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lady-rose-moon · 2 years

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Everything I Wanted

Summary: you didn't expect to wake up to this but hell, you're not complaining.

A/N: sorry that it isn't the best summary but I don't want to spoil the main event!! Enjoy!

Warnings: loki's insecurities, some other stuff?

You awoke to the sound of crows cawing outside and your eyes squeezed shut, trying to chase your dream back into the peaceful depths of sleep only to fail. Sighing, you sat up and rubbed your face, your eyes still shut to the early morning light. It would just be a normal day, you assumed, getting up and dressed before heading out the door to your job.

However, when you opened your eyes and propped yourself up on your elbows, you found that you were not in the same bedroom as you fell asleep in. You certainly didn't have golden pillars at the foot of your bed nor did you ever style your room with green. The windows had no glass and you couldn't spot the half-empty canister of Pringles that you were eating the night before.

Panic spread through you as you looked around the room, your heart rate increasing as you tried to understand your predicament. From beside you, the covers rustled and a deep groan sounded throughout the room before there was silence again and your heart dropped. Had someone taken you in your sleep? What was going on?

"You're thinking too much..." came a groggy voice from beside you that sounded oddly familiar, "it's too early for such things... go back to sleep..."

You froze at the familiar voice and sat up completely, brushing your hand down your face before laying down again. You gazed up at the golden mural above you and studied every detail. It displayed a dinner party with many women drinking from goblets surrounding two men in the middle, arm in arm and laughing cheerily over a boar on the table. Odd, you thought, how odd for a kidnapper to have such a ceiling.

The person beside you shifted and turned to face you, their eyes shut and clearly back in a deep sleep. It took you a moment to realise that this was Loki. The same Loki that you had spent years obsessing over in movies. His eyebrows were relaxed, his face serene, his eyes closed and his breathing light; clearly asleep and at peace.

At that point, you knew you were dreaming. You were lying in the same bed as Loki Laufeyson, of course you were dreaming! But if this was a dream then technically you could explore him as much as you wanted before you woke up at the shrill call of your alarm.

Loki’s soft sigh of peace in his sleep spurred you on to begin your exploration. His alabaster skin looked ethereal under the sunrise peeking in from the glassless window, his features were calm and relaxed, one arm was tucked underneath his pillow as the other rested upon said pillow beside his face, and his strong bicep was on display at that angle and you salivated at the sight of the powerful muscle under his skin. Remembering his sheer strength from defenestrating Tony Stark, your mind began to cloud with images of him using that strength against you. Shaking your head, your eyes trailed lower underneath the covers and you bit your lip as your eyes found his abdomen and what lay below. He wasn’t wearing any underwear.

“Enjoying the view?” came that sultry voice you loved so much and your head snapped up to meet emerald green eyes and a dark blush swept across your cheeks at being caught by the God. “I told you to go back to sleep,” he whispered, one arm snaking around your hip and pulling you flush against his chest as he sighed happily and rested his head on yours, “are you alright?”

You had to be dreaming! Well, if you were dreaming, you might as well play along with the theme. “Yes, I’m fine,” you whispered, admiring the skin of his neck, your hand reaching up to trace his collarbone and down his pecs, taking in how soft his skin felt against your hand even with a few tufts of hair growing over his chest. Your hand settled over his heart and you listened to the calm thump thump beneath your palm.

You glanced up at the God and found his eyes tracing every movement you made. Your heart rate quickened as you saw that a teasing smirk was playing at the corner of his lips, making your core tighten and begin to ache as it usually did when you watched something involving Loki. You hummed and reached a hand up to cup Loki’s cheek, watching as he immediately sunk into the comfort and purred slightly but he had no shame for that fact.

You studied his face carefully, every dimple, every little crevice of his skin was studied lovingly by you. Your hands gently lifted to his hair and you ran your nails through his hair and gasped at how soft it felt under your fingers. “What are you doing?” Loki asked softly and you realised that you had been keeping eye contact with him all the way through messing with his hair and your blush rose again.

You shuffled away from him and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” you whispered shyly, “I should have asked before touching your hair.”

Loki chuckled and sighed as he sat up, the blanket falling to his lap and his chiselled chest was revealed to you. There were a few scars peppered across his chest and arms from battles that he had ridden into beside Thor and you were astounded that your brain could come up with such details. “You needn’t apologise, Y/N, you know I love when you admire me,” Loki replied, leaning over to grasp your chin and pull you in for a gentle kiss.

