and promptly asked where Makoto's room was.

He excused himself from the individuals he had bumped into to get there, apologized for pushing himself into the already full elevator that would take him to the proper floor. He didn't feel bad though, considering that he was damn sure that anyone who was in his situation with a boyfriend who was in an unknown state after an unfortunate accident would be in a rush just like he was in now.

Finally, he arrived, and he wasted no time in entering, desperation and worry gnawing away down into his bones.

"Makoto ?" He asked urgently, practically sprinting inside the room, "Makoto ? Are you in here ?"

"H-Haru ?"

His blood froze, eyes widening at Makoto's voice.

It sounded so weak.

Slowly, Haru peered around the privacy curtain in the center of the room that divided off the bed from a double sink area and an extra IV stand, gaze resting on the inhabitant in the bed he had been so worriedly aching to see.

And the sight he was met with utterly knocked the wind out of him.

He'd never ever thought that he'd have to see Makoto, his Makoto, in a state like this.

The first thing he noticed was the cast, huge, bulky, riding all the way from the top of Makoto's foot to his midthigh, elevated with a stack of thick hospital pillows. Crisp, clean bandages were thickly wrapped on a few sections of his arms, but a more noticeable one was wrapped widely around his chest area, their whiteness off set by the splotches of several bruises that littered his skin. There were a few butterfly bandages on his forehead and over his brow to seal the more minor injuries, and several IV cords were dangling from the holders above, administering from what Haru could count as 3 different medications.

And Makoto sat in the middle of it all, and still managed to,somehow, keep that damned, adorable, beautiful smile on his face. It was smaller than usual, but still, it was there.

All too quickly, he found himself rushing forward in angry, terrified, relief to Makoto's side. He pulled him into his arms the best he could without hurting him, not giving a damn when the hot tears that he didn't even know he was holding in, cascaded in waterfalls down his face.

"M-Makoto," he hiccuped, burying his face into the crook of his neck, "God, Makoto…"

He could feel the bigger male hum against his ear, warm arms and hands encircling his back, "It's okay, Haru. I'm alright. I'm here."

"S-shut up. Y-you almost…" he pulled away, furiously wiped at his face, and proceeded to cup Makoto's cheeks in his hands, gliding his fingers over his jaw, his cheekbones, and the bridge of his nose, committing every single feature to absolute memory. He leaned forward, allowing their foreheads to touch and he let out a shaky sigh.

"D-do you know how m-much that s-scared me? I...I thought you-"

"Hey, come on." Makoto's soft voice eased, grabbing onto the hands that were cradling his face, ""Don't think like that."

"How can I not?!" Haru wept, voice cracked like broken glass, "This isn't something we can just forget about! I could've lost you today, Makoto !"

"I know…" the injured male trailed, hurt by his boyfriend's distressed outburst. He couldn't blame him though. If Haru had been the one in his position, he would probably be saying the exact same thing right now.

He grabbed the distressed male's hands in his own.

They were covered in cold sweat, but Makoto didn't mind in the slightest.

"Haru please, calm down. There's nothing we can do right now until the doctor comes back in so let's just...talk. Okay?"

A light pressure could be felt against his palms and Haru looked down, noticing the gentle squeeze from Makoto's fingers. His staggered breathing calmed some and he closed his eyes.

"Y-you're right." He stammered, amazed at how easy it was for him to calm down by Makoto's simple touch, "I'm sorry. Anger is the last thing you need. I shouldn't have come in so...so"

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. If I were you, I probably would have done the same thing," he ghosted his fingers over Haru's knuckles, "You have every right to be upset and it would be a lie if I said I wasn't upset too. No one wants to be in the...position that I'm in right now. It's not exactly ideal, or comfortable for that matter."

Haru's eyes immediately widened, "Are you in pain?" he fretted, to which he got an immediate reply of a shaking of a head.

"No, not really. They've been pumping me full of drugs since I've got here. If anything, I just feel really sluggish and tired, but I can't really find the ability to sleep. They didn't want me too just in case I had a concussion."

"Oh…"

"Haru?"

"Hm?"

Makoto opened his arms, and Haru immediately shook his head.

"Why not?"

"I don't…" he looked down at the floor, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Silly," Makoto chuckled, arms spreading the tiniest bit wider, "You won't hurt me. Now come here."

Haru looked off to the side a little uneasily, but then proceeded to scoot forward until he was laying in the crook of the space between Makoto's arm and the side of his chest, head resting on his shoulder.

"There," Makoto smiled, "Much better."

Haru said nothing, instead opting to guide Makoto's face towards his. And in one, swift movement, their lips were merged together in a soft, heartfelt kiss

