#how avengers infinity war should have ended

[dinuxia-bhm]

Something I should've posted long ago...

How INFINITY WAR should've gone...

#avengers #avengers infinity war #infinity war #loki #tesseract #thanos #thor ragnorak #stabbed #how it should have ended #howitsdone #loki'd #what if #loki mcu #mcu #marvel fanart

[yourmidnightlover]

the sun

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: after the events of the snap, you find out news that's both heart wrenching and warming. what happens five years later when bucky's back?

warnings: death, mourning, pregnancy, childbirth, canon-typical violence (not much but just adding to cover all the bases), loosely based on end game and infinity war (as in ignore my mistakes lmaooo), if i failed to mention any warnings PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

wc: 2.6k

a/n: dude idk why i've had an urge to write such heart wrenching angst lately. i'm actually in a decent place rn. i tried to cut this fic down bc originally it was SOOOO long i felt like a lot of it was just filler and i feel like shorter fics of mine tend to do better... ANYWHO! this does have a happy/hopeful ending so no worries! also picturing this beefcake for this story is AGHHHHHHH!

you never thought two lines on a stick could ever break your heart the way they did.

tears clouded your vision as you gripped the counter, trying not to crumble or succumb to your grief.

6 weeks ago, the avengers lost. everything.

half of the world, gone in a moment.

in one moment, your world collapsed. seeing bucky fade to dust right in front of you...

sobs wracked through your body as you crumbled to the ground.

this was supposed to be a happy moment. there should be tears of joy, not sobs of sorrow. your heart should feel full of love, not like there's a super-soldier sized hole in it.

"y/n," nat's voice rang outside the door, giving you a moment to yourself.

"just-," you tried to level your breathing before she opened the door, knowing but not understanding the grief you were feeling.

she wrapped her arms around your body, tucking your head into her neck as she gently rubbed your back soothingly. steve leaned against the bathroom door, glancing on the counter to see what they had all expected.

a positive pregnancy test.

you were having bucky's baby.

without bucky.

you gripped his dog tags that you had been wearing since the funeral. they were the only thing that could truly ground you.

they brought back happy memories of cuddling in bed, the cool metal shocking your skin for only a moment before realizing that it was only bucky and smiling at the memory.

god, it hadn't even been two months.

how were you supposed to do this alone?

"we're here for you," steve's voice called from the doorway, as if he could hear your thoughts. "you'll never be alone. not in this... not ever." he shook his head, his brows furrowed in a serious, straight line.

eventually, your sobs subsided. you stood with nat from your seat on the ground, wiping your own eyes mustering up a pathetic smile before she left you and steve to work out your grief together.

"we didn't even know it was possible," you shrugged. "it's like he sent me them..." you placed your hand on an invisible bump before facing steve, his teary eyes reminding you that he had lost his best friend, too. "he sent us this baby."

you reached your hand out for steve to hold. he took it gratefully and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tight and letting only a few tears slip his waterline before pulling back.

"if you'll let me, i want to be there for you for everything," his chin wobbled. "buck would kick my ass if i let you go through this alone." a genuine laugh left your lips for the first time in nearly two months.

"i would be so grateful for that," you nodded as you let go of his arms. "part of me still can't believe that it's real. it's like part of me still expects him to walk into the compound from a long mission or something..." you shook your head. "i know that sounds so stupid."

"it's not," he shook his head with a smile. "it's what i wish was true, maybe it's your subconscious trying to preserve your mind?"

"maybe," you shrugged before continuing, "i should probably talk to tony and bruce, huh?"

-

you knew you were around eight weeks along.

according to the doctors' tony had enlisted, however, you were already 12 weeks along, which was impossible.

bucky had been gone on a mission at that time... but it's whatever. you got to hear the heartbeat. steve went with you, too. you both bawled together. you kept three copies of the ultrasound and he kept two.

banner had already offered to do some testing on the dna of the baby, noting that the serum would likely affect the pregnancy (as it probably already has).

you had talked to tony about retiring from the whole superhero gig for the time being. you needed to mourn and prepare for a new life simultaneously. tony had promised to provide anything you needed at the drop of a hat, and he sure as hell delivered.

within no time, your pregnancy was being measured at 20 weeks while only being pregnant for 12. banner was concerned for your body's ability to keep up with the rapid rate of growth of the baby. he had you on a strict, hefty diet with two different prenatal vitamins in attempt to help your nutrition.

in spite of your best efforts, you were always exhausted and in pain. but you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. this was bucky's baby. you didn't care how much pain you went through when you had half of him growing inside of you.

you couldn't walk for long without feeling like passing out, which banner chalked up to low iron. steve had grown progressively more worried for you and the baby the longer the pregnancy went on.

as a result, he had moved into the spare room that was in your and bucky's house. truly, it just made it easier for him to help you finish up the nursery anyway.

he was very handy about it all, painting, building furniture from scratch, the whole deal.

"i've been thinking... and if it's a girl, i want to name her evangeline james barnes," you informed steve as you ate the steak he had been making for the past few weeks of your pregnancy, as ordered by dr. banner. that with carrots, broccoli, potatoes, and for dessert strawberries, blueberries and raspberries over ice cream. "and if it's a boy, cyrus james barnes. evangeline means good news, and cyrus means sun."

steve placed his hand over yours, "i think buck would've loved them." he smiled warmly as you downed the food in a few minutes.

you had begun showing soon after you found out you were pregnant, but now, it felt like it was impossible to hide. nat had been wonderful about helping you keep up with the changes your body was going through, getting you new maternity clothes every week.

she even made sure to get you every single craving that wasn't in accordance to banner's hefty diet. not that he didn't want you to eat more, he thought it was best you did! but he also wanted to make sure that with all that you did eat, your body got as many nutrients as possible.

just to be safe, he kept you on other vitamin supplements anyway.

you couldn't help but imagine what bucky would say or do about everything now.

he would hold your body closely, pressing firm kisses to your bump every chance he could get while whispering some sickly sweet sayings to your unborn child, words that would melt the winter soldier's cold exterior.

he would whisper words of encouragement any moment you felt worried about your abilities to be a mom. he would say how beautiful you were, in spite of being bloated in places you didn't know could bloat.

he would be wonderful, and in your mind, he was still alive and vibrant. well, as vibrant as bucky ever was, at least.

truthfully, that's the only way you were able to keep going on like this. steve was wonderful, but you couldn't help but want the love of your life by your side as you tried to navigate this new chapter.

in a couple more weeks, you were projected to be at 32 weeks. bruce and tony were talking with your doctors about the safety of inducing so early, both for you and the baby.

oh, and you wanted the gender to be a surprise.

and within the week, you were having your baby.

steve and nat were by your side during the birth, whispering encouraging words and compliments of your strength.

"i need him!" you screamed in pain as you held one of each of their hands, sobbing in agony. "i need james! i need my bucky! i can't do this alone, i can't-i can't!"

"you can," nat reminded you. "this baby needs you," she held your face to look at hers. "bucky is a part of this baby." you swore you could see tears in her eyes before turning to face steve.

"remember what you told me when you found out you were pregnant?" he didn't bother wiping the tears from his face. "bucky sent you-sent us this baby. he knows you can do it." you sniffled before nodding at your two best friends, pushing with one last scream and a second later, you had...

"cyrus james barnes," the nurse called to you. "it's a boy, congratulations mom."

-

the next few years went by quicker than you could've ever imagined.

crawling, first words, first steps...

you missed bucky. not a day passed where you didn't miss him.

but, having cy helped a lot. he looked just like his father. dark brown hair, icy blue eyes, a cute little nose... not to mention his father's stubbornness.

you made sure he knew who his father was. you took him to the museum often, showing him the statue of his father and his background in the world war, him saving the world so much. you told him how you fell in love with him.

how you fell for the quiet man before ever really talking to him. how you were partners on a long-term, undercover mission and that's where your love ignited from the sparks.

not that cy understood any of what you told him. you just felt it was important to know that his parents loved him, and each other dearly.

you never took off his dog tags, either.

steve was a huge help the whole time. he kept working for the avengers, so he was gone often, but he provided a good male role model for cyrus. after all, he was his uncle steve. he already taught him how to throw a ball, albeit a little softball, but it counts!

you made sure to document everything that went on in yours and cyrus's life.

banner had said that cyrus was growing at an exceeding rate, but nothing to be concerned about. in fact, cyrus was turning five in almost half a year, meaning the anniversary of bucky's death, or disappearance or whatever you called it, was coming up.

then, you got a call from tony and banner.

it all happened so quickly, from testing to planning to the execution. pepper watched cyrus for you while you went back with steve, scott, and tony to get the tesseract.

of course, the men being men had to come upon a few hiccups, but eventually, after going as far back as the 70s, you brought back the tesseract.

the only thing is that nat never came back...

next thing you know, bruce is snapping his fingers and clint is getting a call from his supposedly deceased wife. your eyes fill with tears, hands searching in your pockets for your phone to see if you've gotten anything yet.

is it possible he wasn't brought back? he was the first to... disintegrate. die. maybe that meant something in the eyes of the stones?

then, you felt a buzz in your hand.

although, you didn't have any time to try to grasp what that meant, because more aliens came to earth.

shocker.

after yet another war, one that you weren't even prepared for, after losing more people, again. after losing tony...

but amidst the chaos of the aftermath of the fight, with screams of joy and shock and grief surrounding you, tears streaming down your face, your eyes met the blue ones you only saw in your son.

he slowly walked towards you as the tears sped up. you didn't even realize when your feet began running towards him.

when his arms wrapped around your waist, you finally felt the home you thought you had come to terms with never feeling again. your arms wrapped around his neck, your face buried in his shoulder as you breathed in the scent of gunmetal that had overtaken him in the battle.

"oh my god," you cried into the leather of his jacket. he lifted you off the ground, your legs wrapping around his waist as you felt his smile on your cheek. "i can't believe you're really here."

"i'm here, doll," his hands cradled your head so tenderly. "i'm not ever leaving again. never."

you pulled back before your eyes widened in realization. "you've gotta meet someone, jamie."

his brows furrowed in confusion, just smiling and nodding along with whatever you said.

within the next few hours, simply being held by bucky before steve stole him away with a hug, you finally brought him home.

"so, steve moved in," you started as you pulled your car into the driveway, turning to see bucky looking at you with an incredulous look. "you'll see why." you reached to hold his hand before he brought yours to his lips, pressing a kiss there.

you told him to wait in the car as you went inside to relieve the babysitter for cyrus. after giving him some cash, he went outside, knocking on your car window to let bucky know he should make his way inside.

upon entering, he saw you sitting on the floor with a little boy with striking blue eyes that seemed so familiar to him. his nose, too. his lips though, they were all yours. he had a slight grin plastered on his lips, one that matched yours to a t.

"daddy?" suddenly, it all clicked.

his heart, his mind, his fucking soul, everything made sense now. the pain, hydra, the mind washing, the torture.

meeting you. falling in love. dying?

his son.

he started walking closer to bucky before the steady walk turned into a run. bucky knelt down, wrapping the boy in his arms, cradling his tiny frame in his arms protectively. his son.

"cyrus james barnes," you said with a teary smile on your face. bucky, without breaking the hug with his son, looked up at you with a smile that matched yours. "cyrus means 'sun', and i thought it was fitting. he brought me so much light and hope after you..." you choked up before he stood up with cy in his arms, walking towards you before wrapping you in the big, family hug.

"i love you so much, both of you."

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #james bucky barnes #marvel #sargeant barnes #bucky #sargeant james barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #james barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes hurt/comfort #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes whump #bucky x avenger!reader #bucky x fem!reader #dad!bucky

[iam93percentstardust]

one of the things that really bothers me about modern franchises, and in particular over the last 5 years or so, is their refusal to commit. what i mean here when i say this is that it's not uncommon for a major franchise to make a decision, whether about the plot or the characters, that should have had huge, world-changing consequences... and then just never address that again or worse, immediately go back and undo it. and i'm gonna pick on star wars and the mcu here because those are the two big franchises i'm into at the moment (and i think they're kind of the worst at this), but i don't want you to walk away from this thinking that this is solely a disney thing. i've seen this happen with game of thrones and supernatural and plenty of other non-disney franchises. spoilers ahead, you've been warned:

in ant-man & the wasp quantumania, scott and hope make the life-altering decision to stay behind in the quantum realm and defeat kang instead of going through the portal to return to their world. this should have been a huge meta decision for the mcu, and when i first saw it in theaters, my immediate thought was wow, what is this going to mean for the mcu going forward? are we going to get a movie/miniseries about scott and hope helping to rebuild the quantum realm? how are cassie, janet, and hank going to react to the losses of their loved ones (in some cases, for the second time)? is cassie going to become the "first" young avenger because she has to take her father's place among the team lineup (and i only say first because as of this moment, none of the other young avengers introduced to the franchise are official avengers yet)? except nope, because less than 2 minutes later, cassie had fixed the portal that had broken way back at the beginning of the movie and brought scott and hope back.

and it felt like such a cheat. i was so disappointed in that theater, not as someone who was invested in these characters on a personal level (because yay, cassie gets her dad back!), but as someone who has spent years investing themselves in the story of the mcu. what was the point of wasting screentime on scott and hope accepting their new lives in the quantum realm if it was just going to immediately be undone? the entire scene could have been cut to scott and hope making it back bare seconds before the portal closed and it would have had the same emotional impact. there was nothing added by making scott and hope (and us) think that there was no way back only to rip the rug out from under us and go "gotcha! you really thought we were gonna give this movie a sad ending? haha! you're so dumb!"

and this isn't the first time the mcu has done this. one of the biggest complaints about endgame was the decision to set it five years in the future with no consideration for how that would actually change the setting of the mcu. characters were brought back to the exact place they disappeared from with no consideration for how things might have changed in the interim five years (like planes that weren't in the air anymore, buildings no longer standing, even just something as simple as a chair being unoccupied). and then the mcu didn't even really have the courage to address how this would have shaped the world other than a few jokes and making the bad guys in the falcon and the winter soldier people who cared about how the world had screwed them over during the blip.

and things like this happen over and over and over again. the accords are put into place in civil war, but by the time we get to she-hulk, they're gone with no explanation because, as best as i can tell, the writers didn't want to have to deal with the worldbuilding that went into the accords. gamora is killed in infinity war, but heaven forbid quill not have an emotional investment in a film he appears for maybe 10 minutes in so now she's back in endgame. steve got to go live in the past with his ex-girlfriend (which is in itself a refusal to commit after the mcu both gave her a different husband and had the woman herself tell him to move on) but we need to establish that messing with timelines is bad because that's what the entire next phase hinges on so actually his ending was predestined and it's only everyone else who can't change time. whoever took this entire town and also wanda hostage and forced them to live out a sitcom fantasy is bad and needs to be stopped but wait, it's actually wanda and she can't be the bad guy yet, we need her for doctor strange 2, so actually everyone's going to defend her now and say that no one else could ever possibly understand her grief. thor has decided to accept responsibility as king of asgard, but we can't use him for any more movies if he's stuck in asgard, so actually he's decided to pass it on to someone whose entire leadership capability is developed offscreen. i could list more examples but this is making me angry, so let's move on to star wars instead.

with star wars, i look at first the oft-quoted meme, "somehow palpatine has returned." yeah, i shouldn't really need to go into detail on how that counts as a refusal to commit but. the last jedi was a study in how johnson refused to commit to anything that abrams had laid down in the force awakens, but rise of skywalker was almost like abrams had looked at the franchise and said "screw you for taking it away from me, i'm going to come up with the most bullshit stuff just to spite you for doing that in the first place. and i'm going to start by undoing the most important plot point of the first trilogy: the emperor dies." and yeah, disney's kind of tried to salvage this by dropping hints into the bad batch and the mandalorian about cloning, but that only really works if you're watching the franchise chronologically and not considering that both of those series came out after rise of skywalker.

and then there's the mandalorian, my sweet summer child, who is, in my opinion, the worst at backtracking their plot points. i'm not entirely convinced that any of the higher ups for this show really knew what they were doing when they started working on it and i'm not convinced that they know what they're doing now. yeah, there's the tie-in to the last season of clone wars, but the mandalorian has managed to walk back pretty much every single major plot point it's had. din is this legendary warrior who can't be beat, but no one will watch this show if he defeats everyone too early, so he's constantly getting beat up (tbf, sometimes some of the fights he loses makes sense like the krayt dragon and the mudhorn, but a lot of them don't. at all). moff gideon is dead, no wait no he's not, now he's imprisoned, no wait no he's not, now he's definitely dead, you can totally believe us this time guys. grogu can use the force and must be placed with the jedi, but wait, the only person still actively teaching the way of the jedi is luke and all of his students will be brutally murdered ten years from now, and we can't have that, everyone will be mad at us for killing off such a cute character and no one will buy baby yoda dolls (and also we have to set up luke's character degradation from hopeful, believes-in-love cinnamon roll to "i'm going to kill my nephew") so in between seasons let's have grogu decide to go back to din (and don't even get me started on how frustrating it is that a casual mandalorian watcher also had to watch book of boba fett to understand why grogu is back). din has the darksaber now which makes him king of mandalore, that's totally going to be important and what the entire series has been building up to, right? wrong! he might have spent the first two seasons making connections, learning about the world outside his sheltered upbringing, and demonstrating the various qualities that would make for a good leader, but the entire third season will be about din realizing that actually he's super unworthy and the darksaber should actually go to someone who... saw an animal in the water.

and it's really, really frustrating as a viewer! because how am i supposed to get invested in any of these plot decisions when they almost always get reversed? why should i care that mj and ned have forgotten peter when ant-man 3 has shown me that they'll remember him the next time they're all on screen together? why should i care that tech is dead when half of the last season of clone wars was about how echo was actually alive? if none of these decisions have any permanence, then where are the emotional stakes? why should i watch your movie if all you're going to tell me is that nothing matters?

#and also i want to make a point that the early mcu did permanent stakes really well #iron man 1 ends with tony announcing that he's iron man and that's something that still resonated years later #the entire second film hinged on that one moment #loki falling into the bifrost is what leads him to the chitauri which is what kickstarted the avengers #steve is woken from the ice and the first organization who presents themselves as someone to trust is shield #which sets up the betrayal he feels in the winter soldier #these moments resonate throughout the first two stages and the decisions the characters made MATTERED #so you can't help but get invested because what if it's the wrong decision??? #anyway i'm frustrated with the state of franchises #alle talks #long post

[tobiasdrake]

And then Steve's ending sucks and is bad.

Steve's ending infuriated a lot of Stucky shippers for obvious reasons. But. Like. Here's the thing: From a filmmaking standpoint, the Stuckies are right. Sending Steve back in time just doesn't work for multiple reasons, both in and out of universe.

This is going to be a longie.

#1 - Time Travel Doesn't Work That Way

The first problem is the in-universe one. This ending is so busted that the directors and writers actually have separate interpretations of what happened, and they're both wrong.

According to the directors, Steve created a parallel timeline where he's lived with his Peggy. He used the time machine to return to this timeline and go to that bench, but only once he was super old for, uh, some reason?

Problem is, according to this movie, you can't do that. You can't make a new timeline without removing an Infinity Gem from it, and also making new timelines is bad, remember? Further, the film gives no indication that Steve time traveled here. He doesn't appear on the Quantum platform. He's not wearing his time suit. He's just chilling on a bench, staring at the horizon.

The reason the film gives no indication for how Steve arrived here is because of the writers' interpretation: Steve arrived in the past of this, the main timeline. Steve himself was Peggy's mystery husband back in Winter Soldier. Old Steve has always been here, waiting for this moment.

That's actually worse than the directors' explanation. The movie has been very clear on the point that you can't directly change the past. Even after they prune the timelines, Loki didn't actually escape in 2012. That never happened. The events of the Time Heist never happened, from a historical perspective.

The internal logic of Steve's jaunt doesn't work out, no matter which way you slice it.

#2 - The Future is Scary and You Should Run Away

The second problem is what it does to Steve as a Man Out of Time. The white-hot core of this character direction is that he is an old man living in a world he doesn't recognize, and having to adapt to changing times. That's something we all have to deal with eventually.

So what is Endgame's final statement on Steve's efforts to fit into society? It's that he can't. Trying to live in this world he doesn't know is a futile gesture. In the end, Steve gives up, sinks his head in the sand, and rejects modernity. He embraces the shallow image of a woman he once loved was attracted to and lives out the rest of his days in a reactionary fantasy world.

I guess there is no value in changing and growing to adapt to the new world around you. What a shitty ending.

#3 - To the End of the Line

And finally... yeah. I'm sorry to tell you this, but the Stucky shippers were right. Not necessarily about Steve and Bucky's relationship being canonically romantic. But about Steve and Bucky's relationship being the driving emotional throughline of the entire Captain America trilogy.

In the end, this ending is the epitome of the problem with the way writers write platonic relationships versus romantic ones. Throughout the trilogy, Bucky is the most valuable and important person in Steve's life.

Steve defied orders and officially joined World War II, venturing deep into enemy territory alone, for Bucky. He was ready to die for this man. He laid down his shield and accepted the Winter Soldier's violence out of love for the man behind his eyes, and that sheer unrelenting loyalty brought him back from the monster he was programmed to be. Steve went to war with the Avengers out of love for Bucky.

And whether you take that love to be romantic or platonic, it doesn't change the fact that this is what drives the films. Not Peggy. Never Peggy. The films occasionally pay some attention to Peggy and Sharon, but they aren't actually interested in using these characters as characters.

(In fact, they're so disinterested in Sharon that she drops off the face of the universe in Infinity War and Endgame. Not even a namedrop. The moment the filmmakers decided to send Steve back to Peggy, Sharon ceased to have any value as a character and was consequently erased. They do not care about these women and their stories. The Carters are just the obligatory love interests.)

Instead, Peggy is merely the symbol of what could have been. She represents the life Steve lost, but is barely treated as a person in her own right. She's just a picture in his wallet that he can pine after. She doesn't move the story along, and his feelings for her rarely amount to more than Steve being sad for a little bit and then continuing along with what he was doing.

And this is how it always is. The best friend is the diehard series-defining relationship that moves mountains and saves the universe. And the girlfriend is just there, getting little focus or development. Steve and Bucky prove their importance to each other again and again, but no attention is paid to why Peggy is important. "She's a woman. He's a man. What more do you need?"

I'm not, personally, a Stucky shipper. But "I'm with you to the end of the line," still meant so much to me. This was the emotional core of the Captain America trilogy, right up there with "I can do this all day." Steve suddenly quitting on the future, quitting on Bucky, and running off to bury his face in Peggy's bosom felt like a betrayal of everything the films have ever told us about these characters. Peggy just wins. Because we need to marry him off somehow if we're going to tie up his journey!

It is neither a joke nor an exaggeration to say that the trajectory of Captain America throughout the MCU was ruined at the very last possible second by the straight agenda.

#marvel #marvel cinematic universe #avengers endgame #steve rogers #captain america

[inmyicyworld]

My everything

Summary: The last thing that Bucky ever expected to see was the love of his life from the past trapped in one of the Hydra bunkers in the cryofreeze chamber. Yet here he was almost two days later, staring at your still unconscious body through the window at the medical wing, imagining the horror and disgust on your face when you found out that he was no longer the innocent and happy boy you knew before.

Words count: 6.8k

Warnings: I fucked up the whole timeline sorry, no civil war and no infinity war in my world, avengers live in their tower as a family, my baby Bucky has a lot of issues and regrets, lots of feelings, happy ending as always.

