#quotes that never happened | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilislegacy · 16 days

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hazel: percy and annabeth just have the most beautiful relationship

piper: i know! they are SO in love

frank: and they are always so on the same page

leo: and their relationship is so mature

*meanwhile*

percy and annabeth outside the cabin fighting over who gets to talk to sally on the phone first:

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celestial-artisan · 2 months

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Velvette: Breathe, darling, just breathe. Vox, sobbing: I've done nothing with my life! I'm a failure! Alastor: Well that's never bothered you before.

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aprill-99 · 7 months

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How it started *Under the Mountain*:

Feyre: “So that’s the love of my life.”

Rhys: “Really? Tamlin? That guy?”

Feyre: “Yeah. Thoughts?”

Rhys: “And prayers. Girl what-”

Where it went *Early ACOWAR*:

Feyre: “So this is my mate.”

Lucien: “Really? Your mate is that guy?? Rhysand???”

Feyre: “Yeah. Thoughts?”

Lucien: “And Prayers. Girl what-”

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emblazons · 10 months

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MIKE WHEELER + A MEDITATION ON BOUNDARIES

"Back when I thought I was straight I would go on dates with boys. The boys would usually want to kiss me. I disliked kissing, but I thought that their preferences deserved to count as much as mine, and I reasoned that they probably liked kissing more than I disliked kissing. So kissing was a morally good thing to do. I also reasoned that if I told them I disliked the kissing then they’d feel guilty and enjoy it less. So I did not tell them. I am certain I was making some kind of critical error but it has taken me a long time to figure out what it might be." (x)

#byler #anti mlvn #mike wheeler core #THIS QUOTE MADE ME THINK OF HIM SO HARD I HAD TO. its not a great set but sdkffdslkj my soul was aflame waiting to make it LOL #this is what's happening and you will never convince me otherwise ever in your life. this quote is his side of mlvn's arc 100% lmao #mood: forced conformity is killing the kids #mike wheeler #will byers #el hopper #my gifs #bylerdaily #byleredit #mikewheeleredit #tuserrae #userelz #stranger things

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waytooinvested · 7 days

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Alex: Kara? What's wrong? You look like you're about to cry.

Kara: No, nothing. It's just... something that happened with Lena.

Alex: What did she do? Is she evil after all? Did she cheat on you? Do I need to kill her??

Kara: *sniffling* She just- she-

Alex: Woah, hey it's okay. Take a breath, then tell me what happened.

Kara: We were baking a cake for when Ruby and Sam come to visit. Everything was going great, we were having so much fun, and then I turned round and saw it...

Alex: You saw WHAT Kara???

Kara: The bowl! In the sink! Full of water!

Kara: I'd maybe have understood if she'd scraped it out herself rather than sharing it with me, but she didn't even eat it! She just... washed it up.

Kara: All that lovely cake batter, washed away down the drain like it was nothing. I'm not sure I can ever see her quite the same way after this.

Alex:

Alex: ...you eat the raw cake mix?

Kara: *clutching her heart dramatically* ET TU BRUTE?!

#supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #alex danvers #incorrect supercorp quote #crack #Et tu Brute?#Inspired by a real thing that happened with my wife one time when I washed up a mixing bowl before she had scraped it out #she made the smallest saddest sound ever #Like all her dreams had been washed away with the batter and she would never know joy again #Needless to say I always save her the bowl now

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mammonswhore · 1 year

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Lucifer: Asmo, I need you to fill out another application. This time do it correctly.

Asmo: Why?

Lucifer: You put pizza as your gender. Pizza isn't a gender,idiot.

Asmo: But everyone wants a piece of me.

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throwingselfoutwindow · 21 days

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TK gets a call from a buck who is freaking out

Buck: HELP ME

TK: omg are you ok-

Buck: I KISSED A DUDE

TK: …. CARLOS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE ME-

#the post I just reblogged: TK being right #it’s never happened and never will again #911 fox #911onfox #911 lone star #911 family #incorrect 911 quotes #lone star #inncorrect quotes #tk strand #buck buckley #evan buckley #bi buck

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kaftanbezpieczenstwa · 2 months

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palpatine: ah, anakin, but obi-wan can't tell you what to do. he's not your master anymore.

anakin, slowly taking a step back: ...yes, he is.

#obikin incorrect quotes #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #obikin #star wars #star wars incorrect quotes #palpatine trips and dies #rots never happens

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radioducky · 2 months

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Lucifer, kissing Alastor a little aggressively: Hey, Bambi.

Alastor, returning it with the same aggressiveness: Good Morning, little King.

Husk: …What the actual FUCK!?

Angel: Did we, uh… miss somethin‘?

Vaggie, exasperated: Ugh, they’re playing some stupid game… ‚gay chicken‘ or whatever the hell that was.

Husk, confused: They play what now??

Charlie, squealing of joy: Gay Chicken!! It’s like a bonding game where they have to pretend to be gay together for as long as they can, and whoever chickens out first loses! Look how wonderful it works already!!

Vaggie: Calm down, Sweetie.

Angel: How in the ever lovin‘ fuck did these two convince themselves to go through with it?

