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hotwings0203 · 3 years

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I feel like Dabi would be the type of dude who would bully you incessantly at the LOV and for the life of you you can’t figure out why. He’s always around you and making snarky comments or pulling your hair, trying to catch you messing up on missions. You’re sure he hates you, and you do well to stay out of his way, or sometimes when you feel bold you’ll offer a quip of your own. The bullying increases whenever you talk to other guys at the bar, especially when you make Tomura crack a smile, Dabi’s breathing down your neck the second your leader leaves, calling you terrible names and pushing past your boundaries.

Cw: language, nsfw, noncon, manga spoilers, some angst?

In a perfect world, Touya would not have been abandoned and rejected by his family. In a perfect world, Dabi would not exist, and Touya would be eating dinner with his family right now as he shows his little brother how to properly wield fire to its fullest extent.

But there was no such thing as a perfect world, and therefore Dabi did exist. And Dabi doesn’t care for anyone, or anything.

Or so he tells himself.

“Slut”

“Nothing but eye candy, and shitty eye candy at that”

It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, but it doesn’t make it any easier to ignore him

“What was that all about, huh? The fuck are you and crusty snickering about?”

Fed up with his continuous antics, you decide to mouth off a little too.

“Oh nothing, just talking about how adorable you and Hawks would make as a couple. And wipe that sneer off your face, it looks like some of your staples fell out of your mouth.”

It’s nothing too snarky, but in a second he’s shoving you in some dark room, forearm pinned against your throat as his hand is lit up with blue flames merely inches away from you, snarling in your face.

“You wanna be funny, bitch? I got jokes of my own too, why dont I show you what happens to dumb little girls who don’t know their fucking place? I think that would be real funny.”

But his hand is stopped from drawing near your wide eyes when you both hear Twice and Toga calling everyone for their next meeting.

He pushes you away from him, giving you a murderous look over his shoulder as he leaves the room, not paying mind to the way you slide down the wall in the dark.

You take extra precaution to try avoiding him for the next few days, not even making eye contact with him when you two get teamed up for tasks. He never mentions the room incident, if anything he acts as if it never happens. It’s like whiplash for you, he tries to weirdly talk to you more but all you offer him is mumbles and hums of agreement.

The conversation is never long, but it starts to be less talk of degrading you and more of begrudging questioning of what you’ve been up to. You never engage, opting to pretend like you never heard him, and strangely enough he leaves it be.

You give him a side eye one day as he joins you at the bar (much to your discontent), downing your glass just to fill another.

He says nothing as he slides into the stool right next to you, and pours a glass of whiskey for himself as well.

It’s awkwardly silent, you’re not sure if you should leave or not, but you’d be damned if you try to initiate small talk with this psycho.

But then, he speaks.

“Is Shigaraki sending you on the mission to get that UA kid?”

His gravely voice rumbles and cracks from his usual lack of use, and he clears his throat after he talks.

“No.”

“Oh.”

This is excruciating, you think to yourself as he mulls over the drink in his hand for a silent minute or two.

Toga calls you over thankfully at the exact same moment, and you breathe out an inaudible sigh of relief as you slip off the stool to join her.

“Wait-“ Dabi grabs your arm and you flinch out of instinct, expecting a slap or a burn to come from him.

He sees your reaction and shakes his head dismissively, letting you go and muttering a “Nevermind”. You don’t ponder over it as you trip over your own feet to join the eccentric blond.

A week passes, and then two. With each day you maneuver your way around him, request to be partnered up with different people in private, and busy yourself in random tasks. Every time you pass him by the bar he lifts his head from whatever he’s doing and tries to maintain eye contact with you, even going so far as to open his mouth to say or ask god-knows-what.

You try to ignore the foreign hopeful glint in his glacial eyes as you walk right past him, ducking your head as you do so.

It drives Dabi crazy.

He can’t handle any more rejection, he thought his family would be the last straw for him to ever want recognition or love validation from again. He wants to talk to you, to hear your voice as it snaps back with witty comebacks of your own that he secretly enjoys so much, even if it means he has to force it out of you with hateful words. He wants to feel your hair underneath his scarred hands, even if he has to mask the soft wanting of you in forms of yanking the strands. He wants nothing more than to see your eyes fill up with no other sight than him and think only of him, even if it means he has to corner you and scare you into submission.

But your silence is something he’s not used to.

Well, to be fair, you weren’t silent completely, but the only sentences he was hearing from you nowadays was when you were speaking to Shigaraki or the other League members.

You were the only idiot who didn’t notice the smoke curling from his nostrils and ears comically when he’d finally see you stop your stoic act just to open up to other men apart from him. Spinner, Twice, and Compress backed off almost immediately from talking to you for too long when they’d see the look on his face as he watched you surrounded by them, but Tomura would merely smirk from behind your shoulders and keep a level gaze with his subordinate, knowing fully well why he was so pissed off.

You began to notice the weird energy at the base soon after the rest of the men would keep curt conversations with you in comparison to your long talks about video games, sex, and life after you would all win the war.

So you thought it would be best to ask the most semi-normal person there that wasn’t fueled with testosterone and aggression.

“I just don’t get it, why are they all being weird? I mean, we all used to talk so much and now they just...try avoiding me. Except for Tomura of course, he’s still normal I guess. But he always has this smirk on his face when I’m with him and I can’t figure out why.”

Toga stops cleaning her blood-laced needle to give you a sly look, all fangs and glinting white.

“And Dabi?”

“What about him?”

She sits back on her haunches and cocks her head at you. “You really don’t know what’s happening here, do ya?”

“No,” you roll your eyes in exasperation. “But I’ll gladly take any theories here, since apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t get it.”

“He likes you.”

You gape at her for a moment and then burst out laughing.

“What? That’s crazy, he doesn’t like me, he hates me!” He can barely stand being in a room with me, all he does is talk shit and harass me.”

The blond curiously licks at a bead of red from the top of the weapon and you cringe when her own tongue rips from the sharp point.

“You say he can’t stand being in a room with you, so then why is it that he’s always there? He might talk shit, but he talks to you out of everyone else right? Regardless of if it’s something mean.”

You’re thoroughly flabbergasted. She had a point, but it was too much to wrap your head around. She cheerfully hums and gets up to flounce around the room, cleaning her already-tidy room up to a T.

“And that little silent treatment act you’re giving him isn’t helping either. I swear, Jin told me Dabi almost burned his mouth off that one day you, him and Spinner were talking about GTA. He totally cornered the poor guy and threatened his life if he didn’t stop talking to you.”

“You’re joking.”

“Am not. He wanted to do the same to Tomura but I figure he wants to keep his job, so he won’t. Doesnt make it any better for him when you’re all chummy with the one person Dabi can’t stand the most, though.”

No wonder your leader was so smug whenever you two were in the same room, your attention solely focused on him.

You run your hands down your face, moaning about the whole situation being fucked. It’s just your luck that you couldn’t take a clue, but to be fair, how could you? Being called worthless and a waste of space wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for flirty banter.

“Soooo what’re you gonna do now? I heard he’s gonna try talking to you for realsies like, tomorrow or something.”

“Tomorrow?” You yelp, jumping up to your feet. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I can’t face him!”

“Oops,” she giggles, twirling with outstretched arms around her room and falling down onto her bed.

“Oh god, I can’t do this. I don’t even know if I like him! He’s such an ass, and even when he tries to come off as normal he’s just so..unsettling. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good conversation with him.”

Toga props her elbow up to rest her chin on her hand, frowning in thought.

“Why not just tell him how you feel?”

You snort and fold your arms. “Yeah, because the psycho arsonist is really gonna take the word no well.”

“Hmm.. I see what you mean. Oh well, whatever you choose, I’ll support you!”

And with that she skips out of the room sing songing for Twice to make a clone for her.

You were fucked.

And sure enough, the next day he approaches you, hands stuffed in his pockets and an almost bored look on his face.

“Yo newbie, I gotta talk to you for a second. Come with me”.

You look blearily up at him through eye bags and mussed hair, a direct telling of your sleepless night. Your stomach drops when you hear his words, but you nod your head and take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself of the speech you practiced till the sun rose.

No one else is bothering you both today, Shigaraki having gone to visit All For One and the rest of the League left to their own devices. It was something you weren’t so comfortable with, but you doubted a hero would come to save you.

He leads you through the short winding hallways, each step of his growing louder and heavier as the space started growing smaller. Finally, he reaches a dimly lit room and stops outside the door, gesturing for you to go in with a casual wave of his patched wrist.

“After you.”

You raise an unsure eyebrow at his uncharacteristic show of consideration, and do as he says. You’re sweating bullets, fists balled so that your nails are digging into your palms, and vision going in and out of focus as your eyes begin to adjust to your surroundings.

A loud bang pulls you out of your stupor, and you whip around at the sound.

Dabi is already staring back at you with lidded eyes, leaning his weight against the door, his arms crossing over each other.

You shift on both feet, picking at your nails nervously.

“So, what did you wanna talk about?”

He says nothing, but just observes you, his head slightly tilted as if you were some abstract art piece.

“Dabi.”

“You got a lot of nerve, y’know that?”

He pushes himself off the wall and advances slowly towards you, hands stuffed in his trench coat pockets.

You immediately back up with raised palms, sputtering indignantly at his offensive movements coming closer and closer. However you thought his ‘confession’ would go, this was most definitely not starting out like how you planned

“Excuse me? What’re you talking about-“

“I know what you’re doing. You think whoring yourself out to ol’ crusty and the rest of the guys here is gonna make everyone forget just how useless you actually are. What the fuck do you even do here? You fuck up half the missions which I have to come bail your ass out of, you constantly put us in jeopardy by being all friendly with everyone, and you can’t even keep your mouth shut when I need to let off a little steam, as I rightfully should.”

In a perfect world, Dabi would be the light of your eyes, the hero of your world. In a perfect world, Dabi would be able to hold your hand in his smooth one and tell you that he wants you so much that it impairs his rational judgement and makes him say things he doesn’t mean. He’d tell you that your presence is like a weight lifted off his chest, your presence means he doesn’t have to think or worry about the outside world, he just wants you all to himself without anyone interfering.

But this is not a perfect world, and Dabi is not a hero, but rather one of the worst villains.

So he does exactly what one does as a villain.

Instead of a loving look that he knows he’s incapable of, Dabi looks down into your horrified gaze as he traps you against the wall between his scarred arms, spewing misplaced venom at you.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to chill out. First you go ballistic on me ‘cause I talked to Tomura for no reason, then you act all weird and quiet as if you’re some decent person, and now you think you can just bring me in here and tell me how worthless I am? Go fuck yourself, seriously.”

You scoff and make your way to push him but stop when he does what he did a couple weeks ago. You hold bated breath as he casually brings an inflamed hand to scratch at his face as if he can’t feel the hellfire emitting from it, and let out a whine of distress as he lowers his head mere inches from yours, lips almost touching.

“Stop talking to the rest of the guys,” he breaths. “Stop smiling, laughing, or going near anyone who isn’t me.”

You wonder if he knows how insane he sounds. He does, but that’s nothing he doesn’t know already. If anything, it solidifies in his mind that if he is to be as bad as the world has made him out to be, then he is acting exactly fit for the role.

“Why?”

“I don’t need to give sluts like you a reason. It should come as easy, right? What’s putting out for one more person?”

Your eyes are brimming with tears now, your stoic facade showing cracks as you sniffle a little bit.

He eats it up and groans watching salty rivers cascade down your cheeks. Suddenly, he feels as though he can no longer hold back anymore, he feels as though if he thinks for one more second he’ll combust.

So, acting on instinct, he surges forward and presses his lips against yours, swallowing your cries of distress and holding your hands above your head in midst of them frantically beating on his chest.

Your lips are so, so soft compared to his and it’s making him sink deeper into this instinctual daze. He puffs against your writhing lips as he thrusts his hot tongue in your mouth.

You try to bite him but when his hands heat up against your skin you resign to your fate and wail, allowing him to pull his hips flush against yours and start humping your thighs.

He draws back and bites your lips, teeth clacking against yours as he does so. You open your terrified eyes and blanch when you see the look on his face.

Lust is clearly drawn everywhere, from his blown pupils to his heaving chest, all the way to his flushed face and wild eyes. He looks as though he’s about to eat you alive and it’s appropriate that you feel like a lamb about to be slaughtered.

“Dabi, wait, please stop-“

But he cuts your pants off again in favor of slamming his hips against yours again and grinding impossibly hard on your legs, the friction of his jeans catching on your clothed cunt and forcing a mewl out of you.

“I’m not gonna stop. I’ve had enough of you teasing. You’re mine now, and if it takes burning our dear leader alive and this whole place down for you to understand that then I’ll fucking do it.”

He thought that terrorizing you would ease the empty feeling in his heart, that continuously berating you would force him to see you as what he always said you were, just another empty headed cunt. He thought that distancing himself from you and focusing on other things would make him forget about the soft feelings he longed to share with you, feelings he thought perished in the fire he was in when he was a young boy .

Even now, there is an ache in his chest as he hears you beg for him to stop, to let you go, that you’re sorry for whatever you did.

But this is not a perfect world, and not everyone gets their way in life.

You should really learn that, because Dabi already has.

And so Dabi will act accordingly to what life has put out before him .

#dabi imagine #yandere dabi x reader #dabi smut #bnha imagines #bnha smut #mha smut #yandere dabi #tw: noncon #touya #bnha touya #touya todoroki #Dabi #dabi x reader

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lunarfly · 3 years

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Essay: Harry and Hermione’s chemistry

We all know that Emma and Daniel had excellent chemistry so Harry and Hermione naturally had great chemistry in the movies. It was quite obviously visible. But many book readers have claimed that Harry and Hermione’s chemistry only exists in the movies and they felt they lacked chemistry in the books. It can be quite tricky at first since the book scenes are only imagined in our heads and we can’t see the author’s imagination and her views on the scenes and interactions. But, luckily, canon has provided us with plenty of evidence that Harry and Hermione had excellent chemistry, visible to many people around them. Let’s take a look:

“That was a really horrible trick of Hermione Granger’s,” said Cho fiercely. “She should have told us she’d jinxed that list —”

“I think it was a brilliant idea,” said Harry coldly. Cho flushed and her eyes grew brighter.

“Oh yes, I forgot — of course, if it was darling Hermione’s idea —”

“Don’t start crying again,” said Harry warningly.

It’s very obvious that Cho has noticed how close Harry and Hermione are and she’s jealous, even suspicious that there’s something going on between them. It’s clear that whatever interaction between Harry and Hermione Cho has witnessed, they had chemistry.

If this was all of our evidence of H/Hr’s chemistry, I’d ignore it and assume Cho was only jealous because of their disastrous date when Harry left Cho to see Hermione. Perhaps most of her jealousy came from that scene. But this isn’t all of our evidence. We see even more people being jealous and getting suspicious about H/Hr’s relationship:

When at last they had reached a quiet stretch of ground a short way from the Beauxbatons horses’ paddock, Krum stopped in the shade of the trees and turned to face Harry.

“I vant to know,” he said, glowering, “vot there is between you and Hermyown-ninny.”

Harry, who from Krum’s secretive manner had expected something much more serious than this, stared up at Krum in amazement.

“Nothing,” he said. But Krum glowered at him, and Harry, somehow struck anew by how tall Krum was, elaborated.

“We’re friends. She’s not my girlfriend and she never has been. It’s just that Skeeter woman making things up.”

“Hermy-own-ninny talks about you very often,” said Krum, looking suspiciously at Harry.

“Yeah,” said Harry, “because we’re friends.”

He couldn’t quite believe he was having this conversation with Viktor Krum, the famous International Quidditch player. It was as though the eighteen-year-old Krum thought he, Harry, was an equal — a real rival —

Very interesting indeed. Not only is Krum so jealous that he’s “glowering” (”have an angry or sullen look on one's face; scowl”) at Harry, he also doesn’t believe Harry that he’s just friends with Hermione, even after he explained it very clearly. He still adds how much Hermione talks about Harry, he’s looking suspicious and feels the need of a reconfirmation that H/Hr are not dating. It’s possible that Rita Skeeter’s articles are influencing his thoughts and sure, Hermione talks about Harry a lot (already indicating that she’s very passionate about Harry, we talk about things we like, or feel strong emotions about) and that could be the only thing that makes Krum “suspicious” about H/Hr but would he really still be that jealous if there was absolutely no chemistry between Harry and Hermione? This is definitely a clue on Harry and Hermione’s chemistry in the books.

Another extremely interesting detail is that Harry is enjoying this. He likes the idea of Krum being his equal, a rival! This has nothing to do with their chemistry, of course, but it’s definitely suspicious...

Still think there’s no chemistry between them? Here’s another person who noticed that Harry and Hermione were very close, a little too close:

Harry has at last found love at Hogwarts. His close friend, Colin Creevey, says that Harry is rarely seen out of the company of one Hermione Granger, a stunningly pretty Muggle-born girl who, like Harry, is one of the top students in the school.

So Colin Creevey noticed how much time they spend together, but I just can’t believe that’s the only thing making him believe they’re in love! There has to be some noticeable chemistry between them to come to this conclusion.

I know it’s Rita Skeeter assuming that H/Hr are so close only because they’re dating, but Colin probably told her more than it’s written here. Would Rita believe Colin that Harry and Hermione are boyfriend and girlfriend merely because he said they hang out often? I don’t think so. I think Colin elaborated on his suspicions of H/Hr. But maybe it was just one of Rita Skeeter’s exaggerations. Either way, there’s more proof of their chemistry:

“Are you going to tell us — ?”

Hermione shook her head warningly and glanced at Mrs. Weasley.

“Hello, Hermione,” said Mrs. Weasley, much more stiffly than usual.

“Hello,” said Hermione, her smile faltering at the cold expression on Mrs. Weasley’s face.

Harry looked between them, then said, “Mrs. Weasley, you didn’t believe that rubbish Rita Skeeter wrote in Witch Weekly, did you? Because Hermione’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh!” said Mrs. Weasley. “No — of course I didn’t!”

But she became considerably warmer toward Hermione after that.

So even Molly believed that Harry and Hermione were boyfriend and girlfriend (and Hermione had ‘broken Harry’s heart’)? Come on, their chemistry was so noticeable that even Molly thought it was believable enough. ...Although Molly does believe everything that newspapers and magazines say. And maybe she didn’t know them well enough because she assumed Hermione could break Harry’s heart.

Still don’t believe that Harry and Hermione had lots of chemistry in the books? Maybe you’re right, we need to actually see the chemistry, not just have others notice it. And guess what? We do get to see their chemistry. This often happens when Ron becomes suspicious of a possible H/Hr relationship. Ron, their closest friend who knows basically everything about them, suspects that Harry and Hermione are secretly in love. And he is quite rightly suspicious of them when we have moments like these demonstrating their perfect chemistry in the books:

“We’ll go down after Quidditch,” Harry assured her. He too was missing Hagrid, although like Ron he thought that they were better off without Grawp in their lives. “But trials might take all morning, the number of people who have applied.” He felt slightly nervous at confronting the first hurdle of his Captaincy. “I dunno why the team’s this popular all of a sudden.”

“Oh, come on, Harry,” said Hermione, suddenly impatient. “It’s not Quidditch that’s popular, it’s you! You’ve never been more interesting, and frankly, you’ve never been more fanciable.”

Ron gagged on a large piece of kipper. Hermione spared him one look of disdain before turning back to Harry.

“Everyone knows you’ve been telling the truth now, don’t they? The whole Wizarding world has had to admit that you were right about Voldemort being back and that you really have fought him twice in the last two years and escaped both times. And now they’re calling you ‘the Chosen One’ — well, come on, can’t you see why people are fascinated by you?”

Harry was finding the Great Hall very hot all of a sudden, even though the ceiling still looked cold and rainy.

“And you’ve been through all that persecution from the Ministry when they were trying to make out you were unstable and a liar. You can still see the marks on the back of your hand where that evil woman made you write with your own blood, but you stuck to your story anyway. . . .”

“You can still see where those brains got hold of me in the Ministry, look,” said Ron, shaking back his sleeves.

“And it doesn’t hurt that you’ve grown about a foot over the summer either,” Hermione finished, ignoring Ron.

“I’m tall,” said Ron inconsequentially.

Wow. Hermione really made up a whole monologue about Harry being fanciable and attractive! If this conversation doesn’t convince you that there was chemistry between them, probably nothing will. Let’s analyze this scene:

Hermione starts talking about Harry and how fanciable he is, how interesting he is, how attractive looks and qualities he has, going on and on... Hermione is clearly showing her interest in Harry and basically flirting with him. But what interests me is this moment:

Harry was finding the Great Hall very hot all of a sudden, even though the ceiling still looked cold and rainy.

