#and would be more inclined to do something else that was more physically oriented

[zara-ivanova]

blood spatter. broken mirrors. fierce, piercing eyes. freshly manicured lips. six inch heels. leaving a trail of broken hearts. leaving before others wake up. manipulation and deceit. spices and herbs. never taking no for an answer. drunkenly dancing on tables. wearing sunglasses inside. vodka in a water bottle.

DETAILS.

full name: zara ani ivanova nicknames: none. dob: october twenty-eighth. age: twenty-one. gender: cis female. pronouns: she + her. orientation: pansexual.

height: 5’ 7”. eye color: blue. hair color: deep brown. occupation: healer.

fc: liz gillies.

WIZARD THINGS.

blood status: half-blood witch/vampire. school: durmstrang. animagus? none. wand:

length: 11 ¼" flexibility:

wood: fir;; there is no doubt that fir wood, coming as it did from the most resilient of trees, produced wands that demanded staying power and strength of purpose in their true owners, and favoured owners of focused, strong-minded and, occasionally, intimidating demeanour. they were poor tools in the hands of the changeable and indecisive. fir wands were called 'the survivor's wand' as its owners were known to come out of mortal peril unscathed.

core: dragon heartstring;; produced wands with the most magical power, and which were capable of the most flamboyant spells. dragon wands tended to learn more quickly than other types. while they could change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bonded strongly with the current owner. the dragon wand tended to be easiest to turn to the dark arts, though it would not incline that way of its own accord. it was also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

BIO.

unable to ever see her reflection, zara had to take the world for what it was. she would never be able to the look in the mirror and give herself pep talks or see the face everyone else saw. she would never see a soul laying behind her eyes. but being half vampire, she was said not to have a soul so there was no point in trying to find one.

being born to a witch and (secretly) a vampire, it came as a surprise to the healers when zara was born with teeth. terror went through the room at a vampire being born. her parents weren’t meant to have children and couldn’t let her go. they made a promise to one another to keep her identity a secret. but what about the healers who birthed her? her father wiped their memories as soon as he locked eyes with his wife. zara was a miracle, no matter what she needed in order to survive.

keeping her secret alive proved to be easier than they expected as she was a young child. as a family they would hunt the forests of bulgaria to provide her with the blood she required to live. however, when zara’s letter from durmstrang came, fear swept over the small family. she had to go. they knew this day was coming but didn’t know how to go about helping her once she wasn’t in the care of their modest country home. after much discussion, her parents decided it was time to share the secret, but only with the Headmaster who was surprisingly willing to help. the hunting would continue during the late night hours while the rest of the castle slumbered.

her time at durmstrang made her strength explode, both magically and physically. her body was made for fighting but her mind went somewhere completely unexpected. herbology. she tried to hide the natural talent but anyone who saw her in the greenhouse could watch her wheels turning as she created mixtures of her and plants others didn’t know what to do with. she was a master but perhaps it was because she was always on the lookout for something to aid her in her vampiric ways.

zara grew into a woman of her own. although her parents tried to lovingly and protectively keep her on a tight leash, she wouldn’t have it anymore when discovered what she she had missing out on. seduction, drugs and alcohol. 

she realized she was able to get much of what she wanted by others because of what she was. she couldn’t charm them as the veela could, but sensuality may as well be synonymous with zara. and once she began drinking and doing drugs, there was no turning her away. however, along with this it became even more clear to her that she should hide parts of herself, especially her emotions. even though she dated at durmstrang, she was never fully committed nor did she want to be. that aspect of her life never changed. all she wanted was to have fun at night and have her nose in a book during the day; a sort of double life that mirrored the one she had lived at home. the only people she showed unadulterated love to were her parents because without them, she never would have lived to see her many days.

zara was now an adult but hadn’t left many of these habits behind. she still partied and still educated herself everyday, carrying a notebook and pen with her wherever she went. this was her way of life. it’s all she knew. all the knowledge in the world couldn’t take away the fact that there was a hole inside herself, constantly a reminder when she passed by any reflective surface and saw nothing. since she couldn’t actually see herself and had no blueprint of what life as a half-witch, half-vampire should look like, she had to create something else. and that’s what she spent her entire life doing -- and would continue doing.

when news traveled to bulgaria of the war, she felt she had the duty to go to london in an effort to prevent the war from crossing country lines. she didn’t want her parents being found out or, worse, murdered. she loved them. they were her constant support and love and there was no way in hell she was going to let anything happen to them, even if it cost zara her life. she never escaped knowledge or her want for power. however, what would be the price of that power? 

zara holds on to hope that the order will be the place where she finds the support she needs to save herself, her family and her fellow creatures. and perhaps the chance to find a way to see herself for not only for what she is but who she is. 

LINKS.

ABOUT | MIRROR | INSPO | AESTHETICS | TAGS | CONNECTIONS

#bio | zara #about | zara

[moemoemammon]

could you write a thing about how the bros would react to an asexual MC ?? I love all of your writing ! it makes me feel so happy and valid, thanks for everything you do !!!

The Demon Bros react to Asexual MC!

(I can vibe with this as a fellow ace ✌️)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

Lucifer might not present himself that way, but he's a man with physical desires. But do you know what he loves more than that?

YOU. Your mental and physical well-being, your emotional and romantic fulfillment, everything about you is his priority.

And do you think he’d stoop so low that he’d be upset by your orientation? No, he takes I with a grain of salt because it does nothing to change how much he values you, and being with you.

If anything, he's happy that he can focus on the more intimate emotional aspects of your relationship. You're the only person he wants to let into his heart, and he hopes you feel the same way.

"Did you think I would be upset? How lowly do you think of me? I assure you, just being able to have you by my side everyday is more than enough, MC."

Mammon

"Hah? That's all??"

Look, Mammon's not always the most... empathetic. Or he doesn't really choose the best words for a situation? He can come off as kinda crass, but he means well.

That being said, he doesn't understand how much coming out meant to you until you tell him. He's not trying to undermine your feelings, but he thinks you're silly for being so worked up.

To be frank, he's insulted that you'd be afraid to tell him! He's THE Great Mammon, you know? He's met all KINDS of people in his time, so something like this isn't gonna shake him one bit!

"Listen, and listen well! I'm yer FIRST. Know what that means? It means yer MY first! W-well I mean... you're the most important to me, so you bein' happy is all I care about. And dontcha forget that!"

Levi

Topics like this were always difficult for Levi. Deep emotions, being vulnerable, offering comfort... Video games made it seem so easy, but there were no multiple choice options irl!!!

Yet as nervous as he was, there was no way he couldn't respond to your heartfelt confession when he saw the conviction, and worry of judgement in your eyes.

He knew that feeling all too well; being afraid of how others would perceive you. Wondering if they'd think you were weird, treat you differently, isolate you...

And e won't let you feel alone! In fact, he suddenly grabs your hands into his own and gives them a tight, but reassuring squeeze.

"MC! I'm... you know I'm here for you, right? I really.... th-... even if I'm not the greatest at this, you know I'll always try for you, don't you? I'll do anything in the world for you! And something like this isn't enough to shake our bond! So don't be afraid to tell me things, okay?"

Satan

He might not look it, being a humongous nerd, but Satan does have desires of those kinds. He's definitely the most demonic of his brothers too, and being the Avatar of Wrath means he's more inclined to act on his desires.

Yet somehow you, a simple human, managed to curb those desires entirely and calm his turbulent heart.

You changed his world; the way he views himself and his relationships with others, the way he handles his emotions...

He can't help but be in awe of you, at times. You calm him even more than the comfort of books and the company of felines. So even if he can't "hold" you, his soul will always be satisfied with but having you near.

"If I'm being honest, I prefer YOU more than anything. You complete me, MC. The calm face I'm always upholding... it feels so much more natural when you're with me. I'm happy when you're with me. It almost feels like a fairytale, so... what more could I ask for?"

Asmo

Bro,,,,,,, 😔✌️💦

Jokes aside, Asmo is the Avatar of Lust, so you already know how he feels about physical relationships.

But since you've come along, he found himself understanding the importance of actual heartfelt romance. There's so much more to love than what he realized.

Even if all he knows is the physical aspect of showing his love, he finds himself valuing the romance even more. The way you look right through his facade to see who he is inside, the way you pick apart his personality and admire the softest parts, the way you genuinely enjoy his company for more than what he can give you...

"Why are you making that face? Did you think I'd whine and cry over it? Love, if there's ANYTHING in this world I care about more than physical affection, it's YOU. You know that, don't you? Now give me your other hand so I can start on the rest of your nails~"

Beel

Is that a food

JK Beel isn't THAT much of a muscle-head. He might not the type to take much of an interest in sexual orientations, but he at least has a general understanding of them. Just doesn't give em too much thought.

But I can kinda see Beel leaning that way? Of course he'd be fine with whatever you ask of him, but he's more interested in emotional fulfillment, rather than physical.

When it comes to you and the people he cares about, what he loves most is to see everyone happy. And you? He loves spending time with you. Eating with you, playing sports, hiking the mountain trail, sightseeing in town, yoga... Beel wants to experience so much more with you.

"You do know that I don't mind about that, right? Um... I like it best when you're smiling next to me, so I want to do my best to keep things that way. If that's all, then do you want to go to Madam Scream's with me? I want to get you something. My treat."

Belphie

"Ah, that's a shame..."

He's kidding, as a gremlin like him tends to do, and emphasizes that when he sees the sour face you make. Belphegor may be the type that likes it best when he gets what he wants, but that's in moderation.

What he wants the most in this world, more than sleeping, stargazing, or anything else, is you. He hardly got to spend any time with you compared to the other brothers! Do you really think he wants to spend that time thinking about touching you?

He wants to know your heart, and give you his in exchange. He wants to show you that what he introduced himself to you as isnt who he really is. He wants you to know how much he REALLY cares, more than his words can convey. Maybe one day, he'll be able to say it properly?

"You really worry about the strangest things, don't you? Getting so worked up... Come over here." Belphegor wraps his arms around you, making sure you can hear his heartbeat. "....That's what you're doing to me. Can you hear it? Spending everyday with you, like I'm stuck in the perfect dream.. do you think I'd give it up all because of that? I'm way too greedy. I'm keeping all of you, that part and all."

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me! #obey me! shall we date? #shall we date obey me #shall we date? obey me! #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me writing #obey me fanfic #obey me mc #obey me brothers x MC #obey me demon brothers #obey me asexual mc

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Andrew Ford was questioned and fetishized when he came out as bisexual. The gay community insisted he wasn’t being honest with himself; women at clubs started to excitedly fantasize about hooking up with two guys at the same time.

All the while, the soccer standout stayed true to himself. Ford came out his freshman year at Malone University, a small Christian liberal arts college in Canton, Ohio — home of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. His friends and teammates were accepting, which was an incredible relief. But his journey into the LGBTQ community was a little more rocky.

“I got a lot of pressure from the gay community,” Ford told me recently on the phone. “I felt like I was misunderstood, and didn’t know who I was.”

Ford is one of an increasing number of openly bisexual college-aged athletes whom we’ve profiled recently on Outsports. Despite some surveys showing more Americans identify as bisexual than either gay or lesbian, there is a dearth of bi visibility in pop culture and sports.

As bi sportswriter Jeff Rueter challenged me: “name a bisexual man, and don’t say Frank Ocean.”

These kick-ass kids are going to change that.

Biphobia is real

Let’s start here: Biphobia is real. It manifests itself in gestures as seemingly fleeting as dismissive jokes, and actions as harrowing as outright physical violence. Bisexual people typically suffer significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety, domestic violence, sexual assault, and poverty than lesbians, gay men, or straight cisgender people, according to the Human Rights Campaign.

A black-and-white society, most of us grow up with the notion people are either straight or gay. Those attitudes have historically prevailed in the LGBTQ community, too.

Alex Keuroghlian, the Director of the National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center at the Fenway Institute, says bisexual people can be looked at skeptically.

“Within LGBTQIA+ communities, there has historically been a stigma toward bisexual people, and the false notion that they’re really gay and lesbian people who haven’t accepted that about themselves,” he said.

Megan Duthart, a rower at Washington State University who identifies as both bi and queer, has experienced the stigma first-hand. She says she thinks bisexual people are often excluded in the LGBTQ community.

“I’ve struggled a little bit with being identified as an ‘other’ in the community with the term ‘bisexuality,’” she said.

Why are bi people targeted for erasure?

More people are identifying as bisexual. Over three percent of U.S. adults say they’re bi, according to the 2018 General Social Survey. That’s three times the number as 2008.

And yet, bi people are still targeted for erasure. One of the ways it happens is through language. When people see same-sex couples, for example, they may be inclined to label them as “gay” or “lesbian,” without considering that one or both of the people could identity as bi.

While Americans’ attitudes about sexuality are evolving, many still adhere to more binary definitions of sexual orientation. A recent YouGov poll found 41 percent of American adults don’t think sexuality is a spectrum (conversely, 37 percent think it is).

As Ford puts it, bisexuality is stereotypically viewed as “the stepping stone stage.” That ties into one of the more insidious aspects of bi-erasure: the belief that it’s just a phase. It’s a line Ford recalls hearing many times, from both men and women.

“(Gay men) said, ‘I came out as bisexual first. It’s just a phase, you won’t be there long,’” Ford said. “I was also scared how women would think about it. They wanted to change me. Some of them wanted to use it as a thrill they were seeking.”

When professional hockey player Zach Sullivan came out as bi, his father told him it meant he was still making up his mind.

“I remember what my dad said when I told him,” Sullivan said. “‘Well, you aren’t all the way there. You haven’t really decided.’ I was like, ‘no, I know I’m attracted to both genders. I’m not halfway towards coming out as gay.’”

