#i spent most of my life being a hermit and only really got out of my shell the past... couple of years? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

remderance · 1 year

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so...few days ago I've created a hermitcraft mermaid au. and here ya go, some of my thoughts about it and also my drawings.

first of all, cub, grian, zedaph, tango, joehills, xisuma and impulse are humans, when scar, doc, pearl, skizz, cleo are mermaids(I didn't think of other hermits yet)

here's also a bit of lore happening, so let's talk little bit about every hermit.

•xisuma

- he is an owner of this whole circus oceanarium and ocean research center.

- he is a strange guy, once he even stole a bone from rendog to chew on! but nonetheless, he is a hard working man and he does all the managing work better than anyone else possibly could

•scar

- cub and grian were the first to find alive mermaid, which happened to be scar. scar, as the most kind and innocent soul, of course, most of the time spent saving sea creatures from fishing nets, plastic junk and etc, though got a lot of injuries himself. he had been in an accident just before he was caught, so he didn't have a chance to escape due to movement issues, because his tail and fins were badly injured

- scar is an orca! but he won't eat you, don't worry. he might try, though

- most of the time there is only one scientist watching him, and it is cub. even though at first cub was too serious about his job, depicting scar more like an object other than a living creature with thoughts and feelings, it was gone in a little while when two of them had a chance to actually know each other more. you could say, scar softened cub's heart

- he is a silly boy, trying to escape his aquarium probably every day at first, thinking of place as a prison. none of his attempts were successful, to be honest, but he never stopped trying

- also, once he even got in a physical fight with grian, being mad that he was in the team who catched him. who won? for some reason it was grian, who is smaller twice in size and not so good underwater

- grian got in trouble many times because of his experiments and especially testing human food on scar. once he had serious food poisoning because of it, and cub never let grian be alone near scar's aquarium again

- scar once asked for human meat and got a "cubfan live reaction". canniballism is pretty common between mermaids, so he was expecting the same from humans

•doc

- doc is a giant moray eel.

- you could say he is the most intelligent and smart fish you've seen! not just by mermaid standards, but by human too. before the oceanarium he was living in an old warship, where he found a room with books that were not touched by water. that's where from he knows chemistry, physics, engineering and other, that's also where he learned english better, as he is originally from german waters(scientists where really impressed that mermaid could have an accent).

- but this ship happened to be in a military zone, where people one time were testing a bomb and underwater explosion happened. doc nearly made it out alive, though got almost incompatible with life injuries. he couldn't be healed by wrapping wounds with seaweed, so he decided to go to humans to the research center by himself, making a deal: he agreed to be studied for science purposes but got a proper treatment for his injuries in return.

- by that point, he was second one to be "caught"

- he is really smart and he will not be missing an opportunity to squeeze out everything from people working there. he got the best aquarium with the best accessories, rocks, corals and filters. it took almost over a year to figure all of this out and a lot of pressure on workers, but doc is not feeling guilty

- he really likes to eat tomatoes

- he also really likes to get out of his tank and go on an adventure to other mermaids. scar is living nearest to him, so you could often see these two hang out

- he created the word "scitties" and scar likes to use it (especially in situations when he is suggested to wear clothes. he says his scitties are too precious to hide them)

- after some time doc became the first mermaid scientist. his high intelligence just couldn't be ignored

- doc helped to create prosthetic fins and tail for scar

- eventually there was created a special gadget just for doc, so he could easily speak with other scientists even being under the water

- scientist connected to him is grian. they are in good terms and grian totally acknowledges his cleverness. gridoc nation rise up

•ren

- oh sweet, sweet rendog! you just couldn't guess what he is. he is... a dog, simple as that. but a smart one!

- although, he doesn't like meat. he is a vegetarian dog!

- his duty mostly is to deliver food to mermaids. he doesn't like to deliver food to scar as it's mostly chocolate chip cookies and lots of raw meat, and he totally adores to visit doc because of his love for tomatoes

- doc likes to escape, and ren likes doc, so he always goes after him with a mop in his teeth to hide water paddles he is creating

- ren is well-trained and all of the staff knows him, so he has access to almost every room in both oceanarium and research center

- he likes to sleep near doc's aquarium. sometimes doc goes out of water at night, waits for his hand to dry and gently pets him

- oh. and ren also has a very specific addiction. this little fur boy always steals people's sunglasses. why does he do that? why does a dog even need sunglasses? nobody knows. but that is such a common thing, that nobody even cares anymore. yep, there's a dog running around in sunglasses, what is wrong with that?

•here's the fun part. beloved zits!!!

- impulse is the only one true ocean scientist in their group

- zedaph lived most of his life on a farm and knows pretty much everything about farm animals. he is a crazy zoologist and has basically zero idea how to deal with fish

"that's a weird looking chicken", - he says, looking at any mermaid

- tango is an engineer and a drummer in his own band. he slays and also he has a lot of tattoos

- although tango's band isn't zit band, they were playing together in college! they all had their rock phase, zedaph even has scars from piercings made in that time

- the star of our show... skizzleman!! skizz for short, he is a manta ray, and he is going mental. he screams, he bites, he fights, he likes to bother others and especially impulse

- skizz made impulse fall in his tank for countless amount of times

- skizz and impulse often fight, verbally and physically, but also for some reason their bond is very strong. they like each other, just in a different way, but their way to this was very hard

- and yep, he is the reason why all of the zit are here. he's just too strong and uncontrollable for one human to handle, so impulse had to get his friends

- skizz is very clumsy and can't exist out of water due to being a manta ray, so trying to escape he makes just one step and then is found right outside the aquarium angry and waiting for someone to come and put him back

•pearl and gem

- pearl is a blue-ringed octopus!

- she spent a lot of time near the shore at the port and most of the time was listening to people, trying to guess meaning of unknown words and adoring strange human stories. it happened in australia, that is the place where she got an accent. it is an exceptional case too, but unlike doc, this accent is not natural, but a learned one

- pearl's only and favourite piece of clothing is a hoodie with oceanarium logo

- as a natural enemy, doc fears to go near pearl. when he is asking her if she's safe, she never gets him a clear answer

- gem is doing mermaid shows! yes, she is not a real one, she just has her costume and adorable coral horns

- oceanarium got gem a tank to exercise and to rehearse her shows. it appeared that pearl was basically living alongside. they liked each other at first sight, but for months weren't able to communicate well, it was only through body language

- pearl sees gem as a goddess for her elegant, exquisite and beautiful movements. no real mermaid moves like that, so that's just something so exotic and unreal in pearl's eyes, it makes her stare without blinking every time

- once impulse was in charge of caring for pearl and he saw what happened between two. he got a permission for gem to visit pearl's aquarium, and that was the first time they got to really know each other. it was the happiest day!!!

- gem is the only one who can calm down skizz and make him feel fear. nobody understands how, but sometimes impulse asks her when skizz is getting unbearable

- impulse, gem and pearl are often seen hanging out together. they created a trio called "soup group". the name was created because of pearl's unexplainable love for soups of any kind

• cleo and joe

- cleo is a sea snake

- she has fish hooks and spear parts in her on places where in canon she usually would get stitches

- she is basically a nature miracle, because she is a zombie, literally dead creature, but for some reason she keeps on going

- half of her organs are not working properly or are not working at all

- because of doc and cleo scientists guess that mermaids are far stronger and tougher than people, as they tend tο survive even in the most dangerous and unreal situations

- also doc and cleo are extremely big

- not to mention these two are really fond of each other. their tanks are located far away, but doc sometimes gets to cleo and they have the best time in the whole world

- joe is an ocean geek who once won an excursion behind the scenes of oceanarium and research center. that's where he met cleo, and for some reason she caught his eye

- he was very persistent and got a permission to sometimes meet cleo under supervision. it was said, that it is good for experience in interspecies communication, so scientists didn't mind

- though, he didn't do anything inappropriate. he was basically just finding a friend in a strange zombie mermaid! he showed her his favourite shows, comic books, was teaching cleo how to read, they were drawing and scrapbooking with her. just a couple of ocean besties!

- although joe cooks and brings mostly exotic or strange foods, cleo likes it a lot

- cleo likes to scare people and mermaids, but when she tried to scare joe she saw only pure excitement in his eyes

•honorable mention, mumbo, who is a plumber and engineer. everyone keeps calling him mario. he even got a big m on his head!

also: it is canon that all of the mermaids are kind of buffed

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft mermaid au #cubfan #gtwscar #grian #docm77 #rendog #zombie cleo #joe hills #tango #zedaph #impulse #skizzleman #xisuma #geminitay #pearlscentmoon #mumbo jumbo #my art ꮚꆤꈊꆤꮚ

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swampgallows · 1 year

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okay as painful as it is to feel stupid and vulnerable im just gonna post

i really want dragonstomp to happen. ive poured dozens of hours into trying to make it happen already, between fireworks and making the flyer and trying to figure out my set and listening literally hundreds of records trying to find new tracks to play and i feel like it's all for naught. there is no worse imaginable feeling in the world to me than throwing a party and having nobody come. it's the ultimate coalescence of being ghosted/abandoned/ignored, failing at something, and being disliked. like you put all this work into something where the objective is just for people to have fun, and they would rather do something else than have fun with you. throwing a party and having it suck is one thing, but having nobody come at all is its own self-contained punishment.

i used to be a very vibrant part of two different communities and now i feel utterly abandoned by both. it's like im "trying to make fetch happen" and everyone is just humoring me. it's been like pulling teeth to get djs because they've all gone back to irl events, which i can't attend because im miss chicken little glass bones and paper skin worwied about a widdle viwus that everyone else "lives with". so here i am alone in my shitty little cloister bedroom trying to at least simulate having fun in a virtual world, which feels beyond pathetic, ESPECIALLY because said virtual world feels vacant of all the people who previously were so passionate about it. dragonflight has been a great expansion but after the legitimate trauma of the last few years it feels like lukewarm water on a burn; the most anyone can feel about it is "lukewarm" because the wounds are so fresh. people are still reeling over sylvanas, afrasiabi, mccree, and blitzchung even still. i feel like it should be a time to celebrate, but so many people have just ditched it for good and moved on. or ive been mean to them or they've been mean to me or they've been mean and shitty and negative in general so ive become splintered off from a ton of people. i don't blame them for not wanting to deal with me but im reaping what ive sown i guess. i don't even want to do the party for me, it's not like it's my birthday, i just want to have an rp event that i actually want to attend. something that isn't "let's pretend to get drunk and then erp in whispers" for 5 hours. since the lore is so fucked anyway i can't imagine an rp rave is that much far off from anything else in game. yeah it's no bonfire bash, but im doing it all myself so this is as good as i can do.

then im at my tables trying to practice, thinking about how ive spent thousands on djing over the years only to have all these records i fucking suck at playing. i didn't even get speakers until like a year ago so ive been djing with a handicap this whole time because i didnt have monitors. and now that i have them, i can't even use them because im such a loser that i still live with my parents, one of which literally doesn't leave the house, so i don't have any time to play from my speakers. everyone in this house gets to use their instrument except me. so i simply don't use it. as a result, i suck at djing. i COULD just spin for the entire night to make up for the 3-4 DJ slots im missing, but that feels completely pathetic too.

on top of everything im really struggling to draw for the flyer because i don't draw anymore (for a lot of the same reasons) and thinking about just what a waste my life is. i got a degree in this shit and i can't even do it right.

im reminded of my therapist agreeing that ive outgrown all this stuff is the main thing; either ive diverged from it or it's gone somewhere i can't follow. all of that is morally neutral. the problem i guess is that i have nothing to move on to, no bigger shell to grow into, so im hermiting in the ones that are cracked and splintered and no longer fit. and when i leave them im adrift, middle of the sea, nothing but darkness in any direction, completely exposed. and i have been drifting a long, long, long time. still there is darkness. still there is no direction.

i didn't want to post anything about this because i know it's shooting myself in the foot and looks like pandering and now itll taint the spirit of the event. but at the same time it already feels tainted, like im struggling to get anybody to care and people only do because they feel bad for me, not because they're actually excited. every single thing i do it feels like im forcing people to come with me or that they just ambivalently tag along. it's like nobody is ever excited about the same things i am. i dont know how to get excited about what everyone else likes. i don't know if it's all in my head or what. all i ever am is in my head because i spend my entire fucking life alone in my bed.

#blathering

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novathebabydinosaur · 10 months

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I feel like I’m screaming in slow motion and I don’t really know how that’s an emotion but it is.

I was diagnosed with ptsd right before my concussion in December and it is making things so much harder and worse and also weirder?

Cuz like as I recover my memories are unjumbling and then sometimes I get stuck in the past or have weird connections of then and now and everything and emotions and how I view things and-insert picture of tangled slinky here- <— my brain.

Anyway. Religion fucked me up too, like a lot that’s been a fun thing to realize.

ANYWAY. I got nostalgic and was trying to look up some people from my past that I wanted to reconnect with/see how they are doing and that led to me making a new Facebook (evil) and have subsequently spent the last TWO HOURS trying to find various people off of vague memories, many of whom I have not seen or spoken to in 15-20 years because of reasons mostly that I became a HERMIT in like 2004 when I was like 12 and have had very little social development since then. And so most people I’ve ever known were from elementary school or church and I don’t wanna talk to 99.8% of them but I’m curious and nosy and my brain is kind of stuck at around that time period currently. I can only remember like 5 names and I found out absolutely nothing.

And I remember being a cringy little judgmental know it all with separation anxiety and a holier than thou attitude who was super codependent and clingy and jealous and I assume horrible to be around.

But it’s not all bad. I can remember playing in my old backyard on the swing set watching the clouds roll by and feeling a profound sense of peace and I remember the good times with mom before I became the focus of her anger and I remember catching fireflies and water gun battles and the squirrels in the two massive pine trees in the front yard and when mom would sew me and my sister matching Easter dresses and singing in the children’s choir and all of those church plays I used to be in.

Yes, things got bad, they got really bad and some days I’m surprised I’m still around and some days I wish I wasn’t but I am. I’m still here and I’m still figuring things out and trying to live a life I’m proud of and I’m scared and it’s honestly not going very well and I’m not sure it ever will, I don’t even know if I’m ever going to be able to drive or work a full time job ever again, but I’m trying and that’s all I can do.

And I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t need to be isolated from the entire world and even if things aren’t perfect I can still participate and try new things and try to meet new people and I’m trying to talk myself into going to my first drag show Friday even though I’m terrified.

#and writing this is very difficult because I want to edit but I can’t read and words are hard and concussions are stupid #I’m also encredibly poor and financially screwed #life fucking sucks #I have been so depressed #and I think a fun event would be fun #but I have crippling anxiety and don’t like loud and I would have to go alone and what if it’s too much or I freak out and idk #I want to go but I’m scared #idk #the ramblings of me #mental health #self esteem #depression #long post #ramblerambleramble

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mikey-media-society · 1 year

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Introduction

My name is Michael McGoldrick. I am a half-Irish and half-Italian American born and raised here in New York, my parents were raised here as well. The main benefit of being half-Irish and half-Italian is that I am entitled to both the Irish and Italian goodbye, which comes in clutch in plenty of situations. The origin of my name is simply because my Mom passed out after giving birth and my Dad rushed to give my name, I'm assuming there was a big football game that day to inspire my Dad's hasty decision. If I could change my name to any fictional character, it would probably have to be Charlie Brown. I basically have the same luck as him, so why doesn't my misfortune and misery entertain people worldwide and give me millions of dollars? I can't say I remember much of high school, despite my inability to get my head out of the past sometimes. However, throughout my time there and school in general, I pretty much lied low and didn't make much of an impact. I guess I was the student almost everybody knew by name, but not by association. I wouldn't even say I was at the bottom of the barrel of the high school social status, I was more likely the guck you'd find sticking under the barrel. With that being said, the last year and a half did pan out for me through the BOCES digital filmmaking program, the best time of my life as this is being currently written. Unfortunately, my time there was cut short thanks to the COVID pandemic, so I never got closure from the program or from high school much, really. My favorite day would probably be any time I had spent in that program, it acted as a safe haven from all the crap I had to go through on a daily basis, and the first and only time I felt like I really thrived socially in a public setting. No candidates really stand out for the worst day at high school, even then, I'd take any time I spent in the classes I hated most like Algebra and Economics over what I've gone through since my time out of high school. But that may just be the self-deluded nostalgia talking. I don't think there's nothing much I would change from my time there, I don't think any personal changes would really have changed my outlook on the place and I only got screwed over because everybody else did with the pandemic turning me and thousands of people into house hermits with even more regressed self-esteem. I am a New Media major and the reason behind that is filmmaking is the only thing to ever grab my attention in my lifetime. Ever since I can remember, I've been in love with film and television, particularly the animation medium has consumed my entire life and is probably my defining interest. Ideally. I want to be a screenwriter for animation in particular. And that is a pretty niche role in the industry, especially for a writer with minimal artistic abilities. Yeah, a guy who can write cartoons but can't really draw them is like a fisherman who knows how to operate a boat but doesn't know how to cast out to sea. Either way, I devoted a lot of time to drawing and I just realized it wasn't for me and I had a much better time doing writing since I was always more into the storytelling aspect anyhow. But regardless, I just want to try to be self-sufficient as possible by acquiring as many skills you can have in a field where thousands can do what you do, some better, some worse, so it evens out. And writing is the one thing I've ever felt good at, and in a world where you have to work more and more just to survive, it's important to do something you love. At the moment, I'm not really involved in any kind of school activities. Most of the stuff I've taken up is on my own, outside of the online indie animated projects I've contributed to whether through freelancing or volunteering. Aside from that, I'm a carny at LegoLand. Which is way better than being stuck behind a cash register. Being a carny is like being in sales but fun and you also learn all the tricks of the carnival games, so it's a win-win. Some interesting hobbies of mine is that

I do some voice acting, auditioning only for projects that really stand out and roles that seem catered to me and for interests, I'm pretty obsessed with the obscurer side of media. I can ramble on and on about the short-lived adult animation that was on MTV in the late 90's and early 2000s -- but my objective is to encourage you to keep reading this. What motivated me to pursue voice acting was being inspired by some of the online talent I collaborated with and as for an interest in obscure media, I often find that content is always up my alley in terms of story direction.

