#i heard its already angsty af | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lazypanartist · 2 years

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Hi im Already Back but please imagine for ROTTMNT:

[This one is kind of angsty with a nice end but talks about child neglect, so if you dont think its something youre up for, its A-okay if you toss this out!!]

Big ol Punk Reader, Super Intimidating, Mean AF looking dude.

The boys had all long accepted thats just how they Look, it doesnt mean theyre terrible or anything. Reader is actually really chill and funny. Emotional vulnerability from themself however, never really seems to happen. But theyre a good listener, and have shockingly good advice usually! Mikey has tried Doctor Feelings-ing it up with them but it just lead to them talking in circles.

(The two ended up having a whole conversation where the youngest found himself venting about how he wished his brothers wouldnt let problems bottle up and build. It still mystifiedhim about how it turned around on him.)

One night though, when most of the teens had crashed in the living room after a movie marathon, Leonardo woke up thirsty. It was late, everyone was asleep as he picked his way around snoozing lumps wherever they laid and made way to the kitchen where he heard...Talking?

Quietly, the red eared slider peeked his head around the doorway to see Reader and Splinter, quietly chatting over tea.

('Oh yeah,' the ninja thought, 'Reader mentioned having sleeping issues and that smells like valerian, mint and chamomile. Nice pick dad.')

The teen was going to duck in, grab some water, maybe his own cup of tea, in and out real quick. He was going to, really. But...he happened to catch a bit of conversation and found himself... accidentally eavesdropping.

Whoopsie.

"-and he fell off the board. Slid down the whole ramp on his back. You would have thought someone beat him with a pipe with how bloodcurdling his scream was. I nearly had a heart attack!"

Leo remembered that day. That was how the gouge in the ramp's wood happened. Leo himself was bawling his eyes out when Raph took that tumble.

Reader laughed softly, lightly patting the old rodent's hand at the story. "Oh I bet New Dad Splinter never ran so fast in his life, eh?"

"I swear, you'd mistake me for a cheetah mutant for how quickly I booked it. Luckily my son was fine, physically, but that slip shook him up."

"Poor dear..." You murmured, taking a sip.

" nng...Nardo..?"

Leo hushed Donnie, covering his twin's mouth and glancing back, making sure they weren't caught.

...Coast Clear.

"Mmh, he had nightmares the few days after it. "

"Yeah, I remember having something like that happen to me.-"

Donnie couldnt help getting wrapped up in the two's conversation himself. Something about the trip through memory lane just cemented him to the spot.

When Michelangelo found them both, the twins were easily able to convert the youngest to their cause of listening to old stories about themselves and occasionally one told by Reader here and there. Raphael was dragged over and the four of them watched the scene play in the late night haze.

And then...it happened.

Splinter was laughing, paw covering his mouth to stifle himself as Reader almost sprayed tea from their nose, coughing and snickering about a story involving Leo and him thinking he was a Big Boy and staying up and watching a horror movie far too young and sleeping in his dad's bed for a week.

(The blue clad turtle wanted to melt into the shadows and never return. It didnt help that Raph kept patting him comfortingly and Donnie made a snide comment about zombies passing him over.)

"Did you ever do something like that? None of my other sons have. I wonder if its an ego thing..."

"Nah...I um...well I was never close with my folks."

Raph felt Mikey start bouncing in place. Here it was. This was it.

"Oh, dear...I'm sorry to hear that. May I ask why..?"

Reader sighed finally, using a napkin to sop up the spill on the table. "You know...I ah..I don't talk about it much, s-so...I'm emancipated from my parents. Have been for a while. My folks just kinda...Forgot I was there a lot. Weren't ever around. It's. Not really um. A fun memory or story. They just never wanted a kid and, when I was old enough to take care of myself, well...I was sorta left to my own devices."

Their father's whiskers twitched with his frown. "Oh child...may I ask, how old-"

"Six."

The brothers felt cold.

Michelangelo wanted to be sick at the thought of a little Reader running a house by themself. Using a stove far too young. Battling with unweildy kitchen knives.

Leonardo remembered the walks to Reader's apartment. The few nights they crashed there. No wonder they never seemed worried about getting caught.

Donatello felt his hands shake at the idea of being all alone like that. No one to help you. No one to support you. Alone, well and truely, and having to rely only on yourself.

Raphael's mind was barreling a mile a minute as tears pricked his eyes. He hoped they would be okay. He hoped this would be what the punk needed.

Splinter felt his blood boil, and he couldnt help his nails digging into the table.

Six.

/Six./

He listened politely as Reader talked a bit more, trying to skirt around such an obviously heavy topic like the White Star cruise liners skirted around misfortune. He listened as his anger forged fires that couldnt be tempered. The thought of any of his sons being left at so young, it made him sick...!

Ooh, those wretched people better hope he never meets them...

"-Splinter..?"

His eyes snapped open, locking back with their own. Silently they squeezed his hand, tears welling up but not falling.

(He wished they didn't have to be so strong. Strength could be it's own weakness.)

"Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked about it-"

('Even now, you try to instead comfort others than seek it out yourself...-')

"Tell me."

They blinked, glancing down as his other paw came down, sandwiching the human's before simply clutching it between both.

"Please, if you wouldn't mind. Tell me. I will listen."

They stared quietly, before, shakily, continuing some of the story. Splinter could tell they ducked and dodged sea mines and ice bergs and rocky cliffs as they quested for harbor, longing to finally find port in the cold storm of their emotions with no light house to shine through the dark.

Splinter and his sons found they would all gladly stand out on that dock, lanturns in hand, in order to guide them home. Back to them.

They listened. Reader didnt need to tell everything, but they would listen to what they would part with, tucking it away in their memories and hoping that this one hard, difficult vulnerability would open you up to many more easier ones.

Finally, when dawn broke, the Reader's dam had too. They listened as their friend cried, Splinter never letting go of that hand. This had been a lot. They needed this.

When all was said and done, they sniffled loudly and wiped snot and streaked make-up on their hoodie sleeve. Gross, raw, an abolute mess.

Docked safe, lead by lamplight through the fog.

"Thanks, Splinter."

"Anytime," the rat murmured, giving their shoulder a squeeze. His hand still cupped their own, tea long forgotten.

"You're a good dad."

The mutant huffed, patting their head. "I try."

"I doubt it."

He fought to keep a grin off his face. It didn't work. "You're just trying to butter up your future Father in Law."

The brothers, proud of showing so much restraint not barging in the kitchen as soon as your sobbing began, felt a bucket of ice water get dunked metaphorically down their spines. All eyes flicked to Leo's who shook his head and shrugged. He must have missed this conversation.

The reader scoffed lightly and sneered, batting the hand away. "Oh I get it. See if I ever ask you for dating advice again, old man."

What a hell of a story to miss. The brothers all felt their brains whirr with ideas and conspiracy about which of them it could be. Why it would be him, why it couldnt be them, why it couldnt be him but it might be another.

Splinter barked a laugh, yanking on one of their piercings tauntingly. "Careful. My son might think you're a new training dummy with all these holes in your ears."

"Oh, shove off." They gave a warbly smirk, before it fell into an easy, soft smile.

The four eavesdroppers found, regardless of who it was, no matter what, they would be there for the Reader. It was easy. It was them. They'd do it in a heartbeat.

"Thanks again, Splinter."

Notched ears flicked idly towards the doorway. He needed to teach his sons how to eavesdrop better. And maybe get another hug sometime soon.

The old master gave a softer smile in return up at the punk. He knew he'd pluck up a lanturn for you. He longed for the day your lighthouse lit, but he understood that would take time. But until then, he'd take up the light.

"Anytime, dear."

He and his sons would light your way, anytime.

Oh, wow!

I actually don't think there's anything I could add to this.. really succinct!

(Sorry for sounding like a 10th grader English teacher, but this is Perfection™)

#kana's chats #submission answer #rottmnt #x reader #rottmnt x reader #xreader #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles

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youve-doomed-us-all-jerk · 1 year

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man of steel watch 2023😁(long af reactions under the cut lmao copied from twitter)

fuck it you already know

still wonder what zacks plan was with the codex🤔🤔🤔was it just there to thematically be him carrying the kryptonian refugees or was there more

still crazy that zack in his unsubtle way made the villain colonizing eugenicists and people got mad at him for saying the appropriate response was killing them lol

minor thing but appreciate jor not saying anything when zod was pleading that lara abort the launch, just a look, he trusts her, feel like thats paralleled with clark and lois's relationship later, again minor but superman medias all about speeches so lmao

"his name is kal, son of el and he is beyond your reach"🥺

lara's theme is so good

the pan to his abs, zack knew the demographic he was reaching for

the worlds too big scene😭😭

if i saw a big breasted man run boobily across a lawn and steal some clothes i wouldnt snitch

he aint need to throw ross out the water like that but he uses words like dicksplash so he deserves it

😭😭😭(got nothing to say about the "maybe" scene, im tired lmao)

forgot how many emotional hits they roll out so early in the movie lmao

lmao remember when people said ludlow wouldnt try to fight clark cuz he was huge, cuz as we all know toxic masculinity definitely doesnt make men act stupid and vile lol anyway proud of clark for fucking up his truck sexual harassers deserve nothing

its her lois lane shes here

genuinely didn't know joe was clark for my first 3 views of this movie lmao

the flashlight to clarks laser eyes transition was cool(so was the pod landing in the farm transitioning to the boat crashing against a wave scene)

super buff sexy drifting doctor clark kent

fuck this nerd who sold lois out after she gave him info. zack was already laying the seeds of the media being dicks from this one blogger lmao

"and kal, that's my name "🥺

jor-el's power point presentation let's go

do remember someone in good faith(hopefully lol)saying jor was "glorifying" colonization when he spoke "fondly" of the era of expansion of krypton, and maybe fair though that could also be why he and lara chose not to escape with kal, the whole they were a part of the problem

genuinely fav supes suit I get the desire to have the ma kent suit but i cant see it anymore as anything other than him reassuring his loyalty to earth(america) to the gatekeepers, martha had a whole lifetime with him let him have one of the few connections to his culture he has

first flight😃😃😃😃

seeing this for the first time as a teen and finally understanding "you'll believe a man can fly"

no superhero media has done flying as good as this, not even bvs or zsjl theres just something about MoS's flying that makes my brain light up

don't forget lois lane figured out clarks identity(b4 he even went public) without luther or bruce's resources, smartest bestest investigator in dcu🗣🗣🗣

should they have had a younger actor play 18 yr old clark in the argument with jonathan in the car scene, maybe, though cavills teen angsty" i didnt say that!" and "you're not my dad !>:(" voice was p believable lmao

the way she drops the biggest story cuz her kindness is as big as her drive to get the truth, no wonder she's what inspires him

ngl recently heard laurence fishburne in moon girl and devil dino and the whiplash between his 2 performances lmao

seeing the butterfly trapped in the chain has new meaning now

soundtrack: *hits those mos piano notes* me everytime:

well maybe for a little bit⚰⚰⚰

you think swanwick was watching the your are not alone message and thought it was a cliche

the military people behind the glass watching these two flirt right in front of them

when he breaks the cuffs while standing up😛😏

"it did to me"

maybe love is real idk

the ship atmosphere thing was such a good way to foreshadow kryptonite lmao(yes did still take notes while my twitter was down lmao)

Jor-els fun informative power point presentation vs zod's very bad no good drug trip

clarks mind vision of himself is literally still a farmboy idk why people still think he isnt "connected to his humanity" in the iteration lmao

black suit but with no silver to symbolize pure darkness, death and to make him look the same as zod

though not to jump to zsjl but we know zack had to smuggle the black suit in with the metal padding and post color editing in that movie do wonder if he was gonna go with a totally different design if he had complete control, maybe capeless, pure metal for the silver and a beard? do also remember him teasing the long hair in one interview lmao

watching superman sink into a mountain of skulls really rewired my teenage brain since i only knew of him from pop culture at that point ngl

will say kinda funny that clark is clearly torn up about killing while lois was just blasting kryptonians blam blam🔫🔫🔫girl boss

the escaping the ship ost is so good😩why wasnt it on the official soundtrack, i know theres a good youtube ver of it but lmao

ok starting to think the jor colonization criticism wasn't in good faith cuz clark does kinda bring up the whole "do you agree with zod about wiping out humans???" thing lmao

clark saving lo in the escape pod scene got me tense af in the theater

"YOU THINK YOU CAN THREATEN MY MOTHER?!" still goes hard

do like when clark is a lil petty lmao "cranky cuz your momma didnt teach you to not be overstimulated hmm"

neat little quirk clark does in all of zacks movies, before he gets in a serious fight theres usually a shot of him clenching his fist lmao

nam-ek popped the pilot like a blueberry

faora's so cool

my man fighting for his life in this ihop in front of all his old friends too

flying really was his one advantage against these soldiers and he loses that when he fights zod too they really put him thru it on his first day😭

faora made him waste all his bullets, wait till he pulled out a knife and then pulls out a bigger one like

like to think zack having the military drone strike smallville is a parallel to when the US did it to the african village in BvS

yeah big floaty alien thing in the middle of the city may be a lil overdone now but half dont look as good as how zack did it back then

world engine sound design so sexy too😋

zacks cape porn👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

oh god🥺best scene, yes am getting emotional, scene means a lot to me

also kinda weird when zack does invoke the moses allegory people arent like "he's literally saying supes is moses!" like they do with jeezy creezy and his imagery lmao he's literally looks like he's parting the sea here lmao

in the wider snyderverse am realizing theres more moses stuff you can connect to even if the timeline is wonky and its not 1:1, obviously darkseid is the pharaoh with his whole enslavement thing, him turning supes to his side could be interpreted as ramses and moses

in this way zod, who believes in kryptons removal of "free choice" like jor and lara said, is the guard moses kills when he sees him mistreating one of his people

and the destruction of the genesis chamber and the other kryptonians being sucked back into the phantom zone could be an allegory for when god killed the first borns of egypt, no moses expert tho so could be reaching lol but fun connections, tangent i know lmao

oh also rather than a race thing it becomes more that clarks "people" are the ones who believe in free will and choice while darkseid and zods dont lmao anyway

"krypton had its chance!" still to this day lives in my mind rent free

lmao love that lois and clark are just horny for each other no matter who is watching not the military not lois's coworkers or the other survivors

zod's monologue👨🏽‍🍳👌🏽

to this day idk if i can think of a cbm fight thats topped superman vs zod, just in like raw visceral action and the fact they actually have stakes in it

thinking about how i remember shannon telling zack "as long as my suit isnt cgi i dont wanna wear those pajamas" or something and zack said yeah and then it was lol

my superman hates and constantly destroys military drones

and welcome to the planet! Glad i watched this again after so long, definitely needed that, hopefully work lets up enough for me to watch the rest of the trilogy✌🏽

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its-deputy-caleb · 3 years

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could you write how lords would react if Ethan killed the ray of sunshine lord you wrote earlier? how they would treat Ethan if they know that he killed their favourite person? will karl still propose him to team up? i really love these headcanons you wrote and i just want more <3333 plant soft lord is the best.

Firstly i want to say a huge ✨THANK YOU ✨ to the 500 followers i have, i seriously wouldn’t be able to do it without y’all and the love and support has been amazing!! Here is the plant lord and there’s already a part one so go and read that first bc these directly relate to it! also this is angsty af but i’ve left it open ended for some more hc’s to come :)) enjoy!

Alcina Dimitrescu

When Alcina learns of your death she is not the only one to mourn you. The whole Dimitrescu family is devastated and heartbroken at the loss of such a beautiful soul like you.

She’s filled with rage that some man-thing could just take away someone so powerful yet so kind. When her screaming finally stops, Bela can be heard crying in her room and at family dinner that night everyone is silent. It’s just not the same without you.

Alcina has a grave made for you, one with a large headstone and surrounding it she laid beautiful flowers from the indoor garden you all made together as a family.

While she grieves for you, Alcina notices how strange it was for moss to grow around the surrounding stones so quickly but grief had clouded her mind to really think or notice too much about it.

She becomes even more protective of her daughters, not wanting to see them suffer the same fate you did. Alcina promises you that she would kill Winters on sight if she ever ran into him again.

Donna Beneviento

Donna has never taken death too well and losing you was no exception. She feels completely empty without you, not even Angie can comfort her sometimes with how much she misses you.

When she saw what Ethan had done to you it felt like apart of herself died with you. Donna spent the next few hours crying into your chest, begging someone to bring you back but she knew it was no use when the flowers and grass you were laying on turned to ash underneath you.

With the help of her dolls she manages to carry you back to the forest where she lays you to rest under a huge willow tree. She places one last kiss to your forehead before she lays down the doll she made for you.

Donna spends a lot of time in the forest after that as a way of staying close to you. Somehow when the trees blow in the wind it feels like you’re hugging her.

In the forest, Donna finds little white flowers appearing all over, the exact ones you used to grow from your palm. She leans down to pick one and tucks it behind her ear as she remembers how you used to give them to her.