The bi burden

Every LGBTQ person can relate to the fear and anxiety of coming out. But for most of us, once we do it, it’s over.

That’s not the case for bi people.

“We have to keep coming out to our significant others, whether it’s a man or a woman,” Ford said. “If you’re gay and you start dating a gay, you’re not going to be like, ‘I have to tell you something: I’m gay.’ They’re going to be like, ‘no shit.’”

And once bi people do come out, they could get charged with being greedy — the sexual equivalent of having their cake and eating it, too. The insult angers Sullivan.

“The majority of people in the LGBT+ community have struggled with their sexuality, and when they finally become comfortable enough to come out in the open with their sexuality, I don’t think the first thing to say to someone who’s come out as bisexual is they’re greedy,” Sullivan said. “I took over 10 years to get to where I am.”

Duthart finds the concept of bisexuality can be difficult to explain. She largely identifies as queer.

“I’ve had coaches question whether I’m rebelling or going through a phase,” she said. “Then when I explain the whole queer aspect, they’re like, ‘Oh, OK. That seems more justified.’ I don’t want to have to justify those things, but I sort of have to.”

Changing attitudes

Jack Storrs came out as bisexual last year as a college football captain. His teammates at Pomona-Pitzer rallied around him, and wore Pride decals on their helmets.

But even some who were supportive suggested he was on his way to identifying as gay. Storrs said he couldn’t hide his feelings for men anymore, and came out because he wanted to explore.

Maybe he was gay, maybe he wasn’t. The questions didn't bother him. He was a relieved to have the dialogue.

“It was killing me on the inside,” Storrs said. “It got to the point where I was like, ‘screw it.’ This is who I am, and this was meant to be.”

Nowadays, Storrs says he’s more towards the “gay end of the spectrum,” and expects the fluidity to continue.

He’s cool with that, and numbers show his peers are, too. Generation Z is among the most progressive and diverse in U.S. history. A 2018 study from Ipsos Mori shows only 66 percent of young people today identify exclusively as heterosexual.

Young people have a better understanding of how sexuality can evolve, says Keuroghlian.

“There’s been less of a reflex to box people in, and categorize people in ways that could be static,” he said. “A key part of all of this is not projecting behavior or projecting attraction. People tell us — they self-identify that’s who they are. And we have to honor that.”

Visibility challenges misperceptions

But to get back to Rueter’s question: can you name a famous out bisexual person besides Frank Ocean?

It’s challenging, and the lack of bi visibility may be one of the biggest contributors towards bi-erasure. But that is changing. Each person who comes out as bisexual has the ability to change perceptions within their own communities — and many young athletes are.

Bri Tollie, a bisexual college basketball player at Southern Methodist University, wrote in her coming-out story she refuses to conform.

“It is important to be visible because everyone is unique,” she wrote. “Our uniqueness means no one should not have to give up a part of themselves to conform. It is called self-respect.”

Growing up, Storrs tried to shut off his attraction to guys. He told himself it wasn’t a big deal, but the angst became all-encompassing.

Storrs is done hiding any part of himself. He did that for far too long, and is now out for all to see.

“I am bisexual, and my point is, I don’t really give a shit what anybody else thinks,” Storrs said. “This is who I am, and I don’t have to figure it out, but the reason I’m coming out is to figure it out, or at least get to a point where I’m comfortable.”

With their stories, these young bi athletes are making it more comfortable for bi people every single day.

#bisexuality #lgbtq community #bi #lgbtq #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #lgbtq pride #bi tumblr #pride #bi pride #bisexual athlete #athletes #sports #bisexual #bisexual community #bisexual education #bisexual nation #bi visibility #bi erasure #bisexual erasure #bisexual injustice #biphobic gay people #biphopia #biphobic #bisexual pride

[odetothestars]

Sirius Black Headcanons

Has the most beautiful hair you will ever see. Thick, shiny, raven coloured waves. It's about chin length so not really long but not short. He takes really good care of it so it's never greasy or flat. Often ties the top half of it back in a little itty bitty bun.

Loves when his close friends play with his hair. Will have Lily put little braids in it sometimes. Often just lays his head in Remus' lap without saying anything, and Remus will just run his hands through Sirius' hair for hours at a time.

Cuts his hair a bit at the beginning of summer, I have a thing for shorter haired Sirius. Like not short short though.

He's tall! (Honestly doesn't matter but in my head he's pretty tall. I know a lot of people argue over this but please don't yell at me about it if you don't agree! This is just my personal view! The whole argument about height is so ridiculous because it DOESN'T MATTER)

The CHEEKBONES and jawline that this boy has wow

Eyelashes EYELASHES. Super dark, full, and long! Also very pretty light grey eyes.

Only touchy with the people he's closest too. Like super physically affectionate with his loved ones, likes to being touching one of them at all times. Loved hugs, kisses, holding hands, snuggles of any kind but only with people he really trusts. Otherwise he does NOT like being touched, strangers or acquaintances touching him is a nono. Really affects his anxiety.

His body language is super expressive, he doesn't often use words to express how he's feeling but his emotions are more obvious in the way he holds himself. Sometimes Remus will notice that he's feeling really down so he'll just grab him and hug him without saying anything. James notices too and will (dramatically) recite an ever-growing list of everything thing loves about Sirius.

Super academically inclined, like very intelligent. However, common sense is at 0. He's a genius but also an idiot.

LOVES animals so much! Takes a walk in the Forbidden Forest and has full blown conversations with any animals he sees. Sometimes after chatting with smaller creatures, he'll smuggle them into the castle, then he has to try to convince Remus that he "just HAD to take the animal in out of the cold" and promises to take good care of it in the dorm. "Look how cute Re, we have to keep him" "Sirius NO" "But he'll be cold outside *puppy dog eyes*" "...Fine"

Also brings back little gifts for Remus and James. Little rocks, or leaves, or even twigs that looked cool. "This leaf is kinda the same colour of your eye! It reminded me of you so here ya go!" Remus keeps every single one.

Sometimes forgets that he's not actual a dog...like will sometimes lick his Remus on the cheek insteaded of kissing him? Likes being pet of the head? Gets so excited about the littlest things, like will smile and pant like a puppy when someone mentions walks or treats. Also Jumps on people when he's happy to see them. Will chase balls and sticks in human form?

"Pads, fetch!" "YES! Wait-" *Cue James losing it laughing*

"Sirius want a treat?" "YOU BET I DO" "Ok, Sit" *Sirius sits and Remus drops a piece of chocolate in his mouth*

HATES being called "Mr. Black". Mcgonagall knows this and always calls him "Sirius" instead.

Loud noises are a NO. People raising their voice at him will trigger panic attack. Thunder storms are also really bad.

Despite common misconception, he is not a player. Doesn't sleep with tons of random people because intimacy is a very serious and scary thing for him. Also guessing that he never got proper Sex Ed growing up, not knowing what something is can be very nerve racking. He's also been in love with Remus since he was 11 so ya know

Existential crisis at like 4 in the morning at least once a week! "GUYS WHY ARE WE HERE? WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIFE" "Pads-" "NO WAIT! There has to be an infinite amount of universes right? Because if they end then everything would be nothing and nothing would be everything, which would be happening all the time but also never because time and space wouldn't be real! So what else is out there? Do you think there's an alternate Sirius? What do you think aliens look like?" "...Well he's got a point"

Him and Regulus stay very close! They hang out a lot and bicker like typical brothers, it's sweet. The Potters take them both in.

Loyal to a fault! Would do absolutely anything for his friends, and would defend them endlessly! Has hexed people for making fun of Remus' scars and Lily's muggle parents.

Bad liar! Can not lie to his friends! Super bad at it!

Remus' parents love him

Very clean and neat. His part of the dorm is always the tidiest. "JAMES PICK UP YOUR SOCKS". Will fold Remus' clothes for him.

Detail oriented, remembers the littlest things about people! Like how they take their tea, their favourite sweet, little trinkets they mentioned they liked in passing.

Generous, buys his friends gifts for no reason at all

Wakes up early

Is absolutely whipped for Remus Lupin, head over heels in love.

Doesn't really like being drunk because he hates the feeling of being out of control

Helps first years find their way around the castle. Also tutors younger students.

Wears black on black, leather or black denim jackets, band t-shirts, ripped jeans! Looks very intimidating but is ridiculously soft and sweet.

Cries at sad movies. Hides behind Remus during horror movies.

Cried happy tears when James and Lily got engaged, as well as at the wedding. Also cried when Harry was born. Is an amazing godfather. Absolutely worships that kid.

This ended up being really long oops! But here are some of my thoughts on my favourite boy! Yes I did project myself a little heheh

#sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #james potter #regulus black #hp marauders #marauders era #marauders headcanon #harry potter #lily evans

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things-Something There

Warnings: Mentions of murder. Canon-typical violence.

Word Count: 2.5k

a/n: i am so beyond sorry that it has taken this long to get another chapter out. this doesn’t follow my post schedule that i had previously given, but hopefully this can be a good place holder till later this week. 

The Purest Things Masterlist

May 2008

Bookend: "It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent." -Madeleine Albright

"There's no way I'm doing that," you rebuttal, "Hotch? Tell them it's a ridiculous idea." He stays silent, but his mouth twitches slightly.

Oh, you son of a-

"Richards is a classic narcissist. The challenge of facing a tough, fearless, and intelligent woman will give him his high. Narcissists are drawn to goal-oriented women, women who are resilient, adaptable, yet decisive. Show him that you are a good listener, but don't praise him."

"Think of him like a wild animal," Spencer adds, "You don't feed zoo animals because they are unpredictable. Remember, narcissists have an extraordinary sense of self, and when you praise his ego, you enable his unstable and feeble mind. He doesn't hear praise; he hears how much better he is than you. If you don't feed the beast, he won't have the stamina to combat your confidence later."

"Once you disarm him, I'll come in and challenge his confidence," Hotch concludes. 

Could you have said that less attractively? That would have been more helpful.

Aaron cheekily smirks as if reading your mind but quickly looks away. You wish you didn't blush so fast-that you had some sense to keep your emotions to yourself. In a second, your cheeks are rosy, and you are convinced that everyone in the room can perceive your feelings as if you wrote them on little notes and passed them around.

You grunt and roll your eyes, "I hate all of you."

Derek snaps his fingers at you, "Lose the jacket."

"All men are pigs," you spit while removing your blazer, leaving you in a fitted tank top and your tight-legged jeans that hug your curves in all of the right places.

Derek wolf whistles at you, and you hurl your jacket at him.  Aaron lets his eyes slide up and down your body, his gaze lasting longer than it should. He swears that as you stride into the interrogation room, your hips swing a bit farther side to side than usual. It is the very action that radiates courage, a mind coupled perfectly with itself and the world around it, concentrated and solemn.

Typically, Hotch would divert the task of adulating a narcissist to Prentiss, but he knows if anyone can take command of someone's attention, it's you. How does he know? Because you captivate him far more often than he cares to admit, defying his very being with every interaction. You are a secret weapon that he wants to keep concealed until you can allow your talents to shine genuinely. Aaron knows that now is your moment. ++++ "What is it that I am being accused of? Fraud? Embezzling?" The sharp-dressed businessman questions; his gaze is straying further below your eyes than you care for.

Pig.

You throw a file down on the medal table, and it slides across, stopping right in front of the man, successfully redirecting his stare somewhere other than your chest.

"Try murder."

His eyes widen, "You're joking. Come on, where are the hidden cameras? I'm ready for you to yell candid camera now! I am Milton Richards, for god's sake!"

"I don't know!" You shrug your shoulders. "Why don't you explain this to me, Mr. Richards. I'm just as confused as you are. What reason could a successful, charming, handsome, wealthy business mogul like yourself possibly have to kill someone?"

"Oh please," Richards scoffs, "This isn't an interrogation. You've already pegged me as guilty."

"I don't agree, but you have the right to feel how you feel."

He purses his lips, leaning as far away from you as physically possible while handcuffed to the table.

"Milton, why did you try to escape a moving vehicle when my team apprehended you?"

"Just felt like it, I guess," he shrugs mockingly.

"So, something just randomly compelled you to flee the custody of a federal agent?"

Richards leers at you. You stand up and walk around the table, leaning down next to him, "I get it. I do. You're a suave, wealthy, and ruthless business tyrant. You have to cover your tracks-do what it takes to survive."

He raises his eyebrow, turning to face you, your faces mere inches from each other. I got you now.

"Trust me. I know probably better than anyone what it takes to maintain a position you fought your entire life for. I'm a woman; I had to claw my way into the F.B.I. Do you think it's easy being surrounded by a team filled with uncontrolled testosterone? Womanhood requires balls; I see you keep your balls in your pants, cool, cool. Mine are on my chest, up top. As you've so duly noticed."

His eyes flicker to the aforementioned area, and you restrain yourself from gagging.

"And you know what, Richards? I use them every day of my life. Because in my line of business, sometimes I have to take the backdoor to get things done. Why do I get the sense that you were the same way before you became Mr. Wolf of Wall Street? How else does a kid who grew up in the projects become a multi-millionaire mogul by 27?"

"We both know what the other is capable of. C'mon, let's show each other a bit of respect here. No games, let's be upfront with each other," you appeal. ++++ Aaron watches as you work the room like it is your stage. You play the part perfectly.  He admires your ability to absorb things and then responded rather than immediately react to douse firey circumstances rather than add to the flames.

Derek finds himself next to Aaron, smugly observing Aaron's visible fascination with you.

"She's fantastic, Hotch," Derek beams with pride. Hotch holds his breath behind pursed lips in an attempt to barricade himself from the feelings of foolish jealousy he feels creeping up.

