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valeskakingdom · 3 years

Text

Request

Jerome met the reader at the circus ... They spend the evening together (well, maybe have sex)? And then the reader leaves Jerome (he gives her his grey coat, what a gentleman) and comes back the next day, only to find out that he killed his mother and is sitting in Arkham. A year goes by (like in the show, I guess?) and the next time the reader meets Jerome, he’s on the bus with the cheerleaders and of course Jerome remembers her! ;) Is that too much? ;-;

Requested by: @valeskaduh

So guys, here's the final part 2 of my one shot. Hope you like it as much as part 1!!

Wordcount: 3510

Here's part 1: "https://valeskakingdom.tumblr.com/post/647442495087820800/request

Warning: mention of murder and violence

Credit: @gotham-swag

It was late, something after midnight already.

You both, Jerome and you, still laid in his bed fully covered in sweat thinking back about what has happened before, all the feelings, the pleasure... Everything.

Your clothes laid strayed on the ground; your underwear laid next to the bed while your shirt and pants laid elsewhere in any corners of his room.

Jerome had wrapped is arm around your waist to comfort you whilst you rested your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. It was even and slow.

"That was great, wasn't it?" Jerome broke the silence between you with a slight chuckle.

"Indeed," You chuckled "It was worth it."

"It was. Haven't met a girl that could give that good blowjobs."

"Jerome!" You slapped his chest in embarrassment widening your eyes, a strong blush went over face. You were a little shocked about his assertion, but otherwise you felt honored.

"No need to be embarrassed (Y/N)," Jerome chuckled caressing your side "You could see it as a compliment. I'd choose you over others."

"U-uhm...Thank...you? I feel...honored." You mumbled in embarrassment.

"You're cute when you're shy like that." Jerome smirked, sitting up and took a cigarette from his nightstand and lightened it to smoke.

You hummed saying nothing, just gave him a little smile.

You liked it how he called you cute, and that he liked your shyness. It gave you some hope that maybe that this,between you and him, could turn into something more than just a simple one off. All the sweet nothings he whispered into your ear, all the compliments and intensive kisses... That couldn't come just out of nowhere. You had the feeling something was special between you two; you couldn't say what it was though. All you knew was: you felt different in Jerome's near. It was like you two would know each other for ages.

While Jerome was smoking his cigarette off, his smoke spread through the room that you inhaled it. It didn't bother you, you were used to it from home.

You think took your phone out of the pocket of your pants to behold the clock: 00:37

Time for you to go, you needed to get ready in a few hours for your work.

"Anyways, I think it's time for me to go. Need to stand up early," You sighed grabbing your underwear to take them on "You know, work and such."

"Awww really?" Jerome gave you a little pout while admiring your body for one more time "I enjoyed the time with you."

Again he viewed you from head to toe, admired your curves and your flawless pale skin. His view was giving him chills again and he had the urge to touch again. He missed this feeling of your soft skin, this incredible feeling of him inside you making you moan, or the feeling when you dug your nails in his back because he pleasured you well.

"Me too," You giggled and pulled your pants up to buttoned them, then taking your shirt on "But yeah, I don't wanna be late. My boss becomes mad if anyone's late."

"How's your boss when he's mad?" Jerome asked with a certain leery undertone mixed with jealousy.

He looked at you frowning, his breathe became uneven, he kinda seemed to be upset like if you say a wrong word he's about to explode.

It confused you a little, but you didn't give a shit about it. You thought you maybe were just imagining this jealousy. How could he be jealous anyway? He didn't know you at all so he had nothing to loose when you go.

"Let's say you don't wanna mess around with him. He can be a little scary." You took your shirt on. Now though it wasn't as tight as usual anymore because Jerome tugged it from your body.

"Is he touching you?" Jerome gave you a stern look, his tone became rougher what confused you even more.

"Oh no. No, no, he's just yelling and he hears grudges." You turned to him "It's just annoying, that's all."

"Alright," He nodded standing up to take his boxers on "But wait, before you go..." Jerome walked to his wardrobe taking out a dark grey coat handing it to you "Here, it's cold outside."

"Thank you, but you don't-..."

"It's fine, you can keep it," Jerome smiled "See it as a little reward for the gorgeous night." He winked at you making you blush.

"Thank you." You smiled at him taking his coat on. You smelled his cologne, it smelled like any usual cologne but knowing that it was his made it special.

You both walked to the trailer's front door.

Jerome opened the door, you walked a few steps but turned around to face him. With a smile. You looked at his beautiful shining blue eyes for one last time. More and more you recognized that you liked him. You realized that you've never felt this huge amount of comfortableness and happiness. Sure, in an another relationship you've been happy, too, but not as much as with Jerome.

It was strange, very strange. You couldn't understand how you'd be so attached to a stranger. Maybe it was because Jerome was the perfect guy in your eyes and something gave you the feeling that you two belonged together?

"Well, then," you kissed his cheek quickly "See you around, Jerome."

"See you around, (Y/N). Hope to see ya again." One last time, he gave you this amazing smile before he shut the door.

With a little smile you walked out of the circus. You couldn't wait to visit the circus again to meet Jerome and have an amazing time together.

***

Days went by.

You couldn't stop thinking about Jerome - how kind he was to you, how good he treated you, and let's not forget about the sex, of course. The sex was amazing.

Though you still had his coat. You know you couldn't keep it, you wouldn't feel right about it.

Due to different circumstances, the circus was still in your city. On the one hand, you were curious about the reason why. Maybe there were some complications with travelling? Or maybe they did an extra show and had a lot of work to do to prepare for the show?

On the other hand, all your thoughts focused in Jerome. You were excited: you imagined to hug him, talking to him, laughing with him... Everything you wanted to do when you were able to see him again.

You made your way to Haly's circus with Jerome's coat.

As you arrived, everything seemed to be normal. The circus tent was still constructed, the trailers stood still on the same places as on the day where you visited the show, and the artists still walked around the yard.

You looked around to find someone you could talked to and who you didn't bother; then you saw the Ringmaster who was taking his rings to pack them into his case.

He was a tall colored man with some kind of clown makeup: red cheeks. white makeup was smeared around his face and a fake beard was glued on his upper lip. He was wearing a red suit and a black tophat.

"Hey, uhm...excuse me?" You hesitatingly tapped on his shoulder.

"Hm?" He turned to you with a grunt "The circus is closed for visitors. There ain't be a show today."

"Oh, I know but," as the Ringmaster was about to turn around, you grabbed his arm and turned him back to you "I was just looking for Jerome. He gave me his coat a few days ago and I wanted to give it back."

"Oh, haven't you watched the news? Jerome's in Arkham-..." You widened your in shock, you hoped you haven't heard it right.

"Wait, wait, wait...he's what?!"

Arkham?! Has he really said 'Arkham'?! The asylum where murderers, cannibals and other lunatics are living in?! What is he doing there?! Why is he in Arkham?! What has he done to be busted in there?! These were the thoughts that couldn't get out of your head. Jerome was a criminal? How could he?! He was so kind to me, so polite...was that all just acting? Did he play with my mind?

"He killed his mother with a hatchet. You might know her as the snake dancer." He sighed shaking his head slightly while he kept packing the rings in his suitcase "Let's just hope she didn't have a painful death."

"A-alright...t-thank you..." In shook and disgust, you slowly walk back to your car.

You couldn't believe what you've heard. Jerome was a killer: a blood-thirsty, psychotic and cold-hearted killer. You felt poor, you had the feeling you were about to throw up every minute. You slept with him and you liked it...you even wanted to meet him again!

You were disgusted by yourself.

Now you just wished that you could have changed the past; that you've never slept with him, never let him kiss nor touch you...that you've never even talked to him! You just wished that as he bumped into you, that you ignored him or snapped at him that you and himwoukd have never dealt with each other - everything.

***

*1 year later*

It was a rainy and cloudy day in Gotham.

It was cold, your window panes were fogged through the high temperature difference between your room and outside. In your room, it was warm and comfortable while outside it was cold, almost as cold as in winter.

You were just sitting on the couch eating some sandwiches, drinking a Coke in the hope something new and excited happened in your life.

This day was bearing you down, you didn't know why though. Maybe it was just the weather? You had no idea. You just felt empty inside since last year. And you exactly knew why.

You still couldn't believe the fact Jerome was a killer. You couldn't imagine how an actual kind and smart boy with a gorgeous smile, ginger hair, blue eyes and some abs could grab a hatchet to kill his own mother. You just wished it was a lie and that reality played a bad game with you. For sure, you didn't know Jerome completely, you've just met him once but still you could say that this all felt so wrong.

It was the disgust that caused this feeling. You were disgusted by the thought that you allowed a murderer playing with your mind to get in your pants while he was about to murder something behind your back. You were disgusted by the thought that you imagined you and him being a couple, that you wanted to date him... You were disgusted by everything that included him because it reminded you of all this. When you just heard the name Jerome, you felt shivers down your spine and a feeling mixed of disgust and feeling poor.

One thing that confused you was: you couldn't throw his coat in the trash can. You kept it, it hung in your wardrobe and you smelled on it every day because his cologne was still buried in it, then you remembered the gorgeous night you had with him and all the feeling you felt...But then you remembered who he really was and what he has done right after the meeting of you which caused you to close your wardrobe fast and walking out of our room to quickly forget all that - day by day.

Full of boredom, you turned the TV on hoping something could entertain you there.

But then you saw this:

"Hello, Gotham City! We're the Maniax and I'm Jerome, the shot caller of our little gang. We're here to spread the message of wisdom and hope!"

You couldn't believe your eyes. It was Jerome with a bloody nose who cackled shortly, then shot a cop because he coughed and groaned in pain - he apparently disturbed his little show. He was back, he escaped out of Arkham.

Your body was shaking, your breathe was uneven - you were paralyzed.

You started panicking. No place felt safe for you anymore, especially not your little apartment. You needed to be with someone. You thought, when you're alone you'd be fucked. Maybe he remembered you and wanted to look for you? You remembered that he told you, he'd choose you over others. Of course, they could have been just words but now you never know... He was a psycho who might remember everything.

"Some people have no manners." He took a deeper look in the camera "You're all prisoners. What you call sanity, it's just a prison in your minds that stops you from seeing that y'all are a just tiny little cogs in a tiny absurd machine! WAKE UP!"

Jerome yelled in the TV what made you flinch and you curled up in your couch wrapping your arms around your legs tight. Your face was half hidden being your knees that you were still able to watch his little show - but with fear.

"Why be a cog? Be free like us!" Jerome started to cackle "And just remember, smile" he cackled squishing the dead cop's cheek while cackling louder.

Then you heard horns honking, the police was haunting him.

"Oh, time to go!" He crawled down do the ground taking a police head on and still held the camera tight "But dont worry, we'll be back very soon! Hang onto your hats folks, 'cause you ain't see nothing yet!" Jerome cackled insanely but you immediately turned the TV off.

You grabbed your phone fast to call your best friend (Y/bff/n). You needed to be with them. Being alone in a little apartment would just driving you nuts, especially when Jerome was out!

Your best friend was the only one who knew about Jerome being your one off as they knew that Jerome was a killer so they surely understood why you were so scared. You didn't want to risk anything - whether he'd remember you or not, you didn't want to be alone.

Your phone was ringing, you hoped they'd pick up the phone:

(Y/bff/n): hey (Y/n)! Wha-...

(Y/n): Have you watched the news?!

(Y/bff/n): Uhm...no, why? And why are y-...

(Y/n): Jerome's out of Arkham!!

(Y/bff/n): Wait what?! Are you sure it's the Jerome you're thinking of??

(Y/n): he was in the TV...he's planning something... Can stay with you? I can't stay alone. It's driving me nuts. I already have the feeling he's eyeing me from several corners.

(Y/bff/n): Of course! Come over now. We'll get your stuff later.

(Y/n): Thank you! I'm on my way already! See you!

You hung up, immediately taking your jacket, your phone, your keys and some shoes.

You ran out of your apartment, locking your door and walked straight to the next bus station.

You were in a hurry. Outside you didn't feel well at all. You felt being watched, being haunted. You had the feeling Jerome was everywhere and that he just waited the perfect moment to catch you. Everytime someone was walking past you, you felt shivers down your spine and you were scared that any person was a member of 'the Maniax' and kidnap you and bring you to Jerome. You walked faster to the bus station to arrive your best friend's home as fast as possible. You turned your head to the left, to the right, to see whether someone was haunting you. No one did though. It was just your mind.

As you arrived station, the bus came immediately.

You entered the bus as it stopped and chose a seat in the back.Everywhere around you cheerleaders were gossiping, laughing, squeaking about any boy who kissed a friend and such. You instead kept quiet and looked out of the window.

After a few minutes of driving, the bus stopped through a red car from the fire service that blocked its way. Its horns were honking and you could hear someone was getting out of the car.

You saw a ginger guy dancing out of the car on his way to the entrance of the bus. Your heart stopped. Was it Jerome? Was now the moment where you life will end?

He knocked at the door with something, the cheerleaders started to scream.

Something bad will happen now was what you thought while your pulse was running, your sweat was dripping down your forehead, and your hands were shaking. You wanted to cry, you wanted to crawl back in a corner and hope everything will be fine.

Suddenly the door opened, strangers in white suits with guns entered the bus and put us all in handcuffs that were sticker on chains while they pointed their guns at your heads. But for an unknown reason they went out immediately after everyone in the bus was handcuffed.

Cheerleaders were screaming louder, some even started to cry, to son, and to beg for mercy. You instead kept quiet. You couldn't scream. You were in shock and panic, in fear, some tears were already streaming down your cheeks while you tried break free - you failed.

"I want you all to know," you suddenly heard a familiar voice that paralyzed you in shock - he was here "this was a very difficult decision for us. It was between you and uhm... senior citizen bingo party. In the end we decided to skew a little younger. Youth won the day. Sorry." Jerome walked through the bus eyeing each cheerleader girl and pointed his gun at their heads.

With every step he did, you could hear a clicker-clacker caused by his shoes.

Your heartbeat felt like it could explode every minute. You had the feeling you would die soon. More and more tears streamed down your face, you were sobbing in fear, your hands shook uncontrollably. You just wished, you'd come out here alive.

Then Jerome stopped walking, he was eyeing you in surprise and excitement.

"(Y/n)?!" He bended down to you in astonishment completely around him that all the cheerleaders around him were crying and sobbing, and so were you "My, my, my, look at you. You've grown up in that time we haven't seen each other. How you're doing?"

You said nothing, you were just confused about his behavior.

What was wrong with him? Just a few minutes ago he was about to kill us and now he's behaving like an innocent child?! Was what you thought as you just gave him a confused look.

You were still scared though, maybe again he was just playing with your mind as one year ago just to get you?

"It's so good to see you (Y/n), you know that?" He sighed with a smile on his face leaning his elbow against the seat in front of you to lean his head against his hand "I really couldn't stop thinking about you when I was busted in this dirty old shack. The night in my trailer with you...it was marvellous! I still know each part of your body in detail...it brought me many good nights in my cell." Jerome chuckled dark.

You didn't know what to say. Was he about to kill you now? Was it all just a trick again? Do you have to feel honored now that he thought about you every night and jerked off your body?

You stared into his blue eyes, you could tell he was planning something new - and this time it included you.

"Yeah," Jerome kept staring at you with his grin in his face "Anyways, what's new in your life?"

"U-uhm...p-pretty boring...," You sniffed "Nothing has r-really changed since l-last y-year." You stammered feeling odd about having a normal conversation in such an actually dangerous situation.

"Hm..." Jerome hummed flicking his tongue "You know, actually I wanted to splash gasoline all over the cheerleaders and burn them but...now that you are here... I take you with me and THEN I continue my plan." Jerome uncuffed your hands taking them tight and ran with you out of the bus, the other cheeleaders started to scream and cry again and again begged for mercy.

As you and Jerome stood in front the open entrance of the bus, he softly wiped some hair strains behind your ear. With his thumb he caressed your soft skin and wiped all the tears and smeared mascara away.

Jerome smiled at you admiring your face for a while. He looked deep in your eyes, then down to your lips. With a finger snip your fear was gone, the feeling of uncomfortableness faded slowly. Your breathe was uneven though, his personality changes scared you still. Your hands was still trembling, your knees weak. But something told you that you didn't need to be scared of him anymore. He at least safed you.

"From now on, doll, you're mine."

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winter-fox-queen · 3 years

Text

Kisses Like Wine Part 7

Thank you, thank you for all the kind words, clever tags…I hope this ending is a good one for all of you. <3

Summary: We end where we begin…at a party. Will the Thief get everything he came for?

Warnings: Making out…I don’t know why, the man exudes pure sex, but I couldn’t fit the smut in. Stealing things. The reader is female, blank canvass, no y/n.

I stared at the card. All that blackmail, clever managing to break into a warehouse, avoiding getting killed…and all I had to show for it was an empty chair and a card.

A King of Spades. What the hell did that even mean? It’s been a few days, and I had no idea where he was, if he was alright, anything.

But I did have a bit of luck. I learned that there was to be a ball…and it was tonight. The Heart of the Rhine would be on delicious display, around the neck of a lady who claimed to be one of the “Last Habsburg Princesses” — though people made fun of her for her grandiose claims. But still. She was going to the ball, wearing the Heart, and I was going to steal it.

I had a glass fake. It wasn’t a very good glass fake, but it would do with the time I had. I also had a beautiful dress, a soft, filmy green that clung where it should and sparkled like a thousand diamonds had been sewn into it.

I then tried to treat myself to dinner, but the card was declined…finally, my father had cut me off. I laughed…I had bought everything from the skin out for the ball, made sure I was the most beautiful and elegant I could be, and it was the MCDonald’s cheeseburger that got declined.

I told myself I was dressing for the part, not for the man. I hadn’t picked out the most beautiful lingerie to wear under the dress that I could just in case he would get to see it.

I’d give my soul to know his name, and it scared me, how far I’d gone.

How much I wanted him.

So, there I was. At the entryway to the Great Ballroom (which I’d cleaned yesterday, and helped set up this morning before collecting my paycheck and canning my maid outfit and wig for good, thank you very much) I paused. It was going to end the way it began.

I told myself I was ready.

“I thought you’d be in the corner, singing to yourself, angel.” His voice was like a heavy velvet wrap around my heart. I was suddenly so very aware. Aware of the warmth of his body near my back, the feel of his hand as he moved to take mine, bending low and kissing the knuckles, the dark pools of his eyes never leaving mine.

“It’s not a masquerade, this time.” I was proud that I almost sounded unaffected. Almost. He was wearing a jacket of silvery grey, it shimmered a little in the light. “All masks are off.”

“Are they?” He presented me with a little pouch. Smiled down into my eyes, his eyes so deep and dark — but warm, like summer shadows.

“What’s this?” I took it gently.

“A thank you present, for later…hide it in one of the pockets you had sewn into your gown.” He caressed my cheek gently. “Thank you for rescuing me.”

I tried to feel it through the velvet of the pouch as I stowed it…paper? Around something hard? His caress distracted me. “I can’t believe you got caught.”

“Perhaps it is time for me to retire.” He held out a hand. “Shall we? We did not get to dance properly last time, and tonight, we have time to kill.”

I let him lead me out on the floor. His hand on the bare skin of my back was warm, intimate. He’s held me close before but this is different…my breath still came faster, heat still pooled in my belly at his touch, feeling his body move against mine, but it felt like home just as much as it felt like lust. Would he move this smoothly, if we were alone in his bed? Would be be this gentle, but this firm as he lead me?

“How…”. I shut myself off. I had been about to say, “How do you fall in love with a Thief?”

“How do I plan to take it?” He tapped his forehead to mine gently. “You know better than to ask.”

“Well. She has four guards around her everywhere she goes. She’s never alone — someone is always talking to her, always saying something.”

He turned me gently in his arms, and now I was back to his front, as they continued dancing to the music. His cheek was pressed against mine, and I felt the bristle of his beard. “They’re all men.” I said softly.

“Good. Good. And see how much she drinks?”

I spin away, his hand gently guides me back and we are face to face again. “That can’t be it. That’s too easy.”

“Sometimes it is.” His nose brushed mine. “Enough talking.” He kissed me. I stopped right in the middle of the dance floor. The world was spinning, but I was still, tucked up against him, his mouth exploring mine, his hands pulling me close. When I opened my eyes I realized he’d guided us off to the side, in a shadow created by one of the pillars that lined either side of teh room. He looked down at me, as if trying to say something, then sighed, closed his eyes and placed his forehead to mine, cupping my face with both of his hands.

“Will you ever tell me your name?” I whispered.

He pressed his face against my neck, I felt him smile. “Maybe,” he said softly. “Or perhaps you should make one for me.”

“I’d rather know yours.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he started kissing my throat. I was pretending to keep my eye on the mark, but failing. “Stop distracting me…anyway…I am tired of calling you The Thief in my head all the time.”

He looked up. “Really? Is that all you call me?”

“Yes.” I drew it out.

“Liar.” He said, and kissed me on the nose.

“This is not what I expected.”

“And what did you expect?”

“Well.” I played with the satin lapel of his jacket. “I thought you’d drag me off to some quiet corner and have your way with me.”

His hands closed in on my waist, and squeezed. “Is that you want, my darling? To hide somewhere and taken so passionately that I need to keep my hand over your mouth to stifle your moans?”

I looked up at him. “Sounds lovely.”

His mouth twisted into an oddly alluring smirk. “Well.” He said softly, leaning closer. His eyes dashed a quick glance over my shoulder, and his frame sank.

“Is she heading for the restroom? Already?”

He nodded.

I held up a finger. “Hold that thought.” I moved through the crowd, muttering about woman and their humming bird sized bladders.

I went in. There was an attendant, the black cloth of the uniform shirt a little too snug around her arms and shoulders. She was built like an amazon, and I thought, That is not coincidence. I used the restroom, washed up, and was checking my makeup as my mark approached mirror.

My body was between the attendant and the mark. Could I do it? Dared I? “Excuse me…the clasp of your necklace looks undone…”. I reached over to fix it, thankful that she had worn her hair upswept. The fake was palmed in my hand.

“I’ll see to that,” the attendant said, pushing me aside gently. “It looks alright.” Her tone was less gentle this time, and she frowned at me. The Hapsburgh Princess — the papers said her friends called her Norri — gave me a glare in the mirror, then kept fixing her face.

“Must have been a trick of the light. I’d hate for you to lose your necklace, it’s really pretty!” I backed to the door. “See you around!”

He was leaning against the wall next to the door. “Attendant?”

“How’d you know?”

He put an arm around my waist. “You need work on your poker face, my love. Which is a shame, because our next shot at the jewel is during the poker gamethey have set up for later.”

I let him lead me away. “What? You think to get her to add it to the pot?”

He shrugged elegantly.

“Oh, come on. Tell me.” He lead me to a balcony, overlooking the city.

“I have a plan. You know how to play, right?”

“I do…I am adequate, but…”

He handed me a card. “This is so you can join the game. The chips have been purchased. Just collect at the end and cash them in.”

“What happens if they figure out that I’m your accomplice?”

He reached over and tucked some hair behind my ear. He looked very sad, in the golden light. “They won’t.”

I cupped his face in my hands. “Why are you so sad? What are you going to do?”

He shook himself and gave me a blinding smile. “Nothing! Everything will go according to plan. Now…”. He sat down in one of the wicker chairs on the balcony. “Come, let me hold you for awhile.” He unbuttoned his coat with careless flicks of his fingers, then looked up at me, held out a hand.

“Well. We do have to kill an hour…” I sat down carefully.

“Shhh. Give me your whole weight, my dove. None of this awkward half sitting, eh?” I shifted as his arm closed around me, and he traced my jaw with his knuckles, and kissed me. His mouth was hotter and sweeter than sin, I shifted to get closer, pressing my chest to his. I ached to be touched, as those soft lips met the skin of my neck, nipped and licked, burning a path that made me moan softly.

“That’s it, my beautiful girl.” He whispers in my ear.

“What do I have to do to get you to tell me your name? Just the first. Lie. It’s fine. Just tell me…”

He’s playing with the strap of my gown, he’d been in the process of pushing it aside. “I will not lie, not to you, not about that. But I have promised myself — I will only tell my name to the woman I love. The woman I want to…”. He cut himself off and looked at me.

“Alright,” I gave him a brave smile, trying to cover the hurt. “Tell me something else. Anything.”

He ran his hands up my arms. “That you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

I let him pull me back, kissed him. “I love you, but I know nothing about you, and I hate myself for it.” I whispered in his ear. His hands stilled and I slipped off his lap, made a point of looking through the glass door. “Ah. It looks like they are opening the poker tables. See you there?”

The angle I was at, I couldn’t see his face. I kissed the top of his head, enjoying the feel of his soft curls. “It’s OK. It really is.”

And I went inside. I heard him follow, but like Orpheus, I did not dare look back for fear of losing everything.

In this case, everything was my sanity, my will not to start crying, not to berate myself…You know, no-strings screwing could be a ton of fun. I felt a bit like Anne Boleyn, leading Henry the 8th of a merry dance to get what I wanted…knowing full well he could kill me if he felt like it.

I knew he wouldn’t kill me. But I knew he’d probably leave me. Maybe that was why he looked so sad. Could the world’s greatest thief feel regret?

He across from me at the table. There was another guest, then Norri, the mossy green diamond glowing. I felt an unreasonable hatred for it, for her, for the whole place. For diamonds worth millions but still not as unattainable as one Thief. Hell, the moon would be easier to get.

Another man, me, the dealer. I ran my hand over the tray that held my chips, the rough edges cool against my palm. If I walked out with this tray I could get home.

We started playing. I was surprised. I expected silence, quiet desperation…but no.

The table wanted to talk about love. LOVE. I threw in some chips.

“I have been in love exactly three times in my life.” The Thief said idly, accepting new cards and inspecting his hand. The pile of chips in front of him was respectable, but not gross. He was winning just a little more than he was losing. Me? I was annoyed and out for blood. “The first one poisoned me.”