Author’s note: one of my works hit more than 1,000 notes and i’m so so so grateful to every single person who supported me.

I had this idea for a while, and I finally decided to write because I had barely seen any works with this plot. if y’all like it, might as well write the second part with smut🥰

*English is not my first language, sorry if you find any mistakes*

masterlist my ao3 ko-fi

“Aren't you fucking tired of this?” Bucky growled as he burst into the common room where Sam, Steve, and Natasha were sitting. "If you set me up on another date, Wilson, I'll break your fucking wings."

Sam rolled his eyes and said, "Calm down, cyborg. Look at you, all angry and stressed out; you need to get laid! When was the last time you’ve been on a date?"

Steve raised his eyebrows in surprise as he glanced between his two friends.

"Sit down, Barnes." Nat nodded her head at the couch across from her. Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, as too many feelings were bubbling inside of him, but he obeyed and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest. “Now explain what happened.”

 "This idiot is trying to set me up again.” He said, nodding towards Sam. "And I told you I'm not interested."

 “But why? Don't you want to feel like back in the days and have some fun with pretty women? This Hydra shit clearly wasn’t good for you. You’re too tense and always mad. Go on a date, maybe you’ll find a good girl to spend some time with.” Sam genuinely wanted to help his friend, and he didn’t understand why Bucky was so mad about it.

The look on Bucky’s face was weird. Like he wanted to say something but, at the same time, didn’t want to share his thoughts. 

“Are you already dating someone?” Natasha leaned with her elbows on her knees and studied his face. There was definitely something that Bucky didn’t want to say.

Steve looked between the three of his friends, and when Nat asked Bucky a question, it was like a bulb turned on in his head.

 "Buck…" Bucky met Steve's eyes, holding eye contact for a few seconds, like they were talking about something that only they knew.

 “Hey!” Sam said, waving his hands. “What are you two doing? Do you know something, Rogers?”

 “Buck, is it because of her?” The blonde said it almost in a whisper. “You still remember, right?”

“Did you have a girlfriend before the war?” Natasha, as always, understood everything immediately, and it was funny to see how Sam’s mouth fell open in shock.

Bucky clenched and unclenched his hands in his lap, not sure if he should reveal the truth. He had kept it to himself for so long—ever since he escaped Hydra and the memories from the past started to flood his head. It was too painful to think about you. To think about the woman who was his whole life many years ago. He remembered everything, and now he sees you in his dreams almost every night. Sometimes in nightmares, sometimes in the good ones, about the life that you two would’ve had if he hadn’t gone to war.

“What the hell are you hiding from us?” Sam shouted again, trying to get attention.

 “I…” Bucky frowns, staring at his hands. “I had a girlfriend... before the army, before the Hydra.” He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. Just the thought of you hurt him, making him regret everything. That he left, that he didn’t marry you, and that the universe had this shitty plan.

 “And that’s why you don’t want to go out with someone?” Come on, man, how long has it been?  80 years? Get over it. It must have been another one of your girlfriends that you hooked up with when you were young.” He chuckled, looking between his friends, none of whom seemed happy with his choice of words.

 "Sam, don't—"

“You sound like an asshole.” 

 “Get over it?” Bucky didn’t let Steve or Nat finish their sentences before he barked at Sam, looking even more angry than before. “Just another one of my girlfriends? Do you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about, Wilson? " He looked like he was ready to kick his friend right in the face. “She wasn’t one of them. In fact, there was no “them”. In my entire life, I’ve never even touched another woman because I've been in love with Y/N since I was 14. We started dating when I turned 18, and I proposed before I had to go to the war.”

Bucky’s emotions quickly changed as the hot rage turned into a longing for memories and feelings. He felt a lump in his throat, so he reached into his pocket for his wallet, from which he pulled out your old and shabby photo, gently running his finger over your face.

“Y/N was everything to me. She said yes, and I promised her that I would return so we could get married. I imagined that I would spend my whole life with her, you know? I don't need any other woman. I do not want it. I still love her, and I don't care if either of you find it funny.

The room fell into heavy silence. Steve just looked out the window, remembering the times when the three of you went to Coney Island, and he was always the third wheel. You were his friend too, and the aching feeling in his chest was too heavy.

Sam felt a little bit awkward after saying these things about your relationships. He wanted to tease Bucky, not be rude.

Natasha was the one who took the first step when she stretched the arm so Bucky would give her the photo. “You two look so cheesy. She’s really gorgeous.” She smirked, looking at the old black-and-white photo of you two sitting on the bench. Your back was almost lying on Bucky’s body, and his arms were wrapped around you. It seemed like you were talking about something and enjoying the private moment. Bucky had the biggest smile Natasha has ever seen on his face, as he was looking at you with heart eyes.

 “Can I see?” Sam finally asked, nodding at the photograph in Natasha's hands. She passed him the photo and Bucky’s move in his place, feeling a little bit uncomfortable about revealing this part of his life. 

“You two look cute. Weird to see a smile on your face.” Sam chuckled.

“Where did you find this photo?” Steve leaned closer to the picture, immediately remembering the day you and Bucky took it and the way Bucky has had it with him ever since.

 “I took it to the war. Always had it in a jacket, even on missions. She was with me that day on the train. I think Hydra found this in my pocket. When I ran away from there, I found a box with my stuff; the photo was there.”

 “Have you… tried to find something about her?” Steve lifted his head, studying his friend's reaction.

 “Yeah,” Bucky sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know how, but I didn’t find anything. Two years after my fall, there was no record of her. No marriage certificate, no place of residence, no place of work. Nothing. Like she just disappeared.” He shook his head in despair. 

 “But it's impossible.” Steve frowned, giving the photo back. “A person can't just disappear and leave nothing behind.”

 "I don't know," Bucky shrugged, looking back at the photo for a second and then slipping it back into his wallet. "Maybe it's for the best. I don't know how I would come to terms with the news of her death.”

It’s been almost two weeks since that conversation, and luckily for Bucky, Sam didn’t attempt to set him up with anyone anymore.

Earlier that day, Tony announced that his new technology had spotted some weird activity in something that looked like an old and hidden Hydra base. It was pretty much abandoned, but there were signs of small energy consumption, as if something was still constantly working. That’s why the team of Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Tony had to check it out and destroy any possible danger.

After being free from Hydra, Bucky didn’t take part in many missions because the team agreed that it would be better for him to heal and stay far away from triggers. But this base brought up many concerns: it was hidden far away, there was no information about it in nonofficial papers, and even Bucky himself had never heard about it. Tony insisted that someone with knowledge of the Hydra system should go there too.

When the four of them arrived on the quinjet at something that looked like a well-hidden abandoned bunker, they decided not to split up and go through the main and only entrance.

“Be careful; we don’t know that they might hide in here.” Steve said, going in first with a shield in front of him. Bucky and Sam went after him, holding rifles and checking the big and almost empty room.

“They should clean in here, kinda dusty.” Tony chuckled in his usual playful voice. 

“It’s not a good time for your jokes, Stark.” Steve was always a little too serious during missions, and Tony really liked pushing his buttons. “I see the light in the other room.” He whispered, carefully opening the door. 

“Holy shit.” Sam and Tony spoke at the same time when all four of them entered the giant room.

There were five big glass machines that were a little bit foggy and had a little lightning in them.

“What is this?” Steve ran closer to one of them and saw that there was a man inside. “Oh my god, there is a man in here... It looks like he’s alive.”

“There is a folder called “The Winter Soldier Program” with personal information.” Sam said, picking up a file from the shelf in the corner of the room. “George Harris, 27 from New York. Kathleen Hill, 21 from New York…” He read, mumbling to himself.

“It’s a cryostasis chamber. Hydra used it to freeze me.” Bucky lowered his rifle, coming closer to one of the chambers. Another man. “It lowers your body temperature to the point that you can be kept like that for many years. Hydra– “ Bucky went silent when he got to another glass camera. 

“Barnes? Why is there—” Sam didn’t finish his words when the sound of Bucky’s weapon falling on the cold concrete filled the room. 

“No-no-no, please, no!” He whispered, moving closer to the glass. He couldn’t believe what he saw. 

You were right in front of him, with closed eyes and too pale skin. That was impossible. It’s not you. There was no chance that you somehow ended up with Hydra. 

Bucky felt like he was unable to breathe. He tried to inhale some air, but the lump in his throat was too big. The tears blurred his vision; he didn’t hear anything around him, as your almost lifeless body was the only thing that he thought about. You, his sweet girl, somehow ended up trapped with monsters, and he couldn’t do anything to save you from it. 

“Bucky!” Two pairs of hands dragged him from the chamber, and the blurry vision of his best friend was now visible in front of him. “Bucky, listen to me! You should calm down, buddy. Just breathe, okay?” Steve deeply inhaled and exhaled to help Bucky, and after a few minutes, he was finally able to speak.

“T-that’s impossible, Steve. She shouldn’t be there! She should’ve found another man and lived a happy life with her family!” He said in a shaking voice, angrily wiping away tears from his face. 

“I don’t know how this happened, Buck; I really don’t. But she may be alive there.” Steve supportively squeezed Bucky’s shoulder. 

“We can’t just take these people out. We should transport them to the tower and find the safest way to unfreeze them.” Tony said in a serious voice, not joking around anymore. He walked closer to the chambers, studying each of them. “It looks like they are working on their own power, and this one, “he pointed at the one that was dark and with water drops from the inside. “Doesn’t work anymore. The man is probably dead.” 

“Are there any chances of getting them out of there alive?” Sam glared at Bucky, who was just staring at your peaceful but haggard face through the glass.

“I don’t know, but me and Banner will do everything we can.”

It took another day to find a way to move four of the still-working chambers to the compound and ten more hours to defrost everyone. and to say that Bucky was completely stressed out and exhausted was an understatement. He didn’t sleep at all, staying in the room near the lab to get all the news as soon as possible. He walked around the room for hours, overthinking everything—what will happen if you die or if you survive? Is it really better for you to wake up and see all the damage that he has done for the past years? To see the empty shell of the person you loved in the past?

“Barnes!” Tony blasted through the doors with a grin on his face. “We did it.”

“You did it?” Bucky’s whole body was buzzing with energy and anxiety. “Where is she? Is she alive? Is she conscious? Can I see her?”

“Wow-wow, calm down. She is alive, but you can’t see or visit her right now. Dr. Cho has to run many tests to find out whether your lovebird is healthy or not.” Tony nodded his head toward the corridor so Bucky would follow him. “We put each of them into a different room, and your Blonde Bestie insisted on putting Y/N into the best and the biggest one. There is a special window through which you can see her, but she cannot see you from the inside. So you can be as creepy as you want to until she gets better.” Stark slapped Bucky on the shoulder to show some kind of support when they stopped in front of the said window. 

You were lying on the bed, surrounded by too many wires and monitors. Dr. Cho was standing above you, writing something down, and checking the device near your head.

She said something aloud, probably talking to FRIDAY, and came out of the room. 

“Oh, Mr.Barnes, I heard that Y/N was your girlfriend, right?” She smiled, and Bucky slightly nodded, not being able to completely drag his attention from your body. “I’ll tell you this: it’s my most difficult and unique case, but she’s a strong one. Her body heals faster than other people’s from cryo. I believe she’ll be fully awake tomorrow.” 

“Thank you, Dr.Cho.” Bucky felt a little bit better now that he had more hope that you could really be back. Dr.Cho gave him another smile and left to check on her other patients. 

“I have to find out if these people have families. Did Y/N have someone who might be alive?” Tony asked. 

“No, she didn’t.”

“I’ll go, and you, Barnes, will stay away from her for now, understood?” He pointed a finger into Bucky’s face. 

“Yes. I’ll just watch from here.” 

You were alive. You were awake. Bucky saw with his own eyes as your body started moving and you slowly sat on the bed, confused by your surroundings. He saw panic on your face because you were clearly disoriented and scared to be alone in an unknown place. 

As fast as he could, he found Dr. Cho, who was in the room with Steve and Natasha. When he, choking on all the emotions, told them about you, it was a mess. 

Dr. Cho and a few other nurses ran to your room to check your condition because you were the first one to open their eyes.

Bucky, Steve, and Nat stood on the other side of the window. Bucky wasn’t able to fully convince himself that it was true that he was so close to him. It felt like a dream, like a weird picture that his brain created to comfort him. 

“She’s okay, Buddy.” Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder because it seemed like he didn’t even blink or breathe. “You can see her soon.”

“No.” He mumbled.

“What?” His friend’s head shot in his direction.

“Someone else should talk to her first. Tell her about my past. Maybe she won’t even want to see me after everything I’ve done.”

“I can go and talk to her first.” Natasha softly smiled. She knew the feeling when you’re afraid that someone will leave you because of your past. “I think it’s better for Y/N to first find out that she woke up in the new century and that she was cryofrozen for many years. I’ll tell her that Steve is alive, and then me and you can both tell her about Bucky.” 

Bucky just nodded to her words, still not being able to look at anything besides you. He wasn’t sure that after you find out all the truth, you’ll allow him to even be around you, so for now, he tried to memorize you as much as he could. 

Since the moment you opened your eyes, everything felt unknown and different. You couldn’t explain it, but something had changed. You didn’t know where you were, what time it was, how you ended up in that place, or who all these people were. You felt scared as too many doctors crowded your room and fussed around, talking about tests and medical procedures. 

The young woman who seemed to be in charge was actually really sweet. After only you and her were left in the room, she sat on your bed with a pile of clothes in her hands and smiled at you. 

“So, Y/N, my name is Dr. Cho, and I’m here to help you heal faster and without any consequences.” 

“Where am I?” Your voice was too raspy and harsh. It felt like you swallowed a glass of sand. 

She sighed, looking at her journal. “It’s hard to explain, but I promise that there’s nothing to worry about. You are safe. In a few minutes, someone will visit you to talk about everything and answer any of your questions. Now, I was told to give you these clothes so it would be more comfortable for you. You can change in the bathroom right there; there is also anything you might need like a toothbrush, soap, and so on.” She pointed at the door in the corner of the room. 

You stayed silent until Dr. Cho left your room, and then slowly, feeling kind of scared to move around this place, you went to the bathroom to change out of the hospital gown. 

The bathroom looked even weirder than the main room; you had never seen such furniture and interiors. And when you unfolded your new clothes, it took you a few seconds to figure it out. It was some kind of soft pants and a large t-shirt. What kind of clothes was it? Yes, they were actually comfortable, but it wasn’t something that you saw in the stores. 

While you were brushing your teeth, your brain was working too hard trying to figure out what the hell was going on, until you heard someone calling your name. 

“Hey, Y/N, my name is Natasha.” The pretty red-headed woman was standing near your bed with a tray and food in her hands. 

“Please, tell me what’s going on. Where am I? Why does everything look so strange here?” You said in a desperate voice, you almost wanted to scream because you woke up several hours ago, but no one told you a single thing.

“Don’t be nervous, honey. Let's sit on the bed; you’ll eat your special meal, and I’ll tell you everything you want.” She was so nice and genuine, so you nodded and sat down. 

Natasha placed a tray near you, and you saw that it was your favorite food of all time. You took a bite, and your taste buds were immediately filled with the taste of the meal that James cooked you almost every day. James. It was his recipe. The tears flooded your eyes when all of the memories about your dead boyfriend returned to your head. Yeah, how could you forget that it had been at least two years since he was gone? 

“Y/N? What happened?” Natasha’s worried voice distracted you. 

“It just reminded me of someone. I felt like I was home, and it hurts me because nothing is the same anymore.” You wiped your tears away, taking another bite. 

“I promise you that everything is going to be okay. You are not alone here.” You frowned at her words but still nodded. “So ask whatever you want to.” 

“Where am I, and why does everything look so different?”

“You are at the Avengers Tower, located in Manhattan, New York City. I know that might sound ridiculous, but you were in the cryostasis chamber up until now. It’s 2023, and a lot of things have changed in the world; that's why it might be confusing.”

You stayed silent for a few seconds, overthinking Natasha’s words. “It can’t be true. I can’t be more than one hundred years old now. And I look the same.” 

“This is how cryostasis works—iit freezes the body so it can survive many years without any changes. Now tell me how you ended up with Hydra. What is the last thing you remember before waking up here?” 

“Back in the 40s, I was a nurse. My– my boyfriend— he died during the war.” You stopped because of the lump in your throat. It was too hard to bring back these memories because it was the first time you said these words out loud. “He died, and then my closest friend died too, and I just had no one left. I was alone, and I didn’t even know what to live for because all of my dreams about family and a happy life with the person I loved died too.” Natasha put her hand over yours on the bed and gave you a supportive squeeze. “Then one day in our hospital, scientists were looking for people who would like to test new serums. I decided that I had nothing to lose, so me and a few other nurses signed in.” 

“Kathleen, Josh, Adam, and Frank, right?” The woman in front of you gave you a sad smile.

“Yes, how do you know that?” 

“We found them with you. Adam’s camera was broken, so he died a long time ago, but the rest of them are here too, but, unfortunately, they haven’t regained consciousness yet.” 

You nodded. Your food was now done and set aside, and you sat on the bed more comfortably, bringing your knees to your chest. “These scientists were running some tests on us in the lab that they brought us in. It felt weird, and I remember that Kathleen always complained that it was painful. The last thing that happened was that they told us to step into a weird-looking machine that was meant to be a part of some kind of experiment. That’s it.”

“It was Hydra. A terrorist organization that tried to rule the world. They were evil, and you were lucky to get out of there alive.” Natasha pursed her lips. “Thank you for telling me this.” 

You two sat in silence for a few seconds until she looked over her shoulder at the weird-looking mirror that took up almost a whole wall. 

“Is anything wrong?” You furrowed.

“I have to tell and show you something really important, but everyone is worried about how you are going to react to this.” She studied your face with a weird expression. 

“Is there anything more crazy than me being in another century after I was frozen?” You tried to smile, but Natasha just nodded. 

“I’ll be right back. Please, try to breathe, okay?” She stood from your bed, took the tray, and left. 

Natasha came back, and behind her was the last person you ever expected to see again. You jumped on your feet, feeling like your eyes were lying to you. 

“This—this can’t be true... No, Natasha—Steve, you died.” You mumbled under your breath. Your heart rate was way higher than usual, and it felt like you were drowning. You put your hand over your eyes. It’s just a dream. It’s just a weird fucking dream.

Two large hands wrapped around your body, pulling you into the hard chest. “Sh-s, Y/N, breathe, just breathe.” His familiar voice filled your ears, and you started crying harder, gripping his shirt. 

“What– how– how is this possible? You crushed the plane into ice.” You shattered, tears running down your face.

“The Super Soldier serum saved me. The S.H.I.E.L.D. found my body 12 years ago.” Steve loosened his arms around you, allowing you to look up at him. He was exactly the same. This blonde hair, these light blue eyes, and that soft smile that he always had for you. “Please, sit back on the bed. We have a lot to talk about.” His face was now more serious. Even though he was extremely happy to get back his second closest best friend, he knew that Bucky was dying without you.

Steve and Bucky both looked at your interaction with Natasha, and it was obvious that everything Bucky wanted was for you to be near him. He looked through that window without any distraction, and his face lit up with a small smile when you tasted the food that he cooked for you and became emotional. He knew that you would appreciate it.

“About what?” You wiped your face with the back of your hand and sat down, holding Steve's hand. Natasha, who was still standing in the middle of the room, passed him a thick folder and left. Steve sat near you and gave you a supportive smile. 

“Bucky.” 

You froze and snatched your hand out of his. 

“Steve, no. Please—” You wrapped your hands around your body, as if you were instantly trying to hide from the pain that was aching in your chest. “Please, don’t hurt me anymore. I can’t handle that. Talking about him w-when he’s not with me anymore.” The sods started to get out of you, and you hid your face from Steve’s soft and apologizing eyes.

“He is alive.” Steve’s hands fell on your shoulders, and he lowered his head, trying to make you look him in the eyes.

“Don’t lie to me! He is dead; I saw the reports; I got the letter from Phillips saying that he’s sorry for our loss!” You particularly yelled at your friend. 

“Y/N, listen to me, okay? Bucky is alive. He is here. Behind that door, he’s watching us right now.” You were shaking your head in denial. 

That was impossible. You knew all this story; Steve himself told you what happened that day. There was no chance for Bucky to survive the fall from that height in the middle of nowhere. Yet here was Steve, sitting right before you. His big blue and soft eyes were looking into your eyes, and you didn’t see a single sign of hesitation or lying in there. He was so genuine that you wanted to believe that your boyfriend was, in fact, a few meters away from you.

“How? And why? James– he would’ve been with me if he were alive. Why isn’t he here?” You sobbed, and then the realization came to you. “That food—the food that Natsha brought me. It tasted exactly like he made it.”

“Bucky thought that it might comfort you. He found you in that laboratory, he has been near you since that day, and he saw that you were scared and disoriented when you woke up. And that's why I am here. Bucky insisted that I should talk to you first and tell you everything. He is afraid that you might not see him anymore after finding out everything that is written here.” Steve picked up the folder and put it on your lap. 

“The Winter Soldier” was written on top of the old-looking piece of paper, and for some reason you felt something weird in your chest.

“I want to let you know that whatever is in here, it cannot make me hate him.” You mumbled, hesitating to open the folder. “What’s in there, Steve? Tell me everything.”

“These are the papers that S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra had on the Winter Soldier. Everything that happened to him: experiments, torture, assassinations, crimes. This is what happened to Bucky after the fall. This is what Hydra did to him over these years.” 

You felt a lump in your throat when you opened the first page and saw Bucky’s photo from the army. But nothing prepared you for everything you read and saw after that. He wasn’t even James or Bucky anymore. He was a Soldier. An Asset. Someone without an identity. All the detailed descriptions of the medical procedures, brainwashing, electroshock, torture, and punishments with attached photos made you want to vomit and cry hysterically. You couldn’t stop crying when your shaking hands took a picture of the love of your life sitting shirtless and unconscious on some kind of stool with wires attached to his head. 

How could someone do that? How could someone torture a person almost to death and then just write about it like it was a fucking dairy? 

“His arm, it’s metal. Why is it made from metal?” Your teary-red eyes shoot back to Steve’s face. 

“Bucky lost it during the fall. They gave him a new one, but it causes him a lot of pain. Physical and mental.”

“I don’t— Steve, I don’t understand.” You took another picture with Bucky standing in his full black costume and a mask, not a single emotion on his face. “Why did they do this? For what?” 

“Hydra wanted to have the perfect asset. Killing machine. To commit crimes, kill unwanted people, and basically rule the world.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, looking at the floor. “They made Bucky the best. They completely cleared his head from the memories of his past; they trained him to be invincible and invisible. They had a special combination of words to control him, so he would always come back and do as he was told.”

You closed the file and moved it aside, closing your face with your hands while you were crying.

“And he thinks that I can reject him?” You whispered.

“Y/N, please try to understand what such things can do to your brain. Bucky goes to therapy, but he probably would never be able to fully heal from this experience.” His hand fell on your shoulder and squeezed it slightly. “Bucky always was a good person; that's why right now he feels so much guilt that it’s unimaginable. Even if nothing of this is his fault, he can’t forgive himself for these murders and damage. He has PTSD, nightmares, and a lot of trust issues.”

“I understand, but I would’ve never rejected him. He’s everything that I had, and when I lost him, it felt like hell.” You took a deep breath, looking Steve in the eyes. “Please, let me see him. I need it, and he needs it too.” Steve’s eyes softened at you. He almost forgot the love that his two best friends had for each other. 