I know she is. I think I recognize it a little too well.

Aaron knows that Derek will be scrutinizing his reaction to the commendation and refrains from responding.

Of course, Derek reads this lack of a reaction as a response itself. And he finds it strangely amusing. ++++ "Here's what I think happened," you twirl your finger around the manilla file, "I think you were having some money troubles and your top investors caught onto your little games. When you sat down, you volunteered the crimes fraud and embezzlement as reasons you assumed we brought you into custody. You listed them like they are apparent reasons for us to charge you. Those are two areas you are clearly willing to take the fall for and have cause to oblige by."

Opening the file, a photograph is revealed within of a murder victim. Richards shifts uncomfortably in his seat, stifling a cough.

"Do you know this man?"

"N-no," he claims as his eyes flutter from the photo to his hands.

Surprised by his blatant tell, you glance back at the two-way mirror.

Turning back to the suspect with a newfound spark in your eyes, you press harder, "Strike one. Try again."

"Excuse me?"

"The man in the image is Walter Barone, the C.E.O. of Jameson Whitely Associates...your accounting firm. Your company was going bankrupt, Milton. There was nowhere left for you to turn. So, do you want to try that again? This time, answer my questions directly and honestly."

"Walt had a reserve saved for me worth $5 million. Last week when I approached him about dipping into the fund to keep the company afloat, he withheld it. I wouldn't kill him for it, though."

"Well, see, that's the problem here, Milton. When he was found, that little reserve of yours was nowhere to be found. Naturally, you can assume where my mind goes when I try and put two and two together, right?"

"I told you," he says, clearly provoked by your accusation, "I wouldn't...didn't kill him."

"Wasn't it you, in your book, right? Who said, 'It's surprising what a man will do when properly motivated?' I don't know about you, but losing everything you'd ever worked for and having your one saving grace held from you seems like pretty good motivation."

Silence. "Oh, come on, Milton, now is not the time to act so arrogant!"

He slams his fists on the table; you abstain from being startled in an attempt to show him no fear.

Wild animals can smell fear. 

"Arrogant, huh? Why don't you step up and prove me wrong? Prove you're better than me. You despise me for being successful; I despise you for your assumption that you could waltz in here like a tramp and seduce me into giving myself up. What? Too harsh? I'm not sure you and I are even the same species."

Hotch bursts into the room, and you quickly signal for him to stand down. I've got this.

He gives you a prideful wink. I know you do.

Somehow Aaron being in the room gives you that last little push to conclude this grand performance of yours. Slowly, you begin clapping dramatically for his little one-person comedy act. He certainly knows how to play the fool.

"Is that a dare? Challenge accepted. Your entire life, you have suffered from a disease... a fragile ego. You have built these walls of detachment so that you can conveniently solicit status to hide your true, weak self. You lash out because you feel it compensates for your insecurities."  

"The truth is, despite being at the top of the corporate chain, every day you lead the life of a loser. You are willing to destroy people psychically, emotionally, and mentally. And you view that as a cause for celebration. You are the embodiment of a loser and abject failure."

Hotch touches the small of your back; you shiver at the sudden warmth that fills your body in reaction to it. He hands you a piece of paper, one that seals Richards' conviction.

"Milton Richards, you are under arrest for the murder of Walter Barone, Hank Simmons, Frankie Lisbon, and Jillian Ryder."

Hotch motions for you to do the honors.

"By all means, lead the way."

Holding yourself proud and tall, you waltz over to Milton and hoist him out of his chair. Inclining your lips to his ear, you tell him contemptuously, "You lose."   ++++ "Way to go, superstar! You had us all on the edge of our seats," Derek says, wrapping his muscular arms around you. You breathe in his cologne and savor the sensation of being in his arms.

Since the day you met Morgan, you've felt a draw to him. Not in a romantic way, though you proudly admit he is hands-down one of the most gorgeous men to set foot on earth. He gives you the feeling of safety, warmth, and brotherly love. His hugs rejuvenate you after a long day of work, and you see to it that neither of you leaves the office without receiving your signature embraces.

Aaron observes you and Derek's shared embrace from the shelter of his office. Before he can comprehend his movements, his legs carry him to the terrace overlooking the bullpen.

What do you think you're doing, Hotch? Pull yourself together. They’re friends. Just like you and her are.

Dismissing his inner voice of reason, he calls out to you, "Y/L/N. See me in my office."

You grimace at his tone of voice but abide by his request.

Derek chuckles, "Green is not that man's color."

"What?" You turn to him, confused.

"Goodnight, superstar."

"Night, handsome," you blow him a kiss, trying to brush his comment out of your mind.  ++++ "You summoned?"

Aaron's whiskey-colored eyes meet yours. The tempo of your heart quickens like a metronome.

"You did a phenomenal job in there."

"I've learned from the best." You. I've learned from you.

He clears his throat, "Those things you said...a-about the men on this team. Is that how you truly feel?"

Shocked by his willingness to believe such a misleading statement, you gasp and close the distance between the two of you.

You must have some nerve to believe that I would ever view you as anything other than the most upstanding man I've ever met.

"Aaron, what I said in there is further than the truth than I would have liked to have strayed. In fact, it was with you that I finally felt equal as a human being-like someone recognized me for my intellect and self-worth. A woman can't acquire that regardless of how 'equal' this world claims to be."

Aaron finds himself lost in your eyes, absorbing every meaning behind your words.

"It was a freeing feeling having someone I respect so highly show me similar respect."

No. Don't stop talking. Please. Hotch blushes at his inner monologue, incapable of comprehending precisely what kind of influence you hold on him.  

"Anyway," you laugh, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in your face, "Sorry for my little tangent."

"No," Hotch interjects firmly, "Never apologize for expressing your feelings. I assured you last year that I'll always be available as a sounding board for you. That offer still stands."

Your gaze softens as you study him, his intentions, his mannerisms. He notices your pupils dilate, and it commences a chain reaction within his veins. To him, it's not the fact that you radiate beauty on the outside. Sure, you are physically fit and put in the effort to maintain your appearance. Naturally, that would be why someone like Derek Morgan would have you on his radar.

But, Aaron has gradually grown accustomed to the kindness that you seem to reserve just for him. He sees the differences between how you act around the team versus when you step inside his office or are alone in the car with him, even the way your confidence elevates when he walks into the interrogation room.

These differences aren't unique to just you, though. Aaron notices the same changes in himself when he is around you. Never did he expect to go home from work and lie in bed thinking about the way your eyes strayed on his for a moment too long, or how as he completed paperwork at his desk, he'd replay in his mind a cheesy joke you told the team. He knows how you like your coffee from observing you in the break room one too many times.

One cream, two sugars.

Your laughter warms his body from the inside out. When you talk about your favorite comic book with Prentiss and Morgan, the twinkle in your eye never fails to bring a smile to his face. He knows that you hate getting out of the car when it rains because your perfectly straightened hair that you spent god knows how long on will undoubtedly curl.

His changes were less evident on the outside. But, he knew that deep down, there is something there that wasn't there before.

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[saiqherrr]

.could not be tainted part two (s. getou)

.pairing suguru getou x fem!reader

.content warning mentions of death, jjk 0/gojo's past arc spoilers, angst, fluff :)

.synopsis "that voice. you... heard it somewhere before. it was...it’s his. that’s suguru’s voice. why did he sound so distant to you? why did he sound so far away? why did he sound so unfamiliar? why did he say that?"

.a/n i don't have a lot to say but i am very invested in what i wrote so i wrote a lil part two. i don't see a part three... maybe that'll change. we'll see.

IF YOU DID NOT READ PART ONE, READ HERE.

“PLEASE STOP LOVING ME AFTER TONIGHT, Y/N...”

that voice. you... heard it somewhere before. it was...it’s his. that’s suguru’s voice. why did he sound so distant to you? why did he sound so far away? why did he sound so unfamiliar? why did he say that?

you felt invisible sensations of lips being pressed against your earlobe, cheek and neck. “stop fighting it.” you felt as if your body was being controlled by someone else, your hands reaching to do something until some sort of force is pinning them over your head.

“suguru...” you called out to him out loud, your face strained with your eyes closed. beads of sweat accumulated on your forehead and you laid in your own pool of it on the bed. your hand unconsciously lifts up, reaching for something in the air that wasn’t there. “suguru...?”

“y/n?”

with a large gasp, you hastily shot up in the bed, trying to catch your breath. you placed a hand over your racing heart, feeling it pulse against your hand over and over. the voice that had called your name was the man laying beside you with a baby on his chest.

suguru.

“are you okay, y/n?” he asked you, a concerned look on his face. your one year old daughter, sumiye, laid on her stomach on top of chest, rising and falling with it each time he took a breath. her face was turned away from you and her small arms hung lazily on either side of him.

you eventually steadied your breathing, wiping away the sweat on your forehead with the back of your hand. “i-i’m okay...i just..had a bad dream.”

suguru cocks an eyebrow. “really? you were saying my name...”

unusually, you remembered every last detail. normally, you forgot about your dreams the moment you tried to remember this. this wasn’t a dream you wanted to recount though. the dream felt more like a memory rather than some random scenario your brain had randomly came up with.

“i don’t remember it,” you lie in a soft voice. you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the details. you look over at your child, leaning over to smooth her black hair down with your hand. “did i wake her?”

suguru shakes his head, no and closes his eyes as he relaxes in bed again. “you were moving a little. i didn’t want her to get squished in between us, so i moved her,” he answers you with a yawn. a relieved smile spreads across your face, adoring how he was always mindful of your daughter.

you were reminded of your physical state when you felt your shirt sticking to your back due to you excessively sweating. you sighed heavily as you swung your legs from under the covers and stood up from the bed, stretching your arms, yawning.

“i’m gonna take a quick shower,” you tell him before trudging to the bathroom. you felt icky, gross, and you needed to further relax yourself from having such an intense dream.

you still couldn’t get over how...real it felt. the way it lingered in your brain didn’t feel right. the dream was too realistic. it felt like deja vu to think about it. as you undressed yourself in the bathroom, you ran your fingers across your forearms as if something was something to be there, but there wasn’t anything there. you felt like you were in someone else's body. nothing felt right to you. nothing felt normal this morning. why?

you hoped that maybe the shower would clear your mind, but it didn't. it only caused you to ponder about it even more. dreadful images of a cold glare staring down at you flashed in your mind. thinking about the sensations of a rough hand around your throat had you struggling to breath through the hot steam that came from the shower. your hand frantically turned the water to a lower temperature, however, the coldness of the water matched the coldness of the words that were said to you in that dream.

“stop fighting it.”

you gave up on taking a relaxing shower, sighing heavily as you turned the water off and pushed the wet, glass shower door aside and stepped out, your toes welcomed by the mat that was in front of you as it absorbed the water that rolled down your legs.

as you dried yourself with a towel and took care of your hygiene, you could hear distant crying on the other side of the door. sumiye. you went still, trying to hear what was happening and you could hear suguru's voice trying to sooth your daughter, followed by a "shhhh, shhhh, shhhh."

you smiled to yourself, blessed to be with such a nurturing and caring man. you never found him to be family-oriented, but maybe that trait came after you had sumiye. you tried to reminisce about what it was like while you were sitill pregnant, but the memories came in like static. everything was noisy, fuzzy. when you could clearly imagine a clear image of when you were pregnant, it didn't have suguru in it.

what the fuck. you felt like you were losing your mind ever since you woke up.

you put on your bra and underwear and wrapped a burgundy, silk robe around your body before looking in the mirror. you body jolted when you saw an almost clear picture of suguru standing behind you, looking disheveled and...malicious. there was an evil glint in his eye that kept your body frozen in place, gripping onto the bathroom counter before you and gulping.

“just because i’ve lost my mind, does not mean i do not love you.”

those words circled around your head like dizzy stars. they were a part of that dream you had. for fucks sake, you really had to get out of your head. with a simple blink, suguru was gone. you waited a bit before moving again.

you rub your temples in circular motions, trying to ease yourself before you came out of the bathroom. your nose followed the smell of bacon that came from the kitchen. you were greeted with the sight of suguru sitting in a dining chair, feeding soft, scrambled eggs to sumiye and bacon was sizzling in a pan.

how long were you in that bathroom?

sumiye brought her attention to you once you entered the room, a blank expression on her face. the corners of your mouth turn upwards as you smile at her.

"hi, pretty mama," you cooed at her, approaching her high chair to pick her up. sumiye responded with a gummy smile and gurgled gibberish. you giggle as you beam at your child, looking back at suguru who had a soft smile on his face.

“i think she doesn’t like scrambled eggs,” he comments with a sigh, getting up after putting the plastic baby spoon back onto the plate. he makes his way back to the stove to check the bacon.

you laugh at his comment and shake your head as you sit yourself in the seat he was previously sitting in. sumiye sat on your lap and you took a spoon of the eggs and pressed it against her slobbered, small mouth until she opened it and swallowed the food. “or maybe she’s just a mama’s girl,” you teasingly respond to suguru.

he turns around, seeing that sumiye was happily eating the eggs while you made silly faces and baby-talked her. “she must be,” he mumbled. he turned over the bacon a couple more times until he was satisfied and placed it all on a plate. by then, sumiye had finished her food and you had placed her in her bouncer. you plated yourself your own breakfast and sat at the table while suguru did the same. you both ate in silence, occasionally bringing your attention to sumiye to make sure she was alright.

suguru had left to go to work shortly after breakfast. the rest of your day was lazy, watching and playing with sumiye. that dream still lingered on your fucking mind. you still kept seeing glimpses of a dark shadow around the apartment, mimicking suguru's silhouette. that evil, twisted version of his voice was playing in your head non-stop. you couldn't catch a break. why was a simple nightmare eating you up so fucking much?!

you put sumiye down for her nap before taking melatonin and falling asleep on the bed to take a decent nap, letting all your worries drift away. you got two hours in before the empty side of the bed sunk in from someone else's weight. your eyes shot open and you rolled over, laying on your back and turned your neck to see... no one.

as soon as you went to turn back around again, there he was, hovering over you.