“Really?” Norri was fascinated. So, of course, was I. “Why?”

He nodded and threw some chips in. “Difference in opinion about how to run the family business.”

“The second?” I asked, despite myself.

His eyes flickered down to his cards. “I made her sad. She could not bear me, the way I am.” He gave me the sweetest of smiles. “It happens.”

“I’m calling.” Norrie says. “And you must tell me the third?”

We paused to show our cards, or not. I had a full house, and won, scooping my chips in.

“She is the one I love most.” The dealer was dealing cards again. “I did not know how much I loved her, when I first met her I saw a beautiful woman, inside and out, underappreciated, stuck in a cage when she would be so much more. I thought, I could give her a way out.” He grinned. “Vanity is one of my many, many vices.”

Everyone laughed. Except me. He reached over and took the cards from the dealer, despite the man’s protests.

“I wish I could start over,” he says, shuffling the cards. He looked into my eyes. “But it is almost midnight, Cinderella, and the fairy tale is over.” I realized the backs of the cards were different…when had he changed them? “I am so sorry,” he said, and raised his hands, and rained the cards over us. The power went out, and the cards, as they flew into the air hissed and spat, flaring with fire for a second before becoming sparks and ash. Norrie screamed next to me. I felt a touch as light as feathers for the briefest of seconds. A kiss on my temple.

And then the lights came up again, and the greatest thief was gone again.

I was searched…we all were. The fake necklace was gone, but this time it was me who hid it in a small panel I’d found while cleaning. The going away present he’d left me, the little pouch, was well hidden in my dress, so I was snot surprised that they did not find it. They also did not find the playing card. I found it later, where the first card was.

The Queen of Hearts. I never knew that looking at a playing card could feel like a kiss and a slap at the same time.

I traded in my chips. I took my money. I walked out the door, and thought, I am done with all of this.

There were no more diamonds. No more clues to follow. A black car was waiting outside. I quickened my steps, wondering, hoping. The door opened, and all hopes were dashed. My brother came up to me, looking…relieved.

“Are you alright?”

“I am. I failed. So maybe not for long,” I joked.

“It’s time for you to come home.” He looked so serious. “No one’s mad…we just miss you, and this was good…you had fun, we tried to get the diamond back, but…enough is enough.”

“I hate to give up now…”

“It’s OK. Just come back.” He gave me a tentative smile. “Where else are you going to go? It’s your home.”

“I have options.” I said. I hugged him…it was as stiff and welcoming as I expected it to be, so it was short. “I think…I think I’ll take a rain check.”

“Dad’s frozen your cards…”

“I know!” I said cheerfully.

“What are you going to do? I don’t understand…I…”

This time, I petted him, and my “I know” was far more serious. I could never make him understand. He was as much a prisoner as I was, but no one saw enough in him to show him a way out. I started walking.

“Did he seduce you? Is that what this is?”

“Sadly, no.” I said over my shoulder.

As I walked, I took the pouch out. Under a street lamp I looked at it. A signet ring. Heavy. Old gold. I held it up to the light, and etched in the blood red ruby was a little devil’s head.

I knew where he was.

And I knew his name. I’d seen it — and the little sigil from the ring — enough times, researching the Midas’s Rainbow.

There is, if you know where to find it, a castle. It overlooks a formidable bay that had been the bane of many a ship, in the old days.

It looks abandoned. The land for a good distance around it is private, and it is very hard to get to. People at the closest town will tell you it is haunted by a man who sold his soul to the devil, and that he has lived there for hundreds of years. That his castle has a vault full of cursed treasure.

There are people there who will tell you the story with an almost mocking twist. And you — and I — both know that these are the people who have been paid, and paid well. To spread the legend. To bring in supplies. To try and dissuade lone women from walking the long, rutted path into the woods, to climb past rocks to the lonely castle over the ocean. To approach it, the red painted drawbridge bound in black iron.

There’s a door, set in the drawbridge. The knocker looks like the heraldic devil’s head in the ring I wear on a chain around my neck. No one answers my knock.

It does look abandoned. Quiet. But I hear a song, sung softly, and I walk around until I am in a garden.

I call his name, and when he turns, he laughs, a sound of relief as much as pleasure.

I drop my bag, my purse, and throw my arms around him. He crushes me to him, and I can barely whisper his name, over and over, and that I love him, I love him.

“Welcome to your home, my love,” he says, in a pause between kisses, “Thank you for coming to find me.”

The End.

(Unless the actual commercial gives me thots)

With extra, most loving thanks to the people who have been following this and loving it:

Thank you to you lovely people for being on my tag list, if you want added or dropped just let me know. <3

@grogusmum @mishasminion360 @hnt-escape @littlemisspascal @pedro4ever @writteninthestars18 @fromthedeskoftheraven @sharkbait77

@quica-quica-quica @eri16 @the-blind-assassin @ayoungpascallover-readings @songsformonkeys

#casillero diablo wine commercial #The Thief #pedro pascal #all my love and thanks to you.

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multimilfs · 4 years

Text

Lilith Clawthorne x Fem!Witch Reader: 5 Times the Elixir Worked + 1 Time You Needed Something a Little Stronger

Summary: An anon sent in “Lilith helping out her Cursed S/O? I guess being part of the Emperor’s Coven have its perks: like having access to the elixir your S/O desperately needs while trying to find a cure for both her S/O and sister.”

A/N: So this really got away from me. It was supposed to be simple, but man once I got started, I couldn’t stop. This gets really angsty at points, but it does end happily, I promise. Thank you for your suggestion, anon! I hope you love it!

Warning(s): Mild Body Horror, Blood Mention, Sickness

“Miss Y/N, can you help me with number four?” A little voice piped up next to you, making you look down.

A witchling with yellow hair and grey eyes looked up at you, a timid looking smile on her face. You gave her a bright smile of your own, crouching next to her.

“Of course I can, Emone, what are you struggling with?” You asked in a calm voice.

The girl, Emone, was explaining what she didn’t understand when you heard a few gasps from other students in the room. Curiously, you looked up from your focus on the girl’s paper, to see Lilith standing next to your desk. You hadn’t even heard the classroom door open.

“Emone, will you give me a moment to speak with Miss Clawthorne, I promise I will be back to help you. Work on the other questions while I’m gone, alright?”

“Of course, Miss Y/N!” The girl said, diving back into her work.

It was unusual to see your girlfriend during work hours. You were too busy teaching and she had lists of tasks to fulfill for the coven. Whatever had brought her here had to be serious. Giving your students a look that said ‘get back to work,’ you ushered her out into the hallway.

“What’s going on? Is everything alright?” You questioned her as soon as the door to the classroom was closed.

“Everything is fine, dear. I just came to bring you this - it fell out of your bag.” Lilith’s tone was calm as she pressed a familiar bottle into your palm.

The yellow elixir seemed to look back at you accusingly. You were very glad Lilith had noticed it, but angry at yourself for not being more careful. Who knows what could have occurred if she hadn’t brought it? The scenarios running through your head made you feel sick.

“Thank you.” You said, wincing at how you sounded nothing like yourself.

She intertwined her fingers with yours, squeezing lightly. It didn’t take a mind-reader to know what was going through your mind right now. You worried constantly about your curse, both of you did. But while Lilith was surrounded with witches capable of defending themselves, you worked with witchlings. It would be horrible.

Lilith had dropped a few hints about giving classes from one of the rooms in the Emperor’s Castle, but you hadn’t given them much attention. You loved Lilith, but you needed your own time and space sometimes. Teaching at Hexside was your escape. And you kept your curse under enough control that it wasn’t a serious issue right now.

“Don’t let me keep you from your students,” She said softly, drawing your gaze back to her’s, “We’ll talk later this evening.”

You nodded, giving her a slightly strained smile. It didn’t stop her from placing a gentle kiss on your lips before departing. As soon as she was around the corner, you chugged down the elixir, almost frantically.

Once you got your breathing under control, you tucked the bottle into your pocket, re-entering your classroom as if nothing had happened.

As soon as your eyes snapped open in the dark, you knew what was happening. The itchy, painful feeling underneath your skin and the deep pain in your chest. You tried to remember if you’d taken your elixir. Or enough of it, anyway. The pain overwhelmed your thoughts before you could remember.

You tried to sit up, immediately doubling over in pain, letting out a low groan. It didn’t matter if you’d taken enough. You needed more, now. Reaching out blindly, you tried to rouse Lilith from where she was sleeping beside you.

“Lil-” You groaned as tufts of feathers broke through your skin, “Lilith!”

The witch jolted, shooting up into a sitting position. She immediately conjured her staff, looking around with wide, frantic eyes.

“What? What’s wro-” She started, before she saw what was happening, “Oh Titan!”

In a way that was so un-Lilith like, she tumbled out of the bed, letting out an ‘oomph!’ before standing up. She ran out of the bedroom quickly. You’d kept your focus on her until she opened the bedroom door, blinding you momentarily with the light from the living space. Not having something to focus on drew your attention back to your body.

The fingers on your left hand were lengthening, the joints letting out sickening cracks. Your skin felt like it was going to rip with the way it had to stretch. Then came your nails, morphing into sharp talons, and slicing the skin as they extended from their normal length. One perk of being cursed was that you healed much quicker than the average witch, so the cuts left behind were quickly mended. The only evidence they’d been there was rapidly drying blood.

Even though you healed quicker, it didn’t stop the pain from being excruciating while it happened. And since you were trying to hold it all back, it was even worse. You let out a pitiful whine. It hurt so much. All you wanted to do was give in.

You were so careful to manage your curse, but you could never control what happened if you turned. It had only happened a handful of times. Usually either you or Lilith grabbed an elixir before it could fully overtake you. But the times you had… well, you didn’t remember them - but Lilith always looked grim after it happened. She would tell you that it was okay and that nobody was too seriously hurt. The worry in her eyes told a different story.

“Lilith!” You screamed, feeling the curse begin to fully take a hold on you.

The bones of your ribcage were slowly breaking as the curse rebuilt your frame. Shards of bone would shoot off of the breakage, imbedding itself in the skin of your insides. It felt like a million paper cuts focused in a single spot. You couldn’t hold it back anymore, you didn’t have nearly enough strength.

So you gave in.

You don’t know what happened next. All you could recall was your mouth being pried open mid-transformation, which you hadn’t liked at all, making you swipe with your transformed hand. Something wet had soaked into your feathers and then it all went black.

When you woke up, your body ached. It was still in the middle of the night and your senses were still heightened, so your transformation hadn’t occurred very long ago. But you noticed above all else that Lilith wasn’t in bed with you.

Though it went against everything your body wanted, you forced yourself out of bed. Where was Lilith? You wouldn’t be able to rest until you knew where she was and if she was alright.

Blinking against the harsh lights of the living space, the sound of running water from the kitchen let you know where she was. But you wanted to see her. To wrap yourself in her. After a transformation, you felt raw, and would cling very tightly to your girlfriend. She allowed it, pretending she didn’t enjoy the contact.

Instead of feeling warm at the sight of her, your stomach dropped. She was next to the kitchen sink wrapping gauze over a bloody gash on her arm. A gash that looked suspiciously like talon marks. You felt frozen.

“L-Lilith?” Your voice broke, watching her.

Her eyes snapped to yours, and though it was brief, the fear that went through her eyes made you feel sick. You gripped your stomach as it rolled.

“Darling, I’m fine,” She reassured, moving to your side swiftly, wrapping you in her arms, “I’m okay. Nothing a little gauze and time can’t fix.”

“I h-hurt you.” You sobbed out, trying to pull away from her. She wouldn’t have any of it.

“It only hurt in the moment. I’m okay now. I’m okay, you’re okay.” Lilith whispered into your ear, holding you tightly against her, “It’s over now.”

As the two of you stood in the kitchen, wrapped up in one another, you couldn’t help but wonder - was it really ever going to be over?

“Darling, you have to sit still.” Lilith said, amusement clear in her voice as she watched you squirm.

“Easy for you to say, Miss Coven Leader, you’re not being poked and prodded by needles.” You snarked back, shying away as another coven healer approached you.

“We won’t know if this works if you don’t sit still,” The witch reminded you, “Or would you rather continue drinking that putrid elixir?”

Your stomach turned at the thought of the elixir, sending a chill down your spine. Lilith noticed. She couldn’t help but smirk a little bit, knowing she was right.

The two of you were sitting in the medical bay of the Emperor’s Castle. In-between missions and being there with you, Lilith had been aiding the healers in finding a more potent elixir for your curse. Rather than a drinkable one though, they created one that could be injected. They hoped it would be more potent since it went directly into your bloodstream. And though you wouldn’t admit it, you were hoping so too.

It wasn’t just that you hated the taste of the elixir - it was much better than the alternative, after all - But the curse had been evolving and the elixir didn’t seem to do the trick anymore. So you had both been a little frantic in finding something else. The current potion they were working on was the strongest contender so far. Using samples of your blood, it had been the most successful in holding the curse at bay. On a small scale.

That’s why Lilith was standing ready with a few elixirs, just in case it didn’t work. She was confident that it would, but you’d asked her to have them, just to be safe. And she could never say no to you.

“Let them inject the serum.” Lilith said when you dodged the needle for the second time.

“That’s a really big needle!” You whined, trying to give her a sad look. She didn’t budge.

“What will get you to sit still?”

“Something really nice, for a needle like that.”

“Oh, I can think of something…” Lilith practically purred. You blinked, stunned by the change. So stunned that you missed the look she gave the healer before leaning in to whisper in your ear, “If you sit there like a good girl, I promise I’ll make it well worth your while.. Later.”

You were sure that your face and ears had gone bright red. That certainly wasn’t an offer you were going to refuse. So you nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Alright. I’m ready.” You said.

“Um, I already gave it to you, Miss Y/N.” The healer said awkwardly, looking between you and Lilith.

Furrowing your brows, you looked down at your arm. She was telling the truth. A pretty pink bandaid was stuck to your skin where the needle was supposed to go in. And the feeling under your skin had stopped. It’d worked. Despite that, you looked up at Lilith with a scowl.

“You tricked me.” You accused.

“I never tricked you, merely distracted you.”

“But what about…”

“Oh darling, you know I always keep my promises.” Lilith said, giving you a languid smile.

Swallowing roughly, you avoided her eyes. Your face felt hot again. The needles made have sucked, but it was going to be so worth it.

“What did you all get for number three, class?”

The ten students looked down at their papers, then at one another. It confused you. Normally they would jump at the chance to answer the question for you.

“Um, you only told us to do one and two, Miss Y/N.” Braxas spoke up from where he was seated.

Oh.

“Of course, you’re right. Thank you, Braxas.” You smiled, trying to hide your embarrassment. Little things like that had been slipping your mind a lot, so they didn’t seem to react very strongly.

Looking at your watch, it was about time for the lesson to end anyway. Their ride back to Hexside was probably outside, anyway.

“I’d like you all to do question three before class tomorrow. You are all dismissed for the day.” You said kindly, watching as they all nodded, packing their things up.

When the last student had left the room, you allowed yourself to slump down into your chair. Exhaustion had been creeping up on you all day. Since the new treatment for your curse had been proven to work, you’d also learned that there were some serious side effects. It stole a lot of your energy and made it difficult for you to keep food down, so you’d lost a lot of weight. Doing anything for long periods of time was difficult and exhausting.

As a result, Lilith had arranged for you to teach your classes from the castle. That way you didn’t have to go too far and you had access to all of the best care within the building. It had been a good idea. Not that you’d tell Lilith that. You were still a little upset that she’d made such a change without consulting you first, even if it was the safest option.

You let out a heavy sigh. That had been your last class of the day, thank the Titan, but you didn’t have any energy to spare. And you really needed to get back to your room before someone noticed you were still there - or worse - Lilith found you like this. She would be so worried and that was the last thing she needed right now.

Summoning every last speck of energy in your reserves, you moved yourself into a standing position. Though you immediately had to lean against the desk as your vision blurred. That wasn’t good. You tried to take a step, but your right knee gave you, forcing you to hold yourself up using your staff.

Your palisman, a lovely little owl named Stara, animated herself to look down at you worriedly. She nudged slightly at you, giving a concerned coo. You reached up to scratch at her feathers lightly. Logically, you knew there was no way you could get back to your quarters like this.

“Stara, I need you to go get Lilith, please.” You sighed, sitting back down with a wince. It was the last thing you wanted to do, but it was necessary. The owl let out a chirp before gliding out of the room.

Even though you’d sat down, your head was still spinning. You put your head down on the desk. If it didn’t stop the dizziness, at least it would keep you from getting sick. That was the last thing you needed right now.

The gentle flutter of wings alerted you to Stara’s return, followed by the clicking of heeled boots you knew very well. Lilith let out a worried little noise when she reached the doorway. You waved to let her know you were okay, but you didn’t raise your head from the desk.

“Darling?” She said softly, kneeling next to you, “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t walk.” You mumbled out, though it came out garbled because of the way you were positioned.

“I’m sorry?”

“I can’t walk.” You snapped, raising your head.

It felt humiliating to admit and tears were burning at your eyes. You didn’t want to be weak like this. The new treatment kept the curse at bay, but you didn’t know if your body would ever adjust to it like it had the elixirs. You couldn’t keep getting weaker. The healers said that it would continue to eradicate the curse, but you worried it’d take you before it got there.

You felt horrible for snapping at Lilith. She’d been nothing but loving and supportive throughout all of it, but losing the only bit of control you had was difficult. It was horrible looking into the mirror and not knowing who was looking back at you. You were terrified that one day Lilith would wake up and do the same thing; look at you and not know who you were. She was a beautiful, powerful witch and she could have anyone. You couldn’t understand why she stuck with you.

“Alright, darling, let me help you stand. We can fly back and I’ll hold you steady.” Lilith said casually, knowing that making a fuss would make you feel worse.

It hurt her to see you so weak, so sick. She often wondered if it was her fault; she’d been the one to mastermind your new treatment, after all. You were losing so much so rapidly. So much weight. So much mobility. So much freedom. It felt like she’d taken it from you and it broke her heart. Your body was supposed to adjust to this, but it was taking a while. She promised herself that if things got any worse, they would move you back to elixirs, while they worked on something else.

Sitting on your staff, she found a way to perch you on it as well, so that you would lean against her. She tried not to let how light you were get to her.

“Is this acceptable?” She asked softly. You nodded tiredly, not having enough energy to open your mouth to speak.

It was easy enough to maneuver your way through the halls of the castle. Conveniently, it was early enough in the day that most people were still working, meaning nobody witnessed your trip back to your quarters. Even if you hadn’t been awake enough to notice, she knew you’d worry about it later. You hated being seen in such a state.

She was careful to place you in bed comfortably, kissing your forehead gently. As she went to wrap the blankets around you, though, she noticed your nails lengthening slowly. Not having the heart to give you another injection right now, she grabbed one of the elixirs you still kept around.

“Darling,” Lilith said softly, shaking you just enough to wake you slightly, “Your body is trying to transform, so I’m going to give you some elixir right now, okay?”

“‘Kay.” You muttered, opening your mouth expectantly.

Pouring the golden liquid down your throat, she watched with a relieved expression as your nails went back to normal, the curse at bay for now. Feeling almost as exhausted as you looked, she laid next to you. You snuggled into her arms easily. Nothing could keep you away.

“Oh, my dearest, you look beautiful.” Lilith sighed out, looking awestruck.

You blushed, smiling brightly as you twirled. The new dress you’d bought for the occasion flowed elegantly as you spun. It was a brilliant sage green, bringing out your eyes.

“Do you think so?” You asked, teasingly.

“You know I do,” She purred, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you close. With a smirk, she nipped lightly at your ear, “I might have to make a few excuses and put you on bed rest for the day.”

The smile that blossomed on your face was bright and happy. Happier than it had been in months. It warmed her from the inside-out to see.

“You can’t call it bed rest if I’m not resting, Miss Clawthorne.” You quipped, placing a quick kiss on her lips.

“Nobody needs to know that part.”

“As much as I would love to play hooky with you today, this is too important. But we can revisit this when I get back.”

“We’ll do much more than revisit it,” Lilith flirted shamelessly, capturing your lips in a kiss that made your knees weak, “Enjoy your day, my dearest.”

“I will.” You smiled.

Grabbing your bag and your staff, you walked out into the hallway with a pep in your step. After the episode where you couldn’t walk, you’d woken up noticeably more energetic the next morning. It turned out that mixing the elixir and the treatment was the perfect combination. And as the weeks had passed, you regained your strength and freedom.

You still had low-energy days, but they were few and far between now. Any other time, you could dance circles around even the healthiest witches. Lilith couldn’t have been more proud of your progress. You couldn’t be more proud of yourself. It had taken a lot of work to get to where you were. But you wouldn’t trade any of it.

All of it had paid off and today was your first day back to teaching at Hexside. You were so excited to be in the halls again, surrounded by your students and peers. It had been so long since you’d been there.

When you got about halfway down the hallway, you absentmindedly went to itch your arm, only to find a few feathers there. Oops. That was another side affect of your treatment combination; the transformations weren’t painful anymore. You’d even been working on controlling them, though you always needed the elixir to bring you out of it. But progress was progress.

Hurrying back to your quarters, you swung into the room, grabbing the elixir. Lilith looked up, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Forgot to take my elixir, but I got it! I’m really off this time. I love you!” You said, giving her another quick kiss, before downing the elixir and leaving.

As you took off for Hexside with a bright smile on your face, Lilith’s loving gaze followed you from the window until you were completely out of sight.

“Damn it, Y/N, listen! It’s me!” Lilith yelled.

This was not what she’d imagined for her afternoon.

It had been fine to start. You both had the afternoon free of work, deciding to go out for lunch - as a treat. With you going back to work and Lilith catching up on her own, personal time had been a little limited. So you intended to make the best of it.

Or you had, anyway.

Lunch had been lovely. There was a new restaurant that opened across the isles and Lilith had surprised you with a reservation. Not that you had been there very long. About half-way through your meal, Lilith had dropped a few hints of returning home for some more… adult activities. You weren’t going to say no to that.

But your luck seemed to have run out, as you ran into none other than Odalia Blight outside of the castle. You didn’t remember what she said, but it had been enough to make you lose your cool.

As you’d been working on controlling your curse and transformations, your emotions had been constantly fluctuating. They meant the difference between a good transformation and a bad one. And the combination of Odalia’s words, plus the lack of your elixir for the day, had created this - a giant, angry owl-beast going on the offensive outside of the Emperor’s Castle.

“Get a hold of yourself, Y/N!” Odalia yelled from behind a barrier she’d created, only serving to make you angrier. You lunged, clawing at her barrier, jumping back in pain when it shocked you.

Lilith rolled her eyes. Of course Odalia would cause this and then continue to make it worse. Her mind was assessing the situation rapidly. She couldn’t get close enough to give you any elixir, which was really her only hope. But you had been working hard to control the owl beast. She hoped that you had enough control to not gut her.

“Get out of here, Odalia!” Lilith yelled, before taking a chance and walking out in front of you, unarmed and defenseless.

Your beast form tilted its head, looking confused. Lilith felt familiar to you, but how? You didn’t get the chance to find out. Odalia caught your attention and you lunged once more, going to wrap a claw around her form.

Before you could snatch the woman up, Lilith was there in front of you. You stopped dead in your tracks. One part of you was screaming to continue your task, but the other was focused on not hurting the witch in front of you. The internal debate gave Lilith enough time to let Odalia get out of the way.

“Y/N, look at me,” Lilith cooed, speaking in a gentle, soothing tone, “You know who I am. My darling, I need you to transform back for me. Can you do that?”

Once more, you tilted your head, letting out a confused cooing noise. Lilith’s soothing tones relaxed you, allowing your conscious mind to finally break through your cursed mind. And with an extreme amount of focus, you felt yourself transform back, growing back to your normal height and build.

“Lilith?” You said, holding your pounding head.

“I’m here. You did so well, my dearest.” Lilith said, pulling you into her, “So well.”

“My head hurts.” You whined.

“I know. Let me get you inside.”

Lilith helped you into the castle, back to your living space. She settled you in gently, going around and securing everything, before joining you. It would still be difficult in the future to work with your curse and overcome it fully, but you had time. Time, and the love of a very determined witch.

#lilith clawthorne #lilith x reader #the owl house #lilith clawthorne x reader #lilith toh #the owl house x reader #lilith the raven lady #lilith the owl house #the owl house imagine #odalia blight #wlw #wlw imagine #lilith clawthorne x fem reader #oct2020 #multimilfswritings

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koushisatori · 3 years

Text

Surprise

kuroo x f!reader

genre: birthday fluff

warnings: none

word count: 2.3k

note: I made it !! Happy Birthday to you, Kuroo ! <3 - Also I’ll beta it later when i’m home from university, bc it’s 3 am here, oops x.x

Kuroo wasn’t jealous, really because logically there was no reason to be

You were his girlfriend and you did not mind sudden Hollywood blockbuster worthy kisses when he got a spurt of…possessiveness towards you

He is in no way overbearing or anything, both of you share the opinion that even though you’re a couple you don’t have to be together all the time, spend afternoons with your friends

Then again, you two spend quite a lot of time together, with you being the Volleyball Clubs manager, always staying behind with your team when they practiced way past the official clubs' training's hours

But sometimes he woke up and felt the need to have you all to himself

On those days a slightly lingering gaze by other would irk him enough to permanently glue himself to your side or back

Because of the rareness of that situation, you generally give into that specific mood and take him either with you if you had plans or adapt to whatever your handsome boyfriend seemed fit

(usually, it consists of getting snacks from the store to make watching movies more fun after you both finished your homework. And also cuddles. Lots and lots and lots of cuddling and kisses.)

Anyway, normally he’s a super laid back, relaxed, and ‘’the best boyfriend in the world, right, baby?’’