“Give me a minute, okay?” He smiled, kissed your head, and left your room, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You were really going to see the man that you thought you had lost forever in a few seconds. It was almost three years for you, but almost eighty for him. A wave of anxiety washed over you when you thought that maybe he doesn’t feel the same anymore and doesn’t have the same feelings as you do. You almost went down a rabbit hole until the door started to open. 

You slowly stood up, feeling a little bit uneasy. Even though you and Steve were just talking about it, seeing Bucky alive felt unreal. Your eyes were sliding up and down his face to remember every little part. He looked different, more mature, with a broad chest and shoulders and long, silky hair. 

Bucky’s heart was pounding in his ears, and his mouth was completely dry while you were observing him. You had tears in your eyes, and your lower lip was trembling when you tried to hold yourself from crying out loud. You were in some baggy clothes that Nat found for you, but you still looked fucking gorgeous. Still the most beautiful girl on the whole planet. 

“Doll…” Bucky’s raspy voice filled the room, and it was everything you needed. 

In just a second, you ran to him, falling right into his body. Arms wrapped around his shoulders, and your face hidden into his neck. 

As soon as Bucky finally hugged your smaller body and felt that it was real and that you were real, he broke down. Every last piece of strength went through the window as the tears rolled down his cheeks, probably soaking your t-shirt.

He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for your forgiveness for all of the awful things that he had done. He didn’t deserve you anymore, not with this much blood on his hands. But Bucky couldn’t do what he wanted because your grip on him was so strong that he wasn’t even able to move away for an inch. 

“James…” Your quiet voice filled his ears, and it sent shivers down his spine. Only you and his ma called him that, and he missed it so fucking much.

Bucky’s hands moved from your waist a little bit lower, and you viewed it as an opportunity to get even closer. Your legs instantly wrapped around his body, and Bucky, making sure that you wouldn’t fall, went to the bed and sat down with you on his knees. 

“I’m so sorry... I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done.” He sobbed, shaking his head. You pulled away a little bit, finally meeting Bucky face-to-face. 

“Don’t you dare apologize for the things that you weren’t able to control, James!” Your voice suddenly became rough, filled with so much anger toward the people who hurt your precious boy. His hand on your waist tightened, and you slid your own to cup Bucky’s face. “I want to kill every one of them. Everyone who hurt you, who punished you,” Soft fingertips traced the delicate skin of the templates where, as you remember from the photos, wires with electricity were placed. “You didn’t deserve to go through this, James. I wish I was there for you.” 

“You were always with me. Even when they wiped me, I still had someone in my head. A woman with a soft voice, who told me that I'm strong and that it will end soon. I would’ve died without it.” You both were looking into each other's teary eyes, both feeling too much love and desire. 

Your head slightly tilted towards his, connecting your foreheads, and for a few seconds, it felt like home. Like nothing happened and you two were just having a lazy morning in bed.

The calloused hand on the side of your face brought you back to reality. Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes were looking into yours, and, sharing one thought, you both moved closer and connected your lips. The kiss was so soft, slow, and gentle, like you had the whole time in the world. It was this type of kiss that said that you both were there and alive. It was a reminder of the love that you had for each other. Reassurance, that no matter what, you will be there.

“I missed you so fucking much, doll. Since the day I first remembered everything, all I could think about was you. Even tried to find you, but there was not a single document. I started to believe that you just found a man, changed your last name, and moved away from that mess.” You were so close to each other, not wanting to split up even for a second. Your hands were moving up and down Bucky’s hard chest while he was rubbing the soft skin of your cheek with his thumb.

“Are you joking, James? No one was able to replace you. The only people I talked to during that time were your mom and Becca.” His facial expression slightly changed at the mention of his family, and you placed a soft kiss on his stubble cheek. “I should’ve been the one who took care of them, but I was nothing without you, and Winnie almost made me move in with them. That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to be a volunteer for these tests.” 

Bucky shook his head, his eyes again full of regret and pain. “I hate that it happened because of me.”

“At least I’m here right now. With you.” You smiled, sliding your hand into his dark, long locks. “You know, James, you look really good for someone who’s older than one hundred years old. I like your hair. And stubble.” His eyes rolled back at the feeling of your nails on his scalp. It had been so long since someone touched him without an intention to hurt him, and the realization of that made your heart swell with the need to take care of your boyfriend. 

“You know that you’re one year younger than me, right?” Your favorite little smirk in the whole world appeared on Bucky’s lips, and you smiled, moving a little bit closer to his body. The metal hand on your waist tightened, and you realized that you hadn't seen it in person yet. 

Your right hand reached behind you, grabbing a hard wrist that was covered in leather. Bucky’s body immediately froze under you, and his eyes snapped open. 

“Doll, no… You don’t have to...” 

“I want to. Give me your hand, James.” You said without any hesitation. Bucky looked you in the eyes for a few seconds, but then brought his metal hand between your bodies. “It’s just me, okay? I’m not scared, and I want to know everything.” You wrapped both of your hands around his hand and then gently started to take off the glove. 

The dark metal with beautiful golden stripes was shining under the bright light of the room. Your mouth slightly opened when you moved each finger with interest. Your gentle hands slid higher, rolling up the sleeve of the red henley Bucky was wearing. It was so smooth, without any sharp details, just an amazing and mind-blowing mechanism. 

“That’s so beautiful.” You mumbled in awe. Suddenly the plates under your hands moved, and a quiet whirring sound filled the room. You shot your eyes back at Bucky in shock, only to see that he was already looking at you with so much love that you almost melted. “Did you do that?” 

“It’s a new arm, not from Hydra. It reacts to my emotions. No one ever touched it without any fear.” You almost missed that last sentence, but the hurt in Bucky’s voice made you grab his face with your hands to get his whole attention.

“Listen to me, James. I’m not afraid of you. I won’t reject you. You are everything that I want. You still have the biggest and kindest heart of the guy that I met many years ago, and I’ll do everything to prove to you this.” The metal hand carefully touched your hand on the side of his face. “I love you. I love you so much, James.”

“I love you too, Doll. More than anything in this life,” Your lips crushed into each other, now sharing a more passionate and deep kiss. You slightly tilted your head, allowing Bucky to part your lips with his tongue and playfully bite you. It was almost too overwhelming, and you both were completely lost in each other until you finally needed to breathe. 

“Stay here with me, please. I don’t want you to leave.” You whined, trying to push your big and strong super soldier onto the bed. 

“I won’t leave, baby.” He chuckled, allowing you to push him back. You happily giggled and laid near him, interlacing your bodies together. 

You two were just staying in your own little bubble on your bed for what seemed like forever, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, until you finally fell asleep, feeling happy and peaceful in each other's arms.  

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky x female reader #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel fanfiction #one shot

[wandamaximoffsbadgirl]

Let's Talk About That Chapter 8

Psychiatrist!Avenger!fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Summary: The team discusses what to do about Thanos

Word Count: 3.1K

Warning: Mostly angst, but some fluff too!

A/N: Writing through Infinity War has been a hell of a journey and I still have more to do!

"Hello secretary." Steve said to the hologram of secretary Ross as we entered the compound. You held Natasha’s hand with Wanda and Vision behind you.

"You have some nerve coming here." Secretary Ross spoke.

"Looks like you could use some of that right about now." Natasha stated bluntly.

"The world's on fire and you think all's forgiven?" Ross asks Steve.

"I'm not looking for forgiveness and I'm way past asking for permission. Earth just lost her best defender so we're here to fight and if you want to stand in our way then we can fight you too." Steve stated to Ross who turned his attention to Rhodey.

"Aresst them." Ross said.

"Will do." Rhodey pushed the holograms effectively ending the virtual call.

"That sounded like a court marshal." Rhodey stated flatly before smiling. "It's good to see you Cap." Holding out his hand which Cap shook. Then Natasha let go of your hand giving Rhodey a hug.

"Well you guys all look like crap." Rhodey jokes and you let out a chuckle.

"You should have seen the other guys. I got there and they ran with their tails between their legs." You told him a big smile on your face.

"Went all power stone on then didn't you?" You nodded, earning a hair ruffle from Rhodey.

"Of course they were hurting people I care about." You looked back at Wanda and Vision with a smile. "No one gets away with hurting the people I care about."

"I think you guys look great." You hear as you turn your head to the familiar voice of Bruce. Natasha doesn't move, but you do, running up to hug him.

"Missed you big guy. Both of you." You say as he picks you up.

"Missed you little lady."

"Hi Bruce." Natasha speaks and you let go looking back at her. The faintest smile in the corners of her lips.

"Nat." He does a nod of his head.

You run back over to Tasha. "Go." You whisper through your teeth. She shakes her head ever so slightly. "If I did it you can do it. Go." You move behind her and push her. Making her stumble forward, Bruce catching her as you move back next to Wanda and sigh. "Young love...or old...I'm not quite sure anymore with those two." You state to the now red head, last you had seen her Wanda still had brunette hair.

As you glanced back at Natasha and Bruce, a sense of hope flickered within you, a reminder that even amidst chaos and uncertainty, love and connection could endure, serving as a beacon of light in the darkness.

When Vision is taken by Bruce to be examined and Nat talks with Steve, Rhodey, and Sam, Wanda pulls you away into the compound. You trail behind her, relishing in the way her hand feels in yours. You had missed how it felt; almost forgot how it felt actually.

You don't realize it until she opens the door that she's taken you to your office. She looked back at you and gave a small smile as she sat on the couch like she always used to. You walk to your desk, seeing everything as you had left it. Your notebook for Wanda sitting there. You smile, picking it up along with the red pen you always used for her notes, testing the pen to make sure it still works.

You move back over sitting across from her, clicking your pen as you look at her over your glasses.

"Are you happier with her?" Wanda asks, making your throat dry up instantly. It felt hard to swallow, hard to breath.

"Don't make me answer that." You manage to say.

"Why? 'Cause it's true?"

"You know it's not. I love Natasha. Truly I do, but I'm not happier with her. The only thing that makes me happier is knowing she's made me a better person for you if you can ever give me a second chance and if not. I'll settle for her." You tell her flat out, putting your feelings out there. "My heart has always been yours."

"Does she know that?"

"Of course she does. She's not stupid." You respond with a slight bite to your words as you write in your note book.

Feeling a need to lay bare the depth of your feelings, you flipped through the pages of the notebook, searching for a particular entry. As you found the right page, you turned the notebook toward Wanda, revealing a love note you had penned after she returned from Lagos, a moment etched in my memory where she broke down, finding solace in your arms.

The emotions spilled across the page, a raw expression of love, hurt, and comfort. You saw the reflection of those sentiments in Wanda's eyes as tears glistened, capturing the spectrum of her feelings in a poignant dance of colors. The room held a heavy silence, interrupted only by the quiet sobs that reverberated between the two of you, bridging the gap between past and present.

"You took my hurt away...?" Wanda's voice was soft, laced with disbelief and a hint of wonder. You nodded solemnly, feeling the weight of your actions settle heavily on your shoulders.

"I know I said I'd never do it without your permission, but I had to take some of it. I could see it overtaking you. It was bitter and tasted like bile," You explained, a shiver coursing through you at the memory. "You know I don't like eating emotions, especially negative ones."

Wanda nodded in understanding before rising from her seat, crossing the space between you until your knees touched. Her touch was gentle as she cupped your cheek, coaxing you to meet her gaze. You hesitated, but her commanding tone compelled you to look into her deep green eyes, the same eyes you had always found solace in.

"Hey. Look at me," she urged softly, her voice carrying a mixture of warmth and familiarity. You met her gaze, feeling a sense of calm wash over you as your eyes locked.

"I missed the fuck out of you. I was upset with you about that jealous outburst, but you were just a kid still, and I forgot that along the way because you're you and so smart and mature," she confessed, her words washing over you like a soothing balm. You leaned into her touch, finally allowing yourself to relax in her presence.

"I'm sorry for what happened to us two years ago, Y/N," Wanda apologized, her voice laced with genuine remorse. You smiled softly and pressed a kiss to her hand in response.

"I'm sorry too, Wanda. If it hadn't been for those stupid accords..."

"We don't know what could have or would have happened, Y/N, and we shouldn't dwell on that. All we can do is move forward and see where that takes us," she reassured you, her words resonating deeply within you.

You nodded in agreement, pulling her into a tight hug, reveling in the familiar warmth of her embrace. As you buried your face in her neck, you breathed in her intoxicating scent of vanilla, feeling a sense of peace wash over you. Opening your eyes, you saw the telltale red aura surrounding her, a manifestation of love and passion that stirred something deep within you. With a smile, you allowed yourself to fully embrace the moment, knowing that your journey forward held endless possibilities.

"Vision and I have a connection through the mind stone, and I do love him just like how I know you love Nat. What you and I had, I will always hold close, but I can't just leave Vision," Wanda's words cut through you like a knife, each syllable piercing deeper into your heart.

You struggled to find a response, your mind reeling with a mix of emotions—heartache, disappointment, and a lingering sense of resignation. Before you could gather your thoughts to form a coherent reply, Tasha's voice interrupted the heavy silence, drawing your attention to the doorway where she stood.

"Figured I'd find you two here. Time for a meeting on what we're going to be doing," Tasha announced, her presence offering a temporary respite from the weight of the conversation.

You stood up at Tasha's words, leaving Wanda behind in the office. Tasha pulled you close, her kiss on your cheek a fleeting reassurance amidst the turmoil brewing inside you. Her whispered question echoed in your ear, and you offered only a small shrug in response as she wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

"We'll talk later, okay?" You assured Tasha, and she simply nodded in understanding as Wanda joined you, her presence feeling like a heavy weight on your shoulders. You didn't pay much attention to her, but you noticed Tasha's subtle glance back at Wanda, a silent warning simmering beneath the surface of her gaze. If looks could kill, Wanda would be dead from whatever Tasha had conveyed in that single glance.

"So we gotta assume they're coming back, right?" Bruce asks, his tone laced with concern as he scans the room for answers.

"And they can clearly find us," Wanda reminds the group, her voice tinged with a sense of urgency.

"We need all hands on deck. Where's Clint?" Bruce inquires, his gaze sweeping the room for any sign of the absent Avenger.

"After the whole Accords situation, he and Scott took a deal. It was too tough on their families. They're on house arrest," Nat explains to Bruce, filling him in on the latest developments.

"Who's Scott?" Bruce's confusion is palpable as he seeks clarification.

"Ant-Man," Cap offers, providing the missing link.

"There's an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?" Bruce's incredulity is evident as he processes the information.

"Look, Thanos has the biggest army in the universe... and he is not gonna stop until he gets..." Bruce's voice trails off, his gaze shifting between Vision and you, hesitating to voice his next words. "Till he gets those stones," he finally concludes, pointing at the two of you.

You feel a surge of anxiety grip you as Bruce's words sink in. Tasha, sensing your unease, moves closer to Bruce, her protective instincts kicking in.

"Well then, we have to protect them," Tasha declares firmly, her eyes darting between Bruce and you, a silent vow of defense.

"No, we have to destroy them," Vision interjects, his tone resolute and unwavering.

You can't help but chuckle at Vision's suggestion, though the humor quickly fades as the gravity of his words settles over you.

"Ha! No. Hell fucking no. I don't plan on dying, or did you forget I said that? I will die without the stone," You retort, your defiance clear to everyone in the room, especially Vision.

"I've given this a great deal of thought, Y/N. I do not say it lightly, but if he does get his hands on these stones... especially yours, he'll be unstoppable," Vision insists, meeting your gaze with a solemn intensity that sends a shiver down your spine.

You struggle to catch my breath, the weight of Vision's words bearing down on you like a suffocating blanket. Your hand instinctively reaches for your chest, as if seeking reassurance from the stone that rests within you.

"I've thought about the nature of my stone, along with yours and some of the last words you said while we were allies. Knowing what your stone is capable of. We must destroy them and I think if they were exposed to a sufficiently powerful energy source," Vision explains, his voice tinged with determination as he approaches Wanda.

You rise from your spot, brushing off Tasha's attempt to stop you, and step closer, feeling Wanda's eyes flicker to you before returning to Vision, who gently places his hands on her arms. "Something very similar to their own signature perhaps," he continues, his touch reminiscent of the way you used to hold her, though his hands are much larger than your own. "Its molecular integrity could fail."

"Yeah, and both of you with it," Wanda responds, her gaze shifting between Vision and you. "We aren't having this discussion. It's too high a price to lose both of you," she declares firmly, trying to contain her frustration.

Vision's hands move to Wanda's cheeks, holding her gently, but she steps away from him, her resolve evident. You move closer to her, feeling the tension in the air thickening.

"Y/N, don't," You hear the tremor in her voice, the raw emotion threatening to spill over.

You bite the inside of my cheek, grappling with the gravity of the situation. "Wanda," You address her firmly, reaching out to grasp her shoulder. "If you refuse... I will take Vision's stone out of his head because I know I can, and I will personally crush it, and then my own if that is our last resort," You declare, your tone unyielding. "And I will do it in front of you," You add, squeezing her shoulder for emphasis. "I don't say this lightly because I'd rather not die. I personally think that between the three of us we can take him down, but if you won't do it, I will," You assert, speaking with a deadly seriousness before returning to your spot, your heart heavy with the weight of your words.

"I won't entertain the idea of trading lives," Cap asserts firmly.

"Seventy years ago, you laid down your life to save how many millions of people?" Vision responds, his voice carrying a weight of history. You tune out their exchange, feeling a sense of unease settling over you. You lean forward, pulling Tasha back to you, seeking comfort in her presence. Wrapping your arms around her waist, you settle her between your legs, resting your chin on her shoulder as you gaze at Wanda. Regret and guilt weigh heavy on your heart, and you grip Tasha tighter until she makes a small noise of discomfort. Quickly, you release your hold, whispering an apology.

"Sorry..." You murmur softly, your voice barely audible.

Tasha responds with a gentle pat on your arm, understanding in her touch. "It's okay, Y/N," she whispers back.

As Bruce delves into an explanation about Vision's complex composition, your brows furrow in confusion. "What?" You whisper, turning to Bruce. "How did I not know there's parts of me in him?" You ask, bewildered by the revelation.

"Tony put everything of you that Jarvis collected over the years of your sessions," Bruce explains matter-of-factly.

"Good to know my sessions were private," You mutter sarcastically against Tasha's shoulder.

"You're saying Vision isn't just the stone?" Wanda interjects, her voice carrying a hint of curiosity.

"I'm saying that if we take out the stone, there is still a whole lot of Vision left. Perhaps the best parts," Bruce elaborates, prompting a moment of contemplative silence.

"What about me?" You inquire, releasing Tasha and standing up once more, your emotions bubbling to the surface. "You told me years ago that this stone is attached. It's wrapped around my lungs and my heart. If we take it out of me..." Your voice cracks, tears spilling down your cheeks. "I will die," You confess, your vulnerability laid bare for all to see.

Bruce places his hands on your shoulders, offering reassurance as you struggle to maintain composure. "I've thought about it a lot over the years, and I was thinking maybe, similar to Tony, we could do an open-heart surgery. Open you up and basically cut away the tendrils that the stone has put around your heart and lungs. Take the stone out and put an arc reactor in its place to keep you going," he suggests, his words hanging heavy in the air.

"D-do you think we can do that?" Tasha's voice quivers with fear and concern.

"Not me. Not here," Bruce replies solemnly, withdrawing his hands as you retreat back to Tasha's embrace.

"Well, you better find someone and somewhere fast," Rhodes interjects, breaking the somber atmosphere with a practical reminder.

"I know somewhere," Cap offers, his voice cutting through the tension with a sense of urgency.

As you holed yourself away in the small room of the Quinjet, facing the wall to hide your tears, the weight of your emotions overwhelmed you. Sobs wracked your body, your throat burning with the effort to contain your grief. In moments like these, you longed for the ability to numb your own emotions, to escape the pain that threatened to consume you.

A knock at the door startled you, and you called out for whoever it was to go away. Despite your plea, the door opened, and you tensed, expecting Tasha's presence. Yet, as the cot beside you shifted, you realized it was someone else. you didn't dare look, even when I felt soft lips press against the back of my shoulder, and tears dampened my shirt.

"I can't lose you," came the whispered confession, confirming your suspicion that it was Wanda behind you.

"Why not? You have Vision," you replied, your voice strained and cracked from crying.

"I do, but I don't want to lose you. You're too important. I meant what I said," Wanda insisted, her arm tightening around you as she pulled you closer.

"It's too high a price," she added, sending a shiver down your spine. You reached out, placing your hand over hers, and then turned to face her, allowing her to pull you into her embrace.

"Come here," You whispered, giving in to the flood of emotions as you cried in her arms. "Wands, I don't want to die... I know we're Avengers, but I'm terrified of death," You confessed, your tears flowing freely as she rubbed your back in a comforting gesture, mirroring the care you had shown her countless times before.

"I won't let that happen. I promise," Wanda whispered soothingly. "Just rest for now. We'll be in Wakanda soon enough, and I don't want you thinking about it anymore."

Looking up at her, you found the courage to ask something you had never asked before, a desperate plea born out of fear and desperation. "Can you take it away? Can you make me forget it?"

Wanda cupped your cheek, her touch gentle yet determined as she searched through your thoughts, sensing the depth of your distress. With a nod, she moved her fingers to your temples, her crimson tendrils reaching out as you closed your eyes, surrendering to her power.

"Shhhh, don't worry anymore, Detka... rest now," were the last words you heard, and you swore you felt her lips brush against yours before sleep claimed you, offering temporary respite from the weight of your fears.

#ley speaks #ley writes #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda x you #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fluff #wandavision #wanda maximoff fluff

[honeycombclaire]

You know what I need? I need the Marvel time-travel trope, but everyone goes back to the 40s.

(I say everyone, I mean the Avengers pre-Infinity War.)

Because everyone says Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are men out of time (and they’re not technically wrong). But I want to see the Avengers (sans Steve and Bucky) getting sent back in time by some wizard or a freak Asgardian lightning storm or something, and poof, they’re back in the 40s, right smack in the middle of the war.

I want the Avengers to witness what life was like during the war, hiding in bomb shelters and seeing the after effects of the world crawling out of the Great Depression and hurtling into the second World War in twenty years.

Life when Steve really was the weirdest thing science ever created. When he was desperately needed and internationally adored. Because all of the Avengers have PTSD, but Steve and Bucky went through World War II and got spit back out into the 20th and 21st centuries, and that’s a whole different category of PTSD and trauma.

I want the Avengers to actually meet the survivors of Azzano, when Steve marched into the massive Nazi base and saved hundreds of soldiers, part because he could and part because he was desperate to save his best friend, and didn’t think twice about it.

I want the Avengers to see Steve and Bucky thrive. I want them to witness Steve and Bucky with the Howling Commandos. Steve’s first team. I want them to see how Steve and Bucky lived, what life was like, because it was drastically different than the modern world.

I want the Avengers to witness firsthand life on a military base. I want Tony to have to look his father in the eye and pretend he doesn’t know who he is, but get to see all the good his father did because all he remembers is his father being an asshole. How much Steve really did care about Howard (and that Bucky did, too, because Howard made weapons to keep Steve safe).

I want Natasha to see that just because she’s an assassin doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, because there were hundreds of military assassins and spies during the war that did bad things to get information.

I want them to hear about the Tesseract and learn that sometimes Steve’s intelligence should be taken seriously, because he has experience and knowledge that none of the other Avengers will ever have. (“You should have left it in the water.” “This is the guy my dad never shut up about?”)