Makoto's eyes closed at the feel of Haru's cool, sweet lips on his, noticing the feel of his hand gripping his neck in a gentle, desperate fashion as he carded his fingers through Haru's soft, dark hair. Those actions were a silent agreement that right now, this was what they needed most.

~~~~~~~

"There. Does that feel okay? Not too high? Do you need me to move anything?"

Makoto chuckled, "It feels perfect Haru. Thank you."

He nodded, "I'll be right back with the ice, do you want anything from the kitchen while I'm in there ?"

"No, I'm okay. Just the ice is fine."

"Okay…"

It's been 2 weeks since Makoto's accident, and during that time, Haru had been doing absolutely everything he could to aid in Makoto's recovery.

When the doctor had come back in to speak to the both of them, he had revealed that Makoto had a plethora of injuries.

He didn't have a concussion which was good, but he did suffer from a broken right leg, 2 broken ribs, some cuts and bruises, and he had to get a few stitches on a cut above his eyebrow. They were certainly grateful they both had good medical insurance and savings since it was obvious that Makoto was going to be down for some time.

The doctor gave him an estimation of 2 months with the cast and an additional month with a leg brace as well as some light physical therapy. All in all, a supposed 3 month period before he would make a full recovery.

That meant, he couldn't coach, teach, or swim at all until that time period was up. He had also been put on strict bed rest for 3 weeks minus the necessary actions of using the bathroom, to which he had to use crutches to do so in addition to any other walking around that he did. At least Makoto only had 1 week of bedrest left, and he was grateful for that. He was also immensely grateful for all of the things Haru had been doing to take care of him.

The chores around the house; cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the shopping. Making sure he was comfortable at all times, helping him bathe and get dressed while also attending college on top of it all. Haru was doing it all and it was definitely a lot to take care of. And while Makoto deeply appreciated it...he couldn't help but feel bad, but he knew there was nothing he could do except help out in the tiny increments where he could while also ensuring Haru that he was fine.

Which he was having to do a lot as of late.

"Here, I have your ice."

Makoto snapped his head up, "Hm? Oh, thank you Haru!"

"No problem…"

Haru gently set the ice pack to lay steadily on the base of Makoto's cast then took a seat next to the temporarily disabled male, head moving to lay on his shoulder as he grabbed the remote to randomly scan through the TV channels.

Makoto shifted his position slightly, arm raising to rest over Haru's shoulders. Even from the slight touch, Makoto could feel how tense they were. He gently ran his hand over them, even turning it up to smooth at the base of Haru's neck where his hair ended, and he frowned slightly as the rumble of a yawn left Haru's lips.

"Are you tired?"

"A little."

"Why don't you get some sleep…"

"I'm fine."

"But Haru-"

"I have to take care of you."

A sigh left Makoto's lips. This was growing to be his response for absolutely everything. He gently squeezed his boyfriend's shoulder.

"I'll be fine for a few hours. You need to stop thinking about me so much and also take some time to look after yourself. You're exhausted Haru, anyone can see that."

Haru shook his head "It was just that stupid nightmare I had. It woke me up a few times, that's all. I'll sleep better tonight."

A deeper frown etched it's way onto Makoto's lips.

Every so often for the last few nights, he was aware that Haru had been struggling to get a good night's sleep. It was only about a week ago that Haru shared the information that he was having nightmares about the accident and Makoto was devastated. But once again, he couldn't blame him, even though he had told Haru to wake him on the occasions that he did have them so that he could at least talk and try to quell the feelings they caused for his traumatized love. From what Haru told him, they weren't pleasant, almost all of them resulting in a twisted, gory ending that was nowhere close to what actually happened.

"Haru…" Makoto whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't want to bother you. You need rest."

"And so do you."

Makoto guided his other hand under Haru's chin, inwardly wincing as the action caused a twinge of pain to shoot through his chest, but he didn't care. Slowly, he guided Haru's head to look at him, green to a heavy, exhausted, dark-circle rimmed blue.

"Listen, I know you're worried about me, and you have every right to be. What happened was... uneventful. And it was unexpected and scary. I get that. But you wearing yourself down to care for me isn't going to help anything."

Haru pressed his lips together, and looked downwards, "...It's not just that."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Why I'm doing this? It's not just to help you. It's..." he looked back up, eyes now brimming with tears " It's so that I'm always with you. I don't want to leave your side."

Makoto felt his heart jitter uncomfortably in his chest, "Oh, Haru…"

"What happened two weeks ago," he started suddenly, "It scared me. I...I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life. Seeing you like that...it just showed me what life can do to you."

Makoto stayed silent as Haru continued, his voice growing to become tight and strained.

"All I can picture is what else could have happened. I just can't get it out of my head. I don't want to have nightmares, I don't want to be fearful. But I realized then, when I saw you…" he swallowed thickly, and gripped the fabric of Makoto's t-shirt, tears falling.

"I saw how fast things can be taken away from you. How fast you can lose the things you care about, and I don't ever want you to be taken away from me…!"

Makoto was at a loss for words as Haru cried into his shoulder. This whole time, he was so scared, terrified, and he left it eating away at him until he couldn't anymore.

This accident affected the both of them, sure. But it had affected Haru so much more that he originally thought.

"Hey," Makoto urged gently, tilting Haru's face up "Come on Haru, look at me."

He did, slowly, his eyes soaked with tears. Makoto smiled warmly and wiped them away with his thumbs.

"I won't ever be taken away from you, I want you to know that right now. Nothing could ever, EVER separate us so I don't want you to be scared that something will." Makoto looked downwards at his cast, " Accidents happen whether we want them to or not, and they can do a significant amount of damage and that's something I should have paid more attention to in regards to you."

Haru shook head, "No, Makoto I-"

"Shh," he was stopped by a finger against his lips,"This took a toll on you just as much as it did me and I should've noticed that. It scared you and made you fearful and I should have done more to prevent that. You can't lie now and brush it off like it's nothing."

An uneasy "Hrm..." sounded from Haru's throat and he watched as Makoto reached down and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Let me say one thing though." He whispered softly, stroking the skin on the top of Haru's hand, "You can stay by my side as long as you need and help me when I need it, but let me at least do something to help you."

He firmly set his gaze on Haru, eyeing his dark blue orbs, "I know it will take some time to get over this. We both need to recover, me physically and you mentally. So when you need to talk or if you're worried about something, don't hesitate to come talk to me, and make sure you continue to take care of yourself on top of it."

He squeezed Haru's hand tighter, "If we help each other, then I know we'll be okay. You believe me don't you?"

In all honesty, Haru could never make sense of how well their hands fit together, like two puzzle pieces, or a perfectly crafted lock and key, and it always offered a gentle, soft, reassuring warmth.

That warmth radiated everywhere, all around them, even in Makoto's words in that things would be okay. That they would recover from this.

Haru squeezed Makoto's hand back, a soft, quiet "Yes..." leaving his lips.

"Good," he kissed Haru's temple, "Now what do you say we both get some rest ?"

And they did, bodies settled comfortably on the sofa, Haru nuzzled against Makoto's neck, together.

Exact the way they should be.

#haruka nanase #makoto tachibana #haru x makoto #free! iwatobi swim club #angst #sad #cute #kisses #comfort #talking #accidents

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fanficflaneuse · 4 years

Text

One Day - Part 4

A/N: Hello magical tumblr friends, this chapter is long and has a little bit of everything. I hope you like it. Thanks for all of your love and support. It really means the world to me. This doesn’t feature a poem, but rather a very real problem of mine and my writing. I hope you like this!

Disclaimers: One or two curse words. Mentions of making out and stripping - just in passing - (not smut)

Details:

Draco x reader (she/her pronouns)

Word count: 2563 (I’m sorry, I really don’t know how this happened)

Summary: One day AU. Post-war. Since The Battle of Hogwarts, Draco and y/n meet one day a year.

Masterlist

3 May, 2001

(Y/N) and Draco apparated in the kitchen of a beach house in Playa del Carmen, México. Even though their abode was protected by a fidelius charm, they arrived at the break of dawn to avoid any sort of attention. (Y/N) walked through the airy living room and stood just in front of the wall sized window that lead to the beach. She stared in awe at the clear sand and the crystalline waters that stretched to infinity. This was their own private paradise for a week. Draco hugged her from behind and rested his chin on her head.

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” he asked, absolutely taken by the view.

“It is, Dray,” she answered as she put her hands softly over his.

They had chosen a tropical destination mainly because Draco wanted to prove to her that he could tan. Upon hearing this, Blaise offered them his house in that vibrant Caribbean town. It had belonged to one of his – many – late stepfathers and nobody had used it in years, but it was well kept, modern and safe from noisy muggles and nosy wizards and witches. Blaise thought he was playing cupid by giving them the keys and Draco was both flustered and annoyed as he wiggled his eyebrows at them. (Y/N) had laughed it off, which confused Draco immensely.

He fell on a loop, overthinking for the thousandth time what could her laugh possibly mean. Was it meant to be playful? Did it mean she thought the possibility of them together was outrageous? What if it wasn’t, though? He definitely fancied her. He had fancied her even before holding her in his arms was a possibility. But he had blown up so many things in his life before. Everything he touched turned to dust. He was convinced he wasn’t good enough for her and he loved her too much to lose her friendship. If (Y/N) told him she was willing to start a relationship with him, he wouldn’t know what to do. Had been stuck in this hypothetical dilemma for the longest time and it was frustrating. He was pulled out of his thoughts by (Y/N), who shuffled in his embrace. She turned around so carefully his arms never left her waist. Her hands wrapped around his neck. Her fingers played with the little strands of hair on the nape of his neck.

Draco’s grey hues met (Y/N)’s mesmerizing (eye colour) ones. He smiled softly. She smiled back, but he noticed her features were dampened with concern.

“What’s wrong, Dray?”

He tightened the grip around her and offered her a smirk. “It’s nothing, (Y/N/N). I was just thinking.”

“Alright, then,” she answered, not very convinced, “why don’t we go to the beach?”

...

Draco discarded his turtleneck and trousers. Standing in his boxers in the middle of the room, he held at arm length the swimming trunks Harry had taken him to buy. They were just a looser version of his briefs, made of a dreadful material Draco had never even heard of. What, in Merlin’s name, was polyester? He scrunched his nose in disgust, but quickly scrambled into them as he heard (Y/N) knocking at the door.

They had tacitly agreed to sleep in the same room. She had barricaded herself in the bathroom to put on her own swimming suit. He wondered what she’d wear. At the muggle store he went with Harry, Draco had seen a bunch of items for women. He had gotten flustered, imagining (Y/N) in one of those. And he was getting hot and bothered again. He let himself fall, face down, onto the bed. “I’m ready,” he said, his voice muffled.

He heard the door opening and her footsteps as she came back into the room. She chuckled lightly as she saw him on his stomach, his face hidden in his hands. (Y/N) did a double take on him before he stood up. His arse looked amazing and his back was incredibly toned. The black trunks made a nice contrast with his incredibly pale skin. She bit her lower lip and looked away, trying to dissipate those thoughts and the tingling in her stomach. As her gaze settled out of the window, at some point in the horizon, Draco decided to move. His eyes rested on (Y/N)’s figure.

Nothing, not even his wildest dreams, would’ve prepared him for the sight of (Y/N) on an emerald green swimming suit. It was the least clothes he had ever seen on her and he just couldn’t tear his eyes away. Salazar, coming here alone with her could either be the best or worst idea ever.

(Y/N) felt his eyes glued on her and blushed profusely. She then faced him. For a minute there neither of them knew what to do. (Y/N) took a deep breath, walked forward and intertwined her fingers with his. Then she practically dragged him out of the house and into the sea.

They spent all day under the sun. They swam, splashed each other and walked by the seashore. They sat under the sun for a while, enjoying the salt on their skins until it turned too hot and overwhelming. Then they moved to the porch, staring at the sea and checking each other out when they thought the other was distracted.

Throughout the day, (Y/N) noticed how Draco would stare at his left forearm for the longest time. At first, she would bring his attention to something else and they would goof around or talk. At lunchtime, though, Draco put on a sweater with sleeves so long they reached his fingertips. It was a horrible sweater, so out of character for Draco, and it looked even more outrageous given the weather that had her bones sweating.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Dray.”

He hung his head, defeated. “I…”

“No need to explain, love. I know it’s hard. But this,” she pushed the left sleeve up and Draco winced, but she continued, “this is part of your story. This is part of what has brought you here. And you have to accept it. Just like every other wonderful little bit of you. You need to live with this and forgive yourself, Dray”

Draco nodded, fighting off tears. (Y/N) took his face in her hands and give him a kiss on both cheeks. He smiled softly and took the sweater off. They cooked lunch together. Draco had been trying to learn how to cook for himself. So far he had managed to master a decent number of recipes and techniques. Cooking and baking reminded him of potions class and he loved it.

After lunch, they sat down on the sofa. There was a lot of space in the living room and yet, (Y/N) sat in between Draco’s legs, her back pressed to his chest, her head on his shoulder…a position much too familiar for them.

“I want to stay like this forever,” he said quietly, bringing her closer to him.

“Me too. I really don’t want to go back,” she answered, closing her eyes.

“We don’t have to,” he offered.

“I do. I have work to do.”

Draco sighed in response. “What is it that you do at the Ministry? What’s so important that you can’t enjoy more than one week of vacations?”

“A copious amount of paperwork,” she groaned. The Ministry was going through a series of reforms that took a lot of time and effort to put in practice. Hermione was ecstatic. (Y/N) knew it was all worth it, but she would be lying if she said her work hadn’t turned monotonous over the last few months.

“That sounds absolutely inspiring,” he said, sarcasm seeping through his every word. (Y/N) chuckled and hit his arm playfully.

“I thought you wanted to become a writer,” he added as an afterthought. (Y/N) blushed, feeling a bit exposed. She kept writing and Draco knew that. There was something painful about her writing, though. It was much too raw and took her back to pain and suffering. At times, whenever she sat down to write, the whole ordeal would leave her in tears. She couldn’t bring herself to be as consistent as before. She didn’t even want to contemplate the possibility of making a living out of it.

“It’s still an idea…” the vagueness in her voice made Draco regard her seriously. He pushed her just slightly so they could – kind of – face each other. (Y/N) tried to divert her gaze, but he put his hand on her cheek and made her look at him. Draco had expressive eyes. This time they were full of concern.

“(Y/N/N), is this because of money? Because I can –“

(Y/N) shook her head. She wouldn’t even let him finish. “I don’t need your money, Dray. You know that’s not the issue.” She wanted to turn the page, change topics as soon as possible, but Draco was not having any of it. They talked about his issues. He opened up to her and she would always offer words of comfort, support and cuddles. He wanted to do the same for her. He noticed how sometimes she would just close up, isolate herself. She’d try to brush her problems off. But he wouldn’t let her do that, not this time, not again.

“Then what’s the issue, (Y/N)?” he kept his hand on her cheek, knowing very well (Y/N) would try to escape, shrug it off and distract him. He then saw her eyes filling with tears. It was his moment to inch forward and shower her in affection.

“I’ve been involved in dangerous situations since I’m a toddler, Draco. My life at school consisted in avoiding death year after year. I can’t stay put. I need to feel like I’m doing something that’s bigger than myself. I need that rush.”

Draco’s fingers caressed her cheek. She was indecipherable at times. He knew there was much more than what she led on, but he didn’t want to push her.

“Besides, I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts more than what’s necessary,” (Y/N) muttered to herself, avoiding his gaze once again.

Draco was so close he heard clearly. He felt his heart tearing, just like that night, three years ago, when she had whispered to him and only him that she was broken. He made her face him again and, without a second thought, Draco leaned in. They both closed their eyes as their lips touched. It was a ghost of a kiss, tender and soft. It was everything they wished for and so much more; it felt natural and so, so good.

...

By the time (Y/N) and Draco reached the bedroom, they had left a trail of clothing behind them. They kissed and giggled and caressed each other. Her legs were wrapped around his torso, fingers laced in his blond locks. His own hands made their way through her back, trying to unclasp her bra.

After their kiss, they had cuddled all afternoon. They hadn’t mentioned it again and they were both determined to leave it at that. That was, of course, before they decided to go to a muggle bar and get tipsy with margaritas. When they came back, their drunken laughter filled the whole house. As the alcohol pumped through their veins they both felt bolder and uninhibited. The rush clouded their minds and ridded them of any sort of judgement.

(Y/N) stole their first drunken kiss. They were sprawled on the floor playing a game of strip wizard chess. Every time one of them lost a piece, they had to take an item of clothing off. As Draco slid his shirt off, (Y/N) crawled to him and kissed him. He growled lowly as his best friend bit his lower lip and they both felt the heat raising in the pit of their stomachs. He wanted her then and there, even more when she was being such a tease. As she laughed and tried to go back to her side, Draco caught her by the waist and pulled her back to him.

Draco tried to place (Y/N) in bed, but he was so woozy he fell with her. After laughing for their clumsiness, they laid on their sides, facing each other. Draco put a strand of hair behind (Y/N)’s ear. She traced his features with her fingertips. As she did so, he closed his eyes, enjoying her caresses as always.

(Y/N) found Draco absolutely beautiful. She was nothing short of in love with him. As that thought downed on her, (Y/N)’s desire stopped burning her. She lost momentum and withdrew her hand. She didn’t want this to be a spurt of the moment, drunken mistake. She wanted to be with Draco. Circe! She wanted to be with Draco. She was in love with him. (Y/N) sat up. How would this realization change their dynamic?

Draco opened his eyes immediately. The loss of contact had sobered him up. Had she realized he was a tosser who wasn’t worth her affection? Was it because of the mark? He sat up as well, searching for her eyes. The look he gave her was so full of mortification that she enveloped him in a hug.

“Dray…” she said after a few minutes of a deafening silence, “I don’t want this to be a one-night type of thing. I want to…be with you. I’d love to be with you. But it would break my heart if tomorrow we wake up and we realize that’s not what you…”

Draco’s gears were turning in his head. He felt as though he would combust right then and there. He took her face in his hands for the second time that day and looked at her in the eyes.

“(Y/N/N), what we have is way too pure, too good to be true. It’s the best thing I have going on for me, the best friendship I’ve ever had. I don’t want to ruin it as I tend to do with everything. I prefer to be your friend forever than your boyfriend for a couple of months. I want to think of you as my soulmate destined to be my best friend than a girlfriend I’ll end up hurting.”

(Y/N) fought back tears. “But I love –“

“I wouldn’t be able to handle it, love. If we broke up…if I fucked this up…if we didn’t want to see each other again”

They were both crying now. The silence was unbearable. (Y/N) kissed Draco on both cheeks before giving him a peck on the lips. Then she stood up, determined to not share a bed with him anymore.

…

(Y/N) closed her eyes. She decided to sleep on the farthest room she could find. Luckily enough, Blaise’s house was huge, so she had plenty to choose from. She had been trying to fall asleep for about an hour now, but she just couldn’t. The weight of her realization was drowning her. Then there was Draco’s rejection. She didn’t even want to begin addressing that issue.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thoughts.

“Can I come in?” Draco’s voice was hoarse and a bit unsure.

No response.

“(Y/N), can I come in?” he almost pleaded.

“Yes,” she breathed out.