Kuroo was happy with being ‘’a bit (big times) nerdy’’ as kenma liked to remark, liked that things had their reasons and were logically intelligible

Well…he quickly realized that, while emotions were chemically explainable this also was as far as logic was helpful with them

Sooo…there was no reasonable excuse for him to feel that ugly burning in his chest watching you ruffle through Lev’s hair and giggle so cutely

But it was his birthday, and you should be all over HIM because HE was YOUR boyfriend and in general, maybe he had one of those not so great days bc not only did he get stuck in his bedsheets and face planted to the ground first thing in the morning but his breakfast toast also landed with its face on the kitchen floor just after he put away all the things he used

You were…not avoiding him but kind of distant with your thoughts

At lunch, he was telling you something you’d usually find at least funny if not hilarious because your humor was so fantastically similar to his, but all you did was smile lightly

You even whispered with Yaku instead of talking to him !! how dare you

Rest in peace, Kuroo (you will survive one day with a bit less attention of your s/o)

He wasn’t jealous of Lev or thought that you suddenly developed feelings for the younger boy

He was jealous because that tall child hoarded all of your attention, while you had looked at him maybe twice, three times tops, in the last hour

‘’Kuroo.’’ To the untrained ear the small setters voice as passive as usual. Kuroo though is able to easily distinguish the various different layers of Kozume Kenma’s very real, emotional bandwidth. The captain did hear Kenma and his questioning as well as slightly worried tone, he simply chooses to not react in favor of shooting (barely) decently hidden death glares at the to-tall-for-his-own-good-boy.

‘’Kuroo.’’ The slight change in his childhood friend's voice was enough for the black-haired player to grudgingly turn away from you and Lev to look at Kenma.

‘’Yes.’’ Tetsurou huffs out, giving his best to not sound like a petulant child. ‘’You’re so dumb.’’ Kenma said dryly, definitely analyzing him. The questioning sound leaving Kuroo was close to embarrassing, a quick cough and back straightening later, he adds ‘’You wound me. Right here.’’ While pressing his hand flat against his chest. ‘’Where’s my understanding childhood friend to put balm on my hurting heart by sharing emotionally charged, empathic words with me?’’

Instead of offering the desired words, the smaller boy rolls his eyes before he averts them to his hand-held gaming console. ’’Can you put that thing away, we’re at practice Kenma.’’ Kuroo all but unintentionally whined.

Everything was stressing him out today. Usually, his childhood friend at least stuck to the general rule of not using it outside the breaks. But obviously, there was a plot against him going on with the goal to annoy him more than usual because, of course, why not doing it on his damn birthday. Nice friends and their nice presents.

Just like Kuroo did mere minutes before, Kenma decided to simply…ignore his request half voiced as some kind of instruction. Well…things didn’t work like they were supposed to, he didn’t feel like arguing with his friend so he let him be for now. Rather than that, he turned back to you and Lev, who – for once – seemed eager to train his digging and passing game because you threw the volleyball for him to dive after.

‘’Where in freaking hell is Yaku…’’ Kuroo muttered grumpily, before repeating louder ‘’Yaku! Why am I the only third…Noboyuki!’’These definitely aren’t my friends, he thought while finally giving in to his deepest desire of ripping you away from the grey-haired future wannabe ace.

‘’You truly are dense when it comes to (Y/N),’’ Kenma says, moving away towards the benches, before swerving around them to leave for the clubroom. ‘’The definition of tunnel vision.’’

The thing is, Kuroo heard Kenma say it, but his brain refused to acknowledge them, too focused on finally being in the spotlight of your focus.

Meanwhile, you were watching your dark-haired boyfriend closer than he realized. You carried the whole plan. Or rather your ability to make him lose focus on anything that isn’t you, with just the right amount of addressing the slight possessive side of his and deprivation of your attention.

Even though all of this was just so the others could fulfill their part of the plan, you hate how it led him to mope around the whole day. It was so hard to not laugh about his stupid science joke at lunch and overall, not tell him all day how glad you were that he was born. This is his special day, why wouldn’t you tell him how much you loved his presence and his annoyingly attractive smirk? If not for the others and them begging and bribing you, you would smooch his kissable cheeks, nose, forehead, and lips all day long to honor this special date.

You are an amazing and emphatic girlfriend, so…of course, you realize that his mood in general is rather on the bad side today. He wants you close and to himself, and you did the complete opposite! Tetsurou would absolutely give you an ear full later when he finally understood the whole plan.

Nonetheless, it is kind of cute how he tried to hide that he was sulking. Your big baby of a boyfriend was currently trying to kill poor Lev with his gaze alone, staring holes into the back of his head all the while directing puppy dog eyes at you to relent and come over.

Usually, your Tetsurou was the perfect team captain. Attentive, clever, strategical, and just the right amount of authoritarian and approachable. But with his mind stuck on questioning why you were being weird to him on his birthday, he had yet to realize that through the whole time of today’s practice all of his teammates inexplicably went missing for about 15 minutes before they either sneaked back in (the first years and some of the second years) or openly announced a little too detailed information on how, for example, the bathroom visit has been absolutely necessary and could not be postponed.

The only problem: Lev wasn’t allowed to know of the plan until a second beforehand to not accidentally spoil the surprise out of pure excitement to surprise his Kuroo-senpai.

When you see your better half starting to approach the two of you, yelling for his vice-captain and the libero simultaneously, you whisper ‘’Lev, when I say now, you have to start running okay and call for Yaku. Ask him to practice your receives as loud as you can, and take off over to the clubroom as fast as possible, alright? Also, please don’t fall, we don’t need a bloody and broken nose, Tetsu is pissed enough already. Please do it for me, okay?’’ It was a bit unfair of you to look at him hopefully like that, but as the team manager, you posessed a certain power none of the other third years had over the younger players.

Just a moment before Kuroo got the chance to grab the clueless middle blockers shirt collar, you voice out a hushed ‘’Now!’’. You immediately look up innocently to your boyfriend and finally put the warm smile on your lips that wanted to sit there since your eyes fell on him the first time this morning. ‘’Tetsu...is everything okay?’’ - ‘’Yaku-senpai, please help me with my receives!’’

‘’Lev never asks for receiving practice...’’ is…not the thing you wanted your boyfriend to say. Panicking that he might find out now, still a bit too early, you do the only thing that you know WILL take his mind off of it. You cup his cheek with your hands and pull him down to press your lips against his.

His reaction was immediate, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you so close to him that not even a feather would fit between the two of you. Getting into the spontaneous moment, you happily loop your arms around his neck, smiling softly into the kiss.

Yeah...you definitely had missed that.

When you break apart, he pecks your lips a few additional times for good measure before he bends down even more to bury his face in your neck, enjoying how your fingers softly stroke through and play with his hair, in all the right ways, helping him to relax for the first time in hours. ‘’Baby,…’’ he murmurs against your skin ‘’…no one is training the way they should, let’s just ditch practice. We get a cake from the bakery down the street and eat it in bed, okay?’’

For the second time today, you feel bad. Your boyfriend's voice sounds tired and that was not how a birthday boy was supposed to sound. With his face in your neck, you were able though to watch the entrance. They should come in any second now. You feel tempted to give into Tetsurou’s wishes.

Can they hurry up?!

The thought desperately shoots through your head, because even though he was currently not paying attention to anything but recharging and breathing you in, Kuroo is way too perceptive to not get behind the ruckus going on in the gym the whole afternoon.

‘’We can cuddle later, Tetsu, I promise my whole afternoon is all for you. If you want I can even sleep over.’’ Your soothing words made his invisible cat ears prick up and listen interested. You knew that, from the moment you both enter the comfort of his home, he would drape himself over you for permanent, never-ending cuddles. The only reason for him to let go of you - unwillingly so - will be you whining about having to use the bathroom. For everything else, you would have to carry a (nearly) dead weight of the size and weight of your boyfriend everywhere.

‘’I haven’t heard Tora for a while now….’’ The raven-haired middle blocker mumbles, and your heart picks up some speed again.

Looking for words you stammer some intangible syllables, which lead Kuroo to look up, suspicion swirling in his hazel eyes. ‘’Baby…what’s wrong?’’ he asks, cocking his head to the side, watching you like a cat its prey. Quickly waving your hands in front of you, you hastily answer a ‘’Nothing.’’ And try to smile away the panic.

Before he got the chance to repeat his question and pry it out of you, the gym darkens, and you breathe out a sigh of relief. Just on time. With the door opening a little source of light illuminates his teammate's faces with his closest friends at the front. Yaku holding a cake stabbed with 18 sparklers, and Nobuyuki holding an unholy amount of the ugliest birthday ballons you had ever seen. All of them together slaughtering the happy birthday song in such a passionate manner, that you could see yourself being able to forgive them the torture they put you through in the near future.

‘’Come one, birthday boy.’’ You say with a loving smile, and grab his hand to pull him to the rest of the group.

The moment the lights flicker back on and everyone is cheering out loud one last time. You realize belated that Kuroo (intended) and you (unintended) were besieged with confetti and glitter. (You, until this day, suspect Yamamoto who looked a bit too innocent for your taste.)

‘’All of that…for me?’’ Kuroo questions, his gorgeous eyes shining tell telling in the remaining light of the sparkles. Following his words, Kenma takes a small step forward quickly handing over a small book – filled with birthday wishes, pictures that were taken with each and all of them, inside jokes and doodles - just to move out of the spotlight again as quickly as he jumped into it. ‘’Surprise, Tetsu.’’ You say with a sweet smile, that makes him move closer to you to gift himself a taste of your lips.

Before things get to turn mushy and emotional, a chant of Cake! Cake! Cake! – started by Lev and Tora, joined by everyone, disrupts the moment the two of you had.

‘’Okay, okay! I hear the will of the people, I’ll submit to it!’’ Kuroo gives in laughing. ‘’But…’’ a theatrical moment of silence ‘’I want to cut the cake with (Y/N) together!’’ Your boyfriend proudly announces, and, to his delight, you blush furiously. Yakus laughing remark of ‘’Oi, Kuroo, this is not your wedding, you know!’’ was followed by various joking wolf whistles and some hollering. You didn’t know how you ended up being in the center of attention together with him, but when Tetsuro easily replies ’’Well, I need to perfect this skill it for the real ceremony after party one day.’’ You knew that you wouldn’t want to be somewhere else.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #Haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #kuroo x reader #nekoma x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!!

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plaidbooks · 3 years

Note

I was going to request a Nick fic, but I see you have a lot coming up so I’ll chill ☺️ Instead can I request a Rafael one where him and Liv actually do have some sort of secret thing going on, but reader starts as a new detective with SVU and her and Rafael have an instant connection.

To Love Again

A/N: Heya Anon--never feel hesitant about sending in a request! Even if I’m backed up on someone, I’ll gladly take any request haha!. Anyways, this got...a lot more angst than I meant for it to, whoops. I hop you enjoy (and there’s a small possibility for this to get a sequel, depending on inspiration).

This also jumps perspective, between Rafi and reader. Just a heads-up.

Tags: implied smut, angst with a happy? ending, mentions of sexual assault (no details given), alcohol

Words: 2650

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @dianilaws

It had started one drunken night, by mutual agreement, after a rough case and an even rough loss. Rafael and Olivia had gone out for drinks, to take the edge off after getting back the “not guilty” verdict. To show that they weren’t mad at each other. To show that they could work through the arguments and disagreements they had through the whole trial, the whole case. And the night had ended with Rafael waking up in Olivia’s bed. It was awkward at first, but they had talked about it; they cared for each other, but not in that way. It was simply…stress relief. And it didn’t happen again. Not until another rough loss, about two months later.

“We’re both single adults—we’re being safe about it. Who cares?” Olivia had said one day, and Rafael had agreed. Like they said, they cared about each other. Just not in that way. Who cares if they found relief in each other’s bodies once in a blue moon? It didn’t go beyond that, which was fine with Rafael; his heart was too shriveled up for a relationship, anyways. This was simpler, easier.

**********************

There was a knock on his office door late in the afternoon. Glancing up, he called out for whoever it was to enter, curious as to who was coming to meet with him. He had no appointments at this time, though it wasn’t rare that people stopped by for one thing or another. He quirked an eyebrow though as you entered his office; he had never seen you before.

“Mr. Barba? I’m here to drop off some signed statements from the Jackson case, and to pick up a warrant for Wilson’s apartment,” you said shyly, coming to stand in front of his desk. You held the paperwork out to him, and he took it from you, that eyebrow still raised. You swallowed nervously as his bright green eyes roamed over your face.

“And who are you?” Rafael asked. His voice was light, a conversational tone.

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. “Oh! Detective [Y/L/N]; I just started with SVU a few days ago. Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself,” you replied, smiling sheepishly and holding out your hand.

His lips twitched up at the corners, and he took your hand, shaking it. Olivia had told him that she was getting a new detective soon, but he didn’t know she already did. Nor that you would look so….

“You said the Wilson warrant, correct?” Rafael asked, pulling his hand back, flipping through files.

“That’s the one.” You watched his fingers run over the pages on his desk, flicking through the paper. Your face grew warmer as you thought about what those fingers would feel like against your skin, moving down your body, pushing under your pants….

“Ah, here it is,” he said, breaking you out of your lewd thoughts. He passed the folded warrant to you, and you thanked him, face now completely on fire. His eyes were sparkling with mischief, as if he knew exactly where your mind had been. “Would you like to get a nightcap with me tonight, Detective? Get to know each other a little better?”

Your breath hitched. “I-I’d like that very much,” you replied, smiling at him. “I’m off at 8 tonight. Is that alright?”

Rafael nodded. “Of course. Meet me at Forlini’s after you’re off.”

You turned to leave, warrant in hand, then you remembered that your new business cards had come in, with your personal cell phone number on it. Taking one from your pocket, you handed it to Rafael. “Here’s my number…if I’m late, feel free to text. I’m the new kid, so don’t be surprised it I get stuck with OT,” you laughed, and he smirked, tucking the card into his pocket.

***********************

You made it to Forlini’s shortly after you got off; no OT, not tonight. Rafael was already sitting at the bar, a glass of amber liquid in front of him. His suit jacket was off, hanging over the back of his chair. His sleeves were rolled up, showing off his forearms, and you had a moment to stare before he turned and saw you heading over towards him.

“Detective,” Rafael greeted, nodding towards you, a grin on his face. “What are you drinking?”

“Ah, vodka cranberry. I’m on call tonight, so only one drink for me,” you smiled back at him. You could hold your liquor well enough that one drink wouldn’t kill you. But that was it; you didn’t want to mess anything up, especially this early in your new career as detective. You worked too hard to get here.

Rafael nodded in acknowledgement. “Fair enough.” He waved down the bartender, ordering your drink onto his tab.

“Thank you,” you said, to both the bartender and Rafael as you were handed your drink. You both sat in silence, sipping your drinks, eyeing each other. Rafael was, well, attractive. You had heard about him, of course; when Olivia had sent you to get a warrant earlier that evening, everyone in the department had a warning for you about his sass, his sarcasm. But he seemed nice enough, and those eyes…those forearms…those fingers….

“What made you decide to go for SVU?” he asked, bringing your attention back to him.

“I’ve, uh, I’ve always wanted to help people. And so many of my friends were…assaulted when I was younger, back before we knew what the word meant. I’ve seen firsthand what it can do…what it does to people. And if I can help even one person reclaim their life, then it’s all worth it.” You didn’t mean to go so in depth, but once you started talking, you realized you couldn’t stop. And something about Rafael seemed…comforting. Like you wanted to tell him your whole life story. Maybe that’s why his conviction record was so high.

He nodded along with you, his eyes boring into you, watching you intently. “That’s a noble cause. You do realize that there’s a lot of grey areas in this job, though, right? And that the justice system doesn’t always win out?” He said it matter-of-factly, his voice unwavering. But there was a slight sadness underneath, tinting his eyes as he said it.

“I-I know…. We won’t always get our guy. We won’t always win. But the fight is worth it, if only to validate the victims, to put the behavior in the spotlight, to make it easier for the next victim,” you sighed, “because there will always be another victim.”

Rafael noticed how your voice had changed and decided to go for a lighter topic. “So, who’s your partner?”

“Uh, Fin, so he can keep an eye on me. And also Carisi—he tells me it’s because it’s getting colder and Fin doesn’t want to leave the warmth of the precinct,” you answered, smiling slightly.

“Stuck with Fordham, huh? I don’t know how you’re going to stay sane with him. He’s started shadowing me, and I already have a headache just thinking about it.”

You laughed, and Rafael chuckled. “Come on, he’s not that bad. A little excitable…. That’s cool that he’s shadowing you, though. Getting some hands-on experience.”

“Yeah, cool for him. Though, I have to admit, he has some…decent points every now and again,” Rafael conceded. Then, he gave you a sharp look, “you are to never tell him that I said that.”

**********************

Conversation flowed easily between you two, and you ended up staying much later than you thought at Forlini’s, simply chatting with the counselor. You switched to water after your one drink, making sure you had a clear mind in case you were called in. But by 11pm, you still hadn’t received a call, and you were getting tired.

“I think I should head home…I got work in the morning,” you said reluctantly. You didn’t want to leave; you were having a lot of fun with Rafael. You had no idea why the other detectives had warned you about him.

“I’ll walk you out,” Rafael replied, finishing his drink and waving the bartender down. You waited while he paid, thanking him again for your drink. And then he was leading you out of the bar, his hand on your lower back, sending electricity through you.

“Thank you for tonight, Rafael; I had a lot of fun talking with you,” you smiled at him.

He grinned back at you, waving down a cab for you. “I had a good time, too. I’m excited to work with you.” A cab pulled up, and he opened the door for you. You brushed past him, and he grabbed your elbow, turning you back to him. His lips were suddenly on yours, the kiss gentle, innocent. You froze for a moment before you kissed him back, savoring the taste, the feel of him against you. Pulling back, you both looked at each other, panting slightly. It took your brain a moment to catch up to what just happened, and now that it did, you panicked, mumbling a goodnight, and climbing into the taxi, leaving Rafael standing on the sidewalk.

*************************

He wasn’t sure what had come over him, what had possessed him to kiss you in front of Forlini’s. This was…different than what he had with Olivia. With Liv, it was all stress that was shoved down, down until it burst out of both of them. There were no feelings when it came to sleeping with Liv, just primal urges, actions. But sitting in Forlini’s, talking to you, Rafael felt….

That was just the problem, wasn’t it? Rafael felt, something that hasn’t happened in so long, he almost forgot what it meant to feel, what it…felt like. And you had returned the kiss! But then, before he could even attempt a next step—whether it was an apology or inviting himself over to your place, even he wasn’t sure—your eyes had gone wide with surprise, and you had fled. And now, Rafael was at a loss for what to do. He had your number; should he call you? Text? Should he apologize? Or should he lay on the charm, try and slip into your pants, your bed? And what the fuck was he going to tell Liv? Sorry, we can’t sleep together anymore cause I’m fucking your new detective? But that wasn’t even true yet! Sighing, he went back into Forlini’s, ordering another drink.

************************

Thankfully, one of these situations had fixed themselves…though, it still fucking hurt. Olivia had come into Rafael’s office late one night, a few days after the incident at Forlini’s, closing and locking the door—the tell-tale sign that they were going to discuss some…personal matters.

“We can’t do this anymore, Rafa,” Liv had murmured, her voice soft. Even in his secluded office, the walls had ears. And while she was being vague on purpose, Rafael understood immediately.

“What’s changed?” he asked idly. He wasn’t…mad, but he was a little surprised, and hurt. He had enjoyed having a warm body in his bed, rather than his hand.

“I’ve…” Olivia dropped her voice lower, and Rafael had to strain her ears to hear her. “I’ve started seeing someone.” Rafael nodded, keeping his face neutral. He was happy for his friend; she deserved someone who loved her, cared for her. But he couldn’t stop the jealousy that cropped up. Not so much at her, but at the fact that she had found someone.

“Well, it was fun while it lasted,” Rafael smirked, going back to the motion he was currently filling out. He thought back to the kiss with you, and his heart constricted.

“Are we okay?” Liv asked, her voice low.

Rafael glanced up at her, his eyes softening. “Of course, we are. I’ll always care about you, Liv. And I’m happy you found someone.”

Olivia nodded once, her hand rubbing Rafael’s shoulder lovingly, before she left his office. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, your card, and typed in your number.

************************

You didn’t know why you answered your phone when an unknown number called, nor why you gave him your address when you learned it was Rafael. You weren’t entirely sure why you let him into your apartment when he showed up 20 minutes later, nor why you opened the bottle of spice rum when he asked if you had alcohol. But the most confounding thing to you was when he kissed you again, you didn’t stop him. In fact, you escalated it, pulling his shirt off.

Groaning as you woke up, you froze as you felt strong arms around your naked body, a warm chest against your back, a heavy breath tickling your neck. Oh fuck, you didn’t…no way. But the soreness between your legs, your naked body against his, and your memories of the night prior were slowly coming back to you, and you grimaced. You were not the type of person to sleep with someone you had just met, drunk or not. It didn’t matter that you found him attractive, or that from what you remembered, the sex was phenomenal. This wasn’t you, so what happened?

“Morning,” Rafael’s voice was still thick with sleep, husky in your ear. His lips brushed over your shoulder, his arms tugging you tighter against him.

“Uh, morning Rafael,” you replied softly. But he heard the hesitance in your voice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his breath warm on your skin.

You sighed, rolling over to look at him. “This…I don’t know how to say this…” you trailed off, and he furrowed his brow. “I’m…I don’t just…sleep around with people….”

Realization swept over his face. “Oh. I’m…I’m sorry. You seemed…you seemed okay with it last night. And I used a condom—”

“No, I’m not blaming you, I promise.” You sighed, looking away. The sadness, the regret on his face was too much for you to bare. “I mean…I like you, Rafael, but I don’t know you.”

In the softest voice, he said, “this is…this is all I know. I’m so sorry.” He rolled over, pulling away from you. He got out of bed, moving around your room, grabbing his clothes, and pulling on articles of clothing as he went.

You watched in silence, your heart breaking. What did that mean? “I’d like to, though…know you, that is.” Rafael turned to look at you, his brow furrowed once more. “But let’s take it slow, go out on a date or two, learn about each other.”

“A date?”

You smiled softly at him. “You have been on a date, right?” you joked.

“…not in many, many years.”

Your smile faded and your heart strained for the man—that kiss at Forlini’s and last night made so much more sense now. You wondered when the last time he felt genuine love was…and how badly it must’ve ended for him to be this broken over it.

“Then I’ll remind you. We’ll go slow, take baby steps…that is, if you want,” you said.

Rafael nodded, his head barely moving, and he blinked away the tears that threatened to form. “I’d like that. You’ll…you’ll have to be patient with me,” he warned.

“Lucky for you, I have all the patience of a detective,” you grinned, and his lips twitched upwards. “Let’s start with lunch. Today work for you?”

He nodded once more, then left your room to let you dress. This could work; you’d teach the counselor about love again, let the walls around his heart down, let him feel again. Rafael was, of course, afraid of being hurt again; he felt like his heart still wasn’t fully put back together. But after this many years, he alone obviously wasn’t enough for the job. Maybe he needed someone else to help. And he trusted you, more than he thought he could after everything he’s gone through throughout his life, especially since you had just met. Sure, he was terrified about all of this. But for you…for you, he was willing to try.

#rafael barba x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #fanfic #my writing #the slightest bit of barson #but not a focus and it ends p quickly #Anonymous

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sunseteyes · 4 years

Text

HOW FAR I’LL LET GO FOR YOUR WORLD

theme/s: moana, frozen, and little mermaid inspired. the story of a queen and a prince who lived in two different worlds. which one would let go of their throne, title, and family for the other?

word count: 1,937 words

roze’s note: i know those are three disney inspirations and that it’s not really explicitly shown in this oneshot but i hope you all will like this! for me, i think this is one of my best works so far. i enjoyed writing it~ anyway, enjoy reading!

once upon a time, there was a queen.

“all hail (y/n), queen of atlantis! long live the queen!”

the roar of the chant continued on, their voices muffling inside your head as you refused to look at all of them in the eyes. instead, you glanced at your father, his gaze already on yours with a troubled look on his face, one that you could say that could mirror yours.

your breathing was normal but deep inside, your heart was pounding by your chest that if someone were to come close to you, they would have been capable of knowing your fears and anxiety. but even if they looked closer, your tear-stained cheek will not be in view for it was already washed away by the water—or rather, your water. it’s yours now, you own the sea.

“what seems to be bothering you, our queen?" glancing over at one of your most loyal bodyguards, neito, you found his eyes gleaming with concern over your state. you could clearly read them well—the eyes. it's one of the perks of being a mermaid. without using your mouth, any mermaid or merman can have a conversation with either just by looking into the eyes. it's one of the advantages they have against the humans.

yet still, there are casualties in the population.

"don't mind me, monoma." you say, glancing away in hopes your emotions were kept in check, most especially now—where everyone is relying and looking up on you, with their stares and wary gazes focused on your figure, observing each and every move or expression that comes across your face.

he looks like he wanted to talk some more into you but another guard stops him, one that you could say you trust the most.

“apologies, my queen. is neito bothering you again?” kendo, your personal bodyguard. she was a commoner thus the officials did not really want her in such a high position but since your parents trusts her too, she was entitled as the “royal commander”, the guardian of the younger princess of atlantis just because everyone thought that there would be an army for the future queen and it should only be fair to have someone by the princess’ side.

how they thought so wrong.

“no worries, itsuka-chan. monoma was only asking how i was.” you answer as you look around the hall, still finding it a bit dull despite the celebratory theme of the party.

after all, what’s there to celebrate about when yo were just a replacement of a throne that was not really yours since the beginning?

“congratulations for getting the throne, princess (y/n)!”

your eyes landed upon an unpleasant sight of the siren that had been lurking around the kingdom for years.

"she is no longer a princess, dabi. please address the queen correctly." kendo scolds the man and he instantly apoogizes.

