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ptergwen · 3 years

Text

warmer than cuddles

w/c: 2.4k

warnings: may plays matchmaker and makes some suggestive jokes

prompt: you and peter get caught in the rain and have to share an umbrella

a/n: thank youuu to the angel who requested <3 swear this is my favorite trope to write hehe ☔️

one of the many things you and peter have in common is being lazy. it’s sort of the basis of your friendship. you’re not the kids who drink or party or get in trouble. you play board games and eat pizza on his ripped up couch. the riskiest thing you’ve ever done is sneak into a movie.

peter was so paranoid you’d get caught, he couldn’t even pay attention. he kept whispering to you about paying the whole time. you had to drag him out by his hand after the movie ended. the next time you went to that theater, he bought an extra ticket to “make it even.”

that about put an end to your trying new things phase. you went right back to your comfy nights in pajamas. tackling each other for the remote, baking terrible cookies that you just throw out, sharing a blanket to stay warm. what also helps is that you cuddle under it.

all the fun you need is you, peter, and your love for doing nothing. may disagrees.

she’s always trying to get you two out of the apartment. in her words, it’s “unhealthy for developing teens to spend so much time cooped up inside.” peter once asked which mother’s facebook group she joined. you snickered at that. may gave you a warning look.

well, you don’t have a choice to stay in today. she’s kicking you and peter out because she has guests coming over.

“it’s girl’s night,” may tells the two of you with a satisfied smirk. she hangs her raincoat on the rack and comes into the living room. peter squints his eyes at her. “you have friends?” he sounds too surprised for your liking. you flick his arm hard enough to make him go “ouch!”

“peter, we only have, like, four friends. that’s counting ourselves,” you inform him with a laugh. peter drops his head onto your shoulder. “and i don’t need any of them but you,” he says sarcastically, rubbing his cheek on your sweatshirt. “aw, i know,” you coo and rest your head on his. may crosses her arms and shrugs.

“you should do a group play date with everyone! i haven’t heard from ned in a while,” she suggests, your eyes flicking over to peter. he’s biting back a grin. “play date?” you try to stifle a laugh when you ask. “you know what i mean. a hang out,” may nods at her better word choice. peter winces in protest.

“eh, ned will probably wanna go out somewhere. we don’t do that,” he tells may, like that’s a completely normal thing for a teenager to say. you raise a finger in agreement. she laughs in disbelief at you and peter. you’re splayed out on the couch, on a saturday, complaining about doing anything else.

“you two make me feel young.” may’s words are a joke, but her tone isn’t. “you are young, may,” you reassure her and smile a little. peter says nothing. his eyes become hooded as he settles into you more. “look at you two, like some old married couple,” may gestures to you from where she’s standing. she smiles this time.

peter’s face gets hot from the mention of you being a couple. your heart skips a couple of beats. you’re pretty sure he can tell from how close he is.

“do whatever you want, just not here,” she gets back to the real conversation. peter hides his entire face in your shoulder as a form of protest. you pat his back. “and not each other. unless you’re safe,” may adds. “may, please. no,” he groans out, positive he’s all red now. you blink at her in horror.

may knows what she’s doing. peter isn’t the most subtle person, especially not about liking someone. she’s learned all the signs that her nephew is falling. he’s falling for you. she sees it in you, too. the way your eyes soften when they meet peter’s, how fast you are to hug him back or beam at the silly things he says.

you two spend so much time apart from your other friends, you basically are a couple. you’re just not old or married. the only thing you need is a push to realize that.

“ok, we’re gonna go now,” peter decides and pulls away from you. “god bless,” you say only so he can hear. he chuckles at that, you getting up from the couch. giving him a knowing smile, you grab one of his hands. he lets you pull him to his feet while exhaling. he’s already exhausted. may watches and shakes her head.

peter walks up to give her a quick hug. “enjoy girl’s night. love you,” he murmurs as she squeezes him tight. even though they tease each other a lot, their relationship is really sweet. it’s very telling how a guy treats his mother. well, aunt in this case. that thought has always been in the back of your mind.

“have fun!” you grin at may when her and peter pull apart. he comes back over to you and tugs on your sleeve. “thanks, kids. we’ll be done around eleven,” she lets you know. you’re already getting your shoes on and ready to leave. eleven is a while from now.

“don’t forget an umbrella! it’s drizzling!” may calls after you two. peter grabs hers that’s leaning against the front door. it’s pink with purple polka dots. you giggle at that. “hey, i like pink,” he defends himself and opens the door, letting you out first. you raise your hands in defense, leaving the apartment.

peter waves at may one last time. “good luck, peter,” she tells him once you reach the stairs. he furrows both eyebrows. “good luck with what?” “you’ll see,” may raises her own eyebrows in a way that’s all too familiar to peter. he calls it her face of wisdom.

still confused, peter heads out. he finds you at the bottom of the stairs. you shove your hands in your pockets and push against the door to open it. peter meets you outside, twirling the umbrella between his fingers.

“is there anywhere you wanna go?” he asks as you start to walk. you’re just going down the block for now. “back upstairs,” you sigh out. “i wish. not an option, though,” peter puffs some air out of his cheeks. you fumble to pull up your hood. he easily reaches over and does it for you.

“thanks,” you say quietly. “you’re welcome,” peter pats the top of your head for emphasis. “we could just walk around.” “until eleven o’clock? that’s five hours from now,” you laugh out, adjusting your hoodie to block your face. disappointment crosses over his features.

“should’ve brought my suit,” he mutters mostly to himself. linking your arm with his, your eyes widen. “i’m not trusting you to swing me around in this weather.” his bicep flexes when your arm wraps around his own. “what? i’ve done it before, y/n/n. on patrol.” you turn your head towards him.

“didn’t you get hurt last time?” you already know the answer. “sprained wrist and a few cuts,” he grumbles, you humming because you’re right. he’d called you in tears when he got home, scared he broke something. you reminded him he would heal soon and stayed on the phone until he calmed down.

that ended up being the whole night. you’re probably the most supportive of peter being spider-man. you of course worry about the toll it takes, but you understand why he does it. the least you can do is be there for him while he navigates the superhero world. not talk him out of it or scold him for making mistakes, be there.

that’s why he loves his lazy days with you so much. they’re his break, his escape from what he lies awake worrying about most nights. you’ve seen what he has to go through, so you respect that. whatever he needs to do to unwind is fine by you. as long as you get to do it with him.

“then you couldn’t patrol for weeks. you could barely hold a pencil.” your other arm sneaks around his. they’re both hugging him now. “you had to be my note taker,” peter reminisces, a smile making its way onto his face. “that sucked, man. you’re such a perfectionist about them,” you breathe out.

peter flips the umbrella around in a show-off kind of way. “you don’t complain when i send them to you.” he sounds so cocky you can’t help but roll your eyes. he isn’t wrong, though. “whatever. seriously, where should we go?” “uh,” peter’s eyes scan the block for inspiration. they land on a man carrying takeout.

“dinner? not at a restaurant since we’re in sweats,” he adds the last part so you don’t have to. “ooh, let’s go to panera,” you happily squeeze his arm. peter quirks an eyebrow at you. “you’re always hungry after.” “so? we can get dessert, too. we have a while.” that makes his heart flutter. a while with you.

“cool, cool, cool,” he sings to you, leaning into your side as you walk. you giggle and push at his shoulder. “i think we can make it there before the rain picks up.” there’s a clap of thunder right after he says that, like something out of a movie. it’s followed by a heavier rain coming down on you two. you pull at the strings of your hoodie to keep it tighter on your head.

“jinxed it,” you remark, both of you stopping so peter can open the umbrella. “ugh,” he grunts out. his lower lip is between his teeth while he undoes the velcro. he pushes down and watches as the umbrella springs open for you two. “here, c’mere,” peter welcomes you under as he holds it above your heads.

it doesn’t quite fit you both since it’s only meant for one person. you forgot he took may’s. the two of you have to squish together so you can avoid the rain, which is pitter pattering down hard on the sidewalk.

you’re comfortable under here with him. the freezing cold weather outside of the umbrella is hardly an issue anymore.

peter turns to face you, letting out a breathless laugh. “you can take off your hood now.” your arms slip from around his. you remove it from your head and give him a toothy grin. it’s one that’s meant to be over exaggerated. “there’s that pretty face,” peter’s voice gets quieter. unlike what you did, that wasn’t a joke.

your pretty face loses its smile. you’re suddenly very aware of how close peter is to you.

you can see the faint scar on his chin from when he banged it into a wall in your living room. he’d ran straight into it during your two person game of hide and seek. yes, you still play that. it was gushing blood for half an hour.

there are also the thousands of freckles dotting his face, the ones you only notice by looking at him super hard. you try to count them whenever you get bored. peter stares back at you while you fall in love with every tiny detail about him.

he takes the time to admire your lips, not just because they look really kissable right now. because of every curious expression they press into when he does something you can’t believe. your eyes, that he feels a sense of safety and honesty and familiarity every time he looks into. he finds them and feels like he’s home.

“peter?” you speak up after a few moments. your tone is hesitant, as if whatever you’re going to ask will change what you have forever. that’s because it might. it’s silent except for the sound of the rain hitting his umbrella. peter finally answers, almost in a whisper. “yeah?”

“i... i think,” you clear your throat before going on. his eyes trail down to your lips again, then back up to your twinkling ones. even on a gloomy day like this, they could light up the whole sky. “i think i love you,” you get out, a hand over your racing heart. peter gives you a small but sure nod. “i think i love you, too.”

he takes a step closer to you, if that’s even possible. his hand without the umbrella comes up to hold your cheek. you watch as he uses his thumb to wipe away a few stray rain droplets. your head tilts to the side, lips parted on instinct. peter leans in until his lips just brush yours, letting you decide what comes next.

you choose to close the space between you two. his eyes squeeze shut, whole face scrunched up when he kisses back. this is a release of all the emotions he’s been holding in that he didn’t even realize he had. you slip into a rhythm, using the angle to move your lips against peter’s.

his hand drops from your cheek to your jaw to support you while you kiss. your own hands grab his biceps, fingers pressing into him, depesrate to have him in your arms. peter lets out a content sigh against your lips before detaching them. it’s not for long. he comes right back in after taking a breath.

you get one long peck from him, then another that’s softer than the last. you give him a short kiss back, lips curving into a smile when this one ends. peter’s thumb smooths over your jawline while he searches for your eyes. he grins at you and tightens his grip on the umbrella handle. he’s surprised it didn’t blow away in the midst of your mini makeout.

“i definitely love you, peter,” you state so genuinely, hands on his shoulders now. that has to be peter’s favorite sentence he’s ever heard. the most beautiful combination of words, said by you to him. “i definitely love you, y/n,” peter agrees, punctuating his statement with one last kiss. you haven’t stopped smiling when his lips meet the corner of yours.

may was right about two things that night. you needed the umbrella for that huge storm, but it did more than protect your from the rain. it also brought you and peter together in a way. the second thing she was right about was that peter loves you, and every feeling he has mirror yours for him.

actually, she was right about three things. you two have to get out of the apartment more often.

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witchlyboo · 3 years

Text

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taglist:

@eridanuswave @cjand10 @deluxeplanteater @rorodendra @navs-bhat @coxxxxxpi @leviosatothestars

Thanks for all the love and support, if you have opinions, suggestions, or want to be part of the tag list (Or don’t want to be part anymore) let me know, I appreciate every message.

#ben hardy imagine #michael b jordan fc #tom holland x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #pedro pascal #logan lerman fc #definitely maybe #fluff #angst #timothee chalamet #Tom Holland #Ben Hardy

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thequeenb · 3 years

Text

Come Back

This is part 3 of the series because its highly requested. Part 1 and 2 are here for you to read.

I watched Poppy get out of the limo gracefully as she has always been. She was perfect in every way, people here aren't used to this type of women. From head to toe she was beautiful, from the way her hair fell to her shoulders to the way she was standing, eyes looking at me intently.

Everyone was stunned but i am not surprised. Charlie gasps as she takes my hand in hers tagging me away from the crowd. My eyes are lost in hers, just like every movie everything stops. My heart is pounding but I can't quite know how i feel. As Charlie pushes me away from her i can see the disappointment all over her perfect features

Why she follow me? Why is she here? How did she know i was here? And most importantly what do i do now? Before my mind start overthink Charlie looks at me worried

"I am sorry this is all my fault i thought it was a celebrity i didn't knew it was your ex"

Right my ex. Is this the right word? I cant quite tell to be honest. We have been through so much that we didn't had time to label our relationship nor we had to. I felt anger when the painful pictures came back in my mind. If our relationship meant even a little bit to her why would she let us fall apart?

I frown and Charlie hugs me tight without another word. She always knew what to do and how to read my eyes. Her hand draws small circles on my back and i take a deep breath

"This wasn't your fault. I am surprised she even knows where Farmsvile is" my bitter chuckle fills the air "i always wanted to take her here, show her the real world without any masks covering our every decision"

Charlie listens to me like always. I miss Zoe though, she is as supportive as her but she always knew the New York world better than Charlie

"Why do you think she is trying to find you?"

I bite my lip in thought wanting the answer to this question but for now its unknown

"Well i blocked her number..her instagram, her Twitter account, her Facebook account her-"

"Woah there" Charlie says laughing "you are such a drama queen no wonder the big city treats you well"

"I wish it did, so many things changed so fast. The way i dress, the way i think, the way i make decisions, everything" i hide my face in my hands unable to get a hold of my emotions

"Well you better make a fast decision because miss Barbie is coming our way right now" i quickly fix my hair and wipe my tears not wanting Poppy to see how hurt i am

She approaches carefully and so sure of herself but knowing her i sense the hesitation in her expression.

"Could we have some privacy?" Poppy asks and Charlie gives me the "should i kill this bitch" look. I nod reassuring her its fine

"If you hurt her more i will throw you to the pigs" Charlie says giving Poppy a sharp look before walking away

Poppy mutters something under her breath, probably something like 'gross' or 'ew'. She is hesitant to sit next to me but I don't mind it. Taking a deep breath i try to not cry

"Look Bea, i won't waste your time because you already hate me but everything you saw has a story behind them" her expression changes, i am sure she replay the events and honestly so do i. The difference between us is that she feels sadness and i am blinded by rage

"Oh i am sure it does. I will make a guess and say that you used me all this time and i was just a puppet in your stupid game" i stand up unable to be close to her

"Oh please what would i gain from you? Being with a farmer girl isn't exactly appealing to any advantage" she stands up too, her eyes a wild fire ready to spread

A farmer girl..not appealing. Bravo Poppy, break my heart a little bit more

"Wow really? Last time i checked a farmer girl made you feel loved, a farmer girl took you to nice places and a farmer girl held you while you complained about your family!!" I raise my voice even though i have all the right reasons, still i can see how surprised she is by it

"I could have anyone i want if i snap my fingers but i tried to protect you i never wanted Carter-"

"Oh really?? The what the fuck is this pic Poppy?" I shove my phone in her face and i can see clearly her anger building in

"You don't understand, i am stupid i even came to this disgusting place to find you" she grabs her bag fixing her hair trying to make a dramatic exit

"Oh seriously? Well i am sorry this doesn't meet your standards i am sure you enjoy the city where nobody gives a shit about you or use you for your name" i grab my bag too and this time i walk away without looking back

Suddenly i stop my tracks but i don't turn around to face her "And to think i wanted to show you where i grew up" thats all i say before my tears fell from my eyes. I change my pace going faster in hope she would chase me but she doesn't.

The fresh air hits my face and i feel safe knowing nobody will judge me here. Walking a little further i finally arrive home where a familiar smell greets me. My mother is making my favourite food, father is feeding the chickens and Charlie waits for me on the porch

I put a fake smile on my face as i approach "well that went better than i thought" sarcasm was always my way to cope with my emotions

"You will share the details later right now we should eat the stew while its hot come on!" Charlie leads me inside the house and it feels good to be surrounded by welcoming faces

The day passes fast and i jump in my bed. I am so exhausted, who knew dealing with my emotions would be so tiring. Before i close my eyes i check my phone in hope Zoe texted me but i know she is busy. I close my eyes hoping the pain will stop and the new day will start better.

The sun hits my face and i groan in annoyance when i hear a knock at my door.

"Sweetheart should i come in?" My mother comes inside my room and i sit up trying to understand why she woke me up at..8:00 in the morning?? Ugh a girl cant get her beauty sleep

She sits beside me cupping my face in her hands. I missed her touch, she always made me feel better about myself and my problems no matter how sad i was feeling

"You have visitors outside waiting for you but i was adviced to not let you look through the window" my mother chuckles "now get ready they waited long enough"

I smile putting all my energy into getting out of my warm bed "fine fine only because i know Charlie will want to do something crazy"

I get dressed and run downstairs. I open the door only to be greeted by Charlie and.. Poppy??

"Goodmorning Princess i am sorry to wake you up so early but we have cows to milk" Charlie winks at me but my attention falls to Poppy who's wearing a simple T shirt and..boots? What is happening?

"Don't look at this city snob like that it took me 1 hour to convince her to wear these"

Poppy rolls her eyes but i laugh, its a once in a lifetime opportunity to see her this way, ah how i would love to take a picture and post it everywhere

"Show me your world" Poppy says giving me a small smile and for the first time i can see all the effort she put for me. I mean the outfit says it all, and the one and only Min SinClair will do farm work? Now thats some change

"I chuckle walking towards the farm "Well then show me how sorry you are" i say throwing a bucket at Poppy who looks at it in disgust

"I swear Hudges if you-" but Charlie push her in time and honestly this is the best sight ever. Poppy pouts but bites her tongue

"Lets go city girl show me what you got" Charlie and i laugh and surprisingly Poppy joins as she hides her face on my shoulder

"I missed you" she whispers only for me to hear and i smile letting my bad thoughts on the side for once seeing where this will take me. I hold her closer as we walk into the sunrise ready to share a piece of myself with her.

Tag list: @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @aiswood @alexlabhont @dopeyouth @tyrils-star @alexroyard @uselesslesbianfr @wolfietheduckyou @somin-yin

#queen b poppy #poppy x mc #poppy min sinclair #queen b #pb choices #choices fic #choices #pb #choices stories you play #playchoices #queen b mc

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enchantedblackrose · 3 years

Text

Flesh Wounds & Somedays

Jay Halstead/Reader

¡!Warnings: Infant abduction/kidnapping. SIDS. Violence against women. Swearing. Fluffy ending.

Still unedited, hoping to have the nice version up soon. Sorry in advance! Happy New Year's Eve, everyone! Please be safe ❤

Upon exiting the very stereotypical "mom van" you're greeted with harsh Chicago air stinging your face and it instantly makes your eyes water. You hastily blink back the tears though it's fruitless. Instead you pull the knit hat you're wearing further down your head and pull your scarf tighter. You keep the door open, huddling near the inside of the vehicle. Anything to stay warm. You scan the parking lot for any sign of your suspect. Anxiety starts setting in. It doesn't matter how long you've been doing this. The moments leading up to a confrontation always send your stomach plummeting

"Easy now," Jay, sporting the store employee smock, whispers as he rolls a grocery cart by, indicating to your foot mindlessly tapping against the cement. Immediately you stop. You give him a small smile. He winks in response. You pretend to dig around in your purse, anything to give the impression you're distracted when in reality all your senses are in overdrive.

Voight's voice barks your last name through your strategically placed com. "Suspect approaching from the east. You know what to do. Everyone else, stand down for now! We don't wanna spook him."

You open the back passenger door before closing the driver's. Your fingers work quickly at unfastening the baby from the seat. You then drape a blanket over the baby for protection against the cruel elements.

It's subtle, but you cannot ignore the feeling you're being watched. The reality is you are. Your whole team is looking out for you. But this is something different entirely, something sinister. You suppress a shudder. Securing the blanket once more, you hoist the baby from the carseat and hold the infant against your chest. With a push of a button, the passenger door slides shut. You fiddle with the keys, making sure the van locks before tossing them in your purse.

You coo at the little bundle snuggled against your chest. Your steps deliberately appear hurried.

And that's when he emerges from a dark blue conversion van parked one whole row over. You spot him out of the corner of your eye and he is unmistakably walking towards you. But you stick to the plan. Your pace slows just barely, not wanting your target to sense the change. You also don't want to actually reach the store entrance and potentially bring harm to the public even with Al and Ruzek inside.

He suddenly appears in front of you, eyes frantically dart around before resting on you. He's disheveled. clothes are wrinkled and slightly stained. His greasy, unwashed black hair is plastered to his head. He smiles which unnerves you. But you return it anyway. His grin disappears. "Give me that baby. And you won't get hurt...much" He removes his right hand from his coat pocket and you notice the blade he's gripping. That's new, you think to yourself. He's growing desperate. Still, you have to get him to attempt an attack or abduction.

"No!" You pull the baby impossibly closer to you. "Leave or I'm gonna yell for help." The threat is feeble on purpose but still seems to evoke rage inside the man.

He lunges at you. His body weight sends you stumbling but you remain on your feet. He wildly pulls at your arms and at the baby, trying to break your grasp. He swings his left arm and his fist perfectly catches your eye.

"Son of a bitch!" You cry. Your foot slams onto one of his and you use that moment to headbutt him square on his chin. He lets out a primal scream before sticking the blade into your upper thigh and you can't help but yelp in pain. He tugs the baby out of your arms. The blanket drops to the ground.

You watch the changing expressions dance across his ugly face: anger, elation at his success, confusion.

"What the hell?"

It's the opening you need. Your weapon is drawn on him. "That's right, you stupid son of a bitch. The baby's fake. Chicago PD! Get down, face down."

Still in his stupor, he obeys. You kick the blade away just as Antonio and Jay come running from opposite directions. Antonio searches and mirandizes him. You return your gun to its inside waistband holster.

As your adrenaline begins to slow, you feel exactly how much pain you're in. It's evident that your eye has started to swell and there's a throbbing sensation in your thigh. You stagger a bit, but a pair of strong arms steady you.

He sighs and you look at Jay. "Don't start," you warn.

"I should have been there. I ended up carrying groceries for this old lady..." Guilt is written all of his handsome features.

"Did she tip you?" You joke, but he stares at you. "Stop. We knew this might happen. He had to attack me." The rest of the team appears and Jay drops his voice to a whisper.

"Yeah, attack like come at you, not actually harm you." He looks as if he's about to argue more when the sound of tires squealing interrupts.

You flash concern. "He wasn't alone." Your eyes meet those of your colleagues.

Voight breaks the silence. "Antonio, get that piece of garbage out of here.Halstead, get her to Med. The rest of you let's head back." You open your mouth to protest, but Hank won't even let you get a word in. "That leg's gonna need stitches. Now go." He stares at you until you move. Jay lends his support as you gently lean into him. It's not as needed as it is comforting.

You were seen and stitched in no time; the wound to your thigh was mostly superficial. Your swollen eye, which was now bruising, was being iced. You would have left Med sooner if your weirdly overcautious boyfriend hadn't insisted that his own brother see you before checking out. It took Will saying it, but Jay finally seemed to accept you were, in fact, fine.

You want in that interview room more than you've wanted anything in a long time.

"Absolutely not," Voight answers when you ask. "This guy doesn't respect women. I don't need you going in there so he can admire his handiwork." He waves a hand indicating to your black eye you're still icing. Hank returns to the observation window to watch Antonio and Atwater interrogate a very non talkative perp.

You remain in the bullpen with Adam, Jay, Mouse and Alvin to stare at that damn board some more.

Alvin recaps; all of you hoping to discover something, anything at all, that could help solve the case.

"Here's what we know. 2 or more suspects working to abduct infants. 1 in custody. Greg Jones. Couple of parking tickets, nothing too serious. Attempted three abductions, not including today's, in broad daylight, over the course of two weeks. Only one was he successful, if you call it that, but the infant was later abandoned at Firehouse 51."