Salvatore Moreau

Your death was one of the most painful things Salvatore has ever felt. He can’t even bring himself to feel angry at Ethan when all he feels is numbness from your death.

His heart sinks when he sees the lush and green scenery around the reservoir being to rot and die, the view now resembling what it looked like before your arrival only somehow much more gloomy.

The trees no longer have leaves and are left hollow and dead inside. The grass that you used to spend hours laying on, watching the clouds together is faded and grey. All these things remind Sal just how much he misses you.

Salvatore often sits by your grave which is up on the hill overlooking the reservoir. You said it was one of your favourite places because at sunset the water reflected the pink and orange sky, it was only fitting that your grave be there.

He’ll often talk to you and tell you about his day while he sits there, a coping mechanism if you will. But it usually ends with him bursting into tears as he realises you weren’t there with him.

While he’s lost in his grief and tears, Sal fails to notice how the dead tree which you’re buried next to begins to grow its leaves again, with beautiful pink blossoms growing on the top.

Karl Heisenberg

Karl is fuming, absolutely enraged that Ethan Winters, someone who he was willing to trust and team up with could go and take away someone so pure and precious to him.

It actually pains him to continue his plan to get revenge on Miranda, not only do all his Soldats have your nature-like embellishments but you were someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

There’s so much of you around the factory that his heart breaks just looking at the flowers, the vibes and the moss that are scattered throughout the dark hallways.

He figures the factory, a place that’s so metallic and industrial is no place for you to be laid to rest so he carries you to your home in the forest.

After finding a nice quiet spot near a stream, he brings his large hammer into his hands and disassembles it using his powers. He reworks the cogs and pieces of scrap metal to make a large metal wreath. Karl would’ve been upset at losing his favourite weapon if he hadn’t lost you first, besides he could always make another hammer, you were special.

When he places the wreath down, little vines and flowers grow in between the crevices of the metal. The action makes Karl break down on the spot as he cries, the action bringing up so many memories of the two of you together in his factory which now leave him feeling empty and as lonely as ever.

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #donna beneviento #donna beneviento x reader #salvatore moreau #salvatore moreau x reader #resident evil village #resident evil headcanons #resident evil 8 #resident evil #asks #prompt

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wroteclassicaly · 3 years

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Waves of Blue (Andy Dolan x Reader)

Warnings: Language, smut, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, rough sex, hair pulling, face slapping, slight choking, mentions of drug usage, & angst.

A/N : AAAAAAHHHHH! I have found the post that teaches you how to add a read more on mobile! Shoutout to the person who told me about that! You know who you are! ^_^ Anyways, I am so gonna be posting more, even if it’s harder because I have to write the fics on my phone, versus my laptop, lol. I stumbled across the song Waves of Blue by Majid Jordan, and my ass was emotional af (I have included some of the lyrics here in blue!) I obviously don’t own the song/lyrics!

The song was the kick one of my drafts needed for extra inspiration! And so, I bring you the start of this mini fic! It won’t be very many chapters. And I will probably re-visit for a prequel, to write out how the reader and Andy first hooked up. But I wanted to try something different and start my fic with their relationship already ongoing. Hopefully it doesn’t suck, haha.?

I haven’t felt this inspired for a Cody character since Michael Langdon! I adore Andy’s traumatic, cocky, angsty, hot mess ass! And I really wanna explore the creativity he’s bringing me! Lemme know what y’all think? And give the song a listen - I’m in in love with it!

Forgive me if there’s some mistakes, loves! I’m nervous about how I’ve written Andy, and how the smut is. Hope y’all enjoy anyways!

~*~

The rain is a glittering array of shimmering moisture as its presence is pouring down on the roof of your apartment. Your knees are knocked tightly together, jean fabric digging into flesh. Your phone is perched face down atop your legs, vibrating messages you don’t care to read. They’re not the ones that you want to see. You tilt your head back, the tears redirecting themselves down the sides of your cheeks. You turn your gazing direction to that silk robe atop your bed - a reminder.

“It’s just a fling, love.”

But it can’t be, can it?

You have to laugh at yourself. Isn’t this what every girl asks themselves when they’re dumped? Rare is an exception who steals the other person’s heart and changes that exterior they carry. Your phone vibrates again and that raging anger to match the ruby red color on his robe that rests on your bedroom sheets - it charges your energy like a violent strike of lightening! Your hand launches your phone into the hallway outside your bedroom door before you can stop yourself.

“There’s your fucking fling, dumbass Andy Dolan!”

You try to hum to fight off the incoming intrusive thoughts, to ignore your ringing phone in the distance, but it’s to no avail. You’re getting more overwhelmed with the pain by every agonizing second. Your fists clench into the leather armrests below. It’s too much, you can’t bear another second of this shit. It doesn’t matter that it’s raining, it doesn’t matter that you have over fifteen unanswered recent calls from Andy since you threw your phone - unbeknownst to you.

You snatch the stupid silk robe from its place and begin your knowing journey with the excruciatingly expensive item, having already made up your mind. A quick removal of your keys from the hooks beside your front room door and your bare feet seem to lead you - heart first - into the downpour. Your clothing is soaked the instant you step outside. Mumbling all the way to your SUV and clutching Andy’s silk garment becomes your saving grace to help anchor your focus. If one can be focused in bare feet during a thunderstorm, erratically throwing her car into reverse.

The drive to his place of privacy - his sanctuary - the cold place you once used to help him warm. It doesn’t take you long. With your tires grinding against soaking asphalt, country beach roads whipping past you, and your angry windshield wipers struggling to keep up with your car’s pace - Andy’s gates come into your sights. You’re trembling, too upset and geared to go for a turn around now. Andy didn’t change the security, so you let yourself in, abandoning your car just inside, doors open and interior carelessly being soaked.

It doesn’t matter. I just have to tell him this.

That’s your mantra for continuous approach. You round the long expanse of beautiful greenery, waves crashing violently in the distance, a love affair to collide with this storm. Your simple outfit of blue jeans and a baby blue tank top are beyond recognition, weighted down by the sopping wet summer. The shivering begins to thrum along to an invisible, but very present humming inside you. It’s that feeling, the one you know all too well.

Andy Dolan.

Like when you first met, you begin to tremble, letting your limbs move you accordingly. Making sense is last on the priority list. Normally, you would have a thousand conversational scenarios laid out, but that’s not the case. Rushed on purely raw need to tell him - no - inform him, that is what is in charge here. The soft grass is squishy between your toes, a tickle from each freshly mowed blade, water in the distance smelling like salt and flowing freedom.

Every sense is heightened for you right now. Your limbs are heavy, yet your footfalls are light, carrying you with a quick grace. You don’t bother with the front door, opting for his usual back door hang out. It’s a few more minutes before your destination is reached. That’s when you hear him screaming, his voice in high distress, hard and rough against the accent. Your chest heaves to cage hammering heartbeats that you can’t keep up with.

“Motherfucking ANSWER ME!” He shouts, ripping the phone from his ear to redial.

You rolls your eyes, assuming it’s a dealer, or whomever he would rather be with than you. After all, he’s the one who said he just needed an ideal situation, not a relationship.

“Y/N... come on, don’t be a fucking cunt! I need to tell you something, please!”

Almost on cue the song drops loud on his fancy speakers in the house, freezing you to your spot.

I wanna hold you close

Don't wanna let you go

Be with you night and day

'Cause I've been feeling so low

Don't have to ask me twice

You really take me there

I wanna touch your light

I wanna breathe in your air

Andy angrily taps at his phone again, almost growling, reminding you of a wild animal. That’s when you’re snapped into your remaining senses, moving up and onto his deck, standing just feet from him. It takes him a few seconds to look up and see you through the rain. You can’t bring yourself to go any closer, afraid to let go right away. That’s how it is with Andy, you always give in.

You cut him off before he even gets a chance.

“Fuck you, Andy.”

Damn, was that really what you worked up the courage to dangerously drive yourself here to confess?

His lips purse a popping a noise, eyes widening in surprise at your word choices.

“I really fucking hate you.” Is what you give him, finding it easier to take steps now.

He still doesn’t speak as you approach, almost as if he’s recoiling. That wild animal within Andy Dolan. He’s not used to this. You can barely see through the rain, feeling like a moron. The movies make it look so dramatic, but you feel like you’re a wet dog on the verge of catching a cold.

It does good at numbing you though, almost shielding you from those haunting blue eyes. You swipe a hand across your face to clear your vision, and take that final step onto the deck with him, now just on the other side of where he stands in the doorway. That’s when he decides to speak, his voice softer than you’ve heard. It echoes his exhaustion, his surprise.

“You’re not the only one that feels that way, Y/N.”

You shake your head in disbelief, both of you not daring to make that closing gap. You would douse his body with yours; wet and cold. You’d be lying if you denied the shiver that attacked you, drawing your body in like a magnet - helpless to its every move.

“Don’t give me this kicked puppy front. We’re all human beings, Andy. And I didn’t fucking deserve you cutting your baggage open and just... dumping out whatever you felt like on me and then letting me go.”

Fuck.

He inhales sharply, head tilting in this sadness you seem to understand within the moment. It steals your breath, a pain punching your ribcage, causing your heartbeat to skip a few. Your jaw twitches as you turn away to gather your bearings, starting back down into the yard.

Why the fuck did I come here?

I'll be holding you tight

When the night is through

Andy takes a deep inhalation behind you and that catches you, dragging you right back. Before you know which end is up you’re turning back around and striding across the pool deck and right into your former lover. Andy meets you in the harsh rains, his hands cupping your neck so possessively, that you can’t remember a time where this hot mess of a man wasn’t bull dozing your life apart. You grasp his face in your palms, that unshaven stubble prickling your flesh. Your mouth meets his, his phone becoming ruined and forgotten as he lets it fall to the ground beside him.

His strong arms path down to encircle your waist, pulling you in from the weather, bunching your t-shirt up until it’s pooling around your tattered bra. You raise your arms to help him discard it, the heavy wet noise it makes when it collides with a nearby pool chair is enough to make Andy gain his surroundings.

“Stop, stop. Are you fucking high?” He asks you, a cautious pause.

You shake your head. “Aren’t you?”

This is when he scares you with a solemn silence you weren’t aware he could possess.

“Andy...” You push your fingers through his damp curls.

“No, I’m not. I was just about to... when you didn’t answer.”

Almost as if he can’t take revealing that bit of truth, he thumbs a bra strap down your shoulder - deliberately slow. Your skin stings with the line of goosebumps that it brings, your own hands struggling to push that stupid ass identical robe off his broad chest.

“I should fucking rip this.” You say, causing a smile to come from him.

“Rip it and I’ll put you on your knees.”

“Has that ever stopped you before?” A challenging look presses your features, but Andy intercepts, wrapping your hair around his fist and pulling your hair back. You feel the ache crack from the tips of your toes, hot wired into your cunt - direct express.

“You need more marks from me.” His mouth caresses your jawline, stubble catching the underside when his lips find your neck, a stimulation that you have become accustomed to craving.

His teeth bite down, a few seconds more where you feel him cleaning his evidence with a light set of kisses.

“There we go.” He scrapes his milky white teeth across your ear with a whisper so hot that you bow into him; knees weak.

Your bra is the next thing to fall somewhere, your jeans following. Andy doesn’t wait for you to even kick them off, his fingers sliding into your lace panties to see how much you still need him. He licks his lips, eyes closing in pleasure, a familiar stroking rhythm unraveling from the tips of his fingers.

“Shit, that’s a good girl. Even when you hate me you still need me, don’t you?”

The cockiness makes your wrist snap and palm collide with his cheek. You’re riled up, he’s riled up. Something you know he likes. “Like you fucking needed that?” Is your retort.

He groans out, a honey wet dip in his tone. “Only you can fucking touch me like that, Y/N.”

Lightening flashes through the darkened midnight skies, rain pounding across the surface of the pool to create a special beat. Andy finds your mouth in desperation once more, working your underwear down in a frustrated jerk. His fingers part your slick folds and ease into you without any warning. You look down to watch his strong forearm flex in its working marathon, back and forth between your thighs.

We'll be riding the tide in the sky so alive

On waves of blue (waves of blue)

I'm in love with the thought of being in love

In love with you (love with you)

You can bring me along for the rest of your life

If you wanted to (wanted to)

You let go and give into him, not daring to question why you came here in the first place. You know why. Andy has stopped his touches, watching you with that lowered stare he gives. His body is glowing from the neon lighting his home harbors, his creamy skin glistening with rain water. He’s hard through those silk pants, nothing left to the imagination.

“Take them off. Now.” You command him.

He can’t hide the greedy smirk that appears on his lips, not taking his eyes off you as his pants and boxers disappear in one go. He is gloriously hard and thick. You almost want to laugh at your cliche salivating tongue. Andy brushes your wet hair off your temple, his hands moving down your body in a tapping massage - reaching their target to hook behind your thighs.

He lifts you with ease, your legs wrapping around his waist. He’s panting rapidly, nosing your neck. He grips himself, teasingly stroking your cunt to gather your arousal. You stutter on an exhale, unable to breathe out properly. It’s jagged and broken, much like your rationality.

You stop him when he attempts to press inside you. “Tell me again,” You plead. He looks at you in confusion. “Say I’m just a fling.” You finish.

“Y/N...” He struggles.

“Before you fuck me, I want you to tell me what I mean to you, Andy.”

It’s hard not to just fucking forget this and let go, let him take you, both of you get what you want and not have to deal with anything else. But you need to hear it. You want to know how much you’re not worth anything to him. You need to hear it more than you need to find out how much you mean to him. That’s what you came here for...

His enriching ocean eyes are glossy with desire, with something else you can’t place. They pin you into a set of shakes. You grip the hair at his neck’s nape.

“Everything.” He says it all at once, bringing your hand down atop his to help him line up, as he fucks himself into your cunt, stretching you with that delicious drowning burn.

You're no good for me

You got what I need

I just wanna be with you

You cry out, vision sprinkled with an array of floating shapes. Andy drives you against the door, hips slamming so hard you know you’ll be bruised before the night is through. You keep one arm around his neck, lowering the other to encourage him to hurt you deeper, nails clawing at his lower back, shredding the skin. His face stays buried in your neck, stubble adding to each motion he makes inside. You cling tight, using all your strength.

It’s slippery, it’s unstable, you can barely hold onto one another, but you manage. And that moment when you finally can’t keep yourself up, Andy lets you slide down, bringing you into the floor of the doorway, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, pressing in so hard you can’t contain the tears that roll from the corner of your eyes, coasting. He’s familiarized himself with how you come undone, even before you knew.

“You’re drenching my cock, baby. You need to let it go?”

You don’t answer, causing him to grip your throat.

“When I ask you something I expect an answer. You remember how this works, don’t you?”

“Fuck, yes! Please, Andy!” You don’t pride yourself now.

He guides a hand across you, as if he’s tuning a fine instrument. Your stomach quivers with a passing of his fingertips, engaging in a butterfly filled stomach clench. You’re tensing up, anticipating. Desiring.

“Fucking do it! Show me how much you still need this...” He trails off, dropping to rest his chest against your breasts.

“Even if you don’t need me.” It’s a counter thought to your need to hear him say he doesn’t want you.

“I’ll always need you.” You push him onto his back with newfound strength, and pin his hands above his head, your hips bouncing so hard that you can feel his firm structure beneath. That’s right, this is exactly what you have to have.

He’s damn near whining now, squeezing your fingers tightly. “Y/N.”

It’s a warning you don’t need. You lean down to steal a kiss, leaving him further winded, nudging his nose with your own, breasts smashed to between you two. Andy gives a silent agreement, dropping a hand down to quickly rub your clit. Your heartbeat is so out of control that you can’t hear anything but your own cries as you cum all over Andy’s cock. He follows with you, holding himself, keeping you there.

He’s shaking when it’s over. You can’t find coherent speech capabilities.

I'll be holding you tight

I'll wait this through

You stay resting on top of him, still keeping him inside. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you know that there’s no going back now.

This is just another beginning...

~*~

Tagging: @dark-mei-rose @confettucini @lovelylangdonx

Lemme know if y’all wanna be added to the tag list?!!!!

#andy dolan fanfiction #andy dolan fic #andy dolan x you #andy dolan x reader #andy dolan #eden fanfiction #eden #kristenwrites

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blindingdutchy · 3 years

Text

lamentation | SEVEN

{peter parker x fem!reader AU}

based on All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

SERIES MASTERLIST

word count: 4,000

warnings: fluff. angst. language. not even sure why i warn for angst anymore this whole story is just angsty af

18+!!! minors stay away!

In the following few weeks, you realized two things. One: Peter Parker was definitely not subtle. The other being that you were definitely in way over your head. There was no denying the stupid butterflies in your stomach anymore, or the way you found yourself expecting his touch before it even came.

It seemed as though the two of you were like magnets; a constant tug gravitating the pair of you back to each other with an unstoppable force. If you weren't together, he was on your mind, and like he could sense you thinking of him he'd be quick to reach out in some way or another. Be it appearing at your side, all happy grins and playful eyes, or calling your phone no matter the time with his stupidly adorable stutter--Peter seemed to think of you just as much as you thought of him.