I want them to see how much Steve loved Peggy, how she and Bucky were the only ones who saw him for who he really was, and realize how awful it must have been for him to come back and work for the organization she created after his death and have to live without her.

I want them to hide and watch as Past Steve screams as Past Bucky falls from the train. I want them to see Past Steve realize he can’t get drunk, and the only way he can cope is to kill the Red Skull and end HYDRA. To avenge his friend. I want them to realize that not only did Past Steve crash the plane for nothing, but that Steve knows, has to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.

I want them to listen with Peggy as Past Steve realizes he’s going to have to crash the plane. I want them to hear the slight tremble in Past Steve’s voice as he talks about dancing with Peggy, believing he’ll never get the chance, and that he’s going to die alone in the freezing cold ocean. I want them to not get the change to promise him that he’ll survive. I want them to hear the sudden static that cuts off Past Steve’s voice, and the heavy silence that comes after it.

I want them to see the world mourn for Captain America, who died just months before the war ended.

And then I want them to come back to the 21st century and see. I want them to see the way Steve’s eyes linger on pictures of Peggy and Howard, see the rows of records from the 30s and 40s in a whole new light, see rows of 30s-style clothes in his closet that he hardly ever wears because a lot of people will make jabs about it, see the way he always keeps Bucky in his sight, hugs him just a little bit tighter than he hugs everyone else.

I want them to see the bags under his and Bucky’s eyes when they have nightmares. I want Sam to quietly show them Steve’s list, and see that every line on every page is filled because he missed so much. I want them to find two more little books filled up just as much. I want them to realize how lost Steve still is despite how much he’s adapted.

I want them to see the subtle military training still ingrained in Steve’s bones, because any and every war was horrible, but World War II was something else entirely, and so was desperation that existed within the soldiers and the people. I want them to see Steve’s recklessness of jumping out of planes without a parachute, the way his eyes always scan the area when he enters a room, watching ever little detail and listening for any sound that might indicate danger. How he is always, always, on alert, even when he seems relaxed.

I want them to understand why Steve was so against the Sokovia Accords. It wasn’t because he wanted the power to do what he thought was best; it was because he was afraid of the consequences of having too many restrictions. Because even with international laws and the damn Geneva Convention, the Nazis still destroyed half the world, and decades later Nazi HYDRA was still carrying out their mission that Steve sacrificed his life for. Steve was a human experiment. The Serum was a biochemical weapon. The military broke the rules to protect the greater good, and Steve knew that. The war would have gone very differently without him.

Whether he was right or wrong about the Accords, after what Steve experienced, I want the Avengers finally understand where he was coming from. Why he was so afraid of strict regulations.

I want Tony to finally fully understand the significance of Steve giving up his shield in Siberia.

Why he was so determined to protect Bucky from the world. Not just because he was his best friend, or because it was the right thing to do. But also because Bucky was the only thing Steve physically had left of his life before the crash, save for his dog tags, and he was scared of what that would mean if Steve lost him.

Steve Rogers has so much trauma that Marvel completely ignored. They focused on Tony’s and Bucky’s and Natasha’s trauma; and that’s great, that’s important; but so much of Steve’s moral character doesn’t get explained because it gets glossed over with the excuse that he’s “Mr Good and Righteous.” And that’s true, but that’s just scratching the surface.

He’s Mr. Good and Righteous for a reason, and it doesn’t get talked about enough.

#steve rogers #the avengers #marvel #mcu #bucky barnes #don’t come at me steve did crappy things during civil war #but so did everyone else #it’s about time marvel start recognizing Steve’s trauma is so much more than PTSD #that’s my point here

[ladychota]

I Missed You

Pairing - Loki x Female Reader

Warnings - Crying Loki, freaking Thanos dusting half the universe, grief (lmk if you want me to add anything)

Summary - The Avengers leave for a mission, leaving you and Loki alone in the compound to do whatever you want... but something unexpected happens.

Word Count - 850

A/N - This takes place at the end of Infinity War to near the end of Endgame, but Loki survived Thanos and his neck-crushing hands

Masterlist

"I'm glad they didn't let you go on that mission," You say, stroking Loki's hair as he lies on your chest.

"Oh really?" He replies. "And why's that?"

"Because it means we can spend time together. I missed you when you went to Asgard with Thor,"

You feel him smile against your stomach. "I missed you too, my love. So much. When Thanos came for us, I honestly thought it was the end. I thought I'd never get to hold you ever again,"

You hum in sad acknowledgement. "I started to get worried after the first few weeks of no contact. I was so scared that something had happened and I wasn't there to save you..."

You feel his hand stroke your face lovingly. "Well, we're here together now. That's all that matters, darling,"

"I agree," You smile. "In fact, why don't we do something? We should make use of this alone time,"

Loki sits up just enough so he can see your face, then leans forwards and presses a kiss to your lips. "I'd like that,"

You both get up and stretch, planning what you could do together.

"We could do some baking," You suggest. "Or reading,"

"Hmm... we could make those little fairy cakes you like," Loki pulls you towards him, a grin playing on his lips.

"Yes! They're my fav-" Your sentence is cut off by an odd pull in your chest. The smile is wiped from your face.

Something isn't right.

"Are you okay, my love?" Loki asks, concern lacing his every word. "We don't have to do it,"

You look up into his worried green eyes, your breathing becoming short.

"S-something's happened," You say shakily, feeling your body weakening.

"What do you mean?" Loki's grip tightens on your arms.

Something black begins to swirl around you... ashes, perhaps?

"Wait... wait Y/n! No!" His panicked voice fades away; his body disappears. You stumble forwards at the lack of contact. 

The ashes that were once floating around seem to sink into your skin. You look around at the once beautiful room as it slowly transforms. The wallpaper starts to peel and discolour, the furniture overturns and breaks itself, the light in the room disappears as the curtains are drawn.

You freeze, looking around the room as your heart is gripped by fear.

"What the fuck..."

What just happened? Where did Loki go? You feel your strength returning, but that feeling of weakness is quickly replaced by terror.

"Y/n!?" You hear a shout and fast feet down the corridor outside. "Y/n!!"

"Loki!?" He bursts through the door and freezes as you run a stressed hand through your hair. "I don't know what the hell just ha-"

You stop speaking as you notice him walking towards you slowly; timidly; his eyes filling with tears.

"Are you alright?" You ask, your voice breaking slightly with worry.

His hands cup your face, caressing your cheeks so gently it's as if he's worried about breaking you.

"Are you really here?" His voice is a hoarse whisper.

"Yes...?" You whisper in return. "Why wouldn't I be?"

His bottom lip trembles as the welling tears finally spill and trickle down his face. To think you were speaking of making fairy cakes only a moment ago...

"Y/n... my love, it's been five years,"

Your brow furrows in confusion. "Five years? Since what?"

He lets out a shuddering breath. "We lost, Y/n. That mission the others were sent on? They lost. Thanos snapped. He killed half of the universe, in-including... you,"

Your heart fills with dread, Loki's teary eyes only making it worse. "But then... how am I here?"

A small, sad smile graces his face before it disappears only a moment later. "We got the stones back. Bruce snapped and... and... you're here,"

His arms wrap around you as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, sobs wracking through his body. He's holding you so tightly it hurts, but you don't care.

"I'm here, Loki..." You murmur, trying to reassure him as tears spring to your own eyes.

He pulls away after a few minutes, attempting to steady his breathing as he looks down at you.

"I missed your beauty," He whispers. You notice how tired he looks, how the spark in his eyes seems to have died. "I missed your laugh and your jokes. I missed your voice, the twinkle in your eye, the lines you get on your face when you smile," He gives you a small, wobbly smile; you're both on the verge of tears once more as he continues:

"I missed the happiness and love you brought me. I missed the way you fiddle with your hair or my hand when you're nervous, the way you snuggle into my chest when you're tired, the way you try anything and everything to make sure I'm comfortable and happy..." He takes a deep breath.

"I missed you, Y/n,"

You feel your heart break slightly upon hearing his words, a single tear slipping down your cheek. You move onto your tip toes, leaning up to kiss him in silent gratitude, his words meaning more to you than you could ever express.

But your lips never meet.

Instead you're met with the blinding light of the world exploding around you.

#loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki #laufeyson #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki oneshot #marvel #avengers #mcu

[satoru-is-the-way]

A/n: Here is the second prompt!

Tags: @shoxji @tian-monique @omgsuperstarg @angel-bi666

{IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED IN FUTURE NAMOR/TENOCH FICS LET ME KNOW PLUS IF YOU DO OR DONT WANT TO BE TAGGED IN SMUT. MUST BE OVER 18+ FOR THOSE ANYWAYS.}

Summary: Reader and Tenoch use to be married but got divorced. Years later they are working together during Wakanda Forever.

Warnings: Angst, Divorce, Arguments, Cussing, and panic attack(?)

You sat down with her co-star Letitia and Tenoch for their interview with Mitú. It had been a rough year of filming when your ex-husband plays your character's love interest.

It all started in 2007 you landed a small role in Déficit. You filmed with Tenoch Huerta Mejía for several months. By the end of the movie, it surprised no that you two had begun dating. In less than a year he proposed to you. You became (Y/n) (M/n) Mejía. However, the downfall came 11 years later. Your character had been in the MCU since Avengers in 2012. Currently, you where busy filming Infinity War and then Endgame back to back. While Tenoch is busy with Narcos: Mexico.

The distance and time apart seemed to have done it in with Tenoch. He approached you about divorce. It broke your heart but with a strong face, you agreed. Everyone was shocked to hear the long-time Hollywood couple divorced. You barely spoke with Tenoch for two long year's. The only communication had been about your children. You weren't surprised when Ryan Coogler contacted you for a role in Black Panther Wakanda Forever. (C/n) had close ties with Wakanda also being from a powerful nation that hid from the world.

He explained how your character tied into the plot and would finally have a love interest, that being Namor. You agreed without hesitation on accepting the role, and plus you had a 3 movies in the contract.

You were shocked, to say the least when you walked into the conference room to see Tenoch as Namor. From then it has become awkward on set. You two acted professionally despite everyone could see the struggle. You held feelings for Tenoch. Being with someone for 11 years affected you. Having children with this man. Crying together, laughing, family vacations, and several movies, and tv shows together. How could that go away?

When the kissing scene was filmed it took you a good two weeks to speak with Tenoch out of character. You avoided everyone and stayed in your trailer. Letitia, Lupita, Winston, Mabel, Alex, just everyone tried to speak with you but respected your request to not. Even Ryan asked if you were alright. It was obvious to everyone how you and Tenoch were still in love. The emotions flowed during the scene between (C/n) and Namor.

Today was one of your first interviews without all the cast together. You had agreed to be with Letitia and Tenoch since your character had a lot of screen time and was a fan favorite.

The female explained you all would be trying Pre-Hispanic food. The first one brought out was Chapulines. You began digging in as she started asking question. You laughed as Tenoch dropped some. "Someones hungry!" Letitia comments.

"Ah. Es por toda tu cara! (it's all over your face!)" You comment laughing as well. Your eyes meet his chocolate brown ones. The questions start out simple: How you felt about returning, your characters developed, and the short bits of romance shown in the trailer between you and Namor. You answer and listened when Jessica asked Letitia and Tenoch questions.

Finally, it came back to you. "How does it feel working alongside your ex-husband? Did you find it hard to put emotions into the character since Namor is her love interest? Everyone remembers it as a nasty divorce." Her question seemed innocent. You honestly did not know how they could approve such a thing. Tenoch looked down for a moment clearing his.

"That's not really anyone's business." He answered quickly the nice man turned serious. It bothered him more she asked such a thing.

Letitia looked concerned as she noticed your eyes became watery. "Maybe we should move on to the next dish?" She comments worried about your reaction.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?! Who in the actual hell approved this shit? We are done here." You stood up abruptly leaving the interviewer in shock as well as the remaining crew members. You jerked the mic off throwing it onto the table.

"(Y/n) please wait!" Tenoch grabbed your hand.

"DON'T!" You replied tears running down your cheeks as you stormed out. Your vision became blurry and the world became silent. You couldn't hear anything.

You knew your whole career is ruined. The professionalism with the question. Might as well not even show up to the premiere. Kevin Feige would have words with you. Your whole life is done from the fan would also turn on you. All this ran through your mind as you left the building gasping for air. Everything has come crashing down over a fucking question.

You started walking down the streets of LA. Soon you absorbed the sounds of the city and busy traffic You felt your phone buzzing now. Tenoch had called you 15 times already you answer, "I am at the coffee shop nearby." You say before sending him your location and hanging up.

You took a deep breath once watching Tenoch rushing down the sidewalk and into the Cafe. He sighed deeply and sat down looking up into your eyes. "Please never do that. I called you I don't know how many times. Talk to me."

"It's not like you are unaware of how people look at us."

Tenoch gently brushed your hand, "I know but I don't care about everyone else! I care about you." He whispered. "It's just I get scared. I got scared being so far away. I thought maybe you didn't love me. So I pushed you away. It was a mistake I regret ever since that day. I want to love you. I-I do...I love you." He admits

"In every universe?" You asked.

That same grin you love graced his face exposing his dimples. "Yes Doctor Strange." He chuckled. "In every universe."

"I'm on the chopping block now."

"If they fire you then I will leave too, mi amor."

"No. I won't allow it." You pulled him into a deep kiss. Tenoch responded eagerly pulling your hair softly wanting you to be close despite the damn table in the way.

"Better stop before I cant..." He whispered.

"Same here."

"Let's go back ok?" He asked and you nod walking out hand in hand.

#mcu namor #namor #namor imagine #namor x reader #namor x you #marvel #tenoch huerta x reader #tenoch huerta

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Age of Khonshu, or as I like to call it: Oh no. Oh no no no no.

Age of Khonshu, written by Jason Aaron. 2018.

Who is Jason Aaron? A big writer at Marvel, he is best known for PunisherMAX (the ultras violent and non-marvel universe version of the Punisher), some runs of Thor (the one where Jane Foster becomes Thor), and certain runs with Wolverine: Weapon X. He also wrote Southern Bastard, which is a big name over in Image comics.

Another important fact? He was raised Southern Baptist that has since become an atheist.

That history out of the way, let's look at the sort of comic this is.

I have been putting off reading this little doozy for YEARS. Why? Three reasons.

This was not a good year for me personally. In fact, this was the start of some REALLY bad years to follow for the next 4 years.

I missed the original release and when I tried to find it to read it, no one had it. Not even the library. (This should have been my first clue).

This is a Marvel tie in event.

Now, I have ranted about these before and I'm going to rant about it again.

What is a tie in event? It's a big Marvel World event that attempts to do a large story-line that involves a lot of other big names (usually the avengers).

In Events, you have the main story line that involves the main character. So say, DareDevil is fighting a super ninja. You have the main story that takes place in DareDevil's comic "DareDevil vs. the super ninja" and in that comic, it's such a big fight that the avengers have to get involved, and maybe Dr. Strange and perhaps Brother Voodoo is getting a movie next spring so they want to showcase Brother Voodoo working with familiar faces so he's involved now too.

BUT. All these people involved also have their own comics running. They don't just want to keep going and ignore this big ninja fight that's happening. So then we have side event tie ins that pause their normal story-line to respond in some way to the event that is happening.

So Let's say Ms. Marvel has her story line going where she's been fighting some evil mob boss. She's suddenly going to pause that story. She'll suddenly come up on a hole hoard of evil ninjas and have to fight them for a single issue. But they don't want to loose steam with her evil mob boss because they have to get back to that in the next issue! So it turns out her evil mob boss HIRED those ninjas in some sort of attempted partnership with the evil super ninja. Just to highlight how evil the mob boss is!

Oh, and if you haven't been reading DareDevil or the Avengers or ALL THE OTHER COMICS INVOLED good luck trying to keep up with what's going on. So by the end of the event, you have to compile a LOT of comics together in a particular order so that you can fully understand what's going on.

Even worse? Sometimes the responding tie in comics that aren't really involved with the main story line try to solve the issue. So, going back to my example, Ms. Marvel not only defeats the ninja gang, but she discovers something amazing that will in the end help defeat the Super Ninja! She has single handedly helped bring it down! …In her own comic. It makes her look like the big hero and like she was crucial to the event….When in truth, she has nothing to do withthe main story line over in DD world and her little discovery won't have anything to do at all with how to bring down the Super Ninja in the end.

With me so far?!

If this sounds familiar to you, then congratulations, you may have read "Moon Knight Shadowland", which was infinately better than the main story line of Dare Devil Shadowland. (I'm still bitter about that one). Or the original Civil War saga. Or Seige. Or Dark Reign. Or Age of Khonshu.

Today, I'm here to talk about Age of Khonshu.

In which Moon Knight gets his own special event under an Avenger's title.

So how did they compile this event under an Avenger's title? We start with something that makes no sense to someone that has not been following the Avenger's comics.

Stepping further into it? This event follows directly after the 2017 BEMIS run. So we are moving from the worst run in MK history into Aaron's Age of Khonshu. The next comic after this didn't come out till 2021! That's a three year gap!

What's the story?

Mephisto (I hate Mephisto. He has been made basically into Marvel's version of the Christian Devil.) is messing with the time line and is going back in time to amass soul contracts with people and is slowly taking over the world or destroying it or building up hell. It isn't ever properly explained, but most evil things like this usually aren't.

For some reason Khonshu has seen the future of a world where Mephisto has destroyed it and done terrible things. So he puts these images into Marc's head. Marc, thinking Khonshu is out to fuck with him again (when isn't he?) tracks down Khonshu in one of his Moon Cult temples.

Khonshu tells Marc that he's terrified of Mephisto and Marc realizes that Khonshu isn't just fucking with him this time.

So he teams up and decides to…STEAL ALL THE POWERS OF THE AVENGERS AND GIVE THEM TO KHONSHU.

That's right. As someone told me, it's like watching a ten year old talking about how their character is the most powerful and can beat up all the other characters.

Moon Knight beats up Dr. Strange with the power of Khonshu and steals his magic. Then he beats up Danny and steals the Iron fist. Then steals the GHOST RIDER'S fire of vengeance. He goes after Thor on the MOON. Turns out Thor's hamer is made out of moon rock so Moon Knight laughs as he steals the hammer because he has the power of moon. He goes after the Black Panter and T'challa is just like "LOL No. My power comes from my ancestors. You can't steal that."

So they lock up T'challa in a pyramid.

YOU KNOW WHAT MARVEL MOVIE WAS COMING OUT IN 2018?! That's right, the first Black Panther movie.

So in this comic, it's going to feature heavily that Black Panther is super powerful and the hero of the story.

Giving Khonshu all these powers, he remakes New York into Khonshu World and imprisons anyone that fails to worship him, because he's an all powerful god that will stop Mephisto.

And he does fight Mephisto and kill him, but there are so many versions of him now, because he's the devil and you can't kill the devil.

And throughout this, Moon Knight worships and prays to Khonshu, calling him his god and how he's a follower, and believes that Khonshu is a powerful god.

The Avengers keep asking him to stop, that he's off his meds or something and mentally ill and they can help him stop Mephisto if he stops Khonshu.

Eventually Moon Knight realizes that Khonshu can't stop Mephisto and he's gone too far.

He prays to a different god and THE PHOENIX fire shows up and he becomes Moon Knight Phoenix.

He betrays Khonshu because now he is his own god I guess? Helping them take Khonshu down, he gives back all their powers and they lock Khonshu away in Asgard.

Now he expells the Phoenix from his own self before he becomes Dark Moon Knight and destroys the world.

Now the Avengers story moves on to them dealing with Mephisto in a later run, but Khonshu is defeated and that's the important part!

T'challa offers Moon Knight a place in the Avengers, rather than a jail cell in Wakanda for his crimes. Moon Knight turns him down and returns to a small part in Manhattan that he'd rather protect.

And that's how it ends.

Aside from the main story aspect of this particular volume of MK avengers, here are the MAJOR problems:

Throughout the entire run, there is HEAVY christian imagery and language.

They talk about the devil and how scary the devil is. They talk about Hell. They talk about angels. They talk about gods.

They especially show Moon Knight worshiping and PRAYING to Khonshu or Phoenix.

Moon Knight himself discusses fighting the Devil and going to Hell as a construct of the horrors he has seen and done.

2. Throughout the run, Aaron tries to pull out bits from Lemire. Referencing him and doing callbacks. It falls SO flat.

There is a scene early on where he does the "I am Marc Spector. I am Steven Grant. I am Jake Lockley. And we are Moon Knight" bit. But it's followed by a prayer to Khonshu because he is the Moon God's accolyte.

Later he talks about how Marc expelled Khonshu from his mind and had healed and was his own man again. He talks about how Khonshu had put horrors in his mind that made him ill.

He then talks about how he frequents a certain mental hospital.

Not only is he referencing Lemire, but he's taking it in the wrong context. This man read it and went "Yeah sure I got it" when he clearly didn't.

In Lemire's run, we see Marc dealing not just with how KHonshu used and abused him and how messed up he was, but we also see him coming to terms with his own mental illness and trying to understand himself. To understand that he himself had been abusive towards himself. His self harm attributes. His pushing people away. We see him learn to embrace the 'what if' aspect of after mental illness. We see doubt and we see room to heal.

In this it's just "Khonshu did it."

3. We're back to the mental health topic. While they DO acknowledge Steven and Jake twice, offhandedly, we don't see them. It's just MARC. And I find it hard to believe that either of them would either let Marc go this far off the rails to hurting his friends, but that they would go along with it without having a discussion or working as a team if they found it to be the only solution.

They also have NUMEROUS remarks from the others about "We all know Moon Knight is crazy but I didn't think he was this crazy". It carries on the old conversations that everyone in the Avengers and so on all see Moon Knight as mentaly unwell. Unfit. Crippled, even. He's not well enough to do things. He pretends to be a hero but we all know he's likely to melt down any minute and do something crazy, attitude.

And repeatedly he's told to take meds, go to the hospital, check himself in… Even T'Challa tells him "Wakanda has made great strides in Mental Health. We can cure you!"

Cure him from what? Trauma? Take away his DID? Or implying that he's some sort of other unwell causing him to not think straight?

It's these three things combined that just really set me off.

The absolutely disgusting use of Christian vocabulary and idealism to portray a Jewish character. Even if Marc isn't observant of Jewish beliefs, he is culturally Jewish and raised by a Rabbi. Unless he blatantly converted, he would not find himself worshiping and praying to another god. He wouldn't believe in the devil or use such language to describe Mephisto. He wouldn't talk about Angelic idealations or even Hell.

Then the blatant use of his mental illness to further how it's easy for Moon Knight to fall into such ways. Of course he did this. He's crazy. He'll do anything!

Of course he made his god Khonshu into an over powered dick.

I've discussed this before with a good friend, but there is a difference between following Khonshu and worshiping Khonshu.

I love the use of Yehya Badr to show this in MacKay's run. One has converted and religiously believes and follows Khonshu. The other follows a path that he himself set down as a result of his experiences and own needs.

Moon Knight never outright worships Khonshu (when properly written). Even in Moench's old run, he believed that he had been resurrected by Khonshu and therefore his power and life was in Khonshu's hands. This was more following Marc's thinking that he himself was nothing more than a ghost. Without Khonshu, it was more of an existential dread that he was nothing. Not that Khonshu was a god figure.