The last movie I watched was Chasing Amy and the last show I watched was Beavis & Butt-Head. I guess those two pieces of content can probably sum what kind of stuff I like. In terms of TV shows, I recommend Downtown, a short-lived and under-appreciated animated gem from the late 90's produced by MTV, it's a dialogue-driven show, typically centered around banter but still uses the medium to its fullest and I think can be very relatable for people in their early twenties. You can find all the episodes free on YouTube since MTV has zero interest in ever acknowledging the show's existence again. There's not a lot of media that I hate. If I see something I don't like, I typically brush it off my shoulder and move on with my life instead of berating those who enjoy something I didn't online. Hard to believe, I know. But I guess I'd have to say that the new Velma show did a good job at getting on my nerves, especially when it mocks the source material and acts that it's the best the franchise can offer -- when it's not. That's Zombie Island. Another recommendation. Currently, all of my projects are in the works. I have a 2-minute animated short film called "The Dream Team: A Team Divided" that I'm co-creating, directing, writing, producing, editing, and voice acting in (Image 1). And there's also Dull Point, which is a 5-minute limited animated pilot I have in the works that I'm co-creating, co-writing, co-directing, co-producing, editing, and voice acting in as well (Image 2). I can't really say too much about these projects since they mean the world to me but telling that I worked nearly 60-hour work weeks to make them happen, should tell you more than enough.

And finally, what would my last meal on Earth be and why? Buffalo wings with a side of french fries, but it is mandatory that they are cajun seasoned because that's the best way to eat them.

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greenwood106-blog · 1 year

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They Said I Had To Go To Rehab...

I spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital, and now they said I was being transferred to a rehabilitation facility. My wife had chosen the one with the highest marks for rehab stays, so it was another ambulance ride for me.

I arrived and thankfully had a private room. I guess one of the sad benefits of the pandemic was the isolation. I was never a big fan of the masses, so it was no problem to be isolated for me. I was still in the mindset of wanting to be left alone, so I can’t imagine what the staff thought of me. I was struggling with my temperature, hot one minute, cold the next. When I arrived the hot version was there so I asked them for a fan, and they found one for me. I then asked them to keep my door closed, which wasn’t easy as my communication was still in its infancy.

The next day I was introduced to a ton of people, none of whom I remember (sorry), and they kept wanting to open my blinds and my door. After I told the first few people no, they were sure to let my wife know that I must be depressed. She told them that I was a wanna be hermit who loathed sunlight, and that it was a good sign that I was asking for these things. While I was battling depression, it wasn’t what I would deem traditional depression. I had just suffered a stroke and from what I could tell, my guitar playing, never mind teaching, was done and walking could a thing of the past. Whether my blinds were open or closed wasn’t going to impact that.

It hadn’t struck me yet, but this place was exclusively a rehabilitation hospital, so therapists started coming in, introducing themselves and discussing the plan for me. I was so not interested in them, and they were interrupting my television session, watching Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond or maybe CSI New Orleans, so for the most part they got the cold shoulder. They told me they would be moving me from the bed via a hoyer lift and my level of excitement went absolutely nowhere. I knew how to operate these and hated them, so I was excited to be craned out of bed then back into bed every day.

The next day I could imagine the beeping of a crane as they wheeled in to load my bulky ass into a wheelchair. On the first day or so, I was visited by the in house shrink, who was nice but wanted to know how I was emotionally. My words were good in my mind, but got stuck there, so I grinned and frowned and muttered what I could to get my message across. They had gotten me a dry erase board and marker to write instead of pointing at letters and numbers. My right hand still didn’t work, so writing with my left hand was almost as pointless as my speaking. This tested my patience, but helped my brain think of how to spell vulgarities as a lefty.

One of the things the therapy staff did was put me in an electric wheelchair, which was pretty bad ass. It reclined, the foot rest raised and extended, and man could it boogie.

I would have three physical therapy sessions a day, and a speech therapy session. The physical therapy folks clearly had a mission, wear my ass out. But it was after one session that I had a realization. I wasn’t done and I could beat this damn thing! The therapists became my friends, my partners in my new life.

My speech therapist worked diligently to get me past mumbling to a drunken level of communicating. Some days I’m thinking they had wished I was still only mumbling, as I began joking with them or harassing them. My first achievement was staying out of bed all day. I watched entirely too many reruns of the shows I mentioned earlier, but hey it was progress.

As the sessions went on, I still struggled, and now my patience was being tested. I had gotten to where I really loved ice chips, and except for the damp sponge on a stick, they were they only thing I could safely ingest. My speech therapist told me there would be a test soon to see if my brain had relearned the basics of swallowing. She would bring me samples of things like pudding and fruit pieces and water, and I would try not to choke on them little by little.

Finally the test day arrived. I went to the back hallway where the radiology department was and was positioned in front of something like an x-ray machine that would allow the doctor to see how my throat handled each sample. I went through a handful of test foods and drinks and then I was done. I had passed! Man I cried for several minutes. This was victory that for me confirmed I would beat this crap, that I could not be beaten by something as simple as a stroke. Not to mention real food was on the menu now instead of goo. The scrambled eggs the next morning were some of the best ever. I’m sure I wasn’t biased by my weeks of goo.

It was a few weeks in that they decided I should start walking. They had the parallel bars for support and a therapist holding with a gait belt and off I went. I think it was 6 feet, but it felt like a mile. I had developed the fight again, and the rest of the day was just waiting for my next therapy session. Weekends sucked as there was no sessions, just little things like homework.

The hoyer lift was gone now, as it was time for me to learn how to use a slide board to go from the bed to my Cadillac and back. That was a process also, as I could only effectively slide to my left, so the Caddy had be positioned just right for me to slide my ass across the gap.

Progress continues.....

#Stroke Rehab Therapy

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maxkirin · 3 years

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I recently finished writing a novel and, as promised, here are the 5 realest tips I picked up from this experience.

Make sure to reblog / share with your writing friends! 😊🌻

First off, let's demystify what writing a book is actually like by showing you what my writing calendar actually looked like for this novel:

What do the colors mean?

Yellow = Brainstorming and outlining. That's right, I only spent 3 days planning before jumping in. More on that later.

Red = Writing. One chapter a day, shooting for 2.5K words (though it often was more or less, and that's okay!)

Gray = Other work, days life got in the way or I couldn't write.

Pink = Days off / resting days.

⭐ TIP #1 - It's Okay to Miss a Day (or Many)

We writing-types tend to have unrealistic expectations. Daily writing is one of them. You don't have to write every day, and it's okay if something gets in the way and you miss days or even weeks.

It doesn't matter how many days you miss, as long as you always get back to writing.

⭐ TIP #2 - You Don't Have to Outline Your Whole Book

I understand that first-time writers combat their fear of the blank page by outlining / planning well in advance, and that's okay, but here are some real-ass truths:

If you're like me, you think about your book several times every day. Trust me, books take a while to write and you are going to have plenty of chances to find ideas.

Instead of outlining the whole book, scene by scene, I just get myself enough of a framework to get started, and then I use a bit of my secret sauce:

🌶 Each night, as I'm winding down before bed, I take a journal and write down what I think will happen in tomorrow's chapter. It takes a few minutes, and those notes are pretty much all I need to get me through a writing session.

⭐ TIP #3 - Writing Is Not That Important

Writing a book is more than just the writing part, it's also about the living part too. You're a human being with responsibilities and sometimes things get in the way. And this is okay!

So what if life got in the way of writing?

Roll with the punches and try tomorrow. That's all we can do~

Now, let's build on the last point by adding even more context to the calendar, because writing a book is more than just the writing part—it is also about navigating through the chaos that is life.

What do the icons mean?

🥄 (Spoons) = Days I was tired, sick, or out of spoons / Action Points

🖥 (PCs) = Computer issues! Thank you, Microsoft!!

😰 (Distressed Face) = Stressful or unexpected life events! Can you believe I got surprise visits by my inlaws twice while writing this book? I wish I was kidding!

💊 (Pill) = After a life-long struggle with anxiety and depression, I finally started taking medication. Good news: I feel better. Bad news: the transitory period is rough.

⭐ TIP #4 - Every Day is Different

It's easy to think that every day is the same and that you should be able to do the same things consistently—but that's a fantasy! If you're like me, some days you have more energy than others, and some days the writing is easier than others! It's a crapshoot, but there's little we can do about it.

It's best to be kind to yourself, and take the L, than push yourself when you're already running out of steam and end up burning out. Take it from me. 🤞

⭐ TIP #5 - Life is a Sitcom (No, Really)

Looking at the experience of writing this book, there is so much more I couldn't just fit into two images—but there's a point I want to drive home.

I have the tamest, most peaceful life, and I still get on average 2.5 plots going on every week (like it's a sitcom up on here). Every week something breaks, something bad happens, something unexpected (good or bad) gets in the way.

And I'm basically a hermit! I can only imagine what it's like to be a person with an interesting life.

All of this to say that, you gotta lower your expectations a little. You're not going to write that book in one weekend. You're going to go over estimate. Something is going to get in the way. Between the prologue and the epilogue you're probably going to have to survive through a whole season of sitcom disasters.

In theory, writing a book is simple:

You sit down and write.

In reality, every day feels like a miracle.

This book took me ~6 weeks to write and in that span the best streak I ever got was 5 days in a row. Out of all those weeks, I spent a total of 15 whole days doing stuff other than writing.

The key isn't in being a perfect human being who never makes mistakes… but in being willing to get up, no matter how many times life knocks you down.

I hope this helps!

☕ Buy me a Cup of Coffee - 💖 Support me on Patreon

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Lost Luke Part Three

Star Wars Time Travel AU #19 (Wholesome Luke Time Travel AU) Part One . . . Part Two

One of the best things to imagine in this au is how the Skywalkers interact with Obi-Wan Kenobi because this is just before/interrupts the incidents that profoundly broke their faith in him but after he earned their unshakeable devotion (that is, to say, after he met them).

Anakin: “So you lived with your Aunt and Uncle but Obi-Wan was the one who actually raised you, right?” Luke, who has barely ever had a conversation with Old Ben: “No, I mean he seemed cool obviously but no. I mean he was around sometimes I guess...” Anakin, nodding knowingly: “Yeah, he totally raised you. He’s stealthy about that sort of thing.” Luke: ...?

Later on, as Luke is learning about the force and stuff, he starts to get a little bit more of a sense of how Ben had in fact been a feature in his life

(he’s been hired on as civilian mechanic with the 501st. Obviously this should be banned because a) that’s not a thing and b) attachment, but consider: He’s genuinely talented at everything, the Council reluctantly kind-of liked this one, Anakin pulled the slave card right when the council was at peak-slave guilt, Obi-Wan was quietly sure if they said no Anakin would quit, and also when Palpatine first heard about twin brother he went, ‘oh, worm?’ (The whole Luke vs Palpatine is a separate thing))

Pretty much everything he figures out about Ben on Tatooine is just- really sad. Like, he knew the Jedi were gone and Ben was upset about it but the Jedi are clearly Obi-Wan’s entirely family and culture oh my gods he really didn’t have anything did he.

And Luke doesn’t quite share Anakin’s conviction that Obi-Wan was on Tatooine just for him- it is in Hutt space, not a bad spot for avoiding imps. Luke was maybe a coincidence, or a bonus. Why else would he wait so long to actually introduce himself? It’s uncomfortable either way to think about this incredible Jedi Master and General fallen so low, an outcast and a drunk. But living on Tatooine for the sole purpose of being the same vague proximity as his dead friend’s son would be...yikes, pretty tragic.

The more he meditates and learns, the more he feels that something about Obi-Wan’s force-signature is familiar, but he can’t quite make it match up with his hazier pre-training memories.

It’s not until Obi-Wan is truly miserable- maybe a trooper Obi-Wan tried desperately to save dies in his arms- that Luke goes oh. Because the ozone-heavy-petrichor-aura of Obi-Wan’s grief is a lot more familiar.

The impression of Obi-Wan’s quiet sadness clung to the incredible hand carved ships Luke found on Shmi’s grave as a child, and ok that explains where those came from.

A few nights when he was young he tasted the scent on the wind, always when there rumors about Sand People Raids, and that also explained how their homestead sometimes seemed mysteriously protected, even if Owen’s irritation and anger about the fact still didn’t make sense.

One time while racing alone in begger’s canyon he had panicked at the rumble of a Krayt dragon beneath his speeder, only to nearly crash in relief when a mating call from over the ridge redirected it. He had even tried to describe the petrichor smell to his friends but everyone in town acted like he made the whole thing up, because Old Ben had even been seen leaving town around the same time and he didn’t look eaten either.

The time he most vividly remembers the force-impression was just a couple years ago, when he and Biggs were in trouble with some of Jabba goons over a complete misunderstanding- long story. Luke admitted that he might have been a little drunk- again, a total misunderstanding. He and Biggs were hiding under a filthy cantina table when they heard shouting just outside, one of the voices recognizable as a particularly sadistic enforcer. Someone entered the bar and approached the bartender to ask a question; the two tensed up in fear. Footsteps drew closer to their not-very-good hiding spot and a man sat down, inadvertently kicking Luke in the face.

Old Ben peered beneath the table, looking extremely surprised, “Luke? What in the core are you doing under there?”

Biggs shushed the drunk Hermit, desperately whispering, “Please Mr. Kenobi, Jabba’s goons are after this, you can’t let them know we’re under here.”

“Jabba’s goons?” Ben asked, sounding bewildered, “You mean those ruffians who were standing outside?”

Luke and Biggs nodded frantically.

“Oh, they left, you don’t have to worry about them.” Ben took a sip of his drink, leaning back with a smile.

The two boys exchanged a look, “Are you- are you sure? They seemed pretty mad.” Luke asked tentatively.

“Oh, yes. Apparently there was a break-in at one of Jabba’s warehouses and he’s extremely displeased at all of his servants for their failure to prevent it. I imagine whatever small quarrel they had with you will be totally forgotten in the fallout.”

The pair dragged themselves up to the bench across from Kenobi, slouching over in relief.

“Oh my gods- thank the Krayt! Let’s get out of here, Luke. See, I told you things would blow over.”

Luke punched Biggs in the shoulder, “Yeah, right. We got lucky, bantha brains.” Luke cleared his throat and addressed Old Ben directly, “Thank you- I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t shown up.”

At the time he had ignored the hair raising on the back of his neck, the surge of foreign mixed emotions, and the strangely familiar smell-that-wasn’t-a-smell he could never quite identify.

At 17, he was somewhat used to what his Uncle called his ‘damn bleeding heart’ and what Bigs called ‘being weird about other people.' He figured it was kind-of like how deep spacers got twitchy about crowds after spending months with just himself- he spent so much time on the farm that sometimes just being around other people was overwhelming. Plus he was a little drunk at the moment.

Ben cleared his throat, “Oh no, no need to thank me, I’m sure I had nothing to do with it.”

Biggs rolled his eyes. “...Right. Well, anyway, thanks for letting us know. Come on Luke, let’s beat it!” And they scurried out, not looking back.

Luke hesitantly tells Anakin about the almost-familiar force presence that clung to these memories and Anakin gets frustrated and sad and happy and confused because force why did Obi-Wan have to be so weird about feelings? He appreciates that he was obviously silently protecting his son for 19 years but he seriously couldn’t have talked to him? Luke quietly grieves a man he never really had the chance to know and who he’ll never fully understand while firmly attaching himself to the current Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan: Fucks sake, now they’re both clingy, what did I do to deserve this?

#star wars #my au #lost luke au #star wars au no 19 #i know i just posted part 2 of a different au so hopefully this isn't confusing #star wars fanfiction #star wars au #Luke: i guess Owen just really didnt like him #Anakin: well owen's an idiot then #Luke: HEY #Anakin: sorry sorry kidding #Luke: ...do you think maybe he noticed all the stalking and got the wrong idea #Anakin:#Anakin: obi-wan might be an idiot

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earlgreydream · 3 years

Text

enemies.

| bucky x reader | fluff |

requested by @fitzfiles enemies to lovers

this is technically a highschool au, but only slightly. we love bucky being a loveable ass out here

Your eyes narrowed and you glared at Bucky. You couldn’t stand him. Bucky was popular, flirtatious, and an asshole. He was always flirting with you at school, and you always felt like he was trying to make a joke of you in front of everyone. On top of that, it made other girls envy you, tainting friendships with jealousy.

It seemed like you were the only one who didn’t want Bucky Barnes.

“You’re such an ass!” You snapped at Bucky, who only laughed in response. You hated when he tilted his head to the side, the stupid smirk you loathed pulling at his lips.

“Don��t be like that, doll.”

“I’ll do whatever I want! Leave me alone, I’m not going to fall at your feet like everyone else!” You stood up from the library where he had been absolutely intent on distracting you from finishing your homework, the reason for the fight in the first place.

You were the only one who didn’t give him every ounce of attention he desired, and he was determined to get it.

You sat on your bed, a folder of history homework open in front of you. You studied with music softly in the background, needing a break from trying to study with Bucky bothering you every five seconds.

“Y/N,” your mom called your name as she walked in the door.

You looked up, setting down the document on World War II. Your father was behind her, and you grew uneasy, wondering what they possibly felt they needed to both talk to you about.

“We’re worried about you, dear.”

“Worried? Why?” you laughed, surprised by their explanation.

“We’re just concerned that you don’t have the same social life people your age have. You seem to always be up here, studying in your room. We want you to meet some people, and have some fun,” your father explained.

You were confused by the explanation. You spent most of your time at school, and around other students. You did have friends, but you also prioritized your grades. You certainly were not the hermit they were making you out to be.

“You don’t need to worry-”

“But darling, you’ve never dated. One of our friends has the most charming son, and we think he’d be perfect for you. We want to set you up.” Your mother was smiling, and you raised your eyebrows.

“Perfect for me?”

“Yes! He’s so charming, and he’s sweet. He’s also incredibly intelligent, his grades are wonderful. He travels a lot, you know, has that worldly kind of sense. And, he’s beautiful. We were thinking of setting the two of you up, having them over for dinner.”