"my bad, my bad." he doesn't sound regretful at all. "it appears that your highness is still grieving for her sister and i only wanted to place a smile on her beautiful face once again."

you were trying hard not to show any kind of expression in front of everyone at his words. it was a good thing kendo stayed by your side or else you would have banished your sister's fiance instantly—rather, ex-fiance. sirens were not originally allowed to lurk with the mermen but your family allowed it because your sister claims that she loves the man.

and to think he would have became king if she indeed wed him. you were actually close to coming into conclusion that he wanted to be one, that's why he was with your sister. it could be possible but you couldn't linger in that thought for long or else you'll burst out from the thoughts that clouded your mind.

"excuse me, i need to take a breather."

"wait-your highness!"

you were already swimming away from them—from everyone. you couldn't handle it. to be crowned as queen the day after your sister was declared as dead.

it was all suffocating.

your hand reaches out into the light outside, your lips parting with a silent call—for help? redemption?

whatever it is—you just want to—

you saw how fast darkness envelops the sky from above the water, pulling you away from your train of thoughts. pursing your lips, you suspected a storm would sooner than later.

you were about to head down back to the castle when your attention was called out by a shadow that looms over your figure—something that you certainly could identify.

a ship.

memories of your sister's smile the last time you had seen her pass your mind and you were close to the temptation of that feeling that you never thought you'd ever come by—revenge by pure hatred. yes, that's it. who would have thought that you would ever hate humans?

before you could ascend further, something gets thrown into the water and you were no stupid to not think it was a human. a specie that has legs—of course.

you found yourself colliding with the figure—not too hard though. you were able to prevent it from hitting you hard, but the impact was still there at least.

it was because of his face—that face. you stared at it too long.

you had never seen a human before so you certainly had never seen anyone that could compare this one to. but he looked much like any merman would, minus the gills and the tail. were you enamored because you had never seen anyone with this kind of face? this kind of beauty?

it sooner came to you that he wouldn't be able to breathe without gills.

you have a chance of killing this human.

yet...

pulling him with you, you swam as fast as you could towards the surface, farther from the ship that he fell into. once you had gotten him out, you were able to breathe the fresh air of the outside world, giving you a sense of freedom you always feel when you go out of the water.

you didn't know what you were thinking as you placed the boy down the shore, a hand on his chest. light emitted from where your hand was and as you hovered them further up into his face, the light followed.

water came out of his mouth, just as you had intended. a sigh came out of your lips when the boy coughs and was able to breathe once again. you might have not seen a human before but you have studied them through books and asking from those who have interacted with them.

that’s why it was so hard to resent them. when you learned that your sister was killed by pirates, you couldn’t believe it. yet for some reason, you still did.

you wanted to blame someone—anyone. and that thought of killing this man earlier dawned to you that you were willing to do murder just for revenge.

your sister wouldn’t have liked that.

“who... who are you?”

when you look up to his eyes, every little thought in your mind vanishes away like fire when poured by water. you never knew anyone could have two eye colors and now that you have seen this man, you became much more fascinated.

he doesn’t move away as you lean forward and stare at the turquoise and grey of his orbs, but you could see him glance down and feel his gaze by your tail, an indication that you were not of his kind.

but he remained still.

“you’re...” he looks up again. “you’re a mermaid.”

there were no ill-tone in his voice and you begun to wonder what was on his mind as you continue to keep silent.

your skin crawled for the first time when you two gazed at each other as seconds pass by, too enamored to look away from each other.

was it the same for him? you thought. though as you were to open your mouth and speak, voices from the background catches both of your attention.

he had a troubled look on his face and you didn’t fail to notice it.

“find him! find the prince! make sure he’s dead!”

mermen had could understand human language. and you were no fool to not understand what the situation was.

your hand finds his and as he looks at you again, words slips out of your lips.

“come with me.”

questions towards yourself came as soon as you spoke. you refused to answer them and instead waited patiently for the boy.

you’d just have to make do for later.

what’s important is now. you can’t just let this boy die in front of your eyes. not when you had felt a connection with him.

he glances down at your hand that was on top of his and then made eye contact once again. he has this expression that you couldn’t read, but it only intensified the curiosity you felt towards him.

“how?” his voice was much clearer this time and you couldn’t help but notice how tingles came by your arm as you felt him interlace his fingers with yours, already deciding despite of his question.

you lean forward and he didn’t bulge. there was no fear in the hues of his eyes and all you could feel was the calmness of his soul and the fire that was on your stomach.

“you have to be a siren.” you answer, coming out as a whisper, as if it was a secret that shouldn’t be heard by anyone.

“a siren?”

you nodded, raising another hand to his chest, you felt the warmth emanating from it, much different from how a merman’s body would feel.

“what’s your name?”

“shoto. prince shoto todoroki.”

“prince.” you say, remembering back to the echoes of the voices from earlier.

nodding your head in acknowledgement, you introduced yourself curtly. “i’m (y/n).”

although after he had shook his head in response, you had pulled him backwards—towards the water, dragging him with all of your strength. he didn’t have time to struggle, and you preferred it that way.

because in order to be a siren—to let go of his humanity and become impure in front of the living, the prince has to die first.

you didn’t let go of his hands as he lost the oxygen of the above. and before he could breathe his last breath, you lean in and placed your lips on shoto. it was the very last step of living as an impure being living under the water; having the same breathe with someone who does the same—which meant you.

when you pulled away, you saw shoto’s eyes flutter open again; the once turquoise and grey were now dark, as well as the hair that were once crimson and white. he begun to mirror the features of a merman, yet with the same dullness that your sister’s fiancé has.

shoto reminded you of dabi, most probably because dabi was once a human too.

yet their features do look alike. are humans usually like this? you questioned in your mind.

a gentle squeeze on your hand alerts you of the completeness of the process, his senses coming back to life that was once dead—or much closer to death.

“i... what have you done to me?” he was breathless despite having gills and nose to breathe. though, the expression in his face told you a whole different story.

“i made you one of us now.” you say, holding tightly onto the same hand that you’d been interlaced with since earlier.

“i am the queen of atlantis. welcome to my world, prince shoto.”

#nnr disney event #nnr bnha #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha todoroki #shoto todoroki #shouto todoroki #shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki oneshots #shoto oneshots #shoto x reader #shoto angst #shoto fluff

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hongism · 4 years

Text

finding beauty in your darkest places - chapter 9

➻ Pairing: reader x ???

➻ Genre: Psychiatric Clinic!au, Angst, Fluff

➻ Word Count: 5894

➻ Warnings: strong language; deals with mental and emotional illnesses and disorders as a heavy theme of the story, future graphic depictions of disorders - please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable

➻ Rating: PG-13/PG-15

➻ Summary: Everyone has their issues, and everyone deals with them differently. Jungkook thinks that avoiding his problems is the best option out there. aka Jeon Jungkook is the newest patient at the Omelas Specialized Psychiatric Clinic, and he just wants to get in and out as quickly as possible so that he can go back to university and be with his friends again. Of course, that doesn’t work out according to his plan.

➻ a/n: so i know this has been a loNG ass time coming but here’s chapter 9!!! i hope you all enjoy it, i don’t have much of a preface to this so let’s just jump into it!

8 | 9

...

Finding Beauty in Your Darkest Places Chapter Nine: Control

"W-What?" Jungkook asks, still in too much shock to think straight or say anything else. You laugh at the expression on his face and release his shirt. Jungkook falls back to the floor unceremoniously, hitting the tile with a small thud, and watches as you stand up straight.

"Y/N, come on! You can't push him around without warning, the poor kid. You knocked him down too." Seokjin chastises you for your actions, and Jungkook looks back to see the man close behind him. You stick out your tongue in response as you squat down beside Jungkook to be more at eye level with him.

"I'm certain that I know exactly where Taehyung's bear is." You grin again, the smile unable to be contained, and Jungkook notes that. He notes how the smile reaches your eyes, the usually dull film over them gone and replaced by a shining new resolve. Is it… is it because of the bear?

"Where is it then?" He asks, propping himself up with his hands.

"It's obvious. I can't believe we didn't look there sooner. I should've known." You stand up straight once more, the smile never leaving your lips as you look down at Jungkook. "Come on, follow me." Jungkook does as asked and hastily gets to his feet. You are already on your way across the room, not waiting to see if Jungkook will follow you or not, and he looks back at Seokjin. The older man merely shrugs.

"I'll see you later, Jungkook." He waves at the younger before heading in the opposite direction and leaving Jungkook to chase after you.

"H-Hey, where are we headed?" He asks as he falls into step with you.

"Oh? The library of course."

"Why—why would it be there though?"

"Early on – when Mingyu was still new to the clinic – he would hide things on top of the bookcases in the library because he was always so much taller than most other people. It was rather easy for him to keep things there instead of risking having the nurses find them in his room. Since he never spent time reading, people never assumed that he would keep things there. Namjoon caught him in there once putting things on the top of the shelves and told me about it, so we used to keep an eye on things in there. We never… well, we haven't done that recently because we assumed Mingyu had outgrown his childish shenanigans. But anyway, I should've known that he would've put it there. Makes so much sense looking back on it now."

"How do you—how did you confirm that it was Mingyu who took it?"

"There's no need to confirm anything, it was already obvious. Having known Mingyu for so many years now, I guess I could say it's an inevitable outcome." You shrug, slowing your pace a little.

"You seem very happy about it," Jungkook comments. He realizes a moment later when your expression flattens and turns deadpan that it was the wrong thing to say.

"Of course I'm happy about it. Taehyung will stop being upset with me once I give him the bear back. Things will go back to normal, and Hoseok will come back to the clinic soon as well. Everything will be fine again. Normal and fixed, at least for the time being."

Jungkook panics. The black water swirls around his ankles again, he feels its presence looming, feels it biting at his skin, the cold of it sending chills through his whole body. It swells around him, filling his vision until all he can see are your eyes. Your dark eyes filled with hope. Hope that is about to be dashed and crushed and swept away because of his actions. He can't say anything in response, he can't agree with you or offer any encouraging words. He knows things are about to crash and burn. It's about to turn sour, and Jungkook isn't quite sure of what will happen when it all crumbles, but he knows it won't be good for anyone.

The two of you reach the library as Jungkook's black water reaches his waist. Namjoon sits inside, in the same position he was in the first day Jungkook came to the clinic. Although it was not all too long ago, Jungkook notes that it feels like forever since that day.

"Oh hi Namjoon," you greet, the small smile returning to your lips. Jungkook hates it. He despises it, realizing that he would rather you be hopeless than see your hopes be crushed by his actions. Selfish. Selfish. "Jungkook, give me a hand and help me reach the shelf, yea?"

"What are you two doing?" Namjoon asks and snaps the book in his hands shut. You barely spare him a glance as you usher Jungkook towards one of the shelves near the wall.

"I had an epiphany last night and realized something," you explain.

"She came to visit Yoongi while I was gone yesterday." Seokjin's words are still fresh in his mind, and they still sting a bit too much for Jungkook's liking. He doesn't bring it up to either you or Namjoon, although it continues to linger in his mind as he watches you glance around the bookcases.

"Hey, are you gonna help me up, Jungkookie? I think I see something up there." You point to one of the shelves, and Jungkook follows your line of sight to the top of the shelf.

"Why do you need up there?" Namjoon asks. He sets his book to the side and watches you turn back to look at him.

"I'm certain that Mingyu put the bear up there. Do you remember what he used to do with the smuggled cigarettes and alcohol?"

"Yea yea, I remember that. I'll get it for you." He gets up and moves towards where you're standing by the shelves, nudging you aside with his elbow.

"No, you aren't tall enough to reach the top either," you complain, elbowing him in the side as well.

"Oh shush, Y/N, I'm gonna help you up." Namjoon catches your elbow before you can hit him again and tugs you closer, then hoists you up by the waist. Jungkook can't do anything except stand back and watch the scene, feeling strangely out of place. "Hey, don't kick me."

"I didn't mean to!"

"Sure you didn't."

"Oh fuck off, Joon. You know I would've kicked a lot harder if I meant it."

The scene is oddly domestic, something out of place in the clinic, something Jungkook isn't used to seeing or witnessing, and certainly not something he is used to seeing from you and Namjoon. Namjoon laughs at your response and lifts you up a bit higher. You pad around on the top of the shelf, swiping something from the top. It falls to the ground in a cloud of dust. Jungkook blinks down at it, eyes wide.

Sure enough, there lies a stuffed bear, greyed by dust, and his lips part in shock at the sight of it. Something much smaller lies next to it, also dark with dirt and dust, but Jungkook can't make out what it is from the distance he's at.

"Y/N…" He starts, not sure what to say. Namjoon lowers you to the floor again then bends over. He misses the bear completely; instead, reaching for the plastic bag and lifting it. He wipes the dust away with his thumb.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath.

"Wha-at is it?" Jungkook inquires, leaning over to look closer.

"A bag of pills." You lean over as well. One hand rests on Namjoon's shoulder, the other lingers at your hip, and a sigh escapes your lips as you look down at the bag. "Why is it here though, Joon? Who's is it?"

"I don't know. I rarely see anyone come in here, but obviously, it belongs to either Yesung or Mingyu. Don't know why they would keep it here of all places though."

"It doesn't look like the pills either of them take."

"Did they… did they take the pills from someone else for some reason?" Jungkook asks. You look his way, head tilting to the side as you mull over his words.

"Has anyone discussed leaving soon, Jungkookie?"

"Um, yea actually. Jimin mentioned that Mi-Miyeon? Yea, Miyeon could be on her way out." You shake your head at his words.

"That can't be right," you say as you shift your gaze to Namjoon. "Miyeon doesn't take any pills, does she?"

"No, she's strictly in the ED division as far as I know. No reason for her to take pills in the first place. Besides, these are narcotics. Among all the patients, I'm the only one who is assigned to take them. No way in hell I'd give those pills to anyone, let alone Mingyu or Yesung."

"So…?" Jungkook trails off, waiting for Namjoon to follow up on his comment.

"So they must be getting the pills from a staff member."

"Why on earth would they need them though?" You ask. Your grip tightens on Namjoon's shoulder, and he glances down at you with a darkening expression. "And why the hell would they keep them here?" Your tone increases in fervor. Namjoon shakes his head, not saying anything for a moment. He continues with a quiet voice.

"They're up to something, I know it but… honestly, we cannot worry about that right now. If someone were to find us with the pills, we would get in serious trouble. That may be exactly what Mingyu and Yesung want. So please, Y/N, please just forget about it for now. It's not important. We should just leave them here for the time being." A frown comes across your lips.

"Mingyu and Yesung have never done anything drastic, Joon. You don't think – do you think they might try something?"

"I'm sure Yesung isn't the one behind it if they are. He just does whatever Mingyu says because that's what is easiest for him. Y/N, please try to trust me on this. I'll try my best to figure this out so you don't need to worry about it." Namjoon brings a hand up, resting it atop yours, and he squeezes gently. You blink back at him.

"I already trust you, Joon. You don't need to ask that."

"I know but…” Namjoon trails off, not finishing his train of thought as a sad gleam overtakes his features. He looks away and shifts his gaze to the floor instead. "Take the bear to Taehyung. He's been waiting long enough, hasn't he?"

"You're right," you murmur before retracting your hand from Namjoon's shoulder. Bending down, you lift the bear into your grasp and give a few measly swipes at the dust.

"Jungkook, could you hang back for a minute? I'd like to chat."

You glance between Namjoon and Jungkook, eyes narrowed and skeptical. Jungkook bites at his lower lip. Your stare is lingering, increasing his discomfort and the anxiety bubbling in his gut. A moment later, you turn away though and do not question Namjoon's request.

"I'll see you both at dinner then." You slip out of the library without further comment. The moment you're out of sight, Namjoon grabs hold of Jungkook's arm and tugs him further into the room.

"Things are getting worse between Y/N and Taehyung. And by worse, I mean quite a lot worse. Y/N thinks it's all because of the bear because Taehyung hasn't said anything."

"I know that. Seokjin mentioned it earlier."

"Well, yes, that's fantastic, Jungkook. It's a big problem. If she gives him the bear, it is not going to fix anything. She will continue to think that she did something wrong because of what you did. To make matters worse, Hoseok is coming back to the clinic tonight."

"Wh-What?"

"He's scheduled to come back around mealtime, which means he will most likely be there during dinner. Y/N still doesn't know about the pills or him trying to overdose," Namjoon explains in a hushed tone. Jungkook merely shakes his head as he looks back at the man.

"I don't – I don't know what you want me to do. I don't understand what you want me to do, Namjoon. You already told her to take the bear to Taehyung. What am I supposed to do?" Namjoon laughs at Jungkook's coming, a breathy sound that lilts through the air for a moment. He quiets down even further with his next words.

"She's not doing that though. She's in the hallway trying to listen in on our conversation. I know her all too well. But, Jungkook, she can't sit at Hoseok's table tonight. She really can't. I don't even think she should see him in the first place."

"No…" Jungkook mutters. He leans away from Namjoon, eyes crossing the older man's face. "No. She needs to see him, and she needs to give the bear to Taehyung. It will make her happy, Namjoon. She needs that."

"At what cost, Jungkook? For what? A sliver of happiness? I refuse to risk her sanity and wellbeing for a brief moment of happiness."

"Yoongi would. He'd want her to be happy and do whatever it takes to make her happy." Jungkook pulls his arm away from Namjoon, but the man only grips him harder and keeps him rooted to the spot.

"I'm not Yoongi, Jungkook! I have lost more than one person because I just wanted them to be happy. It fucking backfired so I refuse to risk that for Y/N as well. She is all I have left."

"Things change. It doesn't mean it will be the same for Y/N."

Namjoon's arm falls limply by his side. He looks down at the floor, and Jungkook can't see the expression that rests on his face but he isn't sure that he really wants to out of fear of what he might see.

"I can't risk that, Jungkook," he whispers, voice so quiet that Jungkook has to lean in to hear him better. "She's the only one I have left. Everyone else has abandoned me. I don't have anyone else in my life, not even outside the clinic. I was dropped here when I was 16. My family never came back to check on me or talk to me or anything. She is all I have left. I can't lose her no matter what."

"Then are you going to keep her here forever? Just because you're being selfish? How long has she been here because you refused to let her go?" Jungkook steps away from Namjoon, nearly tripping over his own feet. Namjoon… how long have you forced her to stay? Namjoon doesn't answer his questions, and Jungkook continues to glare at him with fury in his eyes. "I refuse to help you keep her miserable. That's not what she deserves, that's not what anyone deserves. If it makes her happy, then I'll do that. That's how you know someone truly cares about your wellbeing."

Jungkook turns on his heel, leaving the library without further comment and anger boiling in his gut. As soon as he turns the corner outside the door, he spots you. You're standing a couple feet away from the door, leaning against the wall with the stuffed bear hanging loosely in your grasp. Just as Namjoon said you would be.

"Take the bear to Taehyung," you say. You make no comment on whether you overheard his conversation with Namjoon or not, but Jungkook certainly does not want to press the matter. "Just leave it on his bed or tell him that you were the one who found it, I don't care."

"Why don't you want to do it yourself?" Jungkook says, head tilting to the side as he asks the question. "You deserve to give it to him."

"I really don't," you answer with a small shake of your head. "At the end of the day, I don't deserve anything, so it doesn't really matter."

"That's not true," Jungkook protests. He frowns back at you, your face stoic in comparison to his. "Taehyung would be more than thrilled if you gave the bear back to him." As soon as he concludes his sentence, you chuck the stuffed bear at him without warning. It bounces off Jungkook's chest and hits the floor with a soft thud. "Don't... don't do this, Y/N."

"What am I doing wrong? Tell me why I can't do this. It's my life. I deserve to make these decisions for myself, don't I?"

"You're trying to throw away your relationship with Taehyung," Jungkook bites out between gritted teeth.

"That's not true."

"You are pushing him away to save yourself."

"You're lying." You push away from the wall. Spit leaves your mouth as you hiss your words at him, pure vehemence in your tone. You begin to walk down the hall, and Jungkook rushes to pick up the bear from the floor and chase after you. "Stop fucking following me."

Jungkook persists still, hot on your heels as you move. "I'm not following you," he says under his breath.

"Fuck off, Jungkook. I won't say it again."

"Is it because of what Namjoon said? Did you listen to our conversation?"

"No, I actually didn't. I heard about ten percent of your fucking conversation and decided I didn't want to hear the rest. God, I could really use some cigarettes right about now." You bring a hand to your head, rubbing at the skin there as though it'll alleviate any of the pain Jungkook knows you must be in. "Before you make a smartass comment, I know it's bad for me and it won't help in the long run. I need that fucking temporary relief now."

"I know you do," Jungkook mutters. You opt not to acknowledge him or his words, continuing to march through the clinic with Jungkook following you like a lost dog. It isn't until the two of you reach the hall of bedrooms that you decide to speak to Jungkook again.

"I am still here for no other reason than that I am a bad person. I cannot get better. That is all. Don't sling accusations at anyone except for me." You slip into a room without even checking to see if it belongs to you. Jungkook blinks at the floor where you just stood. If he knew what to say, he might say it but he falls short. Yet again. I don't… I can't help. I don't know how to help. I caused this and yet – and yet I can't even try to fix things.

A sigh leaves Jungkook's lips. He turns away from the door and moves for his own, carrying the stuffed bear still. Stepping into his room, the chill is what hits him first. It's a cool draft from the AC, and Jungkook shivers under it, subconsciously bringing the bear closer to his chest. It's pointless really because Jungkook sets it down on Taehyung's pillow a moment later. It's only when he puts it down that he realizes you didn't step into your own room in the hallway. Rather you stopped at the room just before yours – Yoongi's. Jungkook hesitates just before sitting on his bed. The conversation he shared with Seokjin earlier in the day returns to mind, the older man's words coming to the forefront of his memory.

"They care about each other – Y/N and Yoongi that is – but it's always seemed as though they have a really twisted way of showing it."

It makes much more sense now. The differences in your relationship with Yoongi and your relationship with Namjoon. How any time something goes wrong you run to Yoongi rather than Namjoon, you search for Yoongi for comfort when Jungkook imagines Namjoon is a better option. How you and Yoongi cannot seem to hold a conversation without arguing. You mentioned that you had a different kind of trust with Yoongi, and now that Jungkook has an insight into Namjoon's feelings and mind, he sees why Namjoon chooses not to ask personal questions of you. Perhaps Namjoon is scared of what he might hear or he's worried that you'll say that you are doing better.

Had someone asked Jungkook whether he thought Yoongi actually cared for you on the first day in the clinic, Jungkook would have said he didn't without any hesitation. Now, however, Jungkook sees that Yoongi is the only one who truly cares about your well-being.

"I know it won't help, and it's certainly not good for her in any way. I'm just doing what I can though. If that's the only thing I can do for her, then so be it. It would've been a bad idea no doubt. I can't say no to her though."

Jungkook can't figure where the line is. Caring about someone so much that you would be willing to do things that could hurt them in the long run versus refusing to give them momentary happiness because you know it could hurt them in the long run. He doesn't know which is better. Is it better to risk hurting someone or prevent them from small happiness?

"I didn't need to know why. I don't need to know every little detail about what's going on in her life, to be honest. The things I do for her are enough, and I do them because I care about her. That's that."

He can't say no to you. Maybe that's the secret behind it all. Just not be able to say no, yet Jungkook thinks that would be an issue in the long run regardless. I wonder... does Y/N think the same about Yoongi? Does she want the same things he does? Jungkook clenches his palms around the fabric of his sweats, knuckles turning white from the pressure. She claims to know, she says she knows that it's bad for her. And yet Yoongi would still drop everything to give them to her.

Jungkook turns on his heel. It's not any of his business really. It doesn't involve him or matter in the slightest. In the long run, what is it going to do for him?

Selfish. Selfish. Why? Who are you? Why does it matter?

Jungkook shakes his head. The voice intrudes, pushing through logic and replacing it with emotion.

Think. Think. Jungkook. Think. Don't you know? Can't you figure it out? Stupid. Useless. Fucking idiot. Think. You're so useless.

Jungkook stumbles and nearly trips over his own feet. Grabbing for the wall, he steadies himself long enough to scoot towards the door.

Quit fighting. Are you fucking stupid? Just let it happen. Let me in.

Jungkook slams his head against the wall. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone. Fuck off. I don't need you right now. Jungkook hits his head a bit harder. The pressure helps alleviate some of the pressure for only a few moments before the voices are rushing back in, rushing to disturb Jungkook's peace of mind yet again. He slides the door open. I need you to leave me alone. Go away. Go.

Slipping back into the hallway, Jungkook slaps the side of his head with the flat of his hand as though that will help the voices leave. They are only relatively quiet when he's in the presence of other people, talking, chatting, listening, just doing anything other than being alone with his own head. He isn't wholly sure where he's walking to, but his feet take him past your room, Yoongi's room, and the one beside his. He stops before one of the white sliding doors and without thinking twice knocks on it.

It slides open with little effort seconds later, and the girl behind it blinks up at Jungkook with confusion gleaming in her brown eyes.

"Uh… hello?"

Jungkook stares down at her, an equal amount of confusion on his own features no doubt. Why… am I here?

"Oh, are you here to see Hyewon?" The girl asks, head tilting to the side as she looks back at Jungkook. "It's Jungkook, right?"

"U-Um, yea, yea I'm Jungkook. Is – uh, is Hyewon available right now?" Jungkook asks in response, a similar tilt to his chin.

"She is, yes," she answers. Jungkook can't quite place her name but knows that he's seen her sitting alongside Mingyu and Yesung with Hyewon before. "But… you aren't supposed to go into other patient's bedrooms without permission or accompaniment by a nurse?"

"It's fine, Hanuel." Hyewon steps into Jungkook's line of sight, her platinum blonde hair tied up behind her head in a high bun. Jungkook glances away from the girl in front of him – Hanuel – in favor of looking at Hyewon. "He already got permission from a nurse."

"O-Oh, I'm sorry for assuming." Hanuel shifts and steps out of Jungkook's path.

"Can you give a few minutes to talk one on one, Hanuel? It won't be long I promise."