The more that you thought of him, the more that you wished you didn't. It was terrifying. You wished that you could pull away again, to push him back out of your heart and lock those iron bars tight once more, but your heart had grown selfish and stubborn. It was as if you were the one locked out anymore; the control over your feelings slipping further and further from your clutches with every toothy smile Peter sent your way.

Like a magnet, he held you in place. Oh, to be held by... You slapped a pillow over your face and screamed, holding it so tightly that your nose ached and you couldn't breath. Peter Parker was like a disease. A stupid, all-consuming, utterly infatuating disease of the mind and the spirit.

You knew that you were wasting time, undoubtedly causing yourself to risk being late for school with every minute that passed as you continued to lay in your bed, but you couldn't bring yourself to get up. Already, your mother and father both had knocked at your door on multiple occasions and questioned if you were sick, and now you were regretting saying no. It would have been so easy to avoid him if you'd just played hookie.

But, with midterms in the near future, you knew it wasn't the best idea. The realization had come to you in the night. A moment so insignificant, so mundane, but it had been as if a switch were flipped in your mind. A light was turned on, so to speak, and illuminated all the thoughts and emotions you'd been so tirelessly repressing.

Talking on the phone with Peter was like a drug, and talking on the phone to him at night was a dangerous game. Under the dull light of a crescent moon and the ridiculous teddy-bear night light that was plugged into your wall, a lingering remnant of your sister's presence in the space, your inhibitions were always low. With sleepiness your walls were always lowered, and he'd unknowingly put a fatal crack in the foundation.

You rolled onto your stomach on your bed, kicking your feet through the air like a little kid as you fought back the grin that always seemed to worm its way across your lips when you were talking to him. "So, how do you like Ned and MJ?" Peter asked, and you could almost picture him mirroring your position as you heard the quiet rustle of blankets over the line. A little giggle bubbled out of your mouth at the thought.

What a sight that would be, Peter kicking his legs to and fro like a school girl in love. "They're cool. I kinda like that MJ doesn't even pretend to hide the fact that she thinks I'm weird. I don't--I don't know, it's refreshing I guess. Ned's sweet." you rambled, and it was the truth.

Ned and MJ were easily slipping into the fortress that shielded your heart with every passing day. Somehow, it wasn't as terrifying as you'd expected it to be. Perhaps that was because they didn't harbor a secret identity with which they risked their lives every single night, or maybe it was just because you'd come to realize that letting people in wasn't so bad. Not everyone was going to die on you.

Michelle Jones really didn't pretend not to think you were weird, not even a little bit. Her blunt and honest nature was a nice change from the quiet stares that seemed to follow your every move; MJ wasn't much for staring. Rather, she boldly told you what she was thinking without any shred of doubt.

And Ned, sweet Ned Leeds, was like a puppy personified. Always happy, always smiling, and always waiting to offer you compliments when you approached. You couldn't remember the last time someone had dared compliment your hair, your smile, or your outfits. Ned made it impossible to feel anything but comfort and joy in his presence, even his awkward nature was endearing.

"I'm glad." Peter hummed, "They really like you. To be honest, though, I kinda like it when it's just us. Maybe I should have waited a little longer to share you."

There was a pang in your chest at his words. Peter had been subtly flirting with you for days now, but this was more direct. He didn't have to come right out and say it for his implications to come across loud and clear, and that magnetic pull grew stronger.

So strong, in fact, that you murmured back, "I like it when it's just us, too."

If you had just kept your mouth shut, maybe he wouldn't have been so bold as to say, "Not gonna let them steal your heart from me, are you?"

The words were right at the tip of your tongue. Your heart was screaming, never! Nobody could ever steal me away from you, Peter! Yet, your mind was racing with a million and one horrible thoughts that made you feel as though your mouth was full of mud.

The silence between yourself and Peter grew thick as it drew on, no words escaping your lead-like lips. The voice in your brain, the one that sounded like your sister yet you knew was not her, was ringing in your ears. How could you ever fall in love, when she never could? How could you give your heart away, when she never had the chance?

You took that chance away from her. You stole it. This thing, whatever the weird force between the two of you was, was all stolen time, stolen opportunities, and stolen lives.

"Good night, (Y/N). I'll see you at school?"

You whispered, "Yes." The line went dead, and you felt cold.

Those simple words from Peter, with meaning and intention that was far from simple, were all it took to send the walls, bars, and barbed wire around your heart crumbling into nothing. With no protection, no barrier between yourself and the dangers of everyone else, your mind was working on overdrive. It would have been so easy to let him in, had that voice remained quiet, and yet you were steadily building those bricks back into place.

Now, all that was left to do was to steal your heart back. When had he managed to take it from you? Had he snuck in during the night, slipping through the strategically placed cracks and weak points he'd created, and stole away with it undetected? Had he taken it that first night, without you ever noticing?

As you finally released the pressure over the pillow on your face, sucking in a shaky breathe and letting all the heavy things crash over you again, tears burned your eyes. You didn't want to push Peter away. You didn't want to be the reason he was hurt, upset, or angry--you weren't ready to be the villain in his story.

"Mom?" you called out, knowing she was lingering close by.

Proving you correct, the door to your bedroom cracked open only seconds later and your mother's worried eyes fell upon your blinking ones. She definitely saw the troubled look on your face, the tears in your eyes, yet she held back from mentioning any of it as she asked, "Are you sick, honey?"

You nodded, the lump in your throat aiding your act as you croaked, "Yes. I don't feel good."

She frowned a little, knowing that you were bending the truth of the matter. Your mother was perceptive, and with the emotion all over your face, it easy for her to know that this wasn't some stomach bug or sore throat. To your relief, though, she resigned, "I'll call you out of school for the day. I'll be in my office if you need me."

Tomorrow, you could be the villain. For today, though, you were content to avoid your troubles and wallow in your self pity. At least this way you had some time to slip back into your stoic, cold demeanor before you had to face him. Time to prepare yourself to be alone again, because you knew that once you pushed Peter Parker away, Ned and MJ would be quick to follow him.

Sleep didn't come for you like you hoped it would. Well, it did, but then you found yourself dreaming of Peter and woke with a start. School had started an hour ago, and already there were a flurry of confused and increasingly alarmed messages from him lighting up your phone screen. Even though you couldn't hold back from reading them, you locked it before you found yourself replying as if on autopilot.

Pete: are you late

Pete: i'm at your locker

Pete: hello?

Pete: i'm going to class... see you there?

Pete: are you okay? you said you'd be here

Pete: at least let me know you're aldkhdkfj

You spent the day in your room, ignoring Peter and ignoring the world. Occasionally your mother would crack open your door to check on you, fussing over feeling your forehead despite the fact that you both knew you didn't have a fever, and tittering little comments about getting rest and staying hydrated. She knew you weren't sick, yet you were grateful she didn't try to pry.

As much as you wanted to tell her all of the things that were on your mind, the reasons that you were upset, you couldn't. You couldn't tell her all of the awful things you were thinking, and see the way her face would contort in anguish over you. You certainly couldn't listen to her telling you that it wasn't your fault, you weren't wrong for liking a boy, and your sister would want you to be happy. Even if you knew, in some deep part of your brain, that it was true.

Pete: got my phone taken in calculus sorry

Pete: I'm at lunch now, are you okay?

Pete: are you sick?

Pete: like... actually sick?

Peter really was relentless. You wondered how long it would take for him to catch onto what you were doing, or if he would at all. Would he understand why you suddenly gave him the cold shoulder? Would he understand, and be okay when you pushed him away again?

Pete: I'm in speech now.

Pete: we got the class to work on the speech and you're not here

Pete: not that we could do much anyways since you're so stubborn but still

Pete: okay what is going on

Pete: (Y/N)

Pete: please talk to me

Reading all of his messages kept the ache in your chest alive, stopping the numbness from creeping back in. You wished you could put your phone down, turn it off even, but it was like a cruel an addicting game to read each message as it arrived. You found yourself watching the little three dots as he typed another message eagerly, even if he was far from happy.

When school ended, he called. You let it ring each time, watching his name scroll across your screen over and over again until it ended. Once, twice, three times--he finally stopped calling, not leaving a voicemail.

For awhile, you wondered if that was it. Was he done? Had he caught on? Had he figured you out just as easily as he always seemed to do? Had Peter given up?

Pete: i know what you're doing

Pete: i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable

Pete: we can just be friends if that's what you want

It wasn't what you wanted, and that was the problem. You didn't want to be friends with Peter Parker. Well, you didn't want to just be friends with him. You wanted to know what his touch felt like when it was deliberate and welcoming, not the fleeting and curious brushes of his skin on yours. To be held by him, to taste his lips, to hold his heart in your hands like he already held yours--you wanted so much more than friendship with Peter, and that made you a thief and a fraud.

You: that's not what i want

You were weak. A weak, cowardly idiot is what you were, and you threw your phone on your bed with a groan as you realized what you'd done. The voice in your mind whispered insults, taunting you for being so easily broken.

Pete: what do you mean

You: i don't want to be friends with you Peter

Pete: oh

One simple word, and you realized he had taken that in a completely different way than you had meant it. Yet, you didn't correct him. You didn't explain that you meant you didn't want to just be friends. Maybe this was your chance--an easy way to kick him outside your walls without having to see it firsthand.

The chance didn't last long. A quiet knock sounded on your window, and your heart froze in your chest as you tried to sink deeper into your bed. It was the wind, you told yourself, until the knock sounded again and slightly louder. You could see the shadow on your floor out of the corner of your eye, and you buried your face into your pillow to block it out. If you ignored him, he would go away, and this would all be over.

After a few more knocks, it was silent for awhile, and you tempted a look at the floor only to frown at the sight of the shadow missing. He was gone, and you were alone again. Your lip quivered at the thought; what had you done? It was a mistake. This was a mistake.

You didn't want to push him away. You wanted him to hold your heart. You wanted Peter Parker as your friend, as more than a friend, hell, as anything as long as it was with you. But now? Going back on your word and dragging him back in again would be pathetic. He didn't deserve such treatment, especially not from you.

So, you pulled your pillow back over your face and let the tears fall. Your hot breath burned your eyes and made you feel sticky and gross, but you didn't care one bit. It felt cathartic to cry, like returning to a familiar place you'd been skirting around for ages. Crying over Peter was different than crying over your sister; the hurt was different, but one thing was the same: both were all your fault.

"Go away, mom." you whined, barely hearing the sound of your door unlatching over your muffled sniffles. It creaked further open, and you groaned, pressing the pillow harder onto your face, "Mom, please, I just want to be alone."

A throat cleared, and you froze. That wasn't your mother, the voice was deeper. The sound was still too light to be your father's, though, and that left one option that made your blood run cold. He didn't--did he?

He did. Peter pried the pillow out of your hands, all red cheeks and sad eyes as he stared at you in a sullen silence. "Why are you doing this?" he whispered, "Why are you pushing me away?"

You blinked at him, too paralyzed by the sight of his fluttering eyelids and pouting lips to speak. It must have been a sight to see you like that, your face red and blotchy, streaked with tears and snot that you'd been too lazy to wipe away. He didn't look away from your eyes, though, gazing into them with an intensity that dared you to look away.

Sensing that you weren't going to speak, he pressed on, "(Y/N), what is going on? I don't--It's okay if you don't like me back, I can deal with that. I want to be your friend, though. I thought you wanted to be mine, too."

Voice scratchy, you muttered, "I don't."

Something changed in him, and suddenly Peter was raking a hand through his hair as he frowned deeply. You wanted to smooth the crease between his brows, but you felt frozen. He was angry; he was angry with you, and he didn't hold back as he snapped, "That's bullshit, and you know it. If you didn't want to be friends, then why did you make that deal? Why did you let me make a complete fool of myself just to get your attention? Why did you let me introduce you to my friends? Stop lying to me!"

"I'm not!" you yelped, sitting up frantically and wiping at your face, finally. "I'm not lying, Pete!"

He threw his head back at the nickname, a sigh of exasperation forcing its way from his lips, nostrils flared. "I don't get you, (Y/N). I don't get you at all." he growled, facing you again with a heavy brow.

You gripped your blankets tightly, bunching them around your waist as you blinked at him with wide eyes. "I don't want to just be your friend, Peter!" you burst, "I don't want to just be your friend, and I don't know why. You make me feel all these things that terrify me, but I keep chasing after you and whatever those things are! It was so easy being alone, okay? Then suddenly you came swinging into my life and made everything so--so complicated!"

Your mother's face peered into your room, eyes blown wide in surprise, but the moment you glanced at her she backed away with a bitten smile and you flushed. You didn't get the chance to dwell on the fact that she'd been eavesdropping, though, because Peter sat on the edge of your bed and bit the inside of his cheek, blinking at you with teasing eyes.

"So, you like me?"

Eyes narrowed, you grumbled, "Are you really going to make me say it, Pete? After all of that?"

A sly grin stretched across his lips, cheeks puffing out adorably and making you bite your own to keep from grinning too. He tutted, raising his ruffled brow as he jabbed, "After everything else today? I think it's the least you could do."

You were screwed. His fingertips barely caressed the backs of your knuckles, and you shakily grabbed them before he pulled away again. "I like you, jerk." you mumbled, screwing your eyes shut as you felt your face burn in embarrassment.

Peter just chuckled, squeezing your hand as you felt your bed shift under his weight. "I don't want to just be your friend, either." his breathe fanned over your cheek, and your eyes snapped open to find his face closer than ever. If you just turned, ever so slightly, his lips would brush your own... He kissed your cheek softly, backing away with a tiny smile that you matched. "I like you a lot. Probably more than like, really."

"That scares me." you whispered, eyes still latched onto his, "Peter, you scare me."

He took a long moment to answer, weighing heavily the words he would utter next, before finally telling you, "You scare me, too, but I think it's worth it."

A gentle tapping at your door crashed through the moment, both of your faces burning a deep red as you turned to face your mother's sheepish smile. "Sorry, sorry, don't mind me--"

"Mom!" you wailed, slapping your hands over your face in mortification as she stealthily slipped into your room and dropped a box of condoms onto your dresser before racing away again. "Oh, I can't believe she--Mom! Did you really have to do that?"

Peter was laughing boisterously, head thrown back and eyes shut, though you could tell he was flustered too from the cherry red color that creeped down from his face and under his shirt. As humiliated as you were by your mother's actions, you couldn't help but to feel a little grateful for the interruption. The intensity, the tension in the air, had disappeared with the intrusion, and things felt a little bit lighter again.

You flopped back onto your bed, still pouting over the spectacle, as Peter breathed out, "That's so something Aunt May would have done, too."

At least you weren't alone in the embarrassing family department, you thought to yourself as Peter threw himself down beside you. She meant well, obviously, but did she really think that you and Peter were going to go from admitting you liked each other to ripping each other's clothes off in one night? Well, you were eighteen--maybe she had a bit of a reason to be so hasty.

"Do you think it's worth it?" Peter questioned, and you turned your head to face him, trying to ignore the close proximity of his face to your own. "Liking me?"

You chewed at your lip, listening for that voice in your head that had suddenly gone silent. "Yeah, yeah I do." you responded, and his face split in a blushing smile. You did think it was worth it, because being with him reminded you of all the good feelings you missed out on when he wasn't around. "I just wish we could have been like this before. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like I'm stealing her life."

He grew serious in an instant, eyebrows furrowing as he stated, "I don't." At the sight of your confusion, he continued, "I don't wish we met before. Can you honestly say that you're the same person you were before?"

"No."

He nodded, "Exactly. Stuff like that... It changes you. I would know, remember? You wouldn't be the you that I like, and if Uncle Ben were here maybe I wouldn't be who you like, either."

You had to admit, he had a point. "I guess so." you pondered aloud.

"You're not stealing her life, either, (Y/N). She would have wanted you to be happy, to do all the things she never got to. It took me a long time to stop thinking that way, too, but I did. It wasn't your fault, and you can't miss out on stuff just because of her." Peter advised, and you swallowed down the lump that was growing steadily in your throat, "She didn't give up her life for you to stop living yours."

Fuck, Peter really knew exactly what to say. You, however, were at a loss for words. He said all of the things that you'd needed to hear for so long, so perfectly, and it rocked you to your core. How did he know just what you needed to hear? The answer was simple--because he knew you, and he knew how you were feeling. He knew, because he had lived it.

Changing the subject, you asked, "So, what do we do now?"

You didn't have to explain for him to understand, and he swallowed thickly, "Do you... will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yeah. That might be worth it."

He scoffed, "Might be? Forget it, I don't want you to be my--"

"I want to be your girlfriend, Pete!" you cut him off, laughing loudly. "I really, really want to." So, maybe you lied when you said that Peter made things complicated. In fact, Peter made things incredibly easy--and that made it worth it.

