Sam: What’s your problem?

Bucky: You really wanna know what my problem is?

Sam: No, that was a rhetorical question, I don’t want to know anything from you.

Sam: [gets down on one knee]

Bucky: Oh my god, it’s finally happening

Sam: [falls over]

Bucky: The poison is kicking in

bucky, at the movie theatre: 13?! 13 DOLLARS FOR A TICKET?!

sam: bucky-

bucky: I AM A SENIOR CITEZEN WHERE IS MY DISCOUNT

[Bucky, Sam and Zemo kill Walker]

Zemo: Wow, murder was not on my agenda

Sam: Murder wasn’t on anyone’s agenda

Bucky: It was on mine

Sam: I’m heading to the store. Anyone want anything?

Bucky: a reason to live

Sharon: my hopes and dreams

Zemo: some Cheerios

Bucky: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol and an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

Sam: What?

Bucky: It's science.

Zemo: Where are Sam and Bucky?

Y/N: They're playing hide and seek.

Zemo: And where are they?

Y/N: I don't think you understand the concept of the game.

Bucky: The kids hate me.

Sam: Not just the kids.

Sam: Hey, have you seen Bucky?

Steve: I’m not seeing Bucky!

Sam: ... What?

Steve: What?

Sam: So, what do you think of the internet?

Bucky: Twitter is stupid and Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read.

Bucky: Where is the idiot anyway?

Sam: I’m right here.

Bucky: Surprisingly enough, I’m not talking about you this time.

Natasha: Did either of you even take a moment to think about how bad that idea was?

Sam: Yes, of course we did.

Bucky: We just decided to ignore it.

Bucky: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Pisces and not symptoms of mental illness.

Sam: Being a Pisces is a mental illness. That’s not hate, that’s just a fact

Bucky: All right, Sam, we tried things your way.

Sam: No we didn’t.

Bucky: I tried it in my head, and it didn’t work. So as I was saying, my plan—

Sam: How do I deal with my enemies?

Bucky: Kill them.

Sam: That sounds a little extreme. I was hoping for something a little more passive?

Natasha: Dismember them.

Carol: So you still haven’t told me. What do you think counts as sex?

Sam: I don’t know. Having an orgasm.

Carol: Well, if that was the case, that would mean thousands of women who are married with children have never had sex.

Bucky: Whenever I’m around Sam my pulse increases, my breath shortens and my temperature skyrockets

Bucky: I think I’m allergic to him

sam: hey arent you that wiener soldier guy

sam: *winter lol sorry autocorrect

bucky: this is a verbal conversation

sam:

bucky:

bucky: also what is autocorrect

Bucky: You're a cheat, a liar and a piece of shit! You're not the person I decided to partner up with.

Sam: Great! Then it's over between us, I get all our property and you'll have to pass me a pension.

Y/N: *looking at them wide-eyed as he/she slowly removes the Monopoly board*.

Sam: "Has anyone seen Bucky?"

Y/N: "No, why?"

Sam: "He left another one of his erotic novels in the living room again."

*Y/N looks up”

Y/N: "Hey, that's my diary! Wait, did you read it?!"

Sam: "Wh-? Wait, this is your diary?"

Y/N: "Yes!!!" *taking it out of his hands*

Sam: "Okay. First of all I didn't know it was your diary, secondly why are you leaving it in the living room? And thirdly, when are you going to bring out the sequel?"