He’s actually blushing. Hermione’s compliments have a very obvious effect on him. But something that fascinates me more is the way this is written. He isn’t just blushing, no. Harry never said something like:

Harry was feeling his face growing very hot all of a sudden.

Instead, we have the Great Hall going “very hot”. It isn’t just his face and his blush, it’s the whole hall. This indicates clear tension between Harry and Hermione.

You could say that all of these compliments that Hermione is giving Harry are just facts and reasons why other girls find him attractive. But this isn’t the case. There’s obvious romantic tension between them.

Another thing to note is Ron’s jealousy. He “gags on a large piece of kipper” and he keeps interrupting Hermione, saying and showing why he is fanciable too. The chemistry is undeniable at this point.

You could argue that Hermione was complimenting Harry to make Ron jealous, that his suspicions were expected and intended. And it does seem so at first sight: Hermione compliments Harry in front of Ron, also being very impatient as if she had been planning this conversation, as well as pointing out lots of “fanciable” things that apply to Ron as well (the scars, the height), ignoring Ron to make him more jealous. You may be tricked into thinking so. But this isn’t the case.

First of all, if she wanted to make Ron jealous, don’t you think Hermione would’ve been enjoying the reaction? Why is she giving him these “looks of disdain”(note that this isn’t the first time she has given him nasty looks)? Wouldn’t she be looking away from him, smiling to herself? At least looking a little pleased?

And if she really wanted to make Ron jealous, why would she use Harry of everyone? Maybe because he and Ron had a lot of similarities that could be convenient for making him jealous? But this isn’t like Hermione at all. This isn’t her technique of making people jealous.

“What’s happened to you?” asked Harry, for Hermione looked distinctly disheveled, rather as though she had just fought her way out of a thicket of Devil’s Snare.

“Oh, I’ve just escaped — I mean, I’ve just left Cormac,” she said. “Under the mistletoe,” she added in explanation, as Harry continued to look questioningly at her.

“Serves you right for coming with him,” he told her severely.

“I thought he’d annoy Ron most,” said Hermione dispassionately. “I debated for a while about Zacharias Smith, but I thought, on the whole —”

“You considered Smith?” said Harry, revolted.

“Yes, I did, and I’m starting to wish I’d chosen him, McLaggen makes Grawp look a gentleman. Let’s go this way, we’ll be able to see him coming, he’s so tall. . . .”

Hermione picks the people Ron despises the most to make him jealous - like Cormac McLaggen and Zacharias Smith. Hermione had no reason to use Harry to make Ron jealous. She had no reason to make Ron jealous at all. So that argument is definitely debunked.

Could Hermione have told Harry all of these things because she really didn’t mean them and was just pointing them out from a different teenage girl’s point of view? That just can’t be the case. Otherwise she would’ve been complimenting Ron too. If the only purpose for this speech was to show Harry his attractive traits, she would’ve laughed at Ron’s remarks and agreed that he was fanciable too in other girls’ eyes because he had many of the same “fanciable” traits.

So Hermione was definitely showing her attraction towards Harry which is also made obvious by Harry’s reaction to it and the romantic tension between them that even Ron couldn’t deny.

Believe it or not, this isn’t the only moment when Harry and Hermione are literally flirting. Take a look at another scene of Ron third wheeling Harry and Hermione and looking suspicious:

As they came into the castle they spotted Cormac McLaggen entering the Great Hall. It took him two attempts to get through the doors; he ricocheted off the frame on the first attempt. Ron merely guffawed gloatingly and strode off into the Hall after him, but Harry caught Hermione’s arm and held her back.

“What?” said Hermione defensively.

“If you ask me,” said Harry quietly, “McLaggen looks like he was Confunded this morning. And he was standing right in front of where you were sitting.” Hermione blushed.

“Oh, all right then, I did it,” she whispered. “But you should have heard the way he was talking about Ron and Ginny! Anyway, he’s got a nasty temper, you saw how he reacted when he didn’t get in — you wouldn’t have wanted someone like that on the team.”

“No,” said Harry. “No, I suppose that’s true. But wasn’t that dishonest, Hermione? I mean, you’re a prefect, aren’t you?”

“Oh, be quiet,” she snapped, as he smirked.

“What are you two doing?” demanded Ron, reappearing in the doorway to the Great Hall and looking suspicious.

“Nothing,” said Harry and Hermione together, and they hurried after Ron. The smell of roast beef made Harry’s stomach ache with hunger, but they had barely taken three steps toward the Gryffindor table when Professor Slughorn appeared in front of them, blocking their path.

Try denying their chemistry here.

Just imagine two (straight) friends of the opposite gender, the boy grabbing the girl’s arm and turning her around (the tension!!!) and her acting all defensive, and then the boy telling her something that makes her blush and admit something while whispering. Then the boy jokingly teasing her about it and smirking while the girl tells him to be quiet playfully. Yeah, that’s called flirting and they have extremely obvious chemistry.

The funnier part is Ron noticing this and suspiciously confronting Harry and Hermione while they quickly say “nothing” at the same time and catch up with him.

I don’t think an explanation is even necessary, anyone who denies their chemistry in this scene is basically lying to themselves and is willingly blinding themselves.

Here’s another interesting scene from HBP with Ron getting jealous of H/Hr’s chemistry once again:

Malfoy looked rather as he had done the time Hermione had punched him in the face. Hermione turned to Harry with a radiant expression and whispered, “Did you really tell him I’m the best in the year? Oh, Harry!”

“Well, what’s so impressive about that?” whispered Ron, who for some reason looked annoyed. “You are the best in the year — I’d’ve told him so if he’d asked me!”

Hermione smiled but made a “shhing” gesture, so that they could hear what Slughorn was saying. Ron looked slightly disgruntled.

Here Harry and Hermione’s chemistry isn’t really made clear but just look at the way Hermione turns to Harry. He literally sees her expression as “radiant” (this adjective has also been used to describe Ginny’s smile) and Hermione looks simply delighted. They were clearly having a great moment here, so good, in fact, that Ron becomes jealous and annoyed and tries to pretend Harry’s compliment wasn’t a big deal. He compliments Hermione the same way as Harry did but she doesn’t have such a “radiant” smile this time, does she? Instead she shushes him(poor Ron just wanted attention from his future wife!). Ron has every right to be disgruntled in this scene.

This is the third time in HBP that Ron is third-wheeling Harry and Hermione. Whether anti-H/Hrs want to admit it or not, Ron is a third-wheel to Harry and Hermione very often and becomes very jealous of their chemistry. JKR, it really isn’t funny, where are the R/Hr flirting moments? They’re supposed to be the endgame couple, aren’t they? Why do you have so many moments between Harry and Hermione when they’re clearly flirting and demonstrating what excellent chemistry looks like?

Apparently, Harry and Hermione have had such chemistry in the past that, even when they’re not flirting, Ron still becomes suspicious of Harry and Hermione’s ‘possible secret relationship’:

“Because she was crying,” Harry continued heavily.

“Oh,” said Ron, his smile fading slightly. “Are you that bad at kissing?”

“Dunno,” said Harry, who hadn’t considered this, and immediately felt rather worried. “Maybe I am.”

“Of course you’re not,” said Hermione absently, still scribbling away at her letter.

“How do you know?” said Ron in a sharp voice.

“Because Cho spends half her time crying these days,” said Hermione vaguely. “She does it at mealtimes, in the loos, all over the place.”

Ron suspected that Harry and Hermione had kissed before. His suspects are quite obvious, judging from the tone of his voice. No matter how insecure Ron is, he is still their best friend, he should know that they’re not interested into each other romantically. But it seems like it’s so apparent to everyone that Harry and Hermione have something going on.

Here’s another moment showing us Harry and Hermione’s chemistry:

“Harry!” Hermione cried.

“I know!” Harry shouted. Unable to contain himself, he punched the air; it was more than he had dared to hope for. He strode up and down the tent, feeling that he could have run a mile; he did not even feel hungry anymore. Hermione was squashing Phineas Nigellus’s portrait back into the beaded bag; when she had fastened the clasp she threw the bag aside and raised a shining face to Harry.

“The sword can destroy Horcruxes! Goblin-made blades imbibe only that which strengthen them — Harry, that sword’s impregnated with basilisk venom!”

“And Dumbledore didn’t give it to me because he still needed it, he wanted to use it on the locket —”

“— and he must have realized they wouldn’t let you have it if he put it in his will —”

“— so he made a copy —”

“— and put a fake in the glass case —”

“— and he left the real one — where?”

They gazed at each other; Harry felt that the answer was dangling invisibly in the air above them, tantalizingly close. Why hadn’t Dumbledore told him? Or had he, in fact, told Harry, but Harry had not realized it at the time?

“Think!” whispered Hermione. “Think! Where would he have left it?”

“Not at Hogwarts,” said Harry, resuming his pacing.

“Somewhere in Hogsmeade?” suggested Hermione.

“The Shrieking Shack?” said Harry. “Nobody ever goes in there.”

“But Snape knows how to get in, wouldn’t that be a bit risky?”

“Dumbledore trusted Snape,” Harry reminded her.

“Not enough to tell him that he had swapped the swords,” said Hermione.

“Yeah, you’re right!” said Harry, and he felt even more cheered at the thought that Dumbledore had had some reservations, however faint, about Snape’s trustworthiness. “So, would he have hidden the sword well away from Hogsmeade, then? What d’you reckon, Ron? Ron?”

Harry looked around. For one bewildered moment he thought that Ron had left the tent, then realized that Ron was lying in the shadow of a lower bunk, looking stony.

Just look at the intensity of this scene!

Firstly, when Harry and Hermione find out exciting news, they figure it out themselves and alone, they didn’t even think of Ron. Then look at how happy Harry and Hermione are feeling, their hopes high, their spirits lifted, their excitement causing the tension! Hermione’s face is “shining”!

Then they start discussing, knowing what the other is thinking and finishing each other’s sentences! The way they interact is precious, they’re “gazing” at each other, feeling something “tantalizingly close.” They start whispering. It’s so intense and full of tension and chemistry. They’re so excited. They even completely forgot about Ron(I feel so bad for him), Harry even thought that he had left.

This is one of the strongest Harmione scenes ever, the chemistry between them is incomparable to anyone else’s. Just imagine being Ron right now, watching the love of your life have this intense conversation with your and her best friend, sharing this exciting moment, experiencing all of this without you. And you just sit there and watch. Just watch. Ron’s jealousy, intensified by the horcrux, was the one thing that made him leave Harry and Hermione in the tent. And Ron did have a reason to be jealous.

So they do have chemistry in the books, everyone sees it, including Harry and Hermione’s dates, their closest friend, their “families”, their fans. Everyone except for anti-Harmiones. I tried making up excuses for why others assume Harry and Hermione are together, that maybe I’m misinterpreting something and it’s not because of their chemistry. But when you put everything together, it should become obvious. You have to be insanely biased and willingly ignore everything to come to the conclusion that they don’t have any chemistry.

I’m not even going in detail about physical contact between them. It would take too long. They grab each other’s hand/arm, they hold onto each other for strength and protect each other, they’re very comfortable with hugs and kisses and their physical connection is another piece of proof of their undeniable chemistry.

Even JKR has admitted that they had some “charged moments” in DH in the tent, which is her way of saying that they had intense chemistry:

[Kloves] felt a certain pulll between them at that point. And I think he's right. There are moments when [Harry and Hermione] touch, which are charged moments. One when she touches his hair as he sits on the hiltop reading about Dumbledore and Grindelwald, and [two] the moment when they walk out of the graveyard with their arms around each other. Now the fact is that Hermione shares moments with Harry that Ron will never be able to participate in. He walked out. She shared something very intense with Harry. So I think it could have gone that way.

In conclusion, Harry and Hermione have excellent chemistry in the books, even better and stronger than in the movies. None of the movie scenes showed their chemistry with this intensity. Their romantic tension was much better in the books. Harry and Hermione have chemistry.

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hello-nichya-here · 3 years

Text

How NOT to write romance - How I Met Your Mother edition

Warning: long-ass post and lots of bitterness over a TV show that ended nearly eight years ago.

Basics for story-telling

If the romance you want to write is dysfunctional, fucking embrace it and have fun with the concept instead of pretending the bad shit the characters do is okay because “it’s true love”

Acknowledgde that your main character has flaws instead of acting like he is a saint who can do no wrong for no reason other than “he is the main character. Definitively don’t make him do, of his own free will, the exact exact same things the supposedly “selfish and cruel” womanizer does and then excuse it as him having “succumbed to/been tricked by a bad influece” like he’s child who doesn’t know any better instead of being a grown ass adult.

Don’t make your characters be annoying, entitled fuckers who think they have the right to judge others for wanting different things out of a relationship/not wanting a relationship at all. Don’t act like monogamy, double dates with other couples, marriage and children are something EVERYONE secretly wants deep down.

Don’t demonize the “evil” character of the group and act like the “heroes” being appalled by the shit he does is anything other than hypocricy. There’s literally nothing forcing them to be friends with him, so they’re obviously not as horrified at bad shit he does as they say they are, otherwise they would have ditched him a long time ago.

Don’t have the “heartless womanizer”, who we later find out is the ex-husband of the girl the lead wanted for himself, be shown to us exclusively through the eyes of the an unreliable narrator who had motivation to make him see worse than he is likely to be (get his kids to want him to get the girl instead of the “douchebag”). Also, don’t make his schemes to trick women into sleeping with them so completely absurd and ridiculous that the audience is pretty sure that 70% of the women he banged were completely aware he just wanted a quick fuck and went along with it anyway because they wanted some dick (and because the character is played by Neil Patric Harris, who is incapable of not being charismatic)

Fucking let you characters (especially the supposed hero we’re supposed to think is the best boyfriend ever) grow instead of making them constantly repeat the same mistakes

Lily and Marshall

Don’t make one of the characters hide something very important from their partner, and then have the audacity to be mad at them for “just not understanding” as if they were given any reason to understand what the problem even is

Don’t act like someone being heartbroken that their partner lied to them and practically made a plan to “escape” being married to them means they’re not being “supportive” of said partners dream - you should especially not do that after we were shown that they took a job they didn’t like just to make sure they’d have a secure future that would allow said partner to follow their dream.

Don’t have the character who was obviously in the wrong need to be convinced to get their shit together and apologize to their ex.

If a character forgave the ex who wronged them and even got back together with them, don’t have them constantly hold their past mistakes over their head like it that problem has not already been solved - you especially not make them do that on what was supposed to be their wedding day. They can either forgive their partner or not, they can’t keep going back and forth.

Don’t have them constantly hide important shit from each other (having a huge financial debt, getting a job, etc)

DO NOT have the character who fucked up years prior suddenly be willing to do the same shit again for the EXACT same reason (”I think our relationship is in the way of my dreams and I’m now completely isolated because I refuse to talk things out with you”) and then expect the audience to sympathize with them.

Ted and Robin

Unless you’re writing a Disney/Disney-esque romance, don’t have your lead just look at someone across the room, decide they’re “The one”, imagine their life together and full on say “I’m love with you” AND “I love you” on the first goddamn date.

Don’t have the lead stalk his love interest, and throw three parties in a row just to have an excuse to get close to her now that she made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him.

Don’t have the “hero” lie about having broken up with his girlfriend so the girl he wants to be with will sleep with him, and then have him blame his actions on time. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” Grow a pair of balls, Ted!

If one of the characters says “You’re going too fast on the whole ‘love’ thing. Can’t we just go on a few dates and see what happens instead of already starting to plan our lives together?” and the others throws a fit, that is called “being incompatible” and “damn, this dude doesn’t respect boundaries”, not “Wow, she’s so afraid of commitment”

If you want the audience to believe the main character’s feelings are not one-sided, don’t make the fact that said feelings ARE unrequited a running joke, and don’t have the girl only accept giving him a chance after having to deal with the fucker whining “But I love you” for months and/or after going through bad break ups. Also, if you have to retcon half the fucking show to “proove” that “she DOES love him”, that pairing fucking sucks.

Don’t compare the couple you want the audience to root for to the main character’s divorced, dysfunctional parents, and don’t have flashbacks showing that the lead had no clue what his girlfriend actually liked in bed AND that she literally covered up his face so she could pretend she was fucking someone else.

DON’T MAKE HER GET RID OF HER DOGS, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

If your lead character is still jealous/possessive of his ex, thinks he still has a chance even after she told him to his face that she didn’t love him, and acts like she and her fiance (who he says is his friend) being happy is somehow them being selfish and cruel, your lead character is a loser AND an asshole.

Don’t throw away the entire premise of the show (Ted finding the REAL love of his life) just to force a bad pairing down the audience’s throat

Ted Mosby in general

Don’t have your “romantic, sensitive hero” break up with a girl on her birthday through an answering machine, come back into her life without warning years later because he’s afraid he’ll die alone, and find out that she never heard the message but was actually told about it by her friends and family who were at her apartment preparing a surprise party for her. You should especially not make his first reaction to this new be being mad that he was not invited to the party, and for the love of God, don’t make him break up with her on her birthday AGAIN.

Don’t have the “hero” cheat on his girlfriend and excuse it with bullshit like “Nothing good happens 2 a.m.” and “But I genuinely love Robin so it’s okay that I’m lying to both of them”. Do not, I repeat, do NOT have him blame it on his girlfriend being distant when she didn’t pick up the phone one night and then called back the second she was free to do so, while he was enjoying the gifts she sent him and LIED to her about having sent her some as well.

Don’t fucking make an entire episode with the premise of him turning a no into a yes - and telling that story to his children like it’s romantic.

Don’t have his fiance, who he knows has a rocky relationship with the father of her daughter, tell him she is uncomfortable with him inviting his ex to their wedding and then have him decide “This means I should invite her ex as well”. Also don’t expect me to feel bad for him when she runs off with said ex.

Don’t have him spend YEARS waiting for one of the hundreds of girls he thinks is “the one” to be single and even ask her neighbour to spy on her and let him know when/if she breaks up with her boyfriend - again, for YEARS.

Don’t have the lead say he’s gonna tell their kids about his love story with their DECEASED mother, only for it to secretly be an excuse for him to go “By the way, I’m still in love with aunt Robin despite her having rejected me for 25 years, can I go screw her?”

Don’t act like making the characters reverse back into who they were at the beginning at the story means they’re gonna make things work this time when the whole point of their break up in the beginning on the story was the fact that they’re just not right for each other.

Robin and Kevin

A therapist who was supposed to help their patient move on after a bad break up that messed them up, dating said patient is a major red flag. It is also a bad sign that, when she cheats on him and wants to break up, he realized what she was doing to used his job as “evidence” that he knew better and that she should NOT tell her partner how she felt/what she actually wanted.

Do NOT have said therapist date yet ANOTHER patient that asked him help to move on from a bad break up. Seriously, Kevin was a creep, stop acting like he was some angel who “deserved better than Robin.”

BONUS: How NOT to break up a couple - Barney and Robin edition

Don’t act like their relationship falling appart after their friends kept meddling, and even kept them locked in a room against their will until they labeled their relationship as something they aproved of, is somehow “proof” that they’re not good for each other.

Don’t retcon their relationship to force a break up (seriously, Barney was super supportive of Robin long before he even fell in love with her, but I’m supposed to believe he’d be a bad boyfriend who is never there for her? And he loved advantures and always said “challenge accepted”, but was suddenly miserable travelling the world with her and couldn’t deal with not having wi-fi at the hotel? Fuck off)

Don’t spend an entire season focusing on their wedding, have them get married and then divorce THE NEXT FUCKING EPISODE! Why do you hate your audience? Even people who don’t want them together can see this a terrible idea.

And most important of all, when people question what the fuck were you thinking, don’t have a meltdown on twitter and say that people who think Barney can change are responsible for Donald Trump being elected, you fucking weirdo, go see a therapist (that isn’t like Kevin)

#how i met your mother #himym finale #swarkles #anti ted and robin #fuck ted mosby #worst finale ever #barney stinson #barney deserved better #robin deserved better #they deserved better #i deserved better

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cacoetheswriting · 3 years

Text

little mystery

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: tattoos, alcohol consumption, gambling/betting money, mild swearing (i actually don't think there is any but just in case), baby spence!!, no smut/or implied smut but it reads a little dirty (so i’m gonna rate this 18+ anyway) Word Count: 1.8k Summary: Bets are placed to see who can be the first to figure out the secret location of your tattoo, and what the tattoo is.

A/N: i was browsing pinterest for my next ink inspiration (the whole country is currently in lockdown, but a girl can dream), when i stumbled across a particular tattoo, featured in this fic, and this idea just came to me ah i hope you ENJOY!

“A recent study concluded that people with tattoos are more likely to be so called experience seekers, and they tend to lean more towards rebellious, non-conforming lifestyles.” Spencer stated glancing between the group. His eyes lingering a little longer on you. “Research also shows, people who choose to get tattooed feel a stronger need to claim their identity and stand out from the crowd.”