Vaggie: Lucifer accused Alastor of being too scared to play it anyways, but you know how Alastor can be…

Charlie, ecstatic: He didn’t back down and accepted the challenge!

Angel: Well… I’m not gonna lie, it’s hot as fuck though. Husk, how about-

Husk, storming out: NOPE!

#I did the same for Steddie on my other blog and it was well received #thought it might be appreciated here as well #a little different version of it at least #extra point for whoever comes up with some nice punishment ideas if one of these two loses #but y’all already know that won’t happen #cuz they never stop #and never talk about it #lmao oh geez I need some help #alastor x lucifer #radioapple #incorrect quotes #appleradio #alastor and lucifer #deerduck #deerduckie #huskerdust

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regeditt · 2 months

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remus: what are you guys doing for holiday?

regulus: probably getting that fire d 😍

regulus: *winks at james*

james: *whispering furiously* when i told you to be more public about our relationship, that’s not what i meant

regulus: sorry

regulus: …but the fire d is still on the table right??

james: *facepalm*

#this would never happen but it’s funny #oh also #idk if it makes sense but #d stands for dick #this is a real interaction i had with someone just slightly modified 😇#james potter #jegulus #regulus black #remus lupin #marauders incorrect quotes #incorrect marauders quotes

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ao3-crack · 2 years

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(x)

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celaenaeiln · 10 months

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Bruce: *sees a motorcade come up on his right* *ignores*

Timmy in the back eying the group suspiciously: ….

*tapping on glass*

Dick: B, there’s someone tapping on my side.

Bruce: Don’t roll the window down they could be-

Dick: *already rolling the window down* *GASP* ROMMEY?! ROMMEY! ROMMEY!!

A 45 yr old grizzled man with a smoker’s voice, nicknamed Rommey by Dick: heya Dickie, how it’s going kiddo.

Dick: ROMMEY IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

Another motorbiker with a full claw scar down his face: what about the rest of us, kid? Forget about us?

Dick: MANES! DERRICKA! IZZY!!

Derrick-I take down mercenaries for fun but let a kid I like call me DERRICKA-Rolan: You little shit, why’d we not hear from you after you fucked off to neverland huh?!

Isabella-what? Someone went missing? I had nothing to do with it, it’s total coincidence that I hated him-Hodges: Maybe he doesn’t like us, Der. That right, Dickie?

Dick: *flabbergasted* No!! It’s a long story! After I left I ran out of gas and then some girl crashed into my bike and sent it flying off the cliff but I dove off it first and then I had to walk to the nearest motel on bare feet because I gave her my shoes and then I met this half bear half man and I’ll be pleased to tell you that it was a beary bearable encounter once he got his bearings hahahahaha- *progressively climbing out of the car as the story goes on*

Bruce: Dick! Get back in the car! *having one hand on the steering wheel and grabbing the back of his shirt with the other to keep his wayward son from falling out*

Dick: Wait- *accidently twisting too far and nearly braining himself on the speeding asphalt*

Rommey: DICK!

Bruce: DICK!

Rommey, Derricka, Izzy, and Manes: *grabbing the front half to prevent Dick from becoming like two-face*

Bruce: *letting go of the wheel to grab Dick’s bottom half for the same reason*

Tim: *high pitched screaming from the back* DICK! Tₕₑ Wₕₑₑₗ! ₜₕₑ Wₕₑₑₗ!!!

Bruce: *struggling to pull his son in while the motorcade struggles to pull him out to sit on a bike thus leading to Dick hanging in limbo out the window of a car going 80mph on a freeway* GRAB THE WHEEL TIM

Tim: *sacrificing a few ribs on the edge of the front car seat* IM TRYING! I CANT REACH THE CRUISE CONTROL AND DONT LEAN BACK AND OH MY GOD SIGN POST! SIGN POST! THE POST! THE POSSSTTTTT!!!

Dick, Bruce, Tim, and motorcade: *furious screaming and shouting and panicking*

*2 hours later*

*Arriving at the manor*

Jason: damn what happened to you lot, you look like you went through hell and back.

Bruce and Tim: *drained, pale-faced, messy, sweating, and heaving*

Dick: *a curl of hair falling elegantly into his shining eyes* I just had the time of my life, Jay!

Jason who is well acquainted with Dick’s “Time of the life”s: ah. My condolences.

Tim: Never again. *flopping on the ground and cater-pilling his way up the stairs*

Damian: Father, this is such disgraceful attire! Fix yourself at once, mother would be embarrassed by such a visage! What in holy reincarnation have you been doing?!

Bruce: Never again, Dick.

Dick: it’s nothing Dami, they were just helping me.

Damian: Father, I am ashamed of you. Why must you devolve to such a state when you assist Grayson, he is perfectly capable of extraordinary feats without your input. I suggest you refrain from interfering with his success again.

Bruce:

Bruce: Damian, you-

Dick: Bruce. *smiling pleasantly*

Jason: *immediately sneaking off*

Bruce’s life momentarily flashing before his eyes: …..nothing. Go finish your homework. *trudging off to whine to Alfred about how no one’s gonna believe him*

Dick: *sincerely* what a great day! 😊