“please stop loving me after tonight, y/n,” he whispers in your ear as he inclined down and began to kiss your earlobe, moving to your cheek and then your neck. your eyes augment at his sudden words.

that's when it finally clicked. this was all a dream. and as expected, some strange force owned by the universe had pulled you out of such a deep nightmare and had you gasping for air in your bedroom, drenched in your sweat even though vent above your head was blowing freezing cold air. your eyes burned with warm, fresh tears, threatening to dribble over and roll down your flushed cheeks.

a hand was placed against your beating chest as you hiccuped while you tried to recover from the dream, looking around your room to grasp everything - this was reality. even though you knew he wasn't there, you still looked over to make sure the other side of your bed was empty.

you slowly got out of your bed, standing on your feet and took small, cautious steps towards your bedroom door. you opened it, clammy hands anxiously twisting the doorknob. when you finally stepped out of the room, it finally registered that you were home in satoru's apartment. sumiye.

your feet moved on their own as you found yourself quickly making your way to your daughter's room. you opened the door slowly, still being careful not to wake her. besides the moonlight that had seeped through her window blinds, the room was just barely illuminated by a pastel blue nightlight that was plugged into an outlet by her crib.

inside of her crib, there she was, being held by satoru. he had crammed himself in the decently large crib, legs bent while his arm laid over sumiye's small body which was obviously an endeavor to calm her down earlier. his lips were parted, drool seeped through the corner of his lips and he lightly snored. your daughter was peacefully sleeping in the arms of her godfather. this was reality.

even in your dreams, your perception of the evil, wretched man you once loved could not be tainted. deep down you knew that you wanted that dream to be a reality so desperately, for suguru to come home and shower sumiye with kisses - for him to be there.

yet he died happily knowing you were safe, that sumiye was safe, and that you'd be able to live happily without him.

#jujutsu kaisen getou #getou suguru x reader #getou suguru smut #getou x reader #getou suguru imagines #getou x you #suguru geto #jjk suguru #geto suguru #suguru getou fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #jjk imagines #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen

[veethewriter]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well 🤗💞 May I request a matchup? Thank you !

sexuality/pronouns: heterosexual female, she/her

fandom: obey me and mha please !

general/appearance: 18, scorpio, 5’4”, southeast asian, layered medium-length black hair, (tad bit hooded) dark brown eyes that apparently appear as if I have eyeliner on + long & thick eyelashes (if people were to talk ((positively)) about my appearance, it would mostly be about my eyes), light-medium olive skin, medium sized pouty lips (or that i just appear to not smile often 😭😭 “you should smile more” “you look prettier when you smile”), (apparently) thick thighs, soft hands w/ long fingers, (again, apparently) appears as if I’m rich and/or i make things look expensive, overall softer features

personality: I’m pretty quiet at first meeting, introverted (i def need my time alone, and s p a c e), but I’m silly, teasing, sarcastic, and quite loud when it comes to my friends. Trying out different things/exploring stuff is a pretty big thing to me which results into me acting more child-like (i love learning/cus im a student ((of life)), carefree/go with the flow, and passionate. When it comes to my (life) goals, that default “passionate” approach seem to manifest into me being serious/intense and perfectionistic. Preferring to finish an objective (a project for example) in one sitting rather than taking quite a bit of breaks in between. Despite my child-like nature, it would be amazing if my partner respects my wishes and supports my goals without them being too bummed if I can’t make too much time with them because of it for example (I’m quite goal-oriented i suppose).

interests/hobbies: im sure theres more but from the top of my head.. trying/exploring different/new things, anything creatively inclined (drawing, painting, photo/video editing, fashion, architecture, etc.), dancing, swimming, occult (divination, spirituality, astrology, manifestation...), analyses (i love when things are well-thought out and given meaning/has meaning when it comes to characters, shows, art/design, branding...), mystery & investigatory shows/games/stories. 🥴🔍

dislikes: when people gang up on someone without hearing them out first (yeah i root for the underdog, i try to be understanding of both parties but most especially the one that’s being accused) and honestly... being told what to do 💀💀 (but its not like i would refuse to do every thing i was ordered to yk, like i understand that i should comply in a bunch of cases..... especially that I’m not exactly one to stand up and prefer to be a leader..but it doesn’t mean i like it LMAOOO)

Thank you so much again whether you get to do this or not ! Have a nice rest of your day 💓

Of course!! For obey me I match you with Satan.

Satan doesn't mind giving you alone time, mostly because he needs it to sometimes so he understands when you need it. Satan would definitely let you lend books he thinks you would like (his books are basically his babies so take care of them lol). Satan isn't that demanding of you, they only time he gets really bossy or ticked off is after he's had a fight with his brothers.

He never takes it out on you, at least if you don't catch him before he can make it to his room. Satan does spend a lot of time with you, even if it is just him reading in the room while you do something else. He supports and helps you in whatever you do, because he wants you to be successful.

He rarely shows physical affection, so you might have to be the one to start that (it will make him blush a lot and hide his face). For a date he'll probably take you to see a new crime documentary or movie. For gifts he'll probably get you one of those crime solving games, where you solve the case or he'll get you some drawing stuff for you.

For mha I match you with shoto!

Now your gonna have to help this boy with learning about emotions completely because he does not understand them at all. Though he does understand if you wanna be alone, just tell hi and he'll leave you alone for a couple of hours before coming back to check on you. This man blushes even with just holding your hand (he doesn't get a lot of affection from his family after all).

Shoto loves to try your hobbies with you and will even spoil you but getting you things that will help you with your hobbies. Shoto for the life of him can't tell when your being sarcastic, so you have to tell this boy you are. After a while of dating, you'll just start finding random gifts around your house from him.

For a first date shoto would take you to an escape room or he would take you on a walk around the park to just talk and hang out. For gifts he would get you some photo editing equipment and a new camera to take photos with. Shoto loves supporting you whenever he can, especially f you support what he does also.

Nope you like it! ❤❤

#fanfiction #headcanon #short writing #x reader #character matchup #obey me x reader #obey me fanfic #obey me fluff #obey me #obey me satan #satan x y/n #satan x mc #satan x you #satan x reader #satan #mha self insert #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #mha #mha x you #mha fluff #mha headcanons #mha shoto #shoto x reader #bnha shoto #shoto torodoki #shoto todoroki #shoto x y/n

[mfkinanaa]

CAPRICORN RISING.

Born with Capricorn rising (or on the Ascendant), you may notice a duality in your nature between someone who is, on the one hand, serious, organized and capable, and on the other, uncertain about their ability to achieve all the things they want.

This is a curious combination of capability and caution that usually becomes balanced over time.

The characteristics of Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, are pronounced – lending you an executive ability, patience and the ability to master difficult tasks, whilst at the same time, generating fear, awkwardness and an inclination toward pessimism or negativity.

Ambition is often strong, but so too can be crippling doubt about your ability to achieve what you set out to do.

Making Your Way To The Top.

When your Ascendant is Capricorn, the mastery of material resources is a prime concern. You may have a tendency to be stern, strict and serious especially – with yourself. You can be far harder on yourself than you are on anyone else. Others may see you as a harsh task master or a capable leader, and you are likely to be well respected owing to your capacity for hard work, pragmatism and prolonged focus.

You need to find ways to make practical and efficient use of the resources that are available to you, and ultimately master your world. To do this, you need to cautiously plan and structure your approach in order to meet the voice of responsibility inside of you, urging you on toward success and achievement.

Treating yourself as you would a member of your team will help. Would you punish and criticize others as harshly as you do yourself? In the course of a day you are likely to do ten things, eight of which you will do very well. Yet at the end of the day it is the two you didn’t master, the two that were “less than perfect” that you will remember and recriminate yourself for. Rather than focussing on what you have not yet achieved you need to recognize what you have. Then you will see that you are more than able to fulfill whatever task is at hand, perhaps with a more patient approach?

Patience and Endurance.

Achievements may be slow to come by, but are usually certain, owing to your methodical approach. The sign and house position of the Sun in your chart will give you many clues as to how this happens for you. Saturn, your ruler, is also known as Father Time, teaching valuable lessons through patience, commitment and endurance. Hardship and frustration teach you to refine your ambitions whilst developing long-term staying power. Limits, laws and structures must be recognized and obeyed. There is a need to make something of yourself; and this will become a key driving force. Submitting to the need for order, structure and discipline will lead to long term satisfaction and contentment.

Sometimes the inner expectation that life must be hard for you makes things far more difficult than need be. You meet what you expect in the world, and with Capricorn rising you may secretly expect hardship and limitation to greet you at every turn. These beliefs can lead to difficulty in realising your goals. The belief that life must be hard for you often sets things up so that they are! Learning to appreciate your need for hard work and discipline, without seeing yourself as somehow under the thumb of Cruel Fate, helps. Also putting your ambitions into perspective is a good move.

The Pleasures of Life.

There is more to life than hard work and discipline. The potential to enjoy the physical things of life is also strong. You need to let yourself enjoy the journey, and your potential for sensual pleasure. This of course is much more easily achieved, once the crippling limitations of guilt and self-repression are removed. This Ascendant also brings great responsiveness to the needs and feelings of those you hold close. You will work hard for the people you care about. An ideal partner is one who can provide plenty of nurturing and support as a balance to all the apparent stiffness of the ‘capable’ Capricorn mask.

Publicly, you may come across as reserved. Always aware of status and protocol, you will avoid doing anything that might adversely affect your reputation. You will be aware of decorum and following appropriate social codes, but behind closed doors, another story can emerge. This sign is also associated with the festival of Saturnalia, in honour of Earthly Pleasures and Delights. With Capricorn rising you will find a sense of purpose and inner balance comes through pursuing your ambitions whilst giving plenty of time for recreation. By developing your sensual and practical sides you will find satisfaction, whilst reminding yourself that you are far more capable than you let yourself believe.

The Gift of Capricorn Rising.

You are a work in progress and, in the end, highly likely to succeed. Affirming that you are able to create what you need EASILY while taking time to enjoy life’s pleasures will help to overcome any self-imposed limitations. Through perseverance and faith in your own ability you will eventually reach the summit of your desired achievements. If in doubt, just think about how far you have come. You are a born leader and strategist. 

AQUARIUS RISING.

Born with Aquarius on your Ascendant (or Rising), you will find a clearer sense of individuality is gained by stepping back to look at life from an objective perspective.

A detached point of view allows for a logical assessment of the circumstances around you, giving you the ability to find, at times, lightning fast resolution to key issues.

This is the sign of the collective over the individual, the group over the singular.

You are likely to have an especially broad view on society that allows you to mix with a great variety of people.

Your awareness of group and social dynamics is paramount for your overall self-expression.

Putting group endeavours first may override purely personal concerns.

There is likely to be a pronounced tendency to act in ways that will benefit the collective, rather than provide personal gain.

This then is the rising sign of the true humanitarian, who gets what they need in ways that are socially responsible and considerate.

You may be suited to working with large groups of people, especially organizations or groups that have a humanitarian focus.

You may also be drawn to arenas such as science, politics, communications or human resources, and have a strong social conscience.

Usually open to scientific innovation, you can be an early-adopter or work with advances in technology.

Broadcasting also falls under this sign, and you may have significant talents here.

Heightened Intuition.

When your Ascendant is Aquarius, your intellect may be highly pronounced, and you may also be gifted with a strong intuition – able to see the gestalt of a situation in one moment, then make pinpoint decisions based upon multi-leveled dimensions of information. With sudden flashes of illumination you see the next step, and should learn to trust yourself enough to proceed. The sign and house position of the Sun in your chart will give you many clues as to how and where this happens most for you.

This rising sign is both idealistic yet practical, and concerned with the benefit of the group. You may be somewhat rebellious and unorthodox.This is as it should be, for those with Aquarius rising are meant to “bring to earth” their vision of future worlds. Accordingly, you may suffer at the hands of others because of your apparent eccentricities. You may have played the role of the outsider or someone different from an early age, and become used to following the beat of your own drum. Freedom is important, as it allows you to continue being the rebel or renegade, ready to bring about the unorthodox and new.

Sometimes Aloof.

Sometimes, this level of future orientation does not manifest. You may instead display a serious and calculating demeanour concerned with social position, status and due process. Isolation and autonomy become strategies used to defend yourself against close connection with others. In this instance, care must be taken not to become too rigid and crystallized as the years go by. A resistance to change, together with a shrewdly calculated social response, can lead to arthritic and nervous disorders down the track, as well as heart problems.

Personal development comes about by remembering to honour the special things that make you uniquely you, allowing for passion and joy in your life. Extremes of emotion are not usually comfortable for Aquarius rising, and you may have to learn to value your emotions as essential experiences, rather than a cumbersome and embarrassing inconvenience.

You Are Special Too.

You will find your greatest happiness comes about when you find the love that is lying beneath most outbursts of emotion, discovering that vulnerability is not in fact a sign of weakness. You may at times look down upon others when they seek to be recognized and seen as important, for you have an innate dislike of self-centered behaviours, and a tendency to view emotional neediness as a curious weakness found in lesser beings.

Opening up to the emotional and passionate dimensions of your being helps you to avoid aloofness, and lets you realize that in order to be truly human, you need to respond with both reason and emotion. In this way, you gain a clear understanding, and not just an abstract idea, of what being human is all about.