Derek chuckled while taking a sip of his drink. “Kid, not everyone that has a tattoo is an attention seeker or a criminal. Many who get inked lead perfectly normal and stable lives.”

“It’s a form of self expression.” Morgan continued. “It doesn't necessarily mean people with multiple tattoos are wildings. I mean look at Y/N, she’s got like ten and she's far from a non-conformist.”

All heads turned in your direction.

“Ten is an over exaggeration Morgan.” You replied with a light giggle before looking directly at Spencer. “It’s eight. I have eight tattoos.” You said shooting him a smile. A mix of intrigue quickly spread across his features.

Of course, he was aware you had a couple of tattoos. Like the tiny heart on your left index finger. The crescent moon just above your right elbow. Or the rose on the inside of your left bicep. Given that the two of you were similar in age, the young doctor didn't think you would have that many.

Derek rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s a huge difference.” He teased, granting Penelope to nudge him in the arm. The bubble blonde then turned to you. “You have eight tattoos?” She asked with a raised brow. “How come I didn't know this about you? I know everything.”

“Because you never asked me and eight really isn't that much. Plus they’re all pretty simple and dainty. Well... actually... all apart from the snake slithering between my boobs.” You responded nonchalantly causing the males at the table to simultaneously choke on their drinks.

The girls all whistled before erupting into laughter at the suddenly red faces of the three boys. Hotch stared silently at the half-empty class in his hands, Derek nervously cleared his throat, while Spencer gaped at you completely wide-eyed.

The image you just painted circulating in his mind.

“Don’t be shy, tell us, any other risqué body art?” Emily chimed once the laughter died down.

“Uhm, there is one but I really don't think it’s appropriate to share.” You answered, a sly smile circling your lips. JJ and Emily both groaned at your response. “Now you have too!” The blonde exclaimed, but you just shook your head.

“Only a handful of people know what it is, and where it is.” Your eyes locked briefly with the brunette doctor sat across from you. Not enough time for anyone at the table to notice, but enough to get him a tiny bit flustered.

“What if we guessed?” Emily enquired, her eyes sparkling mischievously. You giggled. “If one of you manages to guess both what and where it is, I will tell you whether you’re correct.”

“I want in on this little bet.” Derek chimed confidently. “I can get you talkin’ hot stuff.” He shot you a playful wink and took another sip of his drink. Hotch snickered next to him. “I wouldn't be so certain Morgan.” “Oh, and you think you can?” Derek asked sarcastically. “Maybe.” Hotch poised, shrugging his shoulders.

“Right.” JJ clapped her hands. “Let’s make this interesting. Everyone that wants to take part place a ten dollar bet on themselves, and the winner will take the pot.” She turned to you. “We’ll give you the money for safekeeping and once one of us guesses correctly, you can rightfully pass the cash onto that person.”

“Sounds good to me.” You replied with a grin. “But what if none of you guess? Who keeps the money then?” “Do you forget who you work with? We’re FBI agents, profilers, one of us is bound to figure it out.” Morgan stated making you giggle.

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Oh! And whoever wins gets to see this mysterious ink of yours.” Emily added teasingly.

Just like that a pile of cash formed in the middle of the table. You reached out to grab it when a hand slowly slid across with a neatly folded ten dollar bill between two fingers. Your eyes snapped up to meet the determined gaze of none other than the resident genius.

“I want to take part too.” He said, trying his best not to appear jittery. The grin currently embellishing your features swelled, and Spencer took note of the devilish sparkle in your eyes. “Well all right.” You responded, fingers brushing lightly against his as you retrieved the money. An instant spark tingled through both you and Spencer.

The night carried on. You were bombarded with questions that would give the team any sort of clue as to what the tattoo could be, but you didn't budge. It was a lot more fun seeing your friends struggle. The only person that didn't say anything further on the matter was the young doctor sat across from you. In true Spencer Reid fashion, he simply listened and observed.

About an hour later, he accompanied you to the bar for another round of drinks. After ordering for everyone, you quickly glanced at him. “What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” You asked causing him to break away from his thoughts and turn his attention to you. He lightly scrunched his nose.

“I’m just wondering when is the most appropriate time to tell everyone what your secret tattoo is.”

Your mouth parted ever in shock, eyes widened. “There is no way you know.”

“Actually, I not only know what and where it is. I also know when you got it and why.” He stated confidently.

“Alright then, tell me.” You challenged taking a step towards him. Spencer stiffened for a brief moment. Your sudden closeness caused the heat to rush to his face and his heart to skip a beat. All he could do was hope you didn't notice; which of course you did.

With a raised brow and your fingers tapping lightly on the wooden bar, you waited for Spencer to respond. You were about to say something like, ‘See, I knew you were bluffing.’, but he cleared his throat. Regaining his confidence.

“It’s the word ‘bite’ written in cursive on your ehm, on your left b-buttcheek. And you got it your freshmen year of university as a result of a drunken game of truth or dare with your friends. I believe it was either getting the tattoo or shaving your head.” He was, of course, correct. Every word.

You stared at him in disbelief. This you definitely did not expect. Spencer on the other hand seemed quite pleased with himself. It’s not often he’s the one to rattle you.

“H-how, how did you-” You shook your head. “You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know.” Your lips twirled into a smile. “Congratulations doctor.” Without really thinking, you leaned in closer and placed a soft kiss on his cheek causing once again for the blood to rush to his face. Once you pulled away, his hand immediately travelled to the spot.

“What, uhm, what was that for?” He asked and you shrugged. “An extra prize considering it didn't even take you ninety minutes to win. I hope that was okay?” He quickly nodded his head. “Ye-a, yes.” “Good.” And with that you kissed his cheek again.

He couldn't help but grin proudly as the two of you ambled back to the table, each holding a tray of drinks.

“What’s got you so happy, kid?” Morgan asked, drawing attention to Spencer’s expression.

“Spencer just won your little bet.” You replied, placing the tray down and reaching into your purse for the money. Although his win was definitely part of the reason for his increased good mood, it had more to do with the spot on his cheek that was still tingling from your kiss. But he’d never say that out loud.

Gasps of shock echoed through the team. “What?! There is no way he’s won already!” JJ exclaimed. “He cheated. Did you give him extra hints because you have a soft spot for him?” Emily accused, narrowing her eyes.

“Nope.” Your mouth popped. “He definitely won fair and square.” You stated before shifting your body weight to look the young doctor. Smiling, you handed him his winnings. He didn't hesitate to take them, eyes never leaving yours.

“Well pretty boy, what is it?!” Derek enquired eagerly. Spencer waited for you to nod your head before turning to address the team. He revealed the design and location of your secret tattoo in one breath as you watched, finding their reactions amusing.

“How did you figure that out?” Penelope asked.

“A little mystery never hurt.” You chimed before Spencer got a chance to respond, and proceeded to intertwine your fingers with his. His head snapped first down at your glued hands, and then up at your face. He wanted to ask what was happening, completely forgetting what else the winning prize entailed, as you were leading him away from the table.

Morgan and Emily whistled after the two of you, the rest of the group laughing.

It wasn't until you were walking into the bathroom, locking the door behind, that the realisation hit Spencer. He swallowed his breath and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

You quickly noticed the nervous look on his face. “We don't have to do this if you don't want to. If you’re uncomfortable.” You said in your usual kind and caring tone.

“No, uhm, it’s okay. B-but if you don't want to?” He mumbled. “I don’t have to see it if you don’t want to show me, or anyone for that matter. We can just pretend.”

You smiled at him, your hands travelling to the zipper of your jeans. “A bet’s a bet, and like I said, you won fair and square.”

“Y-you, are you sure you don't want to know how I figured it out?” Spencer asked, voice breaking. The palms of his hands began to sweat. He wasn't sure where to look. Did you want him looking directly at you? Or was he supposed to keep his attention on something else until you were ready to show the tattoo?

“A little mystery never hurt.” You repeated what you said earlier to the group and pulled your pants down, just low enough to display the tattoo in question.

Spencer’s gaze landed on the writing. At this point his heart was hammering inside of his chest, and he was sure it would explode any second. His eyes widened as he slowly licked his lips. He was sure this was the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

“Do you like it?” A seemingly innocent question, although the intention behind it was anything but.

Spencer nodded his head. “I-I...y-es, I do.” His eyes gradually moved up your body until they once again locked with your gaze. His pupils now flared.

A mischievous smirk escaped your mouth. “I always knew you had a naughty side, doctor.”

spencer reid taglist: spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no, @calm-and-doctor, @idroppedmygourd, @averyhotchner

masterlist

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fluff #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #little mystery fic

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that-blue-vault-dweller · 3 years

Note

the image of curie trying to sneak into the cuddle pile actually made me squee it was so cute! companions cuddling with sole reaction someday? <3

Aww!!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!! 🥰 Curie is one of my favorites to write (with my other two favorites being Piper and Cait) so I had quite a bit of fun throwing that in. 😊

Also, I may or may not have given Cait, Piper, and Curie a little extra description than the others, but it was not my fault. I was a victim of circumstance. Cuddling + my favorite girls = me getting description happy 😂😂😂

Thank you so much for this beautiful request! I hope you enjoy! 💙💛

Cait - Is always surprised when it happens. The first few times F!Sole suddenly just is leaning on her, her chin propped on Cait's shoulder as her arms wrap around Cait's middle, Cait is shocked as can be. She is a little stiff with it for the first several times, carefully wrapping a bony arm around F!Sole and sort of just letting her stay where she's at while Cait is frozen in place. However, as she grows more accustomed to it, Cait loosens somewhat and might even quietly signal F!Sole that she wants to cuddle by leaning against her a little more or carefully touching F!Sole's hand or shoulder and just being more touch-oriented in general. She is not much of an initiator, but if she has had a bad day, trusts F!Sole a lot, and F!Sole is lying down or sitting somewhere nearby, Cait will crawl over and just collapse on her best friend, knowing she'll make it better by being there for her unconditionally.

Piper - Absolutely adores the affection. Whenever she sits near F!Sole literally anywhere, F!Sole will just reach over and pull her over so she is leaned against her totally, her head resting against her best friend's chest or shoulder and F!Sole resting her head on Piper's as she just quietly listens to Piper talk. Piper will snuggle closer, never missing a beat as a big grin grows on her face while she yammers on about her day or whatever she has found out. However, if her best friend doesn't start cuddling her when she sits near her, Piper herself will usually initiate it. She'll just suddenly squish against F!Sole, completely unannounced as she carries on as if nothing happened, her arm tightly wrapped around her. If F!Sole is lying down anywhere, Piper takes that as a pure invitation to just flop down on top of her and be an aggravating little turd. But Piper knows her best friend secretly loves to be close with her found family and Piper is definitely no exception to the rule.

Curie - Is positively as happy as can be when F!Sole cuddles with her. When F!Sole first reaches her arm around Curie's neck and pulls her near so that her head is underneath F!Sole's chin and Curie is practically lying on her, Curie is practically popping with excitement and pure happiness. She loves all of the new sensations of actually being able to feel things when people touch her, and to be so near to someone that means so much to her is a true gift. When Curie finds out that F!Sole loves to cuddle with her friends, Curie has no problem springing impromptu cuddles on her. If F!Sole is lying down, Curie will sneak over and cuddle closely to her until F!Sole wraps her arms around her. Even if F!Sole is standing, she's not off-limits, and Curie will hurry over and just grab her around from behind, sometimes scaring her half to death if she is not expecting it. However, she takes it well, knowing that the girl is just excited to show her friend affection.

MacCready - Is pretty uncomfortable but finds it to be sort of nice. He never particularly wants to sit there very long with her but he usually lets her cuddle him for as long as she wants until he gets so uncomfortable that the only excuse he can think of is that he absolutely has to use the bathroom. She has since learned to release him before he gets to that point, understanding and respecting his boundaries. He never initiates cuddles, and he would honestly be fine with just occasional hugs since they do not make him feel quite as awkward.

Deacon - Is really squirmy and it does not last too long. He is not overly comfortable with cuddling or any extended contact, and it usually consists of the two of them sitting on a couch together and she just randomly throws her arm around his middle and leans her head against his shoulder. He sort of awkwardly pats her back and lets his hand rest there uncomfortably. He just wants to get away as soon as he possibly can without hurting her feelings in the process. Needless to say, he is definitely not an initiator and he honestly is not going to find her just so she can grab onto him. He cares about her in his own way, but touchy-feely stuff is not his thing.

Codsworth - Is very happy when she tries to cuddle him. It usually is more like a really extended hug, but he very much appreciates her effort even if he cannot truly feel the contact. He loves the sentiment and it lets him know that she truly sees him as family. And that is the greatest gift of all. As for initiation, he tries to in his own extremely strange way. He will usually reach a pincer around her, and she gets the message, quickly hugging him tightly. It just feels nice to him to see evident proof that she feels so much affection for him.

Hancock - Loves every single minute of it, and is not ashamed to say so. As soon as she does it, he is surprised, but he returns the affection quickly, asking her what got into her today. But other than that, he just happily holds her, grinning widely in spite of himself. He will not usually initiate it, but he has plenty of ways of trying to trick her into initiating it herself. If she's sad, then he says that he read somewhere in a Pre-War book that cuddling can raise serotonin levels. She usually just chuckles in reply to him before taking advantage of his offer. It always makes him very happy to just hug her tightly and not let go, feeling her warmth against him.

Danse - Does not know what to do, but secretly loves it to death and longs for more of it. Whenever she springs it on him out of nowhere the first few times, he is shocked and almost frozen, but he reacts soon enough and slowly brings his arms around her. He does not know what he is doing, but he knows that he absolutely loves the feeling of her actually wanting to be close with him and show that she cares in such a sweet way. It is a tenderness that he has never really experienced, and he just encloses her in his arms totally and enjoys it. He is never going to initiate it, worrying that he is imposing or something, but he openly welcomes it whenever F!Sole initiates. After finding out about his true identity, he usually wordlessly and unintentionally clues F!Sole in that he needs cuddles when he looks so serious and perturbed.

Preston - Enjoys it quite a bit, but it shocks him when she first does it. However, he does not have a problem reciprocating by putting an arm around her carefully. He is happy as can be when he is receiving affection like this, and it makes him feel like he actually matters to someone in a way that is more than just as a respected officer. He does not ever initiate it since he is sort of a bit too shy and uncertain to do so. However, he will ask for it very occasionally and very sheepishly, really hoping that she will not turn him down. He is always very pleased when she welcomes him with open arms.

Valentine - Honestly is terribly shocked, but he does enjoy it. When it first happens, he just sort of wraps an arm around her and pats her on the back kindly, expecting her to only hug him for a moment, but when she just snuggles closer and rest her head on his shoulder, he is very surprised. After all, his body is not exactly like that of humans and cannot be comfortable to lean against. But she seems to have no problem with that. He would never initiate cuddling, but he is always open to it if she wants to. He does not want to push her into anything, and he definitely does not want her to feel like she has to do it. Even if he does enjoy it greatly.

X6-88 - Is completely standoffish about it, but for some reason finds that a tiny piece of him actually likes it. Needless to say, he absolutely hates that part of him. When she first starts to spring these sorts of things on him, he insists that they need to find something more constructive to do. However, as time goes on, he insists much less and mostly retains complete silence, just letting her hold onto him but not really reciprocating. He would never initiate this sort of thing directly, but the closest he will get to it is sitting down on the same couch she is sitting on and just staying quiet in hopes that she will do it. She soon realizes what this gesture means, and she knows that he wants cuddles when he does that. She finds it quite adorable to be honest.

Dogmeat - Is absolutely thrilled any time she does it. Whenever she calls him over, giving him lots of pets before just hugging him close, he is wagging all over, panting happily and snuffling at her face. In fact, he oftentimes is the one initiating the cuddles, hurrying over to give her lots of kisses before trying to fit into her lap even though he is much too big for it. Literally every time that she is sleeping, he is either lying right next to her or on top of her. He is literally the best cuddle buddy ever because he is up for it twenty-four seven.

Strong - Absolutely hates it and will literally get up and walk away if she starts trying to do it. He will also fuss about it for a really long time, and makes a special note to bring it up in front of her other friends just to try to embarrass her and keep her from doing it ever again. However, when he least expects it, she will do it again to try to get him into the habit of letting her do it. Plus, she also thought it was kind of funny how he fussed constantly and let such a silly thing get to him.

Maxson - Is extremely uncomfortable with it, and believes that it is even somewhat inappropriate. However, he does secretly like it, and that feeling nags at him. He is usually significantly more chill about it if she initiates such a thing away from others, but he is still very uncomfortable. He is not in the least accustomed to such things, and he is one of those people that had originally thought this sort of thing was for either little kids or for people in love. But when he realizes that she is just showing she cares in a beautiful deeper than friendship but not at all romantic sort of way, he warms to it a little more. He will never initiate it, but he is eventually simply okay with it and lets her do as she wishes as long as absolutely no one can see them.

Sturges - Does not mind it at all, and actually likes it somewhat. It makes him a little uncomfortable the first few times she does it, but he soon realizes that it's her way of showing him that she cares about him. He is slightly self-conscious of how greasy and sweaty he often is, but since she does not seem to mind it, he just goes with it. He does not initiate it ever because he considers it to be the gentlemanly thing to do to let her decide if she wants to cuddle or not.

Glory - Is extremely uncomfortable and dangerously close to shoving F!Sole off when it first happens. However, she slowly figures out that it feels really nice to have someone's arms around her when the person is someone that she trusts as much as F!Sole. She is never fully comfortable with it, but she definitely craves it to a degree and will very hesitantly sort of bump F!Sole's shoulder to let her know that she would appreciate some love right about then. Especially if she has had a particularly difficult time with a mission or she is just feeling less than her usual self.

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procrastinatingsapphictrash · 3 years

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Flirting with the intern (1)

Series masterlist

Word count: 1263

Genre: idk, probably a mix of angst of fluff

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: None (let me know if I need to add any)

Summary: You’re Tony’s new intern and Natasha seems to take an interest in you when you’re bartending at a party.

A/n: Hi so this wasn't a request but a lot of you seemed to like this blurb I wrote and I was bored and had writer's block so I came up with this series, hopefully you like it! I will try to update fairly often but no promises (I also have no idea where I’m going with this so feel free to give me ideas). Also if you aren’t on my regular taglist but would like to be tagged in this series, or you are on my regular taglist but wouldn’t like to be tagged in this series let me know, I will not be offended. Anyways I hope you enjoy!

She gets bored of the conversation, eyes wandering around the huge room until she spots you serving drinks to some of the older gentlemen over by the bar. You’re pretty and she admires the dress you’re wearing, noticing with disdain that the men at the bar are doing the same, not at all subtle in the way they leer. You look uncomfortable but handle the situation gracefully, handing over their drinks before walking away, rolling your eyes.

She doesn’t recognize you which is odd. She makes a point to be able to match everybody’s face to their name, a habit formed by years of not trusting others, and there’s no way she missed anyone, much less a cute girl.

“Who’s that?” she asks Steve suddenly, only noticing after she speaks that she interrupted his conversation with Bruce. Oh well, she muses, it’s not like talking about the differences of desserts now and when Steve was born is a particularly important topic over conversation.

Steve doesn’t frown but his forehead wrinkles a little. “I don’t know. You should ask Tony, he probably knows.” Steve pauses, thinking a second. “Or he has absolutely no clue. Either way you should ask him.”

Natasha nods and looks around the room to find Tony. Luckily he seems sober and is pretty close by, talking to Pepper and Rhodney.

“Hey,” she greets as she walks up.

“Hi red,” Tony responds and Natasha gives him a slight glare at the unwanted nickname, being slightly more lenient than usual because she needs something from him.

“Who is the girl working at the bar?” she asks, getting straight to the point.

Tony waggles his eyebrows. “Why? Do you think she’s cute?”

“No,” Natasha half lies (she does but that’s not the only reason she’s asking), “I like to know the names of everybody so if something goes wrong I know exactly who did it. She is obviously an employee of yours but I’ve never seen her before so I would like to know who she is.”

“Spies,” Tony mutters under his breath before speaking louder. “Her name is Y/n and she’s my new intern.”

“What happened to Sarah?” Natasha asks. Sarah wasn’t extraordinary in any sense but she worked hard and Natasha could admire that.

“Couldn’t handle the pressure and started crying in the labs a few days ago saying it was too hard and she wanted to quit, so I told her she no longer had an internship.” Tony explains.

“Which is why you are going to be more understanding and less hard on Y/n.” Pepper interjects, giving Tony a look. “This is your fourth intern in three months. It doesn’t look good for the press if none of your interns like the program or pass it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony waves his hand around. Natasha has no doubt that if he is unsatisfied with your work he’ll take away your internship as well, without considering Pepper’s words.