In later runs this translated into a sort of worship and it never should have. In Moench's run, Khonshu was some unknown force. Perhaps a god, perhaps a spirit, perhaps some form of something ancient that represents the moon and protecting those who travel by night. Considering the Marvel universe and such loose terms of applying all powerful beings under the phrase of 'god', it makes sense. Thor is technically a god. But he is not a god to be worshiped.

Moon Knight takes his own Jewish upbringing. He is here to cherish all life. To protect those who fall into the margins and cry for help.

What's most insulting is that this comic directly followed the run by Bemis. The one that was so laced with antisemitism and blatant disregard for mental health topics.... So we jump from blood libel and Nazism into fighting the actual Devil and praying to gods and worship.

This is not a good look, Marvel.

Here's the thing, we need a Jewish writer.

I don't mean someone that was formerly Jewish that converted to some other following. I don't mean an atheist that has a special interest in other religions (as Aaron claims he is). We need a born and raised practicing Jewish writer.

We need someone to use the proper terminology that isn't Christian based. We need Jake to speak more Yiddish. We need Steven to be seen putting money into the Tzedakah box. We need Marc to discuss his conflict with his Orthodox Rabbi father and his current path in life and how, like it or not, he has become the epitome of the Jewish struggle to exist.

I appreciate Mr. MacKay, but when his run is done and Marvel looks for the next Moon Knight writer, I'd really like to see a Jewish voice step in and not only respect their own people (despite what Marvel may tell them to do) but to also continue to represent and respect the mental health aspect of Moon Knight.

Maybe I'm asking too much? But this issue...

TLDR: Do not read Bendis, Bemis, and Aaron when it comes to Moon Knight.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight Comics #I'm so angry you guys #Is it too much to ask that someone do a little research before taking on a comic title? #Tell your story Marvel but fucking tell it respectfully #What the hell was the editor doing? #growling and snarling #Moon Knight is Jewish

[hollandsfavbabe]

Where Do We Go Now

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

synopsis: in which the death of y/n's father leaves her determined to bring him back and her boyfriend peter determined to save her

warnings: endgame aftermath, death, parental loss, isolation, suicide attempt (but magical?), it gets better - I promise

word count: 7.1k

masterlist

a/n: Hey guys. This is going to be a bit longer than my usual notes, but I feel like I should explain why I've been gone for so long and why this story is a lot sadder than my usual ones. My community has been riddled with tragedy recently as we've lost a lot of people to suicide this past year, some of which have been as young as middle school age. One of my friends died by suicide a couple months ago. I can't express to you guys how hard it's been trying to deal with the pain and the guilt his death has caused me and my loved ones. So many days have passed where I wish I could've been a better friend for him while he was here. It hurts more knowing that other people are hurting too. Writing this was the best way for me to cope for many reasons. I wanted to write about how I'm feeling and honor my friend in some way even if it's through a silly little fanfiction. I know I'm late, but I also wanted to honor one of my favorite characters, Tony Stark as he canonically died this past October. That being said, if you are struggling please, I implore you, talk to someone. There are so many people on this planet who would be so torn without you. My dms are always a safe space if you need anything at all <3

Also I'd like to thank Gracie Abrams for her music that I had on repeat the entire time I was writing this. I hope you like it!

“I am Iron Man.”

The words replayed in your head, over and over like a broken record with no one to turn it to a new tune. That’s exactly how you felt. So alone in your grief that even if miraculously every wish you'd ever made in the whole of your existence had been granted, it still wouldn’t be enough to make you happy again. To make you feel anything besides the constant regret and incessant grief that anchored you down as you wasted away in your bed.

It had been exactly a week since the passing of the great Tony Stark. Everyone else in the compound had mourned their coworker, riddled by a somewhat lesser version of your sadness for only a few days after his death. It’s not as if their grief had been washed away as if it never stained their cheeks with tears or weighed down their hearts with sorrow, but it eased much quicker than yours and before long they could continue their duties. Everything was so much harder for you because Tony hadn’t just been a coworker. He was your father.

You relieved every memory you had of him like bittersweet torture. You remembered when he held you as a little girl, wiping up a bloodied knee. When he discovered you had powers and helped you control them. Later on when he banned you from joining in on the Avenger’s Civil War and afterwards when he thanked you for sneaking in to help anyway. You could almost feel his comforting embrace as if it was only yesterday that he was assuring you before a failed battle against the mad Titan Thanos, the same one that left you dusted and missing your father’s last five years on Earth. And finally, of course, you remember his last moments all too well. It played out before you like the tragic ending of a stage play. 

“Let me do it,” you shouted over the sound of war cries and carnage that surrounded you on the packed battlefield. “I can take it!”

You were almost certain that your power, your immeasurable magic, could handle the debilitating strength of the Infinity Stones making you the most reasonable choice for snapping Thanos and his army out of existence, but your father refused to risk losing his eldest.

“No,” he breathed, the metal plate shielding his chest rising and falling from the heat of the action. There was only one way to succeed, only one way to put a stop to the destruction of the universe. It had to be him. “I won’t risk losing you, not while you’re still so young. You have so much life ahead of you.”

“Not without you!” you cried, a tear streaming from your eye.

There wasn’t much time for your conversation as the world was moments away from being wiped of its human history, but despite the odds your father pulled you into a tight hug, as if he knew it would be the last. You both did.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever known and I’m so proud of what you’ve become already.” he smiled when you finally pulled apart.

“I need you dad,” you sobbed, still reluctant to let him leave you. With the threat of his death, suddenly Thanos’ defeat didn’t matter anymore. Not nearly as much as having your father by your side. “I’m not ready.”

Your dad looked down on you with the saddest of smiles, but if any part of him was upset about his decision, he made no other hint toward it. He just held you close for as long as possible and comforted you in the way that you could always count on him for. In the way, it hit you, that you could never count on him for again. But yet, in the face of death, he cradled you close and spoke in his signature fatherly tone: assertive yet on the edge of softness.

“No one’s ever ready -,” he answered truthfully. “- but I know you can handle it. You always do.”

You looked up at him as he finally pulled away and headed towards the purple giant, but not before turning to you for one final declaration.

“I love you, junior, to the edge and back again.”

And then he was gone. You never got the chance to say it back.

Yours was the last name he uttered before his heart stopped beating and the light on his suit went out. By then Pepper had already said her goodbyes and you both were huddled close to his body, weeping as the other Avengers knelt around you in honor of your father. Peter was hunched behind you, one hand on your shoulder while the other worked to wipe away his own tears. Oh Peter, you had your father to thank for him.

It was Tony who was credited with setting you up with your long term boyfriend, Peter Parker, even if it was a complete accident. You two had gotten acquainted on a fateful plane ride to Germany and eventually ended up together after many failed attempts at confessing your feelings. There was something about him that had you smitten with him from your first encounter, your liking only strengthened when you learned that your father approved. He’d been with you through thick and thin and even now, Peter was the only person who could even remotely share your pain besides Pepper. Tony was like his father too.

He’d taken care of you ever since the incident. Brought you food and water, helped you dress in your black attire for the funeral, laid with you in your bed each night to calm you whenever you awoke in a nightmarish terror. He showed his love for you prevailing over his grief in the most selfless of ways and yet all you had managed to do since you father’s funeral was stand to use the restroom every once in a while. It piled on more weight that your poor soul could already take. You were nothing, but a miserable burden now.

The door to your room opened with squealing hinges as Peter stepped in, returning from school where he had spent the morning reuniting with your shared friends and finding out when the official return date was. You were supposed to join him, but instead you hadn’t moved an inch since he left. It wasn’t as if you wanted to waste the entire day in your lonely sheets again. You yearned for everything to go back to how it was; when Peter was happy and you could share it with him. When your father used to smile upon the two teens he didn’t mean to bring together. When your father was alive.

“Hey,” he said, softly as if not to startle you from your endless torturous pondering. He set something down on your dresser, a small stack of papers he must have gathered from the school, and removed his fall coat before sauntering over to you. The bed creaked and shifted under his weight as he took a seat next to you. “Good news, we don’t have to go back until the next semester so we get a break until January. Ned was asking about you. He wants to know how you’re doing.”

You turned your head to look at him, your eyes red-rimmed from all of your crying and your lips cracked and dry.

“What did you tell him?” you croaked, your voice hoarse from under use. There was little to talk about and no one else to talk to whenever Peter wasn’t around. Pepper had visited you once, but with Morgan to look after, she couldn’t spare much time for her late husband’s grieving daughter. You’d seen Happy a couple times as well, but he needed his own time to recover and reflect on his past time with his best friend.

Peter was gentle as he tucked some of the hair strands snot cemented to your jaw behind your ear and cupped your cheek in his palm. He was cold from the autumn chill outside, but his hand ignited the same soothing heat that his touch always brought forth.

“I said you were recovering,” he answered truthfully. “And that it’s different for everyone. And no matter how long it takes, I’m here for you every step of the way.”

The ghost of a smile graced your lips and had it not felt like it stopped beating after losing your father, your heart may have fluttered in its cavity in your chest.

“Thanks Peter,” you curled closer to him in the most sincere of ways. “But I’m afraid it’s going to be a while before I can get up to see Ned again. Give him my best.”

“Take your time. I’m sure he understands.” Peter assured before pulling off his flannel and laying down beside you to wrap you in his arms, allowing you to tuck your face in his chest. As unhappy as you were, all the swirling emotions of suffering were always suppressed by the sound of Peter’s heart and the feel of his body around yours. You stayed like that for a while, holding each other before Peter broke the silence as it neared time for your midday meal.

“I think you should come with me today,” Peter suggested, rising to run his daily lunch retrieval before running a loving hand through your hair. You couldn’t understand how he hadn’t gotten sick of you yet. You hadn’t been able to wash in over a week. “It’s not good for you to stay here all day long. You need to start moving.”

His voice was full of worry, though he wasn’t overbearing. He wanted the best for you, it’s all he ever wanted really.

“I don’t know Peter, I don’t think I can.” you sighed as tears started to fill your eyes again. How could anyone stand to be around you when you were being so pathetic. You wished there was a way to erase your pain, anything to bring you to your normal self again.

“It's okay baby,” Peter hugged you into a tight embrace, kissing your tears as they fell in slow salty streams. “I know it hurts, I feel it too. But I read somewhere that the best thing to do is keep a consistent routine. Maybe you should start today. Come get lunch with me.”

You wanted to agree, but there was no part of you that could move from the weight of your grief. It pressed you down, gravity multiplied by the mass of your sadness as it consumed you. It felt as if only a miracle could save you now.

“I’m so sorry.” you stated with remorse, but Peter made no move to share his disappointment if he had any at all. Instead he leaned down from his seated position and placed his lips on your forehead, a gesture as if to say that all was alright.

“Please don’t cry, y/n. It’s okay.” he assured you before standing to leave and get you something that you figured you probably wouldn’t even eat very much of.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, turning the handle of your door to leave before looking back at you sprawled on your bed. Suddenly, as if he had recalled the cure to the rainiest of days, he expression shifted to one of great excitement as he stopped back into your room.

“I almost forgot,” he began. “Doctor Strange was here earlier. He wanted me to tell you he’s offering some meditation sessions for you if you’re interested. He said they’d be good for your powers and that they might help you feel better if you want to think about it. He’s free at 8 tomorrow.”

You nearly perked up at the sound of the man’s name, picking up your head to cast a last longing glance at Peter as he waited for a parting word.

“Thanks,” you managed. “I’ll let you know.”

And off Peter went to get you both something to eat.

You weren’t sure if he knew how dangerous it was for you to be left with your thoughts, how the mention of the magic doctor sprouted a myriad of mystical ideas all aimed at the same goal that would erase your eternal lonesome aching. How to bring your father back. By the time Peter returned with his hands full of two homemade sandwiches and more sweets than the two of you could ever finish in one sitting, your mind had been made up and you were ready to set the plan in motion.

The following evening was your first time out of the confines of your rooms for days. Peter had helped you greatly with all the tasks you did not have the mental power to do all on your own. He had brushed your hair and made your bed and before you left in one of the less expensive cars held on Avenger’s campus, he sent you off adorned with one of his favorite sweatshirts, a peck on the forehead and enough I love you’s to last more than a lifetime.

You pulled the sleeve of Peter’s sweatshirt over your palm as you drove off, using the cloth to wipe away fresh tears that had fallen after you left your boyfriend’s loving gaze. You’d always been an overthinker, but your bad habits crept up on you worse in your unbreakable stage of sadness. Especially in your father’s favorite car.

You didn’t understand why he hadn’t left you already. Maybe he would. Peter had offered to join you at Strange’s, but after you insisted you had to go alone, he made plans to go help his Aunt May figure out their apartment situation as the pair had been inadvertently kicked out after being gone for so many years. You’d almost forgotten he used to split his nights between the compound and his own bedroom. Recently he’d only stay with you.

He promised to be back before dinner so that the two of you could keep up your progress, but an unsolicited voice within you convinced you that he wouldn’t want to return. You weren’t good enough for him anymore, not like you used to be. Your plan was better for the both of you and as you pulled up to the familiar building on Bleecker Street, all the pieces started to fall into place.

You stepped up to the door, raising your fist to knock only for the door to crack open by itself as if to invite you in. You waited for the familiar sternness of Doctor Strange’s voice to greet you once you were past the stone floored foyer, but only wisps of the autumn breeze caught your ear. 

“Strange?” you called, your voice still not stable enough to be louder than a whispery dialogue. You were met with no response. It was just like you had planned. The wizard wasn’t home.

You felt a strong tug towards the room of your desires, the forbidden library. It was as if fate was leading you or some other force from above, another sign that you were meant to do it.

Your steps were more sure than they had been in days as you made your way to the self, passing any magical fire walls with the sheer unfiltered strength of your powers. Strange once told you that they were guided by your emotion, the quintessential essence of every magic holder even to people like you and Wanda Maximoff who were outside of his world protecting wizard cult. It was easier than it should have been, like slicing paper with a katana, you broke each enchantment until all that was left was the cool leather cover of the book you were looking for. The book with every answer you needed inside its ancient yellowing pages, but you only needed the spell that would revive your father. Locating it near the middle of the book, your tore out the page and turned back to your car, leaving the Sanctum with the same unhurried pace you had entered it with. There was no stopping you now.

Peter was only an half an hour late for your agreed meet up time when he arrived at the campus. He expected you’d be in your room as per usual and as he made his way to your door, the excitement of getting to hold you and talk about your first day out of the campus since the funeral built up in his chest. He wasn’t sure if any accomplishment in the world could make him as proud as he was of you. With two brown paper bags of groceries in his hand, he couldn’t wait to shower you in the affection that you deserved with all of your favorite snacks, enough to share of course.

“Y/n,” he smiled, using his webbing to open your door handle only to find, much to his disappointment, that you were nowhere to be found.

He checked all over campus, leaving the bags by your bed. No one had seen you since you’d left and the spot where the car you’d taken was still empty, the normally pristine concrete covered in fallen crisp maroon leaves. It didn’t make any sense. Where could you possibly have gone?

“Y/n!” he called, circling the perimeter of the campus looking for you. There was still no sign of your reappearance. “Y/n- oh. Hi Ms. Maximoff.” Peter forced a strained smile as he nearly bumped into the woman.

“Peter, we’ve been over this,” Wanda answered, her voice calm. “You can call me Wanda.”

Like you, the witch hadn’t been doing the best in recent days as she had lost something just as valuable as a father: her partner. While she occasionally had days where the ground would’ve been lucky to feel the grace of her step, her superhero duties had kept her from spending each day hidden from society. She had a different way of coping, but like others, she seemed to start getting back into routine again.

“Right, sorry Wanda.” Peter apologized.

“What are you doing out here?” inquired the witch in her native Sokovian accent, always intuitive. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s y/n. I can’t find her anywhere and we agreed to meet back here nearly - an hour ago!” Peter pulled up his coat sleeve to check the time on his watch, the face of which bore a picture of him and your father from only a few months before the snap. It had been a birthday gift, one of his favorites in fact, though it couldn't top what you had given him the same year: a lego set and your first kiss.

“I didn’t know that she got out of bed. That’s a big step!” 

“Yes it is and we were going to celebrate tonight, but she hasn’t come back yet which is really not like her.” worried Peter.

“Where did she go?”

“Strange’s. He was going to give her a meditation lesson for her powers.”

Confused, Wanda's eyebrow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t she know how to use them already?”

“Yes, but he thought it would help her manage her grief. Working out is a pretty common method, but she hates going to the gym so he figured some meditation would be better for her and -“

“Wait, hold on. Did she go to him this morning?”

“Yes and she was supposed to be back around noon, but it’s nearly six and she’s still gone.” Peter explained.

“Peter!” Wanda chided. She couldn't believe he could make such a grave mistake.

“What?”

“Strange hasn’t been at the Sanctum all day!”

“What?! Where is he?”

“Do I look like a wizard to you?" the witch gestured to her casual leggings and cardigan pairing that drastically differed from Strange's usual eccentric costumes. "How should I know?”

As if summoned by the topic of conversation, a figure appeared in the distant grass, hovering over the blades until he was close enough to be able to walk. His cape that flowed in the breeze like a blood red stream with a mind of its own was a dead give away. Doctor Strange had indeed arrived in the flesh.

“Parker,” he greeted, though he did not smile. “Is Ms. Stark ready for our lesson?”

Peter’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake.

“Oh no.” he muttered, shaking his head in defeat. He was met with confusion from the wizard.

“No?” Strange repeated. “We agreed upon 8 didn't we? I know I'm a little early, but I assumed she wouldn't be busy. Didn’t you let her know I was coming?”

“Yes,” Peter confirmed. “I told her to be ready and then I sent her off to your place at 8… am.”

“What?!” Strange exclaimed as he summoned a portal to appear leading directly to his found home on Bleecker Street. He stepped through the fiery ring, a silent invitation for the others to follow as he hurried passed your car, up the steps, and into the door which did not part of him the same way it had earlier. Inside he was met with the most frightful of discovers accompanied by the looming feeling of doom as the situation became clear.

The Sanctum, unguarded with his absence, lay littered with books that had fallen from their homes on his shelf’s yet one stood out from all the others. It laid on the floor open with its pages to the ground while every other book was shut. Levitating it with the simple flick of his wrist, a horrifying sight awaited Strange as he turned it over. One of the pages in the sacred book was missing.

“Do you know how serious this is?!” Strange exclaimed and although Peter at first took it as a barbed criticism aimed directly at him, he was able to distinguish Strange’s tone from when he was reprimanding. This was a separate kind of worry, the sort of tone that he had used heavily on the fated spaceship you three had been stuck in until you landed on Titan, Thanos’ home world, nearly five years ago. Treachery was afoot and if your powers were involved, the whole fabric of your current reality could change.

“Which one did she take?” Wanda pointed to the book, clearly noticing the giant tear in its center.

Strange’s voice answered, heavy with concern. “The revival spell.”

“You don’t think she knows, do you? She can’t possibly know how to conjure it.” asked Wanda, the same concern for their future written all over her face.

“That’s exactly what I think.” Strange confirmed.

“What?” Peter asked. “What are you guys talking about?”

“There are many types of magic, Parker, and the Sanctum, the building where you sent your girlfriend, is full of all of them, good and bad alike. Every spell comes with a price, the bigger the spell, the bigger the price and the spell she took comes with one of the biggest prices there is to pay.”

“Think about it, Peter,” Wanda paled. “What does y/n want most in the world right now?”

It hit Peter harder than fresh fallen hail. You were going to try to bring your father back.

“We have to find her. Now.”

Strange tried to use his sling ring to appear wherever you were, but in your grief, the extent of your powers had grown massively. Intentionally or not, you managed to prevent even the most powerful of wizards from using his Sling Ring to access your location.

“She's blocked me out.” Strange frowned. “We’re going to have to track her on foot.”

“She can’t be far,” Peter agreed. “She always takes the shortest path whenever she wants something.” It was one of the many things he loved about you: your ability to turn any taxing task into something much simpler. You were one of the cleverest people he knew. He just hoped it didn’t work in your favor this time.

It was Wanda who had the idea of tracking your magic. She led them to the nearest withering woodland area, where trees with bare branches and dying leaves sprawled endlessly. It was the perfect place to perform dark magic, away from the unyielding eyes of society. The trio didn’t hesitate to run in.

The further they got, the closer you felt especially to Peter despite the fact that he was the only one without his own source of magic. If he lost you tonight, he feared he’d never feel any sort of magic ever again.

They were only half an acre in when Wanda and Strange called out in anguish, the witch falling to her knees while Strange stayed standing, pounding the air with his fist as his trying to break through an invisible barrier though it was to no avail. Whatever was holding him back, it wasn’t fading anytime soon.

“Keep going, Parker!” he shouted, urging Peter forward. “You’re the only one who can stop her. The spell will only allow that which she loves.”

“How do I do it?” Peter shouted. “How do I stop the spell?”

“The page,” Wanda replied, quicker than Strange could as his reply was easy for her to access. “You have to tear it apart.”

Without wasting a second more, Peter sprung back towards where he could feel you, running without fatigue as his superhuman endurance supplied him with plenty of energy.

It was only a minute later that he caught his first sign of you. There was a break in the tree line out of which a bright amber glow poured like an incandescent warning. It was a dramatic contrast from the normal comforting emerald greens of your magic, but it was you nonetheless and Peter didn’t stop until he was so close he had to shade his eyes from the light.

If it weren’t for the dark nature of what you were doing, Peter would’ve considered it one of the most beautiful events he’d ever seen take place. He wasn’t sure if the circle of trees that surrounded you had been a natural formation or one you made for the sake of the spell, but he was sure the way they seemed to bend to your will, despite the hard wood of their birch trunks, had to be because of your power. In the center of it all was you and the page you had stolen atop a pile of purple and golden leaves. You stood before it, eyes closed as you whispered some sort of incantation. Your powers spread above you in orange flickering flames as you outstretched your arms and summoned what looked like the beginnings of a portal, though it was hard to peer through like a bride covered in a veil of night black.

Peter shouted your name, screaming for you to stop, but you didn’t so much as flinch as the portal grew. You couldn’t hear him over the force of your will. He could start to feel what Wanda and Strange were trapped behind. There was some sort of invisible wall that threatened to push him back from you, but he couldn’t be defeated. He had to stop you. Step by step, he got closer and closer to you, watching in horror as your body was lifted from the ground and floated in midair. A new energy started weeping through the fabric that covered your chest, soft and white like a sheer glittering fabric. It drifted towards the portal and as Peter neared you he could make out the outline of a face forming from it in the black center of it. It started to take shape, growing a neck and a body and becoming more concrete than a fragmented part of your energy. He became more unmistakable as the color grew back into his face. Tony Stark, in the flesh. Peter hurried towards the page.

You opened your eyes to gaze into the face of your father, tears flowing down your face partially from the exhaustion of bringing him back and from being able to see him again.

You tried to say something, tell him how much you had missed him, but you were left rendered without a voice. Your words came out as mouthed nonsense, though it seemed he had regained his voice.

“Y/n,” he uttered, though it seemed more like a warning than a greeting after being torn from you for so long.

You mouthed something you knew he’d understand. I love you too, dad.

Some other force called your name, but you ignored it. You couldn’t focus on anything else, but the father you had lost regaining life right in front of you. With every part that he gained, you felt a part of your fade. It wasn’t painful, more numbing than anything like the final dose to end all your sadness. You couldn’t help but relish in it. You were bringing back one of the greatest men to ever live.