Hanuel nods in response, her hair bouncing along with the motion, and slides past Jungkook to step into the hallway. Jungkook takes her place in the room, eyes still on Hanuel. The door slides shut behind him, the brightness from the hall dissipates and leaves Jungkook and Hyewon in a dark room.

"You can turn on the lights if you wish. Hanuel needs it to be dark in here, but if you'd rather turn them on, that's fine." Hyewon motions over Jungkook's shoulder towards the light switch. He just shakes his head in response, fingers coming back to toy at the material of his sweatpants as the black waters of anxiety lap at his ankles. "Why are you here, Jungkook?"

"Wh-Why did you cover for me and lie to Hanuel?"

"Oh? Did you not ask a nurse for permission?" Jungkook denies it with another shake of his head. "Then whatever you want to talk about must be important. I don't mind. It's not like you're breaking any big rules."

"Oh… yea."

"Why are you here, Jungkook?" Hyewon repeats. She doesn't move, still glued to the same spot on the carpet as before, and Jungkook doesn't move either.

"I-I don't kn-know. I guess, I guess I just need a distraction?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want to – I don't know. I want to just get my mind off things for a bit. I'm sick of thinking so damn hard. I just want to stop for a bit."

A laugh breaks through the lingering tension in the room. Jungkook peers at Hyewon as though she's grown a second head, the laugh out of place in the hush of their exchanged words. She clutches at her stomach as she laughs, the crisp sound echoes in the small room, and she slides down to sit on the carpet a moment later.

"Well then… how may I assist you, Mr. Jeon?" Hyewon motions towards the space in front of her, the invitation clear. Jungkook moves forward with hesitant steps and falls into a similar sitting position across from her.

"I don't know. You can talk about anything, I guess."

"I doubt you really want to hear my life story, Jungkook."

He shrugs. "Try me."

"Hm, if I tell you a bit about myself, then I expect the same in return." Hyewon points at Jungkook with her index finger, a narrow to her eyes that Jungkook winces at. "Oh chill, Jungkook. It's not an attack, it's just a fair exchange."

"Okay, y-yea. That's fine, I guess."

Hyewon pauses at Jungkook's stutter and hesitance. The narrow of her eyes increases. "Is something wrong with you?"

"What? What – Why would you think that?" Jungkook blanches at her question, panic arising quickly in his gut, the black water swirling up to his hips, and his breath starts to leave him a bit quicker.

"Well, don't take this the wrong way but you seem… relaxed? Confident? Maybe not confident, but just weirdly out of character. No offense but you normally act like a blubbering mess and can barely speak without stuttering at every word. Not to mention how you freeze up whenever someone asks something personal of you."

"I'm just listening to your earlier advice," Jungkook says. It's a quickly uttered white lie but a good cover nonetheless.

"My advice? What do you mean?"

"A-About Yoongi, Y/N and Namjoon. Uh, I know – I know what kind of people they are now." Hyewon's eyes go wide, and her lips part at bit at Jungkook's words.

"Really? That didn't take much effort on my part. So, do you remember what really happened the night of Hoseok's episode now?"

The question catches Jungkook off-guard. He leans back, spine straightened and rigid, and blinks at Hyewon with no words coming out of his open mouth. I know what happened.

"You're doing a shitty job at distracting me," Jungkook hisses. Hyewon answers with a laugh, another clear and crisp sound that tears through the room. She throws her head back while laughing.

"Sorry about that." Hyewon clears her throat, tucking a strand of hair that's fallen from her bun behind her ear. "I could tell you a bit about my story. If that would help in any way?"

"Sure, yeah, that sounds… fine."

"Ha, don't sound so enthusiastic. Well, I guess I can start with my childhood? As a child, there was this – this sort of terrible accident in my life. I don't want to go too in-depth on it, and frankly, I don't remember all too much about it. But I know I lost some people who were very important to me. My struggles started there, I guess, but the remaining people in my life tried to brush it off as a normal reaction to tragedy. For a while, I believed them and wanted to brush it off the same way they did, so I tried shutting it out of my mind.

"Well as I got older, I tried taking away the pain with other things. Drinking all sorts of things, every drug in existence, sex – anything to try and block it out for even five minutes. After a debacle, I was stuck in here because they thought it was the obvious solution. I mean, what else could they do?" Hyewon pauses, looking up at the ceiling and focusing on something up there. Jungkook peers at her as a cynical smile crosses her lips. "It's funny, you know. It's funny how only when you start doing things for yourself and trying to help yourself, people think something is wrong with you. Taking care of yourself is equal to being crazy. They never believe you when you say something is wrong with you. It's only when you take control. When they disapprove of what you're doing with your life and how you're behaving, they take control. They make the rules. They lock you away because they don't understand.

"I was happy. I was enjoying myself, I was doing what I wanted. Free from pain and misery and the horrors I had to survive. Every damn day I asked myself, "Why did I survive and not them?". I didn't have control until I took control for myself. It wasn't until I did that I finally started living. And yet they told me that I didn't deserve to live. Sure, I would've ended up dead at some point from all the alcohol and drugs I was taking. At least… at least I was feeling something other than pain. At least I was living. They don't care about that one bit. They don't care about the pain you're in. All they care about is what image it presents. How it looks to people on the outside. The lack of control."

"Control…" Jungkook mutters to himself. The words strike a chord, bite deep at his skin, resonate so much in him that it physically hurts. His chest tightens, heart clenching at the walls around it, and he blinks at Hyewon with narrowed eyes. A mirror, but not. Same story, different telling. Same life, different paths taken. All leading to the same place...

"It stressed me out, to be honest," Hyewon says, voice falling to a broken whisper. Her chin dips to her chest. "Thinking about how no matter what you do, it's never enough for them. But at some point, you have to realize that… it's not about doing it for them. You don't owe them anything. It's about what you owe to yourself. The things you do for yourself are enough, and that's the truth of it. So, how about you, Jungkook? What were your juicy methods of taking the pain away? And how did they land you here?"

"I…" Jungkook trails off. He swallows roughly around the lump in his throat, the black waters of anxiety quickly rushing to lap at his feet in the moment of weakness. A mirror. A mirror. She's a mirror. Vulnerable. Trust. I can’t trust her. No, I can. I can trust her. "I just would work out and control what I ate. I needed control. Had to have some sort of control in my life. Those were the only things I knew how to control. Just work out until I couldn't even feel my body anymore. Control what I ate until – until I was perfect. It was just easiest to do."

Hyewon laughs. "Why did you never try alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, or sex? That would've taken care of the problem in an instant."

"I wasn't interested."

"In what?"

"I never wanted to do something bad for me or that I would regret eventually. I've never been interested in alcohol or cigarettes, drugs are off the table. I never wanted to put more drugs in my body than I'm forced to already. Didn't want to add to the growing list of issues I have with my condition. As for sex, I've never been in a relationship, so I didn't even consider it."

"I have never regretted a single thing I did. Besides, you don't have to be in a relationship to have sex." Hyewon smiles at him, and the expression sends a surge of embarrassment through his system.

"I-I know that. I know. I know but I would rather it be something meaningful and worth something. Not something to take the pain away."

"Don't knock it until you try it, Jungkook," Hyewon scoffs. A knock interrupts Hyewon's train of thought. The door slides open, Hanuel steps back in, and Jungkook leans away from the girl across from him.

"I'm sorry. The lights outside were bothering me."

"It's fine, it's fine. I was just leaving." Jungkook gets up, moving back from the carpet. "Th-Thank you, Hyewon. For talking with me."

"No problem, Jungkook. Drop by any time you need me."

"I'll keep that in mind." Jungkook turns away from Hyewon and heads for the door where Hanuel stands. He steps past her, moves into the hallway, and walks back to his room with heavy feet. He barely has time to think about his conversation with Hyewon, everything is moving quickly again. He has enough time to make it to his door and find it wide open. Again, he finds an unexpected sight. Again, he finds Taehyung sitting on the edge of his bed, something in his hands. Except this time it isn't Jungkook's journal. It's a small stuffed bear covered in dark dust.

...

a/n: okay first of all, so so sorry for such a delay in updates for my series!!! i’ve been doing requests for such a long time that i completely lost track of time! i hope you all like this chapter, please let me know what you think of it 🥺👉👈

tag list: @succulentjinkook @mxrzan

consider sending me a ko-fi!!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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team-free-will-oneshots · 5 years

Text

Buried Secrets

Title: Buried Secrets (part one) Request: based on one from @witch-of-letters (not sharing it cos spoilers) and Hello! Can I request something kind of long? Reader notices Dean struggling (barely sleep, self deprecation) and uses witchcraft to help him... - anon (also cut for spoilers) Summary: You’ve been hunting with the Winchesters for years, and unbeknownst to them, you might feel a little more towards them than friendship. Little do they know, you’re a witch. Matters are only complicated with the threat of the Darkness. Will you ever catch a break from what the universe throws at you? (set early-ish season 11) Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader (love triangle babey!) Warnings: Some sadness I guess?? Dean repressing his emotions :( Word Count: 2,300ish

note; hey y’all, look at this, another series !! and a love triangle, whoa ! hope u guys enjoy, part two on its way! xx

“Anything?”

“Nothing,” Dean muttered, slamming the old book shut. Dust motes shot into the air, before slowly drifting and settling on the wooden desk, tiny flecks of grey on the brown. He put his head in his hands, groaning before heaving himself to his feet. “Apparently, no one’s ever needed to stop the friggin’ Darkness before. Seriously, what kind of a name is that? The Darkness? Sounds like a shitty 90’s movie,” he protested, but you could sense the pain behind his words, see it lingering behind his eyes.

“There has to be something,” Sam insisted from the corner of the room. The three of you had been poring over lore books for weeks now - you’d even reached out to a few friends from your old coven, desperate for help. None of them offered anything of value - not the few who still deigned to speak with you since your association with the Winchesters, anyway.

Of course, Sam and Dean didn’t know anything about your past life, where you’d embraced your abilities as a natural witch, using them to hunt in your own unique way. As far as they were concerned, you were just a hunter; saving people and hunting things the old fashioned way - with a knife and a gun, not Latin spells and crystals and herbs. When the three of you met on a case, it just made sense to stick around to finish it off. Five years later, you still had their back, and you were certain they had yours.

“There’s nothing, Sam! And why would there be? She was locked away before time even existed, we’re not going to find anything in some stupid book!” Dean snapped, jaw taut and teeth clenched. He seemed more worn down than usual - the deep bags under his eyes seemed to be carved into his skin, his mouth always set in a tense expression of defeat.

Sam sighed, his fingers combing through his hair as he shook his head. The youngest Winchester was struggling too, more than you knew he’d ever admit, but at least his eyes still showed signs of life - a flicker of optimism, even a genuine laugh on occasion. That was far more than what Dean produced of late. It seemed he hadn’t managed to catch a break in years - first the Mark, then being a demon, then the Mark again, and now this… as much as Sam blamed himself for unleashing the Darkness, you knew that Dean blamed himself more.

“You never know. There- there might be something. Maybe we’re just not looking in the right places-” Sam tried helplessly, but fell silent at Dean’s warning glare. You rubbed at your temples, feeling a headache coming on - you’d had all too many of those lately. They’d been bothering you for years, striking up at the most inopportune moments. You’d brushed it off as nothing more than stress, but it certainly didn’t make your life any easier.

When you glanced up, the air was heavy with tension, and you knew it was only a matter of time until Dean snapped.

“Hey. Dean. Let’s go for a walk,” you suggested suddenly, and his eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“You wanna go for a walk? Now?” His tone was weighed with disbelief, and you shrugged.

“Yeah. Like you said, we’re not getting anywhere here. I could do with clearing my head, and I’d like some company.” You shrugged. Dean paused for a moment, processing your reply before nodding.

“Okay. Okay, yeah. Let’s go,” he said, and you smiled, touching his arm lightly as you passed him and ignoring the electricity that sparked at the contact before grabbing your coat and leaving the musty confines of the bunker behind you. Dean was hot on your tail, and you could feel his warm presence behind you as the cool night air rushed over your face, stinging your eyes and rushing through your hair. You blinked a few times, letting your eyes adjust to the darkness before you set off down the road.

Dean fell into step beside you, and for a while, the only sound was that of the crickets and the steady crunch of your footsteps on the crumbling tarmac. The moon bore witness to your outing, it’s faint, silvery light bleeding through the wispy clouds that lazed across the sky.

“Nice night,” Dean remarked, and when you turned to look at him, his jaw had loosened and his shoulders slumped. He wasn’t happy, that much was clear, but at least he wasn’t pushed to his breaking point.

“Yeah,” you agreed. His fingers brushed yours as you walked, warm and calloused. Your heart stuttered, and Dean snatched his hand away, clearing his throat as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. You swallowed, releasing a short breath that misted in the air before getting your emotions under control. It was just an accident. Dean didn’t like you, not like that, at least. The two of you had been best friends for years - you would’ve picked up if… well, if there was anything more than friendship there.

“Maybe we should try finding Rowena again. She might be a backstabbing witch but maybe there’s someone in her circles who-”

“I don’t think the witches can help us,” you interrupted, voice taking on a defensive edge. Dean huffed.

“You’re probably right. Not like they’d be willing to give us anything useful, anyways,” he muttered. Your jaw tightened.

“Maybe not all witches are as bad as you think,” you murmured, and Dean barked a laugh.

“Good one, Y/N,” he chuckled, and your brow creased in hurt as you cast him a stern look.

“I mean it!” you insisted, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“C’mon, Y/N. Most of ‘em made deals with demons. No one ‘good’ resorts to that,” he argued, and you raised an eyebrow as you shot him a pointed look. He rolled his eyes.

“Okay, me doing it was different. These witches… they just want power, and then they use it to hurt people,” he declared, and you sighed.

“Not all of them. Some of them are just… born like that. Natural witches, with powers they have to be taught to control.” Like me, your brain whispered. “There have to be some good ones out there,” you finished, voice small. Dean shrugged.

“Maybe. I’ve never met one, but if I do, I’ll owe you five bucks,” he said, shooting you a smirk. You hummed in response, but the fake amusement you’d tried to imbue in your tone fell flat.

“Well, hunting aside; I thought this walk was to clear our heads. No use talking about things we can’t control,” you said eventually. “How have you been? I heard you up at four am last night. Trouble sleeping?”

Dean laughed humourlessly. “Yeah, well, I’ve got a lot on my mind,” he said vaguely. He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it just as quickly. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered. You spared a glance at him, and the dullness in his eyes and the weak smile on his lips made your heart weigh heavy with helplessness.

“Well, if you ever wanted to talk about it and… I dunno, get things out of your mind and into someone else's, I’m here,” you told him, keeping your tone light. He chuckled.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, but you knew in your bones that he was lying. Dean was the master of internalising his feelings until they started to eat him up, and you knew this time would be no different.

“I mean it, Dean,” you said, coming to a sudden halt by the roadside. “You’re my best friend. You can talk to me.” Dean’s momentum carried him a few paces further before he finally stopped, turning around and raising his brows.

“I know,” he said, slowly returning to your side. You sighed.

“Really, Dean. Honestly, I-I’m worried about you,” you confessed, and the eldest Winchester rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He shook his head.

“You sound like Sam,” he muttered. “Listen, I’m fine. And even if I wasn’t, that’s my business,” he said sharply. “You don’t need to be wasting your time worrying about me, of all people! Like I said, I’m-”

“Fine. You’re fine. Right,” you finished defeatedly. He nodded forcefully, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

“We should get back,” he muttered, avoiding eye contact as he paced back the way he had come, leaving you standing alone in the dark. His movements were stiff and his hands were in fists at his sides. You exhaled heavily, kicking a rock dejectedly before following in his footsteps.

When you returned to the bunker, Dean had already stormed to his room. Sam shot you a quizzical glance. “What’d you do, punch a hole in Baby’s tyre?” Sam asked, and you chuckled, collapsing on the couch next to him.

“Worse. Tried to talk about his feelings,” you replied tightly, massaging your temples and trying to ignore your pounding headache. It had only gotten worse after your attempted “chat” with Dean.

“Ah. Well, that explains it,” he said, trying a smile that you managed to return. Sam’s smiles were always contagious - so genuine and kind, it was impossible not to return them. Sam closed the book in his lap, putting it aside and shifting closer to you. His leg brushed yours, and for the second time that night, your heart stuttered. As attractive as you found Dean, the same could easily be said for Sam. His hand found your knee, resting over it innocently as he coaxed your gaze to meet his. “You okay?” he checked.

You sighed, leaning back into the couch. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just-” You sighed again. “I’m worried about Dean, and I- I guess I have some stuff going on as well,” you admitted. Sam frowned.

“You wanna talk about it?” he offered, eyes warm with concern. You shook your head - how were you meant to tell one of your hunter best friends that you were one of the “monsters” so frequently on their hit list? How were you even meant to describe how that made you feel, how personal their jabs at witches felt? Especially with how frequently they arose nowadays, ever since Rowena wormed her way into your lives...

“Just… feeling alone, I guess,” you mumbled. “It’s hard to explain.”

“I get it,” Sam said, giving you a sympathetic half-smile. “For a long time, I felt like I didn’t belong… well, anywhere. But, Y/N… Dean and I care about you, okay? I know neither of us really talk about it that much, but… we’re both here for you, and we’ll accept you no matter what. But you need to accept yourself, too.”

You managed a small smile in return. “Thanks, Sam,” you whispered, swallowing hard and blinking back the tears beginning to burn your eyes. When one finally broke free, gliding down your cheek and settling in the corner of your mouth, Sam opened his arms.

“C’mere,” he said, and you accepted his hug gratefully. His arms caged around you protectively, holding you against his hard chest as his large body curled over yours. You could smell the fresh scent of detergent on his flannel, feel his light scruff on your forehead, and then it was fading as you pulled back in fear he’d feel your racing heart.

“I should get to bed,” you told him, smiling again, a fraction more authentic this time. Sam nodded.

“Yeah, me too. See you in the morning,” he said quietly, and you nodded.

“Night,” you replied, getting to your feet and making the short trip back to your room. Sam’s words still echoed in your ears - you need to accept yourself, too.

Maybe he was right - maybe you’d been trying to suppress who you were for too long. You knew you could use your powers for good - you’d spent most of your life trying to do just that. Maybe you could show the boys, your best friends, that not all witches were as evil as they thought. And maybe, you could start by helping Dean.

You had all the ingredients you needed stowed safely in your bedside drawer, and it took you nearly no time at all to make the hex bag. Your fingers deftly pieced it together, falling back into an old, familiar rhythm as the repetitive motions drew out the stress knotted between your shoulder blades and the tension headache that had tortured you so incessantly. As you imbued your magic into the tiny bag, you felt as though you could finally breathe again.

The sound of a door falling shut drew you from your trance, and you cracked open your own door to peek into the corridor. Dean was heading towards the bathroom, probably for a shower, judging by the towel slung over his shoulder. Perfect.

Once he was out of sight and you heard the spray of water, you crept from your room and into his. Your heart dropped at the sight - it didn’t look like he’d cleaned up in weeks. This was not the room of the healthy minded.

You stayed just long enough to tuck the hex bag under his mattress, leaving as quickly and silently as you came. A small smile tugged your lips as you laid back in bed, drawing the blankets up over your waist. Finally, after so long, you could use your powers for something good.

Maybe there was hope for you yet.

__________

Read part two here!

Forever tags: @babygirloreo @calaofnoldor @stealingheartsswift13 @lmpala97 @sebastianshoe @81mysteriouslyme @castieliswatchingoverme

Dean tags: @polina-93 @justagirlinafandomworld

Sam tags: @sammys-dimpless

If you’d like to be tagged in this series, or added to any of my tag lists, let me know!

#supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #supernatural x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester fanfiction #dean winchester imagine #sam winchester imagine #spn #spn fanfiction #spn imagine #dean x reader #sam x reader #buried secrets series #spn x reader

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ohmeohmayohmy · 5 years

Text

With the Slightest Smile, Chapter 11

Taglist: @reedusteinrambles @juxt4p0siti0n @kurtnehhhh @chlobo6 @reavenedges-lies @livcaper @singularpurplepansy @geek-and-proud

Notes: Alright folks, here she is in all her glory. I had to take so much out, it was originally like 17k or something ridiculous, but she’s still pretty lengthy. I hope it was worth the wait. I’m sorry for my impromptu hiatus, hopefully something like that doesn’t happen again. I am very grateful for the patience and kindness you have shown me in the last few weeks. The vibe of the chapter is very different to me, for some reason. So I hope you enjoy it, even if it’s not what you expected. But maybe that’s part of storytelling anyway. 🤔

Warnings: Language, illness.

Words: 14.1k+

___________________________________

February 23, 1974

It was a bleak day, greyness settling into the room.

A hazy beam of light shot through a slit in the curtains. You groggily moved your head so you were able to face away from the brightness, trying your best to ignore the morning.

It took the first few moments of your waking to remember that you were not sleeping in your own room. The walls were stark white, the bedspread was a dark striped quilt, and there was nowhere near the same amount of clutter strewn about the floor. You felt a vague warmth from the spot next to you, with only an indentation in the sheets. It was enough to rouse you to sit up, jolting you from the daze that had befallen you mere moments before.

Streaking sunshine striped across your face more freely in your upright position. It filled your eyes, making any sense of sight difficult. The glass from the single framed picture on the wall reflected the luminosity. The dull tones in the room gave you an eerie feeling, uneased by the lack of colorfulness.

Even the photograph in the frame was in black and white, depicting a lovely forest without its liveliness.

You shivered, pulled the covers up to your bare chest, and settled into the foreign blankets. Is it always going to be this strange?

Behind the door, you could hear water running, assuming it was coming from the kitchen. With a mumble, you slipped out from the sheets and onto the floor, searching for anything resembling clothes. Eventually you recognized that your dress from the night before was crumpled at the foot of the bed. You tiptoed over to it and slipped the loose garment over your head, looping your arms through the sleeves. The frock was wrinkled, but you decided to ignore the fact.

You walked across the carpeted floor, suddenly thankful that they weren’t cold and wooden. The door was left slightly ajar, so you gave it a gentle push and entered into the space beyond it.

It led directly out into the living room, which was just as starkly white as the bedroom. The sofa was a light grey, thin linen curtains covered the wall which had small windows. You ran your fingers along the large white bookshelf lining the wall nearest you.

You found it odd that it only housed books. No knickknacks. No decorations of any kind. And absolutely no music albums.

Then it hit you, there was no music playing. Which was a strange occurrence in your home. Brian would always play a record while doing anything, especially washing dishes.

You removed your hand from the bookshelf immediately, once Brian sprang to mind. He had tried to apologize for not calling on Valentine’s Day, saying that he had every intention to tell you he wouldn’t be coming home.

But he never tried to apologize for not showing up.

And that hurt a hell of a lot more.

You inched your way to the kitchen, almost dreading the sight that you knew you would be met with. Not because of who it was, but who it wasn’t.

The steam from the hot water sizzled on the freshly cleaned pot, which you guessed had been the vessel for cooking food. The faint smell of oatmeal wafted through the air. To your left, you could see the pristine white bowl that held two servings’ worth sitting on the counter, placed neatly next to a small container of brown sugar and a strainer of recently washed fruit.

The sticky sound of bare feet on the tile came up from behind you, and a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your waist. You could feel a warm breath through your hair, and leaned back into the embrace. If you closed your eyes, you could almost imagine you were at home. With your best friend.

“Good morning, sweetie.”

Sweetie.

And just like that, your daydream was shattered.

“Good morning, Paul.” You forced cheer into your voice, and twisted around to press your face into his chest. “How long have you been up?” You knew it hadn’t been a considerable amount of time, but the question was more of a pleasantry than anything.

Paul hummed into your forehead before planting a soft kiss. “Not too long.”

You groaned, muffled by his shirt. “Well, I’ve been up much too long already.”

He scoffed at your comment and pulled away from you enough to meet your eyes, beaming down at the frizzy hair that haloed your face.

“Something on your mind, sweetie?”

That word again. It bothered you.

It bothered you a lot.

“Not at all.” You shook your head, honeying your tone. He grinned before releasing you.

“I made breakfast.”

“I can see that,” you motioned to the counter where the food was lined up perfectly. “But it doesn’t look like you made anything for yourself.” He scoffed again, amused by your dry comment.

“If you’re that hungry,” Paul responded, “I suppose I could get something else.” He paused. “Is your cake from the restaurant still in the refrigerator?”

You scowled. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Too late. I’m already thinking about it.” He placed his arms around you again, this time bringing your head closer to him rather than your waist. Even his scent, which you should’ve been accustomed to by now, was unfamiliar. Or, at least, it wasn’t what you had come to expect.

“Can I eat now?”

Paul laughed down at you. “As you wish.”

You playfully pushed him off of you so you could turn around and grab some of the food. He grabbed the largest of the three dishes, which held the oatmeal, so you grabbed the sugar and fruit.

“Should I grab some spoons and—”

“Oh, I already set the table.”

Of course he did.

“Oh, nice,” you smiled.

You put the things you were carrying down next to the big bowl and moved to sit in your recently designated seat.

“When do you have to go to work?”

“‘Ve got the whole weekend off.” You leaned back in your chair with a boastful manner.

“Lucky girl,” Paul grinned. He rose up halfway out of his seat to place a peck on your cheek. You scrunched up your face at the affectionate contact, feeling a slight blush forming on your skin. He pulled away to return to sitting, and scooped a sizable portion out from the large bowl to relocate into his own. You took the ladle from him and helped yourself to the warm oatmeal.

“What about you?”

“You know I have to go later.”

You groaned. “Do you though?”

Paul squinted, teasing and taunting. “It’s not like I save lives or anything.”

“That’s for sure,” you giggled, taking a blueberry into your mouth. “We can’t all be heroes.”

“No. Just you.”

He gazed at you with an adoration that you were certain you had seen before. But the face looked off. The hair was wrong, the features warped. You couldn’t shake the sense of untrueness that had settled in the pit of your stomach.

The discomfort must have broken across your face, because the jolly gleam that radiated from his face faded away. “Something wrong?”