Draco rushed into the room. In three strides he was looming over her form, eyes imploring for forgiveness. (Y/N) sighed. She lifted up the covers. Draco slithered in the bed and pressed his body to hers. They were soon cuddling again.

“You don’t ruin things, Dray.”

(Y/N) wanted to add that he would never hurt her, but kept quiet.

“I love you, (Y/N/N).”

“Love you, Dray.”

tags: @fandomscombine @okaydraco @naomi02hook @iliketoast23

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hs-devote · 3 years

Text

18. E X C L A M A T I O N

Moodboard // Content // Masterlist

Disclaimer:

All characters and situation in this story are fictitious. Resemblance to any person living or dead is only God knows.

Previous chapter;

It took a few moments for Y/N to connected the dot. One thought came up yet she really didn't like this, “So, you said that Dale Jespersen–”

“Jaden Peesel and Randell are the same person, and he's Dale Jespersen.” 18. EXCLAMATION

Cutting someone off was rude. But, she didn't mind, for now, since she didn't think her tongue could spill whatever she was having in her head. However, what Douglas just said earlier made her blinked.

“How come?”

She tilted her head toward her boyfriend, watching Harry gave Douglas a keen look. His voice was surprisingly steady yet firm as always. His demeanour was nothing to worried about.

For now.

"Randell didn't take the payment through a bank account, the media paid him cash. Meanwhile, Dale's account was increasing high a week before the tape being published. His transaction record shows money out to Victoria's account three days since she sent the video to Jaden Peesel, and some certain amount made into his account in three consecutive days a week after the media gave the cash to Randell."

“He might look like shrewd, but he made one omission, Mr Styles.” Eric added, “Randell's signature is exactly the same with Dale Jespersen.”

Eric gave him a copy of agreement where Randell sold the video and the media must keep his identity secret. Then, gave him another one of Dale's signature.

How could Dale be smart and stupid at the same time?

“That's a stupid move if he wants to be anonymous but make an agreement like that." Roman murmured.

Douglass nodded, “Not only that, Victoria once sent a message to Dale that she succeeded to steal the tape from Ms Powell and sent it to Jaden Peesel and Randell's number. Here.”

The man gave Harry another copy transcript of the evidence, only made the CEO of Erskine furious. Y/N could tell her boyfriend now was suppressing his anger, it was clear from how hard he gripped the papers of evidence in his hand.

“Jaden Peesel and Randell are Dale Jesperson. Victoria Selley is the one who worked with him and it obvious that the two of them started this commotion."

“Fucking hell!”

Everyone flinched in their seats as Harry punch the table with his bare hand. The atmosphere felt thick and intense, no one dare to open their mouth. Y/N watched Harry lowered down his head, gripping his hair hardly and growling fumingly. Exhaling deeply, all she could do now is rubbing his back up and down to soothe him.

“But, what's the reason?" Elle cried, "Vic and I are best friends! We're good with each other!"

“At this point, Ms Powell," Allen began, "We all know Mr Styles and Dale Jespersen are eternal enemies if I could say. They haven't had a good relationship since back then. As for Victoria Selley, we don't know yet what her motive is. But, all I know is Victoria was bitter about her break up with Mr Styles."

“And now, both of them teamed up to take revenge on Harry.” Y/N mumbled, “How could they both know each other?”

“Those two are still on my list, Ms Y/L/N. After this meeting, we'll file this case immediately with all this evidence. We don't yet know their reason. However, they got arrest, we can get that answer."

All of them was mind-blowing. Never crossed her mind, someone who made this mess was the one who was always looking for trouble with Harry. Dissatisfied with the previous one, Dale now came up with a bigger issue. And to make the matters worse, he teamed up with someone she didn't think of.

“I don't know your friend is such a snake, Elle.” Sebastian sighed, “A true friend would never do that.”

“It all makes no sense. I can't believe it.” whined Elle, “We're still in touch until now for fuck sake!”

“How could you not see that, Elle. The fucking footage proves your rotten friend betrayed you. That bitch doesn't deserve to be called a friend.” Harry snarled, raising his head to stare at everyone in the room. Even though his eyes weren't on her, Y/N could feel he wasn't Harry. His persona turned 180 degrees different.

“I want that pile of shit and the cheap whore get arrested the day after tomorrow at most.” he seethed, “I don't care how much I will pay the police to quickly arrest them. I want the news of their arrest in three days. Widespread throughout the entire earth if necessary.”

Without any other words, he got up from the chair and exited the meeting room – leaving the loud bang of the door echoed in the air.

“I'll come with you. Because it's not only Mr Styles who's a disadvantage here, Ms Powell lost 30% of her contract just because of that." Roman spoke, "I believe we better go today."

“Just, just do what must be done, Allen, Mr Kane. And thanks for the hard work, also for Eric and Douglas." Y/N drew a heavy breath, "And for Elle, I'm sorry for all this mess. You're not the only one who hurt, many parties feel the impact."

“As for Harry, I believe he's unstable right now. You guys know how hard he holds his temper." she added.

“I'm sorry for that old video, Y/N. I intended nothing for keeping the video."

It felt like a dream for Elle being nice to her. Because the first time they met, Elle was uncomfortable with her. And how she was apologising about the tape, made nice progress. Y/N bit her lip before giving the woman a small smile, "It's the past we couldn't get rid of. Some of our younger behaviours are stupid, reckless, and questionable. This has all happened, so.." she shrugged, "The most important thing is, we have to quickly close this case so it doesn't get worse."

Elle frowned, “But, what stuck in my head is.. why?”

“Their reason is still mysterious, Elle. Once we meet them, we have to force them to speak.” she sighed, “No matter what.” . . . .

Some days were still needed before the files completed and submitted. At the same time, it was reported that Dale had submitted his resignation from Machtig. Even his house, which had been spied by Allen's worker, hadn't shown the slightest bit of activity during the last three days of spying.

It was no secret Harry went on a rampage. His current level of anger surpassed anything else, and it was the worst everyone have seen. It all went more and more disastrous when the client bluntly revealed the reasons for their backing out.

We couldn't work with 'someone' like you

How the hell Erskine have porn crazed man as their leader?

It would damage our image if we continued to work with Erskine

All of those made Harry almost destroy his own office. He was seeing red, the only thing he knew was a burning fire – as in his head and feelings right now. He felt like being surrounded by flames that were ready to devour him.

Erskine's stock fell dramatically, he was forced to close several branch offices that weren't profitable and resulted in laid-off his employees. This was the darkest stage in his life; never thought he would step into a black abyss like this.

Every night, Y/N would always accompany Harry on late-night meeting with the finance staffs, HR staffs, and several related divisions to calculate how much money left for Erskine could pay their employees. And it ended with them deciding which candidate to get layoff next.

This wasn't an easy task to write down the names of employees to be fired. Harry knew his soon-to-be fired employees have obligations and responsibilities of their families. However, it was the best choice and he hoped they would understand and get a better job.

How was Marcel doing?

Oh, the man loved it so much.

The anger, the stress, the betrayal burnt his emotion and let Marcel smirked in his glory. Marcel was still Marcel, with his arrogance and extremely temper. The broken door, shattering glass, and pieces of papers were his masterpiece. All the shouting and yelling were him. The office atmosphere was unpleasant and less comfortable. Even when Harry or him passed in front of the employees, everyone seemed afraid albeit in their hearts, Y/N knew they didn't like him. All they could do was stay silent rather than be his target or be the next employee to get layoff.

But, one thing surprised her. He could be a little rational when in a meeting even though a few harsh words slipped out. Hell, even he was nice enough to her.

If he barked at employees, tore their papers, slammed doors in their faces, or smashed glass to intimidate them, Marcel was never more than scowled at her – unlike their first encounter.

Of course in this kind of state, Marcel was more dominant than Harry. No wonder if Marcel was more present than her actual boyfriend. And it made her worry since it had been five days in a row Harry couldn't switch his position. Y/N had started to panic, she couldn't think of Harry wouldn't come back again.

“How's he doing?”

“Awful.” she sighed, “I don't know what to do any more, Niall.”

Since Marcel had been here long enough than Harry, and of course he missed the therapy, Y/N took initiative to meet with Niall herself – without Marcel knowing. She was sure Marcel would go mad if he found out that she secretly met Niall to fix him. Both of them now were in a coffee shop somewhere in Borough, and had been talking for half an hour – about none other than Harry Styles.

“Where is he now?”

“In his penthouse. The last time I checked he was playing FIFA when I said goodbye.”

Niall raised an eyebrow, “And Erskine?”

“We're on the most critical stage since it was founded, according to the legal team. Marcel even want to retire and sell the company for fuck sake!”

“H would smack him for that.”

“Absolutely," she nodded, "Since the client doubt Harry's performance and scoffs at our leader is a porn star – according to them, we now just have five companies remaining. And we don't know if when they will announce the back out."

“I'm sorry for that, Y/N.” Niall smiled apologetically, “God knows how strong you're guys.”

“That's why we think to change the CEO's position temporarily until Harry and Erskine are completely clean from this case.” she shrugged, “At least it may growth their trust again, while we rest Harry and help him to find his way back.”

“How did he respond that?” Niall sipped his coffee, “That's a huge step.”

“The directors and I haven't told him yet. But I think, we'll kinda lie at him. Says he definitely needs his leave while someone will take over the position. And of course, we'll lend that important seat to the rightful person."

“Do you have the name?”

“We have. But, I'll discuss this thing with his mother first. It's her late husband's company after all.”

“If I could be honest, Y/N, this is the most Marcel has been in Harry's body in consecutive days. And if we don't help him, it might get worse than we thought. I bet he threw the medicines away.” he stared at her, “Why don't you take him on holiday? It can help him to clear his mind.”

Y/N squinted her eyes, “Don't you think it's a bit risky? He'll reject it at very second.”

“From what I've heard from you, Marcel was likely growing an attachment with you." he smiled, "Which something I was surprised."

“Take the advantage and bring Harry back with us. I can't lose my best friend and we'll work together for that, Y/N.” . . . .

To Y/N dismay, Marcel rejected her offer first, said it wasn't important. Yet, she managed to persuade him and said he needed some time away to shut off this mess. She wouldn't take a risk to bring him far away from London, and her choice fell on Windermere.

The natural beauty of England's largest lake could be enjoyed directly through the cottage she rented for a week. She didn't know how many days they would need, that made her rent the contemporary property for the whole week. The house was lying on the shores of the lake, offering four bedrooms with four bathrooms also. The kitchen and dining space holding magnificent views across the lake, not to mention they had private shoreline and jetty mooring. Such a unique escape and worth the four hours drive from home.

It had been three days they were there and Harry seemed to be enjoying his rest here. The new situation and different vibes calmed him and made Marcel less frequent. Everything Harry did was cycling around the district, took a long walk, even swimming in the Lake Windermere. The lake itself was well-known as the largest and deepest in England, it made her nervous because Harry was so stubborn and insistent to do wild swimming there.

However, a few things happened and made him changed upon his return. If he left as Harry, he would back as Marcel. Like this morning, he was her Harry. But, when he got back after finished his jog, his aura was different. He was cursing all the time, ignoring her questions. And from that moment, she knew he was Marcel.

“What happened, Harry? You were fine this morning." Y/N asked her tenth question for him, didn't give up to get the answer she wanted. She knew the man who was drinking in front of her was Marcel, but if he didn't want to answer, Y/N would find it difficult to find out the case.

“That fucking asshole got on my nerves,” grunted him, “He threw his water on me. Who does he think he is?!”

She raised an eyebrow, “He threw water on you? What was the reason?”

“Like the hell I care?” he rolled his eyes, “But, I think the bloody nose will teach him the lesson.”

“Harry.” Y/N stressed her words, her legs stepping closer to him, “Did you punch him?”

“Of fucking course! What do you expect me to do? Doing nothing like an idiot?” Marcel tilted his head, “He got my face wet, and I got his nose wet. Paid off.”

Her shoulder fell off, "The wet is a different kind, Harry. But, you just punched him, right? Nothing more serious?"

“Why do you ask me like that, darling?" he smirked, "That's a bit weird. You seem don't mind me punching someone."

She gulped, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that Marcel brought his face closer. His eyes which although almost resembled Harry's, still kept her struck in the place. Albeit Marcel inhabits the body of her lover, the feeling of intimidation by someone who wasn't so familiar still made her skin tingled.

“That better than you drown him on the lake.” she murmured, yet at once she cursed her stupidity for saying like that. She had to quickly cover it before Marcel got suspicious, “I'm joking. I don't know if he was rude to you or not but I think he kinda deserved it if he had no reason to threw his water.”

“You're funny," he shook his head before pulling his face away and walked inside, "Would you fancy home-cooked meal? I'm not into a take away for today."

“Would you do the dish afterwards?" Y/N wiggled her eyebrow, looking at Marcel who was digging the shelves in the kitchen. One thing she liked about him was, he loved cooking more than Harry. Harry loved to cook, but not as often as Marcel if he was here. Marcel would almost cook every day if he was present, even though he had a rough day or his anger was on the cloud.

“Only if you clean the table beforehand.”

“Only clean the table?”

“You heard me m'lady.”

“Deal.”

. . . .

The holiday originally was for them only. But, Y/N invited Anne to come two days before their return to London. This short escape was help Harry to rest and gather his energy, as evident from Marcel that barely appeared since he admitted he punched someone's nose.

The morning was only seven straight, Harry was still sleeping safe and sound while Y/N just opened her eyes five minutes ago. His heavy arm draped her naked side tightly with his other one was folded behind his head. She brought her fingers running along his chiselled jaw, down to his lower lip and made a stop in the chin. He was so peaceful and fragile when he was sleeping, yet once he opened that damn gorgeous pair of green eyes, he would turn into a solid one.

Her memory took her back to the last night sex. She didn't lie when she said both of them were sex-crazed. They were always constantly had sex everywhere or whenever they had the chance. Either a wild one or the gentle one. Y/N also didn't understand why her intercourse activity was high, whereas previously with Elliott, she wasn't that frequent to have sex.

She drew a smile remembering how beautiful the sunset was while she moaned Harry's name. Since their bedroom had windows overlooking the lake, it was a nice addition to heeding their sex activities. The warm sunlight cast Harry's beautiful face sweating as he deepened his thrust, grunting deeply while the woman beneath him squinted her eyes in pleasure. And when they both reached their high together, the sky was already dark since the sun had gone down, their hot bodies shivered from the cold wind kissed their body.

Hell, even thinking about that made her down there throbbing nervously.

Y/N never denied that Harry was the greatest sex she ever had. His little seductive comment would always get her wet. And sometimes made her think there was something wrong with her because she was so easily aroused.

She was too busy with her own daydream to notice that Harry had opened his eyes and was watching his girlfriend stroking his cheek slowly. He intentionally didn't make the slightest sound or movement, waiting for Y/N to realise that he was awake.

“Enjoying me that much?”

The way his morning voice was raspy and thick out of his mouth, startled the girl all of sudden. Her hand jerked away from his smooth cheek, tucking it below her chin. Harry giggled of the way she blinked her eyes, before throwing the sharp look on him.

“Good morning, baby.” he snuggled closer to her neck with arms tightening around her waist, his naked fingers drawing the circle on her lower back seductively.

“Good morning, golden.”

“Golden?” raised an eyebrow, Harry gave her a questionable look while head tilted up to her. “What's golden?”

She hummed, stroking his sharp jawline playfully, “Mmhm. The way your face lit up when the ray of sunshine glistened your pretty face, it has the golden beauty, H.”

“Such an unusual nickname,” he shrugged, “But, I like the definition.”

“Glad to hear that.”

“Anyway," he sighed, placing his palm on her hip instead, "Mum will come today, right? What time will she arrive? I think we can get her from the station?"

“Around four? But, she told me earlier we don't need to pick her up since she will take a taxi to get here.”

“All right,” he yawned, “Let me stay still like this for a bit before we have breakfast.” said him before nudged his head on the crook of her shoulder, his index finger stroking her hip gently.

Harry and Y/N were silent for five minutes, didn't say a word – just enjoying the closeness to each other. She almost fell back asleep if Harry's cheeky hands went down her stomach, teasing her down there. She gulped and whined at the same time when his fingers nudged her core, playing with her clit before gone to feeling her inner thigh.

“Harry..”

“Darling..”

A frustrated sigh was coming from her mouth when Harry rolled his finger up and down her cunt, feeling the sticky and wetness of her before taking the next step that made Y/N shake. She let out a whimper when his thumb nudged her clit, moaning deeply when she felt his two fingers being pushed into her.

“My sweetheart is always wet and ready for me.” he hummed in her ear, still with his fingers pumping in and out of her, “Such a beautiful morning, yeah? Me and you, after our endless sex last night and waking up aroused and loaded.”

“Harry..” she whined, her chest rose up and down to catch the breath since she was running out of the oxygen. And all of that because how magically his fingers worked her out.

“Come for me, baby. Come in my fingers, I know you need that. Want you to clench my fingers.” muttered him while fastening his fingers' thrust on her, “Do it, darling. Do it for me.”

Harry didn't need much time for lifted his body and hovering the girl he was fingering, while he added the third finger, he leaned down to kiss her. A satisfaction smirk formed on his lips when Y/N buckled her hip and lolling her head, feeling the overwhelmed of his three fingers working on her. She cried out when her man picked up the speed, only for made her moan even more.

“Harry..”

He kissed her throat, “Such a good girl. You feel so good.”

Y/N felt that. Her stomach twisted in pleasure while she screamed out his name, feeling the high came to reach her. Harry smiled, shaking his head looking down at his wet-sticky fingers after he pulled out. Bringing them on his mouth, he licked all of them clean.

She was gasping for a breath while her eyes set off of her boyfriend who was licking her sweetness on him. Her droopy eyes stared dreamily on him, watching the way he was naked with all of his glory and his pride resting stiffly between his thick thighs. She gulped, thinking how easy for him to get horny and now, the way his length sprung confidently in front of him, she was sure they wouldn't get off this bed for another hour.

“Your cock is cocked.” she bluntly said, giving him an unbelievable look.

“Love that my baby paid attention,” he chuckled, “Thinking you can handle the loaded morning?”

“I th–”

The way Harry frowned over the ringing phone showing he was annoyed. He was about to fulfil his lust but the damn call in disturbed their morning. Y/N giggled softly when Harry moved away from the bed and stomped his footsteps, acting like an annoyed little kid.

“It's Allen." he murmured while looking at the bright screen, then exchanging a look with Y/N.

“Harry." she gave him a warning look before shaking her head – no. Along they spent the time here, both of them agreed to not picking up a work call. Whatever it was. She wanted to make this short holiday their temporary escape from work, she just wanted to unwind and forget about problems for a moment.

“This must be important." he looked at her, like he was asking permission, "Please?"

If it was Allen, something must have happened. And Harry was right; if Allen called him, he would deliver important news. And maybe, maybe it would bring some relief for both of them considering how much they were facing right now.

“Put on the speaker, I don't want you to take the news yourself."

Harry just nodded, before swiped up his screen and put his phone on the bed – leaving the speaker on. She mouthed a thank you, then focusing on what Allen would tell them.

“Allen?”

“Hello, Harry. How are you? How's the holiday?”

He stole a glance from her before shrugging his shoulder, “I'm fine, thanks. The holiday is.. amazing. What made you call me, Allen?”

“Something with the case, H.”