You couldn’t deny that this sounded too good to be true. The boy they were describing sounded perfect for you, and although you cringed at the idea of your parents setting you up, you were intrigued.

“What is his name?”

“James!” She beamed, and you raised your eyebrows.

“I will go on one blind date with him, if you stop giving me a hard time about my social life.”

“One date. You can meet him at dinner tomorrow, and then the two of you must go on one date. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. But try for us, honey.”

“I will, I promise,” you smiled at your parents, excited and nervous to meet your supposed dream-man.

You dressed up for dinner once you were home from school. You’d never even seen this boy, and yet your tummy was filling with excited butterflies. Your name was called from downstairs, and you quickly ran down to meet them.

You nearly tripped over yourself as you stopped dead in your tracks. You were met with an all-too-familiar silver gaze, and the smirk that made you so, so angry.

“Bucky.”

Your voice was cold, and all of the butterflies shriveled up and died, the excitement fading from you. You were furious that you’d agreed to go on a date with him in addition to sitting through this dinner.

“You two know each other?” His mother asked, surprised.

“Quite well, actually. We have history together at school, right doll?” Bucky was trying not to laugh, only fueling your irritation.

“It’s Y/N. And we’ve met, yes.”

This motherfucker.

Dinner was long and painful, and you were forced to listen to what a perfect prince everybody thought Bucky was. You were surprised to hear about his academic standing, one that competed with your own. It was clear by his expression that he didn’t want the news to get out that he wasn’t a complete anarchist.

You cringed as your parents praised you too, unsure of who they were trying to impress. You were quiet, not giving a single damn about being polite to the boy you hated.

“Why don’t the two of you go upstairs?” your mom suggested, and you sighed, holding back a massive eye roll. Being alone with Bucky was about last on the list of things you wanted to do.

You stood up under the pressure of four gazes, and Bucy followed you up the flight of stairs. He couldn’t contain his amusement for the situation, and you walked into your room and sat down on the edge of your bed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Did you know it was me?”

“No, I really didn’t. But I’m glad it is.” He almost sounded sincere.

Bucky looked around your room, taking in the soft lavender walls, and the white bedspread that you sat on top of. Everything was soft and sweet, like you. Fairy lights hung above the bed, casting a gentle glow over the room. Bucky thought you looked beautiful.

“Quit staring at me,” you snipped, pulling your knees up to your chest.

He smiled, stepping in from the doorway and sitting beside you on the bed. You were angry at yourself for noticing the way the lights seemed to make him look golden, glinting in the reflection of huge silver eyes.

“How could I not?” He breathed, and your heart stuttered in your chest.

No. No, this is not happening. You will not let yourself be seduced by this cocky asshole.

“Save it for the date,” you rolled your eyes and he smirked.

“You’re not looking forward to it?” Bucky asked, and you shook your head with a face.

“No, of course not.”

“Come on, I’ll show you a good time. You’ll probably even realize that you’re in love with me.” His grin was infectious, but you fought off the urge to smile back.

“In love with you? Hardly.”

“I’ll give you one night. You’ll change your mind.”

“You seem confident,” you snarked, rolling your eyes at his arrogance.

“I always am.”

You watched him as his eyes traveled over the room, seeming to take everything in. Bucky noticed every small detail, including the sketch of daisies that leaned against the wall on top of your desk.

When he was finally called away, he stood in front of you, leaning over you with one hand on the wrought iron bed frame. A soft smile broke onto his face, and you felt warmth spread through your chest, reaching up to your cheeks.

“Goodnight, doll.”

You scowled at the dress that was laid out in the end of your bed when you got home from school. You’d been dreading the date, especially when Bucky winked at you during history class. He didn’t make a show of embarrassing you in front of his friends. You hadn’t even heard gossip about it, so he must not have told anybody.

You were a bit surprised, you thought that Bucky would seize the opportunity to be the subject of gossip and attention, dragging you into it with him.

Your parents were out of town for the weekend, and you’d been set up for a friday date after school with Bucky. The doorbell rang, and you went to answer it, your eyes widening a bit when you saw him in jeans and a button down.

Fuck, he was handsome.

“Hi James.”

“Y/N, you look beautiful,” he said honestly, and you couldn’t stop the warmth from blossoming on your cheeks. He held up a bouquet of daisies, and you bit back a smile, taking your favorite flowers from him. You realized he noticed the drawing, and something about that made you feel fuzzy inside.

It was too bad you didn’t even like him.

“Let me set these down, thank you.”

You put them in a vase on the table, and he followed you.

“You didn’t tell everyone at school.” It was a statement, but you meant it as a question.

“Why would I? I knew you wouldn’t appreciate everyone in your business,” Bucky confessed. Despite the amusement he gained from getting on your nerves, Bucky did like you, and he did respect you. The idea of others participate in the teasing, more than just his bit of playfulness, upset Bucky.

He wanted you to like him.

You followed Bucky outside to his yellow car, one that was sort of vintage. He didn’t drive to school, and you realized you had never seen his car, but it somehow fit him. You got in the passenger seat, and he handed you the chord to play your own music.

You nervously scrolled through your phone, deciding that the safest bet for music was bon iver, and he broke into a smile, leaning forward to turn up the stereo.

“I love this song,” Bucky grinned, surprising you.

“Where are we going?” you asked, leaning forward and watching the buildings pass by as he drove you to an unknown location.

“Just trust me.”

He parked and was opening your door for you before you could get out. You stepped out and took his outstretched hand, deciding you had to at least give this as much of an effort as he was.

His hand was soft and he squeezed you gently as he led you inside the huge aquarium in the city. It was your favorite place to go, and you wondered how Bucky knew that.

“You mentioned it once, in class,” he spoke as if he read your mind, or at least read the bright smile on your face.

“I can’t believe you remembered... Or that you even listened,” you laughed.

“I always listen.”

You walked through tunnels filled with colorful fish, and they swam around you on all sides, even under your feet. You gasped and pressed your hands to the glass, letting go of Bucky as you watched a sea turtle swim by. Bucky watched your delight, smiling at your excited squeal.

“Look!” you pointed, and he grinned.

“I see, it’s so cool,” he indulged you.

You moved through the tunnel, into a room of separate tanks, all smaller and holding their own creatures. You struggled to see the clown fish in the top, even standing on your toes.

“What’re you doing, doll?”

“Trying to see the nemo fish, but-” you squeaked as Bucky’s hands went around your waist, and he lifted you up so you could see. You blushed and smiled, looking at the fish swimming around. He gently set you down, and you wrapped your hands around his arm, a little bit shyly.

The two of you spent hours looking at the creatures, and you let him wrap his arms around your waist as you stood and watched the jellyfish.

“They’re so pretty!” you gasped, and Bucky could see the reflection in your wide eyes, and he couldn’t ignore how his heart raced when he looked at you.

You found yourself feeling the same way.

“This was great, James. I didn’t think you’d manage to win me over, but this is the best date I’ve ever been on,” you confessed shyly as you left, the sky already dark. He beamed at you, his silver eyes lighting up when you smiled at him.

“I’m so glad, but we’re not finished yet, doll.”

“You spoil me,” you giggled, and he pulled you to the car.

“Come on, or we’ll miss it,” he hurried you, laughing as he got behind the wheel.

He drove to a park and got a blanket from the backseat, producing a basket that you hadn’t noticed before.

“Picnicking in the dark?”

“Hush and come with me,” he insisted, laying out the blanket on the grass and pulling the food out.

You bit into a piece of fruit, leaning against his side. You gasped as fireworks started to go off overhead, and you looked at Bucky, who just smiled back at you.

“I thought you’d like them.”

You watched the light and colors explode in the sky, enjoying the dinner he brought. You ended up leaning back against Bucky’s chest, wrapped in his jacket when you complained of being chilly. You couldn’t believe that over the course of a few hours, he had managed to work his way into your heart, and you were now in his arms.

“Do you want to come in and stay?” you asked Bucky as he pulled up in front of your house.

“I’m invited?”

“Yes.”

He smiled, grabbing sweats from his trunk, explaining that he always had a change of clothes, on account of being an athlete. You teased him with a giggle, going inside with him and up to your bedroom.

You changed into a pajama set and laid on your bed with him, the two of you staring up at the tiny, glittering fairy lights above you.

“You look perfect like this,” you whispered.

“Not as perfect as you.”

“What happens Monday? Do you go back to being an ass and I go back to hating you?” your voice was soft, and although you were joking, the fear behind it was real.

“I was hoping I could call you my girlfriend on Monday.”

You leaned over and kissed him, answering the question. When he kissed you back, it was like a million tiny fireworks exploding inside of you, instead of in the sky overhead.

“You changed my mind in one night.”

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sdvvillagers · 3 years

Note

Families reactions for bachelorettes and bachelors expecting a baby? (｡◕‿‿◕｡) Who would be extatic about becoming grandparent/auntie and so on, and who'd be scared of new role?

First off, I am SO DANG SORRY for how long it took me to answer this. Seriously, this ask has been in my inbox for months (along with another one that I SWEAR I’ll get to! I’m sorry!). Long asks like these make my brain seize up and it takes awhile to kick my brain in the pants and reboot it. I tried to keep all responses vague in terms of spouse (for male or female partner) as well as vague in terms of pregnancy versus adoption. Enjoy!

Alex - Evelyn and George never thought they’d see the day that they would become great-grandparents. It seemed so far-fetched that they’d never really considered it as an option, not even when Alex got married. It wasn’t until they actually heard Alex announce that he was going to be a father that the reality set in. Evelyn was so overjoyed she burst into tears, beckoning Alex over to her so she could squeeze him as hard as her frail arms possibly could. George was happy, of course, but more than anything he was proud. Not only proud of Alex and what a wonderful father he would be, but admittedly proud of himself for living so full a life that he lived long enough to see himself become a great-grandfather.

Sam - Jodi has been excited about the prospect of having grandchildren ever since Sam was born. Having a family and children of her own is rewarding, she can’t deny that, but there’s something different about grandkids. She saw the way her own parents interacted with Sam and later Vincent, and saw a far more carefree relationship. Grandparents don’t have to be disciplinarians, they don’t have to enforce strict bedtimes or limit sugar intake, they don’t have to clean up after messes or potty train. Jodi loves being a mother when it comes to interacting with her children, it’s everything else that gets overwhelming. Jodi definitely shrieks in excitement when Sam announces that he’s going to be a father. Kent, usually a quiet and stoic man, will struggle to hold back his emotions as he congratulates his son. It isn’t until later when he has a moment alone that he properly processes the news and finally allows himself to feel properly excited about it. So much of his own children’s lives was missed by him, he hopes he can be a more present in the life of his grandchild. And Vincent… well, Vincent is just tickled by the idea that he’ll be an uncle before he even turns 10 and will insist that everyone start calling him “Uncle Vincent” before the baby even arrives.

Seb - Robin has NO CHILL when it comes to Seb announcing that he’s going to be a father. For years Robin worried about Seb, concerned that he would be a hermit forever and would never live a life outside of the basement. Seeing Seb flourish the way he has and meet someone new was rewarding enough and even once Seb was in a relationship, Robin wasn’t sure if children were ever on his radar. He didn’t seem like he wanted kids in his life and Robin still would have been happy for him even if he never pursued having children… at least that’s what she thought until the moment Seb announced he was going to be a father. Full-on freakout on Robin’s part. Demetrius is outwardly proud of Sebastian and congratulates him, but a part of Demetrius is worried. His relationship as a father figure to Sebastian never really worked out and he wonders what his place will be in the life of Sebastian’s child and whether he will be treated as a grandfather or not. Maru is SO excited to become an auntie, already she starts thinking of all the cool and fun things she wants to do with her niece/nephew. She’s bound and determined to be the stereotypical “fun aunt”.

Shane - Marnie has spent most of her life worrying about Shane for various reasons; worried about his alcohol dependence, worried about his depression, worried about his loneliness, worried about his future. When Shane finally does meet someone, Marnie is ecstatic. Of course someone new will never fix a person in itself, having a partner at least helps to motivate Shane to get his life on the right track. Marnie is absolutely thrilled when Shane announces he’s going to be a father and this is one area where she’s not worried one bit. She’s seen how he is with Jas and what a wonderful father figure he’s been to her, Marnie’s just happy that he’ll have the chance to have this experience from the beginning. As for Jas, she couldn’t be happier. It’s always been a bit lonely for her, it’s been tough for her to find her place in the family dynamic. But with Shane getting married and now a new baby arriving, Jas finally feels like she’s settling into a family and becoming part of something she’s always wanted.

Abigail - Caroline and Pierre are so proud of the woman that Abi has grown into. Yes, they had their disagreements as Abi was growing up and even into her young adulthood, but those were all overcome once Abi started to make a life for herself. It was worrisome to both Caroline and Pierre when Abi was so carefree and didn’t have a direction she wanted to go in life, it seemed like the last thing in life she wanted was to settle down and live a domestic life. Apparently all Abi needed was to find the right person to complement her and everything fell into place. Abi is still the somewhat rebellious girl she had been and there’s still many things Pierre and Caroline will never understand about her, but it at least brings them comfort to see her happy. When she announces that she’s going to be a mother, Pierre and Caroline are relieved and overjoyed. It was never anything they thought would happen to them when their only child was so outwardly against domesticity, but they’re so happy that she found a way to live that life and still be happy.

Emily - When Emily announces that she is going to be a mother, Haley literally SHRIEKS in excitement. At this point in her life Haley might not be ready for a baby, but that doesn’t mean she’s not completely excited to have one in her life. What follows is the biggest shopping trip of Haley’s life, she finds herself buying more in preparation for the new baby than even Emily does. No niece or nephew of Haley’s will go unspoiled. She can’t wait to be the cool aunt.

Haley - It’s strange for Emily when she hears that Haley will be a mother. Most of Emily’s life was spent caring for Haley more as her mother than as her sister, it isn’t until recently that they’ve been able to find a happy place in their relationship where Emily can finally feel like a sister. Now the dynamic is changing once again and Emily feels more like a grandmother than an auntie, the connection to Haley and her child is that strong. Somehow calling herself an aunt just doesn’t seem powerful enough, it doesn’t seem worthy enough. Emily knows she will be more than just an aunt to Haley’s child and has ever intention of treating her niece or nephew the way any grandmother would.

Maru - Robin and Demetrius beam with pride when Maru announced that she’s going to be a mother. While Demetrius always focused more on Maru’s success in her studies and her career, Robin always worried in the back of her mind if this measure of success was the only one Maru would cling to. Robin hoped that Maru would learn that her success could be measured just as much by her personal relationships and family life and that Maru was smart enough and driven enough to have it all. Seeing Maru in a happy relationship and hearing the news that she’s starting a family is a relief to Robin to see that she never devalued having a family and it’s a relief to Demetrius to see that his motivated daughter is living a full life. Sebastian isn’t outwardly excited about the prospect of being an uncle, then again there isn’t much he’s outwardly excited about. Inwardly, though, he’s strangely looking forward to being an uncle. Yes, it will be awkward and he’s certainly never been a fan of babies or even small children, but somehow the idea of playing Solarian Chronicles with his niece or nephew many years from now is a vision he can’t stop seeing and enough to get him actually excited.

Penny - Pam knows how long Penny has waited for this moment and it’s for that reason that Pam is actually quite worried for her. Pam knows how much the idea of being a wife and mother has been glorified in Penny’s mind but Pam understands from experience just how difficult parenting can really be. It’s hard to truly make someone understand just how hard parenting can be and that it’s not the beautiful, rewarding experience it can sometimes be painted as. Parenting can be soul-crushing, it can be exhausting, it can be overwhelming, and Pam worries that Penny might not be ready for that aspect of it. Of course Pam is thrilled at the news that she’ll be a grandmother, but a part of her is also worried about what kind of grandmother she’ll be. She fully acknowledges that she wasn’t exactly the best mother in the world and that somehow Penny turned out okay in spite of that. Being told that she’ll be a grandmother gives Pam some relief that maybe she’ll get a second chance… she just hopes she won’t screw it up.

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

Text

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

I’ve been a hermit ever since covid dropped lol. Yes, you’re doing social distancing right. Imagine going outside? Ptff, what a weird concept. But I’m happy you’ve stuck around for so long despite the constant brainworms I have. Oho?? More crumbs 👀 Lemme just crack my knuckles real quick. I’m throwing a reader in just so I have an excuse to tag everyone haha. These are a lot more scuffy compared to my usual HCs but let me brainrot for a sec.

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

Genshin: Roomate HCs [V1]

Genshin: Mythos AU - Cat Xiao

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

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Zhongli

Your first impressions of Zhongli was that he was an egotistical and selfish brat. To be fair, you might have adopted some of those qualities yourself but you were both children at the time. Your sister, Guizhong, was tasked to take care of Zhongli in place of his parents which lead to your first meeting with the infamous Imperial Prince. At first, you were excited to finally meet someone who was the same age as you and Guizhong was always so kind. But when he turned to face you two, he just asked if Guizhong was supposed to be his concubine. You weren’t sure whether to gag or throw your shoe at him but Guizhong quickly intercepted before you could do anything that could get you killed. It’s only until you spent more time with him that Zhongli tells you that he has never had someone care for him or want to spend time with him without some alterative motive.

Zhongli radiates sheltered child from birth. To outsiders, he seems really slow on normal everyday tasks but that’s because he’s never had to worry about doing mundane things. He’s always had someone else to do them for him that when he’s out in public, he just stands around and waits for someone to help him. It’s incredibly awkward for everyone in the situation when Zhongli forgets to bring mora and just stands off to the side until one of his servants comes to pick up his check. That’s how Zhongli got such a bad reputation of being a spoiled brat despite being a well-mannered and polite man. When he drops something he just turns to look at you, back at the object, then back at you. You have to pound it into your brain that no, Zhongli is not a lazy and he isn’t trying to be insulting, that’s just how he’s lived his life. When you tell him he is fully capable to picking things up, because what if he dropped something important when he was older and the wind swept it away, he pounders the thought as if you’ve just explained the meaning of the celestials to him that you give up and just pick it up for him.