SERIES TAGLIST {ask to be added}:

@msmimimerton @zendayasfwb @sweet-symphony @cherthegoddess @justsomebodyweird

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retrievablememories · 3 years

Text

this is me trying | lucas

title: this is me trying pairing: lucas x black!reader genre: angst request: “Hey do you think you can do a sequel about Lucas’ No manners like an aftermath of what happened after he hung up on her and what she’s been up too all this time. And what Lucas decided to do.” word count: 2.1k warnings: mentions of infidelity, mentions of an abortion, relationship problems, cursing a/n: that banner is boring af, but photoshop is a bitch who didn’t save my previous file and i don’t have time to play all night

the sequel to no manners. okay... i decided to go for a different type of ending here since i tend to make the couple break up/stay broken up in these angsty stories...and i know people tend to like endings where things are resolved...though EYE personally would not recommend this irl 💀

It’s been a few months since you’ve seen Lucas on any video call, and even longer since you’ve seen him in person. These couple months alone have seemed even longer and more tiresome than the previous duration of time when you were kept apart from him.

You haven’t heard from him in that time span, either, which makes you feel...it’s hard to know how to feel, especially with how you yourself froze him out to avoid admitting the truth. It’s easy enough to know what he’s doing through WayV’s posts on YouTube and Instagram and wherever else, but you don’t enjoy knowing next to nothing about how he’s doing—like you’re merely another fan when you’re actually his wife.

You also understand, though, that maybe you don’t have much room to complain with your previous actions. That doesn’t make it any less painful. Especially with him ignoring your small attempts to reach out to him.

Despite Sharia’s earlier advice, you decide to stay at your job and continue avoiding Daniel at all costs. Staying at home and having nothing to do during this conflict would only make you slip further into depression, which is the last thing you need right now. You’re in no state of mind to be trying to find another job and doing countless interviews, either.

Luckily, Sharia doesn’t mind helping you stay away from Daniel or create the perfect facade that your marriage is still doing fine despite it being the exact opposite. Everyone at your job still thinks things are as they have always been, and you’re relieved for that.

That’s about the only point of relief in your life, though.

You’re reaching the end of your limit with how much you can endure of staying in that same house without Lucas, being reminded of him in every corner of every room. His clothes in the closet, his side of the bed, his favorite coffee mugs in the kitchen. You’ve already tried hiding some of his things out of sight so you wouldn’t have to face unwilling memories, but it’s too difficult to completely erase a presence that fills every aspect of your home. And that’s not something you really want to do, anyway—which makes you feel more downtrodden and unable to let go.

You decide you need to get out, get away, change your surroundings. It’s wearing you thin to keep coming back to this empty house everyday, drifting around the space like a misplaced ghost. If you stay here another month, you think you might lose your sanity once and for all. So, eventually, you start packing. Sharia doesn’t mind letting you stay over for a little while, and you are grateful for the welcome distraction and comfort that being in her company will provide.

On a day when you’re making the last few preparations to leave for Sharia’s place, you hear a car pulling up in the driveway. You’re confused for a few seconds, as you weren’t expecting any visitors and today isn’t the day Sharia is supposed to come over. However, your heart kicks up in its rhythm when you go to the window in the kitchen to check. It’s Lucas’s car.

For a few moments, you’re unsure what to think or how to react. You’ve wanted to see him for so long, but now that he’s here, you want him gone again. What will he say when he sees your things packed? Will he even care? Most importantly, what has he come here for, after all this time?

You don’t have much more time to think about these things before Lucas is getting out of the car and walking up to the door. You stand in your spot in the kitchen, frozen as the key turns in the lock.

Lucas walks into the house cautiously, as if he doesn’t know how to properly approach this environment after being gone for so long. When he catches sight of you through the kitchen entryway, he stops in his tracks, still standing in the living room.

Both of you stare at each other for a few long and agonizing seconds. His eyes are still weary and hurt like they were the night you told him the news, but there’s a question floating there, too.

“You’re not…?” His eyes drop down to your stomach, the front of your shirt, and it looks the same as he remembers it being months ago, before he left for China, despite you telling him of your pregnancy. If there’s one thing he remembers, it’s that.

“No,” you respond quietly, “There’s no way I could go through with it.”

Lucas pauses, then nods, though he doesn’t say anything else for a few long moments—nothing to explain his sudden appearance, nothing to comment on the decision you made.

He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks at the ground, shifting his jaw.

“What...did you come here for?” you finally ask. The words sound harsh to your ears, and you wince internally, but you don’t know what else to do to make some kind of headway.

“Just...getting some things.” Lucas rubs the back of his neck warily, as if he’s not sure this is the right answer. Or maybe he just doesn't want to be here right now at all, having this conversation with you.

“Getting some things,” you echo. “Are you…” You’re not sure what you want to ask right now. “Leaving?”

“What’s the point of questioning me about it? Aren’t you doing the same thing?” Lucas’s eyes shift to one of your suitcases in the middle of the living room, still sitting open.

“Yes, but...you don’t even understand why I’m doing it. You’re just leaving. Are we both just going to abandon this house without even talking it out? That’s just the end of everything?” Now that you’ve found your voice again, the questions keep coming.

Lucas comes forward to step into the kitchen. “What would you like to say? What else is there that I need to know? You were drunk and lonely, weren’t you?” That phrase comes out with a sneer, which makes you wince like you’ve just had something physically thrown at you.

“I’ve spent months agonizing over this shit, Yukhei. I’ve felt completely alone and in the dark here. I had the abortion, I’ve been to therapy, I haven’t even looked at alcohol since then. I’ve seen the error of my fucking ways, believe me, and I still feel no more reassured about any of this.”

“Do you think that’s going to solve everything?” Lucas says, crossing his arms and staring at you from across the room.

“I don’t know! Maybe I didn’t do it for you. I did it because I didn’t want to have another man’s child! I did it for myself, to feel back in control of myself!”

“Y/N, you can do whatever you need to make this easier for you, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to come running back to you.”

You sigh heavily and sit down in the kitchen chair, rubbing your hands over your face. “Maybe it’s a mistake for me to hope we can work something out at this point, but I long ago realized that living without you is next to unbearable. Why do you think I’m trying to get the fuck out of here? Everything here is ‘you.’” You don’t look at his eyes during any point of this speech, just instead staring at your hands where they meet on the table. “I see that if you want to leave, I won’t be able to stop you. But at least give me a proper explanation and a clean break like a human being.”

Lucas falls quiet again. You think he might just leave you there to get his stuff and go back to wherever he wants to go, but he sits in the chair across from you. You still don’t look at him.

“I also missed you a lot,” he admits, quietly, as if he doesn’t want to say it where it can be heard. “I didn’t really want to. But. Obviously, those emotions don’t just go away…”

You simply nod, not knowing the right way to respond to that.

“You still wear your ring,” he says it flatly, like it’s an insignificant observation. You can’t tell whether he’s surprised at it or judging you for it, for whatever ridiculous reason.

“Did you not want me to?” you say, irritated. “We are still married. And I don’t need the people at work asking questions.”

He nods as if he’s just understood something and the realization of it has made him even more displeased. “Right, of course, it’s all about looking good. Maintaining the lie, right?”

“It’s not about that,” you snap. “You should know that more than anyone. No one even knows I’m fucking married to you except Sharia. God forbid I don’t want to hear more bullshit from Daniel about my marriage, I guess.”

Lucas’s face is still for a moment, and then his eyebrows crease. “Does he still bother you?” The words leave his mouth tentatively.

“Of course he does, Yukhei. Whenever I can’t get away from him completely. He’s not just going to stop because my life has turned to shit and my husband hates me—which he doesn’t even know.”

Lucas shakes his head and sighs. “Don’t guilt trip me.”

“I’m only stating what clearly seems to be a fact now.” Then you get up from the table, weary of the conversation and even more hurt by the fact that he didn’t try to deny your statement. “Now, if you want to get your stuff, go get it. I won’t hold you up any longer. Though—you should think about preparing for a divorce if you’re really done here.” You walk out of the kitchen before waiting for his response, missing the way he stiffens in his seat.

You sit in the living room fussing over your suitcase for a long while before he decides to walk into the room. “Look...I don’t know how to feel about all this right now, but I’m not sure if that’s what I...want.”

“...What.”

“Y/N. I’m saying, I don’t think I want to...separate.”

“Then what do you want? To keep dragging me around with an empty marriage while you move on with your life? Just file the damn papers or I will.” You’re angry with him now, and a few tears slip out. You feel like you’re being thrown around at this point, and you have no clue what his intentions are. You get even more upset with yourself for crying, though there’s no reason to be.

“I don’t fucking know. Just not...this.” Lucas is deflated and maybe just as lost as you are, though you don’t want to acknowledge that while you’re still upset at his indecisiveness. He sits on the couch with you, and you’re partly surprised that he even still wants to be anywhere near you with how he was acting and talking earlier.

He seems a little shaken to see you openly crying, as if he’s never seen it happen before. Like all of this is once again new to him. Lucas puts his head in his hands, bearing a striking resemblance to the image of him doing the same thing the day you told him what happened.

You both make for a pitiful sight on the sofa like that, sitting as far from each other as possible but hurting over the same thing. Finally, Lucas takes his hands away from his face and, tentatively, as if you might shove him away, reaches for your hand. He covers it with his own, curling his fingers around yours slightly.

You stare at his hand on top of yours, bare without his ring, unsure how to react to it. You look to your side, though he doesn’t meet your eyes at first. There’s another crease between his brows.

“Just let me...figure some things out. We—we could...figure some things out, together. Before we...think about taking that step.” This response is still just shy of giving you a definite answer, but it gives you a small, painful hope that maybe things aren’t destroyed forever.

You nod, wiping some of your tears away. You’re almost afraid to take your eyes from where your hands are joined, as if you’ll discover it was just some mirage or figment of your imagination if you look away.

“Okay...we can do that. If...you want to try.”

Lucas looks at you fully now, his eyes impossibly deep with things he’s already said and has yet to say to you, and nods back—a tiny movement, but it’s there and true all the same.

#lucas scenarios #lucas fic #lucas imagines #lucas angst #wayv #lucas #wayv lucas #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct fic #nct angst #ambw #ambw fic #ambw kpop #ambw imagines #ambw scenarios #ambw angst #kpop ambw

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kutemouse · 4 years

Text

Caught (Prologue)

Disclaimers: All “Save Me” webtoon and BTS MV/highlight reel/film references and plots belong to BTS and BigHit. Not sure who edited it or made it, but the “I’m Fine/Save Me” ambigram pic I used came from here. All pictures of Kim Taehyung belong to BTS and BigHit, I just edited them for my header. The picture of BTS came from Vogue Japan, I just edited it for my header. I got the Kim Taehyung Wings Film Gif from DannyBriz on Wattpad.

A Note from Kutemouse: Awwww, thank you for reading my stuff, @chocolatewolfuniversitytrash!

So, this sweet little mini series is inspired by several things… The movie 365 DNI, the Save Me webtoon, the BTS MV universe, and ideas I’ve come up with waaaaaay too late at night 😂 Honestly, I’m OBSESSED with the whole MV/highlight reel/wings films arc that started with The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1, and I’ve ALWAYS wanted to write a story inspired by it. So, kutie pie @chocolatewolfuniversitytrash, thank you for allowing this dream to come to light.

About the non-con request, I was all like, “EEEERRRRRRMMMMMMMM idk,” because I’ve never written non-con and therefore don’t… know… if I’m comfortable with it…? I will attempt to do my best. Either way, I hope you like what has come out of my brain 😅

Also, thank you to @btssmutheaven for revealing my drafts (NOT REALLY, ILY) to @taemaknae for reading my shit and loving it, and to @kpopyandere for being the best unnie account and helping me realize I can write all the yandere ideas I want.

Age Recommendation: 21+ (this is NOT one for youngsters, kuties, and is MOST DEFINITELY NSFW)

Genre: Mafia!AU w/ BTS, Jailbird!AU w/ Taehyung, Yandere!BTS

Warnings: ALL THE WARNINGS. Just kidding, uh… Swears. There are minors in this section but they do NOT do anything sexual. I ain’t about that kinda life, y’all. F*ckboy Taehyung. Fluffy friendship. Angsty jealousy. Mentions of drug use and alcohol consumption (NOT by minors tho). Yandere themes including unhealthy obsession and possessiveness. Making out. No smut in this part, but it’s heavy af.

🚨TRIGGER WARNING. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH THE FOLLOWING.🚨

Mentions of abusive relationships, mentions of a parent abusing their child, mentions of sexual abuse, mentions of schoolyard bullying, mentions of a violent murder.

These are not fleshed out or detailed scenarios. When I say “mention,” I mean briefly discussed after it happened, not during, and definitely not in any detail whatsoever. You DO NOT have to read my work. You decide what you are comfortable with. All I want is for you kuties to be happy.

Word Count: 6.1k (WTF is this even allowed?!)

Summary: Kim Taehyung was the absolute love of your life… until he became a murderer. With him serving a life sentence in prison, you were finally free to live out the rest of your life however you wanted. Just when you thought you were at the top of your game, ready to take on the world, Taehyung reappears like a monster not even your worst nightmares could dream up. He gives you a year to fall in love with him, but now the question is, can monsters even be loved?

Master List

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Caught (Taehyung Series, Yandere, Smut, Angst) Prologue

I remember the first time I saw Kim Taehyung. We were both fifteen, just starting out in high school. Back then, I remember the way he lazily leaned against a locker with his arms crossed, seemingly waiting for someone. His hair was bleached a ridiculous bright blonde on the top and left brunette everywhere else. He had on dramatic, black eyeliner that served to accentuate his inky eyes, and he wore a studded leather jacket with his shirt and tie rather than the traditional uniform. Intrigued, I opened my locker and picked out my books for my next class, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

I saw him zero in on his target and take brisk, wide strides towards her as she twirled the combo to her locker. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes as he caged her in by leaning down to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly, the hallway was filled with flirtatious giggles and I turned away, rolling my eyes. So he was one of those assholes.

I watched him do this with every single girl in our class. I swear, he had his routine down to a science. Chat her up, openly flirt, flirt some more until she caved in to whatever he desired, then drop her like a hot frying pan. It took a couple months for his interest to finally land on me.

“Hey.”

I didn’t bother to look up as I twirled the combination to my locker and popped it open.

“Hey,” he said louder.

I flicked a glance his way. “Do you need something?”

His eyes narrowed. “Do I look like I need anything?”

I huffed out a sigh. “What do you want, Kim Taehyung?”

He let out a snort, leaning against the locker next to mine the same way he’d done a thousand times with a thousand other girls. “So you know my name, but I don’t know yours. You’re new, right?”

“I transferred in at the beginning of the year,” I said impatiently. “And we’re in the same class, so you should know who I am.”

Taehyung’s lips curled up into a playful smirk. “Really? No, that can’t be right. I definitely would’ve remembered you.”

I rolled my eyes and slammed my locker shut, walking quickly away. Taehyung jogged to keep up. “Just tell me your name,” he insisted.

“Why?”

“C’mon, I’m just trying to make friends.”

I whirled around, stopping both of us in our tracks. “Friends? Is that what you’ve been doing with every other girl here? Just making friends?”

Taehyung smirked once more and took a step towards me. I don’t know why, but I took a step back. I should’ve held my ground, should’ve told him to fuck off right then and there. Instead, I let him back me up against the wall and entrap me within his darkened gaze, the same way he would for the next three years of our lives.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his breath tickling the skin of my cheek. “We can be more than friends… but first, you have to tell me your name.”

I shoved him off me and practically sprinted down the hall, cheeks aflame with embarrassment. My peers and classmates who saw the exchange teased me for weeks afterward, no matter how much I kept my head down and avoided Taehyung like my life depended on it. It wasn’t until I heard him telling off some of the more tenacious gossipers I decided to give him another chance.

I tapped him on his shoulder as he stood in front of his locker. His eyes widened when he turned to see me standing there. “I’m L/n Y/n,” I said meekly. “And I wanted to thank you for what you said to those people.”

“You heard that?” he asked, the skin of his neck flushing pink.

I nodded.

“You’re welcome,” he said, tossing me a boxy grin.

That day, a seed was planted that eventually grew into a steady, beautiful friendship. A year later, I had come out of my shell quite a bit thanks to Taehyung, and I had a solid group of mates that I adored and relied on. Tae was my best friend, and I was his. Of course, we still got teased quite a bit about being a couple, but I figured we were both long past that.

Taehyung matured alongside our friendship. He stopped wearing thick eyeliner and sporting ridiculous hair colors, instead opting for a softer, more natural look with caramel brown locks and the unblemished glow of his slightly-tan skin. Gone were his dramatic, attention-seeking ways. His voice also deepened, dropping almost an entire octave. Yet despite all of his changes, he still stayed an absolute fuck-boy, shagging a new girl every other week. I came to realize it was all part of his personality, though, and I loved him no matter what.