Yes.

“No.” You rubbed your thumb across his hand.

“If you say so.”

“Thank you for breakfast, by the way.” You changed the topic quickly, motioning to the table.

Paul nodded and shrugged. “It’s the least I could do.”

“I’m sure you could do less,” you quipped. “In fact, I’ve seen it.”

He pouted. “You come into my home—”

“Is there a problem with that?”

Paul snorted, the wrinkles around his smiling eyes deepening. “Not at all.”

“Good.” You gave him a side eyed glance, acting suspicious.

“Though,” he continued, “if you’d have me, I would really like to spend more time at your flat—”

“Oh.”

“And meet your friends?”

“You’ve already met most of my friends.” You tried to play off your discomfort as confusion.

“But just as some bloke, Y/N, not as your boyfriend.” You visibly shuddered at the mention of that word. He contorted his face, stretching it into an expression of befuddlement. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Paul.”

“You look troubled.”

You lowered your head, sheepish. “I just…I didn’t realize that’s where we were.”

“What do you mean?”

For an intellectual he’s incredibly thick.

“Boyfriend…girlfriend…”

“Oh.”

Neither of you said anything for what seemed hours. At most, it was really only three minutes.

Paul cleared his throat, signaling that he was prepared to speak. “I only figured, y’know, since you’ve been staying over so often.”

It was true. You had only spent a couple of nights at your own home since Valentine’s Day, which was more than a week ago, and that was only when you could be certain that Brian wouldn’t be there. Let alone his new lady love.

“No, I understand why it feels that way,” you nodded slowly. “We just never had the talk.” Pause. “That’s all.” Your mind was frozen from the sheer awkwardness of the situation. You wanted to be in control of where this thing with Paul was headed, but he caught you blindsided. He knew you didn’t want to get too serious with anyone, which he attributed to your getting over someone else. You made it clear that wasn’t the case, many times. But neither of you fully believed it.

“That’s all?”

No.

“Yes.”

Paul inhaled deeply, suddenly very invested in his silverware. “It’s not too much too soon, right?”

“Hmm?”

“I mean, given our timeline, it’s not going too fast for you, is it?”

“Paul, I’m not as fragile as you might think,” you tried to tease, but it might have come out more indignant than playful. “I took you home literally the day we met.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Technically, the day after…”

You rolled your eyes. “New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, what’s the difference?” He opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off. “It was a rhetorical question.” You narrowed your eyes, recognizing the perfect snarky comment you had set up for him. “That was nearly two months ago. I think our timeline is a little unconventional, anyway.”

“I suppose.”

“And we’ve only been seeing each other regularly for about…”

“Nine days?”

Someone’s precise.

You nodded in confirmation. “So, there really hasn’t been a time to have the conversation.”

Paul glanced down at his wristwatch. “I’ve got some time now.” You gave him a withering look. He noticed, almost startled. “Or not. Some other time.”

“You know it’s nothing wrong with you, right?” Your voice became softer, gentler, tapping a hand on his chin.

“I think you’d have said something if it was,” he smiled, before kissing your hand. You scoffed and didn’t attempt to argue. He brought out the opinionated side of you.

But you also didn’t want to say what was “wrong” with him, because it fundamentally wasn’t wrong at all. It would be unfair to say that.

He just wasn’t Brian.

But you couldn’t admit that. Not to anyone. Not even yourself.

In a desperate attempt to move your mind away from anything that might make you say something you regret, you blurted, “You’re welcome to come to dinner tonight.” But your tongue instantly burned with regret anyway.

Paul hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Stella insisted that I ask.”

He grinned. “The infamous Stella?”

“The very same.”

“It’s an honor.”

You laughed, genuinely. “I’d say so.”

“Just the three of us? That’s a lot of pressure.”

You laughed again, but in a more reassuring manner. “Odette will probably join us, and that would soften the blow. And I think John and Veronica will be there, if she can get him out of bed.” You felt cheeky making your remark, but it seemed to go over Paul’s head.

“Oh good, I’ll know someone, then.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Will the rest of the band come too?”

“In that case, it depends if Fred can get Roger out of bed.” You didn’t want to make the same insinuation, so your intonation changed, and this time it landed.

“For dinner?”

“You’d be surprised.” Your comment made Paul chortle.

You carefully avoided saying anything about Brian. You just hoped he wouldn’t be there.

The emotional distance that had befallen your relationship in the last few months was killing you, but a public dinner starring your new beau didn’t seem the best place to air out anything between you and Brian.

And something about bringing Paul made you feel preemptively ashamed.

“Is it somewhere nice? Or should I wear something more casual than my work attire?”

“If Freddie’s got any say in the matter, it’ll be somewhere a little too posh for the mood.”

“So, a suit should suffice?”

“That would be your safest bet, I’m sure,” you answered sweetly. It was like you were trying to cover up the guilt from the thoughts that were invading your mind.

Once the two of you were finished with your breakfast, Paul stood up and grabbed the dirty dishes, taking them into his large arms. You picked up the utensils and the cloth napkins that weren’t even soiled.

“Should I pick you up from your flat, then?” He asked while wiping down the bowls.

The simple act of him doing the cleaning of the dishes threw you off, as it would usually be you while someone else was drying them. “Huh? Oh, yeah. That’d be great.”

“What time?”

You looked up from your fixation on Paul’s soapy hands. “The others agreed to meet around seven-seven thirty this evening. If that works for you?”

“Lucky for me, I get off at six.”

“Perfect. Stella and Odette will probably be there when you drop by.” You took a rag to dry the bowls, but he put up a hand to stop you, gingerly taking the fabric from your grasp. “I can help, you know.”

“Yes, I know, but is it wrong for me to want to let my girl relax?”

Paul’s response made your heart swell.

“Guess not,” you simpered, standing on your toes to kiss him on the cheek.

“So,” he reverted the conversation back to its former subject, “will Stella and Odette need a ride too?”

You took a half-step back. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” Paul’s voice emitted kindness. You felt a sense of giddiness rolling in. It was unexpected.

“I don’t know what I would do without you.”

But the words stung as you said them to the wrong man.

* * *

“Are you comin’ to dinner tonight?”

Brian flicked his eyes up to look at Roger, without moving the rest of his face. “Wasn’t aware of it.”

Roger furrowed his brow. “Y/N didn’t ask you to come?”

Brian’s expression softened. “No.”

“She’s bringing Paul, Stella wanted to meet him.”

“So everyone else has to go?”

“Guess so,” Roger shrugged. “At least Deaky does. He and Paul are mates, or something. Y/N thought it would be best, so it didn’t seem like everyone was against ’im.” He grinned. “Fred and I are just going to see Stella in action.”

“I’m sure it will be nice for you to be on the same side for once.”

“We used to get along! And ’ve been quite civil.”

“You’re not the one who has anything to be discivil about.”

“Eh,” Roger swatted a hand at his companion.

“Haven’t you met Paul already, anyway? At some concert or party?”

“Yeah, but that was just as Deaky’s friend. Besides, ’m more interested in what Y/N sees in him, aren’t you? I mean, if I were in love with someone, I’d want to know what they like. Wouldn’t you?”

Brian hadn’t thought of it like that.

“I’m not in love with Y/N,” Brian grumbled.

Roger’s mouth dropped in objection. “You’re gonna let this little fling with Almost Perfect erase the last twelve fucking years of your emotional development?”

“Her name is May.” Brian glared. “And since when do you care about my emotional development?”

Roger ignored the question, finding the opportunity to aggravate Brian too tempting. “Why’d you call her Almost Perfect, again? Because she wasn’t quite what you wanted? Who you wanted?” His eyes grew devilish. “What makes you think it’s gonna be different this time?”

“Because it has to be,” Brian answered with a barely perceptible whisper.

Roger swallowed a thick breath, studying Brian’s angular face. He looked completely disheartened. And the enormous dark circles under his eyes did not help.

“I can’t keep holding out for something intangible.”

“How do you know it’s not worth it? If she means the world to you, then you should give it to her.”

“She doesn’t want me, Roger. Never has.”

“Don’t pretend that she spurned you, Brian. You never said a bloody thing. Could’ve been you shagging her on New Year’s, but it wasn’t, because it was too overwhelming for you. You just had to step outside for some fresh air, leaving Y/N alone.”

“It’s the same every year. And the one time I decide to not wait around to watch her snog some random person she just met, she comes looking for me.”

Roger was losing his patience. “Get over it, man. It was two bloody months ago!” He sighed. “Just be with May, enjoy her while she sticks around. Not every woman is gonna sit by and watch you fall in love with your best friend.”

Brian sunk his head into his hands. “Oh god.”

“What?”

“May. I feel awful.”

“Well, yeah, some part of her must know, right?”

Brian disregarded the question, not wanting to answer. “She’s great, doesn’t deserve me treating her this way.”

“You mean completely ignoring her?”

Brian nodded timidly. “I should do something. Something big.”

Roger phased out of his therapist role, and took on a much more devious one. “For starters, you could bring her to dinner tonight.”

* * *

“What time did he say he’d come to pick us up?”

“Sometime after six, he gets off then.”

“Good, maybe then you’ll not be throwing clothes on at the last minute, like every other time, ever.”

You snickered at the overly-Americanized drawl.

Stella hadn’t looked up from her magazine in at least half an hour. She flipped through with high enthusiasm, scouring for ridiculous trends to gawk at. Odette had fallen ill at the last moment, plagued by migraine. When Stella suggested to stay with her, she only dismissed it by saying “You have to give this Paul guy twice the interrogation,” or so Stella claimed. You sincerely doubted that Odette would ever say that, but you secretly loved when Stella got protective. You just felt bad for the unsuspecting victim of her intensity.

“I always manage to look presentable, don’t I?”

“Always is a strong word, honey.”

You sighed and joined her on the sofa. It caught her attention.

“You know I just mean it in fun, Y/N. No need to get huffy.”

You snapped your head to look at her, confused by her conclusion. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even listening, Elle.”

Stella put her magazine down on the coffee table. “Are you nervous about dinner or something? It’s not like you’re introducing him to your parents.”

“No, it’s much worse.” You winked at her. “You are much worse.”

She mocked flattery. “Oh, stop it, you.” You gave her a toothy grin before letting your face droop into its previous state. Stella watched you fade away. “Seriously, babe, what’s wrong?” Looking off into the distance, you ran your tongue along the top row of teeth, zoning out. “I didn’t put down my entertainment just for you to ignore me.”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Stella affectionately placed one of her large, warm hands on your shoulder, stroking you with her thumb subtly. “Is it work?” You shook your head. “Paul?” You shook your head again. “Is it Brian?” You hesitated before repeating the motion. The brief pause gave Stella all the information she needed. “Did he hang up on you again?” Her words were teasing, but she didn’t let a wisecracking inflection slip.

“No.”

“Did you get in another fight? Seems to be happenin’ quite often.”

“Not really.”

“Not really a fight, or not really often?”

You just nodded.

“Y/N, can you please be direct with me? I’m asking so I can help you.”

“It’s not your job to fix everything, Elle,” you met her dark eyes, smiling at her intentions. “Sometimes Brian’s a stupid little idiot, sometimes I’m a little bit of an idiot, too. I think we’re the ones who ought to do the fixing, yeah?” She didn’t say anything, which you found strange. “No offense,” you quickly added.

Stella looked amused.

“I appreciate that you find me so intimidating that you’re scared your own self deprecation personally offended me, but I promise you, I am okay.” Her face grew sterner. “Although, I don’t condone you calling yourself an idiot.” You smiled meekly. “I was just thinking about how easy it would be to snap his little twiggy body.”

“Stella, please leave Brian alone. I’m sure he has a good explanation for what happened.”

“If you’re so sure, then why haven’t you asked him?”

You knew she had a good point. And you knew the answer to her question: Because I’m afraid to know.

“Haven’t had the chance to talk,” you mumbled begrudgingly.

“Maybe tonight you could pull him aside or—”

“Brian’s not coming,” you spoke more aggressively. It caught her off guard.

“He wants nothing to do with Paul, eh?” She tried to fight back a grin, but it wasn’t working. You just weren’t paying attention.

“No. I didn’t tell him about dinner.”

“Really?”

You lowered your eyes. “Like I said, we haven’t had the chance to talk.”

Stella was no longer amused. “So what? Are the two of you just finding replacements for the other or something?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Really, Y/N? You’re not just using Paul as a distraction?”

“I’m not using Pa—”

“Can’t handle the fact that there’s something wedging itself between you and Brian that you had to go out and find someone else to give you attention?”

“Stella, you know that’s not it.”

“You sure? Because I’ve seen how the two of you dance around each other, for years. I thought it was worse when you were in Finland, but I was wrong.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, eyes swimming. You didn’t know how to retaliate, or even how to respond.

“Almost Perfect has been in the picture before, but even when you were out of the country you made it all work.”

“He’s made it very clear he needs space,” you managed to spit out.

Stella frowned. “He said that?” Her tone was hushed, like she was suddenly expecting Brian to burst in from the kitchen.

“He didn’t need to.” The thought of it brought small tears to your eyes, but you fought against them, leaving you only a little glassy eyed.

This was not the conversation you wanted to be having.

Stella could tell.

“So, what time are we getting picked up, again?”

You broke, allowing a tiny smile to form on your otherwise sullen face. “Shut up,” you croaked. It made Stella give a hearty laugh, roping you into the humor as well.

The room felt airier, as if whatever was looming overhead had dispersed into the atmosphere. Stella’s good for that. Chiming sounds of giggling echoed through the flat, filling it up with happiness that hadn’t seemed to be there in a while. The music that had been softly playing was a welcome addition to the symphony. You were glad to be somewhere full of life, of pleasant sounds. You were glad to be home, even if it was just for a little while.

* * *

The restaurant was nicer than you were expecting, and you felt a little underdressed in your blue frock. As you came in through the entrance, you were greeted by the sight of Freddie, John, Veronica, Mary, and Roger, who were all standing around waiting to be seated. You twiddled with the fabric of your dress, standing still for a moment. Veronica was the first to see the three of you by the door and smiled. The others quickly turned their heads to see you, beckoning for you to join the group. Stella led you and Paul to the others.

“You look stunning, dear,” Freddie cooed as he pulled you into a gentle embrace.

“You always say that,” you whispered playfully. He laughed. You stayed in his arms for a moment, finding his touch comforting.

“It’s always true.”

After the release, Mary smiled politely from behind his shoulder. You shot her a larger grin, but it was mostly for your own benefit.

“How was the drive over?”

“Paul’s still in one piece, so I’d say pretty successful,” Roger sneered. Stella rolled her eyes and glared at the slightly shorter man.

Paul timidly cleared his throat. “It was nice.”

“If you say so.” Roger sounded unconvinced, but the twinkle in his eyes made it clear that he was just poking fun.

“How long is the wait?” Stella asked.

“I thought we had a reservation.”

“We’re a bigger party than expected, they estimated about twenty minutes,” John answered. He looked almost apologetic.

You smiled at Deaky, confused by his demeanor. “Good thing we’re in no rush.”

The sound of the door opening came from behind you, but you didn’t think enough of it to turn around. Footsteps echoed through the foyer.

“Room for two more?” A soft, warm voice lilted.

Your heart skipped a beat at the sweet sound.

Brian appeared next to you, wearing a dark blue blazer and layered silver necklaces. His arm was wrapped around May’s waist, who stood on the other side of him. Neither of you looked at each other.

You swallowed and moved closer to Paul, inching away from the pair.

“Glad you could join us,” Freddie’s tone dripping with sarcasm.

Brian smiled uncomfortably. He scanned the faces around him, eyes landing on Paul before he had the chance to look at you. “Paul, is it?”

Paul’s response was much more genuine. “Yes! Nice to see you again, Brian.” He stuck out a hand to shake, which Brian proceeded to take reluctantly. Everyone could feel the tension, even if they didn’t know why it was there.

“You too.”

“Crazy that Y/N’s your roommate, yeah?” Paul laughed to himself. “Small world.”

Brian looked at you for the first time since he came in. Your eyes met for a split second before you broke away. His gaze lingered.

Roommates.

The time spent waiting did not last much longer, they called your party over to a more private part of the restaurant. You were sat at a long rectangular table. Stella took one end and Roger sat at the other, with the couples filling in at the spots along the sides. Paul sat at Stella’s end, with you on his left. Veronica and Deaky were next to you. Freddie took the end near Roger, with Mary beside him. That left Brian sitting directly across from you.

The worst place imaginable, you complained internally. But you were going to be the bigger man, so to speak, and not give him a dramatic confrontation.

Brian’s eyes were glued to the cloth napkin placed neatly in his lap. He could hear May speaking to him at a low volume, and nodded occasionally to simulate interest in what she was saying. She sounded flustered, nervous, even though she had already been around his friends plenty of times before. Brian already regretted the evening.

Across the table, he could see Paul leaning in to whisper something in your ear. Your eyes would widen, or you would giggle at whatever was said. Enchanted—charmed—by this man who was, quite literally, taking his place.

It killed Brian to be sitting on the other side of the table.

But from where you sat, all you could see was some beautiful girl’s hand placed gently on Brian’s arm, speaking in hushed tones as she stroked calmly.

It angered you.

It angered you that he chose her over you, on the night that was always just about the two of you. It angered you that he came without invitation, and brought her along. But mostly, it angered you that he could sit there and act like none of it happened.

Brian was supposed to be your best friend, but lately, he wasn’t much of a friend at all. Too distant, physically. Emotionally.

You were startled by the server asking for your drink order. “Water, please.” The waiter nodded cordially before asking John for his, and so on. You decided to stop obsessing and redirect your focus on your date, who appeared to be getting along with Stella quite well. You rubbed Paul’s shoulder that was closest to you and let a smile cover your face.

“What do you think you’ll order?” Stella asked.

You realized you had forgotten to look at the menu.

“Oh, I don’t know,” you grazed your eyes over the open menu in front of you. “Not in the mood for salad.” You leaned in closer to Paul. “I always have to get a salad.”

“Occupational hazard,” he joked.

“It comes with the vegetarian title.”

May’s ears perked at your comment. “Are you vegetarian, too?”

“Mmhmm, I’m an even better one than Brian,” you snarked. She laughed, maybe a little too hard, but you didn’t say anything.

“It’s true, I confess,” Brian responded. “I do enjoy prawns from time to time.”

“A prawn-etarian, perhaps?” May attempted to riff off the pair of you.

Brian gave a courtesy scoff. “Perhaps.”

You just smiled.

“So, Paul, how did you meet Y/N?” May turned to look at your companion, who was gazing at you intently.

“Oh,” he breathed as he spoke. “I was visiting my little sister at the hospital, and who should work there but this one.” Paul wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer to kiss your forehead. “And then later that evening, we happened to be at the same New Year’s party, because it turned out her friend John was also my friend John.”

“Small world,” you added in a short manner, reiterating his words from earlier.

“Sparks flew, and I just knew something was going to happen. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking,” Paul paused. Both he and May laughed. “What do you think, sweetie?”

You tried to shake off the impending grimace.

“I’d say it was almost mutual.”

The coy comment earned a burst of laughter from several people around the table as the waiter came back with your drinks. You smiled and mouthed “Thank you” as he handed you a glass of water.

“Nothing stronger, Y/N?” Freddie called from the other end of the table. He sounded personally offended. You gave him an unamused glare, followed by you sticking your tongue out at him. He returned the favor. So far, Freddie has been the only one to make you genuinely smile.

May offered Brian a taste of her wine, which he accepted. He had also ordered water, planning on driving home himself, but he figured one sip wouldn’t hurt.

You turned to look at John and Veronica, who were conversing quietly. You could feel a sweet energy bouncing between them, so enamored. It made you sad that you didn’t have the same experience.

At that moment, Paul’s hand rubbed your back as he struck up a conversation with Stella and May. You appreciated the gesture, small and intimate. It made up for the momentary blues. I have someone.

But you didn’t know if he had you.

* * *

The food was delicious. You ended up getting some kind of fancy flatbread, and were looking forward to dessert, eyeing the red velvet cake on the menu. Brian gave you a meaningful look, almost as if to say, “I know what you’re getting.” It was the second time someone had made you genuinely smile all evening.

Paul leaned into you, asking, “Would you like to split the chocolate torte?”

“I kind of have to get the red velvet.” You emphasized it in a way that made it sound like you were being forced against your will. Brian snickered inaudibly. You didn’t detect it.

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Sorry,” you teased, “I don’t make the rules.” You held up your hands in defeat. Paul smirked, and shook his head.

“What a terrible fate.”

Finally, you thought. He’s being sarcastic. Since you’d started seeing each other, you noticed that Paul was acting more docile, more nurturing. You wanted the humor, the sharp comments. It’s only the honeymoon phase. That’s one of the reasons why you hated beginning new relationships.

They never feel real.

“Red velvet is the way to her heart,” Stella joked, flashing a wink at Paul.

Brian scoffed to himself, but this time you could hear it. You looked at him, but when you did, he was just enjoying his food. With an arm around May.

“Got something to say?” You asked him, pretending to be jocose, but you meant to be interrogatory.

Brian looked up at you, giving doe eyes. “Hmm? No.” He touched his throat. “Just a little cough.”

You didn’t buy it, but decided to ignore it anyway.

“I guess I’ll know better than to ask about chocolate tortes next time.”

You looked at Paul, who was already watching you. You planted a kiss on his cheek, smearing a thin layer of lipstick on his face. He was pleasantly surprised.

“I appreciate the offer though,” you tapped your hand against his chest lightly.

The gesture made Brian tense up.

“Well, I appreciate your appreciation,” Paul replied in a cheeky manner, wiggling his eyebrows. It made you laugh.

Roger saw the interactions from a farther distance. He saw the way Brian’s head drooped when you tapped Paul’s chest, the way your jaw tightened when you saw Brian’s arm around May. In the process of it all happening, he was uncharacteristically quiet.

Freddie noticed Roger’s silence and followed his line of sight, then nodded in understanding, picking up on the tension. Paul and May were blissfully unaware, too wrapped up in their partners to see the little things.

And you and Brian were too wrapped up in your fixations to really pay attention to each other.

Feeling the need to do something, Freddie began to tap his glass and stood up. Everyone’s gaze fell on him. His eyes glittered beautifully.

“I would like to say that it’s wonderful to see a group of such darling people come together.” He beamed at the faces of his friends surrounding him. “The amount of affection in this room is astounding, and I adore every single one of you. For being open and emotional and kind.” His smile broadened. “As well as for a number of other reasons. So, thank you all for being here to share it with the rest of us.”

Freddie looked down and rubbed his nose, like he was trying to think of what to say next.

“To relationships,” he raised his glass a little higher. “Both old,” he gestured to Mary, “and new,” he scanned the cheerful faces of the other couples in acknowledgement.

“To finding the love of your life,” Freddie winked at Veronica and John, who were tangled up in each other.

He moved his attention to the other end of the table, where you were seated. Brian’s eyes glazed over as he realized where this was heading, and heard the last words depart from Freddie’s mouth: “To falling in love with your best friend.”

Brian’s cheeks grew rosy, his mouth dry.

He hoped it would go over your head. And it did, but for a different reason.

Because it never occurred to you that, in all the years since you left for Finland, you could still love Brian May. You had missed the moment, it was the end of the story.

You couldn’t even think about it. Still too sore a subject.

Especially since Almost Perfect was sitting across from you with her hand holding his.

“Cheers, dears,” Freddie held out his glass. The rest of you did the same, followed by an echoing chorus of “Cheers”.

Paul tenderly brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes and leaned into his warmth.

“I think I want to be your girlfriend,” you mused aloud. While it was said at a low volume, Brian heard every word.

And with every word, his heart broke a little more.

“If you’ll have me,” you added, opening your eyes.

Paul hummed into your hair as he placed his lips at the top of your head. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

With a short pause, you came to a decision.

“I don’t need to think about it anymore.”

You sat up and stroked his face.

“I just need you.”

Brian was slain.

_______________

March 8

You groaned at the sound of your alarm.

4 a.m.

Too fucking early.

The coziness of your own bed was too enticing.

It had been one of the rare nights where you slept alone, in your flat. Paul had been spending time with his family out of town, which you happily embraced on his last night away.

Not that you didn’t want to spend time with him.

But he couldn’t compare to home.

You wrestled with the blankets for half a second, before finding yourself falling out of bed. It wasn’t a long drop, but it did make a loud sound. Thank god I’m alone.

However, Brian was awoken by your tumble. He jolted up and shuffled down the hallway to locate the source of the sound, but was certain it came from your room.

Silently praying you weren’t with Paul, he swung open the door, and saw you laughing to yourself as you were pulling your body up, with the bed as your support.

You looked up at him. His eyes sparkled in the darkness.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” Brian’s voice was scratchy from lack of use, but it still maintained its softness.

“I’m okay. Just fell out of bed.” You hoisted yourself into a standing position. “Sorry to wake you. Didn’t know you were here.”

He took a step closer to you. “You make it sound like you fell on purpose.”

You smirked at him. He smells nice.

“What?” He asked, almost defensively.

“Nothing,” you answered, feeling a wave of breathlessness. Tearing your eyes away from Brian’s face, you pretended as though you’d just thought of the question, “No May?”

Brian didn’t respond verbally, but rather with a quick shake of the head.

The air fell dead for a few moments. It wasn’t awkward, which gave you a small amount of joy. Things felt normal between you two.

Brian cleared his throat. “Are you coming tonight?” He asked weakly, referring to the first concert promoting their second album.

“I want to.”

He smiled in a way that made your heart ache.

“But I don’t know if I can.”

“Work?” He tried to cover up the hurt.

You nodded “I have to be up early again tomorrow. And the show’s out of town…”

“Right.”

You took a step closer to Brian. “You know I want to be there for all the big moments. And the little ones.” You could feel yourself tearing up, but you didn’t know why. “But I can’t always be. I’d love nothing more.” A tear slipped down your cheek. “I just can’t.”