A Prince from Mondstadt named Venti used to come to Liyue for playdates while their father’s talked business and politics. He was the complete opposite of Zhongli but you genuinely liked him. While he was a bit more bolder and hyper compared to the calm and quiet Zhongli, he would always try and get Zhongli out of the palace and outside. You end up missing so many fun and interesting things when you’re locked up in your study room. How can the next Emperor care about his land when he doesn’t even know what it’s like to live there? It was the first time you and Zhongli went out just for fun and you might have gone a bit overboard in hindsight, but Venti’s personality and the feeling of freedom to do anything was addicting. Plus, watching Zhongli’s reactions to all these new feelings made him feel a bit more human. While you knew that Zhongli would do everything for Liyue, you never got the impression that his heart was in it.

From then on, you and Zhongli try and carve some time out of his schedule to go down to the streets and have a little bit of a break. When you both built kites and scaled all the way to the mountains to fly them, it was the first time you’ve seen Zhongli be bad at something. He always had such elegance and perfection whenever his teachers asked him to do something but as soon as the kite took flight, it would stumble then come crashing down. Zhongli had the most heartbroken puppy expression on his face that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. While you’re on the ground gasping for air and probably have the most ridiculous expression on your face, Zhongli smiles gently as he looks at you then back to Liyue. The moment is ruined when Guizhong comes running towards you both and scolds you for sneaking out.

While it’s somewhat annoying when other attendants in palace gush about how well Zhongli is growing into becoming the next emperor, both in smarts and appearance, you have to somewhat agree with them in some places. If you want to know the history of Liyue or how to properly place a tea set, he can tell you in incredible detail. However, when it comes to social cues and interactions, he’s awful at them. Everything is treated a business deal that it makes everyone somewhat nervous or uncomfortable that you’re internally dying at any social event he goes to. But despite the awkwardness, he has a lot of admires that frequently send him letters of marriage or adoration that you have to shift through. It makes you a bit uncomfortable reading the flowery language but it surprised you a bit how many people have the misconception that Zhongli planning to have you as his spouse. When you mention this to Zhongli as a joke, he returns to his thinking pose and he contemplates the idea before nodding and agreeing with the letters. He proposes to you right then and there and it’s such a sudden development that your brain has finally broke and you pass out.

Venti

Venti is one of those royalty types that spends so much time outside and away from his duties that he’s basically thrown his cape and crown to the wind. The first time Zhongli visited Monstadt, his first impressions of Venti were him singing to a crowd. While Zhongli doesn’t understand why Venti would spend his time on music rather than his studies, they still get along well. Mostly because Venti has a very easy going personality, even if he’s a bit blunt, but whatever comments he makes fly over Zhongli’s head. Unlike him, you’re the complete opposite. You’re a knight in training with an earnest heart that wants to protect the City of Mondstadt with your entire being. While you don’t necessarily hate Venti, because he never asked to be born into the royal family, you can’t help but get frustrated at his nonchalant attitude towards everything aside from alcohol and music.

Your first meeting with him was during your time training under the Favonius Knights. You wanted to get a bit more practice late in the night when Venti stumbled upon you bullying a poor wooden dummy before he announces his arrival. He laughs a bit at your fumbling as you quickly get into a proper kneel but he waves it off saying it was unnecessary before he asks what you’re up to. You’re in mid-explanation when Venti cuts you off with a yawn and you can feel the irritation creeping up on you as you snap back why he’s outside instead of inside the safe walls of the castle. Your irritation grows even further when Venti smugly grins, patting himself on the back from getting a rise out of you, before he reaches into the bag you just noticed he was carrying to produce sheets of music.

While his teacher’s drone on and on about the production of wine, he is busy writing songs in his textbooks. While he understands the importance of his role, he thinks the people can rule themselves just fine without his help. He wants to leave his crown and become a bard and live an ordinary but free life. How he’s always sneaking out to go explore without the world constantly breathing down his neck. Whether his posture is correct or if he’s memorized the history of berries wouldn’t matter. Honestly, Venti is weighing his options of either staying as a royal or leaving everything behind to pursue the life he wants. When he finishes his heart-felt speech he expects you to give him those same pitiful and woe is you eyes but you’re just angry. You can understand his sentiment, living a life that you never asked for isn’t fun, but suddenly packing your things and jumping ship would only cause chaos and conflict. At least have some sort of replacement before you leave damnit.

Now it’s your turn to be surprised, rather than taking offense to you, a nameless knight, basically insulting the him, the Prince, he lights up in excitement. He rips his cape and crown off before he’s shoving them onto you before you can even say anything. He’s almost bouncing on his feet as he tells you that you can freely take his crown and become the next in line. You have no idea how that would work but he mentions that he knows a man named Albedo that can help change your appearance to look like him. That way, you get to protect the City you love so much and he get’s to live the life he’s always wanted. It’s completely fool proof with no flaws whatsoever! Except for the fact, that he is jumping way too far to conclusions, he’s shoving his responsibilities onto you, and most importantly, you don’t the first thing about Venti and how to act like him.

Before you know it, Venti has dragged you to meet his Father to personally appoint you as his personal knight. He doesn’t take no for an answer even though you aren’t qualified at all to be protecting someone of high position as him but Venti’s always been a handful that someone needs to watch over him. You have no idea how one night managed to throw your entire life into this chaos but you’re not sure if you can even get out of this situation at this point.

Kaeya

It all happened so suddenly. You and him were playing in the gardens when his father rushed in and took both of your hands and dragged you to the border to Khaenri’ah. The land you were both used to seeing, the friendly baker that would always give you both sweets, or the magic that used to flow so freely was transformed into red cubes. You were both scared and confused but as you both reached the border oh Khaenri’ah, a large gate that leads to the above world of Teyvat, his father tells you both to run as far as you could and never look back before he pushed you both in. It wasn’t until years later that you both discovered that a corrupted god had taken control of Khaenri’ah. Now, everyone believes that the Khaenri’ah prince is dead because he’s been missing for so long and whatever hope Khaenri’ah has is gone. For his own safety, he had to change his name to Kaeya and you both found yourself at the gates of Mondstadt.

It took a lot of adjusting for the both of you but Kaeya especially. Your mother had dropped you into the care of Kaeya’s family for a short while before everything went downhill. She was a bit on the neglectful side but she was still your mother and you knew she was alive. On the other hand, Kaeya lost his entire family and nation in a single moment. Whatever pure happiness and bright personality he used to have quickly regressed until he was a shy and quiet kid. You know he blames himself for what happened even if there wasn’t anything he could have done but he’s grown a fear of outsiders so he tends to avoid other children his age. Instead finding comfort in playing with the funny looking abyss mages and slimes that are on the outskirt of Mondstadt. While he doesn’t seem bothered by the weird comments other people make of him, you know deep down he does get hurt, that it makes you so mad that you end up lashing out.

You end up getting into a few fights as Kaeya patches you up. He scolds you and says that he doesn’t need you to go so far for him is when you make him a promise that you’ll protect him with everything you have. It’s the first moment since everything happened that he seems to gain back that life in his eyes. He blinks at you before he chuckles sheepishly and comments that you can’t even tie your shoes correctly do you stumble a bit. You’re a bit embarrassed at your sudden proclamation but stand determined about it. You both end up making a pinky promise to stay by each other’s side until the very end.

When you’re both older and in the position of Captain and Teacher in the Favonius Knights is when he seems to be a bit more open. You both end up gaining a reputation of the laid-back Calvary Captain that bother’s the strict but kind Teacher. He’s always waltzing in the middle of you class to tease you before you end up throwing something at him to get him to stop embarrassing you in front of new recruits. You end up getting back at him with your woe is me acting and push all your paper work on him. Since he loves spending so much time in your class, he should know how to do all your paper work right?. Despite all of this, if anyone needs to find Kaeya or you, you’re basically a packaged deal. Always attached to the hip.

Kaeya knows deep down, at some point he’s going to have to go back to Khaenri’ah and save his people but he’s conflicted. While he knows it’s selfish that he get’s to live a life of freedom, he wants to be selfish. Not just for him but for you as well. You’ve both basically lost everything and now that things are okay, he doesn’t want to give that up. While you both promised to stay together until the end, you’re the only person he has left and he doesn’t want to rope you into his mess or have you worry about him. He’s heard of the blond traveler in black and blue that is searching for the lost prince of an unnamed kingdom, knows that the peaceful life he has right now will come to an end, but he pushes it aside. Besides, there are more important things to attend to. Today might be the day he tells your students about how you fell into a lake because you got scared by a frog.

Jean

Jean is incredibly dedicated to her role and to her people because she’s genuinely a good person and wants to see people happy. Especially her sister Barbara. She’s a bit awkward and clumsy in her execution but she has a lot of heart. Being her personal knight, you know just how hard she works and you admire her greatly for her ideals and nature. She has such a professional and gentle façe when she’s out in public but as soon as she’s behind closed doors, she’s collapsing into your arms as the world lifts for a short while. You chuckle a bit amused at how different she appears to the outside world, how the ever prime and proper Princess wakes up with a rat’s nest, how her favourite food is pizza, or how she throws these 7 inch heels out the window as soon as a ball is over.

Due to Jean’s kind-hearted nature, when it comes to more pushy people she can’t seem to say no to. Travelers or citizens that think they can take advantage of the Princess is what makes your blood boil. While she isn’t stupid and knows that people are taking advantage of her, she wants to extend any help she can. Not for her public image but because that’s how she is. While it warms your heart that people like her exist, as her knight you can only let so many things slide. When some shady peddler tries to lead Jean somewhere, you’re already stepping in and smilingly sweetly as you grip the peddler’s hand in a death grip and not so subtlety say that he better have a good excuse for why he wants to drag the Princess away or there might be a problem.

When Jean is overworking herself and nearing her breaking point is when you step in. You may be her knight but you’re also her friend and you know when it’s time to stop her destructive habits. She might complain and reassure you that she’s fine but you don’t accept that. If she was “fine” her temperature wouldn’t be the same level as a pyro slime and she wouldn’t have such dark circles under her eyes. It’s a simple bend and lift to carry her in your arms that she ends up stuttering before going pink and let’s you carry her to her room. While she’s screaming into her hands, you’re preparing medicine and everything she’ll need to make a full recovery.

The hardest times for Jean is when her Father constantly pesters her to find a husband. Jean is an independent person and while yes, while being a workaholic isn’t against help, but she doesn’t believe she needs a husband just to make her entitled to rule her kingdom. Besides, Jean is secretly a hopeless romantic. You’re very tight lipped about secretly finding her love story books hidden under her bed unless you want to see her self-combust. You try your best to comfort her but there’s not a lot you can do for her situation other than offer words of reassurance and try and get her mind off things. While you’re patting her on the back she’s looking at you as if you’re the most oblivious person in the world.

Albedo

Albedo is a renowned alchemist that helps royal families with their problems with the use of his intelligence and abilities in alchemy. Something that only a few people can do throughout Teyvat, you being one of them as well. At first, you had admired Albedo and his abilities and saw him as a bit of a role model for young alchemist. Until you actually met him in person. He’s pretty much an emotionless void of a person that he comes off as extremely unempathetic when he listens to the woes of royals. While you sort of agree, the problems that royal’s commission you for are completely ridiculous and selfish, he doesn’t have a moral compass and if he can benefit from it. He’ll do it, no matter how questionable it may seem.

Maybe it’s because you have a little sister figure in your life to stir your moral compass but it still get’s you irritated. It’s always a joy to see Klee when you come back home from your travels that whatever bad mood you were in suddenly washes away. But when you knock on Alice’s door only to have it open to reveal Albedo holding Klee in his arms does your world come crashing down. Klee is completely ignorant to your internal screams as she scrabbles out of Albedo’s hands to give you a hug and take your hand in hers as she leads you inside. You can almost feel the inner workings of Albedo’s mind as he stares at you blankly as Klee shows you the new art she drew.

You both don’t mention or talk about it even when you happen to cross each other’s paths outside or you both end up seeing each other at Alice’s home. It’s a bit funny to you, to the outside world Albedo seems so aloof and untouchable, and yet you’re here watching him get tired from chasing Klee around and trying to stop her destroying her home with her bombs. It almost makes you smug when Klee listens to you better than Albedo, it might seem a bit petty and small but you don’t care. He ends up getting back at you when he ends up one-upping you in front of the royal court. He does a quick scan of the room before his eyes land on you and he shoots you a small smug smile before his face returns to it’s neutral expression. You’re clapping along with everyone with the most strained smile you can muster.

You manage to find out from Klee that Albedo enjoys drawing that the next time you see him, you ask if you could see him draw something or if he had sketches on hand. You’re fascinated by his drawings, more so than his actual research discoveries, as you look at the tiny details he’s managed to capture. Outside of Klee, no one’s really been interested in his drawings that he can’t help but feel a little flustered when you’re gushing about his work. It’s different from people praising his alchemist efforts, you’re not someone whose staring at him like he’s on a pedestal when you say you like his drawings, and it feels genuine. He offers a small smile and says that if you’d like, he’d love to show you some more sketches.

You’ve never noticed it until other people bring it up but Albedo seems close to you. Usually once he’s done his business he leaves but if you happen to be around, he sticks around a bit longer just to speak with you. How he seems comfortable to relax in your presence and even leans in closer. How he complies with your requests without any benefit to him. You’re not sure what type of relationship you hold with Albedo. You don’t think you’re friends but you’re definitely closer than acquaintance. If taking care of a a hyper active walking bomb doesn’t bring two people closer than you don’t know what does. But at the end of the day, you find you don’t really care. Not everything needs to be labelled and categorized like things are in alchemy. People don’t seem to understand but you always duck out and escape before you’re questioned further about your personal life. Unbeknownst to you, Albedo is watching you go as he ponders your words.

Childe

Childe is such a clown. He’s an assassin that doesn’t know the first thing about being subtle and is just in it for the fighting. He’s really just an incredibly egotistical bastard that likes being friendly with his targets, just to see their shocked expressions when it’s him that comes to take their life. He’s actually a pretty down to earth guy. While other assassins in the Fatui either have tragic backstories or some sad pitiful tale, Childe just laughs at them. His family is still alive and he’s never had any true hardships in his life. He’s pretty disliked for this reason but he’s a skilled enough fighter that it somewhat makes up for it.

Just when Childe’s life is at its peak, is when he slips and falls into the abyss. For the first time, he had to face against a threat and in a situation he has no control over which is completely foreign to him. He barely manages to survive until he’s saved by an unknown figure that goes by the name Skirk. While he’s grateful he’s still alive, facing his mortality for the first time gives him a lot to reflect about. Thus he makes the impulse decision to train under Skirk and grow stronger until he’s able to climb out of the abyss. That’s when he meets you who was travelling with Skirk for the same reasons. Your first interactions with this unknown teen is him challenging you to a fight, just for you to throw him over your shoulder as if he weighed nothing. You expected him to get angry or cry but instead he’s standing right back up and grinning like a psychopath as he asks for another fight. You’re looking at Skirk with the most, are we seriously bringing this child with us? look.

From then on, it’s been the three of you travelling through the floors of the abyss. Skirk tells you the stories of this place, how it used to be a great nation before corruption cause the citizens to be morphed and transformed into monsters. You and Childe learn how to fight alongside Skirk against these monsters until it ends up becoming a competition between you and Childe on who can kill the most monsters. Skirk is a bit worried that when you both are back into the outside world, if he should be worried about how morbid you both might appear. But while you’re both yelling at each other who actually landed the last kill on the regisvine while the hilichurls are cowering in a corner does he just accept that things aren’t going to change. The world will just have to accept it. If you both actually teamed up, and you have before, he thinks you both would be unstoppable but you’re both too stubborn.

Despite your rivalry, Childe still has his big brother instincts that whenever you get hurt he’s huffing over you like a mother hen as he scolds you for being so reckless. You’re ignoring the fact that he’s bleeding out while you have minor cuts because you don’t want a crybaby Childe on your hands. Even the harsh conditions of the Abyss, you both find ways to entertain yourself. Childe always challenges you to a fight every second of the day and he always ends up with a sore back when you knock him off his feet. And he always makes the joke that you’re sweeping him off his feet which ends up with him screaming bloody murder as you charge at him. It doesn’t help when he’s still yelling comments behind his shoulder that you might get mistaken for a gorilla when you’re both outside that Skirk has gotten so used to this that he simply ignores the attempted murder going on behind him.

When you’re both strong enough to climb to the gate of the Abyss, Skirk feels almost like a proud parent. Giving you a head pat and a hard slap to the back for Childe does Skirk wave you both off. You’re trying to mask your tears as Childe grins and promises to see you on the other side, that you’ll definitely meet up in the future no matter what. But when he finally returns to the Fatui, works his way back up to being an assassin, he almost thinks Skirk is laughing at him when he realizes that his first target is you. Not that he’s bothered by it, he'll be happy to see you again and see if he can finally beat you.

Baizhu

Baizhu is the most suspicious doctor in the history of all doctors. Some citizens aren’t even sure if he’s a qualified doctor but alas, he’s very good at his job and is a lot more tolerable compared to the Alchemist Albedo so that’s how he’s been able to keep his job. He works under the Liyue emperor so even if citizens had issues with him, it’s not like they could do anything in the first place. People aren’t sure whether he’s joking or being honest when he explains what he’s been privately working on behind the scenes. From experiments to rituals, they are taken aback but Baizhu just smiles and says he’s just kidding. Being his assistant, you have to constantly reassure others that Baizhu is a bit of a sadist and likes to get a rise out of people. Besides, why would a doctor be so interested in those type of things? It’s incredibly unnerving but no one questions it. They won’t know what to do in the first place if their suspicious are correct.

While Baizhu knows how to do his job, he’s always sending you to do the dirty work. From getting medicinal plants up on the very top of mountains or bringing cranky old men their prescriptions, whenever you’re done one task he’s got three more for you. He could at the very least take the trash out while he’s busy doing nothing. At least the job has a few perks. You’ve always had numerous health issues and while Baizhu’s reputation is a bit on thin ice, you wouldn’t trust anyone else to look you over. He’s a bit weird about it, you’re pretty sure Baizhu will never love another person emotionally but when it comes to the science behind a human body, he’s absolutely smitten. He tries to reassure you that he does care for the wellbeing of Liyue but you wave it off at him trying to butter you up before he asks something ridiculous of you.