The summer before our senior year was when I realized that love ran way deeper than friendship. We were at my best girlfriend Chaeyoung’s house when Taehyung stumbled in with yet another girl, his hair freshly dyed a bright cerulean blue. “Hey everyone!” he called out, slinging his arm around the girl’s shoulders. My smile faded as I looked over and noticed she was beyond gorgeous, with waist-length black locks that seemed to flow down the perfect curve of her back. I shuddered as a green monster reared its ugly head deep within me.

Taehyung was with that girl for a few months, which by his standards, was practically a lifetime. The entire time they were together, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff about to swan-dive into devastating heartbreak. Each time I saw him kiss her, each time I saw him smile at her, each time I saw him lean over and whisper something in her ear, a piece of my soul shriveled up and died. I did my best to put my feelings aside, knowing I already had my chance and he would probably never look at me that way again. Even after they broke up, I kept my love for him tamped down and tucked away deep in the recesses of my heart, scared of ruining our friendship.

His break-up only served to draw us closer together, and slowly, without me realizing it, our friendship began to bloom into something more. Taehyung and I started to tell each other everything, including the messed-up secrets our home lives made us keep. One day, we were sitting in an empty classroom after school. I was trying to study, but kept getting distracted by Tae staring longingly out the window. “What’re you looking at?” I finally asked, putting my pencil down.

“Nothing,” he said simply. “Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About when we’ll finally get out of here.”

I smiled, my heart thumping a little faster. “We?”

He turned and tossed me his signature boxy grin. “Yeah. We. We’ll make it out of here someday, Y/n. I’ll get away from my bastard of a dad, you’ll get away from your selfish mother, and we’ll have a house in the country with big, open fields and plenty of space to finally fucking breathe.”

I smiled and stored those words away, using them to comfort myself whenever my mother and her asshole of a boyfriend wouldn’t stop yelling at each other, or worse, when they’d pass out on the couch, too drunk or high to stay coherent.

One night around three in the morning, my phone began to buzz and didn’t stop until I finally popped an eye open, fumbled around for it in the dark, and pressed it to my ear. “Hello?” I mumbled.

“H-Hey.”

I sat up. “Taehyung?”

“Y/n, I n-need your help,” he said shakily. It sounded like he was… crying?

I immediately got out of bed and pulled some jeans on. “Tae, it’s okay,” I said soothingly, trying to hide the panic I was feeling. I knew Taehyung’s home life was extremely hard. In fact, most of our home lives were terrible. The only two in our friend group who even came close to “privileged” were Chaeyoung and Jin, and that was because their parents had more money, not less problems.

I myself had plenty of issues. The reason my mother and I moved here when I was fifteen was to escape her abusive boyfriend, and even then, we still lived in constant fear of him finding us again. I guess that fear drove her into the arms of the first strong-looking man who looked twice at her, because her new boyfriend, Manseok, seemed to fit the same abusive pattern. At least he didn’t hit her when he was sober.

I wasn’t exactly sure how terrible Taehyung’s life was until the night he called me. At his request, I stole a few bills from my mom’s purse as well as her ID and put us up in a cheap motel room for the night. Jumping up when I finally heard his knock, I quickly pulled the door open to reveal Taehyung, his blue hair stringy from the rain outside. He was panting like he ran all the way there. I covered my mouth with my hands as the dim lighting revealed his left eye swollen shut, covered in nasty shades of scarlet and purple. His lip was split and bleeding, and his right cheek had another bruise and cut creeping down to his jawbone. The worst part, though, were the red finger-shaped marks that covered his neck.

“Y/n,” he croaked out. I held open my arms and he fell into them, not leaving their safety until well into the morning. I iced his black eye and bruises as much as I could, and bandaged the cuts that covered his face. Taehyung’s face was pressed into my chest, his breathing deep and even as he finally slept.

I decided then and there I’d never let him go.

Thankfully, Taehyung felt the same way. Within a week, he brushed off every other girl he was chatting up and focused all of his attention on me. We spent hours with each other after school, either in person or on the phone, and it became a common occurrence for him to intertwine his fingers with mine or peck me sweetly on the cheek.

I quickly grew dissatisfied, sick of the friendship barrier preventing us from taking things further. We spent an entire day together one weekend, talking, laughing, walking the streets, and trying different foods from vendor carts. As the sun started to go down, Taehyung wrapped his arms around me from behind, pressing his chest into my back. He was teasing me, I forget about what, and he leaned down to kiss my cheek when I turned at the last second and let him peck my lips instead. I laughed as his dark eyes grew wide with shock.

That was all it took, though. One kiss, and he was mine. Or rather, I was his. Afterwards, he pulled me into a deserted alleyway and we kissed until the sun completely disappeared. As the stars appeared in the sky above, Taehyung asked me to be his girlfriend, murmuring in my ear about how much he loved me and how he had never stopped loving me, even after I turned him down. With my heart practically bursting, I readily agreed.

Back then, Taehyung had a knack for getting in trouble, and me being his new girlfriend did nothing to hinder that side of him. He was definitely the “bad boy” of our school, constantly rebelling against the system by swapping his uniform for street clothes and ditching classes. His favorite form of rebellion, however, was street graffiti. He loved spray-painting words and drawings all over the walls of our neighborhood alongside his best friend, Namjoon. Tae was nearly caught by the cops a couple of times, but thanks to his quick instincts, he managed to give them the slip.

Still, a boy with bright, blue hair was bound to stand out, so after a couple nights of close calls, Taehyung finally dyed his hair back to that soft, caramel brown that I loved running my fingers through. We sat together at a bus stop, watching cars and people go by with fingers intertwined, when Tae stood and pulled a paint can out of his jacket pocket.

“Again?” I asked. Despite my teasing tone, I smiled up at him.

Taehyung tucked his bottom lip between his teeth with a grin as he sprayed something onto the panel beside us. “Look,” he said once he was finished, tilting his head to admire his work.

I stood up to see the words “I’m fine” sprayed in green. The font was the most interesting part, though, too curly in comparison to Taehyung’s usual writing. “Now look at it from upside-down,” Tae said.

I threw him a skeptical look before obediently curving my neck and scoping out the piece of art as best I could. “Save me,” I read out loud.

Taehyung nodded. “It’s for us,” he murmured.

I looked up at him, emotions surging through me like a waterfall surging down a cliff. “It’s beautiful,” I said, my voice cracking.

Taehyung looked at me, concern filling his features. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

“I-I have s-something to tell you,” I stammered.

With many tears and a shaky voice, I began to explain to Taehyung the events that had transpired only a few nights before. How my mom’s boyfriend had quietly snuck into my room while she remained passed out on the couch. How he had told me to be quiet as his hand started stroking my arm. How he had held his hand over my mouth and yelped when I bit him. How I had screamed so loud our neighbors called the cops. How he was carted away by the police with my mother shrieking the entire time about how I was a brat and a dramatic liar.

Taehyung’s gaze grew darker with each word. “That bastard,” he spat, clenching his fists. “I will end that motherfucker.”

“Taehyung, stop,” I sighed. “It’s over. For now, at least. I’ll stay at Chaeyoung’s until graduation.”

“What do you mean? He’s not going to jail?”

I hung my head. “My mom left to pay his bail an hour ago.”

Taehyung slammed his fist into the same panel he just graffitied. “So that jerk is going to walk free?!”

I stood up and ran my hands soothingly over his shoulders. “For now. I’m going to press charges, but in the end, it’s my word against his. Who knows how the system will treat him.”

Taehyung let out a feral growl, turning away from me. “I’m sick of this shit,” he snapped. “My dad, your mom’s boyfriend… neither of them should be walking free after everything they’ve done.”

Not knowing what else to do, I hugged him tightly from behind. “Just another few months,” I said quietly. “And then we’ll be out of here. A house in the country, just like you said.”

“That’s not good enough,” Tae snapped, turning back towards me. My mouth parted in surprise as I looked into his eyes and saw something there I’d never seen before. It was like a slow-burning flame, one that hadn’t yet risen into a raging wildfire, but threatened to if it wasn’t quickly put out.

Taehyung suddenly grabbed my hand and tugged me down the street. “I’m dropping you off at Chae’s,” he said. “And then I want you to stay there for the next twenty-four hours. I don’t want you going out for any reason, you understand me?”

“Taehyung, what are you saying? You’re scaring me.”

He stopped walking, turning so we were facing each other once more. The flame I saw earlier began blazing, turning rapidly into something uncontrollable and destructive I didn’t know how to stop. “This ends tonight,” he growled.

True to his word, he dropped me off at Chaeyoung’s, not leaving until he made me promise I wouldn’t go out until he said so. After a week, with Tae’s permission, I went home to get some clothes and personal items only to find my mom sitting on the couch, strung out of her mind. “Is he here?” I asked tentatively.

She raised her red-rimmed eyes to meet mine. “Who?”

“Manseok. Your jerk of a boyfriend.”

My mom shrugged and scoffed. “Haven’t seen that bastard for a couple days now,” she said, her words slurring together. “He upped and left us. Stole some money from me to do it, too.”

The feeling of relief that I felt was short-lived once I remembered that asshole would probably be back for more, just like the others. I quickly gathered my things and left, stopping only to make sure my mom had enough food for the next few days.

Ever since that night, Taehyung withdrew into himself. He still held my hand and kissed me, but it was distant, emotionless, like he didn’t know how to feel his feelings for me anymore. He weirdly became somewhat possessive of me, keeping me practically glued to his side whenever he was with me, and constantly texting me when we weren’t together. Whenever other boys looked my way, Taehyung shot them down with harsh words and incessant bullying our friends joined in on. I insisted they stop that kind of behavior, and for a while, I thought Tae and his friends complied. It wasn’t until much later in life when I realized they never truly stopped. They just got better at hiding it.

One night, I was at Namjoon’s place waiting for Tae when Joon’s phone rang. “Taehyung?” he said, turning away from me when I looked up. “Hey, calm down. You did what?!”

He stood up quickly. I motioned for him to put it on speaker, but he waved me off. “Okay, stop. I’m coming over right now. Just stay put, dammit.”

Joon grabbed his jacket and rushed towards the door. “Wait!” I cried. “What happened?!”

“Nothing that concerns you,” he snapped. “Stay here. I’ll bring Taehyung to you, alright?”

Neither of them came back. Before the sun even thought of rising, I determinedly ran all the way to Taehyung’s apartment, desperate to see him and make sure he was alright. As my sneakers pounded against the pavement and my breath started coming out in ragged gasps, I suddenly felt a hand grasp my forearm and yank me into a side alley.

“What are you doing here?” a voice growled as I yelped in surprise. I looked up to see Jungkook standing there, glaring at me.

“I want to see Taehyung,” I retorted, ripping my arm from his grasp.

He crossed his arms. “Not gonna happen.”

“Like hell it’s not!” I snapped. “Where is he?”

Jungkook grabbed the front of my jacket, preventing me from pushing past him. “Go home, Y/n.”

“Absolutely the fuck not!”

Sick of my shit, Jungkook picked me up, threw me over his broad shoulder, and carried me out of the alleyway. I kicked and screamed the entire way. He set me down once we were on the main street. “Taehyung will call you when he can,” he said firmly. “I won’t say it again, Y/n. Go home.”

“No!” Tears welled up, and I furiously swiped them away. “I’m his girlfriend! Tell me where he is right now or I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” Jungkook snapped. “Y/n, you don’t even know where he is. Fucking leave, or I’ll carry you all the way back to Chae’s myself.”

It didn’t take much longer for me to realize Jungkook wouldn’t relent. Eventually, I went back to Chaeyoung’s and spent the day staring at the wall beside my bed. What did Taehyung do? What were his friends protecting him from? When had things gotten so fucked up?

My questions were never answered. After a full week of silence, complete with him missing school, Taehyung showed up at Chae’s place asking for me. “She doesn’t want to see you,” Chae snapped, closing the door as I meandered into the entry hall.

Taehyung stopped her by slamming his palm against the wood. “Please, Chae,” he begged.

Recognizing his deep tenor, I walked up and put my hand on my bestie’s shoulder. “I’ve got this, Chae,” I murmured. She left with a huff.

Taehyung looked terrible. Dark circles ran under both eyes like he’d spent multiple nights without sleep, his hair was unkempt, and his skin was much too pale. Without another word, I immediately took him inside and dragged him up to my room. He took a shower in my en suite bathroom while I washed his clothes. After he dressed, we sat on my bed, still not speaking. “What happened?” I finally asked.

He tossed me a weak smile. “Life happened.”

I shook my head in disgust. “You leave me for an entire week with no explanation, and that’s all you have to say?”

“Baby girl, please,” Taehyung said, clasping my hands in between his large, rough ones. “I’m sorry I left you alone. I asked the guys to keep an eye on you, and they said you’ve been doing fine.”

“Fine is an overstatement,” I snorted, tearing my hands from his grasp.

He didn’t relent, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his broad chest. “Let go,” I ordered, trying and failing to push him away.

“No,” he said simply, tightening his hold. “I love you, Y/n. Everything that happened this past week happened for us. For our dream.”

I managed to pull back enough to look up into his eyes. The spark of mischief that normally resided there was gone, replaced by a dull sombreness that made me ache inside. Whatever had happened that week completely changed Taehyung for good. He was no longer quick to smile or joke, and I began to yearn for the blue-haired boy of the past. I couldn’t tell him that, though. Despite everything, I still loved him.

A month passed, and as our graduation approached, Taehyung talked more and more about moving out to the country. I responded enthusiastically outwardly, but on the inside, I didn’t know if moving out was such a good idea. It wasn’t just the way he had changed. It was having issues with my mom as well. Since Manseok never came back around, her behavior grew more erratic each day. I moved back in to take care of her, and she depended heavily on me. I was afraid if I left, she would fall off the deep end again and never be able to make it back to the surface.

The last day I saw Taehyung dawned bright and filled with hope. “I’m feeling good today,” he announced, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked to class.

I smiled up at him, glee spreading through my limbs when I saw a trace of that mischievous spark back in his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He tossed me a grin. “I haven’t been able to go out and tag anything lately… but I kind of want to tonight. You in?”

“Of course.”

As night approached, we walked hand-in-hand down the street until Taehyung led us back to that bus stop where he painted the “I’m fine/Save me” ambigram. I sat on the bench and watched as he began to create something new. I don’t think he had a set plan. The painting started off in meaningless loops, the jet-black color standing out in stark contrast to the white behind it.

Suddenly, bright lights filled our vision flashing a blinding blue and red. “Freeze!” a loud voice yelled.

I remember Taehyung’s wide, dark eyes finding mine, filled with panic. I remember the rough skin of his palm sliding into mine and yanking me upright. I remember how we sprinted down the street, the fear of being caught pumping adrenaline through us. How he ran faster than me, tugging me along to keep up.

Taehyung looked back and pulled me into an alleyway to try and lose them. We turned a corner and met a dead end. With our backs pressed against the wall, I looked at Tae. “Dammit,” he panted, the corners of his mouth turning upwards despite our situation.

I began to run out the way we came, intending on dragging Taehyung with me, but he yanked me back, slamming me against the wall that entrapped us. He kissed me, feverishly pressing his tongue inside my mouth before I could stop him. He yanked my wrists upwards, pinning them almost painfully against the brick above us as his mouth continued exploring mine and his hands roamed up and down my body.

He pulled back, allowing me to finally suck in some oxygen, and even as I coughed, he continued pressing kisses from my cheek to my jaw to my neck. Tae finally stopped as loud voices and beams of flashlights got closer. “I love you, baby girl,” he murmured. “Don’t forget that.”

“Tae, what—?”

He stepped out from behind the corner, raising his hands in the air. I ducked down into the shadows the alley provided, scooting backwards and pressing my hands over my mouth.

“Get over here, punk,” a gruff voice commanded. I heard the grinding click of handcuffs closing over wrists as another voice began to read Tae his rights.

I scrambled to my feet, realizing too late what was happening. No, no, no, no, no. He couldn’t take the fall for both of us. Not like this. Still, even as I moved to step out into the light and reveal myself, something stopped me. I don’t remember exactly what it was. Possibly the thought of my mother, my friends, how close I was to graduation. Like I said, I don’t remember. All I remember was the panic I felt when I realized the love of my life had just been arrested.

I showed up late to class the next day, not wanting to answer questions from my friends about what had happened and why I looked like absolute shit. I realized my efforts weren’t needed when two detectives pulled me out of class and escorted me to the police station, causing my classmates to start buzzing with gossip like the annoying wasps they were.

“So… L/n Y/n,” the cop, Detective Kwak, said. I looked up at her, nervously twisting my hands in my lap. “You are dating Kim Taehyung, correct?”

I nodded slowly. She had brought me here for “routine questioning,” yet I began to suspect more when they put me in an interrogation room. “For how long?” the detective asked.

“About a year and a half,” I muttered.

“So your relationship was serious?”

“You could say that.”

“How serious?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how serious were you? Did you have plans for after graduation?”

“I guess. We were going to move in together.”

“Here in the city?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “Somewhere far away.”

“Because of your troubles at home?”

It was then I got defensive. “What do you know about that?” I snapped.