The Gift of Aquarius Rising.

Life is best met with a sense of hope and a happy vision for the future, knowing that through the right application of ideas and technology, humanity can be evolve. You are likely to take up social causes, supporting the ideals of liberty, fraternity and equality for all. Your sense of equality and ability to connect with all can be one of your greatest assets. Even if you feel different from the rest, you can find the group that is right for you if you share your unique perspective.

PISCES RISING.

Born with Pisces on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to be an especially sensitive individual, with an ability to “pick up on” the unseen influences in your surroundings.

Your sensitivity is in fact both your gift and your challenge.

Learning to recognize the feelings that flow through you for what they are, and then find an outlet for their expression, is required.

There is an inherent challenge around knowing how to project your self into the world.

The need to present a cohesive sense of individuality is at odds with the fluid and elusive qualities of this sign.

With Pisces, the urge is to merge with one’s environment and then transcend boundaries.

You may find yourself asking – “How can I project any clear identity when who I feel I am is so open to change”? For this reason you may find it hard to know what you want to do in life.

You could find yourself going along with whatever the most dominant influence suggests, even if it does not really make you happy.

The Chameleon’s Life.

With Pisces Ascendant, you may feel like a chameleon or “shape-shifter”, changing your personality to adapt to those around you. You may have a sense that no-one really knows who you are – because the image you project keeps changing. You find yourself taking on other people’s personalities because it is so easy to become whatever you think they want you to be. This is great if you are an actor, but makes dealing with the real world somewhat problematic. Discovering the essence of your own individuality, and then developing this is essential for your happiness. Thus, a delicate balance between focus and fluidity, between adapting to others and asserting your self, is required.

This dilemma will be resolved by cultivating the awareness that you are part of something greater than your individual self. You will find your strength by seeing yourself as connected to a greater whole. This may seem like a paradox, but is the essence of Pisces rising. Your journey will remind you that there is more to life than meets meets the eye. Through creativity, spirituality or service you are likely to find a higher truth that will give meaning to your life. The sign and house position of the Sun in your chart will give you many clues as to how this is likely to unfold.

Heightened Sensitivity.

You may be very creative, with a strong imagination. You may have a strong interest in film, photography, drama, dance, music or any kind of abstract artistic expression. Or you may inherent creative gifts which can be cultivated. Developing these talents or interest will benefit you greatly on an emotional level and help you find your way through the world.

Or you may have a strong sense of spirituality, with a keen awareness of the transcendent aspects of life. Through meditation, contemplation and prayer you find meaning. You may be especially intuitive, even psychic, able to connect with higher dimensions and bring spiritual knowledge into others’ lives.

You may experience strong feeling of compassion for others, and so dedicate your life to service. You could be interested in working with the sick or needy. Or you may be drawn to some kind of therapy or counselling work. Learning when to give, and when to hold back, is essential.You must maintain appropriate boundaries for your own well-being. This can be a constant challenge. Your nature is to give from the depths of who you are, yet you must learn not to take this to an extreme Giving unconditionally is admirable, but giving yourself away is not. When you fail to maintain boundaries you open the door for others to take advantage of you, or to become seriously unwell.

The Urge to Escape.

Some of you may have trouble coping with your sensitivity and so, the realities of life. In this instance, you may become “the victim “ or the one who needs to be saved. Dealing with reality might be avoided, because you have unconsciously set up circumstances which require you to receive “special care”. There may be a subconscious belief that you are too vulnerable to cope, or that someone else should do it for you. You may deal with life by seeking a means of escape. In this case, escape can come through drugs, alcohol, illness and even madness. Or you may give up your individual autonomy by “flowing” with whatever is happening, allowing external events to control you. This can prevent from taking charge of your own life course.You may have a love of indulgence that joins easily with the desire to escape. Emotional extremes, impulses and addictions can take over if your ego boundaries are too loose, leading to all sorts of psychological disturbances.

Other people often provide the discrimination, caution and common sense that you need. Thus you do best with analytical types who can give a rational, no-nonsense assessment of any situation.

The Gift of Pisces Rising.

With Pisces rising you need to balance great compassion, creativity and sensitivity with the constant urge to escape. You seek liberation from your isolated self by merging with others. This may be a romantic ideal, a spiritual dream or a nihilistic vision with no future. Whatever the image is, your challenge is to learn how to manifest your many gifts, and at the same time, stay grounded on the earthly plane. You are a spiritual being living a physical life. Your mission is to make the most of it.

#astroworld #astrology #astrotips #capricorn rising #aquarius rising #pisces rising

[blujaydoodles]

Idri - 4, Aubree - 8, Juniper - 13, Elyss - 18

4. Do they have any underlying motivations? (ie they seem hard-working but secretly just don’t want to fall back into poverty, etc)

MOSTLY Idri is very genuine and surface level about her motivations, which are mostly that she loves attention and excitement and having fun and makes a lot of choices in pursuit of those things. But on a specific case by case basis, Idri has a habit of just avoiding her problems and bad feelings as hard as possible, so sometimes she'll do something like quitting the circus and taking up adventuring because her friend died and she Won't deal with that. I guess there's a strong undercurrant of 'I want to impress you' in everything she does and how she does it, but that's not necessarily a secret lol, and there's not like any secret, deep dark reason for that

8. What is their coping mechanism?

Great question, DM and architect of all her trauma! >:3c Aubree's Not Great at coping (surprise surprise, none of my dnd characters are lmao). If she can, she usually copes with intense stress and trauma by drinking about it, which usually leads to an Ornery Drunk, which usually leads to a bar fight, almost always a fight she loses (and tbh probably knew she couldn't win when she started it). She's also been known to just yell and throw things until she wears herself out; she's the kind of person that would probably benefit from having a punching bag in her room, she gets a lot of mileage out of very physical/ primal catharsis. Because she's not a total asshole and she knows how she gets when she's going through it, she also tends to want to isolate herself as much as possible to avoid being an asshole to someone she cares about, although that's not always possible. Broadly speaking, she's very action oriented and inclined to want to fix whatever the problem is, but unfortunately there's a lot of fucked up shit you can't just, you know, have big muscles at until they stop, and she's not very well equipped to handle problems that aren't really straightforward :\

13. What are their views on marriage? If they want to get married, what would their dream wedding be like?

Juniper is a big soft romantic and is very much pro-marriage; she was definitely someone who used to daydream about her own wedding as a little girl, and she's the kind of person who's made herself cry imagining herself as a bride, haha. That said, her dream wedding wouldn't be big or extravagant but very intimate and personal, with a traditional druidic ceremony, under the sky and surrounded by flowers. Wedding daydreams are usually connected to catching feelings, so any details are always specific to the other woman; she wants to look beautiful for her, she wants it to be perfect for her, she wants a wedding that's a tailored gift of love and devotion to her bride more than anything else

18. Where do they see themself in ten years?

Elyss really isn't the kind of person to think too much about the future, to be honest. That's just sort of what she's naturally like, but I think if pressed she would point out that life is unpredictable and things can change so drastically that trying to imagine your life a decade in the future is sort of pointless. She might say that she hopes she's still with her friends and they won't be dealing with constant back to back crises anymore, but she's not exactly holding her breath. That said... I think, quietly, privately, she would wish she might have been married by then. Now that's she's been adventuring and has a taste for travel (even under usually terrible circumstances) she no longer dreams of settling down, but she's been alone for a lot of her life, and really just wants someone she can fully trust and rely on who she can share her life with and pour her love into. Unfortunately she definitely doesn't actually see that ever happening, for a lot of reasons: she's bad with people and she knows it, and she believes herself to be fundamentally unlovable on that level, so she's more or less accepted (true or not) that she's going to be single for her entire life

ask about my OCs? :3

#thank you my love these ones were kinda hard actually lol #ask thing #not art #my OCs #Idri #Aubree #Juniper #Elyss #it's weird to phrase it as 'elyss wants stability' because she's actually surprisingly flexible and adaptable and up for change #but she craves emotional stability you know? #she's never felt 100% comfortable and emotionally safe with ANYONE and she's seen what a good marriage looks like

[kerra-and-company]

Rhi’s interview

Next up: the sylvari sprout who’s planning on tagging along with their mom to Cantha. Without her knowledge. This will definitely only go well.

Rhi time!

OC Interview: Rhianyi

Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions! 

INTRODUCTION

1. Can you introduce yourself?

I’m Rhianyi, if you want my full name, but Rhi’s fine. I don’t have any titles.

2. What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status? 

You better not be publishing this in a magazine or something, mysterious interviewer person. Enby, no idea but I haven’t had a crush on anyone yet, and single.

3. Where and when were you born? 

Early 1331 A.E., Sun’s Refuge, Jahai Bluffs. Born almost on the dot at 6 in the evening, by the way, so no one can agree if I’m a Duskbloom or a Nightbloom.

4. What is your weapon of choice and fighting style? 

Rifle or greatsword. I’m a warrior, and I’ve been told I fight like my dad. So if you’re really curious, ask him if there’s a name for whatever way that is.

5. Lastly, are you happy? 

Life’s never perfect, but generally speaking? (They smile.) Yes, I am.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

In my experience, the only people who haven’t heard of my parents are either children or have been hiding under a rock for the past ten years. That comes of being the child of one of the former Pact Marshals, an ex-criminal sylvari who did a number of notable crimes, and the Commander. I don’t care for the spotlight, but I love my parents and wouldn’t ever trade them for anyone else.

I know you’ve heard of my big sister Aurene, but she’s fantastic, too, and so are my twin little siblings, who just awakened this year. (They frown.) They have been teaching me lessons in chaos, though, and please do not give Ia anything explosive. Or give Tev knives. I’ve only done the second one but both are bad ideas.

2. Have you ever ran away from home? 

(Their smile droops just a little, but they speak brightly.) Nope!

3. Would you consider marriage or having children? 

Maybe. I haven’t really thought too much about that yet.

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends? 

Why would I?

5. Which friend knows everything about you? 

She’s my sister, but she’s my friend too, so--Aurene.

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Yes, I’m literate. And no, I’ve been homeschooled by my family. I would just say my parents, but it’s also my uncles and aunt and several of their friends, so...

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true? 

Nothing yet, but don’t jinx it.

3. What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

That other species don’t grow as fast as I do. (Their mouth twists.) It’s...not bad, but it makes things hard sometimes.

4. Do you have mental health or physical issues? 

I’m colorblind. And I can’t do bright lights. Sun’s Refuge is great, but the open desert? Not so much. Sunglasses are excellent, though.

5. What is your current main goal? 

I know adventures are dangerous, but I’d still like to have one--on my own terms.

CHOICES

1. Drink or food?

Drink? You need water to live, so if I had to pick one...

2. Cats or dogs? 

Cats. (They grin.) But if you ever ask my little sister, she’ll say dogs. She adores Mom’s fern hound, and it’s very cute.

3. Early bird or night owl? 

Night owl.

4. Optimist or pessimist? 

Can I pick realist?

5. Sassy or sarcastic? 

More the second than the first.

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

Yes. I’m better at it now.

2. Broke a bone? 

Almost, but luckily no.

3. Received flowers? 

No.

4. Ghosted someone? 

(They look uncomfortable.) No.

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get? 

Only once. (They giggle.) And I don’t think I did it very well because my pretend laugh made Ren actually laugh.

Tagging: Just doing more of these for fun, but if you’re inclined to do one, consider yourself tagged and go for it! :D

#gw2 #rhianyi #side note: 'ren' is what they call nisha #in place of mom or dad #and they're also probably going to be my second character to walk through the entire story because i really want them to be caught up #by the time eod comes around #also they don't mention it here #but they're about the equivalent of a 16-year-old right now #they be Small #and their parents haven't been super overprotective #but they do try to make sure all the kids are monitored whenever possible #and rhi really wants to go off on their own #which isn't *really* safe #so they've decided on stowing away to cantha because they can be like 'well mom YOU'RE here so clearly i have supervision' #but it's their idea #it's not the most logical thing in the world #but it boils down to the fact that #they want an adventure and don't want their mom to leave #so they go with her #they're a kid but they're trying #anyways i just went on a tag ramble alsksl;dfa please enjoy

[focsle]

Vendryth Bio

HELLO here I am with one of my Gigantic Character Bios.

Basics

Name: Vendryth

Nickname: Ven to friends. He also has a number of tacky nicknames in the various small localities he helped out over the years: The Golden Traveler, The Dragon, Trollslayer, Midwinter Hero, ET CETERA ET CETERA. To Neris he is ‘Grandpa’.

Age: Died at age 326. Born 1E 2594, died in 1E 2920. Is Neris’s resident ghost as of 2E 582.

Gender: Man

Race: Dunmer

Class: Battlemage and restoration master

Physical Traits

Height: 6ft

Weight: 210 lbs

Hair: Auburn, pulled back in a long braid.

Eyes: Red

Skin: Dark blueish grey

Distinctive features: Full Van Dyke-style beard. A lot of assorted scars from 300+ years of Fighting Things. Really big gaudy dragon tattoo on his chest.

Mannerisms: He has a confident ease moving and existing in the world, and he definitely takes up space in a lounging sort of way. He also tends to relate to people physically—SHOULDER SLAPPER sort of guy.

Voice: Friendly and booming. Bit gravelly but refined.

Fashion: He likes ornate armors and likes to keep ‘em shiny. In the day to day however, he dresses very simply...keeps his shirt collar as open as possible...

Emotional Traits

Personality: He’s very personable and very willing to help people, to the degree that he is prone to butting into situations that initially don’t involve him. He almost never turns down requests for help and can quickly shift to adapt to situations that call for his attention. He tries to behave honorably, though he hasn’t always done so in his interpersonal relationships in the past and is awkward in coming to terms with that.