Again, he looked at Y/N who was also staring at him. The way they exchanged looks telling each other they didn't know what the lawyer would tell him. Y/N just nodded her head, letting her boyfriend continue.

“And.. what's that?”

“We knew we've taken this case to legal action. With all of the evidence lead to Dale Jespersen and Victoria Selley, they were being sought while this escalates the lawsuit in court. Victoria Selley has been arrested at her house, but for Dale Jespersen, they still couldn't find them." he paused, "We have a suspicion that he changed his identity. Or the worst, fled out of England."

“I thought you should know what to do, Allen." he scoffed, "Spread out his picture and activity record! Ban him for travelling overseas. Should I be the one who tells you such a simple thing like this?"

The rage on his eyes wasn't something difficult to understand, Y/N might never know what it was like if she was him for now, but she knew well the anxiety and anger flooded on him. She couldn't reprimand him who was currently yelling at his lawyer, all she did was wait for him. She flinched when he was screaming at the top of his lung at Allen when he got the dissatisfaction, only to get him angered even more. Raised her hand to try to ease him, she was flabbergasted when Harry quickly shoved her palm away – grabbing his mobile phone and walked out of their room. Y/N could no longer her Allen's voice, it seemed her boyfriend had turned off the speaker.

Harry never shied away from her, no matter what.

She didn't know what are they talking any more or how he cursed his lawyer. She would take a guess he was on the other side of the cottage, or even on the patio. But, that was impossible considering he was still naked. He didn't even take his shorts on him before walking out!

“Fucking moron!”

No, it wasn't the curse made her flinch. The way Harry slammed hard the door made her jump on the skin, along with the banging wooden table. She just prayed that Harry didn't break something here, but she had to get prepared – especially Anne would come today. She didn't want Marcel's presence today.

Should she do that?

Her phone was in her hands, but she was still hesitant to call someone she wanted to ask for help. She didn't want to bother that person, especially they were on holiday. However, her determination was unanimous when another slamming door being heard again. Y/N didn't know if it was still Harry, or Marcel. Quickly she found a name in her contact and pressed the call button without hesitation.

. . . .

Anne knocked on their door exactly at four while her son was out from an hour ago. Both of the women hugging each other before Y/N helped Anne with her suitcase, and of course the mother would ask her son whereabouts since it was only Y/N who opened the door for her.

“Harry is out. I think he's taking a walk, or cycling?” Y/N mumbled after escorted Anne to her room.

Anne just nodded, but, she quickly noticed something was wrong when her son's girlfriend looked off. Squinting her eyes, she took Y/N's arms and bring her down to sit with her.

“Are you okay, sweetheart? You look.. off.”

A nervous laugh came out from Y/N's mouth, "I'm fine. It's just.. well, Harry is in a bad mood today, so don't be surprised if he's a little grumpy."

“You two didn't fight, did you?” Anne frown, “Did I come at a bad time?”

“No, no. We didn't fight. We're fine, really fine.”

“Good then. The bruised on your neck told me so.”

Y/N gaped at what Anne just said, her face flushed in embarrassment and reflexively covered her neck. While she was feeling awkward, Anne just winked at her – laughing softly before patted her arm.

“Do you want me to look around? We have our private dock and I believe you'll like it.” she quickly changed the subject, hoping Anne would do that. She couldn't linger staring at the older woman after she was being caught for her sex life.

“Sure. This cottage is so pretty, you know?” Anne smiled, getting up from the bed and went out with Y/N.

“Definitely. I rented this right away when I saw the description.”

Y/N happily guided Anne to each room while Anne admired every corner of the cottage they rent. She squealed in surprise when her eyes caught an outside hot tub with the lake viewing. But, the things she liked the most were the massive kitchen and the terrace with the beautiful lake view every day.

“How's him, Y/N? How's Harry coping with all those problems?” asked Anne, sitting in the iron chair. Her eyes stared warmly at Y/N, soft yet worries smile adorned her lips, “He wouldn't tell me about that in the slightest, and I'm worried about him if he keeps it to himself.”

“The good news, Anne, we're going to file a lawsuit in court with all valid evidence we have, and I'm sure Harry will win this case. One of the subjects has been arrested while the main man is still out there. And it leads to the bad news."

“That was... fast?”

Y/N nodded, "I know. But, it's not – according to Harry. He thinks Allen and his team are taking too long to deal with all of these, and he has been emotionally unstable since Allen called him this morning for only told him another subject still hasn't caught."

“And.. Erskine? Lucas would take over his job for a while, wouldn't he?"

“It's the best choice at the moment. We thought with Harry being so unstable controlling his anger lately, and the client's currently waning trust in him – we asked your nephew to help us at our headquarter since he already understands his duties and not someone else for the company – especially he's the family. I apologise if our plan is presumptuous, we're just trying to keep your family's business."

“I understand, Y/N. Lucas told me your plan to try to foster the client's trust by temporarily changing Harry's position. He also said you guys lost a lot of clients, and that's obviously a big problem." Anne sighed, "This isn't easy for my son."

“I can't even imagine being him, Anne. With so much to endure, he must be so depressed. I don't blame him for always having a hard time holding back his anger.” she mumbled, “He didn't even take his medicine! He needs them to help him relax.”

The sound of the opened gate made the two woman pause, turning their gaze to Harry's figure who had just returned. Anne hurriedly walked in to meet him in the hallway, while Y/N following behind her. Harry wasn't so surprised to see his mother in front of him, he quickly greeted her and hugged the woman who gave birth to him.

“I'm going upstairs. Just call me if the dinner was ready." he gave them a small nod before jog up to the second floor. Y/N just smiled apologetically at Anne who was shrugging her shoulders, "That's what worries me."

“Was he like that from the start of this holiday?”

“He was unstable. He was fine at first, but if something ticked him, he just threw rude or harsh word. Then, this morning became worst – like what I told you before. He was screaming, even slamming the door.”

Anne pinched her temple, “I'll try to talk to him at dinner. Maybe he'll listen to his mother. He shouldn't be so tense on his break time.”

. . . .

“What are you doing here?”

Yesterday, exactly when Harry was on the phone with Allen, Y/N took a risky decision. With doubts put aside, she called Niall for advice. Since their holiday should go well, it turned a little unpleasant because a few small things bothered Harry and even got Marcel had the chance to swap their positions. Being the kindest person he was, Niall offered to visit them. Mainly last night Y/N sent him a message that Harry or Marcel, had yelled at Anne. And that wasn't a nice thing to see.

How did Anne respond? Of course, she was shocked. Her son had never yelled at her for such a small thing. No, Anne wasn't angry. Anne was concerned and worried about him.

Niall's smiled faltered when his blue eyes seeing Harry was standing in front of him. The way his best friend's green eyes showed displeasure at his presence, and from then on he could tell Harry was in a complete mess.

“I met him at a cafe not far from here this morning, he was ordering his breakfast when I said hello. Turn out he's in a symposium. And I invited him over for lunch.” Y/N lied, exchanging the look with Niall beside her. Impossible for her to be honest with her boyfriend, he could have thrown his best friend out if she intentionally invited Niall to come over.

“Hello, H. It's been so long since your last session.” Niall shrugged, “How are you?”

“Fine,” Harry muttered, then he flicked his eyes to her, “Mum was asking for you. She needs your help with the noodles.”

She nodded, “All right.” then smiled to both men, “I'll leave you two.”

Y/N rushed to meet Anne in the kitchen while occasionally glancing out the window watching Harry and Niall who started talking while walking towards the patio.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Anne threw a question while stirring her pot, “Is he suspicious?”

“I told him I met Niall just this morning and he's on.. a business trip, kind of. Then, I asked him to come over.” she answered, “He was a little unfriendly to Niall. But, he did nothing.”

“I just wish he could open up to his friend, at least. Maybe he's a bit hesitant to talk with me.” Anne sighed, “I can't believe he hesitated to talk to his mother or girlfriend.”

“Maybe he would feel comfortable talking to another male."

If only Anne knew..

Niall was her son's doctor, a psychiatrist. It was very easy for a professional like him to get Harry to talk to him. He wasn't only acting like a best friend, but also a doctor to his patients. And Y/N put hopes on Niall, so at least her boyfriend could hold his emotions and let this short getaway be a success for him to calm down.

“Harry doesn't look that tense any more. The way he's standing more relaxed now.”

“Should we call them in? I think they'll be more comfortable talking with stomach full.”

Anne just smiled and nodded while preparing the plates. The conversation between Niall and Harry stopped as she slid the door and invite them for the lunch.

During the lunch, Harry had his mouth shut closed – just enjoying his meal. Sometimes it made Niall had to led the conversation so he would join them. Y/N and Anne sighed in relief when Harry was laughing a little for whatever jokes that Niall said. At least, that's a good thing Y/N had seen since he received the call from Allen.

Talking about that, Harry still hadn't told her what made him so annoyed when his lawyer called him. She also didn't dare to ask him straight forward, just let him took his time to come and told her – if he wanted to.

The sun was getting dimmer, and Niall was still talking with Harry – took him to the dock and making Harry unconsciously undergo his therapy session. It took them almost two hours before they get back inside.

Y/N paced back and forth waiting for Niall in the hallway, while peeking at him who was saying goodbye to Harry and Anne. She exhaled in relief when Niall approached her at the door.

“Is it done?” she bit her lip, whispering to Niall since she didn't want Harry to hear them.

“He's fine,” Niall nodded, “He's unstable, even when I talked to him his emotions were volatile. His resentment towards Dale greatly affected his mood.”

She lowered his voice, “Was Marcel there? He showed up this morning, I think. It was when his lawyer called him.”

“Even Harry behaved as normally as possible, I think a third of our conversation – I spoke to Marcel. And that was the most friendly conversation with Marcel. If usually he always bitter to me, he just told about his grudge and disgust – albeit he had snap at me beforehand.”

“Will he be okay? Do you think this will be successful?” she worried, “He could stay away from his phone and not think too much about all of these. But, Harry is still Harry.”

“Honestly, he refused when I asked him to take his medicine. Which I think it was Marcel who refused me, not Harry. But, you may try dissolving the medicine and mix it with his food.”

“I'll try.” she mumbled, then smiling sincerely, “Thank you so much for taking your time to come here. That's very helpful.”

“My pleasure, Y/N. I happen to be in Leeds, so not that far to drive here. Besides, I'm also worried about him.” he sighed, scratching his nose, “How's Erskine, anyway? Heard from him, he has no more control in the company.”

“He's exaggerating too much. Lucas, his cousin, currently takes his place for a moment only until Erskine gets its clients back. His job is nothing more than restoring public confidence in Erskine. When it starts to recover, Harry will return to the office.”

“Fine then. I hope everything goes well.” Niall smiled, “I should go now. Thank you for the lunch.”

“You don't wanna stay for dinner?”

“Ah, thank you. But, I have to go back to Surrey tomorrow morning.”

Y/N nodded in understanding, then escorted him out and waited until his car left her cottage. A small smile on her lips faded when she turned around – finding her boyfriend standing just a few feet away. The man was just silent while staring at her, his eyes sharp made her shudder.

“Harry?” mumbled her, taking a few step forward carefully. Her eyes were still staring at him who hadn't respond. Her heart rumbling, was it Marcel in front of her right now?

“Mar–”

“You invited him on purpose, why?”

Y/N froze. Did Harry hear her conversation with Niall? Since when was he standing there?

She wanted to lie, but if she did, Harry would be furious at her. His cold voice indicated that he didn't like what he has accused of her. And she had no choice.

“I talked to him about your session. And he told me he was in Leeds and would come over if he had time.” she said, “And then he came over. So, I assumed he had spare time.”

“And you lied to me.”

“I have no intention of lying to you, H.” she pleaded, “I was just asking for an advice and he offered to help, by coming over.”

She wasn't lying but that wasn't the truth.. her inner goddess facepalmed.

Harry snickered, shaking his head, “Don't lie to me.”

“H..”

“What are you hiding from me?!”

She paused her step when Harry shouted at her. Her heart was beating wildly yet he still dared to look into his eyes. She wasn't sure, was this Harry or Marcel?His irises were still bright like Harry's, but suddenly darkened a second later – before brightened again.

“I'm not hiding anything from you.” whispered her, “Don't you trust me?”

A deep frown formed on the forehead when Harry was laughing, shaking his head like she just told him something funny. But, what came out of his mouth struck her.

“How can I trust you if you lie to me? What's your intention brought Niall here? Trying to give me a ted talk and tell me everything is gonna be okay?! Bullshit, Y/N! All is not well.”

His loud yelling made her shrink and it was depressing. It might not be good for her to lie to her boyfriend but she did it for his good. She just wanted him to recover and stay positive through the problems.

“Harry, can you lower your voice, please? I don't want Anne to hear." she begged, "I'm sorry if you don't feel that way and I don't understand how you feel. But, this isn't the end. Soon, you'll be free. Victoria had been arrested, and the case still running while they hunt Dale down. Once he's caught, everything will slowly return to normal."

Taking a step closer, Y/N placed her palm on his bicep – stroking the tense muscle, trying to ease him. “At least your anger and resentment will pay off.”

Harry roughly brushed her hand away, looking at her sarcastically then left her alone.

“Don't repeat that bullshit again," he scoffed from the dining room, "How will everything be all right? You don't know how hard it is to grow trust. Not everything will be. Maybe for you, but not for me. Everything won't be the same."

“Harry,” she walked to him who was standing by the sliding door, looking through a glass the like across them, “We'll go through this together. If everything will no longer be the same, we'll face it together. And I believe, good fortune will be on our side.”

Y/N thought Harry heard her when he didn't argue. Yet, she was wrong when the man smirked at her. He turned his body to face her with his eyes gazed at her so scornful.

“How many times have I told you, how can I trust you after you lied to me about that fucking doctor?”

“HOW CAN!?”

She flinched when his loud voice rang in her ears, reflexively kept her head away from him. She didn't lie when she felt like wanted to cry. This was the first time Harry screamed at her after a long time. The feelings of worry and disappointment stirred in her heart.

“How can I trust you when you have another intention with that fucking psychiatrist?! How can I trust you after you made my directors agreed to have Lucas as your new boss and kicked me out of my own company?!” he screeched, “How can I trust anyone when they can betray me?!”

“How could you say that?" her voice trembled, "I don't kick you out from your own company. We all know Lucas is just for clout. You still hold the highest position, and the most important one."

“You know very well I hate a liar, Y/N.” he rolled his eyes, “I can't just believe what you say while you keep a lot of things to hide. I don't know as much and as important as how much you cover up. I can't believe with people around me just like that.” he growled, “Everyone always put on a mask before it finally disappointed me.”

“I don't hide anything from you! Why are you doubting me, H?" she cried out, "If I lie or was pretending in front of you, why am I always beside you? Don't you think I'm not tired? I'm exhausted! I'm exhausted of all these problems!" her panting breath suffocated her, "Who's not tired of dealing with problems of someone disordered?"

Harry clenched his teeth, “Watch your mouth, Y/N. You can't carelessly call me abnormal.”

“I don't call you abnormal? You're just.. different.”

“And now you're just lying to me.”

“Harry?” she looked at him shocked, “I'm not lying to–”

“Yes, you're. You just called me abnormal, different, someone with disordered and won't admit it. What's the difference between abnormal, different, and disordered?"

“Don't twist my words, Harry..”

“Fucking liar!” He violently hit the glass door until she could feel the vibration, her breath caught off when he leaned forward – staring at her coldly while his raged breath kissed her skin. She noticed his pupils were dilated and irises grew darker with face reddened with anger. Was Harry so annoyed with her?

“I'm not fucking liar!" she shook her head, "Stop accusing me of being a liar!"

“Then, what's the right nickname for you?” he challenged, “A fucking slut?”

Hearing your significant other uttered something that you never imagined before, of course it would break your heart. Y/N had never thought before her Harry would shatter her feelings – her heart. Especially she was aware enough it was really him who said that, not another one. When the rude nickname slid out of his mouth, she looked him in disbelief. The way her eyes flashed how upset she was, her breath was short as if there was something suffocated her.

“Excuse me, Harry?” her voice was low, “A slut? Really? What do you mean by that?”

“What other nicknames suits you if you don't want to–”

“I'm not a fucking slut!”

This was the first time, and Y/N hoped would be the last time, she raised her voice in front of Harry. They would never yell at each other if they got into a small argument. For Harry himself, it was no secret he had shouted in her face, well it was Marcel actually, but what he just said was completely out of his own soul. Somehow if he was annoyed and uncomfortable, everything would look wrong for him. Even if he could be honest, he thought this holiday was useless since that made it difficult for him to monitor his company, and all of the problem he had.

“What's better than slut for someone moaned another man's name when she had sex with her boyfriend?" he laughed derisively, his eyes refused to look at his girlfriend who saw him with a dropped jaw.

“Are you fucking mental, Harry? When did I ever do that?" she gritted her teeth, "Don't make up something that–"

“Marcel was laughing at me after that night. He's always bragging how he could make you moan his name.”

It was like being thrown to the bottom of the ocean when Harry muttered something she never expected. She was dizzy, she felt she couldn't breathe. The nape of her neck was hot, her tongue locked leaving her speechless. She never found out Harry knew the accident that night, in which they were – or she and Marcel, drunk and ended up taking off each other's clothes, – and you knew what happened the rest. In her mind, he never remembered it since he was drunk and never brought it up later.

“And you just realised it, Y/N?” he tilted his head with the look in his eyes was piercing through her heart, “You don't know how disgusting it was to see you fucking him, Y/N.”

“And now tell me..” his chest panted, “WHAT'S MORE FITTED ON YOU THAN A SLUT!?”

His voice boomed around the cottage making Y/N turned her head away. She could feel the flames of rage roiling within him, and she wasn't brave enough to go any further. Her heart pained by the way he called her, but she realised that Harry was hiding his pain and pretended that he didn't know that his lover was having sex with another man.

“Harry, we were drunk that night and–”

“And you realised that he wasn't me, didn't you? And yet you still let him fucked you.” he scoffed, “You were aware he's Marcel, Y/N.”

“I– ”

Harry turned his body, his hands crossed on his chest. And at that time, Y/N wanted to cry because she couldn't recognise the eyes was staring at her. No, not whose eyes they belonged to. But, the way he was looking at her like she was a trash.

“Or maybe you enjoyed being fucked by Marcel?”

“Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to–”

Her trembling voice was refuted by him who looked so done, "You don't know the feeling. My heart broke to see you did that but on the other hand I couldn't do anything. I am sick of being helpless when something that should be mine is being used by others."

“Now, tell me, Y/N. What would you feel if you were me?”

Y/N shook her head, her eyes were squinting. No, she couldn't imagine it. She couldn't imagine it because she didn't want her heart break. She couldn't imagine the disappointment she had to accept.

“Why, Y/N? Why did you do it? Why did you let it happen?”

She shuddered, his whisper right in her ear made the goosebumps appeared on her skin. She could feel how close his face was to her right now albeit her eyes still shut closed, refusing to look at his eyes. She couldn't bear the eyes of someone who disappointed with her.

“Do you want him instead?”

“TELL ME!”

With the blink of an eye, Harry grabbed her hand and pushed her down to the floor, sending her squeezed into the corner of the kitchen. His rough behaviour once again made her frozen in place, never in her head she thought he could rude to him. And this was Harry, not Marcel.

His slow steps took him to the woman who was curled in the corner. She gulped harshly when he squatted in front of her. She couldn't make a sound, her adrenaline was racing, her heart was pounding with fear. She felt like a lonely deer ready to be pounced on by a hungry tiger.