“Well thank you for your help Tony, I’m going to go talk to her and see what I can find out now,” she tells him, starting to walk away.

“Spies,” Tony mutters again, shaking his head fondly as he watches her go.

---

“I’ll take a shot of vodka, neat,” a sultry voice says and you spin around to find yourself face to face with the feared assassin and possibly most beautiful woman to ever exist, Natasha Romanoff.

“I-um, er-” She lifts an eyebrow delicately and you fall silent.

“You do know how to do that right?” she asks sarcastically.

“Of course,” you tell her, more confident after taking a breath. You busy yourself with making the drink which doesn’t take long at all.

“Here you go, um-” you flounder, unsure of what to address her as.

“Agent Romanoff,” she says, sticking out her hand for you to shake.

You lean over the counter and shake it. “Y/n.”

She hums thoughtfully. The view as you leaned over the counter was not bad and she wonders if you were showing off on purpose before brushing that idea out of your head. You seemed nervous early and your body language didn’t suggest anything flirty. Still, she couldn’t help but try her luck.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl like you,” she says and you feel heat rise in your cheeks and turn your head away so she can’t see your reaction. It’s useless of course and barely hides you at all but she finds it adorable that you tried and also adorable how flustered you get at one generic pick up line.

“Um, thank you,” you tell her, trying not to stutter. She bites back a smile. Just when she thought you couldn't get any more adorable you do, all cute and shy.

She winks. “Just the truth sweetheart.”

You nearly choke on your own spit when you hear her words. If you didn’t know any better you’d think she was flirting with you. But that is impossible because she is so much better than you that the thought alone is completely ridiculous.

“So how are you finding Stark industries so far?” she asks, switching the subject. As much fun as it’s been flirting with you she can tell she needs to tone it down a little if she doesn’t want you to combust.

You blink a few times at the sudden change before speaking. “It’s been quite an experience so far even though I’ve only been here a few days. Tony is definitely as brilliant and eccentric as everyone says and I think I’ve learned a lot and I’m excited to learn more.”

She laughs, a sound that makes you want to hear more. “Tony definitely is eccentric, but as long as you go along with it he’ll love you. And if you get on Pepper’s good side Tony will be scared to fire you.”

“Thanks for the tips,” you say surprised, “Pepper is definitely scarier than Tony.”

“Oh for sure,” Natasha- Agent Romanoff agrees, “but don’t let him hear you say that.”

“Don’t let who let you say what?” Tony asks, standing beside Natasha and throwing his arm around her. She immediately steps away, brushing him off.

“I was just warning your intern about how utterly stupid you can be sometimes,” she tells him, “I want to prepare her properly so she doesn’t leave or get fired like the others.”

She walks off and you watch her go, not noticing how entranced you are until Tony clears his throat.

“So Natasha huh?” he asks and you look at him wide eyed.

“I’m sorry Mister Stark, I don’t know what you mean.” you play dumb.

He shakes his head. “You’re not the first and you definitely won’t be the last, I can’t say I don’t blame you.”

“Mister Stark?”

He sighs. “Just be careful around her kid, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

You nod as he leaves the bar as well. The rest of the night you think about the weird exchanges you had with both Tony and Natasha. Everything you had heard about the Black Widow was that she was cold and unfriendly but she seemed pretty nice to you, especially with the weird almost flirting thing she was doing. You know it wasn’t real, you watch as she makes the rounds of the room and has everyone practically falling over her feet, but it felt real and when she smiles in your direction from across the room and makes eye contact you know that you are way too close from catching feelings, which is always a bad idea.

---

next part >>>

Taglist: @fayhar@xxxtwilightaxelxxx@acertainredhead@madamevirgo@megaqueenmaeve@cherryblossomskye@aaron-despair@chickenhavewisdom@emril-osvigne@nyankitty987@agathaharkness-simp@midnight-lestrange@thewidowsghost@nyx-aira@stephanieromanoff@satxnsupreme@likefirenrain@wlwlovesreading@natashadeservedbetter@stop-drop-and-drumroll@peggycarter-steverogers@casperlikej@redswing@mochamoff@king-star@blackbat2020

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #black widow x reader #marvel fanfiction #x reader

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mollrat101 · 2 years

Text

Ava’s Connection to Death & Suicide

How Deborah helps Ava choose life

As promised, here is my first of two essays that I will publish before Season 2 premieres on May 12th. The next one will be talking about DJ & Aidan as parallels to Deborah and Ava and how they represent a potential happy ending.

With this essay, I am introducing a new series...to my Ava & Deborah Could Be Endgame series called Why They’re So Important to Each Other. Basically, these are essays where I discuss more closely why Ava and Deborah are so critical to each other’s characters’ arcs.

If you haven’t already, feel free to check out the rest of my Ava & Deborah essay series on this masterpost here or over on A03. You don’t need to have read any of the other essays to read this one, although I would highly recommend my introduction essay as it clarifies what I’m trying to achieve with this series and what to expect. Obviously, spoilers for season 1 of Hacks.

Major trigger warning: Obviously, based on the title please know going into this essay that we’re going to talk about heavy subject matter such as depression, drug use, self-harm, death, murder-suicide, suicidal ideation and suicide. I’m not going to lie, this essay gets dark at times, but I promise I’m talking about this to make a hopeful point. I’m going to be frank about these issues, so just know that going into it. We’re also going to talk about canonical deaths, including a suicide, that happen during the show. Please take care of yourself if you have experiences with any of this and if you fear this may affect your mental health, feel free to skip. But I do promise this is going to be a hopeful essay as Hacks is a hopeful show, so I hope you’ll stick around.

Thank you again @sarahstreep7 for agreeing to be my beta! If you’re interested in reading a fic that talks about these issues, I highly recommend you check out @fleaflofloyd’s story There's Just An Empty Space (aka Stilted Monochrome). It’s excellent and you should go read it.

This essay clocks in at 12,000 words, so this is going to be a long one folks. Enjoy!

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While season 1 gave us a good foundation of Deborah’s character arc, her character wound and a sense of where she’ll go from here, Ava is still a little bit of a mystery.

Ava made some progress and we got a view on her flaws, but it’s not yet clear what exactly is Ava’s character wound. In other words, why is Ava the way she is and what is it that she needs to internally overcome in order to satisfy her arc.

Hopefully, season 2 will give us more insight into Ava but I did notice a startling theme surrounding Ava throughout season 1 that could be a clue.

The theme of death and suicide.

Ava & The Specter of Death

In a show with two leads who have a significantly large age gap, it is inherently surprising that imagery and associations of death primarily surround the younger character, Ava.

The two big pieces of evidence that Ava’s arc is associated with death are her first lines are about suicide and the fact that she has 3 mirror characters who all die throughout the season. But before we talk about those bigger pieces of evidence, let’s talk about some smaller details I’ve noticed.

Ava’s family

In one of her first lines, Ava mentions a memory of her Uncle Roko’s wake. It’s not clear whether this was Nina or Dennis’s brother, but fandom seems to believe Nina and I have to agree. It would certainly explain her neuroticism and her overprotectiveness of her family as he would’ve died fairly young. Because Ava mentions a sexual encounter, let’s assume this happened when she was a teenager between about 14-18, so at most that was about 10 years ago. Jane Adams, Nina’s actress, is 57 so let’s assume her brother might have been anywhere between his early 40’s to his early 50’s when he died. That’s pretty young and would’ve been a shock, so it’s understandable then (despite Ava making it into a joke) that this is what triggered Ava’s reaction to distract herself at his wake. Her mother’s emotions might have been difficult for her to manage.

Ava jokes that she thinks her uncle might be a serial killer

No grandparents are seen which means they might have also died before the show. It’s possible that Ava has had quite a few family members die and now her father has died.

Ava somewhat predicts her father’s death several episodes before. After Ruby asks after her father, she replies, “He’s…alive”

Ava’s health

Ava is the one who has a medical emergency in episode 6. Her ovarian cyst bursts. While not usually life threatening, Deborah arguably might have saved Ava’s life by getting her medical attention and forcing the doctor to figure out what was wrong with her. It’s just interesting that of the two of them, with Deborah being much older, it is Ava who experiences the medical emergency. Perhaps suggesting that, of the two of them, Ava is actually more likely to die first at this point.

Ava doesn’t take the best care of herself physically. She says she’s constantly dehydrated, she has a history of depression and anxiety and doesn’t seem to be in therapy, she uses a lot of drugs including hard drugs, she doesn’t seem to concentrate too much on eating healthy, we don’t see her exercise, she doesn’t wear sunscreen and she vapes (which likely means she used to smoke cigarettes). Maybe this is a stretch to call it about death, but I think it demonstrates the difference between the way Ava and Deborah see their own bodies. Deborah views her body in a utilitarian way and tries to mold it and shape it in order to create the public appearance she wants, even if it means forgoing her real desires. Ava views her body primarily as a vessel for pleasure and doesn’t feel as concerned with taking care of it. Say what you will about Deborah’s relationship with her own body (which I have), but Deborah does indeed take care of her body and it seems that despite being almost in her 70s Deborah doesn’t have any chronic diseases which is incredible. Health is not as simple as to just eat right or exercise and so much of it is not within people’s control, but even the healthy habits Ava could do, she doesn’t.

I mentioned before but it bears repeating that Ava has a history of depression, she mentions being on Lexapro, an antidepressant. She mentions Ativan, an anti-anxiety medication, in episode 5, which maybe she has experience with. It’s also revealed in episode 10, she carries Xanax on her. Considering she traded it for a cigarette and therefore misused it, I would put my money that she got it off the black market. Xanax is a benzodiazepine and can be extremely addictive. It’s one of the most widely abused prescription drugs so it’s not a big stretch to say she’s abusing it. One of the most common symptoms of depression is suicidal ideation. We’ll talk about that more later.

Ava’s most reckless moments tend to be spurred on by her use of drugs and alcohol. She has a habit of regularly using drugs like ecstasy, marijuana and cocaine and also prescription drugs like Xanax. Sometimes she mixes these drugs which increases the risk of overdose. When Jimmy tells her about the email she sent about Deborah, Ava seems startled about it which could mean she might have blacked out. This might not be an uncommon experience for her.

The 3 Dead Mirror Characters

The other details that I mentioned probably wouldn’t be that significant (bar Ava’s first lines, but I’ll talk about that in the next section), if it weren’t for one fact: Ava has 3 mirror characters who all end up dead by the end of season 1.

Frank, George, and her father Dennis.

First, before we begin, let me define what a mirror character is. I’m going to use the definition from perhaps the greatest influence on my meta series, Rebekah’s TJLC Explained series for the Sherlock fandom, and in the episode where she talks specifically about mirror characters.

“Mirroring is a literary device where a minor character is placed in the story who shares some traits with one of the main characters in order to reveal something about them.”

Frank, George and Dennis aren’t characters where we care about where their arc is going, but we do care about Ava. These 3 exist as a means to convey something to the audience about Ava, the main character we’re invested in. Frank is also important to Deborah, as he’s the most significant of the three, but that’s not for this essay.

3 is often considered the perfect number.

In [the eyes of Ancient Greek philosophers] the number 3 was considered the perfect number, the number of harmony, wisdom and understanding. It was also the number of time – past, present, future; birth, life, death; beginning, middle, end – it was the number of the divine.

Our view of the world is separated so smoothly, so naturally, and in so many ways, into three parts that this number is an innate part of our experience. And what's more, is that it's our relationship to these three parts that is how we find our place and position in the world, at any time.

Almost everything in life can (and is) separated into a beginning, a middle and an end. We live our lives through birth, life, and death. Time is measured through past, present, and future. The dimensions of the space we inhabit are measured through width, length and height. The Sun’s stages move through dawn, noon and dusk. The planting cycle of our food is also threefold: plant, harvest, dormant. The ancient matriarchal societies recognized the Moon’s three phases: waxing, full and waning The Goddess herself has three expressions: Virgin, mother and crone.

3 is an incredibly powerful number throughout literature, religion (e.g. the Holy Trinity) and it appears in much of life itself (the list above). 3 is an extremely common number used in narratives to establish patterns that are easy for audiences to remember (i.e. 3 Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the 3 Bears).

As 3 is the number for wisdom and understanding, then this pattern in Ava’s story represents a complete path for her. Her character journey can be represented by these 3 mirror characters.

3 is also associated with the concept of time: past, present and future.

Considering that the dead characters associated with Ava all die in delineated beginning, middle and end episodes, these characters can also represent the past, present and future for Ava’s character.

Frank = past -> dies in episode 1 (beginning)

George = present (or rather possible near future for Ava) -> dies in episode 5 (middle)

Dennis = future -> dies in episode 10 (end)

3 can also be associated with mind, body and spirit.

We’re going to break down each of these characters. Frank represents the past wrongs Ava will right and who she won’t become, George represents a potential dark path for Ava and Dennis represents a more positive, fulfilling path she will ultimately take.

Frank

Frank dies the night before Ava and Deborah first meet. If Frank died a few hours before the news release, then he might have died around the same time we’re introduced to Ava earlier that day.

This would make sense as Ava is frequently compared to Frank and so in the logic of the narrative, the parallel!Frank can’t enter the story until the real Frank dies.

Frank is the ghost haunting the entire narrative, particularly Deborah’s story.

His actions have reverberated throughout the whole story, leaving deep impressions long after he’s gone. Ava’s function in Deborah’s story is to essentially be the anti-Frank and to right the wrongs that Frank did. Ava is meant to exorcize Frank from Deborah’s life once and for all.

Frank is a character that Ava never meets and never will. Her only impressions of him are through stories told about him from other characters and through archival footage.

In one of the most well-known English stories about representations of time, Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Past is neither old nor young. We never see Frank at the age he dies at, 72, but only see archival footage of him when he was younger. Ava’s age difference to Deborah isn’t merely a useless fact but actually informs the story. She is 25 when the story starts, the same age Deborah was when her life imploded in 1976.

The Ghost of Christmas Past is also represented by light and constantly shifts form indicating that the past is malleable to some extent and how the past illuminates ourselves and where we currently are. Frank’s betrayal is Deborah’s core emotional wound and sheds light on why Deborah is the way she is. Ava is also representative of light and fire in Deborah’s life. Shining a light on things that Deborah has tried to avoid for decades and burning down the old growth of toxic patterns in her life (her emotional distance with DJ, her toxic relationship with Marty, etc.).

I like to think of Frank as representing the asshole side of Ava that we know she’s capable of being.

In the beginning, Ava is portrayed as someone who will bypass relationships and kindness towards others in order to feed her ambition. In episode 9, we see how much Ava has grown because of her bond with Deborah in that she rejects the British writers’ job offer. She chooses to stand by her moral principles and to not betray Deborah. Ava, in this instance, succeeds where Frank failed.

Frank is the extreme version of what Ava could become if not for her relationship with Deborah. Someone devoid of ethics, kindness and genuine relationships.

But Ava won’t become this.

As I’ve said, where Frank gets it wrong, Ava will get it right. Not because Ava is perfect (the email incident, after all) but because deep down she’s a good person and will learn from her mistakes.

While Ava will want to leave most comparisons of Frank behind, there is one piece of Frank that she’ll take with her in her relationship with Deborah: his creativity.

If Frank represents the mind in this triad, then Ava represents that creative partner Deborah has always wanted, the part of Frank that Deb fell in love with. He and Ava both give Deborah an idea that widens her view of what’s creatively possible.

Ava is most closely associated with Frank because she is the romantic partner who will help heal the wound created by Deborah’s last significant romantic partner: Frank.

But while Ava is too good of a person to live the rest of her life being a callous asshole like Frank, there is another much sadder possibility for her represented by the next mirror character.

George

George dies at the end of episode 5, in the middle of the season. The fact that he’s introduced and dies in the same episode exemplifies the inherent transient nature of the present.

George mentions losing $3,000 after he asks Ava to play his blackjack hand. After they officially meet, they do coke on the 3rd floor of the Palmetto. When he gives Ava the encouraging speech, he mentions having only known her for 3 hours. George says he lost $60,000 total that night, a number divisible by, you guessed it, 3.

As he represents the present, he gives insight more into Ava’s current state and represents a more likely dark future for her.

Like the Ghost of Christmas present, he first appears with a genial and carefree attitude seeking indulgence and celebration (The Ghost appears with a feast and shows Scrooge Christmas parties) but towards the end reveals stark human misery and a warning for the protagonist.

Many have commented on George’s manic pixie dream boy demeanor which fits with the idea that he more reflects Ava than he exists as a real character. He and Ava bond because he flatters Ava without revealing anything about himself, except in brief moments indicating he’s in a dark place.

George is her present because he is what Ava could become if something doesn’t change.

George is the body in the triad which makes sense both because Ava’s relationship with him involves mostly drugs and sex, how he represents physical affection in Ava’s dream and how he harms his own body via suicide.

Similar to Frank, George also represents a path for Ava in which she doesn’t atone for the hurt she’s caused others.

At the end of the episode, we find out George was found guilty of elder fraud. You could draw a parallel to the fact that Ava also ends up hurting an elderly person, Deborah, when she sends that email to the writers in episode 10.

Unlike George, Ava will face up to what she’s done and will work to atone for it. And with eventually reconciling with Deborah, Ava will avoid George’s fate.

What I find so fascinating about Frank and George as mirror characters for Ava is that they express the duality of her character. She has the capability of both harming others and being a harm to herself. Same as Deborah, we can both feel sympathy for and also see how her inner pain has caused her to hurt others. She is neither a complete aggressor nor victim. The challenge is to accept herself and her flaws, but to ultimately try her best to be as good to the people in her life as she can be. Which brings us to…

Dennis Dennis represents a hopeful future for Ava, as he dies at the end of the first season in episode 10. He represents a new chapter going forward for her.

As Ava’s father, he represents the future as children are a literal attempt for people to project themselves long after their deaths. Dennis’s legacy, as a person, continues to live on in his daughter Ava.

Deborah: “I didn’t know him but I knew his daughter. And I know that he had to be a very special person to raise someone like her.”

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come represents the fear of death and to always remember what kind of legacy we wish to leave behind after we die. Dennis’s death is the hardest on Ava emotionally, but it seems to be one that Ava has subconsciously been preparing for. Dennis has been ill for quite a while and, when we finally see him, he looks in pretty bad shape. It’s clear that Ava loves her father, but her interactions with him also seem to suggest she’s been emotionally distancing herself from him. The specter of death looms large above Dennis and, like most humans, Ava wants to avoid it. It’s a common reaction for people to distance themselves from their loved ones when they become very sick, not to due to lack of love, but because of the fear of death and the fear of watching your loved one slowly die.

However, Dennis’s death offers an important possibility for Ava’s future.

Out of these 3 people, it is Dennis who Ava should most want to emulate. She can take her father’s wisdom and the unconditional love he gave her and pay it forward in her own life.

Dennis wasn’t a perfect man. It seemed Ava inherited his impulsiveness and penchant for mischief, but it’s also clear that Dennis tried his best to make sure he never caused real destruction in the lives of the people he loved. He was willing to sacrifice his ego and his own comfort to be there for the people he loved. He was a loyal husband and a loving father who unconditionally supported his daughter in her creative pursuits (even if he didn’t understand them). He was beloved by his community for the laughs he brought them, his loyalty, his kindness, his humility and his commitment to doing the right thing. And up until the very end, he tried to be in good spirits despite his illness and never stopped prioritizing the people he loved.

This all sounds like a real possible future for Ava.

Dennis represents a middle ground between the two extremes presented by Frank and George. Frank is a picture of Ava following her ambitions to the fullest not caring who gets in her way. He lives a long, rather successful life but he’s morally bankrupt and likely lacked any honest or intimate connections in his life. George is a picture of Ava who accelerates her penchant for self-destruction to the fullest. The loneliness and loss of meaning, consumed by guilt and not willing to face the harm she’s caused, throttles her towards the ultimate self-destructive act: suicide.

Dennis didn’t live as long as Frank but he has tried to live his life in the most virtuous way he could. He prioritized his relationships with others and, because of that, lived a rather full life.

In the future where Ava becomes more like Dennis, she also is loyal and unconditionally supportive to her wife, Deborah and step-daughter, DJ. She is a prominent and beloved member of her Las Vegas community. She has managed to turn her self-destructive tendencies into more self-compassion and creative drives.

Dennis represents Ava’s spirit therefore her highest possible self.

“Being spiritual is being centered and having an understanding that you are part of something much bigger than yourself. Facilitating a healthy spirit includes being part of a community to share yourself with others, and to give without expecting anything tangible in return. A healthy spirit requires love.”

Ava’s Suicidal Ideation

“Suicidal ideations (SI), often called suicidal thoughts or ideas, is a broad term used to describe a range of contemplations, wishes, and preoccupations with death and suicide.”