Suddenly it felt like you weren’t talking about the concert anymore.

“Hey,” he whispered, reaching out to wipe away the droplet. “Don’t—”

“I’m sorry,” you choked. Brian pulled you to him, keeping you close. Safe in his arms.

The smell of sage filled your senses. The smell of home.

--January 11, 1964--

“It’s cold.”

“Gee, really?”

You scowled at Brian, who was laying in the grass below you as you were standing and shivering. “You’re the one who suggested I get out of bed at eleven o’clock at night. In bloody January.”

“But it’s a beautiful night.” He extended his arm up to the sky.

The cold light of the constellations twinkled down upon you, millions of them shining from so far away. You had to admit, it was all so breathtaking.

“I’ll give you my jumper,” Brian spoke softly. You peered down at him. He was blinking slowly as he studied your face in the starlight. Hopeful.

“You don’t have to do that, Bri.” You hugged your arms tighter around your body. “Then you’ll be cold.”

He batted a hand in your direction. “I’ve got layers.” You couldn’t contain the snort that escaped into the air. It only seemed to encourage him. “And if you sit next to me, I’ll be fine.”

You squinted at him, not sure about his solution.

“I promise,” Brian insisted. “Body heat is a great way to warm up.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded solemnly. “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t sure.” You cocked your head, implying that you thought otherwise. “Oh, c’mon! ’M not that mean.”

The look on Brian’s face was the greatest factor in convincing you, it was an expression of plea. You nodded in cession and moved to sit on the ground beside your friend. He scooted over slightly so he could pull off the brown jumper without elbowing you somehow. In doing so, the grabby material of the jumper pulled up the hem of the shirt he wore underneath, exposing some of his midriff to the chilly winter air. But he paid it no mind, and handed you the large garment. You slipped it on over your head, and nestled into the warmth left over from Brian.

He patted the small patch of grass next to him, suggesting that you join him. You obliged, and leaned up against him.

“It is beautiful,” you affirmed aloud. Brian smiled down at you, but your eyes were now transfixed on the skies above.

“Told you so.”

You adjusted so you could look at him face to face. He stifled the whine that rose in his throat as your body moved away from his, already missing your touch.

“How often do you come out here?”

Brian exhaled, causing the air to fog up around his face. “Just when I need reminding of how beautiful life can be.”

You smiled at his comment. “You’re odd.”

“And it’s one of your favorite things about me,” he puffed out his chest.

“Are you implying that I like more than one thing about you?”

He mimicked insult. “How dare you. ’Ve got many good qualities.”

“Oh?” You raised an eyebrow in feigned surprise. “Like what?”

“You like my cooking.”

“Like is a strong word.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Alright. What about my charm?”

You bobbed your head. “That’s one.” He could feel himself begin to blush, and thanked the frosty weather for making his face red anyway.

“Humor?”

“That’s two.”

“See? I’ve got many good qualities that you appreciate.”

“No,” you argued. “You only named three. Three is not many.”

He frowned. “Then how many do you want?”

You considered it for a moment. “Six? Maybe seven?”

“Really? There are seven whole things you like about me?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I didn’t even know I had seven qualities.”

You playfully flapped your hand against his chest, trying to get him to continue. It made you happy when Brian said nice things about himself, but it so seldom happens organically that you had to push to get it out of him.

“Four more, Mister May.” You held up four fingers and wiggled them tauntingly.

He groaned. “Alright, give me a second.” He dropped his head back, thinking. Humming.

You held up a hand to hide your giddy grin, playing it off as you just holding the wool to your face to warm up.

Brian held up four fingers. “Music taste?”

You nodded, not really thinking of it as a personal quality, but decided music was such an important part of him that it would be wrong to say no.

“Love of animals?”

You held up five fingers, wiggling them in anticipation.

“Hmm,” he stopped to think again. “Passion?”

“Fine, I’ll allow it.”

He pursed his lips. “You have a problem with my passion?”

“No,” you squeezed his hand. “I admire it.”

“Then what’s with the ‘fine’?”

“It’s just so blanket.”

“Excuse me?” He tilted his head, confused.

“Like a blanket term. Everyone has passion, I’m looking for things more unique to you.”

“So ‘charm’ wasn’t a blanket term?”

You couldn’t hide your grin anymore. “You want me to subtract one?”

Brian sighed. “No.”

“Give me two more. Good ones.”

“You drive me crazy,” he muttered.

“That’s why you love me,” you beamed.

Brian froze, unsure of how to respond, but you didn’t see his panic stricken face. When he realized this, he relaxed a bit.

“Okay. Um, I built a guitar with my dad. That’s pretty unique.”

“I’d say that’s the definition of unique.”

“Really? I hadn’t the faintest idea that unique meant that.”

You rolled your eyes and pushed his chest lightly. “You stupid genius.”

“That’s seven! I’m a genius!”

“Don’t cheat, I said it.”

“So there are more than seven things you like about me?”

“Oh god!” You shoved your head into your hands. “It wasn’t supposed to be this difficult.”

Brian’s heart fluttered in his chest. With a shaky voice, he joked, “So, you did have an ulterior motive,” but it cut out about halfway through his sentence. It didn’t matter, you knew him well enough to know what he said.

“Shut up.”

“Sorry.”

You returned to your position leaning up against his torso, closed your eyes, and tilted your head back into the crook between his shoulder and neck.

“Which one’s your favorite?”

Brian turned his sights to the stars, taking them in. “I’ve always been quite partial to Dorado.”

You opened one eye. “Which one is that?”

He pointed it out to you. “The dolphinfish.”

“Beautiful.” You closed your eyes again, simply enjoying the peaceful moment. Just you, Brian, and the stars.

“What about you?”

“My favorite constellation?”

“Mmhmm.”

You opened your eyes fully. “I don’t know which ones are out this time of year.”

Brian shrugged. “Wasn’t my question.”

“Alright,” you said hesitantly. “I like Canis Major.”

He nodded. “You’ve always loved dogs.”

“That’s why we’re going to have a herd of them in our house.”

“The more the better.”

“Exactly. You get me.” You sank further into your relaxation, curling up your legs near the rest of your body, and placed a hand on Brian’s chest.

Though he knew it wasn’t the intent behind your words, it sounded like you were saying that one day he would finally get to love you like he always wanted. That maybe the outcome of everything would be you and him.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?” You lazily laced your fingers around Brian’s, marveling at the delicateness of his hands, admiring them. So slender and dexterous. The tips of his fingers were rough with guitar calluses, but everywhere else they were smooth to the touch.

His breath hitched in his throat. “Do you think you’ll ever get married?”

Bit off topic there, isn’t it, mate?

“I don’t know,” you said simply. “I’d only do it for love.”

Brian chuckled. “Isn’t that why most people do it?”

You shrugged, not moving your focus from his hand. “I mean, I’d want to know that whoever he was loved me endlessly, and that I love him back endlessly. Yeah?”

“Makes sense.”

“Of course it does. I’m very sensical.”

“You mean ‘sensible’?”

“No. I mean sensical.” You dropped his hand gently. “Why’d you ask?”

“Just making sure you knew what you said.”

You shifted in your spot. “Not that.”

“Oh, the marriage thing?” You nodded slowly. “Just came to mind, y’know? Talking about our house.”

“I would never live with another man in our house, Bri.”

“You’d leave your husband for me?” He perked up. “The one you’d love endlessly?”

“Of course, easily.”

“Why?” His heart was beating fast, and he hoped you couldn’t feel it.

“No matter how much I love him, I’ll always love you a little more.”

Abruptly, you sat up in realization.

“I’m not cold anymore, would you like your jumper back? You must be freezing.”

He looked at you, moony eyed. “Oh, no. I’m fine.”

“Seriously?”

Brian cleared his throat.

“You can keep it. It’s yours, love.”

You smiled secretly, taking in the gentle scent of sage.

--1974--

“I have to get to work, Bri. ’M sorry.”

Brian relinquished his hold on you. “I could drive you.”

“No, thank you.” You held a hand to his chest. “You need to rest.”

“One less hour of sleep won’t kill me. Don’t sleep much anyway.”

You observed the dark circles under his eyes. “I really think you should go back to sleep, or at least try to.”

“But—”

“No. I am happy with taking the train.”

His arms fell limp at his sides, defeated. “I’ll barely get to see you as the tour picks up.”

You sighed. “I’ll do everything I can to come tonight, alright?” Brian nodded half-heartedly. “Sunderland?”

“Yes. Seven thirty.”

“Okay,” you started to move him back through the bedroom door so you could change into your uniform. “I hope to see you then.” You shut it with a smile.

* * *

Setting up for the gig didn’t take very long, Brian’s equipment took less time than he anticipated, so all he had to do was sit and wait. He bounced his legs anxiously, wanting time to pass more quickly. The others moved around busily as he remained still, watching the seconds tick away on the clock facing him.

After watching for a few minutes, Deaky made his way to where Brian was frozen.

“Something on your mind?”

Brian looked at the brunet standing before him, peeling his eyes from the clock. “No.”

Deaky pursed his lips. “You’re not good at hiding things, d’you know that?”

“I’ve nothing to hide.”

John sat on the chair beside Brian. “So, you’re a nervous wreck over nothing?” Brian didn’t answer, and stared at his hands instead. Deaky have a small smile. “She’ll come.”

“May’s not seeing a show until next week.”

“You know that’s not who I’m talking about.”

Brian fiddled his fingers with a newfound concentration, trying to avoid the subject.

He had told Deaky everything after Deaky explained what happened between you and him. How New Year’s came to be. Brian needed to know you didn’t sleep with John, and when satisfied with the answer, he spilled the beans.

Everything.

Maybe even more than Roger knew.

“She’s got work,” Brian mumbled.

John tutted. “You really don’t know Y/N at all, do you?” Brian finally brought his eyes up to meet Deaky��s, befuddled. “She’ll get here, or die trying.”

“It’s a lot to ask. She’s always doing incredible things, working with children, curing their ailments. And all I can think about is if she’ll catch my gig.” Brian scoffed at his own audacity. “What am I doing?”

“You’ve found yourself caught between Perfect and Almost.” John teased affectionately. “What is there to do?”

Brian grinned out of amusement.

It felt wrong to compare you and May. But he knew it was true for him.

“Loving your best friend is hard,” he whispered, scared any of the passers by might hear.

Deaky became lost in his own thoughts, envisioning Veronica. “I’d say it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

Brian smiled for his friend. “Already?”

“Yes.”

“I’m happy for you, Deaks.” He patted John’s shoulder.

Deaky returned the favor. “And I, you.”

“Why? Because I always find ways to make everything increasingly difficult for myself?”

“You’re a persistent bastard, Brian,” John retorted.

“You’re happy because of that? You hate it when—”

“It’ll happen. You’ll make it happen, somehow.”

Brian slumped his shoulders. “Nothing can happen. She’s got Paul, I’m with May. And she doesn’t feel that way.”

“This thing with Paul is just a drop in the bucket. I doubt anything will come of it.”

“That doesn’t change anything for me, John.”

Deaky got up from his seat, laughing to himself. “Y/N loves you infinitely, and it shows. You just have to look in the right places.” Then he strolled away. But Brian wasn't paying enough attention to watch him leave, because he was hung up on the words Deaky had spoken.

Infinitely.

Endlessly.

Time finally seemed to move faster for him. Before he knew it, it was time to congregate backstage to prepare for the performance.

“Ready to kick this thing off?” Freddie stood proud, hands on his hips, in the middle of the dressing room.

Roger nodded enthusiastically while the poor hairstylist was trying to fix his hair.

John wasn’t listening, but bobbed his head anyway.

Brian started playing with his curls, nervous. He was jittery, feeling energy bouncing through his extremities. Then a bolt of pain expanded in his abdomen.

“Ah fuck,” he whispered as he clutched the area troubling him.

Freddie saw it happen, and marched over quickly. “Are you alright, Brian?”

Brian gave a short nod, lips clenched tightly. “Yes.”

“You don’t look it, dear.” Freddie put the back of his hand up to Brian’s forehead. “Feel a little warm.”

Brian swatted at him to move. “I’m fine, Fred.”

Roger got up to see what was happening, and upon seeing the concern on Freddie’s face, asked, “Nauseated?”

“No,” Brian groaned. “Just nervous, perhaps?”

“Doubt it, mate. You don’t get stage fright.”

“And it doesn’t normally result in a fever,” Freddie added.

“I said I’m fine.”

Freddie and Roger exchanged glances.

“I promise.”

Roger was the first to cave. “If you say so…”

“But if you start to feel worse,” Freddie began to instruct, “you need to let someone know.” Brian nodded subtly in agreement, swallowing shallowly.

“Don’t say anything to Y/N when she gets here, though.”

“Why the hell shouldn’t we?”

“She’ll get worried over nothing.”

“She’s a medical professional. If she’s worried about something, it probably means there’s something wrong with you.”

Brian shifted his weight, unsure of how to rebut. He came up with nothing, so he just gave a pleading look. “Please don’t.”

Freddie curled his lip. “Fine.”

“If he dies, it’s on you,” Roger whispered.

The door to the dressing room swung open. Everyone looked up expectantly, thinking it might be you (or any of their significant others), but it was just one of the stage crew members. “You’re on in ten.” He slammed the door behind him. The noise echoed throughout the otherwise quiet room.

“Drink some water,” Roger snipped at Brian. “Maybe take an aspirin.”

Brian complied.

A soft knock followed shortly after, but nobody moved to get it. With a sigh, Deaky got up from his seat to answer. He smiled at the sight of Veronica. She pulled him out into the hallway with her to converse privately.

After a few quiet minutes a loud call was made, telling John, and effectively the others, the band had to move side stage. Brian rubbed his eyes, trying to ease the dull ache behind them.

Roger clapped a hand to his bandmate’s shoulder, cheering him on. “Let’s do this.”

Brian pried open his eyes and carefully moved to the doorway, following Freddie and Roger’s bouncing gaits in a slower fashion.

Exiting the room, the three of them saw Deaky kissing Veronica sweetly, arms entangled. Freddie coughed. They turned to look at him. He grinned, pleased with himself. “Duty calls, John.”

As a group, the five of them navigated the corridors of the venue. Veronica noticed Brian moving like death, and whispered something into Deaky’s ear. He nodded in confirmation. Veronica then smiled tenderly and turned to Brian. “She’ll be here.” Brian could only muster a small grin, but the words meant more to him than he expressed.

But the time until it started was running out, and you were still nowhere to be seen.

“And now, we here at the Locarno are proud to present…”

The announcement was being made. You were out of time.

“Queen!”

Applause erupted through the venue, screams filling to the rafters.

Freddie led the group onstage, strutting about in his outlandish attire.

John went second, keeping his bass close to his body, a grand smile stretching across his face.

Roger waved, showing off his physique, making some girls in the front chant his name. He gave a wink and twirled the drumstick in his left hand.

Brian entered last, holding a firm grip on the neck of his Old Lady. He flashed a grin to the audience, giving a small thumbs up. The problems from real life had to melt away, so he pushed your absence and the bout of physical anguish as far from his thoughts as possible.

Once they hit their positions, they started playing the opening to “Keep Yourself Alive” as a unit.

Brian eased into the performance more as it progressed, gracefully transitioning from one song to another. He felt a desire to push harder, relieve the underlying tension somehow. When “Liar” began, it gave him the perfect opportunity. He struck a firm stance, gearing up to play as strongly as he could.

The only thing that ruined his focus was a beam of light coming from backstage. Brian quickly turned to look at the source, and found you opening the door to get into the wing. You came. He couldn’t let his playing falter, but just knowing you were there gave him the boost he needed to kick off the song in the right way. He ripped his eyes away from the sight of you, a newfound glint in his eyes.

What Brian didn’t see was Paul trailing behind you. Not until “Liar” came to an end, after its epic 10 minute rendition, when he dared to give you a smile. Your face was lit up, infatuated by the dazzling performance. But at that moment, all he could see was the man whose arms were wrapped tight around your waist.

The color drained from him face.

And Brian wished he hadn’t begged you to come.

_______________

April 13

“Excited?”

Deaky looked up from his lunch. “For what?”

You and Veronica shared a glance and laughed. “America, John,” she cooed, a sunny expression dancing across her face.

“I s’pose I should be. We do leave tomorrow.”

Paul straightened up in his seat next to you, in the booth. Once you two had started dating officially, he started to accompany you to your regular lunches with John and Veronica. “What’s the first stop?”

“Denver,” Deaky replied, voice squeaking slightly. “Don’t really know how they’ll react over there.”

You stole one of your boyfriend’s chips and chewed the tip off, then pointed it at John. “They’ll love you, John. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Deaky raised his eyebrows, “just thinking out loud.”

Veronica tore her eyes away from him to face you, as she sat directly across the table. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and you could tell a question was forming in her mind. “So, how’s Brian feeling about it?”

You finished the singular chip and grabbed another from Paul’s plate without looking. “I think he’s ecstatic.”

“You don’t sound so sure.” Veronica tilted her head innocuously.

You didn’t know how to respond. “We haven’t really talked about it much.”

“That’s unusual.”

John motioned for Veronica to stop whatever she was doing, but she ignored him.

“Not particularly. We’re busy people, you know. It happens.” You took a sip from your water glass. “Though, it’ll be strange to not have anyone to come home to for a while.” Paul rubbed your back, reminding you that he was there. “At least, not who I’ve grown accustomed to,” you added shortly thereafter.

“Haven’t grown accustomed to me yet?” He teased, continuing his smooth strokes on your spine.

You looked up at his goofy face, and gave an awkward chuckle. “No offense, dear, but I’d say seeing someone for four months is not quite equivalent to twenty years of friendship.”

Paul took a beat, biting his bottom lip in thought. “You’ve known Brian for twenty years?”

“Eh. It’s been more like…” You had to do the math in your head. “...Twenty five? Somewhere around there.”

He whistled, impressed. “I had no clue.”

You simpered. “It’s a lot to compete with.”

Deaky leaned forward, muttering, “Believe me, I know.” Veronica scoffed at the quiet comment, but you just rolled your eyes. Paul was confused by the implications, and you all could tell. John blew out, then elaborated. “I had a little thing for Y/N before I met Veronica.”

She scoffed again. “I’d say it was more than a little thing. Went on for years.”

You propped your head up on the palm of your hand, intrigued. “Really, now. Years?”

Deaky blushed. “I liked you when I met you.”

“And you’re not jealous?” Paul asked Veronica, astounded. She just giggled and shrugged.

John gazed at her with overwhelming affection, taking in her beautiful features. “Well, I loved you when I met you,” he said at a low volume. She kissed his cheek gingerly, and they lost themselves in each other’s eyes.

You sighed, adoring your friends. Observing the gentle glow that emanated from them when they were together. Admiring the little touches of their pinkies when their hands were side by side.

Paul glanced at you, hoping you would say something. Maybe that you loved him. Maybe that Brian was nothing to be jealous of. But you didn’t notice his stare, and you didn’t say anything.

_______________

April 14

“It’s strange to have you drive me to the airport,” Brian said. “I always had to drop you off after you came to visit.”

You laughed. “My, the tables have turned.”

He didn’t look away from you the entire drive. He couldn’t. Wanted to have a clear image of your face, just for good measure. Wanted to memorize you.

“What’s weird to me,” you continued, “is that you’re not leaving at the wee small hours of the morning.”

“It helps that the flight to Denver is much shorter than the one to Melbourne.”

“I’m sure it does,” you beamed.

It occurred to you that Brian was leaving the country. For weeks. Something about it made you feel hollow. Even though things had been rough lately, at the end of the day, he was still your best friend. Your favorite person to talk to.

You held out a hand by your leg, hoping Brian would catch your meaning. He did, and held your smaller hand in his. You traced your pinky around the silver ring you had gotten him for Christmas. The thought of him keeping that reminder of you with him everywhere brought you great comfort. He’s not going to forget me. He’s not going to forget me. He’s not…

“May didn’t want to come?”

Brian seemed caught off guard by your question. “What?”

You pulled your hand away from his. “She didn’t want to come to the airport to see you off?”

“Oh.” That’s not what he thought you meant. “She hates airports. Can’t stand ’em.”

“Said goodbye yesterday, then?”

“Didn’t see her yesterday.”

“Not even before we watched The Sky at Night?”

“No.”

The fact that you were the one to accompany Brian made you feel giddy. Well, maybe not giddy. But you felt a bubble of pride welling up in your chest. Excitement. Satisfaction.

“How’s she getting along with the others?”

Brian bit his lower lip. “They like her.”

“I can understand why,” you responded without a hint of sarcasm. “She’s beautiful and charming.”

“I suppose she is.”

You looked away from the road to give him a glare. “What do you mean, you ‘suppose’? She’s your bloody girlfriend.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. Just agreeing.”

“Are you planning on breaking up with her?” You didn’t mean to sound so interrogative, but something about the way he spoke about her threw you off.

“What?” Brian’s face was red, flustered by the sudden escalation in conversation. “No!”

Oh.

A pit formed in your stomach.

“Alright. No need to get twitchy.”

“I’m not being twitchy.”

“Sorry I brought her up.” You didn’t take your eyes off the road again.

Brian noticed the subtle shift in your disposition. You sounded almost hurt, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. He couldn’t bring himself to consider the possibility of jealousy, even though it was all he hoped for. Maybe you were just offended by his nonchalance about May.

Your hardened face staring at the road made Brian feel guilty despite not knowing what he did. He missed you, and not just now, but always. Every minute he’s gone from you, not laughing with you.

Every minute with May was only a distraction for him.

Meanwhile, you were trying to convince yourself Paul was more than that.

* * *

The airport was busier than you would have liked. If it hadn’t been for Brian’s looming stature, you were certain that you would have been jostled around by the rushing hordes. He escorted you through the flood of people, keeping his arm firm on the small of your back. Like always. You smiled. Maybe some things never change.

You approached the gate, and saw that Brian’s group had already formed. Everyone except for Freddie was standing in a circle, talking among themselves.

Veronica had her head resting on Deaky’s shoulder, with his arm holding her waist. Roger stood talking to a pair of roadies, laughing loudly.

Brian coughed, informing everyone that you had arrived. They opened up the circle enough for you two to squeeze in, Brian next to Roger, and you next to Veronica. She smiled warmly at you, moving from her position draped on John to see you better.

“No May, Brian?” She asked.

Brian shook his head. “No, it’s only me and my two Old Ladies.” He lifted his guitar case and tilted his head at you.

“I resent the implication,” you huffed, but the comment actually gave you a happy feeling inside.

“Guess that makes Brian your old man, eh, Y/N?” Roger chimed in.

You rolled your eyes. How original. We’re like an old married couple.

“When’s the flight, exactly?”

“Another half hour or so,” John answered, looking at his wristwatch.

Brian itched his nose. “Fred better hurry up and get here, then.”

“He always does,” a voice said from behind you. Freddie grinned as he wormed his way between you and Brian, wrapping an arm around each of your shoulders. “Good thing, too, or else you would all be lost without me.”

“It’s true.” You agreed, then kissed Freddie on the cheek.

He looked up at Brian, smirking. “I still like this one,” Freddie said in reference to you.

Brian glared at him, before saying, “I do too.” Freddie looked pleased that he could tease Brian so well, while remaining undetected. You were none the wiser.

“I think we’ve all grown quite partial,” Roger contributed, picking up on Freddie’s scheme.

John and Veronica simply stifled their laughter, not wanting to make the situation worse for Brian.

It all went over your head.

You looked to Veronica, intending to change the subject. “Are you going with them?”

She shook her head. “Not yet. But maybe later in the tour. Are you?”

“Didn’t want to leave work for so long, so I told Brian I’d only go to America if they’re headlining. He wasn’t so pleased, but I think he’ll be fine without me.”

“Maybe next time,” she smiled.

“Maybe.”

_______________

April 20

You rattled the keys as you came up to the apartment, exhaustion nearly taking over your senses. Work had seemed to last longer than usual.

Your old pal Arthur was overwhelming, asking questions about your new boyfriend, whom you refused to introduce to any coworkers. Doctor Tead made the same casually sexist comments you’d come to expect. And now, you just wanted to sit at home alone. Company from any other person in the world sounded daunting.

Well, all but one. But he wasn’t even in the country.

You put on the kettle to boil some tea water. You were in the mood for some Earl Grey. Brian had replenished the supply before he left, and until now, it never crossed your mind.

The honey was put on the highest shelf in the cupboard, much to your chagrin. You groaned to yourself as you ineptly pulled your body up onto the counter, kicking and wiggling until you were stable on the surface. It winded you much more than you’d care to admit, so you took a moment to breathe and sit there.

With a second wind, you shifted onto your knees and reached up to grab the small jar of honey. Brian restocked that, too.

Getting down was much easier. You bounced off from the counter just as the kettle began to whistle. In pouring the boiling hot water with both hands, you accidentally pressed a finger to the metal. You removed the affected hand to suck on the finger that had been burned. It wasn’t painful enough to do anything more for it. With a spoon, you scooped some of the honey from its container and mixed it into the hot water.

As you spun around to get the milk, you heard the phone ringing. It’s almost midnight, you whined to yourself, and walked into the living room to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?”

The annoyance dissolved. “Brian?”

“I’m sorry, love, did I wake you?”

The sound of his voice alone made the exhaustion from your day disappear. Warm. Gentle. Kind. You always thought a person’s voice could tell you something about them, and Brian always supported that theory.

“I actually just got home from work.”

“You sound exhausted.” He sounded concerned. You pictured him with a furrowed brow and his mouth in a slight frown.

“Eh, ’ve been worse.” You bit the inside of your cheek. “And I’m better now that I’m talking to you.”

Brian’s tone perked up instantly. “Miss me already?”

I haven’t stopped missing you in months. “I’d have to say I do.”

“I appreciate the honesty.” You could hear the grin in his timbre.

“Where are you tonight?”

“Memphis, then on to New Orleans tomorrow.”

“I’ve always wanted to go there...” You trailed off wistfully.

“Next time, remember?