You were so distracted, you missed the web that landed on the page below you and pulled it away.

“Y/n,” your dad said again, nearly having enough of one of his legs to step out of the portal when suddenly, the inky blackness swallowed him whole again and dissolved in the forest light, taking back the only thing you ever wanted.

“NO!” you cried as your voice returned to you and you fell back down to the dry grass and dead leaves, crumpled on the forest floor as all of the magic you had summoned faded away save for the glittering cloud that returned to your chest with such force it made you cough. You had failed.

“Y/n!” someone called and you shuddered away from their hand on your shoulder as loud sobs erupted from you. 

“Leave me!” you begged. “Just leave!” Peter refused to leave your side, tossing behind him the page he had shredded into tiny scraps of paper as he knelt beside you, careful not to touch you again. “Why did you have to do that? Why did you take him from me?”

“You were going to die! I couldn’t let you di-“

“I WANTED TO DIE!”

Peter froze as you whimpered, the truth spreading above the both of you in the cold air like storm clouds as you cried to him.

“I want him back. Everyone wants him back. No one cares about his depressed daughter and I don’t want to hurt anymore, Peter.” you paused to take a deep breath. “It- it hurts so much.” you could barely get the words out as you were choked by your sobs. “It hurts knowing I could’ve saved him. It hurts knowing it should’ve been me that snapped those stupid stones. And I don’t want to live with that anymore. I had to try to bring him back for the world. It needs him more than it needs me.”

You brought a hand to your face, wiping away some of your tears, though it was no use as more came pouring out.

“I need you.” uttered Peter, looking into your glossy eyes. The sight of your tears and the echo of your screams couldn’t deter him from you. You can’t be repelled from the ones that you love.

“But you miss him, don’t you,” you argued as hot tears coated your face. “You want him back too.”

Peter nodded in agreement.

“I think about him everyday. Our moments together. Like this one time he saved me from drowning in a lake. Or-“ Peter grinned. “- remember when he caught us making out that one time before we told him we were together. He was so mad.” Peter smiled to himself, looking fondly on the memory until he began again.

“I miss him so much and it makes me so sad that I'll never see him again. But I wouldn’t trade you for him. I wouldn't trade you for anyone. You’re worth more to me than anyone else in the universe.”

Your sobs slowed yet the tears did not cease as they still cascaded down your face.

“It hurts me so much.” you restated.

Peter opened his arms. “May I?” he asked. You nodded and before you knew it, you were engulfed by a warmth unlike any other as Peter hugged you tight enough to make sure you wouldn’t try to leave him again.

“I know you do,” he related. "And I wish I could take it away. I wish I could just bag all your pain and throw it all away. But it doesn't work like that. It's going to hurt. It's going to be painful, so much so that you won't move from bed for days and days. You haven't." 

"But I feel like everyone else has already moved on. Why can't I?" you shivered.

"No one else was as close to him as you. Everyone else lost a friend. You lost a father. There's a big difference. You can't expect yourself to move on from it. That's not healthy. It's just like I said, I'm here for you no matter how long it takes. You have to take your time with it, don’t rush the process." Peter pressed the lightest of kisses to one of your dampened cheeks.

"I just don't know what to do."

"Breathe."

As silly as it sounded in its simplicity you did as he instructed and inhaled deeply, allowing the air to coat your lungs that hadn’t been exposed to so much fresh air in a week. As you exhaled, you let out another sob in his arms, but somehow it felt better than all the others. You were not rid of your pain by any means and sadness still corroded your core, but for the first time in so long, you didn’t feel so hopeless. Peter placed another gentle kiss on your cheek, encouraging you as you took several more slow breaths and quiet cries until you found the strength to speak again.

“Was it like this for you when your parents died?” you wondered aloud as you pulled away from Peter to look into his chocolate brown eyes that you almost forgot you loved so much, yet not so far that he couldn't keep his arms around your frame that was still bearing his sweatshirt. You hadn’t spoken much about them before and while you weren’t sure where the question had arisen from, it felt like the right thing to ask.

“I was so young when they passed, sometimes I feel like they were never mine to begin with,” he admitted. “I took a couple days off school when it happened, but I don’t remember crying all that much. It’s tragic and sometimes it makes me sad that they’re gone, but I’m glad that it does. It’s a reminder that they were there for me in the first place, that I knew them enough to miss them. The grief is proof that I loved them while they were here.”

You were both silent for a moment as you thought about his words in relation to your situation. All your pain was put into perspective. Everything you had been through since he died, all the days you wasted away in bed, it was all the proof that you had loved him so much when he was alive and that you were still carrying the love you had left for him. You missed your father so much you were willing to die to get him back and for a moment, you almost did.

You parted from Peter’s arms to stand though you still grasped onto his hands as you weren’t strong enough to be upright on your own. You closed your eyes again and listened to the sound of the forest, the swaying of the leaves that still clung to their branches, the faint twittering of birds, and the calm of the sky that was oddly cloudless for autumn. The sound of your name falling from your father’s reformed lips was still faint in the air and for a moment you felt as though you were with him again.

You remembered when he taught you how to ride a bike one evening when you were only four. You remembered the day he pulled you from public school and started teaching you at home. You remembered the look of shock on his face when you showed him your powers for the first time and even more, you remember his pride when you completed your first mission with the Avengers (that he'd approved ahead of time to avoid any more Germany -like surprises). He wasn’t there, but at the same time he was everywhere. And you missed him, but at the same time the absence he left in your life felt less empty.

The tears came out in slow smooth streams, flowing down in slow trickles as you finally sat back down. You didn’t say anything and neither did Peter, but you knew he could feel what you felt. He could feel your father too and minutes slipped by as you sat and cried together.

There was a sudden rustling in the distance and soon enough, Doctor Strange and Wanda had arrived at the scene, no longer held back by invisible barriers. They rushed to you bringing flooding guilt through your system as you began to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m so sorry.”

Strange opened his mouth to speak, but he had nothing to say. You could tell by his expression that he was disappointed, but there was more to it. He had empathy.

It was Wanda that leaned down to place a friendly hand on your shoulder.

“Let’s get you home.”

The months following were some of the hardest of your life. Every battle you faced was uphill, but you no longer felt like you were fighting alone. You started going out again, first to visit Pepper and your half sister Morgan who lived in their cabin home. Peter joined you of course, but he played with Morgan for the most part while you and Pepper talked. You cried with her, but you laughed a lot too. She shared with you so many of her own memories, times when your father didn't know what to get you for your birthday, when he had managed to mess up cooking dinner in the strangest of ways, and when he’d accidentally burned your favorite stuffed animal in the drying machine all of which Pepper had to remedy. Though she hadn’t raised you, she was the mother you never had and through her stories you learned that your father had been just as good raising Morgan with her as he had been with you.

You hung out with Ned and MJ again shortly after that. While Peter had suggested a brief check-in at a cafe so you could go home quickly to rest, you surprised him with a much more time consuming idea: laser tag. The four of you had the best time targeting each other, you winning more rounds than any of the others. You ended the day with smoothies, talking as you drank and making plans for the next time you would all see each other. MJ made you promise you would text her if you ever needed anything and Ned gave you a whole plate of his Lola’s ensaymadas, your favorite dish of hers.

Finally, though he was locked up in his house and avoiding humanity, you visited Happy. Peter offered to join you like all the other times, but you assured him it would be best if he stayed home, promising you would return later. Happy was in a similar state of dismay to you when you saw him and while he was able to care for himself and continue with his personal routine, you could tell he was hurting.

You didn't say much when you first entered his apartment, but there was comfort within the silence. You sat with him on his sofa and watched whatever mind numbing program he had turned on to distract his thoughts until you had both worked up an appetite for lunch. It was there, in the middle of a random Burger King in Queens over a plate of cheeseburgers that you both broke down. You told him what you had nearly done, trusting him with the sensitive information as he was almost a second father to you. You took your time telling him the story of how you had nearly died to bring back your father.

Happy cried as you did and when you were finished, he told you how much you meant to him. He traded your story for one from your father after he returned from Afghanistan where he had famously been kidnapped.

"You could tell he was shaken," Happy began. "He told me he wasn't scared to die, but he was scared of losing time with you and leaving you alone. Pepper and I had been so busy trying to get him back, he was worried you had been neglected while he was gone. But when he came home and he saw your room clean, your toys put away, and a fridge full of leftovers from meals you prepared yourself, he was so proud. You inspired him to turn his life around. It was after that he told me that he knew you'd be okay if he was taken from us one day."

You both cried after that.

Long after you had finished your food, Happy drove you to the Parker's new apartment with the promise that he would be okay too, eventually. He also admitted that he was starting to develop quite the liking for your faithful boyfriend after hearing all that he had done for you, though he’d skin you alive if you ever told Peter.

It was that night in Peter's new bedroom that you knew you’d be okay. It still hurt to think of your father and you knew you’d never entirely recover and that the pain would never fully leave you, but there was a certain comfort in it now. You knew Peter felt it too as he snuggled half asleep into your side, his arm slung around your body in a protective manner, but also to keep from falling of the twin bed you shared as he let you sleep on the side with the wall. There were still days when you didn’t want to leave your bed, but there were also days when you felt more elated than ever. You could feel your father in those moments the most, like the shine of his smile took form in the light from the sun. You couldn’t see him nor could you speak with him, but you knew he wasn’t really gone. It was love that kept him around. And it was the love you carried for him that would suspend you for lifetimes, through light and dark until the end of time.

“I hope this grief stays with me because its all the unexpressed love” - Andrew Garfield 💙

#tom holland x you #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker #mental health #suicide awareness #avengers endgame #tony stark #stark!daughter #stark!reader #fem!reader #you are loved

[steveandbuckysdaughter]

Personal review regarding what if…? season 2 episode 8 (spoilers)

No ok, I must admit, the episode was good in some aspects.

Wanda was majestic. Loki and Scott were hilarious and I loved every single moment with them.

Thor was amazing, dark and serious out of loss but still enjoyable, and the crumbs of his relationship with Hela were very nice.

I’ve actually liked Tony for the very first time in my life, probably because I tend to like him a lot more in AUs and fanfictions than I do in the normal timeline.

And then… there were those two.

I will never comprehend why marvel wants Steve to be so dependent on Peggy. And I will never comprehend why, to make him interact with her, they have to destroy or sideline every other relationship he has built, or make his character flat.

Bucky being friends with Scott was amazing, but the fact that him and Steve interacted like two times was extremely disappointing. You’d expect “best friends in every universe”, if you dislike the romantic pairing so much, to acknowledge themselves for more than a few scenes, in only one of which they’re in frame together (Bucky was literally 😐 while his best friend disappeared, come on now).

And the storyline about Peggy coming from another world to save the universe was just… Mbah. It could’ve been executed in another way without including her and it still would have made sense. It really feels like a Y/N insert.

Seeing literally any other character was so good, so fun, and they had to ruin it this way, making Peggy once again the self insert and girlboss she didn’t need to be.

Plus, forgive my constant complaining, but it’s extremely infuriating how all of Steve’s friends were eliminated to put the focus solely on Peggy. Where’s Sam? Where’s Nat? Where’s Clint? It’s not an underrated friendship we’re talking about, a big chunk of the fandom loves the cap quartet or team cap, and after civil war it would have been nice to see them interact, especially after its popularity and popular demand. Outlaw team cap would have been glorious, a good chance to bring back many characters who aren’t here anymore in the right way, and involve characters that are rarely involved in What if in the storyline, for a change.

The treatment of Sam in this series particularly angers me, and even more so in this episode. I understand not involving him in other storylines, but Sam was a big part of CATWS and he wasn’t even in the episode centered on that film. What, because Steve met him while running he can’t be introduced in any other way? And oh, there’s no excuse for this episode. If there was one episode they could have placed Sam in, it was this one. Sam was there in infinity war, where the mess happened, and he should have been with the other avengers in this one.

If marvel wanted to involve someone from another universe so bad, it should have been a Captain America Sam from another universe. Can you imagine the poetry of seeing Steve and Nat again after endgame? Can you imagine having closure with them both, and having fun in the process? It would have been so great.

Another great storyline without involving characters from other universes would have been one where Steve, who touched the time stone, accidentally brought everyone in the past, and he was the only one to remember it. And to go back and prevent everyone’s distraction, he had to recruit the avengers, who don’t know him and don’t trust him but that in the end become his friends and companions. It would have been so interesting to see the original avengers involved in something different from being some side characters or extras in the one woman show that seems to be What if, constantly centered around the same bland, one dimensional reimagined side character. Peggy’s blandness is so obvious in these episodes (aside for some random remarks that made me smile) that literally everyone who’s involved directly with her must be bland like her, otherwise risking to overshadow her.

I don’t think I was supposed to cringe and look away as much as I did during Steggy’s forced scenes, but I did. If they had to force Steggy and Peggy down our throats, at least they could have done something different from the same bland and boring storyline as always. I wouldn’t be as mad as I am now if Peggy and Steve’s relationship wasn’t as bland. I would have preferred an enemies to lovers type of twist or change, where Steve doesn’t trust Peggy and struggles with her because he sees in her a different version of the Peggy that died in that universe. But noooo, god forbid, let’s go with the same old song.

An episode five or ten minutes longer with a better, avengers-centric or Steve-centric storyline would have been much better than what we got.

And given that this was my most anticipated episode, I was very disappointed by it. I hope for the next seasons, if there’s other ones, Marvel will listen to the general complaint regarding Peggy and will give her a break. I don’t think any of the original avengers or relevant MCU characters made as much appearances as Peggy, and being a main focus in four episodes out of nine is ridiculous.

#rant #anti what if #what if spoilers #what if season 2 #anti peggy carter #Steve rogers #pro steve rogers #Bucky Barnes #pro bucky barnes #Stucky #Sam Wilson #pro sam wilson #Sam Wilson is captain America #Natasha Romanoff #Clint Barton #the avengers #Tony stark #you will never catch me using this hashtag again so you better enjoy it #Wanda Maximoff #Thor odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Scott lang #episode review #I’m literally at a loss #they could have made the most glorious medieval au #instead they gave us one of those awful steggy fanfics written in ten minutes #anti steggy #mcu critical #Ross rants

[upat4amwiththemoon]

Protector | part 2

Summary: Be the person you needed as a kid.

Pairing: big sister!Yelena Belova x female!reader, big sister!Natasha Romanoff x teen!female

Warnings: violence, angst, death of a character

Word count: 7746

a/n: The timeline here is obviously different compared to the real MCU, this fic starts after Black Widow and there’s more time between Black Widow and Infinity War. Ideas come from these two asks. I do realize this is similar to Two sides but that’s okay :) read the first part before this!

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore

Natasha will take great care of you.” Yelena reassures as she drives towards the compound. She wasn’t the happiest to leave Y/N behind, but this mission was something she didn’t want her to be part of.

“I don’t need a babysitter, Yelena! I’m 15 and I know very well how to take care of myself.” Y/N looks out the window, pouting she has to be away from Yelena for such a long time. “I’ve done it for my whole life.”

“See, that’s not something we’re going to normalize. Family takes care of each other.”

The word family still makes Y/N feel weird. She isn’t sure how she’s supposed to feel hearing it. She does have some sort of family now, so she should be happy, but at the same time it makes her feel bad. Caring about people always ends badly. No matter what. You can’t win.

Y/N sighs, she knows Yelena won’t change her mind. “Will there be other people.”

“I think so.” Yelena mumbles. That’s also something she wasn’t very excited about. Leaving Y/N with Natasha is okay, but with other unknown people as well is a whole new story. Yelena doesn’t know the Avengers and she doesn’t know how Y/N will be with them. “Nat lives at the compound and I think they fixed things, so no one is a fugitive anymore.”

Y/N hums. “I get to be part of the next mission, yes?”

“Yes, I will keep my promise don’t worry.” She glances at Y/N with a grin. “It’ll be the best mission ever.”

Y/N giggles quietly. “You know every mission we do turns to shit.”

“Hey, language.” Yelena glares at her, while Y/N rolls her eyes. Sometimes Yelena takes the motherly big sister role a bit too seriously. “The next one will be good, I can feel it.”

“I will bet you ten dollars something goes wrong.”

“Deal.” Yelena and Y/N shake their hands at a red light, both having a smile on their face.

“You’ll keep her safe?” Yelena has been standing on the compound’s front door for fifteen minutes already, going over everything Natasha should know about Y/N and making sure she’ll be good.

“I will, Yelena.” Natasha smiles lightly, starting to get annoyed by her sister. She’s holding Y/N’s bag on one hand while the other lays on the younger one’s shoulder. “Nothing bad will happen to her.”

“Good, because if something bad does happen, I will kill you.”

“I know.” Natasha chuckles.

Yelena grumbles at Natasha not taking her threat seriously, so she just turns to Y/N and gives her a tight hug. “I won’t be gone for too long and you can contact me whenever you want to, okay?”

“Okay.” Y/N mumbles to Yelena’s shoulder. She is pressing her head against her, not wanting the involuntary tears to fall. “Be safe.”

“I will.” Yelena kisses her head and backs away from the hug. “Have fun with Natasha!” She starts walking away to her car, waving at the two until the door closes.

Y/N lets out a shaky breath as Natasha starts leading her towards a guest bedroom that’s next to Natasha’s own. “You’ll be sleeping here, is that okay?” Natasha sets Y/N’s bag to the bed.

“Yes, thank you.” Natasha keeps standing around the room quietly while Y/N carefully sits down to the bed. “You don’t have to hover. I know I’m not your sister like Yelena is. Besides, Lena hovers over me more than a family of five combined.” She scoffs with a small smile. She doesn’t hate Yelena’s hovering. It actually makes her feel cared for and safe, but sometimes she takes it too far. Like right now, Y/N would’ve been perfectly capable to go on the mission.

“I’m not doing this just because Yelena asked me to, I genuinely like you and think of you as part of the family.” Natasha sits down next to Y/N. She has a small smile on her face.

“Oh.”

Natasha hums, looking at Y/N’s hands that keep moving. “There won’t be a lot of people around. Wanda is away with Vision, she really wanted to meet you though. And the rest of them are kind of all around.”

“That’s okay. I prefer being around fewer people anyway.”

“So do I.” Natasha stands up, swiping invisible dust off of her hands. “You should rest. You can meet the people who still are here tomorrow. That sound good?”

“Yeah. Thank you, Natasha.”

“Of course.” Natasha gives her a smile before leaving Y/N alone in the room.

Slowly opening her eyes, Y/N looks around the room. The unfamiliarity of it makes her panic momentarily, but she regains her sense of surrounding quickly. The Avengers Compound. She is supposed to be here. She is safe.

Y/N moves the covers aside to stand up. She crosses her arms around her waist, holding herself tightly. She stands in front of the bedroom door, too nervous to actually leave.

At least fifteen minutes pass by. Y/N keeps staring at the door. She isn’t sure which rooms she’s allowed to go, or where the different rooms even are.

Biting her lip, Y/N takes hold of the handle and opens the door. She steps outside. The corridor is almost fully white and full of doors, probably to other bedrooms. She picks a direction and starts walking, her eyes going through everything, especially corners. Old habits die hard.

After a few turns, she starts to hear talking, so she walks towards it. Glancing around a corner, she sees Natasha and an unknown man talking together. With a deep breath, she makes herself known to the pair by walking in.

Natasha turns her way first. “Good morning.”

“Hi.”

The man turns to look at her as well. “Y/N, this is Steve Rogers, the Captain America. Steve, this is Y/N, she was in the Red Room.” She doesn’t mention Yelena or being sisters, Y/N isn’t even sure if Steve knows about it all.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” Steve walks over to her and puts his hand out.

Y/N stares at him. He’s big and looks strong, but Y/N thinks she could take him down if necessary. “Yeah, you too.” She mumbles, shaking his hand for a very short amount.

“I made breakfast.” Natasha shows a plate of waffles.

“She didn’t actually make them, they’re from the freezer.” Steve fake whispers so Natasha could clearly hear him.

She rolls her eyes, setting two plates down to the table. “Don’t you have a run to go to?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve holds up his hands in mock surrender, a smile on his face. “I’m going. Have fun you two.” He walks away.

Natasha gestures towards a chair opposite of her. Y/N walks over to it, sitting down. She stares at the plate full of waffles. There are so much it could feed her and Yelena.

“I wasn’t sure how hungry you are. No need to eat it all.” Natasha smiles quiet sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. “There’s berries and syrup, take whatever you want. Do you want orange juice? Or apple? We also have water, of course.”

Y/N looks at Natasha. She seems nervous, which is different. She didn’t think someone like Natasha Romanoff could get nervous. “Orange.”

“Got it.” Opening the fridge, Natasha pours orange juice to Y/N’s and her own glass, leaving the jug to the table afterwards. She sits down to her own chair. “I hope you like waffles. I didn’t think to ask yesterday what you’d like for breakfast.”

“I like them.”

“Good.”

They start eating in silence. Y/N takes small pieces at a time, keeping her eyes on the food, while Natasha keeps glancing at her direction. She analyses her face every time, looking for any sign of uncomfortableness or dislike, but she doesn’t see any. Although, Natasha isn’t surprised, Widows are good at keeping their emotions in check.

“You and Yelena have been freeing the other Widows?”

“Yes.”

“It’s going well?”

“Mhm.” Y/N nods, chewing on her food.

Natasha taps the fork with her finger. She isn’t sure how to keep the conversation going with the teenager, or how to overall get more than one word answers.

“What will you do after all the Widows have been freed?”

Y/N shrugs, moving pieces of the waffle around with her fork. “I don’t know. I don’t really know what I’m good at besides killing.”

“That’s what I thought too, but I figured it out. So will you.” Natasha offers her a gentle smile.

“Don’t you still do it?”

“Huh?”

“Killing. Don’t you still kill people? You’re just on the other side now.” Y/N stares at Natasha who struggles to provide an answer. “You would’ve been killed if you weren’t recruited to Shield, yes? So I either have to become an Avenger or a mercenary. And I’m not becoming an Avenger, so I’ll be a paid killer until someone kills me.”

“Well- no.” Natasha looks at Y/N, who has very monotone look on her face. She doesn’t understand how Yelena makes it look so easy. She interacts with Y/N with ease and makes her feel better with just few words.

“It’s okay. I’m just trying to be realistic.”

“Right.” Natasha pushes the empty plate to the side. “Listen, I’m not good at this.” She gestures between the two of them. “Teenagers aren’t my forte, and you aren’t even a normal teenager. Yelena somehow makes it look so easy.” She chuckles. “But I really do want to get close to you, okay?”

Y/N nods, she looks down to hide a small smile. “It’s not easy.”

“Hm?”

“With Yelena.” Y/N turns to look at Natasha. “It’s not easy with her. We fight a lot and disagree on many things. We’re somehow exactly the same and complete opposites, so everything is just a…shit show.”

“Language.” Natasha mumbles with a smirk. Y/N scoffs, smiling at herself. “Yelena can be headstrong and idiotic at times, but she is great.”

“She is.” Y/N frowns. “I don’t think I could do anything without her. She’s the reason I’m sane.”

Standing up, Natasha walks over to Y/N’s side and hugs her. “I know she couldn’t be without you either. And you’ll see her soon. Until then,” Natasha pushes her to arms length, holding onto her shoulders, “we’ll have fun, okay?”

“Okay.” Y/N giggles

“I told you I’d take you to the next mission.” Yelena whispers as she, Y/N and Sonya, a third Widow sneak around the huge house. Y/N only shushes her, making Yelena shush her back in annoyance.