First lines & Ava’s suicide “plan”

Just like Deborah, Ava’s first lines reveal something important about her character and unfortunately too, they reveal something sad under that humorous facade.

Deborah’s lines “joke” about how unhappy she is with her romantic and sexual life with men and how she would consider dating women if only being a lesbian wasn’t somehow worse. She’s deeply unhappy and frustrated, but trying something different is both scary and leaves her open to being judged so she’s…stuck. As her hidden face to us, the audience, indicates, she must keep performing what the public expects of her even if the truth is something different (something we’re going to find out).

Ava “jokes” that the way to deal with obstacles, her isolation and her inner pain…is to kill herself.

Ava: “I should just jump out the window.”

Jimmy: “Well, you’d probably just break your legs ‘cause of the fifth floor terrace. But if you’re seriously thinking of hurting yourself--”

Ava: “I’m not. Plus I’ve told you how I would kill myself a million times. I’d wear a suicide vest--

(they say at the same time) “On ‘Watch What Happens Live.’”

What I also think is interesting about Ava and Deborah's first lines/jokes is that they are jokes that they’ve clearly told many times.

Ava is explicit in saying she’s told Jimmy “a million times” and he even remembers it which is impressive for a character who’s so forgetful (e.g. forgets Marcus’s job title, Marty’s name, etc.). Marty says in episode 1 that Deborah is on cruise control on stage. The main criticism given to Deborah’s set is that it’s not evolving, it’s become stale.

These jokes represent how both Deborah and Ava are stuck in toxic beliefs they can’t seem to shake. Like a chewed up piece of gum, these jokes are just Deborah and Ava constantly gnawing on the same problems over and over again. The point is that these are both performances highlighting issues they have, but the jokes never lead to a revelation of emotional truth and/or inspire any change.

Let’s try to break down Ava’s lines further.

What makes this significant is how much Ava has made this joke. Now, we know that Ava tends to repeat jokes especially if she doesn’t get the response she’s looking for the first time. But the fact that she’s said it so much that even Jimmy can recite it? That she says she’s said it a million times as though Jimmy should’ve been so forgetful about Ava’s suicide plan. I had a plan, Jimmy, I told you all about it, Ava says.

Now what I find interesting about Ava’s interactions with Jimmy is how much she emotionally vomits all over him. Ava has no friends and is lonely so, even though it’s highly inappropriate, she tells her agent highly personal stuff.

“This is probably just residual Catholic guilt bullshit, but I can’t help feeling that this is all punishment for getting fingered at my Uncle Roko’s wake.”

“I was fucking my Postmate.”

None of these things she’s telling Jimmy are lies. But Ava plays an interesting emotional trick with people: she can somehow both be honest and yet at the same time not be vulnerable. Those things she says to Jimmy, each time Ava is telling the truth but she leaves out the emotional context of it. She plays off the idea of being emotionally raw and honest, but she only presents half-truths which are exemplified in the fact that we only see half her face when we first meet her (as compared to Deborah’s whole face being covered, at first).

Yes, she fucked her Postmate but why did she do that? Because she’s still reeling from being dumped by Ruby and, on top of all that, now she’s been rejected by her professional circle and the wider public. She was lonely, craving touch and craving distraction from her pain.

Yes, she got fingered at her Uncle’s wake but why did she do that? Well, if we assume her Uncle Roko was Nina’s brother (most likely) then Nina was a mess especially as Ava’s uncle might have only been in his 40s or 50s. Dealing with her mother’s grief and anxiety (and we know Ava felt the need to emotionally look after her mom), she craved distraction and closeness.

None of these “jokes” are about self-reflection or vulnerability (as she claims to champion) but instead intended to shock her audience. “Look how crazy and wild I am! I’m being so honest about the crazy things I’ve done!” Meanwhile she doesn’t have to reveal any emotional truth behind these stories. Anything that might reveal sadness, loneliness or pain. It’s a release valve for Ava to feel like she’s shown a little bit of herself to others, but completely on her terms and in the way she wants to be seen. Ava fights a tension between a desire to be honest and how afraid she is of being rejected once she does. It’s not that dissimilar to Deborah really, but Deb’s performance is more all encompassing and more solidified.

One contrast, I can think of is how Ava responds to George’s suicide. Seeing someone die by suicide is an incredibly harrowing experience. She mentions to the British writers about George’s suicide. When they laugh, she replies it’s not a joke. She responds differently because she got to release some of her emotions about that because Deborah listened to her and empathized with her. A contrast to her other “jokes”.

Bringing it back around to Ava’s first lines, this could be another example except for a joke she’s told very often. So Ava isn’t lying here that she’s thought about suicide before. She’s not seriously considering it at this moment, but she has thought about it and apparently she’s thought about it a lot. This is a consistent problem that never gets any resolution. No emotional truth is teased out from her jokes about suicide. Ava struggles with depression and social isolation, she thinks about suicide, but never feels desperate enough to attempt.

Ava: Plus I’ve told you how I would kill myself a million times. I’d wear a suicide vest--

Ava and Jimmy: (they say at the same time) “On ‘Watch What Happens Live.’”

This suicide “plan” is completely implausible. Of course, I recognize that the exaggeration is likely the point of the joke, but let’s just try to read into it more than that.

We know Ava has some of the risk factors for suicide (which we’ll talk about in more detail later) but the final part of it is an acute stressor event and access to lethal means. The vast majority of suicide attempts are impulsive acts, not meticulously planned ones. Most attempts are made within about 3 hours of the person deciding to kill themselves. And if you can make the chosen lethal method inaccessible (taking away guns, safety nets under bridges, etc.), then most people will give up on the plan altogether.

This is just a plan, none of it would actually come to fruition. Ava won’t be invited onto Watch What Happens Live and she won’t get access to explosives. And even in the extremely unlikely case she did, she would have a lot of time to back out of it and she most assuredly would. It’s nonsense.

Nevertheless this plan gives us a lot of insight into Ava’s headspace.

There are two main ways to describe this suicide plan: attention-seeking and angry.

Attention-seeking is obvious because that’s Ava’s normal mode of operation, as I discussed earlier.

What this plan is about is about Ava’s desperate desire to have her pain taken seriously. She is lonely and feels constantly rebuffed by her attempts to be vulnerable or honest. Most notably in her interactions with Jimmy, Kayla and her mother. This plan would have it be that the audience would be forced to take her pain seriously and for Ava to essentially punish the world for rejecting her.

Which really speaks to how angry Ava is at the rejection she’s faced in life. After all, this isn’t just a suicide plan, it’s a murder-suicide plan. The people in the studio would also either die or be severely injured. Not to mention the emotional toll it would take on the people who would be witness to this.

One possible studied reason of people who commit murder-suicide is the desire to seek vengeance against those they have perceived having wronged them. The best example I can think of to make an analogy to her plan is the idea of recent historical examples of U.S. school shootings (Columbine High School shooting in 1999, Virginia Tech, etc.). For my non-American readers, these shootings kind of got told as about outcast loners who took revenge for being rejected by their peers. The actual validity of that story is extremely debatable (and debunked in the Columbine shooting) but it’s nevertheless a cultural narrative that has taken hold in American memory.

But I think there’s another grisly event in American broadcasting history you could point to in connection to Ava’s plan that matches a bit more closely.

On July 15, 1974, Christine Chubbuck, a news reporter from Sarasota, Florida, was live on air when she said, “In keeping with the WXLT practice of presenting the most immediate and complete reports of local blood and guts news, TV 40 presents what is believed to be a television first. In living color, an exclusive coverage of an attempted suicide." She then shot herself and died 14 hours later. She was 29. She was the first person to die by suicide on a live television broadcast.

Chubbuck had a long history of severe depression, suicidal ideation and had even attempted suicide in the past. Christine was incredibly driven and ambitious and she loved her job as a reporter, even if she wasn’t always happy with the direction the station wanted to go in. One notable cause her family claimed after her death was how socially isolated she was, that she had no close friends or a romantic partner. Co-workers claimed she was a difficult person to get to know as she would push people away and reject positive attention directed towards her. A week before her death, a coworker said she told him she bought a gun and joked about killing herself on air. He dismissed it as simply a sick joke.

What’s also notable about this gruesome case is how few people even know about it. Most people who know about this case are either the true crime community or the few people who were there. They say you die how you live and unfortunately it seems just as true for Christine. She lived feeling forgotten about and she died forgotten about.

My ultimate fear of Ava having not met Deborah would be her dying…and being prominently forgotten. The only people who would’ve really noticed being her mother, Jimmy and Ruby (her father would’ve passed).

I’m not trying to suggest that the writers had this connection in mind. I highly doubt they did. But this case eerily reminds me of Ava. Someone in their 20’s, who is driven, ambitious, lonely but also pushed others away, had a history of depression and suicidal ideation and someone who had a suicide plan that spoke of resentment and rage.

Even Ava’s choice of talk show seems a little sinister. “Watch what happens” was the Bravo network logo the show’s title was taken from. “Watch what happens when you ignore me. Watch what happens when the city I’ve tried so hard to fit into, rejects me.”

Now, obviously, Ava wouldn’t actually do this. Not just because, as I’ve said, it’s completely implausible but because Ava wouldn’t actually want to hurt anyone. Thinking about hurting others is very normal, if very stigmatized to talk about. When I was in outpatient therapy, one of the questions they would ask of us every morning at check ins was if you felt suicidal or homicidal today. But not that many people choose to premeditatedly commit violence against others.

No, this plan is an expression of frustration at a world that has made Ava feel less than.

Unfortunately, the show has given us a more realistic idea of how Ava might kill herself in the form of George.

George as Ava’s Shadow Self

I’ve talked before about how George is connected to Ava, but the fact that he dies by suicide seals this theme’s connection to Ava.

As we just talked about Ava’s first lines about jumping out the window, it also ties directly to George who dies by jumping out of the window of his suite at the Palmetto. The night before he says, “Sometimes the universe gives you a path, and you say, ‘I’m gonna fucking jump’ and the net will appear. Right?”

Ava mentions jumping again in episode 3: “Did you think if I jumped, I’d die or just break my legs?” The episode Ava meets George in is called “Falling”.

One of the first things he says to Ava is “Well, I think this is a very good omen. I feel like we’re about to win a bunch of money together.” An omen is “an occurrence or phenomenon believed to portend a future event”. It can portend either a good or bad fate, but typically the way I’ve seen the word omen used is to predict something bad to happen and we know something will at the end of the episode. But also considering he’s talking about meeting Ava as her mirror, George is representing a potential future for Ava.

Both are from Massachusetts. It’s certainly not unusual that people from all over the world visit Las Vegas, as it’s a tourist destination, but it’s still a strange coincidence, so it must be intentional.

Ava to George: “Look at us! We’re both from Mass and we love cocaine. What are the odds?”

What are the odds indeed, Ava.

Considering they’re both from the state, they also get excited asking about their favorite pizza place. They both choose Papa Gino’s.

Oh yeah and they both love cocaine. Which speaking of, George definitely reflects Ava’s penchant for impulsivity and self-destruction. He travels to Las Vegas to engage in reckless behaviors such as blowing all his money, using hard drugs and casual sex with strangers and then finally to kill himself. While the “plan” Ava jokes about will never happen, what George does is a more realistic idea of what Ava might do. Either jumping or possibly hoping she overdoses on drugs. After all, George showed no care about mixing drugs or care for where he got them. You die as you live, they say.

Ava mentions to George that the kids at her high school would spells words backwards to make sure their parents didn’t know what they were talking about. She says the cool kids would say their names backwards as nicknames. She said it was a disadvantage to her popularity because her name backwards is still just Ava. …nah too easy. I’m going to let you have this one Ava. Having a name go in reverse could make you think of how names appear in front of a mirror, furthering the idea that George is indeed supposed to be a mirror of Ava as they talk about this in front of the bathroom mirror. One blatant way to establish a mirror character is have them be, well, in front of a mirror.

George indulges Ava’s worst impulses. He encourages her to impulsively quit her job, despite the fact that Ava would be worse off professionally and financially if she did so. Quitting your job with no backup plan and burning bridges makes perfect sense to a person who’s already given up on life, as there’s no consideration for taking care of yourself or planning for the future. And while Ava isn’t on that level at that moment, she definitely behaves recklessly in ways that make her situation worse. He tries to agree with Ava that the L.A. group of women who call Ava out on her opportunistic past behavior are jerks, but because of Deborah’s influence Ava is able to see her past actions more clearly. We see her grow with her admitting that she behaved selfishly. If she hadn’t been called out earlier by Deborah, Ava would’ve likely agreed with George.

The most vulnerable we’ve seen Ava be with another person up until this point is with George.

“I wasn’t cool in high school.”

“I’ve been, like, obsessed with being cool and popular. It’s fucking pathetic and so basic.”

“I don’t really have friends, George. I think that’s a huge red flag about me as a human being.”

The only other person Ava is really vulnerable with is Deborah after this. I think Ava lets George in, partially because he’s such a blank slate. He doesn’t really talk about himself (which Ava says at the end of the episode) and, unlike Deborah, he doesn’t offer a view of the world that she finds challenging. But also on one level, as she said, they’re alike or at least that’s how Ava perceives it. She can tell George things probably because she’s projecting and essentially just saying things she’s thought about before but never really processed until now. But it’s not George who gets Ava to that moment…it’s Deborah.

To be a little more positive though, George does tell things Ava also needs to hear, like she can be, funny, kind and smart. He does give voice to her feelings, even if he doesn’t offer very good solutions: “If you’re not happy with something, you gotta change it, right?” He tells her that changing your personality isn’t really the way, but instead to learn to accept and love yourself for who you are and the good you do. Sounds like a thesis of Hacks if I ever heard one.

He does mention he has a poor relationship with his father which could maybe make a parallel to Ava’s poor relationship with her mother, Nina.

George’s room where George died by suicide in is called the Hemingway suite.

The most famous name that comes to mind is Ernest Hemingway. Hemingway was a famous American writer who died by suicide in 1961. He tends to belong to a list of other well-known writers who died by suicide such as Sylvia Plath, Virigina Woolf and David Foster Wallace. We know George isn’t a writer, so the connection relates to Ava, especially since George makes reference to the fact that Ava is a writer and an artist.

(Quick aside: If these kinds of suicides happen a lot in Vegas, why would you tempt fate and call a suite ‘Hemingway’?? Not saying it would do anything to change that, just saying that seems like a stupid move.)

Finally, we learn at the end that George was a conman who was guilty of elder fraud. He went to Vegas to kill himself and escape the consequences. I think this is a very intentional parallel to a very soon future event where Ava also hurts an elderly person, Deborah, by sending that email to the British writers.

Similar to Frank, the scale and maliciousness are not comparable to Ava. George and Frank both hurt people during their lives and never atoned for it. Both intentionally targeted a vulnerable person or people and systematically took advantage of them. During the whole night, George never gives any indication that he feels guilty for the hurt he caused but instead seems to mostly either not care or show some moments of self-pity. Not gonna lie, this kinda sounds like Ava doesn’t it? Ava is prone to self-pity. Ava struggles to understand she has the power to hurt others.

But I think this is a point of comparison that offers hope. George didn’t want to face up to the hurt he caused. It wouldn’t have been an easy choice but he could’ve owned up to what he had done and tried to atone for it, but he didn’t. Ava will though. Ava will atone for the hurt she’s caused Deborah. My hope is not just that Ava can help restore Deborah’s trust in her, but also that she takes this as a learning experience. She will do what Frank didn’t and not choose selfish ambition over love and kindness. She will do what George didn’t and be willing to own up to the hurt she’s caused without falling into despair.

Signs & risk factors of suicidal ideation

“Risk factors are characteristics of a person or his or her environment that increase the likelihood that he or she will die by suicide.”

Unfortunately, Ava has quite a few suicide risk factors.

Misuse and abuse of alcohol or other drugs

Ava’s relationship with drugs…could probably be an essay in of itself, let’s be real.

(Just a quick disclaimer: I worry that I can come off as judgemental about Ava’s drug use, but I just want to be clear that I have no moral problem with drugs. All of my concerns about Ava’s drug use are purely about her health and well-being, not about moral values.)

Suffice to say, Ava is a rather frequent user of all different kinds of drugs and it’s a sure bet she’s been a user for a while now.

“Was it at least good cocaine?”

Considering she seems addicted to her vape pen, it’s likely Ava used cigarettes at some point in the past. Makes sense as LGBTQ people tend to have higher smoking rates.

Ava almost always has a constant supply of drugs on her person.

She mixes drugs. When she’s in the hospital she admits that molly, cocaine and marijuana are in her system. The doctor seems rather perturbed that she has so many drugs in her system at one time. Mixing drugs can heighten any one of the drugs’s effects in negative ways and increase the risk of overdose.

She frequently uses drugs to cope with her emotions and then takes reckless behavior while under the influence that causes more stress in her life. A few examples, but yeah let’s go with the granddaddy of them all: the email.

Drugs, for Ava, aren’t just a fun, recreational thing she does every now and again. It seems to be a coping strategy for her. My concern is partially for her health, but also because it seems this strategy makes her life considerably harder.

Mental disorders, particularly depression and other mood disorders

Ava does mention she’s on Lexapro. She’s probably been in treatment for depression and anxiety before, but she’s not following a strict treatment program and she doesn’t seem to be in therapy.

Also, if she is on antidepressant, then Ava shouldn’t be mixing so many drugs while she’s on it. That not only dampens the effects of the antidepressant, but also increases the risk of injury or death when those drugs interact with each other.

Previous suicide attempt/s or self-harming behavior

We don’t know about any past attempts or self-harming behavior. I think it’s possible though. If she attempted in the past she either didn’t tell anyone about it or perhaps only her parents know. It would certainly explain why Nina is so worried about Ava. Nina asks if she can take her to the pediatrician as if Ava needs Nina to take care of her medically. Could be a response to Nina experiencing some type of medical crisis for Ava in the past or that could be from another experience Nina has had.

Access to lethal means

Ava always seems to have a steady supply of drugs on her, including prescription drugs that she could use to overdose with. Unfortunately, George’s suicide showed her another possiblity with jumping off of any of the tall buildings in Vegas.

Knowing someone who died by suicide, particularly a family member

George. She was the last person to see him alive and she was the one who saw the room after he jumped. It’s likely the effect of his suicide isn’t over for her. It’s also possible for a past family member, but we just don’t know.

Social isolation

“I don’t have any friends, George”

Ruby, her only person in LA, broke up with her 3 months before the series started. I’ve talked before about how much isolation is a part of Ava’s character.

Lack of access to behavioral health care

Ava expresses positive thoughts about therapy, but it doesn’t seem that she herself is in therapy. She does get health insurance from Deborah, but it’s unclear what mental health benefits she gets. Although I suspect that it’s not financial inaccessibility that’s the reason Ava isn't in therapy, rather she’s more afraid of it than she lets on.

Family history of a mental disorder or substance use

Nina, Ava’s mother, shows a good deal of neuroticism although we don’t get any diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. Ava says she suspects her uncle is a serial killer (anti-social behavior and violence). Any other family history is unknown.

“Stress resulting from prejudice and discrimination (family rejection, bullying, violence) is a known risk factor for suicide attempts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth.”

Ava says she was “uncool” in high school, but doesn’t exactly say she was bullied, but there’s a possibility she was. Even then, social rejection by peers still has a profound traumatic effect on teenagers. She likely had no friends in school.

Her father seems unconditionally supportive, but unfortunately he has passed away. Nina seems to reject almost everything about Ava (her political views, her writing, her career choice, etc.). We don’t get confirmation but considering how religious Nina is, she might also not be super comfortable with Ava’s bisexuality. She didn’t disown her, but she might avoid the subject (I’ve experienced that with family members).

Bisexuals, unfortunately, have a higher risk of suicide than their lesbian and gay peers due to facing discrimination from both the straight and the gay world. Ava is a very out and proud bisexual woman and while we don’t see it, I imagine this hasn’t always been easy for her and she’s gotten some shit for it.

Ava’s career as a comedy writer There’s no definite scientific research that proves that comedians are more likely to die by suicide or more depressed than other people, but I think we have to take this into consideration for 2 reasons: 1) Robin Williams’ high-profile suicide in 2014 has really caused mental illness in the comedy world to be a more talked about issue and 2) comedians themselves have commented this is an issue they’ve noticed.

If I tried to list all of the famous comedians who have struggled with mental health problems, we would frankly be here all day. The mythology of professional comedians is that they’re usually a pretty troubled bunch of people.

Comedians themselves will admit to this.

“100% of comedians became comedians because somewhere in their childhood, they needed to be funny in order to survive.”