Likes a good time. Is boisterous and rollicking and sometimes has an air about him that he doesn’t take things seriously, even though as said above, he can rapidly switch gears to handle grave situations. He’s chummy with everyone. A bit flirtatious & slutty. A pro at entertaining swaths of children. Good at calming horses.

He’s very vain, though not arrogant. He’s surprised if someone isn’t impressed by him, but not upset or offended. He does Heroics partly because he has the ability to and thinks it's the right thing to do, but also because he likes the attention. Likes being fawned over. Doesn’t wanna wear a helmet to cover his pretty face.

Religion / Belief system: He more-or-less adheres to the Tribunal (much to the chagrin of Grandson Neris). He doesn’t believe them to be Actual Gods and thus doesn’t ‘worship’ them, but does recognize and respect them as powerful leaders and has no problem serving their will when it comes to the defense of Morrowind. He later became one of Vivec's Buoyant Armigers, and was quite reverent to both Vivec and Almalexia.

He’s wary of all Daedra. Just expects them to be troublesome and either doesn’t involve himself or actively works against them. He’s pretty straight-laced about all that.

Lifestyle

Background: He was born into a minor family in House Telvanni. Despite his lack of Notable Lineage, he proved to be very magically adept, especially in matters of restoration magic. In his early 20s he married a woman named Tendreni Ilyiil. Their marriage was a strategic one centered more on solidifying future power than anything else—his skills, and her more powerful family connections. It didn’t work out, particularly as Vendryth’s interests turned more towards being a healer rather than the acquisition of knowledge or power. He wasn’t good at communicating that it wasn’t working out however. He decided instead to simply abandon Tendreni and their infant child and forgo any connections to his house. While he would come to regret that action as he got older, he never made amends, feeling too much time had passed for it to mean anything.

Over the decades he worked with both the Mages and Fighters guild, intensely studying Restoration but also battle techniques and becoming quite powerful through the ranks as a result. Initially he took contracts through the Fighter’s Guild to assist people. Then he became a bit of a Freelance Hero around Tamriel, chasing the high of Minor Glories in numerous regions. His mastery of Restoration magic enabled him to slow his aging considerably.

His work took on a more concentrated effort when he was a little over 100 years old, in defense efforts against the first Akaviri invasion that earned him recognition among his peers. He would continue to serve in Morrowind's military for a time, and then more specifically for Vivec as a Buoyant Armiger. Through this work he had the flexibility to continue his Pro Bono Heroics around Tamriel, but would respond to calls back home when needed.

By 2840 he was back to his military engagements, operating as a high-ranking healer during the Four Score War. While certainly not always on the front, he was involved for the entire 80 engagement and managed to live through it as a decorated veteran. Unfortunately when Mournhold was sacked shortly after, Vendryth lost his head to one of Mehrunes Dagon’s army while trying to heal someone.

He had an honorable burial in Necrom, though not in the Ilyiil tomb. However, simmering generational anger over his initial abandonment of his first family led to his ghost being tracked down by Ilyiil ancestor spirits who then bound him to protect the family tomb. He was there for 600 years, and lost considerable parts of his memory and identity as the notion of being stuck there for eternity became intolerable and his emotional and mental state deteriorated. He was forgotten by everyone, beyond a few obscure scholars of specific military history, as the people who remembered him died. He became a very angry and violent spirit until he ran into Neris who was reconciling with his own feelings about his family and sense of abandonment. Neris ended up helping to free Vendryth and established a shrine for him in his own house. Kindred spirits in many ways, Neris’s companionship helped Vendryth get a lot of himself back, and Vendryth also helps Neris take his final steps away from House Telvanni.

Place of residence: In life he lived in a fancy Hall just outside Mournhold. As a ghost he hangs out in a dedicated corner of Neris’s library in Middle Of Nowhere Vvardenfell.

Occupation: Local Hero™, Buoyant Armiger, battlefield healer

Habits: He’s very particular about his appearance...a Preener. Will absolutely fuss over his reflection in a breastplate he’s shining. Winds down with smoking assorted combos of psychoactive herbs in the evenings. Tends to touch people’s arms or has a hand on their shoulder or something when he’s talking to them.

Hobbies: Adventuring (and long walks through impressive landscapes), gathering up all the local rumors, fishing, musical inclinations, reading a small always-rotating collection of books he finds in his travels and then leaves at the last inn he stayed at once he finishes them.

Likes: Campfire stories or collective songs i.e. activities that include a lot of people, theater, retelling his adventures, being recognized, quaint little towns with warm rooms.

Dislikes: Having to be sneaky or anonymous in any way (he’ll DO subtlety and anonymity if it is required of him but UGHHHH!), having to constantly confront the mortality/death of people around him, feeling ‘kept’ by anyone, losing sleep for any reason, having to skip meals.

Goals: His interests move from ‘I want people to know who I am and I want stories to be told about me’ notions of fame, and as he gets older it turns more into ‘I want to do what I feel is right and will help people’. He always appreciates public admiration and relishes in it, but ends up feeling a greater responsibility over where he stands in life and how he can contribute.

Relationships

Orientation: Straight, ish. He’s attracted to women, but he’d be flattered and wouldn’t necessarily say no if propositioned by another gender. But the actual attraction wouldn’t be there.

Relationship status: Had a long string of romances and families across the continent, as well as one dedicated long-term partnership with a General in the Four Score War that was his last relationship. As a ghost…..he’s a ghost…

Notable Relationships:

He fathered 37 children (that he knows of) over his first couple centuries. While he was never completely absent, he definitely wasn’t involved in parenting. He’d write everyone, he’d make sure everyone was materially supported, he’d show up and stay for a few weeks at a time with gifts and stories, but wasn’t much of an Active Partner. He very much considered everyone family and had no personal sense of relationship decay over time; this was met with varying degrees of agreement, acceptance, indifference, sorrow, anger, and resentment across all the different parties.

He grew to be a more somber man once he realized he was outliving them all. Not just partners, but a number of his children too.

Tendreni Ilyiil: His first wife. Their relationship was one of circumstance, duty, and politics. They were quite formal with each other, and had differing senses of ambition. When Vendryth left Tendreni was furious about it, largely because of the principle of the thing rather than because she experienced much hardship without him (though raising an infant more on her own was something she was very angry about, though there was family help for her there). She didn’t feel a loss with him gone. She thought he was a childish coward and wrote him off almost immediately for it. She moved on, but her parents harbored a more significant grudge, as did her child to an even greater degree, especially as Vendryth’s name became more widely known and celebrated. These ancestor spirits, rather than Tendreni, were the ones who ended up binding his ghost to the tomb.

Neris Ilyiil: His great great great great grandson, of Tendreni’s line, who ended up saving him from his spectral imprisonment. Vendryth is very fond of Neris and sees quite a bit of himself in the boy. He loves exchanging adventure stories with him, even though Neris’s tend to be a bit different. He’s grateful for Neris’s help and is also more than willing to provide a sense of encouragement, family, and guidance to him. 600 years in a tomb means he lost the threads of all the rest of his family members and doesn’t know where any other descendants are. As a result he’s really close to Neris because Neris is the only thing that makes him feel like he still...Existed at one time.

Lady General whom we are still working on a name for: A General who Vendryth served under in the Four Score War. She initially thought he was underwhelming which he found…completely baffling and intriguing and his conclusion was ‘she is underwhelmed by me not because I’m NOT great, but because clearly she has done something greater and now I need to find out about it’. Was deeply curious about her from the beginning. Rather than his earlier relationships that were built on initial physical attraction and his usual ‘I am going to charm her with my Gallant Hero Energy’, he grew close to her out of circumstance first and then utter respect and admiration for her as they worked together. She was his sense of grounding through the whole war and was the first person he was actually In Love with. He hoped the relationship would continue beyond the war—that he kept thinking would end the next year, and then the next year, etc. It was unrelenting and he likely wouldn’t have stayed if not for this partnership. He felt it was worth all the enduring hardship. She saw to his burial after the destruction of Mournhold.

#vendryth ilyiil #galen was like ‘u made a paladin never thought i’d see it’ #i made a slutty paladin

[vicennon]

(long post ahead just completely fucking skip this if you don't wanna read my subjective opinion on literally every single flavor of sans in the universe)

introducing the vi scale of touch-repulsed vs. touch-starved sanses

big number = more touchy

small number = no touchy

Nightmare - Is outright disgusted if you try to hold his hand but will tolerate it for five seconds at a time before flinging you into the sun (He feels like Gak anyway)

Dream - Village treatment lead to a lot of hugs and physical affection, so he's not necessarily opposed to the occasional hug or kiss - but not especially receptive. He'll hug you back, but try not to overwhelm him. He likes to have his space respected. (It's not because he dislikes you! He just doesn't... feel like it!)

Ink - Will taunt you for trying anything with him other than the occasional hug unless it is all prompted by himself. Teases a lot if you complain. (ex. "Wow, you're a simp!" "Jeez, we're a little touchy today!" "Gross, cooties!" "Are you trying to give me the cheese touch...?")

Error - Is neutral with close proximity, but it takes him a long time to grow adjusted at all. Strongly prefers not to touch at all, and will only ever initiate very rarely. If you commentate on it, he'll become very upset and draw away. (Being that he has haphephobia, it's a little iffy putting him on the list at all, considering that his condition would wholeheartedly affect his touch sensitivity. I usually write his haphephobia as painful and anxiety-inducing, so I'm basing this purely on personality and his experience with haphephobia.)

Fell/Red - He's not... opposed. Just neutral. But like... that's not an invitation. Can easily get irritated if you try to touch him too often without his permission. Does accept cuddles.

Swap/Blue - The perfectly room temperature touch-oriented person. A true neutral. But leans towards being more receptive towards physical affection. He's more into cooking or time spent together as a display of affection, though.

Dust - On the same level of neutrality as Swap, but is further inclined towards a consistent hand-holding experience. Can come off as a little bit clingy if you're squinting. He likes to be close, or nearby - to feel your body heat or to just brush his hand against yours. Is afraid of rejection or coming off too clingy, so he often restrains himself and gives others the impression that he hates being touched.

Fresh - Almost true neutral, but leans towards being more receptive. I wanted to put him on the more touch-repulsed end of the scale, but I think he could probably fluctuate quite a bit between wanting and being upset by unsolicited touching. When he's in the mood, he'll be very physically affectionate and lounge all over you. With his height, it's easy to sling his arms around you and waddle around behind you. However, when he's not in the mood to be touched, he'll express it very visibly and become uncomfortable. He's more often receptive than not.

Horror - Seems like he'd kind of be a hug bear or something, but just takes whatever he can get. Like a black hole. If you decide you want to sit on the couch and hug him for several hours, he'll stay right there and enjoy it.

Sans/Classic - Same deal as Horror - but with more sloth involved. Will initiate contact by dragging you into the clutches of the soft and cozy couch like an octopus. Sits on people to keep them from moving, much like a very boney housecat. Mildly inconveniences everyone who crosses his path.

Fellswap/Swapfell - (There's so many variations, I'm sorry FS/SF fans) Generally neutral, but receptive and likes to flick you. Pinches you if you're distracted. Enjoys hugs but doesn't like to hold them for too long. He has too many things to do right now!! If you try to keep him in one place for an extended period of time, he'll grow very irritated and flail about like a fish. He is physically capable of throwing you out a window, don't irk him.

Outer - Is extremely chilled out and a great pillow. Couch time 24/7. Becomes comfortable literally anywhere. He doesn't initiate often if ever, but likes to hold your hand a lot. Can stay holding it for half the day, if you let him.

G - Likes to be casually touchy, but if you commentate on it, he'll get even more touchy. Like a reverse anemone. It's partially to inconvenience you, and partially because he's smug and possessive. (ex. "G, I have to go get my order from the counter, you gotta let go of me." "Oh?" G proceeds to cling, making you drag him with you to the McDonald's cash register. It's embarrassing the first few times, but you can tell him to knock it off and he'll listen.)

Lust - He's a very physically affectionate person - all cheek kisses and absentminded holds, or slinging an arm around your waist to dance with you while you chat. If you let him, he'll carry you around completely unbothered. Fireman carry, over the shoulder, under the arm like a sack of potatoes, holding you like a koala - he's deceptively strong.

Dance - Also a very physically affectionate and deceptively strong person; likes to have his hands innocently placed somewhere on your person. Kind of like he's waiting to start ballroom dancing at any moment, or to throw you into a spin when he's looking for some entertainment. Likes to stand hip-to-hip with an arm around your waist. Slings his arm around your shoulder a lot.

Farmer - Same deal as Horror, but is far more consistent and casual with his touching. Enjoys doing the "wrap from behind" thing, like a backwards hug. If you're both walking to the same spot, he'll take your hand and swing it around wildly to make you laugh. He also likes to hip bump you and give tiny little kisses anywhere he can reach easily.

Epic - Same deal as Sans/Classic - but initiates more often! Surprise hug! Surprise hand grab! Surprise secret handshake! Surprise... kiss? Often devolves into meme-ish shenanigans afterward, like going in for a romantic moment to fake you out with a rubber chicken.

Killer - Is very comfortable with touching and comes off as clingy sometimes. He likes to put his stinky socks in your lap if you're on the couch, or use people as pillows when there's space for him to be touching them. If you're shorter than him, he'll make himself comfortable putting all his weight on your upper half so you might fall over. He'll laze around anywhere and purposefully seeks out people who have things to do and pin them to the floor so he can absorb the body heat out of them. Wildly inconveniences everyone he sees. Will invade your room to take up your entire bed.