Detective Kwak stared me down, an amused smile playing around the corners of her lips. “I know enough. I was promoted to detective only a month or so ago. Back in my street days, I was one of the cops called to your house.”

My mouth parted in surprise at her words.

“I remember that night pretty clearly,” she continued. “Your mom’s boyfriend attacked you, right?”

I swallowed hard and sank down in my seat, rubbing my arms with my palms in an effort to keep myself contained. “And she did nothing to defend you, correct?” the detective prodded.

“Stop,” I whispered.

“What about Taehyung? Did he do anything to defend you?”

“What the fuck is this about?” I burst out. “I thought you brought me here because… because…”

“Because of the graffiti?” she asked pointedly.

I nodded.

Detective Kwak leaned forward over the table. “Look, Y/n, I don’t give a damn about the fact you were his tagging partner in crime or whatever. This is much bigger than that.”

“What do you mean?”

She sat back and stared at me, her eyes like cold, dark tunnels. “Kim Taehyung has been charged with murder. His prints match a partial we lifted off of a crime scene.”

My mouth dropped open. “W-What?”

“That’s right,” she said. “We only identified the body yesterday. Does the name Lee Manseok mean anything to you?”

I froze as the syllables of my mother’s boyfriend’s name rolled off the detective’s tongue. She nodded at my reaction. “I thought it would. He was found in an abandoned warehouse about a week after he was killed. He’d been beaten to death.”

My blood ran cold, causing goosebumps to raise on the flesh of my arms. I shook my head fiercely. “No, that can’t be right,” I said. “The guy was a dick, anyone could’ve done that to him.”

“That’s what we thought at first. We first suspected his wife.”

“He… He has a wife?”

“And two kids,” the detective scoffed. “Your mom picked a real winner. But then we finally got Taehyung in custody thanks to your shenanigans last night and what do you know? His prints match the one we found at the crime scene.”

“You’ve got it wrong,” I said firmly. “Taehyung wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t he?” she asked, folding her arms over the table. “Sounds like he really loved you and would do anything to protect you.”

“No, there has to be a mistake. Even if Taehyung did kill him, it had to be out of self-defense or something.”

“Maybe so. But if you knock a guy out and then continue beating him until he dies, is it really self-defense?”

“It is if that guy could come back and hurt someone you love for revenge,” I retorted.

The detective’s face remained expressionless. “Unfortunately, the law says differently.”

“The law can go to hell for all I care.”

She chuckled. “Whatever you say, kid. Look, the crime scene revealed that more than one person beat the literal life out of Manseok. If Taehyung did this, he didn’t do it alone. Do you happen to know who else would have helped him commit murder?”

I stayed silent as I thought for a moment. Any of our friends could’ve helped him, with maybe the exception of Chaeyoung. I thought of Jin, Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi and Joon. I thought of the way they moved around school like a unified group, making fun of anyone who wasn’t them and bullying people who got in their way, especially any other guy who dared look my way. Still, they wouldn’t have helped Tae commit flat-out murder, would they?

“Anyone at all?”

The detective’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I shook my head. “No. No one.”

She sighed. “There’s something else. We’ve been trying to get ahold of Taehyung’s father, but he seems to be missing.”

“Missing?”

“Yes. He hasn’t shown up at his job at all in the past month and a half. His credit cards haven’t been used, either.”

“So?” I snapped. “The guy was an alcoholic, he could be holed up somewhere drinking himself to death.”

“Maybe so, but my guess is we’re going to find him in some abandoned building or maybe at the bottom of the ocean one day. Your boy, Taehyung? I’ll bet he’s the one who put him there.”

I slammed my palms on the table. “LIES!” I yelled. “He wouldn’t do that!”

“Wouldn’t he?!” Detective Kwak shouted, rising to her feet. “Tell me something right now, Y/n. Have you noticed him acting differently? Have you noticed any changes in his behavior?”

I immediately looked down at the ground. “No,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said, NO!”

“Enough with the lies!”

“I’m not lying! You are!”

The detective opened her mouth to retort, then thought better of it and sat down instead. “The evidence doesn’t lie, Y/n,” she said.

“Look,” I said. “If you want someone to put in jail, put me in jail. Taehyung’s gone through enough in his life. Please don’t put him through this.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I put my hands over my face and began to sob. Detective Kwak stood up and came around to my side of the table before placing a hand on my shoulder. Once my sobs began to cease, she offered me a tissue. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. “Thanks,” I muttered.

“Listen,” she said gently. “I’ve made arrangements for your aunt to come pick you up.”

I looked up at the detective in surprise. “My aunt?”

“Yes. Your mom’s sister. She’s filed to gain custody of you, and in light of recent events, a judge granted it to her.”

“Wait, my mom’s sister? I thought she lived in America.”

Detective Kwak’s mouth visibly tightened. “No, actually, she lives in Busan. Seems your mom kept that from you as well. Your aunt’s been trying to get in contact with you, Y/n. She says she sent letters.”

I stared at the wall across from me. Every limb, every nerve ending, every cell in my body was starting to go numb. It was all too much. My boyfriend was a murderer, my mom’s ex-boyfriend was dead, Taehyung’s dad was missing, and now all of a sudden I had a long-lost aunt who was now my sole guardian?”

“She’s very well off,” the detective continued. “She’s even offered to pay for your mom to get treatment in a rehabilitation facility. Whatever future you have with her is sure to be a bright one.”

“If you say so.”

“I know so. I’ve met her, only briefly, but she seems very nice.”

I let the silence grow between us, not bothering to give a response. The detective finally sighed and sat back down in her chair across from me. “Y/n, Taehyung is going to jail for a very long time. Maybe even for the rest of his life. I suggest you move on with your life. Move to Busan. You’ll attend a great school there, and probably university as well. You can start down an entirely new path.”

The memory of Taehyung’s handsome face swam before my eyes, his bright, boxy smile lighting my insides on fire the way it had for the past year and a half. “What if I don’t want to?” I whispered.

“Well… That’s up to you. But the sooner you move on, the sooner you’ll stop feeling this pain.”

Detective Kwak stood up, motioning for me to stand up as well. “Come on. Your aunt’s waiting.”

We exited the interrogation room, the skin on my face itchy and dry from crying. I knew I probably looked like a mess, but I didn’t care.

“Y/n!” a deep, familiar voice shouted. I froze in my tracks, slowly raising my eyes to his inky ones. He struggled in the grip of two cops, his hands handcuffed behind his back.

“Hey baby girl,” he said, smirking. “Nice of you to come visit me.”

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Detective Kwak hissed.

“You said to move him into the interrogation room.”

“While it’s still occupied?!”

“Don’t worry,” Taehyung quipped. “We can share, right baby?”

“Get him out of here!” Detective Kwak snapped. “Now!”

The cops shoved Taehyung towards the interrogation room. I turned to look at him, desperation clenching at my heart. I realized this might be the last time I saw him, the last time I would get to tell him something. Anything. My mouth opened but no words came out.

“Don’t worry, baby girl!” Taehyung shouted, lurching towards me. “I’ll get out someday! And I’ll come for you! I will always come for you!”

I shook my head and felt tears prick at my eyes once more as the police wrestled with him. “I love you, Y/n!” he shouted just before they shut the door on him.

“Sorry about that,” Detective Kim said, holding a hand to her heaving chest. “You weren’t supposed to cross paths.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured, and to my own surprise, I meant it. I was glad I saw him one last time. I realized, in that moment, that the blue-haired boy I once knew and fell in love with was completely gone. His eyes, which once held a spark of playfulness and mischief, now held nothing but misery and woe. He let his anger for the world overtake him, allowing it to blaze a path of self-destruction that I could no longer follow.

Maybe the detective was right. Despite the fact that Kim Taehyung was the love of my life, maybe, just maybe, it was time to move on.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Part One is HEEEEEEERE! 😉

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gdrflxboy-gayace · 4 years

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my rant on why twink culture is toxic af

alright so I’m not in the same angsty mood I was when I first mentioned twink culture being bad, but all my points still stand so I’ll explain them yet, they just might not be as organized as they could have been and I hope y’all will bear with me anyways Okay! so! twink culture. What is a twink? Yes, my capitalization will vary a lot throughout this, probably, maybe. Anyway, a twink is a guy who is skinny and young looking, and most of the time, the stereotypical twink is white. This very loose “definition” is based on a mix of my observations, other people’s input, articles, urban dictionary, and other random sources - so far, I don’t think I’ve gotten the gist wrong.

Twink culture is focused on being skinny and having youthful looks. That on its own should be enough, but apparently it’s not, so I’ll explain a bit. First, a whole subculture set on being skinny in order to be found appealing? isn’t this something we’ve all been trying to combat?? if skinny is your requirement for a guy to be attractive, you need to reassess yourself. the whole freaking culture is teaching people, especially youth like myself, that you need to be skinny to be attractive, that you can’t be fat and you can’t be a little thicker and that skinny = good, anything else = bad. I don’t know how to say this any other way except it is blatant fatphobia culture at work. this is coming from a skinny underweight kid, by the way. this isn’t me crying over “not being good enough.”

Second, youthful looks. Is this one a surprise? nope, neither was the last one though. Yet another lgbtq+ generation is being raised to have this toxic mentality. You don’t have to be a twink to be gay, sure, but don’t you think idealizing this one specific body type is harmful? can’t you see it? all the mlm teens thinking they’ve got to be slimmer, they’ve got to lose some weight, they’ve got to eat less? all because they want to be attractive? this is real, this isn’t just hot guys on the internet. sorry, I guess I’m still on the skinny thing. it’s pretty upsetting once you see it, y’know. I can tell you now that this is my least succinct rant ever oop. anyway, youth itself is being put on a pedestal as it is - “high school/college are the best years of your life” “it only goes downhill from here” and of course, every birthday after 25 is more and more shameful.

If you don’t understand (or rather, see) society’s obsession with being young already, I’m not going to explain that to you. I also won’t be explaining the gross culture of men dating far younger women, and how yes, the queer community does the same thing and it’s disgusting. if you don’t see the gross and predatory age gaps, I’m not gonna bother telling you about it. that’s not the whole point of this post, I guess. it’s just tying in the points of toxicity within twink culture, kinda just pointing stuff out.

Now onto a couple other points. One being, you guessed it, ~white supremacy~. or racism, that too. I’m white, so I can’t speak for any people of color, but I can say that as a white guy who also happens to be skinny, it seems super easy to fit into twink criteria. I’ve also seen some men/boys of color claim to be twinks, and while I think that’s great that they (or you, perhaps) have pushed the boundaries, I do still think there’s an issue here, ‘cause the definition of a twink is still white. it’s always about white guys, it’s right there in the theorized origins of twink, whether it be a twinkie being pale/filled with cream or whatever, or t.w.i.n.k. “teenage, white, into no kink” I think we can all see that that’s... not great. Again, some mlm of color have decided to be twinks anyway, and that’s great for them, but the obvious white idealization and the rest of the toxic culture still exists.

I don’t really have a clear and concise argument for this, but another thing to mention is that a commonly heard preference is twinks being hairless? as in, shaving everything or whatever. and that’s... well, we could get into misogyny and pedo stuff, and again with the loving “youthful looks” all over in society, *cough cough* hairless is a pre-pubescent trait oop (I can see it as a preference but again, making a trait for a whole subset of people in the community? idk maybe that’s just me being weird with this one). yet another stupid beauty standard put on young guys tho

Something I read a bit about was how twinks are kind of just “dumb bottoms” or something? and that it feeds into anti-bottom and feminine culture and all of that, which ultimately probably leads back go misogyny and gender roles and that shabang that I don’t know well enough to explain (feel free to do so if you can put words together better than me right now, I’d love to hear it).

As a (skinny, white) trans guy, it’s easy to want to be a part of this culture. it’d be so easy, right? I automatically look younger without T, and I’m literally as skinny as it gets - I could be a twink if I wanted to, and then I’d “fit in” with cis gay culture (which is an issue a lot of us mlm trans guys face, the whole fear of being rejected by a cis guy for not being “male enough”). I get it if this is hard to be told. but we can’t just use our privilege like this, especially without acknowledging all the toxic aspects to it. besides, we won’t all look young forever. you can’t look like a twink forever. it will outgrow you, and you will be left with the rest of the people who were never allowed in.

That’s about all I can personally say in my messy summarization, but here are some links that helped me 1. feel confident enough to put this take out there after a year of wondering if I was just alone in my thinking and 2. organize my thoughts a little better (well, a week ago when I first made a post, at least):

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/gay-culture-twink-grindr-body-image-eating-disorders-a8360001.html

https://thoughtcatalog.com/brett-nolan/2018/05/the-eternal-age-of-the-twink/

https://johnsovec.com/article-lgbt-issues/111-from-twink-to-troll-age-ism-in-gay-culture

https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/culture/olly-alexander-explains-why-he-doesnt-like-being-called-a-twink/

**These mostly touch on the youthful and skinny appearance aspects, just to note

if you don’t really understand or like my phrasing, BY ALL MEANS, PLEASE READ THE ARTICLES.

TL;DR? Here.

Twink culture supports:

ageism/sexualizing of youth

white supremacy/racism

fatphobia

bottom shaming

likely deep rooted misogyny

Please reblog and add your own thoughts. Do not say transphobic or random insults, they’ll just get deleted. I don’t care about your bigotry, I care about trying to learn and make our community a better place. If I’ve said something wrong, please let me know privately or in an understanding reblog lmao I really do want to learn and hear from others, I don’t mean any harm.

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jemelle · 4 years

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so today (august 21) is fanfiction writers’ appreciation day! and while i appreciate fanfiction authors every day of the year, i thought today would be a great day to make an official rec list! (all of these are rated teen or below)

@ssa-lesbian - andy is my official 2am angst dealer, my co-partner in crime for all things jelle, and possibly the only person other than me who currently ships jemelle. everything they write is perfection (and will probably make you cry), but i especially recommend:

- don’t you know you have my eyes Rosalyn always made time for her little sister. (Contains graphic descriptions of suicide, descriptions of self-harm, reference to CSA/pedophilia)

- i’m in love and you’ve got me, runaway On the way back from a case, JJ gets a phone call and then a text. (jelle, nothing but fluff)

- this is how i will love you, even as the world goes on its wicked way The fever comes two days after landing in Paris. (jemily, angsty af, content / trigger warning: fever, vomiting, curse words, implied suicide ideation.)

@heat-waveee - lauren’s first-ever cm fic was inspired by a post i made, a fact i take great delight in! since then, she’s published some of my favorite jemily fics ever and puts out quality content across the board. i’m woefully behind on reading her fics, but here are my recommendations:

- even if we never showed it publicly emily prentiss takes a moment to stop being ambassador prentiss’ daughter, and just be emily. a girl in love. (jemily, fluffy as all get out)

- what’s yours will find you jj: “I must have really bad taste in men” (jemily, also super soft)

@spncereid - leah is the only person whose spencer x reader fics i read (i feel like that should be endorsement enough), and they absolutely never disappoint!! i love her and her writing and i even heard there might be a reader x emily in the works? recs:

- blow us all away. just a perfectly lovely aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader, fluff galore

- thunder spencer x gender neutral reader, also very fluffy

@postapocalyptic-cryptic - listen i’m just going to leave a link to shannon’s ao3 because i can’t pick a favorite gen story!! i am such a sucker for cm gen and the characterization in these fics is perfect. special mention to Aaron Hotchner vs. the World, which i am in the process of reading (it’s taking a long time because i keep on stopping to scream about how awesome it is)

other fics i’ve really enjoyed!

Ready to be Loved by @agntprentiss: emily prentiss loves her girlfriend, but she hasn’t told the bau about her. when a night at rossi’s throws a wrench in their anniversary plans, she needs to decide if she’s ready to be loved for who she really is. (emily prentiss x fem!reader, makes my heart very warm)

running away, across an ocean by @qvid-pro-qvo: aaron hotchner x fem!reader, taking place before and during “it takes a village” (maybe you thought i only liked fluff? well this fic will break your heart)

in the dark. by @winterscaptain: the new bau member and hotch are already a thing and they try to keep it hidden (and they do for a like a month) before someone makes the connection. (aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader, one day i will set aside time to finish reading tali’s masterlist but for now this will do)

First Kisses by @smoothcriminal-minds: jemily, what it says on the tin, so cute

State Your Name for the Record by @notyouranswers: Gideon means “mighty warrior”, because of course it does. Jason means “healer”. Thinking about it, Hotch decides the contradiction there makes as much sense as anything about Gideon does. (impeccable character studies like this one>>>)

Nightmares by @veraiconcos: Elle is plagued with nightmares after being shot in her own home, but reader is there to comfort her when she needs it. (elle greenaway x gender neutral reader, elle deserved softness like this in canon)

i am Always looking for more fic to read and i ship just about anything, so please feel free to rec more people/fics to me!!