The kiss was soft and you could feel every ounce of his love for you in it. His lips were soft and cold, they fit perfectly against yours and you instinctively ran your nails back through his delicate black curls. When you pulled away for air, Loki’s eyes remained closed for a few seconds before fluttering open to gaze into yours with a small smile. One glance out of the window was enough to make the Prince pull away from you, however, to slip out of bed. You weren’t complaining when you saw his Godly body on display for you, the deep v on his hips that led down through a tuft of black hair to the most glorious cock you had seen before.

Knowing you were staring, Loki smirked and gazed out of the window, his body facing you but his eyes were gazing out at the sunlit city below. He was used to your worshipping gaze and it never failed to arouse him when your legs pressed together through pure instinct as you gazed at him so when he saw you do it again this morning, he chuckled and looked down at you, watching you sheepishly look away. Curiously, Loki knelt on the bed and grabbed your chin again, studying your face as he hummed, “you’re tense this morning, my love, are you alright?”

“Just waiting to wake up from this dream,” you whispered softly, your eyes never leaving his even as his brows furrowed in confusion and you were quick to add, “this is a dream, after all.”

“A dream, you say?” Loki purred, causing your legs to clench and your teeth to gently nibble at your bottom lip as you nodded. Loki sighed dramatically and stepped away, his naked glory on display for you once more as he walked around the bed to stand before the door which led to the walk-in wardrobe. “If this was a dream, beloved, you wouldn’t imagine me like this,” Loki smirked, green flowing around him before he was dressed in a Stitch onesie with his horns gleaming on his forehead.

You tried to hold back your laughter but failed miserably as you watched Loki walk around in the onesie. You clutched your stomach and roared with laughter as Loki smirked over at you. Just then, someone knocked on the door and as quick as the onesie appeared, it was gone and Loki was dressed in his armour as he stalked towards the door. You listened to the hushed voices before Loki swiftly closed the door and walked up to you.

“I’ll be gone for a few hours, my beloved, remember to meet with my mother in half an hour,” Loki whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead and holding your hands before bowing to you and swiftly leaving the chambers.

You rose off the bed, feeling the cool stone beneath the soles of your feet as you began to pace back and forth. This wasn't real. It couldn't be real. And yet...

Your gaze travelled to the view beyond the balcony, towering cliffs and an endless lake which tumbled into the depths beyond. You knew what lay beyond it, although you hardly dared think it. Home.

Gathering your courage, you stepped closer to the widened doors leading to the balcony, nervously gazing out at the scenery before you. The sky was turning blue under the rays of the sun rising and you marvelled at the beauty of it for a while before resolving to locate the bathroom. You tiptoed across the floor to the bathroom and pushed the door open, walking inside and pushing the door closed behind you. As you looked in the mirror, you saw that you looked no different. Your eyes were still the same, you still had your body type, your hair was the same. So why… why were you here?

Silently, you slipped underneath the flowing water in the corner of the bathroom and sighed happily as it adjusted to your preferred temperature. As you showered, you thought back to your last night at home, how you had gone to bed as normal without doing a shifting routine. The water washed away the suds fairly quickly and you stepped out of the shower and wrapped a green towel around your body before walking back through the spacious chambers and to the walk-in closet that you had seen Loki go to.

You dug through the clothes that looked feminine and decided on a green female tunic, black leggings and boots. After you had pulled on your last boot, an orange portal opened beneath your feet and you were sent tumbling through space before you landed on the wooden floor of the New York sanctum. Groaning, you rubbed your side as you got to your feet and came face to face with Doctor Stephen Strange.

“Thanks for waiting, I guess,” you whispered, wincing in pain at the pain firing through you from the side you had landed on. “What can I do for you, Doctor Strange?” you asked, watching his nonchalant expression mix with surprise before melting away again.

“I am here to talk about you, Y/N,” the Doctor replied quickly and you tensed as the room changed to a casual sitting room with Stephen already comfortably sitting down. Hesitantly, you dropped into the armchair across from him and assessed him quietly. “I am curious how it came to be that you mysteriously appeared in the place of the Y/N that lived here,” Stephen continued as a cup of tea appeared in his hand.

“Believe me, Doctor Strange, I am as confused about this whole situation as you are. This reality is amazing, I’ll admit that but there are so many people left behind in my other reality that I probably don’t have here,” you whispered softly, tears forming in your eyes as you remembered the loved ones you had left behind.

Stephen sighed and leaned forward in his armchair, “you can’t go back, Y/N, that’s the problem. Your soul was needed here and so it is to remain here. Your original world is off limits to you now, I’m sorry,” the man whispered and you sank into the armchair, taking in the news.

You were trapped in this reality, the reality you had wished to live in all of your life but now that you were here, all you could think about was the people you had left behind. “Do… Do my friends exist in this universe? My parents? Anyone I once knew?” you asked shyly, meeting eyes with the Benedict Cumberbatch clone as tears brimmed in your eyes.