“How could I trust someone who lied to me?” he worked his jaw, “And the most pathetic thing is, she's someone who's important. But, she played me with lies and bullshit.”

“I'm not, H..” her voice quaked, “I'm not lying anything. And for Marcel incident, I couldn't say how wrong I was.”

“You know I don't like liars and traitors, Y/N. We've talked about this before. I even entrusted my big secret to you but this is what I got?” his voice was cold, sharp and heart-wrenching, “You have no idea how disgusted I am for thinking my girlfriend fucking someone. And both of them seemed enjoyed it so much.”

“Harry..” she began to sob, “I don't mean that way..”

He got up, walking away from her. With a huff, he paced back and forth in front of her. For a moment, he rubbed his face before shaking his head with a chuckle. She cautiously watching him carefully, she didn't dare enough to move from there since her body becoming numb.

“We both knew we enjoyed that night, darling.”

She had never turned her head this fast, staring at him who suddenly was standing in front of her. Oddly enough, he was smiling at her. Smiling like he wasn't mad at her like a few moments ago. And now, she recognises the pair of eyes that always haunted her nightmare. She saw Marcel there, smiling sickly at her.

“What do you want, Marcel?" she growled at her, muster up the courage to confront the creator of all these messes, "Don't you feel enough? Don't you feel enough to ruin Harry's life? My life?"

“Oh, darling.” he cooed sweetly, “He was very upset. He was crying because he couldn't stop me and saw with his own eyes how much you enjoyed our sex.”

“I was drunk, Marcel.”

“I'm aware. But, whose name did you moan that night? Harry or me?” he smirked, “I'm flattered that you knew I was there and still let me made you orgasm.”

“Stop it, Marcel.”

“Why? I'm talking the truth, am I?” he arched an eyebrow, “You have no idea how much I missed the feeling of your skin on me. Can we do that again? And maybe give Harry a little show?”

Y/N didn't think twice as she stood up to attack Marcel. She didn't care that the person in front of her now shared the same body as Harry. All she wanted was to punch Marcel. But, he quickly stepped back before turning his body away.

“No! Go away, Marcel.”

She heard he was talking to Marcel. Was this Harry talking to Marcel?

“Stop!”

He grabbed his own hair with knees fell to the floor. He grimaced, as if in pain, with his fingers still tangled between the roots – pulling them harder. Y/N hesitated. What should she do? Should she approached him or keeping the distance?

Because what she was paying attention to at this time, Harry was trying to prevent Marcel from taking over. His hoarse voice repeatedly saying no to the person who tried to control his mind.

Yet, everything went silent when no more sound came out of his mouth. Only their ragged breath filled the open air. Y/N still huddled in the corner while Harry still backing her. She thought this was the right moment for her to approach him. She got up and took her steps painfully slow, hand reached out to touch her boyfriend's arm. Her heart was pounding so heart like she could hear them clearly in her ear, cold sweat pouring down her neck like she was about to experience something. Everything was so quiet, painfully quite that it scared her. Never once did she feel like this even when Marcel was around.

“Harry?”

Not for a second she landed her hand on his arm, the man quickly turned his body making her flinched. She didn't know why Harry scared her so much with the way he glared at her. She ventured back into touching him, but what happened next made her gasped – again. He pushed her again until she fell near the dining table, made her head hit the edge of the table. What's wrong with him?

“What's wrong with you?” she cried out, touching her temple which seemed to be swollen. Hell, she wanted to scream at him. She really understood his emotions were unstable but pushing her away wasn't something nice.

“Sometimes I think, maybe it was a mistake to let you knew my secret.” he murmured, eyes looking away from her, “At the end of the day, you would use that for your own good.”

“Pardon?”

“I trusted you with my secret. I trusted you with him. If I never told you about him, I would never see you were fucking with him!”

Harry thought everything would be fine if he pretended to know nothing. Yet, every time he thought about it, his chest was aching. Like something was giving him a pressure. The feeling of betrayal and guilt, always haunted his heart and mind. He felt betrayed by the two of them but it was all his fault. Who wouldn't get mad if their girlfriend betrayed him in such a thing like that?

“But, you're the one who chose to tell me, Harry! I never asked you. You told me you thought I was the right person to deserve your difference. You trusted me, Harry." she panted, "Let me ask you right now. Where's your trust in me? Why do I even think you don't trust me any more?"

“Don't you think I'm tired of all this? I'm tired of your erratic temper. With your emotions that I couldn't guess. I'm sick of you not being able to control yourself when I know you can! But, guess what? You chose to won't try.” she screamed, didn't care if Anne heard them upstairs. “Do you think it's easy to handle someone like you? Absolutely not! God was very kind to give me patience all of this time.”

“Now, I'm thinking. Maybe all this is God's way of repaying everything you've done. As Harry, or even Marcel.”

Harry didn't even need to think twice when he grabbed the nearest pitcher and threw it to her. Y/N couldn't even dodge it since it was so fast hitting her. She looked at him dead in the eye, not believing what had just happened. But the pain in her head seemed to make her realised that the man who was supposed to protect her, treated her harshly and didn't hesitate to hurt her.

She blinked her eye, trying to digest what just happened. Y/N didn't know how hard the pitcher hitting her head until it was shattered and hurt her. She felt the pain just after a drop of blood ran through her face. Then, she shifted her eyes to him. Harry. She couldn't trust her voice at this point, just giving him a look of disappointment and pain to him to understand. And for Harry, he was still had his eyes on her with a reddened face, jaw tightened and both fists were clenching tightly.

Both of them didn't say a word, just exchanged glances. Y/N didn't feel the pain, her adrenaline was racing so hard that she felt like he was numb.

“How many more times do you need to hurt me, Harry? Have you not realised all this time, the way you closed yourself for me is also hurting me? And do you realise that too makes me question your trust in me?” whispered her, “Tell me, H. How can we restore the trust and be optimistic about everything we face?”

Harry still had his mouth closed, eyes sharp on her. During the silence, Y/N felt the excruciating pain in her bloody head. But, she ignores it. She needed an answer from him, now.

“TELL ME!”

Harry was seeing red. No one ever tested his patience like this. Not his family. Not the company. Not even Marcel. Maybe Marcel would applaud him seeing he couldn't make peace with himself. After all, that was what Marcel wanted, right?

Hearing his girlfriend raised her voice at him, he felt she was insulting him. With jaw clenched tightly, he pulled her away before smashing her against the wall. Y/N felt her back and head hit the wall hard. She couldn't count the number of times her body being slammed, she was too busy trying to get Harry's hand off her and begging him mercy.

“This is what you've got for betrayed me.” Harry gritted his teeth, no longer slamming her body but hands still tightly gripped her hair, “Don't even test my patience if you can't handle it.”

“You're the one who tested my patience, Harry.” her breath stammered, her head was burning.

She cackled slightly, before coughing because her breath was shortened. Her eyes glanced slightly at Harry who still gripping her roots, “Do whatever you want, Harry. I can't stop you, can I?”

Everything went creepy silence along with Anne's deafening scream. She blinked softly, lolling her head towards her boyfriend. She didn't know why she was smiling like nothing happened. The last thing she knew, she smelt her own blood soaking her face as her breath slackened. . . Please excuse some errors Talk to me :)

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lifeofroos · 3 years

Text

Part 16. I felt a little meh about this chapter while writing the first draft, but now I think it is pretty alright.

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, they continue talking about Cupid, which they also did in part 4. The rest is on AO3 and Fanfiction.net!

This Might Be Crazy: Part 16: Cherry Coca Cola

‘Where are we going?’ I asked.

‘Long island beach.’

‘And why are we going to long island beach?’

‘Thematic appropriateness.’

‘What do you mean?’

Dionysus sighed. ‘What did we talk about last time we were at the beach?’

The corners of my mouth sunk. ‘About Cupid. And then you said you wanted to talk about him more in the future. And then I brought him up last time, when we talked about Jason. So... now the time has come to continue.’

‘Exactly.’

I sighed and dropped down into the sand. ‘Alright then. But I don’t even remember where we left off last time.’

He did not say anything back while he sat down next to me and handed me a bottle of Cherry Coca Cola. ‘Here. Also for thematic appropriateness.’

‘Because I had Strawberry Coke last time?’

‘Indeed. Now, first of all, how do you feel about your coming out go after what happened at Diocletians’ palace?’

I shrugged and took my time to think while I uncapped my soda. ‘Ehm… at first, it did not go so easily. With the help of Jason, I managed to tell the rest of the seven…’ Dionysus rolled his eyes when I called them that, ‘And Reyna about it. Eventually, I told Thalia, because she was Jasons’ sister. Then, to a few other people who were important during the Giant war, so coach Hedge, his wife, Gwen and Dakota from camp Jupiter, and then eventually most of camp Half-blood and camp Jupiter. The gods learned along the way, and slowly basically everybody knew. I don’t wear a pride flag on my sleeve, because I do not feel comfortable with that, but furthermore I am pretty open about it. You know, I would say my coming out was pretty smooth after the first bump.’

‘Glad to hear that. Last time you said that most people are accepting, right?’

‘Yes. Most campers were open to it, and those who weren’t quickly grew to be. I mean, we are the descendants of the ancient Greeks and Romans, after all. I think I told you last time about Wills’ relative, how she makes tasteless comments, but also that she does not really bother me all that much. I… this might sound weird, but I think the fact that most people accepted me helped me work through my internalised homophobia, which surely was there. And still is, but... less.’

‘It is nice to hear that you are feeling that way. Do you think your internalised homophobia is still something we should talk about?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t know if there is a lot to be said about it that I haven’t already said. It was there and it was a real issue for a while, because of all the propaganda from Fascist Italy. But now that I am in a more accepting time, with nothing but accepting people around me who indirectly tell me each day that being gay is nothing to be ashamed off. That I should not be hating myself because of it. And… and then I began to date Will, and slowly I began to… actually like it that I was gay. Not just tolerate it, but like it.’

Dionysus nodded a few times. He was smiling. ‘Wonderful, Nico. It is really nice to hear that you managed to get through it. And of course we all know you’ve got Will, you are superglued to him all the time.’

‘Hmpf.’ I took a sip of cherry coke. I was not glued to Will all the time. Sometimes I had therapy, after all.

‘Now, do you think this would have gone differently if Jason had not reacted the way he did when you were at the palace?’

I took some time to think about that. ‘Maybe… no, yes, I am sure it would have gone very differently. I… I would have been way more secretive about who I truly am and I am pretty sure my internalised homophobia would have been a way larger issue than it is now. I am sure I would still be suffering from it a lot.’ I took a sip of coke. ‘But that… that is just what Jason did. I told you that last time. Jason cares… or cared, for the people around him, and he basically always saw the positive. And he carried that attitude in a way that wasn’t even tiring.’

Dionysus wrinkled his brow. ‘That’s remarkable.’

‘It is.’ I took another sip. ‘And you are right about the fact that I am not ashamed of walking around with Will while we hold hands, or something like that…’

‘As if all the PDA we see from you is holding hands.’

I wanted to tell him to shut up, but that seemed stupid. ‘You know what I mean!’

‘I know exactly what you mean and I think it is very good that you feel comfortable enough to do it.’

‘Well then!’

He shrugged, which was probably his way of saying sorry. ‘Hm. I don’t feel ashamed of that. That is partly because nobody can hate on me when I walk next to Will Solace, of course.’

Dionysus laughed. ‘You seem to have a good relationship with him.’

‘I do. I think.’ I don’t really have a frame of reference. ‘I feel safe with him, and loved.’

Dionysus suddenly got a sad look in his eyes. ‘Those are the most important parts. If you just love each other, and trust each other… the rest will come.’

I took another sip of coke and thought about his words. ‘Is… I mean, people say that often, but is it really true?’

He looked at me. ‘Are you really going to ask me about that? I am the god of alcohol.’

‘I mean, I don’t know a lot of other people who have been married for literal thousands of years and managed to still care deeply about their partner, after all.’ My face soured a little. Except for Cupid, that was.

Dionysus did not notice the change in my facial expression. ‘Yes, it is pretty much true. But you have to know that relationships are different for immortals. Regular humans live maybe eighty years if they’re lucky. Some people might be together for decades, but most couples don’t reach further than a couple of years. Even if you found the one, so to say, and you reached the stadium of the relationship where it is not so much about being in love, but more about loving each other, you’d still be far, far away from what being in a relationship for thousands of years is like. It is not about someone being the ‘one’ anymore. It is about that person being the one you love the most and who will always be with you in spirit, even if you don’t see each other for years. They’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for them, even if you both love others as well. You can feel their presense in your life. Unless you are forcefully send to a summer camp and separated from them, which made the ties that you had looser not in the sense that you love each other less, but that you literally can’t feel the bond that connected you anymore.’ He stared at the sand. I took a sip of coke. For a second, he stayed lost in thought, until he seemed to wake up. ‘I just said that all out loud to some fourteen year old.’

‘Hey, I am fifteen!’

‘That matters about nothing.’

I took another sip, but the bottle was almost empty. ‘I have been telling you a lot about my life. This is only fair…’

‘That is not how therapy works.’

‘...And I think it might be important to know this about the gods, because… well, with all the children going on and stuff…’ I needed to stop talking right now and I knew it. I got up. ‘But I have classes in a little while.’ Dionysus did not look at me.

‘Use that information wisely.’

I shrugged. I would try my best. ‘I am going to Will now.’ That made him look up at me.

‘Yes, go do that. You deserve someone like him in your life.’

I nodded again and walked away. On one hand, I felt smug because I managed to get a shred of information about immortals out of him. On the other hand, I felt a bit sorry. I wondered how it was to be seperated from someone you loved so much. And on the third hand, which I did not know I had, I felt happy that the subject of Cupid and internalized homophobia had been seemingly closed off and I had said absolutely nothing about Percy Jackson. Now I could talk about that when I felt truly ready for it. Which might be never.

A/N: A chapter I thought was necessary, because I left the chapter with Cupid unwrapped and it has been quite some time. After Jason, I thought it was the most logical, even if it is not much. The next chapter will be a bigger set piece again.

I am not sure about this chapter. I just am not. I have already written out the next part, however, about Hazel, and that feels a lot better.

I have a bunch of ideas written down and a lot of things were mentioned by you guys. If you really, really want to see something, tell me and I’ll add it to the list and maybe (but only maybe) put it higher on the list.

Spoiler alert: Nico will tell Dionysus about Percy... someday. He just does not know when yet.

#Nico di angelo #dionysus #trials of apollo #pjo #tower of nero #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #fanfiction #fanfic #writeblr #writing #cupid #will solace #solangelo #tw homophobia #cw homophobia #therapy #hurt/comfort

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theramseyloft · 4 years

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You probably already get this question alot, but could I have some care tips (Cage requirements, food, basic care) and anything that might repel me from them? (Especially for a racing Homer - which is what I'm assuming they have here since pigeon racing is quite a big industry in my country) (I'd love to adopt but sadly that's not an option here since there's barely even dog rescues here) Thanks so much in advance!

I’ll start with what might repel you, starting with things inherent to the species, and then to potential effects of their personal history.

First thing’s first; DUST!!!

If you, or any one in your house hold, has dust related allergies or any respiratory issues at all, pigeons are not the pet for you.

They are dust monsters! For their size, the Columbidae produce more dust that any other domestic bird.

It is also a much finer dust. It floats in the air like thin smoke and takes a long time to settle, so you will breathe more of it with a group of pet pigeons than you would with parrots, chickens, quail, or song birds.

Definitely more than any mammalian dander that I know of.

Pigeons are only really territorial over what they consider a nest space. Away from their nests, they are social and quite friendly, but the fiercely defend their nest from all comers.

If they are in a loft, or have free flight of a room, that aggression is constrained to the actual nest itself and anything with in about half a body length from the lip of it.

But if they are in a cage, the entire cage is space that they feel a powerful instinctive drive to defend.

Any uninvited entry is seen as an intrusion either by a predator or a rival, so I usually advise people not to attempt to physically interact at all with the pigeon in their cage.

Talking to the birds is fine, but all physical intrusion is seen as aggression that they have to defend against.

So, when you want to begin physically interacting with them, it’s best to invite them out into your room in the evening.

I’ll go into coop and home interaction training after the basic housing part.

Unless they are out of a sex linked pair, or you get them as fully mature adults, pigeons are absolute hell to sex.

Homers do become dimorphic as they age.

Karen is an adult racing homer cock.

Bird-bird is an adult hen of the same breed.

Look at Karen’s wattle (The thick skin above his nasal slits, at the base of his beak)

Now look at Bird-Bird’s.

His wattle is much bigger and more intricately developed than hers.

Her face is much finer featured than his.

He stands more upright.

She stands more horizontal.

But as peeps, they are nearly impossible to differentiate.

This is important, because the social behavior of cocks and hens and how it translates to humans tends to be VERY different.

Hens are VERY cuddly! Even into adulthood.

But adult cocks are platonically touch repulsed.

A flock mate is likely to make physical contact with a cock for one of two reasons: Another cock starting a fight, or a hen asking for sex.

They even make friends with flock mates through combat.

Until it sinks in otherwise, all attempts at physical contact with a cock is perceived as a challenge to a fight.

Non-aggressive contact with a cock is seen as an invitation for him to be your mate, and cock love is VERY pinchy!

Pigeon courtship consists of a three part ritual called Driving.

In the Chase trial, A cock will harass and bite a hen until she flees. If she was interested first, she’ll flirt to get his attention, and then fly off.

He HAS to chase her, keep up with her, and out maneuver her, all while herding her towards his nest so that she dives in when she’s too exhausted to continue to fly.

If he cannot out maneuver her, fly faster, and stay in the air longer than her, then her peeps will be more likely than her to be caught and eaten by a predator, and she will refuse that cock the opportunity to fill her eggs.

After she inspects the nest and has rested, she will try to leave. The second courtship trial revolves around blocking her exit and physically wrestling her back in until she is too exhausted to keep fighting him.

If he cannot block the generally smaller, weaker hen from leaving and fight her to a stand still, then he can’t hope to block another cock trying to force his way in, throw him out if he manages to pop in by surprise, or keep fighting him until he gives up.

Only after proving his stamina and strength to the Hen directly may he offer her a sample of the contents of his crop.

This is the sweet kissing part of courtship, after which they preen and cuddle and he’s allowed to step up onto her back and tread her.

This translates very poorly with a human partner, and if you have a cock as a companion, you have to be ok with a LOT of love bites before you can get to the soft cuddly part of the relationship.

Suddenly running up to you and biting out of nowhere is NOT aggression. They give LOTS of warning when they are upset.

Running up to attack you out of nowhere is a misguided attempt to begin Driving you, and he will go WAY over the top with it, because he is trying to impress a COLOSSUS with his physical strength, stamina, and tenacity.

You can understand how this could translate poorly to a human partner!

There are ways to respond to minimize the bitey bit, but we’ll get to those in another ask. This one is going to be VERY long as is.