Cross - Acts like he doesn't need anyone or any hugs or whatever. "Psshh, who needs hand-holding..." But he's so touch-starved that just being close to him makes him get all gross and gooey inside. Brushes that off too. "Pshh, I'm Cross, I'm too cool for hugs and kisses... but maybe just this once..." Also, he has a body pillow of his idol (who is anyone - cartoon superhero, popstar, his boss, his boss's brother, etc. etc.) Outright denies that he needs you to hold his hand, but only pushes anyone away if someone else is looking. If you're casual with him, he'll slowly start seeking out physical affection like a very shy fish.

i can't think of anyone else right now so send an ask if you want to hear about whoever else you got on the mind

#subjective #as like everything is on here #headcanons #make your own list too if you have a different idea of how they are #these are how i write them HAHAHA #i want to see how other people write this circus #ambiguous ships #self ship #not sanscest #writing #dynamics

[serialreblogger]

Empty Masks

The Phantom of the Opera and Social Dynamics of Exclusivity

(or: an essay I will never have an academic excuse to write, but shall anyway, because I watched The Phantom of the Opera tonight and i need to get this out of my system)

I can’t express just how desperately I want to be the Phantom. The strange, half-human ghost hidden under a mask, with a billowing cape and an opera house to hide his secrets, snow-covered stone gargoyles hiding him from the streets when he ascends to the roof and sings to the cold, bright stars. His would-be bride, the ethereal maiden entranced and led down into those secret places, where dark spires arc overhead and dark water flows away beneath the prow of the boat the Phantom, her would-be lover, steers.

But therein lies the problem: we are not meant to wish we were the Phantom.

The Phantom is meant to be a stranger. He is, after all, inhuman. It’s in his names: angel, demon, monster, ghost. He is not a man. He is more, and less. He is altogether other, and while we may sympathize, we are never meant to see ourselves in him.

And yet.

Because the thing about alterity is that there are far, far more of us than there are “meant” to be, the ones who see ourselves not in the heroes but in the villains of such tales. We, the queer viewers, the POC, disabled and disfigured and neurodivergent watchers and everyone else that lives on the margins of polite society—we do not see ourselves in the heroes. We are not only invisible in the ranks of the righteous: far, far too often, we are (implicitly or overtly) represented as the villains, the monsters, precisely because of who we are. Of what we are.

And that’s why the Shape of Water hit so hard for so many people, and why we’re seeing so many reimaginings of Lovecraftian horrors as something sympathetic, something good. Because so many of us have only ever seen ourselves in the monsters. We aren’t the people fleeing in fear and being reassured by the death of the creature; we are the creatures, watching our counterparts die again and again, in a thousand different ways, with a thousand different justifications. We are the monsters, cast out for things we can’t control.

But, of course, that is unjust. Even the heroes could see that. There must be something else, some justification, a reason we deserve to be slain. And so every dragon-slayer tells tales of the stolen princess. Every story with a monster makes sure to establish that the monster is dangerous and evil, ruined inside and out.

The Phantom is a murderer, and so he deserves to be unmasked. We are meant to understand that the two are inextricable: the face the mask hides is the murder the man commits. Even as Christine sings that it is “no longer” his face she is repulsed by, but his “soul, in which the true distortion lies,” we know that the accusation of “murderer” is always preceded by, caused by, the more heinous accusation: “monster.”

The Phantom’s wickedness is an excuse. His murderous inclinations, his possessiveness, the “evil” characteristics that are narratively traced back to his childhood and the way he was treated—they are used to justify the way he is robbed of his mask before a crowd, the way he’s ripped away from his longtime home in the secret twists and hideaways of the opera house.

I had a visceral reaction to that scene, where Christine unmasks him. It hit too close to home. To have something that was kept so carefully hidden, something that, if revealed, could be so catastrophically dangerous—to have that be revealed, against your will—and by someone so intimately close to you? Someone you trusted, body and soul?

It felt like watching someone getting outed.

And, in a way, it was. The Phantom’s face was revealed, and it was as relevant as gender or orientation to his evil acts, and yet all the narrative repercussions still tied it inexorably, inextricably, into his villainy.

“Keep your hand at the level of your eyes,” Madame Giri says, and it is because his weapon of choice was a noose; it is because his face is a curse to behold. The Phantom’s violence is caused by his face. The Phantom is evil because of his face. The Phantom is a monster because he is evil—because of his face.

And that’s the rub of the Gothic genre, of horror that makes ordinary people monsters (of societies that ostracize its members for being “monstrous”): there is no place for the people that don’t belong.

The Phantom escaped his original prison (a captivity which has its own signifiers of racism and dehumanization—making very human monsters out of another oppressed people, this time the Romani—but that’s a whole essay of its own) and donned a mask, because his face made him a monster. He put on a mask of his own accord, perhaps, but he also didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t look in the mirror without it, not after everything he’d been told. He knew what made him a monster. He couldn’t change his face, so he tried to hide it. He was made to wear a mask.

It was not enough. There does not exist a mask behind which we will not long to look.

“Masquerade” is a masterful scene that shows the different layers of social exclusivity. There is the ballroom full of upper-class mask-wearers. Everyone there is unrecognizable, hiding behind their costumes. It is perfectly choreographed. It is perfectly gilded. It is entirely, divinely, grotesquely perfect. It is false.

A few floors lower, the servants and lower-class players have their own party, carousing and laughing with unbrushed hair and wide grins. They wear no masks, and feast on sour beer and stale pastries. They wear no masks because they can’t afford them. They are not permitted to be seen, but nor are they permitted to hide behind the masks of the rich. They make do. They celebrate together, because none of them have any masks, and that makes them friends, at least for the evening. They are forbidden from having masks, and so—if they stay in their proper place—they need none.

The Phantom has not removed his mask in years.

Even then, it is not enough. The room of the rich falls deathly silent as he appears in their midst. He cannot blend in among them. He cannot dance. He has not the patience, anymore, to try. He wears his mask, and at least they cannot see his face beneath it.

They fear him, not because he’s a monster, but because he is a mask. They want to know what’s behind it. They want there to be nothing at all behind it. The Phantom is a mask, and the person behind it is a blemish. They put up with him when he is invisible except for a shadow, a flash of white plaster and black cloak in the night. They can pretend there is not a person behind the mask. It’s a ghost. They want it to be a ghost.

It isn’t a ghost.

And when the mask is ripped from his face, when the person behind it is revealed to be human, even then perhaps they could go on; but he isn’t the right kind of human. He’s physically disfigured. He isn’t human at all. He’s a monster.

They hunt him like one.

There is no room in their world for a person that looks wrong, even one that hides behind a mask.

There is no room in their world for monsters.

(The monsters listen, and hold our masks a little tighter.)

#linden's originals #linden writes an essay #if anyone wants to challenge the idea that his appearance is directly the cause of his violence in and outside of the story #i can provide a supplemental argument but i don't feel like verbalizing it all right now #something something origins something options something #obv he 'had' a choice to Not Kill People but he's a character - the fact that he was written as a murderer #and his impetus to become a murderer was tied into his mistreatment #at the hands of a romani person and with the widely agreed-upon justification that he was subhuman bc of his face #yeah #whatever the conclusion sentence of that is #you know what i'm saying #if ur reading this wow ilu you're the real mvp here #thank u friend u are so cool #wow i did bother adding pictures to this gosh i love this movie so much #look friends i can love the gothic genre and hate it in equal measure for the same reasons #is it inherently ~Problematique~? #sure #so's pretty much everything especially in such a dysfunctional society with such an apocalyptic history #at least it's got style #at least it offers me a space in which my monstrosity is darkly - tragically - beautiful #at least it mourns the fate of the monsters (even though we aren't supposed to) #The Phantom of the Opera #gothic literature #meta #literary analysis

[coolgirlontheweb]

eren jaeger (Attack On Titan) - ISFP

eren is a true IFSP - his dominant Fi seeks feelings of action, and honours his own beliefs and values. anytime eren says “i’ll kill the titans” or anything he says about his goals are driven by Fi. rarely do we ever see eren try to see the other side’s reasoning or why the titans eat humans pre time-skip, unlike armin, who indeed is an Ni dom and asks “what does it, no, they want?” the second he is confronted by the female titan. in season 2 episode 8 after he is confronted with the truth about bertholdt and reiner’s titan identities, he instantly shouts, deems them psychotic mass murderers and announces that he was going to “make you die the most excruciating deaths possible”. ISFPs who display the negative aspects of Fi suffer from a lack of objectivity, are unable to relate to things outside of their personal experience and treat their feelings as fact, unaware of their own biases. pre-time skip eren is all of this and never considers exactly why reiner and bertholdt are titans. only once does he actually weigh his options and make sense of what is happening, rather than immediately having an emotional reaction to it, and that is when ymir, a Ti dom, reminds him of his situation. signs of a Te grip are prevalent here - he was inclined to blame and reproach before he employed any rational thought to his circumstance. small hints of his Ni developing appear here when he begins to rationalise on how to escape, and what being captured may mean for the future and the scouts, but this is all shrouded in how overbearing his Fi is, i really don’t see how it can be overlooked.

throughout all of the manga, eren’s dominant Fi is at its optimal expression when he cries to ramzi in Chapter 131, “i’m sorry, i’m sorry…” optimal Fi expression helps dominant Fi users feel deep empathy when seeing people suffer, and works to ensure that every person has the freedom to authentically be themselves. even though eren knows he is going to kill ramzi, he cannot hold back from saving him, and crying to him is a heartbreaking portrayal of Fi in a doomed character. In the case that he was an Ni dom, eren would find it worthless to approach ramzi in spite of the future - which he actually initially thinks before saving him from being beaten, a sign of his Ni developing but his Fi overpowering it.

additionally, an unhealthy dominant Fi can foster feelings of instability, self-righteousness and self-pitiness. whenever eren is confronted with the damning reality of the titans’ existence he reverts from a strong willed and passionate Fi dom to one who is all of the aforementioned and above all, self-blaming. the greatest example of this that i can currently think of is in season 3 episode 9 during rod reiss’ abnormal titan attack on orvud district - eren’s Fi was so unhealthy that after rumination on being the cause of so many deaths and his overall role as “humanity’s saviour” (which is a self-righteous assumption, albeit true-ish), he begins to blame and pity himself so much that he started to physically beat himself up until he bled.

extraverted thinking (Te), being his inferior function, is naturally the least accessible to him, and therefore historically the least used. pre time-skip eren shows symptoms of Te grip. Te is an assertive function and tackles challenges head on and above all, its defining feature is that it applies logical, objective reasoning to the outside world. pre time-skip eren’s Te grip meant that he was ready to pick a fight about anything disagreeable, and had an overpowering urge to correct everything that is ‘wrong’. Te grip causes inferior Te users to recognise and dislike problems wherever they see them, yet offer no solutions to them. seldom did eren ever solve problems, he relied on erwin’s dominant Te for that and followed suit, or found guidance through armin. come the time-skip, and we are confronted by a strategic and assertive eren; his Te has noticeably developed. although, he has an extremely destructive expression of Te, i.e: abuse of power and position (as the founding titan) to get what he wants and believes the weak (his enemies, marleyans, the warriors and briefly the scouts) get what they deserve. he breaks out of jail, uses extremist ideology and manpower (the yeagerists) and ignores the chain of command, and his friends’ pleas to complete his goal. unhealthy Te users tend to be blind to nuance/context and see everything from a black and white, "i'm right and you're wrong" stance. they also have an extremely inflexible approach - rarely being convinced to change their ideas and plans. eren shows ALL of this: his Te is so influential that he is blind to any other approach to the Rumbling offered by the scouts or even zeke, since we know he doesn't activate a "small-scale" rumbling, but the whole thing.

alongside his developed Ni, eren’s character seems to do a complete 180 but it’s only a development of his Ni-Te. in my opinion, the reason why his shift in personality is because alongside an actual Ni-Te development, his facade makes it so that the strategy and stoicism he has adopted becomes pronounced. an INTJ wouldn't have trouble with healthy expressions of Ni-Te since it comes naturally to them - think of yelena: whilst all of this is happening, she remains the most pacific and rational person on paradis island. eren seems calm on the surface, but the emotional stress of having to rely on Ni-Te is definitely there. you can see it in his table talk with armin and mikasa. he attempts to stay calm in the beginning but all of the emotional stress comes bubbling to the surface in an outburst of unhealthy Fi rage. something else i think it's worth mentioning is that functions operate in oppositional pairs that push and pull against each other, creating internal conflict. eren’s singular worldview and morals in seasons 1-3 meant there wasn’t any room for internal conflict, but after seeing the other side of the wall, his Fi and Te are constantly in conflict. eren’s newfound Te, wants efficiency and order, but how does he fare with losing his humanity and treating the world as a machine as his Fi is challenged for the first time?

an early signal of eren’s Ni development is the thwarting of his previously healthy Se expression in season 3 episode 22. with Ni's future orientated intuition, causing him to be uninspired by sensory experiences, his Se gets shut down as he loses his happiness to the future. eren cannot bring himself to have fun at the beach, nor experience what he and armin dreamed about from a young age, instead, he points toward the horizon, towards the future and is utterly defeated by its prospects. this is honestly so sad, it’s as though he withers away as a person after the vision of the future.

developing Ni needs a lot of introspectivity, maturing and objectivity for a dominant Fi user. eren attains these traits in 2 ways; first, he actually peers into the future through the paths. this is sort of a cheat code into developing Ni, but it nonetheless dictates how he acts post paths vision. Ni is a future orientated function, and it experiences the world through what will happen. since eren already knows the future, his Ni expression is almost forced to mature. however, the second way that Ni is developed by eren naturally is when he runs away to marley and lives among eldians in the liberio internment camp.

contrary to suffering from a lack of objectivity due to negative Fi expression, eren is confronted with the other side of the wall. as he learns about the rest of his world, he slowly becomes more objective and understanding - his worldview has broadened, and he indulges in the part of Ni that approaches the world with a unified vision. albeit a weak Ni expression, which gives him difficulty in making wise decisions in season 4 because of a lack of clarity and no positive vision of the future, eren’s Ni develops nonetheless.

this becomes evident when we contrast his talk with reiner in season 2 episode 8 to his talk with reiner in Season 4 Episode 5. in the latter eren employs a mix of Ni-Te, almost showcasing his newfound functions to us, the reader, and reiner. eren is more calculating, authoritative, objective, and aware of his long term goal and its consequences.