You and his snake, Changsheng, do not like each other. You think she’s an annoying and bratty snake that Baizhu needs to throw into a jar to shut up while she thinks you’re a complete nuisance and doesn’t understand why Baizhu keeps you around. Baizhu has tried to get you both to reconcile but it always devolves into a petty argument of back-handed insults until Baizhu has enough and tells you both to quiet down. To be truthful, both of your hatred towards each other stems from two completely different reasons rather than disliking each other’s personality, but you can never bring it up to Baizhu. It’s not a conversation anyone wants to have.

If he has one positive, it’s his adopted daughter Qiqi who is just an absolute sweetheart. She’s shy and prefers to follow after Baizhu and you like a lost duckling. While Baizhu might be the worst boss in this history of all bosses, it makes you grin smugly internally when Qiqi chooses to stay cuddled in your arms instead of his. Qiqi is 95% the reason why you stay in this job, not that Baizhu would ever let you leave, because you’ve genuinely grown fond of someone for the first time the same way she has for you. You bring her along whenever you need to give prescriptions to citizens just so she isn’t stuck in within the same four walls and the locals love her. From her forgetful nature or how she shy’s behind your legs whenever someone new approach's you both. It’s so cute that people tend to ignore the floating rumours that Baizhu is reanimating his previously deceased family.

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I have no idea if I’m just uncultured or if “Always and Forever” Au’s are a thing. I hope you all like this 👉👈 it’s kind of messy and all over the place and I lowkey don’t know if I like my brainrot (there’s a lot of issues ik). I kinda want to do a part 2 where I include other characters but let me know if that’s something interesting? Oh and feel free to add to this, I’d love to hear your ideas.

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army-author · 3 years

Text

(fic alert) all this stigma

➝ COMING 26/03/2021 18:00 GMT

➝ summary: your relationship with taehyung was supposed to stay strictly casual. yet, when you find yourself pregnant with his child, the walls you built up come crashing down around you. kim taehyung’s affluent family are strict and traditional, willing to do anything to cover up the indiscretions of their son, even if it means forcing him into marriage...

➝ pairing: heir taehyung x female reader

➝ genre: heavy angst, arranged marriage au

➝ warnings: profanity; lots of talk about losing virginity

[PREVIEW BELOW]

[Six years ago]

Your eyes are caught on Taehyung.

In Anise’s dorm room, with the scent of alcohol heavy in the air, all you can focus on is the man standing across from you. Anise had invited him over in the hopes of introducing you to some more people. As she said - “You need to put yourself out there more!”

You knew she was right. You’d spent the first term crammed in your dorm, studying, barely talking with anyone. In the middle of a corridor of dormitories, surrounded by hundreds of other students, you had felt inexplicably lonely. Part of your reasoning for becoming a hermit in your dorm room were the warnings you had received before you left for university. Your school had been very religious, shoving morals down your throat as you got ready to venture out into the real world. The world will try to corrupt you. They’ll try to entice you. Do not let yourself fall into temptation.

You were certainly slipping into temptation now as you looked at Taehyung. A unique curiosity pierced your heart as you watched him from across the room. Perhaps it was the spark in his black eyes that intrigued you. Perhaps it was the cut of his jaw. Perhaps it was the defined collar bone that suggested itself just above the white of his t-shirt. Whatever it was – it had clutched at your stomach with iron teeth as soon as he walked into the room.

Your mother had also warned you of the dangers of the world when you left home. “Some boys will try to entice you,” she had said. She was keen on the idea of remaining virtuous and pure – repeating all the ideas you had heard regurgitated at school assembly each week.

Perhaps that was why, after all this time, you were so desperate to go against her guidance.

Anise had decided that it was her mission to help you lose your virginity, and had taken it upon herself to introduce you to all her male friends.

You are all too happy to let her guide you through the murky uncertainty of hook-ups. Being so inexperienced yourself, you need all the help you can get.

But now, faced with the prospect of Taehyung, stood a couple of feet away from you, the idea of going over and striking up a conversation with him terrifies you. Everything about him radiates a confident sensuality. On top of that, you had heard rumours that his family was extremely wealthy – a far cry from your rural upbringing.

Gripping the ice cold beer bottle that Anise pushed into your hand earlier, you take a swig, hoping for a boost of confidence. With a deep breath, you walk over to Taehyung. “Hi,” you say by way of introduction. Not the most unique start to a conversation.

He turns his gaze to you, and up close, you are struck by how devastating his stare can be – dark eyes swirling with a galaxy of golden speckles, radiating light as he offers you a smile. “Hello. You’re Anise’s friend, right?”

You nod, “Yep. That’s me.”

His smile widens. With that smile, you begin to loosen up, slightly less intimidated at the prospect of speaking with such a beautiful man. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says, “I’m Taehyung.”

“I know,” you say, “Anise speaks about you a lot.” As soon as these words leave your lips, your cheeks heat with a desperate blush.

“Oh yeah?” Taehyung raises his eyebrows. There’s a smile in his voice, “What does she speak about?”

You swallow. You’ve backed yourself into a corner now. Despite all the advice Anise had tried to give, you were still your own awkward self, completely innocent to the secret art of flirting. Taking another sip of beer to soften the blow of your next words, you resign yourself to the truth. “Anise has decided that she needs to help me loose my virginity, so… she’s introducing me to all her male friends.” You can feel that your cheeks are hot with a flush, eyes stinging with embarrassment, “I… don’t know why I told you that...”

Taehyung simply laughs, “So that’s her deal, huh? I’m just some meat for you to hop on?” He quirks you a smile with raised brows; his heated gaze is enough to melt you down to a puddle.

“No, I didn’t mean...” you stammer.

“Relax,” he gives you a light tap on the arm, “I’m kidding.”

“Oh,” you swallow, the aftertaste of beer suddenly turning bitter. You get the sense you’ve fucked up any chance you had of establishing a relationship with Taehyung. Humiliated, you take another swig from your beer bottle.

“So,” Taehyung says, “You actually planning on losing your virginity tonight?”

You almost choke. Gasping for air, you wipe beer from your lips, “Excuse me?”

He laughs, “God, your face is hilarious!”

You stammer, as your cheeks only get hotter, “I wasn’t expecting you to… I mean… I didn’t think...”

His dark eyes watch carefully. The spark in those swimming irises still intrigues you, yanking you back against your better judgement.

“Did Anise decide that you needed to loose your virginity, or was that your decision?” Taehyung asks.

You shrug, “I think it’s a bit of both. I mean... I wouldn’t mind losing it. I hate the label sticking to me. I’m not a prude or anything. I guess a part of me feels like I’m missing out on something. I see all those sex scenes in TV and movies, and it feels as plausible as a scene about magic or aliens. It’s just so far removed from anything I’ve experienced.” You laugh at yourself, “I’m just rambling now. God, I’m so embarrassing!”

Taehyung takes another sip of his beer, “No, it’s not embarrassing. I felt the same way before I lost my virginity. Before, I just couldn’t stop thinking about sex, and when I finally did it, it was like: “Oh. So that’s it, huh?” And then I just got on with my life without it ruling over me. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It felt really nice. But experiencing it for myself I realised that it’s not as big a deal as people would have you think.”

You nod, silent. You can barely believe you’re even having this conversation. Held in Taehyung’s gaze, the whole encounter feels like it’s happening in a dream. Maybe it’s just the alcohol getting to your head.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Anise comes back, phone in hand, saying, “We should take a photo!” You’re jostled around, sandwiched between friends. You loose track of Taehyung, as Yoongi, another of Anise’s friends, ends up squished next to you, with Anise on your other side. Smiling at the camera, which is held by a boy you don’t recognise, there’s a flash. The memory is preserved forever.

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dodo-begone · 3 years

Note

I've decided to go back to my roots with this one the classic Ender creative mode isekai but with a slight twist rather than the Dsmp it's the hermits so apologies if any are occ.

You should probably be freaking out alot more than you were, after all you were stuck in a game world that's normally not exactly a good thing but well you did freak out for the first few weeks. Now though you had sort of just accepted it I mean this was pretty good you were in creative mode so you didn't have to worry about getting food or monsters attacking you and you could just build to your hearts content. You were actually starting to prefer this to your old life honestly. Granted you were getting used to the fact that you didn't look like yourself anymore you were your minecraft skin, the villain one you made complete with the netherite crown, and yeah you might have decided that hey if you look the part might as well play the part right.

The towering blackrock Castle that loomed over the rest of the smallish island you had spawned on was very nice and really tied the whole evil empire thing you were going for together. The town looked just as ominous being mostly made out of dark oak with soul torches and soul lanterns lighting everything up since while you wouldn't get attacked by mobs your poor villagers would and well you couldn't be an evil empire without citizens to rule over. To be fair you didn't know if you could be considered evil beyond the whole *aesthetic* but hey you were having fun so you weren't exactly splitting hairs over the technicalities here. The wall you had just completed circling the island looked good and best of all you could still see the castle from sea level outside of the wall so it really did look like a final bosses lair, patting yourself on the back you returned to the castle after all you still had to do the throne room, if you had remained for a few more minutes perhaps you would have found out you weren't alone in this world.

Ren groaned just completely done with today, he and Doc had spent the last day and a half looking for a shipwreck since a certain duo had ransacked the one they had already claimed but after hours of him rowing and Doc sticking his head under the water to see if his mechanical eye could spot a ship they had absolutely nothing to show for it. At this point they were so far from the continent that Ren was a little concerned that they would get lost at sea but Doc had a compass so all was good, it was surprising that they hadn't even found any landmasses beyond a couple tiny islands. Just a little more and they would call it a day and row home, what he wasn't expecting was a sharp inhale from Doc turning around to see what he was staring at, yeah he could see how those gigantic Blackstone walls could get such a reaction, if he squinted he could just make out.... was that a castle? Whatever it was it most certainly wasn't hermit made none of them built off the continent, he quickly got his communicator out he needed to tell Xisuma about this.

Xisuma wasn't expecting his meeting with his helscraft counterpart to be interrupted by the ding of his communicator, but reading through Rens message he could feel a headache come on, of course Helsknight and evil X weren't the only ones to come bother the hermits. He quickly turned to his evil half and asked who's counterpart had built a island base, only he got a very confused look in return and a evil x who slowly and quietly confessed that it was only him and helsknight that had travelled to hermitcraft so whoever that was it wasn't one of his helscrafters. That was very very concerning.

Ender-anon

Hope you like it Dodo.

Oh i absolutely adore this ender!!! Thank you so much for sharing- i added a lil thing to this and i hope you enjoy it, even if it goes far from what you were imaging. Because i most likely went SO far away form what you had thought.

You're essentially a god because you're in creative mode. Absolutely untouchable to anything and everything. And that made you cocky, confident. Yet not confident enough to travel far from your new sanctuary. It was odd, truly. The ominous and dangerous aura that the build gave off shouldn't be so comforting, yet here you were, seeing this place like a cottage home instead of being intimidated by the oppressive presence of the castle and city.

If/when the helscrafters see your build, they'd be impressed. Such a large and evil looking build. They creator definitely needed some kudos. I mean come on, it was a masterpiece! Building something like that in survival would've taken ages and not even talking about the material gathering. They may not be builders like the hermits, but they can recognize a great build when they see it.

When they meet you, it's like whiplash. Excuse me? Um, why do you seem friendly? Why can you fly? Stop floating already! And you're over here just acting like this is normal? Mostly carefree, yet an anxious energy just emanates from your actions. You were the exact opposite of what they expected you to be. The vibe between you and the build was more than shocking, but they could use this to their advantage.

How fortunate they were to have gotten to you before the admin. Now they could make you out into something you weren't and keep you all to themselves. Get whatever they want from you and portray you as a mythical and menacing entity that had been living in the world long before any of the hermits joined.

You know what'd be even funnier? Them saying that you were one of the gods that they believed and worshipped. Yep. That's totally what you are. That's why they're getting these amazing stuff without trying. Their god gave them a stack of enchanted golden apples EACH what did you get loser? idk i thought that was funny to me it's kinda late good god

#ask #ender anon #c: doc #c: evil x #c: helsknight #c: ren #c: xisuma #rambling with dodo

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eliemo · 3 years

Text

Behind Closed Doors

Summary: The light sides are still learning how to help Virgil recover, and Virgil is still learning how to ask for what he needs.

TWs: past abuse, blood and violence mention, past manipulation, yelling, arguments, misunderstandings

Notes: This chapter literally would not exist without @self-taught-mess they’re amazing I love them - sympathetic light and dark sides, taglist at the end

Masterpost

It wasn’t like he’d never had any privacy before.

Virgil had spent most of his life alone, and as much as he’d hated it, the isolation had been preferable to the beatings.

Everybody had wanted as little to do with him as possible, and he’d understood perfectly. The only time any of the Others would enter his room was when they were furious, throwing open his door without warning, slamming it against the wall so loud it sent Virgil’s anxiety skyrocketing before a hand was even put on him.

Now...just like with so many other things, the rules around his privacy were proving to be different.

The light sides actually came to see him. He spent less time cooped up in his room now that he was gradually starting to feel welcome, slowly learning not to be so terrified to just walk into a room.

If he tripped or stumbled, if the floor creaked under his weight or if he talked just a little too long...they wouldn’t hurt him. They’d promised they wouldn’t, swore to him no one ever would again, and Virgil was beginning to trust them. Slowly. It was still...hard to believe that things could actually be this nice for him.

And when he was in his room, safe and closed off, he quickly realized how much...calmer it was when people came to see him. Virgil was always hyper aware of movement outside his door, of footsteps in the hallway coming closer, of someone angry storming towards his room. He was still working on memorizing each of the light side’s footsteps, but it soon proved unnecessary.

They seemed to understand he liked his space, but when they did come to find him in his room, Patton and Logan always knocked. Other than the few times Deceit had needed to speak to him, no one had bothered to do that before.

Then again, before the light sides no one had come into his room with any intention other than to punish him. There was no need for knocking when he was in trouble anyway.

Patton’s knocking was slow and gentle, and the moral side would always call out to make sure Virgil was alright with company before opening the door.

Logan’s knocks were quick and curt, but there was no aggression or impatience to the sound, and he always waited until Virgil said it was ok to come in.

Roman had been careful to give Virgil his space when he was up in his room, but the two of them had gotten closer in the recent weeks, and there had been a few times Roman would come to him for help with an idea or an invitation to movie night.

It didn’t take Virgil long to realize that Roman...didn’t knock.

Which shouldn’t be a big deal. At all. Of course Roman didn’t knock- he was Roman. He was grand and dramatic and he liked to make an entrance, barging into rooms with dazzling smiles and powerful words.

And of course it didn’t matter to anyone else, because no one was pathetic enough to dwell on meaningless things like that. God- this was why people wanted to hurt Virgil. He was annoying and panicked over stupid little things like the way someone entered a room.

Nobody had ever knocked on his door before. So Roman not knocking shouldn’t be fazing him in the slightest.

Except...except before, whenever someone would enter his room without warning, it meant they were angry enough that the beating couldn’t wait until Virgil came downstairs.

He knew Roman wouldn’t hurt him- he knew that. Roman had been the first one to promise him safety, to hold him and tell him he didn’t deserve that, to swear to protect him as vigilantly as Virgil protected everyone else.

But every time Roman would barge into his room, footsteps thundering in the hallway just seconds before the door flew open, Virgil had a hard time remembering that.

The sickening panic would return each time, defenses raising automatically, Virgil hunching his shoulders and tensing, waiting for screams and punches that of course didn't come.

He always missed the first few things Roman said, busy fighting to calm himself down before the Prince could notice his distress.

Because how pathetic would that be, if they found out a door opening was enough to make him want to throw up? Each time he had to fight to keep himself from scrambling under his bed in a desperate attempt to hide from a punishment that wasn’t going to come.

So he stayed silent. They already had to be ridiculously careful around him, he didn’t want to risk pushing his luck by asking for something else.

He should have known that plan was bound to go wrong. Most things in his life always seemed to.

Virgil was already tense and on edge from a particularly bad nightmare, hiding out in his room all morning, still too anxious to go to anyone for help despite them assuring him it was alright if he needed it.

So when Roman burst into his room, calling his name with his usual extravagance, it was of little surprise to Virgil that he snapped before he could stop himself.

“Jesus Christ, will you just knock?”

Roman froze, smile dropping slightly as he furrowed his brow at Virgil. “Well excuse me, Doom and Gloom. You wouldn’t hear it anyway if you have your headphones in.”

“Yes I would,” Virgil argued. Unless he needed the noise to drown out rising panic, he always kept his music quiet enough to hear movement outside his door. “But still, it doesn’t mean you can just barge in like you own the place. What if- what if I’m changing or something?”

Roman scoffed, and Virgil suddenly felt small and cornered. “Oh, please. You mean the two seconds it takes to snap our fingers to switch clothes? Wanna try another excuse, Stormcloud?”

Even the familiar nickname, usually gentle and endearing, felt cold and patronizing now. Roman smirked and crossed his arms, and Virgil knew the Prince was just teasing him. He’d been a dick, and Roman was responding with their usual banter.

Virgil swallowed, frantically trying to come up with an excuse. ‘I blindly panic every time my door opens because I think you’re going to beat me’ would just make things awkward, and Roman would probably laugh and call him ridiculous. Or get angry. “Well...what if…”

He trailed off as Roman raised a cocky eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Well maybe I just don’t want you in my room, Princey!”

He shouldn’t be getting defensive, he shouldn’t be lashing out to combat the sudden panic in his chest. He should just tell Roman he wasn’t in the mood- tired from another round of nightmares- and if the Prince didn’t leave right now, things would only escalate.

“Oh, please,” Roman scoffed. “Of course you do. You need something to lighten the mood in here. Were you planning on sitting in the dark all day?”

He had- at least until the tension in his muscles had seeped away, the nightmare becoming nothing more than a faded memory, and he could function like a human being again. He really, really was not up for company, and he would have said as much if Roman had just knocked.