Now, what we have just discussed is base line pigeon, with no outside components making anything more difficult.

Racers old enough to fly have been through daily training tosses; where they are grabbed, put in a basket, and released every day at increasing distances from the loft.

The best case scenario is a strong fear of hands from being grabbed and stuffed into the basket and occasionally restrained and injected with a vaccine.

The luckiest individuals have only had to navigate for miles every day to return to safety, food, and family.

Racing birds can also have to dodge hawks, or fly through inclement weather during training flights.

Some can even make it home severely injured.

Understandably, adult racers of either sex will need to be patiently worked through a STRONGLY reinforced fear of hands.

We have lots of posts discussing how to work with fearful pigeons, and I’ll be happy to go into it again in more detail, but that’s another for a different post.

Basics of care for pigeons are very simple.

They are strict granivores. Seeds are all they can digest, but they can eat a very wide variety of seeds. The more variation, the better.

Pigeons do not hull their seeds. They swallow them whole, and depend on the hulls as vital dietary fiber, so don’t give them seed that is already hulled.

Their diet should involve as much variety of seed, grains, and legumes as you can get your hands on, the size of an unpopped kernel of popcorn or smaller (Most breeds can;t swallow seeds much bigger than that) with some source of calcium available.

You can have a separate dish of oyster shell, or you can sprinkle powder in a single birds daily meal, or add liquid calcium to their water dish.

NOT all of those at once! Calcium can be overdosed!

Which ever method works most easily for you and your bird.

Pigeons are intensely social birds that get most of their enrichment from interaction.

They are happiest as free roaming house pets, like a cat or dog, that can come see you or go do their own thing as they choose.

Pigeons are smart enough to learn house rules.

Understandably, that is not an option for every one, and free roaming unsupervised before they learn the house rules can be dangerous.

If you cannot let the bird free roam their own room, you can easily modify a dog crate to house them comfortably.

They need square perches. Because they are cliff nesters, round perches put painful pressure on the ball of their feet, making walking painful.

I like to cut garden stakes to length and wire them into place.

A corner bunny litter pan is a decent nest box, but not necessary. They will nest just as happily in a cheap dog food dish.

Pigeons are ground foragers, so they prefer a shallow dish of food on the floor of their enclosure.

Ideally, the modified crate cage for the pigeon should be used like it would be for a pet dog; That is not where the animal lives full time. That is where it sleeps at night or hangs out when you aren’t home to supervise it, until it learns the house rules.

Toys are very simple, because their interaction tools are very limited.

Pigeons can recognize themselves in mirrors and love to play with them.

They enjoy bathing in a dish of water about hip-deep.

They can have sand or straw filled forage boxes to hunt for treats like safflower seeds in.

Stick-shaped, Shiny, and Jingly is their holy trinity of toy characteristics.

q-tips with the cotton tips cut off, tooth picks with the points clipped, wicker kitty balls with jingle bells inside, bread ties with jingle bells that are too big to accidentally swallow twisted to either side, or made into a jingly ring, are all cheap, simple toys that a single pet bird will have fun playing with.

I mentioned coop training earlier, and it’s super simple.

Starting in the evening, open the door to the cage and invite the bird out.

Don’t hang around waiting for it to come. Go settle in to do something quiet and sedentary, like reading a book or surfing the net.

Pigeons are naturally curious, and the best way to work then through the fear of people they may have developed is to be as nonthreatening as possible and reward their curiosity.

Talk to them to desensitize them to your voice and start teaching them how you communicate.

They will eventually grow brave enough to come explore you yourself.

A quiet, pleased greeting will reward them by not startling them.

Have safflower seeds available, but don’t try to reach out to give it to the birds.

Let them discover that you have them, and be still and non-reactive when they take some. Offer verbal praise, but don’t start trying to move until they ease away from automatic flightiness.

I specify beginning this process in the evening because trying to get a bird back into the crate before it trusts you is very difficult and your best bet to avoid making it afraid of you despite your friend-making efforts is to avoid having to chase it back into its pen at the end of flight time.

Starting these in the evening allows you the option to avoid chasing entirely just by turning off the lights.

At the end of out time, give a verbal warning like “Lights out” or “Bed Time”, and then wait a minute or two before actually turning off the light.

Pick the bird up in the dark, and return it gently to its enclosure.

It will begin to associate the “Lights out” or “Bed time” warning with the lights going out, and eventually learn to fly back to the pen in the space of time before the lights actually go out.

That’s about the skin and bone basics of care.

Please, by all means, send more asks for more information on any aspect or detail of pet pigeon keeping.

I am always happy to answer. ^v^

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chappedandfadedvds · 3 years

Text

Nov 4th, Wednesday 18:42

„Looks like we’ve got all of the important issues covered for today. This would be the very last paper for you to sign. Right...eh down here.“

Jens got handed another document, that looked like the dozens that came before it. The pen still in hand, he nodded and put his signature on the line at the very bottom.

„I know this is a lot, but trust me, Jens, you definitely want it all to be handled before it will become necessary and be hurried over last minute.“

He put the pen down, taking his copy to keep upstairs in his room, as the lawyer proceeded to begin to fill his briefcase with a thick binder. A white sticker on it reading:

2020 Stoffels, Helena & Jens

„Thank you so much, Alex, honestly, for everything.“ His mother said, sitting under a blanket on the sofa, while Jens and their lawyer Alexander De Waele sat on the floor across the low couch table.

Jens felt drained, his brain was done for, he was sure of it. One more page to read and he’d be ready to kill himself, right there and then. They had signed documents over documents at the bank and now with Alex even tenfold. Luckily he was an old schoolmate of his mom’s, so he really took his time and had the patience of an angel to go through every little detail for the still seventeen year old teen.

„Definitely, thank you!“ Jens agreed, stretching his arms up into the air, shaking of the light cramp in his right hand.

„Nonesense. I’m glad I could do something for you.“ He said smiling at them before he finished the last bit of coffee in his cup. He had his dress shirt cuffed at both wrists and the first two bottoms had been opened for comfort. They had spend the last 4 hours on this whole ordeal. Alex looked up from his cup, over towards Jens, he seemed to regard him in contemplation for a moment.

„So it is settled then. From friday on, whenever the time will come, this is gonna be yours. The house, the car and everything in it. As well as all rsponsibilities that are coming with, like bills and repairs. Are you sure you want this, Jens? First thing tomorrow morning on my agenda will be sending off these documents, so now would be the time to rip it all up or throw it into a fire if you would want to.“ Alex suggested in seriousness, as Jens looked back at him, in fact giving it consideration. What a momentary relief it would be, until of course he would see his mom, so he did and looked at her tired face, the dark circles under her eyes, the woman thin as a stick. Barely able to follow the ongoing conversation in front of her. So Jens wouldn’t do it. He shook his head determined.

„No, I’ve had four month to think it over. I have my grandmothers support, It’s decided. We have the personal directive handled, the will, all bank accounts have been transfered under my name by the bank today. I’ve called the incurance companies regarding the car, the houshold and liability. I’m probably missing some things I signed today, but this is about it, right.“

„Very much so, yes. You should definitely talk to your school again as well, letting them know about it, in case of an emergency. Obviously no one wishes for that to happen. But should you be hindered to attend classes, especially it being your graduation this summer, you need any help you can get for your future.“

„I know“ Jens replied as he watched his mother falling asleep, having lied down on the sofa, now that everything was sorted. It had been a long day for her, especially being out for hours. She wore the lovely rosegolden headscarf, he found absolutely pretty on her, and she adroed so much. Jens remembered how long his mom had stood infront of her mirror this morning, asking if she looked well enough to face the world. He had assured her she did, despite her complexion saying otherwise. She looked so vulnerable right now, it physically hurt Jens to watch her from across.

„Do you need help to get her to bed?“ Alex asked just as emotionally exhausted as Jens felt it appeared. This wasn’t really easy for anyone involved.

„No, I got it. Happens every other day.“ It didn’t sound as unconcerning as Jens had hoped it would, once spoken out loud. It was true nonetheless. It felt like yesterday was ages ago, worrying over a kiss and a crush on a boy, skating with his friends. Filming a youtube video for god’s sake.

They probably all wondered where he was, as he had only replied in the group around noon, to tell them that he wasn’t feeling like attending classes today. Moyo and Luca joining him apparently, as they seconded it. Much to Yasmina’s frustration, as she tried to get them to actually care for their education.

Jens had stopped reading at that point. Since then his phone was turned off and left in his jacket.

„There is one more issue, that we definitely need to handle soon.“ The insecurity in Alex’s voice made Jens uneasy. He was convinced to have settled everything and being able to concentrate on his daily life, that it threw him off for a minute. He clearly was loosing the control of his breathing again. Jens felt it.

„Hey, Jens?“ Alex put his hand on the teens shoulder, his thumb strocking over the fabric of his shoulder, it calmed him down at least enough to listen further: „Don’t panic, we are not doing that today. We’ll get another date ready, alright? Nonetheless we have to make a desicion there as well, one that might be the hardest for you to do.“ Jens looked up at the laywer next to him, nodding. „What do you want to do regarding Lotte?“

Jens evidently wasn’t prepared for that question, as it took him a solid minute to process what Alex implied. It didn’t even cross his mind that Lotte may be taken away from him.

„Okay, so here is the thing. The court will quite likely consider your father first, then your grandparents and then your bigger sister Lies. And given your family situation, none of these options are ideal. As if all of them involve Lotte being taken out of her house and school and even the only place she ever lived in. If your family members can’t take Lotte in, as I’d assume. Or she simply doesn’t want to leave, the court will have to involve child protection services. No one wants that, Jens.“

The blood was loudly rushing through his body, he could hear it clearly over the words that left Alex’s mouth. Jens was positive that this would devestate him. He loved his sister so much, he couldn’t give her up.

„This is the most likely path we are on right now. Unless! And that’s what I was going to ask you about. Unless you are, as you’ll be turning eighteen this friday, are filing for guardianship over your sister. And I want you to be very clear about what that entails. If we do this, I’d recommend getting a letter of your father and grandparents rejecting their position of choice as the legal guardian to Lotte. I’d also advise you to have witnesses able to argue your case on why Lotte is best kept under your care. And last, a strategy on a stable income. Luck is really on your side, as you’ll actually own a house in your name and the car’s lease is payed off by april next year, so you have no outstanding loans. Which is perfect. But still that is no constant income. So if your plan was to take a gap year or go to university while working two days a week to get by, that’s not gonna do it. If you can’t find a well paying half time job, to allow for attending university half time, you better take it out of your agenda for your future.“

Listening to Alex felt overwhelming. Sure he had taken care of her for the last couple of month. Bought her to school, picked her up, cooked for her, washed her clothes and on the list went.

What Jens would need to agree to though, was doing exactly that for the next ten years of his life. And he needed to do it at eighteen. The realisation hit him, that he would then spent all of of his twenties taking care of his sister.

Instead of university parties, trying out directions in life, and falling from one messy relationship into the next, he’d try to handle a teenager, while working a job. Damn.

„This is a lot to ask of you. That’s why I wanted to bring it up today, so you’ll have some time to think it through, say by mid december? This is a big sacrifice on your end and I think you should also talk to Lotte about it. Openly and honest, see what she thinks, what she would like for herself. She is a child, but like in any cutody case, the child’s opinion is just as important to take into consideration.“ Alex got up on his feet, his things collected and blazer and coat back on, as he spoke, with Jens following him towards the door. It was almost eight, so Olivia’s dad should be here any moment to bring Lotte home.

„You have my number, please call me once you are ready to talk it over in a meeting, yes?“

„Yes. Thank you again. Really. And I’ll talk to you soon, I suppose.“ Jens said attempting to smile at the kind man, who hugged him with a sad expression drawn across his face. He left the house, briefcase in hand and down the street towards his parked black car.

As the door fell close behind him, Jens stood in the hallway, thinking the whole day over and over again. Until he sort of didn’t think at all any longer. Blankly staring into nothingness.

The all encompassing numbness felt welcoming.

And then the door bell rang. Lotte was home.

#week 2 #wtfock #skam #vds #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #chapped and faded #i'm not a lawer #soooo yeah #forgive me #so unsure about it

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nellie-elizabeth · 3 years

Text

Supernatural: Despair (15x18)

I'm having an out of body experience, I cannot believe this. Last night was legitimately one of the weirdest nights of my life, and not just because of *gestures broadly* but also because of *gestures broadly* and myriad other small but still totally bizarre personal things coming at me from all angles... strap in, y'all, I've got some shit to say.

Cons:

We're gonna talk about it. Ohhhh, we're gonna talk about it. But let's start with some other shit before we get there.

So... are we ignoring "Dean was willing to let Jack sacrifice himself" or something? Like there was that moment with Sam and Dean where they talked about it, and Dean apologizes for pulling a gun on Sam, and Sam is like "oh it's okay Dean, no worries." But at the beginning of this episode, Dean seems to be just as worried for Jack, and as protective of him, as the others, with absolutely no acknowledgment of what happened in the last episode. This... should have mattered. There should have been some regrouping and some serious talks about this. Seriously.

The Thanos snap thing... guys, when Infinity War did it in 2018, it was kind of fun and shocking and cool, and we knew the deaths wouldn't be permanent but it was still wild to watch our heroes react to such an immense loss and then leave us all in limbo for a year. This... is not that. The sheer tone-deafness of having this episode contain a moment of domesticity for AU!Charlie and her cool egg-making girlfriend Stevie, only to have Stevie vanish... and then to end the episode with the biggest queer-bait/bury your gays moment imaginable... like...

Okay, sorry, no, saving the Destiel thing until I've sorted out the rest of this nonsense. The point is, seems pretty clear that the deaths in this episode (other than Cas') are temporary, and Supernatural already has the biggest power creep problem of any show I've ever seen... they really couldn't think of another way to up the stakes for the ending, other than doing the thing where everyone gets killed? Didn't... Crowley... already do this to them several seasons back? Am I hallucinating? There's nothing new under the sun with this show.

Why does this show introduce things and resolve them in a single episode? Like, big, huge things? We just figured out Death was trying to double-cross them, and now by the end she's dead? This show either limps along and does nothing, or speeds through plot stuff at lightning-speed. These last two episodes were big and dramatic and full of Plot but in a way where it all feels kind of unreal. Pacing issues like whoa.

And speaking of. Ahem. Okay. Let's... let's do this. I have some things about the Destiel scene that I'm going to put in the "pros" section below, and hopefully as you read on you'll understand why it's really hard for me to be black and white about it. If I had to, if I had to determine whether I am "happy" or "sad" or "grateful" or "angry" I'd say... sad and angry, 97%? Like? Let's dive in, here.

Setting aside the larger context, a couple of smaller notes:

Acting-wise, what the fuck was Jensen doing in this scene? Misha was acting his whole heart out and Jensen gave him nothing to play off of. I don't understand how Jensen accidentally played Dean so obviously in love with Cas all this time, and then in this moment, no-homo'd it so fucking hard. Even the stage directions in the script page that was floating around said that Dean didn't reciprocate. That's dumb, like, in a shipping sense it's disappointing, but also... Dean, what was your face doing while Cas gave his whole monologue about how amazing you are? What a great and loving man you are? Even if he hadn't ended the whole thing by saying "I love you" and then dying right in front of your eyes, surely you would have been feeling some kind of way about the whole situation?

Also, the scene was shot so awkwardly, there was too much space between them, and then Cas pushes Dean out of the way and he just sits there on the floor with Pikachu-face while The Empty opens up and takes Death and Cas away, making these weird shocked noises... Supernatural often has awkward pacing when dramatic things are happening in action scenes, where certain people have to stand still like it's not their turn on the initiative order in a D&D fight or something, and this was one of the more embarrassing and awkward examples of that.

Cas' deal with The Empty has not been brought up practically since it happened. Cas has been sidelined as a character a lot this season, the past couple seasons, really, but we had this hanging over our heads, right? When Cas says "I've figured it out, true happiness isn't in having, it's just in saying it", the moment doesn't really work on a character level, because we didn't get to see Cas do any of that figuring out. We didn't know he was curious about his true happiness, we didn't know it was an internal struggle/debate for him, wondering what it could be. A lot of Destiel people wanted it to be Dean confessing his love to Cas, and that being the true happiness... but of course that would never happen in a million years. Others thought it would be "yay we defeated the big evil, we can all be a happy family together," oh snap, I'm too happy, goodbye. Which would have been... weirdly anticlimactic, but at least would have made some level of narrative sense. This idea that telling Dean how he feels would bring Cas peace is... well, it's okay, it's fine in isolation, but there's no buildup to it, no tension to his moment of "realization."

And now to fry some bigger fish...

Let's forget about the fact that we never thought this would happen to begin with. Is it actually... worse that it did? Seriously, queer angel man confesses his love to stoic human man who stands there without making a single expression, and the act of confessing said love, knowing it's not reciprocated, knowing he won't get to be with Dean or even be near him ever again, is enough to make Castiel so truly happy that he's willing to die peacefully and forever, all in the act of saving Dean's life? Is that not... like... textbook homophobia? People toss around "bury your gays" a lot and I think what they're missing is that the trope doesn't automatically apply just because a queer character dies. It means a queer character dies because of their queerness, or they are revealed to be queer but can't get any measure of happiness and then they die immediately. This is textbook that. The act of confessing his GAY LOVE is what KILLED CAS. It's a one-to-one sequence of events. It's not a coincidence that Cas died right after saying this. Saying this is what made him die. That's... appalling. Truly, in a very real sense, it's appalling.

Another thing I haven't seen people talk about much is the manufactured nature of this sacrifice. We just found out Billie was going to turn on them at the end of the last episode. If Cas was going to die in a sacrifice-y way, did it have to happen now when Billie was basically just knocking on the door trying to get at Dean for a last-minute revenge thing, even though Billie was already at death's door? This was so contrived, like, can Cas not whoosh them away to somewhere else? Keep them running until Billie succumbs? I get that it wouldn't have been easy, and maybe Billie could have caught up to them anyway, but my point is, they manufactured this moment to be "the only way" that Dean could survive, making Cas' sacrifice so noble and necessary or whatever... but I was sitting there thinking there's got to be another way. If they'd wanted to write in another way, there could have been. The inevitability felt so very contrived. And, as mentioned, the impact of dying on this show has lost all meaning, so even Billie trying to kill Dean, squeezing his heart in his chest, did absolutely nothing for me. I knew he'd be fine, because there are two more episodes left. And if Cas hadn't been there to do what he did, Dean would still have been fine because he's Dean. Am I making any sense?