They all freeze when the target, Ana, another Widow, steps in front of them. Yelena and her start fighting, while Y/N fishes out a vial of the antidote. “Yelena!” She shouts, throwing the vial towards her.

Yelena grabs it and releases it in front of the woman’s face. “The next bit is going to be really scary, but we are here to help you.”

The woman scrambles up from under Yelena. She stares at the big red spot on her carpet. “Look what you did to my rug. 20 000 dollars down the drain, thanks.” Y/N frowns, she sure didn’t think that’d be the first thing on her mind after being freed from mind control.

“Excuse me?” Yelena looks just as confused.

“I don’t think she was brainwashed.” Sonya chimes in.

“What, you thought I was some rich pervert’s prisoner?” She stares at all three of them.

“Well, yeah, kind of.”

“Wait, this is your house? How can you afford all of this?”

“By doing the thing we’re all best at. Killing for money.”

Y/N sighs at the sentence. No matter how hard she tries to get away from it, everything just keeps reminding her of the purpose she was made to do. Kill people.

The four of them go to sit in the living room and talk in a more civilized manner. Y/N keeps mostly to herself while the three adults talk about the freed Widows.

“Yelena, how is your other sister doing?”

“She’s doing okay.” Yelena smiles lightly.

“Good.”

“Yeah, she’s good.”

“And then, you and Natasha will be reunited and go live your Sex and the City fantasy in New York.” Sonya giggles, missing the solemn look on Y/N’s face. She and Yelena always did want to go to New York, but it doesn’t look like she’s involved in the plan.

Yelena hums. “Excuse me.” She stands up and walks away from the trio.

Y/N sighs, sinking to the chair. She looks around the apartment. It would be very luxurious to live in a place like this, but she doesn’t want to kill people anymore. There has to be something else she’s good at.

Ana turns on the television to pass time. The sound of it is all smushed to Y/N as she thinks about her future. “I’m gonna go see what’s taking Yelena so long.” She mumbles, standing up and walking towards the bathroom Yelena went into. She knocks on the door and waits. Nothing. “Yelena?” Knocking again, louder than before, she starts to feel worry bubble in her stomach. “I’m coming in.”

Y/N opens the door, but the room is empty. With a frown, she starts looking inside the rooms close by. They’re all empty. Starting to get panicky, Y/N goes back to the living room.

“I can’t find Yelena.”

“Y/N.” Sonya has a horrified look on her face as she turns to look at her, but Y/N pays no mind.

“Are there any other rooms she could’ve went into in this giant house of yours?” Ana’s face is glued to the television. “Hello?”

“Y/N.” Sonya grabs her arm.

“What?”

Sonya turns her towards the television. “Listen.”

The News channel is on. It’s showing chaos all over the city. Cars crashing into each other, a helicopter falling down, people disappearing. “It seems like people are randomly turning into dust and disappearing. No one knows why this is happening or where the people are going. We’ll conti-“

The news anchor continues to talk, but Y/N doesn’t hear it anymore. People are disappearing. “No.” She mumbles, shaking her head. “She didn’t turn into dust, she’s here somewhere.”

“Y/N…” Sonya sets her hand on Y/N’s shoulder, but she brushes it away instantly.

“No!” Her breathing picks up as she continues to shake her head. “No. This is some cruel joke. This isn’t real. Yelena!” She shouts, starting to walk towards a hallway, but Sonya stops here.

“She isn’t here.”

“No!” She tries to pull away, but Sonya wraps her arms around Y/N. “Let go of me!” She starts wriggling around, but the older Widow doesn’t let go.

“Let it out. Let it out.”

“Stop it! She can’t be gone.” Y/N sobs, slowly losing her fight. “She can’t be gone.” She drops to her knees, crying, while Sonya continues holding her.

The phones have been ringing for a half an hour already, but Y/N has no energy to pick it up. She just stares at Yelena’s bed. It’s empty. It shouldn’t be empty. Her eyes have already dried, she doesn’t think she could physically cry anymore.

Yelena’s phone rings. She didn’t have it with her on the mission. She doesn’t dare to pick it up. Yelena always said: ”Keep your hands off of it! You have your own phone.”. The phone stops ringing.

After a minute, Y/N’s own phone starts ringing. Finally she answers it. “What?” Her voice cracks from all the crying and screaming she did earlier. She doesn’t even remember how she got to the house, all she knows she was sobbing her heart out.

“Why the hell haven’t you and Yelena been answering your phones?” Natasha’s loud and angry voice comes through the speaker. Y/N knows she’s only worried. “You can’t do that! I was so fucking scared.” She hears Natasha take a deep breath. “Are you two okay? Can I talk to Yelena?”

“Yelena isn’t here.”

There’s a long silence on the other side of the phone. It almost sounds like Natasha hung up, but the occasional shaky breath lets Y/N knows she’s still there. “Where is she?”

“She’s not here.” Y/N repeats.

“You already said that.” Her voice gets louder again. “Where is she?”

“Not here.”

“Y/N!”

Y/N’s hold of the phone tightens momentarily. “I don’t know. I guess she’s with the other half of the world.”

“No… No, no, she can’t.” Natasha mumbles. She sounds worried. There’s a pause. Y/N can hear her pacing. “Where are you?”

“At our house.”

“Okay.” Natasha clears her throat. “Okay, you should come to the compound. Yelena wouldn’t want you to live alone. We’ll fix this, I promise.”

“Okay.”

For a moment, Y/N actually believes her.

The first year of the blip, Y/N stays in the Avengers compound. She finally meets the rest of the team, or the ones that are left. She doesn’t like them. Why do they get to be here but Yelena doesn’t. It’s not fair. Yelena should be here. She’s glad most of them have already left. Y/N doesn’t think she could have spent longer with them. They’re pathetic.

For the first few months she didn’t speak any more than she had to. She stayed in the guest room assigned to her and ignored everyone. When someone talked to her, she’d mostly nod and hum. Although, sometimes she couldn’t even do that. She’d just stare into the abyss.

Then she started to get angry. When Natasha tried to talk to her, Y/N would shut her off completely. Yelling, slamming doors, throwing things, anything to shut her up. It didn’t work, at first, Natasha would keep coming back. She made a promise to Yelena after all, she’d keep Y/N safe. But after a while, she stopped trying as much.

Y/N started to resent everyone and everything. She hated the feeling of uselessness. The survivors. The ones who started to forget and move on. The Avengers. Natasha. Yelena.

There’s a knock on her door. Y/N puts down her phone. She’s been on it a lot these days. She goes to open the door. “What?”

Natasha holds a plate of food on her hand. “You haven’t come out of your room for days. You have to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” Y/N starts closing the door, but Natasha stick her foot in between.

“I don’t care. You’ll eat.” Natasha welcomes herself in the room. It’s tidy. It’s always been tidy. Y/N is still accustomed to order and organization. It’s also empty. Y/N never wanted to get anything extra to her room. Because this isn’t her home. Her home is where Yelena is. “It’s just scraps from yesterday. I can’t cook, you know that, and Steve isn’t here today.”

“Right.”

Natasha gives the plate to Y/N, sitting next to her. “How are you?”

“Perfect, obviously.” She holds onto the plate, but doesn’t eat.

“Y/N.” Natasha sighs. She rubs her forehead. “I know this is difficult to you, I understand. But y-“

“No!” Y/N pushes the plate back to Natasha as she stands up. “You don’t know. You don’t understand!” She laughs, her eyes wide. She’s hollow. There’s nothing in her voice or eyes. “You have your second family or whatever you call them. All I had was Yelena. She was my family!”

Natasha sets the plate down to a side table, grabbing Y/N’s hands. “I know. And I promise you that we will get her back.”

“Don’t you dare promise me things you don’t even believe in.” Her words come out like a bite. Sharp. Cold. Rough.

“I do believe we can get everyo-“

Y/N pulls herself away from Natasha. “Oh shut up! We both know you can’t do anything alone. And everyone else has already given up.”

Both of them turn quiet. They stare at each other. Y/N’s chest is rising up and down as she breathes heavily.

“I want to leave.”

“You know where the door is.” Natasha mumbles.

Y/N clenches her jaw. It hurt. She knows she’ll regret leaving, so does Natasha letting her leave, but both of their judgments are clouded by emotions.

Y/N packs the few things she has and strides out the door, bumping into Natasha on the way. Natasha spends the night in Y/N’s room, crying.

The next four years go by rather quickly. Y/N doesn’t let herself have any free time to think or feel. She just works and then works some more. She was grateful to have a lot of work. People became angry and violent during the blip. They wanted other people dead. And Y/N was there to grant their wish. It also paid well.

Still, Y/N never moved out of her and Yelena’s old apartment. She never even changed anything in it. She wanted to keep Yelena’s side clean and pristine for her return. If she ever does return.

She cleans her knives from the blood that’s coating them. She always has preferred them over guns, even though the gun collection she has is big. The only sound in the house is coming from the television. The News channel is on.

Y/N throws a clean knife to her bag and picks up the next one. She stares at it. It’s Yelena’s. It has blood on it. It doesn’t feel right. Taking a wet cloth, she starts scrubbing it furiously, gritting her teeth together while doing it.

“Shit!” She drops the knife. Her palm is bleeding. “Motherfucker.” Mumbling, she goes to pick up the first aid kit.

While she bandages her hand, her attention turns to the television. The news anchor is speaking quite frantically.

Y/N ups the volume. ”We’ve just gotten new information from the fight against Thanos. Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff are confirmed dead.” Her whole body freezes. “But their sacrifice has brought back the half we lost during blip. Thank you for your heroism Ave-*

Y/N screams, throwing a knife straight to the television screen. Her breathing picks up quickly. She has to kneel down so she wouldn’t fall down. One of her hands is on the door while the other is pressing against her chest.

Natasha is dead. They’re back. Natasha is dead. They’re back.

The words circle through her brain. She starts feeling sick. Natasha tried calling her few times. Y/N didn’t answer. Then she texted how they’ll save Yelena. Y/N didn’t answer that one either. She didn’t believe her.

Running to the bathroom, Y/N kneels in front of the toiler just in time before vomiting. She coughs. It feels impossible to breathe. There isn’t enough air. The walls are closing in.

There’s a harsh knock on the door.

Y/N freezes. The knocking doesn’t stop. She flushes the toilet and washes her mouth with water. It’s all going in slow motion for her. The walk to the front door feels so long. A shaky breath leaves her mouth when her hand touches the handle.

She opens the door.

“No.” Her voice is quiet, but she sounds and looks just the same as five years ago. Y/N on the other hand, she almost looks unrecognizable to her. Of course she’d always recognize her little sister no matter what. But she’s so…adult like. “You didn’t disappear.”

Y/N shakes her head. She isn’t sure if her voice even works.

“You were alone, for five years.”

“I was.” She croaks out.

“You are an adult now.”

“I am.”

Yelena pulls her into a bone crushing hug. Y/N can’t do it back, so she just stands there. After a while Yelena pulls back to properly look at her. Her hand traces through every feature. Y/N’s face is rougher now, there’s a ragged scar near her left eye. It hasn’t healed properly. Yelena’s thumb caresses it. All that’s running through her mind is how she wasn’t there to protect her.

“You still owe me that ten dollars.” Y/N whispers.

“What?” Yelena’s gaze turns from the scar to her eyes. She instantly frowns. They look so cold compared to when she was a kid.

“You owe me ten dollars, from the mission. I told you it’d turn to shit.”

“Language.”

“You can’t say that to me anymore.”

“Yes I can.” Yelena laughs. It’s airy and sad. “I’m still your big sister.”

The words make Y/N frown. Yelena doesn’t have a big sister anymore. “Natasha is dead.”

“I know.”

“She saved you.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t believe her.” She whispers. “She promised to bring you back, but I didn’t believe her.”

“It’s okay. She knows you didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

Y/N scoffs, walking further in the house. Yelena follows her after closing the front door. Her brows scrunch when she notices the broken television, knives and bloodied papers near the aid kit. Only now she realizes Y/N’s hand is bandaged.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“This is not nothing.”

“Just leave it, Yelena.” She snaps. Y/N groans, rubbing her head. She doesn’t want to get angry at Yelena, especially not right now. She just got back. “Nothing happened.” She rips the knife out of her television. It definitely won’t work anymore.

Yelena sighs, deciding to change the subject. “What have you done during the five years?”

“I was at the Avengers compound for the first year, then I left.”

“And then?”

“You don’t want to know.” Yelena raises a brow. Y/N groans, rolling her eyes. “I…killed people, for money.”

Yelena purses her lips together. She’s mad, obviously. She didn’t want Y/N to live this kind of life, but at the same time, she would’ve done the same. “Okay. Who do you work for?”

“Different people. Whoever needs me.”

Humming, Yelena looks around the apartment. It looks exactly the same. It’s comforting to see that at least something is the same. “Does your current boss need another employee?”

Y/N slams the car door closed, watching as Fanny runs right past her. She walks behind Yelena. The whole car ride there was quiet, Y/N didn’t know what to say, if she even should say anything. She doubts there’s anything that’d help the grief Yelena is feeling. And she’s mourning too, though at times she wonders if she’s allowed to. Anytime those feelings come, though, Yelena seems to be there to remind it’s okay for her to be sad.

Yelena cleans up the grave, while Y/N kneels in front of it. She isn’t sure if her legs would hold her.

Natasha Romanoff

Daughter Sister Avenger

Yelena presses her head against the side of the grave. Whistling to it and then pausing, hoping that maybe, just maybe, someone would answer.

She stands and helps Y/N up as well. They stare at the gravestone in silence, until the sound of blowing a nose disturbs them. Turning to look at the person, they see Valentina.

“Wow, sorry.” She sniffles. “I’m allergic to the Midwest. What this woman did, honestly, I can’t even imagine.”

“You’re not supposed to be bothering us on out holiday time, Valentina.” Yelena comments, refusing to look at her.

“Oh, bothering you? Oh, no, no. I’m just here paying my respects.”

Yelena hums, not believing a word that comes out of her mouth. “You know, coming here makes you look desperate.” They laugh, but Yelena turns serious very quickly. “We want a raise.”

“Oh, yeah. You and me both. Believe me, you’re gonna earn it.” Valentina takes out a tablet. “I’ve got your next target. Thought I’d hand-deliver it. Maybe you two would like a shot at the man responsible for your sister’s death.” Yelena takes the tablet, showing it to Y/N as well. “Kind of a cutie, don’t you think?”

Y/N stares at the picture. Clint Barton, an Avenger, the one Natasha was stuck in Budapest with. She turns to look at Yelena, who has mostly a emotionless look on her face, but she can see the fury deep within.

Here they go again.

Y/N stares at her phone while Yelena is changing out of the uncomfortable suit. They’re in New York, staying in a fancy apartment Yelena got for them. She has always been the one who thrives in fashion.

’We have a plan, Y/N. We’ll save Yelena and everyone else. You don’t have to be alone anymore. Just like I promised.’

It’s the last text Natasha sent to her. The one she didn’t answer to. Natasha died thinking she’s still mad at her, when truthfully, she never was. Y/N shouldn’t have left. Maybe Natasha would be still alive if she stayed.

“Aren’t you going to change out of that?” Yelena stares at Y/N.

Glancing down at her own suit, Y/N shrugs. She doesn’t have the energy to move. Her side hurts. She’s pretty sure the other woman sliced her with a knife, but Yelena never noticed, so Y/N will keep quiet about. She’d worry too much.

“Are you hurt?”

“No.” She sighs. “Just tired.”

Yelena hums. “I think I lost my mask in there.” Clint pulled it off in the middle of the fight. It never looked practical to Y/N.

“Do you want to go get it?”

“No, I’ll get a new one.” Yelena keeps staring at Y/N, whose eyes are still glued to her phone. She’s reading the text over and over again, as if magically Natasha would text her again and she could apologize. “I think we should visit Kate Bishop later.”

“Okay.”

“You’ve been very distant recently.”

Y/N puts down her phone to look at Yelena. “I don’t know what you mean.” She presses her hand against the wound to slow down the bleeding, hiding the grimaces of pain.

“You don’t talk, you don’t want to do anything but work.” Yelena walks closer. “I’m worried.”

”There’s no need to worry.” Y/N mumbles. She sighs, combing her hand through her hair. Standing up, she starts organizing the things around their apartment. She wanted to keep everything neat and Yelena is more messy than her. It was also way to escape her thoughts.

“You’ve changed.” Yelena states. Her voice is full of worry, but she tries not to show it too much.

“You don’t get it, Yelena.” Y/N’s voice is desperate as she moves her hands around. “Of course I’m different. It’s been five fucking years!”

“Language, please.”

“Stop acting like you’re still my overprotective older sister. I don’t need that anymore.” She starts pacing around her spot, rubbing her forehead. Her head is starting to get cloudy. She can’t get her thoughts straight.

“You don’t just magically stop needing your big sister!” Yelena frowns. “Which is why I’ll al-“

Y/N throws an empty glass to the wall. “Oh shut up!” Yelena doesn’t flinch from the burst of anger.

“Throwing things isn’t going to solve anything.” Yelena takes a few steps forward. She can see the struggle in Y/N’s eyes. “You talk to me when you feel angry. You tell me what’s going on in your mind. You come to me. Because you still need me.” She grabs Y/N’s hands, tightening her hold when she stats pulling away.

Y/N grunts, getting increasingly frustrated by Yelena, who pulls her even closer and closer. “Stop.” She mumbles.

Yelena wraps her arms fully around Y/N, locking her arms under them. Slowly, Y/N starts breaking down. Her tears fill with tears and they fall down her cheeks. Yelena shushes her as she starts sobbing, whispering sweet nothing into her ear. “We’re going to be okay.” She lifts up her hand when she feels something wet. Blood. “Lets get this cleaned up.”

Kate is sitting right in front of them. Yelena is talking with her while eating mac and cheese. Most of the conversation has gone past Y/N, she doesn’t have any energy to listen.

Her head is still a mess, somehow she can’t clear it as well as before. Maybe it has something to do with Yelena being back, or Natasha dying, Y/N doesn’t know.

Kate’s eyes keep glancing at her. She isn’t sure if it’s because of how quiet she is being or how roughly she fought at the rooftop. Her fighting style has changed, though it still involves knives and combat, but she’s more brutal, more calculating. It has helped her a lot at being a mercenary. She learned to detach her feelings from the job, which just made her better.

“No. Our sister saved the world. Natasha Romanoff, she saved the world.” The sentence brings Y/N back down to Earth.

Sister. She isn’t sure if she even knows what the word means anymore.

“You’re really Natasha’s sisters?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Y/N mumbles, speaking for the first time since they arrived to Kate’s old apartment.

Both Kate and Yelena turn to look at her, the latter having a questioning look on her face. “What?”

“She’s not my sister.” Her voice is quiet and her eyes are stuck on the table. “She’s not.” Standing up, Y/N leaves the apartment alone.

Yelena doesn’t come of call after her, she isn’t done with Kate Bishop yet. She also knows she wouldn’t get anything out of Y/N when she’s being so distant.

Y/N walks through the streets of New York until she’s far away from people. After a few seconds of utter silence, she lets out a loud, bloodcurdling scream. She screams until she doesn’t have any air left. Holding onto her stomach, she takes deep breaths.

She couldn’t call Natasha her sister with good conscience anymore. Not after what she did, or didn’t do. It’s her fault she died. Maybe if she stayed at the compound she could’ve taken her place. She didn’t deserve to die. She had people who needed her, like Yelena.

“She’s dead.” She mumbles, closing her eyes. “She’s dead and I killed her.” Blowing air out of her mouth, she relaxes. It helps her, in some sick sense. She’ll spend a lot of time saying things out loud, to remind her what’s real. It clears her head, because sometimes things get mixed up.

After spending three more hours on the one spot, Y/N finally starts walking again. She’s going slowly, staring at her surroundings. She hasn’t really spent any free time exploring the city like Yelena. Not that she had any free time. When Yelena went to see the tourist spots, Y/N did side jobs. She hasn’t told Yelena about it.

The lights are beautiful during the night. She looks up at the buildings. The mist from her breath comes to her field of vision every time she breathes out.

She stops in the middle of an empty street, taking in the cold. She always hated it after the Red Room, but now she misses it. The slight pain from being out in the cold for too long feels like an embrace.

With one last deep breath of the fresh air, she starts walking towards the apartment her and Yelena are staying at. She doesn’t say anything when she comes in, neither does Yelena. She’s grateful for that. At times Y/N hopes Yelena has given up on her like Natasha did. That she’d let her walk out of the door without stopping her, and her every action brings her closer to it.

Yelena and Y/N split right away as they enter the huge Christmas party. They’re looking for Clint, both of them wanting to get the mission over, especially Y/N. It’s too close to Natasha.

Y/N rolls her eyes when the sniper starts shooting. Of course nothing ever goes their way. She follows Yelena to go after Clint, but they lose him momentarily in the midst of chaos and darkness. However, they find a hallway leading to the elevators Clint is in.

As they wait for one, Kate walks up to them. “So, I know you’re chummy with my mom, but I gotta say, I didn’t think you’d make the cut for the Christmas party.”

“Kate Bishop.” Yelena smiles, making Y/N rolls her eyes. She gets too sidetracked in her opinion. “We’re not here to ruin anything. We’re just going to kill Barton, have some appetizers, and then we’ll go.”

“I hope you enjoy the bruschetta, ‘cause it looks like you already lost him.”

“He’s in the elevator.”

“Yeah, what, out of 65 floors, you think you’re just gonna magically guess which one he’s on?”

One of the elevators dings. “Twelfth floor.”

“Damn it.” Kate mumbles.

“Can you two shut up.” Y/N grumbles, staring at the other elevator’s numbers to will them to go faster.

Yelena shakes her head with a sigh before grinning at Kate. “She’s a bit grumpy.” The elevator opens. “Enjoy the party.” The two assassins get in, Yelena stopping Kate from entering. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as she slips in right before the door closes.

The three of them stand there in silence. At least for a while. Kate decides to disturb it by trying to push all the elevator buttons, multiple times, which Yelena stops every time. Until the third time when Kate slaps her. Y/N actually snorts at it.

As the elevator door opens at the next floor, Y/N and Yelena run out of it, the latter cursing Kate and throwing her jacket at her. Kate runs right after them.

She catches up to them in the middle of some offices. They fight, though not with their full strength. Y/N isn’t opposed to leaving casualties behind, but right now she just wants to get past her.

Kate blocks the doorway forward. “What are we doin’?” She smiles widely. “I mean, it’s Christmas Eve. Let’s grab a drink, huh?”

Yelena nods. “Okay. Yeah. Sure. After we kill Barton.”

“No. No, that’s not what- Come on. You don’t need to-“

Y/N huffs, getting tired to the stalling. “Get out of my way.” She slams herself against Kate, making her fly out of her position. She holds a foot over her chest. “And stay out of it.” Irritated, she jogs away from Kate, who gets up quickly to continue fighting with Yelena.

They finally get to the window, but right when Yelena is about to use her baton, Kate throws an object straight to her hand. “Ow! That really hurts!” Yelena throws her hands around, grimacing in pain.

“Yeah. Yeah, well so did the kick in the ribs.”

“Oh, yeah. That was a good one. That was good form.” Y/N rolls her eyes at the conversation going on. “But you did the really cool body throw.” Yelena motions the throw with her hands.

“Yeah, thank you. Thank you.” Kate purses her lips. “Stop making me like you.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”

“Oh my god.” Y/N groans, throwing out the wire and jumping out of the window.