#celie talks #i think i gave myself carpal writing this #my arm hurts real bad #but this was so worth it #long post

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terry-perry · 4 years

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The Unimaginable

Pairing: Dad!Bucky Barnes x Mom!Reader

Warning: Mourning of a dead loved one

Child OCs: Teddy Barnes, Emily Barnes

A/N: Now here’s part 2 to this imagine. Like its predecessor, this will be angsty AF. Based off this song.

Enjoy!

“There are moments that the words don’t reach

There is suffering too terrible to name

You hold your child as tight as you can

And push away the unimaginable...”

“Honey,” Bucky called out to you through the door. “Y/N, the kids and I are heading out. Are you sure you don’t wanna join us?”

Like it’s been for the last couple of months, he didn’t get much of a response. He sighed and let his forehead rest against the bedroom door for a moment. It had been an unwanted journey that came from witnessing a loved one’s death. And each of you had been doing what you could to move on from all this.

It wasn’t like death and tragedy was a new thing for you and Bucky. There was no hiding from the heartbreak and grief that came from what you did. But this was one that hit closer to home. Making more of an impact on each member of the Barnes’ household.

Jack and Teddy always seemed to share a similar bravery and taste for adventure. It’s why you and Bucky had seen great potential in your boys. Because even when knowing the risks that came with certain situations, they never hesitated to press onward. It’s what motivated the fifteen-year-old to stay strong and help out his parents with anything. Whether it was tending to the house or help take care of his baby sister Emily.

And Emily, she never ceased to be the light of the family. When Bucky wasn’t checking on you, she was. Making you find the strength to display a small smile for the nine-year-old as you would let her comfort you for a moment with a snuggle.

And it was Teddy and Emily that suggested going to church. Proving to Bucky once again that his kids were better than him in every way by seemingly being able to cope with the loss in a healthy way. It was mostly you that he was concerned about.

You were the one that had been struggling the most with your emotions. You had isolated yourself from everyone, only making your presence known when needed. Since everything, you preferred staying in your own world and would lie in between the covers, feeling so broken and small. You’ve already done a good amount of screaming and crying.

Now all you wanted to do was sink into a deep, dark hole.

Bucky sat down while he let Teddy and Emily kneel down to say their prayers. He was never much of a religious man, and nowadays he just felt too numb to even give it a try. Though he wouldn’t dissuade his children from being spiritual. Especially if it brought them a sense of comfort that he hadn’t been able to do. He observed them, listening to their hushed voices as they put their hands together and closed their eyes.

He was able to catch a few words, not meaning to eavesdrop. But then he heard his daughter mumble some things that made him think she wasn’t exactly talking to a known deity. Knowing she wouldn’t mind, he decided to ask her about it after the service was over.

“Were you talking to your brother, cupcake?”

Emily nodded, looking up to give her dad her best comforting smile. “I always do when we come to church. After I finish praying with everyone else, I make some time to talk to Jack. Let him know what we’ve been up to, and that we miss him.”

He didn’t know how to take that. So he just smiled back at her.��

Bucky dropped the kids off at Sam’s and made his way back home. But it was only to park and check up on you before deciding to take a walk.

This had become a habit of his. After taking the children to church, he’d drop them off either at home or a friend’s then wander aimlessly through the city. He didn’t know why. Something to help get his mind off things, he supposed.

He walked a good length that day as he found himself uptown. He gave the area a look around. It all reminded him of the neighborhood he grew up in. His sights landed on his reflection from a nearby building. His hair had started to grey while the darkness under his eyes began to grow.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had a decent night’s rest. Especially in his own bed. And like you, his thoughts brought a good amount of insomnia to them as he did his best to ignore the disorder within.

Despite the warm breeze that rustled the trees and bent the strands of grass, he felt cold. The sun peered behind the clouds, but not even the sunshine could warm the chill that ran through his bones. That was until he walked past a nearby park. He noticed the way the flowers bloomed there, and the young children squealing in delight in the playground had the corners of his lips perk up an inch.

The words of his little girl resonated within him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. The aching in his chest diminished enough for him to speak lowly to himself.

“You’d like it here,”

----

Slowly, very slowly, you sat from your bed. As you did so, you felt more alive and more aware of your own living body than ever before. Why had you never appreciated what a miraculous thing this was? You don’t know what it was, but you decided to finally get up and leave the room to see what was going on with everyone else. Right as you opened the door, Bucky came into the house and froze from seeing you up.

“Hey,” he said. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you croaked out, your voice somewhat weak from not being in use all day. “Where are the kids?”

“They’re spending the night at Sam’s,”

“Oh,”

Neither of you knew what to say next. But with this sudden energy you had, you decided to use this time to find a way to clear your head.

“Can we go for a walk?”

----

The two of you took a stroll through the city hand-in-hand. Bucky’s metal one was a good reassurance that helped control your trembling. And once you calmed down, you breathed in the sights of the city. The smell of the grass, the air on your face. You never realized how much you have taken for granted as you’ve become more aware of your own life.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been handling this better,” you said, tearing up. “Especially since we still have our two other babies. They shouldn’t have to see their mother like this.”

Bucky immediately took your face in his hands, giving you a warm smile not unlike the one Emily gave him hours ago.

“I haven’t exactly been the best with this either,” he confessed to you with his own watery eyes. “Part of me still thinks he’s away at school. And I know that if I could trade his life for mine, he’d be standing here right now.”

You held each other then as you both released some tears and took comfort in each other’s arms. Both of you realizing how much you’ve missed the other from the way you nuzzled his broad chest while he rubbed his nose against your hair.

You were both finally laying it all out and sharing your grief. Although it was painful, it felt strangely relieving to let it out in the open instead of keeping it all to yourselves.

“I can’t pretend to know the challenges we’ve been facing these past several weeks.” He uttered. “I know that it will most likely continue to suck for a while. But we don’t have to keep doing this alone.”

You peered up at him, your chapped lips cracking from the smile you gave him.

“We can’t fall apart. I want us to keep going through this together.”

As you both continued to hold each other, you focused your thoughts on your loving, patient husband and your two beautiful kids. You still had reasons to keep moving forward. There would be a lot to discuss. But now was not the time to worry. For the moment, your mind could not withstand anymore troublesome thoughts.

This was all you needed right now.

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ssa-thotchnerr · 4 years

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I just had an angsty idea! Dad!hotch being angry af because daughter is missing cerfew (something she's never done) and he doesn't know it yet but his daughter was in a bad car wreck. And he's calling her phone, grumbling about how he's gonna ground her but when the line connects, its a doctor at a hospital. And idk make it angsty as you want but end in fluff? Idk. It jusy popped into my head and wont go away lol

Changed this a little!

—

Hotch groaned as he received another dead ended call from your phone. It was the 6th time that night he’d called you to see where you were, and he’d heard nothing from you since you told him you were heading home. You had a reasonable curfew, 9pm, and before this, you’d never missed it. But the hour of 11 was quickly ending, and so was your dads period of trying to be calm. He decided he would try calling you again.

“Y/N Hotchner, you are grounded until college,” Hotch mumbled angrily, thankful that Jack was at Jessica’s for the weekend. When the line picked up, Hotch prepared to get a stupid excuse that he would have given when he was your age.

“Hello?” That wasn’t you. “Is this Aaron Hotchner?” The person on the other side of the phone asked.

“Yes, who is this?” Hotch asked, narrowing his eyes as he stood up from the couch.

“My name is Dr Marcus Steedman, I’m here at Stafford Hospital. Your daughter Y/N was brought in an hour ago with multiple different injuries and a knife wound to her abdomen,” He said. Your dad was pretty sure he felt his heart drop at that very moment, it felt as though all time had stopped and he was living in slow motion, the words echoing in his head.

A knife wound.

“Is she alright?” Hotch asked.

“She’s in the OR right now, we’re confident she’ll recover, Mr. Hotchner, but before she was put under she requested you be here,” The doctor said. Hotch was already a step ahead of him and was already on his way to the hospital.

“I need to see my daughter,” Hotch said as he made his way to the front desk. The woman looked up from her computer at the puffed out agent in front of her.

“Her name and your relation to the patient ?” She asked.

“Y/N Hotchner, and I’m her father,” He answered, looking around nervously. The receptionist typed on her computer before looking up at your dad again, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“You’re just in time, she’s out and awake,” she said, making your dad visibly relax. “She’s down the hall, fourth door on the left.” She told him.

“Thank you,” Hotch said as he walked away from the desk and straight towards where the receptionist told him you were. He walked into the room and froze. He’d seen awful things during his time as an FBI agent, but nothing came as hard as seeing his oldest child having lost so much blood, they had to give more.

It made him realise he wanted to switch places with you in an instant.

You hadn’t noticed him yet, you were still toying with the edges of to hospital blanket covering your legs. As you looked around, that was when you saw him.

“Dad,” You breathed out, tears coming to your eyes as he came over to you. “I’m so sorry, daddy.” You cried, sobbing into his shoulder as you hugged him. Hotch sighed, a sliver of relief flooding him knowing he could hold you.

“Don’t be sorry, honey, this wasn’t your fault,” He assured you, sitting beside you in one of the hospital chairs. “Can you tell me what happened?” He asked you, taking your hand.

“These-these guys that go to my school were trying to-to do stuff with my friend, i-I think they tried to drug her or something. And when-when I tried to stop them they got really angry,” You said, looking down at your lap. Hotch could see how angry they had gotten. You had a cut that went through your eyebrow, a split lip, countless bruises and a stab wound. “I-I didn’t think they’d stab me, though.” You laughed dryly, looking up at your dad.

“We never think they will,” He said, smiling at you sadly as he squeezed your hand. “When I tried to call you, the doctor answered, he was about to get grounded until he went to college.” Your dad said, making you laugh.

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alipeeps · 3 years

Text

New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)!

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped!

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine.

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy, @arlothia, @howdydowdy, @thepromiseweheldforlife and @the-wandering-whumper!

#meme #fandom #crushes

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ahtohallan-calling · 4 years

Text

my heart | an angsty af dragon age (bc why not combine my two greatest loves) au for kristanna smut week | somewhere on the border of t and m | 2.7k

This is the way it is with them; he takes blows meant for her; she patches him up after and calls him vhenan, and neither of them dares to ask the other what they mean by it. He was her first partner when she left her clan and joined the Wardens seven years ago, and she has never had another-- never will have another, now that they both have heard the calling start to sing in the back of their minds and know that this expedition will be their last. She can never decide if it is more like poetry or a sick joke that after working so hard to keep each other alive now they will watch each other die.

(you don’t need to have played DA to know what’s going on!)

a/n: okay i think i explained everything well enough in the fic for people who haven’t played the game, but basically kristoff and anna are grey wardens, aka part of an order/army whose job is to protect everyone else from darkspawn which are basically like. monsters? and anyway part of becoming a grey warden is doing this ritual where u drink darkspawn blood (ew) and you can sense them but then over time the evil shit gets stronger in you and you feel them calling to you so before you go crazy and hurt people you go die fighting them in the deep roads

for people who have played the game, in this au anna is a dalish elf, kristoff is a human from the anderfels, and this is set during da:i when all the wardens hear the calling at the same time

---

It's easier to ignore the singing in her blood when he looks at her that way.

"You alright?" he asks gruffly, and she shakes her head, not taking her eyes off his. "Where?" is his next question, and already he's moving to look her over without even pausing to swipe at the blood sliding down his cheek.

"My ankle," she says, and when he comes over she takes the chance to lean up on her toes and wipe at it herself with her sleeve to make sure the gash it pours from isn't too deep.

She trembles with the effort of supporting herself on her screaming ankle; she can already feel it swelling and pressing against the confines of her boot. It is just a sprain; she has had worse, but tonight he will fret over it, dress and wrap it himself and ask her a thousand times if it pains her still, if there is something more he can do.

You have done enough, she will tell him; he was only hurt in the first place because he shoved her aside to block a blow that had bounced off the top of his shield and landed beneath his eye. And though it saved her, and then she saved him in return by cutting down the monster from behind before nocking an arrow to kill its last fellow before it could howl for aid-- still he will blame himself for it, worry over it even more than usual, and all the while she will love him so ardently she wonders if beyond the Veil it will still be a part of her. And yet she will say nothing, and neither will he.

This is the way it is with them; he takes blows meant for her; she patches him up after and calls him vhenan, and neither of them dares to ask the other what they mean by it. He was her first partner when she left her clan and joined the Wardens seven years ago, and she has never had another-- never will have another, now that they both have heard the Calling start to sing in the back of their minds and know that this expedition will be their last. She can never decide if it is more like poetry or a sick joke that after working so hard to keep each other alive now they will watch each other die.

It is a part of the vow she took years ago, that when she hears the music of the dark places calling to her she will go to them, will meet her end there and take as many darkspawn down with her as she can. The fact that Kristoff will die there with her is both a comfort and an agonizing pain.

She is selfish, though; she is smaller, weaker in close combat like what they will find in the place under the earth where the monsters are born, and so she knows she will fall first and is grateful for it. He knows it, too; sometimes at night she wakes to the sound of him tossing and turning and muttering her name, increasingly panicked until she creeps over to his bedroll and wakes him with a cool hand pressed to his cheek, as it is now, lingering though she has wiped it clean and now the blood merely oozes from the wound.

“Lean on me as we walk,” he says, already setting a hand on her lower back. “I do not know how long it will be until we find a shelter. I don’t want you to make it worse.”

They both know they will need to rest for more than a night this time; it was a hard battle after a grueling week, and so sleeping under the stars will not do, especially when it looks like rain and when she can tell he is hiding the rest of his injuries from her. She shakes her head. “No. I saw you take that blow to the ribs. I don’t want you to make it worse.”

It is the oldest argument between them; they would both rather go without than take from the other. She would rather die now than lean on him when he is hurting.

(She wouldn't, not really, not when the end is already so close, and she still hasn't told him what vhenan means. Then again, he doesn't ask, and she is beginning to think he has known all along.)

They find a compromise; he strips off his breastplate with her help so that the cold metal doesn't knock against his injuries, and she carries it on her back with her pack. Then and only then does she lean against his less-injured side, and they hobble together through the fields in the fading light.

By some miracle, they crest a hill, and she sights a lone structure just at the edge of the forest. Her stomach lurches at the sight; they are here on another patrol and due to return to the keep next month, but if the Calling keeps growing louder, there is an entrance to the Deep Roads just on the other side of the wood; this could be the last time they stand together like this, out in the open with the sunset painting his hair golden--

"Anna," he says softly, bringing her back from the precipice. Somehow he always knows when it is about to be too much for her, just as she knows that her touch is the only thing that will chase away his nightmares.

Once when she was young and thought she knew better, she heard a story about soulmates and laughed. Now she sees the way his eyes soften when they meet hers, feels his hand squeeze her shoulder, and she could weep for love of him, vaster than anything else she has ever known and still not enough to halt the inevitable.

They draw closer to the building; to her surprise, judging by the stained glass and the statue of a woman reaching for the heavens, it’s a chantry, but the doors are hanging off the hinges, and a tree has fallen against it and never been moved, leaving a small hole in the roof.

“I thought you humans loved your chantries,” she says, genuinely curious.

He is frowning above her. “We do. I do not know how this one came to be abandoned.”

There are so many ways, none of them pleasant, and her mind lingers on them until they are inside, the only sound the clinking of the armor and the tapping of their boots on the stone. Dust motes rise up and swirl around them in the last streams of sunlight, but their eyes are drawn to the statue at the front, the bride of the Maker with her palms cupped before her, hoping to catch a modicum of mercy. Anna keeps to the gods of her people, and Kristoff keeps to none, but still both of them stand silent for a moment of reverence.

It is so quiet she can hear him when he swallows hard. He looks down at her, deep brown eyes as solemn as if he were still looking at the statue. “I try to pray sometimes. To Andraste, to the Maker, even to the gods of your people, but I...I cannot bring myself to do it.”

“Why not?”

There is something new in his expression, something that is making her chest ache. “There is only one thing I have ever been able to put my faith in, vhenan.”

The shock of her language on his lips nearly knocks the wind from her. “You do not know what that word means.”

“Then tell me.”

She has called him that for six years, and this is the first time he has ever asked, and she longs to tell him and see him smile, but greater than that is the fear that somehow he still does not know, that she has imagined all that lies between them, and so instead she breaks his gaze and says, “You need to sit down. Let me look at your injuries.”

“You’re the one with a sprained ankle. You need to sit more than I do.”

“Then sit with me,” she huffs out, and he gives her that easy grin that he keeps only for her.

They sit together on the set of stairs that lead to the sanctuary; she peels off her boots with a sigh of relief, freeing her swollen ankle from the confines of leather. She glances over at him and sees he is gritting his teeth, and so she guides him to lean back against the altar, taking some of the weight off his injured torso. “Let me see,” she asks, and though this is hardly the first time she has seen his bare chest they both blush as she helps him remove his shirt.

Ugly purple and black bruises stain the left side of his chest, spreading from his ribs. She cannot help but wince at the sight. “You’ve got to stop taking hits for me,” she chastises him.

“You would have died.”

“Perhaps not. And besides, you could have died, too.”