-Sarah Silverman

“…comedy, of any sort, is usually a byproduct of a tumor that grows on the human soul…Find a comedian, and you'll usually find somebody who had a shitty childhood.”

-David Wong

“I used to be riddled with insecurites and always trying to prove myself in some way because I felt kind of less than everywhere I went and so I had to try to overcompensate for that and I would overcompensate in some ways by being a dick.”

-Rainn Wilson

Laughing Matters, a documentary, talks to several professional comedians about their experience with mental illness.

There does seem to be some consensus that the drive to be funny in childhood comes from a place of wanting to be liked and maybe finding that to be your only avenue, especially if you were insecure or needed to soothe yourself from a troubled home life.

Ava: “Being back in this house is just making me remember that I always felt really, really lonely here. I think that’s why I started doing comedy in the first place. Because it was just a way to feel connected to people who thought about things the way I did. But now I’m just like, maybe I shouldn’t shape my entire existence around a response to a shitty childhood. That’s not a very good reason to pursue a career.”

Quite the contrary, Ava, apparently you’re in good company on that front. Plus, just want to say this isn’t particular to comedians. Most of the people I know who go into psychology have struggled with mental illness before or had a family member who did.

Some other things that are talked about in the documentary include how the culture amongst comedians kind of dissuades people from getting help both because of past famous comedians who didn’t seek help but also because many see their troubles as fodder for their comedy.

“Comedians especially believe these feelings [anxiety, depression] are our creativity.”

-Baron Vaugh

They also seem to agree that comedy can be a powerful way to deal with past traumas and hurts and turn them into art people can enjoy. Hacks is obviously a big believer in this as well.

However, an important caveat they make is that comedy is not therapy. Comedy can’t be a substitute for actually doing the work of trying to heal. Comedy can be one tool to help you deal with pain, but it can’t be your only tool is what they seem to be saying.

“There’s nothing more important to me than being funny, except being well.”

-Sarah Silverman

“I love comedy more than anything, but it’s not a safe space to go heal.”

-Chris Gethard

Ava clearly used comedy as a way of responding to a difficult childhood. She says so herself. That, in of itself, isn’t a bad thing. It’s an understandable response.

I certainly don’t want Ava to give up comedy. Rather I think she needs balance. So far, she’s been relying on temporary highs to deal with her pain like casual sex, drugs, alcohol and comedy. But in order to fully heal, she’s going to have do more emotional work, she’s going to need to build a stronger support network and she needs to face her problems more directly.

Maybe it’s true that all comedians became comedians because they felt broken in their childhoods, but nothing says it has to stay that way. We can’t control what happens to us in our childhoods, but we do have more power as adults.

It is within Ava’s power to strive both to be funny and to be well.

Precipitating and protective factors

Stressful events that can trigger a suicidal crisis in a vulnerable person.

Examples include:

End of a relationship or marriage

Ruby breaking up with her about 5 months ago. The confrontation between Deborah and Ava in episode 10 felt very much like a breakup.

Death of a loved one

Her father, her most important and unconditionally supportive person, has just passed away

Serious financial problems

Ava got a bad deal on her house, so now she’s lost money on that. Luckily, Marcus helped her try to recoup some of that money by renting it out. However, without working for Deborah, Ava would likely be in a bad financial hole and forced to move back home.

That was a lot, but now we’re going to move into more hopeful territory. Social scientists say there are protective factors against suicide that either people can incorporate into their lives or seek out resources.

Major protective factors for suicide include:

Effective behavioral health care

Connectedness to individuals, family, community, and social institutions

Life skills (including problem solving skills and coping skills, ability to adapt to change)

Self-esteem and a sense of purpose or meaning in life

Cultural, religious, or personal beliefs that discourage suicide

My ultimate thesis is that Ava being in relationship with Deborah will give Ava access to or gain some of these protective factors.

Why Deborah Will Save Ava

Hacks is a love story between two women who change each other’s lives.

Season 1 focuses primarily on how Ava changes Deborah’s life, as Deborah is the one who goes through the biggest change. However, this is a show that has two co-leads with neither taking up more screen time than the other, so the presumption is that we will also see Ava go through a big transformation as well.

So much of what Ava helps Deborah with is being able to reconcile with the past and to find a new path forward where she’s controlling the narrative of what it all means to her and finding ways to live beyond her fear.

If we go with Ava and Deborah helping each other with equal but opposite problems, then Deborah will help Ava with the future.

As I said in my essay on the parallels between Hacks and Carol:

“As if ordained by the universe, the show also seems to be arguing that Ava and Deborah meeting is to right a wrong. A wrong which allows a talented older woman who was denied a history-making opportunity and will fade into obscurity (both professionally and romantically) due to misogyny and homophobia. A wrong which allows the comedy world to lose a young woman’s unique perspective and the tragedy of a young woman’s preventable death. In true heavenly omniscient fashion, the rights to be wronged are both about past events and future events.”

How Ava would be without Deborah

The worst case scenario is that, without Deb in her life, Ava will die. I think that’s what the show is strongly suggesting.

Let’s just imagine what would happen if Ava never met Deborah.

She still has all the same problems and her coping mechanisms tend to be drugs; she could overdose or develop a bad addiction

She’s still socially isolated and now she’s lost her father

She could end up back in her mother’s house where she hates it and she gives up on comedy, like Deborah, the one thing that has kept her going and allowed her to feel connected to others

Ava will have all the risk factors but without Deborah’s support and offer of hope, both personally and professionally

Now, obviously, I can’t predict for sure that Ava would die without Deborah. But you have to admit this is a lot for a person to handle, especially considering how isolated Ava is. It would be understandable for Ava’s response to be she feels she can’t cope in a healthy way.

I would argue Deborah helps save Ava from this fate, not just with her presence, but because of specifically what Deborah can offer Ava.

What Ava can learn from Deborah

One of the protective factors for suicide is “life skills (including problem solving skills and coping skills, ability to adapt to change)”.

Deborah and Ava undoubtedly challenge each other and make each other better in the process. Another way of viewing conflict is opportunity. Conflict can be an opportunity to learn something new about yourself or the person you’re in conflict with. It can let you develop skills and perspectives that you wouldn’t otherwise have had.

The way I see it, Deborah could be most helpful to Ava in teaching her how to be more resilient, be more adaptable and gain more self-discipline and self-regulation.

One of the first major conflicts between Ava and Deborah concerns Ava’s work ethic. She lacks resiliency. When something doesn’t go as planned, Ava will drag her heels and not adapt. Ava is impatient and wants success now, but she doesn’t want to have to suffer for it. But the truth is that doing anything well (whether it’s a career, a marriage or raising a child) requires a lot of unpleasant work and what’s required of you will constantly keep changing.

To me, this problem can definitely be at least partially attributed to Ava’s age. I’ve always said Deborah is a survivor and she’s had to learn how to be one in the difficult life she’s had. Deborah has been through shit and while I would argue she hasn’t necessarily coped all that well, the fact remains Ava could learn from Deborah’s resilience. When all seemed lost, Deborah found things to hang onto. Whether it was her deep love for comedy or for someone she loved like her daughter or her sister.

Deborah: “You still have to work really fucking hard, and even that is not enough. you have to scratch and claw and it never fucking ends. and it never gets better. It just gets harder.”

Deborah (after Ava explains the aftermath of her bad tweet): “That sounds like a Tuesday for me.”

Ava is much stronger than she thinks she is. Deborah can teach her this.

A major difference between how Deborah and Ava are is that I think Ava represents chaos and Deborah control. We’ve just talked about how reckless and impulsive Ava is. Deborah, meanwhile, has a lot of self-discipline and works really hard to control as many aspects of her life that she’s able to. Deborah definitely struggles with letting herself relax and not be willing to let go of some control, but Ava could learn the ways in which Deborah invests in her health.

Deborah is an example of a disciplined artist. She doesn’t just expect talent will be enough, she knows she has to practice. She tells Ava she’s told over 30,000 jokes across her whole career, so for her she keeps track of her progress and believes putting out a large volume of work is important to the creative process. Deborah gets up every morning and exercises and eats well. She’s almost 70 years old and we get no indication she has any chronic diseases. She understands that building a successful career depends on maintaining relationships, showing up, acting professionally and constantly striving to be better and adapting.

I just think that Ava’s life would be better, and likely longer, if she learned how to take better care of herself and how to show more self-discipline in her professional life.

And we see that it’s already working! Ava skips out on sleeping with Ruby to prepare for her interview the next day in episode 9. Ava choosing work over short-term pleasure is a sign of growth for her and it’s all because of Deborah’s influence.

Deborah’s love and acceptance

We’re not meant to go through life alone.

While I do think Ava can learn some skills to help her cope, I don’t think the burden of responsibility on preventing suicide relies simply with the suicidal person. Community has to step in.

When I’ve been severely suicidal, it would’ve been impossible for me to pull myself out of it on my own. I needed others to help me. I needed others to not give up on me. I needed to know I was loved.

There was a beautiful tumblr post that I think encapsulates Deborah and Ava’s feelings of loneliness and uses it through this beautiful Timothy Keller quote:

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

Together, they both know and love each other.

Deborah offers Ava the chance to be known as she’s the one who listens to Ava the most. Deborah feels challenged by Ava’s perspective and sees the value in this.

With this powerful bond, Ava would find it much harder not to imagine that hurting herself wouldn’t hurt Deborah too. This unconditional love in her life would make it so that Ava could have somewhere to turn if she got desperate.

Deborah loves Ava, not because she has any illusions of who she is, but because she sees her very clearly and still sees her value. She holds Ava accountable for her behavior and calls her out on her bullshit. But her life is also changed by Ava’s insight and she emotionally relies on her.

If Ava fears that what makes her different might make her less lovable, Deborah says unequivocally that she likes those things about Ava that others may find off-putting.

Ava can’t hide with Deborah, in a way she can with others, but it’s ultimately a relief. Because Deborah loves Ava the more she knows about her.

Love doesn’t cure depression, but as the Keller quote above says having that profound bond of being known and loved certainly makes it easier to push through hard times.

Deborah gives Ava purpose and belonging

Those who are suicidal frequently feel that their life has no meaning and that others would be better off without them.

It would be difficult to justify killing yourself if you felt that you still had a reason to stay on Earth, whether because you had a mission or someone needed you.

Deborah can teach Ava life skills that can help, but ultimately it’s a basic human need to want to belong and to feel that our lives make sense. That we have a reason to get up in the morning.

Luckily, Deborah provides exactly that. Being with Deborah can provide Ava that sense of belonging and purpose she’s been searching for.

I’ve talked before about how Ava is a misfit. Ava feels she doesn’t really belong anywhere. Throughout season 1, Ava has no real permanent home and the closest she comes to is when she stays at Deborah’s house for a few weeks. While she doesn’t feel it now, I think the show is suggesting that Las Vegas is ultimately where Ava belongs.

In Los Angeles and Waltham, Ava doesn’t really have anybody. But even after a short time in Vegas, Ava is happy and she’s made friends, like Kiki and DJ and, of course, Deborah. Stepping into Deborah’s life gives Ava an already set up circle of people that she was severely lacking before.

Getting more specific, I think Ava could find belonging in the Vance family. Ava is already helping to bridge the emotional distance between DJ and Deborah. She’s giving Marcus a chance to individuate from Deborah. But perhaps more importantly, Ava is the missing piece of Deborah’s family Deborah has been wanting: a romantic partner. Deborah already has 2 children, a friend, a sort of grandchild in Luna, and while it will likely never be the same, Deborah and Kathy might reconcile giving her a sister back. What Deborah doesn’t have is a romantic partner.

I’ll talk about this in more detail when I talk about the parallels between Frank and Ava, but Ava is meant to be the romantic partner that Frank ultimately couldn’t be for Deborah. Ava is the romantic and creative partner Deb has always wanted and misses most about her time with Frank. Ava will allow Deborah to explore her queer sexuality which I’ve argued she’s long repressed. Ava will also stay with Deborah regardless of what happens in Deborah’s career and will be an unconditionally supportive partner.

In episode 8, there’s also a suggestion that not only are Deborah and Ava good for each other, but that they potentially have great work they’re destined to do together. I’ve compared them to Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner and the suggestion behind that is that these two romantic soulmates are going to have an influential impact on American comedy. Ava can find great purpose (and we know she already does) in working with Deborah.

In a broader way, I would also say Ava might find purpose in trying to making the rest of Deborah’s life as good as possible considering how long Deborah has been isolated. One of Ava’s biggest flaws is her selfishness. When Ava is acting at her worst, that’s usually what’s driving her. But we know this doesn’t actually make her happy. It’s perhaps a paradox that what tends to make us happy is being in service to others and not overly focusing on ourselves.

Ava potentially leaving L.A. to be with Deborah could be read as a sacrifice, but I also think that doesn’t have to be a negative. Beyond the fact that we’re not sure how they would work out their living arrangements, the fact is that Ava wouldn’t view leaving L.A. as a sacrifice if it meant greater happiness and connection. This choice would ultimately show growth for Ava. She’s choosing her love and connection with Deborah and the work she and Deborah will do together over her ideas of what’s “cool”. And in the end, that will make her feel her life has more purpose.

How choosing Deborah would push Ava

If I’m right that the connection between Ava and death is intentional and significant to her character, then there is a question that has to be asked: does it make sense then for Ava to choose to be with someone who she knows she might not get that much time with?

Let’s be blunt about this.

If they’re very lucky, Ava and Deborah might have about 25 years together. Deborah is in incredible shape and doesn’t seem to have any chronic diseases for now, but that likely won’t always be the case. If they do get the maximum amount of time together, Ava will still be a widow at around 50 years old. She’ll still have a lot of life left to live. The fact that Ava will one day have to live without Deborah is something they both will have to accept before they get into a relationship.

Most people’s skepticism about this relationship ever becoming romantic surrounds their large age gap. The two questions most people wonder: are they attracted to each other and would they be willing to enter into a relationship with each other despite this complication?

In episode 7, we’re given confirmation that Ava has no problem at all finding Deborah sexually attractive. Most people’s ageist assumptions would assume that’s impossible, but the writers make it clear that’s not an obstacle. Deborah is harder to answer as she’s much more guarded with her sexuality than Ava and I think there’s many facets of her own sexual desires she doesn’t understand herself. But as of right now, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Deborah could be sexually attracted to Ava. I would argue she is, as it’s difficult to understand some of her actions without that reading, but it’s not been textually confirmed yet.

The second question is much harder to answer. I can’t deny there are some relationships that have ended or not been embarked on because people were afraid of the social stigma they’d face and the stress a difference between them would bring to their lives. There’s no doubt Ava and Deborah would get a lot of shit from people for being together. But I personally don’t think the social stigma alone would be enough for them to not choose to be together. Deborah’s character at the end of season 1 emphasized how she’s starting to see it’s better to tell and live your truth regardless of how it will be received. It’s not hard to imagine Deborah would ultimately come to the same conclusion as well if she wanted to be with Ava. If other people don’t like it, that’s just not her problem.

The only thing that would matter is if both of them want it.

So let’s return to the question: would Ava willingly choose to love and be with someone who she knows will die long before her?

It has been said that all decisions we make in life are a choice between love and fear.

To me, Ava’s choice would come down to choosing love or fear. Would she choose to love Deborah knowing that she will have to grieve her in the near future? Or will she choose to try to move on and not face that possibility of losing the one she loves most?

I don’t think this is a real choice here. Whatever Ava chooses, it will be painful to lose Deborah. We can only love mortal beings who will one day leave us or we will have to leave them. No time with a loved one is guaranteed. We could get several decades or we could get a few minutes. If Ava decided to be with someone her own age, she could still potentially lose that person.

But if Ava doesn’t choose to be with Deborah and they both want to but she’s afraid, there is one thing that would be different. Ava would have regrets.

I don’t personally subscribe to the idea that living a life without regrets is aspirational or even possible. I think life is more complicated than that. But I also think this is a show that talks about the importance of sometimes needing to take a leap of faith. Deborah taking a leap of faith of being able to trust another romantic partner after Frank’s betrayal and be willing to take whatever public scrutiny she gets for it. Ava taking a leap of faith in assuming loving Deborah would be worth it and that she could live without her when the time comes. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be possible and her life would’ve still been better for it.

I would argue this would show incredible growth for Ava in light of all we’ve talked about previously. When Deborah dies, Ava will be able to take all the lessons she learned from her time with Deb and she’ll be emotionally strong enough and secure enough in herself to be able to process her grief. Of all possible endings for them, this is probably the most hopeful one.

It would be beautiful poetic symmetry if Deborah saves Ava from the fate of dying young and eventually Ava is able to outlive Deborah. Ava and Deborah are presented as each other’s last chance to make a choice at this point in their life. Revert back to old patterns and die? Or change and live? In Ava’s case, the choice is quite literal. In Deborah’s case, it’s more metaphorical. Ava saves Deborah from dying on the inside. Deborah saves Ava’s life.

After she’s gone, we can also know that Deborah’s legacy won’t be easily forgotten. Ava will likely make it her mission to make sure Deborah’s work is preserved. Ava will continue to tell Deborah’s story long after she’s gone.

Conclusion

All of this imagery about death and the possibility of Ava dying young by her own hand are incredibly scary.

But I would also say in terms of story, it’s fantastic. It adds many more layers to Ava’s character. It gives a more balanced story where Ava also has to overcome internal obstacles. Like Deborah, Ava has to face her inner pain to have her happy ending. It makes their love story more interesting when Ava is just as complex and just as broken as Deborah and they need each other.

It adds visceral stakes to Deborah and Ava’s love story. In other love stories, if the lovers don’t get together, it’s hard to argue this is a real tragedy. Only the most epic of love stories can convince us that it’s a more life and death scenario than that.

To show my nerdy romantic heart here, I think Ava and Deborah are potentially one of those epic love stories. I don’t think Ava and Deborah would be okay if they hadn’t met each other.

They are the best chance each other has to escape a potentially tragic fate.

These mirror characters, Frank and George, show us versions of Ava that could be. But they also show us another way, Dennis. And perhaps, not surprisingly, that’s the funeral Deborah shows up to furthering her own character arc as well. Ava’s potential to be more like her father is bound up now with her relationship with Deborah and with Deborah’s own journey as a character.

While Ava’s character wound still isn’t clear, it seems that Deborah holds the key. All signs point towards choosing to love Deborah as Ava ultimately choosing growth.

Deborah will help Ava choose life.

#hacks hbo #hbo hacks #hacks #hacks thoughts #ava and deb could be endgame #ava daniels #deborah vance #tw death #tw suicide #tw suicide ideation #tw drugs #long post #tw murder suicide

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praxeus-13 · 3 years

Note

Hello! So happy to see a new fic blog, especially one that has fics for the Master! May I request a fluffy Dhawan!Master x reader in which the reader is the doctor’s companion but doesn’t want to admit she’s in love with the Master? And you can choose the circumstances, but maybe the master “captures” and hypnotizes her in front of the fam and she accidentally reveals it? Thank you so much! I loved “warmth” a lot. 🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️♥️

Thank you so much! I absolutely loved this request as I was already planning on writing something along these lines. I couldn’t find a way to get the hypnotism to work but everything else is there so I hope you enjoy!

Well Kept Secrets

Pairing: Dhawan!Master x fem!Reader

Word Count: 2800

Summary: (what the ask says)

For: @agentmalfoy24601

Warnings: None

You really hadn’t meant to fall for The Master, but intention never seemed to stop anyone when it came to falling in love.

When you first met him, as O, you weren’t quite sure what to think. He was a bit strange, but still sweet - and while he wasn’t your type, you couldn’t deny that he was very attractive. However, there were a few moments when you would look at O and see someone else, and that person interested you. Looking back now, you knew that you had seen his persona slip, even if just for a second, and that had been what had drawn you to him.

When he had revealed himself on the plane it had only drawn you in more. Of course, you had been terrified in the life or death situation, but you had also felt a buzz of excitement and intrigue. If he hadn’t have left you to die on that plane, you know that there was a chance you would have gone with him.

Then The Doctor had sent him off to the Kasaarvin’s dimension and you had lost hope of ever seeing him again, only for him to show up two weeks later.

The Doctor had taken you all to some market planet, given you a credit stick and told you to go off and explore. Originally, you had been wandering around with Graham, but then you had gotten sidetracked and lost sight of him. You had also lost sight of anything else that you recognised so you had started to amble around in hopes of finding someone or something to help.

At first, you hadn’t even seen The Master, so focused on your surroundings that you almost walked right into him, and you barely understood what was happening when he grabbed your arm and dragged you down a quiet side alley.

When you had finally recognised who he was and what had happened, you had been to shocked to stutter out a full sentence. That had caused him to smirk and cockily ask if he was the only one who could leave you speechless, which only made you more flustered.