You interrupt. "That baby left at 51, was a boy, right?"

Al double checks before answering, "Yeah."

"The other two attempts were on baby girls," Jay adds, possibly sensing where your mind is going.

You nod. "And today, I had a lavender blanket to cover the doll. One would probably assume it was for a baby girl. Just hold on a sec. Mouse," you holler over to him, knowing he'll pull up what you want faster than anyone. "Check hospital records and obituaries, plesse! Any infant deaths in the last month? Can you look into Jones' social media, too? Girlfriends and such." You've hardly finished the request and Mouse has the information for you. "How many of the babies that died were girls?"

"Two."

"Do you have the mothers' names? Any link to Jones?"

Mouse 's eyes scan the screen in front of him. "Tiffany Young...girlfriend of Jones according to Facebook, lost her baby girl last month."

You nearly hop up from your seat. "Text us her last known." You nod to Jay, asking without words if he's ready. Before you can walk away, Mouse calls your name.

"She was reported missing three days ago."

The whole team exchanges uneasy glances.

In a bizarre turn of events, Tiffany Young had reported herself missing. Jones and Young had been working together to abduct a baby girl with a plan to then flee the state. You and the team discovered that Young was conspiring against Jones going as far as plotting his murder to take place after a successful kidnapping. He would look responsible for her disappearance and his death would appear as a suicide. At least in theory.

It wasn't the best thought out plan, but in these situations they seldom were.

"I still don't understand," said Adam. You were all gathered around a large table at Molly's trying to relax after a long day. Well not all, Antonio made arrangements to see his kids. Al had also rushed off. "Why plan to off Jones?"

"She blames him for their daughter dying." You say taking a sip of your drink. "I read the report, even though it was SIDS, he was the only one there at the time." Everyone is quiet for a moment, presumably lost in their own thoughts. It takes Herrmann coming around, asking who wants another round for the conversation to resume.

Thanks to the refills and a few well timed jokes, the mood of the night has drastically shifted to a much happier one. An hour or so goes by when Jay lightly squeezes your knee under the table. You understand the gesture, surprised that he's waited this long to signal his want to leave. Jay hadn't really wanted to go out in the first place. "I'm gonna head out," you tell the group standing only when you've finished the last of your drink. There's a chorus of goodbyes. As you walk away, you hear Jay excuse himself to use the bathroom. You know he'll leave for your place afterwards. Neither of you know exactly why you keep the fact you're dating from your friends. Maybe the sneaking around is thrilling. Maybe it's just nice having something of your own. Regardless, it's the worst kept secret of the precinct, though no one has any proof and they ultimately leave you alone about it.

You've only changed into a tee shirt when a knock beckons you. You let Jay in. The door has just closed and he's ordered you to take your pants off.

"We need to work on your foreplay," you quip, but Jay's not laughing.

"I'm serious. I need to see again that you're okay."

You sigh, but shimmy out of your jeans. His genuine concern for you was slightly overwhelming in the best way, never having experienced anything like it before. Carefully, you pull back the adhesive bandage exposing your fresh flesh wound, still very bright pink and aggravated.

"I'm so sorry," he murmurs.

"It's not your fault," you say, trying to reassure him.

"I hate that you were hurting and I couldn't do anything." He pulls you for a tight embrace while mindful of your thigh. He's completely still for a moment, breathing you in and finding peace in your arms.

Suddenly, he picks you up off your feet. It catches you off guard and you giggle. "What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer. Instead he takes you to the bathroom and sets you on the counter near the sink. He starts rummaging through your medicine cabinet, pulling out gauze, bandages, and rubbing alcohol. He grabs a clean washcloth from the towel rack.

You raise one eyebrow in question. "I thought I had Detective Halstead, not Doctor."

"Tonight you have both." You bit down on your lip to keep from laughing, but the misconstruction of his words hit him. "That came out wrong. That's not at all what I meant." Laughter escapes from you and Jay joins in, shaking his head and telling you to keep your mind out of the gutter.

"Mm, it's difficult when you're around." You give him a quick peck on the lips.

He turns the warm water on, letting it run for a minute. He tests it, making sure it's not too hot before soaking the wash cloth. He rings it out and looks you in the eyes. "I'm not sure this is going to feel all that great.'

You nod your understanding and Jay very gingerly begins to clean your wound. You talk to keep yourself distracted. "I can't stop thinking about the case. Clearly, they're competent for trial and I'm not justifying what they did, or tried to do. But I can't imagine losing a baby. Just the thought…" Your voice drops off. You wish you could leave work at work, and sometimes you can, but tonight when you're struggling to do so, you feel extra fortunate to have someone who truly understands.

Jay has almost finished cleaning your wound, allowing it time to breathe before covering it with a fresh bandage. "I know," he says. "I kept thinking about if that had been us and our baby, what would stop me from going crazy."

Your heart flutters a little faster, "Our baby?" It's the first time he's ever said anything like this.

He suddenly avoids eye contact with you. "Yeah? I mean someday...down the road if we are still...and that's something we...you want...maybe?" His cheeks are flushed and he glances at you, his green eyes full of hope.

"Jay Halstead," you offer him a big smile, "have you been thinking about our someday?" He nods, giving you a smile of his own. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him close to you. One of his hands rests on the countertop, the other lovingly brushes your cheek before you nuzzle into the spot just below his neck. You plant a kiss there. "Tell me more about your plans."

"Well they definitely don't include you getting stabbed again," he pulls away just enough to cover your thigh with the new bandage. A slight pout plays at your lips having not gotten the answer you wanted. Jay, seeing this, chuckles. "C'mon." He lifts you off the counter, carrying to the bedroom.

Gently, he places you onto the bed. You watch as he kicks off his shoes and strips down to his boxers. He catches you admiring his physique and shoots you a wink. But you pretend to still pout and cross you arms. It causes Jay to shake his head, bemused by you.

Pulling the covers back, he slides into bed and brings you to his side. He kisses the top of your head, fingers tracing a nonsensical pattern along your arm. "I see lots for us, love. So many ways things could play out, but it's always with you at my side."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," and with that Jay launches into different versions of the future he's envisioned. Some are improbable, others imaginative, many seem possible, but all include you, just as he said.

#chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x you

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clandonnachaidh · 3 years

Text

Light Across The Seas That Sever (Ch5)

AO3

“Uncle Jamie, mam says ye’ve tae come doon i’ stair!”

Jamie Fraser gave himself a final once over in the mirror, making sure that he hadn’t missed any areas when he’d shaved and that his hair was swept back without it looking too done. The shirt that Jenny had ironed for him, despite his insistence that he would manage just fine, was properly tucked into his jeans, the cuffs of which had been neatly tucked into his beaten-up pair of brown Doc Marten boots that had seen the better part of a few years.

“Nae bad, Fraser, nae bad,” he muttered to himself as he pulled his favourite leather jacket from his bed and opened his bedroom door to find his niece hopping excitedly from one foot to the other.

“Ye’ve nae to mess this up, ken?” Maggie said sternly, her little hands planted on her hips. With a sudden shriek of delight, Jamie pulled her into the air by her arms and plonked her on top of his shoulders.

“Yer like yer mother’s wee parrot, d’ye ken that?” He laughed as he descended the stairs at Lallybroch, setting Maggie back onto her feet as the girl scowled at him.

“Am no’, am like my da,” she huffed, furthering the likeness between her and the woman that gave birth to her.

Jamie smiled down at her, ruffling her dark hair in his hand, “Aye, ye are the both of them. Equal parts Fraser and Murray.”

It was then that he caught sight of Jenny in the doorway, her face full of palpable excitement that nearly made Jamie roll his eyes. Not for the first time, he wondered if she was maybe too invested in this whole thing. It was just one date after all.

“Jamie, ye mind Mary, aye?” She gestured to the woman stood in at the door, wringing her scarf in her hands as though she was as nervous as Jamie was himself.

“Aye,” he smiled kindly at the stranger stood in his house, only really remembering her from the days of their childhood. Mary McNab looked nice enough and there was no doubt that she was a pretty wee thing but she seemed small, as if she was unsure of the space that she was taking up. “It’s nice tae see ye again, Mary. I have to apologise for my sister dragging ye all the way here, I was happy to pick ye up from the village.”

Mary smiled at him in response, looking at him from underneath her eyelashes as though she was nervous to look at him directly, “It’s no bother, really. My brother gave me a lift up.”

“Aye well, shall we?” Jamie shrugged his shoulders into his jacket, trying his hardest to avoid Jenny’s darting eyes between the two of them as he put his hand in the space just shy of Mary’s shoulder, herding her out of the door.

“Have fun!” Jenny shouted, her voice thick with expectation as Jamie opened the door of his Landrover for his date, offering a gentlemanly hand as she made the slight jump up to the passenger seat. Shutting the door behind her, he shot a death glare to his sister who was practically vibrating on the doorstep and got into the vehicle himself, setting off down the track that took him away from the Lallybroch estate and prying eyes.

The restaurant was fine. Dinner was fine. Mary was nice enough and Jamie had tried to be his most charming self but there was still a cloud of awkwardness hanging over the table. Mary was a quiet wee thing and the phrase ‘like getting blood from a stone’ was ringing around Jamie’s head. There had been more than one uncomfortable silence, neither of them able to bring up a topic of conversation that successfully piqued the other’s interest past a solitary follow-up question. It also didn’t help that Jamie had the constant distraction of his phone buzzing audibly against his thigh the entire time, no doubt Jenny was constantly texting him to ask how things were going.

Once the coffees had been drunk and dessert turned down, Jamie had insisted on paying the bill and held the door open for Mary as they left the restaurant. When they walked to his car, Jamie had held the door open again but this time, Mary halted. With a shy peek up at his confused face, she closed the space between them and pressed a kiss to his mouth. It hadn’t registered in Jamie’s consciousness until he felt her push her body against his with a little more force. He flinched, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder and pushing her away slightly to see her gasp for a breath that had alluded her.

A bright red descended over her cheeks, “I’m sorry, I’m-“

“No, lass, it’s fine. Really, it’s…” he trailed off, realising that he was looking at her mouth, open and inviting. How long it had been that he’d kissed a woman and not been half gone with drink? Steeling himself, his hands went to her waist and he pressed her gently against the car, letting his mouth fall onto hers as she whimpered and relaxed beneath him.

Jamie kissed her. He tried his best to be present as his mouth moved against hers, eliciting noises that he hadn’t heard from a woman in a long time. He let his hands drift upwards, cupping her face in his palms and he felt her instinctively move towards him and press herself against him, more boldly this time, her hands coming to the small of his back and pulling him closer to her.

A persistent buzz from his pocket threw cold water over a lukewarm situation. Pulling away, he looked at Mary, ragged breaths bursting from her lungs as he managed to settle himself quickly, retrieving the phone from his pocket and throwing it a quick glance.

Claire calling… Claire (Eight unread messages)

His stomach dropped as he ignored the call and threw it into the car behind Mary, still standing in the open passenger door with something in her eyes that Jamie prayed wasn’t hope.

“Best get ye home, lass,” he said quietly, immediately walking around the bonnet of the car as poor Mary McNab scrambled to collect herself, sitting quietly in the passenger seat.

He drove Mary to her home in silence, tightened his hand on hers once as he said goodnight with a polite smile that he hoped she would understand as an apology and began the drive home, the single-track country roads twisting and turning along with the myriad of thoughts that were running through his head.

The last thing he needed after a frustrating evening was to get stuck behind a baler on the road but he knew better than to swear at the farmer who was driving the huge piece of machinery as fast as he possibly could. As he tawdled along behind the tractor, his ears strained to hear if his phone was vibrating in its holder, eyes darting to check if the screen was going to light up with her name again.

“Mac na galla,” he grumbled to himself as he pulled into a lay-by and watched as the baler trundled down the road. Within seconds, the cab of his car was illuminated against the black of the night outside. He tried his best to ignore the shake in his fingers as he unlocked his phone and opened his messages.

Jenny: Careful and nae wake the bairns when you stumble in!

Jamie fought the urge to rest his forehead against the steering wheel and worried about how he could possibly tell Jenny that the date had been a bust.

Had been, until he’d kissed wee Mary McNab back. Probably confused the poor woman to no end. Why had he done that? She was a nice enough person and he hadn’t had a bad time but there definitely hadn’t been any spark. And that had been before he’d found out that the incessant texts he’d been receiving during their date weren’t actually from his sister, they were from her.

“Swear to Christ, Claire,” he hissed, screwing his eyes shut before they opened again, entirely of their own volition, to look at the other messages he hadn’t read from the evening.

Claire: Hey! I know it’s been ages but don’t kill me! Busy, y’know. Anyway, have you seen the email? Claire: I think I’m going to come over for it, what are you thinking? Claire: Jamie! Claire: Please say you’re going, I don’t want to go stag! Claire: I’m not going to book a flight unless you say you’re going to be there. Claire: Jamieeeeeee! I’ve had a bottle of wine and I am making rash decisions! Claire: Okay, I’m doing it and I hope you know that I blame you entirely. Claire: Flight booked.

His brain was going a mile a minute, sat in his car engulfed by the pitch blackness of the countryside as his fingers furiously clicked onto his emails, eyes scanning through the deluge of special offer gym memberships and an invite to like an old friend’s new business facebook page when he finally saw it.

A reunion of the Graduating Class of 2012!

He gleaned over the information, passing the cheap graphic that had been plastered to the start of the email invite as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

There was to be a reunion of their whole graduating year in two month’s time. Everyone from Alumni to Fellows and tutors invited, partners and families welcome.

Back to rubbing shoulders with some of the best and worst people he’d had the pleasure of knowing, not even able to say that he’d made something of himself five years on from when they’d seen him last. He had graduated with a First, that was true. But he hadn’t moved from his home at Lallybroch and God knows there wasn’t much work for anyone who spoke fluent French and German in the rural Highlands of Scotland. It was true that he’d done a bit of consulting and translating work for the Scottish Government, lending a hand as they began their push for the inclusion of Gael culture into the national curriculum after the introduction of the Gaelic Language Act. But he would’ve been able to do that even without his degree, having grown up speaking both Gaelic and English. It had been a bitter pill to swallow, the knowledge that simply having an Oxford degree had got him on the board in the first place.

Still, he tried to keep his heart from racing as a single thought repeated in his mind.

Claire would be there. And it sounded like she’d be coming alone.

Jamie fought the urge to return her call immediately, his thoughts too scattered to try and figure out what time it was in Boston. Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time the two of them had even spoken on the phone. Although they had both promised to keep their phone calls regular after that first one when she’d called to say thank you for the flowers, they had become less and less frequent over the five years since they’d last seen each other. And when they did speak, there was always a tension that would hide in the spaces between their words, one which Jamie was terrified of acknowledging. So he watched what he said and eventually the conversations became routine and dull, neither of them willing to drop a crumb that could potentially lead the other down a path that would end with unspoken truths. Jamie felt drained after every call, lying in bed at night and going over the way her laugh sounded and whether it would have reached her eyes. After a few missed opportunities, the calls became texts which then dissolved into the odd tag on a funny Facebook post and a casual like on Instagram. But nothing of worth shared between two people who, at one point, had been everything to each other.

Two months later, Jamie found himself sat at a large table in the hall of Merton College, where it all began. The fingers of his left hand tapped rapidly against the muscles of his thigh, fingertips numb from rubbing against the scratchy wool of his kilt. He had gone all out, donned his traditional clothing with pride swelling his heart at the sight of the modern Fraser tartan, and sent a prayer of thanks to his parents when he slipped on his Prince Charlie jacket to find that it still fit him across the shoulders. It felt like a lifetime since he’d been at university having parties and society nights in this very hall, the standard stereo system being replaced by the more sophisticated option of a small band situated in the corner, fronted by a beautiful blonde woman who was crooning about it being a marvellous night for a moondance. Jamie certainly wasn’t trying to get drunk but he was already on his second whisky in an attempt to quell the nerves that were brewing in his stomach. He was powerless to the constant roving of his eyes, unable to relax until they found their target amongst the throng of people.

“Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” Jamie looked towards the sound of John’s exasperated voice, ever the perfect Lord in his coat and tails.

John Grey was one of the only people besides Claire that Jamie had kept in contact with since leaving Oxford. The two of them had met on the rugby pitch and had immediately taken a liking to each other. John had been the only person besides Jenny that knew of Jamie’s feelings for Claire although he had once termed it a ‘soft spot’ and Jamie hadn’t corrected him, not wanting him to know how deep the feelings went. He knew that John was gay himself and it had taken an uncouth joke from another member of the rugby team at the expense of John’s sexuality that had seen Jamie ramming a knee a little too hard during a ruck that had fused the two of them as good friends.

“Sorry, I’m wi’ ye now,” Jamie huffed, letting his shoulders relax slightly as he turned his body towards the man sitting across the table from him. “What is it ye were sayin’?”

John’s faux-irritated expression softened as something behind Jamie caught his eye before he smiled at him.

“Looks like you got your wish.”

Jamie could feel the air in the room as it changed, shifted to one full of static energy and promise. Without looking back, he got to his feet and smoothed out his kilt making sure that the pleats were sitting properly.

John rolled his eyes knowingly, “You look fine, stop fidgeting.”

Breath left Jamie’s lungs in a shaky sigh as he expelled the nerves that were sitting in his throat and turned to look upon her for the first time in years.

She was radiant. Not that he was surprised by the fact but he found that he was counting himself lucky just to be in the same room as her. Claire, his Sorcha, dressed in a deep red gown that was cut daringly low at her bust, a neckline that perfectly showed off her bonny wee shoulders and contrasted against her pale velvet skin. He knew that she would’ve paid good money to have someone wrestle her curls into a loose bun on top of her hair but she hadn’t bothered with too much make-up, just a simple blush on her cheeks that almost matched the colour of her lips. Jamie felt something tug in the dead space beneath his ribs, as though the tether that had been separated years ago was suddenly trying to fight its way back to her.

He had the priviledge of seeing her reaction at the moment she caught sight of him, shoulders rise sharply in a quick inhale of breath that she wasn’t in control of. Jamie couldn’t move, finding himself instantly fixed to the spot as she smiled at him, huge and beatific, before making her way across the room to stand in front of him.

“You’re here,” she said simply.

“Of course I’m here. Wouldnae miss it fer the world.”

He immediately cringed at his words as he saw her smile softly. He had forgotten, just for a moment, that this woman knew him and would be able to infer what he was really saying—that he wouldn’t miss her for the world. Suddenly shy, Claire looked away as she offered her open arms. He greedily accepted, crushing her into his chest and fighting the insurmountable urge to bury his nose in her curls and breathe like he was coming up for air.

“It’s so good to see you,” she whispered against his chest, her breath dampening against the material of his crisp white Oxford shirt.

“Aye, it’s good to see ye as well.”

At the sound of someone clearing their throat, Jamie reluctantly let her go so Claire could beam at the sight of John Grey, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder as she kissed him on the cheek in greeting.

“My dear, you look transcendent,” John remarked as a blush of mild rage began to creep up Jamie’s neck. Of course Lord John would have the proper words for this situation, not the awkwardness that tumbled out of Jamie’s mouth. He glared at John who raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘well, you weren’t going to say it’ and Jamie resisted the urge to clip him around the back of his perfectly coiffed head. “Would you like a drink, Claire? Champagne?”

“Please,” she breathed a sigh of relief as John excused himself to the bar.

They were in a room of hundreds of people but in that moment, Jamie felt like they were truly alone. Claire was standing in front of only him and he let his eyes feast on every minute detail, how she was different and how she was exactly the same. Hazel eyes roamed over his face and he tried to control the tingling sensation in the tips of his fingers that were fighting to reach out and touch her.

“How is everyone? Jenny and Ian, the little ones?” Claire asked after clearing her throat.

“Aye aye, they’re all braw. Young Jamie is in school now and wee Maggie is the spit of her mother.”

“I miss them,” she said in earnest, her brows sloping upwards on her forehead, “I think of them from time to time, even if they were too young to remember me.”

“Yer none sae easily forgotten, Sassenach,” he said it without thinking and heard her take a sharp inhale at the sound of his pet name for her. It had been years since the name had left his lips.

“Now there’s something I don’t get called in Boston.”

“No, I imagine not, Doctor Beauchamp,” he grinned as he placed a hand on her elbow and lead her back towards the table. “Tell me everything, I want to know it all.”

The air around them was full of the words that poured out of their mouths, quickly falling into the same groove that had developed between them. It was so easy with her, Jamie thought to himself, like breathing air or falling into bed along the longest day. He was grateful to find that there were no awkward pauses or worries about what to say and what to keep to himself. The first time she hit him on the knee with her bonny wee hand, he nearly felt it jerk towards her involuntarily as if to catch the pressure of her touch again. If she noticed, she didn’t let on and tipped her head backwards to laugh at something he wasn’t even aware of saying.

John returned after a slightly longer than normal trip to the bar, apologising for the delay with the explanation of getting caught with an old friend but the look that he shot to Jamie told him it had been intentional to allow Jamie time with Claire. Jamie thanked him with his eyes but noticed an uneasy look on John’s face as he handed Claire’s champagne to her, placed Jamie’s whisky in front of him and took a deep sip from his own gin and tonic while cradling a fourth glass in his hand.

“There you are, darling.”

The sound of his voice made the whisky in Jamie’s throat burn that little bit more as it went down. Jamie tore his eyes from Claire’s face to see Frank settling himself into a chair, taking his drink graciously from John’s hand.

“Ah James, John mentioned you were here,” Frank nodded his head and glass towards Jamie in a small toast of greeting and Jamie nodded back, trying his hard to smile through the grimace.

“Nice to see ye again, Frank,” he lied.

“Yes, you too. Serendipitous, actually, I wonder if I could pick your brain about a few things?”

Claire cleared her throat and placed a gentle hand on Frank’s knee, “Darling, I don’t think Jamie wants to talk about your work, we’re here to enjoy ourselves.”

“Nonsense, I’m sure he’ll be interested to hear. You see, I’m away to specialise in the immigration of the Scots to the Americas after the Clearances,” Frank leaned across Claire and planted his forearms on the table, effectively blocking her off from the topic of conversation. Jamie tried his best not to glare at him in response and caught a small smile from Claire that told him not to bother, she was used to it.

“Fuadaichean nan Gàidheal,” Jamie muttered before knocking back his whisky in frustration and watching as Frank’s eyes lit up. Claire’s mouth twitched and Jamie had to resist the temptation to smile, knowing that she enjoyed hearing him speak in his mother tongue.

“Oh, wonderful! You speak Gaelic then?”

“Aye. We were speakin’ the Gàidhlig in the house before English, really.”

“Jamie is on a board that’s implementing the legislation that protects the use of Gaelic in Scotland,” Claire chimed in, much to Jamie’s surprise. He hadn’t told her anything about it.

“Keepin’ tabs on me, have ye?” Jamie smirked and she simply winked at him over the rim of her drink before bringing it to her mouth. “Aye, I’m part of the Bòrd na Gàidhlig. Just advising here and there.”

“He’s being modest. He’s been involved in writing a National plan for the Gaelic language over the next five years,” John added, refusing to let Jamie talk down his achievements.

Frank’s eyebrows raised into his forehead, creating deep lines in their wake, trying not to sound too surprised when he said, “That’s very impressive.”

“None sae impressive as a Harvard lecturer and a surgeon,” Jamie beamed at Claire who rolled her eyes in response.