“Maybe,” Virgil snapped. “I didn’t realize that was a problem.”

He tried not to think about how if he’d ever dared to speak this way to one of the Others, he’d have already been a bloody mess on the floor.

“It’s not a problem,” Roman replied instantly, his voice a bit too sharp for Virgil’s liking. He won’t hurt him, he would never hurt him. He had to keep repeating the mantra in his head.

Roman continued with a quick flip of his wrist, moving his hair from his face in usual dramatic fashion. It really shouldn’t have put Virgil so on edge. “I just can’t understand why you always hermit away in here. I’m just coming in here to say hello, and personally I think you should be honored that I actually want to step foot in here at all.”

Did Roman sound angry? No. No, he...he was just annoyed. Irritated and judgy, maybe, but not angry.

So there was no reason Virgil should be curling up just a bit tighter to try and hide how bad he was shaking. He really needed Roman to leave before he noticed.

“Yeah, okay, well maybe not everyone thinks the way you do, Princey,” he snapped back, voice just as sharp as Roman’s had been, if not more so. “Maybe if people wanted you in their rooms they’d invite you.”

Roman scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous, Knight in Shaking Armor. If we waited for an invitation we’d never see you.”

Ok, ouch. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault he’d spent his entire life thinking that everyone would try to hurt him if he stepped out of his room. (Yes it was. It was his fault, he was the one stupid enough to believe it.)

“What’s your deal?” Virgil demanded, ignoring the dark, terrified thoughts telling him to just shut up before he got hit. “Jesus, I just asked you to knock! I didn’t realize you had such a problem with privacy, Princey.”

“Well maybe I’d respect your privacy if you weren’t being such a jerk about it!”

Virgil reared back like he’d been struck, stomach dropping as his heart began to pound. He knew he was pushing Roman unfairly but he hadn’t thought...he’d just kind of hoped the light sides would be more gracious about this sort of thing.

A naive part of him had hoped they hadn’t had rules like that at all.

Virgil was still the embodiment of anxiety, still wired to respond solely with fight or flight. He was already in his room, practically cornered, which meant there was nowhere else to flee for safety.

Fight took over Virgil’s instincts. He could feel adrenaline start up through his veins as he moved to the edge of the bed and sat up straighter, glaring at the Prince still in his doorway.

“Roman, I swear to god it’s not that difficult to knock on a freaking door. I do it before bursting into your room, but you can’t return the favor?” Virgil gripped his bed sheets to hide how bad his hands were shaking. He suddenly couldn’t convince himself he wasn’t in danger.

“Seriously, I thought you were supposed to be a Prince.” Virgil’s own voice was reminding him of the growl of a frightened animal, guarded and too aggressive for this to still be considered friendly banter.

“Oh, forgive me for not obeying your every command, Virgil. I came in here to be nice. I didn’t expect to be shouted at the moment I stepped inside! You’re being utterly uncouth!”

“Uncouth?” he echoed. “Roman will you stop being a child and just get out of my room?”

Roman rolled his eyes but at least took a step back out into the hall, not bothering to close the door as he went. “Fine. I’ll just go tell Logan and Patton how ridiculous you’re being.”

And then he was gone, storming down the hallway with an undeniable air of anger and frustration, and Virgil was left completely frozen on his bed with the dawning realization of what he’d just done.

Maybe...maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he didn’t have to panic yet. They’d stopped themselves from hurting him, even weeks after their promise, so maybe they didn’t have any plans to use nonviolent punishment either.

He...he knew better than to really believe that. But maybe if he hurried, if he explained himself, they would understand and give him another chance. Because for the first time, he had people who actually accounted for his feelings before making a decision.

Looking back on the way he’d just treated Roman, he didn’t understand why they didn’t just grab him by the hood and slam him against the wall until he couldn’t see straight.

He scrambled off his bed, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a moment to breathe, to will himself to stop trembling. Nobody was screaming for him, nobody was marching up the stairs to tell him of his punishment yet. He still had time to fix things.

Roman’s remark about earning privacy was still ringing in his ears, an unfortunately familiar warning, and Virgil knew all too well what that would entail. But maybe he’d take it back if Virgil just swallowed his pride and apologized.

He made his way down the hall, silently hoping he could make it downstairs before everyone decided it was best to go back to treating him like the villain.

Those hopes quickly vanished when he made it to the bottom of the stairs and was immediately met with three pairs of eyes, all with varying levels of confusion and annoyance.

“Oh, look who it is,” Roman announced and Virgil flinched, gripping the railing like a lifeline. “Patton, will you tell our local hermit to please control himself?”

“Kiddo,” Patton warned, but quickly turned his gaze back on Virgil, frowning slightly. “Logan and I could hear you two yelling from down here. What’s going on?”

Virgil shrugged, suddenly intensely focused on his feet. “Nothing.”

“He wanted me to knock,” Roman explained with a huff. “Which of course I would have done, if he had asked politely.”

Logan raised a curious eyebrow, briefly glancing between the two. “Virgil, if there are boundaries you would like us to be aware of, you only need to say. There is no reason for a request like that to turn into an argument.”

“Yeah,” Virgil muttered, fighting against the urge to flee. “I know.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Roman cross his arms, and he had to remind himself over and over again that no one was going to strike him. Even if they should. “Then why are you so worked up about it?”

And Virgil had fully intended on explaining, on getting across to Roman that he knew it was stupid and selfish but when his door opened without warning it was impossible to see through his panic, to convince himself he wasn’t about to be left bleeding on his floor for the next few hours.

But now, with everyone staring at him expectantly, cheeks burning red under the attention, he...he couldn’t. “I’m...I’m just tired.”

Roman laughed, short and void entirely of any humor. “He was tired. Well that excuses everything, doesn’t it?”

Patton was watching Virgil with something much too close to pity. “Kiddos--”

“You used to lock yourself up in your room all the time,” Roman complained, and Virgil felt that same spike of defensive anger. Because that hadn’t been his fault. Wasn’t that what they’d been trying to teach him to accept? “We just don’t want that to happen anymore!”

Virgil tensed, holding the railing so tight his knuckles turned white. He...he hadn’t been trying to isolate himself again. Being welcomed and openly tolerated for the first time was one of the best feelings in the world. He wouldn’t trade his newfound family for anything.

“Just...why are we even still talking about this? Why are you two involved?”

He risked a glance up, wincing at the cold glare Roman was giving him, and the obvious confusion from Patton and Logan.

“Because anger is not an effective way to communicate,” Logan said. “I understand that it is what you are used to, but it needs to be--”

“Don’t say that to me,” Virgil snapped because- because no. No. He wasn’t doing that. He was not acting like the Others. He wasn’t like them. “Don’t ever say that to me, Logan.”

Logan tilted his head, clearly a bit irked at the interruption. “Apologies, Virgil. But am I...incorrect?”

“Yes! N-no...I- I don’t--”

“Alright,” Patton mercifully interrupted, but his patience sounded forced. Virgil briefly wondered which one of them would lose their temper and advance on him first. “I think we all need to settle down.”

Roman waved a hand at the stairs, and Virgil was glad no one was looking to see him flinch.

“But it’s his fault,” the Prince argued. “He got mad first! For no reason!”

“I just-” Virgil groaned, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Look, just knock. It’s not hard.”

Roman whirled back around to face him, eyes brimming with exasperation and anger. “But it doesn’t matter!”

“Yes it does!”

“Why?”

Virgil opened his mouth to answer, but the words got caught in his throat. God, he was shaking so bad. Why couldn’t he just shut up and let them do whatever they wanted? They already put up with so much.

The amount of pain he should have received as punishment for this conversation alone-

He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t let himself panic. It wasn’t like that anymore.

“Look, it’s...it- it’s not…” He found himself glancing at Logan, who always seemed to somehow know what Virgil needed, but the logical side just raised an expectant eyebrow. Virgil groaned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You- why are you being such an ass about this?”

“Me?” Roman demanded, and if he noticed Virgil flinch back at the sudden rise in volume he didn’t say anything. “You’re the one getting worked up over something useless! I’m not going to adhere to your every wish, Virgil! Why does it matter?”

“Because maybe I’m convinced everyone who comes into my room wants to kill me, Roman!”

The outburst was met with silence, unreadable expressions on the other side’s faces. Roman opened his mouth to respond but Virgil wasn’t done. Anger had reared its head like an ugly beast, taking control in one last desperate defense.

“Maybe if you all bothered to tell me otherwise sooner, I wouldn’t be such a- a hermit or whatever. I didn’t know it was such a problem- you never bothered to talk to me until I was useful, anyway!”

That wasn’t fair, he knew that wasn’t fair. That hadn’t been their fault. He’d been horrible, a villain they all hated. It was his fault. It always was.

The living room was silent now, all eyes on him, and Virgil fought the urge to pull up his hood and risked a cautious glance at Roman, who no longer looked quite so angry. Shocked, definitely, but not necessarily mad.

Which was weird. Virgil was almost positive that if he’d taken that kind of tone with any of the Others, he probably wouldn’t be able to walk ever again.

Logan cleared his throat and took a step forward, and Virgil instinctively flinched back with his arms raised to shield his face.

“Virgil--”

“Whatever,” he practically growled, and dammit his voice was shaking too much for them not to notice. “Just- forget it, guys.”

And before anyone could call him back he stormed up the stairs, shoulders hunched and hands stuffed in his hoodie. He was still fuming, shaky and unfocused, and he channeled the rest of his anger into grabbing the handle and slamming the door to his bedroom as hard as he possibly could.

It was hard enough to make the walls quiver, the sound like a gunshot ringing through the halls of the mindscape, and it made him feel better for about two seconds before he realized what he’d just done.

Oh god. Oh god they were going to kill him.

He’d started a pointless argument because he was too pathetic to get over something simple, and then he’d stood there and yelled at everyone like they had done something wrong.

They weren’t going to hit him. They’d promised, and they’d proven over and over again that they didn’t intend on breaking that promise, no matter how horrible he was.

And he’d certainly shown them just how horrible he could be today, hadn’t he? Maybe now they would finally understand why he’d been put through all those punishments for so long. It was so much easier to deal with him when he was in pain.

The argument could be worked through. Maybe. But then he’d slammed his door and...and he knew what the punishment was for that. Roman had confirmed it himself.

Virgil understood that. His room was a safe space, somewhere to stay when things got too overwhelming to manage, and for the most part the other sides understood that.

So taking privacy away entirely was the most effective punishment they had access to since violence had already been taken off the table.

It was preferable to the beatings, obviously, but it still made sickening panic coil in his gut at the thought of it. At least they seemed to be giving him some time to cool down before his punishment, the hallway outside completely silent.

God, he was an idiot. He was so stupid. Why couldn’t he do one thing right? Why couldn’t he just be grateful for what he had and not ruin everything for once in his stupid life?

He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to cry over his own mistake. That had always just gotten him in more trouble.

Virgil pulled up his hood, breaths still short and shaking as he crawled back into bed where he’d already spent a majority of the day. Maybe the longer he stayed cooped up in here, the longer he could avoid the repercussions.

It was unlikely. Punishments were never on his terms.

He kept his eyes firmly shut, wrapping his blanket around him and burying his face in the pillow in a desperate attempt at letting everything fade for the time being. He was exhausted, both from the nightmares and the fight, and all he wanted to do was fall asleep and never wake back up.

He didn’t get his wish, unfortunately, but it was clear he’d at least managed to doze off for a couple hours, his room much darker than it had been before he’d shut his eyes, faint sunlight no longer shining through his curtains.

At first he wasn’t sure what had woken him, everything still and silent, but then he heard the quiet knocking at his door again followed by a gentle voice.

“Kiddo?” Patton called from the other side. “Can I come in?”

Virgil groaned, still groggy and disoriented, wondering why Patton was still bothering to knock. He knew better than to push his luck by turning him away, taking a steadying breath before calling back. “Yeah. Come in, Pat.”

Virgil pushed himself up into a sitting position, pulling his knees up to his chest as Patton slowly pushed open the door, hesitating in the entrance.

“Hey,” he said softly, and Virgil wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer or not. “Did I wake you?”

Virgil shrugged, eyes on his rumpled blankets. “It’s ok.”

Patton continued to hesitate in the doorway, and Virgil scrambled to figure out why the moral side was still being so courteous. Was it some kind of trick? Was he trying to figure out how to best explain what the punishment would entail?

“You up for talking, kiddo?” Patton asked, and Virgil knew better than to think he actually had a choice. “It can wait if you need some more alone time.”

Virgil shook his head, heart beating frantically in his chest as he willed himself to stop trembling. The weaker he looked, the worse it always was. He cautiously raised his head to glance at Patton, a silent invitation.

The moral side took a step forward before pausing again, hand hovering over the doorknob. “Do you want the door open or closed?”

Virgil blinked, glancing between Patton and the hallway behind him. He didn’t...look angry, but the idea of having an accessible escape route set him at ease just a little.

He couldn’t meet his gaze, fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. “Can you leave it open?”

“Of course.”

Virgil watched with tense shoulders as Patton, true to his word, left the bedroom door open and carefully made his way over to the bed where the anxious side was miserably hunched over and waiting.

“Kiddo--”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said, cringing when he realized he’d interrupted. “I- I’m sorry for- for fighting with Roman and- and for yelling and...and for saying those things about you guys. That wasn’t- that wasn’t your fault. I- I should have tried harder but I was stupid, and I just didn’t--”

“Slow down, Virgil,” Patton said softly, and Virgil instantly fell silent. “You’re not stupid. And we know you didn’t mean what you said.”

Patton had slowly lowered himself down on the bed, keeping a few inches between them. He reached forward, slowly, and Virgil flinched back before he could stop himself, eyes going wide.

Patton quickly pulled his hand back. “I’m not gonna hurt you, baby. It’s ok.”

Virgil looked down at his lap, squeezing trembling hands into fists. He was hard enough to deal with normally, but he’d been awful today. He couldn’t imagine how much Patton was regretting his decision right now.

“You...you can if you want,” Virgil said quietly. “I won’t- I won’t say anything.”

Patton made a choked sound, eyes wide in disbelief. Virgil wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong this time, but he’d made him upset and all his defenses were suddenly up.

“Sorry!” he said quickly. “S-sorry, I was just trying to--”

“No, it’s alright,” Patton said, and Virgil jumped at the feeling of warm hands suddenly covering his own. “But I don’t want to hit you, sweetheart. I will never want that.”

Virgil’s head was starting to hurt, spinning in the way it usually did whenever they had discussions like this. “But...but everyone’s mad.”

“We had a fight,” Patton agreed, looking unbearably sad. “It got a little out of hand, and everyone needed some time to cool off. Do you think Roman should be hit?”

“What?” The panic hit full force again, but for an entirely different reason, protective rage and disbelief clouding his vision just at the thought of the Prince being treated like that. “Jesus- no! Of course not!”

Patton tilted his head slightly. “Then, why should you?”

“Because…” Virgil trailed off, almost certain Patton wouldn’t like any answer he came up with. His voice was small and unsure when he spoke again. “I...I deserve it?”

Patton shook his head, and Virgil wondered if he was even more annoyed at him for not understanding.

“You don’t,” he said. “You don’t deserve to be hurt any more than me, Roman, and Logan do. You’re always gonna be safe here with us, honey. Even when we fight.”

Patton looked genuinely hopeful, his hands still gently holding Virgil’s own, and even though it didn’t really make sense, Virgil found himself relaxing. Patton wasn’t going to hurt him. No one was going to hit him for this.

“Ok,” he relented. “I’m...I’m still really sorry. For- for yelling and...and slamming my door and stuff.”

“I appreciate that, kiddo,” Patton said. “And you and Roman need to talk this out when you’re ready. But first...can you tell me what happened?”

Virgil shrugged, figuring it was fairly obvious. “I was being an ass.”

Patton didn’t even correct his language, just squeezed his hand slightly and leaned forward to try and meet Virgil’s gaze. He suddenly felt like he was being read like an open book.

“You lashed out,” Patton said, and Virgil winced. “And...while it’s not an excuse, you don’t do that unless you’re already on edge. So what’s going on?”

Virgil swallowed, suddenly feeling trapped despite Patton’s gentle encouragement. “I’m just...I’m just tired and anxious. I get short tempered sometimes, you know that.”

Patton was silent, clearly waiting for him to elaborate, and Virgil had a second of blind panic when he realized he wasn’t sure what the other side wanted him to say.

Did it sound like Virgil was making excuses? Did he think he was lying? Was he expecting a different answer?

Patton sighed, but he didn’t sound annoyed or impatient, giving Virgil’s hands another gentle squeeze. “Can you tell me why the knocking matters so much to you?”

Virgil tensed, resisting the urge to pull his hands away. “It...it doesn’t.”

“It does,” Patton said. “It obviously matters a lot.”

“It doesn’t,” Virgil snapped, and- great, he was doing it again. “It- it’s dumb and selfish and I shouldn’t have yelled at Roman over it. I can- I can get over it.”

He was absolutely not going to start crying over this. He didn’t think Patton would snap and hit him over it, but he knew how obnoxious it was to listen to.

“Honey,” Patton said, in that gentle, understanding voice that could always coax Virgil out of his spiraling panic. “Can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Dammit. Patton really sounded like he cared, like nothing could convince him that it wasn’t just another one of Virgil’s useless problems that he needed to get over by himself.

Virgil groaned, pulling his hands free despite the way his chest ached at the loss of comfort, instead moving to run them through his hair.

“It...it’s just…” He closed his eyes again, deflating, suddenly too tired to keep fighting. “This- this is the first time anybody has come into my room because they wanted to. You guys- you guys want to see me when you come in here.”

Patton was watching him carefully when Virgil opened his eyes, looking a little lost but beginning to understand. He nodded, gently urging him to continue.

“Nobody...the Others never came to see me unless they...unless they were mad. And they- they didn’t bother to knock, obviously, if they were just- just going to h-hurt me. And then you and Logan knocked and- and I know it’s dumb but it just...made me feel like I had some control, you know?”