Once you had finally managed to compose yourself you asked how he was alive, a question that he had ignored in favour of pushing you up against the closest wall and kissing you. It took your brain a few seconds to catch up with the fact that he was actually kissing you before you started to kiss back. Then he had swiftly broken off the kiss and told you that he’d be seeing you, before walking out of the alleyway and back into the bustling streets.

By the time you had finally made it back to the rest of the group, you had managed to get your brain back to its normal working order. Though, when your friends asked you where you had been you told them you simply told them that you had gotten lost after spotting something interesting, resolving not to bring up The Master at all.

True to his promise, he had shown up again about a week after that, kissing you senseless yet again and leaving with little explanation.

After this happened a few times, always when you got separated from the group, you started to have proper conversations with each other. A first they were only about whatever trouble he had caused on the planet to distract The Doctor with, but soon you had started to talk to each other more and more about your lives. He wasn’t as stingy on details as The Doctor was, but you could tell he was still keeping quite a bit of information from you.

Then he started showing up at your apartment, which was a little bit concerning, but he always knocked rather than just bursting in like you knew The Doctor would, so you didn’t really mind. Soon enough your relationship had changed from just meeting up and making out for five minutes, to meeting up and talking for a few hours. Though it was slow, you felt yourself start to fall in love with this strange alien man.

Of course, this caused a lot of internal conflict, especially considering you were still travelling with The Doctor and the rest of the fam. You knew that they were your friends - practically a second family at this point - but you feared that if they ever found out about your relationship with The Master you would loose them. So you kept quiet and tried to pretend that you weren’t secretly dating the man who had tried to kill you all. Every time the two of you met up on one of your trips with The Doctor was both exhilarating and frightening, and while you loved seeing him all the time you were always worried that one of your friends would catch you with him.

When The Master invited you to travel with him instead of The Doctor several months into your relationship, you didn’t quite know what to say. You knew that you loved him, but you had never been able to say it aloud, and you weren’t even sure if he loved you back. As well, it wasn’t like you didn’t like travelling with The Doctor and the fam; it was brilliant, even if you did end up running for your life on most adventures, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to leave them just yet.

Unfortunately, you had taken too long to give The Master an answer, and he ended up storming off without stopping when you cried out his name, not caring to listen to any explanation you had to give.

That had been a month ago and you hadn’t heard a word from him since, which had only upset and worried you. Even if you weren’t ready to travel with him then, you had hoped that you could still be in a relationship with him. You knew that your friends had noticed your mood, and they had all tried to talk to you about it, but you reassured them that you were okay and didn’t say anything more.

————

Now you were on another adventure with your friends, using it again to distract yourself from debating whether you and The Master had broken up or whether he was going to randomly show up and pretend that nothing happened. The planet that you had landed on was overrun with nature, and the ruins of whatever civilisation had been there previously were barely noticeable.

Somehow The Doctor had managed to find a very large cathedral-like building that was still mostly in tact, which was what you were currently exploring.

Without any warning you were grabbed from behind and pulled into someone’s tight grip, causing you to yelp and try to struggle away. Then you noticed who exactly had a hold of you and you stopped struggling as much, making a conscious effort to not relax completely into the hold that you had gotten so used to after the last few month.

Your friends had turned around at the noises and their faces were now a mix of anger and concern, glaring at The Master.

“Let her go.” The Doctor told him, her tone indicating her worry.

“Well, I would, but I think (y/n) is quite comfortable in my arms Doctor.” He spat his response at her, tightening his grip further, but still making sure not to hurt you.

You were trying to resist looking up at him, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide the love that your expression would hold.

“No, you’re scaring her, now let her go and I might consider giving you whatever you’ve come here for.”

In your chest your heartbeat had started to pick up speed, you could see that The Master was trying to let onto your friends about your relationship, and you only hoped that he wouldn’t actually say anything.

“Hmm, seems I know your companion better than you.” At this comment you finally looked at him, hoping that he would see the look in your eyes and just walk away without saying anything.

He didn’t look down at you though, and just stayed glaring at The Doctor.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The Doctor was starting to sound irritated, but there was a hint of fear in her voice as well.

Still trying to stop him from revealing your relationship, you squeezed his hand and tried to get his attention. Unfortunately, he continued to ignore you, and you started to feel much more anxious.

The Master let out a hysteric sounding laugh at The Doctor’s question, and it wasn’t anything like the soft laugh you had grown used to. Though you hated to admit it, he was starting to scare you.

“You don’t even have a clue of what I’m talking about.”

Looking back at the four of them to gauge their reactions, you could see that Yaz and The Doctor were very close to piecing it all together, and Ryan and Graham wouldn’t be too far behind. Instinctively, you pressed further into The Master’s hold, trying to feel some semblance of comfort or safety. Obviously he knew what you were trying to do, he had gotten used to you snuggling close to him whenever you watched a scary movie or had a nightmare, and, either consciously or unconsciously, he started to stroke the back of your hand with his thumb.

“No…” The Doctor’s gasp could barely be heard, but it still caused your gaze to fall to the floor in shame.

You knew that you probably shouldn’t love him, but you did, and now you were going to face the consequences. All you hoped is that after loosing your friends, you wouldn’t loose The Master too.

“Yes.” The Master replied gleefully.

“You can’t- you must have hypnotised (y/n)! She wouldn’t willingly enter a relationship with you.”

“Well, clearly she would, because she did. I haven’t hypnotised her, or threatened her, or drugged her. (Y/n) is with me by choice.” The Master was very clearly pissed off at the implementation that he would do anything to injure you.

Honestly, you were slightly annoyed at it too, the only time he had ever come close to harming you had been on Barton’s plane, and you had gotten out of that alright in the end. You squeezed his hand for comfort again, and this time he squeezed back, calming you down slightly.

“Stop playing games and give (y/n) back.” The Doctor’s voice sounded almost dangerous now, and you were starting to worry for both your safety and The Master’s.

However, The Master seemed unfazed as he ignored her and continued to hold you, “You know it’s true, I can see it in your eyes, but if you’re still having trouble believing it then why don’t you just ask (y/n)?”

Of course he would put you on the spot, you had known him long enough to realise that this whole setup was coming from a place of vulnerability. He was worried that you were going to leave him, that you didn’t care for him anymore, and instead of talking to you about it he was lashing out. It was something that you had been trying to work on with him, but after your hesitation to answer his proposal of travelling with him, he had jumped to conclusions and this was the result.

The silence after he had told The Doctor to question was so deafening that you swore your frantic heartbeat was echoing around the abandoned building. You forced yourself to look up, to look at The Doctor in the eye, and it seemed to be the push she needed.

“(Y/n)?” She didn’t need to ask the question, it was already hanging in the air.

“I chose to be in a relationship with him, he didn’t force me into it.” And then, much quieter, you added on, “I love him.”

Part of you had hoped that no one would have heard what you said, but the room you were in had been dead silent. The Master’s grip on you relaxed in shock, holding you as though you were fragile enough that you could shatter like glass. You tilted your head towards him so you could see his reaction, still slightly worried that he wouldn’t reciprocate.

He seemed to be staring down at you with awe and love, and you couldn’t quite believe that he was looking at you like that.

“You love me?” He asked you, his voice impossibly soft.

You simply nodded in response, unable to form any words. The Master bought one of his hands up to cup your face lightly, as though he was still afraid of breaking you.

“I love you too.” He was almost whispering when he said it but a smile immediately formed on your face.

He leant in to kiss you and you kissed him back eagerly. Unfortunately the kiss was cut short by a not so subtle cough from the direction of your friends.

Still comfortably in The Master’s hold, you turned to face your friends again, feeling your face heating up as you blushed.

“Okay, am I the only one who’s really confused?” Ryan asked, looking around at the rest of your friends for confirmation.

He got a chorus of ‘no’s’ in response and if it wasn’t such a strange situation you might have laughed.

“Yeah, how come you’re in love with the guy who tried to kill us? Cause I feel like I’ve missed a lot.” Graham asked, as clueless as he usually was.

“I’m pretty sure that (y/n) has been secretly dating The Master.” Yaz piped up, and you were slightly glad that she had answered for you.

“Yeah that’s basically the gist of it.” You laughed awkwardly, yet again squeezing The Master’s hand for comfort.

They seemed to mull over this for a few minutes, before The Doctor finally spoke up again.

“(Y/n), are you sure that you want to be with him?” She asked you, and for once it was a question that you could answer easily.

“Yes, I am.” You smiled at her, and you knew that The Master was probably smiling at you.

“Then I suppose I can’t do anything to stop you from loving him.” Then she turned her focus to The Master, “but if you hurt her expect serious consequences!”

He rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t expect anything less, but I won’t hurt them.”

The Doctor and your other friends then proceeded to interrogate the two of you (though they were mainly focused on The Master) about your relationship. Even if it was slightly annoying, you appreciated their concern and protectiveness over you. During the ordeal The Master constantly acted as though he was extremely annoyed and offended at their interrogation, though you could tell that he was glad you had such good friends - even if one of them was his best enemy.

Eventually the six of you made it back to the two TARDISes, and you all paused outside. He hadn’t bought up the question of whether you would join him in his TARDIS since the first time, and you were still slightly worried that you had missed your opportunity.

Then he turned to you, still holding on of your hands even though you were no longer in his hold, “Want to travel with me?”

He asked with such hope in his expression that you felt your heart melt, even after you had rejected him the first time he was still holding out hope.

A wide grin formed on your face and you nodded, “I’d love to.”

He grinned back and pulled you in for another kiss, much to the disgust of your friends.

The next thirty minutes were spent packing up your possessions and moving them from The Doctor’s TARDIS to The Master’s. That was then followed by teary hugs as you said goodbye to your friends and made promises to call and meet up with them whenever you were all on Earth at the same time. The Doctor made sure that you knew to call her if anything ever went wrong, promising that she’d be there immediately.

Despite the grief that you felt leaving your friends and that chapter of your life behind, you were eager to start travelling with The Master and to see how your relationship would develop. The Doctor, Graham, Ryan and Yaz had definitely become a second family to you, but you knew that this wasn’t going to be the last time you saw any of them.

Holding The Master’s hand, you let him pull you into his TARDIS as you waved goodbye to your friends, before turning around and beaming at him. As soon as the door was shut he pushed you up against it and kissed you senseless - reminding you very much of your first kiss with him.

“Where to first, love?” The Master asked as he brushed a stray piece of hair away from your face.

“Anywhere, as long as it’s by your side.”

#the master x reader #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master

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hacked-by-jake · 3 years

Note

Hbj, first of all I hope you have a great day. The theories about Jake using the character, it's making me crack my head, I've always been suspicious of the fact that he has such a quick love interest in MC, I don't see the point in him trusting and liking lovingly so fast in someone he doesn't know, whenever things get tough, he loves to say sweet things to calm down.

I love Jake, but of all the questions he can ask a stranger he decides to ask if MC has a boyfriend? It's like he wants to make sure he can use this method and after episode 8 when we decided to tell how we felt about what happened with Richy, I found him so cold in his responses, trying to treat the situation as unimportant and that bad things happen and when he saw that he was not convinced, he started to say beautiful things, I found it strange that he thought about giving up his sister for a complete stranger, because that's what we are, we don't know Jake and neither does he know us.

Despite all the theories, I know that when I talk to Jake again I'm going to trust him completely, after all they are theories, but the signs are there.

(If Jake is manipulating MC I will cry for days)

Hey, dear Anon! <3

Thank you very much! I also hope that you have a nice day/evening/night. <3

Well, first of all, even though the topic hurts a little, just like with you, but I love talking about it.

And I apologize in advance that the answer has become so long. I didn't expect that myself. xD

I fully understand your thoughts about this, and I’m also afraid that Jake is just taking advantage of us. I try to be as neutral as possible, so as not to be completely biased.

Okay, so I can say for myself, and for many others, that we’re actually the same on that point with Jake. We also trust him incredibly fast although he is anything but trustworthy at the beginning.

You know, I think the relationship between MC and Jake is a little bit based on soul mates. That it’s not a coincidence that we get to know him and that we get along so quickly.

We write more with Jake than with the other characters with whom we can enter into a closer relationship. For example, Richy, even when you flirt with Richy, it goes very fast to the point where you can get closer to him.

I think in some ways this "everything goes fast" is also simply because of the way the game works. I mean, we can’t take so much time to get to know everybody.

We immediately talk to all the characters, and directly a lot. If it would take longer in the game, it would be strange firstly because of Hannah, because she would be kidnapped much longer, and secondly, there would be a lot of tension missing. At least I think so.

You know, I think he’s asking MC if we have a boyfriend, actually, is more of a sign that he’s really interested. I don’t consider Jake to be someone who gets closer to someone when the person is already in a relationship. I think he really wanted to know. Because if he did all this just to make us trust him, he might not care if MC is in a relationship or not.

As we can notice, Jake has a hard time getting social contacts, having a hard time with things like smalltalk, etc. he tells us (we can ask him that, but I think only in the premium version) that he is and always was alone. (I can’t remember his exact wording.) And later he tells us that Hannah and Lilly are the only family he has left.

I think MC has just been the first person to really care about him for a long time, asking him more private questions. Directly during our second conversation with him, we can talk to him about the desert island, and ask him, for example, which programs he uses to hack.

I think, as he says himself, we immediately had a good relationship with each other. And if he’s been alone for a long time, and then someone like MC comes and pays attention to his personality, and not just superficially, he enjoys it.

We have not been deterred by him and his performances, and have treated him as a normal person. Not, for example, like the government that sees him as a criminal, but we know he’s a hacker, but we don’t let that put us off.

In episode 8, when Lilly criticizes us for really trusting him, we can say that we had no choice. We had to trust him, to help Hannah.

And so it was for him with MC. He was just trying to save his sister who was kidnapped in front of him. And all of a sudden, our number comes from Hannah. He had as few options as we had. He’s just trying to find his sister, so he has to trust the person whose number seems to have something to do with it.

Moreover, we are all in a dark time. A kidnapper and murderer who kidnapped one person, murdered one person, and maybe even a second one, Richy.

Everything is always under stress and we are working hard to find and save Hannah. Stress, grief and worry. When two people like MC and Jake meet and have to work so closely together, then a little distraction is really good. Or being drawn closer to someone when you’re desperate.

And then he writes a pretty agitated message, I don’t know if you ever chose this option, I can recommend it to you.

I think we can see how Jake really is when we talk to him about that Hannah might have done something to herself.

Jake says, "But if you think she might have done something to herself, that’s out of the question."

We can then say it’s okay, and we’ll continue to talk to him. However, we can continue to talk about it and tell him, for example, that we should not exclude anything. He’s still stubborn, and we can tell him, "Why are you so stubborn?"

(well, unfortunately I can’t find the screenshot of this place and I can’t remember his exact wording)

However, he sounds so desperate and worried and it also sounds a bit like a reproach, so that he even apologizes afterwards and says that he did not want us to feel bad about him.

(Maybe there is someone here who has selected it and has a screenshot of it)

Yes, unfortunately Jake, in episode 8 when we talk about Richy, sounds and is very cold and emotionless. I think it’s just hard for him to understand how it felt. And "unfortunately" he is more focused on finding Hannah that is one of the only things that interest him.

I think Jake is also kind of blaming himself for not being able to help Hannah faster.

As we also know from episode 8, Hannah had sent him an email. However, this address was no longer active, and he only saw it when it was actually too late. He called her right away, but if he’d seen the message sooner, that might never have happened. Of course, it’s not his fault, but that’s how we humans are. And I think it’s the same with him.

If he feels guilty, I can understand that he wants to help so badly. He probably blames himself for breaking off contact with her at the time. That he didn’t dare tell his sister he is her brother.

Maybe then everything would have been different, and Hannah wouldn’t have ended up in this situation.

I think he was thinking of giving up on Hannah and running away with MC because it was stressful for him, too. He also suffers from the situation, but does not admit it to himself.

As he says himself, he tries to look at everything as objectively as possible, so he ignores what happened to Jessy and Richy. Because I think he’s also hiding his own feelings.

And in between, we can see him from the emotional side. Only rarely, but sometimes it happens.

And right now he realizes that for some time it would be easier to disappear with MC and turn your back on everything. Since the situation also burdens him, it is quite normal to think about choosing the easier way, which would also make him feel better.

But, as he also says, this would bring nothing. The responsibility would catch up with us and we would live forever with the guilt of just letting Hannah down.

And last but not least: the topic of manipulation.

And yes, that’s exactly what Jake is doing with us, manipulating us by using our feelings for him, and calming us down by telling us nice things.

Best we see this in episode 7. After his pursuers tried to hack us. Although he used this method before, manipulated us, but in episode 7 it is the most extreme to see.

However, I have to say that we are doing the same thing with him. We’re doing the same thing.

And best we see that, in episode 8.

When we tell him that the others want to see what we have for clues, etc., and the others want him to come into the group.

We know for a fact that Jake isn’t thrilled. But we get him to decide against it by saying, "I can’t do this without you."

And that’s actually also a point that shows me that Jake really likes us, he gives in and accepts the situation after we tell him that.

And that’s exactly what happens when we ask him to write the letter to Ted with Lilly, where we can tell him that we’d like him to be there. And from that moment, Jake says yes.

If he really didn’t want it, or he didn’t care that we told him we couldn’t do it without us, he wouldn’t give in.

He would just keep saying that he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t want to talk to us about it.

We wouldn’t even have time to contradict him, or just tell the others everything, since he could have erased any evidence from our phone.

He lets us manipulate him as much as he manipulate us.

And he writes when he joins the group chat that he wants to change his mind to tell the others everything, because of us.

And even the others realize that Jake likes us.

Lilly, for example, says (when we talk to her in episode 6) that he interrupted the vote, that his reaction wasn’t normal just because he cared about the subject. He’s very biased, not just because we’re important to him to save Hannah. It’s because we were treated unfairly by Lilly and the others.

Jessy says to Phil that there’s someone who likes us, but she doesn’t know if we’re reciprocating his feelings.

I don’t think I need to say anything about Dan, do I?

Jake and MC are not as inconspicuous together as the two think themselves.

I think I’ve addressed the most important things now, so I want to say an end conclusion: I really believe that Jake likes us and not just manipulates us. I really think he wants to get closer to us.

I’m not a psychologist or anything, of course, but I think Jake has some psychological problems that he might even know himself. Many things are difficult for him and I can often identify with him on this point.

His actions and manner are not always the right ways, sometimes he does not know how to behave and what is okay and what is not. We can see it with Jessy and Richy.

With us, he tries to show empathy and support us, which is why he wants us to rest a little afterwards.

Jake doesn’t seem to have had an easy life, and of course that leaves its mark. I don’t think he’s that cold sometimes because he means it badly.

I know we haven’t known him for long, but this whole situation is so special that it’s not surprising that MC and Jake get along so well and get closer.

Of course I can’t say exactly, maybe it’s really all just played by him, that we will only see at the end, but I don’t think that everything is fake.

And of course, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and theories with us. As you can see, I had a lot to say and really enjoyed answering that, and I hope I could help you a little bit.

So, I hope that I have not forgotten anything important now and that I have taken up everything I wanted to and can say. 😅

As I said, I don’t know everything myself, and this is just my opinion. I hope I’ve managed not to be so biased.

Take care of yourself and stay healthy, lovely Anon!💚🎭🌹

#duskwood anon ask #duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood Jake x mc #duskwood thoughts #duskwood theories #duskwood game #everbyte studio #everbyte game #everbyte duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood hacker #iamjake #hbj dw answers

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safertokiss · 4 years

Text

Lost in Translation

A/N: Heyyyyy guys...remember when I used to post like every two weeks? Yeesh that’s awkward...but I’m backkkkk woooooooo party time! I was so excited that my discord buddies organized another fic swap because it was so much fun the first time. This time around I was chosen to write a doozy for the wonderful @writing-in-april and I have decided to bless you all with a beautiful subby boy. Sub Spencer lives in my head rent free, no cap. So sit back, relax and pretend it's you getting fricken railed. Peace out girl scouts;)

Pairing: SPENCER x READER

Category: SMUT hehe oh yeah and fluff

Word Count: 4.8k

ENJOY:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

For as long as she could remember, Y/n had always wanted to learn Russian.

So, naturally, when she found out that their newest case involved two lovers who also happened to be Russian criminals trying to escape the United States government, she simply couldn’t help but jump at the opportunity to become more involved in the investigation.

It’s not that she’d never been on a stakeout for the Bureau before, in fact she’d probably been on so many at this point that she’d lost count. The only difference that this specific stakeout brought to her life was the fact that it was her first one to have ever been shared with Spencer Reid.

Her and the young doctor had lived in the same apartment building since her first day at the BAU, but their relationship pretty much began and ended at that. Of course they greeted each other whenever they passed in the halls of their building and ricocheted off of each other’s theories whenever necessary during their meetings in the round table room, but it would be a lie to label their relationship as anything other than casual acquaintances as well as amicable coworkers.