Their collective heads turned towards the corner of the hall as the singer in the band announced the arrival of the President of the university. Welcomes were offered, donors were thanked and information provided about the up and coming renovation of a library that sorely needed funding. Jamie really tried to pay attention to the speech but at the mention of money, he was happy to find himself distracted by the sight of Claire in front of him. She was sat facing away from him and it allowed Jamie to look more closely without her being aware. He followed the line of her neck until it disappeared into her hair line and was struck by a vivid memory of pressing his lips there the night they shared in Amsterdam.

Of course he knew that it was going to be a shock to his system, seeing her in person after so many years. And he had stared his reflection down in the mirror that night, willing his fingers to stop shaking as he tried to fasten the belt that held his sporran, having to consciously take steadying breaths. He had wondered over the years if he had imagined it, had built up their connection in his mind in an attempt to not feel so alone. To have the knowledge that somewhere, out there in the world, there was someone who knew the bones of him, all his black and twisted bits, and not only accepted them but loved him for it.

But being in her presence, even after all these years, simply confirmed what he knew in his heart. What he felt for Claire Beauchamp was painfully real.

The room filled with polite applause and the band started up again with an upbeat song, inviting people to take to the dance floor. Jamie took a sip from his drink and watched as Frank’s eyes caught someone across the room.

“I’m just away to say hello to some friends,” Frank announced as he sent Jamie a wink that slithered sickeningly down his spine. “Keep the old girl out of trouble for me, boys?”

He was off with a shot and John was soon to follow, clearing his throat politely and smoothing down his coat as he stood.

“I believe I’m also overdue with making the rounds, please excuse me you two,” he said with a gracious bow of the head, leaving the two of them alone.

Just as Jamie was thinking of the perfect thing to say, the tone of Claire’s voice shocked him.

“Not very subtle, is he?” Claire remarked as her eyes found Frank across the room, watching as his hand fixed around the elbow of a very pretty blonde woman and his lips came to her cheek, just a little too close to the corner of her mouth. As Jamie looked on confused, he turned to see Claire downing the last of her champagne, something burning behind her eyes that he couldn’t put his finger on. His heart twisted as he realised that he didn’t know her tells anymore.

“What d’ye mean-“

“Dance?” She sent him a dazzling smile that he made his heart stutter but she hadn’t become so alien to him that he couldn’t see the look across her face that said ‘please, don’t ask’. He mumbled something about having two left feet as he stood, the skin of his hand becoming afire when she took it in hers.

Claire settled them on the dance floor, confidently wrapping his arm around the small of her back as she held his other in her hand. He didn’t recognise the song that the band were playing and realised that he couldn’t care less, fervently trying to keep his head even though her body was pressing against his in a way that he realised he’d been starving of since the last time he saw her.

“So, tell me what’s new with you.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, the corner of his lips following its trajectory upwards, “Sounds like ye were keeping an eye on what I was gettin’ up tae anyway.”

“Well, I can’t deny the odd google here and there. Can you blame me? Its not like we know each other like we used to and when I knew that I’d be seeing you again, I refused to act like a stranger.”

He heard the honesty in her tone of voice and nodded soberly, unable to bring himself to look at her and so he pulled her that little bit closer, the added height from her heels allowing her to tuck her chin into the space between his shoulder and his ear.

“Aye, we’ve no’ been great at keepin’ in touch,” he acquiesced. “Mebbe we should try to make more of an effort? I ken yer busy wi’ yer work-“

“I’d like that.”

He let her pull away from his body and look at him, that sad smile playing on her lips that he hated to see.

“Aye, me too, Sassenach.”

As soon as her pet name left his lips, her glass face betrayed her feelings as a huge smile split across her lips, her eyes twinkling.

“I didn’t realise how much I missed that.”

He laughed at her then, spinning her under his arm in a feat of grace that surprised even him and earning a delighted burst of laughter from her mouth before she tucked herself back against him, closer than before. With a strength that he didn’t know that he possessed, he stopped himself from pressing his cheek to the crown of her head.

The upbeat song that they she had dragged him onto the floor to dance to ended and a slower one took its place. He felt the muscles in her body change and melt into his grip as Jamie tried his best to lead her through the dance even though he knew that he wasn’t moving in time with the music. She let him anyway, not seeming to care that they weren’t moving with the same grace as the other couples. Before he even realised that they were shut, Jamie’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Claire gasping.

“Did I step on your toes?” He asked jokingly as he went to look at her, seeing that her eyes were transfixed on something over his shoulder. He craned his neck, following her eyeline to the set of double doors that the skinny blonde was heading through, Frank following closely behind with what could only be described as a ‘shit-eating grin’ on his face.

Jamie’s head swivelled back to her as he searched her eyes for the fury that he knew must be brewing in the pit of her stomach. He was shocked when all that he found was defeat.

“Claire?”

His Sassenach shook her head once before casting her eyes downward and muttering under her breath. The next second, she was looking at him again, her teeth showing in what was meant to be a smile but looked more like a grimace.

“Huh?” she feigned ignorance. Jamie was having none of it.

“Claire, tell me what’s going on.”

She pulled away from him, fully, leaving him bereft. He watched as he squared her shoulders, her eyes determined on the doors that she had just watched her boyfriend disappear through with another woman.

“It’s nothing, I just need to grab Frank and-“

He stopped her as she made to rush past him, closed his hand gently around her wrist to stop her from running after the man that clearly didn’t deserve her.

“Talk to me,” he implored.

Claire looked at him, the rage that had been missing from her eyes now well and truly present. But the surprise was when he realised that it was being aimed at him.

“Let me go, I need to find Frank. Before he-“

“Shags someone else?” Jamie said without thinking, immediately regretting his words at the sight of Claire’s chin lifting into the air in defiance. She tensed the muscles of her arm as if to test the grip he held on her and Jamie immediately let her go, horrified at the concept of her attempting to see how tightly he was holding her. Trying in vain not to jump to conclusions about the dynamics of Claire’s relationship with Frank, he immediately raised his hands, hoping that she would understand what he was trying to say — that nobody should ever be touching her with any sort of force behind it. The look in her eyes made his stomach turn with revulsion.

He moved to close the distance that she had created, wanting to keep her safe, and saw her recoil from him instinctively.

Eyes wide and full of shame, Jamie quickly rectified his error and gave back the gap that he’d made to close.

“It’s just me, Claire. Talk to me, please.”

Christ, she looked like an animal ready to bolt from a burning barn. He could see the frisson of adrenaline moving through her body, her muscles waking up and ready to act, whether the reaction was fight, flight or freeze.

“Don’t look at me like that, I don’t need your pity,” she spat the words at him and Jamie felt his head spin from the speed of which the situation had changed.

“It’s not pity, Sassenach, it’s concern. Tell me yer nae livin’ on the other side of the world wi’ a man who’s— who’s playin’ ye false.”

It might have been because of the fact that Claire had never allowed herself to say it out loud, let alone be on the receiving end of it from someone else, but the rage flamed its way through her body. And Jamie has in the firing line.

“And what am I supposed to do, leave him and live in Boston on my own? I don’t have anyone.”

He couldn’t stop the words from leaving his mouth even if he’d tried, “Ye have me.”

Jamie felt his stomach turn to stone at the sight of the fear that passed across her face.

“It was nice seeing you,” she muttered under her breath as she made to leave.

The frustration bubbled in the pit of his stomach as he seethed, “Dinna do that.”

Claire bristled with indignation as her eyes fixed on him, “Do what?”

“Nice to see me, aye? Fucking hell, Claire.” He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation, the hand that had been wedged in the space between her ribs and her hip bone just a few moments before. “Ye ken fine well ye deserve better.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ye heard me jus’ fine, dinna pretend. Ye deserve better than a man who’d play ye false,” Jamie took a step towards her, lowering his voice so it was barely a whisper. “Ye ken, if ye were mine, it wouldnae even be a question in yer mind.”

The palm of her hand landed on his cheek as a bolt of lightning before he even registered that it happened. Stars burst into his vision but when they finally began to fade, all he could see was the broken look on her face and he immediately regretted his words.

“Fuck you, James Fraser.”

Before his brain could form a response, an apology for speaking out of turn, she was gone from him and he could only watch as she left through the doors that Frank had disappeared through moments before. Jamie made to go after her but was stopped when a hand landed on his shoulder.

“Not here. She’ll be more angry for you making a scene,” John said quietly before nodding a polite smile to the couple that had been closest on the dance floor and had no doubt heard the entire thing. Jamie sighed angrily, forgetting that he was around people that would love to go home with the tawdry gossip of what happened at their university’s five year reunion party. Well, he wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction. And he definitely wasn’t going to do it at the cost of Claire’s reputation.

John’s hand exerted a firm pressure on Jamie and he allowed it, letting himself be lead back to their table. Miraculously, John had another whisky waiting for Jamie as he sipped his own drink, closely watching his friend with gentle eyes.

“I thought it might just be a crush but seeing you tonight… I understand.”

Jamie rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to dull the war in his brain that was pulling him between the notion of chasing after her, making her listen, and giving her the space that she had asked for.

“It’s no’ a crush. Hasnae been fer years.”

“Yes, I can see that now. I do know how that feels, you know,” John agreed quietly causing Jamie to pull his eyes up to meet him.

The look on John’s face told Jamie everything he already knew. John had admitted his feelings about Jamie during their time on the rugby team together, the two drunkenly stumbling to a taxi rank after a night of celebrating a win. John had managed to secure the win by way of a miraculous drop kick, only having the space and time to do so because of Jamie’s perfect blocking. Jamie hoped he’d been gentle in his rejection of John, placing his large hands on either side of the smaller man’s ribcage and keeping him at a distance that stopped him from landing the kiss that he’d tried to deliver.

“Aye, mebbe ye do,” Jamie admitted, smiling slightly at the man who simply laughed. “Does it ever get easier?”

Unsteadied at being on the end of Jamie’s typical Scottish directness, the corners of John’s eyes crinkled as he answered truthfully.

“Not really, no.”

#light across the seas that severed #clan donnachaidh #ao3 #outlander fanfic #jamie fraser #Claire beauchamp #outlander #modern au

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sunflowerstache · 4 years

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Lifespan

A/N: Hello! This is very different from most of my writing, not only because its an OC, but because the storyline is just something out of my comfort zone. But I really hope you enjoy it(: I got the inspiration from a ad I saw on Facebook a long time ago lmao but yeah, come say hi once you’ve read it and tell me what you think! It’s much appreciated! I love you all so very much! Also hugeeeee shoutout to @devil-in-bw-the-sheets for spending like six months reading and re-reading this every single time I rewrote it and changed things and encouraging me each time! And @emotionally-imbruised for beta reading it for me!💛💛

Word Count: 7.3k

“Doll?”

The fog that seemed to have settled over your mind instantly melted away upon hearing the barista’s voice, her sweet drawl grounding your focus back on her. She was an older woman, probably nearing her sixties based on the collection of grey hairs scattered throughout her small ponytail. But still so incredibly full of life. She had red glasses perched atop her nose - which perfectly completed the red polka dots covering her black dress - a beaded chain dangling from the end to the front of the frame, a pair of silver peace sign studs resided in her ears, and the anatomically correct symbol for caffeine dangled in necklace form on her chest.

“What? I’m sorry.”

“Just asked if you wanted the cream on that.” She smiled, thin lines spreading out and away from the sides of her eyes as her mouth widened. Upon glancing down quickly, you took notice of her clearly hand drawn name tag filled with swirling letters - different then when you stopped by earlier in the week when she had used stickers to spell out “Rita”.

“Oh, um yeah sure. Why not.”

“My husband always says that during weather like this, the calories don’t count. That they disappear with your shivering. Can I just have your name, dear?”

“Georgie. And your husband sounds like a very smart man.”

“Oh, he is.” A dreamy look took over Rita’s features, like just thinking about the man made her heart race. “Been together for forty-two years and he still teaches me new things.”

Your heart ached with each word; the fog slowly started to creep back through your mind while you watched her grin fondly. The hope and excitement for the future that was always so very clear in people’s eyes was what made it so hard not to explain everything you knew, every secret you held. However, as much as you wanted to urge everyone to live the life they’ve always wanted, you knew there was a natural balance to life, and opening your mouth would undoubtedly throw that balance off. So instead, you grinned and nodded your head.

“He sounds wonderful.”

“My best friend. Counting down the minutes until the end of my shift. We’re heading up to see our grandbabies for the week.” It was like she knew exactly what kind of secret you were keeping and made sure to hit you where it hurt each time she opened her mouth. As if her being impossibly sweet didn’t hurt enough.

“That sounds nice.” Digging around in your bag for your wallet made it much easier not to focus on the ticking time bomb in front of you. “How much do I owe you?”

“Oh my! I’m sorry, I know I can’t talk forever if no one stops me.” her laugh was soft, inviting, one you would love to listen to while storytelling. “It’s four pounds.”

“You can keep the change.” You said when handing her some cash, but stopped yourself before you turned to walk away. Even if you weren’t ever going to outright explain anything to anyone, slipping in tiny, reassuring comments made you feel at least a little better before parting ways. “Have an amazing night with your family Rita.”

The coffee shop was relatively empty at the hours you stopped by. Other than the same group of men that were there every morning, chatting over the newspaper and a black coffee and a young nurse who was just getting off of her night shift, only customers on their way to work stopped by. But that was just how you preferred it. It was much easier to avoid running into people when the sun had barely just peeked over the morning horizon. You suppose the city isn’t exactly the best place to reside when you’re on a mission not to get close to anyone, but you’d much preferred the hustle and bustle of the city than the silence of the countryside. At least here you were able to escape your thoughts when they got to be too much, out there you were left to drown in the weights you held.

Rita was right when she said the weather would bring shivering. The moment you stepped through the café doors, all sense of warmth you previously had was sucked out of you, leaving the tips of your fingers tingling against the warm cup. You hadn’t ever really gotten to know the woman behind the counter, a few kind greetings every now and again, but she seemed to be someone who brought a lot of joy to those around her. And she always put extra chocolate curls on your drink. You made a mental note to send some flowers to her family within the coming days.

It was a car horn that initially took your attention off of the pavement, turning to look for who was in such a rush at 5:30am, but the hard torso smacking into her shoulder is what brought your attention back. Followed by the searing heat of your hot chocolate spilling down your front.

“Oh fuck!” you yelled, immediately dropping the paper cup and trying to pull your shirt away from your body to decrease the chance of a burn. There goes your chance to get home and drive right to work without any issue.

“Oh my god! Oh shit!” the man that had ran into you gasped, stopping in his tracks and grabbing onto your elbow to steady your wild movements.

Even though his words were quite loud on the empty street, his voice was still husky, almost like he wasn’t awake yet and still had some left over sleep in his throat. And when you turned to look at who had ruined your shirt, your own voice got stuck in your throat. He was tall, which made sense considering your head had bounced right off of his chest. He was wearing black basketball shorts with tall white socks and a light grey hoodie, which was pulled up to cover the dark grey beanie resting on his head. With one hand he was holding a water bottle with ease, while the other was frantically pulling the airpod from his ear. But apart from his sheer stature, you couldn’t ignore how beautiful this man was. How even the worry lines littering his face were perfectly accenting his features. Or how the green of his eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim light of the Whole Foods you had been stopped in front of.

“I’m so sorry! Shit are you okay?” he quickly asked, shaking his head before you could even respond. “Obviously not, that was probably hot. Oh god I’m so sorry!”

Finally getting your bearings back, you couldn’t help but nod. “Yeah it was pretty hot.”

“Shit, I don’t even know how that happened. I must’ve taken my eyes off the pavement for one second. I’m so sorry.”

“So you’ve said.” You chuckled, bending down to pick up your now empty cup at your feet and tossing it in the bin by your side. “Don’t worry about it. Really it’s fine.”

“It’s not, I’ve ruined your shirt.” If the disappointment in his voice wasn’t evident enough, the small pout on his lips definitely was. He looked absolutely distraught at the sight of what he’d done. “Let me at least get you a new drink. It’s the least I could do.”

“Oh, um, that’s alright.” You’d always known it was rude to speak to someone and not give them eye contact, it was something your father had drilled into you as a child, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Looking someone in the eyes meant seeing above their head, and that was an area you actively tried to avoid looking. But there was something about him that drew you in, and you couldn’t help glancing up at him quickly again. “I actually have to be getting to work. Thanks though.”

“Are you sure? I feel terrible.”

“Positive. Have a good morning.” Your touch was soft on his arm as you made your way past him, leaving the mystery man standing on the pavement staring as you walked towards your flat.

You didn’t mean to be so short with him, but it’s just how you’d grown accustomed to living life. It was the easiest way you found not to get close to many people, which meant less hurt in the end. And you’d been around enough hurt in your short twenty three years. It may be a lonely life, but you were happy with your cat, comically named Lucifer, and living a simple life. Sure, there were times you wished you could live the carefree life everyone around you got to experience, your only issues being stresses of work or relationship drama, but that wasn’t who you were. After living the life you did, there’d be no way you could live a normal life.

“Don’t give me that look, Luci.” you grumbled when walking through your front door, your cat perched on the dining table just watching as you moved through the living room, ripping your destroyed shirt from your body. “This wasn’t my fault.”

You’re sure that you looked like a crazy person if anyone was watching on, talking to your cat while walking around your flat in nothing but a pair of black slacks and a bra. But you didn’t care, because this was your normal. You ranted to her after a long day at work or a particularly draining day, and she always sat and listened. Mostly because she was a cat.

“He just ran right into me, like he literally couldn’t see me. How odd, right?” you stopped briefly while searching your closet for a new shirt. “God Luci, he was cute though. So cute. And tall.”

Just because you secluded yourself in the world didn’t mean you didn’t enjoy taking a peak at what it had to offer. It was the forming relationships that put you off, not because there was a level of uncertainty - nothing was uncertain to you - but because you always knew the timeline of said relationships. It was always the same. So why put yourself through it? But also, why not? What if that was just what you needed to make such a painful existence a little more bearable?

“I didn’t even get his name. Maybe I’ll see him around the cafe sometime.” you hummed, throwing the new peach colored blouse over your head and peeking your face out of the hole. “No. No Georgie, don’t go there. Who are we kidding, it’s not like anything could ever happen anyway.”

Lucifer meows loudly at your comment., making you turn around to glare at her. Obviously she didn’t know what was actually going on, but it was nice to entertain the idea of someone listening to your problems and helping you talk them out. You were a secluded young woman, not crazy.

“What? Like I’m wrong? It’s not something I’d be able to keep from a boyfriend forever. And It’s not like I’d be able to just flat out tell them.”

She meowed again, jumping off the table and prancing her way to your feet, rubbing her side against your ankles.

“What would I even say? Hey, I was born with this thing where I can see a floating clock above everyone’s head that literally counts down to the day you die? Yeah because that won’t get me sent to the looney bin.”

From the start of time, there has always been a beginning and an end to everything. No matter if it was an Oscar award winning film, delicate relationships, or even life itself, it all ended. People come, and they go, but the world continues on; taking care of those who stay to see another day. And on a daily basis, the idea of the end rarely floats through anyone’s mind. Except for you.

For you, it was impossible not to think about when it was quite literally staring you in the face. For as long as you could remember, you walked through life with a different outlook on the end than most other people.It wasn’t because you had some near death experience, but due to a gift. Or at least what some people in the world would consider a gift, because in no way would you call being able to see the exact day someone is going to die, a gift.

It was something that over the years you had grown to ignore, trying not to look too far away from people’s eyes and never thinking too hard about the ticking numbers.They weren’t obnoxious or flashy signs hanging above everyone’s heads - like you had seen some films try and depict - but instead, just a simple, faint, white clock just above the tops of everyone’s head, showing each individual’s lifespan. No matter how many hours you sat down and tried to rationalize why you were able to see this, there was never any answer. No one else in your family carried the burden, and because of that, you never mentioned it to anyone in fear of sounding crazy. But you knew you weren’t crazy, not when you prayed night after night for those numbers to disappear or for someone’s clock to be wrong, only to be let down.

You knew you weren’t crazy when you finally saw your favorite florist Don after he spent some time away, and his clock suddenly read 3 years, 20 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 6 seconds instead of the 27 years you had grown used to seeing on him every day before he left. It didn’t take long for you to find out he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and treatments had stopped working.

You knew you weren’t crazy when you got to watch Kim’s clock - the very sweet receptionist at your job - begin to slow down the more she adjusted to a healthy lifestyle of eating right and taking care of her body. What was once a ticking time of a measly 21 years adjusted what would be a long and fulfilled 59 years more.

And you knew you weren’t crazy when at only seventeen years old, you watched as your best friend’s clock suddenly dwindled down to zero’s across the board like a slot machine while laying on the bathroom floor of a house party. The drugs in her system being too much for her young body to handle and completely consuming the 72 years she once had left.

You weren’t crazy, you just carried a burden no one should ever have. And because of it, you made sure not to get close to anyone in fear of watching yet another clock strike zero.

So you moved on with your life, forgetting all about the tall man who had spilled your drink and run into your mind, making you think things you hadn’t in so long, and instead, focused solely on getting through your days at work and getting back home. It was an easy routine, one you hadn’t strayed from much since moving to the city six years ago; wake up, feed Luci, get coffee, go to work, go home, shower, watch tv, go to bed. And as happy as you were that life wasn’t so painful these days, boring would be the only word good enough to describe your life.

Until your neighbors moved in.

You were standing in the kitchen, lifting the collar up to your mouth to try and quickly lick the hot sauce off the old, ratty Elton John Tour shirt you were wearing before it left a stain, wearing nothing else but some shorts, a nice pair of cheetah print slippers to cover your chilly toes, and one of the two hundred paper face masks you’d ordered off of Amazon in an attempt to clear your skin, when the loud bang on your front door startled you. Not only did your family not live in town, but your neighbors knew that you weren’t a people person. Ever since you made that very clear to them upon moving in, they hadn’t tried to contact you, so you just assumed whoever it was had gotten the wrong flat number.

But the knocking persisted.

Lucifer’s head had picked up from her lap upon hearing the first knock, now watching as you made our way closer to the front door. “What do I do?” but the only response you received was her head tilting to the right, like she was saying ‘Really? Answer it you idiot.’

You wanted to be angry, you really did, because you were nearly ready to be completely settled in for the night after a terribly long day and you just wanted to watch some bad tv with Luci, but the moment you twisted the door knob and peered into the hallway, any anger you had felt, completely washed away.

“Hey! Sorry, my mates and I-” he abruptly stopped mid sentence once his eyes landed on you, like his train of thought literally face planted into a brick wall. A look of realization flashed across his face quickly, and in a matter of milliseconds, what was once stress turned into a look of excitement. “Hey! It’s you!” he smiled.

“It’s me.” something about him made it very difficult for you not to mirror his smile, but that desire was overpowered by the confusion coursing through your mind.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again! I still feel terrible about what happened, are you sure you were alright? You didn’t burn yourself, did you?” The man was incredible at changing his emotions at the drop of a dime, for now his eyes were laced with concern where excitement had just lived. “Or I guess I should say I didn’t burn you, did I?”

He was much more put together this time, the workout attire you had last seen him in was traded in for a pair of light red slacks that looked to be a crushed velvet material paired with a plain white t-shirt and a pair of black vans. He looked like any university boy you’d see walking the streets, but at the same time, like nothing you had ever seen before. Something about him standing in your doorway brought you a sense of calm, like just his presence was enough to wash away the stresses of your day.

“I mean I can’t say that it felt particularly good, but I didn’t get burned, no.”

“Oh good. That’s good.” he nodded, and you made the mistake of following his hand with your eyes as he lifted it up to his curls to fix the glasses perched on his head. You didn’t want to know, didn’t want to see what kind of fate the universe had in store for him because the peace he had brought to you in the few moments he’d been standing there felt better than anything had in the past few years. But you were never that lucky.