He took a shaky breath, once again refusing to meet Patton’s eyes. “When Roman kept...walking in without warning I just...forgot. I kept forgetting I was safe. The only time someone had done that was when they were...you know. It’s stupid, I know it’s stupid and I can’t expect to--”

“Kiddo no.” Patton’s hands were suddenly slipping into Virgil’s again, and where he’d expected resentment or annoyance, Virgil found only quiet concern. “It’s not stupid! Not at all. Kiddo...Virgil, why didn’t you tell us?”

Virgil shrugged again, hating how obvious his trembling had become. “Because it’s just...it’s just knocking. I shouldn’t...I can get over it, it’s--”

“It’s not just knocking to you,” Patton said. “It might be small to us, but that means it’s something we can easily do to make you feel safer, Virgil.”

“But it’s stupid!”

“It’s something you need,” Patton corrected, continuing over any halfhearted protests. “Remember what Logan said about your recovery? We’re all doing our best, but we’re gonna end up stepping all over your triggers sometimes. You don’t need to feel bad for helping us learn. You never should be afraid to ask us for something that makes you feel better.”

Virgil couldn’t bring himself to pull away from Patton this time, just miserably curled in on himself and frantically tried to think of an acceptable response. “I...I’m sorry. For turning it into a fight.”

“It’s alright,” Patton promised. “But you need to tell Roman and Logan why this is important to you, ok?”

Virgil pushed down his panic, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get out of this. “Is Roman mad?”

“Not anymore,” Patton said. “He knows he pushed you a bit, and he’s a little worked up about it. But he’ll be ok after you come down.”

“It’s not his fault. I’m the one who--”

“Placing blame isn’t important.” Patton slid off the bed, still holding Virgil’s hands, and carefully helped the anxious side to his feet. “Are you good to go downstairs? We can always wait.”

“I’m...I’m good. I need to apologize.”

Patton didn’t argue, just gave him a small smile and led them both out into the hall, hands still interlocked as they made their way down the stairs.

Logan and Roman were in the living room when they arrived, sitting in silence on the couch and clearly waiting for whatever awkward scolding was inevitably going to occur after Virgil worked up the courage to properly explain himself. Great.

“Hi,” he muttered, not sure how else to start, hesitating at the bottom of the stairs. He felt like a child, small and defenseless. “I’m...really sorry, you guys. All of you. I shouldn’t have snapped at you and- and I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t mean it.”

Virgil heard Roman sigh, tensing on instinct until he glanced up to any anger or annoyance completely drained from his expression, his posture almost relaxed.

“It’s alright, my Starry Night,” he said softly, and Virgil wanted to sob in relief. “I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive over something so silly.”

And then the relief was gone, replaced with something cold and painful, and he suddenly remembered what had made him lash out in the first place. Because it...it wasn’t silly. It mattered to him.

Luckily, he didn’t have the energy for anger anymore and Logan was speaking up before he could let himself say something stupid.

“I also feel as though I should apologize,” he said, which was not what Virgil had been expecting. “While I was only attempting to decrease the tension, it appears I may have misspoken and succeeded in doing the opposite.”

Virgil wrapped his arms around himself, trying not to dwell on the way he’d blindly snarled at Logan. “It’s fine, Lo. You didn’t do anything.”

“Still,” Logan said. “I want to make sure you are aware that it was not my intention to make any sort of comparison between you and...the people from your past. You are nothing like them, Virgil. And you never will be.”

Virgil swallowed against the lump in his throat and quickly looked away, eyes suddenly embarrassingly wet.

Roman made a sound that Virgil would have killed him for if he wasn’t suddenly so grateful for every person in this room. Even if he’d still lost the right to his privacy for however long they deemed appropriate, at least no one hated him.

“Kiddo.” Patton was suddenly putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Virgil remembered they weren’t nearly done here. “Can you please tell them what you told me? About why it’s important to you?”

Virgil thought he might actually prefer to fling himself into the sun than to admit it again, but Patton had said please and Roman was looking at him curiously, no judgment or tension to be seen.

Besides, Roman deserved to know why he’d practically been screamed at out of nowhere, as shitty of an excuse as it was.

“I still shouldn’t have yelled,” he said. “It’s just...before- before you guys, people only barged into my room if...if they were mad and didn’t want to wait until I came out to...do whatever they were gonna do to me. And I know it shouldn't be a big deal but- but when you open th-the door without knocking I just...panic. I- I forget that I don’t have to be afraid of you.”

His words were met with heavy silence, and Virgil’s legs suddenly felt weak, knees wobbling under his weight. He dug his nails into his hoodie sleeves, refusing to meet Roman’s eyes, not ready to face any scorn or disbelief.

“Virgil,” Roman said, barely a whisper. “Oh, Virgil I’m so sorry.”

What?

Roman stood from the couch, but he didn’t approach or yell or call Virgil ridiculous. His eyes were wide and he looked...distressed?

“I-I had no idea...Virgil I’m so sorry! I should never have gotten so angry with you, I...I should have just listened.”

“What?” Virgil hadn’t actually meant to speak aloud, but Roman was slowly walking forward, brimming with regret and hope as he reached for Virgil’s hands, which he numbly offered. “No, Roman don’t be- you literally couldn’t have known.”

“No, but I should have listened to you! I...I just thought...God, we always tell you to let us know how we can help you feel safe and- and I just got mad at you for it. I’m...Virgil I’m so very sorry.”

“I should have just told you.” He’d messed up. He’d messed up, he’d lost privacy privileges and he’d made Roman upset. “I- I should have known you wouldn’t be mad. I don’t know why--”

And then Roman had his arms around him, pulling him close in his familiar embrace of warmth and safety, and Virgil practically melted against his chest, returning the hug almost desperately.

“Group hug!” Patton cheered, hurrying over to join as Virgil laughed. “You too Logan!”

There was a sigh from the couch, though Virgil knew there was no real resentment from the logical side. “If I must.”

The hug only lasted a minute or two, but Virgil let himself close his eyes and relax under the knowledge that he was still safe. Even if he’d messed up, even if he still needed to be punished, they weren’t going to hurt him.

When they all pulled back, Roman lingered a moment with his hands ghosting over Virgil’s arms, smiling hopefully down at him. “Are we...good?”

Virgil matched the smile, fighting to push down any thoughts of future punishment. “We’re good, Princey.”

Patton actually clapped, grinning as he reached over to ruffle Virgil’s hair while Logan squeezed his shoulder, and Virgil was suddenly reminded that he was surrounded by the biggest dorks in the universe.

“Thank you for informing us of the trigger, Virgil,” Logan said, blunt as ever but somehow...Virgil didn’t really mind. “You deserve to have control over who enters your room, and we will all be careful to respect your privacy in the future.”

Virgil stepped back, a panicked ache returning to his chest at the reminder of what was coming. They were going to be careful in the future, which meant the world to him, but…

But he knew how this type of punishment went. He knew that he’d be suffering sleepless nights of staring into an empty hallway, always on edge and constantly looking over his shoulder, feeling miserably exposed and vulnerable.

“Virgil?” Patton asked softly, and Virgil abruptly realized how tense he’d gotten, jaw clenched tight because he refused to cry over a punishment he deserved. “You ok?”

They were all so...nice. They were so, so kind to him. Maybe...maybe they’d be a little more lenient with this too? Maybe they’d at least tell him how long it would last in advance.

“I- I know it’s kinda selfish to ask,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry, but...how- how long until I can have it back?”

His question was met with silence and blank stares, and he saw Patton frown and glance curiously at Logan, who furrowed his brow in response.

Virgil flinched, even when no one moved, because he’d just managed to repair the damage he’d done, just gotten them to stop being angry with him, and now he’d messed everything up again-

“Virgil,” Logan said slowly, and Virgil warily met his eyes. “Until you can have...what back?”

Virgil blinked and glanced briefly at the others, wondering if this was some kind of trick. But all he was met with were confused, worried stares, and he was painfully reminded of the first time he’d asked when they planned on hitting him.

“My...my door?”

He immediately regretted saying anything when Logan’s eyes went wide. “Your door?”

“Wait, you think we’re going to take your door?” Patton asked, sounding oddly alarmed. “Why on earth would we do that?”

“Because...because I have to earn privacy,” he said, like it was obvious. He sort of thought it was. “I was loud and I- I yelled. And I slammed my door, so obviously--”

“Did they do that to you?” Patton asked. “Did they...did they say you had to earn your privacy?”

“I- I mean, yeah. If I was too loud and they didn’t think I learned my lesson with...you know...the usual stuff, they’d take it down for a while.”

“Kiddo--”

“Only sometimes, though,” he added, like he needed to defend them. “They- they knew I got really on edge when I couldn’t...uh, close myself off. I- I can’t really sleep without my door, so could it...maybe only be a couple days? I promise I won’t ever--”

“We are not going to take your door,” Logan cut him off, watching Virgil with something unreadable behind his glasses. “That was yet another form of abuse, Virgil. You do not have to earn your privacy.”

“You don’t have to earn anything,” Patton jumped in. “Your door isn’t a privilege!”

Virgil shook his head, that same lost, hopelessly confused feeling returning with a vengeance. He wondered why it was always so hard for him to understand kindness. “But I thought...Roman said I had to earn my privacy, I thought--”

“What?” The Prince looked affronted, taking a startled step back. “No I didn’t! I would never imply something like that!”

“You...y-you did.” He wasn’t trying to argue, he just...didn’t understand. “You said...you said you wouldn’t respect my privacy if...if I was a jerk. After...after I yelled. I thought that meant--”

“Oh, Virgil no.”

And then Roman was pulling him into another hug, and as confusing as it was Virgil couldn’t find it in him to complain.

It only lasted a few seconds, the Prince pulling back to cup Virgil’s face in both his hands, forcing him to look Roman in the eyes.

The Prince gave an almost lopsided smile, his hold gentle. “I really need to start thinking before I speak, huh?”

“What?” Virgil couldn’t shake his head without risking dislodging Roman’s hands, only able to stare with wide eyes. “N-no, it was my fault. I’m the one who--”

“I’m the one who ignored your discomfort, Virgil. I wasn’t thinking. If anyone’s at fault here, it’s me.”

“But I--”

“I do not believe blame is important,” Logan spoke up, and Roman and Virgil quickly turned to him, the Prince’s hands dropping to his sides. “And we definitely do not need another argument over who is at fault.”

Virgil winced, hunching his shoulders even if Logan sounded more amused than annoyed. “Sorry.”

“No more apologies necessary,” Logan said. “We are all still learning to respect and understand each other. It will take some time and a lot of work, but today was a good learning opportunity. For all of us.”

Virgil didn’t quite relax yet, still reeling from the revelation that he didn’t have to worry about losing his door now or ever, and entirely unable to comprehend how today could be anything other than exhausting for everyone. “How?”

“You did really well explaining to me what was wrong,” Patton said, quickly continuing before Virgil could argue. “It took a bit of coaxing, but you’ve been taught to be scared of opening up, kiddo. That’s not gonna go away overnight.”

“But you did it,” Roman added. “You were brave, Stormcloud, and I’m proud of you. And...and now I know what you need, and why I hurt you. I...I should have realized sooner, but--”

“It’s ok,” Virgil said quickly. “It’s...it’s ok. You...you know now, right? And I- I know you won’t get mad if I tell you the truth.”

“Of course,” Roman promised. “Of course I won't be mad at you. I- I know I messed up today, but I swear to you I’ll do better next time.”

“We all will,” Logan agreed. “There will be misunderstandings and mistakes, from all of us, but they can always be worked through. You’re safe here, Virgil. That will never change.”

They...they meant it. All of them, watching him with unabashed hope and adoration, wanting him to believe them. And he did. Even when a part of him, the parts that had been hurt over and over again, screamed at him not to.

“Ok,” he said, still quiet and unsure, but steady all the same. “And I...I get to keep my door?”

He was almost afraid to ask, like maybe he’d crossed some sort of line by bringing it up again and all of their kindness would be abruptly ripped away. But Patton just smiled sadly and took his hand.

“Nobody’s gonna take your door away,” he said. “Privacy isn’t something you earn, you don’t ever need to worry about that. We won’t hit you, kiddo. But we’re not gonna take away the things you need to feel comfortable, either.”

Virgil’s throat felt tight, vision blurring as tears gathered against his will, but something loosened in his chest. “Oh.”

He felt lightheaded, far away and a bit dizzy, and he was suddenly reminded of how little sleep he’d gotten, how endless the miserable night had been.

“How about we move over to the couch?” Patton suggested, running his hand through a teary eyed Virgil’s hair. “I’ll get us some food, and you can doze off when you’d like, Virge.”

Virgil nodded, not able to do much else in the moment, smiling when Roman began to lead him over to the couch, gently rubbing his back. “Sounds good to me, Padre.”

Patton had sandwiches and chips on the coffee table in a matter of minutes- or maybe time was starting to move in a distant blur now that Virgil’s exhaustion was starting to catch up with him.

They ended up curled up together with a vaguely familiar movie in the background, Virgil rested against Roman’s side with his head on Logan's shoulder.

“Thank you.” It was nothing more than a quiet murmur, and he didn’t bother to wait for the response before shutting his eyes, letting himself drift away.

He didn’t have any more nightmares that night, waking up the next morning tucked into his bed with his bedroom door closed.

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#sanders sides #ts virgil #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #abuse tw #blood mention tw #food mention tw #sympathetic everyone #sympathetic dark sides #prinxiety #moxeity #analogical #learned behavior #fanfiction #writing

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tuffduff · 3 years

Text

Unprofessional (Axl Rose x Reader)

Pairing: fluffy modern!Axl Rose x younger!Female reader

Words: 2,139

Summary: You’re Axl’s younger personal assistant and doing his Christmas shopping for him. He appreciates all your hard work and gives you a little extra to buy something nice for yourself...for a good reason.

Taglist: @ubernoxa @the--blackdahlia @reigns420 @stradlin-cold-heartbreaker @rumoured-whispers

Explaining your job title over the years was perhaps the most difficult part of your job, not the work itself. Actually, the work was pretty fun. Spontaneous, never the same duties, and highly rewarding. But it wasn’t for everyone.

“Good morning,” you called out as you entered the large Malibu mansion that you knew every inch of.

“Y/N, sugar, that you? Hey, c’mere; you’re just in time.” You heard Axl’s voice calling you from one of the living rooms, the one with the view and Axl’s favorite grand piano.

He paused playing and smiled at you a little before he stood and silently handed you his credit card. You smiled knowingly and extended your other hand, to which he laughed.

“You already know.”

“Know that you hate Christmas shopping? Yes.”

“And that I very well can’t exactly walk around the mall casually.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” You smiled. Axl smiled back at you and you felt the familiar rush of warmth fill your heart.

“You’re damn good at it.”

Technically, you were what some would call a personal assistant. But, as the world knows, that extends itself to doing more than just boring paperwork and phone calls when you work for a celebrity. Or the most famous rock star in the world.

You had been working for Axl for years. At first, he was very combustible. Terrible mood swings and hard to please—he couldn’t keep an assistant. You never lost your patience though, and he realized he had someone that could trust in you. He told you as much. Now, he treated you like gold. You didn’t call him sir anymore, and he mainly called you sugar. Paid you more than necessary, sent flowers, sent flowers to your family, even bought you a house. In return you did everything for him; you were always by his side, day and night. Sometimes your family and friends didn’t know how you did it; Axl was your life.

Maybe you didn’t mind because you were in love with him.

Despite the age gap, you couldn’t deny the adoration he made you feel. The way he listened to you, how he remembered tiny details, how he never let anyone talk down on you. How he only really opened up to you. Your job wasn’t to fall in love with him, but how could you not? And it made work never really feel like work.

“Do you like the tree this year?” You asked him as you carefully secured his card in your wallet along with his shopping list. For some reason, he looked down.

“I love it, they did a beautiful job. But...” you frowned; Axl rarely ever complained of anything you took care of. He stepped closer to you, only inches from your face as he looked you in the eye. “I kinda miss it. Decorating it myself. You know?”

“Yeah. I can understand that.” You replied softly, before you cleared your throat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was something you would want to do.” Axl nodded a little.

“Do you have a tree at yours?” You swallowed a little.

“No. To be honest, I’m not there enough.” You both knew you stayed more at Axl’s than yours.

“Did you pick the red and gold decorations?” He asked you, turning and glancing at the sweeping tree behind the two of you.

“Yeah. Thought it matched the interior...and you.” You couldn’t help but smile and reach out to sweep his red hair off his shoulder, to which he turned back to you with a smile of his own.

“If it were really up to you though, is that what you would have picked?” You paused at his question, frowning a little.

“...I think the best decorations are the ones that are so old you have to be careful with them, or else they’ll break. Passed down for generations, all vintage and mismatched, you know?” Axl smiled at you and was silent for a long time.

“Me too.” He said before he sat down again. “Well, good luck.” You grinned at him.

“I won’t need it; you won’t even have time to miss me.” You joked, turning on your heel to leave.

“I doubt that.” You nearly stopped at Axl’s words, before he called your name. “Oh, Y/N, I almost forgot.” He pulled out a separate envelope and extended it to you. Your name was on it and he only smiled at you. “See you soon.”

Outside in the privacy of your car, you opened the envelope. There was a note with Axl’s handwriting.

Get yourself something pretty to wear out. It still won’t be as pretty as you.

You blinked at the note several times and focused in on the bottom.

Yours, Axl xxx

Even knowing how much money Axl had and how much he spent, seeing the cash behind the note still made the envelope burn in your fingertips.

Five minutes later, you were still sitting there in your car, uncertain. Axl had given you Christmas presents, of course, but nothing like this. A house, a car, many other material things, but not a note you couldn’t help but create fantasies about.

What did it even mean? Was this just another gift? Or did it mean more, did it mean...

You did your best to stop the thoughts before they started. After all, you accompanied Axl to many events and it never really meant anything. He was just being kind and generous, as always. Besides, he probably didn’t even see you in that light.

You took care of Axl’s list easy, gifts for his inner circle, workers, the few suits he cared about. The hard part now was the array of dresses you had at your disposal before you. Beautiful cocktail dresses, sparkling gowns, silky slips.