She had never been able to fully get a grasp on the elusive Dr. Reid. The fact that he was already such an integral member of the F.B.I. at the ripe age of 25 astounded and, well to be honest, perplexed her. Not that she doubted his abilities or intelligence in any way, quite the opposite really. She admired how utterly brilliant he proved to be day in and day out, even with the shy exterior he presented himself with to the world. Well, shy was definitely more of an understatement.

She had never met someone more socially awkward in her entire life, but with that being said, she couldn’t help but find it endearing and pretty dang adorable. Y/n constantly found herself enjoying his pathetic attempts at human interaction on a daily basis. From the nervous stutters to the out of this world hand gestures, there was much for her to dissect about the young doctor. And while she could openly admit that he was quite easy on the eyes, in a boyish-innocent kind of way, she had never really been able to see him in that sort of light.

If she thought his normal social interaction skills were entertaining to witness, his reactions to any of the conversations that took a more raunchy turn were to die for. The speed at which his features would ripen red like a tomato whenever anything of a sexual nature was brought up during cases was truly amazing, impressive even. However, unlike the rest of their team, she knew he wasn’t completely innocent. The walls in their apartment were as good as paper when it came to thickness, so it wasn’t that big surprise that the sounds created within them carried fairly well.

Or at least that was what she had discovered after the first night she heard him touching himself just through her bedroom wall.

Yes, it was less than ideal that their bedroom walls just happened to be adjacent to each other, but what could she do about it? It wasn’t as though she never sought out her own pleasure while alone in her apartment...although she would bet money that she was much better at withholding her noises. Instead, she learned to adapt to the sounds from next door and continue on with her life, having accepted that guys will in fact be dudes, no matter how innocent and meek they may appear.

When her boss had explained the nature of the assignment to them, there wasn’t anything of significance that had jumped out at her. It was all pretty standard instruction. They would wait, parked, in a government issued SUV overnight at a location close to the whereabouts of the criminals and simply translate their conversations using the mics that were planted prior. While Hotch knew that Y/n herself couldn’t understand Russian, it was common knowledge that the resident genius easily could transcribe the language.

And that was how she found herself cramped next to Spencer Reid in the stagnant vehicle, pen and paper in hand, patiently waiting for the translations to begin.

It was almost completely silent inside the car, apart from the quiet whirring of the heat coming through the vents, and she could basically feel the nerves coming off of the man next to her in waves. That’s why she was completely thrown off her game when his timid voice was the first to break through the silence that had encompassed the space they inhabited together.

“So um Y/n..h-how have you been recently?”

She did her best to hide the small smirk that started to form on her face from the stuttering mess that spilled out of his mouth. She definitely didn’t want to make him feel even worse about himself so she decided to humour his adorable attempt at conversation with her...well...sort of.

“Oh ya know Reid, just counting the days until I get some action. How about you?” If she thought he was sputtering nervously before, that was nothing compared to this treasure.

“Oh um well uh I-I mean...I don-I don’t...uh...w-what was the question a-again?”

This time she couldn’t stop the airy chuckle that escaped her lips as she leaned over and patted him gently on his thigh.

“Relax Reid, I’m just fucking around with you. Well for the most part...I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to some action, but that’s a whole can of worms I am not about to open during a stakeout”, Y/n laughed, not at all missing the steadily spreading blush that coated his sharp features.

“Yeah...no..yeah right of course...I t-totally knew you were just um fu-messing with me! Uh we should probably um r-review our assignment...you know just so we’re all s-set before we start.” How adorable.

“Aye-aye captain Reid. Ok so..”, she muttered while fiddling with the listening device to secure the right frequency. “...we just have to wait until they get back so we’re in range of their conversations. That’s when you’ll have your time to shine and prove yourself as the resident genius once again. And I’m sure that you’re aware that I don’t know a lick of the Russian language so I will be the best damn transcriber for you that the world has ever seen”, she finished with a smirk.

Even Reid chuckled a bit at her words, the ever-present blush slowly creeping back upon his face and neck.

“I’ll uh-I’ll hold you to that then.” Y/n had to admit she particularly liked to see the boy smiling, especially when it was the result of her own words. His innocence seemed to call out to her like a siren and she didn’t know how to feel about it.

“Oh-oh there they are! Ok get the pen and paper ready because as soon as they’re in range I’ll start translating.”

Getting themselves situated, they waited the few seconds it took for the couple to get close enough to the vicinity of the SUV for their conversations to begin to be broadcasted through their system.

“Как вы думаете, они идут по нашему следу?”

“Do you think they’re on our trail?”, Spencer easily understands, leaning slightly closer to her so his words were clearly heard.

“Ни за что. У этих глупых американцев нет шансов поймать нас.”

“No way. Those stupid Americans don’t stand a chance at catching us.”

At this point, the couple had already disappeared behind the door at the entrance of their current base, leaving only their words to give the closely listening agents much needed context clues.

“Я когда-нибудь говорил тебе, как сильно мне нравится твоя уверенность?”

“Have I ever told you how much I love your confidence?”

Even Spencer let himself smile at the chuckle that left Y/n’s lips. “Awww how cute...they’re flirting with each other over mass murder. I strive for that kind of intimacy.”

“Да у тебя есть. Но почему бы тебе не показать мне, насколько тебе это нравится.”

“Yes, you have. But why don’t you show me just how much you love it.”

Uh oh, Y/n thought to herself. Not a second after the untimely thought permeated her brain, the sounds of wet lips sloppily colliding against each other filled the otherwise silent vehicle. After the few seconds of shock wore off, their heads whipped to face each other, eyes wide and mouths wide open. “Huh...well this was certainly an unexpected turn.”

“I uh um-uh well w-what do we do now?”, Tomato Boy nervously sputtered out over the chorus of moans and groans that were currently bouncing off the SUV’s walls. As unexpected as the present situation was, she was absolutely eating up his reaction to the crude sounds.

“Well, Hotch did say he wanted us to take down every single word that was shared between them so...I guess we’re just gonna have to keep moving forward with the translations. You can do that, can’t you Reid?”, she explained, not even attempting to hide the growing smirk on her face.

“Yeah! Yes! Mhmm I can do that, I c-can definitely do t-that.”, he gushed, trying to subtly clear his throat to clear the steadily growing tension in his body.

“Good to hear, Doc.”, she cheekily replied just as the raunchy sounds echoing through the system transitioned to different methods of communication, more legible ones.

“Ты была для меня такой хорошей девочкой. Я думаю, ты заслуживаешь награды.”

Quickly clearing his throat once more, he jumped back into action, with what Y/n noticed was considerably less confidence than before. “You’ve b-been such a good g-girl for me. I think you deserve a r-reward.” Spencer’s voice had noticeably dropped to a whisper by the end of the sentence, forcing Y/n to lean closer to be able to hear his translations, only magnifying the already present tension in the air.

“Пожалуйста, папа, я сделаю что угодно.”

“P-please daddy.” His voice broke at the end igniting something deep inside Y/n’s being. “I’ll do anything.” In that moment she truly believed he would do anything, his own words or not, based on the obvious strain in his pants that her eyes glanced over, and also by the way his skin completely succumbed to goosebumps as her warm breath caressed the shell of his ear. She didn’t really know what the hell was happening, why her body was absolutely loving the way he gradually leaned into her’s, submitting all of his vulnerabilities into her hands.

“Тебе это нравится, не так ли, маленькая шлюшка. Как член папы глубоко внутри тебя?”

She watched the way he inhaled a deep breath and released a high-pitched sigh before continuing on, subtly pressing her legs together to control the excitement thrumming through her body at his pathetic tone and mannerisms.

“You like t-that don’t you, you little-uh-you little s-slut?” From their close proximity, she could clearly make out the speedy heartbeat clambering against his chest as he spoke. And if that was the case, he must’ve been able to feel hers as well. “Like daddy’s c-cock deep inside of y-you?” She could’ve sworn she saw his dick twitch slightly in his pants.

“Маленькая шлюшка уже придет за мной? Тогда умоляйте об этом. Бля, умоляю позволить тебе кончить.”

Y/n certainly did not miss the airy sigh that escaped his lips, watching as a bead of sweat dripped down his temple, confidently guessing it was not from the heat that had been coming through the vents.

“Is the little-little s-slut gonna come for me already? B-beg for it then. Fucking beg f-for me to let you c-come.” Spencer was speedily falling apart at the seams and she was loving it. More than loving it. She was craving it. Craving the little noises that he was trying to stop from escaping his lips. Craving the way he slightly bounced his leg in an attempt to control his arousal, which was futile because it had obviously already reached its full potential in the confines of his khaki slacks.

“Пожалуйста, папа. Пожалуйста, позволь мне прийти. Мне это надо. Пожалуйста.”

Without even hearing the words translated back to her, she could hear the utter desperation in the girl’s voice. She no longer needed to understand the Russian language to be able to finish the translation, and as she sat there with her thighs tightly pressed together, she knew exactly what it meant.

“Please!” The utter need that was present in the original audio was somehow mirrored perfectly by the young doctor’s breathy voice, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, a prominent vein popping through the skin of his smooth forehead. “Please, p-please, please let me come. I n-need it. Please!”

“Приди за мной, детка.”

Deciding that she could regret her actions in the morning, Y/n quickly grabbed his face before he could translate, angling his head so she could whisper directly into his ear at the same time he spoke the last line of the night.

“Come for me baby.”, they both spoke at the exact same time.

Pulling away as fast as possible, she watched his clamped eyes shoot open as the most obnoxiously loud moan she had ever heard escaped the poor kid, his whole body spasming as a result. And using the large stain on the crotch of his pants as a guide, she was pretty certain she knew what had happened.

For the next few minutes there was silence in the SUV, apart from Spencer’s heavy breathing as he came down of course, leading them to believe the couple had fallen asleep after their...activities. Of course she wanted nothing more than to tease the trembling mess next to her, but she could already tell he was mortified beyond belief because of what happened so she didn’t want to make it any worse for him than it already was.

After waiting a few extra minutes just to make sure that they had actually gone to sleep, the pair drove away from the stakeout location, Spencer not having said a word since his...big finish. As much as she loved watching him fall apart in front of her, she really didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable around her.

“Well that was certainly an unexpected turn of events for the night, huh?”, she said, lightly chuckling with the intent of lightening his mood. She was very glad to see it had the intended effect.

“Uh y-yeah...you could definitely say that again.”, he mumbled with the ghost of a smile on his plump lips, though she could still clearly make out the blush coating his features.

“So hey, I know that you usually take the metro, but I’d be more than happy to give you a ride home after we drop the SUV off at the office if you want.”, she warmly smiled in his direction without taking her eyes completely off the road.

“Oh um..yeah that would be perfect. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it Reid.”

~~~

The rest of the ride back to the office was pretty much spent in silence, but it was much more comfortable than it had been before, which was a huge relief. After dropping the keys to the SUV in the lock box inside, the two agents piled into Y/n’s car to go back home to their shared building. On their way back she considered just asking him if he wanted to ride with her everyday just to make his life a little easier in the long run.

Once they got to the parking lot and exited the vehicle, they began walking towards the entrance together, the awkward tension from before creeping back into the air around them. Soon enough, they found themselves standing in front of their respective doors, both unsure of how they were supposed to end the night’s interactions. After a few moments of painful silence and eye contact, Y/n was the first one to rip off the band-aid.

“So...I guess I’ll see you tomorrow Reid?” He seemed to be broken out of his trance by the sound of her voice, snapping back to attention.

“Huh? Oh yeah uh yes of course. S-see you tomorrow Y/n. Goodnight.” He scampered into his apartment before she could even get a chance to respond to his bidding.

“Goodnight.”, she whispered to no one other than herself as she unlocked her door and headed inside to shower quickly before diving into her soft sheets.

She was sitting up in her bed, book in hand, with only the small glow of her reading lamp illuminating her room when she heard it. Of course she knew immediately what they were, a talent that had developed and strengthened from living adjacent to a pretty much pubescent boy.

The tell-tale sound of moans and groans vibrating right through her wall.

She knew she probably shouldn’t be listening, something about a violation of privacy or whatever, but she just couldn’t help it. He sounded so desperate it was driving her insane. So much in fact that she was in the process of skimming her own hand downwards when she was interrupted by a certain something from the Doc’s room.

“Y/n! Oh god, please. Please.”

Oh. Oh.

Not even giving herself a second to consider her actions, she was up on her feet basically sprinting to his door, pajamas and all. Not even bothering with knocking, she noticed it was unlocked and let herself in, beelining for what she assumed was his bedroom by the increasing volume as she approached it. Standing in his doorframe, she was utterly mesmerized. There he was, sprawled across his sheets, completely bare with sweat coating his hair as he rapidly pumped his angry, red cock, her name tumbling from his lips like a chant.

“You’re so beautiful like this.” She smirked as she watched his head shoot up to where she was standing, his hand immediately stilling it’s rapid movements. Watching the panic spread on his face was intoxicating to her as she slowly approached his bed.

“Y/n! Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I uh-I didn’t um...” His words trailed off and his eyes widened as he watched her slowly begin removing her clothes as she moved closer to him.

“Shhhhhh.” She managed to remove both her shirt and pajama pants in the short trip over to his bed and she had no intention of stopping there. Now standing directly in front of him, she let her eyes wander over his still frame completely, soaking in the amazement in his dark eyes and the slight tremble that was periodically rippling through his body. Maintaining eye contact with him the whole time, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, letting it pool on the floor next to her.

It was honestly shocking his eyes didn’t actually fall onto the floor with how far they bulged out of their sockets, a small moan leaving his mouth.

She giggled at his enthusiasm before bringing her soft hands up to caress his face gently, his body shuddering at the contact. “Do you want me to keep going baby boy?” Taking a second to process the question that had left her lips, he slowly nodded while looking her in the eyes, his own full of awe.

Happy with his answer, she reached for the edge of her panties before pushing them down to join the other pieces of clothing already inhabiting his floor. Spencer couldn’t speak. He could barely even breathe. Five minutes ago he had been jerking off to his neighbor, who also happened to be his coworker, and now said neighbor was crawling onto his bed, completely naked, with a wicked smirk on her face.

Straddling his lap, but making sure that there was no actual contact, she reached up to cup his face again, slowly rubbing circles into his defined cheekbone. “Is this ok baby boy? Is this what you want?”, she cooed.

Spencer looked like he honestly might cry from the pure compassion laced within her words, but still found a way to nervously nod his head in affirmation of her questions. With a warm smile on her face, she leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss on his lower jaw before continuing up the side of his face, basking in the small whimpers that fell from his pretty lips. Finally reaching his ear, she let her warm breath tease him before proceeding.

“Do you want me to take control of you? Is that what you want sweet boy?” While the whine that immediately escaped him was answer enough, she pulled back searching for a more concrete answer to her question. “Hmmmm, you’d like that?”

“Yes.”, he whispered, nodding his head anxiously.

While he was answering she had leaned back towards his face, placing soft kisses all over. “As you wish baby boy.”, she whispered, changing course to attack his neck with her eager lips as soon the words left her mouth. Spencer gasped instantly and she couldn’t help but smirk against his pale flesh, increasing the pressure in which she was assaulting his neck.

Through the groans that spilled past his lips, she was able to make out his pathetic attempt at words, not slowing down her lips at all. “J-just make sure not to leave any m-marks. We’ll g-get in trouble at w-work.” Of course Spencer would be the only person on the planet to remember their office guidelines while getting his neck sucked like a vampire.

“No marks...that’ll be difficult. I want everyone to know just how thoroughly I fucked you.”

Feeling extremely satisfied by his enthusiastic response to her vulgar words, she slowly lowered herself down his body, pausing with her mouth right above his groin. Somehow the poor kid already looked completely fucked out and she hadn’t even done anything yet. Hearing him wince as she gently grasped and started stroking his cock, she knew this was gonna be fun.

Staring directly into her eyes, he watched the string of spit leave her mouth and drip directly onto his dick, eyes bulging at her bold actions, still in shock that any of this was actually happening.

Entranced by the way his chest expanded rapidly as he watched her curiously, she leaned forward and licked the tip, his head falling back onto the pillow behind him. “I’m gonna suck your cock...but only because I want to see if you can not be a spaz about getting head from me.” Her words made Spencer whimper and she smirked as she took him fully into her mouth, soaking in his pretty noises.

Y/n had only been going for a minute or two when she heard his groans get louder and felt him twitch in her mouth. Pulling off of him with a pop, she hummed at the sight of the completely wrecked boy in front of her, panting and shaking adorably. It wasn’t long before the perfect idea infiltrated her head, her body thrumming with anticipation and excitement.

“You’ve been such a good boy for me. I think you deserve a reward.”, she smirked, reciting the words that they had heard verbatim. Seemingly catching on to what she was pushing for, he responded accordingly.

“Please Y/n. I’ll do anything.”

She quirked her eyebrow in his direction questioningly, slowly grinding her dripping core against his achingly hard cock. “Anything, baby boy?”

Snapping his heated stare directly to her eyes, he cracked a beautiful smile. “Anything.”

She couldn’t control the grin that overtook her lips as she lowered herself down onto his erection, writhing in pleasure at the feel of him inside of her and the sound of his wanton moans. “Good boy.”

Wanting to give Spencer time to fully adjust and control himself, she started her movements out slow, lifting herself up until only his tip remained inside before dropping down completely into his lap repeatedly. He was a moaning mess on the sheets below her, sweat coating his body along with goosebumps covering every visible expanse of his skin as he panted like a dog. He was so fucking pretty like this.

Deciding enough was enough, she picked up the pace considerably, bouncing like a mad woman on his dick, while her sharp nails scratched down his creamy, pale chest in front of her, leaving angry, red streaks in their wake. Spencer had devolved into a blubbering mess underneath her and that lit her soul on fire.

“You like that don’t you, you little slut? Like your cock deep inside of me? Huh?”

Y/n was pretty sure that he was short circuiting below her, his brain cutting off all control over his body as he spasmed uncontrollably and moaned for the entire fucking building to hear. Good, she thought. Let them hear how whipped he was for her. Even though it had only been a few minutes since she increased her speed, she could feel his cock starting to twitch violently inside of her and she knew he was close, really close.

“Is the little slut gonna come for me already?” All he could do was whimper in response, having to nod his head emphatically due to his loss of speech.

“Beg for it then. Fucking beg for me to let you come!” She was on fucking cloud nine right now, floating through the motions, as his whimpers increased in volume and speed. Mustering up all the strength he could, he spit out as many audible words as possible.

“Please! Please, please, please let me come! I need it! Please!” He was crying now, tears rapidly pouring from his eyes and spilling down his cheeks out of sheer desperation and need to release the tension built up within his body.

She was in awe of him. As she watched the tears pour down his face, she couldn’t help but whimper too. Desperately needing to finish, herself, she brought one hand down to make circles around her clit, while the other she brought up to wrap gently around his flushed throat, leaning over to whisper in his ear like she had earlier that night.

“Come for me, baby.”

She once again pulled back to witness his reactions to her hushed words, the outcome only more amazing than before. She watched as his eyes rolled back as far they could possibly go into his head as his mouth dropped open in pure ecstasy, high-pitched whines escaping his lips, his release shooting up into her like it had always belonged there. Maybe it had.

Watching him come undone below her, combined with her hand speedily rubbing circles on her clit, she was catapulted into the most amazing climax of her entire life, her body buzzing with excitement as she tightened around him and collapsed on his chest, weak as could be after that activity.

The pair laid silently, apart from the heaving breaths whirring through the room, still in shock over what had just transpired minutes before. Slowly shifting her eyes to the shivering boy below her, she saw he was caught in a trance, his eyes dazed, a soft grin on his lips.

Breaking him from his stupor, she gently cupped his cheek with one hand as the other drew lazy circles on his blotchy chest. Rubbing the skin on his face lightly, she leaned forward and kissed his nose, making him scrunch it up and giggle as a result. “Such a sweet boy for me. Such a sweet, sweet boy.” Her words made him melt inside and words tumbled out of his own mouth before he could even think about stopping them.

“Вы красивы внутри и снаружи.”

She looked up at him in shock, before breaking out in giggles. “Did you just serenade me in Russian? How romantic.”, she giggled, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

He couldn’t seem to control his giggles either, a fact that warmed her heart. “Yes, I suppose I did.”

Smiling up at the adorable boy she just had to ask. “What does it mean?”

Y/n watched as his signature blush quickly coated his features once again as he looked down at her with a shy smile. “You are beautiful, inside and out.”

With the warmest grin she could muster, she leaned up and kissed his jaw once more before snuggling up against the young doctor who had melted her heart.

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