Your eyes quickly casted back down, looking back at the white of his shirt while you cleared your throat. “Did you need something….” you dragged out the end of the word to indicate that you didn’t know what to call him since he hadn’t bothered to mention his name.

“Oh, right. ‘M Harry.”

“Georgie.

“Hello Georgie.” if possible, the grin on his face doubled in size, causing two dimples to appear at the corners and the air in your chest to feel as though it was tightening.

The two of you stood in your doorway without saying anything for another moment before you spoke up; “So did you need something or…”

“Fuck, yeah.” his voice was breathy when he responded, standing up straighter, “My mates and I just saw you come home and we’re in desperate need of a needle and thread. You’ve got one?”

It only took a second for him to realize his words and that surprised look from when you first opened the door was back. His eyes widened and his hands raised in front of him as a way to stop you before you could respond.

“Not in a creepy way! We weren’t like watching you or summat, swear! My mates Niall and Louis just moved in across the hall.” using his thumb he pointed to the open door across the hall where you could see two other guys watching yours and Harry’s interaction. Upon realizing they were spotted, they raised their hands in a small wave. “We heard you come in. Not that we were actively listening! Just - ‘m sorry. I swear we aren’t creeps.”

“Good. Thought I’d have to sic my monster of a dog on you.” you replied, turning to dig through the small table in what could barely be considered an entryway. The table had started out as a place to keep your keys and mail, but like most did, quickly turned into a junk drawer. An abyss to put any and everything only to never see it again.

Harry’s eyes frantically looked behind you like some crazy monster was about to lunge at him for bothering you at night, even going as far as taking a small step back when the door opened a bit wider while you were looking for the tool. You laughed when glancing up quickly at the movement. It was obvious he was panicking at the new information of potentially getting mauled by a massive dog while simply asking for thread. So you put him out of his misery.

“There’s no dog. I’m just joking…”

As if on cue, Lucifer waltzed up to see what was going on at the front door, her small body weaving between your legs to get a nice scratch while checking out the never before seen man. “Oh! A cat! I love cats!”

“Yeah she’s pretty great.” you nodded, closing the drawer and holding your hand out to Harry. “Here you go. Um, not sure what colour you need so you can just take the whole bag.”

“You’re a lifesaver, thank you! Niall has a date in ten minutes and he’s split his only good pair of trousers.” he turned his head to look over his shoulder at the boys inside the other flat, trying to seem like they weren’t listening to the conversation, but very obviously doing just that. “Have to sew him in like ‘m some sort of tailor.” he chuckled, turning back to face you.

“Sounds like an exciting night.”

“Oh riveting. I would ask if you’d like to join but you look very busy-” the corners of his lips were trying hard not to curl upwards with the light sarcasm, wobbling a bit as he continued speaking, “-so I wouldn’t want to interrupt anymore than I already have. I’m sure I’ll see you again, I practically live with these two idiots.”

“‘M sure I will.” Luci hadn’t left your side since joining you at the door, instead, she began meowing quite loudly, so you bent down to scoop her into your arms.

You liked Harry, not only because he was a very obviously a good looking man, but because he seemed to pick up on your social cues fairly quickly. He didn’t linger and try to get as much out of you as possible or make the fact that you clearly didn’t have much interest in talking uncomfortable. And it was the first time in a long time that you felt content being around someone. Not fearing what the future brought.

Harry halted his movements halfway between flats and spun back around quickly. He didn’t say anything at first, just watched you press kisses to Lucifer’s head while standing in the doorway. Something you gathered from the very brief times you’d shared an encounter was that Harry was not very good at hiding his emotions. It was almost like he had no control of his mouth, because you could see him try to stop the smile from spreading, but it was no use. The dimples popped out in full force.

“I still owe you for that coffee.”

“Oh, um not a coffee.” you tried not to be loud enough for him to hear, noting that the fact that it wasn’t a coffee was not really that important, but he heard you anyway.

“Pardon?”

“Just um, it wasn’t a coffee. More of a hot chocolate drinker actually.”

He didn’t respond right away, instead just continued watching you with fond eyes and a now very prominent smile. You felt as though he could sense how out of touch with relationships you had begun to get over the years. What other explanation could he have for being so soft with someone he had just met and barely even known

“Right, well keep your schedule open so I can take you out for that replacement cocoa.”

Your door swiftly closed the second he turned back around, not leaving any extra seconds for him to turn around and look at you again. And the second she heard the click of the lock, Luci leaped out of your arms and made her way over to the sofa, meowing her entire journey.

“Yes that was him.” another meow. “I told you he was cute, and I also told you nothing would be happening there.”

Harry wasn’t lying when he said you’d be seeing him again. It seemed as though every day when you got back to your flat, he was there. Sometimes on his way out, other times just standing outside the door waiting for the other boys. And despite how at peace being around Harry had made you feel that day he came knocking at your door, you never put in much more effort than a “hello” here and there. He and the others had tried quite a few times to get you to join them on their night out, but each time you came up with a different excuse. Even if they were comforting, what was the point in forming that friendship when you knew you’d just isolate yourself again eventually. You had made it this long without getting too close to anyone else, and you weren’t going to start just because two attractive lads moved in across the hall who happened to have a very fit, very inviting, friend.

It wasn’t until nearly a month later that you actually had a full conversation with Harry again.

Typically you tried not to go to the coffee shop by your flat any later than lunchtime because it just got too busy. There were too many people for you to fully avoid them all and seeing too many clocks dampened your mood significantly. But you had already had a shitty morning and needed something to give you a boost.

The place had felt very melancholy since Rita’s unfortunate passing last month, she’d passed peacefully in her sleep while spending time with her family. You’d sent the family flowers as remembered, and also made sure to drop a few bills in the jar on the counter each time you’d been in the shop. Other employees were setting up a fund for Rita’s family since she was such a loved member of the community just with the joy she brought from behind the counter.

“Just a large hot chocolate for me, please.”

“For here or take away?”

“Take away please.”

“Actually she’ll have that for here, please.” a familiar voice behind you spoke up as you were digging through your bag for your wallet. You could see him out of the corner of your eye move from his spot behind you, to gradually standing next to you, looking directly at the barista behind the counter.

“Um..” you felt bad for the young kid, he couldn’t be any older than eighteen and all he wanted to do was get to work and get out. But here you were making his day more stressful than it needed to be. “So… for here then?”

“Harry I -”

“Come on Georgie. Please.” never in your life had you seen a grown man bat his eyelashes, but here he was, trying to lure you in with his breathtaking green eyes.

“Fine.” your voice came out soft and you rolled your eyes, but on the inside you felt giddy, like what you remember life to feel like before you started isolating yourself. “Um, sorry. I’ll have it for here I suppose.”

“Do you want the cream?”

“Sure. Thank you.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes, I’ll have a -” Harry’s profile was something you could get lost in. How the tip of his nose seemed to bounce with every word he said, how it looked as if his lips were made to form the words falling from between them, or how no matter how many times he tried to get it to stay back, one of his curls would continue to break loose from the rest and fall past his forehead. From what little you’ve seen of it, Harry had a great sense of fashion. Comfortable. A brown teddy bear jumper was covering his upper body, sleeves long enough to gather just past his hands and torso short enough that you could see his white shirt peeking out from underneath, ripped black jeans, a pair of black chelsea boots, and those same tortoise shell glasses perched on his nose completed his look.

“Ready?”

“Huh?”

“You ready? ‘ve got a table back by the door.”

The two of you made your move to walk back towards the front of the shop, but you halted in your tracks when you saw that yes, he in fact did have a table waiting for him, but it was also being inhabited by the two boys you had seen behind him when he came to ask for thread. Neal and Liam? And a girl was sitting between the two as they chatted amongst themselves.

“Harry I don’t -”

“Come on, I promise we don’t bite.” Apparently you still didn’t look convinced because he leaned down to be at your eye level and stuck his lip out in a pout. “One drink. Please? I owe you remember?”

“Yes and you’ve already bought me a new one, thank you by the way, so you don’t owe me anything else.”

“I know.” the apples of his cheeks began getting pinker the longer he stared at you, “But I’d very much like to spend some time with you.”

Just like he did when he knocked on your door, his eyes widened and immediately seemed to want to backtrack what he had said. “Wait no, not in that way. In like a ‘hey I think you’re cute -’ no fuck that’s not -”

“Harry.”

“Yes?”

“One drink.”

The relief was instant on his features, his shoulders sagging and eyebrows un-furrowing at your words. “Good. Afraid my mates were going to start thinking I made you up.”

“I live across the hall, they’ve seen me.”

“Well yeah, but I talk about you so much they thi- I - fuck.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from between your lips. You may not have had many friendships or relationships of any kind, but you did know excessive rattling wasn't generally how people spoke to one another. “You babble a lot.”

“Only when ‘m nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?”

Harry wasted no time in his response, taking a quick glance over to you. “Because I finally get to spend time with the pretty girl across the hall.”

The heat rushing to your cheeks had become something of a common occurrence when speaking with Harry. It wasn’t obvious if he knew what he was doing or not, but you couldn’t imagine someone like Harry not knowing how to flirt. Thankfully, however, someone from the table spoke up before you could dwell on his comment longer than necessary.

“Finally!” the man sitting at the end of the booth spoke. He was dressed very similar to Harry in color - a tan quilted shirt was hidden beneath a cream colored teddy bear jacket, and pleated brown trousers. The light facial hair stubbled along his cheeks made him look slightly older than Harry, but his complete baby face counteracted that.

Harry looked at you briefly, raising his eyebrows with a ‘what did I tell you?’ kind of look as he bent down to slide into the booth next to the other man. His style was much different than the other two, more streetwear. He was wearing black trackies and an old gray band tee under a denim jacket, baseball hat and the very apparent smell of cigarettes finishing off the outfit. Another difference with him was that he had a girl with him. What you assumed to be his girlfriend by the way her head was resting on his shoulder and his hand fell on her knee. She was beautiful, long brown hair fell loose around her shoulders, only kept back by the fragile looking sunnies that rested at the top of her head. She was wearing a simple white top and a pair of white,black, and brown plaid trousers, both of which were overshadowed by the beautiful black Balenciaga jacket hanging off of her shoulders.

“Was starting to think you’d been lying about actually knowing her, Haz.” the one closest to Harry spoke, earning a light slap to his chest from the girl on his shoulder.

Harry disregarded all of their antics and turned to pat the seat next to him, indicating he wanted you to sit down, and he gave you a reassuring nod when you nibbled your lower lip between your teeth.

It was subtle acts like Harry letting you sit on the outside of the booth so you could make a quick getaway if needed that reminded you how easily he seemed to pick up on your social cues - even if you didn’t realize you did them. It made your chest tickle that even just from the two substantial conversations you’d had with him, Harry picked up on things you did.

“Piss off.” Harry chuckled, reminding you a lot of friendships you’d seen on tv where they all take the piss but it was easy to see that they all cared for one another. It was something you’d always been envious of while watching the world from the sidelines. “Georgie, this is Niall, Louis, and Louis’ girlfriend Eleanor. Everyone, this is Georgie.”

You were met with a chorus of hellos and you would’ve loved to just jump right into their conversation about the best places to get guacamole, just so that they knew you weren’t intentionally being rude to them. But not only were you not good at this conversation thing, but you also were still on edge about forming any sort of connection with these people. Apparently you should get used to Harry and his all knowing mind, because before you could excuse yourself from the awkwardness, he spoke up.

“So, how long have you lived in the building?”

Unprepared for the question, you froze for a second. “Oh, um going on six years now.”

“Impossible! What are you, like twenty? No way you’ve lived there that long!” Eleanor asked, her head no longer on Louis’ shoulder, instead she was sitting upright and looking directly at you. Of course, over the span of the years, you had gotten quite good at looking at people without really paying any attention to what was only visible to you above their heads, but it still made you uneasy. The best solution was just not to look at them at all. But these people, people who had no idea who you were a mere ten minutes ago yet were now welcoming you into their lives, made you want to work on avoiding the numbers. Because this was the most alive you’d felt in years.

“‘M twenty three. Be twenty four next Friday.”

“No shit! Alright well I’m coming over so you can teach me your skincare routine because you look flawless.” she gleamed, leaning forward on the table to jot down her phone number on one of the many spare napkins littering the tabletop.

“As much as I love a good skincare routine, let’s not skip over the more important part of that sentence. Your birthday is next week?” Harry asked, gently shoving his shoulder against yours and offering a kind smile when you glanced up at him.

“Oh, it’s not a big deal. I haven’t really celebrated my birthday since I turned like eleven.” your parents used to throw you a party every year while growing up, a lavish over the top kind of party where all of your classmates were invited and family you had never even heard of pinched your cheeks. But as time went on and you didn’t give up your ‘ridiculous fantasy’ as your mother so kindly put it, they began to stop throwing the party. Now, you were lucky if they sent you a card on the day. Plus, celebrating your birthday alone is kind of a downer.

“You haven’t celebrated your birthday in over a decade?” Niall’s mouth hung open like that was the craziest thing he’d ever heard.

“Nope.”

“Well that just won’t do.” you may not know very much about the people seated around you, but the smirk on Louis’ face told you everything you needed to know. “We’re having a party.”

“Um, thank you. Really. But parties aren’t really my thing. Plus I’m working that day so…”

“Oh, where do you work?” Harry asked, thoroughly interested in where you spend most of your days.

“Good Samaritan.”

“The nursing home down on Adams?”

“That’s the one. I’m a caregiver.” when you first applied for the position, you thought you were crazy. For someone who doesn’t want to get close to anyone in fear of their untimely demise, you definitely went for a job exactly the opposite. But that was the appeal to you. Sure, it was terribly sad to see one of your patients pass, but in the time leading up to it, you knew exactly who needed a little extra love. It was nice to be able to remind their loved ones to visit while making routine phone calls, and to do things to make them smile in what only you knew were their last days. It was the only time you thought what you were born with was some kind of gift. The tiniest most unwelcomed gift.

“That’s wonderful.” Harry’s voice was gently next to you, like he was hanging on to every short word that you said.

“Well, we’ll just have a party once you’re done with work.” Louis shrugged, but held his hands up when you opened your mouth to remind him you didn’t want anything. “Not a party, a friendly get together with friendly neighbors and alcohol.”

That day in the cafe was the beginning to a new start for you.

Obviously Lucifer had to hear about everything that happened that afternoon, but she was there to experience it first hand when Eleanor came knocking on your door the following day. She got to watch as you bent over in genuine laughter at your shared banter. She watched from the kitchen counter as Harry came by with food one night, saying he just happened to order extra lo mein and heard you come home. And as the two of you sat in the living room watching Big Brother, talking about everything from your favorite color to why he majored in physical therapy in university. Luci got to watch you break out of the shell you’d worked so hard on forming around you, and even though you knew she couldn’t understand what was happening, you liked to think her frequent meows were those of encouragement.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The yells came from all corners of the room when you walked into Louis’s flat the following Friday, making your eyes widen and shoulders straighten. As much progress as you’d been making in your life, with branching out and slowly losing your fear of connection, it would take more than a week to crack down those barriers you’d built so high for so long.

“Thank you.” you laughed, putting down the bottle of wine you’d brought just in time for everyone to start surrounding you in hugs.

“Happy Birthday, love.” Harry’s voice was soothing in your ear, like a sense of relief in the overstimulation the other three had given you. You didn’t regret their company like you would have only a month ago, instead you welcomed the foriegn feelings. But it was still nice to have a moment of calm to fully process everything.

“Thank you Harry.”

“I hope it’s not too much. I told them to cool it on the balloons and confetti - especially since we all know I’ll be the one to pick it up in the morning.” he laughed, offering you a glass of wine that everyone else seemed to already be enjoying.

“No, no, it’s great. A nice segway from doing nothing every year.”

“Still can’t believe you haven’t celebrated your birthday in so long! That’s a day that should be celebrated by everyone!”that same look you’d grown to quite enjoy flashed over his features, his momentary distress as he realized he said something he wasn’t planning on sharing. But the look disappeared when he saw your knowing smile. “Don’t start.”

As promised, there was no party, per say. Everyone was just scattered around Louis’ living room telling stories about absolutely nothing that had everyone in stitches. It was the kind of party you’d always been envious of, one where mates could hang out and lose themselves in the company of each other. It was the first time you didn’t have a single thought about impending doom for more than an hour, a feit you would be sure not to forget.

Niall was laid out on the floor under the windows, a half empty bottle of rum in his hand and the other rested on his stomach, occasionally itching an invisible nuisance. Louis was seated in the arm chair directly across from Niall, a very buzzed Eleanor draped across his lap and the more the night went on, the less chances you had of seeing their faces separated. And Harry was seated next to you on the sofa, his arm hung on the back of the cushion in such a way that everyone so often you would feel the very tips of his fingers skim the exposed skin on your shoulder.

You wished you could freeze this moment in time, because a photograph or video would never do it justice. It was almost as if you were watching the night play out in front of you like a movie, not really in your body but watching from afar. Watching as the girl who hid herself from the world began to hatch, slowly cracking the hard exterior surrounding her. And you would do anything to bottle the feeling of pride that swelled in your chest knowing you had achieved that.

“Literally right in the face mate. No joke.” Niall cackled, his laugh a contrast in that moment; escaping his mouth loudly but carrying throughout the room softly. Taking off like a leaf blowing through the fall breeze.

“Georgie.” your name slipped from between Harry’s lips beautifully, like he was created for the sole purpose of saying your name over and over again; forever. “Alright?”

And sitting in the living room of Louis’ flat, listening to your friends’ wine induced giggles, looking at the most captivating pair of green eyes and curly hair that only whatever magical being that was above could’ve created, you were alright. You were so alright that the minuscule ticks of the clocks of your new and only friends, ticks you tried so hard to avoid paying attention to, almost seemed to disappear completely. Almost.

71 years, 2 months, 10 days, 3 hours, 16 minutes, 55 seconds. 68 years, 11 months, 3 days, 19 hours, 43 minutes, 2 seconds. 68 years, 7 months, 21 days, 1 hour, 58 minutes, 33 seconds. 62 years, 8 months, 9 days, 11 hours, 12 minutes, 2 seconds. 2 years, 1 month, 30 days, 23 hours, 34 minutes, 56 seconds.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles x reader #harry styles x oc #harry styles x you

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years

Text

Full Moon ~ JJK [M] [Request]

➳➳➳Word count: 6.1K

➳➳➳Genre: Smut, AU, fantasy, tiny microscopic angst,

➳➳➳Pairing: Werewolf!Jungkook x Reader

➳➳➳A/N: I changed it a lot as I had just recently read a fic in the same way you asked me to write it and I didn't want to get into trouble by having something similar. That being said I fell totally in love with this and now I'm obsessed with werewolf protective jungkook like wtf. This is a genre I haven't tried before though and I know you said Hybrid so I hope this counts? I know people sometimes say that you still have your tail and things like that but it's not something I would be comfortable with. Hope this is okay. Love you

➳➳➳Warnings: Mentions blood, biting, smut (obviously), breeding.

"There's been another attack!" Someone screamed as they walked over to you and your friend, you were walking through the college campus you turned to look and see Mieko one of your closest friends rushing over and panting out of breath.

"Another attack?" You questioned as you pulled your bag off your shoulder and dug around inside for a bottle of water that you always carried around with you, you were the mum of the friend group so everyone knew they could come to you when they were in dire need or something. A snack, a drink, band-aid, first aid kit, pocket knife and the occasional cheat sheet to a test that you'd stolen from your history teacher when he wasn't paying attention to you.

"Thanks," She began downing the liquid before leaning against your shoulder for some kind of support, she whipped out her phone scrolling through her Facebook timeline to show you what she was talking about and you rolled your eyes,

"You know, not everything you read on Facebook is-Oh." You stopped yourself once you saw that it was a real report from a real news station, you began reading through what the article was talking about, apparently, the attack was one of 20 in the last two days. All of the attacker's victims lived to talk about what happened to them, talking about how a man would lore them to an old parked car or they would feel like they were being watched all night before waking up the next day in pain from beatings remembering nothing from the attack itself. It was nothing if not strange to you that so many people had been attacked without recollection of the actual attack happening.

"They're calling a curfew for everyone in the university, we have to be back at our dorms before 9 pm or it'll result in expulsion." She had finally caught her breath and was walking without leaning against you so you handed her phone back to her.

"Well, sucks to be me because I have to help Mr SeokJin with Art History grading and then I have night classes in the library with English teacher Mr Kim Namjoon." You told them pulling the bag back on over your shoulder and looking down at your schedule for the day,

"Why do you have to be so good at everything? God, you're exactly like Jungkook." Mieko mumbled rolling her eyes at you, they always mentioned this boy. Jungkook. But you'd never seen him before, probably because you both had super tight compact schedules that neither of you liked to stray from though apparently, you had one class together not that you would know if he was there because you had no idea what he looked like.

"You're always going on about him, why don't you just ask him out?" You teased poking Mieko in the side but she scoffed at you,

"He's an idiot, cold to everyone he meets and just shoves everyone off unless you're in his close friendship circle." You made a fake pitty face at her and she shoved you against the door of the entranceway to the Art building, you were running late for class and if you were late one more time that week Mr Seokjin would have you fired as his PA and Jimin, the teacher's pet would gladly take your place.

"I'm late! I'll see you back at the dorms later, save me some dumplings!" You called as you ran off back down the hall not paying attention to where you were walking and rushing straight into someone's arms, you could have sworn they growled at you so you looked up to see who it was when your eyes landed on another pair that were staring you down.

"Sorry, Jungkook! She wasn't looking where she was going, she's a clutz!" You shot Mieko a glare and she ran off in the opposite direction of her class, probably skipping to go and find someone else to torture.

"I am sorry, I'm just late-"

"You should watch where you're walking then instead of barging into everyone with your back!" He snapped making you flinch a little, you nodded gripping the strap of your bag tightly and going to walk the rest of the way to class. Jungkook stared you down as he watched you walking down the hall, trying to see where you were going when he heard Taehyung calling his name. He shook his head and walking over to his friend who was rubbing his stomach,

"I'm starving, what time are we hunting tonight?" He grumbled at the older alpha who was staring at him, Jungkook hated that he was the leader of the pack that they had especially since Taehyung was older than him and so were the rest of the boys with them but it just fell down to him since he was born a wolf, it was his birthright according to his grandfather.

"After curfew and I have the perfect bait for us tonight." He smirked darkling putting his arm around the Omega walking him down through the halls to go and find the rest of his pack.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a ride home Y/n?" Mr Kim Namjoon asked as you walked out of the library together and into the hallway of the History building, the whole place was deserted except for a couple of guards on shift and tutors who were heading home for the day.

"It's fine, I'm just a three-minute walk away sir," Namjoon said goodbye to you and walked in the direction of the car park. You pulled the strap of your bag over your shoulder and took out your phone to text Mieko to let her know you were on your way when you heard something moving behind you. You slowed down something everyone screamed at people for in horror movies but you were curious about what it was, then images of the news article flashed through your head and you clutched onto your bag tightly picking up the pace to get to your dorm.

A twig snapped and your head span around to see something blur in your version darting into the nearby woods near the college, you should have taken the ride. You regretted it instantly and you couldn't type on your phone because your hands were shaking so much,

"Shit." You whispered as you came towards the alleyway you needed to go down to get to your dorm. You prayed whoever it was following you would just leave you alone as you walked down the alley but whoever it was wasn't giving up, they proceed to follow you until you were deep inside the alley where no one could see you if they looked inside.