Normally, when shopping for dresses for events with Axl, you always made sure to look professional first and foremost. Nothing too low-cut and showy, nothing with thigh slits, nothing too extravagant. But now?

Yes, now. What were you going to do with now?

Coincidentally, your phone buzzed and you saw it was a text from Axl himself.

How’s it goin?

Your list is taken care of! Just trying to pick a dress now :)

You wanted to unsend your text as soon as it was gone. Had he even meant for you to buy a dress? Your heart pounded when you felt another vibration in your hand.

I’d ask for pics, but I like surprises

You nearly dropped your phone. You felt your cheeks blushing. You were helpless to stop yourself from imagining taking suggestive, racy pics for him in these dresses, sending all of them to him.

And you almost did. But your job was important and if you were misreading signs, you didn’t want to lose it all.

Finally, you settled on a gorgeous red velvet mini dress. It had long sleeves to make up for short length, a deep v-cut neckline that somehow still looked sophisticated, and a subtle sash tie around your waist that complimented your figure.

Despite how much you loved it, you couldn’t help but wonder if Axl would like it the whole way back to him.

When you arrived, the sun was setting behind the mansion, now lit in beautiful twinkling Christmas lights. You hurried inside with the various bags of gifts, as well as the dress in a garment bag slung over your shoulder.

“Y/N?” Axl called as you walked into the house. You smiled, but felt yourself turn uncharacteristically shy at the very sight of him.

“I’m back,” you said lamely, frowning a little at yourself. Axl smiled at you and you couldn’t hold his gaze.

“You were wrong, you know.”

“Sorry, what?” You choked out, feeling your heart stop.

“I did miss you.” Your heart pounded.

“Uh,” you laughed nervously, sending him another wobbly smile. “Do you want to see what I bought?” You said, turning your attention to the bags you were setting down.

“I do. Why don’t you go and put it on?” You stopped, swallowing at the sudden dryness in your throat.

“Oh, uh...I mean...” you blinked a few times. “Oh—that reminds me.” You said, quickly opening your purse and pulling out the envelope to extend back to him. “I didn’t spend all the money.”

Axl clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to go and buy another.”

“What?” He chuckled at your face. The room felt hot as he stepped closer to you, and the sound his shoes made against the granite floors suddenly made you focus on his attire. “O-oh, are you going out? I’m not making you late, am I?” Axl raised his eyebrows at you.

“Yes. We are.” You frowned at him and he sighed lightly, flicking the envelope you still had slightly extended out towards him. “Was my note not clear enough?”

Suddenly, you didn’t feel so crazy anymore, but that didn’t mean your heart wasn’t racing.

“I think...for my sake...and the safety of my job,” you smiled a little and Axl chuckled. “I think you need to be very clear with me.” He reached forward and took your free hand in his.

“Y/N, all these years there’s only been one person by my side. Through the ups and downs, not just for the spotlight. You’ve taken good care of me and never left me ever worrying about anything. And I don’t just mean the dry cleaning and appearances. When I realized you...actually just wanted to be around me because you liked the person I am, and not just the money...” he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. “And I don’t want you not by my side. I don’t want anyone else. And I never wanted to make you think I was going to use you, but honey, did you really not notice?”

“What, the gifts? The fact that I live in Malibu now? I just thought it was your nature.”

“Yes, I take care of the ones I love. That’s why I make sure you never have to want or need anything. But haven’t you noticed I never have women over? I’m never off to dates, women aren’t hanging off my shoulders anymore, people call me a lonely hermit?” You laughed a little. “It’s because there’s you. There’s a reason you’ve got your own room here; I don’t like it when you go home.”

Axl raised his hand and brushed your hair away from your face, leaving his hand against your cheek.

“I don’t either.” You murmured. “Axl…I’ve cared about you for years. But I couldn’t exactly tell you that. It would be unprofessional, but…”

“You thought about it.” He guessed. “About us.”

“Of course I did. I love doing things for you, but…I mean, of course I would love more.”

“I thought maybe the note would make everything clear.” Axl said, before he took the garment bag from your shoulder and unzipped it halfway. Red velvet met his gaze and he raised his eyes to you, a new suggestive look in his eyes as he raised an eyebrow at you. “...it looks like you got the hint, darlin’.”

“I didn’t want to assume.” You murmured, trying to fight a smile. “Girl like me can’t get her hopes up; it’s Christmas.” He grinned at you.

“That’s when miracles happen. Speaking of Christmas...” Axl said, turning and grabbing a small wrapped box from the top of the piano. “I did a little shopping of my own while you were out.” You put your hands on your hips.

“I thought that’s what I was for, and I thought we opened presents Christmas Day?”

“This one has more sentimental value.” He pressed it into your hands with a small smile. You shook your head at him as you pulled the ribbon and lifted the lid, surprised to see a small glass ornament. It was two penguins hugging wearing Santa hats, with Axl and Y/N engraved.

“Ax…” you murmured, feeling overwhelmed. Axl reached out and pulled you against him, hugging you tight and kissing the side of your head. “I…I love it.”

“Think it’s too late to start some traditions?” He asked you in your ear before gesturing to the tree before following behind you as you picked a prominent branch to put the ornament on display. “Next year, we’ll go and pick out our own tree and put up our own ornaments. But for now, why don’t you finally go and put on that dress so I can see you in it and we can get somethin’ to eat. We’re gonna need energy to wrap all of these.” He said, looking at the bags surrounding you. You smiled excitedly at him.

“You’re gonna love it.”

“Oh, I know I will. I just hope I don’t have to wait until Christmas Day to open it.”

#axl rose imagine #axl rose x reader #guns n roses #guns n roses imagine #guns n roses x reader #gnr #gnr imagine #classic rock imagine #modern!axl

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buddyfromearth · 3 years

Text

Object of Affection

For @gothamsworst because your entire penguin tag has put into me a great fire to write a sheepish significant other for him. Mind you, I haven’t written fanfiction since high school so forgive me if I get something wrong (I’m still getting into DC and my parents think it’s embarrassing because I had a lobo phase out of high school.)

Notes: confessions of love; sfw (some slight implications at the end but it cuts off because that’s not going on this blog here); aw, gee, he brought a bouquet of flowers; hey who ordered flirting because here’s some; several headcanons in one go let’s go people; I can write pretty words I just mostly refuse to in favor of making it all comics instead; idea of flirting is just walking up with a bouquet and going “marry me”; I don’t know what I’m doing I’ve never written this guy before.

EDIT: fixed some things.

Stuck between yearning for love and the fear of rejection was a difficult place to be. It was at least easier to know rejection than it was to have yearning for love going totally unanswered. Oh, what pain it was.

Oswald Cobblepot, that troublesome Penguin known about Gotham as one hell of a man to cross, was madly in love. Yes, an unfortunate feeling to have. But he couldn’t help it. Not this time, at least.

It was someone he’d seen around the lounge, lurking nearby where he’d watch the penguins. When he saw them around and was able to not make it awkward, he couldn’t help but stare at those eyes all green and deep like some dark thicket. And those venomous eyes did plenty of staring back: he could feel their gaze fixated on him whenever he was working at the lounge.

Really, though, what did he know about this crush that had taken his entire heart by a single blow? Well, he knew enough. His eyes about Gotham told him that they weren’t much of anything besides a total hermit: mostly stayed home at a ground-floor apartment in a low-rent yet slightly decent part of town (as decent as the city could be, anyway), and had everything that was needed for living delivered to their door. No car: only ever ventured out on a trike with a headlight on the front and a trunk on the back. He wasn’t even sure what they did for a living.

At the very least Oswald knew he could find them lurking around the lounge. So, that’s exactly where he went.

Of course, such an event was not something to go into completely unprepared. He pulled out a nice suit, as usual, with all the fine accoutrements he was well-known for. An umbrella in one hand and a large bouquet of bloody red roses in the other. Even went out of the way to pick out cologne, albeit he preferred not to. He wanted to make the best impression he could.

It was just that odd hour before the post-work rush. Oswald hoped he’d not come in on a wrong night. Trying not to draw too much attention, he made a long sort of awkward path over to where they usually were.

There they were, right at that surprisingly bare table he got used to passing by. There was a pencil case pushed to one side, and it sat next to a tall glass of what he thought might be soda (of course, he wasn’t about to just try it: that would be a bit too much). They were hunched over something in front of them, and their hands moved quickly with a pencil and a brush.

“Excuse me, my dear,” started Oswald, with a soft tone so as to not scare this beloved mystery away, “but is this table taking guests?”

They jumped. Oswald feared he’d gone too fast. Oh, wonderful, now he’d scared them off!

They looked up and met his eyes. What was once a terrified look behind thick glasses quickly melted into something tender and rather curious. “Oh.” Their voice had an astoundingly flat affect, hinting at an origin out in midland farming country with the slight tint to it. They cleared their throat, and moved their bag to the other side. “S-sure thing, sir, sure. Wasn’t expecting anyone to be over here tonight. Normally people only ever come over to ask for free work from me.” Their voice was soft and quiet as they spoke: an absolutely adorable sound that hit just right in his ears. He could listen to it talk forever.

“Excellent.” Oswald sat down directly next to them, putting the umbrella to rest on the seat beside him.

Their face quickly changed colors. It went from a sickly pale in the lowlight to being absolutely taken over with blush. “R-right, s-sure. Please, forgive me for asking, but haven’t I seen you around here before?”

“Of course you would have seen me here before,” said Oswald, rolling his eyes slightly. “I own this lounge, after all.”

“Oh, I…” They stopped for a moment, and their mouth was slightly agape as they appeared to slowly mentally register the weight of the situation. Then their eyes shot wide open and they gave up a nervous smile with chattering teeth. “M-Mr. Cobblepot, sir. I-I-I didn’t think I was something you’d… well, y’know, actually come over to see?”

“Quite the contrary,” said Oswald, moving in closer and putting an arm around their shoulder. “You’ve captured my attention with how much you care about my darlings. I see you in here and I can’t help but wonder if you’re some kindred soul.” He gestured just slightly over at the centerpiece of the lounge, the namesake iceberg with a whole group of penguins he often spent hours watching on his days off.

They looked over to where he gestured, and then they nodded quickly. The nervousness quickly got itself out of that smile, and their entire posture melted into one of repose. “Your penguins, right. Right, the penguins! Of course! They’re so cute: little communal flipper birds that just waddle around and honk and preen all day.” They sighed and smiled, leaning forward and putting their head to rest in their hand. “What I wouldn’t give for a life so carefree.”

Oswald immediately had a few ideas come to mind. Oh, he could take care of that: he could just bring them into his life and get them out of that awful apartment, pamper them with anything and everything they could ever want. Ask them to move in with you. Ask them for a date. Ask them to share a drink. No, no, no, that’s all too fast! Play it slowly: perhaps they’ll melt into your arms if you go ahead just right.

“How often are you around here, hm?” Oswald looked over from behind his monocle at this mystery figure that had caught his attention and proceeded to hold it in a vice-like grip, taking a moment to look at what he was dealing with. Their figure was mostly obscured by big, bulky articles of clothing, but what could be made out was all thick and rolled together like some haphazard cake stacked up far too high for its own good. It was very easy to look at. “You seem to know enough about my precious little birds.” “Perhaps a bit too much” was a phrase he wanted to add, but he wasn’t about to murder this feeling.

“I don’t really drink alcohol. I only really come here to draw the iceberg and all the penguins,” said the mystery crush. “They’re so fun to smush together with their little shapes. Their little flippers are so cute. And their little feet are surprisingly complex once you get past all the flub and feathers.”

Oh, one of those artist types. Wait, artist type. Artist. Oh, this could be good: this could actually be really good for several different reasons! Not just the romantic pursuit reason, either: perhaps their passion for the arts would include, somewhere in there, a passion for him.

“I see.” Oswald reached for the pad of paper they were so vigilantly guarding and said, “I can’t help but have a look at someone’s work regarding my darlings.”

A sickly pale hand with chewed-down nails shot over and clamped in on Oswald’s wrist. “Just a second there, Mr. Cobblepot. You have to promise me something first.”

“Anything, my sweet, anything.”

“Don’t tell anyone what you see in this book. It’s a lot of… well, it’s… bad.”

“Oh, I will most certainly be the judge of that.” Oswald picked up the book, and then handed them the bouquet in return. “Here, something for you to hold in the meantime.”

Noting their shocked expression as they carefully took the bouquet in their arms, Oswald began to slowly browse through the contents of the book.

What they had said was indeed true: there were a lot of penguins in there. They were doing all sorts of things: preening their coats, honking, spread out on their stomachs staring at each other, ambling across the ice. They were all partway realistic, but there was some sort of fantastical flair to them. It was cute: just like them.

While flipping through the pages, though, he couldn’t help but notice other pieces. Things like the name of the lounge written out in poster type pieces with his penguins and their little iceberg on it. There was, undeniably, a unique work of a penguin in a suit like his. Curious, he turned the page.

And what he saw there surprised him greatly.

It was not only drawings of patrons with little notes about time scrawled around them that occupied the pages, but there were drawings of him as well. Little notes here and there about the things he’d wear, the way he’d talk, and the way he moved. Around one particular piece underlaid with purple markings was a portrait of him smiling: the note around this piece said “Handsome guy but who?” It was surrounded by little scribbled hearts.

Oswald, in his stroke of peacock vanity that got to him every now and again, turned his head slightly as he was gently urged by these things. “I see that you draw more than birds.”

The mystery crush looked over. They caught a look of what pages he’d come to and they grimaced before sighing and hiding their face in their hands. “Sorry about that. I-I draw people a lot, just to stay aware of how to do it.”

“It seems you’ve become quite taken with me in these intimate studies,” said Oswald, casting a rather tempered gaze and a matching grin over at the object of his affections as he handed back the book. “I must admit, I came here tonight thinking you wouldn’t reciprocate the feelings that brought me to you in the first place.”

“Oh, wow, feelings?” The mystery crush smiled and chuckled ever so softly, rubbing their hand along the back of their neck as they took the book and put it back on the table. “Goodness gracious, Mr. Cobblepot, I didn’t expect a gentlemanly type like yourself to be the romantic type.”

“Oh, but isn’t a gentleman always the romantic type?” Oswald, emboldened by such a soft response, couldn’t help but to pull them in closer. When they began to blush again, he grinned and pressed a gloved finger to their nose. “I can’t exactly help it. And please, just call me Oswald.” He then picked up one of their hands and pressed a single, fervent kiss to it.

“Ah, uh, I guess so,” said the mystery crush, “mister… oh, right, Oswald. Right, first name basis now.” Their face was getting hotter by the minute, and they began to stammer over all their words as they put the bouquet on the table. “I, uh… would, would you be offended if I asked you something kinda personal?”

Oswald could already picture several personal questions and perfect little answers to go along with them. He nodded and held their hands in his. “Oh, but of course, my dear: anything you ask for, you’ll get it from me.”

“Oh.” The mystery crush nodded, their glasses falling down their face in the meantime. When Oswald reached up and pushed them back to their previous position, they cleared their throat and quickly stammered out, “If you feel so strongly about me, would you mind if I moved in? I, uh… they hiked the rent on my place again and I have to find a new one before the end of the month. Don’t make enough.”

“Would I mind? Of course not, dearest bird, of course not. I have far too many places that need a colorful touch like yours. You can come with me tonight, if it pleases you, my dear.”

“You don’t have to be so heavy-handed with all the compliments.”

“Oh, but I believe you deserve every last one of them.”

“You’re far too kind.” The mystery crush sighed. “I hate to tell you this now, after all those compliments and affectionate talk, but I’m kind of a handful, I’m… look, I’m trans and if you’re not into a guy like me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m- I’m sorry. We can just go away from this table and never speak about this again. It… it’ll be fine if we do that.”

“Oh, now you just listen to me.” Oswald put his hands to the mystery crush’s face and leaned it over so they were looking at him. “I don’t rightly care about whether you’re trans or not, and I’ll fund that for you so you can be happy. You’re just far too pretty of a kindred spirit to be left so alone in such a big city.”

“I…” The mystery crush looked baffled. They froze for a moment or two, and Oswald wondered if he had said too much. After a long silence, they sighed and smiled so big and soft that it couldn’t help but bring him to smile as well. “Wow. Thanks.”

“Oh, you’re ever so welcome, my dear.” Oswald pressed his face up to theirs and quickly asked, “May I?”

“May you… oh, right. Right! Yes, you may, Oswald. You most certainly may!”

With that, Oswald couldn’t help but press a kiss to their lips. Their lips were slightly chapped, and he couldn’t help but nuzzle his face just slightly against theirs in some affectionate attempt to bring intimacy to such a moment. This move, while unexpected at first, was quickly reciprocated as their hands took hold of his shoulders.

Oswald pulled away with a troublesome little grin spread across his lips, and the object of all those affections smiled like this sort of intimacy was brand new to them. “I can’t help but wonder what your name is.”

“Look, my name is…” They stopped for a moment, but then they smiled and just said, “Call me Lou for now. I can’t think of a name that belongs to me.”

“Then let’s find that out together.” Oswald took his umbrella up and moved to stand, offering his hand to Lou. “Come, I can have a crew bring your things to our home tomorrow. Tonight, we shall simply be enamored little lovebirds.”

Lou laughed. Their laugh sounded like the call of a bird, with its dragged-out syllables and its pitch. They snorted just slightly as they packed up their things. “You’re very honest, Oswald. I like that. I like that a lot.”

“What’s a little honesty between significant others?” Oswald smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

Lou put their bag back on their shoulders and put their hand in Oswald’s as they stood up. They weren’t much taller than him, and those assumptions he had made about their figure were correct. “It’s a lot. Let’s go.”

Oswald only put his arm around them as the two gently went hand-in-hand to where his driver waited.

“What are the plans for this evening, Oswald?”

“Oh, I do believe I have a few ideas beginning to come to be. Just you be patient, my sweet, I’ll tell you when we’re alone.”

#writing #gothamsworst #not going into the tags #too embarrassing and self-inserty for the tags #gave the guy a different name too #just so it's not too self-inserty #I don't like getting rude comments about self-inserting #my writing

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