Stephen nodded slowly before clearing his throat and beginning again, “but they are entirely different to how you remember them. They have not met you in this reality. You are Aesir in this world, Y/N, far older and more powerful than they are.”

You hung your head as you sighed, hiding your face in your hands before brushing them across your face and trying to centre yourself. “Okay… so I am stuck in this world with no way to get home… I am in a relationship with Loki and… I’m Asgardian?”

“That’s the basics,” Strange confirmed and watched with a chuckle as you groaned and hid your face again. “Speaking of Asgard and Loki, he has been made aware of your disappearance and is panicking,” Stephen informed you and your eyes lit up at the mention of the God, watching as the sorcerer got to his feet and formed a new portal, “so you might need to get going.”

You nodded and walked over to the portal, nodding in thanks to Stephen one last time before stepping through into the royal gardens of Asgard. You hadn’t seen the gardens in the Marvel movies but they were as spectacular as you had imagined them to be and the view of the sky was impeccable so you just knew that Loki would have stayed out way past the time he should be sleeping just to study the constellations.

You swiftly walked over to what you guessed was the door leading back into the palace and decided to try and find your way back to Loki’s chambers. Your boots clicked on the floor loudly as you walked, your eyes taking in the bright colours and portraits hung on the walls. Walking up two flights of stairs, you knew that you were well and truly lost in this palace.

Now that you knew you were well and truly lost, you sighed and slumped against the wall behind you and slid to the floor. “Great, just great,” you moaned, your arms wrapped around your knees as you sniffled, “wake up in a strange reality, get kidnapped by Sherlock Holmes and then get lost in Asgard’s huge ass palace. What a day.”

Your eyes raised slowly as you took in the sight of the floor length portrait in front of you. It was of Loki and you. You were caught mid-dance and you could clearly see Loki’s smile and your own, the love between the two of you was felt on a massive scale when you looked at this portrait. If only you felt that love right now, you missed Loki. Nervously, you pulled at the hem of the sleeves on the tunic you were wearing and you wished that Loki would find you.

“There you are!” came a relieved cry from the other end of the hall and your head shot up to watch as Loki ran in your direction and pulled you into his arms, holding your head and releasing a relieved sob, “when Heimdall told me that you’d been taken from our chambers, I had to see if it was true and then our chambers were empty but now… now…”

“Hey… hey…” you whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek with a small smile on your face, “I’m here, dear…”

Loki smiled down at you and held your hand on his cheek, turning his head to kiss your palm and your heart beated faster at the sight, unable to believe that you were looking at the God of Mischief himself. “Come on,” Loki whispered, grabbing your waist gently as beginning to walk down the hall, “let’s get back to our bedroom.”

You smiled up at him and nodded, resting your head on his shoulder as you walked. As you approached what you could only assume were the doors to Loki’s chamber., Loki’s hand slipped away from your waist and he guided you inside. The first thing that you noticed was the living area had two sofas, fur pelts laid over the backs of them and the pillows plumped. There was a door which was propped open that you saw led to a small library. Another door led to what you would assume was Loki’s office and finally there was an archway leading to the bedchambers.

You took a deep breath before stepping away from Loki with your eyes downcast, causing you to miss the hurt expression on Loki’s face. “I should go for a bath,” you whispered, fumbling with your fingers as you looked up at the God and you watched as a smirk played on his lips.

“I could join you?” he purred, reaching towards you but you swiftly passed him and entered the bathroom with a swift ‘no thank you!’ which left Loki on his own with a frown now taking control of his smirk and worries forming in his brain about being the one that was pushing you away. Did you blame him for being taken? Why didn’t he stay with you? If only he had stayed, maybe you wouldn’t be distant like you are being now?

Closing the bathroom door behind you, you leaned against it and sighed sadly as you made your way over to the golden bathtub opposite the place you showered earlier and you dropped your clothes before sinking into the warm water that was already waiting for you. Staring up at the murals on the ceiling, you thought back to your conversation with Doctor Strange and how he told you that you were stuck here. But another thought slipped into your mind, a memory you had of your friend and you.

“What would happen,” your friend began, sipping her coffee and gazing at you over it, “what would happen if you hypothetically woke up in the MCU married to Loki? What would you do?”

You blushed and looked away from the fanfiction you were reading to stare at your friend with a cheeky grin, “definitely fuck him! Have you seen that man?”

Your friend giggled and took another sip of her coffee, savouring the taste as she closed her eyes and sighed, “I get that! Would you accept that reality easily?”