Yelena stares at the now empty window. “She’s not one to make friends.” She shrugs at Kate. “That was really fun. Bye.” Jumping out of the window, she takes out her gun and starts shooting at Clint with Y/N. Unfortunately for them, they miss their shots. On the ground, they run to hiding.

They attack Clint again on the ice, Yelena body throwing him to the ground. Clint lays on the ground as Y/N and Yelena stand near him. “Before I kill you, I need to ask you one question.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Yelena and Y/N.”

“I need to know what happened.”

Clint sits up, taking ragged breaths. “Look, Yelena, if I told you what really happened, you’d never believe me. But what you need to know is your sister sacrificed herself, and she saved the world. I’m sorry.” He glances at Y/N, who is intensely staring him down.

Shaking her head, Yelena frowns. “You’re lying. You’re pathetic. You’re so pathetic.” She kicks him down and starts fighting him.

Clint holds Yelena on her place. “Nobody killed her. She made a choice.”

Y/N’s body freezes as she stares at the fighting going on. She knows Clint is lying. She’s the reason Natasha is dead, whether he knows it or not. It’s her fault.

“You’re not listening to me. She sacrificed herself, understand?” Clint holds Yelena on a chokehold, while Yelena looks like she’s about to cry. “I couldn’t stop her.”

Y/N just stares at the fight. Her eyes are glasses over. It’s like she can’t move. Like she’s in the middle of a nightmare that she can’t wake up from. She supposes it is in a way. Just the other way around. Sleep is her escape, but she can’t sleep forever. She has to live day after day in her forever nightmare.

The fight flashes before her eyes. Suddenly Yelena has Clint overpowered. “You should’ve fought harder.” Yelena takes out her baton, nearing Clint as she starts beating him until he can barely hold himself up.

That’s when Yelena drops the baton and takes out her gun, aiming at him. Clint whistles. It makes goosebumps appear on Y/N’s skin, and Yelena stops moving.

“How do you know that?”

“Your secret whistle with Nat. She talked about you all the time, Yelena. She told me about how you got separated as kids. She was flying that plane.” Y/N knows the story. It’s one of the first memories Yelena told her about Natasha. “I asked her if she was scared. All she could think about is that you were safe. That never changed, Yelena. She loved you. And always wanted you safe. Both of you.” He turns to look at Y/N.

“No.” She mumbles.

Natasha told Clint all about Y/N. How the first year of the blip they were together and how regretful Natasha felt after letting her leave. “She was never mad at you.”

“Stop it.”

“She forgave you right away.” Every word he speaks, the more Y/N hurts. “All she wanted was to have you back with her, so she could keep you safe. Like she had promised Yelena.”

Y/N shakes her head. All the thoughts in her head are getting too much.

“She loved you.”

“No!” The change happens in a split second. She takes out two knives, starting to fight Clint who can barely dodge her. Her moves are rough and all over the place. She isn’t calculating all of her moves like usually, now it’s pure emotion and brute force. “She’s dead!” Her yell echoes through the area. Clint is getting littered with cuts while Yelena stands on her place, too stunned to move. “She’s dead! And it’s…it’s-“

Clint gets holds of Y/N’s hands, holding them tightly so she couldn’t move them. She fights against him, but eventually drops down to her knees.

“It’s my fault.” She whispers. ”I killed her.” Dropping the knives from her hands, she stops fighting. Yelena frowns from the sidelines, she didn’t know Y/N thought like that. ”I never answered her. I could’ve stopped her, I could’ve helped.” She mutters.

“You couldn’t have. She made her decision.”

Y/N glares at him, ripping her arms off of Clint’s grip. She stands up and walks away, pulling away from Yelena’s touch as she walks past her.

She continues walking until her legs physically can’t carry her anymore. There’s a small bridge right in front of her, so she goes to sit down on the railing. No one is going through it, giving Y/N a chance to be alone. Her nails are digging deep into her palms and her teeth are clenched together, causing a constant headache.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Yelena’s voice breaks the quiet atmosphere. “Natasha’s death wasn’t your fault.” She says it again to make sure Y/N hears her.

“I didn’t answer her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She tried to call me and sent me a text before she died, saying she’d bring you back. I didn’t answer. I was angry at her.”

Yelena leans against the railing while staring at Y/N. “It’s still not your fault.” She sets her hand on Y/N’s back. “I should’ve been there for you, raising and protecting you. You shouldn’t have been alone.” Yelena huffs, frustrated at the whole situation. “I should’ve protected you.”

“Well you didn’t, did you?” Y/N turns around, dropping down from the railing to stand in front of Yelena. “You weren’t there to keep me safe or comfort me, and that’s shitty, but you can’t do anything to change it. So, just stop it.”

Yelena purses her lips together. She knows Y/N is right. In a way, they can probably never get back to the way they were. Y/N is an adult now. She was all alone for years and that changed her for the rest of her life.

“I don’t need a protector anymore. I don’t need you anymore.”

Swallowing, Yelena frowns. The words hurt to hear. Because she still needs Y/N. “Family never stops needing each other.”

“This family broke a long time ago.” Y/N whispers. “I know it was only few seconds to you, but to me it was five years. And during those years I grew up, it’s time for me to move on. You should do the same.”

“No. I don’t want to.” Yelena shakes her head, stepping closer to Y/N. “I’m not leaving you alone again.”

“You aren’t leaving me, Yelena. I’m walking away.” Y/N clears her throat so her sound wouldn’t waver so much. “Thanks for giving me a family, even if it was only for a short while.” She nods and turns around.

“No, Y/N.” Yelena’s eyes turn glassy as she stares at Y/N’s back. “I forbid you from walking away from me!”

“You can’t do that anymore.” Y/N shouts out with a sad smile, not stopping, not looking back.

Yelena keeps standing on her place, just watching as Y/N moves further and further away. She doesn’t follow her.

She can’t do that anymore.

#marvel #mcu #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #mcu fanfiction #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #natasha romanoff x yelena belova #the black widow #black widow #platonic yelena belova #yelena belova x sister!reader #yelena belova x female reader #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova #yelena belova x teen!reader #steve rogers #kate bishop #clint barton #angst

[holdmytesseract]

moodboard by the wonderful @mochie85 !

Baby Fever AU 《Masterlist》

The Baby Fever AU is set some time after the attack on New York. Infinity War, End Game and Thanos never happened. Loki's punishment had been to join the Avengers - where he met you. One thing came to the other and a few years later, you two are married - and now parents of a sweet girl, called Ella and a little boy called Narfi. This AU features the adventures you are expieriencing as a family - and a lot of dad!Loki moments, 'cause we all love Loki being a dad...

General Warnings: fluff, fluff and even more fluff! Pregnancy things, birth, etc.

Last Updated: April 17th, 2024

《 Baby Fever - the Beginning 》

(How Loki's baby fever started...)

🍼 Part One

🍼 Part Two

🍼 Part Three

《 Before Ella... 》

(The oneshots here are from the time before Ella is born. Y/N's and Loki's story...)

🍼 The Beginning

🍼 You & Me Forever

🍼 Paper Rings

🍼 On one of Tony's team bonding parties...

🍼 About Time

🍼 When a God Loves a Woman

🍼 Hunter & Prey

《 The Dad Loki Diary - Chapter One 》

(What's the 'Dad Loki Diary'? The 'Dad Loki Diary' consists of drabbles and one shots of, well… Loki being Ella's dad and doing dad things. Things that come to my mind - or things that you want to read. If you have a wish what the little family should experience together, look if the requests for this AU are open and let me know! :D)

Headcanons

🍼 Disney Edition

Oneshots

🍼 Of Fathers and Sons

🍼 Daddy Takeover

🍼 Protecting Her

🍼 Father Feelings

🍼 A Precious Moment

🍼 How to Magic

🍼 A Painful Experience

🍼 First Steps

🍼 Insecurities

🍼 First Word

🍼 Not Your Little Girl Anymore

🍼 All I Need Is You

🍼 Asgardian Sightseeing Tours

🍼 Winter Wonders

🍼 A little Girl`s Wish

🍼 Merry Christmas!

🍼 A Fresh Page

🍼 Of the Birds and the Bees

🍼 Female Nature

🍼 Tempting Touch (18+)

🍼 Autumn Blues

🍼 Little Mood Changer

🍼 Capturing the Moment

🍼 Cravings & Food Rubs

Drabbles

🍼 Ella

🍼 Lullaby

🍼 He's Back - Part Two (Part One is written by @lokisgoodgirl )

🍼 Close to You

🍼 Sugar Sweet

🍼 About Scrunchies and Hair Clips

Blurbs

🍼 Ella, sitting on Loki's chest, raven locks in her tiny hands...

🍼 Loki and Y/N, sitting opposite their dining table, looking each other deadly in the eyes...

🍼 Five-year-old Ella is sitting with Loki at the small table in her room, colouring in her princesses colouring book..

🍼 Loki, laying in the bathtub with a glass of wine in hands, living his best life...

🍼 Loki, standing in the kitchen in order to prepare a little something for you to eat...

🍼 Loki, changing the nappy of a happily gurgling Ella...

🍼 The Promo Tour

《 The Dad Loki Diary - Chapter Two 》

(Well... Welcome to Chapter Two of the 'Dad Loki Diary'. :D Our favourite God is now a dad of two. <3 A new chapter in life has started for him, so I thought it's time to start a new chapter here as well! :D)

Oneshots

🧸 Narfi

🧸 Princess Meets Prince

🧸 Tummy Talkin'

🧸 The Price of Love

🧸 Royal Visitors

🧸 Bad Dream

🧸 Football Fever

🧸 The Equation of Love

🧸 Gym Sessions & Babies

🧸 Biggest Fear

🧸 Boys Do Cry

🧸 Infinite Love

🧸 A Stroke Of Fate

Blurbs

🧸 Y/N, tiptoeing towards the bedroom after a long and tiring day of meetings...

🧸 In the royal gardens of Asgard...

🧸 At Thor's and Jane's house; quite a few miles away from the Avengers compound...

🧸 ... and a Happy New Year!

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson x female reader #loki laufeyson x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston characters

[jor-elthatendswell]

It's a well worn topic at this point but the imminent release of The Marvels has me thinking about how militaristic the Marvel Cinematic Universe is, with Monica Rambeau aka Photon, a habour patrol member in the comics, reimagined as a captain in the US Air Force.

She follows Hawkeye, who was changed from an argumentative former circus performer with a heart of gold (a character so staunchly against lethal force he once revoked his own wife's Avengers membership because she sort of, maybe, subconsciously allowed a villain to fall to his death) into a hard-nosed black ops assassin.

Sam Wilson/ Falcon made his celluloid debut as an army man with twin submachine guns attached to his wrists. It’s a far cry from his print counterpart’s introduction as a social worker by day who uses his skill at falconry to protect his neighbourhood.

If we allow the argument that modern cinema goers are accustomed to a sprinkling of realism to make their superheroes palatable (and it’s a strange argument really- why should realism be a desirable quality in summer blockbuster escapism?) then what actually constitutes “realism”.

Sure, a man who learnt uncanny skill with a bow and arrow growing up with a travelling show couldn’t possibly hold his own alongside Hulk or Thor in the real world (and, yes, there isn’t a Hulk or Thor in the real world; as I say, this is a strange argument), but if he learned those exact same skills in some kind of military context then that somehow passes the bar for realism? The sinister upshot is that these children’s heroes become more warlike just as, globally, they reach more children than ever before.

Increasing the realism of superhero stories only serves to make them problematic. DC Comics' Batman, who is the frequently subjected to “realistic” treatments, is the prime example. If, in real life, a billionaire tooled himself up with the best weapons and body armour money can buy and began dispensing violent “justice” with no accountability, then of course that wouldn’t be a good thing. If they wore a costume with pointy ears and started calling themselves “Batman” then of course we would question their sanity. But Batman isn’t real; it’s a story. Nobody thinks The Muppet Show advocates animal cruelty. Quite the opposite, if anything. ("Not unless they're watching it", as Waldolf once heckled) Yet if a filmmaker decides they’re going to make a “grounded and realistic” remake where Fozzy is played by a real live bear wearing a pork pie hat and spotty necktie, then that's a whole other story. Suspend your disbelief and superheroes are less like the police or army and more akin to volunteers and activists, doing what they can with what they have to improve the lives of those around them. Their actions take the form of crime fighting only because that’s what makes for exciting colourful adventure stories for children.

In the MCU, even Marvel’s poster boy, Spider-Man (another champion of non-lethal solutions, known for his compassion even to his enemies and who possesses an enduring appeal to young children) is given a literal sheen of the military-industrial complex in the form of “Stark Tech” armour, replete with military grade strike drones. Tony Stark even thought to equip his 15 year old protégé-cum-child soldier with an “Instant Kill Mode”. In a moment played for laughs in Spider-Man: Homecoming, Spider-Man rejects his on-board AI's attempt to activate this feature but seems untroubled that such an option exists and, indeed, come Avengers: Infinity War, he voluntarily deploys it. It’s not clear if Spidey actually does kill any of his alien adversaries, but it seems reasonable to assume that one doesn’t say “Activate Instant Kill Mode” without the intention of ending lives. Fans are expected to smile or applaud as Spider-Man says these words, recognising the call-back to Homecoming, rather than find it a gross misrepresentation of Marvel’s most beloved character or an alarming depiction of a children’s favourite.

The MCU Avengers as a whole are a US government “initiative “. The reluctant superheroes need to be cajoled into putting their differences aside for the greater good by army top brass Nick Fury. In a tweak from the source material, the ‘H' in Fury's organisation, SHIELD, stands for ‘Homeland’, making SHIELD as explicitly American venture as opposed to it being ostensibly intergovernmental in the comics.

There is a comic book precedent for this military take on Earth's Mightiest Heroes in the form of The Ultimates, a 2002 series by the British team of writer Mark Millar and artist Bryan Hitch. The Ultimates ,however, was satire. Millar was an unreformed lefty of the old school – someone who has boasted of voting Brexit for left-wing reasons, someone who once appeared on Russia Today as a guest of George Galloway. The Ultimates took swings at the gung ho jingoism of post 9/11 America. Captain America's “Surrender!!?? You think this letter on my head stands for France?“ is not supposed to be a badass one-liner, but rather a parody of the kind of things US media outlets were saying as Jacques Chirac proved less keen than Tony Blair to follow George Bush in bringing gunboat diplomacy to the Middle East. As Millar commentated at the time:

“The Ultimates is completely different because it's a character-driven piece and (something only a few people have noticed) my attempt as a left-wing writer to tell stories about an essentially right-wing concept and cast. It's very much the Anti-Authority, if you will. Captain America and so on are fully-paid members of the US military machine and this means a very different book and approach from a gang of slightly arrogrant, left-wing, superhuman utopians like The Authority ".

Wildstorm Comics' The Authority, which both Millar and Hitch worked on (although not together), was a precursor to Ultimates, featuring a team of similarly “any means necessary” heroes, albeit with a left-wing bent. The Ultimates does have something of The Authority’s utopian streak; Nick Fury and Tony Stark genuinely want to make the world a better place for everyone. It’s very idealistic – what if the head of the military and the biggest tech billionaire actually had the people’s best interests at heart? – and arguably closer to true superhero ethos (basically “with great power there must also come great responsibility “) than those characters more pragmatic MCU equivalents.

Yet, as Millar's one time writing partner Grant Morrison (who actually ghost-wrote at least one issue of The Authority under Miller’s name) observed in Morrison’s major nonfiction work, Supergods, the likes of The Authority, The Ultimates and, by extension, the MCU represent a “capitulation” to the view “that it was really only force and violence that got things done and not patient diplomacy, and that only soldiers and very rich people had the world figured out”. If the MCU is realistic, then it’s a sad indictment of the real world where the heroes are the ones with the best tech, the best guns and no compunction about using them.

Regardless of intent, The Ultimates left a door at Marvel’s “House of Ideas” just enough ajar to allow a malign notion to creep in: “These soldier superheroes are pretty cool. What If they were like that all the time? Wouldn’t they be more popular then”?

Certainly the navy SEAL aesthetic Bryan Hitch brought to the costumes (replacing the colourful tights and capes with pouches, straps and body armour) was soon adopted by superhero tv and film productions even pre-MCU. In fact, Hawkeye's journey from carny to commando mirrors the changes in superhero attire. Most famously, Superman's appearance with the red “overpants” derives from that of circus strongmen, but seeing any photography of early to mid 20th century carnival and circus performers makes it clear the early superhero creators had them in mind when they first put pencil to paper.

In an interview (found in Marvel Spotlight: Captain America, published in 2009) Hitch related how he showed an initial Ultimates drawing of Captain America with a machine gun to Grant Morrison, which Morrison then “described as the most obscene Captain America image [they’d] ever seen”. (NB: Morrison has since adopted gender neutral pronouns). Perhaps Morrison said this with glee, in on the joke with their friends, but in the years since, Cap with a gun became a common sight, even in family-friendly movies (where it was divorced from the irony of The Ultimates).

By a 2015 interview, Morrison lamented the fact that “the Avengers work for the government, and it's been like that since Mark [Millar] did The Ultimates” and said they were “bored with the idea that the best superheroes can represent is some aggressive version of the military. [...] They're supposed to be champions of the oppressed, they help ordinary people, they make things better for people. They don't prop up our grotesque, doddering culture of war and aggression”.

That same year Morrison introduced a new comic book superteam in the pages of The Multiversity. Pointedly the text likens this group, named “Justice Incarnate”, to a “cosmic neighbourhood watch” rather than any formal military or law-enforcement institution.

Millar himself reunited with his Authority collaborator Frank Quitely to create the comic Jupiter’s Legacy, which comes across in part as an apology for The Ultimates and all it begat. It concludes with the protagonists, Chloe Sampson and Eddie "Hutch" Hutchence taking up superhero mantles and promising not to make the moral compromises of their predecessors:

“No more bowing to authority and insitutions. No more deference to people in power”.

“There's a dignity in public service we mistook for old-fashioned, and a humility in having a secret identity, living among the people we protect.“

The Avengers, Marvel’s breakthrough billion dollar box office 2012 movie, by contrast, concludes with Iron Man dropping a nuclear bomb on the “Chitari”, an invading alien army and it seems likely this influenced Morrison’s comments on modern superhero stories.

In Supergods, Morrison

describes their childhood dread of nuclear weapons. The child of “ban the bomb” activists, the “gruesome hand-drawn images of how the world might look after a spirited thermonuclear missile exchange” which illustrated their parents anti-nuclear literature struck terror into the young Morrison. Therefore they seized upon superheroes as being an idea powerful enough to counteract – and overcome – the idea of the bomb.

“It’s not that I needed Superman to be “real,” I just needed him to be more real than the Idea of the Bomb that ravaged my dreams”.

Within the narrative of the movie, Iron Man takes the only option available to him to save New York. Destroying thousands of alien lives to save thousands of human ones. But The Avengers isn’t a documentary; the scriptwriters could have written a satisfying denouement which didn’t involve mass murder. They could at least have included some words of regret by the heroes over what it took to win, acknowledging that killing is not the ideal solution. Instead the Avengers trade banter and eat shawarma, collective conscious clear.

There is a moment in another Grant Morrison work, Final Crisis, which always brings the MCU to mind. In Final Crisis #3, drawn by JG Jones, (published in 2008, the same year the MCU began) “evil gods” from a higher plain of existence have been reincarnated on Earth. In order for the Justice League to counter this threat, a “draft for Superheroes” is implemented. Green Arrow (a Batman-a-like character who was subsequently reinvented to embody the countercultural sentiment of the late 1960s and has since served as the social conscious of the superhero set) responds to receiving his draft notice thusly:

“If anybody falls for this authoritarian, militaristic crap, it’ll prove I’m absolutely right about absolutely everything!... “

Cue the next page, where the drafted heroes have gathered en mass (including Green Arrow, impotently shaking his fist.)

Such an assemblage of characters in usually a triumphant moment in a summer "event" story, but here is framed as a sign that evil already has it’s hooks into reality. This world has fallen to the darkness and the superheroes who inhabit it are too morally compromised to realise it.

#the marvels #mcu #the avengers #grant morrison #mark millar #bryan hitch #the ultimates #marvel #dc comics #the authority #opinion #long form #comics #movies #superheroes #superhero #spider man #mcu critical #marvel critical #mcu criticism

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 14 – AUTHOR WEEK

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: itsallAvengers

If you've been in this fandom for any amount of time, you probably already know that itsallAvengers is a gem. I've read their entire AO3 catalogue, and I loved each and every fic that's on it. Their writing is incredible, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out I've read some of their fics hundreds of times, especially the hurt/comfort-y ones.

Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:

Hold me, I'm yours

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 7,229 Tags: Fluff, Avengers Family, Marriage Proposal

Summary: Steve is a little touch starved, and Tony is more than happy to satiate him in any way that he can- much to the despair of the rest of the Avengers, who would just like to eat their cereal without having to watch mom and dad make out on the tabletop, thank you very much.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my god, they're SO CUTE, I can't! The rest of the Avengers despairing at them (and not so secretly being happy for them) is the best, and I absolutely love that ending, holy shit, Natasha is a queen. This fic is so happy and fluffy, and I really want you to experience it for yourself, so go ahead and read it!

Memory Lane

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 3,669 Tags: PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Steve

Summary: Suddenly, he's soaking - someone just threw a fucking water bomb or something, and it's not a big deal, it shouldn't be a big deal- But for some reason, it is.

Reasons why I love it: Steve taking care of his sweetheart, what else could we want? I really feel for Tony in this one, and I bet the entire team feels awful for what happened too, so I'm glad that he has Steve to be there for him. This fic is wonderful, and I hope you give it a read!

Talking Bodies

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 13,268 Tags: Misunderstandings, Insecure Steve, Oblivious Tony

Summary: Coincidentally, the physical effects of romantic and sexual desire match up very closely with the physical effects of fear. But it's not a problem-- it's not like anyone is going to be able to hear the way your heart speeds up, or see the minute dilation of your pupils, are they? They'd have to be some sort of Superhuman to do that. And what's worse than a Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and concluding that you're in love with them? A Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and thinking you're terrified of them.

Reasons why I love it: This is one of the most fun misunderstanding fics I've ever read. It feels so logical that Steve would come to the exact wrong conclusion, and of course they confront it in the most ass-backwards way possible. We love our idiots in love. This fic is fantastic, and I hope you check it out for yourself!

Going Steady

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 13,497 Tags: Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD

Summary: Steve has a soft spot for the sound of Tony's heart.

Reasons why I love it: I love how despite all of their flaws and their shared trauma in the past they still find a way to love each other wholeheartedly. This is one of the most beautiful takes on the Infinity War aftermath that I know, and a fantastic exploration of how they deal with their PTSD to boot. I adore every word of it, and I hope you give it a shot, if you haven't already!

'Til Death Do Us Part

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 15,612 Tags: Presumed Dead, Grief, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Steve goes on a mission. Steve dies on the mission. Or at least, SHIELD make everyone think he's died on the mission. In reality, he's alive and well, and still kicking ass. If only someone had let his husband know that.

Reasons why I love it: Oh god, poor Tony, he's going through a lot in this one. I love how Steve comes to the rescue though and how he deals with SHIELD afterwards. This fic hurts, but it makes up for it with lots and lots of comfort and fluff. I love it so much, and I bet you will too, so go ahead and give it a read if you haven't already!

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