You felt a hand clutch onto your wrist before a loud growl sounded through the air echoing off the walls and making your legs shake. You were dragged onto the floor and you tried to beat whoever or whatever it was off your body but they were ragging you about from side to side. You opened your eyes to see bright red ones glaring back at you, attached to the eyes was a huge dog with black fur that was growling heavily and biting into your side repeatedly, you began screaming as loudly as you could hoping someone would hear you and try to rescue you but no one was coming. You started hitting the beast with your fists, bag and phone anything to get it off you but it wasn't budging, you could feel a burning sensation in your side where it had its jaws around you. You jammed the beast in the eye with your elbow and it let out a yelp, letting you go just enough so you could scramble off down the alley and towards your dorms where you banged loudly for Mieko to come and get you.

"Look, I'm telling you I don't remember anything." You said to the policeman who was interviewing you, you were sat up in the University's hospital wing after a nurse had patched you up and called them to report a crime had happened.

"You don't remember anything?" You shook your head and the man grumbled something before leaving you alone, you laid back down against the white sheets and stared up at the ceiling. What were you going to tell people? That a giant dog came out of nowhere and decided to use you as a chew toy? They'd lock you up and throw away the key, at least now you knew why everyone who was attacked before you said they forgot. You wished you'd forgotten, you had the image of the giant red eyes burnt into the back of your head, giving you a headache whenever you thought about them and the way he moved you around. It was bigger than the average dog and known wolves in the area, it was as if it was something straight from a fantasy book but fantasy books weren't real...were they?

Jungkook walked along the hallways with Taehyung and Jimin either side of them, giant smirks across their faces walking around as if they ruled the place.

"Did you hear about Y/n?" Jungkook heard someone mutter behind him, thanks to him being a wolf he had different abilities in and out of his shape. The heightened hearing was just one of many and he used it wisely,

"What happened?" A concerned voice rang out,

"Mieko found her bleeding out on the curb of their dorm, whimpering about something attacking her." Jungkook looked at the Omega's to see if they'd heard anything but they were either not bothered or hadn't heard what the girls were whispering to one another.

"Stay here." He mumbled leaning against some lockers so he could keep an ear on the conversation, he wanted to know what had happened and why you had survived much like all the other people someone had been attacking at night.

"She's in the hospital wing, they're going to keep her overnight until she's stable again. Mieko said it happened right in the alley near their dorm." Jungkook took off in a sprint leaving Jimin and Taehyung alone and confused in the halls, Jungkook hated the fact that he couldn't use his speed ability out of wolf form but he was fast enough without all four legs he knew where your dorm was, he'd heard Mieko talk about it enough in the classes they shared together.

Hissing as you sat up you looked around the hospital room for something to entertain yourself with, your phone was missing along with your laptop so you were awaiting the college to send you a replacement until a new one could be funded to you.

"Miss Y/n?" You looked over at the door to see the nurse who had stitched you together was standing there,

"A guest." You nodded and she moved out of the way letting Mr Kim Namjoon into the room, he walked over to you and sighed.

"I'm so sorry Y/n if I'd have insisted I take you home this never would have happened." He grumbled looking at you with pitty full eyes he felt terrible for not insisting you get into the car with him.

"It's not your fault sir," He nodded and held up the roses that he'd brought along with him, he knew how dreadful the hospital in the university could be and he wanted to liven the place up for you.

"I'll put these in here and go, I have a class." Just as he was reaching for the door handle the door swung open and Jungkook stood there, your eyes widened as he stared at you from the doorway.

"Ah I see you have another visitor, I'll see you next week back in my class." You looked down not wanting to make awkward eye contact with Jungkook but if you had looked up you would have seen the two of them having a stare off while Namjoon left the room. Neither of them blinking until the door was shut and the other was out of sight and out of mind.

"How are you feeling?" You stared at Jungkook once again as he stood beside your bed, your eyes locked onto the bag he was carrying and you realised it was yours.

"Where did you-"

"I went to the alley you were attacked in, your phone is a little broken." He handed you the red iPhone and you groaned looking at the smashed up screen, you put it down on the bedside table reaching for some water when Jungkook noticed the bandage around your waist.

"Why didn't you tell the police the truth?" You stared at him and he poured you a glass of water, handing it to you and watching as you carefully took it from his hands.

"I told them everything I knew." He shook his head at you,

"No you didn't, you told them you don't remember anything and trust me no one forgets something like that you went through." You stared at him with a blank expression, he pulled a chair up to your bed and checked the watch on his wrist.

"You can pretend all you want but we don't have all day." You looked down at the cup of water in your hand trying not to think on the fiery eyes that stared at you, your eyes began to tear up and Jungkook knew what you were feeling. He'd seen the same thing with Jimin and Taehyung but he'd never had a female before,

"It was huge," You started, you had no idea why but there was something about Jungkook that made you feel as though you could trust him with everything and he wouldn't think you were crazy.

"It had these giant red eyes and then it-It's fur it was black and matted." Jungkook knew instantly who and what had attacked you the night before and he knew there was nothing he could do to prevent what was going to happen to you that night.

" I can't explain it all here, it's not safe but we need to get you out of this hospital bed and to my place as soon as possible." You scoffed in his direction and put the cup of water down,

"It's that how you get all the girls Jungkook?" He was shocked at how you were speaking to him at first, normally girls would swoon at his feet and obey whatever he told them and he put that down to the wolf charm but not you. You didn't seem to care about it but he figured it was because you would be changing soon,

"Listen to me, did that bite burn when that thing did what it did?" You thought about it for a couple of seconds before nodding, he leant forward and moved the bandage away from where the bite should have been but it was completely gone.

"That's-"

"Impossible? Yes, it's called healing and I'll tell you more if you come with me." Your mind was telling you that you couldn't trust him or anyone else but there was something about him that was luring you in, your heart and soul both screaming at you that this was right and this was what you were supposed to do.

"How do I know you didn't do this to me..."

"Do I look like a giant wolf to you?" You shook your head at him but remembered all of the old folk stories,

"Wolves shift in the day." He smirked at you for knowing your stuff, you weren't as stupid as he first thought you were.

"If it was me I wouldn't have let you go so you could become like us...No one deserves this life, it's hell." He sat you up in the bed and handed you one of the University hoodies from the shelf and then some sweatpants.

"Like us?" He sighed promising to explain everything once he got you to a safer place,

"Am I going to die?" He felt his heartbreak as you stared up at him with tearful eyes, he shook his head at you.

"Not if I have anything to do with it."

If someone had told you that you would have been changed up in a basement by the end of that day you never would have believed them,

"So what happens when the moon is up?" You questioned watching as Jungkook walked around the basement to make sure the chains were secure, there was one on each of your ankles and then one on each of your wrists keeping you in place.

"You change...Into one of us." He answered looking over at the basement door as it opened, Jimin walked down the stairs to give Jungkook a case of water and he spotted you.

"Y/n was the one they attacked last night?" You stared at him as he placed the water down on the floor, he dropped to his knees and walked closer to you taking a sniff of your hair and pulling back.

"She's not mine." He smirked looking over at Jungkook who was looking away from the scene in front of you,

"What? You haven't checked?"

"Checked? Checked what?" Your voice came out panicked and Jimin tutted shaking his head and turning to look at you,

"You could be his mate or Taehyung's mate who knows, everything happens for a reason Jungkook." With that, he left the basement slamming the door behind him,

"Mate? As in..." Jungkook nodded and you bit down on your lip ignoring the tension that was now filling the air, Jungkook didn't need to check he'd known since you'd walked into him yesterday that you were his mate. He should have walked you home last night to make sure nothing happened to you, he should have been there to protect this from ever happening but now here you were getting ready to change into what he was.

"How come you're not in chains again?" You questioned trying to get rid of the awkwardness that was hanging in the air,

"We can control out shifting, we can change whenever we want but you're new and it's going to be a long time before you can learn to control anything happening inside of you while you're in your wolf form." He walked over to you and looked at the watch, it was almost time. He attached another chain around your neck and you stared at him through your eyelashes.

"Is it going to hurt?" He stayed silent wanting to spare you of the gory details, it was something he'd hated when he first transformed.

"That's a yes." You whispered leaning back against the cold concrete wall behind you,

"I'll change as soon as you do, we can communicate through thoughts so just pay attention to me."

Jungkook watched as you screamed out in anguish, another crack sounded through the air as your arm broke in several places the chains clanging against the floor. Your back arched away from the ground and you let out a shriek in pain as it snapped in one place only to do it again in several other places, your whole body was on fire and you could feel every muscle shaking and bending as something took over inside of you. Then within seconds, the pain was gone and you were staring at Jungkook at a new angle,

"You're okay, it's over." You stared at him as he shook his body once falling down onto all fours and becoming a huge wolf creature in front of you, you tugged at the chains with your paw to get out but it wasn't going to budge. Jungkook had used the same ones wit Jimin and Taehyung and they were triple your size.

"I'm hungry..."

"You will be, Jimin and Taehyung will be back soon. Try to suppress the thoughts with something else." You thought back on all the assignments that were due in next week and you heard Jungkook chuckle from inside of your head,

"You're thinking about homework?"

"Always, it's important."

"You're worse than me." Jungkook went on to explain that that was why he was taking all the extra classes, the extra work kept his mind off of wanting to rip everyone's head off and eat them. While it also kept it from having a social life outside of the pack, he never wanted anyone else to go through this.

"Dinner is served." A deer's body was dropped down on the floor in front of you by a brown-haired wolf with black eyes,

"That one's Tae, he's shy but he'll get used to you." Taehyung left and changed back into his human form upstairs complaining to Jimin that you weren't his mate either.

"Do I just-"

"Let your instincts take over. Once you've fed it'll be easier to control yourself." You threw yourself down biting and tearing into the skin of the animal and he was right, it was as if your body knew what to do without you telling it to.

After that night of changing things changed at home, you couldn't live with Mieko anymore and started to shut her out Jungkook had convinced you it was for the best if you stayed away from her. You didn't want to accidentally kill her or change her into what you were, you moved into the house Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook were living in and started to only interact with them at school. That was a month ago and the full moon was coming up, Jungkoo still hadn't told you what he knew you were to him but he knew it was going to be hard to hide this time around it was already hard enough as it was to keep his hands off you and to stop himself from jumping on anyone that came near you. The alpha instincts around his mate were always stronger than anything else inside of him and it was hard to control but you didn't know he was your mate and he didn't want to tell you.

"Y/n? You ready?" Jimin asked from the doorway watching to see if you were following him,

"Be right there." You called back to him sliding everything into your bag, it was getting late and the moon would be coming up soon so Jungkook wanted you back at the house as soon as possible, it was going to be your first change without the chains on.

"Miss Y/l/n?" You looked over your shoulder to see Mr Kim Namjoon watching you and Jimin closely,

"May I speak with you a second?" You flung the bag over your shoulder and he walked over to your desk, leaning against it and staring down at you.

"You ought to be careful with who you associate yourself with." His hands traced along yours as it rested against your chest, you snapped it away from him feeling uneasy about the touch.

"Jimin and his friendship group they're not exactly the best of their kind," His eyes flashed a bright red colour and you stumbled backwards knocking a chair down in the process, Jimin was by your side within seconds and he was staring at Namjoon who was staring back at him.

"The pathetic little alpha sends an Omega to collect his cum rag, that's funny." Namjoon chuckled deeply without another word Jimin pulled you out of the classroom both of you rushing in silence to get out to Taehyung's car,

"Cum rag? Who the fuck does he think he is?!" You let out a growl by accident and your eyes were starting to illuminate a little as you got angrier,

"Y/n," Taehyung warned reminding you you were inside of a car and no the basement where it was safe to change, but the anger inside of you kept growing inside of you as you thought of him insulting Jungkook like that.

"What happened?!" Jungkook yelled as you were walked into the basement by Jimin and Taehyung, you sat against the floor growling into your hands at the mere thought of Namjoon.

"I think he changed her as well, his eyes Jungkook...They were red and he seemed to know that you were her mate." Your ears picked up on that word again and you watched as Jungkook tensed up.

"I'll fix it, go and hunt for something to eat you haven't had anything all week." You'd managed to feed your cravings by eating a copious amount of beef burgers and steaks when you didn't have to change.

"Mate?" Jungkook turned to look at you and nodded, he knew the time was coming where he would have to explain it all to you but he would rather go off and find Namjoon first, kill him for doing what he did to you.

"Namjoon did this to you, he's the reason you're in this mess." You looked up to see his eyes were filled with tears and you walked over to him taking his face in your hands to make him stare at you,

"Jungkook I'm fine, look at me." He stared at you, the urge to kiss you was growing stronger and he could tell you wanted him to by the way your legs squeezed together and the way you kept licking your bottom lip.

"You're perfect." He mumbled before crashing his lips against yours, his hands gripped onto the back of your neck pulling you closer to him there was something that changed inside of you and it was like you were feral, you never wanted him to stop kissing you ever again but your body was craving more from him. His lips moved down to your neck and you moaned out in pleasure at the feeling of him sucking along the exposed skin,

"Fuck, we can't." He pushed you away and you whimpered looking at him with hurt in your eyes,

"Why not?" He looked at you and then at the watch realising you hadn't even changed yet and then checked his watch again maybe it was too fast there was no way you had control over your changing abilities yet.

"Jungkook kiss me." You whispered to him bringing him closer to you, he took one sniff of your scent and almost fell to his knees ready to take you but it was too dangerous, you were in heat and the moon was full anything could happen. You weren't stable,

"I need you," You whined out in his ear and he grabbed you once more kissing you roughly and slamming you against the wall behind you, you shrieked happily as his hands worked their way up and down your body tripping the shirt from your chest.

"My favourite shirt," You fake pouted against his lip,

"Shut up," He mumbled against your lips biting down on your bottom lip and dragging it with his teeth, everything inside of him knew this was wrong and it could fuck everything up but he needed you and you needed him.

"I need more." You whimpered and he knew what you wanted, what you both wanted but once you started there was no stopping.

"Oh god, I want you to...I want to fuck you until you're full up pup but-" You kissed him once again to shut him up and he relaxed a little more letting your lips relaxing his body, you pushed him back and dropped to your knees in front of him.

"I want what I want," You whispered to him undoing his jeans and pulling them down his legs, he nervously looked up at the basement door and prayed Jimin and Taehyung had left to hunt and weren't going to come down and find this scene unfolding in front of them.

"Shit." He grunted as you took him into his mouth, there were no words to describe how he was feeling the way your tongue worked around his member, licking and sucking every bit of him you could but what you couldn't you used your hands to massage, he was letting out whimpers as his head fell back.

"Just like that, shit." He grunted his hand going into your hair and biting his tongue resisting the urge to slam his cock down your throat, he knew he had to be gentle with you he could smell it on you that you'd never done something like this before.

"Lay down baby." You took him from your mouth with a pop and he smirked ripping your jeans off your body and throwing them somewhere within the basement, he didn't care all he cared about was you. Tasting you and having you all to himself, he licked a stripe up your folds and you moaned at the new sensation, all of this was new to you but it felt right,

"Jungkook." You whined out not wanting to be teased, you wanted him to mount you and not stop until you were screaming out his name,

"I know baby but once I've started I won't be able to stop until I'm done." You nodded at him as a sign that you understood and it was what you wanted and he kissed you, slowly easing himself into you as you whimpered out. You could feel him stretching you out from the very first push and your nails dug into his back dragging down and you were positive if you didn't have super healing powers it would scar him.

"Fuck you're so tight." He grunted as he finally submerged himself all the way inside of you in the missionary position, not something that was common among your kind, holding himself in place until you were ready for him to start moving. You gave him a nod and he kissed your forehead promising you he would be as gentle as possible with you but once you felt you were used to his small and light thrusts you begged him to go faster,

"F-Faster Kookie, I can take it." You whispered in his ear but he shook his head,

"I can't, you'll break." You whimpered as continued his tiny thrusts, you knew there was something to make him move but you didn't want to risk him stopping altogether.

"N-Namjoon called me your cum rag, said you were a 'pathetic alpha'." You managed to say through grunts his thrusting stopped and he stared down at you, he knew what you were trying to do and it was working.

"Fuck, you're going to kill me." He grunted pulling out of you only to slam back into you at a rough pace making your back arch back as he finally hit the spot you'd been needing him in.

"Right there." You whimpered within a matter of seconds already feeling yourself coming to your first orgasm, there was a pit in your stomach that was starting to grow with every thrust,

"Don't stop." You stuttered out as his thrusts became faster, he smirked watching you come undone underneath him he'd never imagined for a second you would be like this with him. He thought you would be a shy and fragile girl like you were before but this was something else.

"I think- Ugh fuck- I think I'm close." You panted out and he could smell that you were, you began clenching around him and he grunted picking up his pace a little more so he could get you to the edge, he bit down on your neck drawing blood and smirking as you let out yelps of pleasure.

"Cum for me pup," You yelped out as you felt your orgasm rush through your body sending shock waves throughout you, your legs were shaking and your hands were shaking as they latched onto Jungkook's hair tugging a little as he continued his vigorous thrusts into you not stopping just because you'd come around him. You screamed out his name as he continued to thrust into you, the pain from just finishing was slowly starting to be subsidised by pleasure once again as you felt the belt-tightening once more,

"J-Junkookie." You whimpered and he smirked down at you kissing your lips and pulling back, he pulled out of you and flipped you over onto all fours, he couldn't take the human position anymore, he needed you on all fours so he could fuck you properly like the dogs you were inside.

"Shit." You hiccuped as he thrust into you hitting spots that were left untouched before, you gripped onto the ground as his hips pushed into yours, one of his hands gripping onto your hips and digging in so deep it was drawing blood.

"I'm close Y/n." He grunted as he continued to fuck you in the way it felt natural to him, you whimpered in agreement letting him know you were too by clenching around him and he smirked,

"C-Cum inside me, please." You whined out underneath him arching your back as you felt your release coming nearer and nearer, he faltered for a second before picking up his pace again not wanting to stop, hearing you tell him what you wanted sent him closer to his edge.

"What do you want little pup?" He asked coaxing you into telling him again you let out a whimper as you were going to have to say it again,

"Finish inside me, I need you inside of me. Everything, just-" You couldn't finish because he pulled your hair so he could kiss you as he fucked into you,

"There's no going back if I do this Y/n." He warned as he felt himself getting closer, he kissed your neck lovingly wanting nothing more than to finish inside of you and claim you as his own but he had to make sure you were sure first.

"Make me yours," You whimpered and he pulled out once again bringing you back to the human position you had started in, he wanted to look at you as he claimed you and made you his. He wanted this to be romantic and not as though he was stealing something away from you,

"S-Shit I think I might." He grunted throughout his sentence staring down into your eyes as you stared back up into his smirking at him as he brought you closer for your second and final orgasm of the night.

"You might what?" You giggled up at him and it was like music to his ears, he felt his balls throb as he almost finished at the sound of your giggle.

"Shit, d-do that again." He begged, watching as you giggled beneath him once more his thrusts picked up once more as he felt his pleasure coming to an end,

"I'm g-gonna cum, cum for me okay?" You nodded at him and he smirked kissing your lips softly pulling away to make eye contact with you as you begged him to fill you up, it's what you needed and what your body was begging for.

"S-Shit." He grunted hitting your spot in just the right way that you clenched around him tighter than before, like a vice and he stuttered his thrusts spurting into you but continuing to fuck into you so you wouldn't miss a single drop.

"Shit I think I love you." He grunted out as he continued to thrust into you when you didn't say anything back he felt his heartbreak a little but he continued to thrust.

He stayed in place above you as you both came down from your high, once he knew it was safe for him to pull out he did and dropped down next to you smirking as he looked at you.

"That was-"

"Yeah," You finished looking at him with a smile on your face, you rolled over and laid your head down against his chest.

"I love you too by the way." You whispered looking up at him as you rested your chin on his chest to make eye contact with him.

"Can you guys warn us next time?! Fuck!" You heard Jimin yell from upstairs you looked over at the door and back at Jungkook,

"Why didn't I change?" Jungkook looked at you and took in a deep breath,

"I think you have better control over your instincts than I first thought." You hummed and bit down on your lip,

"I want you to do that again." You whispered to him biting down on your lip as you stared up at him,

"Trust me, you're not going to want to stop now you've had one taste." He chuckled knowing how hard it was to keep yourself from stopping once you'd had the first taste of an orgasm like that.

"But let's go upstairs since you're not changing, there are much comfier places then the basement floor." He whispered in your ear, roughly biting down on it with a fang and smirking as you whimpered out to him.

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 4 years

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U N P L A N N E D, part seventeen

You weren’t sure how to feel. You were confused and upset and angry. And at the end of the day, Harry storming out of the house only felt like it confirmed your fears: he would leave.

He did, right?

He left, even if he came back and shut himself in his office. He left, even if he popped out only when Jane cried, before you could wave him off and say you could handle whatever it was and didn’t need his help.

But the bottom line was that your emotions came out and that scared him away. You tried to hold it back and you tried to avoid the conversation because no matter how hard you tried, you didn’t see a world where the ending of that scene would look any different.

A few days later and things had settled down, he cooled off and you gave each other enough space when you passed in the hallway or sat on the couch at night and watched the news. Things felt tense inside the house and outside, too.

Which is why, four days later, you were sat uncomfortably in a chair next to Glenne in some restaurant in Hollywood.

“This is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever done.”

“Oh stop,” she waved you off, a full 180 from the Glenne you once knew.

She didn’t seem to completely understand what you were saying. Your eyes trailed down the table, Lexi was busy chatting with a girl you’d met a few times. The band was there, Jeff, other faces and names that offered hugs and hellos as if you’d been around the whole time.

But that wasn’t what made you uncomfortable.

“Oh,” Glenne’s mouth set in a firm line when she saw what you saw. She leaned in and let her voice drop lower. “She worked on the album, I think, helped write a song or two.”

“I don’t care,” you lied, picked up the drink in front of you and took a sip through the black straw. Another gulp, maybe you could ease the knots in your stomach with more alcohol.

He’d been nice leading up to this, said he liked your dress when you sat awkwardly in the car on the drive here. He got Jane bathed and dressed when you got ready, passed her off to your mom for the night after she made the drive down from Santa Paula.

But his arm was slung around the back of her chair now, he nodded and smiled when she said something funny, leaned in to hear her over the noise of the restaurant as if they were old friends.

Glenne sipped her own drink, kept her eyes focused on the two of them, just like you. “She’s nice, she’s not someone you need to worry about.”

“It’s fine,” you shrugged, hopefully more convincing this time. “We’re not together--he can do what he wants.”

She turned to look at you, her eyebrows arched when she held her straw between her fingers and took a pull. “Right,” she laughed.

“I mean it, Glenne.”

“What do you mean?” Jeff materialized behind you both, pulled out his chair on the other side of his girlfriend and rejoined the table.

“Y/N’s just going on about how her and Harry aren’t together,” Glenne looked up at Jeff, offered him a sweet smile when he bent down to kiss her on the head.

Jeff laughed at this, smiled over at you and placed his napkin on his lap. “But like, you’re not not together, right?”

“We’re just not together. One ‘not.’ It’s not a thing.”

They both looked at you, straight-faced and expectant, like suddenly you’d let out a laugh and admit this was all a silly joke. “What?” You asked.

“Nothing,” Jeff shrugged. “Just, I thought things were going well.”

“Oh my god,” you rolled your eyes at his words, thankful to feel more comfortable having an honest conversation with both of them. “Things can be going well and that still doesn’t mean we’re together.”

“Yeah, but, things were, like, all sweet and cute after she was born and--”

You cut Jeff off, held up a hand to avoid having the same conversation with Glenne from the other night. “Our focus is Jane.”

He nodded, shrugged as if to imply that yes, of course it was.

Somehow, miraculously, Lexi decided it was time to hop into the conversation, too. She turned around beside you, smiled when she saw that you’d all been congregating right beside her. With a grin on her face; “hi, what’s up?”

“Y/N and Harry are being weird again,” Jeff laughed a little before you offered him a narrowed glare.