“Only if—”

“We’ll be headliners, said so yourself.”

“I did say that. And what’s more, I believe it.”

“You always did.” Brian’s voice sounded melancholic. Something wasn’t being said, but you both could feel it.

“What time is it there?” You had dipped into a whisper unconsciously, matching the mood.

“A little before six.”

“In the morning?!”

A gentle tut came from the other end. “No, silly.” You blushed at the playful remark. A short pause befell the line, but Brian shortly came in again before you could say anything. “Is Paul there with you?”

You hugged your legs against your body. “I’m going solo tonight.”

“Sounds nice.”

You took a deep breath. “I really do miss you, Bri.” It hurt, how much you meant it.

“Do you have to go?” His inflection gave away his disappointment.

“Oh, no,” you responded, feeling bad for giving the wrong impression. “There's no place I’d rather be.”

You ended up talking to Brian until he had to go, not even thinking about the international call rates. It was all worth it. When he hung up, you felt a buzzing surge in your body. Every hardship from the past week had slipped far away from your mind. And in your tranquil state, you made your way to bed, tea long forgotten.

_______________

April 21

The show had gone magnificently. Freddie and Roger were practically bouncing with every movement they made. Even Deaky was thrilled. And when one of the roadies suggested they go out for a drink, they all agreed enthusiastically. Only Brian was reluctant.

He made a quick call to May earlier on in the evening, apologizing for not talking in a few days. Of course, she was understanding. She was always understanding. And that made him feel worse. About the phone calls, yes, but mostly about you. He had no problem finding the time to speak to you.

He had no problem loving you.

However, the others convinced Brian that a night out was what he needed, despite his argument, “Every night on the tour is a night out.” They pulled him from the hotel, and got in the limo.

“Forget about May, May,” Roger pushed. “You don’t have to feel guilty about who you talk to.”

“I should at least try to have my girlfriend be one of them.”

“Why? You’ve already got your future wife on the list.”

“Rog, shut up about Y/N.”

“I will when you do.”

Freddie snorted at the pair of them going at it. “Children, calm down.” It deescalated the situation. “We’re here to enjoy ourselves, get lost in the night, alright?” They nodded begrudgingly. “The problems of real life exist out here, but when we go in, let them go.” The driver pulled up to a dark, gritty bar with a line that wrapped around the block. Roger and John groaned at the sight of the people, but Freddie, ever the optimist, smiled at the crowd. “Must be the right place.”

They somehow managed to forgo the queue and skip to the front, getting in as VIPs.

Roger insisted it was his good looks. Deaky suggested it was the wad of cash Freddie handed the bouncer.

They agreed to disagree.

Upon getting into the bar, Brian made a beeline to the empty corner. His head was hurting, and he didn’t want to say anything to the others. Lucky for him, there was an open loveseat away from the action.

A scantily clad waitress, with a genuine smile on her face, came by to ask what he wanted to drink.

“Water, for the headache,” Brian said over the loud music.

“Anything else?”

He thought about it for a second. “And something for the heartache.” The waitress’s smile faltered into one of pity, and hurried off to get his order. Brian leaned back into the chair, rubbing his temples rhythmically, wincing every so often.

An electrifying woman noticed the beautiful man with a pained expression. She had overheard what he said to the waitress, and with each moment, grew more intrigued. She watched the waitress scurry back with a tray carrying two drinks, and Brian accepting them.

The sadness behind his hazel eyes melted her heart.

When the waitress was gone, the woman moved from her seat and took careful steps towards the loveseat, not wanting to disturb the stranger.

Brian looked up as he heard footsteps coming in his direction.

His new companion smiled down at him, tenderly. “Are you okay?”

Brian swallowed heavily, struck by her beauty. “I’ve been better.”

“Haven’t we all, hon.” It wasn’t a question, but a matter of fact. “What are you doing here?”

“Needed a night out.”

She hummed, unsure. “Did you want a night out?” Brian shook his head vigorously. She laughed, which made him ease up a little bit more. “What’s your name, honey?”

“I’m Brian.”

She stuck her hand out, batting her eyelashes without being too forward.

“Peaches.”

_______________

May 11

The train ride from work felt shorter than usual. Maybe it was because you didn’t feel as worn out as you typically were. Whatever the reason, you didn’t mind. It was just before sunset, and the sky looked more exquisite than it had in weeks. You took in the sweet springtime air as you stepped out of the train car, dazzled by the fresh scent of flora surrounding you. It was a day more beautiful than most.

You meandered down the street where you lived, admiring the plant life on the way. Everywhere you looked, it was green and lush.

Nothing would be able to swipe the smile from your face on this day.

* * *

Brian held his head in his hands, the nausea had crept up on him out of nowhere. He had taken a long nap in his hotel room, but couldn’t shake the feeling no matter what he did. Even the aspirin stopped working. He sloughed the covers off and rolled out of bed, walking on aching, spindly legs to the bathroom. The stream of cold water felt refreshing on his hands, and even more so on his burning face.

A booming knock came at the main door of the suite.

Brian wiped his face dry with a clean hand towel and left to answer it.

“Hello, darling.” Freddie was a welcome sight. He always radiated comfort and cheer. Brian extended his arm, welcoming Freddie into his space, but Freddie shook his head. “I’ve just come to see if you were still alive.”

“Barely,” Brian joked in a weak voice, rubbing his sore arm unconsciously.

“Better than not at all!” Freddie gave a smile, but it was out of concern rather than joy. “Can I do anything for you? Make you feel better?”

“I’m alright, Fred.”

Freddie was dismayed. “Can anyone do anything for you?”

Brian shook his head slowly. “Peace and quiet would be nice. I think I should be fine if I’m just left alone until the show.”

“Oh, so you weren’t really inviting me in?” Freddie teased. Brian’s face broke into a small, lethargic grin.

“I would, if you were going to act like a normal person.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve all been treating me like some fragile thing. I’m alright, really.”

“You don’t look the part, dear.”

Brian bit his lip and frowned, thinking.

You didn’t know there was something going on. Your voice would light up every time he called, thrilled to speak with him. No matter the time difference, you were happy just to hear him talk. It gave Brian a warm feeling knowing that after all these years, you were still so excited by him. So kind to him.

So loving.

He smiled to himself, thinking about what Deaky had said a month prior. That you loved him. Infinitely.

Freddie saw the change, the way Brian’s pain seemed to go away and was replaced by something far more pleasant. He watched Brian go somewhere far away inside his mind. And he knew you were the only thing that could possibly make Brian glow the way he was.

“Talk to her, Brian.”

Brian fell out of his dreamy state. “What?”

“She seems to make you feel better just thinking about her.”

Brian blushed. “She does,” he whispered, excited like a child.

Freddie laughed, glad to see his friend so chipper. “One of these days, you should tell her that, Brian. I’m sure she’d love to know.”

Brian nodded at Freddie’s words, how much sense they made. It gave him a surge of energy. You gave him a surge of energy.

* * *

You began tidying up the flat, throwing out scraps of paper you had found lying about. But only after reading them, of course. Some were nonsense, ripped out from the middle of a word or phrase. Others were blank. Nothing very exciting.

The phone rang as you threw out the ball of paper you had accumulated. It surprised you, as you weren’t expecting anyone to call. You walked into the living room and grabbed the telephone from its hook.

“Hello?”

Brian swooned at the sound of your voice. “Hello, love.”

“Brian!” You were even more surprised. “I thought you’d be busy today, before the show.”

“No, I actually just woke up.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm. Had nothing better to do.”

“Why’d you call, Bri? Shouldn’t you be rehearsing or something?” You paused for a second. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I was thinking about you.”

“Why?”

“You’re nice to think about.” You felt your heart skip a beat at his words, caught off guard.

You bit the inside of your cheek, nervous. Something you rarely were when it came to Brian.

“Listen, Y/N, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something—”

Someone came knocking at your door. You weren’t really listening to what Brian was saying, distracted by the sound, remembering you were having company over.

“Bri? I have to go,” you said, apologetic. “Paul’s here.”

And just like that, you’d delivered a punch to his gut.

“Oh.”

You were disheartened by the hurt in Brian’s tone. “Can we talk about it after the show tonight?” The knock came again, a little louder than before. You felt torn.

He sighed, knowing fully well that you weren’t going to be able to talk after the show. And he couldn’t say what he wanted to while Paul was there with you.

“Of course, love.” He felt teary-eyed. “Talk to you later.”

“I miss you, Brian,” you managed to say before Brian hung up his phone. More than you know.

“I miss you too, Y/N.”

“Have a great show. I’m sorry I’m missing another one.” You wanted to prolong the conversation as much as you could, but you couldn’t anymore. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I love you most.”

* * *

The boys stood in the wings as they waited for Mott the Hoople to wrap up their set, before the encore of “All the Young Dudes”. Their own performance had gone swimmingly, the New York crowd accepted them with great enthusiasm.

Brian watched the stage lights change sporadically, but he felt his head spinning to fast to pay close attention. He had to keep telling himself “One more song, one more song,” but he couldn’t find it in himself to rouse excitement or even tolerance at the idea of performing again. He had given Queen’s set everything he could. Probably even more than he should. Brian reached up to stroke his arm gently, wincing as he neared the aching spot.

Roger leaned over, staring up at his precariously swaying mate. “You alright, Brian?”

“I’m fine.” Brian had difficulty saying it, his mouth had gone completely dry.

“You know you don’t have to—”

“It’s one more song, Rog.”

“Exactly, you really don’t—”

“I’m fine,” Brian repeated, irritated.

Roger gave up and backed away, but kept an eye on Brian anyway; the way he was tottering made Roger nervous. It didn’t last long, Queen was called on stage shortly thereafter.

* * *

Paul had fallen asleep a couple hours ago, but you sat up, waiting to talk to Brian after his show, like you said you would. It sounded urgent when he brought up whatever he wanted to talk about.

It was late, or rather, early, but you didn’t mind. It was worth it. Brian was worth it.

You put the Queen II record on at a quiet volume, letting the distinct sound of the Red Special fill your ears. You often did that whenever you missed Brian, especially the song he wrote for you. Sometimes, it was all you could bear to listen to.

It always made you smile wistfully, even if you didn’t notice. The effect it had on your subconscious was extraordinary, sometimes working itself into your dreams at night. Mostly in the form of Brian. He would serenade you gently, or take you into his arms and dance into oblivion.

But presently, you were listening to the intro of “Father to Son”. The build up from the beginning of the album was wonderful, hearing the songs transition into one another seamlessly, beautifully. It made you yearn for something, but you could never figure out what.

You tapped your fingers to the beat as you held your eyes closed, envisioning the notes soaring through the room. You hummed along with Freddie’s gorgeous vocals and realized that the lyrics were so uniquely Brian, it almost made it feel like he was there with you.

The phone rang, interrupting your little daydream. The smile on your face widened with anticipation, ready to talk to your best friend.

“Hello?” You kept your voice down so you wouldn’t wake Paul in the other room.

“Y/N?”

The voice was wrong.

And it was worried.

“John? Why are you calling? Do you need—”

A sob came from the other end. You weren’t sure who made the noise, if it was Deaky or not.

Your body froze completely.

“Brian…” John trailed off, his voice shaking. “Y/N, something happened to Brian.”

As he told you about Brian’s collapse after the show, the jaundice, everything, you felt your lungs give out.

Shock left the line dead. You couldn’t form words. Your heart was broken knowing that Brian was alone when he needed you.

The world became less beautiful.

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can-u-imagine-that · 5 years

Text

Title: Battle Scars, part 1;

Fandom: X-Men (crossover with The Avengers, both movie-verse);

Character: Peter Maximoff;

Note: Y/N: Your Name;

Warning: Cursing; Mentions of sex (no smut);

Request: Okay I have a long request, please bear with me (probably could be split into parts). I have been craving for a little crossover imagine between the Avengers and the X-men. Soooo I was thinking that the main OC or the "you" has a relationship with Peter and they are all happy and stuff (idk probably before Dark Phoenix, after Apocalypse) and their mutation is healing... they can easily heal wounds but it hurts them when they do and the Avengers want them to help in the fight with Thanos (1) They feel the pain of the wound and depending of how many wounds they heal it may actually hurt them. They are an old friend of Natasha and Clint. They end up having a fight with Peter because he doesn't want them to go (I like to think the x-men did their part during the war too, so maybe you could come up with something) but they end up going anyway, without solving things between them and Peter. And of course they disappear in Thanos Snap and Peter grieves and all fast foward (2) the remaining x-men are helping the Avengers fight Thanos in End Game when the Blip happens and boom they are back and reunite with Peter and he matured a lot and was never able to let go of his s/o and fluff happens... sorry for the long request omg, I just got really excited and I really hope you like it and can do it... thank you so so much Author’s Note: Okay, first H O L Y S H I T I’m so excited while I’m writing this. Literally I loved the request and I hope this meets your expectations! I had to change a few things in your request though, to fit better with what I decided to write. And just a few warnings to anyone who is going to venture themselves reading this:

It’s quite obvious but I need to clarify that I’m changing a lot of stuff from both Avengers and X-Men movies to fit this request. So this is only part one so it’ll manly focus on Peter and the reader BUT I decided to consider him and Pietro as two different characters since they are from different movie universes theorically and since, well, Pietro barely even existed in the Avenger’s universe unfortunaly.

Hope you all enjoy it!

People always say that before the storm, the sky is usually calm.

You never really understood this because everytime it happened the sky had that dark grey color, with lightning glistering into distance, swimming in the revolted clouds, making crystal clear that a storm was coming. Or when Ororo eyes shone with electricity and a smirk was plastered in her lips, commanding the students to go back inside the Mansion.

Reflecting now on everything that happened with you, reminiscing, you noticed how right that statement is.

You never saw it coming to you the way it did. To you, the sky was a beautiful blue, sunny and hot. Your life was as normal as a mutant’s life could be. You were standing near the entrance of your room just after a student had fineshed speaking to you.

When you noticed your thoughts drifted to Peter again. That day was your second anniversary and you were really excited because you knew he was up to something. If there was something he was awful in was to keep secrets and act with discretion.

“Hey, babe...” a gust of wind signaled to you that Peter was now standing right at your side and just by the tone of his voice you noticed that he was smiling broadly “How’s your day going?”

Before you could answer he pecked your lips lightly, making you laugh.

“Well, let me see...” you faked a hard time thinking about it before finally answering “Just finished with the classes for today, didn’t really have any problems with the students and was about to meet and have lunch with Jean and Professor Xavier. And the fact that no one got hurt with anything today is also a plus.”

Your mutation allowed you to cure anyone, but the downside of it was that you could feel the same pain the person was feeling. You didn’t get phsycaly hurt, but could feel your bones breaking or your skin beeing cut. It was really uncomfortable but to help your friends you didn’t mind enduring it. Besides you had gone through a lot of worse things before. Things you didn’t share with everyone. In fact probably only Peter, Raven and Professor Xavier knew.

“That’s great. You’re not having lunch with Professor and Jean. Let’s go.”

“Wait, what?” before you could register, Peter had already took you to the garden of the mansion “Oh, Peter... that’s so sweet... but I thought we agreed that we’d just go travel somewhere and maybe also have dinner... no presents...”

“Happy Anniversary...” he whispered, hugging you from behind and kissing your neck softly “And consider this as a compensation for last year’s disaster...”

Before you there was a picnic towel on the ground. On a little basket you saw a beautiful bouquet with sunflowers and roses, - your favorite flowers with a card attached to a small string. One half of the string hung on the outside of the basket with the card and the other half was somewhere inside, lost in the middle of the flowers. You also saw pairs of plates, wine glasses and clutery, while a pan smelling like pasta sat on the pan rest in the middle of the towel. A wine bottle was inside a bucket with ice and resting at it’s side you saw a package which you already knew what was inside, since as you remembered before, Peter couldn’t keep a secret that well. It was a book that you’ve been craving to buy for a while.

“Well... if you put it that way I guess I can roll with it...” you laughed, finding adorable that he still felt bad about the said disaster, which was the fact that he simply forgot.

You were fine, really, but everyone kept telling him how awful he had been for forgetting that by the end of the day he had despertely tried finding something to get you with no success. It didn’t help that you had to go for a mission that took you the hole afternoon, so when you arrived Peter was locked in his room, feeling like a shitty boyfriend until you finally calmed him down and scolded the hell out of Scott and Warren’s asses in the next day.

You sat down, pulling the card enough so you could open and read it, not pulling the string completely out from the basket. You laughed when you saw that the beggining of the message was completely crossed out many times until Peter merely wrote I love you, Y/N, never ever ever ever forget that in the end.

It was so... Peter that you couldn’t be happier.

“Pull it out...” he said, sitting behind you with one leg as a support for his elbow while he observed your reactions.

You nestled yourself in his lap, using the same leg as a back support, kissing him sweetly on the lips before pulling the string and gasping at what you saw. A beautiful silver ring was attached to it. It was plain and simple but inside you saw small letters engraved.

“Quicksilver?” he shrugged while you giggled.

“I didn’t want to put my name on it for some reason. I don’t know...”

“So you decided to put your codename instead...”

“You helped me to choose it anyway...” he gave you that side smile that you loved, making your eyes almost gleam with your feelings for him.

He took the ring and your right hand, putting in your ring finger, pecking your hair and lacing your fingers together so that he could see the ring.

“I don’t even know what to say...” you whispered, closing your eyes while Peter kept kissing sweetly your neck in a suprising calm way.

“Nah, I know you loved it, don’t worry.”

“If I knew this would be the outcome of your experience from last year I’d have found a way of making Scott and Warren traumatize you before” he gasped at your words playfuly placing a hand on his chest.

“Well, lady, now I’m re-thinking if I should keep fighthing for this relationship since it looks like I’m the only one caring for it here” he winked “You are not doing any effort for this especial day of ours...”

“Quit being so dramactic!” you exclaimed a malicious smile making way for your lips “Besides... who said I can’t do anything for you today, huh?”

He mirrored your smile, claiming your lips hungrily afterwards.

Peter kisses were always eager, driving you crazy almost instantly and he knew that. After two years of getting to know each other likings, he had many tactics and ways of making you want him so much it almost hurt you. And of course you also had.

Smiling against his lips you took control of the kiss, pressing your body further into his lap and wrapping your fingers into his silvery hair. Your tongue danced inside his mouth, lacing with his while Peter’s hand tightened in your waist, his fingers dugging into your skin. He groaned when you moved again on his lap, planting kisses and small bites into his neck.

His hands slipped to your ass, gropping and grinding your waist agains his again, loving the friction between your bodies. His lips went back to yours but you denied him control again, earning a bite in your lower lip. You went back to his neck, savouring his reactions.

“Wait a second...” he managed to say, grabbing your cheeks, smirking at you “I’m not complaining and you know that. I could just carry you back to my room and fuck the hell out of you but... as much as I want to do it now I also want you to enjoy this cute thing that I did. Had I known you’d be so eager to have me instead I would have prepared a different setting...”

“I’d have loved to find you naked in my room, too.” you whispered.

“I was thinking more like, I don’t know, maybe some food for your lunch like I did today... but... somewhere else...”

“Ew, Peter. You totally killed the mood.” you complained pushing him away while he laughed hard.

“Well, excuse you, there’s people who enjoy this kind of stuff. But we may finish this later. Now, let’s eat, shall we?”

You two enjoyed the afternoon together and at night, as promised, finished what you started ar the garden. But different from what Peter had suggested you didn’t just fuck. He made love to you, surprisingly slow for him, kissing all of your body, whispering sweet words in your ear and swering that he’d always be there for you.

Lying on each other’s arms later you promised to always fight for one another, no matter what. Living as X-Men you knew the risks so you promised that if anything were to happen, one would never forget the other. You saw him fall asleep and caressed his face, smiling when you saw the ring in your finger again.

A few weeks went by until you received a really unexpected guest.

You were healing a small scratch in one of the kids knee when you heard a voice you knew really well behind your back.

“Hey, Y/N. It’s been a while...”

Gasping you turned only to met Natasha Romanoff.

You two worked together for a while when you worked as an agent and - of course - field medic for S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Romanoff and Clint Barton always took care of you at the begging of your career, since you were way younger than them and also because of the friendship you created with them. Both seeing you as their little sibling. They were really supportive when you decided to quit and join the Mutant School of Xavier, but you lost contact with them a few years ago and being really busy with the X-Men you ended up not going after them again.

You hugged her tightly and she hugged back.

“I missed you, Pipsqueak...” you laughed at the nickname.

“Missed you too... and you’re blond!” you parted, staring at her face “But I have the feeling this is not just a visit...”

“Sharp as always...” she sighed, walking with you on the corridors of the mansion.

“Well... you are Natasha Romanoff. I can’t imagine you dropping by to have lunch on a sunday. Except of course if it is to visit Clint and Laura... how are them, by the way?”

“Doing great. Clint retired and they had another baby.” she wiggled her eyebrow when she told you that the baby’s name was Nathaniel.

“Who would have guessed. Hawkeye? Retired?”

You two laughed but soon the serious expression was back in Nat’s face.

“We need your help...”

“And by we you mean...?”

“The Avengers.” you gasped, windening your eyes at her.

“Well, I’m flattered. But I think maybe Professor, Jean or I don’t know, Raven could be of way more help then me...”

“Given the situation, you’re the only one that I know who can help us...”

You sighed, shuddering a bit remembering your days working on the battle field.

“Are you sure they are of no help? They are really powerful...”

“No, they will stay here and protect the Mansion and the kids if needed. Which I really hope they don’t. Actually I hope that you don’t need to fight either. We just wanted you to be on the mission with us, just in case. Your powers are really handy. We don’t want to risk anyone that we don’t see the need right away.”

You nodded, showing the way to your room.

You two stayed there the whole afternoon, with Natasha telling you all about the Infinity Stones and how Thanos was after them. She told you the Avengers had a plan to take Vision (the wielder of the Mind Stone) to Wakanda to have the Stone removed without killing him in the proccess. It seemed pretty simple to do, but they would need someone to be there in case something went wrong with Vision and he got badly hurt.

“I understand. I presume you already spoke to Professor Xavier...”

“Yes... and he already put someone else to teach your classes.”

“Alright... let me just pack a change of clothes and my uniform. I’ll meet you in the hall... and I need to talk to my boyfriend real quick.”

Natasha arched an eyebrow.

“If I had time I would talk to your boyfriend actually. That’s something I didn’t know about your new life”

“He happened after we lost contact...” you stuck your tongue to her, making the ex-redhead laugh “But you will have time to catch up soon, I promise.”

Natasha left your room and as soon as you were done packing Peter showed at your door.

“Oh, good, I need to tell you something!” you said already placing the bag on your shoulder.

“Hey, hey, hold your horses, where are you going?” he closed the door, stopping right in front of it with his famous smirk in his mouth.

“That’s exactly what I’m about to tell you.”

You explained everything as quick as you could to him, seeing how his face changed from a smile to a deep frown.

“I don’t think that it’s a good idea for you to get involved with this, Y/N.” he said with a serious tone that almost had you making a joke about it “This thing... the Titan as they called him... it seems too dangerous. And Professor won’t allow any of the X-Men to be with you.”

“I know, babe. But I’ll be with The Avengers. It will be fine. Nat said I won’t even go into direct battle if I’m not needed. I just have to be there in case something goes wrong with Vision.”

“I have a bad feeling. You shouldn’t go...” he insisted, holding your wrist when you passed him heading towards the door.

“They need my help. Natasha has done a lot for me. It’s least I can do for her...” you explained, trying to make him let go of your wrist, but he just tightened his fingers.

“No. Don’t go.”

“I don’t think you have the right to tell me what I should or not do, Peter.” you said in a low voice, glaring at his hand holding you in place “Let me go. I’ve been on missions way more dangerous than this one.”

“What? Maybe the only mission this dangerous we had was with Apocalypse and you know it. This is something else. It is way more dangerous then any other X-Men mission.”

“Are you saying I’m not capable of taking care of myself? You better answer this carefully”

He sighed exasperatedly, letting go of your wrist.

“Of course I’m not saying that!” Peter groaned pushing the door closed with his hand when you tried to open it “I’m just trying to take care of you. Please I don’t want you to go!”

“Let go of this door this instant.” you had your back to him, your hand still on the doorknob “Natasha is waiting for me and I’m going, with or without your approval”

He groaned in frustation walking away from you.

“You are so fucking stubborn!”

“Honestly, Peter, sometimes you act just like a freaking child!” you snapped, turning to him “It’s my choice, not yours! Besides I could even have left without warning you and claimed it a mission just after I’m back like you did many times before!”

"IT’S DIFFERENT!”

“NO, IT’S NOT!”

You took a deep breath, looking at your hand and having an idea when your eyes met the silver shine in your right hand.

“Okay. Peace offering.” you said but he turned his back to you, sitting in your window “I’m leaving this here. And I want you to take care of it for me. I don’t want to lose or damage it, so when I’m back, I promise I’ll make up to you for this fight. But I really have to go...”

He stayed silent, not giving you another glance.

It hurt a lot, but you had no time to waste. You left the ring he gave you on the desk near the door. You’ve had it for just a short period but it felt like a part of you was missing already.

The fact that Peter didn’t turn to look at you made things even worse but you swallowed your pride, whispering for him “I’m so sorry, Peter. That it had to be this way. I love you...”

And then you left.

Had you stayed for just a minute more, Peter would have turned to you and begged you to stay again. He had an horrible feeling about this mission and felt like his heart was being shattered knowing that you would risk yourself and he wouldn’t be there to protect you. He gulped, getting up and taking the ring on his hand, looking at it.

“I didn’t even said it back...” he muttered already regretting his childish behaviour. You were right, so he vowed to himself that when you came back he would apologize and start trying to act more like the grown man he was.

It would have been perfect...

If only you had come back...

Click to part 2

#peter maximoff imagine #peter imagine #quicksilver imagine #peter x reader #gender neutral reader #myimagine #x-men #xmen #x-men imagine #the avengers #the avengers infinity war #infinity war #avengers imagine

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