We have two more episodes left. I am... fairly confident Misha won't be in those episodes. All context, both within the show and without, points to that. I truly think that after all this time, he gets the only ending in the whole show that's unambiguously unsalvageable and tragic. We have a world where the afterlife exists and people can hang out there, but The Empty is a different beast, and this means Cas is... gone. Permanently. Like, his consciousness no longer exists, he's caput. They could bring him back from The Empty, in fact, they've already done it once... but if they decide not to, that's just... where we leave things, and that's brutal and unnecessarily grim. The other characters, even if we get an end-of-show TPK (which would be STUPID, more on that later), could at least have canon or implied-canon reunions in the afterlife. If we don't see Eileen again, we can get the implied ending of her coming back to life, or Sam dying and joining her in Heaven. Same with Charlie, with Charlie's new girlfriend, with Bobby, with Donna, with every other character that's died along the way, including Mary Winchester and OG Charlie, OG Bobby, whatever you want. The fact that Cas gets this, after everything, is truly the part I'm the most sad about, setting aside love confessions entirely.

So as I said, two more episodes. I'm worried that Cas dying is gonna get swallowed up with everyone dying and not get its due, thus making the confession completely isolated. Like, here you go, gays, have this one scene, which, in isolation is quite heartfelt from Cas' perspective, but can be carefully boxed up and not touched for the last two hours of the show. If they don't want to touch on how this would affect Dean specifically, they don't have to. He can be generally angsty and sad about Cas, but they could get away with never bringing it up again, and that is some grade-A level bullshit right there, my friends. At minimum, Dean needs to tell Sam about this. He probably won't, but he should, if the show has any sense of integrity left in its bones.

Ahem. Like I said, I have... lots of thoughts. More on Destiel later, but let's turn to the "Pros" section and talk about some other aspects of this incredibly crowded episode.

Pros:

Despite my issues with everything that didn't get resolved re: Dean letting Jack die, I did kind of like the "to somehow" scene, because it was a nice little breather for the brothers, it solidified them as being on the same side to the bitter end, that despite all the crazy shit they've been through, that they've put each other through, they'll have this as a bedrock at the end of the day. I'm not a brothers-only sort of fan, at all, in fact, I think a brothers-only ending betrays most of what's beautiful about this show in its good moments. But they are the stars, they are the protagonists, they should be the center of their own story, and I like it when we get check-ins like this, that shows how unshakable they are underneath all the other crap.

Charlie and Stevie... okay, cute that their names are like that, cute that Charlie said: "I liked the way she handled herself" and that's how they got together... eggs are cute, whatever... and if these deaths are impermanent, which... come on... they have to be, I do like that Charlie gets to have a girlfriend and be happy as a hunter and as someone's partner.

I liked the tense car ride with Sam texting Eileen, with Dean, Jack, and Cas all silent in the car with him... that was a nice moment of solidarity, all of them entirely on the same page about being there for Sam and helping Eileen however they could... even knowing the futility. What were they going to do when they got there? That was a great tension-building moment, in isolation, even though the deaths are likely temporary.

Cas and Jack's talk was good, I'll admit I've definitely been won over by Cas and Sam as Jack's dads... Dean too, once upon a time, but dude needs to do some groveling before he gets to be Dad again, seriously. It's nice that in the midst of all the chaos, there was a check-in moment. Jack is the embodiment of a lot of our end-game themes, here. He had a noble destiny to sacrifice himself, and then it fizzled out and didn't work, and now he's just left in the aftermath, not sure what to do with himself. It was important that Cas tell him that Jack is worthy of love and family, even if he's not "useful" in the way he thought he could be. Definitely nice to have that nailed in.

If we're following the Infinity War/Endgame line, the last two episodes will be majority Sam, Dean, and Jack, but at the last moment there will be a way to reverse it, and everyone else will come back in a moment of triumph. But probably not so much Castiel, which... well... see above complaints. The point is, seeing Charlie, Bobby, Donna, Eileen, etc. all burst forth for one final moment of glory could be really cool, if they manage to stick the landing with it. It'll be an incredibly manufactured sense of triumph and nostalgia, but it will probably work on me because it's been... guys, I don't know if you know this, but it's been kind of an emotional year. :)

I will say, working under the assumption that the dead characters will come back, I'm actually oddly... not mad about Donna dying. It was actually a legitimately shocking twist. A rule was set up: if a person had died before and been resurrected, or if a person was from another universe, they could be Thanos snapped by Billie. Makes sense. Sam and Dean are in danger because of all their deaths, Jack and Cas aren't safe for the same reason. Charlie, Bobby, Eileen... sure. But Donna should have been safe, given the parameters we started with.

And then Dean and Cas are confronting Billie, she says she's not killing anyone, we realize it must be Chuck... and then Donna, who isn't from another world, who has never died... GONE. I gasped.

And the hits kept coming... Billie is dying because Dean killed her with that small wound, and didn't even know it. That's another excellent twist. The past two episodes, back to back, have kept me on my toes about who to ultimately be afraid of. Chuck? Billie? The Empty? It's so much better than this slow march to Chuck vs. Sam and Dean that we've been getting all season, even if we do loop around to Chuck again as the final Big Bad.

The Empty is actually quite a complex, interesting idea for a villain, this entity that doesn't get involved in petty squabbles, doesn't have personal vendettas, but actually just wants to sleep and be left alone. Having Meg be the Empty's face here at the end is also a nice touch. I wish we could have had more of this, truthfully, and I'm curious how The Empty will play a role in how things shake out, if at all.

So... I want to go back to something I've been saying these past couple episodes, about how if this show has a grimdark ending, it will be a betrayal of everything they've set up. It will be so stupid that my anger will manifest in yet another round of hysterical giggles. What I suspect is that we'll get something peaceful, something where trauma will linger but people will get to start anew. Maybe Jack creates a new world outside of Chuck's power. Maybe Sam and Dean take over as God and the Darkness, as some people suggested, and Jack is the new Death. Maybe maybe maybe. Bottom line, I could be satisfied with the majority of this ending, and I can even (obliquely, reluctantly) understand that they wanted one final perma-death to really make the stakes feel higher. If they aren't killing off the Winchesters, that leaves Castiel. So what I'm saying in this paragraph is basically that I'm not guaranteed to despise the ending of this show yet. They could still get it right.

God, that sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it?

Before I end this, I want to talk about, as promised, the few Destiel-related points that I'd classify as "pros", albeit with a big asterisk.

First off, Misha clearly found the moment very cathartic, and he pulled out all the stops, and, in isolation, the confession was hella romantic and quite poignant. Without context, just reading these lines? "The one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have" and "because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you..." like, that's some premium content, I won't lie. I also kind of enjoy the idea that Cas finds happiness in saying the words out loud, in being true to who he is. I hate a lot about what happened to Cas here, but if Cas' arc, in its totality, is about embracing humanity, and Dean is the anchor to that, this really does come full circle. He pulled Dean out of Hell, he saved him, he loved him, he'll die for him, and in accepting that love, that human love, he is finally at peace with who he is. Now, mind my comments above, I'm still not happy, but I can see how in one sense, this is narratively poignant. And if others are satisfied with it, I'm happy for them.

(Added bonus, while Jensen's acting was WACK for the majority of that scene, I did like the ending shot, the silence, him not answering Sam's call, crying silently into his hands. That was very nicely shot and acted, I thought.)

Secondly, and this isn't actually praise for the show, it's more a... meta experience? I have to say, the idea that Destiel became sort of canon, but in the most homophobic way possible, in the year 2020, while we're all still waiting for election results to come in is... one of the wildest, most hilarious things to ever have happened to me. I mean it, last night sitting alone in my house I kept cackling loudly to myself, in complete and utter disbelief. I saw Tumblr explode in a way that hasn't happened in years. I was transported back in time nearly a full decade, to the person I was when I started writing these reviews, or even before that, when I was new to Supernatural, new to the whole concept of being truly involved in a fandom.

Here's the thing... I never. Ever. EVER. Thought we would get any sort of textual confirmation. I thought at most, if they went for a happy ending for everyone, we'd get Dean and Cas as hunting partners, and we could all fill in the post-canon gaps. I once told my sister that I'd be happy with a one-sided love confession from Cas to Dean, because that part was practically canon before last night, and in a way, I am happy. I'm happy that this crazy thing actually happened, and if nothing else, all of those clowns can put away their makeup. I was never with them. I never believed, and there's this sliver of me that's happy to have been wrong. It's completely bogus how it happened, but the fact that we live in a reality where it happened is still kind of tripping me out in a major way. So I'm happy, I'm... flabbergasted, but I'm experiencing a very unique, unprecedented soup of emotions this morning and I never would have felt like this if Cas had died with a no homo parting.

And that's the thing, they let it be unambiguously about Dean, not just in that one moment, but all along, and that's really satisfying in a meta narrative sense that when everyone was reading it as "Castiel is in love with Dean," they were... correct. It doesn't really matter when they decided this, in last night's episode they made it crystal-clear that it wasn't a whim, wasn't a recent development, in-universe. This has been Cas' truth from very, very early on, his entire experience since meeting Dean has been shaped by him, he's loved him all this time. That... I don't know, it's absolutely bonkers that this is all we're going to get, but it does mean something, if you want to let it.

Welcome back to 2012, Tumblr. Last night was a wild ride, I won't deny.

I'm giving the episode a bad score, but I just want to say the Destiel scene gets a simultaneous infinity-out-of-ten and also zero-out-of-ten, imploding the multiverse instantly. That's where I'm at, folks. Insert gif of Chidi dropping Peeps into a big pot of chili. I'm gonna go take a nap.

6/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #spn #spn 15x18 #destiel #i'm experiencing actual shock #i keep laughing #but like #you know how sometimes people laugh or smile inappropriately at funerals?#it feels like that

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Hickman’s X-Men Line: One Year in Part 1: Prelude, House and Powers of X, X-Men and New Mutants (Hickman)

Under the cut is an explination of how hickman’s run happened (the mass decay will be covered another time probably), and dives into his x-books: house of x, powers of x,x-men and his breif run on new mutants and what i thought. Pax Krakoa baby.

One year ago, I breathed a sigh of relief as I read the utterly masterful house of x #1. See for the past few months, i’d been waiting on baited breath for this comic with a level of anticipation not matched by any before or since. Even the debut of a spinoff to Chew, one of my faviorite comics of all time that i deftnetly need to do a retrospective on, this week got within the same galaxy and it still wasn’t on the same level. This was big, grandiose and everything I hoped for. And whatever issues I had as House and it’s sister series came out slowly died out as the full story unfolded, my jaw dropped and my faith in Hickman to save the x-men was fully delivered. At last the x-men were back on top. And it was going to be one hell of a ride.

As you probably know the x-men had been treated pretty badly at marvel due to fox having the movie rights, a move that still baffles and frustrates me. Instead of making money to rub in fox’s face by promoting the hell out of them in merchandise, animation, video games and of course comics ALONGSIDE the avengers, they basically ignored the x-men and fantastic four to give fox less to work with to spite them while fox.. entirely ignored this as since both franchises have been around since the 60′s and the x-men had had mountains of spinoffs to give them mountains of characters. So in short: a decision to spite and hurt their compeitors only cost marvel money, pissed off fans and fox’s eventual absortion as far as I can tell had absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

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Thankfully marvel DID stop being stupid eventually and relented: The Fantastic Four came back a year before house of x with a decent run by dan slott, which is thankfully more like earlier spider-man work and ff work, and less like what his spider-man run became from superior onward despite the ocasional misfire but i’ll talk about both runs another day. I mostly bring it up because with this revivial, marvel also slowly reintegrated the four back into the marvel universe and made their return feel like a big deal. The X-Men however took a bit: while they got an earlier shot at returning with ressurxion. Buuut with the idea of having hickman return in their back pocket, marvel apparently refused, at least according to cullen bunn who I fell has no real reason to lie, to let the writers rock the boat too much and the era perdictably was just meh, especially flagship book X-Men Gold which was written bafflingly by Mark Gugenhiem and outside of one or two good ideas basically felt like the comics equivlent of one of those party store albums where every song is a cover done by someone who couldn’t give half a damn. There were bright spots though with Cullen Bunn finishing out his awesome x-men tenure with x-men blue, Sina Grace’s wonderful iceman that took the wonky execution of Bendis’ decision to make bobby drake gay and made it work beautifully, and the decent if somewhat baffling x-men red. But overall it just felt like a missed opportunity and with the fox deal in bloom and a new EiC, marvel NEEDED something bigger, bolder and grander to do with marvel’s strangest heroes of all. After all all eyes would be on them while Marvel’s Movie department took a few years, probably longer now thanks to the pandemic, to let things cool off before bringing the x-men into the mcu. Enter Jonathan Hickman: Writer of another one of my faviorite runs of all time, his Fantastic Four run, along with an enjoyable but heavily flawed avengers run, a secret warriors run i’ve read half of that was a hell of a ride, tons of ultimate comics, and a bunch of indies I haven’t read but are probably great. A wordy weirdo and i’m convinced the second coming of grant morrison, and I hope one day the two work together on something tha’ts equal parts weird and amazing.

The morrison comparison is also apt as both came into the X-Men at a time when the x-men badly needed them: Just like Hickman morrison had to deal with a largely stagnant x-men and changed them to fit the times. And yes unsuprisngly i’ll also be covering morrisons run, warts and all, and it’s also one of my faviorite comics of all time. However Hickman was given a huge advtange his spirtiual predecessor, and really few comics writers EVER have gotten: full control of the x-men line. Unlike morrison who wasn’t even allowed to use certain characters despite writing the main fucking x-book, Hickman got full creative control: full say in the direction of the story, full say in who came on board and to let them pitch whatever they wanted to do. And honestly it’s an apporach that’s not only reovlutionarly but makes the books FEEL like their actually occuring around the same time. Sure their all still seperate entities, but it DOES feel like one coheisive universe. Contrastingly with the avengers Black Panther’s solo has had him on a year long sojurn in space, before returning to earth.. while also running the avengers over in jason aaron’s run and having his own spinoff team, without any fucking clue as to when intergalactic empire of wakanda takes place in relation to everything else. Tony Stark is currently just taking back both his own damn name and the iron man name in his own book, but is also a major player in avengers, and empyre with no mention of his seeming drunken spiral (itw as a ploy) or arno taking up the armor and I feel these issues rather than the neglect the x-men once had are why krakoa’s impact isn’t being felt more in other titles. I’m not saying don’t let books do their own thing, but I am saying let them have fucking consequences and weight instead of just acting like one isn’t happening or at the very least have a character be absent for an arc so you can fit the other stories into continuity easier. As X-Men’s shown it dosen’t stifle inovation and hell even immortal hulk easily fit into no road home with a fucking note saying “this takes place before x issue” it’s not that hard. This advantage was likely part of Hickman’s terms for coming back. See the x-men were the one thing at marvel he never got to do. The Gillieon and Aaron runs and Bendis runs meant the spot simply wasn’t open and by the time he was leaving it was clear marvel wanted to bury the x-men not praise them, so his ideas had no run. But the X-Men were what got Jonathan into comics. A shocking fact I learned at last years comic con, during which most of the dawn of x titles were revealed, was he WASN’T a fantastic four or avengers fan as a kid, not hating them but like me with the avengers for some time, not really caring about them. But with both runs, he did his homework, read as much as possible, and BECAME a fan, and it shows as both runs show a deep love for both marvel and the teams present. With X-Men they were his dream, his golden goose, his windmill, he just never was in the right place at the right time... but with Marvel needing his starpower and creativity and having nothing to loose with the x-men and badly needing a big run to hlep keep intrest in the x-men till the new movies, he finally was. So seeing the company needed him and he could get his dream and the control he needed, while dc had just taken bendis, didn’t need him and until very recently was ran by a moron, his choice to come back to marvel instead of go to dc as he’s admitted, was obvious. And it ended up being the right one. House and Powers of x were massive creative and commerical hits and the following titles have all been mostly praised. The new direction has been a boon for the franchise,k the fans and marvel. So being a fan of this direction, as you can tell by the massive intro, to give my thoughts on each book so far: what I think their doing right, where some went wrong etc, since I’d rather wait another year or so befor ediving into these and let some more of hickman’s plans and future story hints spread throughout his books pay off first. WIth that all out of the way it’’s time for a deep dive of x.So grab some plant based snacks, your x-shaped helmets, and your krakoan coffee, it’s time to finally get into hickman’s era of x-men.