“What? Why?” Lexi pulled her head back as if this was the craziest thing she’d ever heard.

“Since when do all of you like to team up against me? Didn’t all of you used to think that this was a bad idea?”

“Not me,” Lexi held her hands up to show innocence.

“Okay, fine,” you corrected. “You two did, though.”

Jeff and Glenne looked at each other and smiled a bit. Maybe the alcohol had gotten to them. Maybe everyone was just relaxed and enjoying the birthday celebrations.

“Opinions change,” was all Jeff offered.

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, well, mine hasn’t. It’s not happening.”

“Because you’re afraid?” Lexi’s words caught you off guard. You turned to eye her, gave some sort of we’re not doing this here look.

“Stop,” was all you said.

“What?” She laughed. “You know I’m right.”

“Let’s just not.”

“Oh come on, Y/N. I love you, but you’re getting in your own way.”

You picked up your drink and took a sip, hoping that it’d be enough of an excuse to relieve you of having to answer.

Jeff offered a hesitant smile, like it pained him to admit it: “she’s right.”

“This is not a good place for us to have this conversation,” you said, their suddenly strong opinions crashed over you like a tidal wave. What happened to not letting things get messy? What happened to following the rules like they’d wanted and staying out of trouble?

Lexi mowed over your statement. “You’re afraid, which is fine, but don’t make us pretend that we don’t see through it.”

“Alright, I’m not doing this.” You pushed your seat back from the table to leave.

“Doing what?” Lexi asked, more frustrated with you.

“Lexi,” Glenne reached out a hand to settle her. “Let it go.”

“Oh so I’m the only one who can be honest with her?”

“Being honest isn’t license to be a dick,” you said.

She rolled her eyes at that and let her hands drop to her lap. “Fine, whatever.”

You reached for your purse and offered Glenne and Jeff a smile. “I’ll see you guys later.”

They didn’t chase after you, they let you slip out to the parking lot, call an uber, and stand there by yourself atop the asphalt and hurt feelings.

As if Lexi hadn’t been enough, Harry stepped out to the hidden back alley after a few minutes.

“Hi,” he said, looking you up and down. “Y’heading out?”

“Yeah,” you offered a smile. “I’m just tired, but, I’m fine.”

Quiet for a second when he hesitated, unsure if he should let you go and unsure if he had the right to stop you. “I saw your mom’s text.”

“Yeah, she’s been asleep for a while, no issues.”

“S’good.”

“Yeah.”

A pause in the night air, he shifted his weight on his feet and for a second, you thought he’d ask you to stay.

“You don’t have to wait here with me,” you told him, clicked your phone to life to see the driver’s ETA. “I called an uber, should be here in three minutes.”

He nodded, shoved his hands in his pockets. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yep,” you nodded, smiled when he turned on his heel and let the door to the swanky restaurant close behind him. He was already gone, but you whispered it anyway. “Happy birthday.”

He said he loved the goofy apron you bought him, simple and blue, the word DAD was etched on the front. You signed the card from both of you, left it on the counter that night when you got home. He found it sometime when he keyed in late and brought it up the next day.

But it wasn’t as awkward as walking into the tiny room somewhere in Burbank a almost two weeks later. Jane was in the carseat on the floor and a woman with short brown hair smiled after you handed her back the paperwork you signed.

“So--you said on the phone that you’ve been struggling with anxiety?”

You gave her an unsure nod, shouldn’t she be telling you whether or not that was the case?

“And who’s this?”

“Jane--she should sleep the whole time, I think.”

She smiled. Cassie, a therapist who’s profile came up when Glenne lovingly sent you the link to a website search for therapists. She was young enough, smiled down at Jane and sat back in her chair once she set the clipboard on her desk behind her.

“How old is she?”

“Six weeks.”

She held a hand to her heart and smiled. “How’s that been going?”

You told her about the start of it all, that night at Harry’s and the anxiety that settled in your bones in the Facebook bathroom when you saw the first tiny plus sign. She managed to keep a straight face when you name dropped Jane’s father, a good sign. Or maybe she thought you were crazy and making it up. Either way, you spent the first session just catching her up on the last nine months.

Before that, your life had been quiet. Sure, maybe some unresolved feelings around your parents or tough times in high school like the rest of the world. But whatever lurked beneath the surface had never been shaken up so much until now, like a snowglobe knocked from its shelf, typically settled pieces now swirling in the air around you with no hope of slowing down.

The second session the next week was similar, but that’s when she pushed a little harder.

“But things are totally fine with Harry?”

You nodded. “Yeah--I mean, like I told you last week things were kind of messy for a bit, but they’re fine now.”

“You mentioned that you fought with him recently?”

This time Jane wasn’t there to be a distraction. You lied this morning and told Harry you were meeting Lexi for a coffee, but the truth was that you hadn’t spoken to her since his birthday. He promised he’d take her for a walk and put on a new onesie if she threw up on herself. Leaving her was easier now, he seemed more confident in his ability to handle the things that might go wrong.

But now you wished she was buckled in beside you, an excuse to change the topic or leave the room to change her diaper.

“I guess we fought--he was upset, I was upset.”

“What did you fight about?

“He uh--I guess he thinks we could be good together.”

“And you don’t?”

You shrugged, took a breath and looked around the room. How were you supposed to explain your thoughts to a woman you’d met twice? “I don’t know.”

She eyed you for a minute, the small smile on her face let you know she wanted more.

“I do have feelings for him, I guess.”

“You do?”

Another hesitant nod. “I think just cause of Jane, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, at first I swore it was just the hormones and you know--feeling like we had some weird bond.”

She smiled a little, understanding and encouraging. “You do have a bond.”

“I know, but--I just mean at first it felt like there was something there.”

“But it doesn’t now?”

You dropped her gaze at that. No--it wasn’t not there. “I guess my thought process is that it’s just too risky now.”

“What is?”

“Being with him, like, as a couple.”

“How so?”

You sighed--the questions were fair but you already felt exhausted.

“None of this was planned--for a while it felt like he was only being nice to me cause he got me knocked up. He kind of had to be nice to me.”

“Do you really think that’s true? Do you think he would do that?”

“He’s a nice person,” you shrugged.

“But do you think he would ask you to move in and spend so much time with you and your family if he didn’t actually want to do those things?”

“I mean--no, I guess I only thought that for the first few weeks.”

She nodded thoughtfully, waited to see if you’d add any more. When you didn’t, she parted her lips to speak. “When did you realize he wasn’t just being nice to be nice?”

You thought back on the months you’d spent with him. The time you went to the beach and had a picnic, the nights at his house when he’d make dinner and when the panic that lurked in your tummy about the future felt like it had vanished.

“I guess when we started spending more time together and I actually got to know him.”

Another nod. “So you were nervous at first, which makes sense to me. Do you still fear that that’s true?”

You already had the answer, it sat on your tongue and felt like it’d spill out any second. You glanced around the room, out the window to the sunny streets and wondered what would change if you admitted it.

“I know he won’t leave. I know he won’t just up and never speak to me--to us--again.”

She waited for you to say more.

“But why would he want to be with me? Why--out of all the people he could be with--would he pick the girl who got pregnant with his kid?”

She challenged this, a slight smirk on her face. “He might actually have feelings for you, you know.”

You made a face, shifted in your seat as if to send the message that it was impossible.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Her words were quiet, a sudden shift in the air in the room as if in any second, rain would pour from the ceiling or a wind would sweep her papers off the desk in the corner. Like everything in the world was hinging on the secret about to fall from your lips.

“People don’t stay in my life.”

She frowned at that, aware that she’d actually gotten something out of you now.

“Like who?”

“My last boyfriend, my dad--” the tears that welled in your eyes cut you off, you swallowed the emotion and wiped quickly, embarrassed to be crying in front of someone you’d only met twice.

“You said your parents got divorced when you were little?”

You nodded. “I don’t want Jane to grow up like I did.”

“Who says she will?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “But if him and I are together--if I let that happen--then he can leave, but he can’t leave me and hurt me or us if we’re not together.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Yes he can.”

“What?”

“Whether you’re actually in a relationship with him or not won’t change the emotions you have for him. It’ll still hurt if he leaves or backs out, even if you’re not romantically involved.”

You stared at her for a second, confused by her bluntness. Weren’t therapists supposed to make you feel better?

“I guess.”

She could read the look on your face and offered a small smile. “I’m not trying to freak you out--it just seems like you already love him, so it sounds like it would hurt either way.”

You didn’t reply. You took in a shaky breath of air when you tried to wipe at your cheeks and gain composure.

“It makes a lot of sense that you don’t want the same thing to happen to Jane, but you’ve been telling yourself that it will when you don’t know that. Sometimes when we try to avoid the past really hard we just recreate it.”

You took a few days to let it all sink in. You folded laundry and changed diapers and you took Jane on a walk near the beach with sunglasses and a hat. You never imagined that you’d need a disguise, too.

You’d settled back into a routine of climbing the stairs separately, his footsteps down the hall felt more weighted now with the insight you’d discovered in Cassie’s office.

You tried to take space, not get too overwhelmed by the growing knowledge that you loved him, hopelessly and helplessly. You tried to tuck it away in a drawer beneath your sweaters, like somehow if you kept it out of sight it wasn’t true.

But the world didn’t want to make it so easy.

Your mom called and reminded that your upcoming birthday was the perfect excuse to have another party--one that more of your family could come to, a bigger and more public event than the quiet shower you’d kept under wraps.

They were dying to meet Jane and she was dying to show off her granddaughter to the rest of the family and her friends back home. When you floated the idea to Harry of bringing Jane home with you for a long weekend, his brows furrowed.

“Without me?”

Jane was strapped to his chest at the kitchen counter, he was obsessed with the new wrap you’d gotten online and now he barely took it off. She kicked her legs against his abdomen.

“I mean--I figured we’d just get out of your hair for a while, some space--” you trailed off.

He let out a huff of air and dropped your gaze. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, I just--”

“But you’re doing it anyway?”

“Do you really not want me to go see my own family for my birthday?”

“Why can’t I come?”

“I didn’t know you’d want to,” you eyed him skeptically, smiled at Jane when she made eye contact with you and then started to whine.

“I mean, yeah,” he said it quietly. “I’d like to.”

He offered to drive and a week later you were leaning into the backseat to adjust the toy rattle that hung from Jane’s car seat when he changed lanes on the 101. You’d already briefed him on the players: Aunt Lisa and uncle Melvin. Aunt Melissa and Uncle Mike. Your cousins Cassie, Eric and his boyfriend Tim, Shayna. Cousin Ryan and his wife Sam, their daughter Paige. Your mom’s best friend Tammy and her husband Bill. Their son, Luke.

“I’ll never remember all these people.”

“I don’t expect you to,” you laughed a little. “All you need to know is that Ryan and Sam are super sweet, everyone else is fine. Uncle Mel is a little too Republican for my taste, but, that’s just me. Oh, and Luke was my high school boyfriend. So some people might make comments about that, but it’s fine.”

He looked over to you from behind his sunglasses. “What do you mean?”

You shrugged. “We dated--we were like, sixteen.”

“How long did you date for?”

“I don’t know, like almost three years?”

“Almost three years?!”

“It was forever ago,” you tried to downplay it. You didn’t expect the reaction he gave.

“Well, yeah, but--did you--”

“Yes,” you cut him off, waved a hand in his direction to get out in front of it. “I lost my virginity to him.”

He lifted his eyebrows at that, shifted in the driver’s seat and kept his eyes on the road.

“Why does that matter?”

“It doesn’t,” he said, a shrug of his shoulders and a quick glance in the rearview mirror to see Jane. “Was just curious.”

You stared at the white lines on the road, watched as they blurred together when he accelerated on the gas. It was only an hour drive, you were there before noon and right in time for Jane to have another bottle.

He was happy to greet everyone who was already there--just a few aunts and cousins who decided they’d help set up platters of food and bowls of juice before the rest of the crew arrived. They fussed over Jane, passed her around and tickled her cheeks, but Harry kept a close eye on whoever had her.

When more people showed up you were whisked away again, hugging cousins you hadn’t seen in ages and trying desperately to not sound like a fool for getting knocked up by a celebrity. Your cousin Carrie didn’t seem to think it was all that bad.

“Not the worst thing in the world, though, right?”

You gave her a knowing look, fought the smile on your face when she elbowed you in the ribs. Carrie was closest to your age, only a year older and always so much cooler than you were growing up.

“Come on, Y/N, he looks pretty good with a baby on his chest.”

“He’s been great with her so far,” you admitted. “I’m just trying to stay sane and deal with turning twenty-six.”

“Must be so hard,” your aunt Lisa pulled you in for a hug when she appeared behind you. “Dealing with a handsome man and a beautiful baby.”

You rolled your eyes at her teasing, hugged your uncle and let out a sigh. “I’m managing, but, you know, it’s been a wild year.”

“And you’ve handled it beautifully,” your mom chimed in, dropping off a cake on the table in the backyard. She kissed you on the cheek, “help me inside for a minute!”

You followed behind her, promised to come tell Carrie more of the_ dirty details_, as she put it. But the kitchen inside was quiet, your mom pulled out more serving dishes from the fridge and handed them to you when she spoke.

“Have you talked to him at all?”

You’d been watching him out the window, he tugged at Jane’s toes while she sat, happily, in your uncle Melvin’s arms. When you pulled your eyes over to hers, she eyed you suspiciously.

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, honey,” she rolled her eyes and let out a short laugh, shutting the fridge and taking inventory of the dishes she’d made. “I know you’re not sleeping all that much, but, I’m not that stupid.”

You sighed, held the bowl of pasta salad in your arms. “Not yet. Not now.”

“Sweetie,” she placed a hand on your shoulder and offered a look of sympathy. “You know what they say. He who hesitates is lost.”

“What?”

“Don’t waste your time,” she shrugged, her gaze immediately going back to food she still wanted to bring outside. Her attention was pulled away by commotion outside, another arrival of family who’d yet to meet your daughter.

And maybe she had a point, but you weren’t wasting time. Your time was spent standing over his shoulder as he learned how to change diapers. Sitting on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night when she wouldn’t stop crying. Thumbing through pages of parenting books or calling your mom instead of ripping out your hair.

Pediatrician appointments and dodging the cameras that seemed to point your way when you stepped out of the fortress on the hill.

And most importantly, protecting your daughter from the same heartbreak you felt your whole life: the one that comes along with a father who’s nowhere to be found.

You hadn’t expected the party to last so long, but the sun started to set and people still loitered around the backyard.

Things quieted down though after dinner, your mom opened another bottle of wine with her sisters and Harry sat at the table with a beer in his hand as he listened to Eric and Tim recount their amazing vacation in Aruba. Jane was on his lap, getting fussier by the second after her evening feed.

You’d avoided it so far, a quick hello and minimal interaction, if only to save yourself an awkward conversation later that night. But when Luke sat down at the empty seat beside you--and directly across from Harry--you knew the night was about to get more interesting.

“So Luke, Y/N told me you two have known each other for a long time,” Harry shifted his attention over to you, a small smile on his face when you locked eyes.

Luke nodded, sipped at his own beer. “Yeah, God, we met when we were in seventh grade?”

“Yep,” you confirmed, a quick nod. “Do you want me to take Jane inside?”

“No,” Harry shook his head. She looked up at him with big blue eyes and then over at you when he smiled down at her. “She’s fine. And you two dated, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke laughed, smiling in your direction. “We spent a lot of time together in high school.”

“I heard,” Harry offered a quick chuckle, you tried to send a message with the narrowing of your eyes.

“What a throwback,” you said sarcastically.

“What is?” your mom was suddenly interested from the other end of the table, a tipsy smile on her face as she pushed up the sleeves of her sweatshirt she’d tossed on at the end of the night.

You and Luke spoke at the same time, but your mumbled nothing didn’t sound as convincing as his answer: me and Y/N dating in high school.

Your mom smiled and held a hand to her chest, which made Tammy suddenly tune into the conversation from a few feet away as she chatted with Carrie.

This made Harry more annoyed, but he hid it well. No one else could tell, probably, but you knew the way his lip twitched and he itched his neck when he didn’t like the way things were going.

“I’m gonna take Jane inside,” you stood from the table and walked over to him with extended arms. Harry stood and set his beer on the table, I’ll come with you.

Once you were alone inside, he started explaining before you could even give him a hard time.

“I’m not trying to be a dick--just getting to know everyone.”

“By interrogating my high school boyfriend about our teenage relationship?”

He shut the door to the guest room and picked up Jane’s diaper bag from the floor. “What else am I supposed to talk to him about?”

“I don’t know--sports, music, anything.”

He rolled his eyes and took out the portable diaper mat. You undid her onesie after you tugged her shorts down.

You held your hand out for a wipe. “You’re a jealous person, aren’t you?”

His brow furrowed, but he handed one over. “Never been told that before,” he tried to keep a straight face, but a giggle escaped his lips.

“There’s nothing between me and Luke,” you promised, tossing the dirty wipe and diaper aside for him to dispose.

He handed you a clean one, picked up the travel-sized baby powder. “Yeah--I mean, you can do what you want, but--”

“I don’t want anything with Luke.”

You fastened the diaper around her hips despite the way she squirmed. He handed you the set of pjs you brought for her, found the swaddle in the bag and then sat on the edge of the bed.

“But you don’t want anything with me, either.”

You let a breath escape your lungs, long and deflated. You’d had enough anxiety about bringing Harry here. But now there was a lurking feeling of nervousness in you about whether or not you’d ruin Jane’s sleep habits by interrupting her routine.

You wrapped Jane in her swaddle and picked her up, thankful for the heaviness of her eyelids when you started to rock her back and forth. “I don’t know what I want.”

You almost told him, laid it all out down the hall from your childhood room. But instead, he nodded, stood from the bed and opened his arms, a look of disappointment in his eyes. “I’ll take her,” he whispered. “Go spend time with your family.”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list | the playlist

author’s note: woooooowwwwww we are close to the end, pals! the next chapter will be the last one!!!!!

tag list: @stepping-into-the-light @thurhomish @afterstylesmadeit @iconicharry @harryspirate @mellamolayla @harryinsweatersandbandanas @stylesfantasy @clorenafila @mell-love @anssu-amry @yelllowgrass @littlesoldierelleora @styles217 @rachkon @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @myhat @rosegoldbel @passionate-dreamerr @grammyforstyles @haute-romance-quotidienne @dontgiveupthedayjob @ursamajor603 @craic-head-horan @heavenspidey @talk-british-2-me-britbritharry @blackxxmagicc @winter-soldier-007 @ssllbb @wanderlustiing @jdcharliewhiskey @caritocp @kaybee87 @wildbeee @hsunflowervol @harrys-medicines @tobe-sogolden @theresnooneheretosave @1d-tommo5 @soullikestyles @mrsfstyles @you-youneverdo @fstopsteph @cock-a-doodely-doo @s-u-t @mleestiles @rubytersteege @heartsandwheels @rainbowparadiseharry @ainatirb-j @sing-me-a-song-harry @g0bl1nqueen @mmithharold @harrymfingstyless @yourpolaroid07 @zarrysfineline @pinkpolaroidgirl @staceystoleyourheart @kind-heart @galsingold @adams-tammy72 @ednaofearth @neverland-city @zna0000 @mythoughtsvsreality @damnigotadime @stylesfics-xx @goldenncherrybombb @splendidsunsetsx @guccicreature @niallsfoolsgold @sunnflowerchild @lanallaa @harrys-stan @kialawley7274 @odetostep @wastedsweetcreature @rainbowbutterflyboy @live-at-the-forum @ajayque @goldenngracee @youredeadrong @indaydreamswithme @amaridon @icedsoylattes @cronias13 @sltwins @rbforsmileycal @tobesosunflower @noxiousacilegna @svnflowrv6 @flagitiume @splamilton @sloanferg @szaghata @girlgotattitude448 @ji5hine @strawberrrypie @stay-lovely @pwettyyharry @hufflepuff-always-and-forever @swooningoverstyles @golden-asoab @svnflowervol-6 @twinswallows @kammy67 @bookwormandteasstuff @peter-prkr @harrys-suits @kiwicherryharry @harriedstylus @harbear77 @tpwkxxkiwis @theresalotof0spaceoutthere @allthenicekids @harrys-watermelons @laura-q @sweeeetcreeaturee@britnicole11 @crowdedimagines @winesex @abundanceofsoph @spideys-wife @cherryyharryy @goldencherrymooon @begluketostay @jcgarciaa12 @thesarcasticshrink @magiclolipopqueen

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wistfulwatcher · 3 years

Note

Hello I saw your tag on that "im 25 and dying post" please tell us how it got better for you. Im 26, still living with parents, currently having a fight with my boyfriend, and i still have a year until I get my bachelors. The comparison to everyone younger than me is killing me.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling, but I hope you can take some solace in the fact that that post has a lot of notes and you are absolutely not alone in feeling the way you do! I can certainly try and share my experience, but unfortunately I think the biggest factor is just time (and like, a buttload of self-reflection).

I moved back home after college and worked full time at an administrative job I was doing during school breaks. I majored in psychology and anthropology in college, and was planning to eventually go into forensic psychology, but wasn't interested in going straight into grad school. So I did that administrative job for about a year, and tried to find something that was a bit more stable and at least semi-related to my field. I did end up finding a new job when I was 23 - stable, semi-related to my field (a psych/research background was required), and decent pay (especially as I was still living at home). Exactly what I needed, since I still wasn't ready to start looking into grad school.

I was doing pretty well, until I started getting comfortable at that job, and then I started getting hit with the "I'm not doing enough," and "I need to look into grad school," and "will I ever find a boyfriend?" (friendly reminder that 23-year-old me thought she was straight, yikes), "how will I afford to move out, I have to save my money and do it soon!", "I'm not doing anything but watching TV, I'm wasting my life," "I'm lonely, but I'm too tired to try and make friends," etc., etc.

But it wasn't constant. I'd have a flurry of those questions and fears, and then days where I was just living life and doing my job and taking care of my dogs, without any of that. And I don't think I felt good or particularly comfortable those days, it was more like I just wasn't actively thinking about it, like when you feel "good" after a physical pain goes away and you're just normal.

Eventually, I started thinking about all of these concerns I had, and the fact that it felt like it was URGENT whenever I thought about them. It felt like I needed to get my shit together immediately. I also started to acknowledge that there was this big sense of guilt around those concerns; I was too old to be living at home, I was too old to be single, I was too old not to be starting a career. I felt like I was wasting my life (cue the guilt), and I realized that part of why I felt like I was wasting it was that I felt like I was missing milestones I wouldn't be able to do at a later time because the older I was past "normal" the more humiliating it would be to try (cue the shame and embarrassment, hard).

I also started to doubt that I wanted to go into forensic psychology. More importantly, I started to seriously doubt that I wanted a "career" at all. My job (as I kept that same semi-related to my field one) was absolutely a job, not a career. And I think this was a huge tipping point for me, because a career had always been a given in my life. I'm passionate about what I'm interested in, so it literally just never occurred to me that I would be content with a job. I also started acknowledging that I had some messed up associations about being content with a job meaning that I was lazy (because the only way to be ambitious is with a career and, more damaging, a lack of ambition is fundamentally bad).

Now, I need to clarify that all of the above occurred over the course of years. I was constantly seeing "friends" (i.e., of the facebook variety) go to grad school, start careers, get married, buy homes, etc. And with all of that alongside the entire mess I've outlined in the above paragraphs, it was really, really, tough. It gets hard to find a foothold in better thinking, I believe, when seeing all of these people (some younger) doing things "right" was really just compounding my guilt and shame. (I feel like it's worth mentioning, too, that I was always "an individual" growing up, march-to-the-beat-of-my-own-drummer, yada yada. I feel like that's worth pointing out for others who may be in the same boat, because I think it can lead to another layer of shame in comparing yourself to those around you - especially if it's a big part of your identity that you DON'T do that, because I think it's inevitable as you get older, and you're looking to reach these milestones that prove you're an adult.)