He closes his eyes. “What does it matter? Our time is coming to a close anyway, vhenan.”

It takes her breath away again, the sound of that word in his mouth. It frightens her that suddenly he is so intent on saying it, on finding out why she always has. “Stop saying that. You don’t know what it means.”

“You call me it every day.”

“Yes.”

“So why can I not say it back?”

“Because-- because you do not know what it means--”

“Then tell me.”

Her hand settles on his chest, and she feels him stiffen beneath her touch, but he does not pull away. Her magic is paltry compared to her sisters, but it’s enough that when she traces her fingertips down around the blue edges of bruising, she can ease some of the pain. He lets out a sigh of relief, then frowns, opening his eyes again to look at her. “You cannot distract me from this. I will know. Tell me.”

“I am,” she whispers, “Kristoff, I am.”

Somehow she has drawn so close to him as she works that her nose is brushing against his cheek; he realizes it at the same time and sucks in a breath, his stomach flattening against her palm. If he turns just a little--

“I thought today I might see you cut down before me,” he says, his voice strained. “And I know soon enough I will, and I-- I have spent every night these past years telling myself ‘tomorrow, tomorrow you will tell her, tomorrow you will find the courage’, and now--”

He does turn then, and when their lips meet all the rest of it falls away. There is only the warmth of his skin beneath her hand, the way his sighs brush up against her own, and he is all life and breath and if only they can keep kissing it will stay that way forever.

A crack of thunder sounds then, and they both startle enough to stop, but they do not pull away. He rests her forehead against hers, his eyes still closed and his swollen lips turning up into a smile.

“My heart,” she says, her voice barely audible above the pattering of the rain. “Vhenan.”

“We are fools, the both of us,” he says hoarsely. “Seven years, and only now--”

“I know.”

He kisses her again, though this time not so gently. His tongue slips past her lips, brushes against her own, and she opens herself to him with a sigh, pressing as close as she can without fear of hurting him.

“Your armor,” he murmurs against her lips, and she cannot help but laugh.

“I forgot I was wearing it. Here, I--”

She leans back and pulls off her shoulder guards, the leather breastplate and iron greaves, and tosses them aside; they land with a clang against a pew, and she blushes, knowing her enthusiasm will amuse him. But when she turns and meets his gaze, there is no trace of laughter in his eyes; instead there is only a dark heat, a hunger that sends a spark through her.

“Will you help with mine?” he asks, his voice low, and the spark coils and turns to flame.

She does so, removing the much heavier steel and setting it aside with care; when she pulls off his boots, he sighs with relief. Now he is nearly bare before her, wearing only a pair of homespun trousers that rarely see the light of day and currently leave little to the imagination.

Her mouth is dry when she moves within kissing distance again; she cannot help but set her trembling hands on his shoulders, tracing over the hard lines of muscle, as she moves to sit astride his lap. His arms circle around her waist, keeping her close, and he presses a kiss to the pulse point beneath her jaw.

Her head falls back, braids slipping over her shoulders, and he takes advantage of it to bring his mouth lower, tracing a burning line down her neck and over her collarbones before settling his forehead against her shoulder, his nose brushing against the hollow of her throat. She brings her hand up to card through his hair, her fingers stroking slowly through the blond strands.

“Vhenan,” she whispers, and he shivers beneath her. “Ar lath ma.”

“I love you, too.”

“I was worried-- so worried-- that I would never find the time to tell you, that when we went--”

“But you did,” he said, his voice rough. “You told me, and I told you, and now-- now we have a little time, at least, to do with as we wish.”

His fingers curl in the back of her shirt as he speaks, and suddenly it almost pains her that she is still in it. “What do you wish for, then?”

He lifts his head to meet her gaze, his eyes darker than she has ever seen them. “You. All that you are willing to give.”

“What will you give me in return?” she asks, shocking herself with the boldness of her words.

He presses a kiss to one of her cheekbones, just where the edges of the dark vallaslin tattooed there entwine with her freckles. “Everything.”

“Then you can have it all. It was yours to begin with,” she says, leaning back just long enough to pull off her shirt before crushing her lips against his once more.

He reacts immediately, hips rocking up beneath her as he clutches her to his chest, so close she cannot tell where her heartbeat ends and his begins. She lets out a little gasp and tightens her grip on his shoulders, wondering at how quickly the embers she has carried so long have burst into a roaring flame, and then his teeth scrape over a sensitive spot on her collarbone and she cries out his name, “Kristoff,” her own sort of hymn echoing off the walls of this sacred place.

His breathing is ragged against her skin. “Anna, my heart, I-- I wish this were somewhere beautiful, somewhere besides a stone floor where you could look up and see the stars--”

“Just you. That’s enough.”

He groans. “Seven years-- I can’t believe we’ve waited this long--”

She huffed out an exasperated sigh. “Then stop making me wait even longer.”

He doesn’t after that; it’s fast and needy and awkward more than once, in no small part because neither of them bothered to fully remove their pants, but when he shudders against her, panting her name, she lets out a sigh of contentment and lets herself sag back against the stone floor.

“Worth the wait, I think,” she says, reaching up to trail her fingers down his jaw.

He catches her hand and kisses each fingertip in turn, sending a new jolt of yearning to break through the haze of her afterglow. “I should have said something years ago.”

“So should I.”

He moves to lay beside her, his fingers blindly finding hers and tangling with them. She closes her eyes; trying to ignore the whisper of the Calling that is somehow louder now that she has at last found something that blocks it out. “At least we still have now,” he says, his voice barely audible, and she squeezes his hand, knowing that if she dares to speak aloud he will realize that beside him, she is weeping.

#god only knows where this came from i really meant to do litot SORRY #kristanna smut week 2020 #my fics #da au

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the--sad--hatter · 5 years

Text

Phantom Pain (30)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU

PAIRING - Bucky X Reader

WARNINGS - Bad Habits and Rough Sex, Angsty and Dark AF.

DESCRIPTION - Everybody in the world knew of you, but not who you really were. Some called you a vigilante, some called you a criminal and some called you a hero but all of them called you The Phantom.

Only two people knew your real identity and they swore to never tell anyone but when The Avengers need to infiltrate a high-security facility, Bruce Banner deduces that you’re the only one who can pull it off. That decision puts you and Bucky Barnes on a path you can’t turn back from, even if neither of like where it’s leading.

Series Masterlist

Chapter Thirty - Title Of Your Sex Tape

When you and Bucky walked back into the compound, hand in hand and smiling softly at one another you had every intention on going to the nearest bedroom and locking yourselves inside. Instead you were accosted by Tony who literally wriggled between you to separate you and dragged you into his lab, forcing Bucky to follow you.

“We need a debrief from you two.” Steve said apologetically.

“Ugh. Fine.” You sighed.

Bucky smiled at you and took your hand.

“This other Phantom….” Bucky started.

“The Vengeful Spirit you might say.” Tony interrupted.

“I’m going to go with Poltergeist because so far this Phantom is little more than a nuisance.” You cut in.

“Mine is better.” Tony argued.

“Mine is less of a mouthful. Title of your sex tape.” You rebutted.

“The Poltergeist doesn’t know you’re The Phantom which gives us an edge.” Bucky continued, cutting over your and Tony’s squabbling.

“It means his next attack on you will likely fail because even though you kicked his ass, he’s still going to underestimate you.” Tony said.

“And he won’t be expecting any of us to know exactly what a Phantom is capable of.” Bucky added.

“So what exactly is a Phantom capable of and what are it’s weaknesses?” Steve asked you.

“Well Vibranium obviously. It’s immutable, it can’t be changed so it can’t be made intangible. A Phantom trying to phase Vibranium answers the old riddle; what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force? Vibranium is the immovable object and it wins.” You said.

“So A Phantom can be hurt by a Vibranium weapon and if we get Vibranium on or into them, they can’t ghost.” Tony summed up.

“He’ll also most likely have the same weaknesses as you, whenever he ghosts it expends a lot of energy and he can’t keep it up forever.” Bucky said.

“And don’t forget Loki. Loki can see us, The Poltergeist won’t know that. Which makes him our secret weapon and our best chance at taking him down. Give him the knife.” You told them.

“Alright. You don’t go anywhere alone without me, Bucky or Loki as an escort for the time being. We all have Vibranium weapons so we’re the three that have the best chance of protecting you.” Steve decided.

“Do I really need to be babysat? That works alright when I’m Miss King but what about when I’m The Phantom, out there on the streets? I can’t take an Avenger out vigilanteing with me, and he doesn’t know I’m the Phantom. If he does approach me, it won’t be to attack me, it’ll most likely be out of curiosity.” You pointed out.

“She’s right. She can look after herself. She decimated him, without using any of her abilities. She can take him if he tries to fight her.” Bucky argued in your defence.

You smiled lovingly at him, preening under the praise and he smiled back at you.

“Ugh, you’re making me feel nauseous.” Tony complained.

“Title of Pepper’s Sex Tape!” You crowed.

“Can everybody please just behave?” Steve asked in exasperation.

You and Tony’s shared a look, you both knew it had to be done.

“Title of your Sex Tape!” You said to Steve in unison.

“What is wrong with you two?” Steve asked in exasperation.

“Alphabetically or chronologically?” Clint quipped.

“I’m perfectly innocent, or I was before I met Snark. He’s rubbing off on me.” You joked.

“Title of your Sex Tape?” Steve asked before anyone else could say at and you beamed at him proudly.

“Princess, I’m updating the security protocols again. See if you can sneak in and out of the building without alerting Friday.” Tony suggested.

“Again? We’ve been through this Snark. Friday’s good…”

“Amazing.” Friday interrupted.

“Amazing, but she just can’t see me if I’m invisible.” You sighed.

“That was before we figured out you had a real weakness.” Tony argued.

“What you gonna do, line the building with Vibranium. How much did that little box cost?” You asked.

“A few million.” Tony mumbled.

“A FEW MILLION?! YOU SPENT A FEW MILLION TO RICKROLL ME?” You shrieked.

Tony looked shifty but before he could respond, Natasha poked her head into the room.

“Guys, we have something. 22 year old male just checked into Brooklyn Medical Centre with a dislocated shoulder.” She said.

The four of you sprang into action, or rather you sprang into action and the three of them turned to glare at you.

“How does you going help exactly? You don’t deliver yourself to your enemy.” Tony said, bopping you on the nose, pulling his hand away when you snapped your teeth at his fingers.

“Take Loki. Have him go in, invisible. The first time Loki did that to me, I didn’t know. If the guy acknowledges Loki at all, he’s our Poltergeist.” You suggested.

“I’ll take Loki and Nat.” Bucky said.

You pouted slightly and tried to hide it but he saw it and chuckled, kissing you on the lips on his way out of the door.

“Wait up for me Domniţă, our date isn’t finished.” He said suggestively.

Steve glared at Bucky and you laughed.

“Surprise, Bucky’s not a virgin.” You said, wiggling your eyebrows at him.

“Title of my sextape.” you added as an afterthought.

Tony sniggered and wandered across the room and you frowned after him.

“Hey Cap?” You whispered.

“What?” He whispered back, looking at you curiously.

“Did Tony seem like he was acting weird when I brought up the Vibranium cell?” You asked him.

“Do you think he had another reason for building it?” Steve asked, frowning.

“Maybe… Maybe not. It’s probably nothing.” You said, shrugging it off and wandering out of the room after Bucky.

“Tony…”

“What’s happenin Captain?” Tony asked without looking up from his screen where he was looking over the security system

“Why did you build the cell?”

“Just in case.” Tony said nonchalantly.

“In case of what?” Steve pressed.

“Trust me Cap, you’re better off not knowing.” Tony said, turning his back on Steve.

“Tony.” Steve warned.

Tony looked up from the tablet but didn’t turn around.

“I don’t want her to know, she can’t know. Bruce and I decided it was best.” Tony said heavily.

“The last time you and Bruce kept a secret, you created Ultron.” Steve pointed out.

“This isn’t like that. We’re protecting her from the truth.” Tony insisted.

“The last time someone on this team kept a secret to protect someone’s feeling, it didn’t go so well.” Steve said guiltily.

Tony sighed and slammed down the tablet, almost cracking it.

“This doesn’t leave this room, do you understand me?” Tony said.

“I’m not agreeing to that. Tell me what you’re hiding and then I’ll decide if it needs to be kept a secret.” Steve demanded.

“You don’t get it. Princess is volatile, always has been. Some of those tabloid rumours have an ounce of truth in them. Too much bad news and she’ll cut and run, and she’s already had a lot.” Tony argued.

“Tony!” Steve snapped.

“Alright… Alright fine.” Tony said.

Unseen by the two men you leaned in closer, desperate to know what Tony and apparently Bruce had been hiding.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“The kid wasn’t our guy, ghost.” Natasha said as her, Bucky and Loki came in.

Bucky looked around the common room for you and when he didn’t see you turned and headed for you room instead.

You weren’t in there so he checked his room but you weren’t there either. He was about to ask Friday to locate you when he saw a slip of paper on his pillow. Somehow he knew what it was going to say before he picked it up.

His heart seized in his chest as he unfolded it slowly. He reminded himself he’d been expecting this, expecting you to freak out and that he could find you and calm you down. He had known how closed off you were going in. He could fix this, no matter what that piece of paper said.

Only, when he read it he realised he couldn’t. He couldn’t fix this.

James,

I want to lie to you right now and break your heart because it would be kinder than the truth. I wish I could just tell you that I don’t want to do this anymore but even if I did, you would know it was a lie. Somehow you would just know.

So here’s the truth. I’m falling for you and it is terrifying, but in the best way. It’s the kind of fear that lets you know that you’re alive and take it from a dead girl, that’s important. Thank you for taking a chance on me and making me take a chance on you. If you hadn’t, I’d still be so lost. Closing my heart off kept me safe for so long but it also just caused more pain. Then you came along and absolutely demolished those walls.

If you’ve taught me anything its that the fear of losing someone you love shouldn’t stop you from loving them. So, with that in mind… I have something to tell you. If you want to hear it, meet me on the roof.

Yours (Forever yours) Domniţă xxx

There was nothing to fix.

The letter fluttered to the floor and he was out of the room before it landed. He rushed to the roof, ignoring the elevator and taking the stairs three at a time. He burst through the doors onto the roof and looked around frantically for you.

You were sat casually on a ledge, gazing up at the stars. When you heard the commotion, you stood up and looked over at him nervously.

“I take it you want to hear it?” You said apprehensively.

“Say it.” He ordered, strutting over to you.

“James Buchanan Barnes… I love you.”

He grabbed you almost violently as he crashed into you.

“I love you too.” He declared and picked you up, his lips colliding with yours an instant later.

Your heart soared as he spun you around, kissing you breathless.

You loved him and deep down you had known it for days now. You were tired of running from love but you were glad you had for so long because it led you here, to him.

And life was too short to waste such an epic love……

“Tony!” Steve snapped.

“Alright… Alright fine.” Tony said.

Unseen by the two men you leaned in closer, desperate to know what Tony and apparently Bruce had been hiding.

“It’s not a cage. It’s a bomb containment unit. Ever since Princess came out of the chamber, her cells have remained volatile. She absorbed the full force of a nuclear bomb. The radiation changed her genetic make up but that explosion? It’s INSIDE her. If she blows, we need a way to contain her. It’s unlikely, she’s gone so long without anything happening but Bruce and I are constantly monitoring her, just incase. I don’t want her to know because I don’t want her living with an axe dangling over her head.”

“Are you saying…”

“She’s volatile Cap, literally. One day, she could blow up. She’ll die, for real this time and if we don’t contain the explosion, she’ll take us with her. If she blows, the radiation that’s harmlessly sitting inside her cells will be released.”

Steve sat down heavily.

“She’s a walking nuclear bomb.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So good news and bad news!!!

It was important to Queenie's character development that she be the one who said it first... Not sure how Bucky's gonna take the news that she may or may not spontaneously combust at some point though :/

@drdorkus @gravedollie666 @sadsoldat @bigplantdaddy @moodyruth @likes-to-smell-books @shirukitsune @inquisitor-selvala @myfandomlife-blog @markusstraya @adeleoctobre @vajeenparty @sexyvixen7 @love-nakamura @buckitybarnes @littledeadrottinghood @pinkisokay @jsmith509 @brownlee-22 @angieptt @thosesexytexasboys @liveonce-sodoitright @tarastudiesalot @spnrvt @dahkness @dilaila95 @rororo06 @mizzzpink @release-the-cathyrchkn @thefridgeismybestie @fairislesheets @strangersstranger @life-wanderer @uuuuuuuuggggghhh @curiositykilledthepepe @musingpredilection @boxofteenageideas @thelostallycat @demonlover87 @cutie1365 @mcuthemusical @caroldanvers616 @chipilerendi @scarlettswxtch @undiscovered-misunderstood @itsmejessicasstuff @musingsofafangirlblog @moli1497 @deathofmissjackson @slxyangel @redlovett @moonlitvoyager

#hattersmarvelverse #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes

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