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#crack / shitposts.
bisexualvader · 1 month
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what my notifs look like currently
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incorrectbatfam · 29 days
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Bruce is constantly asking the kids what they like to eat so he can freeze dry their favorites into oblivion as apocalypse rations
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vildo · 4 months
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gay people never flirt normally it's always gotta be shit like this
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pesky--dust · 5 months
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the "diagnosis" Chilton gave Will during his trial was the one closest to the truth ("Will Graham has never been diagnosed. He won't allow anyone to test him. He has carefully constructed a persona to hide his real nature from the world. He wears it so well, even Jack Crawford couldn't see past it. (...) There is not yet a name for whatever Will Graham is.")
unlike Alana Bloom or Jack Crawford, he saw what a manipulator Will was and that in front of them he played a poor, confused, wounded bird ("(...) A particularly-manipulative one at that. Poor, confused, wounded bird for Agent Crawford and Doctors Lecter and Bloom. And for me, well, I get the psychopath's triumvirate: charm, focus and ruthlessness. The charm, of course, being debateable.")
he believed Will that Hannibal may be the Chesapeake Ripper and said Jack Crawford: "Hannibal once served me tongue and made a joke about eating mine. It's hard not to at least consider it.". Jack ignored him. (I think Jack was already planning some large-scale action against Hannibal, but that's a topic for another post)
he called Dr Lecter "Hannibal the Cannibal"
he understood that Will Graham was alive because Hannibal Lecter liked him that way
criticized Jack for letting Will and Hannibal get closer to each other and then leaving Will alone ("You dangle Will Graham and now you cut bait. You are letting Hannibal have him hook, line and sinker.")
when Jack expressed hope that the relationship between Hannibal and Will was one of those friendships that ends after the disemboweling, Chilton told him: "I would argue, with these two, that's tantamount to flirtation. Will is going to lead you right to him." and let's be real, he was right.
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sillylittlestan · 7 months
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Serving “going to church with your friend’s family after a sleepover” realness:
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hannibard · 28 days
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Behind every gay person is a gayer, more evil gay person, and a little off to the side is a social worker inside a horse.
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thedarkmongoose · 10 months
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devildomangel · 18 days
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MC who was sad that they didn't get to see the Solar Eclipse so Beel and Belphie decided to recreate it for them.
-MC, wearing sunglasses and sitting outside the HOL-
Lucifer: MC! What in the nine circles are you doing out here?
MC: I'm watching the eclipse.
Lucifer: We don't even have a sun in the devildom
MC: Shhh! It's starting!
Beel, Wearing a cardboard cut out of the sun: *Standing still*
Belphie: *Wearing a cardboard cut out of the moon, passes by Beel*
MC: Hell yeah
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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cosmicstarlatte · 1 year
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Diavolo: Do you have representation?
Mammon: I call upon my lawyer MC!
MC: My client is innocent!
Diavolo (pinching MCs cheek): Of course he is, case dismissed!
Lucifer: Lord Diavolo there's crisp clean video of Mammon stealing from-
Diavolo (petting & cuddling MC): MC said he's not guilty, so he's not. What's so hard about that?
Lucifer: MC do you handle murder cases?
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bgthree · 15 days
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Shadowheart, unblinking, staring at Tav across the campfire because everyone knows they snuck off with Astarion after the tiefling party last night: does fucking a vampire count as necrophilia?
Everyone: *freezes*
Gale: *drops his big spoon into the breakfast pot, spattering some on Lae’zel*
Wyll: *startled coughing fit*
Halsin: *genuinely considering the question*
Karlach: *whispering to Wyll* what is necrophilia? does that mean, like, a thing about necks, or what…?
Tav: I…I think I need to go lie down.
Astarion, returning from his morning hunt a few moments later, emerging from the woods and taking in the strained camp-mosphere: why is everyone being weird? who died?
Lae’zel, still angrily cleaning herself off: you
Gale: *drops his spoon again, seconds after successfully fishing it out the first time*
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bisexualvader · 1 month
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hopeluna · 4 months
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Belphie at Diavolo's parties: this place is so fancy, I don't know which fork to kill myself with
Asmo: the fork on your right.
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twistedappletree · 3 months
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ollyvoile · 9 months
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The yellow flash
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hannibard · 12 days
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Interesting how all three ships my blog is centered around have this dynamic huh
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