HOUSE OF X AND POWERS OF X The opening salvo and just with two mini series that are one, though why he DIDN’T just have them be one big mini series I genuinely do not know, probably to justify having two diffrent artists to carry the load, is an utter masterpiece. Plain and simple. Let’s get the status quo the series set up out of the way so I can dig into it more: Magento and Xavier were revealed to have been working together for years behind the scenes.. with Moira Mactaggert, one of my favoirite x characters who the series changes utterly and forever. See instead of being the one human who consitantly is on mutants side and one of the x-men’s staunchest allies who sadly hadn’t been resusrected in 20 fucking years, she was a mutant herself, her ablility being reincarnation.. and thus had lived through 9 of her 10 lives seeing mutantkind always loose so told xavier and magneto about this in the hopes of breaking the wheel and letting mutantkind live this time. However hickman , while revealing the alliance does brilliantly still make it work in continuity for me: it’s clear from moira’s notes in one issue, as house and powers and any following titles love having charts or text based sections that I feel give the comics a unique flavor and really help boost most issues, that Charles optimism she was trying to break him of and faith in humanity took years to fully shatter: he plotted and schemed with her to protect his species but it was clear he probably felt it woudln’t be necessary that humanity would prove her wrong.. and by this series it’s clear, no they haven’t changed, the majority of them just want to genocide mutants and have tried again and again and again while the rest who don’t necessarily want it, paticuarlly the superheroes did nothing while Magneto chaffed against her after the whole “alter his infant self after he was deaged by a mutant he made into a baby to be more pacificsitc which naturally pissed him off when that wore off”. Yes that’s a thing that actually happened pre and post retcons it’s why a survivor of the holocaust is , while not a YOUNG man, still healthy and vibrant. It’s a clever way to not undermine those stories while still telling this one and this retcon is a move I like as unlike most retcons it’s both there to tell a good story and excuted in a way that outside of moira dosen’t undermine anything. The Moira retcon I was and to a degree still am mixed on. While the new version of her is brilliant, creative and intresting and I can’t wait to see what happens with her next time she shows up, I do mourn the old as the x-men had few human allies and now their only big one is now a mutant herself, but it IS in service of a really damn good narraitive and the twist that the bad futures presented were in fact other lives of moira was brilliant, and it’s nice to see SOMETHING done with her. I’d rather something that i have a small problem with lead to really great things and be worth the sacrifice of her former character, than just changing things because “fuck it I want to do this and their letting me do this’ as a lot of retcons tend to be. Hickman’s story needs moira and her cycle of defeat to truly soar to the heights it’s reaching, and to make Charles and Xavier’s back alley actions make sense, so i’ll glady sacrifce one version of a character that I really liked for another version of her that’s also really good. The other big swing though I was completley on board for: Hinted at early on by serveral dead mutants being alived, after a sucidie mission against new big bads and mutant hating extermists orchis, who are far better written than other extermists, it’s revealed just why death has seemingly taken a holiday: the big plan that has been decades in the making for xavier and co? That will reshape mutant kind and required working with mr sinsiter of all people? Revivie all dead mutants. See in a brilliant reveal Cerebro isn’t just a mutant tracker; It’s a copier, copying their essecnes reaguarly and storing them for later, updating them every so often and thus meaning any who died can come back. Why it took Chuck so long to do this is also explained as he needed 5 specific mutant power sets to do it and thus had to wait till they had everything they needed: Goldballs, yes goldballs, spits out his giant golden balls, phrasing, which hickman in an insane and awesome turn revealed to be EGGS. Yes EGGS. Proteus, Moira’s son and former villian whose now pacificed since this body cloning process means he has an infnite suply of xavier bodies to burn through and thus isn’t killing people, warps reality to mamke the eggs viable. Elixir, a healer whose been through some shit the poor guy,gives the eggs , once injected with the mutant in questions dna via syringe because of course, life, and Tempus, goldballs former classmate fellow bendis creation and mistress of time, speeds it up a bit so they don’t have to wait a good few decades for some mutants to rerez. The fifth that makes all this possible is hope summers, mutant messiah and adopted daughter of cable returned to promence once more, whose power is revealed to be power maniulation and thus can boost their powers to the degree neded for this. it’s a BRILLIANT turn that not only undoes all the pointless deaths mutants have undergone, but changes the game: Genocide is now near impossible, as humanity has no idea bout any of htis, and instead of mutant lives going down, they can only go once.. as one man once put it...

And as an x-men fan having watched characters I love die again and again for stupid reasons, especially int he placeholder run right before house of x, this was so satsifying. Everyone the x-men had lost, every character I loved who was gone and forgotten.. they were back or would be back. And thanks to Krakoa they were thriving: By giving mutantkind a homeland instead of a headquarters, a nation given to one of their own because he demanded itbasically, or an island fortress designed to give a dying species refuge, they have a goregous sentient island (I’ve always loved krakoa for the record though I wonder what happened to his clone son), with abundant food, teleporting gates across the world to visit wherever they like or live in the various worldwide habitats if they please, and peace and security they’ve neve rknown. No more being woken up to get to a panic room because a sentienl attacked. No more having religious maniacs blow up busses containing your tine. No more having the vast majority of the superhero community do nothing as a fucking plauge cloud wipes out your species. Anything apporaching krakoa now has hundreds of the most powerful beings alive defending all mutants.. and that includes the worst of the worst, all given amntesty.. but they must tow the line or else be given a fate worse than death. After years of pain and suffering and misery mutantkind is free safe and happy. They still have to fight to get the rest of their kind out of racist hands and to saftey, the fight’s not over.. but now the odds are in mutantkinds favor. It’s paradise. And yet this mini, and this whole run dosen’t run from tough issues; The mutants are now isolationists and only mutants are allowed on krakoa itself.. on the one hand this is a bad idelogy and potentially dangerous, instead of fighting for harmony fighting for my land alone.. but it’s also see why Mutantkind has taken to it. The X-Men have tried for at the least a decade in universe and at the most and most likely 15 years to live in harmony, fight for mankind and make peace with them.. and only a small chunk has acutally tried to help them with that. The other large fraction? They either build death machines to try and wipe out all mutants, and in the case of Cassandra NOva who while not a human is still a racist genocidal bitch, SUCCEED in wiping out a large chunk, or do nothing while mutantkind suffers. The series forces you to think about the implications that marvel comics themselves previous ignored: That with all the superheros in this world who arent mutants.. more often than not htey’ve done fuck all when terrible shit happens. When Genosha died, not a one asked the x-men what happened or tried to hunt down those responsible. When Decemation happened, the avengers were more concerned with helping the x-men cover it up than helping them move on and did nothing as the goverment made xavier’s into a reservation, even after regrestration happened and the goverment had more heroes than ever to spare to helping them. When the T-Mist happened years later instead of stopping terrigin or asking the inhumans to stop it for the good of another race, the rest of the heroes just did fuck all. Sure the avengers were on a budget and the ff were asbent, but there were enough heroes in the world still and enough teams to do something about it and only the ones with mutants on them did!. IT’s hard to say “well you shoudln’t exclude them”.. when the rest of superhero kind has been subtly doing it their whole lives. But it dosen’t shy away from the claims of racial superiority the isoaltion or the fact the x-men basically sued for nationhood by making requiring recognizing their nation hood the price for trading for their life saving and extending, world changing drugs, which you would still need to buy. There’s other issues, one that i’ll get to in a moment as it was only revealed in x-men. Various characters, Corsair in issue one of the ongoing, the fincial summit in issue 4 and the ff both in house of x #1 and ff/x-men, all question this and some of the ethics. Hickman brilliantly decides instead of just painting the x-men as absolute moral rights, to show their new nation warts and all: the genuine good their doing and trying to do but also the price they have to pay for it and the mistakes they may be making. And the compromise necessary to build a nation. It’s all chiling, compelling shit that’s even more releveant in a time when bigotry is piling up like crazy. Both house and x-men, which i’ll get to in a second, ask questions with no easy answers and it makes them a compelling read. Also compelling is the two mini series use of flashbacks: The two previous moira timelines, which we learn are just that as we go, are compelling with the apoclaypse timeline having loveable heroes were are heartbroken to see die in the struggle, while the last timeline seemingly sees the mutants turn as bad as the humans.. only to peel back a layer at the end and reveal humans are still very much the real monsters, and them evolving via machine is a threat to mutant kind's natural evolution. It was a good story twist and of course there’s FAR more to dig into in both books, and I defintely will at some point in the future as I said. But there’s tons of great ideas here: Sinsiter not only being a mutant but a reluctant ally, the same of apocalyspe, the heavy questions I got into above, the idea of machines being mutants greatest threat which makes a ton of sense, and the various ones I already went into. I can’t gush about this book enough, but since this is already long enough i’m trying. The point is both mini series are great and how you do a self contianed event perfectlY plenty of consequence, plenty of scope but enough character and brilliant ideas and a FUCK TON of quotable and iconic lines, all blend into one of the very best series i’ve ever read. And lead directly into..

X-Men I talked about a lot of what this book represents above as it’s a direct continuation of the above, but the book on it’s own is still something diffrent. while it continues setting things up, playing with the new toybox hickman set up, and asking the tough questions, x-men does it in a diffrent way. House and Powers bounce around through time while all telling one huge story and one huge bundle of setup for this status quo. X-Men instead is a bunch of single issues. It’s still a ton of setup, though with enough payoff to house and powers that it at least so far hasn’t become tedious, especailly since hickman specifically has plans for all of it and has shown in the past he’s a long game man when it comes to storytelling, but through more action packed stories that, with the exception of mistque’s spotlight issue so far, have one shared element: Cyclops, aka Scott Summers, who as grand captain of krakoa is the nation’s ruling council’s go to guy for missions and who he himself can form any team he once for any mission. Cyclops, like the x-men hadn’t been treated well for years; Various characters lambasted him after the phoenix force drove him mad and lead to him killing charles xavier, and before that his run as leader of utopia, not helped by x-force painting him as a cold heartless dickweed, had him forced to make questionable decisions that made fans turn agains thim despite the hard position he was in. But now with the burden of absolute leadership of mutantkind in other hands, HIckman writes scott beautifully and has restored him to his proper place. WIth Xavier taking over as absolute leader of mutantkind and his race no longer hanging by a thread for the first time in years scott can relax and ENJOY himself. As the first issue shows he has everything he ever could have possibly wanted: A healthy marriage with Jean again, and an open one at that with him free to still see emma and Jean openly seeing Logan. Logan himself no longer trying to murder scott for his mistakes or kill his teenage self due to bad writing, but being his best friend again and also living with him and presumibly having threeways because they have connected bedrooms and of course jean would want both at once. Maybe they also just fuck each other sometimes again the details haven’t exactly been clear but it’d explain the tension disappearing. Maybe the schism would’ve ended quicker if Cyclops and Wolverine just fucked each other after children of the atom. Hey not every question is a deep personal one on krakoa sometimesm it’s just “Are these two fucking and could it have solved things faster in the past if they did?”. Also I almost forgot to mention, and added this near the end of writing this, in additoin to everything else scott now lives ON THE FUCKING MOON, on the blue area with a breathable atompshere, on a moon house with his family and fuckbuddy and Vulcan’s buddys. It’s fucking amazing. But moving back to other things scott’s gotten besides logan’s wang up his butt, as seen in issue one thanks to the gates his dad can now visit anytime, his brothers live with him with Vulcan going from genocidal dickweed to weirdo thanks to his experinces between his “death’ and this series, and he’s just. happy. And as a leader he takes the x-men on thrilling missions: the series combines action with character and worldbuilding and it is great. The worldbuilding part has been tremendous; we’ve seen new foes in the returning children of the vault and horticulture, aka what if the golden girls were tv ma, and also plant based supervillians plotting a better future for mankind that krakoa’s drugs clash with. We’ve seen nimrod creeping close, charles and magneto not playing ball with mystique start to backfire, the return of krakoa’s lost love, and in my faviorite arc, we’ve seen broo, one of my faviorite x-people and intellegent brood, eat an egg and thus become god emperor of the brood, not only giving the vicious race a chance to reform but giving the x-men a huge advatange in space, doubeldby events we’ll get to in a second. And biggest of all we saw the crucible: Since those depwoered by the decimation can get power back by dying again, and to prevent overworking the five with mass sucidies krakoa came up with a nasty solution,: earning resurection via ritual combat. And like the above there aren’t easy answers to this: mass sucidie isn’t better or faster, but having mutatns forced to EARN repowering by dying brutally isn’t a great solution either and is kind of sick. And it also opens up questions about ressurectoin that Nightcrawler feels made need reegion to answer htem. It’s again good heavy instreating stuff. We also got my faviorite issue #4 where the x-men go to a fincial summit, and while security detail cyclops and gorgon fight off hired goons...

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Xavier, Magneto and Apocalypse discuss with world leaders about the implications of krakoa’s policys, with Magneto not hiding his love of flexing his superiority. And Charles ends the confrence, after it’s revealed one hired them in an utterly masterful moment: Taking off his helmet to reveal no this is charles, this is him and that even after they tried assintating him he has and always will love humanity he’s just sick of being treated like crap and suffering for doing it and his people suffering for it and he won’t tolerate this sort of shit again. See it for yourself it’s an absolute triumph:

It’s a great scene. Overall an utterly great title that really keeps the momentum moving and I feel is only setting up for even more things.. the only real issue is that A) the title’s been slower at coming out than the other dawn of x titles, though in the case of the empyre tie in’s it’s not hteir fault but the rest sure as shit are, and B) that it has mostly been just setup but it’s been good enough and enjoyable enough and I feel payoff is coming, so I truly don’t care. At long last we have a main x-men book that’s not only fantastic but uttterly engaging and I read most issues multiple times. An utter slam dunk

Giant Sized X-Men: This one is incomplete, so I can’t fully say what the full picture is.. but for the three released so far it’s a mixed bag, though the art in all three is gorgeous as Hickman brought on the best artists in the buisness but it’s telling that while New Mutants bellow had issues that bugged me but was still kinda fun, and the above havem y utter priase I nearly forgot to include these issues. None of them are bad and all have gorgeous art as I said, these are some of the best in the buisness, they feel padded. These were supposed to be annuals, but when they decided to change this to one shots.. they shoudl’ve just made them regular length instead, as there simply isn’t enough story here to fill them and so far only Davis’ issue has both had huge setup (both revealing doug’s fusion with warlock is a secret for some reason and that he is indeed still fully alive and revealing what happened to the x-mansion), and due to Davis background as a writer/artist the pacing to fill one issue and even then it could’ve been trimmed. Not bad and I don’t fault the artists for not being used to being writer/artists or having to do so while also conforming to a larger narriative which likely didn’t help or in the third one’s case having to take over for someone else entirely, but it’s , while not bad no ton par with the two above books and I expect better from hickman.

New Mutants (HIckman’s Issues) I’ll cover Brisson’s issues next time as they feel like a diffrent run entirely, but New Mutants was.. a disapointment. I was utterly pumped for this title going in being a huge fan of the team thanks to finally reading the claremont and sikenwitz run and before that re-reading abnett and lannings utterly great run and hey jonathan hickman who’d already done gangbusters was writing it! It had a great roster!

And it starreed one of hickman’s faviorite mutants and one he’d taken a shine to on avengers, and one of my faviorite superheros, Roberto DeCosta, aka Sunspot. On Avengers hickman took Roberto , already a decent character and made him amazing. He was still rich, young and a playboy as ever.. but he used said wealth and his love of fun wisely. When undercover at an AIM casino instead fo throw down, he offers the agents a free day of partying and gambling on his huge dime, then puts them on payroll as his undercover agents. So to recap Roberto DeCosta won the avengers two valuable double agents in what at the time was one of their biggest threats.. by buying them tons of beer and gambling and presumibly hookers. And later got the loyatly of the rest of AIM through these guys, and when Steve found out tony betrayed him and went off hte deep end hunting him instead of stopping the end of the goddamn world, TOOK OVER AIM HIMSELF IN COMBAT WITH THE AIM SUPREME, and then formed his own avengers.

Literally. He got his own avengers team, most of which left after the apocalypse but he simply found younger and hungrier replacements, and aim.. with blackjack and hookers. The man is a legend. And knowing Roberto if hookers were actually involved he probably treated them with respect and overpayed them because he’s a class act. Then under Al Ewing’s mighty pen, Roberto not only formed another avengers team since most of the avengers he formed to stop the end of the world were busy elsewhere, of young and great avengers, while dying of the aformentioned death cloud, but became an utterly brilliant chessmaster, only failing ONCE becaue of hydra cap getting into his head while AIM was working for the us goverment towards the end as the USAvengers. And yes that’s a real team. It’s as insane and beautiful as it sounds. And his new avengers once fought american kaiju, a godzilla with a flag painted on it chaning usa. Al Ewing is the best and I love him. But he also became a master stratigest and schemer with schemes within schemes within schemes, his crowning one being faking his own death and using his fake funeral to clear out any remaning enimies in AIm, and only quitting AIM to keep it out of goverment hands and in the hands of a trusted friend. He was and still is one of the best avengers there ever was and ever will be. But here, as the new mutants go on a road trip to get sam? He’s a fucking dumbass who hires the worst space laywer possible, only gets off trial because Sam and his wife save them, glad they weren’t broken up by the way, and is utterly useless most of the time. It’s like HIckman forgot the last part of his run.. granted time runs out isn’t very good but still, that wasn’t a good thing to forget and like Hickman wants to ignore ewing’s work for no damn reason, even though Ewing did great things with Roberto and kept him relevant when marvel was choking the x-men to death. It’s fucking embrassing and disapointing to see. The rest of the New Mutants aren’t much better mostly being happy but also not really acting like themselves, with only mondo really standing out since he gets great moments and hasn’t done anything in a while. And Doug, who I negelcted to mention above is one of my faviorite mutants and thanks to being krakoa’s primary method of commuincation, is now one of krakoa’s most important mutants, has a seat at the council with krakoa, and weirdly has his best friend warlock hiding on his arm for reasons that haven’t been explained yet. In Short doug went from beign forgotten to being used awesomely again. Roberto instead of getting the same is set back as a character and ends the arc deciding to stay in space because he misses sam, and will likely become third in his marriage i’m sure, and wants to bone deathbird, x-men villian and frequent shiar usuper. But while rahne actually being happy is a good sight to behold they , except Dani, really dont’ do much. Though Magik gets a fucking amazing scene where she asks the various assasians sent ot kill them if they want to make out , not only revealing she’s bi, but that she’d prefer that to killing them all but does so when they dumbly refuse .. I mean seriously who, whose not in a relationship that’s open or way older than her, not take her up on that? The plot their thrust into isnt’ great either, mostly just more setup but not present as well as in x-men about Gladiator giving the shiar empire to xavier’s daughter.. yes charles has a daughter that was created from his and his ex wife lilandra, whose still dead’s dna, and letting DEATHBIRD Of all people teach her instead of his damn self. Xandra taking over isn’t a terrible idea it’s just handeld poorly. It just feels disapointing.. like hickman WANTS to do a JLI style book here but the combination of him only doing one arc and not really wanting to write the characters as they should be, an issue that only pops up here and in the new mutants cameo during x-men proper and not for doug ever, that makes it fall falt.. I mean there are utterly great moments like the above, and hte image i used to lead off their just stifled by misusing roberto and everyone else.

But overall hickman’s works on x-men are fucking great, intresting and engaging. I’ve read the issues a ton and will again. One small mistep dosen’t take away from all the large good he’s done and he’s made the franchise feel alive again and hopefully the MCU take on it will take after this run, as it’d be a great way to break from the endless xavier vs magneto battles of the fox universe. So yeah overall 2 great books and a thankfully short misfire, HIckman’s on top. And next time we’ll see who he picked to help him carry the x banner home to us all, and who did well with it and whose stumbled a bit as part two delves into the rest of the dawn of x. For now subscribe for more comics stuff as I plan to get back on that, including I hope a restrospective on the fox era x-men sometime soon, animation reviews, and more fun stuff. And until then, courage.

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