So, here I am, acknowledging that I feel guilt and shame about what I'm not doing. And suddenly I ask myself my first really important question: Do I want a career? The question hot on its heels is: Do I want to go to grad school? Honestly, my answer is no. There is nothing in me that's excited by the prospect. But what, does that mean I'm just going to work my job for the rest of my life? How is giving up going to make me feel better about Not Doing Enough?

As I'm opening this door (remember, years), three things happen: 1) I realize I'm gay, 2) I watch Dirty 30, 3) I start playing D&D.

First, realizing I'm gay. Woohoo! Not only was this exciting because girls are amazing, but it made me seriously look at myself. Realizing I had spent 25 years assuming one thing about myself that turned out to be completely wrong made me question everything for a while. I started to ask myself, "Do I really like this?" more often, which seems like a really obvious question, but I'm not convinced that it's one people ask themselves consciously all that often. But once I did, I realized how freeing it was to answer, "No," and move on to something I did like.

Second, I watched Dirty 30, the Grace Helbig/Mamrie Hart/Hannah Hart movie. It feels dramatic to say that it changed my life, but the older I get the more I honestly think it did. Mamrie Hart's character is a dental hygienist who is freaking out about turning 30 and feeling very much like that text post I reblogged. But (spoilers), at the end of the movie, she decides that she loves her job (job, not career!) because it's comfortable and she has fun at work, and that it makes her happy. She has other things going on, but the idea that a character in a film is content with her job and choosing to "settle" into her life as-is and she's genuinely happy about it? I honestly can't think of a single other time I've seen that happen on-screen. I still think about that ending very often. And after seeing it, I started to ask myself another question regularly: "Am I happy?" Again, this feels pretty obvious, but I think there is something incredibly empowering about making sure you are happy on a regular basis, instead of just assuming that you're fine until something hurts.

Third, I started playing D&D. This is not a plug for D&D! (Well, maybe a little.) One thing that happened to me when I started to get into the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion mess of my mid-20s was that I got very much into a routine of go to work, come home, sleep, go to work, come home, sleep, be totally brain-dead on the weekend, repeat. I found it very difficult to feel creative because I was just wiped, and as all of my creative outlets (gifs, fanfic) are self-motivated, it was really easy to brush them off. I ended up starting Critical Role (this is also not a plug for CR! well, maybe), and I wanted to give D&D a try myself. (I was VERY lucky - my best friend happened to be listening to the Adventure Zone at the same time I started CR, and she wanted to try to run a game. The stars truly aligned!)

I started playing, then DMing, and found that it was a great fit for my interests. I used to be a theatre kid, and I was getting to act again (something I didn't realize I was missing). I was getting to build and flesh out characters, which is what I love the most about writing fanfic. I was also discovering that I was stretching myself - world building and plot had never been my strong suit, but as a DM it became the majority of my creative effort. It gave me soft deadlines with people I didn't want to let down, and it made me truly social again for the first time since college. Essentially, it was filling in all of the gaps of what I felt lacking in my life. This isn't a D&D plug because it wasn't D&D specifically, but rather a hobby that satisfied what was missing in my life. For example, I didn't realize how isolated I was before D&D until I had regular interactions with friends, and that isolation absolutely made the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion worse.

D&D gave me that final push to realize that I was OK with having a job and being passionate about hobbies instead of trying to fit myself into a career, because I was getting out of that hobby what I had been convinced I would get out of a career. I started to really value that I could punch out and go have fun doing exactly what I wanted to do. (It feels so obvious as I type this, but it took me a long time to get here! Sometimes it really is that simple!)

The above is specific to my job vs. career struggle which may not be in the mix of things you're struggling with. But what I do think is universal/can be your take away, is that sometimes you just have to actively choose to let go of the pressure to be doing things. Which, I know, sounds so much easier than it is (and part of why I think it just takes time/is part of growing older). But I think it's something that can be worked at over time, by checking in with yourself about what you feel, why you feel it, and what you need to make yourself feel better in the present.

It's been 6 years since I started that semi-related job, and I'm still there. I still live with my mom. I'm still single. My circumstances have not changed since 24, but honestly? I'm OK. When I check in with myself about it, I do enjoy living with my mom and our dogs (even though I'm 30 and "real" adults move out). I am happy more often than I'm not (much more, actually!). I have a job that allows me to be done after 8 hours, and I have hobbies I look forward to doing each night (and the energy to do them, most of the time). My weekends are free to play D&D with my friends and laugh until I cry. That is what I've worked out as my definition of what I want life to be right now. You'll notice it includes none of the "milestones" that those younger than me have hit.

As I noted on that text post tag, I still struggle with this. I definitely have days where I think, I'm a mess, I'm not DOING anything. It's hard. But time does help, those days become fewer and farther between.

I know that was probably a hundred times longer than you wanted it to be, but I did want to illustrate just how much of a process it is. It takes time. My summary advice is to check in with yourself often, be honest about what you want and what you need, do not let anyone else define where you "should" be. And if you aren't living life how you want to be, identify what you can do (however small) to make yourself feel like you're getting closer.

#ask #me #personal #i am so sorry this is a novel #i hope that it helps you even a little!#can you believe i can write about myself for 2 hours? embarrassing lmao #long post

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taetaesbaebaepsae · 4 years

Text

The Text

A/n: I don’t know if she wants to be tagged but this is a commission for a lovely friend of mine. I hope she likes it.

Summary: You’re fine with just being friends with Taehyung....until you get the text, that is.

Warnings: Jealousy, possessiveness, vaginal fingering, mentions of sex, a little filth, a little feelings, reader;’s friend is me but listen it was a specific request

Word Count: 2094

The text you receive from the man you've had an on again off again sexual relationship with for months is a peculiar one, as they go.

You've gotten a few interesting ones over the past few months, some nearly incoherent when he'd gone out with friends, but they'd all had a common thread: sex.

Although you'd entertained the idea of something more, especially in the beginning, after time when he'd never seemed to want anything more, leaving early in the morning after a night together and maybe a couple breakfasts or lunches, never anything that could be considered a date.

You're not even friends, exactly, more like... acquaintances with benefits.

You're fine with that. You really are. Mostly.

Maybe sometimes you watch the line of his jaw when he's sleeping, count the eyelashes across his cheekbones, but in your defense, he's ridiculously handsome. Taehyung is friendly and affectionate after sex and before, but he's that way with everyone, all his friends and even acquaintances that he's fond of, you know it doesn't mean anything.

Does your heart skip a beat when he calls you jagiya casually, when he catches your waist as you walk by, presses his face into your stomach and hugs you? Maybe.

But it isn't what that smallest part of you hopes it could be, and you've accepted it. You think.

Until you get the text.

When you get it, you're not even thinking about him. In fact, you haven't thought about him almost all night, ever since your friend introduced you to her new boyfriend's best friend.

She's been single longer than you have, and you're shocked when she abruptly changes her status on Facebook to "in a relationship" with pierced Im Changkyun, a man she'd brushed off as being "young and dumb but wicked hot" when she's first started sleeping with him.

A month later at her birthday party, she's all heart eyes and goofy smile and she still calls him dumb but with the softest voice.

"You're in love," you say to her, dumbfounded, when she beckons you into the kitchen to help her open the fifth bottle of wine at her party.

"I know, it's so fucking gross," she says cheerfully, leaned over to grab a bottle of red.

"I'm happy for you," you say, and you try to mean it, you really do.

She chuckles as she opens it. "You hate me a little, and that's valid. But listen. He has a friend-"

"No." You say firmly, and she continues like you've said nothing and you put your hand over her mouth to stop you.

"Y/n, he has dimples," she continues, muffled, and you slowly drop your hand.

"Go on."

"He'll be here in a bit, he's so much fun, he's a Libra-"

"You know I don't know what that means," you sigh, exasperated.

"You're gonna love him, trust me."

"I'm still kinda-"

She holds up a hand. "Do not say you're still seeing that adorable fuckboy, he's so pretty but he's never gonna be your boyfriend, babe."

"I don't want him to be my boyfriend."

"Oh so we're lying? Is that what we're doing?"

You roll your eyes and drink half a glass of wine.

You're considerably buzzed after another glass when he shows up and boy she was right, he really does have dimples.

When you introduce himself, he smiles and you almost drop your wineglass.

"Jooheon. But you can call me honey." He winks at you and you wonder if this is what she means by Libra.

He's charming and funny and man, those dimples and for once, Taehyung isn't even in your thoughts.

Them your phone dings and you absent mindedly check it.

Taehyung: You got a boyfriend now?

Oh. Oh. That's new. Not the text itself, you've gotten texts like that from other men, ones who were a bit territorial, and on its own, you know it doesn't mean anything.

But from Taehyung?

Not once in all the time you'd known him had he been territorial or jealous in any way. You'd gone out to clubs together and you'd danced and flirted right in front of him and he hadn't batted an eye, even later when you ended up in bed together.

Your eyes dart around the room and when you see him, he's watching you with dark, half lidded eyes on your friend's loveseat. Not surrounded by people, like usual. Alone, wearing this white button up that's half unbuttoned and an empty wineglass in front of him. He looks a bit rumpled in a way you haven't seen him look, maybe even drunk.

He doesn't react when you lock eyes, face passive, but something's different.

"Y/n?"

Jooheon's voice brings your attention back, and his brow is a bit furrowed.

"You okay?"

"Good," you choke out. "I'm good. Just...work," you lie.

Instead of texting him back, you pointedly put your phone in your lap and go back to texting Jooheon.

In less than ten minutes, you hear your phone ding twice more, and you can't help the thrill that races through you.

Jooheon looks down at your phone during a lull in conversation.

You smile. "I'll just check. It's like they can't live without me."

Taehyung: Just curious. And then, three minutes later: You ignoring me now?

You feel oddly victorious and powerful. You text back quickly: I'm a little busy.

You see him on his phone in your peripheral vision, see him sit up, shoulders stiffening, but you stay focused on Jooheon, talking a bit more about your work and he's listening actively, leaned forward toward you.

He's asking you what you like to do in your free time and you feel a little thrill at the prospect of him asking you out and that makes you feel a bit better about things.

It isn't as if you can't be attracted to anyone else but Taehyung, it turns out, just that you hadn't focused on anyone else since you'd met.

Your phone goes off once more and you check it after a moment, trying to appear nonchalant.

Taehyung: You think he can make you cum like I can?

You feel a jolt of heat down your spine. Well, that's an escalation. It's cocky, though, and as much as it turns you on it kind of pisses you off, too, so you text back: Guess I'll see.

You put your phone back in your lap and lean forward to put your hand on Jooheon's knee.

"Sorry," you apologize.

Jooheon smiles at you and puts his hand over yours. "No worries."

He is awfully handsome, and it's easy enough to fall back into conversation with him.

Jooheon is distracted by someone coming up to speak to him, and you can't help your gaze going back to Taehyung. He's slumped back against the couch now, glass of wine magically refilled, and he's still staring at you, blank faced, but instead of half lidded like before his eyes seem bigger, somehow, wide and darker than usual.

It's intense, that look, and not one you've seen before unless he was fucking you, looking down into your eyes in that intimate way he had.

Your phone dings again and you look right away, unable to wait now that you weren't distracted by Jooheon.

Taehyung: I didn't like seeing you touch him.

Your heart seizes in your chest and suddenly it's not as fun anymore. You're thinking about what it all means and having to think about how you actually feel and....

You're staring at your phone and thinking of how to respond to that when Jooheon touches your hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks, and you nod, swallowing hard.

"I need a refill," you say, and when he raises an eyebrow at your half full glass, you gulp it down. "Be right back."

Before he can offer to refill it for you, you stand and bolt for the kitchen, running from the way you can feel Taehyung's eyes on your back and the way your real feelings seem to be rising in your throat.

Half of you hopes your friend is in the kitchen so you'll have someone to bounce this off of, but it's empty and you sit your glass on the counter, taking in a deep breath.

When you hear footsteps you stand up straight, and you hear him before you turn around, his tone calm and steady, like always.

"You didn't mean that, did you?"

You close your eyes, turning to face Taehyung, bracing your hands behind you on the counter.

"Mean what?"

He takes a step toward you and you brace down harder on the counter, willing your heart to stop racing.

You really wish he wouldn't look at you like that, somehow passive and hungry at the same time, you've never met a man so difficult to read.

"When you said, 'Guess I'll see.' You didn't mean that." It's not a question, this time. He takes another step closer.

"Who says I didn't mean it?" Your voice sounds stronger than you feel.

Taehyung swallows visibly. "I do."

This time, he doesn't sound so sure, and it does something to your heart.

You shrug, hoping it seems nonchalant.

"He might ask me out."

Taehyung shakes his head, huffing out a breath. "You'll say no."

"I like him," you say, honestly, and he just keeps staring into your eyes and it's making it hard to breathe.

He shakes his head again. "Don't say that."

His voice is softer, less sure, and he takes another step, close enough that he could lean down and kiss you with a tilt of his head.

His hands come to your hips slowly, as if he thinks you might push him away but you can't move. You don't want to, damnit, as much as you'd love to believe you did.

When he lifts you onto the counter your arms go around his neck instantly, it's like second nature, and he lets out a long breath as if he's been holding it.

You expect him to lean down and kiss you, hungry and possessive, but instead he just presses his forehead to yours.

"I don't want you to like him," he says in that low, soft tone.

"Why?" You ask, nearly breathless, and that's when he kisses you, slow and deep but somehow needy at the same time.

His fingers dance at the inside of your thigh before he hooks his thumb into your panties, barely brushing across your clit and making you gasp into his mouth.

"I can make you cum harder," he murmurs against your ear. "I can be better."

Instead of cocky and arrogant like his text sounded, it sounds like a promise, a plea, and you wonder if you've gotten it wrong, all this time.

"Taehyung," you say his name softly and he makes this little pleased sound in the back of his throat, presses his thumb against your clit before dipping two fingers inside you, too shallow, teasing. "Taehyung."

“Do you still like him?” He presses his fingers up against that rough spot just inside your cunt that makes pleasure shoot up your spine.

“I do,” you admit, and his shoulders slump, head dropping against your shoulder as if he’s tired, exhausted even.

Before he can back away, you press your hand over his, pressing his fingers deeper inside you.

“But I think I’m in love with you.” Your voice is shaky, but the way he presses his lips to your neck makes the confession feel less vulnerable.

“Thank God,” he mumbles, moving to kiss along your jawline. “You were driving me crazy, jagiya.”

It makes it all seem different, his casual use of that petname, the way he turned his face into your stomach after grabbing you around the waist, as if you’ve gotten it all wrong all these months.

Later, when he’s looking down into your eyes with that same intense look he’s been giving you for months, it all seems to make sense.

When he moves his mouth to your throat, making big, sloppy marks there, you tug at his hair to make him look at you, and he bucks inside you.

“Taehyung. You have to say it.” You insist, firmly.

He pauses, face blank, and then a big, boxy smile breaks across his face. “I’ll text you.”

You’re laughing into his mouth when he kisses you again but when you wake up the next morning with him sleeping soundly on his stomach beside you, you check your phone.

Taehyung: I love you. I love you. I love you.

#ksmutclub #btswriterscorner #2kwords #taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x reader #bts imagine #taehyung imagine #bts smut #bts commission

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fiveisnumber1 · 4 years

Text

Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader

Word Count: 3828

Warnings: None

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23

_________________________

Pt 11 - Lost In The Past

You didn't know how long it had been since you started crying but there came a point where you could cry no more. The tears no longer fell and your screams were nothing more than gasps of air. You felt empty like every last bit of emotion inside you was just released into the hollow house. Wiping the tears from your eyes you felt a gentle hand stroke your hair.

"There there, why don't we go get you some food to eat? You must be hungry after all that crying." Grace says

You turn your head to look at her and give her a small nod. Grace extends her hand to help you stand from the floor and when you stand she wraps an arm around you, guiding you to the kitchen. Sitting you down at the kitchen table, Grace starts to cook while you try to come to terms with your new reality. You had so many questions and yet you weren't sure if you had the words to vocalize them.

"Grace?" You call

"Hm?" She replies

"What happened since I've been gone?" You question softly

"Well George W. Bush served as president until 2008 when Barack Obama was elected to the presidency. The company Apple invented the iPhone in 2007 which revolutionized technology by giving phones touch screens. Youtube, Facebook, and other social media platforms grew to international success during the time you were gone. The-" Grace replies but you cut her off

"No, I mean...what happened here?" You say

Grace stops cooking for a second and turns to you.

"Oh. Well, you and Five went missing on the same day eleven years ago and things were never quite the same. Your disappearances took a toll on both your family and ours. I remember that about three years after you left, your parents packed up and moved to wherever they went. They were so distraught and I don't blame them it's very difficult to lose a child. I recall that back then Diego really tried his best to track them down in case you ever came back."

"What happened to Diego? And the others?"

"Diego left the house right when he turned eighteen, and Vanya, Klaus, and Allison left shortly thereafter which happened about six or so years ago. Luther stayed but now he's up on the moon doing some important research for Mr. Hargreeves!"

"You forgot about Ben." You state

"Oh right...Ben. Ben died on a mission in 2006. I don't know if you saw in the courtyard but there's a memorial statue for him there."

"He died?" You reply shocked

Grace nods.

"Yes and that was the straw that broke the camel's back, after you and Five went missing, and Ben's death, the rest of the children had no desire to stay in the house. It's difficult having to lose all your children one by one..." Grace states before putting on a chipper voice "Anyway here's a grilled cheese sandwich!"

"Oh." You say surprised at her quick shift of emotion "Uh, thank you."

"No problem (Y/N). Feel free to walk around the house and if you need anything else just ask! I'll be in the laundry room." Grace says before leaving

As she exits the kitchen and heads upstairs to the laundry room, you stare at the grilled cheese before pushing the plate away and putting your face in your hands. Everything felt like it was moving at a million miles per hour and you couldn't make it stop. You needed to get your mind off of things. Lifting you head out of your hands you stand up and grab your sandwich off the plate and walk towards a calendar on the kitchen wall. It read November 22nd, 2013. You shook your head and decided to leave the room. Strolling out of the kitchen and around the Umbrella Academy, you look at paintings of the former academy members. With each painting, the number of kids grew less and less as if time was making them disappear. You continue to walk around as you eat your sandwich taking in the empty sights. Passing different rooms, memories replayed in your mind so strongly that it was like you were right there in them again. You could practically see and hear the Hargreeves kids running down the halls and fighting with each other in those dumb uniforms they used to wear but you knew those experiences were just in your mind. This building had become a haunted house filled with the ghosts of past memories that would never come back. Looking outside at the snowy scene you decide to brave the elements and head out to the courtyard. This time instead of frantically looking for signs of life you take in the sight of death. You make your way over to the statue of what looks to be an older version of Ben. The statue has a solemn look on its face as it looks down on you.

"I guess you're the only one left here." You comment to the statue

You got no response. You didn't expect one but it was worth a shot. You looked down at the pedestal the statue was on and read the epitaph.

May the darkness within you find peace in the light

You wrote that to him in the journal you gave him for all of your 13th birthdays. Things really had changed while you were gone. With the cold starting to set in, you head back inside and go stand in the parlor next to the fireplace. Looking up at the painting of Five once more, a mix of emotions started churning inside you. Anger, grief, confusion, hurt. All of them overwhelmed you.

"You know this is all your fault Five." You start to rant to the painting "If you hadn't gotten mad about whatever it was you were mad about neither of us would be in this situation."

You pace back and forth in front of the fireplace, your feelings of hurt and anger growing stronger like the flames before you. You continue to yell louder at the painting in front of you,

"Oh leave me alone (Y/N) you wouldn't get it. Bullshit! Do you see what you've done? Look at me! I have no family, no home, no friends, nothing because of you and your stupid superiority complex! All of it is gone! Do you hear me?"

By this point, you were actively staring down the painting, pointing and screaming at it,

"I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING BECAUSE OF YOU! I LOST EVERYTHING AND THAT INCLUDES MY BEST FRIEND! HOW DARE YOU FIVE! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Child, yelling at the painting is not going to console your grief." You hear a voice say from behind you

Turning around you find Mr. Hargreeves to be standing there.

"Why do you keep the painting up then?" You retort crossing your arms

"I keep it up to remember the boy." he answers, "I told him not to mess with time travel but he refused to listen."

"He thought he was better than everyone." You comment

"He thought he was better than most people, not all, but most." Reginald replies "Now if you're going to be staying here there are going to be rules that you need to follow."

"Who said I was staying here?" You remark

"You have other accommodations?" He questions

You let out a huff.

"No." you reply annoyed

It was true, you had nowhere else to go and this was probably your only chance of having a home of sorts. You heard the stories of what it was like to live with Reginald and although you didn't want to, you knew that you had no other choice.

"Very well. I will have Pogo inform you of the daily schedule of eating, training, and studying."

"Slow your roll old man, training?" you question raising an eyebrow

"Of course. To develop your powers." He responds blankly

"Listen, if I'm going to live here and have to deal with your rules then I have some conditions. First, I will train my powers and let you research them but do NOT expect me to put on a little uniform and become the only member of the second class of the Umbrella Academy. That's not happening. Second, if you want me to learn something it will wait until the weekend because during the week I want to go to school. Third, I have autonomy of where I go both inside and outside this house. I am not going to live my life solely in one bedroom. Do I make myself clear?" You demand

"I see time hasn't dulled that sharp tongue and insolent attitude of yours." Reginald remarks

"Well what eleven years is to you has been like two hours to me." you retort

"Fine. I agree with your conditions and the schedule will be adjusted accordingly but you MUST stick to it and the house rules or I will not tolerate your requests further." Reginald replies

"Deal." You state curtly

"I'll have Grace deal with your living accommodations. Now keep quiet."

"One more thing. You got his eyes wrong, they're a brighter blue." You say gesturing to the painting of Five

Reginald turns to walk away and you flop down on the couch. This is not what you expected when you woke up that morning...eleven years ago. All of it was still so surreal and you didn't know what to do. So you did nothing, you just laid on the couch staring at the ceiling silently and let the world pass by as it had done already. You didn't notice how much time had gone by until you heard Grace call out,

"(Y/N)!"

"I'm here." You reply sitting up from the couch

"Mr. Hargreeves told me that you're going to be staying with us. I'm so happy to hear that! Now I have the pleasure of being able to take care of you too!" She says happily "Let's get you situated!"

Grace and you walk upstairs and into the hall that housed the former rooms of the children.

"You can pick whichever room you want!" Grace explains "Allison's room is all set up in terms of having girlier items, and Vanya's room is smaller but it's barren so you can decorate it however you want! Luther and Ben's rooms are super organized! We can always redo Klaus or Diego's rooms and there's always Fi-"

"I'll take a look at the rooms and let you know." You quickly shoot out

Grace gives you a slightly shocked look before smiling and saying,

"Oh alright, I'm going to make dinner then. Just let me know before bedtime so I can get some clean sheets for you."