#mbti! #isfp #eren jaeger

[catharsis-in-a-bottle]

A very long post about romantic attraction, social situations, sexual orientation, etc.

In short, a slightly organized brain dump involving some of my personal experiences and hopefully some takeaways. 

There are many things I’ve learned, both in general and about myself, simply by investigating online resources about the acespec and arospec communities.

Some of these were things that I think I already knew internally, but that I had never voiced before because I didn’t have the words or the terms to describe them. 

I’ve learned about different types of attraction, and I’ve realized that I can categorize them internally. For example, I’ve definitely mistaken platonic attraction with romantic attraction in the past. The term ‘squish’ - basically a sort of friend crush - can be applied to several of my experiences, and honestly, it really explains my conscious disconnect towards romance. I’ve realized that wanting to get to know someone better does not equate wanting to date them.

I’ve learned about other arospec identities, like greyromantic and demiromantic, and how they might apply to me. I’ve realized that my romantic attraction has essentially been limited to one person, and that otherwise my desires have been platonic - again, wanting to get to know someone better because I find them interesting, or else having a deep admiration/respect for them. None of these things are romantic attraction, and it’s been very relieving to discover this. It makes sense. 

I think I’ve always had a weird feeling towards all the societal cues and expectations associated with romance. Why are certain things associated with wanting to form a romantic relationship? As a child, I thought I was a girl and I knew, just from the social code of school life, that becoming friends with boys would be seen as some romantic advance (despite the fact that we were all literally elementary schoolers.) In first grade, everyone thought I had a crush on this kid I was friends with, and I always laughed at them. I was just looking for friends. Friends isn’t a freaking gender-specific term. I think I’ve always kind of tried to “play it cool” with the boys, especially in middle school, simply because I didn’t really want anyone to think “haha, so-and-so is dating so-and-so” just because I had a conversation with another person. And what sucked is that when I thought I might be bi, I kind of consciously did the same thing around girls as well - I tried to be socially adept and “cool” and not too overly open, just because of all of these social codes that indicate romantic intent. 

One of these strange codes that confused me was this: “if so-and-so has a crush on you, you should totally date them!” What if I didn’t like so-and-so back? Why the hell would I date them? But something that I witnessed happening quite often in middle school was kids finding out someone ‘liked’ them and then wanting to ‘like’ that person back, despite not having formed attraction in the first place. It felt like a puzzle. It was something that I observed and maybe sort of over-analyzed, because dissecting social situations and laying out pieces of the puzzles on the floor is something I just do. I reckon that kids were not only beginning to experience romantic/sexual attraction individually, but that they were also recognizing the social standards that were beginning to form. The first batch of kids wanted to form relationships (if not long-lasting ones), and so they did; other kids who were experiencing attraction subsequently felt a little bit of pressure to get with someone fast. The complaints of “I’m so sad I don’t have a boyfriend” and similar phrases rang free throughout the hallways. In short, allo- and heteronormativity seems to have influenced a lot of people. Which is fine for many, but also restricting for those in the lgbtq+ community (but of course, the jungle of school life does not intend to cater to the minorities) It was simply a thing that happened, and a thing I’m seeing a bit more clearly now. 

[Also, the concept of using the word ‘like’ to describe adolescent romantic interest in another person always confused me. I never got why ‘like’ had romantic intent - I liked people that I’d formed friendships with. No one ever outright said “I have a crush on this person.” They just said like.]

There’s only one occasion on which I’ve known how to react emotionally to someone telling me that he had romantic interest in me, and that’s only because I personally ‘liked’ them back. I had already imagined that situation, and I welcomed it. [Amusingly enough, we both kind of ignored our confessions for a while, but eventually we formed an actual relationship. Ah, the joys of social situations.] But in terms of other people admitting their interest, which hasn’t happened all that much but has still happened, I’ve had very mixed reactions. One time a couple of years ago, it was my friend whom I cared very deeply about. I didn’t really know how she knew that I didn’t have interest in dating her, but somehow she did, and she told me so. This made my reaction less clouded and more simple, and it wasn’t really an uncomfortable situation; I confirmed easily enough that I didn’t have any interest in dating her and the situation resolved nicely. Basically, although it wasn’t an ideal occurrence, it didn’t affect our friendship in any way.

But there have been other times where it’s been extremely uncomfortable. Once, I joined an after-school club in which I barely knew anyone. During one of our meetings, we took a walk to a local coffee shop to just sort of hang out. And this girl - I’ll call her ‘C’ for online purposes - sat down and started talking to me. This was fine - why not have a bit of conversation? She talked about K-pop a lot (which eventually got very annoying lol) and just seemed like she wanted to be my friend, and internally I told myself well, I don’t really know her and she doesn’t seem like the kind of person I want to hang out with but we’re at a coffee shop and I’m bored. At the end of our coffee shop trip, C asked for my phone number. I didn’t take this to mean anything beyond the fact that she wanted to talk to me more, and though I felt inclined to decline her offer, I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings (again, the joys of social situations.) So now she had my phone number. Here’s where things got weird. For one thing, she sent me a bunch of random pictures of K-pop singers, saying things such as “omg he’s so hot” which was already uncomfortable in itself. Me, being a bit of an idiot, didn’t stand up for myself, or even block her number. Then, she came out to me as pansexual and told me she had a crush on me. When she told me this, she did not imply in any way that she didn’t have an intent of dating me or something, so I was very, very uncomfortable for several reasons. Firstly, I didn’t know her that well - I didn’t really even consider her a friend. Secondly, I definitely did not want to date her because I didn’t really know her. And thirdly, I didn’t know how to react. I think I said something along the lines of “Oh, well, um, okay, I don’t have a crush on you” and left it at that. For the final puncher, she started finding me in the hallways after school as she left for the bus and giving me hugs. I am typically not a physically affectionate person, so this was just weird as hell for me. Again, like an idiot, I didn’t stand up for myself, and so I just kind of stood there... all of this took place right before my school shut down because of the pandemic, so I was literally saved by everyone getting kicked out of school. Thankfully, I did not see her anymore, and finally I blocked her number as I should have done much, much earlier. [I didn’t intend to make that story so long, but there it is anyway.]

The point is, I found it extremely strange that someone I barely knew had a crush on me. This feeling was amplified when, a couple months ago, something else happened: someone on Instagram, who I didn’t know at all, expressed interest in dating me. I was extremely confused. Apparently they sort of knew me because we were in the same school system, but I’d still never met them.

I simply mean to say that romantic attraction drives people to lengths that I personally find strange and inconceivable. Looking into the aromantic community has taught me that essentially all of what we deem ‘romance’ is socially constructed. The rules, the implications, the things you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to flirt with the person you ‘like’. You’re supposed to get all nervous around them. You’re supposed to only form a relationship with one person or else you’re considered weird and even perverted. Flirting seems like a ritual, nervousness seems like a prison - why can we not do away with the expectations and simply do what feels comfortable to us individually? I have learned about the term relationship anarchy, which means doing away with and rebelling against all of these expectations. The expectation of monogamy, of ritualistic performances, of a certain type of romance, of what actions are deemed romantic or sexual, of having to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship, etc. I find that relationship anarchy is a very appealing concept. People should have whatever relationships or lack thereof that they wish. Queerplatonic relationships should be normalized. Loveless aromanticism should be understood and not demonized. Polyamorous people should not be alienated. In short, these societal expectations that we’ve established have no purpose beyond defining what a “real relationship” is, and by ensuring that romantically loving one other person is what “makes us human” and deems us “normal” in society. Platonic and familial love should not be put below romantic love, yet we’ve created a hierarchy. Me platonically loving my true friends should not be “less than” me romantically loving my boyfriend. And people who just don’t want any sort of relationships or attachments to other people should be respected, because they are not negatively affecting anyone in any way. Except by hurting the feelings of bigots, and I’d pay anyone to do that any day if I had the money. 

Though I love my friends and my boyfriend in different ways, I realize that I have extremely similar criteria for a friend versus a partner. Beyond my general confusion regarding romance as a concept, this is another thing that has led me to believe I am arospec. It’s always been very difficult for me to imagine romantically loving someone who I couldn’t consider a friend - how, then, would my relationship even work? One thing about society’s ideas of romance that I do resonate with is the fact that your partner should be your best friend. [For me personally. I’m not just making a general claim.]  It’s hard to see myself dating someone who I hadn’t known before, who I hadn’t befriended, who I hadn’t considered a best friend because we knew each other and had come to form an actual bond. I would be happy spending my life with someone who I considered both a best friend and a romantic partner. I don’t think this is something that is of absolute necessity to me - I could see myself without a romantic partner, which is another major reason I’m beginning to consider myself arospec [maybe greyromantic or demiromantic.] And of course, I have conflated romantic and platonic attraction in the past; upon reflection, I think I’ve only experienced genuine romantic attraction once, which of course also prompts me towards arospec. 

Many resources - tumblr accounts dedicated to aspec experiences and questions, online stories, even just bare definitions of terms I didn’t know - have been extremely helpful in not only my understanding of myself, but also of the variety of experiences that lie with others. There is a beautiful array of diversity out there in the ways people think and feel, and it feels as if I have discovered a gold mine. [Hehe - do we place value on gold in the same way we place value on romance?] Simply learning about the multitudes of people out there with so many different experiences has been wonderful.

Upon reflection, I’ve also begun to wonder if I am acespec. Society is at it again - placing inherent value in certain concepts, associating expectations between categories. Specifically, the categories of romance and sexual attraction. In most movies with romantic subplots - which is a shit ton - sex seems to always be attached to the development of a romantic relationship. Here’s the thing - most people don’t think about the Split Attraction Model (SAM), which separates romantic and sexual attraction. It’s either you’re attracted to someone, or you aren’t. But for those who do use the SAM for whatever reason, romantic and sexual attraction are separate terms [though they can of course be intertwined.] I find it strange that romance sort of necessarily leads to sex - why? You don’t need sex to have a healthy relationship - but of course, many people want it and so it happens. And because sexual attraction is often tied to peoples’ romantic partners, sex is just associated with romance. [And also apparently sexual attraction can happen towards random people, which I didn’t know lmao.] The SAM is useful for many [not necessarily all] aspecs, as it creates this differentiation between wanting to date someone and wanting to, well, do the do with them. Through investigating common terms used by aspec people, I also find the terms aesthetic and sensual attraction useful, because I believe I have conflated aesthetic and sensual attraction with sexual attraction. [Also, in the past, for some reason I didn’t really know that sexual orientation referred to people that you literally wanted to have sex with. I thought it was just the people that you ‘liked’.] These specific terms have been quite useful to me personally, as I’ve realized that I really can tell the difference between the types of attraction that I experience. The issue is, I’m just not sure about my sexual attraction - have I actually experienced it, and if so, in what ways? It does get frustrating to question so much, but it’s an interesting exploration all the same. 

Am I actually acespec? Maybe not. But even if I’m not, I’ve still learned a lot about acespec people, and again it’s wonderful to read about how many different experiences exist in this world. Looking back on my past has been interesting. Thinking about my present and my future is intriguing. Wondering what I am and where I’ll go is a mixed bag of emotions, but it’s here and I’m stuck with it. I think I’m probably arospec, and that discovery is honestly relieving. It feels like a weight lifted. It clicks into place. I’m just going to keep living and figuring out what the hell my sexual orientation is, and I’ll vibe with it, I guess. The general, whole, main point is: learning about these communities is an enlightening experience, and it has perhaps reshaped part of my view of society. And also, I write too much. 

If you read this whole thing, I commend you for making it through my massive overshare. I hope you gained something from it, whether that be entertainment or knowledge or simple resonance with an idea. 

#whewwwww that took a while #but it feels good to empty out the brain you know? #aspec #acespec #arospec #asexual #aromantic #demisexual #demiromantic #greysexual #greyromantic #ace community #aro community #long post #personal #random #thoughts #brain dump #lgbtq+ #relationship anarchy #hell yeah #queerplatonic #relationships #so many words damn ouch my brain hurts

[arseneiic]

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me. Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1a. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached.  Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2a. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2b.  Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs.  Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2c. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3a. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3b. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on site. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4a. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4b. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5. I am a multi-ship blog. Arsene himself is ageless but his physical form is around 25 when he became a shadow / persona / demon and as such, I will only be shipping him romantically with muses around the 20s to 30s range. Some threads may get a little spicy but nothing that requires a ‘do not read at work’ type of posts. I will tag those post that are suggestive with a ‘spicy: tw & spicy for ts’ and ‘Looks like someone needs proper punishment’ for blacklisting purposes.

5a. I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger. Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.

6. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just in real life ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6a. Things I’ll tag for you: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS. If there are anything I missed that you want tagged, please let me know through IM(s).

7. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7a. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8. My pen name on here is SERE. Obviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE.

9. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9a.  Feel free to turn inbox replies into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you.

11.  Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

11a.  The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

11b. Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

12. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressure to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life.

13. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well ).

#long post: tw #rules;; #laws;; #mobile rules;; #mobile laws;;