“I suppose I would,” you grinned, picking up your own coffee and taking a sip, “Loki deserves to have someone who loves him unconditionally and I honestly believe that I can give him the love and appreciation he deserves.”

“Yeah but what if you woke up with batshit crazy Avengers 2012 Loki?” your friend smirked and you rolled your eyes playfully.

“That wasn’t him and you know it. Especially now that we know of Thanos, I know that grape had something to do with my baby going crazy,” you took another sip of your coffee and shrugged, “but it’ll never happen so what do I have to worry about? Fanfiction is my only door to the life I want.”

“I’d like me a bit of Thor,” your friend drooled and you rolled your eyes.

“I know,” you replied easily, used to the way your friend could talk about Thor for hours the same way you could for Loki.

Pulling away from the memory, you sighed and dipped under the water, appreciating the way that sound was distorted now that the water was in your ears. You closed your eyes and began to think. The situation had been brought up years ago by your friend, she had asked what you would do. You knew that you wanted nothing more than to walk out that door and smother the God of Mischief but you were scared that all of this was a dream and that the moment you tried, you’d wake up.

Loki stood by the bathroom door with a deep frown on his face. His insecurities started to creep into his mind, latching onto every memory he had of this morning and changing them to make it seem more like you were eyeing him for the last time, kissing him goodbye, having a final laugh with him before you disappeared. Maybe you only came back because of pity? You had been distant on the way back to his room and he sensed that you weren’t even comfortable with the normal kiss you’d share the moment the door to his chambers shut.

Heaving a heavy breath laced with insecurities and fear of losing you, Loki wrenched himself away from the bathroom door and walked out onto the balcony. He sat down on the stone railing and stared out at the endless ocean that fell into the void and his brows furrowed as he remembered the terrifying moment he had let go of Gungnir.

“I could have done it, father!” Loki cried, a tear dripping down his cheek as he stared up past his brother to his adopted father. “I could have done it,” he repeated, “for you! For all of us!”

“No, Loki,” came Odin’s reply that shattered the last of his faith in the old man.

Thor watched as Loki’s hope died out and called out for his brother to hang on, to let them discuss this but Loki’s grip slackened and he was falling. He wasn’t falling for long, however, when Thor caught his wrist and hauled him into a tight one-armed embrace. “I am not losing you, Loki! Don’t you dare!”

Loki’s carefully built walls crumbled and he clung to his brother’s armour and sobbed like a child as they were rescued from dangling above the void. Once safely back on the Bifrost, dainty arms wrapped around the expanse of his armour and he saw his mother hugging him, which caused him to cry even harder now.

Frigga pressed a kiss to his forehead and ran her nails through his hair. “I know, baby, I know,” she whispered softly to him, “you need help… let us get you help...”

Loki nodded and after that, he was assigned a therapist to talk through all of his trauma, all his upbringing and how he felt mentally when at his lowest gripping onto Gungnir. That therapist had been you, the one who knew him the best, the one he loved more than anything.

Gentle arms wrapped around Loki’s stomach, causing the God to gasp and turn to face you. “Do you hate me…?” Loki whispered, hating the vulnerability laced into his voice as he spoke.

“Hate you? No, Loki, I don’t hate you!” you cried, cupping his cheek and making sure his eyes never left yours for a moment, “I love everything about you. I just had an off day today, you know? Especially being randomly taken by a Midgardian sorcerer!”

“I’ll kill him,” Loki growled, his eyes darkening with his desire to murder the one that had taken you from him.

You giggled and shook your head as you held him close, pressing a kiss to his collarbone before smiling up at him. “Where was your mind just then, Loki? Where were you?” you asked softly and Loki’s heart swelled with pride at how easily you saw through him, how you knew him like the back of your hand.

“Thinking about the day that I almost fell from the Bifrost… the day before I met you, my beloved Loki expert,” Loki answered with a hoarse whisper and watched as your smile widened.

He hadn’t fallen to Thanos in this reality, that was good. But he met your variant the day after? Oh. Of course they would have sent him to therapy so you were his therapist here! You smiled as you sighed, the love you felt for him showing even through the simplest smile. “I’m glad you didn’t let go… I’m glad I’m here with you,” you whispered softly.

“I’m glad you’re here with me too, my beloved. This is our reality, our home,” Loki turned you so that you could look at Asgard but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from your husband.

Yes, this was your reality. You needed to be here now, you knew you would be happy here in Loki’s arms and you appreciated the fact that Loki was always going to be here to help you. You watched his armour fizzle away into a green male tunic and leather pants and you smiled at him, your hands reaching up to hold his forearms as you pulled him down for a loving kiss. Yes, this was your reality. This was your life. Your life with Loki.

~~~~~~~~~~

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