You didn't mean to cut off Grace but Five's room was the only room you didn't check earlier. Going in there wasn't something you were prepared to do right now and it definitely wasn't the one you were going to stay in. It would hurt too much, not only because of all the memories made in there but because it looked right across at your old room which was now frozen in time. Passing the closed door of Five's room you walk down the hall and carefully examine all the other options. You saw that Allison and Luther had two of the largest rooms, and you were surprised you couldn't find a hole cut in their shared wall to secretly enter each others. Nevertheless, Luther had only left recently so you didn't want his room and Allison's room had too much of her stuff in it and you knew even with rearranging you couldn't make it feel like your own. Making your way down the hall you saw Vanya's barren room but decided against it because it was too small. Klaus' room was too messy even though he hadn't been there for years and you felt weird about staying in Ben's room since it was still his when he passed away. All that was left was Diego's room. It wasn't as large as Luther or Allison's but it wasn't as small as Vanya's. You still felt a little awkward about taking it but out of all the options it was the best choice. Hearing a bell ring you went down to the dining room for dinner. Mr. Hargreeves was already there standing behind his seat at the head of the table. You stood behind the seat at the opposite head.

"Sit." He commanded

You sat down and Grace dished out food for both you and Mr. Hargreeves. The dinner was silent, the only sounds were that of the silverware clanking against your plates. When finished you excused yourself from the table. As you were walking away Grace asked,

"Did you pick a room?"

"Ah yes, I'll be staying in Diego's room." You answer

"Well it's not Diego's room anymore silly, it's yours! I'll go get some fresh sheets for the bed."

As you head to Diego's room you quickly get an idea to try and make the room more of your own. Transporting yourself to your old room you grab three items before transporting yourself back to the academy. As you approach Diego's room with the items in your arms you see that Grace had finished making the bed. Entering, you place the items on the desk. The diary replica that your parents gave you, the music box, and the teddy bear that Five gave you. It wasn't much but the items comforted you. Putting on a pair of pajamas you got ready for bed. As you pulled the bedsheets down Grace appeared behind you in the doorway and said,

"Goodnight (Y/N), sleep well."

She started to walk away when you called out,

"Grace?"

"Yes (Y/N)?" she replies

"Do you- do you think you could tuck me in?"

You saw as her expression was both happy and sad in a way. Like there was a piece missing that you somehow filled with that question.

"Of course," She replied a smile coming on to her face

You got into the bed and Grace happily tucked you in. Pulling the covers a top of she couldn't help but feel a sense of completeness that she lost years ago. The house had been so empty since all the kids left, but now she had someone to take care of and although the circumstances were less than great for you she wanted to make sure that she could give you the best. Quietly, she turned the light off and closed the door so you could fall asleep.

After that day the Hargreeves house had become your home. Over the next month, you moved most of your stuff from your old room to your new one. Having your stuff helped to make the transition easier although it also made you miss your past. To pass the time, you religiously wrote in the replica diary about each day but instead of writing dear diary for each entry, you wrote Dear Five. You hoped that if he came back one day you could give him the diary to read about what you were up to so it was like he was always there with you. With some help, you got enrolled in school but wouldn't start until after winter break. Even as you settled into the routine of training and living, you still felt all the emotions that you had that first day. You knew you wouldn't get over them immediately but you wished you had a better outlet. Going to Grace one day you asked her,

"Grace, do you have any ideas on how to get these negative feelings out in a healthy way? I know they won't go away but I'm hoping I can make them less strong."

"Hmm. Well if you put the energy that you spend on those feelings into different activities it might help. You could play the piano again or you can take up a physical sport. I heard boxing is really good for taking negative energy out." Grace responds "Actually I think there is a boxing club in the area. How about you check it out tomorrow?"

"Alright, I can try that. Do you think they're open though, it is Christmas Eve." You reply

"If my knowledge is correct, this one is open 365 days a year." Grace replies

You nodded and once you had figured out where it was you put on exercise clothes. Grace bundled you up in a warm jacket and with that, you walked your way over to the boxing club. Entering you approached a desk where an old man sat.

"Hi, I'd like to learn to box." You say

"You're a little small to learn, don't you think?" He replies

"I have a hundred dollars that say I'm not too small." You state holding up the bill

"Can't argue with that." The old man says taking the cash

He escorts you over to a punching bag.

"Wait here, I'll get you someone to teach you." He says before turning his attention "Hey Kraken, get your ass over here. I need you to teach this kid."

Slowly a man steps out of the boxing ring where he was practicing and walks over to where you and the old man are. The old man walks away as the younger man takes off his gear. He says,

"Hey, I'm-"

But he stops abruptly. The man just stares at you blankly.

"Are you okay?" You ask

"Sorry, you look like someone I used to know." He says

Something about this man felt familiar but you couldn't place it. The man sticks out his hand to shake yours. You go to shake it but when you look down at his wrist he has an all too familiar marking there, a tattoo of an umbrella in a circle. You look at the tattoo before looking up again at the man and start to recognize the features of the boy you used to know, now all grown up.

"Diego?" you question softly

"H-h-how did you know my name?" He stutters

"I knew it because you do know me. It's me, (Y/N)," you reply softly

You can see the confusion on his face turn into a softer expression. Although it might not have been evident to his other siblings, Diego was a deeply emotional person and you saw that exact look you were seeing in his eyes many times before when you two were younger.

"No. It can't be. You look exactly the same, you should be my age" He questions, the emotion on his face becoming more evident

"Accidentally traveling through time will do that to you. Please you have to believe me Eggo." You begged

He was having doubts that it was truly you but that all went away when you called him that name. It was a dumb nickname you gave him when one time Luther refused to let go of him. You kept exclaiming "let go my eggo" as you tried to use your powers to get Luther off. No one else but you ever knew of that. Tears formed in Diego's eyes but quickly after he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up.

"Hey everyone! My sister is back! We thought she went missing but she's back!" Diego exclaims to the people in the boxing club

There are some cheers and congratulations shouted from across the gym as Diego puts you back down. For so long he hoped that you would come back and now here you were like a Christmas miracle. You were more like a sibling to him in the short amount of time he knew you than his own siblings were. Instead of learning to box the two of you talked. You explained everything that you had gone through and your current living situation. He didn't like that you were living in that house with his father but he knew that he didn't have the means to house you nor properly take care of you. One thing he did know is that he was going to make sure that after all this misery you could have a better life. Even though time had gone on and he was older now you were still like a sister to him but now you were his little sister and he was determined to protect you from any harm the world might throw your way. He was going to be the best older brother he could be to you and make sure that you would not have to face the life he did.

And so for the next five years, Diego was there for every important moment in your life, always trying to support you and make it better. He dropped you off on your first day of school when spring semester rolled around and every first day after. He went to every piano recital you had and sat front row. When there was a father-daughter dance fundraiser he went to make sure you weren't alone. He trained you and coached you in boxing and was there for every single match. He planned a huge sweet 16 birthday party using what money he had. He was the one who took you on your first college visits when you were 17. He took time out of his days to practice working on your powers. For everything, he was there and on top of that, he regularly took you out of the house to spend time with you. You were his little sister, his true sister and he wanted you to know it.

Along with everything Diego did for you, you were grateful for some of the things you had gotten in the Hargreeves house. After about a year or so you stopped calling Grace by her name and started to call her mom. If androids could cry tears of joy Grace would have the first time that word left your mouth. Pogo had convinced Reginald to get you a piano play and in an odd act of kindness, he did. Along with that, your powers developed greatly under the supervision of Reginald and Pogo. You were able to do more in terms of manipulating the molecules in the world around you and were able to start seeing disturbances in them as well. Life wasn't perfect but through the years it got easier. But although you were growing up and trying to move on with your life, even after all those years Five never left your mind for a second. You missed him greatly and hated that the last words the two of you shared were ones of anger. You wondered if he was still mad at you. Each moment of every day Five still consumed your mind and you hoped that wherever he was, in another time and place, that he was doing okay and that one day he would come back to you.

Check out the side story here:

The Missing Five Years - “Lost In The Past” Side story

Taglist: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @eddiomyspaghettio @lady-celeste25 @im-dead-and-hurting @nerdypinupcrystal @cherry-ki-d @anapocalypseinmymind @vicassa @2cuteforyourlies @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @shadowycreationcupcake @macaroni-mads @metor-showers1994 @fivehargreevesforthewin @rinko-san @supernovavision @cicilisthebest @flickbix @hi-v-juice @magykal-777 @zosiaduda

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ssamie · 3 years

Text

nine. SOFT

suna rintaro x fem! mitsuri reader

(kny x hq)

warnings: spelling mistakes, 2k+ words, italicized words/ sentences are her thoughts, mitsuri’s hair+eye color was used.

gen masterlist. sakura mochi.

"suna-kun, what is this for, exactly?" she hummed curiously as she held onto his hair

"f-for my strength of course" suna replied. he was currently tasked to do a hundred pushups by kita after lazing off at practice for way too many times. and he, for some reason, found it a good idea to make her sit on his back as he does this.

there was really no telling what ran through suna's mind when he thought it would do him well to have her weighing him down

"but wouldn't your arms hurt from carrying me?" she asked with worry lacing her tone as she prompts to stand up

"no, no. stay there." suna demanded as he pulled her back down on his back

"well, im not really the lightest girl on the planet, so this may be really hard for you.. and it's extremely embarrassing for me" she muttered with a frown "and shouldn't i be sitting closer to your lower back?" she asks "this position will give you bad backaches"

she gestured to herself, as she sat on his upper back, way too close to his shoulder blades, while her legs were slung over his shoulders

"im likely to be quite heavier than most girls since my body mass is quite higher than normal, given the muscles that i train" she said "plus.. my more fatty areas if you may" she mumbled as she cleared her throat and nervously hugged her chest

"no, no. you're perfectly fine the way you are, bunny" suna dismissed her self-deprecating comments with a scoff

"besides this keeps me motivated" he mumbled out with a content sigh as he pushed her thighs closer to his face

her hand lightly gripped his hair as she let him squish his face with her thighs. "i don't really get how this is motivating" she chuckled sheepishly

"of course you wouldn't, you're not the one feeling bliss right now" suna said, though his words were slightly muffled "alright then.." she nodded with a bit of hesitance as she felt him tremble a concerning amount

"um. suna-kun, if you think your arms are about to give out, then maybe we should stop for now" she suggested with a smile as she tries to stand up from his back

"nah, i can do this bunny" he declined in a nonchalant tone

"suna , what the hell are you doing?" aran sweat dropped as he entered the gym "oh! he's doing the punishment push-ups, aran-kun" she explained with a smile as suna shakily lifts himself up once more "yeah i get that but-"

"OI, SUNARIN! WHAT DO YOU THINK YER DOING?!" atsumu yelled as he hurriedly ran towards y/n. the blond picked her up from her armpits and carefully lowered her to the ground

"ah, that's it. the motivation's gone. i can't do this anymore" suna sulked as he let himself drop facedown on the ground "eh? is your face okay?" she asked worriedly as suna rolled over, showing his forehead which had a reddish bruise forming

"no." suna responded

"good afternoon everyone, what happened here?" kita asked them as he entered the gym "suna-kun lost his motivation" she replied with a frown as she stared down at the brunette

"i see." kita hummed in response "but that still doesn't excuse him from the punishment."

"cruel" suna mumbled from the ground

"ah, don't worry! i'll do the rest for you" she said with a bright smile as she gets down on the ground beside him "no, no. i don't think it works like that, y/n" aran dismissed her suggestion as he picks her up from the ground

"its fine! he only had to do eighty more, after all" she chuckled as she waved her hand dismissively "i can do it quite quickly"

"y/n-san, you shouldn't face his punishments for him." kita told her with a furrowed brows "after all, you've been a great manager to us, so you don't have to do anything but relax for now"

she frowned from his words and gingerly poked suna's chest, seeing as he was making no effort to move from the ground "but then suna-kun might get too tired to hang out with me later.." she muttered sulkingly as she fiddled with the ends of her braids

"yeah, kita-san" suna mused with an exaggerated pout and puppy eyes "i might not have enough energy to hang out with her"

"suna, you monster" aran snickered as he watched kita have a crisis in his head

"i.. i see." kita muttered in defeat "you can do what you want"

"but you really don't have to-"

"okay, it's your turn to get on my back then, suna-kun!" she said with a smile as she got in a push-up formation "huh? is that really necessary, bunny?" suna gulped nervously "you may not be able to carry me-"

"alright!" she cut him off as she abruptly pulled him down to sit on her, "tsumu-kun, count for us please!"

"right right!" atsumu nodded in excitement as he got down to cheer her on

"you see this, samu?! y/n-chan could probably do this better than you!" atsumu laughed tauntingly

"hah?! she's probably also better than you, fatsack!" osamu yelled back in aggravation

"hah?! well atleast i'm better than you!" atsumu defended "we'll see about that" osamu scowled as he got down on the ground beside her

"fine then, i'll just join to prove you wrong!" atsumu huffed as he too got ready to do push-ups

"theres more of us now! that's great!" she cheered cluelessly as she gave the twins a grin "alright, i'll count" suna mused as he pulled out his phone to take a video

"ready, set, go!" and thus, what was supposed to be a punishment had turned into a competition.

"h-how many have we done?!" atsumu wheeze out as he felt his arms start to tremble "hm, about a hundred and fifty maybe" she answered him with a hum as she continued to push her self up and down from the ground

"that's way more than needed!" atsumu whined

"you could always give up if you can't do it, tsumu!" osamu taunted his twin, even though he was facing some troubles as well.

"hmph, as if! this is easy!" atsumu boasted with a grin "i could do this in my sleep"

"im glad to hear that, tsumu-kun!" she beamed happily "shall we do another hundred then?"

atsumu's face dropped as she heard those words leave her mouth. his skin was turning ghostly pale as he nervously laughed in response. "a-another hundred?" he squeaked out

"yep! suna-kun seems to be enjoying this quite a lot, after all" she said with a smile as she looked at the brunette

suna was currently taking way too many selfies, which were all taken at a facebook mom angle, while he throws up peace signs and flipping off the twins "alright, now here we see the miya twins getting absolutely bodied by y/n." suna sneered to the camera as he zoomed in on the twins' faces

"look at her! look at her go!" suna cheered with a playful smirk as he patted y/n's braided locks

"the absolute best. spectacular. amazing. never been seen before. better than all of you." suna listed out

"yuh, get it best friend" suna chuckled as the twins finally gave up and let themselves drop on the ground

"ah, over already?" she said "usually i would have to do a thousand for our typical training session with my friends"

"your friends are not normal! who the heck does that?!" atsumu shrieked in horror "well, it doesn't matter now, doesn't it?" she laughed carefreely "you both did a very nice job!"

she patted their heads with a proud smile as she handed them two towels to wipe off their sweat "thanks" the twins mumbled out with a droopy smile as they relished in her sweet and gentle touches

"anyways.." she said as she abruptly retracted her hands, much to their displeasure, and turned to face suna "suna-kun, we can hang out now, now that that's done" she said in an eager tone as she excitedly rocked her heels back and forth

"yup. thanks again bunny" suna said as he slung his arm around her shoulders "but you really didn't have to do that for me" he said with a lazy hum as he led her to the benches

"oh, it's fine. it was honestly pretty easy-"

she cut herself off as she was met with suna's face inching closer to her, while his hand reaches out to hold the side of her head "eh?" she squeaked out as she blinked to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

'is he.. is he gonna kiss me?' she thought to herself

'im not ready!' she panicked as she felt her face start to get hotter

'no, no. im ready! i've been dreaming of this!' she pondered with determination

'suna-kun is gonna kiss me!' she squealed internally

'then afterwards, we can get married and live together and have a family of bunnies and hamsters! maybe we can adopt tanjiro and nezuko too-'

"your hair's all messy" suna mumbled as he grazed his fingers through the long braid before finally taking the hair tie off at the ends

"ah." she huffed out with a blank smile

she sat still as he took off her other hair tie and started undoing and untangling her braids, leaving her long and thick pink and green hair flowing down in pretty waves upon her back

"turn around for me, bunny" suna commanded in a whisper as he patted her waist to turn "o-okay" she replied nervously as she obediently turned around and kept her hands on her lap

"your hair's so pretty, bunny" suna whispered to her ear as he started combing his fingers through her soft locks "really? thank you, suna-kun" she mumbled out in gratitude as she flusteredly rubbed her hands and thighs together

"and your hair colour's so adorable. makes you look so cute" suna cooed as he played with the ends of her hair

"r-right.." she mumbled quietly as she covered her reddened face with her hands. silence had washed upon them along with the various voices of the team as suna started braiding one side of her head

"where did you learn how to braid, suna-kun?" she asked in curiosity as she held down the other half of her hair "my sister made me do her hair all the time, so i just got better as time went by" suna explained with a shrug

"can't say her hair was as nice as yours though" suna sighed "it was like a rat's nest with all the knots"

her eyes shined in adoration as she heard his adorable reason. she gripped her pounding chest as hearts start surrounding her form "suna-kun, that's so sweet!" she squealed "i never expected that from you!"

"guess so, hm?" suna mumbled out nonchalantly as he tied her hair in place

'ah, just as i'd thought' she thought to herself

'he's the perfect husband after all!' she cried happily in her mind

"anyways, what'd you wanna do?" he asks her as he proceeded to braid the other side "hm, we could go to the same place kiyoomi-kun and i went to yesterday!" she suggested with a grin

"he liked it, so im hoping you would as well" she hummed happily as suna ties the end of her braid

"is that so?" suna hummed "where is this exactly?" he asked "its a secret hideout!" she said "but.. its only a wisteria garden and a private teahouse" she admitted

"theres also a koi pond by the back, but kiyoomi-kun wasn't able to see it" she said "i was hoping to save it for you" she admitted bashfully

"for.. me?" suna muttered in surprise

"yeah.. i went there last night to prepare you food so we can eat by the pond and watch the sunset.." she mumbled "but i was also thinking of doing it at night since the fireflies would light our surroundings and it would look really pretty.." she hummed dreamily

suna blinked dumbfoundedly as he listened to her ramble on and on about their planned hangout

"but we could also-oh im sorry" she cut herself off with a nervous laugh "was i talking too much?" she asked nervously "sorry if i talked too much!"

"people say i never shut up, so you can tell me when i'm annoying you" she waved her hands dismissively "you're not annoying me, bunny" suna said with a sigh

he took her shaking hands in his and pulled her up to her feet. "let's go have that picnic you planned out, yeah?" suna asked with a small smile "wouldn't wanna let your efforts go to waste" he chuckled

"okay.." she muttered as she hung her head low. her cheeks flushed a dark pink as she nipped at her lips to calm herself and her pounding heart.

"y'know, your hands are really soft, y/n" suna said as he brought her hand up to his line of sight to further inspect it

"a-ahm! please don't do that!" she laughed sheepishly as she retracted her hand and hid it behind her back "why? what's wrong, bunny?" suna asked worriedly as he stopped in his tracks to look at her

"well, my hands aren't the prettiest so you shouldn't look at them for too long" she said with a shaky smile. suna furrowed his brows and frowned as he listened to her awfully degrading words.

"they're the prettiest, bunny. i don't get what you're talking about" he said

"well, my hands are super scarred because if sword fighting, and they're very nasty to look at" she said as she rocked on her heels "or so i've been told.." she muttered

suna sighed and slumped his shoulders, stuffing his own hands in his pockets as they quietly continued on their way. her usual smile wasn't present as she kept her vision straight ahead. her hands stayed hidden behind her back as well.

suna slyly side eyed her, debating in his head on what he would do, before coming to conclusion with a sigh "c'mon, im in the mood to eat" he said with a yawn

he grabbed her hand and stuffed it in his pocket alongside with his. his thumb lightyly rubbing shapes on the scarred skin.

'what is he doing?' she thought to herself

her eyes glistened as she put her other hand over her chest, her heart beating more erratically than before. "if we do this, you won't feel sad anymore right?" suna muttered as he looked away to avoid eyecontact

"i think so.." she mumbled in reply

"alright then, its settled" suna huffed out. "were walking like this starting now, kay?"

"that way no one'll see your hands since you don't like it" he said. his olive green eyes peered at her as he put up a nonchalant facade to throw her off.

'he's doing this all for me?' she thought to herself

'wow.. suna-kun really is the best'

she smiled happily as she scooted closer to his side. suna sighed in relief as the skip in her step finally came back, as well as the sweet melody she always seems to hum.

"are you happy now, bunny?" he asked her

"yeah! and it's all thanks to you, suna-kun!" she said as she swayed her other hand back and forth while the other stays intertwined with his

"glad i could help, bunny"

"so this is giyuu's fish, and that one's rengoku-san's, that white one with red spot is uzui-kun's" she listed out

"muichiro-kun's fish is dead because he forgot about it and it starved to death" she said

"and this is mine!" she said as she pointed to a certain koi fish in the pond

"i have no idea who those people are, but let me see yours.." suna scooted closer to the water and watched as the fish followed her finger, which she swirled around the water

"i named him koi" she said with a smile as she lifted the fish out of the water "you named the koi fish koi?" suna sweat dropped

"yup! and also because it means love" she explained "obanai-kun helped me name it.. he said it suited me as the owner"

"it does suit you" he agreed with a nod

"anyways, you better put him back or he'll die" suna said as he pointed to the fish in her palms which was flapping around in discomfort

"ah! im sorry, koi-chan!!" she exclaimed as she gently placed it down on the pond "i forgot you can't breathe here!" she cried out as she leaned down to pet it gently with her finger

"have some mochi!" she squeaked out in distress as she tried to feed it a whole ball of sakura mochi. she panicked even more as the fish declined her offering and opted to swim away

"eh?! you don't like it?! are you mad at me?" she sulked as she gloomily placed the mochi on a lily pad and let it float away

suna chuckled and pulled her back by her arm, letting her rest her back on his chest as she continued to sulk "you're adorable, bunny" he muttered with a soft laugh as he rested his chin on the crown of her head

'so soft.' suna thought to himself as he wrapped his arms around her.

"sorry about that, suna-kun" she said "koi-chan might hate me if i don't leave him some mochi on his lily pad like usual"

"though im starting to think he doesn't actually eat it and oba-chan just takes it out by morning.." she mumbled "hmm, im sure he eats it with his fish friends." suna said as to entertain her

"but now, we have to eat as well" he said as he took a mochi and shoved it in her mouth

"mmhm. thwanks suna-kun" she said through muffled words as she chewed the gummy treat. suna simply peered down at her, watching her eat with a single thought causing his mind to go in a frenzy

"should i do it.." he pondered out loud as he hesitantly brought his hands up to her face

"hm? do what- eh?" she blinked dumbly and looked up at him with curious doe eyes "what're you doing, suna-kun?" she asked him

"hmm.. soft." he mumbled

she blinked cluelessly as he kept on squishing and massaging her cheeks, lightly pinching the soft and plump tissue with a look of amazement

"so soft." he mumbled once again as he pinched them one last time

"hm.. what else should we do?" she asked him as she scooted away from him to face him properly. she smiled nervously as suna kept staring at her with his olive green eyes.

his expression stayed monotonous, almost like he didn't care, but the bright and flowery aura surrounded him, said otherwise.

"should we walk home or take the train?" she asked him "the miya's residence and your home isn't really that far away, right?" she pondered

"though, i don't want you to tire yourself out by walking" she said in concern "sorry, am i talking too much again?" she asked with an apologetic smile as she realised he still hasn't responded or moved an inch from his initial position

"its fine, bunny." he spoke "i think i wanna walk home with you" he said as he stood up from the ground and dusted the bottom of his sweatpants

"i'd like to hold your hand again" he admitted through a yawn as he stretched his arms over his head

"eh? really?" she asked in disbelief

"of course" suna reassured her "though, after this i'd like to see you training with a sword." he said "it'd be cool seeing you swing it around and deck some guys, yeah?" suna mused as he looked around the wisteria covered path

"really? would you like to visit the dojo with me sometime?" she asked excitedly with a grin

"sure, bunny"

"i'd also like to meet whoever said your hands were ugly. i'll beat them up."

"ah, there's no need to" she chuckled nervously

"so.." suna trailed off "wanna hold hands again?"

"yes please."

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